many people who use typology have never engaged with reality and it shows. Let me go through the two main, sadly very common mentalities which expose you as a retard who doesn't understand the real world.

"you cant develop your blindspot." Whether you can or can't develop the ability to properly give a shit about your blindspot... life is going to force you to at least pretend you care about your blindspot and fake it til you make it. otherwise you literally die. People are forced by the world to either enact their blindspot to survive (causing dumb typologers to mistype ppl as their blindspot), or perish. This especially applies if your blindspot is soc or sp. sp-blinds have to pay the bills, clean their rooms and develop a stable routine that nurtures their bodies and souls, despite their apathy towards their financial status and their personal comforts. soc-blinds have to sell a social image of themselves to get a job and then further develop an image as someone reliable if they want to get better pay, despite their apathy towards their social status. there is something in all our lives which demands us to engage our blindspot and if we dont step up, we lose at life.

"Socs are nice and groupthinky and soc blinds are mean and edgy and individualistic" shows me you're sp-blind, probably a 4 and/or 5 fix obsessed with your wet dream of how much more individualistic than thou you are too. if you think soc-blind is about being mean, you don't understand the slightest thing about what an sp-haver and a soc-blind actually thinks. I question if anyone who thinks this way has ever actually tried to provide for themselves in the sp way. sp is about AVOIDING risks and staying stable. To hold down a job and be economically stable in the safest way possible -- what sp is about -- the method is to be to be fucking nice to people and keep your head down so that you aren't deemed Bad For Corporate Image and cut off from your stream of income. to maintain your sp comforts rather than deal with the DANGER (thing sp avoids) of them being threatened, you have to not piss people off. It baffles me that so called sp-havers don't know this and go around assuming that anyone who is kind and bearable must be some sort of soc. the concept of "being nice to avoid conflict and protect myself" is foreign to these so-called sp-havers, which reeks of sp-blindness. Sp-dom is always aware of threats to their sp needs and doesn't want to drag needless conflict into their lives that could risk their financial stability and comfy routines. Sp-doms are those people who fearfully and resentfully keep their social media image as plain and as milquetoast as possible, so that their corporate job doesn't fire them. Yes even sp/sx does this, tho we struggle to tame ourselves more than sp/so because of the explosiveness of sx... we still do it. I have kept my internet rage anonymous for years and am only just decompartmentalizing my life and developing the courage to be myself on the internet with my true face because I feared losing my job over it, for years. Sp is about this soulless pragmatism. It is aligned with type 6 (soc is aligned with type 3 and sx is aligned with type 9), so even if you're not a 6 or 6 fix, having sp will add 6-like traits to you. the wimpiness and cowardice of sp (gotta keep my head down so my employers keep paying me!) applies to ppl even if they are assertive types... The only conflict sp-doms will engage in is around their resources, and in modern society the best way to get resources is almost never conflict, it is through (unfortunately) keeping your head down and shutting up so that you are hireable. almost ALL sp-doms know this. so they train themselves to be nice, and will seldom be cunts. because it is most safe + profitable to be nice. it is low risk to be nice. so sp-doms like being nice. yes we will be grumpy and low energy if you fuck with our routines and other sp things. but we are fundamentally NOT edgy (at least compared to our sx and soc siblings of the same enneatype) because starting conflict is risky and thats the antithesis of sp. Soc is the instinct about status and showing off and shining your image to the world. Socs all have 3-like traits even if they don't have any 3 in their enneatype. they are the ones who enjoy engaging in social drama and being socially mean and petty, because this is an avenue to attain status and peacock your social role in the community and define who you are to others. This trait can be used for better or worse.

Projecting desire and sx

Why yearning for intensity actually proves you're sx-blind

We're all familiar with the usual descriptions of the sx-dom or rather SX Subtype. It describes an individual preoccupied with finding highs within people, seeking out the intimate and intense to then finally merge with their partner of choosing. Its wishing for psychological nudity and to be indistinguishable from the person you desire.

What if I told you that this is all wrong? Or rather, terribly worded.

Its not all wrong, some of this does characterize sx to an extent, but only a very specific kind. The sx-overfocus. This is due to the fact that most authors attempting to relate to sx-doms failed miserably and were only able to comprehend them through their own sx-blind lense, even mistyping themselves as sx in the process.

The sx-overfocus happens to sx-blinds when their wish to connect through soc is unsuccessful. They feel abandoned, ignored, just not seen. So when they're disgruntled with the people around them and deem them all superficial, yearning for someone or somebody real that actually cares, and to then merge with them. Its an overwhelming desire to live beneath somebody's skin, breathe their air and be one with them.

Its a reaction to their own overstepping of their sp, their boundaries, their privacy, their own protected energy and relationship to themselves. The more they open up the more vulnerable and exposed they feel. The sensation feels addicting, scary, new, overwhelming, and ultimately leads to obsession.

They mistake vulnerability as intensity. And thats the misconception surrounding sx.

In later stages, there's a level of discomfort surrounding the interaction, their own anger at their boundaries being overstepped turns into desire to own another and regain their sense of self. Regain the boundary that was ultimately lost within the other and thats why they believe they can only be whole through merging. Its ultimately an attempt to regain control of their autonomy. You're projecting all of your desire, wishes and needs on somebody.

Through media and culture, our idea of love has become the overstepping of one's personhood and "perfect unity", to compromise yourself, this has become a cultural ideal. Something individuals feel they need to seek out, because vulnerability is only reserved for romantic intimate partners. If you're a romantic, its a high chance you're sx-blind. Essentially its a romantized version of something inherently toxic, but accepted by society which they've picked up through soc. That's why, the popular idea and overall understanding of sx is tainted by this and leads to mistyping.

So ..what exactly is sx?

I'll write that post eventually

a silver bullet

I think part of the reason why I love Eidolon so much is that he's heads and shoulders over everyone else - for nothing.

“Because reducing the restrictions that are in place only gives us a power that has less restrictions, when we need powers with none.  We needed to luck into a formula that had an applicable power as well as a whole, untainted foreign power within, and we needed it in a vehicle we could use, an individual without crippling mental, psychological, emotional or physical deviations.  Eidolon was that, and Eidolon had a fatal flaw in the end.” -Venom 29.7

He's described by Doctor Mother as being their only individually effective weapon against Scion. And she's right. His power is absurd - at his weakest, he survived having nine tenths of his body blown apart, could generate carbon spheres inside of someone's ear canal. (Interlude 27)

At his strongest?

Thing was, dislike or no, however instinctual or proud or resentful that dislike was, one couldn’t hold onto that after that one video of Eidolon, holding a bridge up during a disaster, too preoccupied to stop a building from falling down nearby… then shore up the bridge, reverse time to save the building and its occupants, shore up the building, and move on, like it was fucking nothing.  Didn’t watch Eidolon taking one shot to execute a supervillain the Kings Men had been trying to keep occupied for an hour, not three seconds after appearing on the scene.  Most of that had been early in his career.  But it counted, he wore the deeds like some wore capes. Dislike or no, you knew if the man was in the fucking building. -Sundown 17.2

He's a blindspot for Contessa (Interlude 27.x). Chevalier mentions in Interlude 24 that being near Eidolon gave him migraines. He injects vials of a dead space worm as booster shots. (Interlude 15.z) Glaistig Uaine describes him as being stronger than her. (Interlude 27)

Cauldron was looking for a silver bullet. They found the closest they could possibly get.

He's all of that. And it's not enough.

He doesn't ever defeat any of the endbringers. He doesn't figure out how to tap into his powers without Glaistig Uaine's guidance. And then he's up against Scion. Fighting him with the Faerie Queen in a way that no one else can - draining enough of his energy, that Scion had to play his trump card.

He's saved who-knows how many lives, but it takes four words for him to realize he's taken who-knows how many more.

Weekly round up: 1st April - 7th April

NGL, i was at a 6th bday party yesterday and just forgot it was Sunday, whoops lol. So, i wrote 17,728 words last week, with 3 uploaded stories. As always, recs first, then mine. Im also adding summarys and going to sort out my rec list so bare with: Home - SunnyRose - The Hobbit (Gen fic, Written by the wonderful @sunnyrosewritesstuff an adorable look at Uncle Thorin. )

Summary: Being an uncle doesn't come instinctual to Thorin. He loves his nephews with all his heart, but he doesn't quite understand them. However, when Dís needs a break with the death of her husband so fresh, she leaves to travel as a blacksmith and Thorin is left to mind the colony, Fíli, and Kíli. If they all manage to survive to the end of the five months, Thorin will consider it a success. The Fluttering of All Your Wings - whisperedstory - Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Geart/Jaskier, i had a bit of a fae Jaskier binge and this one is top tier) Summary: Jaskier has never really fit in anywhere, not with the fae and not with the humans. His mother always warned him to hide his heritage, especially from witchers. But then he meets Geralt and starts following him around the Continent. He finally learns what it's like to feel like he belongs somewhere, which makes keeping his secret even more necessary—and difficult. Of Bookshelves and Baby Carriers - poppunkpadfoot (StormVandal) - Harry Potter (Sirius/Remus, one of my fav muggle Au fics) Summary:

The customer standing in front of him is quite possibly the most beautiful man Remus has ever seen. Like, he looks like a model or something. He has long, black hair, flattened by water, and just the slightest amount of scruff on his face, and…

And a baby strapped to his chest. The Gift of Hobbits - MoroseBarnacle - The Hobbit (Bilbo/Thorin, and its just SO good!) Summary: The gift of hobbits is a secret not known to dwarves. Bilbo’s gift saves the Company—repeatedly—and they don’t even know it until after Smaug is dead. But by then, just about everybody knows there’s a hobbit in Erebor, and the invading orcs decide to keep Bilbo and his otherworldly gift for themselves. Let's Play Pretend - MsAlexWP - Harry Potter (Sirius/Remus, muggle Au and fake dating, whats not to love?) Summary: After James and Lily died, Sirius Black's therapist told him not to date for a year. And that's just as well. He's got a 13-month-old baby now and quite enough to deal with, thanks. But the nosy neighbors in his building keep trying to set him up and won't take no for an answer. Enter Remus Lupin, another single dad who pretends to be Sirius's boyfriend, just to get the old lady brigade off his back and nothing more. Nothing more at all. Guardian of Kings - SunnyRose - The Hobbit (Bilbo/Thorin, another excelent work by @sunnyrosewritesstuff, and im sure most bagginshielders love a bit of BAMF Bilbo and cultural misunderstanding, I know i do!) Summary: The Company has been having a good laugh as the story of their quest spreads through the mountain and more and more retellings makes Thorin out to be Bilbo’s damsel in distress. It stops becoming funny when Thorin’s honor is challenged, and it’s up to Bilbo to defend it. Thorin may be ready to smuggle his hobbit out of the mountain, but Bilbo will do it. For Thorin, he would do anything. Hope theres something to others to enjoy, if not see you next week for more.

Now, for my uploaded fics:

Far over the Misty Mountains:A hobbit with a heart (Past Bilbo/Thorin, for the KCAWS 30-days-of-feelings prompts) Summary: Bilbo's home is suddenly invaded by a troop of dwarves. He would be bad, should be mad, but that song .... It's a good job I love you! ( Bilbo/Thorin,written for #247 - Blindspot for @flashfictionfridayofficial) Summary: Bilbo sees that Thorin has once again forgotten to take the rubbish out, bloody husbands, he thinks exasperated. And finally This is real, but it isnt ME! (Jegulus and background Wolfstar, based off a prompt from a friend about Regulus being in a crop top and not happy about it) Summary: Regulus loves his brother, something he has to remind himself, because right now he wants to murder him. This is all Sirius fault!

I FINALLY FOUND MY ENDERMAN NOTES SO HERE'S FUCKED UP ALIEN BIOLOGY! Endermen have wisker feeler things some on thier face around where wiskers are on a cat and across thier spine to thier tail tips, they use these to feel around blindspots and communication via body language and rattling them. Endermen diets consist of endermites and chourus fruit, due to needing to reach into and climb chorus trees they have mandibles (I got this idea from someone else). Thier aversion to eye contact is purely instinctual and triggers thier fight or flight. I can send another ask or some old art going deeper into this so this ask isn't an essay if you want!

YOOOOOO YOOOO THIS FUCKING RULESSSS YEASSSS i love these allll sm i love the whisker/feeler thing especially that fucking WORKS SO WELLLL theyre so sensitive to eyecontact from strangers that they’ve evolved to be able to sense things all over…. ALSO YEAH FEEL FREE TO SEND AS MUCH AS U WANT THIS SHIT RULES

Miscellaneous insights from the Hudson Instincts writeup

Welcome to today's episode of 'I read enneagram texts so you don't have to'

The complexes of the blindspots

Based on surveilling a large number of students, Mr. Hudson seems to have found out a tendency for ppl with each blindspot to consistently tend towards specific kinds of complexes. This could be useful as a 'diagnostic criterion'

sp blind complex: "I am a flake. I do not have it together & I never will. I am not sure how to be an adult & I feel like an eternal kid. I don't know how the world works & I am not sure how to establish myself in life"

sx blind complex: "I am hopelessly boring. I can't imagine anyone taking much interest in me, & if they do I suspect there is something wrong with them. Thank God I can be useful because few would be interested in me otherwise"

so blind complex: "There is something deeply defective & shameful about me--especially about my emotions. I feel like I SHOULD care about people, but to be honest, often I don't. I am scared people will see my shortcomings."

Perhaps you had previously chalked this up to your core type somehow, and indeed I wouldn't be surprised if most 'hear' this filtered through the corresponding deficiency statements.

The concrete physical sensations connected to the instincts

(for this segment im also adding in some things in here that I got from the bhe podcast or seeing various youtube interviews)

sp -> this is the simplest, actual sensationsof being hungry, tired, hot/cold, comfortable etc. You know how some people just completely forget about that?

sx -> tingly sensations of excitement, of being energized, anticipating gratification, thrills etc.

so -> sense of being tense or relaxed or otherwise feeling a kinda way around particular people. So having ppl, even the more reclusive ones, also report missing a certain something if they can't interact face to face for a while.

It's important to know that we all experience all of these, what differs is the degree to which we pay attention - I can think of one sx blind individual who reported that typical problem of the date staying at a friendship get to know level & her not being able to tell easily or quickly if it 'clicked' attention wise, but she still noticeably sounded more gushy/excited about some dates way more than others.

As for social instinct... I know of one person who lost a whole lot of weight without diet or exercise just from moving out from under her parents' roof - it was all stress chubb. So, its clear that what people you're around certainly affects you physiologically somehow Synchronized periods could also be an example of this.

The types' approach to instinctual resources

What I found interesting & potentially illustrative to understanding the is how he sort of summarized each types' general approach to resources that is in common no matter what those happen to be.

1: "X is not being done correctly (and im salty about it)!"

2: "I don't need X, but you do, so let me do this for you..."

3: "My value comes from excelling at X"

4: sensitivity & particularity - "There's a problem with my X/ X is not getting me... "

5: Minimization, containment and ambivalence. "I don't want to need too much X, but... "

6: "I am concerned and worried about my X"

7: "You can never have too much X"

8: "I need to be in control of the X" (usual caveat that this isnt necessarily about telling others what to do, but about making sure you have some 'leverage' so your need for X isnt used against you)

9: "I can't have the X I really want, but this will do..."

So I’m in a relationship and this guy I see occasionally at a sports event weekly tells me he has split with his gf. We’ve been talking offering advice on the situation etc general texting talking most days. He is really attractive and I know he still has feelings for his ex and knows I’m with a boyfriend but why spill all this to me what does it mean. I’m really confused as before this we only exchanged pleasantries

Hi love! From the information you've told me, I would assume that the explanation lies in one of the two following possibilities:

He has feelings for you and is creating emotional intimacy, so it doesn't seem like you're overtly cheating and leaves the door open so you can reciprocate in due time (not saying that you're trying to do this or anything, but this could be his conscious or subconscious motive)

He is confiding in you as someone who is in a stable relationship to understand how to make a relationship work from the woman's perspective. Platonic connections of the opposite gender can offer valuable insight and help us see the blindspot in our behavior or understand motives/needs we didn't previously know existed.

Make sure to be discerning and trust your gut on this one. If needed, ask a trusted friend to look over any messages you might be confused about whether they come across as friendly or flirty (don't share anything that includes details about his ex-gf or relationship – that would be a huge violation of trust and privacy). The best question to ask yourself is: Would you be comfortable with your current boyfriend reading the messages between you and this guy? Does he know that you're giving him advice? How you react to and answer these questions can provide an instinctual feeling behind this other guy's intentions.

Hope this helps xx

The Instinctual Drives and the Enneagram (John Luckovich, 2021)

“When the Social Instinct is someone’s blindspot, they can be blind to how their gifts, insight, and understanding can benefit others or fail to see how loved ones may need them to show up. 

There’s often a complete obliviousness to how benefiting others increases personal satisfaction. 

This is usually not out of pure selfishness, but from a place of not having the eyes to see a larger world or the implications of personal actions and interests. 

For Social Blinds, opening to the Social Drive feels like it means, on a deep level, a compromise of autonomy. 

Narcissism around autonomy, including delusions about their own self-reliance, of being “self-made,” and of their own uniqueness are common for this blindspot. 

This can shore up an insensitivity to the perspective, contribution, or plight of others. (…)

There’s an assumption that others will require an excessive compromise on boundaries, personal traits, and identity. 

The unspoken expectations other people bring to relationships feel like traps waiting to be sprung, and trying to keep up with what others are feeling and thinking feels like a fruitless expenditure of energy, so it is quickly dropped.”

hetalia enneagram (and some mbti)

what’s up everyone. i’m too lazy to go into detail about these and nobody will know what i’m talking about anyway but i’m gonna ramble about the hetalia character’s enneagrams (mbtis for some of them). the only one i’m 100% positive on is veneziano’s but i put thought into anything i’ve listed! even if i’m too lazy to explain it all this is literally just a thoughts dump

edit: THIS IS OLD DONT MIND THIS I WILL UPDATE IT SOON WITH LESS RAMBLING TAKES

veneziano - 9w1 so/sx 926

he’s typed as a 6w7 on PDB but this guy is so OBVIOUSLY a 9. also, he seems to show a sp blindspot and fits the so/sx “sparkly” energy + seems to use sx as a playground more than sp (ex: being NAKED all the time, also how he’s a fairly open person which seems like him using sx (vulnerability) to benefit his dominant social (bonding)), and also so/sx is one of the three stackings that moves towards people while so/sp moves AWAY and he’s clearly social dom so he can’t be so/sp. 6 and 2 fixes are an obvious consensus. he’s also an enfp (Ne+Fi and high, unvalued Fe, weak Si and Ti). i’m thinking his heart fix is stronger than his head fix because i’m a 962 and that 6 fix makes disintegration hellish but he doesn’t seem to get quite as intense with it which makes me think his 6 fix is weaker. for disintegration behaviors, he goes from overly chill to overthinking like hell in typical 9 fashion. displays neuroticism in the social department due to his need for attention and affection. seriously guys he’s not a 6 core he lacks so many of the 6 core traits, a big one being how trusting he is when 6s are known for being distrustful, yes, even sp 6s, not to mention he’s clearly so/sx so how could he be a sp 6? he focuses on the positive to shut out the world as a coping mechanism i could literally talk for an hour about this but i won’t.

romano - 6w5 648 sx/sp

6 with 4 fix, possibly 8 for gut fix? unsure of wing but leaning towards 6w5. i was stuck between 6 and 4 core for him but no, he’s definitely a 6 core. shows many key 6 traits including distrust and projection. also shows disintegration to 3 behaviors. 4 fix seems pretty obvious with his fixation on veneziano and general victim complex + he displays some disintegration to 2 behaviors. anyway, unsure of his instinctual stacking. unpopular opinion but i think romano’s an istp and his trauma outbursts make him come off as an isfp or something. he seems Ti-Fe over Fi-Te for reasons i can’t word right now. for romano’s instincts, i’m not entirely sure. i think he uses sp, so i wanna say he’s sp/sx because he seems to value social the least and he has some of that sx flair. however i’m not sure i’d say he’s neurotic about sp stuff, either so maybe he’s a sx/sp instead? he is quite intense and often stressing about being seen as appealing if i remember correctly, which could be sx or social but seems more sx in this context. the only issue is he does seem to also care about social stuff but whether it’s the social instinct or his one-sided rivalry with veneziano, i don’t know. overall i’m gonna say it’s more of a sx instinct thing though. he doesn’t seem to particularly value his relationships which fits with a social blind.

germany - 1w9 sp/so 162

i was stuck between 1 and 6 core for him but he’s definitely a 1, most likely with a 9 wing because he seems to care more about seeming peaceful / kind than helpful or admired. completely unsure of heart fix but maaaybe 2? which contradicts what i said but eh. seems pretty clearly a sx blind kind of guy. most likely an ISTJ but i’d have to give it more thought to be positive. Te-Fi over Ti-Fe. also as an ISTJ he’d be the same as veneziano but backwards and that’s pretty neat. for instincts, the sp/so subtype fits him best and plus i don’t see him as a social dominant. he’s not neurotic about bonding with others. but he seems neurotic about SP stuff for sure. overall seems like a textbook e1 sp istj.

france - 2w3 sx/so ESFJ

i have nothing to go off of other than the vibes for this one so don’t take it too seriously. france just strikes me as a 2 core and it fits with my personal interpretation of him, as well! unsure if sx/so or sx/sp. i also see him as Fe-Ti over Fi-Te (he’s often typed as an ESFP). Fe-Ti is more give-and-take which is how i imagine him lowkey being (giving but also wordlessly desiring something in return). I’d say maybe he’s an ESFJ, not sure, I think he’s an extroverted feeler, though, and a sensor. oh yeah i say sx dom because he has that more intense energy, but i could see someone arguing he has sx playground instead BUT he comes off as so intense i’m gonna say sx/so. i could see him being neurotic about sx endeavors

canada - 945 sp dom

i’m not sure but he seems like he has 4 and 9 somewhere in there. repression of anger, passive aggression, victim complex, etc. i think he’s probably a sp dom? it just feels right. possibly a sp 9 with a 4 and 5 fix? triple withdrawn maybe? no clue for mbti. maybe isfp or infp. thinking Fi-Te. sorry that’s all i got i really don’t like canada lol

russia - 6 sx blind

this is just off the top of my head but maybe russia’s a 6? my only reasoning is how he tries to make friends by seeming nice but he actually terrifies people which could also fit 6′s duality? and doesn’t he sorta have this group thing going on, too? i’m not seeing sx so maybe he’s sp/so or so/sp. possibly so/sp because maybe he’s neurotic about the social instinct? since he’s so lonely. idk im just spitting possibilities here. NO IDEA for mbti.

that’s all for now!

Of course we want the people around us to be happy, we want them to be comfortable, at ease, to experience joy and happiness. Indeed there is a whole form of meditation and spiritual practice dedicated to this Metta Meditation.’ In such a practice we begin by wishing love, kindness, joy and peace on those we love, and extend our well wishes in increasingly widened circles so as to embrace all, even those who we find hard to love. The practice of metta is a deep and wonderful practice for sharing love and the fruits of our own practice.

But the practice of metta, doesn’t mean that we can always help other people feel good or happy. Sometimes people will be unhappy whether it be with you or others. Often there is nothing you can do about it, as it has nothing to do with anyone else, and everything to do with the person who is unhappy.We all work through our lives with our own issues, blindspots, places within ourselves that we would rather not shine a light on. Sometimes in our interactions with people, whether it be our kids, our partner, our students or our friends a door opens shining a very bright light on our own ‘stuff’, or on theirs. Instinctually we often want to run right up to that door and slam it shut it so the light won’t be so blinding.

I think many of us spend our life trying to intuitively avoid opening those doors on our own stuff or other people’s. It becomes a very complex and draining exercise in emotional chess. How will they feel if I do that? But then if I say that they won’t be happy etc etc. Often we won’t make decisions about what is good, nourishing or important to us because we are worried about how other people might feel. So instead we “set ourselves on fire to keep other people warm”. We allow other people’s issues to determine our actions and life choices.

This can be in very small ways or in much larger, life long damaging ways.In order to live freely we all need to own our own issues rather than passively requiring that other people dance around them. Whether it be a no go zone in a relationship, or a past hurt that we don’t want in any way mentioned. When we require other people to sacrifice themselves in order to help us maintain a veneer of emotional stability we aren’t doing anyone any favors.

You may find that choosing what is right for you or your family, is not received well by others. If this is the case, best to practice not taking it personally. On the other hand when you gently begin deciding you don’t want to set yourself on fire to keep others warm you may find that your relationships grow and blossom.

so/sp & sx/so blindspot conflict

It’s strange to be sandwiched in a personal conflict between sx/so and so/sp. It seems sx at times can not understand why sp cannot deal with having them around indefinitely. Sx/so feels offended, hurt and angry. So/sp sets boundaries due to stress, and perceived increased need for maintenance and upkeep. Being sp/sx I can understand them both, yet am baffled that it’s so hard for them to “get” each other. Guess this is what happens when each person has the other’s blindspot in their stacking. On sidenote sp/so (E2 -> 8) and sx/so (E8 -> 5) are the greatest tag team for dealing with an annoying neighbor. Nobody wants to be on the other end of that disintegration stick. Though that might also be because of the E8 fix/combo.

Hey Charity! You used to think you were a Sx blind then Sp blind and now a Sx blind, so, could you help please to differenciate between the two perceptions? I am So first, but can't decide if I use closeness "merging" with individual people or self care to fullfill So's need (I can see arguments for both in me :/ ). How did you figure it out? What behaviors/thought pattern you saw in yourself/somene can see in themselves to determine it? Thank you!

Mostly it’s because I know myself. I know sp-blinds and the things they never even think about astound me, because prioritizing health, energy, finances, safety, and rest comes second nature to me.

I know: how much sleep I need and make sure I get it; how long I can work before I go beyond my optimal productivity; how long I can be around people before they tire me; what temperature to keep my room so I can sleep at night; not to go without a coat in the winter; to save half of every paycheck; to avoid crowds (they drain me); to avoid headaches, I must stay hydrated and out of the sun; to avoid low blood sugar, I must eat every day at the same time; to feel my best, I need 8 hours of sleep a night, so I go to bed at the same time; in case I need something fast, I need to know where the resources are, so I look around in new places to locate the amenities.

Even if I am having a lot of fun with my friends, I will leave when I feel my energy wane and I know it’s time to go home so I can be fully productive the next day. I have one eye at all times on so concerns (community) and personal needs (sp) so I make decisions based on how much time, energy, resources, and money it will cost. I know exactly when I need to leave someplace or a friend to fill all my sp-needs before going back to work the next morning.

I have in the past struggled to know how to do all of these things, because I’m an inferior Si, but I was very much aware of my need for them and wanted to do them. And like Claire in the above gif, I have always prioritized ‘me’ time. Even if I really like someone and am drawn to them, I still know when I need to be alone and recharge. I am very so/sp in my interactive style – friendly but reserved. I show up, talk to them, have fun, and go home when I’ve had enough – alone. This frustrates them when they want ‘more’ of me, but I have boundaries. I know when enough is enough and when something would be too much for me.

I realize friendships are fleeting and people grow apart as their lives change but I approach new situations based on whether I like this person enough to give up my sp resources (time, energy, focus, attention, money) to include them in my life. And even then, my focus is still so/sp – the desire to make friends with them, and introduce them to other people in my social circle. There’s not a ton of ‘exclusivity’ in my thinking like an sx, and when my attention wanes, I don’t just dump the person or thing in search of the next high. With people, I either maintain the friendship on an so-basis or let it wane; projects, if it’s a useful resource to others (so) I find someone to take it over from me.

Another thing I’ve noticed that distinguishes me from my so/sx friend is she sees dating as an amazingly fun experience, because you’re trying out all these different people (so) to find ‘the one’ you just have crazy chemistry with (sx).

I find dating excruciating. It’s really difficult for me to balance staying connected to all my friends (so) with the need for a lot of down time to take care of my sp needs and my work responsibilities, plus I’m not looking for an intense or instant connection, I am weighing so/sp concerns about long-term compatibility and whether they are sending me a vibe like they would want to monopolize all my time and attention – taxing my sp in the process. Most men don’t want to move slow and get to know me gradually so my sp feels threatened by their intense focus. It reaches a point where I feel exhausted, so I quit.

I realize being a 6-1 factors into it, but here’s my thought process on things:

Friend: A bunch of us are going to Disney World in Jan, you want to come??

Me: Can I think about it?

I go home and think like this: how much would it cost and how does that stack up against how much pleasure I might get from it? I’m not a fan of theme parks or interested in rides, but I also want to maintain my so-connection to this group of friends. The price tag is high, especially for something I don’t care about and would be doing just to keep my friend happy with me. It would also be a lot of walking and waiting and standing in the hot sun (I have passed out in similar circumstances before due to getting too hot) and a huge crowd, which would drain me rather quickly. I don’t sleep well in strange beds, so I’d be running on less hours of sleep and around people constantly, unless I spend extra $$ for my own room. Meaning I’d get tired sooner with each subsequent day, opening myself up to getting sick. I’d also have to be careful not to get dehydrated since I would loathe drinking enough water to keep hydrated, since it would mean standing in bathroom lines all day long. Public restrooms – yuck.

So, no. I’d rather save my money and go to NYC, which I love. See a show. Go to the MET again and study the paintings. Walk around Central Park. No screaming, crying children waiting with me in long lines. Just the best pizza in the world and Broadway shows. To maintain so-connections, I’ll wish them well but say I’m saving up to go to NYC with them.. and float the idea to my other friends, see if a few of them want to drive up and do it with us. ;)

- ENFP Mod

ETA: Intense friendships.

I wanted to add this on, since I have had intense friendships before that superficially might look like sx, because they were very close and I neglected other friendships for them. I was even willing to put aside my usual routines to stay up late all night talking to them. But how I got into them was still so/sp focused -- not sx-based at all. The most memorable case was someone came into my social circle, I treated her like everyone else for awhile (friendly, social, interested), but then she stood up for me and defended me against lies when others did not, so my sp trusted her completely. Once we got through that (sp needing boundaries), I was free to be open, intimate, and exclusive with her. So for those of you wondering if so/sp means you’ll never have an “exclusive” friendship or romance -- that’s not the case. It’s just you will build it with so/sp rather than sx.

Sx-blind attachment triad Fi users are mostly just less personal, with themselves, with others, they have a harder time knowing themselves and are less comfortable with their emotions.

Sosps feel isolated, even in a room full of people sosp feels like its lonely and by itself, like it can't really be with anyone. Because of that forced socializing it has adopted to navigate the world better, everything feels kind of off. As much as they enjoy interacting it doesn't really cure that permanent sense of lonely and cut-off from others.

They struggle with reaching out, they struggle with forming long-lasting connections with others even though they yearn for it. It's like they are happy with the scraps, better any interaction than none and thats why they push themselves into social environments, even when they would much rather sit at home and indulge in their favorite media. At heart they're constantly trying to interact, but feel like they're failing to do so properly and this is CONTRAFLOW.

Having common interests to engage in, like being part of the same fandom, or other things that already establish a connection between them and the other person is the sosps favorite way to interact. It doesn't need to get more personal, but it also IS personal, because you enjoy this, you're connected through this, you get to share something. Thats where the sosp feels at home

Sp - blind over focus?

Being shocked by the price of daily use items (because I don't handle that stuff) and googling "components of tooth paste" in an attempt to make my own, inexpensive one (for sensitive teeth).

Sp- blind #1

When I was a child a lady from my church was diagnosed with cancer and my youth group volunteered to help her cook and clean.  One Saturday when we were volunteering she asked me to walk her dog.  I said yes and proceeded to walk her dog through some really sketchy neighborhoods, completely oblivious to any possible danger.  I ended up getting lost with the dog and almost got attacked by a pitbull.  Once I found my way back my mom and the woman with cancer were crying because they thought something terrible happened to me, to which I responded, “I don’t know why you’re so worried.”  The next week another girl my same age was walking through that neighborhood in broad daylight and got kidnapped.    

I’m in a ranty mood, so uh...

Does anyone wanna hear me ‘splain what romance and being in love (as far as I’ve experienced it) is like from an sx-blind’s perspective?