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heich0e · 11 months

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the wake - miya osamu/f!reader (haikyuu!) part 8 in the bff!osamu series word count: 2.5k tags: angst, childhood friends to pining, every miya fic i write is just a thinly veiled love letter to the miya brotherhood and that is very clear here, angst gets worse before it gets better so be nice to me, ps: u ever heard the song vienna by billy joel?

The longest that you have ever gone without speaking to the Miya twins was thirteen calendar days—a single day shy of a fortnight—when the three of you were eleven years old.

It all happened because you’d invited the twins over to see the brand new lava lamp you’d gotten for your birthday—the one you had been longing for relentlessly, and talked about incessantly in the lead-up to your big day—and, well, one thing led to another (as it often has the tendency to do when Osamu and Atsumu are involved) and the beloved lamp had ended up shattered across your bedroom floor only a few hours after you’d torn it from its pretty purple wrapping paper.

Neither of the boys had been willing to take responsibility at the time, each pointing an identically vehement finger of blame towards the other, and they both refused to offer you anything remotely close to an apology—lest that somehow imply an admission of culpability.

Your mother had sent them home after a stern, disappointed talking to and a call to their own mother (which she then echoed in a far less civilized tone when they returned home to her) and then they didn’t hear from you for almost two full weeks. It felt like an eternity back then, when life was small and days were long and just a couple of hours felt like a lifetime. You refused to come to your door when the two of them showed up knocking, didn’t answer any phone calls or instant messages they sent, and outrightly ignored them at school each day—hiding in classrooms on breaks between classes or behind the backs of other girls to avoid the increasingly desperate attempts of the twins to get your attention.

And so, on the two week anniversary of The Incident, the twins showed up at your door one last time—sheepish but earnestly remorseful—with a new lava lamp in tow. Thus the silent treatment was ended, reconciliation was struck, and there has scarcely been a day that passed since then where you had not been in some form of contact with the twins.

Osamu hasn’t heard from you in 6 weeks.

After the night of Atsumu’s party, he’d waited with bated breath to hear from you. His phone was on, sound at full blast and never too far from his reach. He knew it wasn’t really his place to reach out first. Knew you probably needed time to process things. To forgive him.

That first night he’d barely slept a wink, staring up at the ceiling of his living room, sprawled across the couch the two of you should have been sleeping on together, regretting every single moment of his life that had led him to this misery. He had texted you a simple: Let me know when you’re home safe please. It was a message he’d sent you countless times before, but never with so much urgency—but it went unanswered. It didn’t surprise him, even if it hurt. Even if it only added to the twist of anxiety turning his stomach into knots. More time passed. Seconds bleeding into minutes that turned into hours, each more agonizing than the last. He thought about calling you. Texting you again. Pulling on a jacket and chasing after you like he should have when you walked away from him hours prior. But he didn’t.

Osamu texted Atsumu first thing the next morning, with bags under his eyes and exhaustion in the marrow of his bones, asking if you’d made it back to the party safely. He’d wanted to reach out sooner—he’d had an entire sleepless night to think about nothing else, after all—but he’d waited for the sake of saving face with his twin.

When Atsumu finally woke up and saw his message, replying back with a frightening ??? didn’t she leave with u?, Osamu’s worst fears were realized.

After hearing from his brother, Osamu immediately texted your roommate—a girl you’d gone to college with, who might even have been considered your best friend had the twins not beaten her to the punch by about two decades. She and Osamu had always been on good terms, seeing each other semi-regularly over the years by virtue of their shared connection to you. You’d even once implied she had a little crush on him after Osamu had met her for the first time, though he had (for obvious reasons) never acted on the information. He felt no hesitation reaching out to her about whether or not you’d made it home the night before.

Yes.

Her icy reply came through almost immediately—even though it was early in the morning, even though he rarely ever texted her. The message was just three letters and a full stop, but it told him everything he needed to know: you were safe, and she knew what he’d done.

Osamu knew that the very least that he could give you in this situation was space, and he really did try, but he only made it two days of silence before he was reaching out to you again. His text had gone unanswered on that horrible, sleepless night where he had ruined everything, so after two days he finally tried to call.

It went right to voicemail.

His subsequent texts (and eventually calls) over the following days were similarly ignored, and every day that passed without hearing from you felt worse than the last.

Atsumu’s concern took root the day following his party, thanks to his brother's early morning text, and it only continued to grow. You were ignoring him too, the reason for which he had not the faintest idea, and the blonde inundated his twin for details as to what exactly had happened when the two of you had left his apartment that night.

But Osamu couldn’t tell him.

He couldn’t.

So he started avoiding his brother's calls and texts, too.

Osamu’s feelings for you were the only thing he’d ever, ever kept from his twin in all of their shared lifetime. And look where it had gotten him.

But eventually—inevitably—Osamu finally broke.

It was to be expected, really. He was hardly eating, scarcely sleeping, and any hours not spent robotically going through motions of keeping his business running were spent holed up in his little apartment. The apartment that now somehow reminded him far too much of you—like you had inked yourself as indelibly into the walls as you had the paint that you helped him apply when he'd first moved in.

Osamu showed up at his brother’s place at 11 o’clock on an otherwise completely unremarkable Wednesday night, still in his Onigiri Miya uniform, and as soon as Atsumu opened the door he burst—violently, spectacularly—into tears before he could even manage a greeting.

It must have been shocking, frightening even, for Atsumu to see his twin in that state. For him to have to help his brother’s crumpled frame across the threshold, over the step in the genkan, and to the couch in his living room—supporting the entirety of his weight to keep him upright. Atsumu had shown up a hundred times at Osamu’s door in not dissimilar states of heartbreak, but that was the first time he’d ever seen his twin—largely credited as the level-headed, rational one between them—like this. He’d always thought Osamu was just stronger than he was when it came to heartbreak; his relationships fizzling out with relatively little fanfare, and no substantial distress, and his exes sort of just faded into the background like they’d never even been there at all.

Atsumu never realized it was because his brother’s heart had never been theirs to break in the first place.

Osamu came clean that night in his brother’s apartment. Confessed to the sins he’d kept locked away in the recesses of his chest for so long, more fully and unequivocally than he had ever voiced the long-held secrets to anyone. And Atsumu listened. He didn’t tease him for his tears. Or berate him for keeping his feelings from him. Or yell at him for harming you and jeopardizing the friendship that the three of you had spent so much of your lives building.

He just hugged him. Comforted him. Cried with him. Because that was what his brother needed from him more than anything else.

When Osamu calmed slightly, many hours later, Atsumu quietly admitted that he’d suspected there may have been feelings that his brother was harbouring but he’d never really known for sure. I figured ya’d tell me when you were ready. Those were the simple words he’d offered, with a little shrug and a gentle, wobbly smile. And it was the first time in all his life that Osamu realized that his brother had far more tact than he’d ever given him credit for.

Atsumu reached out to you again that night, though his messages to you for the past week had gone unanswered like his brother’s. He put his message simply. He told you that he knew what had happened. That he wanted to talk. That you were his best friend and he needed to see you.

The twins were laying side by side in Atsumu’s bed, neither asleep nor fully awake, when your reply came through.

I need some time, Tsumu.

The brothers shared a look across the mattress of Atsumu’s bed in the dim light of his bedroom, their eyes sore for crying and the harsh glare of the cellphone’s light.

They yielded.

A few day later, you finally reached out again, and agreed to meet Atsumu for dinner.

Just Atsumu.

The evening that Osamu knew the two of you were meeting without him, he was a mess. He burned half the food he tried to prepare at the restaurant, got a nasty cut on his finger when he was chopping carelessly, and almost charged a customer 250,000 yen for their 250 yen purchase. When the restaurant finally closed, he slumped over the counter with his head in his hands and waited.

Atsumu showed up not long after.

“It was weird," his brother confessed, fiddling with an edamame pod but never moving to bring it to his lips—curled down slightly as the corner as he spoke. "But I can’t go between the two of ya like this, and she can’t see me without thinking of you."

“She hates me,” Osamu rasped, a familiar, suffocating tightness swelling in his chest that had made a home there over the past two weeks.

“She’s just upset,” Atsumu tried to console him, but Osamu could hear the wisp of frustration creeping into his twin’s tone. It wasn’t Atsumu’s fault—Osamu knew how hard this entire situation must have been for him, all as a result of the circumstances for which only he could bear the burden of blame. You’re Atsumu’s closest friend too, as much a part of the elder Miya twin’s life as you are the younger's, and Osamu didn’t take that fact for granted. Atsumu shut his eyes, sighing. “I think she’s confused, Samu. Hell, I’m confused and we shared a womb.”

Osamu’s eyes began to burn with a familiar, unpleasant prickle. He didn’t cry much about it anymore, now two weeks on, like he’d somehow run the well dry. But he’d occasionally get phantom pains behind his eyes, like the precursor to tears he knew couldn’t come. It was almost worse.

“I know,” the dark-haired twin finally muttered, his head hanging dejectedly.

“We’re gonna figure this shit out, but she’s gotta take some time to get things straight in her head first, alright?” Atsumu said softly, nudging his brother’s hand with his own, lending him encouragement in the warmth of their knuckles meeting. “Just give her that.”

So he did.

Osamu gave you another full month of time.

Of space.

Of absence.

And now he’s here, six weeks to the day since everything went wrong.

Osamu drives home to Hyogo on a whim—the idea of spending another weekend holed up in his apartment, wondering each day if it would finally be the one where you call, is enough to make him feel sick. His apartment has never felt more suffocating than it has in your absence. Never felt smaller than it does without you in it, no matter how contradictory that sounds. It’s been a while since he went home to visit his mother and the boys from high school who stuck around into adulthood, and even though his childhood home is as rife with things that remind him of you as his current one, he can’t help but hope that the change of scenery might do him some good.

The Miya family home hasn’t changed much, if at all, since the twins were kids. As an adult, Osamu takes comfort from this fact—finds stability and familiarity in the walls and windows and roof that endure today in just the same way and in the same shape as they always have. His mother’s car isn’t in the driveway when he pulls in to complete the picture, but he hadn’t told her he was coming so he can’t blame her for not being there to welcome him.

Osamu grabs his hastily packed duffle bag from the passenger’s seat of his truck, walking up the stone pathway his feet have trod upon so many times, in all their different sizes, to the door. He keeps his mother’s house key on his own keyring, because the last thing she’d said to him the day that he’d moved out—her hands, smaller than his own now that he’d grown so big, clasped around his as they held the little silver key—was that no matter what this would always be his home.

The genkan is the same. The coats in the closet are the same. The air smells the same, though there’s the faintest whisper of citrus in it as Osamu closes the front door behind him and toes off his shoes. His mother keeps two pairs of slippers at the door for him and Atsumu when they visit but his are missing for some reason, so he stuffs his feet into his brother’s designated pair before he pads off further into the home.

He can hear the television—the faint hum of a variety show or something similar drifting through the halls—and he laughs to himself that his mother has never quite been able to correct her bad habit of leaving the TV on even when she’s not watching it. He turns the corner into the living room, the sound of the television having grown louder the nearer he got.

And then he freezes.

The duffle bag he’d held loosely in his hand falls gracelessly to the floor.

And even though the television is right there, he can’t hear it anymore.

Because between him and the LCD screen, tucked under the kotatsu with a satsuma poised in hand half-peeled, is a face he hasn’t seen in six long weeks.

There, in the heart of the place that would always be his home, is you.

#osamu miya x reader #miya osamu x reader #osamu x reader #miya osamu #hq drabble #hq writing #writing #bff!osamu #WE'RE BACK BABY

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bandaged-writer · 2 years

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𝗪𝗔𝗬 𝗗𝗢𝗪𝗡 𝗪𝗘 𝗚𝗢 || 𝗗𝗔𝗭𝗔𝗜 𝗢𝗦𝗔𝗠𝗨

pairing. pm boss! dazai x reader

genre. beast au, angst

warnings. major character death, suicide, implied prior suicides

words. 1k

summary. dazai saw the end of the line for the both of you. "until we meet again, belladonna."

note. i'm an absolute sucker for the beast au and all of you have to suffer the consequences

"The only regret I have is that I will never get to read the novel you will write," Dazai sighed into the night sky. Below him, Yokohama's city lights twinkled with life bustling despite the late hour. The stars and the moon shine down upon him when he had fulfilled his purpose in this lifetime; to take Mori's place as the Port Mafia's boss and make sure that Odasaku would take his place in the Detective Agency.

A wistful smile graced his lips as he took a step back into the arms of certain death and for a brief moment, he had found peace in his rise and imminent fall. No longer would he have to play the cards of the antagonist of a story he had written himself, and yet, it had always been that way. The story of his life was haunted by the antagonist that he had painted himself out to be.

Such relief was of short duration as a pair of hands grabbed his wrist. He stopped falling.

"[Name]..?" Disbelief wrapped itself around Dazai's throat like a fine wire.

Tightly, your hands grasped his wrist. Face red and your body hanging over the edge, held by a mere thread, you called out his name in agonizing tones of sorrow and grief. "Dazai! Don't die, again! I'm begging you..," you trailed off. Tears rolled down the apples of your cheeks and dropped onto his face. "This once..live with me."

How cruel this world was that he created. As Dazai had swung the pen, he had calculated the risk of including you in the world in which he wanted nothing more than his dearest friend to live, write his novel and live the life he was once robbed of. Even for you, Dazai had written a fairytale of a life with a lover who could love you like he never could, a job you liked and all the smaller things in life you had always appreciated.

Not even Dazai could've predicted that he was rooted so deeply in your heart that you would overcome the power of the book he had made his own. Against all odds, against all the words he had squeezed into a single page, you had shattered his plan from start to finish. All he wanted was to die without causing trouble for anyone, but even in a different lifetime in which he was the enemy, the boss of the Port Mafia, he caused you nothing but heartache.

Dazai could feel it in your tears that dampened his face.

"Belladonna," he said with a smile upon his lips, "would you please let go?"

"How do you expect me to let go, huh?!," you screamed at the top of your lungs until your voice cracked. Pulling all your might together, you tried your best to pull Dazai back on the rooftop, but physical strength was never your forte. If anything, your feet slid two steps towards the edge whenever you took a step forward.

Huffs of air escaped your lips. "I don't care what world we live in! It won't change my feelings for you, you dumbass! You can't just leave me here! I need you!"

Dazai looked at you with widened eyes. Nothing but pain he caused you and you still declared your love to him like it was the first and last time and judging by the way you were struggling to save his life, it really was the first and last time he'd get to hear you say those words. His feet dangled in the air, his body jolted each time you'd stumble in despair and with fear in your eyes.

What were you so afraid of? Losing him? You should be glad to get rid of a person as twisted as he was.

"If you don't let go, you will die." Dazai saw the tips of your shoes. Silently, he basked in your touch even though it was stricken by fear, anxiety and everything that could cause one's heart to stop. "You don't want to die, do you?"

And then it hit you. You didn't want to die. But you refused to live in a world where Dazai never annoyed you by messing up your hair. A world in which he would never keep you in bed for five more minutes, a world in which he would never give you his favorite book filled with his own thoughts and marked lines that touched him.

"You're right. I don't want to die." The strength in your arms and legs was running thin and was enough for one last pull. You'd let this last tug of war decide your fate; or maybe this was merely wishful thinking, a dot of hope that you'd make it and hit Dazai over the head real good. "But I refuse to let you be the only one who dies tonight!"

Dazai looked at you with wide eyes as you pulled him up towards the edge, lungs out of breath and sweat coating your delicate hands. If you hadn't been so weak from all the prior pulling and tugging, then maybe you could've made it. Yes, Dazai thought you genuinely could've saved him, but you were weak.

And so it happened that Dazai's weight pulled you over the skyscraper's edge with a yelp slipping your lips. But even so, you never let go of his hand even though he could've begged you to do so. Perhaps, he had wanted to see you one last time and die by your side like he always used to say. Perhaps this was the benevolence of fate that bound your lives and death together like a rope.

"I'm sorry," you muttered as the air whipped against your face and pushed your hair out of your face. Dazai pulled you flush to his body, a content smile resting on his lips as he held you impossibly closer and fell towards certain death with you.

You clung to him. "In the afterlife, I vow to find you again.

Dazai saw the end of the line for the both of you. "Until we meet again, Belladonna."

#bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader

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transmascissues · 8 months

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hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

#this ended up much longer than i intended but i have a lot to say about it bc i was in the same place a couple years ago #ask answered #trans men #transmascs #hrt #testosterone

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soursvgar · 1 year

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could i please request mammon with a reader who has extreme anxiety, so at first they just followed him around like a duckling would its mother and always looked to him out of everyone for help with things?

~generally, theyre just obviously most comfortable with him and favor him most because of it; being more expressive and stuff around him while being more on the reserved, shy side with the rest of his brothers. id just imagine him pretending to be annoyed but secretly enjoying the attention lolol!

"It is the fear of the unknown that makes you stick to what's familiar, a sense of home in a foreign place."

Mammon x gn! reader (ft. Leviachan)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Home is a place for your heart to rest at ease, and in the depths of the devildom— it simply could not. It is quite the peculiar opportunity you were given, living among creatures who are different from you, and allegedly, stay protected. Perhaps even too good to be a real opportunity, but who can blame the human for fearing for their life? It is in fact, a constant worry for the fragile, feeble human race. It isn't a surprise that you had latched onto the nearest, closest form of a warm human connection you could've achieved in the short time upon your arrival.

Mammon is not like the others. Maybe it’s his withstanding patience, or maybe it’s the deep, intent gaze he's wearing every time you express even an inkling of fear, focusing on validating your emotions while simultaneously, assuring you of your guaranteed safety. With him by your side, you had almost forgotten of your whereabouts, and the creatures lurking around the corners, possibly just waiting for a moment you're alone. For this reason, letting him venture on his own, away from your vicinity, is something you are too afraid to do.

"Human, I told you to stop following me. It's too annoying, I have things to get to- places to be. I can't have ya on my arm all day like a lost puppy." Mammon mutters, shaking his head as you request to accompany him on his schedules. "Why don't ya go play with Levi or something?" He suggests, regretting it almost instantly when he notices your eyes drooping with dejection. However, this is a teaching moment for him, as he expects the rest of his brothers to protect you as well, and to develop some sort of a connection, or a sense of responsibility, at the very least. And with a heavy heart, he leaves.

You're unsure of what you're supposed to do; should you wait in your room, alone? Or is that a bit too- pathetic? You didn't want to use this word, but that is indeed the way you feel. You look down the dim hallway, wondering if you should take up on Mammon's suggestion. After all, he is in fact trying to help, right? And you should, eventually, step out of your shell, because it could be fun- maybe. Your legs are trembling as they lead you right outside the door of Leviathan's room, shaky fingers curl before they make contact with the cold, coated material.

"What is it?" The reply is immediate, flustering you as it sounds querulous enough to make you want to back away. Before you do, however, the door swings open, revealing an impatient looking demon- but his expression changes once he figures who's behind the door. "O-Oh, it's you. I thought it was one of my annoying brothers bothering me while I'm testing one of my new games." Say something, come on. You try to urge yourself, but the sounds just barely come out. "U-Um..." You stutter, hoping Levi doesn't shut the door in your face for taking too long to form a sentence.

"Do you... want to come in?" He offers, widening the gap between the door and it's frame as he gestures for you to enter. You thank him quietly and settle inside, the blue tint giving the room a strangely relaxing aura. "You like it? The colors?" Levi questions shyly, noticing your gaze being fixated on the decor.

It's a slightly awkward encounter to say the least, but if you already had to pick a brother to interact with while forcing yourself out of a crippling social anxiety, Levi is most likely a safe beginner's level choice as he's probably just as sheepish as you, if not more. Moreover, as soon as you start engaging with his hobbies, he does a big chunk of the talking, helping you ease into the situation and making you more comfortable around him by the minute. Perhaps Mammon knew what he was saying.

Time passes rather quickly. Engrossed in the flashing images on the screen, neither you or Levi pay attention when the door creaks open; at least not until an audible sigh is heaved, tearing your eyes away from the game the two of you bickered about. "You really are here..." Mammon breathes in relief. Was he... worried about you? No, it can't be, can it? "Not like I care! Or anything..." He quickly adds. "But I figured I'd find you in your room... waiting." Lowering his tone in the last word, he avoids your eyes.

"I was playing games with Levi!" You approach Mammon, full of glee. He offers a content smile and instinctively reaches to ruffle your hair before retracting his hand back, cheeks tinted at his sudden gesture. "Excuse me? It wasn't just games, it was THE game. Exuberant story telling with a cutthroat plot projected in the latest high definition graphics aspects, the animation is so good it feels like the characters are trying to murder us in real life!!" Leviathan intervenes, thankfully cutting through your blundering interaction with Mammon.

Later that night, Mammon finds yet another silly excuse in order to be let inside your room; sprawled on your bed, he watches as you prepare your backpack for the next day. "Did you have fun with Levi?" He blurts out, causing you to avert your gaze back to him and nod in agreement. "But not too much fun, right?" He raises an eyebrow, seating up from his previous position. "What are you talking about?" You chuckle, accompanying him on the bed as you take a seat next to him.

"Ya know I only rejected you so that you can be closer with the rest of my brothers, right? You need to be bustin' it with other demons here so that ya'll can have fun even when I'm not around. But... I mean, you can't get too comfy with them, ya feel? You're still my human, even if its burdensome to take care of ya-" He pauses, waiting for a reaction from you, but only to be met with silence on your part. "Okay... it's actually not that burdensome- or at all. I like havin' you around and I wouldn't mind if you were hangin' with me all day- but I'm doing this for you! You should show all these peeps what you got, y'know?" Mammon gently tugs on your sheets as he speaks, purposely looking away from you. He twitches at the abrupt sensation of your weight on his shoulder, glancing back at you to realize you are laying your head on him. "I know, you were looking out for me."

He grins, encircling his arm around you to pull you closer. "I'll always look out for you, human."

#im sorry it took so long!#i hope you like it ;v;#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me scenarios #obey me mc #obey me mammon #obey me headcanons #omswd

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corujalesbica · 1 year

Text

Why would you wear black to a wedding

A wenclair story!

Chapter 2 ➡️

Enid was absolutely and utterly fucked. Screwed. Really, at her worse moment. She looked out the window, her eyes glaring the falling rain. If she managed to pack her things fast enough, she thought, maybe she could run away when the rain ceased. Live in the mountains, away from everyone and everything. With only mother nature and sadness as her company. Forever forced to hide and...

"Tá la la lã" Her buzzing phone got her out of her family issues induced anxiety spiral. It was on her bed, the screen shinning in bright blue in the dark room.

Yoko, my beautiful bestie

Yo you guys wanna come over and watch a movie or smt

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss

Depends. I refuse to watch any more of enids sad ass homo rom coms

Upon reading that, Enid threw herself in her old bed, reaching for her phone.

You

Hey!!! My rom coms aren't sad!

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss

Yes they are. If I have to watch 1 more scene with kissing people in the rain Ill throw myself off a cliff.

Yoko, my beautiful bestie

It's fine babes, we can watch a horror movie.

How could Yoko betray her like that ? Where was the friends before partners unspoken rule ?

You

I AM NOT watching a freaking horror movie. I'll have nightmares for weeks!!!

Yoko, my beautiful bestie

We can watch the Fear street trilogy. It has gays in it and shit.

You

You're just taking Biancas side because she's ur gf that is soooooo unfair

Yoko , my beautiful bestie

No, I'm taking her side cause u made us watch crush with you 7 times and I liked it at first but now my experience is ruined because I know all the freaking lines

You

........

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss

Enid ?

You

OKAY THEN we'll watch fear street or whatvs

Enid sighted, letting go off her phone. It was nice to be back home, thought third wheeling wasn't exactly her favorite thing to do. She looked around, and some of her old plushies looked back. Being in San Francisco felt... Different, this time. Maybe it was because of her brothers wedding this summer. And just maybe, it was because she herself was a bit different.

One way or the other, she was happy to get a break from college, to be back from Colorado. Her room there was boring as fuck, with its gray walls and metal desk. This, was much better. Someone knocked on the door, and Enid suddenly remembered why her gray room in Colorado felt as freeing as it was ugly. Her mom stepped in without waiting for permission.

" Enid. Dear"

" Yes, mom ?" The girl reluctantly looked her mother's way, shifting position so they were facing each other.

" When will we met your lovely - totally real - partner ? It must be before your brothers and Daysis wedding. You know, dearest, a werewolf needs a partner! Someone to take care of you in full moon nights, and someone to protect when you're- "

" -when I'm old and alone and hated by humans. I know mom. I told you already, youll met her soon enought! She can't get here before Dave's wedding, she has finals... "

"Well, she must find a way! I will not settle for meeting such a person only at the wedding! And if you're lying to me Enid, you will regret it" she step closer, her browns furrowed, her mouth downward in an expression Enid knew all too well. She shrieked on instintic. "You have three days to bring her here or else you're dumping her and going to the ceremony with Samantha Diologious daughter, Celine. And that's final."

The older woman left then, and Enid held her breath until she couldn't hear her mother's steps anymore.

You see, Enid needed a partner for her brothers Dave, wedding, and her love life wasn't exactly going well. Her last girlfriend dumped her after cheating, and broke her delicate heart in a million pieces. Since then she had gone on multiple dates with her mothers warnings in mind, but none of them wanted to go to a strangers wedding nor did they want to see her again after she asked.

She had even got as desperate as to ask Yoko to pretend a break up with Bianca and be her fake date but her girlfriend wasn't the fondest of that idea. With a sight Enid asked herself how the actual fuck she would get a date willing to go with her to the ceremony in three days. Because there was no way she was going with Celine Diologious. Celine was a self centered, cruel person who would always kiss Enid against her will when her mother forced her to go on dates with the girl. Enid protests and complains about harassment were useless, which of course had nothing to deal with the fact that the Diologious were rich, and prestigious among the werewolf community.

Maybe some miracle would happen and Enid would end up with a beautiful, nice girl in her arms just in time to not have to expose her lies to her mother, who had almost made her phone stop working with all the messages she sent before Enid invented this fake girl. Maybe everything would work out.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

It was late at night, Bianca and Yoko asleep beside her, while Enid scrolled mindlessly through her Instagram. The movie wasn't as bad as she thought was gonna be, though she was sure that had more to do with the fact that she gat gotten used to the blood and the gore being a werewolf than with it not being scary.

She yawned, Yoko had a spare mattress in her room for nights like this, and at some point, she would have to wake up the cuddling girls beside her. The girl decided to get some water so she could take her medicine and be ready to sleep before waking her friends up. Yokos house was huge, but she was used to it. Her parents were probably out, always bloodthirsty vampires in the night. She respected that, thought it was easier dealing with Yoko, who got along with humans better for being a vegetarian.

There were piles and piles of books scattered around the house, when he wasn't sucking blood, her friends dad was a book worm. Even in the kitchen, books and notebooks full of Yokos moms notes filled the shelves you would usually see food in. As she filled a glass of water, Enid saw something shine in silver in the corner of her eye.

She kneeled beside it, a book with a black and silver cover thrown carelessly on the floor. She opened it, curiosity getting the best of her, and was met with words that started whispering to her, floating around her head and calling her name. The phrases told stories old and magical, and Enid lost track of time as she flipped through the pages. Countless spells were explained throughly, and she stopped as she found one that got her attention.

For the old and new, the sweet and bitter

To do the ritual, you have to be witter

Call the curse holder in desperate help

And in your aid, the witch will come

Enid had a terrible idea.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You see, Yokos parents weren't really gonna miss the book. They had thousands of them, including dozens and dozens of witchcraft books, just like this one. She would return it in a few days anyways, but her brothers wadding was a day and a half away, and she was far beyond desperate.

The circle she drew in her rooms floor was adorned by lit candles and black roses. In the center, all kinds of offerings Enid could think of rested in a bowl, from candy bars to dead mouses (ew), because she had no idea what the witch would like, and the book wasn't all that specific on the ritual.

Finally, she sat on the floor and closed her eyes. Usually, Enid had a hard time remembering the information she read, but for some reason, the words for the spell were stuck in her head, repeating over and over again. She said the verses out loud three times as the clock struck midnight, too late for anyone in the house to hear her. The canddles went out, leaving her in complete darkness. For a whole minute, Enid breathed hard in slight disappointment but sweet relief, thinking the ritual didn't work. But as opened her eyes a dark figure stood in front of her.

The person wore all black and irradiated a cruel energy. Two dark eyes stared at her from the very center of her circle, looking like they were able to see into her very soul. She got up, her legs shaking, turned her phones flashlight up and before her...

Before her stood a petite girl with black hair. She had a braid resting in each of her shoulders and a notebook in her hands. Her face was delicate, beautiful sharp angles, and an expression that berayed no emotion. Enid calmed down then, not quite knowing where to start her request for the witch.

" Hum... I... I mean-"

"You have summoned me." The girls before her said. " I will therefore fulfill your wishes of revenge and blood"

"I don't want-"

"However," the girl interrupted her. "You must give me something in exchange for my services. What are you willing to give up on for this, Ms ?

"Sinclair. Enid Sinclair."

"Wednesday Addams"

They looked at each other, both a bit astonished.

"I gathered some stuff for you," Enid gestured awkwardly to her offerings. The girl looked her dead in the eyes and, without so much as blinking, caught a chocolate bar with gum flavored filling between the tip of her fingers. With the most disgust Enid had ever seen anyone show for anything, Wednesday put the candy bar in front of her face. " This ?"

"Yeah ?" The werewolf paused, not knowing what to do. "There's also some dead mouses if you'd like". The Addams girl sighed in exasperation, and rolled her eyes.

"I have been holding the family's curse for three years now, since turning eighteen. And not once in those 1095 days has such a moron summoned me. What do you want, disgustingly pink girl ?"

Enid wanted to be offended, she really did. She was whoever, wearing her most neon pajamas in that moment, pink panthers silly face painted with glitter in her shirt. Also, she was really, really desperate and not at all, wanting to have to deal with her mom.

"Look" she says, sitting down, too tired to care what the witch would think of her "I need a date for my brother's wedding. It is crucial I bring someone, and I was kinda hoping whoever I summoned could help me find a person my age to go with me. But, oh well, to my very surprise you are the one I summoned and also a person my age so maybe you could go with me? Do you want some of my blood in exchange for it ? Or maybe teeth ? I've heard if you mix dust made from a werewolf's teeth with fairy hair you can grow plants faster or something…" She shut up then, a finger on her tin and the knowledge she had been talking for way too long doing lops inside her head. Her eyelids were heavy, she just wanted to go to sleep.

"You want… A date ?" The Wednesday girl looked more than disgusted now, almost like she would prefer to wear Enid's pink panther pj's. She furrowed her brows, in an expression Enid thought she wouldn't be able to decipher even if she was fairly awake.

"Okay." The witch said. "I'll be your date to the wedding. This relationship is purely professional, however. And I have several ground rules. And I'll need you to-"

Before she could finish it, Enid had gotten up, wide eyed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" She smiled, a weight she hadn't know she'd been caring suddenly lifted from her shoulders. "Oh my God, can I hug you ? Would that be OK? It's alright if it's not, but really, thank you!"

"You may not hug me" The girl took a step back "And I'll only attend the wedding on the condition you come with me to the Addams family reunion in two months. I need a partner for the blood ritual."

"Of course! Is that your only condition ?"

Wednesday took a second to think to herself. "Yes" she said carefully. "Do we have a deal ?" She extended her hand, and Enid shook it, delicate but strong fingers with black nails meeting her rough ones. " Yes we, do , Ms Addams" she said cheerfully.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

This was supposed to be a one shot...

I'll link chapter 2 when it's up

#lgbtq #sapphic #lesbian #wenclair #enid x wednesday #wednesday 2022 #wedclair #wednesday the series #enid is a lesbian #enid and wednesday #enid wednesday #enid sinclair #wednesday fanfic

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darabeatha · 1 month

Text

/ Random assortment of updates

Not really related to anything but,, yesterday it was oficially my first day back at uni after like, 2 -3ish years since I took a turn away from graphic design, and I dunno, I just wanted to type this because it's,,, pretty exciting to me. I'm not sure what will be of the future in the sense that I don't know if I'll stay here studying or I'll leave (since life is full of surprises), but I can at least safely say that for now, for the present me, I'm happy and grateful about being able to experience this; about taking the courage of trying something that I feel a deep passion for and that I always sort of sighed from the distance yearning that perhaps in a different life, in some alternative universe, I would have dared to try, even if just to know how it would have been like; its something that touches a lot of my other interests as well as my main one (which is art); and that is -drum rolls- ..... history !! yes! I can say I am now officially studying history! (last month it was the entrance exams and stuff) I'm happy too because the first topics we are going to see now are things I'm very interested in which is archeology (I initially wanted to study archeology but it's not available where I live, though with time, I think that history is actually more fitting for me at least for now !) and prehistory which since little I've been fascinated over, so its exciting!!! I'm very looking forward to it!!

it's a bit scary, I won't lie, I tend to panic and worry so much for the future constantly; it can sometimes really hold u back especially if you are a perfectionist, even when u think ur crafting the most magnificent bulletproof plan for the future, things can turn so differently! but I want to focus on the positives it's bringing me now,,for this time, I can allow myself to focus on the present; not to mention that soon I will be holding my first expo selling my art which is also something I've daydreamed for so so long, and pulling my first cosplay! which younger me gatekept me from doing out of a very silly fear of shame, so a lot of things I have been wanting to try are coming after a long time of panicking and worrying, and I'm very excited about that! naturally, anxiety pops here and there sometimes, but I think I really needed to take steps forward, I've been feeling stuck in a hole for a long while, not knowing what direction to take and clinging to the comfort of daydreaming, so I think that even if I'm meant to bump head first against a very big wall, I can at least say I will be glad I tried, I know for sure that is something I will not regret

Long story short; feeling very grateful and thankful!

#;ooc #ooc #this is a lil bit personal and im not sure if i'll keep it up or end up deleting it but!#i wanted to get it out of my chest for a little while #nothing negative btw! just some reflection and stuff; thinking back about stuff #feeling very grateful and thankful yes!!#with how complicated things are in the world; i think that this is a blessing #UMMM to not make it so odd; i'll bring in my blog and say that #perhaps on the long run i might fail even more in getting replies out so there is that oetiuerotur WHO KNOWS;#maybe i'll get back home so tired i'll be like #-posts about c.onstantine looking pretty and collapses-#WHO KNOWS TRULY

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mitsuyaya · 1 year

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Hi can i order mellow carnation + kita + 17 + mami (hush let me live my dreams xD)/love + zack tabudlo nangangamba. Thank u.

Shuta ang creative nyo sa mga events! I'm so jelly! Also this is so exciting! Wishing u all luck for this event!

𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐚 (𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝)

♡ contains: 976 words. friends to lovers, unrequited but not actually, light angst to fluff

♡ summary: With every tug of the rope from the other side, you let yourself fall, you let yourself lose – if it means making Kita happy and unaware of your feelings then you don't regret anything.

♡ end note: I forgot to use the petname 💀 (lmao i just posted this now bcos I'm so lazy)

Avoidance is the better option, for now that is.

Simply turning the other way, diverting your gaze and trying to avoid confrontations with him is just a temporary solution to a problem that will soon be permanent.

Hide and seek was one of the childish games you used to love and play with as a kid — funny, you're using those skills in real life now.

Hiding behind the classroom doors, making yourself tiny and unnoticeable amidst the bustling crowd, dashing to get to the other building in order to avoid him, to avoid your friend.

It's strange those skills you learned were still lacking, that after your years of practice, mastering the art of stealthing – you'll still be found, would still be the ‘sore loser’ in this kind of game.

That after all the barricades you throw yourself into, in the end it's of no use, because with just one call you're weak, with one look at him you'll be easy to give in – when Kita calls out your name, you'll be defeated again.

With his dull brown eyes, drooping with exhaustion, you found yourself being submerged into nothingness once again. Sinking into distress, anxiety and fear once more – a never ending cycle once you look at those eyes.

“Why are you avoiding me y/n? Did I do something wrong?” he starts, sunken eyes still fixated on yours, still staring at your soul.

His palms are soft against your trembling wrist, if he wasn't focused on your face he would've noticed that you're shaking, from fear or from the adrenaline of running – it's unidentifiable.

Tilting your head to the side, mustering the final restraint to keep your facade: “You didn't do anything wrong, I'm just busy these days.”

“You’re lying”

In any other day you hoped that Kita notices your every movement, every little changes, the minor details you do – craved for his attention on you always, to look and notice you only, but now you're begging for him to not be observant, to bury those words just the way it is now and just dig for it some other time.

Seems like that won't be happening.

“Tell me why are you avoiding me, have I made you uncomfortable? Did I do something to offend you? Did I unconsciously—”

“No”

“Then tell me the reason” he pleads, with his hands gripping your wrist, so tight that you could feel your chest tightening yet loose that you could feel him slip away with just one wrong move.

“Please”

Please, tell me so I can understand.

Would risking be the better solution?

Avoidance seems to be out of the choices.

Should you just risk it and let fate play what it wants or should you just run and find a better place to hide, start another game of hide and seek?

Please Y/n, I don't want to lose you like this, I don't want for us to drift away without doing anything.

Conscience really does play a huge part in a human’s nature.

“I-i just thought I can't be your friend anymore, I don't want to be just your friend.”

For a second you contemplate whether to finish it or not, finish the sentence and then what? Ruin your friendship.

Leaving it just like that? Also ruining your friendship.

“I think I like you Kita and I just don't know what to do, so I thought if I avoid you and won't see you again maybe my feelings would be gone… but it didn't”

Aside from hide and seek, this whole thing is like playing tug of war; with you on the other side and Kita on the opposing side.

Putting all of your strength and effort into tugging the rope while he does the same — there's three outcomes: you lose and fall flat, you win but he'll fall, or it'll break and both of you would fall.

At first you find losing to be a better alternative, find him laugh without ever knowing that anxiety cripples your heart and mind, find him smile at you without knowing how much it loses your breath, find him be the man you could never have while you cower in defeat.

Truly it's the lamest option, but what else can you do, what else is there?

Be selfish and win the game but watch him walk away from you? That's much worse.

“It’s fine if you don't feel the same, I wasn't expecting you to–”

“Who told you I don't feel the same way?”

Kita releases your wrist, catches your hands and guides it to his face – that look in his face that you loved resurfaces, glimmering with utmost bliss, corners of his lips reaching his ears, you're afraid his cheeks will fall off.

“I like you too” his sincerity radiates through you, engulfing you in his arms with such gentleness that it felt unrealistic.

“I also felt scared telling you so I didn't say anything but the others told me to confess.” his breathing lulls you, heaving up and down – this still feels like a dream, everything is.

His arm on your waist, the other resting on your cheek, his lips pressed on your crown – time felt unmoving.

“I like you y/n, promise me you won't avoid me again” if everything is a dream, then, would staying be alright?

Would living in this fever dream mean you committed a crime? Then if so, you're willing to be a sinner.

You're more than happy to commit a crime if it meant staying in his warmth.

“I promise.”

The whole thing is still a mess, everything; from the confession, the reciprocation of feelings, the evasion – everything still seems to be lacking, still unclear and yet the silence and warmth is enough for now.

Everything seems to be clear when he's near, maybe for now, this would be a better explanation.

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le-souriant · 1 year

Text

#MusicMonday Review - October 2022

#MusicMonday is the hashtag I've been using for quite a while to share music recommendations from up-and-coming artists. Always fresh, and always different, trying to look for trends before they become one. You can check September's review for more music.

This month's music will take you to a journey to the dark side of matters. Regardless of genres, prepare yourself for a brilliantly apprehensive good time. Let's have a listen, with a word from the artists themselves. 🎧

Teen Angst – Kissless Virgin

There’s a lot I’ve done I’ve lost, drawn and I’ve won But only by myself Never with anyone else

A dirty kind of pure Just waiting at the door I’ve been close for sure But I’ve never been kissed before

Cause I want to feel right For once in my damn life

Yes, Antisocial-pop is a real genre, and this band from Perth, Western Australia, shows us how does it feels like. Doesn’t it feel nice?:

"The phrase Kissless Virgin was used by a friend of mine to describe a Dungeons and Dragons character he was playing, and it immediately stuck in my brain as an interesting title for a song.

I already had the rough idea for the music of the song but the only lyric I had at that point was the refrain “What does it feel like?”. Once I had the new title of ‘Kissless Virgin’ I was inspired to finish the lyrics.

The lyrics explore the theme of feeling a yearning or regret about missing out on life experiences out of fear or anxiety."

Spirits of Leo – Asylum

Ash in hearth, I seek your shelter Storming, rushing, bounding, assailing me Entering my spine and crawling out my palms The spirit is now ascending me Commanding motion

From New York City, NY, get ready for a Shoegaze track as it should be: somber, yet energetic. Don’t fight, nothing ever comes if you won’t believe it:

"The song Asylum is about anxiety, obsessions/compulsions, and intrusive thoughts.

Essentially, the song is about finding safety and shelter from oneself, or specifically, one's inner demons.

It started out as a composite of meanings in relation to feelings of anxiety, but ultimately the song formed as a personification of inner demons."

Desert of Talking Shadows – Empty Hearts

You cannot hide So darling don’t try You wrap yourself around a heartbeat or a pulse, you call that love? I wouldn’t know I’ll love myself one day, but til then, I’ll just let you do it for me Til you run out of it yourself

Switching gears, have a listen to a Rock track from Orange County, CA that takes elements from 70s bluesy attitude to ask the question broken hearts have:

"This song was inspired by a person and a specific experience I had in a past relationship, I don’t like to get into details as it’s best for the listener to interpret it how they like.

The track itself is inspired by Arctic Monkeys “R U Mine?” “Pretty Visitors”, and Royal Blood “How Did We Get So Dark?”"

Machine On A Break – Things That Go Bump

Be afraid, even be angry, but be careful not to hate, because blame is such a dangerous game, and there will never be a change if no one is listening.

From Sydney, Australia, this Alt Metal track combines the anger and frustration from the inequities that exist with the pain of possible inaction:

"I wrote it one night when I was angry after a conversation with someone. They'd been saying it's my responsibility to stay safe from the bad people in the world and I didn't think that was fair. We tell women to cover up and not go out at night by themselves but we should really be teaching people not to be creeps."

Bad Sidekick – Daily Lottery

I'm starting to feel like my life's on a runway and you're all invited

We finish off this month's ride in Bristol, UK for an impressive mix of gritty hooks, relentless beats, and uneasy vocals that will leave you breathless, but asking for more:

"I have an auto immune disorder and wrote the track about my experience with being in physical pain and what that meant for my future life and day to day living :)"

Listen to them and much more on the Playlist

@osornios

#music #MusicMonday #review #october #2022

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garlic-but-gay · 1 year

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idk u at all this is based on inference over one of ur recent posts and might be weird and/or a total misread BUT

If you’ve hurt someone in your past, accept within yourself that you did fuck up but that you have grown since u made whatever mistake it was, and are on a path to being healthier.

If they come to you, be prepared to hear them and to acknowledge the part you had in hurting them. Apologize, if it’s appropriate. If you regret what happened then tell them, and do what you can to assure them that you’ll leave them alone as well.

If you’re concerned abt being cancelled or something just remember that if someone posts abt u, responding directly to anything is generally bad and if ppl want to know they’ll talk to you. Just mind yr truth, mind yr business, mind yr health, and folks’ll move on. And so should u, as much as u can.

even if this is way off from what you’re going thru, or super out of pocket and weird I wish u peace of mind and health of body thru the trials life places in front of u,,

I do appreciate this, and these are in fact things i've really struggled with. I'm at a healthy place with it at the core, i think (accepting what i've done and the effects it's had while understanding why i did and and how little control i actually had over anything and everything, as well as accepting that, honestly, i was barely living any sort of life and was basically a fucking animal [not in the soulless monster kind of way but rather i feel like i did not have any sort of agency over my self or personality or anything and only was responding to the input life kept giving me] at the time) but my fears and anxieties around it still exist and are very real. I need a kind of therapy that i did not have when i was fixing myself because, at the time, i wasnt ready for it, and now i'm at a point where that therapy can (and should) be sought and i'm sorta still struggling to reconcile that within myself. Again, thank you. You've sorta affirmed where i'm at mentally rn.

EDIT: i hope you see this, anon. I'm like, Feeling Stuff after being shown real and like, non-condescending compassion in such a manner. You zeroed in on something i never feel ok saying and you reassured me on it and i'm still tryna process that, mostly through tears. Thank you once again.

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bl00dgutsgl0ry · 3 years

Note

Since your requests are open i shall throw my brain rot at you <3

Slightly mean(bc he is a tease and is having the time of his life bc of the current scene in front of him) Kaeya that watches his virgin s/o try to fit him inside but she fails ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

And finally after some time he agrees to help out.

(uh also if u are accepting anons, may i be the ⚠️ anon?)

Pairing - Kaeya x Fem!Reader

Warnings - Degradation kink, praise kink?, very slight dollification

Word count - 1.7k

Other comments - Dude your Kaeya brainrot is always welcome here I love him. You’re so smart, mean kaeya is next level. And of course everyone welcome ⚠️ anon! Also this one is a little shorter, i just wasnt in the mood to write the build up i just wanted s e x

Your body was hypersensitive with nerves. It was your first time so of course you would be anxious about this whole situation. What wasn’t helping was your boyfriend's relentless teasing. It was aggravating and embarrassing, but part of your body was getting off to it as well; your body getting even more sensitive as time passed.

Right now, you were trying desperately to ride Kaeya, but he was just way too big and you didn’t know what you were doing so nothing was going well on your end. Kaeya on the other hand was having the time of his life watching you struggle.

“God if you hadn’t told me you were a virgin, I’d have never known seeing as how you're whining like a little slut right now cause you can’t ride me.” You shot your boyfriend a glare. God you just wanted to shut him up.

“Watching you struggle like this is quite amusing my dear… Maybe I’ll just sit here and force you to keep trying. You're destined to get it right at some point hm?” You heard him chuckle as you groaned out. There was a feeling that was beginning to bloom deep within you. You couldn’t quite name the feeling but all you knew was that you needed Kaeya’s help and you needed it now.

“Please Kaeya. This is driving me crazy. I need you Kaeya.” There was a needy rasp in your voice that made his only exposed pupil blow wide. There was a low rumble in his chest that only made this feeling intensify. You didn’t know what you had done, but you knew you weren’t going to regret it.

In less than a second there was a punishing grip on your hips, Kaeya’s long slender fingers holding so much strength in the iron grasp he had on you. Effortlessly Kaeya had you hovering over his pulsing cock. You whimpered in anticipation.

“Such a pathetic useless slut, always in need of my assistance. Hold yourself up like this so I can line myself up. You’re competent to be able to do as simple of a task as that right?” You nodded quickly, biting your lower lip instinctively out of mild anxiety. Once again, despite it all, this is still your first time. Your position did not waiver when Kaeya pulled away one of his hands. You could still feel the imprint of where it was on your hip.

“You’re okay right (y/n)? We’ll take this first part slow so as to not hurt you too much. This isn’t going to be amazing at first but just trust me it’ll get better. Then we can get back to having real fun.” The change in Kaeya’s whole tone and demeanor gave you whiplash; a stark contrast to the dark look he held only moments ago when degrading you. Instead he held a warm, almost concerned and genuine look on his face.

You took this moment to really admire him. The way his dark blue hair fell over him, shining in the pale light of your lamps next to the bed. Your breath never ceased to be taken away when you looked at him like this, cherishing the way his tanned skin contrasted the shining pale blue eye he had exposed. You guessed you had been staring at him for a little too long, with the way his expression started leaning more towards concern than anything.

“I always trust you Kaeya, this time is no different than the others.” A gentle smile formed on both of your faces. There were no words for how much you guys trusted each other, having this unexplainable bond. Somehow you both knew more about each other than yourselves.

Kaeya nodded before he nudged the hand that was still on your hip down, signaling for you to start lowering yourself. There was still an unease in the pit of your stomach, but it was much less noticeable now. You jumped slightly when you felt the tip of Kaeya’s dick intrude, causing him to chuckle quietly and begin rubbing comforting circles into your hip. You continued down, wincing as you felt yourself begin the stretch around him. It ached, and Kaeya was right, this certainly did not feel amazing, but you trusted him. After a few more painstakingly long moments of lowering yourself, you were fully seated on his lap. You could feel every pulse and twitch of his cock, and slowly the pain began to fade; leaving a burned need to feel more in its wake.

You squirmed on his lap, not trusting yourself to talk at the moment, in fear of saying or making some abhorrent noise. Kaeya’s punishing grip returned, holding you still on his lap.

“That didn’t take very long. Are you sure this is your first time? You’re really acting like a slut now.” The antagonizing tone returned to Kaeya’s voice, and it was really affecting you now. You desperately needed him to move. You let out a whimper as you futilely tried wiggling around in his grasp. A dark smirk graced his face as he tightened his grip even more.

“What was that my slut? What do you need? How am I possibly to know what you need if you don’t tell me. I’m not a mind reader darling.” You groaned, your face lighting up red with embarrassment with the knowledge that you were indeed going to have to beg this man to move.

“Kaeya…. I need you….to move please. I need to feel you in me. Please Kaeya help me.” You saw that familiar darkening on Kaeya’s face that made you melt, and an ache began deep within you.

“Your wish is my command, my beloved.” Before anything else could be exchanged, Kaeya hoisted you up until only the tip was still inside you then almost dropped you back down. You repeated this motion over and over and you let out loud moans and cries.

“That’s right. You’re my whore. I’m the only one that ever gets to see you this way or make you this way. Let everyone know who you belong to. Who exactly is making you whine like a bitch.” You cried out at a particularly hard and direct thrust into that one special spot that made you see stars.

“Say my name you little whore, say it out loud so we can all know whos fucking you this well.” You cried out once again, your moans being interrupted with the loud gasps of his name on your lips. You chanted his name like a prayer to the Archons above. In this moment, he was your archon, your divine being who you followed with unwavering devotion. What else were you to think when he was bringing you such pleasure.

“That’s it my darling. Even though your only use is being my fucktoy you are such a good one. You just keep sucking me in so well, this feeling is addicting.” You moaned out louder at the words he was throwing at you. Only moments later your legs began getting very tired from the constant up and down. You placed your hands on his toned chest as you began slumping over, not being lifted up quite as easily.

Suddenly you felt yourself being tipped over before Kaeya quickly pulled out, rolled you onto your back and caged you in with his strong arms on either side of your head. Without warning he thrusted himself in again, much easier this time.

“We haven’t even been doing this for very long and you already seemed so fucked out. Of course I shouldn’t be very surprised seeing how pathetic you are.” You could feel tears beginning to fall from your eyes from the pleasure that was wracking through your body. The tears only egged Kaeya on, as his thrusts became even harder. You could sense how sore you were going to be, you might have to stay home tomorrow. Kaeya began to let out strained grunts and groans, gritting his teeth in pleasure. He could feel the way you were squeezing him, and how you were about to fall over the edge any second now. He needed to ruin you.

The tears began to fall faster the closer you got to the end, a huge knot threatening to break in your core. After only two more targeted thrusted your back arched off the bed, smashing into Kaeya’s torso above you as you screamed out his name along with a few other profanities. Your vision flashed white as the feeling of your orgasm crashed over you like unrelenting waves in the sea.

Your cries quieted down as you slumped down onto the bed trembling, tears staining your deep crimson cheeks. Kaeya had grown much louder over those few moments and before long we was shoving his throbbing cock as far as he could get it and cumming. His orgasm took him by storm, nothing ever feeling that incredible before. The noise he made as his body shook above you and his sweaty forehead fell into the crook of your neck only made you tremble more. Before too long Kaeya gently pulled his softening dick out of you and slumped down onto the bed next to you. You were immediately pulled into him as he wrapped his arms tightly around you. This skin to skin contact filled you with the fuzziest feeling in the world as you snuggled as deep as you could into him.

You guys stayed in silence, the only sound being the rhythmic breathing of the two of you. You were both tangled in each other’s bodies before you quietly heard Kaeya mumble a soft ‘I love you’. You smiled and kissed his chest, not having the energy or willpower to speak. Not long after the two of you were lulled into the deepest, most peaceful sleep of your lives.

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagine #genshin impact imagine #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #smut #kaeya #genshin kaeya #genshin impact kaeya #kaeya smut #kaeya imagine #kaeya x reader

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geminitarotmagick · 3 years

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Full Moon Pick a Card Reading, Blackpink Edition

On this rare form of Blue Moon, take a deep breath and choose one of these four piles. Each pile holds various messages that you need to hear at this time. But remember, this is a general reading, so take what resonates and discard whatever does not.

If you would like a personal reading from me, I open mini reading requests every Monday where I will answer your question with five cards. Please only ask one question per ask per week, and make sure to leave a name/nickname/initial by which to call you when leaving your reading request.

But if you'd like something more in depth, or have a more urgent question, I am also currently offering in depth personal readings. More info on how to request an in depth paid reading here.

With that said, choose the pile that calls to you, and find your messages under the cut.

Decks used: Therapets, Way of the Panda Tarot, Light Seers Tarot, Wild Unknown Animal Spirits, Shine From The Inside Oracle, Barbieri Zodiac Oracle, Oracle of the Fairies, The Deck (Custom Made Blackpink Oracle Deck)

PILE ONE:

There's some guilt that you're being called to let go of. There are situations in your past that have caused you to regret how you acted, whether it be that you didn't stand up for yourself or that you hurt someone with things that were said. These situations have been prominent in your mind recently, but it's important to understand the bigger picture here. You're called to reflect on these moments and discover what lesson you were supposed to be learning from those experiences. These things happened so that you could grow, not so that you could be stuck in guilt. Allow yourself to make peace with these situations or people in whatever way that means to you, absorb the lesson, and then release the experience.

You're being called to be kind to yourself, and be patient as life changes and evolves around you. You have strong values, and it's important to stand firm in those while also staying true to yourself and staying grounded. When you're grounded and in tune with yourself, you can move mountains, so it's important for you to really allow yourself to find that center where you can return to when things get hard. It will be much easier for you to do this when you've released the guilt and negativity that is blocking you from achieving this state of mind. Whatever situations cause you stress and anxiety when you think about them, it's time to let go of them.

Now is a good time for you to work towards setting boundaries with the people around you as well. This isn't meant to push people away from you, but it is important to establish to those around you what is ok and not ok, and for you to love yourself enough to set these limits with people. There is insecurities that you have, but remember that most people do in fact want you to let them know when things aren't ok, and the people who care about you will appreciate you doing this. Without these boundaries in place, you're kept in a place of stagnation that doesn't allow you to grow, so please realize how integral setting these boundaries really is to your growth and wellbeing.

The fear of change is normal, but it won't prevent things from shifting, so learning to embrace it is key. This stems from that patience with yourself, but it also comes from allowing yourself to live in the now and let go of the anxiety about what "could be". It's important to be honest with yourself about what is holding you back and holding you in patterns that aren't serving you. This is a great time to start working on building your self confidence and self love, but this can only be achieved after you take a hard look at yourself and honestly assess what things are helping you and what things are hindering you.

One thing that will really help you to grow with this is to celebrate your own victories. No matter how small or large they are, progress is progress, and you deserve to feel accomplished for evolving and making positive changes. Also be open to the signs around you that you're on the right track. Sometimes these signs will be big. Sometimes they'll be subtle. But know that they're always there, and they're always ready to encourage you and cheer you on.

Focus your energy on breaking free of these things holding you back, and making tough decisions. To do this, you might need to step out of your comfort zone by taking risks and doing things you consider scary, but it'll pay off. It's also important to focus on understanding not only yourself, but others, and to not let harsh emotions like anger cloud your judgment.

Lastly, your Therapets card (top middle) is provided as a source of encouragement for you. The truth is, you're far more capable than you feel.

Cards Pulled: Reverse Four of Cups, Reverse Strength, Fire, Air, Celebration, Nature's Signs, Elk, Reverse Death, Reverse Queen of Wands, Hope Not, Tune Into Your Inner Peace, "The truth is, you're far more capable than you feel."

PILE TWO:

You're being called to evaluate the situations you're in and the people you're surrounding yourself with, and to walk away from the people and situations that are no longer serving you. You have so much worth that you don't even realize because these things are weighing you down and blocking you from even realizing it. It might hurt at the moment to remove yourself from these things and people, but there are so many better things on the horizon for you, so long as you clear your energy to allow it to flow to you.

You've allowed yourself to be swayed by others opinions of you, and in doing so have allowed your own desires to be ignored. It's time for you to take your power back, and focus again on what it is that you want out of your life. It's also important to surround yourself with positive friends, and people who will encourage you following your dreams and doing things that make you happy. Take the time to focus on yourself and your own self care, and remember that it doesn't make you selfish to think about yourself. With these new friends, make sure to balance between giving to them and not burning yourself out so that this can be a more positive experience for both of you, and commit to keeping it that way.

This is a wonderful time to break out of the auto pilot mode you've put yourself into, and to put an end to that cycle. To put an end to that though, you need to be able to deal with past traumas you've been through in your life and make peace with them. This won't be easy to do, but it's necessary work to be able to move forward positively. You'll see so many blessings coming into your life when you choose to do the inner work and choose joy in the future. Make sure to have gratitude for all the things that come your way as well, as showing gratitude will make way for more positivity to continue to flow in. Let go of the past, allow yourself to trust the people in your present, set your boundaries, and allow all of that to bring to you situations that are more positive and divine.

There might even be desires of yours that you've kept hidden for so long that you don't even remember that you wanted it. Allow yourself to tap back into these desires that have remained hidden, and know that you can achieve them if you truly set your mind to it. You might not be perfect at it on the first try, but that's ok. As long as you go into it with an open mind and pure intentions, things will work out for your highest good. and work out the way they're supposed to. This is a great time for you to set goals and think about the things you want to accomplish, and allow your emotions to guide you towards setting goals that align with your dreams. Also allow yourself to listen to your intuition and that inner voice in your head. If you're drawn towards something, and it won't cause you any harm, then go for it.

Lastly, your Therapets card (top middle) is provided as a source of encouragement for you. You're not going to succeed at everything you do, and that's okay.

Cards pulled: Reverse Knight of Pentacles, Ten of Swords, Saturn, Moon, Lost and Found, Pure Intentions, Starfish, Nine of Cups, Reverse Nine of Wands, See U Later, Commit to Self Care Rituals, "You're not going to succeed at everything you try, and that's okay."

PILE THREE:

It's so important for you to remember that you don't need to have everything figured out all the time. Life isn't as serious as you're making it out to be right now, and you're just causing yourself unnecessary stress. Allow yourself to actually live life, not just worry about life. Your past is holding you down right now. It's important for you to do some inner child work so that you can rise from the ashes of your past and move forward. This is a great time to let go of the baggage that's weighing you down, and let yourself move forward feeling lighter.

It's time for you to let go of these burdens, and allow yourself to rest and relax. This is a time for deep healing, if you allow yourself to do the work and feel the feelings. Doing that will help you to get realigned with yourself and find the emotional release that you've been needing.

You're confined to your comfort zone right now, but growth exists outside of it. So push yourself to try new things, have new experiences and think new thoughts. It's okay to start small, but remember you can't grow if you stay in the same place, so keep moving forward and keep pushing yourself.

You might be called to help others during this time as well, and you might find healing though helping others to find their healing. It'll help you to find your own self worth and remember just how special you are as well. You're not paying attention to your inner voice right now, and it's time to listen to it and think about what it is that you want, and allow your intuition to guide you.

Be receptive to the world around you, and allow it to inspire you to heal. There is hope on the horizon for you. You just need to allow it to find its way to you. Find the bright side of your situation, and hold onto that glimmer of light, and allow it to grow into a bigger and bigger light. You have the ability to change a negative situation into a positive one if you hold onto the light.

Allow yourself to feel the joy that feels most authentic to you. It's important to focus on what feels most authentic to yourself, but be patient with yourself as you do this. Keep the hope and the faith that you will find yourself, even if it takes more time than you'd initially like for it to.

Lastly, your Therapets card (top middle) is provided as a source of encouragement for you. You are going to get through this just fine.

Cards pulled: The Star, Eight of Cups, Jupiter, Sagittarius, Inspiration, Hope, Phoenix, Four of Pentacles, Reverse High Priestess, Forever Young, Step Out of Your Comfort Zone and Try Something New, "You are going to get through this just fine."

PILE FOUR:

This is a very successful time for you, so remember to celebrate your wins. It doesn't matter how big or small they are. Allow yourself to revel in the feelings of success or satisfaction, because acknowledging those feelings will allow more of it to flow to you.

You might be finding yourself at a crossroads in life, and you might be trying to rationalize which path you should take. Drown out all the noise, and allow your intuition to guide you. If you really take the time to stop and listen, you'll find that you know what choice you should make already. Don't judge yourself for being unsure tho, and don't judge yourself for wanting to make a decision that others might not consider to be the "right" one. Those people are not you. You have to do what's right for you, and show yourself love and patience for having the courage to make that choice. Others opinions of what you choose to do does not matter.

You're a very caring person, and you wear your heart on your sleeve sometimes, and there's no shame in that. Allow that to be a strength and not a weakness, and let that propel you into manifesting the things you desire. You're moving towards even more success, so don't doubt yourself.

This is a time for creativity for you, so allow those ideas to flow through you and to you. You'll be opened up to new paths and new relationships with this, so allow the abundance to flow to you, and allow yourself to take this path with empathy, both towards yourself and towards the people who come into your life. Don't allow yourself to get overwhelmed and get cold. Your heart is your greatest asset. Allow it to stay open, despite what might happen.

Use nature to help you find your center during this time, and use it as a way to find peace when things get stressful. There's a lot of positive change coming to your life. Don't fear it. Embrace it, and embrace all of your wonderful manifestations. But if you find yourself feeling out of balance, allow yourself to take a walk or take a break in nature to help yourself get grounded again.

This is a great time to work on what you consider your own personal freedom. Big change is coming to you, and you're allowed to change as a person as well. Allow your self confidence to build as these changes come your way, and assess what things feel right to you as things shift. Once again, it's important to be patient with yourself, but it's also important to remember that you do have control of some things. Issues surrounding your personal identity and how you express yourself might come up during this time, so allow yourself to work through that and to give yourself the time you need to find what's right for you and to heal what isn't.

Lastly, your Therapets card (top middle) is provided as a source of encouragement for you. You're not going to succeed at everything you do, and that's okay.

Cards pulled: Knight of Cups, Eight of Wands, Sun, Uranus, Manifestation, Go Outside, Tarantula, The Empress, Ace of Cups, How You Like That, Stop Judging and Start Loving, "You need to give yourself time to heal, no matter how long that ends up being."

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briarlovesginny · 2 years

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some doctor who quotes 4 u: (no particular order)

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” (11th Doctor, Vincent and the Doctor)

“You know the thing you need the most? A hand to hold.” (10th Doctor, Fear Her)

“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all: grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.” (Elton Pope, Love and Monsters)

“Everything’s got to end sometime. Otherwise, nothing would ever get started.” (11th Doctor, A Christmas Carol)

“One day I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.” (1st Doctor, The Dalek Invasion of Earth)

“Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit — without hope, without witness, without reward. Virtue is only virtue in extremis.” (12th Doctor, Extremis?)

“Everything ends, and it’s always sad, but everything begins again, too. And that’s always happy. Be happy.” (12th Doctor, The Return of Doctor Mysterio)

“I looked into your eyes and I saw my worst fears. Weariness. Emptiness.” (12th Doctor, The Woman Who Lived)

“We’re all capable of the most incredible change. We can evolve while still staying true to who we are. We can honor who we’ve been and choose who we want to be next. Now’s your chance! How about it?” (13th Doctor, The Woman Who Fell to Earth)

“Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind.” (12th Doctor, Twice Upon a Time)

“There’s always something to look at if you open your eyes.” (5th Doctor, Kinda)

“Some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80. It’s not the time that matters. It’s the person.” (10th Doctor, The Lazarus Experiment)

“The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it’s a world, or a relationship… Everything has its time. And everything ends.” (Sarah Jane Smith, School Reunion)

“You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, and you meet them and think, not bad, they're okay. And then you get to know them, and their face just sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.” (Amy Pond, The Girl Who Waited)

“There is room in the song for you.” (Ood Sigma, Planet of the Ood).

“I’ll be fine in the end. Hopefully.” (13th Doctor, The Woman Who Fell to Earth)

BONUS: TORCHWOOD

“If life always turned out the way we expected, what would be the point of living?” (Jack Harkness, Something Borrowed)

#doctor who #dw #doctor who quotes #torchwood #torchwood quotes

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chilly-me-softly · 3 years

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Are u going to do a part 3 to the chilly fic its so good <3

Part 1 - Part 2

"I did something stupid" you announce as soon as Mason opens the door to his house, walking in and heading for the living room as if you were at your house.

"You? When have you ever done that in your life" the boy rolls his eyes sarcastically as you glare at him. "This is no time for jokes Mason"

"Okay come here" he claps a hand on the couch after sitting down, inviting you to sit next to him so you don't go back and forth, "What happened"

"Do you promise not to judge?"

"Hmm no but I'm listening" he retorts immediately and a groan escapes your lips as you lower your head and start to doubt at that very moment that that is the right thing to do. But if you don't tell someone, if you don't open up to him, you're gonna go crazy. So you take a deep breath and do your best not to look at him.

"Do you remember how Ben helped me that day? Well I wanted to thank him so I brought him a cake"

"Okay" Mason states looking suddenly curious as to where this is going.

"I just- I used a big plate hoping he might bring it back. But he didn't! Ugh why am I so stupid" it takes him a few seconds to realize the meaning of your words, his body straightening up at the revelation while yours almost wants to get swallowed up by the couch in embarrassment.

"You like Ben? Since when?" but still, his tone isn't judgmental, if anything curious and shocked.

"Mase"

"What? You guys are always fighti- oh"

"What oh" you look at your friend lost as he seems to be lost somewhere in his memory before returning to look at you turning slightly towards you.

"Of course! How the fuck did I miss that" he murmurs, "you acted the same way with Tim Reese when we were sixteen"

"Okay first how do you still remember Tim and second what are you talking about?!" you ask somewhat shocked as he smiles mischievously ready to strike. Oh you knew it wasn't a good idea.

"You were always nervous when it came to him and then when he got close to you you became this impassable fortress of coldness and sarcasm. The poor guy had to sweat to even get a kiss"

"That's not true" you try to defend yourself in vain.

"I might be a little offended you know, you didn't even have a little crush on me"

"Please, you're like my brother ew" you wince as he laughs shaking his head.

"So that's how it is today, it all ends over a plate?"

"It was an excuse Mase" you roll your eyes, "if he wanted to see me again he'd know how to hook me up" in short you had even sent each other a few messages, just to test the waters not knowing how far you could go at the time. But your relationship had never been just about the two of you and there was always that fear of ruining that little step forward lurking.

"Maybe who knows, he needs some kind of push too. Ben isn't the cocky guy he wants to appear after all"

"You know something I don't Mase" you look at him inspectively, him raising an eyebrow. "I won't say anything about him if I can't do otherwise"

"No mh-mh forget it" you shake your head firmly, Mason could talk to you about Ben all he wanted no one would know and you still knew how to handle a rejection by acting like nothing happened. But Ben knowing about your feelings and not returning them... no thanks, you didn't need any more embarrassment in your life to deal with.

"Well then you'll never know what he thinks of you"

"What's he even supposed to think, that I'm a crazy person who always has a say in everything and out of pity helped when I was sick" you shrug as he smiles knowingly, he's never going to tell you how worried his friend seemed in the days following your illness or how he was trying to find out something under the radar. Not if he can't tell him that he might find the door open if he wants to join your world. But as sure as hell he would have done something.

You correct yourself. That's the moment you know it wasn't a good idea to tell Mase.

He had asked you a couple of times if you were going to watch the game that saturday, he always did that when there were tough games because he said you were his good luck charm even though it wasn't true and most of the time they won or lost regardless of your presence. However, you had already cleared your whole schedule for that day and so he had extended the invitation to a drink after the game.

Nobody had lost, nobody had won. There was regret for a few wasted chances, but nothing that couldn't spur them on to do better the next game. You'd driven to the stadium in your car, not wanting to wait for Mason after the last time he'd made you wait over an hour outside, having him tell you where he wanted to go after the game and waiting for him there.

The place isn't that crowded and you can occupy a table further away, ordering something while you wait and taking the book out of your bag while resuming your reading.

"Hi" a voice makes you shift your gaze from those pages and you're bewildered to see Ben take a seat in front of you.

"Hi Ben"

"Mase said he'd meet us in a bit, he had something to do" the boy shrugs, "but I'm certainly not going to wait for him to order"

"Go ahead, I've already helped myself" you place the bookmark on the page you are on then put it in your bag and before you can let your eyes rest on Ben again, your phone alerts you to the arrival of a new message.

As soon as you see that it's Mason you get a bad feeling, and as soon as you open your conversation you see that he has sent you a picture of a diner where he is with some of the other guys. And it's definitely not the one you and his teammate are in.

"Son of a bitch"

"What?" Ben's voice makes you raise your head in alarm, suddenly you feel nervous and you want to strangle your friend and you want to bury yourself because what are you gonna do now. All while he looks at you expectantly.

"Um eh I- that wasn't meant for you" you murmur pathetically sighing and handing him your phone, "Mason's not coming"

"I don't understand" Ben looks at that picture with furrowed brows, but you can't read his expression.

"Look I'm sorry he set you up for this really. Um we can go and pretend like nothing happened" you stammer trying to pick up your bag and jacket deliberately trying not to look him in the eye and you try to get up but he stops you.

"Woah hey wait, wait. I'm not letting you go anywhere so upset" he is quick to grab the chair and move closer to you, if he wanted to calm you down he certainly isn't succeeding like this.

"Easy now, just try to explain what's going on please"

"Ben really it's not- it's just Mason okay? I just need to beat him up and then I'll be better" a soft laugh escapes his lips and you find yourself huffing but giggling at the same time.

"Nothing wrong with that. Just answer one of my questions first?" you nod losing focus for a moment as one of his thumbs starts stroking the back of your hand.

"He tried to set us up"

"Is that a question?" you ask struggling to swallow, your voice coming out weak and shaky. What's going on?

He shakes his head slightly, "Do you like me? That's my question" and if before it was difficult to find air now it seems like everything has closed for good. There you go, is that how you're going to die? In front of Ben of all people, and still before you can get revenge on Mason for that low blow?

"Cause Mason probably knows I fancy you-"

"You what?" you croak.

"-but he wouldn't have done that if he didn't know something else" his cheeks are slightly red, so he's feeling all that sudden heat too then!

"Ben I..."

"It's okay, it's okay. Look we're in the same boat here, if anything I'm a lot more exposed than you are at the moment because I've revealed to you how I feel and you haven't really let me know that I haven't really fucked up"

"No!" instinctively you lean forward and you don't know why you actually did it, but the sound of your foreheads colliding together resonates loudly. "Ouch I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh my god are you okay?" geez you feel so stupid, embarrassed like a teenager struggling with her first crush and as clumsy as you've ever been... or don't like to remember.

"I've taken worse balls" he tries to lighten the situation but your now worried look doesn't seem to want to give way to anything else as you gently test his forehead.

"What do you say we get out of here? Maybe somewhere less crowded?"

"Yes please" you find yourself nodding and after paying quickly exit the building, Ben firmly takes your hand guiding you to the opposite side of your cars.

Neither of you speak on the way, you're lost in your head trying to calm yourself down to get your thoughts in order and not embarrass yourself further. He glances at you from time to time, what he is thinking you cannot know.

You arrive at the park and after a few more minutes of walking you sit down in a fairly secluded area except for a few people walking quietly on the stone path not far from you.

"You were pretty worked up in there" Ben breaks the silence.

"Being taken by surprise throws me off. Probably if I had known you were coming I would have been prepared, and imagined all the possible situations I might find myself in"

"Do you do this often? I mean do you never live in the moment?"

"Obviously I can't predict everything that's going to happen to me in a day, but the important things I like to know in advance so I can leave the anxiety at home and not risk headbutting people" a laugh breaks free in the air and when you look at him you feel lighter, nothing like the you of moments before.

"And to answer your question, yes I like you Ben. That day you helped me I think it helped me realise that"

"Funny, I realized it that day too"

"Sorry I must have looked like a weirdo" the awkwardness comes back overpowering again as he shakes his head moving closer to you some more.

"You were cute. Different from how you show yourself to others" you smile slightly dipping your teeth in your lower lip. "Now, do you still want to beat up Mase?"

"You betcha" you reply promptly causing him to laugh, "but not right now"

#thank you anon #ben chilwell #ben chilwell blurb #mason mount

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hamburgerhelpersotherhand · 3 years

Note

Idk if u take requests that mention suicide but if u do I’d like to request one with hannibal x reader (in his point of view) where she is his patient that suffers w severe anxiety and was mentally abused by her family and friends. So he takes her to live w him bc he loves her but she thinks she is a burden to him so she tries to kill herself with medicines while he is away working.

*suicide mention all over the place*

So, I’m not against writing suicide within my stories (and I’ve done it before) but you have to be aware that its not something to be romanticized.

I highly recommend you do not read this if you’re prone to those types of thoughts.

I didn’t quite write it in his perspective and I’m sorry, I kind of forgot as I pondered over this ask for like a week 😳✌️

Warnings: Psychological decay, thanotophobia, suicide and vomiting.

You’re not used to being alone anymore, but that’s how you were and that’s how you felt.

Since you moved in with Hannibal Lecter, your psychiatrist, you’ve felt worse.

You had previously been staying in a hospital for reasons you wish to not discuss with him, but he knew. Your parents had you sent there for your behaviour and refused to allow you back into their home— your home. The home you spent your entire life in and the home that took every cent you’d make.

Did Hannibal feel bad? Of course he did, but he’d feel worse if he hadn’t offered you a place to stay. He wasn’t taking you home out of pity, though it quite felt like it. You almost declined his offer until you were reminded that the hospital has 24/7 surveillance and his home does not.

“I’m going to die alone.” You remember telling him in the middle of one of your sessions. But for a psychiatrist, his reply was rather cold and unforgiving.

“Everyone dies alone.” He looked into you. “It’s a path we must all walk.”

Those same words haunted you as you lay awake in your chilled bed.

For someone who feared the idea of death, you imagined yourself committing the irreversible act quite often. Perhaps it was to feel as though you had control over yourself, your own death.

If you have to die alone, you might as well have power over it. What a stupid way to think, but the way you thought nonetheless.

Hannibal noticed the bags under your eyes that morning. The bags carrying the stress of last night’s existential dread.

He made you breakfast, but you barely gave him a glance.

“We come into this world screaming, and we leave breathless.” You had told him on another account.

He only passively agreed as he wrote in his small notebook.

It made you sick— being reduce to nothing but a series of words on paper.

But, in a way, you believed this to be your truest form... not a girl with a mental disorder and a cry for help, but a cautionary tale.

It doesn’t matter who you are, everyone needs to feel like they aren’t alone.

But you were alone. Your time with Hannibal felt nice at times when you wouldn’t think, but never deserved. You regretted every word you’d share, despite not having said anything Hannibal himself would deem regretful.

But how would you have known? You had isolated yourself beyond what would be normal, but perhaps Hannibal taking the initiative to bring you home aided in such a cruel fate.

Nobody was around as you crept through Hannibal’s bathroom and not a single soul caught you as you swallowed his pills.

It was sometime in the afternoon.

Hannibal would be finishing up with his last client anytime now.

You closed your eyes for a moment, finding the quiet lonely air quite nice this time around. But good things never last forever.

The next thing you remember was jerking forward with vomit forcing its way up your throat. You shouted out in surprise, but before you knew it, a hand was shoved down your throat. You vomited again, and again. Your stomach cramped tiredly and your mouth burned viciously, but when you had finally settled, your dazed mind caught sight of Hannibal holding back your hair.

“Let go of me.” You slurred, your bottom lip limp and your eyes wanting nothing more than to close.

He lightly smacked your face to keep you awake.

“Keep your eyes open. We’re not finished until they pass through your system.” He harshly helps you up and you briefly wonder if he had always been this rough.

“Why would you do something like this?” He asks as he helps you to the kitchen.

Your face contorts, unsure if it’s from the cramps in your gut or the acid in your throat, but you still cry. You didn’t know how to answer him, but you wanted to speak, just... nothing came out. Your breathing continued, you think, but you couldn’t feel it.

“Y/N?” Hannibal had noticed your legs give out as you walked, then your whole body became heavy and dropped. “Y/N, wake up. Keep your eyes open.”

You think he had smacked your face again, but you weren’t sure. At this point, you couldn’t be certain of anything as your heavy eyelids shut.

Nothing around you registered anymore, it was as if you were floating. You’re not even sure your heart continued to beat or your breath continued to flow, but one thing was certain:

You were alone.

#hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal lecter #hannibal x reader #Hannibal #yandere #yandere x reader #ask #request

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hardygalwrites · 3 years

Text

To My Favourite Characters

...I dedicate this COMPLETED Whumptober 2021...

Oh, and I guess I wrote a few original pieces as well. And would you look at that, in my masterpost from 2020, I tentatively stated, “maybe I’ll actually be able to be a completionist next year :)”

And LOOK! Against all odds! Against even my own intentions when I started this challenge! I did it! I actually managed to use all 31 prompts for this year’s Whumptober!! :D

A big hug to the crew of @whumptober2021 and @whumptober-archive for all the time, dedication, and work they have all put into this event. The last time I was this driven and this creatively stimulated was probably the Whumptober of 2020...! So to the mods of this year’s Whumptober, I say thank you ^U^

Listed below are all the pieces I have written for the Whumptober of 2021, with links leading to Ao3, FFN, and Tumblr. Please appreciate my over-beautified post aesthetic :3

I’ve Got You, Brother (Transformers Prime)

No. 1: All Trussed Up and Still Nowhere to Go | Bound

No. 4: Trust Fall | “Do you trust me?”

No. 7: My Spidey-Sense is Tingling | Helplessness

No. 20: Lost & Found | Trapped (alt. prompt)

While scouting out one of Cybertron’s many abandoned cities, Smokescreen and Arcee stumble upon a rather ancient building, one hiding a particularly nasty trap at its entrance. (WARNING: Robot gore)

Archive of Our Own - FanFiction.Net - Tumblr

Am I Doing This Right? (Danganronpa)

No. 2: Talking is Overrated | Gagged

No. 5: I’ve Got Red In My Ledger | Broken Nose

No. 6: Touch and Go | Bruises

No. 23: You Break It, You Buy It | Ransom

Makoto Naegi was known to the world as the Ultimate Hope. As far as Makoto’s concerned, that’s just a title, but he still tries his best to live up to it. (WARNING: Su!cide threat)

Archive of Our Own - FanFiction.Net - Tumblr

Look Who’s Inside Again (My Hero Academia)

No. 9: Rumours of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated | Tears

No. 10: Oops, I Did It Again | Comfort (alt. prompt)

No. 15: Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever | Anxiety (alt. prompt)

No. 27: I’m Fine, I Prom… | Collapse

Ever since Black Whip manifested during combat training, Izuku has been working hard to improve. Things are actually going pretty well, all things considered.

Archive of Our Own - FanFiction.Net - Tumblr

Not a Man of Substance (Persona 4) - Author’s Choice

No. 11: Just Keep Swimming | Adrift

No. 14: Under Pressure | Regret (alt. prompt)

No. 17: Field Care 101 | Dread

No. 22: They Made Me Do It | Threats (alt. prompt)

After burning that damned letter and throwing his lot in with Adachi, Yu finds himself slowly deteriorating, weighed down by guilt and held fast by a deep-seated fear. (WARNING: Elements of derealisation)

Archive of Our Own - FanFiction.Net - Tumblr

No More Talk of Darkness (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

No. 16: On a Need to Know Basis | Aftermath

No. 28: It’s Not Just In Your Head | Nightmares

On the night of his wedding, what should be the happiest night of his life, Jonathan finds himself haunted by the demons of his past. He would love to confide in Erina, but... not yet. Not yet...

Archive of Our Own - FanFiction.Net - Tumblr

In the Wake of Devastation (Dream SMP)

No. 26: You Will Go Down With This Ship | Fallen

No. 29: All Work and No Play | “You’re still not dead?”

No. 30: Digging Your Grave | Major Character Death

No. 31: Hurt & Comfort | Disaster Zone

It’s Doomsday, and Tubbo lies trapped at the bottom of the ever expanding crater that was once L’Manberg, watching the destruction of all of his hopes and efforts.

Archive of Our Own - Tumblr - Gif source

Non-Fanfiction Entries

Bruno - Vampires (WARNING: Non-con drugging)

No. 3: Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But… | Insults

No. 8: Coughing Up a Lung | Losing Control (alt. prompt)

No. 18: The Doctor is In | Doctor’s Visit

Rembrandt - Space western

No. 12: It’ll Be Fun, They Said | Torture

No. 13: That’s Gonna Leave a Mark | Cauterisation

No. 19: Just a Scratch | Stabbing

Drake Schmidt - Modern fantasy

No. 21: That’s Where the Blood’s Supposed to Be | Mercy (alt. prompt)

No. 24: One Down, Two to Go | Flashback

No. 25: Hide & Seek | Near Death Experience (alt. prompt)

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