#ill never relive the high this gave me
Text
a glimpse | s.h.
pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader
type: angst
requested: yup
summary: you did everything to make him yours but his thoughts are still full of her. you ask him a simple question and the answer leaves you shattered.
warnings: mention of sexual interactions-nothing too bad, alcohol consumption, surprisingly no swear words, bad writing
a/n: sorry for being inactive guys, uni just started and im already exhausted. ill post some stuff sometimes when ill have time and motivation to write smth (and when my writers block is not floating around my brain), sorry that this one is short<3
word count: bit over 1k
You bought him flowers, but the only shade he saw in the bouquet was the color of her eyes. The sweater you wore to meet his parents made him remember the afternoon when he was with her baking a carrot cake for his mom’s birthday. The way you made your notes and explained difficult topics to him brought him back to sitting next to her in school and exchanging shy glances and smiles. When you were touching him, he would imagine it was her. He felt guilty, he really did, but she was his first love and losing her was not something he could move on from so quickly.
The worst thing was that you saw it all. His eyes would speak for himself and although you couldn’t see what memories were coming back to him, you knew who was the main character in them.
‚Is everything okay?’ You’d ask softly each time.
‚Of course.’ He would just shake off the feeling and smile at you like nothing had happened.
It wasn’t easy, being his second choice and always overthinking. It was making you miserable and tired. You wished so bad to be his first, but it was too late, it was her. So you tried everything to make him fall in love with you more, because sometimes it didn’t even feel like he loved you at all. You tried to take him on dates you knew she didn’t take him on, you held his hand in public and squeezed it tightly, you visited him at work and made him all kinds of cakes and cookies he loved, and for a while it was working. He spent more time with you in the present moment instead of daydreaming and reliving his memories. He stopped imagining her in your place and the memories started fading away. Of course it didn’t last long enough, it ended when he saw a glimpse of her at a party you both went to.
‚I’ll be right back.’ He mumbled and without even looking at you he disappeared in the crowd.
Tears started welling up in your eyes and you quickly wiped them away with your hand. All of this for what? He would never love you in the same way he loved her.
You walked into the kitchen and scooped a bottle of some cheap alcohol. With the whole bottle in your hands you exited the noisy and loud environment of the house. You took a seat on the porch, rough wood was scratching the exposed skin under your dress and the coldness of it made you shiver. You opened the bottle and took a few sips, the alcohol was burning your throat and the gloomy weather somehow made it kick in ten times harder. Minutes passed and you were losing yourself in the drink until you finally felt it. The numbness. You didn’t want to get drunk, you just wanted your thoughts and feelings to finally be quiet.
The door behind you creaked, ‚There you are! We’ve been looking for you everywhere!’.
‚We?’ You turned your head to look into Steve’s eyes. ‚Meaning you and Nancy?’
‚Yeah. Is something wrong?’
You chuckled, ‚Everything is wrong, Steve.’
His face was painted with confusion, he closed the door and carefully took a seat next to you.
‚Are you drunk?’
‚No.’ He pursed his lips and nodded at your answer.
For a while you were sitting in silence and it was you who decided to break it, ‚Where is she then?’
‚Nancy? Inside with our friends from high school.’
‚Right.’ You gave a long nod and then brought your knees up to rest your chin on them.
‚Aren’t you cold?’ He asked, he could offer you his jacket instead but it was somehow gone.
‚No, the alcohol is keeping me warm.’ You shrugged and took another small sip.
‚I feel like there is something you’re not telling me.’
You placed your cheek on your knees to look at him and sighed, ‚I don’t want to lose you.’
‚Hey, hey, why are you saying this? You’re not gonna lose me.’ He put a loose strand of your hair behind your ear and carressed your cheek with his thimb.
You sat up and covered both of his hands with yours, ‚I already did. We both know you’re not mine and you never were.’
‚What are you talking about?’
‚Do you still love her?’
‚No. I don’t.’ He replied, but you saw how his eyes avoided yours when he gave that answer.
‚Steve, I don’t want to be the only one in this relationship, you have to be in it as well and it seems like you can’t, because she’s always on your mind.’
‚You’re delusional. I am in this relationship just as much as you are.’
‚Yeah?’ You raised an eyebrow. ‚Then when was the last time you bought me flowers?’
Silence.
‚Or the last time you took me on a date?’
Silence.
‚Or the last time you made me feel good?’
Silence.
You felt the stinging in your eyes and your nose becoming swollen, ‚I bought you flowers last Saturday. I took you out on a date three days ago to see a movie. I gave you head twice this week. So Steve, if you want to repeat that you are in this as much as me, please do.’ A soft, tired laugh escaped your lips.
He looked down at his shoes, eyes still avoiding yours.
‚Me or her, Steve?’
‚What?’ He finally met your gaze.
‚Just choose.’ You swallowed a big lump in your throat when you saw him look away. ‚Steve. Choose.’
He opened his mouth and hesitated for a moment, ‚Her.’
Every last drop of hope inside of you that wished he would choose you had evaporated into nothing. A sob tried to escape your mouth but you managed to stay calm. You stood up and walked away, he didn’t even try to catch up to you or talk to you again. There was a new feeling in your chest that had replaced the numbness. You couldn’t name it, it just felt like something inside you broke into thousand pieces, got run over and lit on fire. It died.
taglist: @imleavingtonightt @r93339 @stvrdustalexx @cursedandromedablack @ccosmic-illusion @onecrazydirectioner @luvwanda @tomskookie @justice4lils @heizenka @wolfstarsimpxx @miss-bloodbath @criesinlies @screambih @freeshavocadoooo @evahpmcu @lyntic @naturalswifty89 @hawkins-hs @bvmbshell @alainabooks143 @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @phantomxoxo @stilesks @ilovedilfs32 @squidwardsluverxx @kaitlin-r130 @greengarsstuff @axen-gers @hcloangcls @carpediem-spero @088i880
#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington x you#steve harrington angst#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x fem!reader#stranger things angst#stranger things 4#joe kerry
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Munson's Mixtape
Masterlist
Pairing: Eddie Munson x Cunningham!Reader
Word Count: 2,643
Warnings: Brief vomiting (not ED related), ED mention, Shitty parenting (Mrs. Cunningham should be a warning herself at this point).
Summary: Chrissy has been acting weird, and like a good big sister Y/N drives to Hawkins from Notre Dame to check in on her. Only to find out she has plans to meet up with Eddie Munson. Things take a turn for the worse and now Y/N gets wrapped in to the horrors of Hawkins. Hey, at least she has the company of the guitarist she was sweet on back in high school for comfort.
Author’s Note: If the line about Black Sabbath sounds like I was projecting about my opinions of the Duffer Brothers writing for Volume 2, it's because I was. Also who do you think is going to confess first? I'd love to know your thoughts! Anyways, enjoy!
Track Seven
Chrissy always used to tell Y/N to always look for the silver lining. That just because something might be going wrong in life, doesn't mean it will always be that way. She said storms always lead to rainbows, and you should do everything you can to find that somewhere over the rainbow. Y/N was struggling with that now, finding that rainbow in the dark.
She had to go through every detail of what happened the night before, tell Dustin and his friends how Chrissy died. She was crying as she spoke, having to relive the nightmare. Eddie never let go of her hand. He spoke for her when she couldn't take it any more, vicious sobs racking her body. He didn't think they would believe them, who would believe a story like that? But they did, and they shared a story of their own, something far worse than Y/N and Eddie could ever imagine.
They told them the truth about Hawkins, or rather what was beneath Hawkins. They called it the Upside Down. A parallel universe that looked like the Hawkins they knew, but it was ruinous, sinister, and filled with monsters. That's where Vecna lived, the being that killed Chrissy. Eddie and Dustin explained how he must be some sort of dark spell caster, and through some wicked invisible force he was able to kill Chrissy. Y/N was sick to her stomach. The nausea threatening to spill over. This was too much. Everything was too much.
"I think I'm going to be sick." Y/N put a hand over her mouth and ran over towards a bucket that was next to the boat. The bile was rising in her throat, she could taste it on her tongue. Sweat was dripping down her neck, tears running down her cheeks. Until suddenly she heaved over the bucket, and emptied out the contents of her stomach.
"Shh, Shh, it's okay sweetheart. You're going to be okay." Eddie was rubbing circles on her back, comforting her as she threw up into the bucket. She felt embarrassed, getting sick in front of everyone. Shame followed quickly after that, when she realized that she felt relief once her stomach was empty.
Y/N thought she was passed this, she had gotten better. It took over two years, but she managed to recover. To get over the illness her mother instilled in her and Chrissy. It was the same between the two sisters, the bulimia. Mother would constantly talk about their weight, how they were getting bigger, that they were fat. She said it like was the worst thing that could happen to her daughters, getting fat, as if that matters. Y/N hated the idea of a relapse. She couldn't hide that from Eddie.
It was fine. She didn't make herself throw up, it was natural. She was fine. Everything was fine.
"Do any of you guys have water or something?" Eddie asked the group, hand still rubbing circles on her back. The dry heaving was almost done, nausea slowly ebbing away. Someone handed Eddie a bottle of water, and he gave it to her.
"Small sips, any more and you'll just puke this up too." She knew. None of this was new to her, but she was grateful for it anyway.
"I'm okay. Just give me a minute, I'll be fine." She drank the water in slow small sips as instructed, and Eddie stayed with her next to the puke bucket. It smelled disgusting, almost made her vomit again, but he didn't seem to care.
"Alright Princess, just take your time. We're in no rush here." Eddie wrapped his arm around her, so she could lean against him, rest her head on his shoulder. She didn't know how true that statement was, but it was nice to hear. The silence between the two of them was comfortable, until they remembered they weren't the only ones in the room.
"Eddie! You didn't tell me Y/N Cunningham was your girlfriend!" Both Y/N and Eddie whipped their heads over to Dustin, a big toothy grin on his face. Eddie removed the arm from her shoulder, as if her skin burned him.
“Nah man you got it all wrong, Y/N isn’t my girlfriend.” She looked down at her water bottle, Y/N didn’t want to see the look on Eddie’s face. It stung, how quickly he said it, like it was unimaginable.
“But you just had your arm around her? Calling her sweetheart and princess? I've never heard you call anyone that before. Dude, she came to Hellfire! You talk about-”
“Enough Henderson.” Eddie snapped. He was embarrassed, Y/N didn't need to hear about his pathetic crush on her. She was sick, grieving and in pain. Eddie moved over a couple of inches, giving her some space. Y/N hated the distance.
Dustin saw the looks on both of their faces, and it didn't seem right. The awkward grimace, they looked so comfortable with each other before. The kind of ease people who love each other have. Eddie had mentioned Y/N before, multiple times. Then there was the painting he did of her.
There was this art project Eddie had to do, something with water colors. He went to Dustin because he knew that he wouldn't give him shit for it, and asked for his opinion before Hellfire started. He did a mock up in his journal, an elf girl in a navy blue dress. Dustin saw that Eddie had an old year book open for reference, it was from his first run as a senior. It was open to Y/N Cunningham's senior page. She had her school photo in the center, alongside some pictures from cheerleading. One photo in the corner was her sitting on the bleachers, The Brothers Karamazov open in her hands. Dustin asked if the elf girl was supposed to be Y/N, but Eddie just got red in the face before he slammed the yearbook shut.
"If you tell anyone about this you're done Henderson." Dustin kept his mouth shut, even without the threat of Eddie's wrath he wouldn't have said anything. He knew what it was like to love someone who lived far away, he loved Susie so much and wished he could drive to Utah to see her. His mom said no, but Dustin knew that the day he got his license he'd make a plan to see her. He didn't understand why Eddie didn't do that, drive out to Y/N to see her. She didn't live that far away, and Eddie had a car. Now he understands why. He never told her how he felt about her. Eddie didn't submit that painting for his project, did some dragon instead. It was nice, but not as nice as the one he made of Y/N.
"So what are we supposed to do now?" Y/N asked. Dustin and his friends all looked at each other, clearly not thinking that far ahead.
"I think you guys should just stay here for now. We can do a supply run in the morning and bring it to the boathouse. Try to stay out of the main house as much as you can, it's less conspicuous that way." Dustin replied, it was the most they could do at the moment. Eleven wasn't with them anymore, and even if she was her powers were gone. They'd have to figure this out on their own.
"Yea what Dustin said." Robin agreed. Eddie and Y/N nodded, and the rest of the crew began to head out of the boat house, with their promise to return.
"Wait!" Y/N and ran over to Eddie's duffle bag. She unzipped it and began to rustle through its contents. Once she found what she was looking for, she walked over to the group and handed over a pair of keys to Steve.
"These are my car keys, if it's at all possible can you go inside my car and grab the cassette tape that's inside the radio? The case should be in the glove compartment with my walkman. It's really special to me and I'd like it back." Steve looked confused, but nodded at her request.
"What kind of car is it?"
"it's a 1981 Black Buick Regal, license plate 4ST86E1. It's closer to the entrance of Forrest Hills." Steve nodded and pocketed the keys. The group said their goodbyes and walked out the door. Y/N watched the backlights of Steve's car slowly fade away, leaving her alone with Eddie once again.
Eddie was quiet, he hadn't moved from his spot next to Y/N's puke bucket. She would need to take care of that soon, before the smell began to spread. She didn't want to be close to him though, he was clearly uncomfortable with the proximity before. Y/N wished Dustin has kept his mouth shut. The awkwardness was back in full force. It was fine, she would just set up her hammock and go to bed. Maybe it would all blow over in the morning and they could pretend what Dustin said didn't happen.
"What cassette tape is it?" Eddie asked, it was barely above a whisper. Y/N stopped what she was doing. Out of all of the things she expected Eddie to say it wasn't that.
Y/N had two options: 1. Lie and say it's some random album, or 2. Tell him the truth. That she kept the mixtape he made her. That it was important to her. She knew the silence was dragging on for too long, but she couldn't find herself willing to lie to him. So she went with option 2.
"It's the mixtape you made me... the graduation present, remember?" Eddie couldn't believe she kept it. That she actually listened to it, and listened to it often. She said it was special to her. Something Eddie had made for her was special.
"You actually kept that?" Y/N turned to face him then, he looked genuinely surprised.
"Yea, you made it for me." She says as if it's common sense. Like that statement alone didn't completely rock Eddie's world.
"Yea, kind of the reason why I figured you'd toss it." He didn't mean to sound so pathetic, but that seems to be who he is now. Pathetic.
Y/N sighed and walked over to Eddie then, she tossed the mess inside the bucket into the water, filled it up and dumped it out again. Then she sat next to Eddie, a significant gap between them.
"That mixtape is my favorite, I listen to it all of the time. Every car ride, when I'm getting ready, walking around campus, it's always on me. You made it for me, and it was the first time someone actually made an effort to make a gift to give me. Well, someone who wasn't Chrissy. My parents sure as hell didn't, and none of my friends or ex-boyfriends did either. I like personal gifts, and this one was very personal. You paid attention to things I said, things I liked, and you added a part of yourself too. So yea, it's special to me."
Eddie wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her so badly, he thought that if he didn't it might actually kill him. It sounded so close to a confession, so close to what he dreamed about when he thought of what would happen if she did confess. But there was just no way. There was no possible way Y/N Cunningham felt the same way about him. If she did, why didn't she call him? She had his number. Whenever he saw her in town, she never came up to him, said hi, or asked how he was doing. Tell him that she thought of him. She was in the woods when he told Chrissy about the mixtape, when he said it was for a girl he was sweet on. She must have figured it out that he was talking about her, but she didn't comment on it. Eddie wasn't going to comment on it either. So he did what he was apparently known for now, he ran away.
"I didn't think you'd like it so much, but I'm glad I was the one to expand your musical horizons Princess. Now tell me, I'm dying to know. Which song was your favorite? And please don't tell me it was Uptown Girl, you might actually break my heart." He was lying out of his ass. He picked that song because every goddamn time he heard it on the radio he imagined it was them. That they were the couple old Billy Boy was singing about. A guy from the wrong side of the tracks, poor and not good enough for the girl he loves. The waiting lady, pretty and well off, taking a chance on him. Pathetic, truly.
"No, it's not Uptown Girl. Although I do love that song." Y/N laughed, angelic and full, and shook her head.
"To be honest, I don't know if I could pick a favorite. There were so many good songs on there. You Really Got Me is fantastic. Eddie Van Halen is probably like, the best guitar player of all time."
"I don't know, not to boost my own ego or anything, but I think I could beat him" Eddie didn't have much to brag about, but one thing he was good at was playing the guitar.
"Oh yea, battle of the Eddies. I'd love to see that." Y/N laughed again, Eddie moved a bit closer to her, trying to close the distance.
"Ha, me too. Could have you cheer me on during the most epic guitar solo of my life. But um, what else did you think?" Y/N thought about it for a moment, watching Eddie shred on the guitar. She saw the Corroded Coffin performance back in middle school, he was really talented back then. He must have only gotten better over time, she hoped she got to see him play again one day.
"Iron Man was amazing too. Black Sabbath has Ozzy Osbourne so that's a bonus, I love the sound of his voice. The lyrics tell such an interesting story. A fallen hero who was left alone and half dead, and the people he saved turning their backs on him? It gave me goosebumps." Y/N wasn't the only one with goosebumps.
"Overall though, if I had to pick a favorite. It would have to be For Whom The Bell Tolls. The guitar, the bells, the lyrics, everything about it. Metallica is awesome, my new favorite band for sure. Have you listened to Master of Puppets yet? It's incredible!" Has he listened to Master of Puppets, Jesus. It's not like he's spent the last 2.5 weeks teaching himself how to play it for nothing.
Eddie's idea of Y/N shifted then. He always viewed her as someone so far away from him. Pretty, popular, and preppy. Over the past 48 hours, he realized there was a side to Y/N that he never knew. He felt guilty then. He always hated how people placed a certain reputation on him. How they had an image of who he was and didn't look past it. He was the white trash trailer park freak, who probably worshipped the devil in his spare time. Eddie wasn't like that, and anybody who knew him would agree, but he did the same thing to her. He had this image of who she was in his head, but there was more to her than that. Yes, she was a pretty popular cheerleader, but she also liked Star Wars. She played DnD and apparently likes the same music he does. He should have realized it sooner, she used to read Russian literature for Christ's sake.
Eddie fell in love with just a fraction of who Y/N Cunningham was, and God help him, he was falling for the rest of her too.
Taglist:
@imchangkyunned , @creativedogs , @nightless , @kik51199 , @thecraziestcrayon , @dabzzallday420 , @science--hoes ,
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x cunningham!reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson fanfic#stranger things#stranger things s4#stranger things fanficton#stranger things fanfic#stranger things eddie munson#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson angst
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For the blurb emoji:
Spencer and Female Reader
👥. Friends to lovers
🎞 Missing Scene from S14 Episode 9 ‘Broken Wing’( episode where we find out Tara’s ex husband was a drug addict) The scene I would like is one where Spencer and Tara talk about shared experiences. Reader is there afterwards.
(Optional: 🥼 Tara Lewis as teammate/confidant)
Thank you!
This was such an interesting one! You have such great ideas and I love making them come to life. Hope this was the kind of thing you were after.
Send me emojis for my milestone celebration and I’ll write you a blurb.
Summary - Spencer tries to help Tara see the impact she had on her ex husband without realising by reliving his relationship with you.
CW - drug use and drug addiction, recovering, mild swearing, angst with happy ending.
WC - 1.4K
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Broken Wing
Not my gif
Spencer wasn’t the least bit surprised to find Tara alone in Morgan’s old office upon arriving home from their latest case.
It had been a rough one for her, dragging up so many well buried memories she’d disguised from the team for three years.
He didn’t blame her at all for keeping this particular facet of her life a secret. Spencer knew all too well how to keep them from the people he loved the most.
He considered leaving her, the last thing she probably needed right now was company. But Spencer knew he was the only one that could even begin to understand what she was going through.
He rapped his knuckles against the half open wood door out of politeness more than anything.
Tara glanced up from her intense stare at her lap into Spencer’s eyes.
“Hey,” she croaked a little, forcing a smile.
“Hey,” he replied quietly. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” She shrugged, sitting up straighter in the chair.
“Look, I know you probably don’t want to talk but I just wanted you to know if you did want to talk…” Spencer trailed off, perching against the old desk.
Tara looked up at him, her usual stoic eyes held the weight of years of pent up emotions.
“Why couldn’t he get clean for me?” Her voice cracked as she spoke and her eyes searched Spencer for answers she knew he didn’t have.
Spencer lip drew into a tight, sad smile, bracing his hands against the desk for the conversation to come.
Even after all these years, thoughts of his past drug addiction still caused his stomach to coil into knots.
“I can’t answer that, Tara. But I’m sure he wanted to. Drug addiction is a beast. It’s the monster under your bed come to life and it grips you so tight you think there’s no way out. I wanted to get clean so many times before I actually did. It…it…sucks you in.
Drugs make us inherently selfish. I’m sure he wanted to do it for you, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t about you, it was bigger than that. Addiction is an illness. We want to get better, but actually doing it…I know it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Tara exhaled through slightly parted lips, leaning her elbows on her knees.
“Did he think it didn’t affect me? The nights he spent god knows where while I was worried sick about him?” Her tone got a little tense, her anger at Daryl creeping to the surface again.
“I think he probably didn’t think anything at all.” Spencer simply shrugged. “Honestly I know I never gave a thought for anyone else. Sometimes I stayed out all night just wandering the streets high out of my mind. I’d wake up with a ton of texts and missed calls from the team but it never occurred to me that I was hurting them too.”
“What about Y/N?” Tara’s eyes narrowed slightly on him.
Spencer couldn’t help but smile a little at the mention of your name.
“We were just friends back then. She tried so hard to help me, showing up at my apartment at all hours just to check in. Sometimes I’d stumble home in the middle of the night and she’d just be sitting outside my door waiting for me to come home. The drugs didn’t let me understand that she was just trying to help. I got angry, on more than one occasion. Pushed her away, told her I didn’t need her help and that I was fine.”
“Sounds familiar.” Tara smiled wryly. “He could get so violent at times.”
“Like I say, it’s a selfish illness.” Spencer relaxed a little against the desk, loosening his white knuckle grip on it a little. “I don’t think I was ever violent but I was certainly aggressive. Most of all with her. The same way Daryl directed his anger and frustration at you.”
“Why is that?” Her eyebrows pulled down into a frown.
“We lash out at those who care about us most. I think it’s a defensive mechanism? Push away those who care about us and who we care about because even in our drugged states we don’t want to pull them down this fucking rabbit hole with us.
I was undoubtedly in love with Y/N back then as I’m sure Daryl was with you. I didn’t want her to see me in my darkest moment so I yelled and I screamed and I pushed her away because I was…scared.” A few tears gathered at the corners of Spencer’s eyes as he spoke.
“He used to pin me against walls and yell at me like it was all my fault. I was only trying to help.” Tara’s voice pitched a little as though she might cry but Spencer knew her better than that.
“I once screamed at Y/N that I hated her and I wished she’d leave me alone. I told her I hated her and that she was a nosy fucking bitch for thinking she could just show up and think she held all the answers.” A tear escaped his eye as he unsurfaced that memory and he quickly wiped it on his jacket sleeve.
“But you did clean. And so did Daryl. Just not for me.”
“I don’t think that’s strictly true.” Spencer was quick to counter. “I know for me, every word Y/N ever said to me stuck. I might not have gotten clean for her but I did clean because of her.”
Tara’s eyes widened as an understanding passed between them.
Maybe it wasn’t until Mary came into his life that he actually got clean, but she’d still helped. Every fight, every bad word shared had stuck with Daryl.
Maybe she’d helped him more than she knew.
“You’re lucky to have her.” Tara smiled and it only held a hint of sadness.
“Don’t I know it.” Spencer chuckled. “I’m sorry for what you went through Tara, I really am.”
“Thanks. I’m sorry too.”
Spencer pushed himself up from the desk, shooting Tara a soft smile.
“If you ever want to talk again…”
“I’ll be sure to let you know, Spencer. Thank you.”
Spencer nodded and pushed on towards the door.
Outside in the corridor you were leaning up against the wall, a slightly wistful smile on your face.
“How long have you been there?” He cupped your cheek, grazing his fingertips along your skin.
“Long enough.” You shrugged. “Is she going to be ok?”
“I think so.” He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead before slipping his hand in yours.
The two of you started walking towards the elevators.
“I’d say I can’t imagine what she’s going through but…”
Spencer glanced at you as you walked, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.
“She helped Daryl in more ways than she might ever realise.”
You glanced back at him, the look in his eyes telling you he wasn’t strictly talking about Tara.
“I’m glad. And I’m sure she’d do it all over again.” You bumped your shoulder against his and he smiled softly at you as you reached the elevators.
He pressed the button with his free hand.
“You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah Spence, I know. And I love you too. No matter what.”
He slid his hand out of yours and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his body and placing a kiss in your hair.
“I’m not sure I’ve ever thanked you for everything you did for me. Sticking with me while I treated you like that.”
“You were my best friend.” You nuzzled into his chest. “And also, I was undoubtedly in love with you back then too.”
As the elevator doors opened you looked up at him with a smile.
He led you inside the elevator and as the door closed behind you he captured your lips in a kiss.
“I’m pretty certain after everything we’ve been through over the years, we can survive anything together.” You stroked a rogue strand of hair back off his face and he hummed at your touch.
“Doctor and Mrs Reid against the world?” He chuckled, taking hold of your hand again and feeling your wedding rings bump together.
“For better or worse.” You offered him a teasing smile as the elevator started making his descent.
He hoped Tara would see the impact she’d had on Daryl one day. It took you a long time to see just how much you’d aided Spencer’s recovery without even realising it.
Drug addiction is selfish and it destroys everything in its path. But without Tara’s insistence, without the fights and the harsh words, Spencer was sure Daryl would not be where he is today.
Maybe one day Tara would be able to take those broken wings and fly.
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid blurb#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x reader#tara lewis#criminal minds
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draft i will never continue unless i do
eddie draft of you and him in a preschool program in high school because i'm reliving a nightmare
Summary: you and eddie are forced to clean the kitchen after a fight idk it was a good idea but I'll probably never finish it
Word Count: 979
Your arms burn, fingers beginning to ache as you scrub, scrub, scrub against the spotted tables. Trying desperately to smudge and wipe away the marker stains and cracker crumbs and the juice left behind from halved grapes squashed under big plastic water bottles. The action is so repetitive and simple, you could easily get lost in the joy of seeing the mess cleared. You could easily forget Eddie even existed, if not for the sudden thunk and hiss and huff of him banging into an art shelf of colored papers and scraps.
And your eye twitches, back snapping straight, head swiveling right towards where the man with chunky chains hanging out of his ill-fitting jeans is cupping the side of his thigh. You’re glaring straight through his skull, daggers or lasers or gunshots or whatever could make Eddie Munson drop dead right on the squeaky tiled floor.
“You lose something over here, honey bunches?” Eddie’s dark eyes are narrowed at you through the side of his lashes.
“I’m annoyed,” you stretch out and slam the now damp and differently dyed paper towel in the tall trash can before grabbing a fresh couple of sheets, “At you.”
“Couldn’t tell,” his eyes roll now, and you almost see red at the lackadaisical way in which he responds. As if your overbearing hatred was blown away like dust on the most untouched non-fiction books in the back of the library.
So you settle to groan inside your soul and move onto the last table in need of a good sponging.
Eddie, meanwhile, thinks about the big, wet eyes Hannah gave him this morning - with a wobbly little lip and hands squeezing at her puffy pink dress skirt. The entire reason he ignored you during fourth hour in the first place - his own mind was too clouded with that memory.
The entire reason you two are stuck in this big chore day.
“Hey,” he stops sweeping, broom ramrod straight between both his hands, but his face is completely downturned, eyes lingering on his shoes, “I need advice.”
“Oh, big Munson needs help?”
“Would you be a human being for five seconds?” his furrowed brows drop as soon as they’d crinkled up, “I’m serious.”
You gnaw the smooth interior of your lip, paper towel crumpled in your hand, “Sorry. Yeah. What’s wrong?”
“Hannah, today,” you can see his throat bob as he swallows the pride and regret stuffed so full in his red, blotchy face. Eddie sighs, big and heavy just so you know it truly was him and not some new, sensitive guy you might actually like being around, “She was talking about her dog.”
Oh.
“Okay,” you move closer, throwing away the last paper towel and settling a hand against his shoulder, the leather is uncomfortable in your palm, “What was she saying?”
“She misses him,” Hannah’s dog was run over just under two weeks ago. A big, yappy labrador that she’s been talking about since the very first day of school, “And I just, I dunno, I didn’t say anything worthwhile. Just that it was normal to miss dead dogs.”
“I mean, it is,” that’s not how you would’ve done it, but Eddie’s good at what he does, so you won’t nitpick, “So, it’s not like you lied.”
“No, sweetpea,” Eddie turns to face you, the uncomfortable leather sticking and smoothing to your skin under the shift, “Do what you’re best at and be mean to me. I need to do better for her, I can’t just say ‘yeah, that sucks’ and expect her to move on,” the dark eyes you once swore off as the black holes that swallowed souls and human kindness are lit up by the kitchen fluorescents, something sweet and kind and open-armed, “You always know what to say, you always know the best way to comfort the kids. I want to be like that. I want to become the person I needed when I was their age.”
“Hm,” your eyes slide to the hall that leads into the teaching room, specifically to where Mrs. Evans’ purple office door is still ironclad shut and locked, “Okay.”
[you explain how to better react, but not that he’s stupid or you wanting to be mean blah blah blah]
You swallow your pride before puking up your next thought.
“I like it, you know,” he stops before he can return to sweeping up the crumbs and leftover grape guts and cheese veins, turning back to you, “How considerate you are of Hannah. A lot of people, you know,” you suddenly twiddle your thumbs, chest tight and lips pressing, “A lot of people might just consider her a ‘princess’ or something,” you pull down the pleated edge of your pink skirt, fingers shaky, “But you actually take a lot of time to really listen to her.”
Eddie nods, slow and as if he doesn’t really understand why you’d point that out. But then his tender, sweet baby cow eyes flip over you. In your purple sweater vest and white button down and pink pleated skirt and mary jane shoes. And he remembers your cupcake skirts and ribbons and bows from childhood. He nods again, smiling big and broad and empty-headed, and you think that he does understand.
“I like you, too,” he clears his throat and shrugs, “The way you are with Zach. A lot of the others just brush him off as some rowdy kid wanting to be the center of attention.”
And you understand, too.
“I always try to not assume kids do things on purpose,” and then you’re left gutted the longer Eddie’s dimples shine with his cherry-lipped grin. How he’s always grinned in the face of your aggravation and annoyance.
“Me too,” and Eddie’s left with weak knees at every memory of how terribly condescending he’s been to you.
And both of you feel that same sting.
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Walk into the Light: Introduction to Max Collins
I have died in the year 2089. In hindsight, my life was extremely short compared to the afterlife I had to deal with. I had seen the creator after six more years in purgatory. These six years feel like a moment now in the eyes of the Lord. I completed a journey that began in the year 2010. I started writing my thoughts onto paper. I shared my highs and lows with the world. The experience of going through purification was so calming. I knew since I made it there that Heaven was in reach. When my last penny was forgiven, I entered the gates of Heaven dressed in white clothes. I loved seeing the saints I prayed to asking for their prayers to God. I met relatives that I had never known on earth.
Thousands of years passed, but here I am. I am in line for the final judgment. It seems like my whole life has been preparing me for this date. I am what some consider an open book. I shared all my secrets with the whole world, but few would listen. My stories tell a tale of glory to God. All the souls already know which path we will go. I still don’t feel like I deserve to have the bliss of Heaven. I know for a fact that I was a sinner. God’s mercy and grace removed and transformed me.
The world has passed away and is replaced with the kingdom of Heaven. I am finally reconnected with my body. I am ready for Jesus to pass judgment on me again. Right now, he is separating the sheep from goats. People had a general judgment already. After all the souls that were dead had been risen, most already know our final destination. God calls us each by name. Max Ivan Collins is a name I haven’t heard in a good time. Most people call me Max. My close friends call me M. When I fail to respond to Max Ivan Collins, God calls me M.
I know I will be granted eternal life. The first judgment already deemed me worthy of the blessing of meeting the Lord. Now, my whole life will be on display. My story wasn’t always pretty. I had an addiction. I found God and tried my best to become clean. I got diagnosed with mental illness. I found a medication that stopped most of the symptoms. I searched long and hard for my soulmate. We married, had kids, and went through trials and tribulations.
Most of my life was spent writing. Now, everything I ever wrote is displayed to all. All the secrets I had are going to be brought to light. The light is coming. I step nervously in front of the judge Jesus Christ. Everything that I dealt with is being shown to the world.
I was never afraid of God. That was my major flaw as a Christian. I always thought God would understand. The painful years in purgatory sitting in a dark void as I lost interest in worldly pleasures. I saw in the distance after all that time a light. I walked into Heaven after mourning all my sins, desires, and comforts. My life was easy at parts. The difficulty came from the basic need of pleasure.
In the year 2023, I gave up music. I loved the idea of sharing through stories. All my words light up in the darkness. Each line became clearer and clearer. As a writer, I relived so many moments in my life more than twice. Now, it feels different reliving all these events in the sight of millions. I wanted an audience this big as a writer. Thinking how many people would appreciate my work is scary. God is moving the line ahead. I could see Jesus on the throne. Then, everything becomes quiet as I step up.
"Max Ivan Collins step forward," says God. His whole life is shown to the world. My words of hope, love, grief, sin, and gossip is blaring through the clouds. People see the good, the bad, and every boring detail of a saint who shouldn’t have made it. Welcome to the stories of the past of a boy who called himself the MC, Max Collins. He dabbled in music and shared his bars with the world. All the people that were inspired by his music and stories are shown. He did a lot of good in the world. But he also did some bad things indirectly and directly.
I see things I forgot about. I loved being reminded about how God saved me. A priest called me to become an altar server. During the years of my addiction to porn, that call redirected my life. My freshman year of high school is playing out. I learn that this problem I have is considered mortal sin. This leads to a decade and half of fighting before I kick the addiction for good. I thank Mary for saving me. She brought me to the Salesians. Without that I would have become a gross sinner.
My story truly began with a simple poem that I wrote. Before the dictionary rap, before listening to MC Shady, and before rap was on my mind, I began to write a simple poem titled "I Like." In the fifth grade, I wrote this simple poem for a class assignment. I didn't mean for it to rhyme. I wrote, "I like trading cards and the b-ball yard." Those two lines are all I remember. I finally see the rest of the poem as God shows me my life.
Walk into the Light is all I think about when this happened. A collection of poems that showed the world what I was about. I was a Christian on a mission. Picking the songs to keep and which to throw away. Giving up music to write stories was the smartest decision for Max. Going between first person narratives to stories about others. He shared too much, some would say. But the world wouldn't be the same without Max Ivan Collins the MC.
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E-boyification of mcyt Dreamwastaken
[Click for better quality!!]
#this is unironically one my best pieces#and i had saur much doing it too#ill never relive the high this gave me#dreamwastaken#dreamblr#dream fanart#dreamwastaken fanart#dream mcyt#dream.art#dream my beloved#Lime's art
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I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THE NEW SCREAM
This post contains HELLA spoilers under the cut!
🖤🔪🩸
Okay, maybe I'm just easy to please-- but I LOVED it!
Was it the best writing ever? No. Definitely not.
BUT I really enjoyed it! And I have to say- I LOVE when the killer wipes the blood off the knife and just keeps going- glad they did that in this one.
Okay, I totally called that Sam was Billy's kid- like immediately. What I did NOT call was the hallucinations! I did NOT expect to see Skeet and I actually teared up when he appeared all bloody and in his outfit from the final scene of the first Scream. Damn. 10/10 for me on that.
I thought maybe Sam was hallucinating the attack in the break room, since we'd just established that she had some form of mental illness that included hallucinations, but obviously that wasn't the case.
It was immediately obvious that Amber was one of the bad guys. I don't know if they thought by making it so obvious we'd assume that she couldn't be a killer? But it didn't work.
SO many good little Easter eggs! Tatum's ashes on the dresser, Richie's "you hit me with the phone", THE UMBRELLA- incredible.
Ugh, RIP to Sheriff Judy. And her son. I love that his name was Wes.
I'm obsessed with Mandy being Randy's little clone. I mean, their names rhyme, she gave the whole speech about the rules, HER WATCHING HER UNCLE'S SCENE AND BASICALLY RELIVING IT? Incredible.
So we had Billy's kid, Randy's niece/nephew, Dewey himself, Sid herself, Gale herself, and Stu's nephew. Love that they had legacies.
NOOOOOOO, NOT DEWEY! WHY! NO! I was a crying mess.
I ABSOLUTELY called that they were at Stu's old house. I saw the color of the siding and knew immediately.
I truly did not care about pink-hair girl. So strange. Bad acting. She was unnecessary.
Fuck yeah, Gale and Sydney. Queen shit.
I was not into the reveal of the killers. Okay, so Richie and Amber met online and they're... a couple? She's in high school and he's like 30. Yuck. Anyway, I don't know, I just didn't really buy it.
I get that their motive was to bring the franchise back to life with a "requel", but that motive was just kinda ehhh to me.
What I REALLY wanted was for Stu to make a comeback! They never explicitly state that Stu dies. Yes, he gets smushed by a tv... but I had so much hope that he survived somehow and was now bringing everyone back to his house to finish the job.
Love that Tara was tied up in the closet like Sydney's dad.
Sam's killing of Richie was dooooooopr- very stabby. 10/10.
I love that Gale was so wounded that she couldn't go inside, but they she was like totally fine. Same with Syd- their injuries were not consistent.
I really worried for a sec that they were gonna kill Syd- but she is the ultimate final girl! Nothing can kill her.
Gale and Syd warned Sam that they "always come back" and I so so wish Sam had said "not in my movie" as a reference to the first movie.
Love the panning out from the house at the end with the news crew present.
Overall, I really like it. Fun, interesting, nice references to the other movies. I'm a fan. But also, I'm kinda considered a heathen by the fan base because I enjoy Scream 4.
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Romance Manhwa/Manga Recommendations:
Historical Manhwa/Manga:
Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess
I’ve reincarnated as the reverse harem game’s villainess, the one and only adopted daughter of the ducal Eckart family.
But the difficulty just has to be the worst!
Everything I do will only lead me to death.
I must be paired with one of the main male characters from the heroine’s harem before the ‘real daughter’ of the duke family appears!
Two older brothers who always pick a fight with me on every little thing.
The insane crown prince whose route will always lead to my death.
‘I only see the heroine and no one else’s wizard, and also her loyal slave knight, too!
‘First, let’s take some of them which I see no hope in, out of the list!’
“I didn’t know my place up until now. From now on, I’ll live as quiet as a mouse so you wouldn’t care the slightest bit!
But why do their interests in me keep on rising every time I draw the line?!
The Villainess is a Marionette
Cayena, the Imperial Princess, was known as the most beautiful woman in the Empire. She was a woman who knew nothing but evil and luxury.
However, she was destined for ruin: she would be used as a chess piece by her younger brother to secure his throne and killed by her crazy husband.
“I’ll make you the Emperor.”
“… Sister, are you referring to me?”
“In exchange, give me freedom.”
She had to change things before she became that Cayena.
The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke’S Mansion
Poisoned to death by her own betrothed?! Eunha didn’t wake up in a novel’s story just to get killed off again as an unfortunate extra! To change her story she needs a cover… 6 months pretending to be the fake fiancée of the novel’s male protagonist, Duke Noah Wynknight. But will this cold-hearted, angel-faced demon of a man really help her avoid another ill-fated ending?!
Your Throne / I Want to Be You, Just For A Day
The story follows main characters Medea Solon and Psyche Callista, who become archenemies after competing for the position of crown princess of the Vasilios Empire. On the day of the Yearly Prayer, Medea and Psyche accidentally switch bodies.
The Remarried Empress
Navier was the perfect empress, however, the Emperor wanted a wife, not a colleague. And so, the Emperor abandoned Empress Navier and placed an enslaved girl beside him. That was fine until Navier heard the Emperor promise the slave the Empress’ position. After many ups and downs, Navier decided she would accept being the Queen of the neighbouring country and remarry.
Kill The Villainess
Eris Mizerian was the villainess of a novel. The only daughter of a marquis, she got executed after scheming against the pure and lovely protagonist, Helena. My only goal, after possessing her, is simply to leave this world and go home. I am prepared to face even death, but the laws of this world keep stopping me.
A changed Eris begins to draw the attention of three men who once loathed her; the Crown Prince, the High Priest, and the Knight.
"It doesn't matter. I will never be able to love this world."
Even if the only way out is death,
even if the only way out is make a deal with a witch...
I will absolutely leave this world!
This is the story of the villainess who defies fate, Eris, and her escape from this world!
The Way To Protect The Female Lead's Older Brother
I accidentally took possession of someone in a 19+ reverse harem novel.
The problem is that I became Roxana Agriche, the older sister of the sub-villain. My damn father kidnapped the heroine’s brother. Now, is the only thing left to meet a terrible end from the vengeance of the heroine?
But what if I can avoid that horrible development?
“I’m also interested in this toy.”
“I’ll protect you until you can get out of here safely.”
The heroine’s brother, Cassis Pedalian, will definitely be able to pay me back later.
Shadow Queen
“Can you be my daughter for me?”
By his offer, Elena became Duke of Franceschi’s fake daughter.
She became the queen and gave birth to Crown Prince’s son.
Then suddenly, Princess Veronica who was assumed dead came back.
She was only just a toy.
But eventually, Elena gets her son taken and is murdered.
However, she went back to the past.
“I’ll destroy all of you.”
I’ll never live as a toy again.
Elena decides to seeks revenge.
Under the Oak Tree
The daughter of a duke, the stuttering Maximilian, married a knight of lowly status at her father’s coercion.
After their first night, her husband departed for an expedition without another word.
He comes back three years later, this time as a famous knight in the whole continent.
How would Maximilian face him on his return?
"The more I think of you, the more lonely and lonely I become. I don't know why I can't quit even though it's so painful."
I'm Stanning The Prince
Angela’s fanfic became such a sensation that it even reached the Imperial Family, leading her to get arrested on charges of treason. Nevertheless, her fanfic improved the First Prince’s image, and his sister, the Princess, decides to take political advantage of this and keep Angela by their side. 
The heroine who can now fangirl to her heart’s content, and the Prince who doesn’t know how to act around her. As they bicker back and forth, they start growing closer…
Miss Not-So Sidekick
Hyejung loved to read to escape her daily stress. But that’s before she woke up inside the bizarre world of her favorite novel! Instead of the main heroine who courts three eligible men, she is now Latte Ectrie – a minor villain that everyone hates?! One way or another, it’s a chance to live out her most beloved storyline, with popcorn in hand to watch all the drama! Taking charge of the narrative takes on a whole new meaning!
Even Though I’M The Villainess, I’ll Become The Heroine!
I wasn’t able to overcome the harassment and took my life, but I was reincarnated with the perpetrator? The perpetrator is the heroine, Florre, and I am the villainess, Dahlia, who’s going to die horribly.
“They said you are a villain with neither blood nor tears, but unlike the rumors, you often shed tears.”
“Your Highness must believe all the nonsense the idiots are talking about, huh?”
Grand Duke of Cervian, the half brother of the Male lead and who will be punished for treason afterwards. He approached me. I can’t lose the man who will be my greatest ally.
“Your Highness, would you marry me?”
“Now…… what did you say?”
“And take revenge together.”
A similar situation, a fixed ending. The heroine is not the only one who knows the ending of the novel. I took a long and arduous path of revenge.
Who Made Me A Princess
The beautiful Athanasia was killed at the hands of her own biological father, Claude de Alger Obelia, the cold-blooded emperor! It’s just a silly bedtime story… until one woman wakes up to suddenly find she’s become that unfortunate princess! She needs a plan to survive her doomed fate, and time is running out. Will she go with Plan A, live as quietly as possible without being noticed by the infamous emperor? Plan B, collect enough money to escape the palace? Or will she be stuck with Plan C, sweet-talking her way into her father’s good graces?!
The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass
With the marriage of her prostitute mother to the Count, Aria’s status in society skyrocketed immediately. After leading a life of luxury, Aria unfairly meets death because of her sister Mielle’s schemes. And right before she dies, she sees an hourglass fall as if it were a fantasy. And just like that, she was miraculously brought back to the past.
“I want to become a very elegant person, just like my sister, Mielle.”
In order to face the villainess, she must become an even more wicked villainess. This was the new path Aria chose to take revenge on Mielle who murdered both her and her mother.
The Evil Lady's Hero
Junipe Magnolia, a villainess friend of the heroine in this novel called Rael Cania.
The Junipe inside the novel has always loved the male lead, Iseed. To the point where she harassed Rael out of jealousy because she's loved by Iseed.
And thus, Junipe is destinied to die in the hands of the male lead of this novel.
But one day.
"Why did I become Junipe?!"
But let's think about it, it's still one year away from the time Junipe is going to get killed by Iseed. So, I have to meet Iseed and Rael first, I'll be able to find a way out of my death if I do so.
Yeah, let's meet them first!
But, this man is just so tender-hearted and kind. Would Junipe be able to escape from this man?!
I Tamed a Tyrant and Ran Away
God gave me a chance to relive my life. Before the rebirth, I had been used for the past 400 years as the empire's sword. And so, I swore to destroy the empire. I found the young prince of the country and became his teacher. I taught him how to become a tyrant and asked for the country.
"I will do the lady's will."
He conquered the whole empire for me, and I ran away.
"I came to take you, Charlize Ronan." Dylan became a perfect tyrant and searched the entire empire for me.
"You tamed me, so why did you run away?"
Untouchable Lady
“Please, Hilise. Please die in place of Gabrielle.” My always dignified brother begged me for the first time. He wants me to die for our stepsister, whom we don't even share a drop of blood with. “For the first and last time, I ask you this.” I've always been miserable, and there is no exception this time. The seventh time that I was betrayed and killed, I was completely free of lingering feelings. “I'm glad that you're a scumbag until the end.” I won't be swayed by love anymore. It's my turn to abandon them first.
I’ll Live On As A Villainess
I reincarnated as the villainess in a book!
The one who dared to commit attempted murder on the heroine is the owner of this body?
Let's just live in a quiet place where we have fun and eat! That's what I thought for a while.
It was so, so, so cold here in the north, where I was kicked out as a punishment.
Before I froze to death, I called the Great Demon of Fire and set fire to the fireplace but...
Why isn't he going back? If you've done the job, shouldn't you go back?!
I was flustered to find out that I had signed a life contract with a demon just to start a fire but to think that I'd be responsible for relieving his desires!
The bickering romance between a big puppy demon and a small villainess lady!
It Looks Like I’Ve Fallen Into The World Of A Reverse Harem Game
When I opened my eyes, I was in a different world. I had become the game’s villainous princess who was feared by all. Not to mention… Completely naked men I didn’t even know were approaching me left and right! “Are you cold? Shall I warm you up with a hug?” “Oh? Have you not had enough yet?” Seriously, what’s up with this situation? And just how the hell am I going to get out of this freaking game?!
Father, I Don't Want to Get Married!
I’m Jubelian? The daughter of the duke and the villainess of this novel?
I managed to avoid my death with some previous knowledge about my life, as this was my second time at it. Now, I should be able to live a peaceful life!
“I’m not going to marry a man unless he has everything. I want the most wealthy, famous, and competent man there is.”
I dreamt of a glamorous life as the daughter of the duke, but my father tells me the Crown Prince who is known to be a lunatic is to be my husband! As an extraordinary measure, I couldn’t help but start a contract relationship. That is, with a handsome side character that looks better than the main one.
“Why are you trying to avoid being engaged to the prince?”
“He’s scary. I heard that he even kills his own entourage if he doesn’t like them.”
A few days later, the prince sent a terrible letter to me.
“I will not kill you.”
Oh no, did I set up another death trap for myself?
Like A Wind On A Dry Branch
"Hi, You."
Count Casarius fell victim to a plague and died suddenly, leaving behind a will stating that Rietta, his beautiful young widow of the manor, whom he tried to use as a concubine, be buried alive alongside him. Just before Rietta is buried, Archduke Axias, rumored to be a cruel tyrant, arrives at the funeral to collect the enormous debt Count Casarius still owes him.
“Everyone here seems to feel sorry for her, and I still have a debt to collect from Casarius… If I take her instead of debt, I think all of you here should be happy," he smiled.
"Hello, Temptress."
Everything was a Mistake
Roa Valrose reincarnated as villainess in the book. In order to avoid the fate of being burned at the stake, she approaches the hero, Nocton Edgar.
It hurts every time she gets closer to him. Nevertheless, for her survival, she does everything he wants her to do.
“Come again, Valrose.”
The mysterious Nocton unexpectedly sought her out every day.
Then one day, her friend for 10 years says something unknown to her.
“Actually, I have a dream. The Duke of Edgar is a terrible villain!”
He is not the hero, but the villain?
As soon as she realized that she had misinterpreted the role, she decided to get away from Nocton.
“Let’s not meet anymore.”
But the villain’s reaction was strange.
“Don’t go. You’ve always been special to me.”
She was suspicious of his sudden change of attitude.
Will she able to get rid of Nocton safely?
I Became the Tyrant's Secretary
I became the secretary of a tyrant in place of my clumsy brother to survive.
But I have so much potential for it. I’m so darn good at my job. Because I served the tyrant so well, ‘Everyone has a happy ending’.
Well then, shall I quit being a secretary and live a leisurely life now?
“Rosaline, tell me what you want.” He asked as he stepped down from his chair.
“I want to quit.”
His eyebrows twitched slightly.
“Do you want to die?”
Your highness, you never hold on to people who want to leave, so why’re you being like this to me?
Seduce the Villainess Father
After being in a bus crash, I woke up to the world of my favourite web novel.
Not only that, It was before the protagonists were born, to their parents’ world!
To stop the incoming multiple bad events.
I tried to prevent the kidnapping of the sister who is pregnant with the female lead!
But I got kidnapped instead?!
It's depressing to be kidnapped, but my body couldn't handle the mana and became a sunfish-like state
But... if I am next to the emperor who kidnapped me, my body becomes normal!
Right! The way to save that man from marrying a witch and getting killed by his son, and for someone who is vulnerable to mana such as myself to live, is for us to get married!
The Villains Savior
Set on a path to tragedy and misfortune from a young age, Aseph Randell is doomed to die a villain. That is, until the mysterious Elzay Tiathe appears in his life with a promise: "I can save you." After having vivid visions of him for so long, can Elzay untangle the twisted fate tied to Aseph... or will they both be dragged down together?
Contemporary Manhwa/Manga:
Night Crying Crow
This woman; who is she?
If something was action, it'd be action. If something was romance, it’d be romance. The A-list actor Cheon Woo Kang, who's great at every (genre), had his heart stolen away by an unknown woman who’d broken into his house!
“We'll meet again.~"
Woo Kang contracted an over imaginative illness as he drew the woman, whose name he didn't even know. In front of Woo Kang, she reappeared as the police officer Park Tae... Could the shadow of the crisis that appeared in front of them be a coincidence?
Raise wa Tanin ga Ii
Yoshino Somei would have been a normal high-schooler if not for the fact that she is the granddaughter of the leader of the Osaka-based Somei Group, the Kansai region's largest yakuza organization. One day, Yoshino hurries home after hearing of the news about the unification of Kansai and Kanto's biggest syndicates, the Somei and the Miyama groups. This, according to the article, will result in a marriage of the leaders' grandchildren—one of whom is Yoshino herself! Despite her best efforts to annul the arrangement, Yoshino has to go to Tokyo to visit her fiancé, Kirishima Miyama, who is unexpectedly nice and charming.
During their first meeting, Yoshino is swept up in various events and becomes unable to refuse moving to Tokyo, which is why, half a year later, she now lives with the Miyama group. At school, she soon realizes that Kirishima is very popular, so her relationship with him garners the hate of his fangirls and subsequently results in bullying. To make matters worse, Kirishima could not be further away from her prince charming since he, after all, was born to be a yakuza member.
Raise wa Tanin ga Ii follows Yoshino and her new life in Tokyo that is filled with nothing but troubles connected to the underworld. However, though she wishes to be as far from it as possible, this isn't Yoshino's first time dealing with the world of the Yakuza...
Positively Yours
To Hee-won’s dismay, the BFF she crushed on and her other BFF are now dating! Seriously bummed, Hee-won decides to go wild just one time, and find solace with a handsome stranger. A very satisfying one night affair has now turned into more — she’s pregnant! Fate brings them together again, and now the regimented Doo-joon is determined to do the right thing and marry her. But they’re basically strangers! Except... their bodies have been very intimately acquainted. What’s this mother-to-be to do?
True Beauty
After binge-watching beauty videos online, a shy comic book fan masters the art of makeup and sees her social standing skyrocket as she becomes her school’s prettiest pretty girl overnight. But will her elite status be short-lived? How long can she keep her real self a secret? And what about that cute boy who knows her secret?
Cheese In the Trap
Hong Sul is a ordinary college student. Yoo Jung is the school's most popular upperclass man. He's good looking, rich, smart, and even nice. However, Hong Sul thinks there's more to Yoo Jung than what meets the eye…
SPY x FAMILY
The master spy codenamed has spent his days on undercover missions, all for the dream of a better world. But one day, he receives a particularly difficult new order from command. For his mission, he must form a temporary family and start a new life?! A Spy/Action/Comedy about a one-of-a-kind family!
Doppio Senso (18+)
“What are you thinking about?”
“I’m thinking about a guy.”
KyungHyun stopped in the middle of a deep kiss and sighed. His lips began to form a smile, but his fierce glare said otherwise. Possessiveness and jealousy spread across his sculpted face.
“Will you tell me his name?”
His easygoing and languid voice reached her ears.
“Why?”
“So that I can shoot him down.”
#I’ll probably add more later on#hope you enjoy this extensive list#manga#anime#manhwa#the way to protect the female lead's older brother#death is the only ending for a villainess#true beauty#cheese in the trap#untouchable lady#the villainess is a marionette#the villainess reverses the hourglass#who made me a princess#miss not so sidekick#under the oak tree#the remarried empress#your throne#the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion#kill the villainess#I’m stanning the prince#Even though I’m the villain I’ll become the heroine#the evil lady's hero#everything was a mistake#seduce the villain's father#raise wa tanin ga ii#doppio senso#manhwa recommendation#manga recommendation#recommendations#villains
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Dazed and Confused
Summary: You and Connie have been friends for ten years, crushing on each other like a bunch of idiots who can't confess their feelings for one another. Until you go on a trip with your friends.
Pairing: Connie Springer x Fem!Reader
Warnings & Content: 18+, language, oral sex (female & male receiving), unprotected sex, weed smoking, alcohol consumption, f l u f f
Word Count: 4.2 k
A/N: I got so pissed at that last anon that I finished this oneshot quicker lol. @fiaficsxo here it is!
You loved parties. Not the loud music and thick smoke, not the booze and smell of vomit, but your friends. Every time they gathered at someone's place, your heart fluttered, filled with happiness and content and long-lasting memories.
Connie had the brilliant idea of spending a week in the mountains during your spring break, and you wasted an entire night searching for the perfect cottage to rent. Luckily everyone was down with his suggestion, the only problem was how you'd sleep. Historia obviously wanted to share a room with Ymir. Mikasa and Eren were an item now, so they'd have to sleep together. Armin wanted to try his luck with Annie, so no one objected to that. Jean declared that he wanted to bunk with Connie, like the two eligible bachelors they were, and that left you and Sasha to share a room together. You didn't mind it, in all honesty you loved Sasha with all your heart — but you secretly hoped someone would pick up on your feelings for Connie and let you sleep with him. You weren't that lucky.
You packed your bag the night before the trip, obsessively ticking everything on your list and double checking every item and pocket. It was ready, with one item missing — the white lace babydoll smoothed on your dorm bed. You chewed the pen cap, debating whether to bring it with you or not. You bought it for special occasions, but you haven't had a dick appointment in a long time, and you doubted you'd have one this week. With a shrug, you decided to bring it — you never know what might happen. Nighttime passed quickly and you soon found yourself all dolled up, albeit still sleepy from all the tossing and turning, excited to make more memories with your friends.
The train station was packed with people, especially students who went back to their hometowns for the break, and you were relieved to find Armin and Mikasa there. You three were always punctual, followed by Jean and Annie. Eren, Sasha and Connie were always late, which is why you told them the train leaves at 7 am instead of 7:30. It was a dirty strategy, but no one wanted to miss such a fun opportunity because of those lazy fuckers. And lo and behold, they decided to appear at 7:15.
"That was some good thinking." Jean shook his head, hand sympathetically placed on your shoulder.
"I'm only glad you guys rolled with it." You laughed without noticing the way Connie stared at you, and even he didn't understand exactly what he felt. Was he grumpy because he hated morning, or was it Jean's hand on you that irked him?
"It's not polite to stare." Sasha pulled Connie out of his thoughts.
"I wasn't staring, I was looking." Connie rolled his eyes, gripping the handle of his suitcase a bit too tightly.
"I just don't get it why you don't tell her you like her." The girl popped a bubblegum baloon, proceeding to chew it very loudly.
"Are you kidding me? She obviously likes Jean. Look how she's laughing!"
Sasha placed an arm on his shoulder, a sheepish smile on her face. "You, my friend, are a dumbass."
"Takes one to know one."
To say that your friends were loud during the train ride was an understatement. They didn't really care about the nasty glares other passengers shot at them, opting to talk, sing, eat and practically embarrass themselves. But two hours later you arrived, and the fresh, crisp air of the mountains was a blessing. You didn't regret coming, all of you deserved a break after all the exams, studying and all-nighters you guys pulled.
"We could visit the military museum!" Armin suggested, but Connie scrunched his nose.
"We came here to get high, drink and spend time together, why the fuck would we visit some old ass building?"
"I'd like to go to the museum." You awkwardly smiled, earning a 'see?' from the blond. Mikasa, Eren and Annie backed you up, and since it was a democracy, you ended up leaving your bags at the cottage and touring the small town to find the military museum. The building wasn't massive, and inside it was dark, with crimson carpets and dim lights. It was actually quite a romantic atmosphere, had it not been for the weapons and armours displayed in glass cases. Connie watched you intently, taking in every movement, every flinch, every hair tucking, every scrunch of your cute nose. You absorbed the information, hungry for knowledge. This was something you and Connie didn't share — yes, you were down to drinking and smoking, but you were also eager to learn and study, while he always preached how 'you can always retake an exam but you can't relive a party.' He wasn't stupid by any means, but unlike you, Jean, Armin and Mikasa — who alwaysstudied and never skipped lectures — Connie would wing it and somehow end up getting better grades. His strategy didn't always work, and sometimes, when you were in college, he'd ask you to tutor him. Now you were second year undergraduates, and while you were studying different subjects, you still made time for each other.
"That's a nice, uhh..." Connie squinted, "...shotgun."
"It's a musket." You chuckled, your fingers accidentally brushing his as you turned around to face him.
"Shotgun, musket, same thing."
"Actually, muskets are muzzle-loaded and fire a single bullet, but shotguns pack multiple pellets in one shell." You explained. "I'm sorry, you're probably not interested in my ramblings."
"No, no, it's... interesting. I just wasn't expecting you to know so much about guns." He rubbed his nape and smiled at you.
"Well, I do study history, in case you forgot."
"How could I forget that?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" You awkwardly elbowed Connie. Why was it so hard for you to just tell him your feelings? Oh, right, because you've been friends for ten years and if he didn't like you back, it would only ruin a great friendship.
"It means you brag about it so much it's kind of hard to forget." He told you, quickly realising just how insulting that sounded.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that's how you felt..." You sighed, eyes darting back to the weapons.
"No, I didn't- forget it." Connie shook his head. Well played.
Back at the cottage, with enough food and booze to last the group a month, you decided to stay in your room for the rest of the day. It wasn't the first time you had embarrassing moments with Connie, but this particular one made you anxious to be around him. Did he really dislike you that much, or was it just friendly banter? If you were to ask him, you could find out, but every scenario in your head had a bad outcome, so avoiding him for now was the smartest choice. Sasha pleaded with you to spend the evening in the living room with everyone else, but you brushed her off, telling her you weren't feeling quite well.
"Text me if you need anything." She told you before leaving. It was immature to act this way, you knew that all too well, but it wasn't like Connie cared, right? You eventually decided to go downstairs after finishing a long episode of your favourite tv show, your stomach begging for nourishment. As silently as possible, you tiptoed behind the couch. The hallway was dim, the sun had already set, and the only lights were the ones from the wide TV screen in the living room where your friends were watching some corny horror movie. You could cut the suspense and tension with a knife, and when you dropped a teaspoon, everyone jumped.
"Sorry, sorry! It's just me!"
"Jesus Christ, Y/N, you almost gave me a heart attack." Jean got up from the floor and walked behind the couch. "How are you feeling? Sasha said you're ill."
"I'm fine, don't worry." You picked the spoon up and threw it in the sink. "It's just a headache, I'll sleep it off."
"Good, we need you here." The man wrapped an arm around you. "You're missing how Connie's crapping his pants at this shitty movie."
From the outside it would seem like you and Jean were a couple, but the truth was far from it. You two grew up together, his family was friends with your family, and what you had was nothing more than a brother-sister relationship. Jean's little remark earned a disgruntled look from Connie, you quickly picked up on that, and so you playfully jabbed him in the stomach.
"Connie's crapping his pants? You're the one who almost had a heart attack." You grinned.
"Oi, that was only because you dropped your stupid spoon. I was invested in the movie."
"Mhm, sure you were."
"Hey, you sure you don't want to join us?" Mikasa waved at you from the living room. You pondered over her question. Perhaps it wouldn't be too awkward to sit with them.
"Alright, sure, why not?"
"Come, sit next to me." Sasha shuffled to the side, but what she really meant by that was 'sit next to Connie', because she shuffled to the otherside.
The following two nights were surprisingly quiet, all you did was play board games, watch movies and walk around the town taking pictures. The tension between Connie and you seemed to dissipate, and you both forgot the unpleasant interaction you had on the first day. But on the fourth night, that's when shit hit the fan. Annie and Armin left for a date, and Eren and Mikasa wanted to spend the night alone in their room, leaving you, Sasha, Jean and Connie unsupervised, bored and tipsy. There was absolutely nothing good to watch on the TV, and you almost wanted to scream when your friends wanted to play truth or dare. It was one of those games you despised, because the whole point of it was to put the players in uncomfortable situations. And you didn't like being uncomfortable, unlike your friends.
"Jean, truth or dare?" Sasha beamed.
"Dare, duh."
"Alright, I dare you to switch roommates for the rest of the week." She sipped her blackberry cider.
"Okay? So, I'll stay with Y/N, then."
Good lord, if looks could kill, Connie's would annihilate Jean and Sasha off the face of the Earth.
"No, no, you'll stay with me. Y/N will stay with Connie."
"Eh? Why does your dare involve us?" You asked, confused and curious of your friend's proposal.
"Because." She shrugged. "Don't pussy out."
"I'm not pussying out. A dare's a dare." Jean scoffed. "I'm gonna go take my shit in your room and shower."
"Y-yeah, I'll go bring mine, too." You got up, using this time to hyperventilate alone. What the fuck was Sasha even thinking? Was this some stupid joke? But your friends wouldn't harm you, so why would she suggest such a stupid thing?
You took a quick shower before curling up in the bed, blankets covering you from neck to toe. Connie wasn't back yet, and you didn't want to go after him, that would just be odd. You were hoping you'd fall asleep before he returned, to avoid any unnecessary fuss, but just as you closed your eyes, the door opened. Maybe you could pretend you were asleep? He struggled to find his pyjamas in the dark, stumbling over furniture and knocking things down, and you turned the bedside lamp on to ease his search.
"Did I wake you up?" Connie bit his lower lip, and through the dim light you watched the way his grey eyes glistened, the way his short brown hair was ruffled, and how the sage green t-shirt hugged his toned abdomen.
"No, no, 's alright. I wasn't sleeping. I can't exactly fall asleep." You clutched the blanket at your chest as you shook the intrusive thoughts away. Connie was your friend, damn it, there was no room for romance between you.
"I can sleep on the floor if you want."
"Oh, God, no, it's... stiff."
"Um, yeah, it kinda is. Alright then, I'll jump in the shower real quick before going to bed." He stumbled into the bathroom and you really wanted to fall asleep now.
But you couldn't. Every time you closed your eyes, Connie's face popped in your head. So much for resting. You tossed and turned on the mattress, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, but nothing helped. It didn't take long for him to finish his shower, and you mentally chastised yourself for not falling asleep when you felt him shuffle under the same blanket that was covering you. For a minute, you didn't utter a word, you barely breathed, afraid to disturb the silence in the room.
"Are you asleep?"
"Nope." You heard the click of Connie's phone and turned around. You couldn't see him, but you could hear him.
"Do you wanna talk about something? Until we fall asleep, I mean." You suggested.
"Hmm, sure." He turned on his side and you felt his breath fanning over your cheeks. You were too close to him. "Actually, d'you wanna smoke?"
"Aren't the others gonna be mad if we smoke without them?"
"They don't have to know. Besides, you and I never smoked together." Connie was already up, rummaging through his backpack with the flashlight of his phone. "And then we can talk as much as you want."
"Alright, I'm down."
You laid on the floor, your head next to Connie's as you looked at the ceiling, smoke leaving your lips. He took the joint from you, fingers touching yours and you blushed, the haze of the weed melting your worries away.
"Do you want me to skip the song?" Connie asked, and for a moment you forgot there was a song playing.
"No, I like it." You confessed. "I didn't know you liked Led Zeppelin."
"There's lots of things you don't know about me, Y/N." He passed you the joint.
"Okay, tell me something else I don't know."
"I like it when you randomly say historical or scientific facts."
"Didn't you say I brag too much about it?" You took one final drag before you stubbed the joint out in a makeshift ashtray filled with a bit of water. By this point you were high as a kite, every trace of rationality gone.
"That doesn't mean I don't like it." Connie smiled and you could feel it in his voice. "Now you tell me something I don't know about you."
"I can't sleep with open doors. It freaks me out." You sat up, a breeze blowing through the window sending shivers down your spine. "It's a bit cold, do you mind if I close the window?"
"Go ahead."
You got up and picked the ashtray up but before you could close the window, you stumbled over a chest of drawers, the ashes mixed with water spilling over your t-shirt.
"You okay?" He quickly crawled to you, concern written all over his face.
"Yeah, I'm just clumsy." You laughed it off and waved your free hand. "I'll go get changed, I should have a spare shirt."
But you didn't have a spare shirt. All you had was that stupid white babydoll, and anxiety seeped through your veins. You couldn't exactly show up in that in front of your crush. And you didn't want to ask him for a shirt either. Fuck it, what else could you do?
You peeked out the bathroom door and saw Connie back in bed, lazily scrolling through his phone. God, this was embarrassing.
"You look like you've seen a ghost." He laughed, but when your facial expression didn't change, he frowned. "Y/N?"
"Um, so, I didn't have a spare shirt and- Jesus, this is awkward." You opened the door and his eyes widened. "Is it alright if I sleep in this?"
"Oh, I get it now." Connie scoffed.
"Get what?"
"You were hoping you'd share a room with Jean, right?" He sounded almost disgusted.
"Excuse you? Where did you even get that idea?" You slammed the bathroom door shut, arms folded across your chest.
"I'm not stupid, Y/N. I've seen the way you two act. Do yourselves a favour and just fuck already."
You were speechless. Completely reactionless. The weed amplified your anger, but his words brought tears to your eyes.
"You... you fucking asshole! You think I brought this for Jean? I brought it for you!"
"Eh? M-me?" Connie was confused, and you were pissed.
"Yes, you. Jean's like a brother to me, oh my God! Ew!"
"Wait, so you and Jean are not in love with each other?"
"In love?? Connie, how high are you exactly?" You walked closer to the bed, arms still crossed.
"But- Fuck, I am stupid." He shook his head, the memories of you flirting with him flashing before his eyes. "I fucked up, didn't I?"
"A bit..." Your muscles relaxed and you sat on the mattress. "Really, Connie, I... I like you. A lot. But you're always giving me mixed signals."
"That's because I always thought you liked Jean!" He threw his hands in the air in exasperation.
"No, you're the only one."
"Huh, guess I've really been dazed and confused."
Calloused fingertips ran across your hips leaving goosebumps in their trail. Your hands roamed his back and the way Connie kissed you was better than any high you've ever experienced. He was touch-starved, and you were just as needy. His knee found its place between your thighs and you moaned when it barely brushed your cunt.
"I've been dreaming for this moment for as long as I can remember." Connie breathed into your neck, the hot breath tickling your skin.
"Me too, you blind bat." You laughed and he turned you over, hovering over you.
"'M sorry I didn't notice quicker." He kissed you again. One hand travelled lower, pushing your underwear to the side before he pushed two fingers between your folds. "Fuck, you're so wet."
"Well, at least now I don't have to finger myself thinking about you." You whimpered with a grin.
"Oh?" Connie arched a brow. "Is that what you've been doing?" He curled up his fingers and you threw your head back with a moan. "I thought you were a prude."
"T-there's lots of things you d-don't know about m-me!" You replied back between oh’sand ah’s, imitating his words from an hour ago. That only earned a sneer from Connie, his head dipping between your thighs. "Wait, what are you do- ooh fuck!"
His tongue lapped at your cunt, fingers pumping in and out of you, and you completely sunk into the mattress, moaning his name over and over again. You gripped the sheets, flexing the muscles in your legs as you squirmed and thrashed. Connie stopped and you almost crushed his skull with your thighs at the empty feeling. He pulled your underwear down and shoved the cotton panties in your mouth.
"Don't wake everyone up, Y/N. You don't want them knowing what a little slut you are, do you?"
You shook your head and Connie went back to circling your clit with his tongue, adrenaline rushing through your entire body with each lick, each suck. Tears of pleasure pooled at your eyes, nose and cheeks red from the thrill of your incoming orgasm. The way he was sloppily eating your pussy and moaning while doing it drove you insane, and within seconds you came undone, thighs trembling with delight. In fact, you were so sore you had to push his head back, begging him to stop so you could return the favour.
"You taste so sweet." Connie licked his lips. You don't know what possessed you to pull him into a kiss after you removed the makeshift gag, but he was right, you were sweet.
"Can I...?" Your eyes drifted down to his twitching cock, your voice soft and quiet.
"You wanna suck it?"
"Yes."
"Later. Right now, I wanna fuck you."
Connie gave you no time to protest, his elbow pushed one of your things to the side, the blushing tip of his cock grazing over your overstimulated clit, up and down your slit. Inch by inch it disappeared into your cunt and he let out a satisfied sigh. You bucked your hips, manicured nails digging into his shoulders with each thrust.
"Shit, you're so fucking tight!" Connie growled, head lowering to kiss you. You could still taste yourself on his lips and that only made you clench your spongy walls around his cock. That seemed to please him, because he rocked his hips harder and faster. "You like it?"
"Oh, God, yes!" You gasped, beads of sweat forming on your forehead as you clawed his back.
"Fuck, I want you to ride me." He gripped your hips tighter and turned you over. You tried your best to get in the new position without letting his cock slip out of you, and when you finally adjusted yourself, it was a whole new challenge. Gravity pulled you down, and his tip brushed your cervix, your eyes squinting at the slight pain. "If it hurts, stop-"
"No!" You cried out, your hands resting on his chest. You bounced up and down, the uncomfortable feeling slowly replaced with pleasure. Connie's hands traced your thighs as you rode him, another wave of heat flushing through your core. His palm met your cunt, thumb circling over your clit. "I can't c-come again!"
"Yes, you can. And you will cream on my cock."
The disgust words worked like magic and you flexed your thighs, bouncing faster, head thrown back, hair cascading down your back. "You're so beautiful, Y/N."
"Connie, I-" The words stopped in your throat, the pressure too much for you to handle.
"You what?"
"I'm- oh, God!"
"Atta girl!" He praised you when he felt your silken walls relaxing and your thighs quaking. The second orgasm was so intense you let yourself fall over his chest, dizzy and tired. You thought he'd give you a break, but Connie wrapped an arm around your back, holding you in place before giving your oversensitive cunt a few more thrusts. "Now you can return the favour."
You mustered up some strength to get up and kneel in front of the bed, between his legs.
"Please don't come in my mouth." You asked him before wrapping your pretty lips around his cock.
"Gotchaah-" Connie choked on his words when he felt himself in your hot mouth. You bobbed your head up and down, cheeks hollowed and eyes on him. You didn't break eye contact when you pulled away and spat on the tip, hand pumping his cock to smear the spit. "Hot." He mumbled before you went back to sucking. You felt the throbbing, tightening your lips around him and picking up the pace. "Y/N-"
It all happened in a flash — Connie yanked your hair and pulled your head back, thick ropes of milky white cum shooting all over your face and neck.
"Eew!" You scrunched your nose, hand under your chin to stop it from dripping down the floor.
"What do you mean ew? That's, like, a billion kids!"
"Actually, a fertile man produces around-"
"Don't start. Do not." He pressed his index finger over your lips. "Let's get you cleaned up."
You woke up sore, especially between your thighs, but damn, was it worth it. Connie wrapped an arm around your waist, mumbling something about how pretty you are, but you assumed he was still sleeping — or still high. The sun shone through the blinds and you squinted, annoyed by the brightness, and so you turned around, watching the way your crush snored peacefully.
"Cute." You smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead, waking him up. "Oh, I'm sorry!"
"Why?" Connie rubbed his eyes. "Waking up to you is a blessing."
You couldn't hide the tinting of your cheeks and the grin on your lips. "I didn't think you were the romantic type."
"There's lots of things-"
"I don't know about you. But I'd like to know those things. If you let me, of course." You bit your lower lip, eyes filled with hope.
"Can I be your boyfriend?" He sat up, his eyes serious.
"I thought you'd never ask."
Okay, so maybe Sasha knew a thing or two when she dared Jean to switch roommates.
You walked into the kitchen after getting ready for the day, with Connie following behind you. Everyone was eating their breakfast, and Jean instantly dashed to you.
"Connie, bro, take me back. Sasha's leaving crumbs all over the bed! I can't sleep like that!"
"I can't, man, I wanna spend the rest of the week with my girlfriend." He sneered and you elbowed him.
"I forgot to mention Jean's overprotecti-"
"Your what? Hands off my sister from another mister, you creep!"
"Creep? You're the one who was sexting someone's sister last night." Sasha chimed in, mouth full of cereal.
"Thanks, Sash." Jean rolled his eyes. "For real, how did this happen?"
"You see, mate, when a man and a woman love each other-"
"Nope. I will not hear this."
#connie springer#connie springer x reader#connie x reader#aot#aot x reader#aot smut#aot x you#aot x y/n#connie springer x you#connie springer x y/n#snk#snk x reader#snk smut#snk x you#snk x y/n#connie x you#connie x y/n
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childhood secrets ~ hannibal lecter;hannibal
word count: 1711
request?: yes!
shady80smusicsingercolor “Hey! Can i request something
Hannibal l x reader
The reader kept her childhood a secret from everyone,until she was watching news about a teen getting bullied,she remembers her childhood and just cries.Hannibal notices and goes run up to her,ask what's wrong.She explain what happen,that her childhood friends used make fun of her,or calling her weirdo.Hannibal comforts her
Hope is okay❤”
description: after hearing the story of a teenager’s tragic passing, unwanted memories are brought back to her
pairing: hannibal lecter x female!reader
warnings: swearing, mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts, mentions of bullying
masterlist
“Did you hear about the Thompson girl?” Zeller asked as we examined some DNA for a case.
“Who’s the Thompson girl, first and foremost?” I asked.
“She was friends with Abigail Hobbs when she was sent to that psychiatric facility,” Price explained. “They were room neighbors I think.”
“Oh! That Hannah girl! What happened to her?”
“Her parents found her dead in her room. Suicide.”
I was so shocked at the response that I dropped the tool in my hand. Both of them looked at me for a moment as I just looked down at my hands. I was trying to calm the growing PTSD rising in me.
“The poor thing,” I finally managed to say.
“Yeah,” Price said. “I think she was in the facility because of mental illness. Her parents put her in there after her first attempt.”
Zeller shook his head. “Poor thing. They shouldn’t have let her check out so soon. (Y/N), are you okay?”
I was still staring down at my hands. They were shaking and it was getting hard to breathe. I could barley register the fact that Zeller had asked me something. They were both looking at me, expectantly.
“What? Yes, I’m fine,” I responded. “I gotta get some fresh air.”
I threw my coat and gloves on a nearby table and quickly raced for the exit. I had to wait for the elevator to take me to the ground floor, but the wait was antagonizing. My chest and throat felt tight, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
When the elevator door opened, I was faced with Jack Crawford, Will Graham, and Hannibal Lecter.
“(Y/N),” Crawford said. “Are you okay?”
I couldn’t respond this time. I had to get out, I had to be away from there.
The breathe of fresh air in my lungs was just what I needed, but I was still feeling panicked. Flashbacks were running through my head, things I had repressed for all those years coming back all at once, hitting me like a freight train. I sat down on the sidewalk, trying to calm my breathing enough to go back inside.
“Miss. (Y/L/N)?”
I looked up to see Hannibal stood behind me.
“I’m fine, Dr. Lecter,” I told him. “You don’t have to check on me.”
“You’re very obviously not okay. You’re breathing is abnormal and you look as though you’ve been crying.”
I felt my cheek and was shocked to find that Hannibal was right, I had been crying. I hadn’t even realized it before.
“I’m fine,” I repeated, but the crack in my voice gave me away.
Hannibal sat next to me. I tried not to let him see my face, but I knew there was no turning back now. He had seen me in the elevator, he saw how unhappy I was at that moment. Any other person would just think I was overwhelmed from work, or maybe one of our discoveries had upset me, but Hannibal was a talented psychiatrist. He probably already knew what was wrong with me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
I chuckled. “How often does that one work?”
“Enough times to keep me employed.”
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Zeller and Price were telling me about a girl that used to be friends with Abigail, Hannah Thompson. She...she...”
“I know,” Hannibal finished for me, luckily. Just thinking about having to finish that sentence made my throat tight again. “I wasn’t aware you knew her so well.”
“I didn’t, but I know...the feeling. Like you’re trapped in your own mind and there’s only one way out of it.”
Hannibal was looking at me, waiting for me to continue but not pushing me to go any further than I felt comfortable with. I wouldn’t have to go any further with my explanation if I didn’t want to, I knew he wouldn’t force me. We could’ve dropped it right then and there.
But my mouth moved before my mind could comprehend what I was sating, “I was the weird girl in school. While other girls wanted to be princesses or astronauts, I wanted to be a forensic scientist. I always had a fascination with crime and forensics and such. At first, I was just an outcast with no friends, until a group of girls took me in and added me to their group in high school. They weren’t super popular girls, but they also weren’t my level of outcast or anything, so, understandably, I was excited.”
“I’d assume it wasn’t as ideal of a situation as you were led to believe.”
I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes again. “They only befriended me so I could be their verbal punching bag. It started mild at first, just some friendly jokes that I could throw back at them. Then they started calling me the weird girl, the freak who liked death and murder. They’d make fun of me for reading stuff about unsolved murders, or even just murder mystery novels. They told me I’d probably grow up to be one of the unfound murderers in those stories. They put me down at every chance they got, but they were the only friends I had so I just...I dealt with it. I even gave up the opportunity to shadow at a police department during my senior year because I was afraid of them making fun of me more.”
“What was the tipping point?” Hannibal asked. “Obviously they are no longer around. I assume either you got rid of them or...they left themselves.”
“A bit of both really,” I responded. “One day, their bullying just got too much for me. My parents never liked the group, so I felt like I couldn’t go to them because they’d just tell me ‘I told you so’ - not because that’s how my parents are but because that was my irrational fear - and the teachers and guidance councilors and principals at school were garbage. They did nothing unless they actually witnessed the bullying first hand, and even then it was always a slap on the wrist punishment. So, I thought...I thought I only had one way out.”
I was still half conscious when my parents found me. My mother’s screams were permanently etched in my head, her sobs breaking through the otherwise muffled sounds I was hearing. Even when I blacked out, all I could hear in my head was my mother.
“They sent me to the same hospital Abigail was in,” I continued, skipping over the nasty parts that I couldn’t bare to relive. “My parents said I needed actual, medical help, that they couldn’t ignore my mental health issues anymore. I was there for months. I met people just like me, people who understood what I was going through. I made friends with a lot of them, and they’re all still in my life right now. My high school friend group came to visit me at one point. They seemed genuine enough with their apologies, saying they didn’t realize how much I took their words to heart and how they didn’t know how dark of a place I was in mentally. I don’t know how true any of that was, but they put on a good act. When they finished their groveling, I told them to go fuck themselves and to never contact me again. They were...offended, to say the least. Apparently they spread rumors about me at school, but I finished my senior year at a different school so it didn’t really matter to me. Went off to do forensic science in college and...here I am.”
For a moment, a look of pride passed over Hannibal’s face, as if the end of my story made him feel proud for me. I guess it made me feel proud, too, but sometimes I kicked myself for sticking around with that toxic friend group for far too long.
“I’ve never told anyone that,” I admitted. “Not anyone who didn’t know me at the time, anyways. I tried to keep it repressed, but hearing about Hannah Thompson...it brought all those memories back for me. Maybe I’m not over it like I think I am.”
“Mental trauma when your brain is still developing is not something one can easily get over,” Hannibal said. “It takes years, and even then those painful memories could follow you to your grave.”
I winced at the thought of having to battle with those memories until the day I died. Part of me was still worried that they would be the reason I would eventually die.
“But it is important to know that your old friend group was wrong,” he continued. “There is nothing wrong with being interested in something that the masses aren’t interested in. I’d argue that being interested in murder and police work is much better than wanting to grow up and be a princess or an astronaut. Your job helps the police to find serial killers and to save innocent people from being their victims. There’s nothing weird about that, not in my eyes.”
I smiled. “Thank you, Dr. Lecter. I think I just needed to hear that when I was younger and...no one really said it to me before.”
“I’m saying it now,” he said. “If you ever feel overcome with those memories again, please do not hesitate to call me. A beautiful and brilliant mind such as yourself should not be worrying over what irrelevant people have to say about you.”
I felt myself blush, but I wasn’t sure if it was from the reassurance Hannibal was giving me, or if it was from the compliment.
“I want to sit out here for a little while longer,” I told him. “I still need some air, and to come down from what happened back there. You don’t have to wait for me.”
“I don’t have to, but I will,” he decided. “I want to make sure you’re okay before I join my collegues again.”
I smiled at him again. I definitely wasn’t about to fight him on staying there with me. Quite the opposite, actually. If there was anyone I wanted with me in that moment, it was Hannibal.
#hannibal lecter#hannibal lecter imagine#hannibal lecter x reader#hannibal#hannibal imagine#mads mikkelsen#mads mikkelsen imagine#mads mikkelsen x reader#imagine#one shot#request#fanfiction#fanfic#fandom
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a meta post for an AU playlist
this post goes out to @swearingcactus for managing to read all of forgotten idols and their intertwined destinies while simultaneously screaming at me. last night was a blast homie, now i've been plunged back into au brainrot, enough to deduce that i still love this playlist. Please, enjoy it as you play it, kids, there's a lot to delve in with my mental illness being projected onto this story. This post contains spoilers from the fic, though if you're planning on reading that fic I assume you can wait until you finish to finally understand the context I'm explaining behind this.
So without further ado, here we go!
The Setlist(TM):
Karma - Sarah Kinsley
Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde
American Money - BORNS
Reset Me, I Was Just A Kid - Nothing But Thieves
Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith
Cure, Gold - Felix Rabito & Saint Dismas
From The Gallows - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME
Body High - Mystery Skulls
Sideways, Primavera - Santana
Misery - Maroon 5
Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth
It Will Come Back, Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier
Sex n' Drugs, Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad
Swoon - Beach Weather
Poplar St. - Glass Animals
Jesus lived in a motel room - HYUKOH
Old Soul - Saint Motel
Enchanted, My Prayer - The Platters
Fly Me To The Moon - Bobby Womack
Excuses - Shakey Graves
Superposition - Young the Giant
Cuz I Love You - Lizzo
1. On Heartbreak/Betrayal and Trust Issues
Karma - Sarah Kinsley | Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde | Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad | Up To No Good - The Hoosiers | Jesus lived in a motel room - HYUKOH | Excuses - Shakey Graves | Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith
Tell me, fortune teller
Will I let another broken heart in?
I think this one holds up an obvious choice of words. We'll be going back to this later on in the essay, but I'd like to preface these lyrics as a way of understanding what being broken, surrounded by broken people does. Bhadra fears that the next person in her life will be broken; crooked, all wrong, someone who would fuck her up in the worst ways possible, as well as also unable to let herself relive the kind of heartbreak she went through as a child. This goes the same for Diego; after the events of part 2 it began to become unbearable to just let himself be. Will he let himself get his heart broken again? Will he let his fears get to him? Who knows.
'Cause I remember the rush when forever was us
Before all of the winds of regret and mistrust
Now we sit in your car and our love is a ghost
Well, I guess I should go, yeah, I guess I should go
This song was honestly too good not to put into this playlist. Aside from the fact this will come back in multiple points later on, this verse specifically highlights the calm before the storm, the multitude of "it's over, this is the past, and I have to move on," details upon details that paint how much the love was still there even if it was going to be gone forever. The death of a loved one will never truly leave when their things still remain, after all. This is Bhadra's acceptance of never getting the time she had hope for Ajay to the fullest extent, for him to be the man that would save her and her country, so she decides, yes: she has to go. She has to move on. At least by the final chapter/epilogue, she finally says a proper goodbye to him and the life that she'd known for the past 32 years of her life.
Yeah, I don't wanna live like this
Where were you when we needed you the most?
I know exactly what you think
So I'll push 'till I see you no more
Diego is tired. He's sick of psychosis, he's sick of the repetition that his life gave him. Where the most important figures of his life were were long dead and gone, he still sees them as hallucinations and delusions, people he thought he was allowed to need were simply there to haunt him. So what does he do? He works it out, unable to take medications at first, goes about his life as El Presidente like it's normal. But then, as Eric and Gary rolled into Yara, he realized something: he wanted to break this cycle. He wanted to break this repetition, this mundanity like he did before, even if his demons sat on his shoulders while doing it. He needed them, lost them, and they came back to haunt him until he couldn't take it anymore.
Words drip like honey dear how sweet it is to hear
But not everything that you are presented is as it appears
So he tells you love you now?
Oh, you think he's looking lovingly at you
But it's nowhere near the truth
Another one for Bhadra's distorted affections for Ajay, but it comes with the price of having to deal with a man blind to his own volition. Bhadra's perception of Ajay prior to his betrayal is a warped one, idolizing and pressuring him to be something that he couldn't possibly achieve as a man on his own. She loved him, Ajay loved her too, but he also ripped her apart and never put her together again.
She asked him, a man she loved, a man who had given her hope, a man who belonged, if he could save her.
In her heart, he says yes.
In his lips, there was silence.
Now time to go back
Ocean of tears
Before the sailing gonna turn back
Now it's the time to go back
My tongue can make or break
Before I slip and realize
There's something about the anxiety this entire song brings. Broken in thoughts, you only ever get Hyukoh's lyrics in this form, a strange poem that gives off the same thoughts-only lyricism from e.e. cummings. It's something that happens when you think fast, when everything goes out of hand, suddenly everything feels far removed from one another and you're just feeling all sorts of emotions. It's what Bhadra feels and thinks every time, she's a fast thinker, but she isn't coherent when you put her out there in the world if you want her to speak what she thinks. This comes from the fact that this is just a constant thing in her life. So what does she do, if her tongue "breaks"?
'Cause I don't have time to fall in love
I don't have time to fall in love
No no no, not today
Maybe tomorrow is too far away
Can I change before my time runs out?
The fear of having to love in both part 1 and 2 are pretty evident, but both Diego and Bhadra can't help surrender to the feeling no matter how much it actually gave them the risk. They don't have the time to fall in love, but as the song goes, they can't wait to either. I think it also complies with the idea that they just won't have it different when they die, you know? So they beg for something different. Something to find love with. In turn, it changes them.
2. Sex and Taste, Who Knew That Was Love's Base?
Sex n' Drugs - Abhi the Nomad | Poplar St. - Glass Animals | It Will Come Back - Hozier | Swoon - Beach Weather | Body High - Mystery Skulls
Born faceless
Please save me
My soul's tainted
It's how I've been born
With the song discussing about how the persona craves sex and drugs (as per the title) I thought it'd be appropriate to center this around Diego's adult life and how sex had become one of his many unhealthy coping mechanisms as he grew older. See, he doesn't use sex as a way to get his feelings of repression out, he uses it as a way of escaping from the things in his head as a substitute for drugs. Dissociating as you have sex just isn't a pleasant experience and chapter 1 of part 2 reflects that in this excerpt. He knows that something is wrong with him, but he just thinks that this is what he has to live with now.
His head may have been on his shoulders, but the further he went, the more his body had disconnected from the frame of reality. It was as if he was looking at a picture of himself, watching a moaning woman getting thrusted into a dinner table, something that should’ve been so thrilling but ended up with something too empty. Far too empty.
I feel like a new man
Red flowers in my bed
Breathe straight through the crisp air
Dead flowers in the sand
If I were to put this in another manner, I would say that Diego coming into the gripes of sex as he gets older makes him into a new man. Petals fall in an image that falls fleeting, he sleeps, in love with sex, but it all dies with him even as he grows to love the woman he sleeps with.
Don't let it in with no intention to keep it
Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it
Honey, don't feed it, it will come back
Well, to put it into more words, it's within Diego's lust. He's happy Bhadra returns the sentiment, but it becomes more apparent that the more they play around, teasing each other in the middle of the war, the harder it is to try killing each other if they actually want each other. Still, when you have a big beefy guy who has rage as hot as the elephant's foot of Chernobyl lusting after you, chances are he might have to know how fucking dangerous (and exciting) it is.
You're my cannibal lover
I feel it when you're underneath the skin
Creepin' in again
Well I know this chemical feeling
Is making me forget about the drugs
You poison with your love
It's pretty straight forward. Love can eat Diego alive, and he knows this when he's literally been poisoned and drugged, lmao. But anyway, it's an addicting thing to him altogether. Falling in love and getting to be involved is scary though, but love was also the reason he ended up having Bhadra in his life. Some things were meant to be no matter how cruel the circumstances were. The fate was intertwined, lmao.
I try to make my baby understand
Move my hands like an analog
Make you forget 'bout every other man
Tell you stories with my body love
If you guys didn't already know, I have a thing for hands. Hands tell stories: they're the catalysts of creation, after all. Diego's hands are damaged from having to deal with the amount of death they inflicted upon people; his hands are wrapped to protect him from breaking his wrists when he punches people, and also so that the blood stains the fabric of the wraps, not his knuckles. So using his hands on Bhadra, he touches her as gently as he did with Isabel, but then takes a swing like he did with Carlos and ends up showing his history of violence with her like Mateo. It's enough for Bhadra to forget about Ajay for a moment, to make sure that he's the enemy she needs to take out, and she knows what kind of man Diego really is with how he uses his body against her.
“That’s my question.” She hissed. In the light of the day, he noticed how her eyes were colored brightly. They shone almost like gold, but upon closer inspection it seemed to have become green.
He tightened his hold on her head.
“You will answer me. You will tell me who you are working with. You will tell me,” Diego said, running his hand down her hair before pulling it up, making her wince as he spoke. “What. I. Need.”
“Or what?” she replied in a harsh whisper. The grip on her head tightened and she was met with a punch to the face.
[...] As Ajay let go of her head, Diego carded his fingers through her hair again and pulled it back, exposing her face. “Aren’t you lucky that your papa doesn’t want to hurt you?”
3. Superstitious Associations and Other Fantasies
Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth | Superposition - Young the Giant | My Prayer - The Platters
I'm dreamin' of all of the possibilities
I'm kissing all over your body, my Nefertiti
And every time I think the planets aligning
You're still so close, but yet so far
Aside from this song being one of those "songs to put a music video into" for this AU, but this verse blatantly opens up something for Diego and Bhadra. I think it's important to distinguish that this song is about not being able to have the love you've given, considering how Bhadra loved Ajay in a way that made her forget what he was, while Ajay loved Bhadra in a way that made him forget who he was. This also goes out for Diego, whose love has been betrayed many times in the process: losing his father thanks to his own fear, and losing someone he wanted so badly to love but ended up killing off because he couldn't drown in his paranoia and be correct about it in the process. Nefertiti is an Egyptian queen, her name meaning, "A Beautiful Woman Has Come", and the fact that Bhadra is brought up as beautiful when Diego first tries to strangle her is what provides evidence for his first instance of attraction to her. We're also bringing this song back in the next point.
It occurred to him that Bhadra was beautiful; it would be a shame to kill someone like her.
But he would do it again.
I don't believe in fate
No psychic vision
But when things fall into place, superposition
In any universe you are my dark star
I want you to want me
Why don't we rely on chemistry?
Why don't we collide the spaces that divide us?
I want you to want me
Basically:
I'll just leave this section from chapter 25.
“Do you believe in fate, Diego?”
Diego blinked. “Why?”
“I just think,” Bhadra said, “maybe there was a reason for us to meet.”
Diego could feel himself smile. He didn’t know why. “To kill each other, maybe.”
“But there’s always more, isn’t there?” Bhadra asked. “We were kids when everything went wrong.”
“And a revolution came upon us.” Diego finished for her. “I think I understand what you mean. What, you think it was destiny?”
“I’m not religious, but there are some things that…” Bhadra trailed off. She let out a laugh, as if disbelieving her own theory. “I don’t know. I could be wrong.”
“Maybe there is a reason,” Diego said, “especially when one of us hasn’t died yet.”
“What do you think it is?” Bhadra asked. He pictured her green eyes on him, shining against the moonlight.
“I don’t know.” Diego admitted, hair draping over his tired face. He wonders if she thinks of him too. He heard a snicker.
“Okay. I don’t know either.”
My prayer is to linger with you
At the end of the day in a dream that's divine
My prayer is a rapture in blue
With the world far away and your lips close to mine
Prayers are always such meaningful actions of worship towards your deities; but to wish and hope for someone to be with you is a pretty big request from the universe. Obviously, both Bhadra and Diego aren't religious people, but they show a curiosity towards it, towards their coincidental situations. As per the excerpt above, it's a simple wish to be close to each other despite everything that's happened to them both. In the end, they could make their own world together.
In each other’s arms, they moved on to a future together.
4. Parallelism is Never Individual
Misery - Maroon 5 | Gold - Felix Rabito & Saint Dismas | Reset Me - Nothing But Thieves | Loveless - Lorde | Still Don't Know My Name - Labrinth
I am in misery
There ain't nobody
Who can comfort me, oh-yeah
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me, oh-yeah
Listen, I know we like to meme a lot on this song thanks to the fucking CPR remix, but listen. I added this song in before it got ruined. As much as this both represents Bhadra and Diego together, I like to lean a little further into Diego's side of the story since he's burdened with having killed people he's cared about for a really long time. It's hard to comfort someone like that when he knew what he was doing. He's trying to pray for something good, something different in that universe of repetition and silence, so he works on it rather than boil in his misery. Unlike Ajay, who carries a thing for being unable to do anything about his pain but take it out on the others around him, but they're both in parallel to that need of calling for Bhadra to pick up the fucking radio, to let her presence be known in their life, to let them know she's okay. It's very evident that Ajay just has nobody to help him in this time, not even Noore.
Of course I swore that next time i’d be better but it was all over before it began, cause i am dying to feel so important that now I can't even become my own friend
I think we can all agree that Ajay's canon motivation for bringing Ishwari to Lakshmana was that he also wanted to do the only good thing he would ever do in his life for her, trying to do right by her one last time as an apology for the lifetime of hell he gave her when she was still alive. Similarly, Diego is trying to do right by his country, to feel important, but in that range both characters end up losing themselves, unable to know remember who they are, but unlike Diego, Ajay suffered the consequence of it.
'Cause what if you reset me?
What if we restart?
What if you reset me?
Before it falls apart
Pretty self explanatory, but I'll expound anyway. You know what I'm happy about? Ros pretty much brought up the parallels drawn between Bhadra and Ajay throughout the story of forgotten idols. The fact Adhrit represents as both Amita and Sabal (honestly gender goals though), Divin represents the innocence of Bhadra, but then you break the cycle as it actually does fall apart. Life is getting better even though sometimes you'll do the same things that ruined your life in the first place.
Bet you wanna rip my heart out
Bet you wanna skip my calls now
Well, guess what? I'd like that
'Cause I'm gonna mess your life up
Gonna wanna tape my mouth shut
For Bhadra? She's blatantly threatening Ajay with this. Isabel falls into this category, even if she means it unintentionally to fuck Diego over. Pain. Smiling through it all.
Still don't know my name
You still don't know my name
And I would die your slave
Ugh, we're back on this song again and I've played it far too many times to count today. This part makes me think of scenes past Bhadra and Diego, really. This one goes out to the trials and tribulations on Bhadra's end, losing Ajay in the process while Noore echoes this. See, I have plans for Noore and Ajay's relationship which will later come to be revealed in part 4 and part 5, but this one pretty much parallels Noore losing Ajay to his insanity. They're losing him, doc.
She wanted for him to be part of that life. She wanted to be together with him for as long as they could have, instead of spending years upon years trying to reach and get closer to him without the burden of Pagan in the way.
5. Childhood Trauma
I Was Just A Kid - Nothing But Thieves | Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier | Old Soul - Saint Motel
I was just a kid
I needed answers
I found a screen
Promised adventure
Just as I thought
I had it all
I pulled the trigger
And nothing happened
You know how the reality of being a child in comparison to the fairy tales of stories always managed to make it suck? Yeah, make it the state of childish innocence, in a state of war and suddenly BOOM, the reality of war sets in! The reality of like, the promises of escape are suddenly slipping through your fingers greatly. I like to believe this revolves around Bhadra, but if we're being honest this also has a lot to do with Diego too. They both thought things were going to change if they had their finger on the trigger.
It didn't.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep 'em on a leash
The boiling point. The culmination of matter. The repression, the anger, and the agony of being alive, it all culminates into one being and it's a taste for violence that gets both Diego and Bhadra riled the hell up. They use it as a weapon after years of having to suffer, and you know what? Good for them, good for them.
'Cause the more I get to know you
Well, the more I feel I knew you
In a lifetime a long time ago
Relatively self-explanatory, but I feel like this scene would suffice.
“I just… I wish that I met someone who wasn’t trying to ruin my life. I’m tired.”
Diego squeezed his fist.
“You will meet them one day.” Diego tried.
Then, Bhadra laughed. “Do you tell yourself that, Diego?”
“I gave up, but you have hope.”
6. It Hurts To Love
From The Gallows - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME | Somebody to Love - Abhi The Nomad | Cuz I Love You - Lizzo
You're beautiful
And evil too
Sinister and vile
For you, I'd die
Or kill myself
Whichever makes you smile
Vibes, man, vibes. It's the cynicism of this song that has me thinking; love is a hard and complicated thing for both Diego and Bhadra, they fear the things that might get them killed but would do it for love (or do it because it's love) in this primarily fucked up way because that was how they were taught to love.
I need something that'll get you out my eyes
Take off my jacket and my tie
I need something that'll get you off my mind
Somebody to love me
Their lives have been intertwined in a way that provides this like, repetition of doing the same shit over and over again. It's time to break that cycle especially when you have no one to love you over it.
7. Yearning For A New Life
Fly Me To The Moon - Bobby Womack | American Money - BORNS | Primavera - Santana | Enchanted - The Platters
Oh, I wanna see what spring is like
On Jupiter, on Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, darlin', I love you, oh
Bhadra snorted, moving to punch him in the shoulder. “You’re annoying .”
Diego laughed, then winked at her. “You love it.”
“I don’t,” Bhadra said, looking away. Diego tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. Then, as Bhadra pursed her lips, she kissed his palm and held the hand close to her.
“I see.” Diego remarked.
He leaned away as Bhadra took a swing at him. Then, he threw an uppercut that she shoved away, kneeing him in the stomach.
As he fell down on one knee, he looked up to find a hand grabbing him by the necktie. Bhadra stood above him, so tall, and so beautiful. He yanked her by the wrist as he hopped upwards, pulling her close as their lips pushed against each other.
The kiss was long, inexperienced on Bhadra’s end— something that made the blood rush through Diego’s veins as he pressed his tongue against her mouth and was allowed to slip in for a moment before they had to pull away.
So take me to the paradise
It's in your eyes
Green like american money
If you noticed Isabel and Bhadra's appearances, you'd probably realize that they bare a resemblance to each other, especially in the eyes. Diego has a thing for brown girls with green eyes, that and the fact the shade of those eyes happen to shift whenever Diego focuses on her. But who's her? Gradually, the chapters where Diego looks Bhadra in the eyes changes from being reminded of Isabel to being reminded of who exactly Bhadra is, and it's an intense one.
Green eyes, dark skin, but a certain stubbornness to that woman named Bhadra made something itch under his skin and he didn’t like it.
[...]
In reaching out to take her by the neck, though, something happened. He saw curly hair, tan skin covered in freckles. He heard a sweet voice overlapping with Bhadra’s, and soft, gentle hands touching onto his callous palms.
[...]
But there was always more, wasn’t it? Something about those green eyes, the color of her skin, there were darker colors in another woman who had a fire lit in them.
Como la semilla
Lleva nueva vida
Hay en esta primavera una nueva era En el aire de este nuevo universo
Hoy se respira libertad
En primavera ya
As the seed
brings new life
there's in this spring, a new era. In the air of this new universe
today there is freedom
in spring already
Another case of self-explanatory lyrics, but I think the part that gets to me is the concept of a new world that Diego and Bhadra step into together once the story comes to a close. This song is real fun.
Living is a dream when you make it seem enchanted
Lovers take for granted all the world's aglow, they ought to know
When you touch a star then you really are enchanted
Find a seed and plant it, love will make it grow
I remember during a depressive episode, I played this song so many times I was drowned out by my own cries as the song just kept going and going and going. I think I just find it to be a good, dissonant song, but it's also a world that Diego and Bhadra find themselves in, being that they're both people who've gone through constant episodes, living became a nightmare until they found someone they could build a paradise with. And yet, within the events of part 1 and part 2, you find that they've lost it prior to the events of part 3.
8. Identity
Teenage Fantasy - Jorja Smith
I need to grow and find myself
Before I let somebody love me
Cause at the moment I don't know me
Something for Bhadra, in reference to this excerpt of chapter 7 of forgotten idols.
To Kyrat, she had been Sakshi Bal. If she was herself, as Bhadra Najjar, this country would have eaten her alive long ago. Nobody else knew her, not even Noore, not even Ajay, for fuck’s sake, because nobody wanted her to stay alive long enough. [...] So today, for now, from yesterday to next week, she was Sakshi— the hero of Kyrat. The fighter for freedom. She made sure of that as she shot down one soldier after another during a package drop in Utkarsh.
#anyway to conclude#yes im insane this took me around 13 hours to write down and my background music had a lot of fuckin labrinth playing#last part is to be edited since this might have to shift with ajay being involved#but yeah to anybody thank you for sticking around for this au its super slay of yall to enjoy my baby my masterpiece my WORK#far cry 4#far cry 6#diego castillo#bhadra#ajay ghale#noore najjar#crazy old tyrant au
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Jung Hoseok
𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧ʲʰˢ
You spent the night waiting for Hoseok to come home from practice, he was working so hard with the others lately you had barely gotten to spend time with eachother lately. Most importantly though, Hobi was in charge of choreography and you understood that dance was his absolute passion, meaning he wouldn't be spending much time at the apartment with you while the boys were preparing for their upcoming tour.
With him being away so much, the two of you tended to struggle with your sex life slightly. You desperately you longed for his touches more than ever and him being away more often highlighted the situation even more than before. You slumped down onto the sofa being exhausted from your day at work. Switching the tv off you wandered upstairs and took off your light pink silky robe, settling yourself into the warm covers of your shared bed. You wanted nothing more than to go to bed with Hobi but you knew practice was more important than your sexual needs, yet you felt slightly selfish for your thoughts of him leaving early for you.
once you had settled yourself in the sheets, a loud ringing noise startled you as you realised it was an incoming phone call from Hobi. Quickly, you answered his call with a slightly tired tone in your voice.
"hello? hobi are you nearly home baby? its 12am you need rest soon." you cooed at him.
"Hi baby, I'm on my way, gorgeous. Ill try not to be long but there's traffic, Ill get to you as soon as I can." he assured you. You slightly felt relived at his assurance yet your eyes felt heavy due to your exhaustion.
"Okay babe, well ill try to stay awake for you then, I'm already in bed." you told him.
"Baby if you're tired go to sleep, im not sure how long ill be okay. I love you my beautiful y/n."
"I love you more Hobi, hurry home."
"I will baby, see you soon."
"bye babe." and the call ended.
Thirty minutes had passed and still no sign of Hobi, you could feel the heat between your legs grow hotter and you clenched your thighs together for friction yet it just wasn't enough for you. you allowed your hand to slip through your underwear and you spread your own legs to feel the stickiness on your fingers. All you wished for was for Hoseok to come home and devour you, yet he would probably be too tired to, so you pulled your underwear back in place and decided to sleep it off. Within seconds you fell into a deep slumber, deep enough that you couldn't hear the door of your apartment unlocking to let Hobi in.
He shuffled into the bedroom almost silently, trying his hardest not to wake you. he watched you from the doorframe attentively, observing your half naked body gently rise and fall due to your soft breathing. He never thought he would be able to fall in love with you so quick, yet when you did the smallest things in front of him, such as cooking, laughing with him, being able to spend time with him and the boys, being silly and sleeping, he felt as if he'd fell in love all over again. the soft smile spread across his face soon felt as he see your bare thighs crossed over while you slept, he knew that once you were feeling sexual you would criss cross your legs to either contain your wetness, or to gain friction.
He undressed himself, stripping his track bottoms and oversized tee and peered over you, he examined your face up close as he pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, followed by kissing your nose and then your lips. "Y/n... wake up for me beautiful." You stirred slowly as you widened your eyes at the handsome man hovering above you, gently rubbing the skin of your thighs, prying them open with his hands.
"You're home?... Hobi what are you doing?" you asked.
"Making you feel better baby, I know you've been missing me hm?" he quickly answered back with a passionate kiss pressed to your lips as you invited his tongue into your mouth, he took your bottom lip between his teeth before he pulled away to regain his breath. your arms wrapped around his neck, allowing him to climb on top of you, only for him to flip you over to make you straddle his lap.
"Hobi the windows open. Let me shut it." You whispered out from above him, pushing yourself off of him. He grabbed your arm to steady you and seat you back down on his hips, refusing to let you get up.
"Don't you want everyone to hear how well you let me fuck you?" He questioned with dark eyes filled with lust.
Totally taken back by his words, you let out a light laugh in disbelief. "I'd rather the neighbours not hear us baby." You said softly, cupping his face and kissing the tip of his nose.
"Let them listen."
Within seconds he reconnected your lips with his own and pulled your shirt above your head leaving your bare chest exposed. The cold air travelled through the window making your skin chill, hardening your nipples and giving you goose bumps along your arms. Hobis warm hands kept your tummy warm as his hands run over your body constantly maintaining heat.
His fingers looped under your lacey lingerie ripping them from your legs.
"No no hoseok!" You whined. "You know they're my favourite pair. I've just replaced them!" Your brow furrowed as you peered down at him, a massive grin crawled across his face.
"And we can replace them again. I'm so hungry for you y/n and I want everyone to know about it."
He kept a hand on the small of your back to steady you as your bare heat rubbed against his hardened cock inside his boxer briefs. You were grinding against him causing too much pleasure to your clit, making your wetness spread onto the fabric that held his cock. A moan escaped your lips but you made sure to keep it quiet, the window was wide open and it made you very weary.
"Don't keep those quiet, y/n. I wanna hear you."
You let out a few soft moans and murmers for him but he still wasn't satisfied. He kept his hands firmly gripping into your hips, leading you to grind on his member with more force, instantly pleasuring you and causing your high to come quicker. His eyes stayed on you, watching your face as you came on his lap.
"Good girl y/n cum on me, I wanna feel you cum on my bulge baby girl."
Your hand slapped against your mouth as you tried to silence your moans, yet Hoseok grabbed it away and made you keep rocking against his cock, overstimulating you causing you to scream out a loud moan for him.
"What did I tell you? I wanna hear you. Don't keep quiet y/n, moan for me."
"Fuck Hoseok..." you moaned out loud enough this time, trying to pry his hands from your hips to stop your overstimulation. He kept rocking your hips back and forth to keep the pleasure on your clit, teaching you a small lesson.
"Listen to me next time baby and we won't have to overstimulate you. Be loud for daddy okay?"
You nodded and escaped from his grasp, your core was dripping wet, oozing down your thighs and you wanted him inside you. You bent over the mattress, pressing your tummy onto the soft linen sheets with your ass held high in the air. Hoseoks eyes widened at you being so submissive towards him, and now nothing was gonna stop him from fucking you until you screamed for him.
"Fuck me daddy, I'll be loud I promise." You whined for him as he grabbed a hold of your waist and removed his boxers before he positioned himself behind you. "Good girl baby." He whispered against your skin as he lent down to kiss in between the dimples either side of your spine. He pumped his cock a few times before entering you, his pre cum was leaking from the tip, soon mixing with your own juices. Instant pleasure rushed over you as you were filled by his hard cock. The moans erupted from your mouth as soon as he entered you, hitting your spot over and over again. Hoseok reached round and began rubbing your clit with each thrust making your sensitive pussy slightly squirt.
"You take me so well baby, I've missed this so much. Missed your pretty little pussy." He grunted in between moans. The tone of his voice was making you wetter as he slid in and out of you faster than before. He grabbed a handful of your hair and craned your neck backward to place an opened mouth kiss on your shoulder blade, you moaned out in pleasure knowing that there would be a mark soon. You loved the way he treated you during sex, if he was rough with you then he'd definitely make up for it after.
The warmth in your stomach began to sink as you unravelled with each of his thrusts getting faster as your pussy clenched around him. "Y/n baby don't do that, I'll end up cumming." He moaned out.
"Good, I want you to cum with me Hobi." You whispered as he gave into you. His strings of white release shot deep inside you as you came on his dick, dripping your juice down his thighs as he grunted your name loud and clear.
"Fuck y/n. That was so good princess." He praised you as he picked you up bridal style and held you in his arms, leaving soft pecks peppered all over your face. You blushed and kissed him back when he eventually got to your lips after kissing your entire face. "I love you, my Hobi." You murmured against his lips.
"I love you too angel. My beautiful girl."
After you two had cleaned up you looked at the time. 2:14am. You were so tired, your eyelids had gotten so heavy but Hoseok was demanding kisses until he fell asleep. He cupped your face as he held you close to his body, pressing gentle kissss against your soft lips as you closed your eyes.
"Can I kiss your lips until I fall asleep?" He spoke out in a low voice to keep his voice down.
"Of course you can baby you don't need to ask. Goodnight Hobi I love you." Were the last words you said before slipping off to sleep.
"I love you too angel. More than you'll ever know."
Unedited
28/3/21
1.8k words
Here it finally is!
This is definitely my favourite one so far🙈
Masterlist
Wattpad - Namparktae for more oneshots ↓
#bts#bts army#bts black and white#btsedit#bangtan#bts fanfic#bts hobi#bts hoseok#hoseok fanfic#hoseok x reader#jung hoseok#bts jung hoseok#bts jhs#jhs#jhs x reader#bts jhope#jhope edits#jhope#jhope x reader#jhope pics#jhope smut#hobi smut#jhs smut#hoseok smut#bts smut#jhope fanfic#hobi fanfic#jhsfanfic
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invisible
zuko x reader pt.1
gif credit: @hadesgal15
a/n
hello lovelies,
sorry i’ve been away for so long i have really missed writing but with holidays starting hopefully i’ll have more time for writing. i’ve been working on this series for a while i think it will be 2 parts but maybe 3 if you guys like it! send in those requests x
- smells x
zuko has always been a mystery to y/n. the way he had that cocky smirk whenever around the women of the kingdom but then a sweet smile whenever he was with his friends.
but whenever y/n was around he was cold, distant even rude treating her as if she was invisible.
she was only a worker at the palace cleaning, cooking mostly spending her time looking after avatar aang and katara.
both of them agreed the way zuko treated y/n was strange.
y/n hastily walked with the tray to aang’s office hearing voices inside she knocked before entering
“yes come in” aang soft voice rung before y/n entered
“well if it isn’t my favourite person” aang smiled at y/n as she placed the tea on the table earning a smile from katara
zuko resting against the wall pushed himself off sniffling a little
“aang, i will discuss this with you later” zuko coughed sounding quite horse, nodding his head at the couple adverting his eye contact with y/n
“zuko are you feeling well? you sound quite sick”katara stated with a furrowed brow pressing the back of her hand to the fire lord’s forehead
“i’m fine katara, honestly ” the fire lord stated waving goodbye to the couple avoiding all eye contact with y/n
y/n let out a saddened sigh before going back to pour the tea
“i just don’t get it, he really seems to dislike me and i don’t know what i’ve done” y/n explained handing katara and aang their teas before the couple gave each other a look
“y/n come sit” aang gestured to one of the chairs positioned around the table to which she hesitated but aang nodded before smiling warmly
“zuko has always been well quite reserved when i first met him i thought he was well an asshole and rude” katara explained a chuckle leaving both y/n and aang’s mouth
“but when he began to truly trust me things he still was an asshole but became better and now he really is one of my closest friends”
“the thing is y/n, don’t give up on zuko just yet i promise he will come around” aang comforted the young girl placing a hand over her own
y/n lay awake in her bed that night tossing and turning, thoughts swirling around her head
so maybe zuko isn’t so bad after all
how am i supposed to get him to trust me?
y/n’s eyes began to shutter close to drifting off to a restless sleep of tossing and turning
she was woken abruptly by a loud bang at her door, quickly jumping putting on a robe and slippers she hastily opened the door
jia one of the maids quite all out of breath looking quite dishelleved
“jia is everything alright?” y/n asked wrapping her robe around her tighter looking at the girl with wide eyes
“the fire lord has become ill he has a high fever katara has asked to please collect cloths from the kitchen and go to his chambers immediately” jia instructed her frantically
y/n sprinted her feet carrying her as fast as she could, arriving at the kitchen she frantically collected the bucket of cold water filled with towels
running the water sloshed in the bucket and thoughts sped through y/n’s head
i hope he’s okay
katara is the world’s best healer
he has to be fine
right?
approaching the fire lord’s room a blue glow illuminated the girls face
katara stood moving her arms gracefully over the large bed a circle of glowing water wrapped around zuko’s body a small gasp leaving y/n’s lips
y/n had never seen him look like this so small, meek and fragile always standing tall and proud
“great you are here, my part is mostly done this a virus so healing isn’t to much help but it does relive a bit of the fever” katara sighed pushing zuko’s hair back her eyes dreary with exhaustion
“katara why don’t you rest i can look after the fire lord for a while” y/n smiled sweetly, grabbing the bucket of clothes moving beside zuko’s resting body
katara yawned shuffling back to her own room, y/n dabbed the sweat off zuko’s face he was profusely sweating and shaking
how can i make him feel better?
y/n smiled beginning to think of a song that her mother used to sing to her when she was ill as a child softly she began to sing
The moon is bright, the wind is quiet,
The tree leaves hang over the window.
zuko began to stop moving his breaths becoming slower, the girl could see him relaxing she began to brush the hair out of his face as she continued to sleep
Little one, close your eyes,
Sleep, sleep, dreaming sweet dreams.
the fire lord now fast asleep had a small smile on his face, one y/n had only seen a handful of times usually reserved for his younger sister or mother
y/n stretched letting out a yawn fatigue beginning to take over looking over at zuko calmly asleep she began to drift off
i’ll just rest my eyes for a moment
when y/n awoke the sun peaked into the room little slithers of lights danced across the room she stretched her arms then began to check on zuko
“fever is down but still there” y/n mumbled biting her lip in concentration pressing her knuckles to the fire lords head
“good to know” zuko croaked out with a chuckle his eyes opening to show his gold orbs
y/n’s cheeks glowed bright red in embarrassment she began to bow with a stutter
“fire lord zuko i apologise for my presence i am not in uniform nor the correct-t, it’s just you were very ill and i was helping katara and then i just rested my eyes and fell asleep in the chair and i” y/n stuttered out avoiding eye contact with zuko glancing up to see a amused look on his face
“honestly it’s fine don’t worry about-t” zuko’s body was wracked with coughs
“spirits okay i’ll be back soon with some healing tea and katara” y/n exclaimed quickly walking towards the door with haste as she put her hand on the handle though zuko piped up behind her
“you know you have quite a lovely voice, y/n” the fire lord said with a smirk
y/n paused smiling widely a tinge of blush on her cheeks appeared before she walked out searching for katara.
#fire lord zuko#alta#avatar the last airbender#team avatar#zuko fluff#zuko imagine#zuko x reader#avatar: tla#zuko x you#aang x katara#zuko fanfic#zuko gif#avatar gaang#kataang#atla zuko
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in this timeline and the next.
“if you could re-do one moment in your life, what would it be?”
with oikawa tooru.
in 2.1k words.
tags time travel au, gn reader, angst to fluff.
For your fifteenth birthday you were gifted with a CD player along with one disc labelled “In This Timeline And The Next.” It sounded like the name of a movie, though you couldn’t put the title to a story. It sat in your closet untouched, until one day, several years into the future, you had the sudden urge to jump up out of your bed after wallowing in it for several days and open up the door of your closet to dig through the old clothes to uncover your old CD player. After a few minutes you were able to find the disc, thanking whatever was up there that it wasn’t scratched.
With dry hands you placed the disc inside the player and pressed the “play” button. Though you could see the disc turning in the transparent cover of the player, you couldn’t hear anything. You stared at it for a bit, never moving your head away from it, until you grew bored and turned to sit back in bed. When you turned to view the crumpled sheets and the littered water bottles spewed about, they were nowhere to be seen. All that was on your bed was a neatly-made blanket that you remember using back when you were fifteen years old, along with the pillow you remember crying on after Oikawa Tooru told you he didn’t have feelings for you. Maybe, if you looked closely, you could see the tear stains that remained.
After peering at the pillow to see if there were actually tear stains, the phone that sat quietly on your desk buzzed. Turning around to see what the notification said, you realized that the room in which you were standing was your bedroom from back when you were fifteen years old. Everything that you had placed in your room, even the anime poster you put up as your other birthday present, was there for you to see, as if you hadn’t removed any of it when you were sixteen years old. You rushed to your mirror, the one with the terrible finger marks and ripped-off stickers placed in the corners, and you audibly gasped. You were you, but back when you were a premature fifteen-year-old who had no sense of style.
You turned your head towards the CD player, the cause of the mess you were in right now, and pressed on the “pause” button. Nothing had worked. You pressed it multiple times, only for nothing to happen. You tried pressing everything on the player, and nothing worked. Groaning out loud, you brought your knees in to hug your legs and began sobbing. You couldn’t go back to the present; you were currently stuck in the past.
Footsteps from behind your bedroom door grew louder, and upon hearing them you jumped up off of the floor and into your bed. You tucked yourself underneath the sheets as you sneakily checked the clock hung up on your wall. It was almost 6 AM, and you weren’t sure if it was a school day, or if you were currently even in school. It could be winter vacation, for all you know, and you couldn’t tell by looking out the window, for the curtains blocked your view. Your heart raced, and you felt like you were fifteen all over again (which you were, but you didn’t want to admit it just yet), not wanting to get caught sleeping in on a school day.
“(Y/N)? Happy birthday, love. Are you still sleeping? Get up, honey, you have school today.” It was your mother. Your chest warmed at her sweet voice. “Make sure you hurry before Hajime and Tooru come so you could walk with them to school.” You jumped up at her notion, completely forgetting about how Iwaizumi and Oikawa used to walk with you to school every morning since they lived nearby.
Opening up your closet, you marveled at how different it was compared to your closet now, as a college student. You wanted to say it even smelled different, the scent of your clothes becoming prominent as you sifted through your clothes to find your junior high uniform. You went to a school close by Kitagawa Daiichi, where Iwaizumi and Oikawa attended as middle school students, and they always felt the need to walk you to school as if they had the responsibility to look after you and protect you, despite being the same age as they were.
As you struck a pose in the mirror, you laughed to yourself. You pointed at yourself in the mirror, looking yourself in the eye, saying, “You’re gonna have the biggest glow-up in the future. Just you wait.” You made your way out of your bedroom, and you looked all around your house. It shocked you at how much the decoration around your house hadn’t changed, which was a stark contrast from your completely different bedroom. As you entered the kitchen, where your mother cooked her own breakfast, you gave her a side hug, to which she gasped in amazement.
“Oh! Well, this is something different. Are you feeling ill, love?” Your mother asked.
You shook your head. “It’s nothing. Just wanted to greet my mom a good morning.” She chuckled at your response. You turned and grabbed the first thing you could find on the counter of your kitchen and made your way out the door, bookbag in one hand with your food in the other. “I’ll see you later; good bye! I love you.” She called out an “I love you, too!” as you exited the house.
In perfect timing, you saw Iwaizumi and Oikawa, walking side-by-side towards your house. Iwaizumi raised his hand, waving at you, while Oikawa kept his in his pockets, looking away from you.
It was the same scenario several years ago, when the night before, you had called Oikawa on your phone, whispering into the microphone so as not to wake up the other members of your family, telling him that you were possibly in love with him, and that you were afraid you might fall even more deeply than you already were. You had hoped, on that night, that he would say yes and become your boyfriend, as it would have made the best birthday present you could ever ask for. However, he said that he didn’t have feelings for you, breaking your heart for the very first time. You cried yourself to sleep that night, and woke up with swollen eyes. It was not a good day to start your fifteenth birthday.
The following days, Oikawa and you stopped talking and soon enough, the two of you fell apart as friends. Your mutual friend was Iwaizumi, who read the room and decided not to plan or do things with the two of you together. Your high school life was also awfully awkward, as you three went to Aoba Johsai together, so you saw Oikawa often. You had to admit it was painful for you to see Oikawa being the icon of the boy’s volleyball team, always having girls by his side. By your third year, though, the two of you had grown so distant that whatever he did passed through you like old news. When you graduated, some remnants of Oikawa remained in your mind, but he left for good when he moved out of the country to continue volleyball professionally.
So now here you were, once again reliving your past. Perhaps it was for the better; for you to change your past and create a future that could have happened. You caught up to Iwaizumi and Oikawa and greeted them both a good morning. Iwaizumi cheerfully greeted you back, and the other remained silent.
Usually the three of you walked together, side-by-side with you in the middle, but today Iwaizumi walked in the middle, understanding why without having to ask. It was an awkward walk, but as you arrived at the crosswalk where you part your ways from Oikawa and Iwaizumi, you grabbed onto Oikawa’s wrist before he could leave your sight.
“Wait, Oikawa-chan. Can I say something?” you asked. He stayed and listened intently, silently letting you continue. “I’m— uh, I’m sorry about last night. It was something unlike me to do, and I hope we can continue to stay friends even if I have feelings for you and you don’t for me.”
Oikawa smiled, and embraced you. You hugged him back, breathing in his scent. When the two of you pulled away, he kept his hands on your arms as he promised you, “I’m really sorry about last night as well, (Y/N)-chan. We’re always going to be friends, no matter what.” Before you left for your school and he left for his, Oikawa turned to you and added, “Oh, and happy birthday, (Y/N)-chan. Sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I hope you have a good one today.”
You parted ways with him, and a strange feeling never left your chest for the rest of the day. It kept a smile on your face, and butterflies rose up a storm in your stomach. It was entirely different than how your fifteen-year-old self handled the situation, but you were glad that you were able to make amends with Oikawa.
When you arrived home from school later that day (which, you weren’t going to lie, was a little difficult as you forgot most of the material you learned), you noticed that the CD player you were given was no longer on the floor but now sat at the corner of your desk. Perhaps your mother had placed it there. You sat on the chair, pulling yourself up to view the player again. You observed it all over, and when you checked the bottom of the player, you saw words scrawled hastily with a black permanent marker.
“IF YOU COULD RE-DO ONE MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?”
The message was an eye-opener. You had just re-done one moment in your life that you regretted, and maybe it was going to change your future. You pressed the “play” button of the player and the disc began turning underneath the transparent cover. A couple seconds later, the phone on your desk buzzed, and as you looked over to see why it was buzzing, you noticed that your desk had changed back to how it was in the present. Everything was back to normal, you thought as you looked around your room. Turning your head back to face your phone, you picked it up to see something you would have never expected to see light up on the screen in front of you.
“Tooru is calling…”
You answered the call, and from the other end came Oikawa’s sleepy, raspy voice. “(Y/N)-chan, is that you? Good morning…”
Your chest grew tight and your stomach was doing flips. Did you really change the future? It couldn’t be true. “Good morning…” You weren’t sure whether you should refer to him as Oikawa or Tooru, but your contact name for him made it seem like you could call him Tooru. “Good morning… Tooru. Did you have a good rest?”
“I did. Isn’t it the afternoon for you right now? I… I think it is. Good afternoon to you, (Y/N)-chan. I miss you. I think I’ve said that too many times now, hahah…” He chuckled a little bit as you sat in shock. He missed you? Even after years of no communication with him? Or perhaps you actually did change the future, and you were able to start a relationship with him.
“… I miss you too. I’ve missed you for the longest time,” you replied.
“I’m glad, (Y/N)-chan. I miss you so much. Well, I have to get out of bed now. Practice is in a bit. I’ll call you back when I’m free. Bye. I love you.” He hung up before you could say anything else. The two of you were in a relationship, and you couldn’t help but plant yourself down on the desk in front of you and let your face warm up at his words.
He loved you. After what you had done that seemed like only hours ago, he finally had feelings for you.
You opened up the player to look at the disc labelled “In This Timeline And The Next,” and you picked it up out of the player to observe it carefully. You noticed that grooved into the disc there lay almost invisible words that made your mouth open slightly.
in this timeline and the next …
… i will continue to love you
reposted from my old blog, @/lnarizakis.
#haikyuu x reader#hq!! x reader#oikawa tooru x reader#oikawa x reader#hq oikawa x reader#oikawa fluff#haikyuu fluff
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1-3: Turnabout Transfix (2/2)
The article in the paper under the list of missing persons had the wrong name before "Wright, age nine," and a lump formed in Miles's throat.
"That's not his name," he tried to say. It came out as a croak. "We told them his name was Phoenix. I know we did."
Ray, sitting beside him at the dining room table, looked disgusted but defeated. "They added it as a footnote," he pointed out. ""Responds to Phoenix"... Nick's not a dog."
Miles wanted to hunt down every copy of the paper and throw them all into the trash can. His best friend was missing, and people were calling him the wrong name because he wasn't there to stop them. It wasn't fair.
Miles looked to Ray as though he had an answer to right this horrible injustice. Ray looked as tired and frustrated as he felt, chewing on a thumbnail as he thought deeply.
"We can head down and talk to them," he offered, after a long pause.
That was what Father would have done. He would have marched right down to the office where they printed the paper and demanded a retraction. But nobody was going to take a freshman law student and his newly adopted nine year old seriously.
"It's worth a try," Miles responded, because a defense attorney should never give up hope.
⁂
Staying up late to scrutinize the series he already knew by heart for clues of some sort was a mistake, and Miles knew it. His eyes began to droop only partway through the season as Maya snored against his side, and he was vaguely aware he was becoming less and less alert every time he had to pull his head back up from his chest.
It didn't occur to him that he shouldn't be letting himself doze off in the presence of company.
His sleep was never restful. Every night, his subconscious was forcibly yanked back to the day everything changed.
Some nights, he found himself reliving what he was certain was a memory. The dialogue never changed, the action never shifted. A heated argument in the elevator, a foolish bid to stop it, a single gunshot, and that horrid, high-pitched wail of agony that he knew belonged to one of the people he'd lost that day.
Other times, he dreamed not of his father, but of Phoenix.
Those dreams changed, but they remained the same nonetheless. Whether running through the streets with Larry, or through the backyard of his home, or through the hallways of the courthouse, the same thing always happened - Phoenix disappeared. Maybe he ran too far ahead, or lagged too far behind, but Miles's friend was suddenly nowhere to be found, and he felt painfully, crushingly alone.
His subconscious had decided to grace him with the former that night, and when he woke up with "father" on his lips and sweat on his forehead, a rumpled-looking Maya was staring at him in undisguised concern.
"...are you o--"
Miles turned away from her and said nothing, effectively stopping the conversation before it began.
Maya was silent, and when Miles glanced back over, her gaze was fixed on the television, which was still playing through the old episodes of Steel Samurai. She lacked the enthusiasm they both shared for the show, however. She seemed deep in thought.
"...you don't wanna talk about it?" she asked quietly.
He and Uncle Ray never talked after nightmares. One would get up to find the other in the kitchen nursing a cup of tea, and silently join them, knowing the other was thinking of the same thing but not having the courage to voice it aloud. Saying it gave it form, and Miles refused to shed any more tears over something he knew full well was his fault.
"No," Miles responded, sharp and blunt all at once.
"You wanna talk about something else, then?" Maya glanced sideways at him. "I used to talk with Sis after I had nightmares. It helped get my mind off things."
Miles hesitated. "Something else sounds nice," he said quietly.
"How about court today? Prosecutor von Karma was hopping mad, huh?" Maya let a grin stretch across her face as she leaned towards Miles. "She looked like she wanted to tear her hair out. Or maybe yours."
"That woman needs to see a therapist," he muttered.
"I think we all do, My."
"...you've got me there."
⁂
As the trial wore on throughout its second day, Sascha von Karma continued to act stranger and stranger. Before the judge could reprimand her for being far too harsh with the witness, Cody Hackins faltered and lost the confidence Miles had been working hard to build up about his witness account, a terrified look in his eyes. To his surprise, von Karma went ashen and actually stumbled back a little, like she hadn't meant to push a little boy nearly to tears.
Honestly, with her disposition, Miles wouldn't have thought she would care. But here she was, clutching her side, eyes blown wide with something like fear. Something in Miles's stomach turned over. Was he actually feeling sympathetic for this ferocious woman?
But it wasn't just him. Mia beside him (that had been a jolt to his nervous system -- he hadn't been able to see her clearly the last time Maya had summoned her) had her brow furrowed in concern as she stared at the prosecution. "I haven't seen her make a face like that since..."
Miles glanced at her. "Since... what?"
"...don't worry about it. Focus on the trial here and now, Miles." Mia gave him that mysterious smile that meant she was withholding important information from him. He knew it well. He huffed at her, and she huffed back.
Despite Mia's testimony, von Karma had that same look on her face as Vasquez took the stand the next day, wide eyes flicking between the witness and the defense bench. She was strangely silent, not offering a single protest as Miles proceeded with the cross-examination.
But he couldn't afford to wonder about it. Vasquez was clever and tight-lipped, and his attempts to wring her testimony dry and find something to pin her down were fruitless. She and the judge had both gotten irritated at this point, and when Miles hesitated, scrambling to find some point he hadn't pressed, the latter decided he'd had enough.
Miles cursed inwardly as the judge raised his gavel. Vasquez adjusted the pin of her shawl, self-assured in her victory. This was the end. He was prepared to accept defeat.
He couldn't have possibly prepared for what happened next, however.
"OBJECTION!"
Miles jerked his head up. Beside him, Maya gasped in surprise.
Across the room from him, left arm outstretched in a frantic point, was a frazzled, trembling Sascha von Karma.
She stared blankly at her own hand, as though it had moved of its own volition. Then she jumped - actually jumped - when the judge demanded to know the meaning for the interruption.
"Right! Uh. Um. The reason I objected," she babbled, "is because... uhh..."
It was the least composed Miles had ever seen her. He was bewildered. What did she think she was doing?
"...I don't have a reason," she admitted, shoulders slumping.
"Er..." The judge blinked owlishly at her. "Very well. Now--"
"OBJECTION!"
The poor judge looked as baffled as Miles felt. "Miss von Karma?"
"I... I request that the witness testify again!" she blurted out, digging her fingers into the desk. She looked disheveled, stray hairs having slipped out of her ponytail to poke out at a very odd angle. "I, um... I want to hear about... the, uh..."
Vasquez snarled with impatience. "Why are you badgering me? I'm your witness!"
"I'm inclined to agree!" the judge added. "I see little point in making Ms. Vasquez repeat herself..."
Miles looked at Maya. Maya looked at Miles. What?? Maya mouthed at him. Miles shrugged helplessly.
von Karma floundered. "Uh... yeah... great point... ummmmMMM! I want to-- I wish to hear about the body discovery! What happened after you found it?"
That hadn't occurred to Miles. But what could that possibly reveal? And why was von Karma risking sabotaging her own case by asking after it? She practically had the win in the bag, and after Miles had humiliated her so thoroughly after their last clash in court, she had no reason to let this continue.
What was going on?
⁂
The relief of a not guilty verdict and the butterflies of being in such close proximity to Mr. Powers yet again were a powerful combination that filled Miles's mind with fuzz and forced out any less important thoughts, like von Karma's odd behavior or Maya tugging on his coat.
"M-My! Hey! Miles! Kilometers! Little My!"
"H-Hrm?"
Maya pointed to somewhere behind him. "I, um... I think you're in trouble."
Miles turned, and flinched when he found himself nose to nose with a furious prosecutor.
"You," von Karma snarled, "should not be expecting a repeat performance of today! You're lucky I took pity on you! You got that?!"
Her voice raised to a yell as she spoke, and her burning eyes pinned Miles where he stood. He leaned away, but she just leaned forward.
"Don't you dare be expecting a shred of mercy from me from now on! You may be the son of that loathsome excuse of a defense attorney, and the favorite of that voluptuous wretch--"
Now, Miles was not going to sit there and take that. "You should never speak ill of the dead, Miss von Karma," he snapped, straightening his spine and making her flinch away. He met her glare with all the intensity he could muster...
...and then paused.
How curious.
"Wh... What? What is it?" von Karma's hastily plucked brows furrowed as an edge of nervousness worked its way into her voice, and Miles realized he'd spoken aloud.
"Your eyes," he continued hesitantly. They were heterochromatic - one brown, one blue. "They reminded me of someone. An old friend."
von Karma inexplicably blanched. She looked distant for a moment, and her left hand dug into her right side, just below her ribcage. "You... wh..."
Then she shook herself, and that boiling anger was back full force. "Why are you getting all nostalgic on me, you-- ugh! You listen closely, Ed... E-Edge..."
Again, she went pale, looking ill. Miles was starting to worry after her health at this point, despite the fact he was in the middle of being screamed at. "Er..."
"You... you listen closely, Worthless!" She thrusted a finger up towards him, nearly jamming it up his nose with how close she was. "These eyes... you'll see them and know nothing but despair once we meet again, you hear me?! I'm going to crush you, and I'm going to enjoy it!"
Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heel and stomped off, seething.
Maya coughed weakly. "Uh. Wow. What was that all about?"
Miles stared after Sascha von Karma, his gut clenching with inexplicable grief. "I have no earthly idea."
⁂
You failed again.
You can't even blame him this time.
This is all your fault.
Victory was within your grasp.
All that matters to a von Karma is perfection.
And yet you gave him an opening.
A von Karma should be swift and merciless.
You're weak. He's gotten into your head. You can't stop thinking about him.
Even his name makes you sick.
Miles Edgeworth...
...
...why does it feel like you're forgetting something?
#ace attorney#roleswap au#turnabout transition#long post#collab writes#collab draws#collab doodles#miles edgeworth#maya fey#mia fey#phoenix wright#dee vasquez#the judge#raymond shields#misgendering#misgendering tw
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Contamination
Here is my Chapter 10 rewrite. I hope I did it justice.
Synopsis: When Charlie makes a chilling discovery about Senator Farrugia’s illness, lives are put at risk...
Chapter 16 of the “With and Without” series
Previous Series: “A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey”
Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlotte “Charlie” Greene)
Words: 4.7k
Rating: T (language)
That morning, the sun was bright. The world was good, and Charlie was happy.
Ethan woke her with a kiss and an offer of coffee, but she refused and bought a steaming cup from the coffee shop a block from the hospital. Before her shift began, she cozied up in Kyra’s hospital room, and together, they laughed like they didn’t fear it would be the last time.
“So, what did you get up to last night?” Kyra asked, eyeing Charlie’s latte with envy, “And if you tell me you watched Netflix from your bed, you need a better life.”
“I actually didn’t go home last night,” Charlie admitted cheekily, and to her delight, Kyra reacted with scandalized enthusiasm.
“You’re kidding?” Kyra leaned closer, eager for every little detail, “You have to tell me everything.”
Charlie would have – even who it was with – but she didn’t get the opportunity. Her gossip stood no chance against Bryce’s authority.
“It’s time,” he announced, knocking on the door belatedly with a solemn stare. He was smiling, but it was more resolved than happy. He was ready for surgery, not goodbye.
Charlie promised herself not to cry, so she hid her flash of concern in the act of straightening her white coat. Her eyes were sad as she took Kyra in, but she refused to say a word. Kyra was ready, and Charlie didn’t feel right adding any crack in her armor. She loved her friend enough to take a deep breath, smile, and hug her good luck.
“Give me all the sordid details tonight,” Kyra demanded.
“Every single one,” Charlie affirmed, “Even the parts you don’t want to know.”
This made Kyra laugh, and that was enough for Charlie to feel compelled to keep her promise.
As Charlie walked out of the hospital room, she came to Bryce’s side, and in all seriousness, she said, “Take care of her, Lahela.”
“If I mess up, the only person that will hate me more than you would be me,” Bryce gave a single, concerned glance in Kyra’s direction. It was the only one he allowed himself for the day, and once it was over, he assumed his bravado by adding, “Besides, look at me. I don’t even know how to make a mistake.”
Charlie rolled her eyes, but she felt safer with Kyra in his care. She wished them both a bit of final good luck and a goodbye, and then she walked out.
And as she walked away, despite everything, she felt light – like everything would be okay, like this story had a happy ending.
It was the last time she would feel that way for a long time.
Charlie started her shift with rounds and scheduled her patients so that she could squeeze in time to check on Kyra’s surgery from the observation room. She wasn’t even thinking of Senator Farrugia when Danny approached her.
There wasn’t much to think about. After Charlie discovered his lead poisoning, her most difficult patient was finally off the agenda. Instead of bothering the diagnostics team with questions or observations, he stayed in his hospital room, making calls, taking interviews, and answering emails. He was so busy trying to monopolize the publicity that his difficulty manifested in his refusal to follow his treatment plan if it didn’t suit his schedule for the day. Listening to him work made Charlie’s stomach churn. Every day he stayed in Edenbrook was another day that he exposed a new, corrupt facet to his personality. More than once, Charlie and Ethan stood outside his door, wondering if stealing him from Mass Kenmore was worth it.
“Charlie?” Danny approached her, a test result in his hand, “I have the results from Senator Farrugia’s paint samples. You marked them as urgent.”
Charlie briefly abandoned her charts to accept the results, but when she read them, her face twisted with confusion.
“Are you sure these are the right results?” Charlie asked distractedly, reading the paper over and over again as if it would change the contents.
“I double-checked,” Danny affirmed, wearing a matching look of bewilderment, “They’re right… I don’t know how, but those paint samples tested negative.”
That wasn’t the answer Charlie wanted, but she trusted Danny too much to doubt him.
If it wasn’t the paint, what could be poisoning Senator Farrugia?
Charlie thanked Danny. With a heavy sigh, she collected her charts and walked to the diagnostic’s office for further research.
So much for her break…
Charlie didn’t know where to start, so when she logged on to the computer, she ran a general search for the senator. She flagged anything about trips or notable habits, looking for any clue of contamination. Most of this information had already been studied during their preliminary search, but at that time, they weren’t looking for lead. Even under the new lens, she was able to throw out most of the news stories.
The further she went, the less clear it became.
Senator Farrugia lived in a new, high-end condo in D.C. The area had no reported lead problem, and the building was too new for lead paint or lead pipes. She had already called up all of his regular haunts in the capital, and none had any helpful information. His life in Massachusetts was limited to his office, his home, and the farmer’s market he frequented for publicity. None were insightful.
She searched the internet until Farrugia’s name had the title Mayor preceding it.
Charlie stumbled on a story from a decade earlier, when 3 died from lead pipes poisoning the water supply. She made a note to test his pipes in his home, and she clicked on the article for more information.
That was when she saw the photo of 13-year-old Jonathan Perry. The young boy was smiling for his school picture, all braces and excitement. He was the youngest victim of the lead poisoning, and there was something eerily similar about his pale skin and thin features. And the name…
Perry.
Like Travis.
On a hunch, Charlie googled Jonathan Perry. There wasn’t much to find – his old social media page, which was full of messages of condolences after his death, a news story about his middle school soccer team’s victory at state, and an obituary. She clicked on the sparse obituary. In lieu of flowers, the family requested donations for the local children’s hospital. They also used the same school photo as the newspaper article used.
Charlie skimmed the article, making an effort to remain doubtful.
But she knew.
She knew before she even read the last sentence.
“Jonathan Perry is survived by his parents – Deborah and Samuel Perry – and an older brother, Travis.”
Charlie’s blood ran cold, and she read the sentence again.
The second the thought – the horrible, terrible suspicion – crept in, Charlie jumped up and rushed to the senator’s room.
Charlie spent years reliving these moments. All in all, it was ten minutes at most, but they were replayed so many times that each second was accounted for. Charlie found every “what if” until they each tortured her.
What if she hadn’t rushed in? What if she had waited? What if she called Ethan and asked him what to do?
What if she just let Senator Farrugia die?
Would her friends still be alive?
Would she still be haunted?
But on that day, at that moment, she had none of those thoughts.
She just needed to get to Travis before something terrible happened.
Outside of Senator Farrugia’s hospital room, she found Bobby Gunderson, the security guard, talking with Raf about his upcoming move to Brazil. They were happy. They wouldn’t be once she spoke to them.
“Have you seen the senator’s assistant? Travis?” Charlie interrupted their conversation frantically. She looked between them both for a reply, though Bobby was really the only one who knew Travis. He had been assigned to Senator Farrugia off and on for the last week, and his dislike for the senator was matched by his disinterest in Travis. He never laughed at Bobby’s jokes, and Bobby took that as a sign of flawed character.
Bobby, understandably, was the one to answer Charlie. He looked startled by her, and she began to wonder if her anxiety was visible.
How could it not be?
She was on her way to confront an attempted murderer. She wasn’t prepared for this. She was terrified of being too late but also facing him at all.
“He’s inside with the senator,” Bobby replied, hoping that he would get an explanation in return. She didn’t immediately offer one.
“The weasel-looking guy? He was acting weird,” Raf chimed in, equally concerned by Charlie’s strange demeanor. He knew her well enough to know that he had never seen her like this.
He’s inside.
Charlie’s heart rate accelerated. The blissful morning turned sour, and every passing second felt more serious, the consequences direr. The stakes were higher now. Charlie felt young and inexperienced as she tried to do all the right things.
Nothing prepared her for this. She suspected a man of poisoning her patient. This was a man she had known for weeks, one that she had commiserated with over long nights working on Farrugia’s case. He seemed friendly and helpful. Now, he was dangerous. And he was on the other side of the door, potentially close to another murder attempt.
The moment she heard that Travis was inside, she started walking to the door. Panic clouded her vision until all she saw was Travis and the senator and that door. Turning to Bobby, she said, “Bobby, we need to call the police for a suspected poisoning and attempted murder of a public official.”
Bobby’s face dropped, and wordlessly, he joined her as they barreled for Senator Farrugia’s door. He radioed the call in immediately.
As Charlie twisted the handle, she didn’t notice Raf walk in with them. For a long time, she wondered if she would have stopped him if she would have noticed, but she likely wouldn’t have. And even if she had told him to stay away, he wouldn’t have listened.
The hospital room was calm and quiet, save for Ed Farrugia’s typing on his keyboard. Danny was at the end of the bed, perusing Ed’s chart and making notes in the top corner. Travis was closer to the senator, standing right next to Ed’s bed as he fished through a backpack Charlie had never seen before.
Once the door opened, Charlie’s anxious energy flooded the room, and all three looked to the group in surprise. Everyone was looking at them, but Travis’s eyes stayed on Charlie.
“Dr. Greene?” Danny asked, confusion evident in his voice.
“What’s going on?” Farrugia echoed, pausing his typing.
Charlie didn’t look to either of them because she never dropped Travis’s stare. She watched realization dawn on him, and his brown eyes filled with understanding. He almost seemed to revel in it, like he wanted to stop hiding. Like a curtain falling to reveal the light, cruelty was exposed, and it made Charlie shiver.
At that moment, she had no doubts about Travis.
She knew he was guilty, and she knew he was dangerous.
“Mr. Perry, we would like to speak to you. If you come with us, we can resolve this quickly,” Bobby’s voice was authoritative now. It was a little intimidating, even. Travis didn’t flinch.
“Dr. Greene, are you sure?” he was still looking at Charlie.
She felt disgusted by his attention. He made the question seem intimate, like they were in on some big secret. Never had her name sounded so vile.
“Officer Gunderson asked you to step away from the senator, Travis,” Charlie was firm and her gaze resolved. Travis’s face hardened.
“Why?” Ed asked incredulously. He didn’t like being kept in the dark, and he certainly didn’t like the tension in the room. He had a virtual interview in fifteen minutes, and he didn’t need the distraction.
Travis knew that he had been discovered, so with unreserved harshness, he turned to his long-time boss and answered, “Probably because I’ve been poisoning you.”
As angry as he looked, Travis seemed relieved with his admission. Ed gasped and instinctively jolted away from his aide as he mumbled a weak, “W… what?”
Bobby moved towards Travis just as Ed decided to get away from him. While the senator scrambled out of his bed and hurried towards the door, Bobby held out his hand, expecting to apprehend the young man as he said, “Alright, come with me…”
Travis didn’t even look at Bobby. All he saw was Farrugia running for the door.
In a wild panic, Travis reached inside of his bag to retrieve a black canister, and he brandished it as a weapon, pointing it to each and every person in the room as he demanded, “STOP!”
Everyone obeyed.
They had never seen a canister like that, but the way Travis held it commanded fear and trepidation. It appeared sinister, even from across the room.
Travis looked at them all but mainly Ed as he screamed, “Stand back! I mean it!”
Farrugia, who had almost escaped before Travis’s threat, took one cautious step in the direction of his aide. He didn’t come too close because he wanted the option to run. With his hands up in a pleading gesture, Farrugia urged Travis, “Travis… think about what you’re doing. Please…”
“Think about what I’m doing?” Travis repeated with disbelief, “What do you think I’ve been doing for all these years? From the moment we met, I’ve only been thinking of this.”
Travis waved the canister in Ed’s direction, eyes growing hard as his finger curled around the trigger.
“Travis!” Charlie interrupted, startling him just enough that his grip on the trigger lessened.
She couldn’t hear her thoughts for her heartbeat. She hardly remembered how to speak, let alone what to say. Her eyes kept drifting back to the canister, which was still dangerously aimed in her direction. She felt it watch her, like it was preparing for something horrid.
She felt everyone watch her.
And as Travis granted her his attention, the pressure prickled at her skin.
“This won’t bring your brother back,” Charlie said gently.
“You think I don’t know that?” Travis scoffed, “I will never get my brother back. I’ve lived with that since I was fifteen, and that knowledge destroyed my family. It destroyed my parents, and it destroyed me.”
His finger was back on the trigger, his hand shaking with the concentration needed to keep from pulling it. One slip and they would all find out what made Travis so confident in his weapon.
“Travis, let’s talk about this,” Charlie begged, refusing to look at the canister and instead looking for some sliver of humanity left in her opponent. If she could just find the right words, she could end this.
She could save everyone in this room.
She truly believed she could. Charlie believed in the world. She believed that tragedy and pain had an end. She believed that happy endings could be found if you worked hard enough.
She believed she would walk out of that room traumatized but otherwise unscathed.
She was wrong.
“No,” Travis refused, almost laughing at her, “There’s nothing to talk about. If I leave this room, I’m going to jail, which will be the end of it. And Dr. Greene, you don’t know the details of this story, but I’ll tell you how it ends. Ed Farrugia doesn’t survive.”
Travis surveyed the hospital room. He eyed Farrugia, who was just waiting to be out of his line of sight so he could run. Then, he looked to the four bystanders who had wandered into his plan.
“It’s unfortunate that four others will have to die as well,” Travis mused.
“It doesn’t have to end this way,” Charlie was shaking. Something was breaking inside of her. Maybe it was hope that they could leave this room, or perhaps it was faith in all that was good in the world. She begged for his humanity, but it felt too distant. “Please, you don’t want to hurt us. You don’t even know us. Travis, we have nothing to do with this. And you know you’ll regret it. Please.”
Travis offered a sympathetic shake of the head, “Charlie, you didn’t have to do this. You could have let him die. You know who he is. You know what he does. You know that his policies kill people. Don’t you see that you’re complicit? Not just in what I’m doing but in what he does!” Travis frowned in disgust, “You could have stayed quiet!”
“I couldn’t do that,” Charlie managed, fear gripping her so tight that even small words were shaky and uncontrolled.
She had lost control of herself. She had lost him, too.
Travis shrugged, “I hope your conscience is enough for you, then.”
Everyone knew they were in a final hour, that whatever was coming was so close that it breathed down their neck.
That was why Bobby stepped forward.
“Dr. Greene is right,” Bobby asserted, “Come with me before anyone gets hurt.”
And this was what Charlie lived a thousand times over – until she recounted the sound of Bobby’s step on the linoleum towards Travis and the inhale of Rafael to her side as he held his breath. It was never any less painful to experience the moment before it all unraveled. At best, it was numb. Today though, it was blisteringly agonizing.
Bobby reached for Travis, but his grip wasn’t strong enough. Travis pulled free, and without a thought or a word, he pulled the trigger on the canister. An aerosol gas released in a puff in Bobby’s face. There was a horrible, aching strangling sound as Bobby fell to his knees. He coughed violently, choking on the gas and his own breath. He gargled and thrashed in pain until he was on his back.
Charlie moved towards Bobby, but Danny made it there first. Instinctively, he pressed his fingers to Danny’s artery in his neck. An oily sheen covered Bobby and spread to Danny’s hands.
“Charlie, he’s going into cardiac arrest!” Danny yelled, already beginning the chest compressions.
They didn’t have time, and they didn’t have the equipment. Charlie belatedly realized that she was screaming into the hall for equipment, but she never finished the sentence. She was running to Bobby when she came face to face with Travis, who wielded the canister in her direction. She froze, the words dying on her lips.
“At least I’m not the only one with blood on my hands,” Travis sneered, and he began to pull the trigger.
In the split second before the gas was released, Charlie couldn’t move. There wasn’t time to run, not that she really thought to. Her vision was clouded with tears, but she could see the barrel pointed at her. And for it was worth, she accepted her fate.
She didn’t want to die, but she knew she would.
And for her last thought, she wished she had told Ethan that she loved him.
It wasn’t her last thought, though.
“Ahh!” Charlie cried as she was shoved to the side. She fell to the floor in an uncoordinated heap, and she looked up just in time to see Raf tackle Travis to the ground. They landed with a heavy thud, and Raf scrambled for the canister.
What followed was blind panic.
Gas filled the room as they fought for the canister. It spilled out of their grasp, and spinning in the middle of the room, it coated everyone but Charlie with a layer of oil. Charlie coughed as it infiltrated her lungs, burning and stabbing as it went.
Danny frantically tried to resuscitate Bobby as Raf fought to subdue Travis. Charlie, coughing through the mist, caught Farrugia sprint out of the room and heard Travis scream in response. The scream was guttural and garbled, and it was the worst noise she had ever heard.
Clambering to sit up, Charlie looked around the chaos and tried to find the place to help, but she couldn’t. She was startled still, watching as everything fell apart.
“What was that?” Raf demanded, slamming Travis against the wall.
“I don’t know!” Travis pulled free, only to vomit into the trashcan. Raf raged until he was consumed with a cough.
Danny’s efforts to save Bobby grew weak as both Bobby’s situation grew worse and Danny’s strength gave out. Danny pulled his hands away, examining them, and he breathlessly expressed his horror, “My… my hands are covered… I’m-I’m covered.”
Charlie shielded her eyes from the sight, tears streaming down her face as she hid from the terror and distress of her dear friend.
Her gaze landed on the door, and she knew what she had to do. Crawling on the linoleum, Charlie’s back was to the plight, but she felt it every second. It consumed her. It cemented her and demanded everything until she could give nothing. She couldn’t feel it now. She engrossed herself with her mission and shoved her trauma and her pain and her fear and her guilt out of her mind.
Charlie reached the door just as Ethan could be seen in the window. He walked towards the room with the innocence of a man who didn’t yet know that the world was ending.
Charlie wanted to run to him. She wanted him to save her.
But instead, she slammed the door closed.
Ethan’s confusion settled into surprise and concern, and with each step, he felt it mount. By the time he reached the door, he was terrified. He watched Charlie’s face – stained red from tears and eyes bloodshot. She shook, and he saw her ragged breath as she struggled against a burning cough.
And he pulled on the door handle, but she was holding it shut.
His Charlie.
His Charlie is not okay.
He pulled on the door harder, demanding to be let inside. He had no reasonable thought, only a visceral instinct to protect her and save her from whatever horrors were inside.
“What is going on?” Ethan pulled even harder, but she focused all of her strength in holding that damn door shut, “Let me in, Charlie!”
“Shut down the wing,” Charlie ignored the pain in his eyes. She ignored the way he stared. She ignored that he loved her, and she pretended she didn’t love him to spare herself.
If she opened the gates now, she didn’t know what would come out, and she didn’t know if she could do what needed to be done.
“Charlotte!” he jiggled the handle desperately, banging his hand on the wooden door like it might give way if he tried hard enough.
“Travis has tried to kill the senator with an unknown gas. We have no idea what it is, but Farrugia escaped,” Charlie felt empty as she tried to stay calm. Calm meant ignoring everything, yet she cried. She hesitated, and she almost cracked. She almost fell into the pit and lost herself in the sorrow as she said, “Bobby went into cardiac arrest after getting a blast of it to his face. Danny and Raf have been sprayed with it, and I breathed it in.”
Ethan stopped jiggling the handle, his hand slack.
He didn’t want to understand.
He wanted to break the fucking door down.
“We can’t risk it getting out of this room,” Charlie hadn’t lessened her grip on the door handle. She wasn’t sure if she could. She was bonded to her station. It was all she could do to maintain control.
It was all she could do to try and save someone.
Because the someone didn’t get to be her, or Bobby, or Danny, or Raf.
But it could be Ethan. It could be anyone on this hall.
She had blood on her hands, but it stained less if she could help someone else.
Ethan’s world slipped through his fingers, but he watched her instead. Everything – nor rather nothing… it was gone.
And he ached. He burned. He suffered.
He couldn’t remember kissing her in bed this morning and slipping her out of his apartment before his dad woke. He couldn’t remember making dinner with her or wandering Boston with Charlie on his arm and Jenner on a leash.
He only saw her now. Crying. Sick. And pushing him away.
“You’re right,” Ethan whispered breathlessly and helplessly.
He was broken, and she couldn’t look.
A sob was building in her chest – a body-wracking, heartbreaking, life-changing sob. She swallowed it and fought the air to keep breathing.
In the room, Danny and Travis were vomiting. Raf comforted Danny and glared at Travis. Bobby, perfectly still, was alone now.
Charlie found an air vent, and in it, she found her next distraction. With her back still turned to Ethan, she pointed to the vent and said, “Raf, I need your help to seal that!”
She opened every cupboard until she found plastic and tape, and Raf found a pair of scissors for her to cut it to size. Raf offered her a boost, and he lifted her up to tape it off. Once he let her down, she came face to face with him, and to her surprise, she wanted to scream at him.
She couldn’t believe how fucking irresponsible he had been! What the fuck did he think he was doing endangering himself like that? Why did he have to save her? Why?
But Danny was wheezing, and Charlie didn’t yell at Raf.
Charlie fell to Danny’s side as he leaned back against the hospital bed. His face was ashen white, and every breath was labored and pained. He tried to speak, but the effort was too hard. He only managed to say, “I… I don’t feel…” He paused, and his head fell back.
“It’s okay, Danny,” she whispered and took his pulse. It was weak and slow.
A lump formed in Charlie’s throat, and she squeezed Danny’s hand as she repeated, “It’s okay, Danny.” He weekly squeezed her back.
Charlie had to look away. When she eyed Bobby, she was on the edge of collapse. She felt everything and nothing, and one felt dangerously close to consuming her. Yet, hesitantly, she crawled in his direction.
Before she even touched him, she knew she wouldn’t find a pulse.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t heartbroken when it wasn’t there.
Raf followed her, and after a diligent attempt to find Bobby’s pulse, he grimaced.
They sat in silence, too many words to say to even begin speaking. The finality and grief were palpable.
They hadn’t saved Bobby, and they never would.
Charlie covered her mouth with her hand, holding her breath until the world might make sense again. It never did, and she exhaled in defeat.
Her limbs felt heavy, like a thousand atrocities now sat on them.
She was convinced that the world would never seem the same.
And she wanted to cry, but she didn’t. She couldn’t yet. Maybe not ever.
“Did you get much on you?” Raf asked finally, his eyes still on Bobby.
“Not much,” Charlie answered. She didn’t ask about Raf because she knew he was covered. He was relieved she didn’t mention it.
Charlie looked back to the window, where Ethan was on the phone. Behind him, she could see patients and employees evacuate, and she tentatively met his gaze. Face twisted with sorrow, Charlie nodded solemnly in Bobby’s direction.
Ethan understood, and it knocked the wind of out him.
Bobby was a good man. A colleague and a friend.
And he had been exposed to the same thing Charlie had.
His rookie. His Charlie. No.
Ethan pulled the phone away from his ear, and approaching the glass, he announced that the CDC was on their way.
“You’ll be okay, Charlie,” he promised, and trying not to panic, he affirmed, “All three of you. You’ll be alright.”
He said it because it had to be true.
It had to be.
He couldn’t lose Charlie, not like this. She couldn’t leave him when he’d just found her. This kind of thing doesn’t happen. And it doesn’t happen to her. It doesn’t!
And it won’t. And it won’t hurt her!
Anyone else but her.
He didn’t care if it was the senator. He was sad if it was a colleague. He was pained if it was a friend.
But it wasn’t her.
He didn’t know how to breathe. He didn’t know how to talk. He knew how to work, and he knew he needed to save her. That had to be enough.
His darling, wonderful Charlie.
He told her that she would be alright because it had to be true.
But Charlie didn’t believe him.
note: I probably should have spent more time working on this chapter, but it came out in one emotional sitting so I decided to share it.
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