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maidragoste · 7 months

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The Parent Trap: Chapter Two

Aegon Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader x Aemond Targaryen

Summary: After the disastrous divorce between Aemond Targaryen and Y/n Velaryon the twins Baelon and Aemon were separated. Each was raised by one of their parents. Baelon was raised by his father while Aemon was raised by his mother. Years later they both meet at a summer camp and discover the existence of the other. The twins realize that there are many secrets in their family, eager to discover their past, they put together a plan to deceive their parents.

Masterlist

Thank you for your support, I was nervous that people wouldn't like it because the fic wasn't the same as the movie so I'm very happy to read all your comments. REBLOGS, comments and likes are always appreciated 🥰🥰💕💕💕

Btw, I made two playlists for this fic. One is from Aemond and the Reader and another is from Reader and Aegon. As I keep writing I'll probably add more songs or even delete some, who knows. If you have songs for me to add or are curious to know why, you are welcome to write to me in my inbox.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

Ten years earlier

Your leg kept moving up and down. Your eyes are constantly directed to the door, expecting that at any moment Aemond would return home. You tried to distract yourself by watching TV but you were too anxious. Your mind couldn't focus on the stupid movie because all you could think about was the positive sign on the pregnancy tests you had taken that afternoon with Rhaena and Jace by your side. You regretted telling them to leave. If they were with you they would be preventing you from locking yourself in your own mind. They would make you tell them your fears and they would try to calm you down. The three of them would be making plans. You might even be practicing with Jace how the hell tell Aemond they were going to be parents.

You and Aemond would be parents. You would be a mother. You always knew you would have children, you wanted the happily ever after with the wedding and children like they always showed in the movies, but now you are terrified. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You're barely twenty-three years old, you haven't even finished your second year of editorial editing. It was assumed that when you had children you would be at least over twenty-seven, your career—a career you were truly passionate about—would be finished, you would have a good job, and you would be married. You tried to console yourself by telling yourself that at least you're in a stable relationship. You and Aemond have been dating for three years. You two knew each other since you were little because your godmother is Aemond's older sister and then you ended up attending the same school so you spent a lot of time together. You still remember like it was yesterday how nervous you were when you first kissed Aemond during New Year's. You were afraid of ruining your friendship and that things would become awkward but he didn't pull away when you kissed him he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him. That night they hid from everyone and spent the rest of the celebration kissing. The next day they started dating. From there everything was wonderful. Like any couple, you and Aemond have your run-ins—like when you argued because you didn't like the way he behaved with Jace, your best friend, or when Aemond got mad at you because you made the two of you leave the restaurant you were having a date at. to pick up a drunk Aegon in a bar again—but there was definitely more joy than displeasure in your relationship with Aemond. You saw yourself having a future with him, you could see yourself perfectly next to him in your white dress. You can imagine Aemond putting a baby to sleep while he lulls it to sleep in High Valyrian. Are you sure you want a future with Aemond. But you're terrified of his reaction to this unexpected news. What would you do if Aemond didn't want to keep the baby? You would have to break up with him. Even though you were scared, you knew you wanted to keep the baby. That was clear to you.

You heard the door open and it didn't take long for your boyfriend to enter. You got up from the couch and went to hug him. Whenever he returned home you welcomed him with a hug and kisses. This time you held on to him longer than usual, wanting to remember the feeling of Aemond's arms around you in case this was the last time.

You were about to kiss him but he turned your face away from him making your heart skip a beat. Before you could move away he gently grabbed your chin and studied you carefully. Of course, he had realized something was happening to you when you were clinging so fiercely to him.

“What's wrong?” he asked. Aemond first wanted to know what was happening to you before you kissed him.

Once again you regretted kicking Rhaena and Jace out. At least you should have taken advantage of this time alone to practice in front of the mirror how to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant. Or you could have called your parents to help you. Although knowing them they would tell you to keep the secret so that the three of them could plan a big announcement together. But you couldn't wait, you need to know now what Aemond was thinking. You needed to know whether or not he would be with you on this trip.

“Y/n?” Your boyfriend called you, feeling his concern growing with every second that you remained silent.

“I think I'm pregnant” You closed your eyes feeling frustrated with yourself and hurried to correct yourself “I mean, I'm pregnant” You tried not to panic as you felt him move away from you “I haven't had any blood tests done yet but I'm One hundred percent sure I'm pregnant. I took five pregnancy tests and they all came back positive.”Your nerves were evident because you were talking faster than normal and you couldn't stop gesturing with your hands.

Aemond felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him. This was not in his plans. Right now he was focused on opening his own publishing house, he needed to focus all of his attention on that, he didn't need a distraction and a baby would be that. Taking care of a child would take up too much time. But I couldn't tell you that. I'd be an idiot if I told you that. His mother didn't raise him to be an idiot.

“Marry me,” he said, knowing it was the right thing to do. Besides, ever since you two moved in together, he knew you were going to get married. He knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life waking up next to you, he wants your face to be the first and last thing he sees, he wants to come home and always be greeted with your kisses, he wants you to tell him about your day while the two of you have dinner, He wants to hear your theories about the TV shows you watch together. Aemond wants everything with you, even the most mundane things like going grocery shopping or walking the dogs. He loves you. The only reasons Aemond hadn't proposed to you already was because he wanted to wait until you finished college and he wanted his publishing company to be established. Planning a wedding was a big deal and you two didn't have time for that. But now it didn't matter anymore. “Marry me,” he said again with a smile as he saw how you opened your eyes and looked at him as if he were giving you the moon.

You couldn't help but laugh at yourself, feeling like an idiot for doubting Aemond. Maybe it wasn't the romantic proposal you had dreamed of but you didn't care. You were so relieved and so glad you didn't have to do this alone.

“Yes,” you responded with your heart racing and tears in your eyes. “Yes!” you repeated louder this time before throwing yourself into your fiancé's arms. You began to laugh as Aemond picked you up and spun you around. Your fears were forgotten. The only thing you felt at that moment was happiness.

Present

Aemon found it strange that when he arrived at camp Rickon was not waiting for him at the entrance like the previous years. He assumed this time that the trip had tired him too much and he went to take a nap in his cabin. So he decided to go there first instead of searching for him throughout the rest of the camp. If Rickon wasn't there at least he would leave his suitcases so he could walk comfortably.

When he entered the cabin he expected to find it empty or his best friend sleeping. He never imagined that an almost exact copy of him would be found walking back and forth all over the place. Aemon is not proud but his first reaction is to scream and throw his suitcase at him with all his might.

“Dude, what the hell?!” his copy shouted, barely managing to cum in time to avoid being hit.

“What happened?!” Rickon asked, also screaming, running out of the bathroom. “Aemon you finally arrived!” He ran to hug him.

Aemon barely moved his arms to hug Rickon but his eyes did not leave the other boy who was too similar to him. The copy of him didn't stop looking at him either, the two of them were studying each other. The only difference is that the stranger had much shorter hair than Aemon and did not have tanned skin like him. But Aemon knew that if he hadn't been sailing in the sun with his grandparents just a few days ago then he would look just like the copy of him.

"Who is he?" Aemon asked breaking the hug, no longer able to stand his curiosity. If he had encountered the copy of him years ago he would have thought that it was some kind of prank by Rickon or that maybe it was an evil clone but now he knew that it didn't make sense. The only logical explanation he could think of was that he had a missing twin but that didn't make sense because his mom would never hide something as big as this from him.

“Aemon do you need glasses? It's obvious that he's a copy of you," said the dark-haired boy, earning an angry look from the other two boys. “Don't do that, it's weird,” he complained.

“I am not Aemon's copy. In any case, he is my copy,” declared the short-haired boy.

“I met Aemon before so you are a copy of him.”

“Wait, why does he know my name?” Aemon interrupted before the other two continued fighting over who the copy was. He needed to know what was going on before he gave him a headache. Although since he saw the stranger he began to feel bad. It was disconcerting to see someone just like himself. He made him feel uncomfortable. Not even Joffrey looked that much like him, and she was his brother.

Aemon wanted to know who this boy was, why he looked so much like him, and why this was the first time he had met him. But at the same time, he was afraid. He could already sense that his life would be different after this camp. He decided to sit on the nearest bed to avoid running out and ask one of the caregivers for his cell phone to call his parents to come back to look for him. Maybe he should have let Mom walk him to the cabin like she wanted.

“Your friend thought I was you, he came up shouting your name when I was with my uncle Daeron. My uncle said that he knew you and that I should stay with Rickon until you showed up. Now I see why he insisted so much."

Aemon was sure he had heard Daeron's name before but he was sure he had never met him. Without realizing it he began to move his leg up and down trying to remember that he knew about Daeron but nothing came to mind.

“I am Baelon Targaryen,” the boy introduced himself, looking at him with concern and Aemon squeezed his leg to prevent himself from moving it further. “I think I'm your twin.”

“No,” the long-haired boy denied instantly.

“Dude, we're literally copies of each other!” Baelon said, frustration evident in his voice, pointing at Aemon and then at himself.

Rickon gave Baelon a look telling him to shut up. In the few hours that he had known him, Baelon had never seen Rickon so serious, so he crossed his arms indignantly and watched silently and attentively as Stark sat next to his twin.

“I know it seems crazy, Aemon, but I really think Baelon is right,” said the dark-haired boy, looking at his friend with concern. Rickon wouldn't know how to react either if he suddenly found out that he had a twin. “The two are copies of each other. Besides, he grew up without knowing his mom and you grew up without knowing your dad. I don't think it's a coincidence. Just like I don't think it's a coincidence that Baelon's uncle knew you."

Aemon looked at his best friend before turning his attention to his possible new brother. “When were you born?”

"June 20th. I guess just like you," said Baelon, and was satisfied when he saw that his twin nodded. "I have a photo of Mom!" He suddenly remembered the photo that he had stolen from Dad a long time ago and that he had hidden in his luggage. “You can see her and confirm that she is our mom,” he said excitedly, thinking that this way Aemon could no longer deny his relationship. He couldn't help but be excited at the thought that he was no longer alone, he had a brother. He had always seen how close his uncle Daeron was to his dad and his other uncles and he remembered wanting to have the same.

Baelon ran to grab his suitcase and began to take out all of his clothes, not caring about the mess, until he found the latest Boku no Hero manga that he was reading and triumphantly pulled out one of the pages the photo of her mother with him in her arms while she kissed his cheek, her eyes were only on him, not caring to look at the camera.

“Look,” he said, handing the photo proudly to Aemon. The photo wasn't complete, it was obvious that someone had cut it in half but Baelon didn't care. That photo was one of his most prized possessions. He looked at her every day before going to sleep because he reminded him that his mom loves him.

“Oh, shit,” Aemon muttered before handing the photo back to him.

“It's her, right?” Baelon asked, watching with anticipation as it was now Aemon who was searching for something in his suitcase. Aemon, unlike him, was not throwing his clothes everywhere. He felt his heart race when he saw how his twin took out a notebook and took something out of it.

“Is this your dad?” Aemon asked, giving him a photo. Baelon nodded several times, unable to say anything out of emotion. His dad wasn't looking at the camera but he wasn't looking at the baby he was holding either. He just looked to the side with a smile.

Baelon took both photos and placed them side by side on the bed. The photo was now complete. Dad was looking at Mom. If Baelon hadn't been so engrossed in looking at the photo then he would have noticed Aemon and Rickon exchanging glances.

“I told you we're twins!” Baelon said with a big smile once he snapped out of the shock of nudging Aemon.

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handwrittenhello · 1 year

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i think its kind of ridiculous to think that homestucks are seriously using bots in this poll because why the hell would they bot this poll instead of the tumblrwoman poll which was the poll EVERYBODY in the hs fandom was actually making a big deal out of . also because im going to be real but i dont think anyone cares about polls enough to rig one? even the bayonetta/miku poll turned out to actually not be vriska voter fraud (most people in the homestuck fandom voted miku anyway) i think people are just unable to comprehend that a lot of people are still dormantly into homestuck & probably just saw vriska serket at the front of the trending disco elysium tag and thought it was funny. like oh my godddd no one cares enough about the outcome of this poll to bot it . somebody with a lot of followers probably just posted about it on twitter or something mundane like that its not that deep . a lot of people on tumblr have read homestuck its not extraordinary that a lot of vriska voters exist. disco elysium fans im sorry your blorbo is losing you’ll probably be back in the lead in a couple hours anyway all of you need to chill out‼️‼️‼️

answering only this ask about the cheating/botting, and no others, because i'm getting a lot of asks about it. congratulations, this contest has officially had all the fun sucked out of it.

here's data i've been collecting for every poll i've run. it's organized by votes the character received per round, then the total number of votes on that poll, for all five rounds. then there are two columns for totals.

the next five columns, Notes 1-5, are the number of notes on each poll. i've highlighted two posts that were circulated with a greater-than-average frequency even after the poll ended (the loki/JC one because people were memeing on JC, and then HDB/Howl one because it gained popularity following a popular blogger reblogging it.)

V/N is the votes to notes ratio for each poll. it was taken by dividing the number of votes when the poll ended by the number of notes on each post. one limitation is that this was not taken at the same time each day, and so older posts will have slightly higher notes. however, i believe this uncertainty isn't enough to discount the conclusions i'll come to.

i've highlighted vriska's V:N ratio in red at the top. as you can see, round vriska's V:N ratio wasn't even the highest; she beat kaeya alberich easily, and the comments in the notes reflected that.

in round 2, things started to get interesting. this is where i and other people noticed a sudden flip, but i didn't think much of it. she was up against izzy hands. izzy was leading all day, and when i queued the next day's poll and went to bed, izzy was leading by 60%. when i woke up, it had flipped to 53/47 in vriska's favor. it's not a HUGEamount, but it is a NOTICEABLE amount.

keep in mind that every single day, there have been other, closer polls, that hovered around 49-50-51 all day, and which also flipped at the end of the day, or remained 50/50 and could only be determined by tumblr. in these cases, the notes also reflect the split. these polls also never swayed more than one or two percent.

in round 3, when vriska faced zuko, there was a clear and immediate lead for zuko, with him leading by 80%. keep in mind that by this point, all 28 other polls i ran, besides vriska's the day before, never swayed more than 1 or 2% once a clear lead had been established.

this poll went from 80/20 zuko to 59/41 vriska. that's RIDICULOUS. the only way that's possible is if an OVERWHELMING amount of people voted vriska and NO people voted zuko. for such a thing to happen, this post would need to spread really rapidly, right? surely this post had tens of thousands of notes and comments!

the V:N ratio for round 3 is TWENTY-SEVEN to one. that's the most out of any poll. the standard deviation for the round 3 polls is 9.0, compared to 4.8 and 4.9 the days before. not to mention reading those notes also does not get us an overwhelming amount of comments rooting for vriska.

today has also been highly suspicious. it started out with an 85/15 lead for harry. i wouldn't necessarily expect it to hold exactly at that percentage, but the flip was immediate and drastic. you can see the trend being tracked on this post. not at all suspicious, right? also note that the comments all day have been 95% rooting for harry and maybe 5% for vriska.

please also look at the GRAND TOTAL column, which has reliably predicted the winners of future polls each day. vriska has received 49,064 votes over the course of the whole contest. harry has received 64,644. that's 24% more votes. and yet the poll is locked at 50/50?

and if this isn't enough evidence for you, then remember the tumblr sexywoman poll. it is a FLAT FUCKING FACT that those polls were spammed by bots. out of respect for their privacy i won't go into detail, but they outright admitted it.

TO CONCLUDE,

it's pretty fucking obvious that something is up, and although i admit that there's simply no concrete way of proving it, there would have to be a really standout explanation for this.

and besides this being super lame, it's also removed all the fun from this contest. it's a stupid tumblr poll that wins literally nothing, congratulations!

also, to everyone making death threats in the notes, BOTH SIDES, you've failed my secret challenge of not being rude which means i'm judging you personally. be fucking nice.

#tumblr's plmm contest #to people campaigning lightheartedly: this post isn't about you you're great and fun #to people actually fighting and taking this way too seriously: what positive impact did you have?#and to people spamming bot votes: get fucked and get a life you're not funny #director's commentary #anon #yeah now i'm fucking mad #long post

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skz317cb97 · 2 years

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Movie Night

Han Jisung x thick female reader

Word count: 9.6k (yowza)

A/N: 18+ only! So, I wanted to write this story after the Chan's room comment on his last vlive. I was already working on a Jisung fic and when this idea hit me I HAD to rework the plot because I needed to write this. I hope people that relate to this story know that their worth is not based on their appearance or weight. Everyone has insecurities, fat, skinny, whatever. The content of your heart is what matters and how you treat others. I hope everyone always remembers that. I hope you enjoy reading and if you do, please leave a comment, like, reblog, shoot me an ask, I love the feedback! As always warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: MDNI 18+ ONLY! Strong language/cursing, Weight and body image issues are a big part of the plot in this fic, if that can be triggering for you, you might skip this one! Dry humping, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected piv sex (please don't do this, use protection), cream pie, overstimulation, cum eating, hella praise and pet names (baby, jagi etc), squirting, Jisung get a little possessive but not in a toxic way, mentioning of coming on breasts, mentioning of oral sex (m receiving) and coming in mouth. I think that's everything but if I ever miss a warning, please let me know and I'll add it immediately.

You and Jisung loved having movie nights together. The other guys enjoyed watching movies too but not the way you and Jisung did. You would over load on snacks and sugar and throw popcorn at each other or the screen when the main character of whatever film you were watching did something predictably stupid. It was forty percent watching the movie, sixty percent critiquing, and one hundred percent fun. You were a two-person episode of MST3K minus the robots. Movie nights with Jisung were the highlight of your week.

It was probably pretty obvious to anyone with eyes that you had a crush on Jisung. Regardless of how obvious it was you would never admit that. Not to him, not to anyone. You weren’t his type and you knew that. You were heavier, perhaps a bit more than beauty standards would consider ‘aesthetically pleasing’, at least that was the view you had of yourself. You knew that didn’t mean you weren’t pretty but you were bigger and you also had eyes. You saw the kind of girls Jisung went after on the rare occasions you had gone to clubs together and they most definitely did not look like you. You also could see what HE looked like. He was not only beautiful and fit but funny and kind. Guys like him didn’t go for girls like you and it was fine. That was fine.

You cherished the friendship you had with Jisung and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that no matter how strong the feelings you had for him were. What you didn’t realize was that Jisung was trying to deal with the fact that he had feelings for you too. At first, he didn’t see you as any more than a good friend that also happened to be a girl. You weren’t the type of girl he would typically go for. After being friends with you a couple of years now he had become endeared by you and after your last movie night Jisung had come to realize he was completely bewitched and he had absolutely no idea what to do or say now. He was sure you felt the same but he still was holding onto some reservations about perusing something with you and he wasn’t sure why he felt that way when you both were so clearly perfectly matched.

You and Jisung loved movie nights together. So, it wasn’t unusual for you to be snuggled up on the couch under a blanket at the dorm with Jisung on a Friday night with three or four movies on standby. What was unusual this particular Friday was the awkward air hanging between the two of you. Everything seemed fine the week before and nothing seemed out of the ordinary that night so far. You had agreed on horror movies and you were well into your second one. The first had actually been pretty scary, making you jump a few times gripping Jisung’s arm and hiding your face, cuddling in closer to him under the shared blanket. The movie you were watching now hadn’t been as bad until it was. One of the main girls was slinking through a dark decrepit house and was suddenly snatched from behind by the crazed killer, practically sending you sailing out of your skin. Jisung tensed up when you buried your face in his shoulder for the umpteenth time that night.

You hadn’t realized it but every time you pressed your plush body closer to Jisung his posture had stiffened as well as other parts of his body. He was very happy for the blanket or hiding his hard on might not have been so simple. There had been something out of the ordinary that night, for Jisung at least, and that was your choice in attire for movie night. You both always opted for pajamas because comfort duh, but you had come out of the bathroom that night after changing into pajamas Jisung had never seen you in before. A crop top with matching fuzzy shorts. His throat went dry the moment he saw you. It was the most of your skin he’d ever seen. He knew you were self-conscious about your body so you usually kept pretty covered up, even now the crop top wasn’t particularly revealing and the shorts weren’t that short but seeing your silky thighs and the fact that he could tell you weren’t wearing a bra under the crop top had Jisung ready to burst.

When you noticed his tense body language you realized you were practically laying on top of him. Even though you loved being close to Jisung you backed off of him a little, worried you might be making him uncomfortable with your weight on him like that.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to... I mean... I’m sorry if I’m crushing you.” Jisung hated hearing you say that. So you were bigger, it didn’t matter, not to him. Even if he had thought you weren’t his type before because of that. He was an idiot. He knew now no matter what size you were you were he thought you were fucking gorgeous. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. He didn’t want you to move further away. He looked at you, his gaze soft and shook his head. He wrapped his arm around your waist under the blanket and pulled you close again.

“No, you’re not. It’s fine. You’re fine.” Your face felt like it was on fire and your cheeks turned pink. You bit your lip, an unconscious nervous tick and Jisung’s eyes darted towards them. You looked away unable to keep eye contact. Not when he was pulling you close, not when he was holding you, not when his fingertips were grazing the soft flesh of your waist where your shirt had ridden up a bit, not when he was looking at you like... THAT.

“y/n?” Jisung’s voice was just above a whisper and even though you heard him call your name clearly you still couldn’t meet his gaze and you pretended to focus on the movie. He hooked his finger under your chin and tilted your head up towards him. Was this really happening?! Jisung slowly started to lean in closer.

“Ji... I...” He only shook his head and focused on your lips as he closed in. You closed your eyes and you could feel Jisung’s warm breath fan across your face, the warmth of his lips hovering so closely to yours. You held your breath waiting to feel just how soft his lips really were. Finally.

“Han-ah! Do you know whe-” Changbin came around the corner and stopped short when he saw you and Jisung jumping, catching you just about to kiss.

“Oh! Shit! Sorry I didn’t mean-” Jisung backed up practically pushing you away when he realized Changbin was also in the room and he started stuttering.

“You didn’t! I mean there was nothing... we’re watching movies.” You swallowed the lump that had quickly formed in your throat and scooted further away from Jisung which did not go unnoticed by either of the men. Changbin cleared his throat.

“Yea, okay, well do you know where the protein shaker is? I wanted to hit the gym tonight.” Jisung popped up from the couch quickly.

“Yea. It’s in the kitchen. I can show you; I need a drink anyway. Y/n? Do you need a drink or anything?” You had started focusing on the movie again trying to ignore the feeling in your chest. You glanced quickly at him and then back at the screen slightly shaking your head no. He bit his lip knowing your feelings were hurt by how he’d reacted when Changbin walked in, when you had just been so close to kissing, and he felt guilty. He didn’t want you to think it was because of you, it really wasn’t. When he came back, he’d explain.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” You could feel your eyes sting, the familiar burn of tears wanting to surface but you kept your eyes trained on the tv and nodded. Jisung and Changbin went off into the kitchen leaving you in the living room alone, where you took some deep breaths and composed yourself. Maybe it was best Changbin had interrupted. He’d just kept you from making an absolute fool of yourself and ruining your friendship. You went to take a drink of your soda only to find it empty. You kicked yourself for not just telling Jisung yes when he asked if you needed a drink, you pushed yourself up off the couch and headed towards the kitchen. Once Changbin and Jisung had gotten to the kitchen Changbin turned to him with an eyebrow quirked and his nose scrunched.

“OOoookay what was THAT?!” Jisung played stupid like he had no idea what Changbin was talking about. He just wasn’t comfortable with the topic of him and you just yet, not when he wasn’t sure what to do about his feelings. It was awkward for him to admit to Changbin how he felt about you when he hadn’t even told you yet. It would be with any of the guys, he wasn’t completely sure why.

“What?! What was what?!” You had made it just outside the of the kitchen when you heard Changbin scoff.

“Y/n!? Come on... I didn’t think you were into girls like... her...” Jisung’s brows furrowed, he didn’t know what to think about what Changbin seemed to be insinuating.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Changbin rolled his eyes.

“You know... bigger.” It was just a word and it was trued but the way Changbin said bigger made you feel absolutely disgusting and the tears you had managed to fend off in the living room were fighting back with a vengeance. It had already been awkward and now Jisung felt embarrassed so he lied when Changbin insinuated again that Jisung was into you.

“No, I mean what do you mean into? I’m not into y/n?” Changbin scoffed again.

“Oh yea? What was all that I just walked in on then?” Jisung rubbed the back of his neck thinking of an excuse; but why? Why couldn’t he just say that he did like you? Why couldn’t he just say he WAS about to kiss you? What was so terrible about that? Why did he feel so awkward about it? Why did he feel like Changbin would laugh at him or make fun of if he told him? He just wanted to make a quick excuse, whatever would end the conversation.

“Dude, she’s got a crush on me. She was all over me but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She isn’t really MY type...”Jisung was still and idiot. You thought the inflection Changbin had put on bigger made you feel like garbage, that was until you heard the way Jisung say you weren’t ‘his type’. You knew that but it didn’t make it any easier to hear. You hadn’t even realized the tears were trailing down your cheeks at that point. You didn’t need or want to hear anymore. You quietly grabbed your overnight bag, put on your slides and left.

Jisung had heard the front door click closed. All the other guys were still out so it could have been any one of them coming in but when a couple of minutes had passed and no one had walked through the dorm Jisung walked back out into the living room to check on you and found it empty, the movie paused and the blanket you had been sharing in a heap on the floor in front of the couch.

“y/n?” Jisung walked towards the bathroom to check and see if maybe you had gone in there. He knocked but the door creaked open and the bathroom was unoccupied.

“y/n?” He decided to go back and check his room although it wasn’t likely you were there and Jisung could feel anxiety creeping up on him. He thought back about the look on your face when he’d left you in the living room. He opened the door to his room and as he had suspected, you weren’t in there. He made his way back through the living room on a mission and Changbin tried to stop him.

“What’s up? What’s going on?” Jisung moved Changbin out of his way and walked towards the foyer, seeing your bag and shoes were gone.

“FUCK.” Changbin walked up behind Jisung.

“What? Fuck what?” Jisung spun around and Changbin could see the worry on his face.

“You... you don’t think she heard us, do you?” Changbin’s face softened when he realized you were what Jisung was worried about. He gave him a sympathetic look and shrugged his shoulders.

“FUCK!” Jisung slipped on his shoes and jacket and ran out the door hoping you weren’t too far ahead of him. It was the time of year that it was starting to get a bit chilly when the sun was down and tonight was the coldest it had been yet. It wasn’t freezing but definitely too cold for you to be walking off in what you were wearing, not to mention not safe. When Jisung got out to the street he looked up the sidewalk one way and then the other but didn’t see you. He ran in the direction of the closest bus stop and when he rounded the street corner, he saw you under the florescent lights of the bus stop enclosure. You had your big bag by your feet and had your arms wrapped around yourself, hugging your body, clearly trying to keep warm as you waited for the next bus on the line. Jisung ran up towards you.

“y/n!? Hey! Why’d you take off? It’s fucking freezing out here, take my jacket. Let’s go back inside and finish the movies...” Jisung took his coat off and went to put it around you but you pulled away and tightened your grip on your arms.

“No, I’m going home. Sorry I was all over you. I know I’m too... heavy... for that. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m just... I’m just gonna to go home.” You did your best not to choke on your words and Jisung winced at them knowing you weren’t only upset about how he’d reacted to Changbin but you had heard everything they had said in the kitchen as well.

“y/n... I... please come back inside you shouldn’t be outside dressed like this.” Of course, he meant he didn’t want you catching cold only wearing shorts and a crop top. You looked away not wanting Jisung to see the fresh tears that were pricking your eyes.

“I knew I shouldn’t wear stuff like this. I’m only going to bed when I get home so I’ll just deal with the stares on the bus.” He bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood and shook his head.

“I... I didn’t mean it like that y/n... it’s cold out you’re gonna get sick. Please, come back to the dorm.” You finally looked at Jisung and he could see just how hurt you were, your tear rimmed eyes that were already getting puffy and red. That was the final straw, he was a complete asshole.

“Just... go finish the movies without me Jisung. I’ll... I’ll see you the next movie night.” He sighed in defeat knowing you were definitely not going back to the dorm with him tonight.

“Look at least take my coat so you don’t catch your death out here and let me wait with you until the bus shows up.” You let Jisung put his coat over your shoulders this time and huddled into the left-over body heat from Jisung having it on.

“I’d really rather be alone right now Jisung.” You knew you weren‘t going to be able to get a hold of yourself and stop crying if he stayed. He shook his head, sliding a bit closer to you on the bench wanting to be close to you again and hoping some of his body heat might warm you.

“It’s not safe for you to be out here at night alone.” You slid away putting distance between you again and looked at your feet like they were the most interesting thing in the world and Jisung’s chest felt tight.

“I’ll text you when I’m home Ji. Just... please...” Your voice started to faulter and Jisung didn’t push any further.

“Okay. Alright. Please let me know when you’re home safe?” You bit your lip and nodded still looking down as tears welled up in your eyes again.

“Good night y/n.” Jisung wanted to lean over and hug you, give you a kiss on your forehead, SOMETHING to comfort you. Instead, he just gave a little nod and headed back to the dorm to give you the space you asked for. When Jisung walked back inside Changbin was on his way out to the gym.

“Hey, everything cool?” Jisung looked distracted but then it registered that Changbin had spoken to him.

“Oh, uh. I talked to her... she’s going home.” Changbin nodded and headed towards the door but stopped and turned back.

“Look, Han-ah, there really isn’t anything between you and y/n?” Jisung really didn’t want to talk about it and didn’t want to deal with Changbin messing with him about it anymore but after you hearing him and Changbin in the kitchen and the way you looked at him down on that bus stop he was certain you’d never want anything to do with him, he’d be lucky if you still wanted to be his friend, so he shook his head.

“No Bin, we’re just friends.” Changbin nodded and cleared his throat.

“So, it would be okay if say, I wanted to ask her out on a date?” Jisung’s eyes flashed in Changbin’s direction instantly.

“What?!” Changbin rubbed at the back of his neck and looked a little sheepish.

“Well yea, I mean she’s really cute man and she’s nice and like I was saying in the kitchen before I know she’s not really YOUR type but you guys are super close so I just wanted to be sure you weren’t interested in her and see if... you know... if you were cool with me asking her out.” Jisung was at a complete loss for words as Changbin waited for a reply. He wondered how many times in one night he could think to himself that he was an idiot. He’d thought Changbin was being judgmental with his line of questioning in the kitchen but he was interested in you. Even if he had been being judgmental why, WHY did it matter?! It fucking didn’t. Because it didn’t change the way you made Jisung’s heart race just thinking about you. Changbin saw the look on Jisung’s face and knew the answer before he even spoke.

“I... you’re right Changbin she isn’t like the type of girls I’ve dated in the past but...” Changbin wasn’t dumb and wasn’t one to pussy foot around so he just came out with it.

“Look Jisungie just say you’re into her, it’s alright. I already caught you almost kissing; what's the big deal? She’s into you too. What are you holding back for?” He didn’t know what to say.

“Sung, is it that maybe you’re a little worried about what people might be thinking if you date a thicker girl?” Jisung looked at Changbin and his eyes said it all. Changbin had hit the nail on the head. Jisung did think you were gorgeous and what other people thought shouldn’t even matter for that reason alone. He didn’t care what some stranger on the street thought of him and you being together but the guys, like Changbin, for some reason, he thought maybe some of the guys would give him a hard time. Of course, none of the guys had given him any reason to think they would tease him about such a thing because none of them would. Jisung had been in his own head too much. Realizing his feelings for you were deeper than friendship had really sent him through a loop. He was worried about the wrong things; he didn’t know how to act around anyone when it came to you and because of that he was epically fucking up.

“Jisungie...” He focused on Changbin again.

“Sort your shit out. If you care about her man it doesn’t matter. She deserves better than that Sung, and you know it.” Changbin slapped him on the shoulder, grabbed his gym bag and left to go work out. About twenty minutes after Changbin had left Jisung got a text notification. He sat up quickly in bed and grabbed his phone.

You laid back in your bed trying to process the whirl of emotions you’d been put through that night. Hope, excitement, disappointment, pain, confusion. It was all too much to process in one night and there was no way you were going to be able to talk about it with Jisung right then, so you cut him off when he tried. Wasn’t he going to kiss you? Had you read that wrong? If he was going to; why would he if he didn’t like you like that? Pity? You hated all the thoughts racing through your head. You just wanted to forget and fall asleep, after a while your mind slowed down and you were finally able to get some rest.

Jisung had gone all week not hearing from you. He sent a good morning text every day and then a meme or two with an accompanying caption that would say something like ‘laughed and thought of you’ or ‘remember that one time...’ All of his texts went unanswered and he understood why. He’d hurt you in the worst possible way. It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try to make it right still. Friday morning, he finally got up the nerve to actually call you. He honestly thought you would ignore the call just like you had his texts but after three rings you answered.

“Hey Jisung; what’s up?” You sounded drained. All the more reason for you to come over, relax and watch movies with him just like you usually would.

“Hey! Uh... I hadn’t heard from you at all this week so I just wanted to make sure we were still on for movie night.” You closed your eyes and chewed at your lip as the memories of the last week’s movie night came flooding back. You had been totally swamped at work, you really hadn’t had time to process a thing, which is why you had been ignoring Jisung’s texts. You had just pushed it down and carried on during the work week because you had to. Now here you were and the feelings were racing head on at you again and you didn’t know if you were ready still.

“Ji... I... I don’t-” Before you could give any excuse as to why it wasn’t a good idea Jisung interjected.

“I got comedies like you asked for and all the snacks already. You just have to come over. Will you... come over y/n?” You took a deep breath. Maybe if you just went and kept up with your old routine things would just go back to normal. You didn’t have to talk, just watch movies.

“Yea, I’ll be over Ji. Is seven okay?” His smile was beaming on the other end of the line, hopeful about the fact that you agreed to come, that maybe, he might be able to fix his fuck up still, even if that meant in the end only being your friend. He would be fine with that. It would be more than he felt he deserved from you.

“Seven is perfect y/n. I’ll see you then. Bye.” You gave a small hum.

“Bye Ji, see you.” For you the day seemed to fly by and before you knew it, it was time for you to head to the dorm and you didn’t know if you were really ready to face Jisung again yet. For Jisung the day had seemed to drag on forever. He had finally been honest with himself and the guys and told them all how he felt about you. He asked if he could have the dorm for the night while he tried to smooth things over with you. The guys, of course, were all supportive and agreed to be gone for the night. Jisung frantically cleaned the dorm and staged the living room carefully for your movie night. Snacks spread out, blankets to snuggle up in, all typical staples of your movie nights. Not typical was the dim lighting from candles he’d put out around the room and the lavender oil defusing that Felix had set up for him before he left.

Just a bit after seven Jisung heard your knock at the door. He opened it and greeted you with his wide toothy smile, the one that reached his eyes and made them scrunch up. If you were exhausted from the work week he couldn’t tell, you looked amazing. He couldn’t help but notice your attire this week was back to the usual pair of sweat pants, t-shirt and a big hoodie over that. Jisung’s smile faltered a bit but he caught himself and moved out of the way to invite you in.

“Hey! Come on in!” You gave Jisung a small smile and walked in towards the living room. Jisung closed the door and followed closely behind.

“Do you want me to take your bag or hoodie?” You shook your head.

“Didn’t bring an overnight bag, I can’t stay this week, and I think I’ll keep my hoodie on for now, I’m kind of chilly. Thanks though.” You looked around the living room as you walked in and noticed the few candles Jisung had lit and could smell the fresh scent of lavender. He walked past you and sat down on the couch grabbing the remote and patting the cushions for you to join him. You swallowed the anxiety and tension you were feeling down and walked over to the couch. Jisung had lifted the blanket he’d thrown over himself so you could sit by him and share, like you usually did, but you opted to sit on the far end of the couch with your feet tucked up underneath you and your knees pulled into your hoodie. You missed the disappointed expression on Jisung’s face because you were trying to look anywhere but at him. Just from the time he had opened the door, your heart had wretched every time you did look at him. He set the blanket back down, making like he’d just been adjusting it a bit and started the first movie of the night, unsure if he was going to be able to focus on the screen at all with the elephant in the room with the two of you.

You both had managed to get through the first movie. You had chuckled a time or two and even though it wasn’t your usual boisterous laugh Jisung was glad to see, somewhat, of a smile on your face. You were still curled up into yourself on the far end of the couch though and you hadn’t eaten anything. Jisung went to put in the next movie.

“Don’t let me eat all the snacks y/n. Make sure you get some before I inhale it all and really look like a quokka.” Jisung smiled and puffed his already chubby cheeks out further trying to make you laugh but you just smiled at him weakly.

“I’m okay Jisung I already had dinner and it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to lay off the snacks a bit.” Like an arrow straight through his heart. His idiocy made you feel this way. That there was something wrong with you that needed changed. He had let his own insecurities about your relationship bleed onto you instead of dealing with his own shit. He fucked up he knew it. He should have been trying to talk things out with you instead of ignoring it. He was just joking around acting like nothing had happened, like he didn’t hurt you. He was trying to make you laugh, but it wasn’t time for his antics, this conversation couldn’t be put off any longer when you were saying things like that about yourself. He couldn’t let it continue.

“Don’t say that! There’s nothing wrong with the way you look!” You looked up at him a bit surprised by his sudden outburst but your eyes faltered and were cast down again just as quickly.

“You can say that all you want but it doesn’t change the fact that I need to lose weight. No one wants to date the funny fat girl...” Your voice started to quiver a bit and trailed off, the last thing you said was almost inaudible.

“... least of all you.” It was so quiet Jisung almost didn’t hear it.

“What?!” You looked up at him like you’d been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. You hadn’t even meant for it to come out at all let alone for him to hear it. Oh well, what did it matter now. Your feelings had already ruined everything anyway. Might as well lay it all out on the table.

“Well, it’s true...” You whispered. Jisung sat closer to you on the couch and you shrunk down into your hoodie as you tried to make yourself smaller.

“y/n. No, it’s not.” Who was he to say that to you when he knew you had heard him. Your voice came out with a bit more venom than before.

“Jisung, I HEARD you and Changbin. The way you both talked about me...” Jisung went to interrupt you but you put your hand up, stopping him.

“Let me finish!” He nodded and shut his mouth.

“When I heard the way you two talked about me, the way he described me, how you said you felt about me, I was disgusted with myself.” You choked back tears and Jisung hated himself at that very moment. If he were any other guy and you had told him about this situation happening, he’d find him and kick his own ass.

“That night I had finally worked up the courage to wear those pajamas. I’d had looked at them for 3 months before getting the nerve up to wear them in front of you. I hoped that maybe you might see me in them and think, ‘wow y/n is actually kind of pretty’ maybe even sexy. Then we were on the couch and I don’t know I guess I was delusional and thought you were going to kiss me, I read it wrong, obviously. I’ve seen the girls you take home from the club Ji, I’m two of them easily so I wasn’t shocked you weren’t into me but then I heard you in the kitchen. When I looked down at what I was wearing... if I hadn’t been crying Ji, I would have laughed for actually letting myself think for even one second that someone like YOU would ever want to be with someone like me. That YOU would ever think I was pretty or sexy for that matter.” You pulled your knees from your hoodie and stood up as the tears started to fall from your eyes.

“I... I can’t Ji... I... I have to go. This was a mistake.” You went to go for the door but Jisung grabbed your wrist and stopped you.

“Wait PLEASE!” You paused in place but didn’t turn to face him. You couldn’t.

“I’m so sorry. Please, I’m sorry I said any of that stupid stuff, especially since I didn’t mean a single word of it! I... I WAS going to kiss you and then Changbin walked in and I got nervous it had nothing to do with you or how you look I swear. Then when Changbin asked about you in the kitchen I thought he was giving me a hard time about how you weren’t my ‘type’ and then I was embarrassed but it turned out he was asking about me and you because HE wanted to ask you out and he wanted to make sure you and I didn’t' have a ‘thing’ going on. He told me when I came back in that night and I told him... I told him that I did have feelings for you, that I cared about you... more than just a friend.” Now you turned and faced Jisung, your eyes were narrowed but still filled with tears and your voice was weak when you spoke.

“You AND Changbin have feelings for me? Well, you both have a very shitty way of showing you care about me. Be sure to let Changbin know too.” You pulled your wrist from Jisung’s grip and turned to go walk towards the door again. Jisung ran to stand in front of you, blocking the way, panicked that if you walked out, he may never see you again.

“Wait! Wait, wait! Don’t go! I... I think I'm in love with you y/n...” You stopped, turned and suddenly slapped Jisung in the face. You didn’t want to hurt him but you just snapped.

“How dare you! How dare you talk about me behind my back the way you did, make me feel like I was desperate and crazy, like I was undesirable, now you tell me you only said those things because you were embarrassed by me! Embarrassed for one of your friends to think you were interested in a fat girl! Then you have the AUDACITY to say you’re in love with me! Fuck you Jisung!” You started beating against his chest with your fists as you sobbed and cussed at him.

“Fuck you! FUCK YOU!” He grabbed your arms trying to calm you down. When you realized he was stronger and easily holding you back from hitting him further you did the only thing you could do and fell into his chest, hysterically crying. Jisung wrapped his arms around you and you both sank to the floor. He held you and rocked you, softly humming until you were letting out little gasps and hiccups trying to get control of yourself.

“No one has ever hurt me like you did Jisung.” He flinched at your words. Knowing that hit him harder than the slap in the face.

“I won’t ever be able to say how sorry I am and sorry’s will never be enough but if you’ll give me a chance, I promise I’ll never hurt you like that again. If you give me a chance y/n I’ll love you like no one ever has before.” Jisung’s hands cupped your face and he looked into your eyes with so much conviction it was impossible not to believe him.

“Jisung... I...” More tears gathered and fell and Jisung swept them away with his thumbs.

“Please.” He pleaded with you and you gave him a small nod, then he leaned in and softly kissed your lips. It was so warm, inviting, pulling you in for more but instead you pushed against Jisung’s chest and he pulled back and looked at you. Your eyes flicked between his as you searched for any uncertainty but you only saw love. You gripped his shirt where your hand had been resting on his chest and crashed your lips back into his. The kiss was so heated this time, so needy, you had wanted Jisung for so long and now, now you had him. You straddled his lap but didn’t sit your weight on him as your hands cupped his soft cheeks and you continued to make out. Jisung’s arms wrapped around your midsection pulling you close, your chests pressed together. He wanted you as close to him as possible. He pulled away from the kiss and pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes closed tightly, out of breath from kissing you.

“Jagi, I want feel every bit of you, want to make you to feel as beautiful as you are...” Jisung toyed with the hem of your hoodie and t-shirt silently asking permission to remove them. You lifted your arms and allowed him to, although you were extremely nervous to be in only your bra in front of him, even in the dim lighting. Jisung lifted the shirt and hoodie over your head and tossed it aside taking in the expanse of skin in front of him. He wanted to touch you everywhere but instead his hands gripped your hips and eased you down so that your full weight was on his lap and your clothed heat was pressing into his hard on. When you opened your mouth to protest putting your weight on him Jisung silenced you with his lips. He gripped your soft hips tighter, fingers digging in to your plush skin as he helped move you back and forth over his erection, finding a rhythm. You pulled away from the kiss panting as Jisung started to meet your grinding with his own.

“J-Ji... Ji... I don’t want to hurt you...” He stopped, removing his hands from your hips and holding your face so that you couldn’t help but look him in the eyes.

“Does it look like you’re hurting me?” You bit your lip and softly shook your head no in his hands. Jisung grabbed one of your wrists guiding your hand to grab his hard on underneath you. His eyes closed and his mouth fell open, letting out a breath when you gently squeezed.

“Does it feel like you’re hurting me?” You were breathless still as you shook your head again.

“No Jisungie... it feels... good.” You finally breathed out the word.

“It does feel good jagi. YOU feel good. God keep riding me please!” His hands grazed a soft trail down your full breasts back to your hips urging you to continue your movements. You wrapped your arms around Jisung’s neck and rocked your hips over him again, this time with more vigor and the broken moan that fell from his mouth made you soak your panties. You gripped his broad shoulders and rotated your hips grinding against him with more confidence the more he moaned and panted.

“Fuck! I’m gonna cum in my pants if you don’t stop jagiya...” You stopped your movements but cupped Jisung’s soft cheeks and continued your assault on his lips. You sat there lazily making out, tongues sliding in and out of each other's mouths, teeth tugging at lips, hands exploring, caressing, until Jisung was forced to pull away to take a breath. His hands ran up your arms and he dragged his fingertips gently back down causing goose bumps to rise in their wake. You looked into his eyes and him into yours, both of you breathless, trying to read the other’s mind.

“Jisung?” He pressed his lips together giving you a nod and a small smile as his hands found their way to your hips again.

“Will you... can we...” You knew you wanted Jisung and even though you were on his lap, in your bra and had been kissing and touching each other for quite a bit at that point, you were still self-conscious and scared to ask him what you wanted. You let out a frustrated huff of air, closing your eyes and Jisung cupped your jaw and ran his thumb along your cheek and you looked at him again.

“Take a deep breath. Whatever you want, whatever you want to ask, it’s okay.” You closed your eyes and took a deep calming breath like Jisung had told you to.

“Please take me to bed? I want you Jisung, I need you.” You looked down at where you gripped his shirt tightly as you told him exactly what you had been so scared of saying. Jisung dipped his head down catching your eyes in his again.

“Jagi...” Jisung’s gaze darkened suddenly and before you could think he had his arms wrapped around you and shifted you both so that he was now slotted between your legs laying over you kissing down your neck reaching for the waist band of your pants.

“Wish you’d worn those shorts again...” He peppered more kisses across your throat and took the fleshy part of your ear lightly between his teeth.

“You were so fucking SEXY in them I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.” You pushed against Jisung’s chest stopping him then slowly slid out from under him and stood up. He was confused at first, worried maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned the week before but before he could stress out you pushed your sweats down and stood there in your bra and panties. Jisung stood up quickly and took in every inch of skin you were offering up to him. All of it soft, plush, curvy and so inviting. You beckoned him over to you.

“Come here, touch me Ji.” He didn’t need to be told twice. He invaded your proximity immediately, his hands running along your smooth skin pulling you closer.

“Fuck you’re gorgeous, don’t know what to touch and kiss first.” Your skin flushed at Jisung’s words and you felt your core throb for him. Jisung’s lips ghosted over your neck before raking his teeth across your collar bone and pulling the prettiest moan he’d ever heard from you. He grabbed your hips and pulled them forward into his. With only his clothes creating a barrier between you, aside from the thin, lacey, boy shorts you were wearing, you could perfectly feel his hard cock pressed against you. Jisung’s eyes closed and his head tilted back a little, he bit his lip and hummed enjoying the warmth of your soft body against his and then he looked at you with a mischievous smile.

“Come to bed jagi...” He kissed your neck again before pulling you, leading you towards his room, towards his bed. You could feel your nerves starting to come back once you walked into his bedroom. It was still dimly lit but it was brighter than the living room and you felt a bit more exposed and self-conscious. You pulled your hand away from Jisung and went to cover yourself. Jisung grabbed your hand back and pulled you close wrapping his arms around you and pressing his forehead against yours.

“No. Please? Don’t? You’re perfect,” He peppered soft kisses over your shoulder trying to comfort you and you let out a soft sigh. Jisung pulled away and pulled his shirt off exposing his broad chest and soft tan skin. You would think him evening the playing field by removing some of his clothes would make you feel less nervous but it only made it worse and you went to cover up again. Your hands were slightly shaking when Jisung pulled you close again, his warm skin pressed against yours and you could feel his breath on your neck as he whispered in your ear.

“You’re so fucking sexy. Please don’t hide.” He pressed soft kisses down the side of your neck again. You could feel tears pricking your eyes and you were so mad at yourself that you were about to ruin this moment. You wanted to believe what he said but you just didn’t feel sexy. Jisung could feel that you were still tense, he pulled back and saw your tears.

“y/n... what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?” You shook your head no. You scoffed at yourself and wiped your tears away.

“No Ji, it’s okay really, I just need a second. I’m feeling...” You looked down at yourself and Jisung knew.

“Hey, take a second, take ten, it’s alright jagyia.” He rubbed soft circles on your hips with his thumbs and it started to help your heart rate slow down a bit. When you looked at Jisung again his face was so soft and laced with concern. You leaned in and pressed your lips against his, your fingers threading through the hair at the nape of his neck. It was soft at first but as you felt his skin under your fingertips it became more frenzied. Both of you gripping, squeezing, roaming, moaning into the other’s kiss. You felt a sudden rush of bravery and reached into Jisung’s sweat pants grabbing his dick firmly and stroking it like you had done it to him a hundred times before. It was gentle but not too gentle and the way your thumb brushed that sweet spot under the head of his cock was sinful as you stroked him just fast enough to make him want more.

“FUCK y/n! Yes, JUST like that.” Jisung lead you towards the bed as you continued to stroke him. When the back of your knees hit the bed you removed your hand from his pants and fell back on it. Your hair spread around your head like an angel and your chest was rising up and down rapidly as you laid there breathless from your desire. Jisung slid his sweats and briefs down at once, his cock springing free and standing firm. It was long and not too thick and curved up. He was gorgeous so it wasn’t surprising that he had a pretty cock too. Feeling it in your hand had been one thing but seeing it now, your mouth watered for him.

“Jisungie...” You whined for him and he came to kneel between your legs on the bed. His hands traveled up your sides their destination being your breasts which he cupped firmly before grabbing the center of your bra with both hands and ripping it open, your big breasts bouncing free as you gasped in shock.

“HAN JISUNG, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH A BRA LIKE THAT COSTS!?” Jisung leaned down sucking a nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue and teeth until it was perked and hard effectively stopping your complaint. He let go and smirked at you.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I’ll buy you a new one jagi.” His lips wrapped around your other nipple and he sucked on it gently as you melted underneath him. Jisung kissed his way down your body until his face hovered right over your clothed core. He gripped your panties and looked up at you.

“These expensive too?” He said quirking his eyebrow at you. You rolled your eyes at him playfully.

“YES. And my favorite pair so DON’T rip them.” Jisung pouted and then gently slid your panties over your ass and down your legs. When his face was lined up with your naked, dripping, cunt you started to feel your heartbeat pick up. Before you had a chance to let your nerves get the best of you again, Jisung spread your lower lips open and licked a broad stripe from your entrance to your clit, sucking the bundle of nerves between his pouty lips and drinking in every bit of you. Your hands gripped Jisung’s hair as he licked, kissed, and sucked on your clit. He was messy but with finesse and between your arousal and his spit and drool you were certain there had to be a puddle forming underneath you.

“Ji... oh my god! I’m... I’m...” He hummed in satisfaction that he had you unable to form words and the vibrations from his mouth against your pussy sent you reeling into a mind-blowing orgasm. Your thick thighs clamped around Jisung’s head as you thrust your hips up grinding against his tongue and face. Only when your body relaxed back onto the bed and you were a shuddering mess did Jisung stop kitten licking your sensitive clit. He climbed on top of you and started kissing you, first all over your face, then by your ear, down your neck and shoulder. His lips left your skin and he looked at you for a second thinking about how he’d almost fucked everything with you up, about how he could have lost you but now here you were underneath him panting and glowing still trying to recover from your orgasm. When you opened your eyes and looked at Jisung he leaned down and softly kissed your lips as he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside you.

“Fuck! So wet, so soft!” The further Jisung sunk into the faster your soft puffs of breath came out and when he bottomed out inside you, you gasped. He looked at you quickly.

“Are you okay jagi?” You nodded biting your bottom lip overwhelmed by the feeling of him inside you after just coming down from your first orgasm. Jisung rolled his hips testing to see your reaction. Your eyes went wide and you gasped again.

“Jisungie! Oh, my fucking god! You feel so good inside me! Please don’t stop!” Jisung started giving you steady hip rolls fucking you slow and deep. He thrust his cock deeper into you, his pelvic bone adding pressure to your clit as well. Your body was buzzing with excitement and your fingers and toes felt like they were going numb from the pleasure. The sound of your drenched cunt and Jisung’s hips slapping against your soft thighs egged him on and he started to fuck you faster, pulling out further and pushing back into you harder each time.

“FUCK jagiya you take my cock so well beautiful. Look at how well we fit together jagi FUCK!” You looked down where Jisung’s dick, coated in your juices, disappeared inside you and clenched at the sight.

“Fucking perfect just like I said baby, your pussy was made for me, this is mine now.” Jisung spit on two of his fingers and started rubbing your clit quickly pushing you towards your next orgasm that much faster.

“God YES Ji please... please... please...” Jisung smiled down at you, sweat dripping down his face.

“Please what gorgeous, what do you want?” You gripped Jisung’s hips, his soft skin warm under your touch.

“PLEASE FUCK ME HARDER! MAKE ME CUM JI! FILL ME UP JAGIYA!” Jisung lost his mind hearing you say that, call him that. He gripped your hips and started railing you as hard and fast as his body would let him. The sweat from his face and hair dripping down his chest and back now his teeth clamped onto his bottom lip.

“You’re gonna let me cum in this tight pussy right jagi? You’re gonna take my load and let me mark what’s mine yea?” You moaned out your approval.

“FUCK yes! Ji fuck fuck! Give me your cum fucking make me yours Jisung... I’m yours!” You came hard around his cock as he continued to drive into you chasing his own climax and prolonging yours. Your body rolled and your hips chased his as you rode out the best orgasm you’d had in your life.

“FUCKING beautiful! God you’re gorgeous when you cum y/n... FUCK I can feel your pussy quivering on my fucking cock, you feel so good jagi!” You started coming down from the high of your orgasm, body still buzzing like a million bees lived under your skin and you started begging Jisung.

“Fuck Ji you’re gonna give it to me right? Fuck I want it so bad! Please cum inside me please! It's gonna be a big load yea? Fuck I hope it’s a big load jagiya, need you to fill me up good, need to feel you dripping from my cunt.” Jisung’s head tilted back as his hips stuttered and he unloaded inside you.

“FUUUUUuuuuuck jagiya FUCK! Fucking take it! You wanted a big load baby there you go! FUCK! Take my cum like a good girl yea?” Jisung stayed buried inside you until his cock started getting soft. When he pulled out a huge trail of cum came dripping out after. Jisung took two fingers and scooped up the mixture of yours and his cum and sucked them clean.

“Fuck beautiful...” He ran his fingers through the trail of cum still leaking from your hole collecting more of your mingled juices and he brought his fingers to your lips this time.

“Taste.” You opened your mouth and sucked on his fingers, swirling your tongue around his digits and humming in delight.

“Good yea jagi? We taste perfect together.” Jisung scooped the remaining cum dripping from you up and pushed it back inside you pumping his fingers slowly in and out.

“J-Jisung... I... I ca-”

“One more jagiya, just one more, you can give me one more yea?” Jisung’s fingers picked up speed and he fucked them into you harder, curling them and easily finding your g-spot.

“FUCK JI! I... I... FUCK JI!” That was exactly what he was looking for, he plunged his fingers deep into you only bringing them out a millimeter or so and pushing them deeper, then leaned down and sucked your cum glazed clit into his mouth, slurping on you as he fucked your hole hard with his fingers, the cum he filled you with coating them and dripping down your asshole, causing you to clench around his fingers that seemed to find that delicious spot inside you with precision.

“Squirt for me jagiya, fucking cum on me baby.” He whispered against your pussy before diving back in and devouring your cunt like a ravenous animal. Between Jisung’s fingers and mouth the taut string inside you snapped.

“MMmm FUCK FUCK JI OH FUCK I’M COMING I'M COMING!” You had never squirted before in your life but suddenly you were soaking Jisung and his sheets. His fingers, still deep inside you, gently massaging your g-spot, giving your clit tiny little licks with the tip of his tongue as you finished coming on his face and started twitching and shuddering from the overstimulation. When Jisung removed his fingers and sat up you saw your cum dripping from his chin and glistening on his chest.

“Oh my god, did I?!” Jisung smirked and leaned over kissing your lips softly before giggling against them.

“Cum all over me? Yea baby you did and it was sexy as fuck!” You blushed and tried to push him off as he buried his face in the crook of your neck and tickled you with his kisses and love bites. You pushed harder and he finally sat up, he got very quiet and looked down at you softly smiling. The longer Jisung’s eyes roamed your naked body the more uncomfortable you got. Now that you weren’t caught up in the heat of the moment and lost in the pleasure Jisung had been giving you, the little negative voices in your head came back to put you back in your place. You grabbed a throw blanket he had at the foot of his bed and went to cover up feeling far to exposed in the moment. Jisung thought you looked so beautiful; you didn’t need to cover up. He wished he had never said the things he did, that he’d never made an insecurity you already had worse. He had looked at you laying there your full breasts, the soft tummy rolls, the plush love handles just over your hips, your thick ass and thighs, FUCK you were perfect but when you saw him staring at you like that you only felt overwhelmed by your doubts about your body.

“Why don’t we go take a shower yea? Get cleaned up and go to bed?” Jisung’s suggestion sounded so tempting, a nice hot shower after getting fucked senseless but it also meant standing under florescent bathroom lights where he’d be able to see ever stretch mark, every dimple of cellulite, every flaw. He could see you having an internal battle with yourself over it.

“Hey...” You looked up at him like you’d been startled from your thoughts.

“I know whatever is going on in that gorgeous noggin of yours is my fault right now...” You pressed your lips together.

“Jisung no...” He shook his head and put up his hand stopping you.

“y/n yes, it is. It might have been something you were self-conscious about already but I only threw fuel on the fire. I PROMISE I will do whatever I can to prove to you that you are a beautiful human being, just the way you are. I PROMISE I’ll always make sure to tell you how absolutely stunning you are and how you are leaps and bounds out of my league and yet for some reason you slum it for me.” He winked at you and you laughed.

“So... shower?” He suggested again. You smiled and nodded. Jisung stood up and offered his hand to help you off the bed. You headed to the bathroom with Jisung fused to your back kissing whatever his lips could find.

“You know if we fuck in the shower I could cum all over these and clean you right up.” His hand squeezed your breasts tightly before roaming over your tummy, your hips and ass. You were barely up the hall and Jisung was already trying to slide his fingers through your folds again. When you got to the bathroom door you turned and pecked his lips.

“That’s true jagiya, or you could cum down my throat and I could just swallow it and have no mess at all.” You licked up his lips to the tip of his nose and went into the bathroom as he stood there speechless for a moment before chasing after you.

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

@ughbehavior @chansynie @jquellen27 @caroline-ds-world

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luv4fandoms · 1 year

Text

The Rut (David x Fem! Reader)

It is finally here! The last installment of The Rut series! I am so happy that everyone enjoyed this series, it was definitely fun to write the boys in just complete feral mode lol. I'll definitely be writing for stuff for the boys in the future!

(Also since I've been asked, this isn't really a poly relationship series, this is a "only (insert boy) likes reader" kinda thing).

I really wanna thank everyone who has commented on, reblogged, or just liked this series. Y'all really kept me going when I had writers block, and I couldn't have finished it without y'all. And a big shout out to @auntvamp who came up with the original headcannons about the boys in rut, because without them, this series wouldn't be a thing lol. I'd highly suggest reading that first.

Lastly I'd like to thank @santacarlatourism for their headcanons of each boy's scent on my post

I also got inspired by these headcanons

For this I know a lot of people write David as a rough dom but I wanted to explore something else, I don't think David would always be rough with his mate, I see him having a soft side too, so this is that, and also him slowly losing control lol.

Paul, Marko, Dwayne,

Word Count: 5,376 (of course this cocky mofo ended up with the longest chapter 🤣)

Pairing: David x Fem! Reader

Warnings: DETAILED SMUT! THAT IS ALL THIS STORY IS!! MINORS DNI!!

⚠️ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬, 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞.⚠️

Ko-Fi

"Don't invite him in"

That's what Dwayne had told you when he informed you to stay away from the cave for the next couple of days. You were confused when Dwayne had met you at the entrance the night before, usually David was the first one out and ready to leave, typically smoking while the others got ready. You were fully prepared to spend the night at the boardwalk with the boys and your favorite vampire, but Dwayne had quickly shot down those plans.

"Wait…A rut? Like how animals have ru-"

"Yes just like that" he told you as he walked you back to your car.

"When we go into these we are very dangerous to you, since you're a human and not a vampire like us you're far more…"

"Fragile" you finished, the boys had all told you that before, taking it upon themselves to protect you all the time because you were "like a China doll" in Dwayne's words.

"So that's why you need to stay away for a couple of days," he explained, to which you could only simply nod as you climbed in your car. Your thoughts suddenly taking a turn as you thought of him…they were all extremely attractive…him especially…and you were sure him taking a partner for a quick time was something he had done before…would that happen again? After all, if he was gonna kill them anyways why not? It didn't matter if they were fragile right? But why did that thought make you wanna cry even more in this situation?

"It isn't like that" Dwayne's voice broke you out of your thoughts and you were unsure if he had read your thoughts or could just read your emotions.

"Go home y/n, don't overthink ok, you can come back soon" he told you with a small smile as he shut your car door, watching as you started the car and rolled down the window when he knocked

"And one more thing" he told you while leaning in.

"Don't invite him in"

So here you were, sitting in your room, listening to music and drawing, wishing you could just go hang out with the boys, you hadn't really realized just how much of a staple in your life they had become until now. Night's seemed boring without them…without him. Sighing you sat your sketchbook down on your nightstand after you realized that in your zoned out state you had successfully sketched what was probably the twentieth picture of him that resided in the book. Stretching, you got up and changed the music, putting on your newest Billy Idol album. You had joked to David before that he reminded you of the singer, a comment that although he didn't reply to, he seemed complimented by. You had actually come across David listening to a Billy Idol cassette tape one day in the cave and it only solidified that thought even more for you lol. You began dancing around as White Wedding started to play, losing yourself in the music for a moment, before you heard a gentle knock on your window. Your body froze instantly, shifting your gaze to the closed curtains. You slightly wondered if it had been the wind, but only slightly, you knew that was definitely a knock.

"I know you're in there Sweetheart, no use hiding" You immediately felt a shiver run down your spine at the voice, a deeper tone with a slight growl mixed with it told you he was currently vamped out.

'Don't invite him in' Dwayne's words rang in your head, earning another low growl from outside.

"You don't take orders from him, understand?" Oh shit, he was reading your thoughts. You had made him promise when you first learned what they were that he wouldn't do that anymore. A promise he seemed like he had no problem breaking tonight.

"But.. David…Dwayne said it would be dangerous to-"

"Funny" you heard him let out a dry chuckle.

"I thought I just said you don't take orders from him" You gulped at his tone, a sarcastic David was a dangerous David at times, and you had a feeling this was one of those times.

"Let me in Doll, I'll explain it all better than he could" You hesitated still, true, Dwayne hadn't explained very much, and you were still curious. And if you were being honest, when vamped out David probably had the most control over himself out of all of them, besides maybe Dwayne…Maybe it would be safe if you let him in. Slowly making your way over towards the window you heard what seemed like a pleased…purr? You pulled back the curtains, meeting the golden gaze of the vampire on the outside of your window. His figure looming on your small balcony. You unlocked and opened your window, leaning out to speak to him. When suddenly your lips were captured in a searing kiss, his gloved hands holding your face, softly yet firm as he pulled you closer, fangs brushing your lips as he opened your mouth with his, tongue dominating the kiss. You weren't sure what was making you dizzier, the kiss that was quite literally stealing your breath away, or his scent. David always smelled like a mixture of cigarettes, the cologne he always stole that had a very earthy smell to it, and a scent that you could only describe as simply him. But tonight his scent seemed to be cranked up to a hundred, clouding your brain of anything but him. When he finally seemed to remember you needed to breathe he pulled away, forehead resting against yours as he watched you try to catch your breath, pupils blown and heart racing as you met his gaze.

"David," you spoke quietly.

"You're gonna be a good girl and let me come inside, right?" He asked, watching the shiver that went down your spine at the nickname, a mental note he tucked away for later.

"Right?" He asked again, watching as you slowly nodded.

"Words Sweetheart" he gave you that little smile as he ran his thumb over your lip.

"You can come inside" you spoke once you found your voice.

"That's a good girl" he spoke, before the next thing you knew you were back inside your bedroom and being thrown onto your bed.

"Clothes off Sweetheart, I'm going to fuck you first, then I'll explain everything" he commanded, staring you down as he slowly took his coat off and laid it over your desk.

"W-What?" You stuttered, looking at him with wide eyes, did he actually just say that so casually? He raised an eyebrow as he looked at you, waiting.

"I thought you were going to be a good girl tonight y/n" he spoke while slowly pulling your chair out and sitting down.

"I-I.." you weren't sure what to say at the moment, voice gone as you got lost in that golden gaze.

"I don't mind punishing you" he warned, and the look in his eye told you that part of him wanted to, wanted you to misbehave so he could. Deciding to play it safe, for now, you quickly took off your top and bottoms, leaving you in your simple lace panties, bra having been discarded earlier in the night. You watched his gaze darken as he took you in, golden eyes turning a bit orange.

"Come here" he spoke simply, but his tone told you that there was no arguing. Slowly you stood from your bed, taking careful steps over to him, stopping once you stood directly in front, your legs lightly grazing his knees. You slowly met his gaze again, those hard features and burning eyes, you knew anyone in your situation would have ran, but you knew David, and maybe some deep twisted part of you wanted this more than you even recognized. Wanted to be completely dominated by this man, this creature. Maybe you should have also not thought those things so loudly, if the absolutely predatory grin was anything to go by.

"Completely dominated huh?" He asked while leaning back in the chair, he watched as you gulped, listened as your heart picked up speed, smelled as a fresh wave of arousal hit you. It wouldn't take much to have you exactly where he wanted you, completely willing, completely his.

"On your knees Sweetheart" he told you with a low growl, and he watched as you instantly fell onto your floor, hands hovering just above his knees before lowering themselves to the ground. Good girl, you already knew to wait for his orders. He watched you watch him, watched as you tried not to show how much you were trying to gain some form of friction against where you needed it most. He could feel himself stir even more at the sight, could feel the inner beast trying to claw its way out, yelling at him to simply take you, stop these foolish games and claim what was his. He hated that feeling, hated losing control. Deciding to relieve both himself and you he tapped his belt buckle, eyes still never leaving you as you looked up to meet his gaze before setting to work undoing his belt and then pants, looking up to silently ask if you should stop or keep going.

"Well? You've been a good girl so far, are you afraid to unwrap your treat?" He smirked, watching the blush crawl up your neck and cheeks as your eyes went back to his pants. He lifted himself slowly so you could take them and his underwear off, pulling the material down to his ankles, stopping only because his boots got in the way. You went to remove them but he stopped you with a hand on your head.

"Those can wait" he told you, sliding his hand from your hair to cup your cheek, running his thumb over your lip before slowly parting them, watching as you wrapped your lips around his thumb, eyes sliding closed as you sucked the digit. David watched you intensely, feeling himself jump at the sight, and knowing that he wanted, no, needed your lips around him, now. Gently pulling his thumb away with the thinning self control he had left he opened your mouth, watching as your eyes met his.

"I have something better for you to use that pretty mouth on" he told you, watching as your eyes moved to finally take him in. He was average length, but pretty thick, a size that had you both clenching around nothing and also afraid of him not fitting. Again, reading your mind, you heard David chuckle.

"That's why we have to get both of us nice and wet, I think you know how to do that, don't you?" He asked, letting go of your mouth and leaning back in the chair, legs opening just a bit more.

"Yes sir" you nodded, sitting up a bit, hands finally touching his thighs, you could hear the low rumble leave him as he stared at you, you had taken a chance by calling him sir, but you had a very strong feeling he had that sort of kink, after all, David always loved being in charge.

"Look at that, I don't even have to teach you manners, you are already trained for me" he smirked, gathering your hair in his gloved hand as you slowly wrapped a hand around his length, feeling it twitch, before lowering your lips to close around the head.

"Already my good girl" he sighed, watching as you ran your tongue along the slit before lowering your head, hollowing your cheeks, and taking more of him in while running your tongue along the vein on the underside. What your mouth couldn't take, you hand took care of as you began bobbing your head, twisting your fist as you stroked in time with your bobs. You hadn't expected David to be a moaner or a talker, so when you only received grunts and huffs you knew not to be disappointed. You let those guide you, noting when he would tighten his grip on your hair, or when he would ever so slightly lift his hips, when he would hold his breath, or when his grunts sounded a bit more strained.

"Teeth" he grunted out at one point, tightening his grip on your hair again. You weren't sure what he meant, so you went off of what you guessed and prayed that it was right, you were doing good so far, you didn't want to fuck up now. Letting your teeth graze against his length you felt him stiffen, and instantly you feared you messed up, but that was when you heard it, the first moan, even if it was extremely quiet. With more confidence you let a little more of your teeth scrape along him as you worked, hearing his breath quicken once more. You chanced a glance upwards and noticed a sight you didn't expect, David with his eyes closed, head slightly tilted backwards, and mouth slightly open. Feeling brave after your achievement you decided to try something else. Sneaking your other hand up, you gently wrapped your hand around his balls, just as you took as much of him as you could and swallowed. Feeling him stiffen instantly, and hearing a clearly strained.

"Fuck" before his eyes met yours, orange gaze blazing before you were suddenly tossed on the bed, watching as he tore the rest of his clothes off.

"Did I say you could do that?" He asked, caging your body with his. You slowly shook your head but David caught your jaw in his now gloveless hand.

"Did I?"

"N-No sir" you replied, honestly a little scared, as well as turned on. David looked almost unhinged at the moment, like he was a breath away from just bending you over, and maybe that's what you wanted.

"So why did you think it was ok?"

"I-I just"

"Just what? You had been doing so well"

"I just wanted to make you feel good" you told him, and watched as he stopped, and blinked down at you. Honestly he hadn't expected that reply. He figured you were tired of playing the good girl role and wanted to disobey, wanted him to put you in your place, wanted him to just take you already…He hadn't expected you to tell him you were just trying to make him feel good.

"Just trying to please your master?" He asked with a smirk, watching as you nodded, eyes wide with an innocence that he knew was false, but God did you know how to play on that. He knew how dirty your mind was, he had read it so many times, times where you would come to the cave, wet and smelling like pure heaven. He wanted, no, needed to know what had gotten you that way, so he'd delve into your mind, needing to know if he'd have an easy kill that night or would it be something else, and what he'd find would cause his own stirrings. Things that you had read about in your little erotic novels, but played out by the two of you. You riding him, which he'd have to be convinced about. Him bending you over his motorcycle, that he could and would definitely arrange. Then there were the ones that filled your mind after you learned that he was originally a gunslinger before he became a vampire. It seemed your naughty little mind lived on the saying "save a horse, ride a cowboy". That heavenly smell surrounded him once again as you looked up at him, muttering such words that had his thin self control on the verge of snapping.

"Always wanna please you sir" you whimpered, slightly wiggling under him, no doubt seeking friction for the overwhelming heat that was bothering you. He decided to take pity on you, at least that's what he'd tell you, when really the beast in him was clawing at his mind for a taste of you.

"Such a Sweetheart" he smiled, leaning down to kiss your neck, chuckling as you leaned your head to the side, already willing to give him access to your blood, but that wasn't the taste he sought, at least not at the moment. Pressing gentle kisses down your collarbone, stopping to give your breasts attention, he swirled his tongue around your nipple before closing his lips around it, fangs grazing your skin as his hand came up to pinch and play with your other one, before his mouth and hand switched. Only when he felt like he had made you a breathless mess did he continue his journey down, hands sliding along your sides as he kissed down your stomach, pressing kisses to your hip bones before hooking his claws into your lace panties. His eyes met yours, a sinister smirk on his lips as you watched him tear your panties in half, the sound of tearing fabric meeting your ears while your eyes never left his. You watched him toss the pieces to the sides of the bed before he pressed kisses to your thighs, so close to where you wanted his mouth but never giving you what you needed.

"Beg" he told you, watching as your eyes met his again, having closed them for a moment.

"Please David" you whimpered, yelping slightly when his hand landed a smack on your thigh.

"Care to try that again?"

"Please sir, please I've been good" you begged.

"Have you? I don't think you have"

"I-I was just trying to make you feel good" you explained again, watching as he stared at you.

"Please sir, I promise I'll be good" you told him, gripping at the sheets, trying to will him to do something, anything to calm the fire that was slowly burning through you. Meanwhile David was fighting with himself, he wanted to tease you, have you a real begging mess, but the other part was clawing at him to just give in and take. This time he decided to give into that beast within and in an instant his mouth was on you, tongue swiping along your slit and watching as you threw your head back, a loud moan of his name tearing from your lips. He decided this time he wouldn't reprime you for it, mainly because he was becoming too lost in your taste, his own grunts muffled as he buried his face deeper, nose brushing your clit while his tongue dipped inside. He felt your legs close around his head, his hands still resting on your thighs, and again he decided to let it slide, instead grabbing your hips and letting himself explore you, commiting to memory every swipe of his tongue that had you moaning his name, every suck that had you gasping, every twist and turn that had your heart beat picking up and the beast in him clawing at the fraying seams of his control. He wanted to slam his fingers in you, listen as you moan at the fact that something was finally filling you, but he knew that his claws and that sensitive of an area shouldn't mix, so he settled on completely devouring you, being careful of his fangs as he brought you closer to your edge. Your legs tightening around him, hips lifting to try and get closer, hands grabbing at his hair while your head was thrown back, eyes shut and mouth open, begging him to not stop, telling him how good he felt and how close you were. He could push you off the edge in just a matter of seconds…could…but wasn't going to. Easily unwrapping your legs from him, he lifted himself away from you, watching as you whined and looked up at him with pleading eyes. Chest rising and falling rapidly as you slowly came down from the high he had built you up to.

"Why?" You whimpered, and David simply smirked as he wiped your essence from his face.

"You still had to be punished Sweetheart" he told you, watching as you pouted, head turned to the side while you tried to catch your breath. He chuckled at your pouting, knew how frustrated you were, because honestly he was at that point as well. He knew that playtime was up. Grabbing your thighs again he pulled you down the bed, wrapping your legs around his hips. He watched you gasp at being manhandled but he knew you liked it, he could smell that you liked it.

"Now, are you gonna be my good girl again? Or do I have to punish you again?"

"I'll be good I promise" you panted, wanting that high again that only he could bring you to, he'd make sure you knew that, that only he could make you feel this way.

"Good girl" he growled, reaching down to drag himself through your wetness, watching as your hips lifted slightly, trying to coax him in.

"Such a greedy girl" he smirked, before slowly entering you, watching as you threw your head back at the feeling of finally having him inside you. It took him a bit with how tight you were, but once he was fully seated he had to take a moment. Because right then, for the first time he felt overwhelmed. Sure he had partners in the past, but nothing felt like this, as if he needed more proof that you were his mate. And he knew that you probably wanted him to be gentle, but he knew that wouldn't be something he could offer, not this night at least.

"I'm not gonna be gentle Sweetheart" he felt he should warn you, felt you deserved to know before he just took you.

"I didn't expect you to be" you smiled, and he knew you knew enough of what was going on with him to know he was losing the control he loved so much, so he never broke the gaze you two held as he gripped your hips and pulled back, only to slam forward, watching as you threw your head back. He listened to your cries for him, your heartbeat singing as it sped up again. He watched as your eyes rolled back, mouth opened as you didn't even try to hide the gasps, and moans. He found his own eyes closing as he sped up, thrusts now slamming into you as the bed shook, his grunts were drowned out by your cries and that was ok, he didn't need to be loud, it was your job to tell everyone who was making you feel this good. Sir had long been forgotten and he couldn't find it in himself to care, wanting you to cry out his name until your throat went raw.

"Fuck" he panted out through gritted teeth, the feeling was picking up, the knot tightening in his stomach as he felt you grow tighter around him. Shit you were gonna make it hard on him to even fuckin last, especially when you were begging for him, begging for him not to stop, begging for him to make you cum, even begging for him to make you his, as if you weren't already. Your orgasm hit you both by surprise, you suddenly became like a vice around him and he immediately stopped, watched as you shook, you entire body trembling as you flew over the edge, he slowed his thrusts, gently rocking you through it, and also keeping his own orgasm at bay

He watched you blink before your eyes met his, looking up to see if he would say something about you cumming without permission, which, any other time he may, but right now he just knew he needed you to cum again, because you were absolutely beautiful when lost in pleasure. You watched as he unhooked your legs from him, instead lifting them as he pulled out and crawled over you, pressing his forehead to yours as he wrapped your legs around him again, his one hand coming up to hold yours, while his other game up to hold your jaw.

"You got another one for me Sweetheart?" He asked, not breaking eye contact as the hand on your jaw left for only a moment as you felt him enter you again, making you gasp.

"Yes" you whimpered, already lifting your hips to meet his.

"My little mate, always so willing" he smiled, fangs grazing your lips before he captured them again, he soon started thrusting again, and you moaned in the kiss, allowing his tongue to enter and dominate before he pulled back, fangs lightly grazing your lip and drawing blood, to which he quickly licked it up. His hips thrusting forward harshly as he tasted it, the flavor exploding on his tongue and heightening his sense to focus on the precious liquid that flowed just below the skin. He knew it would be dangerous to feed on you while you two were in the middle of this, he could lose any control he had left if he did, and he wouldn't know what to do if he killed his mate. So instead he focused on the other liquid you were producing, the liquid that was currently coating his thighs as he thrusted into you. Your moans were echoing against the walls and in his brain as he allowed himself to slip away, focusing on the feeling of your body sucking him in, gripping him tight in your soaking heat, God you were so hot against him. He knew his temperature was running hotter than normal due to the rut but yours was like fire. He was also losing himself in your scent, not just the scent of your arousal, but the scent that was simply you, a scent that he would never admit, but one that he loved smelling around the cave or against his pillow when you would take a nap in his spare room. He lost himself in how soft your skin was under his hands, how you completely gave yourself to him, willingly submitted yourself to a beast like him even though you had been told it was dangerous. How you were crying out for him, begging him, praising him, God your praises.

"Yeah? Only I can make you feel this good?" He panted against your lips, eyes still closed as he continued to lose himself.

"Fuuuuck, only you David" you told him

"Only I know your body like this" he growled, picking up speed.

"Only you" you panted.

"You're mine" another growl

"Shit..Only yours"

"Completely mine" he grunted

"Fucking…Always"

"My mate" he groaned, and you allowed your eyes to open slightly, expecting to meet gold but instead noticed that his eyes were closed, eyebrows furrowed as his mouth opened slightly, hot breaths fanning your face.

"Say it" he panted, eyes not opening as he picked up his speed again, angling himself until he was hitting that spot inside you that made you see stars

"Your mate" you moaned, eyes closing again as your head fell back as far as his hand would let it, his grip leaving your jaw to grab the back of your head, forehead never leaving yours.

"My mate" he panted, breaking off into a groan.

"Fuck" he moaned against your lips, his control a hair's breath away from being gone, the faster your heartbeat raced, the less he had.

"Cum for me" he groaned, knowing he wasn't going to last much longer. The hand that had been holding yours quickly found your clit, rubbing circles that had to shooting towards your peak.

"Fuck! David!"

"That's it baby, let go" he surged forward, panting against your mouth as moans began to leave him, the sign that he was about to finish as well you realized. Your hands shot into his hair, pulling the locks until his face left yours and buried into your neck. It was something you knew you both wanted, something you had fantasized about, and something you know the rut would most likely want him to do.

"Make me yours" you panted, officially snapping the thin string of self control he had. Instantly his fangs sunk into your skin, drawing a high pitched moan from you as your legs locked around him, your body squeezing him as your second orgasm washed over you, and he was right behind. As soon as your blood entered his mouth he was gone, he knew you smelled like heaven, but you tasted like it as well, and that paired with your even stronger orgasm had him slamming forward, hips stuttering before stilling as he filled you, a deep growl leaving him and vibrating your chest as he pour himself into you, claiming you, marking you, just like his fangs did. He gave a few slow thrusts before he stilled and pulled his mouth away, his fangs leaving your skin as he licked up the blood that trailed out and sealed the wound, the only evidence being two small marks. You both stayed like that for a moment, his face still buried in your neck while your hand was tangled in his hair, the other running along the scratch marks on his back that you didn't even know you had made, he knew though, he quite enjoyed the tiny bit of pain.

"That was really dangerous" he spoke after a moment, drawing your attention to his gaze, now far less orange and far more gold, the red hue having disappeared.

"I think the danger started when I invited you in" you laughed, watching as a smile graced his lips.

"You were told not to, and here I thought you knew how to follow orders" he tisked, causing you to roll your eyes.

"Kinda hard to know which rules to follow when my master says the opposite of others" you smirked, earning a growl that vibrated your chest.

"Always my orders"

"That's what I thought" you smiled, leaning up to capture his lips in a kiss that he happily returned.

"You really like being called that" you joked, causing him to roll his eyes.

"Just means you know your role" he stated.

"Oh? So I'm nothing more than your pet?" You asked with a pout.

"You know you're not, you're my mate" he stated as if it were the simplest thing, which to him it may have been, but to you.

"What does that mean exactly?" You asked, watching as he just blinked at you.

"No like…is that what vampires call girlfriends or.." you trailed off when he started lightly running his finger over the bite marks he made.

"Why do you think I came here even though it was dangerous?" He asked.

"Honestly, I'm not actually sure" you told him truthfully.

"I actually figured you would just go pick up some random at the boardwalk" added while staring at the skin of his arm that you were currently drawing patterns on with your finger. You tried to hide the sad tone but you knew he could easily pick up on it, knew because he was soon turning your face towards him again.

"This doesn't work that way." He started, brushing your hair out of your face.

"None of us have ever been through this before, I'm the first. We just know about it from Max telling us" he explained.

"This rut, it's triggered by us finding our mate. In human terms I guess the closest thing would be a soulmate"

"So I'm…Your soulmate?" You asked, your smile growing.

"Far more than a pet now huh?" He smirked, leaning down to kiss you again. Chuckling when you pulled him closer to deepen the kiss.

"Would this be the right time to tell you that I've kinda had a crush on you for a while?" You laughed, watching as his smirk grew.

"Oh I already knew"

"Wait what?!"

"You think very loudly Sweetheart"

"Wait…How long have you been reading my thoughts?! I told you not to!"

"Long enough" he stated, while lowering his mouth to your ear.

"Now, let's see if you can last for longer than eight seconds Darlin'" he purred, a deep southern drawl ringing in your ears and you knew you were fucked…in more ways than one.

Of course I had to throw in some tidbits about my headcanon that David was originally a gunslinger from Texas lol.

Taglist

@its-monster-mash, @arenpath , @xxx-wounded-angel-xxx , @katpursley94-blog , @theamericanjewitch , @shewhomustnotbenamedsworld , @thelostone91 , @blazeflays , @ilikechocolatemilkh , @babyloutattoo89 , @bigcreatorwombatdreamer , @non-binary-disastrous-mess , @2525sc , @kitteebree , @besas-stuff , @justaspeachy , @faefairi3 , @its-freaking-bats, @santa-carla-boardwalk-1987, @urmothersmistress , @nickangel13 , @lostboysmate1987 , @simpin-for-slashers,

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cerealforkart · 7 months

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Announcements and Updates

I already mentioned this with my anniversary comic this morning (I'm glad people seemed to like "it's back on air"), but Dungeons and Daddies the Manga is a whole year old today and I wanted to talk about a couple things!

For starters, thank you to everyone who's been on this journey with me, from those of you who have been here since lesson 1 to those of you who only just discovered lesson 42 yesterday (you probably don't exist because the tags hated lesson 42). Whether you like or reblog every single lesson, you silently read the updates without ever interacting with them, and even if you fell out of the fandom but you read the manga at some point, I appreciate you all so deeply.

I might be making this a bigger deal than it actually is, but Dungeons and Daddies the Manga is a really special project to me. I'm so proud of my growth and I've put a genuinely crazy amount of time and effort into this. There was a time when I was trying to catch up when this was basically a second job. I would come home from work and draw manga pages until I went to sleep, it was all I did, it probably wasn't healthy tbh. People in the discord know, I've gotten crazy efficient at making these, if I don't have anything else going on, I can pump out 2-3 of these a day when new episodes drop. I've never undertaken a project this big before, I'm more the kind of person with a million abandoned first chapters, so to actually still be keeping up with this is huge for me, so I'm hyping this up a little bit.

If anyone has ever thought, "wow, I would love to support cereal financially! They seem to work very hard and would probably really like some money! I would also love some of cereal's cute art to plaster on my belongings," please keep your eyes open, I'll be dropping stickers in near future (Taylor in the trash can will be one of them)! I meant to have them ready for today, but I've never sold anything online before, and I'm kind of stumbling through the process. I'll try to have them up soon! So keep an eye out in the upcoming weeks.

For those of you who only care about Dungeons and Daddies the Manga, you can stop reading here, thank you so much for enjoying my manga this past year! For anyone interested in some personal updates and projects, please keep reading, I've been working on something I'm finally ready to announce.

I've learned a lot from my work on Dungeons and Daddies the Manga. My art has improved a lot, and it's still improving all the time, and I've really come to love making comics. Which is why maybe it won't be so surprising to learn I've decided to start an original webcomic. This webcomic won't interfere with my work on the manga, no need to worry, but as much as I love the manga, and the DnDads community, there's only so much I feel like I get back from it. I've been pouring so much time, energy, and love into Dungeons and Daddies the Manga over the past year, and I'm so proud of my product, but I want to start putting some of all that into something that's actually mine. I've been through a weird past couple of months where I went through some really bad burnout, looked around my life and realized "oh wow, this ALL sucks! I don't like a single thing I have going on here!" So, I quit my job, moved, and while I've been restructuring my life, I started dusting off some of those old abandoned first chapters I mentioned earlier and getting back into original work.

The webcomic is called The Rotting Things, I've teased it a very little bit here and there. It's about a boy with a power that is slowly but surely killing him and a man said to be unable to die trying to maneuver through a world of magic that hates anyone unlucky enough to be able to wield it.

I'm kind of nervous about starting a webcomic, but I've been waiting to be "good enough" to put something out there for a very long time, and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I'll never be fully happy with my own work and just diving in. It would mean a lot to me if anyone wanted to give it a chance.

An eight page prologue will be dropping next Friday, September 29th, after which pages will start to drop one at a time every Friday. We'll see how I handle the one update a week schedule, it might go up to two pages a week depending on how confident I feel. Just like the manga was, this will be a learning curve for me, but I'm eager to try it out! Please give it a shot!

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #noodly #the rotting things

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xx-thedarklord-xx · 3 months

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People I want to get to know better…

Thank you @littlewinnow for the tag!

Last song: How do I say goodbye by Dean Lewis (Makes me cry every time I hear it and it also makes me want to write a Draco centered fic around it but idk if I have it in me)

Favourite color: PINK. I love pink, but I also like rainbows and I don't care if that doesn't count lmao

Last film/ show: Probably a cooking show like Beat Bobby Flay but I prefer to watch youtube instead of movies and shows because it has to be background noise for me or I can't focus (adhd sucks) and shows and movies require too much of my attention. I like to put on a youtube video while I do other things and just listen to it.

Sweet/savory/spicy: Spicy spicy spicy followed by something sweet!

Relationship status: Separated but single!

Last thing I googled: 'Do sea urchins have eyes?'

Current obsession: Video games. I go through a rotation of things and currently I enjoy playing video games whenever I can.

Last book: Fuck if I remember. I rarely read published books due to anxiety of not knowing what's in it. Which sounds silly, but there are a lot of things I can't read, and I don't like not knowing what I'll find. Why I tend to stick to fanfic where it's labelled for the most part.

Looking forward to: Having the energy to write lmao. I tend to hyper focus on one thing at a time. And since I'm currently in my video game rotation, that means writing is very limited. I might do a couple hundred words a day, which is not ideal but I will take it.

Unsure who has done or would be interested in doing this. I'll tag @valoale @celila-reblogs @lqtraintracks @kunfyouzed @sightedkarma @l0vegl0wsinthedark and anyone else that wants to play!

#tag game #get to know people game #idk what to tag this as

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jorvikzelda · 4 months

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That’s a wrap on jorvikpov.

It’s been more than two years of planning, plotting, writing, and editing, and now, it’s finally over. The last jorvikpov is posted, and I have no plans to ever revisit it. I feel like it’s been enough of an undertaking and gotten enough appreciation that it deserves a proper sendoff post.

Mostly, I want to give a huge, huge thank you to anyone who’s ever read, enjoyed, talked to me about, or in any way interacted with jorvikpov. The support and love you guys have given jorvikpov all along the way means so much to me and I’m happy and grateful beyond words that my passion project became so beloved. A special thanks goes out to everyone who’s ever reblogged a post with something nice in the tags; seeing people get emotional over my writing or speculate about where I’m going with something is an incredibly special experience that I consider myself incredibly lucky to have had. A belated thank you, as well, to whoever nominated and voted for me in the SSOBlr Awards way back when. Even just the nomination means so much to me, and winning was probably the greatest honour my writing's had bestowed upon it.

An even more special thank you (so special, in fact, that it deserves its own paragraph) goes out to Manda/@shiroselia for beta reading the last nineteen jorvikpovs and thus making them the best they could’ve possibly been, for giving me the motivation to stick to a regular posting schedule but also for telling me violently yet lovingly that it’s okay and necessary to dial it the fuck back when keeping up the schedule would’ve pushed me past my limit, and most of all for being my friend, because that’s beyond a shadow of a doubt the best thing asking you to beta jorvikpov led to. I would not be where I am today without you—I owe a lot of the good things in my life over the past couple months to you, including the fact that I finished jorvikpov and am writing this post right now. (You're welcome for the over 100 words long sentence; I had to do it to you one last time, for old times' sake.)

While I’m happy to have finished the fic after all this time, I have to be honest and say I’m more than a little emotional about it ending. In a way, it feels like parting ways with a friend. Jorvikpov has been a constant in my life since November 2021, and it’s carried me through some of my roughest spots and changed me in ways I never expected—not to mention how attached I’ve gotten to the jorvikpov MC and their journey over time. It’s no surprise that it leaves behind an empty space. Still, it’s time to let go. Jorvikpov has done as much for me as it ever could. I'll never be more ready to move on.

I might go quiet on fic writing for a little while now, but I have a lot of plans and ideas that I can't wait to get to work on once I've got the time and energy for them. I'll see you all in the future, whatever it may bring.

#future fics will be posted on this blog #jorvikpov is remaining untouched #z talks #jorvikpov

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rollercoasterwords · 9 months

Note

Hi! I found your blog through the female rage substack article that you posted and I’m curious about a couple things (so I hope the tone of this ask will read as genuine/non-confrontational etc).

I really liked the article and the anti-gender essentialist content, so I looked through the others and eventually found your jegulus article (which I read and also liked) but I was sort of surprised to see that you are a part of the hp/marauders fandom. For me personally, everything related to that franchise has just been tainted since the whole jkr terf debacle really took off. I was big on hp when I was younger and wolfstar is a ship/dynamic that I enjoyed back then, so I’d probably like your stuff if I were to read it. But I decided some time ago to give any and all hp content the chop, because to me it didn’t feel right to engage with it anymore. So I was just wondering how you feel in that regard, if you don’t mind sharing. I don’t have anyone in my internet content circle that still actively posts about hp and if irl friends still enjoy it then it’s not something we talk about, so I’d just like to know how you juggle the ‘two sides’ in that sense of your trans-positive/anti-essentialist beliefs and fandom content that’s still so intrinsically connected to jkr and her politics. (Also, sorry if you’ve answered a question like this before. I scrolled through your blog a bit, but if yes then not far enough.)

Anyway, hope you’re well and I’ll probably keep an eye out for any future essays on your substack even if I don’t follow you on here. cheers! (and thanks for the “playing the whore” book rec, I’ll be looking into that. a rec from my end would be paul b. preciado's "can the monster speak". it's the written version of a speech he tried to give at a Freudian psychoanalysis conference about the position trans people occupy in psychoanalysis before being booed off stage. it was short and pretty intriguing, in case you're interested/haven't heard of it yet.)

hi! happy 2 hear u enjoyed the female rage essay--i wasn't expecting it to spread as much as it did + had to turn off reblogs for my own peace of mind 2 keep terfs away from my blog, but it's nice to know there are still people getting something out of it. also appreciate the book rec--that definitely sounds up my alley + i'm excited to check it out!

and i'll do my best to answer your question about hp, but i'm gonna put it under a cut because i know this is a contentious topic + i have a feeling my answer's gonna get long--so if anyone doesn't want 2 read abt my conflicting hp-fandom thoughts, just scroll away please xx

so, quite honestly, i'm in agreement with you that the entire franchise is tainted by jkr. the truth is that it was never really my intention to join the fandom--i read a single fic because it went viral on tiktok, then decided to rewrite the fic from another character's pov just for fun. at that point, i hadn't read any other hp fic and had never been involved in any kind of online fandom space, and although i'd read the hp books + watched the movies growing up i hadn't touched them in years + was so far removed from the franchise that i vaguely remembered hearing jkr had said some terfy stuff, but wasn't aware of the extent to which her politics were like. actively and significantly causing real-life harm.

anyway, i'd done a rewrite for fun of another story i liked and had posted it on ao3, and that had received a handful of people commenting + talking about the story with me as i wrote but had remained pretty self-contained + small. i was expecting the same sort of thing with the hp fic i rewrote, but instead someone posted about it on tiktok and it went viral, and then suddenly there were thousands of people reading every ch update and hundreds of comments. like i said, i had never been involved in an online fandom space before, so i sort of awkwardly stumbled into it and tried to figure out what i was doing as i finished up writing the fic. this was at a point in my life where i'd recently moved to a different country and had to go back in the closet after being publicly out for years, and this online fandom space became my only queer community and a bit of a lifeline in that way. i started making actual friends and talking to people + getting more deeply involved in the community aspect of things.

at the same time, i started actually educating myself on jkr + her politics + her impact, and the more i learned the more uncomfortable i became with being part of anything hp-related. now, i've been writing hp fic for almost two years and 'active' in the fandom for ~one and a half, and despite being grateful for the friends i've made and treasuring the space i've been able to cultivate, i've become increasingly disenchanted with 'the fandom' as a whole and have increasingly found it to be a hostile space, so i've sort of taken a step back from broader engagement and more + more have limited my interaction to just my mutuals here on tumblr. unfortunately, i think many of the 'bad parts' of this fandom are somewhat built-in because of the source material; there are a lot of people who agree with jkr's politics to varying extents and that can make it kind of a miserable place to be sometimes. i know many people insist that hp can be completely removed from jkr, but i don't think that's the case, and i've talked on my blog before about the fact that her politics are built into the very foundations of the text, so i think it's necessary to acknowledge her influence if we want to actually engage with hp at all in a way that isn't just perpetuating her politics.

all that being said, the point i'm at currently is that i'm not really sure that this fandom is a space i want to be a part of forever. again--i understand how it can be lifeline for some people and a queer community they might not have elsewhere, because that's been the case for me. but for me personally, as much as i value my own carved-out space, it doesn't completely outweigh the negatives that i have found myself coming into contact with more and more in this fandom. writing hp fic is also something that i keep strictly separate from 'real life,' contained solely in this online space, because i know that any engagement with hp is a red flag for many, many trans people and i don't want to bring it outside of this space. within this online space, i don't keep it a secret that i write hp fic; it's right at the top of my blog so that anyone who wants to can easily block and unfollow me. i only post my fics on ao3, where they are clearly tagged as harry potter fanfiction, and i only post about hp fic + fandom stuff on this blog, which was specifically created for that purpose. i've requested that people no longer post about my hp fics on platforms like tiktok where the algorithm could send it out onto anyone's fyp, and that request is also in my pinned faq. keeping my hp fic as contained as possible to only people who are already engaging with hp fic is one way that i try to mitigate any harm that might be caused by my fics contributing to hp's ongoing popularity.

the other ways i try to mitigate potential harm are by actively discouraging people from giving any financial support to hp + jkr and by being very vocal about my politics on this page, so that anyone who is following me will be getting pro-trans and anti-gender essentialism politics along with any hp engagement. i also don't engage with hp uncritically; i am specifically critical of the shitty politics in the books both in my posts on this blog and my fics themselves. i don't make it a secret that i think the books are politically rotten all the way down through to the foundations.

none of this is to say that there's, like...a Right Way to engage with this content or a set of rules that, if followed, Absolve All Shittiness. this is just an explanation of the personal evaluations i've had to weigh when it comes to deciding how i'm going to interact with content that is fundamentally opposed to my own politics. and again, i don't blame people who think that any amount of engagement is morally untenable and completely block it out. this is a growing source of cognitive dissonance in my own life, and i'm increasingly considering whether/for how much longer i want to continue to write fic + be involved in hp fandom. but for the time being, i'm still here + still writing fic, and i guess my feeling is that any harm that fic causes is a drop in the bucket, and even if i were to stop writing it wouldn't necessarily have a huge impact either way. i'm just some random guy online like everyone else; even though i talk about politics, that doesn't mean that i'm asking to be held up as some sort of moral standard, nor do i think anyone should be expected to be 100% politically perfect in every action they take--like, for me, writing hp fic kind of falls into the same category as like...eating mcdonalds even though i think factory farming is fucked, or buying + wearing makeup sometimes even though i think the beauty industry is fundamentally corrupt, or paying to see the new guardians of the galaxy movie in theaters even though i think marvel movies are us military propaganda. i don't think "no ethical consumption under capitalism" is an excuse to completely abandon any attempt to mitigate the harm our actions might cause, but it does matter to me the way in which someone is engaging with a fundamentally broken/corrupt piece of media beyond simply whether or not they're engaging at all. at the end of the day, it's up to everyone on their own to evaluate where they draw the line on hp, and i am not looking to make that judgment for anybody else considering that my own thoughts + feeling about it are still changing.

#ask

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halsteadlover · 2 years

Text

The Beginning

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested by anon: HI! How are you? I love your works! I'm not a native speaker and your writing help me to improve my English. So thanks a lot! Can I make a request? I read your "Life with Jay Halstead" and I really liked this particular sentence "he was nervous when he asked you for the very first time to go on a date with him". Can you write a fic of this? The moment of asking and the actual date? Thank you so much, and sorry for my English! Happy new year! Bye!

• Warning: just few curse words.

• Word count: 4585.

• A/N: hi everyone! Guess who's back with another piece of shit 😍 I know nobody cares but I'm so sorry I just disappeared, it's been a quite hectid period, but from now on I'll try to write as many as possible. So this is part 1 of two. I decided to divide this piece because it was too long and I know nobody wanted to read a long ass piece of +10k words 💀. So let me know what do you think, your feedback is really important to me and like, reblog and follow me if you want. I hope you'll like this piece, I love you all! Xx

Jay Halstead had completely lost his mind for you.

What was initially a simple crush, was becoming over time much, much more and Jay, with each day that passed, he realized more and more he was less and less able to manage and hide it.

Jay had met you about a year ago when you were hired to work as a waitress at Molly’s. He had first seen you one evening after his shift at the police station. He remembered that moment as if it had only happened a short time ago.

It was hot at hell that night and Jay had no desire to go out for a drink with his colleagues, just wanting to go back to his house, take a shower and sleep. That shift was tough enough, at which they all decided a drink would certainly improve the situation a bit so, under insistence, Jay found himself accepting the invitation.

When he entered Molly’s, he had immediately noticed how crowded that evening was and this made him breathe a frustrated sigh, wishing that evening would end as soon as possible.

He looked around him bored, sitting with his arms folded to his chest and leaning on the back of the chair while he did nothing but think about how much he wanted to get up and leave. There were people who lovingly cherish, people who laughed and joked, there were couples of sweethearts who looked at each other with love as they sipped from their drinks.

“What about you Halstead?”.

“Mmh? What?” Jay asked, turning his gaze to his interlocutor, with an expression completely bored and neutral.

“God, it looks like you’re at a funeral,” Adam joked, “I asked what do you want to drink. There are a lot of people tonight, I don’t think any waitresses will arrive soon.”

Jay thought about it for a few seconds and was about to answer when he was interrupted by Kim’s voice who said, “Ah here! A waitress is coming, guys.”

When Jay looked up, he saw you approach his table with a brisk pace but being careful not to bump into anyone. He looked at you insistently, almost studying you, while he tried to make up his mind if he had ever seen you before.

But no, he was sure he had never met you, damn it, he wouldn’t be able to forget a woman like you if he had seen you before. He thought you had probably just started working at Molly’s, since he was a regular customer of the bar and he had never met you before that evening.

“Good evening!” you greeted, looking at each person on that table “What can I bring you?”.

The smile that formed on your lips was like a sudden beam of sunlight that illuminated the darkest corners of that bar. It was broad and enthusiastic, full of joy even if the slight dark circles that surrounded your eyes marked your tiredness. But you were beautiful, the most beautiful woman Jay had ever seen.

Your eyes were dazzling, magnetic, radiant and sparkled like two stars in the darkest sky.

He looked at you mesmerized as you took the notepad and the pen from the pocket of your apron and as you began to write all the various orders. He looked at the way you were focused while you scribbled on that little notebook and his eyes took advantage of this to trace every corner of your face, the curve of your nose, your lips, your cheeks. Every single inch of skin on your face was studied by his attentive, alert and interested eyes. There was a small lamp right above the table where he was sitting that emanated a dim light that directly illuminated your face and, fuck it, you looked like an angel fallen straight from heaven.

Jay suddenly felt an elbow at his left side, which made him jump on the spot and awaken from his daydream. You.

He snapped his head at Adam, glaring at him, quickly realizing how everyone at that table was grinning and laughing under their mustaches.

“She asked you what do you want to drink. Have you gone deaf Halstead?”.

Jay didn’t answer him but looked back at you, suddenly feeling a feeling of embarrassment take over as he noticed the way you looked at him, trying not to smile, or rather, not to laugh.

“Oh… Um… I’m sorry, I was lost in my mind…-” Jay mumbled, scratching the back of his neck with embarrassment. He looked down for a moment, feeling his cheeks heat up and no longer able to bear the intensity with which your eyes looked at him. God what was happening to him?

“Don’t worry, take your time, I’m here. I can pass soon if you want…-” you replied, with a friendly and understanding smile on your lips, trying not to make him feel further embarrassed. His friends were laughing at that point, never having seen Jay so nervous in front of a woman.

Jay returned his eyes to yours, slightly shaking his head. “No, no. I would like a beer if possible, thank you.”

”Any beers in particular?”.

He shook his head again, suddenly feeling even his sweaty hands. “No, you choose for me, any type will do.”

You wrote the last order you were missing on the notepad and then set your eyes on Jay again, who did not take his eyes off you even for a second.

“Can I get you something else?” you asked cordially.

“No, thank you,” almost all of them answered in chorus.

“I’ll come back as soon as possible”.

Jay followed you with his eyes as you walked away from the table and disappeared into the crowd, looking at your body carefully from head to toe, without sparing even an inch. You wore a plain T-shirt and a pair of black jeans and for some odd reason you were more beautiful than all the dressed and made up women in that bar.

The counter was not visible so seeing you was almost impossible and unwittingly Jay found himself hoping the order would arrive as soon as possible.

“Who is she?” he asked his friends, his eyes wandering around the bar as he hoped to see you again.

“I don't know,” Antonio replied. “She have certainly started working here recently.”

“Our little Halstead was so embarrassed,” Kim teased, laughing with the rest of the group.

“Right! I had never seen you like this, since when did Detective Halstead become so shy in front of women?” Hailey continued, laughing at the way Jay rolled his eyes in frustration.

“I wasn't shy or nervous or embarrassed. Quit this bullshit,” he snapped, continuing to look around.

The others continued to tease him but he completely shut down his brain and stopped listening to them. He kept looking around, hoping to see you appear again in the crowd sooner or later.

Who were you? What was your name?

Jay had the inexorable desire to know more about you, to talk to you, and the same instant he saw you reappear with the tray with drinks in hand, he mentally thanked his colleagues for insisting that he to go to Molly's.

“Here you are guys, sorry for keeping you waiting,” you announced as soon as you approached the table, setting the tray down for a moment and starting to distribute the various drinks. “And for you, here's your beer”.

You took the beer Jay had ordered and started handing it to him, but the instant you were about to do so he too held out his hand and as you did, your hands brushed. It was a small contact, almost non-existent, but it was enough for both of us to unleash that blush on your goths.

“T-thank you very much,” Jay almost stammered, cursing himself at the same instant it happened.

“Don’t mention it. Let me know if you need anything else. Enjoy your evening,” you replied with a smile on your face, before throwing one last look at Jay, taking the tray under his arm and walking away from the table after everyone thanked you.

That night was hectic, so much Jay didn't see you sitting even once. He continued to watch you from afar, the way you paced back and forth between tables, taking orders left and right. He noticed the way you never stopped smiling and being friendly to customers, even though you were visibly tired and exhausted.

“Do you want something else to drink?” Jay asks suddenly, turning to his friends.

“Not for now...” they replied and, without even waiting for them to finish the sentence, he got up and walked towards the counter, intending to order another beer. He sat on the stool, waiting for someone to take his order, and by someone he meant you.

He looked around, waiting almost a good 5 minutes before you approached him.

“Hey, what can I do for you?” you asked when you approached Jay. He felt the palms of his hands sweat again and for a moment he even thought about getting up and going back to his place. But he couldn't, he wanted to talk to you, he wanted to know at least your name. You smiled at him and he forgot even the phrase he had already formulated in his mind.

“I just wanted another beer,” he replied, clearing his throat and wiping his palms on his jeans. It had to be a pitiful sight, god. “And possibly your name too.”

What the fuck? Where did this come from?

Jay thought for a moment he was about to get an insult in response but instead you burst out laughing, making him mentally breathe a sigh of relief.

God, what a fucking idiot.

But it was worth it, shit, the sound of your laugh was something so magnificent and sweet, it almost seemed to have eliminated all the sounds and noises that were in that bar. Jay tried to hold back the smirk that tried to appear on his face as he watched you closely.

“You have a name, don't you?”.

“I don't think knowing my name is essential,” you replied with the same joking tone, “Do you want the same beer?”

“Actually no, I've changed my mind. I'd like a cocktail now.”

“Of course, what would you like?”.

“Surprise me.”

Actually Jay didn't even want a cocktail, he just wanted to stay as close to the counter as possible to talk to you.

“So? Aren't you going to tell me your name?”.

Jay rested his elbows on the counter, leaning slightly forward as if to get even closer to you. He didn't stop looking at you even for a second and even if at that moment he had to bite his tongue to keep quiet and not say anything that might scare you away, he realized the incredible attraction he felt towards you.

You threw him an amused look as you began to take all the ingredients to make the cocktail. You looked into each other's eyes for a moment and Jay couldn't help but notice the way they glowed in the dim light of that bar. “Why do you insist on knowing my name?”

Jay shrugged with feigned nonchalance. “I like knowing who I'm talking to.”

“We're not talking in fact, I'm serving a customer.”

Jay pretended not to be touched by these words and instead chuckled, while shifting his weight onto the stool. “Touché.”

He didn't know what else to say.

Fuck, he wanted to hit on you but for some reason he couldn't. He was not stupid, he knew that women liked him and for this reason he had never had problems with them, to hit on them when he liked someone, but in that moment, with you, he realized he didn’t know what to say because it was the first time he found himself in that situation. He was usually the one who intimidated women, and sometimes he liked that too, but finding himself in the reverse parts was something he didn't like at all.

“Do you always look at everyone in this creepy way?” you joked.

Jay blushed from head to toe and thanked god you weren't looking at him right now or it would’ve been very embarrassing. He looked away. “I'm sorry,” he chuckled “And no, I don't look creepy at anyone.”

“Hmm, I must be special then.”

Fuck.

“Here's the cocktail, let me know how it is,” you said, placing the glass on the counter and bringing it closer to Jay. He alternated his gaze between the drink and you was pleasantly surprised to notice the colors of the drink.

“It looks good.”

You leaned with your hands on the counter, your head tilted slightly to the side as you watched Jay taste the drink you made. The way you looked at him, with that little smile on your lips, almost made him spill the drink.

“Go ahead then.”

He took a sip and the expression of surprise that appeared on his face made you laugh. “What's up?”

“It's delicious!” he exclaimed in amazement, taking another long sip. It was all perfectly balanced, you could feel the alcohol but it wasn't enough to make you disgusted and the combination of sweet and bitter that was perceived gave the perfect touch to the drink. Jay had no idea what it was but it was probably one of the best drinks he'd ever had.

“You look surprised.”

He shook his head, giggling. “Not at all, it's really delicious.”

Jay finished his glass at the counter, as slowly as possible so that he could keep talking to you. He was surprised to realize that initial nervousness and embarrassment were almost gone, you managed a lot to calm him down. But that slight gut feeling was always there and the more you kept talking the more Jay felt pushed towards you.

He was attracted to you in a way that he didn't think possible since you knew each other alone for a couple of hours, but these were enough to understand he wanted to know you better, to know as much as possible about you.

The rest of the evening went on, and after that chat at the counter Jay no longer had the opportunity to talk to you, taken as you were from work. There were furtive glances from both of them, and it was impossible to deny it. Jay would glance at you from time to time as he talked to his friends and he was tempted to order even twenty more drinks just to have an excuse to talk to you, but the others stopped him, saying it would seem creepy and obsessive.

And that was the night he saw you for the first time, beautiful, radiant, exuberant. From the moment his eyes rested on you, he never forgot you. He didn't even know your name, but that didn't get you out of his mind, in fact, Jay was more and more determined to know you, he was so intrigued by you.

From the moment you met, he had not stopped for a moment to think about you, your eyes and it was for this reason from that evening, every evening, after every shift, he went to Molly's. It was just to see you, to talk to you.

At first he didn't know how to approach, not wanting to look like some kind of stalker so he just sat at the table, or at the counter, drinking the same beer and occasionally throwing a few furtive glances at you. He wanted to let you know he liked you but he didn't want to ruin everything, or worse to scare you off.

Those furtive glances gradually became short chats, in which you exchanged a few words, you told each other about your day. It was pleasant for both of us, it almost became a need, and over time, weeks, months, those little chats became deeper and deeper conversations in which you began to get to know each other better, to know something different from each other.

Jay had learned over time what your shifts were and started showing up there to keep you company, sometimes even to help you clean the bar and shut it down. You didn’t have a car so you sometimes took a taxi or, when the weather allowed it, you walked to your apartment. It became important for Jay to drive you home, unwittingly fearing that something might happen to you on the way home.

A beautiful friendship was born between you, you laughed, you joked together, you confided in each other but Jay was well aware his feeling was anything but friendship. He was completely bewitched by you and he realized it above all from the fact that his days were now surrounded by the thought of seeing you in the evening, he couldn’t wait to finish working just to visit you at Molly's. However, he didn’t know your thoughts about it, he didn’t know if you felt the same and therefore he didn’t want to risk in any way to ruin the beautiful relationship that had been created between you.

But, fuck, it was getting so hard for Jay to stand next to you and pretend nothing happened, that he didn't want to take you and kiss you until he lost his breath, pretend that every time he looked at you he didn't get lost in your eyes, that every time you he saw laughing and smiling his heart didn’t stop in his chest.

”Jay are you listening to us or not?”.

He raised his head from his cell phone, glaring at Antonio who had just called him. He and his team were all in the unit, but the shift was almost over so they were all debating what to do next.

“God Halstead you're totally screwed,” Kevin laughed. “You're smiling at that cell phone like a little girl.”

“I wonder who you're texting that got you smiling like that,” Adam continued, leaning against his desk and his arms crossed across his chest as he teased his friend.

Jay rolled his eyes, snorting and placing his cell phone in his trouser pocket, trying to get out of his mind the image of the selfie you sent him at work, your big eyes and your beautiful smile. He resumed working on the report he had in front of his desk, ignoring the rest of the team and the blush that was edging his cheeks.

Jay why don't you just ask her out? We can see a mile away you doting on her, only a blind man wouldn't notice,” Kim spoke, approaching Jay and speaking in a low voice so that only him could hear. She leaned against his desk while he let out a sigh instead.

“I don't like her and I'm not crazy about her,” he mumbled, not even looking Kim in her eyes.

She giggled. “Oh come on, don't lie to me or to yourself, we all know here that's not the case. Just ask her out, what are you waiting for?”.

“I'm afraid of ruining everything, what if she doesn't feel the same?”.

“Jay you are a great detective but you are so stupid sometimes. Obviously she likes you, how is it possible that we all see it except you two?”.

“But she never gave me any signals...”

“Jay, she’s just waiting for you to make the first move before jumping in, I see the way she looks at you, she's smitten with you too. I'm sure she thinks the same things you think but we're girls, we want you guys to make the first move because we don’t want to embarrass ourselves or get ourselves hurt.”

“What if she says no?”.

“Then you’ll have no regrets and you’ll know you really tried but I’ll bet my badge she’ll say yes if you ask her out.”

Jay kept thinking of Kim's words as he drove to Molly's and throughout the evening. He knew she was right but he was so scared of losing you that he rather he preferred to be just your friend.

“Halstead you okay?” you asked, placing the beer bottle in front of him and noticing the way Jay kept staring into space. He seemed thoughtful, absent, didn't laugh like he usually did, didn't joke.

“Oh... Sorry... Sure, I'm fine,” he replied, giving you a shy look “Thanks by the way,” he continued, grabbing the beer and taking a sip.

God, since when was I'm so nervous?

His stomach kept twisting in on itself and he’d even punch himself, no matter how idiotic it seemed.

“Mmh, I'm not a detective but I don't think you're okay at all,“ you replied, wiping the counter with a wet cloth “C'mon, you know you can talk to me about everything, you can tell me if something upsets you.”

Jay took a deep breath and after a moment that seemed like an eternity, he made up his mind and took the courage to ask you. But when he looked up and looked you in your fucking eyes, all that courage vanished into thin air, like a breath in the wind.

“I... I have to go,” he stammered frenziedly, suddenly letting himself be seized by total panic. Without even giving you a chance to answer, he got up from his stool - making sure he was leaving the beer money on the counter - and walked out of the bar at lightning speed.

“Jay, wait!” you exclaimed and were about to follow him when you heard Hermann calling you from the warehouse so you were forced to go, with only the question in mind what the hell had happened.

Jay cursed himself with fiber of his being for being so coward, for running away like that and without giving any kind of explanation. When he read your message asking him if he was okay and at least answer you, he let out a loud, frustrated snort.

He punched the wheel of his car, resting his forehead on it as he contemplated whether to leave and never go to Molly's again and thus disappear from the face of the earth, or whether to be a man and grow some balls.

When your shift was over Jay found himself in front of the bar again, but did not enter, waiting for you with his arms crossed over his chest and leaning against his car. He took the opportunity to take a walk to clear his head and in that moment he was more determined than ever to do it, to ask you out.

Seeing you leave the bar he couldn't help but think about how beautiful you were, with that tired and frowning expression. He tried not to get caught up in despair when you didn't look at him with your brilliant smile, which you used to give him every time you saw him.

“Y/N, wait!” Jay exclaimed when he noticed you were walking away, not even saying goodbye. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have left like that. Please stop!”.

“No Jay, that's not how you behave! You got me worried to death! You could’ve at least answer me and let me know that everything was fine, I would’ve understand. But you can't get up like that and leave without saying a word!” you blurted out stopping for a moment and looking at him, and Jay almost wanted to punch himself for thinking about how beautiful and sexy you were also angry.

“Were you worried about me?” he asked with a stupid expression on his face, to which you didn't even answer him and started walking again.

“No, no, no, please don't go,” he gently grabbed your arm and you stopped, looking first at Jay's hand around your arm and then at his face. He immediately let go of your arm and took a deep breath before speaking. “Listen to me, I'm so sorry, you're right, I shouldn't have left like that and above all without giving any explanation. I'm sorry I made you worry, but I needed time to think.”

“Think about what?”

Jay took a deep breath again, fiddling with his fingers as he tried to find the right words to ask you.

Now or never.

“Wel... I ... Er-…”

“Jay are you sure you're okay? You look really nervous.”

You are making me nervous.

“Y/N I... I have to tell you something...”

“Sure, you know you can tell me everything.”

“Fuck,” he let out, turning around for a moment and running his hands over his face in frustration. You positioned yourself in front of him, gently removing your hands from his face and looking into his eyes.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”.

“I hate you, you know that?” Jay blurted out, breaking your heart. You took a step back. “What? Why? What have I done? Did I do something bad? I'm sorry if…-” you stammered but he made you stop by covering your mouth with his hand.

“That's exactly why I hate you, because you talk so much, you are always so promising to apologize so as not to hurt the next one, you are always so kind and unselfish, but also so stubborn, so clumsy that I even wonder how it is possible how you’re a waitress, and I hate you because you fucked my brain up, because since I fucking met you I can't stop thinking about you, your eyes and your goddamn smile. You're making me stupid with your way of doing things, you literally drive me crazy Y/N and I really can't pretend nothing’s happening anymore, I can't be closer to you without having the inexorable desire to kiss and hug you…-” Jay seemed now a river in flood and the speech he had prepared was useless, he was now just saying everything that was going through his head, “I'm sorry for the way I'm telling you this, I'm sure you didn't expect it,” he continued, noticing the shock with which you were looking at him, eyes and mouth open wide, “But I really can't take it anymore, I want you, more than I’ve ever wanted any other person in the world and this thing has been devouring me inside since I first saw you in this damn bar. I... Fuck... You make me feel so nervous Y/N, like no one has done before, I don't know how to act when I'm with you... I wanted... Well… Today I wanted to ask you to go out with me, for a date but I looked at you and, shit, you screwed my brain and I didn't know how to ask you anymore, but yeah… All this was to ask you to give me the honor of taking you out on a date with me.”

When you didn't answer right away, Jay thought he screwed everything up.

God please. Shit, say something.

You kept looking at him with a completely shocked expression and Jay didn't blame you, so he waited for a few moments, giving you time to process what he had just told you, but the more silence loomed, the more panic took over him.

“Listen Y/N… Forget everything I said, let’s just remain friends as before. I'm so sorry,” he muttered in defeat, heartbroken. He started to walk away but stopped when you grabbed his hand with yours, your touch sending a shiver down his spine.

“Pick me up tomorrow at 8.”

Part 2 here →

Tag List: @cbaby, @nosy09, @luvreading67, @danielmarie, @saiyuo12, @alexxavicry, @nachodaze, @waywardhunter95, @fighterkimburgess, @ephemeral3, @mads-weasley, @itskellysev, @lovemedlife, @atarmychick007, @amazedbyitall, @glodessa, @xeleni-dutchnurse, @ossypooh, @itriedtoexplain, @randomwriter1021, @resanoona, @averyhotchner, @ellavanderberg, @mrshalsteadxx, @junevoidzombie, @nocturnalherb16, @croissantthief, @jayhalsteadsbadge, @youngblood199456, @hereforhalstead, @burgstead, @bebataylor84, @ares-kelani-wayne, @lxna-mikaelsxn, @sande5098, @smoothdogsgirl, @withakindheartx, @jess2013, @maddu-oliveira, @lovemesomepietro, @onechicagodrawings, @jinxfan18, @xeleni-nurse, @firerusher, @ready-hit-it-blog, @ready-hit-it, @rainroo2, @tinfoilhat2719, @hehurst23, @upsteadlovingheart, @secondaryjob, @nevaehstreater18, @mrspeacem1nusone, @sophiatellerrhodes, @dedlund82, @kellykidd, @rippl3s, @stephanie708

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gralunaisland · 1 year

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lol i just got a message that juvia is a well written character. Arguments from the category "oh, well, she stopped chasing Gray at the end of the manga and stopped counting on reciprocity. Now Gray is chasing after her!" However, no clear evidence was provided for this. How do you think she has "grown" even one iota as a character? sorry for my english , ehe

juvia Has Had Zero Character Growth

I'm so sorry that I've taken so long to get to your ask @sursirini! I have more asks than I can count rn and so much college work to do @_@. But I have finally returned!

Oh boy, I do not know how people think that juvia has had any character growth whatsoever. Of course that person who dmed you didn't provide any proof because they have none, and yet they keep arguing in a futile manner. I'm sorry you had to deal with that; I hope they left you alone. Also, your English is very good! I would've thought you were a native speaker! ;)

Onto your very good question, I do not think she has grown one iota as a character at all.

I actually go into 2 instances in this post of mine, and I can quickly summarize it here, but that post is much more in depth so I highly recommend reading that one as well (though actually I noticed you reblogged it so you've probably already read it! Thank you for that!)

The two instances I talked about in the aforementioned post was when juvia sacrificed herself for Gray and when she "apologized" for "killing" Silver. For the first point, I said in my post that she lacks self so therefore her sacrifice doesn't mean anything as she would die if Gray died since her entire being is based off of him. It is only selfless in the way that she is devoid of a self in the first place, and this action is just as selfish since she wouldn't have a reason to live if Gray was gone.

As for her apology, I continued on in my post to say that she never apologized and only had a personal pity party to make Gray feel bad. she's not sad for Gray at all that he had to lose his father twice, she's just sad because she thinks she lost her "right" to love him.

I can go into a couple other instances as well.

juvia sacrificing her body for Cana in their fight against Freid scene? Look no further than this post of mine where I go in depth as to how it doesn't prove any real character development not to mention goodness. Short answer is after this one instance, she goes back to being a butt to every woman again as well as making it clear that she doesn't really love FT, and "reverting back to your sickly ways" is the definition of not growing.

juvia making nice with Lucy in the Tower of Heaven? Guess what? Same thing because she goes right back to calling Lucy a blond bimbo as soon as their lives aren't in danger. I've said it before and I'll say it again, but if you only really apologize and act like you care for someone when your life is in danger but are a jerk every other time, you don't really care for them, you just don't want to feel guilty and have regrets.

All this doesn't even mention how juvia continues to stalk and harass Gray even to the end of FT and into 100yq. Literally nothing about her behavior changes; only Gray's behavior does as he is thoroughly brainwashed by this wicked woman.

Honestly at this moment, I can't even think about other examples Pros might come up with because there are so few instances of things that could be misconstrued as being character growth. If y'all think of any, let me know and I'll give you my thoughts!

Also, @absolutezerotolerance had a wonderful post that drew a really helpful comparison linked here. Most of that post was debunking a dumb gr///via post, but the thing that stood out most to me was comparing juvia at the beginning of the manga and then at the end. she really hadn't changed at all, from doom and gloom because no one loved her, to doom and gloom because no one, least of all Gray, loved her. Absolutely nothing had changed except for the fact that she only wanted Gray's affections instead of affection in general, and through that, she became a dependent, parasitic, satellite character who lacks agency.

Anyway, thank you again for your patience, and if you have any more questions, feel free to ask! Have a wonderful day!

#askgraluna #anti gruvia #anti juvia #anti juvia lockser #anti juvia loxar #fairy tail #ask #defend gray fullbuster #gray fullbuster #anti gray x juvia #cana alberona #lucy heartfilia #fairy tail discourse #fairy tail discussion #gruviugh #gruvia can burn #gruvia sucks

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maple-seed · 1 year

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heyyyy are you going to post a couple chapters of thrown when you come back on or will you be going back to once a week? Hope you’re doing okay💖

I am doing as well as I can. Thank you. I'd also like to thank everyone else who has sent me kind words, I do appreciate it even if I did not respond.

This is a good question and one I was planning on making a post to address.

Ideally, I'd like to toss in an extra chapter here and there. I had all of the chapters laid out on the calendar and generally liked to keep the fic events aligned to the real world time frame. I would love to get that "caught up" before the final chapter, but I'll be honest and say I don't know if it's possible.

I'm going to be very candid here. There are some days when I am "okay" but I have to admit that on those days I am mostly numb. There are other days when I am drowning in despair. Also days when I am seething with rage. Some days I vacillate between all of those. It's not a very productive state to be in. In the last three weeks, the only thing I have written was my sister's eulogy.

Thrown has themes regarding trauma and loss and healing and I don't know how well I'll be able to manage that now that I have extra helpings of the first two and feel like I'm doing very little of the third. Additionally, you just won't believe how your calendar fills up when your best friend/little sister dies suddenly and without explanation at age 25. People want to see you all the time, and you need to see people even if you don't want to, and there are an awful lot of things to take care of like bank accounts and utility bills and just physically moving and storing all of her stuff. Right now just logistically finding time to write, let alone motivation, is a struggle.

Realistically, when Thrown comes back it will probably be returning to once a week. I was always very proud of myself for keeping to a regular once-a-week schedule and I would like to return to it. In order to do that I will need to get a lot of writing done, because I know that with my current state I will need several more buffer chapters to be able to post regularly. I'll be around on tumblr and I'm hoping that getting back to reading/reblogging will get me back in that headspace.

I might change my mind later, and just post chapters as I can, without a regular schedule, but this doesn't appeal very much to me.

TL;DR: When Thrown comes back it will probably be once a week. I don't know when it will come back. It absolutely will come back, though, the story is not abandoned.

I hope I'll be getting around to responding to comments I've missed soon. Thank you everyone for your patience.

Tagging the Thrown taglist below the cut.

@mischief2sarawr, @imalovernotahater, @norestfortheshelbywicked, @purplekitten30, @ozymdias, @pdraxxi, @goblingirlsarah, @chantsdemarins, @n3rdybirdee, @marvel-love24, @lokiprompts, @ladymischief11, @gigglingtigger, @lilmilkbun, @huntress-artemiss, @ellooo0ooo, @femme1fatale, @clairewinchester14, @glitterylokislut, @psychospore, @ladyloki3, @skinij3fx, @iamlokisgloriouspurpose, @lunarnights95, @callxmexnadine, @lilibet261, @valeave, @f2mhg2lt2rta, @fruit-caught-on-camera, @ladymischief11, @paetonnn, @confusedpanda-777, @honeyrydernot, @sarcastic-siren, @wolfsmom1, @lokisgoodgirl, @cakesandtom, @unlucky-number-13, @rinnwylde, @javagirl328, @josiedoesdoodles, @rose7420, @ultrasnakesona, @vickie5446, @superficialdomina

#asks #personal #loki thrown

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fereldanwench · 11 months

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So I've been kind of wondering for the past couple of months if doing a revamp of my posing/photomode guide for AMM would still be a worthwhile endeavor.

One of the main reasons I made it was because back in the day, posing NPCs (especially any that didn't have the generic male locomotion) was not the most straightforward thing to do, to say the least. But when AMM got the major update that had poses built into the menu, I wasn't sure if it would really be needed in the same way, which put it pretty low on my list of priorities.*

*That guide was also very time-consuming to put together, and while I was happy to do it because I like sharing and organizing information, the main reason I was able to dedicate so much time to it was because I was unemployed. Which, both thankfully and regrettably (lmao), I haven't been for a year.

There are still some quirks with how poses work in AMM (like the way the poses reset if you unfreeze or move a character), but my guess is that it's probably a lot more accessible and a lot less confusing now than a year ago.

I think the support and development for PMU have also done a lot to make posing/expressions (especially for V) way easier than it was in the past.

But it's possible that all of this just seems so much easier to me because I've also been at it for a while now. I don't really feel like I have as much of a beat on where folks, especially newcomers, are with this stuff anymore--Maybe it still feels really overwhelming and incomprehensible.

So, to get to my point: would folks find an update/revamp of that guide beneficial?

I think if I did do one, I would probably streamline it a lot--It would probably just be a refreshed version of the little practice scene to use some spawned NPCs, lights, and maybe a decor item; I think that was what most people used in the current guide anyway. I wouldn't go through explaining how to install AMM, each menu tab in detail, locomotion stuff, etc.

I've also kind of gone back and forth on doing a couple of video tutorials. They'd be a lot easier and quicker for me than writing out step-by-step instructions. But, I know for me personally when I'm learning new processes and software and whatnot, I prefer text over video--Not sure if I'm the minority here.

Poll here for quick feedback, but if anyone wants to share any specific thoughts, questions, struggles, etc., feel free to reblog/comment to do so. (I might not respond to everyone, but I'll definitely read any feedback.)

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 screenshots #g: cyberpunk 2077 #t: wench.txt

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asksoldieron · 4 months

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SO-16: And Here's the Action!!

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

No art, and I'm pissed because I had a really cool idea for this one. Erik is playing with guns and guns are cool! I have played with some guns (in a controlled environment, don't get nervous) and I can confirm that they are very cool. Not cool enough for me to spend money spraying more lead indiscriminately around the environment, but if forty feral hogs habitually showed up on my lawn, I'd have me some fun. Well, I'll edit the art in later, at some point, hopefully.

*ahem*

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for The Chatterbox Massacre (SO-16) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

😭Waaaaaah I wanted to draw St. George-in-Erik firing guns with magic but I just CAN'T yet! I mean, non-zero chance I'll screw up my first couple illustrations when I can draw again, so I probably shouldn't draw that one first anyway, but I wanna see it. Damn.

IRL, I'm not fond of violence as a solution, but as a writer I appreciate the expedience. BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG! Okay, and now we have a whole bunch of NEW problems. I suppose that's not really a solution at all, but it's still gonna look cool when you imagine it. That's how come they say it's not possible to make an anti-war movie. You script it and make it part of a narrative and put some good actors and effects in it, and it just looks cool. Can't help it, gotta roll with it.

On the other hand, while Erik certainly doesn't deserve to die for being who he is, you can see why the cops prefer to kill immies on sight. Look what they can do! But, on the third hand, look at what Maggie can do. Nobody's going to unload on her for being magical unless she does something and they see it.

Poor Maggie made a little error and punched Mordecai when she really didn't need to, but if you've been reading you may suspect who (or what) put their finger on the scale, and who helped her shrug off David's little god trick. But to tell you the truth, it's like that because I forgot how magic works when I wrote the first draft. I needed her to punch him in the face! Fortunately, their unseen observer needed her to punch him too. We'll get to that when they get home again.

I was surprised by how little time it took to actually kill everyone. (Ha-ha, there's another one of those things I can only say because I'm a writer.) I was worried it needed to be more epic. The spouse advised me that that's just how it is when only one guy has a working gun in a street fight. It's over. People are dead and that's forever. On to the next thing. Bleh. I don't like the idea of it, but it rings true enough.

John is... not doing well, is he? I'd been planning this scene for years but that caught me off guard. I didn't realize what the situation would look like to him until I got him back inside and George handed him a gun. Well, let's see, Erik's family are right there to help him and he knows that, and he's holding an object that will get him out of the way so Erik can go home. Uh, yeah, why wouldn't he? (Currently writing the next 6 and I've almost got him out of Prokovia, and the plot, for the time being. Jenny will put him back together and Rob will forgive him, but Billie might not...)

Next instalment goes up on Erik's birthday, and mine! It's not birthday-themed or anything, but after all this nonsense his family do finally have enough information to get him home. They just have to put it together!

[Back to site?]

#tin soldier and soldier on #instalment #engagement lounge #still wanna draw #but also need to make tamales and more cookies #dang christmas why you so complicated?

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keeshya6 · 11 months

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Last Chance

Chapter 4 - The Last Thing Stopping Him

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 5

Rating: M (Eventually will be E. 18+ only, minors dni!)

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: Reader explores Jackson a little, meets a couple more people, and we learn a bit more history.

(This chapter includes spoilers for The Last of Us, season 1, episode 1. Stop HERE if you don't want spoilers.)

Content Warning and general info: Angst, grief, some build up of spiciness, discussing death, loss of a child, Reader has a nickname

Oh, this chapter is kind of edited... it was late again. I'll probably be editing a little more when I look at it later. Lol.

Thank you for reading! As always, I'd love to hear from ya'll! Any comments and reblogs are loved and appreciated!

Also available on Ao3

I hope you enjoy!

Tagging: @vickie5446

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Chapter 4 - The Last Thing Stopping Him

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The next day you keep yourself busy, exploring more of Jackson and introducing yourself to people. You learn some of their stories: where they're from, how they came to be in Jackson, what they do here, etc..

It has you contemplating what you're going to do to contribute to the community, though the councilwoman you met a few days ago told you not to worry about it right away. She said you could take a couple weeks to recuperate and get settled. The community would take care of you.

Being part of something so well organized and so companionable again is a very foreign feeling. It's going to take some getting used to again, but you're looking forward to it.

It's a little after noon when you cross paths with Tommy again, on his way to help with the community's livestock. He greets you with a grin and a hug. Then he invites you to dinner, to meet his wife and son.

Your eyebrows shoot upward. "You're married? And… a father?" you ask, amusement laced into your tone. "Mister New-Girl-Every-Couple-Months?"

Tommy heaves a long suffering sigh and rolls his eyes, giving a shake of his head. "Don't start on me, Eeps," he says with a warning tone, even though he's smirking. "I get enough of that from my big brother."

A faint chuckle passes your lips and then you take a slow breath. You breeze past the way your stomach does a little somersault at the mention of Joel. "I'm happy for you, Tommy. Just a little teasing," you say, with a grin. "And I'd love to join you."

He grins in return with a nod, gives you directions to his house, and continues on his way to the stockyards.

Taking another deep breath as he walks away, you exhale slowly and let your eyes close as you try to still the rapid beat of your heart.

You'd been spending the day out in the town to keep your mind off Joel, and now he's the center of your thoughts once more. Along with those thoughts, the anxiety creeps up on you again, the same mix of excitement and fear that barely allowed you to sleep last night.

Some of the night you had cried, overwhelmed with the relief of knowing he's alive and somewhere nearby; or because the uncertainty caught in your throat about whether or not he'll be happy to see you. Other times when you woke up yet again, you had just laid there in quiet thought, pulling up happy memories from so long ago that you hadn't often indulged in thinking about.

Opening your eyes again, you swallow hard and clench your jaw with determination.

You can do this. You'll make it through this, no matter how it goes, just like everything else since outbreak day.

With one more clarifying breath, you turn away from Tommy's retreating back and resume your exploration of Jackson.

Several hours later finds you standing at the door of a cute house, nibbling at your lip as you hesitate to knock. After a few minutes pass, you finally manage to trample down your anxiety and rap your knuckles against the door.

You're surprised to see the door answered by the councilwoman you met a week ago.

"Oh! Maria!" you say with a somewhat embarrassed smile. "You're…Tommy's wife?"

Maria gives you a kind smile and nods, opening the door and gesturing for you to come inside. "Yes," she responds, before a confused expression crosses her face. "But he told me your name was Eeps. That's not what you told me when we met."

An exasperated sigh escapes you. "Eeps is the nickname he dubbed me back in Austin," you say with a faint laugh despite yourself, "when it was found that I squeak when I'm surprised or…tickled." You give her a tortured look.

For a second, she does chuckle as she guides you into the house from the entryway. Then she goes quiet and her brows pinch together as she looks at you curiously.

It's not a jealous look, but you can guess that she's wondering about the extent of your past friendship with her husband. You give a little shake of your head. "He liked startling me, but he wasn't the one that tickled me," you say with a smirk.

Her expression grows serious at that as she nods and leads you through the living room, towards the kitchen. "Oh. Joel."

You give her a curious tilt of your head, brows peaked. "Yes…"

She pauses near the entry into the kitchen, turning to fully face you and leveling a concerned look at you. "Look, I don't know you well," she starts, "but you seem like a considerate person. I'm concerned, and so is Tommy, about you meeting Joel again." She holds up a hand to stave off your response when you scowl, shift your weight to one hip, and cross your arms. "Just…hear me out, please. With everything Tommy has told me about how things were, and considering how they are now, we're just worried you're setting yourself up to be disappointed."

You stare at her for a moment, shocked that someone you barely know would talk like this. Then again, she does know Tommy and Joel, and she probably didn't get to being a council member by being timid with her words. Inhaling deeply through your nose, you force your expression to soften.

"I hear you," you say simply, then add, "and maybe I will be disappointed." Shrugging, you throw your hands up briefly before dropping them down onto your hips. "But I'm not so worried about being disappointed that I'm just going to give up and not try."

Maria's dark eyes narrow a little and she studies you for a moment before a smile curves her mouth upward. "Fair enough. I can't fault you for that… too much."

After a moment you return her smile and then follow her as she turns to head into the kitchen.

"Come on," she says. "I've got a couple things to finish for dinner before Mikey is up from his nap. You can cut up some veggies."

The next couple hours pass pleasantly with easy enough conversation. You learn a little about Maria, about how she and Tommy met, their whirlwind romance, and how they balance their community roles with their new roles as parents. You also meet little Micheal, their one-year-old, immediately adoring his cherub smile.

As you get up to take your leave, Maria bids you goodnight and scoops up her toddler to take upstairs for bed. Tommy, with a proud smile on his face, watches them go for a moment before turning to you and offering to walk you out.

You make it about halfway back through the living room before you stop short, a soft gasp catching in your throat and making Tommy tense and spin back towards you.

He finds you frozen in place, a stricken expression on your features as you stare at the mantle over the fireplace.

Tommy's eyes follow yours and his shoulders relax as he sighs softly.

Tears rim your eyes as you look over at Tommy and then back to the small chalkboard sitting on the mantle, with two candles in front of it. Two names are on the board, with dates written below them: Kevin, 4/3/00 - 9/29/03… and Sarah, 7/20/89 - 9/27/03.

A lump forms in your throat and it takes you a few tries to swallow around it as you stare at Sarah's name. You don't even realize you're moving then, until Tommy has led you to sit in a chair, your eyes locked on the little memorial.

Tommy crouches beside your knee as you sit there, a few silent tears slipping down your cheeks. He waits, patiently, nodding to Maria when she comes back in. Realizing what has happened, she sits on the nearby couch to wait too.

When you finally find your voice again, it cracks with emotion. "The day after outbreak?" you ask in barely more than a whisper.

Tommy gives a slight nod. "Yeah… really early hours."

You swallow hard again and nod. Then, you hastily swipe at the tears on your cheeks, heaving a sigh. "I don't know why this is hitting so hard," you whisper in a broken voice. "I-I basically mourned all of you years ago. And… I still suspected something happened to her. You would have mentioned her otherwise."

He nods again but it's Maria that speaks up. "Suspicion is one thing, but knowing for certain can be harder sometimes."

Glancing over at the other woman, you nod again after a moment of thought and sniffle a little.

Then, you freeze for a second, your mind reeling. It feels like a rock drops into your gut as your eyes dart back up to the chalkboard memorial and then tear over to Tommy's concerned face.

"Please, Tommy," you choke out, "please, t-tell me Joel didn't have t-… Sarah didn't get bit a-and…" Your words catch in your throat, the thought too horrific to even finish.

To his credit, Tommy catches on quickly and is shaking his head before you have to finish the thought. "No, no. It wasn't like that. He didn't have to… to do that," he assures you and you sigh heavily in relief. Then, at the sad and quizzical look you give him, he shakes his head. "It's not my story to tell, Eeps."

You mull on that for a moment, worrying at your lip with your teeth as you look back up at the board. With a steadying breath, you nod and gulp against the thick feeling in your throat.

"Okay. I'll wait for Joel to tell me… if he wants to," you say, taking another cleansing breath and unsteadily pushing to your feet. After all, you thought, it's not like knowing exactly what happened would change anything. "I should get going," you say, giving Tommy a sad little smile as he rises to his feet beside you.

Saying your goodbyes again is more somber this time. You thank Maria for dinner and her hospitality. Tommy finishes walking you out, even going all the way down the path from his door to the quiet street.

Once there he gives you a brief squeeze of a hug and smiles at you, a tinge of sadness in his eyes now too. "Thanks, Eeps, for…giving a shit about us all."

You give a strained laugh, punching his shoulder lightly. "How could I not? You Millers have a way of digging into people, one way or another."

His chuckle follows you as you turn on the toes of your boots and start the trek back to your house.

—

You had learned something that night, outside the club.

Joel was a damn good kisser.

After that night, he didn't hold back on the kissing anymore either, and you didn't question it.

Hell, you learned the heady taste of his kiss, the contours of his mouth, and the way he liked to tease your tongue with his own, before you ever learned about things like his favorite sports teams and the best concert he'd ever gone to. That knowledge did start filtering in too, of course, but not nearly as quickly as what way you had to drag your nails across his scalp to get him to moan a little into a kiss.

Things lingered there for a long while, with dates scattered across several more weeks as you tried to fit in time together with both of your busy schedules. At least they were no longer ending with just a peck on the cheek though. The heat in the lingering kisses, or even full on make-out sessions, was amping up each time you got to see Joel, and the more time you spent together the more you liked him. Just thinking about him throughout the days in between dates often had you lost in daydreams, unable to find the relief you could at night with the help of your clever fingers, and you'd end up fighting a blush when something or someone would pull you back to reality.

One Friday night, after you'd been seeing each other for a little over three months, Joel surprised you.

He liked doing that.

Standing in the threshold of your front door, he had you wrapped up in his arms and lost in one of those delicious kisses. Then, he pulled back just enough to break it and held you there for a moment, dark eyes searching your face.

Your lashes fluttered a little before you could focus up at him, and found him with a faint, self-satisfied smirk on his lips. A small snort escaped you and you rolled your eyes as he chuckled.

Yes, you enjoyed his kisses and you were both well aware.

Then you lifted a brow at him.

His tongue darted over his lips, conveying his nervousness, despite the soft smile. "Would you… like to come over for dinner tomorrow night?"

Your eyebrows had reached high at that. "What about Sarah?" you asked.

Saturdays were normally reserved for time with his daughter, and Joel had been very clear about that. On other nights, when the two of you went out, she was usually at the neighbors' house or at home spending time with Joel's brother or one of their parents. Either way, it was why Joel always headed home earlier than you might have liked otherwise.

But you couldn't deny how endearing his devotion to his kid was.

His jaw twitched a little to the side as he ground his teeth for a second, and then gave you an uncertain smile. "I'd…like you to meet her."

A light breeze could probably have tipped you over if Joel's arms hadn't been around you.

"R-really?"

He barely nodded. “It won’t be anything fancy…”

You smiled brightly and pushed up on your toes to give him a quick kiss and cut off his nervous words. "I'd love to."

The next night you couldn't believe how nervous you were as you drove to his place, your nails drumming on the steering wheel with erratic rhythms. You had changed your clothes about a dozen times before deciding on something, even though Joel had assured you that 'casual' was the way to go.

Pulling up to the house, you looked over the two-story home and smiled softly. It was simple in design but functional, and it fit exactly what you would have expected for Joel.

When you reached the front door, it yanked open so suddenly, before you even had a chance to knock, that you jumped with a squeak of surprise.

You were greeted by a beautiful young girl with a beaming smile on her golden-bronze face, her dark honey-brown eyes shining. She said your name as a question and, when you nodded, she giggled. "You really do squeak like Uncle Tommy said. Can I call you Eeps too?"

You sighed with a laugh over the recently acquired nickname and nodded. Grinning, she opened the screen door and hurriedly introduced herself as Sarah. She grabbed you by the hand then and tugged you inside.

Still laughing, you stumbled into a small-ish living room that led straight into a dining room and kitchen, where Joel stood over a steaming pot of something, stirring it. Your eyes met his across the space, over miscellaneous pieces of furniture, and the wide smile he gave you made your heart skip a little.

His broad shoulders moved up in an amused shrug. "She was excited."

"I gathered," you said with a smile of your own.

"I'm going to give her a tour!" Sarah announced and, without waiting for confirmation from either adult, she tugged you along again, upstairs.

There wasn't a lot to show up there: a decent sized bathroom with Joel's room on one side of it (you barely caught a discreet glimpse inside), and Sarah's room down at the other end of the hall. The way she lingered with you in her room, showing you some of her favorite things and talking excitedly about her favorite music and movies, you realized that the girl was probably just happy to have some feminine companionship. Joel and Tommy didn't exactly fit into that puzzle piece.

So, you stayed up there with her for a while, letting her chatter on cheerfully. Eventually she got around to asking questions about you: what some of your favorite things were, why did you become an architect… how much did you like her dad?

Preteens aren't exactly subtle.

You gave her a slow, broad smile, nibbling your lip a little. "I like him a lot," you said, and then paused, noticing how inadequate that word felt. "Actually… I adore him," you amended with a shrug.

Sarah beamed at you and then leaned in to whisper, as if sharing a secret. "Good, 'cause I think he's a little crazy about you. He's always in the best mood on the days after he sees you."

That made your smile brighten and you could feel warmth creep up your neck and into your cheeks, just in time for Joel to call up the stairs for you and Sarah to come down.

Grinning at you, Sarah hopped up from the edge of the bed, her tight curls bouncing. She paused, a soft grimace crossing her face. "Just… don't judge his cooking too much," she said, as she held out her hand for yours again.

You laughed, eyes widening dramatically as you let her take your hand again. "Oh, great. Now you've got me scared," you said as she led you out her door and back downstairs with a giggle.

As you and Sarah settled into chairs at the table, Joel glanced back from dishing up what looked like spaghetti. “Either of you scare the other off yet?”

Sarah grinned. “Not yet!” she quipped, then she turned back to you. “Dad actually makes the best spaghetti.”

“Then I’ll take notes,” you said with a smile. You glanced up and tossed Joel a wink as he set plates down in front of you and his daughter, making him smirk and show off that dimple of his before he turned to grab his own plate.

Dinner passed quickly, with Sarah leading most of the conversation with exuberance. She told you about her soccer tournaments, a play she’d been in at school, and how much she was looking forward to a camping trip with her best friend’s family in a couple of weeks. You listened intently, asking the occasional question to encourage her. Now and then you would look over at Joel and find him smiling softly between bites of his food, either at you or at Sarah.

After dinner, you and Sarah got up to wash the dishes. Joel tried to disuade you, as his guest, but you just gave him a playful shove towards the couch and took over the task before he could come up with a better excuse. Once finished, you and Sarah joined Joel on the couch to watch some reality t.v. car show, with Sarah curling up into his side.

Within half an hour, the girl was snoring softly with her head on her dad’s lap, and you exchanged a smile with him when you both noticed. Joel chuckled and let her stay there for a little while, to make sure she was really out, before he carefully gathered her up in his arms and carried her upstairs to her room.

When he came back down, he found you standing at the front screen door, looking out at the view of the sky. He stepped up behind you and slipped his arms around you, making you squeak and then giggle as you leaned back into him.

"You alright?"

You nodded, an easy smile curving your mouth. "Yeah. Just watching the stars come out," you said with a thin laugh. "My place is too close to the city center. Can barely see them."

He nodded and you could feel it against your hair.

“So…" he said after a few moments of quiet, "I think she likes you." His voice rumbled in his chest against your back.

With a grin, you rested your head back against his shoulder. “You think so? I figured she was just a chatty, little almost-teenager.”

A soft laugh escaped him. “She is, but not usually that much.”

Your hands slid along his forearms, across your midsection, as you huffed a little laugh. Then, after a moment of thought you smiled brightly, “I like her too, Joel. She’s a great kid.”

You could feel the way his chest swelled with pride against your back and you pressed your lips together to keep from grinning like too much of a fool.

For a while, the two of you stayed like that in comfortable silence, watching as more stars blinked to life in the sky's dark canopy outside the door. Occasionally, Joel would tilt his head down and press a kiss against your shoulder or to the side of your neck, until you hummed contentedly and could feel his smile against your skin.

Glancing down at your watch, you took a deep breath and then exhales slowly. "Well, it's about time for me to get to driving," you said, shifting in his arms.

Then, you froze, when his arms tightened around you, just a bit.

"Do you…want to stay?" he softly asked against your hair, near your ear.

Your mouth felt instantly dry and you swallowed hard, eyes widening a little as you twisted in his arms, just enough to look back at him over your shoulder. Dark eyes met yours, so close, warm and intense, and after a moment his brows ticked upward a fraction of an inch.

With your lip caught by your teeth, it took you a moment to find your voice. "Be…before I figure out how to answer that," you started softly, your tongue darting over your lips. With the way his eyes followed the movement you might have melted into him right then and there, if you weren't still a bit confused. "...why now? What changed?"

It was Joel's turn to look confused, brows drawing together to deepen the creases between them.

You swallowed thickly again and let a little puff of a laugh tumble from you. "It's…not like there haven't been other…opportunities," you said, warmth fluttering into your cheeks. "Of any night, I wasn't expecting tonight with…being here," you finished with a slight shrug and a brief glance over his shoulder towards the stairs.

He nodded in understanding and let a smile pull at his own lips as he shrugged too. "Honestly… seeing you get along with my kid is what changed." When you gave him another incredulous look, he chuckled and then shrugged. "Until I knew if you two got along, I couldn't risk gettin' more invested in… seeing where this all goes."

For a few moments, you were quiet as you processed that, until a gradual smile was drawing up the ends of your mouth. You canted your head at him with a curious and playful look. "'More invested', hm?"

Joel grinned, unapologetic, and didn't elaborate. Instead, he slipped one hand up from your waist to cup your cheek and pull you into a kiss over your shoulder. It only lasted a few seconds before he broke it and whispered against your lips, "What do ya think, Darlin'?"

Your breath stuttered as you found yourself nodding eagerly, turning in his arms. Just as you were about to kiss him again, as his big hands splayed across your back, you paused and a laugh escaped you. "You know," you said, a coquettish smirk on your lips, "you would choose the one date I figured there was no possible reason to wear one of my sexier bra and panty sets, and just went with cute and practical instead."

Joel's brows lifted with piqued interest as he smirked too, blatantly letting his darkening eyes drift down over the lines of your covered body and then back up to your face. The smile he gave you then was almost wolfish before he dipped his head down to nuzzle his mouth against the hair by your ear.

His voice was a lower timbre than normal, sending heat spearing straight to your core. "Guess I better make a good impression then… to up my chances of seeing those other ones…"

A giggle tumbled out of you as your fingers fisted into his curls, making him hiss, and pulling to lift his head. "I like the way you think, Joel Miller," you purred, and then slotted your mouth to his as he tugged your body up flush against him.

—

Joel grumbles as he stretches his neck from one side to the other, shifting uncomfortably on his horse's saddle.

Two days of riding to get back home is a damn long time, and he couldn't be happier to see the gates of Jackson as they creak open.

It's still fairly early and only about half of the town seems to be awake as the patrol group makes its way down main street towards the stables. They're spotted a few times by residents greeting them and asking questions. No one bothers Joel though, so he nudges his horse on ahead.

He's nearly to the stables when his fists tighten on the reins and he pulls the horse up short, making the animal paw irritably at the dirt. Joel doesn't notice though, his eyes locked further down the road.

His chest starts to burn with the shallow breaths he's taking and the way his heartbeat is rocketing upward. A ringing fills his ears as he clenches his eyes closed, dropping his chin down towards his chest.

Ellie draws her horse up next to him about then, her face scrunching up with concern as she reaches over to his shoulder. "Woah, Joel? You okay?" When he doesn't answer immediately, she shakes his shoulder a little. "Joel?!"

Joel grunts, batting her hand away, and continues to focus on evening out his breaths until the ringing in his ears starts to subside. When he does finally speak, his voice is choked though.

"Ellie, do you see Maria up a-ahead? Near the grocery?"

There's a pause as Ellie looks. "Ummm…yeah."

"Is…" he starts and then pauses, swallowing roughly, "...is there someone with her?"

Fucking hell, it had to be his imagination, right? Right?

"Yeah. Don't recognize her though."

Joel's jaw clenches against an unfamiliar tremble. "What… does she look like?"

He can practically feel the questioning look Ellie gives him but then she starts listing off descriptors.

Hair color. Skin tone. Build. Her best guess at height.

His fingers tighten on the reins as every word matches his memories and a painful ache builds in his gut and claws up into his chest.

With every breathful of labored air burning his lungs, Joel finally lifts his eyes up again to find where Maria is standing about a block away.

Talking with you.

He lurches out of the saddle, boots hitting the road hard, and then he's moving forward before he even realizes it.

His voice cracks the first time he tries to raise it and he has to try again.

This time, your name comes out of Joel in a pained bellow, echoing off of the storefronts of mainstreet.

#fanfic #reader insert #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #joel tlou #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fic #joel miller x you #ao3 #ao3 fanfic

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