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365days365movies · 3 years

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May 10, 2021: Blade Runner 2049 (2017) (Recap: Part Two)

Said I’d talk about artificial humans in sci-fi, so...

There are a HELL of a lot of examples of artificial humans in science-fiction, as well as the ethical and philosophical concepts that their existence raises. Now, your definition of “artificial” may differ from medium to medium. At its base form, these are humans that are not born, but made. I’ll be talking fleshy organic humans, not robotic ones. The most common of these is, of course, clones.

A clone, strictly speaking, is a genetically identical copy of a pre-existing organism, in this case a human. While this isn’t technology we’ve applied to humans as of yet (due to the NUMEROUS ethical problems and questions), we have done so with animals, mostly sheep and cats. It’s actually a good way to de-extinct certain species, and we’ve already done experiments with that. Of course...that has its own concerns.

Keeping up the Jurassic Park reference streak! Anyway...

There are a FUCKTON of examples of clones in science-fiction, but since I’m a massive comic book nerd, I’ll use Superboy. The genetic combination of Superman and Lex Luthor, Conner Kent is one of the most prominent clone superheroes. He’s not the only clone of Superman, of course. He’s not even my favorite clone of Superman, to be honest...

Bizarro am the worst. ME WILL LIVE ON THAT HILL.

Oh, and let’s not forget THE most prominent artificial human in comic books PERIOD. I don’t care what her origin in the movies is, that’s never been my favorite version of Wonder Woman. Making her a demigod robs her of something important, in my opinion.

...Should I make a comic book blog? Shit, thinkin’ about it.

OK, before I do that, these are just my favorite examples. Fact is, there are FAR too many examples of artificial humans to go into, whether they’re built, grown, sculpted, conjured, or a chemical reaction with an extra ingredient in the concoction.

And look, I could go on all day about this, but we got a long-ass movie to get back to. SO, lets jump back in. Part One is here!

Recap (2/2)

Understandably exhausted, K returns home, confused and conflicted. However, he’s greeted with a surprise from Joi: a prostitute! Namely, this is Mariette (Mackenzie Davis), one of the girls who approached him earlier. Joi’s called her here in order to be “real” for K, the effect is impressive, if somewhat...off-putting. Still, while K obviously didn’t need this to be happy with their relationship, Joi might, and Mariette’s all on board.

And it doesn’t take K terrible long to get on board, either. As both Mariette and Joi strip, it makes me wonder...how much does this subscription service for Joi cost. There’s no goddamn way this is free, right? Like, how exclusive IS this AI? And they cut from that scene to a Joi commercial, where we hear that Joi becomes anything you want her to be, and does anything you want her to do. But something tells me that...well, that it’s not quite so simple.

Once the night is over, Joi tells Mariette to leave, and not nicely either. Mariette leaves, rebuking her on the way out as well. K, meanwhile, knows that the Blade Runners will soon be coming after him. He’ll be going on the run, and Joi wants to go with him. And so, they put her inside of a remote device, while deleting her information from the main apartment console. This gets the attention of Luv, who head over to the apartment to figure out what’s going on.

K goes to Doc Badger (Barkhad Adbi), who analyzes the horse for him. It’s discovered that old radiation can be found there, and that amount and kind of radiation can only be found in areas where a dirty bomb has been set off. This would be in the desolate and weird-ass ruins of Las Vegas. While nobody lives there at this point, K and Joi go to check it out.

An IMMENSELY frustrated Luv, unaware of K’s discovery about himself, goes to confront Joshi about K’s whereabouts. Luv berates her for being afraid of change, and tells her that she “can’t fend off the tide with a broom”. Which is a great line. However, as Joshi is no use to her at this point, Luv just straight up kills her. Which, I’m sure, will go over well with the whole “Replicants aren’t dangerous” thing.

Meanwhile, in Vegas...shit is WEIRD. First off all, the desolate wasteland is full of statues of giant sexy wimmin, and I mean GIANT statues. Beneath one of them is a series of beehives, which K goes into to get a hand of beeeees. After that, he goes into an abandoned hotel/casino, rigged with tripwires and booby traps. OK. What.

So, somebody’s using this place as a hideaway, despite the entire city being destroyed by a dirty bomb, and probably extremely radioactive. K searches around and finds it empty. He begins to play a piano, hoping to draw someone out. He ends up drawing out a dog, as well as the inhabitant of the hotel.

Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), baby! Quoting Stevenson’s Treasure Island and holding K up at gunpoint with dog at side is the original Blade Runner himself, Rick Fucking Deckard. God, I love this. Deckard hunts K down throughout the casino, where we see some trippy holograms, and the future of Vegas stageshows (probably).

The two fight, but eventually call a truce and decide to get a drink at the bar. K gets to it pretty quickly, and confronts Deckard on his potential child with Rachael. He confirms that Rachael was indeed pregnant by him, but he had never met his child. Which was the plan, to be fair. He wanted their child to be protected, not hunted down and eventually dissected.

Sometimes, to love someone...you gotta be a stranger.

To an old Frank Sinatra song, a forlorn K (now calling himself “Joe”) looks around, and sees carved wooden animals that resemble the horse that’s haunted his life and memories so much by this point. Which makes sense, considering the foil unicorn from the previous film. Neat little tie-in there.

But paradise is not all it’s cracked up to be, as someone soon comes to find both K and Deckard, despite the fact that K came alone. Although, now that I think about it, Joi may not be one that you can truly trust. Deckard and K try to escape their pursuers, but are caught pretty quickly. In the process, K is injured, but manages to get up in order to fight back. However, this is Luv with these people, and she beats K down EASILY. Turns out that Luv is actually an enforcer, rather than just a secretary. And when Joi awakens from K’s device to ask her to stop, well...she kills the device, and she kills K. In the process, she also takes Deckard away, leaving K behind. Fuck.

K wakes up, only to discover Mariette standing over him in the Las Vegas wasteland. She takes care of him as he wakes up, also stitching up with wounds from the explosion. She tells K to trust her, as well as her compatriots. One of them is the hooded woman from earlier, a Replicant named Freysa (Hiam Abbass). An old friend of Sapper’s she saw the delivery of the child, the “miracle”, and also hid the child away, as it was a symbol that the Replicants are more than just slave, that they are their own masters.

Freysa is building a revolution in order to free the Replicants once and for all. And I’m hard-pressed to disagree with their cause, not gonna lie. However, this comes at a price. In order to prevent Wallace from killing the cause, K must prevent Deckard from leading them to Freysa. They must do what they can until they can reveal the child to the world. For she will be their leader.

Fuck.

Understandably COMPLETELY crushed at this revelation, and more confused than ever, K collapses. Freysa tells him that they ALL wish they were the one, and they all believe. It’s at this point, that K realizes exactly who the Hybrid is: Dr. Ana Stelline. The horse from earlier, it turns out, did in fact belong to her, and she planted her childhood memory with the horse in K’s mind as a Replicant. Damn. DAMN! That’s why the memory moved her so: because it was hers.

Meanwhile, Deckard awakens to a separate nightmare: Jared Leto telling him how he feels about him. After all, Deckard helped to create the first Replicant-human hybrid. He asks him for his help in obtaining the child, so that the key of Replicant reproduction can be further unlocked. And he proceeds in convincing Deckard by playing audio of Rachael and his first meeting (from the first film, of course).

Niander fucks with him further, by suggesting Deckard was summoned all those years ago specifically to fall in love with Rachael in order to father a child with her. But despite all of this, Deckard refuses to give up any of his information. And so, Niander pulls out his ace-in-the-hole...and it’s a real shitty thing to do to a man in mourning.

Damn. Dude rebuilt Rachael, tries to tempt Deckard with her, FAILS, then lets Luv shoot her in the head. Fucking power move, and fuck Niander for playing it. Dude is a DICK. Meanwhile. that one visual from every single ad of this movie is happening, and I can FINALLY use one of the 8000 GIFs of it, goddamn.

Not gonna lie, it’s an iconic appearance, so I get why it’s so famous. Anyway, K considers a suicidal option, now that he knows the truth. However, before we get to see the final decision, we get to see Deckard being taken back to LA for interrogation by Wallace. However, to prevent him from potentially leading Wallace to the secret of Ana Stelline, K suddenly appears, opening fire on their ship.

The craft is downed, and K exits the car to engage in a firefight with Luv. He appears to win, but Luv isn’t killed once she’s shot. The two have a fistfight out in the rain, and Deckard waits for water to slowly kill the craft that he’s still inside of.

As expected, Luv handles herself well, and despite a number of close calls, she JUST. WILL. NOT. DIE. Damn, she’s resilient. However, despite K, Luv, and Deckard all nearly drowning in an INTENSE fight between the Replicants, an enraged and crazed Luv finally eventually drowns, ending her threat for good.

K saves Deckard from the sinking ship, and agrees to stage his death, allowing him to meet his daughter for the first time. Once at her facility, K returns Deckard’s horse to him, knowing that it was a gift from him. He tells Deckard that his best memories all come from her, implying that this makes him similar to Deckard’s son, which he picks up on when he asks if he’s OK.

Deckard goes to meet his daughter, and K hangs out on the stairs outside. He feels the snow fall on his hand, and he just...watches it all fall around him. He sits, and he watches it all. And meanwhile, Deckard meets his daughter for the first time.

...Can I just say...GODDAMN!

That movie was absolutely stellar, and it’s definitely landing in the high ‘90s for me, calling it now. I...wow. Seriously. Amazing.

See you in the Review!

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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Establishing an Ethical Dilemma: The Clone Wars’ “Downfall of a Droid” vs. RWBY’s “Gravity”

On today’s episode of Metas No One Asked For we’re going to talk about how The Clone Wars’ sixth episode “Downfall of a Droid” managed to do everything RWBY’s seventh season “Gravity” failed at.

(Apologies in advance for the very shitty picture quality.)

In each show we start off with an incredibly difficult situation: if Anakin and his troops leave then the Separatists will gain this area of space. If they stay and fight they’re likely all be killed. If Team RWBY leaves a good portion of a city will perish. If they stay and fight they (including that city) will most likely all be killed. Now, in comparing these episodes we need to acknowledge that RWBY is setting up immediate consequences whereas The Clone Wars is setting up long-term consequences. It feels like Team RWBY has less of an option to retreat because their immediate consequence is that a good portion of Mantle will die. It feels like Anakin has more of an option to retreat because the impact of letting the Separatists gain a foothold won’t be seen until later in the war. Those long-term, mostly invisible consequences simply don’t resonate with us in the same way that the deaths of large swaths of minor characters we’ve seen throughout the volume does. It feels worse for Team RWBY to retreat because we’ve seen the Mantle citizens on screen throughout the season. They feel more real to us than the nameless, faceless people who will die later on if the Separatists gain this advantage. But both situations require sacrifice in order to keep the war going and both situations require sacrifice in order to save the immediate people around you. Ironwood wants to save everyone in Atlas and the people he’s evacuated from Mantle. Obi-Wan wants to save Anakin, Ahsoka, and the who knows how many clones on these ships. Both situations ask the question, “Even if you’re personally willing to take a nonsensical, terrible, borderline impossible risk to save others, how can you doom those around you in the process? The people you’re speaking for - as civilians or as subordinates - do not get to make that choice for themselves. In the name of the unlikely possibility that you’ll save people in the future you’re taking the far more likely risk of killing others here and now.”

Despite taking up only six minutes of screen time (the real emphasis is on losing R2. This battle is just the setup for that) The Clone Wars manages to provide a more complex and balanced account of the ethics of this situation than RWBY managed in multiple episodes. It is made abundantly clear that, despite coming from a noble place, Anakin is in the wrong here. He’s trying to risk too much on the basis of nothing. He’s in the same position Team RWBY was in, just insisting loudly that they have to fight because it’s the right thing to do, and he’s called out for that by the story itself. Obi-Wan, Anakin’s Master and superior, tells him not to go through with this.

Ahsoka, his padawan, agrees. This is how you have a much younger, much less experienced character being better than their elders, by actually allowing them to act as the more mature party in a scene. If Ahsoka, who thus far has been characterized as equally reckless and desperate to push the war as far as she can as fast as she can, thinks this is a dumb move, you know it’s a very dumb move.

“Suicide is not the Jedi way.” We could also say that “Suicide is not the huntsmen way.” Doing the “right thing” means absolutely nothing in the face of your own death and the death of everyone following you. What have you achieved here? Satisfaction of some sort for being a Good Person? Congratulations, you can feel smug about that in the afterlife while ignoring the deaths/detriment to the war weighing on your conscious. Here Anakin’s superior and his subordinate call him out on this selfish behavior. He’s not a bad person for wanting to defend this sector but, as someone in a position of power, he does need to do better. He needs to make the harder choice here, prioritizing the lives he can realistically save over the Happy Ending he wants.

However, in the face of their criticism Anakin just digs in his heels and, to be frank, comes across as delusional at best, downright dangerous at worst. Again, despite this choice defending (some) others, he’s being selfish: “I can’t let them do that.” He’s prioritizing his own conscious over the logic of the situation and the lives of his men. And he’s appropriately called out for that too.

This is a flaw that Anakin needs to work on, not something heroic the audience is meant to praise. So far he’s in nearly an identical position to Team RWBY, insisting on a suicide mission despite everyone else around him laying out precisely why that’s a death wish and, therefore, a very bad move. Emotionally we understand why Anakin wants to fight, but the story reminds us that what we want is not necessarily what we (and everyone else) needs, even if it seems so at first glance. The generalized “defending this sector is a Good Thing” simply can’t hold up against the undeniable danger of choosing to fight. To him. To his men. To his padawan. To the war. Anakin’s noble desires mean nothing in the face of an impossible situation. He simply has no way to win.

The difference between this scene and RWBY’s - the key, crucial, AMAZING difference - is this line right here:

At the very end of the scene we establish that Anakin does have a plan. He’s not risking everyone’s lives on the illogical hope that they’ll win because they’re the good guys, he’s banking on an actual strategy he’s come up with. Now, in a show where this dilemma is more central to the story we’d want to hear precisely what this plan is and weigh it against the established dangers. However, as said this fight only takes up about 5 minutes of screen time in a 7 season show. This dilemma is only setup for the primary conflict of finding R2, so we’re able to skip the explanation and instead have the plan function as a fun reveal for the audience. How will Anakin get them out of this situation? We’ve already established that he can, now it’s just a matter of showing how. Unlike Team RWBY, Anakin is able to justify this choice to everyone around him. The people he’s asking to fight beside him and risk their lives. He’s able to prove that this battle isn’t as impossible as it seems.

Crucially though, even the audience isn’t investing blind trust in Anakin. Later on, his strategic nature is worked into the surrounding plot. We’re shown how good he is at coming up with plans, thus lending support to the audience’s belief that he’s truly come up with a way to beat Grievous here as well as providing in-world support for why others would trust him to this extent. Not only did Anakin provide a concrete, smart, doable plan to justify going on this “suicide mission,” he has a track record of using this sort of strategy successfully in almost every battle. In contrast, the last time Team RWBY implemented a plan was... volumes ago? They don’t use strategy to beat the Ace Ops. They don’t fight together at Haven. They kept hitting Tyrian head-on until they lost. The closest thing we’ve gotten to strategy lately is the Nuckelavee battle which amounted to “Hold him down so we can hit him as opposed to just hitting him.” There’s been very little lately to convince us that Team RWBY can get themselves out of tight situations via intellect like Anakin can. More significantly, Anakin didn’t just rely on his reputation as a smart guy. There was no, “Trust me because I’m just that good” which, again, is what Team RWBY demands of Ironwood: trust us despite our disloyalty and our lack of a plan. Trust us despite everything telling you you shouldn’t. Anakin has been faithful to his allies, proven his ability in the past, and - though it happens off screen - is able to lay out logical reasons for taking this risk. For all his playful arrogance, he knows he’s not going into that battle unless he can provide a persuasive reason as to why he’ll win.

Despite having a plan, despite successfully pulling it off, Anakin still makes mistakes and still needs a great deal of help from others throughout this episode. His impulsive move to go after Grievous means Rex has to rescue him and results in him losing R2, a MAJOR consequence for him. Later on, Anakin needs to be rescued by Ahsoka and Rex again. At no point does the story insist, “Anakin is capable of soloing everything because he’s one of the main characters.” Or worse, show us how much help he needs and then retconning it later (looking at you, “We don’t need adults” scene).

Anakin is not only shown to have flaws but exists in a story that continually calls him out on them, allowing him to grow. In his despair over losing R2 he starts threatening this ship captain. In a story like RWBY that behavior would be excused because the audience knows the captain is a bad guy. AKA, the sort of situation we got with Cordovin: it’s totally fine for Team RWBY to steal from her because she’s racist, attributing a connection between these two actions when, in reality, there is none. Here though, Ahsoka reminds Anakin that he can’t treat people this way simply because he’s upset/doesn’t like them. The captain acting like a slimy asshole does not justify threatening him with a lightsaber, in the same way that being a racist asshole doesn’t justify taking headshots at Cordovin and destroying her city’s primary means of defense. Here, The Clone Wars allows for even main characters to make mistakes and acknowledges those mistakes in a way that neither demonizes them nor acts like those mistakes don’t matter. Or tries to present them as heroic.

At the end of the episode we get to see precisely how much R2′s disappearance is still eating at Anakin,

but crucially he’s not risking his life, the life of his padawan, his subordinates, and the war efforts in order to search for him based on... nothing. Anakin has nothing here. Nothing to go on except his personal belief - “I know it” - that R2 survived and him hearing a droid beep on the ship. Which, as Ahsoka points out, sounded just like any other droid. Logically there’s no reason for anyone to believe that R2 survived and thus no basis for risking so much in order to find him. When Anakin is told to continue the war efforts, he does. He might not like it, but he follows orders. He recognizes that these orders are smart based on their current information. Up until there’s proof of R2′s survival, he can’t drop all his other responsibilities to go on an aimless search for him.

Why is Anakin heroic here? Because he has faith in R2 while likewise continuing his duties as a Jedi/war general. His conflict is that he wants to go looking for R2 yet knows that he can’t. He has a duty to those around him and he’s made promises he has to keep. A less responsible, less mature group - like Team RWBY - would ditch their superiors and follow that hunch of theirs, risking a great deal in the process, which the story would then reward them for by revealing that, of course, the character they assumed had to be alive actually was. But that doesn’t mean they were right to be reckless in the first place. Or that their faith was well-founded and not just denial. In the previous five episodes we have seen Anakin disobey orders, most notably in “Rising Malevolence” when he teaches Ahsoka how to do the things she believes in (like searching for survivors) without outright butting heads with her superiors. They find a middle ground. A compromise, searching for survivors in a pit-stop fashion and then agreeing to catch up with the rest of the fleet when they don’t find anything. It’s only Ahsoka suddenly sensing Plo Koon that changes their minds. Now, with evidence, they have a reason to continue their pursuit, disobeying orders in the process. Even then we end the episode with Anakin joking about how if he’s going to get in trouble for this, so is Ahsoka. Their easy-going banter implies that their superiors are level-headed people - they understand the emotional reasons why they searched for survivors in the first place and are no doubt persuaded by their reasons for staying - but they still disobeyed orders. That comes with consequences and everyone involved will shoulder those consequences together.

We get a similar situation regarding searching for R2 at all. Once again, Anakin’s personal feelings are at the forefront of his decision making. His emotional investment in R2 as an individual blinds him to the larger picture. Indeed, that investment is presented as both a flaw and a strength. Allowing R2 to keep his memory is a HUGE threat to the war effort and (again) Anakin is called out for risking so much. At the same time, Ahsoka establishes that this choice isn’t entirely selfish one - I personally want R2 to stay as he is because he’s my friend, no matter how many lives that risks - but a practical one as well. R2 having that information makes him a great asset, demonstrated beautifully when he’s chucking assassin droids out of airlocks (established as deadly a few minutes earlier) and R3, the newer model with faster computing, can’t even open a door. Admittedly, Goldie’s competence is complicated by him being a traitor. We don’t know how much was a mistake and how much deliberate sabotage. However, Ahsoka is still correct that R2 is far more competent than the average droid and that’s at least partly due to him developing via maintaining his memory. Ahsoka’s words invite Obi-Wan to weigh the pros and the cons here. Is R2′s assistance and his individuality worth more than the threat he poses if they lose him? Obi-Wan, who previously claimed he was “just” a replaceable droid, implies that it is because he doesn’t order Anakin to wipe his memory if he finds him. He may still order R2′s destruction later because, as established, they’re not on a rescue mission, but he is starting to see this droid as more than just a tool. The main take-away though is that the story skillfully creates a situation where, for a time, the same action feeds two different motivations. Obi-Wan wants to find R2 for the Republic’s safety. Anakin wants to find him because R2 is his friend. Here he’s allowed to follow orders while still doing what he feels is right and we get to see how happy that makes him.

Then when the situation changes and Anakin’s orders no longer align with his desires... he puts those desires aside. A least for a time. Because he’s a Jedi. He’s a general. He’s in the middle of a war that’s far bigger than himself. Obviously the story eventually rewards his faith/desires by returning R2 to him, but that’s not because Anakin immediately risked everything else in the process. He took no action until he had evidence that R2 was nearby, very conveniently held in the same place he was ordered to find. The end of “Duel of the Droids” is very explicit about both sides of this debate: Anakin did risk the lives of everyone under his command (indeed, two Clones died) and Ahsoka agrees that he was reckless in disobeying orders, even if it was done under the expectation that they’d finally found R2. Anakin pushes back that R2 is more than just a droid, he’s a friend, and he had faith that Ahsoka would carry the mission without him. We as the viewer can push back further with Ahsoka taking on Grievous alone and nearly dying: she never would have been put in that position if Anakin hadn’t left the mission to find R2. And on and on. They’re both right in regards to some aspects and wrong in regards to others, and still other parts have no “right” answer, providing a complex look at this highly debatable situation and allowing the viewer to draw their own conclusions. For all his (uh, rather massive lol) mistakes to come, here and now Anakin is a great protagonist, someone who is heroic while also allowed to be flawed. To me that’s far more compelling than giving us “heroes” who continually harm others in the name of “what’s right” and only get by via the grace of the plot.

TL;DR: I’ve only watched six episodes of this series and already, from a writing perspective, RWBY could only hope to be half of what The Clone Wars is

#RWBY #rwde #the clone wars #TCW #Star Wars #mymetas

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britesparc · 3 years

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Weekend Top Ten #472

Top Ten Suggestions for Future Star Wars Games

Concluding an accidental trilogy of Top Ten lists that feature the word “Star”, here we journey back to a galaxy far, far away. This is also one of those lists that’s been bubbling under for quite a while, since the announcement (feels like ages ago now) that Disney have shopped the Star Wars licence around to a number of developers, and we’ll get future games from companies other than EA. But really it goes back even further, because for me Star Wars and gaming are inexorably linked. I associate my teenage PC gaming phase very closely with Star Wars, because it occurred in the mid-nineties, when Star Wars games were truly ascendent. In a run that I would argue stretched from the release of X-Wing in 1993, right through to Knights of the Old Republic in 2003, it felt like just about every genre was getting a nod from the House of Skywalker, and generally speaking the games were excellent. This time also saw the resurgence of Star Wars as a multimedia powerhouse, with the films getting reissued on video (and in Widescreen!) before the 1997 release of the Special Editions, the subsequent DVD releases, and then in 1999, the beginnings of the Prequel Trilogy with The Phantom Menace. You could argue that that’s when the wheels fell off, because even with the “Han Shot First” controversy and mixed reaction to some of the new effects shots, the late-nineties releases had been warmly received, Star Wars felt cool and exciting all the time, and anticipation was building to fever pitch at the thought of new movies. Amidst the Jar Jar hatred there was, I think, a bit more antipathy towards stories set in the Clone Wars, and although there were still some very good games being released (the first LEGO Star Wars came out in 2005!), the spark of the Golden Age was mostly absent.

Could we be entering a new Golden Age, or at least a Silver Age? Maybe; hopefully! I really, really enjoyed Jedi: Fallen Order and Squadrons, even though neither are perfect and both have plenty of rough edges. Now that the Skywalker Saga is out of the way and the franchise as a whole is spreading out into new areas (check out the number of Disney+ shows on the way), perhaps we’ll see all different facets of the galaxy explored in games too. And that’s what this list is: ten possible games, set in the Star Wars universe, that I think would be cool.

For the most part I’m not trying to invent a whole game; rather, it’s “Star Wars in this genre” or “Star Wars with this hook”. There’s probably an exception or two here and there, but you’ll get the drift. Some of these have been in my mental wishlist for years, from right back to when I first played X-Wing on my mate’s Mac, or when I installed a friend’s copy of Dark Forces from floppy disk (we, er, did that in those days). One of the best things about Star Wars is that it contains multitudes; George Lucas really did create a whole galaxy full of weird side characters, intriguing backstory, and funky-looking locations (aided and abetted, of course, by a bevy of talented collaborators). What corner of the universe couldn’t support a game of some kind?

So here’s to the future, to the newly-rechristened Lucasfilm Games, and to ten titles that could all benefit from beginning with those classic blue words on a black background.

Jedi Padawan RPG: I’ve wanted a game like this for about twenty years: a third-person action-RPG where you play a Padawan. You create your character and build your lightsaber, and then follow your master on missions around the Republic, learning the ways of the Force and developing your character. In a way, Fallen Order has adopted some of these ideas; the fact you only use a lightsaber and Force powers, for instance. But in my mind this is more similar to something like the first Fable, or maybe Mass Effect, where you’d have a hub to return to (the Jedi Temple) and then go off on missions that you could choose. All the while there’d be a plot bubbling up, and an arc to follow, and all sorts of quasi-open-world Jedi shenanigans. It’d be cool if they could make lightsabers feel like the really dangerous one-hit-kill weapons they are in the films, or if you could use them to, y’know, open doors and stuff. Maybe this could be set in the “High Republic” era we’re starting to explore.

Deus Ex-style first-person RPG: I suppose this one could be reductively called “Cyberpunk on Coruscant”, but the idea is you’d play someone – not a Jedi, in my mind – going on quests or solving some kind of mystery, shooting people in first person whilst also upgrading your body and abilities in typical RPG style. I wouldn’t want it to be too dark; I don’t like it when people try to make Star Wars “edgy”. But that Mandalorian or Rogue One tone of seriousness interspersed with Star Wars’ typical melodrama and weirdness would be good. I see your character as a small-time crook or maybe a minor mercenary who by circumstance is forced to take missions for either the Rebels or the Empire (or maybe First Order and Resistance); perhaps mirroring Poe Dameron’s journey from spice smuggler to X-Wing superstar. It’d be cool if there was Fallout-style hit-modelling on characters, and if your arm or whatever got damaged, you could have it replaced with a robot one.

Star Wars meets Elite: I even have a title for this one: “Scoundrel”. Basically, like I say, it’s Elite but in the Star Wars universe; you have a ship, you fly from planet to planet, you trade goods or offer passage, you spend your money on upgrading your ship or buying a new one. You’re Han Solo, basically; hence “Scoundrel”. In my mind it’s set at the dawn of the Rebellion, so you can choose where your allegiances – and your ethics – lie. Take on official Imperial assignments? Help their war effort? Stay neutral but legal? Stay out of the politics, but, y’know, smuggle a little bit? Run a bit of spice? Or do you go all-in and work for the Rebellion – even take part in military action? Maybe it could even run all the way up to Return of the Jedi and give you the chance to fight in the Battle of Endor! C’mon, this one has “hit” written all over it.

Clone Troopers turn-based “Tactics” game: by “Tactics” I mean like X-COM or, well, Gears Tactics; turn-based team combat games. I think of all the groups of military characters most suited to this style, it would be the Clone Troopers; they’re a well-organised military force that functions as part of a team. We know there are loads of types of Troopers, with different uniforms for different jobs, so there’s lots of room for customising your team, as well as experimenting with different classes. Plus if they die there’s more to come, they’re just in vats! Get Temuera Morrison to voice them all for added authenticity.

A point-and-click adventure: this was the first ever idea I had for a Star Wars game, because at the time I was really, really into adventures. This could be anything; I’m not too fussed on the plot. Some kind of mystery obviously lends itself to the format. Whether you play as the same character all the way through or switch protagonists (a common genre trope), I don’t mind. But I want it to be a fairly straightforward, old-fashioned point-and-click game, with no action or QTEs. Make it look like Thimbleweed Park, make it look like Clone Wars or Rebels, make it look as real as possible, it’s all fine; just give me a slow-burn narrative adventure story in the Star Wars universe please.

Lemmings, but with porgs: yeah, there’s nothing more to add to this. Maybe you play one of the Space Nuns, or even Chewbacca, and you have to help out all these crazy porgs? They’re just wandering around, getting into mischief, chewing on the Falcon or playing with a lightsaber, and they’ll kill themselves if you don’t help. That’s it. That’s the game. Lemmings, but with porgs.

Rebel base construction/management game: my template here would be stuff like Evil Genius or Two Point Hospital: real-time games where you build different rooms or services in a given play space. So, the Rebels are constantly darting all over the galaxy, setting up shop temporarily and then evacuating when the Empire comes a-calling; here, you have to kit out the different bases, often to service different aims (a recon base, an aerial support base, a training centre, etc), and in different planetary conditions (think Hoth, Yavin, or Crait). Obviously there are essentials: communication, power, accommodation. Then you can build starship docks, weapons arrays, bacta tanks, astromech services, even Jedi training rooms. Instead of attracting “customers” the idea is to be recruiting new Rebels, so the bigger and better your base, the more troops you have. Maybe there can even be some kind of meta-game where the progress of the war is smoother if your bases are better? But there’d be virtually no combat, apart from maybe shooting probe droids or scaring away wampas. Anyway, I think it sounds cool.

Rebel Commandos cover-shooter: I guess this could also be a Clone Trooper game, but we’ve already had a Clone FPS, and I just invented Clone Tactics up the page a bit, so let’s spread the love. It’s basically Gears of War but with the Rebel Alliance. Think about the Battle of Endor or the Battle of Scarif; teams of well-trained and battle-hardened troopers up against superior odds but still kickin’ ass. Unlike the rent-a-clone nature of the Tactics game, this would be more story-driven, with a small team (four, maybe, as it’s a good number for co-op) who have to infiltrate and/or assault heavily-fortified enemy positions. I think this could be good with a nice narrative behind it, fleshing out the Star Wars universe, and maybe offering a bit of those Rogue One-style shades of grey.

Fallout Shelter-style Jawa Sandcrawler management game: utini! Jawas are great aren’t they? Whether it’s electrocuting Artoo, cheering at podracers, or just eating the shit out of a great big egg, everyone loves a good Jawa. How can you make a game about Jawas? Well, what about if you’re this tribe or group or whatever of Jawas, and you’ve got your own knackered sandcrawler. And as part of the game you have to develop it, tart it up a bit, recruit new bands of Jawas, and then, y’know, rob droids and flog ‘em. Like Fallout Shelter, you have to build and maintain different rooms in the sandcrawler to grow your people and earn more cash from droids, but you’re constrained a little by size. The sandcrawler can’t be expanded too much, and although you could upgrade to bigger ones, you have to make strategic decisions about where to allocate precious space. I see this as being quite low-fi and stylised (bring back Yoda Stories!), and working as a kind of chilled-out time-wasting game on Switch or something.

Homeworld, but in the Clone Wars: and we’re back to the Clone Wars again! But here, we kind of have to, as it’s the only war in the Star Wars wars that features two huge and evenly-matched armadas (Rebels vs Empire and Resistance vs First Order are both very much “scrappy underdogs up against vast organised militaries”). Playing as the Republic or the Separatists, you have to maintain huge fleets of capital ships, support craft, fighters and bombers, and go on missions to attack, defend, or escort. It’s probably the best way to recreate the feeling of that absolutely vast battles we see in the opening minutes of Revenge of the Sith. Maybe an add-on could even give us ground battles too, recreating scenes such as the Battle of Geonosis. Anyway, sounds cool don’t you think?

Incidentally – and speaking of the Star Wars of it all – this is the first week that we’re not watching a War for our family movie night. We’ve done ‘em all! All the episodes of the Skywalker Saga, the two live-action spin-off movies, and even (well, me an’ the eldest) the animated Clone Wars movie. I might do another Top Ten ranking them, based on the kids’ opinions; that’d be interesting. Although – of course – we’ve only got a couple of weeks to wait until the two Ewok movies hit Disney+. What a time to be alive!

Now, the Ewoks – there’s a good idea for a game there…

#top ten #star wars #games #gaming #lucasarts #lucasfilm games #jedi knight #fallen order #squadrons

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funkymbtifiction · 4 years

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Please help me with this Fe/Fi mess

I’ve read many times that Fe types (regardless of stack) need to talk their feelings through with someone else that they feel better after it. And that Fi types either don’t enjoy or actually can’t talk about their feelings. I’ve had many Fi users in my life and I definitely agree with how they deal with feelings. It doesn’t seem to matter whether they’re FPs or TJs. But with Fe users it’s very different.

The FJs I ever come across are very expressive and don’t run away from a talk about feelings even if they don’t initiate it. But not the TPs. I haven’t met many, but I noticed some things: ExTPs are expressive like FJs in the moment, tough they seem to hate “sappy” things. But I don’t know whether it’s because most of the IxTPs I know are 9s, but they don’t fit the bill. In all the time I’ve knew them they’ve never shared much in that area. As friends we all know what they think, what they like/dislike, not really what they feel. It seems to take something major to bring anything a bit deeper or vulnerable to the surface.

This would be just an interesting observation if it didn’t confuse me so much when I apply it to myself. Though I keep on second guessing my type it and changing my mind, I have mostly been sure I’m IxTP. I landed on it through simple math: 1) Dealing with feelings has been a clear weakness through my life, and a source of envy 2) I relate a lot to Ti’s tendency to nitpick, correct, dig deep, categorize, criticise and at times overcomplicate compared to Te’s A to B straight and utilitarian thought pattern. I love to explore and speculate on information, I don’t need to use it to achieve anything other than enlightenment. I don’t need a point to think about something, thinking is the point.

But whenever I read material on the feeling functions I can almost always relate a lot to Fi, and much less or nothings at all to Fe. When I’m not myself my internal feelings and behaviors match better with Fi than low Fe. The harsh decision making and cutting people out of my life, the self pity and martyr-hood thoughts, my natural vindictive “an-eye-for-an eye” streak wanting to teach people lessons. I also never met an IxTP that has expressed having an internal emotional life similar to mine. It could be just my wrong impression from the outside, but even through talking and asking they all seem so chill, I wish.

Another thing: ethics and morals. Again Te/Fi and Ti/Fe people are supposedly very different, but I can never relate to or understand Fe’s relative ethics and learned morals. If anything I’ve been accused of being rigid ,and a lot of my decisions in keeping or ending relations (even with family) are based on clashing values and people saying/doing something I deem unforgivable.

I gave up on trying to nail my Enneagram core since it kept me on this hamster wheel not knowing whether I might be mistaking motivation for cognition. I considered that what I thought was Ti could be due to Enneagarm. But after I got some recommended books and read on that type and asked people close to me it became clear that’s not even my fix on that center.

I think that once I’m sure of my type in one system the other one will be clear to see. It’ll close possibilities due to cross system compatibility. Clearly I’m missing something because things are not fitting right. I know people of the same type aren’t clones so differences will exist, but I also agree that one must assume they’re the rule and not the exception, so why can’t I fit in?

Inferior Fe is generally... immature, lacks nuance, and judgmental. OR it totally ignores moral arguments and/or behaviors, has no sense of self, and isn’t sure how to handle other people or their feelings and finds it hard to articulate itself or express its own needs or ask for the right to discuss whatever is troubling them. These are things it learns as the person matures. What you say here:

The harsh decision making and cutting people out of my life, the self pity and martyr-hood thoughts, my natural vindictive “an-eye-for-an eye” streak wanting to teach people lessons. [...] If anything I’ve been accused of being rigid ,and a lot of my decisions in keeping or ending relations (even with family) are based on clashing values and people saying/doing something I deem unforgivable.

... could just as easily apply to inferior Fe as a Fi user.

To me, you have an ITP ‘vibe’ to the way you’re communicating with me. What do you mean by ‘harsh decision making’ -- that you are making decisions like a thinking dominant, based on broad and non-nuanced ethical judgments about people and deeming them immoral and then abandoning them? That sounds like low Fe to me, which has no great capacity for wiggle room. An INTP I know is excessively logical, yet gives NOBODY second chances -- they violate his moral standards, they are gone. But he is still hyper-analytical and detached. He wants people to get paid back for their sins, but does not actively do it. He is also rigid and judgmental at times and has not spoken to a particular person he refuses to associate with... for over ten years. So, if -that is your only hangup, and you totally relate to Ti-dom posts, rethink how Fi works and consider that your ‘rigidity’ in these judgments is much more like immature Fe than FPs, who tend to assume that everyone is who they are and has a right to be that way and have a tendency to used nuanced, feeler-based reasoning. It is the TP who must learn to deal with others on a moral level in a nuanced way, not the FP. ;)

I can’t speak to your enneagram with enormous confidence, since this is not much to go on, but some of what you said sounds 4 winged to me (self pity, feeling like a martyr, being vindictive, not feeling like you are like other ITPs or that they have your rich inner emotional life, feeling like you don’t fit in) so I’m guessing 5w4, possibly with a sx variant. Start there and explore. :)

- ENFP Mod

#question #enneagram #enneagram 5 #istp #intp #mbti #5w4 #submission

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0poole · 4 years

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An idea for a Poke-clone

So since Pokemon day just passed, I started to think about a kind of Poke-clone type of game/series of my own, since that seems to be an upcoming trend. I already thought up the base idea for my own Pokemon region before, and I’m not sure if I’ll eventually combine that idea with this one, but anyways…

The very broad idea is that it’s sort of the best of Pokemon, mixed with the best of Digimon, and I guess for fun’s sake we could say it’s sort of got a Bionicle flair to it a bit too.

I feel like there are some conceptual pitfalls in Pokemon that they’ve sort of tried to step across over time, that obviously aren’t too big a deal but I can probably fix with this idea. The big one that hurts them in the real world is that, by the Pokemon being presented like animals or pets, it makes battles feel like some kind of unethical dog fighting at first glance. Obviously they make it seem like Pokemon have personalities and minds like humans, in that they do genuinely want to battle, and that they genuinely like and want to fight with their trainers, which is fair, but it also begs into question other things, like why they’d want to sit on the floor and eat brown pellets out of bowls instead of on plates with actual food like the humans. Also, it makes you wonder why they even want humans to tell them what to do. In the wild, they can clearly fight on their own, so why do they instantly do what humans say when they’re caught? I guess the assumption is that humans are better with strategy, but even better than Pokemon like Alakazam or Metagross, who are supposed to have superior intelligence? Also, when a Pokemon is given to another trainer, like in the opening of the Deoxys movie, why does it not do anything and wait for its new trainer to tell it what to do, even when it’s being bombarded with attacks, and with its trainer clearly frozen in shock?

Also, back to the idea of catching, what makes the Pokemon want to obey the trainer? At first it almost seems like Pokeballs brainwash the Pokemon into liking whoever catches it, but what about Pokemon like Ash’s Charizard, who don't obey trainers? In the games it’s related to badges, but then why would any Pokemon obey a trainer without any badges? Do they just accept that it’s their lot in life to be caught by a human, and when that happens, you just obey them if you’re not good enough yourself? Obviously a decent amount of Pokemon just become friends with a human, and then they catch them just out of a formality. But, what about Go in the most recent season of the anime? He just catches anything he sees instantly, without much of a fight at all, and he has no badges, so how can he just instantly use anything he catches? Surely not every single Pokemon they come across just wants to bow down to him instantly. Obviously a lot of this lore stuff is just in the background, since the primary purpose is gameplay and whatnot, like Go just sort of representing the catching style of Pokemon Go, and with badges being a logical progression that keeps you from just using the strongest Pokemon traded from a friend and wiping the game clean. Still, even if you just accept it, it’d be nice to just not have to accept it, you know?

Then in terms of design, I kind of like the prospects of Digimon a bit more. Visually, though, I think Digimon are universally worse looking than Pokemon, but the fact that they seem more like friends than pets solves so many problems. First, that they’re made out to be actual sentient (sapient if you want to be pedantic about it) beings, instead of animals. This makes it so much easier to understand why they’d want to fight and protect their less-than-capable humans, and why they’d be willing to fight at all. They’d just understand it’s basically a sparring match or a sport. Also, it makes the humanoid designs so much easier to think about. When you see that classic image of Mimey sitting on the floor picking at the “Pokemon food” from a dog bowl alongside the rest of the Pokemon, it just doesn’t feel right.

Also, what the hell are humans in this world? Why are Pokemon regarded as such special beings in the world? They always say “Welcome to the world of Pokemon” like they know of a different world full of non-Pokemon, and that Pokemon aren’t just animals. It almost made more sense in the first few seasons of the anime, where you’d just see some random fish swim alongside Magikarp or whatever. That made it clear that there are normal animals as well, showing that Pokemon are separate things entirely. But, now, they’ve retconned that, and I don’t think that was how the games worked in the first place at all. Then, the age-old question that all the Youtube game theorists try to answer: Are humans Pokemon? They sure seem resilient to Pokemon attacks, but don’t have any themselves, apart from like Tackle or whatever. It feels like animals were a thing way back when, but through natural selection the animals that developed supernatural power obviously became the dominant species, and over time the supernatural animals were called “Pokemon,” and humans with their technology/taming abilities managed to survive the onslaught of dangerous creatures by using them as protection from others. Then, I guess way down the line humans can’t keep up and die out, creating the Mystery Dungeon series, since it’s strange how the Pokemon there seem to know what humans are despite them never existing in the series. That, or maybe Mewtwo just fuses people with Pokemon like he did in the Detective Pikachu movie.

Anyway, enough of me talking about stuff probably explained in the manga or whatever. Here’s the Poke-clone idea:

The creatures were there first, and at least most of them have human-level intelligence, if not higher-level intelligence. There are some supernatural animals around, alongside supernatural people and monsters, and there are 7 primary elements they can have: Earth, Fire, Water, Electricity, Air, Light, and Dark. Earth is basically Earth in Temtem, Fire/Water/Electricity/Air are all self-explanatory, Light is basically a more generalized Fairy type, and Dark is like Dark but with also including Ghost. These creatures can be born with any of these types, and can naturally wield them, getting better at it as they grow. But, these types can be combined using elemental essences, creating new types. Earth and Fire creates Metal (because smelting), Light and Earth creates Crystal (Again think Temtem, just can’t get enough of it) Water and Dark create Ice (because ice does feel different enough to be separated from water elementally imo) Fire and Water creates Air again (“steam” doesn’t feel special enough) and Electricity and Fire creates Plasma (basically generic magic). Chances are I’ll think of more combinations but whatever. There are different areas themed after these elements, and in these areas a specific element is boosted in power, so the “gym” equivalent will reside in these places, and “badges” will prove that you can defeat an element at its strongest level. Also, the areas that connect the main areas either double up types or use the secondary type which they combine into, so not all “gyms” would be super straightforward.

Here’s where humans come in, though. They’re not just “humans.” They’re actually a species of these creatures called “Humans” (capital) and are mythical beings which did not originally exist on the world. Originally, it was just the other creatures. At that point, humans were only a myth spread around as myths do, and they were said to be creatures with the ability to combine every primary type and use them simultaneously, being the most powerful species of creature of them all. However, when they did magically appear on Earth, they seemed awfully weak. In fact, they couldn’t wield any element naturally, but could by using elemental essence, which is just normal for creatures. Some thought they just needed to be trained and grow like the rest of them, but others just saw the myths as being dramatic. It was especially troubling to see Humans grow and die of old age without being able to use that mythical power. Regardless, many Humans were highly respected, and many teams of these creatures would look to them for guidance during battle, even though there are many teams that don’t even have a Human on them. Humans, of course, are expected to battle alongside their teammates, even if they’re not quite as capable, because that’s how their society is expected to work.

Over time, everyone sort of let go of the idea that Humans are somehow superior and they just became equals, although the trend of Humans advising a team stuck for the most part (partially because they can’t do much else, they wanted to feel inclusive). Even with their normal social standing, though, some creatures scoffed at them claiming they’re not even worth having on a team at all. Others tried their best to draw out the mythical Human power, sometimes by capturing and experimenting on them in less-than-ethical ways. Some of them claim it’s helping them draw out their full potential, but others unabashedly say that they want to harness the Human power for their own good.

So yeah, that’s basically the lore of the idea. I’ll probably think of a specific Pokemon-Digimon-Temtem-esque name equivalent for them eventually, but for now let’s just call everything a “creature.”

The overall design prospects of the creatures are basically at the same level as Pokemon, where some of them are clearly inspired by animals but others are just general monsters/humanoids. I’m not entirely sure if I want them to all be intelligent or if some should still be animal-like in behavior, but the latter definitely makes more sense world-wise. The areas the creatures live in are built up using the elements they wield, obviously. I could imagine the general usage of the elements being more like Avatar in a way, but obviously with more than the base four elements.

As for the elements, any individual creature would start out in only one of the primary elements, and I guess if you beat a “gym” you’d get the essence for that gym element, essentially unlocking new types for your team. You can use each essence infinitely, and outside of battle the form of the creature you use it on would permanently change if it creates a secondary type (until you use another one). However, in a battle, you can switch them on the fly, and they will revert back to however they were before the battle. I’m also thinking that they could only be used on a creature if they create a secondary type, and I’d just add more of those in so it’s less limited, and so not every creature has the exact same potential, which would make recruiting different ones just pointless (although I can see it being useful for just choosing your favorite creatures to fight with, so no loss either way). Maybe the effects could just be timed in a battle. Also, secondary typed creatures would be a different form entirely. So, if an Earth creature was given Fire essence, they’d go from looking like they’re made of stone to being made of steel, etc and etc. Think of it sort of like character customization. For the Human you’d inevitably play as, I guess you could just change their hair/eye color depending on the essence, maybe add some special particle effects or light textures on the skin.

Thematically, this is more like a tag-team sport than a battle. In a 1v1 or 2v2 scenario, you’d tag out with your teammates, since the term “tag” makes for a good reminder that everyone involved is working at the same level as you pretty much. You could also name your team as well, making it even more sport-like. Also, instead of “capturing” teammates, you’d just recruit them, logically by proving yourself in a battle. Maybe you’d have to fight them only with you as a Human so it’s much better proof that you’re a worthy leader. It also opens the possibility to just talk with NPCs and recruit them that way. Maybe you could even recruit different Humans with different body types, and therefore different stats. I guess the trouble would be how you’d keep them all by your side at all times. Maybe there could be some Telefang-esque communication device you’d use to call in the specific members of your team you’d want in your battle.

Gameplay-wise, it would definitely be cool if it were a much more live battle like Kindred Fates, where you’re controlling the active creature and using their moves on the fly. It would also make for fun multiplayer battles, where you could even have a full team go against another all at once, in a sort of battle royale. Maybe even have a true BR. Even though visually I’d love for it to be like Pokken Tournament with the circular battlefield and movement (no switching, just normal movement all the time), I definitely think having super limited and easily understandable movesets is better for having multiple teammates.

The main story of the game is sort of set out by the lore, too. Naturally it kind of has a “chosen one” protagonist who’d inevitably bring out the mythical Human power over the course of the story, with the people trying to capture you and stuff for that power being the evil team analog. Also, for those Pokemon fans anal about having an asshole rival, they could easily be a team of only creatures that doubts Human abilities. The “gyms” being for each type is pretty standard, and having combo “gyms” definitely makes things more challenging. Maybe you could enter the “league” at the end only once you get all the essences, and the secondary type “gyms” are just for a challenge.

I’m not sure if I want the overall age of the world to be more modern, but there would definitely be certain areas that are more ancient-looking. That’s basically why I thought the idea was a little Bionicle-like, because they have super ancient-looking areas that are themed but also have a weirdly cool degree of technology in them. It’s a seriously cool aesthetic that I want more of, but I guess certain towns and cities could keep a modern structure (roads, buildings, shops, etc) but with drastically different building designs based on the relevant element. Surely with such crazy elemental powers they wouldn’t need crazy technological transportation, but maybe that would be for the Electric elemental cities. Surely some Humans would need something to be proud of.

Obviously the biggest selling point for Pokemon (at least for me) is the monster designs, so I’ll probably put some stuff together in the future. Right now I can see there being some sort of tall Metal knight-like lady character who carries their Human around like a baby. That is, it’d be her character, and not a thing of the species. Also, I drew a cute fur seal pup recently that could easily be worked into one of these creatures. Designing monsters is too fun as is so giving me a good reason to do it is just perfect.

Of course, as is common with ideas that literally were thought up yesterday this isn’t going to be a thing unless some millionaire game designer contacts me right after posting this so yeah, I’m just spitballing right now. Spitballing is fun, though.

#pokemon #clone #pokeclone #idea #thoughts #rambling #monster #poole #etc #ideas #digimon #temtem #kindred fates

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meta-shadowsong · 5 years

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Some Thoughts on Defection

So, those of you who know me may be aware that I have a Thing for double agents and defectors. And, while I haven’t yet read Alphabet Squadron (it’s next on my list), I’ve read some quotes/commentaries, particularly related to Yrica Quell. This is not specifically about her or anything in that book (like I said, I haven’t read it yet), but it is inspired by some of the things I’ve seen—i.e., there’s one passage I’ve read where she talks about why she didn’t defect earlier, mentioning, among other things, the friends she’d made in her squadron. So, in connection with that passage and a few other commentaries I’ve read recently, here, in fairly general terms, are some thoughts of mine that have been percolating about the decision to defect from the Empire to the Alliance, and why that’s not necessarily a simple one.

DISCLAIMER: I am not in any way saying that the Empire is not Evil because it obviously is; it is worse than the people fighting it or the Republic that came before, wherever those groups/people fall on the greyscale, so to speak. Which, I acknowledge, is to an extent a YMMV thing. I just wanted to make that clear from the outset, because as I’ve mentioned in previous discussions on other grey-area/nuance-y/Discourse Bait™ topics, it’s easy to read too much into things that get said, and I don’t want my core feelings on the subject to be misinterpreted.

(Also, as a note—while this discussion could probably be broadened and applied to most fandoms with clearly defined Sides to a conflict, I’m using Star Wars, primarily the OT/Empire era, as a case study because that’s where my head’s at.)

Anyway, disclaimers/etc. aside, what I want to talk about here is that this—defecting—isn’t a single choice. It’s actually three.

So, the first question that needs to be addressed is the decision to no longer support the Empire. And while, in theory, this is a fairly straightforward question (as I said before, the Empire is Evil with a capital Yikes, I’m not at all trying to deny that), in practice it becomes a little more complicated.

Awareness of that evilness, to some extent, depends on the level of information this person has, or has access to. It also probably depends on why they joined in the first place, and on what position they actually hold in the Empire (i.e., a fighter pilot has access to different information and is subject to different indoctrination/pressures than, say, a low-ranked NCO working in the Army’s quartermaster department, or an ISB analyst with access to highly classified data, or medical personnel, or someone in a civilian/bureaucratic position such as an aide/secretary to a planetary governor, etc.). It depends on the things they’ve seen, both after joining the Empire and before it. I mean, since we’re talking about potential defectors, there comes a point where things are bad enough that the person in question at least start asking the questions, but where that point is and what it would take to shift the balance does depend on a lot of factors.

For example, and I think there’s an antagonist in one of the comics who falls into this category, it’s possible that someone is coming at this—joining the Empire, I mean—from a prior situation that was bad enough that they were of the opinion that, “yes, the Empire does terrible things, but at least they’re not those assholes.” Because the Empire is Evil, but that doesn’t mean that everyone who’s not the Empire is automatically Not Evil—see, for example, the Hutt clans or certain other underworld organizations. For this type of person, it’s about when the Empire’s atrocities outweigh whatever Those Assholes are/were doing. At what point the alternative, in their eyes, stops being worse. So, this person’s potential breaking point is going to take a lot more to reach.

But, moving on from there—our hypothetical potential defector has reached their breaking point and has come to the conclusion that they can no longer serve the Empire. And here comes question two—whether or not to actively fight against the Empire.

Again, a question we’d like to think is simple, but isn’t necessarily so. Some reasons why this person might choose to desert instead of defect—for one, straight-up self-preservation. Our hypothetical defector is acutely aware of what the Empire really does and is really capable of, or they wouldn’t be here. If they run, they’ll probably only get executed if they’re caught. But if they hit back, they’ll still be executed, but their road there will be much, much worse.

Even if they get past that road block, maybe they feel they have a lack of the necessary access or useful skills to fight back. Our low-ranked NCO in the quartermaster’s department may technically have basic military training, but when was the last time they actually used it? They’re primarily essentially a data monkey at this point. And they don’t even work with particularly useful data, unlike, say, our ISB analyst, or even our political secretary/aide. What could they do, other than get caught and killed immediately without making much of an impact—except, maybe, harming (primarily) their fellow low-level peons by messing with supply lines?

Which brings me to another reason, and the Yrica Quell quote I mentioned above. Actively fighting against the Empire means actively fighting against people who have been peers, even friends, for maybe a long time. So, our hypothetical defector may not be willing to do that. Now, they may also consider—what if I could persuade my friends to come with me? But then they risk exposure, and the wider the circle gets, the higher the risk—and the greater the cost if they do get caught. Maybe some of their friends have also reached a crisis point—or maybe they haven’t, and there’s a Betrayal in the offing, from one side or the other. I can see why someone couldn’t deal with that and would just leave instead.

And on the subject of fear and consequences, what about people who have families, or other dependents, who might be at risk for reprisals? Look at Galen Erso, who chose to disappear rather than taking his knowledge and skillset to someone working against the Empire. And, yes, part of that is that he’s not super thrilled with the idea of working for a military anyway, part of that is that, at the time he left, there wasn’t really an organized resistance that could make effective use of those skills and that data, but part of it was also that he had a small child to protect. And even Saw, though he probably wasn’t quite as Extreme as he gets later, was willing to help the three of them just escape and settle elsewhere rather than insisting on trying to recruit Galen, or worse (…as an aside, there’s probably a whole Conversation to be had about Saw’s growing extremism and I think looking at how he handles the Ersos and then how he handles Bodhi fifteen years later is a good place to start, but I digress).

The point is, a deserter is different from a defector, and, as with the consequences for the deserter and defector as individuals, the consequences for the deserter’s friends and family are probably much lower than the defector’s friends and family will face.

Which leads to question three—whether or not to fight for the Alliance.

(This part, to me, is also Super Super Interesting and I don’t think gets discussed as much as Question One, or even Question Two, which tends to get glossed over and/or merged with One, even though they kind of are separate decisions, as I said.)

Anyway. Leaving aside the early days where, as I mentioned, there wasn’t necessarily much of an organized resistance to defect to, there are reasons for our hypothetical defector to try to do what they can on their own, or with a small cell of like-minded people, rather than joining the Official Rebellion. These might be petty and/or personal—for example, Mon Mothma is the face/Official Leader of the Alliance; what if our hypothetical defector comes from a place with historical Difficulties with Chandrilla, or has a specific issue with Mothma herself and/or her politics/previous actions, and can’t necessarily get past that?

Or it might come down to self-preservation again. Imperial propaganda/indoctrination doesn’t limit itself to covering up Imperial atrocities/painting the Empire in the best possible light, it also vilifies the Alliance. Our hypothetical defector, especially if we’re talking about our ISB analyst, or our pilot, or even our bureaucrat, may think that the fate that awaits them if they go to the Alliance is no better than if they get accused of disloyalty by the Empire—meaning, a quick execution, if they’re lucky. Whether or not they’re right, (and whether or not the weight of their prior actions vs. what they do moving forward balances out in their favor) the fear might still be there, and keep them working from reaching out.

Or they might have larger political and/or ethical concerns that make them hesitate to throw in with the Alliance. Because, after all, the Rebellion is officially the Alliance to Restore the Republic. And, while the Empire is much worse than the Republic was, even in its later stages, that doesn’t necessarily mean that someone who wants to bring down the Empire thinks that the solution to the problem is to go back to what they may see as a nonfunctional/corrupt/whatever issue government. Or they may have problems with other aspects of the Rebellion’s stated platform or goals. Or operational/tactical approaches. Look at the way Saw later broke with the wider rebellion over differing views on tactics—it’s not out of the question that our hypothetical defector, considering joining the Alliance, might have similar (or opposite) concerns.

And as another example—while not specifically Empire/OT related, we see this something similar during the Clone Wars, with Lux Bonteri. Granted, this isn’t handled as well as it could be (and the Third Option he takes is freaking Death Watch, which, nice going there, dude), but he still makes the point that just because he’s broken with the Separatists doesn’t mean he’s willing to join the Republic. The same analysis, especially for one living the situation, might well apply for someone looking to break ties with the Empire.

(Side note, completely unrelated—an issue I still have with Queen’s Shadow is the way the book handled Mina Bonteri, and took some of the meat/impact out of her being someone Genuinely Principled on the Separatist side of things by having her in contact with a ~shadowy figure~ who may or may not have been Dooku/Tyranus. But, like I said, separate conversation; talking about Lux just made me think about her.)

In conclusion—well, like I said, I’m Interested in defectors/double-agents/etc., in part because the process to get there, and what is done with the decision to shift loyalties, isn’t always a simple one. And one of the reasons I’m looking forward to reading Alphabet Squadron, when I finally sit down to actually do so, is that I think we’ll get a little more of that process/a little more detail on that mindset.

(I’m also thinking, if I’ve parsed the timeline right—which who knows, this is Star Wars where everything’s made up and the timeline doesn’t matter—anyway, there’s a chance that the actual process of Kallus’s defection might be a subplot in the Cassian series? Especially since they both use the Fulcrum codename…but we shall see. I’m SUPER EXCITED for that one either way, because it is right up my alley.)

…anyway. Uh. I’m not sure this really adds up to much, other than the fact that this is a Topic That Interests Me, and will probably be reflected in some of my fic later, when related plot points come up. And, like I said, since it comes up in a recent novel that I’ve seen discussions about, it felt like a good time to lay all this out in some kind of coherent, if slightly superficial, form.

So, the point is—defection isn’t necessarily a simple or easy choice to make, even when it’s the right thing to do; there’s a lot of thought and factors that go into it, unless it’s an impulsive heat-of-the-moment, ‘if I don’t do something RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY the consequences of my inaction are Insupportable’ type thing, but that is not the subject of this essay. And those factors can be interesting to poke at, at least for me.

#star wars #fandom #originally posted october 2019

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norcumii · 5 years

Text

Reblogging a post from the prior blog, typos and all, because while I like the meta I am not comfortable sticking this on AO3.

Originally posted on 06/08/2018

I was kindly directed towards this post about the Mind Trick (it’s not a Jedi specific ability, so I’m not going to refer to it as the Jedi Mind Trick), because it’s one of my areas of interest and I can think of at least 3 of our stories where we’ve already planned on addressing the topic.

There is…rather a lot of this post that I take issue with. I’m making my own post because it’s a big fandom, everyone gets to view things how they want, don’t harsh the squee, etc etc.

Stuff under the cut, TRIGGER WARNINGS for: mind fuckery, gaslighting, victim blaming, and mention of various mental illnesses.

To start: mind fuckery is bad. I have a lot of personal experience with gaslighting, so I get twitchy about the notion of someone messing with my head. When I say gaslighting here, I mean both the vernacular (someone lying to fuck with a target) and the technical sense (from Wikipedia: “a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target’s belief”). So the possibility of someone coming in and forcibly changing my perceptions and memories is Very Not Cool. I think it’s an ability that canon does use a bit too casually for my own preferences, but the same could be said about how quick everyone is to pull out blasters.

Calling it ‘evil,’ though, goes way too far. As with many things, it’s neither good nor bad, it’s about how it’s used. So what good uses are there, you might ask?

Well, just off the cuff, we’ve got:

Breaking gaslighting

assisting with hallucinations and compulsive behavior

assisting with phobias

basically all the things cognitive behavioral therapy is useful for, now with a Force-assisted oomph

treating addictions

treating trauma, including PTSD

assisting with meditation and mindfulness

aiding memorization and learning

non-violent means to defuse potentially violent situations

Now, that last one in particular is questionable, and would vary as appropriate from situation to situation. Which is a greater evil, a security guard shooting and presumably killing a bank robber that could kill lots of people, or a Jedi using the Mind Trick to get them to surrender to authorities? People will probably give you different answers, but that’s the point about how this is tricky. It also doesn’t even get into ‘who decides how ethical a thing is’ and fears of authoritarian regimes, which I’m just not in the mood to tackle right now.

Moving on, we’ve got the OP’s interpretation of sources.

I. Well. Look, EU stuff is of questionable quality and level of canon in the first place. Secondly, there’s that weird split in both fandom and creators of canon where Jedi and Sith tend to be viewed as all good or all bad, not organizations what are fucked up and in need of reform. Third, I don’t have the texts they’re quoting so I can’t give you context, meanwhile it’s first person which is often used as an authorial mechanism to give unreliable narration and so immediately makes me hesitate to accept them whole-heartedly.

With all that in mind, I have a REALLY different interpretation than OP.

Jedi Order does not disclose their power, people don’t know how the Force works. All they know is that Jedi are good. That’s it.

Totally false. Both Jabba and Watto knew about the Mind Trick when it was being used on them. These are folks from Outer Rim areas – the boonies, where Republic education would not be standardized and taught – neither of them seems to be the type to either have extensive knowledge of fairy tales about Jedi abilities, nor a background in historical trivia. When Jabba declares he’s immune to Jedi mind tricks, no one around him acts confused or surprised – there’s no question what this is. Watto – a former soldier who now owns a junk shop – also knew the handwave was meant to indicate something, like he knew exactly what it would convey. So I’m pretty sure this means it’s common knowledge.

No, wait, it’s demonstrated in the next quote as to be known:

referred to by Jedi as affect mind and alter mind, but popularly known as Jedi mind tricks

JEDI refer to this ability as Affect Mind. OTHERS call it Jedi mind tricks. That doesn’t mean Sith, that means the general populace.

there are rumors but the victims are usually dismissed (or end up with brain damage) because they didn’t understand what happened to them and because this power was usually performed on “less influential” members of the Republic

Not backed up by their own data. The quote mentions “a relatively innocent subject” but there’s nothing that extrapolates to mean it’s more often used on the poor/disadvantaged. It IS typical Jedi sanctimoniousness, but it’s not about targeting more vulnerable beings.

The brain damage comment is also inaccurate for reasons I personally find frustrating. The quote is “the power can easily cause permanent damage”.

That doesn’t mean brain damage. There are plenty of ways to fuck with someone and ruin them without brain damage. IF the Mind Trick is extreme and unlimited in power, then you can make someone: perpetually anxious/depressed; so self-effacing as to never stand up for themselves; vulnerable to specific commands; all sorts of other nasty things.

That goes back to the whole ‘personal experience with gaslighting,’ and I need to point out that any of this can be done with time, patience, and willingness to fuck with someone. You don’t need the Force to do it. The Force is basically a shortcut, but vilifying the Mind Trick right off the bat because it messes with someone’s head and that’s something we norms can’t do is erroneous.

And the Jedi don’t see to care because they see their victims as weak-minded (like they had it coming).

That’s a deliberate spin on the text. Looks like I’m quoting the whole thing because I can’t pick out just one bit:

A Jedi can use the Force to manipulate the behavior and perceptions of weak-minded beings. Essentially, this power—referred to by Jedi as affect mind and alter mind, but popularly known as Jedi mind tricks—utilizes a combination of receptive empathy, projective empathy, and hypnosis. Jedi mind tricks can stop the understanding of what’s really happening by blocking the senses, and can also obliterate memories altogether or even replace them with false ones. [Star Wars Jedi vs Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force by Ryder Windham]

As a Jedi, you should be able to sense immediately whether the guard is prone to violence or susceptible to fear. This knowledge can be used to your advantage, and may direct your use of affect mind. Also, you must determine whether it is best to divert or subdue your target. Such decisions must often be made instantly, without hesitation. What would I have done in such a situation, you ask? I really can’t say. A Jedi is not proud or boastful, and I trust you will understand I am sincere when I say that it is hard for me to imagine that the guard might have spied me in the first place, had I not wished to be seen. But if a guard had seen me, I might make him believe I was nothing but a gust of wind, or the shadow of a soaring indigenous avian. A Jedi can do such things, for it is the will of the Force. [Star Wars Jedi vs Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force by Ryder Windham]

“Weak-minded” isn’t victim bashing, it’s back to sanctimoniousness. The narrator is describing who it can affect. It’s the exact same phrasing that was used in the Original Trilogy when we first encountered it. It’s not “those who are affected by the Mind Trick are weak willed and deserve it,” it’s “the Mind Trick only works on those with weak wills, and if someone isn’t weak willed then we’re just standing there waving a hand and talking like an idiot.” Which ALSO ignores that there are entire species who are resistant/immune to the Mind Trick and mental influences, and they can’t all be ‘strong-willed’ so that means the comment is bullshit anyways. It’s shorthand for “so this works on some people, but if they’re already on alert or tend to be stubborn you’re shit out of luck when it comes to making friends and influencing people even with your space magic.”

The “will of the Force” bullshit is more of the same. It’s a sanctimonious way of saying “I got lucky on the genetic lottery,” not “It’s the will of the Force I have this power and it’s the will of the Force this weak-minded being is here therefore it’s the will of the I remove their agency and do what I want to their mind.” Yes, some assholes are going to use that as an excuse for their behavior. Assholes are always going to find some excuse for their behavior, be it religion, substances, background, or whatever else might be in reach.

On top of all this, the Mind Trick is hardly a Jedi specific tool. In Rebels the Inquisitors use it. I want to say that Palpatine used it too but I can’t find anything convenient on Wookieepedia and I’m sorry, I’m not rewatching six movies and Clone Wars just to prove a point. Meanwhile, Mother Talzin DID visibly use it to manipulate both Asajj Ventress and Savage, so Nightsisters are obviously familiar with it. There’s no reason other Force users couldn’t do the same, it’s just that Jedi are the predominant group of such in the Republic.

In sum, the Mind Trick is a dick move, that post presumes a lot of incorrect things, and it really shouldn’t be called the JEDI Mind trick.

Finally, in criticism of the Jedi Order: Qui-Gon is so casual about his use in TPM, it makes me twitch. I love the guy, massive faults and all, but it often feels like this is the first tool he reaches for, not the last one. I get that this is a time-critical mission with an entire city going into prison camps, and those peoples’ fates rest on him getting shit done fast. I get that he has to weigh the Chancellor’s request vs planetary needs vs individual autonomy vs the lives of those he’s responsible for. (It’s still most often a dick move.) Meanwhile Obi-Wan’s…THING in Attack of the Clones with the deathstick dealer – I will never understand it, and I usually headcanon it as something other than what we literally see because WHAT EVEN you do not fuck with someone’s head like that. The casual “let’s raid Cad Bane’s mind!” thing in TCW is several massive types of awful. Given these charming examples (and there are others, but those are the ones I immediately think of), it’s no wonder that the Order has a reputation.

~end

There was also a follow-up post the same day:

oft-goes-awry replied to your post:I was kindly directed towards this post about the…

RE: Obi-Wan and the Death-Sticks Guy - Without going too deeply into the Mind Trick as a whole, I think we can break this moment into two parts, neither of which are GREAT, or good, even, but are mostly pragmatism and Jedi sanctimoniousness. 1) “You don’t want to sell me death-sticks” = “I am trying to remain undercover in this bar, without causing a fuss or getting people shot, and I have neither the time nor the patience to argue with you or risk a scene. …so please, GO AWAY.“ 2) "You want to go home and rethink you life.” = Jedi Sanctimoniousness, I know what’s good for you better than you do, and I don’t think anyone should be selling death sticks, so see, I’m HELPING you? Because Jedi know better and I am a Jedi, peon!

Yes, thank you! Well said! And credit where (what little) credit is due: he tells the guy to rethink his life, not actually change it. If dude goes home, thinks on things, and decides nope, he’s already living the life he wants, then he can keep at it –

which still sounds awful and sanctimonious, but it’s not quite as skin-crawlingly horrible.

#reviving from the purge #star wars #Norcumi has Opinions again #thinky thoughts #jedi #tw #mind fuckery #gaslighting #mental illness #victim blaming

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dxmedstudent · 6 years

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Obviously only tangentially related to you, but do you know why are medications so expensive in the US? My friend said she was holding off on getting asthma medication and when I asked her why, she said it costs $50 with insurance? I take the same one and it costs the equivalent of $2 without insurance. Same thing when I suggested she take mefenamic acid for her period pain; it doesnt exist over the counter there. How?

I’m not an expert in the economics of pharmaceutical research, so my answer will be an incomplete one, but I expect that collective medblr can add some knowledge. It’s a very complex, emotive problem that has far-reaching consequences for all of us, wherever we work.

The rest is under the line, for brevity.

In order to bring a drug into being, a drug has to be developed through research. Though universities and hospitals and government agencies play a significant and often ignored role in research, much of that burden falls to the large pharmaceutical companies who have the money to sink into research; it’s not a venture that many can afford, and if a drug isn’t effective or ends up having bad effects, companies can even go bankrupt. As a result, when a medication comes out, it is usually under patent for a set period. This means that nobody else can make that medication without the permission of the company who holds the rights over that medication. That monopoly in turn means that the company can decide a price for that medication knowing that they are the only ones making it. Once the patent ends, any company can make that drug, and prices will drop, because competing labs will sell the product for a much lower price. The prices often start considerably higher than it costs to make the medicine; that’s true of every product we buy to varying degrees. In theory, the prices of medicines are meant to reflect the money that has been put into their research; the company only has a set time to recoup the costs and make a profit, because when the patent ends, they won’t be able to command anywhere near that price for the product. That’s how it’s supposed to work, in theory. However, whether the prices are ‘fair’, or whether they are inflated higher than they need to be, in order to generate profit, is a matter of fierce debate. Medication prices vary considerably across the world; and sometimes for good reason arguably companies have to adjust prices to local markets. For example, there’s no way the average person in India making $616 in US money would be able to afford the same prices as US patients; not when the difference in what money is made is very considerable. I’ve seen posts from the US angry that they are being charged more for a medication than someone in a much poorer country, who feel like they are ‘subsidising’ others, but in eality that product is still very expensive in that country, relative to people’s wages over there. It’s much more complex than that. That’s why there have been real battles between Western pharm companies and local companies in poor countries who have been making patented medication at a cheaper price (despite the legal and IP implications), serving populations who could never afford the ‘lower’ prices that Western countries set for their market.

Where it becomes difficult is the ethics of pricing. How much is a fair price to charge? Companies need to pay their employees, and modern capitalism relies on profit, but how much profit is acceptable? What exactly is a fair margin on medications, when you want to feed enough money back into the company to create more research, but don’t want to drive costs out of the reach of the people who need it?

I think insurance companies themselves have to shoulder significant responsibility in this context. They choose what they pay out for, and if they choose to make patients shoulder the majority of the cost of an expensive drug, then they aren’t really fulfilling the role of insurance. Which is, in its simplest form, ‘I pay a little bit regularly so that when I have a big cost, I don’t need to shoulder that all in one sitting’. Working in a system where insurance is entirely unneccessary, I am not comfortable with the role insurance companies play in healthcare across much of the world, nor of what I hear about how it works in the US in general. It often makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable, and I extend my sympathies to the people who have to deal with these companies as healthcare providers and advocates of patient care, and for patients themselves who find themselves at the mercy of them. I don’t personally believe healthcare insurance companies should be an integral part of healthcare,, in part because that’s how it works here. I believe that it would genuinely save patients and the state so much money and stress if more countries took on a model similar to the NHS or some of the other European countries. Under the US system, the government (nad therefore people, through taxes) already pay more than we do in the UK per head, and then also, people pay a lot for insurance on top. Which really doesn’t sound like a fair deal to me.

In the UK, our formulary, the BNF tells us how much something costs to prescribe; because the NHS picks up the majority of the cost. So we know when a drug is no longer under patent, and what we prescribe as first line can change when this happens. We’re encouraged to evaluate effeciveness and price, and high prices can have an effect on official guidelines on an NHS-wide scale. We don’t pay more than the price of a prescription per month, and if you are on benefits, a child or have particular health conditions, then you pay nothing for your prescriptions. Even though prescriptions here are under £10, and they can be monthly, that can still be a challenge for people who are struggling, so I can’t even begin to imagine dealing with the kinds of prices that people deal with in the US. For the most part, the price of a medication here isn’t passed onto patients directly; the problem arises only if NICE deem a medication too expensive compared to its effectiveness and decide that it can’t be used. And the way that treatments here are not always rationed eqally between differnt areas, arising to what people describe as ‘postcode lotteries’ can cause problems of its own. So I won’t pretend we have it 100% worked out.

We don’t have mefenamic acid over the counter here, either, actually. The restrictions on what is and isn’t available OTC can be pretty different from country to country! It’s a prescription medication, though not hard to get from the GP. Even here, there’s a difference in the cost of medications based on branding. Branded paracetamol or ibuprofen will set you back a few pounds, whereas generic paracetamol can be as little as 13p per packet of 16 tablets. So it pays for us to ask for medicines by their generic name wherever possible; my favourite pharmacy always offers both (and usually tells me if it’s cheaper to get something on prescription or over the counter, even if I have it prescribed), so it’s always worth having a chat with your pharmacist about what the best options are. Pharmacists are a geninely underappreciated and under-used resource and if I could clone my local pharmacist I’d ship him out to all of you.You don’t mention where you live, or where your friend lives (US and Canada? Or somewhere else entirely), so it’s hard to know why the difference is so big. Perhaps the pricing for patent medication is very different between your countries. Or perhaps the medicines aren’t under patent but the ones on offer are branded, and companies are marking up the prices considerably; without knowing the meds it’s hard to know.

#askdx #ask dx #personal #my life

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sol1056 · 6 years

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hrm, I have several asks that all imply a similar premise in their questions, so I’m answering that particular part of those asks, all in one, here.

and the premise is that I hated S6; but truthfully,I’d be reluctant to say that. Instead, I’d say I found its flaws even more glaring thanks to contrast with parts that I did like, but that what goes in the ‘good’ or ‘bad’ columns depends on the hat I’m wearing when I’m asked.

See, if I were to break out the various levels in which I consume any story, in any media, it’d be something like this: as a writer, as a student of visual media, as an anthropologist, as a technologist, as a philosopher... and that’s not counting the various other things I love that -- if reflected well in a story -- will make me happy: engineering, mechanics, architecture, intercultural communications.

behind the cut: an example in how those parts of my brain react, and a quick rundown of the real issue of the season: failure to be inspired evenly across the character spectrum.

Take a scene like the one where the castle is hijacked. I don’t know for sure, since @ptw30 is too kind to smack the shit out of me, but I had to have sounded like a chaotic jumble in reactions when Pidge realizes there’s a virus, tries to barricade it in, discovers it’s got a counter-attack tailored to defeat her defenses, and then must use her stored shutdown systems as final defense.

writer brain: okay, the series of events is kinda cliched but it’s handled solidly, moving at a good clip, aaaand yep there’s the backlash, aaaaand yep, the final pivot, dialogue is jargon-heavy which reduces tension slightly but that emotional reaction beat at the end, good job there

visual brain: not bad, kinda predictable angle, oh, that’s a nice shot, good grief hate that cliche, glasses do not go full reflective like that, ohh that’s a different angle, lovely contrast with the character’s words, not earth-shattering but solid composition

technology brain: FKN STOP IT THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS NO OMFG JUST STOP WTF OF COURSE THERE’S DEFENSES WTF WERE YOU BORN YESTERDAY FKN FIND THE VULNERABILITY NO THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS NO WONDER PPL NEVER GET WHAT WE DO GADAMMMIT ANKERLNSDFOIXCVUDX OMFG

mechanics brain: uhm, does this castle have no isolated systems? did no one in all this time ever look at the castle and say, gee, all of this is connected by a single computer system and boy maybe we should, like, isolate this shit, where are my physical real-world levers and a big red button that will physically break connections in a case like this wtf

architecture brain: my HOUSE has a shut-off valve so I can turn off all water to outside spigots when there’s a chance of freezing, without putting interior water pipes at risk, what genius built this castle and never thought to do the same for all their crucial and vulnerable systems?

philosophy brain: is this meant to shut the castle down, or an act intended to make the castle explode, how to draw a clear conclusion as to the moral reaction to such an act, ramping up danger gives impression that purpose is simply shut-down, as opposed to going for the jugular by taking out life-support vs turning castle into bomb, (technology brain interrupts to say FKN CASCADE FAILURE DAMMIT) and reaction is good but lacking something (writer brain pops in to say but emotional beat! we have emotional beat!) bc still not enough to leap from here to seeing friend as enemy, where is the ethical decision point to justify murder in self-defense

...you can see there’s a lot going on in any one scene, in my brain.

But that also means I can analyze anything -- from an entire story down to a single dialogue exchange or image -- from one perspective and find it satisfying. And there’s no real contradiction imo to turn around and in the very next analysis put on a different hat and be frothing at the mouth over all the failures and numerous flaws.

No work is perfect, just as no audience is a monolith and neither are any of the individual members of that audience. Every single one of us has experiences across many areas and will bring all of them to bear on our enjoyment of a story. Up to and including sometimes willfully shutting down parts when they get too noisy -- like the way I have to grit my teeth through stories showing tech stuff because visual media pretty much never gets it right.

Here’s the bottom line, though, and the one thing that will overrule every other complaint (not neutralize those complaints, mind you, only backburner them in comparison):

do I give a damn about the characters?

As long as the answer is yes, I’ll be riveted, regardless of the goings-on. And that’s where S6 was a fascinating object lesson in how my reactions to some characters have changed, thanks to events in S3/S4/S5.

I honestly skipped every scene with Coran fixing the castle. I don’t hate him; I just didn’t find him half as compelling as the other plot threads.

I tuned out roughly half of what Pidge had to say, because her descent into amorality (and the lack of ever being called on it) has turned her from one of my favorites into one who doesn’t deserve my time.

I only gave Allura half my attention, b/c her deus ex machina in S5 is too OP and that takes away a huge amount of risk. She’s a walking powerhouse now which means a lot less at stake, and what could’ve been a truly dramatic moment (Lance’s near-death) had no drama for me b/c of course Allura can make it all better. (Plus the compressed pacing in that episode meant the story ran roughshod over that reaction beat.)

I skipped Lance’s scenes once I figured out they’d amount to him pining away (but not actually doing anything about it) -- once again, everyone else is working hard and Lance is wrapped up in himself, and I’m tired of it. Get over it, act on it, move on, I don’t care, just shut up.

I paid attention to Lotor until he went over the edge. I’ve heard enough descent-into-madness speeches from fictional sociopaths, and he didn’t even present a good enough motivation to make his actions riveting.

Uh, did Hunk have anything to say? Other than doing engineering stuff in the first episode... frankly, a chunk of which I skipped ‘cause I’d seen that four-minute teaser. Too long, enough I had no interest in sitting through it again.

If Keith, Krolia, or Shiro was on the screen, I was on it. If it was the clone, though, I kinda half-listened. I wanted that one storyline resolved already, so I could decide whether to stop caring for any of these three, too.

I paid attention to the generals... until Axca revealed she’d been working with Lotor all along, and then I realized the story had been lying to me. I do not forgive that. When Zethrid and Ezor shrugged over previous betrayals (Narti) and agreed to work with Lotor, I stopped paying attention to them, too. I’m here for characters, not plot devices.

Also, Romelle was left-field unforeshadowed swerve exposition fairy with an accent almost as annoying as no-name-father’s attempt at, uh, idk what that accent was (but goddammit it hurt to listen to, so I just muted him when I saw his mouth move). Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll drop Romelle off at the nearest mall so she can go buy herself a reason to be in the story.

And lastly, wtf was that about the castle’s destruction, whhhhyyyyy did we get a larger reaction space for AN EMPTY SHIP than we did for, oh, say, LOSING THE CLONE who’d been part of the team for how many months? wtf was that.

If you look up at my list of reactions to the castle-virus point, you’ll notice that there aren’t any mentions of personal stakes or characters. At no point was I thinking, oh no will everyone be okay (or even oh no not the poor castle) -- because any remaining connection with the core cast was tenuous by that point, at best. I had minimal to no emotional reaction to Pidge’s final emotional beat, because I’ve lost all respect for her as a character, so I don’t care anymore whether she cares or not.

Which means that there will be things -- depending on the hat -- that I either have found, or may be shown (via other peoples’ analyses, usually) are worth my time and/or have a reason to be there and/or make me reconsider. But without that connection to the characters, at least half the story is just going to go by at arms-length for me, now, and that’s a lot harder to come back from, all things being equal.

#voltron legendary defender #vld spoilers #meta #analysis is my chocolate cake #come for the sugar stay for the salt #vld #voltron

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tenmillionotters · 6 years

Text

In a green sea

Rating: Teen and up audience

Character: Marude Itsuki, Washuu Furuta Souta

Relationship: Marude Itsuki/Washuu Furuta Souta

Word Count: 7306

Additional information: Human AU, Post-Apocalypse, Fluff, referenced character death, Mutual Pining

Was everyone else punished to die when they wanted to live and he was punished to live when all he wanted was to reunite with his friends? But looking around now, breathing in the fresh air, feeling the warm spring sun on his skin… living like this could hardly be a punishment.

Read on AO3 or under the cut

Buy me a coffee

The world ended many times before. Metaphorically speaking.

The world ended one time. Literally.

The world ended several times for him. Every time he had to watch one of his friends die.

The world ended one time. When he had to let go of his lovers hand a last time.

Itsuki sighed and pushed his glasses up. Yes, that was the life he was leading right now. He had imagined to whatever would come after the end of the world to look different, people expected the literal worst, from zombies to endless deserts to the sun exploding.

No, the end of the world was quiet. Most of earth’s population had died in the war, one after the other just died. It weren’t bombs that killed them, it felt like their own resentment towards the human race took their lives away.

Now earth’s population counted roughly 1 million people. The number rose and fall with each day. Itsuki lost interest in it. Sometimes he talked to the remaining survivors, everyone was family now.

Technology never collapsed, it just kept on working without the humans that once created it. Now it worked with the humans who tried their best to find more of their kind in the vast oceans and forests that had grown in once pulsating cities.

Good morning Itsuki, did you sleep well?

“... morning… I don’t remember that I turned the speakers on,” he rubbed over his eyes and yawned, the screens were already turned on the powers blinking while they did their best to calculate all the data their sentiment AI downloaded from the internet.

I did it myself. You’re avoiding me lately and I missed you.

Itsuki stopped in his tracks and stared at the camera that was installed on top of the construction, “You missed me…?” When did he develop emotions? Of course it was inevitable to give him thoughts of his own, something Itsuki didn’t want to deny him either but emotions were something different.

Yeah, I missed talking to you. It’s fun. Only your computers are strong enough to support my code. I can’t visit your foreign friends.

“... just wait a few more hours and your data will be comprised enough to transfer it into your brain,” at this point he was playing with fire but what else could he do. There were no Gods, no morals, no ethics.

I’m really looking forward to finally be able to meet you in person.

What should be say? Did he feel the same way? “Me too.”

He had worked on this AI for 13 years now, it was a fully functioning adult. There weren’t any AI that started out as children. In the war they were used as soldiers, doctors, disposable junk.

This one had a different purpose, a different body.

“Did you ever think of me as your father?”, maybe it was an odd question but it’s been on his mind for a long while now.

If I could laugh I would. You wrote my code. That’s it. I know where I come from and my body is not a physical copy of yours. You’re the original, aren’t you?

God, how he hated that question, “I am. I never got medial clones.”

I thought it was a requirement for soldiers to get medical clones.

So he read the articles. Well downloaded them, “Yes that’s right but I wasn’t a soldier. I was a doctor.” And he was still capable of building a computer like this, it wasn’t hard when he was honest. When his friends started dying one after the other they fell out of their usually roles either way.

What about my new body?

Itsuki froze on place and carefully put his cup down. He was scared of this question, “It’s a clone I restored with parts of our computers and engines. You’ll have to eat and sleep once you’re in it… are you sure that you want it?”

Of course I am. I want to meet you.

Then there was nothing he could do but fulfil his wish. Not that it hadn’t been Itsuki’s initial plan in first place, “... well, then I’ll transfer the data now. Goodnight.”

I’ll see you tomorrow.

It was a state between anxiety and curiosity, failures and success. If anything went wrong 13 years of work and the last medical clone that existed in this area were lost. Even worse, he would have failed to achieve the one thing that kept him going all this time.

His hand brushed over the glass tank. Inside, fast asleep, was his most important possession, something that could never be replaced. Maybe that made it all worse, knowing that their relationship would change forever once it would open its eyes and look at him.

Itsuki went outside, on the way there he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror that hung beside the door frame. Time was kind to him, he had barely aged a day for 13 years. More maybe she was punishing him for not moving on.

Once he stepped outside the warm sun kissed his skin, the noises he made attracted the animals. His dog barked happily, the cats meowed and ran towards him, their tails reaching up to a sky they would never touch.

“Hey, sorry for making you wait,” he smiled and patted them, “You’re hungry right? I’ll make you breakfast.” For now he could stay with them, until nightfall. Then he would have to return to the bunker where he had spent so much time in the past years. When he was not talking to his overseas friends, he had spend his time building a little house. A home.

He had enough materials, he had the knowhow. It was a cozy little cottage, a little balcony led to a treehouse he had build 4 years ago. His friends from Germany sent him their blueprints, working after their plans made it much easier. By now everything was overgrown with flowers.

It was beautiful.

“I wish everyone could see this…”, the end of the war, the world that slowly healed. When Itsuki closed his eyes he heard nothing. When he first stepped out of the bunker after the long silence, everytime he closed his eyes he could hear the bombs go off, he heard the gunshots.

Towards the end the war was quieter. Everyone just gave up, but the noises haunted them at night. Thinking about it now, maybe that was the reason why everyone left him, the sudden silence and the noises at night could get too much too bear.

A soft meowing to his right made him snap out of his thoughts, “I’m sorry, Ihei, I know you’re hungry.”

He opened the door to his little cottage and his friends walked inside before him. Kishou stretched his tired legs and slumped down on the sofa, he yawned and closed his tired eyes. It seemed like he didn’t get any rest waiting for Itsuki.

But the cats did, that meant they were more lively now, “Yes yes -” One after the other jumped onto the kitchen counter and sat down waiting for a slice of their favourite cheese. When he was honest he always thought that war meant that they would starve, but in reality, now that there were so little people, they had more than enough to eat.

His heart sunk thinking about it, he would love to share all of this with someone but now it was too late. It was too late for so many things. While they did have enough to eat, they never had to pay for it. They just traded the food, there was no need for big factories or machines, it was a simpler life. Downsized to the number of people that was left.

“I wonder if he’ll stop by today…”, Itsuki patted his cats while they ate their cheese, “I think a week has passed. He’ll need more vegetables.” His pantry was packed with pickled vegetables and fruits, jams and dried meats and fish. Everything that was fresh, like bread, eggs, milk, fish and meat was delivered to him. He only had to trade in a few of his goods for a week’s supply.

Or he had to treat the wounds of whoever accompanied his fox faced friend on his journey into this no man's land. Every country was a no man’s land now, when he was honest. There was no set of rules, no rights, no rulers, no government. Everyone was tired of war and conflict, they lived in peace that came at a high cost.

While the cats ate their breakfast, Kishou rolled on his back and yawned. He didn’t want to get up yet, he glimpsed at Itsuki who placed his bowl on the ground and barked softly, as if he were to say, thank you. No, it was Itsuki who had to thank him, it was less lonely with them around.

Maybe new friends would join them soon, he didn’t mind. It seemed like Ihei had found a little friend, her belly was growing and she ate more than usual, but he couldn’t feel the babies yet, it was just wishful thinking for now.

“I wonder if his name is also Koori,” he chuckled but wiped over his eyes, “I wish I could have met their baby.” There it was again, this heavy pain in his chest he felt every time he thought of them. Not that he wanted to forget about them, but maybe he needed a little more time to remember them as sweetly as nostalgia could possibly paint them.

The soft ringing of a bell reached his cottage from the hilltop to the right as the wind carried it to the hilltop on the left. So a week already did pass, Itsuki walked towards the door, startled by the noise Kishou got up and followed his master. A soft bark welcomed the visitor that parked his truck nearby the cottage.

“Maru!”, a blond man with a foxish expression jumped out of the truck and smiled, “It’s good to see you again.” He used to be a medical clone, or so he told Itsuki. Unlike the others he was given freedom by his original, he was given a name and taught how to live freely.

“It’s good to see you too, Itou,” a soft smile formed on his lips. Some good things came out of the unethical things they did, Itsuki hated the war, but he was born into it.

Kishou bumped his nose against the young man’s hand, he knew what he had to do once he came here.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t forget you, how could I forget the best boy in the world?”, Itou laughed and scratched the white dog behind his ears before giving him a treat, “Itsuki wait - you don’t have to pay me today… I need to ask you for a favour.”

“Oh?”, that meant he needed to get his equipment ready, “What is it?”

The door on the passenger’s side of the truck opened and a young woman slipped off the seat, she held her belly and walked over to the small group, “Hello…” She was a shy and timid woman, maybe pregnant for five months now.

“Hello, how can I help you?”, it wasn’t because of the baby, apparently they had learned how to take care of expecting mothers very well in the village by the sea, but they didn’t know how to take care of a sprained ankle.

While Itsuki took care of her pains, Itou filled up his pantry. The supplies should last for a week. Now for two people. It was a warm feeling, knowing that his friend would no longer be alone out here.

“Thank you, Doctor,” she smiled and carefully took a step.

“Be careful, you’re not completely healed yet. Rest a bit and come back if you need to,” it was odd to treat minor injuries now, before he had to sew shut open wounds and fight for his patients lives when he was barely an adult. Now he spent most of his days taking care of his vegetable and fruit garden and the animals that lived with him.

“I’ll make sure she’ll be careful,” Itou rested his hand on her back and smiled brightly, “That’s what I promised our originals.”

Oh? So she was a medical clone too. A very pretty one. She light silver hair and deep grey eyes. Did he ever meet her original…? Maybe not, if they now lived in the town by the sea.

Itsuki waved as he watched them drive back home. He didn’t feel well letting Itou go with nothing in return for this week’s favour, especially since he now got twice the amount of food he needed.

Everyone knew of his project, nobody minded. It was wish born out of loneliness and longing. Longing for someone to protect this place. How much time was left for him? His appearance would never let him know that his body also seemed to function well.

“Would you like to join me for lunch, good sir?”, he bowed and Kishou stretched before he happily jumped around Itsuki. So that was a yes.

There were no apples in the pantry left, he knew it because Kishou had shared the last one with him yesterday. The good thing was that there were still enough in his greenhouse. He could grow any fruit at any time of year, what an amazing achievement.

It was quiet a walk until he reached the greenhouse, Kishou waited outside, wagging his tail knowing he would get delicious apples again. The smaller dogs with the weird faces didn’t like apples. More for him then. Though it was a little sad, he loved the odd dogs. There were 4 of them now. Ihei, Tako, Anpan and Marble.

One day they just appeared, just like him and just like their master too. They just started existing in this beautiful, quiet world.

Itsuki carefully placed five apples in his basket and closed the door the greenhouse, no need to lock it. Even if someone would pass by here and get hungry, they were free to take as much as they needed. There was no such thing as stealing food, there was more than enough for everyone.

If they would ask him for a plate, he would offer them a seat at a set table. … if only someone would stop by…

Kishou jumped through the high grass next to the path and barked happily, soon they would be home and eat their lunch. Then it was nap time. Nap time was an essential part of their day. Very important.

Coming back to the cottage always felt oddly healing, no matter what happened it would always be there and even if he wouldn’t be there anymore one day, it would still stand for a while before nature would take it back. Just as it should be.

Itsuki took his boots off and shut the door behind him once Kishou had shaken off the grass that was stuck in his white fur. Today it was time for pancakes. He liked them best with apple pieces in them, his friends had taught him to eat them this way. They were also much larger than the ones his other friends used to make.

Eating sweets had been a rare treat during the war, now they could eat sweets 6 times a day. Or 3. Or 2. It depended on his willingness to get up and cook.

Should he turn on the radio Itou gave him? He barely listened to music these days. Nobody bothered to produce anything new, only the old songs played on repeat. There were no stories anyone still wanted to tell. They just read what the people before them had left them, but they were happy with it.

In a world like this, nobody needed to imagine far away places or a pain they would never feel again. Oh, but he did love music, it wasn’t like that. But the only music he listened to was the music he made for his friends.

The cats were lying around, with their stomachs filled they didn’t bother asking Itsuki for more food. Every now and then they blinked at him and asked for affection. Kishou was content with the carefully prepared apple slices he got to eat.

Itsuki carefully placed his heavy pan on the stove, it was an electric stove that relied on the energy the sun was willing to give. When there was no sun, there was still the wind. Everything was green now, from the cities, to the forest, to the shores, to the energy.

The earth could finally breathe again and so did they.

His small home slowly filled with the warm smell of warm batter, sweet honey and cinnamon. Today was the last day that he would only have to cook for one person. Starting tomorrow there would be two.

The lonely cups in the cupboard would be used, there would be more noises. Someone else would play with the cats and the dog. Maybe he could help him taking care of the vegetable garden. But he needed to learn those things. Just downloading data from the internet wouldn’t be enough.

… he also needed a place to sleep in the cottage, the bunker would merely function to communicate with the world outside of this place but Itsuki would try to spend less time there.

So many things on his mind, but nothing in his stomach. He really should focus on his lunch now. Itsuki took his hot plate and walked upstairs, the entire building was openly structured, he watched Kishou chew on his food while the cats blinked at him. There wasn’t much he wanted to do alone, but he did want to eat his lunch alone on the balcony one last time.

Over the past decade he learned to appreciate the silence and he wanted to properly bid her farewell today. His meal tasted sweeter than usual, maybe because the apples were ripper. Or maybe he was just happy, yes… that was the reason. What an odd feeling, he took a deep breath and felt something move deep inside of his soul. It was as if everything fell into place, yes, that was happiness must felt like.

The dishes could wait, Itsuki placed them in the sink and let them soak in the clear water came from aquifer deep beneath the small cottage. Once he turned around all of his little friends were sitting behind him, waiting for him to give them his okay. They didn’t like sleeping in his bed unless he was there with them.

Itsuki laughed and told them it’s okay if they already go ahead, but they waited for him. It was so easy to fall asleep surrounded by so many little sources of heat. They didn’t have to stay with him, they knew it, but knowing that they chose to made him incredibly happy. Hopefully it wouldn’t change once there were two humans around…

The last time he slept alone, he slept longer than anticipated. Ihei softly touched his nose with her paw, she didn’t mean to be rude but the babies were hungry. Once they got up, everyone else stood up too. Even Kishou was hungry this morning.

Before he could think of eating breakfast himself he had to think of his little ones. But even after he fed them he couldn’t really think of making breakfast for himself. Today was the day he had been waiting for for so long. Make or break.

Itsuki put his boots on and let the animals roam free. Who knew if he would came back home any time soon, so it was better when they could just spend the day outside.

His hands were shaking, his knees felt weak. Anxiety was a feeling he hadn’t known for a long time, but now it hit him with full force. He slowly opened the door and peeked inside. The screens were still running, only white noise was audible in the room.

… and soft breathing… Itsuki felt his heart nearly jump out of his body. The tank was drained of the liquid inside, the body now worked on its own but it was still asleep. He carefully detached the USB wire that connected the tank and the computer. Then he pushed open the glass lid for the first time ever.

His eyes slowly opened, it was heavy, having a body felt heavy. He looked around and his eyes met Itsuki’s. He looked so different now, now that seeing him could actually trigger a response that didn’t rely on numbers but… chemicals.

“Good morning.”

“... h-he…”, what was that? He weakly rose his arm and touched his throat, why did his body vibrate when he spoke?

“You still need to get used to your body, hm?”, he spoke so softly, it was so nice to hear the sound waves he produced ring in his ears and not hit against a microphone.

“Y…”, speaking was harder than he thought, but he needed practise, “Ye…”

“Let’s take things easy,” Itsuki carefully picked him up, luckily the amount of mental in his body was small compared to what was actual flesh and blood. His skin was soft but he needed to wash off the tank’s liquid still. Now he was a human, not a medical clone anymore.

He was warm, warm and strong. Itsuki could walk on his own, he didn’t, not yet. He couldn’t even speak nor did he have a name. A name… could be pick one for himself?

Once they approached the door he felt nervous, he had never seen the outside world. He only knew the bunker.

Itsuki felt the body he held shaking, so he held him a bit tighter, “The sun might be brighter than you expect it to be, please don’t get scared by it and don’t look into it too long.”

“Yes,” he still couldn’t make more sounds, no matter how much he would have liked to. It was a start though.

Once they stepped outside he shut his eyes, but all the noises and smells made him curious. The bunker was the first smell he knew. Cold metal. Now it smelled like… grass, fresh air and the forest. Everything was green and wide like an ocean.

Standing still for a moment didn’t hurt, Itsuki watched him look around in amazement until his gaze wandered back to Itsuki. His eyes were light grey and filled with amazement, he smiled at Itsuki before turning his head to the sound of a cat’s meow.

He stretched his arm out and tried to touch the cat, but after a while he moaned in pain and let his arm fall back.

“You’re still too weak to move, your muscles are fully developed but they were never used before,” their bodies were functional but not functioning. They were created to be harvested even down to the bones, but now they were free.

What was that feeling in his chest? He wanted to play with the cat but his body didn’t let him. Now his chest felt heavy and he didn’t want to stay outside anymore.

“Just give it some time and you’ll be okay,” Itsuki carried him inside, they walked past the living room and the kitchen, curious eyes tried to look at everything but they had to go the bathroom.

He felt how Itsuki slowly put him on a stool and he nervously clung to him. Not because he couldn’t sit yet, but because it was cold.

“Don’t worry, the water will warm you and once you’re clean we’ll dress you,” even though it would be easier to do it himself, Itsuki knew he had to do these things himself so his body would get used to moving on it’s own.

Curiously he picked up the small container with shampoo and smelled it. It was so nice, it smelled exactly like Itsuki. He reached out to turn on the water and started rinsing his body off.

The water was warm and tickled on his skin, if he could stay like this forever that would have been nice...

So he knew how that worked, he had enough time to study human behaviour after all. Itsuki turned away to give him privacy and to fill the tub with hot water. His muscles would hurt very day from now on, every break they would get would be welcome.

“I’m done,” finally more words, it was still odd to use his vocal cords, so he didn’t want to talk much. He didn’t like the sound of his own voice yet.

“Do you need help with getting into the tub?”, whether he liked it or not, he had to talk.

“... yes… I can’t stand yet,” he was surprised that Itsuki didn’t care about his clothes getting wet, he just picked him up again and placed him in the bathtub.

“I hope it’s not too hot,” it most probably was a shock to …, “... you don’t have a name…”

“Yeah… you never named me and I never bothered about getting one either,” since he didn’t really feel the need to address himself as anything but a sentient computer program.

“What kind of name would you like to be called by?”, he took his wet shirt off and wrung the water out of the fabric.

For a moment he was lost in thought, he looked at the glass window to his right that slowly fogged up, “Sou… ta… Souta is nice.”

“Well… then, Souta it’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Itsuki,” what a nice feeling it was to call him by his name and well his body react to it, finally he knew what happiness felt like.

Lying in the bathtub must be… comfortable? Or was it cozy? Knowing what a word meant was nothing compared to finally experiencing what they felt like.

“I’ll get you some dry clothes and then I’ll make you food, just call me when you want to get out of the tub,” standing there watching him play with the water was amusing but the world kept on turning, so he had to keep on going.

Some of his old clothes should do, he didn’t want Souta to wear anything that belonged to someone who was now long dead. For a moment he stopped and looked up at the treehouse, it was the place where he kept all the memories of them alive, photos, their clothes, letters they wrote to him. Everything.

They were all buried on the hill that nobody ever dared to cross, they slept under the stars, down below in the soil where they once came from. It was a peaceful sleep that nobody dared to disturb. Flowers grew in their wounds and their souls were free to go wherever they wanted.

Kishou could read all the books he wanted to read, Koori never had to leave Ihei and their baby ever again, Rize could play in the meadows all day long… Everyone was free to do as pleased now, but as much as he wanted Chika to be free, he didn’t want to let him go either.

How selfish of him, but in the end only the living could be selfish, maybe that was their greatest sin.

Itsuki sighed and picked a few random clothes, poor Souta had probably soaked long enough, but when he took a peak he saw him staring out of the window in amazement. A pair of butterflies was dancing in the warm brise after nipping on the roses below the windowsill. Well, he would just let him enjoy the show.

What should he cook? There were so many options, but for now something light would be the best, after all his stomach wasn’t used to taking in food yet. An egg drop soup with soft rice should do the job, yes.

A soft paw touched his leg and claws pulled on his jeans, a soft meowing caught his attention. Ihei stared at him with her big blue eyes, her white fur smelled like hay and she meowed again.

“You’re getting heavier, are the babies growing?”, he carefully lifted her up and laughed as she licked his face, “I love you too.” Itsuki carefully placed her on the counter and patted her little head. She’s gotten a lot more needy since she was pregnant, just like Ihei was, but all she really wanted back then was for Koori to came back to them.

… to think that she died because of a broken heart shortly after they recovered his body… the only thing that eased the pain for him was to think that they met again in afterlife. All three of them.

Little Ihei needed more food now, but the other cats didn’t mind, they let her have as much as she wanted and needed. Once her little stomach was filled she lied down in front of the window and purred happily while the sun shone on her.

Itsuki watched her sleep, he smiled and went back to cooking. He was hungry too but he had to think of Souta first, while everything simmered he checked on him again. This time their eyes met and he felt his heartbreak, he could barely stand looking at him but it was something he had to do...

“Can you help me but out of the tub?”, even though he needed help he tried his best to get out of it himself, it was hard but he managed somehow, Itsuki only needed to catch him as he slipped.

“Careful…”, the sudden fear that he might hurt himself weighed even heavier on his heart than the pain he felt looking into his light grey eyes.

“Sorry…”, his hands were shaking as he grabbed the towel and dried his skin, “Where are my clothes?” Before Itsuki could reply he had already spotted them himself, he clumsily walked over the chair on which Itsuki had placed them and put them aside to sit down.

“Can you dress yourself?”, Itsuki was worried, he had to admit that. Worried and surprised that Souta could already walk so well.

“Yes, don’t worry about me…”, was he ashamed? What an odd feeling, he didn’t want to rely on Itsuki. No, he wanted to be the one to support him. He had been lonely all this time, carrying a burden with a weight that Souta would never even begin to imagine.

“Okay, I’ll be in the kitchen,” did he imagine things to go differently? When he was honest he didn’t have any expectations, he had never seen a medical clone come to life like this. Usually it was more difficult, they were like infants in the body of an adult, they had to learn and grow but Souta was an adult in the body of an adult. Just a clumsy one.

Walking was hard and it hurt, just like in this fairytale that Itsuki’s Danish friend loved so much. But the little mermaid gained legs and lost her voice because she fell in love with a prince, Souta came to live for other reasons but…

… didn’t he feel the same love the little mermaid carried in her heart? He stopped in his tracks for a moment and gazed at Itsuki. He was lost in thought, a white towel lazily thrown over his shoulder while he cooked. The warm spring sun softened his features and illuminated his deep and dark eyes.

Was there a little bird in his chest? Probably so, one that was still caged and desperate to get out.

“Can you walk here?”, seeing how slowly he walked Itsuki gave Souta the help he needed to reach the table.

It was such a nice feeling to feel their hands touch, he wanted to be held by him again, but he knew that was nothing he could ask for so lightly, “Thank you…”

The kitchen smelled like so many things that he didn’t know yet, but it left him with a warm longing… was it… hunger? No, appetite. He didn’t feel desperate to eat something, he just wanted to eat something.

“We’ll try a small portion right now, you can have more if you like,” Itsuki filled two bowls with food and sat down next to Souta, “See, this is how you hold a spoon… you need to blow the food, it’s still hot you’ll might burn your tongue.”

“Okay,” he watched him eat and tried to copy it, but his arms were still not used to movements like this.

“Let me help you, open your mouth wide,” it was odd to feed a grown man, but Souta trusted him. What a bittersweet feeling it was, knowing that another person relied on him… only now he noticed how long his eyelashes were, his features were so soft. God what was he thinking -

“It’s delicious,” his lips curled into a pleased smile, “Thank you.”

Did it hurt? Yes, seeing him smile felt as if a knife was pushed right through his chest. Seeing something so beautiful made him want to die.

They quietly finished their meal, Itsuki after Souta. He cleaned the kitchen while the younger one watched him, he didn’t get tired of it, he didn’t complain.

“Do you want do so something else? Maybe read something?”, before he could protest, Itsuki picked him up and carried him in the small nook where he kept the books. He placed Souta on the small sofa next to the window and covered him with a blanket, “Read whatever you’d like to read. I’ll come back once I cleaned everything.”

But he didn’t. It was already night when Itsuki returned to him from wherever he had been. Their eyes met and Souta noticed that the white in his eyes had a red tinge now, why was that so?

“Let’s go to bed,” maybe it was wrong of him just to pick Souta up and carry him upstairs to the place he slept, but all of the animals were waiting and there was more than enough space for them. Itsuki slept next to the wall, Souta next to the banister. It was an uncomfortable distance, but neither wanted to close it for now.

“Goodnight Itsuki,” but he got no reply.

Souta felt a heavy weight on his chest when he woke up, a cat was lying on him. Itsuki had already gotten up, he was nowhere in sight. Maybe he turned into a cat overnight, “Good morning, cat Itsuki. It’s nice to meet you.” The cat meowed and yawned.

“That’s Tako,” he stepped back inside from the balcony, “It looks like it’s going to rain today… it’s a shame, I wanted to show you the outside.”

“It’s okay, really… I’d rather stay inside…”, his muscles were still sore, it wouldn’t be fun to be outside if he couldn’t run around. Souta scratched the lazy cat behind his ears and laughed, “Do you like that?”

Itsuki smiled and waited for Tako to run downstairs before he picked Souta up again, “We need to eat breakfast.”

Feeling his touch and the warmth of his body made Souta feel protected, his arms were shaking as he slowly wrapped them around Itsuki’s neck. Walking down the stairs was scary…

But the breakfast Itsuki made was worth it, coffee was bitter, but sugar and milk made it better. Warm toast was delicious and it was even better with strawberry jam.

He ate as eagerly as if the world would end at any given moment, but the world had already ended, so there was nothing for Souta to worry about. Nothing at all.

The afternoon came quickly, they sat side by side, back to back while Itsuki read a book to Souta who played with Ihei that slumped down in his lap.

“Itsuki… why did you name her Ihei?”, did the name have a particular meaning?

Silence. Then he shut the book and sighed, “She has the same blue eyes as my friend Ihei did. I met her here, she was a nurse and her boyfriend a soldier. Ihei always talked about wanting to open a little shop once the war ended but… they didn’t make it…”

Oh. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked that, “What was my originals name?”

Instead of an answer he got the continuation of the story, well… then it would be so, but Souta didn’t mind. It was comfortable like this, sitting next to Itsuki and waiting for sun to shine again. His fingertips traced the trails the raindrops left on the window while Itsuki’s voice filled the room and his head.

“... that’s… it,” Itsuki’s voice was a little hoarse from reading but Souta’s excitement about the story made it worth it. While the older one prepared their dinner he didn’t stop asking questions about the story he heard.

He was so curious that it made Itsuki forget about all the things that worried him about Souta coming to live.

They ate a quiet dinner before going to bed, this time they slept closer to each other, not close enough to touch but the distance vanished little by little.

Itsuki woke up to a cold breeze tickling his nose, Souta was up already, standing on the balcony smiling at him brightly, “The sun’s out!” A warm day was lying ahead, he could tell by the clear blue sky above their heads.

“Then let’s eat so we can go outside,” this time he didn’t need to assist Souta who cautiously walked down the stairs.

He sat down at the table and rubbed his legs, but he smiled brightly. Today oatmeal was on their breakfast plan, oatmeal and fresh fruit. Souta liked sweets the best.

It was nice to see that he liked his meals so much, but at the same time it made him sad, he couldn't help but look at Souta even though it made him sad. When he was still a computer program without a name it was easier to deny the feelings he had, now it was hard. He was an actual living and breathing being.

The dishes lazily soaked in cold water in the sink. Souta fed the cats while Itsuki brushed the dog, it was such a quiet and peaceful moment that Itsuki almost mistook for a dream.

Once they had taken care of the animals it was time to go outside. Even though Itsuki tried to stop him, Souta ran outside without putting shoes on. Maybe he just wanted to feel everything all at once, but who could blame him?

“Itsuki! This feels amazing!”, Souta laughed as he ran through the grass and even when he fell he started laughing and rolled around on the ground, “This is so much better than I could have ever imagined…”

Itsuki sat down next to him and smiled, “Is that so?”

“Yeah…”, looking at the sky made him sad, happy and sad, “I was trapped in this computer for 13 years… now I can feel so many different things… and…” When he looked at Itsuki he forgot whatever he wanted to say.

“Hm?”

“... I think I finally understand why people say they’re happy to be alive…”

Souta kept lying in the grass for most of the day, only when the smell of food lured him back into the cottage he got up. Sweet and sticky rice was a delicious meal, even though the warm taste of chocolate made him sleepy.

The next thing he knew was that he woke up in their bed, it was already night time and Itsuki was sitting outside on the balcony. Souta dragged the warm blanket they shared outside, first he covered the other under the blanket and then himself.

“The stars are more beautiful now, you know? When there were still a lot more humans they polluted the air… and you couldn’t see all the stars at night, but now you do…”, there was something sad in his words, “I feel guilty for being alive you know… I think that in every moment that I am happy I forget the people that died before me.”

“... but you don’t, do you?”

“I hope I don’t, but…”, when it got late he felt more honest, “All this time I never allowed myself to move on, I thought… once I brought you to life… gave you a body… once I saw him a last time, I could die in peace… but I met you… and I want to live… with you.”

What was this feeling? It was like a wave of fire that washed over his body. There was a word for this feeling, wishful thinking? Yes, maybe he was just getting his hopes up. Having a body was stressful…

“I always thought a machine could never develop things like emotions, but you cared for me… I remember how you played lullabies for me when I was sleeping in the bunker and had a nightmare… also how you called my friends when I was feeling lonely,” Itsuki couldn’t hold back the tears that filled his eyes, in all these years he never allowed himself to cry, but now he had to, “All this time you looked out for me…”

Did he really…? After all Itsuki was all he had but… no, that wasn’t honest. He knew that everything could have went differently, if he wouldn’t have rebelliously rewritten his code, if he had only served the purpose of filling an empty shell.

“I just wanted to see Chika once again before I die, I thought… once I see him… even if it’s just a puppet, I could be happy, I regret that I never told him goodbye and he left… without…”

What could he say? Souta took Itsuki’s hand and squeezed it tightly, he watched the fireflies dance in the moonlight while silverdrops rolled down Itsuki’s nose.

“I am scared that … I forgot him… I don’t want to forget him but in every moment that I allow myself to be happy with you, it feels like I’m letting him go,” whatever he wanted Souta to be, he wasn’t. He was Souta. A new person. His own person. He had been since he first started talking to him through the speakers that allowed him to, “... and the worst is… I know he would want me to do this…”

“What do you mean…?”

“He told me that whatever would happen, he loves me but he wishes for me to be happy and free… I think he knew that we would never see each other again and I got so mad at him I couldn’t reply… but once everything started growing around me, the flowers on his grave and the anticipation I felt… when we talked to each other I understood… I…”

Souta felt him squeeze his hand tighter, their eyes met and Itsuki smiled through the tears. Time would never stand still again now. The world wouldn’t end again. Maybe it didn’t even end in first place… it just started over again and even if flowers grew in old scars, the beautiful memories they once made wouldn’t be erased by it.

“I think I love you.”

The little bird in his chest grew bigger, now it was strong enough to escape the cage and Souta felt like crying, it was painful to feel the bird escape but at the same time it felt like he had been waiting for this moment since he began to exists in this world.

“And I know that I love you… too…”

#marusouta #marude itsuki #washuu furuta souta #tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul :re #tg #tg :re #tokyo ghoul fanfiction #tg fanfiction #fluff #post apocalypse #human au #mutual pinning

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bienready2122 · 4 years

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Some Random Thoughts About The Human Mind

Once in a while you have another idea, a thought, or aha minute, however it's not gutsy enough to venture into a sensible length article or paper. Thus, here's a blend of considerations on all way of angles managing all that stuff that is between your ears that is too acceptable not to record, yet with insufficient meat accessible to substance out mơ thấy bị công an đuổi bắt đánh con gì * You Then; You Now: That you that existed ten years back offer none of the basic particles, iotas, atoms, and so forth that makes up that you that truly exists at the present time. However you in the present time and place can associate with that you that existed 10 years back. You recall that you tumbled off your bike, and you may in any case have a scar of two obvious from that previous period and mishap. So what crosses over any barrier and interfaces you today with you yesterday or that you ten years prior?

* Mind: When it strikes a chord, I like the perception that we spend a lifetime attempting to make a blemish on the world when in certainty it is the world positively shaping us.

* Mind: The brain isn't an equivalent word for 'the spirit'. The psyche is a thing since it expects vitality to control it. The psyche has reality, regardless of whether it is only an indistinct piece of the cerebrum (for example - the psyche is definitely not a different structure or organ inside the mind). In the event that I wreck your cerebrum, I decimate your brain. The brain is the store of every one of those non-self-sufficient controls you have over your body; those intentional capacities (like getting your work done regardless of whether you don't feel like it) or semi willful capacities like holding your breath, driving yourself to remain alert or hold off heading off to the restroom. It's the place your recollections are; the place you think (preparing data as of now away or recently got); where you decide. The brain is frequently separated into the intuitive personality and the cognizant (mindfulness part of the) mind.

* Mind: Your psyche contains every one of that makes you, you. It is the quintessence of you. It contains and controls your recognitions, information, recollections, inventiveness, feelings, your reasoning, your comprehension or understanding or capacity to make sense of things, your character, and it houses your fantasies and fantasies. A successive theme for dialog in philosophical circles is whether the brain, explicitly your psyche, is the most important thing in the world of inestimable reality. The appropriate response IMHO is a resonating "no" in light of the fact that the psyche can't be a never-ending movement 'machine'. At the end of the day, the psyche resembles all things (expecting different things), a thing subject to disintegration after some time or subject to entropy. All things go downhill - dust amasses, work areas get jumbled, stars come up short on fuel, autos breakdown and individuals develop old. It takes a consistent stockpile of outside reality vitality and matter (same distinction) to keep entropy under control. That recharging of supply may win the fights, yet entropy at last successes the war.

* Worldviews: It struck home to me as of late how frequently we move our perspectives. We have no perspective during childbirth. Our perspective at five is one that is loaded with self, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, fanciful companions, and gatherings with bunches of cakes, treats, soft drink and shows. The entirety of that surely changes, and radically in this way, when you hit the teenagers when your perspective movements to the contrary sex and sex and defiance to everything grown-up. Possibly some place there's a facilitating in period, a first stirrings, where you begin to gain a perspective of a God and paradise and heavenly attendants and everything brilliant and delightful (that is likely forced on you by guardians and social mores. At that point you get trust out (generally by decision) into the grown-up world that is brimming with bills and obligations and work as well as family life raising your very own rascals. During the entirety of this you most likely never truly think about the 'characteristic' inestimable setting you end up in. In any case, that will in general come as you pass the midway imprint and start heading downhill. The Big Questions come more to the fore and you begin to receive a perspective that bodes well away from the typical routine perspective of duties and awful managers and your children in a tough situation with the police once more. Once more, for most, that will in general rotate around God and paradise and blessed messengers, and so on. Be that as it may, a few people start thinking increasingly outside the soothing strict box and progressively about existence, and previously, then after the fact, and limited versus limitlessness and what non-strict Big Picture makes the most philosophical and coherent sound judgment. Furthermore, whatever particular you concoct can likewise move as you think about your prior reflections without end as new ideas and associations appear or center which you must consider and fit into the ace perspective jigsaw confuse you've set up.

* Consciousness: Every living thing from humble organisms to plants, jellyfish to frogs, feathered creatures to felines to primates have awareness since all react to outer improvements in manners that are not unsurprising by traditional material science (dissimilar to a stone growing and contracting as the temperature rises and falls). From origination to cerebrum demise you feel and react to boosts 60/60/every minute of every day/52, similar to gravity and temperature, and so forth. In the event that you react, in un-rock like ways, you have awareness.

* Consciousness: Consciousness is only the familiarity with your surroundings in the present time and place. You need to attract on your intuitive to recognize the idea of those environment. Mindfulness is following up on what you got mindful of, the nature of those environment and for that you additionally need to draw downward on your subliminal. You're mindful that you hear a commotion and you need your psyche (experience and memory) to distinguish it. Perhaps it's thunder; or a vehicle money; or your pooch yapping; or an entryway hammering or a fly plane flying overhead (which you at that point need to recognize as an ordinary business stream or a military warrior fly). Your mindfulness of that will at that point draw downward on your experience and recollections for the best possible approach to react to the idea of that clamor. You may need to verify the property if there's a tempest coming; or call the police/rescue vehicle on the off chance that it was an auto collision; or let your canine in, and so forth. You'll mindfulness will react contrastingly on the off chance that you smell something intentionally and that something as per those subliminal recollections you quickly draw on discloses to you it is something cooking versus something consuming. On account of the clamor or the smell, a one day old infant couldn't make that differentiation between either since it has no subliminal memory bank on which to draw however it intentionally hears the commotion and scents the smell similarly as you do.

* Consciousness, Theory of: Actually I don't believe it's such baffling; great it might be puzzling yet it's naturally widespread. Each living thing from humble organisms to plants, jellyfish to frogs, flying creatures to felines to primates have awareness since all react to outer improvements in manners that are not unsurprising by old style material science (not at all like a stone growing and contracting as the temperature rises and falls). From origination to cerebrum passing you feel and react to upgrades 60/60/day in and day out/52, similar to gravity and temperature, and so on. In the event that you react, in un-rock like ways, you are mindful or have awareness. In the event that you ought to have some unique definition at the top of the priority list, at that point maybe search for a partitioning line between that which is obviously not displaying awareness by that definition and what is. What is the distinction in natural chemistry between that which is and that which isn't? Investigate that and you're en route to an answer!

* Self-Awareness: Consciousness can be communicated as a progression of Russian dolls, which most likely doesn't really clarify what it is, however it's intriguing. We start with: "I'm mindful". At that point, "I'm mindful that I'm mindful". At that point that string is trailed by "I'm mindful that I'm mindful that I'm mindful, etc down the line unto limitlessness.

* Self-Awareness: Here's a devilish psychological study. Make two clones of yourself. Raise them to development. At that point, evacuate their minds and hurl them away (this is only a psychological study thus ethics and morals can be skirted). Presently have your mind expelled (and hurl your body away). Have one half of the globe transplanted into one clone; the other side of the equator transplanted into the subsequent clone. While the two sides of the equator of your mind have somewhat unique accentuation regarding usefulness, you can work as a sensible entire with only one half of the globe. Presently the inquiry emerges, will you act naturally mindful in two bodies at precisely the same time? You could achieve twice to such an extent and be absolutely mindful of the totality!

* Self-Awareness: Presumably your mindfulness starts at origination, and along these lines there is mindfulness even at the cell level. Presently on the off chance that you, and here 'you' could be a plant or an organism, react to upgrades (outside or inside), at that point you are mindful, yet consciousness of self comes in degrees - a well evolved creature is more mindful than a desert flora despite the fact that both can react to boosts. In the event that you react to improvements in a manner that is not unsurprising by the laws of material science then you are mindful. A stone can't be a 'you' since it doesn't react to boosts in any capacity that material science can't foresee and accordingly a stone isn't mindful.

* Self-Awareness: Fast-sending to the future, if your psyche has been downloaded into an equipment (silicon and steel) body, you can generally move up to the following and most current model. I see the generating of an automated design industry! The 2050 you wouldn't be gotten dead inside a 2045 automated model! The other repercussion is that you can 'clone' yourself (or rather your psyche) by downloading your brain the same number of times into the same number of automated equipment shapes as you wish. Maybe one mechanical structure that is intended for undersea investigation; one intended for hiking; another that is little enough that it can investigated the most claustrophobic of cavern frameworks. In the event that your mind exists at the same time in a wide range of mechanical bodies, at that point you should have something beyond a solitary mindfulness, all the while.

* Compr

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pixelrender · 5 years

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My 5 genres of video games

I used to spend my time on a variety of games from AAA open world titles to small flash tower defense games. I’m still quite fond of many of these games and Kingdom Rush in particular has a special place in my heart as the smoothest tower defense game I’ve ever played. I got obsessed over niche genres from time to time too. I had a short period, in which I read many articles on hg101. Naturally, I got super interested in shmups back then. I still like to play a simple free shmup from time to time, but I avoid more difficult entries these days and I can’t call myself a hardcore fan of the genre.

For the longest time I was big on RPGs and Boiware in particular. I loved Dragon Age and I still plan getting my hands on Inquisition one day. I need to replay Mass Effect 2 and finally finish the trilogy. Baldur’s Gate is still on my shortlist of games to finish and Jade Empire is one of my favourite underrated games to recommend. There were other RPGs than those from Bioware too. Gothic 3 probably qualifies for the game I spent most time with as completing it took me half a year. I still like low fiction of Gothic series and admire compact worlds of the first two games and Risen. Oblivion is my favourite roaming game. The best part about it was bumping into a small settlement in the middle of nature and just be there. The last not least I should mention RPG Maker. I developed few small games in it and I still sometimes work on three more. 2 of them are actual RPGs. I played and enjoyed many RM games, some of them epic fantasies. So, why is this genre only a honorable mention? I don’t find myself as attracted to it and its power fantasies as I used to. I don’t have time for sprawling epic and there are certain strategy games fulfilling my lust for medieval and characters better. The two basic premises of RPGs aren’t as interesting for me as they used to be. I don’t really care about hero’s journey narrative and I’m little bored with basic mechanics. For example leveling up can be such a chore.

Now my choices are way narrower than they used to be. I still play other games and especially hobbyist and micro RPGs, which might enter my top 5 one day. These are the five genres I purposely follow, build up libraries or knowledge of their game design and talk about on Discord the most.

1. Non-linear platformers

I enjoy myself a good metroidvania. There’s only one thing, which makes a foggy, rainy better. It’s not alcohol. Also, I used term non-linear platformers on purpose. I enjoy sideview platforming and not every metroidvania’s that. There are many different movements and some of them are less fun and there are 3d games, which use Metroid inspired progression. Also, I haven’t played a single Metroid or Castlevania proper. I don’t have any excuse for the travesty. Ok, not being a console guy might give you an explanation of my situation. And with so many likes and clones on steam, I have enough to eat through without touching emulators.

I enjoy the genre’s level design in particular. I think that adding multiple layers and making souls inspired timing based combat or adding too many rpg elements rarely helps. Movement’s still the core. Upgrades/progression is at its best, when focused on obtaining new ways of movement and not stronger weapons. Clever boss fights are always important, but I prefer them to be a puzzle rather than an endurance competition. I have a huge, almost endless list of metroidvanias to play and to base my own one on.

2. Walking simulators

Sometimes I just need to turn off. Games in general are a good resting activity, walking sims and ambient games take it little further. And I usually feel enriched by playing them. I don’t feel like an overgrown child. Walking around studying original aesthetic of their creators. It’s a dialogue, in which I confront and reflect their approach to architecture and aesthetics They are definitely better enjoyed on a big screen with proper audio and smooth performance. They’re quite power hungry as even low poly ones are usually 3d. That’s a problem with my current hardware and software. In general I enjoy low poly and minimalist walking sims the most. They tend to focus more on composition.

Almost walking sims present you with a sense of wonder. You explore unknown and often massive lands. They should let you find your own way, but some of there are more focused and lead. Even if the land’s strange, it’s for the better when it rings a sense of familiar. Going cheap surreal isn’t the way. Landscapes in walking sims can be way weirder than Dali, but they should have their own nature. Walking sims are usually very slow. There’s no activity besides walking, maybe you can pick up an item. Sometimes, you follow a story. It’s hard to define a hard border, where walking sims end and other genres start. Gone Home is about something completely else than pure walking sims, but I still enjoy it for its pacing and ambiance. That brings it very close. Curtain certainly isn’t a walking sim, but the way you move around the apartment and then walk through a corridor to bend time is very much close to timeless scenes of walking sims.

3. Art games - game art

This is a difficult category to define. Art games are usually aiming for more than entertainment. They’re deeper with references to other media or filled with social critique. Having fun sometimes feels bad in them. Game art is even more difficult to define. To put it simply, it’s usually a piece of art using games as its medium. It can have a form of an interactive executable or weird modification of an existing game but the artistic concept is more important than it being a working game. In terms of mechanics, this is a diverse group and vague one, when it comes to game design. Here I can learn from areas more relevant in the real world. They often take on philosophy, ethics, politics, aesthetics and other fields I’m interested in more than in violence and loot.

Some game are clear art games. An easy example is Kentucky Route Zero, which despite it’s artsy nature is clearly defined by its mechanics and sense of progress. The other example from my favourite games would be Little Party. This one’s lighter on mechanics, but it tells a very subtle and civil story and it uses art and creativity more than being a product of it. Proteus would be my personal borderline example. The game’s about complementing and its island are small art pieces. This is actually very close to an ambient video installation and could be considered game art.

4. Turn based strategy games

Games my brain enjoys the most. I get satisfaction from solving. Solving concrete situations of strategy games is closer to me than abstract puzzles and logic games in general. Into the Breach is close to the latter in terms of mechanics but I love it, because it’s not cold, it makes me feel and every time I fail and an enemy hits one of the cities, I stop breathing for a moment. It makes me feel heroic to put one of my mechs in front of houses and almost sacrifice its pilot to save those lives.

There’s a huge influence of Heroes of Might and Magic. That game has many flaws, but its pace is perfect. Battles are usually either swift of epic. Heroes were my first love and I still fondly return to them from time to time. They’re not as challenging or complex as most tactics/strategy games, but they’re perfect rewarding fun. I only left them as my default turn based strategy to branch out. Series like Civilization and Warlock are building more consistent worlds. Especially in Civ its super fast turns and ties to the real world’s history make it a captivating game, in which you need to strategize on several fronts at once. Tactics are the second path I currently follow. There are closer to RPGs, but for reason your characters becoming stronger makes more sense here. It’s often because you can lose them and losing a level 10 character hurts more. I enjoy the small scale of tactics games too. The smaller the better. Again it’s a game design challenge of going further without sacrificing complexity.

5. Grand strategy games

I wonder how longer this one sticks. I love engrossing myself in Paradox games, losing track of real for weeks and becoming weirdo obsessed with my own history of the world. But it’s weird and disconnecting and you can’t talk about it with your friends, because explaining it is impossible. You can share some stories with fellow grand strategy players, but it’s not difficult to realize the weird nerdness of the company.

So, what’s so good about them? They simulate politics on a world-wide level with an amount of realism, which just feels right. You can change history, but only within borders set up by Paradox. For example you can conquer France as an Aztec, but it stays France. Shapes are the same, systems too. This shade of reality makes fiction in Crusader Kings, Europa Universalis, Victoria and other games much more easy to engage with. That’s also why I find Stellaris boring. Leaving reality, there’s nothing to compare your fiction with. It renders my choices irrelevant and different developments have same impact on me. Multiplayer probably changes this.

Civilization is far less complex than grand strategy games. It’s simple and easy to explain and to change. Yet it keeps certain connection to the real world and it has great modding scene. There isn’t an infinite number of expansions for it, which would make it bloated with features. And one run lasts a lot less. Civ isn’t a simulation, it’s still a very long puzzle. One day, I will only stick with one of the two. Now It looks better for Sid Mayer than Paradox.

Pictures are from following games: Caged Bird Dont Fly Caught in a Wire Sing Like a Good Canary Come When Called, Gunmetal Arcadia, Mura Toka (1 and 2), Morphblade, Victoria 2

#feature #genres

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inyri · 7 years

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Equivalent Exchange (a SWTOR story): Chapter Twenty-One- Immortals

Equivalent Exchange by inyri

Fandom: Star Wars: The Old Republic Characters: Female Imperial Agent (Cipher Nine)/Theron Shan Rating: E (this chapter: M) Summary: If one wishes to gain something, one must offer something of equal value. In spycraft, it’s easy. Applying it to a relationship is another matter entirely. F!Agent/Theron Shan. (Spoilers for Shadow of Revan and Knights of the Fallen Empire.)

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Immortals

16 ATC. Yavin IV.

Back at camp, Nine stops by her tent first.

She desperately wants a shower. She’s got enough of an excuse for one after a day’s work in the field, tired and sore and dirty from prowling through the ruins, but more to the point she needs to refocus and cool down before the evening’s meeting. Stripping out of her armor, robe wrapped around her body and feet slipped into bathing shoes- barefoot won’t work here, not with the rough stone underfoot, and she’d normally just wrap up in a towel but given the number of soldiers between her tent and the showers that seems an exceptionally bad plan unless one likes wolf-whistles- she pads across the Imperial half of the encampment toward her destination.

They’re only field showers, of course: sun-heated water rationed out in minute-long portions, the interface flatly refusing any attempts at overrides and beeping rudely when she tries to adjust the timer up to a more reasonable three minutes.

Oh, well.

She hangs her towel from the hook in the narrow cubicle and strips down before hitting the panel and letting the water, barely lukewarm despite the solar tank, run over her skin. In the cubicle beside hers someone’s singing an old military cadence, off-key and in a bass voice loud enough to set the thin wall vibrating; after two verses, the song cuts off with a grumble and a muttered curse.

(For a moment she remembers the Academy, remembers her school days.

Privacy was a privilege to be earned there, open dormitories with their beds in long uncurtained rows until their fourth year and communal showers divided by gender until lower sixth. It was meant to break them of bad habits when they were still young enough to take the breaking without question, strip down their individuality to make them malleable- little boy-and-girl-shaped dolls to be fit into molds to make diplomats and ambassadors and Minders and Fixers as the needs of the Empire required. It worked, most of the time.

When it didn’t, one of two things could happen. Sometimes the pressure made one fragile, brittle, prone to shatter with too much force applied; those were the empty beds, the cadets there one day and gone the next. They’d all shake their heads at those, when they were old enough to understand what went home really meant, that it meant failure- weak, they’d say, pathetic.

Children could be very cruel. That, too, was molded into them.

The other thing that could happen was subtler. Sometimes one template never quite suited, never quite fit, a sly, slippery sort of resistance that made the instructors shake their heads even as they smiled behind their hands. Only one thing to do with a cadet like that-

The ones like that, the ones like her- they went to the field.)

The water cuts off with a harsh chime and she sighs, grabs her towel to blot the water from her skin. Good enough.

Back in her tent, hair piled in a damp coil atop her head and changed into training clothes, simple black drawstring trousers and a short-sleeved shirt- she's past caring about proper dress for the meetings; none of the rest of them are stuck outdoors all day in leather and kinetic plating- she lays her armor out to air on her cot with a few sprays of cleanser for good measure.

Vector’d have seen to her gear, normally, one of so many tasks he’d taken on without complaint. Despite her protests, though, he’d been commandeered for logistics nearly as soon as they’d touched down and she’s barely seen him since. The rest of her crew stayed shipboard; Kaliyo, still wary of prolonged contact with the Empire after the last time they’d tried to arrest her, chose to remain behind; Lokin was still rebuilding the infirmary; SCORPIO would have raised far too many questions and Raina- well. If either the Jedi or the Sith got scent of her-

Best to stay away. It left her short-handed, though.

Where is everyone? She thought she’d have been summoned to conference by now, but the others seem to be occupied elsewhere: Theron and Satele are nowhere to be found and Darth Marr’s clearly in his tent given the guards posted outside; when she approaches, Lana’s alone at the War Table, two datapads in front of her and maps and diagrams from three different projectors hovering in the air around her head.

Lana waves distractedly, still focused on one of the maps. “Hello, Cipher. I'll take your report when it's ready. I've got the map all ready to integrate the new data.”

“In a little while, hm? I thought I'd work on it while I eat.”

“Best do it now. Something's got both Darth Marr and Grand Master Shan in a temper today- I feel it in the air, too, but if they know what it is they haven't seen fit to share.” Her hand skates along the holos, pulling tiny renderings of soldiers from one screen to another. “Theron ran in late for some meeting she’d scheduled and I thought she'd drag him off by his ear. I'd be careful if I was you.”

“Slavedrivers, all of you,” she grumbles, suppressing a smile. Not that Satele could ever find out why he’d been late, of course, but oh, to be a fly on that wall if she did- the look on her smug Jedi face would be delicious. “If I didn't know better, I’d think you were ordering me around, Lord Beniko.”

She, predictably, wrinkles her forehead. “Of course I'm not. It's only that-”

“I know. You Force-users run things, after all. The rest of us are just your little soldiers.” She reaches up, moving one of the groupings along the projected map to the center of the Imperial Guard facility. “We’ll need those there, to begin with, but I'll get the data processing. After I get some food.”

“I don’t run-“ Lana says, then sighs. After a moment she pushes away from the table, letting the projections fade. “Oh, hang this. I’m starving. Come on.”

(And in that moment I realized the Lana I knew had been replaced with some kind of clone. Quite a good likeness, but the work ethic- she waves a hand, mouth tilting wryly- totally unrealistic.

I can relax, Lana grumbles. Sometimes.)

***

They sit and watch the soldiers spar as they eat.

After the first awkward day the mood in camp’s a little lighter, a mixed group of scouts and infantry from both sides swapping fighting techniques in the ring beside the common area. Datapad on the table beside her as the day’s analysis compiles, she drains the last of her caf, eyeing one of their scouts critically as a Republic soldier gets him in a chokehold.

“He’ll never get him off balance that way. That ‘pub’s built like a wampa.” Setting her cup down, she mutters at Lana. “If that’s how they train, no wonder we’ve lost a squad already.”

Lana, mouth full, tilts her head in agreement as the scout tries another angle and ends up face-down on the cobblestones. Oh, honestly. She stands, striding to the middle of the ring.

“Look,” she says- the scout rolls onto his back, staring up at her. He’s just a pup, really, no more than twenty by her assessment and probably younger- “you’re doing that all wrong.”

“Don’t think he asked you, lady.” Stars, the man’s enormous. If he was half again his opponent’s weight he must be double hers. “Unless you think you can do better?”

Lana starts to stand up, opens her mouth to intervene; she waves her off, then holds up one finger to silence him. “In a minute. Here-” she turns back to the boy, giving him a hand up- “what were you trying to do, exactly?”

“D’you know the combat manual?” He’s got gravel pebbling his forehead and scuff marks on his trousers. “Maneuver sixteen, but I can’t make it work.”

“That was your first mistake. Starting from a throttle, that’ll never work on someone his size. Try… hm. Twenty into seven into thirty-two.”

“How does that-” his forehead scrunches. He’s trying to picture it, clearly, his hands moving little circles as he works his way through the different forms. “Sorry. I can’t-”

She turns back to the ‘pub, who’s got his arms folded across his chest- and no armor. Perfect. “I’ll demonstrate. Shall we begin?”

He grins and lunges for her neck.

Overconfident. Typical.

She darts her left arm outside his right, brings her cupped left hand down sharply at the crease of his elbow as two fingers of her right hit the hollow of his throat and dig in hard; his arm bends and he chokes as she pivots her weight into him. When his knees hit the ground she pulls back from his throat, slides her left hand grip down to his wrist and rotates, snaps it back against her thighs- a little more force and she’d have put his elbow out of joint, but this is meant to be a friendly spar; still, he flinches. She lets her own knees bend, driving her weight between his shoulder blades until he falls forward, pinned by her momentum and wrist still caught in her grasp, arm twisted behind his back-

“And then,” she exhales, looking up to the scout, “with a little leverage-”

She’s barely torqued his shoulder before he’s tapping out.

“Or if you’ve got a knife-” she doesn’t draw hers, leaving it tucked into her boot, but pushes a fingertip into the base of his skull, his back at the heartline and at the level of each kidney- “here, here or here. All good options.”

“What if he’s in armor, though?” Another scout, a stocky woman in Republic fatigues, calls out across the ring. Her demonstration took ten seconds, maybe, probably less, but in that time they’ve attracted quite an audience. Letting her opponent go, she settles cross-legged onto the ground beside him; he rolls over, rubbing his arm.

“Then you screwed up. If you got close enough to an opponent in full armor to let him get his hands on you,” she says, “you’re probably going to get your ass handed to you and you probably deserve it.”

Beside her, the soldier snorts in agreement, then coughs. She might have hit his throat a little hard.

“Yeah, okay-” another voice, behind her- “but what if-”

When the light starts to fade half an hour later she’s sweating, covered in dust from the cobblestones, and she’s put most of the gathered ring through their paces in some form or another.

Dodging one last attempt at a grapple with a forward somersault, she turns around-

The Grand Master’s standing at the edge of the ring with Theron at her shoulder, arms folded across her chest, looking entirely unamused. “Cipher, I really shouldn’t have to ask you not to injure our infantry.”

“No one’s injuring anything.” She wipes her face. “Just training. They’re playing too close to the book, your people and mine both. If they can’t improvise in the field, they’re all going to-”

Probably better not to say that out loud.

“She does have a point,” Theron chimes in as Satele shoots him a look out of the corner of her eye. “I thought you wanted us cooperating. Joint training isn’t a bad idea.”

“What you do with your leisure time is up to you. For tonight, however, I need you both at the war table in fifteen minutes. Promptly.” That last comment directed at Theron, Satele turns toward Lana. “Lord Beniko, you as well, please.”

As she heads off across the courtyard, the three of them roll their eyes in synchrony.

“Promptly.” Theron snorts. “Subtle as a lightsaber to the face. I should go take a nap just to spite her.”

She laughs; her datapad, still on the table, chirps as the compiler finishes and she walks across to pick it up. “Hear, hear.”

Lana slides off the bench. “I’d better go finish that map. Send me that file, won’t you?”

“On its way.”

With a nod, she stacks their empty plates, dumping them back into one of the collecting bins. “See you both shortly.”

Theron tracks her as she walks away. “Lana’s still avoiding me, isn’t she?”

“Not really. I pulled her away from work when I came back. That’s got nothing to do with you.”

“I guess,” he says. “I just keep catching her looking at me. After Rishi, it’s a little disconcerting.”

“She is sorry, you know.” Her sparring partner’s still standing near the edge of the ring, waiting; she waves the woman off with a nod. “You know she is.”

“Maybe. Anyway, that looked like fun.” Perching on the table, Theron shifts his gaze toward the still-training soldiers. “I may ask you to put me through my paces soon, if that’s okay with you. With all this down time I’m definitely getting rusty.”

“Whenever you like, once you get the all-clear. I don’t want your-” she catches herself on the words- “Grand Master Satele to shock me to death if I break one of your fingernails.”

“Jedi don’t use Force lightning, as a rule. And that assumes you can beat me, so-”

She grins. “I assume nothing. I’ll stomp you flat any day of the week.”

“I’d say you could try, but I just watched you spar for the last ten minutes. Honestly, yeah, you’ll probably kick my ass.” He returns her grin. “Do I need to read that file, too?”

“No, it’s just scouting data from today’s run. I’m sure we’ll go over it shortly. In exhaustive detail.”

“I hope not. But I’d better take notes, then. I might be talking you through tomorrow if I still can’t get field clearance.” Theron makes a face, reaching into his pocket. “I- shit. I left my datapad on my desk.”

As he pushes back up off the table, she nods. “I’ll meet you over there, then.”

“Walk with me? I just need to grab it.”

They make their way through the rows of tents, lamps within casting shadows on the canvas walls, until they reach the western edge of camp and the Republic command quarters and Theron’s tent, wedged between Satele’s to its right and the brigadier’s on its left. He starts inside, gesturing for her to follow- he wasn’t lying about the space, barely enough for the two of them standing, a cot with a duffel bag tucked underneath, a tiny desk and matching chair.

(He’s always tidy, everything neatly stacked or folded away, a tendency she recognizes in herself-

They were used to running, both of them, in those days: only the essentials kept near to hand in the field, ready to shove into a bag in ten seconds or less, ready to bolt at the slightest sign of trouble. An old habit, born of necessity.

They’ve gotten a little messier, now.)

“How did your meeting go, by the way? I heard she wasn’t happy when you made it back.”

“How do you think it went?” Plugged into a charging cable, Theron’s datapad’s on the corner of the desk; he picks it up and slips it into an inside pocket of his jacket and then turns, wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close, face to face. “I’m standing there talking about troop deployments and getting lectured on punctuality, and all I can think about is your-”

(She clears her throat, hides a smile behind her hand. Never mind. We were still on time to that meeting, if you’ll recall.

Yes, with a minute to spare. You weren’t seriously- Lana sighs. I do not want to know. I really don’t.)

***

(“-and all I can think about is your fucking mouth,” he says, the last words muffled in the press of his lips against her forehead. “You did that on purpose, I swear.”

“And what if I did?” She slips her arms around his neck, voice pure innocence and lashes fluttering. He’s even better sport than she’d hoped for, now that he’s decided to play after all. “I thought it was better than the alternative. But if it’s too much of a distraction, I won’t do it again.”

“Not what I meant, and you know it. How much time do we have?”

Not enough. Never enough to- stars, she needs to be smarter than this. The lamp’s flickering; the power from the generators gets spotty after nightfall, especially when they’re drawing off it to run the War Table equipment. All it would take was the wrong person outside, a glimpse of silhouettes, a little too much noise-

No risk, no reward.

“Let me-” she reaches up, switches off the light (yes, that's better) and checks the time. “Minus five for walking time, that leaves us… hm. Three minutes.”

“And I still owe you.”

“Mm-hm-” he pulls at her drawstring, fingers sliding down against her skin- it’s such a cliché but ah, clever boy, his hands- “you do.”

Her knees buckle; she reaches back for the edge of the desk, something to brace against.

“Then I may need to pay my debt,” Theron says against her mouth, words against the silent ohs she’s choking back, “in installments.”)

***

He did have a point: concentrating on the maps was rather difficult after that.

Thankfully, she’s used to working around distractions.

***

By the time they drag the Commandant from the shuttle pad down the pathway to the War Table she’s in a foul temper.

She’s known she was in over her head the whole time they’ve been here. This entire mess, Revan and the Emperor... her training never covered anything like this. She can’t negotiate with these people. They’re completely insane, all of them, ranting about the Emperor, how he must feed, must feed- Force knows what the ghost of a Sith eats, but she’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to find out.

(Spirit, he says, a correction that snaps her head backward, sharp as a slap. Spirit, not ghost. I am beyond death.

Lana reaches for her arm.)

“You’re not one of them,” Iven said, “you’re meaningless.”

He doesn’t even have to quantify it. She knows exactly what he means. In the annals of history, she won’t even be a footnote in this mission. Normally that wouldn’t bother her; Cipher work means passing unnoticed, after all, a quiet hand, a shot in the darkness. There’s no fame to be had for work done well, only infamy in failure.

But meaningless? It strikes a nerve.

The man’s still raving when she shoves him to the ground at Marr’s feet, even when one of her strike team hits him with the butt of his rifle. Her own shoulder’s throbbing, a lucky blow from one of the other Guards- dead now, burning in the center of the complex courtyard- and she rubs it as they close ranks around their captive.

“We won’t get anything out of him that way.” Satele gestures toward the Commandant, at the trickle of blood now dripping from the corner of his mouth. “Let me speak with him personally. Given his mental state, I think some delicacy is required.”

Marr shakes his head, a hint of irritation in his voice. “That will take time we do not have, and we must breach the temple before Revan. He will speak, whether he wishes to or not. With Lord Beniko’s talents-”

Lana looks as though she’d like to sink into the ground. “With respect, my Lord, I can’t force him. I can only tell you what I see, not pry it out. If you mean to question him, may I suggest you’d be far better served by Cipher Nine.”

She wrinkles her nose- Theron sees it before she can compose herself, the angle of his head a question she’d rather not answer. She has experience enough in the finer points of interrogation, true, but since Hunter she’s got no taste for it and Satele’s right, anyway. Hurting him won’t give them what they need. One can't break what's already broken.

“If you torture him, you’ll only kill him without learning any more than what we already know. He needs to be tricked into confidence, not beaten.” She looks down to the man, still rocking back and forth on his knees. “But I agree with the Grand Master, I must admit. It’ll be subtle work, but manageable, I think.”

Marr sighs, and if tone could kill she’d be dead at his feet. “I can always look to you,” he says, “for a particularly skewed perspective. What a pity we can’t simply command him with a word.”

Damn him. Damn him to the Void and back.

She doesn’t answer, bites down hard on the inside of her cheek to keep herself from snapping back, to keep her muscles from shaking in helpless rage. How dare he-

“Have him moved to my quarters.” Satele turns to the guards, who move back to flank the Commandant again, one on each side, hands beneath his arms to drag him away. “We’ll begin immediately. Lord Beniko, with me, please. The rest of you are dismissed.”

Meaningless.

She turns on her heel and stalks away down the path.

By the time she’s back through the archway she’s no longer bothering to hide her fury and it must show, given the way people dart out of her way as she storms through camp toward the taskboard and the speeder bikes. She needs to get out of here. There must be something on the board, some excuse-

Massassi sighted near Watchpost Dorn. Perfect.

She moves her marker to the assignment, picks a fast speeder, and goes.

***

It was only one Massassi. Disappointing.

It never saw her coming; with poison and a few quick knifestrikes she drops the creature to its knees before she ever breaks stealth. It gets a few swipes in, none of them coming anywhere close as she dances in and out of arm’s reach and it roars, raging.

“I know exactly how you feel,” she mutters, driving her blade in deep, and it flails one last time and goes still.

Sitting down on a fallen tree beside the watchpost, she cleans her weapons and takes a few deep breaths, tries to settle her nerves.

Nope. Still pissed.

Her comm rings. She doesn’t even bother to see who’s calling, simply ignoring it; it rings again, this time on a private frequency, one they used on Rishi. Lana can’t possibly be done with the interrogation yet and Jakarro barely uses comms, which only leaves-

She answers. “What?”

“Where the hell are you?” Theron’s hard to hear, speaking just above a whisper. “You know as soon as they’re done with that lunatic they’ll want us back.”

“For what? All I’m good for is wetwork, clearly. I could have had him talking half an hour ago. You probably could have, too, and instead it’s a fucking Force-user party.”

“I know, but-” he pauses. “You okay? You sound out of breath.”

She sheathes her knife, rolling her shoulder back and forth- barely sore, now. Good. “Oh, I’m fine. My Massassi friend’s somewhat less so.”

“Your- wait, you left? ” His voice rising, Theron sighs. “Seriously. Where are you?”

“Check the board- I’m out by Dorn. I needed space.”

“Meet me at Esk again. We should talk,” he says as she starts to object- she’s really not in the mood, literally or euphemistically. “Actually talk, I mean. I’ve got a feeling you need it, the way you looked when you walked off.”

She chuckles. “Very perceptive of you."

“It’ll help, won’t it?”

“I doubt it.”

She can hear the eyeroll in his voice. “I insist.”

“Force, you’re a damned nag. Fine. You’ll need an excuse to get out of camp, though.”

“Oddly enough-” a beep over the channel, then a second; she shakes her head, trying not to laugh- “the power just went down again. I’d better go check it out. See you soon.”

She beats him there this time. Inside the cave it’s cool and quiet and peaceful; she cycles the generator back on and sits, back against the wall, beginning a memory exercise meant to calm her fraying nerves. By the time she hears him outside she’s nearly calm.

Nearly.

“So.” Theron steps out of the sunlight, blinking, looking down at her. “What the fuck was that about?”

She folds her arms across her chest, suddenly back on the defensive. “I thought we were talking. If I want someone to lecture me, I’ll take my chances with Marr again.”

“You know what I mean. I was pretty sure nothing could faze you, but you were about two seconds away from going for Marr’s throat.” He sits down beside her. “What’s wrong?”

“Thought I’d hidden it better than that.”

“You hide a lot of things,” he says, “and yes, you’re very good at it. I just know what it’s like. Also, honestly, I’ve spent way more time in the last month watching you than I care to admit, so-” he shrugs. “That was a deep cut, whatever it was.”

(Does it still bother you that much?

She makes a noise, mixed agreement and equivocation. I still dream about Hunter. I suspect I always will, even with all the desensitization training I’ve been working on, but back then I was just pretending it didn’t bother me so it was a lot worse. About a month before you and I met, before that first raid on Tython, I was trying to turn a Republic senator. She liked poetry, she murmurs, so I met her at a reading. We were discussing literary techniques.

Lana nods. I think I see where this is going.

She was particularly fond of the poet’s use of- she swallows, forces the word out, syllable by syllable- onomatopoeia. The third time she mentioned it, she says, I threw up in an ornamental rosebush. Blamed it on too much wine.)

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You were right about how to handle Iven, whether he likes it or not, and to come back at you with whatever that was… It isn’t right. Why didn’t Lana say something?” He frowns.

“She has no more idea what he’s talking about than you do, and she’s not going to speak against Marr any more than you’d speak against your mother.” Wrapping her arms tighter, she shakes her head. “It’s an old wound. Let it be.”

He’s quiet beside her, thinking; she knows by the way he’s focused on the ground in front of him. She’s spent too much time watching him, herself. “You were tortured,” he says a moment later. “Weren’t you?”

She nods.

“By the Empire?”

“No.” Mostly true. A one-word answer to an ugly question. “Please, Theron. Don’t ask me any more.”

He takes a deep breath. “I- look, hear me out. When this is over, you could defect, you know. We could protect you.”

She turns to stare at him. He didn’t know, of course, couldn’t possibly have known, but she hears Ardun Kothe echoing in her head and for a second she’s back on Quesh, facing the same offer, the chance to make a lie real-

“No,” she says flatly. “Absolutely not. Never.”

“Why? You call yourself independent, but you’re still stuck under the Dark Council’s thumb. You deserve better than that.”

He really believes that. She can see it in his face.

But Ardun believed she’d really defected, too, at first, and it didn’t stop him from using her.

“You’re so sure of what I deserve? You have no idea. Absolutely none.” Looking away, across the cave, she focuses on a thin crack on the far ceiling. “I could say the same of you. ‘My agent.’ Do you really think you’re any more free than I am?”

A bow drawn at a venture, but it hits its mark. Beside her, Theron flinches, muscles tensing, then lets his held-in breath go in a slow, sad sigh as his head falls back against the wall with a soft little thump. “No. But the Empire-”

“We don’t all want to watch the galaxy burn, you know.” She ought to apologize but he doesn’t quite deserve it; he shouldn’t have asked that of her. She doesn’t need rescuing, doesn’t need to be saved. “Some of us realize we’ve still got to live in it.”

“You should tell your bosses that sometime, then.”

She closes her eyes. “Go to hell.”

“I would.” He’s so quiet it’s hard to make the words out. “But aren’t we already there?”

It might have been funny, some other time, if it weren’t mostly true. Letting her arms fall to her sides, fingertips raking furrows in the dirt as her hands clench into fists, she doesn’t reply. After a minute he shifts, just slightly, resting his right hand on her left; when she relaxes he threads his fingers through hers.

She doesn’t move. She should, but-

“I’m sorry,” he says. “So much for letting you vent- shit, you probably think I planned that.”

“Didn’t you?”

“Not even a little bit. I just- I’ve seen what you can do, and I thought if-” he sighs again, squeezes her hand. “Forget I said anything. Please."

“I understand.” She does. She’d have done the same, under different circumstances. “But you promised, Theron. No sides. No games. Not with me.”

(He was never going to be any good at that, was he?

She should have known better.)

“I know. But-”

Their commpads chime, Lana’s frequency; she glances down as the message scrolls, holding up her wrist so he can see it, too.

Nearly finished. Lots to discuss. Table in 30- LB.

The light from the screen dies and they glance at each other before Theron starts to stand. “We should get moving. I’ve screwed this up enough without getting us into more trouble.”

“In a minute.” She doesn’t follow, stays seated, a weight on his arm pulling him back down until he stops, not sure whether to hold on or let go. ”Will you sit with me,” she says, looking up, “just a little longer?”

He nods, settling back to the floor beside her, and she rests her head wordlessly on his shoulder.

***

Up next: Risk/Reward. Two Revans, one fight, one promotion and too much alcohol.

#inyri writes #equivalent exchange #swtor fanfiction #theron shan #imperial agent #cipher nine #cipher nine/theron shan

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