#is that we were meant to feel sympathy for him AND YET STILL ACKNOWLEDGE that he was an asshole who wiped out planets | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hello-nichya-here · 2 years

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If Iroh doesn't acknowledge Azula as a victim of abuse, that means he can't relate to her, therefore Iroh either wasn't abused by his family or he was abused in a different way from Azula. Or maybe the truth is he just doesn't want to understand her. I really don't get why he's more sympathetic toward his brother who mutilated his beloved nephew's life. Like, what is he thinking, exactly? Perhaps his reasoning isn't supposed to go side by side with logic, but rather with feelings or sth. Here are my only guesses why Iroh doesn't care about Azula

1) She reminds him of his younger self that he wants to forget (which I don't even think has a point in saying how much is unfair to Azula)

2) She's a "hindrance" to Zuko

Sexism??? Idk. Actually no I don't think Iroh is a sexist based on his interactions with other women we saw so I'm not counting it, but you're welcome to correct me.

Iroh is not dumb enough to not comprehend what kind of situation Azula is in, but he's selfish enough to do zero shit about it. And for the ppl yelling "he was protecting Zuko from her" bitch pls. Azula didn't harass Zuko from the day she was born yet even when she and Zuko were children and their relationship wasn't so fucked up (which Iroh totally could have interfered with after he came back from war and even prior to that) he didn't give a shit. This man never cared about his neice, even before they became enemies. (No, the doll was not him showing her love lmao) Tell me then, if Iroh genuinely wants to guide Zuko on the right path and shield him from misfortune, why has Iroh never tried to pit Zuko against his real abuser, Ozai? Or do you want to tell me that Azula has somehow abused Zuko more than him? Why, throughout Zuko's whole journey, has Iroh never told his nephew that the way he was treated by his father, was wrong? Honestly I wouldn’t bash Iroh sm if he set Zuko against both of them yet here we are. Like really, Iroh? You think if Zuko puts her in her place and murders her, he's not going to lose it and be relieved or vice versa? You think making kids nemeses is going to lead to any good? Wisest character", my ass.

Warning, this is gonna be LOOOOONG and I'm gonna answer to your questions along with this ask I got from @profoundkryptoniteblaze after I pointed out another flaw of Iroh's because there are some points you both brought up that can be combined.

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"If there was ever any moment in which Iroh could be seen as endangering Zuko, it was that one - hell, Iroh realizing he almost got his "son" killed was probably why he was following him during "The Chase" and tried to reason with him in "Lake Laogai."

Y'know it really gets me thinking if Iroh never learned anything from indoctrinating and sending his own son to death and only realizing the wrong of his actions after having lost him. Iroh let his other son chase after false hope and waste his life, exhausting himself physically and mentally for three years and was never shown trying to pry him away from Ozai or the FN's toxic mentality. Later he helped Zuko chase and almost capture the avatar at the north pole, the latter would've been frozen to death as a result had it not been for Aang's sympathy (honestly not just Iroh and Zuko but the whole world is lucky that he's so patient and compassionate) And then Iroh calls Zuko out for his recklessness in "Lake Laogai". Like what, weren't you the one who-- ah nevermind. I've only scratched the surface about how Iroh failed to guide Zuko and yet neither he, nor Zuko, nor the fandom seem to realize it.

***

To really understand the issues with Iroh, we need to look at the context behind his actions BOTH in universe and in the sense of "He is a fictional character and can be whatever the fuck the writers say he is."

Iroh as a result of issues with the writting

When Bryan and Michael were still toying with ideas to figure out what story they wanted to tell, Iroh was NOT the character we saw in the show. He was originally meant to be a twist villain who was intentionally giving Zuko terrible advice, to make sure he would never capture the Avatar and be able to come home.

That idea was scrapped and replaced with Iroh being a grey character. He was likeable, nice, and even kind, but he was on the wrong side of this conflict. He could be wise, but he could also give Zuko bad advice, the difference being that he didn't mean any harm and genuinely wanted the best for his nephew. He is far from perfect, but there is more than enough evidence that he can redeem himself.

Then, the writers thought of ANOTHER Iroh. One that had already gone through his redemption and is as perfect as a human being can be. This was the Iroh they decided they wanted.

The problem is that they only realized that was what they wanted in book 2, once they had decided that Azula would be both Aang and Zuko's antagonist, meaning the audience had already seen the morally grey Iroh, and thus they couldn't just go back and rewrite the story with that new version of Iroh in mind.

So, they had three options:

1 - Throw their new idea in the garbage can and stick with the one they had already spent over a season developing.

2 - Give Iroh a deep, complicated, time consuming character arc to lead him from point A to point B. This woudly likely force them to have more than jus the three seasons they were planning, and was a bit of a high risk, high reward situation, since it'd be hard to make a grey character naturally become basically perfect, but it could pay off if they did it right.

3 - Retcon the past season, acting like Iroh was ALREADY perfect and thus didn't need that major character development, pretending he had always been working behind the scenes with the White Lotus to end the war and never acknowledging that he spent all of book 1 trying to help Zuko capture Aang.

Bryke chose option three, and when we combine that with the fact, to this day, they don't seem to realize that Azula is an abuse victim and child soldier, makes Iroh's flaws and antagonism towards her a bug instead of a feature, since he is now meant to be perfect instead of a deliberately flawed character, whose opinions should NOT be taken as absolute truth.

Iroh in universe

When it comes to the Fire Nation royals, we need to remember that, on top dealing with the cicle of abuse, they're also fighting two wars - one against the nations they're invading, and other amongst themselves, to see who will be Fire Lord - that made their already fucked up family even worse.

Ozai tried to steal his brother's throne, and to assure her son wouldn't die, Ursa had to help him commit treason by killing the Fire Lord and usurping the throne of the rightful heir (Iroh). And Zuko, even though he loved Iroh, didn't recognize the fact that his father had no right to throne until the series finale. He went so far as once referring to himself as rightful heir to the throne due to being OZAI and Ursa's son - and that was while he was banished and being hunted down by Azula, who is either the Fire Lord's heir or the usurper's heir depending on whose side you're on.

But why would anyone side with Ozai? Simple: the Fire Nation has a noticeable pattern of thinking ANYTHING is fair in the fight for power, which makes sense considering they're imperialists that think the whole world belongs to them just because they said so.

THAT is how Iroh was raised to see things. Sozin, his gradnfather and Fire Lord, decided that he could murder his best friend, kill 1/4 of the world's population, and take over territory that belong to the other nations just because that was what he wanted to do. Azulon followed in his footsteps, and had no problem sending his own son into the battlefield - something Iroh also did, and then paid the price.

Lu Ten's death shook him to his very core - but it did NOT make him change sides. Neither did Ozai stealing his throne, nor him disfiguring and banishing Zuko. He was so passive by that point that Ozai just allowed him to stay in the Fire Nation, and even be a part of war meetings.

In said meetings, no woman was ever present, because the only three female warriors we see are Azula, Mai and Ty Lee (a princess/prodigy and two noble girls who are best friends with said princess). The only other women in see in anything close to a position as part "Fire Nation army" was the female guard that Iroh befriend AND the guard at the boiling rock. We also know that Azula would have been the first female Fire Lord ever, which all but states that, even if Ozai had been the heir and Azula had been his eldest child, the throne would have still been Zuko's, because women don't get to be rulers in the Fire Nation. It is very likely that being married to a ruler and having his heirs is the highest position a woman could have in their society. Royal and important, sure, but always in a supporting role.

This, obviously, affected Iroh too. While he doesn't really seem to think anything of women being warriors (which makes sense considering he spent life attacking other nations, and thus probably fought women sometimes - we saw women fighting in the Southern Water tribe and let's not forget the Kyoshi Warriors), we cannnot forget he did things like take advantage of the fact that June was paralized to show that he CAN be a bit of a dirty old man, and that his idea of a perfect gift for AZULA of all people was a doll.

However, that doll also reveals something important: Iroh DID once view Azula as a child, and as someone he had some sort of obligation to - hence him being "fair" and getting her a gift too since he had gotten one for her brother.

But the main problem when it comes to Iroh and Azula's relationship (or lack there of) is also clearly already there: Iroh has no idea who his niece is as a person, and assumes he can figure that out by just using some concept of what she "should" be like, based on her position in their society.

At that point, she is just a little girl. Little girls like things like pretty clothes, playing with dolls, and talking with their friends. Not something he can relate to, but not something that gives him a reason to hate her. She is also a princess, and thus important, worthy of praise and respect, and to be protected by all - just not as much as she would be is she were a prince.

But as we know, Ozai sees things differently - but that doesn't exactly means he sees Azula for who she is either. She is the second child, like himself, meaning she is not meant to inherit anything, only support her older brother. She is also a prodigy and incredibly smart, which could make one wonder if maybe she wouldn't be a better Fire Lord than the actual heir. Ozai was projecting onto her from the moment she was born, hence him naming her after the Fire Lord - after his abusive father that never gave a damn about him.

And that leads to another thing that makes Iroh not as perfect as the fandom sees him: Ozai's dynamic with his own children mirrors how Azulon raised him and his brother. One was the good for nothing child, the scapegoat, the disgrace of the family. The other was the golden child, the one who was absolutely perfect - because they HAD to be. Let's not forget that Azulon's idea of defending the rights of his favorite son involved making him grief both for his son AND his nephew. He also didn't give a shit about the fact that Ursa, Azula and especially Zuko, the one whose death he was ordering, had nothing to do with this shit. Azulon believed EVERYONE had to pay because ONE person fucked up.

This suggest that, even being the favorite, Iroh likely got screwed over by his father many times, and his continued support of him until his death AND the fact that he NEVER said a single negative word about him suggests Iroh is looking at Ozai's treatment of Zuko and Azula, seeing their own dynamic with Azulon in it, and thinking there's nothing wrong with it. I've said it many times, but he is the classic case of "That's not abuse! My parents did that to me and I turned out fine!" when they're not, in fact, fine.

Either way, due to still being too broken after losing his son, he isn't interested in this proxy-rivalry with his brother. But he did develop a genuine bond with Zuko - the first-born. the "heir", the son his brother looks down on. Which means he is sort of having a "passive" role in this weird dynamic, while Ozai is holding all the cards, and likely believes that Iroh is only "choosing Zuko's side" because he is also a "useless" son who just happened to have the luck of being born first.

For many years, Iroh isn't acting, he is reacting. Ozai wants the throne? Fine, let him have it, it's not like Iroh is in any condition to actually deal with that kind of stress anyways.

Ozai is playing favorites? Not great, but hey, isn't that what ALL fathers/Fire Lords do anyway? Either way is not like he has the authority to tell his brother how to raise his kids. It's too late for him to fight for the throne now.

Zuko needs someone to help him on his doomed mission to capture the Avatar? Fine, Iroh will go with him. He likes the kid.

The Avatar IS alive after all and Zuko is actively hunting him down? Well, those were the Fire Lord's orders, guess they must capture him.

Zuko wants to go capture the Avatar alone, in enemy territory, at the risk of freezing to death if he doesn't find some decent shelter? Well, it is his mission, he calls the shots.

Zuko is upset that his father doesn't love him? Why not tell him that Ozai DOES love him, and that's why he banished him? There's no way this could backfi- WHY WON'T ZUKO LISTEN TO HIM? WHY IS HE BELIEVING AZULA'S OBVIOUS LIE THAT OZAI WANTS HIM HOME?

But then we have the chain of events that make Iroh snap out of it: Zhao tries to kill Zuko, then kills the moon, and, finally, Ozai sends Azula to capture them.

Nearly losing someone he loved again, having his nation do something ungodly dangerous and stupid just to win more power, and then being actively hunted down forces Iroh to wake up and be the Dragon Of The West again.

But he did not heal. He did not change his mentality. He never understood just how horrible of a situation he was put in by his father - and that he is essentially giving into Ozai's game, in which they use Zuko and Azula as a way to hurt each other.

And we have the final piece of this puzzle: Azula is now, officially, his and Zuko's enemy. She is Ozai's heir, is trying to capture them, and her goals are to help the Fire Nation win the war - something Iroh can no longer accept.

He changed sides, but in his mind it is still "Us VS Them", and Azula now happens to be on the side of "Them." She is a soldier of the enemy, and can rival Iroh's chosen heir.

She is in the way, and in a war, people like Iroh are expected to either capture or kill "obstacles" like her. So, he does that, and expects Zuko to do the same, for his own good, because this is war, and if they don't win, they'll be at Ozai's mercy - and we know he doesn't have much of it to offer.

She is also someone who is going against what is "right." She is rebelling against her uncle and true Fire Lord, as well as her older brother and future ruler. They are above her in the Fire Nation's laws and social hierarchy in every way (status, age, gender, etc), and yet she is supporting a traitor who stole the Fire Lord's throne. She needs to be reminded of her place, and she can either accept that or deal with the consequences.

It never occurs to Iroh that it doesn't have to be this way, because this is all he has ever known.

#asks #iroh meta #iroh critical #long post #azula deserved better #zuko deserved better #iroh deserved better #bryke critical

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gojuo · 2 years

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Hello can i ask you a quick question can i have your opinion of the strong bastards please i know you don’t enjoy them and i personally think they are hollow af and without substance but what do you think im curious

Hmm I don't hate them really. I think they're spoiled and protected from consequences all the time, which is bad parenting, but the worst thing about them is their parents in my opinion. Rhaenyra and Harwin knew very well what trying to pass off bastards as trueborns set to inherit the Iron Throne meant (exile/death), yet they still decided to have children. Jace could have been an accident, fine, but then they went on to have 2 more kids, which is just awful. A good parent that actually cared for her children would never put them in such a precarious and deathly situation, yet Rhaenyra and Harwin still did it. Not once, not twice, but three fucking times. Rhaenyra having bastards is not high treason, it is the fact that she tries to pass them off as trueborn which is. The way to prevent her children's execution/exile would be to abdicate from the succession and just live her life as a normal noblewoman, yet she did not do this, therefore making sure that her children would always be on death's door. Jace, Luke and Joff did not deserve that. I don't believe that children should have to pay for their parents' sins and in the show we know that both Jace and Luke know they are bastards. I imagine growing up with the knowledge that at any moment in time you could be executed just for being born was extremely damaging to their psyche, but it was also made very clear to them from a very young age that they would always be protected by the crown. Which led to their sheltered/spoiled upbringing (less noticeable in Jace than in Luke). They got away with everything, with maiming and permanently disabling the king's son, with being bastards who by law cannot inherit yet still being pushed to inherit the IT & Driftmark, with never apologizing for any of the wrongs they have committed, etc. The example set by the adults around them led to Luke (less so in Jace's case and Joff is still a little child so let's forget him) getting away for years with his awful behavior towards Aemond. Aemond is the king's son, Luke is the king's grandson. In all fairness, Aemond is closer to the king than Luke is, yet Viserys clearly and publicly showed the entire court which of the two he actually gave protection to and which one he did not grant such sympathies towards. It's what led to Luke getting away with not once in his entire life apologizing for permanently disabling a prince. That's pretty fucking horrible. Losing an eye is not the same as getting a cut on your arm, yet Luke never had to face any consequences for it. It happened and that was it for Luke, but for his victim, for Aemond, his entire life changed. Then he had the gall to scoff at an ancient bullying joke right in Aemond's face. Like ???? Who tf even remembers such a memory from back when you were 5 ten years later? It just goes on to shows how Luke was unrepentant of any wrong he has committed against Aemond, and that's awful. Aemond deserved an apology. Aemond deserved multiple apologies actually and he deserved acknowledgement. But he never did. Everyone just moved on like it never happened, but Aemond has the permanent psychical evidence of why he could not just "move on". He was only 10 years old...

I'm lukewarm towards the Strong children. Jace is an ok character, even though he is just your average nice guy with little personality outside of being nice. I don't have any strong feelings against him. Luke is a different story as you've just read. I don't hate him, but I hate that his parents raised him to be this way. I don't think he deserved to die while terrorized, but I also don't mourn him. Joffrey is just a little kid so no opinions on him really.

#hotd spoilers #anonymous #answered

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ailendolin · 2 years

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Title: Autumn Leaves [AO3]

Characters: Nigel & Hetty

Summary: In the beginning of their relationship, Nigel struggles with wanting more than Isaac can give. Hetty understands.

A/N: This is my first time writing anything for CBS Ghosts. Nigel and Hetty have quickly become my two favourite characters so of course I had to write a fic about them. All of this is pure speculation on my part since season 2 isn't available in my country yet but given how difficult it was for Isaac to even tell Nigel that he liked him I figured he'd have a hard time showing physical affection in the beginning of their relationship and wanted to explore how Nigel would deal with that. I hope you enjoy this take on the characters and that I did them justice.

Tagging: @psychninaaa2 and @coiseachd-nighean-marbh

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Autumn Leaves

“Lieutenant Colonel,” a voice behind him called. Nigel stopped and turned around to find Mrs Woodstone hurrying after him. “May I have a moment of your time?”

He forced a smile onto his face. “Of course you may, Mrs Woodstone.”

“Hetty,” Hetty said as she caught up to him, returning his smile.

“Of course,” Nigel said again and inclined his head in acknowledgment. “I am Nigel.”

Hetty nodded and gestured at the path before them. “Shall we?”

Nigel offered her his arm because that was what one was supposed to do when accompanied by a lady, wasn’t it? After all these years spent in the shed with only Baxter and Jenkins for company, he had to admit he had quite forgotten what a lady of the upper class like Hetty Woodstone would expect in terms of etiquette in such a situation. Not that he had ever been a natural when it came to social engagements – or women, for that matter. Quite the opposite, in fact. Even just thinking back to all the times some pretty lady showed an interest in him made his face heat up with centuries-old embarrassment. If only they’d known how futile their attempts at garnering his attention were …

Shaking his head, Nigel pushed those memories to the back of his mind.

They walked in silence for a while. Hetty kept looking up at the autumn leaves above their heads, clearly enjoying the way the sunlight filtered through them. On any other day, Nigel was sure he would have appreciated the sight as well. He had always been fond of autumn with its beautiful colours and misty mornings but today, nature’s breath-taking display barely caught his eye. He blamed Isaac for that, for making his heart feel so heavy with disappointment everything around him seemed to be under a gray veil.

“He’s trying, you know?” Hetty suddenly said, still gazing up at the leaves.

For a brief moment, Nigel wondered if he should play dumb and ask whom she meant. He had a feeling that Hetty wouldn’t appreciate that, though, so he ended up looking down at his shoes and sighing softly. “I know.”

Hetty stopped walking, forcing him to stop as well, and turned towards him. “It is quite all right to feel disappointed.”

Surprised, Nigel glanced up to her. He hadn’t expected sympathy for his predicament from her of all people. “It is?”

“Yes,” Hetty said firmly. She untangled her arm from his so she could take both of his hands in hers. “You have been waiting a very long time for him, Nigel.”

She sounded so understanding that Nigel felt a lump form in his throat.

“I have,” he whispered sadly, thinking back to all those lonely days when his eyes had strayed toward the manor, hoping for a glimpse of blue and beige; all those meetings between Isaac and him that had never seemed to lead anywhere; and all those sleepless night when the loneliness of all eternity had become almost too heavy to bear alone and he’d sought relief elsewhere.

“I would still ask of you to wait a little longer,” Hetty said softly, regretfully. “He needs more time to get used to this … development.”

“I know,” Nigel said again – only this time he did not just sound resigned, he sounded defeated. “I know he does but – Is it so wrong to want to hold his hand when we walk side by side? To want to sit next to him when we watch the television and feel his arm around me?”

Hetty’s face softened with sympathy.

“No, Nigel,” she said quietly. “It is perfectly normal to long for these things.”

Nigel sucked in a shuddering breath, desperate to keep his emotions under control in front of her. “Then why do I feel like I am doing him a disservice by – by wanting all of that? By wanting more than that? I know all of this is new to him – I know I need to give him time so why can’t I stop myself from reaching out to him even though I know he is going to turn away from me? Even though I know his rejection will make me feel hurt and disappointed and – and angry. So angry – not at him but at myself for doubting his feelings.”

“The heart often does not understand as easily what the mind has no trouble to accept,” Hetty said softly. “Especially if it has been tested as much as yours. But I assure you, Nigel: Isaac’s feelings for you remain unchanged. It is just incredibly difficult for him to express them.”

Nigel squeezed his eyes shut. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and lowered his head in shame. “Apologies.”

“None of that now,” Hetty said and gently tilted his face back up. “You have nothing to apologise for, do you hear me? There is no shame in struggling to love someone who doesn’t make it easy to love him.”

Feeling seen for the first time in his very long life, Nigel opened his eyes to let Hetty see the rest of it too: the tears he so often swallowed and masked with a smile, the pain he always tried to hide when Isaac flinched at his touch and the years of loneliness that had shaped him into the man he was today, for better or worse.

“See?” Hetty said kindly, giving his hands a reassuring squeeze as he blinked against his tears with his head held high. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”

Despite the ache still thrumming in his heart, Nigel found himself chuckling at her words. It felt freeing in a way little else had in the longest time. “Thank you, Hetty.”

Hetty offered him a smile that promised desperately needed support and friendship. “It might not feel like it but you are not alone in this, Nigel.”

With one last squeeze to his hands, she let go and turned away from him to give him a moment to compose himself. As Nigel used his handkerchief to dry his eyes, he looked up at the red and golden leaves over their heads and found himself smiling for the first time that day.

#nigel chessum #hetty woodstone #isaac higgintoot #nisaac #cbs ghosts #cbs ghosts fanfic #my fic

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quillyfied · 2 years

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Holy hell SO MANY THOUGHTS WHAT A FINALE

- first and foremost, two wishes are still left, which are surely going to cause shenaniganery in the future (and as I’ve theorized recently, this doesn’t yet put the nail in the coffin for Marwa and a better resolution; Nandor has entered a period of stasis, much like the rest of the house, and I don’t know that his arc can move forward until he acknowledges that he hurt people other than Guillermo this season. Could be wrong, could absolutely see them moving on from this bc it is a dark comedy and Marwa was more plot device than character, but I would hope they wouldn’t because of the real life bad implications. Still content to wait that out for now; it’s the little glare and head tilt as Marwa locked Nandor out of her man cave that truly makes me think she still has a further role to play that she can’t do while she’s Freddie, because even as a female copy of Nandor she found ways to fight back. Could this be a manifestation of Nandor’s self-loathing? Yes, absolutely, she liked everything he liked and he doesn’t like himself, but that’s still interesting and she’s still a valuable piece of the story that deserves to be the vehicle of Nandor’s retribution before she goes and starts revolutionizing the astronomy field. If nothing else, if the writers were operating on a “treat characters as characters and not as diversity bingo tokens so yes something bad is going to happen to Marwa, not because she’s a woman of color, but because she’s a plot device tied to Nandor” basis, I hope they see from fan backlash that they could have handled that so much better and therefore do better in the future, because Not Cool).

- Colin Robinson is back to normal…and yet he isn’t quite the exact same, is he? Very very sad sympathy for Laszlo and his chapter of parenthood ending, hoping he finds ways to immortalize that time period bc it clearly meant a lot to him (and he is going to deny that he cares anything about it in the future and be stoic laconic Laszlo again but we see you, Lazzo, you are sad and we are sad with you).

- How DARE they use Fiddler on the Roof to close out this strangely melancholy season, it is my favorite and I love it and the cast singing Sunrise, Sunset was so perfect ;A;

- of COURSE Colin Robinson’s detailed and fastidious nature is a form of self-perpetuation, what a guy. Waiting, though, to see if his now-lost second childhood memories are going to play a role in his future. Hope Laszlo or Guillermo writes them down but also I doubt it? Idk. The showtune whistling as Colin Robinson wanders off after the contractors gives me pause about this being the last we hear about how he spent a season as a kid and close to Laszlo and Guillermo affecting him.

- really glad Nadja didn’t burn the former vampiric counsel chamber to the ground, both because it would have been upsetting to lose all the bits and bobs I’m sure the Guide has stuffed behind the club veneer and because it’s incredibly funny that this is the only time the blood sprinklers have worked. Of course it is.

- speaking of things happening or not happening because of humor, GUILLERMO!! GET IT, HONEY! But alas, I hope his super special Slayer blood prevents him from being turned because that would be Super Funny Actually. Or something to do with familiar bonds not allowing vampires other than their masters to turn them. Something that once again prevents Guillermo from getting what he wants and making him really think and get creative about what he wants from life and how to pursue it. Genius move going to Derrick for it, though, top notch thinking.

- this season was hysterical and moody all at once and I thoroughly enjoyed it, minus the major problematic element of Marwa being turned into Freddie, but again, I don’t feel like that little plot point is over just yet and I’m content to trust the writers for now and table my misgivings. Because!! Two more wishes! Guillermo truly striking out on his own! The house getting back to normal but losing both Guillermo and Baby Colin and how that will affect them! Nandor seemingly content to sink back into the same old same old when he has been struggling against it for two seasons! Laszlo and Nadja being back to spending more time together again! The Guide still holding onto council secrets! Lots to play with and get into trouble with later on!!!

#wwdits spoilers #wwdits season 4 #wwdits #overall: loved it! can’t wait for next season! so much still to resolve!#and more to play with!!

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seven--secrets · 2 years

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how do you grow, that desire to live? || yuuto || trial 5.5 || reaction

A part of him genuinely doesn’t know how Riley is still speaking to Shigure’s onryo self so kindly, with so much compassion. A genuine want to help even with the angriest of souls. It’s not an extension that he can offer himself, what with his first instinct is to-

Lash out. What right did this onryo have, to play around with their lives like dolls. Puppet strings dangling to fit her schemes because of her defiance against the world, a wretched hatred that was taken out on fifteen other students completely unrelated to her. None of them had ever met her in their lives before this school, yet this self righteousness of having done her job, calling it a win?

(Cry about it. No, actually really? Cry about it, he thinks. Pain, and endless suffering, with no attempt of undoing the parts of your past. 'You were never meant to change, you were always meant to suffer' - such a backwards and bullshit way of thinking.)

Even as the options are laid on the table, it’s still a devastating choice, even if to him, the answer seems a bit clear. Seven, or one - a cruel twist of circumstances that no one in this room has ever asked for, yet these are the choices that are presented in front of them.

You were meant to die back there, weren’t you? He knows that feeling - you should’ve died, why weren’t you dead? - even as fate seemed to decide otherwise. Escaping death’s grasp is a feat that should be impossible the closer you linger, yet here you still remain, left to mend the scars that stay behind.

What gave you the right to defy that in the first place? Certainly, you never asked for that either, didn’t you? So he gets it, as difficult as it is.

There would be no sympathy for the onyro, whoever that manifestation is. But for Shigure herself, he feels like the final piece of the puzzle he hasn’t been able to solve has clicked in place.

“There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to die, for just wanting to live. Maybe in the moment she was going to accept it at first, but to give the last pieces of your soul away when there’s more that you want to do with yourself isn’t selfish.”

For the first time, he’s directed his attention to the onryo. He won’t acknowledge Shigure herself yet, not when he can still hear the tears and the sobs - empty reassurances that he doesn’t think will last. So it seems like it’ll be to the onryo for now instead.

“Of course we as humans won’t understand, holding onto your anger all this time. We never even knew you existed until this entire mess that you created. But it’s not like you ever tried to understand us either. Staying fixated with the pain that you’ve gone through doesn’t give you the right to inflict that pain on others. It’s not a game, it’s not something that you’ve been given the right to win or lose from. You being unable to move on to the present or the future is something you’ve done to yourself.”

He knows it’ll fall onto deaf ears though, what with the nature of the supernatural and how onryo’s form to begin with, but he’s so tired of this farce of a game. Regardless of however the onryo responds, while he also knows it’s almost hypocritical of him to believe this in the first place - you’ve thought you’ve deserved death for so long before too, haven’t you? yet it’s not like you’ve ever gone through with it either. coward - it’s something he truly believes in now.

Life is a bit funny like that. You don’t realize how precious it is until you watch it slip from your grasp. What more can you change, what more can you fix or do? He wants to stop existing for once, day in and day out, because your purpose should be more than this.

He thinks Shigure would be able to agree with this sentiment. Sometimes answers are just that simple. Even if the thought of saying goodbye to the other seven pains him with an unfathomable agony.

(Don’t do this to him again, giving him a glimpse of hope. Because is it really possible? To feel your heartbeat once more, to bake another batch of cookies and feel the warmth of your hand again? He isn’t sure if he should be grateful or resentful.)

The present hand that still grips onto his is still unflinchingly tight though, underneath the podium. He’s not sure what else he can do to reassure Kanna, because he can’t imagine the thoughts swirling in her head right now either, if his are already this messy. And even as he eyes certain other classmates - oh, Himeyuri, you’re there too, aren’t you? What does it feel like, to know how close you are to seeing Miyu’s smile once more? But to also have it just as easily slip from your grasp once more?

Agonizing, even as the sobs continue to echo in the trial room as Shigure holds onto Yumeko. ‘Till death do us part has never become a much more prevalent quote than it has now.

“... I won’t say what I personally think, Momoshiro-san. But it’s not your fault that you wanted to live back then. I don’t fault you for that, and no one should for having to experience that in the first place.”

Will he fault her for wanting to live now though, with the options present here? Unfortunately, he genuinely doesn’t know.

Yuuto still doesn’t know if he has enough heart left in him to forgive, as much as he unconsciously wants to. Forgiveness of any kind is such a difficult pill to swallow. There’s such a desperate want, and by this point, he doesn’t even know if it’s resentment that he feels anymore. Because for every painful and agonizing moment that makes him want to never get back up, there’s also so much warmth that he’s also experienced here from the story that’s been started here.

But despite it all, resentment or not, he understands you, even if just a little. So hopefully, that’s okay. And as Riley suggests the possibility of taking the voices of the dead to account, he remains silent, having said his piece for now.

#yuuto #chapter 5 #trial 5 #submission

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makeste · 3 years

Text

“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua and @class1akids’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

#bnha 322 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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bigfemdomenergy · 3 years

Text

Personal Maid

»»-————　♔　————-««

Anime: Attack on Titan

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader

Word Count: 1700+ words.

Summary: For someone who loves cleaning so much, Levi can get quite messy.

Warnings: Dacryphilia, handjob, edging.

Note: I have an assignment due today and two others on Monday yet here I am writing smut.

»»-————　♔　————-««

Maid dress, stockings and garters. To top it off, of course, a maid costume isn’t finished without some cat ears. You thought Levi might’ve been a little embarrassed or shy wearing it, but he looked unbothered, almost smug, as if he knew he looked good in it. Well, obviously, he did, but unbothered was not what you wanted.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask, Captain,” you said, leaning back on the chair, legs propped up on the desk. You two were currently in his office, door locked, while Levi attempted to clean as you watched and fiddled with his paperwork.

“What is it?” He side-eyed you, unable to comment on your desk etiquette.

“Are you wearing any underwear?” you asked.

Levi furrowed his brows. “What kind of question is that? Of course I’m wearing underwear.”

“Oh.” You played with your hair. “That’s disappointing. Can you change that?”

Levi stopped dusting and finally turned around to you, hesitant. You waited, not a hint of what you wanted on your face, except for the curl of a smile on the corner of your lips. He glanced to the side, the first dusting of pink appearing on his ears as he reached underneath the all-too-short maid dress he had on.

Slowly, he pulled down his panties. They weren’t boxers. You knew what you gave him, and he knew it too. The black lace slipped past his legs and he stepped out of it, picking it up. You smirked as he held it, standing there, lost, unsure what to do with it and what you wanted.

“You can leave it on the desk,” you said. He frowned but strode forward, carefully folding it as he placed it in front of you. Levi turned to leave when you let out a, “Oh! Is it okay if I checked? Can you come over here for a second? I mean, you might be tricking me and you could have like, a secret second underwear down there.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Why would I? That’s stupid.”

“I know, I know. So come here and let me check for a sec.”

He sighed, coming over and grumbling, “I don’t like these games.”

“Oh?” You lifted up the hem of his dress and the smile on your face widened. He was already semi-hard, and frankly, you hadn’t done anything but watch him clean and ask him to take off his underwear. “This says otherwise.”

“Shit,” Levi hissed as you traced a finger up the underside of his cock. “Just fuck me already, damn it.” At your unimpressed stare, he added, “Please.”

“Please what?”

His cock throbbed and he snapped, “Please, mistress.”

You tsked, dropping the hem of his dress. “You always have such an attitude at the beginning, don’t you? I don’t know why, because we always end up in the same spots. You clinging to me, crying, while we fuck.”

Levi didn’t say anything but you visibly saw him swallow. Swinging your legs off the desk, you stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the seat. Moving, you climbed on top of him, straddling, and gently lifted his face with your hand. Levi’s eyes were wavering, trying their best to focus on you, but as you placed a palm on his chest, you could hear his heart hammering. Nothing yet but he was already so excited.

You pressed your lips to his and he welcomed it, pushing back into the kiss. It was slow and sensual, mouths sliding, tongues pressing, sucking. Levi groaned as you bit his lip, nibbling, and below, he attempted to grind against you. You hummed. Parting, you licked away the string of saliva connecting you two, taking in his blushing red face and opened mouth as if he wasn’t done kissing you. As if he wanted to continue, or as if he didn’t know what to do with his mouth anymore.

“Can I touch you?” he whispered.

“Yes, darling.” You leaned back in and his eyes slipped close as his hands began to wander. They gripped your thighs, running up, as you smiled down at him with his mouth opened, eyes closed, waiting for you. When you didn’t do anything, he slowed down and opened his eyes, frowning. “What’s wrong?” you asked, lips close enough to kiss, but barely.

When he spoke, your lips brushed. “Why...aren’t you kissing me? Kiss me, please?” You waited. A frustrated expression passed his face and he said, “Please?”

You humoured him with a kiss but did nothing more, much to Levi’s scowl. His tongue poked out, begging for entrance as his hands slid up your shirt. With a smirk, you reached down and traced the head of his cock, startling a gasp out of him. Levi hadn’t meant to pull his head back from the kiss and leaned back in, but you turned your cheek, earning another scowl. Ever since you learnt Levi loved kissing, it had been a delight to tease him with it.

You reached over to the drawer and pulled out the bottle of lube. Levi watched you hungrily as you lathered it on your hand and turned back around to him. His eyes went from your hand to your face, lips pressed together. “Kiss,” he all but demanded.

Smiling, you brought your lips closed to his and stopped. He snarled and lurched forward, but you backed away. He cursed, glaring at you.

“What’s wrong?” you asked innocently as your hands began to jerk him off slowly. Levi’s glare crumbled and he groaned, head falling back on the chair with a thump, still handsy as he found your breasts, squeezing them. You grinned as Levi’s hips jerked when you twisted your wrist, admiring how beautiful he looked, cat ears slipping. He turned his face into his shoulder, muffling the moans you wanted to hear. Oh? If he couldn’t kiss you, you couldn’t hear him?

Fine. Fair enough. You could work with this. You latched onto his exposed neck, speeding up your hand movement.

“Nngh!” Levi moaned in surprise at the sudden attack. Your hand smoothly glided over the tip, fingers slipping around the underside. Slow, too slow. You were going to slow. Levi writhed and squirmed under you, pants escaping his mouth, brows pinching together. He was completely hard and throbbing, mind growing hazy as he thrusted into your light grip. Precum leaking. “Mmmh, more. Please.”

“Oh? My pretty little maid is so greedy despite forgetting his manners,” you teased, leaning in and nosing his neck. “And that attitude! What am I supposed to do with you?”

“Just fuck me—hahh.” Levi whined as you licked a strip up his neck to his ear, nipping it. Your hand had stopped slicking up his cock, instead, your fingers rubbed and swirled at his tip, causing Levi to whimper.

“Come on, love,” you whispered into his ear, voice sultry and seductive, so much, he couldn't help but twitch and thrust, threatening to throw you off. “Show me you know how to behave. Hm? Don’t you want to be good for me? If you do your job properly, I’ll pay you for your services properly.”

Levi huffed. “I—fuck!”

You pinched his tip, just hard enough for him to cry out. He didn’t know whether he wanted to chase after your touch or retreat away from it. Levi’s mind was a mess, caught up in your scent, your touch, your words, your voice. He was hard as rock and he didn’t know what he wanted except one thing. All he wanted was you. You. You. You. Everything was you.

Capturing his lips in yours, you sucked and bit, devouring him. Levi didn’t know what to do but surrender to you. Whimpers and whines spilled out of his mouth, gasping, hands tightening around your waist, nails digging in. He’s rocking into your touch. Anything. Anything, please. He needed to cum so badly. “Ngh, mmph. Cum. I wanna—”

You pulled back and began to jerk him off earnestly. Levi moaned, gasping and tossing, mouth open with drool leaking out. He didn’t know what to do. Where to put his hand. What to look at. What to say. The slick sounds of your hands on his cock was making him lose his mind, and with you looking from above, a smirk on your lips?

“I’m close!” Levi whined. “Close, close. I’m gonna cum. Gonna cum!”

You watched, waiting as you roughly twisted and teased, Levi stuttering and heaving. Then you stopped, just as he was about to cum, you clamped down tightly, forcing a dry orgasm out of him. Levi practically keened, clutching onto you for dear life, floundering and confused. His cock was twitching and red as you let go. He held onto you, head on your shoulder, gasping.

You pushed him back so he was looking at you and fixed the cat ears, not a lick of sympathy on your face. Levi was close to tears, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth, face flushed. He managed to gasp out, “Why? Why’d you stop?”

“You know why,” you said, taking his cock back in your hand and earning a sharp inhale. “Bad maids get punished.” And you were stroking him again and all he could do was cry and hold onto you. You set a fast pace, bringing him closer to orgasm in minutes. Levi couldn’t focus on anything but the pleasure and the pain, the sound of you jerking him off, the feel of you pressed up against him.

“Close,” he moaned like a whore. “Please, please, I wanna cum. Please, let me cum. Ahh, ah, please! Mistress!”

There it was. A hand came up and flicked his nipple through his maid costume and Levi arched his back, groaning. He was going to cum. He was going to cum all over the costume and all over your hand and fuckfuckfuckfuck.

“Cum—Noooo!”

You halted his orgasm again, hand gripping the base of his cock. Tears leaked out of Levi’s eyes as he turned his head from side to side, sobbing. His breaths were laboured and he couldn’t think, couldn’t talk. His cock was so hard it hurt and he couldn’t even fucking cum! You were so cruel!

“But—but I said...I said mistress,” Levi cried.

“You did,” you acknowledged. “Too bad your mistress is cruel.”

And you took his cock back in your hand again and Levi knew by the end of this, he wouldn’t even be able to function. He’d lose all sense of control and there was nothing he would love more.

#dom reader #attack on titan #sub levi #levi x reader #dom!reader #shingeki no kyojin #levi ackerman #aot #levi #snk #levi smut #attack on titan smut #aot smut #snk smut

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vermillionflames · 3 years

Text

Wedding Night

Gaara x Female Y/N

Word Count: 2,244

Warnings: arranged marriage, virgin sex, oral sex, unedited smut

I was nervous. My heart had been racing all day thanks to my wedding day anxiety, and the unsolicited advice from literally every single woman attending did not help. Neither did my father’s look of sympathy as he gave me away. My heart, having beat so fast it ran out of fuel, had dropped to the pit of my stomach the second we got into the carriage to take us to our home. This was the first time I was truly alone with my now husband, and it was dead silent. I was convinced he had fallen asleep with his eyes open, bored out of his mind, while my mind was reeling with all the scenarios that could happen.

The Kazekage was many things, but not a charmer. That much I was certain.

The carriage stopped and a guard opened the door. Not acknowledging me, again, Gaara got out first. A second guard presented his hand to help me exit as he continued towards the door. Lovely.

The house was massive, and right in the middle of the village. My face became hot realizing how easy everyone had access to it. Not only did it seem unsafe, the lack of privacy was a waving red flag.

Then I noticed his siblings standing in the door frame. We would have witnesses to our consummation.

I tried not to dwell as I followed Gaara inside.

His siblings vanished from the porch and then the door shut with the wind.

“We have the place to ourselves tonight,” he spoke in a low, monotone voice, “They reside here as well and will be back tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully they don’t bother you the same way they bother me.”

“Was that… a joke,” I tried to crack a smile but I was so anxious it didn’t translate through my face.

For the first time all day he really looked at me. The silence was heavy. My shoulders slouched and my face dropped after a few moments, he was disappointed with his bride.

“Come,” he turned around and started up the flight of stairs, “I’ll show you to our room.”

Not having separate rooms detracted half the advice I had been given early, but I was glad I wouldn’t have to deal with being alone when I went to sleep my first nights in a new home.

Gaara opened a door on the second floor and led me inside. The room was nothing special. A king size bed in the middle of the left wall, wearing deep blue sheets. Across were two armoire closets, made of cherrywood, and a door that seemingly led to a bathroom. It was bare, unlived in.

I turned to look at him by my side.

“I don’t have much skill when it comes to decoration,” Gaara said, meeting my eyes, “You can change everything to suit your liking.”

“O-okay,” I answered.

We stood there in silence, staring at each other, yet again.

My face got red as I realized it was about to happen.

“Um,” I stuttered, “Shouldn’t the sheets be white,” I looked down at my feet, embarrassed.

“If you want white sheets we can have them delivered in the morning,” he replied.

My brows furrowed in confusion, “I mean, like, for the blood.”

“What blood,” he asked, stepping closer he grabbed my hand and lifted my arm, “Are you injured?”

“No,” my heart shot up from my gut to my throat, “For the consummation,” I spoke too loudly for my liking. He placed my arm back down at my side.

“You are…,” he looked at me, “A virgin?”

I wanted to crawl into myself and die.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“That is good to know,” he walked towards the bathroom door, “I was hoping we could wait. I know everyone wants you swollen with my child by tomorrow, but,” he opened the door, “I think it best we get to know each other a little more. Your clothes should have been put in the closet on the right, I’ll be in here until you're changed into your pajamas.”

I was relieved at his idea to wait, though part of me just wanted to rip it off like a bandage. Then I got sick again knowing that I have never owned pajamas in my life… and that I sleep naked. I stalked to the closet, hoping there would be something that resembled sleepwear or that my mother had packed my belongings and threw me a bone. Inside all I found were tiny lace pieces and short satin dresses. Obviously, my ninja gear had been omitted from the move since I was no longer allowed to be in active duty, but nothing besides lingerie was inside the closet.

I threw open the single drawer at the bottom, praying for a miracle. It too had nothing but sexy underwear, and I wanted to faint when I saw leather straps. Who did this?! My shock made me lose my grip on the drawer and it fell onto the ground with a loud crash.

“Y/N? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I answered too quickly and too loud.

What was I going to do? I couldn’t sleep in my wedding robe. I looked at all the dresses, concluding they revealed too much for a sexless night.

“There’s, um, there’s no pajamas in my closet,” I called to him. The door unlatched and opened as Gaara walked to me.

“I’m sure they just hid it from yo…” he trailed off taking in the mess on the floor, “There has to be something here.”

Gaara picked up a black strap off the floor, “What even is this,” he asked, tossing it aside. “Is this supposed to make me horny,” he picked up a tiny, lace thong, “My sister must have gotten your size wrong.”

I spit out an embarrassed laugh.

Eyes narrowed, he shuffled through the mess on the floor. “Why is there nothing but underwear in this whole closet?!”

“Can I just wear something of yours,” I asked.

His face softened, “Of course. What’s mine, is yours.”

His closet was full of clothes and pajamas, so I had plenty of options. He handed me a large black t-shirt and red drawstring pants. I nodded in thanks.

Gaara went back to the bathroom while I changed. I threw the shirt over my bare chest, swimming in its size. Then began the mental debate of panties. The ones I had worn with my wedding robes had meant to suck me in and were too tight for sleep, so I removed them. I picked up the pait Gaara had thrown aside earlier and put them on, not wanting to be bare underneath his pants. His pajamas were too big for me, but they were comfortable and warm.

“I’m done,” I called as I climbed into the bed. Gaara emerged from the bathroom, having also changed into pajamas, which matched mine. He flicked his wrists and the lights went out. I felt him climb into the bed next to me and settle. The quiet lulled me to sleep, where I dreamt of my husband touching my body.

Something in the night startled me awake. I ripped my eyes open, seeing the bare wall. In my sleep I had turned onto my side, my back facing Gaara… only... He had also turned onto his side and had his arms wrapped around me. His hand had wandered up my shirt and was now resting under my breast.

I squirmed to try and move myself, but he only tightened his hold around me. Panicking, I grabbed his arm and pulled it down, forgetting how strong I was. His shoulder popped and I felt him wake up. His hand remained too close to my boob, which he noticed. He flipped himself over mumbling an apology.

“Wait, Gaara,” I turned, poking his shoulder.

“Hmmm,” he grumbled, half asleep.

“I want to,” I blurted out. I blushed at my confession, but honesty was the best policy.

“Want to what,” he asked, turning onto his back.

“I want to consummate our marriage,” I whispered, regretting how I worded it.

Silence was my answer.

“Um, nevermind,” I moved to lay back down but Gaara sat up and grabbed my face, bringing me in for a kiss. His lips were soft and warm, the kiss was nothing like the one we shared during our ceremony. My body tingled in response. I whimpered when he pulled away, wanting more.

“Are you sure,” he asked, holding my face in his hand.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“We’ll go slow,” he promised before kissing me again. His tongue licked my lips asking for entry. I parted, not really knowing what to do. I just knew I wanted him as close to me as possible.

Gaara laid me onto my back, continuing the kiss. He paused to look at me, I fidgeted under his eye. He smiled, genuinely smiled at me, before continuing the kiss. He sucked on my bottom lip, a feeling I won’t soon forget, before trailing kisses down my jaw and neck. His fingers played with the hem of my shirt, his shirt. Tickling my stomach and hips before pushing the fabric upwards.

“I want to keep it on,” I gasped, not ready to be fully naked in front of him, despite the lack of light.

“Okay, Y/N, but anything you keep on, I get to keep on and we can’t make love unless we take off our pants.”

His choice of words shocked me. Make love? We hardly knew each other. Still, I nodded in agreement.

His hands moved to the waistband of the pants I was wearing and slowly pulled them down. He cocked his head to the side, recognizing the thong from earlier.

“I guess Temari did get your size right,” he winked.

I took a deep breath as his fingers looped around that waistband and pulled down. The most private part of me was now bare to him.

“If you want to stop at any point, please tell me. You can shove me to the floor if you want,” he waited for me to acknowledge him before continuing. I didn’t trust my voice so I nodded.

One second he was staring at me, the next his head had fallen to my core. I soon realized what he was doing. His tongue licked up my folds, making my yelp. I had touched myself before, but my fingers never felt like this. I felt him smile with pride as his licks made me squirm and gasp. I kept my hands at my side, gripping the sheets. The pleasure increased when Gaara wrapped his mouth around my clit and lightly sucked, continuing the tongue laps. The bed beneath was soaked from how wet I was.

On instinct, my hands went to his hair and pulled him closer to me as I begged for more. My embarrassment and anxiety from earlier had vanished due to my lack of need for his touch. I didn’t want him to stop, and I told him that too.

I felt one of his fingers enter me, making my volume increase. He pumped his finger before releasing my clit from his mouth.

He looked up at me from his position at my hips, our eyes met and my body came undone.

“Do you still want to,” he stood at the side of the bed when my orgasm stopped rippling through me.

“Yes,” my voice was so heavy with desire I didn’t recognize it.

“Shirts still on?”

I blushed but nodded.

“Okay,” I watched Gaara remove his pants, revealing a long, hard cock. My body hummed in excitement as he climbed back on top of me.

“Y/N,” Gaara grabbed my face with one had, forcing my concentration on his eyes and not his member, “Remember what I said about stopping me?”

“Yes,” I answered too quickly.

He smiled, “Good, now look at me.”

I kept eye contact as he entered me. My face slowly shifted into one of discomfort as more went inside. It wasn’t painful like I had been warned, but it was a new sensation that was extremely uncomfortable.

Gaara groaned when he was fully sheathed. He didn’t move his hips, opting to kiss my cheeks while I got used to his size.

“Please,” I finally asked, “Give me everything.”

Gaara growled in approval before moving his hips backward, slowly he thrust in and out of me. I moaned, moving my hands to grab his back and hold him to me. He took my expression and noises as cues. Once I had gotten louder, and wetter, and quickened his pace, causing me to scratch down his back.

“More,” I begged, and he laughed.

“Tonight, this is as much as you get. I don’t want you to be too sore,” he angled himself to hit a particularly pleasurable spot and I cried out.

We were both sweating, moaning messes when I felt my orgasm approach. Gaara must have felt it too because he quickened his pace enough to meet me. We came together, which is something the old hags told me would not happen. Gaara laid on top of me for some time before flopping over.

“Are you alright, Y/N?”

“Yes,” I was still catching my breath, “That was so much better than what I was told would happen.”

“Oh?” Gaara sat up, massaging circles into my tummy, “Just wait until we become more accustomed to each other’s bodies.”

#gaara scenario #gaara fanfic #gaara x oc #gaara fanfiction #gaara x y/n #gaara x reader #naruto x reader #gaara oneshot #sabaku no gaara #gaara of the sand #suna no gaara #gaaraxoc #gaara headcanons #kazekage gaara

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Note

We’ve heard Jiang Fengmian as WWX’s bio father, now it’s time for Lan Qiren as secretly his father. (Please no Wangxian for this one!)

ao3

“You want me to what,” Lan Qiren said.

“Be the father of my child,” Cangse Sanren said. Simply and straightforwardly, as if that were just a thing people said.

Casually.

To their friends.

To their – as far as he knew – platonic friends!

“You’re married,” he stressed.

“Yes, Qiren-xiong, I’m aware,” Cangse Sanren said, her eyes bright with mirth. “I was even there through some of the festivities. Though not all, of course, since the bride gets sent away far too early at these things, and of course then there was all the liquor –”

“Cangse Sanren,” Lan Qiren said through gritted teeth, wishing not for the first time that his friend had an actual name rather than merely a title – something he could use or not use to emphasize his feelings on the subject.

She laughed at him, because of course she did.

“Let me explain,” she said, probably because she sensed that he was considering stabbing her if she didn't. “Lao Wei and I –”

“Aren’t you older than he is?” Lan Qiren asked, dubious. “Possibly by several centuries?”

“Humans call their husbands that,” Cangse Sanren said, waving her hands at him. “Don’t bother me with details.”

“…you’re human, right?”

“Of course! This is the fourth time you’ve asked, and the answer hasn’t changed. Why would you ever think otherwise?”

“The way that you continuously refer to – no, I’m not letting you distract me this time. Explain yourself!”

Cangse Sanren giggled into her sleeve. “We want children,” she said. “But he can’t, you see. Wrong parts. So we need someone else to be the sire, and I want it to be you.”

“Why?”

More giggling. “Because I like you. And why not?”

“And Wei Changze agreed to this?” Lan Qiren asked, slightly appalled. He knew Cangse Sanren well enough to assume that the answer had to be yes, and yet still...

“Yes, he did, but you’re welcome to talk with him directly. In fact, I encourage it.”

“Perhaps I will,” Lan Qiren said.

Wei Changze was a pleasant person, even if he and Lan Qiren weren’t direct friends – Lan Qiren was a bit too inflexible and serious, Wei Changze a little too free-spirited and light-hearted, so they’d never entirely bonded, but they were both very fond of Cangse Sanren in all her strangeness, each in their own way, and that was enough of a basis for a decent relationship.

“I’d be honored if you would agree,” Wei Changze said when Lan Qiren asked. “You’re my wife’s favorite person besides me – why not you?”

Lan Qiren could think of many, many reasons why not.

“I don’t want to impact your relationship with her,” he said cautiously, and Wei Changze blinked at him as if to say how would it do that? “If jealousy were to arise…”

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” Wei Changze said.

“…you understand that if I agree to your proposal, I would be sleeping with your wife.”

“Oh yes,” Wei Changze said. “Several times, I hope. We've got to make sure it takes, after all. On that note, can I watch?”

Lan Qiren was a man aware of his dignity. It was beneath his dignity to flail around like a teenager.

He flailed regardless.

“You don’t have to let me if you don’t want to,” Wei Changze said, but he was pouting. “I guess. I just think it’d be hot, that’s all.”

Lan Qiren put his head in his hands.

“You’re bright red,” Wei Changze observed. “Does that mean you’ll do it?”

“I don’t even like Cangse Sanren that way,” Lan Qiren said, voice muffled by his palms. “I mean, I like her, but I don’t – like her. Romantically. At all.”

“And I’m very happy about that,” Wei Changze said soothingly. “As is she, being as she married me and not you. You don’t need to have romantic or even sexual feelings about her, you just need to platonically bang her a few times.”

“…I will do it provided you never refer to it that way ever again.”

“Deal,” Wei Changze said, and grinned, waving his wife in through the door; she bounded in like a lion on the hunt, smelling blood.

“Additionally, we should be clear about what we expect regarding the child,” Lan Qiren said, even though he was already being carted along to the bed by Cangse Sanren’s excessive momentum and Wei Changze’s entirely unnecessary assistance in removing his clothing. “Obviously any child will be yours in every respect, legally and emotionally and otherwise, both of you, but if possible I would still like to see him –”

“Of course,” Cangse Sanren said agreeably, removing his pants. “Whenever you like.”

“Something is wrong,” Lan Qiren said firmly.

Yu Ziyuan scowled at him, even as her husband frowned thoughtfully. “Cangse Sanren is a rogue cultivator,” she said acidly. “It is not unusual for rogue cultivators to go a few months without contacting their friends in the cultivation world.”

“We have an agreement that she would come by once every season or else send word. She has not missed a single instance, and yet now she does.”

“Why would she agree to meet so regularly with you? We barely see her once a year, if that,” Yu Ziyuan asked, and Lan Qiren knew her issues with Cangse Sanren were actually issues with Jiang Fengmian, but it still irritated him to be used as a pawn in their troubled marriage.

“If you do not intend to help me search, then just say so,” he said heavily. “I fear that something has happened to her, and I intend to find her; I would like your help, but will proceed without it if need be. If all is well and she just decided not to come, and also not to send word or any other sign, then I will apologize for the inconvenience and repay you any monies expended. But if not…”

“I will help,” Jiang Fengmian said, and Yu Ziyuan looked on the verge of exploding.

“I’ll leave you to sort that out,” Lan Qiren said, shaking out his sleeves and leaving at once. As per their agreement, Cangse Sanren brought Wei Ying to the Cloud Recesses once every season or else sent word explaining her absence – the lack of any word this time was deeply troubling. After all, in the end, despite Cangse Sanren’s relatively humble goals and low-key life, there was always that doom said to be associated with those who left the immortal mountain…

He worried.

He’d planned to tell Cangse Sanren about He Kexin’s death during her present visit, had hoped that Wei Ying’s presence might help lift Lan Zhan’s mood after the loss of his mother and give him some comfort – Wei Ying was Lan Zhan’s favorite person in all the world, bar none, and he had waited so anxiously, if wordlessly, for him to arrive during the month that they expected Cangse Sanren and her family to come. And yet the days ticked by and he didn’t arrive at all…

Lan Qiren worried.

Still, with Jiang Fengmian’s help, and of course the Nie sect’s – Lao Nie hadn’t hesitated to agree, even though unlike Jiang Fengmian he did not have a personal connection to either Cangse Sanren or Wei Changze and was acting wholly on account of his friendship with Lan Qiren – they would be able to cover a great deal of the cultivation world, especially given that Cangse Sanren disliked both Lanling Jin and Qishan Wen and was unlikely to venture into either of their territories.

They would find her.

He hoped that they would find her.

“Well, that was a meeting full of revelations,” Lao Nie said, eyes curved into crescents of mirth. “The only thing that would have made it better is if you’d ended your sentence with ‘so fuck off’. You know, so that it would’ve been ‘Because he’s my biological son, so fuck off’.”

“It isn’t anyone else’s business,” Lan Qiren said querulously. “I don’t consider him my son – he’s Wei Changze’s son! His surname is Wei for a reason! The exact mechanics of his conception are private-”

“Are they? Too bad, I’d have liked to hear about it.”

“Lao Nie!”

“What? It’d be hot.”

“Wei Changze said the same thing,” Lan Qiren grumbled. “What is wrong with all you people? Anyway, that was not my point; we can discuss your sexual titillation later. My point is that Wei Ying should not have a shadow cast over his parentage – I should not have had to reveal that fact at any point.”

“You had no choice,” Lao Nie said, not without sympathy. “Given that Wei Changze was a former disciple of the Lotus Pier, Jiang Fengmian had the better claim to custody absent that fact. Never mind that you were Cangse Sanren’s close friend, or that they came to visit you more often; never mind that Yu Ziyuan is to this day only barely able to restrain her jealousy and hatred of the pair of them and would be made miserable by the boy’s presence on the Lotus Pier, and possibly make his life miserable in return; never mind that Jiang Fengmian already grossly favors the boy over his own children, a surefire recipe for disaster…you had to say what you said, Qiren. Wei Ying will be better off at the Cloud Recesses.”

“He’ll be a disaster at the Cloud Recesses,” Lan Qiren said, rubbing his temples. “He’s as free-spirited as his parents were. That’s the only hesitation I have…if it weren’t for all the other things you mentioned, Yu Ziyuan’s jealousy and the favoritism and all that, I would think he’d be better off among the Jiang.”

“He will make a very unique Lan,” Lao Nie acknowledged. “But he’ll be an adopted cousin to your nephews, and they’ll grow up as brothers. A-Zhan will be delighted.”

“Yes,” Lan Qiren said, acknowledging the point. At least there was that. “Yes, he will.”

“Maybe I’ll have a talk with Jiang Fengmian,” Lao Nie said, more to himself than Lan Qiren. “That poor Jiang boy, no one deserves to grow up with a real-life person being ‘another person’s child’. Perhaps I’ll see about inviting the boy over to the Unclean Realm more often. A-Sang could use a playmate…”

“You’re weird for a Lan,” Jiang Cheng said.

“That’s because I’m not a Lan,” Wei Wuxian laughed. “I’m a Wei! Lan Zhan’s a Lan, Xichen-da-ge is a Lan, but I’m not. Don’t let the white robes mislead you.”

Jiang Cheng coughed. “That’s not – what I meant.”

Wei Wuxian blinked at him.

“Well,” Jiang Cheng said, abruptly looking extremely awkward. “Your father’s a Lan, isn’t he? Teacher Lan.”

“Oh, that! No, he’s not. Easy mistake to make,” Wei Wuxian assured him. “Lots of people think that, what with me knowing the Lan sect rules backwards and forwards and upside down – mostly so that I can haggle my punishments down when I break them, that's how I learn them best – but actually I’m Wei Changze’s son.”

Jiang Cheng’s face was red. “But…my dad said…”

“He helped,” Wei Wuxian conceded, tapping his nose meaningfully. “That’s why I’m so pretty! But Wei Changze was the one that wanted me, Wei Changze’s the one who gave me his surname; it’s his grave I sweep during Qingming. If you like, you can think of me as having been adopted into the Wei family; that’s common enough, isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Jiang Cheng said, blinking. And then he said, sounding doubtful, “Do you really know all those rules?”

“All of them! You have no idea how much trouble you can make with a good set of rules.” Wei Wuxian grinned. “Want to see?”

“I – can we?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, stepping into the room. He looked tired, as always, but Wei Wuxian thought that there was never a time when he didn’t, certainly ever since he became sect leader too early. Lan Xichen was always worrying about him, and Lan Qiren, too, and since they were worried, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had figured they might as well get in on the action. “Not in the Unclean Realm you can’t. Save it for the Lotus Pier, since the Cloud Recesses are too wise to you now.”

“No one is truly wise to my wicked ways,” Wei Wuxian boasted, and Nie Huaisang poked his head out from behind Nie Mingjue’s back and waved – he’d been dragged away to saber training, leaving Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng to try to make friends without him. Without Lan Wangji, too, which was even more unfair; how was Wei Wuxian supposed to represent the gentle snow and wild wind without his other half?

Stupid seclusion. Wei Wuxian was with his uncle in disliking it even when it was necessary.

Though Jiang Cheng was kind of cool…

“This is,” Lan Qiren informed Cangse Sanren’s memorial tablet, “entirely your fault.”

Despite her son’s newfound demonic cultivation skills – or his taste for revenge: he had taken the burning of the Cloud Recesses very personally, and the attack on the Lotus Pier, and so on his best friend Jiang Cheng, very nearly as badly, and that, somehow, had inspired him in new and even more uncontrolled ways – there was no response from the grave.

And yet, somehow, Lan Qiren suspected that he could hear her laughing at him.

#mdzs #lan qiren #cangse sanren #wei changze #sect leader nie #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #my fic #my fics

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xmarchwarden-of-lothlorienx · 3 years

Text

Compelling

Thranduil x fem!human!reader

Requested: @the-colonialtemplars

Summary: “I would like the human was part of the company of Bilbo and the Dwarves and that when Thranduil first her he begins to take a strange interest in her”

Authors Note: I am so sorry for taking forever with this 😓 Life was kinda hectic so I didn’t get the chance to write for a hot minute. I hope you enjoy it!

__________________________________________

When you had been asked to join the company of Thorin Oakenshield, you didn’t have getting lost in Mirkwood and captured by the Elvenkings guards in mind. You were a human, and a very talented swords-woman at that. Your skills were known to many, including Gandalf, who had been the one to propose you join the quest to reclaim Erebor. Now, you were being escorted through the halls of the Elvenking.

The kingdom had been carved from wood and stone. It was so different and yet more beautiful than anything you had ever seen. As you were escorted by guards, all you could do was look in awe at the extraordinary view.

The guards stopped you in front of the throne. You brought your eyes to the figure of the Elvenking when the captain addressed him.

“What shall we do with them, My King?” His icy blue eyes slowly passed over the company and lingered on you. You gulped. You had thought the kingdom was beautiful, but now all of your attention was directed towards the king. He looked ethereal seated upon his throne; as if he had been carved from the finest and purest of stone.

“Take them to the dungeons. Leave Oakenshield with me,” he commanded. As he spoke, you made eye contact with each other. You could feel the goosebumps raising across your skin. All you could think of while you were being shoved into your cell were his eyes. The king-Thranduil they called him-had a cold and harsh demeanor, yet looked somewhat...lonely? You couldn’t place it exactly. You shook your head. The last thing you needed was to feel sympathy for the person holding you prisoner.

___

When Thorin returned from his audience with the king, everyone jumped to their feet and began asking what had happened. Before you could hear his response, a guard opened your cell and grabbed your arm.

“Your turn,” was all they said. As you were led back to the throne room, the dwarves shouts of outrage at your being taken away echoed through the long hall.

Standing before the king, you had never felt smaller. It felt as though he could see right through you.

“May I ask why you wanted to see me?” You inquired first. Thranduils expression shifted to one of amusement. A human, in his own court, addressing him without first being acknowledged and without using his title? This should be interesting.

“My audience with Thorin Oakenshield did not go quite as planned.” He began descending from his throne. “I was hoping to have a discussion with someone that would perhaps be more reasonable.” Thranduil was now slowly circling you.

“I am not the leader of this quest. Decisions are not mine to make.” You responded. The king obviously knew of the stubbornness of dwarves. If he thought you could convince Thorin, that would be near impossible.

“All I ask is for you to consider my offer,” Thranduil whispered into your ear. He was behind you now and you hadn’t realized how close he was to you. You felt the hairs rise on the back of your neck. Something about the Elvenking put you completely on edge.

“Alright. I shall consider it,” you replied. “But, I make no promise to fulfill or agree to anything.” Thranduil smirked at your response. Interesting indeed...

“I understand that if you do succeed in reclaiming Erebor each of you will be given a share of the treasure.” He continued walking until he was in front of you. “There is something very precious to me among the gold of the mountain.”

“Oh?”

“Jewels, made of pure starlight. If you should find them, I hope you could return them to me.”

“Return?” You asked. You knew of the bad blood between the elves and dwarves, but Thranduil’s choice of words piqued your curiosity.

“Yes,” he paused. “They belonged to my late wife, and Thorin Oakenshield has refused to give them to me.” Oh. Suddenly, you understood the lonely Elvenking. Your knowledge of elves was limited, but you knew when they fell in love, they fell hard. It was rare for them to ever marry more than once. In fact, it was rumored that they could only fall in love once.

“I see,” You said. You felt sorrow for Thranduil. The dwarves were stubborn, but they could at least give him what belonged to his former queen. “If the opportunity should arrive, I’ll see what I can do.”

Thranduil nodded to his guards signaling that you were done. They took you away, this time more gently than before. Once you were gone, he returned to his throne and thought. You seemed different from most humans he had met. You weren’t troubled with impressing him or seeming like you were something you were not. You ignited something he had not felt in a long time. That couldn’t be though, could it? Only time would tell. After all. He was patient. He could wait.

___

The Battle of the Five Armies was over. You sat upon the broken ramparts, and mulled over recent events. Thorin and his dragon sickness. Sneaking out of the mountain with Bilbo to give the Arkenstone to Thranduil. After everything the company had been through, Thorin, Fili, and Kili were dead. Thorin’s cousin, Dain, would now be King under the Mountain. Your thoughts were interrupted by someone sitting down beside you.

“And what about you? Where will you go now that the quest is over?” Thranduil. The battle weighed heavily on him as well. He had lost many of his people and now his son, Prince Legolas, was leaving.

“I’ll do what I always do,” you replied. “Journey from one town to the next. Find a new job or adventure to partake in.” You turned to the king. “I apologize for not finding your jewels. I know they-they meant a lot to you.”

“No,” he said. “I’ve come to realize that there are far more important things to treasure.”

“Oh? Care to enlighten me?”

“Love,” he said quietly. “Not becoming so caught up in a memory that you neglect those that are still here.” You sat in silence for a few moments.

“I’m sorry about your wife,” you said. “I know she must have meant a great deal to you.”

Thranduil gave a sad smile. “Yes.” He looked into your eyes. Light blue staring into (e/c). “Though I think my time of mourning is over.” He stood up. “Tell me, how would you feel if I offered you a place at Mirkwood?” This was a surprise, and a pleasant one at that. Being offered a place among the elves was an honor.

“I-well-of course I would accept.” You finally managed to say. It wasn’t as though you had anywhere else to go. The dwarves offered you stay at Erebor, but some were still angered over your and Bilbos ‘betrayal’. You would much rather let that tension cool before staying with them.

Thranduil was pleased with your response. He slowly extended a hand to you. “Come then. We shall depart in the next hour or so.” You placed your hand in his and he pulled you up. You stumbled slightly into him. You again made eye contact. There you stood, his hand in yours, too close for what was considered appropriate. Becoming flustered at your proximity to him.

“Forgive me. I must go pack my things,” you said before leaving. Thranduil watched as you hurried away. Interesting indeed...

#lord of the rings #lotr #the hobbit #thranduil #thranduil x reader #thranduil x you #thranduil x y/n #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit x y/n #the hobbit x you

352 notes · View notes

squiggledrop · 3 years

Text

Forgotten Days - Spencer x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: Spencer and Reader both have feelings for each other, but haven’t told the other. The team forgets Reader’s birthday, and Spencer tries to fix it before it’s too late.

Word Count: 3.1k

Pairings: Spencer Reid x Reader

Category: Agst, Fluff

Warnings: Kissing

Note: To the anon that requested this: Happy Happy Birthday!! Everyone should feel loved on their birthday, so I just wanted to let you know you are cared for and so appreciated. Happy Birthday!

The monotonous beeping of the hotel alarm clock pervaded your ears. You groggily peeked open your eyes, groaning at the sunlight bleeding through the window. You saw Emily shuffling in her bed as you reached over to turn off the incessant beeping before rubbing your tired eyes. It was six in the morning on the twelfth day the team had been in Kansas on a grueling case, and it just so happened to be your birthday. Needless to say, it was not off to a great start.

You sighed, willing yourself to get out of bed in an attempt to avoid a scolding from Hotch for being late. You pulled your head off the rough cotton pillow and swung your legs onto the ground. You took a long look around the room, taking in the way the deep red wallpaper had mocked you for the past eleven nights, reminding you of the unsub who had continuously avoided all the team’s attempts at catching them. Your jaw clenched as you turned back over to your half-asleep friend laying in the bed next to you.

“Em, we have to get up. We have to be back at the station in thirty minutes”, you said between a yawn. Emily groaned as she sat up, rolling her eyes as she nodded. You looked at her for a moment longer, not getting up to go to the bathroom just yet.

“What?”, she questioned. You knew it was early that she was just as tired and frustrated with this case as you, but you still waited for her to wish you a Happy Birthday. Your mouth hung open at her question before you quickly closed it, realizing you would not be getting any birthday wishes this early in the morning.

“Nothing. I’m going to hop in the shower”, you replied, getting up and walking towards the bathroom. You saw Emily nod as she began to get herself up and ready for the day. When you closed the door and started the shower, you couldn’t help but frown at the pit you felt in your stomach. Of course, there were more important matters at hand, such as the serial killer that was still on the loose, but that didn’t make your friend forgetting your birthday hurt any less. You closed your eyes and sighed, letting the hot water run over your shoulders.

You and Emily met up with Derek and Spencer outside the hotel as Hotch, Rossi, and JJ had already left. Derek drove and Emily claimed the passenger seat. You didn’t mind, however, because it meant you got to sit next to Spencer, whom you had developed feelings for over the past few months. Under any other circumstances, you would have loved the opportunity to spend more time near Spencer. But, in your current irritated state, it was torture, because he was the last person you wanted seeing you like this.

Spencer noticed how you were much quieter than you usually were, and he missed the stupid jokes you would always make that never failed to make him laugh. He also noticed you checking your phone constantly throughout the ride to the station. He bit his lip and frantically thought about anything that could have caused your shift in behavior. When you and Emily walked out of the hotel to where he and Derek were waiting he could already tell you were on edge, but when you dismissed Derek’s ‘good morning’ without one of your radiant smiles that he swore shone brighter than the morning sun, he knew something was wrong.

As you pulled into the station, you quickly checked your phone once more before heading inside. Garcia hadn’t sent her infamous, essay long birthday text, none of the team had wished you a happy birthday, none of your family had messaged you yet, and Spencer, in all his eidetic memory glory, hadn’t even acknowledged you. You pushed back the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes as you tried to focus on the case and not the feeling of worthlessness that protruded your brain.

Later in the day, Garcia had texted the team a lead, and Hotch sent Derek and JJ to check it out. Emily and Rossi were still at the latest dump site, so that left you and Spencer alone at the station. You had been short with everyone today, you knew that. You felt guilty, knowing you had let your emotions affect your work, but no matter how hard you tried to hide your emotions, working with a group of profilers meant they could always tell when something was off.

“Hey, (Y/n), are you okay?”, Spencer asked hesitantly, after almost an hour of working in silence. He missed how you could always brighten up a room with your vivacious personality despite the subject matter of your work. You always reminded him of all the good that there was in the world. He always knew he had feelings for you, but until he had to go a day without you brightening up his day, he hadn’t realized quite how hard he had fallen.

“Yep”, you snapped, internally berating yourself for how harsh your voice had been. You looked up apologetically at Spencer before burying yourself back into the files in front of you. After a few moments of watching you hastily flip through the papers in your hands, he spoke up again.

“It’s just”, he sighed, using his desperate gaze to will you to look back up at him. You, however, had no intentions of having to look at him or anyone else on the team for the rest of the day. “You haven’t been yourself today. And I’m sorry if I’m overstepping, but I care about you, and I can tell something is bothering you. I just want to make sure you are okay”. You scoffed under your breath, rolling your eyes before glaring at him.

“You care about me?”, you harshly asked, “Spencer, if you cared… if any of you cared, you would know what’s wrong”. You had never seen so much hurt in someone’s eyes before. Spencer looked as if you had just ripped his heart out in front of him. He tried to think of what to say, what he could do make it clear that he does care, much more than any colleague should. Just as he opened his mouth to say something, Hotch opened the door and you both turned to look at him.

“The address Garcia sent checked out and JJ and Morgan were able to get our guy”. You and Spencer feigned relieved smiles and nodded. At least you could sleep in your own bed tonight, you thought. “We’ll all meet at the jet in 30, so finish up here and I’ll see you there”, he said, sensing the tension in the room, before turning back to add, “And good job. You all deserve some rest after this case”. He let out a small smile before turning to leave the room. You began to pack up the files, wanting nothing more than to just get on the jet and sleep, and let this horrible day finally end. You looked up to see Spencer still looking at you. The sympathy pooling in his eyes mocked you, a constant reminder of how insignificant you were to those around you who couldn’t even be bothered to wish you a Happy Birthday. You felt your eyes water again, knowing you wouldn’t be able to hold them back this time. You abruptly stood up, throwing your finished paperwork in front of Spencer before practically running out of the room.

“(Y/n)-”, he called out, wanting to just wrap his arms around you and tell you everything would be alright. He just wanted to bring as much happiness into your life as you did his. But, he knew it would be no use. You were clearly upset with him, and he didn’t want to do anything to upset you further. Spencer looked down and picked up the file and began scanning the documents inside. He stopped abruptly, however, when he came across the date written at the top. His heart sank at the realization: It was your birthday.

He thought back to every interaction he saw you have today, and couldn’t recall anyone wishing you a Happy Birthday. He felt like the biggest idiot and worst friend in the world. His heartbeat quickened as he tried to figure out what he could do to make it up to you. The case had been so long and draining, all the days had bled together. He even had a gift for you in his bag, which he brought in the event that the case went on longer than anticipated. He couldn’t believe how stupid he was. He had been planning this for weeks and he forgot. He quickly grabbed his things, racing outside in hopes you hadn’t left yet. His chest deflated when he got outside and saw you had already left, taking one of the SUVs’ with you, only leaving one for him and Hotch, meaning he couldn’t even leave until Hotch was ready. He fell to the ground and sat on the curb with his head in his hands. He pulled out the neatly wrapped gift in his satchel, cursing himself for not realizing sooner.

When you got to the tarmac, you made your way onto the jet, avoiding everyone there. Derek reached out to stop you, curious as to why you had been acting off today, but you shrugged his hand off your arm and brushed past. The rest of the team looked at each other will confused glances as you situated yourself at the back of the jet.

When Spencer and Hotch finally arrived, they quickly got onto the jet, eager to get home. When Spencer stepped inside, he saw you curled in the back and his heart broke even more. Derek pulled him out of his miserable gaze and motioned for him to sit across from him and JJ. Spencer took the empty seat next to Emily and looked up guiltily at Derek.

“What’s up with (Y/n)? She’s been acting weird all day”, he asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah”, Emily added, “She was out of it this morning, but I thought she was just tired. Now, I’m not so sure”. Spencer sighed, not knowing how to tell everyone they were the worst friends in the world.

“Spence, what is it?”, JJ pressed, knowing he clearly knew what was bothering you.

“We uh-”, he shook his head, “It’s her birthday”. Everyone gasped, realization hitting them.

“No”, Emily shook her head, “her birthday isn’t for another two days, it’s on the…”, she stopped, having realized the days got away from her, and it was in fact, your birthday.

“Ugh!”, JJ hissed, “What should we do?”

“I’ll call Garcia. If anyone can get reservations at that fancy restaurant (Y/n) likes it’s her”, Derek said while taking out his phone. Everyone solemnly nodded, still in disbelief that they could have forgotten something as important as your birthday. Spencer tried to listen to their plans, but all he heard was muffles. His entire focus was on you.

“I-I’m going to go talk to her. Make sure I, uh, we didn’t screw up too bad”, he said while getting up, making sure to take his satchel with him. The group nodded as he stood up, cringing as Garcia’s curses could be heard through the phone.

As Spencer approached your seat, you looked up at him. Your eyes were puffy and your cheeks had tear stains running down them. Spencer resisted the urge to hold your face and wipe away the tears that tarnished your beautiful face.

“Can I sit down?”, he whispered, fearful that even talking too loud would cause you more damage than he had already done. You softly nodded, and he slowly sat down in the seat next to you. You bit your top lip, timidly meeting his gaze. “(Y/n)”, he stated, hesitantly placing his hand on yours, “I’m so sorry. I-I had everything planned, and then this case got really crazy. Everyone was tired and frustrated, and I know that’s no excuse, but I just need you to understand”, he rambled, “I never wanted this to happen. And then this morning you were really distant, which you had every right to be, and then I tried to figure out what happened until I realized nothing did. And that’s the problem, we all did nothing”, he sniffed, “Then you said I didn’t care, and (Y/n)”, he grabbed your hand more securely, looking into your eyes, “I care so much. I hated seeing you so upset all day. It broke my heart”, he choked out between tears that matched the ones trailing down your face, “And I’m so sorry I was the cause of your pain”, he gasped, squeezing his eyes closed.

“Spence, i-it’s okay, calm down”, you rubbed your thumb over the back of his hand, “it’s okay”, you soothed. He melted into your touch and his breathing calmed down.

“Happy Birthday”, he whispered, looking deep into your eyes. A smile crept its way to your face at his words, a warmth radiating out from the pit you had felt in your stomach all day. He reached into his satchel and pulled out a small box, neatly wrapped in dark blue wrapping paper with a small gold bow on top. “Here”, he said, handing it to you, “I’m so sorry I forgot to give this to you earlier. I just need you to know that I didn’t forget about you, I just may have momentarily lost track of time”, he frowned. Your eyes softened and you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, Spencer, this means more than you will ever know”, you smiled, taking the gift, your hands brushing against each other as you did.

“Well, don’t thank me yet, you don’t even know what it is”, he joked, feeling better now that he got to see your mesmerizing smile. You laughed, shaking your head as you began to unwrap the gift.

“You know, just having people like you in my life is the only gift I need”, you half-joked, smirking at him as you finished opening your present. Before opening the box, you looked up into his eyes, your demeanor much more serious, “And, I’m sorry too, Spencer. I shouldn’t have said you guys don’t care. I know you care, and I’m sorry for doubting that”.

“I know”, he said, caressing your shoulder, “But come on, just open your gift already”, he smiled giddily.

“Okay, okay”, you laughed, “It’s almost like you are more excited about this than me and-”, your giggles stopped as you saw what was inside the box. “Spencer”, you gasped, looking up at him. “You. Did. Not”, you squealed. Spencer smiled bigger than he knew was possible when your face lit up. You picked up the two pieces of paper, still not fully comprehending you were holding two tickets to go see your favorite band in two weeks. You looked up at Spencer, “But, how?”, you questioned in disbelief. “I tried so hard to get tickets to go see them when they went on sale like seven months ago. H-how did you…”, you trailed off, excitement and adoration flooding your brain.

“Well, I overheard you mention how much you love them to Garcia once, and I have my ways”, he smirked while wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“You, Dr. Spencer Reid, are something else”, you laughed, shaking your head.

“I hope that’s a good thing”, he meekly teased.

“It is a great thing”, you smiled, lost in his eyes. Not knowing what to say next, you both sat there, looking into the other’s eyes, feeling as though your hearts would beat out of your chest. Eventually, you broke away from his gaze, figuring he still deserved a bit of teasing. “So um, two tickets? Guess I get to bring someone along?”, you asked, looking up at him innocently.

“Uh, y-yeah, well, I um. I figured-”, he stumbled over his words, acutely aware of how his cheeks flushed.

“I wonder if Emily would like to go”, you cut him off, “or maybe JJ. She deserves a night of fun away from her kids”.

“No!”, he abruptly stated. “I-I mean, no. I thought we could go together”, he said, not able to make eye contact. You smiled at how cute he was when he was flustered.

“Oh”, you amused. “I would love that”, you said, squeezing his hand.

“Really?”, he questioned, his eyes lighting up at your words.

“Of course”, you said matter of factly, as if it were that obvious. He smiled and hummed in response, bringing your hand to hip lips and placing a kiss on your knuckles. You smiled back at him, relishing in the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you.

“Oh!”, he said, startling you as you looked up at him, “um, are you free tonight?”, he asked. Your heart picked up its pace once again at the implications of his words.

“Yeah, I am”, you smiled, “why?”, you asked excitedly.

“Well, we all feel really bad. So, we got reservations to that restaurant you love for later tonight”, he smiled, a hint of guilt still present in his eyes.

“Oh”, you sighed, trying to mask the disappointment in your voice.

“Unless you don’t want to go. We can do whatever you want. Today is all about you”, he rushed as he spoke, trying to reassure you.

“No”, you saw the panic that swarmed his face in fear of messing up again, and you gently cupped his cheek with your hand. He leaned into your touch, his anxiety visibly subsiding. “I guess, I just hoped you were asking me to dinner just the two of us”, you trailed off, looking expectantly into his eyes.

“Like a date?”, he asked, starting to understand what you were saying.

“Yes, like a date”, you replied, biting your top lip, “If that is something you would want”, you smiled up at him. Spencer couldn’t get a response out quick enough before his lips were pulled towards you as if they were magnetic. When your mouths connected you softened into his touch. You smiled into his mouth after a few moments of kissing, happiness flooding your brain.

“Happy Birthday”, Spencer whispered into your ear. His hot breath tickled your skin and you let out an excited giggle.

“Yes”, you laughed, leaning back into him, “a very Happy Birthday to me”.

939 notes · View notes

malachaiparkerimagines · 3 years

Text

do-over

word count: 4.1k

warnings: angst, sad kai :(, sappy sex

summary: seeing your old partner in crime in a diner was enough for both of you to yearn for each other once again.

The diner that Bonnie had chosen for dinner was quaint, a little way outside of town but the journey there had been a familiar one. Bonnie spent the drive over talking about a new grimoire she’d acquired, you'd been listening a majority of the time but as you pulled into the diner, your attention shifted.

Damon’s car was one you would recognise anywhere but for a second you failed to register that his car was parked just outside the diner you were about to enter. It shouldn’t have mattered but curiosity got the better of you and you couldn’t help but wonder.

“What’s Damon doing here?” you mumbled cutting off Bonnie’s rambling. She quickly spotted Damon’s car but didn't share the same concern, simply shrugging her shoulders and getting out of the parked car, immediately heading for the entrance.

The warm smell of waffles and bacon wafted out of the glass door Bonnie had held open for you and the soft murmur of conversations filtered into your ears.

Any previous worries you had about Damon invading yours and Bonnie’s free time dissipated the moment you felt a low rumble emanate from your stomach. A waitress, a teenage girl with a warm smile, promptly seated you both at a table just by the window and handed you menus with a smile before briskly walking off to serve another table.

“I’m starving” you breathed as you looked over the choices on the tattered menu, your eyes flicking over a few that you knew you would enjoy. “What are you getting?”

Bonnie seemed too preoccupied staring at the stools at the front of the diner to acknowledge you, repeating the question seemed to catch her attention but now you were far too interested to find out what she’d been looking at.

“I-, um,” she stumbled, fumbling with the menu as she tried to gain your attention back but it was long gone, too focused on the two men sitting on the stools in the direction Bonnie had been staring at a few moments before.

Damon was expected, you’d seen his car parked out front so you weren’t surprised to see him occupying one of the worn stools. However, you hadn’t expected to see Kai sitting adjacent to him.

To say you and Kai had history would be an understatement, you were practically joined at the hip for a time. The warmth and endearment he expressed in your presence was enough for the rest of the group to finally accept him; not as a friend just yet, but not as an enemy.

That was a while ago though since then he'd drifted from you to the point where any acknowledgement of your existence was unheard of from him. You wanted to be angry with him, you had every right to hate him for the way he made you feel when he brushed you off but it broke your heart far more than it infuriated you.

The diner was busy enough that he hadn’t spotted you yet but you knew it was just a matter of time, a simple glance behind him or Bonnie speaking a decibel too high would alert him to your presence.

“Can we go?” you whispered, feeling your heart sinking more than you could physically handle. Bonnie’s eyes met yours and you could practically feel the pity radiating from her stare.

“No,” she stated, holding her head high but the look of sympathy was still painted on her face. “You can’t run from him forever, he’s not worth the trouble.”

She was right, of course, she was right, but that didn’t mean you had to like it. So, with a deep sigh and a shaky breath you picked up your menu and decided what to eat. With a proud smile, Bonnie imitated your actions and started to list off what she wanted to eat.

After a while you almost forgot that Kai was in the same room as you, you'd been so engaged in conversation and your food. What you'd failed to notice as a result was that Kai and Damon had finally realised that you were there.

A slightly louder than usual laugh from you alerted Kai of your whereabouts, your laugh was so familiar to him and yet he almost forgot what it sounded like. As if it was second nature, his heart yearned to go and talk to you, ask you how you'd been but a hand on his shoulder grounded him into his seat.

For a moment he thought Damon had returned him to his senses until his eyes shifted to the dainty hand that had slinked down and taken a hold of his bicep before they finally moved to the face of the woman who was smiling at him. Damon moved to focus on the milkshake in front of him, a smirk growing on his face.

“Can I help you?” Kai questioned, taken aback by the proximity of the woman who he didn't recognise. She was pretty, no question about it, she had light eyes and short blonde hair but Kai couldn't care less, his hearing focused on you and the mindless conversation you were having.

The conversation between you and Bonnie had slowed, words were just mumbled between the mouthfuls of food. Somehow, your gaze returned to Kai and Damon, the sight instantly put a damper on your mood.

You hadn't expected to see someone brazenly flirting with Kai, her hand was wrapped around his upper bicep and she was ever so slightly leaning into him. It wasn't her actions that had tears brimming your eyes but rather his, the lack of effort to move away was what hurt most.

Bonnie’s gaze had moved to the direction that had caught your eye and almost immediately she was waving over a nearby waitress.

“Hi, could we maybe get some takeaway boxes and the bill?” she asked a grateful smile on her face when the waitress nodded and headed behind the register. “Are you okay?”

Tearing your gaze from the scene took a moment, you simply nodded and took a deep breath.

“He can do whatever he wants, I don't care,” you said in an attempt to not only convince Bonnie but also yourself. You were never even dating but the way your heartstrings snapped at the sight made you reconsider just how much the whole affair had affected you.

It took about 5 minutes for both of you to pay, box your food up, and leave. The drive home was significantly quieter than the drive there had been and you cursed both yourself, and Kai, for letting him ruin your time out with a friend.

Honestly, you wanted to curl up in bed and forget that he even existed, the idea of asking one of your friends to compel you to forget the memory crossing your mind at one point.

You dropped Bonnie off with as much reassurance as you could that you would be fine, desperately convincing her that it was nothing and the whole ordeal just caught you off guard. After a while, she seemed convinced and with a warm hug and a promise that she was there if you needed her, she left you alone.

The soft music that played on the radio meant that you almost missed the notification that appeared on your phone. You had just parked up when you checked your phone, your heart skipping a beat when you read over the short message.

kai: are you busy?

Almost every fibre of your being wanted to ignore the message, block his number and move on with your life. But despite any intelligent thought telling you it was a bad idea, you typed out a simple no and sent it before putting your phone down.

Barely a few seconds passed before your phone lit up with another notification, you took a deep breath before picking it up again and reading the message.

kai: can you come over?

Any sensical thought you had left evaporated when you read the message, your body buzzing with dread and excitement at him wanting to talk to you. As if you had no control over your body, you said yes and started the car up again to make the almost habitual drive to his apartment.

The drive there was quicker than you remembered, it might have been due to your racing thoughts that meant you were barely paying attention to the drive, the action almost unconscious.

It seemed as though you were dreaming the whole time until you stood in front of his door. The reality of what you were doing came crashing down onto you and you almost decided to just turn around and go home, the door swinging open in front of you stopped you from doing that.

“Hi,” you breathed out, your heart about to spring from your chest at the speed it was beating.

“Hey, come in,” he said as he moved out of the way of the door, the familiar apartment coming into view.

It was exactly as you remembered, his apartment was dark and moody just as Kai intended it to be and you couldn’t help but let your heart warm at the smell of old books that Kai’s apartment always seemed to smell like.

You turned to face him awaiting whatever reason he has asked you to come over after months of radio silence. The stoic look you presented did not at all mirror the turmoil you felt inside, you'd missed him immensely but prayed he didn’t know it.

“I saw you today, at that diner. I heard you leave and I can guess why you left but uh-” he stumbled over his words; he was never nervous which is why this side of him was such a shock to you. “I’ve missed you.”

The words made your skin erupt in goosebumps and your stomach fill with every type of butterfly. Meeting his eyes made any semblance of the strong facade you had presented crumble and you couldn't help the ways your eyes softened.

“Why?” you asked, your hands curling and uncurling into fists at your side, a presentation of your nerves.

“Why did I miss you? Why wou-” he started before you cut him off.

“No, why did you start acting like I didn’t exist?” you asked, the tremble in your voice evident but you didn't let yourself slip up.

“I was scared,” he stated, his eyes falling to the ground as your eyebrows scrunched and your head tilted ever so slightly. “I’ve never felt like that about anyone in my entire life. I got scared and so I decided it’d be best if I left you alone.”

To any sane person, his logic made no sense, if you felt like you were falling for someone or anything remotely close then you would do anything in your power to keep them around. To Kai, it made perfect sense. He was so scared of hurting you or inevitably not meeting your expectations that he failed to realise that leaving you with no explanation would only hurt you more.

“I thought you hated me,” you mumbled, the words bringing some kind of relief to your mind. Almost instantly, Kai’s head shot up to look at you and began to rapidly shake his head, muttering ‘no’ under his breath whilst taking quick steps towards you.

His warm hands came up to brush your hair from your face before coming to rest on your cheeks. The eyes that met yours were swimming with both hurt and sympathy, he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad for himself when you stood in front of him looking so broken.

“I could never hate you,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.”

Sincerity seeped into his words, the small cracks in his voice as a result of his emotions overwhelming him made it evident he was being truthful. You knew emotions easily overwhelmed him since his merge with Luke, he struggled to deal with them and you had tried to help before he pushed you away.

The genuine show of feelings that flowed between you made you want to pull him close, tell him it was okay and that you forgave him but fear took over. It was impossible to know whether he was prepared to deal with those emotions again or if he would decide to leave the second it got too much.

His eyes scoured yours, searching for any reaction he could work off of, anything that would tell him that you forgave him but he came up empty. His hands were just about to move off you, he was so close to apologising for being a bother and letting you go for good. Until you spoke up.

“I want to try this again, I do,” you started, taking a moment before continuing, “but please don’t leave me again.”

Kai’s heart sunk in a way he’d never felt before, he’d never felt guilt to that extent. He’d done some truly heinous things in his lifetime but nothing made his heart shatter like the despair in your voice.

“I don’t think I could leave you alone again if I tried,” he uttered, a breathy laugh escaping him and both of you knew he was telling the total truth. A sudden warmth filled you, a feeling of solace taking over and you finally allowed yourself to sink into his hold.

One hand slid around the back of your head as you rested against his chest, his other hand slinking to your back and pulling you as close to him as humanly possible. The arms that slinked around his waist brought him comfort that he’d never felt within his lifetime.

Gently, he looked down at you causing you to bring your chin to rest on his chest so you could look up at him. With a soft smile, he leaned down ever so slightly to meet your lips, gracing you with a tender kiss that sent your heart into a frenzy and your mind blank.

He pulled away for a moment, a small smile gracing his lips before he began to place small kisses on your lips again, pulling away for just a second to see the small pout on your face. After doing this for as long as he thought you could take he pulled apart completely.

“Come on,” he mumbled, grabbing your hand and pulling you through his apartment until you reached his bedroom. Effortlessly, he pushed the door open and span you around to push you onto the plush mattress.

Nerves washed over you, the reality that you were actually in Kai’s bedroom, on his bed with him hovering over you suddenly crashed onto you. His hands returned to your waist but he looked over your face for a moment, as if he was reading your thoughts.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern washing over his face at your sudden stillness considering how eager you were to be close to him just moments before.

“Yeah,” you struggled to find the words to describe how you felt so you settled on saying, “it’s just new.”

Kai knew what you meant, sure you’d been close before but him having you in his bed was uncharted territory. He hadn't intended to make you uncomfortable at all, he wanted to show you how much he’d missed you, how sorry he was.

He began to push off of you, suddenly feeling as though he’d pushed your boundaries far too much for one night. Emotions had gotten the better of him and he already felt guilty for dragging you into his bedroom, his mindset on his own desires.

Before he could leave you, warm lips met his once again, dainty fingers pulling at the hairs on the nape of his neck as he settled on top of you once again. No words needed to be said, all of your feelings being expressed through the soft smile he could feel against his lips as you allowed yourself to indulge in him.

Relief washed over him and he finally let the desires free again, any previous hesitations being wiped clean and replaced with the sensations that now overwhelmed him.

One of his arms rested by your head, propping himself up above you whilst the other skimmed across your waist, the light movements pulling at your shirt and revealing your skin.

“Can I?” he mumbled against your lips, his fingers gingerly tracing the bottom of your ridden up shirt. A soft nod from you was all he needed to push the shirt up slowly before eventually pulling it over your head and leaving it to the side.

The eyes that explored the now exposed skin were filled with adoration and lust. “You’re beautiful.”

The words erupted your skin into goosebumps, the lower tone of his voice sent your mind into a haze and the only thoughts you could formulate related to how lucky you were.

A heavy sigh from you pulled Kai from his less than pure thoughts and back to you. He sat up straight, resting on his knees between your thighs and despite being devoured by his eyes in your half-naked form for the last few minutes, you suddenly felt exposed.

As if he could sense your unease he removed his shirt as well, tossing it to the side more haphazardly than he had treated yours. The sight of him hovering over you, the only clothing covering him being his sweatpants, was something you wish you could engrain into your memory and relive on any dark or lonely day.

Your hands unconsciously reached out to grab him, the need to feel him against you taking over. Almost instantly he was hovering about you again, the skin to skin contact making the feeling of lust more intimate.

Your legs hugged his hips in a plea to have him closer, the soft kisses he placed on your exposed neck adding the dreamy state you’d been pushed to. His hands traced the cup of your bra, his hands gliding to your back and unclasping it with no trouble.

Every movement he performed was soft and gentle as if you were made of glass. The fingertips that traced your skin and pulled your bra off your arms were featherlike and left a warm trail across your cold skin.

A light touch to your nipple elicited a sharp intake of breath from you, a sound that made Kai shiver. His hands massaged your breasts carefully, all of his attention on the soft whimpers you made whenever his fingers played or pinched at the sensitive skin around your nipple.

“P-please, more,” you whimpered, pushing your hips into his. The soft graze of you against his crotch caused him to abandon his attack on your neck and his face dug into the crook of your neck, his breathing deep as he attempted to calm himself.

He was back to sitting up straight, between you, his hands grasping at the waistband of your leggings and underwear and pulled them off, the position was awkward and had your legs in the air but Kai managed to do it seamlessly.

With a second, his eyes returned to your face, not leaving even as he tugged his sweatpants down his thighs, leaving them hanging around halfway down as his length slapping up against his stomach before gravity brought it down.

Once again, he returned to you, his cock resting against your exposed pussy and you couldn't stop the soft whimper that escaped you.

Kai’s eyes looked down between the two of you, his heart jumping at the thought that you had allowed him to see you exposed. Almost painfully slowly, he grinned into you, not yet allowing himself to indulge completely but the sight alone had his stomach in knots.

Small mewls of his name returned him to reality and he was on your lips once more. Any soft moans were muffled by his lips, the kiss was soft yet sloppy and you could feel the desperation rolling off the both of you in waves.

The teasing was becoming insufferable and you needed him more than you needed oxygen. “I n-need you.”

The words were mumbled against his lips and he would’ve missed them if he wasn’t so enraptured by the noises you were making. Before you could utter another syllable he has slipped into you, stretching you out to where it was almost painful.

He gave you a few moments to breathe and accommodate him, a consideration that was much appreciated. The air in the room was suffocating and you could only bring yourself to let out shallow breaths in an attempt to keep yourself calm.

It took him a few more moments to move, only gently thrusting as your breathing slowed to the point that he deemed ‘safe’. His movements were cautious, afraid to break you despite you showing him time and time again that you wouldn't be broken so easily, but you enjoyed the loving pace regardless.

You pulled him down ever so slightly, attaching your lips to his neck as he began to build a rhythm to his movements. His cock stroking against your sweet spot with every single thrust, each time it elicited a soft whimper.

The pace sped up as he began to let his desires overwhelm him, his hips slapping against yours in a chase to his end. The hand that rested on your waist slid down your stomach and landed on your clit, rubbing small, soft circles that had you writhing.

He was desperate for you to reach your climax first, knowing that seeing the ecstasy he caused would send him into a high that he could only ever dream of recreating alone. Your face was completely dug into the crook of his neck but he wanted to see you, he had to see you.

Carefully, he pulled away, your head rolling back onto the bed and gave him a full show of your face. The way your eyelids were hooded and your lips puffy, it almost threw him over, but he remained hellbent on you getting there first.

The angle of his hips changed slightly, barely noticeable if it hadn't made the tip of his cock hit your sweet spot with accuracy. The feeling made you let out a small cry, and every thrust after that wound your stomach into a tight knot.

“Kai, K-Kai,” you started before you could finish your sentence the knot unravelled. The feeling overwhelmed you in a way you’d never felt before and you could only feel the way your body buzzed and writhed and the warmth from the man hovering above you.

Watching you quiver and shake beneath him was enough to send Kai over the edge, his body near collapsing on top of you as a guttural groan erupted from him. His hips stuttered inside of you, pleasure clouding his mind and he allowed himself to pump you full of him, feeling the way your walls clenched him and held him in made pulling out feel impossible.

A few moments passed before he slid out of you, his cum spilling out of you as your pussy couldn't hold everything that he had to give. The sight made his mind hazy and his cock twitched, desperate to feel the warmth of your tight pussy again.

He switched his gaze to you, your eyes had fluttered shut and the way you were peacefully sprawled out on his bed made you look ethereal. He stood onto shaky legs, his orgasm knocking the energy out of him and seeing you like that was enough to make his body tremble.

Gently, he picked you up, his arms and carried you to the bathroom, the movement woke you from your daze and you giggled slightly at his affection.

“C’mon, let’s clean you up,” he whispered, scared to break the warm atmosphere. The care he provided you with broke him from his usual character, careful hands traced over you as to not stimulate you any further and he guided you through every action that would require no thought from you anyway.

Finally, he returned you to his bed, pulling the covers up for you and allowing you to settle before joining you. The moment he crawled into bed next to you, you wrapped around him, your head rested on his chest and you wrapped your leg around his waist.

The action, despite being as simple as cuddling, made his heart jump in its cage and he found himself completely and utterly enamoured with you.

Watching you drift off to sleep was never the plan but how could Kai possibly sleep when all he could think about was you?

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hasarjunadoneanythingwrong · 3 years

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The way everyone is so friendly with Karna and not Arjuna is weird to me because lore-wise wasn't it Arjuna who was loved by everyone and Karna everyone was weary of cause he was this weird piebald burnt guy who was always being rude? (I know he didn't mean it it was just no social skills but still he's known for saying things people aren't happy to hear! It's literally a skill!)

yeah its definitely strange. especially because arjuna's whole 'dark side' thing is meant to be...more of a secret? like in his bond profile it mentions he loved his brothers, parents, and people and was loved in return, 'and yet...' which implies that a lot of his problems were something that he did/does his best to conceal from others. so like why do so many of his interactions have this undercurrent of hostility from the other side? like do they know? like he's definitely standoffish, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't explain why other servants don't seem to like him. i feel like i read somewhere that masters can find his personality to be tension inducing despite how passive and butler-like he can be, but i can't find it now, although im sure some of that is due to his reticence to being understood.

AT THE SAME TIME

he's literally never followed through with this stated declaration of killing people who have seen his true face?

we've seen him with two masters- hakuno and ritsuka, and while he sort of just keeps hakuno at arms length the entire time ritsuka basically sees everything and he literally is just like ':( sorry you had to see that' and they work it out. like for as much as they keep harping on about how he'd kill someone who'd try to find out his true nature or DID find out his true nature he's never even threatened us. like. its a defense mechanism.

and then in comparison we have karna, who is SUPPOSED to suffer from foot-in-mouth syndrome, but someone who's supposed to be this sarcastic, snippy warrior who while having people's best interests at heart isn't usually able to express that and usually creates more misunderstandings than he can clear up doesnt often DO that...like why couldn't we have gotten an interlude where we cleared up some issue that he created by accident and couldn't figure out what went wrong? why can't we have him be a bitch now and then? and why does EVERYONE sans arjuna like him, there should be SOME people who are at the very least more hooked up on etiquette or something who feel like he insulted them or something, or are just 'eh' about him. at the very least it seems very strange to tell us arjuna is loved more than karna and then show us the complete opposite.

and ik that some people have said the nezha line is like, they admire arjuna but it really feels like it could go either way? i can see why you'd say that but when you see what they say for karna in comparison it feels much less starstruck. arjuna makes them nervous and they feel (sympathy most likely) for karna like.... :/ ok well why dont u go marry him then.

scathach's comment in e pluribus unum is something else i wanted to bring up and am using this as an excuse to, bc i saw someone mention it was probably more a combination of her teacherly tendencies+ the fact his heart wasn't in what he was doing in america, and I do actually agree with that! its just...we don't ever really get anything to refute her/show IN TEXT that that's what's going on. he does destroy 29 demon pillars at once (SEXY AS HELL I MIGHT ADD) but that's with pashupata, and scahatch is built up as this incredibly big badass who's basically the top dog when it comes to fighting, and her comment does come off as a bit... eh... dismissive? of a guy who's supposed to be one of the best archers in the world? who's been practicing archery since he was a small child? at the very least it would've been nice if we'd gotten a scene later where she DID acknowledge him once he left the celtic side, but i guess that would've been asking too much

TLDR: give me the aeaean sea event NOW dw i want arjuna friend time

#my asks #sorry i used this as an excuse to text dump lol

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goggles-mcgee · 3 years

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Too Late: Gabriel Agreste (commission for miner249er)

Third chapter of @miner249er ‘s commission

Chapter Summary: Gabriel’s thoughts and time at the hospital

Previous Work

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The sterile smell of the air, the beeps of machines and muted conversations were Gabriel Agreste’s new normal and it absolutely killed him. Every move of his body was pain, even blinking seemed to bring him some amount of it, no matter how small. He could hear the TV in his hospital room, he cast it the briefest glance and grimaced when he saw it was the TVi News with Nadja Chamack. At first he paid it no mind but when he heard his name he became more alert. With his good arm he patted around for the remote until he finally felt it and quickly turned up the volume. There was no holding back his growl when he saw Alec Cataldi speaking about the “rumor” of him and Nathalie being Paris’s local villains. His hand twitched with the need to find his phone and call up his lawyers but even he knew how it would look.

Suing Alec Cataldi and TVi Studios off of a rumor? Yeah that would just make things worse. His lawyers had already done so much with making sure that that’s all that stuck was rumors. No one could prove him and Nathalie were Hawkmoth and Mayura but there were so many goddamn “coincidences” that made sure that the rumors would not go away anytime soon. They would haunt him for as long as he lived and that was his fault. He thought akumatizing Marinette Dupain-Cheng was the best thing he had accomplished. In some ways it was, because he just so happened to akumatize Ladybug. He thought he had everything in the bag. Victory had been so close, he could practically taste it on his tongue.

Then she strayed. At first he didn’t notice, it was like every other akuma, she wanted revenge. She said so. So, being a generous person, he allowed her to go after her craved revenge before he asked for the Ladybug and Cat Miraculi. Gabriel never imagined her revenge included him and Nathalie, he had never felt any resentment towards him when they first linked, but then it was like she could shut him out of her mind. Out of her thoughts. Some part of him knew it had to do with all his missing butterflies, but a bigger part was screaming about how close he was to getting what he wanted. They were well and truly blindsided.

The Protector has come in so fast it was almost inhuman, which maybe he should have expected seeing as when he akumatized people he enhanced their abilities while also giving them some kind of power. None of his alarms went off. Nothing suggested danger. Even when Nathalie had gone to check the security cameras and check news coverage to track his akuma, she hadn’t noticed. He certainly couldn’t blame her for what transpired. No, that felt like the universe telling him it was done putting up with his bullshit. Nooroo had always told him that abusing the Miraculous the way he did would come back to him, distantly he would worry about what it meant, he hadn’t expected it to happen so fast.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was to be his masterpiece. He had always sensed her emotions, her anger, her sadness, they were always so strong and held so much potential. Yet, every time he had sent out an akuma for her, her emotions vanished so he would have to find a new target. It had been so infuriating each and every time, and then a miracle happened. Her emotions seemed to be too big to control this time, of course he knew it most likely had to do with Mlle Rossi since she was doing her damndest to convince him she was a negative influence on his son. Of course he pretended to believe every lie she spouted about the girl, there was no ounce of guilt, he just looked forward to the future akuma.

He regretted it. He regretted it so much. Gabriel frowned when he felt a tear fall, he hated feeling weak, always had. Thankfully no one was in the room to witness the rare moment of weakness. He had only cried in front of one person and that had been Emilie, but even she was guarded when she spoke to him now. Not that he didn’t understand her anger at him and Nathalie, but he wished she would forgive him and just be there for him. He needed his wife. Currently though, she was still mad and disappointed at him. He tried to explain that he did everything for her and their family so they could be happy again, but it had ultimately fallen short.

She hadn’t wanted his “excuses,” and really he could understand, or try to. When she awoke it wasn’t to a welcoming she may have expected if she had ever expected one from the beginning, Emilie came back to police tape all over their house and reporters stalking the front for a story like vultures. They pounced and the rumors grew. His missing wife just so happened to stumble out of their house after he and Nathalie were rushed to the hospital. Of course Emilie heard the rumors, when she felt like talking to him she had come and demanded answers and really, there was no way he could lie to her and he hadn’t ever planned to. Gabriel had just never expected to have to tell his wife he had maybe terrorized Paris and fought against a child, maybe two, one of which was quite possibly their own child.

He thought she would leave him, it terrified him, haunted his every waking moment. That thought hurt worse than everything the Protector did to him in the name of justice. Gabriel didn’t want to think anymore so he decided to just tune into the news once more and hope they were past speaking about him. “We have a video of The Protector going into the Agreste Mansion and after a period of time, leaving. Now we don’t know what happened inside but hours later we had you and your team there at the mansion along with other news stations when M Agreste and his assistant Mlle Nathalie Sancoeur were brought out of the mansion on stretchers. Then not long after, in your words,’ a dazed Mme Agreste was spotted coming out of the house.’ That was after the police search!”

Guess he hoped for too much. He groaned and looked away from the screen and resolved to just stare at his heart monitor. He blamed his private nurses for putting the TV on the news because he had no recollection of changing the channel to the news before he had been given his daily dose of morphine and had taken his small nap. Some small part of him told him they did it on purpose, that they knew what Nadja and Alec were going to be reporting on and put the show on purely to annoy and torture him. Even if his team of lawyers made sure no charges could stick to him or Nathalie, the stink of the allegations and rumors lingered.

He could see it in the way other nurses would speed walk past his room. Could see it in the way his bodyguards would flinch when he would speak to them or ask them to do something when they weren’t guarding his door. It was behind the smiles his doctor would give him during his vitals checks. It was carried in the air of the whispers of those who passed and hoped he didn’t hear them speaking. Some didn’t care if he heard and would loudly speak of his villain side full of contempt and poorly held anger. He saw it in the way the hospital wing counselor, yes each wing had a counselor apparently, would leave a pamphlet about their group therapy. Not just any group therapy, akuma victims, whether it be turned into akumas or directly targeted by akumas, you were encouraged to join. Since he and Nathalie were “for some odd reason” targeted by the Protector even when they said it was a random attack not done by the akuma, they were heavily encouraged to join in. Even if it meant they had to be wheeled in on wheelchairs.

Gabriel did not need that. He absolutely did not. There was no way he was going to sit in a room full of people he had akumatized and listen to how he ruined their lives. He had an imagination, he had a pretty good idea how royally he screwed up. Though he hadn’t known it at first, he hadn’t even thought of it when Nathalie and him were on their way to the hospital. Pain wasn’t on his mind, no, it was anger. He had been furious that his plan had backfired so spectacularly, and he immediately started planning on revenge. There was no realization, there was no sympathy, not until he heard the news. When the police had been investigating his house for any signs of the “intruder” Emilie had stumbled out from the “basement.”

It was then and only then that Gabriel realized what he had done. Everything he had done, terrorizing-because really, that is what he did-Paris, made everyone live in a constant state of emotional staleness that was now exploding in uncontrolled fits of tears and yelling, and what for? Absolutely nothing. Emilie hadn’t needed him to go on some crazed vengeful mission like he had believed. There was no need for him to don the Butterfly Brooch and be the “madman” everyone knew as Hawkmoth. The name they still whispered about whether consciously or subconsciously when having a breakdown or feeling even the slightest bit upset. There was no need for him to involve Nathalie and make her wear the very same damaged Miraculous that he believed had taken his wife from him. Yet he did. His assistant, no, his dear friend was paying that price now because of him.

Nathalie. He hadn’t even seen her since their admittance into the hospital. Of course he asked how she was doing but doctors were vague and nurses were worse because they would change the subject or stay quiet and you knew. You knew the person you asked about wasn’t doing as well as you had hoped. Distantly he knew what he was doing to everyone in Paris, he somewhat acknowledged the damage he had done but nothing prepared him for the guilt that ate at him for what had happened to Nathalie. It would seem as though Emilie held some ill will towards him because of it as well. When she came and he asked how she was doing, his wife would only respond with, “How do you think Gabriel?” and nothing else. Gabriel desperately wanted to know but it was like everyone in the hospital made some odd pact to never inform him and it was driving him mad. He had just wanted his wife back. His old life back.

Now he had a wife back who, while still staying with him was determined to show him how wrong he had been. Gabriel didn’t know what part of everything she was more mad at (maybe it was the emotionally distancing himself from their only child and leaving said child to fend for himself in a social world that he knew nothing about) but he would do anything to make her happy. Though she was not letting him in, she was there physically but she had closed herself off emotionally at the moment and really, could Gabriel blame her? No but that didn’t make the heartache hurt any less when she wouldn’t smile at him, when she would only come for an hour or two at most instead of the full visiting hours like she once did when he had been in a car crash when they first married. She had visited everyday and had snuck in his favorite snacks because she knew he hated the hospital food.

When she visited she brought him pastries from Tom & Sabine’s and every time it was like more salt added to his wounds. Like she was doing it on purpose to punish him in her own little ways. Emilie would still sit by his side and hold his hand, but her smile was fake, it was fake coming in and it was fake leaving, and the hand around his heart would grip harder the more he saw it. She would of course be visiting today and though Gabriel always loved to see her, he didn’t know if he could handle her emotionless smiles. Not when his pain was throbbing both physically and emotionally. Usually he could ignore the looks, the whispers, and just about everything else, but today he felt unnaturally raw.

“Oh you’re awake. Good afternoon.” That was Emilie’s voice.

Gabriel turned and saw her standing in the doorway. “Hello Love.” He winced at how hoarse his voice sounded.

Immediately Emilie went to his side table and poured him a cup of water which he gratefully took. “You always seem so surprised when I come. I come everyday Gabriel.”

“Well...It’s just you don’t seem like you want to be here is all. Not that I can blame you but…”

Quiet. He hated when she was quiet. Then she sighed. “It’s not that I don’t Gabriel. I’m just...I’m just so mad. I’m mad that you’re hurt, but I know it’s your fault that you’re hurt in the first place. I’m mad that it’s your fault! I’m mad that you left our son emotionally. I’m mad you got Nathalie involved! But I don’t want to be mad Gabriel. It feels bad to be mad right now because I know you’re in pain. But I also know you. And I know you’re not completely sorry about what you’ve done.”

“Emilie! I am sorry, I really am!” He cried.

“I need more convincing than you just saying it. I’ve been thinking about it and I want you to go to that akuma therapy they have here. Then...and only then do I think we can begin to heal.” She said with such finality that Gabriel had to swallow. It was absolutely the last thing he wanted to do, but he knew Emilie wouldn’t budge, all he could do was nod.

“Thank you,” she murmured, “I know it won’t be easy, but I think this will be good for you, for us.”

“You might be the only one who thinks so.”

“Adrien thinks so too.”

“You’ve spoken to him?” Gabriel asked, and maybe it was a bit desperate but his son hadn’t visited him once.

“Yes. He’s not ready to see you yet…” Emilie admitted as she looked down at her hands. “He barely started visiting Nathalie.”

He had visited Nathalie!? But not him. Not his father. No he couldn’t be mad at him, not after everything he put his son through, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt. That didn’t mean he wasn’t blinking back tears. His own son didn’t want to see him. God, what did that say about him? About everything? Nothing good if he put thought into it so he resolved to do the opposite and just avoid the thoughts until they took him by surprise. If he thought Emilie’s anger was bad, he could only imagine Adrien’s, he had never seen his son mad. He had never allowed him the pleasure of emotions before, and seeing how everyone’s little emotions resulted in meltdowns, he feared what his son’s repressed emotions would look like.

And really Adrien had a lot to be angry about. Number 1 being that he was Chat Noir, part of Paris’s dynamic superhero duo, and his father was Hawkmoth the villain he was fighting and had to stop. Yeah, there was much to be mad about. “How is he?” He settled on asking.

“I’m not going to lie to you Gabriel, he’s not okay. Our baby is hurting,” the because of you was implied but unsaid, “his friend is still missing, his friends are all having mental episodes over some Lila girl and everything that has gone down, and he is still having to deal with the fact that people talk. Plus I mean it’s not everyday you find out your dad is a supervillain, one you were supposedly fighting.”

He couldn’t hold back the wince. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”

“Honestly? I don’t know Honey,” even though his heart sang at the term of endearment it also broke a bit, “I want to say yes, but I just don’t know.”

“We’ll just have to see I suppose. You should go check on Nathalie, Dear. I am feeling tired,” it was a lie, or was it? He was exhausted but whether that be because of his body being in pain or because his emotions were everywhere was anyone’s guess. “I’ll see you tomorrow though yes?”

“Yes. Yes of course. I’ll bring some Eiffel Apple Bon Bons, I know you probably haven’t had any in a while.” She still remembered his favorite candies.

“That would be lovely, thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too Gabriel. We’ll...We’ll get through this.” Will we? He watched as she walked out and even after that just stared at the door. He was really going to go to that akuma therapy...for the first time in a long time, Gabriel was scared. Scared if everyone would whisper or would they make the animosity toward him known? But the thing he was the most terrified of? He was terrified of what he would hear there in the group therapy. He didn’t know if he would be strong enough to listen.

The TV ripped him from his thoughts and he almost gave it thanks. “I don’t think I have to remind everyone just what Hawkmoth has done to this great city, to its people. From babies to the elderly, from the smallest of things to the most emotional moments of our lives, they have all been prey to him. One has to wonder if he had a heart at all. And if he did, I have to ask, was it worth it? Was it worth it Hawkmoth? This has been Alec Cataldi.”

“And Nadja Chamack.”

“And we are signing off, see you next time Paris.” The two hosts said in unison.

Almost.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #ml salt #gabriel agreste #emilie agreste #nathalie sancoeur #nadja chamack #alec cataldi #gabriel agreste salt #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #angsty thoughts for Gabriel #revolt of the akuma #goggles commission #gabriel has to face consequences like an adult #and he no likey

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vanderlindemorgans · 3 years

Text

Mr. Perfectly Fine

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader

Word count: 5.2k

Summary: Two weeks after breaking up with you, you're picking up the pieces of your heart that had been broken by your now ex-boyfriend Javier Peña. You want answers, a clear reason as to why things fell apart. The only problem is that Javier refuses to even acknowledge your existence

Warnings: A little bit of period-typical sexism, but not much, Javier being an asshole, mentions of prostitution, some low level typical Narcos themes

Authors Note: So this idea has been swimming around in my head ever since the song was released last week. I already had a Bad Breakup fic for Javi planned but I’ve decided to extend it into three parts! Also reader speaks in English bc I do not understand a word of Spanish other than that one line in Ultraviolence. None of this is beta read, so there’s bound to be a few mistakes - if I get anything really wrong then let me know.

Part 2 | MASTERLIST

The tension in the room was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. From the moment someone walked in they could feel it, the stifling air of awkwardness surrounding every single person in the room as they pretended to carry on with their work, averting their eyes to the spectacle presented in front of them, a war of agitation rife between two agents sitting across the room from each other as well as the unfortunate Steve Murphy who just happened to sit between you two. From your end it was simple silent fury, directed right across the room to where your partner, or rather, ex-partner, Javier Peña was seated at his own desk, casually leafing through mountains of paperwork and suspect photos as if you weren’t practically shooting daggers at him from across the way.

He wasn’t doing anything, and that was exactly the problem - you wanted him to do something, say something, anything, if only it would show that he even gave a damn about the situation at all. But he never did. Every morning when he walked into work carrying a black coffee in his hands, his top shirt buttons hanging loose as they always seemed to be and his hair mustled as if he hadn’t been sleeping properly, he said nothing. He walked past you as if you weren’t even there, ignoring your stares and crashing down at his desk, ready to continue the endless chase for Pablo Escobar. And it infuriated you. Oh lord, how it made you burn. With every refusal of acknowledgement he gave, you became even more tempted to march right over to him and strike him across his stupid handsome face. You never did, of course, and you never would. Physical confrontation just wasn’t your style. Nevertheless, the mere thought of such did bring you a small bit of joy to your broken little soul.

Things had been going like this for two weeks now. You hadn’t expected much on the first morning back in the office after what had happened between you. A part of you wanted him to come grovelling to you, insisting that he’d made a mistake and begging for you to take him back. That in itself was nothing more than a fantasy: Javier Peña was too proud to grovel. If anything, his behaviour shouldn’t have surprised you in the slightest. He was the one who broke up with you over a 27 second phone call, after all.

Despite taking that into consideration, you thought by now you would have heard something from him. He’d have to talk to you eventually since you two were working the same case. Apparently no, because it appeared that he went out of his way to deliver every piece of correspondence meant for you through to Murphy, letting him act as a sort of unwilling middle man between the two of you. You knew that Steve already felt awkward enough having to be in the same room with the two of you whilst this was all going on, so your sympathy for him deepened when he was thrust into the even more awkward position of messenger. Sometimes you swore he made up fake meetings with Messina to attend to or new leads to investigate just so he could get away from the suffocating air of hate around you and Javi. And really, who could blame him?

You felt your nose twitch in annoyance as you trained your eyes forward to him, periodically looking down at various files of intel to keep up the facade that you were indeed working, though you eyes were across the room for most of the time, searching for any sign of emotion on his face. Nothing, zilch, not a single trace, his expression only showcasing general indifference, as if nothing were wrong at all. You gripped your hand tightly around the edge of your pen, thinking of everything you wished you could say to him. How’s your heart after breaking mine, Javi? For your information, ever since you pulled that bullshit on the phone, I’ve been miserable as all fucking hell. Before all that happened, I wanted to try. I was even ready to try to forgive you after that stupid fight, but you just had to make that call. You know what? I’d actually hate you less if you just acted like you cared a little that we broke up. But noooo, you’re just Mr. Perfectly Fine, what with your ignoring me and your casual cruelty, your always showing up at just the right time, and your insincerity, and the way you think everything fucking revolves around you. Well, I’ll tell you something Javi - I’m done! Absolutely done with you and your shit. Jump off a cliff for all I care!

“I’ll be back later on, gonna go follow up on a few leads” your thoughts were cut off by Javier’s abrupt announcement, your eyes gracing themselves upwards to watch him hastily scoop his jacket off the back of his chair and skulk his way out of the office. Every bitter word you wanted to say to him burned on your tongue, though you only managed to settle on a simple yet seething glare while his eyes glazed over you, rushing himself out of the room as quickly as humanly possible. You noticed Murphy look over his shoulder like he was about to say something but it was too late - Javi was already long gone.

_______

Letting out a low groan of frustration, you slammed the door to your car shut and threw your head back against the seats headrest, the stress of the job and the emotional weight of the day combining to make you even more tired than you would usually be at the end of a long day. Javier hadn’t been back to the office since he left, leaving both you and Murphy to pick up all the work he’d left in his absence. If that wasn’t infuriating enough, the thought of him running around all of Bogotá just to avoid seeing you brought your anger to new unreachable heights. It was annoying - him not being around should have left your mind to be free to do some actual goddamn work but instead, just as before, every single moment he occupied your mind, living there permanently as if it were his right. How much more infuriating could that man get?

Thankfully, the drive home wasn’t any more of a nuisance than usual, since the apartment complex you shared with the others wasn’t that far from the embassy, so that was a small positive at the very least. Once you’d pulled up to the lot you were feeling a lot more level-headed than you did before, and were mainly looking forward to kicking back in pajamas and watching whatever was on TV with the leftover pizza from the night before. It wouldn’t do much to take your mind off everything with Javi, though, you knew that much. Still, a small bit of bliss was still bliss.

Your apartment was down the hall from Javier’s, which had made it easier for you two when you were together but now felt like another sore reminder of what had been. Sighing heavily to yourself, you kicked the door to your car shut and stuffed the keys into the pocket of your jeans. A minor annoyance, sure, nothing you couldn’t handle though. You wondered if he would even be back right now. He had to be, right? An idea started to creep into your head at that thought, taking root and festering until you had practically talked yourself into doing it already, descending up the stairs with a sense of purpose behind you. Maybe if you showed up on his doorstep you could force him to confront you, make him look you in the eye. Any sort of acknowledgement to what you two had would be nice at this point, and if you had to take action yourself to get him to do it, then so be it.

The closer you got to his door the more you felt you should turn back, a feeling of uneasiness beginning to form somewhere deep in your chest. This might be a bad idea. What if you two got into a fight again? As much as you wanted nothing more than to hurl some carefully crafted insults at Javi and his stupid gorgeous face, you weren’t exactly up for a full on battle that could result from it. Would it be better to simply go home and ignore your problems a little more?

Once you were only inches from the door was when you started to hear it. At first it sounded muffled, on account of the fact that there was a physical barrier between you and them, and you weren’t quite sure exactly what you heard at first but when you pressed yourself closer to the door you could hear it all clear as day - a woman moaning loudly on the other side, whimpering out Javi’s name and betraying exactly what was going on within the walls of the apartment. You felt your breath hitch in your chest, the world feeling like it was collapsing around you from the very second you realised why he had left early for the day. Unable to stop yourself, you tore yourself away from the apartment door and ran down the hall to your own place, tears falling at a rapid pace that refused to stop. You didn’t know if the woman in there was an informant, or a prostitute, or some random chick he’d picked up in a bar after ditching work for the day. In the end none of it mattered though. All that mattered is that it wasn’t you in there with him, like it used to be, like it should be, and that fact made you hurt all the more fiercely.

Fumbling with the keys to your apartment, you choked on a low sob working your way through the waterfall of tears in your eyes to try and wrestle the key into the lock. Through your haste, you accidentally let them fall loose from your palms and onto the ground, prompting a loud “fuck!” to ring out from your throat, loud enough for everyone in the neighboring apartments to hear. Not like you really cared about that, to be honest. With your hands shaking, you finally managed to throw the door to your apartment open, slamming it back closed with a thud and leaning back against it with your head in your hands, slowly descending to the ground to finally give in to the wave of sorrow threatening to claim you.

You’d known his reputation before you started seeing each other, that he slept with all his informants and chased every woman who crossed his path in Colombia. Actually, it had made you hesitant to get involved with him in the first place but once you two had bitten the bullet and finally admitted your damn feelings for each other, Javier had ceased with his wild ways, becoming solely dedicated to you and you alone. And sure, you two weren’t together anymore, there wasn’t anything stopping him from being with other women. It felt like a deeper twist of the knife though, what you’d heard from behind that door, and it practically confirmed the sickening feeling that had been building in you since the first day back in the office after your breakup, when Javi refused to even look you in the eye and acted as if you’d vanished off the face of the planet. He doesn’t care about me anymore.

Moving on had been that much easier for him. While it took everything in you to get up each day, he was doing absolutely ok. More than ok, if the sounds coming from his apartment were anything to go by. He was even already settling back into his old reputation. You should’ve known it was too good to be true - the manwhore of the DEA, Javier Peña actually wanting to settle down with one woman, actually caring about a girl beyond what she could be in bed. You remembered the raised eyebrows when you two had first gotten together: for most, it just seemed so out of nowhere. You’d ignored them all, remembering all the times you’d be tangled up with Javi on the couch, his head nestled into your neck while your heart raced a mile a minute, hearing every sweet nothing and praise he’d whisper to you. Stupid girl, you should’ve known.

_______

After such a huge revelation, you thought things might’ve changed. In what way they would, you didn’t really know. Maybe the change would be sudden, such as you finally working up enough of a resolve to actually go confront Javier on his shit. Or maybe you’d take a leaf out of his book and start trying to seem like nothing was wrong at all, maybe go out on a few dates with some other guys. One of the Search Bloc guys had been eyeing you up every time he came over with Carillo to talk strategy, maybe you could go out with him. Though you knew it wouldn’t help - unlike Javier, who was actually more than happy with where you two had left things, you weren’t, and acting like it was just to throw it in his face wasn’t really going to work if he didn’t care enough to look over at you in the first place. And even then, the idea of falling into bed with some random man that you didn’t care for all that much in the name of moving on didn’t seem right to you.

Nevertheless, you expected some form of change to happen the morning after when you came into work to see Javier sitting at his desk, on the phone to someone you couldn’t care less about. But nope. Nothing had changed. You sat down and stared across the room at him, just like you’d done every day for the past two weeks, and he ignored your stare to continue with writing something down on his notepad, just like usual.

Maybe the change would be gradual, you thought, staring back over at the man in the midst of your ire with one of your coldest glares. And sure enough, around midday Steve had come up to you asking to retrieve something from the evidence room for him. Apparently he needed to look over something but was too busy with his own work to go fetch it - you knew on some level that his excuse was bullshit as it had been a pretty slow day for all of you but sure, whatever, if it got you out of that room and away from Javi for at least a few blissful moments that was fine by you.

Reaching out for the door to the evidence room, you pushed it open and admitted yourself into the crowded space, twisting around to slam the door shut firmly behind you. Before you were rows of shelves containing every bit of evidence the DEA had accumulated against Escobar - there wasn’t as much as there probably should have been due to the fire that had broken out at the Palace of Justice years before yet the amount contained in that small room was still impressive in size. Moving between the shelves, you scanned the rows of boxes looking for the one Steve had asked for in particular, taking your time with it as there was a small sense of serenity to being in that room. For once it felt like you could breathe. You didn’t have to sit at a desk across from your ex, you didn’t have to go home to your apartment that was literally across the hall from his, you could be alone and not feel suffocated by his ever-present shadow over your life. Though, in some way you supposed, your own memories could still prove just as suffocating as Javier’s own godforsaken presence.

As if by thinking of him you’d magically summoned him, the man himself strode through the door to the evidence room, appearing to be in quite a hurry however once he noticed you were there he stopped, his eyes widening for a fraction of a second before returning to their usual stoic glare. You could barely contain your own disappointment at his sudden appearance, letting your face twist into a low scowl as you watched him walk down the aisle you were standing in, his eyes dashing from row to row searching for any place to look so they could avoid landing on you. Anger bubbled within you, a thousand different sarcastic or otherwise snarky remarks coming to mind that you could throw out at him, every one of them becoming increasingly more scathing the more you thought about it. Letting out a small sigh, you forced yourself to push all those delightful insults to the back of your mind, not wanting to become caught up in any more personal drama than you had to. Get the box and go. It’s that simple. There doesn’t need to be anymore to this.

A minute later your eyes landed on the fabled box you’d been searching for, shoved into a corner and so out of the way you almost missed it completely. You thought of asking Steve what was in the box that he needed so bad when out of nowhere you heard a familiar voice speak up from behind you.

“Listen, I...about what happened on the phone a few weeks ago-”.

So, it seems Mr. Perfectly Fine has finally decided to break his silence. In an instant you twisted yourself around to face him, quickly taking in his serious expression and stiff stature before your eyes met for the first time in two weeks.“Oh, so you’ve finally decided to speak to me now? That’s a first. I thought you were steadfast gonna ignore me for the rest of my life” you spat, not allowing him any form of politeness or decorum in your reply. Why should you? He’d ignored you for weeks. He deserved this.

You watched as Javier tensed at your words, clearly not expecting the bite back that you had given to him. There was some part of his expression that almost looked sheepish in a way, as if he wasn’t quite sure if he really wanted this conversation to happen at all. “I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just-” he started with you rolling your eyes and cutting in almost immediately. “Save it for someone who actually gives a shit. Shouldn’t be hard since you don’t seem to care all too much yourself” you snarled, an action which only made him even more tense.

“I do care, and I kind of always have fucking cared so if you could calm down a little and stop getting yourself worked up we can actually talk about what happened. Can you do that for me at the bare minimum?” he retorted, a harsh edge appearing in his tone that indicated he was already becoming frustrated with your attitude. You knew Javi’s emotions like the back of your hand - he wasn’t a patient man, and he had no time for snark or sarcasm, though only if it was directed at him. When it came to himself, he was more than happy to indulge in a small bit of pettiness. You didn’t much care at that moment though: as far as you were concerned, he lost the right to a civilised discussion when he broke up with you over the phone and then pretended you were invisible for weeks. It’s not like things can get any worse than they are now, right?

“Oh, sure, sure, we can totally talk. How about I start then?” you fired back, every word simmering with venom and dripping raw with sarcastic edge. Crossing your arms, you leaned back against the shelf to take him in, from the creases in his tie to his tired eyes staring straight into you. Wait, tired? You didn’t realise it until then but he had been looking pretty tired lately, almost like he hadn’t been getting enough sleep. Then again, his sleep schedule had never been quite stellar, so that wasn’t totally out of the ordinary. And he was probably up all night with that woman I heard him with, you reminded yourself bitterly. “Look at you, so dignified in your well pressed suit, so smug and self-involved, so far above me in every way, so far above that you won’t even look me in the eye or acknowledge my presence. Tell me, Javier, has it really been that easy to forget about me?” you taunted. “Though I supposed when you’re seducing every whore in Colombia into your bed it would be easy, wouldn’t it?”.

Javier was caught off guard by your remark, not anticipating that you would go so far as to accuse him of returning to his old ways. “First of all, she was an informant, and I had to leave yesterday to go meet up with her. Things ran into overtime and that’s the reason I wasn’t back. I thought you of all people understood that gathering intel is a vital part to the fight against Escobar?” he replied, that last line at the end being delivered with only a little more underlying snip than the rest yet it was more than enough for you to feel around thirty percent more pissed at him.

You scoffed at his lies, your lip curling into a snarl at his attempt at patronising you. “Don’t patronise me. I’m well aware of the ins and outs of this job, in case you’ve forgotten I’ve been working with the DEA for eight years now, which is why I’m calling bullshit on your pathetic excuse for a lie. You do realise we live in the same building right? I know you were doing more than having a friendly discussion with her in there, in fact, I quite literally heard you two through the goddamn walls on my way back home. And before you try to spin some shit about how it was necessary for the case, you and I both know that fucking the informant isn’t a standard part of procedure. You don’t see Murphy bedding any of his sources of intel, do you?”.

“Murphy’s married, princesa” he deadpanned, throwing in that little nickname he had for you that two weeks ago would have made your heart flutter but at this time and in the context he used it only soured your mood further. “That’s besides the point. You’ve been acting like I never even mattered to you at all, and it’s honestly making me wonder if I ever did? Especially since I apparently didn’t deserve the dignity of a proper breakup and got a 27 second phone call instead. Tell me, when did you change your mind? I thought I was supposed to be the one you were waiting for all your life. Guess that was pretty easy to change, wasn’t it?” you snapped.

“Hermosa, can you just fucking listen for one minute?! God, you’re impossible sometimes” Javier shouted, that infamous temper of his rising towards the surface at a rapid rate. It was only a matter of time before he spat something out that he would no doubt regret. In your own haze of anger though, that fact didn’t register with you at all - you only saw red. If you had to scream back at him to finally pull some answers out of the man, then so fucking be it.

“No, how about you listen for once! I know we had that big fight but we could have just talked. The next day when you called me up I was ready to forgive you for being a complete ass. And what did I get instead? ‘I’m sorry, I think we should stop seeing each other’ and a dead dial tone after that. I can tell the only reason you’re apologising today is just so you don’t have to feel like the bad guy in all of this. So what’s the truth? Why were you so ready to throw away a whole relationship over one night of terse words?” you screamed, not caring that you two were at work and anyone could pass by outside and hear you two argue. With the way you both were shouting, you wouldn’t be surprised if the entire building could hear your screaming match with Javier. None of that mattered to you though. The only thing that mattered was the truth.

You weren’t the only one refusing to hold back in any of this: any lingering spark of politeness had vanished in Javi, his eyes turning dark with searing anger you had only seen in him a couple of times before. “You want to know why? You want to fucking know why? It’s because you’re a fucking pain to deal with. You may be a fantastic agent but god you can be so stupid sometimes. You’re too reckless, you throw yourself into danger too willingly with no consideration for anyone else. Did you ever stop to think what would happen to the people who cared about you if you died? Do you even give a shit about the people trying to protect you?” he confessed, fury burning with every word that came out of his mouth, his admittance making you flinch. It was just like he said during your last fight, the one that led to him dumping you in the first place.

Everything he said from that night came rushing back to you, remembering how furious he’d been at you for what had happened during your last raid together. You could see that underneath it all he was concerned for your safety, a gesture that was usually sweet but frustrated you that night as you felt something more akin to a porcelain doll than a capable agent in his eyes. Just because I’m your girlfriend, doesn’t mean you can treat me like I need to be protected. I can handle myself just fine. That was what you’d said to him that night, which should have been the end of it but somehow as the argument went on things got more and more heated that by the time he’d stormed out of your apartment neither of you could remember what had started it all.

What took you by surprise was that apparently he was still stewing about this, for some reason not wanting to believe in your capabilities as an agent and that alone made you more pissed at him. “I don’t need to be protected, Javier. I’m a woman, a DEA agent for crying out loud, not a flower! I’m more than capable of handling myself, I was literally trained for this! Nobody else here seems to have a problem with how I approach things so maybe the issue isn’t my method of attack but the fact that you’re a paranoid asshole?”.

He raised a single eyebrow back at you, looking somewhat skeptical of your claim but more so angry that somehow you two had managed to circle back around to the very thing that had started this whole mess.“Really? Because our last raid you were throwing yourself into the fray as if it were a suicide mission. It was a miracle you only ended up with a minor sprain to the wrist. Those men, the sicario’s, they don’t fucking hold back, one wrong mistake means the difference between life and death” he snapped.“And you know what? After constantly stressing over your safety every minute I was done. If you wanna end up with a bullet between your eyes, be my guest”.

The second those words slipped from his lips, he knew he’d fucked up. As the tears started to form in your eyes you could see him freeze up, his burning temper that had caused him to be so hateful before starting to slowly seep back, replaced with remorse and a hint of panic if you squinted. Although that didn’t matter much right now - his venomous words were rattling around in your brain, acting as a metaphorical hammer that took the final swing towards your damaged heart. Apparently what you heard through the walls the night before hadn’t been enough to break you completely, since there was still enough left of your heart for the rest of it to be shattered by his callous cruelty.

Forcefully swallowing down your cries, you wanted so badly to disappear from the room. You wanted to melt into the floor, to run away and go find one of Escobar’s men and gloat about all you’d done to try to stop him so you could feel the mercy of a fatal gunshot wound to the head. All the pain you had felt previously paled in comparison to the knife that cut you then, the tight feeling of your throat closing with every word you forced out. “So you were lying. You don’t care about me at all. You...you think I’m stupid. And reckless. And...not able to handle being here…”.

“Shit, princesa, that’s not what I meant, I-” Javier started, desperately scrambling to fix the mess he’d caused, however, you weren’t going to let him. He’d made his bed, now he had to lie in it. Any hope he might have had of making things right was now thrown straight out the window. No more chances. Not anymore.

“I think that’s exactly what you meant, Javi. Well, you got your wish I guess. I’ll get out of your life for good” your voice wobbled as you spoke, the next few minutes becoming a blur from when you’d pushed past him and ran out of the evidence room, hearing him call your name behind and not bothering to turn back to face him, running through the halls past different agents and members of the DEA, your hand shielding yourself in a pathetic attempt to save face. Somehow you’d managed to make it out to your car, throwing yourself into the driver's seat and jamming the keys into the ignition, your mind going in a million different directions. Your first thought was to go back home, though you knew that you’d have to hear Javi come back later, probably with yet another woman he picked up. You didn’t exactly have any friends in Colombia - with your line of work there hadn’t been exactly a lot of time to sit around and mingle with people, and truth be told you wanted to avoid people at all costs right then. Without any idea as to where you might be going, or what you were going to do, you pulled your car out of the parking lot and slammed on the gas to get you out of there, the world surrounding you not registering to you anymore and every sound becoming a rush against your ears that you paid no mind to.

One thing was for sure - you weren’t going to give Javier a single drop more of you. Your time, your mind, your energy, your tears, nothing. He’d already proved himself to be a lying sack of shit who didn’t care about you, so as it stood, you wouldn’t care about him either. Like the end of a tragic tale, everything had crashed and burned, and now that you thought about it more, maybe that was how things needed to be.

Goodbye, Mr Perfectly Fine. I’ve been Miss Misery for the last time.

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