think its time to orphan some of my earlier works

Ok like I know this is your third compliment but I'm so glad you're writing for this fandom. All your ideas are so creative and developed that none of it felt so OOC. If you can, what about angst HCs from Kaeya and Diluc. Since theyre so head to head against each other, imagine if they were in love with someone but was with their brother. Now they have to watch Kaeya/Diluc with their s/o while suffering from the sidelines ;w;

Ahh you’re all so lovely 💕 Don’t be shy to just say anything I promise I’m not scary. Your compliments makes me feel more confident ;u; I just finished diluc’s and kaeya’s hc of being jealous so I’m lowkey branching of my last hc point for both of those posts. Took a bit of a different style this time and I might have went a little too deep aha. 

Spoiler’s for Diluc’s and Kaeya’s character stories and past (but you should really read Kaeya’s story) 

---

Diluc and Kaeya: Falling for their brother’s s/o 

You had told him when it was late at night in the tavern. For the better half of a couple months, you’ve been dropping by around late afternoon asking if you could keep him company and help out since he’s been so busy during the day, and Diluc would never say no to that. It was a passing comment you made as you said goodbye to him as you opened the door to head out.  

You wanted to keep your relationship a secret from the public? Felt it was wrong to not tell him since you were dating his brother? Had you not noticed that he was in love with you for months? 

He smiles and bares it, nodding goodbye as you leave, just until that door closes and he’s left alone. He slowly unclenches his fists from under the counter as the weight in his chest gets heavier. He hasn’t felt like this in a long time. The last time was when his father passed away. 

A part of him feels ashamed that he let himself get so close to you even though at the time, he had no idea you were actually in love with his brother. He hadn’t even seen you talk to Kaeya once since knowing you but to be fair, he doesn’t involve himself in Kaeya’s affairs unless it’s to protect Mondstadt. 

But as he reflects in the empty tavern, he doesn’t regret meeting you and becoming close friends. It’s not your fault, you were in love with someone else. He should be happy for you and Kaeya. 

He wants to protect the things that he treasures most. When his father passed away he lost the faith in both the gods and the knights of Favonius. He doesn’t want to push you away and lose what he still has because of his actions or behaviour. 

In the beginning, he becomes bitter to Kaeya. Before he might have humored Kaeya’s antics and random drop ins but now all he feels is rejection and this weight he can’t get rid of that start’s clawing at him whenever he sees his brother. The first time Kaeya made eye contact with him after you had told him about your relationship, he simply had a wry smile stating that he hadn’t seen Diluc’s eyes like that since he defected from being a knight. 

He doesn’t hate Kaeya or think Kaeya stole you away from him. Kaeya protects Mondstadt in the day while he does in the night. That’s how they’ve always been. When he sees you out with Kaeya in the morning he stares longingly before quickly disappearing out of sight. 

When his father passed away, Diluc's took a journey that lasted for three years. He had a lot of time to reflect on his past and the anger he had carried until he acknowledged his shortcomings. Those years away let him leave his childish immaturity and when he returned to Mondstadt, he was ready to take on his father’s will one more time. He’s been through this process once before and he’ll push himself to do it again. 

That doesn’t mean that his feelings for you will immediately leave him but he’ll learn to move on and treasure you as a friend, that you’re still in his life. There might be some days when he’s alone that he might think of the what if’s but he’ll take a deep breath, know that you’re happy, and the weight will settle down and become lighter. 

You were friends with Kaeya before you officially met Diluc. You and Kaeya had bonded over drinks and soon became drinking buddies. At first you had been a bit wary of him since he was the Cavalry Captain and thought you had done something wrong, but he really was just interested in talking since he heard you also disliked grape juice. 

Naturally, that meant that he would drop by the tavern with you and one day, Diluc happened to be there and he thought he might officially introduce you two. Maybe poke some fun at Diluc and his distant personality.  

Overtime Kaeya finds that he looks forward to your outings. Hunters and bandits are often his drinking buddies but he’s there to smooth talk them until they end up telling him everything he wants to know. But you’re not a bandit or some spy, he can let his guard down around you and just have a normal conversation without ulterior motives. It feels...nice and he let’s himself slowly relax until he ends up tripping along the way and finds himself falling. 

That is until he makes an unprompted visit to see Diluc only to find that you’re there too. He takes one look at the scene and turns around. He remembers when they were younger and how people would say they were almost like twins, knowing each other’s thoughts and intentions without having to say a word to each other. 

He think’s its some cruel joke you’re playing or maybe the Gods are cursing him over his methods. As he walks down the streets of Mondstadt, he wants to rationalize that the only reason you were so kind to him was to get closer to Diluc. Or maybe you actually were a spy? He’ll laugh to himself for thinking of such a thing as he replays the same scene in his head over and over. 

Everyone's got a secret, but not everyone knows what to do with it, he had told you this with his usual arrogant smirk one night. You were confused at his implication before he shift’s his gaze to where Diluc is. Diluc quickly turns away when you turn your head in his direction. He watches amused as you sputter about how you do not need his help with setting you up with his brother. 

On the contrary, he actually enjoys putting people into the difficult position of making tough decisions. He won’t lie and say that he hasn’t given you false information just to see you come back embarrassed. In a way, these moments are a way for him to slowly let go of his feelings by helping you get yours across. 

Diluc is direct so he’s not surprised when his brother cut’s right to the point early in the morning and asking what he’s trying to do. As Diluc’s hard stare attempts to drill into him for answer’s he thinks back on that same scene. Diluc had looked calm and in a state of content. Peaceful happiness. It’s the same feeling he has when he’s with you. 

He thinks back to another scene. It was the first and only time Kaeya failed in his duty. By the time Kaeya finally reached Diluc, it was all already over. Their father was dead and killed by his own son. 

Kaeya’s own biological father had abandoned him and it was Diluc’s father and Mondstadt that had welcomed him with open arms when he had nowhere else to go. 

Kaeya just smiles at Diluc and remarks in his typical cryptic manner that there will be a time where he won’t know where to stand. He doesn’t know when that time will come but he’ll think of you and where he would want you to be. So until that day comes, he’ll do everything he can to guarantee your safety. He can tell Diluc wants to say something but he holds back. 

To be the first yet placed second, he thinks when you come running up to him to thank him for all his help. He can see Diluc off to the side silently watching and ready to step in and he thinks of the possibilities of what he could do in that moment. Maybe he could confess that he’s been secretly in love with you before you even met Diluc? 

Instead he holds back and repays the favour from earlier in the day. He congratulates you and invites you out to drink in celebration of your new relationship. 

Home Town Glory- Minishaw

Disclaimer!! I know that Simon is in a very happy relationship with Talia! It’s just for entertainment purposes and to let me practice my writing. This is also posted on my Wattpad!

28 years old and he misses home more than ever. That's why he's walking the streets of Hemel Hempstead at quarter past 11 on a Friday night.

It wasn't his plan when he woke up this morning. But he had fucked up, told Harry he loved him and when Harry just stared at him he fled the flat in record worthy time.

Got back to his own flat with ignoring Harry's missed calls and texts. Grabs a bag and packs a weekends worth of clothes as Jj enters his room confused.

"You alright there Simon?" He asks dumbly as the taller runs to the bathroom to grab his toothbrush. "I-I fucked up, going home for the weekend!" He says, pulls out his phone to call an Uber. He doesn't care if it's expensive, would spend every dime in his bank account if it meant he didn't have to look at the pity his friends would throw him when they found out what he had done.

"Did something happen with Harry? Did you guys break up?" Jj asks shock evident in his voice. Everyone was sure that they were a stable couple. Maybe looks really can be deceiving.

"I need to clear my head for a while Jide, if Harry comes please don't tell him where I am," Simon says before grabbing his bag and leaving Jj standing in bedroom. Heard the door close and the younger doesn't know what to do.

But he listens to what Simon said. When Harry shows up half an hour later with tears in his eyes it takes all of his might to say that he doesn't know where Simon is. Says me might have gone to visit Josh.

It's evil really, Jj decides when Harry leaves his sitting room with a look of determination on his face. He's sending the poor boy on a wild goose chase for what? Jj doesn't even know what happened between the both of them. For all he knows Simon could be in the wrong here. He had said that he fucked up.....

But by the time he comes to the decision that he should ask Harry what happened the brunet is long gone and he curses to himself. Feels even worse when he realizes that Josh will probably send Harry to Tobi's to check, then Tobi will send him to Randys and Randy will send him back to the flat.

Simon calls him 2 hours later. He's sat in his old room and trying not to cry. "So what happened?" Jj never did have the best patience, Simons surprised he's waited this long.

"I overreacted I guess," the blond sighs. "I told Harry that I loved him. He just stared at me for a straight minute. I couldn't deal with it Jide so I ran. I ran as fast and as far away as I could. Sure I only made it about 27 miles away from home but I couldn't deal with the pity when I told you. I just thought, it's been a year and I've loved him for long. But I guess that it was too soon".

Simon explains it all and Jj listens. Doesn't interrupt just let's Simon talk and it feels nice. Once he's finished talking Jj comforts him. Tells him to go for a walk even though it's 8pm and the sun is going to set soon. Also tells him that Harry definitely loves him back. "He was probably shocked Simon. Give him time. Just go relax, hey go to that park you used to drag me to every Sunday!".

And Simon follows his advice. Tells his mum that he's going to pub to see a few of his old friends. He doesn't need her worrying about him anymore than she already is. So he heads out. Goes for a walk around the town.

Meanwhile Jj sighs when he hears the door knock again. Knows that it's either Josh about to give out to him for sending Harry round his when he knew exactly where the blond was because Tobi had already called him and gave out to him. Or it's Harry back, probably just as deflated as he was this morning.

Opens the door and he's not shocked to see Harry stood in front of him. Bit more shocked that Ethan is stood with him. Arm wrapped around the youngers shoulder. He's smiling sadly and Harry's a puddle of tears.

Jj opens the door wider and rushes both of them in. They all sit down on the couch and Harry won't let go of Ethan's arm as he re-tells the story of his day.

"I-I was shocked Jide, I didn't expect him to say it. I called him back, must've called his name 20 times but it was too late. He was gone. Cal wouldn't let me go until I had told him that happened. I never got the chance to tell him that I love him too. I got to yours as fast as I could. Then you told me to go to Josh and he wasn't there.

Freya convinced me to have a cup of tea and some breakfast. I didn't want to tell them why I was there but you know what Freya's like. They gave me some comforting words and then Josh said that he might be at Tobi's. So I went to Tobi's but he wasn't there. I stayed for a while, talked to Tobi to calm down.

Our last resort was that he was at Randys. But he wasn't. Randy made me eat again, told me that he'd probably of gone back to the flat by now. But that I should maybe leave him until tomorrow. I agreed and was heading home but I couldn't face it. The thought that I'd lost Simon forever. Like our relationship had started and ended in my flat.

Ethan was the closest person to me at that stage. Told the taxi driver to turn around...," he trails off tears falling faster and harder. Ethan throws a comforting arm around him and finishes the story for the younger.

"I tried to calm him down but it was no use. That's when I realized that maybe big man knowledge, strength, Integrity would know where Simon is by now!" Ethan says his eyes cold and narrow when he says Integrity and Jj knows that he's in for it.

He loves Simon he really does, he's his best friend but Harry's sat in their living room crying an actual river and Ethan's glaring at him as much as to say "Tell him the truth or else".

"He's away home for the weekend. I'm sorry Harry, I promised him I wouldn't tell you," but Harry isn't even mad. He lets go of Ethan for the first time since he entered the flat and hugs Jj as tightly as he can.

"Jide please, we have to go. I'll do anything, I'll, I'll-"

Jj stops him, the least he can do is drive the three of them to Hertfordshire as an apology to Harry. Even though it's 10pm and he has a meeting at 8am tomorrow. The things he does for his friends.

So here Simon is. Quarter past 11 on a Friday night. He had actually popped into the local pub. Met a few of his old friends and downed 2 pints. Laughed and laughed and laughed as they re-told childhood stories. Listens as they catch him up on everything he had missed the past 8 years not living at home.

Sure his mum had kept him up to date and he had come home every so often but he'd never found the time to catch up with old friends. Looks around the room and wonders if he had never left what would life be like?

Would he be sat here with the same group of friends every Friday night making memories to last a lifetime. Would Jide be KSI or would he be sat here right next to him. Would he of met a nice girl from the town and be married already. Would he of made memories?

Thinks and remembers that he's made memories to last a lifetime. He's met people, he's met his friends, he's met Harry. The love of his life and suddenly it's all too much. The walls of the pub are closing in on him. He thanks them for the laughs and memories but he's gotta go. Promises them that he'll come home again, with Jj this time and they'll make even more memories.

He looks back and smiles seeing them all doubled over in laughter over something one of them had said. He wants to say that he escaped but there was never really anything to escape. Everyone that stayed is happy. They're all content with their lives. And so is he. He took a different route that's all.

Left the pub and heads off in the direction of the park Jj had mentioned. He had wanted to leave it for last. Let's his mind wander as he wanders around the streets.

Passes by a group of teenagers shrieking in laughter, empty bottle of vodka in their hands and he has to smile. Because that used to be him, running through the same streets when he was younger. Drunk, young and free.

He's so engrossed that he almost walks into a woman. She asks if he's lost because she's never seen him around here. He shakes his head, tells her that he's not lost, just wandering around home. She leaves him be and he keeps going.

Arrives at the park and heads straight to the field. Lies down and watches the stars. Let's the day wash over him and he can't help but smile as he remembers the first time he ever went star gazing was with Harry.

Jj knocks on the door. Simons mum opens the door and she's so happy to see Jj. Welcomes him inside but Jj asks if Simons around. She can hear the desperation in his voice and tells him that he went down to the pub to met a few of the lads.

So the 3 of them leave. They enter and nobody bats and eyelid at them. Jj instantly spots the group of people that Simon should be with, it's just, he's nowhere to be seen. Swears under his breath as he approaches the table.

Taps one of the boys on the shoulder and he turns grinning. "When we told Simon to hurry back with you we didn't mean this soon!" The man laughs and stands up to hug Jj.

He laughs weakly "it's really nice to see you James, but do you have any idea where Simon is?". The man now known as James to Harry and Ethan shakes his head. Explains how he left 20 minutes ago, adds that he looked like he had been doing a lot of thinking. Jj thanks him and they leave,

"So we're back to square 1?" Ethan asks as Harry lets a sob rip from his mouth. "This is all my fault, I shouldn't of been such a prick today," he cries as Ethan hugs him.

"It's ok Bog, let's just head back to his, he'll be home-," Jj starts but then stops. He has a shit eating grin on his face. "I know where he is!".

They all pile into Jj's car once again and 5 minutes later they're pulling up to a park. "Simon used to drag me here every Sunday, I told him to visit here when I was talking to him earlier as a joke," Jj explains as they exit the car and head to the field.

And that's where they spot him. Lying in the grass eyes closed and mouth turned upwards in a smile. Harry walks closer as Ethan and Jj hang back.

"Si?" Harry asks shyly and the body shoots up. Looks around and all air leaves his body because Harry is inching closer to him with a nervous smile on his face. Simon can't take it, not whilst he's at home, in his safe place.

"Harry, please not-," but Harry cuts him off. "Simon please, just listen to me I beg. You don't understand what I've done to get here!". So Simon stays quiet.

"Si I was shocked when you told me that you loved me. Ever since I met you I was convinced that I'd never be enough for you. I was just a 17 year old kid with insecurities that would've drowned me when I first met you. But you, as cringy as it sounds you taught me how to love myself. I was finally in the shallow end when I moved in with Cal and Cal and I started drinking a lot, when the drugs started.

But you were there. Every single time I relapsed you where there. On bad nights that I was tempted you made me watch a shitty movie with you. And even though I hate movies I watched them with you. You supported me when I came out. And then you kissed me when we where in Vegas for Jides fight. A week later we had our first date in London and you weren't embarrassed of me. You held my hand as we walked home and you asked me to be your boyfriend and I said yes. Because I loved you. You kept me afloat, Simon I have loved you since I was 18, too young to know what love is as mum always said. But I loved you. And I still do.

And I'm sorry that I left you standing there waiting for an answer today. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that you loved me, you love me just as much as I love you! And I would've been able to tell you all of this this morning but Cal held me back and then Jide sent me on a goose chase like a whole twat.

So I'm sorry Si, I love you. A lot more than the moon and stars combined,". And Simons stood staring at him, tears falling down his face. Because holy fucking shit. Harry loved him as much as he loved Harry. Didn't even think as he tackled him into a hug. Kissed him deeply and had every unspoken word added to it.

And Harry seemed to just know because when they pulled away he hugged him tighter. They turn to their 2 cheering friends before Simon leans down to kiss him again.

Because he had Harry. Harry was his, the love of his life. "I even love you enough for the first time I tell you to be in Hertfordshire," Harry giggles and Simon grins at him. "Hometown glory I guess,". And then Simon kisses him again

I feel so conflicted about Timmy. I loved the sweet, humble guy he was, but now he acts like the biggest diva, going to fashion shows, only hanging out with famous people. I miss the old Timmy, what I see now I don't like. And I don't like that he left earlier and didn't care about Armie, but can stop rehearsing to show his face at fashion weeks. I feel at the beginning it was only about his talent, now it's more about his fashion choices. I don't want to hate, I just feel different about him.

Me @ everyone who will read this answer : Please be kind?

Seriously, just be kind. That’s not a question, just be kind.

More important, unless you’re Nonny and looking for an answer of mine you really don’t have to read all of that. It’s mostly an observation on how Timmy’s career and image is handled right now and nothing groundbreaking at all. There a little bit about his relationship with Armie towards the end. Honestly even you, Nonny, you weren’t probably asking for an answer this long. I just love to hear myself thought, apparently. Sorry if it’s boring as hell for you 😅

I choose to believe that this ask isn’t coming from a wickedness place and doesn’t want to be mean. That’s the main reason why I’m answering this ask, instead of deleting it.

The second reason is because I’ve been contemplating the same kind of questions and the same kind of issues about Timmy for a while now. And since I’m now mostly at peace with all of it, and with the way I see him, I thought it could be interesting to share around that.

By sharing my view on how things are at this moment, I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, dear Nonny (or anyone who feels the same way). Like I said, I understand where they come from. I only hope that, by reading a different point of view, you’ll managed to feel a little bit less conflicted and maybe go back to enjoy some Timmy content like you used to. I hope I won’t sound to harsh or anything. This isn’t my intention at all.

I think the most important thing to remember is that 99% of what we see of Timmy is work. The work of an actor is not only acting. Especially when you have the ambition to become and to stay the kind of actor Timmy wants to be. Every time you see him at a public event, he’s working. Networking is working. Existing in the media eyes is working. Attending as fashion shows is working. That doesn’t mean that, in the case of fashion show for example, Haider isn’t also his friend. Of course they’re friends and of course he’s also showing support for his friend’s work. But it’s also a work relationship. That’s why it needs to be public. Haider is the one dressing him for the premieres of his movies. Haider is one of those who helped build his fashion reputation. Being seen together and publicly supporting each other work, it’s good for both of them, professionally speaking. What I mean is, when you see Tim at a fashion show or at a Hollywood party, it’s not free time for him. It’s a scheduled event on his work schedule. So when you said that he stops rehearsing to go to fashion show, that’s not entirely true. Firstly because it’s on week-end. Secondly, it would be like saying that he stops acting to do promo. Both things are work. Attending to Haider’s fashion show is also work.

Beside the London-Paris journey is hardly an effort. It would take me almost the same amont of time to go to Paris using public transports and I’m living like really close to Paris. And beside bis Timmy has seen SWM within the window of two days that was allowed by his work schedule so it’s not like he has never managed to make things work for Armie either.

For me, the problem is that Timmy has three jobs at the moment. He’s ‘one of the best actor of his generation’, the ‘most influential man in fashion’ and ‘a heartthrob for teenagers and young adults’. I’m phrasing things this way on purpose, because it shows how much weighs on him at the moment. All of this means a lot of expectations on him, a lot of judgements but also a lot of money depending on him. Even if all of his current statuts has been happening in a more or less natural way (he’s one of the best actor of his generation because he’s good at acting, his interest for fashion seems genuine and… well… He’s damn cute so of course he’s a teenage dream), my main concern is the fact that, right now, his public image is handled to encourage these three status at the same time. As long as his acting career is doing fine, it’s not a problem. If his acting career starts to be on the skids, or if one of his parts on a movie is suddenly having very bad reviews, the whole world will start to look at him and at his fashion/heartthrob statuts with different eyes.

But that moment hasn’t happened yet so I think it’s unfair to call him out on that now. He has shown nothing but hard work on the acting part of his career, and he has great things aligned for the next year. He’s a lead on the Dune remake by Denis Villeneuve, he’s starring on a Wes Anderson movie, he has that Bob Dylan thing who he seems really committed to and he’s about to do a run of a promising play. I think his choice on going back to theater, where everything is about acting, is really relevant of how focused is still he’s on acting.

I think it’s also interesting to notice the timing. For the past two years, Timmy has always been disappearing around that time of the year. So much that the Timmy drought has become a thing in the fandom. In the past, Timmy has expressed his need of disappearing and ‘going back in the mud’, both literally and figuratively, after being exposed to public eyes at this extend and for a long period of time. Truth is, I believe that Timmy is not allowed to disappear anymore. I don’t think you’re allowed to disappear for a while when Legendary Pictures is betting a lot amount of money on your pretty face. Because to disappear means media and social media will talk less about you and, in this industry, if people stop talking about you it basically means you’re dead.

So he can’t disappear. But somehow he found a way to focus on acting through theater, even if he has to do it in front of the public eyes. To be honest, I think it’s the least bad solution. I think the need to disappear for him (or anyone for that matter) for a decent period of time is really crucial for mental health and he hasn’t had this opportunity for a while, and I’m afraid he won’t have it either for the near future. Don’t get me wrong, I love that he’s doing theater again. I love having the opportunity to see him live perform I just wish he has a little bit more time to stay off the radar before going back for a whole year of craziness.

I understand that it can be frustrating to feel like most of the talks about him are about something else than his roles or his movies or his acting skills. Like I said, it’s part because of his/his team’s fault because they’ve been feeding the talk so it can keep going and going. It’s also part because the world works this way and is superficial as hell. Movie talks last a few months with the pre-promo/the premieres/the actually promo. A little bit more if you’re lucky enough to get nominations and awards. Then it becomes old news. Timmy’s persona exists every day. He’s doing and wearing new things every day and people are always more excited by what’s new. And the media will keep on using anything to have him as click-bait. It’s a win-win situation for both sides.

Except you never know when people are going to switch. One day they keep on waiting more and more of someone and the next day, they already grew tired of thi person. It’s been too much. They over did it. I sometimes use a tag that say something like « when can we say that too much is too much? » to react to what people and media sometimes do/write/say about Timmy to express this kind of feeling. Of course Tim and his team can’t control everything that is being said about him but I believe that the decisions they made in the past year? year and an half? have lead to this kind of craziness. This makes me think of that french paper, which was basically saying ‘why don’t we stop to consider Timmy as a kitten and make a fuss of everything he did and why don’t we start focusing on how he acts, because that is the real interesting thing to talk about.

Despite everything I can’t hold all of this too-much-ness against him when he’s still working so hard on his roles. I can’t blame him when I think of him giving so much on himself in that before-the-battle speech in The King that I want to go fight with and for him. I can’t blame him when I see him giving so much of himself for Laurie that he’s making me laugh and melt in the middle of a cinema room full of people when I’m usually pretty stoic in public. I just can’t blame him when I hear him talk about Dune and being so excited that he literally can’t stop himself for bouncing on his chair. I just can’t.

What I can do is not not pay attention to everything. I know it’s not an easy thing to do on tumblr and on social media when he’s everywhere and people are retweeting and reblogging the same things over and over again but if I’m not interested, I try to not pay attention. Back during CMBYN and BB era, I think I was looking at and reading everything. I’ve stopped shortly after. I didn’t read the article you’re referring to, for example. Because what’s Timmy is wearing interests me but not the shallow and irrelevant articles people will write about it. Most of them will say the same thing, that it’s Timothée Chalamet world now and us peasants are just humbly living on it. It’s going to be said over and over again until something newer, younger comes along. It’s ok. Being a teenage heartthrob will pass. Being the most influential man in fashion will probably also pass. I mean his fashion choices will probably keep on arousing interest but the world is going to catch up. Eventually.

But acting will stay.

And if in the meantime, he manages to enjoy a little bit of more superficial things and take a shot or two of confidence along the way without regretting too many decisions he made, I say why not let him do that? It’s not like we have a word to say anyway.

I understand what you mean about missing him being sweet and humble even if I disagree with you. I’m not saying that he’s not sweet and humble anymore but I felt something shift between the BB era and TK era. It’s also frustrating because it’s more a feeling than something I can prove or explain. I just don’t think he’s changed, I think he’s a little bit more guarded than before. And if I look at things from an human perspective, it makes sense?

The more people are watching me, irl or online, the more I’m going to be cautious about things I said and how I behave. The more guarded I’ll be. And in my case, we’re only talking about dozens from a few hundreds tops of people tops. Can you imagine living your life in front of millions people? I’d put some distance and some defenses between me and the world as well. He has to if he wants to survive.  

We’ve been lucky to have witnessed something as precious and rare as what we have witnessed during the CMBYN and a little bit during the BB era. It was something beautiful but it wasn’t meant to last. Not in the same kind of proportions anyway.

So I don’t think Timmy is acting like the biggest diva. Like I’ve said, what we see of his life is 99% work-related and we see about 10% of his time? Less of that?

Like for example, he’s been in London for what? 10-12 days now? And if I’m not mistaking, we haven’t seen him anywhere except from fans meeting him briefly outside of the theater and him picking up food? Whatever he’s doing, if he has a wild life or if he’s in bed at 9pm every night, he’s being discreet about it. Like he’s always been discreet about his private life, his close friends and his family. Just because he’s discreet about it doesn’t mean he doesn’t see them — old friends and people who aren’t famous. He just doesn’t feel the need to post their face on social media or meeting them in front of paparazzis.

Of course if I wanted to see him as a diva, I could. I’d look at him wearing sunglasses inside and declare that he’s a diva. When there could be thousands of reasons for him to wear sunglasses inside. I wouldn’t surprise me to learn that flashes during fashion week are painful for the eyes, especially for people with color eyes as light as Timmy’s. Especially if you’re tired. Or hangover. Or maybe he’s just thinking of sunglasses as an integral part of his outfit. Like shoes or socks or jewelry or backpacks. Or maybe he just feel safer that way and it helps his anxiety. I tried wearing sunglasses all day long at a couple of occasions when I was particularly tired and it was kind of amazing. Plus it allows you to avoid eye contact with humans which is also amazing.

I wanted to touch a little bit on the fashion topic before moving on to the Armie one. I’m guessing you’re not really passionate or fond of fashion. It’s ok. You’re allowed to and fashion and haute couture don’t do much to help themselves. Or didn’t do much. I guess things are slowly changing like everywhere else. But there are a lot of ego, of superficiality, a lot of changes and improvements that could be made. A friend who has worked for designers and still work in the fashion industry once told me that the industry wouldn’t be that bad if designers stop acting like they were saving the world with their clothes. My point is, just because something has a reputation, doesn’t mean every person who takes part of this thing has the same reputation. There are people in fashion who are truly passionate about what they’re doing and teach you things about fashion that make you look at clothes as wearable pieces of art. Because when you look closely at haute couture, you can see that fashion can take its influences in architecture, sculpture, painting and in many many others artistic disciplines. It has its own history, its own revolutions, its own movements. It tells something about our time and ourselves as a society. All of that goes without even mentioning the close relationship between fashion, high fashion and movies, which I’m sure is very interesting from a Timmy perspective. (I swear I wrote all of that before reading the Dazed itw. Like pinky swear).

At this point, Timmy could have a seat in the first row for every fashion show of every brand. He could attend to all of them, with a different outfit for each, make a show every time and take all the clothes that designers would sell their cat to see him wearing. He doesn’t. He shows up for about two designers and communicate about one more and that’s all. It’s work. Something related to his red carpet premieres. It’s fun and something he uses to express himself and his personality. I think he said something in the Dazed interview among these lines. That fashion is fun but is main focus in on acting.

Here :

“With the development of my career, I also slowly entered the fashion industry. I can feel that fashion and movies are similar to a certain extent. For me, participating in a movie or wearing a suit is about the people I work with, not the brand or money. That's why I keep working with Haider and Virgil. I also maintain good relationships with many brands, but I will not be overly tied to fashion for this. Because my career is an actor, my dream is to be an actor, and I am very satisfied and very happy to be an actor.”

Regarding of Armie… Honestly I’m kind of tired of the debate. Because I’m tired of what the debate says about how we see relationships these days, without even talking about Armie and Timmy.

I’m still trying to understand at which point we has started to need public proofs of private relationships. Likes, Facebook statuts, pictures shared publicly, couple selfies… I mean what the point? How have we become so insecure about relationships and ourselves that we’re now feeling the need to share proofs of private relationships with the whole world to believe it? And to the point that we are now projecting our own insecurities on relationships of others? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

If I wasn’t talking with/seeing my close ones for a whole year or a whole decade for whatever reason, they would still be my close ones. I believe the same thing about Armie and Timmy. Except these two idiots seems to be talking to each other all the time and seeing each other pretty regularly. But because Armie isn’t about work anymore, we don’t have to see it.

Over the past four years, they’ve done nothing but showing and saying how much they care about each other and know about each other and how much they’re still close. Timmy literally said I love you to Armie in a damn public speech. Name me another person for whom he said that. The three words, plane and simple.

If you’re willing to believe that liking each other post on social media or showing up at a public events or pose in front of photographers are better proofs of closeness that what they’ve been doing so far, that says something about how you see relationships, not about how they really are.

Loving someone is not always about rubbing it off publicly for everyone to see. More often than not, loving someone is about answering your phone in the middle of the night, because the person you love and care about can’t sleep or is on another time zone and needs you. That something you can show off on social media or get papped. And maybe we need to start to believe that it’s even more valuable exactly because of that.

Don't you know that you're toxic?

I was in a toxic relationship...

In fact I have been in a few... But the last one is the one I can still remember in some detail...

The first few, well they were immature drunk and disorderly scenarios. They are not important in this story, other than you should be aware I was pretty repetitive towards my approach to relationships back then.

The story I would like tell is about the 7 year old relationship that ended in March 2019.

This particular relationship had the biggest effect on me, my well being, and my happiness. And even though I married an amazing woman earlier this year, that last relationship is still a reminder of the baggage I have held onto since my first relationship.

It's time I unloaded that baggage and shed my skin.... Even if it's just a little bit... You know, small steps...

So, lets call my ex “Grumpy”...

In fact that's a name an American girlfriend of a drummer of a band we were watching called her once in Germany, literally minutes after meeting her. I should have seen that red flag even back then...

Look, Grumpy isn't a bad person, deep down I think she means well... But she just hasn't been able to get past her past... She wont let go of any stubborn insecurities, learn new coping mechanisms, and she wont forgive herself, or you for that matter... At least that's what I've experienced with her.

It's like whenever things don't go her way, whenever she's frustrated or doesn't know how to cope, she'd revert back to a 14 year old girl, which is when she had troubles with her Mum.

I mean honestly, who didn't have troubled teenage years??

I'm not saying she doesn't have a right to feel pain about some significant event or trauma, but she surely can't hold it over my head and expect me to hang around, forever...

During our relationship, I explained to her, that when I went into therapy (which at the beginning she thankfully helped me do) I had no idea what to expect. But I knew I couldn't continue the way I was and expect a happy outcome.

It took a long time, but I processed many of the issues and events of my past, which in turn helped my current situation and had a positive effect on my future. I learned new ways on how to cope with current problems, insecurities and learn to take responsibility for my actions and choices in life...

I forgave my Dad for not being a good father. I understand, he just didn't know better and chose not to learn how later in life... It's no excuse but I find some comfort in knowing I wasn't the problem. These days, I can be comfortable in his presence, no longer hoping for the Dad I've always needed, but enjoy his company for what it is...

I forgave my sister for her misgivings. She's a tough cookie, and very jealous of me. I think she's very jealous of my relationship with Mum, but my sister hasn't taken responsibility for her actions, and therefore it will be a long road before I can trust her, but I'm totally OK with that. She has her problems, and they are not mine to take responsibility for, anymore.

My grandparents on both sides were hard work over the years. I thought it was my fault too! But really it was their lack of empathy and understanding that created an atmosphere of negativity. They had every opportunity to be a good example to an impressionable young me. Luckily I learned to forgive them, even if I didn't actually say that to them while they were still alive. I forgave them and myself for contributing to the escalation, rather than finding resolution.

Grumpy knew I did this (and more) in therapy, and refused to consider it.

Now in all fairness, I originally refused to entertain the idea of counseling too, as I had a negative experience in my younger days (just like Grumpy), but when I reached my first breakdown around 2014 in a foreign country, I knew I needed help and I asked...

You know, I know she's still hurting over her past...

How can I tell?

Because it's been 18 months since I broke up with her, and she continues to create drama, instead of “adulting” and talking to me about it.

She's had every opportunity to deal with these post break up problems we all have had to go through like an adult (you know, splitting up the household belongings etc), without fail each time she has deflected, ignored, created more drama, lied or done something else that shows me, she has not recognized her part in our story.

Let's face it, it takes 2 to tango...

I've come to realize she treated me the way she did during our relationship, because she took me for granted. She thought I'd never have the courage or strength to actually leave her. I sure proved her wrong, didn't I!!!

We started our relationship drunk, and continued like that for 2 or so years. Grumpy and I could drink a lot, and did... We both were a bit rounder then too! We were never fully honest with each other or ourselves. I would say, we probably should have just been a short term fling, because we both weren't ready for long term, but we dived in anyhow...

That journey got me here, and that's totally fine. I have no regrets...

In case you didn't know, I wasn't a very strong person back then. I had little self esteem, and little self worth. So it was easy for both of us to “beat on” each other verbally and not resolve any issues. That's easy to do when someone just can't listen without demeaning you, without taking your feelings and smashing them against the wall... I was always ALWAYS in trouble. She was too sometimes back then... We both were in trouble...

As time went on with my therapy I processed a lot of things, and became ready for long term... I also knew I wanted to move back home, down under, eventually. That would be a hard decision, with or without Grumpy. I just couldn't imagine piling on more stress on top of stress with that relationship. I came to realize there was no future there unless something changed. We had to listen to each other, we had to trust each other, we had to respect each other.

I know I am not perfect, but surely if I can forgive her for things, she could step my way a little... Couldn't she? Didn't she have the power to learn to forgive? I mean really forgive someone and love them for all their faults? Didn't she have the power to grow? Unfortunately she didn't... I knew she didn't process anything because she was bringing up stuff from 2 or 3 or 6 years ago...

When I sobered up and seriously got into therapy, I had no idea what road it would take me down... But after talking about all my family issues, social anxiety issues and depression, the last thing was Grumpy. It took almost 5 years to get to the point where I acknowledged I was unhappy, I realized I didn't trust her and I couldn't see a future with her...

I just couldn't talk to her anymore. We just didn't trust each other anymore... That's the point...

The day we broke up, I had written her a letter, and I read her this letter. I read out a letter I had spent weeks writing making sure my adult words were being used (because without the letter I knew I'd revert to something less mature and less communicative). I clearly stated after trying many times, trying for years to correct our problems, I had come to realize we couldn't go forward. I decided we would break up to save each other from unnecessary pain. I couldn't see any steps going in the right direction in our relationship anymore...

I loved her, but it just wasn't working out, and didn't show any signs of improving.

Her first words were “I knew it” with tears rolling down her face...

I didn't want to do it, but I made a choice... Based on the past, for the present, to better my future.

Honestly I don't know if she wanted to recognize any of those times I tried to talk to her. She didn't want to see the signs. When she got frustrated and yelled at me, and I sat quietly listened and did my best not to raise my voice back. When I tried to talk sense to her she'd react like I was talking crazy.

Maybe she was scared? After all, change is a scary thing.

I changed a lot in those years since I started therapy and stopped drinking, always hoping Grumpy would come my way a little... For several years I was a huge contributing factor to our fights, but as time went on and I learned and grew, I started to de-escalate those fights. (Which generally made things worse!).

Apparently she didn't get the memo...

And she continues to blame me for that mistrust, because that's the way it goes when you don't take responsibility for your actions... It's always someone else's fault... The world owes me...

Even though she's been in a committed relationship since the beginning of 2020, she still hasn't let go of any anger, hurt, or resentment towards me. Her actions clearly show she hasn't processed our relationship, start, middle, or end, and would prefer to block me or stop all communication with me, before dealing with herself. She'd prefer to tell everyone else how bad I was, what I owed her, what I did to her, than think about her actions and how they affected our relationship.

It's like history repeating itself... And I am finding freedom in the fact I am no longer a character in her story.

I'm quite sure she'll keep the narrative within her circle of friends to make her look good, and me bad. But I like my narrative more (who wouldn't?), I feel we both were a mess... We were having a negative affect on each other. How or why, isn't as important as learning that communication, trust, forgiveness and respect are the things that were missing...

In fact, I think she dislikes anyone who has shown personal growth... It scares her... I think she's comfortable in her denial... She blames her Mum or her grandma... She blames me... Not once had I ever heard in all her years of coming home from work, “Oh it was me...”, “I did something wrong...” or “I messed up, I better say sorry...”

So how could I stay with someone who didn't take any responsibility?? How can I love someone who doesn't say “sorry”?

I was heart broken during the time leading up to reading Grumpy that letter...

I went back and forth in my head, could I see a future??? But in the end I couldn't... The one thing I realize, that is so important in my relationships, is good ol' communication. We lost that, when we lost the trust... It all turned toxic... Manipulative.... Twisted...

I wish her all the happiness the world throws at her.

We all deserve happiness... But Grumpy, sometimes you gotta work at it...

I could spend my time blaming her for so much of it but in the end, it was down to me. I am the one master of my fate... Just as she is... Then and now...

Thanks for reading,

Josh

The Art of Being an Eldar: Legolas x Reader Prologue

Summary: You're a fantasy-loving, LARPing human from this world, who's the black sheep of society because of your obsession for the unreal and alienation of what's real. When you're in the middle of a LARP battle with some pretty phony boars, you fall out of a tree and bust your head. You wake up, alone, and are suddenly attacked by some very pissed-off, very real wargs. Without any idea of how you got there, you got dropped into Middle-Earth, with only bits and pieces of memories of Tolkien's masterpiece, though your recollection of everything else is perfectly clear. And of all places in Middle-Earth, you got dropped into Mirkwood, with some suspicious, potentially hostile, Woodland Elves...

Chapter No.: Prologue

Key: [Y/N]=Your Name [F/N]= Friend's Name [B/N]= Bro's Name [S/N]= Sis's Name [M/N]= Mom's Name [e/c]= eye color [h/c]= hair color [s/c]= skin color

Notes: So, this is my first fanfiction on tumblr, and I'd thought I'd try it since I have very little time for DeviantArt's chaos. It's much different from my Legolas x Reader on there. I added a small loving family to make the emotions relatable-- even if you don't have siblings, or have more than what I added, it's just fanfiction! Also, I tried to make my pronouns for said reader gender-nuetral so that everybody can enjoy it! The reason your character is so wild is for the sake of not fitting in to this world, yet you're used to it, so that later points in the plot can become more... Well, you'll see. And yes, I made Elves pansexual because I don't think they'd care much about gender or age at that point. LARPing plays a big role in the prologue, because your character is really into it for personal reasons. If this isn't your cup of tea, don't drink it. I hope you like it! Feedback, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Warnings: Fluff, angst, graphic depictions of gore and violence (Cuz of orc battles y'know?), more angst, slow burn, some light depression in the first few chapters, some amnesia about Middle-Earth because the Valar say you're not supposed to have foresight, hard-core language, feels, lots and lots of feels, mentions of NSFW content, maybe some eventual NSFW content, LGTBQ+ characters, Thranduil being a jackass at first because he's fabulous, Legolas being a hot edgy prince that nobody can handle, Kili being an innocent bean, Hobbits being smol innocent beans, except for Bilbo 'cause he's been through some tough shit, Bard being dad of the year, Thorin being one dumbass boi, awesome dragons, awesome Nazgul, awesome scenery, awesome stuff in general, Elrond isn't listened to by anybody, confused Aragorn is confused,  Denethor's a bitch as always, brace yourself for creepy as fuck Cream of Wormtongue Grima Wormtongue, Boromir lives, Gandalf. (yes these are all legit warnings don't judge me.)

Pairings/Ships: Legolas x Reader, Legolas x you, Aragorn x Arwen, Faramir x Eowyn, Thranduil x Elvenqueen, Galadriel x Celery Celeborn, Boromir x OC, Thorin x OC, Fili x OC, etc. general LoTR standard shippings plus some of my own cuz I can't stand my boys being lonely

Word Count: I try to keep my chapters short, under 2000 words.

Rating: Teen (14+) for now

You'd never been considered normal by anyone. You enjoyed LARP instead of reality. Your "job" was just staying at home and captioning videos all day every day you weren't LARPing instead of interacting with society at a normal job. Your home? A tiny studio apartment that only cost $450 a month without bills, and you did without cell phone, car, and electric for the sake of being your weird self. You hadn't been to college yet, despite the fact that everyone told you to go once your gap year was over, and it almost was. What would you even study? Acting was all that got you close to who you were, so, ok, guess that's fine, but nobody else thought of that as a career. Maybe you could write fiction-- you were good at that much.

You weren't always like this. There was a time when you were just a normal kid, living a normal life. But somewhere around ten, you started to change, and by sixteen you'd become who you were today. If the Old You could see the New You, you weren't sure if they'd think you were weird too, or if they'd stare up at you in awe.

Hopefully it was the latter, which made you feel good.

I mean, come on, were you born in the wrong timeframe or what?! That's what you thought, anyway. There's no way that this world was for you. The fact that nearly all people were heartless jackasses that enjoyed destroying the planet, the fact that everybody had to be the same or were considered freaks, prejudice and injustice were key factors of life and the rich got handed everything on a silver platter while the poor had to scavenge... Just, everything of this reality made you hate it. If only you'd been born five hundred years earlier, or, y'know, in Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings...

You'd really liked to have been born in Middle-Earth. You had so many books about it, you knew practically everything there was to know, even the confusing shit about Faramir being in the Fall of Gondolin. You'd practically memorized Elvish, and dwarvish, and you knew the whole six movies by heart, every line. And of course, like most Lord of the Rings fans, you had a massive crush on a certain Elvish princeling who was too pretty for his own good. In fact, Legolas was who inspired you to learn archery; maybe one day you'd be as good as he was.

Despite your wishes, you were stuck in reality, however much you hated it

. Even amongst your LARP groups, you were considered outlandish.

Everybody else had normal lives outside of their games, whereas you pretended this was your life. You didn't have any job aside from the small caption jobs you did when you weren't LARPing, no social life, nothing. The only people you had was your mother, brother, sister, and your only friend, [F/N]. They accepted you and your strange fantasies, even if they thought you'd one day regret acting in a way when you could've been beginning a normal life and being productive.

So excuse you if you decided to invite them to a LARP event and let them borrow some of your costumes. It wasn't the end of the world. But your LARP group apparently didn't get that memo.

"You invited your mom?!" A royal asshole sneered, yet you took satisfaction in the fact that his knight costume looked like it was made of cardboard painted silver, whereas your sci-fi Elf getup was actual leather and cloth. His name was Jacob Brent; you'd never really liked him. He'd always had it out for you because your costumes were so much more fabulous than his. Plus you may or may not have actually known swordplay and archery and dagger throwing and martial arts... Kinda. You were still in the process of learning kickboxing.

You cocked a sky blue-- yes, sky blue-- eyebrow to your equally bright blue hairline, spiked up in a short faux hawk. This was your first sci-fi Elf, and you'd wanted to go all out. A cocky grin split its way across your face. "Yeah, so? It doesn't effect you on any level, Tin Can."

He sniggered with his cronies. "I can't believe you don't have anyone else to come with you." He mimicked rubbing his eyes like he was four. "'Oh Mommy, I need somebody to come with me!'" His whole group burst into laughter.

You surprised them by joining in, actually appluading. "Oh, wow! Wonderful, just wonderful! Hey, should I tell Mindy that I seen you feeling up Roxie behind your fort last week?" He paled, and almost everybody in his group of crappy cosplay got 'o' faces. You put your hands on your hips. "Guess what, asshole, just 'cause I'm close with my family and you're not with yours doesn't make it a crime to hang out with them. It's my life, my decision, and I enjoy spending time with them." You hefted up a disappointingly fake spear, turning to walk away. "Oh, and by the way, your paint's chippin' off."

Reason for Hating Reality Number 6, 965: Immaturity levels are almost incomprehensibly high.

Your mom glared daggers at Jacob's Immaturity Harem. She'd always been a tough gal, always sticking up for you when you got bullied when you were younger, but now that you were an adult, she had to let you kick ass yourself; you were pretty good at it. "I don't like him." She stated casually, and you chuckled.

"'Course you don't. He looks like a cheesy robot costume you'd get from Wal-Mart with a too-big crotch protector that's not impressing anyone but himself, and he has the face of a roasting pig. Too tanned, too grubby, and always with something in his mouth."

She smiled slightly. "Has he always been giving you trouble?"

You swung your gear pack off of your shoulder, letting it yank itself down to earth. "Since the day he tried kissing my ass 'cause he didn't know me." [F/N] must've overheard that last sentence, because he burst into laughter when he approached with your brother, [B/N], and your sister, [S/N]. "You talking about Jacob?"

"Sure as hell."

You'd first met [F/N] a year ago, when you'd joined extra-curricular activites for your last year of high school. He thought your personality was incredibly brave, especially in this modern world, but even still... He was just a friend, not a best friend. You'd never had that luxury outside of your tiny family. You just didn't trust him after the life you'd had.

Unfortunately, it seems they didn't like the getups. "Do I have to wear this?" [B/N] asked dramatically, slumping over. He didn't look right in the pauldrons and leather breastplate.

"It's too heavy!" [S/N] complained.

You sighed theatrically. "My piteous children, deal with thy armor, for it must be worn despite thou complaints."

[B/N] pressed his palms together and bowed down. "Screweth thou, false companion."

You mimicked his bow. "Off to hell with thee."

"Hey! You guys! It's starting!" [F/N] cried, and ran off, his pack of weapons and magic bags trembling dangerously on his back. The rest of you followed more slowly, as you explained to your family how exactly LARPing worked. Battles weren't actually bloody, magic was just colored powder, you get points for a hit, and so on and so forth. [B/N] and [S/N] got it immediately, but your poor mom, who hadn't even ever played Skyrim, had no idea how the point system and leveling up worked. You had to explain it six times over before you'd reached the massive gathering of LARPing cosplayers. [F/N] returned to you as you reached it, carrying a map. "We were in Larsgyushter Prairie last, right?"

"Duh," You shrugged, at the same time [S/N] asked with a grimace, "Luckyestire Prairie?"

[F/N] inclined his head. "Well, I made some arrangements because your family joined us. We made for Glewnburg, where we picked up their characters, and then headed into the Elder Woods."

You took the map. "Sounds fair enough."

[S/N] frowned. "What exactly were you guys doing last time?"

[F/N] blushed; he must've liked her, which made you feel proud and like pummeling him all at once. "A quest to defeat a horde of wildebors in order to get a good amount of gold."

"How much?"

"Four hundred."

Your mom seemed confused. "Is that a lot?"

"For the land of Sisgremor," You retorted, "Not much. But it's enough for us. We hunt for food, and sleep in the woods. It's summertime, so we don't have much need for shelter unless it storms, and we know where to find caves. The coin is for some new bits of armor, and some weapon upgrades and a couple of magic books for [F/N]."

"Oh," Your mom said, and you took the lead, getting into your Elven character with a huge grin on your face.

"Come, my children! We must meet the bors by midday!" You ran off, but you didn't miss the looks over half of the LARP community gave you.

~le time skip~

The one thing you didn't like about LARPing was the enemies. They weren't believable and were crappily dressed, at least in your community. They were crappy actors and their dying acts were unrealistic. Unless they were orcs that had good makeup skills and good cosplay, they weren't worth fighting, but you had an imagination to kick them up a notch.

As always, the wildebors were just some guys in black outfits decorated with needles, and wearing pig masks with an underbite bearing tusks. Your imagination knocked them to eight-feet long beasts with bloodstained tusks, wild red eyes, and porcupine-like needles that shot out of their near-impenetrable hides if provoked.

You'd only fought these beasts once. They had three separate healthbars, each a different strength: eight hundred, four hundred, and one hundred. Your spear-- the only weapon you could afford after your bow snapped (Poor prop craftsmanship.), had a damage rate of ten health per hit, thirty if you could make a three-combo move (The highest combo move allowed.).  [F/N]'s magic bombs, bolts of energy, and other magic stuff only varied from ten to fifty health damage per hit, except for his Fyrering, which was a once-a-day power that was ninety health damage, plus a three minute window of burning which took ten damage every thirty seconds.

The boars were also viscious; one hit from them took around fifty health, and at level nine, you and [F/N]'s health bars were only at two hundred and fifty, plus your armor rating of fifty and his of twenty. Your family, however, were only at level one, with a one hundred strength health bar each and armor ratings varying between ten and fifteen.

In short: that meant a hell of a lot of hits, very little openings, and there were always numbers to consider. There were six of them, and five of you. If you had your bow, this would be easy. You'd climb a tree, avoid their needles, and fire your twenty-five damage arrows relentlessly (With the thirty plus bonus from your actual bow.) while [F/N] pelted them with magic. You could take down two, maybe three that way before retreating, waiting for your strength to regenerate and your undamaged arrows to "respawn" before coming back for more battling (The arrows don't actually exist, for safety reasons. You had to wait for ten minutes before an approximated number of arrows, determined previously by the quest-giver, "reappeared" in your "inventory.").

But you had to think of a new plan. A brand new plan. You had three level one novices, two level nine intermediates, and six angry-as-hell wildebors that were level twenty. This was an impossible quest. You should never have accepted it knowing your family was coming.

You were hiding behind a huge oak, and glanced around it; for a split moment, you saw the crappy actors, but your mind quickly fixed that. Above and to your immediate right, [F/N] hid behind a mound of boulders up on a hill, and you'd positioned your family similarly. You just couldn't see them. [F/N]'s hand waving caught your attention. Frantically, he pointed above you. You whipped your head up, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. You gave him a look like WTF dude, and he rolled his eyes. He picked up a rock as an example and pointed back up into the branches, but still, you didn't see anything. He gestured again, almost forcefully, and this time, you seen it: brightnuts, a specialized kind of walnut bred specifically to explode into a bright white light on impact, with dangerous shrapnel and poisonous fumes that had one hundred and fifty health damage.

Of course, in reality, they were just blue and white beanbags hanging in nets rigged all over the branches, but you pretended they weren't.

But still, perfect.

You'd start calling out orders as soon as you started throwing them. [F/N] knew how to improvise to a plan already, but your family didn't. You propped your spear up on the tree, and started climbing, wincing when the bark scraped your palms; you were wearing what'd used to be white bridal gloves, but you'd tinkered with them to match your costume, sewing sky blue patterns into the gloves.

You personally didn't make a sound, but a couple of leaf-covered branches fell; luckily, wildebors were mostly deaf and blind, so you should make it to the top of the tree without any consequences.

You flashed [F/N] a triumphant smile when you reached the topmost branches, snatching a bag of brightnuts and holding them high above your head. He shot you a double thumbs-up, then made a wheel-like gesture to get you to move on. You stuck your tongue out at him, then readjusted yourself on the branch to get a good aim.

A few seconds of struggling against the knot, and you'd gotten the net open. With barely a minute of hesitation, you drew your arm back, and fired. Your aim was almost perfect. You hit one of the wildebors in the side, and you seen the actor as he started the most over-acted reaction you'd seen yet: a violent jump, then what sounded like a deranged "Guuuugh!" You rolled your eyes. So dramatic.

Either way, [F/N] whooped behind you. "Hit! A hit!"

Before you could give any orders whatsoever, [B/N] charged down the hill with his realistic-looking wooden battleaxe bellowing a war cry. You slumped over. "Aw, shit."

In the blink of an eye, [B/N] was officially dead but still pummeling the poor actors, your mom didn't know what to do, [F/N] didn't realize what was happening from behind his rock, and [S/N] was dodging air like a boss. You waited on the branch until the coach of the actors stood, took off his mask, and blew his whistle.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! You with the axe! You died already! Come on everybody, regroup, come on..." Your mom and [S/N] were laughing it off with a couple of the actors, but [B/N] was having a heated argument with the rest of them, and they were starting to shove each other around; he'd always been a sore loser. The coach separated them, and [F/N] called to you from below. "Guess we failed this quest, huh?"

You shrugged. "It's all good. There are other, less dangerous quests."

He perked up. "Yeah, so hurry up and get down here! We've gotta get back to Glewnburg!"

You tossed the beanbag you'd had in your hand back into the net. "Comin'." Unfortunately for you, you were a bit of a show-off. You stood, stretching your arms out for balance, walking quickly and carefully across the bough. A loud snap that echoed through the forest silenced everyone: your sudden movements had weakened the branch down the middle, where a split was slowly cracking open.

"Oh shit." Did I have to choose the top branch?

Everything seemed to be in slow motion as you fell. Your ribs exploded with pain as you slammed into a slightly lower branch full-force. Your ankle snapped. Your arms were whipped and bruised. Your head cracked painfully across the thick, unmoveable base of one branch, and white and yellow dots burst in your vision. Your sight started to fade, as did the pain, until you met the ground with a dull thud.

I should've went to college.

~time skip~

When you woke up, the first thing you realized was, Hey, I woke up! I'm alive! which was immediately followed by, Holy fucking shit what the fucking hell did I break, then a much more painful thought of Why the fuck am I still in the goddamn forest? 

And you were. You were laying on your side, in a couple of very small but still immensely terrifying pools of drying blood, one of which came from the corner of your mouth. Your entire body throbbed painfully. Every breath you took caused sharp, white-hot pains to spiderweb across your entire torso. Your ankle was burning up, and you couldn't move it or your left arm. Your head felt like you'd been hit by a truck. A truck made of solid wood...

Why were you still in the forest? You knew your mother well enough to know that she've panicked. She'd've screamed your name and ran to you and called 911 immediately. [F/N] would've done the same. In fact, there was no reason why they wouldn't have called for a medic. You fell from the equivalent of a three-story building with poles sticking out of it.

By all accounts, you should be near death.

So why were you still in the forest, exactly where you'd fell?

With immense effort, you rolled onto your back, panting heavily and wincing against the pain. Your vision swam, and things were blurry. The trees were different; the tree where you'd fallen from was tall and branchless for most of the way up, and definitely not an oak. To boot, there weren't any nets full of beanbags, and your spear was gone. Behind you was  a cliff with an outcropping of rock that looked similar-- but not the same-- to the one [F/N] had been behind. There were roots and underbrush and bushes and walls of thorny branches surrounding you, and in between the ground was filled of orange and gold fallen leaves; up in the canopy, which hadn't been as thick before, the leaves were all dressed for Fall. You stared at it in confusion. "What the hell?" Shit. Even that hurt.

Where were you? Why weren't you in an ambulance with the sirens blaring? You were pretty positive you'd broken quite a few bones, and from that fall, you couldn't not have internal bleeding. So where were you?

You waited, but no one came. When the sky started to darken and the pain began to worsen, you were forced to move, slowly getting up, inch by inch, until you'd managed to be in a sitting position. It felt like all the blood rushed from your head and torso, making you cold in the evening chill. You hugged your right arm to your chest, really wishing you'd've worn arm cuffs or something; your short, high-collared, sleeveless, sky-blue leather jacket over a thin white crop top and a black corset-style belt really weren't meant for chilly weather.

"Hello?" You called out. Your voice carried on, but you got no return call. Blood trickled down your chin from where your lips had rebusted; you were lucky you hadn't bit your tongue off or shattered teeth. "Hey! Help!" Still, nothing. "Hey!"

After a twenty-minute bout of screaming for help, you gave up. You were confused-- so, so, confused. Where were you and why were you here? Where was your family? Where was [F/N]? Where was the coach, and those shitty actors? Hell, where was the rest of the LARP group? You'd even be relieved if Jacob appeared out of nowhere.

The moon had risen by the time you’d made it to your feet. Your ankle wasn't as bad as it was earlier; you could put some weight on it now, even if it wasn't a lot. You must've only sprained it. You tried calling for help a few more times, but only the crickets replied.

Then, they went silent.

You frowned. In books and movies, that was usually a bad sign. What'd caused them to shut up so abruptly? Not aliens, you hoped, like in Signs.

A low growl from behind you-- behind you, dammit-- made your skin crawl. A chill ran down your spine. You turned, slowly, hoping you wouldn't aggravate the wolf or coywolf or whatever it was; it wasn't either of those.

It stood on top of the small cliff, and it was at least the size of a horse. A boar-like coat, dull brown, covered its entire body, spotted in places. Its head was broad and massive, bearing an underbite of fangs and small beady eyes. Drool fell from its jaws as it snarled at you. You were half tempted to try the "Nice doggie" before you seen the rider.

Damn, it was ugly as hell. Small, malformed, with dark green skin and a crooked nose. Greasy, thin hair hung from its wrinkled scalp. Nasty claws protruded from its wart-covered fingers and dug into the horn of some kind of saddle. It sneered with an evil grin, and a mouthful of sharp teeth.

You didn't know what else to do; you took off running at full speed, ignoring the pains shooting up your leg from your sprained ankle. Branches and weeds whipped your skin, trailing blood. You glanced back once. The monster-- which you knew was an orc-- and the giant dog that you couldn't place the name of watched you for a couple of moments more before the orc gave a sharp order in a language you didn't understand, but it felt familiar. Two more of the giant dogs burst from the bushes on either side of the first, and they did give chase. Shit, were they what'd happened to your family? Some whackjob dressed as an orc riding a pitbull on steroids mauled everybody?!

You pushed yourself to run faster. Your heart pounded in your ears. Adrenaline rushed through your veins. Each step jarred your aching body, but you couldn't stop. The dogs were enjoying the chase, keeping their strides slow enough to still be on your heels, but not close enough to get you yet. A new sound-- a river, maybe-- gave you hope, and you tried to move even faster, your lungs burning from the strain.

It was a river you'd heard, but it was down a steep hill filled of arching roots and thorny bushes. You didn't have time to stop; you barreled forward, tripped, and rolled the rest of the way, hurting your body even further. By the time you reached the pebbly shore (With all of the sharp edges of the rocks jabbing into you unnecessarily.), the dogs were halfway down, the orcs riding them laughing like hyenas.

You couldn't swim, but you'd rather take your chances with the river than with the giant pitbulls. You waded in, and were immediately swept off your feet by the strong current. It dragged you under, and you were bashed into some boulders, getting cut up badly. One slammed into your hip, nearly causing you to suck in. Another rammed into your already-broken ribs, and this time, you did scream, getting a huge gulp of water. A crimson cloud engulfed you as something long and sharp burst through your calf. You were pushed up against another boulder, and you grabbed on, hauling yourself out of the water and hanging on for dear life, hacking and coughing out the water that'd filled your lungs.

The dogs had chased you up the shoreline, and the orcs carried shortbows with arrows of dark wood. A glance down and, sure as fuck, they'd hit you with one in the calf, dammit. You looked ahead of you: rapids, a slow and drawn-out death. Ahead of you, probably a very painful death, but hopefully it'd go faster than drowning while being battered to a lifeless corpse.

I should've gone to college.

You squeezed your eyes shut tight and braced yourself for the next arrow, but you were pretty much forced to open them again when you heard the sound of dogs yelping and orcs wailing. One of the dogs was dead, neck slashed open and pouring blood onto the rocks. It had landed on its rider, who struggled beneath its weight. The other dog had taken off, but its rider had an arrow jutting out of its face.

A troop of warriors, clad in forest-colored tunics of dark browns, greens, and grays had appeared in the second you'd closed your eyes. Every one of them had long, straight hair, braided away from their faces. Most had a quiver of arrows and a longbow, but some, like the one who'd killed the dog, had a curved longsword. Others still had long knives. Compared to the dark orcs, these people seemed to almost be made of light...

Oh shit.

Elves. These were Elves.You could see it clearly now, in the way they carried themselves: regal, majestic, every move perfectly balanced and smooth. Their ears were pointed, but not drastically like the ones from Zelda, and they were taller than most average men. You were in awe.

These were some damn good actors.

No, they couldn't be actors. That clicked, finally. Especially when you were able to see the one that'd killed the dog slice off the struggling orc's head cleanly and deftly before kicking it into the river. Thankfully, it didn't come near you.

Shit. These were real orcs, real giant bloodthirsty dogs, real Elves... This was all real. But how...?

You heard the sound of a bowstring being pulled taut, much closer to you. You couldn't exactly whip around in your current state, but you still moved as fast as you could. Another Elf, standing on the flat rocks halfway across the river, no less than thirty feet away. How the hell did he get there?!

After the initial shock passed, you realized there was an arrow nocked in the bow. You'd already felt one once in the last ten minutes, you didn't need to feel it again, so you stayed still. He watched you with eyes so blue you could see them from where you were. He was illuminated from the side by the moon, giving him an almost ethereal appearance. His hair was somewhere between platinum and very light blonde, and a quiver of orange-feathered arrows hung over two identical sheaths for ivory-handled long knives. His bow was almost as gorgeous as he was: dark wood engraved with golden leaf designs. His tunic was dark green, and you admired his fancy Elven belts and buckles and bracers for a second before your eyes were drawn back to his face, the profile of which was almost... Dished, in a way, like an Arabian horse's. Your eyes locked, and you felt as if you'd seen him somewhere before...

An Elf on the shoreline spoke, breaking the trance. You couldn't understand what exactly he said; you could've swore you knew some Elvish...

The Elf staring you down watched you for a minute longer, then jerked his bow toward you in gesture, shouting an order to one of his comrades. His voice sounded so familiar... It was on the tip of your brain... It was deep and soft and gentle and commanding all at once. You couldn't explain it. Two Elves followed his order, nimbly leaping from tiny rock to tiny rock to get to where he was, then past him, coming to you. Their weapons were sheathed, so you hoped they were going to help you instead of kicking you into the water or something.

Carefully, noticing how banged up you were, they grabbed you underneath of the arms and lifted you onto the flat rocks the blue-eyed Elf stood on, still ready to fire, and stepped back as you coughed up some water in a delayed reaction to nearly drowning.

When you finished, your eyes felt like they wanted to close on their own. You felt too tired, too weak, too pained... Despite that, you sat up, shivering in the chilly evening air. "Th-thank you..." With a start, you realized they might not even understand English.

"Who are you?" The blue-eyed Elf demanded. "Answer me quickly; do not think we cannot throw you back to the river."

Shit. Pressure. Suddenly you forgot your name for a split second. "I-I'm [Y/N]."

"What are you doing in these lands?"

"I was chased," You looked pointedly at the dog and orc.

The Elf watched you for a minute, judging you... He signaled. "Throw them back into the river." Suddenly, you were being dragged.

Aw, fuck. You struggled against the Elf's strong grips. "W-wait! I don't even know where I am! The last thing I knew I was playing a game with my family and I fell out of a tree! All of a sudden I'm being chased by giant dogs and being manhandled by a couple of Elvish pri--!" You were cut off by a bought of coughing that wracked your body so hard that you doubled in on yourself, pulling the Elves down with you. Your eyes widened when blood trickled out of your mouth, leaving crimson droplets on the rocks. Shit.

The blue-eyed Elf ordered something in their tongue, and the two dragging you halted on a dime. He finally decided to lower his bow a little, inspecting you. "Are there more of you?"

You shook your head; you were getting dizzy, and your vision was blacking out. "I-I don't know... I was alone when I woke up."

The Elves conversed in their own language for a few minutes, and the blue-eyed Elf finally came to the conclusion that you weren't much of a threat in your current state. He looked to the Elves on the shoreline, and gestured at one of the ones holding you, who then scooped you up bridal style, but like you were the ugliest bride he'd ever seen. "Und win'doheim!" Shouted the blue-eyed Elf, obviously the one in charge, and lead the progression back to the forest.

I should never have gotten out of bed today...

Despite the crazy situation, you managed to doze off a few times on the Elf that carried you, until a coughing fit or pain would wake you up. A fever spiked up as you crossed a bridge, and you were half out of it as you entered some kind of woody building surrounded by trees and rivers that you couldn't comprehend very well in your feverish state. You were panting and wheezing, and couldn't see straight. It all seemed so surreal, like you were viewing this from somebody else's perspective. This had to be a dream... A very vivid, very painful dream...

The last thing you remembered was Elvish chanting, golden and white lights surrounding you, and the silhouettes of the Elves. Your pain faded, and you fell into a forced sleep.

When you woke up, a breath of relief whooshed out of your lungs. It was a dream! It was all a dream! It was night, and your nighlight had gone out, but your hall light was still on. You turned over to see what time it was, but your nightstand was gone. So was your window, and shelves and desk and computer and all of your things. Your bed was different. Your relief dissipated to terror.

Fuck. It wasn't a dream.

You were in a small room. An orange-hued light came through the low doorway, and the dark walls were ridged, as if carved from the earth itself. You felt the remains of your injuries from earlier-- or days ago, you couldn't tell how much time had passed-- as throbbing remains. Your clothes were still ripped and bloodstained, and as you stood up, it felt like you were just coming off of the flu.

Wobbly, you staggered over to the doorway, hoping to find somebody that definitely wasn't an orc or Elf.

You slammed face-first into elaborately crafted iron bars.

Outside of them, fully-armored Elves patrolled on small ledges beside the spiraling rows upon rows of cells like yours. This was a dungeon.

...Well shit.

Tag List: @tesserphantom​ @thedragonghostofmordor​ @taurlel @hauntedsiriel

Skip To My Lou, My Darling - Chapter 5, Bloody Demons I

Disclaimer: I posted this story a few days ago, hating it, and regretting it the minute it was up. I re-wrote it, and hope you’ll like it.

The road so far…

Waitress. School teacher. Bartender. Hunter. Lulu has come a long way since she first met the Winchesters, including the father, John. Having left behind the occult for a life of peace, she was ripped out of it, when – once again – the Winchesters came in to her life. Realizing she is in the life now – for good – she also made a decision for herself. To live that life without the only man she has ever truly cared for. Both to keep him and his brother safe from leviathans, angels and demons; but also, because she doesn’t trust that her feelings for Dean are true – and not part of some higher plan set up by celestial powers.

Our story continues in season 8

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added) @edonaspanca​ @wonderlandfandomkingdom​

I 

You’d be surprised how much info you can get in a library. This statement might seem ridiculous, because – of course – a library holds all the knowledge in the world. But there’s more than what you can find in books. There’s peoplewatching.

If you look at what people check out, you’ll learn a lot about them. That middle aged woman checking out a book on auto repairs – her car broke down, and he husband usually takes care of those kinds of things; but now he’s left her for a younger woman. The teenage boy with the masses of comic books in his arms – odds are there is at least one My Little Pony comic among them, that he’s too embarrassed to buy at a store; so he goes to the library to get it, hiding it among comics about big breasted women and superheroes. The woman sitting alone at a table with a massive paper cup of black coffee; surrounded by books on local history and papers and notes on the occult – if you came into the library on that specific day; that was me. And I was hunting a ghost.

I’d spent more than a year salting and burning my way across the states; avoiding any real fights, and sticking to the easier and more obvious cases, where all I needed was to open a grave, and take care of the bones. Managing to convince my ex, Pete – who was still reeling from the traumatic temporary memory loss he’d suffered, after being kidnapped by leviathans – to send my belongings to my friends in San Francisco; I was now free to disappear for good. No strings attached; save for the occasional call to Raul – letting him know I was alive, and still serving beer in Alaska. In reality, I was in Hartford, near Sioux Falls, South Dakota; having just picked up a box of old papers stood in the basement of a good acquaintance.

“How was your visit with the good sheriff?”, a female voice asked me. I jumped in my seat; having been deeply invested in a piece of paper scribbled over with rantings of what seemed like a madman – who’s every tenth word was balls. “Jesus Christ, Tamara”, I hissed. “You scared the crap out of me!”. My friend sat down across from me, and took the paper from my hand. “Bobby Singer… I still can’t believe what happened to him”, Tamara said sadly.

I rested my elbow on the table, and took a sip from my coffee. “When did you last see him?”, I asked. Tamara’s face was ghosted with sadness, before she met my eyes. “Years ago. Back when Isaac…”. She didn’t finish the sentence. “You never told me what happened to him”, I said. “I mean, you don’t have to…”. She smiled slightly. “It’s all right”, she said. “Demons. We were working on taking out a whole group of them, when… he didn’t make it”. She sighed. “Bobby was there; along with some younger lads… Sam and Dean Winchester. Heard of them?”.

It had been a long time since I’d heard those names. Even Jody didn’t mention them to me, when I checked in with her – as she’d insisted I do weekly, after that one time I called her from the ER, telling her about a tulpa in Minnesota; that I needed her to have the brothers check out. I’d had no idea what to do with it; and had ended up with a nasty gash down my ribs. She’d told me she hadn’t been in touch with them for months, and didn’t know how to reach them at the moment. I’d thanked her, but when she heard the sadness in my voice, she’d insisted on picking me up, and I’d spent a few days on her couch; eating lasagna and watching daytime tv. I’d been too afraid to decline, when she used her mom-voice on me.

I swallowed hard. “You worked with them?”, I muttered. “Only that once”, Tamara said. “Why, you know them?”. The corner of my lip twitched. “I saw that!”, Tamara gasped. “What?”, I croaked. “Which one…?”, she whispered. “Sam… he’s got that tall broody thing going”. She smirked at me as I looked away. “Oh… Dean… Sure you didn’t catch anything?”. “Tammy!”, I hissed. “Don’t you Tammy me!”, she retorted. “That car… is it to compensate; or does he not need that…?”. I met her eyes, and gave her a crooked smile. She grinned widely at me. I shook my head. “I have work to do”, I muttered.

Forcing myself to ignore the memory of Dean and his car – and Dean in his car; with me on his lap – I returned to the 1950 death of a young woman, who had ever since been seen, once a year, walking over a bridge near a lover’s lane. Tamara sighed. “I need to get to Kansas”. “That vampire nest?”, I asked, taking another large sip of my coffee. She nodded. “You sure you don’t want to join me? Girls trip?”, she asked. “You have all the help you need up there; and I never took down a vamp before. I’d just get in the way”, I answered. “But thank you for the ride here”, I added.

She stood up. “You, my friend, need a car!”. “Yeah… Digging up old graves and reading weird books doesn’t exactly pay well”, I muttered. The last car I’d had, had broken down three months earlier. She looked at me with worried eyes. “You can’t keep hitch-hiking across the country, love”, she said. “Bloody dangerous, that is”. “I’ll be fine. Really”, I smiled. I stood up, and hugged my friend goodbye; and promised to call if anything came up, she needed to help out with.

I took a bus back to my motel, and settled in for the night; with a beer and some day-old pizza. My burner-phone buzzed; and recognizing the number, I picked up. “Hey, Jody”, I said. “Did I forget something at your place?”. “Hey, sweetie. Uhm…”. “What? Jody…”, I demanded. “I just had a visit from a weird guy in a flasher-coat… he was looking for you”, she said. Castiel, I thought to myself – my heart leaping from my chest. “What did he… Did he hurt you?”, I asked; by instinct reaching for the angel sword. “No… But he wanted to know where you were”. She sighed. “Look, I don’t mind being your switchboard receptionist; god knows, things around here can get downright dull. But this guy…”. I chewed my lip. “I’m sorry, Jody… Did you tell him where I was?”, I asked. She scoffed. “You won’t even tell me yourself. How could I?”.

I sighed; unsure whether it was in relief, or something else. “You know, I’m aware you’re close by… I could just check all motels in a 40-mile radius for check-ins by classic rock superstars…”, Jody said, a smile in her voice. “Going full cop on me?”, I grinned. “I don’t use those anymore… too obvious”. “Burlesque names then?”, she said. “You caught me…”, I replied. As it was, I was checked in as Justinia Timberlake; going with boybands – for reasons I didn’t want to admit to myself. “Thanks, ma’…”. “Well, that makes me feel old… Anyway, he said he’d be back later tonight. Needed to find you. Do you want to be found by him?”.

I took a deep breath, pondering the question. No, I didn’t want to be found by the person who’d let leviathans loose on the world; causing me to be almost eaten by one 18 months ago. Yes, I wanted to see my friend; to know he was ok. He hadn’t hurt Jody to get to me, so maybe he was good Cass again. I sighed. “When he comes, tell him… Tell him I’ll be in the shower at the Motel 6 in Hartford. Room 13”. I’d know when he arrived if I could trust him. “That sounds… Ok, I’ll tell him. Be careful, Lulu”. “I will. Bye, Jody”. I hung up; and began preparations.

---

Bobby’s journal had helped me out quite a bit in the last year, helping me keep under the radar by pointing out which motels were off the beaten path; and which monsters to stay clear of. Even after it seemed the leviathans had disappeared, I still kept well away from anyone and everything that might put me in contact with angels and demons – and the Winchesters for that matter.

Another thing it had taught me was the sigil I was currently writing on the wall; while still wincing in pain from the gash in my palm I’d cut to draw blood. All my belongings were in my backpack – which I was wearing – and my sword was in my hand. I was ready to repel a crazy angel; and to skip town quickly. I took a deep breath, and readied myself.

After what seemed like forever – just standing next to a bloody scribbling on a wall – I felt a gush of wind; and Castiel stood in front of me. He was covering his eyes with one hand, and holding out a towel with the other. The sight brought joyous tears to my eyes.

“Cass…”, I breathed. The angel carefully parted the fingers over his eyes – and satisfied that I was indeed dressed – he dropped the towel, and smiled at me. “Lulu. It is good to see you”. I dropped my sword, and leapt over to embrace my friend. Castiel reacted as he’d always done when I showed him affection; by tensing up, and gently patting my head. He smelled like old librarian mixed with fresh air, and – for some reason – musk and gunpowder. He’d been with them.

I let go of him, and stepped back. “What happened? Are you ok?”, I asked. The angel smiled amiably. “Yes. I am… myself again”, he said. “I have to apologize for our last meeting. I was… different”. I gave him a crooked smile. “I wish I could say it was water under the bridge, but you did kind of bad-touch me”, I said. “Not sexually, I mean… but still”. Cass chuckled. It was a strange – almost human – reaction. “Yes, I carved words into your bones. It is also why I haven’t been able to find you”.

I took off my backpack, and got out the small first aid kit I had in it. Castiel frowned. “I’m sorry, but I can’t heal you. I need to save my strength”. I shrugged. “It’s fine. I’ve been taking care of my own wounds for over a year”. “Yes, that is what others have told us…”. My breath hitched, and I tried to seem indifferent. “Us?”, I croaked; and began running a bandage around my hand. “Yes”, Cass nodded. “Me, Sam… and Dean. We’ve been looking for you for a few weeks. We need… your book. Bobby Singer’s book”. Just the book. Of course, it was just that. “We are working on… something”. I let out a scoffing laugh. “Well call me not surprised”, I said.

Cass stepped towards me. “So… you’ll give me the book?”. I narrowed my eyes at him. “No”. “No?”, Cass retorted with a confused look at me. “That’s right”, I smiled. “It’s mine”. “But… we need it”.

I took a deep breath; and made a decision. “Where the book goes, I go… So, I’ll go with you”. Castiel’s eyes lit up. “You will? That’s… good. I think”, he smiled. “I can take you right away”. He stepped towards me. “Wait, stop!”, I said. Cass halted. “Where?”. “Lawrence, Kansas. It’s a safe place, don’t worry”, the angel smiled.

I looked down at my feet. I was wearing my boots; that was good. I packed up my backpack, and put it on my back. I picked up the box of Bobby’s old papers; but Cass took them from me, so I wouldn’t have to carry them. “Ok… let’s go”, I croaked.

Castiel lifted an arm, and walked towards me; putting his hand on my shoulder.

---

We were standing by a large mound with what looked like an old factory building seemingly growing out of it. My legs felt like jelly, and Cass grabbed my arm to steady me. “We’re here”, he said. “Where’s here?”, I asked breathily. “I’ll show you”, Cass smiled. We walked up a small road, and passed a black car I recognized from my past – and my dreams and nightmares. Cass led me to a metal door sprouting from the mound. “It’s inside”, he muttered, and opened the screeching door for me.

I stepped inside and was met by a dark spiral staircase leading downwards. Castiel walked ahead of me; which I was thankful for, as I didn’t trust my own legs, and would rather be caught by him, than fall and break my neck. Suddenly a warm light hit me, and I stepped out on a balcony overlooking a large room outfitted with a large table made out as a map. The scent of library hit me, and I understood why Castiel had smelled the way he did when I hugged him. The large room was warm and inviting; but also looked very official, with it’s filing cabinets, and papers on the table.

Castiel walked ahead of me down another flight of stairs, and put the box of papers on the mapped table. “I’m back!”, he called out. “About time!”, a voice that sent shivers down my spine growled. “Please tell us you got something. At least dinner”. “I’m afraid I didn’t have the time to get food for you”, Cass said, and walked towards a large archway leading to another room further inside the bunker – as I decided this place was. “Dude, I gave you 20 bucks for burgers!”.

I considered turning around and leaving. I screamed at myself internally to just haul ass up the stairs, and never come back. But I couldn’t.

Castiel stood in the archway, and looked up at me. “I brought the journal… And a guest”. “You shouldn’t bring people here”, I heard Sam’s voice. My heart pounded, as I heard footsteps across hardwood floor; and then my 6’4 friend stood in the archway with the angel; looking the direction he was. His jaw instantly dropped, and his eyes sparkled.

“I want my 20 bucks back, dude”, Dean said as he joined the other two. “I could eat a…”. He looked up. “Lou…”. Castiel frowned. “You can’t eat…”. “Shut up”, Dean croaked, stepping down the few stairs into the large concrete floored room.

I took a gasping breath; having to remind myself to breathe at all. “Hi…”, I rasped. Dean seemed unsure what to say. “Hey…?”. I began descending the stairs into the room; taking care to hit every step just so, so I wouldn’t trip. Before I hit the last step; Dean took four long strides towards me – and threw his arms around me – holding me tight against him. I put my arms around his neck, and he lifted me down the last steps. Musk, gunpowder, whiskey – Dean. My warm, constantly five o’clock shadowed, strong; yet so fragile, Dean.

I had to tear myself from him; taking short breaths, and trying desperately not to inhale him even further. It was agony. His eyes where as deep and soulful as ever, and the corner of his lip lifted; giving him an expression I couldn’t define as whether being relief, joy or pain – or maybe all three at once.

“Lulu?”, Sam croaked from behind me. I turned around, and threw myself into his arms, earning a spin in the air, as he lifted me. “Hi, Sammy”, I breathed. He squeezed me tightly. “Air!”, I gasped. “Sorry”, Sam chuckled, and put me down; before stroking my cheek.

All four of us stood for a moment, before Castiel cleared his throat. “Well, Lulu is here now. She has the book”, he said. “We can get on with our work”. “Just give us a moment here, Cass”, Sam said. “How are you, Lulu? We’ve been looking for you”. ”You shouldn’t have”, I muttered. “I know, you made that pretty clear last time we heard from you. But…”, Sam began. “We need Bobby’s book”, Dean said; having stepped up next to me. Right, the book.

I raised a brow at him. “My book. And you can’t have it”, I said. Dean frowned. “But… we need it”, he said. “So do I”, I retorted. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Why does it feel like we’ve had this conversation before?”. “Because we did, agent Osbourne”, I chuckled. “Right”, he smiled.

Sam – who apparently just needed a bucket of popcorn for the entertainment he was getting from our conversation – stifled a smile. “Lulu, we’re working on something pretty big here”, he said. “What?”, I asked. “Saving humanity”, Dean said. “Again?”, I sighed. Sam let out a soft laugh. “Wouldn’t be us if it wasn’t, right?”.

I walked up the stairs into the other room, which walls were covered in filing cabinets and books. “What is this place?”, I asked, in awe. Sam followed me into the room. “This is The Men of Letter’s bunker”. “Who are they?”. “Us… now”, Dean shrugged. “We’re kind of like a secret society”. His smugness was tangent of embarrassing. “Look, we’ll fill you in on whatever you want…”, Sam began. Dean cleared his throat, and suddenly looked at his brother with hard eyes.

I rolled my eyes. “This again…”, I muttered. Dean frowned. “What?”. “We need to keep you safe. Keep your head low. Stay here. Go there”, I imitated his growling. “I don’t sound like that!”, Dean growled; proving my impersonation had been right on. He frowned at me, looking cute as a button doing so. I sent him a pouting smile. “Whatever. We need the book”. “And I told you. You can’t have it. I need it”. “For what?”, he grunted. “For jobs”, I replied.

Dean pursed his lips, and blew out a deep breath; clearly trying to control himself. “So you have been… doing jobs…”. “Of course I have”, I said. “What else am I supposed to do? Officially, I think I’m probably dead. There aren’t a lot of teaching gigs out there for dead chicks, who hit the road with fugitives”. He stepped over to me, and grabbed my hand. “And what’s this?”, he asked, pointing at the bandage on it. “A precaution”, I said. “Against me”, Castiel said. “Lulu was right to be careful. Last time she saw me…”. He looked down in remembrance; clearly still ashamed of his former actions.

Dean unwrapped my hand. “Sam, this needs stitches”, he grunted. I tore my hand from his grasp. “I’m fine”, I muttered. “You’re not fine, Lulu. You’re bleeding. Just let us fix you up”. I shook my head in surrender. “There’s a needle and some floss in my bag”, I said, and took of my backpack. “We have actual medical supplies now”, Sam smiled, and disappeared through a door.

Castiel slipped away as well, leaving me and Dean alone in the large room. I sat down at one of the large tables. Dean sat on the edge of the table. “So, hunting?”, he muttered. “How’s that treating you?”. “Well enough”, I said. He clenched his jaw. “Huh… How do you take down a werewolf?”, he asked. “Silver bullet”, I said. “Vampire?”, he continued, raising a brow at me. “Decapitation or fire”. “Shojo?”.

I let out a frustrated breath. “I have no idea, Dean. Never met one”, I said. “Never met a werewolf or a vampire either”. “Good, you’re not ready for any of that”, he said. “You shouldn’t even be here right now”. “It’s not safe”, I imitated him again. “Stop”, he grunted. “You have no idea how to be a hunter. Or what you’re getting yourself mixed up in by coming back here with Cass”. I clenched my jaw. “You’re right on one of those two accounts”, I said. “No, I don’t know what you’re working on, and it’s probably much to dangerous for me. But yes – I do know how to hunt. At least partly. And I’m learning as I go. Isn’t that what everybody does?”. He scoffed, and shook his head with a sarcastic smile. “In over your head, sugar”. “Screw you, Dean”, I growled.

I got of my chair; almost making it topple over from the force of my movement. “I have been working jobs all over for a long time now”, I hissed. “I’ve been playing it safe, yes; but what I’ve been doing, matters!”. Dean rolled his eyes. “Lou, you’re…”, he began. “A newbie. Unskilled, untrained; and with a desperate need for better equipment than the .45 you gave me 18 months ago”. I drew my lips back in a sneer. “But I’m not an idiot, and I don’t want to die. I’m not gonna throw myself at monsters I know nothing about, and can’t take down. But I have to learn to survive in this job, and I’m learning by working”. He shook his head. “You have no idea what you’re talking about”. “Then tell me!”, I yelled. 

Dean suddenly laughed. The gesture made me want to smack him across the face, but my hand still hurt from the cut. I snatched Bobby’s journal from my bag, and held it up. “You want this?”, I snarled. “Then you treat me with a little more respect for what I’ve been doing the last year!”. I grabbed my bag, and stormed towards the stairs. “Lou!”, Dean called after me. “Go to Hell…! Again!”, I yelled over my shoulder.

I heard him run after me, and he grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry”, he said. “Really…”. I turned around to face him. “I don’t need your permission to do something I’m actually kind of good at”, I said. “You don’t know…”. “You’re right. I don’t”, Dean said earnestly. “So, tell me… please. Maybe I… we can help”. I calmed my breathing. “Let go of my arm”, I croaked. He instantly stepped back.

Sam returned with a box. “We’re out of disinfectant”, he said. “Whiskey it is”, I muttered. “Please tell me you have that”.

---

Soon after, we were seated at the big table; as Sam was carefully stitching up my hand. “So, Ohio… ow! Bloody hell, Sam!”, I hissed, as he poked the needle through my skin. “New curse words, Lou”, Dean chuckled. “And fancy English ones as well”. I smiled. “Yeah, speaking of Ohio… ow”, I continued. “A crazy nurse had been killing patients in the 40’s; and the hospital was closing down – pissing her off something fierce… ow”. “Sorry”, Sam muttered, and pulled at the surgical thread. Dean poured me another drink. “Go on”, he said.

“She was suddenly nabbing pretty much every and any patient she could”, I said; before taking a sip of the whiskey. “I was looking up where they’d buried her after her execution, but it turned out she’d been cremated”. “What did you do?”, Sam asked. He made a final stitch. “Remind me to smack you across the face, when this heals up”, I muttered. “That hurt!”. He chuckled at me, and began wrapping up my hand in a clean bandage. “I found out from an old picture that she had a locket around her neck; which they took from her before she died. It was displayed at a museum in Dayton; and when I tracked it down, I met another hunter”. I looked up at Dean. “Tamara”.

Dean looked stunned. “Tamara? As in British Tamara?”. “Yeah”, I smiled. “She’d gotten there before me; and like me, suspected a strand of hair might be stuck in the locket. I distracted the security guy long enough for her to nab it”. “How?”, he frowned. I looked at him innocently, biting my lip. He looked at me exasperatedly. “You didn’t… Please tell me you didn’t…”. I rolled my eyes. “Sleep with him? No. I just flirted with him a little”. Dean swallowed hard. “You do that all the time”, Sam grinned. “That’s totally different!”, Dean growled.

Sam shook his head. “Then what?”, he asked. “Salt and burn”, I smiled. “Which is pretty much all I’ve been doing. I haven’t been taking on anything hardcore. Yet”. “Really?”, Dean asked warily. I grimaced. “Well… about 9 months ago I came across a tulpa. I thought it was just your every day ghost, and I was just checking out the house; when it attacked me. Salt didn’t work, or iron…”. Dean suddenly looked tense. “What did it do to you?”, he growled. I lifted my t-shirt slightly; exposing a mostly white scar down my ribs. Dean reached over the table, and made to touch it, but I dropped the fabric, and sat back in my chair; finishing my drink in one go. “I had no idea what to do about it, but Bobby wrote something about you guys taking one out some years back; so I called Jody”.

“I asked the sheriff to help me find Lulu”, Cass said, having reappeared with a bag of Mexican food. “I have… taquitos. And jalapeño poppers”, he added, with a soft smile in my direction. “Ranch?”, I asked. The angel nodded. “I love you!”. Castiel cleared his throat. “I have warm emotions towards you as well”, he said.

“So, you called Jody. Why?”, Sam asked; packing up the medical kit. “To get her to have you take care of it. But she said she couldn’t get in touch with you”. Dean scratched his chin. “Yeah, Cass and I were in Purgatory, and Sam hit a dog…”, he muttered. I shook my head. “Nothing’s ever easy with you guys, is it…”.

I opened the bag Castiel had put on the table, and dived for my poppers. “Yum. Extra cheese”, I hummed. I noticed Dean’s eyes warming almost endearingly; but when I licked my finger for a stray dollop of dressing, his gaze suddenly darkened into something else. He parted his lips, and his eyes fastened on my mouth. My breath hitched, and I shook myself ��� quickly wiping my mouth with a napkin. “I’m gonna go grab the beer”, Dean grunted; and left the room as quickly as he could.

“So, what are you working on?”, my voice broke. “We found a tablet”, Sam said. “The word of God”. My eyes widened. “The actual word of God?”, I breathed. “What?”. “We’re going to use it to seal Hell. For good”. I nodded. “That sounds like an awesome idea!”, I smiled. “How can I help?”.

“You can’t”, Dean grunted, returning with three beers, and a bottle of seltzer for Cass. “This isn’t on you”. “But you need my book”, I said. “And you’re not getting that without my say so”. He tilted his head, and gave me his trademark smirk, sending electric jolts straight to my core. “We could always take it from you”. With bated breath, I put my sword on the table; keeping my hand on the hilt. “I’d like to see you try”, I croaked. “All right, you know…”. Dean clenched his fists, before rolling up his sleeves. I stood up. “We gonna dance now?”, I said; trying for menacing – and failing miserably. “Let me just get my NSYNC-album”, he snarled.

“Ok, guys! Stop!”, Sam called out. “Lulu, Dean’s right. This is a pretty dangerous operation we’ve got going on here. You shouldn’t get involved”.

I clenched my jaw, and took a deep breath to calm myself. “Tell you what… I’ll go back to my own work; and you three can figure out how to save the world without Bobby’s journal”, I said; beginning to put my jacket back on. “When you decide to stop acting like dicks, and let me in on why you’re trying to mess up my job, by taking away my research…”. “It’s Bobby’s research”, Dean snarled. “That he left for me!”, I yelled. “And it has my additions”. I went to grab my bag, when Dean snatched the journal from it, before I could reach it. He held it over his head, as he had my sword, years ago. “Don’t do this…”, I hissed. “I watched plenty of roller derby games, sweetheart. I know your moves”.

His smug smile lit a fire in me, like none other I had never felt before. I ran at him, throwing my shoulder against his chest, making him stumble backwards, and knock over a chair. The journal fell from his hand, and slid across the floor; and I threw myself after it. Dean grabbed my ankle; and I fell to the floor, on my stomach. I tried to kick myself free from his grasp – and reached the book; clutching it to my chest under me. Dean straddled me – his strong legs keeping me in place – and he twisted my body around by my shoulders. We wrestled for the books, and when Dean grabbed my wrists – forcing them over my head – I finally had to let go. He looked at me with hard eyes. “Take it”, he growled; still holding me in place. “Dean…!”, Sam yelled; running over to us. “Take it, Sam!”, his brother roared. Sam took the book from the floor, and looked at me with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, Lulu”, he muttered.

Dean stayed on top of me – holding me down. His weight on me made my body scream for his touch; at the same time as I wanted him to let me go, and to never touch me again. He looked enraged; but then a thought seemed to cross his mind – one that made him realize what he was doing. He let go of my wrists, and I pushed at his chest hard; making him get off me. Castiel came over, and helped me to my feet.

I stormed out of the room, and down a hallway of doors with numbers on them. Once I found number 13, I opened the door, and stepped inside; slamming it shut behind me.

I took deep breaths – fighting tears and hiccupping sobs. Looking around the room, I tried to focus on what I was seeing, to distract myself. Damn self-help books, I thought to myself. Please help me now. Five things I could see. A bed, a desk, a chair, a book on 1920’s psychiatry, and a dresser. Four things I could touch. I stood up. The floor, the wall, the comforter on the bed, and the gun in the back of my jeans. Three things I could hear. The clock ticking over the door, the drips from the faucet on the sink, and my own footsteps. Two things I could smell. Gunpowder and musk. Dammit. One thing I could taste. The whiskey I’d had earlier.

With one final breath, I felt my heart settle – before it sprang up in my throat again, when the door knocked. “Lou…? Can I come in?”. I stood with my back to the door, not answering. “I know you’re in there. Table 13; always table 13, right?”.

Dean opened the door, and stepped inside, closing it behind him.

“I’m sorry, baby… I didn’t mean…”, he began. “I still… It hurts… even being in the same room as you”, I croaked, and a tear fell down my cheek, as I turned around – making Dean’s face fall into a pained expression. “I keep trying to get over you… Hunting, drinking… sex”. He winced at the last word. “I tried it all, Dean, but it never works”. “I know…”, he breathed. He might as well have added an I feel the same – his eyes gave away the words. “Why doesn’t it work?”, I whimpered.

He stepped towards me, but I held up my hands to stop him. “Don’t… please”. I balled my fists up – forcing my body to stay in place, and not walk into his arms. “You can use my book. You have 48 hours, then I want it back”. Dean nodded solemnly. I closed my eyes. “After that, I’m gone. For good”. I crunched up my brows, and opened my eyes again, looking at Dean with as much determination I could muster. “You don’t look for me, don’t ask for me – pretend I’m a stranger if you hear my name”. Dean’s lips parted, but I continued before he could speak. “I’m done. I can’t… see you. It hurts to much”.

Dean’s eyes watered. “Lou, please… don’t do this”, he breathed. “Don’t throw me away like this”. “I’m sorry”, I rasped. “This isn’t real. If they hadn’t planned it, we would have never gone beyond that first kiss; you know it as well as I do”. He shook his head, and a tear escaped his eye. “I lo…”. “You don’t”, I said. “You think you do; but it’s only because I was made for you. I have to be my own. And I can’t, if you keep popping up in my life”.

Dean closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. When he looked at me again, I saw complete defeat in his gaze. I’d just broken his heart. “Ok. If that’s what you want”, he whispered, a tear escaping his eye. I wanted to say It’s not. I want you. I want us. But I needed a clean break, and I believed Dean needed that as well. “48 hours. Give me back the book, and you’ll never have to see me again. It’s better this way. For both of us”. Dean nodded. “You can stay in here, if it’s easier than being around me”, he muttered; eyes on the floor. “I’ll stay away”. “Thank you”, I croaked.

He left the room, and I closed the door behind him.

---

I stayed in the room for hours, curled up on the bed. At one point, there was a knock at the door; and when I opened, there stood a tray outside, with food and a bottle of seltzer. I sent a warm thought to Cass, and took the tray inside; eating my meal in peace. There was no entertainment in the room – save for the outdated book on psychiatry – and after finishing my meal, I was going stir crazy.

I tried to catch a little sleep, but couldn’t rest properly; and decided to leave the room. Avoiding going in to the library, I snuck down the hall; and examined my surroundings. I found a large kitchen, outfitted to serve a large amount of people. The fridge was filled with leftover fast food and beer; making it clear that the Winchesters had yet to become all the way domesticated. Down a smaller hallway was a large storage room, with things I was quite sure I shouldn’t be touching. I left the room as quickly as I had entered.

Passing another few numbered doors, I went past number 21. The door was slightly ajar, and inside, Sam was bent over Bobby’s journal, seemingly enraptured by what he was reading. He looked up, and met my eyes – sending me a crooked smile – before I hurried away, to avoid conversation. He didn’t follow.

I found what looked like an old-fashioned gym; and my eyes widened in glee. Here, I felt at home. The punching bags and boxing gloves reminded me of my sessions with Raul. I took off my boots, and grabbed a pair of gloves that seemed to fit my hands – turning my attention to one of the bags.

Punch, punch, kick. This I knew. All my frustrations – the pent-up emotions – I let travel through my arms and legs; as I attacked the bag. “You’re angry”, Cass said; having appeared in the doorway. “I’m… no”, I said. “You’re distraught”, the angel tried. “Something like that. I’m sad. Frustrated…”. I punched hard at the bag. “Tired”.

Muscle pain was building up in my shoulders, and I took off the gloves; dropping them on the floor next to me. “I thought you would be happy to see your friends”, Castiel said. I was thinking of a good way to explain my emotions to him. “I can’t… be happy. Not now”. “Why?”, Cass asked. I chuckled. “Talking to you is like talking to Rain Man”, I said. Castiel grinned. “I’ve seen that movie now. Uh oh, fart…”, he chuckled. “But I would like to understand”.

I punched the bag hard with my stitched-up hand; wincing from the pain. I held it up for Castiel to see. “This – pain – I can feel it. It’s real”, I said. “Impact… physical reaction… It makes sense”. “And happiness doesn’t?”, Cass asked. “No, because I can’t trust it… it’s not real”. Castiel looked like he was pondering my words. “But your physical interactions with Dean… those make sense, don’t they?”. I groaned. “Me and Dean… Is… was, more than physical”. “Yes I know”, the angel said. “You have feelings for each other”. “But they’re not real”, I explained. “Why not?”. “You should know”, I scoffed. “Angel…”.

Castiel seemed even more confused. “I’m not following”, he said. I shook my head. “I… just can’t do this anymore”, I breathed. I put my boots back on. “I’m going back to my room. You have about 40 hours left with my book”. I left the room and the angel behind.

I was feeling sweaty, and decided to search for a shower. The many hallways were confusing; and I finally caved, and decided to ask Sam for help. Arriving back at room 21, the door was closed, and when I knocked there was no answer. I opened the door to see if he was inside, but all I found was a made bed, and some clothes over a chair. I walked back towards the kitchen, and bumped in to Dean; who was leaving the room with a mug of coffee in his hand.

“Sorry”, I muttered, as I noticed his coffee having spilt slightly over the floor. “I’ll clean that up”. “Don’t worry about it”, he said quietly. “I got it…”. “Ok”, I nodded. “I just…”. He looked at me hopefully. “I was looking for a shower”. Dean nodded. “Down the hall, to the left by my… by room 11”, he said. “Thank you”, I whispered; and scurried off.

Finally finding the showers, I got undressed, and turned on the water. The water pressure and temperature were amazing; just like everything else in the bunker. So far, everything I had seen here was perfect. There were clean rooms, a well-stocked library, access to training equipment and weapons, and my friends were here. And Dean. I could stay here, and be happy. But it wouldn’t be real.

As I let the water drip over my naked body, I leaned against the wall. I began questioning my choice to continue hunting. I’d have never started in the life, if I hadn’t met the Winchesters – if angels hadn’t put me in their path. Maybe angels had sent the maren after me to begin with. Maybe I should quit.

The thought was comforting and terrifying all at once. I’d have to start over – again. Be a teacher or tend bars; that was all I knew, other than what I had been doing the last year. And I loved hunting, I helped people; even if I never let anyone know why their houses stopped having flickering lights; or why hospitals stopped losing patients who had only minor injuries. I stayed quiet about what I did; didn’t need the glory.

Turning off the water, I realized I hadn’t brought clean clothes into the bathroom; and wrapped myself in a large towel – slipping quietly down the hall to avoid meeting anyone. I passed room 11, and heard voices from inside.

“She doesn’t really want to be here, Cass”, Dean muttered. “Why? I don’t understand. You two…”, Castiel began. “Because it’s not real!”, Dean growled. “Your… ass-butt brothers made her specifically for me. It’s not real, it’s forced on me… and her”. “Dean…”. “Find some way to break this bond we have. It’s not fair to her…”, Dean said. “I can’t do that…”, Cass said quietly. “Why?”, Dean roared. There was no answer. “Cass… just get out”. The door began opening, as if someone was pulling at the knob, and I ran for room 13; closing and locking the door behind me.

Good. He was on the same page as me. And maybe there was a way to break our bond; and make me free of these feelings. Maybe Cass just didn’t know how to, and I just had to find another angel – or whatever – to help.

My phone rang – distracting me from my thoughts. “Yeah?”, I answered it. “Lulu. It’s Tamara”, my friend said. “Hey, Tammy. What’s up?”. “I need your help. My partner didn’t show up; and this nest isn’t a one-woman job”. I sighed. “Tammy…”. “I know, I know; but I really need you on this one. Think of it as a learning experience”. I frowned. It would be a good way to learn, I agreed – and I trusted Tamara knew what she was doing. On top of that, I needed to be as far away from Dean as I could. “Give me the address…”.

After Tamara had let me know where to meet her, I got dressed quickly, and put on my jacket. Almost running through the library, I saw Sam now bent over a strange looking rock, by the mapped table. “I’m going out. I’ll be back for my book”, I muttered, and went to get my backpack, when I realized it was missing. “I packed up a bag”, Sam said. “It’s got some better equipment for you; if you’re gonna keep up hunting”. I looked over my shoulder at him. “Thanks”, I muttered. “Welcome”, he said.

He handed me a canvas backpack, with a little more weight than my own. I opened it, and saw bullets and a large knife, and a machete in a leather sheath. “Silver ammo, iron knife; and there’s a zippo in the side pocket”. “Weres, witches and vampires. Got it”, I said; and put on the bag. Sam frowned. “Where are you going?”. “Just… out. Meeting a friend”, I said. “Do you have a car I can use until I get back?” He threw me a set of car keys. “There’s a Dodge parked a little way down the road. Take it. And uhm… my number. Just in case”. He scribbled down a number on a piece of paper, and came over to hand it to me. I smiled warmly, and pocketed the keys and the note. “How long will you be gone?”, Sam muttered. “As long as it takes. That’s how the job is, right?”, I shrugged. Sam’s face dropped. “What job?”, he demanded. I sighed. “Don’t worry. Your care-package here will keep me safe”, I smiled. “I’ll be back before you know it. Maybe you’ll even have a few extra hours with my book”. “Lulu… what job?”. I got on my toes, and kissed his cheek. “Bye, Sammy”. I ran up the stairs, and exited the bunker.

I found my “new” car half a mile down the road. It was rusty and sad looking; and fit my state of mind perfectly at the moment. I got settled in the driver’s seat, after having set the Dodge up the way I wanted it. Surprisingly, the engine started without trouble; and I turned on the radio. Dean must have driven the car before, because a tape began playing Girls Girls Girls. I was smiling sadly to myself, as I drove the car out on the road at the bottom of the mound.

---

Kehlani singer on her new album

Kehlani, singer on her new album

Photo: Pari Dukovic

Kehlani

In early March, Kehlani was due to meet his label. She was preparing to release her second album - her first since she had a baby and a return to her roots R-B. She was scheduled to perform the first part of Justin Bieber's Changes tour, as well as a number of dream solo dates. Atlantic executives told him they believed in the album, which was scheduled for release on April 24, its 25th anniversary, but the coronavirus pandemic made it impossible to develop a promotion plan. We'd have to postpone it. "I was casting actors and actresses. I was doing all kinds of things," she says of all the pre-production she had completed at the time of the mid-March meeting. We're talking about a video call from Zoom; Kehlani sits alone in a sunny room in his Los Angeles home. (Later, she will be joined by her dog, a pint of ice cream and a tequila-based drink with a slice of orange coming out). It just so happens that today is the original release date. They said, "We don't think you should take it out,"" she said. "And then I went to my room and made the 'Toxic' video on my laptop." She posted it on YouTube at the end of March. "People messed with it," she adds. When Kehlani's label accepted her request to release the album this month, it was stipulated that she had to do it all herself. "If all we do is make music and press the button, then you can do it," she says. "And I was like, 'Okay, challenge accepted fucking.'" So now Kehlani and her photographer, with whom she's in quarantine, are planning and editing music videos, photoshoots, and album coverage. (She also lives with her daughter, two younger siblings, a close friend and her assistant). His garage has been converted into a two-level studio, one side for music, the other for visuals. Kehlani has been a professional musician since the age of 13. A series of mixtapes - full of overshares about having a heart built and broken - and a random but successful debut album have already made her a leading figure in the industry. His music is R-B in its purest form: songs about how love defeats you, about floating on the pure adrenaline of a crush, about the desire of someone you can't trust in your heart. It's no coincidence that when white artists like Bieber and Charlie Puth want to look into an R-B sound, they call on Kehlani to help them. The new album, It Was Good Until It Wasn't, is part of a revival of the genre in the midst of its fiercest debates. It is also a transition disc, a bridge between adolescence and adulthood. Throughout her career, Kehlani has been considered the daughter of the R-B: sexy but boyish. In her old music, she played with both sides of the binary. On the new record, it got too big. She did so immediately after giving birth to her daughter Adeya, who is now one year old. (She is currently co-parenting with her ex, Adeya's father, Javaughn Young-White, younger brother of Jaboukie from the Daily Show). "People would always be like, Kehlani is adorable or, like, Kehlani is cool hella. But then I had a baby and it made me look more feminine," she says. "So I guess I thought, OK, I'm going to start shaking my ass and talk about it." (She wanted Bieber to do a song for her album, but he refused. "Because he's a super-married guy now, it didn't really fit," she said. Kehlani's self-managed music video for "Toxic", filmed with the only camera on her MacBook, shows the nervous figure of the singer slipping and squirming, rubbing her arms and hips. "Don Julio has ridiculed me for you," she tells her former lover that she won't reach out to him, even if her body urges her to do it out of instinct. Kehlani insists this is not his last relationship, which ended publicly and painfully, with Compton rapper YG earlier this year. It's the kind of personal drama that made headlines and made Kehlani's blog famous. She writes songs that address all of this openly. Her fans grow up with her career because she is transparent, sometimes to excess. Or, as she says, I do in public, and it makes people feel like I'm not a stranger. I'm a person with a human ass. I'm screwing up in front of the whole world." The conversation about the state of the R-B was revived last November, when Lizzo, often considered a pop artist, won album of the year at the Soul Train Awards, beating soul singer Ari Lennox. ("It's clear that I'm not cool enough," Lennox tweeted after his loss. Last February, rapper Young M.A. went further, saying that "we barely have R-B". Indeed, in recent years, the superstars of the genre - like SWV, Boyz II Men, Ginuwine, Toni Braxton - and their musical descendants have mostly failed to stop the charts as they did two decades ago; many contemporary black musicians evade the label, preferring to be called "alternative R-B", while others experiment more with genres that were once declared out of bounds by the guardians. Kehlani, on the other hand, is part of a coterie of artists who maintain the relevant R-B today, alongside newcomers like Summer Walker, Bryson Tiller and Lennox. She has a song for every step of a relationship: going under it, going over it, watching the door ahead, a personal promise to stop texting her. His music seems new - not as a consistent copy of a Brandy song - but the influence is palpable. She finds the current debate about gender - what the R-B is, what it was and where it has gone - boring. It may no longer sound like it did in the 90s, but rappers (think, more recently, Drake) have expanded it beyond the desperate desire (or desperate loves) of the last century. "I think people don't know enough about music to make these kinds of accusations [that the R-B no longer exists]. The R-B is simple lyrics and a great song. Lots of harmonies and batteries and melodic production," she says, as if it were easy. "I'll never be able to make 90s R-B music. I'm never going to be able to make R-B music from the early 2000s, because that's not when I was making music. It wasn't when I experienced things that shaped my words and my sound." Kehlani was born in Oakland and raised by her aunt. His mother struggled with drug addiction, and his father died when he was 24 years old and she was very young. A stint on America's Got Talent put her in touch with Nick Cannon, who paid for her to spend time in the studio to make her first mixtape in 2014. On Cloud 19, you can hear the beginnings of a great talent: his voice is more acute and younger, but it is overflowing with emotion. On the deck of Cloud 19's "As I Am" film, she sings and succeeds in the chorus of a Mary J. Blige classic. A week after the release of her second mixtape in 2015, she signed with Atlantic Records. Kehlani turned to pop with his debut album of 2017, SweetSexySavage, an album full of rushed and half-finished ideas. It was carried out amid a personal mental health crisis, sparked by rumors that she cheated on her ex-boyfriend, NBA player Kyrie Irving, in 2016. The relentless online bullying led her to attempt suicide. (Kyrie Irving later admitted that she had never been unfaithful.) "I started an album as a person and experienced the most traumatic event of my life," she says. Her label held on until the deadline, letting her make an album from songs she barely recognized. "I had no connection with the music," she says. "I was embarrassed about everything." The new record is a reset, closer to the Grammy-nominated mixtapes that made it famous. It Was Good Until It Wasn't Gives you the Pure B-R rush, the R-B "waiting for you to call me", the R-B "the only thing that interests me is you": the hits of Brandy and Monica in the 90s, the classics of Alicia Keys of the early 2000s who fall in love. She is also less affected by the nostalgia of adolescence than by the immediacy of adult desires. His first mixtapes were about childhood and adolescence; It Was Good Until It Wasn't at peace with the way most conflicts or heartaches unfold. The title comes from a conversation with a friend about her recent breakup. That's the life of this, you know? she said. The is good and then it's not good anymore. Although she has been in the industry since she was a teenager, Kehlani has never had any decisive success for her career, and it is unlikely that the new album will deliver one. "F-MU" is hot and dancing, and the collaboration with Canadian R-B star Tory Lanez, "Can I," is a sexy earworm - although neither song seems particularly suited to virality. His greatest successes are gossip blogs that overshadow his music. His three-month relationship with YG ended just after they released a song together proclaiming their love. (Their duet came out on the eve of Valentine's Day 2020; three days later, she released a breakup song after images of him cheating her surfaced). Minutes before one of our calls, Kehlani posted a series of tweets about a feud with another Oakland native, rapper Kamaiyah, who slammed her on Instagram Live about a previously unreleased mixtape and accused her of being a colorist, among other things. "She gave the green light to my family and me and told everyone in Oakland to kill us for a song," Kehlani says. (Kamaiyah later replied, telling Kehlani, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't threaten you," but added that "a green light means going like a fight, not shooting"). A moment after our discussion, she answered a phone call from a friend and nervously asked if her tweets - which had let the rapper know there was no bad blood - were correct, if she had handled the situation properly. Kehlani and Kamaiyah had long argued over a joint mixtape, which was to be released before the release of their two albums. Her production was difficult, and even the basic decisions - how many songs she should have, what it should be called, what the visual aesthetic should be - met, according to Kehlani, with Kamaiyah's resistance. In the end, she had had enough of back and forth, and the mixtape didn't seem as essential to her as the release of her album. When she came back to our call, her mood was appalled. I tried to contact her to do good business and she said, "If the project doesn't come out, you can't have it [one piece]," she says. "Even though I wrote it." Once again, she was swept away in a drama she couldn't control, tweeting clarifications about a quarrel she didn't care about, instead of celebrating the upcoming release of her album. But why challenge a misinterpretation if she is tired of getting carried away by the drama? How can I put this to rest and out of my body? Because I don't want to wear them," Kehlani says. "Even if you never want to piss me off again, how can I make sure you know it's love on this side?" she tweeted Kamaiyah to let the rapper know she wished him the best. She is satisfied with the way she has defused an unexpected quarrel. A few years ago, it would not have been as weighted. It took a lot of to get to this point, she says. The death of two friends in three months has put a lot of things in perspective. Philadelphia rapper Chynna overdosed in April at age 25; Minnesota rapper Lexii Alijai, whom Kehlani considered "a little sister," overdosed on New Year's Day at just 21 years of age. Lexii Alijai was scheduled to perform the first part of the post-Bieber tour as the headliner. "I couldn't believe it because Alijai was so young," she says. "It was a click, it was amazing, it was sad and it was heartbreaking. I'm always trying to find the best way to help them continue their legacy." Being 25 was also more than a quarter of a life. It was a horizon she never thought she would see. "I've always had a strange feeling about being 25 or older," she says. "It's a shock because I'm now older than my father was." that's part of what made It Was Good Until It Wasn't feel like the album she finally grew up on. "I wanted to be 25 on this one," she says.

Instagram

from flych https://ift.tt/3fOJi2U via https://ift.tt/2SkgjJX

May 5, 2022

--STRIPES—

Coffee and Rock and Roll time: 4:29

The Beatles, ABBEY ROAD Muddy Waters, HARD AGAIN Ian and Sylvia, FOUR STRONG WINDS Love and Rockets, EARTH. SUN. MOON.

Where do I start. I am awake. The news has broken that my application for rental assistance has been approved for funding. I'm relieved. It only took 9 months. An ironic span of time in the wake of the news that the draft decision written by Justice Alito, a decision that would overturn Roe Vs. Wade, has been leaked. I can’t wish a large enough curse on those despicable justices who would support this. All of them deserve a far more withering pox than Covid, Herpes and Leprosy combined. Vile disgusting religious zealots. Anyhow, I am awake.

The cab was dead again. The Battery. After every two days off, the battery is drained from the electronics and dysfunction of the Ford Transit Connect’s electrical system. I didn’t even miss a beat. Found a cab that I knew had jumper cables, drove it over to where 217 was parked, put the source cab in part on a no parking space in the lot and on a little part on the sidewalk. Got the cables attached, jumped it, moved the doner cab into a proper spot, loaded my gear and got on the road. It took me longer to get food at Burgerville and coffee at Starbucks. My undead cab lives.

The master of a blog I follow on Tumblr referred to someone who reblogged one of her posts and changed the tone (I think) as a “Terf.” What’s a Terf? OK, so a “TERF” is a feminist who excludes transgender rights from their advocacy. Rights for all of us, except you, you’re too different to be included in our struggle against marginalization. I don’t write this to be insensitive to this issue, I’m just working the concept out in written form. I’m old, alright. To the degree I qualify as a feminist, I too support trans rights. Let me be clear. To the degree that I qualify as a human I support the ERA, Abortion as Health Care, Trans Rights, LGBTQ+ and on. I'm just old in the sense that I live in an aging body and grew up in the mid twentieth century.

I was listening to OPB (NPR) earlier and they were talking about the struggles of a couple of local bands that have recently returned to touring in the wake of the COVID pandemic. While a couple of bands that I know are out on tour, I had never heard of these bands. AH, they are for the younger crowd. You struggle against the older generation, only to realize as you become the older generation that you are inching towards irrelevancy and your tastes in everything becomes a kind of weird cultural cannibalism of the middle-aged and decrepit. How vital Ian and Sylvia sounded to me today, while I drank my coffee.

My last customer last night made me question my longevity as a cab driver. Instead of suffering her silently, without protest, I pushed back. She was an asshole; customer service means dealing with assholes. She was nit-picking right from the instant of getting in the cab, which started out with her giving us the wrong address to pick her up at. While I’m waiting for her, she’s not answering the phone and suddenly she’s yelling to me from a block away. Gets in, I explain that it’s important to give us the correct address. She blames it on whoever told her where she was. We are on the corner of 47th and SE Clinton. She asked why I don’t turn and drive down Clinton St. I explain that it’s a bike route street with barriers every few blocks to prevent cars from using it as a through street. She acquiesces on that one, and I say acquiesces because she next tells me to go to the freeway; we are miles away from any freeway on-ramp. I explain that we aren’t near a freeway. She treats me like a child and an idiot. Suddenly she’s questioning every turn I make. Suddenly she’s criticizing the noises the car makes.  I wanted to ask her if she had children, because if she did, I was sure that they hated her. Thing about this kind of bully is that they’re often trying to knock you off guard. Often, they are angling for a justification to not pay you, or to underpay you. Not saying that’s exactly what she was doing (she did pay in full) because I refused to take her shit. I finally asked her, when she brought up the freeway again, I asked her: why are you arguing with me. (understand that the freeway would definitely have made her ride cost more)

When I got back, I talked to a friend who was planning to quit his job soon and take the summer off and then start driving a cab. I asked him if he liked dealing with people and he told me that it was the thing he disliked the most about his current job. He said that he talked to some cab drivers, and they told him it was different. I wish I could impress upon him that customer service in a taxi cab is every bit as grueling and frustrating as it is anywhere else. Trouble with people who drive for a living is that a giant portion of them are morons. Morons. Do not crowd source cab drivers for wisdom or any kind of advice. Do not do it!

If you don’t like people, don’t drive them around. It will be your undoing.

It was always you: Chapter one (Lellinger)

So, I’ve decided to write that multi-chaptered story. Most chapters won’t be as long as the one-shots but I’m hoping to post more often. 

OK, here goes nothing.  🙈 🙈 🙈    

It was always you – Lellinger

Chapter one

March 2023

Stephan hardly ever went to clubs but everybody had insisted and it was a special occasion after all. Despite his initial doubts, he was actually having a good time, drinking and chatting with some of his oldest friends.  

Having just ordered another round of drinks for their table, he was waiting at the bar when he thought he spotted a familiar figure a few seats away. He started to unconsciously walk towards him, many mixed emotions going through him all at once. Could it really be Andreas? Was he really going to meet him again now, after all this time and when he had finally put the past behind him? He dreaded the possibility and hoped it was true at the same time.  

At first, he wasn’t sure if it was him as he seemed so different from the man he remembered. He would have thought it impossible but the blonde looked even thinner than before when he was still training every day. It was rather dark in the club but as Andreas turned to call the bartender, he could just make out his pale face and the dark circles under his eyes.

Had he not known that Andi was only twenty-eight, he would have assumed he was older than him. He had never seen him look this sad and dejected, gone was the warmth and cheerfulness he used to love so much.

Soon he was standing next to his ex-teammate. Trying to find something to say, he realized he didn’t really think this through. However before he had a chance to back out, the other man spun around feeling somebody’s eyes on him.

“Hi,” he said tentatively.

He hadn’t expected the younger man to jump into his arms, it has been years since they last saw each other, but he had hoped for a little more than the blank stare he received. Even though he was looking right at him, he got the impression that the blonde didn’t actually see him. Feeling embarrassed, he was about to walk away when Andreas blinked and seemed to finally recognize that someone was talking to him.

“Steph?” he whispered disbelievingly, as if not convinced he wasn’t dreaming.

“I’m sorry to bother you, I just saw you and thought I’d say hi.” He spoke fast, cursing himself for coming over. “It was a stupid idea, I’ll leave.”

“No!” said Andi and blushed, realizing he had practically yelled. “I mean… you can stay. If you want to. It’s fine if you don’t…”

“I want to,” he said with a smile, interrupting the younger man’s rambling. He sat down and shaking his head, added, “I can’t believe it’s been five years. How have you been?”

“Good, everything’s great.”

Once again this evening, Stephan was surprised by how much Andreas has changed over the years. His voice lacked the usual confidence and he was subdued, but what the brunette missed the most was his bright smile.

“I’m glad to hear that, everyone was shocked when you retired four years ago after winning the World Cup. You’d always said you wanted to jump as long as you could.”

When he watched Andi’s last interview in Planica, he was shocked to hear him say he was done with jumping and wondered what was the reason for his decision but he had no way of finding out as he hadn’t kept in touch with anyone from the team since leaving a year earlier.  

“Yeah, I guess I wasn’t thinking realistically back then. It was better to give up before people saw that I wasn’t as talented as they believed.”

He spoke without any emotion, as if he had memorized the words and repeated it many times before. It crossed his mind that his Andi would rather die than stop trying to accomplish his goals but then again, he hasn’t been his for a long time.

He must have been gone longer than he thought because a moment later they were joined by one of the guys he was here with.

“Here you are! We were starting to wonder if you got cold feet and took off.”

“Very funny. Sorry, I met an old friend and…”

“OK, just don’t take too long. It’s your party after all.”

He nodded and turned back to find Andreas looking at him questioningly. 

“Friend?” he asked and Stephan felt himself blush.

“I’ve never actually told people I had a boyfriend,” he admitted self-consciously. “I mean, first we had to hide and then after… I guess I was just too afraid of their reaction. I’m sorry.”          

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter anymore, right?” the blonde asked and not waiting for an answer, continued, “So, what’s the occasion? Your birthday’s months away.”

“Actually…” he began but for some reason hesitated before finishing. “It’s my bachelor party.”

For the first time that night he thought he saw something more than the emptiness in Andi’s eyes but it was gone a second later.

“Congratulations,” he said sounding as detached as before.

“Thanks. I should be going back but maybe we could exchange numbers? I’d love to catch up,” he said hopefully.

“I don’t…”

Certain that Andreas was going to say no, he felt the disappointment sweep over him but the Bavarian seemed to suddenly change his mind.

“Alright,” he said and handed him his phone.

“Great. I’m going to be away for a week but I’ll call you as soon as we’re back,” he promised.

“Sure.”

He could hear in Andi’s voice that he didn’t expect him to keep his word but that just made him more determined to prove him wrong.

Having said goodbye, he left the younger man at the bar and headed back towards his table. Stephan wasn’t sure how he felt about meeting his former teammate. Andreas had been the most important person in his life once but a lot has happened since then.

After their break-up, he had spent months getting back on his feet with the help of his friends and family. No one knew the true reason he was upset and he let them assume that it was because of his retirement from jumping.

It was then that he’d met Julia and they had been friends for three years before he finally decided to ask her out. They’ve been together since and tomorrow he was going to marry her.

Maybe their relationship wasn’t as passionate as the one he’d had with Andi but it wasn’t as painful either. He loved Julia and he knew they would be happy together. Still, he couldn’t ignore the feeling that the younger man was not as fine as he said he was.      

Take A Chance ( Steve Harrington x Reader)

Summary: The group tries to convince Steve to ask the Reader out on a date.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Settings: Hawkins High School, The Wheeler Home, Readers House.

Request: hey I was just wondering if I could request an imagine in which the party tries to convince Steve into asking the reader out thank u and keep up the good work 💗💖💖

Warnings: Cursing

Author: Joy

Note: This story was written by my lovely younger sister who will be making appearances on this page with her writing! I hope you guys enjoy this entire story was written by her I just gave her the request because I knew she would have a perfect idea for it, enjoy! NO GIFS USED THROUGHOUT THE STORY ARE MINE.

Requests are open! Don’t be shy to message me or ask anonymously. :)

Word Count: 3317

I walk into school with thoughts of y/n in my mind. I just.. Can’t stop thinking of her. Her amazing personality, friendship with the kids… plus her cute face is a nice bonus. I’ve been wanting to ask her out for a few days but.. Fuck, i’m too nervous. What if she rejects me..? Or worse, calls me ‘buddy’. I can’t help but sigh out loud as I think to myself, i’ve never had this much of an intense crush. I mean… Nancy… yeah… but, y/n is different. I’ve known her for a while now, and I’ve been crushing on her for a while too. I can’t stop thinking about her, she’s all that has mattered to me recently. Suddenly I feel a hand grasp onto my shoulder and hug me from behind.

“Wha-!” I turn around quickly and see the smiling face of… her. y/n, as beautiful as ever. My heart felt like it was going to burst every time that I saw her. Her eyes seemed to shine, her hair fell perfectly, and… god that smile of hers.

“Sorry for scaring you, Steve. How are you?” she said happily with a happy smirk on her face.

“I was doing alright, but now i’m feeling..” I bring my hand up to my chin and act as if i’m thinking intensely. I hold up a few fingers, “three times better, thanks to you showing up”

She widens her eyes slightly, “Aw! I didn’t know a walking can of hair gel could be so sweet!”

“Hey!”

“I’m just kidding~! That was super.. Super sweet, Steve” she says joyfully, I see her cheeks swell up with a light pink.

My heart is going to erupt. That’s the first… first… ANYTHING i’d ever said to her that didn’t come out completely awful. I feel myself start to sweat, and quickly wipe my forehead. I turn around quickly, “Aha! Well- y/n we better get going, right?”

“Oh- oh God, yeah, I didn’t see the time”

“Pfft. Alright, let’s go” I say as calmly as I can. I.. I’ve made my decision.. I’m going to ask her out tomorrow after school! I just have to before some undeserving hound-dog of a boy asks her out. I can do this!

I walk out of school, the thought of y/n still clinging onto my thoughts. I look around the sea of students leaving to see if I can find her. I quickly find Dustin and y/n chatting it up near the parking lot. Mike, Will, Lucas, and Max behind him. I smile when I see y/n, and start jogging over to them. They all quickly turn to me, Dustin giving me a weird.. Glare?

“Hey, you guys” I say as I step up to them, smiling even bigger as I see y/n’s face. y/n blushes and turns to Dustin,

“Ok, Dusty, I’ve gotta go now~” she says waving her hand a little bit, she looks to me for a split second, “Sorry Steve, we can talk tomorrow!” she quickly runs of not saying another word.

Wha..? What was that about… Did I do something wrong earlier? I look over to Dustin whose glare hasn’t failed to weaken. “Hey bud..?” I say quietly. He steps closer to me and pats my arm gently,

“Hey.. pal’ he says smiling

“Uh..? What’s up with the smile?”

Max chimes in with a smug smirk on her face,

“y/n told us about how you’ve been acting lately! Do you have like a crush on her or something?” she steps closer “She said you’ve been acting kinda off! And she told us what you said earlier this morning! Gosh- she said it so calmly too! Like she doesn’t see what that means~” Mike pats her shoulder

“Max, calm down on lover boy” he says quietly.

I feel my heart stop. Have I SERIOUSLY been acting that obvious lately? I open my mouth to defend myself but Dustin speaks up before I can,

“Steve.. How about you come with us back to Mike’s house. We were going to play some games. But I think we have something else to do now” I look behind his shoulder and see the other three chattering with excitement behind him, I sigh and nod. It’s not like I can just not go with them. Knowing the four, one of them would probably blab to y/n about my feelings by tomorrow afternoon if I don’t oblige.

“Ok-ok but, you can’t tell y/n. I can’t let her know yet---” Dustin hushes me and purses his lips.

“Shh.. I know you’ve got a mega boner for y/n”

“DUSTIN”

“A MEGA HEART BONER” lucas says loudly. I see some weird stares come from some ongoing students, I step closer to them.

“Okokok- shut up, you guys” I say with panic in my voice. “Let’s just go” I see all their eyes light up, and they all begin simultaneously giggling. I sigh yet again, and start stomping over to my car.

“Wait!” Mike yells out to me, I turn around and stare at them like they’re insane.

“What..?”

“What about our bikes!” he said with an annoyed tone in his voice

I stop for a second, looking at my car then back to the four bikes.

“Grab my rope from the trunk”

“Why the hell do you have rope, Steve” Dustin asks

“To tie things to the roof”

I park the car in front of Mike's house, “Alright, we’re here” I grumble as I hop out of the car. They all jump out almost immediately, and they all start heading towards the house. Dustin stops and turns to me and looks at the car. There are three bikes being held onto the roof of the car by two ropes. Barely.

“Are the bikes gonna be alright?”

“Yeah. Mike’s is in the trunk. We can come back out and get them later.. I guess”

Dustin shrugs and guides me into the house. We’re greeted by Karen, AKA Mike’s mom, who’s starting dinner. She smiles at the kids and greets then and turns her head at me.

“Steven? What are you doing here?” she says tilting her head to the side.

I chuckle nervously, slowly following the kids. “Ha.. Just dropping off the group.. Lucas’ bike was actin’ wonky so they asked me to just pick ‘em up.” I give her a cheesy grin. “So now i’m just gonna hang out with them for a bit because they invited me to play dungeons and dragons!” She narrows her eyes at me.

“Oh..?” she looks out to my car and stares at the bikes that are being held onto the roof.

“O..kay” she nods “Oh- and Hopper dropped off Jane a little bit ago.”

“We still call her Eleven” Mike mumbles to himself as he starts going down the stairs into the basement.

I start following Mike down to the basement. They all start chatting away as I sit down uncomfortably in the corner. I see them greet Eleven, she’s just hanging out in the corner alone. Suddenly, she looks over to me and then over to Mike.

“Why is he here..?” she says quietly to the group.

“MEGA BONER” Will half yells, a playful punch quickly coming from Lucas.

“Steve-man here, has a crush on y/n!” Mike says proudly, as he delivers the ‘exciting’ news to her. Elevens eyes widen as she looks over to me quickly,

“Lucas explained to me what ‘Crushes’ are, once.” she says looking over to Lucas and Max. “Lucas your crush is M-” Lucas hushes her almost instantly and looks towards me.

“Yeah! Steve has a crush on y/n” he says, changing the subject. All of them except for Dustin start cackling quietly at the words.

“Come on guys, stop! We need to talk business” Dustin says silencing them.

“Business?”

“Yes, Steven. Business” Dustin whispers as he steps towards me. He motions for the others to come sit down and they do. Dustin clears her throat,

“So you gonna ask her out?” Max says leaning into the table, staring me dead in the eyes. I feel myself start to sweat waterfalls. Hell. I clear my throat in a panic and put my elbow onto the table.

“No-”

“What do you mean no?” Will asks leaning into the table, as Max did a few moments ago.

“I mean- I.. I just don’t know?” I say pathetically as I slump back into my chair. “I wanna but.. I don’t know if i’m going to.. I just have so much to th-”

“Stop with this bullshit, Steve” Dustin says, the others quickly turning to him.

“Bullshit” I hear Eleven whisper under her breath.

“You know you like y/n. You know you want y/n. You gonna GET y/n” Dustin runs his hand through his hair and sighs dramatically. “Ask. her. Out” he says tapping his finger onto the table with every word. The others all nod in agreement and shoot daggers over to me after a few moments.

“Come on! She’s so awesome!” Max shouts, nearly jumping out of her chair. “She’s super cool! And so are you! She can settle for a guy like you! Hell- she’s out of your league, even!” Dustin nudges her shoulder, silencing her.

“Nice way to give him that confidence, Max” he mutters, she sits down and sulks silently. Will leans forward and attention is guided to him.

“I agree with Dustin. If you want her, you’ve gotta go after her, Steve” his eyes are lit with ambition, a look I haven’t seen from him in a while. “You don’t have much time, anyways”

“What do you mean.. time?” I ask

“I mean. Isn’t y/n one of the most praised girls at the high school? Pretty, smart, good personality, AND gets along with us? Like.. a total-”

“BABE” I nearly shout

“Steve. Shut up.” Dustin huffs as he looks back over to Will.

“... a total catch.” he finishes. The whole group lets out a series of ‘Oh’s as he concludes.

My mind has ten million thoughts crashing around, and they’re all screaming at me. I know I have a crush on y/n, I don’t need a group of middle schoolers telling me to act on it. I will… once i’m mentally prepared.

“Steve- if it helps you ask her out quicker…” lucas leans closer into the table, and whispers. “I saw a few guys checking out y/n as she left.” An exaggerated gasp comes from Dustin almost immediately after.

“STEVE. Did you hear that?” Dustin yells, slamming his hand onto the table. “Other men were checking out y/n!” he sits back into his chair and looks at the others like they’re insane for not reacting the same way. “Steve- you HAVE to ask her out tonight” he proposes, surprising me and the others with his the idea.

“Dustin- maybe tonight is too soon?” Mike says leaning closer to Dustin, Dustin rolls his eyes in response.

“No. The ladies LOVE romantic and out-of-the-blue gestures, Mike”

“I’m not sure if that’s always true, love-expert-Dustin” Max says with a smug expression.

“Pfsh.. Listen. I have a game plan..” Dustin stands up and looks at each of us for a moment, “Mike has an old boombox. We have some good ol’ you know.. ‘Foreigner’.. To romance her” he says while motioning towards a boombox that's sitting in the corner with a bunch of crap thrown around it. Wait.. Wait a minute..

“Wait a minute Dustin- What says I want to do this? And- and a boombox? Foreigner?” I sigh with an annoyed tone in my voice, “I guess it is a good song..”

“Yes, Steven, It is a good song” he starts walking over to the boombox, “Your gonna show her what love is” he mumbles under his breath. He picks it up and stomps back over to the table, nearly slamming it onto the table. “Even if you don’t wanna go through with this plan, you’re gonna” he sits down again. “Just play the song, get into her house through the window, then..”

“Then?” Eleven asks as Dustin’s plan seems to crumble

“THEN.. you tell her.. ‘y/n.. Can you show me what love is?’.. She’ll be yours”

The whole group seems to gag in sync. Dustin groans, “Fine, fine. Then.. you just.. Do whatever seems right?” he grumbles. They all nod and then look over to me, as if they want my criticism.

“Uh.. ok.. Ok..ok..okok..”  I say anxiously, “But i’m only doing this because I know for a fact if I don’t you’re all gonna go running to y/n’s house and blab about it” they all seem to light up at my words.

“Ok! Let’s all get going the-” Dustin starts but I quickly stand up and grab the boombox

“No, Dustin. I never said you could come. This is my moment, alright?” I say sternly, looking Dustin in the eyes. He sighs with a hint of disappointment within it, and nods. They all start whispering to one another and I stand up shakily to go confess to.. Her. Just the thought of asking her makes my heart skip a beat, not only because of the thought of her accepting. Because i’m also so damn worried she’ll reject me.. That she’ll feel awkward around me if she rejects me. I hear the kids yelling shouts of encouragement as I leave. I wave goodbye to Karen, and walked out to my car. Shit the bikes. I take about ten minutes to get the bikes off and out of my car, leaving them at Mike’s door.

I stomp back over to my car, grabbing the boombox off of the roof of the car, and speed off to see y/n. My heart is racing miles per minute, and I feel my head fill with excitement and unease as I get closer. I pull into her neighborhood and stop a few houses down from y/n’s. I grab the boombox and run to her house, sneaking around the back. I set the boombox down into the wet grass and look up to her rooms window. The light is on.. I take a deep breath and look down to the boombox. I pick it up gently… and toss it a few feet away. I don’t need foreigner to intrigue y/n. I look around and see a small pile of pebbles near the back door.. Perfect. I go and pick a few up, and glance back over to her bedroom door. It isn’t that high up… I think? I toss a pebble up to her window and wait to see if she heard it, and she doesn’t. I toss a few more, and I finally see a shadow appear at the window. Shit. Should I REALLY have done this tonight..? God..

“Steven~?” She says in a surprised tone as she looks down to me. “What are you doing here..? It’s like.. Nine now” she looks around me and tilts her head as she makes eye contact again. I take another deep breath and take a step forward,

“y/n.. I really need to talk with you. Now” I say as confidently as I can possibly manage. She gives me a concerned look and nods a few moments later.

“Okay.. we can talk but.. I don’t have any rope or anything. I don’t even know if we own a ladder..” She leans out of the window and looks towards the back door. “Oh! You can sneak through the back door. The stairs are right next to-” I immediately begin striding towards the door, I’m determined to tell her how I feel. It didn’t hit me as intensely as it did now but… she really is something amazing. I just can’t wait and expect for other guys to not ask her out, and I know that eventually she’d accept one of them. I can’t let that happen; I can’t let this opportunity slip out of my fingers. I open the door, surprised its unlocked, and step in quietly. I sneakily step towards the stairs… and begin sprinting up them as silently as I can. I reach the top and head towards the door at the end of the hall as quickly and hushed as I could. I quickly open the door and close it softly behind me, y/n walks over to me with a puzzled expression plastered onto her face.

“Steve- can you please explain to me now why you had to be here so.. Unexpectedly?” she says with deep concern within her words. I take a deep look into her eyes, and walk over to her bed to sit down. She follows me and sits beside me, never taking her eyes away from my gaze.

“y/n.. I.. i’ve really been wanting to talk to you about this for months now.. And- well.. A group of munchkins gave me the courage to talk to you about this earlier..” I gently take her hand and hold it softly. “y/n.. You’ve helped me learn so much over the past months we’ve known each other. You’re kind.. Brave.. Smart.. Creative.. And so much more. And I just.. Feel like you should know something”

She stares at me silently for a moment, before gasping and gripping my hand tightly,

“Steve- are you dying?!” she says with anxiousness swelling in her voice and gleaming eyes. Wha.. what?  I tilt my head and raise one of my eyebrows,

“y/n, i’m not dying. I.. I think I love you” her eyes widen and she loosens her grip on my hand.

“Steve..?”

“y/n. I love you, so much. I need you to know that, and I need you to know that now. Tonight, so that even if you don’t return the feelings i’ll know that I at least told you” I lean closer to her, and grab onto her hand with a slight grip. “I wanted to ask you.. If-” I feel myself choke for a moment. I want her to be mine so badly, I want her to return these feelings and to let me protect her. I gulp down my nerves, “I wanted to ask you if you’d be okay with going on a date with me..?” I see her expression relax and her shoulders slump down, she gives me a warm smile.

“My walking hair gel..” she chuckles and rolls her eyes playfully, “I mean- Steve.. Of course I’d go on a date with you”

I feel my heart skip a solid 3 beats. I smile brightly and grasp onto her hand tighter, “Really?” I ask, with disbelief. She laughs and nods, God, that beautiful laugh.

“Yes, Steve. I’d love to.. I actually can’t believe you’d ask me..” she says, blushing an intense shade of pink. I smile and practically feel the joy oozing out of me, I lean closer to her and bring her hand up to my chest.

“y/n.. Can.. can I kiss you..?” I brush loose strands of hair away from her eyes. She smiles and nods a small nod. I lean closer to her and kiss her gently. Her face is warm and I feel my heart burst at the seam with pure joy. She leans away after a moment and smiles warmly,

“y/n.. I love you”

“I love you too, Steve. So… does that mean you’ll buy my popcorn if we go to a movie as a date?”

“What?” I raise my eyebrow and smirk, “is that all this is to you? You only want my popcorn money?” I say acting as if i’m offended.

“Pffft! No~ Steve I was kidding stop~”

I chuckle and kiss her forehead, “I know.. y/n… I love you”

Constructive  criticism is appreciated! Let us know what you think! :) xx  

Tag List: @devintagekids @beautifulbri26 @jems8241 @suzumebailey

ASTRO HALLOWEEN

A/N: My first Astro fic! Ugh what door have I just opened for myself. I hope to try writing more oneshots to get back into the habit of writing. Kinda debating making a part two of this for the “party” they mention. Anyways as always this is fiction and should not be reflected on the boys in any way. Hope you enjoy! 

I"I swear to god Bin if you try to steal Sanha’s candy one more time I will turn this car around and drop you off at home!“

“But Jinwoo-hyung I’m the joker.  I’m supposed to be his enemy. I’m just playing my role by stealing his candy.” Moonbin made another move to lean across Dongmin and steal candy out of Sanha’s pumpkin bucket, causing the younger to let out high pitched screams. Jinwoo was really about to turn around before Dongmin managed to get Bin to stop. Right in time too, as Minhyuk had been prepared to launch himself across the seat to protect Sanha’s treasured sweets.  

Jinwoo let out a sigh of frustration. The youngest four were all currently seated in the back of his car and they had not been able to go even ten minutes before someone started screaming. They were all college students so they really should be able to behave themselves, but they had all been friends for years so Jinwoo knew not to expect much.

I mean look at them, they were a bunch of college kids out trick-or-treating!

The fact that they were all practically on each other’s lap back there may also have had something to do with the amount of arguing.  

Myungjun gently patted Jinwoo’s thigh as some form of consolation, barely even able to attempt speaking before more arguing could be heard from Bin and Minhyuk. The two complaining that they were being pushed up against the car doors.  

“Yah! Stop complaining! We are supposed to be having fun!” Myungjun yelled as he turned around in his seat.

“Tell Dongmin to move his big butt over!” Minhyuk retaliated.

“Hey! It’s not that big…”

“Yes it is.” Bin said matter-of-factly.  

Dongmin hid his face in his hands in a poor attempt to hide his blush. Meanwhile Sanha stared at his lap, thinking the situation over.

“Hyungs….maybe we should just go home.” Sanha mumbled as he made eye contact with Jinwoo in the rearview mirror.  

Myungjun turned back around in his seat and looked at Jinwoo expectantly, awaiting his decision. The only reason they were even out here was for Sanha. Well, for Minhyuk too, but mostly Sanha. The two had expressed sadness over not being able to do anything for Halloween with their families together like they used too. It was their first year of college, the other four having entered college earlier. All of them were too far from home for a quick visit, and the holiday had fallen on a weekday this year anyway. Myungjun had decided last minute that they should all paint their faces and head out into the small town to celebrate Halloween ‘correctly’. It was a bit weird, but it was worth it to see how happy it made the maknaes, though Minhyuk would never admit it aloud. He didn’t need to anyways, his reserved nature melting away in favor of acting like the big dork they all knew he truly was.  

The locals had initially seemed a bit put off in seeing two adult men walking up to their homes along with the children to beg for candy, but after seeing how absolutely excited they looked they couldn’t help but give them at least something. The eldest four simply watched them from the sidewalk, standing among the parents. They weren’t in it for the candy, well Bin had wanted to but he was denied seeing as how he had already purchased several bags of candy for himself earlier that day.  

They were doing this for their friends. The two youngest were still trying to get used to being away from home. They had seemed so gloomy a mere two hours ago when they were all in Jinwoo and Myunjun’s shared apartment watching scary movies. They hadn’t seemed this excited all semester.  

So no. Jinwoo was not about to take them back to their apartment complex.  

“No Sanha, we’re already out here. And Myungjun-hyung already painted our faces, so let’s just head over to the next part of town and keep tick-or-treating, okay?”

“Okay…” The response was quiet, but the smile was evident in Sanha’s voice and that made it worth it to Jinwoo. Everyone was quiet after that, trying to keep the mood light.

“Well,” Minhyuk began, “Hyung actually forgot to paint his face. He just looks like his normal self.”  

“Listen here you brat, I’ll let you get away with that because in insinuates that I’m funny since I’m a clown.” Myungjun huffed from his seat, but it was obvious the joke was meant to be lighthearted.  

“Why are we all something scary-ish besides Jinwoo-hyung?” Dongmin asked, ever observant.  

“Because he is pure unlike the rest of you little shits.” Myungjun retorted while patting Jinwoo’s head like the puppy he currently was. “I made you into a makeshift Jigsaw because you’re really manipulative and cunning when you want to be and it’s honestly scary.” The statement earned him a glare but everyone else still agreed.  

The rest of the night thankfully held much less bickering and much more happiness. Well, except when Minhyuk would accidentally scare the small children because of his skull painted face. Both he and Sanha actually managed to get their buckets filled with candy, and Bin actually left them alone after Dongmin promised to buy him a bag of candy tomorrow on clearance. It was still early but it was clear they were getting tired from walking around several neighborhoods. So they headed back to their apartment complex to continue their scary movie marathon. This time Dongmin sat in bin’s lap in the back seat, “Since my butt is apparently too big.” He claimed. Sanha joked the same option to Minhyuk, since his own tall stature would lead him to be crushed against the hood of the car much like Dongmin currently was (though he definitely didn’t seem to be complaining), and was surprised when Minhyuk actually did move to sit on him. Turned out it was mostly to crush Sanha under his weight. Dancing constantly leads to some pretty heavy muscles. Myungjun still turned around in his seat once again to tell them all to keep it PG. Their responses were to all yell different iterations of how it wasn’t anything like that followed by very unconvinced utterances from him and Jinwoo.  

They didn’t even get through one whole movie back at the apartment. Jinwoo and Myungun having fallen alseep leaning on each other about thirty minutes into it. Dongmin and Bin weren’t far behind, though Dongmin fell asleep curled in Bin’s lap, Dongmin claiming his butt was too big to share on the couch now too apparently. No one mentioned how the couch had easily fit all four of them before. Sanha and Minhyuk were seated on the floor, eating and trading their candies. Minhyuk turned around to make sure the others were all still sleeping before speaking.

“I can’t believe they did that for us.” He whispered as he leaned in towards the other.

“I know! The plan was to get them to buy us candy and maybe go to a university event or something. Our hyungs love us so much! I kinda feel bad for tricking them now…” Sanha mumbled before stuffing another chocolate into his mouth. He promised Dongmin he wouldn’t eat too many, but it was easier to get away with it now that he was sleeping.  

“First off, it was your idea–”

“But you–”

“Shhhhh! You’re going to wake them up! And second, we didn’t lie. We just…fluffed up the truth. It was really nice that we all went trick-or-treating like we used to years ago.” Minhyuk admitted, not looking the other in the eye.  

“Aw hyung!” Sanha giggled.

“Shut up! Not a word to the others or I’ll tell them about that stunt you pulled in the car. Myungjun might think Dongmin is the manipulative one, but I know better. Your innocence doesn’t fool me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure Sanha. Sure.”  

When the movie ended Minhyuk went about making sure everyone woke up and went to their respective beds. They still had classes tomorrow so everyone needed their rest. They didn’t have to go very far, they all lived on the same floor of the complex. Dongmin, though barely awake, still managed to scold Sanha for eating too much candy and made sure to remind him to brush his teeth. Sanha merely reminded him that he was an adult™. He still had to be reminded to do so later by Minhyuk.

As they walked down the hall to their own apartment Sanha suddenly had an interesting thought. “Hyung, do you believe in soulmates?”

Minhyuk would deny even years later that he choked on his own spit at that very moment. “W-wha? I mean why are you asking?”

“I just mean…like soul mates, but for friends? Friend soul mates!”

“Oh…?”

“Ah, that sounds dumb doesn’t it? Sorry.”

“No! It doesn’t sound dumb. I’m just not sure where you’re going with this.”

“We’ve just all been through a lot, and really care about one another and wow this is getting weirdly sentimental. I just feel like I see everyone else change friends a lot through the years, but we always managed to stick together! I like that.” Sanha continued before unlocking the front door.  

“What about romantic soulmates?” Minhyuk hadn’t really meant to voice the question, it was an inner thought that had slipped out. Thankfully Sanha didn’t seem put off, or surprised, by the question.

“I think people can be romantic and friend soulmates at the same time! Who says there are rules anyways?” The two boys smiled at each other before moving into their apartment to go about their nightly routines.

New message in groupchat: “The one without the children”

MJ: I told you guys they were lying!

Eunwoo: I’m the one that said that….

Moonbin: But did you hear what they were saying in the hall?! We’re soulmates guys…

Eunwoo: Binnie are you crying?

Moonbin: …

Moonbin: yes

Jinjin: It’s ok MJ is crying too

MJ: L I A R

Jinjin: Shut up and come to bed

MJ: N O

Moonbin: Dat’s gay

Jinjin: Bruh we’re all gay.  

Moonbin: SinCE WHEN?!

MJ: SINCE I SENSED JINJIN’S BIRTH

Jinjin: …wtf

MJ: So are any of you saying that you’re not gay?  

Moonbin: *raises hand*

Eunwoo: WHAT

MJ: L I E S

Moonbin: I’m bi

MJ: Ohhhh! Guys we should have one big coming out party for just ourselves!

Jinjin: No.  

MJ: 🙁

Jinjin: …fine

Eunwoo: We don’t even know if the other two are gay!

MJ: You’re joking right?

Eunwoo: Obviously.  

Prompt: Theme I: Reverse

Length: 1′752

Notes: Holy shit, I finished!! ... Part 1. Might do part 2 with another prompt, might never do a part 2... for now this is all. Obviously, I screwed with the timeline or Ed wouldn’t be that old in this story, but I always wanted to know how that kind of AU could end up, when I was the one writing it. It’s horrible - but it’s worth it. I also hinted on some things, which might be explained in a part two - or not. God, I’m tired. Wanna write something with Truth or Pride as next...

He remembers his teacher's unforgiving, cold words and instructions. His passion and hate for alchemy and the military.

This isn't the correct decision, he knows.

But he also remembers a woman with blond hair, that cooked him meals, listened to what he had to tell, despite being a mere child. How she would pat his head and make sure he had a break in between his whole studying.

And when he thinks of her burnt back, and the ashes that used to be a mansion, he knows it's the best choice he could make.

That's why he accepts the offer from the man with the golden hair.

"You passed." Are the first words, which Roy hears once he enters the office.

He smirks arrogantly at the man behind the desk. He knew he would pass, after all his fire alchemy is rare, and people in the military wouldn't pass the chance to use him for their own, just like the man behind the desk.

"Though they gave you a rather ironic name, if I might say so."

With these words the colonel hands him an envelope, and Roy opens it, a bit curious as to what is written on its content.

"... Flame Alchemist?"

"Mhm," the other nods, and then tales out a box from one of the desk's drawers. He opens it and a silver watch lays in it.

"Congratulations, Flame. You are now a dog of the military."

Roy likes to pretend he understands the bittersweet smile, Colonel Edward Elric wore on that day.

  The first thing he does after getting his watch and being dismissed, is to go to his aunt's brothel and talk with Riza, who spends a lot of time nowadays waiting there for him.

He shows her the watch and he wants to tell her about the colonel's words, but then he notices her rather tired expression and decides to talk about dogs, because they are awesome.

And not because it makes the woman, who is like a big sister to him, smile. Definitely not.

  Roy learns fast, that Colonel Elric is not an usual military member. He doesn’t care about ranks, and he doesn’t play nice. Though whenever he comments how rude the colonel is with his underhanded insults, Havoc or Breda laugh at him and Falman smirks. Even Fuery finds Roy’s words hilarious somehow.

Once he asks them why they are laughing. He doesn’t expect the answer he gets.

“Because,” Havoc says, taking a cigarette out, “Boss used to directly insult people in his earlier years.”

It’s the first time he looks at Colonel Elric and wonders. Wonders what else he doesn’t know.

He finds out, that there’s a shitton of things he doesn’t know about his commanding officer.

At first Roy only joined the military, to protect Riza and himself from any kind of harm. After all, for all he knew, Elric could have told the authorities about Roy and his alchemy.

But slowly, he realizes that Edward Eric isn’t that kind of person and he starts to try and learn about his commanding officer.

Edward Elric is that kind of person, who always has bags under his eyes and looks tired, but never seems to sleep or take naps.

Edward Elric is that kind of person, who teases him countless, but pats his head whenever he does a mission well and even buys him (and the others in the office) something to eat occasionally.

Edward Elric is that kind of person, who takes cats into to the office when it rains, and ignores everyone’s looks, as said cats climb on him, when he does his paperwork.

Roy doesn’t get Edward Elric, not anymore.

After a while of being in the military, Roy takes interest in the legends and tales of the Philosopher’s stone. And with it, human transmutation. He knows it’s wrong and he doesn’t plan to try it (even though it’s so, so tempting). So, he goes and tells the colonel about it.

For some minutes it’s silent, but then Elric looks up, directly into his eyes, and Roy can see thousands of things in those rare golden eyes, but he doesn’t understand a thing about it.

“You… you don’t plan on doing it?”

Roy wants to scoff and say, “Who do you think I am? Of course not!” But when he looks into those eyes, something in his aches and he feels guilty for asking. There is an aura of sadness around the colonel and it’s breaking Roy, piece for piece.

“No, sir… it’s really only for the Philosopher’s stone.”

The colonel only looks at him for some minutes more, before he stares away and sighs (he sounds so, so old, and it’s not the first time Roy wonders how old the other is. He might be short, but he’s a colonel).

“Ok… I might be able to help you.”

And that’s how Roy meets Shou Tucker and Nina Tucker.

One day, when it’s late and the officers go home, Roy sees how the colonel doesn’t move to pack his things as well.

“Colonel?”

“I’m staying behind, Flame.”

And Roy is surprised. Doesn’t the colonel need to rest as well? Isn’t his family waiting for him. He asks him that, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“I won’t catch sleep anyway and my family lives a bit far away.”

“Far away? Where?”

“Resembool.”

As Roy leaves the office he wonders.

The next morning, he comes earlier in than the others and he sees the colonel sitting on a couch drinking… milk. Though the look he gives the milk, brings up a new question.

“Do you even like milk?”

“No.” Comes the immediate answer.

“Why are you drinking it then?”

“… In the hope that I grow healthy.”

“… I doubt that. Everyone tells me you have always been this short. That’s probably not going to change.” But even as Roy says those words to the other, he knows that the colonel didn’t mean it like that.

“…Brat.”

He still can’t believe a father would do that to his own daughter, but here is, standing before Tucker’s mansion, surrounded by military officers talking about two dead bodies. A chimera and a human.

Roy can’t bring himself to cry, he already did that, and now he’s just tired. Then he hears footsteps, and turns around to look at the colonel standing before him, tired eyes like always (a bit more tired than usual) and staring at Roy.

Roy wants to say something – no, to scream, to shout at that colonel. They could have helped her somehow, he was sure of it. But then the colonel steps nearer to him, and lays a hand on the back of his head and pulls Roy into a hug.

And Roy remembers – on the first day he saw Nina outside the mansion. He remembers how she ran at the colonel who caught her and spun her around in the air and smiled at her.

He also remembers how on some days, the colonel would be getting him for his drive home, instead of Havoc and suddenly Roy understands Edward Elric a bit better.

The colonel doesn’t want this either, wants to grieve as well – but here he is, cheering Roy up instead.

The colonel always knows what Roy is doing, where he is and where he hides, so that he won’t have to write his reports – it’s irritating, but he is curious as well.

How does he know that all?

He asks the others, but no one has an idea – with the exception of one person.

Maes Hughes, a member of the Investigations Office and apparently (if he believes everyone else of Elric’s team) the colonels… caretaker?

“Do you know what they call Ed on the streets?”

Roy shakes his head.

“The People’s Alchemist – and that’s where he gets his information.”

Roy’s eyes widen as he realizes what Hughes just said. The people… but people don’t like the military. That’s what he tells Hughes.

“Ed doesn’t like the military as well. Ah, you should have seen him in his first years. You wouldn’t believe it – oh, wait! I think I have a photo with me!”

And Roy doesn’t know what he excepts, but it’s definitely not the young boy with the red coat and his hair worn in a braid, standing beside a huge-ass armor.

Red coat. Braid. Unbelievable eye color. Armor.

Fullmetal Alchemist, his mind whispers, but that can’t be – because that’s a little boy matching the description there. Younger than him, with his fifteen years.

“Hughes… how old was the colonel then?”

“He was 12, that’s the year he joined.”

Three years younger than himself, Roy realizes (now he really understands the bittersweet smile on his first day).

“And… now?”

“19, Edward is 19, Roy.”

And his heart is beating faster – and this doesn’t make sense.

“B-but… he is a colonel…”

“Yeah, and he was major when he was 12 – there was a war, Roy.”

Hughes’ words are spoken soft and Roy, for the first time, really sees the colonel behind that desk, in that little office and he wonders.

Roy snips his fingers and creates fire.

Roy helps people.

Roy saves people.

And they start to whisper and mutter things like, “Another People’s Alchemist!!” or “Just like Edward!”

He only looks away, and doesn’t react (his mind is filled with thoughts of 12 years old kid standing in his place).

And one day – it’s unexpected – he doesn’t know what to do. It’s raining and he obviously can’t use his gloves. For a moment he worries, but then he hears the opening of doors and looks behind him, where Havoc’s car stands. Edward and the car’s owner step out and walk to him.

It’s when Edward pats his head, and tells him, “Good job, Roy” that he realizes why exactly he was placed under Edward’s care (after all he went through it all, and would know how to handle Roy, with his young age).

It’s when Edward shields him, with standing before him, that Roy meets the Fullmetal Alchemist for the first time.

He only needs to clap – to clap – and buildings and ground move.

It’s pure destruction and in the middle, stands a short man with golden hair, golden eyes and an arm made out of metal.

Suddenly, Roy doesn’t find it that hard to believe that Edward is colonel with only 19 years old anymore.

He tells that Riza and his aunt.

92 truths

my babe laney over at @hardliquorhaz tagged me. 

THE LAST… 1. Drink: Diet Pepsi 2. Phone call: My co-worker 
3. Text message: "YOU WILL ACTUALLY NOT SURVIVE” to my friend who is seeing Hamilton tonight 4. Song you listened to: burn break crash by aanysa and snakehips 5. Time you cried: tuesday? i think. earlier this week ‘cause of work tho.

HAVE YOU EVER…
 6. Dated someone twice: i’ve made bad decisions, but never that one praise jesus hallelujah  7. Been cheated on: let’s not talk about it😐 8. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes 
9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: yes 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: more than once 🤷‍♀️ LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: purple, peach, pink


IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…
 15. Made new friends: so many 🤗 16. Fallen out of love: neverrr 17. Laughed until you cried: very often 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes 😂 19. Met someone who changed you: i don’t think so 20. Found out who your true friends are: no 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes  
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them 23. Do you have any pets: no ☹️ 24. Do you want to change your name: nah, it’s a real hassle and i’ll never do it again 25. What did you do for your last birthday: got drunk at noon with my bestie, fell asleep on her couch, played mario kart with our lovers, ate lasagna and cupcakes.  
26. What time did you wake up: 5:30 😐 
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep 
28. Name something you cannot wait for: my week long vacation!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mother: october 
30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how much i care about things/people that don’t care about me


31. What are you listening to right now: never forget you by zara larsson and MNEK 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the way i get put in the middle of work situations 34. Most visited website: my company’s website 35. Elementary: 🎓 36. High School: 🎓 37. College/university: 🎓 38. Hair colour: blonde 💁🏼
 39. Long or short hair: short but i’m so ready for it to be long again 😩 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nah 41. What do you like about yourself: my imagination 42. Piercings: ears 43. Blood type: whatever the universal donor is, i think
 44. Nickname: kasi 45. Relationship status: occupado 
 46. Zodiac sign: capricorn ♑️ 47. Pronouns: she/her
 48. Favourite TV show: i just finished big little lies and O M G it was so good!!
 49. Tattoos: no but i’m thinking about it!! 
50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST…
 51. Surgery: corrective jaw when i was 15 
52. Piercing: ears
 54. Sport: t-ball. i was actually good at it, but my mom made me stop because she was afraid i’d get hit in the face and have more teeth issues. (a valid concern because i am often hit in the face) 55. Vacation: i don’t know, we travel a lot 56. Pair of trainers: probs some velcro 57. Eating: i had pizza for dinner 
 58. Drinking: now it’s water 59. I’m about to: answer another ask 
60. Listening to: pillowtalk LMAO DRAG ME 😂 it came on my youtube mix ok 61. Waiting for: the desire to write 
62. Want: a house 63. Get married: check 64. Career: lmao fuck if i know. can i just go back to school forever?

YOUR TYPE… 
65. Hugs or kisses: kissies
 66. Lips or eyes: lips 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: older #cradlerobme 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms 😩 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive, i’m loud enough for everyone 72. Hook up or relationship: porque no los dos 
73. Troublemaker or Hesitant: hesitant, i make enough trouble on my own. 

HAVE YOU EVER… 
 74. Kissed a stranger?: yup.  75. Drank hard liquor?: i practically bathe in it.  76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: all the fucking time. 77. Turned someone down: yes, thank god.  78. Sex on first date: i mean, 
😅

79. Broken someone’s heart: probably, i’m mean. 80. Had your heart broken: yes 
81. Been arrested: noooo 82. Cried when someone died: yes 
83. Fallen for a friend: unfortunately

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 
 84. Yourself: depends on the day 85. Miracles: absolutely 
86. Love at first sight: a little bit, yeah 
87. Santa Claus: man i wish 88. Kiss on the first date: of course 89. Angels: sure why not


OTHER…
 90. Current best friend’s name: @hardliquorhaz I’M CLAIMING HER 91. Eye colour: blue 92. Favourite movie: the princess diaries. it shaped me as a person.

i’m tagging: @aqua-harry @stylesunchained @permanentcross @bribe-the-door @pammers86  @inwhichitrytowritesomething @cuddlemusclestyles @harryschancla @whoopsharrystyles @aggresivelyfriendly @hotpinkharry @beashplease @chrissy22787 @stylishmuser @overad @nips-and-tats @feministharrry and ANYONE ELSE WHO ACTUALLY READ ALL THIS!!! 

Eharmony

It features 22 male or female and tough luck orientation alternatives, so lots of bases will be coated. As you join the internet site you may have to take a compatibility quiz that’s genuinely quite a accomplishment. It is made up of 80 inquiries and completes in about 20 a few minutes to accomplish. https://topchristiandatingsites.com/ (Be prepared to response whether or not you like taking longer walks. ) But it will now hopefully lead to actually custom-made and suitable matches. The profile can easily have up to 26 images and you aren’t capable of select personal preferences for the sort of individual you are looking for.

If you subscribed to EliteSingles in years past, this isn’t the uncomfortable self-rating take a look at about sexiness and selfishness that you required earlier than. It only takes courting at least one person with fully different professional goals or spending habits to cause you to understand that a relationship cannot stay afloat upon romance upon it’s own. For those not willing to budge in relation to their very own companion’s educational values and fervour to get achievement, EliteSingles attempts to offer a extra established pool area than the wide nets that its oppositions forged.

Top quality A-List seems to have all of these choices plus you get a great computerized enhance to get your account seen throughout prime as well as you may check out everyone’s general public solutions to their questions. OkCupid is unquestionably mare like a liberal bending relationship application, so that you may well not discover what you’re searching for should you identify as traditional. The match ups questions are thought frightening and still have a tendency to result in having conversations regarding political concerns or environment views, but in addition your much-loved TV shows and types of music. The app demands you queries about subject areas you health care about, like if you’d consider your self a feminist.

Millennials who witness the data will burrow the Tumblr vibe and matchmaking that stays strongly related the times. Any time something like cigarette smoking is a deal breaker, you’ll be able to indicate that, too. That’s less difficult stated than carried out when your biggest dread is that a truthful answer — like the truth that you may not be almost as good of your communicator because you would like — will prevent “the one” from moving proper. Nonetheless deep straight down, you know that lying down on a compatibility questionnaire most probably won’t cause a wholesome relationship. Do we even need to get into so why Tinder can be an extended shot?

The lack of virtually any actual science behind the matches prior age and placement is a bummer, however not like Tinder, this will not imply you’ll be suffocated using a hookup character. Searching #wemetonHER on Instagram must be all the attractive, cute achievement story resistant that you simply want.

So concerns didn’t exercise with the individual you thought you’d be with forever? Give your self several area to heal sooner than looking for like once more — however go ahead and, do the hooking up that one can not do when you had been in a relationship. Each day, CMB provides seven of it is best fits for you, selected by your methods to prompts, how you will swiped about yesterday’s group, and that has already stated curiosity in you, also. Your bagels are constrained regardless of when you upgrade into a paid account, which in turn doesn’t deliver much previous a higher free of day by day likes. This small user base permits CMB to discover a handful of highly-suitable fits whilst you jump on together with your day time.

Bumble’s build up is good to getting discussions started rather than let matches take a seat idle just for weeks. The shitty issue about Tinder is that these types of premium features price extra for customers over 30 — the place they value $9. 99 per 30 days for people 29 and underneath, the cost goes as much as $19. 99 per month for folks 30 and older. Upgrading to Tinder Gold is an extra $4. ninety eight per thirty days no matter years. To start, you could take a personality test and then you certainly definitely’ll start receiving 3 to eight every day complements based mostly within your test and tastes you set yourself. You have even the option to filter by simply career if that is essential to you.

With a simple-to-use website and a large courting pool, obtaining love could be easier with Christian Mingle.

Now, this kind of data was printed with a web-based marriage web site, yet whether or not or perhaps not the statistic is definitely accurate, just about every doubt that instances happen to be changing.

Many on-line romance websites do not goal particular groups and usually enable and respect all types of relationship.

My spouse and i read somewhere that thirty percent of available singles meet their particular spouse online these days.

Popular Dating Sites Where Messages Is Cost-free

If you’re out of college, think about enrolling in a course or class of something that things to do you. Take an female or cooking food class, enroll in ballroom dancing lessons, or become a member of an athletic club staff. Do what pursuits you, as a result of right now there you’ll probably find those who are excited about a similar things. And similar passions are a fantastic commence to a romantic relationship. A recent statistic I reading reported that a lot of people meet their crucial different by means of friends and family.

Write a bio, answer a lot of questions about your self, and select attributes you desire (or do desire) within a companion and specify just how essential they’re. Setting up your profile requires a little little bit of time, nonetheless it’s certainly not some terribly lengthy course of. By the best way, if perhaps somebody will be demanding of energy and constantly pushing to satisfy up instantly, we wish to remind you that it must be OK in order to no .

Seeing over 65 means that, probably, this is your next or third attempt at like. When Meet or eharmony’s user bases still present too much of a by simply no means-married-with-no-youngsters masses, SilverSingles is here now to let you recognize that putting your self back out now there would not ought to be scary. SilverSingles is an effective decision for these with limited world wide web experience who have solely need to meet people their age. Preferences on smoking, consuming, and kids may be marked, placing parameters that may keep away from approach of life arguments in the future.

For anyone who is on the younger looking facet of the over forty crowd, Joint will in all probability become successful for you. That is certainly to not say that somebody to the older element can’t experience luck also, although.

#9 Online

EliteSingles has a volume of alternative strategies to find potential matches to be sure you’re seriously capable of actually finding someone proceeding click on with. There’s a common understanding that should you’re on EliteSingles, you are a working or retired competent looking to meet up with other specialists with very similar interests. The web site provides a more adult audience, with greater than 80 percent of customers being 40 or elderly with increased training. SilverSingles is a dating web site solely for folks 50 years or older, however do not get switched off by it is normally name.

Tham khảo bài viết gốc tại: Eharmony

source https://intheuthanhbinh.com/eharmony/

Experiencing a Lyme Disease Flare-Up After a Period of Good Health

New Post has been published on https://cialiscom.org/experiencing-a-lyme-disease-flare-up-after-a-period-of-good-health.html

Experiencing a Lyme Disease Flare-Up After a Period of Good Health

Following far more than six decades of debilitating signs and symptoms, which includes two and a fifty percent yrs of an intensive extensive-time period remedy, I commenced emotion very good. Not just a lot less poor, but actually good. I experienced neglected what it felt like to come to feel regular: to wake up feeling rested, to make it by the working day without a migraine, to physical exercise without rigorous pain, to study a ebook, to satisfy a friend for meal, to go to course, to have a task.

In the image higher than, I am satisfied, carefree, out in the sunlight without having a migraine from light-weight sensitivity, just enjoying a vacation.

My medical professionals had told me that even while it was taking much lengthier than anticipated for my treatment to work, I would get superior. I would be cured. Lastly, I started off to believe them. I felt great! A doctor last but not least explained a part of my entire body as “normal, younger and healthier.” I begun eagerly, hungrily, picturing a potential unhampered by illness. I received energized. I got my hopes up.

Right after just about a few blissful months of usual health and fitness, I started out having problems yet again. It came on gradually – just about every couple days, then every other working day, then each and every day. When the migraines flared, so did the fibromyalgia, exhaustion, brain fog and other cognitive deficits.

I panicked.

I restarted procedure, introducing one more medicine on prime of the antimalarials and antibiotics composing my typical cure “pulses.” 4 times later on, I am lying in mattress, flattened by the most intense Jarsich-Herxheimer reaction I have expert in nearly two decades. For all those unfamiliar with the dreaded “herxing”: essentially, as the Lyme and Bartonella micro organism are killed by antibiotics, they struggle back again, and I get ill. Authentic unwell.

At times, battling continual illness feels like dragging myself, tooth and nail, by each and every day, only to eliminate my grip and slide back to wherever I started. From time to time it feels like using just one phase ahead and two measures back. Basically, like limping just one action ahead, then remaining flattened by an 18-wheeler and bulldozed again to square 1. But that is a tiny melodramatic.

I have expert the wild fluctuations prior to, but this time is tougher. I truly considered that the worst times were being behind me, that I would at last be ready to transfer on and stay the lifetime I want, not the one dictated for me by my serious disease. In the previous 7 days, my goals of grad faculty, a job and a household of my possess have flickered and pale. My potential is as soon as again unsure, in a quite distinct way from other 22-yr-olds’. I’m possessing a genuinely really hard time wrapping my head all around this. What if I’m ill permanently?

I’ve put in the past few times reflecting, alternating in a psychological tug-of-war involving hysterics and rationale. I have clawed my way out of terrible intervals of sick health just before, and the imagined of obtaining to struggle like that again scares and exhausts me. What if this is the rest of my life? It’s not good!

But, at the similar time, I have been via this before, and I have survived. I may be getting rid of the fight, but I am successful the war. Via my past fights, I have made the weapons of grit and resilience. In addition to my loved ones, I have recruited a squadron of close good friends who guard my weak sides, no make a difference what. I have a struggle prepare, based on my past experiences: I know what is coming, and I can strategically build up my defenses in advance. I’m ready.

In the earlier six many years, I have uncovered the energy of cognitive reframing as a coping system. Basically, I just can’t command my circumstance, but I can command how I answer to it. What’s the worst that can materialize? I’m ill forever. Ok, fantastic. Say I never ever get better. I still have a potent perception of reason and people who like me unconditionally. If I can hardly ever keep down a comprehensive-time work, I can volunteer and do the job aspect-time. I can get the job done remotely. If I can’t get the Ph.D. I want to satisfy my objective of aiding children with long-term illness, I can discover other means to offer guidance and aid based mostly on my personal ordeals.

So, matters will not work out exactly how I prepared. Which is mainly genuine for all people. And if almost nothing else, continual ailment has taught me that some of the very best encounters in existence happen when the prepare falls to you-know-what.

The working day-to-day wrestle with discomfort and adversity is disheartening. But in the large photo, it does not have to detract from the high quality of my daily life. It could possibly be in just a distinctive body of reference, but I continue to get to come to a decision who I am and what my everyday living will be. And is not that all that any of us, irrespective of wellbeing, can talk to for?

(perform()(window._fbq=[])jQuery(operate()setTimeout(purpose()if(!_fbq.loaded)var fbds=doc.createElement('script')fbds.async=truefbds.src="http://connect.fb.internet/en_US/fbds.js"var s=doc.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]s.parentNode.insertBefore(fbds,s)_fbq.loaded=legitimate_fbq.push(['addPixelId','444287545732365']),2000)))()window._fbq=window._fbq||[]window._fbq.thrust(['track','PixelInitialized',])window.tmFBAppId='452322301560633'window.tmFBAsyncInit=window.tmFBAsyncInit||[]window.tmFBAsyncInit.push(functionality()FB.Event.subscribe('edge.create',perform(url,factor)jQuery.cookie("hasLiked",1,'expires':60)))window.fbAsyncInit=operate()FB.init(appId:'452322301560633',cookie:true,xfbml:legitimate,edition:'v2.9')FB.AppEvents.logPageView()if(window.tmFBAsyncInit.force)var ifor(i in window.tmFBAsyncInit)window.tmFBAsyncInit[i]()FB.Occasion.subscribe('comment.create',purpose(reaction)var api_host=''api_host='https://api.themighty.com'var publish_id=$(".post-merchandise:eq()").data("put up-id")response['post_id']=article_idresponse['item']='fb_remark_plugin'response['action']='add_comment'response['channel']='Facebook Comment'response['post_url']=$(".write-up-merchandise:eq()").data("url")var context="path":'post_feed.null.story_card_full.remark_module',"look at":"name":"put up_feed",,"part":"name":"recommended_tales",,"card":"identify":"story_card_whole","module":"name":"remark_module"reaction['context']=contextresponse['object']='name':'comment','type':'textarea','purpose':'engagement'observe_to_smyte('add_comment',reaction))(purpose(d,s,id)var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]if(d.getElementById(id))returnjs=d.createElement(s)js.id=idjs.src="http://connect.fb.internet/en_US/sdk.js"fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs)(document,'script','facebook-jssdk')) Supply link