#it was literally just me wanting to point out a missing sentence in a panel from years ago
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Mystery solved.
Okay. Okay I gotta figure out where to begin with this- breathes
A fellow ULO community member was going through old S1 panels and pointing out typos that we had all somehow missed (LO typos have a tendency to sneak by like that) and one thing they pointed out that I had never noticed was this one panel from Episode 102:
Particularly pointing out how the font overlays Hades' fingers which is just hilarious. That was where it was supposed to end.
But have you ever actually read the letter?
Because I did. And it took me on a ride I wasn't expecting to go on at 2:30 in the morning.
This shot of the letter is from the second instance it appears, when Hades scratches out part of it and writes, "I love the way you treat me, and I want to feel that way all the time."
But the first time this letter appears, when he's actively writing it, it's delivered to us through narration, in Episode 47. I actually love this episode, it does a great job at visual storytelling without overuse of active dialogue, and the content of the letter itself shows a great amount of self-awareness from Hades in the moment, even though the dark implications of what he's feeling is falling on his own deaf ears and the scene itself is quickly dashed by the obligatory quip-for-comedy-so-people-don't-get-too-sad of Hades' dismissing his therapist's advice, with the irony of him not realizing his own issues as he's writing this letter mere hours before overstepping his boundaries and having a guy whacked for taking photos of the Goddess of Spring.
But there was one line in particular that's always stood out to me.
The line "it ends up hurting you" felt random and out-of-context. In the beginning on my first read through back in early-mid 2019, I thought maybe it was just being poetic and I "didn't get it", until I became a critic of the series and had a reality check and realized it was likely just a typo, perhaps it was meant to be "It would end up hurting you" or something of that nature.
But it was looking at that panel of the letter and actually reading the text that was there that I realized - the line feels random and out-of-context, because it is random and out-of-context.
Look back at the letter. Paragraph eight. Rachel didn't write the full line despite it being necessary to the line 'it ends up hurting you'.
The full excerpt reads:
"I WISH I COULD EMPTY A DRAWER IN MY DRESSER FOR YOU, OR BUY YOU A TOOTHBRUSH TO KEEP IN MY BATHROOM. THE TRUTH IS, EVERY TIME WE HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER... IT ENDS UP HURTING YOU."
I can't believe it's not just a typo. I can't believe it took me this long to find this. I don't know how this got missed by Rachel, I'm assuming she wrote the letter out first and then copy and pasted the words into a larger font size which she placed throughout the episode, but how could that one part have been missed when the line "it ends up hurting you" is a dependent clause that can't stand on its own without the line that precedes it?
At the very least, I do finally feel like I've found closure over this one scene, now that I know the full context to the line. And I wouldn't have found it if it weren't for people joking about the letter panel being drawn like shit.
But it's definitely discouraging because it begs the question, what else is being haphazardly left out of the dialogue? What other clunky sentences with next to no context or build-up or reasoning could be better if they were actually finished or if Rachel and her team had spent the extra time to double check the script and ensure that no sentence is being left half-finished?
The irony in this scene as well is that Hades acknowledges he's too old for Persephone, he acknowledges that they aren't good for each other and that he'll only wind up hurting her, he acknowledges that he barely knows her and he shouldn't call what he feels for her 'love', but infatuation, a very accurate and self-aware statement that I feel like the current Hades lacks. It makes it feel all the more distressing when the letter makes a return in Episode 102, and he makes one simple change:
As impactful as this statement was back in the day, looking back, knowing fully well how far his character has now fallen, this now feels less like a triumphant statement accepting his feelings and more like one of giving in to his selfish desires. This is even more accentuated by the use of the red ink, which splatters across the page alongside messy handwriting, contrary to the meticulous typewriting above.
He's pushing off his baggage as a mere bridge to cross later.
He's making hopeful assumptions about her feelings and putting her on a pedestal without communicating his actual baggage outside of his own head and with her directly. In fact, he doesn't get around to talking about this baggage until she's in a position to depend on him in Season 2.
He's fantasizing about their future with next to no foundation yet, and while he's recognizing that she might not be happy with him in the long term, he still tosses all those legitimate concerns aside to "I love the way she treats me", as if all that matters is what she can do for him - and what he can and can't do for her isn't important until it will inevitably rear its ugly head after she's already become his.
This is the turning point where Hades has become the villain. Where he's shifted from being the responsible adult and leader to an obsessive fanatic whose only goal is to have Persephone. To the point that, despite him saying in the letter that it would be best to limit his presence around her-
-seems to be upset over the notion of doing that exact thing as soon as she's the one to suggest it. Acting as if he's being rejected when he was the one to originally conceive the idea to limit their presence around one another for her own good.
Hades being a responsible King and adult went out the window years ago and I feel like this was the moment where it happened, and that red pen was the gavel. Apparently all it took was her admitting she has a crush on him - undoubtedly as shallow as his crush on her, based solely on infatuation but not written on paper as Hades' confession was - for him to toss aside all that work to unpack his feelings and all that responsibility he was willing to take. Never mind the fact that her feelings could undoubtedly use unpacking of their own. Never mind the fact that her liking him back still doesn't change the reality of their situation - that they're fundamentally different people, from different worlds, with vastly different experiences and outlooks and values and goals, living in massively different life stages. Try as it might to be presented as romantic, that "opposites attract", it's more appropriately and commonly known as being incompatible.
If this were any other story, this would be a precautionary tale in so many ways, made especially significant for an audience that's largely coming of age and experiencing feelings of infatuation and attraction for the first time.
But this isn't that story. It's Lore Olympus.
Hades is, through and through, the villain of this story, no matter what the narrative tries to convince us of otherwise. I stood by that statement before and I stand by it even more so now. Unfortunately we're now at the point where Persephone herself has become a villain, corrupt by the same system she used to criticize.
And just like the letter and all its raw text admitting to Hades' faults and baggage and showing he's willing to take accountability, so too does the narrative itself slyly tell the ugly truth in between its lines: that love is not enough, that love is not the same as obsession, that power can corrupt even the purest of hearts - that love is enough, that you should pursue the one you desire until they're yours and only yours, that you should climb higher towards those in power above you until you have that same power in your hands.
Because you love the way it makes you feel and you want to feel that way all the time.
#oops this wasn't supposed to be this deep#it was literally just me wanting to point out a missing sentence in a panel from years ago#this is what happens when i eat too much LO food for thought at 3 AM#lore olympus critical#lo critical#antiloreolympus#anti lore olympus#next thing you know i'm drawing parallels between the narrative and hades' own delusions
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ES21 japanese volumes - part 1/??
part 2 >>
Sooooo I recently got my hands on the complete Eyeshield 21 manga series in Japanese and as someone who's only ever read the story through fan-translations on dodgy websites online, I wanted to go through and "live" blog about it, so to speak. I thought it would be interesting to see the changes between the languages and where the fan-translations likely fail with mistranslations. (No shade btw, I think fan-translations are great both as a hobby and the fact that they're doing their work for free, but it's also a reality that the vast majority of fan-translators are amateurs, many of whom don't fluently speak the language they're translating, so there's bound to be mistakes!) Also, I wanna know what they're originally saying because I’m nosey <3
I know the official English translation by VIS is allegedly pretty decent, bar the toning down of some things (like Hiruma's language lol) so if you've had the chance to read the official version, feel free to chime in on differences with the fan-translation that I'll be referencing, or potential differences between the Japanese version too!
And finally, while I am half Japanese and grew up there, tragically my language skills are imperfect. I speak it, but my vocabulary isn't very robust, so I do look up the definitions for a lot of words and kanji, as well as more nuanced connotations or references that may go over my head. Bilingual problems <3 But again, it's good practice for me and I think it'll be kind of fun!
Right off the bat, this page. What it’s saying is essentially, “You better come out and play (in the) American Football match!” But because Japanese syntax is different from English, it’s structured like “American Football Match you better play!!” The translator was confused by the final line, because in Japanese a way to say ‘participating in a match’ is by using 出る which means to ‘go out’— sort of like ‘go out (into) the match’. Maybe a better option would have been ‘get the fuck out and play!!” or just “you better fucking play!!”. It still keeps the overall sentence structure which sounds awkward in English, but at least it gets the meaning across.
(I’m not gonna get into every little mistranslation btw, because that would take forever, but I felt that was a good way to explain how frequently there are little mistakes like this.)
Putting the rest under a cut because I imagine this will get long
Look at our boy <3 So as you know, we start our story with Sena Kobayakawa timidly seeing if he passed his high school entrance exam into Deimon High School, with his childhood friend/older sister figure, Mamori Anezaki lending moral support.
In the third panel, what Sena says is actually “I feel like I’ve been praised for the first time in 10 years—” (maybe they changed it because that was too pathetic 😭) Then in the fourth panel, what Mamori says is more along the lines of “And to think you were a total mess in math and English… It’s all thanks to Mamori-sensei!”
Also I want to point out that Mamori is a little cheekier in the first few chapters. Like obviously still kind and nurturing in personality (her name is literally ‘to protect’), but she teases Sena and feels more like an older sister than like, an overprotective mom lol. Miss that for her 😔
Then along comes our kind senpai to accost our clueless protag...
There’s no mistranslation, but I just wanted to mention that the way Hiruma talks in Japanese is so funny? Like in panel 1, he’s speaking with a dramatic affect, he sounds like some sort of npc in a jrpg giving the protag a quest. And then in panel 2, his ‘of course!’ is this shortened, slang version of the word that sounds almost cute and very modern after the previous line. Hiruma uses a lot of slang in general, though I can’t say if any of it is like, common or used by teenagers (of the time, anyway) or if it’s just Hiruma-isms.
(Look at Kurita doing the sign of the cross in panel 3 😂)
I can’t believe Hiruma managed to physically emulate the experience of contracting some shady internet virus…..
Something that’s done with Hiruma’s dialogue a lot (it’s done w/ other characters too, but most often with Hiruma) is where there’ll be a word/term in kanji that means one thing and pronounced in a certain way, but then the furigana (so the phonetic pronounciation, basically) next to it says something different. Now, in some stories (like Berserk for my pals out there), this is used to create poignant, layered meanings in the text. In ES21 however, it’s mostly used for sports manga flavor. For example, in the above page in Hiruma’s spam fax message, he uses the word 作戦, which means tactics or strategy, and is pronounced: “sa - ku - se - nn” さ-く-せ-ん. But the furigana next to that word reads タクティクス which is quite literally just the English word ‘tactics’ spelled phonetically in Japanese lol (aka a loanword).
He does this A LOT, most frequently with sports terminology, where the kanji are pretty dense, technical terms, and the furigana a loanword version of the same meaning. (though now that I think about it, it might also be because while パワー (power) and スピード (speed) are frequently used and well known loanwords to the average Japanese person, タクティクス (tactics) might be more obscure, so the kanji is there to like, clarify the meaning? 🤔)
Also I love all the early 2000’s tech we see in the early chapters— flip phones and fax machines galore! Even within the later segments of the series, the flip phones start to magically get more advanced, but in my heart ES21 takes place in like, 2003. If they ever do a remake of the anime (which is unlikely to say the least) I’d want them to maintain the early 00’s vibes. It just wouldn’t be the same if everyone had smart phones.
Skipping ahead a few pages, I remember this bit never really made sense, but I got enough of the general gist that I kind of shrugged and moved along. But!! the translation is just making stuff up here?
So for context: it’s Sena’s first day at Deimon, and Mamori (who’s a grade above him) advises him to make proper friends this year, since he has a history of only ‘hanging out’ with shitty bullies who used him as an errand boy.
In the English translation, Sena seems to get a text from a mystery number, telling him to pay up for a bet we never saw happening. He goes to meet up with the texter, who we assume at this point is a previous aquaintence, since he had Sena's number? Maybe one of those bullies that Sena hung out with from middle school? They make Sena go and get them an unspecified thing, but because Sena ran there and back so quickly, they don't believe that Sena actually went, and is lying when he says they were sold out. They drag Sena to a small shed to beat him up, and in the last panel of the third page, Sena says that he's been their errand boy since kindergarden?
So for a number of years I was under the impression that the Ha-ha brothers knew Sena from before the series, even though that never seemed to come up in the rest of the story.
But in the original version, Sena is actually getting a text from Mamori-- which makes sense because it was established earlier that his cell phone is brand new and he only has Mamori's number in his contacts. Mamori's text says: "If someone tries to make you run their errands, tell them 'let's decide by rock-paper-scissors!'" Sena is understandably kind of embarrassed by this, and mutters to himself that he's not a kid anymore.
Then it cuts to Sena being picked on to be an errand boy lmao. Presumably this is because Sena just looks like an easy target to bullies, not because of any previous aquaintence rip. The blond bully tells Sena to go buy them bread (which might sound weird, but Japan has a lot of tasty snack breads that they sell everywhere). In panels 2+3 of the second page, Sena timidly tries to bring up the rock-paper-scissors thing, but is intimidated into giving up and just doing what he's told.
Again, they don't believe that Sena actually went all the way to the school store and back with how quick he was, so they decide to beat him up in the shed. As he's being dragged, Sena says, "It really was sold out! I've gotten used to being an errand boy since kindergarden, so I've just gotten fast--!"
So yeah, if there were any other people who've only read fan-translations and were confused by this bit, there you go.
oh you just know it smelled like ass in here.....
(I never noticed the shotgun propped against the desk on the right before lol, idk why I'm surprised, but Hiruma really just left his Actual Guns lying around huh?)
(2nd pic - Kurita: "New club applicants!!?")
There he is!! Our boy Kurita!! I do miss when he occassionally had like, more human features lol. As much as I love his big ol' smiley face, it does rub me the wrong way when the fat characters (because Komusubi falls into this too) are the only ones with anpanman faces.
(anpanman, for the uninitiated)
(Kurita: "To literally clash with the opponent in order to pursue a goal together with everyone-- that moment is exhilerating!")
Aw look at Sena feeling inspired! Honestly I really love how Kurita is Sena's first friend he makes in the series, and that vibe in the early chapters where it's just Sena, Kurita and Hiruma is so much fun <3
(P1: Kurita: "Way to go Sena!" Imaginary Coach: "It's thanks to you that we could participate in the Christmas Bowl!" Mamori: "You're so cool Sena!"
P2: Mamori: "You have to make the first move!" Sena: "U-um!"
P3: Sena: "Can I... be the team shumu*?" Kurita: "WHAAATT!? O-OF-OF COURSE!")
*Ok soooo I don't fully understand what a shumu is lol, or how you'd translate it to English. The word itself apparently means 'person in charge' so? The fan-translation just calls it the manager, but based on something Hiruma says later, I get the impression that the shumu and the manager are technically different roles? But when Mamori becomes the manager later, she takes on a lot of what are allegedly 'shumu tasks', along with Hiruma, so idk. If anyone's read the official VIS translation, feel free to chime in on how they did it, because I'd be curious to know!
That being said, adorable of Sena to think he could have handled that responsiblity at all 😂 our boy has many talents, but being smart and organized is not among them.
Ok fun feelings are over, it's time for pain.
(Sena looking at his contact list, having just added Kurita's number, then wham D: )
The three bullies from before were waiting to get revenge. The dialogue is a bit different in the original. Juumonji (the blond one) actually says: "That fatso a friend of yours, Sena? Tell me his contact info-- if you do that, we'll let you go." To which Sena timidly and reluctantly agrees. Then Kuroki (the dark haired one) says: "But do you think one bat will be enough? With that brute strength..." In the final panel, Juumonji says: "It's better with just one, since we're gonna call the police beforehand." Togano (with the glasses): "The police?"
Juumonji: "As long as we get him wrapped up in the fight, it'll be fine. We'll say we got these wounds from being assaulted by the fatso with the bat -- We'll get him disqualified from the American Football tournament." One of the others: "Ooohh, smart!"
I guess the overall sentiment isn't that different, but knowing that the initial demand was for Sena to hand over Kurita's contact info with the promise that they would spare him if he obeyed-- and that at first he agreed-- makes his change of heart feel even more significant.
(Sena: "IF YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME, THEN HIT ME!!! I'LL NEVER TELL YOU (Kurita's info)!!!")
Tell 'em Sena!! A part of me sort of wishes the story maintained this serious story beat instead of undercutting it with humor in the next panel (not shown here) but at the same time, ES21 is overall a more lighthearted, comedic story which I love it for, so I don't think I'd like it getting too angsty. I'll always have Berserk in my corner if I want some actual angst lol.
(1st pic: various sounds of surprise or pain, and in the last panel: "Oi, don't let him get away!"
2nd pic: Sena -- "No way!!!" Hiruma: "Hm? Oh it's that guy" )
Lol I do love the little details Murata included, like Kuroki taking a swing at Sena as he's biting Juumonji's hand but then totally missing in the fourth panel because Sena's so fast. Also I'm always on the lookout for the kinds of stuff Hiruma buys, snack wise. We know he loves sugarless gum, obv, and drinks coke based on that one time he bought some for himself, Kurita & Sena, but what else are in those bags? I want to know!!
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And lol apparently I'm only allowed 30 images per post rip, so I guess I'll end this here. I guess I can.... reblog and continue? Or I might just make another post for the next part 🤔 Besides this got way too long, so I'll have to be more brief in future posts lol.
I'm honestly not expecting more than like, five people to interact with this lol, but if anyone is interested in specific points of the story they want me to look at, please feel free to ask!
#eyeshield 21#es21#yeah this is not meta it's just.... stream of consciousness#as i ramble about eyeshield lmfao#and japanese practice that I'm inflicting on others#eyeshield 21 japanese readalong#is what i'm gonna tag it for my own sake#i guess#excuse any typos. *gun emoji* you didn't see any
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Heyy♡, so I just saw a reddit post pointing out that Krul wanting to die doesn't really make sense, because she still has to/wants to meet her brother....
I totally forgot about that.🥲😅
Do you have any takes on that or do you think it is another plothole?
Hi :3
Yeah I saw that post too. Tbh, same as the rest of the OnS fandom, I literally have no clue about what the hell is going in OnS anymore but I’ll still give my take:
So if we were to think about plot holes, OnS is full of inconsistencies. But these inconsistencies usually are Kagami getting the math wrong, short lasting unusual behaviour of the characters or an event which is important but is not so when compared to the bigger events. As far as I remember, we never had an inconsistency so big that changes the course of a character in the story, which would be the case for Krul if this were to be an inconsistency.
There have been several times where Krul could have revealed about what Shikama did to her and Ashera, but Kagami always stops this from happening by interrupting her or changing of setting. So tbh I don’t think we have enough information on Krul’s character to call it a plot hole this early.
Krul wanting to get Ashera back is a true fact but tbh I always doubted that her goal as a character is as simple as that. She seems to actually want to do more and deal with the root of all of this, which is Shikama. I don’t really know how to explain it, but she has been extremely patient while Guren, Mahiru, Yuu and others were dealing with their own priorities (plus she even waited 8 whole years since she made that deal with Mahiru) and I feel like if she just wanted to get her brother back, she could have just asserted her own priority onto the others so things would go her way without minding the bigger picture about Shikama, war, the Seraph of the End project, etc. After all, Krul is the strongest one of the bunch, so doing it by force wouldn’t be an issue here…
You must be thinking about the same thing as me: Krul implying she wants to die feels that it came out of nowhere. Like, yeah, vampires struggling with having an eternal life with loss of emotion and desire, while being bound to the need of drinking blood, has been a common topic in OnS. But each vampire is an individual and so different in their own way, and in Krul’s case tbh we didn’t have much explicit scenes about her having existential crisis about being a vampire and such.
However, the manga could be implying that she has one, just that it wasn’t mentioned explicitly but instead using imagery with the Sun.
In chapter 51 Krul was sentenced to torture by Sun exposure:
In chapter 69 she was finally free from captivity and Ky Luc tells her this:
And in the next panel, instead of being traumatised after her painful experience with the Sun, she instead looks at the roof of the underground city with a somewhat sad expression. It feels as if she is actually yearning for the Sun:
And this contrasts with the flashback that follows later in the same chapter where Ashera is weirdly captivated by the Sun, while Krul (who does not hate the Sun but is quite neutral about it) complains the Sun hurting her eyes (again that relation between pain and the Sun).
I feel like all this imagery hints at Krul actually having started to appreciate the Sun only after she was turned into a vampire and that she misses the times when she was able to stand under it without burning when she was a human girl. However, I don’t think that this necessarily hints at wanting to become a human again. Krul has lived for too long and the mind cannot endure an eternal life without breaking. She has lived enough and she must be tired at this point (of course with the exception of searching for Ashera because it’s the rule that there is always this one desire you had as a human that will unnaturally stay with you forever even as a vampire). So in fact, her wanting to die might not be that far-fetched but not because of wanting to sacrifice herself for something as “grand” as mankind’s resurrection, but rather because of an individual choice due to exhaustion.
Soooo… about the panel that created controversy:
If we rephrase this then Krul is saying that she does not want to sacrifice her family (Ashera) to get an eternal life. This doesn’t make sense. Because Krul never sacrificed Ashera or made the choice to be immortal
…or maybe yes?
This is quite a big panel with just a single piece of dialogue. It is quite unlikely that Kagami hasn’t thought about this carefully and just put a random question instead. So, I don’t have much evidence for this, but if we are on the assumption that Kagami made no mistake in anything then the only theory I can come up with is this:
In chapter 79 Ashera drinks Yuu’s blood and becomes a vampire. The flashback ends with him wanting to go find Krul.
So what if after they found Krul, and Krul discovered that her brother was immortal, she asked Shikama to turn her into a vampire too because of the excitement of being immortal (she was a child at that time after all) and the hopes of living eternally with Ashera?
But then Shikama asked the Tepes siblings for a price for turning Krul into a vampire (to make things complicated instead of simply turning her into one immediately) and this price somehow happened to be like…idk, “Ashera will have to work under me for eternity”, “Ashera will have to do x super dangerous and long job for me” or something like that.
And Ashera, wanting to live with Krul forever and make her sister happy, and Krul, being a child wanting to live forever with her brother without thinking about the consequences, accepted.
Krul then turned into a vampire but was deemed a failure while Ashera was a success. They couldn’t live a life together because of it since Shikama needed Ashera and so he took him away from her to Japan. Krul then realised her mistake, that she unknowingly ‘sacrificed’ her brother and wanted to go back to how things here before.
———————————————————————
Maybe something like that?🤔 Because when Krul asked Mika “Would you want to live forever so badly…that you’d be willing to sacrifice your family?” it’s as if she is talking about herself in past tense don’t you think?
Krul doesn’t want to sacrifice her family and now she doesn’t want to live forever, so that’s why her and Mika’s views are the same.
🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍🍍
So yeah…here is the superlong brainstorm of ideas from a mentally exhausted long-term OnS fan😅 I hope you found this useful❤️
#owari no seraph#seraph of the end#krul tepes#ashera tepes#asuramaru#ashuramaru#tepes siblings#shikama doji#theory#analysis
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HOW THEY REALLY ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS - TSUKISHIMA, AKAASHI, KUROO, USHIJIMA & TENDOU
A/N: This takes inspiration from this post as I just love hcs about characters that seem out-of-character according to fanon ideas, which we all know I hate
Tsukishima:
When he was little, Tsukishima often thought about what it would be like to find his true love and how they would spoil each other with dates, gifts and affection
As he got older though, his insecurities and doubts crept in though, telling him that there was no ‘true love’ for him, and that no one would really want to be that devoted to him, or love him fully
When he gets into a relationship he’s very hesitant at the beginning, trying not to let himself fall too deep in case it turns out to be a lie
But he just can’t help himself, there’s so much he loves about the person and he wants to express it in many ways
He’s not very good with words, but cute dates ideas and gifts often keep him up at night, thinking of all the things he wants to experience with you
He wants to take you and a sunset picnic where he feeds you strawberries and you cuddle on the blanket, he wants to bring you to the museum and buy matching keyrings, he wants to have those cute couple outfits that join both of you, he wants to play you a beautiful, emotional song that he has dedicated to you in his mind, explaining every thought he has about you, he wants to take you out to see the stars at night, pointing out each constellation and watching them shine in your eyes, he wants quiet nights where the two of you do nothing but hold each other and stare into each other’s eyes
He wants to be totally and completely yours, every single part of him belongs to you
Akaashi:
Akaashi believes in love at first sight, because as soon as he saw you, he knew you were the one for him
When he develops a crush, he can’t help but imagine all of the conversations you two could have when laying in bed late at night
He loses sleep thinking about what your first date would be like, how your first kiss would go, how he would propose to you, what your children would look like
He often catches himself staring at you from afar whenever your in his eye-line, daydreaming about you
When you turn and offer him a smile or a wave, he gets so embarrassed that you caught him staring, but he’s usually able to keep a calm composure
There are some times though where he can’t hold it in, especially later in your relationship
If you’re standing in the kitchen, making the two of you coffee in the morning clad in only his shirt, he can’t help but blush and wrap his arms around you, repeatedly telling you how adorable you are and how much he loves you
Nothing makes him more calm and happy than having you tucked into his side, especially when he’s reading through panels he needs to edit or chapters he needs to review
Kuroo:
He is so bad at flirting, absolutely terrible
He has spent so much time googling pick-up lines, ‘how to flirt’, ‘how to know if someone likes you’ etc, and he’s ashamed
Now, if he were in a flirting battle with someone, say Bokuto, of who could sweep someone off their feet the fastest, then he’d win for sure!
But actually with his crush? Not a chance
He turns into a nervous, giggling, blushing little boy
He can barely get his sentences out without stumbling over them, or making a fool of himself
Being around his crush makes him so clumsy too, there’s many times where he’s knocked something over or walked into a wall because all his focus was on you
You just turn his brain to mush
He’s try inviting you over for a study date to spend more time with you and also try and impress you by how smart he is, but he’s so flustered that he can’t explain the workings to you
It’s so cute to watch him vigorously scribbling out his notes because he messed them up, too busy entranced by your smile
The most adorable thing? His voice often ends up breaking when talking to you, he just gets a little too excited and nervous as the same time and his voice can’t keep up
He’s like Cady in Mean Girls with ‘Grool. I mean’t to say cool, then I started saying great’ or something like that don’t come for me
Ushijima:
Ushijima isn’t usually one for affection
It’s not that he doesn’t like it, he’s just not used to it and doesn’t see the need
But that changes with you
He loves your hugs, he needs them daily
His day feels so wrong if you haven’t once run up to him to give him a hug, or a kiss on the cheek before he heads to practice
Maybe it’s just routine, maybe it’s just him showing you his gratitude and love, and maybe it’s both
But there’s nothing that makes him happier than you being part of his routine
Every single day, without fail, he will show you the same tokens of love: a kiss on the forehead as he wakes you up, a back-hug as you brush your teeth as he nuzzles his head into your neck or hair, a kiss on the lips before he has to leave for practice, a text during his break that reminds you he loves you and that you looked radiant today, a hug and kiss on your temple when he returns, a cuddle in the evening as you settle down for the night, and a kiss before you go to sleep, followed by a whisper of ‘goodnight love, sleep well, I love you’
He feels like his day is a whirlwind if one of those steps is missing, and he tries to find you as soon as possible to make it right
you know that scene in YOI where victor is gone so after yuri’s performance he starts hugging literally everyone bc he’s so used to hugging victor after and he’s trying to find that but no one meets the requirement? ahh #justautisticthings
Tendou:
If you need a personal cheerleader, Tendou is the man for you
No matter what you’re dealing with, how you’re feeling or the baggage you come with, he is so understanding
Something that Tendou soars in is being sensitive - he knows exactly what to say and what not to say with your situation
He lets you cry if you need to, scream if you need to, laugh as loud as you want to - but he will always be there to witness it alongside you
If you break he will be there to pick up the pieces and do his best to glue you back together
He takes time to truly get to know you, both in what you say and what you don’t say
He knows when you’re trying to hide your struggles from him, but he doesn’t make a fuss, he simply stays by your side and keeps you afloat until you’re ready to talk
He will never tell you things like ‘get over it’, ‘you’ll be fine’, ‘what you’re thinking is stupid’, because he gets it, and however you’re feeling is important to him
If you have a problem with him or the relationship then he’ll happily sit down and talk things through with you and ask what you’d like him to do better, and vice versa
Also, he wants to show you off to the world - if he could he’d announce to every person on the earth that you’re his partner and that he loves you so much and is so proud of you
While he’s head-over-heels in love with you, he wants to be your best friend above anything - friends first, partners second
If you two aren’t truly just amazing friends and can trust each other with anything, then he doesn’t believe that being in a relationship is the right choice
#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu imagine#haikyū!!#haikyuu fanfiction#haikyuu drabbles#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu fluff#tsukishima kei x reader#Tsukishima kei#Tsukishima x reader#akaashi keiji#Akaashi x reader#Tendou x reader#Tendou satori#ushijima wakatoshi x reader#Ushijima x reader#Ushijima wakatoshi#I hate doing tags#Kuroo x reader#kuroo tetsuro
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jib 6 breakdown and analysis
standard disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.
if i would have to give this panel a signifier, i would say this is the panel of the inside jokes. it’s the panel that shows us how well they know each other, to the point that they finish each other’s sentences and start telling the same punchline to a joke at the same time.
but besides all of that, it was also the panel of the shoulder touches, husband behavior, and rescuer misha. let’s dive into it.
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i adore the fact that they are laughing and joking with each other from the first second they get on stage. the way that they tell that story about how they planned to have misha nap and have jensen drink whisky and humm, really reminds me of something that i mentioned a lot during my jib 7 analysis: they are very much in sync.
jensen slinging his arm around misha of course had to be compensated with a manly face and manly grip. the rituals… i know they are intricate.
it’s kind of cute how misha tried to both encourage jensen to try that step, and wanted to make sure he wouldn’t hurt himself lmao. dare i say husband behavior? (i do dare and i will do it again, bam bam!)
something about the way they talk about j*red just makes me feel like they are such a team, if that makes sense? like, they both think the same things about j*red’s antics and talk in such a united way about it (“and jensen and i were like…” “i don’t even care. he [points at misha] doesn’t care.”) that it just sounds kind of coupley to me. *whispers* husband behavior.
i love that jensen’s first instinct after talking about missing j*red was to go over to misha, put his hand on his shoulder, and talk about his fucking flirting way of pranking misha versus j*red’s painful pranking of misha. “with you it’s like my friend and protector is....” i truly wish the audience wasn’t as loud as they were in that moment because i would love to fully hear that sentence.
the look on jensen’s face when misha says “save it for when we take off our pants” is just priceless. ‘oh god here we go again, when will he ever learn’ but the funny thing is, he will make the same face later on in the panel, after talking about riding a dragon. that’s the face he makes when one of them goes slightly too far. just thought that was interesting.
what stands out to me the most is his reaction when misha turns around just as he is ‘fake unbuttoning’ his pants like: ‘i’m just kidding i’m innocent’ literally no reason to respond like that if misha is just his buddy.
misha’s “what are you doing?” as jensen is tying his flannel around his waist also stands out to me. he clearly does not like the look and can’t keep his mouth shut (“that was bothering me too”). why would you find the need to comment on your buddy’s fashion choice. (....husband behavior.)
just wanna take a moment to say that it’s very fucking funny that jensen said “don’t take selfies” when you know that just a few years later he would take the chest to chest selfie with misha. oh, jensen.
we have all heard the “jensen pranks misha on set by flirting with him” story countless of times, but it’s still funny to me how flustered misha seems to get by the fact that jensen can get to him that easily. and jensen’s laugh here is so cute, he fully knows what he is doing.
misha jokes that he spends more time sunning on rocks now as a merman than he used to, and jensen immediately starts to walk to the apple juice, something i have noticed that he does whenever he wants to avoid something (be it a question or a situation that’s happening on stage). it almost feels like he is stopping himself from making a comment or something. it’s interesting, because he just turns right back around and starts telling the grasshopper joke without getting anything to drink.
which leads to one of my favorite moments between them: misha, beaming, says that he has heard it before but he wants to hear it again, and mouths the words to the punchline along with jensen. he looks at the audience as if to say ‘good one, right?’ and when jensen goes “is this thing on?” misha immediately tries to distract him from his failed joke by using an inside joke (the first inside joke of the panel) with him. aka good husband behavior.
something tells me that “i’ll see you again, grasshopper” is another inside joke, so we’re counting it: number two.
jensen. jensen pspsps come here. can you please explain to me why you are so horny for misha’s indianrussian accent? i cannot believe him (i can), trying to get him to use the accent to ‘help the girl in the audience’.
so uhm. i think i just heard something while i was rewatching this panel that i never caught before. when misha reads what is on the box that was put on stage, he says: ‘please take this box and open later in private - daniella.’ and jensen goes: ‘yeah that’s from me’ with a flirty Look on his face like. hello??? why have i never seen anybody talk about this??? i’m??? internally screaming??? rest assured i had to take 5 when i saw this shit.
can we take a second to appreciate the fact that jensen gave misha a once over when misha says the glitter is everywhere, and then jensen said “fairy herpes”. why did your mind go to a sexual reference jensen? why? (we know why).
“i hate when you get that look in your eyes. don’t! i’m sorry!” is one of the most coupley things to say, ever. just wanted to point that out.
i love the playful vibe they have during this portion of the panel: jensen asking misha what he will do for the audience (thinly veiled excuse for wanting misha to do something that jensen will also enjoy), throwing the rings at misha, both of them “panicking” and lapping up the spilled apple juice.
look, i couldn’t not include the shirt lift. i had to. especially because of the way he looks at misha afterwards lmao and misha, darling misha, tries to defuse the situation by making a joke and it works because of course jensen does his signature unicorn laugh. sidenote: how cute is jackles when he grabs the guitar, begging people to erase the picture jsfhs. gotta love that man.
“you done messed up” inside joke number 3.
you know what is funny to me? the fact that jensen and misha often pretend not to know certain things about each other when they are on stage together. one example of this is during the underbear debacle, when jensen asks misha to proof he wears orange underwear and pretends he is shocked, even though the whole world knows that misha wears orange underwear.
in this panel, it happens twice. the first time is here, when misha asks jensen ‘do you actually not smell?’ as if he isn’t one of the people in this world who would know that best. and then he, of course, immediately takes this opportunity to sniff jensen’s armpit. i mean. okay. which is extra funny because jackles doesn’t play along with the whole ‘i have no clue’ bit and just goes “yeah you’re not a stinker” without checking because, clearly, he already knows.
i love jensen’s little smirk when he hears misha’s dragon would be pink + misha’s reaction to it.
before i read this post i always thought jensen meant that his own dragon would be salmon colored. but now i think that it’s not far fetched to believe jensen was actually thinking about the fact that he has stated he was wearing a salmon shirt. which means that, in this moment right here, he was implying that instead of pink, misha’s dragon (aka jensen) would be salmon. which makes his reaction (looking down, laughing but shaking his head as if he can’t believe himself) very understandable. remember what i said about that being the face he makes when one of them takes it too far? yeah.
but then, something happens that is quite remarkable to me. instead of backing down from what he said, he fully commits to it. he turns to misha, and goes “if i could ride a dragon”. listen to the way he puts extra weight behind “ride” and “dragon”.
then he asks if he understands the question correctly and repeats “what would it look like?”, the girl in the audience says “yes, but also any special abilities…” but jensen just ignores that because obviously, in his head the dragon is misha and he is not gonna shake that thought process any time soon. so naturally, he goes “i think my dragon that i would want to…” but stops JUST before saying “ride”, the guy KNEW what he was sounding like. lmao jensen i gotta give it to you buddy, good effort. you did well. you came far. you even said “look, i’m just gonna go for it here” even though misha’s face speaks volumes. i love you for that. because everything that came out of your mouth right then sounded very not straight.
in fact, it’s only because of misha’s interference (a reoccurring thing during these panels) that he stops himself completely and goes to talk with misha. i really wonder what would have happened if misha didn’t stop him. i also REALLY wonder what misha and jensen discussed when they turned their backs to the audience. sigh.
now we get to the juicy stuff. jensen’s little slip up here is really really strange, when you think about it. he says “i have kids” before quickly covering that up with “i have a kid now.” i’m not saying the ackles and the collins are one big happy family or anything like that, but i do think that they are close enough for him to slip up like this. maybe the kids hang out together a lot. maybe they have given each other enough support during those early days of raising kids that it sometimes feels like he had multiple kids at that point in time. idk. but in any case, i don’t think that’s a slip up you’d make unless there was some sort of truth in it. he also kind of stumbles over his words right after that. [before anybody runs to my inbox to tell me that j/2 tinhatters think this is about him and j*red raising their kids together: trust me, i know, but we’re not talking about that.]
misha’s cheeky “i thought you were talking about danneel” followed by the both of them simultaneously saying that jensen does not tell her what to do, made me grin like a fool. that is all.
the way jensen says “misha, apparently you were looking pale and you need some sugar. there you go.” is so SOFT AND CUTE idek how to explain what i am feeling but it’s just. a lot. oh wait a minute, i do know what to call it: HUSBAND behavior.
“by the way we’re gonna pay so dearly when we get home” “yeah we are” lmao the jdmv vibes are strong in this one.
look. i know it’s possible that misha woke up alone after that dream, thought to himself ‘i miss her’, went for breakfast, saw jensen, and told this story to him verbatim. but misha is literally telling the story from the pov of waking up from a dream and saying that out loud. it would make sense that he would explain that dream to the person who he woke up with, and that he would follow the dream explanation up with “i miss her”. plus jensen is REPEATING IT as if he was right there when misha said that. add to that the way jackles stumbles over his words here and gets flustered and sits down? and misha’s face? yeah. you done messed up jackles, part 2.
jensen doesn’t know what to do with himself. just look at his face right after he sits down. and misha, once again, comes to the rescue, trying to continue the conversation about poop in order to distract both jensen and the audience. bless his soul.
it leads to the second instance of misha pretending that he doesn’t know something about jensen, namely that jensen can’t stand poop even from his own daughter. misha goes: “no? not for you?” as if he didn’t already know that.
round of applause for the jib team, for putting on ‘this thing called love’ to get jensen and misha to dance……. just saying.
jensen’s little nod to misha right here? husband telepathic communication at its finest. even their silly dad dances are in sync.
jackles you are NOT being slick we can SEE you tossing the mic to your other hand so you can pull misha in by the waist (or honestly maybe his hand landed lower idk idk it’s possible).
it really is something special, though, what happened right here: jensen, macho masculine grumpy performative jensen, is smiling and laughing and enjoying dancing on stage, doing some ballet moves, all because of misha (and by some extent felicia). not just with felicia or by himself, but with rob, osric, etc. honestly it’s heartwarming to watch. it makes me smile so much.
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and that was jib 6. thanks for reading everybody <3
#cockles#jib 6#i used a different method to add the timestamps and i really hope it works this time#as always please feel free to share your thoughts ! <3
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Are you ok with the fact that isayama didn't confirm who Levi loved instead of showing us hints (bc some seriously missed them). I'm just do done of all those ships wars and I would pass over Hange's death if he would have made it clear for everyone even non shippers. Have a Nice day and take care
hi anon!
ahh this might sound a but controversial i guess? but i’ll give my two cents anyway.
first of all, i want to say that i kinda disagree with this as a whole: i think that realistically the fact that they love each other couldn’t have been clearer if we take into account levi and hanji as characters. they’re awkward adults, we’re never getting a kiss on screen. they’d probably hold hands at 50. and even if we got a fucking kiss you can bet your ass there’d be people saying they kissed platonically, as they seem to say with literally every single one of their interactions. nothing new here.
secondly, and this is something i’ve wanted to say for a really long time, i feel like sometimes us levihans accidentally downplay what happens between them, i think out of fear of being harassed or because the harassment got to us subconsciously. i know because i’ve done it myself in the past.
let me put it in this perspective: why is it that we as a fandom feel the need to somehow “justify” our meta posts by adding a bit about how “their bond can be taken as platonic” every single time? you don’t see others do it with other ships. it’s only us lmao and ughhh i’m kinda over it i guess? now that the series is over i can finally let it out so pls bear with me :’) i’m not, in absolutely any way, saying you have to read levihan as romantic, but at the same time i feel like sometimes we kinda force ourselves to see it in that perspective too when talking about it publicly out of subconscious fear of getting weirdos coming at us, when other shippers simply don’t do it: they just say “yo it’s canon” and peacefully go on about their day. but with levihan it’s different hhhh there’s always this wanting to remark about how their interactions can be read both as platonic and romantic. as if it’s offensive to consider them exclusively romantic, you feel?
i’m coming clean, i never saw them platonically. never. sorry if it upsets some 🤸 i find it weird how when it comes to levihan people seem to insist that seeing them as anything more than friends is “ruining their friendship”, as if relationships aren’t supposed to be rooted in friendships lmao are y’all marrying strangers or something??? and yeah this strong insistence again is only seen with levihan and NO other ships. i wonder why.
i feel like this last chapter was the “nail in the coffin”, borrowing this expression from the dear anon from yesterday who had to say so many nice things to me.
and i mean it positively! at this point i honestly believe it’s more forced to believe levihan to be ambiguous and unresolved rather than not. we haven’t had an explicit declaration of love from anyone that’s not falco. hell, not even eren explicitly said “i love you” nor did mikasa lmao so yeah i’m kinda over people not keeping the same energy for levihan despite them having the most interaction out of all the characters, despite getting a scene where one of them literally wants to elope with the other, despite getting a confession from one of them hidden in a silly grammar particle, despite the author going out of his way to change a kanji in that same sentence to make it emotionally deeper, despite one of them doing a modified salute with dead eyes, despite the other looking as if they got the sudden realization of their lives, despite one looking completely dead inside staring at his hands until the battle, despite one being at the center of his memories standing out in the sea of light hair and smiles with dark hair and the most sorrowful expression, despite all the mf parallels with other two characters complete with the same words and the same pose distribution in the panels, despite one looking at a plane wistfully and getting paralleled with another character looking at a bird. do i have to go on? and this is only in the last arc. come on. let’s not pretend as if there are no romantic tropes, let’s not pretend as if if it were any other ship people’d be all over them. we can do it now that the manga is over, come on. come on.
to me, it’s clear as day, nothing ambiguous at all. not since chapter 126, and i’m tired of pretending it is lol and to be really really honest i feel like at this point you have to be either a speedreader or in complete denial as a rival shipper if you seriously downplay everything we got in this final arc especially.
again, just my two cents! levihan might not be endgame, but it is canon and they canonically love each other and there is nothing ambiguous about it, point blank.
thank you for the ask anon!
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The gay Invaders
Hi, internet! Today I'd like to talk about one of the chronologically-first canonically-gay couples in Marvel Comics history: Brian Falsworth (the second Union Jack) and Roger Aubrey (The Destroyer). (I mean "chronological" in terms of in-universe timeline rather than RL publication date; I'm pretty sure Northstar is still the first to publication as far as unambiguously-gay Marvel heroes go.)
If you are a fan of reading or writing about Captain America being queer, you should care about Brian and Roger, because they were two of Steve's fellow Invaders in the 1940s, meaning that they are two of the people on the list of Steve's Old Gay Friends And Teammates, because, yeah, Steve sure had a lot of canonically gay friends during the war. Probably more than you'd think he would have had in the forties! (The other two are Percival Pinkerton, who's part of Nick Fury's Howling Commandos, and of course Steve's childhood friend Arnie Roth. Pinky is gay by word of Stan Lee, IIRC; Arnie was as canonically gay as DeMatteis could make him in the early 1980s, so they didn't say the word "gay" but it's really, really not subtle. Steve compares what Arnie feels for his "roommate" Michael to what Steve feels for his girlfriend Bernie. Yeah.)
I previously made a Tumblr post about Brian and Roger, rounding up some of the canonical evidence of their relationship, but that post is six years old now, and in the intervening years, Marvel has thoughtfully put the rest of the 70s Invaders run on Unlimited as well as the two Citizen V miniseries that star Roger and retcon his relationship with Brian as romantic. So I've read them now, and I've got panels.
Okay. I should probably begin by saying that Brian and Roger are not canonically gay in their first significant appearance together, which is in Invaders vol 1 #19 and #20, published in 1977. Roy Thomas does not seem to have intended them to be a couple, and they aren't canonically one in any of the original Invaders run. However, if you enjoy gay subtext, it's very nice.
This whole arc is the one that introduces Roger in modern canon. He's been brainwashed by the Nazis and the Invaders rescue him and get him back to his normal self. But in #19 we get his backstory in flashback, as related by Montgomery, Lord Falsworth (Brian's father; yes, MCU fans, the name should look familiar) and it turns out that Roger and Brian were basically best friends since childhood:
They were the dearest of friends!
Anyway, they both ended up captured by Nazis, they presumably changed their minds about appeasement as a policy, Brian got out and joined the Invaders, then they had to rescue the brainwashed Roger, and it's a fair amount of fun in a two-issue arc.
The subtext is even more prominent in Invaders #34, in which they find out that someone going by the Destroyer (which is Roger's codename) has been doing villainous deeds, and the Invaders worry that Roger's gotten himself brainwashed again. Brian immediately insists that it can't really be Roger because he knows Roger and Roger Would Never:
Unsurprisingly, Brian is right. It's not really Roger; Master Man is impersonating the Destroyer, and the villains have taken Roger captive, and the Invaders break him out and there is an extremely significant moment where it just so happens that Roger has to catch Brian, saving his life for a change, and they stare deeply into each other's eyes and Brian seems to be having difficulty finishing his sentences:
Some people who read this therefore concluded that Brian and Roger were extremely gay for each other. While ordinarily this sort of shipping is mostly confined to fandom, in this particular instance, one of the people who started shipping Brian/Roger was Fabian Nicieza, and Fabian Nicieza, as you probably know, writes comics for Marvel. I think you see where this is going.
However, first I must inform you that, sadly, Brian has been canonically dead for years. Captain America vol 1 #253-254 -- the two-parter about Baron Blood in the Stern/Byrne Cap run in the 80s -- establishes that Brian died in a car accident in 1953. (This is also the run where Joseph Chapman -- a friend of Jacqueline Falsworth's son Kenneth -- becomes the third (and current) Union Jack.)
(Roger then appears in a bunch of T-Bolts issues; I assume there's nothing interesting there on the gay front because I feel like someone would have told me. I should probably read more than three T-Bolts issues someday.)
So, anyway, in 2001, Fabian Nicieza wrote a miniseries called Citizen V and the V-Battalion. Roger, who is still superheroing as the Destroyer despite being pretty old by this point, is part of the titular V-Battalion, and he has a very prominent role in this miniseries. And in #1, we have the usual splash page of character backstory, and there's a very, um, interesting line there:
Regarding Brian and Roger's relationship, the narration informs us: "It sounds much gayer than it probably was."
This is interesting, obviously for a couple of reasons. One is that, up to this point in canon, as far as I can tell, literally nobody thought any of this sounded the slightest bit gay at all. (Other than, I guess, Fabian Nicieza.) The other reason is that, as we soon find out, it actually was as gay as it sounds. Thanks, Fabian!
In 2002, Nicieza wrote a second miniseries, Citizen V and the V-Battalion: The Everlasting. Issue #1 opens with a flashback set in 1953; specifically, we see Brian's funeral:
Roger is extremely sad, and when Lord Falsworth expresses his sympathy about the death of Roger's "friend" and saying that he knows how much this hurts him, Roger mutters under his breath that he doesn't have the slightest clue:
All is revealed on the next page, when one of the other characters tries to ask Roger about superhero business and Roger snaps at him because, as he says, "I just watched my friend die in my arms."
Except "friend" isn't the word he starts to say:
Yep. That would be "lover." So Roger nearly outs himself. So, yes, now it's absolutely canon. Hooray.
Later on in the issue, which is set in the present day, we have a couple pages of Roger staring at pictures of the two of them and continuing to be sad:
Yeah. They were a couple.
So the question you -- being a Captain America fan -- might ask yourself is, okay, did/does Steve know about any of this? (The reason I started looking all this up was because I wanted to know if Steve knew.) I don't know if we have a panel of Roger specifically admitting any of this to Steve (and if we do, I would like to know about it), but I would be comfortable saying that Steve probably knew back then -- because, well, he seems like the kind of guy who would actually have been fine with it in the 40s, what with all his gay friends -- and also that I can't think of a reason why he wouldn't know now. Because he's definitely worked with Roger again in fairly recent comics, and also Roger is very much out, these days.
In fact, New Invaders #4 (2004) opens with Roger attending Pride:
So, yeah, he's out.
(Then he has to fight, as far as I can tell, homophobic Nazi vampires. They're yelling slurs in German. Great.)
In All-New Invaders #10, which is from 2014 (and which is not the same series as New Invaders), Roger shows up to help out the Invaders, and in passing, he just happens to mention to another character (Joseph Chapman, the current Union Jack), that he is in fact gay:
He and Joseph don't really like each other much; as far as I can tell, their acquaintance in New Invaders consists of Joseph being vaguely homophobic and Roger being bitter about him being Union Jack because he actually wanted to be Union Jack himself to honor Brian's memory -- you know, that thing superheroes sometimes like to do to honor their dead superhero significant others, viz. Hank when Jan was dead after Secret Invasion -- and now Union Jack is this annoying kid and not, y'know, the love of his life. This exchange from New Invaders #4 seems pretty representative of their relationship:
Anyway, yeah, he's pretty obviously out.
Steve isn't actually present for this conversation in All-New Invaders, but he mentions in a later issue of this run that he knows what Roger and his pals have been up to, plot-wise, so I feel comfortable assuming that he's talked to Roger at some point in the previous ten years or so, and therefore, since Roger is completely out at this point in canon, there's no reason Steve shouldn't know now.
On an unrelated note, it's also a fun issue if you're a Steve/Tony fan because this is clearly running in parallel with Hickman's Avengers run, which means that he spends half a page telling Namor that he's mad at him and the rest of the Illuminati (but mostly mad at Tony because... he's just obsessed with Tony in this run, I guess?) about the mindwipe:
This is the sum total of my knowledge about Brian and Roger. No, wait, I know one more thing, which is that Brian was a character in the late, lamented mobile game Avengers Academy, in which he was also actually gay; Roger does not seem to have been there. There's a CBR article that you can read about the whole thing, which mentions some of these details from the comics in passing. (I have no idea why it says that their relationship was alluded to in the Stern/Byrne run; unless I missed something big, the only thing those issues do is establish Brian's death. As far as I can tell, no one is gay in them.)
So, yeah, that's Brian Falsworth and Roger Aubrey, the two gay Invaders. Steve sure has a lot of gay friends.
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Let’s talk: RUN Episode 131
by Admin 1
I know I’ve probably said this about literally every episode but this one was so fun! Admin 2 and I were honestly laughing almost the entire time while also trying our best to follow along their “debates” and just taking in all the chaos. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.
Quick recap: in this episode we’re at the pool that belongs to the same hotel at which they had lunch at the end of the previous episode and the objective is twofold--not get wet and win a debate. That’s basically it, it’s like the mint chocolate debate episode but even more hilarious and with the addition of wet Bangtan.
Something I truly love is how it took vmin exactly 57 seconds (which includes the 18 second long intro) to find some kind of ‘reason’ to hold/shake hands behind JKs back. Because of course they did.
After the whole “mess” that ensued after the Titanic preview picture was posted yesterday, I can basically just say one thing--there was literally no need whatsoever to get all anxious and uncertain about the picture, or anything the shippers made out of it. As always the best course of action, which is the one I usually apply, is waiting until we get the full thing so we have context for what we’re shown in the picture/teaser/scene. It’s like that scene at the end of one of the ITS episodes where Jimin goes to JK to tell him about a supposed leak in his room which was taken way out of context and proportions until we got the next episode a week later and the actual events were completely different from anything and everything that was theorized.
So, what’s the lesson? Wait until we get the full thing, dear fellow vminnies, that way we can avoid making each other anxious and unsure.
Anyway, let’s get into it by starting with the ‘warm-up’ which consisted of one-on-one “battles” where the members stood on these floating foamy mats being held by two staff members and having to make each other fall into the water by playing the hand pushing game.
Yoongi VS Jimin -- I like how the two shortest members went against each other, which I’d assume might’ve had something to do with Yoongi’s shoulder and how chances of Jimin hurting him due to his height/size/weight were the smallest as opposed to Namjoon or even Hoseok. Maybe I’m imagining/overthinking things but it seemed like Jimin was a little hesitant/careful in how he approached the game and in the way he touched Yoongi, which honestly is very thoughtful and cute of him if that’s true, considering his shoulder and all. In the end Yoongi, after they basically goofed around more than actually tried to push each other, offers a deal of just doing it once properly, ending in both of them falling in the water since Yoongi leans forward, hugs Jimin and drags him down with him.
Tae VS Hobi -- These two might’ve been the quickest, given how Hobi said he’s scared at least three times and Tae basically use a moment to ‘attack’ where Hobi was distracted by the fact that a moment prior he thought Tae almost would’ve hit him in the face with his forehead on accident. That lucky did not happen, but Hobi did end up in the water and Tae remained on the float and completely dry.
Namjoon VS Seokjin -- Now these two, how can I put my thoughts/feelings into cohesive words and sentences instead of just a long key smash? They were hilarious, and their round definitely took the longest out of all of them, both trying to make the other fall yet simultaneously seeming like they weren’t trying all that hard since neither wanted to land in the water? After all before the game started Seokjin did complain how the RUN crew told him they wouldn’t have to get into the water. And yet, in the end, after a visible moment of contemplation, Namjoon hugs Seokjin (who hugs him back) and they fall into the water together (when I tell you how much I love them, wow).
JK VS Jimin --Here’s where we get the Titanic moment while JK and Jimin stand on the float and are being pulled to the middle of the pool, the members immediately jumping in with Hobi going “Jack, come back” in a breathy voice while Yoongi (?) sings the melody of My Heart Will Go On and everyone is laughing. It was an absolutely hilarious and cute moment. What made me laugh the most during the whole thing were the Jimin heads used to hide whatever, which I as a joke called the “Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra (Head Edition)” while talking to Admin 2. During the game itself Jimin and JK are hilarious, slapping each other’s chests and trying different tricks to make the other fall, showing how amazing their core strength and balance is, but eventually Jimin shoves JKs chest and JK falls into the water, winning the game since Jimin “cheated” and thus lost.
Seokjin VS Tae -- Interesting to note is how Jimin remained in the water and close by while these two were playing. Seokjin and Tae though somehow seemed the most chaotic out of all of them, despite Seokjin offering that they should just do it in one go...which didn’t work out. They leaned into each other twice while laughing before starting to “wrestle” until Tae put his arms around Seokjin’s waist and basically threw him into the water while subsequently being pulled after him and falling in as well. Sometimes I think we forget how strong Tae is (though after his BE_log earlier today I doubt we’ll forget that again any time soon).
Once “warm-up” was done, the members were split into two groups of three while one person, the MC, sat in the middle in a glass box (though missing the front glass panel). The rules were established and we basically figured out that there are water canons in front of the seated members and a bigger one releasing water onto the member sitting in the middle. They got words and things they were not allowed to do/say since otherwise they would get splashed.
Safe to say they all fairly quickly looked even more like very wet puppies. I mean look at Yoongi and his cute curly poodle hair, adorable!
The debate portion itself was about “crunchy or soft cereal”, “eggs of peas on jjajangmyeon” and “firm or soft peaches” and truly more chaotic shouting than actually debating. The team members and the “MC” changed for each round, which lasted 11 minutes each. Who debated what was chosen by the crew (or the MC). My highlights for the cereal debate (besides Seokjin cutely complaining how he prefers his cereal soggy and Namjoon equally cutely telling him to just pretend he likes it crunchy) were Yoongi (who was team soggy cereal) and his argument that since Kendrick Lamar eats soggy cereal, that’s basically the winning argument, Namjoon arguing that since “cereal” and “crunchy” both start with a c that’s the only right answer, and Tae arguing that if you eat chocolate cereal it’ll melt and you’ll additionally get chocolate milk so obviously soggy cereal is better. The jjajangmyeon portion had discussions about prices, as well as Hobi (team peas) arguing he doesn’t like seeing animals in pain (which was quickly countered by JK saying he’d just eaten pork before the episode) and Tae generally being appalled by having to argue in favor of peas since he doesn’t like them yet used the argument that his dad likes them so if you argue against them...well.
And finally the peaches debate had Tae and his galaxy brain using their Chilsung Cider ads as argument and how the peaches in it were firm since they bounced and thus they are better, which JK tried to counter by pointing out that those were just CGI to which Tae basically said he’s insulting their beautiful ads, how dare. I also love how Jimin, who was on Tae’s team, went along with whatever nonsense argument Tae came up with as though it was the most logical one in the world. Just lovely soulmate things, we love to see it. Speaking of nonsensical arguments, you have to give points to Namjoon for his ability to sound like he’s making perfectly sensible and logical arguments while doing, well, the exact opposite. Or Yoongi who just bs-ed his way through the entire thing while acting totally serious about it.
Can we please have a quick look at the following screenshot:
And now, can we please talk about how everyone is nicely sitting in their designated place with space between them...and then there’s vmin who are like magnets because “Space who? We don’t know her”.
Admin 2 asked me to add their comment/thought about how it looks juuuuust a little as though vmin may or may not have been holding hands below the table, which, I mean, we’ll never know but, at this point (especially after the BE unit unboxing video) I wouldn’t even be surprised if it were true.
At one point when Seokjin became the MC the water kept on coming and coming and the members were desperate to figure out what was the thing they were doing that caused it. Jimin thought it could be the caps that some of them wore, so without hesitation or question, he took off Tae’s cap (bless Jimin for giving us another view at wet hair Tae, truly) and then, I swear, it looks like he wanted to ruffle Tae’s hair yet just a second before making contact he stops himself and instead turns his hand in like a “I’m presenting some kind of argument” way. Adorable.
A final note goes out to the fact that they are wearing white button downs which, I mean, makes perfect sense I guess? And also how the crew gave them bathrobes so they’d stay warm, I’d assume, yet very quickly those were drenched as well thanks to the water canons so it basically defeated the purpose completely. And yet, despite all the water etc they all look fantastic.
Overall it’s a hilarious episode that’ll give your stomach muscles and lungs an amazing workout. Bangtan were their chaotic, loud, and mischievous selves and honestly, I can’t wait to see what else they’ll debate in the next episode.
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Read Your Mind | KTH (M)
♦ Summary: You just want to find your friends and enjoy the party, but instead you find out that maybe you aren’t where you’re supposed to be.
♦ Pairing: Vampire!Taehyung x Human Female!Reader
♦ Genre: Vampire AU, supernatural AU
♦ Rating: NC17
♦ Warnings: Cursing, teasing, implied sex
♦ Word Count: 2.9k
♦ A/N: For @btsholidaybingo | Bing Square: Vampire | Songspo: Read Your Mind - Avant
This has been 98% done for weeks, but I couldn’t write a proper ending for the life of me. Huge, giant thank you to Mars (@joheun-saram) and Danna (@unoriginal-username15432) for beta reading this and helping me try and scrounge up an ending I didn’t hate! ❤️❤️
You can swear that Mingyu texted you the right address. The house number on your phone clearly reads 1230, which matches the numbers on the beige paneled house in front of you. The street is quite dark for it to be nearly 10:30 pm on Halloween night, but the music is loud enough that you can hear it from the sidewalk.
You glance at your texts once more and make your way up to the porch, music blaring as soon as you open the door. The inside of the house is not as dark as it looked from the outside, but it’s still dim, and there aren’t enough lights. Surprisingly, it doesn't smell like cheap beer and weed, which you’re used to smelling, having been to many house parties. Instead, the air is reminiscent of burning incense and something that you can only describe as a coppery scent.
Squinting, you see if you can recognize any of the nearby faces, but you can’t place a name to anyone around you. You pull your phone out of your clutch and shoot a quick text message to the group chat to see where your friends are.
Y/n: Hellooooooo I just walked in. Where are you losers?
Mingyu: Wow and only an hour and a half late
Wonwoo: We’re in the kitchen
Vernon: I will literally down all of these jell-o shots if you don’t get your ass in here
Y/n: IF THAT INCLUDES THE CHERRY ONES I WILL END YOU CHWE 😡
Vernon: 🍒👅
Y/n: 🔪🔪
With nothing but cherry jell-o and strangling your friend on your mind, you miss the multiple sets of eyes staring at you until you put your phone away. A group of costumed party-goers is watching your every move from where they’re standing near the staircase. At least two of them have glowing red contacts, which doesn’t help your unease. Eager to leave, your eyes scan the room, and you decide to venture to the left of the house, away from most of the crowd.
Upon reaching the kitchen, you don’t see Mingyu, Vernon, or any of your other friends. The kitchen itself is empty altogether. After sending a quick text telling your friends to stop fucking with you, you decide a drink is in order.
A quick survey of the dismal spread tells you your only options are clear bottles of red wine and a punch bowl of what you can only assume is jungle juice or another alcoholic punch concoction.
Deciding on the punch, you ladle yourself a cup. It’s oddly thick when you scoop it, and it drips instead of pours into your plastic cup. Taking a sniff, you notice it’s the same coppery smell that got your attention when you first walked in. Up close, the scent makes you gag, and you recoil. What the fuck is in this drink?
Before you can take a cautionary sip, the sense of a presence has you halting and whipping around, only to knock into the solid body that appeared behind you. Two sturdy arms belonging to the man who caught you wrap around your waist, keeping you from busting your ass completely.
“Shit, I’m so sorry!” You laugh awkwardly and try to remove yourself from his arms, but his grip is much stronger than yours.
“No need to apologize, doll. It’s an honor to be this close to you.” You narrow your eyes at him. Something about his tone is off, and you don’t like it. With a quick survey of him, you see that admittedly, he’s extremely good looking. Between his dark, curly hair, thick thighs, and tattoos peeking through the sheer sleeve of his grey shirt, he’s definitely your type, but again, something is off, and you can’t pinpoint it. Even in a bunny-eared headband and a painted-on pink nose, it doesn’t seem right to be here with him like this.
“Well, uh, thank you,” Again, you attempt to wiggle out of his hold, but instead, he pulls you closer, burying his nose into your neck. “What the f-”
“Do you have any idea how divine you smell?”
“Thank you? Look, just l-let me g-go,” A sudden fuzzy sensation takes over your body, and your ability to form coherent sentences seems harder than earlier. You hadn’t even taken a sip of punch, so you know it can’t be that.
The mystery bunny man uses your lethargy to his advantage and places a few kisses on your neck. His lips are cold and send a chill through your body. You want to shove him away, but your mind is hazy.
“This’ll only hurt a bit, doll, but you’ll like it, I promise,” he murmurs into your skin. Your mouth won’t let you ask what he means, but then you feel the sharpness of his teeth grazing your skin. Your brain is screaming, but no sound leaves your lips. This is wrong. Very, very wrong. Are you seriously about to be bitten by a vampire?
“Jungkook, what do you think you’re doing?” A deep voice ringing out through the kitchen has the man you now know as Jungkook pausing before his teeth pierce your skin.
He lets out a scoff and pulls away from you. “Oh, come on, Hyung, what does it look like?”
The man enters your vision from behind Jungkook, and you make eye contact, doing your best to plead with him without words.
“Let her go and stop using your powers on her. Poor girl’s eyes look as dead as your heart.”
Jungkook mumbles something you can’t hear under his breath and releases the hold he has on you. You slump back, and in an instant, the fog that was swirling around your head lifts. You blink a few times as your senses return.
“You’re no fun.” Jungkook pouts at the other man before stomping out of the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone.
After watching Jungkook go, the man turns back to you, his chocolate eyes scanning you from head to toe. You can’t help but shrink further under his gaze. His vibe is different from Jungkook’s, less menacing, but he is just as attractive, which still makes you nervous. Slicked back black hair showcases intense eyebrows and a chiseled jaw. He’s tall and not as muscular but can still clearly throw you around like a doll if he wanted to. And honestly, you kind of want him to.
“I do apologize on behalf of him. He’s the youngest of my brothers and still behaves recklessly sometimes.” He smiles widely, and you see fangs poking out, even though he is very clearly wearing the signature purple suit of the Joker. “I’m Taehyung, and I like your costume, by the way. Are you a leopard?”
You adjust your leopard print jumpsuit, suddenly very aware of how form-fitting it is. “Y/n. And no, I’m Scary Spice. You know, from the Spice Girls?” This makes him chuckle.
“Of course, my mistake.”
You point towards his outfit. “If you’re the Joker, why isn’t your face done up to match?”
Taehyung shrugs. “It’s an old costume that I threw on last minute. I didn’t have much time for the whole thing.” He’s still smirking at you. “What’s the matter, kitten?” He asks, but his tone suggests that he knows exactly what you’re thinking.
You do your best to ignore the way his use of the pet name affects you. “I just want to find my friends. They should be here waiting for me.”
“Oh? Who are your friends? I know everyone at this party.”
“Uh, do you know Mingyu, Vernon, Wonwoo, or Seungcheol? They’re dressed as the other four Spice Girls, so they’re not hard to miss.”
After a few seconds of thinking, the man shakes his head. “Nope, can’t say anyone by those names are here...but I think you knew that already.” He starts to advance towards you, trapping you in place. “It seems you’ve stumbled into the wrong Halloween party, kitten.”
You dig your phone out of your clutch and double-check the address, showing it to him. He shakes his head. “That’s the next street over.”
Something had told you before even walking into the house that something was wrong, but hearing Taehyung confirm it proved that you weren’t just paranoid. The smell of copper and the red liquid in the kitchen, the alleged glowing contacts of people in the front room, and the fact that Jungkook nearly took a literal bite out of you all pointed to what this was. You believed in the supernatural, sure, but it was never at the forefront of your mind that you would run into a supernatural person. Until tonight.
“How interesting,” Taehyung starts. “The realization that you’ve shown up to a party hosted by a house full of vampires doesn’t seem to stress you out nearly as much as it should. Why is that?”
You’re honestly not sure, and when you tell him that, he laughs. “You know, you humans are always so fascinated with the supernatural, especially with us. We’re truly not that different than you all, you know.” Taehyung has you pressed against the counter, and you know he can hear how fast your heart is beating. You watch as his eyes flicker from brown to a deep red color.
The way he’s looking at you is different from Jungkook’s earlier gaze. The latter made you feel helpless since you had seemingly lost control over yourself. It was scary, and you are more than glad that Taehyung swooped in when he did. With him, though, the way that he’s hovering over you and studying your face is exhilarating.
Maybe you’ve finally lost it. Maybe every failed relationship you’ve had has finally gotten to you. Perhaps you’re that desperate right now. Either way, being in the arms of a vampire is better than any human you’ve been this close to.
“Your heart is racing right now. I already know the answer, but tell me anyway; what are you thinking?” He’s so close to you that his lips graze your earlobe. All of your senses are on high alert in the best way possible.
“About you.”
“And what about me?”
“Kissing you.”
Taehyung chuckles and licks his lips. Slow and deliberate. “Oh my, how forward of you. We’ve only just met, kitten.”
You stutter as a blush creeps up your neck. “I-I’m-”
“I’m only teasing you.” Taehyung’s nimble fingers come up to toy with one of your bra straps peeking out of the neckline of your jumpsuit. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you since you walked through the front door.”
He watched you walk in? How long had he been watching you? Before you can ask him, his lips are pressing into yours with a sense of urgency as he brings his body closer to yours. The marble countertop digging into your back is insignificant compared to the way your body buzzes in response to Taehyung. His mouth tastes sweet, and his lips are so soft, which are both heavy contrasts to the way his broad hands are gripping your hips so tight you’re sure you’re bruising through your outfit.
The way his teeth nip at your bottom lip elicits a soft moan from you. He uses the opportunity to suck your tongue into his mouth, and your quiet sounds grow louder, as does the stickiness in your panties. His sharp canines graze against your tongue, and you’re so close to begging him to take you on the kitchen floor of this strange house. Just as you begin rutting against his muscled thigh between your legs, he pulls away, leaving you panting and whimpering.
“You’ve got to go now, kitten.”
“Wh-What?” Your body is still buzzing while Taehyung looks much more composed.
“Your friends are waiting for you.”
“But I don’t want to.” You whine out, sounding childish, but you don’t care. You can’t believe he’s just going to leave you like this.
“Just close your eyes for me. Can you do that?” He’s whispering in your ear again, and your knees nearly buckle.
“Taehyung, I want you so bad.” Your words echo, and they sound slurred. It’s harder to open your eyes.
“And you’ll have me, kitten. Soon.” He places a kiss on your neck, and the same woozy, disconnected sensation you had felt with Jungkook washes over you. You can’t open your eyes, and you want so badly to say something to Taehyung, but your tongue feels impossibly heavy, and you seemingly have forgotten how to speak. Before you can gather any more thoughts, everything goes quiet and dark.
“Y/n? Wake up.” Hearing your name brings you out of your sleep-like state. As your eyes open and adjust, you anticipate the chiseled face of the vampire you were just kissing, but instead of seeing Taehyung’s piercing red eyes, you’re met with Mingyu’s brown ones.
Sitting up fast, you see your friend kneeling in front of you. Vernon, Wonwoo, and Seungcheol stand behind him with matching looks of concern mixed with annoyance.
“What’s going on?” You ask, thoroughly confused.
“We’ve been looking for you for like an hour! You stopped answering our texts, so we practically turned the house upside down, trying to find you!” Vernon explained.
“Come to find out you’re just here in the living room. Passed out on the couch.” Seungcheol deadpans.
Looking around, you see that you’re lying on a grey cloth couch. Around you is the rest of the party. A few people are glancing your way in concern, but for the most part, the remainder of the partygoers don’t notice you or your friends. The room is well lit and reeks of beer. The complete opposite of the house full of vampires you had just been in.
Or that you thought you had just been in.
“Where’s Taehyung?”
“Who?” Mingyu offers you his hand, which you take.
“Taehyung. Dark hair, dressed as the Joker.”
“The only guy here I’ve seen dressed at the Joker is Minghao.” Wonwoo gestures to another mutual friend across the room whose tongue is currently down a Harley Quinn’s throat.
“Well, now that we know you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere, are you up to actually enjoy the rest of the party?” Vernon asks as he adjusts his Sporty Spice track pants.
You agree and follow your friends over to another group of people you all know. Your head doesn’t hurt, and the fog over your mind is completely clear, but you’re still confused. Recalling the handful of shots you threw back before you left home to pregame, you try to remember if it was enough to cause you to blackout on the couch. Your dream felt so real, from how Jungkook influenced your mind to the pure need that Taehyung filled you with. You can practically still feel his grip on your body and his mouth on yours.
When Vernon offers you a glass of water, you down it in less than a minute to calm your vivid memories of Taehyung and the dull ache between your legs.
Only another hour goes by before you, and your friends say your goodbyes and pile into your respective Ubers. Once you’re home, you get ready for bed with your mind still stuck on your dream and Taehyung. You think of him as you undress and shower, not able to resist touching yourself at the realistic sensation of him.
He’s still on your mind as you settle into bed and attempt to distract yourself by scrolling through Twitter. You’re so caught up in your head that you don’t even notice the figure reclining on your couch across the room until he clears his throat.
Nearly jumping out of your skin, you sit up and whip around, ready to fight your intruder. You abandon this quickly when you see him stand up.
“Taehyung?”
“Hello, kitten,” his smooth, deep baritone echoes through the quiet room. He is at your bedside in no time, your studio apartment not leaving much space between the two of you, to begin with.
“I-I thought, uh, I thought you were a dream,” you stutter as he crawls onto your bed. You notice he’s no longer in his Joker costume, but a pair of black slacks and loose, white button-down instead. He still looks breathtaking. “I was with you...but then I wasn’t? I was with my friends, and you were gone, and I-”
“Ssh,” he places a finger over your lips. “Don’t worry about that right now, kitten. I’m here now, and we need to finish what we started.” His hand travels up your thigh as he speaks, fingers dangerously close to your core. “I heard you in the shower a little bit ago. I know how much you missed me.”
Did you fall asleep with your phone in your hand? Is this truly happening?
You aren’t entirely sure, but the way Taehyung suddenly tears your shirt open and latches his lips around your nipple feels very real to you. The number of times he has you orgasming into the night is also very real, and the soreness you feel throughout your body stays with you even as you wake the next morning.
It’s obvious Taehyung is determined to make sure you stop doubting his existence and thinking your time together is some sort of dream, even if it takes him the entirety of the day and into the rest of the weekend.
#btsholidaybingo#btsnoonanet#ficswithluv#heartsforbts#btswritingcafe#bangtanarmynet#bangtanhq#thebtswritersclub#bangtanuniversity#btsbookclub#btswriterscollective#magicshopnet#thebtsficarchive#taehyung x reader#kim taehyung x reader#vampire taehyung#taehyung fic
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Hoth Chocolate
DINCEMBER - December 4 - Hot Chocolate
Din Djarin (The Mandalorian) X Reader
CHAPTER 14 SPOILERS! S2:E6 SPOILERS PAST THIS POINT!
Summary: After the events on Tython, a tired Mandalorian finds himself back on Nevarro.
Word Count: 2.5k
Warnings: SPOILERS! Also a very, very sad Din.
Author’s Note: Wow... So a lot happened in that last episode, and the only way I knew how to cope was to write. Thankfully Dincember exists, and I was able to do just that! This is very sad and has some angst in it, but some fluff too. It’s the fulfillment of the “Hot Chocolate” prompt for @dindjarindiaries Dincember, which makes this post just a tad bit late. Also, I learned that hot chocolate in Star Wars can be referred to as hot chocolate AND Hoth chocolate, and I literally love Hoth so much so that little bit of Star Wars knowledge will stick with me to my grave. Anyways! I hope you enjoy!
Here’s the previous prompt:
DINCEMBER - December 2 - December (Ariana Grande Version)
And the link to my masterlist: capsironunderoos masterlist
“Cara- Cara said I could find you here.”
You’re jumping up from your seat at the sudden break of silence. The book you were reading drops to the floor, and the sound of the hardback spine landing echoes around the room.
The shadow standing just inside your doorway is one you have not seen in a long time, one you had accepted you’d possibly never see again.
You’re still standing in silence, trying to decide what he’s doing here, and how he got in, and how you didn’t even notice.
“Din?” You whisper, almost unbelieving.
Your brain tries to talk itself into believing this isn’t happening, that you’re dreaming, and in a few moments you’ll wake up, alone and nostalgic for days when the other side of your bed wasn’t cold.
The visor of his helmet is still focused on the ground, and you notice almost immediately that he doesn’t have the child with him.
You find yourself wringing your hands together, a nervous habit you’d picked up too many rotations ago to remember, and one that could only be calmed with the touch of the man who was suddenly standing before you.
A child screaming in a fit of laughter outside your door as they run by catches you both off-guard.
You jump at the sudden rupture of the silence around you, and Din spins quickly to look behind him.
Something has happened, you can see it in the way his shoulders rise at the sound of the child laughing, and then fall once they have passed.
You walk over to where he stands, still looking into the alleyway where the entrance to your house rests.
You never take your eyes off of him as you hit the button that triggers your door to slide closed.
The soft whoosh of it closing let’s Din know that it is now just you and him, that no one will ever know what takes place in this room besides you, and him.
He’s missed that feeling, and you have too, though neither of you will admit it, not right now.
Not when there are obviously too many other things to talk about.
You stand facing his side now, noting that he has yet to look away from the closed door.
“Din?” You try again, and a deep sigh falls from his lips, crackling into static through the modulator of his helmet.
“Something has happened, hasn’t it?”
You question and he still looks forward, as if acknowledging being here with you will also force him to acknowledge whatever he has been through.
“Where is,” you’re unsure if you should finish the question you so desperately want to ask.
You stop mid-sentence and clear your throat as your hands find each other again and repeat their motions from earlier in a desperate attempt to try and ground you.
You want to know what has happened, you want so very much to know where the child is, and if he is okay.
You want to know if Din is okay, and why he is here now, after so long.
“What happened, Din?” You whisper, barely audible, and for a moment you’re unsure if he’s heard you or not.
There is a beat of silence before his shoulders slump, and the visor of his helmet tilts so far down that his chin is almost resting against his chest.
Your hands ache so badly to reach out to him, to touch any part of him you can in order to reassure him that everything is okay, even though it so clearly is not.
“I,” he starts, and your chest tightens.
Are you ready to let him back in just like that?
Are you ready to hear the tragedies he’s endured since he left you, since you asked him to take you with him and he disappeared before you’d even had the chance?
Din seems to be weighing the answers to those questions as well, but you can hear his steady breathing through the modulator and you notice him turning slightly towards you.
His chin stays tucked into his chest as he continues.
“I lost the kid. He’s… gone.” Din whispers so quietly that his modulator almost misses it, as you do you.
The word “gone” ricochets around the room before crashing into your chest, and you feel the breath knocked from your lungs.
Your legs grow weak, and you steady yourself against the wall to keep from falling down.
“Din,” you murmur out softly, and he hears his name laced with both sorrow and comfort for the first time in his life.
You notice how the utterance of his name seems to physically strike him, watching as he flinches at the sound of it.
He clears his throat before shifting his weight and starting again.
“Moff Gideon followed us to Tython. I- I left the kid, I left Grogu, alone, and scared for one,” he huffs loudly, and when he speaks again his voice is gravelly through the modulator, and you know that he is trying so hard to hold back, to stay strong.
You just aren’t sure if he is trying to stay strong for you, or for himself.
“I left him for one second. That was- all it took was one second.”
The defeat in his voice is something you have never heard from him, and it is something you never want to hear again.
Your brain briefly latches onto the name the child has seemed to receive, and you wonder how Din came to know it.
Before you can ask, you hear Din take a deep breath.
He’s not finished.
“They blew up the Crest,” he mumbles, and your eyebrows furrow.
Surely you aren’t hearing him right.
“They blew up- it took one second!” He yelps this time, his voice breaking and causing the modulator to crackle so loud it makes you flinch.
“They blew up my home!”
He yells now, visor raised as he looks straight at you, begging you to try and understand where he’s coming from, as if him leaving all those rotations ago didn’t completely uproot the home you had created for yourself.
“That was my home. It was- I had so much of myself in that ship, so much of what makes me…”
His voice has quieted down now, but he still stares at you.
He can’t even finish his sentence as his hand reaches for something in one of the pouches on his belt.
Your eyes slowly travel from the visor of his helmet to his hand, where he is grasping a small silver ball.
You feel as if your heart will explode at the sight of it, immediately identifying it as part of the control panel of the Crest.
“All that was left, I couldn’t, there wasn’t…”
Hearing him struggle to speak has broken you into a million little pieces, and you feel your face growing wet from the tears you can do nothing to stop. You are frozen, and you are unsure what to do to offer even the smallest ounce of comfort to the man before you.
Normally he is the one providing comfort, helping those in need and making sure everyone is safe.
Now it is your turn to do the same for him, and you can do nothing.
You are completely shut down, unresponsive, as if you are a droid whose each and every circuit has fried.
Din’s shoulders begin to tremble ever so slightly, and before you can register what is happening he is dropping.
The Mandalorian is on his knees now, his chin resting against his chest as he cries.
The sound of his pain through the modulator is enough to snap you out of your stupor, and you are quick to follow him to the ground.
“I lost everything, everything. In minutes. I have nothing.”
He whispers, and the words are so strained, so full of hopelessness that you aren’t sure you even recognize the man before you.
Hearing him believe so strongly that he has nothing left creates a strain on your heart akin to a vice grip, and the pain of it shoots through you, but you know you cannot argue with him now.
Your role is to listen, to understand, to sympathize.
You raise your hands to his helmet, and they hang in the air for a moment as you listen to his whimpers.
Would he still allow you to see his face?
You had made his clan of two into three at one point, but you wondered if he even remembered what that felt like.
You had found sanctuary in each other, and in the way the both of you cared for the child, but it had seemed so long ago that you were unsure he even remembered a time when you were allowed to see him outside of the beskar.
You begin to move your hands back to your lap, content with wringing them against each other, but you freeze when his hands shoot up to grab yours.
His fingers are wrapped around your wrist, and holding them so tight that you are almost afraid he will leave unintentional bruises there.
His chin still rests against his chest, and his shortened gasps for breath let you know that he is still crying.
Din slowly begins to move your hands to his helmet, and he pauses for just a moment before bringing them to rest against the sides.
The beskar is cold underneath your palms, and you instinctively curve your fingers under the helmet.
His hands still grip your wrist, and with a final squeeze he lets go, his hands now falling limply into his lap.
“Din,” you state his name in wonder, and he knows why.
“Please,” he insists, begs, and it is all you need to hear.
You lift the helmet slowly, sitting it beside you on the floor as you turn back to him.
His hair has been cut, but you can still see the unruly mess of curls.
His eyes are closed as tears continue to slip between his eyelids, making their way down his cheeks and pooling into the fabric around his neck.
You inch ever so closer to him, gently taking his face into your hands.
A tear begins to roll down his cheek, and when your thumb moves to swipe it away he breaks.
A loud cry erupts from his chest, and the noise is so foreign to your ears that your brain can only register it as a feeling of unease and pain that spreads through your body like wildfire.
Din suddenly falls the rest of the way, landing on his bottom with a loud thud, pulling your hands down with him, but you do not let them move from their spot against his skin.
You have longed for one more chance to touch him, to hold him, and you would have asked for it in any way other than this, but this is all you have been afforded, and you will not take it for granted.
You follow his actions, sitting on the floor in front of him, but he is quick to catch you and pull you into him.
You straddle his lap, legs wrapped around him as he squeezes you into his chest.
His nose finds the crook of your neck and your hands move to wrap around his head, your fingers lacing through his dark hair.
You shake as he cries, both from his sorrow and yours.
Tears fall freely as your mind tries to wrap around everything he has endured, and the way he so freely trusted you with his stories.
You allow him to cry for what must be hours, neither of you moving or speaking.
He whimpers as if in pain, and his struggle to catch a deep breath shakes you each time he gasps for air.
You can feel his warm breath against your neck, and you can feel where he has soaked the collar of your shirt.
Your heart aches for him, breaks for what he has witnessed, and longs to know the status of the child.
After his breathing has begun to even out, and he has stopped shaking, you bring your hands back to his face, moving it to look at you.
His eyes are bloodshot, and the skin around them is puffy from crying for so long.
You can see that he is exhausted from the release of so many emotions, and you lovingly stroke his cheek.
The smallest hint of a smile graces his lips and is gone as quickly as it came.
“I shouldn’t have left him. I shouldn’t have left you.”
You start to protest but he does not let you speak.
“Gedet’ye, please, cyare, forgive me. I shouldn’t have left you here.”
You have begun crying again, and he moves his hands to cradle your face and wipe away the tears.
The both of you now sit in silence as you hold each others faces between the plans of your equally callused and bruised hands.
“I will always, always, forgive you. You are my heart, my home.”
“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.”
“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.”
I love you.
At your confirmation of his words, he pulls your lips to his, and the both of you continue to cradle the other as you share the softest kiss.
His lips are so familiar to you, as yours are to him, and it takes only a second for the pieces to begin to slowly connect once more.
When you pull away, a bit breathless and somewhat surprised, you notice that sorrow is still settled in the deep brown of his eyes.
“You know that I will do everything in my power to find the child, to return him safely to you. I know the attachment you feel to him, and how much he means to you.”
Din nods at your words, and you notice that he has begun to tear up again.
“I want you to tell me your plan to find him, because I know you, and I know that you were already thinking of one the moment he was lost.”
At the word “lost,” Din’s chin dips again, but you quickly raise his eyes back up to yours.
“And don’t you dare blame yourself for this Din Djarin. You knew the risks when you rescued him from the Client, you were aware of what could happen, and this tragedy has always been a possibility. The only difference is that now it is reality. Regardless, you are not at fault, and we will not abandon him.”
Din is crying again, and you swipe away each tear as quickly as they fall.
“Now, I want to hear that plan,” you prompt, and Din offers you a small smile.
“You always did love immediate action,” he states, and hearing the slight tone of tease in his voice makes your heart swell with affection.
You nod in agreement, and his smile grows.
“I will make a deal with you, Mandalorian,” his hands have long fallen from your face to rest around your waist, but he uses them now to pull you closer to him.
“Anything, cyare, anything.”
“You tell me your plan, and I’ll make Hoth Chocolate.”
He ponders your proposal for a moment, before a wide smile splits across his face.
“How could I ever refuse Hoth Chocolate?”
#dincember#mando#Mandalorian#the mandalorian#the mandalorian x reader#the mandalorian spoilers#the mandalorian x y/n#din djarin#din djarin x reader#please protect din at all costs#rip the razor crest#my fave Star Wars ship#star wars x reader#star wars#din djarin x y/n#mando x reader#mando x y/n#a lil angst#a lil fluff#still can't get over Hoth chocolate
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My thoughts on AnS Manga Ch. 119 and 120
Okay I may be late to the party but I have so many feels about these two chapters I have to get them out there or I may explode...
I CAN'T be the only one freaking out about these chapters, can I? They both contained such BEAUTIFUL and OBVIOUS Obiyuki moments that if I was in any doubt as to Sorata Akizuki's intentions before, I'm not now. Obiyuki HAS to be endgame. All the moments in these recent chapters are so subtle yet well-crafted...it can't be an accident.
Let me start by drawing your attention to the beginning of Chapter 119, specifically the title panel and the panel before that:
LOOK. AT. THIS. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming in the car with my mom when I read this. This and the next panel, more than anything else, confirms my belief that Sorata intends for Obiyuki to be endgame.
So in the first panel, Shirayuki and Tsuruba are waiting outside the party for Obi's signal. He steps outside to the balcony and waves the glowing crystal that SHIRAYUKI GAVE HIM (the fact that THAT was their prearranged signal gives me life because that crystal has so much meaning at this point). But he was supposed to flash it, not wave it. Tsuruba is concerned and asks Shirayuki if everything was all right. Shirayuki immediately gets this intense concern on her face, and she says this:
"No...Obi would do exactly as he said. Without a doubt."
Shirayuki knows Obi so well, probably better than he knows himself. She KNOWS INSTANTLY that something's wrong. It speaks volumes to their level of connection. They've always been able to tell when something is wrong with the other, even when other people don't see it. It makes me endlessly frustrated how well they know each other yet they're so blind (at least on Shirayuki's end).
And THEN. THEN.
THE TITLE PANEL.
LOOK AT IT!!! This panel comes right after the first one, by no accident. Sorata WANTS you to have Obiyuki's connection and Shirayuki's concern for Obi in your mind while you read this title panel.
This is the second title panel that has featured Obiyuki dead center of attention with significant wording beneath the phrase "A romance that cuts through fate." If the first title panel wasn't obvious enough...this one is. If I was a new reader and I only saw this panel...I would think that Obiyuki was the "romance that cuts through fate." Other wonderful tumblr users have explained how Obiyuki could be this romance, so I won't go into it...but this is just further confirmation from Sorata to me.
The first title panel read "please, take my hand." This one reads "unwavering trust." The CONTINUITY. DO YOU SEE IT THE WAY I DO?? This title panel is a response to the first one. Shirayuki trusts Obi enough--unwaveringly--to take his hand. There's nobody else that phrase could refer to. Obiyuki's trust in each other is legendary, even within the story. Other characters see them as a unit. (And their hands aren't visible in this panel but close enough that I like to believe they're holding hands beneath the frame here. It's possible!)
Am I reading too much into this? Maybe. But I can't be the only one who sees the massive significance?? I just can't!
Also, I will say the one issue I had with the story was the lack of Shirayuki in a gorgeous mask and ball gown infiltrating the party on Obi's arm (and Obi's utter swamp mess of feelings upon seeing his Miss dressed up). I feel ROBBED on that score. But at least we got to see our cat boi in his fancy clothes and mask...can we just take a moment to appreciate how FINE our boi looks? Like LOOK AT HIM
STUNNING SO SEXY SHIRAYUKI YOU BLIND WOMAN-
Ok moving on
So these next two panels were my FAVORITE part of the whole two chapters. Shirayuki and Tsuruba are outside and Shirayuki asks Tsuruba to help her up onto the balcony. But Obi APPEARS out of nowhere like he was summoned by a call (lbh his Miss asking for help probably was a call) and he jumps down besides Shirayuki and lifts her up himself before Tsuruba can even move...all without saying a word.
OUR BOI IS THE ONLY MAN ALLOWED TO HELP HIS MISS AND ONLY HIM. ZEN WHO??
Seriously, this part is so short yet so significant. It takes up a notable number of panels, and we didn't need to have Obi help Shirayuki. Tsuruba could have done it. But Sorata devotes these pages to this scene so we can SEE that Obi is still his Miss's loyal knight. He still takes care of her and is probably a bit jealous of another guy helping her when that's HIS JOB. It's a sharp reminder that not only is Obi very much Shirayuki's knight, but also he's still in love with her. It's just a sweet scene with a very easily discernible romantic element.
Also...that panel of Obi kneeling at Shirayuki's feet with his cape fluttering, ready to aid her...*chefs kiss* I could stare at that panel for hours. The facial expressions and detail during this scene is also priceless. I would rate it in the top 10 Obiyuki manga scenes, honestly.
SHIRAYUKI YOU SWEET GIRL HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLIND I SWEAR-
The rest of the Obiyuki moments that I noticed were more minor, but still really significant to their story and development as a whole. There's several panels of Obi and Shirayuki considering things together, being concerned together, working out solutions together...
Like this one (the way he hovers protectively over her shoulder tho...it's almost like his right hand is on her back):
Or this one:
THIS ONE MURDERED ME:
LOOK AT THE SYMMETRY. THE PARALLELS. THE BACK TO BACK. THE WAY THEY THINK THROUGH THINGS TOGETHER.
Obiyuki's legendary similarity in thinking will always impress me. They share such similar thought processes, they LITERALLY finish each other's sentences. And the way they come to the same conclusion in this panel and they share the same determined look like "yeah, we know what we're thinking and we know what we've got to do and we're on the same team" JUST KILL ME NOW. Could you get any more couple-y without being an officially canon couple?
And the last panel of them together: Shirayuki can ride on her own now but she sits behind Obi JUST LIKE OLD TIMES and how the two close-up panels of their faces are just too perfect and they're ready to take on the danger together like the absolute unit they are-
So yeah
Chapter 119 and 120 had some of the best Obiyuki moments I've seen in a while, honestly. The plot didn't go in the way I expected, but it was SO GOOD! The drama and pacing were absolutely on point, I can't wait until December I need to find out what happens NOW!
#akagami no shirayukihime#obiyuki#ans#obi#obi x shirayuki#shirayuki#akagami no shirayukihime manga#otp#snow white with the red hair#zen#zenyuki#mitsuhide lowen#mitsuhide#kiki x mitsuhide#kiki#kiki seiran#chapter 119#chapter 120#im dying#these chapters were so beautiful#aesthetically and plot#i need more#obiyuki really is endgame guys I can smell it#i can practically taste and feel it#give it to us Sorata
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I doubt anyone really cares, but before any of you get confused I’m not a “translation group” I’m just one person. Don’t refer to me as a group or compare me to groups because I’m not a group, everything from step one in the “scanlation process” is done by me alone
And I never finished Fukujuu to Amagami because I wanted to “outshine” Trufflenyan or to “stir the waters” or whatever.
I literally said right here that it’s because Cecil was severely injured, I cried for days thinking he was going to DIE. He was literally missing a chunk of his neck.
At the time all I thought was “How else can I make money? Maybe people will help out if I finish Fukujuu to Amagami? I’m almost done anyways, and it will bring attention to Cecil and when they see his condition maybe they’ll sympathize... It seems popular, if thousands of people read it won’t at least a few look at Cecil too?”
Cecil is better now, so I took FtA down.
Why didn’t I post about this all earlier? Because this is a frickin’ R18 blog I posted all that nonsense to my personal blog, not here. (Not referring to my main translation blog.)
And to further clarify, this is why I think Trufflenyan butchered Fukujuu to Amagami. This is just the first few pages of the first chapter, I’ve starred the incorrect places. I’ll explain why they’re wrong and of course provide the original Japanese pages alongside.
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1) どうして日本い狼が？ -> Why are there wolves in Japan?
This just shouldn’t be plural... you don’t look at a singular wolf and refer to it in the plural.
“Why is there a wolf in Japan?” is more accurate.
2) ここらで狼犬を飼ってる -> “...raising a wolf in this area...”
狼犬 means wolf dog, literal translation is... wolf dog... They are a real thing.
3) お家戻ろうね -> Go home~
This isn’t a command, 戻ろう implies returning together or is a softer way of speaking.
To clarify on speaking ‘softer,’ imagine you’re talking to a child, you don’t say “go home” because it’s forceful and direct but rather “let’s go home okay?” or “you should go home now.”
The ~ kind of softens it a bit I guess? It makes the command of ‘go home’ look oddly passive aggressive imo but everyone reads it differently I s’pose.
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4) 日付が変わった頃 -> “...returned the next day...”
If you look up 日付が変わった 英語 you’ll most likely find something like “when today becomes tomorrow,” which means midnight when the day ends.
Rather than saying he came back the next day at who knows what time, he’s actually clearly saying he came back “around midnight.”
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5) 包帯のせいでうまくできないのか… -> Is it because of the bandages that he’s not about to move about...
包帯のせいでうまくできないのか here means something closer to “He can’t do it well because of the bandages?” The “it” implied here means...
Masturbation!
That’s right, what he means to say is “He can’t [masturbate] well due to the bandages?”
Turning that into “move about” leaves out the dirty implication. The translation was kind of confusing for me so I’m not actually sure if the translator is thinking that “moving about” means he can’t move his hands up and down well or what but that’s not my problem.
6) うちの子に何かされたら困るから… -> If anything were to happen to my kid (Angela), then things will get complicated...
This is an okay translation, they even made sure to put Angela in parentheses so the reader wouldn’t get confused, but I don’t know where the “things will get complicated” came from.
困る means “troubled” or “bothered” and I guess things can get complicated because you’ve been troubled, but...
In what way will things get complicated?
He’s just saying he doesn’t want Iruma to do anything to Angela, because he’ll be troubled by it, no need to... Complicate things! (Hah, I’m not funny I know.)
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7) その時俺はあろうことかこの得体の知れない生き物を -> At the moment, I was at a loss as to what I should think of or do for this mysterious creature...
This... is hard to translate so I understand why they failed here.
あろうことか doesn’t mean he’s worried about how to care for Iruma.
あろうことか means something along the lines of “would you believe it?” or “unexpectedly.”
I’ll borrow an explanation from someone on hinative. They explain this phrase to mean そうあってほしくないのに、実際にはそうなってしまった or “I didn't want it to happen, but it did.”
So, a more accurate translation would be:
“At the time I unexpectedly [thought of] this unknown creature as...” [Next panel] “Cute”
“...at a loss as to what I should think of” is inaccurate, he is quite clear on his thoughts as he says right there “かわいい.” He thinks Iruma is cute.
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8) 近づいたら噛み殺すぞ! -> Another step and I’ll bit you to death!
This is perfect! It’s a pretty direct translation that even google-sensei can do! Hibari Kyoya even made this phrase popular. And Iruma is a dog, it makes sense that he’d bite something.
This is just praise for them deciding to keep it literal, I changed mine to “If you come any closer I’ll rip you to pieces!” Because “ripping someone to pieces” seems to be a more familiar English phrase.
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9) 新しい犬種と出会えたようなものじゃない? -> Isn’t this something like one of those new hybrid dogs?
I don’t know where the translator got “hybrid dog” from? 犬種 just means dog breed. It’s a proper English phrase, you can even look up “what breed is my dog?” to find out what breed it is.
A direct translation would be “Isn’t it like meeting a new breed of dog?”
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10) 俺を! 犬扱いしやがる奴と一緒にいられるかよ!! -> You!! I don’t want to be around people who would confuse my kind with that of dogs!!
Oh boy... this is a doozy, where do I even start! Let’s provide a direct translation first from DeepL and then from me.
DeepL: I can't be with a guy who treats me like a dog!
My translation: As if I could stay with a guy that treats me like a dog!
Now that you’ve seen the correct translation, Trufflenyan... where did it go wrong?
“I don’t want to be around people who would confuse my kind with that of dogs!!”
This went from mistranslation to straight up making a new sentence!
I know I’ve changed a couple things such as 夜這い to “in heat” because there literally is no direct translation that fits, and changing it to something that suits the context more is a good choice, but here... There is a good direct translation that makes sense and properly conveys what the speaker is saying.
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And those are just the first few pages... I’m not gonna waste any more time pointing out the fairly large amount of mistakes Trufflenyan’s group made throughout the remaining chapters because I finally got a day off work and I’m super tired. Anyways. If you’ve read this far then congrats!
I’ll be working on Arashi no Yoru ni like usual and will probably abandon this side blog for a long time again.
#fukujuu to amagami#hard to say i love you#manga#yaoi#cecil's fur is growing back so he's not as bald but i'm still afraid to touch around his neck#sweet boy i can't believe he survived i was literally mourning him...
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stargate atlantis 1x03 hide and seek, thoughts:
carson injects rodney with an experimental drug to give him the ata gene that contains a “mouse retrovirus” and rodney is nervous about that so carson jokes about it giving rodney an irrestible urge to run on a small wheel, but as someone who knows nothing about medicine but has seen the episode in which john slowly turns into an iratus bug because of a wraith retrovirus... AU in which half the atlantis expedition starts to display mouse characteristics.
fjdkfd one thing about john gleefully shoving rodney off a balcony (to test rodney’s personal shield device) that i don’t see mentioned that often (which is fair btw, because “i shot him :D” eclipses a lot) is the perfect timing of it. elizabeth is walking down the halls with grodin updating her and he’s like, major sheppard is taking his sweet time okaying sections of the city for people who need living space, and elizabeth is IN THE MIDDLE of a sentence defending john going “well, the safety and security of this expedition-” and that’s when they see john do the thing. amazing. one week in atlantis and their replacement military commander has decided to just straight up murder some people.
rodney’s smug “that’s not the first thing we tried!” followed by that partners-in-crime look of excitement he shares with john always strikes me as... suggestive. so you got john to try some things with you, huh, rodney.
john getting really into recounting earth horror movie plots to extremely confused athosian kids while being seemingly totally oblivious to how much they’re not getting it is my FAVORITE THING.
john: “hope i didn’t scare ‘em too much.” halling: “i don’t think so.” THIS IS THE EARTH/PEGASUS DYNAMIC I WANT.
john, clutching his HUGE bowl of popcorn, swaying left and right because he’s so engaged in the football game happening on screen: “oh! that is beautiful, can you believe that?” teyla, not really sure what’s happening: “s- should i not?” PERFECTION.
god i just. want to live in these little minutes of this episode. teyla asks what a hail mary is and john goes “it’s a play that you just saw” and when he realizes that’s not enough he keeps going until he realizes he’s now talked himself into a corner where he’s on the verge of having to explain all of christianity to explain who mary is and goes “did i mention i like ferris wheels?” which is nice but also. oh my god john. going by how you’re doing at explaining stuff, teyla is probably still under the impression that a ferris is an earth method of transportation and john has an obsession with its wheels. (teyla, a social person trying to learn and make friends: “how many wheels does a ferris have?” john: “just one.” teyla: [now imagines earth as a planet full of people on unicycles])
fjdkfjk. okay so jinto is missing and his voice is leading a group to where he went, which is a transporter except nobody knows about those yet, so we get like. john and rodney standing in front of these doors that slide open and where there should be “boxes from earth” so rodney’s like “someone thought that would make a nice closet” and then john and rodney step inside together. god. okay
“definitely not a closet,” john decides, once he’s inside this closet, with rodney. but he’s RIGHT it’s NOT a closet it is in fact A TRANSPORTER that can take you anywhere you want. there’s some complicated metaphor here about finding the control panel of being gay and realizing it’s actually a magical thing that will take you places you never thought you’d go. it’s somewhat narnia.
wait. so jinto went into the room with the boxes at point A and transported both himself and the boxes to point B, and then he left the transporter but the boxes were still there, and when john and rodney go from A to B, the boxes leave B and show back up at A, seen by elizabeth and teyla and halling who are still there. which means that if you transport to a transporter, whatever is in that one will get taken to your location, as in, it’s a literal swap of the contents, which has many potentially hilarious implications. you step into a transporter, you lift your arm to hit the spot you want to go to on the map, but before you can you’re suddenly in a different transporter on the other side of the city, because someone coming from there wanted to go to yours. if you’re really unlucky and you’ve hit peak transporter hours you might get zapped around the city a few times and you will need to be very quick in getting out if you reach wherever you wanted to go, because otherwise you might unwillingly start another round trip. at a certain point just walking might be faster.
out of everyone working on the problem of the energy-sucking alien darkness teyla is the only one who actually stops to think about what this strange being might want and that is just!! very good!! and says very much both about how she thinks and how the people from earth are thinking!! AND is also very much why the expedition’s “the athosians can help but only in ways we think are good” is so bad, because those athosians (very obviously, come on guys, COME ON) have perspectives and knowledge that the earthlings do not but that are extremely valuable to the survival of everyone involved.
rodney’s fearfully heroic moment is also very good, obviously. so much good character stuff happening here!
“that was a hail mary,” john tells teyla, still greatly failing at explaining anything whatsoever. a worthy ending of an episode full of john talking to pegasus people who are endeared but confused by him.
#stargatezing#(is not actually a very good pun. i might change that at some point)#sga#*#stargate atlantis#this episode is SO CUTE and i wish some of those themes of earth and pegasus people interacting and growing together had stayed
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New chapter new analysis
I’m publishing it one more time because it didnt show in tags for some reason???
I put it under “read more” so maybe now.
I finally read translation so I can finally write something about the new chapter. I know people’s strong feelings towards it and I think it’s totally understandable huh
I, personally, liked this chapter even if I think it was creepy as fuck. But I know Jun’s work and how she writes her stories and I know that she purposely made it really uncomfortable. I think this chapter was made to be upsetting because what happened during it was kinda important?
Warning; LONG POST (contains spoilers to new chapter)
First thing - Noe was forced to see some Vanitas’s memories. Of course by Misha eyes, but still it’s Vanis past. And as we know already, Vanitas REALLY didn’t want Noe to know about anything his past-related. He even threated him that he would kill you if Noe would someday try to drink his blood. So it’s opening for totally new conflict. We have two options
Vanitas would come to place and see Noe drinking Mishas blood and it would be horrible
Vanitas wouldn’t see it and Noe would live in sting of remorse and we know how emotional Noe is and it would be also horrible. And this option also has 2 options
Noe would finally tell Vani that he drank Mishas blood and it would be horrible
Misha would tell Vanitas that Noe drank his blood and it also would be horrible
When Noe started drinking Mishas blood he walked into a trap and there is no escape now. Vanitas is going to KNOW this and its going to be a problem, because knowing Vanis past, memories and emotions was a borderline in their relationship - Noe didn’t get a permission to step over it. And now he just... steped, because of Mishas blackmail.
Also the whole scene was made to be creepy - we can clearly see that Noe is distraught and scared and uncomfortable. We can hear his thoughts, we can see his terrified face
He is terrified for A LOT of reasons. A lot.
He is scared of Domis life. He don’t know what is going on with her and she is unconscious and she can literally DIE. Domi is his best friend, his childhood friend and nearly all family he has left. Domi is the closest person to him and he can’t just lose her like he lost Louis.
He DON’T WANT to read Vanitas’s past without his permission and knowledge. Its awful, it’s non consensual and non-con it’s something Noe hates, because, even if he would like to know Vani’s past (what he said back before Gevaudan arc) he don’t want to know it without Vanis consenst and he didn’t push. And now he is forced to see them, to betray Vani’s trust.He, probably, hates himself thanks to it.
He is blackmailed, bullied and intimidated which is bad on it’s own. He has absolutely NO CONTROL over a situation, he is absolutely subordinated and can’t do anything to change his situation. It’s scary.
He is forced to drink blood, which is a really intimate and delicate activity for him. He hates being forced to drink blood and forcing to drink blood, and, additionaly, Misha is a kid. Or, at least, he look like a kid (it’s hard to say his age for sure and how many years their past with Moreau happened). It’s gross, creepy and weird and Noe feels it. We can see him backing away from a fucking kid.
Jun did it purposely. Combine all of it, to made the horror moment for him, probably to break him in front o Misha.
The running thing in Vanitas no Carte is motif of Noe not having any control over anything in his life (even without his noticing). Noe never had a control over anything.
He didn’t have a control over his life during childhood, ie when he was sold on auction
He didn’t have any control over Louis’s death and curse. He couldn’t do anything to save him or to save other kids back then. He could do nothing.
He don’t have any control in general - he was trained by the Teacher to be his pupil. Noe don’t even know how big control Grandpa de Sade has over him and his doings.
He didn’t have any control when Domi found him at Orloks. She just kidnapped him to Altus.
He don’t have any control over his relationship with Jeanne - anytime he wants to talk to her or about her he is interuptted.
He didn’t want his blood be sucked by Ruthven and he didn’t want to Swear.
He don’t have any control now. He didn’t wanted to know Vanis past non consensualy, he didn’t wanted to drink Mishad blood, he don’t want to see Domi in this situation.
It’s a writing continuity. We are being told how little control Noe has over his (and others) life. It’s becaming a plot point. MochiJun knows what she is doing. She purposely made the whole chapter creepy and unsettling. She need us to know that what is happening right now is wrong - not only drinking blood from a 1/4 naked kid, but also the rest. Everything. That this chapter is traumatic - we literally touched Noes trauma, Domis trauma and Mishas trauma over a few pages and panels:
Dominique - we can see how she reacted to Louis death, how she wanted to make Noe feels better, why she changed her hairstyle and outfit, how she hated herself because it was her brother who died, not her. We can see it now - she is depressed, she hatees herself and would prefer to die over Louis. She was easy to catch for Misha.
Noe - we can see that he can do anything for Domi because she is his last friend, his family, last thing (person) he has. He can’t lose her, he is desperate and traumatized over Louis death so he can do anything, even suck Mishas blood and know Vanis past even if he hates it and its wrong for him.
Misha - we can see thanks to his flashbacks that it was hinted he was (if I undertand english correctly, sorry, it’s not my first language) se*//ually abused as a child. He thought his mother was possesed by devil, it was traumatizing on it’s own, but he was also dressed as a girl, physically abused and hit by his mother and used during her “sessions” with clients. Then he was kidnapped by Moreau who, probably, was experimenting on him just like on Vanitas - so Misha was abused again. And later Vanitas killed “father” what also traumatized him. His behaviour towards Noe it’s not really that suprising - its horrible and sad and heartbreaking knowing why Misha is that way, but its logical. It has sense. It’s just how his trauma made him.
Sooo do I think what happened in the chapter was good or okay? No. It was creepy and made me feel sick. But do I think Jun is bad for making it this way? No. I think her work is great, because she actually did planned it logically. She delivered TONS OF INFORMATIONS by only one chapter. Tons, about a lot of characters - Misha, Vanitas, Noe, Dominique, even Roland (he know Misha is one thing, but, also, why he was so beaten up? What happened my man? Who hurted you?) It wasn’t just gross pedo-fanservice some people accused it to be. (even if it was gross anyway och my gos this scene with Misha standing over Noe was frightening, I was just as scared as Noe, I felt like I was in his place and I was looking at Misha)
Also! I’m pretty sure one of the reason for Misha undressing his collar a little bit was for us (and maybe Noe too) to see his possesion mark on his arm. For some reason we, as an audience, need to know this.
But! We also get a lot of different informations -
Domi is a royal guard and is working in castle, so she probably knew Luca before and had contact with him or some other royal people. i think it’s interesting that she worked at castleas a royal guard.
Luca probably likes Domi and was worried about her. Also after knowing she is missing he decided to took direct actions, he is not passive.
Misha has Vanitas of the Blue Moon’s possesion mark on his hand. It’s really interesting, especially when we know that its his prosthetic arm. Somebody tried to cut his arm with a possesion mark and I bet it was Vanitas or Misha himself. Yet it DIDN’T work, mark of possesion is still here, above his prosthetic.
Noe “don’t know anything about Vanitas”. It was an important sentence. It was something that Noe need to know narratively speaking. It’s pushing the story forward, because Noe’s and Vani’s relationship is the core of the story. It was literally told in the first chapter that it’s a story about their journey.
Misha had a lot of bruises on his whole body after he was rescued. We knew he was beaten, but we could also see it’s evidence.
Mishas face when Noe drank his blood was similar to his mother face when a vampire drank his blood. It wasn’t accidental, we were shown his trauma and how it’s affected him.
Next thing I noticed:
In this panel, Misha looks A LOT like Vanitas. Og course he has child features and chubbier face, he has white(?) hair and eyelashes ets, but his mimic, his gaze, how one of his eyes is covered by hair and his words. Its literally how Vanitas’s panel would be draw. It’s really Vanitaish.
We also got some questions, like:
What happened to Misha and how he lost his hand?
What Luca ordered Jeanne? (probably to check out real Paris and maybe find Domi or Noe)
Why Mishas mark of possesions was so important for us to know?
Is that Roland met Misha in the past important?
Why was Roland so beaten up?
There was also one more thing. Jun is operating in her story not only by making parallels betweend her characters (ie Teacher and VotBM, or Astolfo nad Vanitas, or Louis and Domi etc) but also contrasts. The biggest contrast motif on the story are probably Vanitas and Noe thanks to not only their history, but also their appearance, personality, design of their clothes, their height, their names (Vanitas being related to death and vanity, Noe being related to saving and something biblical etc). Their whole characters are made constrast. And so we got here:
Vanitas and Misha are not made parallels, theyre made contrast.
Misha is looking from the upside, Vanitas is looking from the above, Mishas hair is white, Vanitas hair is black, Vani has a shadow over his face, misha is lighted. Misha has white eyelashes, Vani has black. Misha looks calm an suprised, Vani looks stressed. Their whole “atmosphere” is different. Even if Misha is bruised in this panel he looks clean, even angelic, when Vanitas looks... bad, he has dark circles under eyes, wrinkled eyebrows, bandage etc. They’re made to contrast themselves, not to be compared to. It’s the next hint about their role in the story I suppose. That they’re not similar, they’re not the same and there is something basically different about their roles.
I would also like to write about shadow and light work in this chapter, but I’m just really tired right now, soo here it is! My analyze od the new chapter, or, at least, the most important parts of it (for me). I liked it in general, but it was... stressed and I was anxious about this chapter for the one whole day. But in general I think Jun did gods work with delivering informations she wanted to delivere.
#the case study of vanitas#vanitas no carte#vanitas no shuki#long post#vanitas#misha#dominique de sade#noe archiviste
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Mental Health and Otherkinity
This is my panel I did today! enjoy! it’s the script
My name is scar im apart of a system of 4, I am mightyenakin from pokemon. Trans ftm and very queer. We have a lot to go over so lets jump in.
Today I want to talk about my experience with being psychological kin. Talk about how this has shaped me as a person. How the community handles psychological kin as well as the greater outside world. So lets get into it. Otherkinity has been in my life ever since I can remember. From the age of 3 I can remember feeling non human and having alters that were also non human. I’ve also found for my life and my experience my mental health and my otherkinity are two things that have wound themselves together. I can never look at one without the other are both play a critical role in my identity.
I can say as psychological otherkin right now I stand at an interesting intersection of my life where I have the most freedom I have ever had and dealing with the worst trauma I’ve had to face. I recently got out of a bad long term relationship of something I had been in for 7 years. I can say the events I’ve lived did and still do directly impact my identity and change how I see myself.
for me I cannot explore my otherkinity without exploring my trauma and mental health
these two parts of myself are closely woven together. DID is a product of trauma and it’s something that rules over my life daily.
It is something I don’t just accommodate it is a way of life for me.
For the past 3 years I’ve been in intensive therapy going at least once every two weeks. At one point going twice a week, completed an inpatient and outpatient program. Needless to say I have been fortunate enough to not be in a lot of debt. However I would like to think that these things have helped me immensely. With the background talk out of the way lets get into how these things have shaped my identity.
A little bit about me. I am diagnosed with DID or dissociative identity disorder. This means my identity is split apart between alters or alternate personalities. If your unfamiliar with plurality I can say with confidence that can be its own talk but heres what you need to know.
• My alters are distinct each having their own morals, ideals, life perspective, lived experiences and memories separate from my own.
• We all share one body like roommates share an apartment space
• My alters are a result of trauma I experienced during my life. Each of us hold our share of trauma so imaging trauma is sandbags instead of 1 person holding 100 pounds of sand we have given 25 pounds of sand to 4 alters. Which is much more manageable.
• My alters including me were shaped from the environment they came from
· Alters also share an inner world where they can interact with one another. This also a place where I can easily my identity and how I view myself internally.
Some others fun things about me is I have some mild psychotic symptoms. Since I’m in my early 20’s they’re pretty manageable at the moment I am always keeping an eye out for them worsening though. These things include hallucinations visual, auditory, touch, smell, taste. I also have a weird mix of beliefs that can mix into delusion territory but aren’t damaging to my life and therefore cant really place a good label on them. So I consider them delusional like but not the same experience as a true delusion I believe I could very much be wrong.
my first identity shift was when I was a child about 3 years old was the first time me as an alter became prominently separate from our host. It was apparently at that time I was non human and a hyena. I looked like a hyena from lion king roughly no character in particular and acted as a companion/ friend.
When I got a bit older at 4-5 my identity shifted once I moved and left behind some family. I changed from a hyena to a pokemon. If I could guess I would say due to a pokemons inherent loyalty. My identity became a mightyena a wolfish hyena basically and the codependency that pokemon carry also carried over.
I was depended on to be support for our host and to take care of them as a friend and caretaker. We experienced neglect at the time and this was reflected with my identity. I was a creature that was supposed to stay with someone forever basically giving a comfort we were missing to our host so they could continue functioning. I would say my identity changes based on my environment and is sensitive to my environment all the time
depending on what I experience I see myself change and adapt because of how sensitive we are as a system trying to adapt in the world around us. I often think if my identity isn’t shifting a little it might be a sign of trouble and us shutting down being unable to adapt and change.
When I was 5-6 it changed to its own species a threatening wolf. Which it stayed until a few months ago. My identity as a threatening wolf changed a lot I had spikes then got a sword tail then was able to breathe fire, my size would shift and change, my tail length and ability to move it would change. Teeth, eye color, would all change depending on my environment. For example when I was deep in abuse with my ex I gained the ability to breathe fire suddenly as a needed adaption to scare them away. My eyes turned red to look scarier. I got bigger. This all happened internally as my ex was able to interact within our system in our inner world. Which is a terrible idea by the way don’t be an idiot like me. Which was why I needed to look scarier as a way of protection
Lately I have been healing from trauma and now that my ex is gone so is a lot of pressure to defend myself so I turned back into a mightyena which is much more defenseless but much truer to how I see myself in a safe space. Im sure if trauma happened again I would shift back to a threatening wolf as a means for protection. When it comes to plurality labels I fall under protector and host we are pretty integrated though so we have grown out of most typical labels due to how functional each of us are now.
This concept of a changing identity is taboo in otherkin communities
usually we are lead to believe when we were kids we have always been one strict animal for our whole lives and just now learning about it. this animal never changes it is static unchanging and we simply learn about it as we grow up. My experience has been wholly different. My animal and my identity changes based on my environment it can be subtle or drastic. I never evoke or ask for the changes they simply happen and I have to adapt to the new way I see myself. Trying to apply my identity to the common otherkin rhetoric gave me a lot of grief as a teenager
when I was about 13 because I would discover something about myself say breathing fire or growing in size and be ashamed because I knew these changes were not “typical”
as an aside I think this notion that my experience is atypical is also false. I think this is fairly common but a lot of otherkin just handle it in a way that flows with the static concept where we learn we have a new kin type but still also have the old one, we learn something about our kin type that totally shifts it but connect it back to our old kin type, we find new features, personality traits or experiences that now define our kintype that were never there before and newly discovered
Otherkinity is about self discovery and how it’s essentially chasing a dragon. Literally. We will never fully know our internal identity no matter how closely we look into it. there is so much that we learn and how to weave into our identity otherkintiy is as much of an art as it is a science when it comes to self reflection. It’s just like any other aspect of ourselves we can create labels for our sexuality and they work but they don’t capture 100% of what you experience theyre a short hand for others. I find that otherkinity is this concept on steroids. I find my identity to be a much larger part as it impacts everything including my sexuality it is more prominent for me so trying to put it under labels becomes increasingly difficult.
How are we supposed to create a short hand for who we are? All of those moving pieces inside of us that shape our perspective, experiences, how we interact with people, how we love people, how we go through day to day life, and we are supposed to just say something like “bear therian” what if it changes? What if we have quirks that our outside of this label? When I first joined the otherkin community it was pretty frowned upon to change your identity. You had to be a wolf therian, you had to be a dragonkin. Once you picked a label that was it. your locking into your identity if you didn’t you weren’t taken seriously.
Ableism in the otherkin community
I question as well if this correlation between identity stability and maturity/credibility is ableism. Usually I noticed when I first join the therian and otherkin community there was a push for “not looking crazy” so as to not get bullied further for identities. I’m sure anyone in the LGBT community knows trying to please people making fun of you really doesn’t work. There is a prominent fear of seeming to outsiders as if were roleplaying or kinning for fun which seems to be a whole other topic in and of itself. My personal experience has lead me to the conclusion that these people are going to come at you regardless of how often you shift your identity, how seriously or goofy you take it, how analytical you are with your identity whether you write essays or one sentence it does not change the views of outsiders.
Endels, clinical lycanthropes, and other nonhumans who have mental illness-based identities face a similar ableism. It wasn’t until earlier this year, 2021, when the connection between mental illness and nonhumanity was finally accepted by the greater community. But even still, Endelic communities are more often treated as a novelty; not something to be taken seriously as an identity, just something “interesting.” Mental illness, especially psychotic disorders, aren’t pretty or tame, and the greater nonhuman community appears to subtly enforce this stigma. Werewolves are monsters, and the greater community spares no feelings in reminding us of this, with such unwelcome words my friend babydog’s met as and I paraphrase a quote here from my friend baby dog “you’re welcome here, but you should expect people to uncomfortable about your identity as an endel or question your endelity. I dont personally believe people like you should be part of alterhuman communities.” End quote Many of those who are part of the greater alterhuman community are still concerned about respectability politics, how we appear to outsiders, rather than being concerned about how inner-community members are finding their welcome. Arguments like “But, clinical lycanthropy was previously used as ammunition against all Otherkin! We’re playing into anti-kin’s stereotypes!” isn’t an excuse anymore, because throwing your own community under the bus isn’t acceptable anymore. We want a higher standard in this community than being driven by shame that makes us hide members of our own community. It’s much better to stand with them.
Lets also take a moment to acknowledge these actions stemmed from an act of seeming more credible and not “crazy”. I’d like to say also that the stereotype of crazy doesn’t exist when we think of crazy we think of someone whose mentally Ill and struggling to function. In reality these people have an untreated mental illness or going through an episode that’s only one aspect of a person. They do other things with their life including myself. I write poems and go out with friends but if someone only judged me at my worst and lowest I would fit into this “crazy” stereotype. Its not fair for us to judge people based on actions they cant control. Based on trauma or brain chemistry people are more than that I think can agree.
we should be understanding with these people treating them as whole people not just one descriptor. crazy is really just a derogatory name for someone with a mental illness. So to avoid being crazy means to avoid any signs of neurodiversity people view as abnormal. Or signs of nonconformity with nuerotypicals
-endels still face ableism typically in the form of being treated like a novelty and not really being taken seriously. Endels are still getting called interesting a lot) and it makes them feel like a specimen within their own community. I’m sure those who suffer from mental illness understand how degrading it is to be looked at as some sort of test subject or lab rat. I think as a community we can do better and be more accepting and open to all forms of otherkinity. Shutting down this kinda of language would be great for endel otherkin.
-endels are still having to deal with other community members who use psychotic/delusional/etc as insults or jokey words. These words are derogatory and insulting they shouldn’t be said as insults or jokes there are plenty of other words that could be used and it pushes endels and otherkin with psychotic symptoms away from the larger community. Using this language shows an ignorance to the ableism still alive and active towards endels.
-none of this helps internalized ableism!! All the actions described above only reinforce internalized ablism. This creates a combative and toxic environment for endels and otherkin with psychotic symptoms. It would be in our best interest as a community to help bring down ableism and be more aware of what were saying and to who.
Some things to keep in mind
-treating psychotics like they cant make their own choices is not ok/ thinking for them
-insults and jokes using derogatory language is triggering and alienating
-treating psychotics as lab rats or something to gauk at as “interesting” is demoralizing and takes away someones individual power as a person. Its hard to have an identity and a voice if everyone is busy staring at you like a lab rat.
What about the internal side of the otherkin community? I found when I was apart of the therian community this was a more prominent problem and still is in some corners I wander into. Otherkinity also holds some ableist views but from what I’ve seen not to the same intensity as therian communities. This I would say is a cultural difference from a new age of therians that took over the internet, p-shifting cults, wolf packs, and some forums for therians were intense I know previously therians and otherkin identities didn’t have to much of a difference besides animalistic tendencies or a way to further define an identity. Once this shift happened it became more so about earthly creatures or animals based on earth. earth mythics, animals that exist present day and extinct, and plants as well. I’m not an expert of the history of otherkin and therians so I would direct you to house of chimeras and who is page for more information over it gladly. If im wrong please correct me. That’s my understanding. This shift to earthly animals also carried a sentiment or notion of being more “real” than otherkin that I often experienced in the wolf packs and forums. Since they’re identities were based on “real” animals it made them more valid otherkin. An easy question I asked often or others would ask was a simple “why?” and the response I experienced a lot was “so were more credible/ don’t seem crazy” this was 8-9 years ago which was at the time the height of otherkin hate. It came across as a borderline phobia to be seen as an antikin steriotypes which were ableist stereotypes to begin with. some of these communities in reaction created ridged and strict cultures of how to be therian. This would leave an imprint on many people including myself.
so that was 8-9 years ago why do I bring it up? Because I still see this sentiment present just subtle.
Some things I feel were carried over is: Overly present and specific about kin types, an obsession with details and intricacies to a degree where its no longer beneficial to learn, embarrassed or shamed for certain kin types, a focal point on kin type tendencies and ignoring or pushing aside human experiences to further pronounce a kin type. A fixation on the past and not taking into account of the present, always centering around the past. I would say these behaviors in the community were influenced from the wolf pack cultural shift.
These are a remanent set of reactions from a more intense time of grilling, questioning and if validity was questioned your title could be easily taken away in close knit communities. I think the otherkin community still has some skeletons in the closet so to speak of a more intense time that a lot of members endured and witnessed. We passed on this culture, myself included as we grew up cause its how we learned to present our otherkinity. We can unlearn though and I think it’s time to push for more freedom and new ways to take on otherkinity.
a larger problem I see is a fixation with the past which once it gets to a certain point I don’t think can be constructive or healthy. Exploring your past is good, gaining context for your actions and your background is good, but living in the past is not healthy. Reshaping how you live in the present by escaping to the past isn’t really healthy. I find it worrying how common it is for otherkin to not tie their humanity and the present to their identity. It hurts to say, it can be uncomfortable but being human is apart of our experience. Now my therapists always say “never damn a coping skill” if looking to the past and living in the past finds you comfort and it keeps you stable that’s ultimately a good thing your staying stable and keeps you functioning. I urge though for people to start to take the time to explore humanity with our otherkin identities and living more in the present. How your identity effects you right now. How people interact with you and what you can do to tie your otherkinity to the physical world to the present. I think it’s a balancing act ultimately trying to find a sweet spot between the past and the present. Not completely ignoring your past and only staying in the present or only living in the past and neglecting the present. Its not easy and something im actively working on myself.
I want to highlight the present cultural imprint the wolf pack phase in present day otherkin communties and how new otherkin members seeing and reacting to it. we as older members may not realize how impactful our words are and may not notice us carrying an imprint of the past with us. Here some quotes I picked up. I asked a few friends their experiences who had come as otherkin in the past 6 months. I was also able to get 1 anecdote anon from my tumblr after sending out a request earlier today they are also pretty recent. Here what they had to say. These are all anonymous.
“(tumblr)My experience was pretty good! The community is super open and friendly, or at least the side of it I'm on (idk about the fictionkin side of it which might be more controversial/full of discourse).
It was easy to get into which is good because I was super scared about it 😅”
“(friend) the whole community is
scary, for me at least, mostly because some of the older grey muzzles seem really intimidating and cliquey
the discord group im in seems like really cool to me, they are all super nice and helpful but the rest of the community is super scary for me”
“(friend) [when asked about getting into the community] it's weird to me, it really is.
like
I've spent a good chunk of time just like
wondering what it could possibly mean to be "valid" otherkin
like, who's judgement is that? mine?”
My Take on otherkinity
Im telling my story because my mental illness causes me to fall into an undesired or taboo identity categories or stereotypes of otherkin often. I find instability, identities that are less material or easily relatable, signs of mental illness with otherkinity. Are swept under the rug. I’d like to change that and show that instability, less relatable, highly specific or vague identities are just as valid. My experiences can be something of an uncomfortable truth for some that otherkin can be cringy or be easier to target from outsiders. I ask to everyone that has some reservations about accepting more diverse identities to consider how beneficial these new perspectives bring to our community. These identities give a perspective and voice we are missing and is needed. It’s beneficial for our community to be heard fully so we can support and help everyone. Endels may have a perspective other therians/otherkin may not have considered before. the wider range of experiences about our community that we share the better. It gives us the tools to make the community even stronger.
I would say overall psychological kin are extremely diverse and no experience is going to be the same. Its difficult at best to say anything that all psychological kin experience because the definition is so broad. We all have unique and diverse stories and I’d like to encourage everyone to share them even if they show mental illness. Things like Delusions, trauma responses, trauma sourced, episodes and regression. I would love to see more inclusivity for the messier and less understood part of psychological kin.
So lets get into some of my specific experiences. my identity is messy at the moment as my brain seems to have an interesting understanding of what a mightyena is. It has 2 images instead of one
These two images are houndoom and mightyena. Both of them I see myself as but are the same entity. My brain cant see the difference between the two as an identity at the moment. So theyre both “mightyena” its quirks like this that I think should be seen as more acceptable in the community because its messy at best. It has made me on several occasions go “that makes 0 sense” but from a trauma stand point it doesn’t surprise me
my brain has trouble picking only one. If my 5 year old or 3 year old brain attached itself to both images and called them the same then well that’s it im both of them at once. Brains don’t tend to work very logically and while it sounds confusing I would say it probably feels similar to having 2 kin types active at once. The two identities don’t blend (ie mightyena wolf hyena doesn’t breathe fire while houndoom does. ) I experience a range of both identities at once. They’re both mightyena it just so happens that image that’s associated with houndoom is present when something happens that only that pokemon could do or associated feelings or states. I would say theyre 2 different kin types except if I say I have a houndoom kin type I don’t think of anything and don’t feel anything. When I say I have a mightyena kin type I have images and feelings from both. They also cant seem to be separated both images and associations need the other. Its interesting. Its very funky. The wonderful world of trauma. Could probably make anew label for that but that’s alright im not one for labels.
I experience something I call m-shifting which is really animal regression. It’s called m shifting because I was previously in an p-shifting cult where it developed it. it’s uncontrollable but I can start it or trigger it if I want to. When I go into an m-shift I cant understand English, read English, walk on two legs well, speak, or know basic things most people would know. My brain goes into instincts and impulses. I don’t think critically or contemplate much. My thoughts are in images and feelings. Its fun. But its difficult to control, I find it’s a way for me to relieve stress in excess when I cant seem to find a good outlet for it. this is part of my identity is what makes me relate to the werewolf community so much since its involuntary and frowned upon generally to greater society .(aka internalized ableism) One of my biggest fears is shifting in public or with friends. It’s hard on me for sure.
Another thing that effects me is coping linking as someone who deals with trauma I have found lately I’m starting to create involuntary coping links. I had a brief coping link as a sled dog its purpose was the personality of a sled dog was something I needed to be at the moment to stay functional and coherent once I learned to do that without my coping link it went away. I notice myself having brief coping links on and off each of them usually teach me something or a skill I couldn’t fully understand yet.
I experience false memories. My memories change depending on my identity. I don’t force or make them change they simply do.
they hold the same narrative throughout all the changes though. The narrative from what I understand seems to be a re telling of my trauma. My false memories don’t seem to be a major part of my identity and I think I may have them simply because of p-shifting cult trauma and the pressure to have a past life or noemata. I think my false memories are a way to retell my trauma in a form that gives me validation as an animal. I do know seeing myself as human in memories is inherently triggering for me as I cant recognize myself so a set of false memories that lets me see myself in those situations as an animal is comforting and validating. It helps me evaluate my trauma better and understand why I feel the way I do about trauma. A dog that looses its molars would be distraught while a human doesn’t really care if they get wisdom teeth removed. Evaluating trauma through an animalstic lens has helped me immensely. I’ve noticed the more I evaluate and see my trauma through an animal lens the weaker my false memories become and I think that’s neat.
My perspective of the world also changes as my identity shifts
I see the world differently as a mightyena than I do as a threatening wolf. Objects, people, environments and habitats have different meanings to me and associations according to shifts and how my identity changes. These associations and meanings are ones that either I had when I was a child, or ones I repressed due to being childish or something I didn’t see as acceptable at the time. So my identity now has a wider range of perspective. My threatening wolf perspective toned down a lot and let the repressed associations and meanings take a more dominant role.
Another thing that effects my otherkinity is when it comes to species dysphoria I would say it’s a large factor in how I experience otherkinity. I would say my otherkintiy is something very based in the present. I don’t think about my kintypes past, I don’t think about its future or let my mind wander off a lot about whats going on with it. I am usually observing it in the present moment. A big part of that is my species dysphoria which tells me a lot about what I am. I’m trans female to male though that’s debatable as im considering a gender to my kintype. Human gender dysphoria is something that bothers me a decent amount. What has sent me to therapy though is species dysphoria. It is unbearable for me. I have fangs, a tail, a collar, wolfsbane pendant for mythology about werewolves, pointed nails, short hair thicker hair to resemble my kin type. I had to learn how to make animal vocalizations like growling, snarling, whimpering because I felt incredibly stressed being unable to emote properly. I learned to walk on all fours and run as well. I learned to play and move like an animal mostly from m shifting but it helps immensely. Getting on T has helped a lot as I got furrier, deeper voice, thicker hair, generally able to gain muscle better. Overall has helped my species dysphoria. Its something I’ve always had that brings me immense discomfort. I’m planning to make a prosthetic muzzle to wear and possibly some ears.
This dysphoria is apparent when you see me on the street cause im wearing a collar, tail everything I can’t hide my otherkinity because it triggers my species dysphoria to much to hide it so I just have to roll with it. the census? Its really not that bad being out or showing im otherkin. It’s a good conversation starter and most people are friendly about it here which has been nice. I do get asked if im a furry I usually say yes just cause I don’t feel like explaining otherkinity. If someone asks why I usually just say I see myself as an animal. Responses are mixed but people are polite about it. wearing gear makes me feel much more grounded in where I stand with my identity. I noticed a feel much more confident about myself when I am being myself unabashedly. Who knew. Also planning to get some combat boots and add some spikes to them to imitate claws. Should be fun.
Heading back to my weird quirks and otherkinity experience Phantom shifts are something I experience all the time 24/7. In part due to p-shifting cult and also a way to manage my species dysphoria. It’s pretty intense for me and its something I find comfort in and encourage. It’s a way for me to find the world more relatable. Often these shifts calm me down and make it easier for me to navigate the world. I would say my phantom shifts only effects parts of my body im aware of not my entire body all the time. Rather whatever body parts im using. It also does its best to not have any “clipping” through objects and my shift may phase out if there may be clipping to a body part im aware of.
Lastly My gender and sexuality I would say tie to my kintype as well. Im attracted to otherkin moreso than humans. I really like animalistic aspects to people and traits I see in my kintype in other people. I find I get along best with canine kintypes. My gender im realizing is more so tied heavily to my kintype I want to be a male mightyena whatever that entails and it plays closely with my species dysphoria. I find when I relieve my species dysphoria I tend to also relieve a bit of my gender dysphoria to. I say im ftm as a short hand because that’s what my kintypes gender seems to line up with the most. Though I think that will be less and less the case as I start wearing things like a prosthetic muzzle which is pretty animal gender to me.
Therapy and Otherkinity
On this topic I would like to talk about how therapy and otherkinity interact cause that’s something central to this panel. For me I always noticed that when I am given analogies in therapy they are always about an inner child, how I was as a human kid, how I am as an adult. These things are good but they lack the context of me as a whole. I am not just a human I am an animal in a human body which changes a lot in how I’ve had to take care of myself and apply advice given to me by professionals. For one I always have to tell professionals im otherkin and what that entails. That it isn’t a hobby or one aspect of me but something that impacts my entire perspective. Methods of self soothing just wont work for me if I don’t change some wording around. There is no inner child for me personally theres a puppy and a puppy seeks out an entirely different sets of behaviors, emotions, and emotes/ way of communication than an inner child would. You would be able to talk to an inner child hug them and act as a type of parent to them. With a puppy I tend to act more as an owner or an animal parent depending on whats needed.as an owner i have to bridge the communication gap with things like chew toys, petting, dark cozy places, brushing or grooming, non verbal communication
which plays a much larger part in my healing process than what I read or what methods im taught. As an owner to myself I have to learn to take care of my inner puppy the way I needed which can be difficult when no one you know has to follow that method. As an animal parent I also have to act as I am, an animal to my inner puppy that’s what we both understand the common language we speak is non human and is critical to my healing. I find protecting my inner puppy as an animal parent gives me a larger sense of catharsis it feels like something I can finally understand however the methods don’t translate well to the real world. I cant just snarl at people I have to talk to them in a disagreement. I cant go hunting I have to go shopping. Which is why having both an owner and an animal parent.
Both are important because both aspects cant be ignored and need to be used in tandem.
Healing for me when it comes to trauma involves a lot of balancing between my human life and my animalistic needs which is something I have had to do and explain to therapists the difficulties of doing so. I notice most therapists I have met cant seem to grasp this and see otherkinity as more of a metaphor than an identity. I noticed a lot of my therapists would just change metaphors to talk to me instead of reshaping a technique for healing which has caused a lot of problems. An example I can think off the top of my head is instead of “a family sticks together” may be “a wolf pack sticks together” which is helpful sometimes but if it’s the only change it becomes detrimental to me. Often because while not intentional I think a lot of therapies are human-centric. There is an assumption you are human in order to apply the coping techniques or healing strategies. This lead to me unintentionally repressing a larger chunk of my otherkinity just because I was applying these skills without changing anything. Sometimes present day I still fall into this and notice it triggers my species dysphoria to worsen. It can be difficult to spot for me as well because otherkinity is so uncommon no one else is having the same issue in my real life friend groups. So I assume whatever im doing must be ok cause it seems to work ok for everyone else. Which ends up not being the case.
A solution I’ve found to help with this is for one explaining as I go with a therapist what is and is not working. I have to be an advocate for myself and teach them as well what I like and what works and what doesn’t. I try my best to let them know when something they do is detrimental. I also try to explain what brings me comfort and what doesn’t. a nice talk isn’t going to help my puppy self but a hug would. Things like that. When it comes to internal imagery some therapists use I know stating to them youd like them to consider your kintype as yourself has helped me by them not seeing me as a fully human being or just my irl body.
overall I hope this talk has helped some people. Given some new perspectives. And I am happy or reiterate some topics I went over. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
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The Force Awakens Chapter 1: Secret Ties || P.D.
| The Force Awakens Masterlist |
Warnings: TFA Spoilers
Word Count: 2.7k
After following Poe Dameron to the planet of Jakku in order to retrieve a map that supposedly leads to Luke Skywalker, a series of unthinkable events ensues and you’re left, stranded on a planet you know next to nothing about. After finding Finn, the stormtrooper you and Poe escaped with, BB-8, the droid who holds the map, and Rey, a girl who is surprisingly strong with he Force, you four embark on a mission full of long-lost family members, life-threatening situations, and tricks played by the Force. A mission that will change the fate of the galaxy.
[A/N]: The cliffhanger I leave you guys on is arguably worse than “I’ll Come Back” ch3 but anyway-
A light knocking jolts you out of your serene state of sleep. Stealing a quick glance at your alarm clock, it shines a bright 01:57 back at you. Probably just the new recruits playing pranks. Again. You’re too tired to tell them off, instead burying your head back into your pillow and allowing sleep to overcome you once more.
But there’s more knocking, and this time, harder.
“These kids are really pushing the fucking limit,” you mutter, tiredly getting out of bed and slamming your combination panel, ready to yell at a bunch of rookies while they scurry away. Instead, you see Poe, which brings a smile to your face.
That smile doesn’t even last a second, the expression on his face wiping it off yours almost immediately.
“I know that look. What happened?” you question, grabbing his hand to pull him into your room. He steps back as if you’re a stranger and not his best friend of four years.
Awkwardly dropping your hand back to your side, you take a step towards him and rest your weight on the doorframe, trying to read his expression to get a clue as to what he was about to say next.
“I just came to say goodbye.” Your raised eyebrows cause him to elaborate. “Leia briefed me an hour ago. We have intel on the map that leads to Luke Skywalker.”
“Luke?” you blurt out, eyes widening. “All right, give me ten.”
“For what?” You scoff at his question, motioning to the shirt and shorts you were wearing.
“Does it look like I’m going to be flying in this?” He shakes his head in confusion, and you automatically know you’re missing something.
“You’re not coming.”
“Says who?”
“Leia.” You groan at the mention of her name, massaging your forehead.
“You’re listening to Leia? Where’s Poe and what have you done with him?” He doesn’t even crack a smile, which causes alarms to go off in your head. “Exactly how dangerous is this mission, Dameron?” you inquire, standing up a bit straighter than you had been before.
“Either I come back in a couple of days… or I don’t come back at all.” You inhale sharply at the last part of his sentence, already starting to feel your anxiety heighten.
“And why the hell am I not allowed to go?”
“She said that you’re in more danger than I am there, or else she would’ve sent the both of us.” You roll your eyes, growing increasingly frustrated with Leia.
“Of course she did,” you mumble under your breath.
“I know there’s something you two are hiding from me.” Oh. So that’s why he’s being so moody. You wait for him to say something, but apparently he’s waiting for you to address his theory—which isn’t entirely incorrect—because you two just stand in an uncomfortable silence. “Okay then. I’ll be back soon.”
You’re at a loss for words as he walks off without anything else. No hugs, no promises, no jokes. He just… leaves.
Deep in your thoughts, you retreat back into your room and sit down on the edge of your bed, holding your head in your hands and bouncing your leg anxiously.
You have to go. You have to go help him and make sure he doesn’t fucking die.
But Leia said you couldn’t.
Fuck what Leia said. Since when do you listen to her, anyway? Isn’t Poe more important than a decision you know is wrong?
You could die. He won’t do anything to Poe, but only the Maker knows what will happen if he gets his hands on you.
Poe wouldn’t let him do anything to you, and that’s just a fact.
He’d kill Poe if he tried to protect you. Think about that.
Your emotional and logical sides battle it out in your head as you clench your fists, sighing and letting your emotions win over. Taking off your shorts and slipping on a pair of pants, you leave your quarters and head down to Leia’s office.
You don’t even bother to knock, typing in the combination and nearly barging into her office. She gives you one glance up from one of her many datapads strewn across her desk, almost literally buried in work.
“This is about Poe—”
“No.” She raises her eyebrows, shifting her attention from her reports and other general duties to you, leaning back in her chair. “This is about why you won’t let me go with him.” She groans, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
“You know why you can’t go.”
“What, do we not even take his name anymore?” You’re not quite sure why you snapped, but maybe it was because of the fact that she was sheltering you. And you weren’t one to enjoy that.
“He could hurt you.”
“He could hurt Poe,” you point out, unwilling to lose this argument. “He could hurt anyone. I’m not at any more risk than anyone else is.” That’s a lie.
“Have you lost your mind? If you encounter him, you’re at more risk than anyone else in this galaxy is.”
“You mean my loyalty is.” She starts to talk but closes her mouth, realizing you weren’t wrong. “My loyalty is strong with the Resistance. Both you and I know that.”
“The Dark Side is tempting.”
“I’ve been trained.”
“You quit in the middle of your training!” The way she retorts shuts you up for a moment, because she’s not wrong.
“I’m stronger with the Force than him. We both know that,” you counter, tired from lack of sleep and the fact that she’s restricting you from this when it’s quite literally your right. Whatever she said, you were going. That was final.
“He’s had more training than you.”
“That evens it out!” Your breathing is quick from how swiftly you two are throwing remarks back at each other.
“You’re not going.”
“Whatever you say,” you mutter, throwing your hands up in fake defeat. Getting up from the chair, you make it one step away from her desk before she calls out to you.
“I just said you’re not going.” You stop in your tracks, glancing wearily over your shoulder.
“I’m not,” you lie straight through your teeth, shaking your head.
“You lie like your father.” You crack a smile but pull your lower lip in between your teeth, willing it away.
“You know I can’t just let him go alone,” you try to explain, turning around to face her. “Plus, I may lie like my father—which is actually a compliment—but I’m my mother’s daughter.” She smiles at your last sentence, waving you away hurriedly.
“Get out of here.” You grin, grabbing one of the spare datapads on her desk before leaving.
Exiting her office, you turn your attention to the datapad in your hands, typing in BB-8’s callsign and chewing your lip impatiently, already starting to feel the blood coursing through your veins. The ‘pre-mission high’, as most Resistance members had dubbed it. Lots of them hated it. But you?
You lived for it.
“General?” you hear him beep through the datapad.
“No Beebee, it’s me. I need a favor.”
“I’m about to leave for a mission with Poe. He didn’t tell you?”
“No, no, he did,” you cut him off hurriedly, needing to cut to the chase. “Listen. I need the coordinates.”
“Poe told me you’d try this. General Leia strictly instruc—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Forget about that. Transmit his graph coordinates, at least.”
“Well, right now, his graph coordinates are the Resistance base which is located on the planet of D’Qar—”
“Just shut up with your wiseassery and just send me his grid coordinates, will you? We’re really rubbing off on you,” you remark with a groan, even though you’re smiling in real life. Damn, he was becoming a carbon copy of you both. Wouldn’t it just be easier to find the coordinates from Leia’s files? “You and I are most of his impulse control. Do you really want him to be reckless on a mission this dangerous?” You hear silence over the line and silently pray that he’ll give in.
“Jakku. I-Thirteen in the Western Reaches, Inner System. I just sent the exact coordinates to your X-Wing.” A wide grin spreads across your face and you repeat the planet name a couple of times to make sure you’ve got it.
“I’ll see you there, buddy,” you tell him before ending the call.
You land your X-Wing right next to Poe’s, scanning the makeshift camp and deciding to check out the main tent first. Slamming the button to open your cockpit top, you hop out of your ship and land effortlessly on the coarse sand, quickly dusting it off of your pants and heading towards the camp, blaster ready to engage within a second.
Peeking around the corner of the tent and through the torn-up curtains, you breathe a sigh of relief when you see Poe and run in, catching him off guard with first, you being there, and second, a bone-crushing hug.
“You fucking idiot,” you mutter, pulling back and giving him a light slap upside the head while holstering your blaster with the other hand. “Giving me all that last words shit and then telling me not to come with you.”
“Wh—I didn’t give you any last words! How the hell did you even get here?”
“Oh, I don’t have an X-Wing. I used a speeder.” He shakes his head and you wink at Beebee, watching him nod back eagerly. If droids could convey facial expressions, you’re sure he’d be grinning right now.
“Now is not the time for sarcasm. And I’m the idiot? You’re the one who somehow managed to make it here against Leia’s orders!”
“Forget about Leia’s orders,” you mutter, shifting your attention to Poe’s hand. “That’s the map, isn’t it?” The data drive encased in cloth heightens your worry for some reason, but it takes a couple of seconds for you to realize that it’s not the drive worrying you.
It’s him.
He’s here. He’s here, and he knows you are, too.
Fuck.
“We have to go,” you state resolutely, feeling like you’d just been punched in the gut.
“We’re going,” Poe tells you mildly, concerned at your sudden change of emotions.
“No, I mean we need to go. They’re here.”
“Who’s here?” The older man who had presumably given Poe the map asks, gaining both of you two’s attention. Before either of you can answer, the roaring of a transport catches all four of you off guard.
“They’re here.” You run outside with Poe and BB-8 on your heels, only being able to see faint lights. Poe whips out his macrobinoculars, observing the lights for a second before grabbing your hand and making a run for it, catching you completely off guard. “We gotta go!”
“Wow, I definitely didn’t understand that from the sound of the fucking transports!” you scream back, matching his pace and ridding your hand of his when you both break away to get to your respective X-Wings. Before you can even reach yours, a blast catches the center cockpit, making the entire thing burst into flames before your very eyes.
“Fuck. Fuck!” you scream, turning back around and sprinting for Poe’s, but the Maker nor the Force must be on you three’s side tonight, because a blast hits his left engine perfectly. You don’t know what to do now, trying to bury your panic under the fact that you needed to get the three of you out of here or else the galaxy would have no hope.
The connection has gotten stronger; so strong, in fact, that you can feel his emotions. Anger. Anger clouded his mind and when it got to you, it turned to unruliness in the heat of the moment.
Running scenario after scenario through your mind, you can’t find a single one that allows you three to escape safely with the map in the Resistance’s hold. The only thing you can think of is sending BB-8 off with the drive.
While you two get taken as war prisoners.
“What the hell are we going to do now?” Poe yells at you, practically tripping over his own feet because of how fast he’s running towards you, trying to get away from the flames that now coat Black One. Adrenaline is rushing through your bloodstream and you use it to your advantage, knowing exactly how to manipulate your emotions in such a high-risk scenario because this is the millionth time you’ve been in one. You note the blaster sniper rifle at his side, knowing you two would have to fight as hard as you could even though it would do no good in the end.
“Give me the map!” He throws it to you and you catch it dexterously, dropping to your knees next to BB-8 and motioning for him to open a compartment. He rolls back, a bit surprised at what you’re doing. “You take this! You take this and you get as far away from here as you can! Do you hear me?”
“What about you guys?” he chimes, watching you place the drive in the compartment he’s ejected.
“We’ll come back for you! Go!” Poe yells from beside you. You give BB-8 a reassuring little scuff, smiling sadly.
“So much for impulse control,” he beeps, rolling off as fast as he can. You snicker a little bit, getting back up and biting your tongue when the gravity of the situation hits you yet again.
There was no way you two were making it out now.
“What the hell does he mean by imp—” A blast whizzing right in between you both causes you both to duck to the ground.
“That doesn’t matter right now! Let’s take these troopers out!” He nods in agreement and you both crawl up just behind a sand dune. You grab your blaster from your holster and prop your arms up, beginning to aim for stormtroopers and shoot them. Poe does the same thing with his blaster sniper, obviously having more luck than you.
A black suit catches your eye and you’re pretty sure you’re imagining things until the figure turns around and you see the helmet.
It’s him.
You’re so shocked the grip on your blaster loosens and your jaw drops just at the sheer sight of him, even though he’s masked. You can feel him sense your surprise and he starts scanning the area because he knows you’ve seen him.
You never did learn how to control your emotions through the Force.
“What is it?” You don’t answer Poe’s question, too deep in shock to even register it. It’s been years. “Listen to me. What is it?” He shakes your shoulders with one hand, pulling you out of your momentary trance. His eyes dart all over your face as he tries to read your expression, tries to figure out what you’re thinking.
“It’s him,” you whisper, pointing to the figure who was now circling the man who had given Poe the map. You two are too far away to hear what they’re saying, but in an instant, the older man is struck down by the raw lightning of the Dark Jedi’s lightsaber.
All you do is flinch, knowing he can do a lot worse than that. Poe jumps up and over the dune with his sniper, bewildering you for a second before you’re right on his heels and yelling at him not to shoot.
But you’re too late.
Kylo whips around with an outstretched hand, stopping the blast mid-air and immobilizing both you and Poe. Four stormtroopers run towards the both of you, breaking off into groups of two and kicking out your legs from underneath you, Poe’s two guards doing the same with him. They cuff you and presumably do the same with Poe, and even though you know it’s impossible to shake out of First Order Cuffs, you still sure as hell try.
You both are led to Kylo and forced to your knees in front of him, only making your anger and fear increase and mix together to make a lethal poison, ready for you to unleash on anyone.
He removes the Force Hold and finally allows you both to breathe correctly, earning heaves of effort from both you and Poe. You don’t even give him the satisfaction of a look from you and Poe does the same, eyes fixated on the sand. Kylo crouches down in front of Poe, and you can see Poe glare up at Kylo out of the corner of your eye.
“So… who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?” You would’ve laughed had it not been for the shock of the situation, knowing you both are either going to die or be taken aboard the dreadnought in the outer atmosphere. Most likely the latter.
“The old man gave it to you,” Kylo speaks from his helmet, voice sounding almost mechanical.
“It’s just very hard to understand you with all the—”
“Search him.”
“—apparatus.” He groans as the stormtroopers pull him up rather roughly, and you hold back a wince. They begin to pat him down but obviously find nothing.
“Nothing, sir.”
“Put him on board. Keep her here,” Kylo instructs, immediately alarming Poe.
“No. No. Not without her.” The stormtroopers give no heed to his demands, forcing him to the transport. “What are you going to do with her?! Let her go!” he yells back, trying so hard to break from their hold that you’re scared he’s going to dislocate a shoulder. His yells fade as they take him into the transport, leaving just you and Kylo. You’re still on the ground, but you decide to look up at him and give him a glare of defiance just for the sake of making sure he knows you’re not going to break.
He crouches down once more, his head becoming level with yours. There’s silence for a few moments, like he’s making sure it’s really you. As if the biological connection through the Force isn’t enough.
“It’s been a while. How’s mom?”
Masterlist
All taglists are open! Send me an ask or a message :)
Permanent: @becausewhyknotme, @criminal-cookies, @theladyoffangorn, @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad, @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam, @fantasticcopeaglepasta, @talk-geek-to-me, @letsmellowjello, @thescarletknight2014, @wemisshim3000, @arabellathorne, @brooklynsmorales, @marvel-dameron
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Poe Dameron: @yougottakeeponkeepinon, @seekerofmagnificentmysteries, @poe-damnnn-eron, @lapilark, @peterhollandkait, @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol, @ghoullflower, @twomoonstwosuns, @writefightandflightclub, @lady-sloan, @poes-stardust, @legamelo, @xremember-me-notx, @softly-sad, @imtheoutgoingsidekick-baby, @yourbucky084, @fanfiction-trashpile-replies
“The Force Awakens” Taglist: @pizzahutmonkeybutt, @nerd-without-a-cause, @princekooks, @itspdameronthings, @um-chile-anyways, @lil-lex1
#poe dameron x reader#poe dameron x you#poe dameron x y/n#poe dameron fic#poe dameron imagine#star wars fic#star wars imagine#my writing#100
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