#im going to fucking kill myself im so stressed out so heres my life planned out in picture format.
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#im going to fucking kill myself im so stressed out so heres my life planned out in picture format.#all photos are from pinterest!! I saved them all so if you go to the pinterest tagged in my carrd you'll find all the photos <3#i have five freaking precalc lectures to watch and my exam is on thursday and I am actively missing one right now because it makes me#panicked to even think about that class and instead im doing this#and I can't let my parents know that I am in pretty deep right now because I've been lying to them about my academic life for so long#and if they find out i'm not shit they. they won't get that mad. they#will just send me back to therapy (which i hate!!) and also be very dissapointed in me and hound me until they know im doing my shit#whatever#i wish i could die and then wake up again in a life that isn't mine.#im not suicidal i prommy
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hey, im sorry if this is a sensitive topic but i cant stop thinking about it, do you recal your attempted suicide bombing in station square? do you recall what drove you to suicide? it must have been somthing awful if it pushed somone as brave and as strong as you to take your own life.. did anyone at all try to reach out? i doubt any of those so-called "herros" tryed to offer suport to somone undergoing sutch agony, again, you dont have to respond if you dont want to, but i truly want to know, and im shure the whole empire will suport you in whatever you were or are going through :)
I'm never one to lose hope and determination and give into defeat but that was just a time when it all got to me. I work so hard to accomplish my goals and put so much time, effort and passion into my plans but something comes along and ruins it, again and again. On that particular day, I'd finally reached my capacity for the disappointment, anger and stress. Not just for that day but for my entire lifetime.
Anyone else inferior and weaker than me would be broken down by failure much more often and much sooner, than the one time it pushed me too far. It wasn't really a conscious decision more than something that hit me in the spur of the moment. At first I just thought I'd at least blow Station Square up if nothing else. There would be some catharsis in that blue pest still not succeeding in saving their pathetic lives.
Oh but then of course the missile had to be a dud. Of course even that couldn't go right. So I just thought "Oh, fuck it all", and went to detonate it by hand. I knew I was going to die and I was going to happily take the whole city with me. Once I'd made my mind up, I felt happy, I had a blast trying to race Tails to that missile. I found myself begging for him to wait for me when he was ahead.
It was something to be determined to accomplish again, one I was sure nobody could ruin this time. One last glimmer of hope to succeed in something, one last thrill racing across the city in my Egg Mobile onward to destruction, then I'd be free from ever having to experience failure again. I'd go out having accomplished one part my plan of destroying Station Square, even if I didn't get to build the empire I always dreamed of.
I was tired of being the one who it all ended in destruction for, I wanted others to experience that devastation. For once, I wanted it to end with their destruction and my success and it seemed like the only way. But I obviously lost that race because here I am today. Well, that snapped me out of it and so I went back to trying to kill the little pest Tails who stopped me, since he's the one that actually deserves death really.
Nobody reached out to me and I didn't expect them to. They're used to breaking down everything I build and waiting for the next time I get back up to try to bring me down again and the cycle repeats. It's always just me alone to pick myself up and keep fighting in the end. But I don't need anyone else. I know if I keep at it, I'll succeed. So I try my hardest to fight to accomplish my dreams and not let my mind slip back into that place.
Anyway, enough about that.
The way I still came back from that and have only become stronger and more successful and determined over time just further proves my power! It's another of the many reasons why I deserve to have all of your support, admiration and praise and be your mighty emperor! So that's to be expected, you wouldn't have a choice either way, hehe~
#ask#doctor eggman#roleplay ask blog#dr eggman#sonic#dr robotnik#ask blog#doctor robotnik#rp#sonic the hedgehog#eggman#sth#sonic series#roleplay#suicide tw#sonic adventure
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oh my god this fucking tumblr dash i frogort aobut it already and my figner are fucking freezing so i cant tyoe for shit
anyways so i was browsing like you know one of those websites that streams a bunch of shit for free, and i saw a show called BEEF, just BEEF, it wasnt an acronym or anything. so fo course i had to see what was up duh?? so i finished the first episode. and i fucking love it. i mean the whole time i was lowkey chanting "kill someones kill someone kill someone" but you know how good media does that to you right. but yeah so when the episode finished, i noticed that my heart was beating really fast, like as if id drunk coffee. like lowkey i wouldnt have been surprised if i had passed out onto my desk. but so if my bodys reaction to the show is anything, i enjoyed it. im going to watch the next episode when i either A: feel like i can handle my pulse rising like that again without freaking out or B: i wanna get an adrenaline rush because im really depressed and need to feel something. but yeah this is totally just like that time i watches thor ragnarok, and it took like multiple weeks for me to get through it because i just couldnt handle tom hiddleston. but thsi time i refuse to believe that its any of the actors. i am trying to convince myself that im not that shallow. tbh i just loved the last scene where uhh,,, hold on whats her name okay its Amy. so i loved that scene where she got to fuel all her anger into running after Danny and yelling shit at him. like i know its not for a good reason but i feel like my girl really needed just some way to let some steam out. anyways yeah i am going to go read something that i give zero shits about now because my body is still on alert from that. it feels like im planning on having a voluntary social interaction with someone, which i am not. aka i am anxious as fuck but in this way where i kinda dont want to be, but my body just reacts so strongly that i really cant fight it. ya know social anxiety. except sometimes its triggered by just a good tv series.
honestly its probably just that im excited, because that episode was good,, but because this jittery and kind of stressed feeling isnt really like, often present in my life in a positive way, i just can't tell excitement apart from anxiousness. ya know. normal " i have awful social anxiety" things. or more like "i am severely mentally ill and am not getting the treatment i need" kind of things. pick one. or both. tbh the adults suggested uhh like occupational therapy, and i got a list of therapists from my doctor. but my trust in any kind of help the adults try to give me is so fucking deteriorated that i cant imagine it ever actually helpoing me. and if i told that to an adult i know they would say some shit like " well i f you go in all negative of course its notgonna work!! you gotta want to heal for it to work" and oh my god im drviing myself into abreakdown here so haha i wish that the adults would fucking understand that i fucking have severe anxietyy and trust issues. and that not believing a form of therapy is going to help me, isnt the same thing as not wanting to be helped. do you fucking know how badly i jsut want someone to finally give me some type of actual support or aid or help oh my god. okay my fingers are getting really aggressive on the keyboard. im gonna go fr now. i fucking hate adults. and im tired. and i have trust issues. and i ahve anxiety. and while my medication does help me to go about my day a bit easier, because i dont find myself digging mental holes for myself. it doesnt help for shit when im in a situation that in and of itself is anxiety inducing for me. and i dont fucking like how i cant tell the difference in my mood between the lighter and stronger dose. because i cant fucking say that its not heloing. because i dont know that. oh my god i am so horrible at stopping myself from venting. going now. okay. bye.
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...
i wanna believe that what i want to do with my life will come to me soon and ill be able to pretend like im a functional human but i dont think it will...im in my sophomore year im failing all my classes, i have 100 missing assignments, all my friends have their lives together and i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life let alone tomorrow. how the fuck is it so easy for everybody else. they all have jobs and are looking at colleges and then theres me...i wasnt planning to make it past 11 years old and here i am...15 years old...almost 16. what the fuck am i supposed to do...my brother moved out when he was 27 because he didnt want to leave me...i cant stand not being with my brother...so i know im planning to move closer to him...but how do i get the money to do that, im a crippled tranny and thats fucking expensive, i wont have the money to live and going to college just doesnt seem like an option anymore...everything i WANT to do with my life i either cant do because im disabled or just fucking suck at...i just want to figure shit out...i wanna know what im going to do with my life...just the thought of school or the future send me into a full on panic attack...idfk maybe im not meant for this world, maybe i just exist to the the bad example, the parents say "dont do what skele did, you dont wanna end up like them do you?" im just a guide of what not to do. most people can at least make it through highschool and have this horrible burnout in college and then drop out amd it works out ok for them...they have a highschool diploma and shit...but im here forcing myself to get up every morning. the amount of effort people put into school and work and everything productive is just barely enough to get me out of bed...i spend all my energy just trying to keep going...i dont have the will to keep going on with life but i dont want to end it...i want to keep going for all the things i enjoy...but ffs all the stresses in life are just too much for me...its all too much for me...i just wanna be normal...i wanna be able to do school and work and all that and not want to gucking kill myself over it...because i enjoy learning...i enjoy doing monotonous things like work...but i just fucking CANT i try so fucking hard and i just CANT...im on new meds that are supposed to help me with my executive function but they just dont work...nothing is working for me and it makes me feel fucking hopeless...i just want to be fucking normal...i wanna be normal in at least one way goddamnit...i just want to know what i should do with my life...what ill be, assuming that i even do anything with my life...i feel like im such a waste of space...i wish the world had space for me...i just feel crammed into this world, like i was never meant to exist...like the world would be a better place if i was never born...like i was the worst mistake ever made...
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Growing up queer in the Balkans
Growing up and being aware that you are different in a way that, at the time, it seemed nobody else was, was insanely hard and fucking scary.
Realising you were something other than straight was so insanely terrifying that words couldn't describe how devastated i was. I spent my early years begging any god ,that maybe, just maybe could exist in this wast fucking universe to make me normal. Because I was never good enough, never normal enough, never just enough for anyone.
Realising i had a huge ass crush on one of my classmates was so heartbreaking. I pretended for so long that i liked the same popular boys everybody else did, but even then i was maid fun of for that.
I dont know what was worse for me , to be honest, the realisation and comming out to myself as a bisexual and a nonbinary person and finaly having the courage to put labels on how i was feeling , or my family , my parents, my grandparents finding out i wanted to look like a boy and kiss girls.
I knew i couldnt tell them, every fucking scenario i played out ended with me either gettting beaten to death or beaten and kicked out.
I planned my escape routs, i had a go bag that I maid for a , just in case they somehow finde out.
It was terrefing and scary and so fucking stress induing that I kept thinking im better off dead then being openly gay.
I never told anyone and it was eating me up inside. It felt like a huge part of me was just slowly dying from the lack of exposure, I felt i was dying.
Finally i had the courage after meeting a friend of mine who was also semi openly gay, to come out as bisexual.
I thought , ok i will just say im bi and the nonbinary trans thing im not gonna mention because what if they dont accept me.
Even now that i came out , and showed people who i actually am, i still feel reserved, and like i have to hide it a lot . Because Bosna is not a forgiving or an accepting place.
I came out in a bathroom of a psych word at 3 am to my mum, absolutely broken and fucked, because trying to explain to my parents that i was severely mentally ill was like trying to tell a fish that if they just try hard enough it can grow legs.
Suffice to say i had a huge mental breakdown and, i will spear you from the gorry details , lets just say it wasnt fun. I knew that this was my only shot at coming out to my parents, they werent there to hit me , i had the cover of a phone, i wasnt at home, and if it all went to shit there was a social worker who could help me get back on my feet.
I know, however stupid and sad and depressing it is going to sound, that my parents only accepted me because they thought i was going to kill myself. And i know that they love to deny it.
Even now they spew so much homophobic shit my way that i dont know how i can stay in the same room as them without crying my eyes out. I guess i just got used to it, even tho it still hurts like a mother fucker.
I mett so many lgbtq people in my country, and the first time i saw and mett a trans person who spoke my language and lived in the same streets and went to the same koffee shops as me, i wanted to cry out of happiness.
I wasn't alone, for the first fucking time, I wasn't alone. We talked about binding and testosterone and how to feel less disphoric, it was the first time THAT part of my life was understood by someone who was also trans.
I love my friends i really do, without them, i wouldn't be here, they are my found family, but they will never understand the trans part of me.
The discomfort and wanting to cut your body parts so you can look yourself in the mirror.
So i guess I'm writing this for that one person who lives in a country where it's absolutely fucked to be any sort of gay. Who, like me felt alone. This probably didn't make a lot of sense but it was just a brain dump so forgive me.
Have a nice day lovely humans. and sorry for the misspellings im disleksisk
Finn xoxo
#brain dump#lgbtq community#lgbtq#balkan#oh fuck i hate this#i dont know how to tagg#its 1 30 am and i cant sleep#so i wrote this#bc idk
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covid fucked up my life.
i was doing fine in school but that fucking disease spread all over the place. i don't think i'll ever be normal again.
i never got my diploma, i saw everyone i knew in school graduate and go on to be happy and successful and here i am, alone and rotting away in my damn room because i can't function all because i wanted to kill myself. i'm stuck in the last, i'm stuck feeling like i'm still 16 years old, it's like i was frozen in time.
any thought of school makes me want to fucking sob because it was so stressful. they said highschool would get better.
i dreamt of two things that would happen to my life after highschool, one; i'd be happy and successful and two; i'd end up killing myself. neither of those things happened, so what now? what am i supposed to do now?
i hope, i pray, that what i have planned for a job happens, it'd mean i proved my asshole art teacher wrong. i will prove all of them fucking wrong. IM NOT WEAK. I MAY HAVE FUCKING DROPPED OUT BUT I AM NOT FUCKING WEAK. anyone who may have known me, that motherfucker is dead, that thing is dead. i killed that sonova bitch. i am done pleasing people, caring about their fucking feelings.
i'm not sorry.
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june 12th
hi
i wanted to start writing because i feel like itll help me in some way, ive never really said anything i think or feel. i never really say anything at all.
if for some reason someone who isnt me reads this im sorry. itll be a lot of word vomit and just generally unpleasant so maybe dont read all of it lol. im going to try and not use lol beacuse i do that to lighten the mood.
anyway.
yesterday before i went to work i had this really strange feeling. it was this weird sense of nothingness and everything? i feel like thats how people feel before they die. like a weird calmness. i felt comfortable and okay with everything. so i felt nothing really when i googled if hanging yourself hurts, i have a rope and everything but i just wanted to make sure i wouldnt feel any more pain. in my head i thought it would be kinda like a slap to the face if i wanted to kill myself because of the pain and then the last thing i feel is pain ha.
anyway. i got really annoyed when all the results were for the suicide helpline. numbers to call, resources, texting lines everything. i just wanted to know. but then i gave up. as usual.
all day yesterday i was just planning on when id do it. i wanted to pick a good day. i remembered that i have to clean my apartment first, make sure my cat is fed, but then my friends birthday is coming up and i wanted to wish them a happy birthday, and i had plans to hang out with my friend, and then after that i had plans to hang out with another of my friends. i realized maybe im too busy to die and i really didn't want to disappoint anyone. so i just gave up on that thought. (i did see my friends i was supposed to see yesterday, and this guy bought my food and drinks which has never happened before which was really nice)
idk how i got here honestly. ive tried suicide before but obviously im writing so that didnt work. but before was different. i just went for it. i didnt think about it. i didnt plan anything i just went 1,2,3 go. i mean, i know how i got here. myself. if i wasnt such a fucking people pleaser maybe I'd have enough balls to be in a better place.
my ex and i officially broke up last week, and thats kinda where it all started. i know it sounds stereotypical but i dont want to die because of the breakup but because of the feelings that came after it. i really wanted to break up. it was my idea in the beginning. but it took him forever to just say “yeah i dont have any feelings so this is it”. it was like my ego took a flip. ive actually have never had someone say that to me. that sounds really uppity i know. but its true. in my head i thought “after all i did for you thats how you end it?”. and i really ruined my life for this guy. i quit my old job i did hate it tho, moved away from my friends and family, he got into an accident so i used all my money to take care of him and had to take off work, drove him everywhere bc he couldnt drive, etc. and what did i get in return? he cheated on me twice, treated me like shit, slammed a door in my face so hard it broke my glasses, tried to hit me. the relationship was so bad all im left with is alcoholism and an eating disorder. so honestly, good riddance.
he left me in a really, really bad place. i have to figure out where to live now since he just up and left. i dont have enough money to live on my own anymore. tbh i dont even want to write about it since it stresses me out so much. so i wont. ive just been drinking and going out to distract myself. not from him but like i said, the feelings that came after it. i want revenge, i want peace, i want him to apologize, i want him to never do this to anyone, and i just want to die. i dont have people to talk to about this stuff, i do but, i dont want to seem like an angry ex. i just want people to see the hurt that ive been through. i just want someone to tell me its going to be okay. that what i feel is normal. that people go through this all the time. i just want comfort.
im sure if i actually told anyone about this theyd be like “but you have me!! you have your family!! you have people who care about you!!”. and yeah i do. but when youre so far down a hole, you dont see the light at the top, just darkness. and probably dirt lol.
i cried for the first time today. since all of this happened i havent cried at all. my chest has been hurting so much since ive been holding it in. but the reason i started crying was kinda dumb. one of my old friends found me and reached out. he wanted to see how i was doing and what ive been up to. what was i supposed to say? “hey ive been horrible! just planning my suicide and and stuff ya know” but of course i couldnt say that so i just said ive been good. we caught up for a bit and thats when he said hes getting over a breakup that messed him up. so i took the bait and said yeah me too. he just said if you ever want to talk you can always call or text. so i just said thank you it means a lot and that things can only get better i guess. and idk why but thats when i started crying. he said
“theres so much good to come”
its so dumb but i felt like those words were just a giant warm blanket. especially with the head space that im in. obviously i could hear that from anyone. but hearing it from someone i haven't talked to in like 4 years meant so much more.
there are so many people who care about me. ive just been stuck dealing with my ex and only caring about what he had to think or feel. he never really cared about me like these people do. theyre concerned about me. they tell me to eat, they tell me theyre worried about my drinking, they dont want me to be out alone, they want to make sure im okay.
so fuck my ex. fuck him and anyone who thinks hes a good person. hes such a manipulative piece of shit. no one really knows what ive been through. no one knows how hes left me. no one knows about the cheating. no one knows about the abuse. they know nothing. im sure hes talked about me. im sure hes told them how i have a hard time showing feelings. im sure hes told them.. i dont even know. hes probably pulled something out of his ass. and they probably feel so bad for him. i hope they do. and i hope one day they feel just as stupid as i do.
i just had to get my anger out.
but my friend is right i think. maybe there is good to come. ive decided to stick around to find out.
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Most of the people in my sharehouse are students
They’re home all goddamn day because they take ONEEEE class. Japanese. That’s fucking all. They have one hour of class and spend the rest of the day in the house. Cause most of them also apparently dont wanna go out despite just having arrived to a new country
Whatever. Stressed cause
Every single fucking day. Everything is always going wrong
It was so hot today i sweat so much and needed to wash my clothes. I get in the house. No ones doing anything. Its quiet and dark. I havent washed my clothes in weeks cause i dont wash them when i hear other ppl using the washer and dryer
Its annoying to me to be have a silent battle of who gets to use the dryer
And so i usually wash my clothes in the middle of the night when everyone else is sleeping (the washer room is its own room and you dont hear it if the doors closed
I do this with everything. I hate being around ppl for no damn reason. So i plan everything for unpopular times. I avoid crowds. I wait till ppl go away to do things
So it drives me FUCKING NUTS when people copy or follow me
And this student
Here all fucking day
Decided after i started to wash clothes
To start washing his too
YOU WERE HERE ALL DAY!!!! WHILE I WAS WORKING
Its 6 o fucking clock WHY?!?!?!?
Same way my grandfather used to stand up in the living room in front of me when i got back from school and run to the bathroom RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. when he could have gone. ALL DAMN DAY!!!
And now that im thinking of it. Was thinking about my great grandmother earlier for the same reason
This is probably why i have such outward reactions to ppl being dicks to me now as an adult.
Because when he did shit like that and when she did horrible stuff. I had to just keep a neutral face. Say nothing. Pretend not to notice and to not be bothered. If they decided to rub whatever it was in by asking if it bothered me or anything i had to smile and encourage them to do whatever it was they were doing. I could only sometimes ask politelyyyyyy for the opposite
Ie. “Oh hey poppop! Sorry! But could i go to the bathroom ahead of you real quick??? I gotta pee soo bad!!!” Be nice. Ask politely. Add some humor
And still usually that got me an angry GO AHEAD and then grumbling as h stomped away…. And im literally getting a flashback as in write this. Hes say things like he gets no respect and hes gonna sell the house and let us all figure out how to live on the streets and kill the animals and and and
And i had to just assure myself that asking to use the bathroom for 30 seconds before he went to fall asleep on the toilet wasnt that bad and no cry and take deep breathe and try to forget. Then not dare ask for a while
Usually is ask my mom to ask them stuff. And still get a side remark about why didnt i ask myself and if i asked myself maybe they’d accommodate me
Ugh ok whatever. Im sick of living a cursed life. Im sick or everything having to be a struggle no matter how simple. I hate to everything and i miss my mom
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Lonliness
TW // Suicide mention (wow im actually using TW without irony... who thought that would happen lmao)
You know, over the past 5 or so months, I Had absolutely struggled the hardest I ever have in life; for the first two months, I suffered in silence, and not a single person knew what was going on. Some people had noticed but never really asked if I was doing okay; of course, I would have said "I'm doing fine" anyways, but I really have to thank my friend goob for listing to me when I had a mental breakdown, it was really sudden from his point of view because before this point I was a very jolly and silly guy. However, what had occurred was I had not slept for about 3 to 4 days at this point out of stress and other mental things, I had not been at school for about a month at this point, and he had known, but not as to why. he asks, "why aren't you at school, little guy" (of course in a jokey way, not intended to insult or upset me), but I had just kind of lost it and broke down crying and screaming... now I'm not much of an open guy, so this really shocked him. But instead of just ignoring it and going on, he stayed and listened to me. After about 2 hours of crying out and just saying EVERYTHING that had been going on in my mind, he stayed with me and calmed me down. Let me tell him about all the trauma I had experienced, all the stress I was taken from school, etc., etc. I had even told him about my plans to kill myself; I had genuinely planned on doing it. But thankfully, he was there to talk me out of it. If it was not for him, I would not likely be here right now. He's been with me, helping me sense than in a way no one ever has before; it really really was nice to have a good friend talk to you while you lose it... about 2 months ago, my school finally let me get what I needed after 9 months of begging (it only got really really bad at the beginning of the year, up intill that point I could handle myself well enough) eventually I was able to catch up with the help of him, he would help calm me down when I have a panic attack and actually going fucking insane, I do not know how he was able to keep calm during that, it must have too have been really really scary that someones mental health was being supported by only one guy... eventually as the tides had lowered and things started to calm down. I was able to get from straight F's in every single class to B's in all of them... I then graduated about a week ago or so... I look back and sometimes reflect on how it was. have you ever been in a state where you can't really process how bad something is due to its extremity? That's what it feels like. It's like I'm looking at a wall that just goes up and never ends, and somehow we were able to get over it. It scares me when I look back... but I have to say. I think it was overall a good thing; in its own weird demented way, it taught me that it's okay to be more open about your emotions... I used to have a habit where I would bottle it up. But I mean extremely, like a volcano that's been sealed by the earth, and it had caused me to get to such a bad mental place I had genuinely considered suicide, I have sense burned my note... I'm glad I don't remember what it said on it... but I will say now, I am very, very happy. I'm glad its over, and I coldent have done it wouth him... please anyone reading this, be open about your emotions no matter how negative they are, and if you belive you cant, try and find a professional... i admit it was not smart of me to rely to dump all of my stuff on him, I had told me after the whole ordeal that it had actually caused him quite a bit of stress, but I cannot thank him enough for supporting me not matter what.
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How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?
I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.
TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface
Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.
And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie
What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?
Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”
So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?
The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it
ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN
Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ
The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel
Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-
Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.
Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died
I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?
Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional
Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?
“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?
Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)
20 minutes in and I wanted to give up
So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??
The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?
AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR
“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you
So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar
I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes
“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED
“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT
The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired
“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY
STOP THE FACES IM-
^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^
So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-
It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all
Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?
For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again
Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?
Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?
So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one
WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME
The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain
Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY
I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought
“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do
Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!
“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?
“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf
Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park
“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t
So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦♀️
“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT
EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT
“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT
The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film
This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.
Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)
This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot
WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-
I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...
I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.
LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there
The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not
I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.
Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess
So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up
YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH
The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-
I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious
“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT
“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU
“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-
ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU
There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful
Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.
Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?
And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???
She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there
So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???
Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!
She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender
The less said about the musical number here the better
Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!
ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING
Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number
The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.
Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨
I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything
“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?
There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES
Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???
Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number
Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.
Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.
The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?
Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”
Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES
“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY
“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT
Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever
This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*
Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end
I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level
She got a service dog puppy which... okay?
Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!
I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing
AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻
Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.
We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.
As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.
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Hi, I'm depressed it's almost 1am and I'm gonna blog my Peaky episode watch:
Episode: Series 4 episode 3
Let's go
My dad said Paul walks like a ape, and it's, all I see now... Like with both arms at the same time
Michael gives me so many mixed feelings but it's cute that his, adoptive mum showed up in the hospital
Village Michael was the best Michael
Does the adoptive mum know it was Michael's decision not to go back? She's out here, blaming Tommy, like babe... Tommy wanted Michael to go, he refused
ADA MY BABY
Polly counting the days she's gone without a fuck 😭 legendary behaviour only, you go be with someone unsuitable ma'am, we rooting for you
Hi Ada saying "behave yourself" is lowkey fucking hot
You never behave yourself Pol you go down with legends
Only Cillian could rock Harry Potter glasses with that Haircut and I am here for it
I'll make a post on this, later but Tommy needs a, woman like Linda, a women who gets him away for the Buisness
Im not a fan of Linda but Kate is gorgeous 😍
Why is everyone in this cast so hot though
No but I had to watch the Arthur and Linda, sex scene with my dad 😭😭 there's others but this is by far the worst 😭 I hate every time we get there 😭
"keep his balls empty and his belly full" Linda's mum >>>>
I hate myself for thinking this but I wonder if Helens hair drastically changed to this shorter one because she was going through treatment..it looks similar to my aunts, who went through breast cancer so I'm like 👀
Probably not cuz it's years before but.... Who knows
The paint fight scene must have been so fun to film... I love watching it each time
"I'm here as a lover of theatre" Me introducing my theatre nerd ass
I alwaud forget how good Adrien is in Peaky... Season 4 is one of my least favourite seasons but Adrien kills it as Luca even though I dislike his character in general
Arthur he had a fucking vote because it was planned to have the vote Just because you were getting fucked doesn't mean that stops
Arthur... John shoulda killed his teacher... Its not on you it's on his dumb ass
Kates smile is GORGEOUS
Arthur and Linda are a toxic relationship on each end and I hate that neither of them are getting happiness
She's trying to help you get out of the life which is damaging you Arthur, don't go Bat shit at her
100% found out that I've developed a new crush on Kate just now...can't wait to rewatch with this knowledge
"you have a lot of enemies" no shit mate... No fucking shit
JESSIE BABY HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU
and your muppet dress
You cannot say that that dress don't look like it's got muppet on
Ti's the Muppet dress..
Okay I made a post on this before but Cillians subtle yet heartbreaking acting when Greta gets brought up is a hyper fixation every damn time I watch this episode... Here's, my gif from last time
He looks so broken and I can't explain how much I love his acting choice there... Whether he even knew he was doing it or not
I'm so angry Jessie isn't coming back next series 😭
Her and Cillian had so much on screen (for lack of better word) chemistry and I'm sad we won't get any more of it 😭
Greta is still Tommys truest love and possibly his ownly love and I will go to my grave thinking that
Jessie/Charlie deserves SO much more love than she got and I'm forever bitter about how dirty she was done
Cillians acting in this scene is heartbreakingly subtle yet beautiful and I'm in awe
Arthur firing the bullet, I'm not a HUGE Arthur fan but he needs to go and get therapy and find happiness
Lizzie is under appreciated as the woman who isn't with Tommy... She is so much more than Tommy's wife
"Tommy said yes, Arthur said yes"
"but did God say yes" - I love Polly 😭
Finn trying to be in charge, bby no
As someone who has been to Blackpool... That is the happiest look you will ever see... I stayed at a hotel there for a con and it didn't even have a fucking window... We were in a box... I feel Tommy had the same experience
Lizzie, Polly and Linda arranging a girl for Finn gives more proof that he's fruity 🍓
"nice women don't do that sort of thing"
"yes they do, look at you" - we love sweet Tommy one liners 🥺
Hi if tommy wants to take me to the docks Id love that because it's, precious as fuck 🥺
He is fully in his head fucking Greta here but its still a fucking sweet moment and I love it
HE PROMISED GRETA HE WAS GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD GUYS I CANT 😭
The way he goes back to talking business straight after having sex 😭 boy, rest dammit
"I don't want it like that ever again Tom" cuz you are interested in the other gender?
This scene woulda been a great one for Finn to come out to Tommy and I'm bitter it didn't happen, Steven recognise he ain't straight dammit
I remember watching the scene where Polly 'betrays" Tommy the first time and being so fucking pissed 😂 Still lowkey stresses me the fuck out
I always think I dislike S4 until I watch it and then I'm like damn... What a masterpiece ✨
Top 3 thinks I've thought:
1. Wow Kate is gorgeous and I hate that I've ignored it this long
2. Tommys romantic side who has his guard down needs to be shown more
3. It's not gonna be the same without Helen, I just pray they do it respectfully 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Ahhh that was fun... Hope you enjoyed my commentary 😂
(it's now 2am...oops 🙈)
#cillian murphy#thomas shelby#tommy shelby#peaky blinders#bbc peaky blinders#peaky fookin blinders#thomasshelby#peaky fucking blinders#ada shelby#arthur shelby#polly shelby#polly gray#michael gray#linda shelby#jessie eden#sophie rundle#helen mccrory#finn cole#kate phillips#paul anderson#charlie murphy#by order of the peaky blinders#emotionalsupportshelby#watch peaky with molly
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The Mandalorian Chapter 15 reactions; *nobby nobbs voice* ‘s all gone a bit percychological, sir
- so from both chapter 6 and now this: rick famuyiwa is incredible at portraying prolonged discomfort and tension (and also at getting din’s endless love for that baby across through the stress of being separated from him. this is the very first episode with no baby in it at all, isn’t it? wow that’s a heartbreaking milestone to reach im crying)
I liked this episode SO MUCH but I had to pause it pretty often and take a breather because it all made me so viscerally uncomfortable on din’s behalf -- not just the armour and having to take the helmet off and be seen for the (almost, ilu IG-11) first time in decades, people keep touching him in this episode when he clearly doesn’t want them to but can’t stop it and it makes me want to claw my own skin off in sympathy, it’s so awful. that’s really neat film making to manage to keep that tension steady almost all the way through!!!
honestly this episode felt a little bit like psychological horror, with the cheering storm troopers and din in the wrong armour and clearly not digging it and there’s the palpable absence of baby and that ever present dread of being Perceived when you’re not ready for it; everything’s turned upside down from how it should be. and it’s playing with that discomfort both in the main character and in us, the audience, in having the familiar be made unfamiliar and also introducing these questions that shake up everything (that feeling you get of ‘but... if it’s not the helmet, and not the armour, but there’s his face, but we’ve only seen that face once before so it’s still basically new to us, is this... is this still him. is this still Dad’ (oooh I wonder if we’re... sort of getting some of the ??? the baby would be feeling about it too?) we’ve all imprinted on that t-shaped visor like little baby birds, and this was a very clever episode to break us out of that and start to really get used to the thought of him having several faces that are real simultaneously, in a way, and not just a voice. it’s all very smart and interesting and I’m sure I’ll have a lot of incoherent thoughts about this in the weeks to come lol)
- the actual reason din can’t take off the helmet is that if people were able to see his wide confused puppy eyes they would no longer find it in themselves to send him on long arduous side missions and would help him immediately just so he’d feel better, and that would rob us of like 80% of the content for this show
mayfeld in this episode: clearly a casualty of this. he literally sees one glimpse of the vulnerability there and then within five seconds goes on to materialize a few redeeming character traits after being a complete jackass for an episode and a half. (I mean. he was 100% still an imperial so I’m a bit ‘hm.’ about how easily especially cara let him off the hook, but with the way it was set up I guess it would have been quite shitty of them to just throw him back in prison so I mean I GUESS. I would be endlessly grateful someone got my awkward bff out of there alive and well too I suppose)
- I actually think din’s sense/integrity of self has gotten so much stronger and more resilient (though probably still quite fragile pls handle with care precious cargo within); if this had happened in the first season I think it might honestly just have killed him (and if it weren’t for IG-11 it probably would have lol)
- can you beLIEVE din is so bad at lying that they literally should plan for contingencies over it fjkasdlhfskajdhfsdj
- very grateful for the scene with the spear throw that’s basically there to reassure us ‘uh-huh, he absolutely knows how to use it, don’t worry about that part at least’
I want to make a whole post about that fight scene, though, it’s just so GOOD! there’s so much storytelling and characterization in it! even out of the armour din has some real hand to hand MOVES!! he clearly came out of that aching all over, he can barely get back in his seat!!!
- so what I’m mainly taking away from this is that din absolutely cuts his own hair and you know what? he does a good job considering the conditions he has to work under, I love him
I still find it so goddamn darling that he meticulously maintains that little mustache/stubble combo under there even when there’s every reason to believe no one will ever see it
I suppose we can also gather that he did not ask cobb about whatever insane feat of magic he’s come up with to avoid helmet hair, but I don’t care looking a bit frazzled and tousled is exactly right for him (he’s so put together when he’s in the armour and a MESS when he’s out of it and I l o v e it)
- boba fett is honestly so fucking hot in this I don’t know what to do with myself haha. he’s so CALM and CALCULATED and COLLECTED in his newly painted armour and he’s GOT THIS and he made that ‘I’ve got one of those faces. one of jango’s many, many, many faces’ joke and he’s so thicc now, he looks like he could easily lift me over his head with one hand and he’s just quietly steady and undramatically supportive and sdalfhsdjhfsa
- ...din does know who the clone troopers were, right. I mean of course he does. he has to. but does he though. I’m sure he does and just wasn’t thinking.
- no matter how stressful it was I’m still really grateful that in the end taking the helmet off was something din got to do himself -- it’s under some duress, but it’s still his choice and for the sake of the baby, and almost in two more manageable steps between putting on the storm trooper gear for a different helmet before taking it off altogether. it’s not something done to him by gideon, for example, that would be. so much yuckier and worse. he still has that control and agency intact, even if it’s been tested really hard, and now gideon doing that doesn’t hold the exact same nightmarish power anymore because there’s already a little space opened in din’s mind for different things it can mean, if you see what I mean. I’m not sure I see what I mean actually I just have a lot of feelings haha. so I guess thank you mayfeld for being decent about it and helping him towards that realization that he can still be himself outside these really really inflexible structures he’s set up around himself for like. stability and keeping himself upright for a really long time, and that even someone halfway decent won’t disrespect the boundaries he still has about it at any given moment. man there’s a lot in this episode isn’t there
- the sigh din gave when he saw even more pirates coming and knew he had to get back up... never has a single moment in cinema better captured how I feel about being alive. most relatable man in the world din djarin
- it was really cruel of them to make me listen to din’s dead bleak voice say ‘the child is gone’ again, it wrecks my heart every goddamn time
- again... I wish carano wasn’t Like That in real life because the cara & fennec scenes should have been everything I could ever dream. ah well fennec was still wonderful and if I just allow myself to think in-universe for a few seconds it was really touching that din would entrust cara with his entire armour, that’s some prime BrOTP energy right there
I love that we got two female characters who were just allies and working together, no competition or nothin’. listen the bar is low but it’s nice to see something actually leap gracefully over it as well lol
- this was one of those with some pretty big open plot holes (why, exactly, would a scan of a completely unknown face be helpful to get into this classified system lol), but a) I don’t care, the emotional storyline was so sound it doesn’t really matter and b) eh handwave handwave let’s say mayfeld programmed that little stick with the good shit and overrode the code saying there needed to be an identity match within the system, it’s all fine
- I know I joke a lot about this but din really is one of the most relatable characters I’ve ever had. just watching him struggle with eye contact and going pretty much nonverbal under enough stress is like. wow a bit close to home there could we, perhaps, nOT?? (honestly though these are trauma/anxiety things I really don’t see portrayed a lot, especially in protagonists, it’s so odd but healing to see it in a character I love and who’s EXTREMELY competent in many other settings)
- din repeating gideon’s speech back to him word for word (except for the crucial detail that he calls grogu ‘him’ instead of ‘it’ 😭😭😭) and saying nothing else is truly Everything. I’ve said some stuff about din’s deliberate and thoughtful relationship to language in the past and this is such an amazing example of it; he’s remembered that pitch perfect all this time, he’s kept it around in his head and mulled it over and then redeployed it to change the meaning of it completely from dehumanization to love. can you. can you even imagine. and it’s yet another example of his hilarious wonderful petty streak and I can never get enough of it fasjhdfkjalhs
- din always noticing the children first and foremost Y_______Y (the kids running by is the only thing you see him sort of acknowledge when he’s walking into the covert in season 1 too)
- please... please I just need him to be able to hold that baby against his chest all safe and sound and okay again I can’t it’s........ hh
NO SEASON END CLIFF HANGER ON THIS I AM B E G G I N G YOU
- I would be having some thoughts about how much space there actually is on slave 1 and what that might mean (do not kill boba again please don’t kill him again), but honestly there’s only ‘GET BABY’ hours in here now, I can’t speculate about anything
#star wars#the mandalorian#the mandalorian spoilers#the mandalorian meta#this is an episode in the 'wow that was awesome but I need to go lie down in a quiet room for a while afterwards' tradition lol
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How did komahina co-parent at first? How was hajimes reaction to the twins? Did bebi like getting siblings
komahina's co-parenting at first was...definitely an Ordeal. not even because of bebi, but bc komahina is a mess.
originally hajime was very insecure about his role in bebi's life, as he had very clearly asserted himself as a separate person from izuru and that he was going to live as hajime and not someone else- so wouldn't that make bebi Not his kid? sure, they're his genetically, but in theory.... that was the dilemma he dealt with. he'd already grown attached to them when he was caring for them while nagito was still in a coma and worries now that nagito has woken up, his job is done, and that nagito won't want him around bebi anymore.
in turn, nagito is worried that bc hajime is asserting himself as separate from izuru that he doesn't see bebi as his kid and will not be interested in raising them, that bebi will lose their father and nagito will lose his once-husband (lurking somewhere in hajime's subconscious...) turned best friend.
they live together right off the bat, sleeping in the same bed (bebi likes to be held by the 2 of them to fall asleep...but even when bebi sleeps in their own bed they didn't think to get separate bedrooms or anything...) and end up becoming very.....affectionate with one another despite their claims that they're purely platonic. they "platonically" hold hands, cuddle, kiss, kiss, and more...intimate things in the cover of night ;)
nagito's convinced hajime is just "using him for stress relief" and he's only truly staying bc he'd feel guilty leaving bebi. hajime thinks they're together. this miscommunication is not truly cleared up until hajime proposes.
other than that, they both love bebi very very much and spend all their time with bebi, doting on them, playing with them, caring for them.
as for hajime's reaction to the twins- that in itself was also an Ordeal! when nagito found out he was pregnant again, bebi was very sick and in the hospital, which was very hard on nagito as he blamed himself. and he had resigned himself to leaving bebi and hajime, thinking they'd be safer without him in their lives. hajime was an adult who was fully informed of the danger of nagito's luck and had izuru's luck to protect him ! but bebi couldn't consent to that. he did not want to risk hurting his child in any capacity. so he resigned himself to leaving...but the news of pregnancy only devastated him further. to think he'd ruin not only bebi and hajime's lives but the life of another baby (not knowing it was twins lol)....it was too much for him.
the plan was to leave the island, suffer through the pregnancy by himself, and come back after the birth to drop their new baby off before disappearing forever.
trans male pregnancy under the cut
bc nagito's carrying twins, the toll on his body during this pregnancy is far worse than it was during despair. he becomes very weak and sickly, especially with the added stress and despair of trying to leave his 'best friend' and kid, his kid being in the hospital,,, he hasn't been taking care of himself.
the night bebi returns from the hospital (fully recovered! ...but having finally fully lost their vision in their right eye), hajime catches nagito trying to leave. he'd collapsed on his way out, having gotten incredibly dizzy. he'd left nothing but a note on the nightstand reading, "Be back soon."
hajime wakes up to an empty bed and almost (almost) panics, steadies his breaths to the small snores of a sleeping baby in a nearby crib. he finds nagito half unconscious on the beach slumped on a duffel bag.
"nagito??? nagito???? nagito!!! oh, thank god"
"h...inata-kun?"
"yea, it's me, come on, let's get you-"
and nagitos eyes clear up and he shoves hajime away.
"nagito-?"
"stay away from me!"
"nagito, you're not in your right mind, let's go back to the cabin-"
"...how did you find me."
"well, I found your note, which scared me shitless- I had no idea where you were or what had happened to you and frankly, I'm pretty pissed about that, but that can wait until I know you're safe-"
"I'm so sorry, hinata-kun, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, hinata-kun, hinata-kun, hinata-kun-"
"jeez, I said you can call me hajime... it's alright, relax, i'm not really mad. I was just worried."
"you don't understand, you have to get away from me now-"
"what are you even doing out here. what's with the bag"
"hinata-kun."
"....where were you going"
"I hadn't decided yet"
"why"
"I-"
"just bc you're in remission, you think you can just do whatever you want? what if something happened to you? goddamn it, you're not bullet proof, nagito! I know you're working on it, I know you're trying, but fuck you're so goddamn selfish! people care about you! I care about you! why can't you just understand that!"
"i won't let myself hurt you!"
"you're hurting me now!"
"this will ruin your life, i will ruin your life-"
"im your fucking....best friend, just tell me what's wrong, i can help you-"
"nobody can help me, it's too late for me..."
"goddamn it, nagito, please-!"
and nagitos voice breaks when he whispers.
"...i'm pregnant"
".......what"
and nagito breaks into a quiet sob
"I'm pregnant, hajime, and no one else on this island would dare defile themselves with me the way you have..."
"are you serious?"
"please don't make me say it again"
and maybe if nagito weren't lost in a spiral of self deprecation and if his eyes weren't swimming with tears, he would've seen the nervous smile that broke out on hajime's face, the joy in his voice.
"nagito, that's-!"
"horrible? disgusting? i know I'm an abomination, hajime, maybe if my pathetic body functioned the way it was meant to-"
"don't say that. don't you ever say that"
"please just leave..."
"you...you were pregnant with our kid and you were gonna leave??? what if you relapsed? what if you needed me?" hajime grabbed his face and forced nagito to look at him.
"why are you doing this?"
nagito laughed breathlessly, hysterically.
"don't worry, hinata-kun, i would have brought them back! i simply didnt want to force you through the despair of having someone as putrid as me being pregnant, knowing that you've procreated with the lowest scum of the earth....surely it would ruin you. besides, i could never take your child from their father. nor would i subject them to my luck...will you let me go now, knowing your child will be alright"
"they're your kid too"
"for the sake of their sanity I'd rather keep that to myself" hajime steeled his expression, then grabbed Nagito's wrist.
"we're going back to the cabin. we'll talk more in the morning."
"Hinata-kun, let go of me."
"nagito, let's go."
"hinata, let go"
"I'm not leaving you out here"
nagito starts tearing up again and scratching frantically at his own skin.
"please"
"we're leaving." and hajime picks nagito up (he was
probably still too dizzy to walk anyway). but nagito starts screaming and thrashing and crying and weakly hitting hajime.
"LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO, IM GONNA HURT YOU, IM GONNA KILL YOU, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE-"
and hajime starts silently crying too but he just holds on tighter and keeps walking.
i think they get to the cabin and hajime sets him down on the bed and nagito starts punching hajimes chest (not hard) but hajime just grabs his wrists and holds them tight as nagito struggles and cries softly.
"i ruined your life..me and this broken body of mine."
"i...love you. you're not broken. I'm not leaving and neither are you."
"i hate you..."
"you're the best thing that ever happened to me."
"I'll kill you..."
"you won't."
"why won't you just leave.."
"why won't you stay."
"..." "lets go to bed. we'll see mikan in the morning. get some rest." nagito is still scratching at his skin when hajime pulls him against his chest and forces nagito to lay down with him.
"i love you"
"im scared..."
"i know"
"im so sorry.."
"i know. it's ok"
"it's not"
"as long as you're still with me, it is."
"you're too kind to me.."
"i love you."
"how many times are you going to say that."
"as many times as it takes for you to believe it."
and the conversation pitters off as nagito silently sobs into hajime's chest until he passes out while Hajime rubs small circles into his back and presses kisses to his head.
nagito wakes up with his eyes swollen face still tucked into Hajime's chest and he knows hajime's awake bc he can feel his chest vibrating with light hums and soft strokes to his hair. nagito looks up and licks his lips, eyes watering again when he sees hajime's patient gaze, his eyes crinkling in a worried smile, extenuating the eyebags and evident exhaustion.
"hinata-kun, i'm so s-"
"shhh. none of that. we're seeing mikan in a bit, i already called her. i'm sorry for not noticing what was going on. it must have been so hard dealing with this alone.."
"you shouldn't have to deal with it.."
"i want to. i love you. we're in this together. for as long as you'll have me. it's hard, it's really hard sometimes, because i hate seeing you like this..it makes me feel so helpless it reminds me of-- the. program. but it's worth it. for you, it's always worth it."
"hinata..."
"keep resting. don't strain yourself too much."
"i love you...i love you..i love you ..."
"i know."
going to see mikan and mikan warns them that Yes nagito is in fact pregnant and the fact that he's just come off of chemo and is still in remission is gonna make the pregnancy tough on him physically and that he's gonna get about as sick as he was before but promises it's temporary and that she guarantees he'll see the baby to full term ("link that's medically incorrect" idc link does what he wants Hajime has a dude put in his head via lobotomy science is a liar sometimes) and hajime holds nagito's hand the entire time and presses a kiss to his cheek when he cries a little when mikan says the baby will be healthy and ok and survive and nagito turns to him and gives him a watery smile before laughing and crying joyously a little more and thats when hajime knows they'll be ok.
they do talk more abt this whole thing, nagito's motives, bebi,,,,but that's like a 1k fic and this post is alr long enough 😅maybe i'll polish it and make it a fic.
long story short, hajime's personally extremely happy that nagito's pregnant, but his worry over nagito's health as a whole, physical and mental kinda trumped that but past that- it's nothing but excitement! (they did not know they were having twins...so excitement and a surprise!)
as for bebi, they were very happy to be getting a sibling! they love mimicking everyone they see by talking to their papa's tummy, touching it, generally babbling to komahina how they're gonna share their toys with the baby, will the baby play with them, can they share a room? they always want more love in their life !
#komahina#cw tokophobia#cw trans male pregnancy#im a trans guy before u come for me xoxo#danganronpa#bebi kamukura#nagito komaeda#hajime hinata#anon#asks
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impressions of six of crows
***spoiler ishh, not plot spoilers but just character interactions throughout the book***
note: I have not read shadow and bone and this is the first book i’m reading in this series so i have no prior knowledge of who these people are or what happened prior to this!!
I adore all these characters in the book! I love how seamlessly everything flowed and its glorious to read. The names were all confusing to me so I had to constantly refer back to the map and the Ice court layout to fully understand everything. I think there were points where I didn’t fully understand the impact because I didn’t read the other books. Talk of the Second army was confusing for me, but I just pushed through. I just love the dynamic of this group and I really really hope they are ok. Please don’t die. Will this author do this to my sensitive heart?? idkk??
the heist was so fun and honestly, i dont think the ice court was that well protected haha. it felt like they had so much time to do so many things but it just might be how the story is told. i love stories of trickery and heist and this one did a really good job. I love the backstories getting interwoven together and the plot twists were lovely. I was stressed for kaz though and i was nervous he will “run out of tricks” but it ended up fine. its strange because he is sooo young and hes battling these seasoned professionals and hes gotta navigate this fucked up world. they all have to navigate this fucked up world and i can’t imagine the stress of always looking behind you but also looking at the next 10 steps and then plotting additional scenarios to live. wow. anyways this i was great 10/10!!
Notable scenes include:
“Jesper!”
I’m going to kill that little idiot. “What do you want?” he shouted down.
“Close your eyes!”
“You can’t kiss me from down there, Wylan.”
I LOVE THEM ALREADY! JESPER AND WYLAN IS SO CUTE
“Pull your shirt up over your mouth,” [Jesper] told Wylan.
“What?”
“Stop being dense. You’re cuter when you’re smart.”
Wylan’s cheeks went pink. He scowled and pulled his collar up.
“Discipline. Routine. Does it mean nothing to you? Djel, I can’t wait to have a bed to myself again.”
“Right,” said Nina. “I can feel just how much you hate sleeping next to me. I feel it every morning.”
Matthais flushed bright scarlet. “Why do you have to say things like that?”
“Because I like it when you turn red.”
“It’s disgusting. You don’t need to make everything lewd.”
...
“Despite her fatigue, she trotted ahead of him. “That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t want to like a Grisha. You’re scared that if you laugh at my jokes or answer my questions, you might start thinking I’m human. Would that be so terrible?”
“I do like you.”
“What was that?”
“I do like you,” he said angrily.
She’d beamed, feeling a well of pleasure erupt through her, “Now, really, was that so bad?”
“Yes!” he roared.
“Why?”
“Because you’re horrible. You’re loud and lewd and...treacherous. Brum warned us that Grisha could be charming.”
“Oh, I see. I’m the wicked Grisha seductress. I have beguiled you with my Grisha wiles!”
She poked him in the chest.
YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I FUCKEN LOVE THESE BICKERING IDIOTS. but also nina means so much to me. its so fucken refreshing to see a character who is overweight and can carry herself with so much sass and confidence (because thats what 17 year old me would have wished to be able to channel)!! i love that shes so flirty and especially to someone as stoic as matthais is cute af!! even the author wrote about how much she loves nina: “I probably identify most with Nina. She’s spent her whole life being told she’s too big, too loud, too much--and that’s basically me. I just wish I had Nina’ confidence at seventeen.” she has the kind of sass and big dick energy that comes w having to prove yourself and being shamed and i think thats why she has a special place in my heart!! maybe i’ll go in on my love for nina in another post but ugh i love her
“When we get back to Ketterdam, I’m taking my share, and I’m leaving the Dregs.”
He looked away. “You should. You were always too good for the Barrel.”
It was time to go. “Saints’ speed, Kaz.”
Kaz snagged her wrist. “Inej.” His gloved thumb moved over her pulse, tracing the top of the feather tattoo. “If we don’t make it out, I want you to know...”
She waited.
...
She reached up and touched his cheek...this was the first time she had touched him skin to skin, without the barrier of gloves or coat or shirtsleeves. She let her hand cup his cheek. His skin was cool and damp from the rain. He stayed still but she saw a tremor pass through him as if he were waging a war with himself.
“If we don’t survive this night, I will die unafraid, Kaz. Can you say the same?”
His eyes were nearly black, the pupils dilated. She could see it took every last bit of his terrible will for him to remain still beneath her touch. And yet, he did not pull away. She knew it was the best he could offer. It was not enough.”
NO I LOVE THEM TOO! KAZ1!!! DO SOMETHING!!! BUT ALSO FUCKEN GOOD FOR YOU INEJ YOU FUCKEN KNOW WHAT YOU DESERVE AND IF HE AINT GIVING 100 U DONT WANT IT I LOVE HER TOO
Inej turned to go. Kaz seized her hand, keeping it on the railing. He didn’t look at her. “Stay,” he said, his voice rough stone. “Stay in Ketterdam. Stay with me.”
She looked down at his gloved hand clutching hers. Everything in her wanted to say yes, but she would not settle for so little, not after all she’d been through. “What would be the point?”
He took a breath. “I want you to stay. I want you to...I want you.”
“You want me.” She turned the words over. Gently, she squeezed his hand. “And how will you have me, Kaz?”
He looked at her then, eyes fierce, mouth set. It was the face he wore when he was fighting.
“How will you have me?” she repeated. “Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch?”
He released her hand, his shoulders bunching, his gaze angry and ashamed as he turned his face to the sea.
Maybe it was because his back was to her that she could finally speak the words. “I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.”
Speak, she begged silently. Give me a reason to stay. For all his selfishness and cruelty, Kaz was still the boy who had saved her. She wanted to believe he was worth saving, too.
ITERATE AGAIN, INEJ DONT WANT 90 PERCENT OR 99 PERCENT SHE WANTS 100 OR NOTHING WOW. i mean my shipping heart says NOOO buT shes right. kaz gotta figure out his shit and then share that vulnerability w her and maybe they can be truly together. UGH BUT THIS SCENE my god
Van Eck taunting Wylan and shitting on him for not being able to read was disgusting and i will fight him. I WILL PROTECT WYLAN WITH MY HEART! HES TRYING HIS BEST AND WORKING WITH WHAT HES GOT AND HE SAVED THEM ALL SO MANY TIMES. GET THIS PEDO OUT OF HERE FUCK THIS GUY
“That’s why you disappeared during the journey,” said Jesper. “You weren’t helping Matthais care for Nina. You were hiding.”
“I didn’t hide.”
“You...how many times was it you standing beside me on the deck at night when I thought it was Kuwei?”
“Every time.”
pekka rolllins. wow. what a man. i expect great things to happen between kaz and him. i truly did think kaz killed him back in the ice court lol but im glad he saw the grand plan and waited it out. hes a man of patience. i can respect that.
#amandabookthoughts#six of crows#soc#kaz#inej#wylan#jesper#nina#matthais#kaz x inej#wylan x jesper#nina x matthias#leigh bardugo#soc memes#soc review#grishaverse#grisha universe
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Bakugou x Autistic! Reader (pt.3)
This is a story I made up in my head while trying to sleep months ago, thought it’d be cool to write it down :) This will be a male reader because I feel more comfortable with it, sorry!
(Pt.1)
(Pt.2)
@plaguedoctorsnake
(I’m really bad at writing fight scenes sorry!)
Warning: Swearing, Blood, Meltdowns, Fighting And Sad?
(The reader is Aizawa’s adoptive son)
It’s been a year since Y/N “died” on live television and someone new has been seen with the league.
—————————————————————————————————
Reader’s POV
It’s been a year since it all happened
....
A year ago a part of me died.. well-
Technically not but everyone else think so
Well everyone on UA and the heroes that is, I’ve been living with the league all this time and I feel pretty happy and safe, it’s like I have a huge family.
They even helped me with my quirk, they sent me to their doctor and put me into a coma I think so that they could do something to help me control my quirk better so I won’t be afraid to use it anymore and I’ve kinda joined the league now, except I don’t exactly hurt anyone, let’s just say that I’m more here to distract the people they’re fighting.
Now you’re probably wondering what is my quirk well it’s...
Name: Energy
It’s basically telekinesis and can be used as just that but i can do a few more things then just that, I can take the energy around me and kinda explode it out of me when I’ve gotten enough, I can also take my own energy to heal people
When I use it my eyes turn white and the wind starts to move around me
Pros: kinda op, healing and moves really fast
Cons: very destructive, can’t control if used too long, passes out when the body can’t handle it anymore and may cause death
———
Today we’re going on a important mission and I’m kinda nervous because I have to use my quirk a lot more but I’ll be fine, right?
“hey Y/N! are you ready for the mission?” Toga asked as she was walking towards me with something in her hands, “Yeah I think so” i said as I stared at the ground while hitting the side of my right leg “you sure?” She said as she made me look up “Yeah I’m just stressed, what if I do something wrong and I end up hurting someone- oh no I don’t think I can do this-” I started to ramble as she took me into a tight hug and said “hey now you’ll be fine, if you feel like you don’t want to be there anymore I’ll take you right back here, okay?” she smiled “okay but what about shigaraki he said he needed my quirk for this mission” Toga hummed and said “ im sure he’ll understand, now take this we have to leave in 30 minutes” and then she left.
I stood there looking at what she gave me, a black surgical mask and my dark orange hoodie, I walked into my room and put it on as I tried to calm myself down so I wouldn’t have a meltdown,
I walked to my bed and took the photo under my pillow and my headphones as I played my comfort song and looked at the picture of bakugou as I started to think about all the times he used to hold me as I cried or couldn’t sleep, After a while I calmed down and put the stuff back and walked out to the rest of the league.
“It’s time” said Dabi as Kurogiri made black fog and we walked through.
Bakugou’s POV
Today was the big fight, the villains planned something big and we found out about it so all the heroes are going to one spot with out them knowing a thing.
Today I finally could get my revenge
I’m going to fucking kill every last one of them if I have too...
———
I can see them as they walked out of the black fog, but they didn’t look shocked that we were here waiting for them, he fucking laughed.
The fight started fast, there where villains and heroes everywhere fighting for life and death and I only had one target and if anyone is going to stop me I’d blow their fucking head off.
I ran towards a villain and slammed him to the ground and blew him up as he tried to fight back, someone tried to drag me off them as I fought anyone who tried to stand in my way.
Reader’s POV
Toga and I got on top of a building as she said “okay you know the plan” and smiled as she started to attack the heroes.
I stood up and slammed my foot down as the building split in two and the ground shot up, my eyes started to glow as I ran on top of the building’s cracking it up as me feet hit the ground,
I jumped down from it hitting the ground making it shake an crack around me, I jumped again up towards the sky as energy shot out of my body taking down the building’s around me.
I started to lose control as my body twitches and shoots out more energy making me get higher and higher up towards the sky, I could feel my nose starting to bleed as my body glowed, blinding the heroes, it starts to hurt.
Everything hurts, if feels like my head is about to explode as I scream out in pain as tears streams down my face and another energy boost shoots out of me and I finally pass out.
—
Toga’s POV
‘Holy crap Y/N’s quirk really got out off control’ I thought before I saw Y/N falling hundred of feet down unconscious and his mask is damaged letting anyone seeing his face, “DABI! CATCH Y/N!” I yelled at the top of my lungs as I try to stab the person I’m fighting.
Dabi looked towards Y/N and locked shocked as he started to run shooting fire out of his hands to boost himself forward.
Bakugou’s POV
There I saw the unknown member of the league falling from the sky..
It was Y/N..
‘How! He’s dead how is he there’ I thought as I froze in place
I saw Dabi running towards my Y/N catching him before he hit the ground, he ran off with him in his arms and I just stood there I was in shock
“My Y/N is alive” I said in a broken voice looking towards aizawa with wide eyes who clearly saw Y/N too but couldn’t move either, after a few seconds I could move again as I tried to catch up to Dabi.
Reader’s POV
I woke up to Dabi wiping my bloody nose, “what happened?” I said as he looked down at me “your quirk got out of control and you passed out” he said as he helped me sit up “if you feel any better you can go back with me but you don’t need to” he continued, “I think I feel ok, I’ll come with you” I said as I went and got a new mask and walked through the black fog again.
“you feeling alright kid?” Shigaraki asked as he saw me “Yeah” I said as I went back to distract the heroes with my quirk.
———
Toga’s hurt and someone’s trying to kill her, I ran over to them and tackled the ‘hero’ and knocked them out as I got to toga, something behind me exploded or more like someone exploded, I turned around to see what happened...
And there he was.
“Bakugou..?” I whispered with wide eyes, it seems like toga heard what I said as she pulled me away trying to calm me down.
I was shaking as tears stream down my face again “this was a bad idea- why am I here? I’m just causing trouble, I should leave” I said to toga “ hey- hey It’s okay, I’ll take you back you did a great job today” as we tried to go back as fast as possible.
We were right in front of the back fog as someone grabbed my arm and dragged me out of toga’s hands, and it all went dark again.
Toga’s POV
“I WONT LET YOU TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME AGAIN!” Yelled bakugou before he took Y/N from my hands and knocking him out, “oh but he won’t like being with you anyways, you see we’ve been saying somethings that made him unsure of you and all the ‘heros’ so if you’ll be nice and give him back I won’t make him hate you” said with venom in my voice and giggled.
But the stubborn asshat wouldn’t do as i said and tried to shoot an explosion in my face, as I dodged it I sprinted after him “HE GOT Y/N!” I yelled so the rest of the league would help, but before we could get him he was gone.
‘No! He took him, what am I going to to say to shigaraki..’ I thought as some idiot got me pinned down on the ground.
Bakugou’s POV
I held him as tight as possible because I couldn’t believe I was holding him in my arm again, I looked up towards aizawa who was sitting on a building he nodded as I went back to UA.
Time skip (The UA Dorms)
I laid Y/N down on my bed and I took of my hero outfit off and now I sat down waiting for my Y/N to wake up.
———
Time skip (again cuz I’m getting more lazy)
I was asleep when I herd a yelp of surprise, I quickly opened my eyes and there I saw him awake but he looked terrified as he hid under the covers “Y/N it’s alright, please don’t be afraid” I said in the softest voice I probably could make as I put my hand out for him
He leaped towards me into a hug as he cried “Im so sorry!” He continued to cry onto my shoulder “i didn’t want this to happen! I’ve missed you so much” he continued as I was kind of in shock again, eventually I hugged back as tight as I possibly could to let him know I wasn’t going to disappear.
I lifted him up into my bed and laid down with him holding him letting him cry against my chest as I hummed his favorite song to calm him down.
I finally have him in my arms again
I won’t let anyone take him away from me again
“i love you” I whispered to him as he was sound asleep in my arms
“i love you too” he whispered back in his sleep, as he said that a few tears of joy appeared in my eyes as I closed them an nuzzled into my boyfriend’s neck.
And then I fell asleep the happiest I’ve been in a year.
———
This is as far I went with the story in my head, I might continue later on but that might take months, now I hope you enjoyed this fanfic :D
#fanfic#fandom#mha#bnha#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha x male reader#bnha toga#bakugo#bakugou x reader#bakugou x male reader#bakugou katsuki#x male reader#x autistic reader#autistic reader#autism#actuallyautistic#soft bakugou#meltdowns#fight#autistic!reader
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im tired so I can’t think of a threat but if you read this and you’re not @angelwiththeblue-box ue-box then I’ll cut off your uvula and make you drown in your own blood
Anthony was just stepping out of the Sanctum when he got the call on his glasses. They buzzed gently against his face as his sister's name flashed right in front of his eyes, reminding him that his sister was the only person connected to his spectacles. And she only called him for one thing. "I will thank every god in the multiverse if you tell me right now that you're not in prison again," Anthony whispered with a seething rage as he answered the call, his fingers flexing on a stress ball.
Her overly long silence wasn't comforting. I'm in prison again.
Not knowing whether to scream or break things, Anthony just inhaled sharply as his stress ball popped. "Frigga, I'm about to go on a date! With Atreo! Remember, the Greek god of a man that I'm somehow dating?"
I remember.
"Is there at least not anyone there who's going to immediately kill you? Can you wait a night? Please?"
There was a huff from the other end. You're going to leave your sister in prison for a night to have sex with a mortal?
"Well he doesn't make me break him out of space prison!!" Frigga was right of course. He had to help her. And normally he didn't mind it, it was cracking codes and breaking laws, two of his favorite things, but Atreo was... hot. And Anthony was gay. It was unfair. But like the message of every single Fast and the Furious movie, family came first. "Fine. I'll help. But you owe me big time."
Okay okay, I owe you I owe you, just help me get out of here.
So with the gay side of his mind screaming at him to go hook up with a man carved out of stone, he teleported into his lab and plopped down into his swivel chair with a huff, then letting it roll him over to his main computer. "What prison are you at?" He started up the monitor and tossed his destroyed stress ball over his shoulder.
The Xandarian one.
Anthony groaned. "Again? Stop going to Xandar! They know you're a war criminal!"
It was just a little treason, don't be such a bitch.
"It's not the crimes, it's the fact that you keep going to the places where you know you'll be arrested. I'm a felon on at least 12 planets, but at least I'm smart enough to avoid them," Anthony pointed out, tapping the correct coordinates into the computer before dragging out the 3D model of the building and spinning it around in his hands. "But I guess it's better than one we've never broken out of before. Even though you'll probably be locked up twice as much and have three times as many guards making sure you don't get out. Fun. Really really fun." Anthony double tapped the side of his glasses to increase the volume on her end. "Where are you right now?"
I'm in line for my mugshot. My wrists are locked together with power dampers and there's a guard ready to taser me if I take a wrong step, but besides that I'm pretty free. So I was able to tap the piece with my shoulder and they just think I'm crazy talking to myself. Same place as last time.
The young scientist increased the size of the hologram prison until he spotted the room she was talking about and he then pulled it out before pushing it back into the computer. The camera footage from that room immediately popped up. Due to Frigga being arrested so frequently, he had already programmed the entire hologram with the codes needed to access both their camera and security system. It just made the whole process a lot simpler. "Alright I'm in." Anthony rolled forward in the chair and squinted at the monitor, increasing the picture with two outstretched fingers until he could zoom in on where his sister stood waiting for her mugshot to be taken next. "Oh my god, you put up another fight didn't you?"
...Maybe.
With a groan Anthony leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You may be powerful Frigga, but you, with your wrists and neck locked, and your powers suppressed, and four Xandarian guards surrounding you, you absolutely will not win in any situation." And it was obvious she didn't win that time either. A black ring was around her eye with blood dripping down her philtrum and her chin, as well as what appeared to be another bruise on her left cheekbone.
Says the guy with more scars to mark his battles than me.
She was right. She was. But that didn't mean he liked it. "This isn't about my problems right now, this is about yours," Anthony pointed out. "Focus on listening to directions. I don't want you to get hit again." Even though she was messing up his date, that's not how he wanted to get revenge on her. He already had a better plan that was calming his anger just from knowing they'd be even in the end.
You're not breaking me out now?
"Surrounded by guards and other unstable patients and chained up to your ass? I'm not stupid. Just trust me, I know what I'm doing."
A sigh came from her end. Fine. But I need to get a new prison breakout guy. My current one's too slow.
Anthony laughed back. If he was suffering emotionally, then she could too. It was only fair. "I'm the best in the business honey, don't underestimate me. And I don't make you pay me. Calculating the exact price of a hacker-if we ignore the fact that they would have to be available for you at any time since you get arrested way more than the average person-with the amount of times I've helped you out, including now, that adds up to about... $14,191. And we're poor."
Fuck you.
"Fuck you too, I'm out of fourteen hundred dollars and a date. Now just pretend to be obedient for the next 20 minutes and I'll get you out."
I still hate you.
"I hate you too."
The siblings fell into silence as Frigga's arm was grabbed and she was then pushed onto the platform, right in front of the electronic height measurer that all mugshots had for some reason. In her flat shoes she rose up to the marking of 6' 1". Which did annoy Anthony a bit, as he sort of received the short end of the stick when it came to tall genetics, but he swallowed his jealousy and listened to what the officers had to say while she was scanned and her pictures were taken. ACAB might be true, but they did have some pretty interesting banter.
She's back again? one guard, who Anthony nicknamed 'Terry' on the spot, commented with a hint of sarcasm.
Yep, the other guard, nicknamed 'Jake', responded with a small *pop* on the 'p'. The bounty's big on her, I'm surprised she wasn't handed over sooner.
Well she's escaped out of here thrice, so she's obviously got some tricks up her sleeves.
Jake let out a low whistle. Three times? That's gotta be a record.
It is. She just... slips through our fingers every single time. I don't know how she does it. Maybe with an accomplice or something, something that our camera's can't detect, maybe a brother or a parent or a friend, but there's no way they'll get through this a fourth time.
The two space cops laughed and assumedly bumped their fists together based on the small popping noise that came from the other end. Anthony only smirked and then tuned out their annoying voices when it moved to annoying prison stuff to then jot down the information typed out on the wall where she stood, describing her ethnicity, criminal background (there was a lot of that), special powers, descriptive marks, etc etc. He didn't look up when she was told to turn to her side.
You're paying attention, right? I can hear you writing something, Frigga suddenly interrupted.
"I have to record all the information they have on you to figure out if it can possibly be exploited. I'm organized Frigga, and anything can be important."
Frigga just groaned. Just get me out.
"Patience... is a virtue."
Patience can kiss my ass.
"You can kiss your ass goodbye if you don't shut up and follow the guards; I can see them looking at you." Although it was mostly to shut her up, he technically was telling the truth, as one of the guards broke out from the group to grab Frigga's bicep and pull her away from the mugshot space. Normal prisoners moved on their own with guards nearby, but three time escapists were snatched and moved on their own. Which Frigga wasn't used to, nor did she like. If Anthony wasn't there to bargain with her for her peace she definitely would have put up another fight and made practically everything ten times harder for herself. "I'll lead your escape plan in the direction of killing that guard," he offered as a reward if she stayed calm. A pretty useful tactic that both of them used on each other whenever something that they weren't good at was involved and needed to be done.
And it worked as usual. Frigga just huffed and pushed her shoulders back in order to hold her head high as she was walked toward where she would be temporarily staying, knowing she'd get to slaughter the person manhandling her in the end. Anthony followed them through the different rooms along the different security cameras.
More and more shackles were added as they went. A muzzle slapped on that thankfully still let her speak, new and bigger handcuffs, legs chained together to be dragged along the floor, and a full on torso restraint, all with Frigga looking more and more annoyed. It was actually pretty funny. Not that Anthony would say that aloud since he knew she'd just get (rightfully) mad. Although he had clicked record a minute prior and planned to laugh his ass off in front of her later. Once no one's life (but his) was in danger.
Eventually there were enough chains on her and she had reached her single containment facility, so while one guard lifted her up from the ground, the other opened the door for her to be thrown inside like a sack of potatoes before they then slammed it shut. At that Anthony had to laugh audibly at.
Oh fuck off.
"You didn't- they just- they just fucking threw you-" Anthony struggled out, wheezing through the words due to how hard he was laughing. It was so fucking funny. "You should have seen yourselffff."
Get me out of prison quicker so I can kill you quicker.
Anthony had to take another minute or two to stop laughing before he could actually get to work. "Alright, could you describe your surroundings? I have no quick way of getting in there."
Fine. I'm in a small, most likely vibranium room, about four feet by ten feet by... 12 feet. There are some sort of magnets in the back that connect to the chains' padlocks, so as soon as I was tossed in they snapped together, so now I'm hung up kinda like Jesus Christ on the cross. The room besides the door is bare.
"Any cracks above or below the door?"
Not a thing. They really don't want me to get out of here.
"But you will. Could you describe your chains to me? I didn't get a good look when I was watching you before."
The links are about three inches across, the metal an inch thick, and the cuffs are as heavy as Jeff, being almost four inches up and one and a half inches thick. They cover most of my forearms. The color is... a dark gray with a little hint of navy blue. Uh, I should paint this scene. I think I could really piss some Christians off with it because no joke, I'm exactly positioned like Jesus was in the El Greco pai-
Silence followed for a few seconds. Anthony was planning on telling her to focus once her sentence was done and comment on her mention of Jeff, their childhood 15 pound cat, but the end of it never came. So he just zoomed in on the door and increased the volume on her side once more. "Frigga? Come in Frigga."
There wasn't even silence on the other end. Static started to come through. "What the-" Anthony's work didn't produce static. His inventions and creations didn't create static. Ever. "Frigga tell me this is a joke, what's going on?" There had been no movement at the door, and as he was forced to take Frigga's word about the room's layout, there was no other entrance to it. "Frigga. Come on."
The only reason he was snapped out of the repeated cycle of him adjusting his glasses and repeating his sister's name was because his other senses perked up and he caught the feeling of a presence behind him. A certainly unfamiliar one. But before he could even turn or react, he was snatched from behind and his whole world went black.
~~
Frigga was being manhandled again when she woke up. "Ugh, did you dickheads knock me out again?" she hissed as she twisted in her shackles, surprised to be out of her personal prison with no warning, but still angered. "I was thinking about painting, asshole." She was struck in the face (as expected) for her rudeness. At least Anthony didn't scold her for it. Could you do your best to not piss everyone off while you're vulnerable? That would be great, is what he always said. As your doctor I have to tell you that it's a stupid ass thing to do. But he said nothing.
In fact there was no sound at all from Anthony. Not even breathing. Just static...
Wait. "What's your name?" the guard holding her up by her biceps demanded before she could properly think about where her brother was. "Who are you?"
"Who am I? You guys have arrested me four times! In fact I should be asking you that, are you a new hire or something? I didn't see you the last time I was here."
The guard brought his arm back to hit her again, but that time the other one stopped him. "Her sleeve is torn. She's telling the truth; she has been arrested multiple times."
"Then explain why she isn't in the system!"
"I can't. But she's not lying, so you shouldn't hit her. Let's just bring her to the mugshot area, get a photo, and then put her in the hardcore containment facility so we can figure this stuff out on our own," he bargained with the more unstable guard.
The guard did agree after a bit more negotiating, and soon enough Frigga was brought back to the mugshot area and positioned on it. It didn't look like the same one she was in just minutes earlier. Well, it looked... similar? Yet... outdated. Like the old system they used to use. She didn't say anything aloud, as she knew that would just get her hit again, but she tried to imprint the oddities in her mind as best she could. Dammit why did Anthony get Dad's photographic memory?! she mentally hissed as details vanished from her brain almost seconds after. Why do I have to be forgetful?
"Turn."
"Yeah yeah, I know I know," Frigga grumbled, reluctantly doing as told and then eyeing the information they were presenting about her on the screen. Some of it was from the identifying marks and tears on her clothing, like her escapist status and such, but most of it had come from the special type of scanner that The Kyln owned that could identify everything from hidden objects on the body down to a being's DNA. Hers was correctly listed as 50% Terran, 50% Jotunn. Her ear piece wasn't recognized just like Anthony had designed. But, in an odd turn of events, none of her powers were listed as they usually were. Not one.
After the scan was done, leaving both the guards and the young demi-god with more questions than answers, Frigga was grabbed by the bicep and led over to a containment facility. Not her usual single one, but a seemingly group one with approximately 13 more people inside. Only a few had handcuffs. And no chains were added to her, leaving her completely open spare her wrists, which was a ridiculous oversight on their part. (There had been a lot of weird oversights on their part by then.) At least it would be an easy break out. "Anthony, are you there?"
No answer.
Frigga bent her arms and reached over to press into the ear piece in case it accidentally got turned off when she was passed out. She said her brother's name again, ignoring the looks she got from other hardened criminals inside. "If you're fucking with me you are so dead when I get home."
"Hey crazy, stop talking to yourself, some of us are trying to nap here."
The familiar voice made Frigga stop in her action and turn toward it. "Rocket?" The other guardians also laying down looked up at the call of his name. "What- what are you all doing here? You're supposed to be in New Asgard."
They all looked extremely confused. "What? Look, lady, I don't know who the hell you are or what New Asgard is," Rocket continued, reluctantly pushing up to his paws and rubbing out the flat spot in his fur, "so I guess I'd prefer for you to talk to 'Anthony' because what you're doing now is creeping me out even more."
"Okay- no. I'm not the crazy one here. Everyone and everything has been weird, and now you guys too? Come on, this isn't fair."
"Hey, isn't New Asgard that place where Thor was living before he joined us?" Quill questioned as he too sat up.
Rocket only groaned. "Great, let's get more people in on this conversation. Peter, please don't enable her, she's obviously lost her head."
"What do you mean she lost her head, her head's right there on her shoulders!" Drax chimed in, getting up and gently shaking her back and forth with a grip on her shoulder to show that her head was really on there.
Frigga was used to Drax's typical maneuvering and his deafness to sarcasm, so him moving her back and forth was the least of her worries at that point. It was the others. "Mantis, come on, you remember me, right?" Frigga said in exasperation, being the only one in the room who was completely lost making her a bit worked up. Especially since she didn't have Anthony in her ear. He was always with her when she was arrested; in one way or another.
Mantis seemed to sense this and walked over to press her open palm to her revealed bicep. "You feel... desperate."
"Well I am desperate because I'm the only sane one here but you're all looking at me as if I'm the crazy one. Rocket, Quill, Drax, Mantis... Groot! Come on, you all know me," she went on, just waiting and practically praying that one of them would grin and tell her it was just a stupid joke. But that didn't happen. In fact the only change in their expressions was Groot looking up and murmuring something about it being too loud for him to play his game. "Oh come on!" With a huff she plopped down on the floor and rested her head against the wall's cool steel, bending her elbows again to cover her eyes with her hands and hoping that it would all just disappear. But, as one might guess, that didn't happen, and in fact she felt someone move over and sit next to her. Most likely out of pity.
It was Quill, of course. "What's your name?"
Maybe they were hit with some memory loss thing. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation. So Frigga opened her eyes and turned her head toward him. "Frigga."
His eyes widened a bit and Frigga got a little too excited. "Do you finally recognize me?"
"No- sorry, but that's just this- guy that I know's mother's name. Frigga," he gently explained with a slight blush and a nervous scratch at the back of his head.
The movements were a little confusing at first, but then Frigga realized that they were coming from the mention of Thor, and didn't have to do with her at all. But why would he act like that? Thor and he had been dating for decades. Since before she and her brother were born. She and baby Anthony were at their wedding. He was in a little blue tux and she in a little green dre- wait a fucking second. "Quill... What year is it?"
"What do you mean? It's 2024. What else would it be?"
Frigga gasped and jumped to her feet. It all clicked at once. Why the guards didn't know her. Why all the technology and architecture seemed older and outdated. Why her own uncle and the guardians didn't recognize her. She hadn't even been born yet. But the only question still there was... how? And also, why? But in order to have a prayer at answering those questions, she had to get back to Earth where she knew the Avengers as well as her parents would be. Although they technically weren't her parents yet. God are they even dating yet? It didn't matter. She just needed to get there and hope that Anthony was there too. The only problem (besides every other problem that she had) was that she had never escaped a prison without him before. They could only do it with each other. It seemed like a major roadblock... until she glanced over at the raccoon.
"Hey, Rocket, could you remind me again of how many prison's you've broken out of?"
Rocket, who had clearly been trying to ignore them but was just accepting his fate as his name was called once more, turned toward them with crossed arms. "About 24. What's it to ya?"
A small smile spread over Frigga's face. "And how many times out of here?"
"Just the one."
"Great. If you bring me to Earth, I'll help you get out."
He scoffed as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "And why would I need your help out of here?"
"Because I've escaped here three times myself. And, you don't have Gamora, nor is Groot an adult as he was last time. Earth isn't even that far from here, just a few jumps, so why not pad your escape with me- a demi-god by the way -and just take me there in return?" she bargained, getting more and more calm and excited as her thoughts clicked together. Sure, everything was still weird, but at least she was able to get a grip on her situation.
Based on his extremely annoyed expression, Rocket knew that she was right and that they could use the help, yet was extremely reluctant to admit it. "Demi-god? We already got a half celestial, I don't think we need any more half- things," he tried to point out.
But Quill was on her side. "No, no, I think we should hear her out. Especially since I don't even have the powers of a half celestial anymore. If she's escaped from here three times then she could really be a big help for us. They've changed a lot of things since we were last here, and we're in a new area. And, although I'm not sure how she knows about Gamora and Groot, she's right about that too."
Rocket snarled as Frigga smirked and raised her arms up at him in a shrug. "The man's got a point."
"That man is also an idiot. But fine. You can join us, and we'll bring you to Earth."
Frigga grinned wider as Rocket moved closer and removed what seemed to be some sort of bobby pin from the back of his head, making her cuffs fall off in under a minute. She rubbed her sore wrists and thanked him. "We should probably pick up Thor from Earth anywhere, I'm pretty sure he's still there with the Avengers," Quill pointed out as he joined them and glanced at the red rings on her skin. "Why were those so tight?"
"Well, due to my powers they need to restrict me so I don't just slaughter them all and escape like that, and they usually do that with overly tight power dampers," she explained to him as she continued to try to get the blood flowing normally back into her hands. "You get used to it. Especially since they get steadily tighter and tighter due to the guards' fear in me increasing every time. I killed a bunch last time so the chains applied doubled. Until I woke up in 2024 of course, but I'm ignoring that for now."
Quill very obviously had no idea what she was talking about, but as he wasn't one to judge with making sense he just smiled at her. "Good, you can do it again."
"After this stunt? Fuck yeah I'm going it again."
<finish prison scene and go to anthony>
Stephen had no idea why he was being called to Avengers Tower. Except for the occasional meeting that he was forced to attend that he usually managed to escape early from, he had never been asked to go to their living and working quarters. So he couldn't imagine what the problem was. "What's the situation and how can I get out of it quicker?" was the first thing that fell out of his mouth once he stepped out of the portal. He was met with the stares of all six Avengers and Loki. Great. "What the hell happened?"
"We found a kid."
Definitely not what Stephen expected Tony to say. "What?!"
"Okay that was a shitty explanation. Just look." The group parted to reveal a body rested on their couch with handcuffs around his unconscious wrists. The only indicator that he was alive was the small rise and fall of his chest. He looked young, easily 18, with dark brown hair that slightly fell over his forehead, and glasses over eyes of a hidden color. Stephen noticed most of all was that he had two thick scars on the dorsal side of his hands; one for each. "We found him in our meeting room. There's no identifying items on him, and his fingerprints aren't in the database, so we have basically no idea who he is."
"So what can I do?" Stephen questioned.
"Ask Loki. He's the one who requested you."
Only then did Stephen look up to lock eyes with his fellow sorcerer. One that he had never really gotten along with. "You?"
"To be fair I didn't request you, I just said it would be useful to have another magic user here. John Doe here has magic practically radiating off of him," Loki tried to explain without making it seem like he wanted Stephen there, hints of forced annoyance and real nervousness leaking through. The 'John Doe' reference was imprinted in the sorcerer supreme's mind without a clear reason. Since when does he know Midgardian terms? "Can't you sense it?"
Stephen could. There was a large amount of power coming from him. "It's a multitude of different types. I can't even distinguish them; they're all so mixed up."
Loki agreed. "I was planning on picking through his memories, but due to the mixture of magic and power, I thought it'd be more safe if I waited for you to hold him down if anything goes wrong." An uncomfortable amount of silence passed between the two, unknown whether to continue genuinely or be sarcastic and snarky. "Not that I think you're capable of it, but you're sort of better than nothing."
There it was. The Avengers looked around at each other as they were described as 'nothing', the sorcerers forgetting about anything that wasn't the other, as usual. "You're very kind, Loki," Stephen drawled out with a sarcastic smile.
"I am, aren't I?" With that he jumped over the couch and kneeled down next to the body, gingerly going to place his fingers on his forehead.
But just as they brushed his skin the entire tower shook lightly and made everyone look up. FRIDAY spoke up to fill them in. The Guardians have arrived, sir. And they have a guest on board.
"Well that was quick," Thor murmured under his breath. "They're getting better at escaping."
"Were they in prison again?" Bruce questioned.
Thor nodded back. "I'll go greet them, you guys stay here and figure out his identity." With a small wave the god of thunder then left the room, and all other attendants watched until he left the room and then they all turned back toward the boy on the couch. Except- oh. Fuck.
"Where did he go?" Loki whispered.
"I'm right here."
The entire group swiveled to see the boy formerly laying on the couch sitting in a chair behind them all, his legs and arms crossed tightly, handcuffs done, and a stern expression on his face. "And I'd like to know what the hell is going on."
"You're the one who somehow got into our tower, why don't you explain it to us?" Clint shot back.
The boy only looked at him with a face void of all amusement. And with eyes that were a colored a blood red.
#sorry i keep bothering you with stories i feel like this thing is one sided where i keep asking you for favors and im really sorry about tha#that#hope you like it thou
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