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ch4nb4ng · 11 months

Text

Give it to me Straight

Pairing: Minho x afab!reader

Genre: Best friend's forbidden older brother

Word Count: 9.1 k (yeah we got carried away once again)

Warnings: Based off of inspo (here) and (here) that is also literally porn so dont click if u dont want to see you have been warned.

Also contains: smut, worshipping, angst, mentions of alcohol and intoxication, fingering (f receiving), kissing, penetration, lots and lots of praise, semi soft smut

Notes: HEY!! this is a fic i wrote hald of last year and just forgot about it and found and decided to finish it, hope oyu enjoy !!

Summary: You had enough of your best friend brother, Minho, giving you mixed signals as you grew up, but this. This was the night that you were finally going to do something about it

The night was pretty much over, or well, it should have been. But here you were, sitting on the floor of a random person’s apartment, giggling over and over as you looked at the other 8 people also sitting down in a circle next to you. There were your friends, Sana and Hyunjin, and there were the others. Actually, quite frankly, you did not know these people until tonight. There was one person that was there, that you did know, all too well.

Minho, Lee Minho. Friend, foe? You weren’t sure what to call him, but all you knew was that you were grinding on him in the club an hour ago, hands roaming across your body, lips, teeth on your neck. It was fun, one shot after another had your mind racing, thinking about the possibilities of what could happen after you went home, with him. What wasn’t helpful was the guilt that came with such excitement.

“Fuck okay,” the stranger yelled, clapping his hands before swinging them, taking the empty vodka bottle off the kitchen bench, “let’s play a good ole fashion game of spin the bottle. Who’s in?”

“Me me me!”

The small crowd cheered in unison, but all you could do was stare at him. More guilt, more excitement, more adrenaline. The thought of kissing him did nothing but intensify the want, the need, the desire to. Wanting to hook up with your best friend’s older brother was the worst thing that you could want at this very moment.

The relationship with Minho was always strange and never straightforward. Even from the first time the two of you met. Your best friend of almost 10 years since you had been in elementary school, he was just different towards you. When you were younger, all he did was pick on you. The short scrawny boy, only a couple of years older than you. Would always chase you around the school yard, always until you fell over, or hurt yourself in some kind of way. You hated him, and had no idea why he always picked on you specifically.

It changed in middle school, however, after puberty, well, more for him. His face changed, grew taller, much more attractive in your 14 year old eyes. You denied it though, remembering how cruel he was to you. Not much changed personality wise, he was still mean. Picking on you, your grades, his sister, her grades. He was ruthless, and it made you hate him even more. Minho’s looks were easy to overlook when everything that came out of his mouth was rubbish.

It wasn’t until he left for college, and came back for summer after finishing his first year, did things change. He had grown even taller, started working out, and had joined his college’s dance team. Holy fuck did things became different. His smile beamed as soon as he walked in and you in his house, sitting at the kitchen bench.

***

“Y/n?”

You turned around, jaw dropping the moment you laid your eyes on him. He dropped everything, fast walking towards you as he picked you up, spinning you around with a large chuckle erupting from his chest. He put you down, eyes doing a quick check up and down your body before biting down on his bottom lip.

“Minho?”

“Wow, you look, really, really good.”

His stance was close, almost lingering over you, that was, until your best friend walked in, causing him to step away, rubbing the back of his neck as he walked to the fridge so nonchalantly. Your friend gave you a weird look, mouthing a ‘sorry,’ solely for his presence in the room. They never were that close.

“I forgot to tell you that he got back a few days ago and is going to be here for the summer.”

“That’s okay,” you scoffed, overexaggerated manner, “why would you need to tell me that.”

“Because I know how he can be,” she whispered, “rude, mean, very obnoxious and super, super arrogant.”

The second half of her sentence was louder, looking straight at him to make sure she knew. You just laughed, nervously, unsure how to take in the interaction.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” she sighed, “please don’t bully my only friend while I’m gone.”

The man rolled his eyes, laughing as he took a large gulp from his water bottle. He walked forward, waiting for her to leave before reassessing his position. His hands leaned against the bench, body pushing forward as he leaned towards you, a smirk appearing on his lips as he looked down at you.

“I have to go, meeting a friend at the gym, but it was really, really good to see you. We should hang out sometimes if you’re free, you know, without her?”

“We should?”

“Yes,” he smirked, biting down on his bottom lip, “definitely.”

***

“Okay,” the stranger announced to himself, “I’ll go first.”

The game felt like torture. Simply watching the bottle, casting your eyes on what seemed to be an infinite amount of times, spinning on an axis. It didn’t help you at all. If anything, it intensified how dizzy you truly were feeling. Concentration was getting harder, but you refused. Refused to give up anything. You did not want to prove Minho’s point. That you would always be this little girl that is easy to pick on.

“Oh my god,” Hyunjin nudged you, “Y/n, psst, the bottle is on you.”

His knock cloaked you out of your drunken daze, bringing some sobriety back as he pointed towards the bottle, eyes opening when you saw it land on you. You looked up, seeing the stranger was already there. He was attractive, short black hair, hazel eyes, freckles. He was really cute, and your brain melted the longer he gazed at you.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” you whispered, hand in front of your mouth as you giggled at his proximity. You didn’t have to look. The feeling of a pair of eyes burning into the side of your head was more than enough to know who had their eyes on you, and who didn’t. Chan did not, already ditching the game and sloppily making out with the person next to him. Hyunjin followed in pursuit, and Jisung and Sana, well, that was another story, a long time coming. The glance was brief, not long enough to focus on anybody, but well enough to know your surroundings. Enough to see the girl, who looked very familiar, but not enough to be identified by name, whisk her fingers across his inner thigh. He stayed still, not paying any mind to her as he fixated on you. The man joined in the staring contest, noticing Minho’s obviously unimpressed glare.

He swung his head back in your direction, pushing his body weight on you in the slightest. You followed, back now adjacent to the floor as he leaned over, lips hovering over your own. You brought your index finger to his lips, curious to know more about the man before he kissed you.

“Wait.”

“Is something wrong?” His facial expression changed, unsure as to why or what made you hesitate.

“Oh, no,” you giggled, full of giddyness and intoxication, “your name. I just wanted to know your name before we, well, you know.”

The man smirked, cupping your face in adoration as he leaned closer, lips wisping across your ear as he spoke.

“Well aren’t you just the cutest?”

He pulled away, eyes back in level with your own as he spoke once more, “Felix. I’m Felix.”

That was all you needed, wrapping your arms around Felix’s neck as you pulled him in, eyes closing and mouth opening and lips attacking yours. The kiss in reality, from an outside perspective, would have looked very messy. Very sloppy as lips missed each other, teeth crashed together, and also the fact that you could feel Felix’s hips moving against your own in the slightest, already half hard member grinding against your thigh. It did feel good, you couldn’t fib to yourself. The gentle friction was delicious. It was enough to make you moan discreetly, the sound lost in Felix’s mouth as the two of you continued.

You were enjoying yourself, but you also remembered not to lose yourself in the moment. Felix was fun, but he was just part of the plan. A simple pawn in a game of chess, of course being the queen and Minho the king. Sometimes you have to make some unnecessary moves to win in the long term. Even with your eyes closed, you could still feel his own burning into the back of your head. If sober, you most likely would have been feeling some kind of guilt. It wasn’t like you to rub things in other people’s faces. But you felt like it was only fitting. Yes, you wanted Minho, but after everything, your timeline with him, having a crush on him for the longest time regardless that he made your life hard, it only felt right to drag this out as much as possible.

Your eyes fluttered open, empty lidded shooting daggers at him. Appraisal came to your mind when his daggers were returned, gaze still very much fixated on you, with Felix, making out with another man right in front of him. His blood was searing, reaching boiling point at a very rapid rate. He knew you were a lot of things. Sarcastic, blunt, ‘indifferent’ towards him as you got older, or so he thought. But he didn’t take you to be a tease. He was reaching the point of no return, and if you didn’t stop this act, this play scene just for him, he was going to do something he regretted.

“Hmm fuck,” Felix grumbled, pulling away from you, “has anyone ever told you that you’re a really good kisser?”

Your eyes flickered back to the man on top of you, quickly averting your gaze to avoid any deflections from Minho, Chan, or any of the others there that you knew.

“Hey man, what are you doing?”

You sat up immediately, looking up to see Minho’s friend, Jisung, standing over you. His tone was playful, but the adrenaline was kicking in. The several times you met Minho’s friends, they were decent enough to be nice to your face. Anytime you went over, you could hear them. Talking about how you look, always asking Minho about you. Just them teasing him about you. Maybe it was the reason as to why he had so much disdain for you. They were also protective, very protective of him, and probably the reason why they were standing over you right now.

“Oh hey man, you’re not her boyfriend are you?”

“Who, me?” Jisung laughed, hard, almost hysterically, bringing a hand to his chest to calm himself down, “no no, not me, but the guy over there might be a little mad that you’re making out with his girl.”

You rolled your eyes, grabbing onto Felix’s arm, other hand tucking under his chin as you pressed another haste kiss to his lips. You gave Minho one more look, noticing his fists turned inwards, hard shaped as he watched your interactions with the new guy accelerating.

“Good,” He smirked, standing up, and reaching a hand out to you as an invitation, “Did you want to hang out in my room? It’s just down the hall.”

“Sure,” you replied bluntly as you took his invitation. You allowed Felix to guide you, taking one last look at Jisung. Before making your way, you were interrupted one more time. It made you scoff when Minho grabbed your wrist, finally able to do something himself, not his friends doing it for him.

“Y/n?”

“What do you want?”

“Where are you going?”

“What do you think?”

With a heavy grip, attempting to shake yourself out of his grip. There was no way you were giving up on this act yet.

“You just met the guy tonight?”

“Okay and? It’s not like that ever stopped you before. At least I’m not at home, forcing everyone else to hear you late at night.”

He looked down, knowing he had been beaten to the punch. You resisted once more, able to come out of his grip as you looked up and down at him once more, “Stop acting like you give a shit what I do.”

You watched him open his mouth, but missed out on whatever he was going to say. You laughed to yourself, the swift motion of the man from the other side, Felix, the one who was giving you the attention you needed right now. Without a word, he closed the door behind you, spare hand placed on your lower back as he lead you to what seemed to be his bed.You sat down first, Felix making quick work as he stood over you once more, index finger stuck on your shoulder as he effortlessly as he ‘pushed’ you over, torso hovering on top of yours, just like he did previously. You had to give it to him. This Felix guy was smooth. The way he looked down at you, raking your body with every single eye nerve, the gentle twitch when he noticed extra skin showing on your body for a slight moment. He definitely was contributing to your uprising arousal, but the thing that really turned you on was the mere possibility of Minho hearing this. Having his ear up to the door, curious to see what you would really do.

“Hey,” Felix whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, taking you out of your thoughts completely, “everything okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, where were we?”

You brought a hand to his arm, rubbing up and down in a soothing motion as his own came back to your chin, pinching it forward, lips doting to reconnect with his. His lips were smooth, not a crack or dry spot in sight or in feeling. The kiss was a lot more connected, a lot more teamwork and passion. His tongue lazily slipped inside of your mouth, picking up with much brute and force as his hips charged, recreating the prior friction against your core. Felix had one hand on the side of your jaw, the one on your chin snaking around and cascading down, in between your cleavage, past your navel, brimming on the edge of your undergarment line. You gasped, immediately, not expecting things to move so quickly. A stifled whimper escaped your lips, enjoying the friction his fingers created around the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Oh,” you groaned, slightly high pitched and confused at first, but once his fingers dived past your dress, underneath your core, right in the center of your sweet spot, you groaned again, a deeper, more gratifying noise bellowing in response.

“Does that feel good?”

“Mhm,” you whispered, looking up at him, “feels so good already.”

Your hand felt dizzy again, a lightheaded texture adding. You weren’t sure if it was his fingers or the alcohol speaking, but it most likely was the loud bang that came from the east part of the room. You jumped immediately, bumping heads with Felix as you quickly covered yourself, given no time to fix your hair as you were being dragged out, Minho’s jaw clenched as he walked you out.

“Sorry, uh Felix, it was nice to meet you,” you yelled down the hallway, pushed all the way to the front door.

“Minho what the fuck?”

“Shut up and get in the car,” he growled, not putting up with any nonsense that you were about to spew at him, “Jisung’s taking us all home, your friends included.”

“Ugh, whatever,” you scoffed, the digging of his fingers becoming slightly painful. You opened the door, seeing Hyunjin’s smirk as soon as he saw you, hand in hand with Minho. He never had to say anything, he always knew how you felt about him, even when it wasn’t clear to you.

The midnight breeze was very apparent, hitting you like a truck. The goosebumps on your skin raised in an instant, shiver running down your spine as you walked. Minho let go of your wrist, removing his jump over his head, and plopping it on top of yours. You wanted to turn, scream at him for ruining your hair, not even thinking about your makeup. But honestly, you were just tired. It was late.

***

You pushed the button down in the backseat, letting the cool breeze smack you across the face as Jisung drove down the highway. It felt nice, distracting you from the imminent pressing of your best friend’s brother inconveniently pressing up against you, too big for the middle seat. Of course he had to sit next to you. Invade your personal space, your privacy. He was still overprotective of you, even when you were by yourselves. It was annoying, and you really didn’t know why he was always like this with you after the needless torture that was gorwing up with him around.

You decided to put the window up, a sudden drowsiness coming over you as you leaned your head against the window. Your eyes were fluttering, half lidded when you felt someone whispering, right up to your ear. His lips were cold, roughly but incidentally lingering on your lobe.

“Y/n,” Minho hushed, patting your arm lightly, “y/n, baby.”

“Mhm,” you mumbled, furrowing your eyebrows, “what is it?”

“We’re here, wake up.”

“Oh,” you sighed, releasing your weight on the window. Your eyes opened, turning from the window, which was a big mistake. You caught yourself, inches away from your face. Apart from the club, it was the closest you had been ever to him. You saw him, looking down at your lips, causing you to gulp loudly. You wanted to lean in, push away all the doubt you had in your mind, and follow your heart. To have him on your lips, around your body, caressing every crevice, every curve. It was something you had fantasized about in your head several times, whether you wanted to or not. Your hand flew to his chest, truly speechless and unsure what to say.

“Minho. I-”

He licked his lips, fingers latching onto your jaw, thumb against the subtlety of your lips. He flipped, lip bouncing back as he leaned even closer. His breath had never felt so imminent, not even the first time the two of you had shared a kiss.

***

“Did you need help?”

Your heart almost jumped out of your chest, about to lose balance on the stool. The tea bags were high in the cupboard, and you weren’t the tallest person going around. Minho put his arms out, helping you adjust yourself before stepping down and back onto the ground.

“Yeah,” you chuckled, “you know me, never able to reach anything.”

“It’s okay, they’re stored pretty high up.”

Without giving you time to move, he reached over, torso pressed against your chest, half of his body weight leaning on you as he reached up to grab one for you. Your face rose in heat as he placed it on the bench behind you, keeping firm in his position.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, still not moving, “I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh, uhm no, it’s okay” you mumbled back, pushing the hair behind your ear. He beat you to the other side, lifting his fingers, watching how delicately the fibers of your hair curved along your ear lobe.

Faces inching closer, it felt like do or die, but you would rather get hit by a truck than make the first move. Minho was the type to flirt, hard. He knew he could get anyone he wanted. College really changed him. For the better though, even if it meant he became a mass fuckboy.

“You have a really, uhm, beautiful face.”

He had become nervous all of a sudden, and you couldn’t help but smile. Smile at both his nerves and slight awkwardness, as well as his proximity.

“Uhm thanks,” you mumbled again, scared that if you attempted to speak at a normal volume, it would squeak, “you have a nice face as well.”

“Shut up,” he mumbled, piercing eyes boring into yours.

“Make me.”

He hesitated for a brief moment, before bringing both hands to your face, pressing his lips to yours. It was soft at first, a series of gentle pecks you wrapped your hand palms around his neck, keeping him close. His body felt good, right when close to you.

It didn’t take long for things to heat up however, Minho’s tongue begging for access as you gave it to him willfully, a gentle hum as he simultaneously rolled his hips into yours once. A soft groan escaped your lips, causing him to pull away. The smirk on his face was priceless; you knew he was satisfied with himself. His hands snaked down to your waist, lifting you up and placing you on the kitchen bench. Minho nudged your leg with his left knee, spreading them wide, allowing himself to fit into the curve. He kept his digits across your fingertips, gently tapping as he leaned back in, skipping the innocent kisses and heading straight to a heavy, heavy makeout. The noises erupting were increasing in quantity, and it wasn’t until you heard footsteps running down the steps were you snapped back into reality. Hands on his chest, you pushed him off quickly, pushing your hair back in front of your face.

“Y/n what’s taking you so long?”

“Oh uhm, I was just trying to reach the teabags.”

“Yeah,” Minho joined in, helping you cover your ass, “I just grabbed it for her, seeing as she was already in my way to get to the glasses, annoying ass.”

“Okay whatever weirdo,” she replied to him, “stop annoying Y/n.”

***

The memory of the flashback playing in spurts, ones that your intoxicated mind was probably failing to accurately recall the event. It was, however, enough for you to pull away. Saying nothing, you turned away, opening the car door, semi-stumbling onto the ground as you jumped out the car, heading towards his front door. Luckily your best friend was out of town, away on a camping weekend with her boyfriend and her parents, because if she heard you walking in with Minho, it was game over.

“Y/n,” he whispered, tone harsh like he wanted to yell, “y/n.”

It was nothing but a faint noise in the distance. You stood there, in front of the door, impatiently waiting for it to be unlocked. It wasn’t until you could feel him. He grabbed your wrist, almost having to yank you back to stop you.

“What,” you whispered back, similar in tone, “what do you want?”

He waited. It looked like he was trying to put a thought together, knowing that he needed to say something very important. It could make or break: everything. He took a step closer, that familiar feeling of adrenaline, no, some other feeling that you couldn’t describe. Made your heart race, body sweat. You couldn’t put your finger on what it was. All you knew was that it only happened when he was around you.

“I’m, I’m sorry.”

You looked up at him, adoration at how gentle his skin glowed in the moonlight. Fuck, this was annoying. Why did he have to be so hot? It would have been the easy way out to forgive him and let him do what you craved, yearned for. But it was simply too much to do so. This man had been toying with your heart for a long time. Whether he had a crush on you for the lingering amount of time that you had, you deserved better than someone who played with you for their own amusement.

“What are you sorry for?”

Your tone was calm, yet still firmly questioning him. It was easier to just deny the night events than argue about it.

***

The music was loud, deafening as Minho, dragging you by the delicacy of your poor wrist, locked in a spot right next to the speaker right beside the DJ of the club, aka pole position. At first the dancing was innocent, a bright smile of pure joy (and intoxication) plastered across your face, holding each other’s hands as you pushed and pulled them back and forth. It wasn’t until the motions of arms were not moving in the opposite directions, somehow were both pulling in his direction, right up against his waist. The music was much too loud to allow your rational cognitions to process the sequence of events. Facing him, not facing him. Appropriate distance, very much appreciate distance. It was hard to explain how you ended up with your back pressed against Minho’s chest, somehow in the monstrosity of alcoholic beverages and shots actually moving your hips in a synchronized way with his. Maybe it was the firm grip, thumb digging into the soft flesh that was hardly hidden under that dress, making sure that this was the only place you needed to be, that he wanted you to be.

Your hands easily followed too, palms on top of this tendon illuminating the side of his hands as his lips rested on the outside of the cartilage that made up your ear. The second time you could feel the magic that was his lips. The crowd that was Minho’s friends and the new, yet very much fun strangers that would end up making the later house party were long gone at this very moment. The only thing you could remember was coming with Minho, and the last thing you wanted to do was leave with him.

“Mmmm,” was all that could be heard, well no, felt from the man behind you. The vibrations of his lips were the only indicator that he was trying to say something. His teeth soon followed. Gentle, almost kitten-like nibbles nipped at the heated flesh of the neck and shoulder, head falling limp against his own shoulder as he continued to chuckle inbetween. There seemed to be an innocence to his antics, almost like he didn’t want to hurt you. Yet knowing the downright filthy desires, things he wanted to do, for a numerous amount of time was very much ironic.

Turning around, you pulled away, eyes boring into yours and his face came closer and closer. Eyes fluttering shut like a butterfly's wings for a brief moment, desire had never been stronger.

“There he is, Jisung!”

And just like that, it was over. Reality came back and your Minho clouded fog dissipated in a matter of moments, and it must have for him. You had never seen someone take their hands of someone with such speed. The timely reaction of Minho brought you back to a realistic part of your life. The one where this was nothing but a dream, and Minho was once again out of reach, and the many barriers that were his friends, your friend being in the way, made you nothing but a pawn in his chess game.

***

You stood there in silence, the only sound that could be heard was the ringing in your ears from the loud music prior. The want for him to explain himself was one of such desperation. A sign, anything at this point. Yes, you were very much exhausted from the games but if it was all worth it for him to finally do something about it in the end, the fatigue would be easily wiped away.

“I don’t mean to be this way. So, uhm, aggressive? Or the opposite, I don’t know I-”

“Minho in the nicest way possible, I’m tired and we’ve both had a big night. We can talk about it in the morning.”

Using the spare key that your friend had so graciously given you as a symbol of how much time you truly spent at her house, his house, over the years, the door was unlocked, you ripping your shoes off and letting them laz sprawl against the living room carpet as your body heavily dragged up the stairs. Your feet automatically knew the way to her room, 4 paces straight and two to the left. To get to his it was 7 paces straight 2 to the right. The 4th step on the second floor felt unnatural at this moment, body wanting nothing more than to be pressed up against him in a deep slumber, you craved it; but you knew better at the same time.

“Y/n.”

Silence. You could feel him coming closer, but it’s honestly just too painful at this point to even wait for anything more.

“Y/n.”

Silence, again. It wasn’t until you could feel the unintentionally harsh pull at your wrist, once again pulling back and up against him.

“Y/n wait.”

“For fucks sake Minho,” you huffed, yanking your arm away from his grip, “leave me alone.”

“No, I want to talk about it now.”

Nothing but an eye roll followed, ignoring him and storming into her room. He followed in pursuit, the first time any kind of behavior like this from Minho had happened before. Sitting on the edge of the side of her bed, you turned away as you took off your jewelry, precious earring and delicate chain necklace lying on this decorative plate placed on the bedside table.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Can we please stop pretending like there isn’t something going on between us?”

He was not serious. His bold statement made you stop, turn around and face him.

“You have to be joking right now.”

“Why would I be joking?”

“Minho” you yelled, standing back up and right in front of him, “this is nothing but a fucking game to you! We don't have a problem, YOU do.”

“I don’t play games with you,” Minho scoffed, eyes wide in his own disbelief, “you play games with me.” His voice was also beginning to rise in volume.

“That’s such a fucking lie! You’ve been playing games with me for years. Three quarters of my life! I know that you hated me or couldn’t stand me for most of that but then all of a sudden you come back from college and you want to be around me and all over me?”

“That’s not true-”

“Yes it is! You couldn’t stand me!! Then the kiss in the kitchen? Tonight, you were all over me and I could tell, drunk or sober, that you were enjoying yourself. Until your friends come along and I’m nothing but a secret little game-”

“No Y/n, shut up, that's not true!”

“Explain yourself then!”

Both of your chests were heaving simultaneously, the heated exchange taking the breath out of the two of you. There was no part of you that was wrong, and you knew better than to lack confidence, especially to someone who has kicked you around for what felt like your whole life.

“I never hated you,” he whispered, once again shifting the tense atmosphere in the room. He took a step closer, that goddamn palm resting on your cheek, fingertips pushing the baby hairs sticking to your forehead as you took him in, listening deeply to his words, “I could never hate somebody like you, Y/n.”

His tonality had become the softest you had ever heard someone speak. It was empowering to keep him on his toes, gaze fixated on him, but lips refusing to move. You could see it. The dip in his own gaze below your eye line, past the tip of your nose, and right to where you wanted his lips to be: your lips. The right thing, like your previous thoughts, was to pull away, save yourself the heartbreak.

“Let me take the time to show you how false that statement really is.”

But god, was it it easier to just give him. His approach was gentle, but the texture of his lips felt like the key to everything. The light weight of his lips were equivalent to a tuft of feathers falling from a clear sky. Your lips tussled in return, wanting to kiss the man you were in love with so much passion, yet so much reservation. His lips, unlike the first time, had so much admiration for you, somehow the feeling was communicated in the way his lips touched yours, the way his tongue slipped into your mouth, colliding with your own. The world stopped spinning, and the only thing that mattered was Minho’s lingering touch.

His hands scrambled to find an appropriate spot. His palms spread across your waist, the pressure of his weight pushing you to the edge of the bed, a small shriek escaping your lips as the sudden knock of balance leaves you lying against the material of the bed. His hands left your sides, one coming to your face as he broke away, taking a moment to admire you underneath him in all your beauty. He lifted his fingers to your forehead, brushing the baby hairs on your skin before smiling and leaning back in for another kiss. Hands around his neck, you brought him closer, gasping into his mouth when you felt the roughness of his knee conveniently sitting between your inner thigh, spreading to make room for his own.

You decided to take the liberty of breaking the kiss back this time, Minho rising on his own as he pulled his shirt off in one swift motion. Even the way he moved his limbs was majestic. Eyes widening for a brief moment as the shock of Minho’s body that you had seen many times, especially post-college transformation, it still amazed you how attractive this man was. The proximity all these years amounting to this moment. All the teasing, ignoring, negative behavior came as the collateral of coming to this moment; and you would tolerate all of it again if this what it would lead to. Which is why you refused to rush things, savor the moment as much as you could.

“Minho, wait.”

“Yes?”

“Can we just,” you were hesitant to ask for what felt like a silly request, “I don’t want to rush anything. Can we just make out a little longer?”

His chuckle was one of the most adored. He nodded as he got up from the bed, sitting back down at the edge of the right side. As he turned to put his leg atop of the bed, he leant on his left elbow, patting the empty spot next to him, a very adorable invitation that you simply could not resist. You shooed over, facing Minho as he pinched your chin, bringing your lips to his again. The kisses, for the moment, stayed soft, sweet. He was allowing you to take your time because he was ready. Minho wanted you so bad, but he knew better than to rush. If anything, the anticipation made him fall for you more.

However, the heat was unconsciously beginning to turn up once bodies became involved. The subtle grind of his hips against yours was sending you into a frenzy, and the friction was something you needed to chase. At first you were holding back, only wanting the generosity of his tongue and lips, but now the selfish part of you was taking over, and there was nothing more that you wanted than to have sweet passionate sex with the man in front of you. Gently pushing his chest away, he looked up, confused as you turned away from him, standing up and undoing the zip on the back of your dress.

“Oh,” was all he could say, a smirk plastered on his face as he dragged your body back toward him, now covered in undergarments, back to the bed. His hands became a lot more adventurous, taking the signal of you undressing yourself as an acceleration of what you wanted. Still facing each other, Minho placed a gentle peck to your lips as his arms wrapped around your waist, bringing you much closer to him, and exactly where you wanted to be.

Once the lack of space was established, Minho brought the tip of his digits just above your panty line. A small gasp elicited from your lips once his fingers dipped down to your clothing covering your core. Just above the center of the folds. Minho’s lips quiver at your body relaxing underneath his touch. The more vulnerable you became, the more in love he fell with you. Each second. Your eyes fluttering almost shut, hips gently bucking underneath the pressure of his fingers had his mind screaming with adoration. His gaze was making you shy, causing you to bury your head in his naked chest. You giggled with innocence at how good his fingers felt. The other times you reminisced, romanticized what this would be like was tenfold of what you actually expected.

“You’re so beautiful” he whispered, a soft kiss to the tip of your forehead. Your head came out of his chest, a somewhat fucked out expression already coatign your face as his fingers traveled back to the top of your panties, fingers grasping the hem before asking, “Can I take this off?”

You nodded, this time without hesitance as you turned to your front, assisting Minho in letting the thin fabric subtracted from your body. Your bra soon followed, leaving you completely exposed. Minho still had his pants on which you felt to be a little unfair, but the tent that was beginning to form in his pants was a reason enough for him to keep them on longer.

Turning back to your side, you reached him in another sensual kiss, bodies now as close as they had even been. Minho’s fingers had much more to travel, left palm already reaching for a gentle squeeze of your best breast. His touch was noticeable enough to break away, a small groan at the digits brushing your nipple. Another chuckle escaped his lips as he watched your nipples get harder under his touch.

“Wow,” Minho gasped, gently pinching the soft flesh his eyes couldn’t help but be glued to, “you look amazing.”

“Do I?”

“More than I could have ever imagined.”

Your silence made him giggle, fingers snaking back down to where the two of you wanted them to be. It was almost embarrassing how easily his index and middle finger slipped between your folds, already coated in your arousal as his digits swirled around your pussy hole. It was evident that he wanted his fingers coated, so when he brought them up to his lips, tongue evidently out as he licked them clean, then slid them back down to your waist once more, spreading your folds apart and pushing on your clit like a button. Your hands grabbed onto his shoulders for support, the sudden amount of sensation in comparison to before sending you into a frenzy. Your jaw had already become slick, the gentle whines and moans spilling out sound after sound.

“Fuck,” He cursed under his breath, lips right in front of your tits, teeth grazing over the geneoristy of the skin, “you have the features of an angel.”

His shower of compliments caused a louder moan to slip from your lips. It really wasn’t something that you expected. The fantasy you had of Minho being a rough, man handling lover contrasted to the man that presented in front of you right now. But it was much better than anything you ever thought he was to be.

His fingers moved in delicate circular motions, Minho himself groaning at how pretty you looked under his fingers. He kept his curiosity peaked, fingers traveling back down to your hole before plunging them inside, tips instantly curling to bring his lips right up against his own.

“Minho oh my god,” you gasped, short breaths hinting at a rapid pace from your throat as he started to move them back and forth, “your fingers are so good.”

“Your welcome,” he smiled, wrapping his free arm around your chest to adjust for the way your torso squirmed against him. Your own hands soothing his arm that did all the work as he picked up his pace, a slight bump forming into your pussy. Minho’s pace became quickly unforgiven, a spill of curse words that made you feel extremely dirty coming from your mouth. The irony of feeling dirty from cussing and not from the two fingers being shoved into your whole was comedic.

“Lift it,” Minho grunted, attempting to fix his position so he could get a better angle to finger you from, “lift your leg and put it on my hip.”

You did as he said, a gut wrenching moan that was bubbling in your throat bursting at the seams as your maneuver allowed his finger to enter deeper, stronger, harder. The combination of skin slapping and wetness could be heard by anyone in the house if there was anyone in there, the noise echoing the room as you watch his eyebrows furrow, bitten bottom lip in concentration. All this time, Minho wanted nothing more than to see you be happy, make you feel good. It was in half disbelief that he was present in this moment that he had dreamed of several times. And his perception of you, with his fingers inside of you, moaning his name over and over exceeded expectations to say the least. The temperature that began to rise on your cheeks was spreading to your limbs, muscles slowly coiling as the pleasure continued to build at your core. Minho’s jaw clenched, increasing his effort and strength in, with much effort, fucking you with his fingers. His pace became even quicker, desperate and motivated to make you shake under his fingers.

“Minho please,” you cried, suffocating his lips with yours to muffle the continuous noise that baffled the room, “so good.”

Your sentences, if you could even call them that, were not coherent in the slightest. Yet it did not matter. All Minho could focus on was how beautiful you looked with your lips pouted, the gentle teeth marks under your bottom lip from biting down on your precious skin too hard. The condensation beginning to cover the skin of your forehead as your eyebrows scrunched together, your facial expression could have been interpreted as anger. However, Minho failed to see it that way. He saw you as nothing but an angelic woman that he had the gratitude of being allowed to share a moment of vulnerability with. There was no judgment in his eyes as he felt your tight pussy clench around his knuckles, knowing how close to what you were, and what he wanted to achieve for your sake.

“It’s okay baby,” he whispered, wiping the moisture glistening on the nose, half of your face shimmering in the moonlight as he withdrew his fingers, rubbing the sensual juices all over your swollen clit as your legs began to shake in response to the overwhelming stimulation you were experiencing.

“Can you feel it?”

“Mhhm,” you whined, suppressing your lips together as you focused on him, analyzing to him the intricate details of your body. His lips moved with vigor, leaving a string of semi wet kisses along your shoulder, kissing every little skin contusion, beauty mark, scab, wrinkle, dimple. You name it, Minho was eager to use his lips to analyze you, analyze the way your skin felt against him. The idea increased your arousal to a level you thought would not be possible.

“I’m gonna cum Minho I-”

“It’s okay baby,” Minho hushed you, wanting to relive any pressures or expectations you may think you need to fulfill “even the way you speak such vulgar things is angelic to me.”

“I’m cumming,” was all you could cry out. You know that once this was over, you would be appreciative of how gentle and warm his presence was to you during this unguarded moment, but right now all you could focus on was the tight coil in the pit of your stomach that would give out at any second. Like your foreshadowed, your body was coming undone under him, Minho unable to give up the succulent ability that was your pussy as he reinserted his two fingers back into your hole, thumb almost ghosting over your clit in an attempt to not overwhelm your body in sensation.

Minho thought you couldn’t get any more fascinating. Even the way you orgasmed was angelic. Legs spread wide open as you let him have his way. The trust you developed in him in this intricate moment was such an attraction but mainly an appreciation. He knew that he had not been the most trustworthy person to you. His mixed signals and just overall treatment of you was simply a mind of confusion.

On the contrary, every negative moment that you shared with him melted away. The part of him having his fingers inside of you, bringing you to climax was not what you were focused on. You were focused on the attention. Solely the attention, his words held so much more weight than his actions to you in this moment, and all he did was mumble sweet nothings, adoring every single part of you that you wanted Minho to love.

“Fuck baby,” Minho groaned, finally withdrawing his fingers entirely from your core as he palmed his own arousal. But he merely wasted any time on that as he stood up and discarded his pants in an instant. A half lidded gasp came from your throat as you watched his length spring free from the suffocation of his previous undergarments. Minho laid back on the bed, back against the bed as you extended a hand in which you willingly took, enjoying the sudden rapture that Minho had tangled the two of you in. His fingertips came to your face once more, brushing those delicate strands away as he took his precious time. Willingly ignoring the fact that your very slicked up pussy was creating friction against his tip, he was more focused on your face. The crinkles underneath your eyes that came up when you smiled. The way your lips turned upwards in the slightest. The longer he looked up at you, on his lips, body pressed up against his, the more he fell in love. Both of your hands now came to his face. It felt like hours upon hours that the two of you had been looking at each other. Calmness fell over the room as you leant down to kiss him again. The taste of him was simply nor enough. You needed him. On you, next to you; it did not matter. His presence was something that you truly craved. Sexually, platonically, romantically, it did not matter. Any closeness with Minho was more than adequate. Deciding to lift your hips slightly, your hands followed, gripping him as you slowly slid onto him, a deep groan leaving his lips, a soft moan leaving yours as he stretched you out. Before you could even initiate any moment, Minho grabbed your arm lifting your palm to his face as he sent kisses up your arm, almost as if he was in complete disbelief of what was happening in this moment.

“I just want to worship you my god,” he whispered, making you giggle in the slightest.

His lips traveled just under your shoulder, arms wrapping around his torso to bring you into another embrace. It was that his strength was brute enough to lift you up, and put your back down. Hisbody almost moved with vigor, wanting to make sure the experience was an equal one. A sharp whine came from you as he established a gentle pace, your whole body being used in an attempt to pleasure the both of you. Someone may have seen this as selfish, Minho controlling the pace, but really, he just couldn’t get enough of how much he wanted you. The amount of times he had thought about this moment over the years almost derailed him. But nothing could be more perfect than the moment right now.

Your arms were wrapped around his neck, then on his chest, across his face, you were too stimulated to be organized with your hand placements. It’s just what he did to you. Minho could tell that you were unsure, so instead he just put his head in your chest, almost wanting you to wrap your fingers though the bse of his scalp, the gentle texture of your fingers against his scalp could have honestly made his toes curl. Just like you, Minho craved your touch in any way shape or form, so the combined combainton of your closeness, tussling digits, and tight pussy was sending him into a headspin.

“Minho,” you hesitated, unsure, if he could hear you in the muffle of your chest, “Minho.”

You were desperate for him to hear you, yanking on his locks to pull him away from the darkness and back into your gaze. His eyes were glazed over for a moment, an innocent peaking on them as he looked up at you with intent.

“Yes my princess, my Y/n?”

“Yours?”

The skin slapping, volume of each time your ass landed on his hips was increasing, but no matter the crescendo, it was never loud enough to get in the way of the intimate looks the two of you had a silent agreement to fixate on.

“Mine,” he moaned, hands snaking back down to your hips, breaking this distance and once again guiding the speed of how fast he filled you up, “all mine.”

“You’re so gorgeous,” you mumbled, barely able to talk at this point, “I want you so bad you have no idea.”

“You have me,” he almost chanted, “you have me. I have you. Always.”

Your head rolled back, the intimacy of his words, rather than his cock, bringing you closer to the brink of pleasure. The attractiveness of finally putting his walls down, striking his fear of vulnerability was unmatchable. Even if things didn’t work out with Minho in the future, you knew that deep down, no one else could ever make you feel this way. Minho was a witch, and the spell he was casting on you was something that would be everlasting.

“I love you,” you cried, throwing your head back in somewhat embarrassment, “I love you Minho.”

“I love you too baby fuck,” he grunted, increasing the strength in which he filled your pussy. He couldn’t handle this anymore. Flipping you over, his body hovered, cock pressing your back into the mattress. On his knees, Minho trusted deeper and deeper, your eyes almost cloudy from how good he truly felt inside of you. Another sensuous kiss ensured, the combination of his deep moans and your vibrating whines slipped into each other 's, easily one of the most intimate things that could ever be done.

“Mhhm,: You whined, breaking away and placing a hand on his face, “I fucking love you.”

“I fucking love you, my Y/n.”

“Oh god,” you breathe heavily, free hand gripping on his shoulder, “I love when you call me that?”

“What? My Y/n?”

“Yes,” you hissed, piercing into his eyes, this time with vigor, “it makes me yearn for you.”

“You have me baby,” he smirked, eyebrows soon furrowing as he realized his hips were getting sloppy in motion, “I’m all yours.”

You could not stop kissing him. He was just too hard to resist. His words, actions, everything, you were so in love that your chest began to hurt. That pit was developing again, and all he had to do was say the words and you were there. Minho took your hand away from his face, pinning them on either side of you as he slid his fingers in between, allowing your hand to intertwine with yours. The affection was the icing on your cake, because as you felt the swirls of his finger prints trickle onto your palm, your hips were spasming.

“Minho I’m-”

“I know baby, it’s okay, he cooed, “I can feel your pussy clenching hard.”

A little giggle escaped your lips as your body raked itself of an orgasm. Back arching, the loudest noise you could have possibly made erupted from your mouth, the unintentionally new angle allowing Minho to plunge even deeper, keeping it slow as he allowed you to come down from the high. He pulled out right after, pumping himself a few times before finishing just above your core. He fell to your side, immediately lifting your body, wanting to feel that constant warmth as he placed your head against his chest, arms wrapped around your back as he kissed the mount of hair in front of his face. His heartbeat was warm, fast, but stil, a sense of comfort felt over your body as you listened to the organ pump in his chest. The moment was silent, yet comfortable, the both of you simultaneously soaking in that delicacy of affection that you both oh so craved, longed for.

Even after all of that, you still had the energy to do so. Minho read your mind, giving you a quick peck before quickly pacing out of the room. The ache in your heart had already reappeared at his absence. The craving would never stop. Luckily he was quick, grabbing a paper towel, cleaning you up, running back to the bin, the running back and jumping onto the bed, your body flying in the air as he caught you, snuggling up to your side with his head pressed into your chest. Your hand came to his hair, letting those fingertips frolic across his scalp. A silence fell over the room as the two of you simultaneously stared at the ceiling, the dim shine of the moonlight shining through the window, lingering across Minho’s side profile.

“I was being serious, you know.”

“About what?”

“Hating you.”

Minho turned onto his chest, wanting to make sure that you were staring at him when he said this.

“I could never hate you Y/N, my Y/N.”

He crawled up to your side, tall enough to press one more kiss, lips lingering across yours as your eyes fluttered shut from his touch. Lifting the cover, Minho invites you under after climbing in first, turning to the side to hover over your now very tired frame. Lips nudged behind your warm Minho kept mumbling, a combination of kissing you and whispering, the tiny vibrations from his voice tickling the bare skin.

“You’ll have to kill more before I ever let you go.”

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princessbrunette · 4 months

Note

Rafe fucking jayj’s step sister to piss him off because he has a feeling your relationship with him goes beyond being step siblings

- 💅🏽

꩜⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

rafe has been watching you. he was intrigued truly, how a sweet girl like you wound up being a pogue. he knew you couldn’t be jj’s actual sister, no— you didn’t quite look the same, and the way you and him interacted, even in public was odd. too touchy, yet cautious, overly self aware. shit, he couldn’t blame jj. if a fine piece of ass like you found your way into his family he’d probably do the exact same.

the need to get back at jj came when he went down for technically vandalising toppers boat. technically, it was pope. but pope didn’t have anything that rafe wanted… jj however…

you were stood so shyly at the entrance to the cameron residence, having received a message from ‘ward’ (actually rafe) that he was interested in hiring you, some kind of personal assistant job. but ward was out of town, and rafe was welcoming you inside.

“y’know i—i don’t know what he was thinking inviting you round right now, he’s out of town.” he scratches his temple, squinting apologetically.

“oh…” you fiddle with your fingers, glancing around at the inside of pristine tannyhill.

“yeah… yeah, i’m sorry about that. you want somethin’ to drink? whilst you know, whilst you’re here?” he extends his arm, backing up towards the kitchen.

“oh i couldn’t possibly—”

“please, anything you want.” rafe waves you off as you follow him through to the next room.

“well, if you insist. just a water please, i’m a little parched from riding my bike over here.” he tries not to snicker, thinking about that little pogue-mobile of yours. it was so you, rickety little thing with a pink basket on top. cute, rafe thought.

even the look of a brita water filter seems to slightly excite you and he smiles, filling up a glass and handing it to you. as you drink, he speaks— seemingly making conversation.

“so you’re uh… maybanks sister, right?” he leans on the counter. he sees you stiffen slightly, knowing the two of them have had their quarrels, but jj never really letting you in on the ins and outs. “s’okay, i can separate the two of you. we’re all adults here, right?” he reassures.

you put the glass down on the counter, wiping your wet hand on your dress. “well, he’s my step-brother.” you clarify.

“ah, yeah… yeah i thought so. no one acts like that with their step sibling.” his gaze doesn’t leave yours even when yours flickers away, guilty. right then, that moment there — rafe knew his suspicions were true. he steps back, nodding for you to follow him. “lets go sit down, yeah?”

you feel you have no choice but to follow him, sitting on the large couch now beside him with your hands on your lap. he leans his elbow on his knee, watching you.

“i—i wanna be straight up with you, that okay?” he drawls after the small talk time is up, eyes boring into yours.

“…yeah.”

“i know it’s not my business but i… i feel like your step-brother is doin’ things to you that he shouldn’t be doin’. and… it just wouldn’t be right for me to sit here n’not intervene i mean i’m older than you, right? and — and it’s my duty to watch out n’protect girls like you. i’m… right aren’t I? he’s touching on you?”

“rafe… no.” you shake your head, looking away shyly, clearly scandalised.

“you know it’s not very polite to come to someone’s house n’ lie to them, sweetheart.” he squints one eye, the idea of upsetting him making you nervous.

“no i’m sorry it’s just… it’s not like that, okay? he teaches me stuff. that’s all. i… dont have a lot of experience so he’s helping me. that’s it, i swear.” you break easily, and rafes fighting everything in him not to smirk.

“your brother?” he almost sounds mocking, like he wants to laugh and your brows furrow.

“step brother.”

“yeah i…i dunno, kid. you know you could have anyone on this island. m’serious, with a — a pretty face like that? shit.” he leans back, shaking his head. “even i’d help you out.”

and that’s how he gets you, right there on that couch — because fifteen minutes later he’s got you on his knees, sucking on his tip as you look up for guidance.

“yeah, yeah like that. go ahead n’start twisting your hand for me. that’s right… see, kid? don’t need your brother. you got me now.”

꩜⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

#💅🏽 anon #rafe cameron prompt #stepbro!jj #jj x reader x rafe

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pickingupmymercedes · 13 days

Text

Maybe in another life - Lewis Hamilton

Part 2 is here: When I get to meet you

request: "hello can do heavy angst? ... lewis faces the consequences of his stupid actions? like he grovels a lot and suffer a lot. just ripped my heart open with your writing i dont care 😭😭😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻" - anon

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

warnings: Blood, Miscarriage, Asshole Lewis

wordcount: +1K

a/n: Angsty anon, that was a hard one to write. I changed the request a bit, hope it's okay. I just really don't picture him cheating with someone so close to someone he loves, specially since his relationships are very open (as of now, anyway), the rest is still there.

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

TRIGGERING CONTENT UNDER, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

______________________________________________________________

The white of the hotel room walls seemed to closed in on Lewis as he reread the final line of the letter. "I needed you to know." Y/n's words hung in the air, a stark contrast to the roar of the city outside. Every muscle in his body tensed. It couldn't be true. He reread the entire thing, a cold dread settling in his stomach with every sentence.

The letter started with a casualness that ripped at him further. It was a stark reminder of the way they started – a fling fueled by adrenaline and an undeniable connection.

Then came the bombshell. The night she stormed into his Monaco apartment, the one he'd dismissed with a callous "call me later," wasn't just about a fight. It was about a child. Their child. Shame, hot and acrid, burned in his throat. He'd been a fool, blinded by fleeting pleasure, while she carried the weight of the future alone. Their future.

Tears pricked at Lewis's eyes as he read about her decision to keep it, to raise a mini-him, a mini-her, even without him. A part of him swelled with pride, a terrible, conflicting emotion considering how things ended.

The next part though, stole his breath, and even in the second read was still hard to stomach.

He learned about the miscarriage, the brutal way it unfolded – a sharp pain waking her in the quiet of the night, the rush to the bathroom, the crimson staining everything. The helplessness, the loneliness of it all. He should have been there. He should have held her hand, whispered reassurances. But all he'd offered was a dismissive phone call, months before.

Y/n's words about wishing he was by her side echoed in his mind, a constant refrain. The regret, raw and searing, threatened to consume him. He pictured her, alone, grieving a child they both would've never meet.

The letter continued. She spoke of the physical and emotional toll, the weeks that followed, a blur of doctor visits and a silence so deafening it screamed louder than any argument. She told him about leaving F1, needing a clean break from the world that constantly reminded her of what could have been.

The final paragraphs struck him with a force that left him reeling. "Maybe in another life, Lewis.” Another life. A life where he wasn't a self-absorbed champion, where he saw the woman behind the reporter, where he understood the depth of the love she carried, in her heart, and even for a few months in her womb.

Lewis crumpled the letter in his fist, the weight of his mistakes crushing him. The roar of the city outside mocked him, a reminder of the life that went on regardless of his private turmoil. He wanted to call her, to apologize, to somehow bridge the chasm he'd created. But the letter offered no contact information, and the knowledge that it might be too late settling heavy in his mind.

He sank onto the plush hotel bed, the opulence offering no comfort. He was a champion, a winner, and yet he'd lost the most important race of his life – the one for a future he’d thrown away in a haze of selfishness.

Now, all that remained were the ghosts of what could have been, a forever reminder of the price of his arrogance.

_________________________________________________________

Hi Lewis,

I don't want to blame you for any of what I'm about to tell you.

Our story wasn't exactly a fairytale romance, and I knew full well the kind of life you led when we started seeing each other. But somewhere along the line, things started to feel different. Maybe it was the late-night talks after Monaco, or the way you looked at me after a win, a genuine joy that went beyond the cameras.

Whatever it was, I fell for you, harder than I ever thought possible.

That night in Monaco, when I walked into your apartment, the smell of something I shouldn't have smelled. Then I saw the girls, the half-empty bottles, the porno on repeat. I was disappointed.

But deeper than that, I was scared, so damn scared. I needed to talk to you, Lewis, not just about the obvious, but about something more, something monumental.

See, the reason I was there, the reason my voice was shaky and my eyes probably held a storm you couldn't understand, was because I was pregnant, we were.

We were going to have a baby, Lewis. A tiny little person, half you, half me.

The thought had terrified me at first, the responsibility, the unknown. But then, this strange sense of calm. Maybe I could do this. We could do this.

I'm not gonna lie, I thought about ending it, the pregnancy. And that night made the doubt so much greater.

I need you to know I called the abortion clinic. Twice. I even scheduled a date. But I couldn't do it.

Turns out the universe had other plans.

It was still early, barely into the fourth month, but I swear I could already see a hint of a bump. Just the tiniest swell beneath my usual clothes, a secret I carried close.

I imagined late nights with a fussy baby, the smell of milk instead of the usual post-race adrenaline.

I pictured you, maybe not holding the baby because you were off winning another championship, but calling, checking in, a flicker of pride in your voice.

Naive, I know.

For a couple of days, there was just a feeling, a vague unease that settled low . Like a distant echo of discomfort, easily dismissed with a deep breath and a glass of water. But then, the backache started. A dull ache that settled and radiated outwards. It felt familiar, a dull echo almost like cramps, but different somehow. Deeper, more insistent.

The night it happened, I woke up with a sharp pain ripping through me, from the inside out. It stole my breath away, leaving me gasping for air. Panic clawed at my throat as I scrambled out of bed, a cold dread pooling in my stomach. I didn't make it to the bathroom in time, the crimson stained my clothes, the bedsheets, the mattress.

The smell of blood clung to everything in that bedroom for weeks.

The doctor confirmed it in the emergency, a hollow echo in a sterile room. I had a curettage to get the rest of tissue out.

The weeks that followed were a blur. Doctor visits, tests, a crushing silence that spoke louder than any argument we ever had. The grief was a physical weight, a constant ache in my chest.

I also need you to know that through it all, I mourned the life I couldn't carry to term, the tiny flicker of hope that had bloomed within me and that I couldn't keep safe.

That's on me, and I take full responsability.

I couldn't handle F1 after that. The constant reminder of what could have been, it was suffocating. And leaving was an incredibly hard decision, but I needed that. I had to move on.

Maybe in another life, Lewis. Maybe then things would have been different.

Maybe, I would have told you about the day our child started school, all jitters and excitement, a backpack bigger than their little body. Or maybe I would have been showing you their first wobbly steps, a mess of giggles and misplaced feet, a tiny us with ours eyes.

A what-if that will forever linger in the quiet corners of my mind.

This isn't a plea for a response. I don't even know if you'll read this all the way through. Maybe you'll crumple it up and toss it aside. God, maybe I hope you do. But I needed you to know.

- Y/n

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TAGLIST - @saturnssunflower @xoscar03 @chocolatediplomatdreamerzonk @happy-golden-hour @vicurious28

@0710khj @thecubanator2 @neilakk @bigratbitchsworld @adriswrld

@fearfam69691 @cmleitora

#lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 #f1 imagine

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behidethetrees · 9 months

Text

THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY NECK, STILL SMELLS LIKE YOU.

IN WHICH… having a job while dating a clingy rafe doesn’t exactly go hand in hand.

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Fem! Pogue!Reader

Contents: NON-CANON!Rafe, Reader fixes cars, clingy and possessive! Rafe, brief Pope mention, Your friends are the pogues, This is set in the 2000s!!

THIS IS A REUPLOAD!!! my old blog was deleted so i have to reupload all my fics :( Anways enjoy!

Prequel Part 1

Rafe hates that you work.

You weren't meant to clean cars, You were meant to stay inside your Tannyhill house with Rafe, Always next to him, never out of his sight.

He hated the assholes you complained about for being rude to you. Rafe always argued or sometimes fought people who even looked at you wrong. Once he heard some old dude yell at you to hurry up, Later that night Rafe smashed his car with his golf club. He was big on respect especially when it came to you.

But there was nothing more that Rafe hated than the fact you worked with Guys alongside two other girls. It's not that he didn't trust you or thought you might cheat on him with them, He didn't trust them. You were beautiful, heaven sent in Rafe's eyes. Your guy friends were lucky to even be in your presence, Or they were even luckier Rafe didn't bash their heads open for being around you.

Sometimes Rafe would show up to your job for a bit when he wasn't playing golf or he missed you extra. You knew Rafe was very, very clingy, always touching you in some way, But today was extreme.

JULY, 2008.

“Rafe I'm gonna be late!” You tried to get Rafe off your back but he kept hugging you tighter.

“Do you have to have to go, why can't I come, why can't you just quit already?” Rafe whines. He'd never admit it out loud but he dreaded the times you went to work.

You start to waddle towards the front door. “If I let you come with me will you get off of me?” You question him.

Almost instantly Rafe steps away, looking at you surprised as you already walk outside, opening your car door. “Really? I can go?” He asks shocked.

“If you dont get in the car in 10 seconds I'm leaving you.” You stated, Not that you were going to leave him but you wanted him to hurry up. Rafe almost trips because of how fast he darted to your car. Rafe insisted he’d drive you, that wasnt up for discussion.

Rafe opens the car door for you when you two arrive at the Pogue bodyshop. He slips his arms around your waist as you walk, keeping you close to him, This was going to be a long day.

When you popped open the hood of your client's car, Rafe hugged you from behind, Kissing your neck gently as you worked. At first you didn't mind but it started becoming a lot. Anywhere you walked, Rafe followed. When you went to talk to anybody Rafe slung his arm around your neck while giving whoever the death stare, making sure they know you're his.

When you went on lunch break Rafe sat you in his lap, keeping you away from your friends. As you eat your sandwich, Occasionally letting Rafe have a bite, Your friend Pope comes up to you.

“Hey Y/N do you want my chips?” Pope offered, He always gave you his chips because he felt too guilty to tell his mom she wasnt getting the right kind.

“Yeah sure thanks Pope” You smiled at him, as you extended your arm to grab them, You felt Rafe's strong arm pull yours back down.

“Fuck off.” Rafe grits through his teeth, Staring at him tensely. Pope's expression fell and he quickly turned around to start speed walking to the other pogues.

“What the hell was that?” You flicked Rafe on the forehead.

“I dont like him, He's no good like the rest of those pogues.” Rafe states as he rubs the part of his forehead you flicked him on. Rafe didn't like your friends for many reasons, stupid reasons. Mostly because they're pogues, like you, which confused you.

“Im a pogue too Rafe.” You remind him as you cross your arms, You didn't understand the whole ‘Kooks vs. Pogues’ rivalry. You recall the first time you met JJ he went on a rant on how you should stay away from kooks and how they're the real trash.

“Not like them, you're different baby.” Rafe tried to clarify but he had already messed up. You stood up in front of him, still crossing your arms.

“Apologize to him or leave.” You tell him. “ You can't come to my work just to be mean to my friends and clients, And I can't work with you all up on me Rafe!” Rafe quickly stood up, He heard your tone and your voice slightly getting louder indicating you were getting annoyed with him. But luckily for Rafe, he knew how to get you to calm down.

“Hey, hey I'm sorry okay? Really I am, dont make me leave.” Rafe grabbed your hands to take them into his own. All it took was Rafe's sweet words and his dazzling eyes for you to give in to him. Your face softens as you look at him.

You sigh. “Please stop clinging to me when I'm working okay? I promise we can cuddle when we get home but I need to get this car done.” You tell him, He quickly nods.

“And I'm serious Rafe, apologize to Pope!” You playfully push his shoulder.

“Whatever you want baby.”

A/N: someone on my old blog wanted a prequel of how they met so i will do that soon <3.

Requests

Taglist: @nowitsmissing

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #drew starkey #drew starkey x reader #outer banks #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #obx3 #obx fic #rafe obx #obx x reader

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marnikula · 10 days

Note

Can u do early seasons spencer x reader who has a lot of problems and they let people walk all over them and they dont set boundaries and they struggle with their emotions. Reader likes spencer a lot but doesn't seek him out bc they feel like he deserves better! And u can decide what happens but make it happy ending :)

Oh my word, I literally spent like 2 hours writing this because I wrote something and then my internet cut out when I posted and now it's lost, so I had to rewrite it. Hope you enjoy!

Cw: gn reader, people dumping work on reader, Spencer being cute

Enjoy!

You were a doormat. You knew it, your friends knew it, everyone knew it. You tried to set boundaries, to say no, but it never seemed to stick. Saying no made you feel guilty, it made you feel like a bad person even though you knew you weren't.

Being a doormat, people tended to walk all over you, requesting ridiculous things of you. That is how it came to be that you were sitting alone in the bullpen, the clock ticking away, showing you that it was around midnight and you still had a whole stack of papers to go through. You felt yourself about to fall asleep, and truly, you were too tired to fight it off when a ding signaled the arrival of someone.

Without even turning to look who it was you knew it was Spencer Reid. You recognized his footsteps, and even if you didn't, the smell he brought with him would have alerted you. It was the smell of coffee mixed sweet undertones, almost as if he had spent his whole day in a café. It was intoxicating. "What are you still doing here?" "Working, I have a lot of stuff to finish before tomorrow" "you mean today" looking back at the clock you could see he was right, it was now officially the next day.

"Do you need some help?" without even waiting for you to decline Spencer took half of the pile you were working on. He moved fast, knowing you well enough to know that you hated asking for help, especially from him, he just could never figure out why.

"Spencer, you really don't need to, I've got this" reaching your hands to take the files back only to be swatted away by the doctor was something you did not expect. "I'm not saying you don't have it, I'm just going to help you so you can go home earlier"

Sighing you admitted defeat and went to go make coffee for the two of you. With Spencer's help you managed to make it through the massive stack of papers on your desk in less that an hour, something you would never have been able to do on your own.

"You, doctor Spencer Reid, are amazing, what can I do to thank you?" it was a slight tease on your part. You didn't expect him to ask you anything return, it wasn't like him, he was too nice . That was one of the things you loved about him, and one of the reasons you willed the crush growing in your heart to shrivel up and die. He deserved so much better than you. Someone with a mind as amazing as his own, someone with kindness rivaling his and someone who knew how to say no. You were none of those. At least not in your own eyes.

"You could go on a date with me" Spencer surprised himself with those words, he really hadn't meant to say them out loud, but he really liked you, and in a moment of confidence inspired by sleep deprevation, he decided to take a chance.

"Really? You mean it?" the both of you were blushing hard at this point, him thinking about how he could have possibly screwed this up and you thinking about how this could possibly get any better.

"I-I mean, only if you want to, you really don't have to feel pressured, I know I said I would take it as paiment, but honestly spending time with you was enough of a payme-" grabbing his face in your hands you turned him to look at you, shutting off his ramblings with the movement and shutting off his brain with your words

"I would love to"

#dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #doctor spencer reid #bau #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic #criminal minds #criminal minds fluff

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just-my-latest-hyperfixation · 6 months

Text

Break it first

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles, day 2

Prompt: Came back wrong

Rated: M

CW: Mind control/brainwashing; Possessive behavior; Referenced character death; Aftermath of trauma; Aftermath of injury; Kidnapping

Tags: Kas!Eddie Munson; Dark Eddie Munson

Notes: So, I already had a fill for this prompt, but then @house-of-the-moving-image showed me this stunning piece of art and my brain broke like Steve's. We both have a bunch of other fills coming up for this challenge, quite a few of them collabs, and I'm so, so stoked to share!!! ❤️

He still remembers how fragile Steve looked.

They were in the boat house, Steve and Eddie. The others had gone out for supplies, but Steve had insisted on hanging back. Eddie hadn’t protested, even though the thought made his heart rabbit.

The second they were alone, Steve let himself slide down the wall and curled into a ball on the floor, face hidden between hunched knees, shaking hands clawing at his own temples.

“Hey, man!” Eddie jumped in alarm. “You okay?”

Steve took a while to reply.

“Fine,” he claimed, but his smile was a tense thing in a too-pale face. “Just headaches. Been getting them a lot. Robin thinks it's 'cause I got knocked around a few times too many."

Eddie quirked an eyebrow, pulled a strand of hair in front of his face. "That … happen often in your line of business?"

And Steve told him.

About fighting monsters with nothing but a nail bat. About Billy Hargrove. About Russian torture chambers and the headaches and the nightmares and the ringing in his right ear that never really went away. He looked so young, so beautiful, so broken. Eddie wanted to scoop him up and put him back together and hold him close so that nothing would ever hurt him again.

But he didn't.

Instead, he watched.

Watched how Steve squared his shoulders and put on a brave face for the kids. Watched as Steve threw himself to the front lines so that others wouldn’t have to. Watched as Steve got choked and torn apart, that golden skin painted in new scars, and told everyone not to worry, he was fine.

Eddie watched and Eddie didn't do a thing.

Because Eddie was weak.

Eddie was a coward.

It's a good thing he's dead.

Steve is still the one to throw himself into danger first. That's good. It makes it easy to catch him alone.

"You still have the scar on your neck …"

A flick of his wrist and the bats scatter into the clouds. Steve curses, scrambles to his knees, gropes for his fallen weapon- and freezes as he cradles his face in both hands, tilting his head up.

"... Eddie?"

"Not quite," he hums, sharp claws carding through soft hair. "I have his body and his memories, that's all. The name's Kas. I've been dying to meet you, sweet thing."

Those caramel eyes go wide. Steve tenses under his hands, tries to scramble away. That's okay, to be expected. He tightens his grip. Steve gasps as the vines on the ground wrap around his wrists and ankles.

"What are you-?"

"Sssh…" he brings their foreheads together, softly, slowly. Lets his mind wiggle inside the boy's, just a sliver at first, so he won't notice. Finds a crack, fine as a hairline, slips inside. Waits. "He was so in love with you, y'know that? It ate him alive, watching you sacrifice yourself over and over again. Seeing you suffer. Being unable to help, being unable to fix it."

Steve's mind flutters like a frightened bird as he encases it with his, gently, carefully. His arms twitch in their restraints, trying to break free.

He smiles. Always the fighter, his sweet boy.

"Dont worry," he coos. “I’ve got it all figured out now sweetheart. I’ll fix everything, promise."

"Eddie, wait-" Steve's mind flails. Realizes it's trapped, panicks, tries to break free-

And he pounces.

Steve struggles, briefly, but he doesn’t stand the ghost of a chance. He's human, and humans are weak. All it takes is a little pressure, and the tiny crack opens wide, welcoming him in.

Steve screams.

"I know, sweet thing, I know," he coos, curls himself around the boy's spasming body as he digs in deeper. "It'll only hurt for a moment. You'll feel so much better after."

He sees them now, the scars on that beautiful mind, the traces left by years and years of hurt. Sees how to fix them, sees what Eddie could never have seen. What Eddie was too soft, too cowardly to understand.

Sometimes, to fix something, you need to break it first.

And he does.

Tears at the cracks of that mind until it comes apart at the seams, shatters the fragments into so many tiny shards, grinds what is left into fine, fine dust. Steve screams and sobs and begs him to stop until his voice breaks. By the time the dust is ready to be molded back into shape, he is silent, bar for the occasional whimper.

He tells the vines to release their hold, cradles the limp body against his chest. He hums softly and kisses the tears from under the boy's unblinking eyes while he completes his work. He takes his time. This needs to be perfect.

"You with me, darling?"

Steve hums against the crook of his neck, so softly he nearly misses it.

When he looks down, those pretty eyes are blinking up at him, wide and wondrous like those of a newborn.

He chuckles. It's true in a way.

"Feeling all better?" he asks, claws softly tracing the shell of his boy's right ear. "Ringing should be gone?"

Steve doesn’t reply, just slips his eyes shut and nuzzles closer, every movement slow and sluggish.

He coos.

"Aw, sweetheart. You must be exhausted, that was a lot to take." He gently scratches at Steve's scalp, revels in the little sigh it gets him. "Don't worry. From now on, nothing's gonna hurt you ever again. I'll make sure of it."

Steve stirs a little at the soft press of lips against his forehead. His lids flutter, but they don’t open.

"That's it, honey, you rest. Let's take you home now."

By the time he has adjusted Steve's weight so that he can stand and start walking, his boy is fast asleep.

All of my holiday drabbles

#steddie #steve harrington x eddie munson #steve x eddie #steddie brainrot #steddie fanfic #fanfiction writer #fanfiction #fanfic #my writing #steddie holiday drabbles #hype's holiday drabbles

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bucks-babe · 1 month

Note

maybe angel!reader helping bucky thru a panic attack? like he thinks when he dies hes gonna suffer in hell for the stuff the winter soldier did and we calm him down and help him? u can add smut if u want but u dont have to !!

My Guardian, My Angel, My Love

Pairing: Bucky x angel!reader

Summary: For the first time Bucky gets to experience peace because of his sweet angel.

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: Angst?, actually a lot of angst, I don’t know how it got that way but it did, it gets happy though, fluff, smut (I can’t help myself), oral f!receiving, handjob, awkward sex talk, like really awkward, talk about heaven and dying, talk about life after death and immortality, angels based off of Supernatural but I changed a few things, blood, nearly dying, gunshots, reader doesn’t have a soul but can still love because I said so, reader knows when and how everyone dies but can’t tell them, reader has wings, 3rd person, age gap (reader is eons old), wings being a metaphor for sexual assault?, think Maleficent, no use of Y/N, so many emotions

A/N: This is not supposed to force any religion nor be an accurate representation of any religion. I din't go with panic attack, rather I had him almost die. I was feeling angsty

The moment Bucky’s knees hit the ground he knows it's over, that this is the end. He knew this was the way he would go out, on a mission, desperately trying to atone all his misdeeds. Tendrils of pain shot throughout his stomach, blood seeping through his fingers. When his side hit the ground, he knew it wouldn’t be too long before he went, limbs feeling too heavy. He couldn’t hear Steve screaming for help, scrambling for anything to stop the bleeding.

What Bucky did hear though, was a ruffle, almost like a flock of birds flying by, then a figure he’d never seen before stood above him. She’s here to take me. It didn’t strike Bucky as odd that she was the only thing that was clear, the rest of his view blurry and unfocused. He tried to speak, he really did, but no words came out, the breath leaving his lungs not enough to push any words out.

The woman crouches down, hand cupping his cheek with such softness tears leave his eyes, wiped away by Steve in the quinjet who seemingly can’t see her. “Close your eyes, my love. When you wake up, I’ll be there.” Fuck, this is really happening. Fear coursed through his body, scared of what punishment his sins earned him. I deserve to go to hell for what I’ve done.

A guttural whine passes his lips; Steve chokes back sobs next to his lifelong friend. “Shh, none of that, now. I won’t let anything bad happen to you, I promise. You can rest now.” All at once, the pain is gone. Bucky feels like he’s floating - it’s wonderful.

Bucky has no problem opening his eyes. What the fuck? This is hell? Well damn. The most wonderful sound meets his ears - a giggle, soft and delicate. “No, my love, this is not hell and you’re not dead.” She comes into view. She’s gorgeous. Wait, I’m alive! Apparently, Bucky says that last part because Steve’s gasp enters his ears.

“Yeah, Buck, you’re alive. Gave us a scare though, didn’t uh, didn’t know if you would make it.” Bucky doesn’t respond right away, too busy looking around for his mystery woman, only to be met with the walls of the med bay. “Hey, I’m right here, Buck, look at me.” It’s not the woman, rather it’s Steve.

“How long was I out? What happened?”

“A few days. It was touch and go for some time but you bounced back. When we were on the mission, Hydra had a sniper posted outside. He got you right in the stomach.” Bucky could hear the emotion in Steve’s voice, the fear of losing his best friend still leaving him shaken up.

“Well, they’re a pretty shitty shot if you ask me. Could have gotten one right between the eyes with one of those shit guns we got in the war.” Steve coughs out a laugh, turning into a belly laugh a few seconds later. Bucky would laugh with him, but the bullet wound in his abdomen says he shouldn’t. He still doesn’t see the woman, though. Maybe I just made her up.

A few days later, doctor Cho gives him the all clear to leave the med bay; however, he’s off duty for the foreseeable future and not any amount of his grumbling changed her mind. Still, Bucky hasn’t seen the woman. He feels a little crazy that he misses her, well crazier.

Slowly, he makes his way to his room. Steve offered to help but Bucky wanted to do this on his own, having been tended to his whole stay in hospital. He puts in his password on the keypad Tony installed when Bucky first arrived, when the fear that Hydra would come back and take him was too much to bear. His room is the same way he left it, except for a woman on his bed. Not just any woman though, it was his mystery lady.

Someone’s gonna have to put me in the cuckoo's nest. She laughs as if she can hear his thoughts. God, I hope not. “God has bigger things to worry about than such an inconspicuous fear as that, my love.” She sits up, facing him, the most beautiful smile gracing her lips.

“Can you hear my thoughts?” He feels like he already knows the answer, but asks anyway. If this woman is made up, of course she can read his mind. She just smiles and rises to her feet, walking over to him.

“What do you think, my love?” She tilts her head, a soft smile still resides on her lips. He feels so safe with her and she isn’t even real, just a figment of his imagination, a ruse to comfort himself in what he thought were his last moments. “I am very real, I’ll have you know.”

Bucky doesn’t know why, but he believes her. He believes this woman who showed up randomly on a field, who his best friend couldn’t see, and who disappeared without a trace. “How then? How did you do it?”

“Do what, my love?” She grabs his hand and leads him to the bed, helping him sit, finding a spot next to him.

“Save me, hear my thoughts, hide from Steve, disappear, get into my room, all of it. It’s not natural. Either you’re a ghost, or a mutant, or a reaper who was trying to take me. I don’t know, but you’re something.” Another laugh escapes her. He should be terrified of her, but he can’t find it in himself to be, her presence emanating calm.

“Well aren’t you a clever one? However, I’m none of those things nor did I save you. It just wasn’t your time yet. I’m an angel, though, to answer your question.” Bucky just stares, not believing her. This has to be a joke. “No joke, my love. If you want, I can prove it to you.” Bucky doesn’t even question why she calls him my love, the sound of it just too nice to stop.

Bucky just nods, words failing him. She rises to her feet, turning to stand in front of him. He hears them before he sees them, the same ruffle he heard as he lay dying. Then he sees them. A pair of dark wings coming from her back. She doesn’t spread them all the way, too big to fit in the small space of his room. “They’re black.” She throws her head back, a loud, beautiful laugh fills his ears.

“That was your first thought? You don’t like them? Personally I think they’re quite nice.” It was the first thing that came to his mind, the rest blank. Maybe he should have asked for more proof, but he knows she would never lie to him. He doesn’t know how he knows, he just does.

“I don’t know. I guess I just thought they’d be white. With the whole angel thing, you know?” She hums.

“There is a lot humans have wrong about us. I mean, plenty of us have white wings, but they come in many colors. If you can believe it, this isn’t even my true form.” Bucky is confused, she looks so real. A tangible human, someone he can touch.

“What is your true form then? Can I see it?” That’s a little personal to ask, dumbass.

“Well, that is a little complicated. Only one human has seen my true form and it didn’t go well. I thought she could handle it, but when she saw me, well let’s just say she couldn’t see from then on.” Bucky’s eyes widened, not expecting that answer. “Anything else you want to ask me?”

Her wings are still out, folded against her back. They look so soft. “Can I touch your wings?” Her wings shift slightly. If he wasn’t trained to observe everything and everyone, Bucky wouldn’t have known that she was uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I didn’t know-”

“That’s okay. An angel’s wings are very personal. They’re sensitive and even for an ethereal being, it's very personal - intimate.”Clearing her throat, she changes the subject. “I know your name, my love. Might I say, it’s very pretty, but you don’t know mine.” Bucky picks up on her attempt to move his attention away from her wings.

“What is it then? I can’t call you angel forever, however fitting it may be.”

“Well I don’t exactly have a name. I’m a cherubim. The only angels who have names are the archangels, the first borns.”

It was Bucky’s turn to smile.”My little cherub.” She doesn’t tell him that cherub is the plural of cherubim. Until this day, Bucky didn’t know that angels could get shy, yet here his sweet cherub is, shying away from his piercing eyes. He bets if he felt her face he would feel the heat on them. “I have to ask though, my little cherub, why did you come to me?”

She became serious, staring right into his eyes. “Because God commanded it.”

“What does God want to do with me? Out of all the people in this world, he chose me?” A pained look crossed her face and she walked over to him, kneeling in front of him like he was her God. Her hands ran up his arms, goosebumps rising at the pass of her hands. He almost stopped breathing - he could feel her hand on his left arm. He hasn’t felt anything with that hand since he fell of that train.

Hands still rising, she cups his face with both hands, making him look into her eyes. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” It wasn’t a question. She knew. “That is why he sent me. He sent me because you deserve it. You deserve to let go.” At that moment, Bucky broke down. Sobbing uncontrollably, somehow without pain in his fresh wound.

She pulls him into her, wrapping her arms around him. His face buried in her neck, arms clutching her back. She hesitates for a second, no one having touched her wings in thousands of years, yet she cocoons him with them, shielding him from the world. It only makes Bucky cry harder, her wings holding every bit of softness he thought they would. The comfort she brings unlike any other he experienced before.

Her arms rub his back as she coos to him. Soft words spoken into his hair. “Shh, my love, I’m here. Nothing bad will ever happen to you again. I will die before I let that happen.” The conviction in her tone sets him off more, unable to comprehend someone would do that for him without a second thought. A being, older than he can even fathom, is ready to give it all away for a mesley human. A speck of dust in her life. His entire existence no longer than a second when compared to hers.

That’s how it was for a while, Bucky’s sweet cherub staying with him. At night she would wrap her wings around him, keeping him safe. Bucky knows that her powers are the reason his nightmares are gone. At first he was glad that he could finally sleep, but then the guilt crept in. Why should he be allowed to forget the horrors he committed? Their families didn’t get that condolence.

When he told her this she wasn’t having any of it, wings jerking in annoyance. It was something that he picked up on, how when she experienced emotions her wings would move in different ways, always giving her away.

“I swear, my love, you’re going to make my wings turn gray with all this. I have lived a long life, longer than you can comprehend, so when I tell you that I have seen the best and the worst of this world, I mean it. And you, my love, are a good man. There is a reason God sent me to you.” Her wings surrounded him and he felt himself relax. “There is no quest to send you on, no mission that the world hangs in the balance of. It’s just you. A man who needs to see the good in himself.” Bucky hangs his head in shame, not meeting her eyes.

“You think your purpose is suffering for the things you couldn’t control? My purpose is to save you. My love,” she cups his face in her hands, wiping away the tears he didn’t know had formed, “I have done far worse things in my life. Horrific things, yet I’m here right now, with you. Please, let me take your pain away.”

None of this was easy for Bucky. No one has ever had their sole purpose be him. Back in the forties he took care of Steve, he stepped up when his father left. When he was no longer the Winter Soldier, Steve helped him, but Steve’s care never felt like this. Bucky knows that he’s fallen in love with her. He knows that she knows, but what he doesn’t know is if she feels the same.

What he doesn’t know is that she is fighting the same battle, the feeling of love is one she has never had before. It all came to a head one night, Bucky wrapped in her wings, her head on his chest. “Cherub?” She felt the vibrations in his chest.

“Yes, my love.”

“You said that we could be together for the rest of my life, right?” She did say that when he was worried that she would leave him after her mission was complete.

“I did.” One thing about her is that she never gave long answers to questions, not used to having to talk with humans.

“What happens when I die? Where will I go? I want you to be there with me.”

She sighed, thinking about how to convey her words properly. “When you die… you’ll go to heaven. It has already been decided. If you choose, when you go, I will be there with you for the rest of our existence, but you don’t have to make a decision now. My body will age with yours, follow you to the end of your life. When your time comes, we will leave and go to heaven where we will both be young again.”

Without hesitation Bucky answers, “I want that. I want you to be with me for the rest of eternity.” There was no doubt in his mind. Even though he met her a few months ago, he knew. “I have to ask, what is heaven like?”

She sits up a bit, shifting to lay on his chest, wings still cocooning them, keeping them in their own little bubble. “There is no one heaven. Not everyone who ever went there is in the same place. Heaven is made up of small pockets of personal heavens. People who lost their loved ones meet again, your happiest memories are relived, there is no pain or sorrow, you can have anything you want.”

Bucky felt the pull of his chest, emotion bubbling up. “Is my ma there? And Becca?” The words come out thick, a lump forms in Bucky’s throat. “Please, don’t lie to me.”

She looks into his eyes. “Yes, they are. They’re together and they’re waiting for you. I have seen them myself, right before I left to meet you. They talk very highly of you, my love.”

Tears fall from his face, the pain in his chest all the time at the greatest loss of his life eased slightly. “Can I talk to them?” He knows it's a long shot, but if there is a chance he wants it.

“I’m so sorry, my love, but I can’t. Even I don’t have the power to do that. If I could, I would.” A pained whine leaves his lips. “Hey, you know who is waiting for you too?” She waits a beat before speaking anyway. “Your dog from when you were a kid. He’s in his prime, always will be. His days are spent chasing rabbits around the yard.”

“Balto’s up there too?” A small smile graced his face, crows feet appearing by his eyes.

“Yeah. If it is any consolation, time passes differently up there. The longing you feel right now for them, they feel the same only it’s made easier by us.” Bucky only nods, staring into her eyes, seeing nothing but truth. His eyes flicker to her lips and back up. “You can, my love, I want you to.”

That was all Bucky needed to hear. Gently cupping her cheek, he guided her lips to his. There was no rush, no sense of urgency. They had all the time in the world and then some. Bucky never felt anything this good in his life and he was only kissing her. When she licked his lips, he opened mouth without a thought, brain clouded with love just for her.

He moaned into the kiss, the feeling of her tongue on his incredible. At his sound, Bucky felt her wings flutter under him. Breaking the kiss, he giggled. Bucky actually giggled. She reared her head back, slightly affronted by his laugh when she just kissed him.

“I’m sorry, my little cherub, it’s just that your wings tickled me.” She huffs and a second later, her wings are gone the only sign they were ever out is the small black feather on the bed. “No, cherub, don’t put them away. I love them.” She wasn’t really offended, but she wanted to tease him a bit.

Her wings were always out around Bucky, comfortable enough to reveal the most intimate and personal part of herself to him. He was the first human in thousands of years to touch them, but he was the only one to be wrapped in them. The only time they were touched was when a man cut them off her back. It was a time when she trusted humans, not knowing the atrocities they were capable of.

Her wings were white then, when she was pure and unknowing of the hate humans possessed. God crafted her a new pair. Of course she accepted them, but her feathers turned black, scared she looked to her father. When he said that it was because of the wrongs his creations did, it broke something in her, took away her purity, teaching her a lesson. Father never blamed her for it, he knew she would heal with time. It was part of the reason he sent her to the man she lays in bed with.

Bucky didn’t know this, he didn’t know how much she was betrayed by humans, only for her to trust him and him alone. She playfully glares at him before bringing her wings back out, sitting up on his lap. Gently, more gentle than he has been in years, Bucky reaches out to touch them. She lets him feel them whenever he wants, even wrapping him in them as he sleeps, but this was a completely different setting.

She was so vulnerable at this moment. Her wings flapped, a nervous tick of her’s, making Bucky pull away immediately. “Cherub, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” She swallows before meeting his eyes.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to touch them. It’s just that only one other human has touched them. There was a time where I was naive and innocent, not knowing what humans were capable of.” She pauses and Bucky sits up, back against the headboard and laces his fingers with hers, feeling the softness on his metal hand.

“It was a man, he had a family, a kid and a wife. They struggled to survive, trading their valuables for a slice of bread. Father sent me to help them, take away their sorrows. Said he was an honest man trying to make an honest living.” Bucky senses where her story is going, hoping that it doesn’t end the way he fears, but the pain in her eyes is palpable, a human emotion angels almost never experience.

He waits for her to continue, not forcing her to speak. “At first, they were grateful, having everything they needed. They had their health, food on the table, but the man grew greedy. He wanted more. One day, as I was watching his child in a field, keeping her safe from the horrors of the world, he snuck behind me with a sword he got from a blacksmith, sharper than any blade. He-he cut my wings right off my back.”

Tears fell from her eyes, not having relived that moment for thousands of years. Bucky felt his heart physically ache. She was sent to heal him, but it was his turn to do the same. “You know, my wings used to be white?” She looks into his eyes, red with tears. “When he hurt me, Father took me back to heaven, crafting me another pair. They were white but when he gave them to me, they turned black.”

A whine leaves her lips and Bucky pulls her into him, careful not to touch her wings. “Oh, my sweet little cherub, I’m here and I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I’ve never felt as content as I have with you, never so happy and I will do anything to keep you safe. I love you, no matter what you have done, I’ll still love you.” This only made her cry harder. Human emotions were foreign to her, but spending so much time with Bucky caused her to develop them. It was almost overwhelming, going from not having anything to having so much fill her body.

“Father said that it was because the man took my innocence, showed me the evil of the world. I’ve never seen him apologize for anything, yet that day he was broken, realizing that his creations, even the ones he thought were good, are capable of unspeakable atrocities. They will never turn white again because I’m ruined.” Tears welled up in Bucky’s eyes. His sweet cherub thinking she is anything less than perfect breaks his heart.

“My cherub, you saved me, now let me do the same for you. Let me heal you like you have me.” Leaning back slightly, she took his hands in her own, drawing them up her waist to her back, moving them to touch her wings. At his touch, she gasped, eyes closing forcing more tears to cascade down her face. The feeling of his gentle hands, hands that have done so much harm, resting on the most violated part of her body was something she never thought would happen.

She didn’t know she could love until she met Bucky, finally placing a word to the indescribable warmth that spreads throughout her body every time she thinks of him. “I love you too, my love. Forever and ever, til you die, til the end of time, in heaven and on earth.” They were both crying, neither experiencing the tenderness of love before.

He brings her down, kissing her with as much passion as he possibly could, tasting the mixture of both of their tears. Her arms clutching onto him, trying to get closer. He did the same, one hand running across her wings like he was trying to wash away the taint of betrayal his kind caused.

Shifting on his lap, she feels the bulge of his cock, half hard pressed up against her. Gasping, she pulls away. “Cherub, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean, it just-.” She silences him with her lips, drawing a groan from him, subconsciously grinding down onto him. “Cherub, we have to stop, I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’re vulnerable right now, I can’t do that to you.”

Her hips stutter on his. “My love, I want to, I need to. Need to be closer to you, please grant me this.” His hands run up and down her sides, soothing the heat of her skin.

“Any time you want to stop, or don’t like something, you tell me. Okay? This is about me showing you how perfect you are.” She nods, kissing him one more time. Bucky’s hands slide up her shirt, resting on her soft skin, palms feeling the goosebump under his touch. Looking up at her for permission to take her shirt off, she nods.

Bucky did that with every piece of clothing, every move he made. Soon they were both naked, her wings splayed out on the bed, twitching in a way he never saw before - arousal. “My, my love, I have to tell you something.” He pulls his eyes away from her wings to look into her eyes. “I’ve never done this before. Angels, we don’t do this, I don’t know what to feel right now.”

Hands cupping her cheeks, he smiles at her, relaxing into his touch. “Do you feel safe?” She nods. “Do you feel like you have to do this for me?” She shakes her head. “Do you want me to please you?” She nods once again. “We don’t have to do anything with this,” he gestures to his throbbing erection.

“I want to, I just need you to show me what to do.” The thought that she trusts him enough to take care of her makes his cock pulse, aching for some type of relief.

“Let me make you feel good, okay? All you have to do is lay back and tell me how it feels.” She nods her head in understanding, worries slowly fading away. He kisses down her body, taking the time to swirl his tongue around his sensitive nipples, grinning at the small gasp it draws from his cherubs lips.

Going further down, his face is right in front of her pussy, smelling her intoxicating scent. “Keep your eyes on me, cherub.” She gulps. For a minute, Bucky just stares at her pussy, breathing her in, memorizing how wet she is before his tongue flicks out onto her clit.

“Oh, that feels good. Can you do it again?” She was so sweet, asking so kindly for him to deliver her pleasure.

“Of course I can.” And with that, Bucky dives into her pussy, restraining himself from devouring her. He groans into her cunt, already addicted to her taste, the moans she lets out are soft and breathy, yet it’s one of the most beautiful things he's ever heard, only competition being her laugh.

“My love, I don’t, what is happening to me?” Bucky pulls away from her cunt, reaching up to lace their hands together.

“Just let that feeling wash over you. It’s okay, I’ll catch you when you fall, I’m here.” He goes right back to her pussy, lapping her juices up, eyes boring into hers. She was twitching on the bed, hips bucking up to meet his tongue. Bucky chuckles when he sees her wings flap, not knowing what to do with the pleasure coursing through her.

Her orgasm comes as a surprise to her, never experiencing one before, nor knowing what they were. Her eyes shoot open, wings beating wildly, body almost convulsing on the soft sheets. Bucky pulls away, not trying to overstimulate her. He almost cums at the sight of her, it was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

It takes her a while, but she comes down, wings falling limp on the bed as Bucky crawls up her body, resting in between her legs. “My love, what was that? I thought I was about to die.”

Barking out a laugh, Bucky leans down. “That was an orgasm, sweet cherub. How did it feel?” She whines, not able to put what she felt into words.

“Like nothing I have ever felt before. It was incredible.” Her eyes close. Bucky is perfectly happy to hold her, not caring about his own orgasm, but her eyes shoot open, wide and curious. “Can you have one, too?”

Another laugh leaves him. “Yes, cherub, I can. It’s a little different from yours though.” Her eyes squint in confusion, clearly not understanding what could be different. “Well, for one, what I have looks a little different to yours, doesn’t it?” She nods. Bucky never thought he would be giving “The Talk” to an angel, but here he was. “When I have an orgasm, stuff comes out of this tip, right here.” He grabs his cock to show her.

“Can I see it? How do I make you do that?” It was Bucky’s turn to be surprised.

“Cherub, you don’t have to do that.” Her glare is enough to make Bucky continue. “Um, there are a few different ways. I could put it inside of you, that feels good for you too.”

“In where?” Bucky huffs, not in annoyance, but this talk is turning him off. Not that he’s mad at that, but the conversation feels like talking to a child, someone who hasn’t experienced anything sexual and it wasn’t exactly turning him on, it felt wrong to have this talk naked.

“In this hole right under where I was touching you. There is another one under that, but it’s different from the other. Or your mouth, but also a hand. Pretty much anything that could rub against that area.” Bucky felt his cheeks heat up. His cock was going soft right in front of her eyes.

“Can I do one? I want to see you orgasm.” Her eyes were so bright and eager, he couldn’t say no to his cherub. He nods, only for her to glance down at his soft cock. “Why is it smaller now? I think it’s kind of cute.”

This has to be the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to him. No woman has ever called his dick cute, or made a comment on its size when soft. He gets compliments on how big he is when he’s hard, but soft is a different story. He’s a grower not a shower. He has to admit, his encounter is damaging his ego a bit. “It gets bigger when I’m aroused, but if it’s not touched it gets softer.” He’s lying straight through his teeth, he can stay hard for hours without touching his dick.

“If you touch it, it gets big again.” She switches positions, having him on his back, resting between his legs, face right next to his cock. He feels himself twitch and she jerks her head in surprise, giggling at her own reaction. She begins to almost pet him, it feels good but not what he needs.

He reaches down, guiding her hand to gather the precum at his tip, slowly pulling it back down, tightening her grip on his dick. “Oh, wow, it’s getting bigger. It’s so hard.” Her amazement at something so simple as a dick getting hard is endearing.

Bucky grunts when he twists her hand. “I liked that sound.” Her words make him groan again, cock all the way hard. His hips buck into her hand and he lets her hand go, trusting her to keep her pace. It’s slow but firm, driving him insane. He wants her to go faster, harder, but this is about her, letting her discover at her own pace.

“Spit on the tip, it’ll make it easier to move.” She does so without hesitation. Bucky’s head flies back into the headboard, moaning at her soft hands working his cock. “Just like that, cherub, you’re doing so good. This feels incredible.” Bucky meant every word of it. Her hand honestly felt better than the full blown sex he’s had in the past. Maybe it was because he loved her with all his heart, or maybe it was because she was an angel, either way, Bucky didn’t have it in himself to care.

“You look so pretty like this, my love. I love this, making you feel good.” Bucky’s hips pick up speed, feeling his orgasm building up in the base of his cock.

“Cherub, I’m going to cum. Please keep going just like that.” She figures he means orgasm since he is jerking just like she was. The urge to make him orgasm was almost too much to bear, wanting him to show her how beautiful he was when he lets go. “Oh, cherub, I’m about to, oh fuck.” He moans long and loud, cum spurting out of his tip. She gasps at the force of it but doesn’t let up her pace. She had never seen anything more beautiful than her love in this moment.

He has to stop her, not knowing that he needed a break. “Love, I want to make you do that again.” She scoops some of his cum off his stomach with her finger and just stares at it.

“You can taste it if you’d like.” She eagerly licks her fingers, eyes bulging at his taste, dropping down to lick the rest of it off his body. “Come here, cherub.” He pulls her into a kiss, tasting himself on her tongue. He pulls the cover over their bodies, her wings instinctively wrapping around him.

“Thank you, my love, for always taking care of me. I was sent to save you, yet I feel that it’s the other way around.” Bucky doesn’t think so. He knows that she saved him. They fall asleep together and in the morning they will find that her wings are just a bit lighter than the night before.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes smut #bucky x you #bucky imagine #bucky smut #sebastian stan x reader #james bucky buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes au

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boozenboze · 1 year

Note

Can I ask for a really stoic reader (rbf, looks like he's glaring all the time when in reality he thinks about dinner)that smiles for the first time with 141 boys and Alejandro if that's okay?

Why so Serious?

Summary:M/n was never seen with a happy expression.He always looked dull and it looked like he was on the verge of killing someone.That was until one of the new recruits made him smile.

Females She/Her and She/They DNI

Who seemed the most serious out of 141.If you said Ghost you aren’t completely wrong but at least the man attempts to make jokes.Unlike a certain h/c haired males who seemed to have only one expression.Out of all the time 141 has known him he has never smiled.Soap always says something that is downright hilarious and yet the male never cracked.This disheartens the scot but he never gives up.

“Hey M/n!”Soap said while approaching the male who was currently cooking.

“What McTavish?”M/n responded in annoyance,wincing when he felt the onions fumes go in his eyes.

“Why dont the dinosaurs talk?”The scottish man asked as M/n hummed in response,telling him to continue.

“They can’t because their dead.”Soap laughed out while slapping his knee.The man who was in hysterics stopped laughing when he saw the h/c haired male just staring at him as if he was stupid.

“I don’t find you funny.”M/n said with a deadpanned expression.The scot looked genuinely hurt by the males comment and walked away without saying a word.The h/c haired male plated his meal before exiting the kitchen.

A few days passed after that incident, Gaz and Soap had been trying to make the stone faced male crack a smile.The two went as far as to making themselves trip and fall.EVERYBODY LAUGHS WHEN SOMEBODY FALLS OVER THE AIR SO WHY HAVEN’T YOU LAUGHED?!

Ghost found the situation amusing.Sure he could joke around here snd there but you were a completely different story.You always looked like you were ready to off someone and he actually developed a small fear of you.Price made a lot of dad jokes so as you can probably guess you never laughed at his jokes.

When Alejandro would come and visit he would always tease the male in spanish.He would also poke at the males cheek in attempts to make him crack a smile.It doesn’t work,snd M/n’s glare didn’t help.The h/c haired male had always been quite blunt but he never meant to come across that way.He’s always been like that and he has laughed at the jokes Soap made,but it’s always been in his head.

One of those days M/n had been wondering what he should eat for lunch.His face was so serious that other’s thought that he was upset when he was just deep in tought.Gaz was the one guy he had to explain it to.

A few weeks later a few new recruits had came to the base.One of them thst went by the name Andre,was put under M/n’s care.They talked very often and had really funny conversations that made M/n laugh.Thats how we get to the current situation.

Soap was once again trying his best to make M/n laugh.He noticed the male let out small chuckles st his words which let him know what he was doing was working.Soap had ran up the Gaz happily informing him of his accomplishment of making the Brit laugh.Ghost hummed in amusement and Alejandro let out a deep chuckle as well as Price.

Soap had turned around and saw Andre approaching.The male was talking to M/n and even pat his shoulder.Price tilted his head when the male began doing weird hand movements.Their eyes widened as they saw M/n’s cheeks rise with a smile adorning his features.The h/c haired male began laughing hysterically and the groups eyes softened.His laugh was so angelic,it was like music to their ears.When the male finally calmed down Andre walked passed him and bid his goodbyes before going to his room.Alejandro was about to speak but was cut of by Soaps yelling.

“Were you just laughing?!”Soap yelled out as he ran towards the h/c haired man who looked startled.

“Uh yeah I did,it’s not like im incapable of laughing mate.”M/n said chuckling as Soap looked amazed.

“What does he do to make you laugh.”Gaz asked curiously and M/n responded shortly.

“He’s just funny.”

“WHATS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN”

#lgbtq #male reader #cod x male reader #mw2 x male reader #male y/n #gaz x male reader #soap x male reader #captain price x male reader #ghost x male reader #gay #alejandro x male reader

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fruityhoon · 1 year

Text

eat with me

soft yandere!hee x gn!reader

warnings/note: mentions of food, eating, hee’s a sweet boi here, fluff, slightly paranoid hee, NOT proofread (i wrote all of this half asleep so bare w me)

————

it was way past midnight and you couldn’t sleep, all you had was some leftover sandwich from the fridge for dinner so what better way was there than to eat?

only one problem..

you had to sneak past heeseung in order to be able to do that.

sure he was sweet and would do anything for you, but heeseung wasn’t the type to let his guard down and let you out of his sight especially past midnight, he’d always make sure you fell asleep first before he could catch some sleep. and if you were hungry, he’d make something light for you so your stomach wouldn’t be rumbling all night.

but tonight was a little different, he came back home exhausted, immediately taking a shower and laid next to you resulting in him falling asleep before you which was something he never did

and right now you took the opportunity and slowly climbed out of bed while making sure heeseung doesn’t feel your absence next to him

you went downstairs and headed into the kitchen, taking a look inside the fridge you noticed there wasn’t really anything for you to eat which lead you looking through the cabinets and voila!

instant noodles.

heeseung never really lets you get your hands on them as he quote on quote said, “it’s unhealthy and you should be eating proper meals instead”

‘why does he have a lot of them in the cabinet here then?’ you thought to yourself

taking 2 packs of the noodles, you dont know how but you managed to not make much noise and made yourself a nice bowl of shin ramyeon

———

he lazily opened his eyes, trying to find your warmth to then which he realised you werent there next to him.

immediately sitting up, heeseung grabbed his phone on the nightstand and opened an app to see if there were any notifications of the doors or windows being opened or even unlocked but there werent any

‘fuck fuck fuck where are they?’

the man got out of bed despite his hair being all over the place, wondering where you were while trying to keep himself calm

he was being paranoid, thinking you snuck out and ran away, cursing at himself for letting his guard down this one time until he heard faint noises coming from the kitchen

he walked over slowly and a sigh of relief came from him as he saw you in the kitchen about to eat your noodles

———

you were about to engulf your food when a pair of arms hugged you from the back, you flinched and let out a small yelp, almost knocking over your food

pulling away and turning around, you were met with a pair of bambi eyes looking straight at you before he hugged you again , resting his face in the crook of your neck

“dont do that to me again, you scared me” he lowly whispered in your ear as he hugged you even tighter, you could hear the fear in his voice

feeling bad you slowly pulled away and caressed his head and looked at your food

“im sorry.. i was really hungry but you looked really tired and exhausted before you slept so i didnt wanna wake you up” you looked down at your foot, feeling guilty that you made him feel scared

“i dont care how tired i look if you need anything just tell me okay? i’ll always be there no matter how exhausted i am and i need you to know that” you nodded as he cupped both of your cheeks before leaving a small peck on your forehead

“c’mere” you pulled him to the seat next you as you quickly got up to grab something, leaving the man confused

you came back to your seat as you handed him a pair of utensils and placed a glass of water on the table

“eat with me” you nudged the bowl slightly to his side, the man raising an eyebrow as a response

“you didnt eat anything today hee, its not like i can finish this anways, share with me okay?” you said as you gave him a soft smile

“baby its o-“

“if you dont share with me i’ll be really upset” you cut him off as you emphasised on the ‘really’, knowing he’d give in to you since you knew the last thing he wants is for you to be upset with him

and you were right. he spent too long waiting for you, now that he finally had you with him he wanted to treat you well and give you all he had. he was always listening to you, complying to your needs while always being cautious of course

but you didnt mind, although he was really overprotective he still made you feel loved and you felt safe with him and thats all that matters to you

“okay okay we’ll share” he let out a small giggle as he ruffled your hair and the both of you shared the bowl of ramen which was probably already soggy at this point

———

“your not mad.. right?” you spoke out as the both of you finished the food

“baby of course not, what makes you think that?” he looked at you as he frowned

“i don’t know i just thought you’d be mad” you got up and took the dishes to go wash them but he stopped you

“im not mad y/n, i just got a little scared that’s all” he took the dishes from your hands and walked over to the sink

you hugged him from behind as you mumbled out a quiet ‘sorry’ , resting ur cheeks on his back

“it’s okay, you wanna cuddle on the couch?” he dried his hands and turned to look at you to which you nodded

the both of you sat on the couch cuddling, your head on his chest and him leaning on your head, one of his hand gently caressing your back

cuddling sessions on the couch were always nice and it wasn’t until a few weeks ago the both of you started doing it

“please don’t leave me y/n, i don’t know what i’d do without you” he softly whispered out of nowhere, but you know it was just him overthinking

“i’ll be here, always” you responded as he smiled and started humming lullabies, something he’d do to make you sleepy

you fiddled with his other hand, slowly falling asleep to the melody you were hearing

and soon enough you fell asleep, heeseung noticed and kissed your forehead, dozing off not long after.

——————————————————————————

author’s note: im not really the type to write fluff but i just wrote down whatever came to mind honestly, let me know what yall think :D

#yandere enhypen #yandere kpop #enhypen #lee heeseung #heeseung #heeseung fic #yandere enha #enhypen fluff #heeseung fluff

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seosracha · 1 year

Text

CUPID'S ARROW! lee heeseung x f!reader

SYNOPSIS-> you and heeseung, the schools hot topic and archer, have always despised one another. ruining each other's presentations, tripping each other in the hallways- you name it. so when the boy stops tormenting you due to his new girlfriend, you realize maybe you wanted him more than you thought you did.

PAIRING-> lee heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE-> enemies to lovers, highschool au, fluff, a little bit of angst maybe?!:!:??' oneshot

WORDCOUNT-> 9k ! (hello ?)

AUTHORS NOTE-> in honor of my favorite libra i decided to comeback🤗 if this flops im leaving again Okiiiii Purr👌 this took me 5 years By The Way. I dont even remember if i had a perm taglist Hel! Update i found itReblogs are greatly appreciated let your favourite enha tumblr senior pop off

PERM TAGLIST-> @bubblytaetae @qghosty @viagumi @artstaeh @bigtoewinwin @strwberrydinosaur @enhacolor @rendezrei @shinsou-rii @notrosemary

The school's atmosphere was always bustling, you and your small friend group never felt like outsiders in these rusty walls. Graduation was right around the corner and as much as it should have been a good thing, you felt as if a huge part of your life will be taken away from you. Instead you'll receive a piece of paper for the countless sleepless nights and mental breakdowns. You wondered where all the time between freshman year and the last months of senior year had gone.

Niki. He was with you since birth, or at least you liked to believe that. It was the perfect cliche, next door neighbor and family best friend born on the same day. You always called him a walking red flag for the numerous times he'd do something against the norms. It was small things like pouring his milk first or more concerning instincts where he’d tie his shoes before actually getting into them. He’d defend himself with the barrier of time saving, but you doubted it was even true. But aside the weird things he’d do, the true him was a sunny and caring person. He liked the feeling that making people happy gave him. He put the people closest to him before himself. In Conclusion, he had a heart of gold but a brain full of air.

Jungwon. It has always been hard for you to give a coherent depiction of his personality. Every first of the month he became a new person. In September he made ‘deez nuts’ jokes but as soon as october came they were old and cringe. His confusing being made Jungwon an interesting and alluring person. Although he changed his identity every month or so, his heart and kind nature never changed. He was your personal 911, under the phone for every small inconvenience or big downfall. You loved every part of him and would never trade the clumsy boy for anyone else.

Yunjin. She was outgoing and so talkative it was almost impossible not to fall asleep during one of her storytimes. In freshman year you told her to befriend the school's most envied girl, Miyoung. The moment you almost lost her to the shit person Miyoung was, you realized how much your friendship really meant to you. Yunjin was stubborn so it took you a lot of courage to confront her about the problem. She also pulled the swim team's captain, Jake . Most people envied her for the bond she shared with him, some wondered how these two people even got together in the first place. It was true. Yunjin was nothing like Jake, but maybe her true self was the reason she fit so well into the mold he gave her.

You all assumed the entirety of your small town was or is in this school. The people were welcoming and talked until their tongues went dry. You all internally agreed on making the most out of the time spent in school before going on with the miserable life this town was offering.

The only exception was Lee Heeseung.

He tried to make your life miserable even before graduating. One dirty look could make you shut off for the entirety of the next period on your time table. And if that wasn’t enough he’d try to ruin everything good you had left of that day. Sometimes he’d leave you alone, just to make you believe it was all over. Those days always felt like the rain before the storm. He was nothing but a full of himself asshole who rode off of academic success and school popularity. Girls admired him for his archery achievements and tall, sporty figure.

It was hard to tell exactly where it had all started, the competitiveness and hatred he shared towards you. How did sitting together at lunch, or attending his competitions turn into something so disastrous and sad.

Perhaps it was the track you both took up, and had to compete against each other in. Or maybe your final results that topped his. On the other hand it could've been the brief relationship between you and his best friend, Park Sunghoon. But you’d rather believe it's just pure jealousy. You were always better than him in everything except that pointless arrow shooting he cherished so much. No one performed as well as him in archery so maybe that was the reason he liked to rub it in your face every chance he got.

You got to know him from both sides, and sometimes you’d deny the fact you missed him before he got brainwashed by the meaningless highschool fame.

“It’s eight, right?” Heeseung asked, pen pointing towards the answer in the middle of all his scribbles.

His glasses were constantly sliding off his nose, as he used all the brain power left after the tiring school day to solve his algebra homework. The numbers started to look all the same, and he wondered if x was a number or the problem he had to solve.

“I got 4” you said and he sighed.

His head hung low as he scribbled over the answer once again. Heeseung’s eyes traced over the equation, looking for the moment he made a mistake. He looked disappointed, and you felt bad for being the smarter one at that moment. It’s not like you corrected him to boost your own ego.

“How do you do it? Why do you always get the right answer?”he asked quietly, embarrassed with himself.

You had wondered yourself. Why did you always have the right answer to everything and algebra equations? It came to you naturally, and you never thought of it as something others didn’t possess.

“Show me your paper, Heeseung, '' you asked politely. His wrought hand slid the paper towards you, avoiding any eye contact. “2608 divided by 652 isn’t 8”you pointed to the set of numbers.

He said nothing, just wrote down his final answer on the spot under the question on his work sheet.

A beat of silence came in the library, and you just noticed how quiet it has gotten. Usually the small whispers of other students caught your ear, but now it felt as if you two were the only ones in this modest room. Your eyes trace the study desks and contrary to your belief, all of them were packed with groups of students studying. Some were deeply focused on their literature assignments or chemistry homework, others rather spoil the learning process for the rest.

“I think I’ll just give up. This is pointless” Heeseung murmured, packing his things back into the emptiness of his backpack.

“If you give up now, later it’ll be even harder for you. We’re only in freshman year” you said, grabbing onto his hand.

It was cold, and you felt the feeling of failure radiate off of him.

“Heeseung, I believe in you, I promise. Let’s just finish this and I’ll reward you with some dinner after this. How does that sound?”you sounded like a mom, but he didn’t seem to care.

A smile briefly decorated his face, as he brought the black backpack back up to his chest to pull out the worksheet once again. He grabbed a pen from your pencil case without asking, and continued to focus on the next question.

“I think that sounds nice,” he answered in a moment of comforting silence.

The thought of that day brought you back to the memory of the Heeseung you learned to like.

///

“Oh c'mon I have no money!” Jungwon said cuddling up to Niki.

Niki’s lunch plate was full of delicious food and the most random items the school's cafeteria offered. He looked at Jungwon and just slapped his hand away, pushing a handful of chips into his mouth. To show off probably. Jungwon sighed and moved onto his next target.

“What about you Y/nnie? I’m so hungry, can you hear my stomach rumbling?” he questioned giving you puppy eyes. You just scoffed and slid your extra sandwich towards him.

He squealed in excitement, and took the smallest bite, savoring the treasure in his hands. Niki just shook his head, and kept on eating what his plate gave him.

“I thought we agreed on sabotaging Jungwon every lunch?”he commented, and Jungwon glared at him confused.

“What do you mean by that?”he asked, concerned for himself, and his empty wallet that accompanied him to every lunch period.

“Where is Yunjin?” Niki asked, dogging the older boy's question.

Jungwon just sighed and finished whatever he had left of the sandwich in his hands.

“With Jake, I’m not sure,” you replied.

“They're probably making out under the bleachers again. I mean it’s summer time” Jungwon said, wiping his fingers on the soft material of his pants.

Every summer time, Jake and Yunjin would be caught under the bleachers of the football field. They’d usually get detention, and continue it there. All of you saw it as their little tradition, as disgusting as it was. The bleachers reeked of the most disgusting smell, probably not being thoroughly washed since they were built.

Jake seemed like the typical player type, full of himself, and way too proud of his athletic achievements, but he was the complete opposite. He liked to hide away in the depths of the school, never interrupted class with the stupid jokes boys his kind made, and loved small gestures people directed towards him. Jake liked Yunjins company because she brought out the best in him. She brought him to heights he's never seen, and that is not in a sexual context only. People didn’t envy her for being with Jake, but rather for being the missing piece in his puzzle.

“We should go to the football game next week!” Jungwon asserted excitedly at the thought of Yunjins and Jake's tradition.

“Isn't that something straight people like doing?” Niki snorted.

He didn’t see anything special in seeing the boys of this highschool compete against some other highschool nearby. He had a point though, our school is going to lose either way.

“I thought you and Sunoo were friends?” you said, remembering Kim Sunoo was a famous quarterback. He was tall, really attractive and actually looked decent on the field with all that gear.

Even you found yourself crushing on him in the beginning of sophomore year. He had a charming aura that you wanted to get to know better. It obviously didn’t work after he indirectly rejected you. Looking back at it now, you aren't sure what went through your mind.

“Well my friendship with him doesn’t mean I care enough to watch him throw a ball around” Niki shrugged.

It was hot and dry, the sun peeked through the large windows. It hit your back, warming you in a not so comfortable way.

“I could really get a cold water right now” you sighed and looked over to Niki who despite having an overflowing plate, didn’t possess any drink at all.

You regretted voicing your inner thoughts as the chair behind you jerked. It was like you could predict the future when Heeseung’s tall figure covered the boiling sun that spread through your back.

“You want something to drink, Y/nnie?” Heeseung said and you could feel his eyes burning a hole on the back of your head.

His arms extended to grab the Sprite off his table. Sunghoons hand stopped him.

“Leave her alone dude” he said calmly.

Jay and Sunghoon have grown tired of Heeseung’s childish antics. They knew he had absolutely no reason to keep on making you miserable. They’ve called him out on it countless times, but he doesn’t seem to care at all.

“And what if I don’t? You’re not her boyfriend anymore”he whispered and groped the drink in his hand.

He turned back to you smiling, your body was already facing his, a look on your face he knew well. It was you signalizing you knew what was coming. It’s not like he hasn’t pulled this ‘prank’ at least forty times this year.

“Back to you. What about a Sprite, hm?”he said with a sly smile.

“Can you just leave me alone, seriously?” you said, unfazed by his dominant act “You already spilled coffee on me last week, Heeseung”you added and he chuckled.

“Yeah I did, and it was fucking awesome” he said twirling the can in his hand.

You felt the fizzling liquid quickly move on from your freshly washed hair to your forehead and along the length of your shoulders. You felt sticky, and disgusting. Heeseung laughed, probably being the only one who found the incident funny.

The chair jerked once again, and Sunghoon stood up pushing Heeseung away from you. He took the tissues from the pocket in his jacket and handed them to you.

“You don’t have to help me, you know?” you said avoiding eye contact. Sunghoon shrugged.

“This is the least I can do to make up for having an annoying and childish friend”he mutters, but the admission alone was enough to calm your heart.

Your warm hand trembles slightly as you grab the tissues from him. You wiped whatever you could off your face, and put the wet hair into a messy ponytail. Words leap at the tip of your tongue as you hold back everything in you to keep yourself from wrestling Heeseung to the floor.

“I think we need to talk, Heeseung” you say and he calms his laughter down.

“For what? No need to waste anymore time on you today” he laughs and gives you that dumb face you hate.

You exhale yet another breath of annoyance “I don’t think you have anything better to do, if this is the peak of your day”

“I do, right Sunghoon?” he asks, hoping to get the answer he wanted but Sunghoon stays quiet, observing the scene before him. “Why do you still act the way you did when you two dated? Seriously, it’s so annoying” he huffed.

“Cause you’re being an asshole, Heeseung” Jay interjected, still seated by the trios usual table.

“And you’re being stuck up. What's wrong in having a little fun?” he sighed.

“You’re the only one having fun, Heeseung” you said, and he stared into your eyes.

He wasn’t fazed by your words or anyones in fact. He wanted the high ground in life so going under the influence of peoples opinion wasn’t even an option for him.

“I have to put myself first” he giggled, and you rolled your eyes at his stupid comment.

He was standing inches away from you, and you could swear the heat was radiating off of him. He smelled of Japanese cherry blossoms. You found that strange, expecting a man like him to wear the strongest cologne out there.

The truth was, Heeseung always went for a softer look. He had the whole package from the hair to the shoes. Maybe it was one of his tactics to stand out and showcase his individuality as best as he could.

“Can you just let this go? The whole act you have going on. It’s become old”you say, your voice monotone. He looks around the cafeteria.

“I don’t see anyone better to make fun of” he states, and grabs your hand “Consider that as a compliment” he adds, and smiles brightly.

No matter how much time has passed from the day you met to this moment, his sweet and charming smile never changed. It was made to mesmerize others, and sometimes you couldn't help but get excited.

Your hand jerks away from his “Fuck, just cut it out, please. Just let me have some fun with my friends before graduation” you plead.

Heeseung has never seen you actually beg him to stop. As much as an asshole he was, maybe you were right. He didn’t think about graduation until now.

Heeseung was scared to graduate and leave his school career behind. He knew whatever accomplishments he had in archery would give him nothing in return in college. He knew the adoration of younger girls wouldn't transcript to college. And he knew his friends wouldn't waddle after him. He knew he’d be alone again.

He stayed quiet. The only thing consoling the immediate silence in the small circle you made, was the chatter of other students placed around the cafeteria. Heeseung’s heart courses unsteady blood through the canyons of his uneasy stomach as he exhales a rocky breath.

“Whatever” he murmurs into the sunshine, leaving you and his friends behind as he walks out of the large lunch hall.

///

The school days became more steady and quiet. No clouds in the sky, and no interruptions during lunch. No dumb comments when you spoke in class, and certainly no cocky notes in your locker.

You didn’t see Sunghoon’s and Jay’s smiley faces waving at you anymore as you sat down at your usual lunch table with Niki, Jungwon and Yunjin, since they didn’t sit behind you anymore. At first you wondered why, but you just assumed it was a blessing from the god above. Not that you hated Sunghoon or Jay, you could never, it was more about the boy you despised.

Sunghoon and you used to date, and you knew he couldn’t get enough of the comments Heeseung made about it on a daily basis. He started using it as an insult, and scolding him everytime he tried to help you after one of Heeseung’s foolish pranks. The reality of your relationship was pretty sad. Cause not only is Heeseung using it as a taunt towards your now ex boyfriend, but he was the authentic reason for your breakup. He felt as if you stole his best-friend from him, so he made your lover choose between you or him. The choice is probably obvious by now. I mean he had no certainty this love would last.

“It’s been pretty quiet without Heeseung coming around, hm?” Yunjin whispered, doodling hearts around her English worksheet. A smile perks up on her lips as she writes Jake's name in one of them.

“Well, finally”you reply shortly, focusing on the question before you. You twirl the pen between your fingers, as Yunjin chuckles softly.

“Weren’t you used to it by now? I mean isn’t it weird to not have him spill drinks on you anymore?” she nagged you once again, knocking you out of your trance.

“Who wouldn't be used to it? But I definitely do not miss having wet hair and clothes for the rest of the day”you smile, and write down one of the answers.

Of course you felt like something was missing, but you’d never actually admit it. You knew something was missing, but coming to the full realization of what that was, belittled you.

“Didn’t you ever like Heeseung? Like at some point you had to like him. Especially when you two were practically besties!”she exclaimed, and you had to hit her, afraid Jay might hear.

Jay sat next to Yeonjun, head in hands. You snook secretive glances at the boy, and he seemed just as confused as you were. He kept asking his deskmate for answers but from what it looked like, he didn't have them either.

“I don’t know, Yunjin. Maybe, but it surely wasn’t anything big. You know, Heeseung used to be pretty fucking cool back then”you smiled, your mind rushing back to the memory of freshman Heeseung.

“Niki was so jealous of him, I’ll never forget that” Yunjin giggled, and grabbed your pink highlighter to color in her heart dedicated to Jake.

She smiled as the heart filled with a bright pink color, fading her boyfriend's name a bit, but she made sure to correct it right after.

“Don’t you ever hang out with Heeseung? Especially since you spend so much time with Jake?” you asked curiously.

She chuckled and shook her head.

“We never hang out with a third person. We’d probably make them really uncomfortable,“ she answers, and you laugh along with her.

“Back to you, Jake told me Heeseung doesn’t even talk about you anymore. Can you believe that?” she huffed, as if it should have offended you.

You shrugged. The less embarrassing things Jake, Sunghoon or Jay knew about you, the better. But you wondered why he’d talk about you in the first place.

“He’s also been really secretive lately. They were supposed to go play some games at Jay’s, but he bailed out. Jake said he never does that '' she exclaimed dramatically.

“I really don’t care, Yunjin. Maybe he finally realized what a shit person he truly is” you explain, and she just laughs.

“I hope so too” she whispered a short response “Are you still coming to the game? I finally convinced Niki to come ‘see his friend throw a ball around’ ”she made air quotes, and you chuckled.

“Yeah, me and Jungwon wanted to go from the start anyways” you say, and she squeals excitedly.

///

“Can we sit here?” Sunghoon’s voice caught your attention, as he stood alongside Jay and Jake.

Yunjins face lit up at the boy standing in front of her “Yes!” she squealed, and clung onto Jake’s side “You never sit with me at lunch, baby” she murmured into his chest, and he giggled.

“She’s right, you guys never sit here. What happened to mood killer Heeseung?” Jungwon asked, and they shrugged, just as curious as him.

You looked around the cafeteria, but in fact a six foot, blue haired man was nowhere to be seen. You always wondered why he chose a hair color that could potentially make him look like an idiot amongst the towns people, but you couldn't lie and say it didn't fit him.

“He’s not here, and he’s not answering our calls, I think he’s skipping,” Sunghoon said tiredly.

“I heard he’s been ditching you guys quite often lately” Niki asserted sarcastically , picking at his lunch uninterested.

His parents cut off his money after he failed his math exam, so he no longer had the option to buy out the whole buffet. He was stuck with the disgusting, soggy food the school offered for free.

“Yeah, he has. I don’t want to offend anyone, but after the lunch incident it’s like something has changed in him,”Jay said, being a witness of the scene.

“Why would I be offended by all people, the more freedom, the better” you said, and Jay silently agreed with you.

Getting rid of the fear's tight grip, really washed a lot of other things off of you. It made you so much more comfortable and especially much cleaner, literally and practically. But his sudden ignorance and complete change in demeanor wasn’t all pluses, but maybe it was too early for you to realize that.

“Seriously I should've studied for that exam” Niki muttered, pushing his plate of soggy pasta away. He reached for his backpack but found nothing edible inside.

“What’s wrong with him? That pasta used to be the highlight of my day in freshman year” Jay hummed.

“There is something seriously wrong with you, man”Niki responded “That pasta tastes like battery acid, and maybe like the crumbs on my bed on a good day”

“You eat the crumbs you find in your bed?” Sunghoon asks, disgusted.

Another red flag Niki carried around with him.

“Yeah, you don’t? I thought everyone eats the crumbs in their bed” he said, and nobody agreed.

“First of all, I wash my bedsheets and don’t eat in my bed” Sunghoon said, and Niki scoffed.

“You’re seriously mentally ill, all of you actually. Bedsheets are supposed to be changed every two months or maybe every month if I feel generous”he educates them.

“Me and Y/n once slept over at your house, and I woke up with crumbs in my ass” Jungwon said, and Niki rolled his eyes.

“Could have slept on the floor then”Niki asserted, and sneaked one of Yunjins fries into his mouth. She was way too occupied with Jake to even notice or have any awareness of the people around her “Okay I think we should stop talking about my crumbs now, please”

“Trust me, no one wants to know about your disgusting ass habits,” Jungwon sniggered.

Somehow you found yourself looking around the hall for that one familiar face, yet as good as your vision was, you couldn’t spot him anywhere. Why did you want to see him so bad?

“What about you, Y/n?” Jay asked, and you had no idea what the initial conversation was even about.

Jay had changed the subject, moving on from Niki a long time ago, but your mind was focused on something, or rather someone else.

“What?”

“I asked what you plan on doing after graduation” he smiled, and you pushed your focus back onto the group around you.

“I don’t know yet. I do want to go to college, a lot actually, but what for, I’m still trying to figure that out” you said quickly. Jay nodded understandingly.

“What about a boyfriend?” he smirked and nugged Sunghoon. He just rolled his eyes and moved away from the boy.

“I don't think I need one at the moment”you answered with a smile.

It went quiet as Jungwon's face changed drastically. He saw something others couldn't make out just yet.

“Speaking of boyfriends and girlfriends,, is that fucking Miyoung?”Jungwon exclaimed, and the mention of her name made Yunjin jump away from Jake’s arms.

“What are you talking about?”she said, her body trembling. Her heart began racing as Jungwon pointed to the entry door.

You didn’t want to look, suspecting the outcome.

“So that's where he went,”Sunghoon laughed, and before he could call them over, Niki stopped him. Sunghoon quickly realized, and gave up on that idea.

“No way he actually started dating Miyoung, isn’t she like a total bitch” Jay said, directing his words towards Yunjin.

“She is the most awful person I’ve ever met,” Yunjin said, her gaze still glued to the couple.

“Well that explains why Heeseung’s dating her now,” Jungwon chuckled.

There was the confirmation you didn’t necessarily want.

Heeseung and Miyoung are dating now.

“So that’s why he doesn’t bother you anymore! He doesn't want to make his girlfriend jealous” Jay exclaimed, you just laughed quietly, and tried to completely cut out your friend's words with the company of your own phone.

“This has got to be a serious one if he gave up on teasing Y/n” Sunghoon said.

As much as it made you happy he left you alone, the reason behind it did not fire up that same emotion in you. But you could not stop life from moving onwards, and if this is what makes him satisfied then so be it, right?

“Why did you stop being friends with her anyways, Yunjin?”

…

“I can’t, me and Miyoung are going to the movies” Yunjin said excitedly, but you couldn't quite return her feeling.

Once again, you were being ditched for Miyoung, and it felt pretty fucking shit. It felt as if Yunjin was drifting away from you for some new girl she barely knew. But you couldn’t stop her, she was your best friend and her happiness was your priority.

So when Yunjin and Miyoung were enjoying the movies you and she loved, Heeseung was by your side. He listened, and helped you cope with the pain of being replaced. You remember him holding your hand so tightly, telling you how much you mean to many people, and to never doubt Yunjins platonic love for you. It was a new thing for you and him. You were usually at each other's side when exams came, and when he competed for the gold medal, but never when a crisis striked.

You wondered why he did it. Did he just feel bad for you and didn’t want to make you more miserable when you came to him?

Miyoung was your complete opposite, she was more like Yunjin. That’s why they connected so fast. You envied their friendship despite the fact you were still considered Yunjins best friend.

When Heeseung heard all about Miyoung, he couldn't hold back the shit he had to say about her. Every bad thing he recognized within her, from him, sounded fifty times worse. It was his way of helping you realize Yunjin will grasp that soon enough too.

And he was right. Miyoung had nothing but bad intentions towards Yunjin.

…

Maybe seeing him all over Miyoung hurt ten times more because he was there for you when no one else was. He was there when his now girlfriend wanted to tear your friendship apart.

///

“You’ve been acting really off recently” Jay commented, while you two accompanied each other on the walk back home.

Jay lived in the same apartment complex as you, but you never cared enough to notice him. Usually it was only you and Niki ignoring the rest of your neighbors.

“I think it’s just your imagination, Jay '' you laughed, and took another bite out of Jay's candy bar.

He made a sad and offended face when half of his chocolate bar was gone.

“No seriously, even Jungwon noticed, and I trust him”he said.

“You and Jungwon really hit it off, hm?”you asked, trying to bring the spotlight off of you.

You guessed it worked when Jay's face lit up “Yeah, we did! He actually seems to like spending time with me”

“We all love spending time with you and everyone else, Jay” you smiled brightly, and he laughed.

It was true. Ever since Heeseung completely cut them off for his girlfriend's company, your friend group adopted them. Yunjin couldn't be more happy now that she got to spend every second of her day with Jake. And you felt happy cause they gave you the little unreal pieces of Heeseung you found yourself missing.

Seeing him with Miyoung, turned something upside down in you. It didn’t let you function properly and it felt like you've hit rock bottom. You couldn't help but wonder, why her? Although anybody else wouldn't make the growing feeling in your stomach any better. It was still a new thing to you, and you couldn't quite put into words what it was.

“Do you miss Heeseung? Or at least the person he used to be?”you asked, and Jay wasn’t expecting you to be the one to initiate a conversation about Heeseung.

“Well obviously. We still talk, but it isn't the same at all. I really want to go back to the day when it all went downhill, maybe I could've done something,”he answered with a fabricated confidence.

“Don’t blame yourself for something you can't control,” you said, holding his hand. It was a habit you picked up from the one and only Heeseung himself. “For the short time I knew Heeseung, he’s just like that. You never know what's coming until it's already done”

“Short time? You and him were constantly talking in freshman, I’m really shocked you didn't catch feelings for him back then”he laughed.

Feelings. Now you realize that maybe after all you did like Heeseung. It came to you after you found yourself reminiscing on the memories you shared. He used to mean a lot to you, and when he started changing his demeanor towards you, it wasn't easy to let go. You tried to fix it but you didn't have any tools. You just had to buy a replacement, but there weren't any others like him in stock. That’s why you started dating Sunghoon, because he was the closest you could've gotten to Heeseung.

“I don't think I catch feelings that easily,”you laughed.

Lie.

You lay in your bed helplessly, the sheets clinging onto your sweaty body. Your room elopes you in a constant darkness, and the wind blows softly through your open window. You can’t focus on anything, your heartbeat picking up at every sharp inhale.

Your mind was racing from one thing to another, but someone who stayed consistently flooding your brain was Heeseung. Because you have finally come to the realization this was never about Miyoung or the childish pranks, it was about him.

It was an untypical connection you longed to study.

///

“I know what's going on so you either say it yourself, or I’ll just be blunt about it right now” Niki said through the speaker of your phone as you kept on straining from the real purpose of the call.

You trusted Niki, but this is something bigger than the time you told him about Sunoo. Back then the only thing you two could do about it was laugh and make up fake scenarios with you as the main character.

“If we both know then why talk about it? It doesn't matter anyway” you murmured, fiddling with the settings of your fan.

“Because I want to help you, and if you don’t tell me the full thing I have nothing to stand on” he explained, and you sighed.

On one hand, you wanted to hear Nikis advice, but would that really help? Would any of this really help your already fucked up situation?

“I don’t even know where to start, Niki” you said and he let out a sound of understandment.

“Just tell me everything, don’t hold back. You can trust me with this” he told you after a brief moment of silence.

You stayed quiet, attempting to process everything through. The admission alone was hard enough, but spilling out the truth to one of your bestfriends was the real challenge.

“Niki, I’m not sure myself, if what I feel is real. I’m wondering if any of this is real” you started softly, and he kept quiet signalizing for you to continue. “I want to have him all for myself, and I know it’s selfish, but what can I do anyways”

“Do you seriously want this?” he asked.

“I don’t know Niki, I don’t know anything just yet” you responded.

“I think it’s okay to not have answers,” he assured.

There was nothing that could help your blossoming feelings for Heeseung. Even after he embarrassed you on multiple occasions you couldn't do anything but fall deeper in love with him. Maybe it’s because you still had the feeling his freshman self was still somewhere inside of him under the pile of shit he’s been consuming lately.

“Okay” you mutter. “Just be realistic with me” you ask of him, and he nods understandingly.

“I would never lie to you, Y/n” he whispers “Just follow your gut, okay? I know that may be hard, but if you actually want to try, do it. There's nothing to lose here anyways” he says.

You nod, unable to say anything. It’s weird, the feeling you're experiencing. It leaves you uneasy, the thought of your current situation. You’re unsure of anything going on.

“I want you to be nothing but happy, if it's with him, or anyone else, but sometimes things don't go the way we want them to because we don't trust ourselves” he adds, noticing you've been awfully quiet.

“I don’t want to embarrass myself again, Niki '' you mutter.

What were you thinking, seriously? Heeseung was the unreachable boy, only the prettiest girls of this school could have. Miyoung was one of them, drop dead gorgeous, skinny with porcelain skin. You didn’t see those features in yourself, but maybe it was just your insecurities getting the best of you.

“You can’t embarrass yourself if you don't even try. Even if you do, what's wrong with that? You know you have us, we’ll never make fun of you” he assured with a soft smile.

“Is it even worth it? I mean I don't have any assurance this would last if anything. What if we just went back to hating each other, and I’m left all alone again” you ask, and he shakes his head.

He gets closer to the camera, head in hands. “Just because of what happened with Sunghoon, doesn't mean you have to kill any hope you have of a relationship with others. That's not how it works” he tells you softly. “Just trust yourself, and the process, okay?”

///

You had a goal.

Win Heeseung back by graduation.

You always considered yourself to be a competitive person, not exactly in the right field, but competitiveness always lingered somewhere in your gut. And that’s exactly why you would do anything to feel his touch again.

It didn't take you long to realize you took his teasing for granted. Your mind was begging for him to leave you alone, but your heart perhaps liked the constant attention, and the fact he’d think about you more than anyone. It was stupid, but what could you do? It was hard not to miss the not-so sweet nicknames he’d give you. It was hard not to miss his dumb pranks and sweet laughter.

How were you going to reach your goal? You didn’t exactly know. You just decided to follow your gut, just as Niki said days before. Maybe you were reaching too far, but what's wrong in admiring the stars?

“Sunoo said the team has been actually working hard this month. I’m starting to gain hope in our schools first win” Niki said, clicking away at the Superstar SM on his phone “Fuck, I lost” he groaned.

“Only the best can do Kick It on hard mode” Jay shrugged, receiving a death stare from Niki, who loaded up the song again.

“I don’t think you should get your hopes up too high, Niki. Sunoo said that last time, and guess what?They lost” Sunghoon murmured, copying Jake's chemistry notes.

You silently agreed with Sunghoon. The only reason you all tagged along for the game was the free food your school was giving out on match day. It was probably their way of compensating for the awful game our football team was about to present to us.

“You’re seriously so bad at this, '' Jay laughed, and pulled out his own phone when he saw Niki lose once again.

“Don’t be a show off, I’m just having a bad day. Look, I literally have two stars on Cherry Bomb” he shoved the phone into Jays face.

“Stop being annoying, Niki” Jungwon commented, and the boy looked like he was about to kill him.

“It’s not my fault, he started it!” he said, offended.

“I just got an S level Doyoung!” Jay squealed.

“No way, you’re such a liar, '' Niki said, sliding over to Jay's side.

While the two boys were preoccupied with the beloved game, and Jake was busy keeping Yunjin her special company, Sunghoon and Jungwon were copying Jay's notes, you couldn't stop looking over at Heeseungs table. He seemed to find himself new friends amongst Miyoungs circle. He sat there laughing with Kwangsun and Taehyun, keeping his arm around Miyoung.

Kwangsun and Taehyun were Jakes teammates so you knew them very well. Not only were they the worst on the swimming team, they also had the worst personality. Talking to them was like talking to a wall, they lacked any sense of humor and interest in the world around them. You wondered how Heeseung was talking to them so comfortably. Probably because they weren't responding so it didn't even matter what he said.

“How are you feeling? Everything alright?” Sunghoon asked, keeping his eyes on the notebook. He didn’t look at what he was writing down, just blindly copied Jay's work.

“I’m okay? Why are you even asking?” you answer with a question.

He laughs, and drops the pen. Jungwon takes the opportunity, and slides the notebook closer to himself.

“You’ve been awfully quiet, you know?” he states softly.

“You shouldn't worry about me, Sunghoon. I see you have a lot more to copy, seriously do it before lunch ends” you say trying to change the subject.

Was Sunghoon suspecting something? Did he know something you didn’t? It was hard to tell, and that was making you even more stressed than you already were.

“I’m your friend, I worry about you, Y/n. But i respect it if you don’t want to talk about it now” he smiles and picks up his blue pen “Give that book back” he groans, and slides the book back over to the middle.

“This is unfair, I can barely see what's written there!” Jungwon fights, but the boy next to him just shrugs.

Were your friends catching on? Were you really that obvious?

“Life is still going on, three rainbow stars, beat that” Jay exclaimed, a cocky tone to his voice.

Life is still going on, right.

///

“I’ve been waiting for this for so long!” Niki exclaimed happily, as his eyes scanned the buffet in front of the football field's bleachers. He looked like he was ready to stuff his face any moment now.

“Don’t get too excited, we might not be able to pack you into my car after this” Jay said, taking a sip of his drink.

“Very funny, Jayshit. Let a man enjoy his food” Niki responded, grabbing the first pastry in sight. “Sunoo claimed some really good seats for us, by the way” he added bluntly.

“Maybe you really are useful sometimes, Niki,” Jake said, and got a middle finger in return.

“I remember last time we got some nosebleeds,” Jungwon said, helping Niki sneak half of the buffet into his backpack.

“This is why I am always useful,” Niki said, smiling at Jake.

“That makes no sense, if you were useful you’d get the good seats too last game” Jake asserted.

“Shut up, Jake. Don’t you have a girlfriend to take care of?” Niki rolled his eyes.

You chuckled at his child-like behavior, and grabbed Jay’s drink to take a sip yourself.

“What's up with you and always stealing my shit, get some yourself” Jay said, and jerked the drink away from you. You laugh, and smile at him.

You look around for any familiar faces, but it seems as if no one has arrived yet. That's what you get for being two hours early, just because Niki can't miss out on the strawberry donuts.

“Isn’t that Miyoung, and Heeseung? I thought he hated football” Jake chuckles.

They're here too? It can't get worse can it?

“Miyoung likes it. Her brother is on the team” Yunjin says, and Jake nods.

You drop your head to the ground, and start playing with the strings of your hoodie. Maybe if you don’t say anything you’ll sulking will go unnoticed.

“He hasn’t talked to us for a good two weeks. He really is down bad” Sunghoon comments.

“Do you think Miyoung forbade him from talking to us?” Jay asked, hoping for Yunjin to answer, since her brief friendship with the girl might allow her to know.

“She usually does when she doesn't like her partner's friends” Yunjin fulfilled Jay's wish.

“Why so? Especially since I have probably never talked to her” Sunghoon said, a confused look spread on his face.

“I wish I knew that one,” Yunjin said.

Seeing Heeseung with her was different for you this time. It's like something turned inside of you. Maybe it was because of the fact he loves her enough to sit through a game he hates with his whole soul and heart. You wonder if he’d do the same for you.

The scenery was beautiful. The sound of soft chatter and the summer breeze swayed through your features. The sun hid behind the clouds, the only source of light being the large lamps placed around the field. It was the perfect highschool cliche, but your mind was constantly at war with the bound feelings. It never left you alone. Before you fell asleep, while you ate breakfast, while you showered or brushed your teeth. He always flooded your brain.

“I think I’ll get in a quick bathroom stop before this mess starts” you smile, and get up from your seat next to Jungwon.

“You want me to go with you?” Yunjin asks, averting her gaze from Jake to you.

“Sorry, I don’t really feel like making you hear me pee, I’ll be back soon” you smile, and Yunjin just giggles, setting her head back on Jake’s soft shoulder.

You can’t look at her being happy with him anymore. It makes you want to throw up.

The gentle sound of the latest pop hits poured from the speakers mounted in every corner of the school building as you made your way to the restroom, feeling helpless. Various students hastily made their way to the field.

Yeah, sure, you did hate him. But one look at said enemy, all those words could be shoved out the window.

The air felt so heavy, as you sat on the sinks marble. No matter how hard you searched, there still was no answer. There was no escape and you’ve already lost any control of yourself. You were going insane each sleepless night thinking about him.

You looked into the mirror's reflection and didn’t recognize yourself anymore. Have you changed out of your own pure will, or was it because maybe you weren’t enough for Heeseung when he left. Was it the way you looked, acted or was it any of your other flaws? There’s no answer.

You completely lost track of time, but nobody seemed to be looking for you anyways.

A quiet sound echoed through the bathroom. You didn't even bother to look, expecting Yunjins voice to hit your ears anytime now.

“Do you know how much I hate you?” a so familiar voice reaches your ear.

It still hasn’t hit you. The same person you were bawling your eyes out over, was so close to your helpless figure, yet the calmness of your heart didn’t let the feeling sink in just yet. It was probably the years of Heeseung’s torment that made you believe he was here only to return to his old antics.

You can’t bear to look at him. It’ll just go full circle, and explode, really.

“No” you respond, still avoiding eye contact.

“Words can’t describe” he says, and you can feel him smile. “I go fucking insane whenever I think of you” he added breathily.

You shiver at the harshness in his voice. You didn’t remember it being so coarse.

“Don’t do this, Heeseung” your voice shakes.

“Look at me,” he whispers, and harshly lifts your chin up to make you eye to eye with him.

A long drawn-out sigh from the bottom of his chest leaves him. He slowly lowered his head, and immediately froze in position; making the closeness between you much more intimate. The air around you felt warmer as his eyes pierced through you, studying every detail of your face.

“I’ll show you just how much I hate you” he finally speaks,

Any thoughts you had before Heeseung stepped into the pity party you were hosting in the bathroom, flew right out as his lips smashed into your soft and delicate ones. Your heart heaves uneasily, as you give into the feeling of him against you.

The kiss is lustfull, full of anger he had stored up ever since you went separate ways. He didn’t hold back, his tongue relentlessly prying your mouth open until you gave into his action. The lack of oxygen pulled you apart, your mouth still open from the initial shock.

Yet his lips felt like a magnet; pulling you closer and closer, un-allowing any resistance. You couldn’t stop yourself, leaning over again, wanting to feel his soft lips once again. There really was no turning back.

“Could Sunghoon make you feel this good?” he asked breathlessly, as his lips planted softs kisses on your jawline.

“No” you breathe out, and he smiles.

“That’s what I thought” he smirked, caressing your warm cheek.

Even the mere thought of you and Sunghoon made him burn inside. He liked having you all to himself. Sharing was never an option.

It suddenly hit you.

“Heeseung, why are you doing this?” you asked, backing away from the boy, throwing his hands off your face, feeling a sudden disconnection between the two of you.

“You know how obsessed I am with you?” he whispered, maintaining eye contact. “You remember when you asked me to leave you alone, because you wanted to have just a little bit of fun before graduation?”

You nodded, not knowing exactly what this was about. Hearing all the sweet, yet concerning things that came out of his mouth, made you want to forgive him right there and then without any good explanation to the years of hell he gave you.

“It made me realize, you know, maybe I wanted you more than I thought I did” he finished and although he tried to maintain a dominant act, you could still see his sly smile peek through.

You couldn't give into him that fast.

“Oh so you decided to start dating Miyoung? Makes so much sense Lee Heeseung” you scoffed, trying to intimidate him at least a little bit.

It obviously didn’t work because Heeseung seemed to be unfazed by your words.

“Feelings get caught up in the mind” he said calmly “But loving you long makes it feel a little better”

Whatever he was trying to say didn’t matter, because really you didn’t care. You weren’t gonna lose the opportunity you’ve been manifesting ever since he left.

“Promise this is the last time you pull this type of shit?” you ask after a minute of silence.

Heeseung lets out an airy laugh and smiles. He lifts up his pinky finger, and intertwines it with yours.

“Promise”

Heeseung really wasn’t that tough after all.

///

Heeseung can’t exactly go back to the moment he started to fall in love with you. Maybe it was the day you helped him with his math homework, or maybe the time you cheered him on while he competed in the archery finals.

But he knows exactly when he realized it.

“You promise you won’t tell him, right?” you ask, smiling.

The two of you sat at the back of the library for your weekly study session. You’ve been giving him hints of a recent love interest, and as an unusually curious man he wanted to know more.

“Who's he, just tell me! And I know him, interesting” he laughs.

“It’s Sunghoon. Yes, your best friend Park Sunghoon” you announce and he feels his heart drop. He hoped you’d take him by surprise, and let the words, ‘You Heeseung, it’s you whom I like’ leave your lips. But it was Sunghoon.

Fucking Sunghoon.

Of course, he wouldn’t let this ruin his friendship with Sunghoon. He was sure his friend didn’t even like you back, and soon enough he could be helping you get up after the heartbreak.

But what he didn’t expect was for you two to actually start dating.

At first he held all his anger in, trying his best to avoid any contact with you. Soon it turned into ignorance, and he found himself completely overlooking you. He thought of it as the better way out. When it got to the point he couldn't look past anymore, he made Sunghoon choose, knowing what would be the result of it. Sunghoon chose him, but you submitted to the feeling of hatred.

///

Now, after all this time, Heeseung could watch you bicker with your friends over the tiniest things with his own eyes. He could finally sit down at your usual spot in the library and receive the most prized tutoring from you once again. He could watch you accept your diploma, and run back to him with the biggest smile on your face.

Expressing love for you was different. Years of uncountable pranks, and hateful messages were all just the sweet feeling in disguise.

2K notes · View notes

heesdreamer · 1 year

Text

let you break my heart again

PAIRING ➩ jake x reader

SUMMARY ➩ attending the same college as your childhood friend ( and longtime crush ) jake sim, you weren’t prepared for the complete change in his personality.

GENRE ➩ playboy au! jake. based off the lyrics of the ‘let you break my heart again’ by laufey. romance ( slight angst )

WARNINGS ➩ suggestive content at times

WC ➩ 9.08k

feeling kind of sick tonight all ive had is coffee and leftover pie, it’s no wonder why

“I’m doing fine here mom…. no it’s great, I’ve made lots of friends. Of course I’m eating well mom, but I really don’t have time for this I’m super busy. No I love you too. Yes I will, talk soon bye.”

Hanging up the phone, you let it fall onto the floor beside you. You were sprawled out on your stiff couch, staring up at the chipping paint on the ceiling and letting your hand dangle off so your fingers were just barely brushing the carpeted floor.

It was starting to become exhausting to lie to your mom, at first it was merely an annoyance but now you genuinely felt like you were committing some sick act every time you spoke. Luckily for you, the longer you were away from home, she called less and less.

Moving away from your hometown always seemed big and scary to you and that’s why you longed for it so bad.

But here you were now and the excitement of an unpredictable independent city life was dimmed down and you were just left with a low amount of funds, and possibly a stress induced head cold.

oh, still you take up all my mind

Your phone buzzing lowly against the carpet caused your head to turn dramatically, leaning over with a groan and fumbling to grab it from off the floor in a haste.

Holding it up above your face, you squinted at the bright screen, and sighed when you realized it was just another spam email and not the message you’d been awaiting. Around this time yesterday you had drunkenly sent a message to Jake Sim, more on him later, and now you were sitting in misery waiting for his response.

Jake Sim was the only other person from your hometown that you knew who had made the move to the city. He actually was the original inspiration for your plans in the first place, being one year older and moving before you even finished high school.

At one point you’d have like to consider yourself friends, running in the same social circle and even hanging out one on one more than a couple of times. You weren’t exactly sure if he thought of you the same considering outside of your few close friends, he had lots of other connections and you completely lacked in that department.

i dont even think that you care like i do

Still, a true naive romantic at heart, you fell for him years ago and despite your knowledge that it can’t be more than a fleeting crush at most, you still felt the want to stay close to him even now.

When you first moved here and met with your dorm roommate, a small chirpy girl named Brit, she was kind and friendly and invited you out to a ‘start of the year’ party with a big warm smile.

“Y/N?” A voice coming from behind you caused you to freeze slightly at the recognition, never being able to miss his smooth low timber, before taking a deep breath and putting on a casual face as you turned around.

“Oh my god, Jake hi.” You were relieved that your voice came out surprised and natural, adorning an affectionate smile and resisting the urge to tug down your dress.

The dress in which his eyes were scaling down, an eyebrow cocked and then lowered when he met your gaze again and realized you were watching him check you out.

You were making your own quick assessments, his newly bleached hair looked darker than it did on his social medias, coasting closer to an ash honey color. You subconsciously raised a hand and pulled your hair in front of your shoulder.

“Why didn’t I know you went here?” He was taking a step closer to you and pulling you into a swift side hug, not moving away even after you both pulled apart. He was leaning against the wall and titling over you.

For a moment you almost frowned, almost told him that you had mentioned it a few times on both socials and in the slowly disappearing group chat of your high school friend group. Then you quickly remembered tonight was the first step in your attempt to stop being embarrassing.

So instead you slowly raised your shoulders in a relaxed shrug, turning so your back was against the wall he was leaning on and you weren’t facing him anymore. A smirk appeared on his face and for a moment you thought he might be seeing right through your act.

“Well, hit me up sometime then.” When he spoke this time it was a low murmur, leaning down to whisper it against your ear. You were positive he saw the shiver wrack through you and judging by the way he laughed and pushed off the wall, heading back into the crowd, you were right.

i should stop, heaven knows ive tried

You grabbed the couch pillow from beside you and pressed it tightly over your face, screaming into it and flailing your feet against the cushions. Their lack of foam and spring caused a low dull of pain to form in your legs but you ignored it.

You didn’t ever take Jake up on his offer, deciding that part of your new persona was definitely not going to include pining over boys who never looked your way. That didn’t mean you were giving up on your feelings, you just planned to have him come to you.

That lasted a total of five weeks and four glasses of wine before you were tipsy and sending him a message on Instagram that included four emojis and way too many exclamation points, inviting him to the party your roommate was throwing.

Said party was happening tomorrow and you felt weak and sweaty at both the thought of him not showing up and how awkward it would be if he did. A large part of you wanted to unsend the message but you imagined him seeing the notification that you did so and then questioning what you had said would be far worse than him seeing your invite and ignoring it.

“Girl is it that serious?” The sound of your roommates voice caused you to toss the pillow across the room and turn to see her judging face.

“Why did you let me do that.” You groaned out the words and turned on your side to face the couch. You felt the cushion dip as she sat next to where your head laid and let out a small sigh.

“What’s the worse that’ll happen?” Her voice was soft and you once again silently thanked the universe for giving you the nicest girl in the city as a roommate. “You said you’d been into him since like middle school.”

You didn’t say anything for a while and the guilt seeped in when you heard another small sigh fall from her lips.

“It’ll be fun regardless if he shows up, I promise.”

——

You were absolutely not having fun. It was almost impossible to considering you had spent the whole night anxiously keeping an eye out for Jake incase he decided to show up and ruin your life.

Giving up on trying to hold conversations, you started to swiftly make your way to the kitchen with the plan to duck behind the counters and wait for the night to end so you could crawl back onto your couch, which was currently housing multiple make out sessions, and resume last nights position.

“Are you avoiding me?” You had just turned the corner into the off limits room when you smacked into a strong frame, his voice immediately following and alerting you of who it was.

You backed away quickly and looked up at Jake, eyes trailing down to his black button up before stopping at his belt and looking to your right awkwardly. He let out a small chuckle and leaned forward to tap a finger against your head softly.

“Did you hear me?” He teased and you came to the realization that he was a lot different than he was back in your hometown, and unlike you, his cool show of confidence was genuine.

one day i will stop falling in love with you

You felt like a total idiot as you brought your attention back to him, looking up through your eyelashes to hold his gaze and you suddenly realized that you liked this newer cockier version of him too.

Being so used to his younger personality, his loud attention stealing laugh and big boxy smiles, you were hoping that the sight of his low lazy smirks would unnerve you. You wished his lack of usual dog like goofiness and awkward clumsy movements would wake you up out of your years of pining.

Yet watching him casually leaned against your wall and taking a slow sip from his cup, keeping eye contact with you over the brim, you considered the fact you might be more into him than you’d realized.

“I’m not avoiding you.” You finally replied, furrowing your eyebrows and crossing your arms in an attempt to show annoyance at the (totally true) accusation.

“I think you might be.” He let out a low hum, clearly enjoying teasing you and you felt your face flush when he leaned closer, similar to the way he peered over you the last time you’d seen him. “You know what else I think?”

You forced yourself to hold eye contact with him despite the close proximity and you raised an eyebrow in question. You felt the ghost of his breath on your face and you wondered what you would look like if somebody were to walk in right now.

“I think you look pretty.” He finished off his thought and you felt like your stomach flip upside down, your breath stuttering as you faltered backwards a few steps. Your felt the wall of the doors archway hit your shoulder blades and stopped.

Jake followed your movements, taking a few steps so he was just as close to you as he was previously.

Despite your obvious reaction to his effect on you, you still tried to show some dignity here before it was totally clear to him what a loser you were. You sucked in a deep breath and crossed your arms infront of you so he couldn’t come any closer.

“Who says I care what you think?” He smiled widened at your annoyed tone, clearly catching on to the fact that you were playing hard to get. His eyes dropped down to your chest where your arms were crossed and then back to your face.

You tried to control your breathing as you felt his hand smooth it’s way up your tensed arm, stopping at your face as he held your chin between his thumb and pointer finger. You watched him through your eyelashes as he titled your head up slightly and you, for a second, thought he let out a pleased scoff at the way you let him adjust you without complaint.

He was leaning in to talk again and you briefly noted that it wasn’t nearly loud enough for how close he was getting to your face, your eyes were darting around his features nervously as you waited for him to speak.

“Y/N.” The tension popped like it’d been stabbed with a knife, or rather by a poorly timed interruption by the name of Lee Heeseung. Jake didn’t back away from you, although his hand caressed your cheek before falling back towards your side, even when the other boys eyes widened at the sight of you pinned against the wall.

It didn’t surprise you when he leaned over your frame and gave Heeseung a handshake in greeting, considering he knew everybody, but what did slightly shock you was the annoyance on his face. Despite greeting his friend warmly, he didn’t seem at all happy to be interrupted.

His eyebrows were tensely pulled to the center of his forehead and he glanced at you with anger, eyes softening again when they met yours.

You, on the other hand, were extremely grateful for the excuse to get out of this room that was suffocating you with tension and confusion. You titled your head in Heeseung’s direction to ask why he had come to find you in the first place.

“Brit’s throwing up.” He winced as he said your roommates name, glancing back behind him towards the direction of the party. “Like kinda everywhere… I figured you’d want all of us out of here.”

You sighed softly and ignored the way Jake lowly groaned and took a few steps away from you, seemingly understanding the situation was too important for you to ignore. You offered him an apologetic smile and avoided his gaze.

“I’ll see you around?”

——

some day, someone will like me like i like you

It had taken just short of two hours to clear the apartment, and then almost double that to clean up the absolute destruction that was left behind by random classmates and passerbyers. Not to mention the almost extreme amount of vomit your roommate had managed to spew in multiple corners.

“I just want to be dead.” Said roommate was currently stealing your favorite position of sulking in misery on your couch. “And why does our couch fucking suck this bad.”

You let out a small laugh and she groaned at the noise, putting her hands over her eyes and mumbling about how embarrassing it must’ve been.

“I’m so sorry you had to clean it all by yourself.” She was mumbling and you smiled in her direction, doubtful she was looking at you or even able to see that far in her current state.

“I wasn’t by myself don’t worry.” She perked up at this, sitting up on the couch with another groan but looking far more alert. You shook your head and sighed out an explanation. “Heeseung stayed back to help. I felt bad that he did so I offered to get him coffee today”

“Oh my god.” She chirped loudly and threw her hands up in the air, hangover momentarily forgotten. You let her show a theatric amount of excitement, knowing she was desperate for you to have any sort of social life outside of stalking Jake on Instagram. “You have a date!”

“I absolutely do not have a date.” You shook your head again and left the kitchen, sitting cross legged next to her on the couch and looking at her intensely. “I’m serious Brit this isn’t a date, so don’t tell people I have a date.”

She pouted at you, and then even deeper when you rolled your eyes at her attempt to woo you with her cuteness.

“But it’s a big deal if it’s a date.” She tried to reason with you. “Besides even if it’s not a date maybe hearing you went on one will wake Jake up to the fact he’s missing out on all of this.”

You ignored the way she gestured down your body and seductively wiggled her eyebrows, remembering that you had forgotten to mention your intense stare down with Jake from last night. You decided it was best to not mention it so she wouldn’t feel guilty for getting sick even more than she already did.

Her idea of making Jake jealous was completely baseless and had no chance of working but for some reason you recalled the anger on his face when Heeseung interrupted you and your stomach turned with anticipation.

“Okay but you can only tell one person.”

——

until then, ill drink my coffee and eat my pie

It had been an hour and a half of sitting at the designated meeting spot Heeseung had texted you earlier that morning, and you were still alone minus the three empty coffee cups surrounding you.

You were trying to feign casualness so the waitress couldn’t tell you had been stood up on your date that wasn’t a date and that you were failing to prove that you weren’t a total loser still.

The chime of the door didn’t register to you, at this point you had stopped expecting him to show up and you were fully prepared to hide your face in class for the rest of your life and ban all contact with Lee Heeseung. Not even the sound of the seat next to you being pulled out caught your attention, only sinking lower in your stool at the bar.

A few moments of silence passed and you were just about to turn your head to the side, curious why the person sitting so close to you hadn’t made any move to order or seemingly breathe when they cleared their throat.

You hoped the way your eyes widened, mouth parting slightly in surprise, weren’t the reason for the proud smile on Jake’s face as he shifted in his seat next to you.

“Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing here?” You groaned and attempted to shrink in on yourself. Not only were you humiliated from being stood up, but now the last person you’d want to see you like this was here and smiling over at you.

“Here to save you from loneliness.” He was still smiling brightly, pointing at your emptied cup in a signal to the waitress for a refill. For a moment he resembled the younger Jake you were familiar with and your frown worsened. “Being ditched sucks.”

“How do you even know about that.” You grumbled, energy lost from the day. You gave a nod in thanks to the server who was filling up the mug you clutched tightly.

“Brit.” He shrugged and you groaned again at the realization your roommate had infact told more than one person about your meetup. “But you’re here alone so I pieced it together.”

pretend that we are more than friends

“Not technically alone I guess.” You reasoned and he smiled again as you spoke, seemingly happy that you were teasing back. You glanced at the waitress who was back behind the counter and she smiled when she met your gaze. Your face flushed, she must’ve figured your date had finally shown up.

“Well I don’t know about you but I feel like there’s better things we can do than sit in this coffee shop for another few hours.” He was standing from his stool as he spoke like he was positive you’d follow him and you hated that he was right.

——

“Do you even know where we are going?” You were looking out the window and watching hills fly by in a blur, eyebrows furrowed even though Jake couldn’t see you.

He chuckled softly and you turned your body a few degrees to glance at him as he drove, one hand on the steering wheel and the other shoved out the open window. His hair was going in different directions because the force of the wind and you noted his dark roots growing in.

You were curious if he planned to keep bleaching it or if he’d let it go dark again. If you were closer, more friends than whatever it was you were, you’d tell him you like it best black.

It was easier to picture the version of him you knew like that, you were so used to seeing his dark locks sleeping at random desk during free hours or rushing through the hallways so he wasn’t late for lunch. This new look and personality felt so unfamiliar.

“Just because I’m not telling you, doesn’t mean I don’t know.” He responded, sparing you a quick glance and raising an eyebrow when he caught you staring lost in thought. “Besides we are almost there, have some patience maybe.”

You slumped back in your seat, staring out the window again as you spotted a parking lot coming up in the distance. Your lips naturally formed a pout as you squinted and tried to make out where you were.

Jake pulled into the parking lot, gravel crunching under his tires as he pulled his hand back into the car and parked outside the lines. Only a few other cars were in this lot and you quickly realized where he had taken you.

“The beach?” It was starting to chill out now, the time of year where you much preferred sweaters and movie nights over days outside. You glanced over at him for confirmation and studied his expression.

For just a moment he looked nervous and slightly fearful, like he thought you wouldn’t be pleased or maybe you’d ask to just go home instead. Then it was replaced with a half smile and a shrug as he opened his door and hopped out of the car.

You took a few seconds to process his change of expression. You didn’t take this new Jake as somebody who cared what random girls they barely knew thought, maybe you were reading too far into a blank expression.

Before you could consider it further your door was thrown opened and you turned to see Jake waiting outside of it, holding it open for you and fully smiling now.

After a few minutes of silently walking down the sandy trail you couldn’t stand the silence. “How’d you find this place anyways?”

“You know Sunghoon?” You hummed softly in confirmation to his question. “He showed it to me when I first moved here. I guess I was complaining too much about missing home… missing…”

His sentence slowed to a stop and you glanced over at him, waiting for him to finish whatever thought he was having. He was already looking at you and he looked slightly pained before looking away and gesturing in front of you.

You turned your gaze away from him reluctantly and your features softened in awe at the view in front of you. Two sand hills were parted to reveal the result of your hike, a hidden beach with a light pink sunset off in the distance.

“It’s not as good as the ones back home but.” He didn’t finish his sentence again and this time you didn’t expect him to. Without thinking your hand was reaching down to tug on his sleeve, pulling him forwards and continuing your walk to the beach.

You let him go once the water was close enough that you could hear the waves, nearly drowning out your excited voice as the cold water splashed up and wrapped around your ankles. You heard Jake groan behind you and turned with a smile to see his jeans darkening with wetness.

The two of you played in the shallow water for a while, throwing splashes at each other and squealing everytime the bitter water touched your sun warmed skin.

Eventually the childish play tired you out and you were sat against a log a bit aways from the water, watching the sun set behind the ocean and covering your feet with the chilled sand.

A noise behind you caused you to turn your head, frowning deeply when you saw Jake kneeled in the sand with a camera in front of his face. The same noise went off again and you threw sand in his direction.

“Stop that.” You groaned and he laughed, dodging the attack and falling back onto his butt next to you by the log.

“Sorry sorry. I’ve just never seen you like this before.”

im just trying to understand what i am to you

“What do you mean?” You squinted your eyes in his direction but he wasn’t looking at you, keeping his gaze on the setting sun or down at his fingers that were pushing through the sand.

“You were always too cool to hang out with us at places like this.” He laughed softly but you felt a strange tension settled in his words like he was thinking of something specific.

Your stomach turned in confusion at what he was saying and you felt the need to question him, swallowing it when he made eye contact with you again and smiled softly. It didn’t meet his eyes and you titled your head slightly.

“I’d say it was the other way around.” You managed to say, trying to keep your tone light despite the meaning behind your words. In your version of events it was definitely Jake who had never been around in high school, always off with cooler older kids.

He’d always been more liked than the rest of your friend group but it escalated after his final prom when his presence pretty much became nonexistent up until he moved for college.

He was watching you and not saying anything and you were starting to curl in on yourself a bit self consciously. You reached up your arm to tug on your shirt sleeve and his eyes followed the movement.

“You’re cold?” He was asking but before he even finished the sentence he was sitting up off the log and pulling his sweater over his head, handing it in your direction as he fell back against the log. You stared at it as it dangled in his grip and he shook it a few times to get your attention.

You took it from him hesitantly, fingers brushing against his and he watched closely as you pulled it over your eyes and tugged your hair from the collar.

His eyes were seemingly tracing shapes on your frame as he looked at you, a strange expression on his face at the sight of you in his clothing.

“Why are you always staring like that?” You mumbled under your breath, shifting uncomfortably and he shrugged.

“You’re pretty.” He answered simply like it was the most obvious answer in the history of the world and your mouth parted in surprise. He’d said it before, but it sounded different when it wasn’t being whispered in a damp crowded room.

You felt your cheeks flush again but this time you didn’t attempt to hide your reaction. Despite the major differences, you needed to remind yourself that this was Jake, a boy you knew and cared about before you ever had this crush on him.

more than songs, we’ve exchanged. midnight calls, sunset views

He was still watching you, you could see him from the corner of your eye and you were half tempted to turn and meet his gaze. A few beats of silence, accompanied by the sound of the waves, and you succumbed to that temptation.

He didn’t falter when you looked over, only cocking his head slightly like he was expecting you to say something. However you didn’t and you just looked at him the way he was looking at you, in a heavy tensioned silence that made your stomach turn in dizzying circles.

Jake was always handsome, even before he had gotten older and his features were still soft and not yet matured, but he was particularly remarkable right now in the soft blue lighting of the nearly set sun.

“You should let your hair grow out.”

——

The days were passing by quickly now and fall break was swiftly approaching. You had no plans to go back home to your small town and neither did Brit. Currently she was packing hastily, not sparing you a glance as you laid on her bed and watched her fast pace.

“We leave in only two hours you know.” She was remarking and you shrugged softly, hiding a smile at her impatience. “I’m happy you’ve even agreed to this so I’m not going to nag you anymore than I need to but we are really short on time.”

She was referring to the fact she had somehow managed to convince you that going along to one final friend camping trip was what you should do with your break. Not only was it colder than you’d prefer, especially the night time, but others were also going and you weren’t big on social interaction.

Still you had agreed, and if part of the reason had been because Jake posted he was also going on his story than she didn’t need to know that.

After she had forced you to pack, and then ushered you out of the apartment with a swift shove and irritated eyebrows, you were eventually stuffed in the back seat of Sunghoon’s rented van. It was bigger than an average car but the more stops you arrived to the more you dreaded the drive.

As if things couldn’t get more stressful, right when you had thought you’d gotten away with an empty seat next to you he was pulling up to the final house. You watched as Jake closed his door behind him with an excited grin and waved at Sunghoon who was leaning out his open window.

You still didn’t stop staring even after he shoved his suitcase into the trunk and circled around the van, pulling open the slider door and scanning the vehicle for a spot to sit. His gaze first fell on the seat next to you and then scanned up to your face.

His smile faltered for just a second before it was replaced with another one, this one somehow both more genuine and two times as tense.

You hadn’t talked much since the other day at the beach due to the fact he hadn’t bothered texting you. You weren’t too caught up with the fact knowing you’d see eachother soon anyways but you were feeling a bit confused on the meaning of the hangout.

Your headphones stayed in as he walked with a ducked head to the back of the van, ignoring the glare Yang Jungwon was sending him when he accidentally stepped on his foot. You paused your music as he sat next to you but you didn’t take them off your head.

After he was seated, the van was officially full. Sunghoon and Brit were taking the roles of driver and passenger with Jungwon, Park Jay and a boy you hadn’t met before named Riki directly behind them. That left you and Jake in the back sat next to some of the bags that hadn’t fit in the trunk.

Another car was coming later in the day with some more friends of Brit and Sunghoon, the more social of the group.

Your phone vibrating in your grip stopped you in your mental roll call and you furrowed your brows down at it, ignoring the buzz. That plan didn’t last long considering it buzzed two more times immediately after.

jake : hi

jake : you have a habit of ignoring me i think

jake : !!!

You let out a small laugh and your eyes shot to the side, expecting to see him already looking at you and preparing to speak. Instead he was leaning away and keeping his gaze firmly out the window, a tight grip on his phone.

you : are we playing the silent game?

jake : yes

jake : i didn’t take you for the camping type… did anything inspire you to come along?

You looked at him again and this time he was looking at you too, an eyebrow raising slightly in question as he glanced down at your phone screen. You thought for a second before responding.

you : i could ask you the same thing

you : if my memories correct i distinctively remember you whining the whole entire week during that field trip sophomore year

jake : i don’t whine

You snorted a laugh and you felt Jake’s elbow poke your side in annoyance. You nudged him back and he pretended to be wounded, leaning against you so your shoulders were pressed tightly together. Brit’s eyes met yours in the mirror for just a split second before looking away.

jake : maybe i had my reasons

Then his hand was falling forward onto your knee and you stiffened up at the sudden contact. Your reaction caused him to freeze too and he started to quickly retract his hand, stopping when you placed yours on top of his and kept it where it was.

You were suddenly hyper aware of how close the two of you were and also the fact you had chosen to wear the most hideous pajamas pants you owned. Jake didn’t seem to mind, his thumb caressing the soft fabric without realizing he was making your head spin.

You squeezed your hand that was on top of his and he leaned forward to look at you, head resting against the seat infront of him as he turned his body slightly to face you. His hand was shifting up your leg slightly and you held his gaze, an eyebrow raising in permission.

Without hesitation, you gave it to him, nodding and loosening your grip on his hand. Your hand slid to his wrist instead, not wanting to remove it from his warm skin and you felt his arm muscles tensing like he was applying effort to resist moving his hand more.

Your knee was swinging towards his instinctively and his eyes shot down to the way this caused your legs to part more.

Then his stare was back on yours, eyes heavier as he watched you. For a second you thought he seemed nervous, gaze fidgeting against yours.

Your phone buzzed again and you glanced at his free hand in confusion, eyebrows furrowing when you realized his phone was shut off and laying forgotten in his lap so it couldn’t have been him that messaged you.

brit : what are you doing back there

You met her gaze in the mirror expecting to see a teasing smirk or maybe proud eyes at the fact you weren’t losing your cool due to Jake flirting with you. Instead her eyes were dark and squinted in warning. She picked her phone back up off her lap.

brit : jake invited a girl this weekend

brit : sunghoon told me im rlly sorry yn i was going to mention it when we got there

Your entire body locked up and Jake’s thumb stopped caressing your thigh in worry, leaning back against his seat to try to look at your phone screen to see the cause of your sudden tension. You quickly shut it off and shifted in your seat, swinging your knee so his hand fell limp against the seat. You leaned against your side of the seat, frowning and looking out the window.

You stayed like that for the rest of the ride, ignoring your phone buzzing in your hand and a few attempts to get your attention from the boy next to you.

Once you’d finally arrived at the campsite you were the first one to leave the van, nearly tripping on Jay in your haste to be out of the suffocating situation.

Hands on your lower back were suddenly leading you away and towards the empty site kicking your feet out of their frozen state, you glanced at Brit as she ushered you away from the boys, telling them briefly you were going to set up your tent in the distance.

You were thankful for her quick lie and the comforting arm she was wrapping around your side as you walked away from them, ignoring their confused murmurs.

“Are you going to cry.” She whispered once you were a good distance out of ear shot, you met her eyes and she winced. “Or maybe throw up? I can’t tell…”

You shook your head and glanced behind you. Jake was frozen as he watched the two of you with a worried frown, only looking away when Jungwon abruptly handed him a few bags to unpack.

“Neither.” You forced out and she looked relieved but like she didn’t even slightly believe you. “I don’t care who he brings.” You shrugged and nodded to try to convince yourself.

She watched you in silence, leaning back slightly like you were a live wire as she waited for you to snap.

“But tell me who he is bringing.” You gripped her hand tightly and she groaned in relief at your more expected reaction, squeezing your hand in hers and taking a step closer.

“I don’t even know just some girl from one of his lectures I guess.” She was whispering close to your face and your heart sank. “Sunghoon said she practically forced him to say she could come but you know he has a reputation.”

And she was right, you did know that this new version of Jake had quite a few whispers about him and how frequently he’d leave parties with girls he’d never be seen with again. You felt foolish for letting yourself separate this side of him with the boy from the beach.

Maybe the boy from a few years ago was worse with girls, cared about them more and awkwardly stumbled through flirty conversations or teasing comments but it seemed like this new Jake was the type to not think too deeply about feeling up an old friend in a packed car.

One half of you wanted to not care, happy he had paid you any attention at all even if it wasn’t ideal but the more realistic half knew you could never be casual with Jake without breaking your own heart.

“I’ll be fine don’t worry.”

——

You were absolutely positively NOT fine.

After setting up quickly before the sun set, the second car had arrived with the rest of the people you’d be camping alongside of and you were quickly regretting your last minute acceptance to come along.

A few slightly familiar faces had stumbled out of the car, like Sunoo from your history class who had waved with a yawn followed by a bright smile. He was immediately replaced in your line of sight by none other than Lee Heeseung, who froze at the sight of you and then practically scampered away.

And finally a girl you hadn’t seen before, and who hadn’t bothered to introduce herself. The girl was currently on the receiving end of your glare, across from you at the fire as she leaned over and whispered something lowly to Jake in the chair next to her.

You hoped the flames were blocking the obvious annoyance on your face, her high pitched squeals and refusal to do any of the work setting up required was slowly eating away at you. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact she spent most the day draped over the boy you’d been infatuated with since before puberty.

Only adding to your growing frustration was the tense awkward boy beside you. Heeseung was practically curled into a ball in his camping chair, avoiding eye contact with your side of the earth and not speaking the entire fire. You were sick of it at this point and the combined anger at both situations got the better of you.

“Can we talk?” You were leaning over towards him to ask and your tone was heavy. He reluctantly looked at you and his eyes softened with guilt before he nodded.

Standing from your chair and wrapping your coat tighter around you, your gaze instinctively went to Jake. He was already watching you, eyebrows furrowing as he saw Heeseung stand and wait for you to leave so he could follow. You looked away from him in anger and started off towards the trees.

“Are you going to kill me be honest.” Heeseung eventually was groaning behind you as you walked in silence, cutting through the trail as you ended up near the dock.

“Why would I kill you?” You sighed and sat on the creaking wood, feet dangling and skimming the water of the green lake. He followed suit and sat a few inches away from you.

“For being a dick.” He shrugged and you laughed, kissing your teeth and nodding. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have not showed up without a text like that, regardless what Jake said.”

His words caused you to freeze in confusion and he seemed to notice your reaction, mouth parting in realization.

“You didn’t know…” He sounded both confused and like he had finally made sense of things in his mind. “Now I get why Brit keeps glaring at me in the hall.”

“What are you talking about Lee Heeseung?” You turned more towards him with sharp eyes and he shrunk in on himself slightly.

“I told Jake about our date and he told me I shouldn’t go because you had a boyfriend back home.” He was speaking fast and his eyes softened again at the hurt and confusion crossing your face. “I’m figuring now that probably isn’t true.”

You didn’t give him a response, staring down at his lap as you zoned out and tried to understand what he was telling you. Jake had not only sabotaged your date not date that apparently was a date but in doing so he made you seem like some awful cheater.

“Are you okay?” Heeseung was speaking again when you didn’t respond, leaning closer slightly and talking in a whisper like he was scared to break you from your trance. You looked at him hesitantly and his features softened at your teary expression. “I can go get Brit?”

You nodded in confirmation and offered him a small sad smile, hoping he got the memo that it wasn’t him you were upset with and you understood he had been caught in the miscommunication. He was patting your back softly before standing and jogging back towards the camp.

promise i don’t mean to cry but i get overwhelmed and confused

Sitting alone on the dock you allowed yourself to cry for just a few moments, you felt completely lost and confused. That mixed with the anger and jealously you’d felt all day and you were simply a mess of overstimulated emotions.

You didn’t understand why Jake would do that, what motive he would have. Maybe revenge for Heeseung interrupting his chance of a quick fuck the night before but you liked to believe that even if he changed, he still respected you enough to not spread rumors.

After ten minutes had passed your tears had slowed do a few sniffles and puffy eyes, using your thin sweater sleeves to wipe your face in preparation for your roommates arrival. You didn’t want to ruin the weekend by being overtly upset.

“Y/N?” The sound of the familiar voice caused you to freeze like it always did. Your shoulders tensed and you felt your fingers flex against the moist wood of the dock. The footsteps stepping onto the dock gave you a sick feeling.

“What do you want Sim?” You spit the words without turning to look at him and you shut your eyes tight when his hasty steps slowed with hesitation.

“I came to check on you… Heeseung went to get Brit but she wasn’t feeling well and went to sleep.” He was speaking slowly, getting closer but stopping a bit behind you like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to come closer. “Did he say something to you? What did he do?”

Now you were turning to glare at him, only briefly scanning his figure to see him wringing his hands together in anxiousness. “What did he do? What do you mean what did he do…what did you do?”

He didn’t even have the nerve to pretend to look confused, only being taken back for a second at your tone before a guilty dark look took over his expression.

“Okay listen, I had a reason.” He was holding his hands out in front of him in defense, eyebrows downturned. For just a second you felt bad at the way he frowned and then you remembered your anger.

You stood from the dock, turning your back on the water to face him. He seemed more taken back by this, your stance rigid and expecting. You raised an eyebrow at him and waved a hand to signal for him to continue.

His gaze dropped to his feet and then back up towards you, avoiding meeting your eyes and nervously wringing his hands together. “Okay maybe I don’t have a reason.”

Your shoulders deflated and you groaned.

“So you just made me look like an idiot for no reason.” You spat at him and he shook his head as you kept talking. “Not only an idiot but like some sketchy cheater.”

“I didn’t mean for it to be like that I just panicked.” He was rushing in his words and you were growing more confused with everything he said. Why did the idea of Heeseung taking you on a date make him panic?

“I deserve a better explanation than that Jake.” You were shaking your head now and he sighed. “I thought we were starting to be… I don’t know, friends.”

“Oh really?” He was sneering now and you faltered slightly, taken back by his sudden show of anger. “So now I’m cool enough to be friends with?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” You took a step towards him, your voice desperate in confusion.

“No don’t worry I get. Years of acting like I didn’t exist but now that I’m not a loser anymore I’m worthy of your time.” His voice was venomous and your head was swimming with confusion.

The incredulous look on your face only seemed to anger him further, neck vein protruding as he glared at you. He was holding your stare and softened just for a second at the genuine lack of understanding on your face.

“Are you talking about highschool?” You tried to keep your voice steady, wanting to understand what he was referring to without angering him. He gave you a look like it was obvious and you shook your head. “That’s not what happened at all, if anything it was the opposite.”

At this, he let out a loud scoff and took a step backwards in bewilderment. You watched him wrestle with this information, at the same time you were wracking through your memories with Jake to try and find what point in time he was referring back to.

You’d never thought of Jake as a loser, sure a little clumsy and awkward but that was the first thing you had liked about him. It wasn’t easy for you to spend time with him alone because you’d always end up embarrassing yourself, your crush on him bringing out the worst in you, but you definitely still hung out from time to time.

“You totally rejected me.” He was speaking again, his voice weaker this time as the embarrassment replaced his anger. “You not even remembering the worst day of my highschool life makes it ten times more awful.”

“Rejected you when?” Your head was starting to hurt from the crying and pure confusion. As awkward as you were around him, you know even highschool you would never have rejected Jake Sim.

“Prom.” He spat the word like it was obvious, like he was expecting you to suddenly remember your supposed rejection and make sense of this conversation but if anything it was only confusing you further. “You really just don’t remember?”

“There’s nothing to remember.” You spat out, angry at his persistent accusations. “I didn’t go to prom either year, you went with Lily and I stayed at home.”

Your stomach was turning with bitterness at the memory, this fact followed by his sudden avoidance after prom still hurt as it lingered in your mind.

“You think I wanted to go with Lily?” His laugh was humorless and cold. “Everybody knew I wanted to go with you only, I couldn’t not go just because you said no, I’d look like a total idiot.”

“Then why wouldn’t you just ask me?” Your voice was hoarse and angry but your stomach was turning at the thought of Jake wanting to go to prom with you.

You remember that year clearly, it was Jake’s final school dance and your friends had jokingly teased the possibility of him asking you. Of course at the time it seemed baseless to you, you were just friends since you’d never had the courage to put your feelings to action.

Like you had anticipated, a girl from your grade named Lily was posting the next week that she had been asked by Jake and they were going together. Even though you’d accepted long ago he’d never notice you in that way, you were still devastated and decided to spend this year at home alone.

“I did ask you.” He was stressing the words, hands thrown out in desperation for you to understand. You tensed up as you looked at him.

You started to slowly shake your head in denial and his shoulders lowered, coming to a realization.

“You never got the letter.” It wasn’t a question but a statement and the look on your face further proved it to be true. “I… I put it in your locker I don’t understand.”

“My locker?” Your voice was soft with exhaustion and a guilty look crossed his face.

“Two weeks before the dance.” He explained and he was taking a step towards you. He looked slightly relieved when you didn’t back away from him or raise your hands in rejection.

You scrunched your nose and tried to remember such a specific time in your life, only remembering one major detail that caused your face to light up in realization.

“Jake.” You groaned and he raised an eyebrow and nodded in anticipation. “Jake I had that nasty stomach flu everybody was getting. I was absent until after winter break.”

He didn’t say anything for a long time and you watched him go through different stages of remembrance, the noise of the woods and lake fading back in now that your shouts had died down.

“You never got it?” His voice was barely a whisper, almost like it wasn’t even meant for you to hear. It was a personal realization of his mistake and you reached a hand up to tug on his sleeve. His eyes shot down to your hand and then your face, eyes heavy and guilty.

if only you knew what i felt like

“Why on earth would I reject you.” You tried to keep your voice soft but it was shaking slightly with nerves as you finally voiced your longest kept secret. “Everybody knew how obsessed with you I was.”

“But I was a total idiot.” He shook his head and you took a step closer to him. “I spent so long trying to become cooler and you’re telling me it was pointless?”

He was looking down at you, in a similar stance to the multiple times you held long tensioned stares at parties and you were understanding now that similar to your casual careless persona you’d been attempting to show him, he was wearing a mask of his own.

“I liked that idiot way before I liked you, playboy.” He smiled at your light tone, arm sliding up your arm to hold your elbow and keep you standing close to him.

“Maybe I stretched the truth a tad.” His voice was low and you raised an eyebrow as you looked up at him, liking the way his bangs touched his eyebrows as he watched you.

“What about that girl you invited?” Your smile faltered slightly, remembering why you were out here on the dock in the first place. Your stomach tightened in jealously and you felt the urge to smack away his hand that was sliding to hold your lower back.

You resisted the urge, placing your hands flat on his chest and giving him the chance to explain. Miscommunication was clearly causing issues for years between the two of you.

“She practically forced her way into the van after overhearing us talk about it at a party last weekend.” He was explaining with an annoyed shake of his head and you nodded remembering Brit saying Sunghoon had a similar version of events.

“I shouldn’t have let her touch me.” He looked angry at himself and you wanted to reach up and smooth out the crease in his eyebrows. “I guess I got jealous seeing Heeseung was here. The same way I did when I ruined your date. I’m really sorry about that.”

“So instead of just asking me out yourself, you kidnapped me and took me to a beach?” You smiled softly at him and his lip quirked up slightly despite the look of guilt remaining.

“I know… I guess I’m still an idiot.” His smile fell and a pained look covered quickly his expression. “God, I made you cry.”

“Yeah you totally made me cry.” You balled your into fist against his chest and his eyes looked at the way his shirt scrunched up between your fingers. You gave him a soft smile, rocking forward and trying to ease his mind from the guilt he was feeling.

Then he was looking at you again and his tensioned eyes loosened slightly, a sudden wave of nerves washed over you at the realization of who you were currently having this conversation with.

“Did I hear you say you still liked me?” His voice was low and you felt his breath fan your face, his hand that wasn’t on your back was cupping the side of your face and making you look at him.

You were reminded of the way he held your chin at the party except this time it felt more gentle, his eyes soft and far more nervous than they had been that night.

“God, you’re an idiot.” You were shaking your head and smiling, the end of your word being cut off when he surged forward and pressed his lips hard against yours in his urgency.

Your hands on his chest started to ball up his shirt again, resisting a laugh at the force in which he kissed you, he mumbled an apology against your lips and you could feel him smiling as he cocked his head and kissed you again.

His hand had left your cheek, circling around your side to rest on your lower back with his other one as he, almost unconsciously, pulled you up and tighter against him as you rocked onto your tippy toes and back down.

Even when he pulled back to breathe, he kept you flush against him as he laid his forehead against yours and shut his eyes tight.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

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