#i lied this has been in the drafts for months and i just finished it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loguetowns · 1 year

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the one that (almost) got away

roronoa zoro x fem!reader

it takes him 12 hours to realize

3.6k words

a/n: ok listen, i think i started writing this like 6+ months ago and it’s just been sitting in my drafts bc idk how to commit to endings so y’all are gonna have to take this as it is. also i have no concept of how sailing works or how long it takes oops

9:00 pm

“y'know, there's really no point to a farewell party if the one leaving isn't there.”

you look up from your spot on the library floor. your eyes land on the green-haired swordsman leaning against the doorframe and you smile.

“i’ll be there in a second. i just have some more stuff to go through.”

zoro eyes the mess of books surrounding you, recognizing a few of nami’s atlases and robin’s textbooks. “you haven’t finished packing yet?”

“i’m mostly done. i’m just trying to decide which books i want to keep.” catching his eye, you joke, “why? you want me gone that bad?”

crossing the room, a scoff leaves his lips. nothing could be further from the truth.

“you got me. i am so sick of you,” he says with a grin. “can’t wait to get rid of the annoying librarian invading my napping spot.”

zoro plops down on the bench behind you, catching a whiff of your shampoo as he lies down. you sit with your back to him, sorting through your piles, but zoro can hear the smile in your voice when you speak.

“you’re such a pretender, eh?”

zoro puts on a look of overdramatic offense, a hand on his chest. “me? you’re talking about me?”

at his poor acting, you turn around. you rest your chin on the bench, your face so close to zoro’s that one could only describe it as a kissable distance.

“you act like i'm all in your space, but nami told me that you never used to spend any time in here at all!”

“pfft, why would you ever trust what that con artist has to say?” zoro pokes your forehead. “you see it with your own eyes. am i or am i not here every day?”

you purse your lips as you think back to the last few months; he’s right.

you’ve spent most of your days in the ship’s library, and zoro has almost always stopped by. in the beginning, it would be for a few minutes, but over the last little while, he’d be in here as long as you were.

zoro smiles as he watches you think, eyebrows furrowed as you replay the last few months in your head. little do you know that this is exactly why the library is his new hideout. watching your pretty little mind work — doing what you love, thinking and studying and reading — is a far better use of his spare time than anything else he could be doing.

“anyway,” he says. “i guess your silly star stories have been a good trade-off.”

now it’s your turn to be mock-offended.

“silly star stories? you’re the one who asked about the constellations in the first place!”

“only because you kept talking about these fictional gods like they actually did something important.”

“says the guy who's completely enthralled by hades,” you roll your eyes.

“king of hell, god of the underworld,” he grins. “that’s my kinda guy.”

zoro laughs when you shake your head at him. he’ll never tire of teasing you; you are far too adorable with your little sigh and a ghost of a smile on your lips.

“did you know,” he says with a playful look. “that you still owe me about ten more constellation stories? d’you think you could squeeze in one more before we head up?”

zoro smiles at you, and you can't help but smile back.

you have so many treasured memories with zoro in this library; ones of just the two of you (him napping while you studied), ones with nami and robin (and sanji until nami kicked the boys out for their incessant bickering), and ones where the night listens in as you recite the history of the stars.

whether you were telling the story of another righteous deity enacting justice, or the tale of mere mortals who insulted the gods, zoro would listen with his eyes closed, lying across the bench as he is now, and you’d sit in front of him as you are now.

everyone’s waiting for you upstairs and you hate to disappoint, but some things are more important — like telling a silly star story to a silly swordsman.

“of course i can.”

12:00 am

raucous laughter and cheering that’s loud enough to deafen anybody; empty plates, once piled high with food, now scattered around the room; bottles on bottles of sake and rum and whiskey and every liqueur that one would hope to find on a pirate ship.

these are zoro’s requirements for a good time, and suffice to say that your farewell party has them all in spades.

zoro watches his friends’ tomfoolery from his spot at the table (currently, luffy’s trying to get franky to see how far he can slingshot him) when you plop yourself into the seat beside him.

“this,” you say as your arm knocks against his, “is the best party i’ve ever been to.”

zoro takes a swig from his glass, “you haven’t partied until you’ve partied with pirates.”

“seriously! you guys are insane!”

as if to prove your point, franky chooses that exact moment to show off a juggling sequence involving a barrel of whiskey, a giant potted plant, and a squealing chopper.

you gasp at the spectacle but quickly dissolve into laughter when nami saves chopper, and it’s with both awe and pure excitement that you turn to zoro. laughter is etched into your lips, your cheeks are flushed, and zoro can’t help but marvel at how you’re even cuter when you’re having fun.

“what, you’ve never seen a cyborg man toss a speaking reindeer in the air before?”

you nudge him with your elbow, “well, excuse me for leading such a mundane life where animals don’t speak and men don’t tinker with their bodies.”

“ah, but that’s where you’re wrong.”

you look at zoro quizically.

he takes a sip of his beer, “most men do tinker with their bodies.”

it takes you a moment to catch his innuendo and zoro roars with laughter when the realization hits you. embarrassment tinges your pretty face and you shove him with a loud “ew, zoro!” but he can’t stop cackling.

“you’re disgusting!”

you make to swat zoro across the chest but he quickly catches your hand. he leans in to waggle his eyebrows at you, “but i’m not wrong, am i?”

you groan loudly, which only makes him laugh again.

perhaps it’s the alcohol that let his inhibitions go, or maybe it’s the fact that he doesn’t have much longer with you, but when you hastily change the subject and there’s no longer a reason for him to still be holding your hand, he doesn’t let go.

when nami joins you two, his fingers slips between yours and to his surprise, yours do the same. sanji joins your threesome, then franky and robin, and in no time at all, it’s no longer just the two of you at the table.

but zoro doesn’t care.

drunk, carefree, and more content than he’s ever been, zoro closes his eyes and smiles. he lives in the moment, and in this moment, he’s happy — happy with a full stomach and a full glass, happy to be surrounded by his favourite people, and happy that, under the table, you’re still holding his hand.

3:00 am

“and what’s that one?”

hands swinging between you, you and zoro dodge the tide as you roam further and further from the thousand sunny. the sand is cool under your feet and the tide kisses your toes with each step. your other arm is stretched above you, pointing at a constellation in the distance.

“what is this - a pop quiz?”

you smile, “i want to make sure you don’t forget about my ‘silly star stories.’”

zoro groans, “has anyone told you that holding grudges isn’t healthy? keeping going and you’ll turn into a bitter old thing some day.”

you stick out your tongue, “you’re just afraid you’ll get it wrong.”

“wrong?” zoro scoffs. “i’ve gotten the past six right.”

walking along the beach, you and zoro fall in step with each other and your footsteps match the ebbing waves in perfect rhythm. you smile in his direction and his chest is flooded with a warmth that has nothing to do with the copious amounts of alcohol he’s consumed.

“alright, let’s see what we got here.”

zoro follows your gaze at the cluster of stars you’ve chosen, and he grins when he sees the constellation. “really? at least try to make this hard for me, please.”

his cocky attitude leaves you speechless, making zoro laugh.

“you’re so annoying!” you shove him with your free hand and the force of his stumble pulls you along, and you shriek as he drags you into the ocean with him. he doesn’t let go of you, not even for a second — not when water splashes your legs, not when zoro’s pants get soaked as he spins you around.

your laughter is warmth in its purest form, the kind that you can feel all the way down to your cold toes. when he sets you back down, you give his hand a little squeeze, to which zoro answers back with a tender smile.

now with wet feet and a distance between you that’s even smaller than it already was, zoro continues to walk alongside you.

“moving on from your pathetic distraction attempt,” — you let out a dramatic gasp — “i’ll tell you exactly who we were looking at.”

pointing at the starry zodiac sign, zoro speaks with complete confidence.

“virgo the maiden, otherwise known as persephone, wife and muse of the best god of them all, hades—”

“fanboy much?” you tease but zoro pretends not to hear you (the little tug of his lips tells you that he does).

“—who snuck her a pomegranate seed because he couldn’t bear for her to leave him.”

zoro puffs his chest with pride, relishing in this one niche study of which he is now an expert. it’s incredibly endearing how pleased he is with his answer and you almost feel bad for correcting him.

almost.

“good answer,” you grin. “but you left out the little detail about how she was kept in hell against her will.”

zoro gasps, “are you accusing my idol of being a kidnapper?”

“your idol!” your cheeks already hurt so much from smiling but another giggle slips out. “first of all, these aren’t my accusations. historians have told their love story this way for years—”

“slander is what this is.”

“—and secondly, why would you want to look up to hades? he’s literally the antagonist in every story.”

“he’s the king of hell! that’s so bad ass.” zoro winks at you, “don’t be surprised if you hear them calling me ‘zoro, king of hell’ some day.”

“what’s wrong, demon of east blue doesn’t go hard enough for you?”

embarrassment rushes to zoro’s face and he’s never been more grateful for the night. “who told you that? was it usopp or nami? i bet it was nami.”

“i might hold a grudge but i don’t snitch,” you flash a mischievous smile. “anyway, let’s get back to how you want to be just like devil who tricked a poor girl in returning to the underworld.”

“come on, can you blame a man for doing whatever it takes to stop his beloved from leaving him?”

it sounds like an innocent question — harmless banter, really — but something in the way he says it makes you stop dead in your tracks. a silence falls and in its wake, all you can do is stare at the man you’ve spent the last several months with, the same man that you have to say goodbye to tomorrow.

moonlight falls unto the both of you and bathes zoro in soft light. it illuminates his eyes and when you meet his gaze, you see a sense of longing there that you feel in your chest. a longing for what, you don’t know — or rather, you don’t want to know.

at least, not yet.

so you hold his hand a little tighter, and underneath the watchful eye of the gods and constellations, muster a smile,

“i guess not.”

6:00 am

if this was any other morning, zoro would be awake and working out already. he'd be done his fourth set of bicep curls or, at the very least, working on his form. he could even be in the middle of deadlifts (because he knows not to skip leg day), but he definitely wouldn't still be in bed the way that he is right now.

the thing is though, if this was any other morning, he wouldn't have you sleeping next to him, curled into him like you were made to be a perfect fit.

he's never been more glad to still be in bed.

your breath matches the rise and fall of zoro's chest, perfectly in rhythm with the waves outside his window and the beat of his heart, like the universe meant for all these things to be in harmony at this one singular moment in time.

your lashes flutter in response when he shifts his weight.

he takes a peek at you, “psst, are you awake?”

eyes still closed, you manage a noncommittal grunt but your body says otherwise.

zoro can’t help but smile as he watches you start to wake up. your toes wiggle beneath the covers and you rub your eyes before looking up at him with an adorably sleepy look that he would love to wake up to every day.

if only he could.

you focus your gaze on zoro like he’s an anchor in a sea of slumber. the way that you look at him, as if he’s the only thing that you see, fills his chest with a golden warmth akin to the breaking dawn.

you offer him a soft smile, and zoro wonders if the sun knows that you glow brighter than it ever could.

“why are you up at this ungodly hour?”

he chuckles, low and tender, “’m used to it. i’m usually up by now.”

“freak,” you mutter. zoro laughs, and you can’t think of anything else that sounds more beautiful at six in the morning.

you’re not usually up this early but what you notice is that, at dawn, time has a habit of moving slowly. it’s as if the morning casts magic upon those who rise with the daylight — and you’re so thankful for that.

because if time moved any faster than this, you’d have to say goodbye that much sooner.

“are you going to miss us?” zoro puts his arms around you.

you murmur into his chest, “of course, i will.”

“who do you think you’ll miss the most?”

you give pause and zoro’s almost certain you can hear his heart beating a little louder — he can definitely hear it. he doesn’t typically get nervous like this but, then again, nothing about the way you make him feel is typical.

you seem to have come to a conclusion because you look up at zoro and he holds his breath.

“sanji.”

he blinks.

“wait, are you serious?”

you’ve never seen zoro looks so wonderfully scandalized before, and you burst into a fit of giggles. as soon as you start, he knows he’s been had. he scowls but only for a moment; for who could be upset in the presence of such twinkling laughter?

“silly man,” you snuggle closer, "of course i’m not serious.”

“okay, good.” you can hear the smile in his voice. “i don’t know if my ego could handle losing to him.”

zoro holds you close, his thumb tracing circles on your skin. his movements are slow, steady, comforting — ‘round and ‘round, in the same spot, like he’s drawing an invisible mark that is only known to the two of you.

"but, you know,” you hum, careful not to disrupt the peace. “you wouldn’t.”

“wouldn’t what?”

“lose.” and after a beat, you quietly add, “you wouldn’t lose to anyone.”

and just like that, zoro’s on cloud nine, airborne and weightless. he’s always known that he has a place in your heart, but this is the first time that you’ve ever hinted about where that place may be. if he allowed himself to be hopeful, it almost sounds like a confession.

but almost isn’t good enough for him. zoro wants more — wants to find out exactly where he belongs in your life, wants to know if he can make himself at home there.

it’s a shame that he’s out of time.

you interrupt his thoughts with a whisper, barely audible above the sound of the ocean and his aching heart,

“will you miss me?”

more than anything.

9:00 am

surely, zoro’s dream to be hades has been granted. otherwise, why would it feel like he’s in hell, standing on the deck, all alone and watching your dinghy sail away from the thousand sunny?

zoro’s had his fair shares of farewells while aboard the ship, and to be honest, yours wasn’t any more emotional than anyone else’s. you left with a smile as beautiful as the morning sun and with far less tears than he expected (which he’s thankful for because he would hate to see you cry). as far as bittersweet goodbyes go, yours was definitely more sweet than bitter.

and yet, here zoro stands, with a bad taste in his mouth that he can’t explain. he can still see you from where he stands, and watching your little boat in the distance is the only thing that seems to settle his uneasy heart.

should he have bid adieu privately? maybe he should’ve left you with a memento of some kind? should he have done more than offer you a quick hug? was it his imagination, or did you hold onto him just a beat longer than you needed to?

zoro’s so occupied by these messy thoughts that he doesn’t even hear sanji approach him.

“well?”

startled, zoro can only stare at the blond cook. ignoring the dumb look on his face, sanji continues.

“what’d she say when you told her?” sanji nods in the direction of your boat.

“told her what?”

“that you love her,” sanji takes a drag of his cigarette, looking at zoro directly now.

he speaks so frankly, so matter-of-fact and candidly, that it takes zoro a second to really register what it is that he’s saying.

he loves you.

and as soon as he thinks it, the truth comes barreling through all the doubts clouding his head. clarity floods his chest as he comes face-to-face with what his yearning, pining heart has been trying to tell him this whole time.

he loves you. he loves you. he loves you. he loves you. he loves you-

fuck.

he loves you.

and he never told you.

epilogue — 9:30 am

sails closed, your boat floats with the current and the salty breeze reminds you that your adventure with the strawhats has come to a close. compared to the never-ending bustle of the crew, it’s almost too quiet being at sea alone. the silence lends itself to your overactive mind, working full time to unravel the tightness you feel in your chest.

you’re lost in thoughts of what could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve been — so much so that you don’t even hear the commotion behind you. it’s not until you hear zoro call your name that you hear the frantic swimming and you whirl around.

“zoro! what-”

“can you help me first?” he splutters.

you pull yourself together long enough to run to the side of your dinghy, pulling a sopping wet pirate on board. zoro leans back, trying to catch his breath as you rummage through your things.

“are you crazy? do you know how far we are from the sunny?” you throw a towel over him before reaching for another. you start drying off his hair, frantically fussing over him.

“you think that just because chopper gives you the clearance that you can push yourself over the limit-”

“y/n.”

“this is why you’re always on house arrest! you’re actually insane, you know that?”

“y/n.”

“i know you work out, but for goodness’ sake, zoro, you’re only human-”

“y/n.” zoro holds your wrists, forcing you to stop with a start.

in all your worrying, you didn’t realize that you’d been gravitating closer to zoro until you’re staring into his dark, obsidian eyes. there’s clarity in the way that he looks at you. his eyes are shining with a fierceness that you’ve only seen in his worst fights, and you brace yourself for whatever comes next.

because you know that this will change everything.

“hades and persephone.”

“huh?“ you blink at him. “did you hit your head-”

“ask me if i think hades loved persephone.”

you stare into zoro’s eyes, desperation reflecting back at you. there’s a hidden question there and you understand immediately.

quietly, you ask, "do you think hades loved persephone?”

“i do,” he whispers. “i think he loved her and he would've been stupid to let her go.”

your breath catches. zoro places a hand over yours, surprisingly warm as his fingers find their home between your own.

the heavens watch on as the two of you finally open your hearts and give way to the stuff that myths and legends yearn for — a connection that can only be described as fated, destined, purely and resplendently magical.

the gods smile at the two lovers who find themselves falling into each other, laughing as you confess, over and over again,

i love you.

#zoro x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #roronoa zoro fluff #zoro fluff #one piece x reader #¡! ❞ [ fics ]#i know i just wrote a zoro fic BUT #this fic has been stuck in my drafts for too mf long #i didn't even proofread the epilogue bc fuck it #i just need her to go out into the world ok #i promise i will write non-zoro stuff soon #(maybe)#(jk i will)

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bbrissonn · 7 months

Text

𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐮 - 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫 𝐳𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬 (𝟏)

╰┈➤kinda nervous lol, making this on sept 22 at 11:51 pm. i came up with this idea for an au after seeing this post from @edwardslvrr like 2 hours ago

╰┈➤ october 8th bri bri here, decided to post this cause why not, it's all i've been thinking about since i started this au in my draft and i really want to make it public so yeah :))) hope you enjoy !!

╰┈➤ pairing: trevor zegras x ex!singer!reader

╰┈➤ masterlist

༊*·˚

-SEPTEMBER 1ST, 2023-

༊*·˚

: ̗̀➛ alannaoregon has posted on instagram for the first time in a while

alannaoregon

liked by jamie.drysdale and 1.8M others

alannaoregon so excited to announce that my sophomore album Tired of U comes out on October 13th !! this has been a work for almost 6 months and i cant wait for all of you to hear it. starting off with “i regret you everyday” coming out September 22th

much love, lana 🩵

view all 5,042 comments

becky.rivera GO BEST FRIEND

alannaoregon @/becky.rivera I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND

user83 NEW MUSIC NEW MUSIC

jamie.drysdale so proud

alannaoregon @/jamie.drysdale love you little one

user920 soooo we all agree on who all of these are gonna be about right…?

user726 trevor went from having 12 love songs written about him, to 14 breakup song 🫢

user02 @/user726 from obsessed with you to tired of u..

sabrinacarpenter so happy to be by ur side and see u grow, cant wait for everyone these masterpieces 🩷

alannaoregon @/sabrinacarpenter love you so much 🩷

user53 the way lana always uses a blue or white heart, but always a pink one for sabrina 🥹

user836 @/user53 glad im not the only one who noticed

user637 BAHAHAHA LIKE 10 OF TREVORS FRIEND LIKED THIS

༊*·˚

: ̗̀➛ alanna oregon posted a new youtube video

“Becky bring your butt over here.” Alanna called out, placing her camera on the counter of her bathroom. Her skincare products in front of her as Becca made her way into the room, waving at the camera once she was in frame.

"I'm here, I'm here." The Rivera girl said as Alanna grabbed her first product and started applying it to her face.

"Hi cuties, it's me, Lana." The singer said in a weird voice, one she used in every intro. Becca snorted a bit, making her best friend giggle a bit. "I am back with my girl Becky."

"That's me."

"And today, we're gonna take for a lake day with us. And through out the day, I am gonna explaining every single song from my next album, Tired of u, that comes out on October 14th." Alanna explained as she moved onto her second product. Next to her, Becca was nodding along to what she way saying, a proud smile on her face.

"Go pre-save it, guys!"

"And we're gonna be starting with a single, I regret you everyday, coming out on September 20th."

"Not gonna lie, I think that's one of my fav." Becky said as Alanna moved onto her third product. The singer had already made her best friend listen to the whole album, but the girl was there for the writing and producing process so she already had a good idea of what the song were like.

"So, I regret you everyday is a pretty self explanatory title for the song. It's pretty much about regretting ever getting into a relationship with someone, let alone even meeting them even if it's something you can't control." The girl started as she applied her sunscreen gently to her skin. "I think it was the second song I finished writing, maybe like a week after my break-up."

"Wasn't it two weeks?"

"I dunno know, doesn't matter. I was just crying on Becky's couch one day and just came up with it, she helped me write some of the lines."

"You can call me Shakespeare now." The Rivera girl joked, causing her best friend to giggle once again.

"Any who, I picked that song to be a single because I think it really gives off the vibe of what the album is gonna be. Also, because Becky said she'd hit me if I didn't put-"

"Lies!"

"If I didn't put out as a single. So, yeah, now you know!" Alanna continued, ignoring the look her best friend was giving her. She quickly cut the camera after that, laughing at Becca's expression that still hadn't changed.

༊*·˚

The next clip was of the two girls in the kitchen, preparing their breakfast for the day.

"I don't know if we said it before, but we're at Becky's family cottage for the weekend, so we're gonna go swimming this afternoon." Was the first thing said in the clip, Becky in the frame as she broke the eggs. Alanna was in the back, doors of the fridge opened as the looked for the milk.

"Then I am taking her out a date to the porch for dinner with the sunset."

"Fun fact for y'all, the photo on the back of the album was taken by the neighbors of me and Becky. So, thanks to them for their contribution to the album."

"And to my dock for being the front of it." Becca added as she now left the frame and Alanna was now the main focus.

"The next song we're gonna talk about is sunset chasing. Now that song was... very emotional to make, because as some of you might know, I am a whore for sunsets, and sunset chasing was something I did a lot with my ex." The girl started explaining.

"Big big whore for them!"

"In the song, the sunset represents like my relationship with said ex, and how I was like chasing after him and his attention even though we were together for years already. And I guess you could say there's like a double meaning I think, like how sunset chasing turned into me chasing him." She added, smiling slightly had Becca's words.

"I was once again present for the writing of this song and contributed." Becca said, walking back into the frame for a slight second, a proud smile on her face.

༊*·˚

"The birds are trying to eat my food!" Becca yelled out, a loud laughing coming from Alanna as she filmed her best friend shoo away the birds. The two girls were now outside, their breakfast in front of them as they sat on the porch, from which they had a nice view of the lake.

"Becca, don't hurt them!" Alanna said from being the camera, making the girl in question look at her like she was crazy.

"They're going for my food, Lana." There was a cut after that, and then the two girls were sitting around a round table as they slowly ate their food.

"Can I introduce this song?"

"Even if I say no, you'll do it anyways, Becky."

"Damn right I will. Anyways, guys, the next song is called 11 feet behind!" Becca announced to the camera giggling a bit after saying the title of the song. "What's that song about, Lana?" She asked with wiggling eyebrows.

"That song is about always feeling like you're always behind in your relationship. Like people know more what's going on in your relationship than you do, which, fucked up for one, and two really sucks, because it makes you feel like you mean nothing to your partner."

"Guys, let me tell, my girl did not hold back with this one." Becca giggled while talking to the camera. When Alanna had told her best friend she'd be using Trevor's number in one of her song titles, the girl gasped, calling her crazy because of it.

"I am speaking the truth."

"I'm so proud of you, lanny." Becca said randomly, looking over at her best friend. Alanna laughed a bit before giving the girl a big hug, laughing a little.

༊*·˚

"We're getting Starbucks!" Becca yelled out as the next clip started, Alanna's laugh being heard once again. The two of them were now in the car, Becca driving as the other girl sat in the passenger seat, holding the camera so they were both in frame.

"Which is like totally crazy 'cause the next song was written in a Starbucks."

"What a coincidence."

"Right!" The two girl joked, their chuckles echoing in the car before Alanna focused back on the task at hand. "Anyways, it's called Friend Stealer. Long story short, it's about getting dumped by a guy so he can go date one of your friend, that he met through you."

"Snakes." Becky could be heard whispering in the back.

"And the reason why it was written in a Starbucks is because I just wanted to leave my house, get some caffein, and as I was just sitting there thinking about the whole thing, the lyrics just came to me. So, I wrote them down in my notes, typing like a crazy lady on my phone."

"She was gone for like three hours, I was so worried!" Becca said, making Alanna roll her eyes slightly.

"Okay, that's a bit dramatic, I was gone for like, forty-five minutes maybe."

"Still scared me."

"Moving on, that song was probably what helped me really get over my break-up, well more like started the whole moving on process. I was really just writing what I was feeling and yeah, that song was born. It was the first one that I found the melody for, but I think it was like, the forth I wrote, and that's when I decided I was making an album." The singer explained with a shy smile, recalling the happiness she had felt after finally writing out all her anger.

༊*·˚

"We're back in the car! Becky, what'd you get, girl?"

"I got a grande iced coffee with a splash of cream, two pumps of vanilla and two pumps of hazelnut." The girl explained her order, shaking her drinks around. "How about you, m'lady?"

"I got the same as always, my sir. A venti brown sugar oatmilk shaken expresso, only three pumps of brown sugar, three pumps of white mocha and no cinnamon."

"For all of you who didn't know, Lana's my sugar mommy, and she paid for my drink." Becca spoke, grabbing the camera for it was focusing on her. Her best friend scoffed a bit before bringing back to camera on her as Becky started to drive.

"Killing us softly is the name of the next song we're gonna be talking about. The title pretty much says it all, it just talks about how someone in a relationship just doesn't care enough and it's slowly killing their relationship." The clip cut right after the girl was done talking, and the next clip was of her sitting in her bed, filming on her phone with her headphones on.

"Guys, my camera died, oops. And at first Becky and I were gonna go to Target, well we still did, and film the next song in the car. Obviously, we couldn't do that, and my dumb ass forgot to like, go to the song we were gonna do in the car. So, here it is!

It's called mascara stained cheeks, once again, title says it all. But, it goes more into details about how toxic my relationship with my ex got, and how much he made me cry. Small reminder, that crying often in a relationship because of your partner, is not a healthy relationship, never has been and never will be. With that being said, next clip! Wait no, disclaimer, I got a little lazy with these, oops again, so the clips are pretty short. Okay, now, next clip!"

༊*·˚

The two girls were now laying on their chests on sun bathing chairs. The camera was set up on a small table in front of them as they both pushed themselves up on their chairs.

"30 seconds. Wanna do the honor's of explaining this one, Becky?"

"Yes please. This song is about how much of an asshole mister tiny dick was."

"Becca!"

"What? He was. Mister tiny dick broke up with my goddess of a best friend over a phone call, that lasted a solid 30 seconds." The Rivera girl explained, as Alanna gave her stern look.

"Becky, I'm gonna get demonetized because of you."

"Not my fault he had a tiny dick."

"Becca!"

༊*·˚

"Guys, it's editing Lana here again." The girl said, once again sitting in her bed. " So, apparently, none of my footage for the next three songs saved, yay. So, I am gonna have to do this little explanation segment again.

Okay, crushed mind. My baby, the second song I wrote, uhm, I pretty much got emotionally cheated on, so, my mind crushed. Oh my, God, I suck at explaining when I am alone. I feel so awkward just talking to my phone. Ugh, anyways, yeah, I don't know what else to say for that one.

Moving on, i miss u, this one I'm gonna explain so good, just watch, well listen... and watch. It's about missing the person your partner used to be, feeling like they've just become this whole new different person than the one you feel in love with. Which hurts, a lot. But, you know, people change, you can't get mad at people because of that... but you can write songs about it." The girl said, giggling slightly at the end.

"Last song that vanished, spinning circle, talks about conversations with my ex, would just be a spinning circle, I know the saying is like cycle or whatever, but the circle part is explained in the song. I can't tell you right now though, 'cause then I'm... I'm spoiling the like plot twist in the lyrics. Anyways, my camera figured itself out after that clip, so yeah. Back to Lanny and Becky from a week ago."

༊*·˚

The two young adults were sitting on the paddle board, which was tied to the dock so they didn't float away. The sun was beaming on them as their wet skin reflected the light slightly.

"I felt a fish touch me!" Becca gasped just as Alanna was about to speak.

"It's a fish, it's not gonna kill you."

"No, but you know what will, forgiving." Becca said, winking at the girl, clearly proud of herself for the word play. "Get it? 'Cause the next song is... forgive."

"Go you, girly. Forgive, is about forgiving myself for the pain I caused myself during the end of my relationship. Like, I knew it wasn't healthy and all, I knew I should've broken up with him, but I didn't. And it ended up hurting me a lot, and I wrote that song last, kinda like a letter to my past self, forgiving her for making me hurt."

"If any of you though it was about her forgiving mister tiny dick, you weren't alone. I though so too, and I almost wacked her when she told me." Becca said, using the nickname she had for Trevor once again. "Don't look at me like that, you're not gonna get demonetized!"

༊*·˚

"Okay, friends, it's now bedtime for us. We decided not to film after dinner, because we ended having a little heart to heart in the car after, and we just didn't really feel like it. So, we're gonna speed run the last three."

"Heist!" Becca called out. The two best friends were once again in the bathroom, now doing their nightly skincare.

"Going on a heist to get the smallest bit of attention from your partner." Alanna answered.

"heart n soul."

"How hurt my heart and soul were after my break up."

"Last one, tired of u!"

"Tired of... them. Yeah! No, uhm, I am gonna take a little more time on this one since it's also the name of the album. Tired of u, is just about how tired I was of how my old boyfriend was treating me and acting around me. And the reason I picked that name for the album, is because it really describes how I feel towards him still, and our relationship, even now. Overall, just tired of everything related to my old relationship, the media, the comments, just all of it."

"I got tired of him, too, Lanny." Becky said right before the clip cut, making the singer chuckle slightly.

༊*·˚

"Okay friends, we're now in our matching pjs, and we're gonna go to sleep now. So, thanks for hanging with us today."

"Don't forget to go pre-save the album!"

"And yeah, I'll see you guys soon. Bye bye!" Alanna said before leaning in and pressing a kiss to the lens, which Becca than repeated.

: ̗̀➛ comments

user80 the way every time she vlogs she always struggles with the camera- she's so me

user001 so excited to hear these songs, all of them sound so interesting !!!

user719 guys i think she's gonna release sunset chasing as a single before the album drops cause she did the whole album in order, expect for i regret you everyday and sunset chasing

user412 @/user719 OMG YOU'RE SO SMART alannaoregon @/user719 shhh bestie you're gonna ruin the surprise user719 @/alannaoregon OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HIIIII

#bri writes #trevor zegras #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras x reader #tired of u au

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rosiehrs · 10 months

Text

all i know | mina

summary ; after you admitted that you had fallen in love with her, her fears took over and she left. you reflect on your last encounter, not knowing that she really did love you.

pairing ; myoui mina x fem!reader

content ; non idol!au, commitment issues, mina js lies a shit ton, lots of swearing, hinted trauma from past relationships, self-destructing thoughts(?), lots and lots of self doubt grr idk

genre ; angst

word count ; 2.1k

a/n ; none of this makes sense and its all over the place i apologise, but this has been in my drafts for TWO YEARS and i needed to FINISH IT. so enjoy anyway :p

the smell of warm coffee met your senses as you wrapped your hands around the warm cup in your hand. you looked around the small café you were sitting in, seeing the different types of people crowded into a small, but comfortable space.

a small smile spread across your face as your eyes landed on a small family, the couple leaning into each other happily as they watched their son make a mess with the chocolate donut in his hands. the mother reached over the table to wipe her son’s face while her husband smiled at them in awe. he grabbed his child and placed him on his lap, planting a kiss on his messy face then turning to his wife. he said something to her before placing his lips onto hers lovingly.

although you were across the room from them and couldn’t hear their voices, you knew what he said.

he said, i love you.

unknowingly, a single tear dropped down your face. you wiped it off subtly as you took your eyes off of the family. that. that was all you wanted. to be with the person you loved and with the person your love created.

you knew who you wanted that with. and she knew too, but to your dismay - she didn't want the same thing. but you loved her anyway. you sat there, thinking about her. what she looked like, how she sounded, how she felt. you nearly forgot–is what you wanted to say. but did you really? is she not all you think about? how does one forget everything you’ve been through?

every laugh, every word, every tear, every touch, every kiss you shared. no matter how hard you tried, you could never forget the time you were able to spend with her.

but no. it was nothing but a distant memory.

at least that’s what it was to mina.

she made your heart so full, yet it broke right in her hold. you remembered so much, except you didn’t know whether it were true or whether it was just how you wanted to remember her.

it started off so innocent, so pure, so.. full of love. the one thing mina wasn’t good at. but with you, everything was easier, the breeze was a little cooler, her coffee tasted a little sweeter, and her heart was definitely the fullest it had ever been.

the both of you spent months together, yet you weren’t together. regardless, nothing could break the bond you two had. you were in love, and you were so sure she was too. but when you finally shared it out loud, that’s when it all fell apart.

a dry laugh left her throat, staring at you as if you had said the stupidest thing. "you're joking. you can't be serious.” she paused, her expression dropping. “are you serious?"

"is it really so hard to believe that i'm in love with you? mina, you know that i've been in love with you. and i know you love me, too."

"no, no, don't say that shit to me. don't fucking say that shit to me. this wasn’t supposed to happen. you know this wasn’t supposed to happen.” she spat, getting off of your occasionally shared bed. “mina–”

“don’t fucking say my name!” she yelled, causing you to flinch and immediately stop talking. her hands were eagerly holding her head and she looked like she was going to break down. “don’t say my name, don’t look at me–just.. don’t fucking do anything. please.”

each word that left her mouth was a cry for help, but at the time you didn't see that. you couldn’t see that. you were petrified, but unfortunately you didn’t know she was, too. mina knew this was going to happen one day, and she dreaded it with her whole heart. of course she could see the love between the two of you. you were right, the both of you were in love. but mina knew she couldn’t admit that to herself, never mind admitting it to you.

the second she would give in to the truth, to how she loves you, the wall she spent so long building– would come crashing down in a heartbeat. and she couldn’t afford that. she wouldn’t survive that, especially if you were to rummage through the rubble just to rip her heart out of her chest. but you wouldn’t, you couldn’t. she knew that, god, she knew you would never do anything to hurt her. slowly and surely, over the time you’ve spent together she had been slowly tearing it down and letting you in. you made mina want to trust again, to love again. excluding herself, she didn’t want to hurt you. if in the future she does something to break your heart, she would not be able to live with herself. in that very moment, you were everything to her and she would not do a thing to harm you. but she knew never to be so sure about what the future holds.

if she were to lose you, she would never be able to fathom the feeling of love ever again. so she decided for herself, she can’t lose you if she didn’t have you in the first place.

“please, just.. say something. anything.” you pleaded silently, tears streaming down your face as you gripped onto the sheets covering you. “you don’t love me, you can’t love me.”

“why are you trying to tell me how i feel, mina? i do love you, i’ve loved you for so long that you’re all i can think about. i want to spend the rest of my life with you. you’re everything to me, why won’t you just admit that you feel the same?”

“because you don’t know me, y/n. you think you love me, but you don’t. you can’t love me when you don’t know who i am, you don’t know what i’ve been through.”

“i know enough, mina. i’ve been there for you, i’ve seen and helped you through your worst. so don’t say i don’t know you because you’re all i know.”

mina turned her back to you, squeezing her eyes shut to stop the tears from coming out. she hadn’t felt this much pain since the time you first met her. mina was broken. at the time she had no hope for herself and felt unworthy of love. but you came along and proved her wrong. she knew she was going to make the worst mistake of her life, this decision could cost her her happiness,

her sleep–it could cost her you. but before she could do anything, daggers had already shot out of her mouth.

“none of this was real.”

silence.

“is that all you’re going to say?” you asked, feeling weaker than you’d ever been. “no. i can’t tell you i feel the same because i don’t. you weren’t supposed to fall in love with me, y/n. you should have known better.”

you replied with a bitter laugh, “i should’ve known better? do you really expect me to believe that i was just a warm body for those cold winter nights? you realise that i can see right through you, right? how are you forgetting that i’m the person who knows you the most. i can read you like an open book, so why are you hurting the both of us when you know we can be happy together?” you stood up, grabbing her arm–turning her to face you.

after that god awful lie, mina just couldn’t stop them from coming out. it was to protect herself and you, everything she did was to protect the both of you. “y/n, i don’t fucking love you. i don’t feel anything for you. there is no such thing as ‘us’,” she sighs, her tone dripping in frustration. she shakily brushed her hair back, turning away from you once again.

taking a deep breath, she spoke weakly. “i’m gonna go.”

she started quickly collecting her things and dashed through the hallway, in which you eagerly followed right behind her. she placed her hand on the door knob hesitantly. she didn’t want to go. she wanted to stay with you, of course she wanted to stay with you. but the damage was done, she couldn’t turn back anymore. but still, she wanted you to say something, to beg her to stay. to tell her you loved her again. maybe, just maybe then she’d stay. just do it. tell her again how much you love her.

“mina,” you started, vision blurry and voice hoarse. at that point, you just wanted to beg. beg for her not to give up on you. beg for her to have faith in what the two of you had. “why don’t you trust me? i’ve done nothing to make you question me or my intentions. i’ve been nothing but true to you. you know i will be here for you no matter what, so w-why are you doing this?” your voice breaking. mina couldn’t see you, regardless of how much she wanted to turn back and face you–she knew one glance at you would make her stay. but she needed to go.

“i-..” she began, her voice caught in her throat. she couldn’t control her tears anymore, so they fell–almost as quickly as she fell for you. “i can’t be the cause of your pain, y/n. i can’t.”

“you’re already hurting me, mina. once you step out of that door, you would have broken me completely. we can get through this, i don’t fucking understand why you’re doing this!” you screamed, sinking into the floor. you sobbed uncontrollably into your hands, unable to control your emotions. they all washed through you at once and you had never felt a pain this immense in your life. no amount of physical pain could equal up to the agony mina was making you go through.

“whatever you think you’re doing–if you think this is protecting me? you’re fucking stupid. i want you to be with me to protect me, i want you! i just fucking want you, mina!”

mina dropped all of her things and collapsed onto your floor. she cried, gasping out for air. “don’t do this to me, y/n. i can’t be with you. i have to leave before..” she stopped, gasping for air once again. “you have to understand, y/n. i can’t risk it. i can’t be ruined by this, by you. and i can’t ruin you either.”

“are you hearing yourself right now? mina, please just fucking think. you’re only hurting the both of us, we won’t get over this, mina. i’m so fucking serious, please.” you said, reaching out to touch her shoulder. she flinched as she felt your fingertips on her, as if your touch burned her. and in the moment it did, because she knew it would be the last time you would ever touch her.

the longer she stayed in your presence, the more pain she felt. but she knew the longer she’d be away from you, the more she’d suffer. so she had to make a choice and she had to make it quick.

“i can’t, y/n. i just fucking can’t, i’m sorry.” she stood up, finally turning the door knob. “mina, please–!” you begged, trying to reach out to her but she left slamming the door on your face.

and that was the last time you saw mina and the last time you had ever felt an ounce of love. mina’s intent of saving you from pain was the only thing that brought it to you.

she wanted nothing more than to come back, to check in on you, to tell you she loved you. all she wanted to do was tell you how much she loved you, because she left you on the floor thinking that you weren’t worth fighting for. however her fears had controlled her once again and she couldn’t get herself to go anywhere near you. but she saw you in everything she did, every car that passed by, every face she saw, all the clouds in the sky. you thought she had forgotten about you, but you were all she could think about. you’re the first and last thought in her head everyday. she realised not long after she walked out on you that just like you said, you were all she knew. and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t unlearn you.

she couldn't unlearn you daw, ka yati

– o, it's here na @heybeautifulstranger

#mina x reader #myoui mina x reader #twice x reader #twice imagines #kpop x reader

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crimeronan · 4 months

Note

hey what is wwaitsoatl?

oh! it's what we are is the sum of a thousand lies, my most popular toh fic by FAR and the thing most toh people here started following me for. back before i got sucked down the princess luz hyperfixation rabbit hole. it's a fic that takes more work to write than any of my others because it has an incredibly involved drafting & editing process. bc i am a perfectionist.

the premise is a canon divergent timeline wherein belos suspects that hunter lied to him at the end of hunting palismen. and completely wrecks hunter's shit forever. and infects him with curse goop in the process. and darius (who, Very Importantly, does not yet have a friendly rapport with hunter) trips over the kid's half-dead body.

and freaks.

and kidnaps hunter n takes him to the owl house. bc that's the one surefire place of refuge on the isles.

there are a bunch of emotional threads, hence why it's novel-length and not even finished yet despite being about just four characters chilling in a house together.

mainly it's about:

hunter unraveling his cognitive dissonance and cult brainwashing in an AU where he doesn't have all of hollow mind's answers; his feelings are Incredibly complicated and messy & he gets incredibly mean and snarly about it

darius grappling with the fact that his own grief and resentment blinded him to a kid who Very Much Needed Him, darius dealing with the fact that actually he never DID grieve his mentor or his mentor's dead family

darius and hunter developing a rapport in a timeline where hunter very much has Not broken out of all the cop shit that darius disdains So Much. so darius is so fucking exasperated and tired all the time

eda trying desperately to help hunter learn to live with a curse / chronic pain / chronic illness, while having very little faith in herself to begin with

luz feeling Horrifically guilty about hunter's curse and injuries, bc she thinks she should have clocked the abuse and brought him home with her or otherwise stopped it

hunter developing an almost immediate and pathological emotional attachment to luz because of her kindness, which complicates all of his complicated feelings WAAAAAY MORE

eda, darius, AND luz all desperately trying to get hunter to admit that he's been abused and that what happened wasn't his fault. you would not believe how fucking long it takes.

i'm actually really, really, Really proud of it -- it's rare for one of a writer's best works to be their most popular, but this genuinely is one of mine. if not my best work, period. there's a lot of nuance and messiness and emotional complexity and grief and arguing that i'm SO happy with.

also, despite the subject matter, it's often extremely lighthearted. some of the funniest dialogue i've ever written is strewn throughout all these serious emotional threads.

i'd apologize for how long this response is but this story is a heart project and has 67,000 published words on ao3 so far. (the chapter i'm writing rn will likely be another ~8,000 words, then there are a couple more chapters to come.) so there's a lot to say!!

it's my most popular ao3 fic for any fandom, ever, in the 12 years i've been on the site. the response has been WILD. if you sort by kudos, it's the 31st most favorited owl house fic Of All Time, the 7th most popular fic involving darius, and the 5TH most popular hunter & luz relationship fic. again, of all time. which is. insane.

people have been very kind and patient with me having been too sick to work on it for a while. there was a seven-month break between chapters 8 and 9, and if i finish chapter ten soon then there'll have been a nine-month break between chapters 9 and 10. so i don't know how many people are actually going to come back to read it, a lot of ppl have moved on from the fandom and such. but i'm extremely extremely extremely grateful to everyone who's given it a look!

#replies #long post #toh #my writing #horrible mindscape trauma pals #dadrius #darius deamonne #eda clawthorne #wwaitsoatl #hunter toh #luz noceda #i really am in love with this story i like. i somehow forgot how in love i am with this story #but i do i love it so much. i love it So Much. i could talk about it for Ages

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ugh-yoongi · 1 year

Note

your hand is touching mine and i can't stop myself from taking it & Yoongi

thank you for the request! i've had this sitting in my drafts forever, so it gave me an excuse to finish it (and why it's so long dgkjd one day i will learn what a drabble is). i hope you enjoy it. <3

i call this yoongi's romantic comedy of errors.

pairing: yoongi x f. reader

genre: friends to lovers, miscommunication, fluff/comedy

warnings: reader is taehyung's sister, they're coworkers, yoongi is really bad at asking people out on dates someone pls help our boy, some swearing. this was long and i was too lazy to edit it, so if you see any mistakes no you didn't.

wordcount: 2100

taking valentine's day drabble requests here ♡

Yoongi reaches for his wallet, cheeks aching from hours spent laughing.

He’s glad he did this—took a chance, asked you out properly. There’s none of the usual awkwardness that comes along with nights out, none of the dread of having to turn someone down, none of the guilt. No, this had gone well. Better than he ever could’ve imagined, and instead of preparing his trademark I had a great time, but… speech, he’s trying to figure out how to ask you out again without being a floundering, incompetent mess.

But then you reach for your wallet, too, and Yoongi—

“What are you doing?” he laughs, aiming for casual.

It works. You laugh softly, quirking an eyebrow. “Getting my card so we can split the bill.”

The words are out of his mouth before his brain can catch up. “What? I can��t let you pay on a—”

Everything comes to a screeching halt. A record-scratch moment. Because he finally figures out what’s going on, sees the way your eyes widen in panic at Yoongi calling this a date. Surely, he’d been clear enough when he asked you to dinner. He had to have been. He distinctly remembers wearing his best shirt into the office that day. He’d even worn the expensive cologne—the one he’d carefully rationed because you’d complimented it before and he didn’t want it to run out before he got a chance to use it properly.

No, he couldn’t have been that dumb. Still—he wracks his brain, tries to remember how he’d worded it, except now he’s in survival mode and everything’s coming up blank. So he does the only thing he can think of—“I can’t let you pay for your birthday dinner.”—and lies.

What a fucking idiot.

“Yoongi,” you say slowly, like you’re talking to the idiot he most definitely is. “My birthday isn’t for another four months.”

The laugh he forces out can only be described as a hellish witch cackle. “I know that,” he insists, “but I just figured why not, you know! Who says you can’t take your friends to birthday dinners four months early?”

You’re nearly stunned into silence. “But this isn’t even our traditional birthday dinner restaurant.”

“I wanted to try something new,” he answers, even though it comes out more like a question. He had wanted to try something new, and look where that’s gotten him. “Hoseok said this place was nice.”

“Yeah, but Hoseok’s been with his partner for eighty years.”

Yoongi’s laugh is pained, now. No more witch cackle, just the dying wheezes of a man running out of excuses and time. One of his favorite things about you is how smart and unwilling to put up with bullshit you are. A week ago, he never would’ve entertained being on the receiving end of it, but now it’s all he can do to tread water. “Oh, really?” he asks, playing stupid. “I didn’t think this place had, like, partner vibes.”

“There’s a little candle on the table,” you deadpan. “There’s a woman in the corner playing a violin. It absolutely has partner vibes.”

“Maybe I just wanted to splurge?”

Your stare is pointed, gaze full of suspicion. “Did you, now.”

There’s a moment where the light breaks through the clouds. Clarity, and Yoongi doesn’t make the same mistake twice. You’re not buying anything he’s selling, so he’s not going to force it. This wasn’t a date for you. He’ll tuck his tail between his legs and take the loss, and it’ll hurt, sure, and it’ll be one of those things that keeps him up at night years into the future, the embarrassment agonizing, but keeping your friendship intact is more important.

So he just sighs. Hands your credit card back to you and ignores your protests. “Of course I did,” he answers. Tries handing the envelope with just his card inside to a passing waiter, but you throw your arm into the aisle to stop him.

“Quit playing with me and tell me what’s going on,” you snap. “You’re being weird and I don’t like it.”

The waiter side-steps your arm and says, “Please unhand me, ma’am.”

(God, Yoongi’s going to have to triple his tip.)

“Shut up, Taehyung, I’m not even touching you.”

(Quadruple it, by the looks of it.)

Taehyung just sighs. “Fuck you, dude. I didn’t bother you the entire time you were on your date, and now you wanna mess with me when I’m just trying to cash out and go home.”

Yoongi says—“Oh, do you know him?”

—at the same time you say, “He’s my broth—what do you mean my date?”

Taehyung looks at you the way you’d looked at Yoongi. “Do you know where you are right now?”

You snap your fingers. “Because it has partner vibes, right?”

“Definitely has partner vibes,” Taehyung agrees. “There’s little candles on the tables.”

You turn to Yoongi. “I told you!” All he can do is shrug. Candles aren’t really his thing, mostly just ambiance, so what does he know.

Taehyung looks between the two of you, clearly running numbers in his head. How to not lose his tip, probably, or maybe envisioning what Yoongi would be like as a brother-in-law. No, wait—

“Okay, I’m gonna go. This is really weird and you’re both very stupid. Bye.”

You roll your eyes. “Yoongi’s just—”

“I literally do not care who my sister is dating! It’s none of my business!” Taehyung calls over his shoulder, much to Yoongi’s horror and the dismay of the rest of the patrons.

Once he’s gone, the two of you sit in awkward silence. He’s surprised you’re sticking around. The night has turned into an absolute shitshow, and Yoongi wouldn’t blame you a bit for leaving, though the fact that you haven’t has him hesitantly optimistic. Maybe he can salvage this, figure out a way to explain the miscommunication in a way that doesn’t sound condescending, because I’m sorry I thought I asked you out properly makes you sound like a dunce who can’t comprehend when they’re being asked out properly.

What a mess.

It’s not until Taehyung returns with his card, he’s tipped 50%, and he’s moving to put on his jacket do you speak. “Was he right?”

“Your brother?” Yoongi asks reflexively. You nod and his palms get all sweaty. “Um. I’m not really sure how to answer that.”

You snort. “Honestly, for a start.”

“I—okay,” he acquiesces. “Maybe not here, though. People are still staring and it’s making me want to throw up.”

The two of you move to his car. He turns it on and lets it idle, turns on your seat warmer and the heat because it’s cold outside and he’s already sweating buckets so what difference does it make. He’s got the anxiety shakes, anyway. And it’s not lost on him that this is new, too. Before, the two of you always met up in the city. Separate cars, separate ways. He’d picked you up tonight. Right at seven, just like he’d said, so he can’t figure out where everything had gone sideways.

“Okay, I’m just gonna—I did think this was a date,” he says. Feels good to get it out there, he supposes, but the way your jaw drops doesn’t make him feel too great.

You snap it shut. “Oh. Okay.”

He picks at his dress pants. He knows the fabric is expensive but not what it is. The salesperson at the store said it was one of their best and the charge on his card confirmed it. He’d bought three-million won pants for a date and he’d managed to fuck it all up. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Huh? What d’you mean for what. For thinking it was a date when it wasn’t.”

Friendships have survived worse, right? There’s a guy who works with both of you who divorced his wife of ten years and they still go on vacations together all the time, so the two of you are going to be fine. Shit, would Yoongi be able to go to Saint-Tropez with you after a divorce? That’s some heavy shit. That’s almost insane, he thinks. Does he have that kind of maturity? Is it maturity? The guy works in the communications department, so maybe he’s just… good at that? Maybe Yoongi should’ve asked him for some pointers.

“Can I just ask,” you start, and it’s the way you turn in your seat, angling your body towards him, that activates his fight-or-flight. Yoongi’s anxiety is not built for this kind of confrontation. Not at all. “What made you think it was a date?”

“My pants are three-million won,” he blurts out.

“You thought this was a date because… you’re wearing expensive pants?”

He groans. Bonks his head against the steering wheel and nearly has a heart attack when the horn beeps, far too loud for this parking garage. “No, it’s not just the pants. I thought I’d been very clear when I asked you to dinner that it was, like, a date. And then I almost said that and you looked really panicked, like you’d rather be buried alive, so I lied and said it was a birthday dinner even though it obviously wasn’t, and then your brother—and, yeah. I don’t know. Clearly I’m not as good at this as I thought I was.”

“Okay, first of all: yikes.” Yoongi nearly wails. “Secondly: Yoongi, you said you don’t date coworkers! Why the hell would I have thought this was a date?”

“In my defense, I said that a long time ago.”

“And never rescinded it!” you argue back. “Why would I think that’d changed?”

“Well—because!” Your stare is blank. “Because I picked you up—”

“I told you my car is in the shop three days ago—”

“And I’m pretty sure when I asked, I said, do you want to go to dinner with me—”

“Sure,” you concede, “as friends! We always go to dinner together!”

“But…” He sighs, runs his hands down his face. Might as well rip off the bandaid. “My pants.”

“Yoongi, all of your pants are expensive. You make an ungodly amount of money a year.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day?” he tries again.

You groan. “Yeah, and I’m supposed to give you a gift.” You run your hands over your face, and it’s really stupid, Yoongi thinks, because you’re wearing makeup. Did you always wear makeup when the two of you went to dinner? He can’t remember. He knows “no makeup” makeup is a thing, so he’s not all that confident he could tell what is and isn’t makeup, and it hits him for the millionth time this evening how bad he is at this.

“Look,” you continue, “let’s just… go somewhere else.”

“Maybe you should pick, since…” He gestures vaguely at himself.

You nod. “Yeah, good idea. That new ice cream place is close. We could go there.”

Yoongi glances out the window. It’s cold outside. A little gray, too, so it’s probably going to snow, considering it’s the middle of February and it’s been unseasonably cold, even for winter. But it’s not an outright rejection. It’s your idea, and if he dares to think it, the look you’re giving him is hopeful. He’s sure the wires in his brain will overheat and start crackling at the mere thought of you wanting to spend more time with him, so he’s agreeing before he can think twice. If his fucking pants are three-million won, they better keep him warm.

He doesn’t know what to do once you’re out of the car. Does he try to hold your hand? Does he loop his arm through yours? Throw an arm over your shoulders and pull you against his side? He’s already ten steps behind. He’s got a few centimeters on you, but your legs are longer, and it’s a little embarrassing, the hurried waddle he does to catch up. And he must sidle up too close, because your hand brushes against his.

Still warm, even though it’s going to snow. Even though you aren’t wearing gloves. All he can think is that the two of you are on your way to some new ice cream place because you wanted to go there, even though he’s put you through the ringer tonight, so he exchanges his stupidity for bravery. Closes in a little more, smiles when you look up at him and cock an eyebrow.

Because your hand is brushing against his, and he can’t stop himself from taking it.

For the first time all night, he knows it’s the right move when you smile.

#vday drabbles #yoongi imagine #yoongi drabble #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #jewel answers

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steamberrystudio · 8 months

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10/08/2023

Hey everyone! Time for the bi-weekly tumblr update for WSC.

For those also following the GS updates, I apologise for that update being so short and this one being quite more detailed. When you're earlier in the development process for a game, there's more to do, so there's more to talk about. And in the late stages when you're doing something like beta testing, sometimes there's just not much to report because of where you are in the process. (づ￣ 3￣)づ

Summary

Finished Kav ch 4, ch 5, ch 6 content

Started on finishing out the remaining routes (more below)

Coded Kav's sprite

Finished the music room art

Ramble

Okay, so let me jump into what I've completed on WSC.

As before, my main focus on WSC has just been writing because I really want to get it done by the end of the year, which I am on track to do

The game is now at 353,000 words.

The remaining content is composed of LI-specific scenes for Kav, Noel, Raif, and Yren from Ch 7 - Ch 12.

I have around 25-30k words per remaining character to complete for the rough draft.

My goal was to try to reach 75% (¾) of the way through the writing by the end of October. I actually am already at that milestone. I ended up hitting it far faster than I anticipated. So now my big goal is to get the last ¼ of the game drafted by the end of the year.

I feel like the parts I've written in the last few weeks were sort of "easy" compared to some of what is ahead so I don't know that I'll make progress as fast through the remaining content. Progress obviously waxes and wanes based on how difficult it is to draft a given section of story.

So yeah, that is where the writing is right now.

Artwise, I have received a new BG and one new sketch since the last update. BGs continue at a rate of 1 completed BG every 2 weeks or so.

And I coded Kav's sprite. (I also made some small sprite additions - mostly outfits) for other characters. But nothing major.

I finished the remaining music room artwork as well. And I've been working on editing the existing CGs to account for the fact that the conference room (which is the BG in those illustrations) now looks completely different. LoL.

Screenshots:

I don't think I've shown any of the new BGs outside of my server, so here are a couple.

Upcoming Weeks:

Basically I will continue to write for a couple of hours a day in the upcoming weeks as I wrap up the development phase of Gilded Shadows. With around 112,000 words left in the WSC rough draft (give or take), I am really hoping I can just make steady progress towards the completion of the draft so I can start revisions.

Though I've been picking up a few little art-related "To Do" things here and there, writing will be my focus for this project until the potato draft is complete, which will be a few months from now.

#when stars collide #amare game #otome games #indie otome #updates

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fastcardotmp3 · 9 months

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okay I'm being annoying today but I decided to finish it after months sitting in my drafts hear me OUT because ronance good omens au that I will likely never write but exists in My Heart:

Nancy "what a priss-- turns out not so much" Wheeler as the angel who knows what all of the rules are, who follows them even when she believes they're important, who trusts deeply and fully in the path of doing what is right but who sometimes just. doesn't agree with heaven on what right means? Nancy "lies to cops with smile" Wheeler who asks forgiveness not permission while stationed down on Earth, who likes the things she likes unapologetically, who seethes quietly over injustice but still finds a way to do something about it no matter whether it's technically allowed or not and--

Robin "you were a real douchebag you know?" Buckley as the demon whose temptations are quick-witted and clever and make her stand out from the crowd downstairs but still rarely actually hurt anyone in a lasting way, who takes credit for the shit humanity comes up with on their own because it's easier that way and leaves her more time to do the things she enjoys, who has a sharp tongue and a may-care attitude but who feels things deeply, who relishes in music and art and movies non-conforming fashion and is made almost entirely of soft-spots for these people she's spent 6000 years watching hurt and help each other in equal measure even without heaven or hell's input

They're both too human for their own good, but the perfect amount for each other's, and there's no one else in the universe who understands their lived experience the way they do. There's no one else in the universe who has been there through it all, this mortal enemy, this "I'm sorry, who are you?", this "does that make us friends?", this camaraderie.

Just. Good girl on the surface with a shotgun behind her back Nancy as the angel and snarky non-conformist on the surface with a secret open hearted approach to people Robin as the demon is SO..... yeah.

#dot post #ronance #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #the fact that in canon these characters are so much about not being who they appear to be on the surface just fits TOO WELL #do you see the vision #that book changed me once upon a day in high school so i'm gonna be Annoying when season 2 comes out btw

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l-e-morgan-author · 1 month

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Draft cover for the on-newsletter-signup free stories which I haven't finished editing yet. (So you can't have them yet; I'll finish editing them to my satisfaction before I open up my email newsletter.)

Further ramble below; it got kind of long. First about what these stories are about, then more rambling about my current works-in-progress and specifically aspects of Patience, Changing that I'm enjoying. Might recycle some of this for the next newsletter tbh.

A quick and not-edited summary of each story:

Ever Changing, Ever Near - Hadassah is different to everyone else, but despite that finds great joy in the changing seasons.

A Fragile Solace - Hadassah and Nem are friends. Despite what happens after, she treasures the friendship that they have.

Both stories were entered to (different) local competitions and were highly commended. I can't give an estimated story length because at least A Fragile Solace requires a bunch of editing that may lengthen it. Since I no longer have a word count requirement because I'm not planning on submitting them to any other competitions, I can go ham on them.

In case you don't know who Hadassah is, Hadassah is from the 2022(? maybe '23) Inklings challenge, which I wrote about 8k of. I was Team Lewis, portal fantasy. A very rough summary is that Hadassah is an autistic girl in a neurotypical world, one of the peasants of that world and chosen to be sent through a portal. Nobody knows what lies beyond. For Hadassah, what lies beyond is found family such as she hasn't experienced her entire life.

I found getting into her head unreasonably hard at the time, which is why I wanted to write stories about her, and why I haven't finished drafting her story. With more understanding of autistic people and also myself than I had then, I expect that when I get back to that properly I'll find it a lot easier to write.

I also intend to edit The Patience of Hope to be another newsletter freebie - the edited version, I mean. I intend to leave the first draft up on my website indefinitely, even if an edited version is published as part of something else (such as A Quiet Patience, though with the number of novellas I've got planned, that might be quite long...). But that's for a little way down the road, not yet.

As for a general update on writing generally, I've written a little bit more of Hands Made for Gentleness, but not much. That will require a lot of working with it once the first draft is done, but I've written up a rough outline of the rest of the main story beats, and I have a clearer idea where I'm going. I'm ideally going to finish drafting Patience, Changing before I really get back to that, which is about 20k away (yay!). I'm thoroughly into the third act, figuring out I need to know my characters better so the third act will require a good deal of rewriting, even though the bones are good. I'm pleased with the balance of characters, and at times even though I'm going "Hmm this needs work", I can switch that off and just work on it. I've been writing drabbles every day for this month, and currently I'm one (1) day behind. The drabbles have been helpful, providing scene ideas I can flesh out into full scenes, so they might be a bit janky in context, but I can edit that later.

I've really enjoyed two characters I didn't intend to include in this manuscript: Hannah (Patience's aunt) and Connie (who Patience meets in hospital). Hannah is a symbol of the seriousness of anorexia, and I am not looking forward to writing her death. At present the scene I'm writing is set on the 19th of November, 2018, and Hannah dies on the 16th of December, 2018. She's already written the letter to Patience, as well as the anonymous letter Patience doesn't realise is from her and which needs rewriting. But she has to die and it will tear my heart out to write her, though I've got to read at least a good chunk of A Grief Observed (C. S. Lewis) before I write about that. At present her death is set for the third last chapter, but I expect to rearrange things - events that I thought would work for two chapters turned out I'll need to significantly rewrite to get to even one chapter, so I'll probably use those events to close the second act rather than close the second act and open the third act as well, and therefore rearrange things to give enough space for Hannah's death. If I go over my planned word count in these chapters that's fine; whatever works. I just don't want to go under.

Having the 3k aim has been really good, because some of the time it's forced me to write 'filler' that I reread and am convinced I'll keep in, and sometimes it's kept me to only that long which is good practise too.

Oh, and also! The other character I've enjoyed. Connie. Connie's in hospital following a suicide attempt, but the psych ward's full up and she's not considered at high risk so she's in a general paeds ward, which is where she meets Patience. She isn't particularly forthcoming about why she's in, and Patience respects that. She suspects but is only told right at the end:

“You make me brave,” she said to Patience, just before she was transferred. “I came in here with a suicide attempt and you have made me discover I want to live. Live! When living has been a slow death all this time. You make me want to live. I wasn’t going to make it and I was okay with that. Now I’m going to fight, because of you.”

They keep in touch afterwards, and probably when I edit The Patience of Hope I'll include a scene with Connie in it. Because just as Hannah has to die, Connie has to live. I love the way both of these characters add to Patience's journey, but without trivialising her own very real issues. That's definitely something I'll have to do an edit pass to make sure I'm not doing, because yes, in the grand scheme of things Patience's hangups are very small but to her they're huge. Which is why I held off on writing this story for a good five years, and I'm terribly glad I did, because this story is far better than it would have been years ago.

Anyway. I'm rambling. All this to say that while I'm struggling a bit with writing it, Patience is still going swimmingly. I anticipate finishing the draft either by end of this month (stretch goal) or next month (realistic goal). Then I can dive back into Hands Made for Gentleness and maybe plotting The Time Travelling Midwife and/or Hadassah's story on the side.

I'm also having a fantastic time with Patience and Nathan's interactions at thirteen/fourteen:

“You’ll get through it,” he said. “In Christ, Patience. In Christ.” She smiled at him. He was very dear to her, standing there awkwardly and smiling his dear awkward smile back.

#tw suicide #hadassah winter #patience changing #patience shepherd #hands made for gentleness #I forget any other tags I want for this xD taglist coming in reblog

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violentdelightsandviolentends · 5 months

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just a little update on what's coming up!!

- honey girl chapter six is in the works, halfway done !! i'm thinking i'm gonna give you a break from all the angst in the series in this chapter... but no promises... <3

- I have a jake seresin x floyd!reader fic that's half written. it's soft and sweet and gentle... I love it, personally

- professor!joel miller x student!reader has been sat half finished in my drafts for months. this needs to be finished because it's fucking delicious

- 2 or 3 cowboy!spencer reid mini fics and headcanons are in the works

- I also have a chibs x reader kind of soft dom light brat tamer fic that's almost done

- web of lies chapter two is like 1/4 done... i'm sorry for deserting this fic!! idk what happened!! but it'll be finished soon... <3

as always, feel free to let me know which you'd like to see first!! or feel free to ask any questions you might have about any of these. much love <3

#honey girl chapter six #honey girl #web of lies #professor!joel miller smut #professor!joel miller #dbf!bucky barnes #dadsbestfriend!bucky barnes #jake seresin x floyd!reader #spencer reid x reader #spiderman!spencer reid #chibs telford x reader #chibs telford smut #cowboy!spencer reid smut #cowboy!spencer reid

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ravenstargames · 1 year

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✦ Lost in Limbo Devlog #2 | 02.28.23

It is time for our second devlog! 💜 🎉 We made it!

Sadly and as we anticipated, February has been a hell of a month, and March is promising to be the same. I'm mostly glad we made it through. We have a lot of work to do as the trimester comes to an end and there's a considerable amount of things due to before March ends in regards to our intensive master. The team and I are a bit on the stressed side, but we'll make it.

Let's see what our overworked and exhausted souls have managed to pull off this month, shall we?

Warning: Seyl is lacking sleep. The amount of typos and oopsies in this devlog may be higher than usual. Apologies in advance!

Raquel started to fix some sprites this month as we had planned, starting with Neela, the second supporting character you'll meet in the demo, who needs a bigger revamp than the rest of LIs. The three characters left without a sprite already have their character sheets and moodboards done, so that's something! We do not want to spoil anything from the character department as we think it's cooler to meet them with their info sheet and with their sprites polished and pretty, so we are hoping we can speed up the process during March!

One of our goals this month was to do some promo art for Valentine's day, and we somehow managed! Special thanks to Raquel who was very excited and invested on this wonderful piece of Xal! 💜

I also worked on the Valentine's cards last minute and just for the funsies, so I really didn't expect them to be as well received as they were! Thank you all so much!

A bit of lore here: Raquel, Astro and I have a class assignment due in March where we have to fully design and render two backgrounds—one interior and one exterior. It's a ton of work, but luckily both Raquel and I have had the chance to orient at least one of those backgrounds to Lost in Limbo.

Raquel is working on Amon's office (and it's looking so great already!) and I'm doing an isometric view of Ara's room. We are always looking for ways to work on the game while doing our master's assignments, but it's not always possible. Hopefuly we can also work on two exterior backgrounds for the demo with this assignment!

A very simple man, Amon is. Can't you tell by how minimalist his office looks already? *cue laugh track*

This is just a sliver of our flowchart's power! You shall tremble!

This month has been more about planning than writing for me. Remember last devlog when I said I wanted to do some tweaks to the demo script? Well, I have at least been able to properly think about it and draft it. The only thing left is writing it down and implement it to the current script to see how it flows. There'll be even more changes (again) because I have some THOUGHTS (again), and I'm really excited about them. It's adding more content of each LI to the demo to balance things a bit.

I have also been doing some cleaning to our lore documents and I have finally sat down to write every little piece of story from Lost in Limbo in 'chronologic order', more or less. It will help me to always have the bigger picture in mind when writing the routes, and I would love to have everything important settled before the demo release. It's a loooooot of information—not only about the characters and their past overall, but about the world, its many systems, its people...It'll be equally fun and stressful!

In the programming department it has been all about adjusting positions, sprites and definitions to make all the characters fit properly in different scenarios as I code more of the script. Solo, with two characters in screen, with three, with four... It has been a ride (and still is, because I have not finished yet) but it's very rewarding to see everything starting to fall into place. I have also tested more things, like the CGs, the animated backgrounds or some cool transitions! I can't wait to implement the GUI when it's done, uuugh!

Just three besties going to the forest in the middle of the night. Nothing to see here.

This month we have an amazing preview of our GUI! It's still cooking, but we hope we can show you the finished version very very soon! We are soooo excited about it, it's looking perfect so far. There's a few changes to make, but we wanted to at least show you a screen so you can have an idea of how the game will look like!

We want to add more options like a dyslexic font, a skip mode that jumps directly to the next choice without having to wait for all the text to be skipped, and more utility / accessibility options!

Lost in Limbo and Ravenstar's color? Not purple, of course. Why do you ask?

This month hasn't been as productive as we would have wanted it to be, but we have managed to still get some progress done. We are begging for March to give us a bit of freedom, specially mental because we honestly need it. It has been difficult to deal with the pressure of our studies and the weight we place on our shoulders wanting to dedicate as much time as we want to LiL. It's frustrating! But we'll get there. Baby steps, as they say!

Exciting things are on the horizon, that is for sure. This devlog has been a bit short and I'm honestly exhausted, so I'll free you! Thank you so much for reading and for your unending support. We are incredibly thankful for all of you! 💜

#lost in limbo #devlog

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lieran03 · 1 year

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Black Hole

Ensemble Stars x you

Feeling down is normal, but what if this kind of feeling never left you alone? And it only grows to the point where you can't see the light anymore. Where you think everything is better without you

Unit: Knights

Pairing/ships: all members of Knights (a bit romantic for Izumi, general for the rest)

Words: 4.6k++

Warning: contains self-loathing, self-doubt, talking bad about oneself, thoughts of suicide, and the kinds!

ENJOY~!

She didn't really know what had happened. She even didn't realize how things going. It feels perfect as it is, but somehow at the same time, it didn't feel like one. She did her best in everything, she even just knew that everything went to the right place and moment. And yet, she still has a strange feeling inside her. The unsettling feelings tell her something is wrong. It's not as perfect as how she sees it. It's not as grand as she thinks it is. The achievement she currently feels? It is all only a fabricated truth she creates to console her own self.

She didn't want to believe it, she couldn't believe it. The numbness started to kick off. The void inside her brain. The blank mind keeps appearing once she hears the others talking. And just like that, her record has been flunked to the deepest end. The moment she can't even think about the next stage, the next costume, the moment she feels the blinding light burn her eyes. That's when she knows she has fallen. The feeling inside her grows and keeps growing, like telling her to just go away forever.

It was so sudden, it was too fast to even be called as the same one as the last. Isn't the problem her? She tries to find something, or maybe someone to blame for this darkness that starts to find a safe place inside her heart. But at the end of it, while she lies silently, she knows who to blame. It is her, after all. It was her fault in the end. The feeling was too overwhelming that at first, she thought it was only an illusion she made to run away from reality.

At last, even when she didn't know the core of the problem, she cries. She cries every night until her tears have dried off. And that's the moment where she believes, she didn't deserve to be happy.

"Practice has finished!" A loud shout startled the girl. She looks around, tries to recollect herself, and finds out where is she right now. "Don't forget we have a big live tomorrow! Especially you, Ou-sama."

"Sena is no fun! Live should be full of surprises, right?" The girl didn't notice it, but turns out the man called ou-sama-- or more well known as Leo--talk to her. "Is there something wrong?"

"Huh? What are you guys talking about?"

"Are you not getting enough sleep?" The blonde one asked, making the guy with red optics chuckle a bit.

"Then, I should do the job to cuddle you to sleep."

The girl chuckled a bit before she shook her head, the brightest smile was evidence, a smile that fool everyone inside the room. "There's nothing wrong, I'm getting enough sleep lately." Lies. How could she sleep when all she could think about was the mistake she did in the previous live? "I'm currently drafting the stage for Ryuseitai and Ra*bits next month. Tenshouin needs it this week, which means tomorrow since school will be off the day after."

"But, are you really okay, Onee-sama?" The red-headed asked with a frown on his forehead. Instead of showing weakness, the girl glared at the youngest in the group. "You have deep eye bags."

"If someone asked me that again I will be very mad, okay? This is my job, so that's fine. Everything has been going the way I want." Of course, that's just another lie. Up until that point of the day, she didn't know how much she has lied to the others. All she knows is that she has to.

The five of them look with doubtful stares, and yet the silver one decided to cut it. If she says she is okay, then it is just the way she says it. There's no point in playing detective or beating around the bush if the preparator didn't want to be caught red-handed. Still, with the biggest smile, the girl packed all of her belongings, the stage layout, the lyrics book, the costume book, and some of her school work too. The rest did the same, they didn't want to make the girl feel bad about going home first. At least, that's the only thing they could do to her for now.

Still with the same "stoic" smile, the girl bid her goodbye to the Knights' member. She bow quite deeply before she walk fast, not letting the others see her face nor her expression started to change. She can't keep it up, the more she stays with people, with humans, the more she wants to tell them all about what she was currently feeling. But, isn't that only burden them? She knows exactly that everyone has their own share of problems. And to tell at least one of them, to show weakness when she should be the pillar for them, does that even make sense?

There's no possible way she would tell Leo, the ou-sama of Knights. He has been through a lot, he has been to the deepest end and she did not want to bring him there once again. Once is enough, and she believes that the scar was still there. It's just that Leo has a knack for keeping secrets from others. Acting like everything is fine when in fact, he started to doubt his skill again. That's when she steps up as their temporary manager, their producer.

And then, there's Izumi. No one in their rightest mind would tell that guy. Not only he has a sharp tongue, but he indeed sometimes do not care about other if it did not involve him. He cares for Leo because Leo is his teammate. He cares for Anzu since she was the one who scheduled a lot of their lives and helps with their costumes sometimes. And so, does she even has meaning for that third year? Does she even have value in front of Izumi's eyes? She bet that she was nothing, especially when she did her job poorly.

People might think Ritsu and Arashi would be the best to tell about this problem. And yet, her tongue was tied whenever she wanted to tell the truth, to tell them that there was a pain inside her chest. Arashi always cares for others and she often forgets to take care of herself, how could she add the burden on her shoulder? While Ritsu, might be a genius like his brother, that doesn't mean he didn't have a lot of things going on inside his mind. His unit, his brother, his Mao, why would she add to the list? About her just feeling something is wrong?

Lastly, there's Tsukasa. He probably got no problem getting asked for help, but isn't that the problem? The fact that he doesn't mind being asked anytime, anywhere, and anyhow. It didn't scare her, it worries her. He has the burden of Knights since he was the only one in his right mind to keep Knights as a chivalrous unit. And so, that end of the reason why she did not tell anyone from the Knights even though she spend almost 24/7 with the Knights, either helping them study, practicing or even before live and after live.

While walking to her own home, where she knows no one will greet her, she could only wear her earphones, hoping that the music currently blasting loudly from there could swipe away the loneliness inside her. But the more she listens to the song, the more she realizes, she's alone. So suddenly she decided to stop, listening to the song intently. Why would the lyrics represent her feelings right now? Why does the song only grow the void inside her chest more? If there was a hole before, right now it was empty, there's nothing left inside her chest.

"Am I really going to be a good manager for Knights this week?" she mumbled while she put out the earphones. Stumbling a bit, the girl finally walked toward her room and put her bag just anywhere before she lies on the cold floor. At least she can still feel the cold, at least she feels something. "Why am I ... so pathetic?"

After mumbling the words, suddenly tears trickled down. She hates it. She hates when she's so weak, she hates it when she cries. Crying won't solve her problem, after crying she probably would have no energy anymore. And that can't happen, there's so much to do. With force, she finally rubbed her eyes, trying her best to stop the tears to continue trickling. The pain did make her think about the other thing, but still, something inside her push the button. And with that, the cries only got louder.

"Why are you even still alive? Why are you still here? No one needs you, and no one appreciates your hard work. You are working alone, why are you trying so hard to get praised? You are a failure ... all your work meant nothing. So, why?! Why are you trying so hard? Just why?!" The girl thumped on her chest, trying to feel something there instead of the pain and numbness. "No one loves you, so why are you still here ...? Knights are probably better off without me, they only need Anzu, right? Then it's alright for me to be gone ... right?"

After saying something like that, she cracked open her eyes, tears still evidence. After that, she looks around, trying to find something. It took a few minutes before her eyes fall on something on her desk. Crawling, and walking very hard, she tries to reach it. Once her hand touches the cold metal, her whole body shudder. This is it, right? She only needs to do this and everything will be fine. She can express her feeling. Or at least, she can get rid of the pain with it. Just once.

***

"Don't you think something is strange?" Arashi suddenly asked the Knights when they were changing. The live will be held in a few hours, so it's only right for them to get ready now.

"What is?" Izumi asked, his tone cold and agitated.

"Our manager," Arashi said once again, her tone stern, like scolding Izumi.

"Hm, now that you said it, I think there was something strange about her. Especially, her with that new wound every day."

Tsukasa nodded his head, agreeing with his sleepy senpai. "She rarely wants to put off her blazer too even though she's working outside and gets hit by the sun. I was worried and by accident asked her once."

Hearing what Tsukasa said made all of them silent, even Leo who was busy humming and composing some new song. All of their attention was on the youngest member, but he still didn't say anything, earning a whine from Leo who was already so curious about what will be the answer. Cautious about their surrounding, Tsukasa gathered them in one place and whispered the answer all of them needed.

"She said she's okay." There was silence for a long time, and after that, finally, Izumi snapped at the youngest.

"Do you think we are joking right now? Do you want to get slapped, huh? So annoying!" With his usual words, Izumi pinched Tsukasa's cheeks, earning a yell and whining from the youngest.

"Suo is annoying! We want the real answer!"

"But that's really what she said to me! The only difference was that she pull her clothes, like she want to hide something, and clenched her teeth when saying that."

Arashi sighs a bit, knowing very well where this will go. "Then there is really something wrong with her. Don't you think that we need to do something? After all, she's our manager."

"She didn't ask for our help, there's no use in helping someone who didn't need it," Izumi cut off Arashi's train of thought.

Ritsu stares at Izumi who has walked back to his place, now busy with his phone. "Secchan is really cold. If our manager tries something crazy, then I will blame it on Secchan. Don't you all agree?"

"That's right! I'm with you, Ritsu! It is Sena's fault!"

"Huh? Why is it on me so suddenly?"

But even when Izumi tries to complain and explain everything from his point of view, no one listens to him. With the fear of being pointed to be at fault, and with a hint of worry in him, Izumi thinks about sending a message to the girl. He sighs a bit, looking at his teammates who were getting their make-up done. Didn't know what to do, finally, Izumi decided to text her, saying that he want a drink right at this moment.

Panting, the girl that still uses her blazer even when she was sweating a lot finally knocked on the door. All of the Knights member, including Izumi, stares into the door when it creaks open, showing that their manager seems timid before entering the room. She didn't just bring drinks for Izumi, instead, she brings for all of them. First off, she went to Izumi and give him his drink before going around, earning a confused look from everyone.

"I'm so sorry that I forgot to bring you guys some drink."

"But we did not order it?" said Arashi, more like a question to herself.

"Uhm, yeah, yeah ... you guys didn't. But it's just what I should do, it's my work after all."

"Our manager is sure working so hard, I'm so glad to have our manager by our side," Ritsu cooed, hugging the sweaty manager.

"Ah, Kuma-san, please refrain from hugging me. I'm all sweaty from all the running and it will ruin your stage costumes." Ritsu only whined and hug tighter. But turns out, he slowly pulls off her blazer.

"It's hot here, you need to cool off. Here, let me help you."

"Kuma-san, don't ...!" But it was too late. Ritsu has succeeded in pulling her blazer. She was glad that she didn't decide to roll up her sleeves before so no scar will be seen. But even so, they can still see her fingers wrapped in bandages, almost all fingers. "T-this is from cooking! I know that Sena senpai strict with his diet, and Arashi-san need to look out for her body, that's why ...."

"Why are you working so hard when no one tells you to?" Izumi suddenly asked, his eyes full of menace, while his tone was like spatting hurtful truth. "We didn't ask you to cook, we didn't ask you to help us in every stage, we didn't even tell you to repair our costumes, so why did you do it?"

The girl flinched. Of course, she did all of that. Not because she was hoping for praise from them, but because she will feels like she was important that way. But can she even answer that? If she admits that, won't all of them say that she was just trying to get favored by them? That way, she was even more pathetic than she already was. No matter how hard she tries, no matter what she did, in the end, she's a failure.

Instead of answering with a real reply, she only mumbled a sorry. This was what make all of them question everything, but more importantly, everyone throw a glare at Izumi for saying such things to the girl when all of them knows that she was currently not in her right state of mind. Izumi couldn't care less, at least he can't show his own worry. Inside his mind, he has been cursing himself for acting so recklessly like that.

The words sorry didn't die only once, she repeated it a few more times before she stopped. Saying sorry too much will increase their suspicion and she did not want it. She has been okay, or at least she tries her best this past week to say she's okay. And yet, she had enough of her lies. She knows if she stays with Knights longer than that, she probably would start to cry. Especially, when Izumi's words rang inside her brain all this time. She could not hear anything and only Izumi's words.

So, after all, everything she did was futile, right? No one will like her, and no one will approve of her. She will still be a failure. As their manager, as their producer. How much she wishes that she could be like Anzu, isn't it better? Yumenosaki probably only needs one capable producer instead someone like her. A worthless one. And Izumi has approved her thoughts. She's nothing, she's nothing compared to Anzu. Even when they were the same age, she can't reach Anzu's level.

She often slacks off, not like Anzu. She often forgets things or schedule, unlike Anzu who remember them at the back of her mind. Anzu is always one step ahead of whatever the idol needs, not like her who easily forget to bring the drinks for the Knights member. She only need to take care of Knights, but Anzu need to take care of a lot other units. So why can't she do her job properly? Why can't she achieve Anzu's level?

Her face started to twist in agony. This has started again. The void. It feels like there was a black hole inside her chest, taking all of her and her rationality Everything that everyone said was true, so why would she get offended? She should have learned some self-control. She should have been braver and more selfless. No matter how hard she tries to do all of that, she only disappoints herself more. After all, she's only a failure, right? It's not her mind playing tricks. She is a failure.

Clenching her palm, drawing some blood from her palm, she decided that it was not a good time to show this side to the Knights, not before their stage. She did not want to show her monster to them. She's ugly already, why would she show the ugliest side of her now? Or maybe she could do that so Knights will let her go, isn't that a better thing to do? Shaking her head, she stops that thoughts. If she left the Knights now, she will give a lot of burdens not only on Anzu but the Knights' members. How can she do that?

All she could do only make trouble, how much pain would she bring to the other now?

Immediately she ran, fast walking away after saying that she has something to do again. After their manager was nowhere to be seen, four pairs of eyes turn to Izumi, wanting him to fix this. Izumi knows very well that it was, after all, his fault. Yet, he didn't know how to fix it. Maybe he will think about it tomorrow, or maybe after his stage. Or maybe never. Izumi can't think straight, not after he sees that she has no problem making herself hurt. It feels like she likes to be hurt.

Hours passed and the Knights' performance ended. When they went back to their waiting room, there were cookies, some other heavy food and low-carb snacks, drinks, and a note. Ritsu instantly know it was from their manager, but his eyes squinted when he found the handwriting was rushed. He shows it to the others, earning a low sigh from everyone. Izumi can't take any more of this, so he walked away, wanting to find his manager.

"She's been gone ...? No one sees her?"

"I do ask Shinkai senpai too, in case she went to the fountain. Ah, lately she likes to be there and Shinkai senpai even said sometimes she sits inside. When he asked, she said that she just want to try Shinkai's 'puka puka', and turns out it was refreshing."

"Such a crazy girl! What if she catches a cold after?!"

"I think Senpai already knows? She was down with flu yesterday, and everyone has been saying that for today's live, she can leave everything to us. But suddenly, she shows up and says sorry for being late." Anzu's information feels like a truck just hit him. Izumi really can't take this. What is actually wrong with her? Does she get obsessed with saying sorry?

"Did you hear anything else? Or do you know something more?"

Anzu seems thinking for a few minutes before she claps her hand, indicating she just remember something. "It was that one night. Knights didn't have any practice but I found her inside your guys' practice room. There, she was watching her own reflection. I can't hear what she says but ... she suddenly slaps her own face once."

"This is really frustrating! Why is she so annoying?!"

"Senpai, I know I'm not the right person to say this. But I think ... she often harms herself. You know, the feeling when you get an injury like to show you have done a lot and great things? I think she wants to validate her own work."

At this point, Izumi really didn't know what to do. Feeling suffocated, he finally say thanks to Anzu before searching for his manager around the school ground. Unexpectedly, he found her in the Knights' practicing room, alone, in the dark. If he didn't see her reflection, he probably won't notice her. Izumi didn't know if he should say he was lucky or not when he notices the manager didn't know he was there. So, he decided to walk slowly before showing up behind her.

"S-Sena senpai!"

"What do you think you are doing here?! Alone, in the dark! Do you want some crappy student to find you here and do something to you?! Do you want them to mess you up or something?!" Izumi's harsh tone succeeds in making the girl flinch. That's when he knows he messed up, that's when he knows, she's in that phase, again.

"I'm sorry, Senpai," she muffled, "I'm sorry that I became like this again. Even though you have already taught me to conceal these feelings."

"What ...?"

"You said yourself, stop comparing myself to Anzu. At first, I didn't, I didn't even know what was wrong. Am I just delusional? Or am I overworking myself? Can it be that I'm really going crazy? But Senpai ... the pain didn't go away. It starts to eat me, it starts telling me all the flaws I have. I'm not you, Senpai. I'm not ... perfect like you."

Izumi knows. He has seen this side before. It was a one-time thing and he thought it won't ever repeat. But, how many times does this kind of thing happen to her? How long has she repressed all of those feelings so the others won't see them? Izumi admits it. It was all his fault. He said to her, those feeling are not valid, that they only play, toying with her mind. But he didn't realize. Those feelings are what she feels.

"I'm sorry that once again I'm venting this to you. I'm sorry that I'm so weak that I can't even fight my own mind. I'm sorry that I'm ... me." The girl finally broke into small sobs. She can't no longer stare into Izumi's bright eyes. It pained her, to tell others about her own feelings.

Bewildered by what he found, Izumi walked slowly toward her before he engulfed her in his arms. He tries his best to share his warmth, even though his body mostly is cold, with the girl who was shaking. Who is at fault here? Him? Or is it her to have these feelings? Izumi can't answer it, he can't find the answer.

But he knows, there will always be a black hole inside someone's heart, a hole that will take all the confidence, all the happiness. Even though nothing is wrong, even when everything went just like what they expected, the hole will always be there and took away everything. Anytime they like without any break. And it was all his fault for not noticing it from the start. It was his fault for waiting for her to tell him. He didn't need her to tell him first to show, the hole has come back.

"I'm sorry that I can't be a better manager for all of you." Izumi knows it too, even when he said she's been doing great, her mind would only play tricks and say it was only for consolation. There were a lot of questions, and a lot of other answers he could give. But Izumi could only settle with one.

"I'm sorry too for not noticing this. Let's blame the hole inside our hearts. Let's blame them for existing inside. So, instead of hating yourself, let's hate the black hole there."

"Everything was so well, Senpai. Everything! The preparations went well, the music plays well, the singing was so good, the dancing was so on point, but why do I still feel something missing?"

"Can I fill in that missing piece? Will you let me be the missing piece you needed? The hole inside, can I be the one who fixes it?"

"You will get tired of me whining every day," she mumbled on Izumi's clothes, burying her head deep and inhaling his scent.

"You will be tired of listening to my scolding every day too, so aren't we break-even?" Izumi chuckled even when he knows it was not the right time. "You can fill my hole too when it came. I know that I always want to show you my perfect side, but this time, I will let you see my imperfect side too."

"I'm not good at remembering things," the girl suddenly said, looking up at Izumi's pretty face. "I can't remember how to prevent this hole to come back."

"Then let me remind you every time it came back. No, on second thought, just let them. Show the hole to me, and I will fill you. How was that sound?"

"I will bother you all the time."

Izumi chuckled again, this time with an annoyance--not a real annoyance--tone. "You will always be in my head, making me worry all the time. So, this is the only thing that I could do. After all, two pieces of a puzzle can complete the whole series, right?"

"Senpai is so strange." The girl shook her head, smiling a bit.

Both of them know it was not a genuine smile. But at least, Izumi can once again see that smile. A smile that shows, I will do it again, I will try to stand up again even if it's hurt. She too knows it too, there was still a hole inside her chest, the pain, and the suffocating pressure still there. Except for this time, she will face the hole with Izumi. She will learn once again how to fight it off. And Izumi knows it too. He will be by her side when that black hole started to grow.

"So annoying, you should have told me earlier instead of hurting yourself like this!" Izumi sighs, grabbing both of her hands that have a lot of bandages. "And I know that your mind still playing tricks on you. But I want you to listen to me. You are enough, you did well. You did not need any validation of your hard work. Because after all, you know the best for all of your hard work. At least, I know how hard you work. For now, let yourself rest in my arms."

With Izumi's last word, he once again brings the girl into his arms, he will remind her as many times as he needed to, that she was worth it, and she's worth more than any scars on her body right now are. She's worth even when she's broken.

***

A/N: first time writing on tumblr! I hope all of you like this Knights - Izumi story, even though I think it was too long. Though I really wish it's not boring. Please do tell me your thoughts on this story! I always love any feedback about my writing ^^

Also, sorry for the crappy ending, I really didn't know what to do. I still want to show that, that hole will still be there, but even so, they will be all right. So I hope this makes sense

#ran's writing #ensemble stars #fanfic #ensemble stars fanfic #ensemble stars x reader #ensemble stars x you #x reader #fem!reader #enstars #enstars x you #enstars x reader #knights #izumi sena #sena izumi

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crescencestudio · 1 year

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Devlog #30 | 04.27.23

Hi everyone!

We are back with a monthly update! If you all remember, last month I was feeling a bit burnt out, and I'm super happy to say I'm feeling a lot more like myself this month <3 Thank you to everyone who sent me a lil message/comment, I always appreciate them sm. I won't bore you with my gushing, but I am forever grateful for you all! With that, I'll get into the updates ^^

But first, it was someone's birthday this month! happy bday, hoe.

Writing

I have some exciting news! Kayn's route has officially entered the line editing phase, which is the FINAL stage of editing \o/ This will be the first route completed for Alaris, wow!!! Fenir's route is still going through developmental editing, but the changes are already super cute and he is giving ultimate grumpy baby energy, which we love to see.

I'm still chipping away at Druk's route. Honestly, I'm Very Sad I haven't made as much progress with him as I would've liked, but a lot of my time was dedicated to the enhanced demo this month, and between revamping the demo script, coding, voice acting, and edits for Kayn/Fenir's full routes, I just didn't have the time. I'm hoping this month, I'll finally Actually be able to get his first draft done <3

Art

We officially finished all Demo Backgrounds this month (wow!!). Having started revamping the demo BGs all the way back in, like, November, it's crazy that this first milestone has been reached! Now, it's only full game BGs left. I received the new Dusk Court BG recently, and she's stunning, so I'm excited for the more "core plot" BGs to start coming out :')

In honor of the enhanced demo coming out, I updated the sprite art for the LIs! I'll be getting to the side characters this next month, but I'm really happy with the new art. The differences maybe kinda small for some of them, but I think they look a lot cleaner, and I think the auras especially are pretty <;3 we also whoreified kuna'a

updated sprite preview for kayn, aisa, kuna'a, and etza

The full GUI was also finished this month. I just have to code them in, but it looks SO delicate and pretty and sharp. I'm so thankful to Alice for doing the most outstanding job with them---she is so talented!!

Sneaky peek of screens uwu

Additional Notes

I complained about it 29348 times, but I Finished the Voice Acting Coding this month uwu. That is probably the biggest accomplishment considering how much work it was reviewing all the lines, cutting them, and coding them into the game. I'm terrified for the full routes.

I selected the playtesters for the game so far. Thank you to everyone who applied! I wasn't able to reach out to everyone who applied, and I didn't want to have so so many playtesters, since filtering through everyone's feedback would be overwhelming. But there may come a time when I need more playtesters in the future, so please feel free to keep my little game in mind <3

It's been a bit since I mentioned my Patreon, mostly because I feel bad asking people for money and promoting a platform where people have to pay for content LOL. But it is there, and I do post to it! The reason I bring it up in this devlog is because the highest tier ($10) gets access to playtesting and the second tier ($5) gets early access to finished builds. With the enhanced demo slowly getting finished, I will be doing playtesting for the new beta build this upcoming month in May. SO if you want playtesting/early access to the enhanced demo, please feel free to check out my Patreon* ^^

*Note: If you’re interested in becoming a patron for the early testing/ playtesting, don't become a patron until May starts otherwise you will get charged for both this month and May ((unless you want to give me money for both months in which case u have my eternal love uwu))

Market Research

Lastly, I did a tiny bit of market research this month! I played Bustafellows after my dear friend Seyl (check out her and her team's game Lost in Limbo!!) recommended it to me.

Shu: why is his glove so slutty

And of course the game everyone has been talking about, I played the demo for Touchstarved.

Ais: my favorite, and it's not even close

Looking at these two, and I think I have a thing for smokers lmao. Anyways, I think that's enough from me, so that is all for this month's update! Stay safe, and see you all next month <3

#alaris #devlog #if u saw me post this 3 mins ago ur wrong #the way i posted it without a title or anything omg i'm a mess

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gertritude-art · 2 years

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Progress Update!

As promised, here is a progress update on DemonVN! This is just a general update of what I've done (or, at least, can remember doing...) over the past month or so.

GENERAL/MISCELLANEOUS STUFF

Character Sprites: I completely re-did all of Mordred and the Demon's sprites! They now have about 70-80 sprites between them, which is probably way too many, honestly.

^mordred and the demon reaction to this distressing count

Along with them, I finally attempted a Lillie sprite redraw, and am in the process of fixing the anatomy of Catherine and Mr. Li (there are. Issues). I will show those all off in the next progress report, probably.

Item Sprites: with the addition of a few new item sprites, I believe that these are 100% complete, minus any last-minute additions! great news: demonvn now has feet in it

Mordred’s Journal Extras (Glossary, Journal Entries): I decided to add these in as a fun extra thing for the game! The glossary covers in-game terms, and Mordred's journal entries detail some of his experiences moving to his new town. They're still in the process of being worked on, but we're getting there!

INTRODUCTION

In which Mordred tries to capture a demon, epically fails, and then gets himself possessed (shown above).

This section continues to be in development hell. Do not ask me how finished it is because I WILL start crying. The good news, though, is that I fully finished the section where Mordred has an evil monologue about much he wants to kill all his classmates! That doesn't seem like a lot, but it did involve a cg that took me way too long to draw for how simple it is + multiple new Mordred sprites.

I also am currently working on revising some of the opening backgrounds a little bit! They're almost done.

Anyway, all the rest of my progress has been tearing my hair out trying and failing to write some sections of this, so let's move on!

MIDDLE SECTION

In which Mordred is forced to search for a demon at his high school homecoming dance.

This middle section is currently a MESS of half-written/mostly written stuff that needs to be fully cobbled together, but the good news is that it IS getting written. Shout out to Stephanie and Catherine for having the worst sections by FAR to write... You would think they would be easy, but nope!!!!!

I have implemented a lot of the items, at the very least! Some of the writing around their use/getting them is missing, but they ARE there.

Also, other good news: the DJ booth background + Mr. Li's section is all basically done! He has a shocking amount of dialogue, actually, considering you can get him to comment on all five students in the game. I also drew up some expressions for him, but more need to be added :^)

^Mr. Li pushed to his breaking point (looks mildly annoyed) after hearing Mordred verbally reenact a “i was born in the wrong generation” youtube music comment

Most of Rusty's writing is also complete!! Very happy with how he's being presented :^) Now I just need to work on those sprites...

^Who’s this mysterious stranger with such a good taste in media...? Just kidding. It’s Rusty.

CLIMAX

In which multiple different characters all come together at once in the stupidest way imaginable.

So, I can't really get into the details of the progress I made without spoiling stuff, but I did do some writing for this section! I made some changes to how I wanted the endgame to go, which have in turn changed certain parts of this section. Overall, I'm happy with how it's coming along! Cannot wait for the inevitable [REDACTED] call-out post as a result of their actions here

ENDGAME

In which Mordred must deal with the consequences of his actions.

This outline for this section has been fully drafted, finally!!! who knew that changing it so that [REDACTED] would solve all the problems I was having with this + in various other sections. However, it is - for the most part - unwritten. Here's a section of the outline though

Along with this, I started work on one of the endgame backgrounds + I drew some of the items I needed for this section! Obviously, though, I can't show them off.....

EPILOGUE

Hopefully self-explanatory, given the name.

I did a little bit of writing for this, but for the most part, I've left it alone. It will be completed at some other time...

IN CONCLUSION...

Demonvn is currently at a whopping 35,000 words long (oh geez), and I would not be surprised if it was upwards of 40-45,000 by the time I get finished writing and editing everything. I remember when I thought it would be 1500-2000 max...

At the moment, my development is still slow, but it's being going at a steady pace at least! I still have no release date plans, and I don't think I will officially announce any until I am actually forcing people to beta test it.

Anyway, I'll put out another progress report on August 1! Lots of little things I need to work on before then, but my big goal is to finish at least ONE of the main sections. Who knows what that will be. Until then, I'll try to stay quiet on what I'm doing, but we'll see how well I can stick with that.

Anyway, talk to you guys later!

#my ocs #demonvn #wip #gamedev #EDIT: ADDED TWO MORE SCREENSHOTS

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rainslices · 1 year

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long time no update!! (what i've been up to, new project, etc)

hellaur tumblr people... it has been a while since i've written a proper update on things I MEAN, WELL, if you follow me on twitter, you would probably already have heard! but before i get into that, i first want to welcome all ye who recently followed. congrats for finding my tumblr!!! either that or you probably came from twitter. whichever route you took, be careful... because once you check in, you can never check out muahahahaha!!!

ON [JACKHAMMERED]...

first, look at this, i recently made a placeholder icon for jackham's itch io page!!! (it's currently an unpublished draft though)

this isn't even the final thing, but it still somehow slaps. why did i make a placeholder icon? it's to replace the old one, which was this

BLEGGH. i went ahead and made a better one, even if i'm the only person who can see it in its unpublished state LMAO. anyways. where am i now with [JACKHAMMERED], you may ask! good question over these past couple months, i've managed to draft a bunch of documents consisting mostly of worldbuilding and character essays. the jackham google drive has a total of (counts my fingers and toes) twelve docs, that's right, TWELVE, currently marinating in the drive. i didn't even know i had it in me! though here lies the problem- out of all these charming character profiles and location docs, only two of them are a 'plot doc'. two, 'cause the first one became half-finished and the vibes were just off whenever i came back to it, and the second one went a lil farther than half, but still suffered a similar fate.

in shorter words, i'm stumped. and i can certainly pinpoint it to not being able to narrow down jackham's scope. i know i want this game to be something great, something that is a culmination of all its wonderful inspirations, but my mind is in a constant tug of war between wanting it to be a chapter-by-chapter thing, or just one full game. it leaves me feeling scatterbrained and unfocused. and even if i DID know what i want, it still feels... well, big. my general plans for jackham feel ambitious for someone who's swan diving into renpy with 0 knowledge. im just one guy ! and so my solution to that is...

i'm making [In The Middle]

NOW I KNOW HOW IT LOOKS LIKE "another VN? but chaurchey ur already stumped writing for jackhammered, how can you possibly write for this one?!" the difference is that i feel comfortable in narrowing things down if i start fresh. i still want to work with the initial ideas i have for jackhammered, but i'm putting it away for now until i feel ready. at least with In The Middle, i hope to apply the experience i've gained and tackle jackham again. i'm sure boel, olned, and kade can wait for me in a couple of months. maybe more. so what exactly is [In The Middle]? picture this: the sun is slowly sinking, with you finally reaching the gate of your house after a long day. your plans upon touchdown consist of only two things: microwave dinner, and a well-deserved nap. but you would quickly forget them when a flash of light temporary blinds you- and now there’s a hooded stranger on your lawn; you have but four days to find out who they are and where they came from, before the inert copper megaminx in their possession becomes active once more. a newfound friend, a stranger, or perhaps something more; only you get to decide. "In The Middle" is a test game that's precedent to the production of [JACKHAMMERED]. the story will be separate, short, and non-canon (maybe! who knows!). it's mostly for me to test the waters so i can properly bite off what i can chew for jackham, while also having the freedom of experimenting! two characters and one outcome, but the choices you make affect the way it's delivered (nods nods). this feels like a scale i can work with, and i've already pumped out a bunch of concepts in a separate drive which makes me really excited to do this!! it just occurred to me how much the isekai concept keeps bouncing around in my head rent free, but with In The Middle, the opposite more or less happens. Pieve gets isekai'd to you

who the hell is Pieve

TADAAAA!!! meet Pieve, that very stranger whom that portal puked out into your lawn. naked and afraid, so to speak. and oh, the beauty of concept art... i take pride in the fact that their design isn't even final yet as i've got more things in mind i want to tweak before i give this chochi spawn the Chochi Seal of Approval. aaaaand i'm gonna leave it at that so i don't spoil stuff. after all, learning about them is the goal. writing sure is HARD. but god, so is reading. so if you sped-run and skimmed through the entire update post up to here, well done!!! i would've done the same!!! this took hours to write but i'm glad to just get this out of the way because my followers on here deserve an update too. in closing, i'd like to mention just how much i am proud of myself. not just with the progress i've made for this idea so far, but with just. everything. if you told the me from 11 months ago that i would all of a sudden be into making games, i would have not believed you. but here we are, trajectory of life changed and all! i hope you can look forward to [In The Middle], and soon enough, [JACKHAMMERED].

#not art #jackhammered vn #in the middle vn #game dev #i thought i would write more but tbh this is as short and sweet as it can get #i was working on my carrd and updating my socials #it kind of snowballed into making this update post after realising midway through updating my itch io page #which is all good for viewing btw! rainslices dot itch dot io #in other news im glad In The Middle and Jackham are getting warm reception on twitter #it's all the motivation i need to keep going cuz you know my mama all about raising a people pleaser!!!!!!!!! /lh

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clairelsonao3 · 9 months

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Writer Q&A Tag Game

Thank you to @winterandwords for tagging me in this one! I love Q&As, I don't care what the questions are!

1. What motivates you to write?

The pursuit of fame and fortune.

Just kidding. No, in all honesty, there was a time when I was obsessed with writing for the market. I still want to make money with my fiction someday, I'm not gonna lie. But actually, it's always been about telling stories that I know no one else will tell and that need to be told. If I'm that invested in a story, nothing will stop me from finishing it.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

This is the last section of the opening chapter of The Adored. And it's going to get changed, so don't get too attached. But the gist of it has stayed through all drafts:

CW: Mention of teen females (consensually?) groping a teen male:

Hell, before this year, he’d never left the state of Minnesota. He and Afton didn’t eat pie on a boat on their first date, either. They didn’t even have a first date. But he’s let the world believe it, along with a million other lies that look pretty under pastel filters and amazing in 200 characters or less. Lies that dance center stage, that come alive under the lights. The lies are Afton’s truth. Thayer’s truth. Social media’s truth.

But they aren’t ours. Micah's and my truth is different. It’s underground, rotting in basements and prison cells, and all the dark places he still prays never to have to go back to. It’s about the night I saw Afton with a man in a dark Jaguar that turns Micah pale when he sees it, about the chains that still choke his heart and soul. It’s the jagged puzzle whose pieces he relied on me to put together, then told me never to reveal — the whats, but not the whys.

It’s why we’re really quitting.

But there’s one last truth. It’s what he’s trusting me to find. Me, the gawky giraffe in borrowed Balenciaga, with a bass she can barely play. The blurry face in the background. The tacked-on name at the bottom of the story. Bandmate Isley Nash.

I want to ask him, why me?

But before I can, it’s over. He throws himself backward off the stage. His body arches through space like a supernova. This is the moment they’ve been waiting for. They caress him, groping his hair, his legs, his junk. His eyes close. He’s lost. He’s theirs. For them, there’s only tonight.

And unless I find that truth, tonight is all there will ever be.

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Micah (see above) is a reluctant teen rock star, a defiant rebel, a deadpan snarker, a (probable) murder victim, and my OG sad boi, so I'm always going to go with him.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

Editing. Drafting is trying to make something out of nothing, which is torture. Editing, meanwhile, is sculpting something you create (which is almost always terrible to start off with) into something good, which is fun and fulfilling. I will vomit unreadable, ungrammatical crap onto the page just so there's something there to edit when I go back. For me, that's where 99% of the real work of writing gets done.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Dialogue! I think my dialogue is often funny and entertaining. Can I say that? I'm saying that.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

Getting tagged to fill out Q&As like this and ramble about myself ad nauseum! No, seriously, the community I've found on Tumblr has amazingly changed my life in the best way -- and I've really only been here a few months! Here, I've found talented writers, engaged readers, and all-around wonderful human beings, who do not only NOT judge me for my bizarre tastes, but in many cases actually share them. Finding a community like that is rare enough in the internet hellscape where we often find ourselves, let alone IRL, and I will be grateful for it always.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I've reluctantly come around to Grammarly, even though I snobbishly thought I didn't need it. Oh, and chatGPT. No, I'm kidding. I have tried it out, though. (Haven't we all?)

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

CW for discussing slavery in a clinical, dispassionate way (IDK, might be a trigger for some).

I've long thought you can't really understand or write about slavery without understanding the basic economics behind it, whether historically or in a fictional context. In most fiction with institutionalized slavery, it's either completely controlled by a dystopian government or by one single, massive company. To me, neither seemed realistic, and I think this is where this world differs from other related ones. In the world of GSNBTR, slavery is like any other sector under capitalism: it's multiple businesses of various sizes and with different niches competing against each other for customers, while being regulated (relatively lightly) by the government (as lobbied for by special interests, of course). And that also means thinking hard about the kinds of roles slaves would be likely to fill in a modern society built on that system, where they come from (likely many different places), who would own, trade, and manage them (whether government, corporations, or individuals) and how they would be likely to be used -- ie., it's not just domestic servants and sex workers, in fact, those are likely the minority of slaves. The majority are fast-food workers, landscapers, cleaners, dishwashers, farmworkers, general laborers, etc. etc. I suspect some are also used in the entertainment industry in some capacity (i.e. some actors/musicians/athletes are literally owned by movie studies/record companies/sports leagues), but I haven't really puzzled this out in detail. This stuff isn't necessarily fun to think about, but it's a must in a story like this, and I definitely did spend a lot of time thinking about it.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Are you writing what you really want to write? Always write what you want, not what you think you should. And if you can't write just for yourself, write for just one person. The rest of your audience will come naturally.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

I have to of course start with the talented writers whose work was so amazing it drew me in and got me to stay: @little-peril-stories @starlit-hopes-and-dreams

And then, to my astonishment, they reached out to support me and my own work, at times in ways far beyond anything I ever could have imagined. 💕

And then! On various levels, I've been lucky enough to know and interact with @i-can-even-burn-salad @whither-wander-whump @rickie-the-storyteller @mysticstarlightduck @painful-pooch @tabswrites @burntcoffeewhump, and @winterandwords!

And there are so many more great folks that I'm only just starting to discover, such as the following I'll gently tag (as well as OPEN TAG for anyone I mentioned above -- since you're already here, after all -- and anyone else reading this! 😂)

@romanceandshenanigans @digital-chance

#tag game #q&a #my writing #writeblr #wip: the adored #gsnbtr

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