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#sdv shitpost
genericb34ns · 22 hours
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yeapples · 1 month
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marriage proposal no mermaid pendant required
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forbiddenmoss · 18 days
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Shane: hey farmer the sewer guy was out looking for you
Farmer: wait do know krobus? Why didn't you say anything???
Shane: I was busy minding my damn business and sewage monsters ain't my business
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stardewgay · 1 year
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emily’s 8 heart event in a nutshell
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the-sword-lesbian · 1 month
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Okay Stardew Valley peeps hear me out.
I know a lot of us like to use the farmhand cabins for extra storage. And with the introduction of 8 person multiplayer that means you can now put 7!!! farmhand cabins on your farm.
But I’m still going somewhere with this.
So they added some new cabin designs so that everyone doesn’t have to have the same look if they don’t want it.
And this
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Is one of the new “cabin” designs.
So what I’m saying is we should plot out a corner of our farms with 7 of these and decorate it like a trailer park.
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magpiemore · 1 year
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babiebom · 2 months
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Sebastian NSFW Alphabet
A/N: the actual love of my life is next, be prepared for the others to either come over the next couple of weeks or the next couple of days depending on how fast I do them.
Tw: nsfw content(sex, kinks, cum, ome mention of piss yk the usual) cursing
Wc:idk
Stardew Masterlist NSFW Alphabet Masterlist
C- Cum (anything to do with cum,basically)
If you asked him to his face he’d just say that he’s okay with whatever you want but in truth he wants to ruin you completely. I think he would be very awkward and unwilling to admit that he wants to cum inside you and on you. Like he wants to go until you’re covered and filled with his cum. It’s probably a possessive thing.
E- Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)
I think I’ve talked about this before? Like he’s either a virgin or he’s had one or two people that he’s slept with before. I do think he and Abigail have hooked up at least once but stopped at some point because something happened. But I do lean more towards him being a virgin right now
He doesn’t really know what he’s doing but he learns quickly and never shows that he’s clumsy with it. Acts like he’s just learning what you like in order to pretend that he’s cool calm and collected. Inside he’s freaking out because he doesn’t know what he’s doing and is VERY worried you’re not enjoying yourself.
G- Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? Etc)
He would want to be funny and relaxed in the moment, but he is quite serious because he’s kinda insecure, and wants everything to be good so he can’t really relax and be a little funny until you’re far into the relationship.
H-Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
His pubic hair is dark like his hair(I know people think he’s a redhead like his mom but I do like that his hair is dark.) he will let it get messy if he’s single but once he starts dating he trims it VERY low. Like he’s not bald but is very short in order to make everyone comfortable.
I-Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
I don’t think he’s very romantic unless you ask him to make more of an effort. I don’t think he’s entitled or even open with asking for sex, but you can tell when he wants to do the do. He’s more like….idk how to describe it. It’s just he’s like more touchy and cuddly when he’s horny? If you ask him to be more romantic he’ll do the candle thing probably or something nerdy but cute.
J- Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
One of the horniest men to ever exist ngl. Dude probably jacks off at least once a day. Let’s face it, he’s an antisocial emo, who sits in his room all day because he doesn’t want to leave it and to further that point he even has a job that requires him to not leave it. Seb has so much alone time and so many naughty thoughts that he has to rub one out in order to even concentrate properly. Luckily no one really bothers him so he has only been caught probably once and as a teenager.
K- Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Lord Jesus this man has too many to count so I might go top five. He likes role playing and dressing up for SURE. Wear that maid costume, or if you’re particularly dominant out HIM in a maid costume. Let him wear his Wizard cosplay like dude is DOWN. Bdsm. Literally(I say this word way too much)as a whole he likes bondage, he likes sadism and masochism(he will let you choose) he’s into dominant and submissive roles(again he will let you choose) it’s just FUN for him. He likes choking, and probably has a body worship kink (both ways), and overstimulation. Used to edge himself on accident and it became a thing for him
L-Location (favorite places to do the do)
In his room, or near the lake. He likes it most on his bed because after it smells like you, and he’s always dreamed of fucking a significant other in his bed during one of his jerk off sessions, and literally having you in his bed is a dream come true. Also on the couch in his room, because it’s kinda depraved. Like you two were so wrapped up in each other that you couldn’t make it to the bed that’s a couple of feet away.
He likes the lake because it gives off the exhibition vibe while honestly being kinda private. Like he’s usually the only one by the lake at a certain time (unless Demetrius comes and ruins the vibes for him even if he’s usually on the other side of the lake) and living on the mountain top means that no one is really around to snitch on him. Like his mother is too wrapped up in her husband and his sister is too wrapped up in her experiments and robots to even notice that he’s railing you by the lakeside.
M- Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
I feel like I’ve said this for EVERY character so I’m gonna try to reword it from just *you*
His mind gets him going. Like he’s always thinking of something dirty, even if he’s doing something completely innocent. Like he can be working and all of a sudden his mind is wandering because his work is so boring that it can’t help but fill the boredom with things he finds fun. Like video games and fucking you until the both of you are on the verge of passing out.
N- No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)
Like the last letter, I feel like i say it a lot for each character but like anything that’s too gross. Like I think this man might go pretty far. Would probably even try piss stuff once if you really wanted it. So like anything that’s farther than that is a no.
O- Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Would say his preference is giving but in reality it’s receiving. He loves giving head, don’t get me wrong. But he will never turn down you giving him head EVER. There’s just something about how the comepletely falls apart when your mouth is on him. He could cry from how thankful he is that you’re willing to do this for him.
Giving head I would say he’s decent and get better every time. He strives for greatness(lmao like he’s an elite employee) when it comes to getting you to cum. He will always try new techniques in order to get you cumming quicker each time. He wants you to feel the best he can make you feel.
Q- Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc)
LOVES THEM. COMPLETELY!!!! Wants to be in you all day every day, and if quickies are the way to do it before he can have you all to himself, well, guess you’re gonna have a lot of quickies throughout the day. Oh well!
R-Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks?)
Like I mentioned earlier, Seb has a bit of an exhibitionist kink, it’s more that he wants to show off that he gets to fuck YOU. Like look at my hot significant other, rather than showing off his skills or himself. He doesn’t really want people to watch at all(unless it’s like Sam who he’s cool with watching) but like he does wish that people knew that he somehow bagged the hottest person alive(you). So he’ll fuck you in semi public. Like at the lakeside in the middle of the night, or in his room when he knows everyone is awake
And yes he is always game to experiment. If it’s going to make the experience better for both of you, his thought process is: why not? Willing to try almost everything once.
T- Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
I think he probably owned like a vibrating cock ring or a pocket pussy or a tenga egg or something while he was single. Now that he has you he rarely uses those things anymore unless you want him to incorporate it into sex.
Will buy toys for you, and if you buy toys for him he won’t object. Likes using them during sex, even if he doesn’t think y’all need them.
U- Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Likes to tease a decent amount, especially the more confident he gets. Will tease and laugh at you(in a mean but good way) if you’re begging or crying or something. Gives in if you beg just right though. He’s a menace not evil.
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lucy-the-demon · 6 months
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Here's a incorrect Stardew valley quote for you, had to make this before I went to bed
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I hope you like this
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frozenoj · 20 days
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Sebastian Stardew Valley did you write this
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sdv-iq · 10 months
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Pierre: So let me get this straight-
Sam: More like let me run this bi you
Abigail: Let’s see how this pans out
Sebastian: Let me ace-ess the situation
The Farmer: I’m gay
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stardew-and-cozycore · 3 months
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Nicknames the bachelors/backelorettes would give the farmer:
Sam: darling, sweetie, honey, baby, love. Very innocent and traditional nicknames said with the same tone as everything else he says UNLESS it's after 9pm and you're cuddling.
Abigail: sweet cheeks, hot mama, babe, hoe, chickie. She'd smack your ass and kiss your cheek after every nickname.
Harvey: dearest, love bug, pookie bear. Basic but cute. He secretly watches rom coms and steals the weirdest and cheesiest names from them.
Shane: chickadee, sunshine, bro. He just gives off washed up frat boy vibes to me but he'd say them all with a smile at least.
Penny: darling, dear, honey, lovely. She just adores you and will call you all these and their Latin equivalents.
Sebastian: boudica, babe, mami, my moon and stars. Firstly, if you don't know who boudica is, she led an army against the Romans and was a great warrior and I feel like he'd definitely know this and call you this after you get back tired from the mines.
Alex: bae, dove, big L (L for love), broski. He's a little awkward and brags too much about having romantic attention to have actually been in a relationship.
Maru: Einstein, honeydew, dew drop, diamond, flower. She's just adorable and is going to give you the most adorable and meaningful nicknames.
Haley: bae, baby, babe, bitch, whore, love, gorgeous, kitten, girlie, sunflower. All said with soooo much excitement. You are literally her favorite thing in the whole world and how she says all these it's obvious.
Elliot: my love, darling, goddess, the most gorgeous muse, angel, ethereal rose, my heart, melita (little honey in Latin cus you know he's fluent in it). He will say the most gorgeous names to you while carefully tucking stray hair out of your face. He's so calm and caring and sweet and will recite to you ancient Latin poems while cooking you dinner.
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genericb34ns · 5 days
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yeapples · 1 month
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i made a new save file to fully experience 1.6. here’s a farmer redesign (click for better quality if you’re on the mobile app… 🙁)
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she goes by ruru. she has rbf. she’s an aspiring crazy cat lady and she has no concern for her well being
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ok that’s it ty
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forbiddenmoss · 18 days
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The gang fucked something up
Sebastian: oh shit we need an adult
Abigail: we can't ask our parents! Pierre would ground me for life and if demetirus didn't kill us all first!!!!
Sam: wait I know a guy
Banging in Marnie's door at 4am: SHAAAAAÀaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!
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stardewgay · 1 year
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hadraws-11 · 1 year
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Yeah, I’m pretty normal about him.
[Twitter]
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