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marble-anime · 1 year

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Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene

Pairing: Alucard x Reader

Summary: Deciding to leave behind your life as a human, you allow your vampire lover to turn you in the most exquisite way possible.

Disclaimer: Minors DNI

Warnings: biting, blood drinking, smut, unprotected sex, creampie

Word Count: 2k

Having lived through multiple centuries, Alucard had seen many changes in society. One of them being the shift in the way women and what they did with their bodies were perceived. Even after breaking free of the shackles men had on them, gaining their own rights, and moving up in the world, they were still burdened by impractical expectations. In this day and age, a woman was degraded for sleeping around but if they were a virgin they were considered a prude.

When he met you he tried to keep himself from getting too close. But there was something about you that he just couldn’t shake. You were kind-hearted and tender. You were always the first person at his side after he returned from a job. Looking after any wounds he might have with a feathery touch. Expression filled with worry, unafraid to show how much you cared for the vampire despite his quick regeneration.

At the same time, you were also calm and laid back. Giving him space when he needed it, and not taking offense to his crude sentences. Your presence wasn’t overwhelming but gave him a sense of security. To him, you were a breath of fresh air.

He felt an intense urge to protect you. Most women nowadays lost their virginities before they turned 20. He figured you were the same. He couldn’t bear the thought of a vampire getting their hands on you and turning you into a mindless ghoul. He’d discussed it with Integra once, disguising his concern for you as a strategy in Hellsing's favor. With your intelligence, you’d be better suited to help come up with battle plans than aid Seras and himself in wiping out monsters.

But, having known him since she was a child, she saw right through him. Waving off his words and explaining that her decision to put you in the field was utilizing you to the best of your abilities. Adding that if you had been attacked you wouldn’t become a ghoul.

He was pleasantly surprised by her subtle hint at your virginity. Ignoring the joy he felt deep within himself at the possibility of you one day becoming immortal and spending your undying life with him. With his newfound discovery, he allowed himself to fall out of his comfort zone and into love with you.

Throughout your relationship, he anxiously awaited the talk you’d have to have regarding your life. He chose not to read your mind, whether he was trying to respect you or prolong the conversation he didn’t know. Enthralled with the idea of you choosing him over your humanity, yet dreading the prospect of you not wanting to become a monster like him.

Even without reading your mind, he’d known your answer before you did. The day you confessed that you were a virgin, unaware that Integra already told him. Avoiding his piercing stare with pink cheeks, foolishly worried that it would change the way he viewed you. He’d grasp your chin with a softness that was foreign to him and bring your gaze to meet his. Reassuring you that your inexperience was far from an issue. In fact, it saved you both the pain of having to lose each other. Telling you that you were meant for him and everything that happened up until that point was to bring you two together. His precious human.

He practically felt the love radiating from you as you stared up at him, eyes filled with mirth. He knew your decision. You were gonna stay with him forever. Perhaps his words influenced you. Or maybe you had the idea in your pretty head all along. Either way, it didn’t matter, now all he had to do was give you time to prepare for your new life as a fledgling. A few months later you told him that you were ready. Ready to abandon this lifetime to spend many more with the man you loved.

Tucked away in his coffin, there was little to no space between the two of you. Bare bodies pressed against each other, his arms looped around you like a cage. Your hand tugged at his raven locks as his long tongue teased your own. Your plush breast cushioned his own chest as his tall frame towered over you. Leaving a trail of kisses across your cheek, making his way down to your neck. Your breath hitched at the feel of his teeth grazing your flesh. His deep raspy voice distracts you from the sound of your rapid heartbeat thumping in your ears, “Are you sure?”

Sucking in a few deep breaths, you gave yourself a moment to think about it. After all, if you really went through with this your whole life would be flipped upside down. You’d have to adjust to being a vampire, get used to drinking human blood, and most importantly you’d live forever. You wouldn’t be able to settle down with someone, have kids, and grow old with them.

But what was the point of having all that if you couldn’t have it with Alucard? You knew you’d never love anyone as much as you loved him. Even more so, now that you had experienced life with him, you couldn’t imagine living out the rest of your life without him. You nodded, choosing him above everything, “Yeah.”

With your confirmation, he sunk his teeth into you. “Ah.” Your face scrunched up in pain as his fangs pierced your jugular. He hummed in delight, cock throbbing at your taste. While he continued to drink up the blood gushing from your neck, your body tensed. A fire ignited within you, heat running through your veins. Your heart rate accelerated, mind becoming fuzzy. You wondered if this was the transformation starting to take over you or just your body reacting to the pain.

An ache growing in the pit of your stomach, you reached between your bodies to grasp his lengthy cock that was prodding your thigh. You coated his tip with your arousal before lining him up with your entrance. Truthfully, you weren’t sure how this worked or how long you had to wait for your transformation. For all you know, you could be moving far too fast, tiptoeing the line between vampire and ghoul. But that was the farthest thing from your mind. You craved for him to become one with you. Sensing your urgency, Alucard pulled back. Licking away the remaining blood. “Don’t be so hasty. Such things require delicacy.”

His low voice sent shivers down your spine. You wrapped your legs around his waist while he slowly pushed his girth inside you. Filling you up as he buried himself to the hilt. His intrusion left a gnawing pain in your lower half. Your muscles tightened around him causing pressure in your gut. You gripped his shoulder blades at the unfamiliar feeling. He stretched you open with shallow thrusts. Pain slowly melting into pleasure, you arched into him. “More.”

He followed your command to the best of his ability. Picking up the pace but barely using an ounce of his strength, careful not to hurt you. Though the exquisite, long-awaited, feel of your velvety walls around him enticed him to push the boundaries, just a little. Alas, he held himself back. He knew he had to be gentle. Not only were you a virgin but your body was beginning to change in ways you couldn’t quite describe. You felt so full yet so empty. Alive yet lifeless. You were overwhelmed with emotions but you felt so detached.

“Alu,” you moaned, knees banging on the sides of the coffin to the rhythm of Alucard’s hips. Digging your nails into him, you scratched down his back drawing a groan out of him. Gasping for breath as the inside of the coffin heated up from your rigorous movement. You rolled your head to the side to look at your lover whose face was nuzzled into your shoulder. His neck stretched, exposing a thick juicy looking vein. You focused in on the vessel, the world around you becoming still and quiet.

Unable to control yourself, you leaned in. Biting down as hard as you could, determined to break the barrier between you and what you craved. You felt his shoulders tense, hips stuttering, no doubt surprised by your sudden action. Finally breaking through his skin, his blood flooding into your mouth.

Initially, when deciding whether or not to become a vampire, you’d always worried about having to drink blood. Not sure if you would be able to stomach the metallic taste to live off of it forever. However, slurping down Alucard’s blood, the experience was far more pleasant than you had expected. He tasted like rich wine. A perfect balance between bitter and sweet.

You felt as though you’d been jump-started back to life. Your previous confusion to the new sensations flowing through you evaporated. Living in a cruel world where everyone seemed to get the opposite of what they deserved. Divided by constant change and indecision. Suddenly the only thing that made sense to you was Alucard and the way he was fucking you. You began to rock your hips against him. The basement filled with his husky laugh. “My, my. Taking what you want with no regard for anything else,” he teased, “Has my selfishness rubbed off on you, dear?”

“Maybe,” you pulled away from his neck to tease him back. Blood dripping from the corner of your mouth which he generously lapped up for you. His veins left tingling at the idea of his blood circulating through you. Reminding him what drew him to you in the first place. You were the only one who could make him feel like this. He bit into you once again, except this time it didn’t hurt. All you felt was pure bliss. The corners of your mouth stretched into a wide smile, suffocating in the scent of sex.

A mix of moans and whimpers left your mouth. Squirming in Alucard’s arms as his cock reached deep inside you, hitting all the right places. The lack of oxygen, loss of blood, and the sweet pleasure you were feeling, all of it caused stars to cloud your vision. Your hands cascaded through his hair, softly urging him off of you with the request, “Wanna kiss you.”

Lifting his head to look at you, you finally saw his face. Mouth covered in your blood, eyes filled with fondness. A gentle expression framed by his long jet-black hair. He nudged his nose against yours before connecting your lips. The kiss was bloody and raw. Tasting each other's fluids mixing in your mouths. Your faces were covered in blood and saliva.

You tightened your hold on him. Your sounds were drowned out by his lips as you felt yourself coming undone. Shuddering as you felt his warm seed spill inside you. He slowed his thrusts, letting you both ride out your highs before his body went limp on top of you.

You softly massaged his scalp as he rested his head on your chest. As your hazy mind was starting to clear, you felt a laugh bubbling up in your chest. Suddenly overcome with joy, your efforts to bite it back were futile. The bursts of laughter erupting from your throat caught your love's attention. He looked up at you and tilted his head, clearly amused by your actions. “What’s so funny, my darling?”

You shrugged, trying to calm yourself down as you answered, “I’m just happy.”

Though he found your words to be heartwarming, he couldn’t help but wonder if you’d come to regret your decision. “You realize that this isn’t something you can take back, right?”

“Shouldn’t you have said that before you bit me?” You were only joking. As he turned his head to avoid your gaze, you knew the reason. For your envious, caring, lover hidden under the disguise of a cruel and selfish beast, it was easier to comfort you after the fact than to live out the rest of his life in grief after you would’ve inevitably passed on. You gently trailed your fingertips up and down his back, lulling the both of you to sleep while you reassured him, “Don’t worry. I’m more than content with my choice.”

#alucard x reader #hellsing x reader #alucard smut #hellsing smut #hellsing alucard x reader #hellsing alucard smut

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shakesqueers13 · 8 months

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So let’s talk about (homo)sexuality during Shakespeare’s time and in his plays… (with a Shakespearean student, me!)

This is a divisive topic and some scholars have very Bad Takes on it, in my (also a scholar) opinion, so let's talk about it both from an evidence-based perspective, and a queer perspective.

The most important thing to note is that we cannot actually know what Shakespeare or any other Elizabethan citizen really thought about homosexuality and queer love. A lot of scholars acknowledge that fact and then make statements like ‘but they just didn’t think of sexuality like that!!’ but our not-knowing goes both ways. As a gay person, I find the assertion that people during this time period just didn’t feel homosexual love super offensive and ignorant, but at the same time, I know what they mean. So with that in mind, let’s talk about the facts…

Homosexuality was a well known of and partially accepted practice during this time. When I say partially accepted, I mean it was about as acceptable as it would be today at a Christian school in the heart of Texas. People knew about it, they knew people participated in it, but they didn’t like it and believed it went against God. But they felt that way about a lot of things! So when they passed The Buggery Act of 1533 (around 30 years before Shakespeare was born) it wasn’t really enforced. This act prohibited anal sex among any gender, or sex with animals. This law did not refer to gay people; rather just any sex not for the purpose of procreation, or anything that was not consensual.

Now a lot of homosexual practice at this point was unfortunately based on misogyny. Men in society were viewed as dominant and interesting while women were viewed as submissive and annoying. This is an unfortunate fact, but in order to discuss Elizabethan homosexuality in any capacity, we have to accept it for what it is; a reality. Because men generally didn't like women, they often sought out the company of other men in a well-accepted practice simply referred to as Male Friendship.

In male friendships, men would basically hang out together, kiss, cuddle, sleep in bed together, and profess their love for one another. If they had sex with each other, it would be viewed as immoral and wrong, but not unusual or even really cause for alarm. As I said above, sodomy laws were not really enforced during this time. There was no Elizabethan word for being gay or homosexual, and it was not publicly considered an identity or something you could be, rather just something you did. Regardless, even if men participated in these relationships, they still would've been expected to get married to a woman. Since marriage between men wasn't legal, people in society generally didn't consider the fact that two men could love one another. (Lesbian love or sex between women would've been so unthinkable at this point, there really isn't any information on it at all, unfortunately). However, with this, remember that we cannot know what individuals thought about these topics. It's totally possible that men might've fallen in love and wished to be marry, or even have considered themselves to be married. We just don't have that information because it would've been a secret.

So, there are certain contexts when erotic relationships between men would've been acknowledged and even accepted in certain circles, including theatrical ones! So these are the ones we see in Shakespeare's plays. One such context is in a youthful sense; young men were seen as full of life and passion - it's totally possible that they would've fooled around with their other male friends, and it would've been frowned upon, but assumed that they would grow out of it. Another context is in the derogatory sense; it's possible that once men were grown, their youthful same-sex exploits would be used to tease them. And finally, it would've been used in a predatory or immoral way, to represent corruption. This one requires more explaining. It's very important to remember that Shakespeare's plays had to go through the church and church censors. King Lear was censored during King George's reign, for example, and it did happen semi-frequently. So he could not portray explicit queer love on the stage in a positive light. What he could do is portray it in a negative light, which he sometimes did.

Was Shakespeare homophobic? Well, homophobia didn't exist during his time. Everyone was homophobic. Everyone was distasteful of gay people, even other gay people. It's not the best metaphor, but think about it like this; if you smoke cigarettes in today's day and age, you aren't going to go around telling everyone how much you love cigarettes and how great they are, or trying to convince others to try them. You're going to be probably a bit embarrassed and self-deprecating; you know it's wrong and bad for you, but you do it anyway because it feels good. Get it?

Was Shakespeare gay? He was definitely queer. The sonnets he wrote to men prove that, as well as the characters in his plays. But this isn't a biographical post, so let's talk about some literature.

Let's apply what we've learned so far to Shakespeare!

I'll provide an example for each of the above cases in Shakespeare's works.

First, let's talk about youthful 'male friendship' and homoeroticism in Hamlet, cause I know it's everybody's favorite on here.

Hamlet and Horatio's relationship has been speculated on sooo much, I feel like a bit of an exhibitionist once again holding up a microscope to it, but oh well.

Hamlet is a young, troubled protagonist who definitely commits worse crimes that sodomy over the course of five acts. Hamlet is often portrayed on stage as being in his late 20's or 30's, but we can't forget that in the text, him and Horatio are students, they're young! Teenagers or early 20's. The two of them are certainly close (closer than Hamlet is to any other character), and their relationship is reminiscent of the type of male friendship I was describing above.

In their first meeting onstage, Hamlet greets Horatio first, despite multiple people coming on stage at once. Let's break these first five lines down a little bit:

"HAMLET I am glad to see you well.

Horatio—or I do forget myself!

HORATIO The same, my lord, and your poor servant ever.

HAMLET Sir, my good friend. I’ll change that name with you. 170

And what make you from Wittenberg, Horatio?—"

(Hamlet, I.ii.165-170)

So, first off, Hamlet is glad to see Horatio, who he singles out from the group. He'll greet the others later, but first, he greets his good friend. Now, when Hamlet says, "or do I forget myself?" on a surface level, he's making sure he has Horatio's name right. Honestly, this is probably Shakespeare's way of introducing Horatio to the audience. A character needs a name - Horatio is introduced with the reference of his. But Hamlet's meaning has some wiggle room for interpretation - he doesn't say something to the effect of 'your name is Horatio right?" or even just, "or do I forget YOU." He says, "Do I forget myself."

(by the way, in Shakespeare studies, we never blame anything on the meter, meaning it isn't acceptable in a scholarly context to say "oh shakespeare just wrote it that way because 'my*self' is two syllables - Shakespeare is a better poet than that, absolutely nothing is without deeper meaning than just fitting the meter. This is proved by the amount of times that Shax breaks the meter to get a point across - he valued poetry above syllable count).

But I digress. Hamlet saying ' do I forget myself" carries a tremendous amount of weight. He's not being sincere in asking if he has Horatio's name right, he knows Horatio because Horatio is part of him. Just as he would not forget himself, he has not forgotten Horatio.

Now, to look at the next few lines, remember that Hamlet is a prince and Horatio is just Some Guy. During this time period, this would have been significant. Hamlet is choosing to be around Horatio - they aren't of the same class or wealth. So when Horatio refers to himself as Hamlet's "Poor servant ever," he's self-deprecating a little bit, but also addressing the elephant in the theater. Audiences at this time would question why Hamlet was hanging out with this random poor guy. Shakespeare explains with the next line.

"Sir, my good friend, I'll change that name with you." Okay. There's a lot to unpack here. "My good friend," is quite a statement to make. Friend didn't have quite the same implication back then that it does now - back then it would've meant more of 'a person who I am in proximity to and spend time with' than 'my buddy.' It didn't necessarily mean that people enjoyed each other's company. But Hamlet adds in the 'good,' which adds quite a bit of weight. He's using 'good' as a descriptor of Horatio's character here, not a description of the strength of their friendship. If anyone watches WWDITS, think of Lazlo saying, "My good lady wife, Nadja." Hamlet is saying he admires Horatio. He thinks Horatio is of good character, and therefore likes to spend time with him. AND THEN, Shakespeare just kicking me down the stairs and laughing as I fall, he hits us with the, "I'll change that name with you."

The name in question is "your poor servant ever," which means that Hamlet is basically saying, "I like you so much, you can be the prince and I'll be your servant." Which is a crazy thing for a prince to say! And there's really no reason for him to say it, unless him and Horatio were so intimately close that Hamlet truly meant it, which of course, he does.

So, if we're talking about male friendships that exceeds the typical bonds of normal acquaintance... I mean... need I explain further?

I will explain further.

Throughout the play, we see Ophelia as an acceptable love-interest for Hamlet. Even though they don't do very much romancing at all, but... that's okay. She's there, she 'proves' Hamlet's status as a heterosexual man, (and of course, she does much more than that. But for the sake of this analysis, we won't explore her character beyond this.) Despite Hamlet's affection for her, the person he confides to in the play is Horatio. This is unfortunately due to misogyny - women just really would not have been thought of as confidants and people who were able to give advice. But this doesn't invalidate the fact that Hamlet's usage of Horatio as a friend who is distinct from other friends, and who provides council like a partner would, does strongly imply a degree of homosexuality between them.

And of course, there's the blatant homosexuality in Hamlet's death scene, but we don't have time to unpack all of that! (It's been done many, many times, and I'm just providing an overview here.)

Now let's talk about the more derogatory usage of homosexuality using my favorite comedy, 'Much Ado about Nothing.'

In the first scene of the play, Beatrice discusses Benedict, who is coming home from war.

When she first mentions him, she says, "I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the wars or no?" (I.i.30).

'Mountanto' is a fencing term literally meaning an 'upward thrust,' your scholarly annotations won't tell you this, but really what she's doing is referencing the amount of sex Benedict had out on the road during the war. What kind of sex? Gay sex. Let me say more.

Later in the scene we get this gem of an exchange:

"MESSENGER And a good soldier too, lady.

BEATRICE And a good soldier to a lady, but what is he to a lord?

MESSENGER A lord to a lord, a man to a man, stuffed with all honorable virtues.

BEATRICE It is so indeed. He is no less than a stuffed man, but for the stuffing—well, we are all mortal."

(Much Ado About Nothing, I.i.52-58)

Beatrice is making fun of Benedict; she doesn't like him, she's teasing him. First, she outwardly questions his relationships with men, acknowledging that he sleeps with a lot of women, but also suggesting that he sleeps with men. The messenger doesn't rise to her bait, he affirms Benedict's "honorable virtues" meaning that doesn't believe Benedict would've slept with men - he's too good. However, Beatrice plays off of his use of "stuffed" and elaborates that not only does Benedict have gay sex, but that's he's the one being penetrated during the gay sex, which would've been emasculating as men were assumed to be dominant. A stuffed man means she thinks he's a bottom. The layers of this gay sex joke have added years to my life. Absolutely hilarious.

Additionally, throughout the play, Benedict frequently mentions that he has no desire to marry a woman because he has no need. This is probably because he's content to fuck around with men for a while, and doesn't feel the need to marry a woman for sex. — He later marries a woman for love. Different story ;)

Finally, let's discuss the use of homosexuality as a form of corruption using my FAVORITE queer coded characters ever, Brutus and Cassius of Julius Caesar!

I just wrote an entire paper for school on how badly Brutus and Cassius want each other, so I have A Lot to say, but I'll restrain myself... deep breath...

The first conversation Brutus and Cassius have on stage is a seduction, literally. Cassius is seducing Brutus and pulling him away from Caesar, with compliments and promises. Brutus promises to consider Cassius's offer and walks away, but the next time we see them, things have Changed. Brutus says the following after him and Cassius talk to a third party (Casca):

"BRUTUS Tomorrow, if you please to speak with me, I will come home to you; or, if you will, Come home to me, and I will wait for you."

(Julius Caesar, I.ii.316-319).

I mean, what can I say about this beyond the obvious. They're going home to each other. Brutus's corruption directly corresponds with his physical descent into moral depravity (homosexuality).

And then, once Brutus leaves the sage, Cassius says this:

(Cassius, continued): For who so firm that cannot be seduced? Caesar doth bear me hard, but he loves Brutus. If I were Brutus now, and he were Cassius, He should not humor me."

(Julius Caesar, I.ii.324-327).

Cassius is a manipulator, we know that. He draws the "honorable" Brutus to betray his friend and commit an act of evil. All with the power of homosexuality :).

Once he succeeds in this, we get the infamous Tent Scene. Act 4, scene 3. Folks, I think about this scene every day. If you've read the book 'If We Were Villains,' that author does a fun job of explaining this scene, I like the way she calls it a lovers spat.

Brutus realizes that Cassius seduced him for the purpose of corrupting him, and is heart broken. Somebody PLEASE ask me to do a line-by-line breakdown of this scene, because nothing would make me happier. But for now, like I said, I'll restrain myself.

As Brutus and Cassius, fight, we get this exchange:

"BRUTUS Peace, peace! You durst not so have tempted (Caesar). CASSIUS I durst not? BRUTUS No. CASSIUS What? Durst not tempt him? BRUTUS For your life you durst not. CASSIUS Do not presume too much upon my love. I may do that I shall be sorry for."

(Julius Caesar, IV.iii.66-73)

Brutus is betrayed, and feels that Cassius never would've (sexually) tempted Caesar the way he did to Brutus. Brutus feels like he got played. But Cassius, while threatening Brutus, takes time to reaffirm that he loves Brutus! His feelings are real; this is part of what unfortunately categorizes him as a villain. He is unflinchingly gay for Brutus.

Later in this same scene, we get another notable exchange:

"CASSIUS I denied you not. BRUTUS You did. CASSIUS I did not. He was but a fool that brought My answer back. Brutus hath rived my heart. A friend should bear his friend’s infirmities, But Brutus makes mine greater than they are. BRUTUS I do not, till you practice them on me. CASSIUS You love me not. BRUTUS I do not like your faults."

(Julius Caesar, IV.iii.90-100)

Sigh. Okay, this is... this is maybe Shakespeare's most romantically gay scene ever. And this is what makes gay corruption in Shakespeare so awesome; under the guise of painting Cassius as more and more evil, Shakespeare can be pretty explicitly gay!!

"Rived" means broken in old English. With his withdrawal of love, Brutus as broken Cassius's heart. Again, as I said above, 'friend' meant something different back then. Here, Cassius is using it in the Male Friendship sense, much like Hamlet did. This section is just so romantic, it breaks my heart. The fact that just like Cassius did, Brutus takes time to remind Cassius that he still loves him (even though he dislikes Cassius's faults) is so sweet. I love this passage. I could talk abut it forever.

So there we go! Some background and some examples for you!!

Please comment with your thoughts, I would love to discuss.

Works consulted:

Primarily just years of studying Shakespeare, but more specifically:

Homosexual desire in Shakespeare's England : a cultural poetics : Smith, Bruce R., 1946- : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Much Ado About Nothing - Entire Play | Folger Shakespeare Library

https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/julius-caesar/read/

https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/hamlet/read/

#shakespeare #william shakespeare #hamlet #hamlet and horatio #julius caesar #dark academia #hamlet x horatio #if we were villains #gay pride!!!#academia #literature #gay literature #queer community #shakespeare shitposting #shakespeare plays #shakespeare quotes

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runawaysiren940 · 13 days

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The Day The Men Died

(A response to the many, many works which explore a gender suicide, and yet fail to represent the positive aspects of this change.)

Evenlyn Wise often felt that she did not live up to her name. Her husband frequently agreed, pointing out with lecherous joy whenever she did something worth criticizing. Sometimes, she felt that he was right, that she was wrong, but that her lack of knowledge wasn’t her fault. It filled her with a contradictory, aimless sort of anger, like a clogged drain with nowhere for the runoff to go. How was she to know that tires could be repaired if the nail was in the right spot? It wasn’t as if anyone had told her. The world was full of secret knowledge like this, which seemed to have never been researched, or asked about, but rather slipped into the minds of men, and of women smarter than her. There was secret knowledge that also operated the other way, such as that sheets and pillowcases needed to be changed weekly, or that toenails grown too long could shear them as surely as scissors; but it always seemed that that sort of knowledge was different, only important to that of the female divide.

Other times, it seemed as if his criticism was meant to drive right into the heart of her like a stake, said only for the sake of punishment. Of course Jonathan’s fever was only from a common cold. Wouldn’t any good mother know that? A smart mother would have plied it down digit by digit by way of tylenol, that negotiator of all childhood ills. And who wouldn’t know to remind him not to bring the loaf with nuts to his sister’s house? How should he be expected to remember that she was allergic? Only someone who was petty enough to gamble with her sister-in-law’s life would neglect to issue that regular warning. Those would be the words to start up another fight, which the battlefield of marriage seemed to never be able to put to rest. Inevitably, the spats would be brought up to a third party, though never an impartial one. Her husband preferred his mother's judgment, or in severe cases, Evelyn's mom, who would almost always rule in his favor. Such was the way of the wife. If she wasn't making her husband happy and bearing a grin of her own to boot, obviously she was the one at fault. Nevermind that whatever wife he was dreaming of had never been one she was willing, or able to provide. Still, whatever fantasies her husband had about a grinning Stepford, her own were far more morose.

Evenlyn found herself fantasizing about what it would be like if one of them disappeared. She didn’t mean death; being a widow didn’t sound very appealing, with all of the required grieving and pitying. But rather- she dreamt about her husband just one day leaving for work, and not coming home that evening. She would get home first, having a far shorter workday to compensate for having to pick up their son from school, and imagined herself slaving over a complicated dish all day. One of those delicious ones that she’d go nose blind too far before it was ready, unable to enjoy it the same way those interlopers into her kitchen did, having avoided the brunt of the olfactory offense until she called for Jonathan to set the table. Lasagne from scratch, or perhaps homemade ravioli- she’d set the table just like a picture from a Southern Home magazine, waiting, idling as the food cooled and Jon started to grumble; it would be for his sake that she would serve the first portions, gently, perfectly plated, and thinly portioned. The second portion would be out of worry, and then the third, because her worry had finally split open her stomach, making room for hunger, and then- A single solitary slice, plastic wrapped and placed in the fridge. That slice would grow cold, tough and congealed, each day bringing it closer to the trash, until finally, she could admit to herself that the left side of her bed was going to remain cold and empty. It would be perfect. No blame, a manageable amount of pity bestowed upon her, preferably in the form of free childcare and casseroles, and no issues in the transferring of the house or car or assets. She would have her grief, but a private, solitary thing, and a house that was quiet and clean.

It was far more rare that she would fantasize about leaving herself, taking nothing but a duffel bag and the keys to her car to start over somewhere distant and anew, and leaving her husband to the daycares and fevers, packed lunches and runny noses.

To find her husband dead beside her on an early Tuesday morning had not factored into these daydreams, but as Evelyn carefully pressed a finger into the stiff side of his once growing gut, she supposed she could make this work too. There was a sort of numbness that fell over her like a curtain across a stage play as she stared at him. There was drool along the side of his mouth, the left side of his auburn hair pressed flat to his scalp from where he'd slept on it. His face, one she had grown used to, like one would a morning sunrise seen on the daily commute, was frozen in a placid expression of discomfort, as if he'd been suffering from heartburn not bad enough to wake from. She took all of this in like one would a mess in need of tackling. It must have been a heart attack, or an aneurysm then. Nothing that could incorrectly be attributed to herself.

Evelyn should call the police, she noted, but should she muster up some tears first? Panic? Or would the eerie calmness be caught by the phone operator, and understood to be a sort of autopilot she had little control over?

She should call. Evelyn knows from her murder stories that calling immediately is important. Her hand is on the phone, suddenly, pulling it free from the charger like a fruit from a vine. There are messages from her mother, sister, friends whose names all blurred together. She doesn't even bother to unlock it, instead pressing the emergency call button. The phone dials once, and then a pause.

"My husband, he-" Evelyn stops. Her voice is oddly flat, but beyond that, another voice is speaking, half covered up by her own words.

"-unfortunately unable to answer your call at this time due to an unexpected influx of calls. Please remain on the line to be connected to the next available operator."

In the other room, the stillness of the house is interrupted by a resounding wail. Not a cry. No, she's too familiar with the sound of morning hunger, an aborted nightmare, the slight panic of an empty room. The sound is wrong, and fills her heart with panic that has her falling out of the bed. Feet tripping over the clothes her husband had left on the floor the night before, her neck lands hard on the edge of the half full laundry basket, cutting her air off like a hand around her throat. Still, even with the burn, she's back to her feet, reaching for the door. The hall is small, always seeming even smaller with the toys cluttering the floors, but it seems like a gulf now, one she struggles to cross.

The house is quiet again. Her hand on the doorknob, turning, and-

There's her boy, her baby. With the same bronze hair, and watercolor eyes she'd fallen in love with on his father, that sharp nose Iike her own, tangled in off brand train themed sheets, gasping, mouth wide like a fish out of water. She lunges for him, knocking her shin against the bed frame as she cradles him in her arms. He's cold. Not shivering like she needs to tuck him in, like a fever needs sweating- but like an engine gone cold. She imagines she can feel his heart chugging along the final mile, each foot passed leading to the inevitable shutdown.

"Jon, it's okay baby, mommy's here, I-" She chokes as his hand twitches, as if too weak to reach for her. She grabs it, curling his stiff fingers around her own. "Mommy loves you. Mommy's right here, she'll fix this."

But even as she asserts it, she knows she's lying. His body feels heavy. Leaden, like a porcelain doll that'll shatter if she drops it. She holds onto him, gathering him into her arms as she returns to the bedroom, more carefully this time. The phone is still on, blinking under the thin linen sheets. The sheets her husband rests cold and still on.

Her eyes keep flickering to him as she picks it up, switching the call to speakerphone. The line is silent except for the occasional chirp, as if to remind her that there is someone out there waiting for her, if she keeps waiting in turn. Her child and her husband, all in one morning- it seems like an unfathomable tragedy, the sort that only happens to other people.

She aches for her mother. It's a feeling she recognizes immediately, if only because she knows that the mother she wants is not the one she has; if Evelyn calls, she won't receive the comfort she wants, the direction she needs. Still, with shaking hands, she searches out her contact, only to pause as she realizes how many messages she's received. All capitals, ten texts from her coworker Anna, four nonsensical cries for help from her eight year old niece, and more, from women she hardly talks to, hardly knows. All repeating the same thing. The men are all dead.

#radfem #radblr #radical feminism #runawaysiren #youtube #Fiction #response to manhunt by gretchen transwoman

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wordslikesilver · 3 months

Text

Seeing the discourse lately on transmisogyny and coming across new terms like tme and tma being used more than I think I’ve ever seen before because of everything going on had me uneasy, not gonna lie, I always do when I find new terminology from the alphabet mafia because I’m thinking to myself oh boy, more stuff to explain to cis people. Looked into it, it all seems pretty reasonable to me tho for including nonbinary femmes and femme intersex people I’ve sorta just always by default assumed “Trans Femme” was really good given the whole “it’s a spectrum and transmisogyny by definition is talking about the people on the femme side of it who didn’t start there” so admittedly I’ll probably be a grump about changing my vocab soon.

But then I see some new shit in the wake of all this TERF nonsense and bigotry being used against trans women? Detransitioned cis women calling themselves trans women and saying WE don’t understand the concept of gender well? The audacity? Look, changing the labels of a community to be less offensive is something I support so loudly and love and adore. This isn’t that. This is people encroaching on our pride and our identities and pretending the flag we nobly fly, the icon of bravery and unifying love in the face of oppression that it is, isn’t clearly “ours” enough. That it’s something they’re allowed to say belongs to them too so we need to come up with something new to call ourselves when we discuss the pain we face in our lives. Erasing and rewording the definitions of who we are til our identity is gone altogether. Moving the goal posts and telling us to teach everyone a whole new set of labels when the average layman still doesn’t even know that “Cis” isn’t a fucking slur, let alone what it means. Never forget that at your core when you fight against this new bigotry and they try to dance circles around you with their words and misdirect the conversation to stupid shit. Alienation from an already unified identity is a classic means of making it so much fucking harder for the oppressed to have their pleas for basic rights be acknowledged. Never let your people’s pain be silenced by someone pretending to they’re too stupid to know who you’re talking about.

To the TERFs and bigots who find this, and I fucking hope you find this, Trans Woman is not yours to fucking claim just because “gender is a construct and complicated” you will NEVER know the pain people like me have been through. I refuse to acknowledge a claim on my people’s identity because someone managed to misunderstand a concept hard enough and it’s now snowballed into a new form of complicating discussions of deserving basic and equal rights. I have felt the pains a cis woman has felt, I have felt sexist and awful treatment from men, I have been catcalled, I have been stalked, I have been made unsafe, I have been expected to be a mother for no other reason than “all women want them one day” and I have been assumed to be less than a man for some imagined frailty of the fairer sex. I am a woman. We can share that label, I WANT to share that label. We can bond over sapphic love and feminine experiences and hardships we both suffer under a cruel patriarchy. In just the same way, I have never known the pain of period cramps. I don’t have a vagina. I will never have a pregnancy scare and I will never feel the side effects of birth control. I wasn’t catcalled by gross men walking home when I was in high school. I was never sexualized by the media when I was in middle school the way cis girls would see happen to them. I am NOT a cis woman and I will never be one. I grew up as a boy, I lived and I loved as a young man, I saw the world through masculine eyes and was raised being treated as one, I will never pretend I know what it’s like to be a young girl being preyed upon and used by an older man. I will never touch that label because it’s simply not correct at the most fundamental level. I am a trans woman and that made me who I am. After all the people I’ve met and all the experiences I’ve shared, it took time to be so proud of calling myself a trans woman. Holding up the sky would’ve taken less strength of the heart, but now I feel the deepest pride knowing I’ve done something inconceivably harder.

But you, you people cannot take that from me and my sisters. I draw the fucking line at saying you think you have the slightest notion of what it’s like to be transfeminine. To be born in a body that makes people see you as a man from the very first glance, to hear you wrong from the first whisper of your voice. To spend the rest of your life working tirelessly in a fight against your own biology and/or the perception of the entire world whenever it casts its ugly eye upon you. Some of us don’t even have the privilege of fighting those perceptions or the things or own bodies have been programmed to force on us. Some of us don’t even want to have to do anything about how we look because it’s bullshit to have to fight for that basic respect from our peers in the first place and their standards just don’t align with who we are deep down in the first place! Gender is complicated but this isn’t. Have you EVER held your breath in the women’s public washroom and tucked your feet in because you were scared you’d make other women uncomfortable, because you’re not sure if you’re in an accepting space? FEARED what might happen if you step into the women’s change room to put on a bathing suit or your work clothes? Have you EVER been threatened with physical violence and called slurs in front of your own mother on public transit? Have you ever had to tell your doctor you’re ready to drop out of school to show how “sure” (re: fucking desperate) you are to be prescribed HRT? Sure, lots of cis women are on HRT, I treat them as patients all the time. Have you ever had a hot flash at the age of 21 because you were late on your injection? Did you pierce your skin with thin metal once a week for years and years to get the breasts you have? Did your body do irreparable things to your bones and your voice that make it so no one will ever see you as a woman at first glance without thousands of hours of effort, of tears, of sheer fucking focus and fixation on achieving the ideal self you see in your mind and dream of being one day? DID YOU HAVE TO BEG YOUR GOVERNMENT TO LET YOU HAVE THE BODY YOU LITERALLY ALREADY HAD AT BIRTH OR DID THEY NEVER EVEN SO MUCH AS TRY TO GET IN THE WAY OF JUST BEING CALLED MISS ON YOUR GOD DAMN LICENSE? Cis women can’t even begin to imagine the feelings I have felt, building my wings of feather and bones and wax, day after day, dreaming of flying beside my sisters who were born with wings they’ll never fear will melt, all the while remembering the last time someone born in a body like mine flew too close to the sun. Maybe they’ll perhaps know what it’s like to bind them to their back and hide them beneath their shirt, maybe they’ll even have sheered and ripped the bones from their sockets and one day wish they could have them back and sing with the rest of the angels like they used to, but they will NEVER fly on wings like mine, fear the heat from the light that makes life worth living the way I do, fear the same slings and arrows screaming up through the air from down below and even at times from above my head to let me know loud and clear they wanna knock me outta this sky, this sky that’s so beautiful and holy I cry when I touch it, the very first chance they get.

Transphobia won’t ever take the sky from me. My Icarian Wings are made on the foundation of generation after generation of my people who dreamed and yearned to touch the sunlight blue skies and the infinite glittering nights, each of us telling each other, telling ourselves we’ll never fear the light again one day, lifting each other when we fall, soaring higher each time than the ones whose wax melted before we could save them could, warmly teaching each other how to fix our broken wings and freely gifting each other the love it takes to make them stronger for the next flight. Holding each others hands as we dance and show each other how to fly, hand in hand and heart in heart with the angels who call us sister angels. A cis woman having the audacity to flap her never melting wings and saying hers are just like mine, that the name of my people is just a construct so she can say she she’s just like Icarus too, makes me wanna vomit. Pretending she knows what it’s like to watch in terror as all the feathers fall out suddenly in a moment of weakness making her break her bones upon the rocks, listening to everyone around her say “I knew it, I knew his wings were fake, look at him crawl along the ground in the dirt and the mud where he belongs.” Pretending that if two people both have skin, even of a different colour, that since the labels are made up, the sun and society itself will surely treat them the same if the white one calls themselves black.

Transphobia won’t ever take the sky from me. Come and fucking try to take these wings from me and see what happens.

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igotanidea · 2 years

Text

Side Effects: Morpheus x reader

Request based on prompts list:

Hob: I brought you your coffee (128)

Morpheus: why does she need one, it's the middle of the day?

Reader: Oh I haven't slept in 4 days (132)

Morpheus: Run (130)

Midterms are a pain the ass, forgive my language. When the times comes, twice a year, for 2 weeks I become a hermit working 24/7, limiting contact with friends and family and acting like a living zombie. Thankfully, there are just a couple of people who are not afraid to see me in this form, with messy hair, sleepy eyes, barely controlling myself and snapping at every negative or sarcastic comments. If I were to be absolutely honest, I would say that I’m not the person you can easily get to, but Hob and Morpheus were an exception to a rule. And Matthew, of course. Hob were constantly checking on my mental an psychical help, his smile and attitude making surviving a bit easier even if I never explicitly showed that, he just knew. As for Morpheus his lack of knowledge about humans and life in general made it complicated. He couldn’t understand why I spend my time poring over books instead of joining him in his Realm and it took joint effort of me, Hob AND Matthew to stuff his head with the importance of education in modern world.

“You know, Dream, in XXI century girls are allowed to study and gain knowledge on the same terms as men….”

“But…..”

“And that is exactly what I’m going to do”

“But…..”

“No buts.” I shook my head in disapproval “I’m not asking for your permission or anything like that.”

“I don’t mind your studies.” He muttered

“Don’t you?” Hob smirk “Last time you mentioned something about missing her and …..”

“Stop it!” Dream’s voice turned stone cold, his glistening with anger and embarrassment gaze focused on the man.

“Just saying the truth” Hob raised his hands in surrender “It’s not my fault you don’t like it.”

“Guys, quit it, please. As much as I enjoy the show you put on I don’t need it now, ok? Can I get any support in my approach to schooling? Matthew?”

“Yes?”

“Were you even listening to what I was saying?”

“Barely, sorry” he looked down.

“I hate you, you know.” I stood up with anger on my face “for a beings of many, many years old you should at least try to understand it. Hob, you disappointed me. Given your experience with changing times I expected more of you. And as for you Dream ….. “ I shook my head “It’s just sad, you know. I’m gonna go.” Grabbing my backpack I didn’t even listen to their voices calling after me as I left and walked straight home. Back to my books.

“Look what you both have done.” Matthew cawed

“What did WE do?” Hob’s eyes widened “you weren’t even listening to her”

“Maybe, if I were I would absolutely support her.”

“I never said I don’t stand on her side. This one did” Gadling pointed towards Dream being absolutely sure that the Dream Lord would never hurt him, even after such offensive assumption.

“Quiet!” King of Dreams got impatient and his companions immediately went silent “why is this so important to her? This … education?”

“Really, boss? Are you serious?”

“ I’m not known for joking around, am I? Now, speak”

“She is smart, ok? Like really smart. And today’s world is not exactly welcoming towards the smart women. They are constantly undermined, limited in their attempts for more, believed to be weaker than men and way to often judged only by their looks. Nothing strange in her wanting more. Education is important and helps you in life.”

“From every being in the universe you should know the effect of ignorance of existence, first-hand Dream” Hob mocked him once again and this time Dream Lord did not let it pass.

“That is enough, Hob Gadling. One more word and I will send a nightmare after you”

“No you won’t “ Matthew and Hob said in unison, knowing better.

***

Did I mention I only let a few people (and a talking Raven in)? Yes, I was angry with them all. Yes, I felt like they treated me unfair. But on the other hand I was also aware that because of being tired my reactions were a bit … exaggerated. So, the next day I decided to take a quick trip to the New Inn and grab myself something to drink, tea perhaps since too much caffeine was bad for my nervous system. It seemed, however that someone knew me better and therefore my walk was postponed.

“I brought you your coffee” Hob was nonchalantly leaning on the doorframe, widest smile on his face reaching towards his eyes, handling me the biggest cup I’ve ever seen.”

“Appreciate it” I took it looking down and biting my lip “look, Hob I’m sorry for….”

“Hey, it’s ok. I get you are under stress, so no worries. Besides, I like this edgy and feisty side of yours.”

“Do you?” I raised an eyebrow “Well, that makes me happy. I enjoy our bantering and sarcastic relationship. You wanna come inside?”

“I thought you were studying?”

“ I was heading for a break, so might as well ask you.”

“Well, who am I to refuse a girl?” he grinned happily and moved to walk past me. Unfortunately, he did it a bit clumsily, hitting me and causing a bit of burning hot coffee to spill on me.

“Ouch, Hob!” I yelled and rushed towards the bathroom to clean the T-shirt and avoid stains and burning sides on the skin.

“I’m sorry!” he followed me quickly but bounced off the door I shut in front of his face “I did not mean to.”

“I know, but it hurts now!”

“Please let me in so I can help you!” he banged on the entry.

“In your dreams!” I spit desperately trying to clean the stain

“What happened here?” third voice came on the stage.

“Darn! What are you doing here, Morpheus?!” I opened the bathroom forgetting I was only in my bra “what?!” I yelled noting their gaze on me “Oh…. Right, just a second” covering my chest and stomach I moved towards the bedroom, grabbing first clean shirt and putting it on before coming back on sight. “What are you doing here?”

“You called my name.”

“I called…. Oh, shit! Me mentioning dreams had nothing to do with you.”

“I see.”

“Are you going to go back to Dreaming?”

“No.”

“Why?” I whined “I need to study.”

“Just a minute ago you said you were in need of a break” Hob pointed out

“Well thanks a lot Hob!”

“What? I’m just saying the truth

“Yeah, you have an annoying habit of doing that!”

“What. Happened here? Why are you hurt?” Dream interrupted us before we rushed into each other throats.

“I only brought her coffee.”

“Why does she need one? It’s the middle of the day.”

“You know Dream, for a lord of the sleeping realm you are uncharacteristically oblivious, to put it lightly” I tapped my forehead “I haven’t slept in four days. And you two are making me angry so let me tell you this is a dangerous zone you are entering.” I took a step forward, clenching fists.

“You what?”

“You heard me the first time.”

“Dream? You got paler than before. I never knew that was even possible” Hob examined the other man’s face, surprise and a bit of fear in his tone.

“Hob?”

“Yes?”

“Run.”

@somest1 @pinksirensong

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scintillafire · 2 years

Text

Ms. Secretary || K.TH

⚠️ warning(s): taehyun x reader, ceo!taehyun, secretary!reader, dom!tyun, sub!reader, rough sex, office sex, nipple play, overstimulation, multiple orgasm, possessive boyfriend, hidden relationship

🗒: if anyone's interested i might add another part to this one!

.・✥・゜・。.

You've been Taehyun's secretary for the past two years and through those times, you were nothing but an outstanding employee. You've earned the 'employee of the month' a couple of times due to your hard work and perseverance. Everyone, both men and women admired you for your skills and abilities even if you're one of the youngest to enter the Kang Industries. Not only that, many of them also found you attractive and pretty, especially when you dress while showing more skin whenever the company has some night outs.

You have been receiving confessions both left and right but all you did was decline politely, saying you couldn't return their feelings.

Because little did they know, the head of the entire company already had his eyes on you for a long time.

Taehyun, the CEO and the owner of the company, was your boyfriend and the two of you had been secretly dating for some time now. You couldn't afford to disclose your relationship with him because the media always kept an eye on him, and his parents weren't expecting him to date this early in his career. You don't want to be exposed either because the other employees might think that Taehyun's giving you big favours and treating you a little special compared to the rest of them.

"Fuck, babe.." You panted as Taehyun slammed his hips against yours, thrusting deeper as he grunted from behind.

Your knees buckled at the impact and you whimpered in shock. Taehyun tightened his grip on your waist, both of his hands digging fingerprints on your delicate skin. He muttered curses as he rolled his hips, bucking faster as he buried his hard cock deep inside you. He was so fast that your heart was beating rapidly along with the rhythm that your boyfriend was going with.

One of his hands travelled across your body, tracing the curve of your back before he went lower. You cried out loud when you felt a harsh smack against your ass, whispering your pleas along with your boyfriend's name.

"I thought I already made it clear that no one gets to touch you like that, hm?" Taehyun grumbled in between moans, jackhammering you from behind. You could feel how much his length had stretched you because the veins of his massive cock were grazing your walls.

Taehyun was usually very passionate, gentle, and sweet during sex. But earlier during the meeting, an action caught his sight that instantly made him enraged.

You were serving glasses of water to the board members while Taehyun discussed with so much focus. One of the men seemed to be sexually attracted and as you were serving his glass of water, the man reached up and skimmed his hand around your slim waist, feeling your curves. The man had said some very sexual and offensive words and all of that caught your boyfriend's attention.

He was upset and he harshly dismissed you, sending you out of the meeting room. You had no idea what happened next in there, but you know damn well how Taehyun was. That man will learn his lesson.

The meeting ended late at night and just as the board members left, Taehyun found you and dragged you to the archive room that was connected to his own office.

He had messily kissed you and pushed you against the table inside the room, not caring about the important files scattering on the floor. He practically ripped your white dress shirt as it hung on your elbows, your laced bra thrown on the floor, your underwear hanging on your thighs and your skirt was riding up your ass.

You felt his dick throb inside you as he slightly pulled out before slamming back in mercilessly.

"Answer me," He demanded as he sucked on the skin of your shoulder, his muscles flexing sexily as he continued to thrust deep.

"I was scared, I didn't want to cause a scene that's why I couldn't do anything," You rambled dumbly as your body jolted against the table, your elbows were burning painfully as you kept them up against the hard surface.

Taehyun held your left leg and lifted it on the table, making your hole spread wider for him. He thrusted more and you felt his balls slapping against your ass as he fucked you well from behind.

"I'm sorry," You muttered as tears flowed down from your eyes.

"Louder, baby." Taehyun said with his deep voice. His hands went up to clasp your breasts and you whined in pleasure, loving how he tugged them and massaged them with his big hands.

"I'm sorry!" You obliged out loud as you closed your eyes. Your lips parted in bliss as he fucked you into oblivion.

"Apology accepted." He whispered on your ear before nudging you to face him, your lips hungrily met his and you opened your mouth wide for him. You kissed him back, moaning when his tongue locked with yours. "Don't worry, I'll make sure to put those men in place next time when you're around again."

He picked up his pace this time, going so fast that your stomach was pressed against the table. His thrusts were deep and harsh, his cock was growing even bigger inside you and the skin slapping sounds sent you both over the edge. You felt the familiar knot tightening in the pit of your stomach, making your walls clench around him as Taehyun groaned in satisfaction.

"I'm close," You said weakly in the middle of the kiss and Taehyun pulled away, licking his way down from your jaw to your neck.

"Cum for me, baby." He replied, his voice trembling as he felt himself go near after you. He dragged his dick inside you, rocking his hips hard on your ass and after a very fast thrust, you finally came. The fluid flowed down, drenching the front of your skirt and your underwear that still clung on your thighs. The sound of dribbling excess fluid dropped to the floor and it somehow made you both go even wilder with your thoughts.

"You're driving me crazy, Y/n." He whispered lowly, still fucking you through your orgasm, slowly overstimulating you.

You squealed when Taehyun started to make his thrusts short but fast, not even letting you recover after that intense coming.

"W-Wait, we're still gonna keep going?" You asked in your fucked out state, hair messy and makeup slightly smudged, and sweat glistening your bare skin. You may look like a mess but under Taehyun's gaze, you're like an angel tempted by him to commit mistakes. You're so pretty and sexy that he wanted to fuck you more until daylight.

"I haven't come yet," He replied. "Planning to leave me undone like this?"

The last thing you wanted at the moment was to see him upset again. It was the first time he's going rough with you during sex and you suppose all the stress from work and madness drove him to do this.

"No," The least you could do was to satisfy your boyfriend through this. "Fuck me all you want, please."

That seemed to do the magic because Taehyun broke in a soft chuckle, nuzzling his nose on your hair.

"Make me cum again, babe." You added with a whiny voice, making Taehyun's cock twitch inside you. "Please, I wanna satisfy you."

Taehyun smirked, licking your earlobe before he whispered. "Then be good to me."

He started picking up his pace once again. The arousal took over both of you, his thrust became long and fast. The tip of his cock would tease your entrance before pushing deep in you and hitting you perfectly on your sweet spot. His skin slapping against yours and the sound of it along with your moans created a very lewd combination.

"Fuck, you're so hot, Y/n," He groaned, his hands harshly pulling your hair to the side, exposing more of your neck as he attached his teeth on your skin. His chest was flushed against your sweaty back as he reached on your front, cupping both of your breasts once again.

He knew how sensitive you already were and so he played more with your body, his fingers rubbing against your nipples, making your buds go hard.

"Ahh, babe!" You screamed in bliss, feeling light-headed due to the pleasure, his teeth digging red marks on your neck as his hips rocked against your ass, his cock throbbing painfully.

The overstimulation was making you dumb, Taehyun could make you forget your own name as he fucked you into ecstasy.

Your legs were shaking and Taehyun kept you up by not letting you go.

"Gonna cum," You weakly moaned, eyes half-closed.

"Cum with me then, Ms. Secretary," He teased and with the following skillful thrusts, his cock was buried deep in your spot as he did his release. His tip squirting loads and strings of cum and your eyes widened at that, you moaned loudly as he thrusts slowly. You cum again after him and he gently bucked his hips while you both come down from your high.

That was the best sex you both ever had. Taehyun slowly pulled out a minute later, leaving a kiss on the side of your head. Your eyes were half-closed as Taehyun hugged you from behind.

"Good girl." He whispered.

.・✥・゜・。.

note: thank you for reading! Lemme know your thoughts about this one! i would love to read your comments :)) and feel free to send me some requests 🤍 (i might add another part to this fic!)

#txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #txt taehyun #txt suggestive #taehyun imagines #txt imagines #taehyun hard thoughts #taehyun smut #taehyun x reader #kang taehyun #taehyun hard hours #taehyun suggestive #txt scenarios #txt smut

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m3l4nch0ly-h1ll · 7 months

Text

I've finally gathered the words to talk about my personal experience being a trans guy. I want to find other trans guys who can relate and have someone that will help them understand things better. I value sharing and relating experiences. Understanding others' experiences has helped me as a trans guy to put my experience and feelings into these words.

For starters, I've experienced gender dysphoria since I was 5-6. But due to my lack of thought regarding gender and my own identity, I didn't have any understanding on my gender dysphoria. There was a growing off feeling throughout my life that pushed me to realization at 12. Cisnormativie society made it easy to suppress who I am and make me partially go with what they want me to be.

Due to being in a cisnormative and suppressive society, it made it difficult for me to think for myself. So I just went by what people saw me as- a weird cishet girl with an obsession with cis men. The fat manly-looking bum. I was a target of mocking, and people would insult me for not being feminine and thin. People would call me a man- I only found this offensive because it was a jab at my lack of femininity. It was ill-intented to shame me, for people to express their disgust with me. I was only thankful for being ugly because that meant men wouldn't like me, and I wouldn't be expressing the femininity and showing off the very womanly features that make me so uncomfortable and out of place.

I didn't know who or what I wanted to be in life. Androgyny was my best bet and safe haven, since my maleness was suppressed but I didn't enjoy being a girl. Throughout my life I'd try expressing femininity and feeling good about it but it always turned bad for me- it made me so dysphoric, I felt like a clown expressing femininity. It got far more off-putting as I went on with life, yet I tried to suppress the feeling despite how embarrassed and uncomfortable I was. I never wanted to be a mother, but I wanted to be a parent. Cisnormativity suppressed part of my gender dysphoria, but not all of it since I ended up using androgyny to escape some of this gender dysphoria. I was far too suppressed to identify my maleness yet. To the point of feeling like I was chained to the role of a girl, and I couldn't see a clear and passionate future for myself.

I didn't see girls as competition for me. I couldn't link well with their girlhood and competition, so I didn't value it. I didn't feel pressured too hard by societal expectations of women, and I always brushed it off. And so boys were my competition. I felt uncomfortable doing certain things that were perceived as feminine/girly, but my excuse for it at the time was that people see me as a girl anyway, so I can let it slide, even though it makes me feel so weird.

I viewed feminine beauty and womanhood as something unlinked to me, it's something I admire from afar. My admiration for women isn't one of influence and idolism, but one of appreciation for their unique ways of expressing themselves as women. In ways I never could, because I could never find my place within femininity or womanhood.

I always hated being seen as attractive by boys. It always felt so repulsive and off-putting to me. I desired to be attractive, but not in a feminine or womanly way. I didn't want to appeal to men. That is where my envy for cis men comes in. Ever since I was 5, I've had this fascination with cis men. Their manhood and manliness, their ways of expressing androgyny, and them attracting women. It stirred up my dysphoria, which got me hooked to them.

Growing up with female puberty, I couldn't connect with it. I found periods and hair-growing interesting, but I couldn't connect with the femininity and womanhood involved in female puberty. It was just there. I never had appreciation for my growing chest, so there were only three options to pick from:

sexualize it

ignore it

hate it

Ignoring my chest is something I did well at- usually. It helped with somewhat alleviating my dysphoria, since I was distracted by other things. They never felt like another part of me, just something to either objectify or be repulsed by. I didn't understand why girls enjoyed comparing chest size and having bigger boobs than each other. I could never truly enjoy it, and I always looked at flat-chested girls with secret envy.

I started puberty at 8. I started learning about periods at 9 since I knew I'd get mine at 10. I was never excited to get my period, I was only curious- my body was always just an experiment to experience for knowledge, it isn't a connection to who I am and appreciate being. And therefore, my period never made me feel happy and prideful, and it didn't make me feel like I was becoming a woman. That felt like such an off term to use for how I felt and still feel.

When I was in 5th grade, females and males in my class were put in separate rooms to learn about puberty. The whole time during a video of female puberty, I felt my dysphoria stirring with bonding about female puberty and the differences and similarities me and other classmates had. I suppressed my hate for it. I wanted so badly to see what was going on in the other room, to see boys bonding and relating over puberty, to see their reactions and all. The male body fascinated me anyway, and I always enjoyed it. I couldn't bring myself to be really sexually attracted to male bodies as I was fascinated by them and curious. Even if it seemed like it was a sexual attraction to others, it wasn't.

And added onto this, my attraction towards cis men is usually envy towards them and their unique expressions of manhood and masculinity that I couldn't get to express. But my true self was suppressed so it was passed off as me having feelings for them.

I at some point had started to wonder if I was a lesbian but I realized how wrong the label felt for me, so I didn't go with it. As I'm nearing 16, it's been 3-4 years since I've realized, so it's still somewhat unfamiliar to me to now know why I feel the way I do. I've been dysphoric for 10 years and I've only known of terms to use to understand my feelings for 3/4 of those years- my life is still the same in this regard but the difference is that I have terms to use to describe my feelings and experiences, and others who can relate.

I worry about my past, present, and future. I have somewhat of envy for people that knew their gender since 3-5, so it's no news for them. I spent most of my childhood feeling like I was destined to be a girl and suppress that off feeling growing inside of me. I'm glad to have been given a second chance to think and feel for myself and finally understand myself and my experiences.

My past self is withered next to a blooming new me. The boy in him didn't get to grow and reveal itself, so he was deprived of life, and died for it. But I was given the chance to find him and finally be him. My younger self would've drowned searching for him, he was too young to dive deep. And I'm thankful to finally understand myself.

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mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess · 1 year

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Gambling man

When Nie Huaisang all but dragged him out of his bed and away from his sappy, romantic K-drama marathon, Wei Wuxian had expected to be taken to some cafe, bar, night club or something down-to-earth like that - not the highest end casino in town in a limo that Nie Huaisang definitely shouldn't have been able to afford. Not after his older brother cut off his allowance due to his abysmal grades, that is.

"A-Sang, how did you even pay for this? Did you start selling drugs or something?"

Huaisang opened his fan in offense. He had dressed in his fanciest clothes and looked every bit as elegant as he did androgynous. "I'd never step on Xue Yang's turf like that, and he's my best dealer anyway, it would be a breach of trust."

Before Wei Wuxian could say anything (since when was Huaisang buying drugs, let alone from Xue Yang of all people? There was no way he didn't know of the massive scandal that broke out at their university over him), Huaisang continued, "And anyway, I only spent half of my allowance on this, it was a bargain!"

"A-Sang, half of your allowance is like 400$."

"Exactly! So cheap! Plus, we can't just show up to the Cloud Recesses in a taxi or something, it's bad taste and we're not poor!"

Wei Wuxian sent him a pointed look. "We are, though. I mean, I am."

A shrug. "Yeah but at least you're finally no contact with that terrible woman! And you have me! I'm also poor but not as poor as you - no offense."

"None taken, it's the truth. But since we're both basically broke, why are we going to a casino?"

Huaisang waved his fan closed. "To get rich, of course! Like hell am I going to live off 800$ every month! That's not even enough for makeup, do you know how much some good foundation costs nowadays?!"

"Uhh, no, not really..."

The fan was pointed so close in his face that Wei Wuxian felt Nie Huaisang might poke his eyes out with it. "Of course not, you people with good skin just don't get it! Da-Ge didn't even want to hear it! And all because old teacher Lan has it out for me!"

"He doesn't, A-Sang, you just only showed up to his class once and slept through it... never turned in an assignment, never showed up for the exam-"

"Who wakes up at 6 am to attend his lectures?"

"Me, Lan Zhan-"

"Okay, let me rephrase that: who in their right mind wakes up at 6 am to attend his lectures?"

The limo stopped in front of the large, lit up establishment. It looked every bit as luxurious and grandiose at night as it did during the day, white marble and light blue accents, the family crest serving as the logo on its large glass doors.

"What if we lose the money we do have?"

"Ridiculous! I never lose! Especially not when I'm wearing my tightest pair of pants. Have a little faith in me, A-Ying, I've been doing this for a long time! Come on in, and try to look as if you belong here!"

Wei Wuxian ran a hand through his hair, trying to tame it. "And how do I even do that?"

Huaisang opened his fan and undid the front two buttons of his silk shirt. "I don't know, just be self-centered and entitled I guess."

"So like Jin Zixuan."

"Exactly like Jin Zixuan!"

---

Nie Huaisang hadn't been kidding, he really was a pro - of course, he was surprisingly skilled playing all sorts of games, from the roulette to blackjack and poker, but if he just so happened to have a losing hand, he knew how to bat his eyelashes or wiggle his assets enough to still win something in the end.

"Men are easiest to distract." Huaisang instructed as he pocketed yet another win to claim at the exit. "Women are a bit more... subtle, and we're not in a position to play the long game right now. Anyway, you try it too, your ass is fatter than mine."

"Let's get a drink first, I'm too sober for this."

But just as they're about to order, Wei Wuxian noticed Nie Huaisang paling, as if he'd just seen a ghost (or their monthly expenses).

"What is- Lan Zhan?!"

Stone-faced, academic extraordinaire, rule-enthusiast Lan Wangji was just... standing there, glaring Nie Huaisang down. And he looked so good doing it, in a white suit so perfectly tailored on his body, and a loose side ponytail styled in such an elegant, subtle manner, a white ribbon woven through the-

"A-Ying, you're staring." Huaisang whispered in his ear as he hid behind him. "But he's staring too. I told you the tight shirt was a good idea."

Snapping out of it, Wei Wuxian let out an awkward laugh. "Uh, what a surprise to meet you here, Lan Zhan, I never took you as a gambling guy."

Nie Huaisang sighed in Wei Wuxian's ear. "His family literally owns the place, how do you not know?"

With a half mouth, Wei Wuxian replied, "I don't frequent the casino world like you rich people, I have a retail job!"

"Wei Ying. What brings you here?"

"Oh just..." he felt Huaisang glare at him subtly, "...just curious, I guess? I've always been good at poker and stuff and I was bored on this Saturday night so I decided to just... drop by!"

"Mn. Have you been successful?"

"Oh, I haven't really played yet... I'm, uh, trying to get used to the... atmosphere..."

"I could accompany you if you wish."

"I-"

"HE DOES!" Nie Huaisang all but shouted, emerging from Wei Wuxian's back and pushing him ever so slightly towards Lan Wangji. "He does want your company. More than you know. But, say, Wangji-xiong, is-is your brother here tonight?"

Lan Wangji gave Huaisang a long, judgemental stare. "Yes."

"Is my brother also with him?"

"Obviously."

You could see the cold sweat form on Nie Huaisang's temples, a wide, pleading smile on his lips. "Say, why don't you go ahead and spend some quality time with A-Ying and you pretend you never saw me?"

Wei Wuxian turned slightly towards Nie Huaisang, and whispered. "Why do I feel like I'm being traded right now?"

"You are." Huaisang whispered back. "Now be a good war prize so Da-Ge doesn't behead me and I'll give you half my winnings, alright?"

Lan Wangji didn't seem to react, but he did place a very respectful hand on Wei Wuxian's lower back, pointedly refusing to look at Nie Huaisang. "Follow me."

"Where are we going?"

"The VIP."

"The VIP?!"

"Mn. I do not like playing with an audience."

"Playing cards, right?"

"..."

"Lan Zhan, that's what we'll play, right?"

"Mn."

Nie Huaisang sighed, relieved, and downed both his and Wei Wuxian's drink in one go. Then, he reapplied his Chanel lipstick and sashayed towards one of the poker tables, where he had already seen someone checking him out from afar.

He had severely miscalculated when he saw who else was among the players.

"Ah, Wen-guniang... fancy meeting you here... haha..."

Wen Qing shot him a bored look. "Drop the act, Nie Huaisang, it's embarrassing."

He clicked his fan closed and sighed. "You're really going to leave me penniless, aren't you?"

"I've already shaken Jin Zixun off half his fortune, I'll go easy on you."

"Delightful."

---

(By the end of the night, Nie Huaisang managed to win some 5K back after a debilitating loss to Wen Qing, but at least Da-Ge never found out he'd been gambling a few rooms away from him. As the saying goes, a win is a win.

Anyway, Wei Wuxian didn't come home that night, but Nie Huaisang had expected that. After all, it was high time he and Lan Wangji confessed their feelings and fucked about it - it was getting insufferable to see them both pine like some cliche romcom.

Nie Huaisang would be more than happy to take the credit for finally pushing them in the right direction (AKA towards each other and a private room), and if it just so happened to have saved his ass in the process - well, that was just his quick wit at work.

Serves you right, old teacher Lan, I'm not as much of an idiot as you think I am!)

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #writing attempts #wangxian #nhs #this was so fun to write

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yuri-for-businesswomen · 6 months

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Thank you! So, for the last several years I thought of myself as bisexual, but I still feel like I’m lying to myself. That maybe I’m just straight. I don’t get turned on by women as much as men. Although I’ve realized that my obsession with men (it is, in fact, kind of an obsession, I myself feel it) is a result of an abusive father, then a stepfather, and my overconsumption of porn since I was like 6. That’s actually a whole another topic, I fucking hate pornography so much. It feels like it ruined my brain. I still feel like I get turned on by extreme stuff. It’s disgusting and I feel like a vile human being. But getting to the initial topic - I don’t fantasise of women in such context as much as of men. I don’t think I ever masturbated fantasising of a woman… And it feels like a cornerstone for me. I often think I’m just delusional , or I want to feel included somewhere. That I’m just straight. I’ve never been in a relationship with either sex. As of now I feel like men dont interest me as much and I don’t want to date them, but I still feel this “obsession”. I don’t know how to get rid of it.

I didn’t have any crushes on female characters or real life girls as a kid, I think. So that’s another thing… But I did have a crush on one girl in my college. I think I’d still feel butterflies in my stomach if I saw her. But one crush compared to my many infatuations with men doesn’t seem enough. Also, even if I fantasise about being in a relationship with a woman, it feels almost strange. Because I feel as though I’m not good enough. Or that I’m an imposter. I’ve had one girl who had interest in ME (which I can’t believe in to this day), but I didn’t like her back. I still lived with my mother than, and I remember telling her about my complicated feelings on this and she just disregarded it all. Saying that I’m straight and it’s time I stopped lying to myself and trying to be trendy, that I’m not a lesbian. (I’ve never called myself a lesbian, I don’t know why she said this).

I guess getting a crush on a woman and this feeling being mutual would help me realize if I’m actually bisexual. I mean, like entering a real relationship. But that’s another thing - I mostly get crushes on butches. And it makes me always think, and I know this sounds so wrong and disgusting, but - what if I like butches because they are similar to men? What if I just like men and this is some sort of projection?

I’m sorry if this was too graphic and long. You don’t have to respond to this. Also thank you for your time

hello darling! first off - you can relax. it sounds like youre putting a lot of pressure on yourself. bisexuality isnt 50/50. some are more same-sex attracted; some more opposite. and it can change: for example, the older i got, the more attracted i became to women, and possibly due to allowing myself to feel that attraction (because in my experience admitting to yourself you are bi is one thing, learning to allow that attraction another; we are raised in a heteronormative society and kind of have to learn on our own how to deal with our same sex attraction) i also initiated more with women. i think theres a lot less chances because there are just not as many same sex attracted women, and then you have to be attracted to her and she has to be attracted to you, etc.

im sorry you were exposed to porn this early, and that the men in your life did this to you. this probably has a huge influence on your sexuality and especially how you perceive it. again i would recommend you to allow yourself to breathe, what will happen will happen, if youve felt attracted and had romantic feelings for women before and you know a woman who gives you butterflies you are likely right in your assessment. i also think straight women dont think about it this extensively. as bisexual women men are the „easier“ option (as in, more potential partners and established norms of behavior, social expectations etc; and men tend to be more offensive in flirting and initiating stuff) and i think if you never had a woman return your interest there is this doubt which is on top enforced by womens bisexuality often being questioned and mocked, something we internalise.

please feel free to reach out via direct message if you are comfortable with that, youre more than welcome to. and please, dont stress yourself! you have nothing to prove to anyone!

#ask #lb #oh and by the way i have issues with obsession too

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alarrytale · 3 months

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Shawn felt uncomfortable that people were speculating about his sexuality, because he was bullied his whole childhood for being feminine. He has multiple time supported LBQTH community, but has said that isn’t part of it. All of his actually partners got huge amount of hate. How would you feel like if people were hating on your partner (someone you love) and claimed you don’t love them or aren’t attracted to them. Do you realize how offensive that is?

Hi, anon!

Being young and being bullied for being feminine and having the word "gay" being thrown at you as a derogatory remark is awful. Especially if you're queer or questioning. It can make you insecure and can lead to internalised homophobia.

If he is straight it wouldn't impact him anymore when he turned successful and had girls throwing themselves at him. He'd gain confidence with female attention and sexual experience. He'd grow to learn that there is nothing wrong with being gay, he's just not, and know that protesting it too much would make him seem homophobic. He'd also learn that his sexuality being questioned could lead to interest from large target groups he'd otherwise as a straight man not have access to. Showing yourself to be lgbt+ supportive as a straight man is progressive and lauded by his target groups. There would be no reason to still prove you're straight and lashing out at the ones who speculate, and say you're hurt by the speculation.

Now, if he's not straight and the bullying has in any way impacted him, i'd expect to see him try to act straight and distance himself from things that will fuel the speculation. Someone who is suffering from internalised homophobia would lash out at the speculation like he did, but they wouldn't simultaniously drape themselves in rainbow flags and say things like men should wear crop tops because they look good in them. They'd certainly not get a "good boy" tattoo. A confident straight person would and a confident queer person would. Someone who is not straight and is queercoding like Shawn is, is confident in their sexuality. The only reason for him to vehemently deny it is if he's closeted. Someone closeted, and who is queercoding, lgbt+ supportive, and presenting feminine would need a beard to stay closeted and to curtail speculation about him being queer.

There is no smoke without fire. There is a reason why people speculate. It's not just down to him acting feminine and it's not something people do to hurt him. Because there is nothing wrong with being gay. I'd argue it makes you more interesting and sets you apart.

With Shawn everything is pointing at him being gay. Despite him saying he's uncomfortable with the speculation, his behaviour shows the opposite. I see someone who's known he's gay from a young age and who wants to be himself, but is under a label who wants to make him into a heartthrob who women throws themselves after. Much like Harry. His closeting has taken a toll on him mentally, because he wants to live his truth and be accepted for who he is, and he's stuggling with playing straight.

I want you to think about what you see when you look at Shawn. Can you honestly say that you don’t see it? There is nothing at all that makes you question him? Also think about the reasons why you're on my blog defending him from gay speculation. Do you want him to be himself and happy first and foremost or do you want him to keep fulfilling your own fantasy? Even if his attempt at doing so is making him deeply unhappy? I know it's hard to wake up and realise your idol is not who you thought he was. But before you double down in my inbox, take a look at all the information out there before you confidently say he's not queer.

#if the love was real it would be palpable #there wouldn't be speculation #it's quite simple #shawn mendes #okay no more of this #this is a larry blog lol

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aizenat · 2 years

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This really set me off this morning because of the blatant homophobia of it all. There is literally a scene in the last episode where Lestat is on top of Louis. In all the intimate moments between them it’s never a definitive role. Sometimes Louis tops, sometimes it’s Lestat. One of them is not the lone instigator of their intimate moments.

And it’s not the implication of “Lestat is a bottom” that irritates me but how you straights seem to assume that even if someone exclusively only tops or bottom that that defines their role in the relationship. Oh, Louis kisses Lestat so that means Lestat is the “bottom.” Because the implication isn’t just who gives and receives in sex (which is really gross to be obsessed with), but who in the relationship is “dominant” vs “submissive.” Essentially, who is the man vs the woman. The aggressor vs the passive one. It’s the exact sentiment that fueled the homophobic question gays would get asked all the time in the 90s and 00s: “who wears the pants in the relationship?”

You straights miss the fundamental best part about being gay for us: not having to conform and play into the gender roles and expectations of heterosexual relationship dynamics. I say time and time again that realizing I was a lesbian felt like a sigh of relief. The little quips that would make me unappealing to men (wanting who I marry to take my last name, or we just keep our names, wanting to propose to my future spouse, not wanting to clean, being the “breadwinner,” etc) are things that are not an issue if I’m dating another woman.

And I’m not a “top” (which really even that is more of a gay man thing, not really a lesbian thing so it doesn’t matter anyway). I don’t want to wear the metaphorical pants. I like cooking and would be happy to be responsible for my family’s meals. The career I specifically want I want to be so successful in it that I can be the partner that stays home with the kid. I like receiving in bed as well as giving. I’m not a “femme,” nor am I even close to a stud. I like masculine women, but personality wise I’m pretty firm. I wouldn’t want to be some dainty trophy wife or a “good submissive” wife. The idea of submission makes me gag, as does the idea of dominating.

This is why terms like heteronormativity became popular in lgbt spaces in the 2010s. Because we were sick of straights trying to project their gender roles and expectations onto us. Because we don’t subscribe to that. And anyone who is actually gay—who had to do the hard and strenuous work of trying to figure out why we just can’t relate to our straight peers, and why we can’t just get happily fall in line the way the other straights could etc—understands that.

So when I see you weird ass straight (idk what you try to call yourselves to pretend you’re part of the lgbt community when you would throw up like crazy before actually having sex with a same sex partner) fans do this shit, THIS is the reason y’all get called homophobic. This is why gay people accuse you of fetishizing. The weird and creepy labeling of our entire personality based on whether or not we’re “tops” vs “bottoms.” Minimizing who we are to what position we prefer in bed. The obsession with the intricacies of how we fuck that you would NEVER do to straight couples.

Fandoms have gotten away with this for too long and you’d think with all the “pro-lgbt” “woke” young people involved in fandoms these days that y’all would have cut this out by 2022, but this year is almost over and you’re STILL doing it. Seriously, cut it out. It’s gross. It’s fetishizing. It’s creepy. It’s offensive. It’s homophobic. It’s disgusting. Cut it out.

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #fandom culture #homophobia #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #free louis 2k23

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youremyheaven · 26 days

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Heloo admin ji! You fav desi anon this side (lol)

I can't believe I keep crying about how not more is talked about Anuradha and then boom! I saw your post and now I wanna cry 🤣🤣

One thing that I want to say to everyone reading this is just that everyone has a different interpretation of the same thing. I'm not taking sides but what I want to highlight is I might pick on different themes and someone else on different themes while analysing the same nakshtra Or anything in general. There's no harm in listening to the other person. Especially if you're self assured about who you are.

Disclaimer: Some of this may trigger y'all although I like to put it in the least offensive way possible

Now coming to the post- where shall I start, Saturn is seen as traditional and stoic. As a Saturn woman I tried very hard to be able to fit in with the ongoing trends that talked about challenging societal beliefs about traditional gender norms. But I authentically always saw myself as more of a traditional woman. Which is something I felt ashamed of. If that makes sense? And honestly Tate's content triggered me a lot (not that I was a subscriber but ofc he's in everyone's feed at this pt. lol) not only because I felt most of it was BS but also because at times I felt like hey I actually want a traditional household but not the picture that he was painting. I just want a normal guy who'll be stable, loyal and caring and ofc I never expect things that I'm not willing to give so it goes both ways. Having said that Saturnians may not be everyone's cup of tea coz we need to be sure about what we're getting into all the time. There's no room for uncertainty imo. Which can go both ways. Similarly being traditional can go towards the extreme. Something that I feel you covered in the post.

End note- We all have a good and bad side. The whole point is some people with some placements end up being on the other spectrum at times or like totally in the way they choose to live while some of us consciously realise where we can change. So my love to you all (non Saturnians included 😂❤)

P.S.- Sorry for the biggest rant of the century.

One of my old failed talking stages was an Anuradha Moon man and he had a very strict gym + diet routine + he was studying for his CA and was super disciplined and strict with himself in general. He got shit done and he was super thorough. He always made fun of podcast bros like Andrew Tate. He was a very staunch atheist and was one of those annoying people who thought anybody who had an ounce of faith was an illogical unscientific cretin and he was super aggressive with his beliefs? He made fun of me for praying 😭 It was so crazy to me how he thought Andrew was an asshole but he turned around and imposed his worldview on others without second thought. He also criticised feminism for making girls think they have to do everything men do to "be equal" and he was also super into traditional gender roles. He spoke about how women these days don't "behave like women" 🤮🤢🤮🤢etc

He also spoke about how important marriage was to him and he'd "joke" about how he'd keep me in place 🫠 after marriage? He was obsessed with being rich and would brag about his sneaker collection and if I ever complained about anything, he'd say that "people like me have real problems, you're just spoilt" 😤 I just think the nature of Saturn is that whatever they believe in, they take it to extremes. If they're religious, they'll be extremely religious but like this guy who wasn't, he was an extreme atheist. Saturn energy can make someone restricted to their worldview.

Being traditional can be a wonderful thing and I consider myself pretty traditional as well (too traditional for some crowds but too "modern" for other crowds) and many women I admire are also traditional (I'll explore more in part 2 ) but finding a traditional man who is more normal?? (Lol) is a struggle 🥲bc a lot of men just think being an alpha asshole = being traditional. The spirituality of Saturn is very inspiring as well and evolved Saturnians are so 🫶✨

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cherienymphe · 9 months

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Your comment didn't offend me! I just wanted to explain the reader's side of things because I do understand the concern for how Nat will feel. It's a sticky situation and I won't say whether or not Nat will be fully understanding about it, but Nat will see where the reader is coming from. Nat has guilt of her own she's dealing with on behalf of the reader (that will only worsen after the next chapter). Tbh they're both just miserable and feeling guilty about the other.

And yeah I see why you would want the reader to just tell Peter outright about that night when he asked, but I think there's this assumption Peter will be lenient on her solely because the reader entertained that thought herself. The reader understands the severity of what she did. That's why she doesn't want it to ever come out. Nat neither. I was serious when I said in their eyes, the reader's offense is worse than Nat's. The reader's betrayal is bigger than Nat's. The reader knows she fucked up so bad and it's why she'll never tell the truth about that night unless she's literally forced to because doing so won't make anything easier. It'll just make things a hell of a lot worse

Okay whew! Because I love commenting and I know sometimes I get carried away with my opinions as if I wouldn’t be a mess in this world. I would be doing so much worse than her, and she’s actually holding up really well considering. Every time I think I would be angry in her shoes I remember them boys killing her friends in cold blood and I calm right down. She’s doing well in such a confusing and awful situation.

But back to the conversation, I do understand her side better now, I just feared that Natasha would rather be punished than have it come out that she was pregnant so I was living by that possibility. But I get that the reader felt guilty and wanted to do her best to help her friend in anyway she could, especially since she knows she’s barely eating. But it’s sad that just the chance occurrence that the reader was looking out the window at that very moment will cause so much pain for the both of them. Because I know I joked about snitching but I wouldn’t be able to do that either. And now she’ll pay just for looking out the window and letting a victim escape her abuser.

But I seriously find it so wild that watching the crime is worse than doing it. Natasha runs away but the reader letting her is the real offense? These men are so twisted. Otherwise they would understand why no woman would want to expose the other women like that. They forget that all of these ladies are unwilling participants and in theory they should all be happy if a wife gets away and comes back with help. That’s how broken their minds are because how would you expect her to tell on her friend just for wanting freedom? And I think I did assume he would be more lenient but with the way you phrase it, it makes sense that the information should never get out, although it will anyways. Poor reader. It’s not even like she plotted to help, it was purely coincidence that she saw Nat leaving.

Yes to them, Nat running is only a big deal because she's done so after literal years. She's tried before and they expect it of all the wives when they first take them because why wouldn't they? They're always prepared for it within the first year but Nat has been there for so long and Bucky deluded himself into thinking she was fully settled and he had her completely under his thumb so she'd never run. Even still, a wife making a run for it? Horrible and inconvenient, but not something unheard of nor something they haven't dealt with before.

Reader on the other hand? Reader not telling is a big sign to show where her loyalties lie and it's not with her husband or any of the other men but the wives. Especially Nat. Reader is dangerous now. Because if any of the other wives want to try to escape or hell, want to hurt their husband, the reader isn't going to say anything. Nat accomplished much on her own, but what could she have accomplished if she had help? Nat running only put herself in danger, but in not telling, it shows that the reader is willing to put her wellbeing on the line just to help another wife against her husband and that's a mindset they can't tolerate. Even when she told Peter about the pregnancy, it could've gone so bad for her. Peter could've punished her like Steve would and he would've been "in the right to". He could've told Bucky immediately, put her on blast for the whole household and it's why while I get feeling for Nat who may or may not be pregnant and who may or may not want Bucky to know, the reader really essentially threw herself under the bus just for the chance to keep Nat from being physically hurt

#asks

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make-me-your-animal · 1 year

Text

Chapter 3: sluts

" I can't believe you two." Bex scolded the two girls and their companions sitting across the table from her. How they thought they would get away with going down to breakfast in the state they were in and get away with it was beyond bexs knowledge. Gemma was wearing one of phils shirts and shorts. The shirt was too short on the girls lanky frame and showed most of her lower stomach as she stretched her arms over her head.

"Do we have to do this over Breakfast" he groaned resting her head on phils shoulder. The tank top he wore showed off the now deep purple lovebite. Gemma couldn't resist herself and made a show of kissing the mark.

Bex ignored her completely. "Well I could believe and expect this behavior out of Gemma but you 'maya?"

"Do not scold her for this!" Gemma argued. "I've never been more proud of anyone in my life they were at it until like 4 am "

"How do you know that?!" Steve ,who was previously quietly picking at his shirt, exclaimed.

"We have ears mate" phil sighed.

"If I hear another word out of you two your band will have to find a new set of terror twins"

"Ah damn, Did we miss the start of the threatening" Joe asked with sav and rebel trailing a few feet behind chatting about God only knows what.

Gemma shrugged gesturing at Bex with a peice of fruit she stole from phils plate in hand. " shes threatening. Were trying to enjoy breakfast" she popped the peice of cantaloupe into her mouth. Phil and steve remained quiet suddenly becoming very interested in their feet.

"We are the supporting act not the headliners bedwarmers" Bex insisted her hands flying around her as she spoke. Sav and rebel grabbed a cup of tea each and sat down.

"Technically speaking he was my bedwarmer last night" Amaya muttered at the same time as Gemma mumbled "diffrent type of support."

"You two are ridiculous" Bex sighed. "I forbid you from sleeping with them again"

"I'm 21 you can't tell me what to do" Gemma stated outraged with the order. "We aren't your children"

"Do you want it to look like the only reason we got on this tour was because we whored ourselves out? It'll be on the cover of every magazine. Watch itll be something like 'up and coming all girl rock band on tour with def leppard but did their music really land them the spot on the bill?' "

"Jesus christ" Gemma sighed. She was starting to get a headache.

"It's a big deal gem-"

"No it's not!" She snapped loudly causing phil to jump. "Your just pissed that we can trust men and you can't. I like phil and I think Amaya likes Steve and i know for a fact Harper likes Joe. Why not let us have this "

"Harper likes me?" Joe asked more to himself then anyone else as he stole the toast off of Steve's plate.

"Yes! You idiot" Gemma and Bex shouted at the same time.

" we aren't bad guys" phil stated.

"You guys are known for using women"

"To be fair we are known for using men" Rebel said sipping her tea. When bex shot her a glare she raised her hands in surrender. She felt alittle bad for the men but not bad enough to put herself in the crossfires.

What if you get hurt?"

"Then we'll cut their balls off and feed them to piranhas." Gemma grinned as phil crossed his legs.

"No we will be adults about it and move on" Amaya corrected her freind making all the men at the table alittle more comfortable. Not comfortable enough to uncross their legs.

"What if you fall in love with them and decide being a rockstars wife is better then being a Rockstar"

"Oh please" Amaya stated. "We aren't going to give up on music because we found some decent dick. No offense" she added quickly kissing Steve cheek.

"None taken"

"What if-"

"Bex enough. If they hurt us then you can kill them" Gemma bargained. "Let us have our fun okay? Just see what happens fair enough"

Silence spread around the corner and all eyes fell on Bex. "Alright fine do as you'd like" she sighed in defeat. "Thank God i can atleast trust one of you " she said looking at rebel who glanced at sav then smirked.

"In my defence it was really easy. You were too busy worrying about everyone else you didn't even realize I wasn't in our room last night"

"sluts absolutely all of you are sluts"

"What did we miss" Harper stated as her and Rick joined their bandmates.

"Please for the love of god tell me you didn't shag"

"What? No of course not" Harper exclaimed her brow furrowing.

"Sav seemed alittle occupied last night so Harper offered me to stay in her room considering she had a double room to herself. Why?"

"Your bandmates are whores"

"Joe or phil?" Rick asked.

"I'm. Innocent" Joe insisted.

"Only because your more dense then concrete." Gemma added.

"Why does everytime the word slut come about I'm to blame What did phil do? Who did phil do? How many did phil do? Why aren't we talking about Steve? I lost good hours of sleep because of him last night. Proud of you mate " he clapped his terror twin on the back. "Now I need to go take a shower before we get on the bus. Care to join me?" He grinned down offering his hand to Gemma. She took it letting him pull her up next to him leaning down to press a soft kiss against his lips.

"This is why!" Steve exclaimed, but his words landed on deaf ears as they were already headed towards the elevator hand in hand. "I don't think phils ever invited the same girl back into his room. It must have been a good night"

"I was thinking the same thing when I saw he was letting her cuddle up to him and eat his food" sav added.

"I think phil might have just found his soul mate" Rick grinned as the elevator closed blocking their veiw from the couple not before they all got a show of them kissing.

"Funny.. I was gonna say the same thing about Gem" Amaya stated.

"So, does anyone want to fill us in on the events of last night?" Harper asked, taking the half eaten peice of toast from Joe.

#def leppard fan fiction #def leppard fanfic #phil collen #joe elliott #rick savage #rick allen #steve clark

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