to say i miss you doesn't even begin to capture the despair your absence has brought me.
— mae s. (journal entry to the one i still love)
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y’know that Andrew Garfield quote that’s like “what is grief if not love preserving?” I’m needing to hear and remind myself of that right now
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you died and i desperately need to tell you how it feels. i need you to hold me upright while i show you this hole that exists now in my heart and the emptiness that swallows my soul. i need you to hold me while i cry out for you, and scream at god and ask him why. you died and you are the only one who can get me through this.
-Mae S. // letter to everyone i've ever lost.
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“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
― Jamie Anderson
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Every evening I sit at my porch to have tea,
I sit with the people I lost,
And we talk,
Sometimes I cry as they watch me with sad eyes,
Sometimes I laugh and they crack a smile,
Sometimes I curse them for leaving without goodbye,
I sit for tea with the ghosts,
I call it tea with grief.
-Sonali Bind
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sorry to bother you
i didn't mean to make my grief too loud.
my pain is beautiful
only when you don’t have to see it
only when it made me strong
only once its healed
and you don’t have to see
the mess it made me.
sorry for taking up the space
you thought was yours
with all my heavy thoughts
and impenetrable experiences.
my pain is beautiful
only once it's better
only when you don’t
have to look it in the eye.
i am loved
only when I am silent
only when I am the one
shining the light on you.
so sorry
that it got the best of me this time.
so sorry.
so sorry.
truly,
my deepest condolences
for the grief that isn’t yours
but is still somehow
too ugly for you to stomach.
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