#if you say this is mean trust me the first draft was worse
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Let’s Talk
If you wanna skip the messiness and go to solutions, skip to the last four paragraphs and the resource list.
I know I’m one (probably loud, probably annoying) voice in a sea of many, but my spirit won’t let me rest until there is some kind of rectification. This is going to be it. If you’ve followed me for a while, you know this isn’t normal for me (and I don’t plan to do it in the future so don’t get used to it). I stick to my own corner of the internet and mind my business, but for now, we’re going to break the fandom wall a bit and talk about harm. As always in these discussions, I choose to practice reflexivity. I am a 27-year-old Black, pansexual, cisgender woman. I’ve been writing fanfiction for about 14 years. Because it’s relevant to this essay, my Master’s is in counseling with a specialty in BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ issues. My ongoing dissertation for my doctorate is on the intersections of race, sexuality, trauma, and cluster b personality disorders. I train new counselors on how to develop cultural humility and practice therapy with multicultural competency. If you’re new to the concept of reflexivity, know that these factors do not serve to claim that I am above reproach but instead serve as a clear understanding of my specific voice and lens. I’m trying to put aside my hurt feelings (and the urge to really dig in my heels and be nasty because the west end of Louisville wants to jump out, don’t let the job title fool you I still knuck and buck) and instead lead with empathy. I do not promise to be good at that, but I’m choosing to try to choose to “call in” rather than “call out.” At the end of this essay, I will also include a series of educational resources to aid in this discussion and provide further education.
I’m aware that Cor is gone, but as her impacts are still being felt, I intend to include her in this conversation. I will not be including screenshots because that feels disrespectful to me, but I will include relevant statements in quotation marks. For those of you who don’t know, Cor and I were paired together for the Buddie Big Bang. We worked collaboratively for several months and, on June 22nd, talked about selecting our posting date. On the 23rd, Cor contacted me in discord to inform me she was dropping from the big bang because she felt the “underlying themes” of my work were racist and that she could not in good conscience continue to work with me. I requested elaboration, but she did not respond. The way she phrased things, she made it seem like she had shared my work with “the BIPOC around me” as well as the mods of her server without my knowledge. Later, when pressed about this, she admitted that she had discussed my work with another individual without my knowledge or consent, which lent legitimacy to my concerns. Because of this, I chose to leave her server, not knowing that when you don’t share a discord server, you can’t talk to someone (I’m a Twitter girl like all the other therapists). Because of this, I tried to re-enter the server with the intention of leaving after I and the mods spoke. Seeing my request, Cor finally reached back out, apologized for “the way I phrased things,” and gave a surface-level explanation of the tropes of the white savior and spicy Latina, claiming that my fic fit into these tropes because Buck and Adriana are in opposition to one another. Personally, I encourage you to read it for yourself and draw your own conclusions but suffice to say, I did not agree. She informed me that she was attempting to protect me from “being torn down” like other authors she had observed during the blowback of the situation™ on her server. (Genuinely, I had no idea what she was talking about (I just caught up). I work 10-hour days, so I miss a lot. [Also now that I think about it, Cor trying to save me and be more “educated” than me literally places her in a white savior position. The jokes…well you know what they do.)
Again, I’m not beyond reproach. Because I always want to be reflexive, I shared my draft with my writing community, which consists of about 25 Black and Brown writers. They were confused about the claim. I was confused about the claim. We were all confused. I again attempted to engage Cor on this, but she was immovable. At this point, I wanted to discourse with someone other than her, so I contacted the 118 discord Tumblr account. It was still Cor. She made it appear that she had made the move to bar me from re-entry to the server (just to talk to her) not in isolation, but in collaboration with others (who? I didn’t know and no one else would answer me.) The conversation continued to be unproductive. She continued to emphasize the “immense amount of education [on race and racism in fic] that I have received over the last 10 days.” I will disclose that this is the point where I really started to get really pissed. There is something very activating about a white woman who’s been educated for 10 days trying to “educate” me on racist tropes while not being open to a perspective other than her own. In response to this, I chose to drop out of the big bang and upload the fic I wrote with a note calling attention to the claims (at this point, I hadn’t known who she had or hadn’t talked to and I was preparing myself for backlash.) If I had made a mistake, I wanted to face it head-on and open myself up to correction. I never want to cause harm with my writing and if I have, call me all the way out. We’ll discuss. We’ll confer. Changes will be made. The feedback I received was a resounding “WTF is she talking about,” which again pissed me off. When I again approached Cor with this, she gave (what felt to me like) a half-assed apology. We did not speak again, and there was never an attempt to rectify the situation despite the harm caused and I realized that had I not reached out to her, she would never have apologized. I was very upset about the experience, and when I noticed that Squid commented on it without ever speaking to me at all, I felt a type of way. I’ve tried to put to words this feeling, and I’ve decided that it felt like I was being left out of my own narrative. You could acknowledge that harm was done when speaking about me to others but couldn’t part your lips to speak to me about it until I tugged on your wig. It also again gave the impression that Cor’s decision had not been made in isolation. Language matters. Phrases like “our server,” and “we made the choice,” and “we weren’t comfortable with what might come from it” make this seem not like an individual action but the actions of a collective.
We’ve now gone from pissed to volcanic. I’ve kicked and screamed and cried and felt like shit and it all feels like it was for nothing.
But we move on.
Why do I still care so much, you may be asking. At the end of the day, this is conversation that is less about race and more about communication. Direct communication to be specific. When Cor came to the mods and made her claim, an easy way to rectify this situation quickly would have been to simply reach out and ask questions. “Can we read your draft?” “We have some concerns and we want to make our decision fairly.” I would have readily agreed and hurt could have been avoided. After everything came out, there still was no communication. There’s a saying: silence is complicity. Silence implies agreement (no matter how passive) with an action taken. Staying silent also puts the onus to correct the situation on the person who was harmed rather than the person (or people) who caused harm. It’s an inequitable shifting of power. This could have been resolved simply by someone be it Cor, be it a mod, anyone even passively involved choosing to reach out and say, “hey, we fucked up. We made a mistake and while we don’t want to let you back into the server, we acknowledge that it wasn’t right. We’re sorry.” It’s simple. This action requires a degree of humility and awareness. The fact that people had to be badgered into apologizing directly to me is, for lack of a better words, fucked up. It says to me that you’re not really sorry. You’re just saying what you have to in hopes that I’ll stop talking about this.
In the future, know that direct communication almost always leads to better outcomes. It’s what I teach my students, my interns, and my clients. Direct communication is a sign of respect. This all could have been avoided with an acknowledgement of harm and communication. We didn’t have to fight like this. I’m so frustrated that I had to get out of my character to get someone to say “sorry.” Maybe it’s a cultural difference but when I wrong someone, I go to that person, I don’t make excuses, I acknowledge what I did and I attempt to repair.
And since people want to talk about the racial implications of things, I think there is a conversation to be had about a group of white or white appearing women who know they did something wrong choosing to stay quiet and refusing to acknowledge that they wronged a Black woman, especially after I called attention to the fact that I was hurt. And when I do complain and make noise, I’m “wearing you out.” I think that’s very interesting and if you all want to talk about “underlying racist themes,” I would unpack that statement. Ask yourself where that’s coming from. Some of you are wielding these terms with very specific definitions, implications, and connotations, like a child wielding a gun and then acting surprised when someone is shot unintentionally.
Imma leave that alone though. Here’s so resources. Disclaimers: I am Black. Most of my resources are catered towards Black authors and Black thought. It pays to speak to diverse voices and discover your own diverse resources. Don’t burden people but seek out people who are interested in educating. They exist. Also, always check your local libraries and locally owned bookstores before renting or buying books from Amazon! Links are just provided, so you know what you’re looking for.
Why "Allies" Need to Learn to Knock
How NOT to be an Ally (BMB #14) Start at 14 min
White Tears/Brown Scars: How White Feminism Betrays Women of Color
killing rage: Ending Racism
I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness
All the White Friends I Couldn't Keep: Hope--and Hard Pills to Swallow--About Fighting for Black Lives
Tagging: @chromatophorica, @sadieyuki @aros_sage
#lynn speaks#911#911 discourse#118 discord#buddie big bang 2022#one last time with feeling#now that i've calmed down#i can put my academic hat on#i ate a snickers#and talked to my community#long post#if you say this is mean trust me the first draft was worse#this was very cathartic#i talked to my mom (a professor of black studies ironically)#and we talked for hours about what this needed to look like
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you fit me better than my favourite sweater
pairing: wednesday addams x fem!reader
summary: you and Wednesday end up stranded in the middle of the lake
words: 3.954k
warnings: mentions fear of drowning, swearing, bad writing
author notes: this has been in my drafts for a fat minute and i completely forgot about it ngl
"It won't be that bad, I mean any idiot can do it." You say as you meticulously enter the canoe, gripping at the sides with a God strong as the tiny wooden boat rocked from side to side.
"Any idiot can, but you're the most idiotic person I've ever met." Wednesday grumbled as she swiftly sat across from you, entering the canoe much more gracefully than you.
You grinned as you carefully grabbed the oars from the bottom of the boat, carefully sticking them through the small holes on the side of the boat.
"At least that makes me memorable." You remarked.
Wednesday shook her head as she leaned over to push the boat away from the small dock, the boat wobbling as it caused small ripples in the water.
You sighed as you messily began moving the oars in and out of the water, the canoe moving slowly.
"Row. Row. Row." Wednesday uttered in a deadpan tone, her eyes glued to the lake. You rolled your eyes as you moved the oars with all of your strength. "Could you be any more uplifting?" You mumbled sarcastically as you unconsciously gripped at the oars tighter.
There was an actual reason behind the entire situation of you and your friend-not so friend- Wednesday going canoeing at a late hour.
You couldn't swim, an embarrassing fact but unfortunately true, you simply couldn't. Whenever you had lessons as a kid you never could float and would always manage to have at least one or more near drowning incidents.
You tried for months but never got the hang of it, eventually you just accepted the fact you're not a swimmer.
That was something Enid was afraid of.
Ever since the Black Cats won for the first time in decades in the Poe Cup, Enid wanted to make sure they stayed champions.
To make matters worse Yoko said she didn't want to participate this year due to getting poisoned over the entire race last year.
That's how Enid ended up asking you to which you agreed but disagreed at the same time. You would do it, but you couldn't swim. So if their boat broke, you’d be fucked.
Enid took that a 'yes with some minor technicalities' and somehow managed to convince Wednesday to take you out to canoeing. If you could canoe like a pro then that would help the team and decrease the risk of the boat going down.
You agreed to it whereas the goth was very reluctant to go canoeing with you. Enid thought it was because Wednesday didn’t do people and would loathe having to communicate with someone if she didn’t gain anything from it.
Thinking about it, it was partially true but you know the real reason why Wednesday doesn’t want to be alone with you.
She didn’t trust herself.
A few weeks back you and the local goth had a situationship going on; Wednesday being the one who started it and tried ending it on multiple occasions. She’d drag you into the closest, the dark corners of the library, empty classrooms, her dorm room, your dorm room and even the forest at one point to make out with you.
Each time she claimed it was a one time kiss and she was simply trying something new, but then the very next day those slender fingers were wrapped possessively around your wrist and dragging you towards the closest empty room.
You’ve been in love with the goth for a while which meant you greedily complied with her wishes and did whatever she wanted, like a dog to its owner.
She wanted to make out because she didn’t do as good on a test, you’re there for her. She wanted to learn what a hickey is, you’re more than welcome to show her and guide her. She says it’s the final time, you give her the fakest smile and agree with her.
Self respect? Who was she?
It had been a week ever since yours and Wednesday last kiss and she was avoiding you like the plague. It hurt but you didn’t really expect anything else to happen.
That’s why when Enid asked the psychic to go canoeing with you, you were more than happy whereas Wednesday was reluctant. But nobody could say no to Enid's puppy's eyes; that's how you ended up rowing slowly while Wednesday sat there comfortably watching you.
"If I did it would physically pain me." Wednesday quipped as she sat there with her incredibly straight posture, glaring at you.
"You don't wanna be my personal cheerleader? If you were, you'd have to say 'but I'm a cheerleader' at least once." You said with a giggle, moving further into the lake as you moved one oar quicker than the other.
You knew Wednesday didn't understand the joke as she observed you. "You're not amusing nor comedic, Y/n. I'd rather talk to a brick wall and I guarantee it would still be more interesting than you."
You barked out a laugh at her comment, not taking it to heart, it's the one thing you've learned ever since she started dragging you into every isolated room to make out with you.
"Bricks can be pricks." You joked as you rowed further and further, starting to get tired even though you had only been doing it for a few minutes. "When can we have swapsies? I've proved I can row so it's all good."
"I can swim and row like a professional, I also brought the Black Cats to victory the previous year. I do not need to row, you do." Wednesday said with her tone bordering on bragging.
"I get it." You sigh as you keep rowing. "You've seen how good I am at it and don't wanna embarrass yourself."
Wednesday's head snapped towards yours with a sharp look. You smirked as you looked down, your arms flexing as you rowed.
"Good? If you think that is good then you're destined to make us lose the poe cup." The ravenette barked out, this was the reaction you were expecting.
You shrugged your shoulders as you smiled innocently at her. "It's fine, Wednesday. I get it, I'm weirdly good at some things."
Wednesday didn't say anything for a moment. Her eyes trailing your face before they moved to glance at the oars.
You heard the girl let out a small grunt before she looked back at you. "Fine. Switch positions with me."
Pride flooded you instantly as you managed to convince the stubborn girl to do something. Feeling much more confident than you had in the beginning, without thinking you abruptly stood up to allow Wednesday to sit where you were sitting at.
As you stood up Wednesday's eyes widened dramatically as her eyes gazed towards your hands, grip loosening on the oars.
As if it was slow motion Wednesday watched as the further you stood up, the weaker your grip got on the oars.
"Do not let go of the oars!" Wednesday yelled at you the very moment you stood up completely straight, your grip on the oars vanished.
Splash
You nor Wednesday moved. Completely frozen.
You slowly eyed the space where the oars used to be, you swallowed nervously as you felt eyes on you. Averting Wednesday's gaze you slowly sat back down, the canoe drumming side to side momentarily.
"I told you specifically to not let go of the oars." Wednesday snapped in a harsh voice, breaking the silence of the night.
You winced at her harsh tone that you couldn't blame her for. "I'm so sorry, Wednesday."
Wednesday shook her head as she looked away from you, as if disgusted by the sight of you.
"Enid is the one who suggested it." You reminded her quickly, not wanting to face the wrath of Wednesday Addams alone in an isolated place. You’re not the brightest bulb but you still shine.
"And you're an imbecile for agreeing with Sinclair to do this, Y/n." Wednesday hissed through gritted teeth, her arms crossed over her chest as she glared at you.
You rolled your eyes as you waved your arms dramatically. "Not my fault, Wednesday. Enid asked me a question that for the sake of my life I couldn't lie about."
The goth shook her head aimlessly, looking away from you with a clenched jaw. "Should've lied."
"You also agreed to help so it's partially your fault too!" You defended with a smug smile, one that Wednesday did not appreciate.
"It's because of you and your tomfoolery and laziness we're stuck in the middle of the lake with no oars for the canoe!"
Yeah it was most definitely your fault.
"Well I'm sorry Wednesday but you're gonna have to just jump into the water, grab the boat and swim us to shore."
Wednesday's eyebrows lifted in utter disbelief. "I'm not swimming." She stated flatly.
"Wait, my phone, duh!" You said excitedly as you removed your phone from the pocket of your hoodie, smiling hopefully as you checked your phone.
Your smile faded as you noticed there was no signal. Fucking perfect, you thought bitterly to yourself .
"No signal." You told her, shoving your phone back into your pocket with a huff.
"Shocker, I would've never presumed that a cellular device would be useless in a situation of emergency." She snarked out, crossing her arms again in her short sleeve black t-shirt.
"Emergency?! Oh my fuck are we gonna die? Cause I'm not having 'DIED BY SITTING IN A CANOE' on my gravestone."
The raven haired girl who looked visibly more relaxed than you glanced over towards the dock. "We'll just have to wait here until either Enid comes looking for us or someone else passes."
Your eyes widened dramatically as you stared at her in disbelief. The plan didn't sound fun, good or reliable.
"What if it takes hours?"
"Then we will sit here for hours." She answered, her eyes returning to meet with yours.
"Oh fun." You retorted with a roll of your eyes. "So, since it's just the two of us, is this going to turn into a childhood trauma kinda talk or gossip talk?"
Wednesday glowered at you with her iconic death stare, you sighed. I'll take that as a silent kinda talk then, you thought to yourself.
Your eyes gazed over Wednesday's face which was turned to look at the dock, her already sharp jaw pulled into an even tighter clench.
You managed to stay utterly silent for what felt like a full hour (but was really only five minutes) before you finally cracked, your knuckles white from the grip you still had on the plank you're sitting on.
"So, how've you been?" You asked gingerly to the goth. Wednesday didn't spare you a glance as she replied.
"I'm currently stranded in the middle of the lake with the absolute dunce of a human being." She snarled, her cold eyes meeting yours once again.
"I'll take that as good?" You joked as you purse your lips, hoping you could make light of the pretty shitty situation.
"You're infuriating."
You sighed as you glared at Wednesday, you were trying to be nice and making the situation better but she was not helping it at all. "Thanks." You grumbled sarcastically.
Yes it was a not so good situation, yes it was your fault, yes you felt bad about it. But you felt like Wednesday didn't have to dig into you that much, you wouldn't mind as much if you knew she was joking. But you knew her well enough to know she was utterly serious.
The more minutes passed the more bored you got. Wednesday was refusing to look at you whereas all you could stare at was her side profile.
Your fear of not being able to swim started to gnaw away at the deep pit of your stomach.
"I very much doubt Enid will notice we're stranded due to the fact she's spending the night at Yoko's tonight." Wednesday suddenly announced, the feeling of fear intensifying as you realised the odds of you sleeping on this canoe over night was growing.
"What time is it?" You asked her quickly.
She glanced at the watch on her wrist briefly before she glimpsed at you. "It's nine in the evening, and curfew is at nine." You gawked at her as the chances of you sleeping outside for the night increased significantly. "You sure you don't wanna go for a little swim?" You attempted one last night, in hopes Wednesday would agree.
"No."
You sighed as you nodded your head weakly, you're sleeping on water tonight.
Great.
"Alright if we're sleeping here overnight how are we doing it?"
"I will not be sleeping." Wednesday stated. "I'll stay on watch in case an individual passes."
"All night?" You asked with your eyebrows raised.
"Is your hearing damaged?" Wednesday replied dryly, her eyes boring into yours, you huffed as you averted her piercing eyes looking over at the sun slowly setting.
"At least it's warm, some might even say a hot summer night in mid July." You joked in a playful voice, turning your head to look at the beauty of the lake.
The sunset lightning up the dark lake with a shine that made it even more beautiful .
"Your obsession with that woman is odd." Your head snapped back to look at Wednesday, your jaw slackened as you gazed at her with shock.
Wednesday remembered you liked Lana Del Rey? More importantly, how did she even know it was a lyric from Lana Del Rey?
Without much thought you voiced your last question to the goth.
"How'd you even know I was talking about Lana Del Rey?" Wednesday blinked at you as she stayed silent, her eyes glued to yours as she tried to think of an answer. "You do nothing but extol her." She said in an affirmative tone, her fingers playing with the thick steel black ring Enid gifted for her many moons ago.
You tilted your head like a curious dog as your eyes narrowed on her fingers.
She was lying.
You weren't Wednesday level good at reading people, but you could always notice a tell when it was presented to you.
You hummed, looking back up at Wednesday's face with a smirk. "I talk about Lana and how good she is but from my knowledge I've never actually sung her song in front of you before. Matter of fact, I don't think I've even talked specifically about the lyrics of her songs with you before, probably with Enid but never you."
"I don't understand what you're trying to say." Wednesday questioned with threat lacing her words. “I’m just saying, how could you possibly know that line if you’ve never heard me say it before, ‘cause I know Enid is a K-Pop and Swiftie kinda girl, not a Lana one. And you’d never listen to such ‘pointless audios’ as you said, would you?”
“Terminology with celebrities is obtuse.” She said briskly, her eyes avoiding yours the exact way she was avoiding your words. You hummed as you nodded your head, smugness infiltrating your smile.
Silence filled the wooden canoe after that, Wednesday staying perfectly silent as she stayed perfectly still. Her main focus being the docks as she hoped someone would pass and help the two of you.
Thirty minutes passed and there was still no sign of life other than you and the raventte. With a long sigh you reconnected your eyes with Wednesday.
“We’re stuck here all night aren’t we?” You asked in a knowing tone.
Wednesday nodded her head curtly. “Yes we are.” You let out an exasperated breath as you ran your fingers through your hair. “Also, due to how this canoe is structured it would be impossible to lay down flat on the ground to sleep.”
You looked down at the boat as you tried figuring out any spot where you could sit down in any position and luckily you quickly found one.
Without saying anything you carefully pushed yourself off the small seat moving to sit at the bottom of the canoe. After a few moments of repositioning yourself with the boat rocking back forth gently you managed to find a semi comfortable position.
Your feet dangled off one edge of the boat while your neck rested on the edge of the opposite one, it wasn’t the most comfortable one but if you fell asleep your biggest worry would be a stiff neck and not drowning.
Grinning, you turned to look at the girl whose boots were only about half a metre away from your side. “You say impossible, I say possible.”
“I say irritating, you say humorous.” She remarked with a glare as she stared at you with her beautiful dead eyes.
“Well I’m the one who can sleep tonight if someone doesn't come get us.” You tell her with a smile before adding. “No shame if you came down to join me.”
“I would rather live for an eternity than lay with you.” She hisses through gritted making you let out a little giggle. “Whatever you say.”
Minutes passed as you and Wednesday stayed in silence, you gazing up at the sunset making the colour shine gorgeously as Wednesday gazed at your side profile.
After what felt like a century in silence you decided to put on your Spotify playlist that you downloaded to your phone, needing something to erase the booming silence.
Hitting on the playlist ironically the first song that played was ‘Young and Beautiful’ by Lana Del Rey; the song that had the infamous ‘hot summer nights, mid-July’. You had the DH Orchestral version downloaded.
As the song played in a low volume you heard a small rhythmic tapping from next to you. You turned your head to the side and to your surprise you noticed Wednesday was the culprit of the noise.
She was now gazing off in the sunset like you were doing earlier as her fingers moved against her thigh going along with the beats of the song.
Wednesday listened to Lana Del Rey because of you.
You didn't comment on it; simply admiring her with a small smile until the song finished, another random Lana Del Rey song playing soon after.
The goth must've felt eyes on her as she snapped her head back into your direction, locking eyes with you as she tilted her head slightly to the side.
She didn't say anything and neither did you. The two of you sat in silence as you gazed at each other; the two of you having a glint of love in each other's eyes, but neither of you would comment on it.
Somehow an hour had managed to pass as the sun was almost entirely gone, only a small arch left warming you up.
“Do you think we’ll tip over if we go to sleep?” You voice up slightly nervously as you stare at the wooden canoe. “I will not be sleeping so I’ll make it won't happen.”
“Wait, you were serious about not going to sleep?” Wednesday stiffly nods her head as her posture still remains as straight as ever while sitting up.
“I never lie.” She tells you.
You bite your tongue into not saying anything that might annoy the goth since you know damn well she lies. She’s lied to you many times when preaching your sessional kisses were only a ‘one time thing’ for each one.
You sigh as you glance up at Wednesday, nodding your head. “Okay, I'll stay up with you.”
“There is no need, Y/n. You may fall asleep if needed.” Wednesday insists with a shake of her head.
“Don't be ridiculous, Wends, I’m not letting you stay awake all night alone while we’re trapped in the middle of the lake.” You reply in a tone that indicates you're not going to debate with her about it.
The goth sighs as she reluctantly nods her head in agreement. “Fine, whatever.” She mumbles not making eye contact with you as she twisted her body to the side slightly, her brows furrowed ever slightly telling you she's in slight pain.
You don't say anything as you lean forward and take off your hoodie before laying it flat on the bottom of the canoe as the end of your hoodie reaches the tips of Wednesday's boots.
“If your back hurts you need to lay down for a while.” You say making her look back at you with her eyebrows even more furrowed.
“I’m an Addams, we thrive on pain.” Wednesday answered as if that explained anything. You rolled your eyes as you tapped at your thigh meekly.
“Okay, fine you love pain and shit. But if it gets too much you're more than welcome to lay down, I wouldn't shame you or tell anyone.” You reply with a soft smile as Wednesday scoffed at your words, not verbally replying.
You didn't say anything as you looked away, glancing over at the dark lake as the sun had officially set. The only light being gifted being the pale moonlight; glistening the water just as softly as the sun did.
Five minutes passed before you heard small shuffling from Wednesday’s side of the small boat, you didn't look over at her as you gazed off into the water.
Wordlessly, you can hear Wednesday slowly move to the bottom of the canoe as she quietly moves up closer to you, laying her head on your lap as she laid straight on her back.
Your hoodie under her body definitely made it more comfortable for her, something that filled you with pride.
You look down at Wednesday to see her already looking up at you, her eyes seeming softer as they glinted from the moonlight.
“You’re so pretty.” You whisper out to her moving to lay an arm over her stomach to try to give her as much body warmth as you could.
Wednesday blinked for the first time as she never broke contact with you, stiffly moving to lay a hand over the one you had on her stomach.
“You're pulchritudinous, Y/n. Not only on the surface level but also inside.” You tilted your head confused at what she just called you, laughing nervously.
“I’m what?” You ask her, resulting in her rolling her eyes as a soft red shade of colour attacked her ears.
“Beautiful, Y/n, it means beautiful.” Wednesday answers make you blush as a nervous smile forms on your lips.
Admiring her as you run a hand through her soft bangs, not surprisingly they fall right back into place as if you never touched them when you pull away.
As her dark eyes locked with your eyes you couldn't help but let out a breathless laugh, the look in her eyes and the look you know you have in your eyes telling her everything.
“I don't want to make it a one time thing.” You confess as you lay your hand near her head. “I don't want it to only be secret kisses, Wednesday. I want you. I want everyone to know how much I love you.”
For the first time in your life you see Wednesday smile; not smirk, but a true and genuine soft, small smile.
Gracefully she grabs your hand that was on her stomach as she lifts it to her lips pressing a kiss to your knuckles making you blush at her actions.
As she held your hand she refused to pull them away from her lips, you could feel her breath tickle your skin gently as she whispered the words you have been waiting weeks to hear.
“I love you too.”
—————
authors note: i hate this sm 💀💀
#wednesday addams x female reader#wednesday addams x reader#wednesday addams & reader#wednesday addams x femreader#wednesday addams#wednesday#fluff#enid sinclair#my fanfiction#jenna ortega x fem!reader#jenna ortega x reader#jenna ortega x you
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EVERYTHING — Lee Heeseung
Genre: fluff, est. relation. Angst.? wc: 556 warnings: kissing, hugging, pet names pairing: bf!hee x Gn!reader
Synopsis: your feeling down but heeseung can fix that. You are his favorite person in the world after all how could he not..?
Sing along at Lispenard St. (Series Masterlist)
Rainy day. Very relaxing to you, you’d say. You always loved it when it rained. Not when it thunders though that’s for sure. You lie down on your bed staring up onto the ceiling, getting lost in your thoughts. But those thoughts are soon cut off when you hear the front door open. You quickly rush out of bed and run out of your bedroom. You make it out and spot Heeseung putting his stuff up, after coming back from work. Quietly, you walked up to him from behind and wrapped your arms around his waist.
“Baby!” He says softly. Getting out of your grasp. To turn around and pull you into a hug. “I miss you..” he said.
“I miss you too..” you said. Heeseung noticed your slight frown on your face. “Hey what’s wrong..?” He asked. You look up at heeseung nodding your head.. “yeah I’m fine why..?” You were confused a bit.
“You face says otherwise my love” Fuck..busted. “Baby it’s nothing promised.” You hope you could get Heeseung to believe you.
“No..baby just tell me..” Heeseung was begging at this point. Wanting to get the truth out. But you won’t let your guard down. Not even if it’s heeseung. You always were never really good at expressing yourself. Especially with words.
“Fine I’m just not feeling my very best..” What do you mean by that? Heeseung was now confused. “What are you saying baby?” He asked. You looked up at and spoke. “It’s just sometimes I think I’m not perfect enough for you…” silence filled the room shortly afterwards. “Like there’s many other women who want to be with you but you chose me.. I’m not as pretty as them..” You put your head down. Heeseung didn’t say anything for a short while. You were starting to get nervous. ‘Please say something..’ shit..now you're over thinking. You were so lost in your thoughts, your thoughts were cut off by heeseung pulling you into a hug. You wanted to cry, but you didn’t. Heeseung still didn’t say anything, since you still weren’t looking at him. He grabbed your jaw with his hand, making you look up at him.
He gets closer kissing your lips, His soft sweet lips. You slightly gasp, but return the kiss back..but it doesn’t last very long, before heeseung pulls away and hugs you even tighter. “Baby, you’re wrong..even if other women want me. It’s not how much I want you.” He finally spoke up. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, sweetheart. And not one person can change that thought..not even you..my love” he sighed before continuing, “I don’t know what made you think that, it makes me sad when you think negatively about yourself because in my eyes you’re perfect. You’re my everything” Well, here are the tears now. Heeseung started patting your back, trying to calm you down.. You don’t say anything, only focusing on calming down.
“Thank you..” you say quietly..heeseung smiles, before grabbing your hand and taking you towards your bedroom. He opens the door and drags you to the bed. He gets on first and pulls you into his arms, cuddling you.
“We can stay like this for the rest of the night, cuddle,” he said.
“Yeah..I’d like that..” and so you did.
Author’s note: worse one I wrote this was a draft for my other Heeseung post but I just decided for this one since Im was lazy to start a new one. IM TRYING TO MATCH THE SONG WELL WITH THE DRABBLES SEND HELP NOWZ (I’m kidding m) Jungwon next everyone I’m not going in order trust 💪🏼
© ynsvnte copyright 2024
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Okay I’m just going to say it: I always found the take that “Fenris and Anders’ relationship is wasted potential” kind of irritating. At least in the way most people mean when they say it: Anders and Fenris never found common ground, and that is a waste of potential
I do agree that there are some writing let-downs in their relationship, I just don't agree that the fact that they never reach a common ground is part of it.
It is true that Fenris and Anders have more in common than differences, their trauma is ultimately based in the same thing: being held and tormented against their will by an oppressive system. If you pay attention, the narrative, the characters, and Fenris and Anders themselves are aware of this. Here's a little snippet of it shown in this Legacy dialogue
The game knows they're alike. It's not that they can't see there's common ground between them. They can. The problem is: Fenris is healing, and Anders is not
I'm going to show you more banter screenshots now
Specifically of Fenris and Anders' banter with Varric, in acts 2 and 3
Just bear with me, we'll start with Fenris
Fenris and Varric in act 2
Fenris and Varric in act 3
Now Anders
Anders and Varric in act 2
Anders and Varric in act 3
There are more banters that illustrate this point but I think these four are the strongest and also I would like to go to sleep at some point tonight.
Fenris is healing from his past, if you look at his banters as a whole, you can see across all characters he gets more open, humorous, and talkative throughout all acts. Anders does the exact opposite. Anders gets more closed off, cold, and in act 3 you'll notice he rarely speaks before being spoken to unless he's following up on a previous conversation.
It makes sense, to me at least, why they never become friends. It isn't because Anders is a mage, Bethany is a mage, anti-circle, and Fenris loves her. Don't believe me? Look on the wiki or search "Bethany" on my blog and you'll find some of their interactions. They're adorable.
It's because Anders is getting worse and Fenris is getting better. That's why all their conversations are just an exhausting loop and why they never seem to connect. To me, that is the story being told here. It was never about them finding a common ground, it was about paralleling two people and one who heals from their past, and one who does not. Making them on opposite sides of the mage/templar debate is meant to emphasize this.
I do want to state that I have mixed feelings about this. While I think it's a neat idea, it does also feed the "You were hurt by a system but now your hate for it consumes you" trope which I am. Not a fan of. You can also talk about how the world itself plays into this in that Fenris can escape from Tevinter but Anders can't escape from being a mage. That's all a retrospective for another day, I'm just talking about the intent behind the relationship here.
Basically what I’m trying to say is: A story may not go in the direction you want it to but that does not make the story bad, it just makes it the story you didn’t want. That is fine, but I take some issue when people treat it as an actual fault of the story rather than a matter of taste.
Like I said, there are plenty of actual writing issues in Dragon Age 2, and I do think that there are some wasted opportunities in Fenris and Anders' relationship. My biggest problem is that it doesn't go far enough. We see Anders spiral until he hits full rock bottom and destroys the Chantry. We see Fenris... go play some cards with his buddies. I think it would've been more effective if Fenris got a little farther in his healing, namely his relationship with magic. I've said that I don't think Fenris would ever fully trust magic and I don't, but it would've been neat to at least see more progress made than is actually made in the game. This I think is the consequence of Dragon Age 2 being a first draft like David Gaider said, I think if they had more time, they could've pushed this further and made it more interesting, but I do genuinely like what's there like I genuinely like the entirity of Dragon Age 2.
Anyway, that's why in my opinion, Anders and Fenris never finding a common ground isn't a problem from a narrative perspective.
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🍁˖࿐ Artist! S/O - Isagi, Bachira, Reo, Sae
╰┈➤Hcs of them with an Artistic S/O!!
Genre: Fluff and crack
Gn!reader or Any gender
Warnings: Swearing, Not proof read bcs im lazy, idk wat else but lmk if theres anything else
Waiter's Note: OH LOOK WHO FINALLY PULLED THIS OUTTA THEIR DRAFTS AFTER A WHOLE ASS 5 MONTHS LMAOO I HOPE U GUYS ENJOY <33 Reqs Open as usual!!
Masterlists
Now Playing: An Art Gallery Could Never Be As Unique As You
Very VERY VERYYYY fascinated on what you do, he thinks it's really cool
He canonly likes art too so let him join in!!
Draw him in any way like even a small doodle and he WILL COMBUST
He decorated his wall infront of his desk with your drawings and doodles, other things like custom keychains, origami, glass paintings are on his desk so he can see it everyday when he wakes up 🥹🥹
Study dates with you two often end up in drawing-cuddling sessions
Starting with studying so you can both pass your exams to you two beside eachother, legs tangled under the kotatsu table while you both lay on your stomachs, drawing whatever you felt like drawing 🫶
Let's just hope that you both pass your exams 😭😭
When you have art block or you feel stressed, he offers to take you out to a walk (yk he loves those esp with you)
It may seem kinda annoying at first but trust me, it does WONDERS
YOUR WORKS ARE DISPLAYED THROUGHOUT THE ISAGI HOUSEHOLD ✨
His parents like your creations too but they ALWAYS remind you whenever you come over that it's okay to take breaks and do other things 🥹💖
He's not rich by all means, but he's willing to spend his money to get you supplies u want
When he got the letter for blue lock, you both agreed to meet at a park at night and you talked things through, promising to work hard and improve while you both are separated
Whenever the topic of art or s/o comes in, he just ends up talking everyones ear off in blue lock and the question was just from a truth or dare game😭
Whether or not you got recognized for your art and got more commissions/promotions or quit art to start something new that interests you, he's supportive just as you are for him 🫶
HE LOVES ART, AND YOUR AN ARTIST?? MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN
Introduces you to his mom <33 you both share tips and tricks and now she's like your teacher ITS SO CUTE
But Meguru gets pretty pouty if you just sit there beside his mom talking about art related things all day 😭
If you let him lay down on your lap and give him occasional kisses then he'll be able to sit still for a while longer
You gave him a bee-themed soccer ball you painted once and he ALWAYS has it on his bed so he can fall asleep hugging it 🥹
He doesn't play with it tho, atleast not outdoors bcs he doesn't wanna ruin it 😭💖
Painting with him and his mom if she isn't busy!!
He always plays around and puts paint on your face, his mom scolds him for it LMAOO
Don't take him to art museums pls 😭😭 HAVE YOU SEEN HOW HE WAS IN THE LIGHT NOVEL?? you both would get in trouble just because he was bored 💀
BRAGS TO EVERYONE AND ANYONE IN BLUE LOCK ABOUT YOU THAT THEY LITERALLY KNOW YOU AND EVERY SINGLE ART PIECE YOU HAVE DONE BEFORE EVEN MEETING YOU OR SEEING THEM 💀💀😭
Has tried to eat paint before 🧍♂️Much worse if you paint food then bro might try it again 💀💀💀
You sit on a bench nearby and draw while he practices, it's relaxing, just watch out for the ball 😭💀
Oh boy
Id say for a FACT that you were broke until you started dating him unless you have really cheap materials or you're just really good at saving
Yk how art materials and art school is so ridiculously expensive?? Well, your LOVELY boyfriend here has it all covered
Mans literally already bought a whole art shop 💀
Its not like it's anything new *looks at art big art studio*
PLEASE get a frying pan and smack some sense into this man's head bcs he was just about to buy his way into getting your art showcased in an art gallery/convention
He might, MIGHT stop if you use his own words against him. Like the whole 'i want to carve my own future' thing
Lets be fr, he won't stop, the most he could do is stop bribing his way to get your art showcased
Bby supports you alot tho :((
He just admires how much effort you're able to put in each work
When art block kicks in, he'll take you to go to expensive art galleries or to wherever the Mona Lisa is currently being showcased at
Just drag him out and tell him u wanna learn soccer 😭 it's honestly more fun than roaming around an art gallery
Paint him with his parents and they'll already start planning your marriage 💀😭
Bro when collage comes along, then your tuition fees and apartment bills are already paid like??? I wonder how 🤔
PLS DRAW HIM AND SHOW HIM THAT THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO EXPRESS LOVE OTHER THAN MONEY SPENDING BCS HE'LL ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WITH ALL THE TIME, EFFORT AND SKILL YOU PUT IN
He DEFINITELY frames all the drawings/paintings you give him. No buts
Let's be fr, he probably has a room in his house filled with your creations 🧍♂️
I'm pretty sure that blue lock allows anything to be brought unless it's a phone or something (because they'll have to earn it back) so Reo brought this photo album/journal decorated by you and/or your drawings
AND YK THOSE MINI PRINTERS??? HE BROUGHT ONE TOO SO WHENEVER YOU SEND A NEW ARTWORK, HE PRINTS IT 😭😭
Talks Nagi's ear off every time 💀
Supportive bank in general 👍 jkjk pls don't use him just for money or I will come for your eyeballs 🤗
Sae is pretty chill compared to his hardcore emo brother like did you see that one panel where he wanted to go home in the middle of a game while applying lotion???
He doesn't seem like the type to check social media often too so I hc that he draws after practices when he gets home to cool down for the night yk
I can definitely see him drawing his favorite characters from Chibi Maruko-chan whenever he feels stressed or has a bad day because of his stupid teammates who play like headless chickens 🙄(his words not mine)
So like when YOU came in, it's like he's surrounded by comfort when you two draw in silence while listening to your shared playlist 🌼
drawing fanarts for him that you wanna show off to everyone since he's beautiful and he's even more beautiful in your artstyle <33
he doesnt know about it tho because thats too embarrassing
rin follows you on that account with his private acc LMAOOOOOO
LISTEN. IMAGINE DRAWING HIM WITH HIS YEE YEE LOOKIN ASS BANGS AND TEASING HIM ABOUT IT HAHAHSHAHA
you secretly sent one to Rin for funsies once and he sent you a pic of Sae when he was young back, now you both have this sketchy deal thing going on that Sae doesnt know SHIT about
dw tho, both your mouths are sealed because now you got Rin to approve of you
If you live with him abroad, then your apartment/house is FILLED with notes/drawings/sketches/paintings/origamis, etc. im not exaggerating at ALL.
Imagine those cute and decorated fridges but make it the ENTIRE house
You both just slap some sticky note on walls, tables, chairs, cabinets, shelves, counters and draw on it,and neither of you clean them up, you just leave it there 😭😭
it comes off when it comes off ig 🤷
If you dont live with him abroad, then you guys have a minecraft server you both share thats literally FILLED with builds. Somehow, Sae's RIDICULOUSLY fast at learning these things and now hes an architect 🧍♂️
Also those cooperative drawing websites/games?? yeah, you both have them OFTEN, like, every night other than when hes like SUPER tired
just stick to screenshoting him and drawing on his face
He buys you anything you need/want too and theres basically no stopping him 🤷🤷
Tagging: @inariezaki
[1341 words]
#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#blue lock x you#blue lock headcanons#bllk isagi#bllk bachira#bllk reo#bllk sae#itoshi sae x reader#sae itoshi x reader#blue lock sae x reader#sae x reader#reo mikage x you#mikage reo x reader#reo mikage x reader#bachira x reader#bachira meguru x reader#meguru bachira x reader#isagi x reader#isagi yoichi x reader#yoichi isagi x reader
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OCEAN WAVES
"If only I could go back, I would hold you so you won't be apart from me. For even a moment, I would give you my everything." (Day6 – I Would)
Kanata Yatonokami x reader
➥ Tags & warnings: Angst (no comfort but open to interpretation), suicide attempt, established relationship, she/her pronouns, reader neglect, misunderstandings, a lot of tears.
➥ Word count: 2,590
➥ Synopsis: Despite how long you've been together, you feel like nothing in your relationship is improving. After putting up with so much of his shit, you finally realise that you're no longer happy with him anymore.
A/N: PLEASE listen to 'I Would' by Day6 whilst reading this. It's the song that inspired me to write this in the first place! It also makes the fic more depressing, hehe~ I have so many Kanata angst drafts, it's not even funny. I love him sooo much, but I also love Kanata angst. He deserves the world though.
Please do tell me what you think of the fic! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)♡ I would love to know everyone's reactions!
The twins looked at you, stunned. Rapid tears rolled down your cheeks as you spilled everything out. Despite how much they were mean to you sometimes, you kept a happy facade and gave them countless chances in hopes of being accepted by them one day - properly accepted because even when they allowed you into their home, into their lives, every so often, they would treat you like someone they didn't want around in the first place.
But what made things worse was that you were dating one of them.
"I don't understand why you still treat me this way!" you screamed. "Why are you still so mean to me? What did I ever do to you?!"
You weren't a sensitive person, but trauma isn't something so kind. You had gone through this before – being bullied. You didn't care if a stranger was mean to you, they're nobodies after all. Harsh words from them would graze your skin, nothing like a bandage wouldn't fix. But harsh words from a loved one? Someone you adored and trusted? It was like being stabbed by a knife disguised as a bouquet of flowers.
And those flowers were withering quickly.
"(Y-Y/N), s-slow down," Nayuta started, eyeing his brother whose whole body was trembling. "I'm so sorry, w-we didn't–"
"What's the point in even being here anymore?" you hissed, interrupting whatever he had to say. You unlocked their door, slamming it shut before running away.
"(Y/N)!"
They had each other, but you only had yourself. You moved to Japan on your own with the dreams of studying and working there. Everything was amazing and new to you, but also extremely lonely and overwhelming. There were times when you were so exhausted that you couldn't focus on studying at all. You'd isolate yourself in your room feeling homesick, starving yourself as you had no appetite to eat. There were even times when you just wanted to give up on your dreams and go home.
Yet that day when you got lost in the slums to university, that day you met Kanata had changed everything.
But maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't have gotten lost that day – you shouldn't have moved to Japan at all.
Carefully, you placed your shoes neatly on the sand. Then slowly, you approached the water.
You fell too hard for him – for Yatonokami Kanata – that it stung and left bruises. You had hoped that by time, he'd show a softer side of himself. When you thought that he would, he would regress to his cold demeanour, leaving you feeling even more confused and unwanted. Then why? Why did he accept your feelings? Why did he confess those same feelings to you that day too?
Your chin hit the water. All you could see ahead of you was a pitch-black sky, empty and soulless with no sign of a single star shining. As you continued moving ahead, your hearing became muffled and you could no longer hear the wind blowing those melancholic melodies.
Nor could you hear your name being cried out. Those anguished cries, the way he didn’t think twice before running in to save you. You couldn’t even hear the splashes of the water. The only thing you could hear was bubbling, the way the water gradually filled the inside of your ears.
But before anything serious could happen, you felt his hands on you, dragging you hastily away from the abyss.
His heart was racing as he panicked to get you back to shore. Once the two of you hit the sand again, you coughed out a few mouthfuls, and he held you so tight that you could feel his hands digging into your skin.
But you didn't care.
Nothing mattered anymore.
You stayed in his arms, letting him hold you as much as he wanted. You didn't care. You let him cry on your shoulder, and scream out his apologies. You just didn't care. There was nothing to care about anymore because caring so much had led to this.
"(Y/N), I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he would constantly repeat as tears streamed down his face. "I'm so sorry..."
Eyes as empty as the midnight sky, you stared at his lilac hair embedded with the turquoise underside that you loved so much.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I don't know why I acted that way towards you..." he cried miserably. "I bet you felt so alone... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that... I should've loved you properly..."
You didn't want to listen, but you had to. His voice was so hoarse from screaming, but he still wanted to give you the apology you truly deserved and wanted. Even if it was too late for apologies, he still wanted to fix things – to fix you in any little way he could.
Kanata had taken in every word you yelled at him and his brother before you ran to the seashore. He never knew you felt this way as you were always so happy-go-lucky, always so upbeat, but the realisation had hit him as memories he had forgotten flashed into his mind.
And for the first time, he saw things from your perspective.
"Kanata, I'm bored..." you whined playfully. "Please can we do something together? Why don't we go to that place–"
"Sorry, but can't you see that I'm busy?!" he quickly snapped. "I can't half-ass this song."
You were startled by this but nodded understandingly.
"O-Oh, right! Yes! S-Sorry."
You smiled, but your heart had sunk to your stomach. But you could easily get over that! He was busy after all. It was your fault for even speaking in times like that. Maybe the two of you could go on a date next time!
You remained seated on the windowsill, hands clasped together as you stared at the floor of their rundown apartment.
Why didn't he just go with you? The two of you rarely went on dates unless it was you initiating them. It would've been nice to take you out on his initiative this time, but alas, that didn't happen, and he regretted it badly.
What happened after that was something he didn't remember, but he really hoped you didn't cry yourself to sleep about it. All he remembered was that you left earlier than usual.
"Hey, (Y/N)! Why don't you join us?" suggested Nayuta when the three of you bumped into each other at the mall. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Kanata~?"
At the time, you had rejected Nayuta's proposal because you didn't want to disturb the twins on their shopping trip together, but Kanata insisted that you come along anyway.
However, it seemed like you were tagging along on your own accord.
"Hey, Kanata. Doesn't this look cool?!" Nayuta uttered as he showed his brother a bomber jacket he had found.
Kanata agreed. "Do you want to buy that one?" he asked. "It looks good on you."
From a distance, you watched them with a smile on your face. The brothers were having so much fun shopping together that you didn't have the heart to insert yourself into any of their conversations. Plus you believed that if you did, they would just brush you off.
You supposed you could look around the store by yourself to find an outfit you liked.
"Ah, (Y/N), there you are," said Kanata. "Check this one out."
"It suits you!" you replied.
"Haha, right?"
You thought he was going to pay attention to you this time, so when you found a dress that caught your eye, you chirped, "Wow, this dress is so pretty! Kanata, don't you think–"
But he was no longer by your side anymore.
You chuckled in embarrassment before putting the dress back on the rack. You didn't need it anyway. Plus, you didn't have that much cash on you; you were only at the mall to run errands.
But you really did want that dress. It was pretty and it was your style! You hoped it would still be there the next time you visited.
Unfortunately, it wasn't.
The worst part of that memory that Kanata came to remember was that he did hear you call out his name, and he did hear you talk about a pretty dress. But he was so preoccupied with all the stuff Nayuta was putting in their basket, he didn't come to you quicker.
When he finally turned around, you had left the dresses section to regroup with him and Nayuta. You were bright and smiley, so he didn't think it mattered to you. He should've trusted his gut feeling though. After all, he found that dress pretty too.
Those were the only two memories he came by, but deep down, he knew there were more instances where he made you sad. If only you had shown it, but at the same time, it would've been better if he caught on to your subtle yet loud reactions.
"(Y/N), I'm so sorry…" he cried. "I should've treated you better… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"
You didn't respond, but you did find yourself gripping onto his soggy shirt. Even after all of this, a part of you still wanted to be held by him – the boy you loved. Kanata didn't hug you often because he found it embarrassing, so you were the only one in the relationship who initiated physical touch. But there were times when he did hold you, those times where you wished it happened more.
"(Y/N)! Kanata! Are you two okay?!" you could hear Nayuta yell. "Come on, let's go back! We need to get (Y/N) back home and..."
You chose to ignore those words as you singled in on the ocean waves' rumbles.
The twins carried you back to their home as it would be easier to keep an eye on you if you were to attempt again.
Kanata filled up the bathtub and gently urged you to get inside. You obeyed without hesitation like you always did, but you wouldn't look at him once. Those eyes that used to admire him and sparkle were now so soulless that it broke his heart.
The two of you were silent as he helped you wash up. It was the first time he ever did something like this, but neither of you cared whether he saw you naked. The sadness in your hearts made it unbearable to feel anything else.
When he was finished, he wrapped you in a towel. As he held you close, you could hear his heartbeat, fast and unsteady. You let him hold onto you for a while, but it wasn't as if Kanata had never comforted you before, you just never experienced something so intimate like this with him. It was a shame that you were being treated like this now – on the day you nearly ended your life.
As he helped you put on some spare clothes, he tried looking into your eyes, but even when you were staring right back at his violet ones, he couldn't find the girl you used to be.
"Here, (Y/N)... drink up," said Nayuta, offering you a mug of hot chocolate, something that the twins both knew you liked. "I'm sorry, (Y/N)... I should've been nicer to you too. You did nothing wrong; remember that, okay? I'm really sorry..."
You accepted the drink, but it took you a while to put your lips on the rim. By the time you drank it, it was already cold.
It was 2am now, and Kanata had you wrapped in his arms. He was still crying, but the stream of your tears had already dried up. So you just laid there, unmoving.
The two of you knew that once he and his brother fell asleep, you'd be gone by the morning.
"Kanata," you uttered. It was the first word you said after the attempt. "Let's take a break..."
He dreaded those words, but it was bound to happen after tonight. He didn't answer though. He never wanted to lose you in the first place. He never thought it would ever happen. He had lost his brother once and was lucky to have him back, but he had nearly lost you too. He didn't know how he would react if he was just a second late to saving you.
"I'm sorry... for being an annoyance..." you murmured.
"You don't need to apologise for anything! You never were an annoyance. I was just an asshole!"
"Kanata..."
"..."
You found yourself gripping onto his shirt again, but this time, the fabric was dry and soft.
"I'm sorry for doing that," you continued. "I wasn't right in the head. Don't worry about me though. I won't try that again, but... don't go looking for me either."
He didn't know what to say, but he was confused when you started giggling to yourself.
"Hehe, this feels nice," you said as a tear rolled down your cheek. "We never got to cuddle like this in bed before... I wish we did that more–"
But you couldn't help it. The dam you had closed off suddenly burst open, and you started wailing loudly on his chest. Nayuta watched you two from the couch, his heart clenching too.
It wasn't the first time you got to sleep with him on his worn-out futon, but you were never this close. When the two of you did sleep together, he kept his distance. Even when you wanted him to be closer, he never dared move an inch.
"Hic... didn't you love me?" you said slowly as big, hot tears fell from your eyes.
"(Y/N)... Of course, I loved you..." he replied sadly. "I still do..."
A forced giggle escaped your lips again. "Okay..." you muttered, sniffing.
You wrapped your arms around his body, reciprocating the embrace. It was the last time you were ever going to see him again anyway, so you might as well do this.
When sunrise came, Kanata found the bed empty as he had expected. In your place, a note was left behind. He didn't want to read it because he knew that all he was going to get out of it was even more tears. However, he didn't want to throw it away either. He wanted to keep a piece of you even if it was a goodbye letter.
Kanata, I hope that in another universe, we would still be together.
After all, I don't think I'll ever get over you.
He sighed, trying to keep his tears inside his eyes. He had cried enough, but it didn't seem to be enough.
If only he could go back to that day, to just have one more day with you, he would hold you again.
And for even a moment, he would have given you everything you wanted, no matter the price, he just wanted you back in his arms.
What neither of you remembered was that after the twins' shopping trip that day, Kanata had gone back into the store.
"Did you forget something?" Nayuta questioned.
"Yeah," he replied. "It's nothing though–"
"Haha, let me see."
In the bag, a new purchase was made. Kanata had bought the dress you were eyeing before.
"Why didn't you buy that for her earlier? (Y/N) just left."
It was Kanata's first time being in love, so he was the most inexperienced boy out there, but still, he loved you.
Even though he had wasted his chances.
"I'm not sure... Do you think she'd still be happy if I give this to her?"
Intro page | Paradox Live masterlist | Request rules
I do not give permission to copy/reupload my fics/work.
#paradox live x reader#paralive x reader#kanata yatonokami x reader#kanata yatonokami x reader angst
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I feel horrible for using paraphraser tools to enhance my writing. If i don't use it then i kinda hate my writing. Please help.
Hi there.
I'm so sorry you feel this way! The first thing you should do is take a step back and breathe. You're not a bad writer, and you're not a bad person for using AI tools. Read that over until you begin to believe it.
I want you to feel happy and proud of your writing as it is, so let's work on that piece.
I don't think there's many writers out there that are completely happy with their work. I have times when I'm writing that I think I must be the worst writer in the world. Writing is so contained and individual--it's not like getting better at basketball until you can almost always guarantee a basket. There's nothing to really tell you you're getting better, or that your writing is 'good'.
That makes it difficult--it also means we have to rely on our own intuition to give us the answers, and your brain is always going to be so much harder on your work than anyone else.
So even if you can't yet say 'it's good', try saying 'it's not as bad as I think'. And remember that no matter how 'bad' you think it is, it can always get better--every draft you do will be better.
For more practical suggestions on feeling more confident in your work, I have to suggest something scary: share it with others--but with others you trust, who you know will support you. As scary as it is, sharing my drafts with others helps me feel much prouder of it, and also gives me agency in making it better. As well, if you trade work with other writers around your experience level, you can see how writing differs--and how that doesn't make one better or worse.
My writing friend and I have been writing for about the same amount of time and have been trading work for over a decade now. She's so ingrained in my writing journey, and yet we write wildly different things in wildly different styles. Her work isn't better or worse than mine, just different.
My other suggestion is to write what you love, and to not put any pressure on it. Write for fun, for yourself. Write like no one will ever read it, and then share it anyway. Write like the ideas are more important than the words. Try not to analyze it to death, just let it breathe, and let it be what it is. There will be time later for editing and scaling back if you want. Or not. Up to you.
Then, acknowledge the parts of your writing that you really love--the things you know you've got down. Celebrate the sentences that come out good, and forgive the sentences you don't love as much. Sometimes it helps me to pretend my writing is another living thing--like a child or a beloved pet, so you can look at it in all its flaws and still think it's the greatest thing you've ever done.
Writing does not have to be perfect to be good--it just has to exist and be loved.
And for now, if leaving your writing as it is without using tools makes you feel horrible enough to give up--keep using the tools. Work on using them a little bit less and less with every piece. Remember what I said about telling yourself it isn't as bad as your brain says it is--then graduate to: 'it's decent', 'it's getting there', 'it's good,' 'it's amazing'.
And let me know how it goes. (If you ever want/need to share your work with someone positive and supportive, you can always share it with me--just send me a DM)
Good luck!
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ROUND 4, MATCH 1
Admin's commentary: I mean if anyone can defeat Károly Róbert... Or if anyone can defeat I.István, could go either way. Though knowing this electorate, I know who I'd bet on (no I am not going to say it).
***
I.István (Štefan I.)
1000-1038
unifier of the Magyar tribes and first crowned king of Hungary (the damn crown is named after him for fuck's sake)
a literal saint - though not because he was particularly nice, mostly because of the fact that he was the first Magyar leader to be a proper Christian (unlike his dad Géza, who did get baptized, but still retained some of the pagan customs); plus he actively spread Christianity among Magyars (founding of the first Hungarian bishoprics, the one church for every 10 villages rule etc.), for better or for worse
created the basis for later Hungarian administration, including the minting of first Hungarian coins and the first law code in Hungarian history
helped Byzantines conquer Bulgaria
infamous for imprisoning and blinding his cousin and successor Vazul (chronicles blame his wife's influence, but they're probably just being sexist)
@biksarddedrak said about them: "The only thing, what you actually need to know is he was crowned on 25. of December year of our Lord 1000. The absolute unit of this man managed to haggle the pope to elevate whole Panonian basin on the most easly memorabe day. (...) I. Istvám defended his right to rule from several pagan lords who wished to deposed him in the beginig of his rule. And he did it from glorious city of Nitra."
I.Károly (Karol I.) - but be honest, we all know him as Károly/Karol Róbert
1301-1342
spent the first few years on the throne fending off antikings, namely Václav III., who then gave up and passed his claim onto Otto of Bavaria, whom Károly subsequently defeated
upon his ascencion to the throne country basically ruled by the feuding nobles, also know in this period as oligarchs, he managed to consolidate his reign and regain most of the royal power trough a combination of warfare (Rozgony/Rozhanovce 1312 HELLOOO) and appeasing them with court functions
I don't even know where to START with this guy's reforms - seriously, he minted the first gold coins in Hungary, instated the banderial system (levy of the royal army from the soldiers drafted by the cities, comitates and nobles, look it was a big deal, just trust me), reformed the administation of the country and so, so much more I can't get into; basically, this man was Maria Theresa before Maria Theresa
he mostly avoided wars because of the bad shape of Hungarian treasury, though he did lead a couple of them (conflicts with Venice and Wallachia)
initiator of the 1335 meeting in Visegrád with John of Luxembourg and Casimir III. of Poland; basically, we have him to thank for the name Visegrád Four
(admin is from Košice, so he has just inherently won in her eyes because of Rozhanovce)
@tunderilona said about him: #károly róbert sweep he literally reformed the entire country
@cdqueer said about him: #hes got that anjou rizz (perfected by i. lajos <3)
@tonhalszendvics said about him: #of course károly robi had to fight off everyone in his first years#he was crowned officially in 1308#he fucked up two times before that#i mean you need to be crowned in székesfehérvár by the archbishop of esztergom with the holy crown#third time the charm he did it
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20 questions for fic writers
I was tagged by @cha-melodius, thank you! <3<3
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
439! The plan is posting two more tonight so hopefull that will soon be 441 LOL.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
939,623! Almost a million yay!
3. What fandoms do you write for?
At the moment mostly TMFU, I have been getting into writing Banana Fish fic too, and I write for The Witcher, though less frequently than TMFU.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Stretch (Buck/Eddie+Christopher, 911, 3x02 AU)
Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace (Harvey/Mike, Suits, soulmates AU)
I held your hand as you shook in the middle of the night (Geralt/Jaskier, The Witcher, 1x06 fix-it)
Leave it unspoken (Harvey/Mike, Suits, a serial killer on the loose AU looool I had forgotten about this one)
Concession (Geralt/Jaskier, The Witcher, Geralt likes being the little spoon fic)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Yesssss, I'm like constantly behind and sometimes I answer months late, but I love answering because 1) comments make me so happy and I want the readers who took the time to let me know they enjoyed the fic to KNOW THAT, 2) talking about fics is SO much fun, I think that discussing things in the comments is the best part of posting.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
LOOOOOOOOOOOL filter for MCD on my Ao3 and take your pick. But I'd go with either Forever is the sweetest con (Napoleon/Illya/Gaby, TMFU) because the story is told backwards, so you start with post-MCD and end pre-MCD, so the ending is happy but. well. the happiness is gone already and you know it LOL, or maybe Meaner than my demons, colder than this home (Napoleon/Illya/Gaby, TMFU), purely because generally speaking when I play with MCD I kill just one of them off and leave the other two to pick up the pieces, but here there's just Napoleon left, so. probably worse than the others LOL.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Sooo, I tend to write one-shots, and I HAVE written fluffy fics, but I think I'll go with Something gets lost from a safe distance (Napoleon/Illya, TMFU) because it's part of a three-part series that's all emotional hurt/comfort, and then it ends with fluffy kissing so.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Eh, it has happened, I think it's inevitable if you have been doing this for long enough LOL.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Nope.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Not usually, I did write a TMFU/Supernatural crossover though LOL.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I’m aware of.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yesss, more than once and it's always extremely flattering that someone would want to go through all that effort <3
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Nope.
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Right now I feel particularly strongly about the TMFU OT3 but like. I love so many.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I HAVE MULTIPLE LONGFICS SITTING IN MY DRAFTS DAMMIT. I just never want to post longfics unless I have either a first draft for every chapter or at the very least an extremely detailed outline for every chapter, which means that I end up always posting one-shots LOL. Two notable mentions among these longfics are a "Napoleon gets amnesia and bullshits his way through it to avoid telling anyone because he has trust issues" fic and an AU with Illya as a ghost that's a whole angsty mess. help me.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Eeeeeeeh the emotions I'd say. Or I HOPE so, since that's pretty much 80% of my writing loooool Also there a lot of lines of dialogue that I come up with that I unironically like.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Plots for one, I just tend to write snapshots with no real plot most of the time, and action. I don't LIKE writing it, which means I can never tell if it's boring or if I'm just projecting, and I tend to avoid it. ...also romance/attraction/getting-together. My aroace ass never knows what is believable romance and what are just tv show tropes that are not actually real LOL.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I generally don't do it and keep to the language of the narration, just clarifying "X says in German" if there's a change of language. I write limited third POV, so I just see it as "filtering" everything through the lens of the person that we are seeing the perspective of. If I'm writing from Gaby's POV, for instance (she's German but fluent in English), I feel like TECHNICALLY the narration should be in German, so by writing in English I have already chosen a filter that is not 100% accurate. But that's the filter I'm going with, so English is the language that Gaby is communicating to the reader in, so everything should be communicated through English lens: if she's talking to someone in English, I will just write the lines with no specifications, if she's talking in German I still write in English and write "in German" in the narration, and if someone speaks a language she doesn't know I don't write the actual dialogue because she doesn't understand it, so the reader doesn't get to see it either.
I hope this makes some sort of sense LOOOOOL, I don't really mind any way I've seen this done, but this is how I prefer to go about it.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
The Fallen book series. LOL.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
Evil question, go directly to jail, do not collect 100$. This answer will absolutely change every five minutes, but right now I'm particularly feeling Souvenir from a life left behind (Napoleon/Illya, TMFU), just a tiny dissolution of UNCLE fic with Napoleon angsting.
.
Tagging: @imgoingtofreakoutnow @ikeepwatchinghelicopters @thetamehistorian @huggiebird @deducitetemporacarmen @set-phasers-to-whump @cherryjuicegf @geralt-of-vengerberg and anyone else who hasn't done this yet and wants to play <3
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The fact a certain purple alien dude is getting some attention lately (hi there @rainbow-wolf120 👋) that has been making me super giddy!
A Rayman/Tonic Trouble Crossover has been a dream from the moment I recognized the general in his Rayman 2 cameo, but I never could quite cook up the muse/energy to fully commit to the bit myself.
Figured I might indulge anyway and share a little blurb/draft I did a while back just to get some wriggles out and share in the Tonic Trouble hype :D
💫🍹🛸
"Don't be such a wuss."
"I'm just saying that this is a bad idea."
Rayman rolls his eyes at the reluctant alien.
"You'll get used to it," he says, "Don't forget that I need your expertise."
"I don't have expertise," Ed protests, "I'm just the janitor!"
Rayman quirks a brow at him.
"Didn't you clear up that whole Tonic mess?"
"After causing it!" Ed cries out. He's clearly not proud of it, frantic even. Enough so that Rayman loosens the tension in his stance.
The alien was serious about having no expertise because if anyone HAD been around to listen, they would have been caught by now.
"Hey," he says, his hand dangling loose at his side. He can’t help but notice the way Ed stares at it ever since Rayman dismantled the first ambush they'd run into.
"It's okay."
Ed gulps.
"No, it's not."
His hands fly to his face and Rayman hears the alien groan.
"I had hoped to never have to deal with this again."
Rayman scoffs and nudges the alien in his ribs.
"So did I," he says, "And yet, here's a crazy purple alien ravaging my Glade with an army of Grolgoths. One was bad enough!"
"I met the guy ONCE," Ed laments.
"Precisely," Rayman says and takes another glimpse around the corner again, just to be sure, before he focuses back on Ed.
"How high are the chances he'll recognize you?"
"Not… very," Ed admits. He's changed too since being on the stand. For better or worse, he doesn't know yet.
Considering no one came to pick him up…
"They've probably forgotten about me, actually."
Doesn't mean he likes hopping into the deep end.
To his disappointment, that's EXACTLY what Rayman wanted to hear and the Limbless gives him a confirming nod.
"I've heard they store the Grolgoths here. Do you think you can maybe hijack one?"
"Oh sure," Ed replies, his voice laced with snark, "If you want it crashed at the first instance."
Rayman snorts, in fact. That large hand covers part of his face, but Ed sees the amused glimmer in his eyes.
"Yeah," he says, "That would be favorable actually."
"Sure," Ed submits in annoyance, "I'm just a sucker for punishment."
---
AN/Trivia: Rayman has no reason to trust Ed save for the fact he's a "friend" who was dragged in by Joe the Alien to help.
This was supposed to explore the idea of the General recognizing Ed and pinning him as a Traitor. So he sends Razorbeard on his tail and that would be the backstory of his skeleton appearing in that Rayman Arena Cutscene in one of the robots chambers (and explore whether or not Razor was actually successful or faked a prop to save his butt xD)
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Hat Trick
Eustass Kid x cisfem!Reader x Trafalgar Law
CW: Language, violence, sexual themes, crass humor -
Summary: Hat Trick is a purely self-indulgent story. It's more porn than plot (at least at the start), but there's a story in there too.
It's my first multi-love story, and little slow going, but I hope you enjoy it.
18+ as always.
Chapter 2: Terms of Endearment
“You wrote a contract?” Eustass Kid questions, reading over the single page you handed to him and Law.
You had really sat down and chewed on the entire idea once you had gotten home, and had started to list out notes to make sure you were keeping everything in order. That had shifted into drafting something like a contract, not that it was meant to be legally binding in any way. You had titled it “Terms of Endearment” because you’re a nerd and it amused you, but now that the two of them were reading it with bemused smirks on their faces you wanted to take the pages back and just disappear.
You were all having coffee and donuts at a café down the street from the Gym. Having this conversation at the Gym felt wildly uncomfortable so you had all opted for the small café.
You were also acutely aware of how good the two of them looked right now. They weren’t wearing anything special, jeans and t-shirts both of them, but maybe it was because everything was out in the open about, but it just wasn’t fair. It was hard to focus on them before now, and it was certainly worse now.
Worse? Better? Right now it was really hard to say.
“It’s… yeah.” You admit your face going red. “I got worked up last night thinking about everything and this helped me calm down, and -.”
“No, it’s fine Mouse.” He interrupts, his face twisting as he fights to stifle a laugh. “It’s very you.”
You make a displeased noise, and Kid covers his mouth with his hand.
“You want Eustass-ya and I to spend time together… without you?” Law questions. Unlike Kid he had been reading over it for the last couple minutes.
“Eh?!” Kid turns his attention back to the paper and starts reading, you can see his golden-brown eyes moving back and forth.
“Yeah, I mean, you guys don’t have to get along 100%, but I’d like you to be able to get along with each other without me around. I don’t want to worry I’ll be coming back to a fight or something every time I leave you on your own.” You explain. “Not that that’s really ever been a problem, but-.”
“I get it. You’re worried the change in dynamic from friends to lovers would make things worse.” Law interrupts with a sigh. His expression says he wants to argue but can’t. “The logic’s sound.”
“This is all Honor System based.” Kid says after reading the whole thing.
“Yeah, I’m not trying to get lawyers or blood oaths involved.” You’re grinning as you look between the two of them. “Besides, I trust you two. If not then, well, I mean, I probably wouldn’t have been willing to try this.”
Kid makes a face as he looks over it again.
“What’s wrong?”
“There’s nothing in here to protect you.” He says, setting the paper down and tapping it. “What if we get to the end of this trial and you decide you don’t like either of us? I mean, if you pick one or the other, then the other just bounces – finds a different gym, keeps their distance on campus, that sort of thing.”
“I… huh? I mean… we would just… go back to being friends, right?” You had been so sure about that, but seeing Kid and Law’s faces was making you feel weird.
“(Y/N)-ya…” Law hesitated, but you could understand the look on his face.
“Sorry Mouse, but we did this because… I mean, shit. It sounds like a punk-ass thing to say, but I’d need some time if you picked that emo-fuck.” Kid’s expression was caught between embarrassment and frustration.
“He’s not wrong.” Law admits.
“Oh. Oh… ah hahaha, aahh – heck.” You put your hands over your face. “I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t realize.”
“It’s alright, we were trying to not pressure you.” Law explains.
“… The way you two keep talking, it’s like you’ve been talking about this between yourselves before now.” You say, peeking from between your fingers enough to see them both flinch.
“It was… a few weeks ago.” Law starts explaining. “We both knew how the other felt about you long before then (Y/N)-ya, but-.”
“Long before then?” You repeat. You’re not mad, but you were starting to wonder how long you had been oblivious about these two. You’re starting to feel a little horrified that you never noticed before now.
“… I’m not gonna recount sappy shit like that in front of him.” Kid grumbles. “But yeah, long before.”
Law clears his throat and pulls the conversation back. “A few weeks ago, we heard someone talking about Sweetest Day. We made, well, a Gentleman’s Bet. We’d ask at the same time, the same way, and take whatever happened.”
“I said you wouldn’t be able to choose,” Kid interjects with a grin. “You’re too nice, Mouse.”
“That’s when we agreed to offer the compromise.” Law finishes dryly. “The counteroffer,” he says tapping the paper, “wasn’t exactly expected, but I can’t say I’m completely surprised.”
You’re quiet for a moment before you sigh. “So, everything’s going to change just before winter break no matter what.”
“Everything was going to change once you graduated,” Kid says, and when you catch his gaze you can feel the heat rising in your face. “We weren’t exactly oblivious, Mouse.”
“It’s another reason why we were willing to take the risk.” Law adds.
“I wasn’t… I mean, I meant to… um.”
“Meant to say nothing and just let that ship sail, eh? Gonna move back to whatever part of the Metro you came from and let it go?” Kid’s voice was mostly teasing, but there was a twinge of irritation. “That’s letting things change for shitty reasons, Mouse.”
“For what it’s worth,” Law offers. “You weren’t overt, but it wasn’t impossible to notice either, and the two of us are around you more than most.”
Kid grunts. “You didn’t smile at Killer the same way, and your voice wouldn’t hit the same pitch, unless it was him.” He explains, jerking his thumb toward Law.
“Oh gods don’t start telling me my tells.” You say, putting your head down onto the table and covering the back of your head as you face goes red. “It’s too late for me to stop and I don’t need to hear it.”
Kid chuckles. “Alright, but there is one more thing we need to talk about, Mouse.”
“Somewhere other than here, though.” Law says, standing up. “It’s not a conversation that needs to be overheard.”
“You comfortable having us over?” Kid asks as you and he get up as well.
“I mean, yeah?” You did just admit you trusted them, and they were more likely to behave with the other around to keep them in check.
“Let’s head over there then,” Law says, “I’ll drive.”
“Do you even have a car? Your whole crew’s a buncha eco-freaks.” Kid asks as you all file out of the café. “I just can’t imagine rocking anything with more leg-room than a Prius.”
“You make it sound like you haven’t customized that beast of yours to be practically zero emissions.” Law retorts easily, clicking a button and flashing the lights on a black Audi with gold rims.
“That’s not a Prius,” you grin at Eustass as he snorts. “Is that an RS7?”
“It’s the limited edition,” Kid grumbles before Law could answer.
You made Kid sit up front with Law and gave directions to your apartment from the café. It was a short enough drive, and nothing happened in the car. You took them up to the fourth, and top, floor of the complex and brought them into your space.
It was a simple enough design. A small hall with a coat closet and space for shoes that opened into a kitchen on the right and a living room space beyond that. Your bedroom was to the left, just after a door to a half-bath that was meant for guest usage. The full bathroom was beyond that, with a better entrance from your room. It was almost completely square, and easy enough to maintain. Ideal for one person with enough extra space for a couple guests.
The living room had just enough space for a sectional couch and a TV, with a couple stools that were under the breakfast counter that separated the living room and kitchen.
You made coffee and tea for drinks for everyone and Kid and Law settled into either side of the sectional. Setting drinks down, you pulled a stool over to the coffee table and sat on it, facing the two of them.
“So, what’s the clandestine topic you have to share that can’t be said in a café?”
“How much do you know about the Metro’s underground?” Law asks calmly.
You almost choke on your tea.
“I mean, I grew up close to the center of the city.” You admit, regaining your composure easily. “I’m sure I know more than most. Like, I know the Warlords by name, and I know they’re meant to keep the Emperors in check. I know the outer sections have, um, Kings – people who establish themselves in those areas and make a bid for either a Warlord position or Emperor position.
“And all that is because everyone believes the legendary One Piece is somewhere in the center of the Metro.” You take a sip of your tea as you finish.
“Wow, Mouse.” Kid looks genuinely surprised. “Here I thought you were just a little house mouse.”
“Do you know who the King of East Blue is?” Law sets his tea down as he asks. If he was surprised by what you knew you hadn’t caught his expression.
You nod. “I would like to hope so.”
“Friends of yours?” Kid questions and you nod again. He laughs, and it’s full of amusement. “Fuck Mouse, we were walking around on our tiptoes and here you’re practically in the same boat.”
“Eh?”
“Eustass-ya is the King of South Blue, and I’m the King of North Blue.” Law explains. “Half of why I’m finishing my degree here, and why Eustass is here, is so we can watch over East Blue for Luffy while his crew’s traveling.”
“So… you’re all friends?”
Law shrugs. “It’s more like an alliance.”
“It turns out what we’re all after is just different enough there’s no reason for us not to help one another.” Kid explains.
“I… huh.” You sit on the stool and mull over what you were hearing.
“We wanted you to know what you were potentially getting into, if this goes forward.” Law says. “It’s not the kind of information that should said lightly, but it would be -.”
“It’d be fucked up if you fell for us without knowing we’re basically criminals, Mouse.” Kid interrupts.
“Yeah… I…” You make a weird noise of frustration. “Hang on.”
You get up and go into your bedroom, pulling a picture down that has you, Luffy, and Shanks. You’re barely even ten in the photo and Luffy’s a couple years younger, and Shanks wasn’t pushing forty. You go back out into the living room, looking down at the picture, before sighing and handing it over.
“I’m… not allowed to speak on the details, but I think that says enough.”
You might not have seen any surprise on Law’s face before, but you certainly saw it now. He handed the photo over to Kid who nearly dropped it.
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing he’s not part of our plans.” Law admits, shaking his head lightly. “Of all the possibilities to expect, this was not one of them.”
Kid laughs, setting the picture down on the coffee table. “We’re all a bunch of idiots. No wonder you were always so vague about your family, Mouse. Fuck, we were all worried about running the others off by bein’ honest.” He leans back, putting his arms out along the back of the couch. “This all sounds like the best outcome we coulda hoped for.”
“I mean, yeah, but… ah, I hope I don’t come across as rude for saying this, but I’m not officially associated with, um-.”
“Neither of us are here ‘cause we’re trying for anything like that.” Kid says with a crooked smile, waving his hand idly. “I mean, we didn’t know about any of this until just now.”
“And we’re not like the Charlottes,” Law added. “We’re not going exploit you.”
“Oh, no, I didn’t, I just -.”
“It’s fine, Mouse. We get it.” Kid pats the couch. “We got all the details covered, come sit down.”
“I am sitting.” You insist, motioning to your stool.
“You’re not sitting. You’re perched like you’re a sneeze away from locking yourself in your room.” Kid says, giving you a sarcastic look. “Your paper thing said you wanted the three of us to hang out from time to time, and not just one or the other of us, so,” he pats the couch again. “I’m not going to eat you. I mean, not unless you ask me to.”
“You’ve sat between us before,” Law points out.
“Yes, before uh…” You wave your hand idly, but get up with a bit of a sigh, walking past Law’s legs to sit in the turn of the sectional. “It was easier when I didn’t know that anyone knew.”
Kid slides a little closer, turning at the last minute and bringing his leg up so there was a buffer between the two of you. He’s still tall enough to close the distance, but he stays back for the most part.
“If anything makes you uncomfortable, just use a color system, Mouse.” He offers with a sure grin. “Green means you’re good, yellow means you’re not sure and things need to slow down, and red means you need things to stop.”
“That sounds like safe words for BDSM,” you muse, glancing over and seeing Law’s moved closer as well, his position mirroring Kid’s.
“It’s a straightforward way to communicate that’s easy to remember in the heat of the moment.” Law explains, the look in his eyes making your face go red. You can’t hold onto the golden gaze and look away, opting instead to look at your knees and feet. “What color are you at now?”
You can feel Law and Kid leaning closer. You can feel your heart thundering in your chest, and you’re certainly you’re lit up like a Christmas tree right now, but you’re not uncomfortable. Embarrassed, sure, and certainly not in a mind to initiate anything yourself, but you don’t feel unsafe.
“G-green.”
“You’re beet-red and you’re saying green?” Kid muses. He doesn’t sound argumentative, just curious.
You nod.
“Can you explain it to me, (Y/N)-ya?”
“I… I’m not afraid, and, um, even though I’m – I’m,” you stumble over the word and just wave your hand around your obviously red face. “It’s… not… uncomfortable. I’m not worried or… anything.”
“So, if we go a little further,” Kid’s voice is heavy in your ear and you can feel the tickle of his breath against your skin.
His fingers slip over your yours lightly, and Law’s do the same with your other hand. You can’t believe these two coordinated this, but you can imagine they’re both caught up in the moment in similar ways. Kid’s hand is hot, almost feverishly so, and Law’s hand is cool by comparison, almost cold. Neither were uncomfortable, but you were reminded of red vs blue, fire vs ice, night and day.
Definably different, but oddly similar at the same time.
“If you just turn your head a little,” Kid prompts.
You shake your head. “I… I don’t want to choose, I’m sorry.”
“Then me first,” Law’s voice is practically a command. “I don’t want that punk’s lipstick all over the place,” he grumbles, a thin cool finger pressed against your chin, turning you gently toward him.
You can hear Eustass click his tongue, but he doesn’t argue. Law’s lips find yours, soft and dry and warm, with a kiss that’s restrained. You can almost feel the need and want that lingers behind it, it’s practically chaste, if not for the emotions behind it. You could feel your heart flutter, and the little zip of electricity that skip through your chest made your breath come out just a little heavy.
You smiled softly at Law before you turned toward Eustass.
“Don’t start being competitive already,” You say, seeing the wolfish grin on Kid’s face.
“Yeah, yeah, c’mere, Mouse.” His words are grinning more than his mouth as his lips push against yours. The hot kiss carried the scent and feel of lipstick, but the same restrained emotions swirled behind it. Given his usual default level of fire and passion you felt like he was restraining himself even more, to avoid making you think he was being competitive.
The flutter and zing of your heart was different from what Law did to you, but it was still deeply pleasant and, admittedly, addicting.
If these first kisses were any indication, you were going to face a terribly difficult choice come winter break.
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Anything you wanna share on Eddie Angst Discard? Thank you!
This was my first take on writing the Eddie and Deacon scene at the beach for Family, Familia, ‘Ohana. Ultimately, it was a direction I decided not to go in. It got some heavy editing before I decided it wasn’t going to work and cut it out and pasted it into its own document. Some of this ended up being used as a skeleton for the scene being reworked/rewritten that ended up getting into the chapter.
Note: Grammarly has never seen this. This is possibly second draft territory inasmuch as I hate editing.
For your amusement, @monsterrae1:
However, Eddie wasn’t sure about things again. He’d thought he’d known how he’d ended up on the outs with Buck but now he knew that there’d been something else at play. Something he hadn’t known to worry about.
Another thing he’d missed—that he’d missed because he trusted Bobby to tell the team the truth about the lawsuit.
“I actually think she was worried you were so upset that you might get hurt again. She didn’t tell me why—just asked me to find you and make sure you were okay.” Deacon was calm, measured. He didn’t take offense.
Sometimes Eddie wished Deacon would take offense—he was being unreasonable. He thought he’d worked on not being this way but the backslide rankled. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Again with the reasonableness.
Eddie struggled a moment internally with how to, as Frank said, use his words. He could almost see Buck saying that to him too. Looking at his hands, they were covered in sand that clung to his skin making it dusty and rough. “Some days... all I can do is focus on making sure Christopher is getting what he needs—that he’s taken care of. Everything else? It’s... I just don’t....”
Deacon was quiet and listening attentively but didn’t interrupt despite Eddie’s struggle. Maybe he should just explain...
“I.... I didn’t know that Bobby had made the recommendation to bench Buck that set off... everything.”
“What do you mean?”
Eddie licked his lips, feeling the grit of the sand that had been blowing around in the wind. “Every day.... some days are worse than others. After Afghanistan I really.... it was tough coming back to a civilian life. I couldn’t stay in Texas.... my parents tried to file legally to take Christopher away from me and my wife—Shannon—was gone.”
Deacon sharply inhaled. “They what?”
He felt like he was swallowing glass it hurt so much to talk about this but he needed to get it out. Frank had been poking around this a bit lately but Eddie hadn’t been able to verbalize it to the shrink—it was why he was pretty sure he wasn’t made to go to a therapist. He really just wanted to talk to Buck but maybe Deacon... yeah. “They had the paperwork all filled out and asked me to voluntarily sign Christopher over to them.”
“Eddie....” Deacon had a horrified look on his face. “Why would they?!?”
Swallowing against the tightness again, Eddie shook his head in denial. “I wasn’t doing well when I got back and Shannon had just left. I had... I was trying to just focus on doing what was right for Christopher and we had a few disagreements about... about what a kid with a disability should be able to do. They kept it from me right until they put the paperwork in front of me asking me to sign them. To give them full custody of Christopher because I wasn’t being careful enough with him. I was seeing a counselor at the VA then and they said.... I was worried that they’d use my own medical records against me. I wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD or anything but I had some symptoms and... I couldn’t keep talking to the counselor and risk that.”
“Eddie... they couldn’t... it doesn’t work that way.”
“It was voluntary they said. It would be doing the right thing for Christopher. That I was being too... dangerous with him. I....” He struggled to find the words to explain. “I didn’t want Christopher to be held back. He’s capable of so much and they wanted... want to put him in this protective bubble so he’ll never...”
“They want to limit him,” Deacon guessed and Eddie nodded in relief that Deacon understood.
“Yes. But that’s not what Christopher needs. Buck gets that.”
“So what does that have to do with Bobby?” Deacon cocked his head, not seeing the point Eddie was trying to make. He was making a mess of trying to explain. This was why he didn’t want to ever talk to anyone—it was so messed up even in his own brain how could he adequately explain his fears?
“So I moved from Texas to LA. Got a job at the 118. I.... I had my Abuela and Pepa but I couldn’t....”
“Trust them?”
Eddie shrugged. “No... they supported me. It’s why I moved here... but I...”
“You didn’t have a partner,” Deacon guessed and then tilted his head back when Eddie nodded. “It’s not the same having family versus a spouse or partner who’s always there.”
“No it’s not. I thought maybe Shannon.... but I didn’t know what to do or how to reach out. She’d been gone for two years by then.”
“That’s a long time to be raising a kid by yourself when your family isn’t supportive,” the other man observed sadly.
“Yeah. I missed the.... the way that I was with my unit before everything happened. Trust is big you know? I thought when I got home that my family would... that they’d support me but nobody was interested in just... in just letting me be and letting me figure it out. They all wanted something from me or didn’t have time for me to figure out how to be normal again. Then my first day at the 118 Buck is all in my face and I thought for a second that LA was going to be the same as El Paso that I’d have to move along at some point—that it was just a stop for now.”
“But it wasn’t?”
“No. I.... I told myself that letting anyone close was just going to end up like my parents or my wife.”
Deacon brushed his shoulder against Eddie’s in support. “So what happened?”
Eddie found himself smiling sadly at the memory. “Buck and I.... our second day we had to pull a live grenade out of a guy’s leg.”
“What?”
“I knew what I was doing,” Eddie protested. “Buck... he didn’t hesitate. He jumped in the ambulance with me despite us having had a few words earlier that day.”
“He trusted you?”
“Yeah. And he... he didn’t hesitate. I told him that he could have my back any day....”. He’d meant it then and he still meant it. Eddie knew he hadn’t done a good job of it lately but he still very much meant it with everything he had. “Buck he... when he found out I had Christopher the first thing he did was tell me he loved kids.... then he tried to reassure me that Chris would be fine at school.”
“I sense there’s more to that story...”
“Yeah. It was during that big earthquake almost two years ago. I couldn’t get a hold of the school but Buck knew all these building code facts about how Chris was probably in the safest place he could be in. He kept it up until I believed him....”
Another nudge of the shoulder in support. “Sounds like Buck really had your back.”
“He did. I... I didn’t realize it but he just jumped right over all the barriers I’d made to keep people out and made himself at home before I could figure out how to keep him out. He... I trust him more than I did Shannon—my wife,” Eddie let his voice trail off. He hadn’t really thought it out until he said it but it was true. Buck had easily avoided all the mental barriers that he had constructed to keep people at a distance—family and friends—since Afghanistan. Buck had made himself right at home next to Christopher in his life without him even having time to notice or protest. This made Buck’s absence even more painful as it was a gaping hole in his life. He’d screwed up so much.
“Your dead wife?” Deacon prompted him.
The chuckle that escaped sounded pained. “Yeah. My dead wife. Although she wouldn’t have been my wife for much longer....”
Deacon frowned. “What do you mean?”
Deciding he might as well just tell Deacon the whole sordid mess, Eddie hunched his shoulders but tried to get it all out at once. “Shannon tried to get back into Chris’ and my life—said she was going to be there for us again and I foolishly let myself hope that maybe... maybe I could do the right thing. Fix things. Chris was so happy to see his mom again and I... I thought maybe we could be a family again.”
“That’s understandable—“
“No. I mean,” Eddie paused and took a deep breath. “I let myself hope that maybe it would work this time. I even bought her a new ring and I’d taken her out to a nice restaurant... but she handed me divorce papers.”
“What?”
A few tears leaked out of his eyes and he angrily wiped at them with a sniffle. “Shannon served me divorce papers the night I thought I was going to ask her to move back in and we could try again to be a family.”
Deacon gaped at him.
Eddie decided to let the last painful detail loose. “She died the next day—car accident. Died in my arms since we were the house called to the scene.”
“Oh god. Eddie I’m—“
“What? Sorry? Why? It wasn’t your fault. She’d made her decision to leave and then left permanently.” He couldn’t meet Deacon’s eyes and glared out at the water. He was still bitterly angry at Shannon for coming back into Christopher’s life and then leaving again.
Neither of them spoke for a moment.
“You’re angry with her,” Deacon observed before muttering, “I’d be angry with her.”
“Yeah,” he bit out. “I am angry with her but it’s hard to be angry with someone that’s dead. I feel like...an asshole for admitting it though. She didn’t mean to leave us—me.”
Deacon was silent for a moment. “You feel like she abandoned you.”
Abandoned. That was a great label for what he was feeling. “Yeah. Abandoned—the thing that sucks the most? Nobody knew about the divorce papers other than Buck.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I guess... I thought if everyone knew then they’d know it was my fault she left.” It had been his fault. Shannon hadn’t wanted to be married to him anymore. Maybe who he was really angry at was himself.
“I don’t think that.”
Eddie’s head snapped up to look at Deacon. “What?”
Deacon took another moment, choosing his words carefully. “Marriages are a two way street—it’s not your fault or at least not yours alone. It sounds to me like you actually wanted to make things work. That you were trying. To me that doesn’t mean your were at fault.”
Eddie thought over Deacon’s words. “But it is my fault. I wasn’t enough to make her want to stay. I... I left first with my deployments and I was never there for her.”
“In the past maybe,” Deacon interrupted. “But I’ve seen you with Christopher and I have to disagree. Someone who decides to move to try and do the best for their kid isn’t leaving—you came to LA where your wife was right?”
“Well yeah but—“
“But nothing. You were trying to reach out. To make things work right?”
“Yeah....”
“Then I don’t know what else you could have done Eddie. Sometimes relationships don’t work out and sometimes it’s too late for reasons that are beyond our control.”
He let Deacon’s words sink in. Eddie understood what Deacon was saying and he theoretically got it but it didn’t change how angry he sometimes felt towards Shannon. “I just still... I get so angry sometimes.”
“To me that seems a valid feeling given what happened.” Deacon carefully laid a hand on Eddie’s bare forearm, fingers warm as he squeezed in support.
“Yeah but how do I feel anything other than angry? I just want to stop being so angry all the time.” He was so tired of being angry all the time and it seemed to color everything. It’d gotten so much worse once he’d been ordered to not talk to Buck with the lawsuit and he’d lost the one person he’d gotten used to using as his sounding board. Buck was...
Shit.
Buck was his confident and partner. He’d been more like a spouse than Shannon had been even before they’d gotten married and actually talked about more than parenting stuff. He talked to Buck about everything. Buck was always the first to know, the first he told about things, the person he planned everything with.
And then it’d stopped. Because Buck had been hurt and Bobby had made the recommendation that he couldn’t come back to work. It didn’t take a leap of faith on Eddie’s part to understand Buck’s reaction.
He’d been ignoring Deacon who kept repeating his name,”...Eddie?”
“I think... I think I know why it got so bad.”
Deacon hadn’t released his arm and his brow was deeply furrowed in concern. “What do you mean?”
“When Buck filed the lawsuit it wasn’t too long after the tsunami. Christopher was having nightmares almost every night and.... he’d wake up crying and I had a lot of trouble soothing him. I couldn’t... I was pretty sure he was having flashbacks and nightmares and he would wake up crying for Buck most of the time but sometimes he’d ask for Shannon too. When he’d ask for Buck we’d call him and just talking to Buck was usually enough for Chris to settle down enough that I was enough. The nights when he was asking for Shannon I couldn’t do anything but hold him and he’d cry and cry....
Deacon was fixed on Eddie’s words, waiting to hear the next part and his hand squeezed in comfort around Eddie’s forearm. “Eddie....”
“Let me finish. Part of the lawsuit was that we were told we couldn’t talk to Buck by the union lawyers. None of us. Not Bobby, Hen or Chimney without a lawyer present or we’d potentially be putting our own jobs at risk.” He paused... and then added, “ And I couldn’t speak to him either. Chris had a good week the week before—no more phone calls to Buck at 2 AM for almost two weeks. And the night after I was told that I couldn’t talk to Buck, Chris had another one. He cried for what felt like hours and didn’t understand why I couldn’t call his Bucky. I almost did and I wouldn’t have cared at all if I lost my job over it.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah,” Eddie rubbed his face with his hands, feeling so tired just remembering how sleep deprived he’d been. “I got Chris into a child psychologist the next day I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Did it help?”
Eddie shrugged. “Some. Chris still wakes up pretty frequently but he’d stopped asking me all the time for Buck because he knows I wouldn’t call him—couldn’t call him.”
“Still?”
“That’s the reason it started.... but I’m the asshole who didn’t... I didn’t react well when we had the meeting with the lawyer and that cabrón used Shannon’s death as an example of how Buck was being discriminated against. I was so stuck up in my own head that I....”
“You didn’t start talking again when you could have,” Deacon summed up.
He nodded. “Yeah. I used to talk to Buck about everything and then all of the sudden I couldn’t find any words to say to him that weren’t angry or something I’d regret the moment they were out of my mouth.”
Deacon made a noise that encouraged Eddie to continue. “We went from talking about everything to not talking at all. I’d like to blame it just on us but.... I found out the reason Buck filed the lawsuit.”
“Why?”
“Bobby made a recommendation that even though the docs had cleared Buck and he’d passed the fitness tests... Bobby didn’t think it was safe for him to return to duty.”
“Does Bobby get to make that call? Overrule a doctor’s clearance? Because he’s your captain?”
Eddie shrugged. “Buck was doing stuff as a fire marshal. He hated it but it was something and Bobby was happy to see him back to work—we all were even if he was a terror with the clipboard. You have to understand... Buck lives and breathes being a firefighter. We’re his family and he doesn’t have much outside of the 118 in his life. I don’t... I get why he sued Bobby. I wish he’d talked to me first though so I would have known... that I wouldn’t just be told I couldn’t talk to him.”
“Sounds like both of you should have talked to each other.”
Eddie snorted. That was putting things mildly. “I’m not mad or angry or whatever you want to call it with Buck.”
“You’re not?”
“I think... I’m mostly angry with myself. I’ve screwed up so many times... and at the end of the day it’s my fault.”
“Eddie... have you talked to Buck about any of this?”
“No. I... I texted him a few times just to check in and he texts back but it’s... it’s not the same. I don’t know how to... to do it. And to find out that the reason we stopped talking was Bobby? I just... I don’t know how to go to work tomorrow.”
“Why?”
Eddie gestured helplessly. “How do I trust him Deac? How do I trust that he’s telling me what I need to know? That he’s not keeping things from me because they’re inconvenient or whatever? I just don’t know.... trust...” he stuffed his hand in his mouth and bit down on his knuckle.
Deacon tugged at his arm, pulling his hand away. “Don’t. I...I didn’t mention that Hondo got squad leader over me did I?”
Surprised, Eddie looked at Deacon who was staring at his own hands now. “What? I mean you’re...”
“Best friends and partners? Yeah.” Deacon sighed heavily, letting his eyes close for a moment before opening them to look out over the sand to the water. “We’ve been work partners for almost a decade but he’s been my section leader now for over a year. He was promoted over me.”
“That... must have caused problems.”
“It should have caused more. My wife hates it but... I.... Hondo still listens to me. Relies on me. Do I wish I’d been given the promotion to team lead that was rightfully mine? Some days yes, some days no.”
“How do you... how did you get over being overlooked?” It wasn’t the same but Deacon and Hondo were a solid unit much like he used to be with Buck.
Deacon took a deep breath and let it out. “I think I realized what was more important to me was my relationship with my partner than the promotion and my career. Which is probably why my wife hates it.”
“Why would she?”
“Annie... she was diagnosed with brain cancer six months ago—and she’s mostly okay now,” he added before Eddie could ask. “We had a rough patch right before then—she felt I should have been promoted instead of Hondo and... I think she hated it that I wasn’t more upset. I spend all this time at work—a lot of hours. Most of them are with Hondo and...she gets jealous that I don’t tell him no. That when my phone rings it’s him and I have to go and leave her with the kids—it’s not an option to let someone else have his back.” Deacon’s eyes fell to his hands that he’d laced together over his knees. “She said he gets more of me than she does anymore and she’s right. I’m more Deacon than her David.”
“But Hondo... you trust him right? Has he done anything ever like Bobby has?” Eddie asked, still processing the whole comment about Deacon’s wife being jealous of his work partner.
“That’s just it... I do trust him. We’ve had our moments where we haven’t told each other everything and sometimes it has led to less than optimal outcomes... but I can still trust him at work. I know it’s not the same thing as it is with your captain but maybe it is that way with Buck and you.”
“Maybe,” Eddie agreed. “You said you’ve had arguments before? With Hondo?”
“All the time but we’ve worked together so long we’re mostly in sync these days.”
Staring out at the waves, Eddie nodded slowly. “I guess… I think I need to talk to Bobby.”
“What are you going to say to him?” Deacon asked, trying to be supportive. “I think you should go in with a plan.”
Closing his eyes, he rubbed his face with his hands. He was tired and hadn’t slept after getting off shift once he’d connected the dots that had been there all this time if he’d only thought to look for them. That old saying that if it was a snake it would have bit him was accurate—he’d been completely oblivious to Buck’s struggles. “I think… I need to ask him why he didn’t let Buck come back when he passed his recerts and the docs cleared him. For anyone else that would have been enough.”
“He might not tell you,” Deacon warned. “As boss he has to keep some things confidential.”
“Yeah but this is about trust and I think…. I think I need to hear him either give me a reason or that cop out. I need…” Eddie paused, reframing his answer. “I need to know if I was an asshole to my best friend because he didn’t tell us everything.”
Deacon frowned. “Are you trying to shift blame to Bobby?”
“No.” Eddie was firm, squashing that thought immediately. “I think I just need… I need to know if he’s ever going to let Buck come back—really back not this half-present thing,” he clarified with a weak wave of his hand at the water.
“What do you mean?” Deacon’s expression was thoughtful, brows lowered as he tried to suss out what Eddie was trying to say.
“Because Buck is my partner.” It really was that simple and complicated. Eddie hadn’t wanted to look too closely at his relationship with Buck before he’d left him but now it preoccupied his thoughts like nothing else. The word partner was both accurate as well as insufficient to describe everything that Buck was to him. Partner. Best friend. Better half. All of them could be used to describe Buck…but the one he hadn’t dared said aloud was the label that he was becoming more and more sure of.
Soulmate.
Eddie was pretty sure Buck was his soulmate and possibly the love of his life—even if that meant just loving Buck as a friend for the rest of his life if Buck didn’t feel that way. He didn’t know if Buck felt that way too…
Softening his words, Eddie kept trying to explain as he stumbled over his words. “He’s got my back and I’ve got his—or at least we did or do—at least I think we do. I’ve been… talking and texting Buck so I don’t think that… I want to know if we can work back to being that for each other at the 118. If it’s not an option then I need to know it’s not.”
“Would you follow Buck somewhere else?”
The question was seemingly innocuous but it made Eddie pause and think.
Would he follow Buck to Hawaii? The thought of uprooting Chris and starting over yet again was daunting—Abuela and Pepa were both here in LA. Both Christopher and he had made close relationships—Carla, Chris’ school friends, the rest of the 118…so many people.
Would he follow Buck?
He didn’t know the answer. If it had been just him? It would be easy to answer—yes. He’d follow Buck anywhere… but with Chris?
“I don’t know. Maybe. I think that’s a conversation Buck and I would need to have but I think the first thing I need to know is if staying at the 118 is even on the table. If Bobby won’t budge then well I guess that means it’s not an option.”
“I’m still not sure what Bobby’s going to say.”
“I just want the truth—he could have… I feel like he hid the truth about why Buck was suing the department. I’m mad at myself for not ignoring the no talking to Buck directive from the union—I should have ignored it and I don’t think… maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess.”
Eddie was pretty sure that if he had talked to Buck that he wouldn’t have… no he still was having some trouble even before the lawsuit. It’d just been the cherry on top. He couldn’t avoid taking responsibility for his mess up—even if Frank had told him that he shouldn’t make everything his fault… this one was his.
He should have talked to Buck. Should have reached out and used his words that were so damnably hard to find the right ones to say what he needed to say. If talking to Buck was his primary coping mechanism—which according to Frank it was—then he should have sucked up his pride and done it as it was a lot healthier than getting into illegal street fights.
“I hope you find the answers you need then,” Deacon said with a light touch to his shoulder. “When are you going to talk to him?”
Eddie sighed. “Hopefully he’s free. I don’t want to wait.”
“Then good luck. Do you need me to watch Chris?”
“No. I have a session with Frank before pickup time.”
“Okay—but if you need me to watch him just let me know.”
“Thanks,” Eddie managed, clasping his hand around Deacon’s arm. “Thanks for being a friend.”
Deacon’s warm smile was encouraging. “If you ever need you only have to ask.”
“I’m working on that,” Eddie promised.
“Go talk to Bobby and get the answers you need. If you need me after just call.”
“Thanks.”
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Hi! First of all, I just found your blog, and I LOVE it! The theories are honestly so well though out! I really need to ask your opinion on something that I've been yo-yoing myself
I've seen some people say that David going to be the antagonist. Yeah, he was acting pretty antagonistic in the first trial (granted everyone was pointing fingers at Teruko), but something about him still trying to mask his suspicions with a 'nice facade' was lowkey irritating to see. Plus, Teruko is a protagonist, but isolated herself from the rest of the group, being pessimistic and cynical. David (at least his facade) is a direct foil to that, being optimistic and wanting the best for everyone. It also raises lots of suspicion that David was the one that wrote the note to Xander to kill Teruko, since Xander trusted him off the bat. I feel like it will come back at a later point in the story, and for that, David would (most likely) need to live for the shock of the reveal
Along with all these factors, my own theory is that David is also the mastermind. It just.......seem obvious. He's already established to be two-faced, he was grilling Teruko during the trial, even when other people were swayed that she was innocent, and his alibi for the first trial just seems......off to me? Like......he was in the laundry room for a really long time. And, if that was true, Min should've saw him. Of course, she didn't outright say "Oh, he was there/not there" but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth
David seems way too interesting of a character to die so early. And even if he does, there is still a possibility that isn't the full end of learning more about him. I also seen theories of a 'protag switch' with him and Teruko (he does have an ahoge), but I'm still not sure what will happen with his character at this point. They carved out so many direction David's character can go, but there really is no 'set in stone' theory I can make of it
Hmmm... I have a lot of thoughts on this and I'm trying to articulate them, but I'm not sure how I should do it and I also keep getting distracted by some new feature tumblr added that is unhelpful and distracting as per company standard. I also revised this draft like 5 times (and by revised I mean completely deleted and rewrote)
First and foremost, a lot of what I'm gonna say is probably gonna come across as harsh or dismissive and this not in any way related to you OP, but I'm honestly just kinda tired of hearing about David from the rest of the fandom. I actually do like him as a character, I just think he's mischaracterized by a majority of the fandom as a worse person than he likely is. Maybe I'm gonna eat my words in the future, but those are my thoughts for now.
That being said, he's not gonna be the rival. Full stop. I keep my mind open on a lot of things but I'm honestly pretty insistent on this one. I personally think David's behavior in the first trial has everything to do with his relationship with Xander as well and nothing to do with anything else. I feel like the thing people miss with both of them-- especially with one being regarded by fandom as noble and heroic but tragically forced to kill and the other as a shady, bullshitting master manipulator-- is that they both idolized each other for an ideal they each betrayed. Xander saw David as someone worth admiring for his ability to inspire and rouse others into action as a result of his talent and David saw Xander as someone worth admiring for his authenticity and compassion for others. However, David doesn't seem like he can practice what he preaches and Xander obviously went against his morals, but David didn't want to believe it. He wanted to think Xander wasn't someone like him who couldn't live up to the standards he preached, but he ultimately didn't die a hero, he died a murderer (and a failed one at that). That's why he defended him so hard in the trial. He's not so much fake and two faced in my mind as he is someone who wants to believe that things will turn out for the better with just a good attitude and some elbow grease but is struggling against a world where that's not always the case. He was staunchly in denial about who Xander was as much as Xander was willing to ignore anything anybody else had to say on David. Even before it was revealed he had a family history of depression, a lot of the ways he was described as well as his generally low, exhausted energy when he's not putting on a front stood out to me and I definitely factored a possible mental health condition into a lot of my thoughts on him right from the get go.
That being said, I did find the laundry room thing suspicious. Idk. It just seems weird to me that something like that would get brought up and then just dropped when the rest of the trial was pretty thorough. It could be a nod to a certain events in one of the canon games, but beyond that, I don't suspect David as the mastermind any more than anyone else. There just isn't enough for me to go off of as of now and when it comes to big judgements like these, I tend to just stick to waiting and seeing.
Honestly, at the end of the day, David just isn't a character I have a lot of thoughts on. I feel like fandom has really picked up a specific idea of what David is and most of my thoughts are in disagreement. Is he a two-faced liar? I guess, but I would be too if my job was selling people lies motivational speaking. Was he unjust in hounding Teruko in the first trial? A little, but if he really believed Xander was as good of a person as he thought he was, why wouldn't he? What motive would Xander have to kill in his mind? I think the only thing here I really agree on is that he's going to live for a bit (imo, at least up to chapter 3 if not longer) to better explore the depths of his character. I do have some other thoughts, but nothing I can expand upon or really cohesively tie together with what I've said so far, so I think I'm gonna just leave it at this.
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Since The Mad Witch is still stalled because, you know, busy, here’s the first 600 words of the Chapter 33 rough draft. Those that have been following my WIP Wednesday posts will recognize the second half of this, so here’s the context leading up to it. Enjoy.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought. Or, at least, Tonks assured me I hadn’t made things any worse for the war effort than they already were. Probably.
She agreed to speak with Dumbledore about what I’d overheard from the Snydes—about a potential attack on the castle and the map that was in the hands of the Death Eaters, plus whatever Celandine’s “when the boy fails” comment meant. She didn’t expect him to be surprised about any of it. Dumbledore had been anticipating an attack for a while now, something he had told all of us himself. And if Merula was truly his agent, she had likely already informed him of any recent developments. Nothing had changed. After all, Tonks reminded me, just because they had a map of the castle’s protections didn’t mean they knew how to get past those protections. They would need a lot more to get past Dumbledore, and Dumbledore was the greatest wizard alive.
None of which made me feel any better. I had still messed up, and I had messed up badly. I had trespassed in Merula’s home, I had gone through her belongings, I had handed over one of her secrets to her parents (assuming it even had been a secret), and I had stolen from her. I had betrayed her trust, and she had betrayed mine.
I had immediately hidden the blood behind an illusionary panel at the back of the desk, where I kept my emergency getaway bag. I didn’t want to look at it, but I could still feel it, its warmth lingering on my palm, my guilt branded on my skin.
Later that evening, long after Tonks had left on patrol, Penny found me curled up in a ball beneath a blanket on my bed. She didn’t say anything at first, simply climbed onto the bed to lie next to me, offering no more than a warm presence. It was all I needed to break.
“She lied to me,” I said, my voice cracking. I hadn’t meant to say it, and it sounded pitiful. The voice of some poor, heartbroken child.
Penny tucked my hair behind my ear. Softly, she said, “I know.”
“I crossed a line. It’s a bad line.”
“I know.” She kept stroking my hair, brushing the shorter strands of my fringe away from my face every time they escaped from behind my ear. “You know you have to tell her.”
“She’ll never forgive me.”
“That’s not true.”
“She’ll still be furious.”
“Maybe. But you’re long overdue for a conversation. There aren’t really any options left.”
I closed my eyes, because she was right and it was terrifying. “I don’t want to lose her,” I whispered.
“That’ll be up to her, once you take that step. It takes two, and if you’re the only one that’s been reaching…” She trailed off. I rolled over to bury my face in my pillow. “Hey, you. Come here.” Sitting up, she pulled me upright so she could slip her arms beneath mine in a hug. I rested my chin on her shoulder, feeling even more like a child. “Do you remember what you told me about Conall?” she asked.
I hummed noncommittally over her shoulder. She pushed me back so I was forced to see the determination in her sapphire eyes.
“If she breaks your heart…” she began with a smile.
“Oh, God.”
“…I’ll grab Tonks, and we’ll go knock some sense into her. Isn’t that right?” I leaned forward to press my forehead to her shoulder with a mortified laugh. Loving, yet mortified. She rubbed my back. “Whatever happens, I’ll be here for you. All right?”
“Thanks, Pen.”
“You’d do the same for me. You always have.”
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Prompt: Chim blabbing the secret about Daniel to Stanley Bomber Dude just did not sit well with me and also reminded me that Chim blabbed to Eddie about the whole Abby situation when Eddie first arrived at the station and we had that infamous gym scene. I would just love to see a fic where Buck confronts Chim about his loose lips because that seriously wasn't cool and he had no right to do that. Buck distances himself from Chim and Maddie and Albert is on Buck's side. Make Chim work. Buddie
This has been in my draft for a long time but I finally finished it and it is long overdue.
This is sort of a Sequel to Best Visitors, Worst Visitors Pt 1 & Pt 2. (but can sort of still stand on its own. it just fits well with that fic)
word count: 3k+
Don't share secrets with strangers
Chimney had done his best just to stay out of Buck’s way. He was fine letting Buck have the time he might need. The main issue is it was affecting all aspects of his life. Albert had told him that Buck barely spent any time in the apartment, and when he did, he barely spoke. Any calls from any of them rang until they went to voicemail. All texts were left on read. Buck wasn’t his usual happy self, and that never bode well for the team. Bobby relented and let Chimney return after a few days, but things were far from resolved. Hen ended up taking the brunt of Chimney’s frustration.
“What did you expect to happen?” Hen looked at Chimney.
“I don’t know, not this,” Chimney admitted.
“You’re telling me that if you planned on getting that guy out of there, that you expected some guy with zero personal connection to Buck would have any reason not to say anything? I mean, the guy was literally going to blow up a building for revenge. What about that guy screamed, ‘hey, you can trust me with my friend’s life-altering secrets’, Chim?”
“I had to tell someone. It was driving me insane,” Chimney told her.
“I’m sorry, Chim, but you and I both know that was a want, not a need. You wanted someone to tell you that you were right. Someone you wouldn’t have to face personal consequences for telling.” Hen closed the door of the ambulance they were doing inventory on. “And let’s face it. You chose poorly.”
“Oh, come on,” Chimney said.
Hen glared at him. “No, you come on. You have no idea how much damage you did, do you? Remember when Eddie was just starting on the team? During that whole calendar mess. You remember when Eddie mentioned Abby and how he knew Buck had been dumped? You remember how pissed Buck was that you had told him. And that was before you and Maddie were a thing. Sure, he got over that quickly because he and Eddie are now inseparable. But that was Eddie. This, this so much worse.” Hen shook her head and headed toward the loft.
“If you’re going to hit me, just hit me,” Chimney said to Eddie. Eddie had been glaring at him since Buck had left to take a phone call.
“Not going to hit you,” Eddie stated.
“Then why are you staring at me like you are?” Chim asked.
“Seriously,” Eddie shook his head. “Have you stopped to think that you could have just told him?”
“And how would that have gone, Eddie? ‘Hey, Buck, you know how your parents are terrible parents, turns out it’s because you had a brother, and he died. Oh, and your sister has been helping keep this from you your whole life.' Yeah, Maddie would have loved that.”
“How is what is happening now preferable to that? Correction, how is this preferable to anyone but you?” Eddie asked. “I’m serious, Chim, who benefited from you telling Stanley anything? You could have literally talked about anything, like taking rebar to the brain, but no, you chose to tell him a secret that wasn’t yours to tell in the first place. You unburdened yourself while at the same time kick-starting all this.” Eddie gestured wildly.
“That...I didn’t mean to-” Chimney started.
“No, you didn’t. And that is why we,” Eddie gestured between himself and Chimney. “Have a problem. You remember how pissed we all were after that deposition with that shitty lawyer, right? You remember how much it hurt having that guy know things about us we never wanted anyone outside these doors to know. Things we told Buck in confidence. Yeah, that was a lawyer, a really shitty one that is supposed to be bound by attorney/client privilege. You yourself were pissed. But we didn’t stay mad at Buck because we all know that asshole lawyer was the one to blame there. Buck was too trusting, and that jackass took advantage of him. Now, look at what you did again.” Eddie challenged him. “Remember that feeling, and now think about how much more it would have hurt if Buck had told him something about you that even you didn’t know and everyone was keeping hidden from you.” Eddie pushed up from the chair he was in. “Chew on that for a while.”
Eddie caught Buck as he came up the stairs and steered him towards the kitchen, away from where Eddie left Chimney to think about his own choices.
“Maybe I should have taken a few more days off,” Chimney said as he leaned against the counter as Bobby cooked.
“Do you really think that would have changed much?” Bobby asked.
“I don’t know, maybe. Buck won't look at me unless absolutely necessary on a call, which doesn’t happen because Eddie and Hen are constantly running interference. They’ve both lit into me about how I can’t be trusted, and I mean, I get that. I screwed up.”
Bobby sighed. “Everyone thinks Buck’s the one that we need to worry about. That he’s reckless and too trusting. And he is, but the thing about Buck is that the risks he takes are for someone else’s benefit. You guys compare him to a puppy because he is. He needs people to like him. He needs to help people. Not to be the hero, like some people might think, but because he needs people to be okay. He needs to know he did everything in his power to better someone’s life. Do you know why I told you to come back to work?”
“Why?”
“Because as upset as Buck is with you and his family, he didn’t want you to use all your days off up, just in case something happens with the baby. He didn’t want you to lose too many work hours because things happen. So, for now, maybe let the others continue to run interference because we all know this won't last. Buck’s been on the receiving end of the team's silent treatment. He just needs time to process. I can’t guarantee things will go back to normal, but this won't be forever.”
Chimney spent the rest of the shift really thinking about what they had told him. He shouldn’t be surprised to know that Buck was still looking out for him, even when he was mad at him. Chim thought about how things had gone down after the lawsuit. He tries to figure out how to fix things.
“How’d it go?” Maddie asked when Chimney got home after his shift.
“Well, no one punched me in the face, so better than I expected, but I’m starting to think that would be preferable.”
“What do you mean?” Maddie asked.
“I’m starting to understand how Buck felt after that lawsuit,” Chim said as he dropped down onto the couch. “No, it’s exactly like that. Eddie made that painfully clear.”
“How? How are they possibly the same?” Maddie couldn’t believe Eddie was being that difficult. He just kept making things worse.
“Well...because I screwed up more than you think,” Chim admitted.
“What does that mean? What are you talking about?” She asked. With a sigh, Chimney broke down and told her about what had happened with Stanley the bomber.
“And Buck put two and two together that the reason Stanley had wanted to talk to him was that he knew. I tried to apologize and explain that I was stressing out and it was a mistake.”
“A mistake?! Howie!” Maddie shouted at him. “Grabbing mismatched socks is a mistake. Using salt instead of sugar is a mistake. This is a disaster! You told a criminal about my parents, and I were keeping my dead brother a secret, knowing full well Buck was right outside! His name in bold letters on his back! You used his name! Their names!”
“I know,” Chim held his hands up to try and placate her. “I know I messed this up.”
“Howie!”
“I’m doing my best, okay,” he tried to keep his calm.
“Buck must be so upset,” Maddie said, burying her face in her hands.
“The team is looking after him, and I’m trying to stay out of his way.”
“You could have talked to anyone,” Maddie said.
“I love you, Maddie, but you know that isn’t true.”
“What?” Maddie stared at him.
“You refused to talk about it. My brother literally ran away from me when I tried to talk to him, and the team essentially told me to keep it to myself.”
“Are you blaming us for this? Blaming me?” Maddie glared at him.
“What? No, I mean, you didn’t make it exactly easy, but that’s not even entirely on you. That is your parents doing. They wanted to keep him in the dark.”
“If you needed to talk to someone, you should have gone to a professional,” Maddie stated.
“I know, but I honestly didn’t think this would happen this way.”
“You can’t just tell random people family secrets, Howie.” Maddie shook her head.
“And I won't ever again,” Chim assured her.
“Good, because we have to be able to trust each other.”
“I know, and I’ll figure out how to fix things.”
Chimney set the big box from a nearby bakery on the counter at the start of their next shift. Earning a raised brow from Hen as she approached.
“Trying to bribe Buck’s sweet tooth?” She asked as she looked over the pastries.
“I guess it’s more of a thank you for putting up with me,” Chim shrugged.
“Oh, finally learning self-awareness, are we?” Hen smirked.
“Something like that,” Chim stated. “It was this or a ‘sorry I’m a jackass’ cake, and that just seemed too formal.”
Neither of the paramedics were surprised when Buck and Eddie walked into the loft at the same time. Eddie had taken the self-appointed task of keeping Chimney as far from Buck as he could very seriously. So as much as Chim would like to talk to them, he knew better. He was trying to make things right, not make them worse. Getting into an argument with an overprotective Eddie Diaz wouldn’t help anyone. So Chim headed down to make sure the rig was ready to go for the shirt.
“What’s all this?” Eddie asked Hen as he looked over the sweet treats. He shook his head but grinned as he saw Buck grabbing the fluffiest-looking muffin in the box.
“I’m not sure I should tell you. You might reject it out of spite,” Hen smirked.
“Chim brought them?” Buck asked.
“Said it was a ‘thank you for putting up with him’ treat,” Hen answered.
Eddie snorted but grabbed a pastry out of the box. "Gonna take a lot more than this, right?" He looked over at Buck. Buck just looked at the muffin. Eddie sighed. "Fine, it's a start."
"It's a start," Hen said when she joined Chimney as he washed the ambulance as something to do.
"What?" He asks.
"Eddie said the baked goods were a start, although that was only after he said it would take a lot more than that, but when Buck didn't immediately agree with him, he relented that much at least. And they both took something, so it wasn't a rejection."
"But Buck didn't say anything?"
"Just asked if you brought them in, and I told them you did."
"But he didn't seem mad about it?"
"Eddie was miffed. Buck looked…unsure, but again, he didn't immediately put the muffin back. He accepted it was from you and enjoyed his treat. So you're not on the wrong track. Just don't push too hard."
"I won't, I sort of have a plan."
"That's better than nothing, I guess."
Chimney went into Bobby's office.
"How can I let Buck know that I appreciate him still wanting to work with me even if he is still mad? That I do appreciate his thought process."
Bobby thought about it for a minute or two.
"Well, you can pick up some of the chores he usually does or just leave him a note. Make it clear you are giving him whatever space he needs.
"I do have one suggestion…"
on their next weekend shift Eddie and Buck smile as Christopher and Abuela enter the station.
"What's the occasion?" Eddie asks as he hugs his Abuela. Christopher laughs as Buck picks him up off the ground in a bear hug.
"Your friend Howard thought it would be a nice surprise, said the team was having lunch and we were invited."
Both Buck and Eddie exchanged a look. Chimney wasn't even there today.
"That was nice of him," Buck says.
They all head up to the loft, and Eddie goes over to Bobby.
"Did you know about this?" Eddie asks.
"I did, and food should be delivered in a few minutes."
"He did all this to get Buck to be less mad?"
"He did this because he wanted Buck to know that he appreciates all that he has done for him. That he knows Buck is the reason Chimney was allowed to come back to work and not burn all his time off. He knows Buck is hurting and is trying to give him space, but he wants him to know that Chim knows he screwed up. So it is an apology, or part of one, and a thank you."
"And he's using my family for that?" Eddie isn't sure how he feels about that.
"That was my suggestion," Bobby admits. "We all know Buck adores Christopher, and I may have suggested that he finds a way to help Buck have more time with the people he loves. And with how things are with his sister right now, I didn't think it was a good idea to push that quite yet."
"And Christopher is the only other person."
"Well, Athena is on her way with Harry if that makes you feel any better. May had plans. He said Karen and Denny said they couldn't make it but send their love."
"So it was a team thing," Eddie reasons. He does feel a bit better knowing that.
"He is trying to make amends, Eddie. And he knows that giving us more time with our families makes everyone happy."
"Family started the problem. Maybe family can fix it." Eddie looks over to where Buck is happily listening to Christopher talk his ear off. Abuela is talking with Hen and Albert. Eddie will admit that everyone seemed happy.
"Well, it worked," Eddie admits. "Because so far, everyone seems happier."
"I'm glad."
Athena and Harry join them as the pizzas and sides that had been delivered were brought up to the loft.
"Perfect timing," Buck grins when he hugs Athena. "Go grab a slice with Christopher." Buck grins at Harry. Harry looks up at his mom.
"Go on," Athena tells her son. "Have fun." Athena watches her son go join Christopher. Eddie hands him a plate with a smile as he helps his own son get his plate filled. Athena looks back to Buck. "How are you?" She asks him.
"I'm okay, it's been tough, but I'm okay."
"You're allowed to feel whatever you feel, Buck."
"I just don't understand why they wouldn't tell me," Buck admits.
Athena squeezes his arm. "As a parent, it blows my mind that they thought that was a good idea. But what is done is done. All we can do is try to pick up the pieces and move forward."
"That's true," Buck nods.
"No matter what happens, you still have us, Buckaroo." Athena grins. "And apparently pizza."
"Yeah," Buck chuckles. "We have lots of that."
Bobby snaps a picture of everyone enjoying themselves and sends it to Chimney.
Bobby: Told you it would work.
Chim: glad they like it.
Bobby: Eddie asked why and I told him the truth
Chim: mad?
Bobby: no said it worked
Chim: Buck?
Bobby: not sure but he is happy so that's something
Chim: thanks
"What's that?" Maddie asks when she sees Chim looking at a picture on his phone. And he tells her.
"How much did you spend?" Maddie asks first.
"Not as much as I could have. Albert and Bobby helped."
"So you planned a team meal and didn't invite yourself?" Maddie was a bit confused.
"I didn't do it for me, Maddie. I did it for Buck. Because he has had a tough time, and seeing Christopher makes him happy. Spending time with Athena and Harry makes him happy. It makes Bobby happy and Eddie happy too. So if this is what I have to do to prove that I just want my friends, my team, to be happy, then yeah, I'll do it. And maybe next time they'll be happy if we join them."
"You did this all for my brother," Maddie smiles.
"Yes, because he needed something to cheer him up, and I know it hurts you that you can't be there for him this time. But Bobby made a really good point when he suggested part of this. He said this won't be forever. Buck learned through the lawsuit debacle what it was like to be an outsider on a team, in a family. And I know Bobby's right. Buck might need time to process everything, but he still loves you, and he lost so much time with you already because of Doug. This won't be forever. It's just for now."
Maddie wipes tears from her eyes and nods. He was right.
The next shift they have together, Buck is waiting by the locker room when Chimney gets there. Chim looks around and is surprised not to see Eddie.
"I wanted to talk to you," Buck says.
"Okay," Chim goes into the locker room and opens his locker. "I've wanted to talk to you too."
"I know."
"Buck, I am so sorry. I know I made a huge mistake. I hurt you. I upset Maddie-"
"Is she okay?" Buck immediately asks, concern for his sister clear in his tone.
"Yeah, Buck. She just misses you, but she knows this isn't something she should push you on. We know you need time."
"Am I really that difficult to talk to?" Buck asks, his features now guarded and his arms crossed over his chest.
"No, of course not. You're like the easiest person to talk to. You usually do most of the talking."
Buck scoffed.
"Okay, that sounded more endearing in my head," Chim backpedals. "It's just how was I supposed to tell you something like that and not hurt you, Buck?"
"It would have hurt a hell of a lot less than this. I trusted you as my friend. As my teammate, even before Maddie came to LA. We were friends."
"I still am your friend, or at least I want to be. I know I can't fix this overnight. I kept something from you, and then I did the worst possible thing to try and make myself feel better."
"Secrets have done nothing but mess this team up. I thought I wasn't the only one that learned that lesson-"
"You weren't, and Eddie made sure I remembered it."
"Eddie has been trying to get me through this. He has helped me talk through it. Made sure I talked to Dr. Copeland. You know, talking to your friends, and an actual therapist does wonders." A bitter edge was clear in his tone. "Hell, even he has a therapist Chim, that's saying something."
"I know, and you're right. In the future, I'll do that."
"Good, because you can't be doing that stuff when you're a dad."
"I know. It won't happen again."
"Good."
"You know Maddie misses you, right? She hates how this all went down, and she's worried about you."
"I'll call her soon," Buck says.
"No more big secrets, okay?"
"Right, no bad ones, no promises that surprise parties and stuff won't ever happen, but I can't think of anything bad. I'm sorry, Buck."
"I know," Buck says. "But you’re still on your own with Eddie, so have fun with that."
Chim sighed. He felt better knowing Buck was not mad at him or at least giving him the cold shoulder. He could work with this. He could live with this. He took his phone out and sent a text to Maddie that he and Buck talked. She was glad to hear it was getting better. He also told her Buck said he would call her soon. She was so happy she cried. She loves her little brother more than almost anything. She cried even harder when she got a text later that day.
Evan: I still love you.
Evan: hate the situation not you
Mads: love you too
Mads: and Im sorry I should have told you
Evan: you were a kid so thats on mom n dad
Mads: I know but still
Evan: no more secrets
Mads: I promise
Evan: pinky promise?
Mads: pinky promise
His last message is a series of emojis that makes her laugh. She figured that was probably his goal. The rest of her day seems much easier now with that weight off her shoulders.
#prompt fill#911 fic#buckley siblings#Maddie Buckley#howard chimney han#chimney han#hen wilson#henrietta hen wilson#bobby nash#evan buckley#evan buck buckley#eddie diaz#best visitors worst visitors fic#tw: angst#tw: anger#tw: manipulation#tw: gaslighting#tw: parental neglect#tw: bad parents#tw: mentions of violence#tw: bribery#tw: language#tw: cussing
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A distraction you say? Here you go :D
🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it? - for jamie
🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying? - for bree
🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion? - for will
🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people? - for laramie
💡 LIGHTBULB - is your oc a planner? do they write down every small detail or just wing it? - for ash
📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact. - for ivy
From this ask game.
The Prince of Thieves
🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it? - for jamie
OMG let's give Jamie a birthday! 💜
As I was opening up this draft, the month of September came to mind. For some reason, Jamie totally feels like an autumn baby. 🍂 We shall give him the birthday of September 8. This would make him a Virgo, if you are into astrology. (I'm not, but I did google which sign a September bday would be and it was shockingly accurate.)
Does he like celebrating? I doubt it. I'm certain he appreciates when the inner circle nudges him into celebrating, but he doesn't like to make a big deal of it.
🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying? - for bree
LOL Bree lies all the time. Did this start in childhood, as she found ways to avoid setting off her dad's temper? Absolutely. Was she essentially lying through her engagement? In a way, maybe unconsciously at first but knowingly by the end. Will she lie to save herself or someone she cares about (you know, if there was someone she cared about)? Totally.
She's gotten pretty good at maintaining a poker face over the years, but watch for fidgety fingers. If she's picking at her nails or cuticles, even if she's looking you in the eye, she might be lying to your face.
🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion? - for will
So Will isn't exactly sensitive—he can take a lot of ribbing (he does have an older brother, after all). And generally, he's really quite goofy and good-natured. But heaven help you if you're not one of the chosen few who are allowed to tease him.
If you piss him him off, then, yep—instant explosion. And he's probably skipping a few levels of escalation, going from sass and insults straight to tackling. This got him into a lot of trouble when he was younger, especially when he was in school.
He's a little more, um, chill nowadays... Adulthood at least gave him a little more self-awareness of which fights he can win and which ones he cannot.
The Curiosity Collector
(thanks for giving Ash, Laramie, and Ivy some love!)
🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people? - for laramie
Laramie does not want anyone else to see his soft, loving side. That part of him is reserved for Ash and Ash alone. After whatever trauma that I never wrote and didn't think through caused him to run away when he was a kid (which led him to immediately getting almost-killed by witch hunters), he has serious trust issues, and as a lone witch, he needs to seem tough—to be tough. What would everyone think if they knew how deeply he feels things? How he craves a soft touch as much as, if not more than, anyone else?
Also only for Ash to know: he absolutely fucking melts around baby animals in the forest. Like when a mama raccoon and her babies parade by in the forest, omfg. You'd never know he was the same guy who was ready to tear apart those witch hunters before Ash knocked him into the river.
Yeah I made that up on the spot so sue me it's cute
💡 LIGHTBULB - is your oc a planner? do they write down every small detail or just wing it? - for ash
Ash is totally a planner, for better or for worse. It means he usually thinks things through, but it also means he can be hesitant to explore new things.
He's definitely the kind of guy witch who wants to understand everything about an experience before he tries it, and he doesn't really like surprises. When Laramie enters his life again after ten years, it completely upends everything he thought his life would be. And that's good for him, because as we know, he's so much happier when he's spending time with Laramie.
Not that being a planner is at all useful once Douglas Heminworth enters the picture.
📎 PAPERCLIP - a random fact. - for ivy
Poor Ivy. All we learn about her in this story is that she's bossy, grumpy, and protective of her twin. She probably deserved more than my Whumptober brain.
As penance, I have prepared five facts!
She's a good singer! She knows it, too. But you probably won't hear her sing unless she really trusts you.
She's wayyyy stronger and a much better fighter than Ash, though this was kind of already known/canon.
She's a good cook but she hates doing it. She finds it tedious.
If she's safe, warm, and comfortable, Ivy can fall asleep anywhere.
She is not interested in having children, though she's never said that out loud to anyone, not even Ash. She's secretly terrified that it would be really poorly received in the coven.
#ask game#oc ask game#oc emoji asks#oc ivy levin#oc laramie jonas#oc ash levin#oc jamie wardrew#oc will wardrew#oc bree cooper#Jamie Wardrew is too tired for this#Bree Cooper just wants to live her life#Will Wardrew is a snarky little sh*t
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