#i make myself miserable
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#jegulus#vyn does art#average gay people playing piano#i make myself miserable#why why why#lighting study <3#marauders#marauders fanart#regulus black#regulus black fanart#james potter#sunseeker#starchaser#harry potter
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change that violent mood to violent nausea :)
#i stress myself out so badly#like what the christ bro#i make myself miserable#and there’s no reason for any of it
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I really should be smart and not stay up reading the Power Rangers comics or finishing S3 of Mighty Morphin since I have to be up super early in the morning and be at work at 10 AM
But when has something like that ever stopped me?
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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“Wishes”
little comic based on that one line Sonic might say when it rains in Frontiers. (you know the one).
#in frontiers sonic will randomly say the corniest shit ever and i'm here for it#anyways i wanted to have this done for valentines and failed miserably#i love making comics like these but they take so long to do and with uni i barely have time for myself#but hey its done and i think it looks nice#sth#sonic frontiers#sonic frontiers spoilers#amy rose#sonic the hedgehog#sonamy#fluff#rain#fan comic#rosy the rascal#classic sonic#my art#my sonic art#queerplatonic
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thinking about little chip & arlin before the horrors happened... OUGH
#I do like making myself so miserable thinking about chip jrwi#HE'S DEAD ALMOST GONE at least give him back his father figure that he's been searching for for the past decade#or I will politely explode#once again i am taking emotional damage#ow#owie#ough#jrwi riptide#just roll with it#jrwi#jrwi fanart#jrwi chip#jrwi arlin#arlin james#digital art#sketches
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snf sob... his favorite regular... wailing in the club rn
#ive never drawn a sheet before. much less a sheet covered caterpillar! it shows!#MANNNN THESE TWO AUGH#thank you halloween record for the crumbs. im sated <3#the fact that he Barged past sally gave me the image of him lightly tackling barnaby#bro had to pick up some Speed his legs were Goin#at some point i may clean up the og base sketch and make a non-halloween-costume version#because! your honor! i love them!#scribble garnish#laughingstock#barnaby x howdy#howdy x barnaby#welcome home#i was gonna try to make it more ~ambiguous~ and non shippy and then my hand slipped and they're both blushing now oops#i tell myself 'be normal about them' and i Fail Miserably
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c]:^) <— do you like his hat? Silly little cowboy!
#im not fucking animating the static this has 200 frames for correct pacing URGHHHH...#me when i#me when i enjoy making art for myself and other people#GRRRHHHGGGGGGGHHKJNMUHYHGDTI#if you see mistakes NO YO U DONT#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#most miserable sopping wet excuse of an addison#if there was something to hear you would get a description
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is it really a crush if u don’t have their merch ???
bonus below cut
its mutual ^-^
#transformers#maccadam#megatron#skywarp#starscream#thundercracker#megawarp#i broke my hand doing these btw#the first three specifically#there was an alt version but i ended up not liking it#so i had to Redo it completely#luckily i hadn’t gotten to lining the Merch section otherwise i think i would’ve given up#maybe doing more megawarp stuff ??? if i’m in the mood to make myself miserable trying to figure out what to draw#it’s hard :( . i want to provide for the ship but literally only bc so few people are doing it#i am so very bad at drawing relationship stuff
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half-doomed; it only gets better when it hurts
dance miserable [2011] | so much (for) stardust [2023]
#guess who has been listening to soul punk recently#fobedit#fall out boy#patrick stump#soul punk#pete wentz#so much (for) stardust#dance miserable#it's like...the band got so much better but the world got worse#sometimes the world gets better and you get worse and sometimes you feel better and the world feels worse#i love the world i just don't love the way it makes me feel etc#idk if this makes sense to anyone including myself but. i tried#smfs#sm(f)s#my stuff
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On the string propaganda
Heeellll yeah
Bestie is an entire PLACE
I look at those guys and let me tell you the soul of that thing ain't just in the puppet, it's in all the neurons carrying the thoughts and emotions, it's in the power rails that serve as the heart. All the memories in the memory conflux and all the numbers we see flicker across displays, the flux condensers, the puppet; a little avatar.
No way these massive machines see life the same way we do. They have their own experiences and senses and things they hold dear. A world we can't imagine, a way of living we couldn't even comprehend.
I could never tear an iterator apart to be just a puppet. Who am I to decide how's life supposed to be enjoyed or perceived?
You treat your creechurs however you want- I ain't gonna dictate that. But damn, hearing the thrums and buzzes of the linear systems rail? They are alive with so much power, these mechanical beasts are exactly what they should be.
#sorry im just a really passionate on the string believer#you cant tell me that these massive structures kilometers wide capable of things we cant even image would look at something thats#thats comparable to a speck of dust and be like#yes i would like to rid myself of practically my entire body to be that tiny#this aint no “if i were a supercomputer i'd be sad i couldnt see the sky like i do now”#thats only because you have something to compare it to#if i were to suddenly loose everything to be just some microscopic creature i'd be miserable but only because i know what im loosing#id be loosing the ability to think like i do now id be loosing the ability to enjoy the things i do now#i dont know what life is like as a microscopic creature but i wouldnt be willing to give up my life as i know it now#and i think with iterators are the same#just how different is their life from ours and what things can they see that we are missing out on?#give up everything comfortable and known and for what??#to feel the sun? they absolutely have various temperature sensors#see the sky? those overseers were made to see things those visuals are in 4k#other animal comforts?? what about computer comforts??#what makes a lil creature happy may not necessary make a massive supercomputer happy#sorry big rant in the tags um just wanna say this is no hate to anyone who wants their creatures off the string#these are fictional beings and you do whatever makes you happy take them off the string set them loose yess enjoy little robots running#around be happy i love reading ya alls off the string shenanigans#rain world#iterator#drawins#oc veil of dreams#rw talk#rain world oc#iterator oc
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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sorry i couldn't not make it
#i know it's not that funny but i make myself giggle hee hee <3#sorry for the constant stupid meme spam but i'm too busy to do anything else#my art#les mis#javert#les miserables#inspector javert
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quick n easy list of gentle coping mechanisms for bad mental health days / neurodivergent understimulation episodes!! some are more applicable to one or the other but when i'm feeling particularly like a tiger in a too-small enclosure i find doing at least a couple of these things helps me so much
drink water. basic, but annoyingly effective
eat a snack. same as above
stretch! even just some laying down stretches like pulling on your arms and knees (in fact, here's a great tiktok series for "depression stretches" and workouts/physical stimulation you can do laying down/without much movement)
music/podcasts/video essays. your favorite playlist you haven't listened to in a while, a podcast you like/have been meaning to start (i listen to podcasts while i'm drawing!)
draw/color! if you don't wanna draw, a coloring book is always fun. i actually prefer kids' ones.
read a book. i prefer physical books bc i know i'll get sucked back into the social media scrolling for hours if i try to read on my phone. i also recommend a nice tea/hot chocolate/juice with this one.
video games. this can be anything from minecraft to destiny 2, but i usually never give myself time for these, even when i have it (stuck in that phone scrolling). a more action-packed game for mental understimulation, maybe a more mellow one for a bad depression episode.
shower. i am fully aware this tends to take a lot of spoons but even just sitting under running water ALWAYS makes me feel better when i can manage it. it also helps me with adhd overstimulation!
clean/organize. this sounds counterintuitive but i actually do enjoy organizing stuff for understimulation, and cleaner workspaces help with the depression. even if it's something as simple as "put all the pencils on the desk back into the pencil cup."
puzzles/brain games. this one is almost exclusively for mental understimulation but once i get going it makes my depression SO MUCH BETTER, TOO. my niche is getting myself some algebra sheets but this can be anything from math to jigsaws to crosswords to word searches!! some kind of problem solving that engages your brain and requires focus. this one is my favorite because i find it really grounding.
playing an instrument. this is in the same vein as the last one! again, my personal niche is the piano, but this could be any sort of thing. in fact this could even be substituted for some kind of alt hobby all together, like knitting or crocheting or something! again, mostly for understimulation, but gives me the serotonin boost to get through the depression stuff as well.
this is all i have for my list, but i'd love for anyone to reblog and add their own stuff!!
#mine#long post#mental health#mental illness#adhd#adhd resources#neurodivergent#neurodivergent resources#i have been having. such a bad sad last few days and im actually SO angry about how miserable ive been feeling that i decided#to make this whole list for myself and hang it up on my desk just so i have something to do besides the endless social media/tv scrolling#and i hope this helps someone!!!!! i would really appreciate if you guys would reblog this#no pressure or anything but. if it helps
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I love you when we haven’t talked in weeks and months I love you when I have 12 unread messages I love you when im not in the mood to talk. We’re still friends even when we spend time apart
#it’s like delayed parallel play to me.. or perhaps sending letters in the mail#when I wrote this it’s because I have this thing that is like. having too much of a good thing#like if I talk to someone and love them too much I burn out.. does that make sense?? is that a universal experience???#so sometimes when I have to spend time by myself I don’t stop loving my friends I think#especially because when I burn out I feel miserable for no reason and my brain comes up with ways to hate people#like oh they’re probably spending time with other ppl you’re disposable.. they probably forgot about you#one time I thought that if my friends were getting married they’d forget to invite me and it became a fear I’m trying to get over#but the answer I came up with is to keep reminding people I exist to stay present in their lives#even if it’s not as often as I can manage or would like. idk#yapping#feelings
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darkraiiiiii
#art#i was brewing up a complicated picture in my head too many factors intermingling and i put a requirement on myself that i would need to#feel a certain mood to create said picture cuz only then would it feel good and true but it was an impossible to achieve mood#and it made me miserable for a week i went to bed as soon as possible everyday to skip to the next one but today i woke up at 2am#and thought well maybe i should just draw something simple that i like it doesnt have to be high concept#so its just darkrai!!!! cuz its such a cooly! and its made out of shapes ive enjoyed drawing recently#smoking fire plumelike stuff u kno...#and i got to try out the spraypaint thing again cuz there was stuff i realized i coulda done better after the red 3 head hybrid pic#so i wanted to do it again. do u like these- with the spraypaint rendering? i will make more of them no matter what u say#but im about to go to bed now. i started the pic at 11am and finished at 8pm so 9hrs spent?! well the stenciling takes a long while in pain#i did the spraying in ms paint again and then composited it in paint net like usually.#also im typing much because the combination of coffee (which i try to make special and rare for me so it hits more cutely)#+ the euphoria that drawing gives me makes me talkative. but now.- ! im tired !! goodnight#pokemon#darkrai
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