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sashi-ya · 8 months

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𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟐𝟑 DAY 9: BANKAI Kuchiki Byakuya 𝘹 𝘍! 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

Requested by: anon ➡ sashi my love! can we please have day nine with Byakuya with an afab reader, she/her pron? you are an amazing writer, we love u! 💗💗 tw: mdni. a first part of an old idea I had. If you all wish me to keep going with the story I totally will! I based this fic in an old poem I wrote called 𝑨 𝑺𝒐𝒖𝒍 𝑭𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝑯𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏. shower sex. sex with a "stranger". maybe confusing and romantic too. 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

It has been the same since you can remember; running away from those things. Monsters with white masks and a ravenous desire of swallowing you in just one bite.

You can also see ghosts. And sometimes, even some strange beings dressed in black uniforms with swords here and there.

However, your childhood hasn’t been easy. Being scolded for lying, and sometimes taken to the doctors because of your “wild imagination”

So much you’ve been scolded and bullied that you simply stopped alerting others about that “invisible” menace and kept it secret for yourself… you got used to, after all, to those monsters and how to avoid them… Soon, however, you learnt you can’t always win by yourself…

You feel it. You know it must be closer to you. At least one or two. Maybe a bigger one? Maybe a lot of them?

You grab your bag and start walking faster. With all your senses alerted, you think of the better way to get to a certain place in Karakura town; the Tsubakidai park. Somehow, when you get to a little old shrine, hidden behind tall grass you feel safe. It is always the same, you feel like you are lacking air and then pass out. By the time you wake up, there isn’t any monster following you no more and you are safe to go back home where somehow you sleep soundly feeling a warm mantle of protection falling upon you.

You can feel their stomps getting louder; you can’t act calm now; you should run to the park, as fast as you can. There are no taxis available, it’s cold, it’s dark, the night has already engulfed the lives of the citizens of Karakura.

Crossing the river, just a little bit more (Name)… you will be safe is you run through the bridge. But there is no time to do so, so your legs should get wet. The river isn’t deep, it only gets up to your ankles.

You keep running, taking a brief look behind you. Is not one. Is not two. There are at least, ten of those monsters. As if someone had put a bait to call them all to this damned town.

The slippery river bottom and your shoes aren’t compatible, and your knees hit the ground the moment you slip. You pray it should be enough, you are just a few meters away from the little shrine. Whatever keeps you safe will help you… right?

The claw of the biggest of them, with a scary white mask covering mostly of his “face”, seems to be moving in slow motion as you finally close your eyes waiting for your death.

“Scatter, Senbonzakura”

You open your eyes to discover the most beautiful pink rain of shining petals. However, those alluring sakura flowers cut the monster in pieces, with a violence so unproper of a blooming sapling. How could something so pretty be so deadly?

In between the blushing glow, facing the creatures, stands a man of long hair and white haori covering his black uniform. His hands hold what seems to be the hilt of a sword with no edge, and his impassible attitude before those scary monsters is at least admirable.

You realize that soon, your lungs are begging for more oxygen as that crushing feeling you always experience reaches you again. It’s both torturing, but also calming. This means, you will be safe...

But you were far from it, just yet.

The man turns around with a velocity your eyes can barely follow. His arm suddenly passes around your waist, pulling you so closer to him it even feels disrespectful.

When you finally catch up with the events happening, your eyes ease the blurriness to focus on the finest features you ever came across with. His sharp mandible, his deep blue eyes, the delicacy of his traits equals the fearless sight during battle.

“I am not sure how you are able to see me, but you must stay exactly this way. Or you will die” he tells you, pulling you even closer to his body to the point of almost nuzzling on his chest. With a big jump back, he gets out from the river and now both lay on the shoreline right under the bridge.

You blink repeatedly, you are probably dreaming. This can’t be happening, there is no way such a prince has come to rescue you.

His free hand have no rest, as uncountable numbers of monsters keep appearing. That’s why, you can see in his eyes he has determined something.

“BANKAI… SENBONZAKURA KAGEYOSHI”

The sword in his hand is now sliding down, as if he had let it fall. But instead of hitting the ground, the edge pierces the floor with no effort. Around you, enormous blades stand still, forming some kind of structure built of thousands of them.

Explosively, they turn to million of pieces. And now you understand that what looked like uncountable cherry blossoms were the pieces of those swords.

“I have a safe zone around me, and only me. Should you move away, and the blades will cut you with absolutely no mercy” he informs you, calm but dominantly. Perhaps there is too much of arrogance in his voice, but he is definitely saving your life now, so you must obey.

“I am not moving away from you a single inch, sir” “Very well. This hollows keep coming and I’m not exactly sure why. It won’t take much, though”

You hug him. You need to be sure you won’t move -or maybe it is because he is too irresistible not to do so-. And when you do, he gasps. It is as if both of your skins reacted in different ways than none of you were expecting to.

His gloved, refined hand, moves up and down in swift delicate motions guiding the petals and cutting the “hollows” that violently try to trespass the protective curtain of flowers around you two.

One of them seem to be strong enough to take the cuts, coming as close as possible to you two. Your protector, quickly covers you completely, as his eyes seem to have telekinetic control of the petals. He creates a wave so strong that a blinding pink light explodes, destroying everything once and for all.

When everything is over, the roaring sounds disappear. There is only the music of the river bubbling next to you and the panting of both of you.

You feel your shoulder wet, thinking it must have been due to your fall in the river. But a sweet look confirms it’s blood.

“Sir! You are hurt! Let me help you!” you desperately chime, when you realize his arm has an opened bleeding wound.

“How are you? Are you hurt?” he asks, calmly, brushing your question off. He is strong, surely. But you can’t leave him this way.

You realize none of you have stopped hugging the other. It feels comfortable, as if you have always belonged to his arms.

“I am… ok, sir… Thank you for saving me” you murmur, wondering if he is going to tell you his name some time.

He closes his eyes, and nods. He sighs in relief. “I’m glad you are fine. Where do you live?” he asks, letting you go for the first time since he arrived.

“I can walk by my own, sir. I don’t mean to bother you… however, being hurt… uhm there is a pharmacy nearby I could buy some stuff to cu-“

“I am not a human, miss. Don’t worry about me” he cuts you short, stating something that’s pretty obvious by now.

You nod and start walking back home, you are cold, trembling. You are completely wet, and the night breeze detrimentally makes it worse.

The finest white fabric covers your shoulders. Golden details hanging on each side and your eyes meeting his.

“Sir I… this is…” you try to give him his haori back, but he is not taking it.

“It’s just a cheap garment. Cover yourself”

You silently walk towards your home, with the scent of his clothing engulfing you in a delightful experience. It is soft and manly, and for sure expensive. You wonder what kind of being he might be, even if for you he could be considered an angel, a knight.

“Mh, you live by yourself right?” he asks, all of a sudden a few meters away from your home. How does he know? Was it him who protected you all the time when you ran to the tori?

“Yes… how- never mind. My name is (Name). What’s your name, Sir?” you ask, you at least wish to know who saved you.

“Kuchiki Byakuya. Captain of the sixth squa…” he stops himself from further talking. He realised you are just a human and shouldn’t know about it.

You smile. Of course, he is some kind of captain or important person. You, however, don’t mind. He is coming from another dimension, that’s for sure. No man looks as perfect as him in this world.

“Thank you so much for saving my life, Kuchiki Byakuya. Would you like to come in? If it’s not too much to ask, I would like to cure your wound”

Byakuya seems reluctant to say yes. Yet, he nods and follows you inside your little house in complete silence.

You immediately show him where to sit on your living room as you quickly go grab some gauze and some antiseptic.

Soon enough you find him looking at your television. He seems to be inspecting the appliance with great interest.

“Do you like me to turn it on for you, Mr. Kuchiki?” “Honestly, I have no idea what this does so I’d much rather prefer not to”

You giggle sweetly. Of course televisions aren’t a thing in his dimension or wherever he comes from. He is dressed as if he lived during Edo period, you highly doubt there is such thing as satellite television…

“So, let me see your wound please” you murmur, a little shy, with the curing supplies on your hands.

Byakuya nods and uncovers his shoulder, letting his black shihakusho fall down. Half his chest and lean arm flash beautiful pale skin with a scratch on it.

It’s no time to lust, but to act. He needs attention now.

With utmost care, you pour some drops of antiseptic solution over his shoulder. The liquid runs in form of big drops down his arm and chest, and he flinches before the subtle burning sensation.

“I’m sorry, Byakuya. I know it’s a little bit uncomfortable, but I’ll be quick I promise” you inform him, as diligently clean the scratch and the dried blood all around.

“This doesn’t hurt. I don’t need you curing me, I can do it. I am staying because I am still wondering why so many hollows were following you… and why you are able to see me… you are loaded with heavy spiritual pressure” he spits. He is for sure not a very friendly pal.

He keeps insisting with the fact you are able to see him, and soon you realize why.

“Sir, are you a ghost?! I’ve seen ghosts all of my life, but you- I can touch you and talk to you and… the scent of your sk-“ you stop. That’s embarrassing, but also true. You were never able to touch one of the ghosts you saw before.

Byakuya grabs your hand. You widen your eyes.

“I know you do. But I don’t know what changed for you to see me now and not before” he confesses, pulling you even closer to him. He is somehow inspecting something in you, you can’t quite see.

So, he is indeed the man saving you from the monsters then… what’s his motivation? Why he protects you?

“I am honestly glad to be able to see you at least Mr. Kuchiki. I owe you my life, not once but uncountable times. How should I repay you?” you ask, coming even more close to him.

Byakuya keeps pulling softly from your arm, his soft fingers tracing paths on the inside of it. Your legs hit his knees, it’s difficult to maintain yourself standing.

“I’ve been watching you for a long time, (Name). You don’t need to repay me. Please be safe until we found out what’s the deal with your high spiritual pressure… but I need you not to tell anyone else about this. Even if other people dressed as me come to talk to you, simply ignore them. Promise me you will”

You swallow. How many invisible threats have you been put under throughout your life?

“So, are you staying the night… Byakuya?” you ask, sincerely and shamefully. You don’t want him to go, and now you begin to think that every time he saved you in silence he probably stayed by your side all night…

Byakuya nods. He knows you are not stupid; he knows you know. He understands that tonight, more than any night, he must stay right by your side.

No words were said. He followed you to your bedroom. Because both knew that this haven’t been the first time…

“I bet you sat there all night, Byakuya…” you laugh, pointing at a chair you found warmth every now and then without nobody sitting there. “Or maybe in my closet…?” you joke.

“No, the closet is not my style. My sister’s, however…” he mumbles, with a soft smile showing in the commissure of his mouth.

A smile; this man knows how to smile?! Oh, how beautiful was that.

You giggle sweetly, as you scrutinize some comfortable clothes to offer him. He is still wet, he shouldn’t be.

“Here, this should fit. It was going to be a gift for my brother. But… anyway. You can take a shower, I will give you towels… you- can use my hairbrush too” you tell him, while lending him a pair of grey jogging pants and a white shirt.

His hands graze yours, and a simple touch makes you shiver; weak.

You indicate him to follow you to your bathroom. “Here. I’m sure you know how this works” you point towards the shower tab.

“You should take a bath first. You are absolutely wet. I just have my feet a little cold” Byakuya insists, almost whispering behind you. There isn’t much space in your tiny bathroom.

“Then we should bathe together” you joke, taking your hand to your mouth and laughing happily while opening the tab for him.

However, Byakuya has some trouble catching which sayings are simply jokes and which ones are serious propositions…

His delicate hands land on your waist. A jolt of electricity runs through your body, ending in a gasp coming out of your mouth.

He slowly turns you around to face him, committing a sin that nobody should learn about.

“I’d like to do that” he murmurs, as your back hits the acrylic shower screen and Byakuya approaches your lips with his.

You look up at him. He might have been watching you for a long time… but this is the first time your eyes see his face. Even if you tried to deny his presence every time you felt it around you.

Almost instinctively your hand reaches for his cheek, and somehow all of your doubts suddenly fade away. Whether this is real or not, safe or not you simply don’t know.

His lips crash with yours in a soft but needy peck. Byakuya’s body sticks to yours. Soon you two begin kissing desperately, lustfully, sexually.

It seems to you that the kiss turned liberating for him. Who knows how many nights he spent wanting to join his mouth with yours…

It doesn’t take much for his hands to finally undress you. Your dampened clothes falling to the floor, tangling a little around your ankles. His clothes, also falling to the floor. Those baggy clothes can’t hide the perfect anatomy before your eyes.

“You are beautiful” Byakuya mumbles, as your body presents in full display once and for all.

“I’m sure you already knew how I looked…” you murmur, thinking he could be capable of peaking through your shower during those nights where he cared for you in secret.

“I would never, ever, disrespect you. I never once tried to peak through” he confesses, perhaps even feeling “stupid” for not doing it.

On tippy toes, you plant a sweet kiss on his cheek. “I know. For some reason, I feel like I’ve known you since the very moment I was born”

Byakuya’s eyes get instantly coated with a glossy mantle of tears. Even if he tries to hide it, he is not really able to do so. And instead, he lifts you up from your thighs.

Kissing you more and more deeply, with the steam of the shower already replacing the oxygen in your lungs, he gets inside the shower with you.

The hot water rains on both of you. His raven hair, falls gracefully on his shoulders and wide back. It tangles in between your fingers that rest on the nape of his neck.

“I wish to make love to you” he moans, with lingering lips.

You sigh in response; you can’t even talk. He is a stranger and still feels like your soul is bounded to his… why?

You hug his waist with your legs, feeling his sex graze yours from how hard he is getting. He is holding back, just not to penetrate you right away… even if that’s exactly what you two are desperate to do.

“Please… do it now” you beg, kissing the scratch he got on his arm earlier.

Byakuya moves your hair out of your face a places a soft kiss on your forehead with his eyes closed.

“Yes… after so long…” he grunts, allowing his hips to finally impale you. While you didn’t have to wait, he did. But when he begins to move in and out, it feels as if you were pleading for this for an eternity.

The back of your head hits against the wet tiles of your shower. Byakuya’s sharp teeth bite your neck, your skins slap against the other while there is no space in between your bellies.

The more he rams into you, the more you carve your heels on the small of his back and pull from his beautiful black hair.

Byakuya grunts. You moan, loudly. As if it might be the last time your bodies will join, you keep connected until the hot water runs out. Orgasming, one, two, three times. And who knows how many more times.

Dripping, full of his release, he carries you in arms to your bed. “I can’t get enough of you…” he whispers, as he deposits you over the mattress.

“Then don’t go. Stay and love me more. Protect me, with those sharp petals…”

“This is gonna be the death of me, (Name)…”

(to be continued)

taglist: @miabiaria @carmenthedreamer @stygianoir @electronicwitchcollection @aizenwifey @deputy-videogamer @efrodd17 @mizugami @uzxotic @cyberdazetragedy @bookandyarndragon 💖

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isagrimorie · 1 year

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Star Trek Voyager 6x02 - Survival Instinct | Star Trek Picard 1x08 - Broken PIeces

Seven: When I was first assimilated into the Collective, I was a child. They were assimilated as adults. When our individual memories began to resurface-- Chakotay: Yours were of being a little girl. A scared little girl. Seven: I let that fear control me. After I saw the drone die in the swamp, I panicked. I began to envision my own death. Alone, without even the sound of another drone to comfort me. So I forced them to return. I infiltrated their left cerebral hemispheres with nanoprobes and created a new interlink network. One that they couldn't resist. And then I eliminated the evidence of what I had done. Chakotay: You were overwhelmed by feelings you couldn't begin to understand. You're not responsible for that. Seven: Because of what I did, they'll be forced to live the rest of their lives in the Collective. For that, I am responsible.

Rewatching Star Trek Voyager after Picard is so good because it makes the Seven-centric stories even richer. They were already good but it adds another layer to everything.

It also makes this moment in Broken Pieces even more resonant for Seven because she's not only assimilated people before but she's assimilated people who were trying to escape. I love how interesting this makes Seven's character. It's a situation TV Tropes call Ignored Epiphany.

It's the moment when someone who is on a path of redemption or enlightenment willfully ignores the epiphany to continue on the current path they were. But narratively, the ignored epiphany moment wasn't futile.

Eventually what happens is the ignored epiphany becomes a building block for when the real epiphany hits. Because sometimes epiphany and the choice to turn around is not just one moment, it's composed of several moments, and sometimes, people need the help of other people to pull or push them out of the current path they were on.

This is what happened to Seven of Nine.

Drone Borg Seven of Nine was happy to continue being a Borg and was proud of being a Borg. It wasn't until Janeway chose to cut Seven from the Borg and started Seven on the path of her own individuality that Seven finally understood the real damage the Borg has down to other people and herself.

And now that she possesses individuality and knowledge when she's asked a year later if she would want to return to the Collective given the choice and Seven's answer is a resounding No.

And then going back to this moment in Survival Instinct to the moment in Broken Pieces knowing the context for Seven now it's so much more poignant because she's done this before and regretted it.

I think this is one moment out of many moments in what she's done and made to do as a Borg that Seven will never forgive herself for because the moment with her three Unimatrix Drones was something Seven did herself.

(I do wish they let the moment in Picard 1x08 breathe more but time and production probably didn't give them enough time to do more).

Seven: The damage I did can never be repaired, and my guilt is irrelevant. I simply want them to experience individuality, as I have. As you have. At one time, you were confined to this Sickbay. Your program was limited to emergency medical protocols. In some ways, you were not unlike a drone. But you were granted the opportunity to explore your individuality. You were allowed to expand your program. Your mobile emitter gives you freedom of movement. Your thoughts are your own. If you were told you had to become a drone again, I believe you would resist. EMH: Yes. I suppose I would. Seven: They would resist as well. They would choose freedom, no matter how fleeting. Only you and I can truly understand that. EMH: Survival is insufficient.

#seven of nine #star trek voyager #star trek: picard #picard 1x08 #picard s1 #st: voyager 6x02 #voyageredit #picardedit #startrekedit #trekedit #thinky thoughts

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doverstar · 2 months

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reading your posts about your time watching doctor who reminded me of the first time i discovered doctor who, mainly, the eleventh doctor. i was going through such a tough time, and one day i just decided to watch doctor who to see what all of the fuss was about and started 'the eleventh hour.' it was pure magic to me. everyone has their doctor, and matt smith will always be mine. he was great! i loved how eccentric and warm he could be. i loved how he was just so sweet and kind to all of his companions, and i loved that undercurrent of darkness that was always bubbling under the surface of his character. matt smith was brilliant and i really, really wish they'd bring him back as the doctor in some way. i miss him so.

I so enjoy your blog and I was delighted to get this in my inbox. I loved reading this and picturing how you discovered the show; if anyone else wants to share their own DW experience with me, please take this as a sign! Commiserating over loving and missing the Doctor, feeling like he really is your friend (silly but true), is very cathartic to me. Nine was my first, and so was Rose. I didn't know anything about the show at all when I started in that basement bedroom, went in completely blind. I know what you mean by pure magic! I thought Christopher Eccleston would be the Doctor forever, and I was totally in love with him. I thought he was the reason everyone loved the show (I hadn't even seen Matt Smith's face yet, that's how in the dark I was at the time!). When he changed into David Tennant, I'll never forget how strong my feelings were. The revulsion and despair were huge. I was a lil teenager wrapped up in a zebra-patterned blanket downstairs, outraged that the 40-something with the big ears had transformed into hot young hair man. When Harriet Jones pleaded for the Doctor's help and Rose started crying in the kitchen, I was a mess. No television show that I can recall inspired in me such realistic emotions before Doctor Who, not like that! It took me so long to get used to Ten, and even now I still look at him and remember how hard it was to get used to him. Felt like someone had forced me to move homes or something. And when I finally got caught up to the show on live television, Matt Smith was finishing off his first season, and oh, he was so easy to love. Even as an adult now, his variation feels so safe. I love everything about him, the childish energy, the old man movement, the rhyming way he talks, and when he's angry, he reminds me of Eccleston. I'm like, That's him! That's the Doctor! I rewatch that era for Matt alone. When Clara looks at him regenerating and whispers "Please don't change," I cry every time. She's right. We were all saying it. Also reading your I miss him so totally made me stop and actually get emotional too - that says it all about the Doctor, about that time in my life (yours too, sounds like!) Eccleston to Smith. I miss him so.

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petruchio · 1 year

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after i wrote my thoughts on on lover and fearless, it made me want to dig into all the taylor albums, but especially the early ones, and really think through all the themes, the imagery, and the progression of the album. so i figured why not start with the one that started it all... the sweet, the lovely, the earnestly beautiful self-titled debut.

it hardly needs to be said what a masterful opening line tim mcgraw gives us, but from that very first moment, we're introduced to a lot of imagery that will return throughout the album. first, the stars: "he said the way my blue eyes shined put those georgia stars to shame that night, i said 'that's a lie'" -- we return to stars in "the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star" and "i looked at you like the stars that shined in the sky" (even referencing eyes that shine like stars in mary's song, "but your eyes still shined, like pretty lights")

eyes come back again and again too: "cory's eyes are like the jungle" and "look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky" also come along with the eyes we get in tim mcgraw and mary's song. and beyond that, debut is obsessed with not only eyes, but the very concept of sight itself: "i can still see you, this ain't the best view," "i fake a smile so he won't see/i can't even see anything when he's with me" "the only one who doesn't see the beauty is the face in the mirror looking back at you," "you can see that i've been crying," "trying to see through the rain coming down" (the last one also gives us the first of the iconic early swift rain imagery: we also get "but he leaves you out like a penny in the rain," "what a rainy ending given to a perfect day" and ""i'm taking pictures in my mind so i can save them for a rainy day," which also connects us back to picture to burn -- because the ultimate diss on debut would be to burn a picture; to take something that was once visible and render it invisible.)

(sensory experience isn't just limited to sight though. we also hear plenty of things on debut. we come back to the radio again and again: "someday you'll turn your radio on," "got the radio on, my old blue jeans, and i'm wearing my heart on my sleeve," "when he smiles it's like the radio," "i look around turn the radio down" "i've heard every album listened to the radio" and people are always saying things too "he said the way my blue eyes shine" "that girl he talks about" "he says 'baby is something wrong,' i say 'nothing'" "when we're on the phone and he talks real slow" "she said 'i was seven and you were nine'" "and he says" (in stay beautiful we get to see and speak in one line: "those pretty girls on every corner they watch him as he's walking home saying he doesn't know")

but the other side of all this seeing and hearing, all these moments that are grounded in reality and sensory experience, we also get the opposite. debut is an album that's filled with absence: the would'ves, the could'ves, the should'ves, so to speak. for all the words that are said on the album, there's also "no use defending words that you will never say." there's the time when you "should've said no." (there's also "the first date, man i didn't kiss her and i should have.) there's the unrealized fantasy in teardrops on my guitar of "everything that we should be," and the pain that comes with a lack of action when "you could've helped if you had wanted to." there's also the fact that "i know you wouldn't have told nobody if i died for you"

but absence also comes in the form of hope. there's an element of excitement for futures that are yet unrealized: "don't you know you're really gonna be someone?" "i'll be eighty-seven, you'll be eighty-nine" "and tomorrow's just a mystery, but that's okay" and the wish for the future that "when you think tim mcgraw, i hope you think of me."

the key through line in all of debut, though, is that it's an album about music. more so than that, it's an album about songwriting. it's a meta work. tim mcgraw is a song about listening to songs. teardrops on my guitar is a song about writing songs. cory "whispers songs into my window in words that nobody knows." it's only natural that we come back to the radio again and again: because this is music about music.

and so our song is the perfect closer for the album, because it brings all of this together. of course our song begins with "turning the radio down." we're turning OFF tim mcgraw's songs and and writing our own now. for an album about finding "a place in this world," about always feeling like you're "on the outside looking in," it's only natural that the conclusion would be to write our own song. it's taking ownership of the very thing we've obsessed over for the whole album.

the album ends with taylor begging us to "play it again." but just after this request, she leaves us with one last image: "i grabbed a pen and and old napkin and i wrote down our song." that's the funny thing about our song -- we don't actually hear it. what's called "our song" on the album *isn't* the actual song she's referencing. that's still an unknown: she's still writing it down.

at its core, debut an album of possibilities: places we haven't been, futures we haven't lived, and songs we haven't heard. it's an album that looks forward -- up to the stars, through the rainy days, and into whatever comes next. ultimately, it's a promise: play this album again, and next time, i'll write you an even better one.

#caroline speaks #taylor swift #uhhh anyway debut is a good album #im going to tag these #ts albums #are you guys even online. whatever #i said i wanted to write some essays so here it is!!#long thoughts

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chattingwiththelightkeeper · 2 years

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Vetting

I want to start by saying I apologize that this post is going to be lengthy and I am willing to bet it just might be longer than many here in the Tumblrverse will be able to make time for but it is something that I feel passionate about. A few months ago, a d-type in my region that was fairly active online on FetLife happened to show up in my news feed for being arrested for sexual assault on a minor and this must serve as a reminder to each of us, no matter what side of the slash a person is on, to make safety our priority. This caused me to think about the things I have learned through experience as well as the experiences of others about staying safe when getting to know someone new and I wanted to share this. Please remember this post is not about what goes into safely meeting in real life but the things to keep in mind to help ensure your safety as you get to a new person.

First, always remember that where we live can be a dangerous place, especially in the lifestyle. While this lifestyle has some of the most amazing people I have ever had the honor of knowing, I believe there are a few more bad apples ‘lurking’ within it because it resides in a dark alleyway off of the world’s well-lit vanilla main streets making it a perfect hideout for nefarious people. So with that in mind, ALWAYS keep this ‘twist’ on your Miranda Rights in mind every time you are interacting with someone who is not a trusted, real-world, friend:

“Anything you share, digitally and/or in person, can and will potentially be used against you.”

So often in the lifestyle trust is talked about and it should be because trust is important no matter what your relationship is with another person, from friendship to a full-blown relationship. It takes time to build confidence in another person and there is absolutely no way to skip the investment of time to build this. While you are investing time in a person, never forget Ronald Regan’s famous quote, “Trust but verify”. There are no shortcuts to verifying if someone is Professor Boyd as they claim or Bonzo who has stayed up long past his bedtime (Did you get this movie reference?).

The vast majority of the people involved in the lifestyle do not walk around wearing an “I heart BDSM t-shirt”, especially at work and around family. There are members of this community who are one hundred percent open but the vast majority of people wish to make it their choice who they share this information with. With that in mind (I am a member of the club where I decide who knows rather than telling the world. Yes it is the cool kids club and you too can join) I believe it is fine and dandy to be vague especially at first. For example, when asked what do you do? Please do not say “I am a computer programmer for WOPR Corporation and my office is suite 1632 in the Bruce Wayne Tower, downtown Gotham”. A better answer is “I am a computer programmer in the Gotham metropolis”. It is not rude to be vague like this in the beginning but until you start to get a handle on who you are corresponding with, the vaguer the better in my opinion.

While you are investing this time to build trust, I want to talk about some of the things to look for/lookout for:

Do not think something horrid cannot happen to you. It CAN happen to you – Are bad things more likely to happen to a submissive than a dominant? I believe that to be the case but just because you are a dominant do not think that a submissive cannot be just as deceptive or dangerous as a dumbinant predator. Evil lurks in the hearts of many regardless of role or gender. In other words, everyone needs to pay attention to even the littlest things from their new associate.

Consistency – Are their words matching up to what they have previously stated. Some signs of ‘trouble’ can be easy to spot, for example, they blow up your phone from nine to five (sing along with Dolly Parton if you remember that song) but when it is the evening they simply go poof. I am not talking about the poof that can happen to someone after a long day and they just toss the phone aside and collapse on the couch but a consistent pattern of refusing to engage on nights and weekends.

Verbiage – One of the biggest lessons I learned over ten years ago, was the word ‘we’. Listen for the word ‘we’ when you are getting to know a person. I will endeavor to explain better because all of us do ‘we’ things from concerts with friends, dinner with family, hikes with our dog but through my own very unscientific experience, those who are married or partnered (seeking kinky side action) will very often slip with their use of we. In my case, the person I was getting to know expressed excitement for the upcoming weekend because their kids were going for an overnight Saturday at their Grandmother’s house and they were having a ‘girl’s night’. When the conversation resumed on Sunday I asked what they did last night and the reply was “we met friends for dinner”. Ding-ding-ding, a red flag and so I said you forgot to mention you were in a relationship, and a few hours later the reply came, that they were married. No matter what words someone new uses focus not only on the words but on what you read between the lines. It is one hundred percent acceptable to read between the lines and ask questions about what you find there.

Ask questions – Never be afraid to ask a question, even if you wonder if it might be a dumb one. The only bad question is the one you do not ask. Speaking of questions, I feel it is fine to ask questions that might trip someone up. Suppose you were chatting with a person on Monday about their weekend, what they did, where they went, and all that goodness. I think it is perfectly fine to circle back to it later in the week and say “what did you do last weekend?” even though you know the answer (or at least the one you were given before). By doing things like this you are just subtly fact-checking and verifying.

The Voice AKA video and phone calls – No I am not talking about the TV show but invest in old fashioned voice conversation because any communication that is text-based means it can be simple, easy, and effective, however, actually hearing someone speak allows you to use another of our body’s amazing senses to pick up on a possible red flag. It is even better to do some video chats (even if you live nearby rather than just rush out to grab a cup of coffee), I believe it is best to invest the time in both voice and video chat before jumping to ‘in-person’. If you can talk for hours on the phone, then chances are you can talk for hours over coffee. If the person you are texting and chatting with refuses to have a phone call and video chat, it is a HUGE RED FLAG because they are HIDING something.

Whoa Nelly, Slow Down – Seriously, when we meet someone new and find them attractive it is easy to quickly become a runaway train on the track to eternal bliss. However, there are always many twists and turns on that route, so go slow. Make the time to discover if that train is safe to jump aboard before you hop on. If that person is the right fit, they will understand and support the need to be slow, steady, and sane. Additionally, the longer the length of time you allow for communications before a meeting will allow for more opportunities for red flags to bubble to the surface. There is no substitute for taking your time.

I want to get back to the saying of anything you share, digitally or in person, can and will potentially be used against you. So here is a quick pop quiz: What is the fastest growing crime in the United States? If you said identity theft, you are correct. Identity theft comes into play here because most of us are good people who believe the best in others and when we meet someone new, exciting, and of ‘interest’ we want to stand up and say, “I am who I say I am”. The bad news is that there are deceitful people posed to take advantage of that, so I want to talk about this.

There is the old saying, a picture says a thousand words and that is even truer in the social-media-fueled times we live in, so take a moment and imagine waking up one day to discover your friends, family, and your employer being told of your involvement in the lifestyle. This has happened not because you held a family and friends dinner to share it or brought in a few dozen doughnuts to the conference room at work then held a meeting to inform everyone that you love the lifestyle but because they all received friend requests from your new kinktastic and lifestyle centric social media pages. Oh, you say that you did not create that Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etcetera and you certainly did not tweet that gif of yourself trying out your new gnarly nipple clamps but guess what, your Mom, Dad, Grandparents, and your brother Brad, the Bible-Belter, now know all about your “alternative lifestyle”. Plus as a bonus, your gossiping coworker, Judy Judgment, has shared this all around the office with your manager, peers and made sure Human Resources was the first to receive this compromising information. How could this have happened you say? You were just getting to know this sweet person and well they turned you on so you sent them a few naughty pics of your naughty bits. Well, that person was not so sweet but was a complete twatwaffle, and for whatever reason, they created fake social media accounts to ‘out’ you. Oh, that cannot happen to you because you NEVER share any pictures that are even the least bit revealing and everything you share is Mickey Mouse approved. Sadly even just sharing pictures that have undergone the rigorous process of being approved by the mouse almighty, can still damage your life. Imagine if those Mickey-approved pictures are put together with a kink-based social media account. True there would be no titillating images but linked with the words of the lifestyle it can and will affect your relationships now and in the future (I do not know a single hiring manager who does not “Google” a potential hire and imagine if they found this faked/stolen social media). I am no expert on how to repair or fix something like this but I can imagine trying to prove to the social media giants who the “real” person is could go a lot like this: “I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady, All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating, So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up. Please stand up, please stand up? (Eminem, The Real Slim Shady). Seriously, the process to fix a fake account may not be difficult (or maybe it is) but the damage from this, even if the false pages exist just for a very short period, can be lifelong.

Over the last year, I am seeing more and more advice advocating for the sharing of driver’s license information. This sounds like a great way, especially if you are dominant, to show that you are a real person except for Isaac Newton and his darn third law. Remember, it is the one for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. A Driver’s License or State ID contains not only your date of birth, address but there is that unique number assigned to it as well. While it is true that this number will not allow a person to get credit in your name but there are dangerous things just your number can do for people. For example, this number can allow someone to say they are you to a police officer, “I am sorry I forgot my license at home but here is the number” (they will never pay the ticket(s) and leave you with an outstanding warrant), use the number to cash bad checks, doctor/forge a fake license with your name/number for employment, background checks, and all sorts of fun police-related things that are not fun. While it is not the Holy Grail, like a social security number, a baddie does not have to be Skeletor to cause serious harm with just the information from your license.

Another item I have seen a few times of late, and I am sure that those who are proponents of this are very well-meaning, is providing someone ‘of interest’ a copy of their background check. Speaking for myself, the more someone tries to convince me that they are something, the more it convinces me they are not, like the person who insists on telling you over and over how honest they are. Experience has taught me that the more someone feels compelled to share something like that, the more they are not truly what they claim to be. In essence, if you feel that you have to work to show me that you are trustworthy (rather than just let your words/deeds speak for themselves), the more I am going to doubt you. What does being given a piece of paper saying XYZ Incorporated is pleased to report that Jiminy Cricket does not have any convictions that XYZ Inc. could locate and is employed by the Disney Corporation. I am sure it is well-meaning but ‘retail’ background checks, the kind that pops up in ads online, often when you Google someone, have serious limits/flaws such as the person having been arrested but the case dropped, convictions expunged, and crimes older than a certain number of years (seven is the median rule of thumb but there is no national law or standard).

I am going to take a moment and look at one specific crime and show how a commercial background check can be seriously flawed. Within the lifestyle, this kind of wrongdoing is something we all need to be hyper-vigilant about and this crime is domestic violence. Since retail background checks are not going to include dropped charges, I want to share a few disturbing facts about domestic violence. First, some studies report that less than one percent of domestic abuse is reported to law enforcement (Sigler, Robert T. (1989) Domestic violence in context: an assessment of community attitudes. Lexington, Massachusetts: Lexington Books). As a quick aside, I hope that as society opens up more about DV, that more people may report it today but the percentage reporting it is still far too low. On top of the incredibly low rate of reporting, many of these cases are drop/dismissed. The number of dropped cases is alarming. For these statistical purposes, I randomly picked New Jersey, and there eight of ten DV cases are either dismissed or dropped according to 2015 New Jersey court data (Lowe, Claire. “Why 80 Percent of New Jersey’s Domestic Violence Cases Are Dismissed” Thepressofatlanticcity.com. The Press of Atlantic City, 11 April 2017). Using the example of domestic violence, highlights the limitations of commercial background checks and many people do not realize that most of the corporations that provide this service (the kind that a prospect would provide you) focus the least on the criminality of a person while hyper-focusing the report on a person’s employment background because this data is easy to verify plus it exposes the companies to the least legal risk.

As you are getting to know someone, it is also important that you trust what you are feeling. Since this is Tumblr, I do not mean how someone makes you feel sexually or if they make you feel happy as you chat but what does your intuition tell you. If in your mind there is a voice that is telling you to be careful, tread lightly or if you are a Lost In Space fan, “DANGER, DANGER”, then heed your head. There is nothing wrong with listening to your instincts, we come with them for good reason, so please do use them. So often we rely on other methods and discount our intuition but if your inner voice is giving you a warning, listen to it and take the appropriate action.

I know this ramble today has been much longer than average, but I wanted to share what was on my mind. Another thing about the extreme length of this may have caused a reader to forget is all of the above is about things to look for as you are getting to know someone in the lifestyle. This has not been about meeting someone in person. The meeting in person chapter I will work on for another day. Please remember to start safe and stay safe when you encounter new people because the only person who can keep you safe is yourself.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2022

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zhuoyiyun · 1 year

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Death in the parasocial conscious

Recently a K-pop idol, Moonbin, passed away. It’s come as a bit of a shock for me, because it was unexpected. It came up in the midst of a conversation between a friend and I— and when I heard his name, I got excited because I was hoping it was dating news. Well, I could not have been more off.

I couldn’t believe it. I’ve grown out of K-pop these past few years, and Moonbin are one of these names that float out of my realm of awareness. After all, he’s a well-liked person, with many friends. Namely, he was good friends with VIVIZ’s SinB, a person I happen to ‘stan’ to this day.

Since 2018, I’ve been aware of their closeness. They were childhood friends. It seems as if every K-pop idol has a designated friend or two they happen to name-drop whenever asked about friends in the industry, and for SinB that was Moonbin.

It was pretty unique, if you ask me. A man and a woman publicly being friends in K-pop?! That’s what made it stand out all the more. They weren’t afraid of interacting in public, either. So there was how I knew Moonbin.

Every few months when SinB and Moonbin interacted, I would search up as to what he was up to. He was in a group, after all, and had various activities here and there. Through this that was I how I got know about Fantagio’s troubles and the like, the company Moonbin was under.

When I heard he passed away, I couldn’t truly imagine it. I scrolled through social media, as do you, and looked through edits. It didn’t feel particularly sentimental. It was as if I simply remembered him one day, and was catching up. There was no tinge of sadness, or sorrow, or even grief.

This morning something changed. I was awake on TikTok, when I chanced upon an account’s variation for ‘Time Passing Through.’ It’s a song lamenting about how quickly time passes by, and how you can’t be helped but be carried along by its waves.

'Is this the end? I thought we just started. Your train is eight and your show is at nine.’

Funnily enough, that was when it hit me. Nothing could have been a more apt description for it.

I do not know him. I did not know him. Briefly in passing did I hear his name, and it was because of his activities. He had just posted last week. Last month he was in Manila, performing. This week he had sent a message to his fans through Bubble. He was due for a leg of his tour today in Macau.

Perhaps he was due for plans with a friend. Perhaps he was to celebrate a birthday, or had promises to visit someone. A short-term goal that will go unfulfilled.

Moonbin was twenty-five. He was bound for many years yet.

Death is abrupt. We like to illustrate it as a grand, whorling prospect, one punctuated by grandeur and long monologues. Detailing every single regret, every unfulfilled wish. But in reality it is simply someone ceasing to exist. You reach out for your phone, that habit of reaching out— and the one who would answer is no longer there.

Bereavement is an acute absence. What you have to do is to cope with the fact that they are simply not there any longer, and this is shockingly simple in concept.

What does Moonbin have to do with me? I am scarcely a fan. I knew his name, I knew his friends. That was it.

What I do know is that he was *someone.* I knew him for the people around him. He was someone’s son, someone’s friend, someone’s teammate, their colleague, their idol, their brother.

But, first and foremost, he was someone.

He was a fellow human being, wrought with his own complexities. Worries, dreams, hopes, relationships— no different from me, in this kindred experience. To me he may as well been someone I knew in brief passing, a person I barely knew.

Moonbin’s status as a celebrity afforded me this peculiar, parasocial look into this stranger’s life. How come I am exposed to all these small facts about you, while you it will be that you will never know my name?

To grieve someone I didn’t know. What a prospect.

Moonbin, thank you for being SinB’s friend. Thank you for looking after her, someone I idolised. Thank you for being there for her. And I’m sorry I had to hear of your name once more in a situation like this.

Tomorrow someone will think of you. Next week someone will think of you. Next month someone will think of you. Perhaps now they will recount you in sorrow, a face streaked with tears. Or years from now on, they will recount you with a fond smile, missing you ardently.

The world will continue spinning. Life will go on, just as abrupt and fuelled of change. Even so, the memories they have of you, whether one-sided or not, will endure. You will be remembered.

#moonbin

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skruffie · 9 months

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I've already been at the optical place for nine months?? I think my confidence in what I do has grown in leaps and bounds, and then just now while going through my tales from the clinic tag from LESS THAN A YEAR AGO there was something that stood out to me:

"At previous workplaces, I’ve always been able to easily make friends with coworkers but never really be in their little friend groups that get coffee or meals together (like if they’re placing a group order I’ve usually been excluded), but here during my first week the doctor was like “hey I’m gonna go get slurpees” and asked me if I wanted one and it took me like a solid ten seconds to turn and look at her before realizing she was asking me LMAO WHOOPS"

I am not surprised by this anymore :')

Sometimes I'll pop over to Jamba Juice for a smoothie but ask our assistant manager if he wants one when it's just us two on Mondays, or after a rough afternoon our manager will go over to Target and come back with a bag of chocolates, or generally if someone has too big of a lunch they'll start asking other folks if they want the rest. Someone will volunteer to go to the little local coffee stand instead of sbux and we all pass around a postit note to write our orders down. We're a small team now. It's literally just the manager, assistant manager, me, our tech, and then the doctor.

Like. While downsizing things since we moved I brought in a mug to see if our tech wanted it and they were like "I have too many mugs at home" and then our assistant manager, after I asked him was like "my wife will kill me if I bring another mug home so this will stay here". My manager is like "hey I have these two oil perfumes I'm going to bring in for you guys because they're just not my scent". The doctor does not hesitate to teach us something new about someone's prescription or pull us into the exam lane to check out images of someone's eye from pretest if there's something interesting. God jesus fuck writing this out suddenly has me a little scared because right now we are very close knit and feels like an actual team and it feels a bit fragile. We had a part-timer here too but because of corporate restructuring they asked if he could transfer to a store way farther away since they needed the help, but he took a severance instead.

Work dynamics are weird. There's always a lot of stuff like "any workplace that says that we're one big family is going to be very toxic" and I still do agree with that. This doesn't feel like family necessarily but we all work really well together. The other day I got pissed off when the doctor interrupted me while I was trying to pull someone's insurance info up so the assistant manager got it done for me since my focus died. Today someone was being really rude to our tech so I stood next to them and started answering his questions because they're not fuckin paid enough to deal with that. I wish that everyone can experience something like this because working is completely different when you have a team who has your back in a very real sense.

#tales from the clinic #it's 1 am and i am being very emo and grateful for the growth in my confidence this past year #love how i say we work well together but in the next moment say the doctor pissed me off #that's part of the team dynamics #i guess what's important here is that we also can get frustrated and pissed off at each other but it doesn't fester

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devicadaeg · 9 months

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Life: A Lesson from the Past

Well, let me tell you a story…

From the moment we begin making our own choices and trusting our decisions in life, we are already responsible for our lives. We were already molding ourselves to the shape we wanted. It is the start of our journey to self-reliance.

Before

I used to listen to my parents ever since I was a child because a good daughter listens to her parents, right?

Compared to our neighbors who let their children play outside even after dark, I think it is stricter at home because I have to go home just before dusk. Help at home, watch anime, do homework, and then sleep.

I don’t really remember playing a lot because I’ve been a babysitter for my two younger siblings from when I was nine years old until in high school.

I Began to Do Anything I Wanted

So, guess what during college?

It was liberating…

I used to stay in the city during weekdays and sometimes go home on weekends when free. At that time, I thought:

So this is what it feels like to be away from home. You can do whatever you want and be with whoever you want.

It was indeed a new experience for me.

After college, I was so excited to go out again. I wish to explore more, so I went and planned to find a job in the metropolitan area. Unfortunately, though I did not find one around the area I was able to get a job in one of the popular cities in the country. It is much closer to home.

Made Friends and Others Like Friends

I think it all started at that time when I had a great time knowing people. My colleagues were great, jolly, and helpful. It was my first time associating with many people, who were not all close friends, but it was a good feeling.

Though the experience with these good people did not last long, it felt nice and heartwarming.

Unlike the first working environment I had, in my job, I encountered new sorts of people. I’ve learned that there are bad people who have kind faces or what they call “two-faced people”.

I remember that I always had to be friendly and outgoing, and thanks to that, I learned some social skills. But honestly, it is so tiring sometimes when it goes way over my comfort zone. As an introvert, well, I did gain skills in conversations. Thanks to my extroverted friends, not-so-close friends, colleagues, and previous romantic interests.

Was Influenced by Others

I have been with all sorts of people for years. Although I used to choose whom I wanted to get along with, there were times when I interacted with others I didn’t personally know. They were usually friends of a friend or someone who had other motives.

Back then, I once spent life after work with friends, eating outside, sometimes drinking, talking about life, and many other things that you can call enjoying one’s life.

It only lasted about two years, and it was quite a ride, coming from someone who prefers being alone.

They say birds of the same feather flock together.

There is truth in this phrase somehow, although not entirely. Why? Because I have been there. And if you know self-restraint, no matter what people around you are doing, you will realize when you will want to say no and stop.

The best advice, however, is to choose who you want to be with. It was a lesson from the past and an unforgettable one at that.

Those with like minds who want to improve on their craft, and prioritize health, and those who only want for their friends’ success and support them. There should be love and care for each other, if there isn’t, maybe you have to reconsider spending time with them.

Self-Love Matters

You heard it right, and it will always be.

Self-love matters, in times of life crisis, when you know you’re going down the wrong path, you’ll know it because of how you want to stay safe and healthy.

It is for no one’s sake but because it’s for your own sake. You make decisions in life to make you feel happy, fulfilled, and satisfied. There is nothing wrong with it.

A lesson from the past and life experience is the best educator.

************************************************************************This is me:

#life lessons #aspiring writer #content writer #content marketing #digital marketing #seo services

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crimsun-n-clover · 1 year

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gonna be invading my dad’s business dinner tomorrow >:)

uhhh other shit

told my parents at dinner that me n sugar were more than friends but man i didn’t want to elaborate that much because the reason i never told them in the first place is because i don’t feel comfortable talking to old straight people about gay experiences. they don’t get it and never will so i don’t wanna put up with their shit.

i’m having fun on instagram. i mean it’s kinda boring a lot of the time but i really like seeing stories from my friends. and i also like posting them to brag about my kiddos, talk about band shit, show off my bastard son of a cat, and ask the questions i’d usually go shove down sugar’s throat.

i’ve been getting a lot of compliments on my battle jacket which is pretty rad. considering the insane amount of effort that went into it i deserve all the old people who go “yeeahhup i had one a those when i was in school wish i hadnta gave it away”

have i posted about the nightmares that i have every night? it’s really messing up my life at this point. i wake up every day with images of people i love dying burned into my brain. and then there’s the ones where i’m trapped somewhere, being hunted, being forced to watch someone die and not being able to help them, burning buildings, small helpless animals coming to me for help and dying anyway, watching after my little cousins and i can’t find them all once something bad happens, being accused of things i didn’t do and punished for it regardless, spiders, the whole nine yards.

i should start a nightmare tag on here but they tend to either be too long and eldritch to write out or so blurry that i only remember images and the fear i felt.

#dreams

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adventures-of-the-creeping-bam · 1 year

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NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY: THE ADVENTURES OF THE CREEPING BAM, BOOK THREE: WARMER - CHAPTER 9

If you’re new to the story, please go check out Book 1 first …

Book 3 Chapter 1 is here …

MPORTANT: Please note this story includes content that may be considered mature, such as moderate battle violence, some strong language and occasional mild sexual scenes.

If you want to support my writing, feel free to swing by my Patreon or Ko-fi.

CHAPTER NINE: GAEL

Lady Naru walked us out after the meeting broke up, giving Daste a particularly fond parting hug and kiss on the cheek before we left the chamber and finally broke the spell. The whole way down the stairs and out of the door she hovered close at my side, and she just kept firing questions at me. She wanted to know the most contrary things, I genuinely couldn’t work out why she was asking about these things, none of it seemed to have any import at all. She just wanted to know about me. How it had been for me growing up, what I’d been through in my training, and my adventures out in the wider world. The exact kinds of questions da always asked me when he returned to Bavat, actually.

She’s kind, and gentle with me. I found myself warming to her very quickly, something about her just puts me at ease, but there’s more to it than that. It’s taken me so long to work out how it feels to me, but I realise now it’s like I already know her. From somewhere deep in my past, before I was capable of remembering her. She just feels so familiar to me.

That being said, the whole time I could still feel Kesla watching the two of us like a hawk, and I knew she was silently judging our new acquaintance, deciding if she can be trusted. I’d like to think she’s just being protective, but the truth is this is just Kesla being Kesla. She really is incorrigible in some ways.

Personally, I just want to have this. I have no real family apart from my father, or at least I don’t think there’s anyone else out there, I never got to know my mother. Da won’t even talk about her, the one time he relented to my questions he simply said that nothing good can come from me knowing before I’m ready. I wish I had the first clue what that even means. But because of this I’ve always striven to get as many friends as I can, even though it can be a little difficult for me sometimes, I’m really not good at all that social mess, I just never got the hang of it. So I’ve got plenty of family out there, but only one of them is blood.

Sulin Naru is another connection to my past, someone who’s very close to my father. The more I manage to learn through inference from her own questions the clearer it’s become to me she really does know my father, so even if Kesla’s unconvinced, she’s won me over. I want to spend more time around her, as much simply because I really do like her as because she’s one of my father’s oldest friends.

Besides, she’s kind of fascinating. I’ve never met a real sorcerer, in truth very few have, at least knowingly, but thanks to my education I know a lot more about them than most. The opportunity to learn more from personal experience is too great a temptation for me.

After leaving the Transit House and heading back across the bridge, we went back to our hotel for the first time in days, mostly on the pretence of swapping out some of our old gear for fresh clothing and supplies from our luggage. Certainly it was nice to be able to change my own travelling clothes from my packs, and I needed to replenish my own components as well as help Tulen rethink her own gear in the face of what we’re now into, but we ended up staying longer. To start with, we needed to see to our horses, Kesla and Shay in particular giving some attention to their fearsome mounts, Trampler and Elder, who seemed to have grown lonely despite having been looked after well enough by the stable-workers. Then Art declared he needed a drink, which prompted others to admit they were hungry, despite the hearty breakfast we had before we left the temple, so we ended up taking food and a few pints before heading out again.

So now the afternoon’s growing long above us as we’re navigating the streets again, this time following my nose as I use the blood dried into my ruined handkerchief as focal point for the tracking spell I’ve put up alongside Olsbeq’s Awareness Augment. I’ll admit it’s been a while since I tried this, and I suspect I look a little strange to casual passers-by right now due to the components, but I’ve got more immediate concerns right now. Despite my own personal mastery of the mechanics of the spell, I have to admit Tulen has a good point with this particular piece of magic. It’s a lot.

After smearing lines of corn syrup around my eyes, ears and under my nostrils, I had to take a piece of raw cotton and soak it in castor oil before holding it under my nose and taking a deep breath. With the unpleasant medicinal tang of it in my head I summoned up the relevant sigil and spoke the incantation, then ran my fingers over the lines, mashing them as deep in as I could without either temporarily blinding or deafening myself as the charm took hold. I’ll admit having the sweet corn syrup in my nostrils easily drove off the unpleasantness of the castor oil, but it still had me blinking from the sting in my eyes while my ears popped as the spell finally took hold. Then suddenly I could see and hear everything. Or at least that’s what it feels like.

Most of the group look pretty much the same as they normally do, just in much greater detail since now I’m able to make out each individual stitch and weave in their clothing, every near-imperceptible line and wrinkle in their skin, every single hair grown from their heads. There are other, subtle details, though. When I looked at Kesla the first thing I saw was her strength, as if the latent power stored in her muscles was a palpable thing, just rising from her like strangely beautiful fumes. There’s something very similar to Thel and Dumoli, I quickly noticed, as well as Yeslee, although that didn’t take me by surprise after seeing it in the others.

Others were more interesting to observe, however. Krakka glows like a beacon, he’s entirely too bright for me to look at, and I know that’s the blazing power of his beloved goddess. Shay shines too, but hers is more subtly subdued, more akin to my own slightly pearlescent glow, which I know comes from her own half-elf blood. I know full well that I must be as brilliantly illuminated as Tulen, though, her magical potential ebbing and flowing much like the dancing auroras seen over the mountains sometimes in the Northern Reaches which I hear are a nightly event in Tektehr. In her case it pulses with the beat of her heart, and I’m sure my own does the same, although I suspect my own brilliant colour scheme is subtly different, although I hope it’s at least as strikingly beautiful. Since she refused to try the spell again she couldn’t tell me.

Lady Naru was, unsurprisingly, a bonfire. If I had any doubt before that she really is a sorcerer, it died in that instant. Her own power is no aurora, it blazes as bright as Krakka’s but with the dancing, golden fire of the sun’s corona. And while Tulen’s waves waft off her in impressive but ultimately lazy waves, Naru’s boil and flare with furious flashes like a blast furnace. I couldn’t make out her face in the midst of it any better than Krakka’s.

Big Man surprised me the most, though. I’ve grown so used to him as this dark, dull, cold hulk of impenetrable ceramic, the only real indicator of life his bright red eyes, but when I laid eyes on him after activating the Augment … he’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. His physical form is still there, but I can see that his hard, cold form is really just a shell. The real Driver 8 is the bright red fire inside him, which crackles and dances and spins with unmistakable arcane life. I couldn’t help myself when I saw it, the words escaped me all on their own: “Big Man … you’re incandescent.”

He looked at me for a long moment before replying, and I swear I could actually see his attention this time, I knew he was looking right at me now, looking me over, and something about the way his dancing fire seemed to spin and weave as he did it … I can’t explain it, it felt like appreciation, and love. For the first time I knew he cares about me the same way I’ve come to care about him. The rest too, I’m sure.

“Thank you, Gael. You are very much the same to me.”

Hearing that put the theory to bed for me. It seems this is very much how he sees the world too, so given Kesla’s requirements this was clearly the smart choice. So I concentrated and did the requisite fine-tuning, just like I always did back in the classrooms when we tried this, as well as in my examinations when I last tried it, and everything calmed down again. I could still see everything, and feel everything, and I hear things I never do with my normal ears, but otherwise it was mostly as it is normally.

Now all I have to do is focus, when I need to, and I can pick up on what’s going on around me, or I can read people around, me, pick up subtleties I would never be able to observe with my normal eyes or ears or sense of smell. I’m inherently aware of everyone around me, not only within my sight but beyond too, and with a surprisingly minor adjustment I can increase the range significantly. I don’t know quite how far out I can make this work, but it’s a fair assessment that anything within a quarter mile is conceivably within my awareness now.

Once she was assured my spell would easily serve the same functions as Big Man’s sensory abilities, Kesla divided the group. Putting Shay in charge of our group seemed to make Thel a little prickly when it became clear that means taking her lead from the half-orc, but she’s warming to the idea easily enough, although I think having Brung along for the ride probably helped. She also put Krakka with us too, just in case we do run into anything more than we can handle on our own, and I suspect she assigned Darwyn, Yeslee and Zuldrad too for the same reasons. I noticed Darwyn breathing a little smoother once she realised this meant she wouldn’t have to put up with her ex, much like last time.

Then again, our resources are pretty well spread out between the two groups now. Art knows the streets as well as his fellow thieves, and with Driver 8 watching out for them they shouldn’t have to worry about anyone following them, at least without them catching up on it. Besides, he can take on a small army by himself, having both Tulen and Lady Naru with them almost feels like overkill for inherent defence. Besides, if they are going to head into the richer quarters of the city, then surely the chances of them running into an actual fight actually drop considerably. We’re the ones who are actually going out looking for trouble right now.

Besides, we can still keep in touch with the others if we need to. Tulen promised before we parted ways that the moment anything at all happens on their end she’ll let me know about it, and Lady Naru said the messenger magic’s as easy to her as anything else. That being said, I find myself wondering what it would actually be like to try using that spell while I’m already in the thrall of the Augment. It’s perhaps not the most enticing prospect right now …

Stopping just short of the curb, I give the bundled cloth in my free hand a little squeeze as I turn a slow semi-circle and scan the broad thoroughfare ahead of me. I don’t see the others stopping behind me, but I know they do all the same, even the order they do it in as they note than I’m adjusting to the change in surroundings again. I can feel Shay shifting her weight from one foot to the other, regarding me for a long beat, and I can even sense she wants to speak now, even as I take in all the other bodies around us. Business is still in full swing so the wide street is pretty busy, but there doesn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary.

Finally Shay clears her throat and takes a step closer. “Um … Gael, you all right there?”

“Perfectly fine.” I breathe, thoroughly aware that I’m speaking at a conversational level she can easily pick up on even out here with all this ambient noise.

The way I can not only see the creasing of the little wrinkle between her brows but the muscles behind it is a little discomfiting for me right now, but it’s a more subtle effect I’m still a little lost over how to actually realistically ignore. “Gael … you’re walking like you’re in a trance, and your eyes are … gods, that is weird. Your pupils are dancing. They can’t decide if they’re going to stay wide open or tight as pinholes. And you look frightful. People are staring.”

Frowning and actually feeling every inch of my face subtly adjusting from that one movement, I look around again, and I can see what she means easily enough, as much feeling the attention of those who are passing us by. I’m drawing a lot of looks all right, but then with what must looks very much like fresh blood painted in smeared lines across my face I’m well aware of the outlandishness of my appearance. Even in Untermer I know this must be a weird look, even without the way I’m apparently moving around.

“Honestly, Shay?” I find myself forming the words without thinking too much about it, really. “I have no idea how the hell Big Man does this every day.”

“Because he’s a golem, Gael. He was built that way. He’s always seen the world like this.” She steps closer now, putting her hand in the small of my back, but gently, not putting any real pressure on me yet. “I thought you said you’d done this before, though. That you had control over it.”

“I did. I do. It’s just …” I blink, and while the act only lasts for the split of a second it seems to feel to me like it takes much longer. Oh, that might be the worst part of this, the stretching of perceived time in certain moments. “Ooof … um … oh, yes, well … that was in a controlled environment. Back in the Academy, in the classroom, or in the examination hall. This is … somewhat different.”

Shay’s frown deepens as she looks right into my eyes, and as she opens her mouth it’s worryingly like I can already see the words she’s forming. Like some horrible pre-emptive echo. “Do you need help?” She presses my back more firmly now, but I can feel every tendon in her fingers, the bones behind them, even the ridges of her fingerprints, through the layers of my clothes.

“No. I’m all right. Really. I promise.”

Stepping back as she breaks contact, Shay still watches me closer than a hawk, looking thoroughly unconvinced by my words. “Gael, I …” She takes a deep breath, then lets it out in a deep sigh. “Fuck. Okay, if you insist. Kesla put me in charge, sort of, but … I’m going to defer just this once, because you’re supposed to be the expert on magic here.” She sets her jaw, and I see the muscles shifting under her impressive cheeks. “Which way?”

Squinting now, I focus on the other half of the combined spell I’ve woven, and the handkerchief still gripped in my hand almost seems to pulse as I shift my gaze. I feel the subtlest throb behind my eyes, then I see that bright red line I’ve been following since I finished the spells shift. Curving right, down past two stores across the thoroughfare and then cutting into the alleyway just past. I start walking without thinking.

“Whoa, wait!” I feel Shay grab me hard, and it sets off a whole flood of physical sensations through me as she digs her fingers into my shoulders and pulls me back. Just as the trotting horse and cart I’d been fully aware of but somehow still managed to completely ignore as I focused on the path rolls right through the space I would have occupied on the cobbled street. “Gods, Gael, focus.”

“That’s just what I am doing …” The words are out without conscious thought once again, my reasoning mind still detached from my awareness, I think. Another of the strange side effects of this spell. “But thank you. That could have been bad.”

“No shit.” Shay lets go of me and I set off instantly, and I hear her muttering a slightly winded oath as she scrambles to follow me again. I can feel her frustration radiating from her like a palpable fever now. I can also sense all the others following too, and I know they’re just as concerned as Shay now, especially after that near miss.

“Shay,” I hear Thel muttering as she draws in close to her side, even though the low tone’s intended to be private. “What the fuck is going on with ‘em?”

“Magic. I don’t get it either, and I like it even less. They say they’re on top of it, though.”

“Seriously? You saw what just happened. They’re stumbling round like they’re being controlled by some crazy druid. They carry on like this they’re gonna get hurt.”

“I won’t let that happen.”

Thel doesn’t reply this time, but I can feel her frustration growing now too. Directed as much at Shay as at me, though, I notice. Chafing at the required deference, I think.

The moment I step into the alley the smell hits like a physical wall, trash and raw sewage and body odour. I pull the scent-portion of my input out as much as I consciously can as I start stepping gingerly, not actually having to look down to keep track of the cleaner, drier spots in the broken paving as I navigate the overflow from the badly maintained drains. I keep my focus directed on the path ahead as I lead the group into the next stretch of the labyrinth.

“Ugh … charming place.” I hear Krakka mutter from somewhere in the middle behind me.

“Welcome to Untermer.” Shay growls under her own breath “Again.”

“You get used to it.” Darwyn pipes up, and the amusement is clear in her voice, but I can also sense her more mischievous streak stepping up too. “Eventually.”

“I don’t want to get used to this.” Krakka snaps “Even the poor quarters in Tabaphic don’t smell this bad.”

They continue for a few more moments, and while it’s definitely bickering I can tell it’s relatively light hearted now they have something else to take their mind off my current predicament for a minute or two. But something else is starting to draw my own attention now. Not here, in the tight, winding confines of the allay, but ahead. In the more open space that I can already sense a little way ahead.

So I just stop on the spot, not really a conscious decision but just smart given the situation. Shay catches it quickly enough, of course, but I feel the message taking more time to travel through the rest of the group, so some of them come close to walking into the backs of others as we all draw to a clumsy halt.

“Um … Gael, are you –”

“Something’s ahead of us.”

The group falls dead silent at those words, and I feel several of them tense on the spot. Shay and Thel both reach for the weapons on their hips purely by instinct but don’t draw. An electric moment passes by, then I feel Shay step up close so she can lean over my shoulder, intending to whisper in my ear now.

“What kind of something?” I know she’s looking ahead now, but she can see as well as I can that the alley’s twists are as haphazard as any others we’ve encountered, nothing ahead actually visible right now.

That’s what Kesla would call a stumper, actually. I’ve been keeping my attentions trained for threats this whole time, and so far nothing’s actually presented itself, at least nothing explicitly dangerous. What I can feel up ahead … there’s no direct menace to it, I can tell at least that whatever threat there is here it’s not specifically focused on anything right now, it’s more pregnant with possibilities. A watchfulness, I suppose … of course that’s what it is. Guards. Sentries. Someone set out on watch. More than one person, I can feel now.

“Someone is … watching this path.”

“What …” Shay tenses a little more, I feel her grip tighten on her sword as well as hearing the creak of the tendons in her fingers, the subtlest creak in the leather of the scabbard. “They’re expecting us?”

“No, I don’t …” I concentrate a little deeper into what’s ahead, and it’s like a picture in abstraction forming ahead of me, it’s very strange. I can see the brick of the walls ahead of me, but somehow I can also make out what lies beyond, a small square lying between the crush of surrounding buildings. No nature here, though, just flagstone paving underfoot and some scattered man-made topography, looks like some tables and simple benches set out in the space. There are doorways in some of the walls, one of them currently open, and there’s a figure sat on the stoop, half in and half out of the entryway. This is the most watchful attention, I can see, but they’re not alone. There are three others here, two sat at one of the tables while a third is pacing idly in the middle of the open ground. None of these others look particularly alert, but they’re awake enough. All it takes is for one to notice you, after all.

This is … yes, this is definitely the place. As I push my focus a little tighter onto all of them, I can see they’re clearly of the same basic stock as the rest we’ve been fighting lately. The same makeshift leather gear and cloaks, the same borrowed or stolen Guild gear and weapons. As I push even deeper, looking past the man sat in the doorway – and it’s the strangest thing, I know right through that it is a man – I can sense they’re definitely not the only ones here.

The building in question is three storeys, somewhat slender but long so there’s room despite it being cramped. It’s all kinds of disconcerting that I can actually look through walls to see what lies inside, but more so to actually be able to make out the occupants too, although in these cases they’re more indistinct, mostly just vaguely man or woman-shaped blobs. The way they’re picked out in warm colours makes me think perhaps I’m seeing them through their body warmth, which is another strange and worrying thing, and I wonder if that’s how Big Man sees us all when we’re out of his direct sight. I try not to think about it now as I make a rough count but then the number just suddenly comes to me even though I didn’t actually ask for it first. Oof … I hate this.

I’m stumbling backwards before I quite realise, but I don’t fall as Shay just grabs hold of me again and holds me up. “Shit … Gael, come on. This cannot be good for you. Seriously, how long can you even keep this up?”

Blinking a few times, I finally just mash my eyes closed for a few beats and then give my head a good shake before finally forcing myself into a comfortable standing position again as I open them. “Oooh … it’s rather subjective, I’m told. It depends on the wizard, really. Tulen can barely handle it for a minute or two, after all.” When I look back at them now I’ve dialled it all right back so I’m seeing the group mostly how they normally are, but I still can’t quite escape the most obvious effects. Minerva … Krakka’s still a beacon. “I’ll be all right for a little longer, I think.”

“Bollocks.” Shay really doesn’t try to sugar-coat it this time. “Please, Gael. Just drop it.”

“He’s in there, just a little way down. But he’s not alone, there are quite a few more of them with him.”

Shay shuts her mouth a moment after I finish speaking, the words she clearly wanted to say dying in her throat. Instead her face darkens further as she looks past me for a moment, then back. “You’re sure about that?”

“Yes. It’s a strange thing, but … yes. I even know how many of them there are, just like Driver 8 does. It’s … I think I’m starting to understand him a little now. But I don’t like it.” I look at the others, seeing them all listening intently. Yeslee’s shouldered her way through the group now, stood just behind Shay as she looks right over her head down the alley ahead of us. I don’t even need to see her nostrils working to know she’s scenting the air now, I can almost see the air being drawn in through the flaring. “There’s close to three dozen altogether. The same kind of people we’ve been dealing with this past week.”

“Have they rumbled us?” Thel asks after a moment’s musing, looking almost excited now. Clearly she’s been pretty sick of all the waiting we’ve been doing of late. “Y’know, do they know we’re here?”

“Of course.” I can’t help cocking my brow at that. “Um … no, from what I can tell they’re pretty idle, actually. I mean the guards seem alert enough, but no more than you or I would be if this were just a normal day. I think. Um …” Faltering, I turn to Shay again, preferring the opinion of someone who actually has a tactical mind.

“Means they’re not expecting us, but they’re not being stupid about it either.” She strokes her chin for a moment , thoughtful now, then looks up at Yeslee. “What do you think?”

Yeslee’s brows shoot right up at that. She seems genuinely surprised that Shay’s actually asking for her opinion, but doesn’t actually come right out and say it. Instead she looks down at the half-orc for a moment, her expression smoothing out again as she thinks about it. “You’re the boss here.”

This time it’s Shay’s turn to be amazed, the way Yeslee said that was so matter of fact I know it was meant with the utmost respectful deference. She’s genuinely willing to go with Shay’s ideas since Kesla clearly thinks she can do it too. That being said, it’s not without precedent, Yeslee remembers as well as I do what a good job Shay did hunting us back in the mountains. “Um … yeah, cool. Thanks.” Frowning, she turns back to me. “How do we get in there, then?”

Thinking for a moment, I realise what she means. “Oh, yes. Of course. Entrances, yes.” I concentrate again, and I don’t even need to turn around, I can see the layout of the place again even though it’s behind me now. I’m trying very hard indeed to not actually think about that right now, I’m liable to make myself throw up, or something worse perhaps. “Um … okay, there’s the main one on the far side, but that’s not easy to access from here, we’d have to go all the way around to approach it from the street.”

“No point anyway, guarantee they’d be watching out from that way.” Yeslee pauses for a moment, still thoughtful, then looks up. “Oh, yes. Of course. The same way I would.”

“Why ain’t they picked up on us coming this way?” Thel’s looking back down the way we’ve come now, and she’s gripping the axe at her left side tight, while her free right hand just works on its own, clenching and then flexing. If they’re watching the front entrance, then –”

“I must have picked up on that without even realising it.” I shake my head a little, but with my eyes open it just causes everything to swim and jumble for a second. Gods … I shouldn’t do that again. “Um … I don’t know. As we were approaching, I was looking out for anyone actually observing us. I mean, more than just idle curiosity. Like watching with a purpose. I didn’t seem to pick up on it, but … I brought us in at a somewhat oblique angle, I think. I’m not sure.” I shrug, looking at Shay again as I sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe they just missed us.”

“You’re sure we’re not being watched, then?” Shay’s eyes are locked on mine as she asks, then she looks up the way Yeslee’s still doing. “There’s no chance they could be hiding it from you?”

“No, it doesn’t work that way. If there was someone observing us, I’d know it.”

“Is there a way in from above?” Yeslee’s question seems to stump Shay as much as me, I have to think about it for a moment, then my attention just seems to … it’s strange, there’s almost like a pinging sound deep in my head as I just know again, my attention seeming to home in on the answer. Minerva … I’m starting to hate this.

“There is. And there are two of them up there, watching out, although their attention seems to be mostly devoted to the front of the building. I think that might be why they missed us. It’s a lot of rooftop to cover for two of them.”

“That’s right, they should be more spread out so they could watch both sides simultaneously.” Yeslee breathes, finally looking down as she reaches into one of her pockets and produces her coiled bowstring. A simply flick of her wrist unspools it all at once, then she simply slips the tiny knotted loop at one end over the top of her bow’s stave and then upends the whole thing before bending it against her foot. The stave creaks somewhat and I know that she’s exerting a spectacular amount of force on it now as she bends the bow into shape, but as she simply pulls the string taut and slips the other end in place too she shows no strain at all. Finally she reaches into the pocket again and produces the two carved bone horns, tipping each end of the bow with the same quick care she’s shown in the rest of this operation. The whole thing can’t have taken more than fifteen seconds. “They’re not half so smart as they think they are, I suspect.”

“You’re sure you want to try this now?” Shay cocks a brow as she looks at the Fir Bolg.

“Best not to give them a chance to get more clever while we’re being so lucky.” She slips the newly strung bow over her hand and lets it rest across her back as she starts to roll her shoulders and picks up her feet. It’s a ritual I’ve come the recognise, she’s limbering up for a climb. “Can you make it up this wall after me?”

Frowning a little, Shay narrows her eyes. “After you? I thought …” She cocks her head and starts to smile. “Ah, yes.” She looks up again. “I think so. I’ve scaled smoother than this before. The drainpipes should help, anyway.” She looks at the rest of us, and her gaze lingers on Darwyn. “How about you?”

Darwyn’s not even looking at her, she’s just frowning upward as she takes the wall in. I follow her gaze, and my enhanced senses instantly start picking out imperfections, cracks and weak spots in the brickwork around us. Slowly I start to see what they’re talking about – these walls are sheer, but they’re also very rough, and there are far more handholds, perilously tight as most of them might seem, than I would have thought to just look at them normally. That being said, it’s still … well, if I’m daunted by a six foot drop onto a sandy beach, this kind of thing genuinely boggles me.

“Sure.” She shrugs after a moment, giving a cocked little smile. “Compared to some of the buildings I’ve had to climb up this might as well be a ladder.”

“Really?” I can’t keep the incredulity out of my face. “You’re sure?”

Looking up at me now, she cocks her brow. “Been doing this shit since I was genuine tiny. Art wishes he was good as me.”

Zuldrad snorts behind her, and when she gives him a hard glare he entirely ignores it, just smiling a quizzical little smile as he starts stripping off his gloves. After a frowning moment Darwyn starts doing the same. Seems he’s going with them too, then.

“Well … all right then, I suppose.” I turn back to Shay. “I can’t do this. You know I can’t do this. I’m bad enough with trees. I just never got the knack, it was very embarrassing for me when I was young.”

Letting out a little sigh, Shay just steps forward and lays her hand on my arm, giving it a gentle squeeze while she pulls me close until she can lay her forehead against mine. “Just breathe. You don’t have to. It’s just going to be the four of us, the rest of you are staying down here.”

“Brung can climb too, though.” Thel ventures, and when we look her way we find her small goblin companion’s stood at her side now, looking up the wall himself. “And he’s just as sneaky as any of you.”

“No, I want him to stay down here.” Shay steps back from me now, and I realise she’s not pulling her own gloves off any more than Yeslee is. Then again, neither of them have any fingers on their gloves. “You’re all going to be just as busy as they rest of us, I promise.”

“We are?” The words are out before I can stop them, the Augment’s still messing somewhat with my ability to differentiate between my simply thinking the words and actually saying them.

“Yes. You’re going to be the distraction.” The way she grins when she says that fills me with trepidation.

Thel, on the other hand, is just starting to smile again. “Oh, well reckon I can live with that. Long as I get to batter somebody I’m happy with this plan.”

Pulling off her cloak, Shay considers for a moment before folding it once and holding it out to me, but I really don’t mind. In truth it’s worth it if I get to look at her new armour.

Kesla insisted she should consider something with more protection than just the bracers she was wearing the other night, but I think Shay’s learned her lesson well enough after nearly dying. Instead she’s gone all the way to the other extreme – as soon as we got back to the hotel and had access to the rest of our luggage she went straight to her room to retrieve the new suit of armour she acquired from Hurrig back in the Academy in Bavat. She also rather sheepishly asked Tulen and I to help her get into it.

It was definitely worth the efforts, I think she looks amazing. Even without the Augment she looks absolutely beautiful, albeit in a rather dangerous way. The fine black scale-mail has the subtlest gleam, but something about it seems to let the light slide off of it rather than reflect too much, which I suspect is intended to add to her stealth. Hurrig was right when he said it should fit her, in truth it looks almost like it was made to measure for her specifically, the cuirass as snug around her torso as the sleeves and leggings. The pauldrons, faulds, vambraces and grieves, meanwhile, don’t so much bulk her out as simply compliment her form, and as she takes time to adjust the lie of her weapon harnesses I swear I can see the subtle shifting of her muscles through the metal scales. It might simply be another layer of the Augment, but I suspect it’s a genuine aspect of the armour itself. Either way, it’s quite beautifully made, and suits her down to the ground.

“Bloody hell.” Thel’s oath breaks me out of my reverie as surely as it grabs Shay’s attention. She’s looking the half-orc over with fresh appreciation, and as she starts to smile again she nods. “That is impressive.”

“Yeah, it is.” Darwyn nods too, although she’s frowning a little as she adjusts her own gear, having now shed her own cloak. “Bit fancy though, ain’t it? For what we’re doing, I mean.”

“Better not to take any chances if I can help it.” Shay takes a moment to smooth her hands over the snug scales covering her chest, moving cautiously down towards her belly. The armour makes the subtlest hissing sound as she does it, but to my ear it’s nothing more than the rasping of snakeskin against leather, there’s little chance of it giving her away. “Besides, this stuff is much lighter than it looks, and it’s got great flex. I won’t have any more trouble getting up there than without.” Stopping just short of her belt she takes her hands away and flexes both for a moment before looking to me again. “You should have worn yours too.”

“I’m sure I’ll be all right.” I puff up a bit, trying not to seem too defensive but probably not quite succeeding. “I suspect you don’t want me in the lead for this, anyway.”

That makes her smile a little, but it’s somewhat rueful. “Yes, you’re right there. You should really hang back, just be support for this. I doubt they’ve got the wizard in there, I imagine she’s still in that tavern where Kesla saw her earlier. Unless the orc’s in there I doubt they’ll even need you.”

“Please don’t tempt fate like that. I really don’t want to have to go up against him again.” I look up the wall again. “All right then, while you’re going in this way, what are we actually doing?”

“Well first of all I want you to give us all a refresher on that image you put in our heads earlier, so we’re sure who we’re actually looking for.”

I’m only a beat realising what she actually means by that, remembering that before I implemented the Augment and the tracking spell I had Thel picture Tog’s face from the other night in her head before pulling a copy of it into my own so I could project it to the rest. I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t be able to do it again. “Of course.”

“Then I want you to contact Yulen, let them know what we’re about to do. I doubt we’ll need any backup but it can’t help to at least let them know we’re about to do something dangerous. You know, just in case.”

I start to blanche at that, I can’t help it. “Oh, no, I don’t know if I can actually do that right now. Not while I’m using –”

“Gael, please just drop this stupid spell. It’s no good for you, clearly. We need you properly alert for this, and for that I want your mind clear. I can’t have you distracted by what might be going on three streets away.” She steps close again, and even if I didn’t already know how serious she was just through my current inexplicable way of just being able to read it her expression’s enough to convince me. “All that’s left for you to do is work out where in there he is and give us an idea of how many we’re going to have to fight our way through to get to him, then you’re going to stop it, are we clear?”

Frowning, I look at her for a long, loaded moment, then turn to take the others in as they continue their various preparations. In truth I’m not really sure that I want to keep the Augment up right now, I suspect I might be uncomfortably close to hurting myself from this if I keep it up. So I jut sigh and nod my assent. “Of course. You’re right. This is getting uncomfortable.”

“All the better, then.” Shay reaches out again, this time touching my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, but again I still feel far more from that contact than I’d really like. “Like I said, I want you to hang back, just follow the others in. Thel, once we’re in place up there I want you and Brung to go in this way. You just strut straight in there like it’s your business, while your goblin friend sneaks around them. Once he’s ready I want you to …” She shrugs, but she’s smiling now. “Hell, do whatever feels natural, I just want you to make a big racket and really get their attention.”

“Killing one or more o’ them guards’ll do that just fine, I reckon.” Thel’s own grin is particularly wicked now as she lays both her hands on the heads of her handaxes.

“Then feel free. Krakka, you back her up if she needs it, but I want you behind her anyway. Gael takes the rear, I don’t want them to jump in unless they’re really needed. They need to be able to call to the others if things do go south.”

“How much help do you think they can actually be though?” Krakka wonders, and looking at him now I wonder if he’s even at all enthusiastic about the plan. “They’re halfway across the city by now.”

“Yes, but Tulen can just port at least two of them in at a snap, can’t she?” Shay smiles down at him. “As I said, I doubt they’ll actually be needed. But a little insurance doesn’t hurt.”

Krakka looks up at her for a moment, then just shrugs. “True. All right, then. Is that everything?”

Shay looks up the wall one more time, then down the alley in the direction we all intend to head, one way or another. “I believe it is.” Finally she turns back to me. “Go on, then.”

Remembering what she’s asked of me, I take a deep breath and open up my focus again, looking past the rest and taking one last deep glimpse into this makeshift enemy stronghold ahead of us. Taking a last hold on that strange red thread and pulling it taut as I concentrate on our target, somewhere deep within …

TO BE CONTINUED ...

#never split the party #The Creeping Bam #the adventures of the creeping bam #book 3 chapter 9 #fantasy fiction #original fiction #original fantasy fiction #to be continued

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moe-broey · 1 year

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I'm usually like. Overly cautious about how much I share online and like maybe I'll delete this later but I had a deeply unhinged experience today and I desperately need to get it out of my system LMFAOOOOOO so I'm sharing some messages I sent to my sisters (they're currently overseas so. Timezones. Ect. No one has heard my plea) (yet)

Also putting it under a readmore for my own sake tbh bc I think I'll take psychic damage if. It's just rhere. Looking at me wheneve r I check my blog

But like the jist of it and true takeaway is that, I, extremely queer autistic guy, ended up having a very in depth THOROUGH conversation with my very Christian dad about queer identity, attraction model, the whole nine yards and I think it broke both of us actually

Like girl. Girl. Where do I even start here. Like unpacking any of this.

I guess some notes/clarifications:

> Penis doesn't equal inherently masculine I just flubbed the wording/represented the flubbed wording as it was in my text. I love girldick girldick is so fuckinh cool

> Maybe didn't explain my demisexuality very well either but half of that is a consequence of not being able to navigate it very well in the first place. To the point where I've actually gone back and forth on IDing as demi for a long time. Like maybe I just have issues and autism. It could be any of those things it could be all of those things LMFAO

> Feels worth mentioning when I say Christian I don't mean all Christians are like this. I just happen to come from The Bad Place. The shitty side of it. Unfortunate, but it happens. My approach w any religion/faith nowadays is to be as understanding and empathetic as possible. It's a bit of a personal thing for me actually, even if spirituality isn't for me, I like to understand why it is for someone else. It helps me understand that person, As a person, better. It can be interesting too!

AUGH. I'M. Feeling burnt again. But. I guess final notes for peer review:

> Was This Ableism when it came to my dad's attitude towards me or Is It Just Cause He's My Dad???? The desexualization of autistic people is a huge thing but also I am literally his offspring. It's certainly a weird area for anyone to navigate.

> Was This Ableism, 2!!! Or Is It Some Amalgamation of. Man I don't even know. I'm his youngest I'm autistic I'm afab I have a lot of things going on that makes it so everyone looooooooves dismissing me and invalidating me and saying I've been misled or tricked or influenced as if I can't think for myself or know how I really feel. I'm gonna puke about it LMFAOOOOOOOOO

All this considered, though, it is worth mentioning (and really, truly, this can be the hardest part), that despite all this. I am very loved. I might rag on my dad have some grievances but he does love me. Hell he even makes accommodations for me, like he literally built a door between the living room and kitchen because I was overwhelmed by the lights being on when he's cooking and the sound of running water. That's one example, but there are more I just don't feel like sharing. And I say being loved is the hardest part because as an autistic guy the grey in things I wish were black and white and easy to understand is my greatest enemy LMFAO

Anyway post over now I feel sick LMFAO my tummy hurdts 😢 SO SAD SO SAD 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

#alls well that ends well!#my sisters actually got back to me whem writing this out LMFAO so truly all will be well i think #still. if any one is comfortable sharing their thoughts if they have any i'd be interested to hear them #and if anything well! i guess i'm demisexual. like perhaps i'm comfortable saying that now. YIPPEEEE 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉#also hopefully making this unreblogable. generally my rule is if i post it i'm okay w it being shared #i'm always careful to include only what i'm comfortable with being seen by others.#but this one is fucked up and evil and is going in the dungeon. ☠️☠️☠️#man i wisg there was a string of emojis to capture that very specific feeling. like ☠️🔥☠️🔥☠️🔥🕸️🕷️🐀🐀🐀 <- EVIL DUNGEON #the rats and spider aren't evil they just live there. not gheir fault.#whatever. explode 💥💥💥💥💥

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bumbleklee · 3 years

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the first week

masterlist | 1k prompt masterlist | baby series

pairings: diluc, kaeya, childe and zhongli x female!reader (separate)

warnings: babies

before i officially start the series: if you would like to be on a tag list for this series please let me know! i didn't make one for the pregnancy series because it slipped my mind but i noticed a lot of the same people returning lol. secondly, quite a few people have sent me family/baby requests but instead of making them totally separate parts, im just going to add them into this series! so if you get a tag from me, your request is in the prompt somewhere (ex: @dragontamereg for khanreiah eyes) ♡( ◡‿◡ ) enjoy

diluc

If you thought one baby was difficult, try two.

And it didn’t help that you were still exhausted from the birth. Diluc felt like he was going into overdrive between tending to you and his new children. The first week felt like a never ending cycle of feeding, changing, bathing and sleeping.

Neither of you tried to be in a bad mood, but the sleepless nights and fatigue were catching up faster than you anticipated.

You had just laid down when Clara started to whine in the bassinet next to your bed. Her cries woke up Isaac and soon both babies were fussy. Your eyes pried open and you leaned over to rock the bassinet, shushing the newborn.

Diluc groaned next to you and sat up. He had dark bags under his eyes and his hair was frizzy and messy from not being able to shower in a few days.

“Can you calm Isaac down?” You asked tiredly, lifting Clara up and bringing her over to the bed.

“Why can’t you? I thought we said we would take turns,” He grumbled, though he was already getting out of bed and walking to the other side. You rolled your eyes and rocked Clara in your arms, brushing your finger against her soft tuft of hair.

“Because this isn’t something we can take turns at, Diluc,” You snapped back.

He sighed and climbed back into bed, Isaac now in his arms. The room was silent except for the occasional whines and noises from the babies. You had come to the conclusion that they just liked to wake you up for fun.

After a while, you turned your head to the side and melted at the scene. Isaac was laying on top of Diluc’s chest and they had both fallen asleep. Diluc’s mouth hung open and the baby snuggled into his warmth. You reached over to brush a lock of hair out of Diluc’s face, “My boys,” You said quietly.

At your touch, Diluc jolted awake. He was careful not to disturb Isaac, “Did I fall asleep?”

“You did,” You said, the ghost of a smile on your face. You put both babies back into their respective bassinets and Diluc lifted the blanket so you could slide next to him. “I don’t want to argue.”

“Me either,” Diluc agreed, wrapping his arms around you, “It’s just the first week. I’m sure it’ll get much easier.”

kaeya

To say Kaeya was attached to your daughter was an understatement. When you weren’t feeding her, Kaeya was tending to her. He held her close to him every chance he got, even offering to change and bathe her so you could sleep.

And he was so, so gentle with her. He didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much. You had gotten into the habit of just watching Kaeya. You didn’t know if you were ever going to have another child one day, so you treasured these moments like diamonds.

“Kaeya? The shower’s open,” You called out, twisting water out of your hair and wrapping a towel around yourself. When you didn’t get an answer, you raised an eyebrow. You changed into clean clothes and poked your head into the hallway to see the light to the nursery was on. “Kae?”

You poked your head into the nursery and stopped in the doorway, a smile creeping onto your tired face.

Calla laid on the changing table with Kaeya hovering above her. She barely kicked her feet, something she was just learning to do, and Kaeya struggled to get her legs into her onesie. “Come on, Princess,” He pleaded, tickling the bottom of her feet. Calla made a noise and Kaeya took the opportunity to dress her finally.

Once he lifted her up, he noticed you standing in the doorway. “Very cute,” You said softly, teasing Kaeya. Your husband smiled proudly.

“How was your shower?” He asked, looking for a pacifier to give to Calla.

“It was nice. You can take one now if you want,” You said. Kaeya looked down at Calla and hesitated. “I promise she’ll be here when you get out.”

You took Calla from Kaeya and brought her into your bedroom. After feeding her, you held her in your arms and she stared at you with wide eyes. Like Kaeya, she had his unique star pupil. Neither of you knew that was something that could be passed down but Kaeya was beyond shocked that it was. He wished she didn’t have it, saying something about how it didn’t represent her, but you liked it.

Calla yawned and you laid her beside you in the bassinet, rocking it before she fell asleep. Kaeya joined you in bed a little while later and rubbed his face against your shoulder, “I’ll grab her the next time she wakes up.”

“How did I get stuck with someone so wonderful?” You asked, throwing your head back. Kaeya shrugged and kissed your forehead before snuggling close to you. His eyes never left the bassinet.

childe

You didn’t know what to expect during the first week of Nikolai’s life but it definitely wasn’t a shower of gifts from your boyfriend. It seemed that everyday you woke up, there was something new on the bedside table.

“Childe, what are these for?” You finally asked after unboxing a designer dress that in no way would fit you now.

Your boyfriend poked his head into the bedroom, a coffee mug in one hand and Nikolai snuggled securely in his other arm. “Just some thank you presents,” He said casually, as if he wasn’t dropping thousands of mora with each gift.

“For what?”

Childe smiled softly and came into the bedroom, putting down his mug and climbing onto the next next to you. “For giving me this little guy,” He said quietly, “I’ll be eternally grateful.”

Your cheeks grew warm, “You helped too, you know.”

“I didn’t have to go through nine months of pregnancy and hours of labor, though.” Childe caressed Nikolai’s cheek and the baby’s eyes fluttered closed. “Do you think he knows we’re his parents yet?”

You stopped examining the dress to peer at your boyfriend, “Of course he does. You’re his father.”

“Yeah, but, you have a better bond with him. I’m just on the outside.”

You sighed and reached out to hold your hand over Childe’s, “He knows you just as well as he knows me, Ajax. You’ve been in his life as much as I have and you’ve been singing to him, talking to him and loving him. He adores you.”

Your words made Childe smile softly. Nikolai stirred in his sleep and Childe adjusted him in his arms. He was so small, so delicate, and Childe would never let anything or anyone harm him.

You snuggled back into the covers, exhausted from being a new mother, and Childe didn’t leave your side. “Thank you for the gifts,” You mumbled, your face half squished in a pillow.

“Oh, they aren’t done just yet.”

zhongli

Because of your traumatic experience in labor, Zhongli was being extra precautious with you. He didn’t like when you left the bed, even to use the restroom or grab the baby, and would much rather bring Jia to you when it came time to feed her.

The help was nice for the first few days since you were exhausted and sore but as time went on, you became ansty to just be a mother. It wasn’t like Zhongli was holding you back on purpose - he was just horrified that you weren’t yet healed from your traumatic experience and something could happen while you were up and about.

So when Zhongli ran to the store and left you home alone with Jia sleeping in the bassinet, you took this as your opportunity. Gently waking up the sleeping baby, you lifted your daughter into your arms. She snuggled into your warm embrace and slowly, and somehow calmly, woke up.

You bathed Jia yourself for the first time since she was born and afterwards, carried her to the nursery to change her into warm pajamas. For the first time all week, you were starting to feel like a mother.

“Why are you up?”

A voice broke you out of your trance and you looked up to see Zhongli standing in the doorway. He wasn’t mad, just worried, and his voice expressed that.

“You can’t hold me hostage in bed forever,” You said, picking Jia up and resting her securely in your arms.

“But what if it’s too early for you to do strenuous activity?” He questioned, frowning a bit.

You rolled your eyes, “Taking care of my daughter isn't a strenuous activity.” You stepped closer to Zhongli so you could reach a hand up and cup the side of his face, “Besides, I’m feeling much better.”

Zhongli leaned into your touch, “You’ll tell me if you need a break, right?”

“Of course I will.”

You made your way to the loveseat in the corner of the nursery and you sat down in it, enjoying the change of scenery from the bedroom for once. Zhongli’s eyes softened at the sight of you with the baby and he went to leave the room. Before he stepped out, he turned his head over his shoulder and said, “I’m proud of you.”

#diluc x reader #kaeya x reader #childe x reader #zhongli x reader #genshin x reader #genshin family #genshin baby #genshin writing #genshin headcanons #genshin x female reader

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messers-moony · 3 years

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Divorce 2 | J.P

Paring: James Potter X Slytherin!Reader

Summary: Reader goes through divorce with her arranged husband but sees her Hogwarts crush almost two years later at her Potions shop in Diagon Alley

Prompt: Holding hands while driving

After that moment in the Potions store, James came around a lot more, much to Leo’s excitement. It became customary for James to restock items or help brew potions despite his lower levels. Leo was ecstatic to have him around. The mischievous and playful James Potter always kept Leo excited.

James spent lots of time with both of them. Making sure they were both taken care of and loved unconditionally. Frequently James would stop by to make dinner for them while Y/n worked late shifts or take Leo out of the shop to give him an adventure. A year had passed, and James had a crucial question for her. The shop was empty, and Leo was upstairs - ecstatic for his new Hogwarts adventure.

“Love?” James called as Y/n stepped down from the ladder, “Yes?”

“Can you- Can you come here a moment?” James ran a hand through his hair as she walked in front of him, “What's on your mind?” Y/n questioned softly.

James was hesitant, “Move in with me.”

“What?”

“Move in with me, please?”

Y/n chuckled, flabbergasted, “James, that’s a big step.”

“I know, but I- I really want to be with you, all the time. I want to wake up to you every morning. I want to make you and Leo breakfast. I want to see you in a dreary state after a long day at work. I want to take care of you when you’re sick. I want to take Leo to Platform Nine and Three Quarters.” James swallowed, “I- I want to be the father Leo never got….” He murmured.

Y/n’s eyes turned soft at his muttered confession, “You- You mean it?” James nodded, “You want to be Leo’s father?” He nodded.

“I want to hug him before he leaves to Hogwarts all seven years. I want him to jump into my arms after his terms at Hogwarts. I want to watch him cause mischief and get those owls home. I want to write him letters to remind him that I’m here if he needs anything.” James’ eyes welled with tears, “I- I want to be there for everything.”

“I may not be his father biologically, but he is the closest thing I have to a son, and I’ll be damned if I don’t treat him like my own.”

Y/n wiped the stray tears away, “James, you need to understand that this is a big responsibility you’re taking on. You know there’s no one in this world I’d rather than you to be a true father to Leo, but I want to make sure this is truly what you want.”

“I’d want nothing more.” James swore, and Y/n smiled softly, “Then yes, we’ll move in with you.”

That night James, Y/n, and Leo were eating at the dinner table when James finally decided to speak up, “Leo?”

“Yes?”

“How- How would you feel about leaving this place?” James asked carefully.

Leo’s face contorted to one of confusion, “Leave? Why?”

“Leo…” Y/n began with a smile, “James wants to know if you want to move in with him.”

“Both of us?” Leo queried, looking at his mom and gaining a nod, “James wants us to live with him!?”

James’ features softened at the boy's excitement, “Only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to!” Leo exclaimed with a bright smile.

Leo jumped up from his seat and hugged James tightly, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

James chuckled and ruffled the boy's hair, “You’re welcome.”

Lots of packing came with moving. It was a lot of cardboard boxes. James insisted they do it the muggle way, wanting Leo to experience new things after growing up being a pureblood. James saw how sheltered Sirius was and didn’t want Leo to be the same. It was also the reason they took a car to James’ house. Leo was fascinated when he entered the back seat.

It made Y/n and James laugh at how the boy was so quickly excited. Leo always had a lot of energy and not many ways to exert it, but with James around, that energy never went to waste. James and Leo would spend hours walking around Diagon Alley or flying on broomsticks together away from the muggles. Leo would enter the shop breathless and hair in disarray. James not too far behind. It warmed Y/n’s heart to see her son so happy.

While riding in the car, James gently took her hand in his. It was a small gesture, but it made her blush. Leo stared out the window of the vehicle the entire time while James played music from the radio. It took about an hour, but eventually, they got to Godric’s Hollow. James parked the car outside - upon hours later, he confessed it was Remus’ car - and began putting the boxes in the house. It was about midnight when all the boxes were on the bottom floor.

Leo busied himself with an old spell book James gave him while the other two unpacked. Y/n was opening a cardboard box when two arms wrapped around her waist. Y/n rested her hands on his and leaned back into his embrace. James left a kiss on her cheek, relishing at the moment. His girlfriend in his arms and her - their - child on the couch.

It took a month to get everything in place. James and Y/n had settled in their room together. Leo had found sanctuary in his bedroom that they painted a deep blue color. Leo was always obsessed with the stars and constellations. Perhaps a gift he collected from his biological father. Zenix always had a way with the stars Y/n didn’t quite comprehend. James was always willing to listen to Leo talk about them, though.

Only days until Leo was due to leave for his first year at Hogwarts and Y/n, was wishing for more time with him before she had to send him off. She was well aware that he’d be fine, but it was still her baby. More often than not, she was still selling Potions at her potions store. James stayed home with Leo and took him out on adventures. But the week before Leo was supposed to leave, Y/n took off of work.

The following week was filled with school shopping, getting ice cream, exploring the muggle world, riding broomsticks, and playing board games. It was possibly the best time Y/n had ever had since before getting married to Zenix. Although marrying Zenix was something she never wanted, she did get something amazing out of it - Leo.

He was her pride and joy, so when they - James and Y/n - stood on the platform, Y/n felt like sobbing, but she didn’t. Instead, James was the one crying. Leo held his mom extremely tight out of nervousness and anxiety. Leo reeled back to meet his mom’s bright e/c eyes.

“You’ll be fine, honey. You’ll make plenty of friends.” Y/n assured, and Leo’s eyes welled with tears, “I’ll miss you.” He whimpered.

“I’ll miss you too, my love.”

Leo hugged her again. Y/n chuckled and wrapped her arms around him again. James stood beside him, quietly crying. Here he was - James Potter - crying over his stepson leaving for Hogwarts. He wasn’t expecting it, but Leo wrapped his arms around him too. He was quietly sobbing into James’ shirt. Y/n stood back and watched with a bright smile.

They pulled apart, and Leo’s eyes looked like an ocean with the glossy texture, “You’ll be okay kiddo. Raise holy hell for me, okay?” James chuckled tearfully, kneeling to Leo’s height.

The boy nodded and wrapped his arms around James' shoulders, “I love you, dad.”

Y/n was barely able to withhold a gasp, and James was sobbing, “I love you too, kiddo.”

The raven-haired boy pulled away and took one last look at his parents. Leo jumped on the train and quickly pulled down the window as the train began to move, “I love you, mom! I love you, dad!”

“We love you too, sweetheart!” Y/n exclaimed, and James wrapped his arm around her waist.

The adult male was crying with a smile on his face facing his girlfriend, “He called me dad!”

Y/n laughed, “I can’t believe it! He called me dad!”

“I’ve dreamt about this moment for months!” James laughed, “Is it everything you dreamed of?”

“It’s so much better.” James replied, kissing her lips sweetly.

Not every story starts great. Maybe you’re loved one rejects you. Perhaps you start a commitment with someone you never loved or fell out of love with. Maybe not every story starts excellent. But who’s to say you can’t change the end? The beginning of your account is just that - the beginning. James and Y/n’s start was dreadful, but they were determined to change the ending.

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sstan-hoe · 2 years

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𝙈𝙮 𝘿𝙚𝙖𝙧, 𝘽𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙍𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙤𝙢

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 — ransom drysdale x fem!dark!reader

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 — You loved Ransom and would do anything to keep him, but he didn’t love you as much however sooner or later he will find his way back...

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 — blood, death, murder, drug use mentioned, psychotic behaviour, 18+ only, ⚠️trigger warning ⚠️

𝙇𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙨 — Masterlist / I ain't doing taglists anymore this will be the last one so please follow @goldenthena-sstanhoe-updates

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 — Hello! yes I'm back again, this is my entry for @plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms writing challenge and I hope I'm not to late, this has potential for a part ii because I was had no idea how I should continue really maybe something will find me and I didn't want to keep it from you guys, *not my gif, reblogs and comments are appreciated!!! <33

Ransom was a piece of shit. Yeah, everybody may have already known that, and you did too but you couldn’t get over him.

The two of you dated for a bit over two years and it was relationship of love and lust, but what ended it was apparently you. Ransom said you were to obsessed with him and too possesive, jealous…. And that was why he ended things with you.

Short and painless as he said. Bullshit, a relationship over two years could not end ‘short and painless’ you told him that however he wouldn’t listen.

To say you were mad was an understatement, you were absolutly furious.

Ransom had thrown you out and now you were all on your own, luckily a friend of yours – Wanda – who took you in helped you back on your feet.

But still you wouldn’t let Ransom go, you couldn’t.

In your time were you lived with Ransom you obviously got a key and you still had it. The Drysdale boy had every Sunday a family dinner and if he wanted or not, he had to go so the house was empty.

In conclusion you bugged his house and put-up cameras so you could always keep an eye on him. You connected the cameras and bugs with your computers and could hear, see every little corner of his house.

After all the IT-courses you did pay off.

Now your weekly evenings looked like this: Coming home from work, making food and sitting down on the couch, opening your computer watching what Ransom did.

You wished that Ransom was as miserable as you were, but he looked fine, awesome, happy even.

Suddenly you saw how someone – who was not Ransom nor male – walking through Ransom front door, a woman with blonde curly hair and she barley had anything on.

Your jaw dropped, quickly putting on the screen recording. The two started kissing and shredding of their clothes. A disgusted expression painted your face when you saw their actions.

“Fucking asshole!” You shouted causing Wanda to run into the room, she feared you would have another break down however she didn’t know which kind.

You had to sides, the sad one where you would cry for hours and the one where you crashed the whole room in anger.

Wanda had her own experience with those feelings, like you she had those psychic traits maybe that’s why you two were such good friends.

“What did he-“ She was about to ask when her eyes gazed over your screen, where Ransom fucked the girl on the kitchen counter – exactly where he fucked you oh, so many times.

“Y/n…” “No, no he’s gonna regret what he did- nah wait better…she, that gal gonna regret what she did, Ran he is just grieving, and that ugly old hack is shamelessly using him!” You knew that Ransom would never do anything like that to you and the woman lurking in his house is a supposed help for him because he still wasn’t over you and instead of saying no that woman used it in her own favour.

“That hack is gonna pay for that, using a grieving man like that.” Standing up your feet dragged you to the kitchen. Opening the first drawer next to the door you pulled out a nine inch/22cm blade knife along with a razor sharpener.

Wanda who followed watched how you sharpened the knife with a sinister smile on your lips. “You know who that girl is?” She asked with a raised brow.

“Nope, not yet but ‘m sure Vis is goin’ to be a great help dont’cha think?” You asked popping the ‘p’ before giving her a cheeky smile. Wanda sighed in amusement, her boyfriend would help the you two with no question asked.

“I’ll call him and then we’ve got a body to bury.” Wanda mumbled while searching in her phone for Vision’s contact.

“I will try to get into Ran’s phone to see where she lives, every Wednesday he goes to that bar meaning that I will give our lovely Sharon a call and she will snack his phone away…” You trailed of as you focused on sharpening the knife.

“You think she will do it?” Wanda questioned with raised eyebrows, a mischief smile painted your before you enlightened her. “She will if she doesn’t wanna lose a finger.”

Wanda looked up at you with slight shock in her eyes. “Again.” You clarified with a wave of your hand. “Yeah, thought she only had four on one hand.” Wanda nodded along.

---

A few hours later the girl was found, the slut really had the audacity to go to some bar and hook up with other man while she had just used a sad, broken one.

The plan to get her out was simple; act as if someone harassed you, get her to pity you and then punch her unconscious before throwing her in the back of Wandas trunk and drive to a forest to kill her.

And the plan worked perfectly.

In the middle of the drive the girl stirred awake and hit the walls of the trunk while shouting. “Ugh, I hate it when they’re being so loud.” You complained. Wanda agreed having the same thoughts.

When you came to a stop, you got out of the car and walked around to the trunk. Opening the doors, the girl looked at you frightened. “Aww, don’t look at me like that, this” You motioned at the situation she was in, “happens when you use a heart, emotinal broken man.”

The girl seemed to remember what she had done a few nights ago. “I didn’t use Ransom, he wanted me, wanted to fuck me!” A sinister smile creeped on your lips as you gripped her throat.

“My man would never do such thing, but a whore like you would use any man to get sex.” Yanking her out of the trunk, she fall on the ground with her face first.

The girl whimpered in pain causing you to chuckle. “Whiny little bitch.”

Wanda followed you and took the knifes with her, as he saw her round the car you noticed she didn’t have gloves on her hands. “God Wanda how stupid can one be? How could you not wear gloves? What if they find the knife huh? Exactly you will be in jail.” You shouted at her.

“Give me the knife and go back in the car or you will know how Sharon lives with only four fingers.” Wanda didn’t hesitate to walk back to the driver’s side of the car, sometimes even she feared you.

“So now to you my dear…” You trailed of as you stepped closer. The girl who lost her voice again began shedding tears. “Oh, now don’t cry. I just want to punish you for your actions.”

That was parents did to their children, right? If they did something forbidden, they had to be punished, a day no tv or maybe no goodnight story…maybe even abuse them.

A smile on your lips made the girl try to crouch back, your hand reached out slowly giving her the impression you would caress her cheek when instead you punched her in the nose. The satisfying sound of a bone cracking filled your ears, letting you know her nose was broken.

A few drops of blood glittered on your knuckles, holding up the hand you licked the blood. Making a sound as if it was the most the delicious thing you ever had, “A positive…the best kind…” The girl watched you with shock.

“Nah I’m just kiddin’ I don’t know your blood type, I just wanted to freak you out.” You said chuckling at her reaction.

Noticing how her expression which didn’t change, you could also muster a knowing fear in her eyes. “No way! I was right!” A laugh left your mouth at the realisation.

“Hey!” Wanda called out from the driver’s side catching your attention, groaning in annoyence you turned around to see her holding your phone. “For you, your boo is in trouble.”

Instantly catching on what she meant you looked back at you victim, “be right back! Don’t move or you won’t have a tounge anymore…which would actually be a blessing given how loud you are.”

You walked over to Wanda who had the phone ready for you. “Y/n Y/l/n speaking, what can I do to help?” “Hello, I’m Officer Cooper. Your client, Ransom Drysdale murderd his grandfather and in his file is written you are his lawyer, is that correct?”

Ransom murdering his grandfather, sounded off but then again, he was in a relationship with you.

“Yes, that would be correct, has my client said anything?” You knew Ransom wasn’t stupid but therefor impulsive. “Yes, he admitted what he had done and is being questioned at the moment.” That stupid asshole.

“I want to speak to him right now.” You voice held a demanding powerful tone. “Yes ma’am.” The Officer muttered.

The moment Ransom got the phone in his hand and mumbled a hello, you started to shout at him. “You stupid piece of shit! How can you be such a fucking idiot? Do you know the phrase ‘You have the right to remain silent’?”

Ransom on the other line looked dumbfounded but quickly recovered. “My fault? That ain’t my fault! That st-,“ “no don’t you dare to curse or insult anyone that is either an officer or detective that is official insult!”

“That detective made me say it! He manipulated me into saying it and Martha that vicious-,“

“Ransom! Do not, I repeat; Do not say another insult or curse word you fucking idiot. I’m coming in thirty minuts and you better keep your mouth shut until I get there!”

You ended the call and Wanda could swear she saw smoke coming from you head. “What...?” She slowly asked. “Ransom murdered Harlan and admitted it, so now I gotta find something that proves he lied or wasn’t in his full mind when he murdered him, confessed.”

Being a lawyer helped you hide everything you had done – and your skills – because you knew the law by hand.

“Now imma kill blondie before I head to the police station and save my man’s ass.” Turning around you went back to the girl to kill her.

Pulling the knife out you kicked her in the abdomen causing her to fall back and in the next moment she had the knife plunged into her chest. As you pulled the blade back out it was covered blood, a few drops feel onto her white shirt before you stabbed her again.

“I actually wanted to do this long and painful so you would learn your lesson but Ran got himself in trouble. Shame I really wanted to make this last.” You confessed to her with a sigh. “Still that doesn’t mean I will end it quick…”

“…now I will tell you what is going to happen. I will stab you two more times, missing the heart and any important organs…okay that was a lie; none that will end your life in an instant meaning you will bleed to death, or I stab you in the heart? Nah too boring.”

Doing as you said, you stabbed her again. Lifting her up you put her into the trunk that had a trash can inside that was big enough for her to fit in.

“Hey Wan could you drive me to the apartment? Oh, and get the car after to Yelena she will do the rest.”

“Should I wash the suit?” Wanda asked while driving she motioned to the clothes you wore while killing the blonde. “Oh, actually yeah that wouldn’t be a bad idea.” You nodded. “By the way do have my blue work suit ready?”

“Of course! Since last week already, but you wore the red one with the black corset and well for court you always wear black anyway.” She had a point, you had probably around five black suits in your closet.

“Yeah, do you know what I could wear with the light blue one? That white turtleneck, do you think that would look good?”

“Absolutely girl, with the silver necklace and earrings that this one client bought you!” A giggle left your lips.

“That guy had the biggest crush on me bet!”

Wanda gave a laugh before shook flooded her face. “Wait! We forgot shoes!”

“Yes! How about the white stilettos?” “Yeah, they will be perfect.”

---

Walking into the police station the clicking sound of the heels could be heard from everyone down the hall including Ransom who looked up from the table he was cuffed on as you entered the room.

“I want to talk alone with my client.” You stated to the officer who immediately left.

You set down in front of Ransom with a glare. “So, what are we gonna do?” Ransom asked, did he really believe it was that easy?

You gave him a smack against his forhead in response at his question. “You admitted murder. Sweetheart you could get life sentence or even the death penalty for such an act. And the only way out? Either we have evidence someone threatened you to say it, or you prove you were under drugs and not in your right mind.”

Moving your body forward you looked him deep in the eyes, “killing Harlan…did I rub off on you?” You asked with a smirk causing Ransom to roll his eyes.

“Do you know how happy I was without you crazy pants?” He asked, shrugging in response you let out a giggle. “Yeah, blondie told me…but I know you are lying.”

“Blondie? What did you do!” Being taken back by Ransom outburst you began to pout.

“She used you! She had to pay for that.” “Oh god…baby you can’t do that.” He took your hands in his trying to convince you that what you did was bad. A second time you wouldn’t fall for that.

“I love you Ransom so I had to do it.” You disagreed with him.

“Now the camera will go out within the next moment, that thing has no tone and while it’s off you will take that pill the rest is on me.” The camera stopped blinking red and, in that moment, you gave him a white pill. It wasn’t dangerous it would just look like it.

Just as Ransom swallowed the pill the camera was on again and his pupils looked blown.

You smiled before taking his arm and dragging him out if the room.

“How incompetent can a police officer be?! My client pupils are as big as Kim Kardashians ass and none of you thought about taking a drug test? He obviously took something! What if he had it inside while admitting his ‘crime’? He is of unsound mind.”

You shouted when you stepped out with Ransom. An officer who apparently was on the case came torwards you. “Ma’am could you please-“ “No, you are accusing my client and given the evidence he is clearly free to go until a drug test proves he was in his right mind while confessing.”

The officer rolled his eyes, he hated lawyers. “Fine, but he has-“ “I know the law.”

“Get in the car.” You told Ransom once you two made it outside, the Beemer was probably at the Thrombey estate.

“What about my car?” Ran read your mind making your eyes roll and not answer him.

You drove Ransom back to his house, still not answering the question of his Beemer that he constantly asked. “Shut it! The Beemer is the least of your problems, you have a trial coming up whether you murderd Harlan or not.”

“And I want you tell me everything, everything.” You demanded as you sat down in the leather armchair.

Ransoms eyes scanned you up and down, even after everything he was still attracted to you and sitting there you looked like a goddess.

He sat down on the couch next to you as he began explaining.

Hearing his whole story, you had to admit his plan wasn’t too bad it just need a little bit of shaping, like how to change medicans the right way.

“Okay…lets recap. Harlan wouldn’t inherit you, his money and would give it all to Martha. What exactly was your plan if she was in jail?” You weren’t stupid, you knew what would happen if Martha was in jail.

“The money will be going to the rightful owners, his blood because Martha killed him.” So, he did listen to what you said all the time…

“And that detective, you hired him? That was really stupid however smart on the other side…still your plan wasn’t the best.”

Ransom stood up with a raging glare. “Oh, really? What would you have done huh?”

“Well first I would have left no evidence and then I wouldn’t be stupid enough to tell them what I did. To the plan, when you decide who is going to be framed for the murder you need a second in hand like Walt, he would be perfect.”

Ransom looked confused. “You see unlike Linda he didn’t build an entire business on his own and needs the money. He could have just lied to Martha and told her he’d give her some of the money when in reality he gave her nothing because she is in jail.”

“Why Walt? What’s with Joni?” A laugh left your mouth at his question. “She wouldn’t see a cent, Harlan would give it to Meg who can only access at eighteen. Yes, Joni could use that but that could cost her, and she doesn’t have the money.”

Ransom looked at you with unsure eyes as if testing your words if they were right. “What? Did you study law or did I?” You snapped at him eyes rolling.

He gave a muffled agreeing sound, but his eyes showed how pissed off he was.

“Question what happened to you being obsessed with me?” A scoff fell from your lips as you tried not to laugh. “I was never obsessed with you, I just wouldn’t let you talk to other girls who wanted to fuck you or let you go out alone because you know what Ransom Drysdale? I know you better than you know yourself and if I wouldn’t have put a leash on you, you would have run away.” You shrugged in response.

Ransom gave you a dry laugh. “You are a freak, you wouldn’t let me go out with my guy friends or even girls that were lesbians! You didn’t let me do anything at all, you became jealous whenever I talked to a woman including Martha or would always want to touch me, kiss me, just to mark your territory. You are a crazy bitch!” He was shouting by now and your patience was on loose with every second passing.

Standing up you walked over to him and grabbing him by the collar of his sweater. “If you ever dare to talk to me like that again you will have prison walls around you, and I will have to visit you for prison sex.”

You looked deep into his eyes before giving him a loving smile. “I’m in control now, I always was and don’t think that just because you could fuck like a bitch that I’m going to let you treat me like one.”

Leaning down to his ear you whispered. “You are at my mercy now, I decide what’s gonna happen next my dear, beautiful Ransom…” your tounge slide down the calve of his neck making him shudder.

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

Text

Bring Me Back

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Filming “Cherry” had its ups and downs for Tom. When filming finally takes its toll on him, you’re there to instantly bring him back from the world of Cherry.

Warnings: Mentions of drug abuse, PTSD, murder. A smidge of smut.

A/n: In honor of the Cherry🍒 trailer dropping, I decided to write this!

(GIF creds: @atealiers )

Any kind of project was a blessing to Tom. He loved being an actor. He was fond of telling stories through the big screen and got a kick from portraying many different characters. Acting was something he felt passionate about, it was his craft and he was very dedicated when it came to becoming his roles. Cherry was quite different from the other movies he’s been in. It was dark and contained many subjects like drug addiction, PTSD, and crime. The world of Cherry was something Tom was not used to; it was twisted. He hasn’t been exposed to things like drugs or the events that Nico Walker had been through. Which was why he was hesitant to take on the role of Cherry.

When the Russo Brothers approached him with the idea, he was excited. He was getting the opportunity to tell another story and would explore the world of a new character. Though the more he looked into it, he realized that maybe he wasn’t up for the role. Was he really ready to dive into the dark and traumatizing life of Nico Walker? As an actor, he was willing to take the job, it would give him an opportunity to expand his career and would possibly be one of his best work. As Tom, he wasn’t sure if he could handle learning or re-enacting the events that occurred in Cherry. But Tom did like a challenge, which was why he ended up agreeing to become Cherry.

He prepared himself mentally and physically pre- production. For research, he interviewed army veterans and former drug addicts to get an idea of what it was like to be in those positions. To get the look of Cherry, he did a variety of things. For example, going on a diet and losing weight, then gaining said weight again once they had to shoot the army scenes. Another thing he did was shave off the gorgeous brown curls that adorned his head. At first you weren’t too happy with his change in hairstyle, but later on you found yourself running your hands along the short strands of hair, loving the fuzzy feeling it gave your palms.

After the interviews and hearing others’ experience, Tom felt a level of responsibility to tell the story of millions of people around the world. Not only was it telling the story of Nico, but of other army veterans who suffered from PTSD and people who’ve had drug addictions. He was fully on board now and there was no looking back. He was going to push himself to the limit and to places he’s never been before.

Filming was tough. There were scenes he had to do that were so unlike him, that felt wrong, and sometimes he just had to take a step back. They didn’t feel right, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. This was his job, if he wanted this movie to be the best that it can, he was going to commit. Thankfully, he was working with the Russos, who he’s known for a while now. He was familiar with the two and they were patient with him, giving him the time to regain himself before shooting an intense scene. The cast and crew were very understanding as well, creating a safe space for him on set. Having Harry along with him helped as well, the familiarity of his brother kept him grounded and avoided him from falling into the void of Cherry. Though he had all these supportive people around him, there was only one person who could calm him down when things got suffocating on set. The only person he wanted to be in Cleveland with him but wasn’t. You. Since you had your own life and job, you were unable to fly out to Cleveland with him. Instead you stayed at your shared home with Tessa as company. All he needed was you when he felt the affects of Cherry caging in on him. Just the sound of your comforting voice over the phone could clear his head and make him breath again.

He had his bad days on set, where he would have to take a moment and hide in his trailer for a few minutes. During those few minutes he liked to be alone as he waited for you to answer your phone. The line would ring, it’d stop, then the sound of your sweet voice would be the only thing he’d hear. Sometimes you didn’t answer the first time, but nonetheless you answered eventually. It wasn’t the same as having you with him in person, you had your responsibilities, and he understood that. He just wished that one day you’d come to Cleveland. He wanted to be in your arms, stuff his face into your neck, breath in your familiar scent, he just wanted to feel you. You were his home. His safe haven. And it was all he wanted right now.

•

Glancing at your phone, you wondered why Tom hasn’t texted you yet. Not that you were itching for him to text you, but because around this time he would be blowing up your phone telling you things that happened during filming or how his day was going. You decided that filming probably went into overtime making him busy during his break. You shrug to yourself and continue working on your laptop.

You hear the sound of Tessa’s nails clicking against the floors as she enters the office of your home. You greet her with a smile as she settles herself beside your legs.

“Is it dinner time already, Tess?” You scratch her head as you glance at the time on your screen. It was currently nine at night, a bit late for dinner, but you haven’t noticed.

“Just give me five more minutes and I’ll get us dinner. How does that sound, love?” A somewhat sound of approval emits from Tessa. You get back to work, fingers typing away as you finish off the last of your work.

You finish in four minutes, finally satisfied with your work. You let out a content sigh and turn your laptop off. When you get up you stretch and let your bones crack after being in the same position for hours. Tessa joins you, stretching out her front paws then shaking her body out. You chuckle as you lead the way to the kitchen. Taking the scoop for Tessa’s kibble, you fill her bowl up, causing the dog to look up in curiosity. Once you placed the bowl down, her tail wagged wildly as she stuffed her face into her food.

You decided on going for something simple, ramen noodles. You were too tired too cook anything and ramen noodles were the quickest thing to cook in your pantry. While you waited for the noodles to heat up you checked your phone. You went through your notifications, but there were still no texts from Tom. Though you were concerned, you assumed that they had a long shooting day, making him too busy to text.

Hi love! I hope you’re doing well in Cleveland. I know you’re probably busy, but hopefully filming isn’t tiring you out too much. Have an amazing day! Don’t forget to drink some water from time to time and eat :) Tess and I miss you and love you so much! Talk soon xxx

You send the text with a smile. He won’t read it till he was free or done with filming, but you knew he’d see the message while you were asleep.

The microwave beeps, letting you know that your food was done. You end your night catching up on episodes of New Girl and eating soup. When you were done you did your nightly routine and settled in bed. You turn the lights off and snuggled under the warm sheets.

“Night Tessa.” You whisper to her. A huff comes out of her as she makes herself comfortable on the foot of your bed. When the both of you were settled, you slowly drifted off to sleep.

Buzz

The harsh vibrations of your phone shook you awake. Desperate for sleep, you blindly grab your phone and turn it off. Silence fills the room again as you turn around to stuff your face into Tom’s pillow. You were slowly drifting back to sleep when your phone began to vibrate again. With a groan you stretch back and snatch for phone off the night stand. You don’t bother looking at the caller id.

“Hello?” Your voice rasps out.

“Thank God you answered.” The person on the other line said. “I know you’re busy, but how soon can you visit Cleveland?” The deep voice was belonged to Harry.

“Uh—I’m not too sure, I’ll need to check in with my boss.” You reply. When you start feeling more awake you become curious as to why Harry can be calling you. “Why? Is everything ok? How’s Tom? I haven’t heard from him all day.”

The younger Holland sighs. He takes a moment to answer your questions making you suffer in silence, wondering what could have happened to your boyfriend. “Um, they’ve been shooting some intense scenes lately. Tom’s been trying his best but everyone’s noticed that he’s been a bit different.”

You sit up in bed feeling more awake. “What do you mean by different, Haz?”

“Well he’s snapped at the Russos quite a few times. There was this one scene, that they shot multiple times, and Tom would just break down after every one. (Y/n), I’m concerned for my brother, I don’t know what else to do. He’s locked himself in his room after every shoot. A—and I don’t know. I’ve tried to tell him that he can talk to me but he wouldn’t.” Harry explained, his voice croaked. You heart felt heavy for him. Harry was always there for his older brother, so to see him feel so helpless made you feel sorry.

“Haz, calm down, you know how your brother can get. How long has this been happening?”

Harry sniffed over the phone, “About a few weeks now. It’s only started becoming worse last week and now.”

The concern you felt for Tom grew. From what he’s been texting you, filming had been going great. He appeared happy on your FaceTime calls and sounded like his usual self. But maybe he actually wasn’t.

“Harry everything’s gonna be fine, alright?” You assure him. “I’ll call my boss first thing in the morning and when I get the ‘ok’ to leave I’ll get the first flight out to Cleveland. How’s that sound?”

“It sounds good. Can you tell me if you can make it? I’ll have someone come with me to pick you up at the airport.” His voice is quiet, almost muffled.

“Yeah I will, don’t worry.”

“Ok, thank you (y/n).” A small smile forms on your lips. You rub the sleep out your eyes as you glance at your closet. “Alright Haz, I’m gonna go now. But if there’s anything else, just text me or call.”

“I know, stay safe (y/n).” You bid him goodbye and place your phone on the empty space beside your side of the bed. Tom’s side of the bed. You bite your lip in thought as you worry about your boyfriend. You knew he was doing almost everything he can to make sure the movie came out perfect. If that meant shredding himself emotionally and physically, he was going to do it. Tom was dedicated to his work, but he’s never done anything close to Cherry, making you worried about the thoughts that could possibly be going through your lover’s head.

Tessa, who’s now woken up, waddles closer to you, sensing your uneasiness. You appreciate the dog’s gesture and pull her into your side, resting your chin on her head. You were basically sleepless the whole night. Although you haven’t emailed your boss yet, you already had a suitcase packed of your clothes. Your passport and other important belongings were already in a bag, ready to leave London.

The morning had been hectic. You’ve managed to get two hours of sleep, waking up at six in the morning. Still in bed, you sent your boss an email about a family emergency and how you needed to be out of the country for at least a week. As if the gods above knew of your situation, your boss willingly let you go, no questions asked and gave you well wishes. With that out the way, you scowered the Internet for flights to Cleveland. Luck was on your side that morning because you’ve booked a flight that took off in the afternoon. With your bags packed, you drove to Nikki and Dom’s to drop off Tessa.

Now all checked in, you were at Heathrow Airport waiting to be called for your flight. You were sat at your gate, with an iced coffee and a croissant from Starbucks, texting Harry. The two of you were discussing the time you’d arrive and how he’d pick you up. When you were both in agreement, you two decided to catch up. He had been in Tom’s trailer eating his breakfast. An hour passes and you were being called to board the plane.

You settle in your seat, but your leg bounced in anticipation. After the things Harry told you, you just wanted to have your boyfriend in your arms. You knew everything was probably getting to his head, all you wanted to do was hold him and tell him that he was going to be ok. As the plane began to take off, your lack of sleep caught up on you. Throughout the whole flight, you slept soundly, the worries of Tom subsiding for the time being.

~🛬~

The plane lands in Cleveland safely. It was night when you arrived. With your bags, you looked around the airport for a familiar curly haired boy. Harry waves wildly at you before running and pulling you into a tight hug. You laugh wrapping your arms around the slender boy.

“How’s your day been, Haz?” You ruffle his hair as he rolls your suitcase to the parking lot. He shrugs, “The usual. Was on set with Tom, ran around and got things for him, nothing much happened honestly. But you’re here now, so this is the highlight of my night.”

The two of you approach a black car with a driver inside, Harry motions for him to unlock the trunk. He lifts your case in before the two of you get into the backseat.

“How was your flight?” Harry asks you. The car began to move, exiting the airport and entering the highway.

“I slept through all of it, I don’t remember a thing about the flight besides getting on and off it.” You chuckle, leaning your head back against the headrest.

Harry nudges your shoulder, “Thanks for coming out with such short notice.” You wave him off. “It’s no worries, anything for my boys.”

The car is quiet, the only sounds that could be heard is the car’s wheels against the pavement. You turn to Harry, “How was he today?”

“He was pretty good in the morning.” Harry started. “Then filming started and he would grow frustrated after a few scenes. His temper’s been short. He snapped at me during lunch, which is normal, but I just asked him if he wanted some water. He broke down after a certain scene today, I tried talking to him but he still wouldn’t open up about it.” Tom wasn’t too open about his feelings sometimes. He struggled to voice them at times making all his frustrations and feelings bottled up in his head.

Half an hour later and you guys arrive at Tom’s rented home in Atlanta. As soon as you opened the door, you felt the heavy atmosphere. It was somber and tense, the chilliness of the weather also felt inside the house. Harry gestures up the stairs, “Don’t worry, go see him. His room is the first door on the left.”

You quietly thank him and climb up the stairs. You find his door, taking a deep breath before knocking. You hear some shuffling behind the door, “Harry I’m fine! Leave me alone!” His voice was deep, a bit scratchy. You frown at the door.

“Tom?” The room falls quiet. Suddenly you hear fumbling and the sound of heavy footsteps behind the door. The door opens and you finally see him. He was dressed in a large shirt with sweatpants. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes, eyes glassy, and chapped lips.

“(Y/n)? You’re here?” He asks you in disbelief. A tight lipped grin forms on your lips.

“Yeah, Har—“ You were going to explain how you got there but he immediately threw himself at you. His arms wrap tightly around your figure, his head dipped into your neck, pulling your closer into him. One of your arms go around his neck while the other rubs his back soothingly. A whimper bubbles out of him, his shoulders beginning to shake. You managed to shuffle the both of you back into his room, closing the door behind you.

“You’re ok.” You whisper into his ear, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. His grip around you never falters. Though he was much taller than you, he seemed so small at the moment. His body drowned in the shirt he wore, making him look thinner. You feel tears soaking into your shirt, making your heart clench in pain. You rest your forehead against his shoulder, holding and whispering sweet nothings into his ear until he was ready to speak.

A few minutes pass until his removes his head from your neck. You frown at his tear stained face, his eyes and cheeks red from quietly sobbing into your shoulder. Your hands cup his face, wiping the trails of tears on his cheeks. Tom leans closer to your touch, his eyes shut while his lips kiss your palm.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably tired from the flight.” He apologizes but you shake your head. You lead him to his bed and sit against the headboard. Tom follows in suit, desperately trying to get closer to you. His arms wrap around your torso, his head rests on your chest, while your legs tangle themselves together.

“I’ve had plenty of sleep on the flight, how are you?” Your lips are against his short hair from holding him so close. You nails scratch softly at his hair, calming him down.

“I don’t know if I could finish it.” He quietly admits. He shakes his head at himself.

“Why’s that, Tom?” Your boyfriend takes a deep breath as he sits up, removing himself from your touch. He sits across from you with legs crossed as he holds his head in his hands.

“I—I, it’s too much. There’s so much fucked up things he’s done. And all the things he’s seen. I just—sometimes I feel like it’s me who’s committed all of those things. When we shoot the scenes in the war and when I had to do drugs and rob banks, I felt like I lost myself—“ He cries interrupting himself to take a breath in. Compared to your fingers that ran gently through his hair, his clawed at his head. His palms rub harshly at his face, turning his skin a bright tint of red. To see Tom in such pain made you sad. You hated seeing him like this.

You gently remove his hands from scratching at his face and hold them in his lap. He stares down at your hands, clinging onto them as if his life depended on it. “I get lost in the character sometimes and I have to pull myself out of it to bring me back. But it keeps on happening over and over again. Then the Russos kept telling me to reshoot the scene more like Cherry, and I lost it and yelled at them.” You feel his tears fall to your your hands, making tears well up in your own eyes. You shuffle closer to him and kiss his forehead before pulling him into you. You stay quiet, letting him get whatever he wanted to get out.

Tom’s face is against your shoulder again. He sniffs before continuing, “It’s like everyday I find something he and I have in common. Then I think that maybe I’m turning into him. I don’t want him to be part of me. (Y/n), I don’t want to be him, I don’t want to do the things he’s done.” He sobs into your shoulder. Your heart breaks at how broken he sounded. His shoulders shook again, his back burning up with tension. A few tears made it’s way down your cheeks as you pulled his face away from you.

“Look at me.” You urged him. His jaw clenched, still looking down at his lap. He shook his head in response. “Tom, please. Look at me.” Your voice cracks. He slowly tilts his head up, your eyes connecting. He didn’t have that twinkle in his eyes, it’s like they’ve lost the light in them. Instead they were dark, like there was no life behind them. There was a mix of sadness, confusion, and even fear in his eyes.

You sadly smiled at him, cupping his face with your hands. “You’re not going to be him. You never will. You’re Tom. You are nothing close to Nico or Cherry. You are the sweetest man I have known in the world, you wouldn’t even hurt a damn fly. You’re not him. I know you aren’t. You wouldn’t do the things he’s ever done even if you were forced to. I know you Tom, I assure you, you’re nothing like him.” Tom hiccups, gripping onto your wrists.

“When this is all over and you’re done filming, we can forget about him. We won’t even mention him.” You assure him, stroking his cheeks.

“What if—,” You cut him off.

“No, there’s no what if’s. You’re going to be fine Tom. You’re surrounded by people who love you and will make you realize that you’re nothing even near him. You are the kindest man ever, you love your family, you care about your fans, and your brothers. You’re busy always taking care of everyone else, I think it’s time you take care of yourself, love.” You tell him. A small smile is on your face but it falters, “You don’t have to go through this alone, Tom.”

Tom takes a shaky breath in. “You’ll be there right?” He asks like a child making sure his mother will be there when he wakes up. “You’ll be there with me to bring me back?”

Your thumb smooths the crinkle between his brows, “I always will. I promise.” He nods and pulls you into him. You climb onto his lap and settle on his legs. He stares up at you, one of his his hands supporting your back, the other pressed against your cheek. “Thank you. I missed you so much. I’m sorry for not texting, everything’s just been so taxing mentally and physically.”

“No, don’t worry I get it.” You turn your face to press a light kiss on his palm. For the first time since you’ve seen him, Tom managed to crack a smile on his lips. He moves some strands of hair away from your face before resting his large hand on the back of your head. “I love you. I love you so much, (y/n).”

“I love you too, Tom.” You whisper against his lips. He takes that as a sign to finally crash your lips together. After months being apart, the feeling of his lips against yours felt like coming home. The kiss was desperate, like it was the air you both breathed. Tom had been longing for your touch, he craved you every second of the day, whether it be sexually or just missing you. The kiss grew rough, your teeth clashing, tongues poking and gliding against each other.

Tom lays you down on the bed, hovering over you. His hands grab and stroke at your body, trying to pull off your clothes to get close to your skin. He suddenly pulls away from your lips. “I need you. Please, I need you.” He almost begs you. Panting, you nod and push him to lay on his back. “Ok, let me take care of you, Tommy.”

He yanks his shirt off, throwing it to the side. You do the same, leaning down to meet his lips again. You kiss your way along his jaw and down to his neck. When you find that certain spot, he lets out a throaty groan, head falling back against the pillows. You run your nails along his chiseled abs and slightly roll your hips against his growing length. Tom grunts, hands instantly connecting to your ass and gripping onto your cheeks. He helps you roll your hips more, deeper with more friction against you two.

“Mm, Tom. I missed you.” You moan against his neck. You bite down and soothe the spot with your tongue after.

Tom looks down at you, lifting his hips to meet your clothes pussy. “Fucking miss you so much. You have no idea how much I’ve been dreaming of being buried in you again.” You kiss your way down his chest, but Tom stops you. His hands grab onto your leggings and slide them off.

“N-no foreplay. I need to feel you.” He stutters out, mouth agape. You nod in agreement and take his sweatpants off along with his boxers. You spit in your hand, running your hand along his dick to give it some wetness. Tom helps you lift yourself over him and guides your hips down his erected cock. You let out a combination of a sigh and moan as your walls envelop and stretch around him. Tom slightly sits up against the headboard, your tightness wrapping around him. He lets out a cry of relief, your walls around him feeding his cravings. You use his shoulders as leverage to pull yourself up but Tom stops you.

“What’s wrong?” You eye him cautiously. Tom shakes his head, “Nothing’s wrong. I just—can we stay like this for a while? I just want to feel you, please?”

“Yeah, we can do that.” You send him a reassuring smile as you settle back down on him. His hands make themselves comfortable around your waist. You maneuver your arms under his and wrap them around his back. Tom smiles at you, rubbing your back and guiding you into his chest. Before you can nuzzle your face into his neck, he presses a kiss to your temple and lets his fingers get tangled in your hair.

With his eyes closed in bliss, he whispers, “Thank you for bringing me back. I love you.”

You kiss his collarbone basking in the feeling him being so close to you. “I’ll always be here. I love you too.”

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