#im spam posting because i have nothing better to do
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I just read my damn posts a few minutes ago and now im cringing at how i wrote them with all that purposeful bad grammar.. jesus christ im sorry for the 1 or 2 people who had to read that...
#I actually read them all thinking it was silly how i did it#genuinely dont know why#anyways ill be working on the about me post#I might make a carrd now that i think about it#it should be fun#plus id get to express myself more#well add more onto the little thing than i can on tumblr#not saying i cant itd just be mmore fun to make a little space for me#plus!! I get to make it look cool and everything#who knows though#im spam posting because i have nothing better to do#again#motivations probably not gonna be here tomorrow isnt it?#/pos btw im not that depressed#anyways ima go fingure out what to do#i dont got much to do anyways so#idk#maybe put some questions in the ask box? I can try to respond#i promise ill make some actual posts soon abt myself and the acc#anyways#toodles!!
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FAIR AND SQUARE › lhs
SYNOPSIS › one thing about life— it's unpredictable. for example, you made a note to yourself about not associating too much with heeseung for your own peace of mind, letting him stay as the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, except one thing leads to another and you find yourself face to face with the said man with your feelings all over the place. a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition, let the game begin.
WORD COUNT › 20.2k
GENRE › academic rivals / friends to lovers, mutual pinning because they're just competitive and oblivious ft in denial, fem reader, quite the 'he fell first but she fell harder' thing eye guess . . .
WARNINGS › mentions drinking, sheds light on family issues ( mostly on the reader's side ) bruise and injury, slightest of angst, arguments, suggestive ( fourth section, towards the end ) profanities, let me know if you spot more
PLAYLIST › tune in for a better experience
NOTE › i love this fic with all my heart and lungs, even more. anyway, i'm sorry to academic rivals fans, this doesn't have academic blood and gore, as quoted by my dear mai. SPEAKING OF MAI EVERYONE THANK @maiverie FOR BETAREADING THIS FIC!!!!!! im not lying when i say i wouldn't have finished writing this yesterday if it wasn't for her, like thank u for ur super helpful review that got my brain juices flowing :< luv u fr. ALSO both heeseung and reader are taking post grad course so of course, they're aged up ( no ages specified ) have fun reading.
I. BANE OF EXISTENCE
one thing about life— it’s unpredictable.
for example, you’re in the library writing and reading papers on the topic you love, the one that you’re supposed to enjoy and the one that will become the reason behind your earnings in the near future, but here you are, sitting with a headache and a cup of coffee on the side. who knew the subject you've liked since grade one will betray you and become the potential bane of your existence? not you, surely enough. wednesday noons are for basketball matches, which explains why the library and hallways are quieter and emptier than usual. even the teachers make time for the tournaments off their busy schedules, it’s understandable— your university is known for having one of the best sports teams in the league, and the basketball team being the defending champions does nothing but fuel the pride of students and staffs as if they’re the ones on the court, trying to get the ball in the basket.
you wouldn’t say you don’t like being a part of the crowd because you’ve been to the badminton tournaments and know that watching matches is as interesting as playing, if not more. you just don’t have the time to attend any. with assignments piling up and exams ‘round the corner, you’d rather spend your last two months of the semester studying instead of yelling at the bleachers. you can always get the recordings if you ever feel like watching one, as for the results, the word goes around faster in your department than anywhere else, all because of one of the students being on the team.
you try focusing, you really do, but your cup is just as empty as your brain and your phone is going up with notifications. you don’t see the point of miyeon spamming the gc with updates on the match when everyone in the group, except you, is with her, watching and cheering alongside. muting is a choice which you choose not to do, and the reason is between you and god, to be honest. long story short, it’s the lack of motivation clogging your thought process and the realisation that your friends are out there enjoying themselves unlike you is blocking any means of logical thinking. a day or two spent not studying wouldn’t make you fail the classes, and even if the guilt is pooling inside, you pack your stuff and walk out of the library, making your way to the indoor basketball court.
the screams grow louder as you approach, each step reminding you that you still can go back as you choose to ignore it. exams can wait, you tell yourself, a day to myself can’t. your mother would tell you to take breaks and go out instead of studying all day, but being on top is an addiction. it’s no good, you wish other students would believe you, it’s a struggle, on the top, at the bottom, everywhere. you expect to turn a few heads as soon as you walk inside, which doesn’t happen, but you expected it. you don’t watch matches, this could easily be your third or fourth one, and the first basketball match, to be more specific. once you realise that everyone is busy watching the plays instead of noticing who comes and goes from the court, you make your way up to the one friend you manage to spot amidst the crowd— sung hanbin. indoor bleachers feel more compact than the outdoor ones. you've been to the football match last semester, courtesy of miyeon, and everything being outdoors really helps with the crowd and noise.
“didn’t expect to see you here,” hanbin stands next to you, offering you a sip or two from his drink, which you politely refuse, eyes fixed on the court as if it was the home they’ve been searching for. “i thought you hate heeseung,” it isn’t until he takes his name that your gaze averts to heeseung. you don’t even know why hanbin would outright assume you’re here for heeseung. in fact, that man’s name didn’t even cross your mind until he was mentioned.
“hate is a big word, ‘bin,” your words are more of a whisper laced with hesitation, as if you aren’t sure of what you’re saying. hate, actually, is a very big and heavy word. despite its constant usage with your friends, you realise the weight it holds and the impact it has. hate and dislike— they’re different and yet similar enough to be used synonymously at times. not by you, of course, you have a clear distinction between the two, and as of now, you don’t know if what you feel for heeseung is a mere dislike or pure hatred. “i just don’t like him,”
when he successfully shoots a three-pointer, you come to the decision that you definitely don’t hate him. heeseung is, more or less, the typical all-rounder straight-A student, the jack of all trades and fortunately enough, the master of all as well. he's the student teachers use as an example, the son parents wish for, the boyfriend people wished they had. lee heeseung is many things, and one of those is being the reason why you have the second highest score in your department instead of the first position, unlike how it used to be two semesters ago.
heeseung transferred departments about thirty weeks ago, from chemistry to bioinformatics. it had been surprising on your side because not many opted for bioinformatics until they were certain of their goal. the course in itself is vast, like an ocean of several different fields and each and every one of them opens a door to a different outcome. bioinformatics isn’t something students picked overnight just because it had the vacancy and they didn’t like their initially chosen courses. as fun as the subject sounds, it demands consistency and time, something that heeseung lacks. you had seen him attend classes the first few weeks regularly, and then the ghost of him started sitting on the empty seat that belongs to him. skipping classes, arriving late, delayed submission of a couple of projects— you knew he wasn’t here to stay. it was to pass time, or whatever, you couldn’t care, didn’t care, not until he started acing the tests, practically dethroning you from your infamous ‘perfect all kill’ title that you had for getting nothing less than a perfect score, most of the time, give and take a few here and there.
you still get good scores, amazing even, full score in theory and the same in practicals. it’s going well in lab manuals and project works but heeseung seems to get a perfect score in those too, something you started missing ever since he came into the picture. perhaps, it was something in the way he phrased his essays— you hoped it was. rumour has it that heeseung used to be a literature student, which could explain his outstanding english skills and his eloquent way of speaking. you even looked up his debate videos on youtube only to find more evidence on how skilled he is in public speaking.
but above all, heeseung is, actually, just a really damn annoying student, quite literally the bane of your existence. he’s always set on stealing people’s spotlight during lessons, with you being the people, obviously, always answering questions with information that’s unrelated and probably even unnecessary. and for the shortest time, you even considered taking him off your ‘things i hate’ list because you were no different in highschool. when you’re the top student, it becomes a habit to talk about things as if you know them in your bones and impress teachers. hell, you even had rivals in highschool, although none of them got on your nerves the way heeseung does. basically, he has no reason to call you by weird names everytime you both pass each other in the hallways, or remind you that he’s the top student. ‘this is the vice-captain of the basketball team and the best student of the biotechnology department, lee heeseung, informing you on the up—’ seriously, no one wants to hear him introduce himself like that when you’re around. you’re pretty sure it’s engraved inside your brain with the amount of times he repeats it everyday. minjeong even says that heeseung is becoming more and more like sunghoon, and you would not know how or why because you didn’t attend highschool with sunghoon, unlike her.
the court flares up with cheers when heeseung goes for a dunk which ultimately leads to their team winning the match, and you reach the conclusion that maybe you don’t hate heeseung but actually want to bang his head against the walls. your eyes follow him around the court, analysing his conduct during the match, the way he communicates so effortlessly with teammates using hand signs or quick phrases, the way he holds the team together when the ball is with him, despite not being the captain. heeseung might be the most unbearable person you’ve met so far, he’s actually just fine when his target is not you. you’re sure any other player is doing just as good but nothing comes close to how you see heeseung. it’s different, the light he is in, it’s unique, incredible, and inexplicably addictive. heeseung juggles between classes and basketball, you remember sunghoon talking about his part-time job when you passed by their lockers the other day. he doesn’t have it easy, you don’t either, but you had those all perfect kills by spending hours in your study while heeseung does better than you while winning matches, making money.
it doesn’t take you long to realise that what you have for him could be dislike with a hint of jealousy, and you wonder if all the people would react the same way once they know who heeseung really is— a devil behind an angelic face, one who deliberately likes ruining things for you, as if his life depends on it. you still remember the day he personally texted you the wrong syllabus for a test, claiming that it had been updated and the professor had asked him to notify everyone. ‘and as you know, i have not been added in the group chat yet so i’m texting everyone personally,’ he had lied ever so smoothly as if his words consist of nothing but truth, as if lies are something he hasn’t even heard of. kudos to you for studying the original and correct syllabi beforehand, you still aced the test, if heeseung scoring the first rank is overlooked.
you’re dragged back from your thoughts to the reality when a boy bumps into you while hurrying down to the players, hoping to get noticed. half of the students act like the team is actually a boy-band, you can see them on the front page of every single edition of university magazine. usually, you prefer waiting for the crowd to disperse before taking your leave from wherever you are, but a sudden reminder about the tests over text from your professor gives you a reason to leave early, all to make sure you could catch up to heeseung. you rush your way out of the bleachers once the teams start leaving the court, eyes fixed on heeseung to take a note of the direction he leaves. hanbin gives you a confused look before the words find their way out of his mouth. “where are you going?”
“basketball shower room,” and your words could give him, and the other people who might’ve heard you, a wrong idea but you couldn’t care less. the goal was to see heeseung before he leaves the campus, which was highly likely because no one has it in them to attend four hours of classes after an exhausting match, not even heeseung, no matter how amazing he is.
you make your way through the ocean of people, bumping into a few in the process as you make your way to the club room. a silent profanity leaves your mouth once you realise that the club room entrance might be filled with fangirls and boys, left and right, and the thought of shuffling your way out of the crowd to meet heeseung makes you reconsider your actions. heeseung might be a star student but isn’t amazing enough for you to step out of your comfort zone and do things to see him.
“well, this is surprising,” your voice manages to turn his head towards the door. “thought you’d be busy with your fangirls, lee,” and it is surprising indeed because the hallways are unexpectedly empty with only a few people around. you would say they learnt to give the players their space after a game but that would be a lie considering the embarrassing history of students when it comes to people on the sports team.
“they’re probably busy with jake,” heeseung responds with a smile, and even though he turns to his locker just as quickly, you could see the smile dancing on the corner of his lips.
jake is rather a new player, a junior to be specific, and jay personally spent days waiting outside the physics department to get the guy on the basketball team. explains why he’s popular amidst students, he’s talented, good at studies— seriously, you wouldn’t understand how these people manage academics with sports. you couldn’t, and even if you managed to, you would end up passing out every few days. “does it suck to lose your fan-following to a newbie?”
“not really. i still have you here,” heeseung wouldn’t call it ‘losing’ his fan-following because he’s using jake as bait to escape the crowd of students as quickly as possible. a junior has to make sacrifices, in this case it’s to save heeseung by sacrificing himself to the public. although, saying that he still has you looking for him even though a hundred others aren’t makes him feel better about himself. “no but seriously, what did you come here for?”
“oh, it’s for the test on friday,” you pull out your phone, opening the group chat with the professor and the students who took the same course. it’s laughable how the universe put you in the exact same situation twice, although with the tables turned this time, and it takes everything in you to not tell him a made-up, wrong syllabi, and do what is rational. “the syllabi was extended up to chapter fourteen, till page three-ninety-seven. they sent it in the group chat this morning but i’m sure you hardly have time even to think about something else except basketball,”
you’ve known heeseung for two semesters but that’s for the people to say. the truth is, you don’t know him outside what he shows to everyone else. you see him come and go, spot him around the bar with his friends on weekends you pass by it. you know he skips classes and asks students for notes. it’s not necessarily from you, though you’d prefer if he would ask you since you’re the best student in the whole department, after him, as much as you hate to admit it. on some days, you see him in the library, earphones plugged in. if you manage to sneak a glance or two, you’d catch him watching the match recordings and taking notes, you wouldn’t know what notes someone could take from matches. in short, you don’t know heeseung more than how everyone knows him. coming to the shower rooms and notifying him about the test might just be a discreet attempt at striking up more conversations with him, but also, you’re just fine with him being the academic rival slash classmate that he is.
“yeah, semi-finals,” heeseung shuts his locker close, a sigh falling off his lips just like the water drops falling on his shoulder from the tips of his hair, after a shower. “doesn’t help that they’re at the same time as the quarterly assessments. thank you for telling me even though it means you’ll end up losing the first position to me once again,” and of course, the heeseung you know wouldn’t waste an opportunity to strike up a competition. it would be a lie if you claim to hate it because despite the sour look on your face, a part of you loves these little academic races with him. heeseung makes you strive to do better, he’s like the driving force you lacked which made college a whole lot better. after all, where’s the fun in getting a perfect score with the bare minimum effort, without some challenges knocking at your door?
“what can i do, i’m all about fair play,” there’s a subtle shade behind your words, reckoning to the multiple incidents of him ruining things for you. this could take a really nasty turn if you were to resort to his ways, except you won’t because you’re better than him. “good luck, and we’ll see who loses the first position to whom,”
heeseung wipes his hair before switching to texting on his phone, the smile still adorning his face like a jewel. you assume it’s the delight from winning a match, it’s obvious. his eyes couldn’t help but sparkle at every little achievement, always looking forward to something more, something challenging, that’s lee heeseung for you— someone who knows he has an easier way around things but would deliberately walk down another path and test his limits. shocking how it took you one basketball match to see the passion he has for things he’s interested in, that he’s more than a sport jock or a straight nerd, he’s more than someone who takes courses to pass time, more than someone who is just a show-off.
“heeseung,” the dislike, the hatred, the envy, it might all be a lie. “well played today,” because in the end, there’s a minimal possibility that you’re leaving the room with nothing but the slightest of admiration for the guy who is nothing but an obstacle between you and that first position in upcoming finals in two months.
and it would be a lie too to claim that your words didn’t catch heeseung by surprise.
II. RIVALRY, FEELINGS, ETCETERA.
it has been a little over one day since heeseung’s conversation with you outside the shower rooms, twenty-seven hours to be exact. twenty-seven hours of him hearing the same last words over and over again, twenty-seven hours of him failing all and any attempts at straight thinking and twenty-seven hours of him not thinking about anything except you. all of it ends up in three hours of practice and not one good shot from heeseung. the sighs and snickers from teammates fill the court every few seconds— truthfully, they never leave. heeseung is simply too lost to pay attention to them.
“heeseung, you good?” a pat on shoulder from jake and the words following soon after manage to pull him out of his spiral of thought, even if it’s for a brief second.
“he’s not, won’t be anytime soon,” sunghoon replies as if the answer was on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be revealed. “yn came to watch the last match, after all,” there’s a smirk on sunghoon’s face, heeseung can tell it in the intonation of his words.
jay pauses just seconds before going for a layup, joining the conversation. “wait, she did?”
“yep, saw her standing next to that hanbin guy or something,”
“mate, you cannot be acting like this over a girl and that too, four days before finals,” this conversation, as a whole, is beyond jake’s comprehension. a part of the reason could be because he joined the team late, thus missing out on a huge chunk of internal jokes and gossip and goes amidst the players. and no amount of reasons can convince him into thinking that it’s fine to act out-of-character before important matches just because your crush showed up at one of your matches.
“she’s not just some random girl. she never attends matches, but she came to watch my match,” heeseung clarifies as if the reasons behind his antics are valid and acceptable. “you wouldn’t know how i feel right now,”
“you’re on cloud nine, we know, your crush gave you the attention you’ve been lacking but trust me, she would ignore you just as efficiently if she sees you perform like this,”
“she’s not a crush,” and despite it being a well known fact amongst the basketball team that heeseung has a thing or two for you, he always refuses to accept it. one can say it’s the pride thing. you barely even talk to him unless it’s about studies, and your conversations are mostly along the lines of who outdoes whom in tests and assessments. moreover, everyone knows heeseung is the reason why you’re the second best student in the department— as much as you hate to admit it, again— because he transferred and flipped your world, probably even dribbled around with it like a basketball. a word goes around every few days about you glaring at him in class, which is not true, you’re instead focusing your eyes on something in an attempt to think. he just happens to sit right in front of you and be the object of focus. heeseung might as well believe that you hate him, even though yesterday’s conversation was far from how people talk when they hate each other, and his assumptions could account for the constant words of denial that fall off his lips.
jay snickers before landing a hook successfully. “yeah, and i’m a pigeon,”
“oh, shut it, jay,” heeseung turns to look at the other boy. “she’s just someone i admire. have you read her essays? her papers? god, we’re a year away from graduation but she’s already writing mind-blowing papers, one of them was even published in the monthly issue of some magazine. she’s already on her best performance and still tries to do better, always down to guide juniors with lab work and also is on the research team for the paediatrics department at asan medical centre. all this, and she studies all day. if i were her, i’d pass out. i can’t go a day without entering the court,”
“and he says he doesn’t have a crush oh her,” sunghoon rolls his eyes, it’s like if he heard another line of excuses from heeseung, he could see the back of his skull and have a look at hs big, fat brain.
“because i don’t? you guys never had someone you admired so much that they practically became your role model despite being in the same year?” unlike other things that heeseung does, calling you his role model has a reason. first, it can give him a reason to talk to you. heeseung is almost convinced that you hate him, and if this persists, it would get harder and harder for him to approach you, but with the lie— half lie— of you being his role model and so wonderful that he couldn’t help but admire you from afar while trying to overcome his social anxiety gives him a reason to talk to you. plus, it sounds plausible, he doesn’t understand why his brother says it’s bound to fail.
the second reason and more to do with his friend group. no one in his friend circle is capable of keeping a secret— jay ends up spilling tea unconsciously, jake tells one person who he trust and that person turns out to be the most untrustworthy person ever, beomgyu, well he’s on the team but telling him would be like standing on a stage and announcing to the whole campus, and sunghoon, he’s the mother, he cannot digest food without disclosing secrets. even if it’s common knowledge that heeseung has a tiny crush on you, denying it in front of the whole campus everytime one of them brings it up helps him with his reputation and fortunately, ends up keeping it a secret. besides, he’d rather have people tease him for calling you his role model than having a crush on you.
“i surely don’t have someone i admire to the point i read all their papers and know each and everything they’ve volunteered for,” jay argues back, set on proving his point. “tell me what am i gonna do knowing that she’s on the paediatrics research team?”
“i think this is the most i’ve known about yn ever since classes started and that too, because of heeseung,” beomgyu chuckles, earning a side eye from heeseung in the process.
“enough, let’s get back to practice,” heeseung intervenes in an attempt to change the topic. he does not want his closest friends making fun of him for liking someone— it’s supposed to be human nature to have a crush.
“you get back to practice because you’re the only one fucking up because of your silly little crush. i’m done, jay, call me when we’re having a practice match because i need to attend theology or my professor would write me up,” taehyun passes the ball to sunghoon, the latter yelping in surprise at the sudden yet successful catch.
“i don’t have a crush—”
“of course, let’s get you back to practice,” jake cuts heeseung off mid sentence, moving back to take his position as sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung, who, as expected, misses the catch due to lack of concentration.
it’s going to be a long day for the team.
.
.
.
“a little birdie told me you went to see heeseung in the shower rooms?” are the words you hear as soon as your classes are dismissed, miyeon walking up to you and hanbin discussing the set of questions your professor distributed just a few minutes ago.
“i didn’t go into the shower rooms, i was outside, near the lockers,” and there’s a difference. to be in the shower room implies you were there in the shower, which definitely gives rise to several wrong ideas of different levels. specifically, you didn’t even enter the locker room. you were outside, leaning against the door, watching heeseung as he walked freshly out of the shower, a towel around his neck, you both strike up a small talk. yeah, that was the scene, not with you in the shower and whatever miyeon’s imagination leads to after that.
“so you did go!” she claps her hands together as if it’s a celebratory occasion, turning her head to look at the boy next to you. “what were you saying about yn not having a crush, habin?”
“it’s not a crush, miyeon,” and it’s true— heeseung is not a crush. he’s a classmate, a rival, an over-qualified and impossibly competitive student, someone you would want to take your time to study. “what, i can’t even go to tell a classmate about the updated syllabus for a test now? i would’ve done that for anyone, not just heeseung,”
hanbin sighs, packing his bag. “sure, but he’s in the groupchat. he could’ve checked it himself,”
“um, i doubt that,” you’re preparing a powerpoint in your head, multiple slides on why you needed to do what you did. “he’s busy with basketball and i know how he gets when the matches are around the corner. don’t you remember how he skipped two weeks of classes straight because of matches last semester? and it’s the finals this time, i don’t think he even opens texts about anything that’s not basketball. i mean, he responded to my messages six days later because he was busy with practice,”
you say it like you’ve known heeseung for a decade and have been through the ups and downs with him. you wouldn’t care about who does what in the classes, if it’s a paper plane flying right over you, landing just second to the first row of seats or if it’s someone being brave enough and playing music during lectures. biology, in your opinion, is a subject for those who are serious about doing something unique while staying in the academic field. you don’t encounter troublemakers often, once a blue moon if the heavens make a mistake. on other days, it’s quieter than a library, emptier than cemeteries at night.
to think your life as a biotechnology major got interesting after heeseung switched majors is astonishing and equally debatable.
“i don’t see why i should remember all that about ‘just a classmate’ but thanks for telling,” and before you know it, hanbin and miyeon are out of the class, on their way to wherever their next stop is. seriously, they’re having it easier than you. they go to games, movies, drink on weekends— something you haven’t had a taste on ever since the year started. somewhere, you could be blamed for your hectic schedules. studies, lab work, and thesis, they suffice for all the stress a student in post graduation studies can handle. volunteering and writing papers is on you, things wouldn’t have been arduous if you had decided to move slowly, one step at a time. sometimes, the hunger for more leaves you starving— quite literally.
you spend an hour or so in the classroom along with a few other students, going through the same old routine of yours— watch videos, take notes, transfer them to your document in your own words and make it sound as innovative and convincing as possible. heeseung would be better at this than you. you’re exhausted to the point that accepting your defeat to him doesn’t even faze you anymore. he used to be a literature student, had english as a side course as an undergrad, he’s bound to be better than making essays sound they came right out of shakespeare's drafts, phrases and metaphors that would put fitzgerald to shame.
you didn’t care about what went down in your classes until heeseung came along. call it craziness or the weird impression you have of students in your field, heeseung is far from the typical biotechnology student aiming for a postgraduate degree. he skips classes, plays basketball as if studies are a side business, and yet still manages to ace every test like an all-rounder. he shouldn’t even be in classroom, he should be in the labs, being the most important subject of studies. there are days you think of him as a social experiment— how quickly can a robot piss off a straight-A student with its impeccable skills— of course, the subjects wouldn’t know it’s a robot but you do, you’re almost convinced he is one. there’s no way he’s the top student with the amount of effort he puts in. one would claim that he studies after classes, at home slash dorms, but you can bet your life he doesn’t. there have been numerous instances when you’ve spotted him in the background of someone’s picture at a bar. he’s always with people, he has a humongous friend group, god knows how someone can live like that. at first, you were convinced he isn’t real, as worrisome as it sounds, and if he is real then he needs to be studied.
which leads to what you’re doing right now— making your way to the basketball court. you don’t know how or why you’re doing it. you started with your studies, ended up thinking about heeseung, and now you’re on your way to the basketball court. although, it’s not half a bad idea, now that you think about it once again.
your mind goes all the way back to when you watched him play for the first time, which was just a day ago actually. you don’t know anything about basketball, you don’t know much about heeseung either, but there’s one thing you’re sure of— heeseung is class and heeseung on the court, they’re different. you’ve noticed the way he clicks his pen relentlessly out of nervousness when he can’t solve a question, the way his back tenses up for a fraction of a second as soon as he’s asked to explain something. you’ve seen the hints of fear in his eyes when he asked you for notes last semester just three days before exams, scared that he would fail. heeseung isn’t sure of a lot of things and basketball isn’t one of those.
“you’re not practising?” you ask him when you swim out of your thoughts, watching him climb up the bleachers and sit next to you. the court seems much better when it’s empty, free from the loud cheers of spectators, but that could be just you.
“i was, as you see, but i saw you up here and thought it was time for a break,” you could see his teammates shake heads at him in disappointment, proceeding to continue with their practice. “what’s up?”
you don’t respond to him and instead, take your time watching the others practise their shots. you watch the way one of them, who you think is taehyun, goes for a dunk, credits to hanbin for telling you names for a few shots. next to you, heeseung shouts out a tip or two for the boy for him to have an easier and effective approach at the said move. heeseung is good at dunks, you’ve heard it from students, you’ve seen it in the last match as well. just one shot was enough to tell you how good he is at it, it’s like basketball flows in his veins, like he can close his eyes and still manage to get a basket.
your eyes ghost up the court and shift to him— there’s a content smile on his face, a relaxed posture as if there’s nothing for him to worry about. he takes a sip from his energy drink, you wonder if he, or anyone from the team, even gets time to have their meals. the expression on his face, it’s something you’ve never seen on him during lessons. it takes you back to the match, how he looked on court a day before, certain of every move he made, every step, every breath, without doubts, no second thoughts. you’ve done enough lab projects with heeseung to know how his hands shake when he’s preparing a slide or extracting a sample from a centrifuge, afraid that one wrong move and he would mess up the efforts of everyone in the group. that hesitation is nowhere to be seen on the court, gone like it has never existed. as if lee heeseung, the star student and player, has never had an encounter with nervousness and hesitation in his life. there’s a thin line between studies and sport for him, you finally realise it after much consideration. maybe, you’re going beyond your boundaries and making assumptions about a guy you barely know, even if you would never voice all these thoughts to him, you think you know the reason why there’s a different him on the stage when the ball is in hands.
“how did you realise that you like basketball? you know, like it enough to devote so much of your time and have it alongside studies?” because even if biotech is something he’s studying and wants to make a career in, you guess that it’s just a source of satisfaction. in your eyes, through your perception, basketball is what makes him truly happy.
you don’t know why someone wouldn’t pick satisfaction over happiness, especially when it’s coming with its hands full of opportunities to grab that bag.
“eh, i don’t have a sob story about it, if that is what you’re hoping for,” he chugs down the contents of the can before crushing it to the slightest, eyes squinting at the opposite wall before they move back to meet yours. “i never had to sit and think about basketball and studies, you know, as in how am i going to manage both of them. it just happened. i started playing basketball in middle school and it has been with me ever since,”
heeseung’s side of the story is simple— a mediocre guy who was introduced to sports by his older brother and now, it’s one of the most important things in his life. middle school heeseung preferred staying in and playing video games instead of going out. in fact, middle school heeseung resembles you in all the ways that make him different from you right now. he has been good at learning and remembering things, he takes liking to things quicker than others do. basketball was like for him— easy, quick, fun, like a way to release all the stress after a long day at school. in heeseung’s story, there isn’t a main character who helped him choose the path he’s walking right now. instead, all he had was his family who introduced him to the various aspects and opportunities, and he simply ended up joining hands with the ones he liked, deciding to not let it go before the dead end.
“i want to have that passion for things,” a soft laughter falls off your lips, it’s an attempt to make your sob story look less pitiful. “i used to paint and play piano— but painting, mostly, was really good at it. i learnt how to draw before i learnt how to tie my shoelaces. i couldn’t go a day without painting, but then highschool happened, i had pressure to do well, expectations from friends and family, had a dream outside painting, and now, i haven’t painted in years,”
unlike heeseung, art started as more than just a side business to you. it’s not something you were introduced to in the middle of your life but rather is something you grew up with. you can blame or credit your mother for making paintings and having them in almost every corner of your house. it’s one of the reasons why at five years old you were beyond fascinated at all the patterns and colours. no one would’ve guessed that science would manage to sweep you off your feet right from the first grade, given the way your hands danced a duet to their own melody along with a paintbrush, as if each stroke has a conscious life of its own. no one would’ve guessed that your mother would tell you to stop painting and focus on studies, neither would they have known that she would become the reason why you no longer feel the same way about art. as stated before, life is unpredictable— because no one would’ve guessed that sitting here on the bleachers with heeseung and sharing a piece of your life would water the seeds of doubts in your heart, the ones that bloom at the sight of him.
he thinks your story is sad— with all due respect, without sarcasm, of course. it’s the best he can say. “i think it’s more of a ‘connection’ thing. you think you’ve lost the connection but you simply need to pickup a canvas and some colours to relink, if you get me,” because heeseung has had somewhat of a same experience, with music, and sitting front of a piano to play one of sibelius’ symphonies after senior year highschool finals was all it took him to find his lost interest in music. even though it’s nothing more than just a hobby, even if it's just something he considers as a way to pass time, heeseung knows how it feels to let go of something that is an integral part of one’s life.
“it has always been about timing, heeseung,” you shake your head, trying to prove him wrong using your own arguments. “you think i haven’t tried painting again? i still have art supplies stacked up in my cupboard. it’s all about timing. when you like something, you only get a few chances to make sure it stays with you for a lifetime. how many people do you know who have given up on their hobbies because they claim to have lost interest? the thing is, the interest is still there, it’s the inability and fear of not being able to do it again. if you timing is off, no matter how much you try, things won’t work, and what you love will end up becoming a closed chapter of your life,”
a pause. he sits still, eyes admiring your face while his mind is busy replaying your words in the back of his head. heeseung wonders how valid they are when it comes to people. he likes you, despite the constant denial which is only for show, by the way. it doesn’t take a scientist to read him. reading him isn’t even close to rocket science, he doesn’t understand how you haven’t caught up even after being incredibly smart. he has seen you hang out with hanbin— heeseung hates that guy, by the way. there’s no solid logic, it’s just that hanbin seems to be around you all the time and heeseung thinks of him as a leech sucking blood off its host. heeseung would never admit but it’s just his jealousy playing tricks on him, and even though it doesn’t look like you have any romantic feelings towards that guy, it would be fucking embarrassing for heeseung lose you to a guy who isn’t even half as qualified as him. ( yes, he is judging characters based on academic qualifications, no heeseung wouldn’t explain why )
“i like you,” and so, he lets his feelings win for once, deciding to let his heart take control instead, closing doors to any room for rational thinking like it never existed. “you said it was about timing, about trying hard enough and having only a few chances, perhaps, just one bullet, and i’m shooting my shot right now. i don’t want to remember you as a closed chapter of my life,”
it would be such a waste of chemistry if you end up becoming just a closed chapter of his life. heeseung has done his research, more like reading tons of books and watching hundreds of movies to understand the potential that two academic rivals have. no one knows this, not even his closest friends, but heeseung’s favourite genre might simply be enemies to lovers and living that trope doesn’t sound as bad when it’s with you. he has spent hours thinking about the number of productive library dates you could have, working on projects together and brainstorming about the next biggest revolution in the RDT world, changing the public’s outlook at genetics forever. it sounds stupid and makes him sound even stupider, even as a lost cause, but heeseung doesn’t care. in his mind, it’s the best date someone could have. to live and become successful together, it sounds like a perfect plan to him.
truthfully, you have always been a part of heeseung’s future, near or distant. he always always pictures you in his life, standing next to him during graduation, bidding goodbyes at farewell, exchanging shy greetings at reunions ten years later while reminiscing about everything he did to irritate you, that would sound embarrassing a decade later. your presence will always be significant to him, he just hopes to remember you as something more than just a rival, just a classmate he never really got to know, just a person he spent his two years hating upon, just a crush he didn’t get to confess to.
the catch— heeseung has already started picturing his future and you are not even sure of your present— and while he is looking at you for an answer, you’re lost inside your head, looking for words to articulate.
heeseung is someone you planned to stay away from for the rest of your university life. him stepping into your life already costs you a lot, namely: dropping in ranks and losing your infamous title. his actions cost you the time you could use to study, which is actually upon you because you can simply ignore him instead of spending hours on thinking about his hows, whens and whats. heeseung was supposed to be the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, but beyond rivalry, feelings, etcetera. you knew the way you felt about him, even though you couldn’t be as certain as him, or even to claim you see him the same way he feels about you.
turns out, heeseung has always been sure of certain things in his life.
“heeseung, i’m—”
“not sure? busy? stressed? i know you have a lot of things going on right now. take your time, study for the finals, finish your papers, sort out your own issues and then come back to me. i’ll be waiting,” it’s like he’s not only good at studying but also at reading minds, because heeseung seems to have guessed a part of exactly what you’ve been thinking. call it timing, jay calls him to get back to practice just a few seconds later— a perfect excuse to leave. “looks like my break is over,”
you sit speechless, watching him walk away like an opportunity that just walked out of your hand. it feels like a slight defeat, like a test you failed when you could've scored better, if not a full score. it's funny because this wasn't a competition, you weren't rejected, more like you rejected him, but it still feels like he has the upper hand. it's funny and equally annoying because heeseung is supposed to be nothing more than just a nobody, somebody you aren't even supposed to spare two thoughts on, but here you are sitting with the guy with your feelings all over the place.
“heeseung,” you stand up, your voice making him turn to look at you, both of you ignoring the sight of his teammates standing motionless in their positions, too stunned at your voice reverberating in the almost empty court. “let’s do this: if you manage to stand first in the finals, i’ll date you,”
a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition. his lips morph into a smirk, the ones he'd pass you before tests, an open challenge offered directly to you. “and if i don’t?”
and you mirror the same smirk back at him, you weren't going to back off simply because it's about the person you possibly have a crush on. “i become just a closed chapter of your life,”
let the game begin.
III. LIAR AND THE LOVER
despite heeseung’s sudden confession, you’re doing quite well, taking it better than expected. you had your moment of confusion back when the words of proposal fell off his lips— anyone would. after all, it’s lee heeseung we’re talking about. you can only imagine the saddened faces of his fangirls once they hear about him confessing to you.
“jay told me you made a bet with heeseung?” hanbin’s question catches your attention as soon as he steps into the cafe, managing to turn a few heads towards you in the process.
“you know jay?”
he sits next to you, pulling out his laptop in a hurry. you can guess it’s because of his essay that’s due before six in the evening, one he could’ve written last night instead of getting wasted at his friend’s birthday gathering. “we share history, also, that’s not the answer to my question,”
“it’s not a bet, ‘bin,” your words aren’t half wrong. “just a silly game, y’know? i didn’t even expect him to agree,” frankly, even you don’t know why or how you came up with such a bizarre idea in broad daylight. usually, people get bouts of excitement or embarrassment while confessing or being confessed to, but in your case, you jumped over the fence and made a proposal that you have only seen in fiction.
“nah, no way you’re setting up your whole love life for failure and calling it a silly game,” the disappointment is evident in hanbin’s voice as his fingers danced over his keyboard, typing with a speed that could leave the trains behind. well, people tend to get like that when you have an assignment due and the deadline is just a few hours to go. you guess that he’s too busy to even listen to your reasoning, which is appreciated considering you have no reasoning as for why you did what you did.
“you made a bet with heeseung,” you turn your head around, making the boy next to you do the same in the process. it’s miyeon— you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. your actions have consequences, as always, and one of them is dealing with her non-stop interrogation as if you’re the prime suspect for some gruesome crime and every question answered wrong opens gates to capital punishment. sometimes, you wonder why she didn’t go with studying law instead.
“how do you know?”
“everyone knows, yn. it’s all they’ve been talking about,” she sighs, sitting opposite to you while taking a look at hanbin’s laptop. “even the football fanatics are talking about attending the game, god, hanbin we better hurry that day or we’re not getting a seat,” you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. miyeon might not be the most social person, but she definitely is the most updated. nothing escapes her, every tiny incident reaches her ears one way or another, and if not, then she just finds out about it using her sources, given you don’t know about her sources. it’s one of the reasons why you’re almost convinced that she runs a shady side business alongside her career in bioengineering.
you take a sharp breath, going through the bunch of papers arranged in your file. “it’s not that serious. he confessed to me and i said i’d date him if he manages to secure the first position in the finals as well,”
“you did that knowing he hasn’t been studying because of games while you’re studying like your life depends on it? there’s no way he’s going to be first, and everything aside, it was a wrong fucking move to play with his feelings,” play with his feelings— a pause, you don’t like how it sounds. you’re not playing with his feelings, that’s far from what you’re doing. it’s a game, a competition, new to your friends but you and heeseung have always been familiar with it. there’s an unspoken rule to test each other’s limits. the last time you and heeseung did something like this, it resulted with you writing ‘lee heeseung is smarter than ln yn,’ in bold on a sheet of paper and putting it on the notice board for the whole campus to see. in your eyes, it's history repeating itself yet again. sure, there is something else at stake, but the rules are the same, and you don’t know why your friends are acting like you’ve done something terribly unethical.
“no one’s playing with his feelings, miyeon, and i know for a fact he’s making time to study for finals,” you clarify your side, slight annoyance evident in your voice. “besides, it doesn’t matter. it’s not like this is serious, i only did this to buy time to figure out my feelings while the game gives me a reason to study and not get distracted. you know how i get when i lose focus,”
that could be the reasoning behind your actions, of course. even while sitting in a cafe with your friends and having a conversation that is about to make your blood boil, you’re thinking of heeseung in the back of your head. his words play over and over again like a broken record player, the image of him on court or studying pops up in your mind every now and then. obsession is a disease and you have it bad. it’s crazy to be thinking about someone so much without being absolutely floored for them.
“so you’ll date him despite the outcome?” hanbin drags you out of the well of your thoughts, a question that leaves miyeon flabbergasted.
“if i manage to figure out my feelings then of course,” a chuckle falls off your lips. “i’m telling you guys, it’s not that serious. i’m sure he knows it too,” and you’re really confident about this— it usually never ends on a good note.
“and if he doesn’t? what if it’s serious for him? yn, you never know how one thing might affect someone, and feelings are not something to gamble on. you should’ve told him you need some time to think instead of giving him a false hope or whatsoever,” it’s now that you start having second thoughts. the next two hours go by amidst silence, a few small talks blooming here and there, but dissolving just as quickly within the ticking clock of deadlines for assignments and exams.
it doesn’t take a scientist to know when miyeon is upset, for she isn’t the best at masking her emotions. through the sneaky glances at her that you’ve stolen over time, you can tell she’d rather spend the evening in silence than talk to you, which is a challenge with herself because she’s really talkative. it takes two to sing a duet, two to play and game, two people to make a relationship work. heeseung and you— the two of you are enough to make decisions for yourselves, decide what’s right and wrong and, something about miyeon questioning your choices doesn’t sit right with you.
too many cooks spoil the broth, it’s the principle of your life, the words you’ve been following to this date. it was your decision to have a few friends instead of a fifty— quality over quantity, as one might call it— and there has never been a moment when you regretted having a handful of people to call friends. instead of consulting too many people about your major in university, you simply went with what your parents and homeroom teacher suggested. life has been good so far. the more the better is something that isn’t applicable in your case. instead of telling everyone about your dilemma regarding heeseung, you decided to keep it to yourself, eventually opening up to heeseung when the time comes. you’re doing just fine on your own, it doesn’t make sense to you why a third person’s opinion is making you doubt your decision making abilities that you’ve been so proud of.
this is not a gamble, you tell yourself, it’s a fair play. you gave him options, he made the choice, it’s consensual. you didn’t force him into this game, he didn’t pressure you to respond, it’s a harmless competition that’s bound to have a positive outcome. you even spend a good fifteen minutes wondering if you should go back to heeseung and take it all back in case he finds it insensitive to put his feelings on the line. doing it in person seemed impossible so you resorted to texts, typing and deleting your message before giving up altogether. in your head, this was an okay decision. a sweet confession, a person with unsure feelings, a harmless competition.
you hope it doesn’t backfire ten times worse.
.
.
.
three days later, you find yourself on the way to basketball club rooms once again. you checked the court, it was empty, and your only option was to check the club slash locker rooms if you wanted to see heeseung. okay, first things first, you don’t miss him— maybe a little, but it’s because you miss hearing his weird ass answers in class even though they’re right. heeseung just has an unique approach to things, in other words he simply knows how to buy time and go in detail about things he’s an expert at to impress the professors. however, that doesn’t seem to be the case for him because he has approached you six times in the past three days, asking if you’re free to hangout.
you like to think he misses you or that his requests were because he wanted to make sure you don’t study and lose to him, either could be true. knowing heeseung, he’s capable of going both ways. whatever may be the reason, you turned him down all six times, and it’s not because you have something against him— of course, you don’t. that’s common knowledge by now— your reason for not hanging out with him is studies, as expected of you honestly. the bet aside, you had way too many chapters to learn before exams and all heeseung ever does is take up your headspace everytime you sit down with your books spread open. avoiding him in thoughts wasn’t possible so avoiding him in person was your last straw.
which leads to the present : you rushing to heeseung, again, not because you miss him but because you need his help, though one of the reasons could be that you feel bad for turning him down six times. you can hear muffled laughter from a distance as you approach the club rooms, a bang against one of the lockers, a loud profanity that follows afterwards. their humour is beyond your level of understanding.
“heese— oh, um—” you greet and turn away just as quickly when you realise that one of them is shirtless. it’s obviously heeseung, you can’t mistake his face for someone else. and you’re guessing he’s the last one to come out of shower because everyone else is dressed, maybe he’s someone who likes to take his time showering— you seriously need to stop thinking before your imagination goes bonkers. “sorry, can you come outside for a second when you’re ready?”
another round of laughter follows, more like teasing remarks because you can swear you heard a few of them refer to you as his girlfriend, and it gets you a little flustered, you won’t lie. you even hear one of them yell ‘ooh, get it, heeseung,’ as heeseung walks out, fixing his t-shirt, responding back with his middle finger up at whoever made the comment.
“hi,” his voice isn’t much louder than a whisper, eyes fluttering between you, the floor, and his teammates who pretend to not look when you peek inside. there’s a soft smile on his face— it’s cute, you think, and then rethink what you just thought. heeseung is, well, not cute— usually. he’s good-looking, handsome, hot, sexy, even, since you’re on the topic of finding adverbs that suit heeseung. cute is rarely one of them, you don’t think you’ve seen him as flustered as he is right now— rubbing his nape, a tint of pink on his cheeks, avoiding eye-contact— that’s far from the heeseung you’ve been seeing for past two semesters.
“hi, can you send me the pdf of the extra set of questions that prof sent last week? i think i accidentally deleted it while clearing up my storage,” you get straight to the point, trying not to waste much of your precious time. “i could’ve texted you but figured you’d be too busy with practice to check messages,” you remember what happened last time; he took six days to reply to your texts. you’re quite a patient person otherwise but in this case, you’re in dire need of questions to practise for tomorrow’s mock.
“ah, sure, give me a minute,” and he pulls out his phone, scrolling through an ocean of files and documents to look for the one you need. you do think he’s gorgeous though, it’s a well known fact that he’s stunning, but you think this look of heeseung surpasses the other ones quite easily— hairs wet after shower, partially covering his forehead, a white t-shirt that’s slightly wet near the shoulders because of the water dripping down— you wish he’d at least dry his hair before catching a cold. “actually, i would have replied to your texts if you had— oh, yes, there you go. do you want me to email it to you or…?”
“oh, just texts would be fine, thank you,”
“done,” a pause, you feel his eyes on you as you go through the pdf to take a brief look at the contents. “do you want to go for a walk? or are you getting back to studies?” at this point, you’re sure that question is a way to tease you about your obsession with studies. heeseung may think you’re overdoing it because you want to win, but it’s no more than the normal amount of hours you spend studying. he never paid you any attention to care about that.
“no, i’m done for today, actually,” and that’s a big fat lie considering you were planning to solve some questions and revise two chapters before leaving the campus, but it’s fine. you feel bad for rejecting him six times either way.
never in your life did you imagine that you’d be going on a walk with heeseung. it’s nothing serious, you just didn’t think there would be a day where you two would have normal people conversation while doing normal people activities instead of trying to disparage each other based on grades and academic performances. to think about it now, heeseung isn’t half bad, it was all in your head. it’s not like you had vile assumptions about him, you did find him annoying and way too prideful— anyone like him would be, actually, and heeseung is still quite humble about his achievements because if it was someone else, they sure would have made it everyone’s problem.
actually, heeseung is insufferable as well. you remember your first encounter with him, first and so far, the worst— in the laboratory. you and heeseung sat next to each other and when the professor asked him to briefly explain his experiment, you realised it’s oddly similar to yours. you had accused him of cheating, like any sane person would, which led to him getting two scores less than a perfect. he only lost one score because of you, actually, and that too because you were professor’s favourite and heeseung was new to the department. the other score, you don’t know where he missed, but that incident led to heeseung deleting your powerpoint thirty minutes before your presentation, which led you stealing his notes and selling it some junior through an undercover twitter account, which led to the professor asking you to help him with notes before exams, and everything ultimately led to the realisation that heeseung is actually quite decent if you behave with decency as well. the give and take is serious for him, because he gave you notes and so, you had to take his offer of going on a walk. even though it seemed like you had a choice, a part of you knew it was a mirage. you would’ve ended up on a walk with heeseung one way or another.
“i come here whenever i’m tired or just not feeling well,” he says and you wake up from your daydream of memories you shared with heeseung. the way he phrases his words makes it sound like he has brought you to one of his most secret locations, one that no one knows except taehyun, probably, considering they’re close friends, but in reality, it’s the playground you pass by every single day on your way from your apartment to university.
“oh, are you okay? are you nervous for tomorrow’s match?” you continue, deciding you shouldn’t ruin his favourite place for him. honestly, no one would’ve guessed that lee heeseung would come to a children’s park on bad days.
“actually, this walk was for you, you looked like you’d pass out if you spent another hour in front of books,” and you’re done, standing speechless with your eyes wide open at his words that he says with a victorious smile on his face. “you should start taking breaks, yn. it’s not a bad thing to go home earlier when you’re tired,”
he’s right, oh, you know he’s absolutely right about everything he just said, from passing out to going home. a part of him probably even feels glad to have you out on his little walk with him, you’re getting your well deserved rest, thanks to him. heeseung might even ask if he can walk you home considering you’re ‘done for today,’ which is very thoughtful of him— but what does this make you? a liar? miyeon was right, you’re gambling, even though it’s not that serious. so far, you’ve lied about being done with your studies and the bet you made with heeseung because at this point, it’s more like a prank, except it’s not funny and that it might end up with him getting upset with you because tomorrow is basketball tournament’s finals and you’re here wasting his time, all because you lied.
a liar and a lover, on a date at children’s park— match made in theatre club, you’d say.
“are you sure this is not your way to manipulate into not studying and losing to you, just so you can date me?” you try to play it cool, knowing very well that it can be one of his tricks or whatsoever. after all, it’s the same heeseung who made you trip in front of your class just three days after being transferred.
“i was being genuine but it doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” of course, it doesn’t. he gets to win, after all. “can i walk you home?” just as you had guessed.
“i would love to go home but my bag is still in the library,” you had considered taking it with you, actually, but dismissed the thought once you realised you had to come back to the library and continue with your studies. albeit, you’re not studying, that’s on you for lying into oblivion and giving into his requests.
once again, you two are back to walking, this time back to the university campus. it’s nice, having a walk with heeseung, it’s sweet, slow, comforting, like slow music flowing around and engulfing you in its arms. the unsaid words are weighing on your shoulders, you can feel the pressure, but it’s not awkward. above the busy hustle of the city and blaring horns, it’s a quiet world with heeseung, it’s nice, like a warm hug after a long day. you didn’t think you had it in yourself to spend a minute next to him without overthinking and possibly starting a banter. you didn’t think heeseung had it in him either, to make a walk feel so close to home.
“so, how are you coping knowing you’re going to lose once again?” and, it’s back again. everything is a hoax actually— his looks? a trap. his smile? a trap. it’s all a facade because once he opens his mouth, nothing but horseshit comes out of it.
“very well, in fact, because i know i’m the one getting that first spot this time,” call it overconfidence but you really do think you’ll get your title back this time. you’ve been studying well and hard enough, solving questions and going through every extra set of notes and exercises your professor sent. although, you would claim to beat heeseung had you been prepared or not because it’s fun messing with him.
“i’d rather have you show some mercy, in that case,” before you know it, you’re already standing in front of the library. “academic defeat and a heartbreak, it already sounds painful. i hope you go easy on me,” it’s sarcastic, of course, all these saccharine words of confessions made you forget how he is under the layers of smiles and winks that adorn his face. a session full of silence follows, the comforting tranquillity morphing into something tensed as he steps closer, your breath getting caught up in your throat as your mind dysfunctions— it’s the effect he has.
“heeseung,” you put a finger on his lips— the only thing between him and you, the only thing helping you stay sane and composed at the moment, because only you know the struggle of pulling yourself together while standing inches away from heeseung as he grabs your wrist and plants a soft kiss on your finger before removing it from his lips.
“why, that’s unfair. you get to see me anytime you want while i have to wait because you’re busy studying, you even get to see me shirtless, and i can’t even get a kiss?” and you hate the look in his eyes, you hate how close he is standing and how it makes your heart go crazy. this isn’t even the beginning and you hate how you feel like you’ve already lost, and you hate how confident he is with every breath he breathes against your lips. “just kidding, see you tomorrow,”
and you hate how this is where you realise that you’ve fallen deep, and you’ve fallen hard.
IV. PLANET TO A SUN
heeseung has been thinking about the walk for an hour and twenty-seven minutes— actually more, ever since the moment he got home last night, but that is how long he has been practising for, eyes on the ball but mind revolving around you like a planet to a sun. you had texted him about a rule this morning— no kissing before finals. actually no kissing before we start dating, lee— your exact words. they have been holding him back from thinking straight, even made him practise an apology while looking in the mirror if in case his actions offended you in any way. lost in thought, heeseung manages to get another shot in. that’s twenty-third in a row ever since he stepped on the court, which is unbelievable, even for him.
“is it just me or did heeseung’s performance improve overnight?” jake looks up at jay, fastening his shoelace, a chuckle escaping his lips that goes unnoticed.
the latter offers a hand to jake, helping him stand as they share a laugh before jay passes him the ball. “well, of course it will. he has to impress his girlfriend today at finals,”
“she’s not my girlfriend,” heeseung grunts almost as if hearing you and the word girlfriend in the same sentences cuts ten years from his lifespan. he knows it doesn’t, he’d kill to call you his’. the reason behind his edgy behaviour is your text and the weird rule you’ve inserted in an already weird bet— it’s not like he minds it, the bet, obviously. heeseung definitely minds not getting to kiss you for the next few weeks.
“yet,” jay clarifies, emphasising enough for the world to understand that his words are supposed to be in italics. “she will be if you score more than her in finals, which i don’t think is possible because unlike you, she has been studying all day everyday. i don’t know how she’s still alive,” and jay isn’t half bad student himself. juniors in business have his name residing on the tips of their tongues. he simply thinks you’re a freak for being in no clubs and not participating in anything that doesn’t involve studying.
“she’s the top student for a reason,” jake adds.
“i am the top student,” and hearing his friends call you the top students hurts heeseung’s ego a little bit. crushes aside, you’re his rival before his girlfriend, and you’re not even his girlfriend. you’re basically just a rival. “also, it’s not hard to study all day if you’re used to it,”
and jay scoffs in disbelief. “right, you would know something about it, lee i can’t go a day without playing basketball heeseung,”
“hey, everyone,” your voice reverberating in the court is what stops heeseung from responding to jay with a snarky remark. “just wanted to wish you all goodluck. i really hope you guys win the tournament or else, it’s going to be hard for heeseung to deal with two loses after i beat him in finals as well,”
heeseung rolls his eyes in disbelief, you hear taehyun exclaim that he has been team yn since the very first day, a claim that few others proceed to back up, especially sunghoon, with his own lore of how he prays everyday for you to win the bet with heeseung. you’re honoured to receive such support, to some extent. a part of you still wishes for the whole thing to be a secret restricted to just heeseung and you but again, it was your fault for placing bets in court, in front of the entirety of the basketball team to witness, even their coach.
“you’re a little too confident, don’t you think so?” he smirks, taking a few steps towards you with the ball supported between his arms and torso. “let me know where you’d like to go for our first date,” and it turns out heeseung is just as confident about winning the bet as you, perhaps even more. you are not surprised, being defending champions does that to people, or so you believe.
“mhm, let’s have you score a date first, lee,” you would have loved to talk more but decide to bid your goodbyes as soon as hanbin’s message pops up on your phone, the little scowl on heeseung’s face going unnoticed the moment he sees his name on your phone screen. heeseung would never in his wildest dream confess to being jealous— it doesn’t even make sense for him to be jealous of hanbin because he confessed to you, and you seem to like him back. his worries are pointless just like the useless art projects his art teacher used to assign in middle school.
your fingers dance on the keyboard of your phone as you reply to hanbin, the subtle taps synchronous with your steps with you rushing across the quadrangle, taking the nearest flight of stairs to the library. you wanted to spend the day at your apartment since classes are suspended for the rest of the day on account of the match. however, hanbin managed to convince you into coming to the library to help him with a few assignments here and there. you’re not opposed to studying on days-off, in fact you think it’s better since you get all twenty-four hours to yourself instead of investing any of it in classes. the match gave you an excuse to call in for a break, or an excuse to take your time choosing the outfits as if you’re the main character on such a big day.
the librarian gestures to you to slow down the moment you almost avoid slipping on the tiled floor, in the process of holding the door frame to stop yourself, an embarrassed apology makes its way from you to her as you spot hanbin in the further corner with his airpods plugged in. your first instinct is to scare him from behind but the thought leaves your mind as soon as you remember that you’re in a library, and getting kicked out on a day that has been treating you well so far doesn’t sound so smart.
so, you settle with approaching normal, instead of pulling random stunts, pulling out the chair opposite to him quietly to not make any sounds, mumbling a soft ‘hi’ as he takes out one of his airpods. “where’s miyeon?”
“sick, she’s skipping today’s match as well,” hanbin replies, eyes fixed on the notes he's copying from the laptop to loose sheets of paper, before looking up at you with another question on the tip of his tongue. “are you two still not talking?”
“we did, none of us brought up what happened that day, though,” you shrug as if it doesn't bother you anymore, as if you don't want it to bother you more than it already does.
miyeon and you have known each other since university, she was a senior in undergrad course who was forced by financial circumstances to skip one academic year, thus rejoining in third year along with you and hanbin. seeing her was less frequent while she was still a senior, although you're not sure if you've spent more than three days away from her ever since postgrad school started. a heavy tension masks all your conversations with her, over texts or in person, and even though you're trying to act like the small talks with her don't hurt you, a part of you is starting to miss the best friend you used to talk to all night, about wasted matters and sharing useless gossip.
silence fills in for the lack of words between you and hanbin and you allow it to do so, deciding not to disturb the decorum of the library anymore. you scroll through your phone mindlessly, there’s nothing to look at except people going crazy about the evening's match. you even manage to stumble upon a thread of arguments featuring students of your university and the one the team is going against. it’s all empty threats, seriously, ‘kys’ and ‘ur mom’s in my bed’ aren’t even insults at this point. they’re funny, sometimes, but you’ll never understand why or how they ended up being insults. ( honestly, you don’t see the potential )
“are you serious about heeseung?” a crack in the ice, hanbin's question catches you off guard, with a number of questions running back and forth in your mind before you settle with the one to respond with in return.
you blink in confusion. “i guess so, why?”
“nothing, it’s just i never expected it to be him, y’know, considering your history,” you think it's unavoidable, questions along these lines, they would've been asked sooner or later. truthfully, even you didn't expect yourself to fall for heeseung.
your history, what even is there to call history except blood and war? both you and heeseung have been up each other's neck from the moment your gazes collided. it sounds like a stupid beef between highschool students, almost embarrassing now that you both are nearing post graduation. with all the days that you’ve spent thinking about ways to get on his nerves, or worse— ruin his projects, it wasn’t just you who resorted to ruining each other’s hard work— no one would have known you and heeseung would ever end up on this note, with him chasing you and you pinning for him, all under the blankets of a silly bet.
“well, as i always say, hanbin, life is unpredictable,” there’s a smile dancing on your lips, a dazzling hint of factuality in your eyes. “besides, he’s a nice guy behind all the annoying things he does. i think he's pretty serious about me, or us, too,”
hanbin has noticed the way you smile at your phone. it doesn’t always happen, only when you’re talking with miyeon or a few friends from highschool, now heeseung ranks up on that list as well. he’d be lying if the uneasiness doesn’t bother him, it’s bound to surface when he remembers all the nights you spent complaining about heeseung. actually, the rant session included hanbin, you and miyeon, but she would rather go to sleep than listen to you complain like a child for hours on roll, leaving you and hanbin driving the conversation. he has lost count of the amount of times you’ve ended up crying in the process, or the amount of times he has hung up on you only to show up at your place late at night to make sure you’re doing okay, and the nights you two have spent watching movies and falling asleep on the couch, followed by the mornings gone by with miyeon being salty over the fact that none of you invited her to your impromptu nightover.
the thought of heeseung confessing to you still surprises hanbin, it’s one of the things he deemed as impossible since forever. and he can go, warn heeseung about hurting you, dropping all sorts of threats at the boy. hanbin can go on for hours about how he would make heeseung’s life a living hell if he ever broke your heart. he can prove the righteous friend that he is, but at the end of day, he would always be the third person between you and heeseung. hanbin can only assume so much about you two, not even sure if all of it is right. he can only wish so much for you to have eyes for someone else.
and so, all he does is shoot a smile at you. “i hope he is,”
.
.
.
the only time you step out of the library is exactly three hours and thirty three minutes later, to sprint towards the basketball knowing that you absolutely cannot afford losing seats in the first two rows. fortunately, or unfortunately enough, you’re not the only student going crazy about the game. you can swear at least a dozen came out of the library right after you, even though all of them may not attend the game.
you’re already running late— well, still twenty minutes early but that doesn’t give you much time to meet the team and secure the front row seats. and meeting the team is an excuse, let’s be honest. you want to meet heeseung, have a quick private talk, kiss him good luck, you don’t know; you wouldn’t. your head is in a mess, behind you hanbin is yelling for you to slow down as you run down the stairs. half of you is worrying about seats and the other half is wording her sentences out for you to say when you meet heeseung, and the team. you can wish them all the luck in the world, after all, it’s the university team and you would love to see them win. the whole craze about sports doesn’t feel real and worth the hype but things start coming full circle when you’re the one watching. slowly, as one would expect, but you are starting to understand why everyone goes bonkers during tournament season.
“damn, slow down,” hanbin huffs, grabbing your arm for you to slow down. “it’s not like they wouldn’t start without you,”
“that’s the problem. what if they start without me?” but your legs wouldn’t rest before arriving at the court. you know your words sound funny, painting you as if the result of today’s match depends on you. it feels crazy to be this excited about a mere basketball match, nonetheless you know it’s not the match you’re actually looking forward to. “besides, i’m more worried about seats,”
“i asked hao to save two for us. he’s friends with heeseung, i think he will do that much for his friend’s girlfriend or whatsoever,” you see him roll his eyes at his own words, proceeding to slide his hands into yours before continuing on your way to the venue, this time a little slower.
you have heard about hao from hanbin and miyeon a few times. he’s pursuing a masters in music, wants to teach violin professionally according to hanbin. miyeon has even attended one of his recitals last autumn, something from sibelius, if you remember correctly. he is popular, and you see the depths of his popularity as soon as you spot him on the bleachers, surrounded by people left and right, one of them trying to grab a seat next to him before he points at you and hanbin, and the crowd goes mild, ultimately dissolves as the players step in.
“i didn’t know heeseung had a girlfriend,” you don’t know what you were expecting, perhaps a few words of greetings, hi’s and hello’s since you two are meeting for the first time. anything, except that question.
“believe me, i didn’t either,” and why even is heeseung going around telling everyone that you’re his girlfriend?
the court breaks into cheers as soon as the game commences and yet, it feels a little quite. perhaps, it’s miyeon’s absence getting to you. had it been her next to you instead of hanbin and hao— who are busy amongst themselves by the way, talking about anything but the match— she would’ve been eating snacks non-stop, giving you a little talk on every player, like a resume. it’s take her fifteen minutes to give you summaries on players from each team, their achievements, girlfriends and probably even mothers, who knows. although, you haven’t attend many games with miyeon to pinpoint every good and bad thing about her impromptu presentation, her unofficial commentary helped you sit throughout the match. it feels incomplete without her, not just the game but days in general. it’s definitely her absence making your surroundings feel quieter.
so, long story short, you don’t have a clue of what’s happening. well, you do, a little. you know what a dunk and a three pointer is besides the names of players on your university team, but that basically sums up your knowledge about basketball. all sorts of voices are mingling in the air but you’re busy following the ball around the court with your gaze, occasionally cursing and clapping when the team misses a close basket or scores a comparatively difficult basket. the tension between the two teams keeps rising as the game continues. you notice sunghoon groan in disappointment as one of the players from the opposite team gets in a banked shot from the wings, scoring two points for the team. a part of the crowd goes quieter at jay’s failed attempt to save the score for his team, beomgyu patting on jay’s back while muttering something along the lines of ‘good job.’ involuntarily, your eyes travel to heeseung, whose expression stiffens at the sight of the scoreboard displaying a two-point lag.
a time out call follows as the players move back to their respective ends, and it physically hurts you to see the difference in atmosphere between the two teams, or the frowns on the faces of players on your university team. for a second, you even consider walking down to them as they gather around the coach, grabbing water bottles and towels while nodding at the coach’s words between heavy breaths. you catch jake looking in your direction for a brief second, a smile makes its way to your lips before he responds with one as well, proceeding to nudge heeseung’s arm and pointing in your direction. his actions are left with no response— it hurts a little, although you are aware that anything else falls after winning the match on his priority list— and they get back on the court as the game resumes.
“they need to catch up soon,” hanbin mutters, taking a look at the clock. and even if it’s just a two point difference, you’re starting to understand why it creates a huge gap. it’s almost like scores on a test. going from eighty-three to ninety then hundred is easier than going from ninety-eight to hundred. greater differences are easier to overcome; for you have so many rooms for improvisation and thus, so many chances at closing the gap. the closer you are to a perfect score, the narrower are the chances and it’s almost impossible to pin-point and work on every single weakness of yours within those two points. you’re pretty sure your words would hardly make sense to anyone else, but nonetheless you understand why everyone on the court looks more attentive, probably like meerkats on the lookout for preys and predators.
much to your disappointment, the play continues with the rivals dominating the court, giving low to zero chances for the opposition to get their hands on the balls. you even see a few of them trying to provoke heeseung, the latter trying his best to not react but you’re afraid he would start throwing punches if another one of the players passed by him with his middle finger up heeseung’s face. one of them, who you assume is the captain judging from the way he has been directing his team, goes in for a hook, immediately getting blocked by taehyun as the court bursts into loud cheers once again.
“that was a little too far for a hook,” hao comments, and you nod as if you understand his words and know exactly how a hook is supposed to be. you didn’t even know about a hook until now, and you’re still not sure what it is since all the shots look almost the same to you.
from that second onwards, it felt as if the control transferred to heeseung’s teams as they transition quickly from defence to offence, making quick passes and running the court, practically catching the opposite team off guard. jay passes the ball to jake, who takes a leap from half court, driving towards the unguarded basket. a quick layup using the backboard, as you hear hanbin name the shot, and basically everyone runs to jake for scoring two points for the team as the scoreboards displays a sour tie. it’s a seemingly easy match after that, especially when the players look like they’re back into the game. sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung who goes for another layup and fails, much to his despair, before going in for a dunk and scoring yet another basket for the team, leading it by two points. you see him passing a cocky smirk at the player from before as jake pats him in the back with heeseung almost stumbling in the process.
heeseung shoots you a wink before focusing on sunghoon’s words as they get back into position, and even amidst the butterflies you got by his recent actions, you don’t miss the way he stretches his fingers, ring-finger specifically, pointing something about the movements to jay before getting his focus back to the game; and you just hope it isn’t what you’re thinking it is.
it’s a slow game after that, no points scored, four fouls with two of them back to back, one by each team respectively. the frustration increases on the court, evident in each step taken by the players, groans and sighs fill the atmosphere and get louder than the cheers that have gone quieter once again. it isn’t until a few minutes later that all the players run to the front court as soon as they see an opportunity for a fast break with taehyun taking the lead, passing the ball to jay just a few seconds after, who passes it to heeseung— and call it the lack of efficiency or bad timing, heeseung bumps into one of the players from opposite team, an uneven balance, and falls directly on his right knee, as one of the opposite players throws the ball off-bounds to stop the play.
the medics take him to the benches, bringing ice packs and everything else before escorting him inside. you considered following him inside before hanbin tells you that the officials aren’t letting anyone meet him, probably until they receive updates of his situations. you bite the inside of your cheeks in nervousness, palms sweating as if you’re about to appear for an exam you weren’t informed about until five minutes ago, or maybe it’s even worse. the murmurs from the crowd or the group of girls behind you, to be more specific, do nothing but make you feel more anxious. zhang hao, being a sports medicine student, tries to give you an insight on heeseung’s injury, telling you that even if he fell directly on his knee and it could result in a patella fracture, or perhaps just dislocation— words that compel you to yell at him to shut up before he ensures that heeseung will be fine. hanbin does that for you, noticing your slightly panicked state, telling hao to talk about anything but anatomy of how badly a simple injury can affect a player, and when sunghoon and taehyun return to the officials with an update on heeseung and a pale face, you knew you had to run to your heeseung as if it’s the end of the world.
“heeseung,” you breathe out, stepping aside to let the nurse from the infirmary leave before you walk closer to him. the awkwardness between you and other players, namely jay, jake and beomgyu, besides the coach, rings all the bells to remind you that coming here was probably a bad idea. well, of course, you like heeseung and are worried for him, but the tension in the air makes you feel like you showed up uninvited. “are you okay?”
you ask nonetheless, voice close to a whisper, as you stand at a distance, looking at the bruise on his knee. the smell of antiseptic spray fills your lungs, nose scrunching at the way you could almost taste the diclofenac at the back of your mouth.
“not really,” he inhales sharply, exhaling a reply once everyone left, knowing they had a game to get back to. “look at you, are you worried for me?”
“i’m regretting coming here now,” liar. and then you let the silence carry the conversation with itself for the next few minutes. you don’t know what to say— what can you say? all you do is sit next to him, hands brushing against his as his winces at the slightest touch. heeseung opened his mouth to say something before dismissing his words with a heavy sigh the very next moment. you almost hold his hand— almost, thinking of holding it ever so carefully as if it’s glass with thousands of cracks, and then you’d kiss it ever so delicately, you did it— almost, but then, it’s just you getting upset over the fact that he played even after hurting his hand.
“so, they’re benching you,” you say in an attempt to strike a conversation, a little conflicted with your choice of words, wondering if he even wants to hear about something related to the match at the moment.
“of course,” he says it like a matter of fact, a fact whose impact doesn’t seem to touch him. “please tell me they have jeno substituting for me. i’ve barely been getting updates in the group chat,” the least he expected was for one of the substitute players to keep him updated about the game through texts, and heeseung planned to get back to the court until you showed up, taking a seat next to him on the benches in the locker room. you don’t understand why they didn’t take him to the infirmary, and decided to think it’s because locker rooms are closer and if there’s anything heeseung should not be doing right now, it’s moving his injured leg.
you shrug. “i don’t know, i’ll ask hanbin,”
“thanks,” and even though heeseung isn’t really fond of your friend for reasons that are widely known, at least amidst his friend group, he really hopes hanbin is of some use.
it’s quiet now. you can hear faint cheers buried in the layers of walls and rooms that stand between the court and the locker room, a few muffled footsteps filling up any spaces left in the air, here and there. you assume it’s his fans trying to check up on him, as annoying as it sounds to you for you’d rather have this moment with him all to yourself. you hear him sigh heavily once every few minutes, trying to ball his injured fingers up in a fist to allow the slightest of moments and ensure healthy circulation, a soft hiss leaving his lips at the sensation of striking pain shooting up his nerves. unlike heeseung, your attention shifts to his injured knee with a faint chill running down your spine as you look at his bruise, which now looks more bluish than it was when you had arrived, signifying the possibly alarming amount of blood that has now clotted in the tissues.
“you can cry,” nudge him with your shoulders and heeseung directs you to the most disgusted face in return. “what? it’s the finals and you’re injured so you won’t be able to play today. any normal person would sob their eyes out,”
“i’m not a kid, yn,” he nudges back, a chuckle slipping off his lips.
“trying to act all cool but you’re probably going to cry yourself to sleep for days, or even weeks,” he holds out his hand for you to hold it as you stand up, an action you give into without opposition, intertwining your fingers with his. there’s a smug smile on your face and he sees it as well, although only you know the way your heart is somersaulting at the way your hands fit his’ like pieces of a puzzle. “i know what you are, heeseung,”
he scoffs at your words, hands still entwined, a lovesick glow in his eyes— it’s your first time seeing this side of him, you’re glad to be one of the people to see it. silence has never felt so comfortable to you. the distant noise from court feels like it rushed on its way to you and heeseung, and stopped at the doors, as if you two are beyond its reach. you might never say it to him, but everything seemingly ceases to exist when you’re with him, and the world feels timeless. it’s embarrassing, cringe, and it’s making your heart beat faster with the way he looks at you. “you need to shut up,”
“make me?” a quick response, one that was supposed to be a joke, a joke which was supposed to be accompanied by laughter and brushed off as another baseless comment, but another second passes as you continue to look into his eyes, and you realise you’re actually considering it— leaning in towards him while giving his hand a light tug to pull him towards you the slightest, your other hand cupping his face as your gaze ghosts up his eyes and settles on his lips. when it comes to him, rationality is out of the window and your lips are on his’ planting the softest kiss at the corner of his mouth before pulling away like nothing ever happened.
a pause; you could hear the silence ringing in your years, eyes fixed over him as if you’re spilling all your secrets to him, waiting for him to take a hint. “what even happened to the ‘no kissing before finals’ rule?’”
and you realise you had actually forgotten about it, for better and never for the worse, because as you said and as he repeated, it’s all about timing. empty locker rooms, quiet hallways with not a soul around, your hand in his, his eyes on you— the timing couldn’t be better, and you know better than messing up and letting heeseung become just a closed chapter of your life. “yeah, i could care less about that,”
there are a lot of things you could care less about, like the cold metal that stings against your back as he pushes you against the lockers, or the fact that anyone could walk in, any minute; you don’t care, don’t know. his lips are on yours and his hands are on your waist, it feels euphoric the way his lips move in synchrony with yours, fitting like puzzle pieces. heeseung tugs you closer by your waist, a faint gasp escaping your mouth that dissolves immediately into your breaths mingling together. it’s intoxicating and is making you go insane, the way he manages to sweep you off your feet with the smallest of actions and simplest of words— from the very first day.
heeseung was right, and you as well, it’s all about timing. from the day you first looked at him in a seminar, to the day he switched to biotech— you plan on asking him why because so far, all your guesses seem implausible— down to the day he confessed, leading up to this moment with you pressing against the lockers and his lips against against yours. heeseung sighs softly, cupping your cheeks and tilting your head to deepen the kiss, and you could feel the heat of his breath against your lips when you pull away just when it was about to get better, avoiding his lips when he leans in to chase yours barely a millisecond later. your eyes shift down to his hand, one that has been injured during the game, and you proceed to hold it carefully, brushing your lips over the bruise lightly before adorning it with feathery kisses as his other hand travels down to your waist once again, pulling you closer. “you should go easy on yourself,”
you whisper the exact same words he had told you a day ago, traversing your eyes back towards him while your gazes have a conversation so foreign, as if it’s only for the silence to understand. and it’s quite literally just the two of you basking in silence as he rests his head against the crook of your neck, planting a few kisses here and there before pulling you even closer, as if you were going to disappear any second. “i think, i’m in love with you,”
and timing be damned— because heeseung confesses to you once again, and then he’s kissing you once again, slowly, sweetly, in love, and timing doesn’t even matter because every second feels right with him. with the same air of delighted indifference he comes to know well in the gleam of your touch and the curl of your lips, you simply kiss him back as if to say, hate to admit, but i’m in love with you too. and timing really be damned because you hear loud rounds of cheers as you feel his shoulders stiffen. a slight disconnection between you and heeseung makes you wonder if he’s thinking about the results of the game, which is inevitable, but this is about you and him, and nothing else. you hear the notifications from his phone go off, hinting that the match is probably over, and you pull him into another kiss, another round of selfishness guised as an outlet for him to forget about the game, another round of messy make outs, tasting the freedom of ignorance.
and then you don’t hear from heeseung again.
V. OBJECT OF ALL DESIRES
days without heeseung feel like they’re forty-eight hours long.
you think it’s a disease or some sort of withdrawal syndrome. this isn’t your first time without him, in fact, you used to do just fine without him in your life until you let him in. at this point, it isn’t even about not being able to see him— heeseung has been absent for almost seven days. you even asked jay about him to see if he has been in contact with any of his teammates but much to your disappointment, he disappeared off the face of earth like he never existed. taehyun has constantly been reminding you to not fret too much, knowing that heeseung gets a little dramatic after losing matches. you can take his word, obviously, a friend from highschool would know heeseung better than a girl who started talking to him normally barely weeks ago, although you couldn’t help but worry about him as seconds passed like water dripping down the tap, disturbing the silence.
you know how losses feel— like a part of you has been taken out and you’re left to bleed. it’s worse when it’s about something you’ve loved all your life. you’ve walked next to losses, hand in hand. when you know you’ve lost something while having it in the palms of your hands the whole time, the feeling eats you inside. you wonder if heeseung is feeling the same way you think he is, even if he didn’t show it a week ago when you had met him in the clubroom, the feeling starts to sink in when you’re alone amidst the ghosts of nobodies. even though he was smiling and acting like the little shit he is, you felt anger and regret in the way he kissed you. there was a sense of numbness dripping down his fingertips in the way they brushed against your cheeks, cupping your face. you could’ve been a sweet escape— it hurts to admit that the emotions weren’t possibly real, but you couldn’t blame him.
losing a match, to put it in your words, meant failing in a test; and losing because of an injury, it’s like skipping a test you prepared for, because of fever. except tests can be rescheduled for students who missed— a luxury heeseung, as a basketball player, cannot enjoy. even you couldn’t believe your eyes when the students on the forum started talking about the lost match, all sorts of comments going around, though none targeted at heeseung, fortunately. yet, your first instinct was to dial his number— out of reach, the first thing you hear on the other side of the line, and all you’ve been hearing for days now.
you had considered cutting ties with him, not literally, but as in stopping to chase him as if he’s the oxygen you inspire. you could’ve showed up at miyeon’s place with apologies, her favourite snacks and a brief explanation of why you did what you did, and everything that has happened as the consequences of your own actions. with weekends approaching, you could’ve planned a two-day trip with her and hanbin before the winter snow made it hard to commute— just anything to get your mind off heeseung, since apparently, you weren’t on his mind either. albeit, you end up doing nothing, no trips, no plans to see miyeon, it’s just you and your bruised heart with soju on the side. your mind is way too cluttered with thoughts about heeseung to focus on studying and at the same time, it’s way too empty to try doing anything else.
so, you simply venture down the hallways, drowning in all kinds of thoughts, good and bad. you can use the time to study but concentration has been far out of your reach ever since the match, or ever since he went underground, to be more specific. the impromptu make out session was probably his last straw— it makes sense. you kissed someone who had been walked out of a match because of an injury instead of consoling them. you let your feelings get the best of you, making everything about yourself yet again. you won’t be surprised if heeseung decides to ghost you for the rest of his life after that; or maybe, that’s not possible since you see a familiar figure sitting in the outdoor basketball court, spinning the ball with it’s axis on the ground in a directionless manner.
“heeseung?” you notice his back tense at the sound of you calling his name, head down low as if he’s responding with an exasperated sigh. “where the hell have you been? i’ve been trying to reach you— heck, even your friends haven’t heard a word from you in days,”
“not now, yn, leave me alone,” and an exasperated sigh is what it was.
“look, i know—”
“just, what part of leaving me alone do you not understand?” you try to speak but heeseung cuts you off just as efficiently as he does other things, with annoyance heavily evident in his words. had it not been heeseung, you would’ve left already, for you have more important things to tend to, and you’re certainly not interested in matters you’re not supposed to be included in, if only it wasn’t heeseung, and if only you weren’t crazily worried for him.
“oh, i understand it clearly, every part, actually, and i also understand that you’re upset and leaving you alone would certainly not be the best move considering the way you went MIA for a week,” and you understand his impulses about disappearing into thin air, wishing the ground eats him up or for the walls to cave in till he’s entombed in them, but a person as smart as him should know taking out helps better than thinking about wanting to vanish. “we can sit and have a talk if you stop being such an asshole about it. i’m down to listen to—”
“fine, what do you want to hear about?” he cuts you off in annoyances, the ball rolls down to a distance like your heart when you see the unfamiliar emotion in his eyes. “you were right. i went home and have been crying myself to sleep. i haven’t been eating well either. i skipped five out of nine mocks and barely passed the four i gave, let’s add that too. is that enough?”
you don’t like the way he puts it, as if it’s supposed to make you feel better. maybe about the bet, maybe, since he’s supposed to rank above you in finals to get around dating you, and maybe watching him lose is supposed to offer you some sort of relief— seriously, what you’re feeling right now is far from that. guilt, anger, shame, you’re not unfamiliar with those emotions. they eat you inside and it’s not because you’ve met with defeat, it’s because of falling off all the expectations people had, giving them another reason to point fingers and laugh. you could be really over-reacting, but if you didn’t have your parents telling you it’s going to be fine every time you didn’t do well on tests, you don’t know where you would’ve been right now. and you think you can play a part of the same for heeseung, if not all.
you sit next to him, nose scrunching at the sight of dust on the cement laid with cracks. that’s what you get with an outdoor court no longer in use. you can see little plantlets germinating from the soil, emerging through the cracks, the rusted ring catches your eye. heeseung huffs as you settle next to him, wondering exactly how long the court has been unused for, considering its lack of maintenance. “let’s date,”
and your words are not what you were planning to say or what should be said in this situation, but they still manage to extract a response from him. “don’t play with me,”
“i’m not, in fact, that is what i’ve been wanting to say to you for days. of course, this isn’t the best timing, but i don’t know what else to say,” you pause in what feels like embarrassment. too bad, his crush is not good at conversations. sometimes you end up nodding and blinking for five minutes straight before saying anything, after a person opens up to you with tears and blood. “and, i’m not going to tell you to stop acting like a child or whatever because the team lost such an important match and somewhere, you’re blaming yourself for it, which you shouldn’t, by the way. all i need to say is that you still have the next year to make up for what you’ve lost now,”
second chances come with higher expectations from people along with words that end up making one feel worse about their situation. you’ve already heard a few students talk about how heeseung should’ve been more ‘careful’— as if it was his choice to get injured and lose the match. you know it wasn’t going to be easy, especially with his injury that probably requires him out of the court for weeks, but you hope that amidst whatever he’s feeling, between self-loath and regret, heeseung manages to find himself once again.
“actually, i’m planning to drop out of the team next year and focus on studies. my parents were already against me playing basketball during postgrad, i’m finally starting to notice why,” basketball could’ve been his entire career if heeseung’s grandmother had not wished for him to go into the medical field. seeing the insides of a person makes him want to empty his bowel from the mouth so biotechnology was his next option. heeseung thought having two hands would give him the benefit of managing basketball and academics together, unlike how his parents had wished for, but his recent mock scores and lack of time devoted to studies is making him question his choices. “and what the hell were you on about dating, by the way?”
you’re half immersed in your own thoughts until heeseung directs the question at you— brows furrowed, confusion shadowing his face— you realise it’s your turn to do the talking. “oh, you know, dating. i think we should start dating already, it’s quite inevitable after that day in the clubroom,”
it is evitable, really, but you’re down bad— with all due respect.
you haven’t been okay ever since you realised that you like heeseung, and you’ve been trying to act normal about it, attempting to not lose your cool-hard-to-get-girl composure— miyeon’s words, and they make you cringe— while the thought of him is eating your brain slowly and gradually, making you go insane. if you were to narrate from where you opened and closed the door at, it would be a slippery slope, you don’t know how someone ends up falling for the person they despise. the yn from a month or two ago would be knowing, you can see her shrugging and getting back to her books, saying see saw it coming. ( it’s miyeon’s fault for making you even think about having a mind blowing chemistry with heeseung ) the you from two semesters ago, when he first transferred, would hate you and call you a traitor, might even write whore on a mirror while looking at it because you fold at the sight of hot, smart and sporty men who are perfect at everything, even at ruining someone’s life, like he’s ruining yours; and the yn from highschool, you see her squealing on the floor because oh, what a fan of enemies to lovers she was— heeseung wouldn’t even have been in the current picture if your highschool crush slash rival liked you back. the current you, well, she’s a goner, and in denial that she’s a goner. too much pride does something to a person, especially when you’re an over-scorer and an academic weapon. you’ve lost all your abilities of letting your guard down even once, refusing to give up and accept defeat, no matter how tortuous it is on the inside.
the current you is more like a victorian man looking at ankles for the very first time.
“and the bet? what happened to it?” he chuckles, of course, anyone would, considering the way you’ve lost after placing the bet with utmost confidence slash overconfidence. see, it never ends well, anything, with overconfidence, it doesn’t end well, never have and never will. and you, you don’t learn, sitting with the very well known fact that if you were given the chance, you would place the bet with him again.
“ah, i didn’t mean to do that, honestly. i was confused when you confessed, it was so sudden, i didn’t know how to respond. the bet was the best i could come up with,” miyeon was right, you could’ve used something along the lines of ‘i need some time,’ that day instead of pulling out a bet right out of your ass, and now you don’t know how to save face. at least the fact that heeseung confessed first makes you feel a little better about yourself. “c’mon, i know you love challenges. i was just trying to see if it gets you turned on or something,”
and heeseung scoffs in disbelief, eyeing you at your choice of words. “yeah, i feel very turned on knowing my crush dragged me into a bet that i’ve been working so hard for and she wasn’t even serious about it,”
“working hard? from what i saw, the only thing you worked hard for was basketball,” you raise your brows, a taunting intonation in your voice. a part of you regrets the choice of words, knowing that basketball is seemingly quite a sensitive topic to bring up at the moment. albeit, the slight fear evaporates off when he laughs and dismisses your words and nothings.
he leans a little closer, hands touching yours. “you never know what i’m up to at home,”
a pause; you look in his eyes and then at his lips, he mirrors your actions with a smirk on his face. you guess that there’s a second meaning to his words, not sure what, but the look in his eyes tells you something about it. “i think we should get back to when you were talking mental and i was talking you down,”
and you could grab his face and kiss him with no one around, on the unmaintained basketball court for the grey and cloudy skies to see. you could run your hands through his hairs and tell him how crazy he makes you while planting kisses down his neck. you can kiss him till both of your lungs are begging for oxygen, and that's when you'd tell him how he makes you feel— breathless and drowning, a little insane every time you see him flirting with someone that's not you. you can kiss him till the sun goes down and evening takes over, it doesn't matter if you're outside for the world to see. you would've kissed him if heeseung hadn't leaned back, looking at the ball lying stray at a distance.
“by the way, i’d love to date you,” he smiles at the infinite horizon before looking at you, as if waiting for a response already known.
“yeah, i figured that,” you try to play it cool as if you’re all knowing. it’s partially true, he did confess to you first. “let’s make another bet: no kissing before finals, and the one who ends up giving in first has to buy dinner,” you come up with yet another bet, your voice hinting the enthusiasm for no apparent reason.
heeseung squints at you, a little conflicted, quite unsure of your words. it sounds like a moment of deja vu, hopefully on a better note this time ‘round. “that’s not even valid, we made out not even a week ago,”
“let bygones be bygones, hee,” he likes the sound of the little nickname you've given him, unlike bygones, the word you use to refer to your very first kiss with him as if it's an unfortunate memory. “it’s decided then, no kissing before finals and the loser has to buy dinner, and i won’t be satisfied with anything less than a five star meal,”
you squint, index finger pointing at him, a challenging composure. another chuckle from him makes it’s way to you, lips curling into a faint smile. it takes you all the way back to the day you placed your first bet with him, with head empty and no logic, for the entirety of the basketball team to see, hear, and talk about it as if it’s supposed to be on the headlines of the national newspaper. your eyes spark up in anticipation, wondering if the two of you are down for another bet, one that doesn’t proceed towards failure, hopefully.
“the last time you did something like this, you ended up running back to me and asking me to date you,” he scoffs softly, side-eyeing you with a mocking gaze, quite ready to pull out the receipts if you ever deny his words. you hate how correct he is, all the time, actually, and you hate how you don’t have words to argue back.
lee heeseung, a nobody to you till he switched to your department, just some student who was there to pass time until he started ranking above you on tests and flipped your whole world upside down. you tried to not think about him and failed every time— still beats you why. you’ve never let distractions get the best of you, but heeseung, perhaps he’s more than just a distraction, or maybe he isn’t a distraction at all. he’s like a plant in your garden that you could care less about— should care less about, it’s growing without harming your plants, but it’s creeping against a wall with pretty flowers for show, and before you know it, it’s demanding for all your attention that you offer without second thoughts, unwillingly at first.
he’s the bane of your existence and object of all your desires, to put it simply and make it sound cliché. you’ve had your moments trying to run away from him, get him out of your head, annoy him to the point he’d prefer flying to the other side of the globe, or that could be you too, anywhere, far from him. but life, for the thousandth time, is unpredictable. when was the last time something worked out exactly how you had planned— can’t remember, obviously, just like the way you don’t remember when heeseung started occupying a corner of your brain, popping in and out at random times and disrupting your thought process. the more you tried to ignore him, the further he housed in your head, the deeper in your heart, closer, within your reach, as if for you to grab his hands and let him enter your side of the world.
and so, you kiss him again, pulling him towards you with the collars of his jacket. you feel him smile, a triumphant smile, as expected from someone who is used to winning. you don't think you can say you've lost, not at the way he cups your cheeks and tilts his head to deepen the kiss just moments before you pull away. “i always run back to you, don’t i?”
and you're a child infatuated with their favourite sport, a painter falling in love with strokes, a pianist dancing to the melody of rachmaninoff, a student addicted to getting a perfect score, a player addicted to winning. you trace back to things you like, you always run back to heeseung,
and you always would.
TEN MINUTES LATER :
heeseung plants a soft peck on your lips. “dinner’s on you,”
“fuck!”
#—approved.#@ : fas.#k-labels#kflixnet#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen fic#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fluff#enhypen angst#lee heeseung#heeseung#heeseung imagines#heeseung scenarios#heeseung fic#heeseung fanfic#heeseung x reader#heeseung x y/n#enhypen x reader#enhypen x y/n#heeseung fluff#heeseung angst#kpop fic#kpop fanfic#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#lee heeseung x reader#lee heeseung x y/n
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lovesick | pedro pascal [2]
"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."
next chapter: [3]
previous chapter: [1]
series masterlist
summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.
pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader
genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually
word count: 6.7k
status: in progress
author's note: this chapter was for fun- i have the 1975 on repeat so i had to lmao. i kinda wanna do a slow burn because i don't want to make anything happen so fast. and pedro was at the oscars a few hours ago so why not post another chapter for him :) not edited.
You hated working weekends.
Something about waking up extremely early on a day that was supposed to be your day off irks you. Why have a scheduled rest day if you're just going to be scheduled to come in? It made zero sense, especially since you were only given a two hour notice before while sleeping.
No pay, clothes, gifts could ever make you happy after being called in at 5am for a 7am shift-
"Venti iced white chocolate mocha with oat milk, vanilla sweet cold foam, caramel drizzle, and light ice as always," Pedro listed as he handed you the coffee.
"Oh my god, I think I love you," you blurted out, staring at the cup in awe.
"That was fast, I see now why you're single," Pedro replied, giving you the side eye. "And soon diabetic."
Rolling your eyes, you take a sip of the coffee before shaking your head. "Not like that, you moron," you scoffed as he glared at you. "I love coffee too much- and who says I'm single."
"Think of it as your reward for waking up to the call," he joked as you just stared at him annoyed. The one time you turn off your do not disturb and this happens. "Your loneliness says otherwise."
"I am not lonely!" you gasp as he shrugs. "I'll have you know I am dating-"
"If you dare say Matty Healy I will personally push you in a bush-," Pedro declares, stopping you as you try to interject. "-and won't help you back up."
Huffing, you cross your arms as he laughs at the sight of your defeat. He knows you too well considering the fact you only met two months ago.
In fact, these two months were probably the best ones you have had all year. Not only did you experience some awesome moments you're sure you'll never get to witness again, but you got along with a lot of special people.
What made things even better was the fact that you got along with your boss because who knows where you would've ended up if Finn was a total douche- which he wasn't. But he did have his moments where he took your kindness for weakness- like asking you to come in for shift on a Saturday.
One thing that definitely advanced would have to be your relationship with Pedro. Nearly best friends is what you two were typically called on a normal day on set by how close you've become.
The nearly part added because nothing could ever come between his relationship with Bella, or Bellie in his own words. And because Jules always made sure to tell the jokesters that she was not giving up her position just yet.
But when it came to work, Pedro was always there for you. Considering he's been in the industry since before you were even born, which he yelled at you once when you joked, he was the best support.
He would even ask you what you were assigned to do and tell you specifically what was wanted without you even asking- even finding ways to physically assist before being caught and sent back to his actual job.
There were also the constant times where he would spam you with iMessage game requests to 8 ball and ignore you after beating him three times in a row, claiming his phone died despite your messages being sent through.
The only thing that made today better was that he was here because who knows how boring the day would have been if you were spent hanging with the technicians who; in fact, did not appreciate the countless times you dropped a mic.
"Why didn't Jules get called in?" you questioned as he turned up the computer brightness you were using. "That girl never wakes up early but I kid you not, she was playing minecraft on her computer when I was leaving."
"I love minecraft," Pedro sighed.
"I do too, but Jules always sends the creepers to my house," you complain. "They always destroy my garden."
"I could only imagine the devastation in your eyes," he dramatically exhales as you nudge him. "But I think it's because you're more...attentive? Not saying that she isn't, but she sure loves to talk about Jersey Shore in between takes."
"She's been binge-watching all the seasons after work."
The conversation ended once he was caught again by one of the producers and lured out of the office you were in. Initially, he searched around the studio and found you to gift the coffee, but he stayed because he did not want to sit on the makeup chair for another round of a drastic look being applied to his face- especially if you weren't there to pester him.
As for you, once clocked in Finn managed to have you scan after emails as a way to apologize for the call in. Apparently, one of his assistants called out so he decided to use you as their replacement since he couldn't find the time to sit down in a cozy office and do so.
But you were totally not complaining.
That only lasted you about two hours before you were finished and terribly bored.
Throwing the empty cup of coffee in the trash, you decided to walk around in hopes of finding something better to do or else you would've fallen asleep on the desk.
You would've if you weren't scared of the thought of a director finding and; consequently, firing you.
Hearing a loud noise, you quickly averted your eyes where your ears were signaling where the noise came from. Lightly jogging behind a curtain, your eyes widened to a sight of a desk on its side and a man hovering over it.
"Joon?!" you exclaim, running over to find him lowly panting, trying to remain his coolness as you began inspecting him to find any injuries.
"I'm fine," he calmly replied, using his dimpled smile as a way to reassure this but you didn't believe him. That was a loud drop.
"Why in the world are you lifting a desk that surely isn't less than 30 pounds?" you glare as he chuckles at the fake anger you poorly tried displaying.
"One of the technicians asked me to bring it out."
"And did you forget that your back would disagree?"
He shuts his mouth for a second, loss for words at your comeback. "I couldn't say no," he shyly replied. "I didn't want to have to pull out my medical forms explaining why I can't lift a table."
Feeling your face sink, you helped him stand straight as he glanced down at the fallen table. "You should have called for help then- everybody would need help for a gigantic table like this."
He only nodded in response, making you feel bad. You felt like you were lecturing him, technically you were, but you didn't want to find out in the future the reason he stopped attending work was because he pulled his back again.
"I'll drag this out," you declare as he tried slapping you hands away from it.
"It's too heavy for you!" he argued.
"Which is why I said drag," you countered back, ignoring his pleas as you somehow managed to lift the table back to its standing positioning.
Walking around it, you bent your back as you began pushing it around the curtain as Joon followed your position, crouching next to you for the extra support.
If it wasn't for the film crew being around the floor, you were sure you would have passed out right then and there. But you couldn't let them know how weak you were.
"And that's how teamwork makes the dream work," you announce, causing Joon to giggle before giving you a high-five as the two of you stand up from your bent posture.
Joon was another person you got along with incredibly well. For one, you guys were the duo out of all the interns. Every job you had that included another person, he was always there.
There was also the many times the two of you, and Jules of course, would carpool together to get home. It turned out Joon was also friends with some of your college classmates so he was always the only person from work who joined you guys for the random nights of cheesy movies and boring games while eating takeout with your other friends.
Despite hanging out for so long, you felt dense when someone called him Namjoon one time, even turning your head around for this Namjoon, completely oblivious to the fact that Joon was connected to Namjoon.
To be fair, he never went by his full name claiming that his nickname sounded more 'chill,' or whatever that meant.
Other than that, you were sure he was your other best friend. Well, after Jules and maybe Pedro. They were probably on the same level if you had to arrange them- not that friends had to ranked.
"Are you ready for this afternoon?" Joon called out as the two of you walked off the stage back to the curtains.
"For what?"
He sent you a surprised look, scaring you because is there something crazy happening that you had to prepare for? "Do you have your phone?"
Patting your back pocket, you shook your head. "I think I left it in my bag. Why? I'm about to cry if you don't tell me," you impatiently whine.
"What kind of fan you are," he simply responds, causing you to widen you eyes.
Immediately jumping on him, you shake his shoulders repeatedly. "What is the 1975 doing?! You must tell me or I swear to the gods I will bust your kneecaps and make you crawl for help."
He bursts out laughing at your threatening begs, trying to calm down your jumps by grabbing your shoulders to hold you. "You're violent."
"And you'll need surgery if you don't hurry it up."
Tapping your shoulder to calm down, you slowly do so. "3 o'clock is when their tickets go on sale for their upcoming tour, one of the dates being in New York City."
You could have sworn you were about to faint if it weren't for Joon pulling out his phone to show you you still had time to mentally prepare for the combat you were about to enter.
That's what ticketmaster was, a war zone.
"How was I not aware of this?!" you cry out, internally panicking about what you were going to do. You can't miss out on this concert, you just had to see these British people in person in order for your life to be complete.
"They did just post the news half an hour ago," he admitted. "Good for you for not being addicted to your phone."
Scowling at him, he quickly closed his mouth as you went over all the things you needed to do to prepare. "Wait, can we go together? None of my guy friends like them."
If you weren't in your own world mentally planning how you were going to beat all these teenage girls online, you would have noticed Pedro walking up to the two to you. But you didn't because your mind couldn't stop thinking about Matty Healy singing 'She's American' because you were indeed American.
"Why does she look deranged?" Pedro questioned, standing a few feet away from you. "Oh no, did Matty Healy die?"
Glaring at him, you ignore his irrelevant comment and face back to Joon. "You and me, my place straight after work. Got it?"
He nods, already in game mode because he knows how bad the two of you need to witness this concert.
Pedro exchanged a crazed look between the two of you, assuming his own ideas as to what you meant. "You're having a party and didn't invite me?" he tried joking to understand the conversation a bit more.
"No time for fooling around, Pedro," you state, grabbing Joon by his arm and making your way back to the office to search for your phone. "We have important business to settle, see you around!"
He watched the way Joon and you walk away hurriedly and wonders if you have a thing for the boy. It would make sense right? Joon was around the same age and he saw you guys work together all the time.
Shaking his head, he walks back to the stage trying to not overthink whatever was flowing in his head. But he couldn't help but question why he was never invited to your place? He instantly rejected that idea, he was twice your age. There's no way that was realistically appropriate.
However, you were friends- so wasn't it hypothetically okay?
No, there was no way he was really debating this. It's completely understandable why he didn't need to be invited over and Joon could.
But how many times did Joon come over?
Stop. His thoughts were confusing him and he needed a distraction. He wasn't going to let another man make him envy of where his friendship stood with you because there is no way he's jealous Joon might take his close friend status.
Because that's who you were to him, a close friend.
After another hour of working with Joon secretly about the tickets while emailing more people who Finn ordered, you two were finally cut for the day.
And luckily you still had two hours before the tickets went on sale.
"I need to grab my coat I left backstage, meet me outside?" Joon asked and you nodded, waving him off as you put on your own coat and bag.
Sprinting out of the office, you didn't expect to fall on the floor by the the person who ran into you. Well, the person fell to the floor while you comfortably landed on top of them, their arms wrapping around you.
"If you missed me that much you should've just texted me sooner to drop by," you heard the culprit chuckle, immediately making you shake their secured hands off your waist to stand.
"That was definitely not the case," you laugh, sticking a hand out to help him get up.
He raises a brow while staring at your hand before taking it, instantly pulling you back down with him. Falling over again, you slowly slip into his arms before finding your balance and giving up on helping him.
"How adorable of you to think you can lift me up," he grins, pulling his own weight up.
"I would love to stay and chat," you start, before looking past him and back again. "But I have something very important to do."
Trying to move around him, he stops you by grabbing your shoulder. "That's why I came to be a generous person and offer you a ride- so you can be home faster and do whatever you needed to do with Josh."
"His name's Joon."
"That's what I said," he ignores you're doubtful glance. "I can take you guys to your apartment."
Thinking it over, it would make it easier and faster to get home and prepare for the sale. If you would've taken a cab and subway it would have been an hour, with him it'll be half that.
"Fine," you spit out and watch as his face lights up. "But I am not owing you anything, you offered."
"Love how two months ago you would've begged the world for me," he placed a hand over his heart. "Oh how comfortable you've gotten with me."
"I don't want to hear it," you shun him, walking past him as he makes a silly face behind your back. "I can feel that!" He immediately stops, surprised you sensed it.
Maybe the two of you gotten a long too well.
"He's gonna drive us to my place, it'll be faster," you quickly explain to Joon who just nods, happily smiling at Pedro who sends him a fast greeting.
Right as you walk through the parking garage and see the familiar black car, Pedro unlocks it before quickly pushing you into the passenger seat, ignoring your protests and slamming the door before you could slip out.
"Not cool," you utter once he buckles inside the driver's seat.
"Don't make me cry," he fake cries before pulling the car out and hitting the road back to your place.
Due to it being the weekend and everybody wanting to be social and outside for some reason, the streets were packed.
It didn't help that Pedro thought starting a deep conversation with Joon about why electric cars annoyed him, knowing damn well Joon loved the environment, was a good idea.
And Pedro's defense being because he loved the smell of gas made you want to slap him.
As if the heavens felt your annoyance, your wish was granted. You were finally in the front of your apartment complex with Pedro pulling up along the red curb. You would've fought him, but you were desperate to get inside as you barely had an hour left.
"Thanks, see you Monday!" you exclaim, jumping out of the car and slamming the door shut. "Let's go, Joon!"
Barely stepping a foot out, you heard Pedro begin talking. "Wait, what are you guys gonna do?"
"Very intense work," Joon stated before turning to you. "But we got this in the bag."
Pedro squints his eyes, curiously scanning your body language because he does not know what this very intense work meant.
Working out? Making out? What the hell was it?
"Of course we do, love has no limits," you declare, making Pedro cough as you grabbed Joon's arm. "Now, let's go!"
"What are you two going to eat?!" Pedro called out, making you heavily sigh and turn back around.
Faking a smile, you gritted your teeth. "Don't know. Maybe we'll cook or make Jules' grab food as we work."
He makes a face, not convinced he wants to let you guys leave. Now that he was here and his day was over with, he didn't want to be alone.
But he also didn't want to tell you he wanted to stay. He wanted you to invite him- but you weren't getting the hint. Or maybe you were, but you couldn't have him in the room while working with Joon.
"That's cool, did you know I make a killer chicken alfredo?" he speaks out, making you pull an interested face as you were very much not. "Especially with garlic bread."
"Make sure to make that once you get home, safe travels," you wave, trying to turn away but was once again stopped by his voice.
You could feel your kindness slowly leaving your body. Was this the day you would be arrested and charged for murder?
"You know what's the secret with making the pasta?" Pedro questions as Joon replies back a curious, "What?"
"The sauce!" he exclaims as you try to control yourself. He was definitely pushing your buttons but you had to stay calm- you had to.
Joon was too interested in the conversation Pedro was beginning, trying to ask what was in this mysterious sauce. You knew you had to interject or you would both be ticketless.
"Maybe you can tell us about this secretive sauce on Monday, when we next see you," you force a laugh, trying to slowly take a few steps back to inch towards the entrance doors. "We really have to g-"
"Why wait till Monday when I can tell you now?" he claps, getting reading to explain his recipe. "For starters, you need a thick, sauce that can sp-"
"Oh my god!" you squeal, causing both men to jump and stare at you in shock as you rambled on. "The parking structure is around the block, my number is 912- just park and come up! Let's go, Joon!"
With that, Joon and you ran inside and Pedro smiled to himself. His planned worked. He guessed the only way to get to you was by speaking nonsense until you gave in- he'll remember that in the future.
Rushing through your door, you took your coat off as Joon pulled his laptop out if his backpack and set it next to your desk.
You looked at it confusingly before asking, "you carry your laptop with you to work?"
"Duh, an intern should always be prepared for computer work," he replies as if it was the obvious rule we should all know.
Shrugging, you turned on your PC and immediately went to ticketmaster, finding that the tickets weren't going on sale until 35 minutes from now. "We still have time to breathe." That was until you heard light knocks on your door. "Spoke too soon."
Walking up to your door, you see that no one was out there.
That was until Pedro decided to jump out from the side and scare the living shit out of you.
"I'm not doing this," you glare, trying to slam the door on his face, but he forced his way in while laughing at the scream you exhaled before.
You stared at him with no expression as he fell to the floor, continuing to laugh as if your fear was the funniest thing in the world. Joon was even silently giggling in the corner, stopping when you made eye-contact with him.
Trying to find a bowl to fill with water so you could throw at him, your plans were interrupted when you heard your roommate's voice boom across the room.
"Who the fuck is making so much noise?! Some of us are trying to sleep- ah! Why is Mr. Boss here?" Jules' gasps, jumping behind the hallway wall and peeking only her head out, too embarrassed to show off her hello kitty pajamas.
"He's gonna make us some pasta with his secret sauce," Joon happily states as she just gives him a confused look.
"Plus, it's almost 3 in the afternoon...," Pedro adds, giving her a baffled look as to why she is barely waking up.
She just gives him an awkward glance before running back to her room, shutting the door. Saturday's were her day off, of course waking up after 5pm was normal.
"The time limit just turned green! Refresh to join the waiting room-" Joon began screeching, doing so on his computer as you jumped around Pedro to do the same on your PC.
Slowly walking up to where Joon was, Pedro began examining the situation you two were in. Reading over your computer screen, his face fell. "The 1975 2022 World Tour...were you guys seriously trying to buy concert tickets this whole time?!"
Joon and you exchanged innocent glances to one another, not sure if he was judging you for your dedication.
"No, we still are trying to buy tickets," you simply reply, pushing him away from your computer.
His negativity was bad luck.
"This is why you were rushing to get home? All for-"
"Be gone, pessimist. Your energy is not it," you frown, moving your game chair to block his view from your screen. "Joon, block your computer, we can't afford his cynical attitude to ruin our chances of making out with Matty Healy."
"Making out with Matty Healy? You still want that? How is he gonna notice you?" Pedro asks, trying hard not to laugh in your face.
You were quiet for a minute. It was just a crazy thing you said because of all the videos you had seen online whenever it was somebody's birthday or they were just a lucky fan in the front.
You weren't actually dedicated to kissing him, but you did wish.
Joon slowly raised his finger, pointing at Pedro. "You're famous, right? Maybe if you went he'll notice us?"
Eyes widening, Pedro quickly shook his head as you placed your hand over your mouth. He was right, maybe he wouldn't kiss you, but he would for sure meet you if he found out a famous actor with over a million followers on Instagram attended his show.
"Not a chance," Pedro declared, ignoring your puppy dog gaze as you just hoped doing it for long would make him so uncomfortable he would give in.
Nudging Joon, he followed your actions with the sad stare, the two of you in front of the poor actor, leaving him really no choice. You were even thinking about calling Jules out to help, but she probably wouldn't appreciate it by her state of looking homeless.
But if it were on a work day she would totally be in.
"You just look like a deformed bull terrier," he says, pulling a disgusted face. "It's kind of unattractive."
"What is that?" you urge, watching Joon hold a laugh.
"The target dog," Joon answers for you.
Shrieking, you smack Pedro in the arm. "My god, woman! You always hit me."
"You're coming with us to the concert," you announce, watching him roll his eyes. Before he could reject your demand, you beat him to it, "if you don't I'm never talking to you again."
"Please, I've been wishing for that for weeks now," he cheers. "Plus, I'm pretty sure I am busy the day they come."
Pulling yourself close to the computer, you check to see the day they were arriving. "So you're saying you aren't free November 7th?"
"Kid, that's basically a year from now. I can't guarantee anything."
"Damn, you're right," you frown, your mood going down. Joon's idea was pretty amazing, but just wrong timing since the concert was so far away. "You can leave now."
"And what about that famous chicken alfredo?" Pedro chuckled, finding your change in demeanor amusing. You must really love these indie boys.
You were about to reply when Joon intervened. "Oh my god! We are in the queue!"
Twisting your head, you could see the clock had hit 3 o'clock exactly. How did time go by that fast?
"Holy shit! Everybody disconnect from the house wifi on your phones! We can not have anything disturbing us!"
Pulling out your phone, you did what you ranted on and made sure Joon did the same. You even ran to Jules' door and banged on it until she confirmed she did so.
Running back to the computer, you could see there was still 983 people in front of you while Joon had 754. "Why is your computer going faster?"
"This laptop-," he sheepishly smiled. "-cost a fortune, but works like a charm."
Turning back to the screen, you saw the purple line move closer. Not even three minutes in and you only had 534 people left while Joon had 312.
You don't know what you did, but God was certainly rewarding you.
"You're honestly really weird," Pedro confessed, staring at your computer screen. "And sad."
"You would be if you were about to buy tickets to see the love of your life."
"I wouldn't pay anything, money can't buy love," Pedro insists, pulling a chair from your table and placing it in between Joon and you.
"That's very romantic," you swipe an imaginary tear from your cheek. "Save it for the cameras."
His jaw drops as you return back to your computer. In a few moments you were about to be inside the room and you were beyond scared. If you did not get these tickets you don't know how much longer you'll have to live.
"I'm in!" Joon shouts, causing you to jump to his screen.
Great, the two of you were going together anyway so it works out.
"Fuck, what's the presale code?!"
Placing your hands on your head as he begins to panic, you die inside. What the fuck were you going to do now? "Go on Twitter and check!"
To say Pedro was not intrigued would be a lie. It was very fascinating seeing how strongly engaged you were just for a damn ticket. To be honest, he thinks you would be great on a reality tv show- your expressions were just off the roof. He wonders if other people genuinely acted like you.
"It's probably something super simple, try 'thesound,'" you exclaim, watching as he typed right away but frowning when it denied it. "try 'somebodyelse.'"
After each attempt of every famous song they had, it was still wrong. What pissed you off even more was that fans were gatekeeping the code no matter how many times Joon and you tweeted for help.
Greedy little shits.
Eventually, your screen allowed you into the room as well. It was no use, you didn't have the code. "I think I'm going to have a panic attack," you clutch your chest as you felt your lips quiver from sadness. "We were so close."
Pedro just stared at you not believing how miserable you suddenly became. Is this how easily young people let concerts take over themselves? Do people really idolize artists that much to the point where they feel depressed if they don't get tickets?
He shivered imagining how BTS fans dealt with this pressure.
"Let me try," Pedro speaks up, pushing you to the side as he began typing away on your keyboard.
It never hurts to try, right?
Innocently clicking away, your face fell as the check mark appeared, unlocking the room for you. "He got in!"
Hurriedly jumping to the screen, Joon urged Pedro to do the same as you began searching through the seats. Instantly clicking on the floor, you hit the continue button for 2 seats.
Feeling your nerves kick in, your hands begin to shake as you typed in the needed information in order to complete your order. But once you pressed 'place your order," your world stopped.
Ignoring your surroundings, you only focused on the screen. Quietly praying, you're sure Joon and Pedro could hear your desperate requests to the ruler of the universe to grant you your biggest wish: these tickets.
You Got The Tickets To The 1975!
Feeling weightless, you screamed so loud you were sure your neighbors were going to call the cops. Joon looked over, doing the same cheers once he realized you two were set for the show.
Jumping out of your chair, you practically tackled Pedro to the ground as you wrapped your arms around his neck and planted him numerous kisses all over his cheeks.
For once, you were happy you managed to outlast his annoying-self.
"I will forever be grateful for your existence!" you cheer, squeezing his poor body in your arms as he tried to remain in balance, laughing at how nice you suddenly became.
Planting a big kiss on his forehead, you turn to Joon and jump together in happiness. You couldn't believe you managed to score tickets, especially floor seats.
"Wait, what was the code?" Joon asked, pulling away from you and turning to Pedro who tried containing his grin.
"The 1975."
You dropped you arms, feeling incredibly stupid. How could you not write their name as a code attempt? It was shorter than 'it's not living if it's not with you.'
"Joon, we are officially the two dumbest people in New York City," you confess as he slowly nods before stopping.
"Not dumber than Jules though."
You heard her door open before her loud yelling appeared, "Well fuck you too!"
Ignoring her, you jump to Pedro who had his gaze on you already. "Welp! Since we got that out of the way, why don't you make some of that chicken alfredo with your sauce."
He smiled before realizing what you were asking. "What sauce?"
You roll your eyes before hitting his side. "The secretive one you were bothering us about."
Pedro bounces up once he understands what he had mentioned earlier. "Oh, right. That one," he chuckles. "I was kidding, I just wanted to see what you guys were dong."
Your face falls as Joon lets out a sad sigh. "Man, I really wanted to taste how thick and creamy that sauce was."
Pedro just tilts his head to Joon before pointing at the door. "It was great hanging with you guys though! Hey, at least we all worked together for those tickets! I'm gonna head out now, have a good rest of your evening!"
With that, he awkwardly backs away and opens the door, quickly running out before you could argue why he would lie about such a thing.
Before you could process what had just happened, he quickly opens the door again and peeps his head inside. "By the way, you don't actually like a deformed bull terrier," he clarifies. "I was kidding, maybe a cavalier king charles spaniel, those are precious."
And again, he runs out. This time, your face was pretty noticeable when it came to how much redness was present. You cringed to yourself, the littlest of compliments always made you blush- it made you sick.
Joon and you exchanged confused looks to each other. Pedro was a very interesting man.
"What is a cavalier king charles spaniel?" you lightly question.
"The dog in the arms of an angel commercial," Joon simply replies.
Reaching his car, Pedro quickly unlocked the door before jumping in. He felt his heart beating fast, not sure why it was doing so.
Was it because he adored how committed you were for those damn tickets? Maybe. Or how your eyes sparkled once you realized you got the right code? Possibly.
How you kissed him and pulled him in close? Most definitely.
But he would never reveal such a thing to anyone. People would take it wrong and believe he had feelings for you. All he had were feelings one would have for another close friend like you.
His heart was beating because he was excited for you, that's all.
Walking around the studio Monday morning was exhausting. Not only did you pull an all-nighter Saturday night because you were too happy to fall asleep, but you only managed to gain a few hours of sleep on Sunday as you were too busy trying to finish homework due that same night.
"Are you alright? Do you need water?" you heard Bella worriedly ask as you pulled a hoodie over your head and walked near the snacks table.
"I need a pill that can wake me up."
"That could be arranged," she joked, stopping when you sent her a serious look. "Not by me, of course."
Bella managed to wake you up a little once she suddenly pulled out her phone and turned the flash on, flashing it all around your face. "Are you trying to make me blind?!"
"It's supposed to wake you up, is it working?" she grinned, still shoving her phone up your face.
Grabbing her wrist, she stops. "No."
"Damn, that sucks."
Somehow you managed to pull yourself together, walking to where the rest of the interns were once you heard all the directors call out for an urgent meeting.
Probably wanting one of you to run to the coffee shop for coffee as usual.
Seeing Pedro waving at you from the side of his cast's group, you smiled and returned it. He then proceeded to make a confused face, wondering why there was an emergency meeting being held.
You sent the same look, adding a shrug because you were feeling the same. You weren't aware about what was going on, but noticing how many people were present- it must be a big deal.
Finn walked in and stood near the director, sending you a smile that didn't look natural.
If anything it looked fake and...sad?
"A lot of you are probably wondering why I called everyone down here on this early morning," you hear one of the directors begin, making some people nod while others just patiently waited for him to continue. "Starting with wonderful news, we have just been given access to explore our visuals and proceed to try out different surroundings in regards to our planned perception for the series."
Hearing a few people clap, you do the same. You were glad that the set was upgrading, but what did they have to do with everyone?
"Unfortunately," you heard him begin, causing your breathe to hitch. "with locations being held in various places like Canada, we are going to have to make cuts."
Feeling your heart drop, you already knew who he was planning to remove. A big series like this can't send interns they don't care about out of the country for help and you sure as hell couldn't afford to pay for the travels yourself if it came down to it.
You didn't want to make eye-contact with Bella or Pedro and feel their condolences through their expressions. All you wanted to do was be cut already so you could go home and cry at home.
To cry over a job was pathetic, but considering how much you learned and loved to manage it for the past couple months, it was sad to let it go.
As the director went down the list of small departments he planned on letting go, he finally made it to yours. "As for the interns, we are especially grateful for the hard work you brought to this set and trying to fill not only our needs but the casts. If we have any open positions in the near future we will make sure to grant you priority, and if you ever need letters of recommendations for your future activities, I am sure Finn would be able to handle that behind closed doors..."
You zoned out after that, not really caring what else was being said. It was the typical its not us excuse, claiming the company couldn't provide for all of their workers yet were able to spend millions of dollars on each location and its visuals.
The meeting was over when you noticed the directors and producers giving a final sympathetic look to the crowd, bowing their heads before walking back to where their offices were located.
"I feel like crying," you heard Jules sniffle, patting her under eye with her sweater. "But I took time on my eye makeup so I can't!"
Rubbing her shoulder, you tried to distract her from her tears coming out as Joon stood next to you guys, telling her funny spongebob jokes that she did not understand.
"Uh oh, Mr. Boss is coming. He's gonna make me cry, I can't hear his sorrow," Jules' explained, turning her back the other way.
"Hey, kids," you heard Pedro lightly say.
"The tears are coming out!" Jules' exclaimed, running away to the nearest bathroom while Joon and you looked at each other, feeling extremely bad for her.
"Sorry about that," Pedro awkwardly started, continuing once you shook off his unnecessary apology. "I just wanted to talk, see how you guys are handling the unfortunate news."
Joon was the first to speak, sounding surprisingly calm for someone who just lost his internship. "It sucks, but at least it was for an understandable reason. Traveling costs money. Plus, we go to school here, we can't just leave."
You nodded, agreeing with what he said. It was true, you should have known this job would've ended sooner than later, there was only so much you could have done inside a film studio.
The series was an apocalypse that needed feature more outside and environmental sets that looked deadly than a building that was only useful for inside takes.
"How about you?" He questions, sincere eyes following yours as you shrug.
"I am sad but that's the industry," you force out a small chuckle. "If you aren't cut at least once, you aren't gaining the full experience."
Right after you said that, you felt tears lining around the inner corner of your eyes. Looking down, you tru to contain yourself. "I'm going to go check up on Jules."
Reaching out for you, Pedro tries to console you but you were out of his reach in seconds. He hated the tears in your eyes and his job being the reason behind it.
He felt as if it were his fault for your departure when he knows he shouldn't.
It also didn't make him feel any better that Joon followed straight after you once you walked away. He knew he had to do something but he wasn't sure.
All he knew was that he would rather see you smile than cry.
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal imagine#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal fanfiction#tlou#joel miller x reader#joel tlou#the last of us#pedro pascal angst#pedro pascal fluff#pedropascaledit#pedro pascal x y/n#joel miller#pascalispunk#fanfiction
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Riordanverse Characters as quotes by people i know have said
dedicated to @lord-of-pterodactyls, i know you asked for friends in particular but i’m broadening it as even people i consider my nemeses (old ass philosophy teacher) are funny
Percy: i truly feel as if nothing will ever incapsulate my being as truly as the singing monsters water wubbox
Annabeth: *screaming from adjoining room* GET LOST APPLE MUSIC PRIVACY
Piper: *in bikini* i don’t like people with big boobs
Jason: *trying to compliment piper* your hair looks like dementia
Leo: *emerging from the stinky depths of his room after being in there for 16 hours straight and no showers with clothes from 5 days ago, red scabs all over his body and lips so dry it looks like a snake shedding its old skin by how crusty it is* guys on a scale from 1 to 10 how sexy do i look rn?
Hazel: *yeets her foot out and jiggles her toes menacingly at people she dislikes as an intimidation tactic because her toes are particularly hideous*
Frank: *after literally being targeted by a racial ‘joke’* worse than that, you white people eat spam
Grover: *pats air purifier* a good trusted friend
Nico: *drifts into hazel’s room* bro i ain’t even gonna lie, the holidays are better than the black plague *leaves room before she can question him further*
Reyna: *sleeptalking* stallion le meghan
Rachel: *pretending her coloured markers are vapes*
Thalia: *pointing at luke* my bro be the victim and the perpetrator
Tyson: *when talking about doing math* all i have are my fingers and a dream
Clarisse: *sees a sick person in bed* you’re looking pretty vulnerable *proceeds to ransack their room and steal their sheets like some gremlin*
Octavian: i am THE riddler *speaks in riddler voice and puts on devious little expression* what is... a curtain?
Will: *sees a dying person and looks pointedly at nico* and thats because they didnt take their cenovis vitamin c
Luke: i am constantly one snap away from either committing homicide or suicide
Apollo: *feeling face after new skincare routine* gosh my face feels as soft as a silicone tit
Meg: *pointing at apollo after redemption arc* YOU WON’T GO TO HEAVEN BECAUSE YOU ARE A COMMUNIST!
Magnus: *eating falafel* this is an orgasmic experience
Samirah: *substituting random words in english for arabic and not realising no one understands what she’s saying*
Alex: *laughing at the death threats she gets online after posting a meme about BTS in the military*
Blitz: *does something naughty* omg sorry im such a libra（＾ν＾）
Hearth: *walks into room* god is dead.
Carter: *walking into sadie’s room visibly upset with a box of cadbury favourites* here take them. if you don’t im going to eat them all. please, dont make me do this
Sadie: take a shit and be late to school or dont take the shit and be on time hell loop
Zia: my top artist on spotify this year will be xi jinping’s wife
Walt: *simply, appreciatively and completely without context* yeah, buddha is a pretty amazing guy
Anubis: i dislike being emo because i can only go as death note characters for halloween
Bast: *absolutely entranced by watching love island uk and is just repeating everything any person says back in a treacherous essex accent*
Bes: *walking into classroom full of young teens with an oversized ‘free james assange’ shirt* today i am a nice, trendy leftist. tomorrow, who knows?
#of course im putting them in the context of riordanverse or else they simply would not make sense otherwise#i have so much quotes that cant apply to these characters because theyre all asian jokes bc me + my fam + my entire friendship group r asian#i had to censor the frank quote too bc what happened was 100x more out of pocket 💀#riordanverse#incorrect riordanverse#heroes of olympus#the kane chronicles#percy jackson#trials of apollo#magnus chase#annabeth chase#thalia grace#zia rashid#rachel elizabeth dare#piper mclean#leo valdez#nico di angelo#carter kane#sadie kane#jason grace#will solace#samirah al abbas#hazel levesque#lester papadopolous#frank zhang#meg mccaffrey#grover underwood#reyna avila ramirez arellano#bes bast anubis blitz hearthstone apollo octavian tyson#luke castellan walt stone alex fierro clarisse la rue
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𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒
hi friends ! i know i'm a bit late with my post but i still wanted to post something regardless . 2023 had been one of the hardest years of my life thus far outside of the rpc , and even in it to be honest . i lost some good friends but gained some too . i've gotten to know so many of you on a deeper level and bonded with a lot of you over shared interests . so many of you have been patient with me on this blog because of school and for that i am immensely thankful ; i know you all followed because of your interest to write and i do apologize for not being able to fully deliver that due to my busy schedule . however , i do want to allot some time this year to be better about my time management . i honestly can't wait to see what this year brings !
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐘𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡
@diaboelic : courtney . one of my best friends . i know i can write essays on why i am so happy to have you in my life but i promise i'll condense it . it's so crazy to me that we've been friends for almost two full years . it's wild because it honestly feels much longer . i know we're both busy making big moves and even if we don't talk every day i am always rooting for you . you're so down to earth and somehow understand how i'm feeling without me having to say it . please keep sending me fanart and spamming me with ig reels . i take forever to look at them sometimes but i love them !! also , im sorry you lost your streak in duolingo but i still think you're ahead of me by like 4 days everytime i do it . COURTNEY - SAN WA WATASHINO SUKINA HITORIDE ( i think this was right but probably not lmfao ) . i can't wait to hopefully explore japan with you . fingers crossed it's this year haha
@visionhcld : b , i will always write nice things about you no matter what . you've been my friend for like .... what .... this would be 6 years ?!!! GOD . you've seen the best and the worst . crazy to think that we made it !!!!! i love you so damn much and i am so lucky to have you in my life . i know we don't write a million active threads atm or talk every day like we used to , but i assure you it doesn't change our friendship . i love being able to pick up where we left off like nothing ever happened tbh . some people don't have that and tbh , i'm so fortunate to have found that with you . we have a ridiculous amount of inside jokes and years of history to pick apart but i leave you with one . jejota !!!
@fairesky : shado . we found each other through the funniest circumstances but i am so happy we did . you have been one of my closest friends these last two years and through you i met some other amazingly wonderful people ( cough leon cough ) . your kindness is immeasurable and i have truly learned so much from you because of it . you've taught me how to be nicer , how to be a better friend , how to care for others in a way i'd like to be treated , and just overall improved my life the last year with your presence . i love you so much and i'm really happy to have gotten to know you better over the course of 2023 . who else will i be an absolute simp with if not you haha
@iirath: essek , i know you're already aware but i am so damn happy to have gotten to know you better over the last year , even more so the last few months . i enjoy talking to you about life and getting to learn about who you are beyond the surface level . you're honestly SO tilt proof ( lmaoooo ) and surely never get mad when we play league . SURELY . thanks for speed running stardew valley with me and letting me run around not knowing what to do while you carry our farm to its greatest potential . you really have become one of my good friends and please know i always look forward to your good morning message in the server with the tired cat emoji haha
@shokutsus : LEON !!!!!!! ayaki will always reign supreme and have the best ship name . i will fight anyone who says otherwise . okay but let me just say i fucking love you dude . i know we haven't had a chance to have our tea talks on fortnite the last few months but i admit , those were some of my favorites . you've helped me through some really tough times and been there for me as a friend when i needed someone the most . i really enjoy thinking of the wildest plot lines for our characters while sleep deprived and playing fortnite ( tbh crackabella and anakin lore was big brained of us ) or discussing with kaine and courtney which part of the centipede we'd be . weird shit but i laugh typing it out lol . okay but fr i want this year to be the best one yet for you !! ps . send more pixel photos
@rosahope : fae , thank you for becoming one of my good friends this year . i'm so blessed to have met someone as grounded as you and i don't tell you enough . i know i'm too much sometimes and impulsive af , but you are my voice of reason and i appreciate it so damn much . you've helped me think outside the box and take things one step at a time . you're one of the realest people and i always welcome your honesty even if it's not something i may initially agree with . tbh i think that's what makes you such a good friends because you're transparent with me . i really am so happy for your big moves with your new job and i am always rooting for you no matter what !! you'll always be my chibiusa and my jessie <3
@prettyguardian : niniiiiiii . firstly , thank you for coming into my life and being such an amazing friend . i admire your tenacity , your creativity , your openness , your vulnerability . the list goes on . you've been there for me when i sought some direction in my life and for that i want to thank you . i know we have yet to write more aerti things but please know i will always gladly write them with you . you've helped me heal with ff . i know that sentence may sound silly at some level but it is a big thing . really !! your friendship has only added improvement within my life and i can't wait to see where it goes this year . sending you all the good vibes for 2024 !!
@cybrvce : light !!!! i'm so fortunate to have gotten to know you more over the last year and actually write with you . your characterization is truly amazing and i'm always impressed with everything you write . yes im slow as molasses but i promise it doesn't mean it's because i don't care !! i just want to write for you when i'm at my best because i want to give you quality writing !! thank you for being patient with me though . you're so kind <3 i'm genuinely so excited to start this year with your friendship !!
@deadn30n : LOOK HERE ALEXANDRA . YOU MADE IT ON THIS LIST BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST A GEM . i know we only recently became friends but in that short amount of time we bonded by playing league for like 5 hours straight lmfao . thank you for feeling comfortable enough to ask me for advice and direction though . it means a lot to me more than you know !! also i am here to write yone and kai'sa mutually fangirling/fanboying over each other . that thread is so cute and i am excited to see where it goes . ALSO I'M A NOOB AT XIV SO YOU'VE BEEN WARNED . heck im just bad at all video games lmao . but i look forward to playing them with you !!!!
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐈 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
i can't write about everyone , but i can sure as hell tag you all . please know that even if we haven't actively written it doesn't mean i don't want to . i still support you as a writer and creator and enjoy seeing you on my dash !! i have hopes that maybe we can write some day ! but i know we're all busy or overwhelmed with things outside of the rpc so there's obviously no rush . and if we have written or talked then please know that you have truly made my experience here something amazing . i was always a bit scared to come back to such a big fandom , but so many of you have welcomed me in writing ayaka and given me the opportunity to explore her more . so thank you <3
@zaihuos , @autymns , @wcvensouls , @enjomo , @todestochter , @yizao , @ungest , @raikuro , @tealsteel , @sourcewater , @dcndrohime , @rikyos , @nekasu , @meropidas , @scarletooyoroi , @viaetor , @abyssin , @crownlcsking , @raytm , @iedolon , @noctumsilenced , @noctuafought , @capravulpes , @liightbringr , @chiheru , @foliarlight , @mercyburned , @apocryphis , @anostos , @theoneandonii , @gonguji , @sinspast , @mellodiies , @pietys , @knghted , @dualisume , @artificeheart , @erabundus , @momijiba, @supportingfire , @cloudhymn , and honestly all of you .
#˚ ༘ ❅ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ━━ ❆ ( 綾華 / ooc )#again in sorry if i missed anyone !!#i was rushing to post this before it hit jan 2 here lmao#im truly big fans of you all and hope this 2024 is off to a good start !!#may 2024 be kinder to everyone in the rpc#edit: so i couldn't tag a lot of blogs bc tumblr wouldn't let me so i actually had no choice but to condense it A LOT#ugh im sorry to anyone i left out !!!
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this as a prime example of what is wrong with simblr (and tumblr in general). this ask was sent to me within like less than a day of that post about cf going up, while I was away for the weekend and not at pc for days. I did not even see the post until right before I got this ask. yall are so damn terminally online that you lost the gd plot and cannot comprehend someone not keeping their finger on the dying pulse of the performative activism headquarters of the internet. and you definitely can't comprehend waiting for complete info or maybe just a full day before starting some reactionary bs. just peeking in here since yesterday i see that simblr is yet again so hyped up on smelling its own farts that it's turned an issue of genocide into yet another dick measuring contest of who can reblog more posts than one another the fastest so they can look more empathetic and better than anyone else. and call themselves "real activists" for being able to click the reblog button. not to mention the usual spamming anons to random people minding their own business. yall are weird as fuck and need to get a firm grip on some grass. stop making the horrific suffering of others about yourselves for once.
that being said, let me get serious for the people on here that are actually normal. for those that don't know by now, this anon seems to be referencing this post about cf, which talks about overwolf (the company that owns curseforge) donating to the IDF. But I also found this tweet by OOP made after that post that explains they have since received DMs from Overwolf stating that they have shifted their relief efforts to aiding victims that have lost their homes from the Hamas terrorist attacks exclusively and do not fund the IDF. this is a much better cause as the victims of terrorism definitely deserve to be helped, and it makes sense they would do this as an Israeli company. The DMs also clarify that it is donation based and nothing uploaded to cf (cc/mods) contributes to this effort whatsoever. As well as Overwolf/Curseforge revenue in general. So simply using curseforge does not mean that you fund or endorse genocide. OOP calls their new efforts commendable in that tweet but I am still looking into and keeping an eye on this matter since, as we know, more information could come out later that contradicts this. And since I have been away im still catching up on everything that has been posted relating to cf.
here are the pics for those that may not have Twitter. do I still support a boycott for those that want to? oh, absolutely. I know that many will still want to boycott regardless, and I'll be working to add alt links to my cc uploads as soon as possible (the ones that don't already have them) for those that don't want to use it. However, everyone I've seen wanting to boycott seems to want to do it because a) they believe overwolf is funding the IDF (apparently is not true) b) they believe having their uploads on cf or downloading from there will fund the IDF (apparently is not true) or c) overwolf itself is an Israeli company (is definitely true). therefore based on the new info we now have some may decide not to boycott after all or will still do so, it is a personal decision. will I be deleting my account there? for now, no.
to be completely honest, I'm in a really bad place financially right now, and while it isn't much, the little bit I get from cf downloads has been exclusively going towards my meds and dr appointment bills. I don't have the option right now to turn down the small amount of added income when I am currently living day to day, especially with the updated knowledge that simply having cc uploaded there does not contribute to their donation efforts in any way. I do not paywall my cc and never will and I do not ask for donations myself, so my options are somewhat limited. although I do not make cc with the aim of getting paid, I ultimately wouldn't be able to justify the sheer amount of time I spend on it if it wasn't helping me with my medical bills currently, as I am already caregiving with the majority of my time. I'm not reliant on cc making or cf to live, and I never want that to be the case god forbid, but in full transparency it is helping me with my healthcare expenses atm and I cannot afford to neglect my health anymore than I have. especially since, as established earlier, using cf does not contribute to the IDF in the first place. so I personally do not judge anyone that continues to use cf for this reason.
also, for the record so there is no confusion on my personal views, I fully support the freedom of Palestine and condemn genocide first and foremost, as well as terrorism and antisemitism. The current situation in Gaza is abhorrent and I encourage all my followers to not only reblog posts, but educate yourselves on the situation and bring it irl as you are able. Speak with the people you love as well as those you are acquainted with and bring this to this to their attention (if you feel safe to). Attend protests if you can. If you cannot, make the calls and emails to your representatives, sign petitions, and donate as you are able. I have been seeing that even spreading Palestinian culture among your loved ones and peers is helpful. So even if you are in a bad place mentally, that may be an option to spread the positive message of the Palestinian people in your everyday life. I'll be reblogging the posts I already did earlier and some new ones too so you can find those updated links. I will be tagging it with palestine so that it can be found easily on my page.
In addition, be kind. To others and yourself. Try to see the full damn picture instead of a snapshot. What someone posts on tumblr of all places does not reflect an entire person's being, or their efforts, or their heart. Yelling your head off on this dying website does not equal activism, and running your mental health into the ground taking on the weight of the world doesn't give you any more control over the issues we face- I learned that the hard fucking way, believe me. By all means share as much as you like, every bit helps (especially if you have a lot of followers), but keep in mind that it certainly doesn't make you better than anyone else. I know it's extremely difficult to feel helpless and you want to feel like you're doing something, but just make sure you're doing the right things for the right reasons. Please do not fucking attack random people for not responding within one business day of the latest info coming out. And take time away from all this shit to breathe. You can't help anyone if you're fucked up yourself. especially for those of us that already face discrimination and bigotry every day irl, I know it is exhausting. Remember to also care for yourselves through all this.
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hold me like you understand
(in other words, you have a parent like mafuyu's mom )
characters: akito x gn!reader
tags: hurt/comfort, not proofread, vent post, ooc, established relationship, kissing, one curse word
a/n: hi sorry for the amount of vent posts i make, im just not living laughing loving a lot anymore so um yea sorry this is really ooc
- you let a dry laugh out at your mom's joke. you didn't quite understand it, but you think it was about grades?
- you forced the corners of your mouths to turn upwards. you mom finally stopped laughing at her joke.
- "ahh, [name] how are your studies going?"
- you fought the urge to roll your eyes. of course, the only thing you want to talk to me about is grades.
- "it's fine, mama! i have a quiz tomorrow."
- she let out a hum. "make sure you study for it. i do all the work for you just so you can peacefully study, you know?"
- you clenched your jaw. "mhm!"
- silence. you don't know if your mom felt it, but the tension in the air made you feel on edge.
- "you plan on going into the field you set your classes for, right?"
- "yea, why?"
- "nothing, nothing. i just don't want you making poor choices. i was just worried because you've been doing your little hobbies, can't have you running off to them."
- your hands started to shake and grip onto itself. why was she so.... so..
- you tested the waters of her “unconditional love”. “hypothetically, if i were.... to pursue them...?"
- a confused "huh?" came from your mom. "what do you mean?"
- "what if i wanted a different career...? what then-"
- your mother let out a scoff, procceding to laugh at you as if you said something funny. you don't think you said anything funny, so why...
- "absolutely not."
- "huh? i just said-"
- "and i'm saying no. your hobbies are just hobbies. nothing more. you will spend all your life struggling when you could just have gone the better route. i know what's best for you. you are taking this career."
- "mama, i just said it as a joke-"
- "good. it will stay as a joke."
- her words latched to your mind like pests.
- it will stay as a joke. it will stay as a joke. was your true personality a joke to her?
- were you a joke to her?
- "alright mama, i'm going to my room now."
- "alright. make sure you study on your quiz or exam. i don't want to see you doing anything else."
- you rushed up the stairs and into the bathroom closest to you. tears fell from your eyes as you tried to silence your cries.
- you were an idiot, such a dumb, hopeful, idiot. you knew. you knew your mother, of course she wouldn't ever accept that!
- you hugged yourself and sat on the cold, hard tiles. you wanted to disappear, away from everything, away from everyone....
- akito.
- akito. you whispered his name in realization. quickly pulling out your phone hidden in your pocket, you typed in akito's contact and opened his messages. you checked the time. he most likely would be leaving practice.
you:
akito
akito
akito
kito <3:
wtf u want
you:
akito code red
- there was a pause in messages, before he made up for it, spamming you relentlessly.
kito <3:
what happened?
who did this to you?
do you need me to beat up anyone?
do u need me to come over? anything i should bring?
you'll be ok, just tell me what you need right now.
you:
just need you here with me
no need to beat anyone up
if you do come over, please just try to make as little conversation with her. like, smile whatever just give her a good impression of you. she's home today
- hoping he got the hint, you washed your face, quietly walked to your room and waited paitently.
- soon enough, you heard a knock downstairs. akito's polite voice (you would usually snicker everytime he used it) chimed through the house, and your mother called you downstairs. "[name], someone's here for you!"
- you wemt downstairs to find your mother and akito, who's customer service smile turned a little softer seeing you.
"this is your boyfriend, correct?"
"...yes mama."
"it's wonderful to see you! i would've loved to chat more, but i'm quite busy nowadays. surely you must be a good choice if [name] chose you."
- "mama..."
- akito smiled. "i'm very lucky to be with [name], mrs. [last name]. now, if you'll excuse us."
- your mother chuckled. "alright, alright. make sure you study for the test. you don't want to ruin your future, do you?"
- you laughed uncomfortably at her remark. she sure knows how to rub in wounds.
- “[name], i have to head off to do some errands, so make sure everything is ok while i'm gone."
- eager to leave, you nodded in response. you finally walked akito to your room and closed the door a little. keys jingled downstairs before a door closed and the lock clicked. you finally took a chance to sigh in relief.
- he sat on the bed and observed your mannerisms, worry in his face. "what happened? was it your mom?"
- tears started flowing down your cheeks and you gripped at your hair, fingers etching itself into your skin. everything turned blurry. your throat felt like the tears were closing it up. your breath was fast, deep, desperate.
- akito abruptly stood up and gently plied your hands off your hair, gently intertwining his fingers with yours. "hey, hey. [name]."
- he guided you to both sit on your bed, as he leaned his face closer to you. his olive green eyes looked into yours, and his whisper felt soft in your eardrums.
- "[name]. breathe. in and out."
- you hiccup and your words tripped over another. "my mom.... dammit! it's always my mom! i'm always trying to please her...but...she's always sets me up to be just her little trophy kid! my whole personality is just a stupid little joke to her! it hurts...akito...it hurts so much..."
- your outburst turned into a desperate, hoarse cry of hopelessness. "this isn't even the first time, 'kito. i'm so done. i put on a happy face for everyone and always pleasing others but when i want something suddenly i'm the bad guy. is this what selfishness is...?"
- akito pulled you closer to him and tightened his arms around you, one hand on your back and one on your head. your cries were the only thing heard as akito rocked you back and forth. a repeated plea of "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry" was muffled as your head rested on the crook of akito's neck.
- "be as selfish as you want, [name]. we'll both be selfish. never apologize for being selfish with me."
- your cries slowly quieted down to hiccups, as akito let his lips linger on the top of your head. for the first time this night, you didn't feel so tense.
- "feeling better?"
- you lifted your head for a moment. "a little bit.......!!!!" you noticed your tears landed on his hoodie, and you apologized repeatedly. "oh crap, akito i'm so sorry why didn't you tell me-"
- he placed his hand on your forearm and pulled you in. his lips found their place to yours, and your eyes widened before you finally melted.
- you both slowly leaned back for air and stared into the other's eyes.
- akito took your hand and gently kissed it, leaving no part of your skin without his love.
"we'll have our own little apartment." a kiss to your index knuckle.
- "and we'll have it filled with my equipment and your supplies." a kiss to your middle knuckle.
- "and we'll have little dates in the house, where we just do our own thing, but we know the other person is there and enjoying the other's company. and i'll make sure you never feel unappreciated ever again. and if someone has a problem with that, they're gonna have to go through me first." a kiss to your ring finger. you notice how his lips lingered, almost as if he was sealing a promise.
- "could we have a dog in the apartment?"
- he glared at you and almost let your hand go in disbelief. "absolutely not."
- "whyy?"
- "do you even want me in the apartment??"
- you laughed loudly, and akito eyes softened looking at you. he was finally satisfied with your smile back on your face. but, there’s one thing he forgot.
- you pointed to your last knuckle and watched as akito’s eyes furrowed in confusion before soon realizing what you wanted. he sighed, yet his smile only grew as he kissed the last one.
- “happy?”
- “very. very happy.”
- “you know what i said is true, right? i’m not one to give empty words. you know that out of all people, ya know?”
- you eyes crinkled in genuine joy as you whisper, “i know.”
- he took your hand and stood up, urging you to as well. “well, time to study then. i know damn well i’m not gonna pass this one anyways…”
- you snicker at your lover being hopeless with studying. “you complete idiot, we had so much time to study…”
- the future was always so intimidating to you, the choices of your life so dependent on what you did today. the future where your mother’s dissapointment held. you never wanted the future to come.
- but with akito by your side, you knew at least that your future wouldn’t be so bad with him.
- bring it on, future.
reposting or plagiarizing of my works is not allowed under any circumstances.
#akito x gn reader#akito x reader#shinonome akito x reader#akito shinonome x reader#akito shinonome#project sekai x reader#pjsekai x reader#[ the lost library ]
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Hey friends!! I’ve got some updates and changes coming your way
Actually let me just start with this, in case you don’t want to read the rest as it gets personal, and it’s that I made a second page here, @boppinbee that is going to be for more personal/random/important things to me. Nothing is posted there yet but yknow there will be.
but anyway back to what I was saying
I haven’t been posting as much.
I’ve had a lot of change come my way in my personal life this past month, emotionally and just my routine in general, so it’s made being here difficult as much as I love it - if that makes sense. Things are settling back down and I’m getting used to everything again - including getting back into Good Omens, not that I ever lost my love for it just yknow got very suddenly pulled out of my hyperfixation on it by real life.
It’s been very weird to have my brain silent but those cogs have started turning again.
Interacting with you guys(gn)!!
I do so love interacting with you guys(gn) whether through reblogs, the comments, or messages but I’m not the best at it. I’m a painfully awkward person that has trouble with tone and will think I’m bothering you. But that’s my problem and I have gotten a little better. It can also be overwhelming because you guys(gn) are so nice?? and I still get baffled even though it’s been months. Also just figuring out what to say can be difficult cause I got at least 7 different responses loaded up.
but all this to say that i’m working on it and im very sorry for poor replying and not being the one to reach out first
This new page
so I made a second one to be a lot more loose with what I post. I understand that this page has pretty much only posted about Good Omens and I don’t just want to spring other content on you more than I already have. So all the personal post will move over there - the random shit I want to say, the important things to me, other fandom content - just all that fun stuff
Mainly I just have a very big need to have things organized
the future of this page
this page isn’t going anywhere. Still plenty of metas floating around in the drafts(no the meta has not “dried up”) and i’m still going to gush about this show on the regular - I just love them so much.
To be honest things happening in this fandom has been pretty overwhelming on top of everything else so i’ve kinda taken a step back and been hiding on my following tab when I have gotten on which hasn’t been that often. I’ve taken to just re-enjoying the book and show for the moment (and looking for that damn picture I can’t find)
This page is still largely going to be Good Omens some other fandom content might make its way on here though and I am taking a dabble in writing fanfic - don’t know what is going to come of it but yknow thought i’d try.
I also have a backlog of things to reply to - I promise i’m not ignoring - and a whole lot of things to go spam like/reblog so things to look forward to
but yeah - just a look inside my brain and an update on all that is happening :)
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Update 2023/12/31: All links should be accessible now! I also added a readmore to avoid dashboard spam.
Lets pretend im in a contest to make the worst preview images imaginable.
The maxis ballet outfits have always driven me crazy, and I've never been able to find a default that I like. Until today! I've used textures from Freezer Bunny to save your ballerina's ankles and added ribbons to the ballet shoes. I made a default replacement for the Freetime ballet leotards that uses these ribbon textures, with a pinker toned shoe and a less pink-toned tight. The pink leotard has also had its colour adjusted a little bit. This default is for TF and AF, and has two separate files so it will work if you just want one or the other.
Sorry for the shitty bodyshop previews 😅. Someday I might take better pictures and update the ones here. I just wanted to be able to share this incase there's anyone else like me who's desperate for smth like this.
DOWNLOAD UFBODYLEOTARDSIMPLE DEFAULTS | SFS | GDRIVE
I also recommend you grab this mesh default by angelapleasent to improve the ribbon mapping.
I also made recolours! I made a collection of nude tone recolours in three human colours, mannequin white, and alien green. The nude colours have no tights. I also tried to make the texture a little more matte for the nude shoes (the idea being that they're made from leather instead of silk). You can't really tell on my blurry-ass pictures.
The nudes come in two flavours, one is nude shoes + black body suit, and the other is nude shoes + nude bodysuit. You can have both or either in your game!
There's a link at the very bottom of this post to download all the recolours in one .rar. All the colours are available for AF and TF and its all separated files so you can easily pick and choose which ones you want.
DOWNLOAD NUDES (BLACK BODYSUIT)
DOWNLOAD NUDES (NUDE BODYSUIT)
DOWNLOAD NUDES (ALL)
Last, I also made some fun recolours. These recolours all include tights.
I always wanted to do a pointe dance with black pointe shoes but never got a chance to do it. Now I can live vicariously through my sims :)
DOWNLOAD FUN COLOURS
Nothing is compressed or repositoried because I don't know how to do that. The texture resolution is pretty big. If someone knows how to make the files smaller feel free to do that.
Here's a .rar with all the above recolours (but not the default replacements):
DOWNLOAD ALL RECOLOURS | SFS | GDRIVE
If there's any colours you'd like, feel free to send me a request at my downloads simblr @k-athleen :) Thanks again to Freezer Bunny for the ribbon texture :)
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Damn I sent u that ask like 2 or 3 hours ago and u already did it? (The one with the Kinger angst)
Props to you ^^
But anyhoo, u mentioned that the angst thing became more of Kinger’s grief than the original one which made me curious as to what u had in mind? Sorry I know I already sent a request today and I kinda feel greedy about it
Feel free to prioritize other requests! I feel like I overstayed my welcome or more like ur inbox lol
More Kinger Angst!
i must admit, i said that rather loosely! my creative process for these posts is a little untraditional (i think, i mean it doesnt sound like something other people do but maybe im not special LMAO) but i go in these posts with vague ideas that i dont really expand until i actually down and write :0
if that makes sense ! vague to refined !!
that said (grips my silly ideas)
and dont feel bad about requesting too much! nothing wrong in sending in an additional request now and then, itd be different if you were spamming or swamping up the inbox (neither of which youre doing) so no harm there!
uhuhuh building up off of the other main idea from the previous post that i didnt get to explore because i got caught up in the grief; kingers paranoia
other post
touching up on the idea that hes constantly worried about you and the fact you might get hurt or abstract, i think there would be ups and downs with his mental health... some days hes okay, but others its like hes taken a nosedive, you know?
kinger already is shown to be a very paranoid individual but to see that getting worse? like im not sure about you guys but i personally know first hand what its like to be constantly in that sort of headspace for an extended period of time (admin note, im fine now this was years ago and it was surrounding a family members health) but it can really destroy a person
lack of sleep, constantly on edge, irritability, your tolerance for bullshit really runs into the ground, things like that. you start lashing out or you start isolating. i personally see kinger being more of the isolation type, but given that he feels the suffocating urge to keep an eye on you to make sure youre okay... its like a loop, it just keeps going and it keeps getting worse
i think if you want to see a stop, or at least a moments peace, youre going to have to slam on the breaks and try to get him to calm down. help him ground himself, reassure him, work a system for the two of you to make sure he doesnt get too caught up in his own fears.... though i will admit that im a little stumped on how exactly to help him (given that this is a lot of self projection on admins part, the thing in their life that happened only stopped because the issue itself was forced to a stop by outside means)
take him away from IHAs that are getting too intense or overstimulating, walk him over to a quieter space so he can regather himself
take him out for walks around the grounds so he can get fresh air.... or at least... the closest you guys can get in this world.. better than to be cooped up in a confined space with other people in it
just let him. be and experience things in the moment rather than letting him drown in his own thoughts. is it a long term solution? no, but he needs to have a moment to breathe, you know?
but we arent here for comfort, we're here for angst
i think sometimes he would stay by your door at night, caught between disturbing you and checking on you to make sure youre okay. its a ritual of his every night, multiple times a night he feels the overwhelming urge to make sure youre still there
i think he does this with other characters he may be close to, like gangle and ragatha (admins personal hcs).. but i think sometimes it would bleed into wanting to check in on the others every now and then
^totally not borrowed from admins day to day of needing to check on things they know are okay a dozen times a day though its usually stuff like making sure everything is locked and shit
thinks
#tadc x reader#the amazing digital circus x reader#digital circus x reader#kinger x reader#kinger x you#kinger imagine
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#pre-fall scene#all im saying
Myabe I'm being dense but what exactly are you saying?
oh god okay anon i'll be honest but even i don't really know what im saying!!!✨ well no, wait, i do but essentially im gonna need to use this ask to parse it out (and save @teddybearbutchh from being spammed with my stream of consciousness)
so, let me be clear - im open to any take on this line. we're clear, right (and was laid out brilliantly in that post!) that aziraphale seems to know something about miracling love that the archangels and crowley do not - this is an experience unique only to him (as far as we're aware). it's something he has presumably tried to do, and seen the lack of desired result, to be able to reach this conclusion. and in order for him to get away with the lie to the archangels, its something he knows they won't have done. pretty obvious summary, but bear with me - it helps me lay out my thoughts!!!
now look, it could be that he's tried to miracle crowley in love with him. it could be that he's tried to miracle himself out of love with crowley (heartbreaking). it could be that he's tried to miracle two humans in love with each other. but here are my thoughts on these three things:
i don't personally hold the belief that they've been in love with each other since eden. ive talked about it in other posts, i won't go on about it, but their interactions through time, for me, have been them falling in love with each other in a rather organic way. some of those interactions towards the beginning of their story have been stilted, cold, even arguably antagonistic at times - that's my personal read, anyway. so, if we hold that aziraphale didn't realise he was in love until 1941, it makes no sense, for me, for him to have attempted miracling crowley in love with him between these points...? i also think 1941 is where aziraphale realises that crowley at least feels something for aziraphale in kind - he saved the books! - and this gives aziraphale some sort of... hope? (right up until 'oh shit, we're too close now and it actually might have Consequences - "you go too fast for me, crowley"). so yeah, i don't see, personally, any point in this history where this version of the attempted-miracle might have happened. (edit: sorry, to clarify - 'this history' being between the beginning and essentially modern day)
second one? okay look, this kills me. i hate it (i love it), and i could see this being the case - a bit of a bait-and-switch, that it wasn't making people fall in love, it was that aziraphale couldn't handle being in love. horrendous thought... but if we go with this - again, where is the point where aziraphale would have attempted this? well, the only point for me would be between 1941-1967... and that would make sense!!! but... is it in aziraphale's character to do this? personally, i think not. imo, i think aziraphale would see being in love with crowley as a gift - one that hurts, definitely, but one that he is honoured to have. he's a being of love, can sense it as easy as... well, breathing - and i don't think it's something he'd wish away. lmao @ tennyson, mad lad: "it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." (he's definitely read, and probably liked(?), tennyson, if his line re: the kraken is anything to go by... god absolutely has, too)
this is absolutely possible - 100%... but for what feels like a pretty important line, especially in the romantic-plot-context of s2, wouldn't it have been important to see this happen? to have seen an instance where aziraphale may have tried to miracle a couple in love, and it have failed?
which brings me to the pre-fall scene, because it is the outlier in all of this, imo. aziraphale starts off very polite with AWCW (angel who crowley was), but as soon as AWCW starts becoming... yk, bubbly and excited, aziraphale's entire demeanour changed - he's suddenly eager to interact with him, tell him his name, and establish a connection. if nothing else, it's an instant crush for aziraphale, an immediate moment of '...oh shit, he's cute-cute', and this carries throughout the entire scene... and isn't reciprocated.
now, i don't necessarily think this is the moment where aziraphale would have attempted to miracle AWCW in love with him - in fact, i have to wonder if it was a conscious miracle at all? - but aziraphale seems both pleasantly surprised and... a little expectant? that AWCW is talking to/about him?
and has a rather rude awakening... so idk, perhaps out of angelic innocence/not-thinking-things-through/subconsciously willing it, tantamount to a miracle... aziraphale was hoping for AWCW to 'fall in love' with him back? or at least, pay back the same kind of attention that he was paying AWCW? and obviously it didn't work, so aziraphale knows - by s2 - that miracles don't work like that?
this is all a musing, im not at all firmly set on this and am happy to be argued (nicely!) back on it, but i think... potentially... it has some merit?✨
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HELLO I FINALLY HAVE TIME TO WATCH THE FIRST OS2 SIMM EPISODE
im really hoping they do seanmaitee and not naysean for this, bc otherwise ill probably scream and riot. i love winnysatang with all my being, but their characters in this show shouldn’t be a couple in my opinion (if you ship them i have absolutely no problem with that). from memory (and i binged simm not too long ago so i think my memory is reliable), they’re literally only in the same room together once, and they dont even interact at all. SEANMAITEE, ON THE OTHER HAND, were SO CLEARLY being built towards in the show (the way maithee would hit on so many people, and sean would constantly stop him, but then when sean watched someone else hit on daonuea but didnt stop him, and the way sean always has a protective arm around maithee, and gejrdhfbghr i could talk about them forever honestly), and then the COWARDS freaking DIDNT MAKE THEM OFFICIALLY CANON???? im so salty about this and need confirmation and i will be Angry™️ if they do naysean instead of seanmaitee
anyway, time for the actual commentary to begin (that was a really long introduction, damn) (future egg here to tell you: it gets worse. the commentary is really long on this one. it’s mostly keysmashes about seanmaithee. good luck.)
THIS IS PROMISING, VERY VERY PROMISING, PLS P’NEW AND SCREENWRITERS AND GMMTV AND STUFF, DON’T CHICKEN OUT LIKE YOU DID LAST TIME
im actually stressed out why am i stressed out
im genuinely scared for what’s gonna happen
what if they do naysean
theyd better not do naysean, PLEASE
grebghreb
(im literally 20 seconds in, why cant i just watch stuff without needing to spam my thoughts)
THESE FLASHBACKS ARE SO SWEET
SIMM HAS BEEN SITTING IN THE BACK OF MY MIND BC EVERY OTHER SERIES IVE WATCHED SINCE THEN HAS BEEN SO MUCH MORE BRAINROTTY THAN THIS ONE BUT I STILL LOVE THEM
“i still love daonuea, i love daonuea, and i love daonuea” ITS SO FREAKING SWEET WHAT THE HELL
this has definitely been said before by like everyone, but something i love about this series in particular is how kluen was terrible at showing his emotions and feelings and inner thoughts, he was this blank slate going around and showing nothing. but then, as the series progresses, he tries harder to show nuea that he likes him. but my boy doesnt have it figured out yet, and there’s communication errors and it seems like he’s pushing himself on nuea and it seems like an unhealthy/toxic relationship, but it’s not, he’s just autistic and doesnt know how to communicate his emotions and he’s trying for the first time and doing it wrong but he’s trying. and then it gets to the last episode (or two? i cant remember) and theyre so happy and fluffy and good vibes and its because he’s finally figured it out, he just has to say ‘i love you i love you i love you’ and even pronounce it to the world ‘I LOVE DAONUEA’ so that everyone knows and so that nuea knows and so that they can both finally understand and be happy and ghrbghrb they make me happy
that was so incoherent but you probably get the gist of what i mean
okay im gonna stop ranting now, im still only a minute into the episode lmao
HELL YES THIS FREAKING INTRO
MY FREAKING BOYS
THEYRE COMING BACK NEXT WEEK
ANJGHBERJDHGBERHJBGEHRAAAAAA
sorry this post is supposed to be about simm, ill try to keep the eclipse keysmashes to a minimum
AND PUENTALAY ARE COMING BACKKKK
im much more excited about puentalay than i was last week since i rewatched vvs a few days ago
NOOO THE LITTLE HAND KISS- IM GONNA CRY
TINNGUNNNNN
sorry i should stop freaking out about the shows that are coming and start freaking out about NUEAKLUEN THEYRE BACK HELLO MY BOYS
GUY4ERGHKBER SATANG
HELLO SATANG
ILY
ILY A LOT
AND MAITHEE STANDING NEXT TO SEAN AND STARING DIRECTLY AT HIM LIKE THERES NOTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD HE SHOULD BE STARING AT?? THIS IS PROMISING
kluen why are you slightly late
he’s gonna profess his love for nuea in front of all the freshmen isnt he
i know he’s gonna do it
“that’s the hottest senior from the faculty of dentistry” yup. absolutely. he’s gonna profess his love in front of all the freshmen
if he doesnt profess his love in front of all the freshmen, then im a bar-ba-loot from the lorax
yUP
im shaking my head in a supposedly disappointed way rn but im actually smiling bc i love him
he’s so pretty and in love with his pretty boyfriend and their love is pretty
HIS FREAKING SHIPPER FACE
SEAN’S KNOWN FOR LONGER THAN ANY OF THEM AND I FREAKING LOVE HIM
omg he did like a little sway and nudged maithee a little bit with his shoulder ghjerbgdh
by the way im gonna switch between spelling it maitee and maithee cos idk which one is right so im playing both sides, so you’re just gonna have to deal with that
(there’s a high likelihood that no one’s noticed the spelling alternations and now that ive pointed it out everyone’s gonna be hyperaware of it, but its fine)
he knows what he just did
“i just wanted to make it clear from the start in case some freshmen hit on you” i love him
also i was about to say that kluen is supposedly the hottest senior, so shouldnt he be more worried about himself getting hit on, but then i remembered that in this universe dao is the sun and everyone else is the solar system revolving around him, so of course the freshmen would try to hit on him lmao
except for sean.
sean’s a moon revolving around maitee
THE HANDS THE FREAKING HANDS LOOK AT THEM HOLDING HANDS
I KNOW THEYRE DATING AND THEY HAVE BEEN FOR LIKE A YEAR
BUT I JUST LOVE HOW THEYRE SO OPEN AND FREE AND HAPPY AND IN LOVE AND I LOVE THEM AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND I SWEAR IM OKAY (im not okay)
“but after meeting you again, i knew i must start loving you. there’s no way i will let go of you again” THIS MAN IS GONNA MAKE ME FREAKING CRY WHAT THE HELL THAT’S SO FREAKING SWEET
THEY LOVE EACH OTHER
AND IT’S SO RAW AND PURE AND GHJRBDGHRB
HIS FREAKING SMILE, HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH
“you’re shy, so you’re walking away, darling” dARLING-- IM DYING
fun fact, i was watching vice versa with italian subtitles and at one point one of them called the other ‘darling’, which is ‘tesorino’ in italian, and i knew that the suffix -ino means ‘little’, so i looked up what ‘tesoro’ means and it’s ‘treasure’, whcih means if you’re calling someone darling in italian youre calling them ‘little treasure’ and i just think that’s so sweet 🥺😭
I LITERALLY JUST GASPED
THEYRE STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER
AND IT’S MAITHEE’S ARM AROUND SEAN INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND???? PLEASE TELL ME THAT MEANS WHAT I HOPE IT MEANS
HE’S SO FREAKING HAPPY, IT MAKES ME HAPPY
CONTAGIOUS HAPPINESS
GRJKGB
ARE WE ABOUT TO GET A FULL FREAKING SCENE WITH THEM???
or am i clowning
i was expecting just crumbs but pLEASE TELL ME THEYRE GIVING US A FULL SCENE
PERHAPS EVEN TWO SCENES
honestly just let pawin’s characters be happy and gay
also i find it funny that the order theyre going in is the first three are all of pawin’s in a row
(and in all of them he’s gonna get a happy and gay side character plot line??? please????????)
gosh darnnit nuea is in the scene now
perhaps there will be something later in the episode? maybe in tonight’s episode??
THE SHOULDERS THE ARM AROUND THE SHOULDERS IS PAWIN FINALLY BECOMING MORE PROTECTIVE OF SEAN IS HE FINALLY REALISING HIS FEELINGS FOR SEAN AND/OR FINALLY BECOMING OPEN ABOUT HIS FEELINGS FOR SEAN PLEASE TELL ME THAT’S WHAT THAT IS
THE ARM AROUND THE SHOULDERS IS A METAPHOR
OR SOMETHING
MAYBE
let me dream, okay
ya know who else ignores everyone and focuses only on the person he loves intently? sean
maithee why is your voice so croaky
is that just pawin putting on a particular voice for the character
or was pawin sick
or is maithee sick
if its one of the last two, i hope he’s okay (be it the character or the actor)
so... the croaky voice was intentional?
THE L O O K
sidenote, satang is so freaking pretty. why. who decided that.
MAITEE ARE YOU COPYING THEM??? PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE COPYING THEM
SEAN WHY DID YOU LEAN AWAY YOUVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HIM FOR YEARS
it’s the fate of The Captain
just ask tiw, he knows how it feels
or wat, also ask wat
or aoi and jack
or- sorry ill stop lmao
kluen arent you a dentist. why are you sitting at nursing.
idk how dentist school works
did he have to go through nursing stuff to get to dentisting?
im an arts and literature kid, idk what im talking about
OMG, STRAIGHT PEOPLE??
this is a rare phenomenon, folks
hello straights / straight presenting potential future couple
omg its literally been nearly an hour since i started watching and im still only 8 minutes into the episode
OR, PERHAPS, LESBIANS???
there could be anything, really
in my mind, every single character in ever single piece of media is pansexual until proven otherwise
bro you’re leaning into each other so much, JUST KISS
also i sense that sean’s about to become the unwilling captain of yet another ship (but he secretly loves it)
kiss.
lmao theyre not sponsored by the anime sparkling water, it’s just normal water, the little plebs
soundwin were sponsored by the anime sparling water
and then tiwpor were
but soundwin did it first
soundwin always did it first
anyway, it’s seanmaithee time not soundwin time
KISS. (again, the frEAKING ARM OVER THE SHOULDER GHBRHGB)
there was a slight scene change and i thought that meant that maybe we wouldnt see much of them for a while, but nOPE, THEYRE EVERYWHERE
i wouldnt be surprised if they were behind me right now
hello seanmaitee, how are you today
(i wish)
lmao they even blurred the water bottles in post just so that everyone knows that THIS ISNT A SPONSOR
THEY BACK TO THEIR ROOTS, SEAN’S HAND ON MAITEE’S SHOULDER
BRO YOU’RE ALWAYS SMILING AT HIM IN MOMENTS WHERE IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE IT FITS THE CONTEXT TO BE SMILING AT HIM
YOURE IN LOVE WITH HIM
KISS HIM
“you two see that kluen and i are in love, but let me tell you that-” THAT YOU TWO ARE ALSO IN LOVE???? “we actually love each other much more than what you see” DANG IT I WAS WRONG
im right tho. seanmaithee are in love.
HES SO UNNECESSARY AND DRAMATIC, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
im sorry what the hell does that mean
omg maybe its because he knows how to make people jealous because he knows that he’s always made sean jealous and he knows that now because theyve already confessed to each other and theyre already dating???????
im definitely clowning but shut up i dont care
whoop, helmet putting on time
(guess what, soundwin did that first too-)
i smell a sponsorship in this motorbike thingy
this makes me so happy
why does this make me so happy
he knwos him so well and knows he loves art and stuff
so he wants to take him to buy watercolour
i love them
i love them so much
grhgbtrhbgfr
OH HE EVEN KNEW HE WAS RUNNING OUT OF WATERCOLOUR??? BROOOOOO
theyre so sweet
sorry im tryna take the commentary down a notch because this is long enough already lmao
FINALLY, IM FINISHED 1/4
THAT TOOK WAY TOO LONG
IT WAS ONLY LIKE 15 MINUTES LONG AND ITS BEEN OVER AN HOUR SINCE I STARTED
omg i just remembered i forgot to watch the mv for the ost for this
i was gonna do it like four times yesterday but i kept getting distracted and forgetting
dang it
OMG OISHI SPONSOR
I FREAKING LOVE OISHI SPONSORSHIP SEGMENTS
THEYRE MY FAVOURITE SPONSORSHIPS AND I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN WHY
is it just bc i love ice tea? that could very well be it
lmao nueakluen stirring things up just to make seanmaitee confused this is so funny
im loving this storyline
we’ve barely seen it play out yet but i want typhoon to be happy and this is so nice
lmao what girls
seanmaithee are in love with each other, bro
aweeee little accidental kiss
FOREHEAD KISS
“CAN I KISS YOU”
and he asked in ENGLISH
its always so offputting whenever they speak english for like one sentence bc im never expecting it
i love it
but also i hate it
why are you speaking english
stop speaking this rubbish language
it sucks
a lot
its the worst language
keep speaking thai, please
AWW KISSEEEE
“of course” STOP IT WITH THE ENGLISH, PLEASE
AWWWWWEEEEEHBRDHFGBREHJDG KISSSSSS THEY KISS
HAPPY
“you only kissed one cheek so i only open one eye” hes so silly (affectionate) i love him
brEAKFAST IN BED???
EGWSVFHGSGV “will you eat breakfast first or eat me first” bro
THE FAKE DRAMA THEYRE STIRRING UP- THIS IS SO FUNNY WHAT THE HELL
GEIRHBDGHREDB TYPHOON AND... i forgot her name. the girl. TYPHOON AND THE GIRL THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME
shes so pretty
THE FAKE ARGUMENTS
ITS SO FUNNY
KLUEN’S GETTING SO INTO IT HIS ANGER LOOKS SO REAL OMG
mIN, THAT’S HER NAME, MIN
“if this thing makes them break up, let’s get ordained, shall we?” the way this is worded it sounds like some kind of marriage proposal
“i told you i already have a date with a girl” NOOOOOOOOO
noooooo, maithee had a date with a girl, and the only other person other than their group that’s going on the trip thing is nay, and theyre definitely gonna do a naysean thing, gosh freaking darnnit
unless they dont
unless maitee only had the date so that he could try and get over his feelings for sean bc hes convinced himself sean doesnt reciprocate, but my hopes are not high
BUILDING A HOUSE TOGETHER???? PLEASEEEEE
theyre so freaking in love i love them so much
LITTLE KISSE i love when they little kisse
damn its over now
NOOOOO IN THE PREVIEW THERES A SUPER CLEAR NAYSEAN THING
I LOVE WINNYSATANG A LOT BUT WHY CANT IT BE SEANMAITHEEEEEEEE
pls i just want pawin’s characters to be happy and gay in every single os2 episode that he’s in
and because seanmaithee hAVE to be together
AAAAAA
welp i take too long to watch things and now the next episode comes out in a little under 2 hours, and i started watching this about two hours ago so thats fun
#quodekash watches our skyy 2 despite desperately needing to sleep#quodekash annoys everyone about star in my mind (im so sorry)#star in my mind#star & sky#khabkluen#daonuea#nueakluen#kluennuea#kluendao#seanmaitee#seanmaithee#joongdunk#joong archen#dunk natachai#typhoonmin#mintyphoon#pepper phanuroj#pawin kulkaranyawich#satang kittiphop
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hi genuine question but what do u have against spam liking? I hope I don't come off as rude or anything,, I'm genuinely curious haha <3
no dw!! i totally understand that it might come off as hostile, but it's just a genuine thing that quite often bothers me :') i don't mean to be pressed about something some enjoy a lot, but it gets overwhelming when you see the 99+ notification sign all the time, only to scroll down to see nothing but over 20 spammed likes from 10 different blank accounts. and most of the time they like my fics while going through the contents of my masterlist one by one, so instead of liking them (aka just saving them for their own selves) i would appreciate if they just liked the masterlist itself if you get what i mean?? it just ticks me off a tad bit because 99% of them don't leave a single token of appreciation (which i also know is not an obligatory thing to do, obviously, since im the one who posts drabbles for free, but it just feels like they everything they take want and leave nothing behind for the writer 💀)
again, it's just how i feel and a lot aren't like that, but i would truly be grateful if everyone who spams likes could just... not do that :') AND MY RANTS TOO!! please don't go around liking all of my recent tp posts bc they don't have any real significance and, again, only end up clogging my notifs 🏃🏃 (i talk a lot lol)
i really really appreciate the dedication, but you don't have to go through everything one by one really it's better for both parties and saves time 😔😔 i hope this could explain things a little bit better <3
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KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! )
NAME: Mew
PRONOUNS: She/her or They/them
PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: Tumblr IMs or discord - if we’re mutuals I 1000% prefer discord though because... ugh dumblr misbehaves a lot lol
NAME OF MUSE(S): Seto and Mokuba Kaiba. I also have some sideblogs with Diva/Aigami, Jounouchi, Kisara, Priest Seth, the ignis from YGO vrains, and two OCs Hermit and Riley!
EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): im bad at math and years but loosely did chatroom rps in 2013ish but only started doing proper rp about 2 years ago I’d say!
PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: chat rooms, tumblr and discord
BEST EXPERIENCE: Too many to say honestly? like everything there’s been some ups and downs but I have gotten to meet some awesome people that have become good friends and I’m forever grateful to rp for that.
RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: Hoy boy alright buckle in. For one, I can’t only do oneliners. For crack or the like it’s fine but if that’s the only way someone rps I can’t.
Also can’t with people who have sporadic activity but each time they relaunch their blog(s) they start over and start a buncha new stuff yelling that they want attention and to do so many things only to poof and when they come back to rp they do the same thing all over again and you never/barely actually get to RP with them. On a related note because these things tend to go together--when someone is constantly remaking their blogs.
I also will politely bow out on people who’s main desire for rp is sexual and/or romantic ships. You do you, but that’s not for me I’m here to tell a story first and if that happens to include a ship cool but there are more stories than just people falling for each other and going on dates. Also on this topic people who overly post sexual things several times a day. It’s okay to have a sexual muse but idk man I really don’t need to be seeing all the lingerie they like and posts on their favorite ways to have sex and their kinks 5 times a day. This aint p*rn hub. Likewise if someone spams with romance posts their ship(s) and never shuts up about them and just constantly harps on how in love they are and nothing else
Big dealbreaker is when I try and set boundaries for my own comfort and someone goes off on me and tries to gaslight me into thinking that I’m overreacting or I have no reason to want to avoid a certain kind of content. Like, nearly everyone’s rules say they’re chill with tagging triggers for people or avoid topics in conversations if asked and etc and yet when you try and do that some people bite your head off.
Another one is when rpers can’t be assed to do good research to 1) make sure they aren’t writing anything harmful or 2) just be?? generally respectful to the culture whatever your piece of media you’re rping in comes from? I don’t expect people to know everything about Japan, but idk maybe do stuff like google if Christmas is celebrated over there and if so how and also maybe a general idea of what their idea of death and the afterlife is like when the series takes place in Japan?? Just. Google at a minimum jfc.
FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: I’m a big sucker for angst and I don’t think that’s a secret 8) . The other two have other things going for them but man, I just like that emotional gutpunch. I like to watch muses break. Physically or mentally or both : >
PLOTS OR MEMES: Both! I like a mixture of stuff. Like usually I like starting something via memes but then plotting from there!
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: Longer! as I said about the not being able to do oneliners thing. Buuuut of course if whatever is happening between the muses is a light or funny thing of course it will be shorter and I think that totally has its place and is good because sometimes I don’t have the braincells to do bigger replies lol.
BEST TIME TO WRITE: Nights are now my day with my job but even before that I always did better at night lol
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): We have some things in common yeah! I think it’s natural to like characters that you have some things in common with, because like acting it helps you portray them better. Like how when an actor becomes a parent for the first time they tend to start wanting to play characters who are also parents.
Tagged by: @sakurarisen thankies Poms :D
Tagging: @lightyourpyre @kingofblueeyex and you!
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Welcome to a higher plane, dear Hunter.
Summary:
HIIIEEEE!!! i threw together an askblog 4 some of the great ones, because i have an insatiable urge to write as them & test out their personalities and i think itd be cute if they were all friends 💖 the setting takes place within the lake at byrgenwyrth!!
note: canon is what i make it. if something is inaccurate it's because i like it better that way leave me alone
Currently Available for Asks:
Rom
Ebrietas
Amygdala
Mergo's Wet Nurse
Celestial Emissary
The Brain of Mensis
have patience- more may reveal themselves in due time.
Asking Guidelines:
Absolutely no NSFW. Blog owner is a minor, don't be a freak.
Magickal Anons & crossovers are welcome, though keep it reasonable (im not super experienced with that stuff yet!)
I reserve the right to ignore any ask. Do not spam- I am working at my own pace here and may burn out entirely.
Tagging system is thus- #phantasmal delivery for responses, #moonspeak for announcements & important non-ask stuff, #starspeak for less weighty non-ask posts
With these laws in place, let the questioning begin. Seek your most forbidden knowledge- the Great Ones have nothing but time to answer.
#bloodborne#moonspeak#bloodborne ask blog#ask blog#rom the vacuous spider#ebrietas daughter of the cosmos#amygdala#mergo's wet nurse#celestial emissary#brain of mensis
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and the rest of would like to read things that ACTUALLY belong in the tags, not your posts about songs that remind you of characters or your rant about how you don't want to read smut or how you can't find anything to read that makes you happy.
That's not x reader anything and should not be in the tags. It's tag abuse which is against Tumblr's TOU. It also makes it way harder for the fics that us writers spent HOURS working on to be found and enjoyed and is absolutely a huge part of why you can't find anything. Stop tagging your irrelevant posts with x reader and other tags that have nothing to do with the post. Stop making it harder for our work to be found and out there. It's hard enough because they don't get reblogged anymore; spamming the tags with irrelevant nonsense only makes it worse.
Thx.
dude i read badically only x reader stuff. for the song thing, i am continuing to add more characters based off the tags i read. i wrote the thing abt the smut bc of all the stuff i was seeing under those literal tags, and as a little joke.
especially with the song thing, that was something that i was hoping to branch off into headcannons abt x reader stuff WITH those characters that i had either already put songs for, or am planning to put stuff there for.
it's "irrelevant nonsense" to you, but it's stuff that i had fun doing, make me really happy, and are helping push myself and gain enough confidence to writing actual stories and fanfictions.
im still reblogging fanfics or authors i love, commenting and leaving as much love as i can.
the post abt not finding things that make me happy was asking abt fic reccomendations under those tags, bc i was in a fucking reading slump and nothing was peaking my interest in particular, i wasn't bashing anyone or anything like that, i just genuinely wanted fic recomendations.
maybe writing this is overboard, maybe i shouldn't have done this, but this hurt my feelings and it was an asshole thing to do, especially when i had reasons for putting those there which you didn't even think abt before sending this. you didn't message me abt it, and you even used the anonymous thing which(in my opinion) is a slightly cowardly thing to do in this situation. maybe that's too strong of a word, but i couldn't think of a better one rn.
thanks for your opinion, but also it was an asshole way to go abt it. with all due respect, fuck off and leave me alone. i will not be responding to any other things you send.
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