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c7thetumbler · 3 months

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Quick Game reviews: January 2024

... Huh that banner looks pretty empty without a years worth of games on a lot of different platforms on it. I'll have to think of a better way to fill space

Anyway, let's be a bit better about being on top of this. Also, instead of just scrubbing google without mentioning where I got the screenshots from, I'm going to start putting link where I got the screenshots from underneath. If I didn't put it, it's art from that game's store page.

Most of these games were ones I picked up in bulk during the Steam winter sale, so there's a few weird ones.

Slay the Spire (Steam)

Opening up with a strong one. I'm very late to Slay the Spire; so late that I had believed that it was much older than it was because just everyone had referenced it so many times and I still hadn't touched it I didn't realize it's only like 5 years old.

It holds up very well! A Rogue-like card game the plays a lot like Dominion but vs enemies instead of other players, with RPG elements to top it off. Despite having "beaten" it, I keep going back to it and I'm having a great time. It helps having played dominion before, as you have moments playing this kind of game where you realize core aspects of it. For example, taking all of the best cards every time you can isn't a great idea, as the more cards you have the less chance you have at drawing any one of them. It's better to have cards that combo well together, or with relics you've acquired, than to have a bunch of good cards that don't. It's best to stick to a particular aspect of your character, like focusing on whether you want to play The Silent as a machine gun that can rapid fire shiv the enemy dozens of time in a turn, or a tanky poisoner who can last for a long time to build up poison stack. It's much more beneficial to pick one while you're gathering your materials, than it is to say "Well attacking a lot is a nice and passive poison is also nice" and doing neither well.

It was also interesting having gone back and played this after having played so many lazy game projects or cash grab games that just did this exact style of gameplay and didn't make it interesting. I had no idea I was literally just playing Slay the Spire, but not as good.

Highly recommend it! It's a very fun game, and a good time to just play a round or two while you're watching a video.

Mail Mole + 'Xpress Deliveries (Steam)

This is a game I 100%'d!

Mail Mole is a linear 3D platformer akin to Super Mario 3D world, but you play as mole who digs underground and can combo dashing with jumping and good timing you can really blast through levels. You collect carrots instead of coins, turnips instead of green stars or giant coins, and each level has it's own time goals for bronze, silver and gold medals.

It's pretty fun! The jumping takes a bit to get used to as your jump happens when you release the button instead when you press, and your momentum from your dash carries over but only for a set amount of time after a landing dash. Overall the controls are easy to understand. With some practice and an understanding of how comboing jumps and dashes works, the game can feel pretty satisfying, if a little bit floaty, as you fly from platform to platform attempting to not fling yourself off the ledge long enough to make it to the end and get the gold medal.

As far as content goes, there's 8 "worlds" each with 4 levels. Additionally each world has a vs bot mode where you race 3 npc bots to the end of a level for an additional power cell, the game's main progression collectible. There's a significant amount there, and with the extra 'Xpress Deliveries levels it's worth its weight. I ended up with 7 hours on the game, which for an indie platformer is pretty good.

That being said, the game isn't necessarily very challenging. Jumps are pretty straightforward, with some rare exceptions, and if you just want to "beat" the game you can do so without breaking much of a sweat. The real meat of it is trying to get everything and do well in the levels to get those medals, which also isn't an extreme task. 100%'ing it took 6.7 hours, and I was never really stuck on a single level more than 2-3 replays after the intial run through the level

Overall, I'd recommend it to fans of laid back 3D platformers; if you've play 3D land, suzy cube, or other cartoony 3D indie platformers, you'll be right at home here

screenshot from The Cutting Room Floor

Mario Party 3 (N64, Switch Online)

This was one of things that I, as a child, had decided I would do someday, and then each time I played it over the years I kept thinking, "Oh I never did Get S Rank Miracle star in the story mode on Hard Mode to see if you get anything" and then proceeded to not do play it. I finally changed that!

.... It wasn't worth it. While at the time Mario Party 3 had a lot of uniqueness and charm, nowadays it's simply just been outdone, and the sheer amount of minigames in modern Mario Parties just outclasses it. Additionally, getting those scores is hard as balls, getting all the minigames requires a substantial amount of luck, and in true Mario Party fashion you can just lose everything very suddenly and that's just on you.

Nostalgia carries the N64 Mario parties pretty hard, and in a world where Mario Party Superstars and Super Mario Party exists it just doesn't hold up. Also Mario Party 2 is better.

The Citadel

What a title I have a cursed history with. anyway.

I did end up playing this for not very long. I have a long history with Doom and similar fast paced mindless shooters (Boomer shooters? is that what the kids are calling it?), so when I saw this game on the store a few years ago I shoved it on my wishlist. I finally picked it up, and it's pretty tough from what I've played. But I just quickly lost interest; didn't feel as satisfying or punchy as Doom does and I had other games to play. I haven't played this enough for a great recommending opinion, but my first impression is that it's just fine.

Screenshot from promotional screenshots on the game's Steam page

Pseudoregalia (Steam)

Props to my boy Keewy for streaming this and making me think "Huh I could try that".

This game's incredibly good. But obviously not everyone's cup of tea. You play as a tall rabbit goat woman who fights with a big cross baton and platforms using a variety of skills you pick up along the way. It's very much focused solely on the skilled platforming aspect within rooms. Like if Celeste was a bit slower paced, 3D, and had progressive upgrades in an open environment. I guess that's probably not a sensible comparison; It's more like if Metroid Prime was solely melee, 3rd person, and focused on platforming. It's hard to describe in text, but a quick look at some gameplay and you'll get it.

A key aspect of this is it doesn't take any time to explain to you what's going on, how to play, or even where you're at. You start out basically only able to jump, and through some well paced rooms slowly get the idea of how to attack, and a couple of hallways later your path branches out to a number of different ways where you can go and explore. There is no map, so you'll have to make note of areas you've not been able to fully explore before moving onto another area and trying your hand at that. The major upgrades all tend to be very well done, often giving you non-standard movement options that give you different ways of approaching jump situations that don't necessarily have just the one solution.

Most of the game consists of hallways and big rooms with an N64/ PSX aesthetic, with blocky geometry but gothic-reminiscent architecture and texture. The music does a good job of complimenting these areas, making the time you spend attempting to chain wall kicks and dashing slides to get to the next platform feel like you're wandering surreal, oppressive hallways but with a sense of curiosity and freedom given by the game's abilities.

I'm not sure if that made a whole lot of sense. But I collected everything because it was just really fun! Take a look at a gameplay video, and if you like the look of the gameplay the game delivers very well on the whole experience

Screenshot from promotional screenshots on the game's Steam page

Lil Gator Game (Steam)

I 100%'d this one as well:

Another 3D platfomer, but this time a very open world setting. Basically a very small version of Breath of the Wild where your main actions are to attack, jump, float, and climb. You play as a little gator, whose acting a out a legend of zelda style adventure with cardboard monsters and animal friends as NPCS with quest givers in order to inspire your Sister, who used to play these games with you, to join in on the fun instead of focusing on her college work.

It's a very simple game; you're never really going to have moments where you don't know what to do or feel stuck, and you can't even take damage because "kids can't die in video games." Instead, it's solely about roaming around, finding all your friends and doing their quests (solving their problems) so they will go back to the main hub area and build up the adventure town for your game.

It's a very chill romp, and I'd recommend it to anyone who just wants to turn their brain off and jump around with a cute little game with an adorable story and aesthetic.

Screenshot is a screengrab from a frame of the trailer on the game's Steam page

HAZAMA_QUEEN (Steam)

Another 100 % (though it only took 45 minutes)

I'm not sure how this one ended up on my wishlist; I probably saw it during one of the steam sales that encourages you to go through your discovery queues and thought "sure why not."

This was interesting because it took a run or two to realize what the game actually wanted. It's not a doom style game where you try and shoot monsters and progress through the level; it's a fast-paced runner game where you MUST kill enemies and run to the level in time before your health meter runs out. This meter is of c0ourse only filled more when you shoot enemies, so it's a lot of balancing between making sure you kill what you need vs moving past it to actually finish the level.

Additionally at the end of each level you get a choice of 3 cards, which can give you different weapons and upgrades to help you go through future levels easier. These cards can be quite vague however, as the game was clearly originally made in Japanese and contains a number of references to streamers and culture that I didn't understand. Alternative weapons are half "this gun is more powerful probably" and half "what even is this thing", and the while the games aesthetic has some charm in clearly being a small passion project only one or two people worked on for fun, it doesn't really carry it very far and things are more weird than interesting. Like if I did get it it wouldn't add that much to the experience.

Overall, it's a fun, very short and fast-paced game. At $5 it's definitely not worth it, but I'd give it a try if it ever goes on sale for like a buck or lower.

Screenshot from promotional screenshots on the game's Steam page

Spidersaurs (Steam)

I didn't want to touch this game after I beat it lol.

The purely fictitious group of people, fans of mine, will know that me and Wayforward go back. Even before Shantae I was playing Mighty Flip Champs, and am generally a huge fan of their offerings outside of Shantae like the remake of Ducktales, Mighty Switch Force, and...

*squints at their catalogue*

Oh I guess I do mostly just like them for Shantae.

Anyway, on paper this game looks fun. I was never a huge fan of Contra because I get mad very easily, but this looked very campy and like it had enough unique charm to look past that. In reality, unfortunately, it plays like Contra with some hand drawn cartoony aesthetics that WayForward is known for, and doesn't really have tight enough level design or gameplay to make me want to go back anytime soon.

There's a number of levels, bosses, and even just enemies that just don't feel right; nothing's particularly satisfying to accomplish and it's very easy to get frustrated when you accidentally scroll the screen too far and now you can't go back or die off the bottom. Enemy placement can be infuriating, and in an effort to keep you moving there's an enemy that comes out of nowhere and attacks you if you sit still for too long. That got me more times than it should've while I was waiting for a weapon I didn't want to despawn, or waiting for an enemy to come out of its hole so I can shoot it.

The art's good. I'll give it that. WayForward continued its trend of quality visuals and the character design it's known for, but that can't carry a game. I'd give this one a pass.

Screenshot from promotional screenshots on the game's Steam page

Monster Girl Manager (Steam)

So I don't think I've played Darkest Dungeon, but I feel like it plays similar to this but without a few mechanics around bonding with your monster girls and swapping positions. THe general crux of it is that you summon randomly generated monster girls with their skills and abilities based off of the kind of creature they are and their personality (all defined in typical anime tropes, ie tsundere, yandere, etc) and try and build up their stats so you can progress through a 10 level section of the dungeon.

The dungeons themselves aren't too complex. Traversing the map takes energy and you run into events that can either help or harm you depending on your squad and enemies with aa variety of different attributes. Like Slay the Spire, you can run into a number of relics that improve your abilities and can try and get them to compliment your girls' playstyle to progress further. On paper, it's a pretty solid loop and I did find myself enjoying some of the dungeoneering and crazy combos.

In practice however, it's a lot of grinding. Whenever you start a 10 level section you begin with no relics, so you have to re-find stuff and build up again. This runs into trouble when you beat a boss easily, but then the next block is too hard for your girls' current stat, so you have to pass time improving them by managin their motivation and telling them to work jobs throughout the week that will lower their eneergy and motivation, but improve a specific stat, again dependent on the girl's type and personality.

Again, that doesn't sound too bad, however there are many limitations that just make this frustrating. Specifically, your girls only exist for a number of weeks (I think like 10 or something) before they fade away. New girls you summon are back at level one, so now you have to use your winnings from previous squad arrangements to upgrade your facilities and gear to help them level up *slightly* faster so you can get further with them. This puts an unnecessary amount of stress and grind time on top of an otherwise decent gameloop, and after my first squad got Ship of Theseus'd I was over it.

I would avoid this one; it's pretty grindy and not all that interesting past the initial premise, though it could be someone's cup of tea.

Also, to be clear, it's not lewd. Just very anime trope-y

Screenshot from promotional screenshots on the game's Steam page

Quake II (Steam)

Finishing up the list is the remasted version of Quake II that unexpectedly released halfway through last year. Quake II wasn't one that I played when I was a small'un, mostly limited to Doom, Doom II, and Chex Quest, but I did play the original Quake as well and saw my dad playing this in those years so I decided to give it a try.

The updated graphics and controls are refreshing; a lot of the time when revisiting this error you have to argue with the game to get it to play in a way that works for modern sensibilities, but this redo holds up very well. Something I didn't realize is this melds more with Half-life style gameplay than it does with the single-level action that Doom and Quake were known for. While the game is still broken into levels, each level has a number of interconnected sub areas that each have their own oibjectives, enemies, and secrets to find before you can finish and move onto the next, and they can get surprisingly long.

This is a classic and now can hold up to the test of time with this release; I very much recommend it!

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So how do I end shorter ones like this? DO I say my favorite game I played during this period?

I guess it would have to go to Pseudoregalia. While I thoroughly enjoyed and continue to play Slay the Spire, Pseudoregalia's satisfying gameplay, intriguing world, and well done level design stuck with me a lot harder than another well-done rogue-like did.

I also wanted to pick up Palworld, but have held off and will continue doing so for a bit while the dust settles and it continues to get updates, so that's why it's not on here.

#game reviews #slay the spire #quake ii #mail mole #Monster girl manager #spidersaurs #hazama_queen #lil gator game #mario party 3 #the citadel #pseudoregalia

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carrieleblancart · 6 months

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In response to your questions about the timelapse videos, here are my two cents. Engagement doesn’t usually give you anything on tumblr other than a bump of serotonin, but it can lead to commissions or sales if you provide an easy link and are chill about it. But people are touchy about the word “engagement.” They want to feel like a community or maybe a cultural salon, rather than part of an extractive media process.

Your most successful process videos are going to show a satisfying finished piece at the end and give people time to look at it and go “wow.” So for most art some editing will be necessary to get there in a short video.

Another thing I should bring up is that the music you used for that sketch video was pretty grating. If you’re going to use music, i’d suggest finding something more relaxing. Just because the video is sped up doesn’t mean the sound has to be frantic.

Your painting process is so interesting, and your art is great! People here love cats with all their hearts and mostly really enjoy art. I wish you all the best!

Hi anon, thank you so much for your input! I really appreciate it, and I'm still getting used to actually getting responses, after trying to get it noticed for 10+ years (this isn't my first tumblr blog).

There's a lot going on with trying to share my art in the current internet ecosystem, probably something a lot of artists are dealing with. I'll try my best to describe what's going on on my end.

I don't like the term engagement either. I am trying to share my art through four main platforms at this time: Instagram, Tiktok, YouTube, and of course our precious hellsite: Tumblr. So my use of the term is more from the vernacular being used on other platforms, with what seems to be a kind of agreed upon use by artists of "this is what we have to deal with, so might as well lean into it." Maybe I'm mis-interpreting that (not surprising).

So far, Instagram is where I get my art noticed the most and has lead to the most sales/commissions/financial support. I think this has to do with the cat community that has formed over there. Tumblr definitely has its cat lovers, but I think a lot of them are over on IG so that they can follow internet cat celebrities and the like (I'm one of them!). So things like engagement and trends will dictate how I share my art with at least algorithm-led platforms. Also all of the cat people and friends I've met at shows regularly have Instagrams, not that that's a reason to be on there.

I agree that I should add time of the video at the end to show the piece to give it time to be seen. This can be easily accomplished if I make sure to take a photo of the art and include it in the video. I haven't had the best record of doing this due to my own ADHD and the pace at which these sketch paintings are being made.

Most of these recent sketch paintings were made back in August during CatCon on the spot! It's a crazy thing to do and I haven't seen anyone else do something quite what I'm doing, which is I guess part of my marketing for conventions and shows. So, sometimes I forget to take a picture at the end, but I'm getting better at including it in my process. And yes I call them sketches because they're fairly quick (I aim for 30 minutes for a 6"x6") and I don't get to add all the details I would like to if time was available. (I'm currently working on a new 3"x3" fully detailed piece of a famous internet cat, I've spent an hour and a half on it, and it's not done yet!)

Part of the timelapse question is not just to see what people prefer to determine how much time I should put into editing, but also how much effort I should put into digital storage. I have a couple different ways of recording footage, and the main way I've been doing so is with my iPhone. And so when I'm at events that I fly to, like CatCon, sometimes I'm having to transfer videos from my phone to an SD card until I can get home and get the footage onto a larger storage device. This can be tricky especially if I don't make sure to clear my phone storage before going to an event (something I'm adding to my list!) However, if I use the timelapse feature already available on the iPhone, then that makes editing and storage even easier for me later. I used this a lot with my Black Cat October series. But this timelapse footage doesn't look as good (maybe) and I don't have the option to do other edits later. Which then comes to the question for myself, am I really going to go back and make another edit for these sketch paintings? Perhaps the answer is timelapses for sketches, and full videos for fully detailed paintings.

And thank you for your input on the music part! The reason for the music in the last video was because of what's trending right now. Sometimes IG will save a copy of the video I posted with whatever music, so I had reused it in today's post. I think I'll make sure to use something more soothing/calming going forward just for tumblr, because you all have a special place in my heart.

Usually I'll open TikTok and do a separate video save to have a hi-res copy with music, but since I had recently created a shop on TT I only have commercially available music. Maybe I should take the shop down anyways, I'm really not sure if it'll help my art get notice or sell more stickers. I'd rather manage sales from my website anyways, but I feel like I should at least give it a try. You're welcome to tell me your thoughts on that!

I could go more into detail about my process for just uploading videos, but I feel like this is already getting TLDR. So feel free to let me know if you want me to ramble some more! I'd love to get input on that, as well as get an idea of what other artists are doing since I have no idea what I'm doing!

#carrie responds #art #artist #cats #illustration #painting #social media #tumblr #artist struggles

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cherokeegal1975 · 7 months

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As it says in the text. I found this a long time ago and stuck it in my journal. Years later I did a trace just to make it sharp and clear and so that I could more easily replace it back in my journal when I eventually convert my handwritten journals into typed text. I'm a little worried about this project I'm planning so I'm putting it off some. I'm waiting to be in a better mental place before taking it on.

My goal is twofold. One is to consolidate all my journal entries into one book. I'm aware that no one but myself will give a crap about my writings and musings. But I still think it's important to get them as organized and cleaned up as I can. The second reason is self-reflection. Seeing who I was as compared to who I will be when I finally get to where I need to go. I think once the risk of falling into a deep depression has passed (mine is environmental, not physical), it might prove helpful to go through those entries and get some perspective. Or at least I hope that's what will happen. I'm all about personal growth and self understanding.

The project won't be a cheap one. Blub is expensive, but I still think it's worth it. The quality of their books is very good...though I think their prints of my digital art could be better. I hear no complaints about photos however.

Why make books when I have files? Well, I'd love to see my work in print. Computers are very reliable, but not completely. I do back up my files, but I don't know if this computer breaks down, if I can get another one. Each time I get a laptop, I do realize it may be the very last one I'll ever get. I'm not made of money and a good laptop is expensive.

Books also make great keepsakes! Of course, I want to see my works on my bookshelf. Who wouldn't? I'm also working on the contents of my future art journals. One for sale, that will be G Rated and public worthy, even if it barely sells. The other personal and not for sale. That one, anything goes. The good, the terrible, the bad ideas that seemed good at the time, the scribbles, the beautiful...whatever. That one will be for me and me alone.

I can't afford to make the books now, so, I keep drawing and building up content just in case I'll one day be able to create them.

As far as the Snake Lady...not my art, you're welcome to use her. I don't know who the artist was, I'd love to give that person credit for their work. The best I can do is make sure that everyone knows this isn't my artwork. Just a trace of something I found some years ago.

#cherokeegal1975 #digital art #fantasy #tattoo design #thoughts #ideas #books

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corvarrow · 4 months

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2023 Wrap up and 2024 Goals

So I have been keeping track of what books I've read and what games I've played each year, for many years now. It's actually been really fun and interesting to look back and see what I ended up with, and it helps when I have to reference when I last looked at something :D So! I'm gonna put my Book/Games list year and combine it with any goals for 2024

Things I've read since Jan 2023

The Written by Ben Galley

Ariel by Steven R Boyette (read most)

STNG: Grounded by David Bischoff

Ascendant by Michael R Miller

STNG: A Call to Darkness by Michael Jan Friedman

STNG: Metamorphosis by Jean Lorrah

Denver Moon: The Minds of Mars by Warren Hammond and Joshua Viola

Masters of Doom by David Kushner

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros

The Horse Whisperer by Nicholas Evans

The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler

The Tiger and the Wolf by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab

This Gilded Abyss by Rebecca Thorne

Witch Hat Atelier 1-11 and Witch Hat Atelier Kitchen

All That Glitters by Loren K Jones

Comments: This is an example of like...I don't even remember reading some of these items. The STNG books (picked up from a library sale) were unexpectedly decent, I believe those were ones actually written by the show's screenwriters, so they read almost exactly like regular episodes. Also, I include manga (and some visual novels) on these lists because of the large quantities of reading ~ as such, WHA was probably my favorite read this year. The art is so gorgeous and the artistic struggles really resonates with me. My favorite non-manga waaas :Ta hmm, probably This Gilded Abyss, though I did not like the ending that much. Its fine if a book is going to be a series but I think that books should be able to be read as a one-off. I guess what I'm saying is make sure the ending is reasonably satisfying for THAT book, even if you want to set up for the next one. For example I'm well aware that ADSOM is a series however it's written with a satisfying ending that I can treat as Just One Book. Which I'm going to do. (Hopefully this all makes sense)

Currently Reading: Well my first book of the 2024 list is Heaven Official's Blessing 1, since its been on my shelf for a while ~ I'm already halfway through and just couldn't finish it before the new year. I see there's a ton in this series so IDK if I'll get through it all, but I do like it more (so far) over the other series by the same author

2024 Book Goals: I have a lot of unread ebooks so I'd like to start getting through those this year, as well as a couple paperback books on my shelf that have been there for years.

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2023 Video Games:

Baba is You

Cats Organized Neatly

Resident Evil: Village

Ghost Song

Salamander County Public Television

Cassette Beasts

The Mortuary Assistant

Vampire Survivors

Cult of the Lamb

Milo and the Magpies

Pizza Tower

The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (DNF)

Celeste (again)

Super Mario RPG remake

The Darkside Detective

The Darkside Detective: A Fumble in the Dark

Comments: Honorable mention is MyHouse.wad ~ I haven't played classic DOOM in so long and didn't want to learn how to mod it to play this, but I watched videos obsessively for several weeks when it came out. Its super cool. The Mortuary Assistant I found....strangely relaxing, I'm pretty sure this was not the common experience LOL. TGAAC made me kinda mad, I love AA but I COULD NOT with this one. I got 3 cases in, the pace was absolutely glacial and I did not like any of the side characters so I wasn't enjoying it. Oh well. My favorite game was probably either RE:V or collectively the two Darkside Detective games I just played.

Currently Playing: I just started Super Mario Wonder yesterday after getting it for Christmas. It's cute! I haven't played any mainline Mario games in like 10 years. Seriously the last ones were like Super Luigi Bros and Mario Maker 1 (and even then I think these are spinoffs 🤣)

2024 Game Goals: I have several games in my backlog that I would consider "Large RPGs", such as BG3, and I'd like to get through at least one of them. They're really daunting because of the time commitment required to finish. I'm currently working on some stupid grindy stuff in FFXIV so hopefully (lol) I will just take a break afterwards and can work on one of them.

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Other 2024 Goals/Art Goals

Yeah I don't like to go too wild with goals anymore. 2023 was just a hot mess year in terms of my day job, for the entire year, and my brain got pretty scrambled. I couldn't think of any silly goal this year (I did "all Ghibli Movies" in a past year for example), so I'm gonna say:

Finish at least 1 sketchbook

Do/Post more finished pieces

Finish a piece of art I've had sitting on my desk since June 2022

I did a big consolidation of art supplies at the end of the year so hopefully I won't be so daunted by what to use in general. The ink challenge I did was very helpful getting a little bit of motivation back. I also have this piece of art that's been sitting unfinished on my desk for a year and a half and I really need to finish it, LOL. I think what happened is the lineart is pretty complicated - once I finished transferring it to a nice sheet of paper I got overwhelmed with the idea of 'ruining' it and put it aside. I really need to get it done though, however it turns out, and move on, as I think the lingering thought is blocking all other pieces.

#Yearly book list #Yearly games list #.txt #books #video games #new year goals #long post #this is a blog post

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paradoxiii · 1 year

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I keep thinking about how one of my twitter/mastodon mutuals was like "I'm super jealous of artists who make super interesting & unique character designs", and I replied like "I feel like that too! I feel like I reuse the same design elements a lot & wish I could do more unique designs but when I try I inevitably dislike it & go back into my comfort zone"

And then they were like "You're one of the artists I was talking about"

And I just

(Rambling under the cut)

Like, when designing characters it often feels like I have this little box of "things to design a character with" & I'm just rummaging around in it & when I find something I like for that character I spin a wheel for color or whatever lol

And sometimes I add something new to the box! Lately I've taken to giving characters multicolor hair to make them more interesting. Freckles and beauty marks have also been more common in my designs over the past year or so.

But I also like to use picrews/dress up games when I'm having a hard time with a design. Like, I'll use a few different picrews and dress up games to put together stuff for the character & pick & choose what I like from each result before I draw them. This helps me with moving just a *little* but outside what I usually think of, like rummaging through yard sale boxes for stuff instead of just my own I guess?

And as bad as pinterest is for artists wrt stolen art... I like using pinterest for inspiration as well. I'll make boards for characters, & I have boards for different kinds of clothing to reference as well. It's an easy way to drift outside my design comfort zone, and if I do heavily reference a particular image I'll try to find the original so I can link back to that at least.

But I do often feel a bit self conscious about my character designs. I'll see more professional character designers posting such unique & interesting designs & think "I want to make characters like that", but like I said, whenever I try to venture out & do designs that are unusual for me, I often end up disliking them. I don't usually ruminate much on it because ultimately I am my own target audience & don't care much about drawing in new followers & whatnot, but I guess part of the lingering self-consciousness is that I feel like as a kinda skinny white woman I *need* to branch out more. Like 99% of my OCs have very similar body types (usually based on my own, some skinnier, some more toned) and probably like 80% have white skin (I've gotten better at not making them all SUPER pale but still). But at the same time, I'm just one person who draws for fun, so while part of me feels like I have a moral obligation to make more darker skinnined characters and different body types, even if I did do that it's not like I have much influence on people. I do try to boost art of those kinds of characters as some sort of attempt to make up for it I guess? Idk. And this ramble is turning into something other than what I initially was thinking.

So TL;DR: seeing "I was thinking of you as someone who comes up with unique outfits, and also great hairstyles" (actual quote) was just kinda surreal lol. My imposter syndrome isn't as bad as it used to be but it's definitely still hanging around.

#tmi

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littlewalken · 1 month

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mar 16

I think other doll people will understand that if I pay perhaps a bit much for the headless Francie body (I have a matching head) it will help balance out for the times I under pay for that Volks MDD and what I hope isn't someone's custom Skelita who was porch pirated.

But however that Skelita got to the store she knew she'd be safe here and made sure she was seen.

And one picture I was going to put here is deleted and the other one is on the phone but not the puter.

Well, picture a set of the Malibu-Sunset Barbie gang with their tans but the Francie is on a Barbie body. Now that I've ordered a matching Francie body it looks like I might be keeping them. We'll just say between buying odd TLC lots, did have to reroot the Steffie face PJ, and what not I ended up with a batch of them in decent shape. Was going to sell them in my GTFO out sale but now... I'd definitely keep the Francie so I can have a Francie body for reference.

Which all reminds me that updating and expanding my pattern drafting book is part of the everything that's been in gay baby jail.

Did pretty much decide that come Monday I'll be going to the box store and getting some box store book shelves. The heavy duty ones are too big and the plastic ones like I had before are too deep, among other reasons I didn't like them. The metal no hardware type won't hold the weight, as the one bowing under the not that heavy weight of my art supplies.

I know box store shelves have a short-ish life but I had one before that moved twice with us and I just out grew it and ended up with the Ikeas before opting for a second one.

Or basically we don't want any furniture we can't technically move by ourselves because we don't have anyone else able bodied to help us. I know we just moved in and plan to stay put for several years, as long as possible, but that's just been my life experience.

The rewriting of notes should be finished some time today. Did hit a plot point that will be somewhat more interesting to figure out now that previous ones were omitted but I'll manage. It might make Gregory's emotional emotion more emotional.

Tomorrow morning is planned sewing machine day. I don't expect to be finished with the purple strips tho because I only allow myself so much time at the machine because of my back.

Tomorrow is also the puptatoes' birthday and I will always miss coming out of my room and all six racing to see who would be first to greet me.

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seamus-ly · 1 year

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Starting 2023 Not With a Bang, but With a Post

Happy holidays and happy new year, first of all. I'm one of those people who tends to struggle throughout the holidays, and so it was a bit rough for me, but I sincerely hope that it was better for a good majority of the rest of you.

I ended my 2022 by falling asleep 15 minutes before midnight and waking up at 1:30 AM. The first thing I did waking up was opening Twitter and writing out a few 2023 goals I had in mind but couldn't find the energy to commit to paper before the year turned over.

In an effort to use this account more often to document my progress through my career, because I want to hold myself somewhat accountable by putting it all down somewhere, and because I find it therapeutic to talk about these things, I'm gonna throw down a few things I'm hoping to achieve this year.

Career-related goals in game dev, and some of my achievements from 2022

Health-related goals for this year so I don't go insane

Other goals like art and setting up a tip jar

Career-related Goals

I'm a game dev, and you probably already knew that going in.

In 2022, I had a hand in two games that had their official releases (and are still on sale heehoo), and I'm currently working on two other indie games! This was a big deal for me. Not only in that I had mostly positive experiences and it was a huge turning point in my career in games, but because I had some negative ones too.

The negative doesn't come close to outdoing the positive, but it did help me reprioritize some things in my life and reflect on events from the past few years. Though I'm a bit heartbroken by some things I'll likely never get back, I'm ready to keep moving forward.

With that out of the way, I'm hoping to make at least 1 new game this year--not counting projects I'm already working on. I made Wish You Were Here! and finished the very first prototype for TECHNOLYMPUS in 2022. So, my big hope is to polish it up and finally get an idea for what TECHNOLYMPUS will really be about through that.

(They were both featured by the Hand Eye Society last year as well!)

I'm also hoping to participate in at least 1 game jam too. Setting the bar low so I can realistically cross it.

Health-related Goals

These ones matter the most to me, if I'm being honest.

Late 2022, I had a bit of a revelation thanks to my well-meaning and lovely friends. They are my best friends of all time, but I will still (jokingly) blame them for my horror in realizing just how much ADHD was affecting my everyday.

I'm undiagnosed, but my family has a history of ADHD and it never occured to me that it extended to me as well for a bunch of silly reasons. In retrospect, and after properly researching it myself, I guess it was always obvious and I just didn't know enough about it to understand what was going on.

But executive dysfunction obliterated me last year, and it's about time I stopped pretending it's because I'm not working hard enough.

So, my big goal is to get medicated. Secondary goal is to lose at least some of the weight I've gained from falling into some really bad mental health pits over the last 6-7 months or so.

Tangentially related to my health, I work multiple jobs right now and I also desperately require me-time. I tried to make a schedule of when I'd be doing what, but I couldn't stick to it on account of my deteriorating mental health and the whole executive dysfunction thing. Which, predictably, just made things worse.

I'm going to try really hard to stick to a schedule for at least a few weeks in January. Maybe I'll ask if some of my friends can keep my accountable and yell at me if I'm working in what are supposed to be my off-hours.

Other Goals

Here's some other stuff I want to try to do, and are a bit more lax with one exception.

I want to set up my Ko-fi for like actual tips and stuff. I don't have a ton of stuff to offer as rewards, and I don't think I'll have the bandwidth for regular updates (maybe monthly?), but I'd like to be able to offer something for people if they're going to support me. I'm currently thinking of little game dev or Unity tips, or art.

And speaking of art, I'm going to draw more! I haven't cared about developing my art style for literal years. I don't do it for my job, it's just a hobby. But I want to keep trying to get better regardless in light of how I've begun doing it in my downtime again. Going to work on developing my style drawing humanoids again, and working out something that works for me instead of trying to force a style I'm not too pleased with.

Lastly, I want to start drawing a ton of Pokemon. Damn, I love Pokemon. I'm going to draw all of them someday hopefully, even if the next gen comes out before I come even close to finishing all there is now. There's no timeline for this, I just want to start working through the National Dex sometime this year.

That's All, Folks

If you made it to the end of this, thanks! I don't write these lengthy posts for a need of keeping people updated (because I don't have that big of a following frankly), I write them because I like keeping a record of my progress.

But I truly appreciate anyone who stay up-to-date with what I'm doing, and I hope that whatever scraps of content I put out there appeals to you in some way.

2022 was both parts great and awful, and I feel like that's normal for the weird few years we've all had. I wasn't doing so hot at the end of the year, and it's likely I'll probably start feeling the dip in mood again soon. In spite of that, I'm looking forward to whatever steps I manage to take this year. And I hope that you manage to do what you set out to do as well.

#personal #long post #seamus speaks #i also only slept 3 hours today lmao oops

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pbandjesse · 2 years

Text

I had a really good day. It has ended with me a little overtired and emotional. But it was still a good day and I will be alright. I just need to sleep.

I slept really well last night. And so I did not even need to take a nap this afternoon. I think it has all caught up to me now. But I felt good this morning. I woke up and got dressed and felt super cute. Things were good! I was excited for the day.

I had not had great sales for the last two weeks. So I tried to just be positive. And I brought my knitting and I like when people ask me about it so it would be good to have.

We stopped for breakfast. And that was good because by the time we were getting to the museum I got in a slump all of a sudden. Just energy drop. The caffeine helped.

I got set up. I decided that I would have a little sale for the bears and things that didn't come out perfect and I felt uncomfortable selling at full price. And that was like. Such a good idea.

Because I would end up selling two large bears and one small bear at full price. And then selling a whole bunch of half price imperfect bears!! People were so sweet. It was great. They were excited about a deal and excited about how silly they were. And I felt like a good sales person and a good artist.

And I had some excellent chats today. With other people at the market, with the venders, with Ann. I tried to play good assistant and made sure James was emailing Ann things she needed and helping out best I could.

The weather was perfect. I felt pretty good. My food hurt but my hand was doing better. James got us some baked goods and I was having a great day.

I enjoyed doing my knitting. The poor loom is getting really beaten up in spots. But it's holding on. One peg is breaking but I am trying my best to be gentle on that spot. I really liked explaining how the temperature blanket works and people seemed really excited and that was awesome.

Ann would leave early. She started another round of chemo and it takes it out of her. I didn't know she was doing another round. Her hair hair started coming back. I hope she is doing okay at home right now. Just want her to be okay. She's a nice lady.

But she would go home to rest. And I would watch the market. Check in on people. And eventually go in to bring James a coffee and a pastry. Chatted with Jordan and Kristen at different points. And it was a good morning.

I would pack up pretty quickly at the end of the market. I spent a little time trying to figure out how I could better for all of stuff in the car. But the wagon wheels don't lay flat so it's not a perfect system. Maybe if the wagon breaks I'll replace it with something that gets flatter. But for now I love my wagon and this great. And things fit in the car good enough.

I would go home and when I got back I was in a good mood. A little tired but that's okay. I missed Mr Will and Ms Tina. I was going to ask about our kitchen counters, which have come off the wall, but maybe next time.

What I would do is get changed into a house dress. Because I'm an old lady. And put things away and do some art. Finally.

I did three prints for my book. Which brings me to 7 of 20. Slowly but surely I am getting there. I hope to do the rest over the next two weeks. I am also considering experimenting with digitally painting them?? We will see what I decide in the end but it's a possibility.

I also started working on a little painting for Jess. She is in Scotland right now and isnt having the best time. She's always been a pessimist but she also seems to struggle with traveling with her mom the last few times. Just a lot of complaining from others is weighing on her and not allowing her to have much fun. I hope it gets better. I am only slightly jealous. I just wish I was doing something with my mom. I miss my mom.

James would text me to let me know we were having dinner with family at 530 at the nice green place. Excellent. I would chill until then. I had a cupcake. I played one day of Stardew. I watched tiktoks. I filled a bucket with hot water and soaked my feet because they hurt so much. It helped a little.

And then James was home. We chilled and they played video games for a little. And I would get dressed again before we headed out.

And it was an excellent dinner. There was some wedding talk. Not enough in my opinion. But it was still nice. And the food was excellent. We got a bunch of small plates and I loved everything. We got a baked feta with honey and sesame seeds which was my suggestion and was excellent, as well as falafel, and a dip tapas that was so excellent. A flatbread I didn't like much but was okay. I had lots of pita and we got three deserts to share. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed the company.

We went back to the house and James's parents gave us a few more candlesticks and some ears of corn. We sat around and chatted for a little longer. Then hugs and home. Which was perfect timing because I was feeling really tired.

We got back home and my feet hurt still. And so I got a shower and got in bed. And that's basically where I have been. Which is good. I got a cramp in my side that sort of took the wind out of my sails. And then I was texting my mom and I got a little sad. And was just s little ready for a while. But I am okay. I am just tired.

I am meeting with someone tomorrow about a possible job for the spring. And then I hope to go get another fish for the living room tank. I hope I can find a great one.

I hope you all sleep great tonight. Take care of yourself! Goodnight!

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deltas-writing-corner · 3 years

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Courtship (4): The Gargoyle Graveyard

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland (Malleus x GN!reader)

Author note: Again, thank you all for being patient with me and I apologize for having a very inconsistent writing schedule. I'm going to make it my goal to update on a bi weekly basis instead of leaving you all in silent limbo. Also a reminder I suck at figuring out which warnings to put so if there's something that needs to be forewarned that I failed to disclose please lmk!

Warnings: Mentions of heavy bodily injuries | childhood trauma/neglect | discussions/mentions of discrimination | mentions of virginity/sexual history

Previous chapter | Next Chapter

AO3 version

Clay. Stone. Porcelain. Plaster. Metal. There are even gargoyles carved entirely of wood! Some statues are stand-alone works of art while others are part of a clear collection or series of similar inspiration. They even come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; as small as an apple or a towering height to rival Malleus himself. No matter what, each grotesque has been crafted with the utmost consideration, by well seasoned and knowing hands. Even the ones that have clear defects and cannot serve their intended purpose are free of overabundant ivy, weeds, or dust. There’s a clear degree of love and care the family who makes these statues has for their craft that makes him feel less alone in his interest in an uncherished form of art.

“It should be around here somewhere,” you muse aloud. Ever since he expressed interest in seeing more sculptures made with non-traditional materials, you’ve been keeping your eye out for a particular one that would fulfill his yearning. You eventually find it and eagerly point to it. “There it is!”

Malleus watches as you approach a massive-sized statue covered with a thick and half-wet tarp. He helps you remove the cover, revealing a winged and slightly humanoid canine. There are many more grotesques with a similar design, but what makes this one stand out the most is the material it’s made out of.

“Amazing!” Malleus awes. “I’ve never seen a grotesque of this size made entirely of glass! They’ve even managed to maintain their attention to detail despite such an abnormal material choice.”

“You can even see the inner channel where the water would flow in and redirect out of its mouth,” you notice.

“They even went out of their way to make it functional despite it being unfit for actual installation?” Malleus inquires with disbelief. “Such a shame.”

“If you’re looking to buy anything here, I’m afraid it's a lost cause. One of the first warnings the grandfather gave me is that none of these are for sale.”

“What was his second warning?”

“If we damage anything, even as small as a scratch, he’ll kill us.”

“How charming,” he chuckles. “I cannot blame him. These statues must take weeks to complete. Time is a human’s greatest enemy.”

“For some, sure. But when I went to visit the family and talked to the old man, he was lunging around all this heavy equipment like he was still in his prime,” you recall. “He lives for his craft. If there’s anything humans are at risk of their entire lives, it’s a lack of motivation and reason to live.”

“I suppose that’s true, but the lifespan of humans and the inevitable effects of aging is difficult to live with, especially once it begins to hinder one’s ability to do what one could previously do without issue. ”

“You’re not wrong,” you acknowledge. “But I think I’d rather live a short life with fulfillment than a dull, long-as-shit life.”

To show that he’s entirely on your side, Gunter lets out a guttural bark while his tail rapidly wags and thumps the damp ground, coating the ends of his bushy tail in specs of dirt and dirtied, remnant snow of the north that has managed to stay frozen on the isles warmer south end.

“You’re only agreeing with them because you’ve been promised food,” Malleus chastises. “Don’t think I didn’t pick up on your grumbling stomach.”

“And don't think I didn't pick up on your stomach rumbling either your highness," you quip back at him. "The family has a small cottage nearby we can use. We'll settle down for a bit and eat before sightseeing some more."

Before you turn and walk in the direction towards the aforementioned lodgings, you reach your hand out for Malleus to take and he latches onto you with restrained enthusiasm. He's taller than you, but he takes care not to take his normal strides as to not leave you struggling to keep up with him. Gunter doesn't know the way, so he trots beside you every step of the way up until the destination is in plain view. The cottage is small but well-attended. There’s a rustic flair to its construction that makes it feel familiar and safe despite never stepping foot in it before.

"Those gargoyles were something, huh?" you remark to him while you tap and shake off the gunk wedged into the soles of your heavy boots against the frame of the door.

"Indeed," he nods, taking your cloak off for you and hanging it on the wooden rack nearby. "I don't think I've ever seen that many gargoyles in one day. Just when my eyes land upon an intriguing one, there's several more that catch my attention."

The way he gets all wide-eyed is outright adorable. It makes you grin just as enthusiastically too. "I bet your club is going to have a field day once you tell them about this!"

His child-like smile turns into one of disappointment. "I'm certain they would, if I wasn't the sole member that is."

Your hands halt from pulling out and setting down all the premade food out of your pack. "Seriously? You're the only one?"

When he nods his head, you feel a twinge of hurt in your heart. Poor guy. You can only imagine how disappointing it must be to go through all those lengths to start a club (you would know since you're technically a staff member of the school and have been given a rundown on some of the school's functions and regulations) only for no one to show interest. Of course, you completely understand that gargoyles aren't exactly all the rage within the minds of teenage boys. Still! He goes through so much effort to build relationships with his peers but they always cower away, either due to his status or even because of the way he looks. You won’t deny that he does come off as rather intimidating at first glance, but he's a sweet guy once you give him the chance to speak.

But to expect teenagers going through social pressures and demanding academics to be as understanding and willing to understand someone like Malleus is an impossible demand. Given that everyone in the school can be a bunch of self-centered and easily agitated bunch of pricks, it's understandable that most of the student body isn't keen on trying to take into consideration the proper etiquette one needs to consider in the presence of a young and noble fae. Deuce has met and talked briefly with Malleus on one occasion, but even he visibly shakes whenever his name is mentioned, even in casual passing.

Wait until they found out who you've gone and gotten buddy-buddy with behind their back. They probably think they're slick or that their intentions are well swept under the rug, but it's clear they feel some semblance of responsibility for your well-being, as both a magicless individual as well as a close, albeit older, friend. You dread the day people begin to make the connections between Malleus and you, but you still can’t help but wonder what their reactions might be. You also dread the high probability those two idiots are going to find out and embarrass the living hell out of you, which you know you do not have the patience or tolerance for.

Gunter jumps up and sits himself down in one of the wooden dining chairs, pushing the small ceramic plate towards you with his nose, as if telling you "Alright, I’ve done what I said I'd do, now feed me what I'm owed." You tell him that you'll give him what he's well earned after you get a small fire started in the brick fireplace. Just because it's warmer near the southern half of the island and not as heavily blanketed with snow, doesn't mean the cold has completely vanished, Winter is still winter after all.

"Where did these scars come from?"

Malleus' unexpected question and closeness nearly make you drop the iron rod you've been using to stoke the growing fire. You've since taken off your boots and rolled up the bottoms of your pants just above your knee as the room starts to warm up enough for a thin layer of perspiration to accumulate and roll down your skin. The scars he's referring to are the ones on your right leg, both side by side at an awkward angle and discolored. You have a lot more scars than these, some much more gruesome in appearance than these two. Malleus has never asked about your scars, but sometimes you catch him looking in the general area of some that peak through your clothes. He likely keeps quiet about their existence out of courtesy.

Yet out of all the markings on your body, why did these two stand out enough that he'd finally ask about them?

"It's a long story," you say in an effort to stall the topic. "Sit. I'll feed you two once the fire is stable."

He doesn’t push you for an answer, instead simply doing as you say and lets you poke at the burning logs until they're properly aflame on their own. You made mostly some of your morning favorites; Creamy and thick potato stew with diced carrots and peas and some eggs, ham, and crispy hash browns sandwich between homemade halved croissants. You teased him about having picky taste buds earlier, but Malleus is content to eat anything you serve him so long as it is not comparable to the likes of Lilia's atrocious cooking.

(Seriously, how does a man as old as Lilia not know the basic fundamentals of cooking? And why does everything he makes end up burnt and tasting like something rotten? You will never understand.)

"Don't eat too quickly," you warn Gunter as you pour a bit of light-colored soup onto his designated plate. Your words are ignored, as the equally marred wolf sloppily slurps and munches on the few bits of potatoes and vegetables you generously scraped out of the thermos. His food is gone as quickly as it’s put in front of him and he looks at you expecting more.

"No. The rest is mine," you scold. "And don't beg Malleus for some either! I know you do it behind my back, you little shit!"

He turns to look at Malleus with an accusatory glare, thinking that he ratted him out to you. Malleus’s response towards the silent imputation is to turn and look out the window as if something caught his interest all of a sudden, cup raised to his lips as he politely sips away at his meal without an air of calmness. You have to slap a hand over your mouth to hide the amusement that overtakes your senses.

"Malleus, stop that!"

"Stop what?" he innocently asks.

"Stop making me want to laugh!"

He sets his cup down onto its matching serving dish. "It's not my fault you have an easily satiable sense of humor."

"Wow!" you say incredulously and put your arms up in offense. "And here I was thinking we were friends!"

His distant demeanor breaks and you both devolve into a fit of laughter together. Gunter unfortunately takes advantage of your joint distraction and slips away with a warm sandwich between his jaw, your sandwich in particular.

"That damn wolf!" you curse. "I knew I should have trusted my gut and pack extras.”

Malleus pities your distress before moving over to sit closer. "Worry not. I'll split mine in half with you,” he reassures.

"No, it's fine," you immediately dismiss his offer. "Have it for yourself."

"I'm not taking no for an answer," he firmly states. “Don’t be stubborn. It’s far too early for that.”

"I thought you liked it when I was stubborn?” you pout.

He shakes his head with a smile. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t”

"At least someone likes my attitude,” you say after chewing and swallowing a mouthful of soup. “Sebek certainly doesn’t."

"The boy is stubborn as well. When two equally stubborn individuals cross paths, you will witness nothing but discord between the two."

"Add the fact I'm human into the mix, and we'll be exchanging fists instead of words sooner or later," you scoff. "I get that some faes don't like humans, but what's his deal with acting like he’s got a vendetta against me?"

"Sebek doesn't hate humans for the reasons you might think," Malleus admits. "It’s more like he finds them difficult to think that highly of. Did you know that he is half-human?"

You nearly choke on your own breath over the sudden revelation. "Really?"

"Indeed," Malleus finds amusement at your disbelief. "Have you ever wondered why his ears aren't pointed like Silver, but his eyes are like mine and Lilia’s?"

"Damn,” you scratch the back of your head with embarrassment. “Now I feel stupid.”

"You aren't. Given the way he speaks, not many would assume he had human blood in his veins. His mother was highly regarded within her social circle, but her marriage to a human man tarnished her reputation a great deal. She's happy and does not seem to care what others think of her these days. However, when Sebek set out to be a knight, his mother's marriage and his lineage were often brought up as a way to scrutinize his character and capabilities rather than any of his actual shortcomings as an individual."

"Poor kid," you sigh. "Lilia told me those sorts of things still happen in The Valley, but it sounds so outlandish that I couldn’t take it that seriously."

"Many faes hold old traditions above all else, to a degree that the purity of one's blood stands above all other merits." His eyebrows pressed together in annoyance. "Even my grandmother thinks it's archaic, but as the reigning queen she has to embody a persona of neutrality between the social divide."

"It sounds like you have your work cut out for you in the future," you say, almost apologetically. "What do you plan to do about it once you're the king?"

There's a brief flash of surprise over your question, but Malleus easily answers it as usual. "I think my first course of action as king would be to properly knight Sebek and Silver."

"Bet my rifle that Sebek is going to cry the entire ceremony!" you remark with certainty. "That's all he ever goes on about, being a knight and all."

"He's devoted countless hours and efforts since he was a child. If there's anyone who deserves to join the knighthood, it's him."

"Definitely," you nod to further cement your agreement with him. "He could stand to lower his voice a bit. He'll give you tinnitus before long.”

"At least we won't have to worry about losing him in a crowd," Malleus jests.

"That's to say we'll lose sight of him to begin with," you remark. "He'll gladly lose me in a crowd. You? You'd be lucky to get out of arm's length."

"You underestimate me, dearest," Malleus smirks. "Ever since I've met you, I've perfected the art of avoiding Sebek's insistent searches."

"Have you now?" you razz back. "Don't let him catch onto the fact. He'll have my head."

He reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. Each second his skin touches yours makes you tingle. Time slows down ever so briefly if only to savor the small instance of physical connection for as long as possible. "What of your aunts?" he inquires. "Are they as overprotective of you as Sebek is of myself?"

"They’re a trio of mama bears," you proudly admit. "I'm old enough to drink and well equipped to fend for myself, but in their minds, I'll always be the little tyke that couldn't even eat their meals without looking at them for approval. Especially my aunt Gia."

You have three aunts. There's your aunt Marisol, the mother of most of your cousins and the main caretaker of the household. Your second aunt Lucia was well into her studies at university when you came to live with them, but her stress and long hours of mulling over her course materials paid off in the long run. Your gardening skills wouldn't be what they are now without her expertise in agricultural botany.

Then there's your aunt Gia. Oldest of the three. An absolute tank of a woman. No spouse. No kids of her own. She lived off the land like an absolute titan. The woman raised you as if she was the one that carried you for nine months and not your actual birth mother.

How would you describe your parents? If your parents were told to list out their priorities in life, their careers would be at the top of the list and you would be put at the very bottom. Why they carried you to term is beyond your understanding. You later learned that Gia had even offered to take you under her care well before your birth, knowing that your parents might not be well-suited to take care of you in the way she thinks would be beneficial for you. It was a convenient offer that would have saved everyone the trouble years down the line when you had your accident. They worked in a cutthroat industry and were constantly moving up the executive echelons. They had no time for you, yet their pride as a pair of young, successful business magnates made them incapable of seeing past the reality of the situation. That left you mostly in the care of last-minute caretakers and your aunts, but only if they had time from their own busy and preoccupied lives to come out into the city and visit.

You were eight years old when things started to get better, but it was upstarted in the worst possible way. Your parents had to go away for the upcoming weekend for work and left you in the care of a babysitter as per the norm. The babysitter never showed up however and your parents apparently couldn’t be bothered to check up on you even once the entire trip. Their silence wasn’t surprising. You just went on about your business for the next three days on your own like nothing was wrong. Your aunt Gia had even called at one point to check up on you, but you didn’t bother to tell her that your parents had left you to fend for yourself. She would have exploded if you did, but not as much as she did when you woke up in the hospital after falling down the stairs and lying helplessly on the ground for several hours with a dislocated shoulder and a compound-fractured leg. You were lulling in and out of consciousness due to all the medication pumped into you, but what little you do remember seeing and hearing when you regained consciousness will forever stick with you for the rest of your life.

If people think your level of swearing is bad, they should have heard your aunt that day. She swore so viciously that it could set an innocent bystander's eardrums on fire. What will forever stand out the most to you was the fact that your parents didn’t even look the least bit apologetic or regretful. They didn’t even approach you once your aunt was done giving them a piece of her mind to check up on you. They simply talked with the awaiting social worker and doctors and then left. It was for the better, but the small part of you that continued to hold onto the desperate belief that your parents would come around one day sent you into a thrashing frenzy and you had to be sedated before you could hurt yourself anymore.

The next year was spent recovering from your injuries, meeting regularly with your caseworker, and going through therapists like a pack of cigarettes. By the time you were back on your feet and the legal proceedings of your custody case were concluded, all you wanted was to move on with it all. Nearly a decade of neglect left you this unattentive, uncertain husk of a person who couldn’t take a single step forward without looking for some sort of guidance or assurance. Your family was exhausted by the entire ordeal and over speaking with third parties. Your aunts took it upon themselves to help you regain your sense of self in the comfort of your new home, no matter how difficult or demanding it was going to be.

“It took some time, but eventually it clicked in my mind that I was in a better place and I started to get better. As for my parents, I have no clue what they’re up to these days.” You lean back into your chair and let out a shaking yawn. “I like to think they’re getting on well like I am.”

“I don’t understand.” Malleus looks at you with unbelievable confusion. “Your parents treated you poorly, yet you don’t sound the least bit resentful. Why is that?”

You shrug your shoulders. “What’s the point? I'm in a better place now, so I've let bygones be bygones. 'Doesn't mean I don't harbor any anger against them anymore. I do, but getting upset won't change what's happened to me."

Gunter, having sensed your discomfort over the matter, trots over and rests his head on your lap. You gratefully rub the top of his head, carding your hands through his thick, coarse hair. "I'm just glad they let me go without a fuss. Family court was hell for my family.” Your eyebrows knit together. “Expensive too.”

Crackling wood fills the momentary silence that befalls the small cottage. What you've recollected to Malleus is a lot to take in, and if you're being quite honest you'd prefer if he just dropped the subject and talked about literally anything else right now. You hope he doesn't say he's sorry or any other type of apologetic comment. That's all you were ever told that entire year it all happened, during court proceedings, your rehabilitation, by both strangers and distant family members alike.

"I'm so sorry. What happened to you was unfortunate. You didn't deserve it."

No shit you didn't deserve any of that. You were a kid. You don’t need one pity party after another to realize that what took place then had fucked you forever. But as you said earlier, you're in a better place now, with a loving and supportive family that's moved on alongside you. A family you need to get back to as soon as possible.

"I love you."

Well, if he was hoping to take your mind off the past. that certainly did it. How can it not? It came out of nowhere and as good as you are at holding your composure when need be, you're sure you look no less like a gaping fish when warm and plush softness presses right against the corner of your lips. A kiss. His kiss.

"What's wrong?" Your voice sounds shaky. You’re nervous.

"Nothing," he smiles reassuringly. "I simply said what I felt needed to be said."

"Fair enough" you concede easily. He was going to say it sooner or later. He already has actually, now that you think about it. Yet here you are trying to process his words like it’s rocket science.

"Am I going about this too fast perhaps?" he genuinely asks. His hands that have been busy massaging your calves that have settled across his lap somewhere during your long retelling gradually slow down, but his hands never go completely still. "This is my first time experiencing something like this."

"What?" You sit up a bit straighter. "A relationship?"

"Yes."

Your head tilts to the side. "Really?"

He nods hesitantly "Yes?"

For a moment, you go completely quiet. "I don't believe you,” you doubtfully say, head shaking to further showcase your refusal to believe him.

He must not have liked your remark, frowning with clear offense in his eyes. When he dislikes something, the vertical slits in his eyes contract into a thin line. "I cannot lie, yet you still doubt me?"

"I know you can't lie, but I find it hard to believe you haven't been with anyone else before," you explain. Before you can consider the appropriateness that was your newfound curiosity about Malleus's apparently non-existent love life, you blurt out, "Are you still a virgin?"

You slap your hand over your mouth the moment those words come out of it. He's equally caught off guard and nearly drops his warm cup of coffee. Even Gunter is surprised by your question, olive-colored eyes looking at you as if you've lost your mind. It's an invasive question, inappropriate even. You and Malleus have been dating for a little over two days. A question like that is way too early to bring up just yet.

"You don't have to answer that," you tell him behind your palm. "I shouldn't have even asked it. Forget I ever brought it up-”

"I'm not," he interrupts you, leaving you even more shocked than you already are. You’re practically gaping like a fish by now. "I'm not a virgin,” he further insinuates.

A deafening silence, but it’s eventually broken by yourself. “I still don’t believe you.”

Malleus gets further annoyed at your refusal to accept his truth. "I'm not lying!" he insists.

"Bullshit!"

"Do you want me to recount my history to you?" he asks, exasperated as you are at the shift the conversation is taking. "Will that satisfy your doubts?"

"You know what? It will!" you loudly declare. "Who'd you sleep with?"

"He was a young page at the time,” he reminisced. “It happened before I was a century old.”

Your eyebrows raise with intrigue. "Was he cute?"

"Yes," he hushedly agrees. The disconcerting admittance paints his face a pinkish-red glow. "But that's not why I bedded him."

"But surely his looks are what made you interested in the first place?” you make blatant regard of the fact.

“You’re not wrong,” he acknowledges, expertly avoiding agreeing with you outright. “But his looks aren't the sole reason I was drawn to him. He was bright-eyed and ambitious, to the point you’d think him insane given his position in the court. It was also the first time I ever truly met with a group of humans, and my young mind was eager to get a more accurate perspective of humans that wasn’t through the lens of my tutors.”

“An ‘accurate perspective’?” You make playful air quotes, eyebrows wiggling because you know the fact that he knows what you’re implying. The playful comment is met with a sharp pinch on your leg that makes you jump and shriek out in pain. Did he have to dig his nails into you? Apparently so, and now you have small crescent indents on your skin. “I bet Lilia had a good laugh when he found out.”

“He doesn’t know, actually,” he admits to you with what is obviously a proud smile.

“Now I know you’re lying to me,” you scoff. “Nothing escapes the old man’s radar.”

His hands begin to rub out the marks he’s left on you as a form of apology. “Lilia is sharp, but he had lost most of his vigor by the time I was born.”

You go wide-eyed again. “You mean his hearing and eyesight was better than it is now?”

He nods affirmatively. “From what I’ve been told, terrifyingly so.”

Lilia is already frightening as is. His short stature and boyish looks make him perfectly unassuming to those who don’t know any better. You once watched him beat up a couple of bulky, twice-his-height students from Savanaclaw without breaking a sweat, yet moments before he was jokingly scolding himself for dozing off so easily. You never once thought he was ever out of his elements. A cold chill runs down your spine thinking how much more perceptive the older fae may have been back during his prime years.

“Wonder what Lilia’s gonna think,” you ponder out loud in a quick effort to banish out the skin-prickling mental imagery your mind was invoking. “About us, I mean.”

Malleus seems surprised that you would change the topic to that of all things, but his initial shock goes away as quickly as it came. “As you may have guessed, he’s an open-minded individual, but he’s also very realistic and unafraid to say what’s on his mind.”

“So what does that mean for you and me?” you question with a bit of hesitation.

“Well,” he trails off and ponders for a moment. “He’ll surely like the scandal our relationship would invoke. However, as my caretaker and mentor, he won’t hesitate to put an end to it if he feels it necessary.”

Had it been anyone else sitting beside you, you’d have found that comment way too extreme and outright ridiculous. However, you are not speaking to anyone ordinary. You are not sitting before someone normal. It doesn't matter how well you get along with him. It sure as hell doesn't matter how deeply in love you are with him, and him of you. The moment you have been deemed a shortcoming, the outings, the closeness, it all stops. All of it will come crashing down and both you and him will be left wondering what could have been done differently.

Malleus is truly your best friend, because already he can tell that your mind is beginning to spiral even when you go quiet. He calls for your attention by gripping his hand around your bare ankle and carefully tugging the end of your limb. “Don’t fret over it too much,” he soothes, yet also sounding like he’s scolding you for letting your mind wander off so negatively. “Lilia is an exceptional judge of character. From what I’ve gathered, you’ve well exceeded all his marks. He trusts you, and to gain such a thing from someone as old and wise as him is an extraordinary feat.”

You brew over the attempted compliment he tried to pay to you. Unfortunately, it doesn’t snub out all these festering thoughts in your head. It doesn’t even give you temporary relief. Perhaps it would have brought you a sense of peace a few months ago, but with everything that has happened thus far, you doubt even Malleus can alleviate the storm that rattles inside you, even if what he speaks is without a doubt nothing but the truth.

Surely he can see that you are still having some hangups. When you lift his hand and plant a chaste kiss on the back of his hand, you hope he can decipher the gesture as a pitiful request for his forgiveness for dampening the once energetic mood. He is not at fault for your loss and inability to think optimistically at the moment and you need to make sure he knows it.

Today is about him, not you. Even if it’s just for today, you’ll put on a pleasant facade and worry about the rest at a later date. It’s just you and him, and for now, that’s enough.

You do a mental countdown starting from three, before finally giving him a late response to the three words he uttered in confidence to you earlier. “I love you too, by the way.”

You love him. You love him. You love him. That’s all his mind can think of for the rest of the day. He replays your reciprocation over and over like it’s sacred and all-powerful.

He had planned to return to his dorm before the sun began to set, but he found the mere idea of detaching from you deeply unwanted and made the last-minute decision to spend the evening at the Ramshackle dorm. He already has a few articles of clothing and personal essentials set up in one of the many empty rooms, so neither Lilia nor you had any objections at his sudden request.

“Don’t worry!” You shout across the room so that Lilia can hear you over his phone. “I’ll make sure he gets to bed on time!”

“You have my gratitude!” Lilia’s muffled voice responds gratefully. “Don’t cause too much trouble now, you two.”

“No promises~” you sing in jest before Malleus hangs up. Once the call ends Johnny, Benji, Franky, and you turn their attention back to their ongoing game of poker. Malleus watches and occasionally laughs to himself over the friendly banter shared between the quartet. At the end of every round, the winner is assaulted with colorful profanities whilst they take their newly won gambling chips with ebullience. Yet with each new dealing of cards, the animosity goes away and they’re all back to being friendly. He finds your interactions with your incorporeal roommates more entertaining than the book he’s been reading to pass the time.

“Hey, fairy boy,” Franky informally calls out toward him. “Don’t be a stranger now. Play a few rounds with us.”

“I’m afraid I’m not well versed in card games,” he admits, yet he still finds himself setting his literature aside and moving over to join them.

“Don’t worry,” you give him a reassuring smile. “They’ll go easy on you.”

“For how long?” he knowingly asks.

You give him an impressed smirk at his quick uptake. “I give it three rounds before they start to pull back their sleeves.”

Malleus is well-adjusted to the need to quickly learn a new topic and the expectation for him to fully comprehend it in full. None of them are harsh on him for his minor mistakes like some of the tutors he’s had in the past. Answers that he believes may be obvious or not as complicated as he thinks they are being answered with enthusiastic patience. The smallest achievements he makes are met with a proud response. When he makes a surprise turnabout and wins his first game, he’s rewarded with an encouraging round of applause by everyone.

“Not bad,” Benji praises as he shuffles the deck of cards. “You’re a fast learner.”

“So I’ve been told,” he humbly replies. “Is this the part where you all stop going easy on me now?”

“Don’t provoke them,” you half-heartedly warn. “Otherwise we’ll be up all night duking it out otherwise.”

Franky sets his glass of iced liquor down on the edge of the table. “Don’t you little lovebirds worry. We won’t take up too much of your well-needed time together.”

Annoyed at the clear jab at his relationship with you, you throw one of your chips towards his head. It passes through his body and clatters on the floor behind him. Your fawn Blossom jumps down from their spot on the couch and goes to sniff it, thinking it to be food, but walks away with a disappointed strut when he realizes it isn’t anything edible.

“I didn’t tell them a damn thing,” you defensively clarify. “It was so obvious what was going on between us that they figured it all out before we made it official.”

He lets out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “That’s...I can’t say I’m too pleased to hear about that.”

“We won’t say anything,” Franky reassures. “Just make sure to put a sock on the door whenever you guys want some alone time.”

“Franky!” you hiss at him. “What the hell?!”

“What?” he looks at you, unbothered by your clear embarrassment. “Do you honestly expect us to think you guys went out just to look at a bunch of statues?”

“Oh, I’m sure they were looking at something,” Johnny smirks. “It wasn’t made of stone though.”

“I hate you guys,” you growl out, arms crossing and leaning back into your seat with an angry huff. You don’t mean it. He can see the tremble of your lips as you try to contain the urge to grin. “Even if we did end up rolling around in the sheets, I wouldn’t be yapping about it for all to hear, much less you guys!”

“What happens in the gargoyle graveyard stays in the gargoyle graveyard, eh?” Franky winks at both Malleus and you, nudging you with his elbow.

“Exactly!” you affirm, batting the large ghost away from you for some much-needed distance. “Now stop being so damn nosy.”

They cackle one last time and everyone seamlessly goes back to their ongoing game. Conversations like the one that just concluded are commonplace in your dormitory. Even if he contributed next to nothing to the discussion, he enjoys watching them interact. You come from a world where ghosts are hardly as overt as the ones in this world. Ghosts are said to entertain themselves by picking on the living, to the point that it can be fatal. Your ability to come up with witticisms at a moment's notice is something he enjoys seeing in action. He feels great satisfaction not only knowing that he has secured your love but to also see you in a state of tranquility and within your elements.

As Benji and you have a hushed conversation on the sidelines, he reaches over and places his hand on your knee beneath the table. You quietly reach over and put your hand over his, stroking the back of his hand with your thumb like it’s instinctual. Unfortunately, the heart-fluttering moment is ruined by the sudden buzzing of his phone. He has half a mind to ignore it, but when he gives the screen a glance he realizes ignoring the caller is not an option.

“I’ll be out for a moment,” he excuses himself once he sets his hand down and stands himself upright. “This shouldn’t take that long, hopefully.”

They all stop to look up at him inquisitively for half a second. In unison, they ask, “Sebek?”

“Sebek,” he affirms.

There are simultaneous displays of annoyance, pity, and silent wishes of good luck directed at him. He’s tempted to ask where all this contempt for the boy comes from, but then he remembers the many times Sebek barges his way into their dorm at the worst possible moments. It is either when everyone is beginning to settle down after a long day or in the middle of an important house project, the former more so than the latter now that the dorm is much more stable and in need of less restoration. Malleus learned the hard way how ill you and the ghosts will react when your peace is unwantedly interrupted and your space invaded by an unwanted guest.

Sebek is also quick to scrutinize whatever he sees out loud without a filter. You never seem to mind half of the time, merely rolling your eyes and moving past Sebek’s ill-meaning remarks as if you never heard them. As you are someone Malleus highly regards and holds close to his bosom, he hopes Sebek can one day set aside his strife with humankind and give you the due diligence you deserve.

...Though, he completely understands that reaching that point will take time. While you can endure Sebek to a certain degree, there are times where he, unfortunately, pushes you past that threshold and, without flinching, you will tell him to “Shut the fuck up”. Your words, not his.

“Young master!” Sebek's transmitted voice peaks and he has to half pull it away to give his pained eardrums some relief. “I was informed by Lord Lilia that you will be spending the night over at the Human’s dorm. Have you all your accommodations at their estate? If not, I will swiftly-”

“That won’t be necessary,” he half laughs at his enthusiasm over such a small task. “I have enough to keep me comfortable and well for a few days. Your offer is still very much appreciated.”

“Y-Yes, of course,” he stutters. “If there’s anything you should ever find a need for, please inform me at once! I will fulfill your every wishes no matter the hour!”

He’s enthusiastic and ready to act at a moment’s notice, even during the middle of a cold and dark hour. Malleus doesn’t necessarily dislike this part of Sebek, but he’s starting to understand why someone like you would find such subservience difficult to deal with. At any moment, Malleus could ask Sebek to grab some insignificant item of his and tread through the thick snow to deliver it to him, and the boy would do so with jubilation and utmost timeliness. You on the other hand wouldn’t be caught dead ordering someone to do something on your behalf when you believe you are well and capable of doing it yourself.

You don’t put expectations onto the backs of others, choosing to trust yourself first before anyone else. He knows now that it’s a result of the one instance where you expected something from someone, only to be thoroughly let down and left wondering if it was you who did something wrong.

Malleus cannot make up for the pain you’ve been subjected to, but he hopes that he can become the outlier in your life that surpasses any preconceived notions you may hold onto others. He hopes...No, he absolutely will be the one who brings you your well-earned and deserved joy and repose, just as you have done for him and continue to do so.

You love him, and he will ensure he is worthy of every last drop of your fidelity.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #malleus draconia #twst malleus #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #twst writing #twst fanfic #fanfic: courtship #reader insert #reader insert fanfic #reader insert fanfiction #gender neutral reader #gender neutral pronouns #x reader

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nothorses · 3 years

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okay i just wanna say i love the art you made, so much, it's everything i love in art as well as being a piece with a lot of meaning that i can relate to, but a detail i love a lot is the bandages to bare chest also goes from beardless to bearded and for me that's how i went as well. i shaved clean for years, but after my surgery i couldn't shave for a while and it grew out and i grew attached to having it, and ive had a beard since. anyway i already gushed in the tags of my reblog but i'll say it again here i think this piece is brilliant, so well executed, absolutely captivating to look at, and expresses so well and in such a marvelously simple way this feeling of transformation and change with imagery that is easily recognizable and relatable to many. don't stop making art, even if it's not the kind that gets a lot of attention it is powerful and meaningful and it is appreciated by me, at least, and im sure others too will resonate with it. okay enough being sappy thank u for sharing your work.

🥺💙 Thank you so much, oh my god! Your words are so kind and good, I appreciate it a lot.

I definitely put a lot of my own personal experiences into the piece, which is something I've struggled to do with my art in the past- but finally knowing my identity, growing comfortable with it, and transitioning in the ways I've wanted to for so long has made that a lot easier. The different stages I showed are stages I went through too, and that final figure is definitely a combination of where I'm currently at & where I want to be. (Which is a long-winded way of saying that my blonde ass will not be getting real facial hair any time soon, but we're getting there!)

I'm glad it resonated with you! Honestly the piece just felt very "right" to me, and like so many of the times I've shared pieces of myself either here or in other public spaces, it's always a surprise and a comfort how many people end up resonating and relating to those things.

As a sidenote, I'll have an edition of at least 5 of those prints once I get them cleaned up, numbered, and signed; I might put a few of those (and some of the finished prints with errors that don't make it into the edition) up for sale somewhere. So if folks want a physical copy, keep an eye out! I'll post about it here if and when that happens.

#art #<3333 #tbh this print is by far my favorite thing ive worked on possibly ever

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dogtoling · 3 years

Text

What is a Special Weapon? (a speculation)

So let's get straight into the post. (LONG post under the cut)

A Special Weapon is: - the weapon itself: a powerful ink battling weapon manufactured and regulated specifically for this purpose (Bubble Blower, Sting Ray, Inkstrike, Inkzooka etc.) OR - a specialized attack or response treated as a special weapon (Kraken, Splashdown, Booyah Bomb etc.) - Supposedly uses the Inkling's own ink - debatable, but highly likely based on evidence

Before we can get deeper into the special weapon lore, we must look into what comes BEFORE a special weapon. That's the special gauge.

There are multiple ways to fill up a special gauge: - Inking turf - Having control over an objective in Ranked Battle - Being in an underdog situation in a match (Tenacity) - Equipping a Canned Special What happens when the special is then activated? The meter slowly depletes, and once it is fully drained, the special ends. In practice, what IS the special meter? Now, when looking at the meter objectively, it looks as if it's filled with ink. That alongside its function in powering Special Weapons, as well as draining like an actual Ink Tank, can give the impression that it is LITERALLY a secondary ink reserve the player is filling up. This is in order to then use all of that ink as ammo for the special. And this actually makes a lot of sense. well now it's time to open a whole new can of worms (or weapons i guess)

CANNED SPECIALS Canned specials are literally, well, canned specials that make an appearance in Splatoon's single player modes as well as the Battle Dojo from the first game.

(From the splash screen of the first game, we can see that they are approximately the size of an actual tuna can.) Upon obtaining a canned special, your special gauge immediately fills up and you gain the ability to use said special weapon, which heavily suggests that the special weapon itself is stored inside.... the tiny can. You know, stuff like a force field, or a 7ft ink cannon. Or a pressure washer that includes more ink than the volume of an Inkling. Yeah. Right. So this implies insane hammerspace technology if it IS to be taken at face value - although i find it odd that there's not a single official art or tidbit of lore that acknowledges that inklings in fact obtain their specials from tiny hammerspace tins. (Even sub weapons and their inner workings make a tiny appearance in official art. Specials are never elaborated on too much, unfortunately...)

As an alternative, there is the concept of the cans holding a specific amount of condensed ink enough to power any of the included specials that you could then pop inside the weapon. That is not at all how it's implied to work, but it's a cool alternate explanation that makes slightly more sense - and if we take some liberties and assume that the cans are a LIIITTLE bit bigger, we could even argue that the cans could be THE special gauge itself. Looking at the special gauge, it IS designed to be round, just like a tin. I don't recall what it was modeled after if anything, or if it's just a coincidence, but food for thought.

Oh yeah also here's a picture of a NORMAL main weapon can that you can get at Kamabo Co. They have one for like every weapon type as well as some bombs which implies that weapons are oftentimes stored inside cans (although these might be bigger cans). Either way, the ink tank idea might be down the drain considering the implications of this one.

Anyway, moving on. Hi guys! I brought you guys all the way through that wall of text... just to dunk on that literal ink tank theory and dump it in the trash because there is another theory that makes more sense on like every scale possible. I'm so sorry. (But I also really like the idea of the special gauge being a literal ink tank that you fill up, so I had to include it, because it's not like it doesn't hold a lot of ground.) I'll get straight to the point. The other theory is that the special gauge is only a hypothetical concept created for the sake of gameplay and balancing, and in reality, it is simply the buildup to what I'll refer to as the "special rush" state of an Inkling. It has no physical value, varies between Inklings, and has no ties to actual points at all. Observe these bits from the art books 1 and 2:

1. Some Inkzooka trivia. Although the entry refers to SPECIFICALLY this weapon, it is very likely that the same is true for all special weapons - or at least the ones that primarily use ink (so not necessarily things such as the Bubbler and Echolocator).

(Ignore the random lines. Those are my notes lol) This Baller entry tells us a LOT and i mean a LOT of what we needed to know. First of all, the Inklings' ink output breaks the laws of physics there is no way a single inkling has enough ink inside it to even fill THAT ball at least 4 times the volume of its body NOT TO MENTION producing enough ink to fill one SEVEN TIMES THAT SIZE anyway the important part is the one where it confirms that Inklings produce an abnormal amount of ink while they are using a special weapon. Because the Baller was specifically developed for the purpose of containing all the excess ink, there is a big implication that the ink is originating from the user itself, specifically in the moment of using a Special. Then why is this? Well now we get to the concept of the "special rush" that I mentioned before. It refers to this state that we see Inklings enter when their special gauge fills up:

Their tentacles will glow, bubble up as if boiling, and they will look as if caught in an epic dramatic action movie wind at all times. This is when they're able to use their Special.

I think it's safe to say that this is "a heightened emotional state". As opposed to for example the Kraken which could be a repurposed panic response (if you haven't seen my post about that, that exists too) the special rush is likely a similar all-out response, although caused by getting really in the zone of battle. So to put it simply, a POSITIVE chemical response, in which the Inkling's body starts pumping more ink through channeling one's fighting spirit and yadda yadda yadda.

To put it shortly here; this "rush" likely evolved as a response to intense territory disputes or even hunting. More ink means more defense AND more offensive power. In Turf Wars, reaching this rush means that Inklings can - and probably have to - channel this excess ink elsewhere, which in this case is into special weapons that quickly gobble up all of the excess ink (with part of it going in the ink tank).

A lot of the weapons second this excess ink theory by including a heightened coating of ink across the user's whole body (Ink Armor, Booyah Bomb, Splashdown) or even rounding up the excess ink that's built up into an offensive endeavor (Splashdown, Booyah Bomb, other specials utilize it as ammo). Once all the ink is used up, the Inkling's emotional state stabilizes and the cycle soon starts over again until they hit the high mark again. (For a second ignoring the fact that it is physically impossible for them to produce this much ink. I guess I'm not ignoring it since I'm drawing attention to it here but it bothers me so much. My work is never done lol) So I guess this theory makes sense, but why is it inherently BETTER than the "special gauge is an ink reserve" one? Let's see the arguments for the ink tank version: 1. The Special Gauge is literally filled up with ink as the game is played. This is potentially something that happens as the weapon is shot, and some of the ink is channeled into the special gauge instead.

> It doesn't make much sense for this to be the case. The ink is being SHOT OUT, not stored; at least not stored anywhere visible and although you really have to have room for imagination when trying to draw logic for this game, i would really assume the developers would include a physical indicator of the gauge if it was meant to be literal.

2. There is potential for the Canned Specials to BE the gauge itself, as something that attaches or "fuels" the special. The gauge could be designed the way it is to reflect this.

> The canned specials are a weirdly inconsistent thing in the world of Splatoon, appearing ONLY as insta-fills in single player campaigns and the Splatoon 1 battle dojo. True, there are some on the player's desk in the splash screen of the first game, but we also don't know if those are for Turf War, or the dojo, or from Hero Mode. There's not even any for sale at Ammo Knights, whereas entire special weapons outside of cans very much are. Even if the special gauge isn't a can, it also doesn't mean that a can as an ink tank can't essentially serve the same purpose of providing the ink needed for a special. 3. The gauge fills up with a very distinct ink graphic, so it could literally mean it's ink!

> This one is true! But taking into consideration one thing; as a hypothetical gauge, the connection with ink is STILL there, as by the time the gauge is finished, the Inkling is basically overflowing with excess Ink. So rather than an external tank being filled with ink, the player itself is. 4. The gauge fills, then it's full, and it slowly depletes as a special is used. Basically the perfect flow; and a perfect reasoning for where all the ink comes from, and WHY you need to fill up the gauge to be able to use a special.

> This same reasoning still makes complete sense for the hypothetical gauge. The graphic goes up to indicate how close the Inkling is getting to the rush state, clearly shows when they are IN the rush state, and then the state slowly wears off as the ink is used. Where the ink comes from is directly explained in canon at this point; an Inkling in its special weapon state emits a crazy amount of ink - according to what the art book shows, more than like 10 times the volume of the inkling itself. Which makes zero sense whatsoever but, well, it does explain where the ink comes from. 5. The special meter being hypothetical wouldn't be good because it wouldn't be consistent at all. Some people surely get way more pumped WAY faster and use way more specials than others! No balance!

> The special meters aren't consistent to begin with, even in the game. People who stack Special Charge Up will sometimes use a special upwards of five times per 3-minute-game. People who get splatted a lot may literally never get to use a special once. Just like people's personalities in real life, the rates at which different Inklings would "charge up" can vary by a mile. And furthermore...

We see examples of the "special rush" outside of the gameplay!

Pearl, in the ending of Octo Expansion, enters a special rush mode seemingly out of nowhere (though you could also maybe say she might have used a canned special) after getting pumped to literally save the world. So does Agent 3; DOZENS OF TIMES, in both iterations of battles against them. They use a bunch of special weapons completely out of left field, take way more hits than the player and continuously use Splashdowns. This is because they're continuously triggering their Rush in the midst of intense combat, and especially under mind control, during which most of what they probably have is survival instinct, which means drastically raised ink production upping both offensive and defensive capabilities. But wait, there's actually even more that supports the theory of the special gauge referring to a buildup to a rush state: - Tenacity as an ability. This ability makes it so that your special gauge will automatically fill itself up if your team has fewer players on the field than the enemy team. This ability makes very little sense in the situation that the special gauge is literally an ink tank, as you're not actually shooting ink at all for it to fill up. However, as an emotional thing, a player that is also an underdog is SURE to be really giving their all in the competition and thus building up their rush faster. - Your special gauge supposedly fills up passively while your team has control of the objective in Ranked (I literally didn't know this because I barely play ranked ever). Again, this has nothing to do with actual inking. But what it DOES have to do with is potentially winning the game, and that totally gets you pumped. - Again, the inconsistencies in a special gauge. If it was an ink tank, you would assume the amount of ink needed for each special weapon was a very specific amount. Instead, players fill their special gauge at different rates, and getting splatted cuts down the gauge... again, depending on your abilities. Losing ink from a pre-filled ink tank that is being specifically saved up for a weapon doesn't really make sense as one gets splatted, but getting demoralized and frustrated when getting splatted makes a whole lot of sense, which would also set you back in reaching your special rush.

In conclusion: The Special Gauge is a hypothetical meter that exists for gameplay purposes; in practice, it only conveys how close or far a player is to their "special rush" state, in which their senses and emotions are heightened and their ink production is greatly increased due to a surge in fighting spirit.

1. When a battle starts, no one has their rush going on because everyone is only just warming up. Different people with different objectives and personalities may get their rush very quickly, very slowly, very frequently or only once. You get the picture.

2. As players find themselves doing intense physical activities, participating in tense combat and so on, they build up towards their rush state (likely building up endorphins, dopamine and adrenaline or the like), which increases the body's ink production. It is likely that contact with ink also naturally increases one's ink production.

3. When players hit this rush state and the "special meter" is filled, they can channel all the excess ink into a special weapon. Once the ink is used up, the rush subsides into a less intense emotional state, until the cycle may start again soon after.

Well, there's my thoughts on specials and mostly the special gauge and what it means. Thanks for reading yet another one of these essays.

#squidthoughts #splatoon #splatoon headcanons #special weapon #specials

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