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#idk. i guess this stuff just makes me think im doing something wrong. am i not supposed to try and make other happy if i seem like a trick?
sheepgirlmaidtummy · 1 month
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i think i have this fear of being seen as a liar i think. like. everyone does it. and as a kid i stole stuff all the time and the way that was dealt with kinda just fucked with my head. do people see my kindness and my compassion as manipulation? am i read as someone trying to tear down the walls so i can get something while ur guard is down?. idk why someone thinking that of me makes me feel so miserable like. what if they were right? ive made mistakes before.. whos to say they arent right about this time? i dont want to stop being kind but it scares me to think about that.
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strwbrymlkshake · 1 year
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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fefairys · 2 years
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gotta wonder sometimes if new people are put off by my rambling lol because i am the bitch that leaves a small novel in discord dms when you are asleep
#but also just in general#i am about to ramble thus proving my point lmao:#im listening to homestuck made this world rn and like. this is something hussie does a lot is they will ramble about their own thing a lot#and sometimes it is seen as like. annoying. or self-aggrandizing#and sometimes it is definitely that. like sometimes they are just saying shit to absolve themselves of responsibility.#but other times i am very interested in what they have to say!#but then the commentators on the podcast will make fun of what they said and im like. oh we.. were not supposed to find that interesting?#were supposed to find that annoying and narcissistic? ok i guess.#and its just like. well fuck i think i do that. am i bad too? am i annoying and narcissistic too?#listening to this podcast also had made me realize that there are a lot of ways in which i have not changed since i was 16#because i still get very sensitive about when people criticize homestuck for what i think are the wrong reasons#because of course i have endless criticisms of homestuck myself#but like cameron will be like 'i fucking hate this bunny i think its so stupid' and im just thinking ok die then. lmao#or like. cameron seems to not like that the story becomes very character-driven in act 5#which is my favorite part of homestuck. i love character-driven stories and that is also what i write#and so it feels like hes also criticizing MY writing in that way because my writing is SO HEAVILY INFLUENCED by homestuck#idk! i wish more people read my stuff so i could have an accurate read on how it is perceived but oh well i guess!#personal#and here i go saying more after i thought i was finished because i feel the need to clarify even tho no one gives a shit#i KNOW that criticism of homestuck is not in turn criticsm of me or my writing. logically. but emotionally? it is just the way it feels.#thats another thing i do is over-explain and over-clarify because being misunderstood is so scary
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#u kno what i dont like? when i talk abt doing something completely bananas that i would absolutely do if i was even a little less socially#conscious and then whoever im talking to is like lol do it#idk maybe im just slightly distorted abt it but i have a compulsive need to do what ppl tell me to and i kno ppl would think i was real#weirf for doing the things so im just like. r u making fun of me? bc truely i cannot tell#like i dont have a good grasp on how well i read ppl. sometimes i think im ok at it. like i can deduce things from context clues#but if someone is not being clean then its fucking way over my head but idk sometimes i cant tell if im being made fun of#like u kno when u make someone laugh and ur like well i wasnt really trying to b funny. i was just saying whats in my head#so was that nervous laughter bc i said something kinda off the walls or was it laughter at my expense#again im probably just distortion bc my sister used to publicly call it out whenever i was being weird but idk#i just wish ppl said what they thought more. like dont say one thing to my face and then later text me something that indicates u were#thinking something entirely different in the moment. bc that's disorienting and it makes me think i can't trust my reading of ppl#i mean. it doesnt help that i dont look ppl in the face lol but whatever#i should sleep. i have jury duty tomorrow and i pray that i am not selected. tho it would force me to have a day off#bc im fucked up like that. no fun allowed. only work. and not enough sleep :-P#idk why im even thinking this?#i guess bc i was helping one of my lab mates with coding stuff and like idk ive spent way too long around him and i still dont#kno whats going on in his head. like idk hes not too bad but he also is very quick to jump on it when i do something wrong#like when i make a lil mistake i mean. and i think its in a teasing way but idk it feels weird. like he thinks hes caught me fucking up#and im like ...yea? i mean yea that was a dumb thing i did. or like yeah i cant spell or remember plant codes? idk maybe he just thinks#its funny. it doesnt upset me or anything. i just think its kinda weird and i dont get it so it puts me on edge#idk he says things sometimes and im like... ok ur star war5 options make me nervous abt the general opinions u hold but i dont kno how to#manipulate u into a revealing conversation. idk his not that bad just puts me on edge a lil and i have to b around him a lot so i sit here#man wtf is his deal? let me psychoanalyze u#unrelated
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be-good-to-bugs · 2 months
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i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa
#the bin#i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious#so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh.#i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad#im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20#more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long#and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful#i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed#and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what#else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option#i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed!#it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them#all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister#also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be.#i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul#fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh.#how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon#and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some#i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to#all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone#besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider#friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period#i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho.#i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past#8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me.#its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone#it will get better. it has to.
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biteapple · 2 months
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my former therapist told me "everything you are and become and will be is something learned; you cant be something if you didn't learn it somewhere. nothing is inherent about anyone, except for something genetic" and honestly it is still messing with me on some level
#like i knew this technically but it still doesnt feel right. something about that feels wrong to me#its for everything like. good and bad about a person#but it gives me this sense of wanting to go back and find the original. does that make sense#if everyone learns something somewhere .. who was the first to do it. and why did it happen that way#yknow what i mean? i imagine this progenitor of all things good and evil about a person#i think the answer to this question is: does that matter? and.. i dont know that it does#like .. can it be quantified? no. but thats the same for most everything thats personal qualia like that#maybe what matters is who YOU learned it from. and what happened to have that occur. and what it means to you#but i still dont like that interpretation of personhood. even if its like scientific and true and shit or whatever.#makes me feel mechanical and not in control of myself instead of someone who's organic and can make my own decisions about my life#but i mean like. i taught people stuff yknow. we all do. right. but like. idk. it makes me feel like im not my own person#and maybe its like. part of wanting to ''feel special''. but i dont like the limelight. i think im really an average joe#i just want to feel like i have control of myself and who i am. and thats why my name feels like its so important to me. yknow what i mean#like i have to think about it a lot. but when nothing about me is original or inherent .. then i feel like im like. nothing#but i guess its like throwing stones or something. not the first stone thrown right. not the first stone in this pond#not the first with this composite. and not the last#but someone threw you that day and you landed somewhere and you eroded this way and you tumbled that way. and you're you#you're like every apple that grows right. not the first on this tree or in that soils or by that farmer.#not the first apple grown under the sun. but you grew and someone eats you#not the first apple eaten by this person. but you got snacked on then and there. and thats what matters about it right.#like whats happening right now. what am i doing about it instead of trying to do something out of my control about the nature of being#wow. i made myself feel better. thanks for reading
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calhanx · 2 years
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Please let me make a fansession with these dumbasses. Do you have Dream moons or even classpects?
nothing official yet since im still in the process of adding more socials to the mix but for now my very rough draft is
tumblr — prospit (page of life)
4chan — prospit (prince of hope)
twitter — derse (thief of heart)
tiktok — derse (bard of time)
reddit — prospit (seer of rage)
instagram — prospit (maid of space)
deviantart — derse (heir of void)
youtube — derse (knight of light)
as for my reasoning, pages tend to suffer from their aspect being taken from them or suffering from other people's manifestation of the PAGE's aspect. tavros's agency was always taken away by vriska. jake was everyones crush in the alpha kids group (one of hopes domain is sexuality and crushes. so its like they had hopes for jake) and it ended horribly. and horuss was often told off by meulin to keep a facade of smiles and politeness (voiding him even FURTHER). or whatever i dont remember much.
and yknow tumblr is like. why the hell does everyone think this site is dead? its cause twitter got most of the userbase when the porn ban happened. then BAM suddenly folks wanna get a piece of tumblr cause theyre all suffering under annoying billionaires (luxury is a domain of life, but can also be a source for doom).
as for 4chan. well ok im not familiar with 4chan but their vibes pretty similar to eridan so lets go with that.
twitter is a thief of heart because they always steal content from other sites (technically most sites do this) and its got a culture of being mean all the damn time even to earnest (heart) things. and i guess because of the short shelf life of tweets and trends, its impossible for most of its userbase to really make an identity? excpet for the influencers on there lol idk. so theres this lack of their aspect, which is a thing thieves go through and is something that causes them to always seek said aspect. still tentative!
tiktok is a bard of time because they invite destruction to time. they waste your time. they waste other peoples time. thats literally how its built. even its trends and culture make ME (personal opinion) go "why am i being subjected to this i dont care stop wasting my time". they dont last long either or at least dont stay relevant (to ME)
reddit. idk thats the place where smarty know it alls go. and yknow the challenge for seers is that they have to learn how to be wrong and EFFECTIVELY communicate with their teammates (kankri failed on both accounts. kept shitting on porrim. pre retcon rose failed on the latter because yknow alcoholism. retcon rose eeeeeh didnt really have a choice in improving herself on her own cause vriska did it for her but hey if it works it works i guess). if you make reddit into a person, seer feels like an appropriate class. also i picked rage for them because rage = truth. also lots of trolls on there, both in provoking rage through silly funnies, real life stories, real life but Insane stories, or legit fucked up stuff.
instagram is the maid of space because idk its vibes make me think porrim would like it. tentative idk much about it. all i know is that its very prospit-y because it requires the user to have a looot of grit to maintain their acc because of their shitty "post regularly" algorithm. at least from what i remember.
deviantart is heir of void because they are like equius. i think you get it. horses. sweat.
youtube is a knight of light because its culture revolves around its content creators! and yknow ccs gotta put up a front to entertain ya. its light because of its content! they literally need and breathe your attention. sometimes has educational stuff (knowledge) sometimes is just shitposts (attention) sometimes its really cool impressive stuff like speedrunning and gaming (victory/luck) sometimes its just funny challenges (success over goals). so putting all this together and makin a person out of it its like oh! theyre going to be sooooooo dysfunctional
anyway lots of this is still not finalized but feel free to do what ya want! socialstuck is free to share and im always glad to find folks makin stuff about it :]
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babiebom · 10 months
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Would I give them head?
A/N: I am so sorry for this I'm writing it at 3 am and I couldn't get it out of my head. I've been giggling for the past 10 minutes like a 7th grader. Also if you are reading this let me know if I should do something special for 50 followers. I know it's not a lot but I am so grateful! If yes let me know what I should do!
Tw: sexual content. Not explicit but it like look at the title. Cursing.
Genre: headcanons nsfw
Wc: idk it depends on which person. Probably 2+ for each.
This is including almost every male stardew character(obviously no kids) plus ridgeside plus expanded but not all because I cannot remember every single character and I don't wanna research rn.
Masterlist
Sebastian
Duh no doubt about it
He is the love of my life (well one of them)
I would give him the best head wymmmmm
Sam
Yes boy deserves it
Golden retriever coded guys deserve good head idc
Shane
Love sad men it's a yes
Kinda wanna make him cry because it's so good.
Maybe I can cure him
Elliott
No
Sorry it's not that I dislike him he's just not my favorite?
Maybe once as a treat but no other time than that
Harvey
Yeah he's the doctor for a small town
I gotta
Maybe he will stop billing me everytime I die
Alex
No
I am not attracted to this man he is more bestie coded to me
If he asked i would allow him a handjob I guess
Gus
Nope
Maybe he gets a Lil handjob as a treat because his food is good
Gunther
Maybe?
He kinda-
But not enough idk....
George
The reason I am writing this r n
The answer is no but the thought of doing it made me cackle
Lewis
Absolutely not
Fuck you old man
Pierre
NO
I hate this lying ass bitch I give you a kick
Willy
No sorry
He prolly smells like fish and salt and I am not fond
Love him tho stinky man
Kent
YES
would give him the sloppiest toppy known to man
He deserves it he needs it i want it pls bless me
I could beat Jodi's ass if it comes to it idc
Victor
Yes
I find him quite cute overlooking his slight classism.
Also for standing up to his mom for himself love that him
Demetrius
No
I'd rather give Robin head
He deserves no head for being crappy stepdad
Marlon
No
As much as I like him he probably does not shower
Also he is for the marnie's only
Clint
No
I wanna punch him so bad
Mr Qi
Maybe?
I don't find him attractive
But at the same time I find him mysterious and the might just be enough to convince me
Grandpa
HA
HAAAAAAA
no what is wrong with you
Andy
No
Prolly tastes like battery acid
He also gives off racist vibes
Wizard
Yeah
He's chill he can get some head
Morris
Maybe for a discount
Im equating Joja to Coke and I like coke
So only if he promises to give me a discount on stuff I want
Phillip
YES
Another love of my life
It was unexpected for me to love him but he is so cute to me
June
Yuperoni pepperoni
We love a man who is talented
Could easily convince me to give him head if he plays the piano for me ngl
Jeric
Maybe
I love but also hate him
He also gives off bestie vibes
Shiro
Yeah
I feel like he needs it:(
Ezekiel
No
I do however wanna smack his bald head
Not in a mean hateful kid of way I just wanna smack it
Lorenzo
Dilf Ngl
Maybe its because of his name idk
Answer is yes
Kimpoi
It was here where I started looking up characters bc i felt bad for leaving them out
No thank you I will not
Lance
Don't know much about him but I think hes cute so yes
His hair is cool
Isaac
Again don't know much about him hopefully he is not a child
But yeah he's cute so he gets a Lil head from me
Ian
If he takes a shower yes
Otherwise no
Kenneth
Yeah
I like his hair and I think he's cool for being an electrician
I know nothing else about him
Sean
Yeah he's cute so he can have some head
Im so sorry for not knowing im too busy simping over Seb and Phillip ngl
Anton
Uhhhhhh
Uhhhhhhhhhmaybe?
Im not attracted but unattracted to him so sure
Bryle
No
He reminds me of family
Like his face
Jio
Yea
As I have said before I love a mysterious man
Love a man with a sword
Zayne
I have no idea what this is
But I guess??
Have no reason to hate him so sure
Bert
No
He looks stinky :((
I also feel like his wife would beat my ass
Freddie
No
He is for the Lola's only
I also feel like he wouldn't be able to feel it
Mr Aguar
No
I do not enjoy his face
Pika
Simply because im assuming his food is good
I'll say sure simply for free food
Richard
No
So sorry
But no
Sonny
I will give him a platonic handjob
He deserves it bc he's a butler and probably does not get a day off with this family
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Note
I get so happy when more people see the car guy mike vision! I saw you said you love cars, so I'm curious do you have any thoughts about what you think mike being a car guy means for him/what he likes?
I know for me I love the headcanon but it came naturally from that leadership aspect of him, and I think it suits him to be a main driver amongst the party. plus I think he'd like the responsibility. and I go a bit more into this in a fic I'm working on, but I also like to think he enjoys fixing up his car and finds it a nice challenge/puzzle for his brain! but the actual technical or detailed parts of the headcanon I haven't researched and explored yet because I'm not well versed on cars myself 🙈
hiii omg thank you so much for asking me about this i am about to bombard you with so many thoughts brace yourself
ok im gonna be so fr when i say i love cars i mostly just mean i love driving,, i am not super well versed in the actual technical aspects of cars myself either😭 buttt i do absolutely have thoughts about mike and driving and super agree with what you said especially about leadership and responsibility. i think mike Needs to be the one everyone turns to drive them places like he wants that to be his Thing (also him needing to be needed popping up there👀),, now max has also obv expressed interest in that but with her ending up disabled she might be less able to do that especially with the accommodations available at the time and even if she could drive it would be a longer process so i like to imagine mike kinda teaches her the ways of the road and they bond, and similar to how he doesn’t walk on eggshells with will he treats max so normal (hostile lmao) which is probably super refreshing for her with being disabled!! orrr that dynamic could even be reversed like if max is unable to drive but she so Wants to be that for the party, she kinda teaches mike that as a way to live vicariously through him? idk i just love max’s thing with cars and mike is such a car guy its insane. I think its also safe to say he’s very precious about his car like not a single crumb of food will get on his seats if he has anything to say about it. this obviously does not apply to will who can do absolutely no wrong but,, because will can see how much mike cares about his car he helps enforce his little rules with the rest of the party when they don’t take them seriously and mike gets lowkey upset with them about it. i love the idea that mike is the first to get his license so he’s kinda designated driver by default for a little while and ends up spending a ton of one on one time with everyone because of that. one of those people obviously being will, and i think between joyce working so much and jonathan going off to college and them definitely not being able to afford another car (and like love too),, will ends up abusing that aspect the most even before they get together. and while will is doing this cuz he’s like in love and stuff and it makes mike feel all useful, mike does get insecure that will isn’t actually spending time with him cuz he wants to and its just to use him to get around, and then when other people start getting their licenses hes like oh i guess the end of an era will doesn’t Have to just drive with me anymore he won’t need me :( but then obviously he Does and they kiss about it or something
and on the note of the fixing cars and stuff i sooo agree he likes learning new things and being able to fix his car and fix everyone else’s cars. like even after he’s the only one with a license he’s found this other thing to be useful to everyone with. omg also there was this post i saw forever ago about mike fixing up his car while will sits on the hood with his legs crossed drinking a milkshake and the image has fr never left my mind its quintessential passenger princess will and car guy mike to meee. i feel like mike would know so much about cars that it would make him distinctly not cool like he is such a nerd about something that would be considered cool that it circles back around and makes him sooo lame. i do think will would not think its lame tho and it does in fact turn him on when mike talks about his car. maybe mike refers to his car as a “she” and has a name for it and everything and will gets lowkey jealous and has to have car sex with him about it idk 😭
anywho!! thank you sm for asking me about this even though i probably know the exact same amount as you do about cars lmao,, actually so fucking hyped for your fic tho ahhh i love your writing <333
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00-theguardians-00 · 6 months
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Hello im lazysimpluna or you can call me Luna or Finley
My other trumblr blog is called @morpheus-the-sandman hop in if you're interested and take a look around!
The pictures hight difference is by the way referenced by clowns drawing just so you know!
im not good at writing and my grammar isn't that great so forgive me for typos :'D I also didn't used Tumblr as much so I'm still
Important none of the stories are Canon to clowns og project!!
!! Boundaries!!
Yes you can
✅ make fanart absolutely tag me please!!!
✅ Shipping? Yes ofc but please only ocs sonas or yns yeah you can also ship Eddie and frank since I ship it too
✅ Im also okay with interactions trough I can't promise I will do all of them I mostly do what I feel like and if I don't feel like it I don't do it it also might take a bit
Donts❌
Please no applecest no wallycest no proships!!!❌
No nsfw with these aus mentioned here!!!❌
Don't do Ai bots of my aus I'm doing alredy bots but it takes a bit I get really exausted after a bit of working on bots like I get sleepy and all it takes a bit I know I'm working on them for quite a while now but still have patients I'm also not an expert when it comes to bots I'm still learning!! ( not sure if I make any ais of the aus here I see idk)
❌❌❌
Don't message me privately if I don't know you please if I know you for a bit from my comment section you can ask me if you can message me and I might say yes , please have patients with me I don't feel comfortable calling you my friend so soon so I just call you a mutual if I know you for a longer while I might call you a friend! I had a really bad experience with an ex friend of mine I knew since my childhood and that left marks , I might get easily overwhelmed or exausted so I might dip or don't talk at all please don't feel like I'm ignoring you or anything I'm not I'm simply not feeling like talking or it is to much at that day for me!❌❌❌
🌟Things about me that are important 🌟
my pronounce are she/her, he him, im genderfluid and aroace ❤️
I have auditory processing disorder or called
(APD )
Wich makes me slower I might forget alot of things or I also have hearing problems sometimes like when somone calls me it doesn't end up in my brain I'm also very sensitive so sounds loud notices specifically
I also take a while to understand things so be patient with me
(HSP ) I am a highly sensitive person
I also have social anxiety
I'm really sensitive like I would say emotionally there are often times where I do take things too serious or something please tell me talk to me about those things if I understand stuff the wrong way
I'm 22 years old and German
I only speak English and German I can't speak other languages
I have 29 aus by now I might add more depending on what ideas I get ( idk for sure I know I have alredy alot and I didn't even developed alot of them enough I do want to put an line to it but I can't I love creating I love making it makes me happy so just be aware XD when I decide to do a blog for my other aus that I might not post alot about those depending on how I'm feeling ( maybe I post more when I get asks idk)
Socials : I have tik tok Instagram also yt I also have another Tumblr but I don't like that one as much atm it's more actually idk it was more meant for oploading ahit art and such but I don't feel the account anymore idk I'm weird xd so ig I might do a new main maybe?? Idk anyhow I'm the most active on tik tok name is lazysimpluna on all platforms!
🌟Refs of my sillys🌟
What's the Xmas au about??
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What is the Xmas au about??
Well I think you can guess Basacally they make gifts for everyone
Wolly Julie yn and Sally are outside to check the houses and make them ready for Santa home to enter before he comes
Eddie brings the letters from everyone to Santa home
Frank makes sure everything goes after plan
Howdy does work both as a shop keeper but also helps around and carries heavy things
Poppy well she bakes
Barnaby also helps around!
They are also able to travel trough aus
If one of them talks it's gonna be red
Because I'm planning on bringing in this blog also other aus so stay tuned!
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alun1r · 3 months
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Rare Alu Rant About Fandoms bc I never say shit:
Sue me, but getting into a fandom just for the intention of becoming popular is so weird to me.
Like sure you want a lot of people to see what you make. Because making something for the fandom should be seen! That’s dope as hell.
But you’re gonna lose inspiration real fast when you find out content creation takes a lotta work but more often than not comes with little reward.
I hold firmly the belief that Fandom is for making content for the pure reason of just because you can.
✨the joy of free will to bring your delusions to life so others can indulge in their delusions as well✨ Kinda vibes? Yanno?
I never started making HL content with the idea in mind that I’d reach 9k followers on tiktok. And I ain’t gonna lie it’s daunting for me. Specially as someone whose always just made shit for whatever reason without even posting it. But The videos that got me views and followers on tiktok, were made because I was high and wanted to laugh. And I’d figured “what the hell, this made me laugh….Maybe it will make someone else laugh.” And I’m glad it did.
And now I float around just making stuff. I still make whatever I want tbh. I do my best to give credit where credit is due in what I make. And yeah I’ve done some fan service videos and writing here and there because hey it’s fun for me.
I see so many posts or peoples bios saying that they’re working towards being popular in fandom and then their posts are what other people said or made on Twitter or tiktok or Vice versa and there’s often times there’s no real credit to original creators.
Don’t get me wrong, if it’s properly credited, AWESOME. Usually it’s not though, and that’s just wild to me. Because how are you expecting to get popular under your own name when you’re just reposting stuff.
That doesn’t make you a content creator.
A historical collector guess?? Because you’re like idk collecting all the stuff people made and what not onto a new page.
Idk dude. I just miss authenticity I guess. People making stuff and just being excited to show it.
Don’t get me wrong though it’s not all terrible on here and everywhere on the internet for fandoms. I’ve made close friends with other creators who feel and see fandom much the same. Just here to vibe and escape.
I’m not saying I don’t think views and followers and likes and notes or what have you, matter. I know they do. I get a lil confidence boost when something I make pops off. I feel proud.
But man it’s the intention of “ Im trying to be a popular creator” that rubs me the wrong way. Make stuff because you like it. Not because other people will. Doing whatever to get you likes wont bring the same satisfaction. And in more cases than not I see it backfiring and causing drama because, like I said it’s usually shit that’s copied or reposted.
Who knows maybe I’m just old and don’t understand bc I also see fandom and the work I’ve contributed as something I wouldn’t like boast about in real life. Because the reaction wouldn’t be positive. Like just for enjoying Hogwarts legacy I get teased in my daily life from acquaintances. It’s not totally negative. Buts it’s enough for me to know that YEAH 9k followers on tiktok don’t mean anything in the real world LMAO because at the end of the day, offline, I am still just a nerd whose daydreaming in her bedroom to escape reality.
I’m 24 dude. And I work in news. Shit is exhausting. Read a headline and you’ll see what I mean. And I just wanted to rant about it because it’s been bugging me since I joined fandom again last year.
But due to, idk my follower count and whatnot I always felt like I can’t or rather I shouldn’t speak my mind so much for fear of SOMEONE coming for me for something. And man I hate that feeling bc this bitch has opinions and I dislike the idea of feeling like others have control over it. But tbh eh. I wanted to rant. Just speaking into the void of the internet.
If you decide to send anon hate for my opinionated rant be ready for a meme bc I don’t have the mental capacity to take anything other than my IRL life responsibilities seriously lmao.
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canis-dentem · 8 days
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okay hi I’m the anon that you wrote a long response to, thank you so much it helped a lot<33 if you don’t mind I’m gonna just send my thoughts to you I guess? Idk writing things out helps me understand my thoughts better. shrug
your bit about not labeling your alterhumanity as spiritual or psychological actually connected with what I feel a lot esp the “i have it, and that's what matters to me.”
I was trying to read up on the different types but i didn’t connect with either to a HUGE extent but also. my connection to some things does feel so like. ohg its like. its such an existent thing; it’s hard to explain. just pure happiness and contentment and hhhfffffh (insert happy noises) when I’m in the woods or the rain or thinking about/drawing certain animals. And if anything it’s more spiritual but it’s also just there and it’s whatever it needs to be
“in my opinion, the biggest question is not "am i really a therian?" and instead, is, "does it make sense/bring me joy/fulfill me to connect myself to an animal?" if it does, move on from there.”
^okay this was so amazing to read because. this is stuff I’d tell people about other aspects of identity in general. like in the past when a friend has came up and said “I don’t know if I am this thing because I don’t know how well I meet criteria” I’ve said “does it make you happy? then go for it” But I wasn’t holding myself to that/letting myself consider that I might be somewhat something, and I didn’t realize that till now?? thank you so much actually wow (happy squinty eyes at you)
I’m still gonna be figuring things out but right now I’m kinda the vibe of “might be a little bit otherhearted, it seems similar to what I feel, but whatever I am, it’s something, and it’s mine, and that’s pretty cool.”
wow this was another long one, hope you don’t mind lol, thank you so so so much I really appreciate you taking time to answer my first ask! hope you’re having a wonderful existence<333
i don't mind at all!! im so glad my advice was able to help you :D i think alongside the like. identity bit, a lot of times people in this community don't tend to treat alterhumanity like any other label people can identify with--but that's what it is, you know? maybe someone identifies as a therian for a really long time and then realizes they were wrong, but that identity made them happy while they had it. i think that's more important than "am i really xyz???"
alterhumanity should be about exploring ourselves and using otherkinning as a way to do that. a way to learn about ourselves and find joy in something. if it's bringing you stress, it's not worth it. i hope you find what makes you happy, anon!!! go forth and be excited about the experience of finding yourself. <3
(and again--my askbox is open for any more "thinking out loud" or self-discovery talk!!)
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meowza315 · 3 months
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hi I'm anon who loved your au mike! whoopsie my memory must be bad i thought they were like 21 (maybe I mixed it up as 19-21 not 16-19) and because in the movies they're adults going in so i assumed lol! and im 17 anyway so i forgot as anon that could seem weird. byler being attractive or in love physically isn't weird though i think it's healthy to just say it's not what you like, as a teen it's nice to figure out what i like and be comfortable navigating it not grossed out. but not to worry as the artist it's fair not to want that and not what I meant for this au with what I said anyway! he's just a good looking silly guy 😎 like that little doodle of will sizzling on the floor on my last ask shows his love for sure LOL so so cute. their love language being touch is also very sweet and comes across in your art and suits the au, it's a nice thought! thnks for this au!
hello again!!
no worries, things happen 😭 they are in fact 16 when the story starts and by the time it ends three years passed (it’s 2.5 I did the math wrong) due to Mike’s extensive training period and the time between their confession and Mike transferring his consciousness to his avatar permanently. Together it’s 3 years but broken down his training took 18 months, the time from the end of training to tsaheylu was a year, and another month or two between that and the end of the story with a few days or weeks sprinkled in between in certain areas I can’t remember but. yeah 3 years? 2.5? Something like that.
With how they’re aged, they’re both essentially 16 1/2 which is why they’re 19, cause after the year and a half of struggle before their confession they both had turned 18 at that point and then the year after that blah blah blah you get the point. anyways.
I myself am 16 (birthday was a little under a week ago writing this) !!! I don’t think it’s weird that they’re attractive or love each other physically (I’ve said on insta a few times how they’re pretty or handsome etc etc), however it’s still not in the sexual sense. I probably took something and interpreted it wrong or something idk, I’m a very anxious person especially when it comes to the gayliens cause of all the aspects mashed together with how they don’t wear a lot and are 18 by the time they confess to one another. theres a lot of people in the byler fandom that are a bit.. wacky.. I guess I could say. so. yeah ❤️
and yeah as the creator of the AU and more than 75% of the artwork from it (as well as still being a minor) I don’t want anything weird coming from it or any people that are gonna take stuff from it and run, if you get what I mean by that. like not trying to see basic information I’ve come up with because I’ve shoved so much lore and story and detail into it. For the love of god I give their accessories and songcord beads meaning. Literally nobody cares about that but I DO!! I CARE!! I care about the little details!
and back to love language !! them having that love language of touch is going to end up stemming from having at least some attraction to each other physically. its a small detail but anxiety still makes me worry about it sometimes, especially in some parts of the storyline like tsaheylu. But even before then, in their confession, after they tell each other, it’s an intimate moment between them. they kiss, they hold each other close. Mike literally ends up on the ground at one point from pulling Will so close (doodles below). They finally both got what they want, each other. it’s still evident then. but even as the story continues and gets to the point of tsaheylu it’s more noticeable? I guess?
There’s literally a reference to the original scene in Avatar (tree of voices scene w/ Jake and Neytiri) that of course, inspired me to make the AU in the first place. However, they’re only small aspects from the scene that I pulled from it instead of it being exactly the same. we all know what happens there. besides them bonding. cough. yeah no that’s not canon in this AU thank god. but anyways, they bond and sigh contentedly and have this moment together. it’s a new experience and probably weird for both of them because they aren’t bonding with an Ikran or direhorse this time, it’s each other now (also I know my avatar lore and how bonding is technically erotic and done during mating but no. not today). They bond, kiss a few times before Mike picks up Will like Jake does to Neytiri, and after a bit they go to bed. literally nothing else (another unfinished visual below).
they’re silly guys and I’m glad people enjoy the AU as much as I do!! instances like this allow me to infodump about stuff and honestly I’m here for it. I just hope no one comes into my asks and says something really weird. I don’t want those weird ass “spicy bylers” on my page. but other than that i love when people ask stuff about the au, it makes me happy!! :) im welcome to explain more stuff for fun or if you’re interested cause it gives me more opportunities to rant haha
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mono-red-menace · 4 months
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i spent quite a while online trying to prove i was a good tranny. like trying to prove that i was worthy of existence out of a fear that i would be targeted. yk? i've been a person with intrusive thoughts for a long time and i would often see my thoughts as my "true colours" even though i didn't want them. anything over than fighting them full-on was an admission of my true horrid nature.
this was exacerbated by my attempts to get therapy yk. like coming out as trans and being told to my face, through gritted teeth, that it's "fine" if i'm trans. i'm "not going to hurt someone. yet. especially not children." from someone who was supposed to help me. to make me feel better. to make me less scared. outright telling me that i'm a paedophile literally just for being trans. a teenager.
or any attempt to get help with my intrusive thoughts, "i'm thinking these awful things and i don't want them. they scare me and they won't stop," to therapists, and met with obvious disgust and contempt. like because i'm thinking these things, because they jump into my brain, even though they scare me, depress me, make me want to tear my skin off, they're an example of the "real me." it's nothing wrong with my brain, obviously, to them. it's a perversion. i'm not someone who is deeply hurt and scared. i'm disgusting to them.
the thoughts were like. made worse by it too. yk. asking for like. help. like "surely these thoughts don't make me wrong, right? surely it's just a brain thing, surely i'm good, i'm not bad?" and it being met with "you're a disgusting person. you're a pervert. you're going to hurt children. you're violent and deranged." really doesn't make the thoughts better. you know.
they got worse.
much more violent, much more sexual, much more often. constant thoughts of how i could ruin people in so many ways. and i'm the only one experiencing them. no one even knows what im thinking. and i'm so distressed. they're proof that i'm secretly a horrible person. i have to prove that i'm not. i can't let the thoughts win. i don't want them to win.
so like i wanted to like. really prove that it was wrong and that i wasn't bad and that i was a good tranny and i'm a normal person and i don't constantly get bombarded with horrible, disgusting thoughts. i wanted to prove that i was good. even though I believed my thoughts were proof of how horrible and wrong i was. how much i deserved to be locked up. so i also felt a guilt about it. you know. like not only am i horrid and deranged, but i'm also pretending i'm not. and for what? why would i? i obviously had some ulterior motive if i was doing it. i didn't even know what it was. but i could guess. there were so many reasons why i could be pretending to be good.
anyway. the intrusive thoughts have been getting better now that i'm in a caring environment. and a bit less now that i'm not around people as much. i still get the intrusions of killing this person/animal, of sexually assaulting this person/animal. but they're a lot less common. and now I know that an intrusive thought isn't something that proves i'm wrong. or bad. it's something that proves i'm hurt.
i don't want to do that stuff. i'm scared of doing that stuff. it terrifies me, and i obsess over it because it terrifies me. you know? so in my getting better with dealing with it and getting better with accepting that it's not what i want, I've been getting better at not feeling the overwhelming urge to prove that i'm actually good. you know?
idk i just. dont talk about this because it makes me feel like people will think im a bad person. i dont want people to think i'm. a bad person. i want to prove that i'm good. i want to prove that the thoughts aren't me.
talk about intrusive thoughts online, actual talk about actual intrusive thoughts, has been really helpful to me. i've been internalising the ideas in them. countering what was thrown at me with the new knowledge of what intrusive thoughts are. and in accepting the thoughts are evidence of pain, not inherent badness, they've lessened.
anyways. it's funny how often the help i need to get over deep-seated issues in my brain comes from a source outside of therapy. and many of the things that Made Me Worse came Directly From Therapists. guess that's what it's like being a trans woman growing up im a conservative state. lmao.
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keibea · 11 months
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Get to Know Me - Sims Style
i was tagged by @amuhav because she loves me and knows i love doing these things
what's your favourite sims death?
ngl i dont actually have one, im terrified of any of my babies dying so they never do...but i guess old age maybe? because that means theyve lived a long life and ive played with them for a long time?
alpha cc or mm?
alpha HANDS DOWN...i dont hate mm by any means dont get me wrong, but ill always be an alpha girl at heart. its the alpha hairs, they always get me.
do you cheat your sims weight?
only if it fits their character i guess? not usually in gameplay.
do you move objects
i move objects every single day.
fave mod?
ooofff i mean out of necessity? nraas. but just the one i love? hands down pose player. mostly because i was so excited when i finally got it to work (i was like 13 or something and before then i could not figure out how to get mods to work) so a lot of happy memories from finally getting my sims to pose.
first expansion/game pack/stuff pack?
my first ever was sims 2 glamour life stuff pack when i was a kid. if we're talking sims 3, i believe the first pack i got was generations, which is still my favourite sims pack ever.
do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?
i pronounce it LIVE, always have as far as i know.
who's your favourite sim that you've made?
well, its gotta be elodie honestly. she and eli are the longest sims i have ever had and i love them both dearly. in the sims 4, its gotta be my girl pippa. before tumblr? i had this family called the moretti's, i miss them and i think about them way too often. i loved them all.
have you made a simself?
oh yeah. loads of times. i think ive shared my sims 3 and sims 4 variations on tumblr (but they look really weird tbh). i love making myself, cause then i can wear all these clothes i cant afford in real life.
favourite ea hair
im with aimee on this one.
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im mostly joking, but usually sims 3 hairs are a no go for me, except for some store ones and the hairs that are pulled back into buns always look really nice. for sims 4, only the newer ones. the older ones are not for me.
favourite life stage?
young adult. i feel like you can always do more with young adult sims and you have so much more time (except in sims 1 i believe?and sims 2 only if u went to uni?? idk). 90% of my sims are forever young adults because i love that life stage so much.
are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?
mate ive been trying to build for donkeys years to no avail. so im almost always in it for the gameplay.
are you a cc creator?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BAHAHAHA HA once upon a time bro maybe. your girl tries to be, but uni is a pain in my bottom, and sims 3 loves making my life difficult.
do you have any simblr friends or a sim squad?
somehow i do?? more friends then irl anyway. the girl gang is @thesimperiuscurse , @lazysunjade & @amuhav these 3 have put up with me despite my crazy personality for an incredibly amount of time and i love them all dearly. but i have so many friends on here its crazy (more than 3 people its incredible!). obviously they havent seen my real personality yet. besties include: @catharsim , @plumbobem , @johziii , @rollo-rolls , @moonsonnet , oh gosh im forgetting people I AM SO SORRY I LOVE U ALL SO MUCH
do you have any sims merch?
bro i wish, but no money. spent it all on anno 1800. no regrets.
do you have a youtube for sims?
i believe formally i do, but i dont post anything. i do have some ideas if i ever wanted to, but my adhd brain couldnt cope being consistent so i probably never will.
how has your "sims style" changed throughout your years of playing?
as in sims or gameplay? idk ill talk about both. gameplay wise, not much, except im weirdly a lot more controlling then i was over my sims WHOOPS. but i still cant get passed gen 2 so that hasn't changed. but i still prefer family gameplay, probably always will. and challenges, always challenges. sims wise? a lot.
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this is one of the earliest sims i have photo evidence of. this was in 2018 i believe?
whose your favourite cc creator?
the people that are the cause of most of my cc obsession are @kerriganhouse , @rollo-rolls , @johziii , @joojconverts & @martassimsbookcc and probably a few more but mind blank
how long have u had simblr?
since 2020. one of the longest things ive ever committed to.
how do you edit your pictures?
with my blood, sweat and tears. im not joking, a lot of sweat and tears goes on when im editing.
what expansion/gamepack is your faveourite?
of all time? generations, no doubt in my mind. i never had any sims 1 or sims 2 expansions, so i never got to experience those unfortunately. generations was perfection though. i mean, boarding school? lifesaver. also led to the best sims series of all time: lifesimmer's generations. for sims 4 though? probably get together, purely because of the world.
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floralkittygambler · 1 year
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Coming and Going - Some More Vivzie Shit
Before you start, this is an extremely LONG read covering this account, my views of Viv, my content and my relationships within this Godforsaken fandom. This is my most up to date thoughts in 2023 on everything. This is something I feel necessary for me to do.
Contents (in no particular order):
Current Situation
Relationships in the fandom
Why I started this Blog
Thoughts on Viv/co and how they've changed since m previous posts
the fans
future thoughts and moving on
accountability
If any of this interests you, read ahead. Titles will be provided for easier following.
Why I started this blog
Originally this was a blog like any other; art, reblogs n shit. As I grew more into a Viv fan, I started posting fanart and follow blogs on her work. The more I learned the more I hated, and thus I began to become a critic. I was pissed off at viv wasting her potential, and eventually I became just as toxic and shitty as both her hardcore haters and majority of her fans. Some takes were good, some bad, either way I got too involved, too absorbed and let it consume me. Stupidly getting into conflicts, stuff like that. And I became a hardcore hater. I vocalised it. My initial aims long lost. Then I disappeared.
Vivzie, co, all that
I went from adoration to disgust of this lot. Now though, whilst I deeply dislike Viv and her crew, deeply dislike majority of the fans, I just feel... Gross. Hollow. Exhausted. I have a lot to say on Viv and my previous takes but truthfully I am too lazy and too tired and ultimately have better shit to do than go through every little thing right *now*. But I do want to at least cover a few here to do some justice, I guess.
So to skim through a few. Lets go.
Viv tracing. Honestly, tracing is a useful skill but it's bad when you trace another's work, don't credit and claim it as your own. This includes modified tracing (starting with a trace then stylising over it to make it more your style). Having nazi, nonce, etc characters I think people take extreme. These sorts make excellent "love to hate them" villains. Owning such characters isn't a crime. It's how theyre portrayed and the purpose. The nuance - something to constantly keep in mind. Her romanticism sausage party art is yikes. With her age, maturity, humour, I believe she saw this as some kind of fucked up humour, having enough awareness to understand the taboo to hide this stuff yet I do feel this was a stupid kid doing stupid edgy shit. Does that make it right? No. But I definitely dont think Viv is some nonce or nazi supporter. Later finding out how this profile was discovered makes me equally question morality on all sides. Vivs beastiality nonce artwork with the snake tub, Ive seen private dms to solidify that viv admitted to both owning this piece and that it was supposed to be a joke. Once again, I genuinely dont think shes a nonce BUT she needs to realise that if that character was below 18, she has drawn child prawn (censorship whooo) as well as distributed it via sharing online. That's still something really serious and gross. I get her humour is immature and dark, but theres lines you dont cross. And I dont find that art funny in any ways, it genuinely looks like a perverts wank bank rather than funny. Idk if the lad was one of them shapeshifting animals either but being in a human form in this instance does make the portrayal a beastiality one, due to human presenting. That's not cool. As much as I loathe those who would abuse kids or animals, I dont think this is Viv necessarily. Though I believe in this sense, Viv needs to understand and work with her cats more. She's done a lot of wrong shit but false accusations derail from solid proven issues that need addressing. At the least, Im glad the animal pervs and nonce stuff is gone. Heartbreaking that shit is so often heard of. This is the sort of thing Id laugh at as a kid but now Im grown and look after little ones, it fills me with nothing but sickening horror. Whilst vile vile vile, I havent seen anything concrete to prove or imply Viv supporting/participating in such depravity. And I fucking pray it stays that way.
You have apologised in the past. But the way you did so, the way you spoke about it afterwards and the way you are now proves it was insincere. Something to shut 'haters' up.
Viv, with all your shit, neurodiversity and late maturity, you're still yet to change for the better. The people you hang with are some of the most vile, toxic, narcissistic and shitty people. Yes men. You hire fans who'll do anything to please you, which can open the path to abuse (note: CAN, not a definitive, though in this case...). You equally are still a shitty person still. You're coming apart at the seams. Critique and hate aren't the same, and unfortunately you'll need adaptability and tough skin in this world as people can be very cruel. You lie. You twist like a constrictor. Charm the more susceptible. A very well known kissarse of yours on twitter who was quite the bully was followed by yourself, liked tweets then hired. They arent the only one either. Whilst you cannot be responsible for every single fans every single action, their are responsibilities you hold. Dont like tweets that encourage hate, dont reward negative behaviours, check your own public actions and how they may influence (act like a prick and those who admire you will mimic). Behind the scenes, treat people right. Dont play favourites. Always have integrity. Learn to incorporate critiques as well as filter out legitimate hate. I know it's not easy, but it's necessary to survive.
Viv, I can wholeheartedly empathise with receiving harsh hate early on in life and online. I know how that can taint and stunt the mind. But the thing is, you have to eventually break from that. BE responsible. Grow. Ive been toxic before. That's partially why I fixate on some of this. Equally Im angry. You ARE a VERY talented artist with potential. A shitty writer, do work on that (as well as diverse stories to tell - gain those experiences or listen to those who've been there - esp as you're doing this as a living) but when you're passionate about a piece, you're talented. And when you're not, you do what we all do and dole shite out (btw people thought I was bullying Viv when I said her P5 Alastor piece was bad in comparison to her other works. The proportions were awful, you could tell she just wanted it out the way. A startling lack of soul.) From what I've seen, you crave approval and admiration to compensate from the past cruelty. I can empathise. But that shit isnt healthy. And you block yourself from growth. You cultivate a tainted crop. You poison yourself. You sacrifice integrity and the gruelling work of improvement for the instant gratification of worship from fans by bending to their desires and your own at the cost of quality. What couldve been groundbreaking storytelling and visuals is nothing more than a glorified low-level fanfic. Wasted potential. Something I cant stand. I have been harsh as that same method helped me. In doing so, I disregarded your own humanity. I wish I conducted myself better and though I never encouraged abuse, I'm sorry that my words may have contributed to this shit cycle.
Your staff and many of your fans have... Concerning attributes, such as the fetishing of toxic relationships, blurred boundaries, disregard of boundaries, etc. The stark numbers of such unpleasant people flocking you is extremely worrying.
I do deeply dislike you. I do feel you have ultimately caused your own shit - been there - but I do pity you as well. I wish you'd go the effort to be you. To be less try hard. To allow growth and change, diversity, stop petting hatred. Get a better crowd, esp one willing to actually help you to be better by pointing shit out. To stop mass abusing others. I do dislike you greatly. I wish you would do better but all you've been doing is doubling down on shit. I feel Icarus needs to fly closer to the Sun for change to happen. It feels like the only way you may actually ground yourself and smell the roses. I just wish folk could be better as a whole. Sick of shit like this. Whilst no one is perfect, there's still standards to uphold. Growth to be had. Breach stereotypes and fetishes that dehumanise, work on yourself and your relationships with others. Careful on your humour and learn how to execute humour properly. Glad you're not doing beastiality art though. You cant please everyone and shouldnt have to in order to be admired and popular. Just be better. Also hating kids isnt a personality. I get not everyone cares about them but dont take shit too far. They can be gross and annoying but in the end they're just... Children. Theyre learning and growing. You can only hope they bloom into decent people. Admittedly a kid tripping is pretty funny but there's a limit. If you want to portray a creep, don't do anything that endorses their behaviours. Theyre vile, remember. No kid deserves that. Work on financing too. Medicating via shopping is a dangerous road. Dont bend to social pressures (such as getting wasted because friends do if you dont want to). Vet your staff. Better ethics.
Fandom
And the fans are just... A minority are lovely. I had a HuskerDust fan be respectful of our differences and hope the best for them. But the majority I've encountered or witnessed have been off their fucking heads. Often encouraged by Viv or staff. The staff and fans are now claiming that critics are homophobic racists falsely (which implies certain races, sexualities, identities, etc are absolved of criticism - which is both favouritism and it's own form of bigotry. Hell, it's spitting on the real victims of such crimes over mediocre cartoons and digital lunacy). These same people then insult people for... being cis and straight. Firstly, that's also bigotry and a dick move on identity and invalidation, it's also false in some cases (proving folks just spew shit), it demands special treatment for identities when we're all equal and deserve to be treated with equity, it's also just... Weak. Bigots can fuck off BUT many critiques have been about inconsistency in plots, writing and design issues, etc. Nothing pertaining identity.
Fans have been hypocritical like their idol. We're all hypocritical to an extent. But the madness... Ok, Blitzo uses retard (note: neurodivergant and have right to say that word, even then it also means delay "fire retardant" as well as where I live it's not nearly as bad as another term used yet is still fine in the US.) I think this isn't an issue as it can show things or speech patterns of the character. Then fans have falsely accused critics of ableism who either havent used the word, quoting this or even have right to say it yet coddle this fictional character. This was referenced in a recent episode with Blitzo about to call another character (rumours are this nurse is autistic but I do NOT have full confirmation. Pinch of salt!) retard before retracting it as it being unacceptable to say. Blitzo really wouldnt give a shit. Likewise I feel this is one of those permanant grey areas in fiction; is it? Isnt it? in terms of using terms. Of Mice and Men used slurs against black folk, that was to reflect that time and the character's mentalities. Not an author's mirror. Likewise, it wasn't used as humour either. Coming from ONE ND, I couldn't care. I feel this is hyperfocused on over more glaring issues, as well as a benefit of the doubt (being character mindset and possibly not author projection). Feel free to have your own opinions, and I only speak for myself there. I can empathise with those who may feel more sensitive to the word (which is why Im more careful in it's use) but as someone who is also technically affected, I just... Personally dont feel too bothered. Likewise, I'm learning to hold more human compassion and flexibility to error and human flaws rather than perfect standards (again, this wont justify or absolve. And more serious things like an assault doesnt apply. It's daft this needs clarifying, it should be the bare minimal). Not everyone will agree on everything, but there's just some lines that should be a standard. I think the staff and fans overall conduct themselves immaturely, cruelly, and cause harm.
I regret in engaging in some arguments. Not worth it. I think I shouldve been more compassionate to difference yet equally not been so volatile with harassment. HunterGirl's HD discord hate on me is... Something I shouldn't have fed. Hate me, that's fine. But the fact someone so close to Viv allowed the harassment is disappointing and shitty. Bitch behind the scenes but dont go out at people. Likewise behind the scenes talk, dont threaten folk either *Viv* (at one of your ex-staff). Call someone the biggest wanker you know but there are limits you dont cross. As with Viv and co, I once hoped for improvement but I just lack faith in that now and I'd just rather stay away from it all. Too much toxicity I've allowed myself to bathe in and hatred and venom only burns. Only burns more of the same product. It's not worth it. Don't even have the skills or assets to do any good from this either. If I can't help, itd be best to support those who can help whilst staying away from the vitriol. Stick to the facts and my own integrity. It's tiring to be involved in all... this. Again, I can only speak on myself hence why I'm only saying me shit. Any vents can be done to friends but otherwise none of this has resulted in any good. And I contributed to cruelty as well. It aint right.
Friendships
Bit more personal and past. Ive made many nice friends. Friends Im still friends with now, and I thank them. With certain issues arising, theyve been the anchors to ground and account me. Real friends. Friends that deserve to be shown more how appreciated they really are. Thank you. They have guided me into better awareness and accountability. We have our own little group now for art, gaming and hopefully any other group activities. Friend stuff. We'll rant, we'll vent, but we're actually doing friend shit now. Ive hyperfixated enough on negatives. Dragged others into an abyss with me. Its not fair for them.
There is a friend here, I think they dont see my stuff anymore idk. I was warned about them. Through all Ive seen and my experiences, I wish you to get help. Get off tumblr. Get off twitter. Both can be extremely toxic as well as cultivate toxicity. Be accountable. Get help. And focus on you. I still worry for you, though I am disgusted on some of your actions. Treat the living with respect. Learn that people will try to bait you. Let go of paranoia (not easy), confront your past and grow. And please... Dont lie. Dont lie about events that occur as you're creating your own misery. Learn to step back and not be so forceful and preachy. Been there, it's not a good place. Experience a diverse crowd on a human level. And please spend some time away from the internet. People really can be pricks sometimes. Even ourselves. You're also pretty hair trigger and tempered. A bit like me sometimes LOL. Learn to balance that. Trust me.
To mates on here who Ive only spoken to here, if you'd still like to be mates, I can link you our group if you're up for group art and gaming or activities, or to another social media account to chat.
To unanswered asks, I'll try but not promise to address them. Those which ended up deleted, I can only remember the one question sorry. And the answer is Sitri. Sitri would be a good HB replacement for Stolas, he's quite the love/lust expert and a focus on men. Fun chap! I had more for this answer but again, cant be arsed with this shit anymore. Sorry.
I joined a spindle critique group. What I learned is the union from bitterness isnt solid grounds for friendship. I wont go into details as it's a private and resolved matter. I shared the full log to current friends to have a neutral and raw take. These are friends I can trust will yank my chain if Im in the wrong. And they did. They spoke of the wrongs on both sides. These are folks who are guiding me to better. Folks I have trusted with the full log, full transparency. I appreciate you both and take your words into stride daily. To old friends, I would rather friends make their own choices. I never hated you, but was hurt on this other side of you. Likewise Im sorry to make you feel that way. Im sorry to have trauma dumped (recently discovered this term, and using it to manage myself better.) There was only one individual that I was given uneasy vibes on and made that clear from the start. I tried with them. For awhile, I even started to see them as a genuine friend. In the end, we were too clashing. We didn't mesh well. My initial feeling on the situation ultimately felt true. But when I open up about home issues and emotions, I dont want them weaponised. Especially as Ive been doing some irl work to find many holes in my perspective as well as others hard work in being involved with me. Things are different now. Never felt it needed in convo, I was too fixed on my own hurt. Home was self preservation at those times. I regret opening up over some personal issues. None of this absolves me of poorly handling situations and anger issues. Near the end, I felt more wary to be more open on certain things. But I shouldve been a better friend. I never liked how catty things got. Trolled. We all just became knobs in one way or another.
My ask to remove my triggers was me hoping to do good for you. Remove a trigger that would inevitably end up being a large part of the group sooner or later, maybe this summer. Especially as I 'lacked empathy'. I thought I was doing good. I never lied about it, and feel bitter that was twisted. If I explained something, I was wrong. Kept it brief, I was bitchy. I was willing to endure a trigger if it made things easier in the group, and the situation was more than a stupid ship. Ive had triggers Ive adapted to handle better now. And public, you are not entitled to my medical history however we're in an age where youre both valid and entitled to privacy yet must breach privacy to have a voice. I have an ED. A certain word wasn't even allowed in my presence without panic and flashbacks. I was a little girl then. And I managed to slowly ease the trigger word via gradual exposure - a replacement word, spelling the word, and eventually hearing the word. It - and what it has done to me - will always scar me. But I learned to handle it better in my own time. I dont need lecturing on how triggers work. Especially when each case is unique, each 'cure' is personalised. If you want to believe Im full of shit then... Do that. Im sorry for being a shitty friend at times and Im working on that, but outside opinions (note: these are done in private spaces so all parties are anon) have noted flaw on your end too. We all fucked up. The two things below the belt were the trigger claims (hence my example of my own experiences with another trigger) and my private issues shared in confidant are the two things I remain disgusted by. That doesnt justify my frustrations, dumping or behaviour. And my example is not a pity ploy either. We're separate now, and it's best that way.
Overall, being here, in this community and fandom, has done nothing but shit. Fuelled the worst in me and others (from what ive seen in public fandom spaces). I may do art and other creative endevours on spindle, but otherwise good riddance. Even if the purge is painful.
Another friend. Im in their group too. One to improve some creative skills. Appreciate being let in there, though I'll probably mainly lurk for tips. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Wording is honestly growing harder for me each day. It's helping me start the path of better expression.
Current and future
I word shit less. Not here, as this is long overdue. But trying to sum up more efficiently. Spending more time irl to improve myself and my life. Welcoming friends who we both can hold each other accountable and support. Focusing more on stuff to improve as well as enjoy. The world is so dismal. So I spend time doing other stuff. Im already mopey enough. Sorting things to refine and focus on enjoyments. Gaining skills to help others. Experienced some personal griefs/losses. And Im learning that people arent entitled to everything. Not quite there yet but Im learning. Im often in deep pain, so cant always do what I want to get done in a day.
Most likely, I will discontinue this. Besides others have been doing a brilliant job. Dont absorb yourself. You can control much of what you get exposed to, so what you can control, make it good! Have integrity, work on yourselves. Try not to be a dickhead but acknowledge where you are a dickhead and work on that. Balance is key to a healthy mind, take the good with the not so good. Take the time to simply sit outside and observe. Appreciate life. Similarities and differences. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. But have your standards. Learn. Grow.
Im in a lot of pain and have shit to do. Take care. I feel Viv, co, fans will only learn with drastics, haters need to learn empathy (haters as in stalker level folk), old friends Im sorry to hurt and equally feel hurt by. Best we've gone separate ways and moving on. Current friends I appreciate. That one person, please... PLEASE get help. Youre young, man- This shit is going to poison your very core. Make you into something shitty and cruel. And please treat animals with care. Me, still a twat but trying. Embrace truth, compassion and fairness with a firm angle. Or just avoid nasty shit.
Well, cya. Stay well. We're not going to be here forever.
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