crimsun-n-clover
dyke hideout blog of yearning
stevie, all pronouns, 18, lesbian, bad influence, juvenile delinquent. if you see this, no you didn’t. this is like my lil diary thing and is honestly a goddamn nightmare.
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started going insane again and went to consult mickey
thanks.
so mad she’s picking up my psychology texting.
dalia won mvp for her roller derby team for the fourth time today
kicking my feet and giggling PLEASE throw me to the floor <3 i know you’re good at it <333
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okay all better went to waffle house
not that deep im just bored and this chick makes me less bored
dalia won mvp for her roller derby team for the fourth time today
kicking my feet and giggling PLEASE throw me to the floor <3 i know you’re good at it <333
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okay coming back to this now that i can kinda breathe a couple hours later. genuinely what the fuck.
like. is this pals bonding and talking about the events of their day? or is this “haha you’re not making a move”? or is this “im not interested”?
i can’t tell if she’s just saying that to say that or if she’s trying to make me jealous or to shut me up and i don’t know which is worse
i mean. kind of a bitch move. kinda makes me more into her FUCK ME
dalia won mvp for her roller derby team for the fourth time today
kicking my feet and giggling PLEASE throw me to the floor <3 i know you’re good at it <333
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she said lol am i safe or is she uncomfortable fuck fuck fuck fuck
dalia won mvp for her roller derby team for the fourth time today
kicking my feet and giggling PLEASE throw me to the floor <3 i know you’re good at it <333
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smart fuckin move stevie. lookin real good. keeping up the cool and interesting persona. not desperate or jealous at all.
dalia won mvp for her roller derby team for the fourth time today
kicking my feet and giggling PLEASE throw me to the floor <3 i know you’re good at it <333
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FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SO SCARED
dalia won mvp for her roller derby team for the fourth time today
kicking my feet and giggling PLEASE throw me to the floor <3 i know you’re good at it <333
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just said something risky pray for me
dalia won mvp for her roller derby team for the fourth time today
kicking my feet and giggling PLEASE throw me to the floor <3 i know you’re good at it <333
7 notes
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dalia won mvp for her roller derby team for the fourth time today
kicking my feet and giggling PLEASE throw me to the floor <3 i know you’re good at it <333
7 notes
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my online friend (the older sibling one) said this about me hours ago and i can’t get it out of my head
she’s a zodiac girlie and she was talking about her sun/moon/rising characters and then hit me with this shit
never forgiving her wtf man
i feel so CAUGHT
sun - my largest sense of self category. my personality, decision making, and day to day self. it’s fucking ed from ofmd. great. yippee. love that.
i, too, am emotional, erratic, miserable, violent, overly dedicated, have an avoidant attachment style, and have taste in people that will definitely be the death of me. but i’m also a scared little kid in a big scary meat suit lashing out at people who even slightly wrong me. and i like weird girls exclusively. complete freaks. neat!! i like him and definitely see it. but i’m not fuckin happy about it though, that’s for sure.
oh and i was gonna kill my alcoholic dad but that’s whatever i guess. don’t show this in court
moon - my emotional self. my moods, my habits, my instincts. nandor from wwdits. cool.
i, too, am repressed and bitchy toward those i love in attempt to protect myself AND them from the things that eat me alive from the inside. and he has a mild gambling addiction and weird attachment to his dead horse. yeah okay
rising - my outward persona, how i carry myself, the impression i give. crowley from good omens. hooray!!
i, too, wear sunglasses even when i shouldn’t, wear all black, try very hard to be intimidating, all that shit.
i’d say he’s the most like me out of any character i’ve ever seen. it’s unnerving honestly. and usually people go “omg you remind me of him!!” and they mean the way i look, act, and my mannerisms. but uh. it’s worse than that man. you don’t even wanna know why i relate to that guy.
i personally would switch my sun and rising, but honestly, she might be right. if that’s how she sees me yk? because that’s like. the whole point?
i’m just. damn. the mortifying ordeal of being known.
got called a feral cat again today (not by her) and i’m DEFINITELY feeling that rn. hissing from behind a dumpster. don’t get fuckin close man i’ll fuck you UP what do you think you’re DOING? you gotta build up to that shit. bring me little treats and talk to me and MAYBE i’ll let you.
i mean. she has done the work and all, so i’ll allow it, but that doesn’t change my instinct to either bolt or attack. i’m. sigh
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did i reblog something on the No Reblogged Posts blog bc it reminds me of dalia?? nooo i wouldn’t do that that doesn’t even sound like me
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hey we saw you from across the country and we like your vibe
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tonal shift, i know, but it felt out of place to put in the last post. i’m writing all this at maggie’s house. her mom is staying at the hospital overnight for a growth on her ovary. it might be cancer and i can’t leave hypochondriac mag alone now. it’s three in the morning and i just got her distracted enough to sleep.
i’m really fuckin worried about her man. i’m sure her mom will be fine, but fuck. that really shook all of us up.
maggie was at theater rehearsal and got a call from her dad “your moms hip pain got worse we’re going to the ER” and she was just gonna stick it out. i said hell fucking no, get in the car. take her to the ER and talk for a bit and then fuck off to get food and run an errand. i get a text that says “my mom might have cancer” and. my stomach dropped.
she asks me to call when i can and i get in the car and listen to her talk for thirty minutes or so while i go by the gas station and pick up some stuff and go back to the hospital. i hear her comforting her brother and that fuckin broke something in me. he’s an asshole who would never accept someone trying to comfort him, but she’s saying “it’ll be okay buddy” and i remembered that he’s her little brother.
i get there and she’s sobbing and i hand her a push up, because i can stomach those even when i feel sick. i also brought one of those bagged pickles and a chocolate bar, and a pack of m&ms for her dickwad brother.
i got maggie out of the patient room to go down the street and feed one of my stray cats which helped a lot
god i don’t want to leave them. i have therapy in the morning and all that but idk man. shit got bad real quick. full on country accent returning kind of bad.
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dalia chronicles update
shits getting wild man
i did one of those “like this and i’ll introduce you” story games and originally she didn’t but then later she went through all the other introductions and i guess decided yeah i can use the attention
and i’m happy to oblige obviously
so this is the template
so i put that shes my friend, we’re not very close, she reminds me of ed from ofmd (total copout, he’s her favorite), the song was femme fatale by the velvet underground (don’t think about that one too hard!!), and then it gets worse. for the memory, i brought up a joke she made once and then TOTALLY FUCKING FABRICATED a story in which mickey was harassing me over the pretty girl on my phone because she saw me going through her stories. yes, mickey does harass me about her, but that’s because i’m being FUCKING INSANE. so yeah. kinda comes off as flattery, but i wanted to call her pretty without having to call her pretty. and i said i liked how creative and interesting she is, and that i like talking to her.
she responds “thank you this made my day!!” and i was a giggly fuckin ehehe nooo really?? mess.
later that day she posts on her note “running away to the ocean” and i was like fuck yeah i love doing that highly recommend. she tells me that she lives by the harbor in toronto and she’s gonna apply to work on the cargo ships. i was like holy shit that’s awesome!! if you end up in orlando you should tell me and we could do something like an ofmd watch party!! which was also a copout. like. massive fuckin copout. just wanted to test the waters a bit, i think we may be both a bit flighty.
and then. she drops the absolute fucking BOMB “that would be awesome, i have a place in florida”
you. y. you. you have. a fucking WHAT
oh my god. i’m so fucked. this was more fun and silly when it was like ohhh i have a harmless little stupid crush! i’m a bit sweet on this artist girl i know! but now. oh god. oh fuck. son of a bitch.
i’m speechless. this girl who is SO my type and maybe into me is within reach now, but not easy enough to get to that it’ll bore me or freak me out.
i’m being ridiculous but i’m just so interested in her. she posts about her room and shows me trinkets and stuff and it’s like. i wanna lay on your bed and listen to your weird folk music while you tell me the story behind every single fucking thing on your walls.
maggie has been making fun of me because yk. if i like a girl she has to be a little fucked up. a little off. and this girl is a fucking boat nerd with an ego than can suffocate a city. maggie has only been comforted by the knowledge that she does roller derby and archery and is a lifeguard and all that shit.
this just feels. i don’t know. don’t wanna say fate because that’s fucking stupid.
but that does remind me
earlier today i was on the phone with john and he mentioned mickey and i was like no way!! she asked about you this morning!
and then matchmaking has ensued.
j and mick are the same fucking person. they’re both my adopted kid siblings, just one of them lives out of the country. they’re both little alcoholic guitar freaks with a weird sense of humor that come to me for problems they reallyyy shouldn’t come to me for.
i tell john that mickey asked about him and he loses his shit. posts some bait on his story and they get talking. i’m playing both sides, while j is telling me he’s in love and mick is saying that john is lowkey fine. they’re both wayyy into each other. john has been up my ass about “stevie you better come to the wedding” and i’m happy to give him a win after getting his heart broken like four times recently. like. enough to call me for a drunken cry sesh. i’m worried about him but i don’t see anything too bad coming out of this besides mickey being all “nooo omg i can’ttt i need him to be here if i’m gonna say anything” while j is begging me to report back on if she’s into him.
mickey was asking me about how i met him n stuff and i said i saw him posting kickass guitar stuff and followed him for that and then i posted a megadeth meme while saying “no one else will find this funny” and he says “I DO” and suddenly he’s my brother. and he even looks like me. he convinced our friend we were related when he met her. (said friend and her bf broke up today)
so mickey says him and i are platonic soulmates bound by fate or something with the coincidences that led to him and i being close.
back to j and i’s friend who broke up with her bf. he was a dick to her about the way she looks but he was really sweet when it came to getting her things n stuff. her and i met in a weird flirty way and she said the other day that it wasn’t platonic for her and i was like. me too bestie. and she said something about “if we’re ever both single…” and i was like yeah lmao! because i’d hook up with her. j clocked me on that. dunno how. we were on the phone today and he goes “would you hook up with her be honest” and i had to explain to him that yeah absolutely but i have no romantic intent toward her? she’s my friend and i adore her but she’s also gorgeous and i’d go down on her if she asked. we just wouldn’t make a good stable healthy couple. we’re both fucking HEATHENS.
so yeah shits wild rn
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hi hello yes why does maggie keep horse shampoo in her bathroom
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i miss living near an aquarium. need to be let off my leash and allowed to run around and stare at the fish until my brain melts out of my ears
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you’re in her dms she’s with me screaming “this is all your fault” we are not the same
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if you don’t like webkinz i’m going to come to your house and beat you to death with a hammer
are you afraid of love or something they have such pleasant little faces
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