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matan4il · 1 year

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Buddie 611 meta

I LOVED that the ep showed us how Eddie wasn’t doing compressions on Buck because someone instructed him to. No, he just couldn’t stand by, couldn't let someone else try to bring his partner back to life, so he announced he was taking over, fuck anyone who would try to stop him. No one even tries to, they wordlessly acknowledge Eddie as Buck's mad with worry partner, much like how in 315, the team treated Buck while Eddie was in danger. And then Eddie shocks Buck’s heart back and gets his pulse going again. Eddie literally kept Buck’s heart going, and then he was still so distraught that he yelled at the medical staff (even though as a medic, he knows it’s pointless), “Do more!” 'Coz that’s what Eddie himself was doing, he stepped in and did more than he was asked to, a continuation of us having seen him doing exactly that in 610 as well, when he didn’t wait for Bobby to decide what to do to help Buck, Eddie charged up an electrocuted ladder he was just thrown off of. Because when it comes to Buck, he will always do more. ~~

The significance of the bond between them is also shown when Eddie is the first flashback Buck experiences within the coma dream, the first lifeline to the real world. That’s continued when the second flashback is to the tsunami, where Buck saved Chris. However, Eddie and Chris aren't quite present in these flashbacks. Buck’s subconscious is at war with itself. The Diaz boys are this powerful connection to the real world (much like Buck and Chris were Eddie’s back in 315, as I tried to demonstrate in this gifset), but the coma dream shows the power of childhood trauma and how much we can be trapped by the desire to fix it. The whole dream contrasts Buck having parents who are loving, who want and appreciate him, with everything bad that would happen if he weren’t with the 118. As the dream goes on, the price keeps getting higher, yet Buck still struggles until the very end with letting go of the illusion that his parents love him, and the sense he himself can be fixed if they do, like he’d then finally feel good enough. That’s why, in a sense, Eddie and Chris have to be more absent than present for the coma dream to be seductive. Because if they’re fully present, if he truly engages with their coma versions and remembers the family unit he has outside the dream, the balance would be tipped over, the battle would have been decided before Buck had a chance to learn his lesson.

That’s why he only hears what happened to Eddie, he doesn’t witness it firsthand, and why when the dream's seductive nature is failing, suddenly Chris is there (despite his coma version not being in LA) to tempt Buck into staying. Even then, walking away from the dream version of Chris while telling him that he’s not real is the only thing Buck says he'll always feel guilty about. ~~

I just gotta include a small note here on how much I love the progression we’ve had from Bobby saying in 101 that while Buck calls him “pops,” they’re not a family, through Buck telling TK aloud that Bobby’s basically his dad (in the crossover) to Bobby finally admitting this is true for him as well. I’ve pointed out this season repeatedly (like in my 610 meta) that the show’s dealing with questions of fatherhood, including the question of biology in that context, and this ep was no different, yet this truly was one of the highlights for me when it comes to this theme. I love how much Buck and Bobby mean to each other. ~~

Buck’s mom saying “your kids” and Buck being confused until she clarifies it’s not his actual children, it’s his students, then his disappointment, that’s one loose end that the ep didn’t wrap up, because that is a continuation of the whole sperm donor situation (with Margaret once more being at the center of confusion on whether Buck is a dad or not). This one is only going to be really addressed once Buck fully deals with his role in Connor and Kameron’s baby’s life, something he can’t properly do until he also faces his role in Christopher’s, a role that this ep really emphasized. No other kids were by Buck’s bed, not even May who has free access as a legal adult and who has now admitted she knows Buck is her step dad’s other kid. Chris needs his Buck in a way that no other firefam kid does. ~~

Which brings me to the heart wrenching fate we (and Buck) learn the Diaz boys have suffered in his absence. I have mentioned countless times in my meta posts how important I believe 204 was to Buddie. How critical Buck’s decision to step into Eddie’s mess with him was. Not once, but twice in that ep, first when he helps Eddie by talking to Bobby about Chris spending the day at the station with the 118, then when Buck introduces Eddie to Carla. I have always said Eddie was very attracted (and not just physically) to Buck from the start, but Eddie’s Christopher’s dad first, so he never would have been able to fall for anyone who doesn’t also love his son as much as he does. In other words, I’ve always thought the heart eyes Eddie gives Buck at the end of the Carla introduction scene, that was the moment when he was gone. And now we learn how meaningful Buck himself knows that was. Without that happening, his subconscious just knows Eddie’s parents would have succeeded with their threat of getting Chris away from his dad, leading to Eddie completely falling apart. Buddie's tale is a love story, and this coma revelation is basically the show telling us Buck’s subconscious already knows this. ~~

Eddie’s reactions in the real world are also a reflection of how important Buddifer’s little family unit is to all three of them. Keep in mind, even with his therapy, Eddie is still a reserved guy, right? He normally remains calm in the face of adversity, it takes a lot to rattle him, he doesn't easily get to the point where he falls apart emotionally. When he does in this ep, he only allows himself to when his son is looking away. And even then, he just can't go on answering Christopher's questions about Buck's state. So it highlights how important Buck is to Eddie, when the latter DOES fall apart. When he jumps in to take care of Buck on the gurney as it’s wheeled into the hospital. When he shouts at the medical staff. When he looks so wrecked at the hospital, close to what previously it took weeks of insomnia to do to him. When he can’t look at Buck's comatose body or stop himself from crying while he listens to Chris speaking or bring himself to be strong for his son and answer him. And of course, when the reserved Eddie goes against hospital regulations and parental common sense (to keep your kid away from disturbing sights), sneaking his son in to see Buck. But Eddie does it because he gets it. When Chris says he needs to talk to Buck, Eddie knows the full weight of this, because it’s his truth, too. Both Diaz boys need their Buck to wake up. So everything Chris is saying, all the comfort he’s offering, along with the insistence that Buck MUST return to them? He’s speaking for Eddie as well. ~~

I also liked that Buck realized during his coma dream two truths that seem, but are not, mutually exclusive: that he does have a family worth going back for, but that ultimately, he’s returning for himself. He’s not trying to please anyone else, he’s not trying to get anyone else’s approval. His adoptive family matters to him, even his bio parents who have failed him repeatedly matter, but at the end of the day, he’s not going back because his loved ones do or don’t need him, do or don’t accept him, do or don’t approve of him. He’s going back because he loves them and he wants to be with them. And that ties in with another thing we see in this ep.

Bobby describes the coma dream as a world where Buck can fix everything. Buck says not all, seemingly implying he couldn’t bring Bobby back from the dead. But that’s not actually true, is it? 'Coz the coma world is Buck’s subconscious, it can be altered in whatever way he wants. Bobby can be there and talk to him despite being “dead” which means... he’s not really dead, not in the way that makes death so tragic, depriving us of our loved ones. Chris can be at the hospital, despite not being in LA and not knowing Buck. It’s a coma dream, there are no rules! Buck’s subconscious is king! And we know how important it is for Buck to fix things, Eddie pointed it out in 504, and we saw a callback to this just last week. The climax of this ep is even set against the musical backdrop of Coldplay’s Fix You. But this trait stems from Buck feeling like he needs to fix things, to be the hero, in order to be worthy of love. In the coma, Buck realizes he IS loved. And therefore, he doesn’t need to fix EVERYTHING in order to make a difference and be deserving of love. He IS enough, exactly as he is, limited fixing possibilities and all. That’s how he gets to choose both his loved ones and himself in coming back to reality. ~~

Oh, can we talk about the heart drawings scene from 514 and how it relates to this ep? I recently answered an ask about it, and pointed out I think Eddie’s heart has been Chris for years now, and for a long time, it was only him. But that scene showed how, thanks to the way Buck has been there for both of them along the years, helping, healing and loving them, Eddie’s heart is no longer exclusively his son. It’s Buck, too. Which explains why the heart theme we’ve been seeing with Eddie since 413 has expanded to include Buck’s in this ep, with Eddie literally restarting it. So 611 really affirms who Eddie’s heart now belongs to. We see how, without Buck, he would have lost Chris as well. Without Buck, he would have lost his whole heart. ~~

And that brings us of course to what kind of a person Eddie would be once that happened. We learn he would have become this angry man, drawing on his reaction during the lawsuit story arc. But notice that in both cases, a part of the issue causing Eddie's anger is not having Buck. Yes, back in s3 Eddie was dealing with Shannon’s death, but he doesn’t really start losing it until he also can no longer speak to Buck. Similarly, in the coma dream, he becomes Angry Guy due to the loss of Chris, but that is tied in with the absence of Buck in his life. In other words, losing Buck causes Eddie SUCH grief, that it has no other way out except for rage. ~~

Did you notice how once again, Buck got to be Madney’s truth teller? He did that first in 208, when he realized Madney are basically dating. Interestingly, everything he told Maddie about them was also true for him and Eddie. Then in this ep, he tells Chim Madney basically should be married, since they already share every other part of domestic and committed life. Obviously this will come into play soon. So just remember that once again, his words can be easily applied to Buddifer as well, plus Buck’s truth teller status was paralleled back in s2 with Maddie in 204, when she asked her brother about his newfound boy crush on Eddie... ~~

Okay, last one, but I just had to share with you maybe my fave parallel from this ep. You might have noticed in my 610 meta how much I think the lightning stroke parallels the shooting arc. Well, this was true with one of the sweetest moments in the ep’s conclusion. Just like how, at the end of 414, we got to witness Eddie hugging Chris while Buck watched on, so we get to see Buck hugging their son while Eddie looks on now. Except Eddie isn’t just looking. He enables the hug by helping Chris into Buck’s arms. Tell me again: how is this not a family? How are these men not partners, dedicated and loving towards each other in every way that matters...? ~~

Please enjoy direct links to my weekly meta posts, my Buddie gifs and more of my content in my pinned post. Endlessly thankful to @whosoldherout, who blows my mind away every week with her hard work and beautiful gifs for my meta. Tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here. Thank you in advance for any reblog and like! I’m operating on far too little sleep in order to get this posted quickly, so I can't explain how much any and all encouragement matters to me. Thank you! xoxox

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meetmypointlessaddiction · 4 months

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Rescuing Ellie: Part One

This is the first chapter of a new series I'm hoping to start in which Ellie is fostered and then eventually adopted by the Miller family. I can't promise when updates will be but I'm hoping it won't be too long until the next one is posted, enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of trauma, Joel and Sarah being too cute, Ellie possibly being neurodivergent is touched on slightly, childhood trauma, I think that's everything, Sarah calls reader 'mom'

Words: 1,9k

Prompt: You, Joel and Sarah and made aware of Ellie’s existence as your little family prepares to add one more

Joel was pacing around the living room, Sarah sitting on the couch with a book in hand sharing a smirk with you. “Dad! Sit down. If they walk in and see you pacing like a mad man they’re gonna turn the opposite way. Relax.” Sarah told him sternly and he nodded, making you laugh. Sarah had always been able to make him do as he was told.

“Is the bathroom clean? Did we vacuum the kitchen?”

“Joel, baby. I love you but please shut the hell up. Everything is clean, everything is tidy but the house still looks homely and welcoming, ok? The social worker would be stupid to think that our home wasn’t good enough to bring another child into.” You said to him and he nodded, taking a seat next to Sarah and letting his arm extend around the back of the couch as she leant on his shoulder.

“What book are you reading kiddo?” He asked and she smiled.

“To Kill a Mockingbird. Miss Garcia recommended it so mom took me to get it from the library on Friday.” She explained and Joel shot you a small smile.

Sarah wasn’t your biological child but that never stopped the three of you from acting like a true family. You had met Joel in a bar when Sarah was just 4 and, after a few dates, you finally got to meet his little girl and the pair of you were on your honeymoon a year later. Giving birth had never been something you had wanted to do, stories from friends and family completely putting you off the idea, but Sarah was desperate for a sibling and you knew, deep down, that Joel would love to have another kid in the house.

A knock on the door had Joel shooting to his feet, almost falling into the table, as he walked to the door to let the woman. “Mr and Mrs Miller, it’s good to see you again. And I take it this is the Sarah I got to know so much about?” She asked with a cheeky smile and Sarah laughed.

“Yeah my dad can get carried away with his bragging.” She said and Joel blushed, you squeezing his hand before he stepped aside to let the woman in.

“Well, I’m sure you're aware of why I’m here. I’m Courtney, the social worker who’s been asked to come and have a look around, make sure everything is up to scratch and walk you through the next few steps.” She clarified and the three of you nodded, Joel gesturing for her to take a seat and then taking his seat back next to Sarah who was laying her book on the coffee table.

“To Kill a Mockingbird? You like reading?” Courtney asked Sarah who nodded quickly.

“I was always read bedtime stories from dad or my uncle Tommy when he lived with us and then mom would help me read the harder books because those too are hopeless when it comes to words with more than three syllables.” She teased and Courtney laughed while Joel looked at Sarah with faux offence while you snorted into your hand.

“Well I can already tell that the three of you have a lovely dynamic going on. We’ve already discussed that it is your intention to foster a child and then adopt once the child is settled, correct?” She asked and Joel nodded.

“We don’t think it’s fair for a kid to get used to living with us and then we just change our routine once another kid comes along, you know?” You said and she nodded.

“Well, would you be able to show me around?” She asked and you nodded, Sarah opting to stay seated while you and Joel led her around your home.

“That room at the back is mine and Joel’s, Sarah’s is on the left and then the room on the right is obviously the spare room. We’ve left it pretty plain so that we can decorate it to their tastes but the room design is their choice.” You explained and she nodded.

“And you said you have two bathrooms?” She asked and Joel nodded.

“There’s the ensuite in the master bedroom and then the bathroom on your left is the bathroom that Sarah uses.” Joel told her and she nodded with a bright smile.

“It seems you’re all quite prepared for a new arrival. I believe there is someone in our system who would benefit greatly from being included in your family. If you’d like, I can set up a meeting for the pair of you to meet her and then another a few days later where you can bring Sarah along so the girls can get to know each other a little bit?” Courtney suggested and you and Joel both nodded quickly.

“That’d be great.”

“If we go and take a seat, I can go over some of her details and we’ll see what you think.”

Sitting back on the couch, Courtney pulled out a folder and Sarah peeked over the book. “Someone that eager to come live with us?” She asked and Joel rolled his eyes, nudging her slightly.

“Not when they find out you’re here.” He teased and she scoffed.

“Your old man grunts when you get up off the couch would be enough to scare anyone away. Surprised mom didn’t escape when she could.” She threw back at him and you looked to both of them.

“That’s enough with the pair of you, let’s listen to what Courtney can tell us about the girl ok?” You said and they both nodded, Joel smiling gently at you.

“So, her name’s Ellie, she’s 10 and she’s pretty mature for her age. Became independent at a young age and is generally intelligent if that’s something that interests you. She does have slight trauma which can cause occasional nightmares and she can be generally nervous around new people but is fiercely protective once she gets to know someone.” Courtney said and Joel sat up straighter.

“Sarah, you wanna go to your room for a little honey? We’ll call you back in once we go over some of the finer details?” He asked her and she nodded, collecting her book from the table and heading to her room. You looked at him confused and he cleared his throat.

“When you say trauma, are we allowed to know what that trauma is?” He asked and you looked at him shocked. Was this going to be a dealbreaker for him? “Woah no not because of anything bad. I just meant would there be anything that we could do to make the transition a little easier. Like is it better to have her meet us one at a time or maybe Sarah first or-.” You breathed a sigh of relief as he explained himself. “Kids have trauma, it doesn’t put me off fostering her just because she’s had a shitty past. I just don’t want her to feel like she has to feel a certain way once she joins us, you know?” He said more to you than to Courtney and you nodded.

“It’s probably better that she meets the pir of you first. Ellie’s mother died during childbirth and no one knew who her father was which meant that she was placed straight into foster care. She’s had some really bad experiences with foster homes which is why we are extremely careful of who we place her with. She struggles with men quite a lot which is why we always ensure that there are more women than men in whichever home she goes to. The best thing you can do for her is to just be yourselves. She has an extremely good judge of character so she’ll see straight through whatever facade you try to put up.” Courtney encouraged and you and Joel nodded, you watching as your husband took in all the information he could.

“The only other guy that’s ever really here is my brother but most of the time his wife and son are with him. Would that be ok once she gets settled?” He asked and Courtney nodded.

“As much normalcy as possible will help her settle. She doesn’t like to be a burden so feeling like your routine is being changed for her will make her feel awkward. We’ve had many fosters change their mind with Ellie due to some of her personality traits.” Courtney revealed and you frowned.

“Personality traits? What do you mean?” You asked and she frowned slightly.

“Many of the fosters believe that Ellie may be neurodivergent which could lead to some of her other traits such as her short temper and her objections to certain food textures or smells. She also struggles to divert from certain routines and some families found that hard to adjust to and it was making Ellie restless. It should also be noted that Ellie isn’t the ‘typical girl’ that a lot of families are searching for. She has very strong tastes in the clothes she wears and how she is viewed and will refuse to cooperate if it goes against what she wants.”

“We don’t expect her to stick to any kind of mould. As long as she’s her own person we don’t care.” Joel said and you nodded. “Would she be interested in any kind of sports? Sarah plays soccer so maybe signing her up for that would be a good idea?” He asked and Courtney shook her head with a smile.

“Ellie is quite small for her age so she gets pushed around a lot whenever it comes down to sports or physical activity. Her favourite hobbies are music and drawing but I’m sure she’ll tell you all about that once you get to meet her. Once you find a topic she enjoys, the girl can talk for hours.” She said and Joel’s eyes lit up, your husband’s love for music shining through and Courtney seemed to notice.

“Well, I can see you’re clearly excited to meet her so I’ll let you guys talk it over and once I’ve spoken to Ellie I’ll email with a date for you to come down to the home and meet her if that’s everything you had to ask.” You both shook your heads and Joel called for Sarah who bid goodbye to Courtney and then the three of you flopped onto the couch, Joel’s head dropping into Sarah’s lap as she shot him a stink eye for interrupting her reading.

“Well that seemed to be a success. I can’t wait to meet her.” Joel said and you chuckled, Sarah just resting her book on his face and continuing to read.

“I say we order pizza to celebrate.” You suggested and Sarah cheered while Joel grumbled.

“I hope it’s your money that’s paying for it.” He said and you and Sarah both burst into laughter.

“Of course not. Don’t you wanna provide for your girls my manly husband. Inn’t that what all you Texas men are built for?” You teased and he scoffed, laughing as you kissed his cheek.

“Make sure to order a ham and pineapple for the monster bookworm.” He told you and you nodded.

“If anybody’s order was going to be forgotten it’d be yours dad. Just accept that mom loves me more.” Sarah said, prodding his cheek and you smiled.

“What is it you want Joel?” You asked sweetly and grunted.

“All I ever want is cheese and it’s always forgotten.”

“Shut up you giant man baby.” You pushed his face into the couch cushion and he pouted.

“Thought I was your manly husband?” He asked with a slight smirk showing on his face until Sarah hit him with her book.

“Stop flirting with my mom. You’re ruining my appetite.”

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yongility · 1 month

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NEO TV # ROCKABYE (taeyong x reader) 1/?.

genre: single dad au, ceo au, fluff, slightly angst, smut.

warnings: adult language, death mentions, idk there’s not a lot of warning for this one.

word count: 7k

a/n: if you want to be in the taglist, just lemme know;) enjoy!

During his childhood, Taeyong always dreamed a thousand times about what adult life would bring him. His mind was always filled with those dreams that led him to his future. Would he become a firefighter? One of his earliest wishes formed when he was barely five years old; or would he perhaps become an idol in the Korean industry? He had wished too much to become one after seeing a performance on some TV channel. What if he became a police officer? Or a secret agent? Movies of that genre had always excited him, and he was sure he could become someone who would care for and protect the city if he set his mind to it.

However, reality hit him when he turned sixteen. As an only child, he would have to take over his father's business responsibilities once he retired. So no matter how much he dreamed or how much he wanted to be as an adult, because he would end up in an office, surrounded by papers to sign, with meetings to attend and deals to close.

And that's where he was now, at twenty-six years old, in the office that once belonged to his father and that was now filled with what he once wanted to escape. Still, he was grateful that his father had taught him enough to become the great businessman he is now. His father, who had been a great man, who had taught him incredible things about life, who had shaped him for any situation, who expected him to always give his best... but he never prepared him for what came to his ears that particular winter morning. Those words that left him frozen in the middle of his office. The words his brain couldn't process and that hit him like a bucket of cold water.

"Mr. Lee, we need you to come urgently to Seoul General Hospital, your daughter needs you."

Daughter... Daughter... Daughter...

What was that person talking about on the other end of the line? Was it some kind of joke? No, he didn't think anyone was twisted enough to joke about something like that.

But had he heard correctly?

"Mr. Lee, are you still on the line?"

A simple murmur came from his throat, still deeply pondering what those words from that person meant.

"We're very sorry about what happened to Miss Shin, however, we require your presence as soon as possible to fill out the necessary forms so that your daughter can leave the hospital with you."

Daughter... HIS daughter...

Taeyong's hands began to sweat profusely, his head began to spin, and his stomach began to feel nauseous. His office wasn't even as large as it used to be a few minutes ago. Now, it was getting smaller and smaller. Why did he suddenly start feeling hot? Wasn't it supposed to be snowing outside?

Was he about to faint? No, not now Taeyong. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Daughter.

"Mr. Lee?"

Again, that voice called him, like a drill to his ears. Taeyong took a gulp of air and snapped out of his deep trance. He wiped his hands on his suit pants and swallowed hard.

"I... um... I'll be right there."

You'll go? But you don't even have a daughter, Lee Taeyong… Ms. Shin? Who the hell was Shin?

But he had to go, a girl was waiting for him somewhere in that hospital, and before anything else, he had to clarify this situation. He had to go and clarify everything.

Never in his wildest dreams did he think he would be in this situation. What would he do with his life if everything turned out to be true? What would he do being a father?

Oh, Lee Taeyong, you have many things ahead of you. Good luck with that.

______________________________________________

"Before entering the operating room, and knowing the possible scenarios that could occur during the process, that was Miss Shin's will. We were not aware that you were unaware of the situation, however..."

Taeyong's body went into autopilot, with the words reaching his ears and the crying coming from the baby lying in his arms, he didn't know what to think and what to do. Next to him, a window was there, and from there, you could notice the snow falling gently and the wind moving the leaves of the trees slightly.

He cautiously looked at the tiny piece of human lying irritated on his arms. Why wouldn't she be quiet? Was she hungry? Was her diaper dirty? What would he know! He had never had a baby in his care and didn't even know the basic care they required. Him, a father? Never, never crossed his mind.

What was he supposed to do?

"... realizing the situation presented, we'll have to extend a few more days, we'll need a blood test to determine if you're really the father of this girl."

Taeyong's attention shifted from the little one and completely turned to the social worker in front of him.

"We understand that the situation may be very confusing and unexpected for you, but you were the only person Miss Shin gave us information about, ensuring that you are the father. Blood test results usually take from a week to ten days to be ready, so until we know the relationship between you and the baby, she'll have to stay in maternal care, still, we need you to show up here at least once a day. The little one needs warmth, in this case, fatherly warmth to feel calm, if the results find compatibility, we'll arrange all the necessary paperwork for you to take her home without any problem. If it turns out that there's no compatibility, the little one will be transferred to an orphanage where we'll make sure to find her a good family," the woman finished with a small smile.

Taeyong's confusion was still there, everything was spinning in his head, but he was at peace that the little one was now simply asleep. He didn't understand what was happening, but now, seeing the baby, something grew inside him. She looked so small, so fragile... so peaceful. Did she mention something about an orphanage? How could something so small be thrown into something as difficult as that? Confused by his thoughts and memories, the face of Shin Jein came to mind, and he remembered the short moment he would have shared with her some time ago and what, possibly, had resulted in what was now in his arms. So yes, there was even a small chance that they shared a part of DNA, but was he ready to take such a big responsibility into his hands? Would he have to rearrange a room just for her? Money wasn't a problem. How would he change her diaper? How many bottles should she take? Maybe he should hire a nanny. God, so many things were running through his head, and he didn't even know if he was her father or not. What he did know was that if the results were positive, he would pull up his pants, take responsibility and give the little girl the best he could. In the end, that's what his father had taught him; to take responsibility for his actions and face them like the man he was, and he would, even when he knew he wasn't even half prepared to do it.

"Are you okay with everything I've told you, Mr. Lee?" the social worker glanced at him and then at the baby. He brought his index finger cautiously to the baby's soft cheeks and then to her tiny hands, who, in a clever reflex, wrapped her hand around his finger. A lump formed in Taeyong's throat, and his eyes welled up. What would he do?

"Yes," his voice trembled so he cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes, I agree."

The worker gave him an empathetic smile and nodded in understanding, jotting down a few things on her tablet and then sighing.

"I have to go prepare some papers for the first phase of the process, which would be the blood test. In a moment, I'll send a nurse to take samples from both of you and to help you with the baby if necessary. You can stay here for as long as you want, and when you leave, the nurses will take care of her," she said before leaving the room and leaving Taeyong alone in the middle of the room with a weight in his arms. Carefully, he moved to a small chair next to a window. He sighed heavily and looked at the baby, and then he couldn't hold back any longer and a sob escaped from him.

He had thousands of emotions running from the tips of his toes to his head. He was confused, he was sensitive, he was frustrated. His face soon filled with tears, and the room with his sobs. Luckily, the little one seemed so immersed in her sleep that she wasn't even affected by the noises of her potential father.

Daughter... Father...

How much weight those words carried. How much it meant. Could he be a good father? He never lacked love at home, sure, sometimes his father could be tough on him, but it was part of growing up and part of understanding what life was. He could say he had a good example when it came to fatherhood, now, could he put it into practice?

To be honest, he was afraid. Afraid of many things. He was an older man, why the hell should he be afraid? He feared not being enough, he feared making mistakes and that the little one in his arms would pay for them. What if he didn't fully learn what being a father entailed? He was on his own, he didn't have a wife, he didn't have a girlfriend to help him with it. His friends... what would his friends know about taking care of babies? And his parents, damn, he had to let his parents know about the situation. In the end, they were the only close people who had some experience in this new world for him.

His routine would change. Would he have to adapt his office to a space dedicated to her? Would he have to leave her in a nursery to attend his work? Or hire a nanny to take care of her in his apartment? He couldn't go out as he used to, and if his sleep schedule was messed up now, it would be even more so. How long would it take for a baby to fall asleep?

But what if... what if the results were negative? Would he just leave, forget what happened, and let luck take care of the little one and find her a suitable family? Would he be able to do that?

He didn't know. Damn it! He had no fucking idea what he would do. Just a few hours ago, he was simply Lee Taeyong, the CEO of Lee Company. Someone single, with no commitments other than his job. And now what? Would Lee Taeyong be a single father?

His head began to ache, and he didn't know if it was from all the thoughts in it or from how much he had cried that he was sure he couldn't shed another tear.

He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing softly and slowly, with no intention of waking up from the peaceful sleep the baby was in. After a few minutes of being in that state, the sound of the door opening made him unconsciously open his eyes, finding a young nurse entering the room.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Lee," a delicate voice called him. "I'm Nurse (Y/N), I'll be the one taking the blood tests, and I'll be the one in charge of the baby," she announced softly and with a small smile.

Taeyong only managed to nod, and with his free hand (the one not holding the baby), he wiped his face, erasing any trace of tears. No words came out of his mouth because he really wasn't thinking straight. His thoughts and thousands of scenarios were haunting his head, and this made it impossible for him to concentrate, even in the slightest.

"Of course," was all he managed to say.

(Y/N) smiled again slightly and approached them with a couple of things in her hands. She sat in the chair next to the boy, and on a small table, she perfectly arranged everything and addressed him.

"All right, I need to take a small blood sample from the baby," she said, taking one of the small needles and turning slightly toward them. "I'll need you to hold her tight, please," she asked kindly.

Taeyong's eyes widened when he saw the needle and then he looked at the baby, and instinctively, he pulled her closer to his chest in an attempt to protect her, so (Y/N) let out a tender laugh, and he saw her with a furrowed brow. What was she laughing about?

"It'll be quick, I promise," she assured confidently.

"Will it hurt her?" he asked, almost obvious.

"It'll only be for a moment. It won't take long, and besides, if you're there for her, it'll be easy to calm her down," she commented, taking the baby's tiny hand and resting it on the large hand of her - potential - father, who, in a reflex, held her firmly. (Y/N) carefully brought the needle to the baby's index finger and without hesitation, pricked it, causing a few drops of blood to fall in the necessary place. The baby, in an instinct, woke up from her peaceful sleep, and a loud cry echoed throughout the room, automatically causing Taeyong to cuddle her more against his chest.

Something that did not go unnoticed by the eyes of the nurse, who just smiled tenderly at the boy's actions towards the little baby. She knew the situation, and it was one that worried her now that she saw the man's behavior. Internally, she wished that the results would be good because it seemed, at first glance, that Lee Taeyong wished the same.

"Now I have to do the same with you," she murmured after having arranged the next necessary equipment and disinfected what would be necessary. "May I?" she asked, stretching her arms toward the baby, and Taeyong looked at her with doubtful eyes, brought the girl closer to his chest, and stopped rocking her after her crying stopped. "I'll just put her in the crib next to you. I need you to stretch out your arm so I can take the blood test, and I don't think it's possible to do it while you're holding your daugh... the baby," she corrected. "As soon as we finish, if you want, you can pick her up again or let her rest in the crib," she said calmly.

Taeyong let out a small breath and nodded slowly, passing the little baby to the nurse's (Y/N) arms, who took her delicately and left her with great care in the crib next to him. Rocking her gently and making the baby close her eyes.

Without much to say, (Y/N) proceeded to take her utensils, and Taeyong rolled up his sleeve, allowing his arm to be exposed for the nurse to do her job, who placed the needle assertively in a vein, causing the boy to give a tiny jump in his place, and then the needle filled with the necessary blood for the test.

"Thank you," she murmured, taking her things and briefly leaving the room. Taeyong held a cotton ball with alcohol on the recent wound and stood in the middle of the room, processing the sudden events of his crazy day, and after a few minutes, the girl came back into the room to find, surprisingly, Taeyong in the same place without the girl in his arms.

"If you want, you can go out for a moment to get some fresh air," (Y/N) spoke kindly. "I know you need it, she's sleeping right now, and I can stay here to take care of her. After all, I'm the nurse in charge. You can go out for a moment, get a coffee, or maybe something to eat. I assure you she'll be here waiting for you to come back, but I think you need to clear your mind a little."

And she was right.

Taeyong's eyes went to the crib and the little figure inside it, he sighed and nodded slightly. "Th-thank you," he murmured, clearing his throat a bit. "I suppose a bit of fresh air would do me good."

She smiled, and he walked slowly to the door of the room, giving one last look to the nurse and to his daugh-... the baby in the crib. He straightened his posture, and as he walked, he undid the knot of his tie, going directly to the entrance of the hospital where, once there, he took his phone out of his pants pocket and dialed a few numbers, bringing the device to his ear and again, taking a breath.

One ring... two rings... three rings...

Please pick up...

"Sweetheart?" a female voice was heard on the other end of the line, and this simply caused another knot to form in the boy's throat.

"Mom, there's something I need to tell you."

______________________________________________

On the fourth day after receiving the news that seemed to turn Lee Taeyong's world upside down, he found himself again in that small hospital room, sitting by the same window where he had been on the first day after meeting the little one. This time, the baby was not resting in his arms; now, she was in the small crib beside him, emitting little snores that showed how much she enjoyed her sleep. Taeyong smiled to himself.

It had only been four long days since then, and every time he saw the little one, he could feel something, something telling him that he should take her and take her home, be a father to her and fill her with as much love as he could.

But the fear lingered; he didn't want to get ahead of himself, and he didn't want to get attached to her, even though it was impossible not to. He feared he wouldn't be a good father, and in the worst-case scenario, he feared negative results. He couldn't and didn't want to imagine what would become of the little girl if she were sent to an orphanage.

Would he to want to adopt her to ensure she lacked nothing? Or should he give a chance to a couple who could take care of her?

Four days and he still didn't know what to do.

So, he shook his head, trying to clear his mind of the wild thoughts, and focused his gaze on his phone, which was playing a video on YouTube. Taeyong watched the screen intently, his brow slightly furrowed and a smirk on his face. So, with all his attention on the screen, he didn't notice the entrance of a certain nurse who had been his company - and in a way, his support - during the past few days. She carried some instruments and a coffee in her hands, which she left on the small table next to Taeyong, who seemed unaware of her presence. This surprised her.

Cautiously, she peered at the boy's screen and couldn't help but let out a slight laugh when she noticed what had kept Lee Taeyong so concentrated, which now, with the noise caused by (Y/N), distracted him and made him look at her confused.

"What are you watching?" she asked curiously.

Taeyong shrunk in his chair and quickly pocketed his phone, then scratched his neck sheepishly.

"It-it’s nothing," he murmured.

"Were you watching a tutorial on how to change a baby's diaper?" she teased with a playful smile.

"Maybe," he mumbled, feeling his cheeks turn crimson.

"How cute," she whispered, but despite that, he could hear her perfectly. "I can help if you want," she offered, extending the coffee she had previously brought in her hands. Taeyong gladly accepted it and looked at her with bright eyes.

"Really?" he asked quickly.

"Of course, if it's important to you, I can help," (Y/N) expressed, peeking into the crib and seeing a peaceful baby smiling in her dreams, melting her heart completely.

(Y/N) had seen hundreds of babies come and go in this hospital; after all, it was part of her job as a pediatric nurse. She had heard hundreds of stories about each family's background and had cared for and treated several little ones. But there was something about that little one that moved her heart. Of course, there were other babies who melted her heart with the slightest thing they did, but the baby in front of her particularly did so even more. She didn't know if her story had touched her more, she didn't know if her potential father had anything to do with that feeling. She really didn't know, but she wholeheartedly wished that both Taeyong and the baby would have what they deserved.

"Thank you very much," Taeyong's hoarse voice snapped her out of her thoughts. "It means a lot to me, everything you've done these past few days... I... I'm very grateful for it," he said sincerely, and she smiled at him.

"It's nothing, really," she replied. "When it's time to change her diaper, I'll give you a class on how to do it, after that, you won't have to resort to a YouTube channel, I assure you," she spoke teasingly, to which Taeyong chuckled softly.

"God, this is embarrassing," he covered his face with his hands so that (Y/N) wouldn't notice how red he was getting. Did he look silly doing that? What a shame.

Suddenly, a few babblings made both of their gazes fall on the crib, and with delicacy, (Y/N) and Taeyong approached the crib, watching the little one slowly opening her eyes until they were fully open, and she continued babbling, perhaps hoping to be picked up by the arms she had become so accustomed to and which provided her with the right warmth for her body.

What a pain it would be if he didn't turn out to be the father. A voice filled the nurse's head after seeing Taeyong, carrying the little one in his arms and gently rocking her while murmuring a few words to her in a low voice.

"Wow, little one, you woke up very pretty today," (Y/N) spoke, and that voice caught the baby's attention. As best as she could, the baby smiled slightly, causing Taeyong to smile even more. "If I'm honest... she and you have the same eyes," she murmured, approaching their bodies.

She made mistake. How could she say that?

"Do... do you think so?" he asked hopefully.

Sometimes you should keep your mouth shut.

She swallowed slowly and looked at the little one, then at Taeyong, and then nodded.

"Indeed... your eyes are very unique, Mr. Lee," (Y/N) replied. "I mean, your eyes are big, they look like the cartoons my nephews watch in the afternoons. Hers are very similar, her eyes are big, and the color is very alike. Both of you have very beautiful eyes," she whispered the latter, but despite wanting to say it just for herself, it ended up in Taeyong's ears, who looked at (Y/N) with a sparkle in his eyes and then at the little one in his arms.

"Well, I suppose you're right, she has very beautiful eyes," he smiled tenderly and gently rested his forehead on the baby's head. "I hope you're right," he murmured.

______________________________________________

"Then you have to fold these two ends, and... there you go, the diaper will be as it should. Did you understand?" (Y/N) finished explaining while carefully placing the baby's diaper.

"Wow, you make it look so easy," Taeyong commented, surprised. "Easier than that YouTube video."

(Y/N) chuckled lightly and then looked at the guy.

"Would you like to dress her up?" she questioned, pointing to the set of clothes next to the baby. Taeyong, without hesitation, nodded and went to the little one. Taking each piece carefully and putting it on the girl even more cautiously, who was awake and moving her eyes around, possibly trying to find a silhouette.

(Y/N) watched the scene in front of her eyes with tenderness and couldn't help but smile. What was it that caught her attention because of them? What was it that made them particles to be absorbed every time she set her eyes on them? The little baby began to whimper softly, causing Taeyong to quicken his pace but still being careful to finish putting on her clothes.

Clothes he had bought himself with the help of his mother.

He took the little one in his arms and rocked her between them murmuring soft words to calm her down. It felt like such a familiar, personal moment... that (Y/N) almost felt like she shouldn't be there, as if she shouldn't allow herself to see that scene. The baby seemed to have gotten used to the warmth of the boy, and as soon as his voice was present in the room, it was enough to calm her whimpers.

How could they have connected so quickly in just four days?

But one thing Taeyong had been sure of was that since the moment the baby's little hand wrapped around his index finger on day one... the little one had won his heart. He hadn't admired a being so much until she did that tiny action; an action that made him question his entire life.

"Should I give her a name already?" Taeyong asked out of the blue, causing (Y/N) to slowly shake her head and look at him with a puzzled expression on her face. "I mean, it's been almost five days since she was born, and I keep calling her baby, or little one... I guess she should have a name," he commented, lightly booping the baby's nose. "But giving her a name also means I'm tying myself to her. I... the results aren't ready yet and if..."

"It would be nice for her to finally have a name," the nurse responded, nodding. "But if you think you should wait..." she approached him. "I heard the results will be ready soon, maybe you'll have them tomorrow, just don't tell Mrs. Kwan that I told you because she'll get me in trouble," she joked. "I'm sure this little one can wait one more day, right, cutie?" (Y/N) addressed the baby in her arms, and she reacted with a babble that melted them in that same place.

For the first time in the four days of sharing moments with the kind nurse, Taeyong took the attention off the baby in his arms and put it completely on the girl beside him. Who smiled while giving some affection to the baby with a huge smile on her face. But what a beautiful smile she had, how had he not noticed it after spending so much time with her? Was he so immersed with the little one that he hadn't even noticed her company? Things sure do change so drastically, if it weren't for the fact that he was now responsible for a little girl, he would have asked for her phone number after the second day. Surely the Taeyong of a week ago would have done that... would things be like this from now on?

He swallowed slowly and looked back at the little girl, who yawned slightly and brought one of her hands to her face. Taeyong smiled and nodded a few times.

"Yes, I'll wait until then."

______________________________________________

“So are you telling me that you've been missing all week because you've been taking care of a baby who could be your daughter?" his friend looked at him expectantly, what kind of madness has he gotten into now? "Taeyong, it's been years since you've had a relationship with someone, what makes you think you're a father to that baby?"

"Formally, Doyoung," Taeyong corrected as he massaged his temple. "I haven't been in a formal relationship for a while, still, I went on dates occasionally," he explained, taking off his glasses and leaning back in his desk chair.

"Have you ever heard of protection, Lee Taeyong?" his friend asked curiously. Taeyong's nostrils flared, and he let out a big sigh. "So, if the results are positive, what will you do? Will you take the little girl to your house?"

Taeyong nodded; "after all, I would be the father."

"And her family? Do you know anything about them?" the long-eyed guy asked cautiously.

"No. When they explained the situation with Jein to me, they told me she hadn't left any information about family and only left mine. I don't know her family. Our thing wasn't formal, we went out a couple of times, but we decided to stop seeing each other because we weren't in the place we wanted at the time. After that, I heard nothing from her... until five days ago."

"And what a surprise she left you!" his friend exclaimed, getting up from his seat and pacing back and forth with his hands on his waist.

"Doyoung," Taeyong lightly scolded. Sometimes he wasn't the most tactful person.

"Why didn't you call me five days ago, Taeyong? I could have accompanied you, did you go through all this alone?"

"Not completely alone, Mom was there sometimes and..." he paused momentarily when (Y/N)'s face appeared in his thoughts, smiling mischievously he continued: "the nurses have also been a great support, besides, what do you know about kids?" he reprimanded.

"What do you know about kids?" Kim curiously replied, raising one of his eyebrows.

"At least, for your information, I already know how to change a diaper," he proudly replied, then fell silent for a few seconds and changed his demeanor. "But seriously Doyoung, I appreciate your concern for me, but things have been like this, all that's left is to wait for the results to come in and everything will be determined. All I need is support, not for you to come and question me a thousand times when I don't even have the answer to half of them," he spoke as he got up from his seat and walked towards his friend, standing in front of him.

Doyoung looked at him with slight pity and lowered his gaze before giving him a few light taps on his shoulder and nodding slightly.

"I'm sorry, man. It's just that you worry me. In the last five days, I knew nothing about you because you weren't answering your calls and your secretary said you wouldn't receive visitors and that you had canceled all your meetings. I can't say I understand what you're going through, but it's a very drastic change and after hearing it, I don't want you to... I don't want you to be affected by the results. From what you're telling me and how you're saying it, Taeyong, you're very invested, and if those results are negative, I know you'll be devastated."

The brunette looked him straight in the eyes and avoided letting a few tears escape when he felt a lump in his throat. He clenched his fist on his friend's forearm, who was still leaning on his shoulder, and pressed his lips together. Why was he suddenly so vulnerable? How could he have changed in just less than a week?

"I know, Dodo... I don't want it either," he said in a low voice. "But that little one deserves something beautiful, and I'll make sure to give it to her, regardless of whether I'm her father or not."

"How would you do that?" his friend questioned.

"I don't know... I really don't know," he finished saying so that both fell into a deep silence right there, in the middle of the large office.

Taeyong was restless, (Y/N) had mentioned that the possible results would be in today, it was almost five in the afternoon, and he hadn't received a single call from the maternity care ward. Would he have to wait a few more days? He hoped not and trusted the nurse with charming eyes, if she had said that maybe he would receive the news today, then today he would receive it.

On the other hand, he felt good about sharing his situation with his best friend. Who has accompanied him during the most remote moments of his childhood until today, and knew that despite how tough or serious Doyoung could sometimes be... his friend only sought the best for Taeyong and no matter what happened, even if a baby suddenly appeared in their lives, he would always support him.

Even if he didn't show it as explicitly as other people.

But Taeyong knew him and he knew him like the back of his hand, and knew that behind those sarcastic sentences, there was a concerned and caring guy. He couldn't wait for him and the little one in the hospital to meet.

And then the sound of a phone inside the office broke the deep silence, Taeyong and Doyoung looked at each other as if they were thinking the same thing, and the latter nodded his head towards the older man's desk, who hurriedly ran towards it. Awkwardly, Taeyong picked up the phone and answered the call with a trembling voice.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Lee? What a pleasure to find you! This is Mrs. Kwan, the social worker from the maternity ward," he could hear the voice on the other end of the line. Taeyong's eyes widened, and he nodded repeatedly, as if the other person could see him. Doyoung caught his friend's reaction and ran towards him, standing by his side and pressing his ear against the free side of the phone to listen. Taeyong looked at him strangely and lightly pushed him with his shoulder. His friend didn't take long to react and also pushed him lightly before nodding his head encouraging him to answer the call and putting his ear back on the phone's receiver with a curious expression on his face.

"Oh, Mrs. Kwan, what a pleasure to hear from you, what has happened?" he asked pretending not to understand the situation.

"Just don't tell Mrs. Kwan that I've told you this, she'll get me in trouble if you do," (Y/N)'s voice echoed in his head.

"I hope I'm not calling at an inconvenient time, but I wanted to let you know that the results have arrived at the clinic, and we require your presence to be able to read them," Taeyong's face lit up, and between him and Doyoung, they smiled, the latter once again gave him a little push on his shoulder for him to continue the conversation being held online.

"Oh yes... yes yes yes. Of course, I...," the words couldn't come out correctly from his mouth. "I'll come as soon as possible," he said after clearing his throat slightly. "Thank you for calling, Mrs. Kwan, see you in a few moments," he finished saying to end the call, where he stood still with the phone in his hands while Doyoung hopped around in his place.

"Hyung, the results are done," he said, patting him on the back, however, his friend didn't react. "Taeyong? Aren't we going?" he called him again without an immediate response.

Thousands of things and scenarios ran through Taeyong's mind. He was about to know the truth, one that could be completely satisfying or... completely catastrophic. Five days ago, the news of possibly being a father had hit him like a bucket of ice water, he questioned his entire existence, and fear had paralyzed him, yet, as the days went by and he saw that small face so peaceful and so tender when he arrived at the hospital, he had wished that it was all true, regardless of the weight it would have.

What if the results weren't compatible? He would then have to give up and say goodbye to the little person who had been lifting him with spirits every morning for the last five days. He would have to turn around as he watched the little one being taken somewhere waiting for someone to take care of her. How long did children wait before even a couple could adopt them? Months? Years? He couldn't let her go through that, he simply couldn't. He had to be the one to take responsibility, he was sure of that.

"Taeyong!" his friend's voice and a shake from him made him look into his eyes as he took a deep breath. Taeyong bit his lip and left the phone on the desk, straightened his suit, and slowly walked towards the exit.

"Let's go, Doyoung."

______________________________________________

Both boys walked quickly through the hospital corridors, avoiding bumping into anyone along the way. Doyoung was like a confused puppy as he simply followed Taeyong from behind.

"Yong, where is the maternity ward?"

"To the right," the older replied, turning to one side and entering a room where they could see nurses walking back and forth. Taeyong abruptly stopped to search for the social worker with his eyes. He moved his head at different angles until he could finally spot her at the end of the room. He gave Doyoung a couple of pats on the chest and quickly walked towards her, with his friend once again following him. "Mrs. Kwan," he called out, causing her to turn around and give him a warm smile while holding a few papers in her hand.

"Mr. Lee! Thank you for responding to the call so quickly," she exclaimed enthusiastically. "The results arrived this morning, but we had to sort out some things here, so it was difficult to call you earlier," she commented.

Taeyong nodded and moved anxiously in his place. He tried to dry his hands on his pants, which were starting to sweat, and moved his leg impatiently, watching as Mrs. Kwan carefully read the documents in her hand.

"And... well?" Taeyong blurted out with curiosity.

"Oh yes, of course. After reading the results and evaluating other criteria, it remains to say that there is nothing..." she paused briefly to read, and this only caused Taeyong to stop breathing and clench his jaw, while Doyoung opened his eyes expectantly. "... nothing preventing you from taking the little one home," she continued. "The results showed the compatibility percentages we were looking for, and we are aware that you are in an economic position that allows you to provide for her primary needs. In addition, after the observations that both I and the hospital psychologist have been making regarding your individual behavior and with the baby, we believe that you have the ability to take care of the little one."

"So... so I... can... I mean, I'll be able to..."

"Yes, Mr. Lee, you can take her with you."

Taeyong felt the air return to his body and the tension dissipate in a snap. Had he heard correctly? He looked at the social worker, then at his friend, who was looking at him with a grin from ear to ear, and then he felt his eyes welling up and his heart fluttering. He threw himself at his friend, who hugged him in place, and Taeyong let out a small sob while feeling his friend's pats on his back.

"Doyoung..." he murmured.

"I know, Taeyong, I know," he replied without letting him finish. "You can go home with her."

The social worker cleared her throat slightly, causing Taeyong to separate from his friend and wipe away his few tears, then look at her.

"I am very pleased to give you this news, Mr. Lee. We were aware of the connection you had formed with the little one, and we are sure that she will receive nothing but love and a good life. We personally took care of expediting the document process, and all you have to do now is sign some papers so that you can finally take her home. The only thing we request after this is that you are in the conditions to do so, so... does your car have a baby seat?" she asked curiously.

Doyoung and Taeyong looked at each other and then left the place as if on cloud nine, leaving the social worker alone, perplexed and not understanding what had just happened.

"Oh, newbies," Mrs. Kwan sighed as she turned around to continue her duties.

______________________________________________

In the baby products aisle, Taeyong and Doyoung were lost. Well, actually, it was Doyoung who was lost, after all, Taeyong had come before accompanied by his mother, so he could feel at least – a little – familiar with what was in front of him. So he cautiously looked at each of the baby seats on the shelves, with one hand on his hip and the other on his chin as he tried to figure out which one was the best.

"Doyoung, what are you doing?" asked the dark-haired one without turning to look at him, but feeling him move back and forth, while Doyoung was examining the baby diaper packages, holding three packages in his hands as best he could.

Which one would be better for his niece? Super absorbent or super comfortable?

He looked at each package again and murmured... the boy on the super absorbent diaper package looks very happy.

"Doyoung?" he requested his attention again, and when he came out of his deep concentration on diapers, the aforementioned one jumped in surprise and the packages fell from his hands, causing Taeyong to finally turn to look at him. "What the hell were you doing?"

"I was seeing which diapers I should buy for my niece," murmured Doyoung as he picked up the mess from the floor.

"You don't even know which ones she uses... wait... what?" asked Taeyong surprised as he turned to face him.

"My niece, Tae," replied Doyoung obviously. "Now... am I going to be the godfather? Because let me tell you that among Jaehyun, Johnny, or me, I think I'm the most suitable to be her godfather. Look, I'm the one accompanying you to buy diapers," Doyoung concluded, finally choosing the super absorbent ones.

"But we haven't even come for that," the older one said with a furrowed brow, then the younger one looked at him curiously and held his gaze firmly. "But, okay Dodo, you'll be the godfather, now, if it's not too much trouble, help me with this."

His friend did a slight dance of celebration in his place and as best as he could, he placed the package of diapers between his arm and his rib to hold it, and then helped Taeyong carry the baby seat box and began to walk towards the cashier.

"What are you carrying?"

Doyoung looked at him obviously and huffed.

"The first gift for my niece from me, so... can we go now?"

______________________________________________

Back at the hospital, with the car in the parking lot and a baby seat perfectly placed in the back of it; Taeyong was finishing filling out a form with trembling hands, his friend impatiently tapping his leg, and once he filled out what was necessary, he thanked the social worker profusely, left the waiting room, and headed to the room that now felt so familiar to him, with his heart in his hand and a smile on his face.

And of course, with Doyoung behind him carrying his pack of diapers.

They stopped in front of the room door, and Taeyong closed his eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath and gathering the necessary strength because once that door opened... his life would change forever, and it would be for the better. He shook his hands in an attempt to dispel his nervousness and carefully took the handle, which he opened, finding (Y/N) on the other side holding a small diaper bag and with a smile that touched him even more.

"I heard about the results," the nurse said as she approached him and handed him the bag, still smiling. "Congratulations, Mr. Lee” she said sincerely, and Taeyong nodded, feeling his chest squeezed by the different emotions he felt at that precise moment. He believed he had never felt that way in his life. He watched as (Y/N) moved a bit and searched for something inside the pocket of her uniform, from which, delicately, she took out a piece of paper and discreetly handed it to him. "I shouldn't be doing this for many reasons, mainly because it's unprofessional on my part," she confessed, while Taeyong, confused, took the paper between his fingers and noticed a couple of numbers written on it next to a: nurse (Y/N). "But if you don't tell Mrs. Kwan, I won't get in trouble," she laughed lightly. "I hope you don't need it, but if you ever need help, I want you to know that you can contact me, I know all of this is new for you and her. She's an angel, I'd like to help you if you ever need it," (Y/N)'s cheeks blushed slightly, and Taeyong looked at her with tenderness, feeling fortunate to have surrounded himself with supportive people.

"I really appreciate it, it means a lot to me, for real," he smiled kindly. "And, (Y/N)? "he spoke to get her attention. "Don't call me 'Mr.Lee' yes, I'm a dad now, but I'm not much older than you, besides, you won't be the nurse anymore, formality isn't necessary," he explained.

(Y/N) chuckled softly and nodded enthusiastically, approached the crib of the little one to hold her in her arms and appreciate her once again. She caressed her delicate hair and looked at her fondly. She leaned in a little closer to her and whispered, "Good luck in your new life, beautiful. See you soon," she said goodbye lightly, she sighed and turned around to hand the little one over to her now – official – father, who took her in his arms, exchanging a couple of playful glances with the nurse and ended up looking at his daughter.

His daughter. It felt good to be able to say it.

He admired her as the little one let out small snores in her deep sleep. Doyoung watched everything from a considerable distance, with a lump in his throat as he proudly observed his best friend and hugged the pack of diapers to his chest seeking some warmth. Taeyong stroked his daughter's cheek with his index finger and bit his lower lip to prevent himself from crying right there. He carefully pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes, letting her scent reach his nostrils. From now on, would that be the aroma that filled his apartment?

"It's time to go home, Sun Hee," he whispered, and that's when he knew there would be nothing else he would rather be doing at that precise moment and place.

taglist is open, lemme know if you want to be tagged in the next part;) hope u like it.

67 notes · View notes

leahsgf · 9 months

Note

pls Please PLEASE!! give me more of our girl Shauna, she's so precious I swear🥹, I am going crazy over the fact that there's not enough Shauna fics over here, I love our brown sad doe-eyed girlfriend🥺

tied me to you

pairings. shauna shipman x reader

being childhood best friends to lovers with shauna is something so personal to me!

she’s so underrated when it comes to fics it hurts…i haven’t proof read this yet so sorry if there’s any mistakes!

you met shauna through your parents. they had all known each other since they were teenagers and just so happened to have children at the same time as one another, meaning that you’d been having play dates and gatherings with the shipman family for as long as you could remember.

the pair of you were both incredibly shy children around anyone else but each other. together, you were both completely comfortable and more outgoing. you even had a secret language that only you two knew, and you would talk in it for hours.

you had grown up doing absolutely everything together and were basically attached at the hip, growing another extension when mrs taylor started dropping jackie off to join you for play dates too.

shauna had always been far too nervous to do certain things on her own, so you always went along with her, or did it for her without hesitation. it was just natural to you, and as you got older it was the other way around.

you joined soccer together at the age of six, and were always eachother’s biggest supporters in games. you’d practically tackle eachother to the ground in hugs whenever either of you scored or did something good.

even in your teenage years, your dynamic barely altered, and your parents would always joke and say you’d be cute as a couple at their dinner parties, earning embarrassed groans and blushes from the two of you (who were in complete denial) before you stressed that you were just best friends.

your parents knew long before both of you did.

you went through it all together, whether you were laughing together in the best of times or crying together in absolute worst, she was your rock, and you, hers.

even though you both were insistent that you were just friends, you were constantly mistaken for a couple. even by jackie, who had grown up with you both, and most of the team had assumed that you were together when they met you both.

despite the constant clarifying that you weren’t together, as you both grew up and got bigger, so did your feelings for her, and you couldn’t help but think about all of the ‘what if’s’

casual displays of affection were suddenly not so casual anymore.

sharing a bed together when you were out of state for games, because “you’d always done it that way” suddenly made your heart beat ten times faster.

friendly looks turning into longing ones over time.

and before you knew it you started seeing her in a completely different light.

you kept quiet about your growing feelings for her because you were terrified that they were one sided, and that you didn’t want to ruin the lifelong bond that you shared. after all, you would rather be silently miserable than deal with the potential rejection that loomed.

whenever you said “i love you” to eachother, something you’d previously said a million times, your heart ached - because you knew she meant ‘just as a friend’

little did you know however, shauna felt the exact same way about you, and had for even longer than you did. she had always had a crush on you, a part of her always knew that, but she was far too nervous to ever tell you, just like you were.

she missed you (more than best friends probably should) whenever you weren’t around, even if it was simply just a class that you didn’t have together and she had literally seen you less than an hour ago.

she started to hold onto you for longer in hugs, squeezing you tighter, not wanting to let you go.

her journal became off limits to you, which it never had been before. she filled it with all of her feelings for you that she couldn’t quite say out loud, and she spent more time than ever writing in it.

shauna often found herself staring at you in awe, admiring your beauty - tracing over each of your details in her mind, whilst you thought she had just zoned out, which happened a lot also.

she was always nervous when you complimented her, scratching her neck and avoiding eye contact as her cheeks burned - something she had thought was normal having growing up feeling it, only realising when she received compliments from literally anybody else that it wasn’t.

she also found herself easily jealous over people who she knew you were just friends with.

you were both head over heels in love with eachother, and yet had no idea in the slightest that the other felt exactly the same.

after what felt like an eternity of stolen glances and pep talks with jackie, lottie and tai, who were sick of your shared obliviousness after this many years, shauna finally confessed to you in the year before you both moved to college (together, of course)

she had been so anxious, but both her mother and your own had assured her that she had nothing to worry about.

her confession was one of the most romantic things you’d ever experienced. she’d set up a picnic in her backyard, and had gifted you a stack of her journal pages, dating back years, and revealing all of the feelings she’d ever had for you.

“i have loved you all my life”

“it’s always been you”

she shyly spoke with a gentle smile adorning her face and pure love shining in her big brown eyes, wider than ever.

you just pressed your lips to hers, letting your actions do the talking as tears slipped down your cheeks.

after you started dating, you found out that both of your families AND the team had made several big bets about how long it would take for you to get together.

her mother won. deb shipman was never wrong.

you literally knew each other inside and out, and finally being able to show each other all of the love you had hidden away brought you even closer together, something you had never imagined.

you were so much happier and more free together.

she remembered everything little detail about you, even things from when you were kids. all the ways you like to be comforted, your favourite foods and the exact way you like them cooked, how you like to be held, and what you were thinking just by looking at you.

you once said that you loved flowers, when you were thirteen. it had always been a dream of yours to have someone give you them.

she now always buys you flowers, and keeps on top of when they need a refresh.

you eventually got the journal pages that she’d confessed to you with framed. she continued to write about you, and even for you. short little pieces, and even poems.

“i think something has always tied me to you”

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #shauna shipman x reader #shauna shipman #jackieshauna #teen shauna #shauna yellowjackets #headcaons

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neengareadynaaready · 3 months

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Salaar Part 1 (FULL SPOILER-Y REVIEW)

I finally saw Salaar on Netflix, and as promised, I am going insane over the guys Varadeva.

MUSIC

Music is by Ravi Basrur, same guy who did the scoring of KGF. Let me start by saying that I absolutely loved the songs of KGF. They were high-energy songs perfect for getting yourself hyped up for something. I went into watching Salaar expecting the same thing, but I was proven wrong.

The songs in Salaar are actually more varied. The children in the school singing, "Prathi Gaadhalo" gave me goosebumps. I applaud the fact that Ravi Basrur has such range and versatility in the music he composes and arranges but you can still see his signature in his creations.

KGF & SALAAR?

Speaking of signatures... The visuals are beautiful. Obviously, Prashanth Neel's style is coming through in KGF and now Salaar. Also, there was something in the way the story is told to Shruti Haasan's character, just like how Rocky's story is narrated in KGF.

90% (or more) of mass action films have a flashback portion where the hero's backstory is revealed. In most cases, it's to clarify the hero's motivation or to show us his heroism/what he suffered/his traumas, etc.

In Salaar and KGF, the flashbacks are the entire story. In KGF, it's through an interview for things that happened in the past. In Salaar, the present and the past are more connected. It reminded me of Baahubali Part 1 where the present-day events make up the first half before we then dive into the entire backstory of Amarendra Baahubali. Mahendra's/Shiva's story in the present only really starts in the 2nd movie.

So this is where my ramblings lead to: we all know SS Rajamouli is thinking on a bigger scale. He's thinking epics. With KGF and Salaar, it feels like Prashanth Neel is gearing up for that, too. A lot of the people who dismissed KGF said it was because it was style over substance, which I'm fine with, to be honest, because what PN was trying to do in that movie was obvious, from the storyline to the music especially. He was trying to create a legend, the Legend of Rocky Bhai. Even if the story is not that unique and/or cringe, the fact is Rocky Bhai will now go down in history as one of the most unforgettable mass action characters of Indian cinema.

Here, in Salaar, we get a new world. It is in Khansaar where our epic unfolds.... (At least that was the vibe I was getting while watching.) I mean, Prithviraj said Salaar had Game of Thrones vibes. I'm a sucker for court politics in an interesting new world, so I was hooked. Also, that revelation of Deva being the rightful heir to the throne? C'mon, it's obvious, but it's a classic for a reason. It's such good angst and how Varadha and Deva navigate this revelation when it's revealed to everyone in Part 2 is gonna be amazing.

VARADHA and DEVA

In general, I think most of the characters are very interesting. Not gonna lie, I lost track of some of them midway through the movie. I was consumed by Varadeva every time they were both on screen.

Look, I kinda wished Ranga was still alive so there's that one character that has it out for Varadha and Deva would have to come to his rescue again in Part 2. Anyway, he was an interesting character because he spiraled so fast, and he was always clinging to Rudra's arm and going "I have never asked you for anything since childhood. I want Varadha." and then he was bawling his eyes out, like what a certifiably insane character.

Prabhas and Prithviraj's interactions were really very interesting and fun. I wish we had more. They bantered while fighting, and you can feel they're the type to make fun of each other and have fun. But you can also see how much they truly care for each other that time when Naarang was wielding his sword. They're like, "No, kill me, spare him." DUUUUUUDE. I loved that.

And when Varadha made up his mind, Deva was ready to support him. Who knows what's gonna happen in Part 2.

Action is okay. Was very nice to see them fight side by side.

OVERALL

The cast of characters, the story, the premise, the subplots going around... I'm excited for Part 2!

#salaar #varadeva #telugu cinema

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themousefromfantasyland · 4 months

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The Guardians: A Fairy Tale Space Opera

Well, as people who follow me know, during this holiday season I will be exploring William Joyce's Guardians of Childhood book series, the books that inspired DreamWorks' Rise of the Guardians.

Today I will be exploring the backstory of this universe, the story that happened before the main story began, a tragic tale about how a family loss brought a space-faring civilization to its end.

Spoilers: More than 50% of the main cast are actually immortal aliens and they are technically war refugees.

Everything began with the Golden Age, when dreams could come true.

The Golden Age is said to be a time of peace, prosperity and imagination, where humans and other magical beings travelled through the cosmos building kingdoms and empires.

Royal families rulled over constellations, groups of stars and planets, and which seem to be the main administrative unit of this space civilization. In typical fairy tale fashion, these royal families were said to have ruled over these planets with justice, fairness, and imagination.

One of these royal families was the House of Lunanoff, represented by Tsar Lunar XI and his wife. The Tsar's first in command was Kozmotis Pitchiner, Lord High General of the Galaxies.

Lord Pitchiner led the Golden Age armies against the most dangerous foes of this period, the Dream Pirates, the Fearlings and the Nightmare men.

The Dream Pirates were a race of evil beings that used to destroy planets and extinguish stars. At first, they used to steal people's dreams for ransom, but then they eventually learned that they could gain power by absorbing these dreams. Dreams were to these creatures what blood is to vampires. By completely draining a person from their dreams, they could transform them into their mindless slaves.

It is never clarified, but I heavily suspect that the Fearlings, the more generic shadow creatures, are the people who got their dreams stolen and became these mindless shadows. And I think the Nightmare Men are just the Fearlings with more physical form.

Lord Pitchiner lived with his wife and his daughter, Emily Jane, on a moon on the Constellation of Orion.

Lady Pitchiner was always a very vigilante mother, super protective of Emily Jane, always trying to keep her close to home. But Emily Jane was a free spirit, and inherited her father's love for sailing. She loved to slip out of her bedroom at night to sail among the stars.

One day, reports of Dream Pirates forced Lord Pitchiner to leave his wife and daughter behind.

Dream Pirates had been reported off the tip of Orion’s sword. Lord Pitch hurriedly said his farewells to his wife and daughter to hunt down the scoundrels. The family never liked saying good-bye; they tried not to think of the dangers that would be faced. But this time Emily Jane had made for her father a silver locket containing her picture. He was very pleased by it and put it around his neck as he kissed her.

“I’ll be back soon,” he told her.

“Promise?” she said.

“On my soul,” he replied.

But it was all a trick, a trap. Lord Pitchiner was known as a noble and respectable hero, showing mercy to all criminals captured under his watch. The pirates already tried assassinating him several times, but they failed every single time. If they couldn't kill him, they would destroy his spirit.

The Dream Pirates wanted to destroy his spirit by attacking his family right under his nose.

Late at night, the Dream Pirates attacked both the villa and palace where Lady Pitchiner and Emily Jane lived on that moon.

During the attack, amid all explosions from the cannons, Lady Pitchiner immediately went to check on her daughter only to realize she had slipped away during the night.

Good! Lady Pitchiner thought. She’s out on her ship! For once, she was thankful rather than angry that her daughter was so rebellious.

Hearing the pirates crashing through the door, Lady Pitchiner grabbed a doll and jumped through the window in an attempt to protect Emily Jane. Soon, the pirates would think that both her and her daughter were dead.

When Lord Pitchiner returned, he found his palace and the rest of the moon as nothing more than ruins.

Once all Dream Pirates of that attack surrended themselves and were aboard Lord Pitchiner's flagship, they did not face the same noble warrior, but a man on the brink of madness. When they confessed that both his wife and daughter were dead, Lord Pitchiner cut the heads of every one of them.

For eons the pirates had been seen as dangerous criminals. Now the people of the Golden Age viewed them as an evil that had to be eradicated. Soon hate became the center of how this war was waged, and hate is a powerful force. It can make bad men worse and good men nearly mad.

The war against the Dream Pirates intensified. In the end, all Dream Pirates and other dark beings were captured by the Golden Age armies and locked up in a distant planet on the outskirts of the galaxy. The planet prison only had a single entrance, and without any more reasons to continue living, Lord Pitchiner decided to keep watch on them, so no other nightmare creature could ever escape.

Meanwhile, Emily Jane watched her home be destroyed, and among a school of star fish, she sailed away without destination.

And so Emily Jane traveled far from her home and far from her sorrow, until she came to an unexpectedly safe place—the Constellation called Typhan. Before the War of the Dream Pirates, Typhan had been a maker of storms and was a powerful ally of the Golden Age. He could conjure up solar winds so vast and terrible, they would scatter whole fleets of Dream Pirate galleons when required.

But the wily Dream Pirates had managed to ravage him and render him harmless: They had extinguished the stars that had been his eyes. Once blinded, he could no longer see the pirates as they attacked. And they had been merciless, killing so many of his stars that his once-vivid outline was nearly gone. He was now a forgotten ghost of his former self, and he had lost the will to make storms or to fight. He was a mournful, pitiful Titan. Only the harmless Star Fish ever swam among Typhan’s few remaining stars and moons.

Yes, we have a literal living constellation. This god-like being kept watch over Emily Jane over many years, and on a small moon near him she found a home. She used the passing wrecks of abandoned ships drifted by to build a home for herself. She positioned dozens of telescopes all over her small moon so she could be the eyes of Typhan. Everything she might need, food, supplies, clothes, furniture, books, she found in the abandoned wrecks that strayed close enough to her moon.

Typhan taught her everything he knew, including the powers of controlling and making storms. Although he considered her his daughter, she kept waiting for her real father to one day come back to her.

Emily Jane grew bitter and vengeful, and she started discounting her frustration on every ship that passed nearby.

Typhan saw when she used her storm powers to send a small ship to their doom. He confronted her, but she defied him.

Using his storm powers, he sent Emily Jane's moon across space, transforming it into a literal shooting star. Trying to avoid being fried by the resulting energy, she went deeper into the core of the moon and there she became imprisoned.

This is when we meet the League of Star Captains. For generations they had steered stars to every corner of the universe, their primary duty being to bestow the wishes made to them. If the wishes were good, strong, and from the heart, they would send a dream to help the people to achieve them.

Sanderson Mansnoozie, our dear Sandman, was one of them. Long story short, he found Emily Jane's star and became friends with her. Soon, they were traveling the cosmos hearing and granting wishes. During all this time Emily Jane only wished one thing, that her fathicoukd find her.

But even inside their prison on the edges of the galaxy, the Dream Pirates heard Emily Jane's wish. They found out she was still alive. And they knew how they could escape.

Lord Pitchiner kept Emily Jane's silver locket with him during all times, and he did nothing but stare at it in absolute sorrow all day. Then the dream pirates started imitating Emily Jane's voice.

At the beginning Lord Pitchiner knew this could not be possible. His daughter was dead, and not locked inside that prison. But the pirates kept insisting so much, that in a moment of absolute desperation he opened the door.

Every single dark creature locked inside, now reduced to shadow creatures thanks to all those years locked away, attacked Lord Pitchiner. Hundred of dark beings possessed him, transforming him into a giant being of pure hatred. They transformed him into Pitch, the Nightmare King.

Leading an army of Dream Pirates, Fearlings, and Nightmare Men on his Nightmare Galleon, Pitch assaulted all constellations, plunding planets and extinguishing stars.

He went in search of good dreams, especially those of children. He had the power of transforming children into nightmare creatures like his own, and he enjoyed how much they suffered through their transformation...how painful it was.

Bunnymund, our dear Easter Rabbit, came from an ancient race of intelligent rabbits called Pookas and they were the oldest creatures of the universe. Pitch went after them, until only one of them was left, this one taking refugee on Earth.

Pitch also went after Sandman and Emily Jane's star. She was horrified once she saw his father in his nightmare form for the first time.

Sandman flew away on Emily Jane's star as fast as he could. All to escape Pitch's Nightmare Galleon. This lead to a collision course to Earth.

Sandman could hear all the wishes of Earth's children imploring for the shooting star to not crush them. Hearing a wish from deep space, Sandman managed stop the star from destroying Earth. The star exploded on a island of magical dream sand that kept Sandman asleep for hundreds of years.

Emily Jane, finally freed from the star, found that all wind and rain from Earth addressed her as mother. She brought Earth's first storms and became known as Mother Nature.

Pitch became desperate in finding a new child. He heard of a prince who never had a nightmare. This was the young prince of the House of Lunanoff. He promised to transform him into his Darkling Prince.

The Tsar and Tsarina, fearing for their son's safety, travelled on their ship, the Moon Clipper, to a distant planet, our Earth, where they hoped Pitch couldn't never found them.

The wish that Sandman had heard from space was the young prince's wish.

The young prince was protected by a young, immortal boy made of stars. This was Nightlight, and he was the first guardian of childhood.

When Pitch's Nightmare Galleon found and fought the Moon Clipper, Nightlight knew he had to act. The young prince must not become a darkling prince.

Using tears from the Lunar Prince, Nightlight created a dagger to fight Pitch. Nightlight had the power to transform his loved one's sadness into strength to protect them.

Flying right into Pitch's heart, Nightlight caused an enormous explosion that crashed the Nightmare Galleon straight into Earth. The explosion destroyed the Moon Clipper's ability to sail away and it become our good and old moon.

With both of his parents dead, the young Lunanoff Prince was raised by the Moonbots, moonmice, and moon moths that lived in his parents' enormous moon-spaceship. He lived a carefree, but solitary existence, until through his father's telescope, he found out about Earth's children.

He then used an army of livingoon beams, living creatures made of Moon light, to protect the hopes and dreams of the children of Earth.

And things remained the same, until a moon beam accidentally found and freed both Nightlight and Pitch that were trapped inside a large cave for hundreds of years. This would set the events of our series to take place.

@ariel-seagull-wings @thealmightyemprex @tamisdava2 @mask131 @princesssarisa @angelixgutz @amalthea9 @the-blue-fairie @natache @theancientvaleofsoulmaking

Any thoughts?

#christmas #rotg #rise of the guardians #guardians of childhood #william joyce

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waitmyturtles · 1 year

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First review of the year, yay, and it’s for a GOOD ONE: the totally wonderful, heart-fulfilling She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat (Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna/TsukuTabe)! This was a GREAT DORAMA, with LOTS going on. I’m giving this the ultra-deep treatment, so: long post and spoilers!

(I know some folks had issues with finding the dorama to watch; please follow @furritsubs for all the info!)

I had posted an update on my viewing of the show earlier in December, and I’ll quickly review the context in which this show was aired, although my last post kinda explains things, too:

So I’ve written before that NHK, Japan’s largest broadcaster, doesn’t always mind taking risks with their shows, like the wonderful Life as a Girl and many more. As well, NHK has a number of different show formats, the most famous one being their asadoras, or 15-minute everyday morning dramas (asa = morning, dora = short for dorama). NHK also has a late-night 15-minute drama format called a yorudora, and TsukuTabe was their latest 10-episode installment before the end of 2022. (Many Japanese QL shows air in late-night slots -- like Kinou Nani Tabeta and Cherry Magic on TV Tokyo -- I think in part because they are considered more “adult” and/or not necessarily meant for primetime/family slots. However, the popularity of these shows, I think, far outweighs their airing times.)

So! A late-night GL by NHK. And one that’s reminiscent of a few other shows -- namely, the aforementioned Kinou Nani Tabeta and Cherry Magic, both of which I saw echoes of in TsukuTabe. (For the IMPORTANT record: this was my first GL. If I’m missing any obvious GL tropes, forgive me in advance. And NHK has not shied away from queer/lesbian content before, most notably 2019′s Mistress.)

The show is set up between two neighbors, Nomoto and Kasuga. Nomoto loves to cook, but doesn’t have a huge appetite. And she loves to cook HUGE PORTIONS. Who’s gonna eat a huge portion of food?

She finds Kasuga in her building one day, carrying loads of delivery, which Kasuga clarifies is just for herself. Nomoto’s intrigued. She helplessly makes a huge meal one night, hears Kasuga approaching, and invites her in -- and away we go.

A couple of themes that I’m reflecting on. First, food. Damn it: Japan just WINS AT FOOD DORAMAS. YOU WIN! Food doramas -- Wakako Zake, Kodoku no Gurume, Kinou Nani Tabeta, SO MANY MORE -- you just suck me in. I even cook from these shows! LOOK AT THIS!

Yes, it IS beautiful!

At least in my opinion, when themes of food and cooking are connected to QL content in Asian content, I think the design is intentional to draw in food-loving audiences that may otherwise NOT watch QL. I felt that strongly with Kinou Nani Tabeta, which was wildly successful in Japan, not withstanding the unbelievable casting and acting of the A-list actors, Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou.

But what I loved first about TsukuTabe is that the themes of food and cooking were used to tell multiple story strands about Nomoto and Kasuga throughout the show. Whereas in KNT, it was the actual cooking and eating of dinner every night that shaped Shiro-san’s and Kenji’s permanent relationship together, Nomoto and Kasuga had individually defined, previous relationships with food and cooking that just so happened to coincide upon their meeting. For instance, Kasuga reveals that she eats tremendous portions to make up for a childhood that was very conservative and sexist, where she was made to eat smaller portions than her father and brother, and was oftentimes left hungry at night.

Nomoto herself reveals in the middle of the series to Kasuga that cooking for people makes her so happy that she can literally cry, and she does.

Nomoto hasn’t had anyone else in her life before who would respond to the huge portions she loves cooking. It could come off as transactional, but for Nomoto, it is not at all. Her huge portions of cooking are meant as an investment in another person. If another person ever responded to her huge portions with total abandon and appreciation, as Kasuga does -- then that person has totally fulfilled Nomoto’s emptiness.

But what I also love about this theme of cooking is that TsukuTabe uses it to make a distinct critique of male-oriented Japanese society -- in that Nomoto has previously been pegged as a family-oriented person for her love of cooking.

I LOVE THIS. Oooooh gosh, it is pointed and spicy. Oftentimes, I interpret cooking as a means of compassion and investment -- a definition of creating family through the intimacy of cooking and eating together.

BUT I LOVED THAT TsukuTabe turned this on its head. TsukuTabe’s storyline definitely checked me. Here, TsukuTabe points to its audience and says -- if you cook together, create a family together -- why does that responsibility always fall on women? Why does it always SEEM to fall on women? Even in the nostalgic gaze of adults reminiscing about their childhoods -- isn’t it usually the mothers making the home and table for their family? Do you KNOW what it TAKES for a mom to actually pull that shit off? I love that Nomoto calls bullshit on all of it in one shot.

And actually, KNT turned the tables a bit on this paradigm, too. KNT showed that a gay male couple could still say tadaima and okaeri to each other, to cook together, and to have dinner every night. I don’t think the KNT storylines were necessarily created as a critique of society, though -- those storylines were more meant to demonstrate to an audience that a gay male couple CAN be family. (EDITED TO ADD: the wonderful @bengiyo notes in the notes that KNT actually had quite a bit of critique about the way gay males are treated in society, and I totally agree, so I want to edit this post without hiding my previous content -- I think the writers of the KNT dorama and manga both handled the societal critiques in more subtle ways than in TsukuTabe. To reinterpret what I was trying to say about KNT -- I think the presentation of common familial practices in KNT was deliberate to demonstrate that those exact practices can absolutely be used in a same-sex relationship, helping a Japanese audience to see that family is family, no matter who’s in it.)

TsukuTabe does not shy away from the critiques. Besides this cooking-related storyline (I mean -- Kasuga literally being hungry as a child, chosen to receive less food than her younger brother -- BOTH of her parents were total misogynists), there’s also stories about equity told WITHIN the food itself.

In Japan, there are often assumptions held that between a cishet couple, a woman will eat less than a man. This concept is borne out in part by couples bowls, often given as wedding gifts, where one bowl is smaller than the other.

I actually first saw the trope of couples bowls in the second volume of the Old Fashion Cupcake manga. Togawa and Nozue are on a trip to an onsen, and are wandering the town in their onsen yukatas (very cute). They go into a ceramics store, and Nozue is silently struggling with wanting to get two bowls for himself and Togawa -- but all the couples bowl sets are different sizes. (The scene ends with the cashier leveraging her radar to create a set of two same-sized bowls for our darling Cupcakes.)

Kasuga is shown in the beginning of TsukuTabe at a restaurant ordering a karaage set. The shop’s master gives her less rice than the male customer sitting next to her. She seethes. And asks for more rice. She gets her full portion.

So we know that Nomoto eats less than Kasuga -- but I happen to really, deeply love the way this difference is portrayed in certain parts of the show, because I think it indicates that the series is treating this pairing as a cishet couple would normally be treated in everyday Japanese society -- the kind of society that TsukuTabe is very pointedly criticizing.

This scene depicts the gals eating haruko meshi, a salmon donburi topped with ikura (see footnote). I’m showing the first two screenshots purely for the GORGEOUS LOOKING DISH, HOLY EFF, but I love the overhead shot of their differing portions!

I love the looped critique shown in this shot, while also honing in on who Nomoto and Kasuga are, authentically. They’re gonna eat different portions because they’re different people, which, like, sometimes happens in a coupling. Why should they be treated differently than a cishet couple, simply for both being women? I think that’s what the show is saying.

AND: there’s a small but lovely resolution to this particular thread in the last episode. Kasuga takes Nomoto back to the restaurant where Kasuga was initially served less rice. The shopkeepers changed their policy, as Kasuga discovers -- and they ask all customers if they wanted a small, medium, or large portion of rice. Nomoto, of course, takes the small, and Kasuga takes the large.

Guh. I just love this. I really love the quiet critique happening in these shots, in these differing portions of food, that allow these two to be themselves while coming to terms with what it means for them to be spending time together.

So, speaking of spending time together, perhaps I saved the best for last in this review by analyzing the actual coupling of Nomoto and Kasuga together (but listen, okay, for me, the food ranks really high, REALLY HIGH).

Off the bat, the show doesn’t show any heat between these two. They don’t actually get together in the traditional sense -- no conversation about dating, no physicality, nothing. They just spend time together and talk and eat and cook. The manga itself only has three volumes in Japan, and I’m not even sure that they HAVE gotten together yet in the manga at present. I BELIEVE, by following Twitter and IG, that something MAY be brewing with them holding hands, but I’m honestly not sure yet. But back to the dorama:

Nomoto’s journey in this show is that she comes to realize that she is a lesbian, in love with Kasuga. In this case, her journey is similar to that of Ida in Kieta Hatsukoi, who begins to date Aoki, but doesn’t know what love feels like, because Ida has never dated before. He doesn’t know what it feels like, admits it, and wants to explore it.

So, Nomoto has never dated before. She’s talking about Kasuga to a co-worker, without revealing that Kasuga is a woman. The co-worker (HELLO, MORITA MISATO, LOVE YOU AND YOUR RISKY WORK) knocks Nomoto on the head with the obvious, which leaves Nomoto stunned:

And Nomoto goes into reflection mode, thinking about her childhood and teenagehood, when her friends ask her who she likes and who she’s dating.

(But, before that happens, a quick note on colors, inspired by @respectthepetty, the best colors analyzer -- while Nomoto is in the dark for some time in her revelations, Kasuga sees the light, and it’s made clear in the show that she likes Nomoto, which lights up her lonely and otherwise previously dark life.)

Much of Nomoto’s ultimate reflection on her past and her sexuality takes place in a literal fever dream, where she sees herself as a youngster, not relating to her friends (“everyone is dating now,” etc.). And then she sees Kasuga walking away.

(Where else did we see this? In Cherry Magic: The Movie, when Adachi wakes up from his accident in a fright -- starting his journey to acknowledging Kurosawa as his life partner, both internally and externally.)

In Nomoto’s case: she recognizes that she needs to grapple with her past, and move from it.

And then, Kasuga comes to Nomoto, food in hand, ready to care for Nomoto in her fever. As Nomoto eats alone after Kasuga departs, Nomoto finally acknowledges her feelings -- and is determined to be okay with them, no matter how society reacts to it, even saying it out loud.

What I LOVE about the character of Nomoto is that she’s not ever particularly weighed down by society. She thumbs her nose at it. She certainly hears her mother’s demands to “find a nice guy to settle down with.” She grew up with friends who expected her to date men. Yet, throughout the entire show, gender equity is the forefront conversation, and you can see some of the fire in this last screenshot of Nomoto. It’s the same fire you see in her in the first volume of the translated manga -- Nomoto just doesn’t stand for inequitable bullshit. Her own revelations about her own sexuality needed some time to simmer -- but society will not keep her back from being who she is. I LOVE the way she is written. (And Higa Manami played her BEAUTIFULLY.)

The show ends with Nomoto seeing the light, standing beside Kasuga.

Again: they don’t officially get together. Nomoto acknowledges that what she will do is stand beside Kasuga. Because I don’t know where the manga currently stands with them being an actual couple, I can’t blame NHK for not pushing this envelope, but I do wonder a touch if some viewers were disappointed by not seeing a romantic acknowledgement between the two of them.

For me, it’s no matter, as y’all know I love a good and quiet dorama. (My god, the biggest show of last season in Japan, Silent -- that didn’t even end with a kiss, I was a little shocked!).

TsukuTabe took the assumed roles of women and totally spun them on their heads -- a tremendously important exercise in a country that is not famous for its gender equity.

Tackling two major critiques of society -- gender equity and LGBTQ rights -- this show took on a LOT, it did not shy away from it, and I deeply loved and appreciated this dorama for it. There was so much going on. Hunger and starvation leading to companionship and fulfillment. It was a beautiful show, and watching it was a great way to end 2022.

* * *

Two quick footnotes. First: the actress who plays Kasuga, Nishino Emi -- y’all should follow her if you’re on IG. She is SO SO SO COOL. She’s a great singer, great fashion taste, everything! She’s badass.

Secondly, aaahhhh, I kinda got obsessed with haruko meshi! Really quick: haruko meshi is from Miyagi Prefecture, where Nomoto is from, and is like a salmon sashimi and ikura donburi, but instead, the salmon is cooked with the rice with seasonings, like takikomi gohan. Kinou Nani Tabeta has a GREAT depiction of takikomi or kayaku gohan -- you can add mirin, sake, and shoyu to your rice cooker to cook the rice in those seasonings with other ingredients, like veggies, mushrooms, or even fish. If you have kids, make takikomi gohan -- I have never met a child who didn’t like seasoned rice!

Anyway, anything with ikura floats my boat, so I think I’ll have to make haruko meshi soon (although maybe without a ton of ikura since it’s so damn expensive), but holy fuck, doesn’t it look so good?!? AAAAHHH, I LOVE FOOD DORAMAAAAASS!

#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #tsukutabe #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #kinou nani tabeta?#cherry magic the movie #old fashion cupcake #food dorama #higa manami #nishino emi #nhk #nhk yorudora #yorudora #nomoto x kasuga #kasuga x nomoto

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sp00ky-scary · 1 year

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I redesigned Harvey Dent

Basically all I did was make him gayer, anyway time for design notes and bonus Harvey without the coat

I'm not explaining how he became Two-Face because that would literally just be me explaining the lead up to and the plot of the Long Halloween with a few changes. I will however explain other parts of his life though… mostly just because I have to in order to explain his mental disorder. But what I will say is he and Bruce Wayne attended school together and were really good friends up until he became Two-Face. At which point their relationship became strained and difficult but Bruce would still describe them as friends, Two-Face idk if he would.

So basically as is almost a requirement for rogues at this point, Harvey had a really shit childhood. Mostly in relation to his father who was insanely abusive, this abuse led to Harvey developing DID (dissociative identity disorder) with his only alter being Harv (idk that's just the name I'm going with for now). Harv like in theory would be considered a protector but like he goes about it in not great ways, in some ways mirroring their fathers actions. Prior to becoming Two-Face, Harv like wouldn't front fully except when Harvey was in like really bad situations, and once Harvey left home was pretty I guess dormant until the Long Halloween stuff. To note Harvey was to some degree aware of Harv but didn't really understand like what was going on for a really long time. When Harvey had his mental break after the incident that left him disfigured, that and all the events leading up to it resulted in both Harvey and Harv fronting at the same time, and from then on it's very rare for only one of them to front. (I know that's like a bit illogical but we're also talking about Batman villains here).

I would like to clarify all the events during the Long Halloween prior to the incident were like 100% Harvey, like Harv was not involved, if anything Harv probably would've been more inclined to prevent Harvey's actions. Anyway personality time, pre Two-Face Harvey was basically a golden boy with a few anger issues, and despite his apparent belief in the justice system and doing stuff the right way, he didn't really adhere to all that (see literally everything that happened in the Long Halloween). Basically despite how others saw him as like a beacon of morality and like wanting the best for Gotham and being a good person, he like actually wasn't great, although admittedly as assistant D.A and D.A he did do some good work. Post becoming Two-Face he's obsessed with duality and his warped version of morality and justice, and is more openly violent. Harv isn't like the same as Harvey but they do share similarities, he's very defensive and protective, but he's more impulsive and his actions are based more on instinct and anger, and in terms of violence he's not more violent he's just a bit more sadistic. But really Harv exists in theory to do what's best for Harvey, and it isn't a case of Harvey's good and Harv's bad, both are complicated and the idea that one of them is good and the other is bad is a result of Harvey and his almost hatred of Harv, often projecting his issues onto him and for a long time believing that Harv is evil and a culmination of the negative parts of himself. Harvey had to spend a lot of years doing a lot of self reflection and therapy and stuff and it took him a long time to come to terms with Harv and the reality of their situation. I would like to note they do still have the coin gimmick, sometimes it is "do we do the right thing or the wrong thing" but sometimes the "right" thing and the "wrong" thing are both not great things, because as I said Harvey's prescribing to his own warped sense of morality and justice (also the coin is his dad's coin).

Okay design notes, he dresses pretty boring and basic before becoming Two-Face, because well he's a D.A not much room for fashion there, although he did always have some interest in fashion and like different styles of clothing but never got like the chance to explore that. As Two-Face they has the whole split gimmick with their clothes, the "Harvey" side often being nicer more toned down clothes, and the "Harv" side being more unusual clothes with clashing patterns and colours. Sometimes they do dress "nicer" but they'll still maintain the whole 50/50 split thing. As a result of the incident the left side of his face, part of the left of their neck, most of gis left hand and forearm, are disfigured, with a few patches across their chest and left upper arm from where the acid melted through Harvey's clothes. Don't question how he has more hair and how it's not really fried, comic logic. Also just to be "quirky" and "different" I guess his face isn't split exactly 50/50 I just liked the look of it being more uneven better. Oh also he still wears his wedding ring. Arkham, Two-Face is pretty chill unless someone sets them off so they don't have to deal with cuffs or a straight jacket or anything when out of their cell. I don't know how they got a mismatched uniform, I personally think it's funny if Arkham did it specially hoping that somehow it'd make them more content with being in a fucking asylum.

Random additional notes, they're bi, both Harvey and Harv although Harv doesn't particularly care for any kind of relationship. I wouldn't say they're friends with any of the rogues, but they've had close relationships with a few of them but those relationships do not last and often turn sour. I like to think they know how to sew and tailor and a lot of their clothes are made/modified by them. Also to clarify the use of both he/him and they/them pronouns. He/him is used if I'm referring to Harvey or Harv individually, they/them if I'm referring to them together since they do share a body and are both fronting the majority of the time.

#digital art #dc #dc comics #batman #rogues gallery #two face #harvey dent #just to note i am a highschooler who happens to have a special intrest in psychology #this is also a fictional character #so please excuse any inaccuracies with his DID #also im not aiming to demonise it and i did my best to write him in a way that to me doesnt #harvey is often pretty DID coded or he outright has it sometimes #so i decided to go with that #feel free to critque how ive written him though #ill gladly accept criticism and work to improve any issues #my art

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yanderu-deredere · 1 year

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How Gawain Dubhán Byrne, Gavin Ciarán Byrne, Eun-jeong Yoo, Ryuunosuke Yamamoto, Ryouta Watanabe react to a reader who has suffered a lot of abuse who distrusts people does not trust people only yanderes.

a/n: so i feel like i didn't really understand this request well! if i wrote this wrong, please send another request and clarify and id love to rewrite it for you!

as for this post, i wrote it as if the reader doesn't trust anyone other than obsessive people (aka yanderes)! hopefully that's what you meant! and, if not, like i said, my inbox is open! please clarify and id love to rewrite it for you!

english isnt my first language loool so sometimes i get stuff mixed up a lot

warning: implied child physical and emotional abuse

gawain dubhán byrne ★ profile

i think, first meeting you, you'd be really distrusting of him becos gawain seems just like any regular guy and gawain would be really intrigued by you becos you'd seem a lot like someone who'd need his help and his protection

it would be a lot of cat-and-mouse chasing, i think, where you don't trust gawain in the slightest but he can just sense that he needs to protect you, he just knows it and, if you let him, he'll keep you safe

this entire time he's trying to get you to trust him, he tries to still seem like a normal person (which is kind of his downfall loool but he doesn't know that)

eventually, something has to give lol and som,ething snaps probably and he probably feels forced to kidnap you and keep you in his apartment

don't you see? lovelock isn't safe! and you keep running away from him when all he wants to do is protect you from the scary world out there! it's so dangerous and you're so defenseless!

and now that the jig is up, you trust him! you can see that he's... dedicated to you, he won't hurt you. he'll keep you safe, just like he promised

once all of that is sorted, you'll probably open up to him about why you were running away from him and why you won't run away anymore

gawain didn't exactly grow up in an unstable home. in fact, his parents weren't perfect but they were always trying their best and that was honestly all gawain could ask for

so honestly speaking, that meant he didn't understand exactly what you had gone through at all

still, he'll take care of you. not before taking care of your family first. he won't tell you the details, of course, your precious ears shouldn't be tainted like that. but he'll drop a few hints

and then you won't have to worry your pretty about anything else cus he'll be here for you now!

gavin ciarán byrne ★ profile

first meeting gavin, you might not be as cautious as you are with other people becos gavin just normally has an unhinged nature about him

but gavin has an unnaturally good talent at spotting broken people and his radar pinged when he saw you

so, when he decided that he'd take you under his wing and take care of you, that you were his darling now, that normal unhinged nature might be way more noticeable than normal

either way, he's very open about what he wants from you and what he's happy to give so i don't thing there's much of a chase here

he wants to take care of you for the rest of your life! in exchange, all he wants is to belong to you, wholly and entirely, and for you to belong to him wholly and entirely!

that's not a lot to ask for, is it?

after it's established that he's obsessed with you and unwilling to hurt you in any way, you probably open up to him and he's understandably furious

for him, his parents were pretty much perfect so he never really had any complaints about his childhood. they could be pretty strict at times but what kid never complained about that?

he didn't think that all parents were like his but to think yours hit you and scarred you that much? that your family all participated in this torture of you? it disgusted him

would totally be the type of boyfriend husband (becos that's what he is to you now, right? since the two of you are getting right to it?) to try to meet your family right away and instigate shit loool

like he shakes your dad's hand and then breaks it and then like secretly threatens them and shit

absolutely causes drama

basically he wants revenge for you in the most telenovela way possible lmaooo

eun-jeong yoo ★ profile

it's been drilled into his head for a long time that he needs to conform to society's standards so you'd probably be super weary of him cus he'd come of as super normal

it won't be a cat-and-mouse chase like gawain becos he wouldn't wanna do anything to upset you

it would more be like you live your normal life and he just stalks you to make sure you're safe lmao

and that's how the two of you live your life forever until he either snaps and kidnaps you becos you're not taking care of yourself or you find out he's stalking you becos you find one of the cameras

once he's kidnapped you and trapped you, you realise that he's obsessed with you and that he just wants to take care of you and that he won't hurt you so you trust him now!

you'll probably explain to him why you didn't trust him before and then he'll realise

same hat? same hat!

he let go of his grudges with his family but it was a very long process for him becos the abuse he went through went on for years and years

he'd have to go thru that process again to forgive your family again lol and he's not even sure he'd want to go thru that

if you'll allow him, he'll exact revenge on your family. if you won't. he'll try to help you process your trauma the same way he processed his and the two of you can heal together! very nice and wholesome!

and he'll take care of you for the rest of your lives! he'll make sure nobody, especially your family, would be able to hurt you ever again!

ryuunosuke yamamoto ★ profile

japanese weeb absolutely comes off as a weird obsessed stalker fan so the two of you probably hit it of pretty well almost immediately

and, if not, he's so delusional that he thinks the two of you do loool and his delusional ass convinces you of his obsession with you which turns his delusion into reality? wildt

neway, the two of you would get together pretty fast and he'd swear to love you with all of his heart and that he'd protect you with everything he has

the two of you are also same hat? same hat! becos his parents were pretty shitty with him too! except he never got over it and exacted the revenge he wanted! and now one of them was in jail and the other was scattered somewhere in the ocean somewhere!

would you like him to do that with your family? he'd love to do that with your family? anything for you, baby!

and, if that's not what you want him to do, that's fine too becos he'll do it anyway just to make sure that they'll never have anything to do with you ever again

just know that everything he does is for you because he loves you!

ryouta watanabe ★ profile

tries to be normal at first but, if you try to run away from him because he seems too normal (so you don't trust him), he doesn't even give chase and like just kidnaps you

which, of course, confirms his obsession with you. he'll rant to you about how sorry he is, that he just wants to take care of you, that he knows how dangerous lovelock is and that he just wants to prevent the city from taking advantage of you

then, of course, you'd open up to him, and he'll realise that it's too late, that he wasn't able to stop the city from 'corrupting' you

unlike everyone on this list except ryuu you wont be able to stop him from absolutely decimating everyone who's ever hit you, insulted you or participated in abusing you

he'll ask his brother, his boss and all his coworkers to help. he'll make sure that nobody ever finds out what the hell happened to your family. they'll just become another missing person's report, another cold case, another mystery never to be solved

it's what they deserve for doing this to someone like you

and that'll solidify his dedication to you. it'll show to you how much he loves you, how much he cares for you, that he'll do anything for you

he'll burn this entire city down for you, he swears. he loves you

the two of you can live in his apartment and he'll provide for you and you can do whatever you want, as long as you follow his rules so you can stay safe, so that nothing bad ever happens to you

the two of you can life happy forever! together! just the two of you!

and your family will never bother you ever again

#yandere oc x reader #yandere x reader #male yandere #yandere #oc x reader #male oc #gavin #gawain #ryouta #ryuu #eunjeong #bulleted

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comfortfood-sydcarm · 4 months

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For the Writers

I have an idea for a jealous Carmen Fic!

Plot: The Bear hires a part-time waiter who is also a musician. He's a tall charming guy who plays lead guitar (of course) in a band. The new guy and Sydney hit it off very well from the start. The part-timer notices that Sydney always keeps a journal around and he asked her if she likes to write because his band is looking for some new music. Syd politely clarifies that she enjoys writing and planning new recipes but hasn't written anything beyond that in a very long time. In her high school years, Syd kept multiple journals where she would just write about anything that came to her mind. It was freeing and she missed that calming outlet she had to truly express herself.

Moving forward Syd spends more time with The Part-timer helping his band by writing and editing the lyrics for them. Here's were things get messy, Sydney has been writing down lyrics in her recipe/ planning notebook that she shares with Carmy. Over time the recipes and the poems get muddle together.

Now Carmen notices instantly the connection between Syd and The Part-timer and it makes him sick and foaming at the mouth. It doesn't help that the rest of the crew make sly comments on how good looking and charming The Part-timer is. When Carmy reads Sydney's recipe journal that has now has random poem written in he's just going through all the emotions. Carm is annoyed at how everything looks unorganized now. He's Jealous about some of the words because Sydney has never expressed herself like this to him before and the fact that this "musician" gets to know this side of Sydney make Carmen want to scream and throw a chair. But lastly Carmen is worried because some of the lyrics are a bit dark which cause him to worry about Sydney's mental health. It gets heated between Syd and Carm in the kitchen (because its them) as Carm is questioning her full focus this time which was the biggest mistake on him and he knows it. Eventually they both come to an even ground and have a heavy conversation. Syd explains what the lyrics about her childhood and growing up without her mother. Sydney shows Carmen some poems that she wrote about him in her journal. They were hidden on random pages but when she put them together they express how much love and admiration she has for Carmy.

#carmy x sydney #sydcarmy #Sydcarmy fan fic ideas #Syd would have a piles of journals #sydney adamu #chefs kiss #sydney x carmy #i just love them so much #i can't write #In the Sydcarmy void

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cosmicjoke · 1 year

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Further thoughts on Levi’s upbringing with Kuchel:

I wrote this as a reply in my original post about Levi’s childhood and Kuchel’s own trauma, but just wanted to put it in a separate post as well, to clarify some of what I meant.

Of course Kuchel loved Levi, absolutely. I never meant to imply otherwise. My point is only that, when considering their situation, it’s important to acknowledge that her love alone wouldn’t have been enough to shield him from the misery of the dire poverty and desperation of their circumstances. She was living a life of destitution, fear and struggle, and that translated to Levi. Again, we see him in a state of extreme neglect, living in what amounts to a hovel, at most, starving to death, filthy, alone, and waiting to die. This in no way speaks to a good or secure life or living situation. This in no way speaks to a situation in which Kuchel was able to adequately provide for her child. She was a single illness away, essentially, from Levi dying. When she became ill, that was a death sentence for Levi too. These things should be considered when talking about Kuchel’s ability to care for her son, I think.

I have no doubt Kuchel did all she could to protect and shield Levi. But my point is, in her struggle to even protect herself, the task of protecting and shielding him would have been colossal, and realistically, she wouldn’t have entirely been able to. Another poster suggested that Kuchel wasn’t actually living in the brothel she worked in, which I suppose is possible. I just assumed she was because we’re never given much indication otherwise. But even if she wasn’t living in the brothel, I think Levi’s unsurprised non-reaction to Kenny, a strange man he’d never met before, coming into his and his mother’s room and beginning to talk to her, is a pretty strong indication that Kuchel likely brought her clients home with her, and that Levi would have at some point been exposed to what she did for a living. If she tried to hide it from him by sending him away, or was having sex in alleyways outside where they were living, Levi could have easily seen something like that through the window, he could have wandered back inside or outside and seen, etc... There’s a million scenarios in which Levi could have been exposed to the life she was living, and again, talking in terms of realism, Kuchel wouldn’t have always been in a strong enough emotional or mental state to keep the damage her work was causing her from Levi either. It would have had a negative impact on her ability to care for him, to provide for him all of the emotional support a growing child needs. There’s also just the raw reality that Levi had to watch his mother die in front of him as a result of her work, which is the ultimate indicator of her not being able to shield him from the bleak reality of her life and what she was doing to provide for them.

I bring up again how withdrawn Levi was when Kenny first met him. He hardly spoke, and wasn’t at all open or talkative or friendly. That indicates that he was maladjusted socially. He wasn’t taught good social skills, wasn’t taught to be good at conversation or how to make friends, etc... and I think this likely has a lot to do with Levi being kept isolated and alone, and with Kuchel not being able to provide those things for him, too preoccupied with providing the most basic necessities, like just trying to keep Levi alive. Things like socializing him and playing with him and spending quality time with him would have taken a back seat to simply trying to make enough money to feed and cloth him. And again, we see from the state Levi is in when Kenny finds him, the rags he’s dressed in and his state of starvation, that Kuchel wasn’t able with any consistency or certainty to provide even those basic things. Not from lack of effort, I know. Again I’m not questioning Kuchel’s devotion to her child. I’m just saying that we have to consider Kuchel’s own circumstances to understand how those things which I’m sure she wanted to give to Levi, wouldn’t have been so easily provided as the fandom sometimes makes it seem. If she couldn’t provide adequate food or shelter or warmth for him on a consistent basis, then things like spending social time with him wouldn’t have been able to be provided on a consistent basis either.

Kuchel didn’t choose to go Underground to work as a prostitute. This isn’t a life that she actively sought and strove for. The very fact she’s underground at all speaks to it not being so much a choice, but a path taken in desperation. The Underground isn’t safe at all. It’s where people who are rejects from society end up, either outright criminals, or persecuted groups like the Ackerman’s. But it’s anonymous, which is why criminals flee down there, because they can escape the law, and so Kuchel could have left her real identity behind, and nobody would know who she was, because the people of the Underground aren’t registered citizens above, and are by and large ignored by the authorities above. The Ackerman’s were being hunted in general. The few members that fled to the countryside were still persecuted and struggled to make any kind of a living, experiencing poverty even above. It wasn’t safe for them anywhere on the surface, I imagine. Kenny stayed because Kenny is a violent man capable of taking care of himself. But Kuchel was just a young woman, maybe even a girl, and she was alone. So I don’t think one can classify her going Underground and becoming a prostitute as a decision she made with full agency or choice. The poverty and desperation she was living in speaks to it being a forced situation in which she had no other options. She didn’t end up in a situation in which she was financially stable or secure, or living comfortably. She was living at the least in a single room, with no comforts, with no luxuries of any kind, barely able to keep her child alive, and herself eventually succumbing to disease. With Levi being born, if she’d been capable and able to make it above, I’m sure she would have at least tried, if for nothing else, then to give Levi a better life. But she wasn’t able to because she had nothing. No resources, no recourse, no options. She also knew if she went above, she would continue to be hunted, and Levi in turn would be hunted too, which adds just another layer of desperation and no other options to Kuchel’s circumstances. So I just think these things are vital to understand when assessing what Levi’s situation was like in the first few years of his life with his mother. They weren’t good years. They were full of struggle and hardship and desperation, and that struggle and hardship and desperation would have made it incredibly hard for Kuchel to give Levi everything he needed, to take care of him in even the most basic ways a parent is expected provide for their child. Kuchel’s own trauma needs to be addressed, I think, to fully understand Levi’s.

#Levi Ackerman #Kuchel Ackerman #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

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an-angels-fury · 2 years

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MY SW TAKE ON: The Fandom Fight over the Skytwins Families

(Disclaimer: Before I started, I want to clarify, once again, that this is solely my opinion on this specific subject and I didn't intend to offend anyone. Thank you for your consideration...)

Okay, where do I start...? Well, what I can say about all this is:

DAMN! It's kind of shocking the way some people in SW fandom react so agressively when you say that you wish that Anakin and Padme could have raised Luke and Leia and be happy together. They'll jump in your throats, screaming things like:

"But Anakin didn't deserve to raise his children, you forgot the guy killed the younglings? Do you really think a child murderer who strangled his own pregnant wife would be a good father to Luke and Leia?"

"Padme wouldn't really be such a good mother. What else do you expect from a woman who fell in love with a child murderer, wanted to run away with him even after knowing that and chose to die even though she gave birth to two beautiful children who needed her?"

"You just ignore the Organas and the Larses and don't give value to everything they did for Luke and Leia. They loved their children and were better parents than Anakin and Padme could ever be."

And there are some things that I'd like to say:

1. I don't understand where this idea that Anakin and Padme didn't love their children comes from. There were many moments in ROTS (both movie and novelization) where both demonstrated to be happy and excited to be parents and have their own family. Also, they both had loving parents (Shmi and the Naberries) who were good models during their childhoods. Honestly, if Shmi, a single mother and slave, was capable of raising a good, kind and selfless kid all on her own for almost 10 years in a dangerous and hostil planet (in a much better way than the Jedi Order could ever do), I don't see why Anakin and Padme couldn't raise their own, especially if we consider they would have help from Padme's family and even from some close friends since they wouldn't have to hide their relationship anymore.

2. Honestly, even if their marriage didn't last and they get divorced (because people also love to talk about that and use it as an argument to prove their point), that doesn't mean they couldn't come into terms, still being close friends and try their best to help each other and give Luke and Leia the family they deserve, putting them as their priorities and loving them unconditionally. I'm not saying that things would be easy, nor perfect, nor that Luke and Leia wouldn't be affected somehow, but they still could have found a way to be happy and things could have worked out. I don't mind in reading some SW fanfics that try to tell their stories and paint their characters in a more realistic light (I love some angsty/dramatic fics that explore the emotional/psychological state of the characters, most especially Anakin, on the other hand, fics where Anidala get divorced or their relationship is depicted as abusive are FAR from being in my list of reading preferences), but since Star Wars will always, in its core, be a space fairytale, I enjoy much more when the fics are written with a touch of hope through the narrative and a happy ending (another reason to adore fluffly fics/one-shots so much).

3. I think that some people don't get that when me and others say that we wanted Anakin and Padme to raise their kids, we are talking about a totally different scenario from the one we got in canon. We want the Skywalker family together in a world where Anakin never turned to the dark side and never killed the younglings and other Jedi and Padme didn't have to go through all distress, depression, desparation and betrayal she did, reaching the point of breaking down and dying right after that (it's really disgusting to see that some people really accuse Padme for being a bad mother and blame her for f*cking dying - or judgining her for still love Anakin and believe there was still good in him even after the horrible things he did, but didn't saying a word about her son Luke for doing exactly the same damn thing). I want a world where Anakin leaves the Jedi Order, finally gets properly psychological help to lead with his emotional issues and trauma and has close people who care about him to give him love and support, a world where he and Padme finally had the time to discuss about their relationship, try to know each other better (and falling in love with each other even more in the process), learn to adapt to their roles as parents and getting used to their new lifestyle (I'd definitely love to found some story with this premise).

4- I understand that many fans get rightfully frustrated with people forgetting the roles of the adoptive parents in the twins' lives and in the shaping of their personalities and beliefs, but there's absolutely no reason to demonize both Anakin and Padme to emphasize the fact that the Larses and the Organas loved Luke and Leia more than anything in the galaxy and did it everything they could to keep their dear children safe. There's no necessity to make a competition/rivality between Anidala and the twins' foster families.

So, in short: wishing Anakin and Padme could have raised Luke and Leia, but also being happy the twins were raised by good and loving families shouldn't be a hot take or some kind of unpopular/polemic opinion. Also, stop trashing Anakin and Padme for being bad parents when they didn't even got the chance to raise their children and be a family just because you don't like the couple or the characters themselves.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk 👍

#I really needed to talk about this topic #because this is another discussion in the sw fandom that's getting really annoying and exhausting #especially because it shouldn't even be a discussion #but since it is I decided to contribute with my point of view #star wars #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #anidala #luke skywalker #leia organa #skywalker family #owen lars #beru whitesun #bail organa #breha organa #my thoughts

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withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick · 9 months

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this come out of nowhere really, I just can't get myself to sleep without sharing this but why in all time travel fanfic. sephiroth seems to be extra aware of his status of " experiment " ??? it just, I don't know. I don't say that sephiroth or even genesis and angeal are stupid but it's strange to me that they seem extremely aware about it in those fanfic. when in crisis core, that piece of Informations seems to be new to them. i mean, do I just see the wrong issue? the way they learn that they are experiment choked them to the core. none of them reacted well? sephiroth just thought that he was special he said it himself.

maybe he lied to himself or the company and hojo did not treat him like we thought they did , at least outside of those experiment. so I find it weird when I read fanfiction that the big 3 already knows and acknowledged it, when that information was one of the big reveal and issues of crisis core.

also sephiroth not technically being 100 % aware of his experiment status means that most of us write hojo extremely wrong when he interacted with sephiroth. I mean, I don't know he seems to snob every one but sephiroth. in ff7, he was just weird, extremely fixed on sephiroth.

or maybe I interpreted it the wrong way ? maybe I am just stupid I don't know. I don't want to say something stupid.

I don’t think this is stupid at all and you are definitely not stupid, lovely! No one is stupid for expressing their opinions, even and especially when those opinions go against the crowd. And nothing’s wrong with a little critique lol, keeps me humble

(long text as always, but main points highlighted red lovelies)

Truth is, most fanfic around Sane!Sephiroth is heavy headcanon, and I am no better. We know (somewhat) that Sephiroth was raised in Nibelheim for some time but obviously didn’t see the townspeople as he has no memory of them, so it’s easier to conclude he was raised in a lab or some other isolated Shinra area. Sephiroth doesn’t actually know much about his origins, neither in canon nor in my fic. He doesn’t even believe he has parents, which he doesn’t cause they’re both ass or dead, but that’s beside the point lol. Sephiroth’s backstory just gives a lot of room for headcanons and the fandom sort of mutually agreed “Yup he’s traumatized as shit” and rolled with it

Now what I definitely took creative liberties with is his confiding in Genesis and Angeal about this childhood trauma. This is a much bigger stretch and more than likely not directly canon, but since I have them in a romantic relationship, there definitely had to be some opening up about what the fuck Hojo was calling Sephiroth into a lab for once a week (back when things were *bad* bad). I think in canon, Genesis and Angeal undoubtedly spotted some things that helped them see that Seph wasn’t completely normal, but they took it in stride because they’re good friends like that.

I would like to clarify one thing: the Firsts are aware that *Sephiroth* was treated badly during his childhood, but only as a SOLDIER child. They don’t have a clue about Jenova and the extent of what Hojo/Hollander/Gast did. Sephiroth doesn’t even know the full extent of what was done to him because as far as he’s aware, he’s a mako SOLDIER with a few gimmicks wired in. Traumatizing? Yes. Inherently monstrous? In his own eyes occasionally, but he’s got other people similar enough to him he can be talked away from it

The introduction of Jenova was nerve wracking and brand new and horrible and gut wrenching. They didn’t ask to be implanted with literal alien cells before their births, doomed to unstable and insane deaths before they’d taken their first steps. Sephiroth grew up a child SOLDIER, but monsters? Artificially made ones perhaps. A little gene splicing, even breeding, like how humanity helped the Liger happen (lion-tiger breed). But monsters that used to be *people*? That was new, and that terrified him. And that’s what sent him into the spiral. So I mean, you’re right. Jenova’s existence does shock them to their core, but Sephiroth’s entire childhood did not revolve around Jenova. Even if his purpose was to be a ‘mock Ancient,’ his developmental years revolved around being a weapon for war.

While I’m on that nofe, I’ve seen some comments on Sephiroth’s “alien cells” comment when he speaks to Zack on things for the first time and I want to clarify: when Sephiroth says alien cells, he meant foreign to the human body, not the fucking earth. None of them have a right clue what Jenova is, just like in canon

Also Everybody Hates Hojo so honestly I don’t think people are concerned? This is a man who was definitely not above experimenting on children, manipulated, nearly killed, and then experimented on a former friend, took advantage of a life/scientific partner for the advancement of an experiment and admitted to having seen her as nothing more than a tool, referred to Aerith as her species rather than a person and planned to literally breed her with another species (facilitated rape, basically), and in the OG game, helps fuel a major mental breakdown of Cloud’s for basically…no fucking reason? Not to mention DoG where he just…decides the planet’s fucking moving lmao. Literally goes “Ah yes, let me follow in my son’s footsteps and genocide the whole population so we can sail the stars :D”

the man is fucking mental regardless. just a personal opinion, but any rendition of Hojo is somewhat accurate if his cruelty is kept. I will admit that my Hojo is more reminiscent of an abusive parent because…that’s sort of what he is, and there’s some projection of my own personal experiences happening

And that’s an aspect of all fiction ofc, and especially fanfiction. Renditions change with authors because authors have different experiences. I can’t begin to tell you all the things I’ve accidentally or purposefully projected into this story.

Honestly I could write more but my eyes keep crossing and I should go to bed myself lol. Your ask really made me think so thanks for submitting! Hope I actually answered you amidst all my nonsense babble, and I hope you get some sleep!!!

#ff7 #cloud strife #ao3 #ff7 cloud #final fantasy 7 #zack fair #archive of our own #ff7 genesis #fanfic #ff7 crisis core #ff7 angeal #ff7 fic #wgpcmfg #liddle’s asks

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aroace-polyshow · 26 days

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Ha llegado el tiempo más esperada del país! La hora de la miseria en la cueva del homosexual :D

I feel overly annoying and confident so I decided to make you an analysis on why Eight by Sleeping at Last would make a beautiful hw song. I always imagined it a good Nene com, but since it doesn't quite match the music box event, maybe it'll serve you as inspiration for another one? Also Google isn't showing me the lyrics so I'm going to write them myself with extra emotionality✨, sorry about that.

Putting the lines colour coded for the characters and blue if I have no idea.

I remember the minute

it was like a switch was flipped

I was just a kid

Nene upon realising she forgot her words, completely alone in a hall full of people staring at her.

Who grew up strong enough to pick this armor on

And suddenly it fit

A LOT OF THINGS. Could be Tsukasa giving into his role of a people pleaser to make Saki and everyone around him happier at his expense, could be Emu giving up her "childish" behaviour after the Wonder Stage was closed off, could be Rui accepting that he is a monster and coming to live as a loner.

And god that was so long ago, long ago, long ago...

Nene and Rui. Do I even need to clarify?

I was weak and perfectly naive

And I grew up too quick

All of them honestly. What happened with Hollow Wonderland and having to give up their childhood to soon?

Now you won't see all that I have to lose

And all I've lost in the fight to protect it

Emukasa, constantly giving up, constantly fighting, yet so completely lost in the dark.

I won't let you in, I swore never again

I can't afford, no, I refuse to be rejected

Ruinene but actually all of them more or less, especially the fear of rejection part.

I want to break these bones 'til they're better

I want to break them right and feel alive

Ruikasa coded, to me. Rui who needs to be fixed just like the robots he fixes. Tsukasa who'd run his blood dry if it meant Saki could go out of the hospital.

You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong

My healing needed more than time

EMU. EMU WHO NEVER GOT TIME TO GRIEVE HER GRANDPA, EMU WHO NEVER HAD ENOUGH TIME TO HEAL OVER THE WONDER STAGE AND NOW SHE DOES BUT IT'S STILL SO SO LONELY AND WEIRD FOR HER TO EXPRESS EMOTIONS.

When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things

I see the familiar

Something about Nene writing songs that capture the feelings of all those who were never let themselves cry. Something about Emu recognising Mafuyu's smile as something horrid because she's seen it before. Something about Tsukasa's lyrics always sounding like bedtime lullabies that he never got to hear. Something about Rui seeing the loneliness both of them hoard, a dim light in their eyes too familiar to forget.

I was little, I was weak, I was perfect, too

Now I'm a broken mirror

Could be anyone honestly this fits too well.

But I can't let you see all that I have to lose

All I've lost in the fight to protect it

I can't let you in, I swore never again

I can't afford to let myself be blindsided

All of them once again but can I just say HOW MUCH THE ATMOSPHERE CHANGES FROM THE FIRST ONE?? THEY'RE BEGINNING TO BE VULNERABLE YET THEY STILL RECOIL AT THE TOUCH, THEY DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE YET THEY FEAR PRESENCE MORE THAN ANYTHING. IS THIS ANYTHING. DOES ANYONE HEAR ME?

I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart

And all I want is to trust you

COULD BE RUI BUT COULD ALSO BE EMUNENE. JUST IMAGINE A VERY SAD EMU IN SMILE OF A DREAMER, CLOSE TO CRYING AS SHE HIDES AWAY, AND NENE COMING IN TO CARE FOR HER. IMAGINE THE TRUST. IMAGINE IT'S FAULTS.

Show me how to lay my sword down

For long enough to let you through

TSUKASA WITH THE SWORD OF THE KNIGHT PROTECTING THOSE HE LOVES AT HIS OWN EXPENSE. RUI WITH THE SWORD HE WAS GIVING A BIRTH — HE WAS BORN A WEAPON AND A MONSTER. ONCE AGAIN: TRUST. THE KIND OF "PLEASE SHOOT ME AND HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS AS I DIE BECAUSE I CAN'T SAVE MYSELF AND I WON'T FORGIVE MYSELF IF I HURT YOU" TRUST. THE RUIKASA TRUST.

Here I am, pry me open

What do you want to know?

I'm just a kid

RUIEMU RUIEMU I CAN'T EXPLAIN BUT JUST— TWO KIDS WHO'S CHILDHOOD WAS RIPPED AWAY FOR BEING OSTRACIZED FOR SOMETHING THAT WASN'T THEIR FAULT.

Who grew up scared enough

To hold the door shut

And bury my innocence

NENEKASA. I know Tsukasa doesn't have anxiety nor anything close to it, but holding the door shut could be a way to show him staying at home while his parents spend their time with his dying sister. Alone in his room. Scared of monsters under his bed no one else will ever get to see because no one has walked into the house in more time he can measure.

But here's a map, here's a shovel

Here's my Achilles' heel

SOBBING HEAD IN HANDS STOMPING ON THE FLOOR BLOOD AND GUTS ALL OVER THE PLACE AS I SMASH MY SKULL INTO LITTLE PIECES THEY MAKE ME SO ILL

I'm all in, palms out

I'm at your mercy now and I'm ready to begin

The found family. The found FAMILY DUDE I CAN'T

I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough

To let you IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

They have healed thanks to each other and now they're ready to take on the world.

I'LL SHAKE THE GROUND WITH AAAALL MY MIGHT

AND I WILL PULL MY WHOLE HEART UP TO THE SURFACE

NENE. NENE.

For the innocent, for the vulnerable

And I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose.

For the innocent goes to Emu for having to bury her own self in the backyard with tears in her eyes and mud under her nails. The vulnerable goes to Rui because he never got to be vulnerable with anyone but the one's he Rui-ned (never making that pun again). Because he was a born monster and monster don't have any feelings, so what's the point? And the "front lines with a purpose" part goes to Tsukasa because... Wow he finally found why he likes theatre so much, didn't he?

And I'll give all I have:

I'll give my BLOOD, I'll give my SWEAT

AND AN OCEAN OF TEARS WILL SPILL FOR WHAT IS BROKEN

ALL OF THEM SINGING IT TOGETHER PLEASE. THEY HAVE SACRIFICED SO MUCH AND GOT SO LITTLE, NOW THEY'RE WILLING TO TRY AGAIN AND SACRIFICE THEMSELVES FOR EACH OTHER.

I'm shattered porcelain

Glued back together again

INVINCIBLE like we've never been

What's that thing about filling your cracks with gold? What's that thing about fireflies shining in the dark of night? Yeah that thing.

ksdhjffd HI HELLO WELCOME. THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD rotating this in my brain oh my god. i have some little notes on some lines that also mean a lot to me for other characters btw

“But I can't let you see all that I have to lose/ All I've lost in the fight to protect it “

^ this one feels also ruicore. as in protecting nene. nene is all he really has left to lose. yk.

“I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart/And all I want is to trust you/Show me how to lay my sword down/For long enough to let you through”

^ tsukasa fucking tenma who needs to be taught vulnerability is A Thing he’s allowed to do

“And I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose.” <- i have nothing to add for this one it’s so tsukasa but i just need to let you know how much i LOVE THIS LINE. also your rui-ned pun was awful i hope you do it again /silly

anyway. ourdfghfsggfdhjjksagjhfgfdfhdf oh this is good. this is very very good. this is so rumdfjhgsjms,admfghafngfsd. i need to be put down thank you for sending this de tu cueva homosexual /silly

#asks #hollow ☆ wonderland #long post

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anonymous-dee · 1 year

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Me Oversharing About My Favorite Movie

Okay, so I've been meaning to do a full and intense analysis of "In This Corner of the World" for a WHILE now, but it's been hard to put my words and thoughts together in an articulate manner. I'm going to attempt this time! Whoa! OKAY SO, In This Corner of the World is literally my favorite movie of ALL TIME!!! There is so much symbolism and overlying themes on top of the amazing animation, OST, story, and characters.

So let's start with the fact that I literally love Suzu Urano and relate to her on a spiritual level (she's just like me fr fr). The movie covers her life before, during, and after WW2, and the entire movie is a coming of age story about Suzu's life and how her experiences with the war shape her as a person.

First of all, it's important to establish one key theme that is consistent throughout the movie: Suzu's desire to remain innocent and oblivious, and how the movie employs various scenes in order to depict Suzu's journey through her adolescence and early adulthood.

So let's start off with Suzu's childhood. A lot of her childhood moments are embedded with Japanese folklore and art that literally blend into her reality. As the viewer, it's hard to interpret whether or not she was really kidnapped by the beast character at the beginning when she goes into the city to deliver seaweed. This also occurs when the house spirit shows up at her grandmother's house and starts eating the leftover watermelon rinds (though, Lin turned out to be a real character, so I wonder if Lin was a Yokai after all)? Anyways, the next scene that stood out to me in this regard was when Suzu was painting the water and the white rabbits for Mizuhara's assignment.

There is a scene where Mizuhara is walking away and the animation depicts it in the style of Suzu's painting across the entire screen, as if the realities have blended together.

Lastly, there are all the stories that Suzu would tell her younger sister; All of these factors point to the indisputable fact that Suzu had an amazing imagination in her youth. I'm sure you're wondering why that's significant, if you've read this far, and let me tell you why.

Suzu gets married at 18 years old and moves to Kure to live with her new husband and in-laws. She immediately has to take over for her mother-in-law, who suffers from a bad leg. Suzu's childhood abruptly ends at this point in time. She has to take on the full responsibilities of being a homemaker and serving her community. She almost seems to appear sad about having to grow up so quickly, and I think I can assume this based on how she reacted to Shuzaku asking for her hand in marriage (albeit indirectly through her family), and then her apparent lack of enthusiasm towards getting married.

I'd like to take a moment and project some of my own vibes onto my girl Suzu. So, NOT INCLUDING THE WW2 stuff, I've always found her situation low-key relatable, and yet almost desirable. Let me clarify; I totally understand and empathize and feel and relate towards her innermost feelings of wishing to return to the simpler times of her childhood and to regain that same sense of childhood innocence and simplicity.

But... I sort of inevitably want to romanticize the idea of meeting someone as a child, and then like 10 years later they show up and they're like "hey I never forgot about you, I want to ask for your hand in marriage" and then you go live with a nice family on a pretty mountain and do silly little tasks and chores and cook and clean and water the flowers in the garden... HEAR ME OUT. There's something kind of ideal about that lifestyle, and I'll explain more as to why I think that.

I'm white and American, right? So there's this huge concept for a lot of us that is very distinct from a lot of POC cultures (especially Asian and Hispanic, as far as I know), where our families and our culture value independence and self sufficiency. For a lot of people like me, it's "move out when you're 18, get a good job, provide for yourself, etc." I'm not saying that only white people have this experience, but this is also an American value as well. In many Asian and Hispanic cultures, I know that a lot of people live with their families in intergenerational homes. Grandparents, parents, and children will all share the same space and support each other and live together, and as someone who will never get to experience that it definitely makes me wonder what it is like to grow up in an environment like that.

And it also makes me almost desire Suzu's situation because she lives with an entire household of people who are all working together and supporting each other, and while yes Suzu is the main homemaker, she isn't alone and all of Shusaku's family is supporting her.

Anyways, back to your regularly scheduled entertainment...

There's a lot to say about WW2 and I don't have enough space to write about it. One of the things I find REALLY spectacular about this movie is about its domestic portrayal of the war. And how different I think it is in comparison to most other movies in its genre. I think that most movies that focus on Japan and WW2 employ Hiroshima/Nagasaki and/or a military perspective (please correct me if I'm wrong), or at least that's usually the main things we think about when many of us think of Japan and WW2. So by taking a domestic approach and also combining the overarching genre to be a coming of age story, it can really shed light onto what a regular person's life may have been like throughout the war, and how one's everyday life changes from before wartimes (as well as after). Grave of the Fireflies also does this very well.

War changes people (duh). But it's a very interesting concept to see how WW2 affects the people who are not actively fighting in the war, and how their daily life changes. (Am I being redundant? I apologize oof lol).

Not only did growing up affect Suzu's innocence, but the war essentially and eventually smothered it. Throughout the beginning of the war and through Suzu's transition into adulthood, she still tries to grasp a sense of childhood innocence and beauty; she doesn't want to grow up. So while the beginning of the movie had an entire scene based on her painting, there is a scene where canons are shooting out at the planes, and Suzu's mind depicts the blasts as splatters of watercolor on a canvas, turning the treacheries and dangers of war into something innocent and beautiful.

youtube

Here is the scene! I found it on Youtube and it's very spicy! Here is what I interpret to be the midway point between fully accepting the reality of her situation and being somewhat emotionally oblivious to it? If that makes sense? Like yes she's aware that she's in the war (obviously) but it's hard to explain what I mean by "oblivious"... I think there is a CLEAR DISTINCTION between "oblivious" and "unaware," and I definitely think she is aware.

The trauma of the war is perhaps putting Suzu in a weird state of denial where the true impacts of the war haven't fully hit her yet, I think.

There was also a part where she goes home to Hiroshima to visit her family, but things obviously aren't the same. Her brother is presumed dead, her sisters and her parents have to go to work and the community center, etc. And I think this part is significant because the first night she was home, she wakes up from a nap and says something along the lines of "I dreamt I married a man and moved to Kure," and I think that's sort of hinting at her subconscious psychology: she is in a weird sort of in denial about how quickly she is growing up. Then, the next day, when everyone leaves the house to go about their day, Suzu is left alone. I think this cements the idea in her head that things just aren't the same anymore.

And on her later trip to Hiroshima, she learns that her parents are dead and she doesn't seem phased by it whatsoever; I think this is a trauma response or some form of denial.

(Sorry for the low quality image! I couldn't find any other pics!)

Okay so these are herons, I think. REGARDLESS of what they are, they are very important symbolically in the movie. While also being in several scenes during Suzu's childhood, there is also one on the front cover of the anime poster. These herons are most prevalent in Suzu's childhood, and I think that they are symbolic OF her childhood and the innocence that comes along with it.

There is one scene later in the movie where Suzu breaks down, and she runs after a heron that somehow made its way over near her house. Despite the fact that there is an air raid going on, she chases the heron away, shouting something to the extent of: "You shouldn't be here! Fly back over the mountain to Hiroshima! You'll be safe there!" And this line in particular, in my opinion, seems to be Suzu projecting her own feelings onto the bird. Since she comes from Hiroshima, she seems to be depicting the place of her childhood as a safe haven and Kure as a place of danger. (Both literally because of the war and symbolically because of her desire to return to her childhood).

And then there is the scene that RIPPED MY HEART OUT.

youtube

I literally cry every single time.

But symbolically, Harumi's death and the fact that Suzu loses her right hand are SO IMPORTANT. This is the moment in the movie where Suzu can no longer ignore the weight of the world and escape into her artistic fantasies. The war is REAL. And though it has always been real, I think it's really HITTING her now. And there's a difference between seeing horrible things happen around you and experiencing those things for yourself. It doesn't feel real until it happens to you, and then you finally understand the impact of everything at once. I think so, anyway. For example, many people think "that will never happen to me" until it does, and it changes your entire life.

But the fact that Suzu lost her RIGHT hand is a core representation of the simple fact that she can never draw again. (Unless she learns how to use her left hand but that remains to be seen). Symbolically, she lost the right hand that drew those beautiful escapes, the right hand that held Harumi's within her own, the right hand that copied the pattern of Keiko's kimono (I'm half quoting the video here because it literally spells it out); and the dream-like state that Suzu is in moments before waking up are very sketchy and incomplete, almost like stick figures-- it's the complete opposite of every other visualization of Suzu's art we've seen thus far.

She reminisces on watermelon and mint candy, things from her childhood, as these stick figure-like depictions of her and Harumi appear on screen briefly. I think they are so "poorly" drawn because that sense of innocence is dying.

And then, when Japan loses the war, Suzu is livid. She has a full breakdown over what everyone's sacrifices were for if Japan was destined to lose the war regardless. "There are still five of us standing right here!" She sobs into the ground, completely defeated and at maybe even at her lowest point. She has finally, fully accepted that her daydreaming days of being oblivious are over, and that she can never return to that sense of childlike innocence.

And then, Suzu rebuilds herself, wishing to remain kind. I literally love her so much she's so great. And her and Shusaku adopt a kid and it's so cute EVEN THOUGH the part with the kid and her mom is lowkey terrifying and I was not expecting that level of gore to come out of nowhere but it's fine. Also Shuzaku and Suzu are cute together, say what you will.

Anyways, In This Corner of the World is definitely a comfort movie for me. I don't know if anyone has come this far, or if anyone even cares enough to read this much about a silly little film, but it's SO IMPORTANT TO ME and I think everyone should watch it! Even if all of this was spoilers!!!!!

#in this corner of the world #anime #movie theory #movie analysis #suzu urano #I will defend this movie with my life #symbolism #please watch it #i spoiled the whole thing but it's fine #Youtube

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