#i'm generally actually feeling really good about it
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Clownfall: the Election Cometh
It's a long one, lads. Buckle up, get comfy, but the circus is in town for its final run. Ambient music as you read can be found here or here, take your pick. Get popcorn. Get snacks and water and a blanket.
Are you sitting comfortably?
Wednesday 22nd May
7.12am
Household favourite and queen of our hearts Pippa Crerar of the Guardian (her who did the investigative journalism that revealed PartyGate to the world) reports that UK inflation fell to a mere, paltry 2.3% in April. The lowest level in three years! Huzzah! But … still smaller than the decline that was expected.
Nonetheless, Rishi Sunak and Jeremy Cunt whoops I'm so sorry I meant Cunt haha whoops said it again make a big fuss about how brilliant this news is, and how it shows that they are Good At Maffs after all that trouble with Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng, who defined themselves as being Good At Maffs and then obliterated the economy in a single day. Remember that! Good times. But hey, look, THIS PM/Grand Vizier combo are great at this! Inflation has fallen! Stop looking at the predicted rate! A fall is still a fall!
Crerar wonders whether people will actually feel better off, though – prices and mortgage rates are still high, after all. Food for thought.
10.04am
Jeremy Hunt is asked on the Today programme whether Sunak will call a general election.
Now, the logic here is that the government is likely to do better in an election if the economy’s improving; which, SunakCunt are now shrieking from the rooftops. So, is now the time? It's a win, and they've had so few of those, but historically people really do like to fall for the right wing = better economy myth...
BUT – the Tories are doing so very badly in the polls. Journalists favour the idea of an autumn election. Tories do better when the weather’s bad, because fewer people go out and vote.
“Well that’s a matter for the prime minister, it’s not a matter for me,” says Cunt.
... Well. Not ruling it out, then? Diddorol.
10.30am
It's Wednesday, aka the date that Tory cabinet ministers have their weekly meeting. They are duly sent the agenda.
There is no mention at all of an election announcement, nor any plan for an election.
Fair enough! 'Twas an idle thought. Plus, it would actually be bad timing from a logistical perspective - David Cameron, Foreign Secretary and Bae of Pigs, is currently flying out to Albania for an important international meeting, and Jeremy Cunt is on TV all day today - ITV next.
12.18pm
Sunak is asked at Prime Minister’s Questions whether he’ll call a general election. He doesn’t rule it out.
12.56pm
Fun tweet alert!
2.31pm
Pippa Crerar asked Sunak’s press secretary whether he was calling an election. She refused to comment.
Surely it’s a terrible time to call an election! Everyone hates them! But suddenly …
A Cabinet meeting is scheduled for 4.15pm. David Hameron suddenly u-turns in Albania and comes straight back home, his meeting un-met. Jeremy Cunt cancels his ITV appearance. The afternoon meeting is cancelled. Number 10 stops responding to journalists. Manifesto work has stepped up. Sunak’s chief-of-staff is spotted wearing a suit and tie WHICH IS UNUSUAL. Senior ministers have spent the last few days doubling down on dividing lines. And Tory bosses had a meeting this week to discuss how much money they could spend before a summer election.
The UK press sense blood in the water.
3pm
Okay.
There’s something you need to understand:
People suspect Rishi Sunak doesn’t actually want to live in the UK. He’d prefer to be in California. He’s here because he’s an MP.
You need to know this to understand this truly historic incident.
Nadine Dorries has produced a good tweet.
...
...
...
No, we all need to sit with this one for a minute
(For the record... to us, that is an excellent joke. But I strongly suspect she wasn't joking and was trying to make a catty accusation instead, which coincidentally appeared like a roast.
Scientists are referring to this as Stopped Clock Syndrome.)
5.17pm
With great dignity, Rishi Sunak stands outside Number 10 and announces a general election on 4 July.
And by “great dignity”, I mean he’s soaked by rain, while “Things Can Only Get Better” plays in the background courtesy of an anti-Tory protestor with a big speaker and a dream; the song adopted by he Labour Party for the 1997 election, where Tony Blair famously won a landslide victory after 18 years of Tory rule. Eventually, the volume of it is raised so high Sunak is, on more than one level, drowned out.
5.37pm
According to Gabriel Pogrund of the Times, Labour can’t believe Number 10 allowed this to happen.
One Labour insider texts: “Umbrellas are woke”
6.06pm
Good tweet alert!
8pm
A later Guardian article reports that Sunak greeted around a hundred Tory activists – still wearing the same rain-soaked trousers from the announcement.
No word at all on why he doesn't have aides capable of fetching him dry trousers. Perhaps those, too, are woke.
8.14pm
A Sky News reporter is at Sunak’s campaign launch. But, bafflingly, he’s forcibly removed. Extraordinary scenes
Elanor's Pro Tip: Removing a journalist may not be the best PR move for the start of an election trail.
8.27pm
9.36pm
A GBNews reporter claims that some Tory MPs are trying desperately to replace Sunak as leader in order to call off the general election. For this to work, they’d need a vote of no confidence before the dissolution of parliament on Thursday 30 May. Except actually, that would have to happen before the proroguing of parliament on Friday 24 May.
So … this won’t work. But how very incredible - and hilarious - that they’re trying.
10.39pm
Let's take a look at the evening headlines!
A great start to Sunak’s campaign, with newspapers - including the Tory giant The Telegraph - celebrating the triumphant launch of his campaign:
Well! WHAT a day! Let's see how Thursday goes.
Thursday 23 May
8.00am
The BBC takes a moment to gleefully throw off the shackles of political oppression of the last 12 years to reveal that Rishi Sunak's announcement of a July election, the single most important announcement for a sitting government, the most sensitive and vitally-timed event in their calendar...
Was a total surprise to the rest of the party.
Tory party MPs found out when we did that they were about to have to campaign again. For a snap GE. Three weeks after having just done it for the council elections, in which they experienced the greatest single loss of their councillors in history. Even the damn meeting agenda was fake.
Still. Perhaps this explains the lack of umbrella or trousers.
9.09am
Nigel Farage confirms he will NOT stand at the general election.
*pause for applause*
That’s because he’s helping Trump get re-elected in the US right now.
*pause for screams*
This is good news for the Tories! And the rest of Britain, actually (commiserations to America. Please shoot him). Farage’s right-wing populist party - Reform UK - is the spiritual successor to UKIP and the Brexit Party, who’ve been splitting the right-wing vote for years. Farage is popular; it’s bad news for Reform if he’s not part of their campaign, but simply fantastic news for those of us who think queer folks, women and people of colour deserve human rights.
9.19am
According to BBC News and others, Sunak has hired Isaac Levido, the election strategist behind the Tories’ landslide win in 2019. Levido knows his stuff, and advised Sunak to stick with an autumn election.
Sunak ignored this advice. Lol.
9.20am
In the Guardian, Sunak says there WON’T be planes of immigrants flying to Rwanda before the general election. Good news for those of us who think it’s monstrous to deport immigrants to countries with unsafe governments. Bad news for Tory voters who were hoping to get racists to vote for them.
Now, this is particularly funny, because promising to deport refugees to Rwanda in spite of overwhelming legal opposition on human rights grounds is probably the single hill that the Tories have chosen to commit genocide on. This bill has been in and out of every court in the land since they promised it in 2019. It's been on again off again more than a tawdry tabloid romance. But, they finally managed to push it through, and the first planes were set to fly in July.
This means! That Sunak's strongest cards going into the election were the drop in inflation, and the Rwanda bill. He could sell it as "In spite of those bleeding heart liberals, we persevered and managed to tenaciously get rid of these browns and thus fulfilled our promise", and the fact that it won't actually affect the immigration numbers wouldn't be clear until after the election. And make no mistake, it is VITAL that those planes fly before any election - quoth one influential Conservative MP on the right of the party to the BBC:
“I know what question you’re going to ask us again and again. "You’ll say we’ve been banging on about Rwanda for years and we’ve only managed to fly one migrant out there - and we paid him to go”.
It took a single day for that gamble to dramatically fail.
Lol. Lmao, even. One might almost say rofl.
9.21am
Sunak is emphasising his own role in managing the economy.
The Guardian’s Rowena Mason points out that it might be better to sell this as a Tory victory rather than a Sunak victory, considering how badly Sunak’s doing as an individual in the polls.
10.45am
I'm obviously giving a lot of attention here to the funniest and most ridiculous stuff, but let’s take a moment to celebrate some genuinely brilliant journalism:
0_o
The whole article’s worth reading. It confirms that at least one more hi-vis wearer was a Tory councillor in disguise (in this case Ben Hall-Evans). Perhaps this is why they started by removing all the real journalists.
12.42pm
Sunak’s campaign takes him to a brewery in Wales! He attempts some Bonding With The Working Man and asks the workers if they’re excited for the football.
Top tip: if you don’t realise the country you’re in hasn’t qualified for the Euros, maybe don’t even mention the subject.
6.55pm
... here is a new problem. Ish.
As mentioned, three weeks ago, England held local council elections. In that time, the Tories lost over half their councillors; an unprecedented and staggering loss in one event. We are all still bathing in the schadenfreude.
But, many of those then left the party (probably fairly, actually - monsters though Tories are, that cannot have been fun.) But, the way politics in the UK works is that when you vote, you don't vote for the party - you vote for your local representative, and then it's a numbers game as to which party gets to rule. This means, with this sudden last-minute possibly-impulsively-declared-by-one-soggy-madman election now six weeks away, those candidates all need replacing so that the Tories will have a shot at getting the numbers they need to form a majority government.
Channel 4’s Paul McNamara reports that Conservative HQ have emailed asking for candidates in almost 100 seats. The deadline’s tight for this – and apparently, joining the lengthening list of people who weren't informed of this stupid election plan, Tory associations are livid at being left so unprepared.
Now, a lot of these seats are Labour strongholds, so you don’t necessarily need more than a token Tory candidate for them. Phew! A great relief.
But some of them are actually good Tory seats. Uh oh! Basildon, Bury St Edmunds, Wellingborough and Rushden … It’s a bad hit to the Tories to have so little time to find good candidates for these seats.
8.59pm
Labour launch a campaign video. It’s long, but the message is, “Remember life before the Tories got into power? Wasn’t it BRILLIANT?”
And to prove how great 2009 was, they’ve included a clip of David Tennant’s Dr Who saying “I don’t want to go.”
Lol.
9.57pm
Filmmaker Richard Cubitt jokily suggests he could stand as a Tory candidate, and immediately defect to Labour as soon as possible once elected.
I don’t know if the deadline’s closed, but I am now speaking to the chat. Lads: the time will never be better. Do it. Tell the Tories you'll stand for them. Immediately defect. You have the opportunity to do the funniest thing. Be the rot in the barrel. The time is now.
ANYWAY. Oh boy. Day one of campaigning was quite bad. Ah well! Onwards and upwards for Wali Heb Broli. Let's see what Friday brings.
And of course: the losses are staggering (100 candidates!), but it could be worse.
At least it's not senior MPs.
Friday 24 May
7.00am
Over 70 MPs confirm they will not be standing for re-election.
7.35am
It’ll be lovely to see this election get rid of some truly awful Tories. But no need to wait that long! John Redwood stands down. I haven't mentioned him before, but let's look at his clownface eggshell.
He opposed reducing the age of consent for homosexuality in 1994 and 1999, he voted to keep Section 28 in 2003, he opposed same sex marriage, he voted to reintroduce the death penalty in 1988, 1990 and 1994, he’s argued against Greta Thunberg over the UK’s climate emissions.
Although English, he became Secretary of State for Wales in 1993, and at a Tory conference, had to mime badly to the Welsh national anthem which he hadn’t bothered learning. In 1995, he cheated Wales out of a £100 million grant by returning it unspent to the treasury, so it could go back to England.
So, John – if by some fantastically rare chance you’re somehow reading this – it’s wonderful to see you step down. I wish you a very warm fuck you. And I hope the rest of your life is absolutely horrible and filled with immeasurable pain. Kisses.
7.58am
Vicky Spratt of the i newspaper announces that, with an election announced, the Renters’ Reform won’t pass.
This is a big deal, actually - this was a rare good promise in the Tories’ 2019 manifesto to protect renters by ending no-fault evictions. A good promise! With cross-parliamentary support, only slowed as much as it was because most Tory backbenchers are landlords and so tried to block it. But the fighting raged on, and it was finally agreed.
And now it’s broken. Wasting months of work by stakeholders, and thus forming another election promise that would have sailed through if only the election hadn't been called for July.
8.09am
Jeremy Corbyn – remember him? Former Labour leader, who was expelled from the Labour party in 2020 – confirms he’ll be standing as an independent. He’s continued to be a member of Labour despite being an independent MP – but standing against Labour in an election means he’ll have his membership revoked too.
9.26am
So where are we at? How do you reckon the normal Tories in the party are faring? Do you think they're positive of a win? Do you think they expect to lose?
Great Guardian article here:
Highlights - one government minister happened to bump into his equivalent opposition member, and immediately thrust his official folder towards them, saying, “You might as well have this now.”
Another Tory MP hugged a Labour colleague and cast their arm around the room. “Good luck. This is all yours.”
One Tory backbencher was asked if it was a good idea to call an election. “It’s a disaster. I can’t understand it.”
Even when they’re being optimistic, the Tories seem a little glum. One long-standing MP said: “Of course I’m going to fight it, I don’t believe in just giving up like the prime minister has obviously decided to.”
A former minister raises an interesting point. It’s not long, after all, since the Tories suffered those major defeats at the local council elections. That's impacted the number of candidates, of course - but, local canvassing is largely done, on all parts of the political spectrum, but activist volunteers.
That loss was three weeks ago. If you were a volunteer who just spent weeks knocking on the doors of your neighbours and community, trying to convince them to vote for the dead horse, and then lost – maybe you won’t feel like hitting the streets again so soon. Maybe you'd prefer to be able to meet your neighbours' eyes when you bump into them in the bread slicing queue at Morrisons.
Some MPs have even admitted they won’t be cancelling holiday plans to fight the election. On top of that, there's over 70 MPs that have already confirmed they’re quitting and won’t be seeking re-election!!! Absolute scenes.
Interestingly, some anti-Sunak Tories report frustration. They reckon they were close to calling a vote of no-confidence, in the hopes of replacing Sunak with a different leader. No idea if this is true – and if true, whether Sunak knew it. But given the panicked speed at which it seems to have been called...
11.08am
The campaign takes Rishi Sunak to the Titanic Quarter, to be interviewed by Belfast Live.
Elanor's Pro Tip: if you’re the leader of a failing political party, maybe don’t let journalists interview you on a site named after history’s most famous sinking ship.
11.57am
How’s the campaign going, Rishi?
Oh, Rishi. Looks like someone else is not meeting anyone's eyes in the bread-slicing queue.
1.12pm
Politics UK reports that 75 Tory MPs are now standing down at the election – the same number of Tories who stood down ahead of the 1997 election.
2.49pm
Sunak’s campaign takes him on board an aeroplane.
Elanor's Pro Tip: if you’re the leader of a failing political party, maybe don’t be photographed in front of an exit sign.
7.07pm
MICHAEL GOVE ANNOUNCES HE’S STANDING DOWN AS AN MP!
I could honestly use that gif like seventeen times in this write up. You can all thank me for my restraint in choosing just one.
The 79th Tory to do so at this election – an all-time record exodus. Hey gang, would you like to see some familiar names joining him in this?
Theresa May
Sajid Javid
Dominic Raab
Matt Hancock
Ben Wallace
Nadhim Zahawi.
It’s just … not a great sign for the party, is it? That so many prominent MPs don’t reckon it’s worth sticking around.
7.50pm
Hey, remember those parody videos of Hitler getting angry with funny subtitles? Someone made a good Sunak one:
vimeo
10.48pm
The Guardian’s Kiran Stacey reports that Sunak will retreat from the campaign trail, spending the next day at home.
Honestly... that's probably best. Let him recover from the bread excitement.
10.50pm
We round off the day with Andrea Leadsom announcing she too is standing down as an MP. Bye, bitch.
WHAT A DAY! Still, Saturday will probably be better.
Saturday 25 May
12am
New episode of Doctor Who drops! It contains Welsh faeries. I later write a post explaining this. You're all welcome. Back to the circus.
10.06am
Good tweet alert!
11.14am
Keir Starmer promises to lower the voting age from 18 to 16 if he wins the election.
2.43pm
Hey remember how David Hameron was supposed to be in Albania? And actually went there? And then had to come back because of Rishi's totally-planned-for election announcement?
The Mirror reports that David Cameron spent £60,000 of taxpayers’ money getting to Albania for that trip. He was there for 89 minutes, before he had to come back in light of the general election announcement.
This means it cost the country £674 a minute for Cameron to be in Albania for about as long as it takes to watch The Lion King.
6.14pm
Labour and the Tories put candidates forward for 650 seats in a general election.
Of course, that's not quite all of them. The Times’ Patrick Maguire understands that Labour have only 13 candidates left to select, which is pretty good. The Tories are missing slightly more than that.
They need to find around 190.
(The number is rising. Chat, you know what to do.)
9.29pm
According to the Telegraph, Theresa May has said if she was still PM she would have used an umbrella to declare the election.
She probably would have, too.
10.11pm
Now then!!! Gather round boys and girls and all the rest!
Remember: the election was called based upon the following main cards in Sunak's hand:
The Rwanda bill
Inflation falling
The Renter's Reform Bill
Inflation fell, but not by as much as it should have. The Rwanda plan fell through a day later. The election itself has blocked the Renter's Reform bill.
Rishi needs a new set of promises stat, in order to shore up votes from his most important bastions of support. What can he offer?
The evening brings the answer!
At 10.11pm - note the time - in spite of having taken the day off, Sunak promises mandatory national service for every 18 year old if he wins the election. Either a year-long army placement, or a weekend a month volunteering for a year.
Sounds like a good pledge, if you’re hoping to motivate 18-year-olds to vote against you.
10.16pm
The Financial Times’ Jim Pickard reveals that the National Citizen Service (David Cameron’s legacy project) had its funding slashed by two-thirds in a 2022 review of government youth funding - when the chancellor was Rishi Sunak.
Five minutes. That’s how long it took a journalist to melt Sunak’s new pledge.
Still; Tories never let facts get in the way.
10.27pm
Politics UK reports that leaked documents suggest teenagers would be jailed for refusing this national service.
11.47pm
Sunak's bad ideas generator works hard, but the meme makers of the internet work harder:
Still. Sunday is a day of rest! Hopefully Sunday will be better.
Sunday 26 May
9.50am
Let’s check the Sunday tweets.
Starting to think whoever is in charge of optics for Rishi Sunak may be a Labour plant.
10.21am
Fantastic tweet alert:
I Agree With Gabby
3pm
And then... PLOT TWIST!!!
FT’s Lucy Fisher reports that Sunak’s national service pledge - including assigning up to 30,000 18-year-olds to the military - was rejected this week by one of his own defence ministers.
Defence personnel minister Andrew Murrison warned of a hit to morale, headcount and resources if “potentially unwilling national service recruits” were introduced alongside Britain’s professional armed forces.
EVEN THE ARMY DON'T WANT THIS.
6.47pm
And then:
Incredible story from Gabriel Pogrund of the Times.
St Paul’s School, if you haven't heard of it, is an expensive and famous private school in England somewhere (I forget where and don't care). As with other private schools, they’d be subject post-election to a Labour plan to remove their VAT exemption.
Tory MP Greg Hands took matters into his own Greg hands, and messaged the school’s parents’ WhatsApp group to try and drum up anti-Labour sentiment.
I can see the logic. These are parents with money, who have chosen to send their children to a private school that often means an easy track into politics generally and the Tory party specifically. I see why he thought he was safe.
Tumblrs, he was not safe.
Parents intervened, complaining about Hands spamming the chat, and claiming his use of the chat was “inappropriate”.
One parent messaged: “Can we stop assuming everyone is a Tory in this group. A return to more morality, less corruption and more social conscience in British politics is not something to oppose necessarily.”
Another expressed that some parents will “feel it is hard to defend private schools being vat exempt.”
Ouch. Swing and a miss, Greg Hands.
Anyway. New week, new campaigning. I am writing this on Tuesday, and so our tale is nearly at an end for now; so let's see what happened on Monday.
Monday 27 May (Yesterday)
7.40am
Britain's teenagers respond to the national service plan. I love this tweet and the video it reposts:
And here, for your viewing pleasure, is the video:
8.17am
Tory MP Steve Baker (more on him later) actually tweets a public criticism of Sunak’s national service plan. You might be thinking "Well yes, obviously"! But no! For you see, when approaching elections, parties need to be united. Divided parties generally find it harder to win elections.
Naughty Steve.
8.41am
Foreign Office Minister Anne-Marie Trevelyan, having seen the absolute shambles of Sunak’s campaigning, wakes up this fine Monday morn and invites him to hold her beer.
Appearing on Times Radio, she’s asked whether the parents of teenagers could be prosecuted if the teens refuse to take up national service.
And she doesn’t rule it out.
NO BUT WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ANNE-MARIE. IS THIS YOUR FIRST DAY OUT OF THE HOUSE.
Parents are NOT prosecuted for any wrongdoing of their ADULT CHILDREN. How do you not understand this basic legal concept. The answer to that question was “no”! You say “no” because it makes your party more likely to be elected, and you say “no” because the answer is no.
Oh dear. What a gaffe, as the papers say. Gosh, I really hope Anne-Marie Trevelyan’s gaffe stays contained.
8.56am
The Telegraph duly reports that parents of 18-year-olds might be fined if their children refuse national service.
Anne-Marie Trevelyan’s gaffe did not stay contained.
10.55am
Looks like the Tories are unhappy that the press revealed that Sunak took a day off from campaigning.
But that’s okay, they have a new strategy! Reported by Politico, they’ve decided to suggest that Keir Starmer is too old to be a good Prime Minister.
They called him “weary” yesterday afternoon;
Tory Party Chair Richard Holden says it’s “bizarre” for Starmer to rest at home the day before a speech (but not for Rishi to - ? You know what, never mind);
A Tory aide tells the Sun that Starmer should be dubbed “Sir Sleepy” (what a Zinger, as those conscripted into national service say);
Another Tory aide calls Starmer “Sleepy Keir” according to the FT.
Keir Starmer is 61 years old.
11.17am
Let's check Tory candidate numbers!!!
Now last we looked it was 190, but obviously, as this is possibly their most urgent priority, they've been working flat out and recruiting across the land and so they have, fair play, managed to reduce that number.
The Spectator therefore reports that the Tories have 12 days to select 160 candidates. Would you like to see the maths?
This means, on average, they need to select one candidate every 100 minutes. Which is slightly less time than it takes to watch Toy Story 3.
#ChatYouKnowWhatToDo
12.41pm
The FT’s Lucy Fisher reports that Tory HQ has accidentally sent out an email criticising Tory MPs for failing to campaign, and warning of financial concerns in some seats.
Cannot stress this enough: even if the Tory campaign was going really well and they were predicting a landslide their way, this would be a terrible blow.
5.02pm
The Mirror reports that Tory MP Steve Baker is on holiday in Greece. That’s pretty irresponsible, isn’t it? What does Baker have to say for himself?
"The Prime Minister told everyone we could go on holiday and then called a snap election. So I've chosen to do my campaign work in Greece."
… this is the greatest Tory campaign in history.
(And once again... when exactly did you decide to do this, Rishi?)
5.15pm
In an absolutely baffling move whose motives I still cannot entirely fathom, Tory MP Lucy Allan - a repugnant, malignant liar of a woman who once altered an email from a constituent so she could claim it contained a death threat against her - is suspended by the party, for telling voters in her ward to vote for Reform UK instead of the Tories.
...
...
...
...wwwhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
6.18pm
Good tweet alert! Here's political journalist Jonn Elledge:
6.30pm
Meanwhile, a Tory chooses to contact journalist Theo Usherwood over WhatsApp, criticising the election strategist Isaac Levido:
Now this is particularly interesting, because Levido is the guy who managed to swing the last GE to BlowJo, even though Labour were riding high on Corbyn. And I don't know, maybe he is actually shit at this and all that was luck.
I just... wouldn't have said he was the reason for this one going the way it is. Necessarily.
Finally, let's finish off Monday with a last good tweet:
10.06pm
***
That's all for now, folks! Thank you for reading, enjoy the circus playing out this week!
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I know you’re not working on any askblog things but will the sparklecare askblog ever return?
i've thought about this a lot, semi-recently. sorry for long post, i had a lot to say
see, the issue with asksparklecare is the fact it's supposed to "go along with canon events" and a lot of the time, the arcs will just abruptly end or change with no real connection between them. haunted was sort of my first attempt at putting a "story" on there, then again with the kissmas comic from 2021.
when i started cometcare for example, i wanted to take the generic "ask blog" format and turn it into a coherent, cohesive connecting story that just had interactive elements to make it engaging with readers as opposed to just making people ask the characters questions aimlessly. the main ask blog never really had that entirely, it was just sort of the classic 2010s-style ask blog, this is apparent in basically every arc on there.
it's stumped me quite a bit because now that i have this very different style of ask blog storytelling, the original ask blog feels weird to go back to and i don't feel the same passion or connection with it that i once did. it's a little bit frustrating. i tried to do an arc about the side patients but as you guys saw, i never even did it because i felt so out of touch with that old format of ask blog posts and i couldn't bring myself to work on it at all.
cometcare and darkermatters both have Stories to them, and each arc has a plot that is moved on by readers- even if i already have it written out, there are little things people can influence through the asks and it's a good way for introducing new characters or expanding on characters who we've already met. several times cometcare will return to specific characters to relay information or new details or exposition or something that their initial introduction didn't have.
it's a much more fun process for me to write actual stories in my AU blogs, instead of just....making the characters talk. and another thing- going alongside the main comic has problems, because sometimes there's information i can only reveal in the comic itself, and it's hard to keep up with it in general.
i enjoyed doing the kissmas comic because i got to do a "story" even if it wasn't interactive. i had fun repeating the concept on cometcare last december with help of the crew.
i'm sort of at a loss of what to do with the main ask blog at this point. as much as i miss doing stuff like that for main comic, i just don't find it FUN to do it that way anymore, i've become too attached to the storytelling aspects of my other ask blogs and it just doesn't feel the same exciting experience of watching people react to events and such.
if anyone has suggestions about what i should do with the main ask blog to solve this problem i'm open to hearing them, it would be nice to have some ideas because i'm really not sure what i want to do with it.
there was a time i had the idea of doing a backstory ask blog as an alternate main canon interactive story that followed similar mechanics as cometcare and darkermatters, but idk if everyone would be interested in that. that would probably be a separate thing if i ever did it.
thoughts, opinions, suggestions and ideas are all welcome in the replies or my inbox, i would love to have your guys' input since im making content you all would be engaging with after all
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Down To Clown - M.YG
💦Who; Min Yoongi (BTS) x reader
💦What; Smut, producer/idol au/verse idk
💦Wordcount; 14kish
💦Warnings; they are both bi/pan, profanity, dirty talk, switch yoongi, switch reader, anal fingering(m), crying with pleasure, coming untouched, sex toys, lingerie, oral (m&f), marks, pegging, anal sex, multiple orgasms, oral fixation, biting, fingering, mentions of being infertile through choice, sex without a condom, penetrative sex, piv sex, cockwarming, somnophilia, choking, squirting, minor blood, mentions of knife play(it is not explored in this story)
Summary;
You ask to finger one of your closest friends, he says yes and things get real fun after that.
Minors do NOT interact, which means liking/reblogging/commenting on this story. I WILL block any account that interacts without an age indicator in the bio.
-2024 Masterlist-
A/N- this was actually started 3 years ago with an OC so that i could get out my fantasy of topping yoongles, which means this was extremely self-indulgent. I just want to make Yoongi cry okay
I've edited to the best of my abilities to change it from an OC to reader but if I've missed any pieces, pretend otherwise, thanks <3
@wonuvs enjoy, sweetheart 💖
The dark-haired rapper looks over exasperatedly at the third call of his name. "What?" He huffs when you don't say anything from where you're sitting cross-legged on the couch and instead chooses to hold his gaze with wide, round eyes that he would call innocent if he didn't know you better than that by now.
"You've been with guys, right?" You question slowly.
"Yeah?"
"And you've bottomed?"
"You already know this. Get to the point."
"I'm working on it," You pout, absently tracing your fingers over the strings of the guitar laid across your lap. "So you've had fingers in your ass?"
"Jesus, what the fuck?" He sputters in genuine shock at your out-of-the-blue question.
"You said get to the point!"
"I didn't think it would be about my ass,"
"It's not, really, just…asses in general. The male ass. With fingers. Guys getting fingered."
"Were you watching porn while hanging out with me?" He deadpans unimpressed.
"No." He gives you a disbelieving look. "Well not intentionally. I was on Twitter minding my own business and suddenly, bam! There was a gif of a guy getting fingered,"
"So you decided to watch it?"
"Yes,"
"Despite the fact that you claim to not watch porn?"
"I don't. Never been interested." You shrug and as much as Yoongi wants to argue and point out that people who aren't interested in porn don't watch porn gifs, he can't because he can see that you are being entirely honest.
"Right, okay." He lets out a breath, it sounds suspiciously like an exasperated sigh. "So you watched this gif and decided to bring up my sex life?"
"Well, I've always been curious about fingering a guy like, what it feels like and the prostate sounds interesting like can you actually feel it? It's wild, man,"
"You want to finger a guy?" He gawps, surprised by the revelation. You just nod. "Seriously?"
"Yeah. Originally, I just wanted to peg a guy, I wanna know if I'd be any good with a dick and something about fucking a guy is really hot."
"I don't even know what to say," He murmurs truthfully. You shrug and run your hands over the guitar again, which draws his attention. "Well…your nails are short at least." He comments quietly.
"Easier for playing guitar and with myself."
"Holy fuck, you can't just…" He exhales and rubs his hands over his face.
"Sorry. I'm frustrated and my filter always vanishes when I'm like this."
"Frustrated about wanting to finger a guy?" He questions dropping his hands onto his thighs carelessly to look at you again.
"Well, yeah, I guess but I meant sexually frustrated, like horny."
"Fuck me," Yoongi murmurs but due to the lack of activity going on in the room, you hear it loud and clear.
"I don't have a strap-on," You reply with a frown that looks oddly genuine.
"A strap-on…wait I wasn't like asking." He rushes out, cheeks flushed as he understands what you mean.
"Oh," Your frown turns further downwards. "I'd probably be bad anyway."
"I've seen you dance, you can move your hips," He admits gruffly.
"Oh…in that case, your loss. I'd make you cum really good."
"Shut up," Yoongi grunts and shuffles in his seat while diverting his gaze elsewhere.
"Sorry." You remove the guitar from your lap to prop it back on its stand beside the couch without even getting up. Then you stretch out and slouch a little so that you can rest your head on the back of the couch with your bare feet planted firmly on the floor, legs spread in a way that your mother always scolded you for as it is 'unlady like'.
"It's for the best anyway, I don't want to get sexually involved with someone who would just be thinking of someone else the whole time, you know?"
"What? Why are you assuming I'd be doing that?" He squares his eyes almost accusingly at you while crossing his arms over his chest.
"Because you're not attracted to me like that." Your response is simple, easy, as if it is common knowledge; a fact of the world you had learned a long time ago.
"Who says?" You raise a challenging eyebrow. "I'm not blind, you're hot as fuck."
"Doesn't mean you're down to clown though."
"Not if you keep talking like that," He huffs, sitting back further in his chair.
You straighten a little with hope beginning to sparkle in your eyes. "That sounds like you'd at least consider it if I used other phrasing."
Yoongi says nothing and keeps his lips pressed together. The smirk that lifts your lips tells him that he's about to meet a version of you that he has only witnessed in the dreams he will never admit to waking up hard from- sometimes even shaking and coming down from an orgasm.
You sit up until you're fully upright though your legs remain spread and Yoongi hates how it does something for him, how much it does for him. He has never experienced a cocky female that isn't afraid to hold herself in a stereotypical male way and honestly, it's the best of both worlds for him.
"Yoongi, oppa, babyboy," You coo and he scoffs at the final term if only to hide and deny the blush winding up his neck. "Will you let me fuck you? Can I put my fingers in that pretty, perky ass of yours until you cum? Fuck, I bet you'd look so good being edged, so overwhelmed that you can't help but cry and babble absolute fucking nonsense while begging to cum." You murmur out, dark eyes growing heavier by the second.
"Fuck," Yoongi whispers, dick twitching in his boxers.
You don't respond and simply lean your right elbow on the backrest to lean your head against your fist.
You just watch him, waiting; so patient for a response. Almost as if you're playing with him, taunting, teasing, offering him the best seat in the house only if he is brave enough to admit to wanting it and taking the first step.
Part of him is certain that you aren't doing that at all, that you are genuinely just waiting for him to think it over. That you're not willing to rush him or put any pressure on him to answer in a particular way. But a brand new part of him doesn't have a fucking clue what you're capable of in the bedroom.
After a tense handful of moments where you simply hold each other's gaze while Yoongi's mind runs wild hidden safely behind his eyes, he turns back to his desk.
Even though you're disappointed, you had honestly expected as much so you don't stop to sulk or pout and instead reach back towards the guitar. You barely have your hand around the neck when you hear a drawer close a little too forcefully, especially as it's by Yoongi's hand, so you look back up and find that his programs are closed and only a music app is open. You release your grasp on the instrument and settle back to watch curiously.
Yoongi finds a playlist that you two often listen to; something full of smooth beats and low voices. As the first song starts, he gets up and turns. He has something in his hands but it's hidden, at least until he has crossed the small distance between you to toss it onto the couch seat on your right. You can't help but look down to find a little bottle of lube.
"If you're serious about wanting to try, I'm down to clown," He speaks, drawing your attention back. He's nervous and embarrassed, it's obvious to you even if he's trying his best to hide it.
"Most definitely." You nod and straighten up even further before patting your lap firmly. "C'mere."
"You want me on you?"
"You have no idea," You almost snort with your amusement but hold it back. You pat your thigh again with your left hand while your right picks up the bottle.
"Oh right, uh, okay. Uhm, lemme just…" He quickly unzips his jeans to shuffle out of them and kicks them aside before moving forward to press his left knee on the outside of your right thigh. "I'm heavier than I look." He warns while gingerly placing his right knee on the other side of your thighs, one hand pushed against the backrest beside your shoulder for stability.
You roll your eyes and grab his hips to pull his body onto your lap. Yoongi hiccups on an inhale in surprise at the sudden action leaving him perched on your stable thighs with wide eyes.
"I can handle it, don't worry,"
"You should know," He rushes out quickly, causing your hands to halt where they have started to run over his thighs, curious to explore the skin you have never seen exposed on him before. "I already cleaned up, I do every shower-"
"I know."
"H-how?"
"You told me when drunk once that you like to always be prepared to get dicked down. I figured out the rest due to the length of your showers, babe,"
"Oh…right…" He chews on his bottom lip, which almost matches the tint on his cheeks. "Oh well, I was going to say that you should always make sure your guy is cleaned first because you know…asshole."
"Yeah, I got it," You grin and squeeze his thigh a little, supportively, which only makes him jolt. "Are you sure you want to do this, oppa? I really won't be offended if you don't. I don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything."
"No, no, I do. S'just…we've been friends for a while now and I never thought anything like this would happen between us. And I haven't been touched by anyone but myself in so long it kind of feels like the first time."
"I'll go slow."
"I know. I trust you. Wouldn't be doing this otherwise," He huffs out a small laugh.
"I'm glad. I trust you too." You smile at each other for a moment, allowing the moment to get used to what you're planning to do, even only a little.
"So, Mr Min, you're in charge here, I've no fucking clue what I'm doing so you kind of need to lead me."
"Oh, right, yeah," He inhales then pushes up a little to shimmy his boxers down under the crease where his ass meets his thighs, it allows him to keep his crotch hidden by the material just in case his t-shirt doesn't. He isn't quite prepared for one of his closest friends to see his flaccid dick no matter what you're about to get up to.
When he settles back down he's unable to look in your eyes but you don't make him knowing how shy he must feel right now. "So uhm…you can start dry if you want, if you want to feel and get used to touching, just don't try and push in."
"You're okay with that?" He nods and takes the lube to fiddle with the bottle and free your right hand. You wait a second, just in case, before moving your hand around his body to curiously trail your fingers over his smooth ass, humming in approval at the lack of hair at all. "Smooth,"
"Yeah I uhm, I shave," He admits.
"Must be awkward,"
"A little." He sucks on his lip when your fingertip finds his rim and traces over it gently in an almost featherlight touch. "S'weird, right? Girls find it weird usually. For guys to be shaved."
"I don't like body hair on anyone regardless of gender. Wouldn't bother me much if you did have it, just that being hair-free is my preference."
"Does that mean you shave too?" He pointedly glances at your crotch.
"Wax, lasts longer,"
"Oh," He swallows when your left hand leaves his thigh to pluck the bottle from his hands giving him nothing to fiddle with. "I-I thought about trying but uh…seems hard to do alone."
"Yeah, kind of is," You admit, laughing softly and focusing on Yoongi's reactions to the sound of a cap opening and lube squirting out. He lifts his right hand absently to chew on the skin beside his thumb; an anxiety fuelled habit he's working hard to quit.
"Hey," You lean forward to nudge the top of his head with your nose. He lifts it just enough to peer at you. "We can stop, seriously." You offer, tone genuine and soft. He shakes his head and quickly lowers his hand to grasp your shirt as if he has only just realised what he's doing to his poor fingers.
"I want to. Just nervous."
"What usually helps you relax with a partner?"
"Kissing."
"Do you want to kiss?" He blinks a few times before finding his eyes on your lips almost like he has never seen them before. "I'm more than happy to kiss you if it helps, baby,"
"O-okay," He nods.
"No, not okay. Don't just agree with me, this won't work if you're not 100%, Yoongi."
"I am." He nods, firmer and more confidently. "I want to. Wanna kiss you."
"Alright." You agree with a short nod of your own. The syllables almost get sucked back into your throat when Yoongi suddenly surges forward to connect your mouths.
You wait for a few minutes until Yoongi is entirely absorbed in kissing before you press slick fingers against his rim. He jolts and his mouth falters for a second before moving again, slower than before as if he's too busy focusing on what's about to happen compared to what he's doing. You don't blame him.
At first, you just circle his hole curiously until he squirms a little impatiently, and only then do you edge the tip of your index finger inside. Yoongi inhales sharply but doesn't jump or pull away. You wriggle your finger a little before pushing in further.
"You gotta let me know if I hurt you," You warn once your finger is in as far as possible. Yoongi nods and reconnects your lips by grabbing your face and pulling it back to his. You chuckle with amusement against his lips but are more than happy to comply with his wishes.
You start a gentle, curious rhythm of softly prodding around inside punctuated with sliding your finger out then back in.
"M-more," He breathes out in no time at all so you comply, pulling your finger out to return with another beside it. Yoongi lets out a soft moan at the barely there stretch, just a little more pressure at your knuckles that makes him sigh happily.
"It's okay?" You wonder.
"Y-yeah, can go a little faster if you want."
"Okay, baby," You agree, doing as asked knowing it's more of a request than a suggestion. He's too shy to ask for what he wants so you're going to have to read between the lines and you've already mentally prepared yourself for that.
You watch his reactions to your ministrations, his closed eyes and parted lips, as his hips take barely noticeable movements; which you follow to do the best you can for him. And up until this point, you have entirely avoided his prostate. Yoongi assumes it's because you don't know where it is, that you are getting used to everything else first before trying to search for it. But you know where it is and haven't wanted to touch it yet. You wanted Yoongi to genuinely get used to your touch and enjoy it without his prostate being brought in.
When you pull your hand out and away entirely, his eyes open and he frowns at you with a little whine of complaint. "Why'd you stop? Are you finished?"
"No," You laugh and shuffle you both a little so that you can slide your arm in the gap between your spread thighs to reach underneath him and slide your fingers back inside. "This angle is better," You smirk and crook your fingers forward to press directly on his prostate. Yoongi's eyes roll back and he moans loudly. "Right?"
"F-fuck, I-I thought you didn't know…"
"What, where the prostate is?" You laugh as he wriggles on your hands at the attack of your fingertips relentlessly rubbing the sensitive patch. "I know exactly where it is, I've just never put it to use before."
"You su-sure?" His fingers knot in your hair when you wrap your free arm tight around his waist to hold him still, preventing his movements. "Shit, fuck,"
"You like being held still?"
"Fuck off,"
"Oh, really?" Suddenly, you stop your attack and pull out to lean back against the backrest with your elbows resting on the back. You lean your head on your left palm, the clean one, as the lube-slicked hand hangs limply.
"Wh-what?" Yoongi's eyes are wide with betrayal and desperation. "N-no, no, don't stop. Put your fingers back in my ass, come on." He whines, tugging at your arm but you hold it firmly in place making him whine and bounce a little with frustration. "Please?"
"Good boy," Your right hand hovers between your bodies. "More lube," He nods and squirts out a fair amount of lube onto your waiting fingers.
"Three now?"
"You want three?" You hum, sliding your arm back underneath to rub three fingers against his rim. He nods enthusiastically and tries to tilt his hips in a way to make them slide inside but you always move away with a grin.
"You're so mean,"
"I am." He pouts cutely making you giggle. "Okay, baby, I'll play nice." And you do, you slide two fingers back inside to stretch him out a bit more then add the third. "That okay?" You ask, moving carefully to allow him time to get used to it.
"Y-yeah, s'good."
"Yeah?" He nods and circles his hips down against your hand. "Can you cum untouched?"
Yoongi falls still and opens his eyes to look at you; he honestly hadn't even realised that his eyes had closed in the first place. "I've never tried." He admits.
"Can we try? I think it'd be really hot."
"Oh uh, okay," He agrees, cheeks flushing a little darker than the pleasure and slight exertion already has them.
"You can change your mind at any time, okay?"
"I know." He agrees, giving you a shy smile before leaning forward to return his lips to yours, so you straighten up and move your left arm from the back of the couch to wrap back around him.
You let him get used to the rhythm of your slow, deep kiss which you've matched the movements of your fingers and he his hips to, before, without warning, you push in harder and faster. Yoongi hiccups on a breath, which he doesn't have time to regulate before you pull out and repeat the action causing your hand to slap against his ass a little. What follows is a string of whines and groans and swears from Yoongi's open mouth, head tipped back and hips bouncing.
"So good, you're so good," He pants out, on the verge of mindlessness.
"I can be better," You promise. Yoongi's hole clenches at the thought making you groan a little. "You're so fucking hot, Yoongi."
Yoongi gasps and bounces harder feeling his climax nearing. Your fingers curl and rub against his prostate with every thrust and his movements grow more desperate. Your left arm returns around his waist to hold him still and force him to just take it, which causes an almost sob to break from his throat.
"G-gonna cum," He announces, instinctively moving his hand between your bodies but you remove your arm from around his waist to slap his hand away from where he almost has his cock in hand.
"Don't touch."
"Can't help it. Need it." He all but sobs, looking at you with wet, hooded eyes.
"No, you don't."
"But-" He reaches out again and you huff in frustration before pulling your fingers out of his ass. "No! No! No! M'sorry! I'll be good!" He begs. "Don't stop, please."
"I won't, baby, it's okay, I'm going to make you cum," You assure soothingly and press a kiss to his lips while wiping the tears trickling down his ruddy cheeks. "But you're unable to not touch yourself so we need to move."
"M-move?" He sniffles.
"On your back," He nods and scrambles off of your lap to lay on his back on the couch. He kicks off his boxers and spreads his legs ready for you. You admire him for a moment and only move when he wriggles self-consciously. "Sorry. You're so beautiful, you know that?"
"M'not," He huffs looking away as you turn to settle between his thighs on your knees and lay his thighs over your own.
"You are, don't argue with me." He pouts but doesn't argue further which you find very interesting. He has essentially submitted to you and all it took was having his prostate touched.
For a moment, you stop to wonder if he's always that quick to submit or if it's because he trusts you and hasn't been touched by a hand except his own in so long.
After roaming your eyes over his pliant body under you, you decide that it's a thought for later though and wriggle a pillow behind his head to prop him up just a little into a more comfortable position against the armrest.
"Hands above your head, baby." He listens and lifts both arms to lay the backs of his hands against the armrest. When you lean over and cover his wrists with your left hand to pin them down, his eyes blow wide and a shiver runs through his body. "Oh that is a very interesting reaction, sweetheart, we'll have to talk about it later but now," You slide your fingers back into him, loving the way his eyes immediately roll back and his back arches a little as your fingertips drag over his prostate.
In this position, you can't stop Yoongi's hips jerking and doing their best to fuck himself back on your fingers that force consistent full moans from his open mouth that sound like they come from the bottom of his chest.
It's clear when Yoongi's teetering on the edge of his climax as his tone grows higher and his movements more desperate as his arms fight to be freed so that he can touch himself.
"Come on, baby, you can do it. Let me see how messy you can get without your cock being touched, huh? Gonna let me see what good boys can do, hm?" You encourage with your eyes darting all over him, stuck between watching his face and the outline of his cock hidden underneath his t-shirt due to the fact neither of you had thought to move it. You really wish you had pushed it up because the thought of seeing Yoongi cum all over himself probably does a little too much for you to be able to admit.
"M'a good boy," He parrots mindlessly.
"Prove it. Cum for me."
He whines and his legs pull up towards his his torso as his body curls in a little before a loud, long moan tears from his throat while his legs push out and his back arches, pushing his chest towards you with the force of his orgasm surging through his body.
You remove the pressure on his prostate and slow your movements down enough to not overstimulate or hurt yet still ride him through the pleasure with the slow drag.
When he slumps against the seat, chest shuddering with his heavy breaths, you gently remove your fingers making him shudder a little and whimper.
"It's okay, baby, you did so good for me. Such a good boy, thank you." You release his wrists yet he makes no attempt to move, too tired from the most intense orgasm he has ever experienced. "I'm going to get some tissues from your desk, okay? I'll be right back." Yoongi frowns and pouts at the thought of being left yet does nothing else, doesn't even open his eyes until you're back and gently wiping the lube from his ass.
"Hey," You smile up at him when you notice he's more with it again, or at least enough to open his eyes. He pouts further. "What?"
"Kisses,"
"Oh," You giggle and lean over him to press your lips to his.
The kiss is much slower and looser than any before, a clear reflection of how sated and lazy Yoongi feels yet he still wants to kiss and softly lick into your mouth.
When you feel his movements get even slower, almost as if he's falling asleep while making out, you pull back. Yoongi whines and tries to chase your lips but he's back to not even bothering to open his eyes.
"Let me clean you up and then if you're still awake, we can kiss more, okay?" You reason.
"Hm, fine," He slurs sulkily but remains still on the seat, hands above his head as his face turns towards the back of the couch.
"Are you okay with me lifting your t-shirt?" He hums and nods a little and you know that's the most you'll get from him so you gently lift the t-shirt out of the drying mess to hold up and away. You don't even take a second to take in the mess on his skin or his flaccid dick, just quickly and carefully wipe him up as best as you can before tossing out the tissues and returning the bottle of lube to what you hope is the correct desk drawer.
You return to the couch with Yoongi's hoodie and are about to ask him to sit up to change out of the dirty top yet find him snoring softly already. Instead, you shuffle his boxers back up onto his body and settle them snugly against his hips before gently and painstakingly removing the soiled t-shirt. You just about manage to get the hoody on his uncooperative body as he whines and tries to curl back against the cushions every time you almost accidentally rouse him out of his sleep.
Once you're done with your task, you admire his relaxed sleeping features for a moment too long and then settle up to his desk to watch some videos while he sleeps.
During a break in between episodes, you hear shuffling so remove the headphones and turn to find Yoongi shuffling to sit up while rubbing at his eyes. "Sleep well?" You ask softly.
He nods and yawns for good measure before stretching and then finally looking at you. "How long was I sleeping?"
"Couple hours."
"What?!" He baulks. "Why didn't you wake me?"
"Didn't have the heart to, you were pretty fucking exhausted,"
"Oh, uhm," He looks down at himself as the actions previous to his nap return to his mind. "So that happened…did you change me?" He tugs on his hoodie confused.
"Hm yeah, didn't think you'd appreciate waking up with a cum covered t-shirt."
"No yeah, right…thanks." He turns to sit properly and places his feet on the floor.
"So uhm, are you sure you've never done that before?"
"Positive."
"But that was better than tops I've been with."
"Oh, really?" You beam proudly and he hums in confirmation with a nod. "Ah, well maybe it's because their intention isn't to make you feel good but to just get you ready so that they can stick their dicks in you." You suggest.
"Maybe." He shrugs and gets to his feet with a slight wince. "If this is how I feel with just your fingers, you'd destroy me with a dick." He comments while grabbing his jeans from the floor to wobble into. You get up to help steady him so that he doesn't fall on his ass.
"Would you let me?"
"What?"
"Fuck you, if I bought a strap-on?"
"Oh," He nods shyly.
"Words, baby, come on, you know the rules."
"Shut up." He huffs and bats you away while you snigger. You close down what you had been doing on the computer and return to the couch to flop down in a slouch.
"Do you know where to buy one? A strap?" Yoongi glances at you as he buttons his jeans.
"Yep, the place I get my usual stuff from sells some interesting ones."
"I'm honestly concerned about what you mean by interesting."
"Look yourself." You get back up to sit at the desk and open up the adult toy store's website. "Sit," you pat your thighs. Yoongi only hesitates a moment before sitting on your lap so that you can look at the screen together.
"There is no way you're fucking me with that," He deadpans when you point out an honestly obnoxiously huge dildo with ridges.
"Oh, so I can fuck you then?"
"With a normal one, yes." He agrees and moves your hand from the mouse to scroll himself. "Here look, normal." He points to a very basic-looking realistic dildo.
"Boo, boring. At least try a tentacle." He glares at you making you laugh. "Joking. How big do you like?"
"Uhm just average is good."
"Bullshit, you scream size queen to me." Yoongi sputters but doesn't argue. "Find one that looks the best to you."
"This is embarrassing," He whines.
"No, it's not. Be a good boy and pick a cock to be fucked with, Yoongi," You hum against his neck earning a shiver. Yoongi doesn't hesitate to begin intently looking at all the options. "Hm, good boy." You press an approving kiss against his skin and wrap your arms around his waist to squeeze a little. He jolts in surprise but then shuffles a little to settle in your hold.
After a little while of careful consideration, Yoongi shyly points out the one he likes the best and wants to try with you.
"Okay, add it to the basket." So he does. "And now find a smaller one,"
"What?" He looks over his shoulder at you with a confused frown. "Why?"
"Because I've never done this before so I don't want to go in with that one first and hurt you. Start small and build up to it."
"Oh, okay, that's smart." He agrees and returns his attention to the computer. He doesn't take as long to find a smaller dildo and add it to the basket.
"Need a harness now." He murmurs, clicking through to find the right section. "What kind do you want? There's underwear style ones with a connection on the front or ones that are essentially harnesses."
"I don't know. Maybe get one of each style to try?"
"Okay. What size?"
"I don't know, depends on their size guide. I haven't bought lingerie from this site so I don't know what their sizing is like."
"Lingerie?" Yoongi looks at you with interest. "You have lingerie?"
"Yeah."
"Oh…will you wear some for me?"
"You want me to?" He nods. "Okay. We can look on here too and see if there's anything in particular you'd like to see,"
"Why didn't we do this earlier?" Yoongi groans then leans over to kiss you for a moment. "You're the best."
"I know," you giggle and pat his thighs. "Find the size guide."
A few days later, Yoongi finds himself seated at the head of your bed with his back against the headrest watching you unpack the box in front of him.
The order had arrived that morning and you had excitedly texted Yoongi, and he had immediately cleared his evening plans.
As soon as his work day was over, Yoongi rushed home to drop his stuff and shower thoroughly ready, and then quickly made his way to your apartment.
So here he is, both nerves and excitement running through his body knowing that soon, you will be fucking him.
As each item is placed on the bed, Yoongi fidgets more and more. Just seeing the picture of the dildo on the side of the box has his dick plumping up.
He doesn't know it, too busy staring down at all the new items, but you notice his fidgeting and reactions; the pink of his cheeks and the increased frequency of his tongue darting out to wet his lips.
Even though you've only had one session of sexual activity together, you're pretty confident that you've correctly read his body language as rapidly growing arousal.
For a few moments longer, you continue to unpack the large box but pay no attention to it and only watch Yoongi's intent, wide gaze on the items. His obvious arousal is making your own heat up under your skin.
Suddenly, you quickly repack almost everything making Yoongi jerk with concern and make a questioning noise.
"We can look at it after I've fucked you," You declare when Yoongi's confused eyes find your own darkening ones. Yoongi swallows thickly and nods dumbly.
"Do you want me to put anything on?" You ask, motioning to the lingerie that you had left out. Yoongi looks at it, mouth open and genuinely considers it, whether he wants to see the lingerie or get fucked more. "If it helps, I'm wearing a set I already had under this." You point to your outfit of a zipped-up hoodie and basketball shorts. Yoongi swallows again and nods slowly. "What?"
"I wanna see that,"
"Okay," You giggle and toss the lingerie from the mattress into the box before picking the whole thing up and moving it to the floor out of the way.
"I want to try the harness one today, it matches what I'm wearing." You grin excitedly while picking up the box containing the wet-look-style strappy harness.
"Matches?" Yoongi mutters. You hum. "Fuck," You peer up at him through your eyelashes and giggle before pressing one knee onto the mattress and leaning closer to him. "You're going to ruin me, aren't you?" He realises in a mumble.
"I'm certainly going to try," You reply a little breathlessly at the thought. You place your empty hand on his thigh to squeeze a little making his breath hitch and legs jolt, before you lift your hand only to slap his inner thigh gently and dart forward to place a disproportionately sweet peck on his lips.
"I want you as naked as you're comfortable by the time I get back from the bathroom."
"O-Okay," He agrees easily. You grin then lower for a more thorough kiss, one that lingers even when you're out of the room, taking the harness and smaller dildo with you to clean thoroughly. "Fuck," Yoongi exhales and takes a second to gather his wits before getting up to quickly remove all of his clothing except for his boxers; a brand new set of tiny black shorts that does nothing to hide that his dick is hard and trying to escape from the waistband.
Yoongi feels very vulnerable and exposed as he sits there on the bed in nervous wait. He crosses and uncrosses his arms over his chest self-consciously a few times before reaching out to pick up the rather large bottle of anal lube left on the bed.
It's while he's reading the bottle to give himself something to do after removing the packaging so that it can actually be used, that you return sans shorts and with the unpackaged dildo in your hand. You pause at the doorway and stare at him causing him to put the bottle down so that he can fold his arms over his bare chest again.
"Shit, sorry, sorry, fuck, I didn't mean to make you feel self-conscious," You apologise while rushing over. You carefully place the dildo upright on the side table beside the lube bottle before climbing up onto the bed and gently laying your hands over his arms. "You're just so beautiful, oppa, my brain short-circuited seeing you waiting for me on my bed like this. Like holy fucking shit, what kind of saint did I save in a past life to get Min fucking Yoongi waiting on my bed?"
"You don't need to be so dramatic," He huffs, though his cheeks are hot with his blush and he allows you to tug his arms to his sides.
"I'm not," He gives you a disbelieving expression. "I'm not! I swear! I'd never tell you empty words, Yoongi, you mean too much to me for me to ever even consider betraying your trust like that." Your words are so genuine that Yoongi can't help but believe them and accept the truth, making his body warm further understanding that you genuinely think of him in such a way.
"Good," He decides with a shy little nod.
"Did you get the harness on okay?"
You hum and nod, leaning up onto your knees in front of him and lifting your hands to the zipper of your jumper. "Wanna see?"
"Of course I wanna-" He cuts off with a choke when you abruptly open the zipper revealing a glimpse of a crisscross of straps across the revealed skin of your torso. He doesn't even have it in him to curse under his breath when you remove the jumper to toss aside carelessly.
If all of his blood hadn't rushed south and left no brain power behind, Yoongi would seen that you definitely aren't as confident as you have been acting; your hands twitch at your sides and your teeth gently clamp on your bottom lip.
But Yoongi is too hypnotised by your body wrapped in intricate lengths of black, wet-look material that make you look like the present of his wet dreams.
"So?" You ask what feels to you like at least ten minutes later when Yoongi still hasn't done anything but stare jaw dropped at you.
To your relief, your sudden voice snaps Yoongi back to reality and makes him drag his lust-darkened eyes up to yours.
Without a word, he gets up until he's on his knees mirroring you, before taking your face into his hands to kiss heavily. The little noise you can't prevent from escaping your mouth makes Yoongi groan deeply and lower one hand so that he can wrap his arm around your waist and pull you closer while he moves too until you're pressed together.
Feeling the smooth latex under his hand has Yoongi's dick twitching back to life where it's pressed between your bodies. It makes you giggle upon feeling it before pressing your body forward just enough to make Yoongi groan at the pressure.
"I assume that's a good reaction?" You hum breathlessly when the kiss breaks, and you motion to yourself to show that you mean his reaction to how you look.
"You have no idea how sexy you are to me," Yoongi replies a little dumbly making you giggle through your blush. "I'm really fucking glad you got this harness and ignored my hesitation on the wet look. I never knew I was into it until now."
"I have a wet-look dress." You inform. "And I'm going to wear it when we next all go out just to wind you up."
"Please don't make me get hard in public, I'm an idol," He whines. "I can't be caught with a boner,"
"Guess you better learn to control your dick then," You grin and nudge him back.
"Lay down, I really wanna get my hands on your ass as soon as possible, I've been thinking about this non-stop for four days."
"You have?" Yoongi replies while doing as told and moving backwards until he's laid down in the centre of the bed with his head on the pillows. You hum in confirmation while taking the chance to rake your eyes over his body hungrily.
It makes Yoongi's body warm to see how much you like his body, even though he doesn't think it is anything special at all.
"M-me too," He admits, causing you to look up at his face and smile softly at him. He smiles back shyly before bravely reaching down to hook his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers. Your eyes immediately snap down to watch as he slowly pushes his underwear down until he has to lift his hips up to slide them over his ass and to his thighs where you take over and carefully remove the cloth entirely from his body to drop to the floor beside the bed.
And then you look back at him to take him in in his fully nude state. Your cheeks visibly warm and your mouth drops open just enough for your tongue to poke out and prod your bottom lip.
"Can I suck your dick?" You ask bluntly, licking your lips again.
"Really?" You nod and shuffle closer until Yoongi has to spread his legs to allow you to kneel between them with your hands on his smooth thighs. "Y-yeah," He agrees, nodding quickly even if you're entirely enraptured by his erection so don't see his action.
Without hesitation, you lower down onto your left elbow and wrap one hand loosely around his erection just to hold it up and allow you to slide it into your mouth enthusiastically. Yoongi's hips instinctively kick up at the sudden wet warmth and he curses, reaching out to slide his fingers into your hair. You make a happy sound around his length and wiggle your hips as you work him in your mouth, which draws Yoongi's attention to your ass where it's stuck up in the air and showing off your curves in the straps.
"Jesus, fuck," He grunts. "Fucking-fuck-look at you," He breathes out, eyes dragging over your body and down to where your lips are wrapped around his dick, eyes up on him. He swears again. "You need to stop or I'm going to cum," He warns.
You heed his warning and pull off with a soft laugh. "I was there for like ten seconds," You point out amusedly.
He shrugs and looks away embarrassed, only to look back with a gasp when you attach your mouth to his inner thigh to suck a bruise into. "Shit," He chokes, legs shaking a little.
Suddenly overcome with desperation, he reaches out to grab the lube and shove it against your shoulder.
"Hm, okay, baby," You agree, sitting up on your knees again so that you can take the bottle and pump some of the contents onto your fingers. "Do you want it like this or a different position?" You ask, putting the bottle aside on the mattress for when you need it again.
"This," He answers, grabbing a spare pillow to wiggle under his hips. "Wanna see you,"
"Okay," Your smile is happy and you lean down over him to press your lips to his. Yoongi lifts both hands to gently hold your face as you kiss slowly and deeply.
His breath hitches as your wet fingers touch his rim but he doesn't stop kissing you. A little whimper leaves his throat as one finger slowly edges in. You make a curious sound at the much less resistance compared to the last time you had your fingers inside of Yoongi, yet say nothing and add a second.
"Did you already finger yourself?" You ask, unable to stop yourself as you can already add a third.
"Y-yeah," He confirms. "Is that okay? Are you upset?"
"I mean, usually I would definitely like to prep you myself, your ass is the eighth wonder of the world-" He rolls his eyes making you laugh, "But I honestly think it's best to not get me that turned on today so that I can have at least some self-control when fucking you for the first time."
"Fingering me turns you on?" You nod. "Oh, I didn't realise, you seemed normal last time."
"I wanted to focus on you too much to pay attention to it. But after, jeez, I had to watch a very dry show to calm myself back down," You snigger with amusement at the memory.
"M'sorry," You frown confusedly down at him and remove your fingers from his ass. He's about to complain but notices you're reaching for the dildo so instead presses his lips together.
"For what?" You wonder.
"What?"
"You apologised. Why?"
"I fell asleep,"
"Yeah?" Your head tilts down as you look at the harness so that you can attach the dildo properly.
"I didn't get you off," You laugh a little. "What?" He frowns. "Why's that funny?"
"All I wanted was to finger you, I didn't want you to do anything but cum yourself and you definitely did that so I was more than happy with your involvement, oppa, there was nothing else I wanted from that experience."
"So, you didn't want to cum?" He looks at you disbelievingly until you lift your head having successfully attached the toy after a little fiddling.
"It wasn't the plan, no,"
"But did you want to?"
"I mean, I haven't been that turned on in a long time, well until now. But if I wanted to cum, I could've gone and taken care of it while you were asleep. Just because I made you cum, it doesn't mean you owe me one, that's not how this works, Yoon,"
"I know," He mumbles, running his hands down your body to finger the harness until he locates the dildo and can wrap his hand around it and tug, forcing you to get closer between his spread-wide thighs. "But I want to. Wanna make you feel good,"
"You do, trust me, you do," You assure before pressing a sweet, short kiss to his lips. "Can I fuck you now?"
"Definitely," He nods, eyes wide with anticipation.
With excitement in your eyes, you reach down to knock Yoongi's hand from the dildo so that you can apply more than enough lube. Yoongi is staring at you questioningly when you look back up at him.
"What? I like it messy," You giggle shyly and look back down so that you can watch as you guide the toy to Yoongi's awaiting hole.
"You do?" You nod. "Me too," You grin brightly up at him, happy at the shared interest before slowly pushing your hips forward. Yoongi's eyes widen a little and his lips part as he's breached by the toy.
"Okay?" You worry.
"Yeah, keep going," He confirms, looping his fingers into the straps over your hips to pull you towards him at a speed quicker than you would've moved yourself but if anyone knows Yoongi's limits, it's Yoongi himself so you let him.
In no time at all, your hips are pressed flush to him and he's breathing a little heavier at being full. "Fuck me, come on, fuck me," He breathes out encouragingly, removing his fingers from the straps to give you control back and instead press his palms to your waist.
"Okay, baby," You hum, press a kiss to his chest before leaning up onto your haunches and use your hands to press Yoongi's thighs open further.
Yoongi swallows thickly and knows he will never come back from this the same and you haven't even moved yet.
And then you do, slowly dragging back before shoving forward and knocking a moan from Yoongi that he wasn't aware he could produce. You smirk at him before tightening your hold and repeating the action.
"F-fuck," He stammers, gripping the bedding beneath him in an attempt to ground himself. You've only thrust twice and he's already leaking on his stomach.
"Okay?" He nods madly. "Hm, let's get that better," The look on your face is a little dark and very determined and Yoongi keens before you've even pulled back out.
This time, you adjust your position a little to get yourself better leverage to essentially pull back and then pound into Yoongi while simultaneously rolling your hips and causing Yoongi's back to arch and his eyes to roll back. He's not going to last at all.
It's not even a minute of the unbelievably good fucking later that Yoongi wraps a shaking hand around his cock to tug at it desperately for only a few seconds before his body pulls tight and he comes all over his torso.
You watch the whole ordeal with hooded eyes and an open mouth as you pant from exertion and arousal. Not knowing if Yoongi gets overstimulated quickly and not wanting to hurt him, you quickly slow your movements and stop when his hand falls from his cock.
While Yoongi lays there breathing heavily with his chest heaving and eyes closed, you pull out and remove the dripping toy from the harness. Without a word, you get up and move to the bathroom to rinse off the toy and leave it on the counter to wash properly later, and then you grab a washcloth to dampen it and return to Yoongi. He blinks his eyes open when you clamber back onto the bed and start to clean him up.
By the time you're finished cleaning his chest and ass up, Yoongi's breathing is back to normal and he's watching you, looking more satisfied than you've ever seen him.
"Hey," You smile as you settle beside him, washcloth on the side table behind you. He purses his lips at you so you lean forward to kiss him slowly.
When you pull back, you remain on your side propped up with your head on your left hand. "How you feeling? I didn't go too hard, did I?"
"I'm pretty sure how quick I came answers that," he huffs, pouting at the ceiling. "Swear I'm not usually that quick."
"It was hot, I don't mind the time frame," you reply honestly and lean down to kiss his shoulder. "I knew you'd look good cumming on yourself," you hum against his skin. "Wish I had photographic memory so I never forget a moment of that sight."
"Shut up,"
"I'm being serious!" You lift up and pout at him. "I'm sad that I won't forever remember it that well."
"Well…it's not like that's the only chance you'll get to see it," He shrugs, turning onto his right side to face you so you lower to lay down too. "I can't get over how good you are at these sexual things you've never done before."
"I'm naturally gifted,"
Yoongi chuckles and nods. "Yeah, you are. I'm both scared and excited to see how much better you'll get with practice. You're going to own my ass in no time, I won't be able to fuck anyone else because they won't be as good as you. Fucking Pavlov me,"
"Don't think that's the right term but I'll take it," He doesn't respond and instead shuffles closer to kiss you.
Yoongi's left hand travels down to hold onto one of the strips of material over your ribs. "How hard is this to get off?"
"A lot," He groans. "Why?"
"Wanna eat you out," Your eyes blow wide. "I can't tell what that look means,"
"No one's said that to me before," You admit softly.
"What?" Yoongi's frown is beyond offended. "How could no one say that to you?" He huffs and leans up while nudging you onto your back. You go willingly with a shrug. "Well, I really want to. Can I?" You nod and reach down to unclasp the buckles of the harness. Yoongi shuffles down the bed so that he can pull it off your legs once you've opened it.
"How do we-" he cuts off when he looks up and realises that the straps of the lingerie have been designed to leave your crotch entirely bare. "Fuck,"
Immediately, Yoongi lowers down onto his stomach between your thighs and presses them wider to stare at where you're glistening with arousal. "How is all of you so fucking perfect?" Even though it's a question, he's really talking to himself, his voice low and thick with arousal.
Yet even if he is talking to you and expects a response, you wouldn't be able to form one, voice stuck in your throat with nerves.
"Tell me if I do something you don't like, okay?" He speaks, leaning up enough to make eye contact with you. You just nod, cheeks flushed pink and your bottom lip sucked nervously between your teeth. Yoongi shoots you a gentle smile then lowers to press a soft kiss to your hip.
You watch intently as Yoongi trails soft kisses across your skin and over the shiny fabric digging slightly into your thigh due to your legs being spread by Yoongi's hands. He stops at your inner thigh in between two straps, seemingly entranced by the little bulge caused by the material.
As if he doesn't have any control, Yoongi opens his mouth a little wider and clamps down making you gasp. The noise brings him back to reality and he almost pulls off but as he's releasing his jaw, your gasp fully registers and he realises that it wasn't a bad gasp at all.
Instead of continuing to open his jaw, he closes it further and fights down his own groan feeling his teeth press into the giving flesh before he sucks a little harsher than he normally starts off yet you whimper and your left hand flutters atop his head in a way that feels as if you want to grasp but aren't brave enough. So Yoongi sucks harder, borderline painfully and is rewarded with fingers in his hair and grasping securely, encouragingly.
Yoongi suckles the spot for a moment longer before pulling off with a pop.
You both eye the bright red mark and admire the indents left by his teeth before Yoongi suddenly darts down again.
You had expected him to attach to the mirrored spot on your other thigh but he shocks you by suctioning to the soft, smooth flesh over your pubic bone, so close to your clit that it makes it tingle. You're so caught off guard that the moan of pleasure escapes your mouth before you can stop it.
You loosen your right hand from the sheets with every intention of lifting it to cover your mouth in embarrassment; it was too loud of a noise for such a small act in your mind.
It seems Yoongi knows you too well though despite never having done anything like this together before, as his left hand quickly darts up and grabs your wrist causing you to fall still.
You blink down at him and find his dark eyes on you warningly. Your arm twitchs upwards and his grip tightens even as his mouth neither moves to detach or do anything more.
Yoongi's eyes square a little, a silent command and although you don't really listen to anyone usually regardless of circumstance, you nod obediently and relax your arm. Yoongi's gaze relaxes and he directs your hand to your own thigh just so that he can link your fingers together while also allowing him to still keep pressure on your thighs to have them remain open for him.
Really, Yoongi would've loved to take advantage of the fact that you're the first person to seem to like the rougher biting his gums always ach for, but he's determined to give you the best head you'll ever have before his oral fixation kicked in and now he's reminded of that upon seeing the way you actually submitted to him, even a little.
He decides that you definitely deserve a reward for that alone.
Only a little reluctantly, Yoongi slowly releases his suction and pulls back just enough to allow the sight of the forming bruise to shoot a lick of arousal into his stomach before he lowers even further to softly trail his tongue up your folds, carefully avoiding your hole and clit not wanting to jump in too fast for you on your first time receiving oral. A fact that honestly makes him kind of angry; how could no one have offered to go down on you? It's vile and selfish in his mind and he wants to give you the best experience he possibly can.
You don't make any noise in response so he doesn't know if you like it but, at the very least, you don't try to remove either of you from the situation so you're willing to let him continue.
For a few minutes, Yoongi keeps his actions relatively soft everywhere he touches yet he still doesn't gain much of a response from you. You're breathing a little heavier and he can see that your eyes are closed and you do look like you're enjoying yourself but you're quiet.
If he hadn't heard a moan moments before, he would assume that you're just quiet in general during sex but he had and he wants more. You sounded so good he honestly wants to record you to replay back when he's alone with a hand in his pants.
Maybe you're just not that into oral.
Not wanting to be a letdown, Yoongi carefully tugs his hand free from your grasp and presses your own palm to your thigh. When he sees your fingers curve a little to hold your thigh he smiles to himself and presses a finger to your hole lightly; a warning of what's to come. You don't pull away so he slowly presses in, watching entranced as you swallow him up with no issue.
Feeling you ready to take another, he pulls out and adds another finger alongside the first and watches all the same as soft, wet heat envelops them both happily.
Although there isn't much resistance per se due to how wet you are, there's definitely more pressure on his fingers, especially around his second knuckle. He looks up to watch your reaction as he pushes in, in case any sign of discomfort appears.
Your eyebrows furrow the tiniest amount and your mouth drops open a little wider as a stuttered breath leaves. Your hips push down a little, shyly almost and all worry leaves Yoongi. You like it and want more. So, he gives it to you, pushing his fingers in completely, only slightly faster than his original pace but you immediately react and suck in a breath.
Suddenly, it hits Yoongi that you had reacted so strongly enough to moan when he was being harsh and rough. You like the borderline pain and firmer actions, not the soft gentle touches he has been trying thinking it will be the best move for your first time.
With this revelation, Yoongi attaches his mouth directly to your clit and sucks while pulling his fingers out just to the second knuckle where they're widest and using that girth to stimulate your opening. Immediately, you gasp and moan breathily, tightening your fingers in his hair enough to make him moan around your clit.
The pace Yoongi takes up fucking his fingers into you is fast and just a level below hard considering he isn't left-handed and the angle isn't the easiest to navigate while he's toying endlessly with your clit with his mouth; teeth included making his own body sing with arousal.
He's definitely hard and leaking between the mattress and his stomach.
Yoongi can't believe how worked up he's getting so quickly. Sure, he always loves giving oral, especially if it means he also had his fingers in a wet, warm hole, but he never gets hard from it after already being fucked so well. But you react so well to his rough actions and you seem to love the intensity of his oral fixation allowing him to really suction and bite as much as he wants.
Honestly, if he couldn't feel you tightening around his fingers and your hips shaking with the effort of keeping still, Yoongi would be certain that he's much more into the activity than you are. But your approaching orgasm is clear, especially with your frequent little moans growing closer together and higher in pitch. Though he does kind of wish you wouldn't control yourself like that, he kind of really most definitely wants you to fuck his face.
Maybe he'll have to ask you to sit on his face one day and preferably very soon.
"Yoon," You warn with a gasp, eyes flying open to stare down at him but his eyes are closed and focused, though he does squeeze your thigh a little to show that he heard and understands. You let your eyes close again and your head tips back as the pleasure teeters right on the edge.
One more run of Yoongi's teeth over your swollen clit sends you tumbling over, cursing as the orgasm shoots through your body quickly.
Usually, it'd be over as quick as that but Yoongi hasn't stopped his movements, if anything he seems more eager to lap around his fingers and fuck into you. He even curls his fingers up into that spot he's located but not focused on, to now focus on it and apply an almost torturous amount of pleasure that's borderline painful with the orgasm barely even over.
"Oh, fuck," You whine, curling your fingers tight enough into your thigh that your short blunt nails dig in sharply.
A second orgasm hits out of nowhere and you gasp deeply, curving your back at the intensity and losing all control of your hips. Yoongi moans deeply as he's forced face-first into your pussy where he happily attaches his mouth to suck yet another bruise harshly.
As soon as you've mostly come down from the second orgasm to the point that you're mentally back on earth you tighten your grip on Yoongi's hair to tug him up even though he makes a noise of complaint at being pulled away from eating you out, so that you can kiss him heavily, careless of your taste on his tongue and lower face that's glistening with it.
That at least stops his complaints and he quickly settles into the kiss, lowering down his top half but keeping his hips up so that his naked erection doesn't touch you. You realise what he's doing and hook your legs over his hips to tug him down making him groan deeply as his erection slips against your slick skin.
"Can't believe you got me hard already," He grunts, lowering his head to kiss down your neck. You turn your head to give him better access and when he starts to suck, you grind your hips up against him. "Fuck," He pants.
"Want you to fuck me," You admit a little breathlessly.
"Seriously?" You nod and whine a little while grinding harder and feeling his hard length rub firmly over your clit. "Shit, okay, condom?" You shake your head making him sigh. "Then-"
"I'm clean and got my tubes tied," You inform, turning your head to him when he pulls back to look down at you.
"Me too, clean and vasectomy," He mumbles in disbelief. Your eyes light up with excitement that reflects in his. "So we're both free of transmittable diseases and infertile," He summarises.
"Which means you can fill me up and make a mess."
"Fuck," With no reason to hesitate- or the will to - Yoongi reaches down to grip his erection and line up with your entrance. Your legs drop to the mattress to spread wide and Yoongi pushes in.
"Ah, fuck," You whimper as he pushes in, eyes fluttering closed and hands gripping his sides.
"You okay?" You nod rapidly. "Doesn't hurt?"
"Feels good,"
"Y-yeah," He agrees, lowering his gaze to watch as his cock fills your pussy and leaves his vision, buried snugly in your warmth. "Fuck, feel so good, baby," Your eyes blink open at the petname to look at him in surprise. "What?"
"Baby?" He's genuinely puzzled for a second before he recalls that he just called you that without thought and his cheeks warm with embarrassment.
"Sorry, didn't realise."
"I'm not opposed, like at all, fucking love petnames," You admit easily and lift your arms to wrap around his neck loosely while a mischievous glint appears in your eyes.
Before Yoongi can question what exactly that means, you rock your hips making him suck in a sudden inhale and shudder at the unexpected friction on his cock. You burst into laughter at his reaction and flop down onto the mattress. "Did you get possessed?"
"Shut up," He huffs, cheeks burning with embarrassment. "You surprise attacked me,"
"Surprise attacked," You cackle hands cupping your own cheeks and fingers pressing into where your cheeks bunch the highest.
Yoongi pouts at you which only makes you giggle; a different kind of laugh, one more adoring for his cute expression but it still isn't what he wants and he's feeling petty.
Without warning he pulls back his hips then slams forward, punching a strangled gasp of pleasure from your mouth as your hands fly up to brace against the wooden poles of the ornate headboard. Yoongi smirks at your wide-eyed and open-mouthed expression then reaches up to brace himself with one hand against the flat of the headboard while his other slides under your lower back until he can wrap his arm around you enough to hold your body still. And then he wastes no more time and starts almost brutally fucking you.
It's intense and pleasurable in a way you're not used to; of course, you have been fucked hard before but it was never like this. Not because people haven't tried but they simply can't pull the pleasure from your very soul like Yoongi seems to be doing.
Even if you want to, you wouldn't be able to stop the stream of pleasured sounds leaving your open mouth, but you don't even want to, don't feel like hiding as you aren't the only one who seems unable to clamp their own vocals. Yoongi is just as loud as you are and it honestly only turns you on even more.
Usually, both you and Yoongi like to talk to your partners; check in and praise them, talk dirty and tease but neither of you has it in you to do it, can't talk if you try, not past the occasional swear or utter of the other's name or a petname.
Yoongi quickly takes up calling you 'princess' and you have to admit, you really fucking like how it sounds from his lips. Others have tried to use the petname with you before but you could never take it seriously and tended to laugh or to fuck off, depending on the situation. Yet with Yoongi, it sends warmth to your chest that trickles into your stomach and lower to add to the quickly-growing impending orgasm.
Yoongi has no idea how he's keeping up the pace, his chest is heaving and his thighs burning and he's certain he's so close to getting a cramp in his left asscheek somehow but he can't give any mind to it, it's all on you and how fucking good you feel wrapped around his cock.
You keep sporadically squeezing him and he doesn't know if it's a sign of a nearing orgasm or just how you feel pleasure but either way, it feels beyond fucking words and he both never wants it to end and is chasing his orgasm desperately. He wants to fill you up and then watch his cum spill out from your pussy afterwards.
Fuck, maybe you'll even let him fuck it out of you, perhaps in the shower once he has his strength back after a much-needed nap.
When you remove one hand from the headboard and shove it down between your bodies to play with your clit roughly, Yoongi makes certain to keep his movement the same to not ruin your pleasure.
Watching you touch yourself all but shoves him headfirst over the edge and his hips jerk unintentionally as his orgasm hits, spilling cum into you with a few breathless moans of your name. Your breath hitches in response before you're squeezing him tight, earning more pleasured curses to fall from his mouth as he feels your orgasm in the rhythmic tightening of your walls pulsating around his cock.
Slowly, you both fall still with closed eyes and heavy breathing as you ride out the aftershocks and last dregs of pleasure.
"Jesus fuck," Yoongi's the first to speak some minutes later when he finally has his head screwed on relatively straight and is only panting a little. You laugh at his comment but it's definitely an agreeing sound. Jesus fuck indeed.
"I'm not sure who is gonna Pavlov who here," You muse, reaching out to cup his face in both hands. "C'mere," Yoongi goes willingly, lowering down and wincing a little as he feels his soft dick slipping out but neither comment on it, too interested in kissing; happy and sated and kind of lazy but it's good.
When the kiss breaks, Yoongi clambers off of you and drops down at your side, sinking on his right side comfortably against the pillow and letting his body relax. "I need a nap," He mutters earning an amused giggle while you turn onto your left side to face him. "Actually no, fuck a nap, need a coma,"
"You're ridiculous,"
"If you tell me you still have the energy to fuck, you're insane,"
"I mean…give me like ten minutes to get a drink and yeah, I probably could,"
"Fucking hell, you're going to kill me," He groans, turning his head into the pillow but the noise isn't exactly one of argument.
"Good way to go though, right?" You grin and he looks back at you with a chuckle.
"Definitely," He reaches out with a heavy arm to tug on the straps over your stomach. "C'mere, oppa wants to spoon his princess,"
"Are you trying to get fucked?" You comment, making him snort out a tired laugh.
Instead of going to him, you roll out of bed making him whine and pout in complaint. "I'll be right back, I really do need a drink,"
"Hurry," He mumbles, letting his eyes flutter close.
You hobble to the kitchen as quickly as you can so that you can gulp down as much cool water as possible without making yourself sick and then you refill your glass.
You're about to fill a glass for Yoongi too but considering how tired he is, you know he won't sit up even to drink if his mouth is dry. So you find a bottle with a straw that you hope won't spill if on its side and fill that with cold water instead.
You return to your bedroom and place your glass down before tucking the bottle by Yoongi and guiding the straw into his open mouth. He's pretty much asleep but the touch wakes him and although he doesn't know what's going on in his sleep-addled mind, when you tell him to drink and tap the straw on his lip, he wraps his lips around it to do as told and gropes around until he finds the bottle to hold steady without opening his eyes. You take the chance to struggle your way out of the lingerie on your body and toss it aside to deal with later.
By the time you clamber back onto the bed, Yoongi's fallen asleep again, bottle still held and straw to his lips. You giggle amusedly and remove the item, making him snuffle awake again. Once the bottle is beside your glass, you shuffle down with your back to him and pull his arm over your waist.
Yoongi hums happily and shuffles closer until you're pressed together and his face is in your neck. He inhales deeply and tightens his arm around your waist, tucking his hand up by your chest and that's when he suddenly realises that he can feel nothing but skin against his own. He jolts up a little onto his right elbow and peers blearily down at you. You watch his expression from over your shoulder, you see the fatigue slip away and his tongue wet his lips as he notices that for the first time, you're completely naked.
"You're naked," He mumbles, tracing his left hand over your waist and hip, watching the trail his touch takes. You just hum in confirmation and allow him to touch all the new skin he can see. "Beautiful," He sighs out and then lowers back down to curl around your back. You can feel his dick against your ass and it has definitely plumped up a little in the past moments, and, of course, you just have to tilt your hips back to brush your ass against it.
He nips your shoulder in retaliation earning a giggle. "I'm too fucking tired right now, baby,"
"I like cock warming," You pout, grinding back against him. "Don't you wanna be all snug as you sleep?"
"You're fucking ridiculous," He huffs, amusement in his tone before pressing his hips forward against you. "Go on then, you get me hard, you can warm me as much as you want while we sleep."
"What if I can't sleep?" He makes a curious sound. "I usually can sleep no problem with a cock in me but something about you brings out the deviant in me so…what's your stance on somnophilia?"
"The fuck's that?"
"Sleep sex,"
"You want to have sex while we sleep?"
"I'd be awake if I can't sleep, dumbass,"
"Shut up, m'tired," He bites your shoulder a little harder this time, but that just makes you curve into him and press your ass harder against his gradually hardening dick.
"Fuckin-" He inhales and purposely moves his mouth away from your skin so that he won't give in to temptation again because he's pretty sure if he does bite you again, you'll definitely wind up going for another intense round and he's certain he can not physically handle that until he wakes up again. He's never been so exhausted from sex alone.
"So?" You prompt when he remains quiet behind you. "I'm personally into it either way,"
"Mm, I dunno, just go to sleep for now, baby,"
"Okay, oppa," You agree and pull your hips away from him, giving his dick space to breathe and soften without your touch. Yoongi hums appreciatively and curls his arm back around your waist though makes sure to keep his hand away from your chest, he knows that if he feels your breasts he will not be able to get to sleep until he has sufficiently played with them.
When you're almost asleep, Yoongi speaks up in a low rough tone, close to sleep himself. "If you wake up and I'm hard, do what you want,"
"Yeah?"
"Mm, just try not to wake me."
"Okay, oppa," You smile to yourself and snuggle in close, smiling a little more at the kiss pressed to your head.
To your absolute joy, when you wake a little under an hour later, you and Yoongi are pressed so close together that his dick has hardened in his sleep.
You grin to yourself and although you're barely awake, you know what you want so you painstakingly move into a better position so that when you reach behind yourself and carefully hold Yoongi's erection, you can guide it into yourself making you sigh in happiness. You really do like being full.
You peer over your shoulder to make sure you haven't woken Yoongi then shuffle again, sliding further onto his length until you're pressed tight up against him. You watch Yoongi's face contort and little huffs of breath escape his lips from the pleasure but he doesn't wake so you settle back down and are soon back asleep.
You aren't surprised to have a sex dream, though you are surprised by just how vivid it is. You've had similar kinds of dreams before where you're actively seeking pleasure in a lucid-dreaming kind of way, but you usually wake up before achieving your orgasm goal. But this time, you wake up with the force of the dream orgasm that turns out to be real.
"Fuck," Yoongi curses roughly behind you, one hand on your hip as he rocks into you.
"Oppa?" You mumble sleepily looking over at him, cheeks warm with the pleasure but eyes barely open.
"Hi princess," He greets with a smile tilting towards a smirk. You whine and push back against him.
"You want more?" He asks, his own cheeks slightly pinkened from fucking you as you sleep without moving your position to not wake you. You nod and reach down to move his left hand from your hip and place it on your sternum instead. "Alright, whatever my princess wants," He agrees, leaning forward to press a kiss to your jaw while moving his hand to cup your left breast. "Didn't know your tits are so big," He comments lowly as he returns to rocking into you slow and deep. "Hide 'em so well."
"H-have to, get looks oth-" Yoongi hits a real good spot with that thrust making you cut off with a whine as your eyes roll back. "Yoon," You plead.
"Alright, fuck," He shuffles closer and lays his palm flat on the top of your chest to hold you back against him before rabbiting into you while barely pulling out meaning he keeps hitting that same spot rapidly making you whine and writhe and gasp out his name. "Good girl,"
The tingle in his teeth returns as he stares at the mostly faded teeth marks on your shoulder from before sleep. He knows those marks will be soon gone with no evidence, no bruise left behind and that doesn't sit well with him.
So Yoongi leans down to attach his mouth harshly over the same spot. You jerk in response and automatically his hand lifts to restrain you and wrap around your throat. You instantly fall still as your walls squeeze him tight. Yoongi gasps against your shoulder and removes his hand but you whine in serious complaint, locking your grasp on his arm.
"Are you sure?" He asks as you lead his hand back to your throat. You nod madly. "Words, please, baby, I need verbal confirmation to do this. It's dangerous and-"
"Yes yes, I want it, choke me, oppa, please," You plead, turning your head just enough that your wet gaze meets his and he can see the truth and desperation in your eyes. "Please?"
"Fuck, okay, kick me if it's too much or you need a break or change your mind or-"
"I won't." You sound so certain that Yoongi can only nod and curl his fingers to show that he's more than willing. There's practically no pressure to his touch yet you still gasp and slump against the pillow as your eyes flutter shut.
Yoongi licks his lips and takes a second to compose himself before he applies a little pressure. Your mouth opens in a silent gasp but otherwise, you're practically boneless on the mattress, entirely trusting your vulnerability to him, submitting to him in a way nobody ever has before.
Yoongi growls a little and doesn't even have it in him to question himself there before he returns to fucking you, rougher than before with longer strokes yet still successfully pulling moans from your parted lips.
He waits a little before squeezing harder, hard enough to make breathing hard for you but you fucking love it, clamping down tight on his cock and making no attempt to free yourself.
Yoongi's cock throbs and as much as he wants to keep going, he knows he can't and removes the pressure to allow you to suck in some ragged breaths.
He takes the chance to readjust his position so that he can once again mouth at your skin and work on another mark, slowing his hips enough that he doesn't jostle your body as much. But that makes you whine in complaint.
If you can whine, you have enough breath is Yoongi's thought and then he's constricting your airflow again and angling his hips to try and find that spot inside you again. When he finds it, you choke so he releases his pressure and focuses on once again battering that spot with short quick thrusts that make you moan endlessly through heaving for breath.
With his hand resting on your throat, your walls dripping and tight as hell around his cock and his mouth suctioned to the crook of your neck, Yoongi is so fucking close to an orgasm. You're so fucking tight around him, tight like pre-orgasm tight but he has no idea if you can orgasm without clitoral stimulation.
He's vaguely concerned that he will cum while you suffer without your clit being touched but he himself physically can't and you're too far gone to seem to register that it's something you can actually do.
Too close and desperate to stop, Yoongi decides he can make you cum once he has himself and once again tightens his hold on your throat. To his surprise, your back immediately curves and your pussy spasms around him as wetness suddenly increases and he's hit with the possible fact that you just squirted with your orgasm.
Yoongi's orgasm hits him like a truck. He doesn't mean to bite down harder and doesn't even register the metallic taste on his tongue until the post-orgasm fuzz leaves his brain.
He gasps in shocked horror and leans back, glad that he had moved his hand from your throat and not also choked you out in a non-sexy way in his mindlessness. The bite mark is pretty vicious looking; bruised deeply from his sucking and ringed by tooth-shaped indents, all of which are bleeding a little. Luckily, none are particularly deep but still, he's horrified, partly by what he's done and partly at the fact the sight sends arousal flitting teasingly through his body.
"Yoonie?" Your soft voice snaps him back to reality to find you blinking concernedly at him over your shoulder. "It's okay," You assure, reaching your left hand back to lay on his thigh and rub soothingly. "Really, don't look so scared, I'm not mad,"
"I fucking bit you!" He squeaks. "You're bleeding!"
"Yes, I see," You muse, gaze dropping to his lips pointedly. He quickly rubs his hand over his mouth roughly to remove the blood. "I'm not new to bleeding during sex."
He opens his mouth to respond, once again planning to berate himself but then he registers your words and blinks dumbly at you. "What?"
"I have experimented a lot, oppa, not always with the best people to try potentially dangerous things with."
He sighs your name out worriedly. "Please don't tell me you've let someone hold a knife to your skin during sex. I know you joked about it before but I seriously thought it was just a joke."
"I haven't," You assure before grinning a little awkwardly. "Yet,"
"I'm not letting you do knifeplay with some asshole, don't be ridiculous."
"You're not an asshole."
He blinks at you a few times. "Me?" You hum in confirmation. "You want me to put a knife to your skin?"
"I want to try it and you're the only person I trust like that," You shrug and turn your head back away both because the angle is hurting your neck and because you suddenly feel honestly kind of like a freak for even suggesting it. Knife play is no joke and something most people don't even know exists and even fewer actually think is a good idea. "I'll forget about it, you seem scared enough just biting me hard enough to draw blood, it was stupid to suggest."
"Wait wait wait," He huffs and shuffles backwards to create the space to turn you onto your back so that you could look at one another. "I don't want you to feel bad, that's not a look I see on you, stop it,"
"It was stupid to suggest though." You frown. "I'm sorry-"
"No, stop, it-" He takes a breath and then drops down onto his back beside you and only then realises how much his right shoulder hurts. He reaches up to rub it only for you to roll over and bat his hand away so that you can massage it yourself.
Yoongi watches your concentration for a few minutes with a fond smile before he reaches out to tilt your face to him and leans up to gently kiss you. You hum, surprised but very pleased and kiss him back, leaning forward so that he can lower back onto the pillow and not hurt his neck.
When you pull apart, he keeps his hand on your cheek and strokes his thumb over your skin softly. "I was scared that I hurt you, I didn't mean to and it scared me how easily I could accidentally do serious damage if I'm not careful." You make a noise of understanding. "But I was also scared that I liked it," Your eyebrows lift in genuine surprise. "I saw what I had done and I fucking- I liked it, like it turned me on a little."
"Really?" He nods. Despite the conversation, the way your eyes light up with joy and excitement makes him chuckle fondly. "So would you consider knife play?"
"I…I think I can consider it, yeah," He confirms, earning a bright smile followed by a very thorough kiss.
You can't say for sure what your future relationship with Yoongi holds, but you're real fucking excited to find out.
#wkcnet#bts x reader#bts smut#bts yoongi x reader#bts suga x reader#bts yoongi smut#bts suga smut#bts fanfic#bts yoongi fanfic#bts suga fanfic
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hi!! could I request ayaka nsfw headcanons? thanks!
☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Ayaka x dom!Reader
☆ — TYPE: NSFW
☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Corruption kink, exhibition kink but it doesn't acc get acted upon 🤷♀️
☆ — NOTES: shut up omg another one I LOEV AYAKA THANK YOU
She seems like the type to be extremely vanilla at first, not bc she's scared (well no she is a lil bit) but bc she hasn't really? Had the chance to explore or anything??? But she seems like the type to be interested in it, just that she didn'r know HOW to explore it......until yk. You came along
She's like a willing subject to corruption, it's rather lovely 🫶
The way she'd approach you about it too 😭😭 like ohhh you're so precious my bbg :((( she'd breach the topic carefully, her cheeks tinted very red thanks to her skin betraying her and the blood that rushed to her face
Side track as much as I do adore Ayaka stumbling on her words and stuttering, I actually personally don't think she would unless she was EXTREMELY flustered or completely out of it. She's probably really good with forming sentences and stuff with very minimal stuttering, esp when she'd have to think ab her speech a lot to make sure she isn't offending anyone generally (I wish that were me cuz I stutter a LOT it's acc embarrassing)
So when she asks, she's VERY red but also very clear and concise with her speech. If it weren't for the embarrassed look on her face, if it weren't for her covering her face with her fan, you'd have thought that she wasn't shy about such an ask at all
It was hard to concentrate and gather your bearings at least a little bit when the soft scent of cookies and the mochi she had made a while ago never fails to overtake your train of thought, but you managed to pull through as you slowly undressed her.
"Are you completely sure?" You asked in concern for her, despite the fact that she had approached you about such a request, "I'm worried you might not like the experience. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable..."
She shook her head in reply, giving you a gentle smile, "I'm sure. I admit that I've been.. curious, and I trust you completely."
You couldn't help but soften at your white-haired partner's proclamation, giving her a lingering kiss on her temple, "Just remember to tell me if something feels wrong, you know I worry for you."
"I know," she giggled, "but you don't need to treat me like I'm fragile."
And before you reply in turn, Ayaka cuts you off by leaning her head on your shoulder, her lips close to your ear as she whispered in such a tantalising way--
"I'd like to think I can handle whatever you do to me."
--before drawing back with a much cheekier smile compared to moments before, "I hope that clears most of your reservations?"
By god, yes it does.
She turns out to be a FREAK❗️❗️❗️👹👹👹👹
No but fr though? I already wrote it but she def love love LOVEEEESSS being your good girl 🥰🥰🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 wants to do anything you ask her to do bc she wants to make you happy. Absolutely gets off to whenever you praise her for the stuff she does
But also? Kinda very much adores being roughed around!!! Being an important figure to Inazuma, she's not necessarily used to being treated anything less than with respect and caution, so for you to essentially make her forget all that as you "disrespect" her rank? Mmmmyes definitely Something :3
She's a very very curious person who's open to a LOT of things, going from binding to sensory deprivation to roleplay
Oh my GOD she'd ESPECIALLY be into roleplay; pretending as if she were someone else, esp if she was absolutely ravaged by you? My word it gets her wet just thinking about it
I think she'd LOVEEEE to be overstimmed 🫶🫶🫶 she wants a break from thinking!! She wants a break from responsibilities, and the way you can make it easily go away by fucking her brains out gets so addicting for this little princess
SHE'D DEFINITELY BE A SQUIRTER OH GY GOD fuck off listen she's def so so very sensitive that if you work her up enough (which doesn't acc take long) she would and she'd APOLOGISE for making such a mess but you just Cannot Help but try to get another one from her so it goes around alllll over again until she passes out :3
Don't think she'd act it out irl bc no way is she actually risking her reputation (and in extent, her brother's and her entire family name), but she'd develop?? A taste for exhibition???? Perhaps it's through the times you've just decided to drag her away to a semi-secluded spot, or maybe it's bc of the times she's touched herself while thinking of you with the risk of SOMEONE coming into her room. Either way, she starts to fantasize scenes from time to time where you're fucking her out in the open or you get caught or even that she's walking around with her pussy unknowingly stuffed with toys, who knows 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
If she doesn't tell you then she probably clues you in unconsciously when you start talking to her about how ANYONE could find you absolutely ruining this whore of a princess 🫶 by her inner walls clamping onto you as she lets out a particularly loud whine 🫶🫶🫶
Ayaka had tried to go back to sleep, she really did. But her thoughts had caught up to her, hazy made-up images and scenarios of the simplest thought of getting caught doing things unbefitting the White Heron Princess and her demure, innocent stature.
Even as she had her fingers inside her needy hole, even as she grinded on her palm in a deaperate effort to chase that needed release, she had found that she couldn't be satisfied in the least. The fact that she had to silence herself in an effort to prevent herself from getting caught didn't help with sorting out her current issue, either.
It wasn't enough—she needed you to satisfy her, to put her in her place, to take her fully until she could no longer care to think about anything else but being your personal doll. There was no way she was getting off all by herself, she needed you.
Biting the fabric of her blanket in an effort to stop her teary moans from being as loud as it would've been, she could only hope any pray that this aching need within her subsides in time before she has the chance to see you again.
(And perhaps she'll gather the courage to ask you about recreating.. a very exposing scenario, to sate her torturous curiosities.)
Bonus bullet point it'd be really cute to see her cry from the stimulation 🥰🥰
#hazy demos!#hazy explicits!#kamisato ayaka x reader#ayaka x reader#kamisato ayaka smut#ayaka smut#sub kamisato ayaka#sub ayaka#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact imagines#genshin impact smut#sub genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin imagines#genshin smut#sub genshin#genshin women#genshin women x reader#genshin women imagines#genshin women smut#sub genshin women
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Platonic! Lemon + Tangerine Headcanons (GN!)
aka the babygirlification of two assassins (i literally birthed them it’s true)
You come across the twins as a civilian - in this case you work at a coffee shop. When they walk up to the counter you’re a little shocked, not because of anything they’ve done but the fact that one of them is bleeding.
“Woah, are you alright?” You say, gesturing to the dark-skinned man’s shirt.
“What? Oh, I’m fine. I don’t bleed.”
It’s in your better judgment not to question it. The man next to him - classically dressed and spouting a moustache - sighs before smiling at you and ordering: one black coffee, and a hot chocolate with a chocolate chip cookie to be precise.
From behind the counter you can hear the moustached man mention something about his friend ‘eating all that sugar’, whilst he brushes it off, going on about ‘rewards’ before somehow talking about Thomas the Tank Engine?
The man isn’t even halfway done with his drink when you can see his eyes brighten, snapping his fingers with every sip.
“Ah, mate…You’ve gotta try this, init? That barista makes it proper - good layer of milk and cream, the right temperature for sipping…None of that hot water shit they used to give us in school!”
You smile to yourself, and once he’s done he comes up and thanks you personally, leaving a generous tip :)
The rest is history:
Lemon is the type of guy to come back to something when he enjoys it. When the Twins are in town, he’s definitely coming to your store, and you’re the only one who can make his hot chocolate. No exceptions.
From there you actually learn their names - Lemon and Tangerine. Tan is cordial enough, but you definitely click with Lemon the most
They ask you about your day, if you’ve been busy, all of that. It’s nice to have a familiar face in their line of work
Sometimes they stay until closing time, and if you’re shutting up they ALWAYS walk you home
Thomas the Tank Engine initiation rituals…The engine Lemon decides to give you is forever stuck onto your uniform as a badge of honour
Making fun of Tangerine for being grumpy and only liking black coffee… He orders a muffin just to shut you all up
“Would you two grow up, would ya? Can’t beat a classic Victoria sponge anyway.”
The one time you offer them to have a meal at your house it’s the sweetest thing ever: takeout or home cooked, they lap it up whilst they tell you crazy stories about their travels
They would LOVE home baked/cooked goods in particular though, it makes them feel 'normal' and like a family
They'll always bring you gifts from the different places they’ve been!! Ex. A Momomon from Japan or a snowglobe from Switzerland
I feel like Tan gets comically angry if he opens your fridge and sees that you only have oat/almond milk…He can’t get over the fact that it’s a ‘fucking NUT, it’s not proper milk’
Lemon using you as a parent, telling on Tangerine for everything- "I'm telling them that you stole from that vendor. You said you were trying to kick that habit, mate."
You figuring out that ‘outside contractors’ means something shady, but you don’t care bc they’re your friends
Tangerine is better with pets than Lemon, who isn’t really fond of them. Your animal will either love Tan or hate him, and there’s no in between
Being worried when they disappear for long periods of time :(
They're not the best at comfort (Tangerine in particular) but they try. Lemon suggests a relevant Thomas episode to help you get through it
Your watchlist is filled with animated/children's films
If there’s a stray/abused animal they find on a mission, they’re bringing it back to you. Surprise, you have a pet!
Them having your back. Tangerine is definitely beating up someone for you, and they’ll give you a bit of cash if you’re ever running behind on rent.
Them having a tiny photo of you in their jacket/wallet to look at and remember the good times missions <3
#florence writes!!#bullet train 2022#bullet train x reader#bullet train headcanons#tangerine x reader#tangerine x male!reader#x male reader#gender neutral reader#lemon and tangerine#bullet train lemon#lemon bullet train#tangerine bullet train#sfw headcanons
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Losing someone can be so beyond words. Here is some advice for losing a FP but it can probably be applied to losing someone in general!
Some things I like to remind myself are:
The feelings are temporary. They will pass. No matter how crushing they may be, you won't feel like this forever. Sometimes it can help to remember that what we're feeling is temporary because when we forget that and think it's how we're going to feel forever, it can make us feel so hopeless. So here's your reminder. This isn't forever.
You survived without them before, and you can do it again. I promise. It doesn't mean it'll be easy but it can help to have the reminder that we existed before then, and survived before them and we can do both of those things again.
Be kind to yourself. You are valid and you are allowed your emotions.
Healing is not linear. Grief isn't linear. And for a lot of us, when we lose our FP, it is something we need to heal from. It is something we grieve about. And it's okay if we feel ourselves doing better for a bit and then falling back. It doesn't mean you've failed or anything like that.
Some things I do:
Note that these are all personal things I do and aren't rules for how you should cope. I'm sure your own list will differ! But maybe my list will inspire you to think of ideas for your own list!
Focus on myself. Even when it's uncomfortable and I don't want to, I focus on my hobbies. I focus on finding new hobbies. Sometimes I make a list of different hobbies I've never tried, and then I go through it and try them at least once to see if I enjoy something. If not, it gets scratched off. These could be new shows, books, activities, etc.
Feel the emotions. Usually not all at once because it's too much, but my instinct is to bury the emotions. To turn my emotions off entirely ((I'm sure others relate to the turning them off thing. It's like a switch I can use). And it's uncomfortable, but sometimes I force myself to feel them. In bits as I can handle it. Allow yourself time to grieve.
Focus on my DBT skills like Urge Surfing for any urges that arise or Radical Acceptance for accepting my feelings.
Come up with a Crisis Plan in case I start to spiral. Here’s my walk through on that.
I diversified my relationships. I think this is an important thing to do. Even if you have a FP currently. Diversifying your relationships to have other people in your support system can be really good.
This is a personal choice, but I cut off all ties. I used to keep screenshots of messages they wrote assuring me they cared and stuff like that. I deleted all screenshots. I also made sure I couldn't look at their profiles and check on them. I made sure their numbers were deleted and anything else.
I like to do nice things for someone else. It's hard sometimes to get there, but there's a feeling I get when I make someone smile or help someone out that makes me feel a bit lighter. It reminds me that I am valuable as I am. This is actually a part of the ACCEPTS skill if you're interested in reading more about that.
Work on forgiving myself. Maybe you don't feel you need this, and that's valid. But I did. I had to learn to forgive myself for not knowing better, for making mistakes, and I always remind myself that I am human. In connection with this, I work on letting go of any regrets I have. It's easier said than done, I know. It's important for me to remember that I can't change the past, so dwelling on any regrets doesn't help me. What I can do is learn from them and do better.
I know it's hard. But it really does get better. I have lost FP's and thought the entire world was ending and that I would never recover. I still think about them sometimes, but it's such a dull ache that I barely notice it. It might always hurt a little, but it will be manageable.
Here are some other coping ideas.
You can do this.
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on the note of yj in owaw im also thinking about this bit of tim narration from yj98 #36...
tim is feeling betrayed and frustrated (understandably), but what stands out to me is how he thinks of "that whole guardian fiasco". in the earlier yj owaw tie-in, he and the others express disapproval of kon for "stealing government property":
they let it go at the end to move on, but...
but like, the baby in question is a cadmus clone (just like superboy himself), cloned from a man who expressly wished that he not be cloned and forced back into the fight after his death.
as an aside, clone baby guardian arc is possibly the BEST in sb94 - it's about bodily autonomy and the humanity and personhood of clones, and the dignity that should be afforded to all people vs the way waller & spence etc want to treat them as property and disposable, reusable weapons.
so i think overall tim and the rest of yj talking about that situation like this... well, those plot threads overall got dropped in the general aftermath of owaw, but it feels like a real missing scene to me. because realistically, given everything kon stands for and everything he went through for baby guardian's sake, to give him the right to choose, i think tim and the others all talking about it like "it's the government so they must be right" would not sit well with kon. (and frankly, would be a pretty solid in-universe reason for kon to further mistrust their orders re: rescuing the suicide squad members, leading up to him disobeying and trying to save steel.)
owaw is arguably the most serious conflict anyone in yj has been involved in up to this point (kon and bart were both present for genesis, but genesis wasn't... Like This, imo. kon was also involved at the destruction of coast city, but this is kind of a tangent.) my point is, up until this point, they are all kinda operating under the assumption that the government is generally on the side of the good guys. this is partly bc of how comics are written, of course, but also makes sense as an in-universe stance for most young heroes to take; tim in particular is definitely a lawful good, and at this point he doesn't understand that his personal rules don't always 100% line up with what the greater authority of The Government dictates.
kon is a contrast to this, because kon does not have the whole "grew up with a family as a part of normal society" backstory like tim and cassie do. kon's involvement with cadmus, a government-funded organization, generally is written such that cadmus are good, except that the closer we get to owaw, the more questionable their intent seems. we see the agenda and their push for eugenics. we see guardian being treated as a tool and not a person. we see waller taking over.
anyways, all of this is kind of to say - i think it's a real shame we don't actually see a big conversation between tim and kon in the aftermath of this. i want to SEE tim get that first real big crack in his worldview that makes him start to think that huh. maybe if lying to small time authority figures for the sake of doing good, like me lying to my dad about being robin, is justified... then maybe directly disobeying the law in the name of doing good is also justified. like, i want kon to look him in the eye and ask "do you think i'm government property, too, then, jackass?" and i want tim to have to really sit back and think on it. i wanna see that character development.
because like - it is a flawed viewpoint, that tim and the rest of yj were written to treat kon trying to free a baby like this. but it's also not an unrealistic one when they're all teenagers who haven't really necessarily had to face moral quandaries of "what's right vs what's lawful" with such high stakes before. i wish this plot had actually gone more places with everyone.
#rimi talks#all of this to say ....... missing scene fic when#maybe i make this part of my kon & steel agenda after i work on the kon & lois agenda sdkfjfh#sorry for the longass post. i just have SO many thoughts#kon#tim#guardian
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List of headcannons because I feel like it
Chosen is generally a hungry person
In AvA II and III, Chosen really decided to just go munch on almost everything. Settings buttons, whole ass fonts and texts like he's PacMan or smth... so I like to think that this stems from Cho just liking to eat in general
Like, if he gets stressed he gets hungry. You give him comfort food on a bad day, he'd feel a lot better. He likes eating that much. Though I can imagine him having to restrain himself due to the very active lifestyle he lives (and a possible intense fasting and workout regime to sustain his body the best it can so he can fite)
2. The Hollowheads are crybabys
Some more than others, but I like to think that every generation of Hollowheads is in some way or another a crybaby. Vic and Cho have, like, a LOT worth crying over. Stress, anxiety, depression, nostalgia even... but you'll never see them crying in front of anyone. They're hunkering down someplace private, popping out the fine glasses, fixing theyselves a martini or a shot and drinking the night away (#justiceforchoandviclivers)
Meanwhile your two little shits, Dark and Sec are more so on the spoiled side of crying. Dark just seems like the type who would cry easily as a preteen and throw a whole fit over a lot of things. He likely carried this with him into adulthood, though I can picture Cho helping him practice to keep it under wraps.
Second is just very emotional in general, and he's also been somewhat sheltered so he tends to have bigger reactions to new things. He seems like the type who would cry if you put him in enough pressure. Full on sink to the floor, sob in his hands and scream at everyone to get out the room and then just lay down and cry silently. Kinda like the Box episode
3. The Hollowheads and Noogai were a family in the past.. for a little while
This is sort of morphing into an AU, but for the damnest reason I'm so fixated on this... the idea of Dark and Cho locating Noogai's new PC and returning to him after realizing living in the Outernet sucks with no food or shelter. Victim being this gentle but wise ghost who haunts Alan's devices and fulfills his role as Dark and Cho's oldest brother. Dark and Cho would actually have a healthy, non-destructive relationship with each other AND Alan, and they were actually a family
Then Second is drawn, TCO's return, and suddenly Chosen feels more drawn to the baby than he does to his scrawny little brother. As years go by and Second learns to walk and talk and play and learn about life, Dark is now a preteen and grows more bitter to Chosen, feeling as though he's been betrayed an abandoned. Granted, Chosen rarely hung out with him like they used to. Essentially, Noogai was the caring but severely absent father, Chosen was the stressed older sibling trying not to crack for everyone's sake, Dark was the enigmatic, bitter middle child, and Second growing up in the ever increasing hostile environment, with Victim being the peacekeeper and keeping them all glued together.
Dark, psychotic as he is, developed the ViraBlade in the hopes of erasing Second for good. Cho didn't like that, they fite, Vic is powerless, and let's just say a few wrong swings leads to an almost fatal injury onto Second's little body. Pissed beyond belief, Noogai kicks the two out and then they're forced to band together to survive however they can in the Outernet. And after evaluating that they're only good for fighting, they decide there's no other option...
Meanwhile, the impact on Second's body awakened the first spurs of his power within him. And Noogai decides to heal him and use him for animation practice instead, to slowly rebuild and reshape him from the traumatic injury. He just didn't know Second would come alive again...
wow that sure dragged on...
4. Chosen is emotionally bound to Second
Since Second is basically the reincarnation of Chosen, I like to think they're more connected than even Noogai realizes. Chosen loves the little guy more than you'd know, and would honestly do anything for him. I'd like to imagine that throughout season 3 of AvA, Chosen's gonna be catching a lot of bullets for his little bro
He probably also does it out of regret of failing to do the same for Dark, and now his trauma is being projected into his actions. He is very overprotective of Second but he tries his hardest to keep himself on the ground, and understands that Second is old enough to keep himself safe. If only he knew, though...
5. Victim and Second are identical in appearance
While Second may be the Chosen One's "Return", I don't think it means his entire appearance has to revolve around that . I actually like to think that he has a frightening resemblance to Victim. If you pulled down their hair, and gave them the same clothes.. he'd look exactly like him. Only littler.
Because realistically, Second is living the life that Victim could've had the chance to live. And there are a lot of parallels in his life compared to Victim's. Second's gang is rainbow colored, Victim's is black and white. Second is a creator, Victim comes off as a distruptor. Second's environment is warm and bright and welcoming, Victim's whole facility is so bland and lacks color, it's almost unfriendly.
#alan becker#alan becker headcannons#ava the second coming#ava the dark lord#ava the chosen one#ava victim#noogai#animator vs animation#ava brother hc#ava hollowheads#ava au
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🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 congratulations on 100 followers, darling!!!!! You deserve the love and even more :3
I do have a prompt suggestion hehe. Of course it's my darling Theo, and I was rather fond of the prompt "I can't stop thinking about you". I read it and had such a dreamy sigh hehe.
Thank you!! 🥰❣ I am glad to celebrate with you!
Ikemen Vampire - Theo x Reader
Words: 2,216
Summary: When you and Theo finally thought things would settle between you, a brief illness had him trying to protect you again and a series of overreactions from both of you led to your first fight. Now it was Theo's birthday, and he really feared he had driven you away right when he had the solution to keep you safe and keep you close
Tags: Canon ending divergence, Making up after a fight, Romantic Fluff
Request from my 100 Followers Celebration. Prompts for it were from @anyfandomfluffbingo
this was actually the fic I planned to post for Theo's birthday, but I'm really late to it.
I wrote and discarded so much for this and had difficulty with deciding which scenes and POVs to keep. In the end I kept only one scene and it was from Theo's POV. But I can post another scene at the beginning, and the version of this one from Reader's OV later if you want.
IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist / AO3 Link
Theo knew Vincent had been planning something, but with how often he left the house, the party was not what he was expecting.
Besides, Theo was already happy enough with the rest of his day he’d spent with his brother. There was only anything he wanted for his birthday, and he doubted you would be there.
He’d been such an idiot, trying to push you away when the solution to all your problems was quite obvious. But when he finally realized it, he thought you had made a drastic decision to solve it instead.
The fact it was a joke was relieving now but, when it happened, it annoyed him that you would play with something so serious.
That didn’t excuse his following behavior. And if you had made that joke, maybe it meant you were thinking about it. But that didn’t mean you had to run away like that.
Had he scared you that badly? Theo didn’t think he’d gotten that angry. But he wasn’t that good at expressing himself and understanding other people. He might have said something wrong.
That was the only reason he could think why you had left without a word, but nobody else was acting as if there was something wrong with it.
You wouldn’t have returned to your time because of such a fight, right?
Theo scanned the room as he walked in, but he was right. There was no sight of you anywhere.
The other guys, though, soon surrounded him, offering their well wishes. It was hard to say who did so out of a feeling of obligation, because on his past birthdays he barely saw some of them, others only casually greeted him through the day, and the only ‘parties’ were usually a dinner Comte organized, and some of them looked like they were forced to attend.
Not that they hated each other, but the only person Theo had gotten somewhat close to, even of the guys he’d lived with for longer, was Arthur. And maybe Leonardo, but Theo’s attempts to connect with him were through art, but Leonardo seemed to have mostly given up using his talents.
Part of it was his fault, of course. He’d been too focused on his job and his revenge to even consider connecting with anyone. Another part was some of their own social abilities.
Arthur was the only one who didn’t approach him during the exchange, stopping Isaac instead, as soon as the physician awkwardly walked away.
So when the crowd finally broke apart, Theo cast another glance around the room, looking for Vincent this time, but did not find his brother, either.
Theo turned to the door, intent on leaving to look for him, when the door slowly opened, and instead of Vincent, his gaze met your nervous but quite shining one.
But before Theo could rush to you, Arthur finally decided to pop up right before him.
“Sorry for not coming around earlier, old boy. I wanted some space to greet my best friend properly.”
Theo wanted to believe Arthur chose the timing on purpose, but that would imply some form of conspiracy he didn’t want to believe Vincent would be a part of.
“I thought Isaac was your new best friend, and I was finally free of your headaches.”
Theo looked past Arthur to see you talking happily with Comte on the other side of the room.
It was his first chance to take in the full sight of you, and the pretty dress that made you look even more stunning. A little too much for the public with how it highlighted your best features.
“Aren’t you funny, Theo?” Arthur tried to get his attention back. “We should go out for drinks again soon.”
“Haven’t we gone out enough this week? Although that was just you tagging along in my free time.”
“I mean a normal guys’ night, like we used to have. You have been sulking this whole week.”
Had he really been that bad? Theo noticed he’d been going out for drinks more often, independently of Arthur going along or not, but he wasn’t drinking more than usual on these trips, and had been working as usual. Theo knew he hadn’t been feeling all that great, rethinking your fight, what he could have done and where could you have gone, but he thought he’d been hiding it well.
“Anyway, happy birthday!” Arthur patted his back.
“I would offer you a drink, but it seems like you have something else in mind.”
Arthur winked before walking away, only to be replaced by Comte, who had left your side already. And while Arthur let him pass on the drink, Comte brought him one, pulling him around to call a toast to him.
In the meantime, Theo watched Arthur discretely approach you, and strike a conversation right after the toast and immediately made his way over.
“Would you give me the honor of one dance, to celebrate our reunion?” Theo heard Arthur ask as he approached.
By the awkward smile you gave him, you had no intention of accepting, but was too polite to tell him to fuck off. So Theo crossed the rest of the way and wrapped an arm around your waist, making you jump. But as you realized it was him, you relaxed.
“Go play with your dog and get your hands off mine, Arthur.”
“Yours, Old Chap? I thought she was up for adoption after you were so intent on kicking her out?”
“Do you really think I will take a lecture from someone who can’t be serious about a relationship to save his life? Or at least what little is left of his dignity?” Theo turned away from Arthur, unable to stand the way his friend smiled at him and the way he looked at you. “Hier, Hondje.” He called for you as he walked towards the door.
Although Arthur was right. He shouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t listen.
He walked into the hallway outside, and didn’t go far before you rushed out after him.
As the door closed behind you, he could still hear Arthur on the other side.
“Don’t mind us. Go ahead and have fun.”
Of course he knew what he was doing, and Theo felt even worse that he had fallen for it. There was no doubt Arthur approached each of you when he did on purpose.
Theo didn’t dare look back at you after that, as he made his way to a nearby balcony, only conscious of your footsteps following him.
“You didn’t need to talk like that in front of everyone.” You complained as soon as the two of you found yourselves alone.
Theo dared a side glance at you, to find you quite flustered, but it looked more like it was of embarrassment than anger, despite how you sounded.
Of course the fact you actually listened to him, to complain only in private, didn’t help your case either.
“You came, didn’t you? Like the good puppy you are.” Theo reached out to pat your head, but stopped halfway.
He couldn’t just pretend everything would be back to normal before he at least apologized.
“But,” and he couldn’t believe he was ever considering it, “Arthur is right. I have no right to claim you when I was the one who pushed you away. Again. You deserve someone who will take proper care of you.”
“I’m the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have made such a careless joke. Neither refused to tell you when the reason I went away had nothing to do with our fight.”
Theo sighed.
“Yes. You shouldn’t have made such a stupid joke. But I shouldn’t have yelled either.” This time he did touch your face. “I messed up.” He moved his hand to the back of your head, nudging you closer. “I thought about everything we had, and everything we could have. Everything I would be giving up if I let you go. And I realized losing you would be a bigger sacrifice than any other decision I could take.”
“That’s how I feel too. I know you want to protect me, but don’t push me away to do so.” You rested a hand over his chest. “You’re not going to lose me because I decided to stay.”
Stay. You were so prepared to, not only sacrifice everything but also risk your life to stay with him. But that only strengthened his resolve to follow up with what he decided while you were away.
“I still can’t protect you from getting sick, but I realized I could go back with you, instead. Keep you safe, and keep you close.”
“Would you really leave Vincent, to live with me in the future?”
That was the hard part, but the more he thought about it, the more he was certain that was the best decision. Unless there was a way he didn’t have to choose.
It was funny how you stared at him with such disbelief, but he had to admit it was surprising even for him when he first thought of it. But that disbelief from you quickly gave way to radiant smile as tears pooled at the corner of your eyes, and you tightened your hold on his clothes.
“If that is his decision.” Theo explained, whipping away your tears. “I have been chasing him for so long, but I realized it is time we live our own lives, and if we have to do so far away from each other… But I would like to ask him to come with us. All you told me about art in your time, it would be easier to share his work and with many more people. He could live somewhere nearby, and we would still have our privacy. But I haven’t asked him yet. And this party today… I had such a bad feeling he didn’t plan it just for my birthday, but also as a farewell party.”
“Really? Because I thought he planned the party as a means to distract the others and get us time to talk.” You laughed, then shook your head, lowering your gaze for a moment, before looking up at him again. “But as happy as you making such decisions on my behalf makes me, I think we shouldn’t make it final yet. You bring such good to this world, Theo. Your work is harder here, but it’s also more necessary. The artists of this time are lucky to have you helping them, and I can tell this makes you happy. I don’t want to stop doing that because of me. Can’t we think a little more about it before we really decide?”
You were thinking of other people, even now. Although it was true, it made him happy to help talented artists thrive, and it was harder for them to do so in this period. But he didn’t intend to let you sacrifice everything you built for him. Now just wasn’t the best time to convince you, not with how he felt.
“Fine. We can discuss this later."
Pulling you closer, Theo finally kissed you. He had missed being able to do so. Your warmth, your taste… It felt like years since he last had any of it.
“Happy birthday, Theo.” You whispered when he let you go, your face quite flushed. “Shouldn’t we save this for later and get back to the party?”
“No. I don’t plan to let you go back there tonight. Everyone is so eager for your attention.”
“They’re just glad I’m back. And Arthur also teasing you a little. But they’re all there to celebrate your birthday. I will stay close, if you want to return.”
“By now they should know all I want for my birthday is to enjoy my best gift ever. You.” He kissed you again. “I don’t know how you did it, but I can’t live without you. I can’t stop thinking about you.” Not when you weren't there and his thoughts were filled with longing, neither when you were by his side, and he was now filed with love and sometimes this burning desire for more than just your presence.
Before you could protest, he captured your lips again, in a deeper kiss, happy that you didn’t even try to resist. Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck, as his other hand encircled your waist, mostly supporting you as you had to stand on your tiptoes to be at a proper height for him to kiss.
Theo nipped at your bottom lip, and you opened your mouth, letting him in. He tried to pull you even closer and deepen the kiss mire, even when you were practically pressed to him already. Desire burned within him, from his throat as the bloodlust intensified, to… lower regions. Everything in him clamored for more of you. Every kiss was almost immediately followed by another, barely giving either of you time to breathe.
He only released you when your body nearly collapsed in his arms, both of you panting, his own head dizzy, but Theo picking you up.
“Was it too much already, Hondje?” You shook your head weakly, and he smirked. “Good. Because I’m just starting with you. It’s my birthday and I will enjoy my gift. Thoroughly.”
Tag List: @yarnnerdally, @tele86, @nightghoul381, @natimiles, @bicayaya, @2-lines-and-a-circle, @vampiricpancake, @eventinelysplayground, @specters0rd
If you want to be tagged/untagged on future writings, even if it's in specific contents, you can reply to this post or send me a message
IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist
#Fang's 100 Followers Celebration#anyfandomfluffbingo#ikemen vampire#ikevamp theo#ikevamp#fanfiction#ikevamp fanfic
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Do you have any thoughts on Yoda's “Miss them do not, mourn them do not,” line to Anakin in ROTS?
I'm aware of the context in which he gives it, that being Anakin wanting advice regarding concerning premonitions he's been having, while also being vague about them due to how they concern the subject of a relationship he knows very well is forbidden to a Jedi. And I don't consider it the crux of his advice there - I feel like he's ultimately trying to tell Anakin to accept the inevitability of loss and learn to move on from it, a lesson he'll inevitably fail at - but I have recently had someone claim to me that the line indicates the Jedi reject the idea of a grieving process (as if they aren't shown holding or attending funerals in TPM and TCW).
Part of what fans don't always understand about Yoda is that he can't always be taken LITERALLY because he is intended to be someone whose dialogue makes you think. The fucked up grammar and syntax is there by design to force you as a listener to think about what he said more.
So what Yoda is saying very literally amounts to "don't feel bad when people die because instead you're supposed to feel happy" when what he means on a deeper level is "don't lose yourself to your grief and instead accept that death is a natural part of life that no one can change" with the added comfort of "the people you love will rejoin the Force which you can always literally feel and connect to."
The other line of Yoda's that I think gets taken too literally is when Yoda makes the comment to Obi-Wan about Jedi becoming arrogant in AOTC. Taken literally, Yoda is condemning the entire Order, or at least a certain generation of it. But I think the subtext of it is supposed to be that Obi-Wan PERSONALLY is becoming arrogant and it's something he should think about and reflect on, especially as it relates to his relationship to his younger student.
We see a good in-universe example of the process you're intended to go through in Rebels where Kanan throws out the "do or do not, there is no try" line at Ezra without having any clue what it means and he has to admit to as much when Ezra asks for an explanation. But by the end of that episode, he's been forced to think about it more and he DOES get it and is capable of explaining it to Ezra. It was a line that seemed simple, which is why he thought he could just say it to Ezra and have it work, but it didn't do anything until Kanan took the extra time to really think about what Yoda MEANT by it and how to apply it to his own struggles. Taken very literally, Yoda is telling people not to try which feels very negative and discouraging. But it's not a line that's meant to be taken literally in the first place and anyone who's thought about the line and the context of it for longer has figured out what Yoda is actually saying, which is more about the importance of commitment to a goal.
So when Yoda says "miss them do not, mourn them do not" to Anakin, you COULD interpret it literally as an indication that the Jedi have no sort of grieving process, but I think that's doing a disservice to Yoda as a character and the way his dialogue is often intended to be understood on a less literal level.
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How do you think of Kara Zor-El in your DC verse? I saw some really good meta on her being a lot more angry than Kal, since to her PoV she lost Krypton very recently, and actually participated in Kryptonian culture before coming to Earth
I have plans! Many plans! I notice Kara's character has gone through many characterization shifts, so my aim is to make a take that feels holistic to all that while still feeling new. Basically something that recognizes the fun and joy of the character along with her pain and tragedy. And most importantly, how it expands on Superman's immigrant allegory themes as someone with a closer connection to Krypton.
I'll let y'all in on the timeline I have been scheming in my head since it's more fleshed out by now: I'm mentally cooking up a prologue to how Kara was discovered that hints at her backstory, then afterwards we will learn about her through Conner's perspective which leads up to a reveal about her past! Superfam has the potential to talk about the tension between several generations of diaspora and I want to do right by that! Conner + Kara's relationship and how they connect to Kal is ripe for drama that I'm so excited to share with y'all. I just have to hit some story beats to develop Conner and then the JesnCin takes on Kara Zor-El arc can begin.
#askjesncin#one of the reasons I'm not watching maws s2 is “what do you MEAN they're introducing Kara already don't piss me off”#spite just tends to poison my creative motives- like even for Lois Liando I had to take time to process maws!Lois#before writing Liando the way I did. I don't want my take to feel combative if that makes sense
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Mmm I'm curious about how would Ran, Rindou and Izana (add whoever you like) would react if they see us dancing, in general, for example, we are dancing to a song we like and we don't notice they are there or something like that?? Thxx♡♡
Hi! Thanks for the request! This was really fun. I tried to make the scenario for each one unique. I will say that Rindou’s is my personal favorite. I hope you like it!
Izana, Ran, and Rindou w/ a Fem Reader Who They See Dance for the First Time
Izana Kurokawa
Izana is a very observant person
Nothing gets past him
So, one day he was walking past your room and he saw movement.
Like choreographed movement.
He peaked in and saw that you were dancing
Like really well
He was impressed
He thought you should be a professional
When you saw he was watching you freaked out a little
More or less in shock
You explained that you took dance as a kid and loved it, but quit because you got busy
He said next time you wanna dance, he play the music for you
Ran Haitani
Oh Ran.
So the two of you were at a wedding
Fun times!
They asked all couples to come on the dance floor for a fun dance.
Ran didn’t want to so you basically dragged him
Once on, he realized it was a ballroom dance.
Even worse.
So you offered to help him
You were so graceful
And patient
You taught ballroom dance for a few months
Like Izana, Ran was so impressed with your dancing
Later that night, he asked you if you’d always be his dance partner
Of course, you said yes
Rindou Haitani
Unlike the other two, Rindou knew you could dance.
He just never actually saw you dance
You were starting a girl group
Because why not
And you were the main dancer
So one day he was picking you up from practice
Of course all your fellow members loved him
He is a canon green flag after all
He asked to see your group perform
And you guys were good
Like Blackpink levels
I’m a BLINK btw (my bias is Jisoo)
He was so impressed
He had a feeling you guys would be a bit group one day
Please do not copy, modify, translate or repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs and likes are highly appreciated!
#first division girl#tokyo revengers#tokyo rev#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyo rev headcanons#tokyo rev hcs#tr headcanons#tr hcs#rindou x y/n#rindou haitani#rindou x reader#tokyo revengers rindou#tokrev rindou#tr rindou#rindou haitani headcanons#Haitani Rindou headcanons#haitani ran#ran x y/n#ran haitani#ran x reader#ran haitani x reader#ran haitani headcanons#izana headcanons#izana kurokawa#izana x reader#izana tokyo revengers#izana x you
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In celebration of me officially reaching 100 HOURS of fucking around in Hades 2, here's a couple of general gameplay tips from yours truly!
Preface
I am not the best Hades gamer out there, but I'd like to think I'm doing pretty good considering my still-standing 25+ win streak in the Underworld and 16 Fear clear on all weapon types, so this tip is meant for you guys who find Hades 2 weirdly difficult compared to the first game (I've been there!), or those who still haven't figured out good build and aspect combos. However, I will not be doing a deep dive of all the bosses except for the final bosses!
Obviously, spoilers abound under the cut, so tread with caution!!
Part 1: General Questions, Comments, Complaints, etc.
Q: Playing Melinoë is so difficult compared to Zagreus!
A: First of all, you are playing Melinoë, not Zagreus. Second of all, you are playing Lv. 1 Mel after being so used to Lv. 100 Zag (if you've spent an unreasonable amount of time playing Hades 1 like I did). These two have different playstyles! I myself am guilty of this mindset in my first 20 hours of gameplay.
Mel is all about using everything in your disposal to dispatch enemies. Additionally, the devs have designed the kit in such a way that none of your moves are an afterthought that you occasionally use every other room. The biggest example of this is Cast, which remains useful as a crowd control (CC) move even without a Boon attached to it. Use your Cast all the time!
Additionally, in case you haven't realized it, you can still move while charging your Omega Cast; however, the AoE will not follow you unless you have Local Climate (Demeter).
Don't forget that you can hold down Dash to Sprint. Lock enemies in place with Cast then sprint away if you need breathing room. However, do remember that you do not have i-frames while sprinting, only when dashing.
I have to concede that as of the current EA patch, dashing to dodge attacks still feels janky without the Swift Runner card, mostly because of the dash start-up animation being slightly but noticeably slower than Zag's dashes. However, after several runs with the Judgment card (where I can't activate Swift Runner, and that it might not activate further in the run), the rhythm of dashing with and without it is just muscle memory now. Keep practicing!
Q: Melinoë feels so squishy/slow/weak/etc.!
A: Hades 2 does feel much more Early Game Hellish™ than Hades 1, which imo is mostly because of the Arcana system's complexities.
You need various resources to unlock an Arcana, then you need sufficient Grasp to actually use the Arcana, THEN some Arcana have prerequisites for activation so you can't just use anything and everything you want. Very unlike H1, where you can just dump exactly one resource type into levelling the Mirror upgrades and the only true constraint is choosing one side of the Mirror over the other.
To mitigate the squishiness, Frinos with a fully upgraded Life Bond gives you a free 40 base HP. I prefer him over Toula because I fucking suck at bullet hells and Frinos eats up all those projectiles without flinching too much, and some enemies are really fucking annoying with their projectile attacks. Looking at you, hourglass thingies in Tartarus.
Another thing to note is that The Wayward Son card is a buffed version of Zag's health regen on room exit. At max level it heals 4 HP (8 if you're low), which also makes Chaos gate health drains trivial in Erebus and Oceanus, so go grab those Chaos boons.
If you think surviving against Chronos/Eris is difficult, try having at least 200-220 HP (adjust depending on Fear settings) before entering the fight. The Centaur and Titan cards are useful to achieve this. If you run a Hephaestus build, the Boon that adds HP based on Magick is also great!
Q: The Bosses in Hades 2 are more difficult... please help!
A: I see this observation often, but in my experience, the H2 bosses bar Chronos and Eris are actually significantly easier than the H1 bosses. Your experience gap between dealing with H1 and H2 bosses could also contribute. But anyways, here's some tips for each boss:
Hecate
The transformation Hex counts as a projectile and can be blocked by Frinos. If you haven't unlocked Frinos, simply dash back and forth into the hex (essentially abusing your dash i-frame) and it will eventually dissipate. Don't try to outrun it.
(Frinos ate the hex before I could fully demonstrate the dodging lol)
If you DO get transformed, dash and attack repeatedly to prevent Hecate's attacks from hitting you, because your attack in sheep form is a charge forward that helps add extra distance while waiting for the dash cooldown to end.
Scylla and the Sirens
They killed me an unreasonable amount of times early game because there's so damn much going on the screen, so my tip for that is kill the drummer first. The guitarist's arsenal is much less dangerous and her dash attack is heavily telegraphed. Even if the guitarist is the featured artist, I would still kill the drummer first. Additionally, the Night Bloom Hex* works in this fight. Have fun!
Infernal Beast
Mostly immobile boss that can't really turn around with heavily telegraphed attacks, so the easiest trick is to just stand behind it for free backstab damage and don't get hit. Paired with the massive hitbox, the boss becomes very vulnerable against Apollo/Zeus cast and Omega specials with Pan aspect on the Sister Blades.
Polyphemus
Sometimes he has sheep in the fight; if he eats them he gets healed. Gold sheep will block Omega moves in the radius indicated around them, while black sheep will charge at you. I find his most difficult attack is the boulder slam if he spots you. When he leaps, sprint away first for some distance, then dash into the shockwaves because they move FAST and staying near will guarantee you get hit.
Eris
All of her attacks count as projectiles, so Hestia's Soot Sprint turns the fight into a total joke. She also turns relatively slowly when firing; when she does the spread shots, stay directly behind her. The forward charge is also telegraphed by an animation where she rises a bit before charging, so dash towards Eris to avoid getting hit (because it also stuns you).
Chronos, in general
God I hate that bitch ass scythe throw attack SO MUCH. I find the most reliable way to dodge it is to dodge towards Chronos but in a counterclockwise direction because it always travels clockwise. DO NOT DODGE AWAY FROM HIM.
The thrown scythe counts as a projectile, so projectile slowing effects like Demeter's Cyclone debuff or Hard Target (Hermes) affect its move speed.
Additionally, Chronos himself is immune to any time-slowing effect, including from the Sorceress card, the Phase Shift Hex, and Hermes' legendary Boon. He can still damage you during the time stop in the Hex casting animation.
Lastly, the ring explosions that come after his slashing attacks are unblockable by any "Block" move e.g. Axe special.
Chronos, 2nd phase
He always begins the phase with a full screen attack that does 999 damage unless you stand in the highlighted safe spots... or if you have Coarse Grit (Demeter Infusion) that lets you take no more than 15 damage per hit (lol). The clock hands will also kill you this way, so stand well clear of its radius. When he does this attack he will stand in place, which if you're lucky lets you get a guaranteed Omega Cast or Total Eclipse strike, and even one or two fully charged Pan aspect specials if the "safe spot" is near him.
(* Night Bloom has an unintended interaction with the Judgment arcana that causes its effects to be triggered multiple times in the Scylla fight. I've reported this as a bug, but I guess you could abuse it until the next patch lol)
Q: What is your Arcana setup?
A: This! I find this to be the easiest setup for activating the Divinity card and also the "safest" build, with the drawback of being unable to change room rewards/Boon and Well of Charon offerings.
If I wanted more challenge, I would activate everything in the third row, and use the remaining 3 Grasp for either The Huntress or Death, depending on weapon:
When I do a Judgment arcana run, I only activate The Wayward Son, Eternity, and Excellence; the bonus with Judgment is that it also automatically activates The Queen, and keeps it active no matter how many more cards it activates later.
If you have yet to max out your Grasp and want to play it safe, the cards I recommend to prioritize are Eternity > Excellence > Origination > The Swift Runner/The Sorceress > The Titan > The Furies/The Moon/The Huntress/ > Night/The Unseen.
Extra tip: The Moon synergizes very well with pure damage Omega Casts e.g. Apollo, Zeus, Poseidon because it adds to the base damage. Naturally, this makes Apollo cast busted as hell.
Q: What are your recommended Keepsakes? How do I use them?
A: The ones from Hecate, Odysseus, Nemesis, Moros, and Narcissus. If you're good at not getting hit, Arachne's because it continuously stacks Armor per location as long as you stay above 1 Armor. Recently I've also been messing around with Chaos', which has been fun.
To elaborate:
Silver Wheel (Hecate) lets you regen Magick automatically, which was great for me in very early game until I got the hang of every Gain boon and evaluated which are the best ones. Essentially, it's a good crutch for learning how the game works. However, do note that the Keepsake regen is prioritized over any other Magick regeneration effects.
Knuckle Bones (Odysseus) is also a similarly useful early game crutch if you have difficulty against bosses or need to take a run to analyze their moves (very appropriate). It also gives you all-damage reduction against bosses. And fun fact: bring it to the Polyphemus fight multiple times for some unique interactions!
Evil Eye (Nemesis) is just a straightforward free ~30% universal damage bonus against the last enemy that killed you. Since mine was Chronos... well, let's just say I almost never spend a single DD in his fights ever since.
Engraved Pin (Moros) is functionally a better Stubborn Defiance. Triggering its effect will be prioritized over consuming a Death Defiance, and it works ONCE PER ROOM which is fucking amazing as a learning crutch and in high Fear runs. One of my favorite strategies if 1) my HP falls below the Pin's healing threshold, 2) its effect has not been triggered yet, and 3) I am 100% sure the encounter is about to end, I just die on purpose, kill everything that's left, and get a free heal.
Aromatic Phial (Narcissus) rarifies a random Common boon when you drink from a Fountain, which helps massively in no-Arcana runs or runs without Excellence/Divinity. It could also help if you grabbed Hera's Uncommon Grace but are unable to activate it because you have a Common boon. Lastly, the extra Fountain heal helps with survivability.
On the topic of Keepsakes, I encourage you to use the Olympian Keepsakes, because they now have the ability to increase the rarity of non-Infusion/Duo/Legendary Boons up to a certain rarity threshold and not just help you aim where your current build is going.
Rarification works especially well with Demeter's Rare Crop; one time Heroic Rare Crop managed to rarify my Attack, Special, and Cast somehow and I ended up blazing through Tartarus and Chronos like it was nothing.
End Notes (For Now)
I have some more tips prepared, but I'd like to know before I compile the next one:
Aand that's it for now. If I got something wrong or you know anything relevant to what I've shared above, do tell me in the replies so I can edit!
TL;DR: Don't forget to use Cast, get used to dodging with and without Swift Runner card, grab Chaos boons in early regions, be patient with grinding for upgrades, keep practicing, and have fun :)
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Lives Worth Living Chapter 3
General ISAT Spoilers possible below
"Oh hey, welcome back Sif! You're just in time, Bonnie's finishing up dinner now"
"Where's Loop? They shouldn't miss dinner!... Wait... Can Loop actually eat food?" (You pause... Mira brings up a very good point actually...)
"Uhh… I'm actually not sure... But they said don't wait up, they uh... have some stuff to think about." (You respond, worried about them, but just glad to be back with your family for now. You take a seat at the table next to Isabeau, placing your hand in his and entwining your fingers, laying your head on his shoulder with a content sigh... wait... why is everyone staring at you?)
"Uhh… S-Sif?..." (Isa asked, you could feel he was incredible tense all of the sudden, his palm soaking wet, even shaking a little... OH STARS! You quickly pull away, face burning darker as you realize what just happened. It was a leftover reflex from your former life. It was so natural you didn't even think about doing it. Mirabelle just gave a cute giggle and smile, almost as if she was enjoying one of her silly romance books.)
"I didn't expect you to be so forward Siffrin." (Odile noted with a raised brow and a bit of a smirk, seeming to at least be glad the two of you were progressing in the relationship.)
"I-I-... I'm sorry Isa I-I... I don't know, I wasn't thinking..." (You have no way to explain the actions you just took, just hiding your face in your cloak like you used to, tipping your hat forward as well to hide your shame.)
"N-No it's okay!... I-It... was really nice actually..." (Isa was blushing just as brightly, slowly extending his hand, inviting you to place yours in it again. You know things didn't progress this quickly before, but... it couldn't hurt to get a tiny head start, could it? You return your hand to his, the both of you just flustered and looking away, still holding hands... the entire display must look terribly stupid... but it was worth it.)
"MALANGA FRITTERS TIME!" (Bonnie shouts as they barge in, holding a large plate of your favorite dish... stopping and staring at the awkward scene before them)
"... Why's everyone being weird?"
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(You sigh some to yourself as you walked through the hall that night, it was a long day with a lot of surprises, so it was nice to finally have a moment to yourself, heading for the living space to relax on your own, only to find...)
"Siffrin... I don't mean to force you, but considering everything that happened recently, I think you'll understand why I feel the need to pry. You've been acting strange, and not in the expected way. Do you care to explain?" (Odile... always so crabbing smart... She sat there with a serious yet caring face, and she clearly wouldn't let this go easily... Oh boy, how to handle this?)
"Are you sure you wanna open this can of worms right now?"
"I promise you I won't tell the other's unless I absolutely feel the need to, if that would make you feel better."
"... I watched you die Odile... I watched you take your last breath... 30 years from now." (Odile's expression quickly shifted from studious to shocked, horrified even. She takes a while to process this, and will likely need longer than she'd allow herself)
"Tell you what... bring a bottle, we'll have some fun with it, hehe~" (You instruct, shifting to a bittersweet look, and 'winking'. This seems to relieve at least some of Odile's worry, nodding and getting up to find a trusty bottle of vodka.)
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That's the end of this chapter but if anyone wants to suggest questions for Odile to ask in Sus 2: Electric Boogaloo, I'd love to hear them!~
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Hi it's just to let you know that the official romanization of Revaan's name is Raverne ! Also they have romanized Baul's name to Baur !
Twst coming back at us again with the least expected romanization! thank you everybody (oh god my inbox) (no it's great, I literally asked for this and the reactions have been INCREDIBLE, thank you all!)
I do like Raverne though, I think it's got a nice fancy sound to it! (I had kinda suspected it was going to be an R instead of an L, so the fact that it's SO close to Laverne except for that is hilarious to me personally.) and Dragoneye Duke is honestly probably the best translation for his title, I wasn't envying the localizers that one. :') Baur instead of Baul I was NOT expecting, but in retrospect I think his name's supposed to be a reference to the Bauru crocodile, so that actually makes way more sense!
someone else also said Meleanor has become Maleanor, which is the REALLY weird one to me, because I was so surprised it was written as Mel instead of Mal in the first place?! oh god no I can't decide which one I like better. 😭 (I wonder if they might change it to Mal...they have made romanization changes before) (like I remember House of Distraction being corrected to House of Destruction in Playful Land) (I did check and she's still Mel for now, but I dunno, they might Mal her up and some point and save me from having to make a decision about which one to use) (HECK I CAN'T DECIDE)
uhhhh thank you for letting me ramble about anime names, let's just say MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS FOR EVERYONE
#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 4 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 4 spoilers#mel is so cute but mal fits with the rest of the draconias better#eng version no you were supposed to save me not make things MORE confusing#anyway raverne huh#that uh. that sure feels like it's supposed to evoke raven doesn't it.#what does it mean WHAT DOES IT MEAN#hold on i'm going to flail around embarrassingly about anime character theories now#(okay first a disclaimer: i do think we need to sit down as a fandom at some point)#(and have a discussion about exactly what is actual canon versus meta speculation versus jokes)#(because i think there has been. some confusion. over that re:crowley and raverne specifically)#(but i do feel justified in being like THEY ARE PROBABLY CONNECTED SOMEHOW RIGHT?! right now)#like i really don't think it's as simple as crowley being raverne but with memory loss or something#(and if they pull that on us i'm going to need an EXTREMELY good explanation to go with it to justify that)#they've gone out of their way several times now to make a point about them acting and sounding different and it feels very intentional to m#(and once again: i super 100% absolutely do not believe that lilia wouldn't recognize him with the top half of his face covered)#i just think the contradictions are a lot stronger than the connections right now but there ARE some connections and i'm 👀ing at them#to be fair the connections are mostly meta like crowley being diablo/raverne being evocative of raven#also the general 'raverne mysteriously disappeared and apparently had distinctive eyes' thing#versus 'crowley's past is unknown and he never shows his eyes'#(i will argue that crowley DOES seem to have some kind of canon connection to briar valley)#(since he is clearly some sort of fae and the masks are a briar valley thing)#and that is kinda it right now isn't it#okay hold on i had to delete some tags because i used too many (thanks tumblr for letting me know and not just vanishing them OH WAIT)#so tl;dr: i'm in the 'crowley is connected to raverne somehow but it's more complicated than just him being in disguise' camp personally#but that will probably change as we get more info and also don't take this as an anti-speculation thing because i love theories HOORAY
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astarion origin playthrough worth it just for all the extra moments where he does the "sad wet cat" face
#bg3#bg3 spoilers#thoughts about media#astarion#*kisses his forehead* my awful little bastard man... i love you and your big sad watery eyes.#IT'S SO FUCKING QUIET THOUGH IF YOU YOURSELF ARE PLAYING HIM GOOD LORD#I'M SO USE TO HIM COMPLAINING TO MY TAV!!!!#OR BANTERING WITH HIM OR KARLACH OR WYLL!!!#I MISS HIS THEATRICS!!!!!!!#not that it's ENTIRELY quiet. until i found karlach i was travelling with shadowheart lae'zel and gale.#and let me tell you. gale and lae'zel do NOT shut the fuck up if they are together.#they were literally having an entire tinder date while we were trecking through the woods to go get karlach.#i NEVER knew they talk so much because while i've travelled with them individually in past saves...#...i've NEVER had them in my party at the same time!#gale is actually pretty nice to lae'zel! he asks a lot of questions but doesn't condescend her as he does others sometimes.#that's probably because he's afraid of her though. I would be too were I nothing more than a wizard with 8 strength.#I do like how you can look at pretty much any two companions and get a well written and generally enjoyable dynamic!#It feels like they considered that a lot of people would want to maybe pair off the companions they didn't romance with each other!#and wanted it to be easy for really any pairing to work... if a person just paid attention to their shared interactions.
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