#i wish we had a more normal relationship with him it feels all fucked up from the pandemic and delusions and etc
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I want a dissertation on brotherhood in relation to birth order and senses of responsibility focusing on Eric Matthews and his relationship to school, sexuality, *homo*sexuality, and masculinity and how he projects/protects Cory through all of this and I want it NOW!
(Lots of fun little unorganized thoughts in tags <3)
#I feel like I could hella write that this summer#hmmm#thinking about what I'll want to major in starting fall '24 and I'll go into medicine eventually but an english major... looking pretty nic#for now at least#this specific topic is because I Love Eric Matthews like I'm only in s2 but he's so. he loves his siblings so so so much and it's so obviou#I've heard there's some contention btwn him and his father and ofc I've heard about Eric and Jack and AUGH it's gonna give me SO MUCH-#-material to work with! his relationship with Feeny is just starting to become what I've seen people talk about and! there are So many-#-implications with it I just!!#he's clearly such a good role model for Cory and very much wants to protect/guide him from some of the lesions in guidance allowed by their#-parents#(I'm an older brother and I See how much more my younger brother gets away with and I wasn't as good about it as Eric but I have tried-)#(-coparenting before and Eric is just so much more subtle/helpful with it. our age gaps are different which is def relevant but jfdhbdj)#clearly his failings in school act as a buffer for Cory's; clearly he's trying to watch out for Cor falling into the same dating traps-#-(they keep mirroring? hello??) clearly there's something abt friendship models as well#and we all know that shory is SO homoerotic and while his parents aren't like homophobes it's def Eric who's making jokes and treating it-#-so normally (esp! for a 90s show) that is makes me wonder how his friendships have been shaped by his attitudes towards platonic (?) male-#-sensuality/physicality. how his parents had acted in the past that Cor is unaware of (they are 4-5 yrs apart) that fucked up Eric and how-#-he's trying to protect Cor and how A&A are letting it slide more bc of how it fucked Eric. a lot of this is wishful projecting oops#(A&A is Amy & Alan)#and Eric is just so. comfortably masculine like he's such a little guy augh#all of the men in this show are so Generally positively masculine like even Harley is like that- he's amused by these little 7th graders-#-who can't seem to leave them alone and he threatens them a lot but after he saw Eric sticking up for Cor (+ Mr. Turner) he seems to-#-respect the whole family a lot more. and his respect/caring for TK is insane and his Freddie+Joey (clearly in love idc) are simply allowed#-to exist and are protected and supported by him- Harley (the closest we've seen to toxic masculinity so far barring maybe Alan but idk)#and don't even get me STARTED on Mr. Turner and Mr. Feeny ugh. those two + Cor OH SHIT they are the maid the mother the crone but men lowke#motifs of 3 (we started Brodeck's Report in eng today) and mirrors and foreshadowing etc etc#anyways that's why I'd focus on Eric bc I can't stop thinking abt EVERYONE and that would be Too long of an essay#parallels btwn Jason (or Jack we'll see)/Eric and Shawn/Cory could SO work with that#would not bring in GMW though that would also be Too long of an essay#pavloving myself into loving analysis of media bc of IB english <3 stockholm type beat
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what lies beneath us. - c. san (m)
➼ genre; fluff, smut, slight angst for the first half but i make it better quickly promise
➼ pairing; san x afab!reader
➼ au; established relationship, college au
➼ warnings; explicit smut
➼ rating; m/18+
➼ wc; 6.4k
one busy semester is all it took for you and san to find yourselves struggling to find footing in the storm that is your relationship, yet rather than let go, he asked for one more week, one more day, one last chance to help get you back to shore
part of the ...and it's snowing collab.
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➼ smut warnings; unprotected sex, oral: m, vaginal fingering, praise, body worship, service-top san, san has some slightly submissive tendencies, coming inside
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You normally wouldn’t find yourself in Wooyoung’s apartment on a Tuesday morning, sitting at the bar counter beside his roommate with two mugs of coffee sitting on the granite between you, but you also haven’t had any leisure time to waste lately. It’s a miracle that Wooyoung is even up before ten o’clock, though that might be in part due to you pleading desperately over the phone to come over.
“Oh, you make her coffee but not me? The fuck is up with that, Hwa?” Speak of the devil, Wooyoung comes into the kitchen still rubbing sleep from his eyes.
“She’s a guest, you live here. And I had to wake you up because you slept through three alarms so my sympathy levels are close to zero right now.” Seonghwa flashes a faux shrug despite the heated glare he’s sent. Wooyoung lets out a huff but lets it go in favor of redirecting his attention to you.
“Right, well, what did you need to talk about so badly that it couldn’t wait until the afternoon?”
“San is coming over tonight, I couldn't do the afternoon,” you mumble.
“Is it about him then? Did something—” he waves a hand through the air like that’ll explain his thoughts, and when confusion shows on both your face and Seonghwa’s, he gives up “—did something happen between you guys?”
“It feels a bit awkward,” you admit over the rim of your coffee mug. Wooyoung scoffs at that, but Seonghwa is far more forgiving than your best friend in that he sends you a sympathetic grin.
“Awkward?” he prompts, toying with his own drink. Wooyoung pushes away from the counter and turns to the coffee maker.
“I don't know. Yeah, awkward, a bit. I guess. Like we don't know what we're doing or how to be in a relationship anymore.”
The brutal semester you both just suffered has been the main factor in the wedge in your relationship. Weekends full of studying, ones that you spent together at the start of the semester when he would come to your place or vice versa so that you could be together even while working. Then, San started picking up more shifts at his part-time job, and you had to redirect your focus to a particularly important internship that required you to forgo those weekends in the blink of an eye. You did have two weekends free of school and work, but San had to rush home during one of those on account of his mother falling ill. The other one was shot by you falling ill with the worst cold you’ve known in all your years of living. San came by that Friday with your favorite chicken and beer, but you couldn’t bring yourself to risk getting him sick when you knew how important the semester was to him too. It didn’t keep him from coming by again Saturday and Sunday both, soup was delivered to your front door along with voice messages wishing you well throughout the night. Even your text conversations were fizzling into oblivion by the time finals rolled around, which only served to amplify your feelings of dread.
“Has he been acting differently?” Wooyoung tunes back into the conversation, this time more serious with his tone. “Like, he's pulling away or something?” Wooyoung stands on a different footing in this conversation and knows things Seonghwa doesn't in terms of your relationship with San. He's been there for you since well before you started dating San, and you're certain that he'll be there for you if it were to end tomorrow, the next day, or years down the line.
“It's gonna sound so childish and stupid but he hasn't been calling me nicknames since the semester ended.” You tuck your hands into your lap and shrink into yourself a little, feeling the hot burn of shame well up inside.
“That's not stupid at all, y/n,” Seonghwa reassures barely a second after you finish your train of thought. “That's not.”
“He's right. That's totally unlike San.”
“Not! Helping!”
“I'm just being honest?!”
“Look, y/n, I don't want you to start having doom thoughts or thinking the worst — that doesn't mean his feelings for you have changed.” You’re starting to think that you should’ve asked Seonghwa for advice from the start instead of Wooyoung. “Maybe he's feeling that awkwardness you are too, or maybe he's feeling insecure. The only way to know is to ask. Have an open and honest conversation about it.”
“But…” You glance past Seonghwa to look at Wooyoung's back. Without even needing to look back, he seems to feel the weight of your stare.
“You're scared that if you bring it up, the worst will happen and y'all will break up.”
“We've been dating for so long that I don't know what I would do if that happened. I don't know how to be single, no offense to either of you, but it's just that we've been together for so long now. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if it ended.”
“If…” Wooyoung bites his words back as though he's unsure of how they will come out. “I don't want this to sound harsh, but if all it takes for him to lose his feelings for you is one busy semester, then that's not someone I would want you to have a future with. I know it's not up to me and it's not my business, but I want you to value yourself more than you value your relationship with San.”
“I truly don't think he's lost his feelings for you, y/n,” Seonghwa cuts in again, hand darting out across the counter in your direction. “Woo is right; you should value yourself more than the relationship you're in, but that doesn't mean you can only have one of those things. They can coexist.”
“What if I’m fighting for something he doesn’t want any longer?” you inquire softly and under your breath.
“The spark isn’t gone, y/n, I’m certain of that much. Maybe you just… need to find a way to reignite it!” The coffee maker dings loudly behind Wooyoung. And like it’s turning on a lightbulb in Wooyoung’s head, his expression turns suddenly bright. “Why not do just that? It’s been half a decade, to be fair, so really you can’t be blamed if things feel a little stale. If you went and did things that made you fall for each other in the first place, wouldn’t that help a bit?”
“I hate to say it…”
“You always say that when I’m right!”
“Ignoring him, that does sound like a good plan, y/n.”
Despite the reassurance from both your best friend and someone you consider to be far more mature and wiser, it doesn’t fully quell the concerns settling in your gut.
It’s only been six days since you last saw San, though you would argue that it feels a lot more like six months given how absent you both have been from each other’s lives of late. While that isn’t particularly your fault or his wholly — it’s definitely a joint effort that’s kept you apart — it does make your skin itch with anxiety every time you think about seeing him again.
It’s all culminated into this moment right now, where you sit on the edge of your couch waiting for the doorbell to ring and announce his arrival. You want to see him, desperately so, you’ve missed him so incredibly much that you can hardly stand it. And yet — you’re rooted to the cushions riddled by anxieties. You tried to rid yourself of the lingering stress after leaving Wooyoung’s apartment by doing chores properly for the first time in months, going so far as to run to the grocery and restock some necessities as well. You hate to be the type of partner who cannot do anything alone without associating it with your partner, but San was on your mind throughout the day.
Will he feel the same as you even though the flame keeping your relationship alive has been inching closer and closer to nothingness? The two of you don’t fight, in fact, your friends like to say that things go a little too smoothly between you two, and while that’s true, they aren’t aware of what it looks like when you and San aren’t getting along. It looks the way this semester has, slow conversations that lead nowhere and less time spent in each other’s presence. You aren’t fighting right now, but you certainly aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. The weather mirrors your emotions — dim greys shrouded by white flurries of snow that have been falling since early afternoon.
You clench your fingers around the seam of the couch cushion. No part of you wants to play the part of the overbearing partner: if you’re too eager to see him, wouldn’t he find it off-putting?
The doorbell rings.
It takes a moment for you to brace yourself for impact, standing and walking over to the door as slowly as you can manage without it seeming like a deliberate delay. The second you open the door, however, your worries melt away for a moment.
San smiles so brightly like you’ve not gone a second without reveling in each other’s presence. The weather is clinging to his coat still even though he had to climb three flights of stairs to reach your door. The little snowflakes are beginning to melt into the fabric.
“May I come in?” The facade cracks a bit. It’s not like him to ask such things, but you choose not to hold it against him now.
“Yeah, yeah, I finally had time to clean the other day so everything’s — nice.”
If your smile is strained, he says nothing about it, stepping over the threshold and into your apartment like it’s the first time he’s ever done so. He’s polite all the time, but now it makes those seeds of doubt sprout further because you’ve been together for five years now, what reason does he have to act like a stranger in your home? A home he’s been in time and time again, one he’s slept in, fucked you—
“Do you want ramen or pizza?” You force the thoughts to come to a halt before your expression turns bitter.
“Let’s do ramen, I’ll cut up the vegetables for you.”
There’s an elephant in the room that it seems neither of you wants to address, and so you keep your mouth shut just the same as San with the thought of “maybe this awkwardness will pass after tonight”. You watch him remove his coat and hang it up on the door while still picking at your nails. He extends a hand to you, one you take eagerly, and you lace your fingers through the gaps between his. A bit like a well-oiled machine, you think, something that Wooyoung had noted about the two of you as far back as freshman year of college. San presses his lips to the top of your head. You lean into the touch ever so slightly.
You share in a quiet synergy that carries you through the motions of preparing food, with no conversation exchanged aside from a “watch for the knife” and “careful, behind you” on occasion. You’re still trying to psyche yourself up to bring up what’s truly on your mind, so you aren’t sure that you’d be able to get any conversation out without it spiraling into insanity right off the bat. For the moment, for now, you want to simply drink in San’s presence.
He hums as he opens a cabinet in search of bowls, but they aren’t there.
“Oh, I—I moved the bowls to the other side.” Three months ago, your mind adds. It would do nothing but add salt to a blossoming wound. San stops dead in his tracks too. He seems to suffer the same crisis that you do right then. After a few seconds of mental buffering, he resumes his humming and shifts to the adjacent cabinet like the moment didn’t happen at all.
You sit beside each other at the bar counter, atop the uncomfortable stools you’ve had for well over two years now, but it offers a weird comfort because it’s familiar, it’s something San knows, it’s something you share and have shared for years.
“Thanks for the meal,” San says, still wearing a bitten-back smile.
“Of course. Thank you for helping.” But the detrimental reality of not speaking to someone properly for a long while is that part of you forgets how to make conversation with them. There is nothing for you and San to “catch up on” seeing as you’ve been keeping each other updated on your lives through dry text conversations. “Um…” He’s eyeing you carefully now, and you could pass off the watering in your eyes as the spice of the food, but he would call your bluff in an instant. The funny thing about doubt is that once it’s taken root, it’ll keep growing back no matter how many times you chop at the stem.
“What’s wrong, y/n?”
“It’s just — I don’t — are we breaking up?”
San freezes halfway over his ramen, chopsticks nearly falling from his fingers as he rushes to put his noodles back down. Your shoulders start shaking before you can stop it. He doesn’t stop you from turning away from him, but San has always been endlessly patient and gentle with you so you don’t expect him to ask you to look at him anyway. He does rest a hand atop your forearm though, and his thumb drags small, comforting circles over your skin.
“Talk to me, y/n, what do you mean by that? Why would we be breaking up?” The words themselves sound calm. There’s a slight quiver to his tone, however, that makes you want to crawl inside yourself and disappear. “A-Are you wanting that?” Your continued lack of response makes San more urgent than ever, and he shifts his hand to your leg, spinning you to face him. You can’t be certain of the expression on your face (though you’d wager there is some degree of hurt); whatever San sees makes him let out a distressed noise from the back of his throat. “Come here, duck, talk to me.”
Standing on somewhat shaky legs, you push yourself closer to San, and he instinctually moves his knees apart to let you tuck yourself into the space there.
“Don’t cry, baby, I’m here, you can talk to me,” he murmurs, hands cupping your face in his hands. You reach down to cling to his shirt like it’s a lifeline.
“That’s the first time you’ve called me that in weeks. This is the first time we’ve spent time together in six days. We’ve barely spoken or spent time together all semester, and I know why — I know we agreed that school and work have to come first. I know that.” Your voice drops to a whisper as you lose the confidence to speak. “I didn’t think it would mean losing you though.”
“You haven’t lost me, y/n. I’m still here, with you, loving you just as much as ever.” San smiles a little as you push your cheek further into his palm. “My feelings have not changed. I thought about you every day, wondered how you were doing, and if you responded to my texts late, I hoped you were eating well and getting enough rest. I listened to your voice memos rooting for me every night. Your face was always the first thing I saw in the morning because I still keep that slideshow of you as my lockscreen.” Reaching around to the back of your neck, he gives you a little tug, and your foreheads bump together. “The thought of you helped get me through the semester because I knew that it was you who was waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.”
“Sannie…”
“How long have you been worried over this, baby? You should’ve come to me the moment you started having doubts. I wouldn’t have let this go on if I had known.”
“I thought I felt you pulling away so I was scared to bring it up. You weren’t calling me nicknames anymore, and I started reading into it too much and freaked myself out.”
“I’m so sorry, y/n. Don’t put the blame on yourself, it’s not a crime to have anxieties. I didn’t even realize I stopped using them. I suppose I just got swept up in my own feelings and wanted to call you by your name as much as possible.” He nudges you with his head again. “Because I missed you so dearly.” Your lips turn up at the corners, a gesture that doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend. “And because I adore you so so much, my y/n.”
“Stop that.” You hope he doesn’t, truly.
“But I’m so mushy and full of love for you, y/n.”
“You’re gonna make me blush.”
“Oh, I can think of other ways to do that, baby.” San stands, subsequently pushing his body into yours, but your hands are still on each other, his moving down to caress the back of your thigh before he hooks his fingers around the bend of your knee and hoists your leg up over his hip. “I haven’t been good to you, my sweet,” he murmurs close to your lips. “What kind of boyfriend am I if I let you feel unwanted?” Your heart skips a beat as he grips tight at your other leg, then you’re suddenly weightless for a second as he hoists you up to his waist.
“We just ate—”
“I don’t plan on letting that stop me.” You let out a gasp as San traces the line of your jaw with his lips, hot breath spilling across your skin as he carries you from the kitchen. “Unless you want it to?” This damned man knows what he’s doing, he knows the hold he has over you — your brain is already turning into a foggy mess of want, and even the prospect of waiting two minutes for him to lay his hands on you is too much to bear. Your nails drag across his shoulders, tugging at the thin material. He misses the doorknob to your bedroom thanks to your antics, sending you against the wood a little harshly and forcing the air out of your lungs. “Sorry, sorry.”
“Still on the pill.”
“Hm?” he echoes, managing to turn it right on the second try and popping it open properly.
“I’m still on the pill,” you repeat. San freezes in place to stare at your face. You bring a hand around to toy at his parted lips with your thumb. “So you can fuck me raw.”
San becomes so dumbstruck that his jaw moves up and down over and over without any semblance of noise coming out.
“Fuck, you’re gonna make me come in my pants like a horny teenager,” he says under his breath. You drop your head back and laugh. San’s hold on you feels so blissfully warm. You didn’t even have time for this during the semester, sometimes thanks to your workloads but more often thanks to sheer exhaustion. A few solo jaunts before bed are hardly enough to please you the way San does. Based on how tightly he’s gripping your ass, he seems to feel exactly the same.
“It wouldn’t be the first time.”
He manages to get you both to the bed without further incident, laying you down on the mattress with a sort of reverence that makes your chest swell with emotion. Even through the barrier of clothing, his fingers are hot and sear a path from your hips up your waist then right back down again as San wastes no time in stripping you of your pants.
“I missed you so fucking much it’s insane.” You want to respond, but the sight of your lover dropping to his knees at the foot of the bed stops you in your tracks. All you can do is lie there and watch him tug your pants off, lips moving to kiss each bit of exposed skin along the way. Goosebumps rise across your body when he kisses his way up higher. His broad frame cages you in the closer he gets to your face, and despite his hands being on the somewhat small side, they feel all-encompassing when they’re sneaking under your shirt and exploring the skin beneath.
“I missed you more,” you murmur, catching his chin between your fingers and angling his face upwards so you can properly look at him. “I love you so so much, San. More than I can put into words.”
“Yeah?” You make no effort to pull him higher although he moves as though you do and climbs all the way up to be right over your face. He hums before dipping down to kiss the corner of your mouth. “I think I’ve missed you more still though—” another kiss, this time to the opposite side of your mouth “—but you’re welcome to challenge me on that.”
“San,” you whine. He pulls back and sits back on his knees. Your brain goes totally blank watching him take his shirt off. It’s something you’ve seen time and time again, truly nothing new or foreign to you, but something about it now makes your gut twist in on itself. He’s lost a bit of the muscle you’ve grown accustomed to seeing on him, now softer around the edges, at the waist and across his stomach. It doesn’t curb your desire for him in the slightest; if anything it makes you want him more, to cling to him tighter and feel him firmer against you.
He throws the shirt down to the floor and drags a hand through his dark hair. His legs are splayed around yours, putting the prominent bulge in his pants on full display before you.
“I want you to use me, y/n.” He grabs your hand from where it’s resting against the bed and brings it to his chest. You dig your nail into his flesh like it’s second nature to do so. “Tonight, for your pleasure.” His eyes trail after your every moment, watching as you sit up and pull your legs out from under him. You graze the underside of his dick ever so slightly yet it’s still enough to make his lashes flutter.
“Then…” San is like putty in your hands, conforming to every move you make while still maintaining that unbreaking eye contact. He turns with you, and you climb off the bed to stand despite feeling seconds away from toppling over. All it takes is the slightest push against his chest for him to lie flat on his back. “Will you be good for me?”
His response comes in the form of a bitten-back whine thanks to you cupping the bulge of his cock as you withdraw your hand. It’s intoxicating to strip him of his jeans and feel every inch of his pretty tapered waist. You urge him to move further up on the bed, making room for you between his legs once you’ve tossed his pants down beside yours on the floor. The tip of his cock peeks out the top of his underwear, already stiff and leaking precum onto the elastic band. Saucy nudes here and there don’t do him nearly enough justice, you think. You tease just the bit of him that's exposed with your tongue, licking at the sensitive and swollen head, and he twitches beneath the fabric. Humming to yourself, you inch his underwear down just far enough to put his whole member on display, along with his balls, but you don’t go any further than that. It’s enough for you to get your mouth around him, after all, and that’s exactly what you do without giving San any time to brace himself for the touch.
He lets out a desperate moan the moment your wet heat envelopes his length, fingers curling into his palms around the comforter. His hips twitch with the desire to thrust upwards, but he keeps himself firmly planted on the bed, fulfilling his end of the bargain for you and being so delightfully good. The weight of him on your tongue isn’t nearly enough; you want him buried deep inside you as soon as possible, and you’d go on and do it now if you didn’t think it would hurt like a bitch given how long it’s been since you’ve taken him. San isn’t distracted enough to miss the way you retract a hand to touch yourself, and he fights to speak through broken moans.
“I w-wanna touch you, pretty.” You lift yourself off his cock until just the tip sits on your lower lip.
“I’ll let you later when I ask you to fold me in half and fuck me into the mattress.” You sink two fingers into your hole, taking San back into your mouth to revel in that full feeling again. You’re just as needy as he is, in reality, because your walls are already coated with arousal and it pools around the base of your fingers in such a way that it makes your cheeks flush. San’s noises aren’t helping in the slightest — for as quiet as he is in day-to-day life, he is ever so vocal when it comes to sex, especially when his cock is buried in your mouth. He’s just long enough to push right into the back of your throat, making it far easier for you to take him fully.
“Your mouth feels so — fuck, fucking good, baby.” If you weren’t preoccupied, you would love to return his words with your own, so you settle for tugging at his balls a little. It earns you a delightful little yelp, and his hips buck up to drive his dick further into your throat than expected. “Hngh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“I want—” you don’t finish your train of thought, too rushed to bother with it as you scramble to rid yourself of your underwear. San greets you with his hands when you climb back onto the bed and grabs hold of your waist. He tugs and pulls at your shirt until it’s gone too, leaving you with nothing more than your plain black bra. However, even that San seems to find issue with, because he toys with the clasp until it comes loose and throws that aside too.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs, settling back against the mattress. He’s always told you this is his favorite position, to see you straddling his hips and bouncing on his cock, though he favors missionary quite a bit as well because it lets him see your body and face while he’s fucking you (despite how much he loves your ass). His cock is trapped between your pussy and his stomach now, hard and throbbing for the same kind of stimulation you so desperately crave. You drag your folds along his length a few times just to tease San, but he grips your hip in warning. In hindsight, you should have let him finger you open more before because the stretch is far more than you remember — not enough to hurt, but enough for you to really feel every inch of him entering your body. It makes you writhe atop him, your spine arches, and you drop your head back. San holds you like you're a precious gem, thick arms circling around your waist as you rest your hands on his chest. The position gives you some much-needed stability, but San's fingers have begun to get severely distracting. He rolls his thumbs into your skin, pausing only to squeeze and pinch at the more sensitive parts of your sides.
“I’m gonna start moving,” you whisper like being too loud will break some sort of seal. San nods and unwraps his arms enough to simply hold your hips. Despite the decrease in definition of his muscles, his strength doesn’t seem to have gone anywhere, because he lifts you with such ease that it’s a bit dizzying. Still, he lets the control rest in your hands. You sink down slowly on his cock, letting your walls get used to the drag, before doing the same motion two, three more times. The first whimper to fall from your lips is what snaps your resolve. San’s hold on you remains firm but only to ease the strain on your thighs as you begin to pick up your pace.
“Beautiful, beautiful, you’re so beautiful, my sweet.” San rolls his hips up in time with your movements, driving his cock up into your cunt as you drop yourself onto him, and it reaches so deep inside you that you see stars behind your eyelids. “Missed you so much, missed this, seeing your body through photos wasn’t enough — fuck, it wasn’t enough.”
“How many, ah, times did you come to those photos, hm?” You crack one eye open to watch San’s face. He’s already flushed with want, but the red in his cheeks deepens more upon hearing your question. You lean your weight further into your hands. “I fingered myself so many times thinking of you, Sannie. B-But, hngh, it wasn’t good enough. Not as good as your cock. Nothing… n-nothing feels as good!”
San thrusts up with more vigor now, all but taking over for you to go slack above him as he drives your hips down with his hands and pushes his length into you from the opposite direction. Then, suddenly, his movements falter and stutter to a halt, and he looks just as shocked as you are when his cock twitches against your walls. A blooming of warmth fills you right after, along with the realization that San has just come inside you without warning.
“I-I’m sorry, I — I didn’t mean to, ah, I thought I would last longer.” He slings an arm up over his eyes, and the red in his face deepens in hue. “I’m sorry, I should’ve let you come first.” You click your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Leaning down over him, you peel his arm away from his face so that you can see his shamed expression better.
“Your dick is far from the only thing that can make me come, babe. Right?”
He nods a few times, but there’s still a pout on his lips. You kiss it away.
“Then—” you detach yourself from his body, bringing about an unwelcome emptiness as his spent cock slips out of you, and roll onto your back beside him. He watches with rapt attention as you spread your legs and open your pussy to him. “Why don’t you?”
San moves with surprising haste for a man who has just come, rolling into the space between your legs, and while you expected him to just use his fingers to get you off, he hooks his hands around your thighs and shoves his face into your used cunt instead. It yanks a startled moan out of you, and it’s only amplified when he closes his lips around your clit. He’s lucky you don’t give him a concussion with how quickly you slam your thighs around his head. You don’t notice that he’s moved a hand until fingers are prodding at your leaking entrance and urging the come he just pumped into you back into your hole.
“O-Oh, San.”
Normally, he takes his sweet time eating you out, bringing you to the precipice of orgasm before sending you right back down time and time again without release. Though, either out of lingering shame at coming early or simply out of a desire to make you unravel, San laps at your clit so eagerly that it sends shudders through you. You can feel your blood rushing lower as he urges you to come, walls clenching around his fingers. It only takes another second more for the first wave to hit you, and it makes you scramble to grab hold of San’s hair as he keeps curling his fingers over your sweet spot. He does so throughout each wave of your orgasm until tears burn the corners of your eyes and you’re all but pleading for him to grant you some mercy.
“You — you had nothing to prove, you know,” you say between desperate attempts to catch your breath. San giggles and looks up at you from his lewd position. “Ugh!” You shove his head away from you half-heartedly just to spare yourself more embarrassment.
“Oh, come on, don’t be like that, duck!”
You only go as far as the pillows, turning back to him immediately and opening your arms to welcome him into them.
“I came too early, of course I had something to prove,” he adds once he’s snugly placed against your chest. You slot together like two pieces of a puzzle, his head under your chin and your breath stirring the messy strands of hair in your path. “I’ve fallen out of practice. When was the last time I did that? It’s embarrassing…”
You can’t contain your laughter.
“You always come a little early when I ride you.”
“That’s not fair!”
All you can do to soothe him is pat his head. You feel a tad sticky and gross all over, but San’s warmth more than makes up for it, and if you’re not careful, you’re certain you’ll fall asleep within minutes. A small sniffle coming from the man atop you chases thoughts of rest away in the blink of an eye though.
“San?”
“’m okay, promise.”
“You’re crying, baby, that’s not ”okay“.”
“I just,” he inhales and licks over his lips, skating across your sternum in the process. “I wasn’t sure I was gonna stay afloat without you.” You comb your fingers through his hair.
“Tell me when you need me and I’ll be there. Always.”
“I didn’t want to disrupt your schedule and get in the way.”
“You have to trust that I’ll take care of myself and my responsibilities even if I help you too. You always tell me that when I worry over the same things. It goes both ways, San, okay?”
“Okay.” He nods against you. “Okay, I’ll try to remember that. As long as you don’t lock yourself away when things get tough. Rely on me if you need strength. And talk to me when something is on your mind.”
“Alright, we have an agreement.” Out of nowhere, you remember Wooyoung’s suggestion from this morning. Picking at a stray piece of San’s hair, you mull over your thoughts some more. You could let things settle as they are now since things seem to be back to a pleasant state of balance. But even so, would it do any harm to try anyway? “I’d like to go on a first date again. With you. I want us to go on a first date again.”
“Hm?”
“Like… I want us to go out like it’s the first time all over again. And feel that excitement and giddiness we had back then. We don’t have to, it’s just a thought. I don’t know. Maybe it’d be a good thing after this semester.”
Silence overtakes the room. San’s breathing is so steady that you think he’s fallen asleep, but the second you try to shift and see his face, he tilts his head up and looks into your eyes.
“Alright. Let’s go on a first date again.”
…
“I figured we’d go to that little Thai place by the grocery before heading over to the Christmas light show?”
“Oh!” Your thoughts rearrange themselves around his words. “That sounds really nice, yeah.”
“The guys wanna meet up at Wooyoung’s after for chicken and beer, but I told them I’d leave the decision up to you.” He tilts his chin a bit to the side as he speaks, lips quirked up at the corners, and you find yourself so incredibly fond of him all over again.
“Let’s see how we feel after walking around.”
You offer to drive tonight, but he denies you quickly, whining about how he filled his tank full of gas just for tonight so you don’t push the matter any further than that (though, you still tease him a bit once he opens the passenger door for you). When he turns the car on, music starts blasting through the speakers, a song you recognize well, and the dash shows that he’s been listening to the playlist you made for him at the start of the last school year.
“Sorry, forgot the volume was up so high.” He scrambles to twist the dial down, but you stop him with your hand, gripping his wrist lightly and giving a firm shake of your head.
“I didn’t realize you still listened to it. Normally you just have the radio going.”
“Ah, well,” San’s cheeks are a bit flush under the low lights of the car, “I suppose I’ve been feeling a bit sentimental these days.” His next move is a bit hesitant; he reaches across the console and lays his hand atop your thigh. You reassure him by putting your hand over his, fingers curling around his once again. It feels normal and familiar, though you can’t count on two hands the last time you’ve done something as menial as holding hands with San.
“San?” He makes a noise of acknowledgment while watching the road. “I’ve missed you.” His nails dig into your flesh a little, and the pressure makes your heart clench in your chest.
“I’ve missed you more.” You can only see his side profile, but it’s enough for you to catch the upturn of his lips.
“I’ve missed you most then.” The statement slips out through a pout.
“And I love you more than the moon loves the ocean.”
The weight of his hand is comfort enough for you to be at ease for the rest of the drive.
────────────
please like & reblog this work and consider leaving a reply or sharing your thoughts in a reblog or ask!
this work belongs to caly / hongism (2023). do not copy, repost, or plagiarize in any way.
#ateez smut#ateez x reader#san smut#san x reader#choi san smut#choi san x reader#ateez fic#ateez fanfic#ateez imagine#ateez imagines#ateez ff#san imagine#san imagines#caly.writes#fic; and it's snowing#winter fic fest 2023#fic; what lies beneath us
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#vent#dont rb#hrmghrhghrgh. hm. me and a friend might start dating but i keep getting anxious or nervous or whatever that it wont work out and itll ruin#our friendship or something like that. idk why im nervous considering ive never worried about that with ppl i date and have always ended#up staying friends with them after we broke up#idk i really care about him but what if im a bad person or i mess this all up. i dont want to hurt him.#hes very very nice and i feel like ill end up hurting him or something idk ughhhhhh#i love him :( but what if i dont in the future i mean like. liz almost basically hated him. what if something happens and i end up hating#him too? i dont want to hate him :((((#i wish we had a more normal relationship with him it feels all fucked up from the pandemic and delusions and etc#like. yeah i thought you were dead for months at a time yea i also thought i was the one who killed you yes i also thought you were gonna#kill me yes i also thought we were both dead yes i thought u hated me yes i was jealous of your girlfriend because she was alive and i was#not.#but ive also had a crush one you like three times and ive desperately talked with you or at least tried and#wanted you to be safe and happy so fucking bad i wanted you to be ok i wanted you to be alive but you werent. you fucking werent.#idk. idk.#also theres the whole issue of how ive been approaching relationships so far because we talked about it and i agreed that id be fine with#and in fact like it if it were a more long-term relationship#but so far my policy with romantic relationships has been 'dont expect them to last long cause ur still just in high school and ur busy'#but i dont this one to end i do want it to last long i dont want to try and be realistic#IDK !!!!!!!!!!!!#we'll see what happens i guess.
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jealousy, jealousy
pairing: lee know x afab reader
content: 🔞NSFW MDNI!!, ex lovers to lovers?, public sex (bathroom), oral (m receiving), face fucking (f receiving), unprotective sex, possesive!minho
premise: lee know is your ex and he sees you in the club one night. he becomes jealous from all the attention everyone is giving you.
word count: 1.8k
a/n: i have been simping extra hard for this man recently (more than normal ><) and this idea kind of drove me crazy. so i had to write and share this fantasy, enjoy :>
minho. the man who once consumed every ounce of your mind. his name running circles throughout brain like a marathon. he is everywhere until he is nowhere. the cause of your breakup? it was a mutual agreement. something you both discussed. all of it came down to the both of you being too busy to see one another.
"i think we should break up." minho tells you one evening in your apartment.
"okay."
your agreement is one that shocks him. he's shocked that you both thought the exact same thing. being too busy and not seeing each other enough made it feel like there wasn't any point to the relationship. of course, you miss him like hell and he misses you too. but it is what was best in the moment.
your friends thought maybe you are insane. they know how much you both love each other. hearing you decided to break up was a shocker for them. when you two had been dating for over a year. you kept telling them you were fine and that the breakup was simple. no one's heart was truly broken and no one was left with sullen feelings. a small piece of you did wish things could be different. but life just happens.
this is what led to your friends dragging you to the club. it had been a week without him and it felt like any other day. you barely saw him during the relationship to begin with so not much was new. a part of you did begin to feel lonely. knowing that you are no longer his and he’s not yours, did hurt.
your friends wanted to drag you to the club thinking it would cheer you up when you weren't even sad. you accepted anyways since a night out could be fun.
the crowd was lively. music boomed through the room causing vibrations to buzz the floor beneath you. a cup in hand filled with vodka and your hips swaying side to side. your friends are around you dancing with one another, twirling around and giggles leaving their lips. you are tipsy. the liquor making your body feel electric.
there were many other attractive people who caught your eye. some of them even eyeing you from how great you looked tonight. you had put on what you considered to be your best outfit and it was garnering many people's attention. one person's attention was all on you and you hadn't even noticed him.
minho was at that exact same club. for the exact reasons as you. his friends didn't really understand how the two of you broke up. you were practically inseparable when you were together but they guessed his busy schedule plus yours didn't match. minho was practically fuming though as he watched you dance in the crowd. taking notice of all the other people watching you, practically eye fucking you from a distance. he felt jealousy bubble up into his chest and he was waiting for it to explode.
you don't even remember how it all happened. one minute you were dancing and another you were following minho into the men's bathroom. he walked over to you and didn't even say a word, all he did was grab your wrist and drag you along. you let him.
"minho?" you questioned as he leads you into a stall. he locks the stall door and stares at you. taking in just how great you look in your outfit. everything about it makes him lose his mind.
"do you know how difficult it is to see other people who clearly want to fuck you?"
"excuse me." you question, shocked at what he is telling you. he begins to pull down his zipper, you watch him with your eyes wide. you are tipsy but you can still understand what he is about to do.
“knees.”
“if you think i’m going to get on this dirty ass floor-“
he lightly pushes you to the floor, “i said get on your knees.”
his eyes are clouded with darkness, something you hadn’t seen before. you gulp down your words as you look up at him. he pulls his pants and boxers down, his eyes looking into yours.
“you know what to do.”
you hesitate for a moment. remembering the break up and how it all happened. it was all his idea and yet here he is practically commanding you to suck him off. you can't deny that this whole situation turns you on.
"come on baby, i know you've missed me as much as i have missed you." he sighs above you, you look into his eyes. your eyes half lidded and he smiles at the sight. you bring his cock closer to your lips and begin to lick the tip.
"fuck, that's my good girl."
you tease his tip with your tongue, his hand caresses your cheek and pulls you forward. his cock fully enters your mouth and he lets out a loud groan.
"such a perfect mouth." he holds onto your face while he fucks his cock into your mouth. your eyes are on him as you watch him bite down on his lip. many moans and groans leave from his lips as he continues to slide in and out of your mouth.
squelching sounds of your spit on his cock fills the bathroom and echoes off the walls. the idea of someone walking in and hearing it makes you wet.
minho then pulls you away quickly. he stares into your eyes, a smirk is on his face. he grabs your wrists and pulls you up off the floor. his lips come into contact with yours and it feels euphoric. being able to kiss again after so long feels amazing. it is a feeling you didn't think you would be able to experience again.
while you're making out, you feel him pull down your panties. easy access since you're wearing a skirt. he runs his fingers under your skirt to feel your wetness.
"you always get soaking for me." he whispers over your lips. his fingers prod at your folds and run over your clit. making your legs shake and a soft moan to leave your lips.
"minho please."
"don't worry, i'll give you what you want."
he places you against the cold metal stall wall. you jump up to wrap your legs around him. you feel his cock come into contact with your folds. he rubs his cock over them letting the wetness coat him.
"you're mine." he breathes into your ear and pushes inside. the feeling of his cock inside of you at this angle makes your eyes roll. he is able to hit the deepest part of you. exploring the pleasure it brings you both.
he begins to thrust, in doing so, the stall wall begins to creak. the sound of him fucking you makes your brain mushy. the thrusts become more erratic and quick, your moans egging him to go faster.
"you want someone to hear you get slutted out huh? let them hear how dumb i fuck you. come on baby, say it."
you can't even form words. what he says slips in one ear and out the other. you can only imagine how fucked out you must look right now. your eyes are half closed and practically rolling into the back of your head.
"say it." he coos and you pant loudly. his thrusts become more harsh, each one pulling out slowly and thrusting back in even harder.
"y-you fuck, you fuck m-me so stupid."
"good girl." he chuckles, his thrusts go even deeper inside. wet sounds filling the bathroom. each thrust making you even more stupid, not being able to think about anything but him.
and your worst fear happens. someone walks in.
the bathroom door swings open with a creak and you hear them unzip their pants. minho covers your mouth with one hand and continues to fuck up into you. this drives you even more insane. knowing someone can still hear the rhythmic squeaking of the stall door. they can probably guess what is happening. your moans are muffled by his hand, he looks into your eyes. a big smirk is on his face. he is reveling in the fact someone can hear you get fucked. once they finish their business, they flush and walk out. the door creaks closed.
minho removes his hand from your mouth and you let out a loud groan.
"can't let anyone hear how fucked out you sound. only i can. just me. no one else baby. i want you for myself. i own you." he whispers sweetly into your ear. each phrase matched with a hard thrust.
you let out a few more whimpers. starting to feel a little embarrassed at how he makes you feel. everything he says makes you even closer to your high. his words allow you to revisit your feelings for him, everything begins to come back to you. you don't ever want to leave him. you want to be with him no matter what it takes.
"cum for me baby." he pants into your ear, his thrusts beginning to falter as his high also approaches. he thrusts inside a few more times and you're coming undone around him.
"shit." he grunts and you feel his cum coat your walls. he wraps his arms around you, your legs still secure around his waist. he pulls out of you and you let out a low whine. he begins to breathe heavily into your neck, trying to get through his orgasm.
when his breaths slow down, he looks up at you. his eyes glossed over with love. he smiles shyly at you, "okay so maybe i got jealous."
the statement makes you chuckle. you tap his arms and he helps you down to the floor. your knees wobble a little bit but he helps you stay up. he hands you your underwear and you slide them back on.
"that was one hell of a way to show me you want to get back together." you smirk and his face flushes. now he is the one who is embarrassed. he pulls up his own boxers and jeans.
"i just missed you so much baby." your hand reaches up to his cheek, caressing his soft skin.
"well, you have me. i am never leaving your side again." he leans into your hand, his eyes welling up with tears. he sniffles a little and you coo at him.
"wow, you missed me that much? i can finally say i made the lee minho cry."
"ah shut up, you're ruining it."
you both begin to laugh together, hoping that this is what will keep you together. the undeniable love you have for one another should be enough. no one or anything could ever get in the way of that again.
#lee minho smut#lee know smut#lee know imagine#lee minho imagine#stray kids imagine#kpop imagines#stray kids#stray kids x reader#stray kids smut#kpop smut#kpop x reader#skz smut#skz imagine
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𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒 || eddie munson x reader
𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎 || sometimes, the best things happen when you're a little late.
𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉 || 2.7k
𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 || implied smut/established relationship (18+), unplanned pregnancy, reader's parents are controlling, no descriptions of pregnancy/childbirth, dad!eddie, implied preppy/rich reader but it's not discussed much
this is just a short and sweet little fic based on a random idea I had, totally different from what I normally do but I hope y'all like it!!
“Hey pumpkin,” he purred as you sat on his desk, resting one of those beautiful ringed hands on your thigh. You had been practicing how you were going to say this all weekend and now you felt like you’d forgotten it somehow; he had that effect on you.
Taking a deep breath, you saw his eyes narrow for a second and his head tilt— he knew something was up, but he didn’t have to ask what before you blurted it out: “I’m late.”
He frowned and looked at the clock on the classroom wall; “It’s still three minutes until class?” he observed.
“Eddie…” you whispered, feeling so— something. This crazy feeling you’d had for days now; this weird, nervous, insecure kind of feeling. This oh my god is this happening to me feeling.
He looked at you, waiting for more context, and you chewed your lip as you looked away. Then he seemed to get it, and his chest sunk. “O-oh, fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“I— okay,” he breathed, leaning in closer to you. “Like… how late?”
“Four days?”
“Shit,” he hissed, glancing out the window and back at you— like there was gonna be someone standing outside holding up a sign for him that would tell him what to say. But there wasn’t, and he obviously had no fucking idea what to say. “Shit,” he said again.
“Yeah,” you also said again.
He stood up from his desk, lowering his voice and standing closer to you so (hopefully) only you could hear; thankfully nobody else seemed to be paying either of you much attention, just trying to get ready for class. You wished you could think about class right now. “What do we— I mean, how do we— I— when will you know? Like, for sure?”
Even with all this fear (and nausea) swirling inside you, you still almost swooned at those big brown eyes, looking at you like this. You could tell he was terrified, just as much as you, but he couldn’t hide the small edge of excitement— as much as this is supposed to be every young guy’s worst nightmare, you knew a part of him was thrilled at the chance of it.
You were too, though you were too embarrassed to admit that even to yourself. It was horribly misguided; your parents didn’t even know you’d been seeing Eddie, because you’d figured they would have a heart attack if they knew. This was going to be armageddon— if it was really going to happen. You were still hoping it was just an unpredictable period and a whole lot of wasted emotion.
“I won’t know for sure until I go to a doctor,” you answered, “but I can’t really do that without tipping off my parents…”
“I’ll drive you,” he decided.
“And… if it’s…?” you dared to mumble, nervously glancing down, preparing for him to answer that he would drive you to a different doctor…
Instead, he opened his mouth and the bell rang. “We’ll talk about that later,” he decided.
“Okay,” you breathed. “I— yeah, we’ll talk about it. We’ll… figure something out.”
He pulled you in for a kiss suddenly, and it soothed you a bit as you melted into his arms. The teacher cleared her throat; “I’d oblige you to return to your own classroom, Miss?” she instructed.
Eddie didn’t let you go quite yet, though, holding your face and looking at you closely. “It’s gonna be okay,” he promised. “No matter what happens, it’s gonna be okay. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He kissed your forehead one more time as he hugged you, and then you took your leave, back to your class, where you had no hope of focusing.
~
“If you do— I mean, if it is—” he kept stopping and starting over— “and if it’s mine—”
“Eddie!” you frowned, smacking him on the arm.
“Sorry, sorry— I know you’re not— sorry,” he mumbled, “I just mean… that’s my baby. Our baby.”
You bit your lip.
“I-if it is, you know, there, I mean,” he mitigated.
“Okay, so if it is— if I am… what do you want me to do?” you asked.
“Whatever you need to do,” he nodded. “Whatever’s right for you. I mean, I know your parents…”
He trailed off, and you raised your brows as you nodded. “Yeah…”
“So if you have to… I understand,” he insisted.
“But what do you want me to do?” you asked again.
He chewed his lip. “It’s your choice.”
“I know,” you groaned, “but if you could choose what I was going to do for me—”
“Which I would never do,” he announced proudly.
“What would you hypothetically want me to do if it was up to you?” you pressed. “And don’t say I should do what’s best for me,” you warned, causing him to shut his mouth which he’d just opened.
“I… uh, well, I guess…” he stalled, looking down; but you could tell he already knew what he wanted, he was just trying to find the courage to say it. Getting a serious look on his face, he finally admitted it: “I’d want you to keep it. I’d want us to… have it, raise it.”
You sighed, smiling with relief— you felt the same way, but didn’t want to say it first, in case it pressured him into feeling like he had to be involved. And the last thing you wanted was to raise a baby with someone only there out of obligation.
“I know we’re young, and it’s sooner than either one of us wanted this to happen,” he continued, “but I don’t… I don’t want you to think of our baby as a mistake. Not planned, sure, a little unexpected… but if we do this, it’s not a mistake. It’s two people who love each other starting a family together.”
He stepped closer to you, holding your hands tightly as you smiled.
“But that’s just if I was in charge of everything, which I’m not,” he laughed.
“No, that’s what I want, too,” you admitted. “But, if that’s gonna happen, I have to tell my parents first.”
Eddie blew out a long breath that inflated his cheeks. “Yeah. Good luck with that.”
You raised an eyebrow, and he coughed.
“Uh, I mean— I’ll come with you, if you want, obviously. Your dad doesn’t own any guns, right?”
You laughed a little, leaning forward to rest your head on his chest with a sigh. “He won’t literally kill you, Ed— but I think I should do it myself, just so they have a chance to meet you when things are less… emotional, I guess.”
“Yeah,” he breathed, kissing the top of your head and petting your hair as you leaned on him. “S’gonna be okay, pumpking, even if they get mad at first.”
You nodded, replying “I know,” but you didn’t really know. You had this sick feeling in your stomach, terrified of how they would react— especially considering you’d already been formally banned from seeing Eddie anymore.
You waited, of course, to tell them until you were late enough that something had to be said— actually, they nearly figured it out once the sudden bouts of nausea began. If either of you had known what would happen after they found out, you would’ve cherished that time before more carefully.
one year later…
It took about half a second for Wayne to figure it out, seeing you on his doorstep with a baby on your hip.
His nephew had been listless ever since you left, and it took him a while to even say what was going on— but after a few times of innocently asking if that girl’s ever gonna come around again, Wayne finally assumed that you’d dumped him. But apparently, it was far worse than that; when he had a few beers in him, Eddie told the whole story about how a broken condom led to a missed period and about a dozen positive at-home tests. And that, apparently, wasn’t the issue— he admitted he’d wanted to go through with it, offered to marry you, got excited about having a child even if he felt totally overwhelmed at the idea of becoming a father.
I figured I could do it better than mine, Eddie told his uncle, a little somber smile on his face, and that made me feel better. Kind of a low bar, but still. I’d’ve done anything for that baby… for our baby…
But that was when he got choked up and struggled to say much more, until Wayne eventually pulled it out of him. Her parents, man, they hate me— guess I can understand why, ‘cept they never even met me. She told ‘em and they just went ballistic. And they… she’s gone.
‘Gone’ as in, shipped off to live with extended family in another state and, presumably, have the pregnancy quietly ‘taken care of’. You’d told him from the start that’s probably what they’d do, or at least make you give it up for adoption. They told their country club and cotillion friends you were studying abroad, to save the shame of admitting their daughter was knocked up by a trailer park freak.
Well, apparently Eddie had been slightly wrong about what happened to the baby after you disappeared, and now, here you were. And Wayne was staring at you, with that sweet-but-slightly-terrified look in your eyes.
“Is Eddie here?” you asked meekly; because what else would you ask?
Wayne sighed. “No, he’s at work— he’ll be back in an hour.”
Your eyes lit up a little, even through all that fear you had on your face. “He has a job?”
“Yeah, at the oil change place on Main,” Wayne nodded. “You can wait for him here, if you don’t mind.”
You smiled a little; “F’course I don’t,” you assured, “and… well, I figured you might wanna meet her, too.”
Wayne smiled back, feeling like he was finally allowed to address the adorable, chubby-cheeked elephant in the room.
“Say hi to Uncle Wayne,” you instructed the baby sweetly, and she smiled but tucked her face into your shoulder.
“Hi, beautiful,” he smiled at her, waving with just the tips of his fingers. “Wow, got your daddy’s eyes, don’tcha?”
You felt your face warm as he noticed it— of course, it wasn’t like there was much chance this was anybody else’s baby, but knowing that Wayne knew made you slightly nervous he would judge you somehow (since everyone else had). Instead, he brought you both inside and started making tea.
~
When Eddie’s van pulled up outside the trailer, you glanced at Wayne nervously. He nodded towards the door, adding, “I’ll watch her— just go.”
Your legs were a little shaky as you stood up off the couch, but you did your best to breathe normally as you opened the door and stepped out onto the lawn.
Eddie was getting groceries out of the back of his van, and your heart rate picked up even more as you waited for him to see you; you worried he wouldn’t want to, after you disappeared on him. You’d never had a chance to say goodbye, to explain what was going on or why you were leaving… he could hate you, if he wanted, for abandoning him.
But when he did see you, and you shyly shrugged a little as you waited for a reaction, he dropped the grocery bags on the ground and ran to you.
“Oh my god!” he laughed excitedly, pulling you into a tight bear hug. “Pumpkin, I thought I might never see you again…”
You hugged him back, wanting to think of something to say but getting too caught up in holding him again, in burying your face in his soft shirt and smelling his cologne; this was all you’d been thinking about for most of the last year.
“I missed you so much,” Eddie began as he let you go for a moment, looking at you like he wanted to be sure you were really here, “and I wanted to call, or write or something, but I couldn’t— I guess you couldn’t either— and I barely got out of bed for a week after you left, just ask Wayne— how long have you been waiting? Are your boobs bigger?”
You started to laugh, covering your face with your hands and Eddie’s laughed thinly as his face tinted pink.
“Sorry, I didn’t wanna say anything,” he mumbled, “but like, they’re bigger, right?”
You nodded. “Yeah— it’s ‘cause I’m breastfeeding…”
He blinked quickly, and you bit your lip as you waited for a reaction. “I thought— I figured your parents had made you— I— pumpkin,” he breathed, and your heart twisted. “Is this really…? I mean, I’m not dreaming, am I?”
You shook your head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t visit before— I wanted you to meet her so bad, I just—”
“Her?” he repeated, and you only started to choke up when you saw the tears in his eyes; you nodded. “I— oh my god, I love you,” he said simply, wiping a tear off his cheek before hugging you again— not as tight as before but somehow warmer and sweeter.
“I love you too,” you whispered, “I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry I couldn’t call, I swear I wanted to but—”
“Don’t be sorry for anything, okay?” he interrupted you, kissing the top of your head as he began to rock you side to side in the hug. “I’m just so happy you’re here…”
“Sh-she’s here too,” you blurted out, making him freeze and look down at you. “She’s inside, with Wayne, if you wanna…?”
He sniffled as he wiped another tear away; “Y-yeah, of course… of course I do, wow, yeah. Okay.”
“I-it’s okay if you’re not ready yet,” you assured, but he laughed.
“Are you kidding? I’ve been waiting for this since… I don’t even know how long— since you sat on my desk in Science class…”
You beamed and hugged him again before you walked together into the trailer.
When you and Eddie stepped inside, Wayne was bouncing her on his knee— she was reaching up to grab his face, a new favorite hobby of hers, and he scrunched up his nose and closed one eye as her little hands explored his rough, stubbly features. Eddie already looked overcome with emotion just watching the scene before him, staring forward at her with a slack mouth and shiny eyes, and he hadn’t even seen her face yet; when you shut the door, the sound made her turn her head to look back at you. He was still speechless, walking forward slowly and kneeling down in front of Wayne’s feet. Wayne turned her to face him better, and Eddie wordlessly reached up towards her; she grabbed hold of one of his fingers, and he smiled and sniffled as he looked at her tiny fist and back up to her face. “Hi there,” he greeted quietly.
“Eddie… this is Emily,” you introduced them quietly, and Eddie beamed as he glanced at you for a second before looking at her again.
“Hello, Emily,” he said, “I’m Eddie— I mean, dad. I’m Daddy. Nice to meet you.”
You snorted at how formal it was, but still had to wipe a tear from your eye.
“Can I hold her?” he asked quietly, nervously.
“Of course,” you breathed, almost heartbroken that he could ever imagine not being allowed to hold her— but then again, he never got to see her, or even know she existed, until now.
Wayne handed her off to Eddie, who put his hands under her arms— she was still so small, his grasp almost covered her whole body. Standing up and taking her with him, Eddie stared at her for a moment with the most amazed smile on his face; she reached for that very face, and he laughed as she held on tight to his nose.
You were wondering if you’d have to guide him in how to hold her, but as he pulled her into a hug, he impressed you with how experienced he already looked— he looked like a dad, and he’d only been doing it for less than a minute. It made your heart so full, finally seeing them together, finally seeing your baby in her father’s arms, finally feeling like your family was complete.
He bounced her in his arms, kissing her head and face, tears still striping his cheeks. Hi baby, hi beautiful, hi gorgeous, hi Emily, he kept whispering to her. Daddy loves you so much. Daddy missed you.
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always you
wanted to wish @rozzieroos a very happy birthday! you've been so supportive of me since the beginning and it makes a world of difference to someone who is always just a bit nervous to share the things they write. i am unfortunately not a very crafty bitch, so i can't return the friendship bracelet favor right now, but i hope this is a nice little sappy gift for ya! sending you big hugs and all my love 💕 - mickala
rated t | 1,324 words | no cw | tags: fluff, established relationship, the most miniscule hurt and almost entirely comfort, boys in love, side platonic stobin stuff but robin isn't technically there
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Steve always had an adrenaline crash after a visit from Robin. The first time it happened, Eddie was convinced they would have to move to Boston just so Steve could get out of the funk. Luckily, they figured out what to do after a couple of days.
And every time it's happened since, they manage to get him out of it pretty quickly.
But this time seemed worse, and Eddie wasn't sure why.
As far as he could tell, everything about the visit was normal. Robin came for a long weekend, they all went to dinner together the first night, Eddie had to work on Saturday so Steve and Robin had their fun together. Sunday, they all went to brunch together before dropping her off at the airport.
And Steve was fine! That evening he was cooking dinner and dancing to music while Eddie wrote some notes for a campaign he was running with work buddies. They ate together and Eddie did the dishes while Steve went through his nightly routine of locking up.
They even gave each other blowjobs in the shower.
But this morning, as soon as Eddie opened his eyes and smelled the bleach, he knew it was bad.
He sat up and looked out the open bedroom door.
"Fuck."
He got up quickly, throwing on the closest pair of pants he could find, probably Steve's since they felt baggier than his own, and made his way down the hall to the bathroom.
Steve was on his knees, scrubbing the shower like it personally offended him.
"Hey sweetheart, everything okay?" He asked hesitantly.
"Fine," Steve answered, clearly very far from fine.
Eddie sighed and sat on the closed toilet lid. "Stevie, it's okay if you wanna have a sad day. I know it's hard when Robin goes back home. I'm off today so we can just relax in bed if you want."
Eddie would never tell Steve that the reason he was off was because as soon as he knew when Robin was going back home, he'd requested the day off to be here for Steve.
"I don't need a sad day. I'm fine."
"Yeah, that's why you've scrubbed the shower until it's literally sparkling at way too early in the morning," Eddie reached out and covered his shoulder. "It's okay to miss her. I know it's hard."
Steve stopped scrubbing.
Eddie prepared for what was likely to be a very ugly and loud sob.
Steve turned to him with his lips quivering and eyes watery.
"Oh, sweetheart," Eddie said as he got on the floor with Steve and pulled him into his lap. "It's gonna be alright. We're gonna visit her next month, remember?"
"I know," Steve said against his shoulder, voice wobbling like he was still holding back tears. "I just don't wanna keep doing this."
"What?"
"I hate being so far from her. We were supposed to live close enough to see each other every weekend and have sleepovers and now she's in Boston with her girlfriend who is amazing, and I'm here with you and you're amazing, but I miss her. And I know she misses me." Eddie could feel tears soaking his shirt. "And it's stupid that we're so codependent still, and I feel bad that you probably feel like you're not enough."
"Sweetheart, I don't ever feel that way. I've never felt that way. Have I made you feel like I feel that way?" Eddie tightened his grip around Steve.
"No, not really," Steve shrugged. "It's just I know we're a lot. And I know it sometimes probably seems like I need her more than I need you, but I don't."
"Sweetheart, I know that." Eddie kissed the top of his head and smiled. "You're a package deal. I knew that the moment you kissed me in the hospital room. I was getting Steve and his platonic soulmate Robin, or I wasn't getting Steve at all. I know how important she is to you. Don't you think she's important to me too?"
"I guess," Steve shrugged again, sniffling against Eddie's shirt.
"Well, how could she not be? She helped make sure you stayed safe before I was there to protect you. She knows exactly what to do when you have nightmares, taught me everything she could so I could be there for you. She sends me tapes she thinks I'll like when she sends you care packages. She was the second person I ever came out to! "
"Wait, I thought I was the second person you came out to."
"You were the third. She was a practice run when I saw her staring at the young nurse who checked my vitals the day I woke up. She's the one who told me I should tell you," Eddie nudged him away for a moment so he could look down at him. "I wouldn't be on this floor with you five years later if not for her. She's kinda important to me."
"I just hate that I get like this!" Steve finally said. "I hate that this happens every time. It's not fair to you."
"Love, it's okay. I know how to help." Eddie kissed his forehead. "Go ahead and wash your hands and go get back in bed. I'm gonna grab a book and we're gonna cuddle for a bit."
"But-"
"And then!" Eddie continued, louder. "We'll get pizza delivered for lunch even though we shouldn't. We'll call Robin. We'll take a bath. I'll wash your hair. I'll make us that roasted chicken stuff you like for dinner. It'll be perfect."
"Okay."
"And then-"
"There's more?" Eddie could hear the smirk in Steve's voice even though he'd buried his face against his neck again.
"Of course there's more." Eddie poked his side. "And then we're gonna start talking about moving closer to Boston so we can visit her more than three times a year."
"Eds, we can't afford Boston."
"I know. But we can afford New England if we find the right spots. We'll have her send us some ads for places for rent. I can transfer within the company. You're a teacher, you can work anywhere."
"You make it sound so easy."
"It is so easy. Making you happy is the easiest thing I'll ever do."
"But you have to be happy too."
"I will be. You wanna know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I'll still have you. And let's be honest, it's way more likely that one of the New England states is gonna let us get married before fucking Illinois."
Steve chuckled. "Married? Who said anything about getting married?"
"Oh, did I forget to mention? I planned on spending the rest of my life with you."
"I know that, goofball." Steve let out another genuine laugh. "I just didn't think you'd ever wanna actually get the law involved if they ever let us."
"Steven, I don't involve the law, the law involves me."
"I don't think that's how it works, babe," Steve kissed his neck before pulling away. "I think all that sounds nice though."
"Then hop to it, Harrington! We've got a bed to get back into."
Once they settled in their bed, Steve curled into Eddie's side while he opened the book they'd been reading for a week now, he looked up at Eddie with a soft smile.
"I love you a lot, you know?"
"I know, angel. I love you a lot more," Eddie replied, leaning down to kiss his lips softly.
They'd spend the day exactly as Eddie said they would.
They'd find a place only two hours from Robin and move less than a month later.
They'd get married as soon as it was legal for them to do it.
They rescued a dog.
They even adopted twins.
And every single time Steve wanted to see Robin, they packed up the car and went to visit her.
Because Steve had Eddie, and Eddie had Steve, but they both had Robin.
#steddie#steve harrington#stranger things#eddie munson#fluff#established relationship#idk i just think we should appreciate robin's place in THEIR relationship more#like you're tellin me she doesn't latch onto eddie too???#you're tellin me eddie and robin aren't thick as thieves???#please
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Be Careful What You Wish For
Noah Sebastian x female reader
18+
Warnings: Cum play, mentions of spanking, dom/sub relationship, slight humiliation kink and degradation kink (not too heavy) male masturbation, just Noah being a typical brat tamer
So this is kinda filthy even for me ahaha but it’s not massively detailed as it’s a head canon styled piece but I am working on proper detailed works as we speak so hopefully I will get those out soon.
This actually started as an idea from the other fic I’m writing but it didn’t fit into that scene properly so I decided to make it a separate piece so the thought wasn’t wasted haha and fyi the story I’m currently writing has definitely been inspired by the new tour content, that’s absolutely feeding me right now 🥵
Masterlist
•You’ve been playing up all day and winding Noah up in front of people when he’s been working
•Just genuinely being a brat because you found it funny that day
•That’s fine but Noah would 100% punish you for it when you’re alone
•You’d be face down on the counter, underwear round your ankles while counting each spank he delivers
•But what’s one more dig?
•”That the best punishment you got? I’m getting bored of it now”
•Those spanks would instantly stop
•”Is that so?”
•Oh yeah, he’s pissed now
•You’d feel Noah’s grip on your hip tighten and hear the sounds of his trousers hitting the ground
•”Spread your legs”
•Noah would have a deeper growl in his voice, clearly not impressed with your attitude, but that’s ok, he’s happy to take it up a notch just teach you a lesson
•You’d feel his fingers scissor you open with a dark chuckle “bored are we? Do you want to tell that to your dripping cunt”
•That would most definitely pull a low moan from you, now Noah loves dirty talk, but to be that vulgar is very rare, even for him
•You could feel movement behind you and hear the sounds of him groaning and skin slapping on skin
•”So my punishments aren’t good enough eh?…” You could hear his words get caught in his throat, you knew he was touching himself behind you, his other hand now not leaving your hip
•”Well lucky for you…shit….I’ve got the perfect punishment for your cocky little attitude”
•You’d keep your head on the counter, pussy aching to be touched but you know that’s not going to happen any time soon
•“Did I forget to mention….that the guys will be here…any….any minute for the afternoon?”
•Noah hadn’t mentioned that they were all coming round for a gaming afternoon, you suddenly felt a sense of fear at what he had planned
•Noah’s groans became louder as he sped up his pace, you knew he wasn’t going to last much longer
•”fuck..I’m gonna cum”
•You’d feel him release onto your heated core, Noah would quickly bring your underwear back up and press the material into your folds, making sure not to let any of his juices slip out down your thighs
•You’re eyes would go wide, a choked moan escaping your lips as you now knew what his punishment was, it felt so wrong and dirty but fuck me were you turned on
•You’d hear Noah fix his clothes and then he’d grab you by your throat, bringing your back onto his chest so he could talk into your ear
•”let’s see how cocky you are walking round with my cum in your pants, and don’t think you can run away and hide baby. You’re going to sit with us until I say otherwise, is that clear?”
•”I’m in a dress, what if it…slips out?”
•You’d receive a hard smack to your ass and then Noah turned you around so he could stare down at you
•”You should have thought about that before you decided to be a brat and telling me that my punishments are boring”
•Noah grips your chin and gives you a hard kiss
•”Be careful what you wish for baby”
•That’s the moment you’d both hear keys in the door and the guys walking in with pizza boxes, Noah pulling your dress back into place and stepping away from you
•You’d do your best to walk normally and act all innocent when everyone started chatting, trying to sit without anything ‘leaking’
•Your cheeks would have a permanent blush for the afternoon
•All the while, that cocky smirk never left Noah’s lips as he stalked your every move
#noah sebastian#bad omens#bad omens band#bad omens cult#noah sebastian davis#dom noah#noah sebastian fic#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian fanfiction#noah sebastian imagine#noah bad omens
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Always Irresistible [3] - Lando Norris
Lando Norris x Fem!Reader
written by alocon
Summary: Despite all hope, Lando never lost his feelings for his best friend's twin sister. However, he still hadn't acted on it. Well, that was until the party, which led you two into a long-term secret relationship
Warnings and Tropes: Fluff, part 3 to the story released the other day.
[Part One Here] [Part Two Here] [Part Four Here] [Masterlist]
Always Irresistible - Ln4 x Fem!Reader
Your head leant onto your boyfriend's shoulder as you watched a film on your bed. He had basically moved all his stuff into your room by this point and was only using his room as a streaming setup. One of his arms was around your back, the other being placed gently onto your knee.
The pair of you had been in a fair share of arguments over the time you'd been in a relationship but it didn't stop you both from making up again in the end. It was a normal thing that happened between every couple in every relationship. Arguing was completely normal.
You first felt his attention on you when a jumpscare came onto the screen. Lando would usually look away until the scene was over and then would look back, but this time you could feel like eyes burning into you. You turned to look back at him, noticing the way his eyes scanned over your face. You were pretty sure he could draw you from memory down to the placement of every single freckle on your face by the amount of time he had spent staring, however, you didn't mind. It made you feel loved, appreciated. It made you feel beautiful. “What?” You asked quietly, confused about why he was staring at you now.
“You're just.” He paused to look over your face again, his eyes filled with nothing but love. “I'm so glad we're together.” You smiled. That was sweet.
You placed a kiss on his lips. “I'm glad we are too.” Apparently, that one kiss was not enough for his liking as he leaned in again, his hands gripping your waist as you pulled you in for a longer, more intimate kiss that the peck you had given him only moments before. You, obviously, kissed back, letting him climb over you, laying you back on the bed below him. You knew where this was heading and you were all for it as he lost the shirt, it landing on the floor beside the bed.
He had done everything in his power since you got together to make you feel like the most perfect woman in the world. It was like the two of you were made for each other, every kiss making you fall more and more in love. You adored the way he wouldn't let you go in the morning. You adored how, if he went out with his friends for the day, you would barely be able to leave his embrace because he missed you. You loved every single thing about this relationship. It was perfect. Sometimes you both wished that you could share it with the world.
“What the fuck.” You pulled away quickly from the kiss, Lando grabbing his shirt and throwing it on, over his head. You looked at the furious man in the doorway as he turned to walk away, stating that he wished to talk to Lando the kitchen. He placed another quick kiss to your lips before following the man, shutting the door behind him.
It was silent for a moment, weirdly silent. And then, shouting. Arguing. You listened into the argument as best you could but could barely hear anything. You could only pick out a few words here and there. You sat on your bed, thinking about what to do, deciding that, if it didn't stop in a couple of minutes, you would have to go sort him out yourself.
The arguing still hadn't stopped.
“I can't believe you'd do this. I made it very clear that she is one to fall and fall hard for someone and that she was very much off limits. I can't believe you would go behind my back to fuck with her feelings, what the hell. Seriously, what are you thinking screwing with her head like that?” Max was furious and Lando was a little anxious in that moment. He had never seen him so angry.
“I'm not, Max. I would never play with her feelings like that, don't be stupid. Why would I ever do that to her?”
Max's shouting only got louder. “Because you've done it before. How many times have you dated someone or got with them for a month or two only to turn around and change your mind and claim you can't love them like they deserve. That you love someone else and so it would be unfair to them. How do I know that you won't do the same to my sister?”
Lando's voice matched Max's now. “Because its always been her!”
Max went silent in an instant. It was Lando’s turn to rant at him, now.
“For God's Sake, Max. She is the one I've been in love with all these years. She's the one I've wanted to be with since we were 13. But I didn’t pursue a relationship because she's your sister. I would've felt bad because she's your twin. I tried to date other women to get over her. Believe me, I tried. But I couldn't, because I've never got over her. It's always been her. It will always be her.”
Max didn't know what to say. He didn't even notice your presence in the doorway. “Max, if you plan to keep shouting at my boyfriend, you need to leave.”
“Boyfriend?” Max looked between the two and saw Lando looking equally as surprised at that outburst.
You looked at Lando, stepping closer to him. “Lan he knows. Isn't it better to be fully open now?” You were speaking quietly to him. Your voice changed into a whisper. “Only if you're comfortable.”
“Yeah. I am.” You sat on the kitchen counter beside him as he spoke. He smiled at you, before turning to Max. “Yes. Boyfriend.”
“For how long?”
“July-”
“You've been dating for six months and didn't tell me?” He cut Lando off as he spoke.
“No, Max. July last year. 2023.”
“A year and six months and you didn't tell me?”
“We didn't tell most people!”
“Who knows?” He asked, looking straight at you.
“Zak, Oscar, Alex and both Lily's. Oh, and Max and Charlie but that's only because Charles doesnt know how to knock on a door and Max is his little gossip buddy slash emotional support rival thing.”
“And Alex and Lily only found out because they walked out of the club at the party last year with us. And we only told Zak, Oscar and Lily at first to make sure no photos of us holding hands were posted. So really, you're one of the first few.”
“Still though. That's so many people you told before me!” Max was slightly raising his voice again.
“Because I knew you'd act like this,” you raised your voice back at him. He looked surprised. As did Lando. Lando had never heard you raise your voice at anyone before. You rarely did. “Stop treating me like a child, Max. I'm a grown fucking adult.”
“I can't believe you're being so selfish.” Max deadpanned as he looked at you, voice still raised. “He was my friend first.”
“This isn't a fucking competition. He can be both your friend and my boyfriend!”
“Yeah? Says who?”
“Me! P was my friend before she was your girlfriend but you don't see me out and about bitching like you do. But no, you can't handle it being the other way around because for once, your sister has decided to do something for her that makes her happy without worrying what you would think of her. For God's Sake, Max. You need to grow up.” Lando placed his hand on you as you ranted at your brother.
“That's different. She was your best friend, Lando is my childhood best friend.”
“It's not different, you're just a fucking hypocrite.” You stood up off the counter, walking away. A few moments later, the slam of a door could be heard.
Max turned to look at Lando. “You need to make a decision, Lando. Our friendship or your relationship.”
You sat in the bedroom, having just let a couple of tears fall from your face. You had heard Max's words. And then nothing. You heard the door open and shut. That was an hour ago and you had heard nothing from then since so, as hard as it was, you figured that he had chosen Max. It didn't surprise you. Max was his best friend, you completely got it. You dropped a text to P.
To P: Hi lovely. I just wanted to apologise for not telling you sooner about this but Lando and I are (or were) together. I didn't want to tell you because we weren't ready for Max to know and I didn't want Max to be upset with you for knowing and not telling him. Miss you lots x
From P: Hi!! Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you did. I completely understand why you didn't tell me sooner. I had my suspicions anyways. What do you mean “or were”???
You began to talk to P about what happened, her promising to invite you over for a binge ice cream and crying session if he does choose Max. You felt a lot better. Opting to ignore everything else and shut the world out, you rolled over and closed your eyes, drifting off to sleep quite easily.
You were awoken not too long later by the feeling of a hand on your face. You groaned softly, opening your eyes to see him crouched in front of you, eyes at the same level as you. “Hey beautiful, how long have you been asleep?”
“Not too long. I thought you went with Max.”
“Did you hear what he said?”
“About you choosing me or him? Yes.”
Lando placed a kiss on your cheek. “Oh darling, I'm so sorry. I didn't think. I just went out to get us food for dinner so that we don't have to cook. I should've messaged. I'm so sorry.” He placed his forehead against yours, helping you sit up as you hugged him. He pulled you off of the bed, bringing you to the living room to sit beside you, food boxes in hand. You smiled. He had gone out of his way to drive to Nice to get you food from your favourite noodle place. He passed you a pair of chopsticks, grinning at you.
“Thank you, I love you.”
“I love you more,” he responded, no hesitation.
“So,” you said after taking a bite of your food. “What happened?”
Max turned to look at Lando. “You need to make a decision, Lando. Our friendship or your relationship.”
Lando looked at him, surprise in his face as he never thought his best friend would stoop that far. Grabbing his keys, he signalled for Max to walk out the door, him following behind as a look of triumph appeared on Max's face. The two stayed in silence until they got to the car park. That was when Lando turned to Max.
“I'm glad you came to your senses and chose me, mate.”
Lando chuckled, a bitter, annoyed chuckle. “Who said I was choosing you?”
Max looked at him, his face dropping into one of confusion. “You're out here with me.”
Lando looked at Max. “I hope, for your sake, that you will never again ask me to pick between you and my girlfriend ever again because I will choose her every single time.”
“What the hell, Lando. I've known you longer.”
Lando stepped closer, right in front of Max's face. “And she's the woman I want to marry one day. So rather than me making a choice, you get to. You should take some time to calm down and to think long and hard about whether you want this battle because, when I do marry her, it's your actions that determine whether you'll be there alongside me as my best man or not.” Lando stepped back, turning around and getting in his car. “Now if you don't mind me, I'm going to get my girlfriend and I dinner.”
-The End-
[Word Count: 2008]
Hi All,
Hope you enjoyed this part, I enjoyed writing it. I wrote this at work earlier because I had nothing to do hahah. Have a good day x
Alocon
#f1#fanfic#formula 1#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando x reader#lando#ln4 x reader#lando norris mclaren#lando norris x you#lando norris fanfic#lando norris fic#ln4 one shot#ln4#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic#ln4 fluff#mclaren f1#mclaren#lando norris one shot#lando norris fluff#ln4 x you#ln4 x y/n#ln4 fanfic#ln4 mclaren#mclaren formula 1#mclaren racing#f1 fanfic#formula one
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Bruises and scars
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem! tidemaker! reader
Summary: Kaz Brekker believed he was too broken and bruised to ever count on you reciprocating his childish crush. You were a powerful Grisha, someone who wouldn't be content to be in a relationship with the human shell that he was. That's why he gives you the cold shoulder, that's why he avoids you like the water you wield so well, that's why he tried to drive you away after the day you confessed your feelings to him. Kaz Brekker couldn't love anyone. It would not be beneficial to either side. But Kaz Rietveld rises from the dead, reminding him of what it's like to feel unconditional, blind love. And he won't give up. Not until he gets his girl back... isn't it too late for that, though?
Warning(s): Kaz and his trauma; violence; he's afraid of his feelings but loves the reader; generally Kazzle misses the reader; angst with fluff; I'm a sucker for happy endings, but the boy suffered WITHOUT HIS INVESTMENT; mentions of de@th and bl00d
Word count: 7,4k
Counting days, counting days
since my love up and got lost on me
"You're sending Jesper to do your dirty work for you? I didn't know you were afraid to talk to one of your own crows." you stormed into his office without even bothering to knock. Kaz swallowed. He really should have been better prepared for this conversation. After all, he knew you wouldn't give up so easily. "What is this?" you asked, slamming the wad of paper onto his desk.
"I thought you could read. This is your next job." he replied calmly, not looking up from the papers in his hand.
"In some snobbish fucking king's palace? Are you kidding me?"
"Nikolai isn't that bad. You'll see when you get there."
"And what makes you think that I will voluntarily leave Ketterdam, the club, my friends, and the Crows for two bloody years, Kaz?" for the first time since you walked into his office, he looked up from his papers, fixing you with a cool, impassive gaze.
"That I'm your boss, and you have to obey me. You needed a reminder, judging by the tone of voice you use when you speak to me."
"Was it because of what I said to you when I almost..."
"No!" he growled at you, stopping you from finishing your sentence. That day had already joined his nightmares anyway. He didn't have to constantly recall your almost-death. "It has nothing to do with it." he said, hoping that would put an end to your conversation and went back to writing down the numbers.
"Do not lie to me. I know when you do it, Kaz. You got scared because I said I love…"
"You can go and get ready, Y/N." he said without looking up from the paper he was holding. He had never felt her gaze so hot and intense on him before. They always glanced furtively at each other, discreetly indulging in the silly fantasy of loving each other.
Like they could ever afford to live a normal life. As if he could ever love you properly—the way you deserved.
You stared at him intently, trying to find any trace of emotion in him, any evidence that he didn't really want to send you away from Ketterdam, that he was only doing it because Dirtyhands was afraid of the growing feeling between you two.
"I can hold on like this, Kaz." your soft whisper cut through him, making him shiver. He could bear your screams, your anger, your madness, but the tenderness, the vulnerability you showed only around him… was much more dangerous to the cold Barrel Bastard. "I can go and return to you like nothing happened. I can stay near you and pretend I don't feel anything towards you. I can stop myself from wishing for your slightest touch. I can hide my true emotions around you and other people, just like I have done before… but please just prove to me that it's all worth it. That you can slowly take off pieces of your armour and let me see and be with the real you. Not the Brekker's mask you wore every time we were on Ketterdam's street. Not the Dirtyhands' cruel version of yourself that you created to survive in this town. Not the Bastard from the Barrel, who has so much power in his hands to take down his every enemy. Just the real you, Kaz. The genius-mind boss who cares about his people, not only the kruge. The man who loves his friends more than anything on this earth. The man who risked his own life and saved me from death's arms more times than I could count. Please… just give me this little piece of hope." he tried hard not to raise his gaze to meet your captivating, imploring irises that could touch Brekker's heart.
He knew that the moment he looked at your face, he would doom you both by giving in to this burning desire to be with you.
But he couldn't.
He had to keep you away from him.
"You must be foolish or delusional to think like that. I'm the Bastard from the Barrel. And I care about my crows, because they are good investments. Nothing more and nothing less, Y/L/N."
"Is this everything that we are? What am I to you? An investment?"
Kaz's mouth went dry as he felt the waters rising around him, when a familiar feeling of panic began to seep through his practised mask. He looked away, not wanting you to read his true emotions. Not wanting you to see how much he wanted to confess his true feelings to you.
No. You're my moon, my sun that illuminates me in my darkness. The reason why I'm even bothering to learn how to touch people without going under the water again. You give me hope and peace every time you're close to me. You're my greatest power and weakness. The only one in this bloody world who can change my plans. The only one I care about in the mornings, afternoons, nights, and midnights. I can't drink, eat, think, sleep, or work without thinking about you. You have the power over me. And that's terrified me.
He desperately wanted to give in to his desire.
But he couldn't.
He was too bruised and broken for you.
"Then I have my answer, Mr. Brekker." you broke the long, tense silence between you two. Kaz was too terrified to shift his gaze from the papers on his desk to the only woman who could easily crack the wall around his cold, almost dead heart with one of your smiles towards him. Too afraid to watch the tender expression on your face turn into a cold detachment, just like your tone of voice. "Sorry for taking up your precious time, boss. But I would rather be the foolish girl who falls in love too easily for her own good than a powerful man who doesn't want to feel anything. Nobody will sit around the table and tell a story about a man who loves only his kruge. No matter how great he was." your disappointed whisper lingered in his office long after you left.
He sat dazed in his chair until the candle stub burned out completely, leaving him alone in the darkness of his office. He stood up, lit a new candle, and watched the flame. He couldn't focus on anything other than replaying your conversation.
Rietveld's voice echoed in Brekker's head, somehow getting through his wall, mocking powerful Dirtyhands.
Coward.
And every breath that I’ve been taking
since you left feels like a waste on me
"No way!" Jesper's loudspeaker scream snapped Kaz out of his thoughts. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, and got up from the desk.
He has done nothing since that fateful conversation. Absolutely nothing. He limited himself to staring blankly at the wall as his thoughts of Y/N effectively took complete control of him. He needed a distraction. Jesper's screams outside his office were perfect.
Without his cane, he walked to the door, eavesdropping on what was going on outside his office.
"Find another idiot to tell him. Or better yet, grab some suicide guy from the roof. If he wants to die anyway, he might as well act as a messenger for their one last time before Kaz rips their head off. SHIT!" the sharpshooter screamed in panic, nearly losing his balance as the door he was partially leaning against was opened by his rather worried boss. "Kaz, the fuck, since when are you sneaking around like that?!"
"Why exactly would I want to have ripped someone's heads off, Jesper?" he ignored his comment, eager to find out what they were hiding from him as soon as possible.
Maybe that would effectively occupy his head, so he could stop thinking about the tidemaker for a while. Unfortunately, neither of the two were in a hurry to answer his question.
"You know, there's always an occasion. Theft, insult, threat, frown, bad day, wedding, christening…" Jesper shut up, seeing that his attempts at a joke only infuriated an already irritated Kaz.
"Y/N is gone." Kaz unconsciously held his breath, feeling the whole world freeze around him for a moment, until anger and panic took hold of him.
"What? Did someone kidnap her? How did you look after her?!" he growled furiously, walking back to the office and limping towards his cane. His crows followed hesitantly, watching him struggle as he tried to put on his cloak in his haste.
"She runaway. I lost track of her around the harbour." a new revelation made Kaz freeze again. He stared blankly into the space between Jesper and Inej, turning his cane's crow head in his hand.
He should have anticipated that too. Had a backup plan. But he didn't. He's been acting strangely lately. He didn't recognize himself. But after all, that was what he had wanted all along - to stay away from Y/N. So why had her disappearance made him feel so much worse?
"Kaz? Should we send some people to…"
"No need, Inej. Go back to work. You too, Jesper." the gambler looked like he wanted to argue with him, but the Wraith, seeing their friend's strange behavior, grabbed his hand, and they obediently walked away from their boss.
Kaz leaned against the desk, dullly staring at the closed door.
It was supposed to be better that way. Neither you nor he will ever meet again. You won't exchange those longing glances again. You won't act like a couple of teenagers in love, and no one will ever attack or harm you to get to him again or to threaten him. Nobody was going to get hurt.
So why did he feel like he was going back under the water?
I’ve been holding on to hope
That you’ll come back when you can find some peace
Cause every word that I’ve heard spoken
since you left feels like an hollow street
One week, two days, 10 hours, 34 minutes and 29 seconds. That's how long it's been since he last saw your face.
He was secretly hoping you'd come back to him and the crows. Fuck the crows, he just wanted you to walk through that damned door again and start arguing with him, shouting at him, cursing his name at all the saints you knew, so he could hear your voice again.
He missed you. More than he thought he would.
Irritatingly, everything around him reminded him of you.
Especially your empty seat during Crow's meetings. No one dared to occupy it, as if every one of the gathered was waiting for you to come through that door (or window) again with a malicious, characteristic smirk on your face, mumbling some insincere apology for being late.
It never happened. Though Inej prayed to her saints every day for your return. Just like the others. Although each of them experienced your departure differently. Jes stared often at the places you once occupied, imagining you were still there. Nina found herself often making too many waffles (of course, accidentally making exactly the few you were used to eating). Wylan often creates his bombs and other things in your favourite colours.
But Kaz probably took your absence the worst of them all.
If he had slept little before, fearing that nightmares about Jordie would haunt him, now he hardly slept at all. Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw your face. He heard your laugh. He smelled your perfume. He felt cursed. Cursed by you the moment your eyes looked at him full of sadness, anger, and disappointment... full of pain.
He thought that if you disappeared from his sight, he would forget about you and go back to normal. But your leaving only made him think of you more often and longer. He sat behind his desk for hours, staring blankly at the papers in front of him. Spread out plans, bills, and maps; it all stopped making sense to him. It stopped coming together, creating a perfect plan in his head.
All he could think about was you.
And Rietveld's voice, instead of being silenced and buried alive in his cold heart with your disappearance, only broke through his hard surface more and more often with the passing days without you by his side. And he wasn't holding back from taunting Dirtyhands at all.
The great Kaz Brekker fell victim to one of his own plans.
There must be something in the water
Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
Even Ketterdam has felt your absence.
This time of year, it usually warms up enough for people to shed their heavy winter coats. However, it was the middle of spring, and a cool, icy wind still blew through the streets, bringing occasional, small snowfalls that melted on the street, creating mud.
Kaz had never despised the city he lived in more. Even it laughed in his face at his stupidity, reminding him that it was his fault that the only spark of joy and bewitchingness in this damned city had gone.
He shuddered as a child shoved past him, running happily to the ship that had come into harbour and thrown itself into its father's waiting arms. Brekker began to take rapid, panicked breaths. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of one of the buildings, trying to imagine something other than Jordie.
His haphephobia got worse.
Earlier, he could bear the fleeting touch of strangers, such as being brushed up against him in a crowd. It was no problem for him to touch his crows for a few minutes (especially you and your comfortable hugs, holding your hand, or just feeling your warm skin under his bare fingertips).
But now even the slightest contact with a stranger brought him immediately under the water. And the tiny touch from his crows raised the waves he had to calm in the privacy of his office.
He was rolling down. He knew it well. But he saw it as his personal punishment for hurting your feelings in a brutal way instead of gently cutting you off. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.
Kaz knew he was fooling himself. He would suffer anyway. He let you go too deep under his skin, penetrate his essence, and know his soul too well to just give up on you, and forget about you.
And what terrified him most was that, given the choice, he would let you in again. Even knowing he would be devastated after letting you go.
But it was better for you. You deserved something better than this life you would live with him.
And that one thought kept him sane. That he did it for your own good, that wherever you are now, he's sure you're better off than you were in Ketterdam.
Which didn't stop him from checking every ship that came into port in the sick hope of seeing your angelic face.
He just had to get over his grief. He did the same with Jordie.
The only difference was that he didn't dream of holding his brother back in his arms like he dreamed of you.
Maybe I, maybe I’m just being blinded
By the brighter side
Of what we had because it’s over
Well there must be something in the tide
Kaz was on your bed, reading one of your books you accidentally left behind. It was all he could do lately. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd left that room for anything other than food and a change of clothes. He missed you. And he had no idea what he should do.
He inhaled your faint scent on the pillows.
In some strange way (probably because of your ability to control the water), you always smelled of the sea, even when you weren't near the harbour. Kaz hated water and hated the salty sea smell that hit him whenever he passed near the harbour. It reminded him of Jordie. But inexplicably, the smell of the sea on you brought him comfort, safety... peace.
Now it was a reminder of something else—how he let you slip through his fingers. In fact, he pushed you away from himself.
He shook his head, trying not to think about you. However, the world was always against him and never made things easy for him. The fact that the dried flower had fallen out of the book onto his chest was proof of that.
With trembling hands, he set the book aside and reached for the flower, afraid he would ruin it. However, the need to see if his eyes were deceiving him was greater than the fear of spoiling such a precious thing.
He remembered that flower. He put it in your hair himself.
"Just the two of us in a field of flowers? If I didn't know you better, I'd think it was a date, boss." he rolled his eyes as you giggled at his reaction.
"Stop it. Or they'll notice us." he muttered, trying to ignore the cool wind that somehow made its way through the high grass. He wrapped his cloak around him, enviously noting that the girl next to him didn't seem to feel that cold. He internally slapped himself for wanting to share his cloak with her.
"I highly doubt they'd want to look for us in that thicket of grass. Besides, usually when a woman is giggling at a place and situation like this, stealing some noblewoman's jewels is the last thing on her mind, Kaz. The same applies to her potential partner."
"As if I heard Jesper." he sighed, focusing on the nobles in front of them. The plan was for Jesper to distract them while he and Y/N collected what they had come for. Simple and fast, if his childish desire to be paired with Y/N did not overwhelm his senses. She distracted him more than he could afford.
"You and Jes also had a secret meeting among the wildflowers? Now, I'm jealous."
"Jes?" he asked, turning his surprised gaze on her.
"Yes, do you mind?"
"You've known him for a week." he remarked dryly.
"Yes, and what?"
"It took you two months to start calling me by my first name, let alone a nickname."
"Just because you preferred to call me tidemaker instead of using my name."
"To be honest, it might have slipped my mind then." he muttered under his breath, not realising she heard him.
"You forgot my fucking name?! Kaz Brekker you are the most ignorant person I've ever seen." Kaz knew from the anger in her eyes that only his haphephobia kept him from getting his ass kicked by Y/N.
"Well, now I remember." he tried to defend himself.
"I don't care, Brekker. Now you can even call me the fucking Easter Bunny and I won't answer you anyway."
"Don't be a child, Y/N. Y/N?" Kaz sighed in frustration when he got no response from you.
He had to come up with something; he knew this name thing wouldn't be resolved until he appeased you properly. And he didn't have time to indulge in your sulks. You had to rob these people. (It's not like his heart ached when you were mad at him.)
Fortunately, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something that might help him. Your favourite flower, growing at his fingertips. He plucked a plant and put it behind your ear without thinking. You flinched at the sudden touch, staring at him in shock as the material of his gloves brushed your cheek as he pulled his hand away.
"Maybe I forgot your name then, but now I remember and know a lot more about you than just a stupid name."
"But how… how do you know I like y/f/f?" you asked in shock, never in your wildest dreams imagining that Kaz Brekker would bother with something like your favorite flower.
"You are my tidemaker. My most important investment. It's logical that I'll know you inside out."
"Should I be afraid or appreciate this unsettling but sweet effort?"
"You should know by now that nothing I do is sweet."
"Of course, big, terrible, Dirtyhands." you replied with a small smirk, similar to the one that kept Kaz from your sight.
To her, he could be more than Kaz Brekker. He could be Kaz Rietveld. And it terrified him more than the urge to reach out his hand again and fix her windblown hair.
The mastermind has been deceived by his own heart.
I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind
But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind
Oh my Lord, oh my Lord, I need you by my side
"Zenik. Follow me." he muttered as he finally found the woman at the bar. He headed for his office without looking back, knowing full well that she would do as she was told this time.
"Yes, Kaz?"
"You are contacting Y/N." it wasn't a question. He knew it the moment Nina sent you her first letter a month ago.
He himself tried to send you his letter a week ago. It came back unopened, and the delivery man said no such person lives at this address. A lie he recognised without even knowing that Nina and you were still writing to each other.
"I am." she replied coolly. Kaz, seeing that he did not want to voluntarily cooperate, sighed and sat down in his chair. His leg was starting to hurt more and more often - another thing that went bad with you leaving.
"How is she?"
"Happy. Relatively. She is tormented by nightmares and unwanted thoughts about you." if Nina wanted to make him feel guilty, she did it brilliantly.
He already felt terrible without her judging eyes and dry answers. She must have seen the shadows under his eyes, as he did in his mirror. He had no right to pity himself. He knew it well. That's why he put up with Nina's attitude, in his stupid desire to know how you were doing.
"So… is she better off than here?"
"No. But that's not your problem anymore."
"Did she find someone?" he asked hesitantly, afraid of an affirmative answer.
"Possibly, things are evolving."
Kaz felt the world stop around him for a moment. The idea of someone else watching how you play with water and create ice sculptures, someone listening to your beautiful voice and making you laugh, someone capable of holding you and kissing you, made him sick. A sick sense of jealousy that Kaz only experienced when he saw the wealth of others.
A rash desire to come for you overtook him. He had to have you back. Before you fall in love with someone other than him.
"Do you think if we…"
"No, Kaz." Nina cut him off before he could ask a question. "You wanted to get rid of her, so hold on to your fucking decision. You hurt her, and you knew damn well you would, by ordering her to return to Ravka. Honestly, Kaz, did you think about how it would impact her? How she would feel? If you wanna break her heart again, go on. Chase her. Let's see if she forgives you also this time."
"Then what should I do?" he asked, and the desperation and hopelessness of his tone terrified both him and the woman standing in front of his desk. Nobody had ever seen him like this. Even you. And now he was ready to open up to anyone just to have you by his side again.
"Forget about her. After all, that's what you wanted, right?" he did not answer.
She was right. He wanted to get rid of you. Now he was paying the price, and he had no right to ask you to ease his pain and return to the Kettedram. Return to him. Which doesn't mean that his stupid heart will just let him forget about you. He's learned that over the months without you. And he cursed all the saints that he didn't know it until he gave you the cold shoulder.
Kaz no longer had the right to your affection. He had to accept it. He had to accept that he had given up his chance to love you. That now you had every right to go and love someone else. Even if the very idea drove him crazy and desperate.
He must have forgotten about you. For the sake of all of you.
But Nina's slamming of his office door only brought him back to his memories of you.
There must be something in the water
Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
Kaz fell. He was in the most pathetic position.
He didn't care, though, as he sat like a fool on the shore of the same lake where he met you. At which he irreversibly gave you the remnants of his heart a few years ago, without even knowing it.
He told himself that Nina was right. Once he let you go, he had to persevere in that resolve. Ketterdam will only bring you pain... so why was it so hard for him to let go of his last ties to you?
"Why are you coming here with me?" your gentle voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he stared spellbound at your little water show.
"Am I bothering you?" he asked, shifting in his place on the dock as he watched you float in the lake.
He wouldn't even dip his little toe in himself, but he liked to silently watch you become one with what was dear to you. And by the way, he could admire your skills and beauty as much as he wanted. He didn't have to look for any particular excuse.
"No. It's just that I've never seen you watch your other crows train."
"They're not like you." it slipped out before he could think about it. "If anyone sees you, I better get them before they announce to the world that one of the Black General's tidemakers has taken refuge with me." your smirk dropped at the mere mention of your former life. Kaz cursed in his mind. "You are also too valuable an investment. And the rest of the crows liked you. It's a big achievement. Inej doesn't let new people in so easily... me too."
"So you like me after all, boss?" you asked with that mischievous smirk on your lips that made his heart beat like crazy. Good thing water was your specialty. At least you didn't hear his heart pounding.
"You're tolerable company, and what you can do… what you can do is amazing."
"It's just little tricks." you murmured, forming different shapes out of the water. "At the king's parties, I was quite often one of the highlights." you waved your hand, freezing the water to form an ice statue. His statue. "Not every tidemaker is strong enough to freeze water." with another wave of your hand, to his silent displeasure, you melted the ice. "Not to mention turning ice into water again. Most just stop at its liquid form and don't train any more. I like to think I'm too curious to ever stop exploring my powers."
"Or stubborn." he said with a small smirk, listening to your wonderful laugh.
He must have been cursed from the start, since fate had put someone so perfect in his path... someone he could never have. But he could have been watching you. Enjoy his eyes with your beauty and his ears with the tone of your voice.
"Sometimes that's a good trait too. You taught me that yourself."
"How convenient for you to learn from me only what you want and not what you need."
"Sometimes what we want is more important than what we need and what is more rational for us."
"What for example?"
"Love." he tried to keep a poker face, but apparently his eyes betrayed more than he would have liked, as you gave him a confused, questioning look. "What? You've never been in love?"
NO. Not until he looked into your eyes and heard you laugh. Not until he got into your first argument with you and lost with a smile on his face. Not until he first saw you use your powers to outsmart the bandits who attacked you. Not until he saw how the moonlight in Ketterdam made your eyes shine even more than usual, so that you might as well have lit up all of the city with your beauty. Not until he first heard his name come out of your mouth. No, until he foolishly began to believe in Inej's saints, when he saw how tenderly and kindly you treat the orphans in the streets of Ketterdam.
"This silence means either a very powerful heartbreak, or you really only love a kruge."
"What if I really never loved anyone? What if I don't believe in love?" he whispered, looking up at you. You sneaked up to him so that you were standing in front of him. Water trickled down your hair and along your neck to the hand you held out to him. You opened your hand, handing him a small shell.
"The world is too cruel for such beliefs, Kaz. If we don't believe in love, why should we get out of bed at all? Why do we accumulate all these riches and try to survive each day?" Kaz didn't know the answer. Not one that would allow him to avoid the uncomfortable subject of his feelings for you.
He took the shell from you and, being careful not to break it, put it in his pouch. Along with the other little things you fished out of the water.
Your eyes met. You stared into the other's eyes for a moment, lost in your own dreams, which were not too different from each other... Yet neither of you had the courage to admit them out loud and risk everything you had been so carefully building between yourselves. Even if your hearts burned for more.
So he sat with you in silence, watching you play with the water and analysing what you told him. What was the reason for his existence?
Kaz from a year ago would have answered quickly and without thinking. Revenge. But now that he was looking at you, he wasn't so sure about his answer… or at least it was closer to something much different than his desire for revenge.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
It's your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
And I'm tired of being so exhausted
He sat behind his desk, involuntarily reminiscing about the day it all began.
The day he almost lost you. The day you almost died in his arms. The day you told him something he secretly wanted to hear but wasn't prepared for. The day he will curse forever.
This was your first assignment after returning from Ravka and the whole sun summoner thing. A childish, simple burglary. Something to warm up his crows—a return to the reality of Ketterdam without queens and kings and politics.
And so it was. You filled your pockets with valuables and were about to leave when one of the guards spotted you. They were much better armed than you (it was supposed to be a simple robbery with no witnesses and no blood spilled, so you only had daggers and knives "just in case") and strangely familiar with all the secret passages in the small mansion.
Even though you found yourself in a terrible situation, you managed to leave the property. You laid out in the finish as you and Kaz ran towards the club. One of the guards shot at you and hit you. Very accurate, almost piercing your heart with a bullet.
Kaz stared dazedly as you screamed in pain as you clutched your chest and tumbled onto the muddy, cobbled road. He reacted faster than he thought, throwing the dagger at the man who shot you and killing him instantly. Inej would have praised him for such a throw.
But that effective kill didn't matter to him now. He ran over to you in a panic and kneeled beside you, tugging at the fabric of your shirt. He hissed as he saw the blood pouring down your skin.
"Kaz..." you groaned, looking at him terrified. Kaz ripped off a piece of his shirt and wrapped it tightly around your waist, trying to stop the gushing blood. "Cold." you mumbled, shivering in his arms. Brekker didn't even notice as he placed you in his lap; he was too busy to stop the bleeding until he found bloody Zenik. Where was she when he really fucking needed her?
"Shhh…. I know. Just try to hold on a little longer, okay? Nina and Jes will be here soon." he tried to calm you down by running his hand through your sweat-soaked hair. He rocked you back and forth, not knowing who he was trying to reassure—you or himself.
"We both know they won't make it on time."
"If you're wasting your energy talking, at least say something useful instead of talking nonsense, tidemaker." he growled at you, tightening his grip on you. "You're not getting away from me that fast. I didn't invest so much in you to make you leave before…" Until I tell you how much you mean to me... "Until we fill our vault with tonnes of Kruge."
"I could have predicted that even on my deathbed you'd be talking about the fucking Kruges." you laughed, coughing up some blood, which didn't calm his already madly beating heart. Where is that damn Zenik?
"Die in my arms and I promise I'll go back to hell for you. The devil can wait for you - I signed a pact with you first." you suddenly became serious, squeezing his gloved hand tighter and staring into his eyes as if they were the only stars in your dark sky.
"Kaz… I… I have to tell you…"
"Shut up, Y/L/N. You're not dying today." he snarled a warning, squeezing you so hard that he was sure to leave bruises on your arms. Panic rose in him as he felt your body slowly go limp, your breaths becoming less and less frequent.
"Kaz… I love you." you whispered, making him freeze in a daze. You only said those words in his wildest dreams. He had secretly dreamed of it many times, but certainly not like this. Not while your soul was slowly escaping from this cruel world unworthy of you.
He doesn't remember exactly when Nina came running, or how Jesper took you out of his arms, or how he kept up with Jesper's frantic pace as he ran with you in his arms.
But he surely was shaking all the way to the Crow Club. He only breathed a few hours after Nina announced to everyone that you would live. Then he left, without even entering your room to make sure Zenik's words were true, and locked himself in his office.
Tears began to fall from his eyes as he leaned against the door.
He could have lost you. Forever. Another person close to him.
His dreams would be tormented by the sight of your bloody corpse in some dirty alley. Again, he felt like that helpless little boy who had lost his brother. He found himself with Jordie THERE again.
Kaz couldn't go through all of it again. He wouldn't get up after your death. And there was only one thing he could do...
Fuck it all.
He needed you.
He was too exhausted to pretend any longer.
He was Kaz Brekker. He didn't need a reason. But his slowly dying heart without you seemed to be enough of an excuse to see you. Even if you're going to completely break it. Even the cold Bastard from the Barrel saw it as a good deal.
"JESPER!" he shouted, jumping out of his chair with his cane in hand.
"Yes?" his friend was at his side faster than ever.
"Tell the others to pack up. We're leaving in an hour." he muttered, taking out his travel bag from the wardrobe. Even without turning around, he knew a big smile had formed on Jesper's face.
We're going to get my girl back.
"About the damn time, Kaz." he patted him on the back and ran out of his office, telling the other crows the good news.
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Even though I'm nothing to you now
Even though I'm nothing to you now
Kaz had been afraid of a few things in his life, but walking through the threshold of your new apartment seemed to be the most terrible of all his fears.
His crows obeyed him without objection for the first time in their lives and stayed at the hotel. He came here. On trembling legs and a rapidly beating heart. With his soul on his shoulder, ready to sacrifice and do anything to get you back. And if you didn't change your mind, it would be with a mind ready to carve your image into his memory so he could enjoy seeing you one last time in his miserable life.
Before he could change his mind, he knocked on the door.
He waited patiently, hearing footsteps approaching. He held his breath as the key turned in the lock.
But you weren't the one who opened the door for him.
"What?" a well-built, dark-haired man stood in the doorway.
Kaz began to compare himself to him, concluding that, when it came to appearance, he was superior to him in everything. He didn't stand a chance against someone like that for your heart. Doubts began to flood back into him. What if Nina was right?
"Are you going to stand here for half a day or..."
"Jackson!" your voice from the depths of the apartment shook Kaz. It froze him completely, irritating the man in front of him even more. "I need your help here, you big fool. What are you doing?" a moment later, you were standing in the vestibule. Your eyes met. Kaz shivered under your gaze, cursing himself for how quickly he fell under your spell as he stood there completely dazed.
"Y/N." your name came out of his mouth reverently, like a prayer, like a song long forgotten by a wanderer. You looked exactly the same as you did a few months ago. Except for the faint shadows under his eyes, which Kaz considered his greatest enemies.
"Kaz."
"Jackson. Hello there." the man waved at him, stepping between you. Jackson looked at you, worried. Kaz felt both anger welling up in him, a feeling of envy at how close you were with this strange guy, but also relief that you had someone close to take care of you. Not that you couldn't overcome the worst hell alone. He just felt relieved that you didn't have to. "Let him in, or should I kick his ass, wave?"
Wave? Did you two have nicknames for each other?
"It's all right. You can leave us." you said as you walked past him to face Kaz. The man behind you sighed, shaking his head.
"I hope you know what you're doing."
It might as well have been directed at Kaz. For the first time in his whole new Dirtyhands' life, he didn't have a plan, an emergency exit, or another backup plan. But now he was standing in front of you, staring at you helplessly as he absorbed your form. And that damn sea smell in your hair...
"Kaz."
"Y/N." he said as he came back down to earth. He took a small, calming breath. "How are you?"
"Really? Are you here just to ask how I'm doing?" she asked incredulously, folding her arms.
Kaz wrinkled his nose at your dry, angry tone. As he could see, it would be even more difficult than he thought. He stood in front of you, twirling his cane nervously in his hands.
"I'm here for a completely different reason, but I couldn't… I couldn't not come and see you." he admitted turning his gaze back to you after lowering his head in embarrassment.
"I'm alright. My brother and I are having a great time."
"Brother?" he asked. Relief and joy washed over him. Nor could he help himself to this naive hope, which began to warm his cold heart.
"Yes... Jackson. Who did you think he was?" he did not answer. You could have guessed. He knew you saw the flicker of jealousy in his eyes after that strange man called you a wave. You were his tidemaker, his wave, his sea, and all the fucking things. For a moment, he forgot that he was the one who had deprived himself of the right to claim against you. "You saw me, you asked how I was, so you can go now. Goodbye, Kaz." you were about to close the door on him, but at the last moment he put his cane between them, preventing you from doing so. You opened your door again, giving him a questioning look.
"Come back with me." he whispered, defeated. He couldn't let you go. Not again, not after there was still the slightest chance you might still want him.
"What?" you whispered softly, pretty sure you misheard him.
"There's no other reason why I'm here... I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't think or function like a normal person without you next to me. I'm one step away from daydreaming about you, hallucinating, and being insane that you're still by my side, so please... I'm begging you to come back to me. I know I don't deserve you and that I hurt you. You have every right to kick me out, but please, Y/N, just come home."
"What exactly am I supposed to come back to, Kaz? A cold, surly boss who is afraid of his feelings? Who doesn't hesitate to hurt me to protect his heart?"
"I'm not... I'm not good at this. Feelings. I... I don't know what it's like to love, but I know that when I'm with you... when I'm with you, nothing else matters. Not Ketterdam, not power, not Kruge, not wealth, not profit—nothing has ever been on my pedestal. Only you. Always you. And maybe I'm terrified of it, but now I know that I'd rather fight my own demons for you than let you go. I will try my best. If you still want me." he stared at you with undisguised hope in his eyes, only now realising how close he had come to you during your conversation. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek uncertainly. "I love you, Y/N... even if I'm nothing to you now." he murmured, risking everything and resting his forehead against yours with a sigh.
There must be something in the water
Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
He inhaled your scent with his eyes closed, waiting for your move. Hope grew with him every second you continued to let him be so close to you.
"You're an idiot, Kaz Brekker." he didn't contradict or argue with you. He was a complete idiot, pushing you away and begging you to come back, all the while acting like a love-crazy fool… however, he wouldn't have it any other way if it meant you taking your place in his office again. If someday he could hold you in his arms… "You have lucky you're my idiot. With all of your bruises, scars, and everything else." you promised, hugging him tighter. You pulled away from him with serious eyes, making Kaz swallow. "But if you do that shit again, forget I'm coming back to you. Also, we need to seriously work on your communication, Brekker. Do you know how long I've had to struggle here with that other idiot who claims to be my brother?"
"I can hear all of it!" you sighed at your brother's grumbling and gave Kaz a meaningful look. Brekker smiled slightly, causing a matching goofy smirk to appear on your face.
"See? But seriously, I'm not kidding. Last chance, Kaz."
"A deal is a deal. You're never going anywhere without me again."
"A red flag!" your brother coughed from the kitchen. You rolled your eyes, grabbing the edge of Kaz's coat sleeve.
"Shut up, Jackson. I'm leaving, I'll be back in an hour! Try not to burn down the apartment, spitfire."
You didn't wait for his answer as you slammed the door behind you and stepped out with Kaz into the street. Brekker led you towards the hotel where the other crows were staying. His hand in yours, which did not escape your notice. You turned your head towards him, giving him a confused look, which made him smile slightly, shifting his gaze to the port and the sea.
At one point, he noticed that one of the waves "attacked" a trader, washing him over. He cursed so loudly that you could hear him even from this distance. Kaz shifted his gaze to you, immediately noticing the sly smirk on your face. Suddenly, the wallet fell from the sky right into your waiting hand, along with droplets of salty, cool water.
He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. A self-satisfied smirk formed on his face after seeing your blush.
One day, he will be able to touch you without his gloves. Hold in your arms without layers of clothes on. He will do it. No matter how long it takes him to get rid of the greatest demon of his past. But something told him that you'd keep his head from going under the water again. His queen of waves. His crow. His anchor. And he will make sure that he holds you in his arms forever.
#Spotify#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker#kaz x reader#masterlist#six of crows#oneshot#kazzle dazzle#kaz brekker x oc#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kasagia#kaz and jesper#nina zenik#inej ghafa#fools in love#angst with a happy ending#angst with a fluffy ending#fluff#missing someone#romance#flirting#ketterdam#the crows#jesper fahey#kaz x y/n#kaz x you#angst
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Noah's alphabet
Noah Sebastian x female reader
Following the Bad Omens's alphabet request with Noah, everybody's male whore. This is obviously NSFW.
Mama's tag list: @circle-with-me @somewhere-diamond @malice-ov-mercy @smokeynaomi @darkhallcorner @loeytuan98 @sthnog @cookiesupplier @cncohshit @lma1986 @skulliecadaver-blog
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
I feel like sex unlocks a new Noah. Let's face it, we don't like it but Noah surely is emotionally constipated. He won't talk about his feelings or about too many deep things, especially at the beginning of the relationship. But after sex you know, maybe he feels closer to you because of the intimacy but he would open up to you a little. You may have deeper conversations as he holds you in his arms, staring at the ceiling.
B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
This is a boob man come on. He is more boyish than Jolly you know. When I was telling you that Jolly enjoyed a nice cleavage, yes he does but in a mature way. I feel like Noah is still silly enough to just go "OMG BOOBS YAY!!!"
And on him, I feel like he came to a situation where he is able to enjoy how big his hands are, especially compared to yours. Let's be honest even if you are gigantic the chances of you being taller than him are very low. And he enjoys how big you're making him feel and the hands are the best way to compare.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Will cum in his pants while eating you out.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Same as the Ruffilo's one. They jerked off together once (if not more). They really were too suspicious and I like it, ok?
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Is he experienced? I don't know I don't have the same vibe that I had with Jolly. We all wish he was because it's better for the plot buuuuuut you know... :///
He must be, a little at least but not that much? He tries tho, he tries his best but your first times were maybe like-
"here?"
"no not here noah."
"okay here maybe?"
"still not..."
"uuuggghhh?!"
"alright I'll show you. HERE."
"oooooooh."
And this dude discovered a new world, now he is able to know what he is doing. But he wasn't before.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Missionary with him holding your hands above your head. He is hovering over you, both of your wrists in his hand, pinned over your head and he just slowly thrusts into you, watching your reactions. He likes how it makes him feel in charge.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Ain't no way this dude is cracking jokes during the deed. He is on a mission, he is not going to try and be humorous. I'm not saying that he is taking it like WE ARE HAVING SEX, SEX IS DONE, BACK TO NORMAL PERSONALITY serious kind of type, but he is not goofy either.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Oh he trims it for sure, he is taking care of the carpet. It's not fully trimmed okay but he spends time cutting it for it to be nice and clean.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Back to this dude not dealing with his emotions, he gotta let them out at some point. I'm pretty sure he can be very very intimate. Once again especially at the beginning of your relationship. But yeah that dude is romantic, that dude is worshipping you, he loves you and he tries to let you know it during sex because if he doesn't he is going to burst into flames with all of these emotions he can feel.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
I really have issues with this headcanon every time because I always want to say FUCKING YES I LOVE IT QUEEN GO MASTURBATE. But for this one, yeah he does it okay, but not really how I wish he did. Definitely does it in the shower tho. A hand against the tiles and he just whoop whoop the meat.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Submission kink, he likes to see you at his mercy. Not in a violent way but more to know that yes you're drooling and crying on the mattress because of him and that he is the only one who can pleasure you. That you are on your knees for him, and only him. Once he gets to know your body he is going to use it to his advantage.
And I think he has a praise kink, oh fuck me he does. He likes to hear you say how good he is, how good he is making you feel and how you can't deal with the pleasure because of him.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Love the idea of him taking you in the kitchen. Why? I don't know but him taking you on the counter or on the dinner table. Love it. Besides that, bed.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Oh you're walking around the house wearing his t-shirt and his shorts? You're good for one. Noah needs to feel loved I think, to feel like he matters to you, he belongs to you, that you won't abandon him so whenever there is something that makes him feel like that he just gets a little too excited-
Back to how to deal with his feelings. He doesn't know how so -> sex.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Honestly, I know I wrote threesomes with him but let's be real this is not accurate. He won't do threesomes. Once again he wants to feel loved not to feel like you desire someone more than him. And he is not going to fight for your affection in this case. If he feels like you want someone else he will just go "alright she doesn't love me anymore. I've been fucked again." SO NO SHARING, SORRY LADIES.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Oh come on that one is an easy one. We all agreed that Noah was a proud munch, there is no debate anymore. He will eat you slow and nice or either suck the soul out of you, there is no in-between. But when that dude eats? HE EATS. He will eat and make you come until he is satisfied.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
I love the idea of slow and sensual sex. Like slow sex in the morning, you both just wake up and he is just ready to go you know? He'll fuck you nicely and tenderly. Missionary it's him looking at you, very calculated thrust so he can admire how you close your eyes and how you moan.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
He does them. First of all because of his tight schedule and maybe yours but also because-
AAHH he is so frustrated and doesn't know how to deal with it? Boom quickie. He just finds you very hot when you're cooking? Boom quickie. Quickie, quickie, quickie.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
That dude won't take too much risk. No public sex, no semi-public sex, no PDA, nothing. He doesn't want ANYONE to stiff his nose in his private life so he won't take risks.
That aside he is not again some experimenting.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
I'm sure he has a great stamina. He has lungs, he's athletic now, pushing to the gym. That dude is doing multiple rounds, maybe with some small breaks in between but he is doing it.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
They went from 😠enemies😠 to 🌈friends🌈 in his eyes. At first, he was not for it, he didn't know how to use it and didn't understand why. He was like "what do you want a toy when you can have me???". But the more you guys grew together, the more you tried things and the more he accepted them and enjoyed them. They didn't replace him so he is happy with it.
And for himself I don't think he really uses them that much.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
That dude is a fucking bitch. I'm sorry but he is teasing you, he is enjoying seeing you ignite yourself because of him. He is truly unfair and it pampers his ego.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
That dude is loud and in a messy way. He moans, he groans, he talks, he lose himself in the deed. He'll keep telling you how good you feels and how tight you are.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Has a thing for mini skirts, panties with ribbons and high socks.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
LONG. Necessarily not massive or heavy but LONG.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
I think his sex drive is really random. It can be a week of random quickies or like more intimate sex multiple times a week. Often it's a mix of both but it depends on the schedule you know.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Either fall asleep immediately or won't be able to sleep because you guys talked for hours and now he is overthinking about why he overshared like that. What if you don't like him in the morning because he said too much? (it won't happen but this dude is a little psychotic.)
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Hi i hope you doing well. I have a resquest... more like a headcanon. What if Adam was a dad ? What his behaviour will be ? Does he be a good or a bad father ?
I understand if you don't do it. I don't want to force you for something you don't want to.
Dadam (Dad!Adam) Headcanons
we bringing out the daddy issues on this one boys
WARNINGS: none
A/N: I haven't done a headcanon type of post yet, but they're easier to write than regular one shots and I'm too tired for that shit. The request didn't specify what kind of Reader (spouse or child), so I just went with general headcanons that don't specify the Reader at all. Insert yourself as you wish!
Also, thank you all for your patience! It's been very busy for me lately and I've been too exhausted to write much, so expect a lot more of these kinds of posts (the formatting is easier and I don't have to write a bunch of dialogue lol).
Dividers
As the father of humanity, Adam had...a lot of kids. The guy lived for 800+ years just populating the earth. That's a LOT of kids.
We all know how the first two turned out. That is, not fuckin' well.
To be honest, I don't think Adam valued his children. It was just kinda... a thing he had to do. (When Abel died and Cain got exiled, he fr just went and had another kid to replace them.)
But I am in deep, deep denial and this is for my enjoyment as someone with severe daddy issues. So fuck all that.
At first, Adam is 100% the guy that freaks the fuck out when he finds out he knocked someone up. That man is SWEATING.
He's actually pretty chill if it's someone he's in an established long-term relationship with, though. He still freaks the fuck out, but to a significantly lesser degree and with a much smaller chance of up and leaving.
Once he's over the initial shock, he's shocked to find that he's kind of excited. Back when he was alive, having kids was just normal because it was such a common occurrence.
This man knows every little detail about pregnancy and infants. With the amount of kids he's had? He has seen it ALL.
Sure, all his information is thousands of years old, but knowledge learned through experience is super valuable when it comes to this shit! He doesn't know what the fuck a uterus is, but he knows exactly how to make his partner the most comfortable, how to deal with cravings, etc.
If his partner has a problem, he's got a solution. It might be a fuckin' weird one, but it works!
He'll probably grumble and complain, but he doesn't actually mean it. Bitching is just his thing, y'know?
But... pregnancy hormones + Adam's douchebag-ness = feelings getting hurt.
If his partner starts crying because of some shit joke or complaint he made? He's scrambling so fast.
"Shit, babe, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, fuckfuckfuck, don't cry—"
Once the baby is born, he definitely surprises literally everyone but his partner by actually doing helpful shit.
Changing diapers? Easy fuckin' peasy (he does watch a tutorial online because he doesn't know how tf modern diapers work but he's a fast learner) Feeding? No problemo. Getting up in the middle of the night to do both of those things? His sleep schedule's already fucked, this shit ain't new.
When it comes to parenting and raising the kid, though... that's definitely where Adam struggles.
He'd struggle with bonding. A lot. Adam mostly talks about things that you really shouldn't say around children, much less bond over.
I think he'd be better at just letting the kid ramble while he's just sitting there, fully engrossed in whatever bullshit his child is saying. He's not just passively listening with little 'uh-huh's and nods, this man is active in the discussion.
Have you ever heard a small child speak? They say the most random shit ever, and Adam would love it. It's peak entertainment to him. Even if it's just incoherent babbling, he'll have full-on conversations with this baby.
He'd definitely have some shared interests as the kid gets older. I think Adam's favorite shows/movies are a mix of action movies and shit like Power Rangers. He's not ashamed of it either—'fuck you, the Power Rangers are fuckin' cool.'
This also goes for video games. I know that man is a toxic COD gamer boy and you can't prove me wrong. Basically, the only thing that keeps him from becoming one of those husbands that locks himself away in a man cave to play video games is the fact that he can game with his kid.
And once they get into school, he just gets really invested in the drama. Elementary school drama is such bullshit, and it'd be the best reality TV he's ever seen.
"Oh, don't tell me—it's that bitch Cindy. The fuck did that little shit do this time?"
He'd be gasping like it's a damn soap opera. 'Oh no she didn't!' kinda vibe.
He'd talk so much shit around his kid about the parents of their classmates, the teachers, anyone.
Then the kid would repeat it and Adam would get sat down in the office with his kid like:
"Your child said, and I quote, 'My dad says your mom's a bitch.'"
"What? She fuckin' is."
And yeah, he's not wrong - some of those parents are fucking nightmares.
If his kid got in trouble for fighting, his reaction would depend on the situation.
If it was unprovoked and/or a part of bullying, he'd originally laugh it off but would be freaking the fuck out internally.
He's probably a little traumatized by what happened with Cain and Abel.
But if the fighting was an act of defense (whether of themselves or someone else) he would be the proudest dad ever. Fist-bumps his kid in the office in full view of the principal.
You cannot trust this man to give his kid the sex talk. It just will not go well.
Like, if his kid needs advice when they're older (basically anything beyond 'where do babies come from') then he's your guy, but it's still gonna be awkward and uncomfortable.
He'd probably have Lute handle most of those issues just so he doesn't have to know about his kid's sex life but can still trust that they have a responsible(?) adult if they have questions.
In terms of where Adam is lacking as a parent, there's a few areas in particular to focus on.
Emotional availability? Not his strong suit. At all. He can't deal with his own feelings, let alone his kid's. Most of the emotional support will be coming from his partner.
That doesn't mean he doesn't try. But he can't show it with words all that well. He'll show emotional support in other ways—quality time, gifts, and acts of service for the most part. Like going out for ice cream, watching a movie, etc.
He's not good with discipline. To him, everything's no big deal. If his kid hasn't killed their sibling, that's good enough for him!
Generally, his partner will choose when/how to discipline (with Adam's input ofc), but Adam's job is to just enforce it/not overrule it.
He's 100% the type to be sneaky about it tho. If his kid is grounded, he'll go out with them to give them a break from being stuck in the house, y'know, stuff like that.
Because of this, his kid forms a closer, different kind of bond than with Adam's partner. It's more friendly, I guess is the word?
Like, his kid won't go to him for actual helpful advice, but if they fuck up somehow or are in a bad situation that they kinda got themselves into (drinking, car accident, etc.), then Adam is the parent they call.
I think Adam's peak parenting era would be when his kid is a late teen/young adult.
'Cause then he can actually be himself, for the most part. His personality is not very kid-friendly, so once his kid isn't really much of a kid anymore—he is so fucking excited.
His relationship with his kid would be a lot more unconventional as they grow older. Like, he's really close with his kid once they're an adult. (totally not basing this off my relationship with my mom)
His advice would be shit, but he'd give it if his kid needed it!
Definitely the type to text his kid more often than most parents. Mostly because he texts more like them and has the same sense of humor. Lots of shitty memes.
Also!! I think Adam would definitely make time for his partner. Date nights are a must. His kid better get comfortable with sleepovers at friends' houses or getting babysat by Emily 'cause he ain't letting parenthood fuck up his sex life.
I think that's all I got. Not sure how to end this so uh... shoutout to all you bitches with daddy issues lmao
Taglist: @little-miss-chaoss @fakeguysarehot @3sire-777
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel adam x reader#hazbin hotel fluff#hazbin hotel oneshots#hazbin hotel headcanons#headcanons#adam headcanons#hazbin headcanons#adam x reader
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burning desire
10.3k // pairing:dbf/neighbor!joel x f!reader
Series Masterlist l Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3
summary: An argument with your mother before family dinner leaves Joel worried about you. He sneaks you away to grab a drink and talk about what’s on your mind.
warnings: MA 18+ (minors DNI), no outbreak, dbf/neighbor!joel, soft-hot-protective!joel, rocky mother-daughter relationship (this one ain't for the weak - mommy issues galore) & discussions of verbal fighting, slight clues of abandonment issues, smut, swearing, age gap (reader is in her early 20s, Joel in his 40s), pet names, praise!kink activated, unprotected p in v (yes finally, the edging is over), mentions of birth control, slight cockwarming if you squint, slight degradation kink
A/N: I crave three things after writing this chapter: Joel, Joel Miller, Joel fucking Miller. Also, I’m almost done with The Last of Us Part 1 :(( sad that it’s ending, but it’s been so much fun to play! Enjoy this chapter <3
Your parents make good on their invitation and ask Joel over for dinner. A steak dinner, to be exact. Paired with wine, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a pie your parents picked up from the local bakery in town.
You sort of hope Joel pulls out his long list of excuses to evade any awkwardness.
Sorry, can’t tonight. I’m finishin’ up somethin’ for work. Can’t wait another day.
Or,
Hey, maybe another night. Not feelin’ too hot.
When in reality, it’s more like,
I can’t come over for dinner tonight because I might bend your daughter over my truck if I see her again.
As active as you and Joel have been, you have yet to hit a home run in lewd baseball terms. In fact, all the bases in your and Joel’s game were totally screwed up. You hit third base before you hit first, and you weren’t even sure if there was a second base. It was all just so confusing now.
But you wanted the home run, you wanted Joel, you desired him in that light. You wondered if he was ready for it.
Screwed over by your father asking Joel over for dinner and screwed over by Joel agreeing, you had no other choice but to sit through it and act like everything was normal.
And everything was normal for the first half of the day before you and your mother got into it.
The argument was recycled. You wished she would come up with better material. But it always came down to what you wanted to do after this summer since you recently graduated. And that was an ongoing war.
After two door slams, your mother retreating to her bunker, and you finding shelter in the bathroom, you’d say today’s battle was over.
You sit on the floor, bare feet touching cold tile. In a way, it soothes your shaky body.
No matter how old you get, this feeling never seems to waver with its intensity. The feeling that no one’s listening, no matter how hard you scream for them to hear you. Regardless of how often you have these conversations, you become a small child again, being scolded and told that what you thought and wanted wasn’t right.
You managed to collect your journal expertly hidden in your bedroom before fleeing to the safety of the bathroom. You flip open the pages with teary eyes.
You wish you didn’t have to admit that this was your safe space. On the bathroom floor, back flushed against the dark wood door as you closed your eyes and tried to calm your breathing.
June 17th
2:28 P.M.
Mom started a fight with me about not traveling again. She says it’s crucial for me to start my career immediately. I don’t even know what I want to be yet.
You have to pause to blink back tears. You wish you had your life figured out like it felt everyone else did.
Why does she have to care so much that I want to leave for a little bit? It’s not like it’s forever. There’s so much more out there. I’ve studied miscellaneous classes for four years and want a break. Why do we always have to have this conversation over and over again? She always asks how I will take care of student loans and bills. I have repeatedly told her that I’ve been saving up for a while to do this. She keeps saying she wants what’s best for me and doesn’t want me to start my career too late. She says it’s hard to let me go.
I love her, and I appreciate her support through school, but school is what taught me about independence as well as academics. I want to live my life and have experiences you can only get by leaving home for a little bit. Maybe then I’ll better understand what I want for my future.
Your writing pauses, and you stare straight ahead at the beige wall, blurry eyes reading another cheesy sign.
Bathroom - Open 24 Hours - Seat Yourself.
You decide to spare a moment of your mother’s casualties and pencil in something else that’s been recently stirring.
I’ve been seeing Joel Miller casually since the start of this summer. I can’t believe I’m even writing this. It’s weird -- but in a way, it’s also not? He’s older by like a mile, but he’s familiar, comfortable. Easy to talk to. It doesn’t feel like he’s judging me. I’m not trying to read too much into it, but this summer sucks less because of Joel. Whether he knows it or not.
---
You and your mother work around each other while setting up dinner in the backyard garden. She steps back inside to grab more wine glasses.
You’ve put on a nice summer dress. The hem lands somewhere on your thighs and flows with the breeze. After sobbing on the cold bathroom tile for an hour, you don't feel very pretty, but eating outside and soaking up some fresh air might make you feel better.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
Joel Miller was the largest, broadest, lumberjack-est man you had ever met, but he moved as quietly as a mouse. Your eyes blink a few times as you haphazardly set down the bowl of mashed potatoes on the circular table.
“Hi.”
Your voice is raw and red, softer than usual. Joel seems to instantly take notice. You see it in the way his eyes soften. He moves a little closer, hands resting on the back of one of the white outdoor dining chairs.
Your face probably reads more panicky than intended. He picks up on your faulty mood and assumes the worst.
“Do they.. Do they know?” He asks, eyebrows knitted with a deep furrow in between.
Your eyes go doe-ish, shaking your head and occupying your hands with a spare cloth napkin.
“What? No. Why would you think that?”
He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t have to. He takes one long look over your being and you feel it in the space between you.
Somethin’s wrong.
Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine, Joel.
He tilts his head, eyes narrowing on you more.
Suddenly, you felt exposed. Like someone had ripped the curtain open on you. No one had ever seen right through you like this before. It was unsettling, but god, you just wanted to lean right into it.
If your parents weren’t just inside, you’d walk right into his front and curl your head in his chest just under the hook of his chin. You’d close your eyes and wrap your small arms around his waist.
He’d encircle you in his big, protective arms and shield you from the pain you’ve felt today. You’d listen to his heart thrumming against his chest, using the rhythm to try and slow down your breathing while he whispers to you in his sweet southern drawl.
S’alright, sweetheart. Everything’s gonna be okay. I see you tryin’.
His eyes flitter into light again, ease passing across his features.
“Like the dress.” He looks over you with a condescending little smirk. This man has never seen you in a dress in your life.
“Shut up. It’s just for dinner.”
He lets out a cocky little tut. “‘Cause you knew I was comin’ over?”
When you look up at him again, his hand gently rests over yours. You don’t have time to appreciate it; the sliding back door opens, and your father’s big booming laughter shakes the nearby lake. Joel’s subtle touch is instantly gone.
“Joel! So good to see you! Hey, great bonfire a few weeks ago.”
You take a deep breath and excuse yourself from the shop talk. You don’t want to be alone with your mother in the house, but the table still needs to be set up. You work around each other in silence. She grabs the salad, you grab the dinner rolls and green beans. You could hear a pin drop.
---
Dinner would have been better if you had an appetite. You spent the majority of your time making a tilled farm field out of your mashed potatoes. You’d flatten out your helping with a fork and then gently run the fork’s ribs through the moldable potatoes and create little crop lines out of it. You don’t always play with your food, but you weren’t really up for conversation. Your mother takes notice. She hates it. She hates that you were letting your personal problems exist in the company of others.
The only time you looked up even slightly was when Joel started talking. Sort of a calm in an unknown storm, you suppose. He looked so handsome without even really trying. You wore a crooked smile as you looked over the dark green button-up he was wearing. It was starting to be your favorite color, he wore it so well.
There were points where your parents would turn to each other. And Joel would turn to you. It was sort of a silent check-in.
Under the protection of the table, his hand found your knee, his big fingers lightly playing with the hem of your dress. It was the first time you cracked a real smile all dinner. Your hand ghosted over his, your nails lightly running soothing, slow lines on the underside of his wrist by his watch.
You doin’ okay?
Mhm.
It didn’t dawn on you that Joel might have felt he did something to cause your saddened mood. And this was his way of asking. You bit down on your lower lip, feeling his fingers lightly interlock with yours over your knee. Your eyelashes flutter at the warmth it propels through your body. It was just what you needed. Everything was going to be okay.
---
You’re working over a stubborn steak juice stain on a plate as the sun sets over the lake and glistens a soft yellow-orange hue through the windows in the kitchen. Your parents are moving around you while you rinse the dishes, back turned to them as they spoke in mundane conversation and pack up leftovers.
You don’t see him, but you can feel Joel’s presence as he enters the doorway. He watches you. He watches your parents. You wonder what he sees. The next thing you know, he’s shaking your parents hands and bidding them goodnight.
He stops at you. As the running faucet splashes against a few forks and a wine glass, you spare him a glance.
“Walk me out?” Your parents take notice of his ask. And not in the way you expect.
You tilt back and forth on your feet, looking back to the dishes. You really just wanted to finish what was left to clean and read in your room for the rest of the night.
“Uhm-”
“Go on and walk him out, honey. We’ll see you soon, Joel. Thanks for stoppin’ in.”
Your eyes go from Joel’s, to your parents. If they were anything, at least they were oblivious.
You and your mother share a look before she sighs and exits the kitchen. Your jaw loosens, not even realizing how hard you were grinding your teeth while looking at her.
“Yeah. Okay.” Your murmured voice is barely audible above the gushing sink faucet. After you set the plate on the drying rack and smear your wet hands on a dish towel, you walk Joel outside.
The night breeze off the lake sets in a layer of goosebumps up your arms.
Joel’s boots scuff against the gravel and dirt in his driveway, his footsteps pausing at his truck and turning to face you.
The rising moon and setting sun work in unison to highlight his aquiline nose and silver-sprinkled jawline. He’s charmingly handsome. Rugged features meet a stone facade.
You take a hesitant look back into the house. The kitchen light is still on, but no one is in the small windows.
“You wanna tell me what’s really goin’ on with you?” He crosses his arms, cocking his leg out as he leans his weight onto one of his hips.
You muster up a shrug and fold your hands around your arms to keep the light chill away. It felt like you couldn’t tell the truth, the house and your parents inside watching over you. The pressure of it all makes your shoulders lurch up a bit into your neck.
But Joel continues to press you. You’re making him nervous, you think, because he’s not accustomed to seeing you so quiet.
“Are you..” His words falter and fall off, and you can see the frown creased into his mouth. “You’re wantin’ t’stop seein’ each other?”
“What?” Now you’re the one frowning, closing the gap between you and Joel and taking him by his hand to the other side of the truck, using it as a shield between you and the rest of the world. Your back flushes against his driver-side door.
“No, I don’t want to stop seeing you, Joel.” You frown and squeeze his hand a little tighter in assurance. “Trust me. You’re kind of..” You struggle to make the words fit. Nothing seems right. You’re kind of the only person I want to be around right now.
Joel looks a little relieved. He doesn’t make you finish your sentence. He seems to connect the dots. Joel looks from your solemn face to the house behind you—the cause of your ill-stricken mood.
“How about we grab a drink n’talk.” It’s not a question, exactly, it’s more like a command.
You don’t want to talk about what happened, and you have a sneaking suspicion that if you two go off together, your parents will be asking questions.
You push the toe of your sneaker into the gravel and twist slowly back and forth.
“I should just head back inside. My parents are probably waiting up for me, anyway. Cleanup duty.” You say unenthusiastically with a dash of sarcasm. Joel’s eyes are looking past you, still at the house. You turn around to follow his eyeline. All the lights in the house have been turned off—even the porch light. Joel scowls at the sight, thinking how he always leaves the light on for Sarah.
The caged-in feeling returns, your chest tight as you look to your feet and try to breathe through the ache your heart held. You wanted to get out of here, and now.
“Never mind.” You bite down on your lower lip to hold it together. “Let’s go.”
You’re already swinging open Joel’s door, rust creaking at the joints as you slide into the passenger seat. These old trucks with no center console were so cool to you. Maybe you'd appreciate it more if you weren’t in such a shitty mood. But Joel’s already in the truck beside you, the warmth he’s radiating was welcome. His key turns in the ignition, and it clicks a few times before the engine roars to life.
You don’t talk, he doesn’t force you to. You feel at peace putting some distance between you and the lakehouse.
Joel drives past neighborhoods with funny street names. Thunderbird Lane. Firefly Drive. Sugar Loaf Lane.
As the sun just finishes setting, the whole town is covered in an orange glow that will soon fade to purple. Everything flies by your window, and moving at this speed feels like the cage is lifting around your chest, the clasps on your wrist snapping free.
Rolling down the window makes the breeze funnel into the truck and flow through your hair. Before you know it, your body is halfway out of the window.
“What ‘n God’s name do you think you’re doin’?” Joel’s tone was warning, his fist catching your dress in a fist around your lower back in an attempt to make sure you didn’t get thrown out of the truck. “Get back in here.”
You turned back so Joel could see you, eyes lit, and a smile from ear to ear. His hold slowly loosens at the sight before him.
Back arched out the window, he drives a little slower and towards the center of the road. You look up, arms outstretched into the night air as you breathe everything in. Fresh lungs, filled with a new perspective, no tears left to cry as you hang out of Joel’s window. The stars gleam, and the universe is vast.
Oh my god. You hear yourself mumble, feeling freedom reeling through your entire body. And like that, you were new again.
A satisfied sigh leaves your lips. You’re back in the truck now, and you roll the window up but not completely closed. The wind still tickles a breeze into your thrown-about hair. You look to Joel, his eyes already on yours.
Joel sees your fire has been re-lit, thrashing out licks of flame and building in intensity. He adores you wild and free.
“Better?”
You fix the space between you, your body melting into his side as your head lazily rolls onto his shoulder. His heavy arm finds its way around the tops of your shoulders to keep you sedentary.
“Much better.”
---
He ends up passing the central part of town. It’s better this way. Go somewhere he won’t be recognized with a woman half his age. He’s the one who lives in town throughout the year. You and your family only visit in the summer. It doesn’t help that the town is small, and Joel is one of a handful of skilled contractors in the area.
His rusted truck lulls to a jittery stop outside a small bar lit by a red neon sign reading, Past Lives. You wander inside, passing empty barstools and a glowing dartboard, while your sneakers crunch peanut shells littering the ground. You nearly slipped on a large pile of them, but Joel’s hand was firmly on your bicep before you could flail any further.
“You might be the clumsiest woman I’ve ever met.” He mutters, annoyance passing over his features.
You roll your eyes and scoot onto one of the tall barstools at a small square table against the wall. “I doubt that’s true.”
He shrugs his shoulders and cracks open a peanut, tossing it into his mouth. “You’re right. Your mother is the clumsiest woman I know. You get it from her. Once, I watched her glide five or six feet down the end of the dock and land in the water.”
An ill feeling passes over you again, pursing your lips as you trace your finger around the small bowl Joel is picking his peanuts from.
Joel halts his movements, chewing included, and watches as your eyes stare meaninglessly at the table.
“Never really seen you like this. Thought I’d like it if you were quiet for once. But now it just feels out of character.”
Joel’s boot teasingly nudges your sneaker under the table. His brown eyes look warm despite the lack of light in the dingy bar. Your stomach twists thinking about how he looked under the moonlight just half an hour ago.
Those pretty eyes of his meet yours. Soft. Kind. “Talk to me.”
A beaten-up sigh leaves your lips, tugging at the hem of your dress.
After a drink or two, you tell Joel everything he missed before dinner. How you and your mother fought. How it was all venom and tears, leaving you cold and alone on the bathroom tile. By the time the battle came to a halt, there was no clear winner or loser.
Joel’s an attentive listener. He doesn’t interrupt. He knows when to prompt you need a push. Joel’s pile of peanut shells has turned into a small molehill. The ice in your drink sloshes around as you start talking with your hands.
“I love her, I mean, she’s my mom. But she’s always fought me on this. This-this-...”
“The traveling,” Joel assists, his large hand nursing a small glass of whiskey. He looks amused like he enjoys watching you spew. You supposed he feels more relieved to see you explode like this rather than holding it all in.
“And-and it’s so much more than that! She fought me about leaving Texas for school, she fought me about doing a semester abroad, she just can’t let me go, it’s suffocating!”
You didn’t mean to sound so passionate, and you hadn’t realized how vocal you became until someone slowly clapped on the other side of the bar in appreciation. You stifled a laugh and put your head shyly in your hands.
He nods slowly, waiting to see what you’ll say next. You’re using him like you’re journaling at home, now it’s just interactive.
You sigh and pinch at the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes as you listen to an old country slow song humming throughout the bar.
“Didn’t even wanna come back this year.” Your words are barely above a murmur.
This makes Joel pause. “What d’you say?”
You sit up straight and sigh, crossing one leg over the other under the table. These stupid drinks are making you tell the truth. Be more vulnerable than you would ordinarily be. But it’s also because you’re talking to Joel, and he’s always been interested in what you have to say.
“I didn’t want to come back this year. These past few years, I didn’t come back to Danbury because I sort of- purposely- busied up my summer. Internships, work, anything to keep me busy and out from under their-their….” You pause to make hand gestures that are wide and all-encompassing.
Joel juts his jaw out to the side, lips pursed before he speaks again.
“M’happy you came back.”
There’s a moment of silence. Joel’s eyes aren’t on yours anymore. He’s swirling his glass around slowly and watching his ice rotate in a sloppy circle. You slowly start to smile as he looks bashful.
“What did you say, Mr.Miller?” You pry teasingly, reaching your hand over and gently stroking his watch band. The nickname makes his eyes narrow on yours.
“Nothin’. Forget about it.” He throws back the last of his drink, and you’re cooing for him to continue.
“Wha- Joel, come on! Why did you say that?”
He’s just trying to buckle down his smile, hiding it with his whiskey glass and shaking his head.
“Didn’t say nothin’.”
“Yes, you so did. Don’t even try to lie.”
“I’ve never lied a day in my life.”
Your eyes go wide, and now you’re smacking his forearm. He’s shoving quarters at you now, sliding them to your side of the table as a form of distraction.
“Can you just-” He scoffs under his breath and rolls his eyes, finalizing his quarter total to four. “-fuck off, go put a song on the jukebox.”
You sneer at him but obey. You look for something particular, pausing on Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac, smirking at him as you punch in his quarters. He seems confused as to why you stay standing at the jukebox.
The chorus hits, and you point accusingly at him as you do so.
“Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies,” you can’t even finish before your right foot catches on more slippery peanut shells, freezing like you were caught on ice skates and trying not to fall.
Joel’s hand has a vice grip on your bicep again until you regain your balance. God. Your face gathers heat as you snatch your phone off the table, and he lets out a laugh at your expense.
“Can’t sing,”
“Hey-”
“Can’t walk in a straight line.”
“I had like four drinks.”
“Two.” He corrects. There’s no hiding that you’re just unbearably uncoordinated.
“God. Just- get me out of here, Miller.”
Joel was biting back a smile. He likes teasing you, taunting you. Only because you know how to serve it back to him.
“Not until you see this. Wanna show you somethin’.” He sets down his whiskey and lays down cash to cover the tab.
You start your stride, and Joel’s already looking at you with instilled concern. You insist I’m fine. Go on. You follow him through a narrow hallway towards the restrooms, an exit door lit up with a red sign over it.
The walls are filled with signs, pictures, and letters, all illuminated by a soft flickering strip light. These were trails that people had left along the way, passing through the bar and leaving a piece of them behind for strangers to admire. It was like a memory wall.
Joel leans back against the men’s restroom doorframe, arms crossed as he silently admires the wall. And you.
Your fingers brush an old family picture timestamped from the late 80s. There were business cards, from bankers to bonds bailsman.
You feel Joel’s hand cast warmth on your hip, guiding you further down the hall. You follow his eyeline to a large yellow-light spoiled wall map. There were push pins all in different parts of the world.
“Look at all of these, Joel!” Your eagerness was evident as you stepped in front of him, finger flying from one point to the next, squinting past the tacks to read the cities people have visited.
“Bangkok, Thailand. Paris, France. Of course. London, Dubai, Tokyo.” Your voice trails off, finger-stopping around the empty parts of the map that some of the bargoers had yet to venture off to. The pins around the state of Texas were ironic.
You gently took a step back, Joel's broad and hardened front caressing your back. His arms gently wrap around you before they clasp at your front. You rest your temple against his bicep as you sigh. You found comfort in him tonight more than he could understand.
Your neck cranes to the side and up, observing his defined jawline from below. “Have you ever been out of the country?” Your face is lit with excitement, only to fall as he slowly shakes his head. You turn back to the map, your fingers gently holding onto his muscular forearm.
“Am I crazy for wanting to leave?”
You can feel a heavy breath leave through Joel’s nose, the air fanning over the top of your head.
“You’re not leavin’. You’re travelin’. You’ll come back, eventually.”
The muscle in your jaw twitches, and your eyes move to the Eastern side of the map, spotting the tiny European countries.
“Maybe my mom is so worried that if I decide to leave, I might not come back.” You say it as a joke. It makes Joel muster up a tut. But maybe, just maybe, you mean it.
---
You feel drops scatter from the dark black clouds overhead as you rush out to the truck, feeling the cold rain splash onto the exposed skin of your thighs.
Joel’s hot on your heels, doing his little side hop down the stairs and jogging lightly with his arms tucked into his sides. He’s already tossed you the keys to his truck. His body hovers over yours and shields the raindrops from landing on your head as you fiddle with unlocking the truck door.
“Any day now.”
His babbling thwarts your concentration.
“Fuck off, it’s like- rusted shut.” You tease before giving the handle one large tug, and it gives way with a creak. You slip in, dress hem tangling up on your upper thighs. Your hand flies to fix it instinctually, but you slow down when you see how adamantly Joel admires the exposed skin.
When you two make eye contact, he’s already cleared his throat and put the key in the ignition. He cranes his neck back to look out the rearview window, left hand cranking the wheel with precision while his right arm wraps around the back of your headrest. You swallow the lump in your throat, watching Joel reverse out of the bar’s parking lot and back onto the main road.
Your heart thumps, and you think he can hear it because his eyes are on yours when he turns back around. Magnetizing. And you have a hard time facing him without feeling a little shy. Because you’re thinking incredibly naughty things now.
On the drive home, the rain pelts the truck and hard. Joel’s wimpy wipers are working at full speed. He’s not concerned because he knows these streets with his eyes closed. He turns up the radio a little bit to drown out the rain. He does it for you to ease your nerves.
“You’re quiet.” He murmurs, his eyes still on the murky road in front of him.
You can’t help but be quiet. He looks so fucking hot. As dim streaks of lightning skitter across the sky, you see the silver hairs in his mustache and beard. His rain-dampened curls are recoiling, fresh, and wavy. His thick neck was lined with strong veins and muscle.
“So are you.” You murmur back.
His eyes catch you in sneaky glances. Your hair, pretty and dry since he shielded you in the bar’s parking lot. Dress half rumpled up your thighs, smooth skin of your legs exposed to his wandering pupils.
The truck suddenly shifts, veering off the main road.
“Woah,” you gasp, thinking the truck had slid at first. But Joel’s foot was still on the gas, cautiously guiding you off to a side road. You look around, covered by darkness and trees that shield your existence but do little to veil the obscene thoughts racing through your head.
Joel finally throws the truck into a parked position, your eyes watching as his hand snaps the keys out of the ignition.
He looks over at you expectantly. And you just deadpan.
“Get over here." He says between gritted teeth, voice drenched in lust as he snaps off his seatbelt and then your own.
His large hands pull you in as soon as you’re free. You don’t waste another minute, straddling his lap and resting between him and his steering wheel.
You clutch the collar of his dark green button-up, tugging him by his neck into your kiss. It’s messy and desperate, but you've wanted to taste him since dinner. His greedy hands are wrinkling your dress. The cold air tickles your warm thighs, and you whimper into his mouth.
Joel’s kisses are rough but fluent; he speaks the language of your lips. You take a moment to admire how different the two of you are and how it feels like he’s the key to your lock.
His warm palms slip up the front of your thighs as he kisses you, hasty and happy. He takes the hem of your dress with him. Joel is as warm as a furnace. He’s heating you from the inside out as your core begins to ache for him.
He pauses the kiss, large palm coming up to cup your cheek as his thumb traces along your lower lip. You take the time to catch your breath, feeling his own fog against the window next to you.
“Not exactly the most romantic spot.” His eyes shift with lust-filled guilt. “M’sorry.”
You work up a smile, leaning in to gently kiss his cheek and up his cheekbone.
“It’s okay. We’re not romantic.” Your clarification feels like a lie. He doesn’t need to know that.
The rain outside becomes blurred, and Joel’s looking through you again. Right through you. Your chest pounds under his watchful eyes. He sucks in the side of his cheeks, looks you up and down your face.
Don’t lie to me.
Don’t make me tell you the truth.
He decides to let you move on unscathed, your thighs clamping around his own with your knees at either side of his hips. His worry lines are stamped into his forehead as he looks over you cautiously.
You break into a smile, unable to stand him looking at you like you’re a lost puppy. “Joel,” you whisper into his ear, soft lips giving his ear a kiss as your nose lightly brushes against his soft curls. Your voice drops to a whisper, sweet and divine. “Don’t make me beg, Mr. Miller.”
Your lips suckle his earlobe and cast your tongue along the curve while his fingertips immediately dig deeper into the flesh of your hips. The sensation makes his cock twitch in his jeans.
You smirk as you grind your hips into his lap, a suppressed grunt leaving his parted lips. He’s into it. “You like this, Mr. Miller?” Your words are murmured against the shell of his ear, teeth gently catching his earlobe and lightly tugging.
Your words along with the rhythm of your hips over his lap have him in a tailspin.
“Knock it off.” He warns, teeth gritted, a low growl emitting from his throat while he grips you at the waist to pause any movement. He looks so sexy snarling at you like this. Your hand reaches between you two, palming against his cock until you feel it swell into the heart of your hand.
Joel is lazily planting kisses on the soft skin of your neck, he’s distracted by how good your hand feels.
You take turns half undressing one another. Joel pushes your dress up to your waist and loops his index finger into the band of your panties. He guides them down with your assistance. You kick the material off your ankles and move to pop open each button of his long sleeve. He goes to shrug it off, but you smile and tighten your hold on the collar.
“I like it on. Just wanna see your chest hair.”
His mouth tilts into a crooked smirk.
“‘lright, then. Good to know.” He leans back in and places messy kisses on your exposed neck. You can feel how badly he wants to sink his teeth in, but you share the mutual rule of keeping those things below the collar. Out of sight, out of other people’s nosy minds.
You struggle to admit that jimmying open his belt at this angle was pissing you off. You’re holding your breath until it clicks open, and you let out a sigh of relief. So does Joel.
A gasp leaves your lips as Joel lifts the both of you up purely with the strength of his hips, a low grunt leaving his pouted lips as he pushes his jeans down to his knees, along with his boxers. You sit back down over him and feel his heavy shaft pressing against your slick center. His girth makes you whimper.
The rhythm of the rain eases your racing heart. You take Joel’s pulsing member into your slightly shaky hand.
“Nervous?” It’s not cocky or concerned, just curious.
“M’not nervous.” You mutter, starting to pump his cock to get him to shut up. And it works. For a minute.
His head falls back into the seat as he watches you in admiration, his own hand wandering between your spread legs and gliding two fingers through your slick. His forefinger grazes against your clit, and he has you whimpering again.
“S’okay to be nervous.” His thumb slowly starts delicate circles into your bundle of nerves, and now he’s got your legs quivering.
You’re chewing at the inside of your cheek, shifty eyes meeting his. You pace your words this time. “I’m not nervous, Joel.” You pull away from him to create a line of spit from your mouth, landing on his pink tip already drizzling in precum. You swallow your nerve and bring yourself to meet his eyes. “Not with you.”
The mutual understanding links the two of you together, bound to the agreement in silence. You have a burning desire for one another. You’re scared, and he knows it. You push him to the limits, his heart beats for you.
Steam fogs the windows of Joel’s truck. The rain dances a fine line between pounding and pouring to slow and subtle.
Joel’s kisses lull you into a peaceful existence. You take off your dress, unable to stand anything between you and Joel. He’s warm as he wraps his arms around you, your tits flush against his thick chest.
You line him up by his base, Joel’s trying to hold himself still under you. You’re focusing hard, and he kisses your temple to ease your thoughts. He murmurs something, but you’re too busy concentrating.
His pink tip meets your warm flesh, and his tip slowly parts your walls. He’s seething between his teeth, how tight you are washes pleasure over his face. He wants you to go slow. You don’t want him to go easy on you. You can’t help but let his name tumble from your lips in desperation.
“Joel,” you whine, one hand clenching the fabric of his button-up by his shoulder while the other still weakly holds his base.
“M’here, baby.”
He’s rubbing soothing circles in your hips with his forefingers, trying to distract you from the stretch he’s creating inside you.
His breaths are coming out in hot puffs. The truck isn’t cold anymore, in fact, it’s only steaming up.
“So- fuckin’- tight.” He murmurs, eyebrows knitted together as his jaw was dropped open.
It was sharp at first, but the further you sank over him, the more you couldn’t contain yourself. As soon as his balls were flushed against your core, you were kissing him. Hot and heavy, desperate and needy, can’t get enough of each other sort of kisses. One of his hands holds the back of your head to keep you close while your fingers are delicately feeling up his chest and mazing through salt and pepper hair.
You smirk lazily against his lips, pulling away to rest your head on his shoulder. With this leverage, you start to roll your hips down onto his. Joel’s hands assist, squeezing your ass and guiding you smoothly up and down his shaft. You’re both moaning one another’s names, hazy eyes watching each other as long as they can before eventually drifting closed.
You wished you weren’t fucking in his truck, your riding skills were a lot better than this, but if you try and pop up, your head will just smack into the roof. And he’ll make fun of you for as long as he knows you.
“God- feel so good, Joel.”
You’re panting already a few minutes in. You don’t want Joel to think you can’t do this, you don’t want his help. But your body is crammed in limited quarters, and you’re already sweating.
He feels good. You wonder how long it’s been since he’s had sex. He’s not exactly the most outgoing of gentlemen. Thinking about him being with other women, maybe even women his age stirs a weird pit inside your stomach.
One hand steadies itself on Joel’s forearm while the other gently clutches his cheek. You leave a messy moan against his ear.
“Do you like fucking girls half your age, Mr. Miller?” You ask with a teasing smirk, messy kisses against his stubble and his ear ensuing.
He’s grunting every time you throw yourself back into him, skin clapping against his thighs, his hands slipping from your hips to your ass and squeezing the juicy flesh. “-like fuckin’ you.”
A low, extended groan leaves his lips as he holds your hips down, filling you full and having you sit with it. You throw your head back, and your eyes shudder closed with a loud moan occupying the truck.
You tell yourself that you’re both just fuck happy. You can worry about the depth of Joel’s words later. He feels too good inside of you for the first time to give a shit.
Joel’s thrusts bring you back to life, hand landing against his window and leaving a print mark against the steamy glass.
Joel senses your languid movements. He thinks you look pretty being fucked in his trunk during a thunderstorm. The darkness wraps the both of you up, only seeing flashes of each other’s features. He combs his large hand into your hair, catching your striking features with his hooded eyes. The slope of your nose. The curvature of your collarbones. Your pretty lips that he can’t stop staring at.
Joel enjoys the control too much for you to be on top for a second longer.
You collapse onto the truck’s long leather seat, lips parting in surprise as he maneuvers you to lie back without slipping from your entrance.
“H-Holy fuck, Joel-” You’re breathless.
Joel’s jaw clicks tighter as he flattens one of his large palms beside your head for leverage, hovering over you as he begins to methodically snap his hips into yours. Your desperate cries for more fill the truck.
Both of you are horridly cursing, some in the form of whines and moans and others in the form of whispered grunts.
Fuckin Christ-
Holy shit, Joel, please-
Feel so god damn good, princess-
Oh f- fuck me Joel, fuck me!
You’re already feeling the knots in your stomach tether tighter and tighter together, back arching as your chest brushes against his nose.
Joel takes the opportunity and licks a hot stripe between your breasts. You know he tastes your glistening sweat, but the trail from his tongue makes you clench tighter around him.
You catch Joel’s unfiltered groan in your mouth, his forehead resting against yours as his amber eyes grace yours.
He’s close, you can see it in the way his features contort and his thrusts become more unpredictable. You had no idea he could fuck this good.
Joel brings a hand up to your lips and offers you two fingers. You whimper but reluctantly take them past your mouth. You suckle and lather your tongue up and down each digit, it makes his cock twitch inside of you.
He plucks his fingers free with a pop, a trail of spit extending from your bottom lip to your chin as he reaches between you both.
Finding your swollen bundle of nerves doesn’t take him more than a second. You were so turned on it was almost painful.
Joel’s tip sweetly kisses your cervix at this angle, and you are so close to spilling over. Your hands cup his face, pulling him into you as you share a messy kiss. You think about how scared you were to kiss him before, but now it makes you feel a sense of protection and safety. You wrap your arms around his neck, you need him close.
“Joel,” you whimper, clenching your eyes closed and dropping your jaw as he finds the perfect rhythm circling your clit.
“Can’t hear ya, baby,” He grunts into your ear. You can feel him tiredly smirking against your cheek, knowing he’s fucking you so good you’re struggling to find the words.
“Fuck,” you mutter, your legs clenching tighter at the sides of his hips. “M’on birth control, finish inside me,” you whisper against his ear.
You can hear him let out a short, breathy chuckle against your ear. It only drives him more, knowing he can fill you up.
“Y’sure, sweetheart?”
“Want to?”
His teeth are gritted as he growls into your ear. “Course I wanna fill your sweet cunt up.”
It was hopeless after that.
A crack of thunder and a strike of lightning conspire, your view of Joel illuminating his gorgeous face in a white-silver flash.
The tight coils inside you snap free, a broken moan of his name being the last thing you remember saying before white stars filled your vision. Your hold on Joel loosens as your orgasm crashes through you ungracefully, making you twitch and rut your hips below him.
His fingers and his thrusts don’t stop. He rides out your orgasm, following suit until he flushes his hips against yours and lets out a heavenly groan of your name. You’re still under him, vision blurry and hearing fuzzy. He finds solace in the crook of your neck, nuzzling a home for himself in the space and losing himself deep inside you.
His body shudders lightly as he finishes, spilling white streams into you for who knows how long. Your hand is gently stroking the hair at the back of his head, fingers combing through dark curls as he breathes hot air against your neck.
You both slowly blink back to life. He’s complimenting you, but you’re too blissed out to hear the details.
So good, baby… Such a pretty fuckin’ girl... So lucky.
Joel tuts softly as he attempts to free his softened length, but you whine and tighten your legs around his hips to keep him stationary.
Your eyelashes flutter as you feel gentle kisses by the corners of your eyes, tiredly smiling as you open them before slowly sitting up onto your elbows. Joel takes the opportunity to pull out and yank his boxers and jeans back into place, securing his belt last.
He still keeps his shirt unbuttoned for you, partially because you have a hold on a random corner to keep it so.
With the absence of your pants hotboxing the truck, you slip back into your dress with a light shudder. You reach past Joel’s leg to retrieve your panties and pull them up your stems to keep his spillage to a minimum.
“Good?” He asks, a smile slowly growing on your lips. He looked so fucked out. You both probably did. You attempt to fix Joel’s hair, and he takes his thumb to swipe away the saliva trail on your chin.
“Good.” You agree. Quiet and sapped, but good.
You force Joel to play a few games of tic-tac-toe on the foggy glass before the storms lighten up, and you can actually see more than a few feet in front of the road.
You’re picking at the skin around your nails the entire drive home. So many questions compile in your worn-out brain.
What if your parents noticed you were gone? What if they were awake, waiting for you by the kitchen window, and they see you slip out of Joel’s truck? Try explaining yourself after that one.
As Joel pulls into his driveway, you observe the lake house is still dark and silent. Empty but also not. Joel’s warm palm is on your leg. It draws your attention away from the window, focusing just on him.
“Joel?”
“Hm?”
You shift your jaw before you lay your head back against the headrest, gentle pitter patters of the last rain cloud splashing on the window.
“What do you do when you’re not working? Like on that Saturday when I talked to you at your truck.”
He musters up a half-mouth smirk. “Didn’t do much talkin’ that I recall.”
You roll your eyes and slam a closed fist against his shoulder. It barely rocks his arm, let alone his body. “M’serious.”
He lets out a long sigh and looks out the windshield. “I do stuff around town or- for the town.”
He’s so hard to push details out of. He’s like a jammed stapler.
“Go on. So, like, volunteering?”
Joel rolls his eyes and shrugs. “S’not really like that.”
“That’s what it sounds like.”
He doesn’t say anything, just sort of starts smiling. “Just like keeping myself busy. But now I have you on my plate.” He teased. Your chest felt warm, knowing he kept a place for you in his hectic life.
“What sort of stuff are you working on right now?”
He takes a long, deep breath through his nose. You can hear it whistle before he lets it all out of his mouth, followed by clearing his throat.
“Y’know that old church past that big field on the east side of Danbury?”
You mindlessly shake your head and shrug.
“When I was a kid, I used t’go to that church-”
“For God?” You can’t help but blurt it out in shock.
He narrows his eyes on you and smirks.
“M’not exactly the Godly type.” You look over his chiseled jawline and beautiful, robust features. You’d have to disagree. He looked like one of God’s favorites.
“So.. why are you trying to fix an old church?”
Joel slowly smiles, eyes mindlessly on the dashboard of his truck before he answers. “I have a thing for the broken, used, and abandoned.”
Your head cocks to the side, and you give him a look, pressing him for an honest answer. Or maybe it was an honest answer, and you’re just looking for a better answer.
He shuffles around in his seat before he continues, hand still aimlessly circling on your thigh. “It wasn’t operable when I was a kid, just rundown, abandoned. There used to be a stained glass mural on the-uh... east-facing wall. So when the sun came up through it, the whole place just- lit up.” He pauses and shifts his focus to you.
“Now, y’know, it’s fallin’ apart. Dumb kids throwin’ rocks at it and chipping away the glass, age makin’ it all dust-covered.” Joel shrugs and falls back into his closed pit of secrecy.
“So… you’re fixing up the town.”
A pause. “More or less.”
“You know how to make a stained glass mural?”
He shakes his head and purses his lips. “No. But I can figure it out.”
You twist your lips and slowly climb over his lap once more. His eyes watch you curiously while his hands settle on your hips. You cup either side of his neck, fingertips lightly brushing up against messy curls.
“Can I see this mural you’re working on?”
He takes a long time to answer. So much dead silence fills the truck you start to feel a bit awkward about asking, like maybe it was too far.
“Please.” You ask or tell rather. You kiss his lips lightly to try and sway his pending decision. “I won’t judge, I think it’s cool.”
“Cool?” He instantly chirps, cocking an eyebrow up at you.
“I didn’t say you were cool-”
“You most certainly did.”
You’re shaking your head, and his pointer finger is prodding into your side to get under your skin. “I said that it’s cool. The stained glass stuff, that is what is cool.”
He’s already sneering at you. “Whatever you say, princess.” You can feel your cheeks singe with heat. Your hand anxiously scrabbles for the door handle, letting the rusty door creak open for your exit.
Sneakers scrape gravel after you climb out of Joel’s lap, his boots landing suit.
He smoothes a hand down your dress, your eyes watch before you face him.
“You gonna be alright?” Joel's face is laced with slight concern, his head cocking past you and looking to the house.
You shrug and shake your head. “Yeah. We’ve had this fight before, and we’ll have it again.”
He doesn’t seem satisfied with the answer. He’s teetering on his heels as a stray raindrop lands on your cheek.
“You can..” He trails off as his thumb comes up and brushes away the droplet, hand lingering before he cups your cheek. “Y’know, can always stay with us if you need a break. M’sure Sarah would love the company.” And so would he.
Your eyes soften, the gesture warm and safe. You couldn’t even imagine the trouble you’d stir up at Joel’s house. Sure, you could occupy yourself with Sarah when she returned from camping, but what would you and Joel do? Well, besides the obvious…
Your lips curl into a tight smile, not wanting him to reel in his invite out of pure bashfulness.
“Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind.” Your eyes are on his until he sighs, his shoulders reset into that of a broad lumberjack once more. His eyes looked like they were scheming. It’s fast, like a flash, and before you know it, the look is gone.
“Take care of yourself.” He leans down and plants a kiss on the crown of your head, thumb skimming up the line of your cheekbone. Suddenly, your heart is racing again.
You cup his cheeks and pull him down for a real goodbye kiss, two sets of pouted lips against one another, unwilling to let go until you have to.
---
“What are you doing after work?” You’re on a call with Joel, phone pressed between your ear and hunched shoulder.
“What are you wearing right now?” He taunts, voice crackling in and out of connection since he was currently working at a house out of town.
“Ha.” You deadpan, closing the sliding glass door behind you as you step back into the empty lake house, skin sweltering from being in the sun for the better half of the afternoon reading on the dock. “No, really, I could use your help.”
The phone volume shrills in your ear as you hear an electric saw roar to life, Joel cursing repeatedly as he walks away from all the noise.
“Jesus fuckin-.. so damn lou- Can you hear me better?”
Once the saw dulled, you put the phone back to your ear. “Yeah.”
“What do you need help with?” His voice sounds a little preoccupied like he’s trying to focus on you, but he’s got a million things running through his head.
“My window.” You say with a frown, stepping into your bedroom and cursing at the sight of it. “Won’t open. Maybe you can crack it open with some of your handy dandy tools.”
You smile as he musters up a little laugh at your hardware knowledge or lack thereof. “I don’t know about today, baby.”
“You are the property maintenance guy for our lakehouse now, right? You have a duty to help me.” You tease, stepping back outside with a fresh bottle of water and an apple. Your teeth pierce the skin, and the apple’s juices gush past your lips.
“Jesus, fine. I’ll be over. I’m almost done.”
You purse your lips to hide your smirk. God, he can’t even see you, but you don’t want him to know he’s got you flustered.
“Parents are running errands today... If that’s extra incentive for you to hurry up.”
Joel pauses on the other end. He’s probably got that stupid smirk on his face. “In that case, I’ll leave now.”
“I knew you’d see things my way. Thank youuu.” You playfully coo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
An hour later, Joel’s outside your window while you assist from the inside. His face is twisted in concentration, eyes narrowed on a misaligned hinge that he works free with a screwdriver, realigns, then screws tight into its proper place.
He looks stupid hot so focused like this. Tanned skin, hair a little dusty from work. The veins in his forearm were bulging as he uses pressure to keep the hinge in place. You had to blink a few times to keep yourself from staring. He feels it.
“Can I help you?” His voice was thick and echoing since he was speaking to you between a glass pane.
You bite back a smirk and shake your head.
He pulls off the hinge and nods, pats it a few times before looking at you and giving you a thumbs up.
You decide to let him come inside before you open the window yourself, twisting at the string of your bikini bottom as you wait. He took in your appearance as soon as he parked in the driveway.
“What?”
“...Nothin’. Like the outfit.”
“Joel, I was sunbathing. And reading. It wasn’t an intended distraction.” It was.
“Mhm.”
Joel appears at the entrance of your bedroom. You silently curse yourself for not updating it more. It still looked like a sixteen-year-old fangirl lived in it.
He appreciates the posters and magazines, checking his handiwork at the window.
“Wanna give it a go? Open it?”
You eagerly smile and step up to the window, playfully tugging on it and heaving.
“I-.. It’s still stuck.” You say with a frown. “Joel, you said you fixed it.”
“What? Shouldn’t be-” He’s already got his hands on the frame and tugs, feeling it easily slip up and open. You’re giggling as his face deadpans.
“You think you’re so funny.” He taunts, his body turning towards you as he chucks his tools haphazardly on your bed. You’re already attempting to take leaps and bounds away from Joel, but his arms are long, and so are his strides.
His rough hands capture you by your waist, dusty and calloused fingers ghosting over your warm skin.
Joel’s lips eagerly greet yours, both of you grinning into the kiss. It’s slow as you let it envelop you. Your heart races. He’s not supposed to be here, your parents could come home any time now.
You bite down on your lower lip, feeling butterflies in your stomach as he backs you up against your wall, foreheads gently pressed together. His eyes flick behind you, and your head follows his gaze.
“Boybands, huh?”
You roll your eyes and smirk, fingers moving to the button of his jeans.
“Shut up, Joel. Leave the boybands out of it.”
A car door slamming catches both of your attention. Heads whip on instinct, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Your parents are home, and Joel’s half-hard in your palm.
“Oh, shit.” You curse.
Joel’s already moving, grabbing his tools off your bed, and adjusting his jeans. “Lemme handle it.” Your heart pounds as you and Joel greet your parents at the door. They walk in with fresh shopping bags. A cheesy sign for the living room sticks out from one of them.
“Joel?” They both ask in unison, looking between the man beside you and you in your bikini. Your mother’s face lightly flushes.
“Hey, Joel! Good to see ya!” Your father sets the bags on the table and grabs a beer from the fridge. You shift on your feet and just let Joel lead.
Your dad’s oblivious, your mother is more curious
.
“What are you... What are you doing here?” She tries to ask casually with a little smile.
Joel raises his screwdriver, strategically keeping the toolbag in front of his lower half. You try not to smirk.
“Was fixin’ your daughter’s jammed window.”
Your mother's face softens before she smiles. “Y’know, that thing has been jammed for… years. Thank you.”
You give him a tight-lipped smile and nod. “Yes. Thank you, Mr. Miller.” The light glare he sends you means you’ll pay for that one later. Joel clears his throat and nods, too. He turns to you now, and you share a look.
“Just… let me know if it happens again. Might need to replace the hinge entirely. Small piece of it could be broken, might be why it keeps slippin’ out of place.”
“Yeah. For sure. Thanks.”
You walk past your mother and open the door from him, but he still stands between your parents. What the hell is he doing?
“While I have you both, I was just tellin’ your daughter ‘bout a business trip I have comin’ up.” Huh? “ It’s not for Miller Contracting. It’s more for the town. I’m gettin’ materials for the old church-”
“Oh, the one with the broken stained glass mural on the east side of town?” Your mother chirps in. “We just drove past it. Just saying how someone needs to fix it up.” Joel’s lightly nodding to your mother’s words, her face soft as she listens to him with curiosity.
“Well, I was tellin’ her about it ‘cause I could use some help getting materials from a supplier in Houston. I’d normally ask Sarah to tag along and help, but she said she’s got some graduation parties next weekend that she doesn’t wanna miss. Would it be alright if-”
“Oh, of course! Yes, please, if you need her help and she wants to go, she’s all yours.”
Your eyes are wide, trying not to seem too shocked by Joel secretly sweeping you out from under your parents without them even noticing.
Joel turns to you, eyebrow cocked. “That okay with you? Next weekend. Friday to Sunday sort’f thing.”
A whole weekend alone with Joel? Your insides are bursting, but you have to seem apathetic.
“Mhm. Sure.”
Joel sneaks you a private smile. “Really appreciate it. Ya’ll have a good rest of your evenin’.” And with that, he’s out the front door.
You couldn’t believe what just happened.
You try to act casual before you make it off to your room, but your mother’s voice pulls you to a halt.
“Ah-ah, not so fast. Back it up.”
You quietly sigh before coming back to the main part of the kitchen. She narrows her eyes on you and lightly crosses her arms. Your fight with her from yesterday is still fresh, and it makes holding prolonged eye contact difficult.
“Are you seeing a boy?”
Your eyes widen on instinct. Your dad pauses the sip of his beer and watches you carefully. You try to hold together a poker face as best as you can, but you’re worried your shock is already seeping through.
“Wha- A boy? Why would you think that?” The laugh you force out sounds too fake. And you’re a terrible liar. You feel so hot all of a sudden. You wished Joel was still here to talk you in and out of shit. It was a skill of his you’d surely have to learn.
“Well, we heard the door close really late last night after you walked Joel out. We were just wondering if... You know, there’s a special someone that you’re seeing.” Of course, she hoped you would tie yourself down to someone in Texas.
“Yeah, did a boy pick you up after dinner or somethin’?” Your father presses, eyes narrowing protectively over you. “You seein’ a boy or not, honey?”
You didn’t want to lie, but you certainly weren’t ready to tell them the truth about you and Joel.
“Uhm.” Your brain scrabbles for an answer and ultimately chooses poorly. “Sorta. I don’t know. Kind of?”
Your mother tightens her lips in a smile and nods a little. “We’ll let it go for now, but-”
“God- Mom, please.” You groan and put your face in your hands, closing your eyes and wishing this nightmare was over.
“But,” she annoyingly emphasizes, “If it gets serious, we want to meet this young man.” She says with a firm nod before turning back to your father and putting away the items in their shopping bags.
Meet him? They want to meet the boy you’re seeing? What will they do when they find out the boy is actually a full-grown man, a forty-something-year-old with a teenage daughter? And that man was not only their friend and neighbor but Joel fucking Miller. Fuck. Your luck was running out.
---
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Everything pt2
PJO Show Ares X Child!Reader (no gender specified)
Word count: 6168 (I realized a bit late that majority is me setting up the scene. If you just wanna see their talk, read after the “~~”)
Summary: You haven’t seen your father since the last time you talked, but of course with your luck he finds you again and you’re forced to make a big decision.
Warnings: Reader is going through it, poor attempt at a fight scene, the lore and timeline is probably fucked up but ignore that, OOC Ares probably and as of typing I’m realizing MAJOR SPOILER FOR THE TITANS CURSE. To avoid this, scroll until you see “I don’t have any friends that come over” or “~” if you wanna be extra careful.
You’d love to say that not seeing your father after your last talk was some sort of surprise, but it wasn’t. Thankfully (is that selfish to think?) none of the demigods had a real good relationship with their parent. Well, Percy seemed to have a solid relationship with Posideon, but it’s not like he saw him everyday. And as selfish and heartless as it sounded, that offered you a bit of relief and comfort. It’s not like your father was sensitive and loving to you and you screwed it up. Everything was pretty much back to normal.
It was a pretty somber day at camp. Percy, Grover and Thalia had managed to save Annabeth and Artemis, but it didn’t come without casualties. You weren’t necessarily friends with Bianca or Zoë but you still grieved over them. The hardest part though, was watching how sad your friends had gotten, especially Percy. You knew what Percy was like. Percy was extremely loyal but that loyalty led to carrying a lot more weight on his shoulders than what was necessary. If your suspicions were right (and you knew they were), he’d blame himself for Bianca’s death. That made zero sense to you. He told you exactly how she died and to you, it seemed like Bianca made a choice. Percy couldn’t have done anything to stop it. He didn’t see it that way and you weren’t sure why you insisted on telling him over and over again and trying to cheer him up.
“Nico?” Percy raised to his feet when he saw you approaching. You shook your head,
“No sign of him. He’s been missing for a week now Percy. If we were gonna find him, we would’ve found him by now”. Percy looked defeated. You were sure he knew the chances of finding him were slim to none, but you kept combing areas of the woods for him to keep him somewhat at peace. If he thought there was a chance, he wouldn’t be as depressed hopefully.
“I’m gonna say it again-“
“Don’t”
“Well what should I say to calm you down?”
Percy thought for a moment but just shrugged and started heading inside his cabin and you followed. Percy collapsed on his own bed and you took it upon yourself to sit on the bed next to his. You didn’t know if it was because you held resentment towards your father, or if you actually liked Cabin 3 but you really wished this was your cabin instead. “Must be nice having a cabin all to yourself. No obnoxious cabin mates, no extra noise, nobody leaving their shit on the floor”.
“I guess” was all he said back to you and you sighed. You didn’t wanna keep repeating yourself but you genuinely didn’t know what to say but not saying anything made you feel like an asshole that was ignoring the situation.
So you tried to change the subject.
“Is it like this at home too? Just you and your mom? No friends over?”.
“I don't have any friends that can come over”
“None at school?”
“None”.
That made you frown. You were older than Percy by a few years, so you had time to adjust to how lonely life could be as a half-blood and by now, you didn't return “home” either. Camp was your home now year round. You understood why Percy kept going home though. You heard about his mom and she seemed like a nice woman. You were grateful he at least had that.
But instead of saying something sweet and nice and voicing your thoughts, you made a joke instead. “That's why your little ass keeps getting into trouble. You have no one out there watching out for you”
“My mom watches out for me plenty”
“But she's not keeping schools from being blown up now is she?”. Percy rolled his eyes, but he didn't look as sad as before so you took this as a sign to keep talking “if I was watching you, you'd be alright. At least you'd have help”
“You're tryna live with me now?”
“Sure”, you said with a shrug. “A cool mom, random blue food, stopping you from exposing yourself - it all sounds grand”. You both laughed at your joke because that's what it was. A joke.
At least… it was at first.
Either Percy didn't know what a joke was, or he was pretty fond of having a big sibling when he was home because the next day he told you he sent an Iris message to his mom and she was fine with getting an air mattress for you. You almost told Percy that it was just a joke, but then you thought about how lonely he must be at home and how annoying it can be only having his mom to talk to about this demigod stuff. Plus, it hopefully wouldn't hurt to get a break from camp.
You didn't know why you decided to pray and tell Poseidon about this, but you did. The sun had set and you slipped out of your cabin and snuck into the woods. You made a mini fire and threw two candy bars the Stoll brothers managed to sneak in, which was a real shitty offering but it was all you had. You couldn't do it during the feast. You had too much to say and someone would hear.
“Terrible offering, I know. I hope you're listening anyway” you started. “I'm gonna be following Percy around when he goes home and I'm gonna try and keep him and Sally somewhat safe. I don't know how safe Percy can really be but I'll try anyway. I hope that's not a problem. I'm not tryna step on your toes or anything”.
In all honesty praying and giving offerings felt strange. You were supposed to pray to Ares everyday and give him an offering, but you stopped doing that after your last talk. The first time you threw food in a fire and didn't say his name, you thought you'd combust as a punishment. You didn't though, so you kept doing it. Occasionally you'd give offerings to other gods but it was mainly Athena. Partially because she was like Ares but not really and partially because you hoped it would upset Ares. Was it childish? Yes. But compared to someone as old as Ares, you were a child.
“That's all I really have to say. If you don't want me to go you can drown me in my sleep or maybe send a letter. Whatever works for you”. You looked around, expecting for some paper saying “absolutely not” to land somewhere around you but nothing happened, so you put out the fire and snuck back into your cabin.
~
You don't think you have a huge ego, but you definitely felt you deserved a pat on the back for how good your work was.
You were able to convince your own lousy family to hand over any legal documents to Sally and thankfully Percy's middle school had a highschool right next to it. Although the demigods weren't supposed to use phones, a minor text here and there saying “hey, I think there's monsters here” didn't hurt anyone. There were plenty of times you had to sneak out of your school and into his, and if you weren't so busy fighting for your life, you'd audition to be in some spy or assassin movie.
Thankfully though, you weren't always busy helping Percy. You figured you might as well help Sally out so you got a job at a nearby bookstore inside of a mall and honestly? You'd prefer fighting monsters over dealing with bratty customers. Seriously though, how can you be a bitch at a bookstore?
“I've already told you ma'am” you said in a monotone voice, “we can't give you a refund if you do not have a receipt”.
The black hair woman scoffed and looked at you as if you caused the problem she was having. “A receipt? Do I seem like the type of woman who keeps a receipt?! When I bought Twilight, I expected better and I hate it and now I want a refund and as the customer, I am always right!”.
The entire conversation made you wanna explode in front of her and change the trajectory of her life, but unfortunately it didn't happen. What was with mortals and not understanding basic store rules?
“I would love it if you were right but you're not. No receipt. No refund”. She scoffed again and you wanted to grab her by the throat and stop the noise from ever leaving her mouth again.
“Well what do you expect me to do?!”
“Pick up a different book then get out maybe?”.
You couldn't put a finger on the noise that came out of her next. It was some deep throaty sound with a mix of anger and disgust. “Do you know who I am? I'm Holly Holiday-” you accidentally cracked a smile at her stupid name and that just fueled her rage. She pointed a finger at your name tag and said your name, followed by “you are so done for! I'll have you eaten alive for this!”.
She turned on her heels and left in a huff. Fucking finally.
You looked over at your coworker Harper and pretended your fingers were a gun and shot yourself, getting a laugh out of her. Harper and her twin Hazel shared a few classes with you and by some coincidence they also worked in the mall. Harper was with you while Hazel worked at the costume store downstairs. You couldn't tell them apart and you weren't sure if you'd ever pass the “we talk sometimes” stage but it didn't matter right now.
“I know it's closing time but are you ok if I take a bathroom break really quick? I can help out when I get back”
She waved dismissively, “take your time man. Hazel'll be coming up here too”. You nodded with a small thank you and stepped into the mostly vacant mall. The mall was usually lively but with it being so late at night, the only people around were other people like that annoying customer and workers who had the misfortune of still working this late.
It was eerily quiet. Sure, you thought you were used to how silent it was at this time of night, but you still got the creeps and did not take your time alone in the bathroom.
Maybe you should have though, because once you left the bathroom that same annoying lady was waiting outside, which she definitely should not have been doing.
“I told you I did not like that book”.
Seriously? She was still complaining? She was still here after the store had pretty much closed?
You said something that would've gotten you fired if your boss was around, “yeah? Tough shit lady. No receipt, no refund, it's as simple as that. Don't buy books you haven't read. Now get out the mall and go take care of your kids”.
She snarled. A genuine snarl that made you start to sneakily slip off the bracelet you were wearing. You didn't know if gods could give other kids gifts, and either it had been allowed this whole time or Poseidon didn't care since shortly after your “chat” after hours you received a dagger that could transform into a bracelet. You thought maybe Ares had sent it, but his gifts didn't smell of the ocean and a fresh breeze.
Regardless of who gave it to you, that snarl didn't sound good.
“I don't think you're very good at your job”
“I guess I'm not. Now do us both a favor and just leave”.
She didn't leave. Instead she smirked and that was all the confirmation you needed to know something was wrong. The bracelet slipped off your wrist and while the monster was transforming, you gripped your weapon and brought it up through the bottom of her mouth. You pulled it out, but not through the entry wound. You pulled it towards you, letting it split her face in half.
Just in case, you stabbed her in the heart, twisted the knife then pulled it out of her through the side of her chest. You didn’t have to wait for her to crumble. It was game over. A surprisingly easy win.
You grabbed some nearby napkins so you could wipe your dagger clean then returned it back to your wrist.
“What happened?” Harper asked once you stepped back inside, which was really odd for multiple reasons.
Firstly, you looked like you usually did. Nothing about you was particularly out of place. At least you didn't think so.
Secondly, she didn't sound curious. She didn't sound concerned. She sounded frustrated, like you did something wrong.
“Nothing” you lied. “It's nothing. Let's just clean up, yeah?”.
“I'm sure it's not nothing Child of Ares”.
Your brows knitted together and you hoped you just heard wrong. You turned to look at Harper and that's when it started to click.
Harper. Hazel. Holly.
Harpies.
They were too lazy to pick a different initial for the first name and you fell for it like an idiot. Plus the “I’ll have you eaten alive” comment. But in all fairness, who actually takes those comments seriously? If you took every threatening comment seriously, you'd be sent to an asylum.
Harper's short red hair looked like flames now. Her green eyes looked hungry for your flesh and her sharp teeth glistened in the light as feathers grew from her arms. Realistically, you should've been scared. There were two alive harpies in the building, but something about a monster with a gray shirt with mini white books decorated on it really made you wanna laugh. She must've sensed this since she sneered,
“You think I'm funny?”
“Do you want an honest answer?”
“You won't think I'm so funny soon you spoiled demigod!”. You wanted to make a joke about how calling children with severe abandonment issues “spoiled” was silly, but you decided this wasn't the time. Instead you took the bracelet off.
Harper laughed in your face. “You think that will stop me?”
“Handled your friend pretty well. How about you stop trash talking and come over here so we can see if you're any different”. You don't know which comment got her so angry but she leapt at you.
You sidestepped her and planned on delivering a quick stab to the neck, but she must've seen it coming. She grabbed something and quickly turned to bat you in the face with it, making you stumble back. It took you a quick second to realize she hit you with a book. A Goosebumps book no less.
“You are incredibly childish” you mumbled and you wished you could laugh it off. Maybe you were childish too because you picked up the book and launched it at her face, feeling a tad bit disappointed when she dodged it.
You swung at her but she caught your wrist and squeezed hard enough to make you drop your dagger. You were quick on your feet though and you brought your available elbow down on her inner elbow (you were sure it had a scientific name but honestly who cares?). You heard a crunch and Harper screeched. Her grip loosened enough for you to snatch away while kicking her, her flying and hitting the railing.
You grabbed the dagger and threw it. You meant for it to hit somewhere fatal but she moved and instead it hit her directly in the eye, which made her screech even louder.
You snatched your necklace off and the object quickly took the shape of a double sided sword. It was a gift from your father and although he was probably pissed at you, you figured he probably wasn't watching and wouldn't care.
You charged at her and swung the sword. Although she was screaming in pain and was no doubt in agony, she slid under the blade. As she turned to face you, her hands moved and a sharp gust of wind knocked you off the third floor.
To make matters worse, Hazel decided to make an appearance. She was right below you, cackling, arms outstretched and you knew if you landed in those arms she'd devour you.
You did the only thing you could think of with such short timing. You angled the sword vertically and aimed directly for her mouth. She seemed to understand but it was too late. You came crashing down, your sword along with you and it slid directly in her mouth and down her throat. Because of the sword having a solid middle so you could hold onto something, it didn't go all the way through and you stumbled a bit, but you were better off than her. She stopped all movement and to make sure the job was done, you ripped the sword through her, cutting her in half.
“MY SISTER!”, Harper screeched and you looked up at her with your messy sword in hand.
“You want more from the Child of Ares?!” You claimed you hated trash talk and you especially hated being called his child but the adrenaline was really getting to you. “I have plenty to give!”.
She flew up higher and started to come down fast towards you. You readied your sword, prepared to end this but suddenly she stopped and started trembling.
“L-L-Lord Ares. I-”
Before you could ask any questions and she could finish her sentence, you were being launched into the air. The scream you let out was embarrassing but it didn't matter in the end. You both collided and hit the wall and instead of being knocked out or injured like you thought you'd be, you were completely fine. Your sword went straight through her chest and pinned her to the wall behind her and you were hanging above the ground, grasping onto the hilt of your sword and hoping your hands wouldn’t start sweating.
“L-L-Lord Ares. I-”
No. No way. It couldn’t be. But who else could’ve launched you in the air like that?
You looked down and there he was. You don’t know why, but you expected him to look somewhat different. Maybe a new haircut or a new jacket. Maybe he’d try contacts, but no. He looked exactly the same. You didn’t know if you were comforted or unnerved by it.
You wished you had something cool to say but all you said was “what are you doing here?”.
“Saving your life”. Yeah right. You had everything 100% under control. He chuckled and you started to wonder if he could read your mind. When you screamed internally though, he didn’t flinch so that theory went out the window. Maybe you looked annoyed and didn’t know it.
“Are you gonna catch me?” You asked.
“What for?”
“Because you threw me all the way to the fifth floor and it’d be nice not to break something”
“You need me to warm up milk up for you too?”.
Fuck it. You’d risk the broken leg.
You tightened your hands around the hilt and planted your feet on the wall then pushed off with all your might. Fortunately, you got the sword out the wall. Unfortunately, you were now falling from five floors up.
You braced for impact, but instead of falling and hitting the floor, you fell into someone’s arms. You looked up, thinking that maybe someone was with your father that you didn’t see before, but no. It was him. He caught you. Something you weren’t expecting but you weren’t against.
You mumbled a thanks and stood on your feet. The year was 2006 when you last talked. It was early in 2008 and while that wasn’t that big of a gap, the talk you had last time made things more awkward.
“I thought you’re not allowed to interfere”
He raised a brow at you as if saying “you care about rules now when you’ve been breaking them?”. Were you breaking them though? Sure you were encouraged to give offerings to your parent but you hadn’t been punished… yet. If it was so bad you wouldn’t be walking right now. And you doubted he paid enough attention to notice. He was probably relieved to have one less kid bothering him.
Gods, you were a downer.
“Are you gonna tell on me?” He asked.
“If you hadn’t caught me”
“And now?”
“My lips are sealed”. You didn’t see his expression. You were too busy looking down at your shoes. A habit you hated you developed. It made you feel small. But you guessed demigods were supposed to be small in comparison to their parent. That’s why you showed them respect but they hardly returned the favor.
A moment of silence passed before he spoke up again.
“You have money on you?”.
Was he gonna rob you now? “Uh, yeah”.
“You’re paying for dinner. Let’s go”
He started walking away before you could even respond, and like a reflex you grabbed his arm to slow him down. “I can’t”.
“Can’t?” He said so calmly it kinda scared you.
“Yeah. I can’t. My uh…” you decided not to tell him the entire truth about staying with Percy and Sally. “My ride… mom. She’s coming to get me. You don’t want mom knowing you’re in town, right?”.
He looked you up and down and you tried your best to not seem nervous. You weren’t sure he believed you but he let it go for the night.
You wished it stayed that way. That he’d just go back wherever he came from but instead he told you the name of a diner nearby and said to be there by noon tomorrow and that you were paying.
“Great. Thanks dad” you thought. “I always love our talks”.
~~
The good thing about his random plan to go to a diner at noon was that you were allowed to clean yourself and sleep beforehand. The bad thing was that now you were sitting across from him and it was incredibly awkward.
Ares kept laughing at his phone and you debated on asking him what was so funny but he said “started a Twitter war about vaccination. It’s getting good”. You screamed in your head again, but once again he didn’t flinch. Maybe he just had a good poker face.
“I’m happy for you?”. He glanced up at you and instead of going back to his phone, he set it face down on the table. You didn’t know if he seemed to glow because of the little war he started, or if a source of light was hitting him nicely. Maybe it was a god thing.
“You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you here”
Was this an HR meeting? “I’m wondering why I’m paying”
“Ask me”
“You know I wanna know though so why am I asking?”
He didn’t respond. He just looked at you and you could hear his foot tapping on the floor.
You rubbed your brow, already feeling a migraine coming on. You took a deep breath and let out a sarcastic response (which was not a good idea but your mouth worked faster than your brain).
“Ares, the amazing God of War. The Protector of Mistreated Women. Wearer of biker jackets. I come before you as your humble child, begging thee to tell me what required my summons and why you were at the mall last night. Please please please tell me. I’ll fall over and die if you don’t”.
Sarcastic or not, he accepted it. He motioned towards the platter of burgers and fries, “this is your thank you. This is your offering to me since you haven’t been doing that”.
Well fuck. You didn’t think he’d notice.
You leaned back in your seat and your fingers strummed against your knees and you had to remind yourself that running out probably wouldn’t end well.
“You noticed?”
“I did” he said simply. It reminded you of how emotionless he was the last time you talked. It reminded you of how frustrated you were that he talked as if nothing was wrong and as if your pain didn’t affect him.
“You demigods think you’re so smart. You have these big egos and think you’re ahead of us. You gave your offerings to Athena and Poseidon of all people ” he spat their names like it left a bitter taste in his mouth to mention them.
“And then you stay with that fish boy and his mom. Yeah. I saw that too. And I save your life and you don’t seem the least bit grateful”.
Grateful.
Something about that word you hated.
Grateful? What was there to be grateful for? “Yeah dad, I’m super grateful my life consists of monsters trying to eat me and a dad I only see once in a blue moon. Totally grateful”.
“We can’t interfere”
“Didn’t stop you last night”
He tsked, “I don’t get you. You complain about my absence then you complain when I’m here when I could be doing anything else!”. His voice rose but the people in the diner were either used to this or didn’t care enough to say anything.
The nervousness and the fear rolled off you the more he spoke. Gratefulness? Doing anything else? You weren’t stopping him.
“Then go do those things. I’m not holding your hand and making you stay”. Your brain told you to shut up and apologize, but your mouth wasn’t having it. “And this isn’t about us and you know it. This is about you. This is about your ego being hurt. You don’t care about my safety. You didn’t go to the mall to protect me. You just love a fight and you were probably disappointed you couldn’t do more”
“That’s what you think?” His eyes burned with something you couldn’t quite place. Anger obviously, but it seemed like something else was there. Or maybe there was literal fire in his eyes. Either way, it was clear he was upset and if you didn’t shut up soon, he’d probably turn you into a random animal.
But who didn’t love animals?
“That’s what I know. And I didn’t need your help. I was just fine. The only thing you would’ve missed if I somehow died was your little offerings. I don’t matter to you. Just admit it so we can move on”. Ares opened his mouth to say something, but you spoke again “and for your information Percy and Sally are very nice people. They feel more like family than you do”.
That shut up whatever he planned on saying. The last time you two talked you swore you saw an emotion cross his face. This time you were definitely sure you saw something cross his face before it went back to its default expression.
Was that regret?
No. That was stupid and you’ve had plenty of stupid thoughts.
It went silent. Weirdly, eerily silent.
The diner wasn’t silent obviously but you two were.
You both were just staring at each other like statues. You wished you could read his mind. You hoped you would see thoughts of regret and sorrow and maybe hopefulness about your relationship going forward. You wished he had the same thoughts you had. Another stupid thought. Being hopeful didn’t work with him.
For whatever reason, your mind wandered off to the late night talks you’d have with Sally and for whatever other reason, you started to speak.
“Have you heard the song American Pie? Yes, it’s somewhat important to what I have to say. Yes or no only please”
He looked bored and unamused but he answered anyway. “I don’t know. Maybe? Who cares?”.
“There’s a line in the song that says this’ll be the day that I die. And for whatever reason it made me think about what I’d do if I were dying. If I woke up one day and I knew I was gonna die that day, what would I do? You wanna know what I realized?”
He raised his brows for a second and leaned back in his chair. There was a possibility he was still bored but he seemed somewhat interested. “Shoot”.
You smiled bitterly. Here he was so calm and fine and here you were, speaking slow and hoping your voice didn’t waver or crack. “I realized-” you failed. Your voice wobbled a bit and you cleared your throat a little too loud. “I realized I’d spend every second trying to make you love me”.
You didn’t bother trying to read any expression he had next. You knew you’d always get it wrong and you’d imagine what you wanted to see. “And I uh… I don’t wanna be that way anymore”. You blinked rapidly, trying to prevent any tears from falling out. You didn’t have the rain to cover your face and blend in like you did last time. “And selfishly I hope that scares you”.
“Gods don’t feel fear”
“Well whatever you wanna call it I hope you feel it. I hope -and I’m gonna keep calling it fear- I hope you feel afraid for what that means for us”
“Allow me to humor you for a bit” you felt as though the comment was supposed to be sarcastic but it didn’t sound sarcastic or aggressive. It was weirdly soft. “Why would you not wanting to spend your last day with me scare me?”
“Because that means I won’t admire you anymore” you answered. “You don’t get it. You don’t get how much you mean to me. You don’t get how much I used to idolize you. Before I was claimed, I was already intrigued by you. Once I was claimed I read every single story that had to do with you. I was honored to be your child and tried to show you how honored I was everyday. I didn’t do all this for me. The training, bettering my Greek, learning everything I could about mythology. I didn’t do that for me. I did that so I would never shame your name and make you look like you raised incompetent idiots. The way I would defend your name and what you represent, you’d think I was being paid”
“Me not admiring you anymore means I won’t care about defending you. It means I won’t care anymore about our family relationship. And I hope the idea of me calling you Ares instead of dad terrifies you. That emptiness or indifference I’ll feel when I hear your name… I know it hasn’t happened yet but thinking about it terrifies me too. Maybe I’m just selfish and don’t wanna be alone”. You used your sleeve to wipe at your wet face, a mix of embarrassment and relief for finally getting this out of you. “I could be right. I doubt it. I’m probably just making all that up but either way I need you to stop doing this. Seeing you at all, it gives me hope. I don’t want an enemy for life. I’m not Percy. But this is just gonna make this harder and if you hate me I am begging you to have mercy and leave me be. No visiting. I won’t come to see you when we do that little field trip either. I’ll stay at camp or I’ll go bother another god. Hermes is really nice. And if I break my end of the deal you can do whatever you want to me. Turn me into an ant, rearrange my fingers, throw me down a flight of stairs at full force, whatever”.
There you went again making up shit. Swearing you saw something worse than sadness on his face; grief. That was impossible. Your eyes were just playing tricks on you like they always did.
You didn’t know what you wanted him to say, but you didn’t expect “you think, but you don’t know anything”.
“Then tell me what I don’t know”. He didn’t say anything. He went silent and you were getting real tired of his silences. You sighed, “Sally’s been waiting outside so…”
“Yeah…”. He let out a breath. Annoyance. Had to be. “You want this?” He asked.
You were honest. “No” you said instantly. “No I don’t but this just seems like the best thing to do”. He didn’t argue with you.
Your hand went to reach inside your pocket for money but then he spoke again “keep it”.
“It’s no problem-”.
“Just keep it”.
You nodded.
You stayed sitting down. Why was it so hard to stand? Why did your legs feel so wobbly and your throat so dry? Why did your chest feel like a huge weight was crushing it? Weren’t you supposed to feel the opposite? Free and lively? Feel like you could float?
Another stupid thing escaped your lips. “Can you do me a favor?”.
“Another one?” He asked lifelessly- no. He was not lifeless. He was happy. You were sure of it. You’d leave and he’d cheer because he wouldn’t have to deal with another kid anymore. You knew it.
“It’s not a favor if you don’t wanna see me either”. Another bit of silence but you weren’t surprised. “Can we do that thing mortals do? You know, when they hug and say they love each other before they go their own way? Or maybe just the ‘I love you’ part”. He looked at you for a bit and you were about to apologize for making it weird and leave but Ares stood up.
You stood up.
It’s strange how something you’ve never done before can feel so right. Like it was always meant to happen or always supposed to be this way. You weren’t necessarily cold and Ares wasn’t a heater, but the second he wrapped his arms around you and you did the same for him, you felt much warmer. Not a burden type of warmth. The kind of warmth that brings you relief on a freezing cold day. That crushing feeling stayed the same though.
“I love you dad” you said and it fell out so naturally, you’d forgive anyone for thinking this was a normal occurrence. That the fight you had was just a small disagreement but otherwise you two had an amazing relationship.
You didn’t know how the words “I love you too” would sound coming out of his mouth, but it sounded better than you hoped for. It once again sounded natural and genuine even if you knew it wasn’t.
You thought it wasn’t.
No. You knew it wasn’t. This was no time for brain tricks and delusions.
Pulling apart was probably the hardest thing you had to do and your job was keeping Percy Jackson safe. That sudden coldness fell over you again and the crushing got worse.
It didn’t get any better when you left. You didn’t have the guts to look at him one last time, afraid you’d call off your deal right then and there if you made eye contact with him.
Luckily Sally was an intelligent person. She was smart enough not to ask how it went. Even if she did, it’s not like you could answer with the huge lump in your throat.
“Do you want ice cream dear?”.
You shrugged. There was that word again. Want. You didn’t know what you wanted anymore. You thought you did but it all felt wrong. There was no weight lifted off your shoulders and you didn’t feel light on your feet. You felt cold and hollow. The weight got worse and pushed down on you with so much force, you didn’t know it was even possible.
Then your eyes landed on his bike and it all came out. Your head fell into your hands and you let out sobs that were lodged deep in your chest. Your ears were ringing and you were sure you looked and sounded like the most pathetic person alive but you couldn’t care anymore. Sally, once again being an intelligent woman, took that as a sign it was time to go and pulled off. You assumed Sally would’ve dropped Percy off after you went inside. You assumed he wouldn’t wanna wait out here for you while you talked to one of the people that hated him the most. His hand patted your shoulder, notifying you that he was in the car still. Usually you’d make a joke and tell them that you were fine, but nothing came out but borderline hysterical sobs.
You grew jealous of Percy. He didn’t see Poseidon much but at least he knew deep down that Poseidon cared for him. Sometimes you’d get that feeling but you thought it was all a delusion. Fuck. Why did you keep doing that? You knew it was all a delusion.
That choice had to be the right one. It needed to be the right one.
That didn’t stop this wave of agony from drowning you, and you’d fight a thousand harpies if it meant this feeling would go away.
Omg y’all I did it😭. I mixed two ideas someone suggested with my own ideas and here we are. I hope y’all like it even though a huge portion is me yapping but to be fair I didn’t realize until after I was done and summarizing all of that didn’t seem like it’d sound right, yk? There was definitely a way I could’ve done it but I’m stupid soooo… yeah. Anyway, OOC Ares but this is my angsty fantasy so I’m making him care about his kids. In my head the whole “I hate my own kids” is him trying to convince himself he doesn’t care for them so it’s easier to stay apart from them. Idk, maybe I’ll make a part 3 from his perspective and answer why he said he was saving their life. I make no promises tho.
And I know I said it’s show Ares so skipping ahead doesn’t make sense but we know what’s gonna happen
Taglist: @kyuupidwrites @chadmeeksmartinswifey @lebguardians @beansficreblogs (one asked to be tagged, one asked for more dad fics, then one commented plus reblogged and one reblogged, so although majority did not ask, imma just assume y’all would wanna see a part 2😀. We’re getting the band back together like this is Phineas and Ferb)
#percy jackson#percy series#percy jackson ares#pjo tv show#ares pjo#percy jackson angst#pjo angst#ares x reader#ares x child#ares angst#idk what else to tag#HEY YOU GUUUYYYSS#I yell like we’re on Electric Company
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𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞
- 𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧
pairing: rafe cameron x fem!exgf!reader, topper thornton x fem!gf!reader (only mentioned)
genre: smut & minor angst -> 18+only
warnings: smutty stuff, mentions of past toxic relationship, some soft!rafe, some mean!rafe, name calling, mentions of drugs, choking (in a non sexual way), ass slapping, cheating, unprotected sex, lmk if k forgot something
words: ~3.3k
request: okay!! i wanted to request a rafe x reader based off the song ‘why are you here’ by machine gun kelly. write it however you want🖤 (by anonymous)
summary: after seeing your ex rafe in the club, you have to learn once again why the two of you never could’ve worked out, no matter how much you both wished you could
note: this is a repost from my old blog, which is why you might have seen it before. also i don’t remember if it’s proofread
also big thank you to my baby @chaos-mybeloved for beta reading this one for me
also i’m sorry for the format idk how to format my stuff
I hate that I saw you again last night
You were with somebody and so was I
Met you in the bathroom at 12:05
And I fucked you again
We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah
“Baby, I’m gonna get another drink, you want one?” Topper screamed into your ear, trying to drown out the noise.
You shook your head with a smile and focused back on the music. They were playing your favorite song, there was no way you’d stop dancing just for another drink. The dance floor was full and still, most eyes were fixated on you, as you moved your body perfectly to the rhythm of the song. You were no professional dancer but you sure as hell knew what you were doing.
Concentrated on the music, you didn’t notice the new pair of eyes watching you from the corner of the dance floor. The young man was talking to the girl next to him but his gaze never moved from your body. The blonde must’ve noticed as her voice grew angry but the man didn’t seem to care. He wasn’t even listening to the words thrown at him, his attention only belonging to you.
The song was coming to an end and you opened your eyes back up, slowly adjusting to your surroundings. You did that sometimes while dancing, closing your eyes so you could focus more on the music and enjoy the moment instead of getting distracted by the people around you. You looked around, trying to see if you could find your boyfriend when your eyes met his. A sudden feeling of sadness and anger rushed through your body, keeping you from focusing. Your mind was all over the place, tons of thoughts blocking your mind all at once.
Unsure of how you got there, you found yourself in one of the club bathrooms, hanging above the sink. You tried to keep the tears inside your eyes and normally you were good at that but when it came to him, everything was different. You placed your hands on the sides of the sink, trying to keep your body from falling down when the door to the bathroom opened. You didn’t need to look up in order to know who it was.
“I’m pretty sure the tits on the door stand for “women”.” You spat out.
“(Y/N)…”
“What do you want, Cameron?” You hissed, now turning around to look directly into his light gray eyes.
His gaze went down to the ground, clearly trying to avoid your anger. “I don’t know… You looked sad and I… I wanted to see if you were okay.”
“I’m fine.” You hissed, turning away from him. You looked into the mirror but the girl you met looked far from fine. Sure her makeup and hair looked perfect, but her eyes told a different story. They were watery, seconds from bursting out into tears. She tried to keep herself together but the presence of the boy behind her made everything harder.
You took a deep breath and looked at the boy in the mirror. His hair was a mess, sure it looked good, it always did but not because he put any effort into it. His lips were smiling but his eyes never were good at lying. You had always loved his eyes, the way they sparkled in the morning sun or the way they lit up when you told him one of your unfunny dad jokes that always made him laugh. He always sounded so beautiful when he was laughing, a sound you haven't heard in a very long time but missed terribly. He was in pain, clearly and it hurt you but it wasn’t that that was your fault. At least not completely.
“Listen…” He started, not sure if he should continue or just turn around and leave. “I… I’m sorry that you’re sad. Don’t like seeing you like this.”
“Don’t like seeing me like this?” You laughed. “That’s funny.” You turned around, now facing him directly. “Now be honest Cam-”
“Stop calling me that.”
“But that’s your fucking name now isn’t it?” You paused, walking one step closer to him. “Now be honest, why are you here, Cameron?”
“Like I already said (Y/L/N), because I wanted to see if you were okay.” He pressed, his face now only inches away from yours.
“Hmm. You see, I was okay I was having the time of my life until you and your blonde accessory of the week waltzed in.”
“Ohhh, my accessory of the week hm? Says the one who’s fucking my best friend.” His eyes were dark and his voice turned low. It was obvious how angry he was, something that had never stopped you from topping it off once more.
“That’s right Rafe Cameron, I’m fucking your best friend.” You paused, knowing if you’d go down that road, there would be no going back. “And guess what, he’s better at-” You wanted to continue but got cut off by Rafe's hand around your throat.
“Better at what sweetheart hm?” He whispered. “Tell me, darling.”
“There it is.” You grinned wickedly. “There’s the Rafe Cameron I know and hate.”
That hit him. It was obvious, his grip tightened around your throat and his eyes flickered. He knew you were mad at him but knowing you actually hated him, hit him harder than he thought it would. He wanted to say something, he wanted to spit out a response so dark even the devil would flinch but he couldn’t.
Your body tensed at the loss of oxygen flowing through your throat and you felt your heart fasten but you didn’t flinch. You met his dark gaze and countered with an even darker one. It was like when you were still together, you would challenge and provoke each other until one of you snapped. It had always been like this and it never changed even after you broke up.
He opened his mouth, about to say something when he stopped and let go of your throat. You gasped for air, your hand automatically wandering to your throat. He had done this shit before but never as strong and tight as he did now. His gaze wandered down to the hand on your throat and something in his eyes changed as if he was sorry. He held his hands up and took a few steps back until his back met the wall behind him.
“You know I… I…” He tried but clearly struggled with finding the right words. “I… I’m…” He looked at you, hoping for you to say something but you stayed silent. “You know what, forget it.” He pulled out before ripping the bathroom door open and making his way outside.
Split seconds later and his lips crashed onto yours. You didn’t quite remember how this happened, how your arm reached after him, how you pulled him towards you, or how he smashed the door back shut behind him, all you knew was how much you needed him, how much you missed him.
His hands wandered around your waist as he pulled you closer to him. You had only been making out for a few seconds but you could feel his hardened erection on your body, which turned you on even more. Your hands wandered through his hair, something that you had always loved to do when you were making out.
“Let me show you who the better lover is, sweetheart.” He whispered into your ear. “Bet Topper can’t make you scream the way I’m about to do.” His mouth wandered down your neck, gently kissing and sucking on your soft skin while his hand pushed down your left strap. Your dress was tight but it wasn’t enough to make it fall down your body but it was enough to make your left tit fall out.
He smirked at the sight of your exposed nipple before leaning down and gently sucking on it. He got more passionate with each second, causing you to grow impatient. You placed your finger under his chin and pulled his face back up to yours.
“I need you, to fuck me, Rafe Cameron. Now.” You whispered.
“Mhhh so needy for someone who hates me so bad.” He hummed with a grin on his face. “What would your boyfriend say if he saw his girl like this, all wet for me already, hm? Bet he can’t make you wet like this that fast.”
You rolled your eyes and hopped on the sink behind you, spreading your legs wide apart leaving him no choice but to look down at your exposed thong that was barely enough fabric to cover your folds. You gently let your hand wander through his hair before pulling him towards you. “I. Said. Fuck. Me. Rafe Cameron.” You smirked and continued: “Before I go out there and tell everyone that Topper's dick is bigger than yours.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “Is it?”
“Oh god.” You groaned before pushing his head down to your crotch.
He chuckled before placing his teeth on your thong, ripping it from your body with one quick pull. You moaned at the sight of it and let your head fall back onto the mirror. He got down on his knees and started tongue fucking your pussy like there was no tomorrow. He had always had his special ways, techniques only Rafe Cameron knew how to use but this boy never failed to surprise you. You tried to keep quiet, afraid someone would hear you but he made it very hard when he added his thumb to the party. Soon, he started rubbing soft circles around your clit, something that had always been your weakness.
“Rafe…” You moaned out. “I’m close.”
He didn’t answer but you could feel him smirk against your soaking wet pussy. He sped up his pace, even adding another finger knowing how much you’d always loved it. You tried to hold on to the sink you were sitting on, nearly breaking off a nail as you press your fingertips against the cold ceramic. He could feel your walls tighten around his finger and shortly after, you were cumming all over him. He removed his finger and sucked off your juice, something he’d always loved to do.
You were still holding on to the sink, trying to prepare for what was about to come next. From experience you knew, there was no way in hell he’d let you go without having fucked you at least once, and regarding the boner that was pressing against your stomach, he wouldn't make an exception now.
He smashed his lips onto yours, not leaving any room for you to breathe. Your hands wandered down and unbuckled his belt, quickly exposing his hardened erection. You were about to push him inside you when pulled away.
“Uh, Uh, turn around for me baby, let me see that pretty ass of yours while I fuck you.”
He didn’t need to tell you twice, you quickly hopped off the counter and turned around making him able to slide right into you, causing you both to moan out at the sudden contact.
“Fuck (Y/N) you’re still so tight.”
“What, did you think Topper’s dick is so big it would’ve stretched me out?”
You could see his eye roll through the mirror, causing you to chuckle silently. “Glad to see you still have that pretty big mouth. Let’s see what we can do about that, huh?” He whispered into your ear as he leaned forward, his eyes never leaving yours. He reached into his pocket and pulled the ripped piece of fabric before shoving it into your mouth. “Now, we don’t want anyone to find out what a dirty little slut you are now do we?” You nodded quickly, hoping it would get him to finally start fucking you.
Your hopes were heard and soon you were met with his hips thrusting into your ass, making clap sounds every time your skin touched. His hands held onto your hips as his thrusts got faster and faster with every move. He pulled your hips closer to him, changing the ankle which made him reach the spot that made you lose all your senses. You wanted to scream out his name but instead, felt tears forming in your eyes caused by your inability to do so.
This of cource didn’t go unnoticed by him, causing him to grin and only sped up his pace, fucking you even harder than before. His eyes wandered from your face down to your ass where he watched it wiggle because of his movements. He loved the sight in front of him, you being all messed up because of him, salty tears rolling down your face, colored black mixed with your eyeliner, and your ass presented in front of him, begging him to get slapped. In fact, it was his favorite sight. He tried not to think about it too much but he tried to burn that image deep inside his mind, scared he wouldn’t be able to see it again that fast, if ever.
He wished he could’ve gone like this forever but there was still the risk of getting caught and even though he didn’t care, he knew you would, and believe it or not but upsetting you was the last thing he wanted. So he softly let his hands slide over your body, down to your clit where he placed his finger for support. You let your head fall back onto his shoulder, as he still leaned over you. He loved the way your skin felt on his, a feeling he had never felt with anyone else. He loved the way your hair smelled when you let yourself fall back, even though he hated having hair on his face.
You weren’t able to moan his name out loud but by the way, your nails dug into his thigh, he knew you were close and so was he. He sped up once again, causing you to reach your high almost synchronized with him. You could feel his cum shooting through your body as you tried to recover from your own orgasm.
Even though you were able to free yourself from your own panties by now, you still had trouble catching your breath which didn’t go unnoticed by the boy, still inside of you.
“Hey, are you okay?” He asked softly.
You nodded and gave him a happy smile through the mirror, causing him to smile himself. Oh, much he missed that smile. How much he missed you in general. But he knew you didn’t work out, you tried several times and it always ended in tears.
He slowly pulled out and quickly grabbed the piece of paper that you were handing him before you got yourself your own. The both of you cleaned yourself up and got back dressed. He wanted to say something, how much he enjoyed being close to you like this again but the words didn’t come out.
You watched him silently as he struggled to close his belt because it was stuck once again. You silently laughed at the sight in front of you, the boy that just fucked you mercilessly against the sink in the bathroom of your favorite club struggling with a task as simple as closing his belt. It reminded you of a side of Rafe, that he barely showed anyone these days. The side where he allowed himself to struggle, where he allowed himself to be human and not that perfect business robot, Ward Cameron tried to force him to be.
I'm a demon in the night
She's an angel with the white
Told me keep on all the lights
I'ma show you what you like
Help you put back on your clothes
Make sure nothing's on your nose
Ain't even tell my closest homies, nobody knows
“Here let me help you.” You said as you stepped forward and took the matter into your own hands. “I thought you’d thrown this thing out by now, it has been causing problems since the day I bought it for you.”
“It’s still working.” He answered, but there was a shift in his voice. He sounded harsher than before as if someone got into his mind and reminded him how he was supposed to act.
“Whatever you say then.” You mourned as you slid the belt into the buckle.
You got back up, ready to leave when he pulled you back. “You shouldn’t go out like that, here let me fix you.” He grabbed a piece of paper and poured some water on it, before softly removing black makeup stains from your face. He was very careful, not wanting to hurt you. “I think that’s it but maybe you should… like redo that or something… I don’t know. You always used to do that.”
“Right.” You grabbed into your bag and pulled out a thin, black eyeliner. “Do you want to do it? You used to like doing it.”
“Sure.” He chuckled. He wasn’t particularly good at drawing your eyeliner but you didn’t care. It always felt special when Rafe did your makeup, no matter if it looked perfect or not. You never let anyone do your makeup but there was something about the expression he made once he finished that you just couldn’t resist.
“You know… we could try to stay friends, at least.” You proposed carefully. “If you want to.”
“I don’t want to be your friend, (Y/N). When will you get that into your thick skull that this will never happen?” He spat out as he handed you back your eyeliner. “Like we could never be friends. Like… like what would we even do… as… as friends? Like, what would that friendship be good for?”
“Geez, as you wish Cameron, but know that this… whatever this was… will never happen again.” You paused, trying to fight back your incoming tears. “Like ever.”
“Fine by me.” He mumbled under his breath, but still loud enough for you to hear.
“Good, it’s settled then. I go back to Topper and you can go back to snorting coke off some whores ass.” You spat as you grabbed your bag and stormed out of the door.
He saw you walking through the crowd and stumbling back into the arms of your boyfriend.
Rafe knew he fucked up, but it was for the better. He knew how the both of you could get when you didn’t share the same opinion on something. He knew what power his words held over you if he lost control and said things he never wanted to say. He had seen you before, broken down on his kitchen floor between shattered bottles of glass after the both of you lost it. It was painful, seeing you walk back to Topper, the boy he used to call his best friend. He knew he’d go back to snorting coke, he could already feel the lack of substances in his blood and deep down, he knew Topper was the better man. He knew he wouldn’t hurt you the way he did, he never could and he was right. Topper could never hurt you the way Rafe did but that wasn’t because he was the better man, it was because Rafe had something that Topper never would. You loved him.
I hate that I saw you again last night
You were with somebody and so was I
Met you in the bathroom at 12:05
And I fucked you again
We can never be friends
#jas writes ❥#rafe cameron#outer banks#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x female reader#outer banks fanfiction
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I Miss the Misery Part 2 (Steve X You)
Part One Here
Warnings: Toxic Daddy Stevie (but he wants to be better)/ Slightly Toxic Fem sub reader, SMUT, dirty talk, rough play, daddy kink (cause im me), choking, spanking, degrading, Slight Fluff, she loves him and he loves her but they both struggle with their feelings, ANGST, Jealous Steve AND Reader, Steve gets drunk after a bad experience with his father (he talks about it; elaborated), They both try to verbally hurt each so they say mean things to each other ( they call each other names, bring up past behavior, etc.) , cliff hanger ending!
Word Count: 7058
It had been a couple of weeks since your incident with your ex Steve Harrington. When you came home that night your boyfriend was still up waiting for you. You talked things through like any normal couple would and that night you both went to bed happy. Well, he did. You laid there for hours replaying the nights events in your head.
You could still feel Steve’s hands on your hips where he clung to you as he thrust his big, thick cock into you roughly till your eyes rolled back. You could still hear his grunts and pants warming your ear as his sweaty body fell on top of yours.
But more than anything, you kept going back to the conversation after.
“Yeah, well, if we’re toxic then I’d rather go down with you than anyone else.”
“I just kept wishing they were you.”
“I feel like we can make this work.”
You had always believed the two of you could make your relationship work but the problem always was that he could never commit to it. He had you for two years in high school and he, quite literally, let you slip away. It wasn’t fair to you for him to think he could just show up one day and you’d drop everything to be with him especially when you knew it would end badly.
A strong hand reached out from the darkness of an open door and yanked you into the room before slamming it shut.
“What’s this I’m hearing about you going on a date with Ben Lomax?”, Steve asked sternly as he glared down at you.
“Well, hello to you to, Harrington. I hope you had a good weekend.”
“Don’t play with me, Y/N.”
“What do you care? We’re not dating right? I can go out with whoever I want to.”
Butterflies flutter in your stomach as you watch his jealously rise. You liked amping him up like this so he’d take what’s his.
“You’re mine, little girl.”
“Then claim me, Daddy. Make me yours.”
It felt so good having him take control the way he did even though you knew it wasn’t healthy. No… you couldn’t allow him to win this time. This time you needed to do what was right for you and Jacob. Rolling over onto your side, you wrapped your arms around his torso and pressed your face into his back, clinging to normality tightly as you finally drifted off to sleep.
***
“Hey, baby.”, your boyfriend grinned as you sat beside him at his desk and he handed you some items in a grocery bag. “Thank you for coming by. You know how my mom is. I’d give her back these things myself but this project…”
“I know, honey. You’ve been working really hard.”, you reply encouragingly as you softly smile.
The smell of his cologne hit you before the sound of his voice. Glancing down the hallway, you watched as Steve argued with someone over the phone as he sauntered confidently towards you both. Your body and attitude prepared for the battle that was sure to come but to your surprise he walked right past you as if you weren’t there. After angrily hanging up his phone, his face changed to a much softer demeanor as he grinned, opening his arms wide as a blond young lady eagerly jumped into them.
“That’s Mr. Harrington’s new girlfriend I hear.”, Jacob whispers. “She’s a lot younger than him but I guess that’s expected when you have all the money in the world.”
You hadn’t heard a word he said, the fury bubbling in your stomach up to your chest.
“I can play this game better.”
Fucking asshole. He wants to pretend I’m not here and try to make me jealous, go ahead! I’m not the same girl I was in high school. This won’t work.
“Baby? Are you ok?”
“Hm? Yeah, sweetheart. I’m fine, just tired.”
“I understand. Hey, tonight we’re meeting at the bar downtown. It’s just going to be the team here. Would you want to go?”
Shifting you gaze their way again, you watched as Steve beamed down at the girl before tenderly kissing her lips.
“Yeah, I think that sounds fun.”
########
“So Y/N, how is the new book coming along?”, Jacob’s coworker asked as you took a sip from the alcohol in your glass.
“Good, thank you. I’m having some writers block but it’s not a big deal. Not as big a deal as what you guys have been working on.”
“Yeah, thankfully we’re almost near the end.”, another girl at the table sighs. “Mr. Harrington has really helped us out. He’s been buying us lunch for the office every day.”
“And letting us leave early on Fridays so we can have a bit of a break. He stays in the office to make up the time.”
You couldn’t help but smile at their praise. Steve had always been a complete asshole but even during your relationship with him you saw the compassion and kindness that hid under the snark.
“Y/N? Honey, are you alright?”, he cooed as he sat on the bench beside you. His long fingers tenderly reached out to dry the tears that were still falling down your cheeks.
“I’m fine, Steve. You don’t have to…”, you tried to dismiss him as you waved your hand.
“I know I don’t have to. You know me. You know I don’t do anything I don’t want to.” Steve firmly grabbed your wrists and turned your body to face him a bit more. “Now, what’s going on, babe?”
“My, uh, my grandfather died.”
At your revelation, you began to cry harder and he collected you in his arms, pressing your head to his chest.
“Shit, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I know you two were really close. Everything’s ok, pretty girl. I’m right here.”
“Speak of the devil…Mr. Harrington! Hey! Why don’t you come sit with us?!”, one of Jacob’s friends shouted bringing you back to reality.
Steve Harrington was the devil indeed with how delicious he looked dressed in his jeans and black button up shirt. His signature smile blinded the table as he grabbed his dates arm and headed towards you.
“Hey guys. You don’t have to invite me. I’m sure you’re tired of dealing me for 40+ hours a week already.”
“Oh, come on. Join us. It’s no problem at all.”
The sound of your glass slamming into the table startled everyone including Steve as he finally gave you his attention.
“Yeah, Steven. Not a problem at all. Take a seat.”
His head ticked to the side in amusement before taking a seat and pulling his date onto his lap making you cringe in annoyance.
“Y/N apparently went to school with Mr. Harrington here.”, Jacob explained to his coworkers who were still fairly wide eyed at the way you addressed him.
“That’s pretty cool. You two were friends?”
“Nope. Hardly even knew each other. Right, Harrington?”, you sassed.
Turning away from you, he focused on the original question.
“I wouldn’t say friends. We definitely knew of each other. Everyone in Hawkins did with it being a small town and all.”
Throughout the rest of the night, you constantly fumed in his direction every time he opened his mouth. His hands constantly roamed his date’s skin driving you insane every time she would lean back and nuzzle her face into his neck. In retaliation you tried to do the same with Jacob but you knew that was a lost cause because he wasn’t very keen on the PDA.
You drank more and more until the world around you got hazy.
“How long have you two been together?”, someone asked as they gestured towards him and his date.
“Um, about two weeks I believe.”
“Hm. About how long she’s been in the world.”, you hiccupped as you knocked back a shot on the table. “I mean…look at you, Barbie. You’re basically a fetus.”
“Y/N.”, Jacob whispered. “That was rude.”
“No, no Jacob. It’s ok. I see she hasn’t changed much. Y/N here had kind of a reputation for being bratty at school.”
“And Steve Harrington had a reputation for being a man slut.”
“Alright, I think we’re going to go home. Come on, babe.”, you boyfriend said sternly, gripping your arm.
“How about you guys come to my house? It’s a lot closer and you can get her to bed so she can sober up.”, Steve replied casually.
“Oh, Mr. Harrington, we couldn’t impose.”
“I insist. Come on, honey.”, he grins as he slaps the girl’s ass playfully. “It was nice spending time with you guys. Jacob, just follow me.”
***
It took you awhile to catch your bearings when your groggy eyes opened and you realized you weren’t at home.
“Jacob?”
Glancing beside you, you noticed his peacefully sleeping frame beside you so you left him be as you got up to find a bathroom. Wherever you were it was a very nice place with the updated furnishings and new home smell.
It took you a moment to find a bathroom but after you did, you shut the door and ran the cool water over you face.
What happened last night? I remember Steve showing up at the bar…a dizzying car ride…lips on mine…angry eyes. Maybe Jacob was upset for how I behaved. I need to make it up to him. He doesn’t deserve me acting like a drunk fool in front of his friends.
Sighing, you opened the door to head back to bed but was met with a strong hand around your throat pushing you backwards into the bathroom and closing the door.
“Are we sober now, little girl? Good because I really want this to sink in.”, Steve growled as his face hovered above yours. “If you ever disrespect me like that again I’ll throw you over my knee and spank you till you can’t handle it. I don’t care where we are or if your fucking boyfriend is in the room. Do I make myself clear?”
“What…what…I don’t remember…”
“You don’t…don’t…remember?”, he mocked. “Well, let me refresh your memory. I told your idiot boyfriend to bring you back to my house so you could rest because you were insulting my girlfriend and embarrassing yourself in front of his coworkers. When we got here, I showed him my spare rooms and left you guys alone. While I was getting ready for bed myself, the door was open and you were on your fucking knees IN MY HOUSE sucking another man’s dick AND CALLING HIM DADDY!”, Steve scolded roughly in your ear through clenched teeth.
Finally gathering your faculties, you pushed at his chest causing him to release you but only long enough to invade your space again as his face hovered just above your own.
“I’M your Daddy.”
“Not anymore.”
“Oh? Did you also forget that you showed up at my office two weeks ago begging for my cock and calling me Daddy? Or was that some other pathetic little girl?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised with how many women you’ve fucked in your lifetime.”
“Said the whore. Let’s not forget how many guys you were with in Hawkins.”
“I wasn’t with anyone! I went on dates but the only person I ever fucked was you!”
“Yeah right. Do you expect me to believe that? Hell, you cheated on your boyfriend with me!”
“Like it matters if you believe me or not. Technically I was single in school. You couldn’t bother to be seen with me because I was fucking poor. Jesus. You say I’m pathetic but the truth is you are; a pathetic little daddy’s boy. Couldn’t even start or find a company of your own. You had to play sloppy seconds to his business!”
Steve’s palm covered your mouth roughly as he pushed you forcefully against the wall. His breathing became erratic as he heavily panted trying to control his temper. His eyes stared daggers into yours for what felt like forever till something in the air snapped and he replaced his hand with his lips.
It was a rough kiss fueled by anger and you felt your pussy flutter at the notion. Riled up Steve was always one of your favorite versions of him because he claimed what was his in the best way possible. This is what you wanted. You wanted him to realize that he hated the idea of you not being his and fought to have you by his side. The problem was he did claim you but never truly made you his.
Your arms pushed at his chest but his grip tightened as he held your wrists to your sides. Moving them to one hand, he utilized his now free palm to smack you before grabbing your cheeks with his fingers.
“Do you want to stop? Say the word and we’ll stop.”, he growled. “Answer me.”
“No.”
“No what?”
“No, I don’t want you to stop.”
“I didn’t think so.”
Aggressively, he turned you around and pushed your body against the sink as he moved aside your panties while freeing his cock from his boxers. After spitting into his hand and stroking it along his shaft, you both groaned as he guided himself into you promptly setting a rough pace.
“Baby?”
Your eyes widen at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice on the other side of the bathroom door and you see Steve smirk from his reflection in the mirror.
“Y-Yeah?”
“Are you ok? I woke up and you weren’t there.”
The man inside you slowed his rhythm, dragging his length pleasantly along your tight walls before slamming himself back into your pussy making your eyes roll as your nails dug into the arm he had around your stomach.
“I-I’m okay, Jacob. Ahhh… I’ll be right there, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, you will, baby girl. You’ll—mmm—crawl back in beside him full of my cum like the fucking whore you are.”, Steve whispers, his lips attaching to your neck as your head falls against his shoulder.
“Okay. Are you sure you’re all right?”
Picking up his pace again, his cock overwhelmed your senses as you tried to control yourself from screaming his name.
“YES! I’m fine. I’ll be right there!”
“Alright, honey. I love you.”
Steve’s eyes met yours in the mirror, softening slightly when he saw pain flash through them.
“I love you to.”
He knew you weren’t saying it to your boyfriend but to him, however, Jacob thinking your love was meant for him infuriated Steve as he spanked your ass hard before wrapping both arms around you to hold you still as he slammed his lower half into your own.
“Who’s your Daddy, little girl?”
“You are, Steve, please.”
“Say it again so I know you fucking understand.”
“You are, Daddy. Please. Let me cum. I’ll—fuck—I’ll be a good girl. I promise.”
“No you won’t but that’s ok. I don’t mind putting you in your place.”
As his fingers find their way to your clit, you bite your bottom lip to stifle the loud moan that wants to break free. Placing your arms and hands over his own, you cling to him as your body trembles and you cum hard around him. His rhythm falters and you hear him grunt in your ear before you feel his release spill inside of you.
Steve pants as his softening cock pulls out of your aching hole and tucks himself back into his boxers as he takes a seat on the edge of the tub. Maybe it was the headspace you were still in or just seeing him look so upset hit that soft spot in your heart but you couldn’t help it when you lowered yourself to your knees and crawled to his side, placing your head on his thigh as you hugged his legs.
“I’m sorry I called him Daddy.”
His large palm reached out to pet your head making you sigh as you closed your eyes.
“No, you’re not. Yeah you were drunk but your subconscious definitely wanted to hurt me and that would be the way to do it. It’s not like I didn’t do the same thing by bringing a young, beautiful girl around. I knew she’d piss you off.”
“Why do we have to be this way to each other, Steve?”
“I think the real question, sweetheart, is why do we like it?”
“Why do I like it so much with you?”, you whisper. As your tears begin to fall, he leans down to collect you in his arms and places you on his lap. “I tried, whatever the fuck this is, with other men and every time I got hurt. They were you times 10. Then I met Jacob and—”
“He’s the exact opposite.”
“And not in a good way.”, you sigh as you caress his face with your palm. “Steve, I didn’t have sex with anyone else when we were in school. The first time I was every with someone who wasn’t you was after I left. I hated it… he was too rough and almost every conversation we had was a fight.” Turning his face towards you, you tenderly kiss his forehead. “I swear, I never called any of them Daddy. They would beg me to but it always felt wrong. Only you ever knew how to take care of me like that. I just wish you could have taken care of me in every other way.”
After softly kissing his lips, you crawled off his lap and headed back to bed to curl up in your boyfriend’s arms that you wished were Steve’s.
##################
Another week went by in uneventful domestic bliss as you continued to be the best girlfriend you could. Today Jacob and his coworkers were celebrating finishing the project they had been working on with a camping trip up north. He had invited you to come along but after what happened you thought it best to stay put. You also weren’t really a fan of sleeping outdoors without AC but you kept that little tidbit to yourself.
You utilized the alone time to work on your novel and get things done around the house but after a couple of hours, you found yourself extremely bored. Throwing on your jacket and grabbing your keys, you headed to a bar down the way ordering the strongest drink you could think of.
Once again, the smell caught your attention first before the snarky laugh that followed.
“Of course. Of course. Of fucking course, YOU of all people would be here.”, Steve giggled drunkenly as he knocked back his beverage and signaled the bartender for a refill.
He looked completely disheveled, his hair a mess due to his fingers running frustratingly through it. The suit jacket he had worn was hanging on the back of the chair while his white button up shirt was untucked and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows.
“Steve? What happened?”
“Like you care.”
You should have walked away; left him there to wallow by himself but this nagging in your stomach wouldn’t allow you to as your worry for him took control.
“I do care. Come on, Steve, talk to me.”
Spinning in his seat, he leaned his side obnoxiously over the bar as his glassy eyes met yours.
“What happened. Hm…Y/N wants to know what the fuck happened. Well, we finished our project at work today. Managed to sign a huge fucking client worth millions! But does that impress my father? Oh, no. Fucker has to fly up here just to berate me and scold me on what we need to do next. This isn’t my first day on the job. I’ve watched that asshole work my entire life and he can’t even let go for one God damn second to see I did something good!”
“You’re right. I remember he was always hard on you. I saw him scream at you once after a game even though the team won and you made the most points. He said you didn’t try hard enough.” He nods at the memory, chugging the content of the glass and again asking for more. You discreetly signaled to the bartender that this was the last one as you focus your attention back on the broken man in front of you. “I hope you know he’s wrong. I know how hard you worked on this.”
“Yup. I know, Y/N. I’m not a fucking idiot. Why are you even here? I’m toxic remember?”
“You are but that doesn’t mean I want anything bad to happen to you. Let me take you home.”
“Fuck you. I can fucking take myself home.”, he growls, finishing the last of his beverage.
“Ok. Can you at least text me and let me know you got home safely?”
After rubbing his shoulder comfortingly, you put on your jacket and pay for your drink but as you turn to leave, a warm palm abruptly grabs your wrist.
“Y/N, um… C-Can you come home with me? I promise I won’t make a move or anything. I just… don’t want to be alone.”
***
“Oh shit!”, he laughs as he falls through the door after turning the key.
“Where’s your girlfriend tonight?”, you ask as you guide him towards his bedroom, holding his waist as he stumbles from side to side.
“Girlfriend? Oh, you mean Barbie?”
“That’s not really her name is it?”
Steve snorts as he chuckles, throwing himself onto the mattress and throwing his arm over his eyes.
“No…it’s, um, Tiffany. No, Erica…Fuck, I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since you and your idiot spent the night.”
After you flashed him a sassy smirk he didn’t see, you began getting him ready for bed starting with his shoes. You thought he had finally passed out but when you grabbed his arm to take off his watch and class ring from college, his eyes opened, and he tilted his head to watch you.
“Where can I put these?”, you murmur with a soft smile.
Silently, he gestures towards the bedside table and you reach for the drawer to delicately place them inside. Something catches your eye, however, as you pull out a well, worn picture of the two of you in high school. Steve rarely ever took photos with you back then. Nothing the two of you ever did was ever genuinely photo worthy since you two were sneaking around most of the time. When this image was taken, you were supposed to take pictures for a class project and brought the camera with you to his house after your photoshoot with your group.
“Why do you have a camera? I thought you wanted to be a writer.”, he asks after noticing it in your bag and taking it out.
“Oh, so you ARE listening to me when I talk?”
“A ha ha. You’re so funny, Y/N.”
“It’s for a class project we’re working on.”, you giggle.
“Is the project sexy basketball captains?”, Steve joked as he held the device high in the air away from your reach. “Handsome Men at Hawkins High? Oh! Or Gods in Bed?”
“No. It’s a project about Hawkins jerks who steal stuff and are TERRIBLE in bed.”
You playfully tackle him onto the mattress and lightly wrestle with him till he has both arms around you with your face against his chest. Gently tugging your hair, his lips land on your forehead before traveling down to your own for a tender kiss.
Holding his arm high above you both, he presses his cheek to your own as you both smile and the flash blinds your eyes.
“Where did you get this?”, you whisper as he bends towards you and squints his eyes at the image.
“Ummmm… stole it from your room…snuck in.”, Steve sighs as he rolls onto his back and closes his eyes. “You were…gone…vanish from…Hawkins.”
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you turn off his bed side lamp but as you begin to stand, his slurred voice fills your ears.
“Please don’t go…”
Grabbing a throw blanket, you toss it over you both as you curl up into his side and rest your palm on his chest, letting the comforting rhythm of his breathing lull you to sleep.
############
The feeling of lips on your shoulder causes your eyes to flutter open.
You had rolled over in the night and were currently facing Steve’s bland, gray bedroom wall as soft hands roamed your skin. Pretending to still be asleep, you melted into his touch as you pushed your back into his chest. Fingers gently caressed your stomach and up your shirt as his mouth continued to travel towards your neck.
Quickly moving some of your hair away from your face, Steve kissed your cheek as his palm massaged your breasts briefly before gliding back down to your stomach. You could feel his eyes watching you as you subtly moaned, the bulge in his slacks pressing against your clothed ass.
You allowed your lower half to grind against him as his groan grumbled low in your ear. Moving one of his arms above your head, you reached up to intertwine your fingers with his as his other hand slipped through the waistband of your pants and under your panties.
“Daddy.”, you panted as he guided his middle and ring fingers inside of your core.
Steve didn’t respond verbally, his teeth gently grazing your earlobe as he rolled his hips against you matching the pace of his digits.
“Fuck, yes. Please… Talk to me, baby.”, you beg.
Again, he doesn’t answer, releasing your hand to wrap his arm around your chest and hold you to him as he moved his fingers so fast between your legs that the sound of your slick filled the room.
Your body trembles against his as the dam breaks and your nails dig into his skin as you cum.
Rolling over on to your back, your eyes try to find his but he hastily diverts them as he focuses on pulling down your pants. Gripping his chin, you force him to look at you.
“Talk to me, baby.”, you repeat.
“Why are you here?”
His question genuinely threw you off as you scanned his face searching for a reason.
“You asked me to. You said you didn’t want to be alone.”
“Yeah but WHY are you here, Y/N? You left me, you have a boyfriend, you think I’m a bad person yet you’re here.”
“I thought you wanted to be with me. That’s why you said what you said a few weeks ago. Why do you care? I’m just the girl you fuck to feel better right? RIGHT?!”
“THAT’S RIGHT!”, Steve shouts but even he realizes he sounds insincere. “You should go home.”
“What if I don’t want to go home.”
“I wasn’t asking. Get your shit and get out of my house.”
“No.”
Angrily, he rolled out of bed and grabbed your ankle, tugging you to the edge of the bed. Before he could take hold of your arm to lift you, you smacked his cheek blind siding him as you ran out of the bedroom and towards a guest room with the intent of shutting him out.
Steve was much faster than you, wrapping his arm around your waist and lifting you off your feet as he carried you down the hall towards the stairs.
“Why do you do this, Steve?! Why do you push me away?!”
“Because, little girl, like you said, I’m toxic. I’m just like my father and I’m sorry to say, honey, you aren’t at the level of my mother. You’re the side piece trash my dad throws out when he’s done.”
As soon as he reaches the bottom step, you take hold of the banister and manage to wiggle out of his hold, running towards the kitchen to allow for the barrier of the island between you two.
“Said the man who has a picture of me in his nightstand. It seemed pretty worn too, Harrington. How long have you had it? How many times have you taken it out to look at over the years?”
“I look at it when I need a reminder of how low I sunk when it came to women back then. Thankfully I do much better now.”
“Oh yeah? Like Barbie? Wait, I mean Tiffany…Erica?”, you snicker sarcastically. “Couldn’t even bother to remember her name. Do you remember any of their names? Hell, was I the longest ‘relationship’ you had?!”
He lunges to the side but you duck out of the way just in time as you move around the island.
“Oh shit, Steven. I was wasn’t I? Even in school you had all these women at your side but they were never yours. Why is that? Because if you had been in a real relationship, I never would have continued whatever the fuck we had. Didn’t have the balls to?”
You watch his face with immense satisfaction as his eyes get darker, filling with even more fury.
“And that’s what pisses you off the most, huh? You say I’m the side piece but the fact of the matter is you are… and that scares you. I could throw you away just like your dad did to his whores… just like he does with you… Yet instead of standing up for yourself and claiming me; proving to me you can be a good man; you act like a child. You couldn’t even tell your daddy to fuck off which is why you went to the bar to get wasted.”
Shaking your head, you size him up and down with your eyes in disgust.
“You’re not my Daddy, little boy.”
The calmness that washed over his face frighted you a bit, signaling to you that you needed to tread carefully. You had only ever seen him this way once before back in high school…the first time.
“Steve?”
“Jesus fucking Christ. What the fuck do you want?!”, the boy growls from his place on the bleachers in the now empty gymnasium.
“I don’t mean to bother you. I don’t know if you remember me but we have a couple of classes together—”
“Wonderful. Go away.”
His gruff tone shakes you a bit but you were determined to say what you wanted to say.
“Ok. I, um, I just wanted to tell you that I heard what your parents…your dad… said and I just wanted you to know that…he’s wrong. I think you did amazing out there tonight. Honestly, I think you do awesome every game but…”
The jock’s angry yes shoot up to look at you as he scans you over.
“Yeah. Thanks…”
“Y/N. No problem. I’ll, uh, I’ll leave you be now.”
Reaching out abruptly, his hand grips your wrist and yanks you in one motion on to his lap so you were straddling his waist facing him. You should have gasped and hit him, called him a pervert or asshole, and immediately got away from him but the way he was looking up at you with those heart broken eyes…
“You’re a very nice pretty girl, aren’t you?” You blushed at his calm, seductive tone as your hands balanced yourself on his shoulders. “Can I return the favor?”
He fucked you right there on the bleachers not caring if any one saw either of you or if you were embarrassed by someone walking in and catching you two. Steve used you till he was spent and he wasn’t gentle by any means. You loved it and he knew it as he smirked up or down at you every time you came.
He didn’t chase you this time as you left the kitchen and ran down the hall. You didn’t know why until the man rounded a sudden corner and wrapped his palm around your throat. Pushing you backwards, he guided you towards the sofa before taking a seat and hurling your front half over his lap.
You squirmed as he held you down, yelping when his hand came down hard on your behind.
“It’s been too long since you’ve been punished properly, little girl. Between the disrespect, attitude, and being a little whore, I think it’s time I put you in your place.” You wiggled against his hold but he was firm as one of his arms pressed into your shoulder blades. “Stop moving!”, Steve shouted as his hand came down harder than before.
“Ow…Steve…”
You yelped as his palm came down again a couple more times.
“It seems, Y/N, that you keep forgetting who I am but don’t worry. We’ll make sure it sticks this time. If this is the only way to get through to you, so be it.”
“Steve…please…OW!”, you whine when he spanks you again.
“Don’t act like this isn’t turning you on. I bet if we pull off these panties, you’d be dripping like the little disobedient slut you are.”
After hitting you again, he yanks down your underwear making you groan as he slides his finger through your slick.
“See? Didn’t I just make you cum? Look how wet you are. I told you before, honey. Pissing each other off is the shit that really gets us going.”
Minutes passed but it felt like hours as he continued to spank you turning you into a sobbing mess. Your ass was extremely sore and marked up enough that you would need to come up with an excuse if Jacob saw them.
“Steve, please…”, you begged. “How many more?”
“However…many…more…it…takes!”, he shouted near your ear as he hit your behind between each word. “Who am I, Y/N?”
Circling his thumb along your clit, he didn’t allow you a moment to breathe as he built you up and your brain blanked.
“Answer me, little girl!”
“DADDY! You’re Daddy, Steve.”
“Damn right. I’m not some side piece you throw away. I’m fucking Daddy.”, he growled. “People like you and my parents think I’m nothing but I’m NOT. Women scream my name almost every night. I’m the CEO of a huge firm. I make a ton of fucking money. Why isn’t that enough, huh?!”
As his palm connected with your red, bruised skin, you came drenching his lap with your arousal. His chest rose and fell in heavy breaths as he tried to calm down, Steve’s gaze shifting to you when he heard your small sniffles.
As carefully as he could, he lifted you up and turned you around till you were sitting properly on his lap with your face in the nook near his shoulder. While you continued to cry, his hands massaged your arms while he tenderly played with your hair.
“What color are you at right now, honey?”
One of your arms rose to circle around his neck as you softly kissed his skin.
“Green, Daddy.”, you whisper.
Steve curtly nodded as his eyes remained forward while he continued to pet your head, allowing you time to come back down.
“Are you ok?”, he asked in a tone you had never heard from him before. He sounded almost…afraid. Lifting your head, your palm reaches for his cheek and turns his face so his eyes can meet yours. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cross a line. I didn’t mean to…hurt you.”
Placing your forehead on his, he sighs as your fingertips run along the slight stubble over his chin and up to his lips.
“I don’t mind you hurting me.”
“You’re not supposed to lie to me, baby girl, remember?”, he smirks as a breathy laugh escapes his chest. “You like when I’m rough with you in bed. You like pushing me to rile me up just like I do with you to see if you will because I know you’re a fucking brat.”
Steve’s grin grows as you blush, knowing he’s telling the truth.
“The problem is you and I don’t know where the line is. It always seeped out into our day to day and into my insecurities. That’s what you don’t like. You don’t like me using you and breaking your heart. Just like I don’t like watching you cry. Not like this anyway.”
Lifting you into his arms, he carried you back to his bedroom and into the bathroom where you marveled at his massive clawfoot tub. After getting the bath ready, he holds your hand as he guides you but you pause before you sit.
“Will you sit with me, Daddy?”
“Yeah, honey, I can do that.”
After waiting patiently for him to disrobe, you allow him to climb in behind you and take a seat as you lean against his chest. His large palms run along your shoulders and down your arms making you sigh as you tilt back to kiss his cheek.
“You were always enough for me, Steve Harrington.” His eyes meet your own as you continue. “The problem was I was never enough for you.”
“Y/N, I’m moving to New York.” Your eyes widen as move away from him and scan his face for lies. “I was only supposed to be here for this project and then run the company as a whole from over there. I…I never expected to see you again. I…”, he pauses as he tries to collect his thoughts. “I want you to come with me.”
“Steve…I can’t…”
“Yes you can. I feel like we can work on this if we can be together. I know we can learn the line and just keep this in the bedroom without going too far and being toxic.”
“We had so many more problems than you being jealous and screaming things at me.”
“Y/N, I don’t want anyone else. I’m not the same guy I was. I won’t cheat. I won’t hurt you. I’ll claim you… I DO claim you. You’re mine, baby.”
“You just told me an hour ago that I’m just the girl you fuck and I should get the fuck out of your house.”
“I’m not perfect. Truth be told, like you said, I AM afraid of losing you again so I lashed out. I didn’t mean what I said.”
“I don’t believe you.”, you whisper.
“Then why are you here?”
“You said—”
“No. You’re your own woman with your own free will. You still could have gone home. You still love me and I love you, sweetheart…so fucking much.”
His arms wrapped around you, hugging you to him as you began to disassociate. You did still love him; you always had even after you left but you left for a reason. You stayed away for a reason. If you and he were having this discussion 5 years ago you would know immediately that he was just doing whatever he could to appease you without really hearing you and hurt you again a few weeks later. What killed you was if this was 5 years ago and he said he was moving you would have said yes without thinking.
Now you were overthinking and fear was taking over.
What if things just went back to the way they were? He seems sincere but a lot of his behavior has been the same. But he said he wanted to work on that and with me. Steve said he was finally ready to claim me and that he loved me…
But what about Jacob? He’s been such a caring and patient good man. I can’t hurt him like this especially if there’s a chance Steve could hurt me again.
You should have voiced your concerns to him and talked about it like adults. You should have sat on his couch and heard out his plans for success when it came to your relationship together. You should have listened and expressed everything you needed to but you didn’t.
“You knew what this was…”
Steve’s entire demeanor stiffened as you whispered the words he screamed at you the night before you left.
“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t quite catch that. Do you have the balls to say it louder?”
Rising to your feet, you grabbed a nearby towel, wincing when it grazed your behind as you wrapped it around your body.
“I said you knew what this was. It’s not my fault you caught feelings.”
He laughed to himself as he climbed out of the tub allowing the water to drench his bathroom as he headed for the bedroom.
“Keeping going, honey. But really twist the knife and make it hurt. That’s what it will take for what you’re doing to work.” Grabbing your clothes off the floor, he tossed them in your direction as your eyes narrowed. “You’re trying to hurt me, right? To push me away because you’re scared of actually taking that leap and giving me a chance?”
Your glassy eyes shifted away from him as you threw your shirt over your head and pulled on your underwear.
“Because that’s what I did.” You froze as he continued, slowly moving your way as he spoke. “Why do you think I fucked Lori that night? Y/N, you told me you loved me and it scared the hell out of me. I was a popular, rich, Harrington… I was supposed to become my father. I was supposed to cheat, run a business, and make a ton of money by any means necessary.”
Stopping at your side, his fingers gripped your chin forcing you to turn and look at him.
“All I wanted to do was run away with you… but I panicked and hurt you instead causing you to run away without me. Y/N, I knew I fucked up when I climbed through your window and you were gone. I lost the one person that actually gave a damn about me and who I genuinely cared about. I’d like another chance and I promise you won’t regret it.”
“I already do.”, you murmured as you buttoned your jeans and began walking down his stairs towards his front door.
“Oh, Y/N?”, he called nonchalantly.
“What, Steven!?”, you shout as you glare up at his still naked frame leaning over the second-floor banister.
“You forgot your phone.”, he says calmly flashing you the screen that was currently illuminating a picture of you and your boyfriend as his call came through. Panic flowed through your entire body as his thumb moved the green dot.
“Y/N’s phone, this is Steve Harrington.”
####################
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#steve harrington#joe keery#stranger things#steve harrington smut#steve harrington stranger things#steve harrington angst#joe keery smut#joe keery fanfiction#stranger things fanfiction#toxic!steve harrington#mean steve#fan fiction#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x y/n smut#spotify#Spotify
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Your Valentine (Dean)
This is how Dean Winchester shows you that he loves you.
To say that Dean Winchester is the love of your life is an understatement. You met him on a hunt a few years ago. At first, things didn’t hit off between you. It was an eventual romance that you never saw coming. Now, you’ve been together for more than a year. You are very happy in your relationship. Thus, the reason you aren’t answering his calls has nothing to do with the fact that you’re mad at him. Not at all. You want to talk to him, just not right now.
The last hunt was hard. You and the brothers were up against some demons. They were threatening the safety of a family, and you had to save them. During the hunt, that was all you could think about. One of your flaws, if you could call it that, it’s that you took very seriously your role as a hunter when it came to saving people. It always took you down when you couldn’t save someone. And sadly, that happened often. Today, it had been the youngest daughter of the family who you couldn’t save. Normally, you would need a hot shower and a warm meal to bring you back. It didn’t work this time. You had spent some time with the little girl before she was murdered. You liked her.
After the hunt was done, and you got to the bunker, you took the Impala and ran off. You drove for a few miles until you stopped by a greenery cliff. You’ve never been here before, but the sight makes you wish you had. Your phone has been ringing with Dean and Sam’s calls ever since. Well, mostly Dean. You briefly wonder if he’s angrier that you left or that you left with his car. As if hearing your thoughts, your cellphone vibrates. On the caller’s ID reads Dean. Along with it, the picture that you chose for him stares back at you. Eyes light green and mischievous smile. Maybe you should answer, you’ve been MIA for a few hours. You don’t want them to get worried.
You’ve barely clicked on the green button when he starts talking. “Hey, where are you? Why don’t you pick up?” Under normal circumstances, you would’ve told Dean to back off. But it was you who left without a word after a dangerous hunt.
“Calm down, I’m ok,” you respond. “I just needed some air.”
“I’m sorry, you had me worried,” Dean murmurs.
You sigh, “I’m sorry.” For a moment, no one says anything. You can feel that Dean wants to add something, yet he knows better than to talk to you about the people you lose. For you, it works better to acknowledge it and move on. Alone. You don’t like talking about it, you know you can’t save everyone. “I’ll return the Impala, sorry I didn’t ask.”
“Don’t worry, honey. Take your time.” Take your time? With his car? He must’ve been really worried.
“What is it, then?”
You know him too well. “Well, it just that… we had that reservation tonight. I was just wondering, do you still want to go? It’s ok if you don’t.”
Fuck, you completely forgot. You were going out with Dean after the hunt. Of course, you were, it’s Valentine’s! “Shit, I’m sorry -again-, with the hunt, I-”
“I know. As I said, I understand if you don’t want to go anymore. Why don’t we eat here instead?”
You really want to go out with Dean. It’s not every day that you get to do that with the life you have. “No, I’ll be there in fifteen. Then just give me half an hour to get ready.” Before he can answer, you hang up.
On the way back to the bunker, you try to go back to being yourself. You try to forget about the little girl. For the most part, you can, though she still lingers in the back of your mind. Just like the rest of the people you couldn’t save. As soon as you park, you head to your bedroom to get ready. The restaurant where you made the reservation isn’t that fancy. Nevertheless, you cannot show in jeans and flannel. You hope Dean has the decency to change too. You put on a nice purple dress and high heels. Furthermore, you do a quick make-up and decide to just brush your hair. If you had more time, maybe you could’ve done something prettier, but you’re running late. It’s been 40 of the 30 minutes you asked Dean. He’s used to you being a little late, but that doesn’t mean you have to make him wait too long.
“Hey, sorry that took me a bit. I’m ready. Are you…?” The question gets stuck in your throat once you look up.
There, in a nice suit, Dean Winchester awaits you. His clothes are cleaned and ironed, this is definitely not one of the suits he wears when he pretends to be FBI. Did he buy it for this date? His hair is styled back charmingly. The beard that he has been growing for a few days is well-groomed. You remember telling him you liked seeing him with a beard. Truth is, it turns you on. If he noticed your awestruck expression, he doesn’t mention it. Maybe because he’s too busy looking you up and down. His smile becomes appreciative.
He walks towards you and embraces you in his arms. “Well, I wouldn’t mind skipping to dessert.” You roll your eyes but smile nonetheless. That’s one of the things you love about him. He makes you forget all of your worries. “Are you sure you’re up for it?”
You peck his lips briefly. “I've been dreaming about this date for months. We rarely go out,” you look at him firmly, “we're doing this”.
“Alright, let’s go then.”
The restaurant where you go is not so far away from the bunker, so you make it in time before they give someone else the spot. Once settle, you order and wait for your dishes. In the meanwhile, Dean puts all of his efforts into making you forget about the hunt. Mostly, he succeeds.
“I really think Sammy is having a thing with that bartender,” he’s saying, “you saw the look he gave her the other day.” He’s referring to a pretty girl that works at a nearby bar. You’re certain Sam is not having a thing with her because she’s told you she’s lesbian.
“I don’t know, Dean. Sam doesn’t really seem like her type.” He gives you a puzzled look, “if she were, she wouldn’t have flirted with me the other day and told me that she likes girls.”
Now he’s just surprised. “You’ve never told me she hit on you.”
You shrug, “it wasn’t a big deal. She saw you kiss me after and back off.”
He thinks it over, “alright. But Sam definitely has someone, I bet you, when we get to the bunker tonight, he won’t be there.”
You laugh, “of course, he won’t. It’s Valentine’s, he wouldn’t want to be there with you being so loud.”
He pretends to be hurt. “Darlin’, if I remember correctly, it’s not me who’s the loud one.”
Shortly after, the waiter brings your food. A comfortable silence surrounds the table while you eat. Dean makes sure to tell you how beautiful you are every chance he gets. Moreover, he keeps the chat light and hunter-related free. Not only for the sake of whoever is listening, but also in favor of a peaceful, semi-normal date. Truth be told, you feel refreshed and a lot better. Maybe talking with Dean about losing people isn’t your thing, but being around him is.
You’re quite full when it’s time for dessert. Unsurprisingly, Dean orders pie. The pasty looks too good that you can’t help to steal some from his plate. He chastises you with an easy smile. Once it’s time for you to leave, he pays the bill and guides you to the Impala. He clearly is excited for what is to come, though he tries not to show it. It’s a no-brainer that Dean Winchester’s favorite part of Valentine’s is the sex.
Nevertheless, you have to hand it to him because he keeps his hands to himself during the car ride home. He kisses you briefly during a red light and that’s it. Dean Winchester is trying to be a patient good boy, maybe you’ll reward him for it.
“Sam?” Dean calls as soon as the bunker’s door closes behind you. When no one answers, he turns to you. “I told you he wouldn’t be here.”
You hum and take a step forward. If he’s not going to make the first move, then you will.
A/N: That is the PG13 part of the one-shot, if you wish to continue, click here.
#supernatural#fanfiction#supernatural fanfiction#spn#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#spn fanfic#spn x reader#dean winchester fanfic#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester smut#smut#dean fluff#valentines day
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