A part of writing that I find slightly devastating is when you can picture a scene vividly, in your head it’s so perfect, perhaps it’s really funny or beautiful or emotional, and when you try to write down it’s just…. not. It feels awkward. Lacking. Boring.

It really fucking sucks

I'm sorry to everyone that's ever messaged me ever and basically got ignored by me

I'm trying not to do that.... but I'm always too tired to even type a basic reply most of the time

I wish ppl knew how much of an effort it takes for me not to be completely mute when I’m overwhelmed

“do you think we are soulmates in every universe?”

“are we even soulmates in this one?”

that quote speaks to me on a personal level it is under my skin and it is living in my body that quote is so me.

Y'all I live in Bangladesh right? So

My university had a recent women in careers seminar thing, and they invited a trans woman. One of the few "out" transwomen in the entire goddamn nation. This happened amidst finals and basically some unofficial student unions got together and protested it. In the middle of finals. The protests got so volatile they had to cancel her talk because of "security concerns". She's been getting all sorts of threats since then. This woman has been backed by the Prime Minister in some indirect ways. And yet here they are, Hindu, Muslim, Christian, you name it. Standing against her.

I'm queer and deep in hiding in this fuckall university. I see people I cared for and respected sharing about how trans people are the end of the world. People that were my friends and people I cared for and I respected. Sharing posts about how trans people are a blight upon humanity. I had to delete Facebook off my goddamn phone because it was triggering me so badly.

Most of these people are Muslim, and so am I. I was born and raised Muslim. I flip flopped around the religion and circled right fucking back. If I could, I'd go up to these people and say

" I have seen you commit sins. You are in an unmarried relationship which is therefore deemed haram. You smoke cigarettes and weed and drink plenty of alcohol. You guys sing and dance together. There's no respect among any of you women, it doesn't even matter if you're a woman yourself I've heard shitty remarks from men and women alike about women that don't fit your standards. I've seen you all play Hindus in plays. If you all can dare call yourselves Muslim, then I stand on equal fucking ground. I'm just as Muslim as you are. Allah as my witness I hope you see how hateful each of you are to each other and learn to be fucking compassionate and to be kind in those different than you. Clearly that's something that you never picked up from the Qur'an."

I wish I could say it. But I'm a coward. And there's nobody that can speak for me either.

So I will hide behind my stupid Tumblr blog, screaming into a void that rarely screams back, and I hope that when you and I inevitably die, I hope by then you've learnt to love humans that are not like you in the slightest.

I hate that my dreams died with adulthood. I wanted to be a great artist, I wanted to be an animation legend, but the reality is that a million others want the same thing. You really gotta be the extraordinary among the extraordinary in order to stand out now, so I'm wondering why I even try at this point. I can become an amazing artist and still only be mediocre by professional standards.

I really love getting little presents from my friend from Switzerland but the custom fees are always so expensive even for small presents once they're in Austria.

I'm at least glad she apparently doesn't have to pay for her presents when I send them to her place but it's still kinda difficult because we want to do nice gestures for each other but the fees make it unnecessarily complicated for me and just for me :(

why cant we ever have fun like ever. why cant anything ever be good ever. why cant we ever relax. why is everything always going wrong. why is this world and this life so stupidly miserable. whats even the fucking point

every day is a new day to hate myself.

why does sex have to be such an important part of the whole ‘being alive’ experience? why can’t platonic love and nasty kisses be enough 😔

We have to put my childhood dog down this month and I’m,, not holding up

Me: I want to make friends

My anxiety: ✨No✨

why is talking so hard :(

“i’ve done so much, but i feel empty inside. and i don’t feel like i have anything that lasts for me to treasure on my own” -Mark Lee

i said i love you. i mean it. i said i’ll love you forever. i mean it. i may love you now and always and forever and never stop loving you but i’ve forgotten what you did to me. i forgot what you made me feel like. that feeling was your fucked up way of showing love. it wasn’t good. i miss it though. i freakishly miss what we had. i know you’re better now. i think you’re better now. i hope you’re better now. i want to go back so badly. i want to run back to you with open arms hold you until my arms break and i feel weak. i cant. i wish i could. i cant.

maybe we’ll work in another universe, like you always say.

nobody knows how close i was to the ending i always wanted this year and they think im getting better