#it has always been like this and it happens in all seasons
Note
i hope this is how to send a request cuz this is my first time requesting anything. but i wanted to ask if you could do a story of spencer x reader of when he comes back home from prison in season 12? i don't know if i want it to be girlfriend and boyfriend or if they're married i don't really know, sorry. but i don't really mind either way. hope you can write something like this, thank you :))) <333
tysm for trusting me with your first request and sorry this took so long, it's also kind of rushed and I'm not too confident with it but I hope you like it <3
Home is whenever I’m with you
Category: angst, hurt, comfort, gn reader ~1.7k words
He’s back. Your boyfriend is back. There's a tangle of nerves in the pit of your stomach at the mere thought of seeing him again, especially after all that’s happened. You get to hug him, to kiss him, to feel the softness of his thick, beautiful hair under your fingers again.
But not now. His mother is missing. Those are the words Emily spoke to you over the phone after she called to let you know he’s released. It’s ironic, to hear such wonderful news just to be followed by something so disheartening. And the guilt creeps in, that nagging feeling that maybe, just maybe, if you had gone to visit his mom as planned, this nightmare could've been avoided.
“Do not blame yourself,” Emily adds, her voice is a lifeline in the chaos of emotions. It's as if she can read your thoughts, know exactly what you're feeling without you saying a word. “Just stay where you are, okay? I've got agents keeping an eye on your building. I'll keep you updated."
You're left with no choice but to accept. Your boyfriend may be back, but you still can’t see him.
And you get it. His mom comes first, always has, and always will. A child's love for their parents is unbreakable, and if you were in his shoes, you'd move heaven and earth to keep your parents safe. So, naturally, you do what any loving and supportive girlfriend would do—you wait.
And wait. And wait. And wait. Each passing second stretches into agonizing minutes, and those minutes drag on into long, uncertain hours. One skipped meal turns into two, and suddenly, you're lying in bed in the dead of night with an empty stomach. You know you should take care of yourself, but your mind is fixated on him.
What is he doing? Has he eaten anything? Is he taking breaks at all? Has he managed to get any sleep? And most importantly, has there been any news about his mom?
Your mind is racing, flooded with countless unanswered questions. You try to find comfort in sleep, but every ring of your phone feels like a cruel interruption, each time hoping it's him—or at least a word from his friends. But it's always a disappointment, just meaningless notifications and distant messages from your friends about mundane plans.
Eventually, exhaustion overtakes you, but your sleep is restless, it's as if your mind refuses to grant you a moment of respite. Then, in the quiet hours of the night, at two in the morning, you're jolted awake by the familiar sound of a new message on your phone.
His mom is safe.
A sigh of relief escapes you, almost audible in the silence. You type out a response to Emily with trembling hands.
That’s good to hear. Is he fine?
Not great, but he's managing.
That's all you need to hear. His mom is safe, and though he's not doing great, he's managing well enough. With a weight lifted off your shoulders, you finally allow yourself to relax. At least now you can drift back into sleep knowing that he's partially okay.
You wake up again later that night by a rapid knocking. At first, you try to brush it off as just noise from the neighbors, but as you slowly come to your senses, you realize it's coming from your apartment.
Half-worried and half-curious, you reluctantly peel yourself from the comfort of your bed, your mind racing with possibilities as you approach the door. When you glance through the peephole, you're met with a sight that instantly jolts you awake. Without a second thought, you fumble with the lock and swing the door open.
And there your boyfriend stands, but he's a far cry from the man you remember. His hair is wild and unkempt, and his eyes, usually bright and lively, are now dull and tired, shadowed by exhaustion. He's dressed in his usual suit and tie, a combination you've always admired for its professional and polished look. But today, his shirt is half-tucked, half-untucked, and his tie hangs loosely around his neck
“Spence, what are you—”
Before you can finish, he bursts through the door, wrapping his arms tightly around you.
"I'm sorry," he breaks, his voice strained with emotion. "I—I wanted to come here as fast as I can—"
“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” You wrap your arms around his waist and take in a deep breath. Despite his disheveled appearance, he smells exactly as you remember—warm, familiar, like home. “It’s all good, honey, I don’t mind.”
“It’s not alright. I should’ve answered your calls—”
“Spencer, it’s okay,” you interrupt gently, running your fingers soothingly down his back. “After all the time you’ve been away, a few more hours hardly matter.”
“Well, it should matter,” he mumbles against your skin, his voice muffled as he buries himself in the crook of your neck. “I shouldn’t have left you like this.”
You hold him tighter, feeling his weight against you, his breath warm against your skin. “Shh,” you murmur, rubbing his back in comforting circles. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.”
He nods against your neck, his grip on you tightening as if he's afraid to let go.
“How’s your mom?”
He lifts his head slightly, meeting your gaze with tired eyes. “She’s... she’s okay,” he replies. “We found her. She’s safe now.”
You exhale a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, relief flooding through you. “I’m glad to hear that,” you say, cupping his cheek gently. “Are you okay?”
He hesitates for a moment as if considering the question carefully. “I’m fine, just… tired.”
Your fingers traced the lines of exhaustion etched on his face. “Let’s get you inside and comfortable, okay?”
He nods, and you usher him inside, relief flooding through you as you close the door behind you. Your fingers naturally intertwine with his as you guide him towards your bedroom.
“Do you want anything? Water, food?”
He shakes his head, falling into step with you. “Maybe later,” he murmurs, squeezing your hand. “How have you been?”
"Well," you begin, your voice filled with warmth. "'I've been keeping busy while you're gone.”
You lead him to the edge of the bed, sitting him down while you stand between his legs, your eyes meeting his tired gaze. "Work has been... work," you say with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood. “And I managed to put up the shelf I bought online. Look.”
You gesture towards the bookshelf nestled in the corner of the room and he follows your gaze. “You did that all by yourself?”
"Yeah, I did," you reply, your smile widening. "It wasn't easy without having you constantly nagging me how to do it, but I figured it out."
He nods, a hint of regret shadowing his features. “I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you.”
You shake your head, moving closer to him and placing a comforting hand on his cheek. "Don’t apologize.”
He leans into your touch, his gaze meeting yours with a vulnerability that tugs at your heartstrings. His eyes, wide and brown, look up at you, and you can’t help but compare him to a puppy—sad, yet undeniably endearing, with an innocence that melts your heart. You brush a thumb gently across his cheek, noting the subtle change in his appearance.
“You grew out your facial hair.”
A faint blush colors his cheeks as he shifts under your gaze. "Yeah, I guess I did," he replies, his voice tinged with self-consciousness.
You can't help but smile at his bashfulness. "I like it," you assure him. "It suits you."
“Really?”
“It’s growing on me.”
His expression softens at your words, a warmth spreading through his tired features. "Maybe I'll keep it.”
You nod in agreement, a smile playing on your lips as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer. He sighs contentedly as he leans into your chest, and you gently stroke his hair, soothing him with your touch.
"It's good to be back," he murmurs, his voice muffled against your shirt.
"It's good having you back," you reply softly, brushing a strand of his hair away from his face.
“I thought I was never going to see you again.”
"Why would you think that?”
He hesitates for a moment. "After everything that happened... I wasn't sure if I'd make it back to you.”
You gently tilt his chin up, meeting his gaze. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that.”
His eyes glisten with unshed tears as he nods, his vulnerability laid bare. "I was also afraid that I might lose you,” he adds. “I was afraid you’d get tired of waiting for me.”
“Oh, honey…”
“Everyone I care for always leaves, sooner or later. And I can’t bear the thought… the thought of not coming home without you in my life,” he admits, his voice trembling with emotion and you feel a lump form in your throat as you listen. "I feel… so different right now. I don’t feel like my usual self, and I-I was afraid you wouldn’t like this version of me.”
You pull back slightly, cupping his face in your hands, your gaze locked with his. "I would never think any less of you.”
He sniffs, and that's when you notice a tear escaping down his cheek. Your heart aches even more. “I might not be the same person you last saw me.”
You shake your head, brushing away his tears with your thumb. "It doesn't matter," you reply earnestly. “You're still the person I fell in love with, and nothing will ever change that.”
He looks at you in disbelief, as if he can't quite comprehend how you could love him so unconditionally. "How can you be so sure?"
"Because I see you," you reply. "Beyond the surface, beyond the changes, I see who you are—the kindness, the strength, the love that has always been a part of you. And that's something that remains unchanged, no matter what."
He exhales softly, his features softening as he absorbs your words. But you aren’t finished, not until he realizes how worthy of love he is.
“You’re still the man who loves silly magic tricks, you’re still the man who asks for jello every time we have dessert,” you tease, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of your lips. He cracks a small smile at your playful words. “You’re still the man who loves books, who loves learning. You're still the man who loves helping other people.”
You lean closer, your breath mingling with his as your lips almost touch.
“And I’ll be the one to love every version of you,” you whisper. “The person you were, the person you are, and the person you're becoming.”
He grips your hips and pulls you closer. Without a word, you understand what he needs, what he's asking for, and you close the distance between you, your lips brushing against his.
You never truly understand the meaning of bittersweet until this very moment. His tears carry the saltiness of sorrow, but his lips offer a sweetness that lingers on your tongue. You feel the weight of his pain, the heaviness of his grief, yet you also sense a comforting warmth in the way his lips move gently against yours.
You can feel his uncertainty, and it’s clear that getting back into his old routine won't be easy after everything he's been through. But you’re here for him and you're willing to support him in any way you can.
Because he’s back. Your boyfriend is back. You can hardly believe you get to hug him, kiss him, and run your fingers through his thick, beautiful hair once more. You can’t believe you get to hold him again in your arms, and you hope to do so for a very long time.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid angst#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid fanfic#criminal minds fanfic#spencer x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fic#criminal minds
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# IMGONNAGETYOUBACK
pairing: paige bueckers x ex-gf/iowa!reader
word count: 4880
warnings: suggestive content, arguing
summary: your "rivalry" with a certain uconn blonde has its speculation, but no one knows what happened behind the scenes
from lani: why is every single thing ive posted based off of a song..anyways..hope yall enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it
AS YOU SLIP into your black jersey, adrenaline courses through your veins. you and your teammates have successfully carried iowa to the final four of march madness. you've all come this far and refuse to break the streak.
but similar to your previous game against lsu, there's a lot of speculation surrounding the tension on the court with uconn. people are going crazy over the paige bueckers and caitlin clark face-off, but they’re going even crazier over your own heated interactions with the blonde.
the internet has decided to constantly pit you two against each other after observing your intense taunting and confrontations in previous years. they believe that it’s merely competitive tendencies but they have no idea where it all actually stems from.
you haven’t always been a hawkeye. for your first two years of college, you were a husky through and through. the public knows this, of course, which adds to the stigma around your name. but after a season-ending injury, you decided you needed a change of pace and environment. it was nothing personal against your teammates, coach, or school in general, you just felt like uconn wasn't where you were supposed to be.
so after you were in the transfer portal, everyone went ballistic. there was a plethora of reactions - some encouraging and supportive, others targeted and calling you a "traitor."
that's what the public is aware of. but they have yet to discover the deeper scars.
"you gonna lock in, y/n?" one of your teammates asks from behind you. turning around, you are met with caitlin, the other hawkeye under extremely close observation tonight.
"i gotchu," you smirk, "what about you? you gonna carry the team again?”
"you already know," she says, mirroring your expression. the two of you have gotten very close over the past couple years, which honestly makes the whole paige situation worse as people make comments like "caitlin and y/n versus paige is crazy" or "ready for this 2v1 game tonight!” they piss all three of you off but really just add to the hype and buildup of the game.
soon enough, your coach is ushering all the girls out of the locker room and onto the court. screams and cheers fill your ears as the crowd observes your entrance. and damn, if your ego wasn't high before, it definitely was now.
the two sides of the arena were filled, one side a sea of navy and white, the other a myriad of gold and black. music blasts from the speakers and makes the walls shake with energy. as you make your way over to the bench, you raise your arms repeatedly to get the crowd going. gaining an immediate reaction, you smile big and put your hand to your ear to play into the praise.
your teammates shake their heads at your antics. they know how competitive you can get. you tend to interact with the crowd and cameras a lot, but no one (especially fans at home) complains.
the crowd before you quiets down for a split second as you focus back onto what your coaches are saying in the huddle. suddenly you hear echoes of booing and other taunts as everyone turns around to see the uconn girls run out excitedly. the last one to come out is none other than paige bueckers, blonde hair in her signature braids and ponytail immediately catching your eye.
part of the reason people always compare you to her is because of how similar you are. your game style, skill set, and energy has always resembled the husky's, but you never understood it until she does the exact same hand motions you did but to the uconn supporters.
as she turns away from the crowd, her eyes dart around to find yours, doing so in a matter of seconds. her icy blue eyes sending a chill down your spine and she hold intense contact. fuck. she knows exactly what she's doing.
you can tell from the few seconds your eyes are glued to hers that she still wants you. you just know. there's too much emotion behind the stare, saying everything that needs to be said and more.
coach bluder gives the run-down on defensive assignments quickly and explains some of the plays. somehow, by some force of nature, you're stuck guarding the one person you were conflicted with: number 5, paige bueckers.
your teammates all turn to you as soon as the words leave your coach's mouth. they are well aware of your special history with the blonde as well as your complicated relationship now.
"you got that, y/n?" caitlin asks you.
"yeah," you shrug, "you don't have to worry about me. i'm good." and you meant it. you were sick of being compared to paige all the time and were ready to show people who's better.
did you still care for the girl? of course; you always have and always will. but will you let that get in the way of your winning streak? hell no.
the referee beckons each team to the center of the court for the tip-off. hannah sets herself up for the jump ball, standing across from aaliyah edwards on uconn's side.
you confidently walk over to where paige is standing. your eyes meet hers once again as you wordlessly dap her up, offering a civil front. you already know you'll being seeing the clip on your feed a lot tomorrow morning.
despite the cordial interaction, your mind is running wild at the feel of paige's long fingers brushing against yours. you missed her like crazy, but were also upset with her for multiple different reasons. right now you were enemies, opponents, rivals. but in a few hours after the game? well you would have to wait and see.
the ref throws the ball in the air and aaliyah manages to get her fingers on the ball first to swat in her teammates' directions. uconn almost immediately turns it over due to paige missing kk's pass as the ball goes out of bounds. it's just too easy.
------
the buzzer sounds loudly, signaling the end of the second quarter and halftime. you and your teammates jog to the locker room, sweaty and out of breath. the score was currently 32-26 with uconn in the lead.
you had to admit, that definitely wasn't your team's best first half but you were ready to come back twice as hard.
"c'mon guys," lisa yells, "we gotta seriously up our game right now and fight against their defense. keep giving them as many fouls as possible.
"caitlin, we're gonna try to give you more threes, so everyone else, if caitlin has the ball set those screens, got it?"
you all nod wordlessly as you pay attention to her words. your coach turns to you, looking you directly in the eye, her stare deadly.
"y/n, you gotta push bueckers more, don't direct all your focus on getting cait the ball. really use that energy that i know you have."
"yeah i hear you," you pant as you wipe your forehead with a towel.
one of the coaching assistants hands you a waterbottle, so you immediately squeeze the ice cold water into your mouth without putting the nozzle on your lips. it's a habit that you have whenever you're in a rush or busy thinking about something.
"and one more thing, y/n," you hear your coach call you before you make your way back on the court, "please, for the love of god, leave your emotions out of it tonight."
the words shoot a prick in your chest, not expecting such a direct statement. nonetheless, you nod firmly, agreeing with her as you jog to where your team is lingering.
you may or may not have had a few...touchy altercations with a certain number 5.
like in the middle of the first quarter...
------
"bueckers with the lay-up, does she get it? no! it is rebounded by l/n!"
your hands grasp the ball tightly under the net but before you can make your way over to the opposite side of the court, another set of hands on the ball stops you.
you look up to see paige also grabbing the ball as it sits in your hands, starting to fight to get it in her possession. with the two of you pulling back and forth, the refs whistle blows to put an end to the quarrel.
however, you two continue to push until one of your teammates wraps their arms around you to pull you off. walking away, you laugh, energized by the interaction. you put your hands up in surrender as kate releases you from her grip.
you turn your head back around to see that paige has also been forcefully pulled away by one of her own teammates with a similar expression on her face, clearly as equally as fired up as you.
------
and the middle of the second quarter...
------
"THREEEEEEE! Y/N L/N!"
you flex your arms and let out a proud yell. it's your 4th score of the night and you feel amazing. your teammates clamor over to you, patting you on your back and bumping you with their chests.
paige failed to block your attempt, putting her arms up and jumping but not being able to reach the ball before it falls in the net.
seeing her tough front falter for a second, you point a finger to her just to spice up the game a little more and get the crowd really going. she shakes her head and chuckles darkly, waving you off with a hand.
"did you see that? bueckers and l/n back at it again with their supposed rivalry, what a dynamic duo, am i right?"
------
time flies rapidly as the clock runs down. it's the last quarter of the game and tensions are at an all time high. with less than 10 seconds left, iowa has the lead 71-69. it's way too close for comfort.
everyone's on edge. the announcers narrating the game for folks at home, coaches, benched teammates, the audience on either side of the court.
when uconn forces a turnover, you stand out of bounds waiting to pass the ball in. 1.1 on the clock. paige stands with her back to you. no one could've predicted your next move.
you take advantage of her guard let down and quickly bounce the ball off of her, chopping the time in half as she fails to catch it in time and lets it out of bounds once again.
you feel a second of remorse once you catch the defeated look on her face. but you couldn't let the game slip out of your hands that easily. not without a fight.
less than one second on the clock, there's no way for uconn to win. caitlin passes the ball to gabbie who simply throws it high in the air to run down the clock.
the buzzer sounds as you and your teammates run into a group hug, screaming and cheering. you have a small celebration before going to the handshake line. as you pass and commend the uconn coaches and players, you allow your fingers to linger on paige's for a second longer than others.
when she meets your eyes there’s a look of hurt apparent in them, yours filled with guilt. you know how important that game was to her, to her entire collegiate career. but this game was also important to you, she had to know that.
------
your teammates insisted on celebrating at a nearby bar and restaurant, feeling high off the recent victory.
you were obviously down to go with them, but decided to take a little extra time in the locker room showers just to get some peace and quiet to yourself. you tell the girls that you'll catch up in your own car.
so now you're changing into a fresh set of clothes in a dim, empty locker room. some people might find the setting eerie but you enjoy the stillness of it all, especially after the day you've had.
you’re wearing a basic white crop top and a muted purple skirt, a thick black leather jacket draped over your shoulders to protect yourself from the cold evening air. as you grab your backpack and make your way out to the gym’s parking lot, you spot a familiar figure wandering around aimlessly.
of fucking course i'm left here with her, you think.
you let out an irritated sigh as you continue to rub a small towel against your head to dry your hair.
the sound of your shoes against the pavement catches paige's attention and causes her to turn around. when she observes your relaxed, freshly showered figure, her chest tightens. whether it's from hatred or attraction, she doesn't know.
"hey," she yells to you, stalking over.
you look up to her direction and laugh, "you look like a lost puppy, bueckers."
"damn," she says, "first you decide to beat me and now you're insulting me and calling me by my last name? way to kick me when i'm down, y/n.”
you try not to display how flustered you feel when she says your name like that, “i didn't decide to beat you, i just did. deal with it."
"attitude much? i'm just tryna be civil, ma, no need for the hostility."
that fucking nickname.
"did you need something from me? i'm just tryna meet up with the team so spit it out."
"you heading to the bar?"
"yes," you say skeptically, "how the hell do you know that?"
"i'm heading there too, dumbass," she replies.
"what the hell are you talking about?"
"your team invited mine to hangout," of course they did, "is that a problem?"
"might be," you respond shortly, "so why are you here if the rest of your team is at the bar?"
"i could ask you the same question, l/n," she mocks the way you say her last name.
"i asked you first."
"eager to hear me talk i see." before you can reject the idea she interrupts you, “it’s okay, i know how much you love my voice."
she's not wrong, of course, but you would never admit it to her face. you ignore the question with a roll of your eyes.
"i took a longer shower than everyone else,” you shrug, “told 'em i'll just meet them there. your turn."
she laughs nervously before answering, “uh, i was supposed to get a ride from azzi but i guess she forgot," she says as she looks around the empty parking lot. now it's your turn to tease her.
"that's crazy," you laugh and shake your head, "your own friends don't even wanna be around you."
"man, shut up," she scoffs.
there's a beat of silence before you begin to walk to your car, getting the hint that the conversation was over.
you hear paige groan behind you before asking, "yo..do you think you could give me a ride?"
the nerve.
"excuse me?" you say incredulously as you unlock your car door and slip into the driver's seat. the blonde jogs up to your car, resting an arm on the frame of your door. you become hyper aware of how close you are, and how good she looks.
for the first time since you started talking to her, you take in her appearance. she's wearing a light blue cropped tank top, almost like a sports bra, and dark gray distressed jeans. there's a white uconn hoodie in her hands.
the amount of skin exposed makes your body heat up. the way her arms are flexed against your car makes you think back to the many times they've been flexed underneath your weight.
“can i. get. a ride.” she staggers out, like it’s painful to ask you for a favor. you take advantage of her position immediately.
“i dunno, can you?” you smirk.
“i fucking hate you, do you know that?”
“i dunno, do i?”
“dude.”
you throw your head forward in a laugh, shoulders shaking at her irritation.
“you’re so easy to piss off, i love it.”
“yeah well there’s a lot of other things about me that i know you love but we don’t have to talk about that.”
“do you want a ride or not?” you deadpan, “��cause if you’re gonna act like this all night i don’t want you at the bar, bro.”
“‘bro’? that’s what we’ve come to? that’s even worse than just bueckers, y/n.”
“just shut up and get in the car.”
“yes ma’am,” she says with a mock salute as she closes your door and jogs around the front of the car to the passenger seat.
as you turn on the engine, paige settles into the spot next to you and immediately reaches for the aux cord .
“um,” you pause, “what are you doing?”
“blessing you with my awesome music taste? what do you think i’m doing?”
“absolutely not,” you say, “my car, my rules.”
“um, no. the ‘rule’ is that the passenger chooses the playlist while the driver sets up the queue. we’ve been over this.”
“okay but,” you start carefully, “that was when we were together.”
silence.
“so do you want the ‘late night drives’ playlist or the ‘oldies but goodies’ playlist?”
“what?”
“you heard me.”
she brushes over your comment painfully fast. you had no idea why. you refuse to leave it at that.
“can you just put on our playlist?”
more silence. you gotta be kidding me.
“i don’t-“
“don’t even try, paige, i know you still have it.”
“but-“
“don’t fight me on this. all i want is to celebrate with my team and get a drink so can you please hurry up so we can go?”
“shit,” you hear her say under her breath, “yeah.” she pushes her hips forward as she gets comfortable in the seat.
your eyebrows furrow at the reaction. this girl is so fucking complicated. you weren’t sure if you wanted to curse her out or take her right there.
———
“y/n!! you made it!” jada squeals as you walk into the bar, “and…paige? wait. are you two back together??”
“hell no.”
“definitely not.”
you and paige turn to each other.
“oookayy..” jada trails as she pulls you away from the blonde in the direction of where your team was sat.
the girls cheer your name as you take a seat next to caitlin. you can tell they’ve already had at least 2 drinks each.
“hey,” caitlin says with a warm smile, “you got some catching up to do. let’s go get you a drink.”
she ushers you to the bar where you are able to sit and observe the environment. the venue is fairly dark, the ceiling lights dimmed to a warm hue with a few candles on each table. the stools at the bar were a cold metal that gave you goosebumps. all the table booths have dark brown leather couches one side and wooden chairs with intricate designs on the other.
“so,” caitlin starts after she’s ordered you a drink, lord knows what it was, “i saw you and paige walk in together. that mean anything?”
“please,” you scoff, “i’m done with her, cait, like seriously.” she stays silent, waiting for you to continue, “i mean, she’s so annoying and cocky and confusing, it’s exhausting - i hate her.”
“you sure about that?”
“yes.”
“then why do you still put up with her?”
“what do you mean?”
“i mean,” she says as the bartender delivers two of the same drink, one for you and one presumably for caitlin, “just stop talking to her. ignore her.”
you pause to think. “but she’s always the one starting these dumbass petty fights.”
“then don’t answer her?”
“i have to.”
“and why is that?” she eggs you on, sipping on her drink.
“because,” you sigh, “i can’t let her win.”
“or,” caitlin smirks as the two of you get up to head back to your table, “you still like being around her.”
“as if.”
“okay. tell me this then - why do you two still smile at each other like nothing has changed?”
“we almost never see them, cait.”
“no, i know but…i saw the way you looked at her today. and i saw the way you looked at her when we played them in sophomore year. you still like her, y/n.”
you two have returned to your seats with the rest of the team. you find yourself looking for a particular blonde (again) across the room. the uconn girls were sitting at a similar table to the one you were currently at, just on the other side of the bar.
to your relief, caitlin drops the conversation to engage in one with kate about the game. you quietly sip on your drink as you continue to stare at paige. she’s smiling - laughing - with azzi and aaliyah. you missed them. you missed her. you didn’t acknowledge it until now, until caitlin knocked some sense into you. you did enjoy being around her, mainly because it reminded you of how it was before you transferred to iowa. even though your conversations consist of constant jabs and insults, it was better than radio silence.
but you also hated it. you hated how you couldn’t be with her like you used to. you hated how you left. you hated how she treated you when you left. you hated how she acted like nothing happened. that’s why you have to win every time you’re up against her - literally and figuratively.
paige scored 4 three-pointers in a game? you score 5. paige got 6 rebounds? you got 7. paige had 8 assists? you had 9. it wasn’t just for yourself, it was for the media. with how they constantly have a magnifying glass on your life, you can’t jeopardize your career. so you have to be better than her.
your jaw clenches at the thought of the pressure, the expectation. you down the rest of your way too light cocktail and make your way back to the bar for a stronger drink.
“hey,” you say to the bartender, “can i get a sex on the beach, please?” he nods with a polite smile as he walks away to make your order.
“still rockin with those?” you hear an all-too-familiar voice say.
“if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” you mutter, not bothering to turn to her.
she scoffs. what is her problem now? you think.
“you’re so damn predictable,” she laughs, “it’s hilarious.”
“at least i’m reliable,” you retort, “when’s the last time you had any stability in your life?”
“when i was with you,” she says immediately.
that makes you turn your head. you are greeted with paige’s cold eyes and an unreadable expression.
“what are you doing, paige? what are we doing?” you sound exhausted.
“you tell me. i never got a good explanation when you…left.”
“i tried. you wouldn’t let me. didn’t think you wanted to hear from me after our last conversation.”
“don’t pin this on me,” she says pointedly, “you left me.”
“i didn’t have a choice, paige, you have to understand that.”
“but did you have to leave me? you know we could’ve worked it out.”
“could we have?”
she sighs. the conversation has elevated quickly. you didn’t expect her to open up like this now, to bring all of this up now. maybe it was the ambient atmosphere or the influential alcohol, or both. the man behind the bar sets your drink down on a small napkin in front of you, but you decide against going back to your table.
“so…” she says quietly, “have you been seeing anyone? i know how the fans like to twist shit, but is any of it true?”
“wouldn’t you like to know,” you laugh.
“hey, i’m just tryna gauge where you’re at right now. scope out the competition, you know how it is.”
“‘scope out the competition’?”
she shrugs.
“have you been seeing anyone?”
“have you heard that i’m seeing anyone?”
god, this girl could not give a simple answer to save her life. but two can play that game.
“maybe i have. maybe i haven’t. and maybe i’ve seen you with a certain husky named azzi?” you have no clue where you got this idea knowing damn well that they’re nothing more than friends.
“and what if i am? you jealous, ma?” they’re nothing more than friends…right?
“hilarious.”
“that’s not a no.”
“no, it’s not..” you mumble under your breath, turning away from her to avoid her burning stare.
“good.” what the hell is this girl getting at? her avoidant yet suggestive responses set something off in you. “you never answered my question.”
“i am with someone,” you lie through your teeth, wanting to get a reaction out of her.
her breath hitches, “who?” her tone is targeted with a hint of…anger?
“why do you care? you’re with azzi right?”
“i never said that.”
“but you didn’t deny it,” you point out, using her own tactics.
“i am now. i’m not with her. so who are you with?”
“i don’t need to tell you anything.”
“so you’re not with anyone?” she laughs. this girl.
“i am.”
“then tell me.”
“no.”
“fine. be like that,” and suddenly she’s pulling you up from the barstool and into a poorly-lit hallway.
“where are we going?” you demand as you two turn a corner, the only light is the distant hue from the main part of the bar.
“we need to talk about this.”
“talk about what?”
“this,” she motions between the two of you as she pushes you against a wall, one strong arm preventing you from leaving.
“there’s nothing to talk about.”
“i’m not gonna let you keep dodging this, y/n. you left me to go to whole different state with no explanation whatsoever.”
“because you ghosted me first! what was i supposed to do?”
“we were supposed to work it out. remember? when we were teammates on and off the court?”
“you shut me out.”
“because, y/n,” she sighs deeply, “i knew i couldn’t handle it if i had to say goodbye to you. i would’ve-“ she stops herself.
“you would’ve what?”
after about 10 seconds of silence, she whispers, “i would’ve begged you not to go - not to leave me.”
your eyes shoot to hers, but she’s looking down at the floor. her head is almost resting against yours as you observe her adamant yet vulnerable state. you’ve never seen her like this.
from what you’ve seen online, paige seemed to have the time of her life after you transferred. you assumed that she moved on so easily, so quickly. you didn’t consider that it was all just a front.
“paige,”
“what?” she barely gets out, still avoiding your eyes.
“look at me,” she doesn’t, “please.”
her head flies up at that, “what?” she repeats.
you don’t know what to say, you just needed to see her - really see her. her eyes are filled with such clear emotion yet you can’t put your finger on what she was feeling. from her body language you can tell that she misses you. and as you realize you subconsciously put your own hand on her waist, you body is telling you that you miss her too.
you contemplate your next move for a second, questioning if all of this is worth it. but she’s worth it. in the time you’ve spent apart from her, you grew and matured. you also realize that you need her like you need oxygen. you come to the conclusion that you always have, but it took distance and space to accept it.
not wanting to get too in your head, you smash your lips onto hers as your shoulders instantly relax. you feel paige pause but eventually melt into the kiss, moving her hands up to the nape of your neck. you bring your other hand up to her wrist, resting it there as you relish in the feeling of her lips finally against yours after almost two years. you guide her hand down to your thigh as you move to grasp her shoulders. she glides over your upper thing, riding up your lilac skirt.
she breaks the kiss for a moment, “i’ve always loved you in purple.”
before she can resume the heated kiss, you push against her and observe your surroundings. to your left is the open area you just came from, all your friends oblivious to your activities. all the way down to your right is a door leading out to the back lot and a closer door - presumably a supply closet.
you weigh out your options: do you want to stop the interaction completely, drag her into your car all the way outside, or simply shove her into the closet and have your way with her?
smirking up at her, you pull her into the closet as she laughs at your desperation but follows you nonetheless.
yes, there were still broken pieces in your relationship. yes, you have always claimed to hate each other. but no, you weren’t leaving without her, even if you had to use handcuffs.
she was never not yours, and you were never not hers.
#leilanihours#paige bueckers#paige buckets#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers fluff#paige bueckers smut#uconn#university of iowa#wbb#ncaa#ncaaw#wnba#march madness#taylor swift#imgonnagetyouback#ttpd#tortured poets#the tortured poets department#wlw#writing#Spotify
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the alchemy || joe burrow x reader
description: why fight a feeling that is so strong? sometimes things are meant to be and you should let things fall into place. the transformation of something dull and broken into gold is hard to ignore, and you shouldn’t ignore it :)
a/n: another request! i love this song soo much so i hope you all enjoy! for the purposes of this fic, this takes place after their first superbowl appearance and after joe sprains his mcl.
also another flashback heavy fic because of the song 🤍
warnings: language, angst, allusions to sex
word count: 10k (dang she’s a long one)
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Have you ever experienced something that happens once every few lifetimes? When those chemicals just hit you like white wine and make you drunk on the feeling. The feeling you get when you’re with the right person, that unbreakable connection, that intense and passionate love? That’s what you feel with Joe. Anyone in your position would hang onto that for as long as they could, and never let go. And you were, but something scared you and caused you to pull away.
Flashback to a few weeks ago
You and Joe were lying on the couch, wrapped up in each other’s arms, and watching a movie. You were wearing one of his hoodies and leaning against his chest. His arm was wrapped around your shoulder and your head was tucked under it. You guys were having some downtime together and were trying to squeeze in as much as you could before the football season started in a few weeks.
You looked up at him and saw the content look on his face, and it was all because of you. He looked comfortable for the first time in a long time. A lot was riding on this season, and Joe was a little overwhelmed with everything going on, but you were there to help him every step of the way.
“How ya feeling?” You asked your boyfriend.
He looked down at you and smiled, “I feel amazing. A lot better than I have these past few months,”.
You looked into his compelling eyes and could tell he was being truthful. He’d been struggling these past few months with his knee sprain, going to the Superbowl and losing, plus trying to get back to where he was before while trying to block out the outside noise. It had been a rough off-season for him, but one of the highlights had been meeting you early on.
You and Joe had met right after the Super Bowl through mutual friends. When you first met, there was an instant connection, emotionally and physically. It was like pure electricity and heat between you two, something you hadn’t experienced in a while. No matter how hard you tried to deny it and run from it, you couldn’t.
“That’s really great, Joe. I’m so proud of you for pushing through,” you grinned.
“I owe it to you. You really helped me pull through all this these past few months. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said, his hand moving to your cheek.
“Joe,” you said while placing your hand on top of his, wanting to tell him that he got to where he is right now because of his own hard work and dedication. You were just a silent observer to his greatness.
“You’ve done so much for me. These past few months have been a dream. Getting to spend all this time with you has literally been the biggest blessing and a huge reminder that things don’t always have to be so complicated,” he says before leaning down and pressing a kiss to your soft pink lips.
Your relationship with Joe felt pretty easy and relaxed, which was different for you since your previous relationships felt the complete opposite. You were his sanctuary and he was your light at the end of the dark tunnel.
You lean into the kiss for a few seconds before he pulls away. He searches your eyes for a few moments, “I love you,” he says against your lips. It felt like the word stopped and you got punched in the gut when he said those three words. You hadn’t heard those three words in a very long time, and the last person who said those words to you absolutely destroyed you. You had had a few relationships throughout your life, each one worse than the other and it crushed you every time it ended. Your first serious relationship ended because the guy fell out of love. Your next relationship ended because the guy had feelings for someone else. And your last relationship, your longest, ended because he cheated on you multiple times and tried to make it seem like it was your fault, and that was the final blow. He used those three words against you every time, and now those three words came out of Joe’s mouth.
He noticed your startled facial expression and immediately pulled back. “Are you okay?” He asked.
You were frozen. You didn’t know what to say or how to respond to him. It’s not that you didn’t love him, it’s just you were scared that it would happen to you again, and you wouldn’t be able to make it to the other side this time. You fell hard and fast for Joe, meaning if anything happened, it would shatter you beyond the point of return.
“I’m fine,” you lie while moving out of his arms.
“No, you’re not, I can see it. I just screwed things up didn’t I?” He said as he grabbed your hand. His face sported a worried and nervous look.
“No no no, you didn’t. I did,” you say, your heart racing and your face burning. “I can’t say it back,” you whisper as tears fill your eyes.
Joe stayed silent for a few moments as he collected his thoughts. He loved you so much and knew why you couldn’t say it back. It broke his heart that you were scared to say it back. He knew you cared for him and your relationship was going amazingly, but he still tried to do everything he could to make you forget about the others before him. He was trying to undo the damage they had done.
“Y/N-”,
“You deserve to have those three words said to you and I just can’t say it back. You are the most lovable, caring, and thoughtful human I have ever met, and I can’t even say it back?” You say as hot tears slide down your cheeks, feeling absolutely shitty that you were putting him in this position.
“Y/N, listen to me”, he says as he grabs your hands to calm you down. “I don’t care if you can’t say it back right now. I know it’s not easy for you,”.
“But you should care,”.
“But I don’t. I know why you can’t and it’s okay. If you need time, I’m here. I can wait. I will wait,” he soothes.
Your heart broke at the situation. You felt horrible for not being able to say those 3 words to him even though you felt those feelings towards him. He was willing to wait for you, but was he really? Joe could have anyone he wanted, so would he wait for you to make up your mind when he could just move to the next girl? You needed a minute to get yourself together, he didn’t deserve this, especially right before the start of the season.
“I- I just need a minute. I’m so sorry. I’ll text you, but I just need a minute from this,” you said as you got off the couch, collecting your things so you could leave.
Joe gets up, the look on his face makes you want to cry even harder. He lets out a sigh, “That’s okay, I understand. When you’re ready, I’m here,” he says.
You give him a little smile as you pull him in for a hug before walking to the door and leaving his house.
End of flashback
The sounds of football reporters from the TV snapped you back to the present. It was currently Game Day, week 1 to be specific, and you were watching from your couch in your apartment. You should be watching from the Burrow Suite, just like how you and Joe talked about all off-season, but you weren’t, and it broke your heart.
It had been a few weeks since you had seen him, you were constantly replaying the horrible conversation in your head and feeling worse each time. He had texted you a few times to check in, but that was about it. You asked for space and he was giving it to you and you didn’t want to cause any more distress to him, especially since week 1 was right around the corner. You didn’t know how he was feeling, what he was doing, or who he was with. It was driving you insane, but you didn’t need to be filling his space with your mess right now.
You watched the TV carefully as the camera moved back down onto the field, and closer to Joe. He was sitting on the bench in his pre-game gear, seemingly lost in thought as he stared off into space. He turned around and looked up for a few seconds, and that sight alone made your eyes well with tears again.
You knew exactly what he was looking at and who he was looking for. You. He was looking for you in the suite. And here you were, sitting on the couch, alone, while you were supposed to be cheering him on in person. You wiped your eyes and took a few deep breaths. You didn’t want to distract him with your drama, so you understood that this needed to happen. He had to be laser-focused and you were being a distraction.
And he was laser-focused. The Bengals won their first game of the season, 35-17, and Joe absolutely killed it. He didn’t miss a beat and the team was on fire from start to finish. The big smile on his face in his on-field interview calms you down and his post-game presser reassures you that he is doing good, at least for right now.
A few hours later, you were lost in your thoughts. You were pondering whether or not you should send him a text about how great he did in the game. Was it stupid to text him? Did he even care? What if another girl was with him right now doing what you would be doing with him after his game?
“Fuck it,” you mumbled while typing up a little message.
Hey! Watched the game today and you killed it!!! Didn’t miss a single beat, so proud of you!
Remember to elevate your leg with a cushion in case your knee feels a bit off. And also ice it, I think the ice wrap is in the freezer :))
You knew that his knee would probably be a little sore after today's game just like it would be after practice. You had discovered that throughout the off-season after he’d come over to your place after practice every day. You would be the one to help soothe any discomfort he had but since you weren’t there, you had to remind him.
Flashback to June
You were finishing up a project for work until you heard a soft knock on your apartment door. You looked over to the clock which read 3:30, meaning it was probably Joe since he would come over after practice wrapped up for the day. He would usually come over every Wednesday and Friday and sometimes stay the night or end up going back to his house pretty late. When he first started to do this, you asked him if it was too tiring for him since you figured he’d be able to fully unwind and decompress more in the comfort of his own home. But he told you that being with you was his way of relaxing and decompressing.
You hopped off of the barstool and turned off the stove before walking over to the door to let him in. You made some spicy chicken and rice, seasoning everything just as he liked it.
You opened the door and Joe immediately leaped onto you, pulling you in for an intimate hug.
“Hello to you too,” you giggle as you wrap your arms around his large frame.
He lets out a laugh as you lead him back into your apartment, still hugging each other. He uses his foot to kick the door shut and pulls you in closer.
“You’re extra clingy today,” you laugh as you rub his back.
“Mmm, I missed you,” he mumbled against your head, pressing a delicate kiss onto your hair.
“Me too,” you said as you stood on your toes so you could press a kiss to his cheek. You pulled away from each other after a few more moments of being in each other’s arms and Joe’s nose wiggled as a smirk appeared on his face.
“You made my favorite,” he said, immediately recognizing the mouthwatering aroma.
“That I did,” you giggled. “Here, come sit on the couch. You’re probably sore and exhausted,”.
“Ooo, do I get treatment from my sexy nurse today?” He teased as he walked over and collapsed on the couch.
“If sweatpants and an old ass tank top from high school are sexy, then yes,” You grin while moving the cushions to help him elevate his knee.
He stares at you while you help him get cozy, “You don’t have to do all this,”.
“Since you demand to come over after practice, the least I can do is help you get comfy. Don’t want your knee to act up because you didn’t take care of yourself just because you were with me,” you say while moving his leg over to the cushions.
“Does it feel weird?” You look up and ask.
He lets out a sigh, “Yeah, a little,”.
“I’ll grab the ice wrap,” you say as you walk over to the freezer.
“Yes, Ms. Nurse,” he salutes before grabbing the TV remote to turn on an episode of The Office.
“Really funny, Joe,” you say.
A few minutes later, you wrap his knee in the ice wrap and curl up next to him on your couch, your head tucked under his strong arm and his hand sliding up and down your arm. You were playing with the strings of his hoodie and asked, “How was practice?”.
“It was good. I’m feeling and moving a lot better and the knee isn’t so bad. The soreness and weirdness will probably linger for a little bit so I’ll just have to put up with it,”.
“Good thing we got a routine down for taking care of it,” you smile.
“All thanks to you,” he says as he shakes your shoulder.
“You give me too much credit,”.
“Mmm no I don’t. You know exactly what works and what doesn’t work. But I think the biggest remedy is you. You make my life and evenings after practice so much more relaxing. Best medicine and treatment by far,” he says as he looks down into your eyes.
You stare into his baby blues for a few moments before leaning in and capturing his lips in a tender kiss.
“You’re too much, Burrow,” you laugh as you pull away.
“But you can handle me so I can’t be thaaat much,” he smirks.
“What’s with the smirk,” you giggle.
“It’s just that you can handle me in more ways than one,” he says as he moves you into his lap, straddling his hips and chest pressed against his warm skin.
“Dirty, Dirty Mind,” you say as you shake your head. “But you are right, I can handle you in every way possible. Never too much,” you say as you lean back in for another kiss.
End of flashback
You let out a deep breath and quickly turned your phone off so you would stop thinking about it. He probably wouldn’t even answer until tomorrow so why bother thinking about it? You got up off the couch and walked into your kitchen to heat up some leftover pasta and heard a chime come from the living room. You whipped your head around and saw your phone light up. Your eyes widened and you ran back over to the couch to check what it was.
Thank You! And thanks for the reminder. I already have the knee wrapped and my leg elevated. I’m glad you decided to watch. I was hoping you’d make it to the game but I get it
Your shoulders dropped at his text. He wanted you there and you let him down. You didn’t know how to respond to him because you didn’t want to make it worse, so you just decided to send a white heart emoji and turn your phone off.
You moved back onto the couch and fell back into the pillows. A loud exhale escapes your mouth, “What is wrong with me,” you say to yourself.
A few weeks later
It had been a few weeks since the first game of the season. It was currently week 6 and you still hadn’t seen Joe or really talked to him. The Bengals were 2-3 and you knew that was killing Joe and you wanted nothing more than to reassure him that it was going to get better. Like clockwork, the analysts began their ‘is Burrow really as good as people think he is?’ agenda just because he had a few bad games.
To help take your mind off of things, Jess had invited you out for lunch so you were getting ready for that. You were putting on your last bit of jewelry when one of your necklaces on your stand caught your eye. It was the infinity necklace Joe had gifted you for your birthday a few months ago.
Flashback to your birthday (August)
“And here is the last birthday gift,” Joe says as he places a tiny box in your lap.
“Are you sure it’s the last one?” You giggle.
He raises his brow and gives you a look that immediately shuts you up. He had surprised you with quite a few gifts today and many of them were very expensive looking. Each time you told him you didn’t need or want anything, but he clearly had a different idea.
“Okay, Okay,” you retreat, causing him to let out a laugh.
His arm wraps around your shoulder as you open the box. Inside the box was a beautiful diamond infinity necklace. Your eyes widen and your mouth falls open, “Joe, this is so beautiful,” you say as you examine the gorgeous diamonds.
“Only the best for my girl,” he smiles as he squeezes your shoulder.
“You didn’t have to do all this. This must’ve been so expensive,”.
“So what? It’s your birthday and I think this infinity symbol really resonates with how I feel about you,” he says as he picks up the necklace out of the box. “Here, turn around so I can put it on,”.
You turn around and move your hair out of the way. The smile on your face says enough about your emotions. Butterflies filled your belly and your heart was overflowing with adoration. He was so good to you and always made sure you felt valued by him, and he would do anything to show you and seemingly wanted to show you that forever. Infinity. He wanted to be with you for infinity.
End of flashback
You stared at the necklace for a few moments. You hadn’t worn it since the day you freaked out on Joe but you looked at it every day. A silent reminder that he does value you and he does care, but moreover, he adores you. But you couldn’t understand why you couldn’t show him the same love he gave you.
You grabbed the necklace, not overthinking it, and put it around your neck. You then grabbed your stuff and left your apartment so you wouldn’t have time to reconsider wearing it.
A few hours later
“So she told me she couldn’t go because she spilled Juice all over her dress but I think it was because she didn’t want to be around Becca since she started dating her exes best friend,” Jess says as she takes a sip of her lemonade.
“Man, your college friends are really something,” you laugh as you take a bite of your salad.
“Tell me about it,” she smiles.
“So, what’s going on with you and Joe?” She asks straight up. “I see that you’re wearing the necklace,” she points out.
Your smile drops a bit as you take a deep breath. You knew you’d have to talk about it at some point and you really needed to talk about it to someone who you could confide in. Jess was the perfect person. You and her immediately clicked when you first met at a team dinner back in the off-season and have been great friends ever since.
“I don’t know. He told me he loved me and I couldn’t say it back,” you frowned. “And as for the necklace, I don’t really know why I put it on today,”.
“Oh, Y/N,” she says as she reaches for your hand.
“I want to say it back but I’m scared. Joe has the ability to rip me to shreds if things go south and I can’t go through that again. Not after what happened in my last relationship. He’s so perfect and that worries me,” you say.
“Joe isn’t like the others,” Jess says.
“I know, and that’s why I’m confused. I don’t know why I’m being like this. He hasn’t given me a single reason to be this fearful. And I honestly don’t understand why he’s putting up with this. He’s probably better off forgetting about me and moving on with some other girl,”.
“Are you crazy?” She questioned. “Joe hasn’t stopped asking me about you. Every time I see him at the game he’s always asking about you and if you’re doing alright,” she giggles.
“Really?” You say, a little shocked that he thought about you that much, especially on game day.
“Yes, really. Y/N, he loves you. I’ve known Joe for a very long time and I’ve never seen him like this. He’s never been this in love with someone before. You’re special. You bring out the absolute best in him and he does the same for you,”.
“And you're saying there isn’t anyone else that he’ll just go to after he gets bored with me?” You ask.
“Nope. Never was and never will be. You’re the one to beat. You stole his heart. He’s never going to get bored when he has someone special like you in his life,” she winks.
“I think you’re just afraid of getting your heart broken again, and that’s fair. You’ve been through a lot and it can’t be easy to get into it again after going through a really tough and long relationship. But as your friend and as Joe’s friend, you owe it to him and yourself to try. He cares about you more than he cares about anyone, and that says a lot,”.
“The way Joe spent all those months in the off-season trying to win you over was unlike anything we’ve ever seen him do,”
Flashback to March
“He’s here?” you say to Jenna, wide-eyed and slightly nervous.
“Yeah, Dylan invited him,” She giggled. “Be prepared for another round of flirting, he is relentless,”.
Today was your friend Jenna’s birthday dinner. You had become friends at the end of last year when your job transferred you to the Cincinnati branch, and you instantly hit it off and became close friends in a short amount of time. She introduced you to all her friends and you became a part of their big group and that also meant becoming friends with her fiancee’s friends. They were all great and super friendly, except one of them was a bit too friendly with you. It was none other than the Bengals Quarterback, Joe Burrow. He and Dylan went to OSU together and were a part of the football program there and have kept in touch ever since, so you shouldn’t have been surprised when he walked into your friend’s dinner.
“He just never stops. Like 2 weeks ago when we all went to Dinner for Jess’s birthday, he was stuck to my side the entire time,” you said to her.
“What did I tell you? He likes you, Y/N,” she laughed as she sipped her drink.
“Yeah right. I know how these football players roll and I am not about to get caught up in that mess and get my heart broken all in one go,” you say as you watch him closely. Joe had taken a particular interest in you ever since you had met in February. You weren’t exactly sure why, but every time you would see him, he would end up stuck to your side the entire time. He would constantly talk to you, literally never shutting up. He would make little comments about how pretty you looked and how you were the nicest person he had ever met. You had a lot of things in common such as your music taste, your favorite movies, your small-town upbringing, and even your childlike tendencies such as playing Mario Kart & Smash Bros religiously at your grown age. Just the usual flirting but you were not buying into it. Sure, you would play into it and flirt back, but you had 0 intentions of actually starting something with him out of all people.
Each time you saw him, each time he would try to get you to hang out with him, just the two of you. Whether it was him suggesting that you two watch a movie at his place, go out to a new restaurant, or do anything you wanted to do, you always shut him down. Partly because you had your guard up around him for various reasons, but also because you didn’t think he actually liked you. You thought he just wanted to hook up and become casual fuck buddies like a typical football player, but you had no idea that those were not his intentions at all.
Joe really did like you and was doing anything to get you to give him a chance. He hadn’t felt this way about a girl in a very long time, and he was set on winning you over by any means necessary. You felt a little bad watching him struggle with you each time, but you were silently enjoying it. Something about having a star QB wrapped around your finger was amusing.
“I won’t lie, it is kinda fun to watch him attempt to make a move every time we see each other,” you laugh as you continue to stare at him. Although you didn’t want any part of him, he did look absolutely sexy. You would be lying to yourself if you said he wasn’t the most attractive man you had ever seen in your life.
“I give it a few months. You’ll be wrapped up in his arms,” Jenna says as she waves Joe over. He ends his conversation with a friend and starts walking over, a smile creeps up onto his face when he notices you sitting at the table.
You whip your head over to face her as you see him start to walk over, “What are you doing?” you say as you try not to act rude.
“You’ll thank me for this in a few months,” she winks as she gets up from her chair, greeting Joe, and then walking over to Dylan, Sam, and Jess.
You took a few deep breaths as you watched him sit down right next to you. “Here we go again,” you thought to yourself.
“Hey, Y/N,” he says, flashing his gorgeous smile to you.
“Hi, Joe,” you smile back.
“You look really pretty tonight,” he says as he takes a sip of his drink.
“Thank you,” you say back, hardly putting any effort into the conversation.
You both find yourself in some awkward silence for a few moments before Joe speaks up once again. “Soo, What have you been up to?”.
“Oh, nothing much. Just the usual,” you say as you play with the rings on your fingers.
“Cool, Cool,” he nods, the smile on his face slowly fading away.
“So Um, have you given my dinner offer any thought since the last time we saw each other?” he asked, referring to when he asked you if you wanted to get dinner with him at this new sushi place downtown that he had been dying to go to.
“Yeah,” you sigh. “Sorry, but I’m swamped with work for a while, don’t think I’ll have any time,” you lied, fully expecting him to keep pushing you for it like he usually does. It kinda was like a game of cat and mouse. You kept running away and he kept chasing, never being able to catch you, but also never giving up.
He stays quiet for a few seconds as you watch his head drop and the grip on his drink tighten. He would normally start the playful banter by now but he hadn’t, which was odd.
“See, I just don’t get it,” he said, looking back up at you, his usually joy-filled eyes now empty.
“Get what?” you ask him, sitting up in your seat.
“You. I don’t get you. Ever since we met, you’ve been giving me mixed signals. I thought we had something going on here since you were very clearly flirting back, but every fucking time I try to move to the next step, you dodge me like the plague. I don’t get it. Did I do something wrong?” he said.
“Joe, I-” you said, not knowing what to say to him. You felt horrible but he was right. You were sending him mixed signals but you thought he was having fun as well. Truth was, you weren’t dodging him, deep down you knew he was a good person and you actually enjoyed his company, you were just dodging the idea of dating and being in a relationship again. You just struggled with the idea of opening up to a person like that again, especially since the last time you did, it was used against you. And you were taking it out on Joe.
“What? Literally, what could you possibly have to say?” he asks, his face turning a little red but his voice remaining leveled. Even though he was upset, he made sure not to raise his voice.
You felt like throwing up in the moment because you felt awful for making him feel like this. The silence in between was enough of a response for him to get up. “Yeah, I figured. I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry if something about me makes you want to run in the opposite direction,” he says as he turns around and walks back over to your friends who had just watched all this unfold.
You just sat there in silence, feeling shitty for making him feel like he was the problem when in reality, it was you. You got up and walked to the bathroom, trying to escape the now awkward ambiance and also compose yourself.
“What was that about?” Jess asked Joe when he walked over to them.
He shook his head and took a few deep breaths before saying, “I don’t know. I thought she liked me too but every single time I try to make a move, she shuts me down,”. “I don’t know what the fuck I did,”.
“Joe, you didn’t do anything,” Jenna said.
“Then why is she acting like this? When we first met, everything was going well. We had good conversations, she could be around me without looking like she had to throw up, and now? Now she won’t even hold a conversation with me,” he said.
“It’s because she’s scared of getting her heart broken again. All her exes were absolute assholes, each one worse than the other. Her last one really did a number on her but that’s not my story to tell. Just know, it was bad,” Jenna said.
“Jenna’s right. It is not your fault at all. I think deep down, she likes you too but is scared to admit it,” Jess added. “She always looks relaxed with you and seems like she always is having fun,”.
“I just wish she would give me a chance. It feels like I hit a brick wall with her and shit is not moving,” Joe says, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Well, don’t give up man. I know you and you definitely don’t back down from a challenge,” Dylan says, patting his back.
“Yup. She’ll come around,” Sam says.
“You just have to show her that you really really care about her. I know her and I know that once she sees how sincere you are about this, she’ll come through,” Jenna says.
“You didn’t hear this from me, but Y/N loves cliche romantic gestures. Specifically handwritten love letters,” Jess winks.
“Ooo, nothing more romantic than a love letter,” Jenna says while looking over to see if you have come back from the bathroom.
“A love letter? Do I look like Romeo,” Joe scoffs. Seriously, a love letter? Joe could barely write out a sincere birthday message for his friends and family and they expect him to write a love letter?
“Listen, if you really wanna get the girl, try one more time,” Jess encourages.
He thinks about it for a few seconds before giving in. This had to work. If you really liked gestures like this, Joe was going to make sure it was the best damn thing that’s ever happened to you.“This better work,” He says.
“Just don’t feel bad Joe. She just needs to see that you really want this and I think this just might do it,” Jenna says.
“Yeah, I Hope so,” Joe says as he glances over to where you were sitting, the seat now empty. “I’m gonna go get some air,” he says to your friends as he walks out to the entrance of the restaurant.
They were right. Joe never backed down from a challenge and he really wanted you. He was going to do whatever it took to win you over, even if that meant doing something he would never think to do in a million years.
“I’ve never seen Joe like this before,” Sam says to everyone after Joe walks away.
“Tell me about it. She has him wrapped around her finger and I really hope she doesn’t pass on this,” Jess says.
“They’re perfect for each other. She just needs to see it and hopefully this will do it,” Jenna says as you walk back out to the dining room.
A few days later
It had been a few days since Jenna’s birthday dinner. You had managed to avoid Joe the entire night but still felt guilty at the fact that you had been so terrible to him for reasons out of his control.
You were sitting on your couch reading one of your favorite romance novels. Everything was always so perfect in the books. The girl always got the boy and everything was so romantic and beautiful. When was it going to be your turn? When would you be able to feel like the girls in the books? A knock on your door snapped you out of your thoughts, “Hm?” You questioned since you weren’t expecting anyone.
You walked over to the door, opened it, and then were met with a large flower arrangement, no human in sight.
“What the hell,” you said to yourself as you crouched down to pick up the beautiful flowers, which happened to be your favorite, pink roses.
You kicked the door shut with your foot as you walked over to the kitchen island. “Who are these from?” You asked yourself. You searched the flowers for a card and found one tucked into the bottom of the pot.
You pulled over a barstool and sat down before you opened up the envelope. A little note was folded inside. You carefully pulled the paper out and opened it up to read it. You tilted your head out of confusion. The note was handwritten and the handwriting looked a little familiar.
—
Dear Y/N,
I don’t really know how to do this, but please don’t think this is cringey or corny. I think I’ve rewritten this letter like 5 times now so I'm really trying to make this work. Anyways, I feel awful for the way I handled things the other day and I know you’re probably sick of me but I just can’t ignore these feelings anymore.
From the moment I saw you, I knew there was something special about you—something that drew me in and captivated my heart. You’re a very special girl and you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I hope that I can be a part of that. I know it’s only been a short amount of time since we’ve met but every time I see you, I’m reminded that you’re not just something I dreamed about. You’re real and you’re here. And I want to be with you.
Your smile lights up my world and your laughter is like music to my ears. Every time you walk into a room, my heart skips a beat and I find myself completely enchanted by your presence. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known, both inside and out.
I find myself constantly thinking about you, day and night, dreaming of the day when I can finally tell you how much you mean to me. Your kindness, your intelligence, your sense of humor - all of these things make me fall for you more and more with each passing day.
I know that I might just be a small blip on your radar, but I couldn't let another day go by without expressing my feelings for you. I know that this is hard for you, but I really hope you’ll give me a chance to show you that I’m different, and that we can be different.
Sending my love,
Joe.
—
You felt hot tears streaming down your cheeks and onto the countertop, as you finished reading the letter. Nobody had ever written you a love letter before even though it was something you would constantly dream about and mention indirectly to your ex-lovers. None of them got the hint that this was something you wanted. But here you were, reading a love letter from a guy who didn’t even know about your silly little dream but somehow made it come true.
He really cared about you and he wasn’t playing around. The contents of the letter had made his feelings about you incredibly clear and opened up your eyes to what you were missing out on. He was such a sweet, kind-hearted, and gentle person and you had him right at your fingertips. And you were about to push him away for good.
You wiped your tears as you pulled out your phone from your pocket, pulling up Joe’s contact and hitting the call button. You prayed he would pick up, and he did.
“Hello?” He said, slightly breathless as he was in the middle of working out.
“You’re an idiot,” you laughed through the tears.
“Y/N?” He asked.
“Yes, it’s me,” you sniffled. He remained quiet on the other end so you took it as a chance to finally reciprocate the feelings he had for you.
“I got your letter and flowers,” you smiled.
“Yeah?” He asked, putting his dumbbell down and sitting on the workout bench. His stomach was in knots as he was anxious about what your response would be.
“Are you free tonight? I heard that the new sushi place downtown is to die for,” you giggled as you twirled your hair.
Joe’s face immediately lit up and his heart was about to beat out of his chest. He stayed silent for a few seconds to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, and he sure as hell wasn’t. “Yeah, I am. I’ll pick you up in an hour,” he says.
“It’s a date,” you say, biting your bottom lip, your stomach filled with butterflies and anticipation. It was finally your chance to get the boy.
After weeks of waiting and trying, Joe had finally won you over. He had finally won the trophy and ultimate prize which was you.
End of flashback
Nobody had played the field for you like Joe had. You were pretty unlucky when it came to relationships but when you met Joe, everyone who was attempting to play the field just ended up warming the bench. He never gave anyone else a moment to try to win you over. Throughout the off-season, he was doing just about everything to win your heart and he was killing it. You were on a winning streak, up until you ruined it with your childish fears.
“I just- I haven’t felt the way I feel with him in a long time and that scares the hell out of me. The last time I felt that way, I was so blinded by it and it got the best of me,” you replied, your stomach churning at the mention of your last relationship.
“I understand that. But not every guy is going to take advantage of your love. Even though I’ve known you for a few months, I can see that you have so much love inside of you. I can see the love in your eyes for him. Don’t let your past get in the way of something promising and special,” she told you.
“You tell me something new he does for you and a new funny story about him literally every time I see you. You always have this radiant smile when you’re around him and this look in your eyes that most people would say only is seen in someone once every few lifetimes,” Jess adds as she points at your necklace.
“Like look at that. He basically told you it was you and him for infinity. He’s not going anywhere, trust me,” she laughs. “Don’t fight it,”.
You take another deep breath and think about what she’s saying. She’s right. You and Joe had been together for 6 months and in those 6 months he never made you feel bad about yourself, he never made you feel neglected, and he definitely never made you feel unloved. He was different from everyone else and you loved him so much. It wasn’t his fault that the others hurt you so badly and you owed it to him to try.
He was what you had been waiting for your entire life and now that you’d finally had it, you were so close to ruining it. He wasn’t like the others, not one bit. You loved everything about him and he loved everything about you. He showed you what real love felt like, and taught you how to love again. She was right, why should you fight it? You had struck gold with Joe.
“I love him,” you realize, a smile creeping up your face.
“There we go,” she says as she claps her hands together and falls back into the chair.
“I really love him,” you repeat, wanting to scream it at the top of your lungs.
“And I’m sure he would be incredibly happy to hear that,” she smiles. “Wait, you should come to the game on Sunday,” she
“Are you sure? Shouldn’t I wait to talk to him until after this week's game?” You asked.
“I have a feeling he’d be more than excited to see you at the game this week. Might give him that kick he needs to break out of whatever came over him this past 2 games,” she says.
“Yeah, he has been a little off lately,” you frown. You didn’t know if it was because of you or his knee or something else, but something was off about him.
“If you decide to come, I’ll be waiting at the suite entrance since I know it would be your first time at a game,”
“Maybe I’ll come around, it feels like it’s been so long since I’ve seen him,” you said.
It was true, it had been so long since you’d seen him. And you missed him so much. You missed his little laugh, his silly jokes, his adorable smile, his beautiful eyes, his sexy morning voice, and most importantly, the warm and comforting feeling you got around him.
“Mhm,” she replied. “You should wear his jersey too. I’m sure he’d love it,”.
Sunday — Paycor Stadium
You walked into the stadium, taking a deep breath as you made it inside. You were wearing his jersey for the first time and were feeling a little nervous about the entire situation. You haven’t been to his game before, you haven’t even worn his jersey before, and you definitely didn’t know what the hell you were going to say to him once you saw him. You were so caught up in your head that you didn’t realize that you had walked over to the Suite entrance where Jess was waiting for you, just like she had said.
“You made it!” She said as she pulled you in for a hug. “And your outfit looks so cute,” she adds, pointing out your jersey. You had put on the white bengal jersey, a vintage Bengals dad hat, and your favorite pair of jean shorts. And the cherry on top is your infinity necklace.
“Yeah,” you said, a little frazzled because of the many thoughts floating through your head.
She noticed your worried face and said, “Hey, don’t stress. It’ll be just fine, I promise,”.
“I hope so,” you mumble.
She turned her head around, looking to see if the hallway behind her was clear. “Joe won’t be able to come up here now, but that hallway leads straight to the tunnel and locker room entrance,” she says, fully implying that you should go down there and see him.
A smile creeps up your face and you start playing with the infinity necklace around your neck. “Go get your boy,” she teases.
She was right, time to stop being afraid. He was yours and you were his, there was no use fighting the alchemy. What’s meant to be, is meant to be, and you two were meant to be.
You told her you’d be back in 10 or so minutes and made your way down the illustrious hallway. The walls were decorated with Bengals memorabilia, ranging from the beginning of the team and up to now. There were quite a few things on the walls about Joe, and seeing them made your heart full.
You made your way down to the tunnel and locker room area, not sure where you should go from here. He did tell you a while back that family was allowed to be down here once in a while before or after the game, but you didn’t know where you should be.
You took a peak at the field, seeing that there were a few players in their jerseys out there. “He must be getting ready to go out for some last-minute warmups before the walk-in,” you said to yourself.
A sigh left your lips as you sat down on the bench across from the locker room entrance. You waited there for a few moments until you saw the door open, and out came Sam.
You immediately stood up and walked over to him and he noticed you instantly, “Oh- Hey Y/N! It’s great to see you. Jess told me you may be coming to the game so it’s great to see you here! How are you?” he asked.
“I’m amazing Sam, Um, where’s Joe?” You said, getting straight to the point.
He chuckled and shook his head, “He should be coming out in a minute. Man, you two are definitely something,”.
Before you could ask him what he meant by that, he quickly cut you off because he had to go. “Anyways, I gotta go out there but good luck and enjoy your first in-person game,” he smiles as he puts his helmet on and starts to jog out.
You say goodbye to him as you lean back against the wall. “Any minute now,” you whisper to yourself.
A few minutes pass and you decide to go on your phone, seeing a few messages from Jess. She was letting you know that she was sitting inside the suite and grabbed you some food for when you got back. You were in the middle of sending her an update when you heard the door swing open. 3 men stepped out in their football gear and walked over to the tunnel, however, 1 stayed right in front of you.
“Y/N?” the familiar voice asked.
You looked up from your phone, and there he was. The man of your dreams, the person who made you feel cherished and safe.
“Joe,” was all you could say. The nerves you had been feeling for the past hour suddenly disappeared at the sight of him.
He walked closer to you as you slipped your phone into your back pocket. His heart fluttered as he noticed you had his jersey on, but most importantly, you had the necklace on.
“What are you doing-,” he said before you leaped into his arms, taking him by surprise which caused him to stumble back a little.
“I’m so sorry. I am so so so so sooo sorry,” you said as you pushed your face into the crook of his neck. His arms hovered for a second before moving around your waist, holding you tightly.
“For what?” he asked.
You pulled your face out of his neck and met his eyes, “Everything. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere,” you said as you gazed lovingly into his eyes.
“But that’s only if you still want me-,” you add before he leans down and pushes his lips against yours. God, you missed the feeling of his lips against yours.
You both pull away after a few seconds, “Does that answer your question?”.
You grin at his little gesture, “Absolutely,”.
He pulls you back into him, swaying you back and forth for a little. “We can talk after the game? At least, that’s if you’re staying,”.
“You really think I would be wearing your jersey if I wasn’t here to watch you,”.
“Fair point,” he laughs. He looked out over at the field and saw a few of the staff looking for him. “I gotta go,”.
You release yourself from his embrace, “Don’t wanna keep them waiting too long,” you giggle. “I’ll be up in the Burrow Suite, just like we talked about,”.
Joe felt like melting in the moment. He still couldn’t believe you were here, in his jersey, and were about to watch him play. He was scared and thought that he had lost you for good after what happened but you proved him wrong.
“I’ll be looking for you,” he says, giving you a look that tells you he means business.
“And I’ll be there, I swear,” you salute.
He pulls you back in for another hug, “God, I can’t believe you’re here right now,”.
“Well, get used to it. I think I’ll be letting them know to save a permanent seat for me up there,”.
“I’ll buy you a whole suite just for yourself if you want me to,” he jokes, only partly.
“Baby Steps, Joey. Baby steps,” you giggle.
Your tender moment is soon interrupted by a training staff member walking by, “Joe, we need you out there. They wanna go over a few things before kick-off,”.
“I‘ll be there in a sec,” he says, still holding you.
“You should probably go before they send out a search party,” you say as you look up at him.
“You’re probably right,” he laughs as he lets go of you. “I’ll see you after the game in the suite. Hope you have fun,” he smiles.
“Oh I will,” you respond. Joe presses a kiss onto your cheek before walking towards the tunnel.
“Wait,” you whisper to yourself. “Wait, Joe!” You yell as you speed walk over to him before he goes out. He quickly turns around, “What’s Wrong?”.
You walk over to him and wrap your arms around his shoulders before moving your face closer to his, pressing a warm kiss on his lips.
“I love you,” you whisper against his lips after you pull away. His eyes widen at your words and his stomach does a backflip. “Knock ‘em dead, Shiesty,” you say as you press another kiss to his lips before walking back to the hallway that leads up to the Suites. He felt absolutely love-struck as he watched you walk away. You said it. You finally said it.
“Damn,” He whispered to himself, a huge smile on his face.
An hour later
The game was going great. Joe was killing it and seemed to have snapped out of whatever came over him the past two weeks. It was the start of the fourth quarter, the Bengals leading 27-21, and you were having the time of your life.
“This is so fucking fun,” you grin as you take another sip of your drink.
“Welcome to the football life my friend,” Jess laughs.
“He’s too good, he is TOO good,” you yell, slightly tipsy since you had a few drinks. You mental note to not drink stadium cocktails because they were so strong, and you were definitely feeling it.
“Ooof, third down and this is a crucial spot,” you say, standing up and moving closer to the railing.
“Let’s see how it goes,” Jess says, putting her drink down and joining you at the railing. You held your breath as you watched the play unfold. Joe took a few steps to the side and a little back and then moved around as the pocket collapsed. He found an opening and launched the ball down the field, all the way into the endzone, which was then caught by Ja’marr for the touchdown.
The crowd erupted at Joe’s impressive movement considering his knee and the amazing throw. “Holy Shit! That was a Dime!” you screamed over to Jess as you jumped up and down.
“Look down there!” she said as she shook your arm out of joy.
You looked down and saw Joe facing the suite, on a knee doing what looked like the ‘archer’ pose, and drawing back his bow and arrow. He smiled as he released the imaginary bow straight up at you. Everyone below you in the stands looked up to see what he was paying so close attention to and saw you.
“Awww,” Jess teased.
You moved your hand to your heart as if you were struck by the bow and stumbled back for dramatic effect, and he noticed. Everyone noticed. He waved at you as he got up and a blush rose on your cheeks. It was very clear that the sign on his heart was still reserved for you by his very public declaration of his love for you. If people hadn’t caught on that Joe Burrow had a girlfriend, they sure knew now.
“I love you,” you mouthed to him as he took his helmet off.
“I love you too,” he mouthed back, setting off fireworks in your heart.
A few hours later
The game ended with the Bengals winning 37-24, and people were raving about how Joe was finally looking like himself again. You had the best time watching him absolutely tear it up. You were currently waiting for him to meet you in the suite, pure dopamine coursing through your veins after that electric game.
You were staring out onto the empty field, taking in the feeling. The bright lights and the poster of Joe being lifted up over his friend’s heads after the win that sent them to the Super Bowl last year on the side of the stadium made this all start to feel real. This was going to be a common thing for you, you belonged here.
You heard the door swing open, meaning Joe was finally here. You turned around and saw him standing there with the biggest smile on his face. You ran over and launched yourself into his arms, pressing maybe a dozen kisses around his face.
“You did so good, Joe,” you say in between kisses. “I’m so proud of you,”.
“Thank You,” he laughs as he holds you closer, never wanting to let go now that he had you for good. “I needed that extra kick from the heroine from earlier,”.
“What Kick?” you asked, incredibly confused.
He burst out laughing once he realized what you were thinking of. “Heroine with an e”, he jokes. “Ya know, a girl with extraordinary characteristics and a great way of going about things,”.
“And am I supposed to be the Heroine?” you said as you tilted your head.
“Yes Ma’am,” he nods.
“But what did I say that gave you the extra kick?” you asked, completely oblivious.
“Oh, you know, the ‘L’ word,” he said.
You paused for a few seconds before shouting, “Oh, you mean love?” as you leaned back a little while Joe nodded. “Yup it is true, I love you! I loveeee you Joe Burrow!,” you screamed at the top of your lungs. Normally you would never think of screaming in public like this, but it was a mostly empty stadium and empty suite. Just the two of you and you felt that feeling so strongly and this was the best way to let it out.
“Are you drunk?” He laughs.
“Maybeee a little. Don’t get mad, those stadium cocktails are not for the weak,” you slur. “But that doesn’t make this any different, I still love you. Sober, Drunk, or High,”.
“I love you,” he laughed before leaning in to press a deep kiss onto your pink lips which caused you to stumble back a little, his grip on your waist incredibly strong like he was never going to let go.
You both stayed in each other’s arms for a few moments, chatting about the game and how he absolutely loved the feeling he got once he saw you sitting in his suite. And you telling him about how much fun you had at your first football game.
“It was amazing,” you said as you both sat down on the couch in the corner. “I’ve never seen anything like that before in my life ,”.
“I’m glad you had fun,” he grinned, reaching over and entwining your fingers.
“I’m so proud of you, I mean you really killed it. I know the last few games were tough and those clowns wouldn’t shut up about their stupid ‘burrow is overrated’ agenda, but you didn’t let that get to you. You went straight for the crown,”.
Joe started laughing which made you a little confused. “What’s so funny?” you asked.
“Just laughing at the scene. I can’t believe you’re here right now and giving me a motivational speech about football,”.
“We’ll get used to it Joe, I think I’m taking a permanent position as your personal cheerleader,” you say as you run your hand through his wet curls.
“God, I love you,” he says, your smile dropping a little which he notices.
“Hey Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks while absentmindedly rubbing your hand to help you relax.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it,” you said while looking down at your feet.
“Hey, don’t say that,” he says as he squeezes your hand. “You’re here, that is what matters,”.
“You’re right, I am,” you say as you look back up with a smile. “And I don’t ever plan on leaving. You are what I’ve been waiting for and I finally have what I’ve always wanted. Someone who really loves me and appreciates everything about me. Someone who gets me and makes me feel like I’m on Cloud 9,”.
“I’m done being afraid of Love. You’ve shown me what true love feels like and that you are not like the amateurs. You know exactly how to win a girl over and treat her like she is the most special person in the world,”
“Not only that. You also have someone who is infatuated with you, thinks you’re the coolest girl in the world, the most gorgeous woman to grace the planet, and the most remarkable human being he has ever met,” he adds.
You feel like a breath of fresh air just hit your face and like you could breathe again. It was going to be different this time. It was going to be different because of Joe.
“I love you,” you said to him again.
“I will never get tired of hearing that,” he says as he moves his hand to cup your cheek.
“Good, I’ll never get tired of saying it,” you say as you move your hand onto his which is on your cheek.
“I’m glad we just let things fall into place by itself,” he says. “Well, other than my many attempts to win you over in the beginning. But after I finally won you over, everything was natural. Even this moment,” he says as he moves his hand back to yours, once again entwining your fingers.
“Yeah,” you nod. “Who are we to fight the alchemy?”.
“Alchemy?” He asks as he raises his eyebrow.
“Yup. Same thing as chemistry, but that’s too common of a word to describe this. Alchemy is rare and it’s magical. A kind of transformation that only happens once every few lifetimes,”.
“You turned something broken and dull into gold,” you add. “Alchemy,”.
“Huh, I guess I should use the word Alchemy to describe us from now on,” he says while rubbing your thigh.
You moved closer to his warm body and pressed a slow kiss onto his lips, “Sounds like a plan,”. The love inside of you quickly turned to lust at the sight of your boyfriend plus the alcohol in your system. He looked absolutely mouthwatering. His wet hair from his post game shower, his flowy black shorts, and his partially wet white tee was sending you into overdrive.
“Did I mention how sexy you look wearing my jersey?” he teased as he looked down at your outfit.
“I mean, it is yours so technically you look sexy wearing it too,” you giggled.
“Mmm, you make it look sexier,” he disagrees.
The soft glow of the lamp next to the couch wrapped around you both as you sat on the couch with Joe. The tension between you was palpable, the desire simmering just beneath the surface.
You finally accepted your love for Joe and he was yours. Now you could fully enjoy these moments with him without that nagging thought of getting your heart broken in the back of your mind.
Without saying a word, he reached out and pulled you closer, his lips crashing against yours in a fierce and hungry kiss.
His hands roamed your body, igniting a fire within you that you couldn't control. The physical connection between you was extremely clear once again. You moaned into his mouth as his fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you closer to him. Your bodies pressed together, the heat between you building with every passing second.
You straddled his lap, feeling the hard muscles of his chest beneath your fingertips as you ran your hands over his body, desperate for more. Joe's kisses were fierce and demanding, his passion evident in every touch.
Lost in the moment, you wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss as you became lost in each other. As the intensity of your passion grew, the world around you faded away, leaving only the two of you entwined in a heated embrace. And in that moment, nothing else mattered but the raw love you felt for each other.
You pulled away from the passionate kiss, breathless and your chest heaving. You looked into his ocean blue eyes which were filled with love and warmth and said, “I love you Joe Burrow, forever and ever,”.
You weren’t scared anymore. You stopped fighting the alchemy and let the magical transformation happen just like it was supposed to.
—The End—
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hey so how do you think the bay boys would deal with having a s/o who sometimes randomly cups their cheeks and gives them forehead kisses and then a kiss on the mouth while saying they love them or call them handsome and then they proceed to leave unless their boyfriend yanks them into a hold so they stay put? Happens once a day as long as s/o is not feeling negative vibes?
Affectionate S/Os are treasures to be protected, and I agrue every single Bayverse guy NEEDS an affectionate S/O like this.
But everyone has a different personality, right? I think Raph and Donnie need physical affection like this the most, but Mikey and Leo would be the ones most likely to initiate this kind of thing to you. But anyway-
This is how THEY react.
Enjoy!
Random Kisses X Bayverse Turtles
Mikey
-Loves that you do this shit often enough that he can pretend he's the shit.
-Thinks it's funny when your kissing and babying him and he can preen.
-Looking around the room like he's a big, strong man that owns world while you are making "kiskiskiskiskis" noises to his cheeks.
-Also loves to play victim.
-Is the boyfriend that, if asked, "Do you need kisses?" Mikey'll curl up under you and nod pathetically- even if he had an awesome day.
-"You okay, baby?" You ask.
-"Mmm." He makes a dismissive noise into your chest.
-"You need kisses, baby?" You ask.
-"Mmhm." He moans sadly.
-You press hundreds of those tiny, rabid fire kisses to the scales of his scalp.
-Then when you stop your met with another sad, pathetic groan.
-Mikey is also the boyfriend most likely to give you the same disgusting treatment. -Always looking for an opportunity for ambush kisses.
-Be careful
Leo
-He doesn't like it if he's already overwhelmed or preoccupied
-It can overstimulate him
-But he NEEDS that connection. He needs affection.
-if things are calm, if all the chores are done and it's time to decompress and relax (something he's learning how to do)
-and he's sitting down or curled up with you-
-he compelelty melts. Literally. Physically into you.
-he usually tries to hide his smile or stop himself from laughing.
-"Stopp, this isn't-" "staap"
-Its so fucking adorable. He's fun cuz he can be that fucking awesome, badass, highly specialized and experienced superhero- then also be a needy cuddle bug that practically begs for attention and needs to be held all the time.
-he also the second most likely brother to give the same treatment.
-Loves to surpise you with kisses and hugs.
Raph
-He's had a very difficult time reciprocating this level of cuteness to you without prompt, its something he's working on
-However
-In front of people, he's all like, "Ew. No. Stop. Get off me. This is dumb. I'm a man."
-Then during cuddle times HES the one who crawls into your lap and kinda just...begs with his eyes.
-Also he's hilarious because he sucks, SUCKS at pretending he doesn't actually freakn love it.
-It's hard for him to NOT smile around you when he wants to. So if your ambushing him infront of others or by himseld he's like, trying to push you away while saying, "S-stop, no." But his smile is super wide and he can't look at you in the eyes
-It's disgusting 😭
-Its also extremely meaningful to him, when you do this. Gets him feeling attractive and adored- he won't admit it but it's kinda hard for him to hide that he's flattered too.
-If he's been having a hard, overwhelming season and you pull that while alone with him, it's a struggle not to pull you closer and cry.
Donnie
-Unlike Leo, this is the best way to distract Donnie.
-If he's feeling overwhelmed by work or tasks- calling his name then grabbing his cheeks and kissing him all over will turn his internal world into a very quiet, loving place instantly.
-Hes usually pretty confident, and it's easy for him to talk, but if you do this he'll get all shy and embarrassed
-His smile is super wide and he pulls his head back on his neck while trying to lean away or avoid looking at you
-It's SO fucking cute
-The hardest part about this is if he's not sitting down-
-This shit is extremely difficult
-I don't care how tall you are. Donnie is taller and it's DIFFICULT to ambush him with face or head kisses.
-You just know 90% of your relationship with from his perspective is you looking up at him doing grabby fingers
-Good luck with that
#bayverse#raphael#leonardo#tmnt#donatello#tmnt bayverse#bayverse tmnt#my writing#tmnt headcanons#leonardo x reader#raphael x reader#donatello x reader#michelangelo x reader#tmnt bayverse headcanons
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Endiness made a beautiful long post with all his quotes on that topic that I think is very informative and worth looking at, so here’s a link to that. And with that already discussed, I thought I’d make a thread of all his changes that we are aware of, because when you look into them, you find that none of his “book accurate” changes are actually book accurate.
His decision to make Geralt grunt and cut his lines.
HC: "All the grunts, I either added or I didn't say anything and just grunted instead. It was often up to the other actors to go, 'I think he's not gonna say anything now.'"
JB: "Henry likes to cut his lines, 'cause he's lazy. No, he literally just likes to cut them. He likes to do more up here [frames his face with his hands] and just with face and hmms and grunts. There's a lot of hmms, and so I often have to take a lot of his lines and turn it into a lot of my stuff so that the plot happens."
So, as everyone who has read the books knows that Geralt is and always has been a yapper. Gerakt often talks or thinks in monologues, and definitely not in short grunts.
Of course when the audience started making fun of Geralt for not being able to speak in full sentences Henry promptly went back on admitting the blame and instead said that the big bad writers were the ones who didn't give him lines, and now it was his life’s mission to fight for a book accurate Geralt who speaks.
Roach’s death scene
After S2 came out, Lauren received a lot of backlash for Roach’s death scene, with multiple sources citing that she wanted the moment to be more “comedic” before the brave Henry Cavill stepped in and refused to participate in such horrible anti source material activities.
LH: "Henry was so unhappy with the line. Finally I said, 'You know what, you come up with something. I trust you, you know this material so well, you know the book so well, you don't even have to pitch it to me.' And he came back the next day with a beautiful speech that's at the end of 'Sword of Destiny' when Geralt is facing death.”
This is the line he ended up using:
“Enjoy your last walk across the meadow and through the mist. Be not afraid of her for she is your friend."
This was Lauren’s response AND the original line.
LH: “Here's what was scripted, in homage of the fact that a previous Roach had existed, and another one will exist soon. It's hardly a joke. Henry wanted a longer, more emotional moment, which I was more than happy to give him. Don't create drama where none exists.”
So in S2 Geralt ends up quoting a part of his monologue from ‘Sword of Destiny’ when he’s at his lowest after thinking that Yennefer had died at the battle of Sodden Hill, and he has nothing left to live for. Which to me doesn't work that well with Roach at all. That line was a response to Geralt thinking he's lost the love of his life, not his horse. In my opinion, the original line Lauren penned out is more heartfelt and actually more emotional and more book accurate as well.
The absolute removal of any Triss and Geralt “romance”
This one we don’t have that much information on in comparison to others. But there were multiple reports that at the beginning of S2 Triss and Geralt were supposed to have some kind of a romantic scene with each other which then was cut during production, and it was largely speculated that it was due to Henry Cavill.
“Several months ago we reported on a sex scene happening between Geralt and Triss, sometime in the first half of Season 2. That didn’t happen, as we all saw, but here’s what we know about the original plan for that:
Geralt and Triss are in a room together, they seem friendly at first. They are playing some kind of weird game. Whoever wins a round, gets to ask a question. We’re not privy to the exact flow of the conversation, but it eventually leads to both of them ending up in bed.
We can only guess why this was cut, but perhaps it was thanks to Henry Cavill.”
Now, irrelevantly on your feelings on book Triss and Geralt you have to admit that that short-lived “romance” is indeed a part of the books and therefor book accurate. So the removal of it would go against Mr I’m fighting to make this show as much book accurate as possible.
The removal of the Yen and Geralt sex scene in S2
"We just wanted to be very careful that it was true and real, and it didn't turn into something that we, as actors, didn't believe it should be," Cavill stated. When Yennefer and Geralt unite, they embrace, but it doesn't go further than that. He continued: "We wanted it to be emotional rather than sexual. It was really, really important, and we had to lean away from what was originally on the page." Initially, Geralt and Yennefer were written to have a more passionate night.
Henry Cavill and Anya Chalotra went to "The Witcher" producers and explained why they thought a steamy evening was not the way to go. "These are people who believe one thing about the fate of another and then find out something else is true," Cavill said about Geralt believing Yennefer was dead. "That's not how they behave," the actor added. "How they behave is they just want to be with the person and emotionally recognize their existence again in that shared space.”
This one is a bit tricky because I am willing to get behind an actor who doesn't want to do a sex scene out of comfort reasons or whatnot, but Henry saying that "That's not how [Yennefer and Geralt] behave”, is quite absurd in my opinion. Because that is very much how Geralt and Yennefer behave, especially in the short stories and ToC. They are inherently a very sexual couple who come crashing in and out of each other’s lives while having very passionate sex. But I can understand wanting this scene to be more “emotional” (as if sex isn't emotional), so this one I am willing to give him a bit more leeway on. (But then again looking at the blinds saying that he refused any sex scenes because oh his “ideals” and was allegedly really nasty to Anya about it, well..)
Geralt being the perfect father figure to Ciri with no flaws and no struggles (which inevitably snowballed into the Yen Betrayal Arc)
This one I don’t see talked that much at all, and to me this one is his most detrimental one.
@LHissrich: “In interviews, Henry explains how he felt strongly that Geralt NOT be bumbling, nor a struggling father figure. In fact, a lot of S2 is about how Geralt does come from a loving (albeit unconventional) family. Henry was passionate about this shift, and we discussed it a lot, and ultimately thought it was wonderful for his character development. But it also had the domino effect of changing what Ciri needed from Yen when she entered the picture. Thus, introducing the idea of balance.”
So I don’t know about you, but I love when characters have flaws and naturally progress be it for good or bad, some would say that that's what story telling is about, well that someone wouldn't be Henry Cavil. Geralt being a struggling father figure at first, someone who makes mistakes and learns from them and tries is very much a prominent theme in Blood of Elves and is actually very real, people make mistakes! Especially in huge shifts such as “becoming a father overnight’ but we didn't get that because Henry refused to play it that way. What we got is Geralt who already basically knows exactly how to parent, he always knows what to say, what pep talk to give and also doesn't hold any resentment and any negative feelings towards Vesemir at all. It's all one dimensional happy family here! Which goes against not only the books but what he preached about fighting tooth and nail to make the “forgotten” male characters three-dimensional as well because the horrible feminist Lauren only thinks about female characters.
Lauren then goes on saying that “it also had the domino effect of changing what Ciri needed from Yen when she entered the picture. Thus, introducing the idea of balance” So, it is fair to speculate that Henry’s refusal to showcase Geralt having any flaws at all and act book accurate snowballed into The Controversial Yennefer Betrayal Arc.
These are the ones that I can remember off the top off my head, so there might be more, there’s probably more that we aren’t even aware of. I think putting them all together showcase a very interesting picture. One of Henry Cavill never actually understanding who Geralt fundamentally is as a character, and of him not being a team player at all. I just hope that more and more people are aware of the insane PR his team did for him when it came to this show, and that more people are able to see through it.
#anti henry cavill#the witcher#long post#i do believe that i have an interesting vintage point because ive been in this fandom since the show premiered so some people might not be#even aware of these things when ive lived them and have an archive of them in my head lmaoo#i don't like the formatting of asks when you reblog them so im making this a separate text post
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Hope
Hi! So this is the first time that I've wrote somthing this length in a while so this will be a bit rusty.
This is slightly self indulgent as someone who has chronic pain, I just thought I'd write someone up with a reader who has it in mind.
Anyway reader is someone who experiences chronic pain, it's a small insight into the mind of someone who lives with it. I tried to make the reader as gender neutral as possoble, but other than that I hope you enjoy. Please feel free to give feedback of any kind, I just ask that you are kind <3.
Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton X Reader
Possible triggers: Dissusion of mental health problems, mentions of chronic pain and how it can affect someone's life, Mention of feeling sick / vomiting.
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The drawing room is not exactly the best place for you to be right now, you had initially thought that a spot of reading would be a sufficient distraction from the blinding pain shooting through your temple. unfortunately, the book you are reading, or trying to at least is not providing any useful distraction, with the words on the page becoming more blurred the more you try to preserver.
Huffing you close the book, trying to focus on something else to distract you from the burden you carry. The pain.
You were never a sickly child, quite the opposite, you were always able to bounce back from any aliment that affected you, that was until sometime during your early adulthood. You cannot fully remember when it happened, just that one day it started, a sharp pain like a needle had been pushed through just under your kneecap and the stubborn thing would not go away.
At first, you had thought you had just over-exerted yourself during the social season with dancing, however, when that had ended, and you found yourself with more time to rest and recover you found that this pain remained. And it had gotten worse, it slowly moved upwards towards your other joints, sending sparks between all the different offending joints.
A knock at the door breaks your train of painful thought, you slowly move towards the door, confused as you had confessed to your maid that if anyone needed or wanted you for anything to very gently turn them in another direction to not exacerbate your pain anymore with meaningless conversations.
The door slowly creeks open, your maid’s face apologetically peeking around the frame.
“Apologies, I understand you did not want to be bothered; however, you have a visitor. One who is very adamant to see you, even after I explained that you had fallen ill today…” she relays, she seems almost skittish, unlike her usual self. This visitor has put up more of a battle than others, who would see you?
Sighing you looked towards her, trying not to cringe at a sudden stinging in your temples, you can’t very well be mad at her, after all, she can’t ultimately swat away everyone that wants to see you, though you had hoped that you would’ve had more time to try and calm down this headache before seeing anyone, alas, fortune is not in your favour today.
“Please do not apologise, Ester, you tried your best,” you say sympathetically. “I do not think I would be so lucky to hide myself away for the whole day without interruptions, please do send whoever is most eager to see me in, if you would not mind.” With the housekeeper slipping back out the door you try to calm yourself, ‘breath, just breath’ you think, trying to calm yourself down, trying to calm the headache, as well as your body.
You are not given enough time, as you hear the door opening again, this time more swiftly than before, footsteps moving quickly and a huffing breath. You then realise a slight error in your wording to your maid early, while you had instructed her to tell people that you had fallen ill, you mostly assumed that she would only need to tell people already aware of your ailment, and with that understanding they would know that you were somewhat alright and not gravely ill and not someone else. Someone who is not aware of your condition, someone who is now staring at you with anxious eyes trying to determine what it is that is wrong with you.
With your body still positioned towards the door you fully take in your visitor, Mr Benedict Bridgerton. You watch as he steps into the room, the door slowly closing over, trapped.
“I was told you were ill” he starts, stepping closer towards the chair you reside in, eyes still darting over you trying to determine the cause of your ‘illness.’
“I give my apologies for being so ardent in wanting to see you, I had initially come here under different pretences, however, the way your maid described your illness I was stricken with worry.” He speaks too quickly, staring at you with a slightly overwhelming concern.
“What ails you so?” he finishes almost crouching in front of you. The pause in the room is too stifling, this question that you hoped you would never have to answer while alone. In the past, you were always quite fortunate when the question had come up, with your father or mother there to quickly move the conversation along. Never bringing the truth to light.
“A misstep walking down some stairs! The floors had just been washed and they were simply too enthralled within their novel to notice” was one such story that had to be shelved after multiple uses.
“Oh, you know they were just so concentrated with their needlework that they strained their hands; nothing to concern yourself about” another one, a slightly more believable story, and one that could be told repeatedly. However this time you were alone, there was no one to save you, no one to swiftly tell a half-truth. No, you were on your own, and with a mind-numbing headache in addition.
“Ah, yes, erm please do excuse Ester, she does tend to exaggerate a little bit with her storytelling, I have but a simple headache.” You are not exactly lying, you do have a headache, you are simply omitting that the ache is also everywhere else within you.
“Oh, thank goodness!” Benedict replies, visibly relaxing, almost bending in half with the sigh he lets out.
“I thought you to be gravely ill with how your maid detailed your condition” he continues, “That you could hardly move, and you were racked with pain” he recounts, what you can only assume to be Esther's attempt at persuasion. And while true, you had hoped she would have chosen something along the lines of having a simple cold.
“Yes, well, as you can see, I am in perfect health, you have nothing to worry about Mr Bridgerton, though your concern is duly appreciated. I do hope your time has not been wasted by travelling over here,” you respond, very much hoping that you can put this conversation to bed. You can feel the pain in your temples starting to come down towards your neck, you need to move, having been sitting in one position for too long but with Mr Bridgeton here you could not just up and move. You also had forgotten your cane this morning in your room, not thinking you would need it very much today, and you did not particularly want to be witnessed limping up and out of the room in front of a man who had no idea of your condition.
Your only plausible solution was to grin and bear it, or rather, politely smile and nod along to whatever this man was about to ask you.
“Nonsense!” he exclaims loudly in a jovial manner, making the pain shoot through you once more.
“My time is never wasted when it comes to you” he speaks softly, as if he realised that by shouting, he would be causing you pain.
“If you are in good health I was wondering if I might ask something of you?” Ah the question you have been waiting for, it could not have come quicker.
“Yes, you may” Your response could be seen as quite rushed if you were in a normal situation, however with the pressure in your temples building and the pain slowly becoming more intense, you found yourself not caring how your actions could be perceived as by others of the ton.
There is a moment of silence where neither of you say anything, staring at him expectingly, you choose to prompt him by nodding your head towards him, hoping he catches onto your hint.
“Oh Right!” he starts with a jump. “Well I came here today with a confession of sorts, I have witnessed you, wait! Ah!” he suddenly stops almost aware of how slightly strange he must sound.
“Oh goodness, well- I, god” You take some pity on him as he seems to stumble over his words, ablet not enough pity to warrant sitting patiently in an increasingly uncomfortable chair.
“Mr Bridgton, I do not mean to rush you but would you please simply ask this question” huffing slightly.
“I know this is not how I am supposed to go about this, but I cannot ignore my feelings for you any longer! Please would you do the honour of letting me court you?”
There is a pause after his confession, stunned, shocked you are not sure how to respond. You almost think it is some cruel jest that he has been set up to follow through, but as you look at him, his expression and how he holds himself you realise that he is being as truthful. You feel as if someone has thrown a bucket of cold water over you, what does this mean? This cannot be real. This man of high stature wants to court you. While not lowly in rank, you certainly are not what you would expect a Bridgerton to go for and certainly not someone as seemingly broken as yourself.
Sitting there for a few more moments you realise that he is still waiting for your response.
“I, I cannot” you start “I am very sorry, but I cannot accept this offer.” You state, dropping your focus to the floor.
“I. what?” Benedict almost laughs, stunned.
“Why can you not? Are you intended to another?”
“No, I am very much not.”
“Are you interested in someone else?” You scoff at the question.
“No, not that it matters either way” The pain starting to build up even more now that you are having to argue your case.
“I have refused your offer, Mr Bridgton, I do fear that Ester had some truth in her words and I feel a headache coming on. I think it best that you leave for the day” You aren’t lying per se, you have had a headache for the best part of the day.
“But why not? I do apologise, but I am simply confused. You are not intended to another, and you are not interested in anyone else, so why refuse my offer.” He states.
“At least agree to court me, and then you can make your decision afterwards, at least let me have a chance to show you how I care for you.”
You are starting to get frustrated, and the pain in your head has started to become unbearable, like someone smashing pots and pans together, you feel a ringing in your ears, and you almost want to throw up.
“I am not well!” you explode, your breathing is ragged as your chest moves quickly. The pain in your temples is more present than ever, cringing you move to push your forefinger and thumb to either side of your nose bridge and start to pinch, hoping that brute force would almost will the pain to subside.
‘Pathetic’ you think to yourself, ‘I can’t even argue correctly, must everything I do be muddled with pain?’ You try and calm your breathing, focusing on the feeling of your fingers on your face, the clothes you are wearing, your breathing, anything to try and calm the pain down before it loses control.
There is a strange tension between the both of you, a quiet blanket that has been placed over the room as you do not know what to say.
“I am not well sir… I have not been for quite some time” you start again, still pressing your finger and thumb into the sockets below your eyebrows.
“Ester was right. I am riddled with pain, every day. I cannot dress without the pain, eat without it, speak, walk, laugh; live without it, I am tormented by it…” You begin to feel a sharp pain behind your eyes as tears start to fall onto your cheeks. Realising that by unravelling this thread that you would not be able to stop, you cannot tangle it back up again and simply throw it into your sewing box never to be spoken about again.
“I cannot be who you want me to be, I cannot offer you anything. It hurts to live, and I cannot burden you with that, you would be throwing away your freedom if I were to agree to your request. Do you want that? To be saddled with an intended that cannot do the simplest of tasks without the burden of pain?” You seem to burst out into a frenzy of words.
Without giving him a chance to argue back you move to stand, using a hand to brace yourself on the side of the chair you are occupying, you push down to give your body the momentum to move, your elbow shaking as it strains under the surplus of weight it is not normally used to. You curse yourself for not bringing your cane with you.
You pause while trying to catch your breath, frustrated that you simply cannot run out of the room and hide after such a shocking outburst, left to just stand there trying to muster up the strength and energy to try and move towards the door. With your head tilted down you were fortunate enough that you could not see his face, which was one of pain and shock.
Starting again you move towards the door, gripping the backs of chairs and the edges of side tables, with your back turned you don’t see Benedict moving as well, like a kicked puppy wanting to be comforted he follows behind you, he does keep his distance, not wanting to upset you further than you already are.
As you place your hand on the door, dropping it down so you are grabbing the handle, you feel a presence behind you. From the corner of your vision, you see a hand place itself on the door. You slowly turn around to face him, you thank some part of him that he is not crowding you up against the door, that he has given you some space.
“Please let me go, let me go. You can be free, you can move on, let me be.” you pleaded, looking up at him, your eyes flitting over his face looking for a sign, any sign that would indicate that he headed your prayer. You slowly focus on his eyes, looking within them, your breath hitches as all you see is a kindness so gut-wrenching it makes you feel physically sick.
There is no malice, no pity, or any inclination that he will follow your word. All you see within his gaze is kindness, one of love and hope. You start to feel overwhelmed, having such a kind affectionate gaze homed in on you. You think back to all the times you caught his gaze; at balls, gatherings, when he would come to speak to you, when he came to visit today to ask to court you. You think about how there was no pity within his stare, no sympathy, no looks of “such a shame, one so young yet so ill,” none of that.
You start to think about how you have brushed him off, how you have ignored him, at times even running away from him, too wrapped up in your melancholy to even look, actually look at how he was gazing at you, too scared to even admit that someone might even look at you within out an ounce of pity.
You start to think about how you could allow this, the love and admiration of another person, how this could happen. Could this happen? Could you willingly put your anxieties aside and let someone in, could they be your rock, could they hold you when the pain becomes overwhelming, suffocating you, pulling you down into despair?
Could you let him? As this question appears within your mind you feel a spark, like flint and rock smashing together, start within you. It is almost unnerving, unnatural. You have not felt this for an extraordinarily long time, almost losing belief that you could ever feel it again.
Hope. Hope that you could be loved and cherished, that you could have someone there for your bad days, as well as your good days where you could go for a walk or a carriage ride, where you could go to socials and visit family.
This line of thought left you almost breathless, as you still stood within the drawing room of your home. Slightly pressed up against the door, with one of your hands behind your back on the handle as you were trying to escape…again.
As this chaos was happening within your head, Benedict slowly brought his hand to your cheek, hesitating as if unsure if his action would cause you more pain than comfort.
Pushing the feeling of guilt down, you take a leap of faith by slowly moving your head towards him, tilting it so your cheek rests within his palm. You flinch slightly, Benedict moving his band away from you, nervous that he might have caused you more anguish. Quickly you stop him, bringing your other hand to cage his, gently placing his hand back onto your face, cupping your cheek and jaw slightly through his hand.
“It…it did not hurt that much, I was just surprised is all” you whispered “It has been a very long time since anyone has held my face this way” You can feel your reserve beginning to crack, you pushed forward, that small spark of hope within you starting to burn brighter.
“It is quite lovely actually, I don’t have to use as much energy to hold my head up when it is being held for me” you ramble, trying to ease the tension and hopefully his nerves.
“I see” he replies slowly, looking over you to make sure that his actions are not upsetting you in any way. Slowing analysing your features, sketching your appearance in his mind, unsure if he might get an opportunity to be this close to you again.
Bringing his focus to your eyes he is startled at what he finds, hope. A small whisp of it, and while surrounded by what he can assume is anxieties and doubt, he is so certain that it is there.
“If you would let me” he continues “it would be an honour to hold your head for you if only for a moment, to provide but a small reprieve.” Realising that you are not stopping him from speaking, he continues.
“You are so extraordinarily strong, a remarkable person. Willing to take on so much and push through it all, despite the load you carry” he feels your head rest slightly more in his hand, seeing your eyes fluttering before you shut them for a moment. He is worried slightly that he might have messed up, saying something that pushed you down into the darkness rather than bringing you up into the light. However, as you open your eyes again, slowly raising your focus from his chest to his face, then to meet his gaze once more, he disregards his previous concern. He can see that spark burning ever so slightly brighter.
You gently pressed his hand between your own and your face, turning the latter into his palm so that your lips were ever so gently touching below his thumb. If he would be so bold he could move the digit with a feather-like touch across your cheek and wipe away any tear marks from earlier.
“But you do not have to carry this load alone, I am not sacrificing my freedom wanting to be with you” parroting one of your earlier statements with earnestness.
“I am not sacrificing anything, I come forward willingly, I come to you after hearing about you and your life. I come to you as a willing partner if you would have me. Allow me to carry some of your load, let me hold your head and hands for you. Allow me the honour of holding you during your dark moments as well as your light.”
“I want to be there for you, with you, I am not here out of pity, I am here out of admiration and love. I fear that if I loved you any less, I would be able to talk about it more, my heart is but a reflection of you.” He felt like he was rambling, struggling to find the words to convey his true feelings, how he was frazzled by you, in a way he had not been before.
There was a pause and he started to doubt himself, his words, and his abilities before he saw a subtle movement from the outskirts of his vision.
As you looked into his eyes you could feel your grip on the door handle slipping, becoming less tense, less firm. Overcome with emotions from Benedict’s confession your hand goes limp, falling from the handle completely.
As you stare into his eye you slowly bring now limp hand up towards his face, almost parallel to his still cupping onto your own. You move slowly, akin to a dazed animal who is wary of any sudden movements; as you reach, you settle your arm on his chest resting so that your palm now cups his jawbone.
Benedict sees the movement, your hand dropping and moving up, towards him, he feels like he might faint, being able to touch you is one thing, but you, touching him is something he did not consider. He shuts his eyes, almost squeezing them closed not wanting to frighten you with how shocked he must look.
When you finally rest your hand against his chest, he felt like his heart must have stopped beating, he froze, willing himself to take a breath, to steel himself before opening his eyes.
For when he did, he was in awe, the spark that was once so dim, nearly stamped out was burning and it was burning bright.
“Do you mean it?” you ask, voice shaking slightly.
“With my whole heart, with the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. I will be by your side till you are through with me, till I drive you mad, till we are grey and even then, I will still hold your head for you so you can rest for a while.” Benedict tries to convey every ounce of his emotions that he feels so you can be sure that you are fully aware of what he is experiencing.
“I think I would like that” your reply is rushed. Not wanting to waste a moment, not letting it run away or hide. You finally made your choice, you would let hope win, you would lose the battle but win the war and your victory prize did not seem all that bad.
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Potential ‘accidental baby acquisition’ storyline for Buck in season 8?
HenRen’s new foster daughter Mara is 9. In 7x07 (Ghost of a Second Chance), we find out she has a 2-year-old brother, Tyson. Her parents both died – but Tyson has a biological father, ‘with rights of his own’.
911 has always foreshadowed storylines well before they happen. One example I can think of right away is Jeff’s leg injury in 2x02 (7.1) foreshadowing Buck’s in 2x18 (This Life We Choose)
From the Coach saying “This kid is a son to me” to Bobby being the one to get him out, reassuring him all the way and finally yelling “Make sure he keeps that leg,” all of it was thematically echoed back nearly a whole season later when Buck got crushed under the ladder truck. There are other examples of the same thing that I can’t remember right now.
So, when I was watching 7x07 and heard “He's a biological parent. He gets to decide what's best for his son” I couldn’t help but wonder.
Is Mara’s story foreshadowing a potential ‘accidental baby acquisition’ storyline for Buck in season 8?
It could be a later season, too. The only reason I think it might be in season 8 is because Maddie was 9 when Daniel died – and Buck was 1. Had he only just turned 1, or was he 1 nearly 2? Because Mara is 9 – and Tyson is 2… Connor & Kameron’s son was delivered (by Buck, no less) in 6x18 (Pay It Forward) and could be anywhere from 6 months to 1 year old in canon time now. Time lines are messy in 911 verse so that’s a complete guess. By the time season 8 comes around, that baby boy might well be 2 years old.
Am I making something out of nothing? Who knows. All I know is that 911 likes foreshadowing – and they’ve been doing an awful lot of very fan ficcy tropes this season. So why not add a bit of accidental baby (toddler) acquisition for Buck as well? If Connor and Kameron should sadly die and leave the little lad an orphan, well there’s a biological father right there…
#Give that man a baby#accidental baby acquisition#911 speculation#911 spoilers#evan buckley#911 abc#buck#foreshadowing#911 meta
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The Arrangement. Part Fourteen
Part Thirteen
Warnings: Smut, unedited, NSFW
Part Fourteen:
I'd always imagined Hell would be warmer than this, but I was wrong. It's ice cold.
Frigid and unrelenting.
Fighting with Colby Brock felt like Hell on Earth.
Impossible and heart-stopping.
It had been less than 24 hours since we fought, but it felt like an eternity. Each second is as unbearable as the last. I could feel his rage all over the house, even without him uttering a single word. A rage that was well-earned even if I wished that it wasn't. This was my fault and I knew it. I'd been angry with him for something he couldn't change and instead of being supportive, I pushed him away. I was the reason for this season of Hell and I didn't know how to change it. I started with taking our daughter over to my father's house for the weekend, deciding that she didn't need to be around for whatever was going to come next. I'd never seen Colby so upset with me, but I knew (on some level) that we could get through this. I would just have to be brave and initiate it myself.
I could do that...
...Right?
I find myself pacing the floor in front of our bedroom. My head is low as I continue to mentally prepare for our conversation in my head. From behind the door, I hear his voice on the phone, but I don't listen to the words he's saying. Instead, I wait for him to finish his phone call and for silence before I dare to knock on the door. The events from the night before had been on my mind all night and all day. It's been haunting me and I couldn't shake the look of hurt that had been on his face when I left him behind. That look had etched itself into my brain and tugged at my heartstrings in the worst way imaginable. My knock on the door is eerily loud in our quiet cottage. The tension from behind the door is thick enough to cut with a knife. I can feel his pale blue gaze from behind the door and I can imagine the look on his face. I don't wait for him to tell me to come in, instead, I reach for the door handle and slowly open the door. The room is dark, with only the dim light of his lamp on his nightstand to accompany the both of us. His eyes look at me sadly, his face serious as I step inside our room and close the door behind me. For a moment neither of us speaks, we watch each other cautiously. He's lying in our bed, his back leaning against the metal headboard. He's not wearing anything but a pair of black sweatpants that hang low on his body. My eyes study every inch of his exposed chest and feel my breathing hitch. I know that he can see the blush that forms on my cheeks, but he doesn't say anything.
He's so angry and I can feel it.
I reach inside the pocket of my strapless pink floral dress and pull out my peace offering. My breathing is uneven as I pull out a pair of handcuffs, the ones he kept in his office for moments like this.
The moments where I needed to be punished.
Cautiously, I watch him as I slowly move forward. His eyes move along my body silently as he licks his lips, mischief in his eyes when the metal of the cuffs catches his eyes. I knew that this wouldn't change the fact that we needed to talk about what happened, but this was my attempt at easing the tension. Extending a sexual olive branch if you will. His hands reach out to take the handcuffs out of my hands, his hands lightly brushing mine in the process. The cool exterior of him was still there, the trances of anger still evident on his face, but he looked slightly more inviting. He places the handcuffs on his nightstand before reaching out to grab me, his hands pulling my body down on top of his. He has me straddling him, his eyes taking me in. The pink floral dress was very short, the bust line low, leaving little to the imagination.
"Mr. Brock..."
I whimper as his hands find my outer thighs, his thumbs tracing slow deliberate circles lightly along my skin. The sensation causes a chill to move up my spine, my breathing hitching once more as I move my hands along his chest. I trace over his abs and give him a doe-eyed look. A look that causes him to bite his lip.
"... I've been a bad wife. I think I might need to be punished."
He slowly lifts up the fabric of my dress, bringing the silk further up my thighs. His normally light blue eyes seem to darken a few shades as he debates what he wants to do with me. I drag my hands lower along his body, mentally hoping he's going to make his decision soon. His hands lightly trace up my legs pausing once he realizes I hadn't bothered to put on any underwear. A look of cruel intent washes over him as he moves his hands to rest on either side of my ass. Slowly he uses his hands to hold me in place as he grinds my body against his, which causes me to gasp when I feel how hard he is beneath me. He chuckles at the sound of my gasp, the small sound seeming to echo off of the walls of our bedroom. He savored the sounds he pulled from me, like a meal he didn't want to end. He forces me to grind against him once more, his eyes focused on me with an intensity that feels overwhelming. This time when I gasp, I note the way his smirk grows. I can feel how wet he's making me, but I try to remember this isn't about what I want. This is about what he wants. This was my olive branch and he could do with it what he wanted.
His chest rises and falls in quick succession. He grips my hips harshly as he growls his first command.
“Keep rolling your hips for me baby doll. I like watching you squirm as my cock grazes your pussy.”
For a moment I’m hesitant to do as I’ve been told, knowing full well that rolling my hips along his hardened cock would be more torture for me. But I do as I’ve been told. This was a part of my punishment and I had to face it head-on. I slowly roll my hips over his prominent bulge. His head resting on the headboard as he watches me through a heated gaze. The sensation of him grazing against my needy sex only makes me want him inside of me more. Each movement further drenching me. I try to focus on not cuming as he bucks his hips to meet the roll of mine. He watches me in quiet fascination as I bite down on the bottom of my lip. A feeble attempt to not be a moaning mess.
“Let me hear how pretty you sound Emilia.”
His smirk taunts me as he bucks his hips up once more, harshly brushing my aching core once more. Part of me feels like I am going to shatter as if I’m glass teetering over the edge of breaking.
“Fuck, Colbs.”
I whimper breathlessly. Hearing his name on my lips caused him to snap. Without warning his hands slide up from where they’d been on my hips. He reaches for the bust line of my dress. He slowly rips the fabric into pieces. I don’t know why he feels the need to tear my clothes off, but it always did something to me that I couldn’t expalin. HIs eyes fall onto my exposed chest as he leans forward so he can capture my left breast into his mouth. He sucks harshly. The sensation making me dizzy. His lips are relentless and uncaring. Marking me up as his tongue makes each swipe along my skin count.
My head spins further as his hands lightly trace my stomach, memorizing every inch as he does this. Almost like he’ll never get to touch me like this again.
“What happened the other night won’t happen again Emilia. From now on we don’t go to bed angry with each other. We talk through things, we communicate, and we remember we are on the same team.”
I nod through my heated daze. My heart beat quickening when I feel his hands move from my torso, snaking up to my hair. He pulls my hair lightly, enough to force me to look at him. He stops his assault on my breast so he can study me. His lips are swollen from his thorough marking of my body.
“Tell me you understand Emilia. I need words baby doll.”
It takes me a second to truly focus on what he’s said and to remember how to speak a coherent sentence.
“I understand Colby.”
The words fall from my lips in an uneven whimper. Our eyes remained locked for a few moments, his gaze intense as he makes sure to drive the point home. I knew that what had happened the other night couldn’t happen again. We had a daughter now and it was crucial for us to set a good example for her. I couldn’t be shutting down and running away. I make a silent promise to never do that again as Colby uses my silence to his advantage.
He flips our bodies so I’m underneath him in seconds. My head is spinning as he does this, so much so that I don’t realize that he’s lifted my hands over my head and cuffed me to our headboard within seconds. Momentarily I feel like the breath has been knocked out of me. A sensation that doesn’t stop as he guides his lips to mine. I groan against his lips, the kiss aggressive and assertive. My body arching into his with a desperate need. I feel my arms strain against the cool metal of the cuffs. I can feel myself wishing that I could touch him. But all I could do is lay there, completely at his mercy. He deepens the kiss, chuckling darkly as he feels me strain against the cuffs once more.
“Bad wives don’t get to touch their husbands when they’ve misbehaved.”
He groans the words against my lips. I can feel myself getting completely caught up in his kiss but I’m quickly interrupted by the sensation of his hands traveling down my body. Slowly cascading down every curve of my body with wicked intention. In the wake of his touch, I can feel goosebumps rise along my skin. His lips unrelenting as I feel him drift lower and lower along my body. His fingertips finally moving against my clit, lightly resting against it. He doesn’t move, just keeps his fingers against my bundle of nerves, contemplating what he’s going to do to me. I break the kiss and let out a breathy moan, my gaze catching his as I do. His smirk never leaves his face as he watches how much of a mess I am beneath him. My torn clothes and exposed body pathetically needy for more of him.
“You never should’ve initiated this Emilia…”
He pauses as he lightly applies pressure to my clit, a careful swipe along the swollen bud. He uses his thumb to trace a light circle along my clit. His eyes never leave me as he watches my face contort with want, my breathing shallow, and my arms pulling against the cuffs. A dark chuckle brushes against his lips when I give him a pleading look. He grazes my clit again, before slowly pumping two fingers inside of me. He’s so slow that every slight movement inside of me sends a chill up my spine.
“... I am going to punish you thoroughly. You have no idea what I am going to do to you.”
I give him a wide-eyed look of innocence as he finally pushes his fingers as deeply into me as he can. He contiues to watch me unaplogetically. Clearly unfazed by the look on my face. He slowly moves his fingers in and out of me, focused on the way my body reacts. Noting how my body is shaking beneath him, the way my chest rises and falls in desperation.
Mentally I wish I hadn’t started this. He felt so fucking good, but I also knew that he would drag this out for as long as possible. He continues pumping his digits in and out, feeling my walls tightening around him. He’s going fast enough for it to feel incredible, but not fast enough to give me the release I desperately needed.
“I am so sorry Colby. I swear that it won’t happen again.”
My voice sounds as pathetic as I feel. A sound that causes him to laugh bitterly as he slowly curls his fingers inside of me. A slight action that makes my sensitive core flutter momentarily.
“Oh baby doll, I know that you’re sorry. You wouldn’t have started this if you hadn’t been…”
His voice stops for a moment, his smirk growing when he pumps and curls his fingers at a slightly faster rate. He gives me a fake look of sympathy as I mewl in distress. A sound that appears to be music to his ears.
“... Damn do you sound pretty as I pump this sweet little pussy.”
He watches the way the muscles in my stomach clench, my walls tightening around his fingers. My body giving all of the signs that I am in need of a release. Another dark chuckle brushes past his lips as he starts to move his fingers at a quicker pace. I force myeslf to not completely lose my mind when he does this. To not fuck his fingers, but my hips have a mind of their own. They’re eager for any friction they can get, but just as my body starts to feel like there’s a chance he might let me cum, he stills his actions.
He pulls his fingers out of me, leaving me empty and hopeless.
“Colby…”
I gasp.
“... Please. Baby, please I am so sorry. Please I’ll do whatever you want. Just please don’t tease me like this.”
I sound so stupid when I say this, my words begging. I’d brought this onto myself. I walked in here and extended the metaphorical olive branch. I knew there was nothing I could do to change his mind. His brow furrows and he tuts quietly as he watches me. One hand brushed some of my hair out of my face.
“In all of the years we’ve been married, you’ve never called me baby. Are you trying to butter me up? Think that calling me something sweet could change my mind?”
My body aches with want. Had I been trying to be manipulative? No, but I could see how he could’ve taken it that way.
“What if I called you Colby-Kins? Would that make you feel sorry for your needy wife?”
I ask, playing along. My joke of a nickname causes Colby, to break out of his dominating act. A genuine smile pulling at his lips for a brief second.
“You’re fucking cute baby doll…”
He pauses the smile on his face returning to the smirk he’d been wearing all night.
“... But I’m too committed to teaching you a lesson to stop now.”
He pushes his body up off of mine. He stands up and gets up off of the bed, watching me closely as he slides his sweats off. He seems amused by the fact that my eyes are focused on his exposed cock, hard and dripping with pre-cum. He notices how hugnry my eyes are and how my legs squeeze together when he returns to our bed, his naked body descending onto mine. His lips move back to mine, deepening the kiss instantly. A groan passes his lips as his chest lays flush against mine. The feeling of his skin on mine was otherworldly. He brushes his hardened member along the slick of my entrance but doesn’t push inside of me. Instead, he rubs the tip of his dick along my clit. I whimper beneath him, my hips eagerly lifting in an attempt at some sort of friction. He guides his hands to spread my legs further.
“I need you Colby. I need you inside of me. Please baby, you’ve made your point.”
I mumble the words against his lips, an action that forces him to pull back to look at me. His blue eyes search my face. For the first time, since I walked into the room, he’s looking at me without any anger. As if he’s started to forgive me for my actions the night before. He studies me closely for a few quiet seconds before breathing a deep sigh.
“Well, since you asked so nicely.”
He whispers, his cock sliding past my soaked folds without warning. My head falls back into the pillow, my body feeling euphoric now that he’s fully inside of me. He doesn’t move for a second, just remains still as he gives my body a moment to enjoy the sensation of him inside of me. He moves his lips to my collarbone as he starts to move, slowly like he’s making love to me.
No longer punishing me.
He didn’t make love to me often. We mainly fucked until we were a heaping mess, but this was different. His lips on my collarbone are light kisses, not possessive markings. His hands roam my body with careful consideration. He holds me closely as he thrusts with each caring roll of his lips. I wrap my legs around his torso and gasp as his hands lightly grasp my hips once more, lifting them up so he can thrust inside of me deeper. He’s so deep inside of me that I can feel him in my stomach, his movements careful. A moan pushes past my lips and I feel his cock starting to twitch with anticipation. He’s getting closer to coming undone and I can feel myself also reaching a release.
“Do you want me to fill your sweet little pussy up with my cum?”
He rasps, his lips moving from my collarbone. He peers down at me waiting for an answer, allowing me a moment to catch my breath.
“Yes. Fuck, please fill me up with your cum.”
I whimper, my walls starting to tighten with a new level of need. I needed to release and I needed to do it as soon as possible. He nods, his lips moving against mine. Slowly he kisses me as if it was the last time that he would.
“Cum with me baby doll.”
He commands, words mumbled against my lips. I move my hips to meet his thrusts, each one messier and messier as we both start to come undone. I feel my body shake as I cum, my body finally getting a release after over an hour of torture. The bliss I feel as he cums inside of me brings me back to that same dizzying sensation I’d had earlier. I’m unable to focus on anything else, as I feel him shoot his cum deep inside of me, his lips no longer on mine. Instead, he watches me as I let my body enjoy everything he’s given me.
Once we’ve both finished, he pulls out of me. He reaches for the nightstand on his side of the bed and pulls out the keys that goes to the cuffs. He undoes the cuffs and lightly takes my hands in his. Around my wrists are indents from how hard I’d been straining against the cuffs, red rings that prove how desperately I wanted to touch him.
“Do they hurt?”
He asks me, lightly tracing over the marks before bring each hand up to his lips. Giving the marks a kiss, before looking back at me. His handsome face seems troubled by the state of me. Any other time we’d used a restraint I hadn’t been left with marks, but this time was different. He looks ashamed with himself as I give a faint yes nod. I hadn’t realized that they hurt until now. After I was done being overstimulated by him and his torture. A torture that I enjoyed every second of. Slowly, I sit up in the bed and move my hands from his. I guided them to either side of his handsome face, our eyes fixated on one another.
“Hey, I loved every second of that. Next time I won’t pull on them so hard. I just wanted to touch you so badly.”
He nods, placing his hands over the top of mine. We don’t speak for several seconds, just remain entangled and in each other’s arms. I feel his fingers toying with my wedding rings as he pulls my hands from his face. He continues to hold onto me, but this time he breathes a deep sigh.
“I have an investigation going for the sex tape I created with Shea. We are going to get every copy she has and wipe it from existence. I’m sorry I did it and I’m sorry she harrassed you at our event. She won’t be getting into another one.”
I give him a look of sympathy when he says this. I knew the biggest reason I’d been so upset the night before was based on the fact that the sex tape had been created and could ruin everything we’ve built. Yes, our marriage had been arranged, but we’d done something with that. We had a family and a business. A jealous ex didn’t need to derail that. I had also been incredibly jealous when I found out about the tape. Knowing that he filmed it the night before we were married, that he’d promised to love her despite our marriage, it made something inside of me snap. He didn’t owe me loyalty then, hell we hadn’t met before our wedding. It made sense that he had someone he was with before us, but a dark part of me was so jealous that it had been her. Someone who was still seemingly calling the shots.
Even after all of these years.
I couldn’t fault her entirely, if Colby left me the way he left her I’d be pissed. But I needed to not punish him for something that happened before we were us.
“I was jealous. That’s why I got so upset last night. I know that I was going on about how you’d hurt her, but the more I think about it the more I realize I was only pissed because I was jealous. I mean before me you had an entire life. With these glamorous women who have money and you got stuck with me. Some poor girl who sold herself to save her dad. I was jealous because you loved her. And how could you not? She's beautiful. And I’m just me, I’m nothing.”
My confession hangs in the air for a moment. Silence falling between the both of us. I pull my gaze from his when I see the sympathy that finds his face as he studies me closely. His hands move from mine, and feel his right hand move under my chin. He lightly grips me as he forces me to look up at him, his eyes soft.
“You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever known. You’re so strong and beautiful. You’re graceful and calm. Smart and refined. The best mother to our daughter and you’re fucking sexy as hell. And I’ve been yours from the moment I laid eyes on you. There hasn’t been anyone else since I became yours. Shea was only at that party the day after we got married because the party had been planned weeks before I even knew I was getting married. But I’m yours Emilia Brock, only yours. You’re not nothing, you’re everything to me.”
I press my lips together to keep them from trembling, tears brimming in my eyes. No one had ever said anything this nice to me. No one other than Colby. I should’ve known better than to be jealous of someone else. He’d never given me a reason to doubt his devotion to me. Even before he told me he loved me, he’d always been quick to say that I was his to care for.
“I love you Colby.”
I whisper, my lips moving against his. He groans as he pulls me forward, my naked body being pulled onto his naked lap. I deepen the kiss and my hands are in his hair. His hands hold me firmly in place.
“I love you too baby doll.”
He rasps. I smile and lean my head against his, feeling his cock getting hard beneath me. I can’t help but giggle as I look at him.
“How about it Colby-Kins? You up for round two?”
He clenches his jaw as I grind against him. My sex already ready for him to make love to me once again. His eyes seem to go a few shades darker as he nods silently. Aligning himself with me for the second time tonight.
“I’m up for as many rounds as you can handle.”
#colby brock#colby brock fanfic#colby brock smut#sam and colby#sam and colby fanfiction#sam and colby smut#colby brock imagine#colby x reader#colby brock x reader
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So I’ve been doing a little bit of thinkin’ after the two new episodes of Who about Susan Twist and I had a lightbulb moment I haven’t really seen anyone else talking about just yet.
Spoilers ahead for Wild Blue Yonder, Church on Ruby Road, Space Babies, and the Devil’s Chord. Ok, onto the theory!
We all know Susan Twist is going to be more than just an Easter Egg, but I think everyone is taking the actress’s name too literally. She’s not playing Susan.
She’s The One Who Waits.
She’s there. Always in the background. On the periphery. Watching. Waiting. Because everything leads back to her.
And the first time we see her is in the scene that has the first major world shift in the episode that set up this entire plotline about invoking superstition at the edge of the universe and letting something through.
And who do we encounter pretty much immediately after? The embodyment of Play (Toymaker). And then a little later in we meet the embodyment of Music (Maestro).
Which raises the next part of my theory: What is The One Who Waits the embodyment of?
Death
Death just sits, and waits, and watches, biding their time because everything has its time and Death comes for everything in the end.
And every time we’ve seen her, things start going really wrong. In WBY, she was one of the last people we saw before the Tardis landed on the spaceship, Donna almost died, and the Doctor almost let a NotWe loose on the universe. In Ruby Road, she’s watching Ruby and her friends perform the same night they nearly get crushed by the giant snowman head. She was one of the crew in Space Babies who were forced to leave the station and abandon all those babies to die. And in Devil’s Chord she was in the cafeteria when Paul and John are talking to the Doctor and Ruby about music before getting angry and leaving which, had the Doctor not intervened, would’ve lead to literal nuclear winter.
I feel like too many people are focusing on just the previous lore from the past 60 years which, for any other context makes sense. But this isn’t your granny’s Doctor Who anymore. The tone shift started in WBY means we need to think outside the Blue Box (that’s bigger on the inside) to figure it all out and for once, I think being into SuperWhoLock may have finally paid off! The NotWes are shapeshifters. The Bogeyman was basically a thought form (tulpa). The literal baby eating, musical goblins. The Toymaker and Maestro are both functionally gods. And which god waits patiently in the background?
Death.
It’s not a perfect 1 to 1 with Supernatural but if you find the midpoint between the two everything starts to click into place.
The final Big Bad of the season is The One Who Waits which is Death and not even the Doctor can fully cheat death, they can just keep running. So in the end the Doctor doesn’t actually defeat Death. He just traps them or delays them enough to get away so he can just keep running.
(Also Mrs. Flood is just a normal human who’s past was changed by the Doctor. In the start of the episode, before the Doctor properly meets Ruby (I don’t count the encounter at the club) she has no clue what the Tardis is. But as soon as the thing happens on the roof her past changed to include an encounter with the Doctor when she was younger (I think it’s going to be the episode with the slug things we’ve seen in the trailers because there’s a girl with blonde bangs in a season where coincidence is the driving force behind everything so it has to mean something) which is why her entire personality shifts by the end and she becomes nicer and suddenly knows about the Tardis and knows that Ruby has to go with the Doctor. She’s not Susan or Ruby’s mom. She’s just someone they save along the way.) 
#doctor who spoilers#dw spoilers#susan twist#mrs flood#doctor who#the doctor#ruby sunday#15th doctor#fifteenth doctor#ncuti gatwa#millie gibson#anita dobson#wild blue yonder#the church on ruby road#space babies#the devils chord#honestly this whole thing could be a massive reach#but lately it seems like when i make a prediction it comes true#i even predicted my cousins wedding being canceled two years ago when she first announced her engagement#like i have REALLY been living up to the name kassandra#i am fully prepared to be proven wrong#but there does seem to be a lot of clues in the show that appear to be pointing in that direction#but only time will tell#imagine if i am right though#thatd be kind of awesome
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notes after rewatching fallout s1 ep1
so once again like a crazy person [i've done this with star wars sequels before] i've decided to take three and half pages of notes over the course of an hour. i've been a fan of the games for at least a decade and i'm actually always watching lore content between the installments though so while i do know some minute details, within the show, there was some things i was interested in and curious about that i just decided to jot down. some of this may be things discussed already and some of it might be something i wasn't sure if anyone brought up before but anyways! maybe i'll do the whole season, but here's my ramblings
• them titling the episode "the end" was when i knew i'd love the show
• ok but i really wonder if cooper can still do those party tricks? he was really good at them and lucy would probably love them too 🥺
• thinking back, the radio in the first scene mentions not knowing where the president is--- beginning to wonder if he was the guy sitting in on the vault tec meeting
• just realized they introduced the mr. handy robot in some of the first scenes
• ten years of nuclear threat according to anchor but the show is careful not to give away all the cards because why does the weather anchor make it seem like they know when the bomb will drop? idk but birthday boy mother turns off tv real "head in the sand" like
• the nat king cole song that's playing though [wondering if the song is mirroring specifically cooper's feelings about barb despite everything hmm]
• horse's name is sugarfoot 🥹
• him having to pay alimony... wonder wgat the prenup? was like... [still think he probably loves barb 😞]
• them calling him a pinko despite him being an architect of vault boy's persona, a quintessential presentation of a "man's man" acting as a cowboy, a real cowboy, a former marine--- wondering if there was a smear campaign after his situation with barb and vault tec, him working children's parties leads me to believe...
• did the kid's say the birthday boy's name was boyd? [if so, there's another character in the games with this name and this is also the name of a character walton has played in another series, funny]
• weather man show's up again distressed, wondering if we'll get more info about that day
• everyone ignoring, cognitive dissonancing their own nuclear annihilation is so prescient if not disturbing and damning
• him teaching janey the thumb thing ☹️
• cooper's voice when he says "let me see if i can't rustle you up a piece" 😩
• janey being the only one to notice the first bomb
• the fear in cooper's eyes
• cooper being in denial one last time before realization sets in
• people becoming animals the moment they realize what's happening--- one guy punches his friend not letting his family into the fallout shelter
• people getting into their cars and cooper onto his horse to escape--- wonder how fast they could be since it doesn't seem you could outrun nuclear annihilation
• lucy being raised so well under the circumstances 😔 [hope she never becomes her father]
• i haven't trusted steph since episode one
• lucy being a teacher [amongst other things] and asking maximus about what happened after the bombs fell makes so much sense [and also much like another person suggested is an interesting juxtaposition to cooper's pre war knowledge]
• lucy showing how skilled she is for being a marriage candidate when in reality we are seeing someone fit for the wasteland is crazy on second watch
• is lucy not watching a cooper howard movie with her dad? hello??
• them reading "war and peace" in the family book club is rich
• lucy [thinking] she's not good at guns, ironic
• steph having to step in like a sisterly type because lucy's mom isn't there 😞
• the wedding dress on lucy being ill fitting, tight as symbolism for lucy not truly "fitting in there" and being constrained [foreshadowing] oof
• the vault boy sign in the back saying "don't lose your head" lmao
• didn't catch the "cousin stuff" until someone mentioned it on tumblr and twitter 💀
• the flashback we see of lucy ending up being almost a false memory, a misrepresentation of her actual memories, that she has been on the surface, in the sun
• norm taunting lucy about her future husband being "anybody" and a "cannibal, crammed full of tumours" 😭 unfortunately for ghoulcy, this was some of the heaviest foreshadowing [the raider also could have been one too]
• why didn't hank recognize moldaver?
• so many things i still don't understand about vaults 31, 32, 33
• the growing realization they are raiders was pretty funny to me lmao
• moldaver having to sit through the disingenuous lies of hank ugh
• norm going into vault 32 like they wanted them to know what was up? or is that just how vault doors work? they used lucy's mom's pip boy [that hank lied about burying]
• lucy putting norm in a protection vault, she really is so strong
• the handed down wedding dress getting messed up
• i am curious if the raiders [shady sands survivors?] only mostly harmed vault tec aligners but maybe not
• the way hank and steph retaliating a little too well
• hank acting like he doesn't know moldaver when everyone really does know moldaver
• moldaver telling lucy she looks like her mother is really such a tipoff
• realizing maximus is getting bullied 😭
• dane... might love maximus a little idk
• from latrine duty to basically ruling over the brotherhood of steel
• they really showed some dude jacking it lmao it's just normal i guess 💀
• maximus being defeated and having a rightful outburst of emotion, poor guy
• the poster saying "the outside world can never harm you"--- funny
• chet would've died up there 😭
• them not opening the vault back up for her, wondering if the vapourized bodies are from the initial bomb drop or the subsequent shady sands ones
• dane almost gets maximus killed three times tbh
• maximus joined the brotherhood of stell to get back at what vault tec did, essentially hank's doing, hank has many enemies
• knowing the enclave, it makes sense why siggi is hunted
• cooper the ghoul's introduction though
• the bounty hunter saying his captors dig cooper up every once in a while to cut pieces of flesh off him 😞 no wonder cooper acts the way he does 😔 he's been taken advantage of, no wonder he doesn't trust anybody is horrible to everyone
• "why is this an amish production of "the count of monte cristo" or the weirdest circle jerk i've ever been invited to?" why would he say this 😭
• cooper's... been invited to circle jerks 👀
• does the bounty hunter know the ghoul is cooper howard?
• him not harming the chicken, him healing dogmeat, there's something there, folks
• people only digging him to use him again 😞
• what a coincidence he's dug up just as lucy leaves the vault
• "i do this shit for the love of the game" he's a character, he's playing a character, real theatre kid
• hence why cooper is introduced as "the ghoul", cooper is long gone
• "us cowpokes, we take it as it comes" something about this lineee
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✨ Dragon Sera x GN Monster Hunter reader with these prompts:
6.) Accidentally wandering into dangerous territory during a mating season. Getting "hunted" by a monster who redeemed you as a suitable mate
"Slow down~? Little ___(human/monster type) you walked in during mating season ~ not stopping till your filled~"
4.) "Stop fucking moving~ just gonna claim you as my mate~ make you rightfully mine~"
Have a good day/night and Thanks!
OO~ interesting combos~;)
Also sorry I haven't been feeling to well- and busy with life-
Warning(s): feral Sera, BUT- not? Idk, mating season, knotting, ifk just- smut, not so nice sera at first(blame it on the season/hj), afab reader, blood/violence
Dragon! Sera x monster hunter!reader: "my mate"
Being a monster hunter meant you were strong. Resourceful. Able to detect things easily. BUT. That's not always the case. Given how your a recently appointed monster hunter. On your first mission. To scout out an area. How animals, people and even other monsters have gone missing.
You shuddered at the thought. Of how terrifying that thought is. Walking around, more, you grumbled softly, knowing one person you could ask if you could find hrr. Sera. A kind dragon lady you met years ago- you weren't sure how you befriended her. Especially given her higher rank status- that of a Queen in human terms. Even more surpised with how rarely she let a human see her.
But during this time. She'd run off. Hiding somewhere. You assumed she was hibernating - maybe like a bear? In a way-?
Grumbling, the more you walked, the less you noticed the towering figure stalking you closely. Watching your every move
A roar was heard, turning you went to grab your sword to defend yourself as the very beast you hunted for came charging. Claws outstretched as you paled. You were too late. You didn't notice the monster close to wrapped up in your thoughts - tearing up, you didn't expect your last moments would be like this
But it wasn't at all surpise. After all you are a Monster Hunter.
A deep snarl echoed loudly behind you. Before you could look- fhe very monster any other hunter went after fell- bloodied unmoving. Your now with an even more dangerous monster behind you. From the sudden abrupt shade from the sun.
It's tall. Towering over you, easily shielding you from the sun. The monster that was once cocky- eager to fight now, shaking bowing in submission to whatever. Whoever is behind you. A deep, loud echoing snarl sounded right above you. Glancing up, you couldn't help but flinch'
That- can't be Sera. Sera has a kind smile always no matter the situations. But here she was. Snarling down, baring her fangs, snarling at the creature that wanted to eat you. You've never seen her this mad. This irrated. Not since.. you swallowed tense, hoping your movements didn't cause her rage to turn to you. A clawed hand of hers landed on your armored shoulder. A deep snarl escaped her once more, never leaving the monsters gaze.
"They. Are. MY. Human."
She finally spoke. Snarling out her tail swishing as if she herself was offended from what the monster attempted. What they clearly wanted from you. You tensed up more- but you couldn't help but flush. Hers? You're hers? With a blink of your eyes, you don't even know what happened. But now- the demon laid in its blood her free clawed hand bloodied dripping od their injury as they shook sobbing, attempting to beg for Seras' forgiveness. For her help
But Sera is anything bur forgiving.
Turning she ushered you away- you weren't even sure what was going on. Where you were being taken. Million thoughts running through your head until you blinked. Finally realizing- your jn her cave. Infront of her nest.
A deep snarl escaped her as she towered over you once more. Almost like some wild feral beast rather than the calm, kind woman you're used to. Shakily with a smile, you waved awkwardly. "s-sera~ hi~ are you.. ok?" Careful to not alarm her as she watched you.
Before she began to move. Towards you. Getting closer and closer yet you couldn't will yourself tp move. Was she hungry? No. Even if she was shed never hurt you- she told you herself. But that look in her eyes. That must be hunger. But if she willingly came to you in such a state.
What was she hungry for?
"You" she spoke with a start. Watching you carefully her tail flickering impatient. Which that- was also Odd. Sera is the most patient woman you've ever met. She has waited a month for your very response on forming a friendship with her. But now- she isn't. Like you were supposed to be aware. But your not
"I want you." She cut you off from the clear question you were about to ask."I want to breed you. Claim you. God's above, I wanted you from the very second I saw you." Gently ever so carefully, she cradled your face, panting heavily. That's when you realized. The clear signs.
The warnings.
It's mating season-
"Sera- i- are you-" with a nod she pushed against your front- the huge tent in her outfit pushed against your stomach as a clear sign
"I dreamed of this, my darling human." She spoke soft like she always does for you "I am on my rut. I can not be as gentle as I wanted our first to be." She hummed rubbing your cheeks softly "I can control myself right now. So I ask. Will you give me the honor of mating you? Claiming you?' She spoke softly- twitching against you as a soft purr escaped her
"You may refuse. I will never force you to spend this with me" she spoke up, seeing your confusion. Your inner debates "I will be honored with either way. I can control myself until you give an answer, but my darling, " she cooed, dragging your chin to face up at her "If you said yes. I would absolutely devore you. Unable to contain myself. I would be unruling- the effects of the season would put me in a way I never wished to be with you.. rough" she cooed smiling watching your flushed face
And to her normal standards she did wait. Making no moves whatsoever as hee crotch grew tighter. Feeling her dick twitch against your stomach as she easily ignored her impulses as she patiently waited your response
"Yes i.. I want you" you whispered, agreeing to her request. Not even needing to long to give the answer- after all. This is your Sera. You trusted her.
Didnt take long for her to get you in her arms. Eagerly pushing you onto her nest- she didn't even wait for you to strip your armor. Quickly, she leaned down. "Wait-!" You started before she growled shredding your metal armor as if to her it was paper. But it wasn't. She was purely showing you her strength. How easy it is to shred through the metal designed to protect humans from her. But it wasn't to scare you. It was to woe you. Showing how eager she was to breed you.
To have you as hers. That she can't even contain her excitement- from how you spread your legs without any hesitation for her- shredding her own clothes showing how hard her long- thick cock was for you- "gonna make do with my promise-" she snarled a deep purr of excitement came out as she lined herself up with your entrance- rubbing her tip on your entrance "Don't worry- I'll be slow~" slowly pushing into you- eagerly praising you- showering you in kisses- drying your tears with her lips in her wake.
"Doing good~ so good~"
The glimpse of the normal Sera. As if ahe slipped through the cracks of.. this Version. Of her on her rut. You smiled tearfully as she easily- slipped into you fully fitting herself all the way inside- how she managed from her sheer length and size? Was a mystery to you.
With a laugh, she shoved herself fully into you, pounding roughly biting any skin she could get too snarling. "Slow down~? Little human~ you walked in during mating season ~ not stopping till your filled~" she cooed in your ear, her unrelenting pace getting faster as she tail thumped excitedly at the thought of filling you up - claiming her prize "filled with me. My seed~ dripping of my cum~" she snarled out purring loudly
Not like you wanted to know - not with her finally inside. Slowly, she moved inside you, groaning loudly. A low moan escaped you both as she slowly tried to get you used to the feeling of her all the way in. Claiming you in all ways. "Fuck~" you choked out, clawing at the nest. So far gone, she quickly pounded into you "wait~ wait, sera!" You choked gasping under her, tearing up "s-slow- slow down~ "Not - not used to -" you choked, being cut off by her lips roughly kissing you
Yelping, you whined, arching your back off the ground, your pleas for her to slow down fell on deaf ears as you clawed her back crying out her name making her coo amazed leaning back to watch you fall apart on her cock. Staring at your shredded armor how it held little together- outshun from the markings she left on your skin.
"Can't even talk~?" She teased- it was so unlike her. How cruel she's being- how she practically hunted you. And now roughly mating you- choking out a moan rubbing her neck hearing the familiar purrs you gasped loudly around her
"Y-your ruts hitting you hard huh?" Shakily pulling her down kissing her- which she eagerly met. Claiming your lips biting them roughly yet mindful of her fangs. "G-go ahead~ take what you need ok~?"
That was all she needed to hold you rougher as if to stop you from moving your hips up into her' to claim you how she wanted to. How she eagerly pleased with you.
"Stop fucking moving~ just gonna claim you as my mate~ make you rightfully mine~" she snarled out panting over your grabbing your legs bending you so she could pound deeper into you rougher "fuck~ been dreaming of this~" she confessed watching your every move. How you arched your back cumming around her cock again qnd again how she fucked you dragged out rounds upon rounds. Not once making you milk her.
After all? How could it be fair for her to chase after her sweet release when her beloved mate deserves such a thing first?
And like any good mate. Sera wanted to make sure you were drunk off her cock first- glancing down watching how your slick- your cum made her shine more imprinting on her skin making it getting harder to pull out
"Think you can take my knot?" She cooed out watching you drunkenly nod a completely sobbing mess under her making her smirk smug. Gently pinching your sides pounding faster into you with a deep snarl hearing you beg for her- her instincts telling her to properly breed you-
To claim you as hers- licking her lips, watching you holding the nest under you, she hummed, "Brace yourself~" she growled our nuzzling your bitten bloodied neck from her- before finally pushing deep inside you- easily slipping her knot in before releasing- painting your insides with her cum- snarling loudly feeling how you squeezed around her tighter as If truly wanting to milk her dry-
Groaning her tail twitched, wagging slightly in content, kissing your tearfully face all over purring "that's a good mate~" she praised "taking my knot so well~" chirping loudly above you as she carefully laid on you smiling gently at how you slumped exhausted from the long round with her.
"Allow me to care for you after~? I'll clean you then.. I'll mate you again~" she cooed rubbing the marks she doesn't even remember making on your skin. "I'll be gentle~ soft. A soft slow love making~ a gentle mating session" she cooed out happily.
With a whine you sighed- that's the Sera you knew. The soft and gentle woman she was known for. Swallowing you nodded to tired to speak. Knowing- it's gonna be a very long night ahead of you
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Buck as Midge
okay so we get that Eddie is Johnny/Scottie and Kim is Judy in 911's version of Vertigo, and now with the poster shared on Tim Minear's FB, we now know that Buck is Midge. Midge, like a lot of people quickly figured out, was Scottie's ex-fiancee who is still harboring feelings for Scottie in the movie and has hopes that he will come around and see that she's the one for him. (which does not happen.) so let's focus on exactly how Buck fits in this version of Vertigo on 911.
so first of all, Buck is with Tommy. and with how positively that's been received, I highly doubt they're going to break up at the end of the season with Buck realizing he's in love with Eddie while Eddie is in the middle of a cheating arc. what I do think is going to happen is that Buck is going to act like Midge in that he's, like what he's been always like on the show, Eddie's confidant and ride or die. The person Eddie goes to when he's in trouble and the one that shows up when Eddie needs help, only to be pushed away because Eddie feels like no one can help him. just like Scottie does to Midge. (scene showing that here)
and Ryan said at the end of the season, Eddie is going to feel isolated from everyone. Which parallel's Scottie's isolation in the movie. Both when he's in the psych ward, ignoring/pushing away Midge, and also at the end of the movie when he's left standing on the edge of the bell tower shocked at Judy's death. so I'm guessing Eddie is going to be in his metaphorical psych ward/ledge of a belltower, standing in his mess with no one to help him because he pushed everyone, including Buck away.
#i know people narrowed in on the ex-fiancée part#but i doubt it’s going to be a straight on parallel#that would be too on the nose#and also out of character for buck imo#but buck and midge are both always there for eddie and scottie#and that’s the most important parallel#911#911 spoilers#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buck buckley#vertigo
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something i haven't understood in obey me so far playing is what year it's set in? did I miss the amount of years stated somewhere?
like we have the D.D.D. which is like a cell phone. But then we get sent back in Nightbringer and we still have D.D.D. And anime. And heavy metal, probably. What year is it again?
No way it's been like centuries, which is how they make it sound. I'm not even sure it's been a whole decade into the past. How long does it take to get a school up and running, Diavolo?
-a confused player
Dear A Confused Player,
Don't worry. You are all of us.
You didn't miss anything about what the years are because they've never stated anything about that.
They kinda explain everything away with the "time soup" but even that isn't really an explanation at all. They mostly just don't talk about it.
It's generally accepted that the Devildom is behind the human world technology-wise. There's proof of this in season three of the OG where the brothers don't know how to use some pretty basic kitchen appliances. The idea is that in the Devildom, they have magic to supplement their tech needs, so they don't need as much tech. This is pretty standard for fantasy worldbuilding. It's the idea that magic essentially does a lot of the stuff we use technology for.
But then yeah, Nightbringer happened. And that's supposedly thousands (millions? they don't state specifics) of years in the past. So presumably, the technology wouldn't be as advanced as it is in OG. Which would mean we wouldn't have things like D.D.D.s and there was also the wasted potential of old school outfits.
Since things seem to be about the same in Nightbringer tech-wise, the question becomes why?
Either Nightbringer is set in a timeline that's so drastically different that this tech was developed a lot earlier than in the OG timeline OR it's always been that way and the OG timeline was actually taking place far into the future for us. Another possibility is that the Devildom actually developed all their tech before the human world developed theirs, but at some point their development just stagnated. Meaning it stayed at about the same level from Nightbringer to OG.
And then there's the RAD founding discrepancy. In OG, they make it sound like RAD has been around since way before Lucifer & co fell, but this was mostly portrayed through old Devilgrams. So they just straight up retconned that. I think RAD's development has only been happening for a few years in Nightbringer and then it's established before MC leaves.
All of this is to say, the time is wonky and makes no sense. You can speculate about it for hours and still come up with ??? because any of these options could work. Due to them fucking around with time travel, timelines, and "time soup," anything goes at this point.
Time travel is a risky thing to include in a story for many reasons. And this right here is one of them.
We might've been able to suspend our disbelief on the time frame of the OG, but now that they've tossed in this time travel to the supposedly distant past, it's a lot harder to just go well, it's a fantasy story so I'm not gonna worry about it!
Just one of my many complaints about the writing of this game lol.
Anyway, that's the best I can do, I'm afraid. I might have gotten some details wrong because I forget things sometimes, but this is how I've always interpreted things. I hope that helps a little, but in the end it's kinda up to you to headcanon whatever you like!
#it's certainly interesting to fill in these details#but it's also annoying that they don't give us more solid info#pros and cons I guess#obey me#obey me nightbringer#anon asks#misc answers
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went down the byler rabbit hole this morning. here are my thoughts that nobody asked for but also it’s my blog, so…
some of the “look at the way he looks at him” stuff lost me a bit. like, mike can just be expressive without being in love.
however, here is what i do believe. first of all that whole mike trying to call will thing but he can’t because of joyce’s job. because he CANT CALL EL so he was trying to talk to Will.
secondly, that whole scene at the roller rink where will thinks he is being ignored but then mike has been analyzing everything will did the entire time.
also, the ronmione parallel is valid.
also the whole mike knew about the painting thing is accurate, and i do like what that one person said about mike trying to change himself for el in california.
the coming out subtext in some of their conversations is real, but i don’t think mike knows, necessarily, that is what he is feeling.
also, and here is my sticking point, will is NOT sabatoging mike and el. sure, he is sad because he loves mike in a different way, but he never tries to ruin their relationship he HELPS them constantly because i lives el like a sister and wants her and mike to be happy, even if it hurts him.
also, “tender, emotional music plays” “tender music continues playing” and some of those song titles…
the constant parallels to other couples also makes sense.
also that episode of season three where mike and lucas are fighting their gfs and will is like can we please just play dnd and they are all lame ab it and then they actually go too far and immediately start apologizing and then mike is an asshole but he realized IMMEDIATELY and not only tries to apologize but bikes after will immediately. he has been fighting with el for a while now and hadn’t actually gone after her but the second it was will…
ok. idk if it WILL be canon, (i doubt it), but i do want to see el become her own person.
however, even when i ship something, i don’t always think that if the characters were suddenly cool at the current spot in canon would work.
personally, i need some jealous mike. i need will to like get a super hot boyfriend or something. i know that won’t happen, but still.
anyway, in conclusion, this has been an erratic chaotic brain stream thank you for coming to my ted talk
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i think the issue with having an extremely inconsistent sleep schedule is not that your overall daily schedule will be out of wack (i am quite fine with changing schedules) but rather that all hours of the day are Schrodinger's Bedtime. like, going to bed just feels like An Option at all times and this leads to a lot of laying in bed almost dozing but not really sleeping
#eliot posts#i BRIEFLY got my sleep schedule back on track but then i got sick had to sleep all day to recover and now it is Bad again#and then before that it was STABLE for a while but...#i was going to sleep at sunrise every day#which was Bad#bc by the time i woke up it would be almost sundown#so time completely stopped feeling real#fuck the winter darkness i am moving to the fucking equator as god intended#we must ALL come to brazil (or ecuador or kenya or whatever)#but seriously tho like why is my default circadian rhythm to FALL ASLEEP AT SUNRISE#it has always been like this and it happens in all seasons#(isn't too bad in the summer tho bc there's more hours of sun and also student schedule lets me Live Like That)#i am constantly battling my body to adhere to a somewhat normal sleep schedule#bc alas being a member of society means i have to be awake and doing stuff at certain times#scheduling meals and activities a certain way and avoiding blue light does NOT fix shit#keeping a regular schedule can help sometimes but is‚ again‚ an uphill battle against my body#i should honestly try getting one of those seasonal depression sunlamps and staring into it at like 10 pm every night#trick my brain into thinking it is sunrise (and therefore time to sleep)#(also i tried melatonin supplements once and it made me feel like my bones were trying to slither out of my skin#and i had a panic attack and didn't sleep that night. so i am too terrified to try THAT again)
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Video
They ain’t even looking at you, baby, they looking at me | Guillermo de la Cruz + Looking At Me by Sabrina Carpenter
#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#guillermo de la cruz#wwdits spoilers#the return of my fancam-style guillermo vids!!#i've been meaning to make one for a while but i was going to wait until the end of the season#and then that night market fight scene happened and it couldn't wait any longer#i am over the moon about the fact that thanks to s4 i can now afford to be selective about what shots to use in this kind of edit#when it was just the first three seasons there were barely enough shots. i pretty much had to use all of them to make a video#but now... now the world is my oyster#song choice in this video is dedicated to the fact that whenever anything happens in this show involving other characters#i barely notice bc i'm always looking at guillermo instead. especially in fight scenes#sorry to the others i guess but like. as if it's my fault he gets hotter every episode#oh and of course as always the 'ah ah ah' from 3x10 has to stay#i don't care how much i have to lower the volume of the song so it's audible i'm not removing it#anyway i hope you enjoy this return to my roots!! it's been over half a year since i made an edit like this i forgot how fun it is!!#edits.mp4#video.mp4
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