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therealcocoshady · 2 months

Note

Are you accepting requests if not by past this .

: Marshall/ em x fem reader

Y/N and Marshall have a baby girl together (Lilly around 4 or 5 ) and when there around the dinner table she happens to mention that she wants a new sibling so her parents (Y/N and Marshall) talk her into an animal in substitution of a child . But that brings on the topic of having another baby between Marshall and Y/N

Sorry this is really bad . Never done this before

If you don’t do it it’s fine lol

I still love u

One last baby ? - One Shot

Eminem x FemReader

Author’s not : thanks for the request ❤️. I really enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoy it. I added a little twist of my own, I hope you don’t’ mind. 👀

Words : 4027

Tags : Fluff

You sighed as you rummaged through the pile of clothes that you needed to donate to Goodwill. Your daughter had grown up so much in the past few months that she almost needed a new wardrobe. It wasn’t an issue in and of itself, but you had a hard time parting ways with the clothes that no longer fit her. Your baby girl was growing up and even though it was amazing to see her blossom, it broke your heart. It seemed like yesterday, you were bringing her home from the hospital, starting your journey as a mom. And now, she was about to turn five. She was no longer your little baby : she was becoming more and more independent, she didn’t need you to do everything for her anymore. Soon, she would no longer need you to hold your hand or cut her food. If you’d known how fast time would go by, you would have cherished these moments even more than you had.

Your little Lily was a dream come true : you had spent so many nights wishing for a baby, praying that you would be a mom someday, waiting for the right man to come along. But after you had turned thirty-five, you had grown tired of waiting for Prince Charming and you had taken matters into your own hands. Thanks to science, you didn’t need to be in a relationship to have a baby, and you’d rather have one on your own and be a single mom than settle for anyone, just for the sake of starting a family. You had been told countless times that your standards were too high and that you were selfish for wanting to have a baby on your own, but it didn’t matter. You knew it was the right time to be a mom so you decided to become one. It wasn’t easy, but with the help of a fertility clinic and after two rounds of IVF and nine months of sickness, you had welcomed your beautiful baby girl. She was your biggest blessing and you were incredibly happy that you hadn’t decided to wait for Mister Right.

Ironically, you had ended up meeting him merely four months after you had Lily. You had moved from New York to Michigan after being hired by Paul Rosenberg. You were already involved in the music industry, working in A&R, but you were looking for a higher position and a better salary, and you had been told there was an opportunity at Shady Records. You had always thought you wanted to work for a bigger, more prestigious label, but as soon as you had been told about the job, you knew you had to apply : everything in the job description was right up your alley, the money was good and it offered you enough flexibility to be able to raise your daughter as a single mother. Applying turned out to be one of your best decisions, right after deciding to have your daughter : you loved your job and, through it, you met Marshall. At first, your relationship was strictly professional, but you quickly became friends. Technically speaking, he was your boss, but even though the job could be demanding, he was extremely understanding and supportive of your role as a single mom. Whenever Lily was sick or there was a problem at daycare, you were allowed to leave early, work from home or even have your baby with you. It probably helped that your daughter was adorable and that the whole team had fallen in love with her. She had also fallen in love with them, especially Marshall, who had a way with children. She had quickly become obsessed with him, which was not really surprising, since he was always making faces at her, tickling her and playing with her. She loved sitting on his lap and playing with him. Especially when he let her push the buttons on the mixing desk. She loved being at the studio, and every time you took her, she was having a blast. At first, you didn’t want to take her too often, as you were here to work and that little kids could be a nuisance, but Marshall assured you it was fine. At some point, you ended up taking Lily to work a bit more. He was working on a new album and you had to put in more hours, which you didn’t mind, the only issue being that daycare closed too early. However, Marshall had come through and set up a small space for Lily with a crib, some toys and a playpen, so that you could have her with you and still work. Small gestures like this were what led you to fall for him in the first place. He was the kindest man you had ever met. Still, at first, you were a bit reluctant to accept when he asked you on a date. He was your boss and your daughter was your absolute priority. Nonetheless, he managed to win you over after months of flirting. In the beginning, you didn’t think it was going to be too serious and you weren’t too sure about letting a man into your and your daughter’s life, but your relationship ended up moving pretty quickly. From the start, he let you know that he was serious about your relationship and that he wanted to include Lily in your plans. Being a father himself, he understood that she was your priority. So he became a staple in your life and Lily’s and they formed a bond of their own. He became one of her favorite people and she even graced him with her first steps, one late night in the studio. She wanted to go and hug him and you expected her to crawl as usual, but she walked from the couch to his chair. You were jealous, but also really happy that she loved him so much. The feeling was mutual. In fact, the day he proposed to you, he also proposed to her ! You had been dating for over a year at this point and were practically living together.

I don’t remember you telling me about Lily’s full name, he said one night at dinner. Does she have a middle name ?

No, you said. I wanted to keep it simple.

And she was born in New York, right ? He asked.

Yes, you confirmed with a smile. Why ?

Nothing, he said. My lawyer just wanted the information.

Your lawyer ? You asked confused.

Yeah, I was considering updating my will, he said casually. To include Lily, you know ?

You stared at him in shock.

Wait… Why would you do that ? You asked.

Just in case something happens to me, he explained. I want her to be taken care of. I would also like to set up a small trust for her. That way, she can pay for college, that kind of thing.

You don’t have to do that, you said. I’ll pay for her studies myself. She’s my daughter, my responsibility, not yours.

What if we changed that ? He asked with a smile. What if she was our daughter ?

You want to… adopt her ? You asked in shock. You don’t have to -

I know I don’t have to, he chuckled. But I want to. I love her as much as I love my daughters. I change her diapers, I read to her, I tuck her in… I do all of that Dad stuff already, and I love it. I want to care for her as much as I can.

You were moved, seeing how much he cared about her. They had a great bond and he was right, he was already a father figure to her. He was there everyday and took care of her as if she was his. Still, you were nervous. It was a big step and you didn’t want him to regret his decision.

What if we break up ? You asked nervously. Have you thought about it ?

I have, he smiled. And it wouldn’t change anything to how I feel about Lily.

Ok, you said emotionally. I guess we could do that.

He got up and took you in his arms before kissing both of your hands. Then, he took Lily from her high chair and gave her a kiss, making her giggle. She leaned and rested her head against his.

What do you say, princess ? Do you want me to be your Daddy? He asked softly.

She cooed and brought her little hand to his face. She wasn’t too talkative yet. She was very active, but when it came to talking, she didn’t seem too keen. It didn’t matter much, because she was very good at making sure everyone understood her. He kissed her again before putting her back so she could keep on eating her finger food. He kissed you tenderly and stroked your cheek.

Before we make it official, I do have something to tell you, though, he said.

Yes ? You asked nervously.

I didn’t actually take Lily to the park today, he confessed with a smile.

Where were you then? You asked confused. You were gone all afternoon.

Running errands, he said with a smile. I needed Lily’s help to pick up something.

You stared at him and waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t say more. Instead, he reached in his pocket and took out a small box. Understanding where this was going, you covered your hand with your mouth, tears starting to well in your eyes as he got down on one knee.

You had been married for almost three years now and you couldn’t ask for more. You were about to turn forty and you felt incredibly lucky : you had an amazing husband, with whom you had a beautiful blended, tight-knit family. Even if Lily was not his biological child, she took a lot after Marshall. They had the same way of pursing their lips when they were frustrated and you could swear she was his when she gave a side-eye whenever she found something annoying. The looks were all yours, but the sassiness was all his. You loved that she took a bit after him. In hindsight, it wasn’t too surprising : he had been in her life for so long, she didn’t have any memory of life without him. She knew he wasn’t her biological dad, but it didn’t matter. She was definitely a Daddy’s girl. You had a special bond of your own with Lily, but she had him wrapped around her finger. It was the sweetest thing ever, although you sometimes worried that if he kept on indulging her in everything, she would turn into a brat. Although, whenever you touched on the subject, he shrugged it off. Still, you were afraid that if she asked for a pony, you would end up with one in the living room. Or worse, with Marshall actually purchasing stables and turning into a farmer. When it came to his princess, your husband seemed virtually unable to say no. He often used the excuse that his other kids were grown up and that Lily wouldn’t be his baby for too long.

You heard the front door as Marshall brought Lily home from preschool. You left your pile of clothing and went to greet the loves of your life. She was on his shoulders as you walked down the stairs.

Look Mommy, I’m tall, she giggled.

I see that, baby, you chuckled. Didn’t we say that you had to walk on your own and that Daddy had to stop carrying you on his shoulders all the time, though ?

It’s fine, he said. I only carried her for half of the way.

See ? Your daughter asked. Daddy says it’s ok.

You rolled your eyes and stared at your husband who was beaming. He gently let her down and she went to play in the living room.

You’re turning her into a lazy person, you chuckled.

Come on, let me enjoy this, he said with a smile. She’s starting elementary school next year and I’m not ready yet. I can’t believe my baby is turning five…

We still have to see what we’re getting her, you reminded him.

How about a puppy ?

You stared at him in disbelief. She had been talking about getting a puppy for ages but you weren’t so sure. A puppy was a lot of work and she was still too young to help around with it. Plus, Marshall would soon go on tour and you would be busy enough.

We’re not getting her a puppy, you said. No way.

She’s been talking about it for a while, he pointed out. And you see how crazy she is about the neighbor's corgi.

Well she can keep on playing with him, you chuckled. But my hands will already be full while you’re on tour, with Lily, the house, work… I don’t need a puppy on top of that.

We’ll see, he said.

He seemed pretty sure that you would change your mind, but there was no way. At dinner, you decided to quiz your daughter about what she would like for her birthday. Hopefully, she had her eye set on a Barbie.

Tell me, baby, what do you want for your birthday ? You asked.

A sister ! She said giddily.

You already have three sisters, you reminded her. You have Lainey, Hailie and Stevie.

I want a little sister ! She corrected.

You and Marshall stared at each other for a second. That was new. Lily was surrounded by adults and had never shown too much interest in other children.

A little sister ? Marshall asked. Where does that come from ?

My friend Emma is going to have a little sister, she said. I want one too. And I can play with her all the time.

You were about to turn forty and you had never really thought about having another baby after Lily. With Marshall having three daughters of his own, your family felt complete. Plus, you didn’t keep a fond memory of your pregnancy. The successive rounds of IVF had been testing, so had been the next nine months.

You know what would be great to play with ? You asked nervously.

What ? She asked with a huge smile.

A puppy, you said.

Marshall looked at you with a shit-eating grin. Your daughter shrieked in excitement.

Can we get one like Elton ? She asked, referring to the neighbor’s dog.

Of course, baby, Marshall said with a huge smile.

And then, the baby can play with it too !

You looked sheepishly at Marshall who shrugged. You figured that it was best not to say anything and focus on the puppy. After all, it was probably her age. All kids wanted younger siblings, right ? When Lily was finally in bed, you went to your bedroom with your husband.

So… You agreed to the dog, he grinned.

I deflected, you admitted. It was either that or a baby, so…

It’ll be great, he reassured you. Plus, when I’m on tour, she won’t miss me as much if she has a dog to come home to.

You’re right, you said. I must say I’m a bit anxious though. She’ll miss you a lot.

I will miss her too, he said. I will miss both of you, actually. The offer for you to come still stands, you know ?

I have work and she has school, you reminded him.

Preschool, he chuckled.

That’s important, you said.

Nothing we can’t teach her on our own, he said. I would love to have you with me. And Lily could see the world a little bit. That’s just as important as school.

How about work ? You mused.

Let me check with your boss… Oh wait, that's me, he chuckled. He says it’s fine. Plus, you can get work done from anywhere.

What about the dog ?

One of the girls can take care of it, he shrugged. I mean, Stevie has three big dogs, so I doubt a small one would be a problem.

We’ll see, you said.

You started getting ready for bed. The pile of Lily’s clothes you were sorting earlier was still on the bed.

What’s that ? Marshall asked as he rummaged through them.

Some of Lily’s old clothes, for Goodwill, you said. I’d keep them, but there’s no room in her closet.

You’re getting rid of all of that ? he asked sheepishly.

You knew him well enough to know he would get sentimental. Getting rid of your daughter’s baby clothes was emotional for you too, but on a practical level, it didn’t make much sense to hoard them.

Come on, Y/N, he said. You can’t get rid of this dress. Or those PJs. She was so cute in them.

She outgrew them long ago, you pointed out. It would be better if someone had a use for them, don’t you think ?

We could have a use for them, he said before kissing you seductively.

Oh really ? You asked as you raised an eyebrow.

He nodded with a grin and kissed you passionately. You kissed him back as he pushed you on the bed, attempting to undress you.

Wait, seriously ? You asked confused. You’d like another child ?

I mean… I’m not against the idea, he said with a smile.

At our age ? I mean, you just turned fifty and I’m turning forty soon. Isn’t that a little late ?

You know, I didn’t expect to have another child in my forties, he said referring to Lily, but it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. And when I see Lily, I’m thinking I wouldn’t mind having another one just like her. It helps that you seem to make beautiful babies, too. I’d enjoy having one last baby with you. Maybe have a boy ?

He was smiling, staring lovingly at you. You had never talked about having another child together. As he had told you in the past, after his divorce, he had been pretty adamant about being done with the whole marriage and baby-making thing. Obviously, he hadn’t planned on you and Lily walking into his life but still, knowing how views, you never tried to push anything on him. To be fair, you had never even considered the possibility of having a child together. He definitely took you by surprise, but you weren’t fully against the idea either. He was an amazing father to all four kids and you knew a fifth one wouldn’t be an exception.

What do you think, beautiful ? He asked as he stroked your cheek.

I don’t know, you admitted. That’s a little tempting, I must admit. But I never saw us trying for a baby. Like, do we want to be that couple, planning intercourse, counting cycles and everything ? Also, what if it doesn’t work ? I don’t want to do IVF again. That shit is trying. And pregnancy is no picnic either. For Lily, I struggled a lot, I was sick all the time.

First of all, if we decide to do this, I’ll be here every step of the way, he reassured you. You were on your own when you had her, but this time, it would be different. And if it doesn’t work… Well, it doesn’t. We already have four amazing kids, I’ll survive without a fifth one. I don’t want to put pressure on it. Let’s put it this way : if we had an unplanned pregnancy, I’d welcome it with open arms. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. If you don’t want to, that’s cool. But if you’re up for it, so am I.

Ok, you said softly. One last baby.

He beamed at you and kissed you. He seemed truly overjoyed by the possibility of welcoming another baby. One last one.

I’ve never tried for a baby, he chuckled. This is going to be fun.

Cut the BS, Mathers, you giggled. You’re the most experienced man I know, when it comes to babymaking.

No I’m serious, he explained. I’ve never had one on purpose. They all came my way. Hailie was definitely a surprise, obviously we didn’t plan on taking Alaina in, I definitely wasn’t expecting Kim to be pregnant with Steve when I got back with her, same with Lily… I’ve never actively tried for a baby.

Still, by the looks of it, I’d say it was fate, you said. You ended up with four daughters.

And maybe fate has another one in store for me, he chuckled. Regardless, I think I will have a lot of fun trying for baby number five.

I still have to get off birth control, you giggled.

Good thing you’re taking the pill and you can just skip it, he grinned as he playfully grabbed your ass.

So we’re really doing this ? You beamed.

We are, he said as he kissed you. And now you have no choice but to come on tour with me. For the sake of trying. You know I don’t half-ass it.

What if I get pregnant before then ? You asked playfully, although you knew it was unlikely.

All the more reason, he said. That way I can take care of you. That would be awesome, actually. How great would it be if you were pregnant by Lily’s birthday ? She’d be overjoyed.

You chuckled and stared at him. Lily’s birthday was just around the corner and there was no way you’d be pregnant by then, or at least not far along enough for you to announce it.

Are you trying to convince me to have a child just because she wants a sibling ? You joked with a falsely offended face.

I’m not, he chuckled. But what Lily wants, she gets, I guess ?

What’s next then ? You wondered as you rolled your eyes. A pony ?

I’m saving the idea for Christmas, actually, he said in a serious voice although you seriously hope he was joking.

Shut up and put a baby in me, you ordered him.

He pushed you on the bed again and wasted no time before undressing you. That night, the lovemaking was even better than usual. He was right : trying for that baby would be a lot of fun indeed, whether or not it ended up working.

Epilogue

The two of you tried for a few months, without bothering to plan intercourse or doing impossible math to try and figure out when you were ovulating and, eventually, you became pregnant for the second time. Marshall was over the moon when you told him and, as promised, he was here every step of the way. He was ecstatic when the two of you went for your first ultrasound appointment.

I get to see my son, he said with a smile.

It’s too early to know the gender, Marshall, you giggled.

I know it’s a boy, he said. Fate, remember ? It’s all part of the plan, I’m telling you.

Right. Because that’s usually how it works out for you and children, you joked.

You were pretty sure you were having a girl. You didn’t really care about the gender, but it was just a gut feeling that you had. As long as the baby was healthy, it didn’t matter anyway.

Here it is, the doctor said as she pointed at the screen. Your baby.

Oh my God, Marshall said as he held your hand, visibly overcome with emotion.

Is everything alright ? You asked.

From the looks of it, yes, she said with a smile as she moved the probe on your belly. Wait…

You felt your heart strain and Marshall held your hand a little tighter as both of you tensed up. You were silently praying, hoping that your baby was healthy. After a minute, the doctor turned to you.

Congratulations, she said. You’re expecting twins. And they’re perfectly healthy.

Marshall almost fell off his chair. If the pregnancy was no surprise, that turn of event was unexpected. As far as you knew, neither of you had twins in the family. You were a little shocked but really happy.

So even when it’s planned, it’s really not, your husband chuckled as he kissed your hand.

I think you're doomed for surprises, my love.

#eminem #marshall mathers #slim shady #eminem fanfiction #eminem x reader #eminem fluff #eminem imagine #marshall mathers x reader #marshall mathers imagine #marshall mathers headcanons

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horseslur · 6 months

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Things that are horrendously and embarassingly bad about sse/sso:

Game code and glitches and bugs

Weekly update schedule

Community management

This kind of falls under all three but generally Every part of the game feels unfinished and detached from the rest. Quests don't match up. Basic visual objects (clothing, tack) glitch through each other. Added content is frequently blatantly untested.

I'm not even diving into the dynamics within the company itself.

Or its horrendous marketing.

Also in game items have big inflation problems. Largely caused by the fact that the max amount of js a player can carry at any given time is capped at an amount you can max out in a day or two, which is automatically also a Very Low maximum that you can price an item.

The half-hearted retrofitting whenever they update a part of the game. Horse speed breaking quests. Retrofitting new tack to basic horses. This kind of ties back into point number one.

Things that I Genuinely Like about SSO/are done really well/have no better alternative in the games industry:

Sound design? I feel like people don't talk about this enough. Not just the music but also atmospheric elements are really well done, even if the game struggles with sound triggers sometimes. I especially like the horse-related sounds, as stupid as it sounds. If i can ride a horse in a video game I'm judging it by the noises the horse's hooves make. SSO is like right below tears of the kingdom in that for me.

Map design: It's frankly very impressive how every spot in Jorvik has really good views, and the balance between feeling like places are miles away and giving you excellent traveltime, while still being dense with locations and quest opportunities. Epona feels like three days of travel away, and yet from the right spot you can simply see the castle on the other side of the water!

Individual visual design: I like the look of the new player models (put your nostalgia goggles away. the old shit looks like it belongs in 2005 with oldschool runescape and you know it), same goes with horses, tack, even things like trees and environmental objects. The main problem is the janky mismatch between objects, which traces back to the lack of cohesive long-term vision and planning when it comes to developing the game as a whole, instead of individual parts and pieces.

The thing that actually inspired this post: as troublesome as the js economy is in the game, they've Genuinely hit the mark with starcoins. The goal of a premium currency is the delicate balance between getting as much real-life benefits from your players (whether that be ad revenue or simple direct payment for it) while giving them enough new goodies through it that it makes it worth it for players to put in that extra effort. No company in the industry gives away premium currency on a whim. The 100sc per week, which translates to 5 new horses per year and the occasional bonus if you've saved up more over time, is an excellent structure. You get to buy horses for free if you just wait long enough. You don't need to pay beyond your standard star rider price (and if you haven't bought the permanent version. what are you doing. paying for the pay once option pays itself back in 11 months over the monthly option, and 12 months for the quarterly option. Not even counting the bonus sc you get to begin with). Free weekly sc that are enough for a magic horse 4 times a year, plus a bonus horse or several pets, is an Amazing community service they're frankly doing. And from a company perspective? They are never going to change this in a way that is more beneficial to you. Because the goal of premium currency is not to buy horses, it's to earn the company money. It is the Main way the company earns money. And the 100sc works excellent because it's doing exactly what it needs to do: It's keeping you coming back to buy their new horses, and then makes you go "man I wish I had even more sc", thus tempting you into buying sc. Any increase in starcoins will be the opposite of an incentive to spend money on the game. If management is really stupid and desperate for cash, they will, if anything, decrease the amount of sc you earn, or more subtly increase the price of the things you can buy with it. Because that's what gets you going "Well if I spend just 20 euros, I can buy both new magic horses, and the Dutch Warmblood when it releases in a month."

Starcoins hits a really fucking good sweet spot between earning the company money, and doing a genuine community service by making it accessible on the basic paid version.

#calamity be upon ye #sso #sometimes the end of the world is a long rant. sorry #im an econ major and a video games nerd. what can i say

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inhibited-irregularity · 1 year

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Since the voting was truly abysmal and the real winner was robbed by the corrupt juries, might as well make a "they deserved better" list including both semis and the grand finale and considering both juries and the general public. So, in an attempt to be as objective as I can, here's my

☆♥︎THEY DESERVED BETTER♥︎☆

In no particular order:

🇩🇪 Germany, Lord of the lost - Blood and glitter: I admit that I wasn't a fan in the beginning, and even made a post about how I wish that the rock entries went harder and that LOTL should either commit to hardcore or be more silly with the song. I found the cheesy lyrics delivered in such a serious and dramatic manner cringey, BUT, after their performance last night, changed my mind completely. First of all, I ADORE the lead singer's vocals (and he seems like a cool guy), and the song itself has some seriously good moments, not to mention how freakin catchy it is. Their energy was through the roof, the performance was flawless, and in spite of my initial reaction to the song, I bought it and genuinely loved it. It felt like watching a concert by one of my favorite bands. Not my winner, but I was really disappointed with how low they scored.

🇪🇸 Spain, Blanca Paloma - Eaea: ROBBED. Over the years, the juries projected an image of people that look for all things *artistic* in a song (even though it usually translates as a pretentious kid in art college with no real taste picking the thing they think their 50yo profesor would approve of). Well, they be blind, since Blanca Paloma brought IT, and they failed to recognize. Outstanding vocals, stunning visuals, the power of the entire performance, and all the emotion and significance packed into a seemingly simple concept. It was more like a movie scene than a musical competition entry, she transported me into another dimension and unlocked something ancient and wonderful. All the people I've talked to had different favorites, but they all had strong, immensely positive reactions to Spain. I literally teared up and had a spiritual experience with Blanca Paloma's performance, and the energy she exuded was undeniably healing, freeing and over-all cathartic. While I knew that her chances of winning were slim and I didn't count on the public vote, she deserved SO MUCH MORE from both general public and the juries.

🇦🇹 Austria, Teya and Salena - Who the hell is Edgar: One of my favorites from the very beginning. A quality pop song with a bop-y rhythm and ingenious lyrics. Under the guise of random and silly, there's quite a few things implied - the obvious criticism of the music industry and the more subtle "people are readier to believe that a ghost of a famous writer possessed me than that a woman can write quality lyrics and have a sense of humor" (shout-out to generations of men claiming Kurt Cobain wrote Courtney Love's songs and lyrics, work on your reading comprehension) While that might be a personal observation, here's what absolutely stands. They're adorable, funny, had a fun choreography, a catchy song, the lyrics that are fun even if you don't analyze them, great personalities, solid performance, perfect delivery and the right amount of quality with a dash of random that matches Iceland's Dađy Freyr and that y'all claim to respect. Shame on the audience; the jury can't recognize talent anyway.

🇸🇮 Slovenia, Joker out - Carpe Diem: Not much left to say. Good song, good vibes, all the charisma in the world. They had Måneskin's synergy, they had a good time, the audience had a good time with them, and they were confident in a non-pretentious manner. Special mention for Bojan, the lead singer, who's shown such sportsmanship, was truly an example of a perfect esc. representative. The entire band seems very fun to hang out with, and while they're goofy, they seem very smart with how they manage to balance witty and respectful in interviews. Members aside, their music is refreshing and perfect for people that find mainstream pop repetitive but aren't into anything too heavy. Perfect for a summer music festival or a feel-good playlist.

🇵🇹 Portugal, Mimicat - Ai, coração: you know she's something special when her entire home country shows such support and excitement. I wasn't a fan at first when I saw the national performance, it seemed a bit out-dated and frankly a bit too weird for my taste, but she changed my mind as soon as she took the stage in the first semi. In my opinion, a Broadway-worthy performance, and such personality! Fun aunt vibes, and one of the coolest people this year. When I grow up, I wanna be her.

🇭🇷 Croatia, Let 3 - Mama, ŠČ: The juries are such cowards, honestly. I was familiar with some of the band's history and not everything they did was exactly my taste, but what else to expect from a band so unhinged. I had some misgivings, but they won me over quickly. The punkest thing Eurovison has seen in recent years. That's how you do anti-war, Switzerland. Satire on point. Weird, meaningful, fun, grotesque. How something like that didn't do better in Eurovision is beyond me. But leave it to the cowardly juries that left Italy's Ermal Meta and Fabrizio Moro with almost no points to do just that. I'm still butthurt.

🇷🇸 Serbia, Luke Black - Samo mi se spava: Listen, I was NOT a fan. All the homophobes aside, everyone in the country and their mom was gushing about how original and unique the song is, which can be annoying to someone who's as exposed to various aspects of pop culture as I am (humble,I know), and I still think his singing could be better. At first, he was a bit awkward and seemed pretentious during the national selection. However, the performance did stand out, he amped his energy and put such effort, and there's no denying the flawless staging and production and how well it suits him, and over time, he's proved to be a funny, likeable and down to earth guy (with flawless fashion sense). I'm proud of him and how he represented the country, and he definitely didn't deserve to be at the bottom of the list.

🇮🇸 Iceland, Diljá - Power: I'm OUTRAGED that it didn't qualify and can only call lesbophobia idk. I mean, Im not familiar with her sexuality, but if I've ever seen something that doesn't give a damn about the male gaze, this would be it. Still, it's beyond me how she didn't qualify. One of the best vocals this year, not to mention she sung FLAWLESSLY while running and jumping all over the stage with zero breaks. The track itself is meh to me, but should be something that Eurovision fans enjoy; that being said, the vocal and performance can make or break a song with such a track, and she ATE. Power indeed, I was blown away. Her being super-cute is just a bonus. She has my heart and my votes ♡ Too bad people didn't agree.

🇷🇴 Romania, Theodor Andrei - D.G.T: Ok, I can't shout that he deserved to qualify, I knew the chances were slim and the song had some ways to go, not to mention the hot mess of a national performance. However, he doesn't deserve ANY hate that he's getting, and in my opinion, he was the best male vocal this year. I'm in love with his voice and he doesn't lack charisma either. I loved the re-vamp with the acoustic guitar, but at the end of the day, the stage was a bit empty. I will add D. G. T. to my playlist though, and I wish him a wonderful career and a powerful return.

🇱🇻 Latvia, Sudden Lights - Aijā; Well, this one hurts. I know it wasn't a fan favorite, but I was rooting for it so much and still think it deserved to qualify over some *questionable* entries. While it was something straight out of my high-school playlist, I didn't find it derivative and it was warm, touching and comforting. And beautiful, goddammit. I get how it's not everyone's cup of tea, but come on.

🇵🇱 Poland, Jann - Gladiator: Was this a jumpscare? Lol. No need to write a huge paragraph, the entire world knows that he was robbed. I've never seen someone so charismatic and meant to be a performer, and I enjoyed both the song, the lyrics and the delivery, even though I immediately noticed a similarity with Judas by Lady Gaga. However, I feel obliged to say that he should work on his vocals and that y'all wouldn't be so mad if he didn't look the way he looks. Still, the true choice of Poland, and I have no doubt he would've done great in the final.

AND FINALLY .....

THE ONE TRUE WINNER

💚💚💚💚🇫🇮🇫🇮🇫🇮💚💚💚

Käärija (my beloved) - Cha Cha Cha:

Ok, he didn't lack the love or the appreciation. But the RIGGERY. The ROBBERY. THE AUDACITY.

First of all, the song is a banger. It mixes industrial rock, techno and eurodance perfectly, with flawless transitions, while managing to catch the ears of people that aren't into any of those genres. Great intro that pulls you in immediately, and the pacing done just right. Now onto Käärijä himself. He's a fucking star. A legend. It's impossible not to like him. Every video of him I've seen was so much fun. Performance wise, great energy, great delivery. The song manages to appeal so many people with staying unique and checking all the boxes. Want something for the angst? He got you. Want something upbeat? Cha cha cha motherfuckers. Want weird? "My name is Kääärijää", there's our green man. Want quality production? Boy from Vantaa's got it.

The only possible criticism I can see him receiving is something along the lines of "it's gimmicky", which is frankly a ridiculous thing to say about a Eurovision entry (insert the Maryl Streep from Devil Wears Prada meme) and if it were gimmicky, he wouldn't have become the only artist to ever have his name chanted by the entire audience while Sweden gets points, and I wouldn't have replayed it so many times since it came out without getting bored. Honestly, one of the rare songs that puts me in a good mood, cos it has that "starting from anger and angst and acknowledging bad feelings and THEN bringing you to upbeat and happy" thing going on. Eh. Fuck the jury.

This concludes my list. Special mentions.

Not my cup of tea, but deserved the praise - Norway, Italy, Australia, Armenia

Deserved more public votes, undeniable quality, but faded into the background compared to my other favs - France, Czechia

Not for me but I get it- Moldova, Estonia, Georgia

+ Acknowledging Malta for pulling that performance and getting everything possible out of a song that relies entirely on one catchy hook. Most improved entry since the nationals, good show, likeable group, fun staging.

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because-its-eurovision · 1 year

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Your discussion of Sweden yesterday was so interesting to me. I’m a eurovision fan from outside Europe so I was never sure how people actually like Sweden. But I am a musician and musicologist, and Sweden removed from EV is essentially a pop songwriting factory which… some pop songs work in Eurovision, some Eurovision songs work as pop songs but a lot don’t. I’ve actually made it into a verb: “Swedening it up” when someone does just as straight up basic pop song. I’m excited to hear quite a few people talk highly of Finland’s song this year though as I have been a Finland fan since I started following EV.

First of all, thank you so so much for supporting Finland 🥺🖤 This year feels even more like an alternative reality than 2021 with people loving our entry, saying it's a sure qualifier and a contender to win the televote. Finland? Being a fan favourite? Doing well? It's so surreal, heartwarming and almost overwhelming 😭😭

As for our neighbour, Swedening it up is a great term 😄 Sweden has learned that the best recipe is to combine a catchy pop song with a charismatic performed, throw in a stage prop nobody else has and voilà, top-10 guaranteed.

I’ve heard Eurovision fans talking about the whole contest Swedifying, not only because Sweden tends to get great results, but has a say in the rules and conventions of Eurovision itself (pre-decided running order came to action in 2013 and current voting system in 2016 – both when Sweden hosted). I’m not a music professional by any stretch of imagination, but Sweden’s reputation as the (hit) pop songwriting factory has also strongly influenced the diversity of the entries we get in Eurovision, and many fans including myself are not keen on that.

Just to give one example, in Eurovision 2017 seven entries were partly or entirely written by Swedish people. Those were of course Sweden, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Ireland, North Macedonia and Serbia. The last three were written by the same person, Joacim Bo Persson. Sweden’s songwriting legend Thomas G:son has reached Eurovision 13 times, for seven different countries, and competed against himself in 2007 (Norway & Spain), 2012 (Sweden & Spain), 2015 (Georgia & Spain) and 2016 (Georgia & Cyprus). Some people see using Swedish songwriters as a guarantee of quality, some see it making the contest more boring. I’m with the latter. For me Eurovision is about showing and promoting the songwriting, staging, styling and performing abilities of ones own country with preferably some local flavour thrown in as well. Same songwriters competing for multiple countries in a continent-wide competition just feels wrong and unfair, and I wish more of those had faith in their music industry instead of going the safe and predictable Swedish popfactory route (looking at Malta, Azerbaijan and Cyprus).

In fairness we must bring up that not all of the most prominent Eurovision writers are Swedish. We have the likes of: - Ralph Siegel from Germany, who has made it to Eurovision astounding 24 times for five different countries and competed against himself in 1980 (Luxembourg & Germany) - Boris Milanov from Bulgaria who has made it to Eurovision 12 times for seven different countries and competed against himself in 2017 (North Macedonia & Serbia), 2019 (Azerbaijan & Malta) and 2020 (Bulgaria, Germany and Malta). - Philipp Kirkorov from Russia, who made it to Eurovision nine times for four different countries (but never competed against himself 😕)

#Euphoria was written by Thomas G:son and Peter Boström #guess who wrote Tattoo this year 😊#*chuckles* we're in danger #and before someone points out Sweden's results in 2013 and 2021: Robin didn't have a prop and Tusse couldn't sing #asks #eurovision #sweden #finland #2023 #eurovision song contest #esc

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lunetual · 1 year

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♡ HAPPY CHANGKYUN DAY ♡ happy happy birthday to monsta x’s forever maknae, who despite turning 27 years old and fully being an adult, is still undoubtedly regarded by his hyungs as not-quite-grown-up yet. wishing him a lovely day and an even lovelier year as he so very much deserves!!

quick cc note: hehe here we goooo! buckle in we’re in for a long ride etc. you’re all used to this by now! changkyun is so very dear to me in such a specific way where i can’t think about him for too long or i’m at risk of crying. you know? he occupies such a particular place within the group and in my heart.

i definitely don’t claim to know what’s going on behind the scenes or pretend to exactly understand anyone’s state of mind except my own... but doesn’t changkyun seem lighter these days? i think in general changkyun loves the stage and loves music, and you can always tell that. he’s always been happy when he’s out there under the stage lights all mic’d up. but this past promotional period he has seemed so relaxed and happy and comfortable like he has been GLOWING!! that impossibly charming silliness that sometimes shows itself has been spilling out of him!!! and it makes me so so happy because he deserves that! like doesn’t it do your heart good to see him thriving!!

i have such a soft spot for him for a myriad of reasons but one of them is that it’s because i know that so much of this job kind of goes. against his instincts?? alkf;alsk. changkyun is by nature, so reserved a lot of the time and a lot of an idol’s job requires you to have your on switch flipped at all times. he himself has talked about it, how it doesn’t seem like a job suited for him and yet... it IS his job and it DOES suit him. and in a lot of ways, i think how introverted he is helps at his job, in that he is able to expend his energy when needed and ride that high, and then knows how to regroup and recover within himself. he’s talked about the come down from the rush of being on stage and how it’s a peculiar and acute loneliness, and how actually, he doesn’t mind it. that it’s something that you need to feel.

changkyun is just so thoughtful and introspective. i think he’d be such a good conversation partner. from now on when people ask that icebreaker question that’s like. which three people dead or alive would you want to have dinner with... i’m naming changkyun as one of the answers. i really admire the way that he can sit with his emotions and acknowledge them, and at the same time, the way that he’s like. fake it til you make it!!! like. so true king. me too. sometimes you just have to keep telling yourself that you’re fine and you just keep saying it and keep saying it until it’s true.

he’s a bundle of contradictions. he gives off this cool and fierce image while being so, so sweet to the bone, the group’s resident romantic. he quietly watches his groups antics from the side except for when his goofy sense of humor bursts out of him. he cares fiercely, so fiercely about what his people think of him — and nothing at all for his naysayers’ words. he’s incredibly introverted but loves standing in front of the crowd under the spotlight. :):

i think all the time about how changkyun really maintains a strong sense of self in an industry where it can be really hard, really brutal to do so. here are the things that stand out to me, especially: he is considerate of others, and endlessly patient with those he cares about. (thinking of: him sleeping in his studio for kihyun’s solo debut to make sure he didn’t disturb the sparse amount of sleep kihyun was getting. the way he always indulges hyungwon when hyungwon asks him to check his eyes.) he was raised with an appreciation for music and art and it shows so clearly in his identity as an artist. and along with that, growing up in a few different countries when he was younger gave him maybe a more international mindset than he would have had otherwise. he is honest in his music. he knows his worth and will make the decision that’s best for him, even when those decisions may not come easily.

i’m so excited for the future for him. like changkyun, i also believe that good times and bad times must both exist, and that one will naturally follow the other. but i hope that for him the good times always last longer than the bad ones, and that inner light that’s been shining from him keeps on dazzling us all.

im changkyun!!! i admire who you choose to be every day!! i’m really proud of you and the way you’ve had your cake and eaten it too, leaving the company and staying committed to the group and the members you love so much. i can’t wait for your solo ventures to come, i can’t wait for the group activities to come, i just can’t wait to see what comes next. this year i hope you stay happy, stay smiling. i hope you keep on betting on yourself, because you will never, never lose when you do. with all the love and support, always. rooting for you, cheering for you. with you every step of the way.

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ghostchasersmagazine · 2 months

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I do wish Alex Super and his band were used more, they had some really unique designs, and a lot of character potential [especially Ray, he barely had anything to do] and it's a shame that Scooby Doo Frankencreepy just reduced them to a brief mention of the band breaking up. Which I personally don't like, as even though Lila betrayed the group, I feel like they would've been close enough that they could pull through and move on, maybe even find a new back-up singer. Back to Alex and Butch meeting, how would Butch and The Sundance Kids react to learning about how Lila and Roger betrayed Alex and his band?

I would have liked to see them pop up more often, yeah (though I think all of the Scooby gang's friend characters should be allowed to make appearances again in general.) Their designs have that sort of "time capsule" vibe I like, and I feel like could be referenced whenever the Scooby gang runs into a vaguely music-related mystery.

I personally feel like it was Deke who got the shortest end of the stick in terms of getting to participate in the episode proper. I don't think he got any lines until the very end of the episode and didn't even get to be in the group shot when Mamba Wamba first appeared. He nor Ray didn't really do much throughout the episode to be fair, but I always felt that Ray was used a smidge bit more.

I've never watched Frankencreepy since everything I've heard about it sounds pretty bad, but I don't like that ending for the group either. Partially because the ending of the episode itself goes against that idea - Alex was talking about merchandising the dolls at the end and showed clear signs of keeping the band going - but the other part is like you said, I do think Alex, Deke, and Ray would be close enough to want to keep going.

Admittedly, the concept of the events of the episode being so traumatic that the group decided to never play again could be an interesting path to take if it was written in a serious manner that genuinely looked at their emotions (and could even go further and look at the impact the music industry has on its young stars more generally, pulling Lila and how she was convinced by Roger to betray the band into the mix), but frankly I don't think that's what Frankencreepy was going for.

Getting back to the topic at hand, I think Butch's reaction to specifically Roger's betrayal is interesting to consider. It's shown throughout the show that Butch does have a strong respect for authority and, despite his independent nature, has no issue following orders, so I would guess that the idea of Roger, the one who had the power and essentially a guiding role, betraying the band would impact him more than the idea of Lila doing it.

As for the other Sundance Kids, I honestly haven't really thought about their reactions to the whole situation too much. The main reason they're even tagging along with Butch when he goes to meet Alex is as moral support of sorts, so they have to deal with both the awkwardness of meeting new people and figuring out how to try and comfort Butch who likely isn't going to be very open about it.

Really, the only thing I've really thought about in terms of the two bands interacting is that I think Wally would get along with the other group pretty well. Partly because he's an overall pleasant guy, but mostly because he's the one with the most genuine interest in music among the Sundance Kids, so I think he would enjoy hanging out with Alex + Deke + Ray and having people to share his interests with. (Plus, ya know, jokes about him and Alex having the same voice actor and him and Deke having similar designs.)

#tfragglesesamemupptez2 #textpost

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septembersghost · 1 year

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As a huge swiftie I was kind of disappointed and angry about Taylor loosing SOTY until I listened to just like that. It is a really beautiful song about a mom and a man who received her son's heart. I lost someone very close to me in a similar circumstance so that song actually broke me down. It is definitely a beautiful song and deserves the recognition it got. I am still disappointed at academy for Taylor(no longer angry that JLT won)but JLT is no way undeserving. This reminds me what you said. Just because we believe someone deserves it doesn't mean the person who won deserves it any less. Taylor was recognized in that category and that itself is an achievement.

bonnie raitt is a legend and i'm still a little taken aback by how some fans online talked about her (when they'd be - rightly - upset if taylor had won and was being disrespected like that), and i know from our perspective we were very invested because of all too well and its meaning to us, which i've written about so much!, and it's the songwriting award and atw10 potentially winning held special significance, BUT, it definitely doesn't make bonnie undeserving, and she wrote a very moving and soul-stirring song about grief and deep humanism. it's totally normal to feel disappointed and sad since we love all too well and it's had such a journey with us, and we support taylor, but it doesn't take anything AWAY from that! it still has all those qualities and connections. every artist nominated was there on the merit of their music, and if she had to lose, it's pretty cool that it was to someone who's been in the industry for decades creating quality work. bonnie is 73! imagine if taylor were to be recognized like that in another four decades, wouldn't that be amazing? it puts into perspective how much more time and many more chances she hopefully has ahead of her too.

i am so sorry you went through an experience like that and that the song hit you the way that it did, i'm thinking of you and hope you're okay. *hugs*

Just because we believe someone deserves it doesn't mean the person who won deserves it any less. Taylor was recognized in that category and that itself is an achievement. thank you for reading and remembering what i said. ❤❤❤ it's true, and you're right! art is SO subjective and we're always going to have our faves, but it doesn't mean that when they don't win they're worth any less, or that when someone else wins, they're not deserving, and when they DO win we can celebrate that! trying to keep remembering this.

aren't we so blessed to live in a world with a variety of art/artists/performers to choose from? i'm fretting because i know frustrating/negative discourse is bound to happen on sunday no matter what happens (in any number of categories), and it makes me anxious and i wish i wasn't, like, bracing ahead of time for it because...i just like being able to celebrate art existing. the effect it has on us and the way it can enrich and change our lives is a miracle.

#me always running out of time:#look around look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now #anonymous #letterbox #thrown out speeches #grammys 2023 #(all that said i will block aus haters on sight either way for my mental stability. as i do with t and h and e haters. multitudes 😌)

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stagefullofentertainment · 1 year

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Songs for Hazbin Hotel Characters (Playlists Series) PART 4

What to do when you’re feeling not so great, maybe melancholic or sad, yet still crave some comedy? Well, do I have a show to offer? Course I do! It features amazing music as well! This part is all about the wonderful musical world of “BoJack Horseman” animated series!

I really love this show! It made my last year more bearable. It’s the perfect kind of show for adults that really talks about the problems that many of us face later in life, heck, maybe now, and who are not only about dirty jokes, drugs and violence. I mean, the show does feature those 3 but it doesn’t take all the focus. If you know, you know. I would really recommend giving it a chance!

As for today, I shall be sharing my opinions on Hazbin characters’ opinions on the “BoJack Horseman”, give them one song to add in their own playlists and give a character that they might relate to a certain aspect.

VAGGIE

She is the one who will most likely enjoy this show. The darkness featured in it, whether it be the dark humour, worst possible characters’ decisions, the tone itself. She would indulge in it, I’m sure! A perfect show for her to spend some time relaxing after doing loads of work or from just hearing Angel talk non – stop all day. Soft moments that the show gives also help the case.

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“I guess that’s just me, honey, I guess that’s how I’m built; I try to tell you I love you and it comes out all sick”.

Kin character: Kelsey Jannings. Powerful woman in day – to – day life.

HUSK

This man loves dark stuff, you cannot prove me otherwise. Husk had lived a hard life and the afterlife did not make it easier. He had seen his fair share of humanity’s darkness, so much so, that he became kind of numb to it. Seeing it play out in the animated style, tugs on Husk’s heart strings. He will never admit, but some of the characters’ arcs makes him feel things that he thought he had long forgotten.

youtube

“We were meant to let ourselves into, let it go; Never wanted to be here”.

Kin character: Bits of BoJack Horseman and Eddie (The Dragonfly). Drunk and depressed aspects are at play there.

ALASTOR

Yes, we know that he dislikes television but that does not mean that he cannot have a guilty pleasure. I believe that he would find some interest in this show. It is about entertainment industry after all. Plus, Alastor could learn a thing or two about nowadays movie industry, plus some things about mental illness. Enlightenment on his part, if you will.

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“But they'll never know the pain; Of living with a name you never owned. Or the many years forgetting, what you know too well, that you who gave the crown, have been let down”.

Kin character: Princess Carolyn. Love the character who gets shit done and is exceptionally good at her job.

ANGEL

Angel would be 50/50 about this show. He would love its darkness and Hollywood, but a lot of characters would be too irritating for him to watch. He definitely would point fingers to his friends after some situation had happened on screen and say “That’s you!”

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“You'll find me; In a sea of dreams; Where no one cares about my words”.

Kin character: Sarah Lynn. He would relate to her story so much.

CHARLIE

Charlie would not enjoy this show too much. Aside from great mental illness and struggles that come with it representation, she wouldn’t care too much of it. It’s too real for her and Charlie wishes to escape from reality more often than to watch something that closely resembles it.

youtube

“I want you close, I want you; I won't treat you like you're typical; I want you close, I want you; I won't treat you like you're typical”.

Kin character: Todd Chavez, more so in the later seasons. Sunshine who has a bit of sadness hidden.

NIFFTY

Not her type of show. Too little real love, too much of heart ships. Too much depression, too little actual joy. Niffty does not want to sit around and watch those kinds of shows.

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“Open my love (I'm giving up); Try to run (I'm giving up); Take my heart, it's hanging out against the wind”.

Kin character: Wanda Pierce. That “red flags” line would hit her close to home.

That’s my takes and the end of part 4. I tell you, friends, this was a sensational part of my Playlist series. I may not be The Horse from Horsin’ Around, but I’m glad that you have spent some time with me!

#headcanon #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel niffty #hazbin hotel vaggie #alastor #angel dust #charlie morningstar #husk #niffty #vaggie #Playlist Series #Youtube

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ntriani · 2 months

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OQM Playlist: Life during quarantine #17

With a new life during quarantine playlist Nick Triani contemplates feeling out of touch with modern pop music and what might motivate reconnection.

Out of place and out of time During 2020, I’ve had time to reflect about myself and what I do. This year working professionally with new music has also signified a massive change in how I relate to music itself. Of course, a lot of that feeling has to do with the surreal nature of the times, but also, for the first time I don’t feel much empathy with the current bunch of mainstream musicians. And by mainstream I mean the top 20, the hit makers, this tik-tok generation of pop stars.

At 54 years of age I should just be satisfied that I’ve tried to hang in so long, tried to understand the new productions, new styles, the spotify tailored hit making process. Music from the label I run and and a lot of the music I work with has certainly been influenced or impacted by the maneuvers of the mainstream industry over the last almost ten years.

The biggest of course being the gradual move from a physical model to a streaming model, the way the public interacts with their music nowadays. That’s why during this pandemic Bandcamp‘s resistance for the artist feels so morally superior, and perhaps reflective of where our energies should be focused right now. But I digress.

The standard is in the standard There is a realisation of my own maturing of course. I have far more interest in jazz than pop nowadays – and I mean that vast catalog of old jazz (not the new retro variety.) Still, I remain in thrall to the fabric of underground music that still excites me more than ever. The other side of the picture, if you like, and what feels to me like the place where most of the interesting stuff happens. The arty side of music without getting too pompous about it.

I can’t relate to any modern pop music – it’s the sound of anemic production to me. And ultimately that’s OK – I’m not the target audience and as the critical community looks for any crumb of subversion or excitement, perhaps in these ‘difficult times’ we can let that lie for now. Or should we be asking for more from our popstars? This has nothing to do with the awful authenticity, but all to do with attitude. And yes, secretly I still care about this.

Have we still got it? Ultimately, we could look back at that premise of what gave pop music its initial spark. Yes, I’m talking about talent. Not some taught talent but a natural instinctive talent that ultimately leads to something different. We should adjust our standards beyond the level of how good the social media campaign was for any given release. A lot of that great music is still out there, a whole subculture of interest lurking deeper down. Look behind the curtain that yielded the need for Taylor Swift to dip her toe into ‘mainstream indie’ and you might be surprised at what you find. Tunes, ideas and innovation. Someone hand Antti Tuisku the new Arca album and let’s really subvert it.

I’m still willing to back the artists where my jaw drops in wonder and I’m left with the feeling of ‘how I wish I could do that.’ That great lyric, that killer vocal, making the difference and bringing the emotion. As popular music fades into nostalgia for a better time, when supposed ‘real’ popstars and personalities walked the earth, perhaps we could just ask for more from our current crop – less of the plucking from behind the supermarket till and more of the alien, out of this world variety. Yes, I’m sure I sound like an old reactionary, but Pop, make me feel somethingagain.

Is my weariness – rather than old age – a reaction to the destructive capitalism that has reduced pop music to another tier on Jeff Bezos‘s consumerist Valhalla – this has ultimately destroyed the spirit and artfulness of pop music. Could it be that it’s not the fault of the individual stars or young kids coming up through their insta/tik-tok but the structural mould of capitalism which has sucked the air out of any outlandishness and commodified it.

#OQM #playlist #pop music #nick triani #capitalism

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struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor · 1 year

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Ah, I'm afraid of posting this because I'm unsure of my own reasoning. People are going to read this and be like "Duh, we know that", or call me a Jimin anti because of the timing, which is why I also mentioned JK. I'll admit my bias because if JK had gotten that number 1 I would've been way happier, but I keep seeing ridiculous praise about his achievements on Twitter too and I think most of it is bullshit - just like that crap every solo spews about x member being hated by the company.

I don't know how to express this without sounding like I'm shitting on Jimin's hard work and talent, but Armys saying they're so proud of Jimin because he ended kpop (quoting PDogg) and because he got that number 1 on the Hot 100 without any radio play or a collab.... Did Jimin achieve those things, or was it Army? BTS don't have an industry backing them up so it's much harder for their music to be heard by the GP - unless their song is a huge hit, it's hard for the GP to listen to it. I understand this, which is why Army needs to stream and buy the fuck out of their music for it to do well. If Jimin hadn't released a song people generally loved, and if he wasn't super popular even among BTS for all the wonderful things he is and does, he would not have gotten that number 1. But claiming that Jimin achieved this feat all on his own is just untrue. Like Crazy isn't that huge of a hit and Jimin wouldn't have gotten that number 1 without the fans doing the most for him. I'm proud of Jimin too - we wouldn't do that shit for just anyone - but Army should be proud of Army too. Jimin could've worked way less and gotten similar results, simply because he's that loved and Army have been planning for his debut for a long time. Hybe also did a good job helping Army get Jimin that number 1. I honestly feel like this is, first of all, Army's achievement, just like that number 1 for LGO was all Army, or any other solo achievement. Except for Dynamite, Butter, PTD, and My Universe and a few other songs which had GP support, all the success BTS have gotten with their solos has been at least 70% because of Army. It's great that BTS are breaking down barriers and their popularity is undeniable. It's also true that BTS don't have the privilege of their music being shoved down everyone's throats, but, for the most part, BTS's music isn't the kind that goes viral - even if racism and xenophobia weren't an issue.

I don't know how to express this. I'm not trying to rain on Jimin, or BTS's, parade but fans exaggerate so much and I need to get off Army twitter. They talk about Jungkook's huge success with L&R as if Charlie's name and Army's efforts weren't half the reason why the song did well. All of these achievements are way less impressive than Army let's on. Having a fanbase this dedicated is amazing in itself, but it's like when talking about BTS's achievements Armys leave themselves out of the conversation as if they aren't the driving force behind BTS's achievements. I guess you could say this about any celebrity - they usually have money and connections backing them up and very few of them have an organic story of success like BTS's - but I wish fans acknowledged Army's role a bit more. BTS are huge - you have to be to have a fanbase getting you a number 1 on BB without any radio play or playlisting, but, at the same time, Jungkook's talent isn't the main reason why L&R did well, is it? It's why fans love him, maybe, but the song itself would've done just as well even if Jungkook had sounded bad in it.

I really don't know how to phrase this, but, essentially, bragging about BTS going viral when Armys are usually working overtime to make them viral is a bit contradictory. But I guess most things don't go viral by accident.

#bts #jimin #jungkook #text #I'll probably delete this

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 1 year

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jimin will be just fine i think, the same people who would have bought his album will as far as the already bts fans go...it's what they are going to do about engaging new people that has me worried. I love jimin I do, I think he is cute in any form he comes in, but that mullet bang hair cut will do him NO favors in the usa. people wonder why radios/new fans/ the public in general don't care for bts....it's because butter, dna, ptd are not songs that are going to be popular nor do any of them deserve a grammy. I would not have been a fan if i had not come around in 2016 and found them. those songs man, the world they created...i wish they could have performed songs in the usa on radio charts now what they did from 2016 to 2017. the world missed out if they aren't willing to look pass the superficial packaging we got with these newer songs that were the only ones to really grace the radios globally.

I also believe that being on the cute side won't really catch much people's attention if we're talking about the US. There can totally be a generally objective conversation about it, and acknowledging facts does in no way mean anything about Jimin. The US music industry is very much sex oriented, most things that blow up (that aren't Taylor Swift) are very sexual. And even Taylor had a really long phase of her career where people talked about her dating life more than they talked about her music. The amount of female rappers like Cardi or Megan that have driven the music industry for the past years... it all has a reason. It's either sex or drama. Even with kpop or when it comes to BTS members themselves, people do flock more eagerly towards something/someone sexy. So, yeah I agree that mullet and bangs and a cute sweet attitude don't really go a long way when it comes to "first impressions" outside of Korea. This doesn't mean anything particular about Jimin himself as an artist or person, it just talks about what people are more easily attracted to. If I think about Jimin's brighest moments, those that "will go down in history" (as far as people's memories go) it's always been colored hair or a sophisticated hairstyle, and really just quite different from mullet and bangs. It's not even about the hairstyle itself tbh because JK rocks it a very different way. I think it might actually be one of JK's best haircuts yet. But on Jimin it really does make him look so much younger ahahsjhfsjd

That, as a general commentary. None of that opinion actually speaks about the music or his performances. That hasn't happened yet, and I'm sure everyone will be discussing that in due time. Maybe he won't have black hair or a mullet and bangs for when he gets to post-release schedules. I don't know. I personally hope he won't, especially if he'll do promo in the US. As someone brought up in a different ask, his hair was blonde for some time in December.

On the other hand, I think here's where what you said comes into play "the world missed out if they aren't willing to look pass the superficial packaging we got with these newer songs that were the only ones to really grace the radios globally." So, like even if Jimin does promo with a vest and bangs, maybe someone will look pass the superficial packaging and check out his music. I think also that it's just brilliant that he already has a reputation of being an amazing performer and having great music, because just as first impressions are important, reputation also has a lot of weight when people decide to check out a new song or not. If you've liked someone's work once, you will come back for more and that is a universal truth, no matter how differente we all are, we're all the same in that matter.

DNA... that's mother, I'm sorry. I still feel a rush of dopamine when I hear the whistle at the beginning. I wholeheartedly agree about PTD and butter, to my own personal taste; but I'm fairly sure that BS&T for example wouldn't have blown up because it wasn't an english song. It's fair to acknowledge that they got so much more "out there" in the USA after dynamite and butter, even if the songs aren't of the greatest quality. It was huge for BTS career. And that's one example of how talking about certain facts doesn't change other things. It was their greatest moment in terms of success and achievements, but personally they were all struggling and really just feeling done with the group.

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shazzeaslightnovels · 1 year

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Aohal Devil

Author: Alkiya Ikeda (Author of Overwrite)

Illustrator: YUFOU

Label: Dengeki Bunko

Release Date: 7 October 2022

My Score: 4/5

Aruha is a high schooler who spends his days playing mobile games. One day, he forgets his phone at school and, realising that his in danger of losing out on a sweet login bonus on a mobile game, he sneaks into the school. He notices that something is going on at the rooftop and goes up there to find Ioka, his classmate who is a celebrity and model. She is enveloped by this strange fire that doesn’t seem to burn her. Aruha knows what this is: Ioka is being possessed by a devil. Devils are creatures that prey on teenagers and forcibly grant their wishes in ways that can harm the person and other people. They can be exorcised by granting the wishes of the person who is possessed. With no one else to turn to, Aruha resolves to grant Ioka’s wishes and exorcise the devil.

I really enjoyed Ikeda’s debut series, Overwrite, so I was excited for this one when it was announced and it definitely met my expectations. It was so easy to read with an interesting story and engaging characters. The pacing was excellent as well. I appreciated the focus on modelling and the fashion industry and felt like I had more of an appreciation for fashion by the time I finished the volume. There were also these little touches here and there that I liked that made the teenagers feel more realistic - like Aruha being into mobile games and him not owning a CD drive so he can’t listen to a CD that his friend lends him. Stuff like that made the characters feel like real teenagers. The plot did remind me a lot of the Seishun Buta Yarou series at the start but it does enough to distinguish itself from that series that it never felt like a copycat.

Aruha was a bit of a frustrating protagonist with how terrible he was at being honest with Ioka at certain points in the story but I did like him. Ioka is a pushy character with a lot of flaws and I found her very interesting and became very invested in her story. Aruha has a friend called Miu who is into rock music and she seems pretty cool and I think she’s going to be the heroine of the second volume so that should be interesting. There’s also Rosy who is Ioka’s modelling rival, despite still being a middle schooler. She’s very confident and selfish but she does get a bit of growth throughout the story. Finally, there’s Sai, the mentor character. She is a the school nurse and was best friends with Aruha’s older sister, and she is the reason why Aruha knows about the devils as she studies them.

I thought this was a really good start to a new series and I’m interested to see where the story goes from here. The main reason why I didn’t rate this volume a full 5/5 is because of Aruha. Like I said, there points where he becomes very frustrating with the way that he talks to Ioka and tries to resolve the conflict and it made the story frustrating to read as result and made some of the conflict feel manufactured and unnecessary. I still enjoyed it but that was annoying.

It seems like Miu is going to be the heroine of volume 2 so I’m hoping that Ioka still gets some focus and isn’t completely forgotten about. I also hope modelling and fashion are still something of a focus as well and the story doesn’t shift to being just about rock music. Aruha’s older sister does not appear in this volume and there are some hints that something happened to her while she was investigating a devil so I’m interested to learn more about that.

I’d recommend this to someone who wants to read a high school drama with a supernatural element. I also think this would be a good one to read if you’re learning Japanese and are bored of romcoms but don’t feel ready to read a fantasy yet as this one is super easy to read and the supernatural element means that there are a couple of parts that use language that you would find in a fantasy series but those parts are few and far between making the volume an easy read overall. This is my favourite debut series that I’ve read this year so far, not that there’s much competition, so I definitely recommend it if you want something new to read.

#Aohal Devil #Akiya Ikeda #YUFOU #Dengeki Bunko #December 2022 #4 stars #2022 releases

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enthusiasticharry · 3 years

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Lonely this Christmas

summary: you and Harry broke up earlier in the year, but at Columbia’s Christmas party you see each other again, and you both realise just how much you miss each other

author's note: ahhhh i don’t think i've ever been so excited to post one of my works as i am this one and i hope you all enjoy my baby. the reader in this is musician!yn and i have so many other ideas for the little story line, so if you'd like to hear them, please let me know!

word count: 11k of baso angst, really fluffy fluff and some of the best smut I think i’ve ever written. there’s deepthroating... face-sitting... really just the whole shebang.

masterlist | please speak to me about LTC here!

You truly believed that Christmas was the best time of the year.

You loved everything about the festive time of year. From decorating the house, to listening to the music. From spending time with your family, to cosying up on the sofa and watching Christmas films. It was a special time of year, where everyone seemed to relax and walk around with joyous looks on their faces because no matter the year they’d have, it was nearly over and it’s finally time to celebrate the best aspects of the time that had passed.

You found yourself thankful for the year, but also thankful that it was over. This year had been one of the best, but also one of the worst years of your life. The thing that caused the year to not be the best that it could was the split you had with your long-term boyfriend. It was messy, and absolutely heartbreaking on your side and because it was such a big part of the year, it became one of the memories that you wished to ignore but you found yourself struggling too. On a brighter side, you had won your first Brit award this year for Best New Artist. It was a turning point in your career, for certain.

One thing that you’ve never enjoyed about Christmas is parties. You would much rather stay within the walls of your own house and spend your evenings alone, but being in the industry that you are it becomes a little harder. The Columbia Christmas Party happen’s every year, but this was you first year signed to the Record Label, so the first year you had been invited. You were shocked to be invited, but found yourself to be excited and dreading the experience all at once.

The thing that you found yourself thinking and worrying about the most was what you were going to wear. You wanted to impress everyone there, since you had found this new stardom for yourself and you had created this name for yourself which you hadn’t had before. After consulting with your stylist, you settled on a custom Gucci dress that was made for you to wear specifically to this event. The dress itself was a Christmas-green velvet material, which landed to about your mid-thigh with a square neckline. Attached to the square straps of the neckline, were tulle sleeves of the same colour that bunched at your wrists. It hugged your curves perfectly and once you’d added your black scrappy heels you really felt beautiful. Your natural features are accentuated, and you, for the first time in a long time, feel beautiful within your own skin.

That all changed the second you walked into the party.

You felt as though all eyes were on you, as though everyone was watching every step that you took to see what you’d do. It made you feel uncomfortable and immediately feel as though the dress you are wearing wasn’t right, it was too short and you needed to cover up. You were maybe 98% certain that they weren’t thinking about what you were wearing, but more so who you’ve just clocked eyes with.

You knew he was going to be here, and you had prepared yourself for the inevitable, but seeing him stood there completely changed everything that you had prepared for. You both were signed to the same record label, years after the two of you had met though, so it was no surprise that he was sat at one of the tables with a group of people around him as he spoke and laughed at what they were all taking about.

You tried to ignore the pinch within your heart, but it was hard. You weren’t the one who broke it off, and if things had gone according to your plan, you would still be together right now.

You had met Harry a few years ago, when you had first moved to London and you were bar and pub hopping, singing and hoping that you’d somehow stumble upon someone who could help you start your career. It was completely by accident that you both had met, and looking back at it quite embarrassing on your part. You were in the middle of your set when he walked in, as well as Mitch and Sarah, but you hadn’t seen them at that point. You had recently learnt how to play Sign of the Times on the piano and you had purposely brought your small keyboard out with you so you could play the song. Looking back on it, you probably wouldn’t have sung the song if you did know that he was there, but you didn’t know so you sung it. It was a little shaky at the start due to your nerves about playing the song for the first time out of the comfort of your room but you quickly found your groove, and you finished strong. Harry had later told you that, after a little bit of teasing from Mitch and Sarah, he knew that from how in awe he was of you he just had to speak to you. He walked up to you whilst you were in the middle of throwing your celebratory shot back that you always take after finishing your set and the first thing you ever said to him was, “Fuck!”

You always thought that would be a story you’d be able to tell your grandchildren, and you both had even spoken about it, but it just hadn’t worked out.

He seemed okay, which you were happy about. His new album had just come out, and you don’t think you’ve ever cried at a record as you did at that one. You knew it was about you, it was hard not to. All of the little hints that he left throughout his songs would blow over anyone else head, but you knew the true meaning of them and you think that’s one of the reasons you found it so emotional. He was smiling as he spoke to the people, briefly taking sips of his drink every now and then, which was only water so you wondered whether he’d drove there. You both would be flying home soon, but this would be the first time in three years that you’d be flying home alone.

To stop yourself from crying, you quickly make you way over to the bar. After running your eyes over the cocktail menu, your eyes immediately pricked at the sight of one, and you could stop the words as they left your lips: “A cherry bomb fizz please.”

You watched as the bartender added a cherry and some maraschino liqueur, before topping the drink off with Champagne. The drink was quite sour, but you quite liked it. It caused your lips to purse and eyebrows to widen, in a good way you must add.

“Could never handle your alcohol, could you?”

You could feel him before you heard him, but you didn’t want to turn around. Why he felt it okay to come up and talk to you were unsure about, but at the same time you had been hoping that he would. Why you were hoping that he would you were also unsure about, but you’re certain it had something to do with the fact that you weren’t quite over him.

“I think you’re mistaken.” You say, taking another sip of your drink, “You were the one who could never handle your alcohol. And this is just sour.”

He hums, as though he isn’t believing a word that you say, “If you say so, love.”

“Love?” You say, raising your eyebrow at him whilst throwing back the rest of your drink, “Thought those days were well over.”

“Force of habit, ‘suppose.” He shrugs, “I have a few of them when it comes to you.”

“You grew out of them.” I shrug, “Can’t remember the last time you called me love whilst we were together.”

He drops his eyes to the counter, and you know you’ve done what you’re supposed to. This is the first time you’ve spoken to since you broke up, and you can’t believe that it’s at a Christmas party of all places. He also had the audacity to call you love, something that you couldn’t believe he had the balls to do. The last few months of your relationship you were lucky if he even looked at you, and here he now was calling you love as though it’s totally okay to do so.

“I’ll always call you love.” He says, lifting his eyes up from the counter to look at you once more, “I’ll always care about you.”

“Where was this five months ago?” You ask, unable to stop yourself.

Your break up, in your opinion, came out of nowhere. You knew something had changed in your relationship, since he hardy had the time for you at the end of your time together. He’d get up in the morning and wouldn’t touch, or even kiss you. Then, when he’d come home it would be the exact same thing, he’d slip into bed and to stop yourself from feeling as though you were going to cry, you’d pretend you were asleep and hope that you’d actually fall asleep. He never told you a reason for breaking up with you, apart from that he needed space and that he couldn’t be with you. That was probably the thing that hurt you the most. He broke up with you, but you never really had a real reason why.

“I just needed to leave.” He says, “That was my main focus.”

You try to ignore your heart breaking all over again but it’s hard to, when it’s the only thing you can think about.

“Why now?” You say, “Why are you doing this now?”

“YN—”

You shake your head, “I don’t think I want to hear it. I’m going to go.”

“Don’t—”

“—YN!” You feel an arm thrown around your shoulder, one that you immediately realise is Jeff once you register his voice and his face once you turn to him, “I haven’t seen you in months! How are you?”

You can immediately tell that he’s drunk. From the slight slurring of his words, to the smell of alcohol on his breath as he speaks. You’re just as shocked to see him as he is to see you.

“I’m good, Jeff, thanks.” You smile, at him, trying to push the conversation you’ve just had with his friend out of your mind, “How are you?”

“I’m drunk.” He laughs, squeezing your shoulder slightly, “But! I’s nice to see you two together again!”

The whole ignoring the situation doesn’t quite go to plan. Once he’s said those words you immediately draw your eyes towards Harry. You’ve never wanted to leave a conversation as much as you did this one. You look at Harry, but he isn’t looking at you.

He gasps, “You should come over to the table! We’re all here and it’ll just be like old times.”

“I couldn’t possibly. . .” You shake your head.

“You can!” He says, “Come on, I won’t take no for an answer! And H, hurry up with those drinks.”

Jeff walks you away from the bar and towards the table that you noticed earlier when you noticed Harry for the first time this evening. Glenne, Mitch and Sarah are there, as well as Kid and a few other producers that you recognise from working on Harry’s album, as well as a few songs from yours also. You knew that just because you and Harry broke up you couldn’t expect the friendships that had formed because of you two to just stop altogether.

“YN!” There’s a course of cheers and Sarah’s the first to stand up and wrap her arms around you. Out of everyone, Sarah was the person who you were closest with out of Harry’s band. She had joined Harry’s band after you and Harry had been dating for a year or so when Sarah joined the band, and you two instantly clicked and became the closest of friends. You had spoken a few times with her since you had broke up, but nothing compared to what you used to. You weren’t surprised though, she was Harry’s drummer first and your friend after — or that’s what you told yourself to make you feel slightly better.

“Hi.” You smile, dropping down into the spare seat next to Sarah. Words are thrown around the table of glee that you’re there, as well as questions as to why you haven’t been in contact. You know they’re drunk, and you suspect that is why they’re saying all of the things they are. You were quick to fall out of the conversation as it moved onto the show that they did the day prior to celebrate the release of Harry’s album. You suppose the reason your feelings were so heightened today was due to your hearing the album for the first time yesterday and then replaying it today.

It was completely different to Harry Styles but still so Harry. You hated how his music made your feel, the sad and the happy ones, as well as all in between. Harry returned to the table shorty after clutching drinks in his hands, and under his arms. Why he didn’t just make two trips, you would never know, but it’s lucky that all the drinks made it without any spillages.

“We were just talking about yesterday.” Glenne says, taking a sip of her drink as she does before turning towards you, “Have you heard the album, YN?”

“You don’t have too—” Harry turns to your briefly.

“I have.” You nod, “It’s good, a masterpiece even. You should be proud of it, H.”

You can see his shoulder tense, and from knowing him as well as you do, you wouldn’t be surprised if his heart just sunk to the bottom of his stomach. If you’ve listened to the album, it means that you’ve heard the song that Harry hoped you hadn’t.

“What would you say is your favourite?”

You look directly at him as you say the next words, and you hope he listens to them, “Probably Cherry.”

The other’s carry on talking as though you hadn’t said anything at all, but Harry doesn’t open his mouth again. He doesn’t stop looking at you though, and the way you look gorgeously defeated. A part of him wondered whether he was the one who caused you to be this way. About a month ago he asked some producers he knew that were working on your album with you how you are, and they said that you just seemed sad. It broke him to hear those words, just the words he had said to you all those months ago had broken you. Out of the blue, probably not but due to you not paying any attention, the group all move in, including you and Harry to have a reminiscent group photo.

He does open his mouth again when the group disperse to the dance floor, leaving the two of you all alone at the table.

“I’m sorry.”

You don’t lift your eyes up from the end of the table cloth you’re messing with, an exasperated laugh leaving your lips, “What for? Breaking up with me? Taking everything from me? Or, I don’t know, using that in your song?”

“I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

“You thought I wouldn’t mind.” You shake your head, completely baffled at his words, “Why would you think that? I trusted you with that, and now it’s on the end of one of your songs.”

“I’m sorry about everything, but especially that.” He says, and you can tell he’s being genuine with the look in his eyes. He looks as though he’s about to cry.

“Why did you do it?” I asks, “You could’ve asked me. I would’ve said yes, I swear to you.”

“I was nervous.” He says, “We didn’t leave on the best of terms, and I felt as though asking would’ve have been the best.”

“So you decided to do it anyway?”

“Will you forgive me, please?” He asks, and you can tell his voice is about to break, “Please.”

“That’s it, Harry.” You say, “I don’t think I can.”

The next morning you awake with a slight hangover, which wasn’t surprising because once you’d left quickly after saying your last words to Harry, and opened a bottle of vodka that you had in your cupboard. That bottle now sits on your bedside table, three-quarters of it drunk and the cause of your hangover. You were thankful that you hadn’t gotten too drunk before you left the party, due to the wraths of paparazzi that were there as you left. You remember leaving with your head down, ignoring their calls and questions, as well as their their cameras flashed at you. You had gotten into your car, your driver had smiled at you and the second the car started moving away from the club you found yourself unable to stop the tears that streamed down your face.

This wasn’t the first time that you’d done this since you’ve broken up with Harry, but this was certainly the worse you’ve felt since you’ve done so. Your head had its own heartbeat, and you felt as though your were stable on your feet as you trudged towards the kitchen to have some orange juice, your remedy for your hangovers to say the least. It was always something that Harry thought ahead about when you were together. If he knew that the two of you were going out he’d always stock up the fridge. The amounts of time since that you’ve gotten drunk and not had any orange juice within the house is quite atrocious and he knew from experience that they never ended well.

You drink your first glass of the drink quickly, and pour your second one before making you way back into your bedroom. Due to the amount of time you spent in LA, you had purchased your second apartment here, your first being in London. It wasn’t the nicest ever, but it was good enough for you when you were here, and something that you were thankful to have when you woke up from nights like these.

You fall back down upon your bed and the first you think you pick up is your phone, shocked at the thousands of notifications your found on it. You’re still slightly asleep so you rub your eyes a few times before clicking upon the instagram app. The thousands of notifications are dm’s and comments upon your photos. After clicking through the notifications, you find the culprit sat with a lovely love heart emoji on Glenne’s story.

At some point that morning, probably whilst you were growing your sorrows away with vodka, she had posted the photo of you all on her story with the caption ‘the band’s back together,’ a heart emoji and tagged you in it. All the messages were asking whether you and Harry were back together again, not because you’d ever gone public with your relationship, but Harry had gone public with your breakup in his interview with the Rolling Stones and with Zane Lowe. He was very respectful in the way that he spoke about it, which was all you ask for. You hadn’t actively gone out to watch and read what he was saying, but your manager had warned you about them before you had done some interviews and you were curious to say the least what they were about.

In the photo you could tell that you and Harry were the only ones who were sober. Everyone else had drunken grins on their faces whilst you and Harry, to say the least, had very uncomfortable smiles across both of your lips. It annoyed you slightly that the two of you couldn’t even be in the same place anymore without having messages upon messages about whether or not you’re back together. Anyone with a brain could see that you certainly weren’t just by the expression on both of your faces.

You weren’t annoyed, or angry that the photo had been posted because you wouldn’t have taken the photo if you didn’t want it to be posted, but you did take the photo. You were always taking photos together before the breakup, and photo booths were you speciality. It’s another thing that you had hardly done since the breakup, so it was nice to see the photo but deep down a part of you wished that it hadn’t have been taken.

It’s all over all of the social media’s, and you decide that it’s probably best if you just put your phone down. You’re about place it on your bedside table when a notification pops up on the top of your screen, and without thinking, you tap on it, sending you straight to the messages app and to who had sent you the message.

Harry: YN?

Why he was sending you a message in the first place, you had no idea. Why he was messaging your so early in the morning was also something that confused you even more.

Harry: I know you’re reading this.

Harry: Your read receipts are on.

You curse yourself for being so click-happy when you see a notification, and more so for having your read receipts on because you know you can remove them but you don’t quite know how to. You contemplate for a few seconds what to say in your drunken, tired haze, before typing out the message:

YN: Can I help you?

His reply comes in a few seconds later.

Harry: Are you free?

YN: Why?

Harry: Meet me at Beachwood. Usual time.

YN: Why should I?

Harry: Just be there. Please.

YN: I will.

When you walk down the pavement towards the Beachwood Cafe, its as though you’re doing so without actually thinking about it. When you and Harry were together — this was your place. You can’t even remember the amount of dates the two of you have had here, tucked away in the corner whilst the music played, chatting away endlessly about things that popped into each of your minds. It got to the point that when you two were free, and managed to get to go, you had been that much that the waitresses knew your order by memory. The first time they had done it, you remember the way you both smiled sheepishly at each other and back at the waitress.

It was decorated for Christmas. You could see a tree in the corner of the cafe, as well as lights and tinsel across the windows. If you weren’t so nervous you probably would have smiled at the sight of it.

You push the door open and hear the familiar ding of a bell that rings whenever someone walks through, and you’re catapulted back to last year when you did the exact same thing but with a smile on your face from your excitement of seeing your boyfriend, one who you cared and loved very much.

The low hum of Mud’s Lonely this Christmas fills the room, very apt for the current situation and you’re guessing the mood of the conversation you’re about to have. It was late, close to closing time but you and Harry found that to be the best time to come, because hardly anybody else did.

He’s already sat at your usual table, the one in the corner because the two of you often liked to people watch. It had started off a silly game once when you were both tired and didn’t really want to talk about your lives, so you started brainstorming what other people’s were like. As much as you hated to admit it, Harry’s stories were always the better of the two of you but you didn’t mind, because you could little to the words he spoke to you for every minute for the rest of your life and you wouldn’t mind.

He’s already gotten your drinks, you can see the two glasses upon the table in front of him. You pull out the chair, making him look up from his phone at you. You can see his features immediately soften at the sight of you stood there.

They always used to do that.

“I thought you weren’t coming.” You don’t reply, “I got you a peppermint hot chocolate. I know It’s one of your favourites.”

It was one of your favourites, and you haven’t been able to have one in a while because, surprise surprise, they remind you of Harry, and the time you used to spend together.

“Thank you.” You say, picking up the drink and taking a sip of the hot liquid, dropping it back down and looking at him directly in the eyes, “Why did you invite me here?”

He clears his throat, and the movements of his elbows suggest he’s wiping his hands upon his trousers.

“I want to apologise. For everything, this time.” He says, and you watch as he places his hands back upon the table, messing with the rings on his hand. He still wore the one you got him for your anniversary a year ago, “For how I acted yesterday, the day we broke up and the months before hand. I was a dick, and there’s no excuse for it, but I just hope that you accept my apology.”

“I do.” You say, after a couple of seconds of contemplation, knowing that there was no point to having this dragged out for any longer than it already was, “I just want to know why, that’s all I want.”

“I.” He stops and lets out a shaky breath, “I don’t know, if I’m honest with you. I was just so investing into getting the album finished, and for some reason in my mind I thought that it would be best if I was single to do that.”

“Why would you think that?” You ask, the tears brimming on your waterline.

“I don’t know. The second I watched you walk out of the door, and when you didn’t turn around to look again but just drove away, I knew I’d messed up.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You choke back a sob, trying to be quiet to not draw attention to the two of you, “You should’ve stopped me. Explained. I love you Harry, I would have done anything to help you. You needed space, I would’ve given it to you. You needed me, I would’ve been there.”

He drops his head, “I know.”

“Then why didn’t you?” You suck in a breath and bite your head to stop anymore sounds from escaping, “You let me leave. You watched me leave. Why didn’t you stop me?”

“I felt guilty. I’d just broken up with you, love, do you really think that it would’ve been a good idea for me to all of a sudden say I wanted you back?”

Silent tears stream down your face, “You had months to, Harry. Months. You did nothing.”

“And it’ll be the biggest regret of my life, YN, I promise you.” He says, and you can tell that he’s trying to stop himself from crying, “It will be. I’ve been a mess without you.”

You still love Harry, and you know that you do, and you hate seeing him so upset. You believe that’s why you reach forward to take his hand in yours.

“I have too.”

Somehow, you and Harry had been booked on the same flight home, and you managed to get seats next to each other. Spending that time next to each other was good, you believed. It gave you the opportunity to properly speak and catch each other up on everything that had happened. Harry had apologised, yet again, for everything that had happened and you had too. You gushed over his album once you had done, and that was when he invited you to the Secret London Show he was holding at the Electric Ballroom.

That takes you to now, stood in front of your mirror looking over your outfit to make sure that it was presentable enough. You knew you had to look presentable, but it wasn’t as fancy as the Christmas party. You dressed yourself in a long sleeved black lace top, and paired it with some black jean flares and your docs. Simple, yet quite effective in the grand scheme of things.

You were nervous to say the least about what what the evening was going to hold, especially since Gemma and other people who you hadn’t seen since the two of you broke up were going to be there. You weren’t exactly prepared, and if they asked you any questions you’d have no idea about what to say, but once you had brought that up with Harry, he said to just answer with the truth, which you were going to.

The entire way to the electric ballroom you were nervous, your heart was beating out of you chest and you felt as though you shouldn’t have been going. You thought that up until you arrived, when you walked backstage to see Harry and Gemma stood talking whilst Harry was getting ready. Once he saw you, his features rose into a smile and yours did too, and you walked over to press a kiss to his cheek in greeting.

“YN!” You could hear the shock in Gemma’s voice as she noticed that it was you and she immediately stood up and wrapped her arms around you, “I haven’t seen you in so long. How are you?”

“I’m okay, thanks Gem.” You smiled, pulling away and tucking some of your hair behind your ear, “How are you?”

“I’m amazing.” She says, “I certainly didn’t expect you to be here. Are you two back together? Please tell me that you are.”

Instead of answering straight away, you turn to look at Harry briefly. You both knew exactly what was running through your brains, and the way you both smiled at each other made that completely obvious. He nodded, and then you knew exactly what to say.

You grin and turn back to Gemma, “Trying to.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you.” She wraps you in another hug, “He was a mess without you, and I know you were a mess without him. You’re soulmates. I can’t believe he even did it in the first place.”

“I think we all couldn’t.” You laugh.

“Hey!” Harry whines from the chair beside the two of you, “I made a mistake, we all get it.”

You and Gemma laugh and from then it’s like the past six months hadn’t happened and you were still the best of friends. That was one thing about being with Harry, you loved his family just as much as you loved him. Gemma was like a sister to you, and she was even when you broke up but you just hadn’t seen her. Anne, well she was like a second mother to you. She always made sure to make you feel included at family gatherings, and she even came to stay with you sometimes when Harry went away for a while and you couldn’t go with him. You had missed Harry the most during this time, but Anne and Gemma were two people that you had also missed more than anything.

The majority of people make their way to where they’re watching the show soon after, but you tell Gemma that you’ll meet her on the balcony later because you wanted to have a quick word with Harry. He was in the middle of shrugging his jacket upon his shoulders when you walked through the door, and he immediately stopped his movements and turned to look at you.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Everything okay?”

You shrug and bite your lip, stepping for arms a few steps towards him, “Just wanted to see you.”

You find your eyes flicking up and down his body, taking in the monochrome yellow suit he had on with a black tie. You always loved and supported Harry’s wardrobe choices, and you had missed in the time you hadn’t been with him picking them out with him. You felt as though this was an excellent choice.

“You look amazing.” He says, taking a few steps forward so that you’re directly in front of each other. You watch as he lifts his hands up, about to place them on your waist but he stops himself and drops his arms back down. Without hesitation you grab his wrists and place them upon your waist. His eyes widen, but the second he feels your skin underneath his hand, just separated by the thin material of your lace top.

“Thank you.” You bite your lip and wrap your fingers around his tie, lightly picking up the material, “You look so handsome, H.”

He almost lets out a sob at your words, but he quickly stops himself and smiles at you. Without thinking, you lean forward and press your lips upon his. They feel so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. You want to cry. You’ve dreamt of this for months, the feeling of having him this closer to you again, and from the way he wraps his arms around your back and pulls you even closer to him, so that your body is fully flushed against his. You pull away with a smile and immediately drop your head to his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist under his jacket and hugging him close to you. You finally feel a tear escape from your eye.

“I’ve missed you so much, H.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

He sings the entire Fine Line album from start to finish, and from how much you’ve listened to the album you actually know the majority of the words. You sing and dance away with Gemma, posting instagram stories of the two of you, and then one of how proud you are of Harry. You don’t need to explain yourself, there certainly isn’t a need to so you do so without any hesitation. You realise you’ve missed watching him perform, the way he can entertain a crowd with his talents has always been something you’d been jealous of. You’ve done shows here and there but because your album isn’t due to be out until the start of next year, when you plan to do your first world tour, and even though you try your hardest, you don’t feel as though you’ll ever be able to work a crowd the way he does. Where Stormzy came from, you still have no idea, since you hadn’t seen him downstairs but all of a sudden he’s singing Vossi Bop with Harry and your watching with your mouth dropped open in shock as he does so.

You and Harry make the executive decision to go to Harry’s house after the concert. It’s how you both found yourselves sat on Harry’s sofa, a glass of wine in each of your hands. You head is leant against the back of the sofa, whilst Harry’s hand leans upon the back of it, running his fingers through your hair. It’s comforting, and the smile hasn’t left your face since he started to do it.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, moving his hand from your hair to run his finger along your cheekbone, then down until he’s running it across your lips, “I can’t believe I ever pushed you away. You were my girl. I was going to marry you, I needed to marry you, still do.”

“I’m back now.” You whisper back, lifting your hand to place on his cheek, “And I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard you try and push me away, I’m not leaving.”

“I don’t want you too.” He shakes his head, “I’ll never want you too again.”

Without really thinking, you take the glass out of Harry’s hand and place both of yours upon the table in front of you, listening to the sound as glass meets glass. He leans back on the sofa with a puzzled look, immediately realising what is happening when you move to straddle his hips, placing your hands upon his shoulders to steady yourself. His hands fall upon the small of your back, his hands dragging up and down to tease your skin.

You lean forward, moving so that your faces are inches apart. You knock his nose slightly with yours, causing his cheeks to curl upwards with a smile before you capture it with your lips. immediately responds by kissing your back, pushing his body so that it’s placed even closer to yours if it’s physically possible.

Without a warning you pull away from him, slipping off his lap so that you’re on your knees in front of him. His eyes never leave yours as you so, and he immediately opens his legs so that you can slip in between them, his finger running over his bottom lip as he watches you.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Want to feel you.” You reply, resting your hands upon his thighs, “Want to feel you in my mouth. Can I?”

“Go ahead, baby.”

You feel excitement bubbling in the pit of your stomach, and with shaky hands you move to unfasten his belt, and unbutton and unzip his trousers without much struggle. He lifts his hips up so that you can manoeuvre his trousers down and off his legs, leaving him in his black boxers. You bite your lip at the sight of the tent within the flimsy material, already growing and ready for you. You feel slightly overwhelmed that after so long of waiting, and wanting him to be in front of you again, he actually is.

“Already so hard for me, H.” You say, running your hand over the fuzz upon his bare thighs, “Have you thought about this as much as I have.”

“I thought about it everyday.” He replies, quickly at that, “It’s etched in my brain, the sight of you on your knees for me.”

You bite your lip as your grin, leaning to press a kiss to his stomach, just above the happy little trial that slips underneath the hem of his boxers. You feel his stomach tense underneath your lips, especially when you hook your fingers into the hem of his boxers, wiggling the material down until you can completely take it off once he’d lifted his hips again. He’s fully hard for you, and you can feel your stomach doing little flips in excitement for what is going to happen.

Sex, as it is in most relationships, was a big part of yours and Harry’s. It’s important that couples are comfortable with each other when revealing such intimate parts of themselves, and you and Harry were. If any of of you wanted to try anything, you could do so because of how comfortable you felt with each other. Whenever the other wanted to try anything, you’d do so without any hesitation and in such a way that you both enjoyed it. You both had your kinks, and your shared ones, and over the courser of your relationship you both explored those feelings. You were just happy that even though you had spent such time away from each other, you could still feel that confidence bubbling between the two of you, and those feelings bubbling between each other. Harry made you feel a way no other human being has ever been able to, and you were thankful because you felt as though you’d never be able to find that with anyone else, and now you didn’t have to worry because you were back together.

“You ready to take me in your mouth baby.” He says, placing his hand upon your cheek, “Ready to take me the way you used to.”

“Always, baby.”

Your tongue slips from between your lips and you lick a stripe up his throbbing cock, causing a low groan to escape through Harry’s lips. You can’t help but smile at the sound, knowing that you had caused that. Another groan escapes his lips once you wrap your lips around his tip completely, taking it into your mouth and you can help but giggle slightly. He smiles down at you and pulls your hair up so that it’s off of your face, making a makeshift ponytail to help move you up and down his cock.

“Look so good with my cock in your mouth.” His tongue slips out of his mouth to wet his lips, “Always could take me so well. Show me, baby, show me how deep you can go.”

You comply, taking him as deep as you can until you can feel him in the back of your throat. You eyes start to water, and you look up at him through your eyelashes. You hold for as long as possibly can before he lightens his touch and allows you to pull away. A string of saliva connects you two together as you and you wipe your lips with the back of your hand to remove it.

“Can you do it again?” He asks and you sheepishly nod, flicking your eyes between his throbbing member and him a few times before wrapping your lips back around him, “Fuck, baby, no one can do this like you can. No one.”

His words spur you on and you deep throat him as far as you possibly can before you need to gasp for air, taking a few seconds before starting to bob your head again, taking a few seconds at each time to run your tongue over his throbbing tip, collecting some of the salty pre-come that had started to bubble there.

“So good to me.” He lets you stop for a minute, and you place your head upon his thigh so that you can catch you breath. It was almost as though he knew that you needed to take a breather. You had the slight problem of always trying to do more than you’re able too and you almost always end up loosing too much of your breath, “Even though I’m an absolute twat. You’re always so good to me.”

“You deserve it.” You say, your throat a little coarse from your actions before.

“I don’t.” He shakes his head, “I broke your heart.”

You hesitate for a few seconds, “But you’re fixing it.”

“I shouldn’t have broken it in the first place.”

You move so that your higher up and able to place a kiss to his lips, whispering against them, “You’re fixing it.”

He kisses you back with more passion than before, moving his hand to grip under your thighs so that he can pick you up and place your on his. His fingers tug at the hem of your lace shirt, so you detach your lips so that you can pull it over your head. He groans at the sight of your bare chest to him, your nipples hardening into stiff buds at the feeling of the cold air immediately on your skin.

“No bra?” He presses a few open mouthed kisses to your neck, “You’ve been with me all evening, and I never even fucking noticed that you didn’t have a bra on.”

“You used to have a special talent for noticing when I didn’t have a bra on.” You giggle, sighing slightly at the feeling of his lips on his neck, and then the subtle feeling of his teeth grazing your skin.

“I must’ve lost my touch. But don’t worry.” He pulls away and looks you directly in the eye, “I’ll soon get it back.”

“Of course you will.” You laugh, but he stops it with his lips. The first time you and Harry kissed, you were so nervous. You felt as though you were going to mess up and he’d never want to kiss you again. You were completely wrong, and he actually ended up saying that it was one of the best kisses of you life. You couldn’t believe his words, and since then you completely found yourself wanting his lips to be on yours. Just as they were now, his tongue slipping between your lips and the feeling always transporting the two of you to where it’s just you, and you have the time in the world to kiss as much as you want to.

He moves his kisses down your neck, leaving sloppy ones against your skin until he was at the curve of your breast. Harry was a boob man, you knew that for a fact. As much as he loved to hold onto your ass every now and then, you always noticed that he spent the majority of his time focusing on your boobs. Whether it be sucking blemishes into the plushly skin whilst you fucked, or laying his head on them as you both calmed down from your activities, he always, without fail, focused on your boobs.

He knew that if he attacked your nipples skilfully with his tongue, he could have your dampening your panties and clenching your thighs together so much that he couldn’t resist it. He starts by wrapping his lips around your right nipple, tugging on the flesh slightly with his lips before letting it go with a pop.

“Fucking love your tits, love.” He sighs and you giggles slightly before gasping at the feeling of his pinching your other nipple with his fingers, “Fit in my hands, and in my mouth, so nicely.”

You moan in response to his words and throw your head back as he wraps his lips around your other one, sucking and sending flutters all the way down to your core. You wanted him, yearned for him, and you were beginning to grown inpatient.

“Can we go to your bedroom?” You run your fingers through his hair and pull his head back so that he’s looking at you, “Bedroom.”

“Is that where you want it?”

“Want it in your bed.” You say, placing your hand upon his cheek, “Our bed.”

He stands up with you still on him, your legs wrapped around him as he carries your upstairs. You rest your head upon his shoulder so he can look over yours and direct you safely to the comforts of his bedroom.

This place didn’t hold the best of memories from the last few months of your relationship but if you ignored that and focused on the positives, you had some of your best times in this room. It was a place where the two of you could completely be yourselves, and have a place to call yours. The pillow talk that occurred in this room was out of this world, and it was where you planned your future. One that was put on hold briefly but now seemed to be ready for the two of you again.

“Will you strip for me?” He asks as he places your down in the room, “I want to watch you slip out of those jeans, baby.”

You nod but at first undress him. You slip the jacket from his shoulders, skilfully loosen his tie and pull it over his head. Next is his shirt which you start to unbutton, but Harry grows impatient and rips it off, the buttons flying in all sorts of directions.

“Harry!”

“Oops?” He laughs, sitting down on the bed.

You had given Harry one strip tease before, for his birthday a year ago and it had gone down a treat. You had dressed up in your fanciest lingerie, which happened to be a black set that he had bought specifically for you for your birthday with ‘Styles’ embroidered on the inside. There was something, for the both of you, that you loved about seeing his name all over your the undergarments you wore. Whenever you wore them out in public, the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, as though you were hiding a naughty secret that you didn’t want anyone to know about.

“Are you going to?” He urged, not taking his eyes off you’re, “I’m waiting.”

“Might make you wait a little longer.” You smile, running your fingers along the hem of your jeans, “Seeing as though you left me waiting for how long?”

“Don’t tease.”

“Why?” You shrug, “That was your speciality, wasn’t it?”

He had a love for teasing you, always had done. From the first time the two of you had sex, you knew he liked to tease. He liked to tease you all over, having your body withering under his touch until you couldn’t help but beg for him to touch you. You had a slight suspicion that he enjoyed hearing you beg for him, whimpering under his touch until you were crying for him to touch you. You remember that once, he had been teasing you all day whilst you had been out and about, but once you had gotten home he was teasing you so badly, overstimulating you over and over until you were crying for him to make your come.

“Just strip, my love.” You laugh and his words and unfasten the button to your jeans, turning around so that your ass is facing him, pulling your jeans down to reveal your black lace panties to him. You’re not surprised when he smacks his hand to the flesh of your ass, causing you to turn around with a gasp.

“That wasn’t nice.” You move so that you’re straddling him again.

“When have I ever been nice?” He raises his eyebrows, “I don’t think you want me to start now.”

He leans forward and places his lips to yours again, his body falling back upon the bed so that you’re hovering above him. His fingers run down from the small of his back, to her ass again until he’s gripping the flesh between his fingers, quite harshly you must say so which goes straight to your core. You know that the front of your panties are ruined by your wetness, and you know for certain that Harry does also.

“Sit on my face.” He mumbles against your lips.

“What?” You whisper back.

“Sit on my face.” He places a kiss to your jaw, “Wanna eat that pretty cunt, want to have you trembling above me.”

You would squeeze your thighs together, but you can’t because of his body between yours. You nod your head and clamber off him, pulling your underwear down your legs quickly. You move up the bed until you’re next to his head, spreading your legs and placing your knees on either side of his head. His hands grip your thighs, dancing his fingers along your thighs.

“Please, H.” You say, pushing his hair off of his forehead as you look down at him.

“Didn’t think you’d be begging so soon, baby.” He chuckles, pressing a few kisses upon your cheeks.

“I’m doing no such thing.” You shake your head, “You’re just being slow.”

He certainly isn’t being slow when he leans his head forward and starts to attack your clit with his tongue. You have to quickly lean forward also and grab the headboard to steady yourself, a moan escaping your lips as he does so. He attacks your clit quickly, and you can’t help but grind your hips forward at the feeling. He curls his hands around your thighs, stopping you from moving anymore. You cry out as he doesn’t slow down, and you pull his hair slightly. It emits a moan from him which vibrates against your clit, creeping your closer and closer to your peak.

It becomes a cycle. As you pull on his hair, more moans and groans tumble from his lips again sty your clit. He knew the more that he focused upon your clit, the closer you’d find yourself to your orgasm. He had learnt this, and he certainly hadn’t forgotten it.

You bite your bottom lip and close your eyes, rocking your hips back and forth against his tongue. He knows your close, due to your thighs clamping around his head. He doesn’t slow down, but instead he flicks his tongue even quicker.

“Fucking hell.” You moan, your body starting to shake as you feel your orgasm wash over you. He continues to attack your clit, coaxing you through your orgasm until you’ve finished and catching your breath.

“You taste so fucking good.” He says, dancing his fingers upon your thigh, “Missed your taste.”

“Fuck me, H.” You say, breathlessly.

He doesn’t hesitate. You manoeuvre yourself off of his head and lay so that you’re head is rested upon his pillow. He leans to open his bedside drawer but you stop him, grabbing his arm and pulling his back to you.

“Did you sleep with anyone else?” You ask, knowing that this could make or break whether you were going to be fucked or not at this moment.

“No.” He says, immediately shaking his head, “I didn’t. Did you?”

You also shake your head, “I wanna feel you, H. Want you to come in me.”

He groans without even touching you yet, or you touching him. He immediately drops his lips to yours, and you can’t help but giggle and smile into the kiss. You wrap your arms around his back and pull him closer to you. He pulls away slightly, just to grip his cock, running his thumb over his tip a few times.

“Are you sure?” He says and you nod, threading your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Please, H.” You nod, hips bucking towards his, “I need you.”

“Need you too.” He kisses you again, “Always need you.”

He leans forward, looking down between the two of you to line his cock up with your entrance. He runs the tip over your clit for a second before pushing into you. Your walls immediately envelope him, tightening around him with every inch that he moves in. You sigh against his lips, wrapping your arms around his back. He starts to move in and out of you, your walls clenching around him as he tries to find his rhythm.

“Fuck.” You can’t help but moan that into his ear.

“Taking me so well.” You drop your hands to rest on your pillows next to him, to which he takes your hand in his as he starts to quicken his pace, “Missed your pussy so much. Never leaving again.”

Instead of replying, you place your lips upon his again. From the way his eyes are screwed closed, you can tell that he’s close. If it’s possible, he starts to thrust his hips harder towards you, hitting a point so deep into you that causes a whine to fall from your mouth.

“You’re gonna come, aren’t you?” He says against your neck, moving in and out until your thighs are shaking beneath him, “Can feel you, fuck, can feel you clenching around me. Milking my cock, aren’t you?”

You hum, “Feel so good, H. I’m so close.”

When you do come, you see stars. You clench around him, and profanities escape your lips. The feeling is completely how you remember it. You hadn’t been completely celibate since breaking up with Harry, since you do own a little bullet vibrator that had been your friend. You had it for years before you met Harry, and you used it whenever he was away or if the two of you fancied spicing it up every now and then.

You come down from your high just as Harry is catapulted into his, coating your walls with his as does so. His body collapses on top of yours, his head rested at the side of yours. He’s still inside of you, and both of your chests are rising up at down at a quick pace.

“Fucking hell.” He laughs, and you turn your head to look at him. He has a grin upon his face and you lean forward to kiss his dimple, “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”

“I know.” You smiled, “You’ve told me multiple times. I’ve missed you to.”

He finally pulls out, and you immediately felt empty. You whined slightly and he moved off of you, dropping down upon the bed next to you. You take this as the opportunity to slip from your bed. Due to not having sex in a long time, you flip your legs over the edge of the bed and prepare yourself for having to take a few steps. Taking a deep breath, you stand up and waddle your way towards Harry’s bathroom, scooping up Harry’s shirt on the way.

You know the way like the back of your hand, and it’s oddly comforting to you. Once you’re in the bathroom, you clean yourself and do your business. Once you’re satisfied, you shrug Harry’s shirt on and do up a few buttons so that you’re covering at least a bit of yourself as you do so.

Harry’s underneath the covers as you return to his room, smiling at you with dimples and all as you walk back through the door. He’s on his side of the bed, and you clamber into yours. The feeling of having someone in bed next to you makes you happy inside. You lay upon your side, with one of your hands beneath you head and Harry copies your movement. Your faces are close, and he leans forward to place a kiss to your nose.

You smile, “Hi.”

“Hi, love.”

“Are you okay?” You ask and he nods, “Do you think we’ve rushed this?”

“No.” He’s quick to say, “I don’t think we have. We needed this. I’ve never felt closer to someone as I do to you right now.”

“Me neither.” You smile, moving to grab his hand that was rested upon his side, “And I don’t think I will again.”

“Darling.” Harry says, pointing his finger in the air as he does so.

Chloe hesitates for a second before letting out a, “Ding!” to say that he was right.

It was Boxing Day, and after spending Christmas Eve and the majority of Christmas Day with your family, you had driven from your family house up to Cheshire to spend the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with Harry’s family. You were all sat in the living room playing a game, sporting glasses of wine and basking in the Christmassy feeling of being together again.

After Harry’s show on the nineteenth, and the acts that happened afterwards, you and Harry had many conversations. There was a few tears from the two of you, and the conversation got heated in some aspects but you were together again, and that was the main thing. Originally, you had decided to spend Christmas separate, without each other’s company just because it was such a sudden change and you wanted to make sure that you fully weren’t rushing into things. Then, whilst sat on the sofa after devouring your Christmas dinner, with Mud’s Lonely this Christmas playing through your speakers that you realised that you missed Harry, and a Christmas without seeing him now was a Christmas that you didn’t want in your life.

You had contemplated surprising him and just turning up, but you felt as though that wasn’t fair on the rest of his family, and that’s why you messaged and asked him. He replied asking whether you were certain that you wanted to do this, and you said yes and he said that he’d have a cup of tea ready for you whenever you arrived.

He did have one ready for you, and it was everything you needed to warm yourself up after the long journey.

Anne, Gemma and Michal asked no questions to you, but you had no doubt that they had asked Harry some on your journey. Anne had welcomed you with a hug, and so did Gemma and once their prying eyes were away, Harry kissed you as though his life depended on it, pressed against the staircase of his mother’s house whilst fairy lights twinkled around them.

Anne’s next to go, hoping that her answer of, “Sweetheart,” was at the top of the list.

Chloe replies with, “Uh huh,” to which everyone “Ooo’s” in response at.

You’re rested upon the back of the sofa, with a flute of Champagne in your hand. Harry, in his flat-cap almost breaking your hear with how handsome he looked, turned around and pointed his finger at you.

“Come on, now.” He says, “Be smart with this. It’s sticky stuff.”

“Babe.” You immediately reply, knowing that was one of pet names that Harry called you the most.

People around the room laugh at Harry’s phrase of ‘sticky-stuff’ but that doesn’t mask Chloe’s exclamation of, “Ding!” followed by, “Top answer.”

You smile at the knowledge and Harry turns to you also, holding his fist up for you to fist bump which you both laugh at. He holds his hand out and you pass him your drink, which he takes a sip of quickly before returning it to you so you can carry on playing the game.

Michal is next, and for some bizarre reason to all of you he says, “Cutie-pie,” which certainly isn’t on the list. The room chuckles around you, and Harry says something about him “returning to the mines’’ which you all laugh at, but you specifically roll your eyes at.

The game soon wraps up, and you have your meal. Harry sits next to you, and had his hand upon your thigh the entire way through. The table around the two of you chatted about all sorts, many of the questions being about when your music was coming out which you certainly didn’t expect. You started to feel as though your album, when it came out, wouldn’t be very complimentary of your relationship with Harry, and you were starting to regret it slightly, but you loved all of your songs and you hoped that when you showed Harry, and the world for that matter, that they would too.

You and Harry, after the meal had finished, had offered to be on washing up duty. You had been given the task of washing up, whilst Harry dried because he felt as though his skills were better there. You let him believe that and carry on with drying all of the special Christmas cutlery that didn’t go in the dish-washer.

Once you had finished, and you were drying your hand upon the towel, you felt hands upon your waist, more specifically, Harry’s. He place a kiss to your neck and you giggled, turning around so that upon were facing him. He immediately captures your lips with his, and you wrap your arms around your neck to steady yourself from the attack of his lips. His hands immediately again go to your waist, slipping his hand underneath the material of your jumper to rest upon your skin. Once you pull away, you look at him with a smile upon your face.

“What was that for?”

“What?” He shrugs, “Can’t I kiss my girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend?” You ask, unable to hide your smile.

“Girlfriend.” He nods, “That’s what you are, aren’t you?”

You nod your head and place another kiss to his lips, the feeling running through the two of you without really knowing how significant he really was.

“If you want me to be. I want to be.”

He lifts one of his hands and places it upon your cheek, running his thumb ever so delicately along your skin.

“I love you.” He says, with no hesitation in his voice, “I know I’ve been shitty, and I probably shouldn’t be saying this to you, especially not in the way that I am, but I do love you and I never stopped. I swear to you, that from now on my love for you will be the most important thing, and I won’t ever, ever make you second best again.”

“That’s all I want.” You reply, leaning forward to place a kiss upon his lips, “I love you too.”

With the year that you had, and the feeling as though you’d never be with this man again, you couldn’t believe that here you were with him. He was with you, and he was yours and there was no doubt in your mind that what happened earlier this year will never happen again. It was almost as though this was something that your relationship needed to grow stronger in itself, and it surely was now.

He wraps an arm around your neck and pulls you onto his chest, “I’m never letting you go again. I probably won’t let you out of my sight again.”

“I can’t say that I’d ever complain.”

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x yn #harry styles x you #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles smut fic #harry styles writing

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ask-canterlot-musicians · 2 years

Text

End, Begin, All the Same.

Happy New Year, everyone! Well, 2021 sure... did happen. It’s hard to believe that so much could happen, yet it felt like no time at all. I would have written the year off entirely if not for the last three months or so of it. I finally found a job in my field, I started streaming, I was able to wrangle some commission work, things finally started to feel a little grounded.

I wanted to share a few thoughts, and talk a little about how things are looking going into 2022. Sorry if some (or all) of this is repeated from prior posts, it’s hard to remember what I wrote when.

I have been working on a game for the past few years, alongside job hunting, the Academy, and other general projects. It has been a great learning opportunity, and one that I have every intention of seeing to completion. However, a friend made me take a hard look at how I was managing my work and my life. Since then, I put the game on pause while I figured out a new path. Finding work in the game industry had been a crushing experience, years or trying to get noticed and never being given a second glance. So, I decided I needed to find other means to support myself. Streaming’s a big thing, so I looked at whether I could make that work. I’d pick up some part time work to keep things steady, I’d do some side hustles to supplement. In short, I was getting off the all-or-nothing job hunt track, and I was going to try a few different things and see what proved successful.

And then I got a job offer in the games industry. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

I of course took the offer immediately, and that was the right choice. I’m having a great time with the job, I have some financial stability, and I’m in the industry I’ve been working for years to be in. The downside, of course, is that I don’t have the freedom to delegate my time as I did for much of this past year. That’s not really a problem, since I was pretty bad at that anyway.

So, before I ramble any more, let’s break this down into a list.

The Academy: I never really thought my little ask blog project would outlast MLP:FiM, and it’s been incredible to share it with all of you for this long. Between tumblr shooting itself in the foot a few years ago, and many fans moving on to other things in their lives, traffic isn’t as high as it used to be. All the same, I have a rough of idea of how I would like to see the Academy come to an end, and I want to share that ending with all of you. There may be days where I have to put other projects above the Academy, and miss some posts. There may be days where I just can’t think of a good page, or find the energy to make it, and I have to take some time off. I’m sorry, I wish I could get to all of it. What I will promise, however, is that I will not up and disappear. I do enjoy working on the comic, and I am glad I get to share it with you and make your day a little better. So I hope you’ll continue to enjoy the lives of our favorite musical ponies for a while longer.

The Game: “Pages” has always been a project burdened with too many expectations. It had to be a good portfolio piece, it had to be something I enjoyed working on, it had to be commercially successful to validate the work I was putting in, and it had to be something I got done in a reasonable amount of time. All of these things weighed heavily on it and myself, and is what resulted in that heart-to-heart I mentioned earlier. It did serve its role as a portfolio piece, since I was able to show some of the work from it to help land my job. And now that I have that job, it does not need to make lots of money and make it right now. One of my big goals for 2022 is to get it back off the shelf and start working on it again. I don’t know when it’s going to get done, but I look forward to sharing the considerably less burdened journey with you guys. Which leads me into...

Streaming: Like I said, I got into streaming as a potential way to share the work I was already doing, and maybe even make a little coffee money off of it. Being unemployed, I had the freedom to do streams at any hour of the day I wanted. That’s not an option now, but I did enjoy sharing the work with all of you guys. It’s something that I want to keep doing, albeit not as frequently as I would have done before. I expect it will be more of a weekend thing, maybe weekly or bi-weekly. We will see how it go, but do please keep an eye out. I will be sure to let you know when streams are going to happen.

I think that covers all the business points I wanted to get to. Thank you everyone for coming this far with me. It has been an insane ride since I started this blog in July 2012, and I would not have predicted how any of it would have gone. Still, I am glad to have shared it with all of you, and I hope to continue to share my work for a long time to come. I hope 2022 is kind to you, and that you happy and healthy. Be good to yourselves, be good to one another, and may we all find joy in the days to come.

Gratefully,

Esuka

#mod post

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yoonpobs · 3 years

Text

we don't talk together | myg

pairing: min yoongi x oc

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, growth! exes that remain exes

words: 2, 842

summary: it's hard to say it's over

What they don't tell you about goodbyes is that it isn't the end.

It's far from the closing of a book. Goodbyes are the itch that urges you to pick up an old book from the shelf just to feel what you first felt when you re-read certain parts of a book; the same remorse you felt when a character you grew attached to didn't get the ending they deserved. Or, maybe it was the villain that was misunderstood—your own heart wishing to reach out to the sad soul that couldn't even be recognised when all they do is speak.

But some books will end up dusty, forgotten, tucked away in the corner of your shelf; or in the most drastic of cases: lost.

"The park looks ... different," Yoongi speaks up for a lack of a better conversation starter.

You hum. What would you say? That it wasn't the same from when we used to spend our Spring's blended into Summer's until it got too hot for us to lay in each other's embrace?

It was still too fresh even though it's been nearly a year.

"There are more dogs," You point out the moment a tan pomeranian runs past the two of you, the owner an old couple laughing away under the cherry blossoms.

He nods, fingers stuffed in his trench coat. You note that it's the same one he wore on your anniversary, plans abandoned when there was a mix-up with the reservations until the two of you stumbled across a hidden gem that soon became your go-to date place.

You will yourself to look away so no more memories can resurface. It seems like every part of your life has somehow seamlessly intertwined itself with traces of Yoongi that it was impossible for you to exist as just yourself.

"How are things at the firm?" He asks after the two of you walked side-by-side in complete silence as more and more chatter fill your ears.

"It's ... going," You chuckle dryly.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you, shooting you a brief glance over until the two of you reach a bench. You dare say it's muscle memory that dragged your heavy feet into the direction of the only bench that you've known in the park. The compressed reminder of the initials of your names that you carved as teenagers likely still staining the years old wood. It was meant to be an emblem for wisdom, the ring of growth that meant to be the endgame for the two of you.

You almost laugh in bitterness and how literal the metaphor was.

"Everything okay?"

Yoongi takes the first step to sit on the bench because he always did. Ever the gentlemen when he opened doors for you, let you into the car first, waited until you stepped ahead of him to trail behind like a shield.

The first date, first kiss, first confession.

The first one to decide that it was over.

"My boss is just being sexist, as usual. I thought I'd get used to it after spending two years there but ... there are some things that you just stay unfamiliar, you know?"

It was very like you to speak in double-entendres without intending to. But it was also like Yoongi to pick up on it, especially after years of learning all the best and worst parts of you; he was and probably will be one of the few people in your lives that will always foresee your next move.

The two of you sit a fair distance apart on the bench even if it was a battle for space anyway. You didn't have the liberty to lean into his embrace anymore and he wasn't in the position to say that it was okay for you to breathe, to relax.

"You shouldn't get used to those remarks. There are times where you learn to grow used to constructive criticism but if what he's saying makes you question your worth because of very arbitrary reasons like your gender then that isn't criticism, nor is it constructive. It's bigoted and chauvinistic."

You look down to your thumbs as you fiddle with it, his words comforting you. It was woeful that you still chased validation from him even after learning to be that person to yourself.

"Yeah, I guess."

Then how did you get used to things?

If time didn't make things familiar then what did? Was it not the five years with Yoongi that led you to see him build an empire for himself all the while destroying the relationship that you had? Or was it because he was the person that you thought of doing the most minuscule things?

"By the way," He clears his throat, eyes still set forward, "Namjoon says hi."

You raise an eyebrow, surprised to hear the name of a mutual friend—or more appropriately, friend by association and acquaintance when that link was broken.

"He knows that you're with me?"

Yoongi nods his head.

"I needed to let someone at the studio know and ... well, he's the only one that knew of our situation."

You chuckle bitterly.

Of course. The suggestion of his work only made your heart drop because as much as you wanted to be supportive of him, even after the break-up, the name of his studio or songs only reminded you of the battle that you helplessly lost.

"You can tell him that I'm still a text or phone call away. No need to play messenger," You return.

The atmosphere is more reflective than awkward. You know that the two of you had your pieces to say, your own narrative to tell but neither brave enough to break the calm that you were settled in. It was a nice difference from the way that things ended, and you supposed that you were similar enough to believe in a mirage than the inevitable truth.

But you didn't call him out after six months to sit in silence to walk away with your heart feeling heavier, nor did you invite him out just to remember what it feels like to have him next to you—even in complete silence.

"Would you have really quit?"

This time, you gather all the bravery that you've built over the past few months to ask the question that has been mulling in your mind since the night you decided that it was officially over.

It was a painful break-up. Even if you expected it when Yoongi came home earlier one night with bags under his eyes and his keys that he usually left at the studio because he knew you'd always be home to open the door for him.

"I'm sorry?" He seems taken aback.

You don't blame him. You've always been more passive in dealing with confrontation due to your conflict-averse nature—but that didn't mean you didn't get angry or annoyed—or hurt. But if you learned anything, it was to stop asking yourself questions that you'll never have the answer to.

"Would you really have left the company to save our relationship?"

You chose your words carefully. Instead of saying to be with you, knowing that he lost the love, he had for you somewhere along the way—you point out the one hole that he held on to for the sake of stability. The one thing that was constant in his life with how unpredictable the music industry was.

"Yes."

Somehow, the answer doesn't make you feel better because even with time apart you knew he was lying to save your face.

"You don't owe me anything to lie to my face, Yoongi." You frown.

Yoongi sighs, rubbing his hands across his face as he leaves your statement hanging in the air to mull over his answer.

You prefer the silence that way. It showed that he was at least listening, or cared enough to decide his next set of words. Nothing like how much it pained you to acknowledge the responses you got from him when you were crying were just out of obligation than sincerity.

"No, I wouldn't have."

You nod your head, expectant of the answer but you needed to hear him say it himself rather than drowning yourself in ruminating thoughts of how there was still a semblance of hope that he would've given it up for you, for your relationship—or the life that you were meant to build.

"I wouldn't have asked you to, anyway." You confess.

Yoongi turns his head to look at you and for the first time since you've met at the park, he notices the absence of a necklace around your neck. The necklace that you never took off. He wants to comment on it, ask where it went or if you've pawned it off out of pettiness but he held no remorse towards you. You were tolerant with the break-up even as you sucked in your tears when he knew that it killed you on the inside. Yoongi didn't have the heart in him to ask you.

"Oh."

"You were the one that said you'd quit so we could stay together," You say softly.

Yoongi doesn't respond as he looks back to the night where the two of you sat down to talk about the standing of your relationship. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that started off with an amicable discussion that eventually led to the two of you yelling until you surrendered to your tears and just left the battle completely.

He said a lot of things that night. From things that he's been bottling up for months, to things that he's always wanted to tell you and things that he didn't remotely mean, and things that he's regretted the moment it left his lips.

"I guess I did."

You sigh, leaning back into the bench as you observe a couple walking in front of you, passing your bench as they share an ice cream on a cone; bickering on who'd get the first lick. To anyone, you and Yoongi would've looked just like a couple that has reached a comfortable point in your relationship where intimacy was just sitting next to one another.

But you admit, there was something oddly intimate and heart-breaking about sitting next to someone you've loved with your whole heart and feel nothing but ... weightlessness. Like the burden of your concerns was lifted ever so slightly just being here.

"I wouldn't have made you choose between your relationship or your dream, Yoongi. I would never have done that to you."

Yoongi knew you would never have made him do something as abhorrent as that. You were far too understanding. But you had wanted from him too, that he wasn't willing to provide just yet. He didn't know if it was because of the expiration date to your relationship or because of the stress he was under at work—but he convinced himself that it was you that was asking for too much instead of him compromising too little.

"I ... I know," He whispers, "I'm sorry."

You purse your lips. You try not to let your emotions appear on your sleeve. You were tired of allowing your face to speak before you did. You needed to use the voice you had.

"I loved you so much, Yoongi," You murmur, "I loved you so much that I would have taken anything I could've gotten with you just so I could be with you."

Yoongi stays silent at this.

"I didn't mind if you spent more time at work than at our home. I just wanted to know if I was ever in the picture when you were talking about the future. I know how much you love music and I supported you through every audition and failure ... and to know that I was just—" You swallow, the words still painful to say. But you needed to make your peace with it, "—that I was just someone that would wait for you instead of your partner. That's when I knew that you didn't love me the way I loved you."

Yoongi chokes to speak up but you shake your head.

"No, Yoongi. You loved me, you did. But somewhere along the way you stopped and you just pretended that we were okay even when I was trying my best to fix the seams. I wasn't your girlfriend anymore, I was just someone familiar to you and I didn't deserve to feel that way." You tell him sternly.

Yoongi surrenders to his silence as you take a deep breath to continue.

"Maybe I loved you too much in a way that you couldn't understand."

"_______, don't say that—" His eyes widen when he tries to reach a hand to yours to comfort you, but your body language remains stoic as you keep your hands in your lap.

"—and that's okay Yoongi. I loved you but not in the way you needed. I'm not here to make you feel bad about what I chose to do on my own because it wasn't my fault that I couldn't be what you need." You say sadly, but a small smile on your face as you finally say the words that have been eating at you for months.

"... okay," Yoongi accepts.

"We all have different ways to love and be loved. I loved you and that was enough for you at one point but love isn't all a relationship needs. You loved me too, in your own way and I accepted that but just because it was enough for me doesn't mean it was enough for us." You glance over at him to see him staring at you intently.

"I'm sorry that things turned out this way," Yoongi says softly, eyes gentle.

You wave him off.

"I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I loved you, though," He confesses, eyes returning to the scene in front of him filled with different colours of life that seemed to look vibrant under the Spring sunset.

You shake your head and chuckle softly.

"You say that now but you'll meet someone one day and you'll remember all the reasons why you love in the first place. And it'll be enough for you, and them."

He shrugs, a small smile itching on his face.

"I really did love you," He says, "But I'm sorry for not being honest with you. I owe you that much of an apology."

"We're not here to forgive or forget, Yoongi," You look at him kindly, "We're here to move on."

He purses his lips and hums, nodding his head.

"I hope you get that promotion at work you were talking about months ago, ______." Yoongi offers, a gentle grin marring his face.

"I did," You shrug.

It feels liberating to have achieved something and only feeling content by acknowledging it yourself. Months ago, you would've hurt at the fact that Yoongi didn't know. But the change you welcomed after the end only showed you that there was a new path for you to walk on.

His eyes widen, but eventually, he chuckles and shakes his head, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like knew it.

You push yourself off the bench, dusting your hands on your pants as you offer him one last smile before you say goodbye for the second time.

"I hope you find someone who you'll love more than you ever did with me." You tease.

He rolls his eyes.

"Impossible," The grin on his face is easy, and your heart still clenches at the nonchalance, but you don't expect the feeling to go away so easily—nor do you mind. It just shows that you needed to wait and that you were willing to do it.

"Of course you will. You're a musician, Yoongi. You need a muse," You smirk at him as you turn around, a small wave on your hand to say goodbye.

As you walk away and his body gets smaller and smaller from your vision, you turn around to say:

"We don't talk together is a beautiful song."

Yoongi's smile is genuine, and so is his goodbye. A gentle acknowledgment of his hand as he stands up himself, walking to the other direction of where you were headed.

You still had a love for Yoongi, and you suppose you always will. Just like how you would feel pleasant when rediscovering a childhood hobby that triggers a fond memory, or how you love different things in your life in different ways. Whether or not you love someone more than you've ever loved Yoongi isn't your concern, because when love comes in one form, it goes in another.

When you still take the same route you'd usually take with Yoongi after your walks back home, you pass the cafe you used to frequent to see that it's replaced with a new bar. You smile fondly to yourself, shaking your head.

You loved that place.

But eventually, you'll find another cafe with a beautiful interior and a latte to match, and you'll love it too.

#bts fic #bts imagine #bts fics #bts imagines #bts yoongi #bts fluff #bts angst #yoongi x reader #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #yoongi exes #yoongi imagine #yoongi fic #yoongi breakup #angst #fluff #yoongi #min yoongi x reader

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