It's not often, but

I sometimes wish

to go back to my youth; maybe six, when Nana

would collect me from school and make

chip sandwiches.

I miss

asking her about things

that seemed important—

like why do birds nest in trees and

why is the Sun yellow. I'm still not sure about

either, but I am no longer

able to ask.

by me

missing you

I wish I could run

Into the grip of your arms

Once over again

But that night was my last chance

Of ever seeing you

And those wonderful eyes

Ever again

But there’s a star in the sky

On this hopeless night

And I’d like to think it’s you

Watching over me

While my eyes fill with tears

I guess I can still feel your love

In places it wouldn’t normally be

- Grey Augustus

"I'm tired, sam. I'm tired of this job, this life. this weight on my shoulders, man, I'm tired of it." dean said this in 2x09. it's season fucking two, and he is already so incredibly tired. how can you create such a character who, despite everything, still decided to fight? a character who's so full of love and wanted to be good and do good. he wanted to be loved and love in return. how can you create such a character and then just... take everything from him and kill him. taking everything from the man who thought he wouldn't make it to thirty anyway. the man who thought that loving someone meant to be left at some point or another. the man who gave everything to raise his brother and protect him. the man who was so full of love and compassion. the man who people couldn't help but fall in love with, be friends with. how could they be so cruel and end his story the way he always thought it would end. how could they look at this character and not give him a happy ending? an ending to show us that the circle of trauma and abuse can be broken, that you can find love, and that this love can and will stay. that life can get better... I– I will never forgive them for what they did to dean.

I'm missing Tzapo and having a dog really badly today. Working at a dog boarding/day camp facility helps me not miss having my best friend so much because there's dogs everywhere. But on my days off.... The lack of dog is so hard.

My coworker just got a puppy and is posting it all in slack and just. Ugh I miss my boy and I want a dog but I know I can't get one right now and hhhhhhb

i don't think

there is enough time in the world

to spend with you,

to make as many memories

to last me

into my next lifetime

where,

i'll feel an emptiness each day,

reminiscing

on how much

i'd be missing

you

ihatechangeihatechangeihatechangeihatechange I wish my life would stay exactly the same forever and I could live in comfortable monotony without needing to grow or adapt ever

Why do I want to talk to you so badly? …

questions i don’t want answered

did you ever listen to the playlists i made you? does he ever talk about me? do you know - second hand, retroactively - what im like in bed? do you ever muscle memory go to text me? do you know how much it hurt when you didn’t listen to me? did you ever research about my eating disorder? do you know about my relapse? do you see me in your future? did it hurt when you didn’t call me on christmas? did you think of me on your birthday? does your dad still ask about me? do you think we were doomed from the start? do you think you’ve replaced me? do you understand what i said when i called us a sinking ship? do you wish you’d listened? do you wish you’d talked to me when i begged you to? do you have any regrets about the things you said?

do you miss me?

Movies and books also don't tell you that friendships don't just end after one fight or incident, it's like the rusting of a bridge, the slow decay of flesh and bones and secrets. It took weeks, months- until one day I woke up and I realized I hadn't thought of her in a while. And I wrote a poem that day and I titled it 'The dying of a best friend' and I put all my love for her in a tiny box with my half of the matching pendant of a dolphin we had and stored them in a corner of my heart under the heading Grief. Where else can one hide unspent love?

It's been 3 years since I lost my best friend, lost as in I still carry our secrets in a tiny box but we only text each other on our birthdays.

Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

'you may know this person." I do know her. I've loved with her, hugged her, cried with her, fought her, forgave her.

I’m sad

I think I broke your hand, Nana,

squeezing it so hard despite

how fragile you were;

trying to trade my years

for more of yours. What a

selfish bitch I was to want

to keep you here longer than

you were able for, but

every morning I wake up

holding your hand and

sinfully

wish I held harder.

by me

why’d you have to go

All I wanted

Was to feel at home

And you gave me that

With your strong words

And helpful hands

I wish I could see you

Just one more time

Hug you tight so you can’t leave

Just like you did

When I was eighteen

- Grey Augustus

My blog title will be changing here in a bit from, “It’s my cat’s world, I just exist in it” to something else because the cat of mine that it referred to recently passed away. She was my best friend and I miss her so much

Now I try to find you in the stars but the pollution is too thick in this city