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sturniolo-rat · 25 days

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Chapter 1: Cherry Contact

A/N: If this flops, I’m going to cry😢 In loving memory of @newsourceofnonsense, she's not dead; I just like the memory of her.

Contains: smut, oral, fingering , exhibitionism, plot

TW: tell me if you find any

Chris and Y/N are two walking commitment issues that enter into a mutually assured attachment.

Everyone thinks Y/N is a book hoarder, but she considers herself more of a book collector. She has over 700 books that take up damn near her whole apartment. The collection consists primarily of special and first-edition books. It’s probably worth around $50,000, but she doesn’t care because she plans on keeping them forever. To fund her obsession, she works as a waitress at a restaurant that just opened up called “The Copper Kitchen.” her best friend, Dorset, is a freckle-faced white girl with short brown hair, green eyes, and circle glasses. She also happens to be a bartender at “The Copper Kitchen.” Currently, Y/N is outside of her apartment waiting for Dorset so they can carpool to work. When Dorset pulls up in her shitty car, Y/N is ecstatic because she has big news to share.

“Dot, I’ve done it!” she says as she hops into the passenger seat.

“Wh- what have you done?” She’s very concerned that Y/N has done something crazy. It wouldn’t be the first time. The last time something like this happened, she told Dorset that she got her ex’s name tattooed on her left ass cheek.

“I’ve decided to have sex with men again!”

Dorset is relieved. “OMG! Yes! We can finally fight over men again!” They laugh as she merges back onto the road to begin the short trip to work.

“Yep, I’m meeting a guy at the restaurant after my shift,” Y/N says proudly. She's been off men since her break up three years ago, and this new guy is the first not to give her the ick within the first week of talking. She knows meeting up doesn’t automatically mean sex, but she hasn’t had dick in 3 years and feels that she owes it to herself to fuck this man. It’s not like she’s interested in anything else from him. Romance is strictly off the table for her. She prefers to stick to smutty romance books and shitty Tumblr fanfics of perfectly romanticized versions of men.

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear all about your little hookup.” They part as they head to their respective jobs at the restaurant—time to deal with shitty customers who tip like assholes.

Twenty minutes before the end of her shift, the most obnoxious kids walk in. They’re not actually kids; they're about 20, but Y/N considers anyone under 22 a kid, and these guys seem incredibly immature.

“Hey guys!” Says Nick, holding up the camera. “Welcome to today’s Friday vlog where we will be…”

Matt takes the camera, “trying the food at…”

Chris gets into the shot and yells, “The Copper Kitchen!”

Nick hits Chris in the head “Don’t yell in my fucking ear!”

“Don’t hit me, Dickface!” Chris hits him back while Matt holds the camera and laughs to the side.

The Y/N comes up and loudly asks, “Is this your whole party?” She gives them a disapproving look.

Matt is the first to speak, “Yes, ma’am, it’s just the three of us today.”

“Sorry, ma’am,” said Nick and Chris in unison. Chris is noticeably more embarrassed than Nick is. He’s absolutely mortified to be seen acting like a child in front of such a beautiful woman.

“Thank you. Let me show you to your table.” She picks up three menus before walking them to their seats. Only when they’re all sitting and looking up at her does she realize that the three boys are triplets. “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

She points to Matt. “Root beer, thanks.”

She points to Nick. “Water, if you don’t mind.”

She points to Chris. “What’s the best virgin mixed drink you guys have?”

“I’m not sure, but you can never go wrong with a Shirley Temple. Do you want me to go ask the bartender?” She would love to tell Dorset about the sexy triplets that just stumbled in.

“Nope, we’re all good. I’ll take a Shirley Temple and a Pepsi.”

“Great. I’ll be back in a few with your drinks.”

Y/N practically runs to Dorset. Chris can’t help but watch her ass as she walks to the bar to order his drink. When she returns a few minutes later, she hands Chris his drinks last.

“Thank you for the Pepsi, but this…” he lifts the mixed drink and hands it to her. “is for you, miss…” he pauses to look at her name tag. “Y/N. It’s an apology for making a scene in your restaurant.” Nick and Matt are in shock over how forward he’s being. Chris has never really flirted in front of them before. It’s kind of weird, but they can see why he has so many girls in and out of his room.

“Well, thank you…”

“Chris.” he interrupts. “Please, call me Chris.” he gives Y/N a charming smile.

“Thank you very much, Chris. However, my shift is over, and Michelle will serve you for the rest of the night.”

“I’m sorry to see you go, miss Y/N, but I hope you have a good day.”

“Will do, Chris,” says Y/N before she walks away to sit across the room at the bar. She talks to Dorset about her date tonight while she waits for him. His name is Theo. He’s blonde with deep brown eyes, and from what Y/N can tell from sexting, he’s so fucking good at dirty talk. Unfortunately, he is 30 minutes late to meet her.

Chris has been relatively quiet for today’s video. He’s been distracted watching Y/N enjoy his drink and seeing her smile and laugh with her friend. She looks somewhat distressed now, and Chris can't help but think he’s found his opening. He makes the boys wrap up the video and leaves to get Y/N’s number.

He turns on his charm and sits on the stool next to her. “What’s got you so worried, miss Y/N.”

“Pretty sure I’m being stood up. I’m also pretty sure people under 21 can’t sit at the bar.”

“Who says I’m not 21? Maybe I’m here to buy you another drink.”

Y/N cocks her eyebrow as she calls her friend over. “Order me something then.”

Chris tries to think his way out of this. “Listen, you guys are friends, right? She’s just been stood up, and a handsome young man would like to buy your friend a drink. I’m sure if you just forget to card me this one time and let me buy her a Shirley Temple with vodka and extra cherries, it would make her night ten times better.”

“My hands are tied, Y/N. You’re my weakness.” she looks to Chris. “Dirty Shirley coming right up.”

“You’re fuckin’ smooth, aren’t you?” asks Y/N.

Much more confident than he was moments before Chris responds, “Yes, ma’am, I am. Now tell me all about the bad man who hurt you.”

“I’m not really hurt,” she replies, but Chris can tell she’s hiding something.

“No?” he questions.

Dorset comes with her drink, and Y/N takes a nervous sip. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Of course you can, Miss Y/N.”

“I’m not hurt. I was just really horny, and I got my nails done for this date, and not I can’t even touch myself at home because my nails are so sharp,” she says, completely embarrassed. She doesn’t make eye contact with him and focuses intensely on eating her maraschino cherries.

“I don’t mean to be too forward, but…” he leans in, whispering in Y/N’s ear, “ I think I can help you with that.” She doesn’t miss a beat. She takes his hand and drags him to the large family bathroom. Dorset claps and cheers them on openly as they make their way. Y/N makes a mental note to get her back somehow later.

She palms him through his pants, and Chris grabs her face, pulling her into a rough, hurried kiss. “Oh, fuck. You taste like cherries.” he hikes up her uniform skirt and rubs her over her panties.

“You have yourself to thank for that.”

He spins her around so he can watch her face in the mirror as he touches her. “You’re also soaked. Do I have myself to thank for that, too?” before she can say anything, Chris’s finger is spreading her lips apart and playing at her entrance.

She closes her legs in response. “Nope, not so fast. You gotta eat it first.”

Chris sinks to his knees. “Yes, ma’am.” he wastes no time. He spreads her thighs apart, slides her panties to her knees, and starts lapping at her clit from behind. He’s got to be quick because his brothers are waiting for him.

She bends over the sink, propping herself up on her forearms. “Oh, fuck!” she groans.

“Hush, Cherry. Don’t want to get fired for fucking on the job, do we?.” The vibrations from his laugh makes Y/N’s pussy shiver causing her to wiggle a little. Chris loves watching her ass jiggle. “Has anyone ever eaten your ass?” he parts her cheeks and gives her a playful spank. “You have such a cute little asshole. Do you mind if I try?”

“Yeah, you can try,” she says sheepishly, hiding her face from the mirror.

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget to give your clit some attention.”

“Oh, yes! Just like that!” Y/N cries out louder than she means to as his tongue explores her ass. He rubs her clit with the pad of his finger, and she lets out a breathy moan. Chris is hard as a fucking rock, and she’s making such pretty sounds. It’s torture not to touch himself, but he came here to help her out and needs to focus on making her cum.

“Yeah. Tell me how you like it.”

“Fingers, please,” she begs.

“Tell me how many you need, Cherry?”

“Two. Just two, please.” Y/N takes his fingers inside of her with ease. He searches for a moment to find that special spot of hers. “Right there!”

Chris is so happy with how open she’s been to him. The girls he’s been with recently have been so meek. She’s such a good girl telling him just where she needs him. He works his fingers into her faster, making sure to hit her G spot every time. Y/N starts pushing herself back on his fingers. Chris feels her pussy begin to tighten like a vice around him. “You’re such a good fucking girl. Cum for me, Cherry. Cum on my fingers.” her legs giveaway as her climax burns through her, and Chris has to hold her up as he tries to work her through it.

When her orgasm subsides and her vision comes back, Chris is on the floor holding her. She rests her head on his chest and says, “Thank you. That was fucking amazing.”

“Anytime, Cherry. I don’t expect any reciprocation today, but I feel I am owed your phone number.” He hands her his phone, and the new contact is already open.

“Of course, here’s my number, Chris.” she hands the phone back to him, gets back onto her feet, and pulls her panties up. She leaves without saying goodbye. Chris looks down at his phone and smiles at her contact name. “Y/N🍒 (Sexy Waitress)”

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iameliseposts · 5 months

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Deafening - Diavolo x Fallen Noble!MC

In which MC, a noble fallen from grace is engaged to the future Demon King. The slander they hear behind their back is loud, but the silence in their office from being too busy to see Diavolo is louder.

So… it’s been a while… 😭 I’m really sorry for not being more consistent. I’ve been really busy with school and been in a writing slump. I’ll be trying to post more once finals end, so I hope you enjoy!

Bags under their eyes, MC drags the pen across the paper. Their study was eerily quiet, as it was most of the time. MC didn’t know what was worse, their family accidentally blowing up the study or having to work endlessly in silence. Their lady in waiting claimed it was silence.

“Could you all resist the urge to blow up my private study every time I leave?” MC asked, wrinkles forming on their forehead, “Or at the very least, not have this occur every week?”

“Come now! Isn’t the silence working alone deafening?”

Such was true this time. The sound of their pen scratching the paper wasn’t enough for their head. Their study was filled with papers left and right. Documents lined their cupboards and dressers. Scattered around, there was an accessory left behind by the fifth born or a pen gifted by the eldest.

They missed the vibrant sound of laughter after they got electrocuted by a suspicious sticky note by their desk. They missed the gasps and hushed whispers (which turned into whisper shouts) after certain people dropped some documents.

They missed the prince’s arms around their shoulders at the end of the day, dragging them to bed. They were stuck in their room for the past couple days, focusing on the paperwork in front of them. A dispute of sorts between two powerful noble houses. One was a side-branch of Mephistopheles’ house and the other was a prominent figure in external Devildom affairs. Ugh, they’ve been at it for how long? Yet now, this problem has become a serious issue.

The noble in charge of external Devildom affairs has been withholding certain goods from the other house, causing throngs of issues. Conferences between both houses have been heated. Hell, even conferences not about either house or external issues in general have the two houses arguing. And who got the short end of the stick? The people who deal with the aftermath of a group of petty nobles.

Worst of all, no matter how much work MC does, how much effort they put in, it’s always ignored. They’re just the leftovers of the more important nobles or so they say. Neither house were all too happy with MC taking over their problem, which pissed off Diavolo more than he’d admit to any noble. In his words, ‘Why complain about a problem, then proceed to complain about a solution presented in your hands?’

What could MC do other than work harder? They needed their social position to improve, so whatever could they do? They didn’t even have a debutante ball like all nobles do during their first step into high society. They was invited to gatherings, only to listen to nobles ramble about Diavolo. It was tiring, but nothing could be done because of MC’s house circumstances. And it was something they never could have controlled and never can be fixed.

Another document done. Too many left to go. All the while the sounds of the castle being drowned out of the room with the soundproof door. They’ve been doing nothing but eating, working and sleeping for the past weeks. They barely have time to go to the House of Lamentation and it breaks their own heart.

Even Diavolo has been busy with the same problem. He’s been in his personal study, dealing with this, the exchange program and probably even more shit. And while MC does understand; they truly do, they wish the situation didn’t suck ass. The emptiness in the room was deafening on MC’s ears.

MC barely registered the sound of the door opening as they focused on their work. Calculate these numbers, write this down, feel a warm presence on your shoulder… wait what? The hand on their shoulder gripped tight enough to make MC’s shoulders relax, but not hurt them. They felt their will to keep working weaken and wither away as their fiance massages their stiff shoulders. If only their work wasn’t urgent.

Diavolo bends his head down into the crook of MC’s shoulder. “You should rest, my monarch.” He whispers into their ear. “You have been working for long hours for several days.”

“I can’t.” MC shakes their head, shrugging their shoulders away from Diavolo’s hands. “I need to fix this situation as soon as possible.”

Their head hurt, like a burning pit within the depths of their brain. It’s the stress, it’s usually stress. Back to back long work days take a toll on people, even on demons. It was an ache that doesn’t leave with sleep and stayed for a while. Ouch.

“Now, this work isn’t more important than your health…”

MC believes he’s still speaking. They thinks so at least. They can’t hear him, but they feels his mouth against their ear. They feel light. Their head feels light.

“...care…don’t…”

Hurts. Hurts too much. The headache hurts too much.

“M… MC!”

Lights dimmed then went black. MC felt their body fall forward, but some hands held them up.

…

The lights started to flicker in rays. Slowly the rays multiplied, leading way to MC’s surroundings. Their vision, at first blurry and gradually becoming clearer, depicts Diavolo looking horrified.

“Oh- thank goodness you’re awake MC! I’m.. so thankful…”

His last couple words came out hitched. He held MC’s upper body up beside him using his arm supporting the front of their shoulders. MC noted they was still on their chair, meaning they blacked out briefly. They leaned back.

“Careful now…” Diavolo gently reclined them, cupping the back of their head with his palm.

“Sorry, did I worry you?” MC asked, massaging their temples harshly. Their headache was a bit fainter, yet persistent. How irritating.

“Worry me- MC you just passed out! Surely you believe you need the rest now.” Diavolo firmly said. It was clearly a statement rather than an option.

“...no.”

“MC-”

“No, I need to finish this.”

Diavolo stands in between MC and their desk with his hands on their shoulders, looking into their eyes. “I understand you need to get it done. However, running yourself ragged like this-”

“Is a necessity.” MC cuts him off, trying to maneuver around him to reach their pen. However they was stopped by Diavolo taking their hands in his. It would have been a romantic gesture if tensions weren’t high. MC’s headache intensified, spinning and squeezing, clearly doing a number on them.

“Enough MC.” His voice was completely serious. To anyone who didn’t know him personally, it would have sounded menacing. “You shouldn’t work yourself to the bone.”

MC put their head down into their hands, trying to blunten the pain in their head. “But I need to.” They felt the stress getting into their head, seeping deep.

“You don’t need to-”

“YES I DO-” They had cut herself off with a sob. The pain, stress, work. It’s day in, day out torture that hurts. They took a breath, hiding their face with their hands away from Diavolo, “If I don’t, neither House will respect me nor my solution.” They tried taking more gasps of air, but it ended out as airy sobs. “Then I won’t be able to take a place by your side. My name is disgraced, but I won’t allow yours to be as well.”

Diavolo stood there, listening. He was silent, but heard them clearly. They needed to talk and he’s happy to listen. He kneeled in front of them, placing his hand on their knee. He squeezed their knee, comfortingly.

He only wished they’d brought this forward sooner.

“..What about this compromise? You go rest for now,” He held up a hand before they could interject, “and I’ll go over it myself at the end. This way, this will be your work, but pre-approved by me.”

MC pursed their lips. “...Wouldn’t that be more work for you?”

“If it’s your report, I know it’ll be interesting.” Diavolo laughed loudly.

At least the room wasn’t deafening anymore.

#obey me #om #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me shall we date #obey me diavolo #obey me diavolo x mc #obey me diavolo x reader #obey me diavolo x you #lord diavolo #diavolo x mc #diavolo x reader #diavolo x y/n #obey me diavolo x gn!reader #obey me diavolo x gn!mc #obey me angst #obey me hurt/comfort #elise’s request

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extrakatelyn · 3 days

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extrakatelyn’s personal growth may challenge (update) ᰔᩚ

˚ ༘· week 1 ˚ ₊˚ ˑ༄ؘ

- drinking more water

i’ve been doing really good in this area actually! i have been drinking at least one of my stanley cups of water a day (i have the 40oz). definetly going to the bathroom more but it doesn’t bother me especially bc its for the better of my health.

- start exercising more often

out of all the areas im ngl this the one i have been lacking in bc im trying to figure out what plan to go w regarding my gym thts closest to me but most likely going to end up signing up mid may.

- affirming & manifesting

i have been affirming & setting my manifestation intentions daily. saying out loud as often as i can as well as writing it down in my journal specifically for manifestation etc.

- trying out new baking recipes

made some cupcakes the other day! definitely want to perfect that and tweak it to make it perfect!

- becoming more disciplined

this was one of the main things i wanted to practice bc i knew it would have such a major impact in all areas of my life. i been doing really good in regards to this. getting up everyday and not going om my phone first thing and sticking to tht. journaling everyday and sticking to it. eating out less. basically everything tbh. super proud of my progress in this area

- build my savings more

been doing sooo good here too ! learning to not take out of my savings and if i really want something i need to wait and save for it. another place where discipline comes in

- start actually getting ready for the day

im ngl i have been lacking in this area a little but thats okay! i go to work about 3-4 times a week and im getting ready for tht so progress is progress.

- journaling

literally amaze. been journaling everyday consistently and i lovee. something about waking up, taking a big gulp of water, and opening your curtains to let the sun in while you journal. like it just puts me in a good and fresh mood. ready to start the day. aware of my goals for tht day and such. also lets my brain ease into waking up instead of going straight on my phone and waking it up w/ whatever nonsense social media has going on.

[feel completely free to join in with me in this challenge and even add some things of your own! its totally customizable. I will be checking in on here periodically to tell you guys my progress as well as the things I've done to help me get to my goals]

xoxo

𝑒𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓀𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃💋

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cosmicdream222 · 2 months

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congratulations on waking up in the void angel🥹 i know you said you didn’t do anything but would you do anything during the day? like listen to subs? if so which ones? i also want to enter the void so your advice would be greatly appreciated! thank you!

Hi thank you! I have been trying all the things the past few months, but I’ve done some things differently since last week that I think have helped.

First is observing my thoughts/keeping a mental diet 24/7 - not letting my overactive monkey mind react to circumstances and pull me back into a victim state. Legit refusing to let myself feel like a victim, when something negative occurs I talk myself out of it and affirm the heck out of the opposite.

Working on self concept in general. Listening to self concept subs & affs. Saturating with affs. I went in my notes app and made blocks of simple affs for different topics, then printed it out like so:

I leave them around everywhere and stick them inside of cabinets, on the fridge etc. I recite them (out loud or in my head) when I see them, and before bed I read the whole list out loud while tapping.

I have been listening to a ton of different subs over the past few months for every possible topic but I’ve been more discerning lately. Now I’ve mostly been listening to subs for self concept, physical & mental health, lucid dreaming, void, and shifting. I’ve made my own subs & aff tapes (posted some here but have like 20+ more 🤪) which I listen to depending on my mood.

IWIIGI is my fave because she knows loa, and her subs are all a consistent brown noise that I can listen to while sleeping or other things without distraction. I joined her Patreon so I’ve been listening to a ton of hers. Also really like Violet Daze, loa-based subs for self concept, manifesting, revision, and she has void & shifting ones too.

This is my personal playlist of favorite void subs I use regularly (there are a couple shifting related ones on there if it’s not your thing, but they’re clearly labeled). The first IWIIGI void one is from her Patreon so make sure to support her if you like her subs!

Good luck 💕

#manifesting #affirmations #void state affirmations #loa #subliminals

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letteredlettered · 1 month

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Hi!! Have you ever struggled with burnout, depression, or overwork? Currently in my first job post college and it’s been very intense as we are currently like 3 people doing the work of a team designed for 7 people (two roles they are working to fill and two people are out on leave -> one is out on vacation and the other on parental leave). Have spent many ours on overtime (around two days a week I usually sleep five or six hours and spend a few more hours working —> other days I work a bit less but still some overtime) for the last few months. It’s really hard to decompress and stop thinking about work as I work remotely. I need to get better at setting limits and advocating for myself but I think one issue I’ve been dealing with is getting caught in a cycle of having a lot so having not a lot of time to do an analysis of like what needs to change and this is my bandwidth. Also it’s hard to predict bandwidth sometimes because I’m still very new to this industry and department, so I’m still learning how much coordination is necessary to get something done. Another problem is that everyone is stretched to their limit and extremely busy, so I feel kind of bad rejecting projects. I think an issue is that I also have relatively low self-esteem and confidence but a deep desire to be “good” from like an academic perspective and a work perspective, and the main leader of my team is someone who I like a lot and appreciates what I do, so I keep trying to do more or at least meet expectations. I also receive assignments from different people (five people total, usually), so people generally don’t have visibility as to my bandwidth unless I speak up. One person in particular gave me a lot of assignments with a good deal of time pressure and was the person that I was working the closest with —> still trying to catch up to some of the more evergreen projects I had with him because the other projects I’ve had in the last two months have even way too intense to do anything else. I’m really grateful for this job and I like a lot of the people I work with, but I’m kind of struggling.

I mention all of this because I really respect the way you are able to commit to creative projects and create incredible works and really focus on making something. I’ve never really had an ability to stick to a creative project or hobby for an extended period of time —> frequently I disappoint myself in my lack of consistency or follow-through for a lot of my personal goals. I also really appreciate the way that you engage with certain themes in your work and value your perspective. So just kind of curious if you’ve been through this before or have any thoughts about this sort of thing

I've thought a lot about what to tell you here.

What anyone would recommend is that you set boundaries and take care of yourself. They'd say that your well-being is more important than your work. If they read your ask carefully they'd realize that maybe your performance in this job is connected to your well-being in your mind. If they're looking at the strings that control the system they're going to tell you capitalism has brainwashed us into thinking that we should sacrifice our health for the sake of production, and then they'll tell you you should do what you can to break out of the capitalist mentality. If they're not excited about seizing the means of production then their in-universe advice (in-the-capitalist-universe advice) is going to point out that you cannot produce more for the capitalist machine if you're burnt out (I'd call these people the neoliberals of tumblr but I'm not sure that exists; I haven't seen it).

But none of that is really addressing the problem here, because you already know all of that, or if you don't know it, knowing that isn't going to help you. You don't need to be told to set boundaries. You know you accept too many projects; you know that you haven't been clear with your colleagues about your bandwidth. You know you're trying too hard to please others and that part of the reason is you have a low self-esteem.

Something that people don't talk about enough is how bad it feels to set boundaries. When people advise others to "set boundaries" it's always as if it's never occurred to anyone else to stand up for themselves. The problem is that it usually has occurred to us, but it's hard to do and feels bad. Hearing "stand up for yourself!" repeatedly can sometimes help us feel like we did the right thing when we do manage to stand up for ourselves, but it can just as often make you feel even worse when you can't stand up for yourself. You're being overworked and you're not doing the thing that everyone tells you you should do.

And another thing that people do not talk about enough is that most workplaces do not like employees who set boundaries for themselves. They like people who say yes. You often won't get in trouble for setting reasonable limits for yourself, but you won't advance. The ones who work late and work on weekends and take on every project and say nothing about bandwidth are usually the ones who get promoted. I'm not saying this because it's right or okay. It's another flaw in the capitalist system. But it is very often true, and I've been a little frustrated that in all these glorious discussions about boundary-setting, this is not something that gets talked about more.

So what to do, when you know the answers, but it doesn't feel great, and might not get you where you want to go?

Spend time with your feelings. A lot of time with your feelings. Imagine ways to communicate your bandwidth. Imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Pick scenarios that feel more comfortable and less intimidating for you. Imagine saying no to a new project. Imagine how you would feel doing that. Pick a way of doing it that feels the most manageable.

Think about your colleagues, what you like about them and why. Imagine how they would feel if they knew that you were struggling. Imagine having an honest conversation with them about how hard this is for you. Would they listen open and compassionately? Would they try to make changes that could help you? Or would they say, "We're all going through it," and "there's nothing to be done?" Imagine saying to them, "I know we're all going through this, because of the staffing challenges we're facing," and "I know there's not much to be done about this, but this is how I'm feeling." Would they accept your vulnerability? Would it make you feel bad to be vulnerable in that way? Would it make you feel worse to be vulnerable in that way or to say nothing?

That's not a leading question. Saying nothing is okay. There have been many times where I am facing a problem and I realized that doing nothing was the thing that made me feel best. There were other times when I really didn't want to do something and I knew it would be incredibly hard, but I knew I would feel much better having done it.

Think about your self-esteem and confidence. Why don't you feel confident? When you imagine saying no, and it feels bad, what makes it feel so bad? Is it because other people don't say no? Are you measuring yourself against those other people? How can you stop doing that? Or is it because you feel like a good worker always says yes? Where did you get that idea? Was it an idea communicated to you by people who love you? By society? Are there people who haven't made you feel that your worth as a person was predicated on how much you were able to accomplish? When is the last time you spent time with them? What makes you feel good about yourself? When is the last time you did it? Are there things you can do outside of work to boost your confidence? What are they? Can you do them? Why not? If work is holding you back from doing them, is it worth it?

It's okay if work feels worth it. I'm not endorsing the capitalist machine when I say that it is okay to do something that is really difficult or unpleasant for a certain amount of time to get where you are going. But if that's what you're going to do, then develop a plan of escape. Ask yourself how long you're willing to put up with this. Ask yourself what the next step in your career or life journey is. Ask yourself what you will put up with to get there and what is unacceptable. Write it down if you have to, then try to abide by that, and if you are unable to bear your plan six months down the line, make a new one.

I am fortunate in that these kinds of questions come really naturally to me, and I think they must not come so naturally for a lot of other people. Definitely, there are blocks in my mind; I'm not always able to understand myself or my own feelings; I don't know what's best for myself or how to make myself do things I want. But this kind of thinking is not going to give you immediate answers. Instead, it's going to build the skill of getting to know yourself.

The ultimate question you should be asking is "What will make me happy?" It sounds like a simple question, but it is in fact the most difficult of all. It is the question we struggle with every day, and every book that was ever written, every song that was ever sung, every painting that was ever painted is about that, in the end. The answer to that question is the meaning of life. Most people never find it, but the search is worth it.

It's definitely worth it.

#work #jobs #capitalism #life

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financeprincess · 9 months

Note

It is so inspiring hearing about your weight loss :) i was wondering if you had any particular weight loss tips you’d like to share? I went through a period of weight loss myself, but have lately gained back a lot of what I’ve lost and I’d like to know if there’s anything that helped you get back on the wagon. Love your blog btw!

Don’t be too hard on yourself, its rough out here especially in the US. it’s easy to accidentally slip up and gain 15 pounds just by eating a lil extra every day.

Some things that helped me:

Intermittent fasting, only a 13 hour window though. The 16:8 was too much for me and with women it can screw with your hormones if you’re not careful.

Drinking lots of water. Like a ton. I put those hydration multiplier electrolyte packets in my water as well.

Get good quality sleep. I got some Brooklinen sheets and they are 100% worth it. Definitely improved my sleep quality. I also have a really nice down duvet and an Egyptian cotton cover for it. I also have a silk eye mask and a silk pillowcase from Slip that I love. Sleep is extremely important.

Get 10k steps a day or at least just walk as much as you can. I’m sedentary a lot for school/work/etc. so I absolutely have to get out and walk and get moving. Even if you just aim for a mile or two a day it’ll greatly help.

If you don’t want to lift weights that’s okay. It’s not for everyone. I used to be super into powerlifting and got pretty muscular but it doesn’t excite me like it used to. I do a mix now of walking, jogging, pilates, rollerblading, cycling, kickboxing, swimming, yoga, ice skating, and weightlifting. That way I’m never bored and the variety allows me to choose what I want to do.

Consistency is key. Doing 4 workouts a week at a light/medium intensity is better than doing 1-2 a week of super high intensity and burning yourself out. Every little bit helps.

I do a full body stretch every day. This is super important. Our bodies get so stiff during the day. If you don’t stretch this can lead to injuries when you try to do other things.

I love the sauna (and hot yoga too). If you can find and afford a gym that has a sauna, I would highly recommend. Sometimes I will just go and walk on the treadmill for 30-45 minutes and watch YouTube videos and then sit in the sauna. It’s the best.

Make sure you’re not deficient in anything. Take a complete multivitamin and get blood work done. I was severely deficient in vitamin D and it was making me depressed. Once I took a supplement, got more sun and got my levels up it really helped my overall health.

Cut out grains, sugar, junk food, fried foods, etc. and just eat real foods. Anything with a long ingredient list usually isn’t a good idea. It’ll take a minute to get used to it but once you start eating almost exclusively vegetables, fruits, proteins, and healthy fats you won’t miss it. I have such a big sweet tooth sometimes I’ll have to eat like five servings of berries with a few tablespoons of honey just to satisfy it, but that’s better than ice cream or candy any day.

Don’t deprive or starve yourself. I eat as healthy as I can manage 80-90% of the time. But every once and a while I will eat a huge plate of pasta, gelato, tiramisu, croissants, those types of foods that I love. It’s not helpful to punish yourself and you gotta live a little.

I got a smart scale in my bathroom, the one I got is from FitIndex. It has an app that connects to your phone and it syncs to other health apps. it shows you body fat, muscle mass, water weight, everything. Honestly super triggering at first because I felt called out lol but now I step on it once a week just to make sure I’m on the right track.

You do not need a gym membership to workout. YouTube is the best. I love Yoga with Adrienne, MadFit, Move with Nicole, Charlie Follows, Vicky Justiz, and there’s a bunch of others. Find what you like and try to stick with it as much as you can.

Rest is super important. Don’t run yourself ragged. If you’re sore don’t force yourself to workout.

MyFitnessPal is super helpful. If you have a history of disordered eating this might not be for you but it’s good to be conscious of what you’re eating. Figure out what you need to lose fat/maintain/gain muscle and then track to see where you’re at and adjust accordingly.

Eat more protein. Protein, healthy fats, and fiber keep you full. You will be starving if you eat only salads. Fruit smoothies with protein, protein oats, salmon, yogurt, eggs, etc.

Get cute workout gear. It makes it more fun for me to workout with my pink towels, my pink hydroflask, my lululemon yoga mat, I have a baby blue jumprope and pink dumbbells and pastel colored resistance bands for at home workouts. A lot of my workout clothes are from lululemon, alo yoga, free people, and aerie. I have some of those blender bottles in cute colors for preworkout, protein powder, super greens powder, electrolyte mixes, etc. Some of this stuff is pricy but I’d rather be investing in my health than paying medical bills down the road so it’s 100% worth it to me.

The only way to see permanent change is to make it a lifestyle. Unfortunately you can’t just go back to eating unhealthy foods once you hit a certain goal. Those models who say they live exclusively off of pizza and pasta and cheeseburgers are lying through their teeth. It’s perfectly healthy to have days off where you indulge or don’t exercise but most of the time you’ll have to find ways to eat healthy and exercise and prioritize your health.

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bagopucks · 11 months

Text

A group of Michigan Brothers and their tall friend

🤝

A group of Michigan Brothers and their tall friend

From one hyper fixation to the next. If you wanna know where I’ve been, it’s with my music.

If there’s one thing I’ve loved all my life, it’s been music. It has been so long since I’ve genuinely invested myself in a band I felt meaningful or enjoyable. Modern music is not my favorite thing. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I just don’t enjoy the vast majority. This however, I can get behind. Nothing beats modern rock that sounds like it was pulled from the 70’s. I’ve always been envious of older decades that had such beautiful music, and I can’t even express how wonderful and fulfilling life has felt with the one thing I’ve wished for since I was old enough to listen to and comprehend music. I can’t explain it in a way to make anybody understand, but this music, this fashion, this time feels almost.. like a reality in a way. Like it’s actually within my grasp. It’s something I’ve always loved but I never had the privilege of loving in the present time. Now I do, and the love I used to hold for music has returned at such an overwhelming pace that life feels so full again.

Nothing touches my soul deeper than a beautiful voice and meaningful lyrics. Something poetic and fun. I’ve been an artist since as long as I can remember. I feel incomplete if I don’t have good music to listen to, or a muse for drawing and physical art. Music is beautiful in an indescribable way.

Due to the transition period I’ve started, from high school to college, and a lot of change, my OCD and depression has been spiking on and off like a switch. I’ve been pretty busy these past few weeks, seeing as everybody at work simply decided to quit, so my hours are through the roof. I’d like to take a break to focus on my art and my future for a month or so. Possibly until the new season opens. I’m not saying a permanent goodbye, I promise I’ll be back. I just need some time for myself, and I’d love to explore my other interests some more while I have this past summer as a ‘kid’.

Always feel free to check in, submit thoughts, questions, just talk if you want to talk. I’ll still be on tumblr, just not writing. Though I’ve kept my accounts separate, with this break, I’d like to extend the opportunity for anybody to follow @teddydrawshockey (my first account) if they’d like. I’ll probably continue to post art there from time to time. Requests for art, drawings, anything of that nature is always welcome on that account as well.

I want to give a sincere thank you to all of those who have followed and remained consistent through the few months I have done this! It has been so much fun, and I can’t wait to return to writing soon. The support, interaction, and love for my work was what kept me going. This account was initially created so I could get some of my own ideas down on paper. Then interaction came in, and I decided to make something out of it. I thank all 800+ of you who have followed for the ride. And the ones who popped in every once and a while to check out my works and spam my account. I am eternally grateful, and I do hope you all stick around for my return.

I promise this is not the end, I’ll be back

-Ella

#ella’s thoughts #ella’s nonsense #ella’s updates #ella’s asks #ella’s inbox #small hiatus #i’ll be back #quinn hughes #jack hughes #luke hughes #trevor zegras #jake kiszka #josh kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner

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charmedreincarnation · 1 year

Note

I sent this to gorgeously pink a while ago but she didn't see my ask so I decided to send it here if that's okay!

This is my current void method and where i get stuck. I play theta waves or solar’s void sub and I’ll meditate till my mind is clear, then I’ll affirm my mind is awake, my body is asleep. Then what happens is, I zone out in a trance state, and when i realize i zoned out i regain consciousness (i think that's the way to describe it) then i'm in the hypogania state where all i see is colors rasing, i don't feel my body and my heart is beating fast. It makes me want to move and becomes a bit uncomfortable so I just affirm ‘im safe’ ‘im in the void’ then it goes black and i feel warm but i can hear my breathing so i know i'm not in the void. From here I’d affirm ‘I am’ for like 20-30 mins but not enter and it's just that same darkness, numbness yet I can hear myself breathe and I would affirm for my desires and I don't get them (bcos i wasn’t in the void). I’ve done this method the past couple of weeks and no success yet, (not every night though I've been taking breaks as it can be mentally draining!)

I don't think I'm doing anything wrong as I get to decide that, I know im close to entering. I've known about the void for a year n 2 months now so I thought to work on my sc and vs so I did your 3 day challenge (todays the 5th day) and no void yet but I'm determined to tap in tonight.

Any advice would be vv helpful!!

If it’s going well and you’re being consistent, I would tweak a small thing or two. Maybe instead of theta waves, use delta waves, or maybe try a different sub, something of that realm. Maybe try a different affirmations for one of them. It’s good to stick to one method and it’s gotten you far so feel free to experiment a little bit, see what works or better or doesn’t work as well 👍

#law of assumption #manifesation #void state #manifesting #reality shifting #law of attraction

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painfulrant · 5 days

Text

JJ Maybank x Reader

Angst, Angst

There was a dull buzz echoing in the silent air around me. It felt cool… Not too cold nor too hot. Just warm enough to keep me slightly cold. The fabric beneath me was a soothing cold against my tired body and I could hear faint voices coming from somewhere. I’m no longer on the dock. To open my eyes was a challenge but it was one I overcame with a small hiss from the sun rising. I sat forward, my limbs screaming with exhaustion and weakness. Why am I still here?

I stood, at least to the best of my ability, and sluggishly made my way to the door before quietly cracking it open so I could see down the hall. I’m in the Chateau. That makes sense but I don’t remember anything past Topper and Kelce stopping by. The voices were still faint but audible enough to know they were all arguing. I don’t want to be around anyone, I just want to go back to the doc to think in the silence. The only way out though is through the window or through the front with the loud people. My ‘friends’ who apparently don’t care enough to know I have been gone for three days.

Sarah was on her business trip, her and JB having finally figured things out. Me, on the other hand, still haven’t seen or spoken to my supposed boyfriend in a week. Or two. Shaking my head, I closed the door back and walked to the old dusty window. It’s been a while since I’ve been in my own room, as a result of sleeping on the doc. I carefully slid the window up and began the process of sticking limb from limb through the window until my foot touched the ground and I only had one leg left in. No one came to the door, I doubted they would. The air hit me with a calming presence bringing a smile to my face. First one in a while. The wind was playing with my hair and moving my clothes to better fit my body, it seemed. Breathing in air was like breathing in life and while the trees danced before me, I couldn’t help but let hope fill my chest. Maybe it’s time I just go on my own? At least until Sarah or Kiara come back… Pope and John B have all taken JJ’s side but what his side consists of just confused me.

Afterall, I only told him about a job opening and interview I was excited about. That’s when he flipped out and left. He didn’t explain a single thing to me but he has time to explain it to the boys. At the memory, I frowned and looked down at my form. I need to start eating again, this isn’t healthy and I have a few people who care for me. He has no reason to be mad at me. I didn’t even get the job so that's a double reason he shouldn’t be mad. But he was and he is.

“Where you goin?” Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Moving my head to look at the figure I was beginning to think was a phantom, I scowled. I don’t want to talk with him.

“None of your business.” The hiss of words came out harder than I had expected but I didn’t back down. I could see his blue eyes searching mine for something while he moved his tongue over his teeth. His nervous habit.

“Can we talk?” The volume of his voice fell a level and I knew he knew that I was upset. Is he dumb? Did he not get my phone calls or my text or any of my notes begging him to talk to me about what’s going on?

“You didn’t seem to want to when I cried myself to sleep. Or when I called with tears in my eyes, when I begged you through messages and notes and even your best friends.” I growled, shutting the window the rest of the way and moving to start walking to the dirt road. That’s right, the dirt road and not the dock. I’m done being here until Sarah and Kaira get back.

“Wait!” He grabbed my arm, my body stilling with all the anger in me.

“I just didn’t have time.” He sounded scared. Good, maybe he can feel what I’ve felt all week. That’s a pathetic excuse though.

“Doing what, JJ? Were you entertaining another person? Too busy drinking or riding around on the bike non stop for the past week? Oh, wait… Maybe you were too busy avoiding me like I’m a f*ck*ng plague.” My voice had slowly but surely risen with the more hurt I felt.

“Don’t give me that excuse. ‘I didn’t have time’, bullsh*t.” My voice was back to calm and I felt childish for mimicking him but it’s gone way too far.

“Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to.’” I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to even realize just how much truth laid in what I just said but it cracked my heart open more than it had been.

“Baby, just listen. I promise I’ll make it up to you. Just let me make sure you get stronger and healthier and I’ll tell you.” So this is what it’s about… He feels bad because I was in a depressive episode. Well I’m not now. Turning around, I kept walking and this time he let me. That didn’t stop him from screaming out, “you could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think!”

I know what I’m doing and I know what I’m thinking. I’m thinking that I’m done with all the lies and bull. I’m thinking I’m walking out of here and I’m going to become the best version of myself I’ve ever been. I’m thinking that as much as my heart screams at me to turn around… my brain and my soul knows it is the best decision. Goodbye, JJ Maybank. I’ll always love you but I can’t let you destroy me again.

“Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to.’” - Lao Tzu

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” - Unknown

#outer banks #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj obx #angst!#breakup #betrayal #you x JJ

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andtheyreonfire · 10 months

Text

wake up where the clouds far behind

Ao3

Word Count: 7,025

An: less than hour left for g/t july in my timezone :) i had a lotta fun with this, hope you enjoy!

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high

There’s a land I’ve heard of once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

Someday I wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Ryuji shouldn’t be the one to do this.

Really. It should be Mona, or maybe Ann, or even Akechi—as long as that asshole’s working with them, he might was well contribute. Him and Ren’ve always had a weird way of understanding each other. Ryuji’s head is too far up his ass for this to work. Ask anyone who knows him!

—But Ryuji’s here, because life is a bitch. And—they told him to just hand it to Ren directly but, fuck—

“Hey,” Ryuji says, jogging up the stairs. Every creak rings like a gunshot. “I got that magazine you wanted.”

Ren glances up from his homework to shoot him a confused look. If Mona was here, at least Ryuji’d have backup. Some insurance would be nice. But the cat’s with Ann and Futaba, no doubt poured over their supplies. Probably a bag of snacks, too. As it is, Ryuji’s entire plan consists of sticking his foot in his mouth and hoping he doesn’t choke on it.

“Magazine?” Ren rasps.

“Yeah.” Ryuji coughs, shuffles closer to Ren’s desk. It’s neat, organized; not a single scrap of paper is out of place. Completely free of any bits, pieces, or spare parts. Ryuji slides the issue of Sprint onto the desk, prays Ren won’t notice it’s from last week. “Remember? You wanted to see how that one arc of Death Beat ended. It’s pretty good, lemme tell you. Real kicker.”

He sounds like an NPC. This is the stupidest thing he’s ever done in his life. Ryuji coughs again. They ain’t even in flu season but—when’d it get so dusty in here? Ren gives him a sort of confused squint, before nodding and uttering a single, “Thanks.”

Ryuji waits for more, for Ren to the continue the conversation, for the perfect icebreaker to fall on his head, but nothing comes. For lack of a better plan, Ryuji claps his hand on Ren’s shoulder. His heart sinks at the flinch it earns him.

“Look, just—” Ryuji’s hands are cold, clammy, ready to grasp a weapon before anything else. “Just give it a look tonight, okay? If you have any thoughts, you can text me ‘em. I’m here for you.”

Ren shifts to look at him fully. His brow is furrowed. Something’s wrong, he’s realized, but—

He slumps down, nods, and turns back to his homework, muttering a quiet “okay” and a goodnight.

And—alright, Ryuji’s delivered his cargo. He can leave now. He should leave, now.

He hovers, examining Ren’s tired, languid posture, the uncaring haze over his eyes. He looks washed out, striking monochrome faded to dull grey. If Ryuji’d met him like this earlier, he never would’ve guessed that this boy was the leader of the Phantom Thieves.

“...G’night, bro,” Ryuji says, before turning on his heel and all but throwing himself down LeBlanc’s stairs.

He prays, prays, prays, to whatever god is up there, that Ren has the strength to at least read the ticket to his jailbreak.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

And way above the chimney tops

Is where you’ll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why, then oh why, can’t I?

Red stains Ryuji’s shoes, his gloves, the bodies of 9 thieves, sprinting down what he could only wish was Mementos’ labyrinths.

It sure as fuck could be mistaken for that. The dungeon is as blood-red as the bowels of Mementos. Only—where maroon veins pulsed juts signs and warnings. Where concrete and rot crunched beneath their feet lies soft velvet. Where doorways and treasure and shadows arose are now jail cells, spanning to the ceiling and impossible to count. They all know which cell they’re looking for, anyways.

Queen leads the charge. None of them are as well-rounded as Ren, but they’d agreed she’d take the lead if something happened. They also agreed to try their damndest to prevent that situation from arising—but, well, life’s a bitch.

They’re forgoing stealth. It wouldn’t matter, anyways, with the klaxon alarms blaring in their ears. Path of least resistance is the fastest, after all. The ache of Ryuji’s leg is doing nothing to distract from the stress budding in his stomach.

The shadows in here were a hell of a ride, the Thieves found. They could range anywhere from a level 2 Pixie to a Fafnir the most busted moves known to man. Apparently, they originated from someplace called the Compendium, but no one’s been as successful as Joker was in weaseling info from them. Now, Queen calls to take wide angles to avoid them.

Finally, they reach the end, too stressed to take stock at the nearest Saferoom like they usually do. A massive, blood-red door spans before them. Oracle fishes out the key they acquired.

“I can sense R…the Treasure beyond that door,” Mona says. “No going back. Are we ready?”

A hum of affirmation. Queen steps forward. “As we’ll ever be, I suppose. Let’s do this.”

They enter the gate.

The inside is smaller, barely large enough for all nine of them to fit. Ryuji’s too busy trying to squeeze into the cell to notice the 10th member before them. It’s only when Violet lets out a sharp gasp that he looks up.

Before them, curled tight on an iron prison bed, is Ren. Ryuji freezes when sharp, yellow eyes snap up to meet them.

“You came.” Even in the tiny room, Ren’s voice echos. Palace rulers’—and it hurts, it hurts, to think about him that way, but that’s exactly what he is—voices are usually overlaid, but Ren’s is singular. Powerful, with the way it reverberates in their ears, but singular.

“Of course we did, dummy,” Oracle says, as if her body isn’t tensed to run.

Ryuji looks back on the group. A variety of expressions stare back at him. Fox and Noir wear matching faces of determination. Violet looks conflicted. Disgust paints Crow’s face. Queen looks unsure, eager to fight than for the inevitable conversation they’re about to have. Mona just looks sad.

Panther’s expression matches Ryuji’s own: he feels like he’s gonna throw up.

“I didn’t think you would…” Ren continues, shifting his head to rest on his knee. The striped, worn material flashing like a warning in the red light. “It’s quiet in here, y’know. There’s never been anything of note beneath the mask.”

They wait for more, but Shadow-Ren only stares into the wall. Queen clears her throat. “Ren…how did this happen? Why do you view yourself as a prisoner?”

Shadow Ren shrugs. “Because I am. Of fate, of my masks, of Japan’s silly little justice system. I’ve always been trapped. I always will be.” He folds into himself. “Nothing’s ever going to change.”

After a beat, he stands up. He doesn’t attack, doesn’t do anything but stare into them. “Our influence as Phantom Thieves is limited to the present moment. We’re a passing memory, a hapless trend.” His movements are sluggish, strained, but surprisingly lifelike for a shadow. “We can fight and struggle for that ‘perfect society’ all we want, and we’ll never obtain it. We’re just a bunch of kids playing dress-up. Our ‘justice’ has always been meaningless.”

“Our lives are testament to the opposite, Ren.” Noir says. “You’re a testament to the opposite. We have made change.”

He pins Noir with a yellow-eyed glower. It’s the most passion Ryuji’s seen on him since he started his monologue. Just as quickly, he deflates. “You know more than anyone, Haru, that it’s the system itself that allowed our targets to come into power. It’s the system that will allow others to take their place. Whatever we do will just as quickly be overwritten. Call it society, call it human nature. It’s a shitty cycle that’s made us its prisoners. Maruki had a point—”

Ryuji takes one look at Crow’s expression and blanches. Violet puts a hand up, stepping between them. “I don’t think it’s wise to finish that sentence, senpai.”

Shadow Ren shakes his head. “I wasn’t saying he was right. He opened my eyes, that’s all. He overhauled reality completely, and it worked. He abolished Japan’s free will, sure, but he came farther than we could ever dream to.”

“So what is the meaning of this palace’s distortion?” Fox tilts his head. “The Ren I knew would’ve done everything in his power to prove your words wrong. Surely you haven’t lost your rebel spirit completely?”

“I—” Shadow Ren hesitates, a million emotions flickering across his face. Finally, he settles on a blank mask, eyes just as dead as Futaba’s shadow. “I’m so tired. It’s exhausting, to fight day in and day out for a future we’ll never be able to achieve. It’s easier to close your eyes and drown it all out. You—can’t burn yourself out if you never try, right? It’s better to just stand down, and accept our fate.”

For a moment, no one speaks. Ryuji’s blood boils, pops. He swings an arm wide, ignoring Panther’s shout as she ducks under it. “Bullshit! You tellin’ me we shoulda just kept our heads down and let Kamoshida ruin our lives? You tellin’ me we shoulda just let Shido run over us with his big fuckin’ ship? You’re spewin’ the same piss the shadows in Mementos were!”

And Ryuji should—stop, probably. Let someone who knows how to diffuse a situation talk Ren’s shadow down, but—it’s something about seeing the person who made him who he is, who reached out his hand and asked are you going to sit there and take this? do just that. Ryuji can’t tell if it’s the palace or his own anger that’s staining his vision red. “I never would’ve expected this from you, man!”

He should stop, but Ren’s shadow is silent, peering at him with an oddly interested gaze. So, he doesn’t. “We defeated Maruki ‘cause he was a delusional asshole who, if you took away the savior complex, was just as bad as the other assholes we defeated. That’s it! Just—don’t you remember how we started?”

Ryuji has Shadow Ren’s full attention. “We formed because we wanted to take back power from king asshole. Society was the last thing on our minds. Then Madarame happened and Kaneshiro and Medjed and—you’re right. We were just kids playing dress-up. But then we—then you shot a god in the face. Twice. We’re not that way anymore. We’ve changed!”

“What’s your point?” Ren’s shadow snaps, and Ryuji kind of wants to hug him but also really wants to strangle him until he gets a clue.

“We have power, dude. We did change society! Even if no one realizes it, that just means we have a fuckton more time to prove it. Fuck ‘em, fuck ‘em all for not realizing the truth. But the Metaverse still exists, which means our time ain’t over yet. We can change this shit. You should know that, you’re the strongest out of any of us.”

“I…” Ren’s shadow looks confused. “I have power?”

“You do. Don’t think I didn’t see you summon some crazy-ass shit. You probably coulda defeated some of the later palace rulers on your own, or used the metaverse to your advantage at any time—”

“Ryuji,” Mona warns. Ryuji ignores him. He’s close, he can feel it, if the faint crackle of the air is anything to go by.

“C’mon, man.” Ryuji reaches out a hand. The shadow—fuck, he can’t think of him that way. This is Ren, even if he’s balls-deep in a subconscious prison—only stares at it, considering. “You’re bigger than this.”

Ren raises his hand.

Ryuji beams, body aching to move and give him the bro-hug he deserves, but Ren’s hand lingers. It ghosts across his thumb, before pushing it down, slow but firm. He can feel the chill through his gloves.

Ren shakes his head, giving a smile. William flares in the back of Ryuji’s mind. “You’re right. I am more than this. There’s so much more to—this. I guess I didn’t see it before.”

He blinks, languid, and when he opens his eyes they’re a pure, blazing gold. “Thank you for showing me the truth, Skull.”

Ryuji’s smile drops. “Wait, why’d you c—”

The air crackles, forcing itself into the tight, strained space. The pressure builds, swells. Ryuji can ozone and bitter syrup on his tongue. Whatever—this is, it’s building near Ren, inside of him.

All at once, it stops.

Oracle’s voice crackles in his ear, “Guys! Back the FUCK up--!”

The pressure explodes, a boom echoing across the tiny, enclosed room. Ryuji splays an arm across his face as he stumbles back. He tries to open his eyes, but all he sees is a sea of red dust.

An arm wraps around his waist and jerks him back, the familiar lurch of a grappling hook scrambling his insides. He coughs. It isn’t until he’s a good distance away that he catches sight of the red leotard holding him—Panther, of course—and Ren’s cell fading into the background.

Ryuji sways as Panther stops to set them on a ledge. He groans, clutching his head. “What—”

“We’ve triggered his boss fight!” Futaba’s tinny voice sounds in his ear. “He’s still transforming!”

Blearily, Ryuji registers a few other forms joining them on the ledge. He barely manages to get his feet under him when the world shakes, shifts, and—

The wall in front of Ryuji explodes, parting like a curtain, to reveal a giant, blood-red glove.

It’s taller than him. Just barely, but it seems to be growing. It’s reaching towards them, bits of rubble sliding off as it inches closer, closer, closer—

“Gorokichi!” Fox screams, and a physical attack crashes into the massive palm. The hand stops, long enough for Ryuji’s instincts to kick in and launch a grappling hook. He looks back just in time to see some thieves trailing behind him, and to see the hand wrapping around the ledge they escaped. It crumples like Styrofoam in its grasp.

“Mona!” Panther’s voice is high-pitched, winded, crackling beside Ryuji and in his ear. Ryuji shoots out another hook, a symphony of tumbling stone behind him. “What the hell is doing on!?”

“I don’t know!” Mona’s voice responds over the earpiece. He’s just as panicked as Ryuji feels, meaning he probably saw whatever—that was, too. “Wild cards aren’t even supposed to have shadows! I can’t predict what it’ll do next!”

A piece of ceiling nearly caves Ryuji’s head in. He swerves around it, gritting his teeth. Queen’s voice crackles in his ear. “We need to regroup! Get to the roof of the other building!”

Ren’s palace was split into two halves. One comprised of wide, open spaces, decorated with sprawling, stained-glass windows. A massive panopticon, the outside reflecting whatever they projected. The other—the one that housed the treasure room—was a penitentiary: closed, winding, and damn-near impossible to navigate. They needed keys from both halves to open another door, which provided them with the key to Ren’s cell.

Right now, the open, multi-colored windows of the panopticon make the perfect beacon. Ryuji hits the floor with a roll. He eyes the still-drawn drawbridge they had to use to cross—the river between the halves was more sludge than water, and Futaba couldn’t find any alternate routes, which meant a buttload of fighting and a severe security increase—and readies his hook. He can already see some of the others on the roof.

—And can hear the palace crumbling behind him. Ryuji kicks his legs faster, aims, and as soon as his feet touch the drawbridge, he launches clean over the water and onto the roof. Panther, Fox, and Noir land beside him.

“God, Ryuji, what did you do?” Panther groans, sprawled out like a starfish.

“What the fuck! I was just talkin’ to him!” Ryuji flails his arms in the direction of the other building. “I didn’t mean for him to go apeshit!”

“Fighting will get us nowhere—” Queen grounds out, healing them both while helping Panther to her feet, “—Considering we are actively in the middle of combat. Oracle, what’s Ren—what’s the shadow doing?”

“It’s bad!” Oracle’s voice cracks with panic. “He’s gaining power by the second! He’s almost maxed out, but that doesn’t matter when the palace is about to—!”

A sudden, deafening boom shakes the earth.

Ryuji throws his arms in front of his face. Wind whips at him, rubble and smoke pooling into his lungs. He coughs, eyes watering, looks up to find—

A massive, blood-red glove, followed by a sleeve as dark as night, protrudes from the roof of the second building. A second glove reaches upwards, knocking over towers, clawing past prisons, reaching up, up, up, towards a sky as red as itself. Ryuji can only watch as the hands grasp around the biggest spire, brace themselves, and pull—

A titanic, familiar head of hair joins them. Ryuji’s stares into the giant, unmasked face of Joker, of their leader, of Ryuji’s confidant and closest, deepest friend.

Joker’s blazing, golden eyes lock onto their little group, each probably as big—no, bigger than Ryuji’s skull. Even after facing Adam Kadmon, after Yaldabaoth, Ryuji has never quite felt so small.

Joker grins, unnaturally wide and knife-sharp, and begins to walk through rubble, through stones and tower and brick, towards them.

Oh, right, they’re in the middle of a fight. Trying to steal the heart of their leader. Against a hostile shadow that’s taller than Wakaba Isshiki’s.

“Shit,” is all Ryuji has time to mutter, before a wall of the second building falls. Its shadow falls over them, and they’re forced to make a leap.

Ryuji flails, barely managing to activate his grappling hook in time as the wall crashes down behind him. Queen’s voice crackles in his ear, “Fight! We CANNOT lose here! Keep your guard up! Skull, Violet, Mona, follow my lead! The rest of you, scatter!”

Ryuji follows her behind one of the tower’s spires. They’re close, too close to Joker’s shadow, but, shit, any stealth would help in this situation. Ryuji tries to imagine hitting the shadow, or it hitting them, and blanches. Violet lands next to him in a heap. “Is there any weaknesses? Anything we can hit him with?”

“No weaknesses! Shit-ton of HP, SP, and resistances! Attack and defense off the charts! Do NOT get hit by him! I’ll see if I can find a way to debuff him—!”

The tower sheltering them lurches. Ryuji cranes his neck back, only able to watch as a giant, gloved hand steadily crushes the tower in its grip. Joker’s massive head peeks around, assessing them like one would a pile of ants. Ryuji’s probably, barely the size of his finger.

When Joker’s gaze lands on him, he pauses. Ryuji’s blood prickles under that massive, golden stare. His voice reverberates across the ruined palace, “I see it now, thank you.”

Ryuji’s mouth, as it often does, runs faster than his brain. “See what?”

“My true power.” Joker’s voice echos bigger, louder. He sweeps a hand across the air. “I’m capable of so much more! This world couldn’t contain me if it tried. I’ll be unstoppable, powerful, big.”

His gaze narrows, and Ryuji’s blood freezes. “Without anyone standing in my way.”

Joker reaches forward. The shadow of his hand envelops Ryuji, his blood-red fingers blotting out the sky. They curl, slightly, reaching towards him, ready to grab—

A swirl of black and red pushes Ryuji to the side, and he has the perfect view to see Sumire’s form disappear. Joker’s fingers close around her, stop, and squeeze.

Her unconscious body emerges a few seconds later, and Ryuji can’t catch the extent of her injuries before he’s yanked away, again, as Diego pulls him off the ledge. Mona screams, “Violet’s down!”

Ryuji’s fingers find his earpiece. He shudders, letting his body sink into the freefall. “Is—is there anything we can do to damage him?”

“I don’t know!” Oracle screams back. “I’m looking! Keep him distracted!”

“Crow!” Panther says. “Have you ever—”

“Do you think I’d still be alive if I’d ever encountered a shadow like this?” Crow’s voice crackles in his ear. Ryuji can hear his sneer—and a round of fire. “Fuck—!”

Ryuji finally shoots out a grapple. He flings himself up, catching the tail end of Crow emptying a volley into Joker’s face. Noir’s situated on a ledge, her rocket launcher smoking. Joker stares down at them like someone would a dirt on a duvet.

Ryuji lands on a ledge, next to Queen. Even behind her mask, the hopelessness on her face is clear as day. She doesn’t know what to do. None of them do. They need a leader.

They need Ren.

But, well, Ren is currently wading through a building like it’s ocean water. Ryuji watches as Fox attempts an ice attack, only for him to be slammed into a tower, Gorokichi disappearing as he crumples like a puppet with its strings cut.

Panther’s voice crackles in his ear. “Oracle—!”

“I got it! The first building!” Ryuji follows Queen’s line of sight, into the massive, open panopticon. The stained glass warps its insides into a kaleidoscope of light. “It’s large enough to hold him! If we destroy the internal structure—or he does—the rubble might stop him in his tracks!”

“Won’t we get crushed, too?” Panther asks.

“It’s the only way! Lead him in there and target the pillars! He’ll fit inside no problem!”

Queen gathers herself, voice hard in a way that’s so, so close to Joker’s. “Rodger that. Panther! Oracle! You’re with me on luring him inside that building! Noir, Skull, and Crow, head over to the building and use your strongest skills on the interior when I give the signal. Mona, I need you to wait outside until we’re done. You’re agile, but there’s no point in healing if he can one-shot us. Revive us only after he’s immobilized. Everyone clear?”

“Clear!” Ryuji stutters out, to a chorus of the same in his ear.

“Let’s go!” Queen screams, and drops down to fire a nuclear attack in Joker’s face, before darting away. The skill doesn’t make a scratch.

Skull does what he’s told, keeping one eye on the group behind them. For their credit, Joker seems to be taking the bait. He pounces like a cat, making precise, lightning-fast grabs at whatever thief darts in front of him. For their credit, they’re able to dodge him, just as effectively as he’s able to destroy a tower in a single swipe.

Even so, none of them are aerial fighters. Ryuji is painfully reminded of that fact when an attack hits too fast for Queen to dodge, burying her under a heap of rubble.

“Shit—” Skull hisses, lurching back for her—

Only to be dragged forward by Noir. The girl’s eyes are hard, stalwartly not looking back. “Remember the plan. Panther and Oracle are almost here.”

Ryuji grits his teeth, falling into swing with her and Crow. The light splintering off the stained glass of the panopticon nearly blinds him.

They duck into the entrance—the glass is bullet-proof, a fact they found out after they first failed to cross the moat—and perch themselves on the highest level. It’s the most stressful 50 seconds of Ryuji’s life. Finally, Joker approaches. He steps clean over the moat, lurches forward, and smashes through the stained glass. Oracle’s ship barely manages to escape his fingers.

Okay. Mission success. They made it. Ryuji wraps his fingers around his mask, prepares to pull—

Only to throw himself off the ledge as Joker’s hand nearly crushes him and Noir, having crossed over to their side of the room in less than 3 seconds. Because they’re in an enclosed space with an enemy who is 150 feet tall.

To their credit, Joker doesn’t have that much space to move. He doesn’t really need room, when he just smashed through bullet-proof glass like tissue paper. He crushes the balcony in his fist, Panther narrowly dodging both it and the ensuing explosion. A rictus grin stretches across his face. Ryuji shudders.

“Herewald!” Crow screams, which is as good of a signal to start firing. Their first attack goes off without a hitch: his, Crow’s, and Noir’s strongest physical attacks shaking the building to its core. It doesn’t fall, not yet.

Joker wheels on them, eyes alight, and lunges, forcing them to scatter. They find their masks, and attack again.

The cycle repeats, dodging Joker’s attacks while aiming for the building containing him, since if it hits him it doesn’t do anything. Oracle buffs them when she can, while Panther keeps up a rapid-fire stream of healing. They go in circles, having to stop and switch to more running when Joker starts to catch onto their plan.

But for every hit they give, they take two more. Rubble rains as the panopticon falls. Shadows run out to see what the commotion is and begin to fire at them, Joker’s stamina remains high as their own deteriorates. One by one, they begin to fall. A pillar lands on top of Noir, smashing through both her and through the massive windows. Oracle takes a critical hit from Joker—which, fuck, can she even be revived? Ryuji finds he doesn’t have time to worry when he’s tagged in the back by a stray Garudyne, and lands in a heap on the floor.

Joker didn’t notice, which is great, because he would probably be crushed under his boot if he did. His teammates probably think he’s dead, which sucks, because the edge of Ryuji’s vision is starting to blur. He groans, trying and failing to drag himself to his feet. They always need a minute to recover after getting knocked down, but—they’re so close, they just need—

Crow howls, destroying one of the pillars just as a shower of rubble buries him. Panther aims for one of the few remaining pillars—there’s two, only two, since Joker’s destroyed the walls already. They’re so close--and promptly disappears behind a closed fist.

And suddenly, it’s just them. Just Joker panting, letting Panther’s unconscious body fall from his hand. Just two targets, and Ryuji barely, barely has enough health to tag both of them. Just the ice-cold fear that permeates his entire body, just the pounding of his own heart.

Ryuji hauls himself to his feet, channels every bit of phantom thief in him, and moves to duck behind a pile of debris—Only to trip on a few scattered bricks. He lets out a strangled curse. The sound echos through the ruins of the panopticon. Ryuji curls into himself behind the pile, squeezing his eyes shut.

He opens his eyes. He’s not—eviscerated, which means Joker didn’t hear him. Which means he still has a chance. Ryuji breathes a sigh of relief—

Booming reverberates from Joker’s direction, rhythmic in a way that could only be footfalls. Ryuji clamps a hand over his mouth. The footsteps—if they can even be called that—draw closer, and Ryuji jumps to hide behind a fallen pillar, about 10 feet away.

He peeks around the corner, watching Joker grind his heel into Ryuji’s former cover. He starts to look around—and Ryuji follows the side of the pillar, crouches behind it, just as those steady earthquakes draw near. He waits another few seconds, before darting behind a pile of rubble, this one situated farther on.

The clatter of marble echos through the panopticon, and Ryuji watches only enough to see the tip of the fallen pillar be lifted up, up, up. He exhales, shaky, and takes the opportunity to dart closer to one of the remaining pillars, the one that is so, so close.

The other is across the room. He’ll definitely alert Joker when he destroys the one nearest to him. That’s fine. He’s fine. Everything is fine.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.” Joker’s voice booms, accompanied by a spray of stone, no doubt him crushing the solid, marble pillar in his grip.

Everything is not fine. God, Ryuji shouldn’t be the one to do this.

He isn’t equipped for stealth. He’s loud, obnoxious. He’s fucked them over with his big mouth more times than he could count—be it through Makoto, Akechi, or the countless enemies he’s alerted over their career.

He imagines Ren as he moves forward. Silent as a cat, even in heels. Able to duck around corners in the blink of an eye. He keeps his body low, like Ren does. Moves only when he knows the coast is clear. He steals glances when he can, channeling Ren’s calculated stealth.

“I know you’re here,” Joker sings, voice reverberating through Ryuji’s body, each syllable a pounding drum.

Ryuji shouldn’t be the one to do this.

He wields electricity, sure, but he doesn’t compare to the literal storm behind him. How could he? When Joker’s voice rumbles like thunder? When every footfall rings like a clap of lightning? When he leaves complete, utter destruction in his wake? Ryuji’s strong, sure, but Yusuke and Haru and even Akechi have always hit harder. They should be the ones to deal the finishing blow.

He doesn’t back down, because he imagines them, too. They wouldn’t let their fear get the best of them. They would keep pushing forward, no matter the danger, no matter their heartbeat pounding in their ears, no matter the hard, iron knowledge that they’re going to die—

“Where are you hiding, little mouse?” A crash. A rumble. A spray of stone. Ryuji barely manages to suppress a flinch.

Ryuji shouldn’t be the one to do this.

He failed Joker during the shadow talk. Fucked it up, because he handles situations with the grace of a bull in a china shop. He failed his teammates because he’s the last one standing, left watching his hiding spots explode with every step forward. He failed Ren, because he’s his bro and he didn’t notice something was wrong until it was far, far too late.

He’s so close.

“You’re testing my patience,” Joker growls, the sound going straight to Ryuji’s spine.

The pillar is 6 feet away, if that.

His footsteps boom closer, stopping just behind Ryuji’s hiding spot. “Do you actually think you can hide, little one?”

He grips his mask.

“The show’s only just begun,” Joker murmurs, close, far, far too close.

Ryuji shouldn’t be the one to do this, but he is.

He will not fail Ren again.

“William!” Ryuji bellows, and watches the first pillar explode in a cloud of dust. He doesn’t even have time to feel the recoil when a massive shadow envelops him. He throws his grappling hook out. The tip of Joker’s glove brushes his leg as it connects, latching onto one of the last remaining ledges.

He throws himself forward, Joker’s footsteps booming behind him. Sweat pools on his brow. The panopticon groans around him. A rumble, a sound like Joker snarling, fills the air.

Ryuji rips his mask off, screaming. He can feel the weight of Joker’s outstretched hand, not 3 feet behind him. He screams, “GOD’S HAND!”

The pillar explodes. The panopticon groans. The recoil from the attack flings Ryuji through the air, past Joker’s hand and body and towards the glorious, glorious hole Joker made on his way in. His vision wavers. Every movement is agony. Ryuji makes one last grapple to sail through the air and out the gap.

He turns around just in time to see Joker, lunging forward, golden eyes ablaze—

Before the place crashes on top of him, in an explosion of sound, dust, and pained, howling screams.

The fight leaves Ryuji like a gust of wind. He drops down onto one knee, body a tight, hot rod of pain. He hacks, dust twisting in his lungs. In front of him, Joker’s massive face peeks out of the rubble, twisted in agony. Pinned next to him is his hand, frozen in a grasp.

Ryuji grimaces. Yeah, he’s not moving anytime soon, but—fuck.

A shower of tiny, green lights wash over him. Ryuji’s pain fades to a dull ache. He whips around, almost colliding with Morgana. His bug-like face is set into something grim. “…Mission success. I’ll go look for the others.”

Ryuji hacks up another lung. He gestures, both to the destruction and the titanic, prone form before them. “Can ‘y even heal everyone?”

“It’s the Metaverse. I think I can, so I can.” Morgana shakes his head, grappling into the ruined building. Joker��s eyes follow him. He pauses, still close enough that Ryuji can hear him call back, “Just...keep an eye on him until then.”

“Ugn,” is all Ryuji can muster in response. Fuck, this place is a mess. There’s not like—long-term consequences for destroying the structure of someone’s psyche, right? Or, rather—he makes eye contact with Joker, unable to stifle a full body shudder. Are there long-term consequences for destroying your own psyche?

Joker doesn’t answer his thought-question, only continuing to stare. He’s heaving, each breath ruffling Ryuji’s hair like a gust of wind. His eyes are half-closed, his face is set in a grimace.

With nothing better to do, Ryuji sits cross-legged in front of the massive, trapped cognition of his friend, and waits.

Soon enough, Yusuke joins them—and the relief that crashes through Ryuji when he sees him is palpable enough to taste. “Shit, man, good to see you.”

“Likewise.” Yusuke frames his fingers around Joker, frowning. “I take it you’re the one who dealt the final blow?”

“Yeah. Fuck. Fuck, never again. Are the others…y’know.” He gestures. “Alive?”

“It won’t be long before they join us.” Yusuke adjusts his fingers, frowns deeper as he takes in Joker’s form. “Not to worry.“

After a beat, Yusuke hums. “…It’s pathetic, isn’t it? Trapped under the ruins of your own ambition, having only wanted to break the chains that bound you. For such a thing to be made manifest is humiliating.”

Joker doesn’t make a sound. He only looks away, the glare of his eyes dimming. Ryuji huffs. “Man, you don’t pull your punches, do you?”

Yusuke blinks at him. “Considering we are often locked in fatal combat with shadows, that would be ill-advised.”

“Not what I meant, dude.”

They sit in silence. It isn’t long before the rest of the thieves join them, trickling in every few seconds. First Akechi, then Sumire, then Makoto and Haru, then Ann, before Morgana and Futaba join their group. The center of attention is obvious, even if he seems to be avoiding eye contact like his life depends on it.

They’re checking over each others’ injuries, sparing glances at Joker every few seconds, when a quiet, monotone rumble fills the air. “I am pathetic, aren’t I?”

Joker’s gaze is fixed on the distance. Without the weight of his stare, Ryuji can almost, almost breathe. Joker continues, “All I wanted was to fly free, as you all did. You soared so high, you were able to break the chains that tied you down, yet I…can’t.”

The last bit of rubble sets around them. Haru clears her throat. She steps forward. “I almost didn’t. I was completely trapped under my father’s influence. I believed I would’ve served him for the rest of my life. It was you who showed me that there was more to life than what my father wanted, that I could grasp my freedom myself.”

“It was the same for me,” Sumire says. “I just wanted to escape, to be someone else. After what happened with my sister, there wasn’t any point in…being me. Than I met you, and the Thieves, and I felt like a person again. I became someone who my sister would’ve been proud of. Although…” She hesitates. “Throughout my journey, I only wanted to be someone like you. You’re so…”

When words fail her, Makoto steps in. Joker’s gaze swings over to her, and she hesitates for only a second. “Leading is so, so hard. I’m amazed at how you’re able to keep your cool. You’re one of the strongest people I know. During this infiltration, I was only copying what you would’ve done. You’re the glue that keeps us together, and you inspire us, in such a unique way. But…it’s for that reason that I apologize, for all of us, for not noticing anything was wrong before it was too late.”

Joker’s attention is lazer-focused on them. Futaba creeps forward, having ditched Al Azif after claiming it was too claustrophobic. “I know what it’s like to be trapped inside your own stupid brain. I—I thought I’d be stuck in the mental backrooms my entire life—”

“Bro—” Ryuji starts.

“Can it, Skull! This is how I cope.” Futaba fidgets with a strand of hair. “Just…I know what it’s like to be hopeless. And even after my heart change, I was still kinda…” She hurries when the group stares at her. “But—but the Thieves gave me something to live for! There was nothing more badass than changing lives, the way we did. Unlike with Medjed, I wasn’t alone. I had everyone, and I had you.”

After a beat, Ann steps closer, close enough that Joker could reach out and grab her if he wasn’t pinned. To his credit, he doesn’t move. There’s a ripple of panic nonetheless. Her voice is steel. “What do you think my life would’ve been without you? School would still be hell. I wouldn’t have found a purpose. Shiho would’ve never gotten justice. We’ve made change before, dummy, and we’ll do it again. Metaverse or no, I think we’re still capable of great things.”

“Indeed.” Yusuke adds. “The world is our oyster. There will always be a new adventure in the future, even if things seem hopeless. If you’re burnt out, there’s nothing wrong with taking a rest. We’ve made quite the change for one lifetime, correct? Though, I’d imagine you’d be amiss if things ended the way that they are.”

Everyone looks over to Akechi, who scoffs. He picks at the edge of his gauntlets, avoiding eye contact with the group. “You succeeded where I failed. You brought down my father. For that I am…eternally grateful. I’d rather not repeat what I’ve already told you in private, but I take it you remember our promise. And…” He hesitates, before speaking, every word stilted as if they were pulled out with pliers. “You have…something special here, with them. You’d—do best not to lose it.”

Morgana waddles up next to Ann. “There’s a reason the Gods chose humans as their champions, and why they chose you as the wild card. Humans may be tempted into despair, but you have such a strong will of power. I should know, I’m the embodiment of human hope, after all. You created me, because you decided to fight for me, for the world. Just know that…I’ll always be here to fight for you, too.”

Finally, Ryuji walks forward, stepping past Ann. Fuck, Joker’s massive. But—painted on those titanic features is pure, unadulterated vulnerability. Ryuji steels himself. “You, uh, didn’t let me finish earlier, man. You coulda gone apeshit at any time—but you never did! You were always there for us. You put your own shit aside for us, like, all the time. Like Makoto said, you’re the strongest person I know. You let us lean on you for—everything.”

Should he—punch him, or something? No, dumbass, you don’t hit a guy when he’s down. Ryuji rests his hand against his cheek, giving a grin when wide eyes—bigger than his head—lock onto him. “I want you to know you can lean on us, too. We’re here for ya, through—well, anything. Always will be.”

“Oh,” comes a familiar, quiet voice behind them.

The Thieves whip around. There, is Ren, clad in sweatpants and a plain, grey shirt. He’s normal-sized, eyes their natural, human color.

Makoto recovers first, face splitting into a soft smile. “You’ve been standing there this whole time, haven’t you?”

Ren nods, eyes wet. He walks forward, hands in his pockets, marveling at the scene before him. Ryuji backs up as he approaches Joker. The cognition only stares back at Ren, something like warmth in his gaze.

Ren ghosts a hand over Joker’s cheek, as if mapping the expanse of it. Joker’s eyes close, a faint light beginning to surround him. “I guess I lost sight of things.”

“We meant every word,” Futaba says. “We’re here for you, dummy.”

“...I know that now.” Ren’s voice is so, so quiet. None of them dare to overpower him. In the first noticeable change they’ve witnessed, Ren scrubs at his face, and admits, “I’m sorry, I’m not good with words.”

Ryuji walks forward and claps him on the shoulder. “Hey, I’m not either, and you still keep my sorry ass around.”

Yusuke clears his throat. “I believe what Ryuji meant to say is that we understand. No need to worry.”

“Just—” Ren’s voice breaks. He reaches out a hand, laying it flat on Joker’s forehead. The cognition’s eyes close, at peace. “Thank you. For everything.”

A million tiny lights swarm around them, and Joker’s form begins to fade. He breathes out, one giant, measured release of breath, before fusing into Ren’s body. The rubble sets in his wake.

Ren’s Thief outfit re-appears in a burst of flame, adorned with glittering, silver highlights. He turns back to the group, a teary, hesitant smile on his face.

The Thieves crowd around him, touching him whenever they can. Ryuji slings an arm around his shoulder, while Yusuke marvels over the new additions to his outfit. Makoto begins to corral them into the Monabus, and Ryuji leads them into the middle row, in the center of their friends. It’s almost like nothing’s changed.

And yet—Ren’s leaning his full body weight on Ryuji, answering questions honestly, without hesitance. His walls are down, and he lets the Thieves pass through them, taking their comfort and ears and love.

Phantom Thieves or no, they’ll stand by him, and Ren accepting that fact is all the peace Ryuji needs.

#g/t #p5 g/t #persona 5 g/t #giant/tiny #g/t writing #g/t fanfiction #g/t july #gtjuly #gtjuly2023 #day 31: free day #my writing #palace au

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