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#im so lonely
hobohobgoblim · 7 months
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*girds loins*
it is time
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cantdothis-nomore · 4 months
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GODDDD I NEEEEEEED AN EMO BOYFRIEND SO BADDD! WHY ARE THEY SO ATTRACTIVEEEE
This is so random but godddddddd
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surielstea · 2 months
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Caretaker
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Pairing: Azriel x reader
Summary: Reader is sick & Az being the best bf ever
Warnings: slight suggestiveness, tooth rotting fluff
A/N: Literally wrote this when I was sick asf and high on cough medicine so I hope this makes sense 😭😭
2.2k words
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My body tremors as another weak cough racks through me, my throat pulsing at the feeling. Watery eyes form tears, sliding down the bridge of my nose and dripping onto the plush pillow beneath my head.
I stare out the floor to ceiling window, marveling at the way the sidra morphs starlight into rainbow refractions. I sniffle, one of my nostrils completely closed off and making it a challenge to breathe. It was late. I didn't know the exact time but from the moons position in the sky I could guess it was far past midnight.
My mate hadn't come to bed and I debated clambering out of this all too hot bed to go and find him, wrap my arms around his waist and guide him back to our bed. But I can't expose him to whatever virus plagued me, in turn getting him sick, no matter how badly I missed his touch. It was already a risk to share the same bed, I couldn't push it.
Madja stopped by earlier and gave me a tonic to help ward off the cough but there was nothing she could do beyond that. I took the tonic minutes ago, the effects still settling in, I just hoped the cough would cease long enough for me to be able to fall asleep.
It's been days, my mate was convinced I was getting worse. He surveyed me like usual, but his gaze turned soft and pitiful every time a raucous cough came over me. Shadows kept me company, swirling fluidly against my back in a reassuring manner, the chill touch of them making me cool off from my heated state.
There was a soft knock at the door and I didn't have to look to know who it was. I adjusted under the covers, using my strength to sit up and lean against the headboard, teary eyed but making eye contact with the large winged male in the doorway. "Az." My voice was practically a whimper, a feeble excuse at calling for him.
"My love," He drew a long exhale, my sickness seemingly weighing on him as well.
"You can't be in here." I murmur, wiping my tears and wishing it was his hands instead of mine doing the act.
"I miss you." He offers me a soft smile as he tilts his head against the frame of the door, his silhouette from the hallway light made him look like some sort of angel.
"I don't want to get you sick." I shake my head, holding my arm out as if to shield him away but we both knew I held no power at the moment.
"It wouldn't be so bad," He tries to lighten the mood with a shrug. "I'd be off work, we could quarantine together. We'd read and cuddle and I could actually go within a ten feet radius of you." His words were convincing, and the idea has a smile tugging at my lips. That is until a croak of a cough rattles my body and I remember how irritating this illness is. I wouldn't want him to have this, ten foot radius or not.
"It's hard enough to stay away from you, don't tempt me." I sigh, allowing my bones to sink into the large matress.
"Worth a try." He mirrors my smile. "Do you need anything? Tea or soup?" He asks and I twist my lips to the side as I ponder what he could give me that would ever amount to how badly I want him and him alone. "A good book perhaps?" He arches a perfect brow. It pains me how well he knows me.
"A book would be nice." I hum and he pushes from the doorway, excited to accomplish a new task. His gaze lingers on me before he closes the door and his silent footsteps recede down the hall.
I look back out the window while I wait, fiddling with the mating ring around my fourth finger. My cough seemed to have settled, I'll have to tell my brother to increase Madja's salary for her admirable work — or maybe I'd pay her directly myself. As soon as I'm better I will, whenever that might be. I release a long sigh and allow my eyes to shut for a moment, I must've slept for half the day earlier but that didn't stop the rest from weighing at my heavy lids.
Before I dared slip into a sleep the spymaster opened the door with a multitude of items in his hands. I couldn't help but smile. The night courts intimidating Shadowsinger was at my door, with soup and tea and a book, taking care of me. He had one of the world's deadliest knife's at his thigh and he probably used it to cut open my tea bag.
"Az, I'm gonna cry." I warn. My already watery eyes verging on tears as I think about how much he does for me.
"No don't cry." His brows crease as he sits on his side of our bed, placing a bowl of soup down on my nightstand. "I tried to follow your mom's recipe but it won't be as good." He frowns and there's nothing more I want to do then kiss the pout off his perfect face. "And this is hot, so don't drink it for a few minutes." He places a steaming cup of tea beside the soup. "And this," He holds up a worn paper back book. "I went to Nesta and asked her for the best romance novel she could think of and she gave me this so." He places it on my lap. "Hopefully it's as smutty as you hope." He mutters beneath his breath and I flush hot but blamed it on my fever.
"Thank you." My voice was a rasp, he looked to my eyes. Hazel laced with love and admiration, the emotions reflecting on the golds and greens of his irises.
"Get some rest after eating, you have to get your strength up so I can get my sparring buddy back." He placed a hand on my forehead to check my temperature, something on his expression falls when he doesn't notice any difference from the last time he checked my temperature.
"Is Cassian not good enough anymore?" I scoff.
"He's not you." He huffs and an upside down smile spreads over my expression.
"I know you're sick but I really want to kiss you." He admits and just the idea makes me feel warmer inside. I grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him into me, his upper half hovering over me as I plant my lips onto his. I grin against the sensation, it's only been a few days but gods, how did I forget how perfect it felt to have his mouth against mine?
He pulls back first and I debate chasing him back but he pecks my forehead and I settle for it, leaning back onto my headboard yet again. "I'm going to finish up an assignment then I'll come to bed, okay?" He gets up from the bed and my eyes follow.
"Mhm." I nod tiredly.
"If I find you reading that book when I get back I'm taking it away." He warns and I bite my bottom lip mischievously.
"Goodnight lovely." A shadow tucks a strand of hair behind my ear as I watch him make his way to the door.
"Night Az." I muse in reply, already reaching for my bowl of the nostalgic meal.
About an hour later I had finished my entire bowl of soup and cup of tea. Both of them reminding me of my mother humming her favorite songs as she sewed her dresses, of Rhys teaching me how to fly before I could even walk, of Cassian brawling with my brother when he first moved in, and of Azriel's warm embrace.
I was curled into a ball with a mage light over my head, flipping through the pages of the romance novel Nesta lent me. It was a fantasy with just the right amount of erotica, the kind that would make any female flush. There were a few times when I'd have to close the book and take a breather before opening it back up, which meant it was perfection.
The door opened with a creak and I slammed the book shut the way a teenage boy might with a nude magazine. Azriel crinkles his brows at me and I look at him guiltlessly. "Evening handsome." I greet and he blinks at me like I'm crazy.
"Why are you being weird?" He utters, coming further into the room and closing the door behind him. I fold my lips inward to keep myself from laughing or possibly exposing that I was reading absolute filth just moments ago.
"Just reading." I shrug innocently and he narrowed his gaze in on me but seemed to let it go when striding over to the armoire to change. I watched him shamelessly as he stripped off his shirt, golden tan skin inked in swirling black. He shuffles through the drawers, giving me a full show of his muscular back and those large wings. My breath hitched as I stare without caution and a small chuckle sounds from him. He knows I'm watching, and at this point I can't find it in myself to care.
"Are you flexing on purpose?" I ask him as he discards his leathers for a pair of lounge pants.
"I'm not flexing love." He confesses and my stomach does backflips. Cords of muscle rippled from his shoulders down to his bulging arms, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little turned on. And he was just standing there. He turns to look at my tinged cheeks and it only makes me blush more. The eye contact just might kill me. The nonchalance and causality of it made my stomach churn, as if he wasn't standing there in front of me shirtless.
"You're teasing." I set my book on the nightstand and sink down into my pillows.
"How so?" His question is half a laugh because he knows what he's doing.
"I can't have you right now." I whine like some sort of child, pulling the blankets up and over my head so I don't have to look at his chest that seemed to be sculpted by the gods themselves. The bed sinks and I know he's now beside me. I can't help but gravitate towards him only to stop myself because I know cuddling would get him sick.
His strong arm wraps around my waist and pulls my back to his chest.
"No, Az I don't want to get you sick." I protest, pulling away with the weakest strength since the predicament at hand wasn't all too bad.
"I already told you I don't care if I get sick." He brings me in closer and who was I to deny my mate's embrace?
It was nice to lay beside him, nice to have his warmth radiating onto me. I missed him even if it's only been a few days, even if he still sleeps beside me every night. I missed the physicality of it. Azriel's never been one for touch but sometimes I go through phases where if I don't have my hands constantly on him I'd collapse.
So I allowed myself to lean into his chest, matching my breathing to his and intertwining my hand with his scarred one. "I love you." He hums into my shoulder, placing gentle kisses to the crook of my neck and a soft smile spreads across my lips.
"Would you still love me if—" I begin but he doesn't let me finish,
"Yes." His tone is confident and didn't waver for a beat.
"You don't even know what I was going to say." I pout and I feel him shake his head against me.
"As long as you're still you, I love you." He professes and I flip around to look at his golden eyes that the stars themselves were outmatched against.
"I love you too." My voice is a mere whisper but a wide grin takes over his face, revealing his dimples. His smile was so bright I thought for a moment that sun wouldn't rise in fear of rivaling it. "And I'm totally getting you sick." I threaten but he doesn't seem to mind, especially not when I lean forward a few inches in order to kiss that grin.
"Sleep, love." He coerced and pulls me into his chest, his wing draping over me like a blanket, blocking out any seeping light from the moon outside. "I'll be here in the morning." He muses, smoothing a scarred hand over my hair. He continues to play with the strands until I'm drifting off into that touch, his warmth inviting me to sleep.
Azriel was quick to follow, once he noticed my breathing even out. Shadows settle around us as his lids grow heavy and his weight falls into the bed. With me in his arms it was easier for him to sleep, the comfort of knowing I'm safe while in his hold pushed him further into that sweet relief of rest.
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dragonstailbutch · 1 month
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cool yay love seeing whats happening in the forcemasc community, love seeing the thing i made out of love for myself and wanting to share that with the world andhelp others love themself crumble into a MRA christian hot mess, loving seeing sissy talking points being turned towards transmascs, love seeing this happen and wanting to cry caus i started it with love and can no longer touch it for fear of being targeted at some point, which ive already had anons be hateful to me just for bringing up thefact i created the community, love having to block and ignore the community i tried to make cause i wanted to feel nice about myself
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theo1031 · 3 months
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Idk abt you but heres my list of "I need to listen to these" in order of how I plan to listen (red is never started, orange is unfinished, green is finished):
Camp Here And There
The Magnus Archives
Welcome to Night Vale
The Magnus Protocol
Hello From The Hallowoods
Nowhere, On Air
The Penunbra Podcast
Alice Isn't Dead
Wrong Station
Station Arcadia
Malevolent
Wolf 359
Arden
The Bright Sessions
Old Gods of Appalachia
King falls
Dream Boy
Red Valley
More will be added as time goes on
This is mainly to keep track for myself
Feel free to recommend more👍
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cralaofmandalore · 1 year
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Fuck being gay, i want whatever they have
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mearichaaan-blog · 2 months
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need....more...Chaggie...arts and moots....I need to talk about them
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sp1rit-realm · 1 year
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when mitski said: "My God, I'm so lonely" i felt that
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mooblycakes · 1 year
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Someone cuddle me, its cold out and i wanna feel that kind of warmth
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kittygxl · 24 days
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So I watched Lisa Frankenstein
Umm I'm unwell... It was perfect and beautiful. Lisa Swallows I want you, I want to be you. The Creature I want you, I want to be you. I wish I could draw or paint as all I would create would be their faces. I'm obsessed I can't stop thinking about this movie. I don't think I want to stop. I want to watch it a million times. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I ache and yearn to be them. I don't think I've ever felt more horrifically alone then watching this movie. I want a Creature to my Lisa, I want a Lisa to my Creature.
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whats-it-mean · 4 months
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wouldnt it be cool if i had mutuals who were into fragmem
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gummy-axolotl · 16 days
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Does anyone wanna fucking. Um. Give me hugs and kisses and tell me I'm beautiful and that they'll always love me until our souls are dust and space is empty? ...Or something?
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klipkillakai · 1 month
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y’all this august audio.. and this latenightfeels audio
BABE….. 🤭.
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yzashaven · 5 months
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I NEED MORE FRIENDS ON GENSHIN ASIA PLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE (calling out to my moots PLEASE) DROP YOUR UIDS HERE OR IN DMS LOVE YOUUUU
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Weirdo Seeking Friend
hello fabulous stranger i am lonesome and isolated due to Life so here's my reach out for friends
I have a lil doggo sister.
he/him but gender is a wibble wobble fluid jelly
I like musicals, Hamilton, SIX, Legally Blonde, In the Heights, 21 Chump Street... and screaming the lyrics while intensely emoting.
I love stickers gimme all the stickers.
I am an artist, musician and writer. I wanna dance but I don't know how. Money earning to fund the stickers wise, I am a designer.
I'm slightly obsessed with fanon Draco Malfoy. And drarry fanfiction. And am a fan of Ginny. But not JK Rowling. Nope. Trans rights are human rights.
I want to see italy's art and architecture.
I love the Bronte sisters and their writing as well as family history. To visit Haworth village omg would be a dream.
Taylor Swift, Lana del Rey, Lin Manuel Miranda.
Chomp chomp I like food and sleeping Im not in education rn so I sleep through life I have three naps a day. Why am I making this post, I am so sleepy.
I like bullet journaling and internet aesthetics and crack videos.
wheeeeeeeeeeeee
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artemisia-stars · 2 months
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"You may forget but let me tell you this: someone in some future time will think of us"
-sappho
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