#if you take shit this seriously and verbally abuse people every time you play a game then you need to get the fuck off
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Here’s my gaming hot take;
im so saddened, and sick and tired of the fact that so many games are being flooded with chuds who want to turn everything competitive and don’t know how to fucking have fun
“I only play to climb ranks/win for a team/will scream insults if you aren’t in a clan” thats fine and dandy but you keep joining matches and staying in matches with like 9 other players who do not give a flying fuck and would rather not deal with your howler monkey ass screaming at the top of your lungs when you die once and decide to rage quit. Most people don’t care about your K-D or the fact you’re in some superficial and stupid clan full of other fragile egos. Learn to have fun instead of compensating for the fact you never bothered to practice anything else to become skilled in and can’t make your parents proud of you with literally anything (and thus screaming at others to take it out on them).
And I hate the fact that devs, sometimes much to their own detriment, are trying to cater to the merry little band of shrieking donkeys by gearing up all their shit for just that and trying to pretend the casual crowd isn’t there
#its like the whole difficulty setting thing with how many wanna launch into the whole we have NORMAL AND SUPER HARD AND LEGENDARY#and mock the people who chose normal still and pretend they're a niche batch of cry wimps#but the reality is normal was still the highest played shit but you gotta poke at your core base to look cool to the loud posers#hell even EA went over their one new games when the chuds were pretending the hardcore mode was more popular than super easy#and saying super easy should be taken off#and turned out there was 10% more playing super easy than the hardcore one which had a whopping small 4% of players#not that either should be removed but its the same concept of shit flinging to try and appear cool and awesome#and meanwhile they just eat their own foot#but anyways im sick and tired of just hearing these fucking asshole rambo wannabes#and if they all just died out and never had to hear one scream obscenities into the mic and verbally abuse others i would be happier#especially with the pathetic crowd who do this with co-op games of all things#like what was the point of shouting slurs and saying everyone ruined everything because you ran off on your own#and got killed by a boomer in l4d2#if you take shit this seriously and verbally abuse people every time you play a game then you need to get the fuck off#if dying in a game once reduces you to punching a wall or breaking a controller/keyboard you need to get the fuck off#and you desperately need to learn better ways to cope with your life because normal people are NOT like this
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Alistair vs. Cullen
It really annoys me when people act like Alistair and Cullen are the same character, when they are very different.
Alistair grew up with child neglect. When visiting Denerim, Eamon kept him in the kennels. At Redcliffe, he slept in the stables on a pile of hay. Alistair also recounts a time when he was locked in the dungeons for a day before someone came to get him out. And of course he also talks about how Isolde despised him, and “made sure the castle wasn't a home.” But is still convinced that Eamon is a good person and he deserved all that.
Cullen had a very fortunate upbringing with a loving family who supported him and what he wanted in life.
Alistair never wanted to be a Templar; he was forced into joining the Order by Eamon. He is vocal about how much he despised this, and considers Duncan recruiting him for the Wardens as “saving” him from them. The only thing he says he enjoyed about Templar training was the educational component, which he did not receive previously. Alistair was a poor recruit because he frankly did not want to be there, and therefore did not take it very seriously. He saw practices like the Harrowing as horrifying, and deepened his dislike of being a Templar further. And as time goes on, he becomes even less of a supporter of the Order; he outright says Meredith is the biggest threat to Kirkwall in Dragon Age II, if made king of Ferelden.
It was always Cullen’s dream to be a Templar, and would even force his younger sister to “play the apostate” for his “training” before being recruited. Cullen was an enthusiastic recruit who considered Templar training “all that he had imagined”, and “did not hesitate” in taking his vows. Even the Harrowing did not waver his devotion to the Order, which by Dragon Age II becomes downright fanatical and tyrannical, practically worshipping Meredith. (Though this was later attempted to be retconned in Dragon Age: Inquisition… just as poorly as all the other retcons in that game, taking the path of “just pretend he never said and did all those things!”)
There is a lot of dialogue from Alistair about how much he dislikes the Chantry. Cullen, on the other hand, is extremely faithful and the only criticism he ever has about the Chantry is that they don’t treat the Templars well enough.
Alistair has a good sense of humour—in fact, it’s one of his biggest coping mechanisms. Cullen wouldn’t know a joke if it hit him in the face.
The player can disagree with Alistair on every turn. He is presented as sometimes being right, and sometimes being wrong, like most people. (Side note: more than that, you can be downright verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to Alistair. Holy shit, I didn’t even realize how bad it can get until reading through the dialogue in the toolset, because I’ve never picked those options in game. I was honest to god flabbergasted and very uncomfortable through much of it.)
The player rarely has the chance to even mildly disagree with Cullen. On the rare occasion you do, the dialogue is painted as if the player is being an unreasonable asshole, and he never even addresses what they say. (Example.)
The only reason I think people are capable of mistaking them for another is because fandom likes to donate Alistair’s personality onto Cullen. That and the the ever-frequent whitewashing of Alistair doesn’t help matters. But I’m not even a Cullen fan and I think it’s a disservice to both of them to act like they’re just Alistair and Alistair 2.0, honestly.
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Honestly…blitzø is an ass, indisputable. He is an ass to people. Seriously.
But and this is a huge but—-if someone says “I feel like I’m being sexually used and I don’t want a relationship with you” that does not make someone an ass whoever says it. No matter who they say it to. Jesus Christ Viv what are you thinking.
If someone makes you feel that way, that’s valid, they’ve obviously done something bad to you to make you feel that way and you are never bad for expressing that. And you never owe someone a relationship, not reciprocating feelings doesn’t ever make you a bad person and you don’t owe someone who has hurt you “a shot”. Abusers give shit apologies all the time and get mad when you don’t believe them. Someone who actually cares, and who has actually changed, will give you the space to express how they make you feel, consistently be patient, reassuring, and gentle with you. And not take any lashing out too personally. Stolas however got criticised once and died. Threw him out. Screamed back. He doesn’t really realise he’s done anything wrong, he only cares about himself.
It’s like Viv learned nothing from Bojack, on TV, love is grand opulent gestures like stolas possessing agent 2 for Blitzø (despite verbally abusing him afterwards) his spectacles in grandiose songs of longing, and this crystal thing. No. That’s not real love, the real stuff is loving someone at their lowest. Standing by them and giving them space. Like when they’re sniffling through tears and rip off their hat revealing their broken horns and yelling at you in pain. That’s real love. You have to do it everyday.
I don’t care how many violins play while stolas cries like a teenager for the millionth time over this shit, and sings his fourth.goddamn.song. responding to someone saying “I feel used, like you just use me as a sex toy, that’s not a real relationship” by kicking them out of your home, instead of apologising for making them feel that way, and saying they won’t do it anymore, is equivalent to a spoiled brat throwing a toy out of his play pen because it didn’t do what he wanted.
I imagine dhorks and cherubs attacking him is the narrative punishing him for the rejection, and showing him “you’re nothing without stolas” how disgusting. Weird that fizz is apparently not mentioned at all despite the fact there would be no crystal without fizz. Doesn’t stolas have any feeling of “hm I wonder why Asmodeus changed his mind?”
Damn the Stolas Stan Blitzø haters will be insane ☹️ (nobody hates Blitzø more than stolas fans) buuut at least Blitzø fans and Octavias fans will have something to bond over…and we’ll all have ptsd from blocking angry stolas pfps on Twitter
This. Thank you for this. Blitz could be ten times worse than he is now and what Stolas did to him would still be disgusting.
Also, do you know what actually was love? Pre-Murder Family Instagram Stolas doing little things for Blitz because he knew he liked them. Instagram Stolas worrying himself to death every time Blitz was sick or hurt or in danger. Instagram Stolas becoming motivated to draw more because of Blitz.
Stolas giving Blitz a crystal to give him the option whether or not to have sex with Stolas, after a year of not doing so, might show some moral growth on his progress, but it sure as hell isn't love.
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I just read the most hilariously extremistic "Charlie breaks up with Vaggie and leaves her for Alastor" fanfic ever (or at least its initial few chapters since the later ones focused on Charlie x Alastor only)
Tw: Vaggie abuse, defacement of chaggie
Everything was just the paragon of the "we hate a lesbian character for being in the canon pairing instead of a male character we love so much" genre:
- demonizing Vaggie to the point where her anger problems are simply an unrealistic caricature, meaning she attacks everyone around her like a crazy banshee and even tries murdering the two hotel clients eventually (wtf totally OOC) for humiliating her in front of the others
- during their break up Charlie is shitting on Vaggie verbally for the latter being "too angry and unsuportive" and then going off on her way to trust Alastor who's mocking the princess every chance he gets and is openly sadistic to others. Instead of you know just talking to Vaggie about the issues bothering her, like, through calm and reasonable speech, before it's too late? Nope, too healthy of a behaviour for this version of our beloved princess of hell. Charlie instead chooses to conceal her worries all the time and then, during that one moment when minor inconvenience with Vaggie attacking the hotel guests occurs (seriously, plenty of sinners murder each other in hell! And your gf IS a sinner. What did you expect gurl), Charlie rants about how her gf isnt a perfect angel, then plays a victim card and ditches her gf for a demon who's a known serial murderer. Totally hypocritical and groundless. Canon Charlie is in no way that fucked up;
- Alastor torturing Vaggie and le manipulating her into not telling on his attack on her to Charlie while of course peppering her with insults and giving the so called "jerkass has a point" lecture to convince her how she was trying too much to protect Charlie, was holding her back, and how that was what led their relationship to its downfall (while uh hello that's what partners do? Protect each other? How is that holding someone's back). And guess what. Vaggie actually falls for his manipulations that would've never work on person like her, and obediently acts all guilty and miserable right in front if him. Lol. The author dumbed her down so much too. After Alastor harms Vaggie physically (in very graphic details), she just succumbs to his plan and doesnt even try telling Charlie about that. Just like that: no motivation, nor is the manipulation tactic that well written or thought out. Vaggie is forced to suffer and be devoid of any help or support because the author needs it to happen. Because apparently this version of Charlie wouldn't care about Vaggie at all, and wouldn't believe her, like, take her word for what the latter could claim happened (Charlie is a mf princess of hell and Lucifer's daughter, why not just use her connections or magic to see into the past for the evidence of Alastor abusing Vaggie or some shit), or protect her, regardless if they are in a romantic relationship or not anymore (after all, this Charlie said "let's stay friends" after she broke up with Vaggie)
Just... why do people in this fandom still create shitty plotlines like these. The answer is obvious
I could easily visualize the author jacking off to Vaggie torture porn he truly dedicated a whole ass few chapters to as a way to have at least any sort of revenge on lucky chaggie fans who got their pairing to be canon much to the toxic part of charlastor fans' dismay. Looks like those particular chalastor lovers just can't go through one creative process without HAVING to belittle and destroy Chaggie as a way to praise charlastor. Such saltiness
Why not... avoid mentioning the charlie/vaggie relationship in your work at all. Try making them friends to begin with. Or you could break the girls up in a more dignified way, like emergently sending Vaggie to heaven or something. Ooor you could be honest with your readers and put "vaggie torture porn" in your work's tags so Vaggie fans wouldnt have to abruptly stumble across all the above mentioned scribbled filth when checking out your fic
Idk, charlie/vaggie AND charlie/alastor in the tags for the same one fanfic is sometimes a huge red flag. Watch out for those
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Ok so I love your work (started watching 911 so I could read more of your fics lol), and I completely agree and empathize with every one of your posts about how the show has handles Jamie’s arc. This may be a bit messy but! Here we go,,
My dad is also shitty, like Jamie’s, and my mom has done so so much to protect me from that, again, like Jamie’s. I don’t talk to my dad anymore and probably never will and I certainly haven’t forgiven him and probably never will. The past couple episode really did a wee number on me (read: had a lil break down, we’re totally good tho ahahaha 😬👍) and led my mom and i to have some difficult conversations about forgiveness and the role it does or doesn’t play in our healing and growth and what not. And to put it short, the space you cultivate here on tumblr was really really helpful for me, both in processing and identifying why the episodes hurt and also in being able to verbalize and communicate it with my loved ones. Being so vulnerable is hard and sucky and I know you’ve gotten shitty asks, and I’m really sorry for all that. So,, I just wanted to thank you for being so open and genuine on this lil website, and let u know it means a lot
(on a lighter note i am so excited for like ever ted fic u are working on—the kid fic, the same story, this new fix-it—just ahhhhhhhh can’t wait!)
ahhhhhh man i am so flattered you like my work so much (i'm excited for those fics too!! been making a lot of progress with all of them and the 3x11 fic just hit 12k so full speed ahead on THAT) and i appreciate so much you taking the time and willingness to write this out and send it to me
those last couple episodes were rough for that, and i didn't have an easy time with them either. i'm so sorry you had to see that messaging for what i'm sure is the millionth time in your life - it's a horrible thing to be told over and over. but i'm also so glad you were able to communicate with the people in your life about it and that i could play even a little part in helping that happen and giving you space where those feelings are validated and you aren't alone in them is just.... man <3 i'm really glad that my choice to be open about my feelings on that stuff and why has meant something to somebody. you're right, it's a scary and difficult thing to talk openly about some of the rougher stuff i've experienced, and i've had people say some shocking things to me because of it, but it's all completely worth it for this. thank YOU, seriously.
we're coming up very shortly on what's going to be the seventh anniversary of when i went no-contact with my father, which is something i needed to do for my own safety and peace of mind and heart, after an attempt at reconciliation that went badly for me. without personal and societal pressure from people i knew, broader culture, and a lot of media narratives, i never would've let him back into my life in the first place, because it sure wasn't what i wanted. and even now, the rest of my family - who have all decided to welcome him back into the fold despite some reprehensible shit that ruined my life - is on me regularly, trying to push me into reversing my decision and speaking to him again. i've been lectured about forgiveness a lot, and stuff like the stuff we just saw just. never helps. there is only ever one story about people like us, and it's always our abusers' happy ending. never a moment considering maybe ours might be different.
anyways. seriously. thank you for this. it means a lot to hear, more than i can say. i'm really proud of you for everything you've done to protect your peace and keep yourself safe and have a good, safe, happy life away from him. that shit is so, so hard, even without the world around us constantly trying to make it harder. so in case you don't hear it enough, because none of us ever do, i'm really, really proud of you.
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I'm probably never going to go back home
. . .
I know I'm probably never going back home but, and on top of the fact I am waiting for this alien agenda to happen this alien apocalypse do I think it's going to happen no to all the ignorant people of the world they deeply believe it won't happen they they see the alien Grays as the ultimate mythology they see it as fantasy most people talking about the alien Grays are taking it seriously as Christians talking about angels.
. . .
And after all that I've said on the internet it's just really hard to have experiences most people don't believe about and not look schizophrenic it's really hard almost everyone has been abducted by aliens to talk about their experience immediately looks schizo in the eyes they went around them and nothing they say can make it any better once he's saying things that people don't have any faith in you're automatically crazy in the general public eye.
. . .
Once you say things that are taboo you're crazy it doesn't matter if the government says you're not crazy it doesn't matter if a psychiatrist says you're not crazy if the people hear things they don't like you're crazy or racist or sexist you're just an outcast.
. . .
! BUT ! ! !
. . .
Did you know in Fairyland or high World which really is did you know that I have a female try to manipulate a man by shaming them she get her head ripped off or she be dragged away brutally murdered Feary women don't tolerate that kind of Shit.
. . .
Other almost anything you could get a woman really murdered by another woman, women know that women are really good as psychologically destroying and damaging a man's mind and they understand when a woman becomes extremely toxic verbally towards a male she's going to make that male toxic unstable and a poison to the hive.
. . .
So what the females of the highway do is if they caught a male being abused psychologically by a female they would gang up on her because the females would release a pheromone a protective angry pheromone that let other females nearby know even betas to execute this intruder, or she would be treated as an intruder or a betrayer of a hive because yes I know women of the high play extremely rough with males and they do eat Us in Romance.
. . .
But once a male becomes toxic and hive because of a female the male goes insane.
. . .
But none of the females can use its energy its body becomes poisonous to everyone and they cannot eat it at all it will kill them it's bodies chemistry changes with its mood but then again that can be said about every single thing out that's alive that's connected that has a Actual spirit inside the body which is all being's Alive.
. . .
Plus the females know that the males the workers of the hive the repairers of the hive they have the looters of the world to give back to the hive if the mail goes crazy other males will go crazy too and cause a domino effect of males going insane rebelling against the hive losing their, Shit !
. . .
Insectoid women know they have to be extremely careful with their femininity they can easily turn the mail Ultra toxic and the male goes berserking a hive although we don't have the strength the women do by any means and when they get angry they're like a hundred times stronger.
. . .
We males are very capable of figuring away how I can we can burn down the hive and kill everyone inside.
. . .
The women know that once the men go crazy The Hive is doomed.
. . .
The women know once the men lose it and their spirit is gone and they no longer want to be of this world once they know that a man has been spiritually beaten to the point where it's going it is done it's like a zombie in a way and it goes crazy that's when the women realize they have to kill the other female.
. . .
And they have to ultra apologize to that male and try to give it as much pleasure and joy and happiness but above all healing as possible which is usually a beta's job but the alphas are the ones that get things done.
. . .
So the alpha female or an alpha female will basically take the male and try to comment love it nurture it mother the living Shit out of it.
. . .
To get the male back in the right state if the mail does not get back on the right State The Hive have to work harder or leave it alone for a while because the male is precious the mail is Holy the male is Sacred without the male there is no Hive without the male There is no Fairyland.
. . .
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Blaming the DEA for the adderall shortage does nothing
I am in my 20s and have been diagnosed with ADHD since 2008. Taken stimulants since 2008 with brief periods of trying nonstimulant medication in hopes of not needing to take stimulants anymore. I’ve been on adderall since 2016 and never had an issue obtaining my prescription until the past few years. Now, I blamed the DEA at first. Couldnt fathom why they wouldnt just raise the fucking quotas. Surely it isnt a supply issue. But as time goes on I honestly understand why more and more. Not to say I agree with it or LIKE having the stress I get every month, nor am I saying the dea is blameless here- seriously, they certainly arent blameless, okay? Dont take this to mean that.
But in large part this is because of the original, extremely loose standards surrounding an adhd diagnosis in, say, 2000-2005. Kids could get a diagnosis and a prescription for doing shit that normal kids do. Not wanting to read a book. Wanting to play outside. Normal kid shit. There were a substantial-though perhaps not a majority- of parents who obtained a diagnosis for their children like so despite knowing that their child did not have it. There were multiple reasons for this, though from anecdotal accounts it seemed more common for kids aged 12-17; whereas parents with children under 12 years old seemed (again, anecdotal, not statistical) to be seeking that diagnosis as an easy answer.
Prescriptions were booming and the kids were predictably not getting better after being given adderall- in fact, many were WORSE, unable to sit still entirely, having been given an amphetamine that just boosted their energy and didnt help with focus at all.
Following the realization that this was because a lot of kids that were prescribed adderall and diagnosed with ADHD did not, in fact, actually have it, the measures for prescribing and diagnosing ADHD were significantly tightened up. One requirement I recall is that an in-person visit and evaluation was required before any diagnosis or prescription for adderall. This would continue until COVID, when they declared a state of emergency. This allowed people to bypass the usual requirements for obtaining adderall and an ADHD diagnosis- so, no in-person, lengthy evaluation and comprehensive exam with a questionnaire, puzzle-type things, and verbal questions with open ended answers.
At the same time, as COVID quarantine extended beyond the original short-term that people were expecting, people were realizing quarantine fucking sucked. It is hard for ANYONE to work at home as they normally would at the office. Flexibility is incredible at home, but people were going stir crazy. And many attributed that stir-craziness, either validly or less so, to undiagnosed ADHD. ADHD became “trendy”. Platforms like Done would advertise on tiktok and twitter with little videos about how easy they make getting a diagnosis, how quickly they can get you adderall, how its all online. How with quarantine in place, it can get you where you need to be, easily diagnosis within an hour, a prescription within the week.
As a result, as shown by this graph (somewhat), there was a significant jump in adderall prescriptions for young adults aged 22-44.
I dont know and cant say how many of these are attributed to misunderstanding normal human behavior with ADHD, as opposed to valid diagnoses. I can say this: Adderall is not a joke, and abuse of adderall, people seeking diagnoses because they just want the drug itself, thats not uncommon. Its not uncommon for any drug. The DEA will not risk another drug crisis after crack, and especially during the fentanyl crisis now- and not to mention, tranq on the rise.
For that reason, I think blaming the DEA is a fruitless endeavor. We should be focusing on things that we CAN do. One idea I’ve had is, maybe we could make nonstimulant medications the first line of treatment. Wellbutrin, for instance. Nonstimulant medications tend to work much better prior to having any stimulant medication treatment for ADHD anyways. And bringing back the in person evaluations and lengthier diagnostics. I really do understand the classism arguments made about that requirement. But I think its honestly necessary. It is much harder to “fake” or “exaggerate” ADHD symptoms during an hours long in person evaluation, than it is to do so on an unmonitored, five question quiz and a 20 minute zoom call.
Taking adderall without needing it is not only selfish, but also, harmful to others AND yourself. Heart issues, anxiety, lack of appetite, and the “focus” doesnt work the way it does in people with ADHD if you take it without needing it. Not to mention, longterm stimulant use in someone without ADHD, when that person stops taking it, withdrawal symptoms from it can look remarkably similar to actual ADHD. Then we get stuck in this perpetual cycle. And frankly, Its not fun to wake up and see posts from people who made fun of me for my ADHD in elementary and middle school, suddenly glamorizing their own sudden onset ADHD and posturing as though theyve had it all along. Especially when I know theyre the ones contributing to the stigma that not just me, but many people face today when trying to simply… get the medication we need to do work at an even remotely functional level. And even more so when I know that shit is why doctors are hesitant to even recognize an adhd diagnosis as valid anymore. They see any adult with adderall now as the epitomal pill pusher, pill seeker, addict that just got a fun little upper to stay up and be energetic.
So yeah. Dont just blame the DEA. It is people too. Its people you know, sometimes even your friends.
And, you can acknowledge the bad ones without dragging the people with valid prescriptions and true intentions through the mud. So if this post doesnt apply to you, i promise im not talking about you.
#adhd#drug enforcement administration#actually adhd#adhd problems#adult adhd#living with adhd#adderal xr#adderal ir#stimulants#drug misuse#fake diagnosis
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What are some very important life advices that you know ?
'aight this is gonna be a long one -
As opposed to what motivational gurus might tell you, a lot of people are in fact happy working 9-to-5 jobs. Everyone doesn't want the same things from life. Many people prioritise having a good work-life balance over hustling, and you shouldn't feel like you have to achieve spectacular things to make your life matter.
I don't think "school doesn't matter" is the full story. School might not matter for you if you choose a career path where what you learnt in school or the grades you got don't play any role. But it will matter if the path you need to take to pursue your goals requires you to have good grades. Also, what you learn in school might lead you down some interesting paths. For example, being good with chemistry could allow to be better at running a makeup production business someday.
Keep Your Life Private. Now i don't mean don't have social media and just don't let people know anything. But keep your decisions, your thoughts, your next step. Stay under the radar because once you are on the radar, it can be very difficult to get off it. Keep it private until its permanent. We don't want bad juju. For example- if you are applying to universities and everyone is explaining which ones they have applied to and discussing and judging and commenting. Once you got into the Uni of your choice go ahead post that shit if you want to !
Don't gossip about your relationship with your girlfriends like you can talk about something with your best friend but don't tell everyone about your relationship, your fights, etc. Keep your relationship private but don't hide the fact that you are in one.
If they verbally abuse you, they will physically abuse you. if they physically abuse you, they will k-word you. it's not a matter of if, but when. Read that and read it again. it's true. they're not gonna change. you can't fix them or help them heal. don't believe a single promise they make because more often than not they will break it.
Don't send him nudes. I would give the same advice to anyone, no matter how long/ serious the relationship is and especially if they don't feel comfortable doing it. There is no way for you to predict how your relationship will develop. I'm not saying we should always think the worst about someone, but what if you break up and he will want to take revenge by posting the pictures on social media? Or even if you don't break up, but someone else (his mother, his best friend etc) finds those pictures? Or if his phone/ email is hacked? There is always a risk when photographing yourself unclothed and even bigger one when sending those pictures to someone else. He cannot ensure 100% safety. So unless you don't mind the idea of your body becoming public knowledge, don't do it.
Stay unplugged and disconnected from the society for at least 1 week every 6 months. How? Probably go camping without any technology or gadgets with you. Eat, sleep, make out, make love, read stories, read books (not kindle, actual books!), tell stories, make up stories, talk about the universe, talk about time-travel, talk about aliens, talk about sex, talk about interstellar, talk about anything, cuddle up, make out again, sleep, wake up again, watch the stars, make a wish on a falling star, do something impulsive, explore each other, or just explore your inner-self (if you're alone).
All those people you see around enjoying all their success, have worked really hard at some point in their life. Don't agree?! Just stop reading and think for a moment. Remember all the opportunities that you missed and all the bad performances of yours, how many of them you could have been better at, had you worked a little harder, a little more dedication and focus from your side was all it demanded.
Stop giving a damn about what people think of you. Seriously, just be who you are. Random strangers really don't give a crap about what you do, what you look like or what you say. You are not being watched every time you step outside.
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Part Five. "You guys gossip about boys without me?"
warnings: swearing, mentions of emotional abusive/manipulation
word count: 3.2k (not including pictures)
behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist
ultimate masterlist
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Y/n dropped her phone on the bed and slowly rolled off and onto the ground with a soft THUD. She grunted, falling harder than she expected but the dull pain now present in her right shoulder felt deserved somehow. Why did she think she deserved it? Maybe because she was an unconfrontational worm even when the person needed to be confronted because he hurt her more than anyone ever had.
She closed her eyes and wiggled to get comfortable on the thin carpet in her room. Laying on the ground was relaxing to her, forcing her gamer back to straighten to how it was intended. It helped her think, being on the floor. She didn't know why but she didn't question it. Just laid on the floor in acceptance with the dirt and forgotten candy wrappers.
Why didn't she want to respond to Peter? Well, years of being with him and even the months of not being with him had taught her that her ex liked to get his way and liked to take his anger out in her verbally when he didn't.
You could say she's heard some terrible things over very simple inconveniences.
Y/n slowly pattered to her desk and slid on her headphones, finding the discord server Dream said he and George were on. It was a server that a lot of their friends were in, one that Y/n hardly went in since she still hadn't met a lot of them and wasn't super comfortable with talking in it yet.
She scrolled through the various text chats, one for boredom, one for stream questions, one for memes, one for pictures of pets, one for.... discussing the inevitable takeover of rats...? Y/n wasn't sure what that was about but she knew she didn't want to find out. The list went on. She was pretty sure they had made a channel for every possible message someone could ever send.
There were equally as many voice channels, most of them titled with the names of different games for when they only played with each other and didn't stream. Some of them were just random names and she noticed there was one to match the rat takeover text channel. Okay, who was responsible for that?
After what felt like an entire scavenger hunt and with many new questions in her mind, Y/n finally found the voice channel Dream and George were in and clicked on it. It was called memerz-only.
"I'm not a memer, am I allowed in here?" she asked. She hadn't realized how messed up her voice was since she hadn't talked all day.
"Holy shit, Bug, you sound awful."
She scoffed a laugh. "Thanks, Dream. Really means a lot." She did sound pretty scuffed. Her voice was a little scratchy from not talking literally all day.
"You doing okay, Bugsy?" George asked kindly, to which she hummed.
“I just have one quick question...”
“Mhm?”
“This is simple, please don’t elaborate further. There’s a channel on this server... did you guys mean rat as in BadBoyHalo’s dog or rats as in rats?”
Neither of them spoke for a minute before George understood what she was referring to. “Oh! Rats as in rats.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“Yeah, Quackity—“
“No!” she interupted. “No! I said I don’t wanna know. I really don’t. I’m too afraid to understand.”
“Wha- HA, okay.”
“Good choice, Bugsy. I wish I didn’t know what it’s about. It’s a lot weirder than you’d think.”
“Now that that’s settled,” Dream said with a laugh. “How are you doing, Bug?”
"Neither of you are streaming, right?" she asked, doubling checking the twitch app on her phone to be sure.
"No."
"So I don't have to pretend to be happy and bubbly?"
"No, you can be as mundane as you'd like," Dream said. "We don't mind."
"Yeah, honestly, most of the time when Dream and I are on calls alone it's just us being super boring and hardly talking."
"That's..." she paused to find the right words and decided with, "actually really cute. You guys just enjoy each other's presence."
George scoffed and Dream giggled. "See, even Bug says we're cute, Georgie! Why can you tell me you love me?"
"I'll leave right now if you don't stop," George threatened. "Can we go back to how Bugsy's miserable?"
"I'm not miserable, I just..." she hesitated. She had already told George about why she was having a bad day, but Dream?
She didn't want to tell Karl because she knew he would yell at her. She didn't want to tell Sapnap because she didn't trust him not to tell everyone (on accident, of course). For some reason, it was a different kind of hesitation than with the others that made her not want to tell Dream. She didn't want to tell him because she didn't want to be... embarrassed? Maybe that was it. She thought it would be embarrassing to tell Dream about how her ex-boyfriend treated her like shit and how now he wants to get back together with her. Plus, she knew how everyone else individually would react but Dream was a complete mystery. Maybe he'd yell at her too and say she's stupid for being affected by an ex. Maybe he'd break down crying for some reason? Who knows?
"You don't have to tell us," Dream stated. "Seriously."
"It's embarrassing," she said, tucking her feet beneath her on her seat. As she said the words, she decided they felt right. She was embarrassed. "But George already knows."
Above everyone else, Y/n was okay with telling George about her situation because he and her tended to talk about their troublesome relationships quite often. He always came to her for advice and she to him. They were very similar in their ways of thinking and seemed to have lots of similar dating stories, even if neither of them knew what the hell they were doing. She knew he'd never judge her for thinking unclearly since he tended to do the same.
George hummed, not knowing what to say since she hadn't said much. She could tell he didn't wanna say something that might make Dream more nosey and start hounding her about telling him.
"What hap—never mind. Not my business," Dream said quickly.
"No, I mean, I kinda wanted to talk to George about it again anyway so I guess you can join in on the gossip." Guess my mouth decided for me on this one, she thought.
"Wait, what? You guys gossip about boys without me?"
"Oh my gosh, don't say it like that, Dream," George groaned. "Bugsy and I talk about relationship problems a lot, yes. Not just boys."
"How did I not know this?"
"Because you don't know a lot of things?"
"It's normally George sending screenshots of text conversations with girls and asking me how to let them down gently," Y/n explained with a giggle.
"Or Y/n talking about her asshole ex."
"George! What do you and Karl not get about not calling him names?"
"I'm so lost," Dream mumbled.
Y/n sighed. "Okay, well," she cut herself off with a groan. "It's so embarrassing. Basically, my ex asked me to 'chat' this morning which is code for he wants to get back together—"
"Do you know that for sure?" Dream asked.
"Yeah, we already decided that," George snapped. "Let her finish."
"Sorry."
"So he wants to get back together and I feel stupid for wanting to listen to what he has to say."
"How is that embarrassing?"
"Because he hurt me and I feel like an idiot because him even suggesting that means he doesn't realize how badly he hurt me. It makes me feel like, I don't know, like all the time I spent being upset was for nothing," Y/n explained in a soft voice. "And because his simple, like, five word text made me freak out all day to the point of exhaustion."
"I don't think you should be embarrassed, Bugsy," George offered.
"Have either of you, uh, have you ever considered dating an ex?"
"Didn't you just say he hurt you badly?" Dream asked. "You aren't thinking of getting back with him, are you?"
"No... but I want to stay friends so maybe I should hear him out?"
"Well, I've never gotten back with an ex," he said bluntly. "But to be fair, all my relationships have ended badly or for bad reasons so I've never wanted to see any of them again. Staying friends depends on why you and he broke up, I guess, but..."
"Um, how do I put this..." she trailed off. "He was mean to me."
"Then no? Simple."
"But I've forgiven him and I think he's changed."
"People don't change that easily. Didn't you break up like, a few months ago?" George asked.
"Yeah, but—"
"Honestly I think if a guy was ever mean to you he doesn't deserve any more of your attention," Dream decided. "So, no. Don't even be his friend. Don't listen to a single thing he has to say."
"That's what I told her," George agreed.
"If that were the case, you guys shouldn't be friends," she argued. "You're mean to each other all the time."
"But we know it's a joke," George defended.
"So you're saying if someone is ever purposefully mean to you just once, you drop them forever?"
"Well, no," Dream said. "Not exactly. But it sounds like he was super mean to you since it's why you broke up."
She took a deep breath. She didn't want to go into detail. She was already uncomfortable enough talking about her personal life so much, but she trusted both of them and needed to get it off her chest and they were there and willing to listen. They had already established wanting to listen to her if she wanted to speak and right now, she wanted to speak. Maybe not the full story, but at least some. "He, um, well, the mean things he said, he said because he was trying to get me to see what he thought was the truth about myself."
Both of them were silent for a few moments. "I'm still confused," George admitted.
"Me too... But you don't have to tell us." Dream explained again. She thought it was sweet that they kept reassuring her that.
"I know, but I want to. If it's not too much for you guys..."
"No, go ahead, if you want."
"Uh, he lowkey emotionally manipulated me by telling me I wasn't good enough for anyone and stuff and how he was the only one who could ever love me. The second part he said truly believing that he was being romantic. There are a lot worse and specific things engraved in my brain but that's the gist of what he would tell me. He made me believe that I could never leave him because I could never be loved by anyone else. But he said it all in a way that... he thought he was just... letting me in on something no one else had the guts to tell me."
George gasped. "What?! Bugsy, I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was like that."
"Woah, what the hell? No. Absolutely not. Don't give this guy a second thought. Cut him off for good," Dream said sternly, angry that anyone would say that to anyone, especially to someone like Y/n. "Wait, so, you broke up with him?"
"Yeah. After Karl yelled at me a lot and explained his outside point of view, I finally realized Peter was gaslighting me and emotionally abusing me and stuff so I dumped him. I guess right now I'm just upset by it because I thought we were past this and I was healing and him reaching out affected me again. I'm just emotionally exhausted. Like I said, it hurts to know that he doesn't realize what he did to me."
"I'm really sorry, Bug," Dream said softly. "Gimme his address and I'll punch him for you."
She laughed through her nose. "That's okay. Thanks."
"Yeah, she can go set his house on fire if she wants. She's proven that already."
"Shut up, George," she said with a small laugh.
"Wh......at?" Dream stuttered and George briefly explained.
"Well, Bug, just so you know, in case you weren't aware, you're really cool and sweet and funny and we really like having you around–" Dream started.
"Oh, ugh, no don't do this," she tried to joke but he ignored her as he continued his speech.
"–and you're way too good to be hanging out with either of us, and whatever that asshole was showing you wasn't love. 'No one could love you like he did' because what he was doing was not love, it was abuse." Dream's voice had a certain gentleness to it as he spoke that comforted Y/n and made her believe him. He was blunt but it didn't stab her in the heart like it should have.
If Y/n ever cried, she might have just then from how sweet they were both being. But she didn't because that wasn't something she did. She never cried over anything Peter said, never cried during movies, and didn't cry then. But she did smile very fondly at the Discord screen in front of her.
"Thank you, Dream."
"You know I'm not good with words, but, yeah, what Dream said," George said. "I'm sorry you had to go through that thinking it was normal. Please, please, do not get back together with him and please don't be friends with him."
"He's fine as a friend though."
"Bug. Whether he's fine as a friend doesn't matter, he doesn't deserve to have you as a friend. He treated you like shit, it's okay to be a little cold to him."
She sighed. They were right. "Okay." There was a long pause before, "thanks, guys. Sorry for coming in here and dumping my problems on you—"
"Don't be sorry," George said. "We're the ones that asked you to come in and share. We knew what we signed up for and don't regret it."
"Seriously, Bug, we care about you. You're allowed to, you know, talk about yourself." How did he know that's what she meant by that sentence? The way he could read her mind was heart-warming.
"Also, George knows this but Dream, there's a strict no-telling policy about this kinda thing. Please don't tell anyone."
"I wouldn't even think of it," he promised. "My lips are sealed."
"Good."
A soft animal noise came from one of their mics and Y/n strained her ears to listen. "Was that a cat?"
"Patches has entered the chat," George joked.
Dream chuckled. "Yeah, my cat just jumped on my lap."
"Aw, you have a cat? Lemme see lemme see lemme see!" Y/n begged. "Partly because I would love if we could stop talking about my ex-boyfriend and the other part because I love cats."
"There's pictures of her in the pets channel on Discord—"
"No, no I want a picture of her on your lap. Is she all snuggled up?"
"Yeah, she is."
"PleASE, Dream. I need to see the snuggly cat."
"Fine, fine, if you insist. Give me a second."
A few moments later, she got a DM from Dream and smiled at the picture. His room was dark but the computer screen cast a cold glow over a ball of fur on a lap clad in sweatpants. "Awww, she's so cute."
"Dream, I wanna see it too," George whined. "Send it to the pets channel."
"I'm literally making this my lock screen," Y/n informed, making Dream laugh.
"No, George, it's only for Bug. She's had a bad day so she gets exclusive Patches content."
"What? That is so messed up."
"You know what's messed up, George?" Dream asked. "You never come to me with advice on how to reject girls. We're on the phone for 12 hours a day but you can't talk to me about girls? Do you know how that makes me feel?"
"You'll just make fun of me."
"Why would I? What makes you think that?"
"Because Sapnap and I make fun of you? So obviously you and him would make fun of me?" George said with a laugh.
"....that's fair."
Y/n locked her phone and clicked the home button to admire her new lock screen. "I love her," she whispered.
Dream and George both laughed. "I'm regretting sending you that. You're gonna, like, make a shrine or something."
"What would be wrong with that? She's precious. She deserves a shrine."
"Yeah, Dream, you're the one that feeds her gormet cooked food," George teased with a laugh. "You probably have a shrine."
"That's normal! That's what people feed their cats! That's completely normal!"
"I don't," George countered.
"Then what do you feed your cat?" Dream asked.
"I dunno, normal cat food?"
"Wait! You have a cat too??" Y/n asked. "I feel like we're missing a huge detail and it's that George never told me he had a cat."
"And a dog."
"WHAT? GEORGE! Send me pictures!!!!!"
"I can't right now, it's like three am. They're sleeping. Look in the pets channel."
"You're the worst," she grumbled, clicking and scrolling to find his pets. She saw a lot of cute pictures of other peoples pets along the way but couldn't find George's.
"Hey, do your animals have English accents?" Dream asked, making Y/n laugh.
"What?" George scoffed. "You're so stupid."
"How would that even sound?" Y/n asked.
"Like..." Dream thought, preparing to test out how it would hypothetically sound. "Meow," Dream meowed in his best accent, failing miserable.
"Oh gosh, never do that again," Y/n begged.
Dream laughed into his mic. "That was disgusting. George, I really hope your pets don't have accents."
"They're animals, so probably not. And if they did, it definitely wouldn't sound like whatever that was."
"Oh come on–"
"OH I FOUND THEM." Y/n announced as she found a message from George in the pets channel with the message 'heard we're sharing our pets'. "GEORGE. THEY'RE SO CUTE."
"Are you gonna make them your background picture now?" George asked.
"What, no way! It's Patches!" Dream scoffed.
"Yeah, I'll make George's pets my home screen. Oh, what a good day." As soon as she said it, a metal bowling ball fell to her stomach, reminding her of all the reasons it was, in fact, not a good day.
She got off after a while, feeling the weight of a particular idiot man's stupid simple text catch up with her again. She thanked Dream and George for letting her join, they invited her to always hang out with them, and she went on her way.
Y/n fell on her bed and curled up under the covers as her mind started to wander from Peter to Dream. She was really glad she met him. He was a really good person and he was always so incredibly kind to her. George and Sapnap and Karl were all great friends, so caring and understanding and always looking out for her, but Dream was different and she didn't know why.
Maybe it was because he seemed untouchable still, like he had no reason to hang out around someone like her. But he wasn't untouchable in the celebrity was since he had a large following, because all of her friends did and they didn't seem untouchable. Then what was it? What set him apart from, say, Karl? She trusted Karl with her life and had known him for quite a while. She knew Dream for maybe a few weeks and almost trusted him the same amount.
Why?
She picked her phone up off the bed and pulled up Twitter, deciding to DM Dream since he was already existing in her mind rent-free. Might as well make him pay his rent by bothering him.
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PREVIOUS | NEXT
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A/N: EEEEEEEE I hope that all made sense lmaaoooo basically yn ex = gaarrbbaaagggeeeee and ruined her self-worth a lot!! not poggers!!!!!!
THANK U GUYS FOR BEING SO SWEET ALL THE TIME ALL FOR ALL THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK ON ALL THE CHAPTERS!!! I love seeing you guys make predictions and tell me how aljkDFB chapters make you feel bc same :/
taglist: OPEN (at the time)
@hydrate-tion @loraleiix @tinaswagbd @charsdummb @smileyyuta @1ghoste1 @cerberus-hellhound @gaysludge @queestionmark @carnations-red @letsloveimagines @the-fictionwriters-hairdo @boiled-onionrings @a-cryptic @fee-btheweeb @letsloveimagines @erwinss @just-a-stan @axths @kayleigh2703 @furiouspockettoad @sometimeseverythingsucks @powerpuffyn @itshaileyn @millavalntyne @automaticcomputerpaper @nikkineeky @fivedicksinatrenchcoat @sprucekot @jabby16 @mae-musicbitch @hungoverhellhound @dreamyteam @kuroo-icedtea @stuffforreferences @menacingaesthetic @sapphic-soot @fangeekkk
#rpf#real person fiction#dream x reader#dreamwastaken x reader#dream x y/n#dreamwastaken x y/n#mcty x reader#mcyt x y/n#clay x reader#dream smau#dreamwastaken smau#smau#social media fic#dream social media fic#social media au
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Hey bestie , I love what you write . Can you do one with mason , where they are dating and she gets negative comments and like she feels very bad but didn’t tell him . At the end he finds out and he takes her defens .💕💕
thank you for your request :) sorry it took so long x
Summary: Since you and Mason made your relationship public three months ago, you have received negative and abusive messages from fans. But when everything takes a drastic turn, Mason is there to protect you and takes to social media afterwards to shut down all the abuse and threats.
Warnings: Derogatory language
I'll Always Protect You
"Mason deserves better"
"Slut"
"You're not even that pretty"
"What does Mount see in you"
"I wish he'd just hurry up and break up with you"
"Lets be honest, you wouldn't look twice at him if he wasn't who he was"
"You're just with him for the money"
"I know where you live"
"Break up with him, we know where you live"
These were just some of the many Instagram messages I would receive daily. Some were just calling me names or making me out to be a gold-digger and the sorts. But those on the worse end of the spectrum, those threatening me made me feel sick in the stomach. They had started just over three months ago after Mason and I had gone public with our relationship and they hadn't stopped, only gotten worse. I hadn't told Mason about any of them, I mean surely all of the threats were empty, just a series of words strung together to try and scare me. But part of me was scared that if Mason saw them, he'd start to believe them himself.
"What you looking at, baby," Mason asks from beside me on the bed, sounding concerned. I realised that there must've been a shift in my emotions and immediately plastered a smile onto my face.
"Nothing, Mase," I reply, my voice unsteady. I hate lying to him.
"Tell me you're not reading one of those stupid articles about us again," he says, looking at me, a look of sadness on his face. On top of the private messages I had been receiving, there were a few articles online from gossip sites and even big newspaper companies slating our relationship. Of course, Mason knew about those, there was no way to keep them quiet.
"I don't care what they say, I love you," he would affirm every time he saw one or caught me reading one.
Mason had stayed over at my house last night, not yet moved in with each other, but today wasn't one of the days we could have a lazy day. A day spent cuddling up to each other in bed, doing nothing but watch films, or catch up on the latest episode of 'Married at Frist Sight', which Mason would repeatedly remind me he hated (he loved it really). But, unfortunately, Mason did have training on my day off. I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head before the bed dipped beneath me as he started getting ready.
"I'll come and pick you up later and we can go out for a meal or something," he promised as he opened the door thirty minutes later, pecking my lips lightly.
"Sounds good," I smile, "I love you,"
"I love you too," he says before closing the door and making his way to his car.
Tap. Tap. I looked up from the TV to look around for the source of the tapping noise. I noticed it almost straight away and my heart skipped a beat. There was someone outside my window, tapping on the glass, wearing a black balaclava. I froze in my seat, my hands shaking. He continued tapping for a few more seconds before moving to another window and continuing. Then he moved to the door, jiggling the handle in an attempt to open it. At this point, I start to panic, even more, rushing around looking for my phone.
"Where is it..? Where the fuck did I leave it..?" I whisper to myself as I rush upstairs, extremely distressed. I find it on my bedside table in my room and immediately dial Mason. Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring.
"Come on, pick up, pick up, Mase." Ring ring. Ring r-.
"Baby, you can't be missing me that much already, I've only been gone for ten minutes," he jokes light-heartedly.
"Mase..." I say, unable to form a coherent sentence.
"Baby, what's wrong? What's happening? Talk to me," he says, concern evident in his voice.
"Someone's outside, they... they were at the window... tapping it. And... And then they... they started trying to open the door. I can hear them shouting through the letterbox and hitting the door. Mase, I don't know what to do," I say, tears streaking down my face.
"Shit... I'm turning around right now, I'll be back as quick as I can, lock yourself in the bathroom or something, just in case they get in. Stay on the phone," I nod, trying to steady my breathing. On my way to the bathroom across the hall, I can hear the abusive muffled shouts. I pray to God that Mason can't hear what is being said through the phone.
I hear Mason's car pull up in the driveway and his car door slam shut. I unlock the bathroom door and race downstairs where I can see him attempting to confront my perpetrator before he runs away. I open the door, tears of terror still staining my cheeks. Mason sees me and runs over, pulling me into a hug
"Hey, hey it's okay, they're gone, I'm here now. I've got you," he comforts, taking me back into the house and sitting me down to calm me down.
"I didn't think they were being serious..." I say under my breath.
"Baby, what are you on about?" I try my best to play it off as nothing, but Mason won't listen.
"It was just a few messages, it doesn't matter,"
"Show me them," I reluctantly pass him my unlocked phone and he scrolls through my message requests.
"Why didn't you tell me..." he says with a frown, clearly upset that I had not confided in him.
"I thought that if you saw them, you'd start to believe what everyone was saying,"
"Oh, baby..." he whispers, pulling me into his chest, "Nothing anyone says will ever change how I feel about you. Go and get yourself a bag packed and you can come to training with me,"
"It has recently come to light the amount of hate, abuse and downright threats have been hurled at my girlfriend, Y/N. And to tell you the truth, I'm disgusted. So, I've come to Instagram to address it.
I was unaware of how much abuse had been projected onto her until earlier today when I read some of the messages she has been receiving on both Instagram and Twitter. Most accounts claimed to be Chelsea fans, but as I'm sure all of my teammates would agree, to verbally abuse one of our partners, someone that I LOVE, does not qualify you as a Chelsea fan.
I had obviously seen all of the news articles, those I could look past, but the threats became very real today. I am sure that those of you who messaged threats like "We know where you live, break up with him," were all just empty words. But today, I had to drive back to Y/N's house after leaving for training after receiving a phone call from her, telling me that someone was tormenting her in her own home. If this happens again, it WILL become a matter that will need to be treated more seriously.
Finally, I would like to say that no online abuse of anyone should be tolerated. People in the public eye have feelings too, they are human too. It is never okay to attack someone for loving who they love. I know that this message will not stomp out all of the abuse, but I hope that the majority of you are mature enough to take what I have said into account and will consider what you say before you send it.
M19" I read aloud to myself when I see that Mason has posted. I feel a pair of arms snake their way around my waist, pulling me closer into his body. Mason.
"Thank you for protecting me today,"
"I'll always protect you,"
Sorry I'm taking ages to write requests, I have been so busy with coursework and homework as of late. That, and posting about 30 things about the match today. So, sorry for the spam, but I hope you enjoyed this request! <33
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I’m going to be honest: I dislike Nate right now.
And that’s perfectly fine.
I understand that this show loves to redeem people, however, as I said in another post, you can only redeem someone if there are negative feelings and/or you believe that person wronged someone or whatever. If you have positive feelings and excuse what they did, what exactly are they being redeemed for?
Despite loving Rebecca’s character, when I rewatch season one, I don’t like her at times. I dislike a lot of what she did back then. It doesn’t matter that I know she tells the truth eventually, the stuff she did was still fucked up. I’m not going to preemptively excuse her actions because I know the end goal.
Take Jamie for instance, his behavior was not okay. We know why he behaves that way, but it still wasn’t justified. We are still allowed to dislike him and what he did then. We talk about the negative effects of the bullying Nate received from the players, yet some try to excuse Nate’s bullying and his actions?
Wrong is wrong. Jamie being verbally abused by his dad didn’t justify how he treated others just like how Nate’s father (and bullying by others) is emotionally abusive doesn’t justify Nate’s behavior.
Although we understand the context, Nate IS being a fucking backstabbing asshole right now. Some may hate to hear that, but this isn’t an unfair opinion or unflattering light of him. This is exactly how he’s behaving.
There are some who has a ton of sympathy for Nate, but I’m not one of them. Please believe, I do hold some sympathy for him, but I have a limit.
So here’s reasons why Nate is on my shitlist and I’ll wait until he’s actually redeemed to forgive him.
1. Calling Rebecca a shrew. It’s not the fact that he literally called Rebecca this, but that he immediately verbally attacked the woman. We can say, “oh no, she’s the owner so he had reasons to think…”
No, Nate literally attacked Rebecca for no reason at all. She had little to no interaction with him and has never disrespected or harmed him in anyway, yet he has these intense feelings of dislike in the moment based off what exactly?
Nate attacked Rebecca because she is a woman. If you disagree, what other reason it might be? The reason I believe it was due to her gender is because she’s been defanged so to speak. So he doesn’t fear her like he used to. But Nate also practices in casual misogyny ie his shoe remark to Rebecca and Keeley. That may not seem like a big thing, but how is that an involuntary response??? With him believing he got fired, he doesn’t wait for answers, he immediately attacks her. And I had to ask myself, would he have done this with a man? With someone like Rupert? No fucking way. Nate can’t even directly challenge Ted who is a ray of sunshine, but attacks someone who he literally ran away from in fear in the pilot. Although Nate respects power, he respects male power the most. He skipped over Ted and Beard and went straight towards Rebecca. The fact that this even happened has always been disturbing to me. And Nate is fucking lucky that he hasn’t said any of his comments to old Rebecca (not age, but personality. 🥺) because she would have fired him. Only due to her relationship with Ted and him getting to let her guard down and find her old self that she frowned and shrugged Nate’s comments off. Most bosses at the very least would’ve talked to Nate and he didn’t get even that.
2. Projecting his daddy issues onto Ted. I understand that nate is going through some tough shit and has been for literally decades, however, that doesn’t mean make someone your stand in dad because they were nice and kind. Ted treats Nate like he does the other coaches, but Nate wants a special and unique relationship that will never exist. Ted is not his father and he didn’t ask for the job or the responsibilities.
I understand that people go through shit and latch onto those who made the rough times easier. I get that. However, all this animosity, scheming, and resentment because Ted isn’t giving the attention he wants. That fucking unfair to Ted. He didn’t ask or sign up to be Nate’s father figure. Yet he’s being punished for not being something he never wanted to be. Never even thought about it.
And because I’ve seen/partially experienced this shit, people getting mad at you for not being who they projected onto, it makes me upset at Nate. Because people like this really do become resentful and manipulative and that is not okay despite their own hurt that they’re dealing with. Why does the person you projected on have to suffer for something they’re unaware of and have no obligation to fulfill?
Nate isn’t just trying to blow up Ted’s professional career, he’s doing it via one of the cruelest ways: using his mental health against him. Thereby exploiting Ted’s trust in him.
Ted has literally changed Nate’s life for the better and rather than have a man to man talk with him, he cowardly tries to sabotage Ted in one of the worst ways imaginable.
3. His cognitive dissonance about how coaching works!!!
This seriously irritates me because, on some level, Nate knows that the very system he’s criticizing is how it works across ALL team sports and with reason.
He wants to be a damn head coach soooo bad—does he think ideas, plans, plays, etc only comes from head coaches???
What does he think assistants are there for?
For those who aren’t familiar with sports and coaching, literally every team sport has a head coach and then assistants under them. These assistant typically specialize in a given thing.
In American football, I believe there are like defensive coaches, strength and conditioning coaches, etc. there are coaches who watch a lot of tapes to learn the opposition and how to make plays to hold them exploit their weakness and tailor plays around that.
Like on the professional level there are so many types of coaches and, hell, not all of them want to be head coaches. Some of the greatest coaching minds aren’t head coaches.
For example, the American basketball team the Chicago bulls fired their coach Doug Collins in like 1989, I think. He was a good coach, but one of his assistant coaches had a basketball IQ out of this world. Doug refused to listen to him, but management fully supported this assistant coach. Now the other assistant coach they were grooming to take over, Phil Jackson, if you’ve heard of him, DID listen to this basketball genius. So much so that when he became head coach after Doug was fired, he continued to implement The Triangle offense that came from this basketball genius, which Phil was known for until he retired.
Nate’s upset that Ted gets all the credit for if they win, he does realize that Ted also gets all the blame for if they lose. Ted has always highlighted his coaching staff and everyone who helped him. He has always stressed that he wouldn’t be where he is without them. And when he loses, he takes full ownership. He doesn’t pass the blame at all.
Does Nate seem like someone who’d take ownership for losing?
Does Nate seem like someone, at this moment, who’d appropriately give credit to assistant or anyone else who helped him?
Would he even listen?
What makes Ted a great coach is that he gives others opportunities to step up to the plate and if/when they succeed, he allows them to shine.
Ted sees the fuller picture, for the most part, and knows how to address his weaknesses and who’s stronger than him in what area. He realized that the team needed a presence like Roy on the team. He knew he needed someone like beard who could absorb insane amounts of knowledge. He saw that Nate had potential coaching ability.
But Nate doesn’t understand the importance or value of this. He also doesn’t understand how instrumental Ted’s philosophy has been in transforming the culture of the team. That this is also a reason why the team is playing better.
So like, yeah, I’ll forgive Nate when he’s redeemed. But these three things are what really irks me about him. Just because I understand why he is acting this way doesn’t mean I have to excuse it when he’s being a dick to others, complaining about shit only due to his ego, and doing fucked up shit like leaking someone’s mental health struggles so he can gain an advantage over them.
Does he think that if Ted leaves/gets fired that he’s getting the job??? I mean hopefully whatever he has going on with Rupert works out (before it inevitably goes wrong) because this isn’t going to turn out how he thinks it will.
#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#Nate Shelley#I wonder if Rupert is trying to get Richmond back and has some big master plan#I do not want that to happen of course#but what is he planning#probably trying to steal Nate away#and if that’s the case#good riddance#lol#Nate can come back once he calms down and gets himself together
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Secret Lives
Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader
Summary: You and JJ never got along so your friends trap the two of you on a boat in the middle of the marsh to work it out. Only it doesn’t go as planned.
Note: Hi guys! This is my first writing piece. I tried not to do a two parter for my first one but it ended up being so long. Sorry! I would love to hear your feedback so feel free to leave me a message! Part two will be posted soon. Also I have completed a rewrite of the show with a JJ x Routledge sister pairing so keep an eye out for that! Also wanna shout out @skiesofthesketchy @malfoyfarms @collecting-stories because they were some of the first masterlists I read and I loved them and it inspired me to write my own. So thank you!
Word Count: 5.3k
Warnings: Language, angst, very slight mentions of abuse
Part 2
Y/N Y/L/N. That’s you. Or as some like to call you, Hannah Montana. You live the best of both worlds, living it up on Figure Eight and wearing hundred dollar dresses to fancy dinners and parties, sneaking expensive mimosas to brunches with your friends, and getting biweekly mani pedi’s with your sister. Meanwhile, when you’re not rolling around in the luxuries of Kook Life, you’re rolling around in the dirt with your Pogue friends, baking in the sun on a dirty small boat while drinking the cheapest beer one of the boys’ could get their hands on. Most Kooks hated you even when they wanted to be you. And most Pogues didn’t trust you even as they tried getting in your pants.
One of them being JJ Maybank.
Kiara introduced you to her group of friends right after freshman year. The two of you were the black sheep of Kook Academy. Both your families have money, sure. But you weren’t jerks about it. You enjoy a little pampering here and there, but you’re not tone deaf and superficial like the rest of your peers. You were so grateful that your science teacher paired you two together for that year’s science fair. You instantly clicked with the curly brunette and spent most of the class talking about whatever came to mind instead of actually brainstorming project ideas. After working together for months on a science fair project with a shared passion of wanting to help save the environment, Kie finally introduced you to her best friends.
John B and Pope immediately made you feel like one of the group. Sure, they were curious about your life but you never felt like you were being interrogated with questions. They included you on inside jokes and even gave you the nickname ‘Sassy’ after proving to them that you can hold your own in a verbal fight.
Thanks to JJ.
From the start he claimed to never like you. He hated where you were from, who your parents were, and that you never had a job. He hated that you didn’t even have to try to get people to like you. In his eyes, everything was handed to you on silver platter. You had a picture perfect life and all you had to do was bat your eyelashes and show off your pearly white teeth. He couldn’t stand you.
Yet, he was dangerously attracted to you.
He loved the way your hair shined against the setting sun, he loved that you didn’t wear makeup every single day like every other Kook on the island, he loved how your white jean shorts perfectly shaped your curves, and he loved how your temper was as equally as short as his because it made you fighting with him that much hotter.
Last night was no different than every other night with you and your friends. It was quiet, spent around a bonfire in John B’s back yard. You sipped on cheap beer from the can while the smell of JJ’s marijuana smoke wafted through the air. Kie lightly strummed the strings of her ukulele while Pope and JJ bickered about the pros and cons of smoking weed.
This was your family. You had friends on the other side of the island too but you weren’t as close as you were with the Pogues. You would do anything for the people surrounding you. Even JJ. You tried to tell yourself you hated him just as much as he hated you, but you couldn’t help but feel like every other girl on this island, falling for his ocean blue eyes and golden locks. His wit and his charm. His loyalty and protectiveness of his friends. How he looked with his shirt off. How he would wink at you when he caught you staring. You wished you didn’t, but you loved him.
“Hellooo, Y/N?” John B waved his hand in front of your face. You hadn’t even realized you’d been staring.
“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
John B smirked but didn’t say what he was thinking. He always thought you and JJ were acting dumb when it was clear as day that the two of you were attracted to each other. He always caught you two staring at one another when the other wasn’t looking. You two would always ask about the other person when they weren’t there even if it was just to throw a sharp jab behind their back.
“I asked you what you were up to this weekend.”
“Oh,” You shrugged. “Probably run some errands, babysit my neighbor’s kids...”
Just like Hannah Montana, you also lived a secret life. Your life wasn’t as perfect as everyone thought it was, but you’d never admit to it. Your mother would be crushed, your friends would find you stupid and pathetic, and you would hate yourself even more than you already did.
“Good. Sunday we’re going to check out the surfing competition on Seasill Beach. JJ’s trying to qualify for it next year.”
Your smile immediately dropped. “Sunday. Oh.”
“Already got a spa day planned, Princess?” JJ smirked from across the way.
“I, uh,” You tried your best to fake a grin. “I’m sorry. I can’t go. I already have plans.”
You held you breath as you waited for someone to respond. This was the third time this month you flaked on your friends without a good explanation. You never knew what to tell them, only that you had plans. You were afraid if you said anything else, they’d find out you were lying.
“Again?” Kie stopped playing her ukulele to look at you. “Seriously. Is there some secret boy we should know about or something?”
You scoffed. “No.”
You felt the most guilty lying to Kie. After all she was your best friend. The one you were supposed to be able to share everything with, even the stuff you couldn’t tell your parents.
“Kie’s right. You bailed on us last week last minute too,” Pope said.
You opened your mouth to say something, but your head wasn’t working fast enough to come up with a lie.
“We all knew this day would come.” JJ’s smirk was gone. He flicked the butt of his joint into the fire and claps off the ash from his hands. “Hannah Montana dips her toes into the wild life. She feels free and independent long enough to decide she’d rather go back to her cookie cutter life and live with all the privilege that daddy has to offer.”
The word ‘daddy’ physically made you flinch. Your eyes narrowed in a tight glare as you dug your fingernails into the palm of your hand, hating that this was the way JJ thought of you.
“J...” John B tried to warn him but JJ didn’t listen.
“No, seriously.” JJ stood up. “I bet the reason she’s not telling us what all her ‘plans’ are is because she knows you’ll all be disappointed. Me? Well, I couldn’t care less whether you hung out with us or not. In fact, I’ve been praying for it. So tell us, Y/N, what are you doing that you won’t tell us? If it’s not some dude, then maybe you decided you’d rather be a Kook. Are you going to fancy lunches and riding yachts across the ocean? Maybe you’re spitting in the faces of the people who work to make your life easier. Maybe -”
“JJ!” Kie yelled.
You stood up, your vision turning red and your skin going hot. Usually you could take JJ’s insults. You were use to JJ throwing your family’s money in your face, trying to make you feel bad for something you can’t control, but this was too much. Because now he was calling you out on your loyalty to your friends. And he was so far from the truth.
“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” You said. The other three stood up when you took a step in JJ’s direction. John B stood close to you. He didn’t know what you were going to do, but he’s never heard your voice so low and threatening in a long time. The other time was with a Kook who was giving JJ shit. Ironically. “For me to just leave.”
“I didn’t stutter, did I?”
“Well I hate to break it to you, but I’m not going anywhere. In fact, because I’m such a nice friends, I’m going to give you some free advice. First, the last thing you want to question me about is my loyalty to the people who’s lives I would put before my own. Second, I would suggest removing that stick up your ass because it seems like your way too uptight to handle it.”
JJ glared at you and didn’t move to respond. A part of you was surprised he didn’t have anything to come back with and the other part of you was relieved.
The thick tension between you and your friends was suffocating. Your night had been effectively ruined by a simple question. But the sad part is, you didn’t even know who to blame. JJ, or the other man causing most of your guilt and grief.
“Y/N/N...” Kie tried stopping you as you gathered your stuff to leave.
“I’m out of here.”
You stormed out of the backyard and into your car. There was only so much you could take until you broke. And you were not going to give JJ Maybank the satisfaction of seeing you break.
***********************
You couldn’t fall asleep last night. JJ’s words kept replaying in your head like a bad song stuck on replay. You wanted to hate him. You wanted to blame him for not trusting you. But instead, you hated yourself. Because you’re the reason he can’t trust you. Cause you have secrets you don’t want shared.
Your thumb hovered over his contact. Not JJ’s. The man who’s made your life a living hell for the last sixteen years. You wanted to scream and cry and slap him in his face. But instead, you stayed frozen in fear. Like the little pathetic girl he says you are. And you hated yourself more for proving him right.
Your attention was taken away when someone busted through your bedroom door out of breath. Kie immediately went to your drawers and pulled out the first bathing suit she could find and threw it at you.
“Kie -”
“We need to go,” She said. “Get dressed.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Pope and John B ran out of gas doing grocery runs for Heyward. We need to get them with the HMS Pogue.”
“Where’s JJ? Why can’t he help you?”
“He’s working,” Kie said quickly. “Come on.”
***********************
You and Kie found Heyward’s boat stranded in the middle of the marsh like Kie said it would be. John B and Pope were waiting for you on the back and thanking you both for coming to help. You hold the gas as they helped you onto the boat. They directed you to the tank while they helped Kie.
As soon as you made your way to the front of the boat, you heard the engine of the Pogue rev and take off. You dropped the gasoline gallon and sprinted to the back of the boat where they left you. John B and Pope waved back to you as Kie drove them back to the Chataeu.
“What the hell?” You yelled at them to come back.
“You and JJ need to work your shit out!” John B yelled back to you.
“What...” You mumbled to yourself before you heard the sound of heavy footsteps running towards you. You gasp in surprise when a sweaty JJ passed you to glare at the boat that’s getting smaller and smaller by the second.
“What the fuck?” He screamed.
“There’s food and blankets in the cabin!” Pope yelled back.
“We’ll come get you in the morning,” Kie said.
You clenched your teeth together with frustration. JJ looked just as pissed off and small part of you was disappointed with that. He turned around, cursing to himself and hitting random shit in his way.
This was going to be a long day.
***********************
After four hours, you and JJ still hadn’t spoken to each other. He took over the cabin while you laid out on the back of the boat. Your head was running with different thoughts. Should you try to make up with JJ? Should you just continue to ignore him? Should you tell him why you can’t go to the surfing competition tomorrow?
You didn’t know what to do but you knew you couldn’t sit here in silence anymore.
You reluctantly stood in front of him with crossed arms. He was smoking a blunt and looking out into the setting sun. If you were friends, you would take a picture of him right now. The pink sky painted his skin perfectly.
“What?” He said without looking at you.
“Seriously?” You raised one brow. “We’re asked to do one thing on this boat and that’s all you have to say?”
“I’m not sorry for what I said last night.”
“Neither am I.”
“Fine.”
You rolled your eyes. The problem with both of you was that you’re both stubborn. But if the problem with JJ couldn’t be fixed today, you didn’t know how much longer you would be able to put up with his rude remarks and assumptions about you.
“What the hell is your problem?” You said.
“My problem?”
“Yeah. Your problem. You’ve been treating me like shit ever since Kie introduced me to you. What could I have possibly done to make you hate me so goddamn much?”
JJ shook his head in annoyance. “I’m not doing this.”
He got up and walked to the back of the boat where you were sulking not even five minutes ago. You followed him like the stubborn person you were and you continued to grill him.
“I’ve tried so hard to be your friend. I’ve bought you drugs, I’ve even done yours and JB’s laundry. I put in a good word to the tourons who ask about you at boneyard parties. I laugh at your jokes, even when they’re about my friends. I try so hard to be on your good side and you still want nothing to do with me!”
“Because you’re a Kook!”
“So?”
“You have everything. Money, family, friends, a future. I don’t trust you because I don’t know what the hell you want with us. What do we possibly have that you can’t get on Figure Eight? Hm? Are you trying to prove a point to your mom that you don’t need her? You trying to prove to your dad that you’re a tough girl and don’t need his money or protection to keep you safe? Huh?”
“You know what your problem is? You don’t listen! I’ve told you time and time again that I don’t care about any of those things. I hang out with you guys because you are my friends. I have a good time when I’m with you. Why is that so hard for you to get?”
JJ scoffed. “Please. You don’t think I see you constantly checking your cell phone? Making sure no one can see who you’re texting? If we’re such good friends, why won’t you tell us what you’re doing tomorrow? You always have ‘other plans’ and then you never tell us what they are.”
“Because that’s none of your business!”
“If my friends are going to get hurt because of some lying bitch then it is my business!”
You were breathing so heavily, you were basically panting. Your blood felt like it was boiling under your skin and your head felt fuzzy with lack of thoughts. You didn’t know what to say, truly lost for words.
JJ took another step closer to you. You’re so close to him, you can feel his breath on your face and see every mark on his skin. You never knew he had a scar right above his brow or a freckle under his ear. He smelled like weed and sun sunscreen and his breath like mint. Had you not been fired up with rage, you would have thought he looked hot and maybe even made a move.
But now it was the last thing you wanted to do.
“I’m sick and tired of you spoiled brats getting everything you want. You’re nothing but a spoiled rich kid who doesn’t even know the kind of privilege she has if it hit her in the face. You can’t relate to anything we have to go through. You don’t have to get dirt underneath your fingernails to make a buck. You don’t have to wonder where your next meal is coming from. You wouldn’t last a week on the Cut because you’ve never known what it’s been like to live the life we do!”
“You don’t know anything about me!” You snapped. The heart in your chest felt like it was being shredded to pieces by a rapid wolf. You felt like you were being torn apart one by one with each insult he threw in your face. Little did he know, he was wrong.
“I know enough to never want to see you again. I will never accept you into our group of friends. Don’t you get that? So you can stop playing the nice girl act around me and go back to Sarah Cameron and the other Kooks that you still hang out with despite knowing everything they’ve done to us. To Kie!”
Bringing up the fight between Kie and Sarah was a low blow and JJ knew it. It was something you always struggled with because you continued to be friends with both of them separately. At first, they were both mad at you but then accepted your friendship when they came around to loving the idea that you would fight for both of them. You tried getting them to talk and make up, but both of them refused. Maybe you should just stick them on a boat in the middle of nowhere and force them to work it out.
Although, clearly your experience with it wasn’t going so well.
“That’s not fair.”
“Yeah, well life’s not fair sweet heart. But you wouldn’t know about that.”
You thought the fight last night was bad. But this one took the icing off the cake. You wished so desperately that Kie had just trapped you both in a locked room, so at least you had the chance to break out and run away from the darkness that was clouding around you.
You were most upset that this was how JJ thought of you. You didn’t know if you would have the same devastating reaction if someone else had said these things to you. You wanted so badly to be friends with the blonde Pogue. You saw the way he interacted with his friends and you wanted to be a part of that small circle so badly, you would almost do anything to be in it.
But you didn’t think you could last another second of being belittled and tormented with JJ’s outspoken feelings towards you. You wished there was a rewind button so you could go back to bed and hopefully never wake up and you’d lock your door so Kie couldn’t break in.
You swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall and admit your defeat. You wanted to find the nearest corner and crawl into it and escape the murderous glare of JJ Maybank. JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because in this moment, you still wanted him. And you were just realizing that you never will.
“You judge me by the surface. You’ve never once tried to get to know me. You don’t ask. You just assume that I’m like every other kid on Figure Eight. You don’t know where I’ve came from. What I’ve been through. What I live with. You don’t know my plans for the future or my hobbies or even my favorite color because you didn’t ask!” Adrenaline pushes through your veins like a wave of energy. You’ve never felt so powerful but so small in your life.
“All right. So tell me,” JJ said. “Tell me whatever story you can think of that will change my mind about you.”
You paused, standing there face to face with someone who will never accept you. You were suddenly overcome with so many emotions you didn’t know which one to choose from. Anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, shame.
You couldn’t believe you even thought about telling JJ your story. A story that you haven’t even told Kie. The story about how you were actually born and raised on the far end of the south side. How your dad use to abuse your mother right in front of you before she managed to escape when you were eight. For six months you lived in her car before she got a job as a housekeeper at a cheap motel used mostly for hookers and their cliental. Her employer let you live rent free if your mom accepted a cheaper pay check. During one of her shifts, your mother ran right into Andrew Y/L/N. No, he wasn’t one of the hooker’s clients. He was actually on the property looking to buy out the place. Even though he was a Kook, he looked through the housekeeper’s uniform into my mom’s heart and loved everything about her. He took her on a couple dates, then less than a year later, married her. You changed your last name to his because you didn’t want any relation to your father anymore. You thought the man was scum and deserved to rot in hell for everything he put your mom through. You hated him and even wished for him to die. Sometimes you even thought about doing it yourself. But then you saw him again. At a gas station in the middle of The Cut. You couldn’t believe he recognized you and you were even more shocked he had the audacity to talk to you. And you listened. He told you how sorry he was. How he never meant to hurt your mom. How he missed his baby girl and wanted to be in her life again. You fell for every word because a part of you you didn’t know existed missed having a biological dad.
That was your biggest mistake.
He didn’t change. He was still the same bastard he was eight years ago, using violence and threats with people much weaker than him to get what he wanted. He loved guilting you with your new luxuries. How you now had everything right under your fingertips after you left him to wither away with nothing. He said you owed him. Because you were his daughter and you were supposed to love him unconditionally. And you fell for it every time. He never hurt you like he hurt your mom. A few slaps here and there but nothing to leave a mark to get your mother questioning.
So now you were trapped - trapped in his world and in his life. Using your own money that you actually worked for, little did JJ know, to pay for his bills, his drugs, and sometimes, even his bail.
You didn’t tell anyone about this secret life because you didn’t want anyone to make you feel any more pathetic and weak than you already felt. And most importantly, you didn’t want to hurt your mother by telling her you’ve been supporting the one person she’s been trying to protect you from.
And you were about to risk that by telling someone who probably still wouldn’t care about you even after hearing what you had to say. You are who you are. If JJ didn’t like you now, he shouldn’t like you after telling him your story, anyway.
“No.” You shook your head.
“No?” JJ scoffed. “I’m finally asking you tell me something and you’re saying no?”
“Because you don’t care, JJ! Not really. You think knowing my sob story is going to get you to like me? I don’t need a pity friendship. I am who I am because of shit I’ve had to overcome. And this is me now. So if you don’t like it, then fine. We’ll do it your way and call it quits.” JJ didn’t say anything as you turned around to find somewhere to pass out in hopes of getting morning to come faster.
You found a blanket deep into the cabin and pulled it over your body, shielding yourself away from the world. You hoped the darkness would sweep through your head so you wouldn’t be plagued with torturous thoughts about your past or what’s going to happen to tomorrow. You cried - you cried because even after JJ ripped into your like a zoo animal, he still hated you.
JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because you didn’t have him.
***********************
Surprisingly, the sun rose sooner than you expected it to. Sleeping on the swaying boat wasn’t as awful as you thought it was going to be. In fact, it was kind of peaceful with the stars above you and the sound of moving water right under you.
The morning wasn’t so calming. You were slapped in the face with memories of the night before. Your stomach twisted at the thought of being face to face with JJ again. You knew what you had to do and thinking about it made you sick and depressed.
You pushed yourself up and checked the time on the radio. 8:03. Anxiety instantly flooded through you. You only had two hours to get home to be ready in time to run ‘errands’ with your dad.
You looked out to the back of the boat where JJ was looking into the horizon, probably waiting for your friends to come.
Fresh set of tears pricked your eyes at what’s to come. You loved your friends and you even loved JJ. But you couldn’t stay with the Pogues. You didn’t want to make JJ any more uncomfortable than he already was and you were afraid the constant fighting would push your friends further apart. You didn’t want to be the reason for that.
You pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and walked next to JJ. Without a word, you looked out in the same direction he was looking and admired the morning sun.
Surprisingly, JJ was the first one to speak. He looked at you and instantly felt guilty all over again. He tossed and turned all night contemplating on whether he should wake you up to apologize or just wait until morning. He knew he wasn’t being fair. You’ve done nothing but tried to earn his trust since day one. You accepted him for all his flaws and he couldn’t do the same for you. Yeah there was the phone thing and not telling the others what you’re up to, but it wasn’t like you were constantly in his business. If you see him with unexplained bruises, you don’t pester him about it. If he comes back to the Chateau in a pissy mood and blames it on a fight with his dad, you try to make him forget about it with a distraction instead of making him tell you what the fight was about. Why couldn’t he give you the same respect?
Truth was he wasn’t so much worried about his friends getting hurt as he was getting hurt. He liked you more than a friend should which would make your departure from your friends that much more heartbreaking for him. He never felt this way over a girl, let a lone a Kook and he tried so desperately to hate you. But it didn’t work. Instead, it made him feel like the biggest asshole in the world. He wanted to fix what he broke. He told himself he still had time left. His friends weren’t back yet to get him.
“Listen, Y/N -”
“It’s fine, J,” You sniffled. This time you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your cheeks. You tried blinking them away which only made them fall faster. You hated crying in front of people. Your dad always said it was a sign of weakness and you believed him. You wouldn’t be surprised if JJ laughed in your face right now and called you a loser. “It’s done.”
“What are you talking about?”
JJ’s heart physically broke when he saw your tears. He had never seen you cry. Not even out of joy. He couldn’t believe he was the cause of this. That he had made someone as beautiful and as kind as you actually feel bad about herself. He wished he could take back time and start over. He wished he gave her a chance from the beginning. He wished it wasn’t too late.
You both looked up when you heard the engine of the HMS Pogue. In the distance, you could hear your friends laughing and calling out to you, not yet realizing their plan went to shit. You had to make this quick.
“The last thing I want is to get between you and your friends. You don’t have to worry about me hurting anyone, especially Kie. I’ll back off.” You said, making JJ’s brows furrowed in confusion and his heart raced with worry. “I’m giving you what you want. I’ll stay out of your life.”
JJ couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he drove you to do the one thing he actually never wanted you to do. “Wait. You’re leaving?”
You looked JJ in the eyes and he wished you didn’t. Because for the first time, he didn’t see the light behind your eyes or the little crinkle in the corner when you smiled. They were dull and lifeless, making him sick to his stomach.
“I didn’t stutter. Did I?” You used his words from the other night and it felt like a stab in the heart to JJ.
JJ was left speechless which almost never happens. He wished he could say something, anything, to make you feel differently, to tell you he was wrong and sorry. But nothing came out. He could barely breathe.
“Hey you crazy kids,” Kie’s voice pierces the air, jokingly and airy. If only she knew that wasn’t how you were feeling.
“Missing a key or something?” John B joked alongside her.
“You should have called us sooner!” Pope added.
When the boat came closer to yours, they finally got a look at the two of you. They were shocked to see you silently crying and looking like all the life had been sucked out of you. JJ looked mad but they couldn’t tell whether he was mad at you or them or himself.
The three of them went sick with anxiety, suddenly wondering if this was a bad idea. Kie tried to get you make eye contact, but you wouldn’t look at her. You couldn’t look at any of them - afraid you might actually break completely if you did.
“Y/N/N...” Kie said softly.
“You guys okay?” John B asked wearily.
JJ helped Pope tie The Pogue to Heyward’s boat and hopped on right after. Pope traded spots with JJ and came up beside you and stood there awkwardly. He didn’t know what to do either.
You looked up at him before he could come up something probably stupid to ask. “Can you drop me off please?”
Pope glanced back at his friends and nodded. “Uh, sure. John B will probably get you there faster though if you -”
“No, it’s okay,” You said. You didn’t think you’d be able to handle being in an enclosed space with JJ for another minute. You just wanted to go home and forget the past two years ever happened. “I’ll stay here.”
Pope shrugged at his friends when you trudged back into the cabin and curled yourself into the corner. You didn’t know what the next few weeks would be like, but you hoped they go better than the last twenty four hours did.
#jj maybank fic#jj x reader#jj fic#jj maybank#jj#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank one shot#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x kook!reader#outer banks#outer banks fic#outer banks imagine#john b routledge#kiara carrera#pope heyward
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Night Explosions (KRBK)
Kiribaku Writing. There will be a part 2 here and I will post it here as soon as I'm done with it. Hope you enjoy this! TW: Self Harm
Bakugo Katsuki, his one and only, was like the sun to him. He’d do anything for the sun to continue shining throughout his life. But what happens if the sun’s light tends to lose that light? Kirishima had never seen Bakugo shed any tears around others or any emotion that wasn’t anything but anger and annoyance. He had seen him happy, even smiling when he’s alone with him. This was the first time he had ever seen him cry. Right in front of him was Bakugo with tears running down his face as he looked at the redhead with a pained expression.
Kirishima was playing a few games on his phone at 2 in the morning. He shouldn’t be up this late and he knows a certain blonde will lecture him tomorrow morning if he ever dozes off in class. He was beginning to feel a bit tired, as he stopped playing and got ready to go to bed until he heard a loud bang coming from the next door. It sounded like Bakugo’s explosions going off in his room but he wasn’t sure if it was that. He decided to head out and go in his dorm to find out what exactly set off that noise.
Kirishima went outside of his dorm, wearing his unmatched pajamas and shark slippers, as he goes up to Bakugo’s dorm and knocks twice. “Bakubro, are you okay? I heard a noise. Can I come in?” he asked. He waits for a response but hears nothing but silence. Did he even hear him? A few minutes passed and he had heard nothing from Bakugo. He was getting worried so without even thinking, he went into the room to see Bakugo on his bed, with his arms covered in bruises.
“What- what the fuck you doing in here? Leave me alone, shitty hair.” he heard from the male but how could he just leave him there in pain. He slowly approaches him, already seated on the bed as he gently wraps his arms onto him, trying not to place any weight onto Bakugo’s arms so as to not to hurt him. He leaned in closer to his ear and whispered, “It’s alright.. I’m here. You can let it all out and I won’t judge you for it. I promise. What stays in this room will stay here.” As he said this, the blonde hugged back letting his snot and teared covered face on his shoulder.
Kirishima had never known that he could cry like the rest of us. He shouldn’t assume that in the first place. Bakugo was human too and that means he is capable of showing every emotion by the book. Even when in tears he couldn’t help but feel his chest ache. He didn’t like seeing him hurt, especially the fact those bruises were caused by him.
A couple of moments of hugging, Bakugo eventually pulled away from him. His red eyes wander elsewhere as he takes a few glances at Kirishima. The redhead notices this and places his hands on the blonde’s cheek, cupping it while wiping the tears away from his eyes. “Bakugo, I’m here if you want to talk. Whatever that’s upsetting you, we can go through it slowly. You don’t need to tell me, I’ll just be here. Also, I need to tend to your bruises if it’s alright?” he said, as he reassured him.
Bakugo nodded, as he then went to lay down on his bed. Kirishima stood up and headed to the kitchen to get an ice pack from the fridge. They always have an ice pack prepared due to training, and luckily there was one more left. After grabbing an ice pack, he also grabs a water bottle and goes back to Bakugo’s dorm.
He went inside into Bakugo’s room, still in the same position in which he had left him. He sits down beside him and lightly taps his leg. “I’m here now, can you sit up? I’ll just press up this ice pack on the bruises.” He says. “Oh, have a drink!” he hands him the bottle of water and lets him drink. A nice glass or bottle of cold water sure hits right when you’re upset.
Something tells him this is gonna be a long night.
Two pairs of red eyes, staring into each other as the room’s atmosphere grew thick. Both sitting on the edge of the bed, as the tension grew between them. Oh, how Katsuki wanted to cry again and be held by the redhead’s arms. Wait, him in Kirishima’s arms? No fucking way will he let himself do that. If it were someone other than Kirishima, he wouldn't hesitate to throw them out of his room. What was different about him than other people? Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s the way he looks at him, the way he was smiling at him, or the fact that he stayed despite being so difficult. He had friends before, but none like Kirishima. Everyone was nothing but an extra to him, someone that he looks down on but when it comes to Kirishima, he had come to terms that he might not be just another extra in his life.
As much as Kirishima worshiped him, he too had been seeing him as someone who was higher, not as a hero but as a person in his life. Kirishima, someone who he was comfortable with. The way he talks to people, creating connections was really something he admired. He was never good at talking and it came off as rude but the redhead made it look so easy, that he at least tried to be closer despite not wanting to have anything to do with them. Days turned to weeks of trying and he had made a few more friends, gaining at least some respect in class while he had fun. It was nice. He really was missing out. Back in middle school, the people he once called friends were only friends with him out of fear or great admiration. It was all he knew.
Everything he experienced in U.A was different. Everyone was on his level and he wasn't always going to be the top student in his class. He has to work hard for it more than he ever thought of. Not really a big deal, until a certain green-haired nerd entered, U.A. How others thought of him wasn't really affecting him until after the kidnapping incident.
“How could he ever be a hero when he got captured by those villains?”
“Did he cry? I bet he did.”
“He ain’t strong enough to be a hero! Just look at him! He got captured by villains because of how weak he is.”
“His attitude doesn’t scream out heroic. Like, seriously why is he still here?”
These were the voices that kept echoing through his head. Even if he doesn’t seem affected by it, it hits him hard like a punch to the gut. As much as he wants to convince himself that he was fine, he wasn’t. The nightmares came by every night, with these voices and the whole kidnapping. It was painful, but as days went by the feelings grew numb. He was restless, tired and stressed. Always seemed angry which made the class grow a bit more distant with him, but Kirishima didn’t. He always was there for him even when he was tired and no matter how many times he told him to ‘fuck off’, he didn’t but sometimes if he seriously wants him to fuck off he would respect that and leave.
Now, face to face with him. The redhead seeing his ruined face, really damages his pride. What does he think of him now? A weakling, he is. But then, Kirishima had to say those sweet words. Those sweet fucking words, that left him in his arms, crying. He was being this nice, sweet, goofball that he always was in class and he was still treating him like an equal rather than a weakling.
Even after pouring his eyes out, being soft and shit, it felt right. It felt so right to cry into his arms. The warmth that emits from the redhead's arms, the gentle and soft touch of his hands that were rubbing his back and caressing his hair. As much as he hates to admit this, he likes this. No. He fucking loves this. Being comforted, a friend to cry on, and the warm feeling that emitted from both their bodies. Everything. If only time could just stop, he wouldn't have to continue worrying. He wouldn't have to think about anyone's opinion. Just him and Kirishima, cuddling, showing him the affection he never received as a child.
He never admitted this to anyone, but when it comes to family, he never received that much affection. The expectations, a father who wasn't always there for him and a mom who verbally abuses him. All this pride and anger he has was all from his mother. Maybe if his mother didn't compare him to a certain nerd, he wouldn't have told him to take a swan dive off the roof.
It was all too much. He was so glad that he moved into the U.A dorms. He couldn't endure another nagging of how weak he was during the kidnapping incident or the sports festival. He is never good enough for his mom and his dad doesn't do anything but let his mom nag at him. Home wasn't what others thought it would be.
The love, comfort and acceptance wasn't present. If it was then he wouldn't have to be burdened by all the problems he has. He wouldn't have to hide what he feels and act the way he does. Right now, he's getting what he had always secretly wanted to feel. The feeling that made his heart ignite and melt into a mess. It felt foreign to feel such things but it wasn't bad. It was good.
He got an ice pack and a bottle of water, brought by the redhead. Grateful, he drinks the whole bottle in a matter of seconds, which proves how parched he was. Done with said bottle, he places it on his nightstand and diverts his gaze anywhere from Kirishima. One more look into his bright red eyes was enough for him to retort back, due to how embarrassed he was of the whole 'hugging' situation. Despite that, he can feel his stare. The stare that was burning through his mind, seeing right past everything he wanted to hide. His hands were shaking, his whole body was just shivering from what Kirishima would say next. But nothing was said. They sat there for what felt like hours beyond end, which made him uncomfortable. Who wouldn't be, when you're being stared at without the other saying a thing. It was pure torture. Agitated by the sound of silence, he decides to break it with the courage he had left.
“What are you lookin’ at?"
“What are you lookin’ at?” he heard the blonde uttered, making him snap out of his own thoughts. He didn’t expect himself to zone out like that in front of him.
Kirishima was a bit occupied with his own thoughts, to even notice the atmosphere around him. The silence was nonexistent due to the voices that kept echoing in his head. Those voices were clashing against each other. One side was asking him to talk to him while the other was thinking it was a bad idea and that he should wait for him to speak up. Those voices of his were weighing pros and cons in the situation he’s in but thankfully Bakugo had said something for him to snap out.
Upon hearing his words, he smiles nervously, “Oh, sorry! I zoned out a little bit there.. So Bakugo, you okay? No need to tell me and all but I wanted to ask if you were.” he asked, reassuring him that he won’t force him to open up with him, if he didn’t want to. He would like him to open up, due to how concerned he was for him. He was worried, and wanted to know what has been bothering him all this time.
It has been some weeks since he’s noticed his behaviour. His demeanor, and attitude have changed slightly. He was sluggish and had caught the blonde almost drifting away in class. His loud and explosive attitude was there but more so whenever he shouts at one of his classmates, he had this tired tone which was faint and barely noticeable. Some teasing where he didn’t even try to fight back and just sit there unresponsive. It was like he was in a world of his own.
Kirishima had a lot of good times with Bakugo, despite their personalities clashing against each other. People question how Kirishima was able to be friends with a guy like him. Look, he wasn’t just any guy to him. He admires his quirk, his aspiration and how he strives to become the No. 1 Hero. Not only that, sometimes he can find his personality unique. His personality isn’t ideal but he makes up for his intelligence, confident, talented, and honest friend. He is really great despite how rude and harsh he is to others, unless you gain his respect. He knows that he means well and he does care despite the “Idgaf” attitude. If they ever speak trash about his bro, he would totally prove them wrong.
Kirishima mostly puts others first than himself. As he said to his classmates, if he doesn't act now, forget being a hero, he’s not even a man. With his strong sense of righteousness and chivalry, he fears not being able to do anything. Being a hero is a person who does the job whether he is scared or not. All of them have their strengths and weaknesses, but that doesn’t stop them from doing what’s right. Kirishima strives to become a hero to protect. A hero that can protect the people he can reach. People like the normal citizens that roam throughout the streets, his classmates, and especially his friends. Everyone mattered, especially people who have gone astray from the path of righteousness. He’d help everyone who needs saving, for the reason he doesn’t want anyone to feel helpless in their own situation. He strives to protect. He has always cared about others and nothing will ever change that.
Kirishima now sits on his bed, as he awaits for him to speak up once again. Letting his eyes stare deeply into those bright red orbs of his, which shined just like stars. He hopes that his friend, his manly bro, will open up to him without feeling he had to by force.
Bakugo wanted to tell him but he couldn’t get the right words to come out of his mouth. Tongue tied, and a little distraught he decides that he didn’t want the redhead to think of him as weak. He was embarrassed. Why did he let him see that side of him? He should have kicked him out earlier but he didn’t. He wanted him to stay, letting his own body get wrapped up by him as he spouts out comforting words to him. His sense of pride was slowly coming together giving him the ability to do what he had to.
Standing up, he heads towards the door, opening it as he looks back at the redhead once again. "Thank you for the sentiment, but I want you to leave." In a cold tone, he asked Kirishima to leave. Pride intact and a change of heart, he didn’t want to let the redhead know more than he'd let him."Also.. don't go off and tell this to anyone or I'll fucking blow your face off." he threatens.
Bakugo has always pushed away people, especially when he’s at his lowest. The expectations and standards of people and also his views and perception on himself, greatly affects on what others think whenever he is at his lowest. That aggression was all but a mask to shield himself from the hurt he was hiding. He never would let anyone see his weaknesses unless you’re lucky enough to catch him during those times.
He never liked being vulnerable, especially in front of him.
Kirishima nodded, as he stood up from the bed and headed his way out. It wasn’t even his business in the first place but he deeply cared for him. He respected the blonde’s decision but as he made his way out, he looked back. His red eyes looking back at him, a small smile plastered on his face as he opens his mouth.
“If you ever need someone to talk to, give me a text and I’ll be at your room in a matter of seconds. Hope you’re okay, there.. Whatever stays in this room is just between me and you, so no need to worry. I'm not a snitch.” he says as he then heads out, uttering a small goodnight before he heads to his room.
The following day, Kirishima couldn’t help but lay down on his bed, wondering if there will be another explosion tonight. Earlier that day, he had been glancing at Bakugo, which didn’t help the blonde’s mind at all. Despite Bakugo noticing this, he lets him as he was too drained to even call him out for it.
Bakugo was too drained to even bother what people say or tease at him. He did his best to continue working on his studies and assignments rather than wasting any energy on any extras that bothered him. Just a normal boring day, until at night it happened again.
He woke up, with cold sweat dripping down from his forehead. 'Another one', he thought as he looked at the palms of his hands. They were covered in sweat. The smell of burning sugar filled the air as he ignited his quirk ever so slightly on one hand.
A loud sharp pop went out causing the blonde to hiss in pain. “Shit...” he cursed quietly, as droplets of blood began to hit the cold, hard floor. It wasn’t that big of a deal. He was used to it despite the sharp burning pain. Other than overworking himself down to the bone, this was his way of relieving himself. Sleep, Eat, Workout and training was mostly everyday to him with a few interactions with his so called ‘friends’ (if he was even considered as a friend).
After that loud pop, little did he know Kirishima was at the other end of the door.
#kiribaku#mha writings#kirishima x bakugou#kirishima eijirou#bakugou katsuki#tw nightmares#self harrrm#Poor bakugo ;-;#Kiri trying to help
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The OM! Characters as Retail Workers/Positions from my old job
Full disclosure: I’ve only had 1 retail job, and it was at a Homegoods. I worked there for 3+ years during college. Because I’ve only had this one experience, my below hc’s for the boys may be a little...specific to my previous job, and not universal traits that come with all retail jobs.
Also I’m not including Luke because thattttt is child labor.
This is probably a very self-indulgent headcannon. Oh well.
Lucifer:
(One of) the store managers. Specifically the assistant manager.
Nice to customers to their face, but will fantasize about stabbing them once they leave.
Asmo once walked past the manager’s office and witnessed Lucifer professionally apologizing to a bitching customer over the phone, only to slam the receiver down moments later, sighing and mumbling “what an idiot.”
Very watchful of his staff. Do not slack off while he’s working....unless he likes you. In which case, he will take a moment to chat with you and give himself a much needed break.
If he doesn’t like you, well...make yourself busy, or else you’ll get a stern talking to, and likely written up. Lucifer already has too much work to get done--he doesn’t want to babysit his staff.
Quietly schedules the people he likes to work during his shifts whenever he can, since he knows he can trust them to do their work. Not to mention, he enjoys their company a lot.
His favorite crew to have is Beel, Asmo, and Satan (and MC). Their schedules, of course, don’t always line up, but when they do he seriously thinks that he has the dream team.
Mammon:
Cannot be trusted to actually organize the store, so he gets stuck at the registers.
However, the managers quickly realize that he's shit at anything front-end related aside from counting money (the man likes his money), and that he's prone to pulling out his phone when no one is around, so Lucifer forces him to work the floor.
They start trying to give him more backroom shifts (because if he's not doing his work, they'll be able to tell easier).
HOWEVER--because Mammon is such a money lover, he’s very aware of every piece of expensive merchandise in the store. So if a customer attempts to switch tags, or peels the price tag off hoping to pull a quick one on the cashier, his coworkers always call him up so he can take a look.
Seriously, the amount of people that try to buy the $100+ gem rocks for $9.99 is crazy.
He feels very proud of himself whenever he manages to stop a customer from getting away with it.
He’s not the best worker in general, but the mangers would be lying if the said they didn’t appreciate his knack for remembering the expensive items.
Levi:
Cash office.
Prefers to sit in the locked office by himself, listening to music on his phone as he runs checks the register balances from the previous day.
If he's not doing cash office, he's probably out gathering carts, or compacting boxes in the back.
Whatever keeps him away from the bulk of customers.
Whenever the managers need him to go help out on the floor, he gets permission to not wear his apron.
He seriously does not want anyone to talk to him. He just wants to work in peace.
Of course, if he’s seen organizing, or stocking shelves, customers tend to assume he’s an employee anyway--even without the apron.
Levi legitimately jumps anytime someone calls out to him and asks if he works there, and if he can help them.
Oh, and he always brings his Switch to work and plays games on his lunch break. Do not talk to him if he’s playing his game--he will get mad at you.
Satan:
Flow & mark-downs.
He's basically an all-rounder, but is superior to the others in putting out new merchandise (flow). He knows where things go, and how they should be organized.
Secretly gets annoyed when customers ask him for help when he's in the zone, but is very good at faking a smile.
Will do what’s asked of him without any lip in return.
However, rude customers should beware of him, because his anger tends to flip on like a switch. If a customer is badmouthing him, or one of his coworkers--he has no issue telling them they’re a fool, and that they should just leave instead of causing issues.
He gets in trouble with management for doing this, but honestly has no regrets.
Definitely has regular customers that he is enemies with.
Gets left in charge of the store if the managers ever need to step away for their lunch break, or otherwise.
Asmo:
Lead cashier.
Super charming, great customer service voice.
Always gives a good impression on the phone, and manages to make peppy announcements.
If there’s ever a fundraiser going on, and the cashiers are supposed to ask for donations, Asmo is guaranteed to rake in the most.
He is very good at calming a customer if they're upset--apologizing and and being so sweet and polite that it’s nearly impossible to stay mad.
However, if they're rude to him, or his apologies go on deaf ears, he has no problem politely telling them to fuck off.
If he’s not at the registers, he’s probably off in the bath section--smelling soap--or the candle section--sniffing literally every candle in existence.
He’ll also be sure to get a whiff of whatever candle/soap a customer has brought to the register to purchase.
Runs off to visit other stores in the mall/strip when he’s on his break. (Aka. he spends way too much of his paycheck shopping).
Beel:
Back room - heavy lifter.
Dude spends most of the day in the stock room emptying the truck and building furniture.
Seriously can move big things with very little effort. He once carried an entire couch out onto the sales floor buy himself.
While other coworkers may need to use carts or flatbeds to move larger items, Beel can legit just throw them over his shoulder and continue on his way like he’s not carrying anything at all.
He looks intimidating but is actually super friendly.
Will always work extra hours if you ask him to. Will also come in for extra shifts if you ask him to.
He always feels so guilty if he can’t accept, or needs to call off.
The type of coworker that goes out to buy snacks on his break, and ends up buy snacks for the rest of the staff. He just leaves them on the break room table with a note that says “Eat up :)”
Belphie:
Closer - Sales Floor.
The managers tried to work him on morning or midday shifts, but he was continuously too groggy, and ended up knocking things over on accident.
Hes more energetic at night, so they put him on the sales floor (since he’s honestly...not the best at the register. Don’t get me wrong, he can work the register as well as anyone else, but...he just...doesn’t sound friendly. (Lucifer: “Belphie...at least try to sound like you’re not working here against your will when talking to the customers. You applied for this job.”))
He honestly doesn't mind organizing merchandise, but gets annoyed if he ends up doing the bulk of the work. (Whether it’s because they’re short staffed, or because his coworkers are slacking).
Has no problem telling customers to gtfo when it’s closing time.
If people are still in the store 5 minutes after closing, he’ll follow them around until they finally take the hint and leave.
Always stops for fast food on his way home after work because making himself a meal sounds like too much effort.
Diavolo:
Store Manager.
Is very kind to all of his employees, but will also have hard conversations with them if there’s an issue regarding their performance that needs to be addressed.
However, he always does his best to maintain good relationships with everyone he works with.
Will buy lunch for the staff on busy weekends, even if he has to pay for the food himself. He wants to let his employees know that they’re appreciated, and while he’s the type to give verbal affirmation of a job well done, a luncheon doesn’t hurt either.
Even if customers are bitchy, he never raises his voice, or yells. He handles complaints like a champ.
If the customer physically or verbally abuses one of his workers, however...he will threaten to call the police. Do not fuck with his work children.
If his employees ever find him sighing, or looking like he’s stressed, then they know he’s definitely having a rough day. Please work hard, and help him out, and he’ll very much appreciate it.
Barbatos:
The 4th key. (Basically a manager)
Some workers are scared of him because he always seems to be in a good mood--even if the store is packed, and things get overwhelming.
A very by-the-book type. While Lucifer and Diavolo may allow for some things to get overlooked, or for there to be a lapse in proper procedure, Barbatos is not like that. Rules are rules, and they shall be followed.
Honestly is a very nice guy, but working a closing shift with him can be the worst. Especially if Diavolo is the opening manager the next day.
He will keep his staff there after closing as long as he needs to for the store to be in an acceptable condition. (The worst part is that Diavolo honestly is so easy going that if Barbatos had just opted to say “we were very busy and didn’t have the time to get everything done”, Diavolo wouldn’t blame him. Shit gets crazy).
Alas, Barbatos wants to please Diavolo and takes his role very seriously.
At least he brings in homemade baked goods for the staff sometimes. (His good cooking usually makes up for all the times he has kept them late).
Solomon:
Another all rounder. Usually get scheduled on midday shifts to bridge the gap between the openers, and closers.
Is very good at keeping up his “customer service” facade.
However, once there are no customers around his smile will fall, and he’ll mumble complaints under his breath.
“Why does one couple need 15 candles?” “Lady, I don’t care about your chihuahua’s sleeping habits--just buy the pet bed already.”
Will always tease his coworkers if he gets along with them. Bickering with Solomon can become a very entertaining past time if he likes you.
Whenever new crystals, or rocks come in, usually he’ll spend a while inspecting them. Apparently he can tell which ones are real, or fake. (And he always ends up buying the real ones).
He’s the type of coworker that will sneak up behind you and scare you when you’re not paying attention. Just because he can. (Fight him, he loves it).
Simeon:
One of the sweetest staff members, but he’s prone to getting flustered and making mistakes.
If he’s on registers, he’s so busy trying to start a conversation with the customer that he’ll short them on their change.
Luckily, the customer is either patient in waiting for the manager to come up and open the register, or doesn’t care about the 22 cents Simeon forgot to give them.
He loves reorganizing the towel section of the store the most. Getting to stand there and refold towels almost feels like meditation to him.
Always goes out of his way to ask the customer if he can help them with anything, or if they’re finding everything alright.
Is prone to accidentally cutting himself when something sharp breaks. (It has literally gotten to the point where if a ceramic plate or something glass breaks, the managers have instructed Simeon to call someone else to clean it up, rather than doing it himself.)
Honestly, in the end, he’s a fabulous worker tho.
#i have so many stupid stories from my retail job lmao#om!#obey me#obey me headcanons#lucifer#mammon#levi#leviathan#satan#asmo#asmodeus#beel#beelzebub#belphie#belphegor#diavolo#barbatos#simeon#solomon
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Kou Nightmares Smutt
Starring my O/C Kora
Trigger warning, sexual, verbal and physical abuse.
I laid next to the pop idol vampire and watched as his beautiful face contorted in pain. The grey silk sheets wrapped around his body tighter with every twitch and moan. My heart hurt watching him like this, but I also knew it was a bad idea to wake someone up from a night terror. Instead i scooted closer to him and tried to put my arm around his chest-
“Don't touch me!” He screamed and I thought he had finally woken up.
“Kou, honey” I started but was interrupted with a loud moan from Kou. Oh my poor baby. I thought to myself. I moved my arm slowly closer to his chest and moved my head to kiss his. When my arm connected with his body Kou jerked and sat up gasping for air.
“Hey,” I whispered. “It's ok now. It was just a dream. Im here.” Kou Jumped at the sound of my voice and spun around with a wild look in his eyes. He leaned forward growling and showing his fangs.
“I won't let you hurt me again you son of a bitch!” He yelled wrapping his hands around my throat and pushing me back down onto the bed. I gasped and struggled against him trying to think what I should do. I gently placed my hands on either side of his face.
“Kou, baby. It’s me. It's your Masa- Kitty.” I choke out struggling for air. When my hands touched his face Kou snapped out of it and wretched back staring at his hands.
“Oh my god. What have I done? Are you ok kitten?” He said fear and anxiety in his voice and showed in his face.
“I’m fine.” I rasp, taking his hands in mine. “Are you ok?”
“You're worried about me? I just tried to kill you!” Kou whispered trying to pull his hands out of mine.
“Of course i am worried about you. You didn't mean to hurt me. It was just a bad dream.” I said gripping his hands tighter so he couldn't pull them away. Kou’s shoulders slouched as he hung his head and began to cry. I pulled him into my chest and stroked his hair.
“It’s ok baby. I'm here.” I whispered as I kissed the top of his sweat drenched golden hair. “I won't let anything happen to you. I've got you now.” Kou cried into my chest for a while before he sat up and took my face in his hands. His mismatched eyes searching mine for any sign of fear or anger.
“Are you sure you aren't hurt?” He whispered. When I shook my head he pulled me into his chest. “God, I'm so sorry Kitten.” I held him back not saying anything and nuzzled my face into his chest. Kou let out a long sigh and relaxed slightly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, moving my head up to look at his face.
“Oh you know. It was the same ol stuff. No biggie.” He said with fake happiness.
“Kou,” I said, pulling away from him and putting my hands on his shoulders. “Please don't do that fake happy stuff with me. You are safe with me. I won't judge you if you're not ok. I'm your girlfriend and I love you.” I said seriously. His eyes widened at that as if he were shocked.
“You didn't know that before?” I asked. My handsome boyfriend shook his head sadly. “Oh honey. Come here.” I said patting the space of the bed beside me. Kou silently moved sitting with his back against the headboard. He stared straight ahead, his eyes going in and out of focus for a minute before he looked over at me.
“I-I have never had anyone say that to me. Well except my brothers.” He said with a sad smile.
I didn't say anything, just looked at him. I knew how he felt.
“When I was a kid,” I started, “I was moved around a lot. My parents died a few days after I was born and I was passed from foster home to foster home. No family ever wanted to keep me for longer than a month and sometimes it was just for the paycheck.” Isaid. “And the other times they wanted… more… from me. And when they got what they wanted, I was passed on to the next house. I remember I was with this one family, the parents already had 2 kids of their own and decided to foster me. I was crying one night because I had woken up from a nightmare and the mom came bursting into my room and slapped me. She told me i was being too loud and i was ungrateful for the shelter they had given me and that i should pack my bags and get out now. So I did. As I was leaving she told me that I would never amount to anything except a whore.”
I stopped talking for a second to take a breath. Kou had slid his hand into mine and was watching me as I talked. “After that place the foster system didn't really care where I went. Every place got worse than the last and I never had anyone to cry out to at night. So I've never had anyone say that to me before either. But I want you to know that I mean it.” I smiled slightly at him. His face was full of rage and his grip on my hand tightened. I was terrified. Oh shit. I thought, I shouldn't have done that. He probably thinks I'm trying to take his pain and try to beat it. Fuck. What do I do? How do I make this right? Before I could say anything Kou took my chin in his fingers and jerked my face to look at him. His face was full of rage and hatred.
“I’m sorry Kou.” I said as I pulled my chin from his fingers. “I didn't tell you that to make you feel bad for me or anything, I wasn't trying to one up your pain, I just wanted to tell you I understood if you didn't believe me when I said I wont judge you. I'm sorry Kou.” I said sheepishly. I scooted away from him and averted my eyes. Trying to do anything to keep this situation from getting out of control.
“Why are you sorry? I know that’s what you were trying to say. I know you weren't trying to one up me. Please don't be afraid of me, kitten.” He said as he reached to try to pull me back to him. I stiffened for a second and relaxed when I saw the truth of his words in his eyes.
“Is it ok if i ask you about your past?” He asked as he pulled me closer to him. “I just want to know more about your life.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” I replied. Kou had told me all about his past when I saw the scars on his back.
“Ok. What did they do to you?” he asked. His face was full of worry. “You don't have to tell me that. Sorry that was stupid.”
“No, it wasnt stupid. I don't have a problem talking about it.” I said “Most of the time it was the men who wanted me to touch them and a few times it was both the man and the woman. When I was 8 I stayed with the one couple who had a theater in their basement and told me they were going to have me put on plays for them. I was excited about that. I had always wanted to be in a play. They told me to call them mamma and pappa. One day momma came into my room with a beautiful white dress. She told me to get changed that the play was going to start soon. She was all smiles and radiated happiness, so much so that I forgot to ask what the play was about. She took me downstairs where pappa was waiting. He had a big grin on his face and said are you ready to put on your first play darling? And led me to the stage. There were people everywhere, all men. Pappa told me they were his friends when I asked and I shrugged it off. I got onto the stage and bright lights lit up the stage. I was blinded at first so I didn't see the man come up behind me and grab me with his hand over my mouth. I screamed and he smiled saying how much he loved my scream. He ripped my new dress off with one hand and my underwear was thrown to the side. He put me on the bed that was on the stage and raped me.” I said. Kou sucked in a breath. “After he was finished another guy came up and then it was just one after the other. I don't know how many people did it, but I know I passed out from the pain after the second guy was done. I stayed with them for 6 months. And it was a regular occurrence. Every friday at 6.” I said without any emotion. Kou sucked in his breath again. “After that place I went to different places that wanted different things. Most of them wanted me to sell drugs for them and if I got short changed or some guy ran off without paying I got beat pretty bad. The final house I was at I was chained to the basement wall and whipped because I asked for a drink of water. I ran out of there and never went back to the foster system. They looked for me because I was only 12 when i ran away, but they gave up eventually and declared me dead.That’s when I met my brother Jeremy.” I said happily. “Jermey was an orphan too but he was 16 and had his own place. He invited me to live with him for a while. It wasn't always easy but we made it work. We were so happy.”
“Where is Jeremy now?” Kou asked
“Oh he’s a few towns over. He married my best friend and they had a daughter, Lucy.”
“Do you ever get to see them?”
“Oh every once in a while i'll go check in and tell them im alive, but since i've been here, I haven't seen them as much. That night you caught me sneaking out of the house, I was going to see them.” Kou stayed silent and stared at me with a sad expression. His sweet pink lips curled in a frown and his blue and pink eyes were full of self loathing.
“I know that this won't make up for everything we did to you before, But i am sorry. If I could go back and change it all I would.” He said sadly.
“I know you would Kou. But I’m not mad at you guys. I forgave you a long time ago.” I said truthfully.
“How can you not be mad at us? How do you not hate Us Kora? After everything you went through as a kid, and we treated you just as badly, if not worse.”
“You guys didn't know any better. You were just doing what you thought you had to do. Was it wrong, oh yeah. And there was a point where I hated every one of you, but then when I was told about the plan, things made more sense. Who am I to judge someone for following orders and doing what they believed was right?” I said looking at the wall in front of me. It was covered in pictures of me and Kou from his instagram account. I smiled as I looked at one where we both had big balls of pink cotton candy and were throwing pieces at each other and laughing. The ferris wheel in the back round lights up Kou’s smile casting multi colored orbs over his face and hair. “Plus, how could i stay mad at you all when we have made so many amazing memories together. The one with the cotton candy in particular. That was the night you told me you loved me.” I smiled and looked at a Kou, who was staring at me with his mouth slightly open like he was seeing a strange fish at the aquarium. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I chuckled.
“Are you for real? Like are you an actual person or am i dreaming again?” He said with disbelief.
“What? Don’t be stupid” I laughed “This would be a messed up dream. I mean who would ever dream of this” I said as I gestured to myself. Kou smiled and let out a small chuckle.
“Where have you been my whole life,” Kou asked as he took my cheek in one of his hands “I swear you have to be an angel. Only an angel could forgive the monsters who tortured her.” He said smiling at me.
“That or I just have a severe case of Stockholm syndrome.” I laughed. Kou’s face fell at that. “Oh, baby, I’m just kidding.”
“I have to be the luckiest man in the world.” Kou said, his blue eye looking into my green ones, His pink eye was covered by his hair. “I have to be. I never dreamed I would have a woman like you in my life. You have given me a new outlook on life. Before I met you all I was worried about was my career and impressing my fans. But then you came and turned it all upside down. You make me a better man Kora. I mean it. I am so lucky to have such a strong, loving, beautiful and smart woman as my girlfriend. I'll never let you go, and I swear i will never hurt you again.” He said, his eyes glowing with love.
“Ah, don't make promises you can't keep my love. I guarantee you are going to hurt me one day, and I will hurt you. It’s part of being in a relationship. Nothing is perfect.”
“Don't say that kitten. I am the epitome of perfection!” He smiled his chest swelling in mock pride. I laughed and swatted his arm. “I will never let anyone hurt you like that again. I promise. You will never feel that way again.”
“And I promise I won't let anything happen to you again Kou. and I have never broken a promise.” I said pulling him in for a kiss. It started out as a small sweet kiss but became deeper when Kou put his hand behind my head and pulled me on to his lap. I broke our kiss so that I could sweep his hair away from his fake eye. I held his face in my hands.
“I love you Kou.” I said and pressed my forehead against his.
“I love you too Kora.” He smiled back. “Hey, I want to meet Jeremy.” He said sitting up straight. What he said took me by surprise.
“Really?” I asked the surprise clearly in my voice.
“Yes. I do. I want to thank the man who saved the love of my life and meet your best friend and niece. I want to know all parts of your life.” He said with a grin on his face. It fell when he saw my smile falter. “What’s wrong? Do you not want me to meet them?”
“No, I do! I want that very much, it’s just that you won’t be able to meet her.”
“Why not?”
“She’s dead.” I said
“Oh, oh god i'm sorry.” Kou sad
“Don't be. You didn't know. But i really want you to meet Jeremy and Lucy!” I said getting excited again.
“It's a date then,” Kou said, moving off the subject. I could tell he wanted to ask how my best friend died but didn't, which I appreciated very much. “Now then, since you are still on my lap, how about I prove to you how lucky I am?” He grinned. I blushed, but shoved my lips into his as an answer. He took it the way I meant and turned me onto my back, never breaking his kiss. When he did I groaned.He chuckled and moved his hands down my body and kissed along my jawline down to my neck and collarbone. My fingers gripped his hair when he found the spot on my neck that I loved. He smiled and whispered “Found it” against my neck. I let out a small moan when his fangs teased the spot. He kissed the spot and lingered with his lips waiting for my permission to bite.
“Please, bite me Kou.” I whispered in a husky tone to which he groaned and slowly sang his face into my skin. I moaned and arched my back when I heard him moan as he was drinking my blood. Kous hands gripped my waist, Fingers digging into my hip. I squeaked at that and moved my hips closer to his. We pulled his mouth away from my neck, his eyes glazed over with lust and a little bit of blood dripped to his chin. I took my thumb and ran it to his lips and let him lick it clean.
Kou crushed his lips against mine and moaned when I bit his lower lip. One arm supporting him on his elbow, the other slowly, painfully slowly, roamed down to my pale purple pajama shorts. I let out a deep breath when he slipped his fingers under the elastic and began to tease my lower lips.
“Does that feel good kitten?” Kou asked his hot breath on my ear.
“Yes” I moaned. He chuckled and moved my panties to one side. He slipped two of his fingers inside me and kissed me swallowing the moan that came as he started pumping his fingers back and forth, hitting my g spot. When I began to clench my walls he put his thumb on my clit and gently pressed it. I moaned loudly. I could feel him getting harder against my thigh with each moan. I took my hand and gripped his thick member through his pants and panted when he groaned and he ground his hips into my arm. His forehead against mine, he removed his fingers from inside me, making me gasp. He moved my hand from his member and pinned both of my above my head.
“Prepare yourself little Masa- Kitty, I'm about to make you scream my name.” He said moving his face between my legs. With one hand he took off my shorts and pink lace panties. I lifted my legs to his shoulders and put my hands in his hair, working my finger around his gorgeous blond strands. He smiled and his face disappeared between my legs. I moaned and arched my back as he slowly licked between my mounds lips and sucked on my clit. He moaned against me when I gripped his hair tighter, pulling it gently. His tongue was working my clit faster and faster.
“AH- Kou im going to-'' He interrupted me as he shoved his fingers inside me and pumped them against my g spot. The knot in my stomach was getting too much to hold in and I said his name loudly as I came on his face. He eagerly began slurping up my juices. He sat up, wiping his face with his hands.
“That wasn't loud enough Kitten. I guess I'll have to work you harder to get you to scream.” He said with a grin that made me swoon. I sat up and gripped the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head and threw to a random corner. My tank top joined him in the corner and his pants and boxers followed soon after. He kissed me, his bare chest pressed against mine. I tried to sit up so I could take control but he held me down.
“Tonight I'm going to show YOU how much I love you.” He said in my ear. I squirmed beneath him and I could feel his swollen member twitch against the top of my thigh. Kou moved his hips between mine and settled his member against my opening. I turned my head, showing my neck.
“I want you to bite me when you go in.” I huskily said.
“Your wish is my command Kitten.” His lips latched on to my neck and he bit me as he slid into me. I let out a loud moan. His mouth left my neck as he began to thrust his hips in a steady rhythm. Kou planted a passionate kiss on my lips as he thrusted and moaned on my lips. Our moans were getting louder and he began to thrust harder. My walls tightened on his hard member and he grunted my name.
“Kora, oh my god. You feel so good. You're so wet. Listen. Can you hear your juices soaking me?” I moaned in response to the sound. My back arched higher as I came close to climax and suddenly Kou pulled out of me.
“What, Why?” I complained. A seductive smile played across his face as he lifted my on his lap to straddle him. His legs went straight out and he slammed himself inside me and moved his hips with mine as I rocked back and forth. My arms wrapped tightly around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist.
“Look at -ng- me kitten -uh-.” He demanded it. I obeyed, locking my eyes onto his. My Long black hair fell like a curtain on one side of my face. I flipped it back and Kou gripped a handful of my hair, holding it behind me and slightly pulling. I rocked my hips faster against him and he matched my pace.
“I want you to look me -ng- in the eyes when you come. Oh fuck! Scream my name Kitten. Scream it at the top of your lungs. I want the whole world- ng- to know you are mine!” as the knot in my stomach grew tighter i could feel his member throb inside me and i knew we were both about to climax so i moved my hips faster earning me a loud moan from kou.
“Kou, i'm going to”
“Uh. Me-ng- me too” as i was ordered I screamed his name as i reached ecstasy and he screamed mine just as loud. Panting we separated our sweating chests and kissed until he slowly got up and laid me down and removed himself from me.
He laid down next to me and we both turned on our sides. He stroked my sweaty hair from my face and kissed my forehead..
“I love you Kitten.” He said as he pushed his nose to mine. “Did I prove it?”
“Oh, yes. You proved it. I love you too Kou.” I smiled. His fingers made circles on my back. We talked about nothing for about an hour. Smiling and giggling together. I rolled onto my stomach and sat up.
“Mhm/ I need to take a shower.” I said as I started to get off the bed. Kou followed me off the bed and we grabbed our clothes from the corner and went into the bathroom. Kou turned on the water as I grabbed towels and placed them on the wooden bench next to the shower. I stepped into the shower and Kou stood outside for a second.
“Aren't you coming?” I asked to get my hair wet. My pop star smiled at me and joined me in the shower.
“Yeah, I was just admiring the view.”
“Didn't you just get enough of the view a few minutes ago?” I asked with a small laugh.
“I’ll never get enough of you.” Kou said and kissed me pushing my face under the waterfall shower head. We took our time washing the sweat off of each other and I washed the idols beautiful blonde hair.
“Your hair is so soft!” I said Kou chuckled and shrugged his head into my hands. Enjoying the scalp massage. We finished our shower and dried off. As I headed for the bathroom door, Kou wrapped his arms around me from behind and started kissing my neck.
“Are you already wanting round two?” I giggled.
“No, “ He smiled “I'm just enjoying the way you smell.” He buried his face into my neck and I smiled hugging his arms.
Eventually we made it back to his bedroom and crawled into the bed. I laid my head on his chest and we fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms and neither one of us woke up from a nightmare.
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TLDR. too many mommy issues. reformed piece of shit who used to be a high school bully but is now 64% angel, thinks she’s funny and her best friend is her dad.
* taveeta szymanowicz, cisfemale + she/her | you know DAYANA DEVINE, right? they’re TWENTY-FOUR , and they’ve lived in irving for, like, TEN YEARS ? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to SEASHORE BY REGRETTES like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole ( velvet red mini skirts hiding insecurities, a smirk worn to suppress mean words, the faint taste of liquor on her lips ) thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is JANUARY 11TH, so they’re a CAPRICORN, which is unsurprising, all things considered.
A LITTLE ABOUT GROWING UP .
tw. alcohol, bullying mention, very short mention of verbal abuse. anything else i forgot to add just yell at me !!
she grew up with her father after her mother abandoned them without blinking an eye which turned out to be for the best since her mom was a raging alcoholic who spewed words of venom often. her father worked his ass off to provide for the two of them in irving, they struggled for quite a few years; eviction notices, threats of their electricity getting shut off, splitting frozen lunch meals, until he finally found a steady good paying job to provide for them.
still, dayana felt incredibly powerless. control is something a lot of teenagers yearn for and she found it incredibly challenging to have when the universe stacked all their cards against her. until high school ! where she finally allowed her mother’s killer instincts kick in, and found herself on top of the food chain rather than being stomped on like she’s used to. truly , an evil little bitch . dumping milk on her fellow classmates’ head to get a laugh, taking unflattering photos and uploading them online, emitting poison from her lips for the sake of doing so. she didn’t necessarily enjoy it, no matter how it looked, every time she’d look at herself in the mirror she’d see her mother staring back at her but, to her, it was survival. in that lame-ass cliche high school sort of way.
her reality check didn’t come into play until her second semester of college, where she decided to work through her mommy issues with a therapist in an attempt to redeem all of her wrongdoing. she knows, however, that the damager she caused for others is likely still present and is doing her best to make things rights.
PERSONALITY .
she can still have a mean streak though! she is REFORMED BUT NOT TAMED. she’s usually quite good at biting her tongue but sometimes judgement and cruel words slip out unintentionally, it’s a work in progress. but seriously she’s 5′4 like just push her down
as for the rest of her personality, especially now that she’s older, she’s loyal as fuck ! gives the best hugs since touch is her love language! will cut off her arm to make her friends smile! drinks tequila like it’s water on the weekends and will always be your bad influence to encourage you to do the drugs she’s too pussy to take.
an absolute flirt !!! boys, girls, she can’t help it baaaaby.
she understands she’s not perfect and has done some pretty fucked up things
TYPE 3 WITH 2 WING AKA PLEASE ACCEPT ME. SHE WILL DO WHATEVER POSSIBLE FOR PEOPLE TO BE PROUD OF HER.
super arrogant but super insecure. make it make sense.
thinks she’s funnier than she is. quotes way too many memes.
WANTED CONNECTIONS.
exes / previous high school sweethearts / fwb & the usual . we can talk about whether it’s on good or bad terms !
former best friend . think of heathers , her as heather duke and her friend as heather chandler ! after she got reformed , talked shit out in therapy , she unfortunately cut this person off , no matter how close they were.
prior victims. as i said, she used to be hella mean , maybe they’ve talked since then , maybe they haven’t. perhaps this person still hasn’t forgiven her ( we can talk about how bad it was , but probs v bad ). either way let her kiss ass to make things right .
ROOMMATES X
idk she could have been the villain anyone needs in their story .
ANYTHING !! gimme connects pls ! that one person who bumped ur muse on a train in the 1800s idk idk anything
(STATS THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT)
#irvingintro#this sucks but wanted connections are at the bottom x#BUT LOVE US#alcohol tw#abuse tw#bullying tw#IM SO EXCITED CAN U HEAR ME YELL
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