#i know it’s the self worth issues but open ur EYES | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

qtboni · 10 months

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helloo boniiii (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) i hope ur doing okay todayyyy i saw that you hve ur reqs open and i have an idea!

the way chubby!reader is insecure of how she looks and Simon notices it and comforts her? bye sorry im like so bad at explaining but what would Simon do?

HELLO, BABI ! omg u got me there. im one of those peeps who gets so insecure easily 😔 and really, i want a husband like simon who can comfort me in bad times 😭 thank you for requesting this !!

╰﹒ 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 !

PAIRING: Simon 'Ghost' Riley X Chubby!Reader

OVERVIEW: Simon reassures your insecurities with loving words, and you are overwhelmed with emotions, as he makes you realize the beauty in yourself that you can't see.

C/W: Hurt/comfort! body image issues, insecurities, mentions of body dysmorphia, intimate partner relationship (emotional support), reader expressing emotions and processing trauma, reader struggles with feelings of self-worth.

Simon's car doors shut with a loud thud, echoing through the garage and signaling his departure. A small sense of relief washed over you, knowing that you would have the whole day to yourself.

No more needing to pretend to be okay when you weren't. You slowly made your way to the bathroom and leaned towards the mirror. As you gazed into your reflection, the harsh lights amplified every imperfection.

'I hate how I look,' you thought to yourself as you gazed into the mirror. Every day, you spent too long in the restroom, staring at your reflection, trying to figure out what was wrong with yourself.

Your shoulders were too wide, tummy too fat, and your cheeks were getting fuller by the day. It also doesn't help that your legs look so big on you and the way your thighs would touch together quite so much. You felt gross and ugly, and it seemed like nothing you did could make a difference.

You sighed as you cupped your cheeks, pretending to pull them behind your face. You longed to be slim and thin, or at the very least, pretty. But no matter how hard you tried, it seemed like you were doomed to be the ugly duckling for the rest of your life.

"Why did I let myself get this way?" you wondered.

Tears started to fall from your eyes as your self-pity reached new heights. You didn't understand why everyone else seemed to have it all figured out, while you were stuck here, hating yourself more and more each day.

You wondered if you would ever be able to accept yourself for who you are, or if you would forever be doomed to feel inferior to everyone around you. It was a painful feeling, and one that you struggled with every single day.

Your eyes slowly shifted towards the mirror in the restroom again, and you let out a heavy sigh. Without even really thinking, you started to pinch and pull at your skin. Your fingers zeroed in on your thighs and you frowned, unable to help but focus on the parts of your body that you didn't like.

Your hand then moved to your midsection, and you stared at your reflection in the mirror, feeling defeated. You wanted to look different, you wanted to look like the pretty girls in the magazines and on social media.

You wanted to be beautiful.

Tears started forming in your eyes again, and you brushed them away before your sobs could come after. You didn't want anyone to see you like this - didn't want Simon to see. You didn't want him to know how much you hated yourself. But it was a constant struggle, and one that you fought every single day.

You pinched the fat on your stomach, pulling it from side to side and watching as it jiggled.

"Why can't I just look normal?" you asked yourself, your voice cracking.

You moved on to your thighs, pinching the flesh that had been collecting there over the past few months.

"I look gross," you said to yourself, voice barely above a whisper. "I hate.. my body."

Tears started to pool in your eyes as you began to pull at your cheeks and the edges of your mouth, trying to pull them back to make yourself look thinner.

"I just can't stand looking like this," you said to yourself again and again, your voice catching in your throat.

But no matter how much you pinched and pulled, you couldn't make yourself look the way you wanted. The image in the mirror still looked like you – tired, fat, and flawed. You turned away from the mirror, feeling defeated and alone.

You wanted so badly to be able to pull the fat away and make your face look the way you wanted. In your mind's eye, you imagined how much better you would look if you could just lose a few pounds, if your stomach wasn't so rounded, if your thighs weren't so thick.

But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't seem to make a single inch of difference. The cycle of self-doubt and self-loathing was never-ending, and it seemed like you were doomed to remain trapped in your own head, unable to break free.

But then you looked down at the sink, and saw your reflection in the water, distorted and warped. You realized that in trying to fix your flaws, you had only made them worse. Your self-imposed torture was only making you hate yourself more.

It seemed like an eternity before you calmed down, your breathing slowing to a normal pace once again. However, you were still on the brink of tears.

What if Simon saw you like this? Would he still love you?

But you knew that Simon was more than just a pretty face. He was kind and gentle, and he accepted you for who you were, imperfections and all. As you stood in front of the mirror, you then stared at your reflection with a mix of sadness and frustration.

Your heart sank at the sound of a knock, and you quickly dried your tears. Then, your heart raced as your tried to compose yourself. You knew it was Simon – your husband, and the one person who understood you the most. You guys had been through a lot together, and you knew you could count on him to make everything better.

"I'm coming!" you called out, your voice shaky. You took a deep breath and smoothed down your clothes before making your way to the door.

As you opened it slowly, you saw Simon standing there, a sympathetic look on his face.

"Hey," Simon said softly, his voice full of compassion. He walked in and gave you a hug, as if he knew exactly what you needed. You hugged him back, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. You knew that Simon would always be there for you, no matter what.

"Hi," You let out a deep sigh and rested your head on his shoulder. "You're back early?"

Simon's warm embrace was exactly what you needed. You felt your body loosen up and your heart start to calm down as you let out another slow, deep breath.

You felt him nodded against your shoulder. "Yeah, my plans got canceled," he said softly, rubbing your back in a soothing motion.

You leaned into his embrace, humming a reply, feeling a sense of comfort. You needed this, you thought to yourself. You needed someone to remind you that you weren't alone, and that there were people in your life who cared about you – people who loved you just the way you are.

Despite your best efforts to hide your feelings, it was obvious that something was wrong. Simon squeezed your shoulder gently, as if he could sense what you were thinking. He knew that you were going through a tough time, but he also knew that you needed someone to talk to – someone who would listen and understand without judgment.

You took another breath, feeling a wave of relief wash over you. You were grateful for Simon. Grateful that he was in your life, and that he was there for you when you needed him the most.

"Is something wrong?" Simon asked, his tone soft and gentle.

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to respond. You didn't want to appear weak or needy, but you also didn't know how to hide your emotions from Simon.

"Love?"

Finally, you replied, "I'm just having a bad day. It's nothing you need to worry about."

"But.. I am worried," Simon said, his voice filled with concern. He pulled away from the hug to look at you. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I.." You sighed, feeling the weight of your insecurity and self-hatred bearing down on you. "I don't know, Simon. I just feel like I'm not good enough. Like I don't measure up."

"What do you mean?" he asked, the confusion on his face evident.

You looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes. "I, um, hate the way I look, I guess," you replied, trying to convey the depth of your dislike for yourself without stating it outright. You didn't want to burden him with the full extent of your self-loathing.

You watched as Simon's expression changed, going from confusion to concern. You sighed, knowing you had to be careful with your words. "It's just... I hate my body," you finally managed, your voice barely above a whisper.

Simon's eyes widened slightly, and you could tell he was beginning to understand.

"Oh, baby," he said softly. "You're beautiful, inside and out. I know it's hard, but try not to focus so much on how you look. There's so much more to you than that."

Simon leaned closer to you, his hand reaching out to hold your waist and the other at your chin. You looked up at Simon, grateful for his understanding and compassion.

"I know, but it's just so hard sometimes," you replied, your voice breaking again.

Simon pulled you into a hug, holding you close. "I know, love. But you're not alone. I'm here for you. You're not defined by your appearance. You're a kind, caring person, with so much to offer the world. Why'd you think I chose to marry you?"

You clung to Simon for a moment, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the love he held for you.

"My love," he continued, brushing a stray hair from your face to tuck in your ear. "You are more than enough. You are an amazing person, inside and out. I'm not just saying that. It's the truth. Understand, baby? The truth."

"I ... I can't do this," you choked as your sobs echoed the bathroom. It was all too much. It's as if you don't deserve all of his compliments to your body.

Simon took you into his arms, holding you close and rubbing your back soothingly. "Tell me, baby," he asked, his voice full of concern. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

You took a deep breath and hesitantly told him everything – about your insecurities, about how you never felt good enough, about how you hated how you looked like.

You leaned into Simon's embrace, seeking the warmth and comfort of his presence surrounding you. You close your eyes, trying to gather your thoughts and put them into words.

"It's just... I can't stop comparing myself to other people," you said finally, voice low and strained. "And every time I look at myself in the mirror, I just see all the things that are wrong with me. I can't seem to love myself, no matter how hard I try."

Simon squeezed your back, listening to you attentively.

"I know you mean well, Simon, but it's just so hard sometimes," you said, your voice still low and emotional. "I feel like everyone's always staring at me and judging me, especially when I wear something that shows off my body."

Simon's hand stroked your hair, trying to soothe your frazzled nerves. "You're beautiful, baby. And no one has the right to make you feel otherwise." He paused, his voice full of quiet intensity. "If anyone says anything to you, I'll deal with them, I promise."

Despite feeling down, you find yourself chuckling with tears in your eyes. His jokes were just so random and out of place, but you appreciated it nonetheless. Simon's voice was gentle and comforting as he pulled you closer to the hug, swaying your bodies in a slow, rhythmic motion.

"Tell me, pretty baby," he whispered, his eyes locked onto yours. "What's eating away at you?"

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your courage before you answered. "Well, it's my cheeks firstly," you said quietly, voice shaking slightly. "They're too huge.."

Simon's arms tightened around you, his voice filled with compassion. He leaned away from the hug and cupped your cheeks together. "Huge? Really, baby?" he asked.

"Yes, really..." You leaned into his embrace again, feeling the warmth of Simon and the love he held for you.

"Pretty baby," He said, cupping your cheeks again together. "I love these chubby cheeks you have. It makes you look like a hamster and god, you look so cute with them, don't you know that?"

"But everyone else has a perfect appearance," you said, voice barely above a whisper. "I feel like I'll never be able to measure up."

Simon's eyes closed for a moment, as if he were searching for the right words to say. "You don't have to compare yourself to anyone else," he said finally, his voice fierce. "You're perfect just the way you are, my love. And I'll always be here to remind you of that."

Simon then kissed both of your cheeks affectionately and you feel tears welling up in your eyes again. He asks, "Do you have any more?"

You sighed. "What about my hips and thighs?" You continued, voice shaky with insecurity. "They're too big, too curvy. I'll never be able to wear the things I want to wear."

Simon's face softened even more as he listened to your words, his eyes full of understanding.

"Sweet baby," He coos at you and carefully places both of his hands onto your waist. "Your hips and thighs are a part of you, and they're beautiful. Nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. Your curves are beautiful and I love how it fits well in my hands when I hold them to touch you."

Your tears wouldn't stop running down.

"They're my love handles from you, my love," He added and it had struck a chord in your heart. You felt a weight lifted off your shoulders. His words had been like a balm to your soul, and you leaned into his embrace more, feeling a sense of peace and comfort wash over you.

Your tears continued to fall, but they were no longer those of sadness and insecurity. They were tears of gratitude, for having found someone who truly valued and loved you for who you are – curves and all.

You looked up at Simon, your eyes shimmering with a mix of joy and gratitude. "Thank you, Si’," you whispered, sniffing as you do so.

Simon stroked your cheek gently, his eyes full of love and affection. "You're welcome, baby. Fuck, I love you so much. Don't you ever forget that, okay?"

Simon's words hit you like a ton of bricks, lifting a weight you didn't even realize was there off of your shoulders.

"I love you too, Si'." You replied and rested your head on his shoulder, softly breathing in your choked sobs.

"I just want to love myself like how you love me." You cried into his embrace, all of the pain and insecurity you'd carried with you for so long finally coming to a head.

"I believe in you, love," Simon replied, his voice filled with conviction. "You're strong and capable and beautiful, inside and out. You don't need anyone else's approval to be those things. And I promise, I'll always be here to remind you of who you truly are."

You felt his arms tighten around you, his embrace warming you from the inside out. His words of encouragement filled you with a newfound sense of confidence, and you felt a sense of hope rising within you.

As Simon's words registered with you, you felt the weight of the tears rolling down your cheeks like an onslaught. You had been carrying the burden of your insecurities for so long, and the idea of someone else understanding what you were going through, and even accepting you for who you are, made you feel like maybe there was still hope.

Simon's embrace grew even tighter as he held you, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took. You could feel the comfort and warmth exuding from his body, and it made you feel like you were at home.

"Thank you," you said, nuzzling into his neck further. "I don't know what I would do without you, Si'"

"You'll never have to find out," Simon replied, his voice full of determination. "I'll be here for you, always. You're not alone, love. We'll face your insecurities together."

With those words and a kiss to your shoulder, you felt a sense of peace and acceptance wash over yourself. You knew that, with Simon on your side, you could get through anything, even your own perceived flaws and imperfections.

You leaned into his embrace more, feeling safe and loved for the first time in what felt like forever.

A/N: what the fuck. this made me cry again holy shit this rlly hit a nerve inside. what have u done to me anon !! jk i love this <//3

and to anyone who related to this, if you're feeling insecure about your body and struggling with body image issues, it's important to remember that you are so much more than your appearance. Everyone has their own unique features and qualities that make them special and valuable. Try to focus on your positive traits, both inside and out :) Surround yourself with supportive people who see you for who you truly are and appreciate you for all that you are. Remember that it's okay to have days where you don't feel your best, but try to be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to heal and grow <//3

Remember that you are not alone, and there are people who care about you and can help you through this difficult time !! It might be helpful to seek professional help or support groups if you feel like you're struggling. Ultimately, remember that your worth as a person is not tied to your appearance or weight. You are so much more than your exterior and deserve love and kindness no matter what. <//3

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lafayette-paw-arts · 2 months

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Ur blog srsly brings us the vees polycule we needed. Do you have any angsty hcs 👀

I am glad to bring it! As a poly person myself I was very upset the Vees aren't canonically poly, I was so excited for the rep

As always your wish is my command but careful what you wish for~

Valentino has hit Vox with the glass cups he throws before, it shattered Vox's screen because of the force and Valentino completely panicked. He vowed to never throw things again but being Val it didn't last very long, he's now hyper aware of when he throws something near Vox so it doesn't hit him. While Vox usually sidesteps to move further away from the impact point he knows if he stayed put it wouldn't have hit him.

Velvette once forgot about the extermination and went out to get something an hour before it started, she got caught up in the extermination and got badly hurt. Thankfully the boys were there to protect her and get her back to the safety of the tower.

Vox had also been hurt badly that night because he stalled for time so Valentino could get Velvette back to the tower, Velvette felt so guilty after that, she knows her stupid mistake could have gotten them all killed.

Vox has serious insecurity issues but he rarely talks about them to his partners despite how much they want him to open up, he's worried if he does they'll realize he's not worth their time.

Velvette has scars on her thighs from a particularly bad ex she had when she first got to hell, the boys asked about them only once but when she quickly shut down all questions about it and practically bolted from the room they mutually understood they were never going to ask her about it again. If she wants to tell them she will.

Vox has a nasty scar that runs down his back, Valentino and Velvette assume it's from Alastor but they have no confirmation or denial, Vox keeps it hidden as often as he can.

Val has several scars across his midsection, he's told the others where they came from and the three of them will take the secret to their second graves.

Vox has a special technician he pays a lot to deal with his electrical components including the bigger shit like having to replace his screen or in rare cases of severe damage his whole TV needs to be replaced (tho sometimes it is replaced for upgrades).

He's scared he has to leave his fate in someones hands like this but he doesn't have any other choice. He refuses to let Velvette and Valentino in while his technician is working on him. He feels vulnerable enough during this without them witnessing it.

Vox doesn't tell the others if he's not feeling well, he usually locks himself up and tries to deal with it himself, if it ends up being a problem for his technician he calls them, but if its not he tries to deal with it himself without the other Vees finding out.

Velvette has deep self hatred issues, she's always trying to dress better, look better, be better, but it's never enough for her. The boys try their best to show her that she's more than enough, sometimes she believes them, most of the time she doesn't.

When one of the others is hurt the other will be by the bedside keeping an eye on them. Vox will usually be trying to keep things in all of their departments running while the other one deals with the one who is hurt, it's easier for him to bury himself in work than to worry himself sick.

If Vox himself is hurt Val and Velvette will shut the whole damn tower down and sit with him.

Vox made Valentino cry once, he can't even remember what he did to accomplish it but it freaked him out so badly, he never thought he'd see the moth cry and it was definitely a "NOPE! NEVER AGAIN!!!" moment for him.

Vox and Velvette both struggle to talk about serious matters when it comes to the relationship, Val is just much more open.

Velvette doesn't usually have an issue asking to be held when she's feeling like she isn't enough, but Vox struggles hard, very often unable to ask even for a simple hug because he doesn't feel like he deserves it.

Valentino has severe abandonment issues. He really hates being alone in the penthouse so if the others are working he's usually down in the studio bothering some of his employees for random reasons just to keep from being alone.

Valentino always worries that he's too clingy and that the others hate it. Actually they love that he's clingy and snuggly, they tell him that often, he doesn't always believe them.

They each have their own way to calm the others down. Vox will calmly talk them down, Velvette will give soft touches and hugs, and Valentino will use his wings as weighted blankets and allow the others to play with the fluff at the edges of his wings until they're calm.

Alrighty that's all I got, hope you like it!

As always if you want more please let me know!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin valentino #hazbin velvette #the vees #valentino #poly headcanons #polyamory #vox #angst #angsty headcanons

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shytastemakerthing · 5 months

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Hi! Could I get a matchup My Hero Academia and Twisted Wonderland please! I haven't got properly into Twisted Wonderland yet but I want to have a character to keep in mind for when I do.

Name: Eren

Age: 19 (almost 20)

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Straight

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

MBTI: INFJ

Personality: I'm pretty quiet in social settings but if someone talks to me first, I can keep a conversation going. I will occasionally go up to someone to initial a conversation but not very often. With people that I'm close with, I'm very open and sarcastic. And I make a lot of self-depreciating jokes (even though I have a high self worth).

Likes: Reading, writing, anime, video games, Marvel, and listening to music (stuff like Hamilton, Panic! at the Disco and Offspring). Dislikes: Spiders (deathly afraid of those), being forgotten when I'm gone, and disappointing those who I care about.

Looks: I'm 164cm (5'4") and have an average build (not too curvy but definitely not straight up and down). I have green eyes that everyone thinks are brown and curly/frizzy dark brown hair that is just below my shoulders.

Extra Info: I'm at university and am majoring in English and Writing. I regularly get distinctions and high distinctions with my assignments and have very high expectations for myself. I want to be a published author and have written several manuscripts.

I hope the rest of your day goes well for you!

A/N: Hello and thank you so much for your request!I hope that you enjoy both of your match-ups! They're a little shorter than what I usually do as there are 2 and I'm still trying to work through the rest of the inbox. Enjoy!

Twisted Wonderland will be first, and then MHA

Tw: None

I match you with.........

Idia Shroud

Say hello to the king of self-depreciation. Literally, nearly every time you see him in the game, he is putting himself down (man really doesn't know just how handsome he is, even Vil Schoenheit himself has said that Idia is, in fact, a very handsome man). He may talk down on himself, but there is no way he is about to let you do the same to yourself. In his mind, you are quite literally UR+ tier and he will constantly remind you of that.

Now, chances are you met Ortho first before Idia, given that Idia is one hell of a hermit and usually only attends class via his magical floating tablet. Ortho ended up approaching you first as soon as he heard you mention the latest anime that you're into, and wouldn't you know? His brother is currently obsessing over the same anime!

Thus, you find yourself being taken to Ignihyde via a very excitable robot child. Now, Idia did have a full panic attack the moment his brother arrived with a literal person ( a real life, air breathing person), into his room. But lets just say that the moment you saw the same anime he was currently watching, he noticed the same look he gets when he obsesses over a new anime or game. Now you have yourself a permanent spot in his room.

Idia is tall, being just under 6'1'' with the potential to grow a little more (most people don't finish growing until around 20-23, at least from what I have learned), so there are times he will crack some short jokes. It's how you can tell that he has warmed up to you, likes you, and much more. Hardly anyone sees that side of him. And you're dating him, so it all works out.

He absolutely loves that you write. Now, the man has money, finances aren't an issue to him, now he gets to spend it on you. Whatever it is that you need for your writing endeavors, just let him know and he will have it all for you by the end of the day.

Overall, you managed to make yourself a nice little home inside the shut-in housewardens heart and he doesn't plan on evicting you anytime soon. He absolutely loves you and while he may be introverted and terrified of people at times, he will always protect you in his own way.

I match you with...........

Eijiro Kirishima

You were first approached by him after everyone had moved into their dorms and had gotten done with a rather long day of training. Everyone was basically just kinda mingling with one another and he took notice of how you were just kinda off on your own. And that wouldn't do! Meaning he was quick to approach you, striking up a conversation quite easily and the two of you quite literally talked for hours.

After taking notice that basically everyone was gone and it was just the two of you still out there, he did the manly thing and asked if he could walk you to your dorm, and of course, you agreed. Once there, you both exchanged numbers and bid each other goodnight.

Thus, a beautiful relationship was formed between the both of you.

He takes notice of how much you love to read, and more importantly, what you love to read. There are a few times where he will come to class with a book that he had found that he thought that you might be interested in, and he does this quite often. After all, what kind of man doesn't provide for the woman that he loves?

While he knows that you hold yourself in high regard, he doesn't really like the self-depreciating jokes. A couple of times, Eijiro came to you about the concerns that he had and he was just glad that you at least did have high regards of yourself, but it hurts him to hear you say these things.

Music buddy! I swear this man must have a really good music taste just by looking at him! This means that the both of you will just have all out little concerts in either of your dorm rooms. It's one of his favorite ways to spend time with you.

Overall, Eijiro is a dedicated partner and is always there to protect you should the moment ever arise. He loves to see the smile on your face when he manages to find a new book for you and then hears you talk about it. He wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

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thelonelyafab · 7 months

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oh my god another rant yay !!!!!!!

ermmm i guess this is autism adjacent but like i really hate how some people i really care about treat me !!! like a lot and i hate feeling so bitter about it but like idk it fucks with me sososo bad!! like,,, idk it’s pretty well known that i’m autistic and i know i struggle with tone and eye contact (i’ve gotten better about this one) and generally not being terrible with interrupting people but like oh my fucking god like………….. i was seeing a friend that i hadn’t seen in awhile and i’ve been kinda mentally a mess lately and i tried opening up to them about it and (keep in mind i feel like i’ve come to them with a lot of problems that are serious to me) and they were being receptive i guess but then they said “i think this is the first time i’ve listened to you be serious about something”…… like oh i have just been some ironic jokey person to you and you thought that time i was borderline sexually assaulted by one of ur friends was a silly joke!! like i didn’t cry to u about it!! like how the fuck do i come off to people i do not get it like i know i like to joke around a lot but like i feel like i’m pretty clear when i need to be serious and like does that just not read at all to people is my tone wrong or what. or like is it just impossible to fully see me as a person!!! idk this feels dramatic but like,,, i really do feel like i’m perceived as a person who isn’t capable of a lot of emotions or i’m perceived as a person not worth taking seriously and like i’m still in a daze that this person thought i had never been serious with them before. idk it’s really messes with my sense of self because i feel like i’ve made so many strides dealing with autism and i hear that and it makes me realize that that isn’t true at all and i am barely a person to some of the people i care about. i ummmm know i have my issues but i am really struggling with the fact that maybe it’s way worse than i thought and that i’ve just convinced myself that im better at masking/being normal.

anyways i am sobbing in the gender neutral bathroom and going crazy because i forgot my vape at home today

#that’s all!

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hiorintruther · 1 year

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hi hello~ can i mayhaps ask for more thoughts about hiorin?

i read ur headcanons and now theyre stuck in my head lol

u dont have to if u dont want to ofc!! have a nice day!

Ooooo sweet summer child, little do you know that you’ve opened the floodgates now! (This is very disorganised and off the cuff my apologies)

———

Okay, so Rin and Hiori interact for this 1 panel in the U-20 match and it’s one of their very few interactions ever, but that ONE panel was basically the only time in the whole game that Rin wasn’t insulting people to high hell and threatening to kill them. Hiori just helped him stand up and was like “are you okay?” and Rin was like “yeah I’m fine (I’m not fine)”. And from that sliver of an interaction, the ship was born!

Later on realising that they both have similar interests and their personalities would probably gel well together if they actually had the opportunity to hang out, it only added much needed fuel to my very small fire. Hiori feels like a calm too Rin’s rage, whereas Rin is the more emotional of the two, no matter how hard he tries to hide it. Hiori is quite perceptive as well, so I think he’d clock on to when Rin is unhappy. I also think Hiori would appreciate having someone around who isn’t very invasive of his privacy and is able to fill time with solo activities.

Where I can see potential conflict (and angst) arising is that Rin might want more verbal affirmation that he’s appreciated and loved by Hiori, whereas Hiori tends to show his love through actions. On the flip-side, Rin isn’t the best at compliments himself so Hiori might get annoyed that Rin is making fun of him or talking down on him in a condescending way when Rin doesn’t really mean to. I reckon if they could get over this hurdle though, their relationship would very much be defined by what happens in the silence. The little acts of love and affection. Hiori having a second controller at his desk at all times even though he prefers to play solo. Rin cooking proper meals for them both. Their sides of the couch having their favourite cushions and blankets.

On the note of that, I like the idea that 99% of the time, when they’re watching movies together they sit on opposite sides of the couch. That’s just the way they do things. But then, there’s that 1% of the time. Maybe Rin had a bad day and is feeling upset. Maybe Hiori is extra cold. Then, they can cuddle on the middle of the couch. It isn’t something they discuss or plan, they just know to do it. They don’t really talk while cuddling nor do they acknowledge the act in any way. It’s another one of their ‘silent shows of affection’.

Oh, but one thing that isn’t silent is Hiori’s laugh. Oh god, his laugh makes Rin melt. Hiori doesn’t laugh often but when he does, oh boy. And if Rin makes him laugh? It’s the one time Rin doesn’t feel like he’s being laughed at. It feels like Hiori is genuinely happy. Of course, Rin tries his best to hide his blushing face behind a facade of cool collectedness, brushing off the laugh with a cold remark, but Hiori knows what’s really going on.

I do think Hiori wouldn’t know exactly what to do if Rin was very upset specifically about his self worth issues and comparing himself to his brother. However, Hiori will try his damnedest to help. My best guess is that he’d be there with hugs and gentle touches and would probably just try to run though things objectively with Rin. He’d be rational about everything Rin says (if Rin is ever willing to open up at all) and would put everything into perspective. If things were getting more emotional for Rin (I’m taking potentially tears, which would be very rare because he’s mister “I nEvEr CrY”), Hiori would cup his cheeks and look into his eyes — the same eyes Rin hates about himself — and talk calmly, bringing Rin back down from the heights of anxiety and stress.

I don’t want this to turn into a “Hiori is Rin’s therapist and personal carer” moment because Rin definitely does his fair share for Hiori too. Hiori doesn’t have a healthy schedule most days. He sleeps at 4am, spends more time cooped up in his room than a NEET in wintertime and has the diet of a 12 year old kid who was told they were allowed to pick their own meals. Since Rin is pretty finicky about schedules and personal health, he’d probably be there reminding Hiori to sleep at midnight and go out for walks every now and again. Rin is also tidier than Hiori, so things stay more in order when he’s around.

I like the idea that Hiori talks about Rin a lot to Nanase specifically, and specifically in DMs. It’s more comfortable for him to gush over text than in person or over call. The way he talks about Rin to Nanase is kinda snarky but also sometimes unusually sappy. Rin is never reading these DMs, obviously. When they first got together, the amount of freaking out Hiori did had Nanase rolling.

On this note, Rin and Hiori never really officially confessed to each other. Not in a conventional way, at least. As with most things, their eventual slip from platonic to romantic relationship was very silent and largely defined by action. They’d sit closer together. They’d eat together more often. Their hands would brush against one another while on walks. The feelings were obviously brewing but by the time either of them brought it up, they’d already basically been dating for months. It was very much a “hey, are we dating?” “Uh, I don’t know? Do you want us to?” “Uh, sure?”. Their behaviour never changed after the fact.

———

Well then, I hope you liked these. I’m surprising myself at how many ideas I have for these two considering they interacted so little. Maybe I should write a fic about these two at this point? I’m very busy but idk I might be able to squeeze out a one-shot.

#blue lock #bllk #hiorin #blue lock hiori #blue lock rin #yo hiori #itoshi rin

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sewercentipede · 2 years

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Why give a shit about what these asks say? At the end of the day it’s all just notifications on a screen, their opinions aren’t even worth answering back or posting something about. It’s all just drivel.

yeah i mean, ur right, especially when it’s some weirdo incel who can’t think of anything to say, but what bothers me is the fact that drug use is low hanging fruit to ppl in general ... it is a mentality that is uncomfortably common and needs to change. like asks r drivel but they indicate how ppl feel and act irl too.

i lost my best friend after 16 years of friendship because she couldn’t see past the stigma of my drug use and didn’t understand what addiction meant for me and how it affected me and she didn’t want to. nor did she believe i had quit the drug I was addicted to. she didn’t even know what I was addicted to or why, she wouldn’t let me explain anything bc i just suddenly became a junkie for life in her eyes, like the lowest of low scum basically, so whatever I said she could write off as a lie, or otherwise gaslight me, bc i had been heavily addicted to benzos for one year (really 3 years but she only knew about or I guess noticed the 3rd year). never mind that she’s needed to be high 24/7 for the past decade; it’s different bc it’s weed.

my husband’s sister is similarly extremely judgmental about opioid and benzo drug addiction, meanwhile she’s an alcoholic and addicted to ketamine.

another thing — a lot of people who do this, including my friend, consider themselves really open minded progressive people who value human rights and civil rights and don’t tolerate bigotry. some of them consider themselves leftists/communists. I think it’s an issue that those values and that understanding stop at drug use and drug addiction. when it’s convenient to do so at least. like imagine calling someone ugly or fat in an argument; it shows u think those things are worth insulting and make the person lesser and they should be ashamed about it. and that you think those make the persons stance weaker somehow. bringing up someone’s drug use in an argument where it isn’t relevant is just like that.

but especially if someone considers themself a leftist they should understand that not only did/do drugs get pushed on people by hospitals and pharmaceutical companies (and the literal CIA), we all are trying to cope with a fucked up society made so by capitalism and for a lot of people that involves self-medicating

ok lol sorry this got so long

#over here just rambling and ranting to nobody like an old geezer #but yeah idk it feels important and personal to me because my best friend dumped me over this...#and its like she suddenly was a totally different person bc i was different to her #and ppl just treat me differently.. they treat me like I’m fuckin stupid

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its-inevitable-lupe · 1 year

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I think when I struggle with my own self I think of you and sometimes I open my eyes. I know I lied to you many times.. more than you won’t know. I know I wasn’t honest. I wasn’t unfaithful but I let & went afterwards or let others entertain or not exactly like that but didn’t stop. I know my trauma, my bad part got the best of me. I made you cry more than anything & sad… which I never want to do or treat poorly or maybe take charge. In the past I use to hate myself while healing. I deserve it. I think our mistakes make us grow and not do again. Sometimes I think we are meant to be. Sometimes I think we need space & will come together years later. Sometimes I excuse all you did. Sometimes I think you’re someone I never want to remember feel or think existed these three years. Sometimes I think love is not what we had. Sometimes I think you disturb me because as much as you said you cared for me Maybe you never did. Maybe you do not know what it is. My accident showed me your true self… mad at me for what??? Then lie to me as if I been behind you all this time while you’re with other people. Because deep down you didn’t get over me. My trauma & me confiding in you. trusting you. I forget you know a little too much of me. Then blame me and told me why I would say it to you when you said I could. Blame me a million times. And you traumatized me with your person stories that I could never sleep for months because I loved you so much and I couldn’t think of someone hurting you. I would kill for you. But damn even till this day when I hear stories I think that I hope you are healing for that. Anyways.. even I was scared to tell you anything when I had told my mom months ago & I was silently deeply struggling with it and feeling disgusting and judged with myself. How I had two jobs and you couldn’t care about me or my schedule. How I had horrible anxiety addictions and you never noticed. How you enjoyed manipulating me and abusing me & I guess we both drag each other. I’m bothered how you never heard the sadness and hurt in my voice many times. How I was beyond fucking a nervous breakdown every week. How I had major heart issues because of it. how I had to be on pills. I went to the hospital because you were a reason. Only one person knows of this. How love the emotion is truly my destruction and love should be beautiful and peaceful daily. And I don’t blame you for everything but you didn’t stop. You push me. Always. But I guess ur younger so yeah a part of me will take accountability idk… seems fair right? Your words never hurt me, the buddy death threats and shows you would do publicly and lie in front of everyone and ur friends never hurt me. Not even you telling me of other people you been out with or were… and girl you’re a liar and honestly an emotional cheater and you can say no.. but we all been. And I could of gone and ruin things but I would never. You are not the bigger person & never been. I have not been. We both are trash what we have done & grown up at a lot. Someone who tells their ex after years that oh a future and maybe yes. While being in another situation. Dear you’re shitty. Just like me. But I would never do that to someone or say. Because I never claim to love them. There are many times I should be upset, sad & even you telling me to take drugs, drink knowing how I struggle. Like nothing you have ever said to me hurt me. I hurt me, that’s my biggest pain. People have hurt me my whole life that I never get hurt. I don’t feel it. Parts of me would see you and parts of me just wish I never see you & forget about you and just think of something good & moments we had. that is what’s worth carrying. Because no human is perfect & there has never in years been a proper face to face conversation and that is truly dead and I would never ever see you the same. You’re someone who was pure & I actually really trusted you. I wanted to have a whole family. a life with you without hesitation but my hesitation was the lack of experience & life. Rip u off. RIP. I lo-ed u.we both made many wrongs & never made it right

#my thoughts #v #there was a reason or reason why I broke up with them in those times #it made sense then

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boobsandducks · 1 year

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A reflection & a love letter

First impression: I was wary of you, that's for sure. Age and experience being something I thought would create a bit too much distance between us. When I was younger (like your age lol) I had a curious brain and I often felt the need to satisfy it. As I've grown older I feel the need to be more cautious. I am so glad the people talked to, about you, convinced me to go and see if you were worth it.

At first I did feel the age gap, worried that maybe I wouldn’t have enough to learn from you- but you kept me so engaged with your conversation and energy (being handsome helps too). I remember our 3rd date pretty clearly actually. It was the first time I came over to yours. I think I was ready to have a tough conversation about things potentially not working out. But spending time with you that day- I couldn’t help but have a good time. As you drove me home, like you had promised, you asked me what the issue was, why I was reluctant to come over. We talked, I explained, and when it was done you told me that I could come and tell you anything. That you’re willing to listen and I can get things off my chest.

I’m not sure I expected you to care like that only after 3 dates. But I had an overwhelming sense that you wanted to understand me, that you weren’t sacred about hard conversations like I was, and you believed that we could be something.

I thought you were nice, young, fun, a yes man, and you had a spark in ur eye that said “I want more”.

and it was infectious.

What I think of you now: Ohhhh boyyy. I didn’t know words could fail. Because there is no sentence in any language that could fully incapsulate how I feel about you. This is why I say I love you more than words.

Being with you has exaggerated what I already knew were some of my flaws. Mostly my adversity to conflict.

Growing up I was always the observer of conflict in my family. Despite not being the one who was fighting- it was still tough- it’s still family. I had always felt like it was best to comply to avoid the chaos and live peacefully. Once my sister left, things changed slightly. I didn’t want to stay at home and be a ‘good girl’. I wanted to live. Really live. Take risks and see where they go, satisfy my curiosity, follow the rules I create and not just because someone else said so. I prioritised my freedom and my liberties.

But when it came down to love, I saw it as the greatest risk of all. I may get caught trespassing or doing drugs. I might hurt myself playing sports or embarrass myself in front of others. None of these repercussions could compare to what I knew would hurt most of all- a broken heart.

But you, Aadarsh Narsey, you came along and you stole my ‘better judgement’. You made me believe, for the first time, someone was worth that risk. You stole my heart, you tossed away some of my anxieties and all it took? All you had to do? Be your own loveable damn self.

It’s insane to me. I’ve told you that I’m not particularly religious or spiritual, but there is no way that this “just happened”. There is no logic behind how we met, or fell in love, or how we came to be the people we are. There has to be something quite magical going on behind the scenes.

Aadarsh I was worried I had few things to learn from you but here you are, forcing me to learn.

To learn that hurt doesn’t last forever, and communicating and understanding is the best way to grow stronger.

To learn what it means to be a good partner.

Because if I don’t learn, if I don’t try- even when it hurts- I may lose the best thing that has ever come into my life.

A gorgeous man, full of life, prepared to take on the ups and downs, and ready to love with open arms.

What a wonderful thing you are.

- May Me Thike

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sagigirlie · 3 years

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Venus hard aspects natal

I would like to say something I’ve noticed about all hard aspects to Venus- when they’re underdeveloped, relationships with these people can not be the easiest, each outer planet in harder contact to Venus can make the individual moody & kinda like a roller coaster and cause them to be unbalanced somehow, that’s until they grow and come to love themselves truly, and that can take a while sometimes.

Might refer to easy aspects as well

❤️‍🔥 Venus • Saturn hard aspects can be so tough. It can really make you be so f*cking cruel to yourself for no reason, bringing yourself down by devaluing your own worth. Self esteem issues to the core. Therefore it’s hard to let other people in and trust them. But if a bit more developed- it also makes u have high standards when in comes to relationships- platonic & romantic. It’s liking people that are authentic and not fake cause you can sense it in others, and appreciating quality over quantity at that. It’s preferring to be alone than to be with people who just don’t feel right. It’s taking time to really open up and not liking being too vulnerable, especially at the beginning. Guards up. It also can bring delays & hardships in love matters until you fully grow and heal and learn to really love yourself first (so until then you either stay alone or stay in relationships that aren’t healthy for u or aren’t what ur actually looking for)

❤️‍🔥 Venus • Uranus- liking people who are interesting, cool, exciting, a little unavailable in someway, ‘bad boy/girl’ vibe from the outside (even only looks-wise) but that treat you right. You also need someone to balance you out as you can find it hard to tame your chaotic energy. It’s being attracted to someone that’s different from you but have the same values at heart. It’s finding a best friend that’s also so sexy & cute in your eyes that you just wanna kiss their face every time u see them. Needing to have that ‘spark’ right off the bet, otherwise it’s hard to attract them without it. Also being attracted to unconventional relationships or the ideas of them (big age difference/ same sex relationships/ playing more the opposite role from ur sex in the relationship/ forbidden affairs)

❤️‍🔥 Venus • Mars- having so much energy sometimes in you but not always knowing where to direct it to. Energized by love. Being attracted to passion itself. Loving physical touch & attention from your lover. Can be quit aggressive in love or with the people they love. Can have lash outs out of no where. possessive. Wanting to hit ur partner from how much u love them or how cute they seem lmao. Slapping your partner as a sign of affection. Arguing with them just to release some energy. Being goofy with them. Wanting to be with them 24/7 and f**k the rest, you & I against the world. Also can give physical attractiveness from what I’ve seen.

❤️‍🔥 Venus • Pluto- so I don’t have that aspect in my chart but I’m gonna try my best. Venus Pluto people are usually very devoted partners once they make a commitment. They seem to be obsessed with the idea of relationships and love in general. The thing is when they’re underdeveloped they can obsess and get jealous over people that are toxic, and they can act like that themselves too. Thats bc they can be attracted to danger or bad things (can also be drugs, alcohol etc) . They can also be quit promiscuous at least at one point in their life as it can make them feel more desirable and gives them a fake sense of power. They need to learn to respect themselves so that they attract people that respect them too. They also need to learn to love themselves from within and have enough confidence in themselves without feeling the need to always be with someone else so that they don’t need to face there own demons when they’re alone. They can prefer focusing (unhealthily so sometimes) on their partner instead on actually working on themselves and on how they view themselves. They can definitely have magnetizing aura and can attract others easily. I also noticed they usually attract and are attracted to other Plutonian people as well as they can sense their intensity which they live for.

#venus square mars #venus conjunct mars #venus sextile mars #venus square saturn #venus opposite saturn #venus conjunct uranus #astrology aspects #astrology placements #astrology observations #astrology #astrology notes #astro notes #astro observations #venus square pluto #venus conjunct pluto #venus sextile pluto #venus trine pluto #venus opposite pluto

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m-ountainhermit · 3 years

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taurus moons (marry me <3)

ive known about 4 taurus moons intimately in my life? 3 of which being geminis lol........... how did that even happen. all 4 are among some of my closest friends & family so i would say i have a fairly comprehensive grasp of this placement :,) I LOVE THEM so so much

taurus moons are some of the sharpest, talented and patient individuals ever (ok i’m starting to sound biased LOL sorry i cant help it). uh where do i even start???

the way they process their emotions

the moon is comfortable in taurus so although there might be internal conflicts (can be exacerbated/ minimised by ur aspects), they express them in a more measured manner. they tend to rationalise/ filter their emotions so that they don’t feel too much at once? will usually endure all kinds of shit that’s thrown to them although they might get annoyed, but if u screw with any of their close friends/ family you will get the coldest stare in the history of stares. their anger isn’t reactive, most of the times they prefer to ice people out until they sort through their own emotions by themselves. in that way, they’re quite independent and private about what they’re feeling. if they choose to open up to you, u can bet that they trust you a hella lot. and if they do choose to, they’ll usually do so in a contemplative if not (maybe) slightly annoyed tone if they can’t figure out a way to “solve” the issue. they don’t show their anger externally most of the time but they do remember what you’ve done to them/ their close ones and they might hold it against you secretly. and if that happens be careful, because once they’ve made up their minds on a persons character, they’re not likely to change it unless u personally interact with them for a long period of time.

u might never see these people cry but obviously like everyone they feel sadness??? it’s just that they don’t see the point in dwelling in it for too long, or they integrate it into their emotional landscape such that it mellows out and eventually becomes less potent. they get sad when their friends are sad, when they see human suffering (for example, my best friend cried after talking to an old lady with alzheimer’s), when they don’t meet their standards in that one niche area they’re vv passionate about (imo every taurus moon has that one specific hobby they’re super talented/ know a lot about at). when they express their sadness, just be there w them and listen. honestly get them their favorite drink and make them laugh and they’ll appreciate u till the end of time.

their dedication & compassion

b4 i start this section i feel like it’s important to establish that when it comes to people, taurus moons don’t do anything they don’t want to, so if u feel like you’re the most high maintenance person ever, but they’re still by ur side, they don’t see u as a burden ever, and instead they’ll probably find those things u deem as “high maintenance” as endearing quirks. taurus moons value their social circle quite a bit, and even if u guys drift you’ll still have a space in their heart - they won’t forget the good times u had. which is why i say that taurus moons are incredibly loyal and steady friends to have. they’ll roll ur eyes if you do something stupid but they’ll stick with you unless u do something so horrible it violates their unmoving moral code.

although, if for some reason u fight with a taurus moon, you can 100% bet that they will never apologise first. they are personable, live their own lives in a usually morally good manner, are intelligent and responsible, and they put up with a lot of shit, so they don’t usually see why they would have to apologise. they don’t apologise unless they really mean it, and usually they don’t think they’ve done anything that wrong that warrants an apology. personally i’ve never encountered a taurus moon who apologises voluntarily 🙄 but that’s ok because i’m the one usually stirring up shit LMAO. if u didn’t get the memo taurus moons are actually so stubborn and will never budge from their perceived moral goodness they hold.

the type of people they vibe with

taurus moons with air/ water sun signs know how to sweet talk people good and can honestly be a bit manipulative so they usually attract a medium-ish social group. but they will have a few close friends that they rotate around because altho they are dedicated, they do need variety. these people are cautious with their hearts and sensible with who they let in - it’s not personal or anything, it’s just that they require a slightly longer time to assess somebody’s character and determine if that person is worthy of their time/ trust. they know their self-worth so they won’t settle for less.

idk why this isn’t mentioned more in astro but taurus moons hate feeling bored. like they hate it. they make a ton of crackhead friends, oftentimes those who express their emotions more explosively or feel things a lot more intensely. so they love someone who’s authentically themselves, or has some weirdass quirk that makes them a bit eccentric. they need someone who will make them laugh and u have to be a good conversationalist or they’ll drop u in like one second fr. they usually can see through people’s bullshit so if you’re putting up a facade/ saying stupid shit they will humor you but they’ll give u that look that tells you they know. will ask u if you’re ok if it’s gone on too long but will never hold it against you if there’s a reasonable explanation. ultimately they appreciate someone whose outlook on life aligns with theirs or if different, someone who is consistent and passionate about their approach to life. oh and also, they have such a good sense of humor and are generally good-natured enough so that they’ll laugh at the shittiest jokes ever. @ every taurus moon falling in love w witty smooth-talkers 🤚 literally their kryptonite

ok i’m done w this finally!! might come back and edit it if i have anything else to add. wanted to add a section to roast them 😇😇 but i didn’t want to make this longer than i had to. hope u enjoyed!!

#taurus moon #i love u taurus moon #taurus moons marry me challenge #stop being such a closeted dork #ur intelligence is so hot #also ur patience #like u would tell me to shut the fuck up but stare at me with those amused eyes #don’t lie i know u love it #astrology #astro notes #astrology notes

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transexualpirate · 3 years

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“Perfect.”

When he first told Dean, he looked so small and helpless, almost guilty, like he expected Dean to just smack him right in the spot for daring to bring it up. Maybe that's what convinced Dean to participate. Or maybe it was the warmth that painted his cheeks when he imagined Cas smiling brightly at his kid and his... and Dean coming together to make something for him. "Father's Day, huh? Sure. Yeah, why not?" Jack smiled as bright as Cas did in his head.

so uhhhh aparently it’s father’s day in the usa? so i wrote a little something for @dadstielweek i hope this is okay <3 also thank you @creepyeyesandfrogs for the inspiration ur the best!!!

Summary: Dean and Jack have plans for Cas on father’s day. They also have some unresolved issues.

Warnings: Miscommunication, self worth issues, J*hn Winchester, brief mentions of self destructive tendencies (nothing explicit), brief mentions of sexual themes between Dean and Cas (also not explicit), background Saileen.

also, english is not my native language and i mess up sometimes! i’d much appreciate it if you warn me about any possible mistakes.

"Damn, kid, those are some bright colors you used." it was meant as a jab, but Jack only smiled proudly

"Thank you" he replied "I thought I might be using too much yellow, so his name is written in pink. See?"

Dean did. He stared at the card for a few more seconds. It read "Dad: I feel so safe with you! You always took good care of me and you hold me so gently when I can't sleep. Your the best dad ever!" in yellow, with blue doodles of bees and hearts around it, and "I love you, Castiel" in light pink at the bottom. It wasn't a work of art, but he clearly had fun doing it with some old colorful markers he found around the bunker. It was funny to Dean that a 5'8'' man had done it.

Not a man, he corrected himself. A kid. It was easier to see it in days like these.

"Yeah, it's real pretty, alright. But, uh, just a note-" Jack looked up then, his eyes wide. Dean tried not to be offended about how obvious it was that he was waiting for Dean to back down at any moment "You wrote 'your'. As in, 'your bag', 'your drink', 'your pen', you know. It's 'you're'. Like, 'you are'. You're. You're the best dad ever. Okay?"

"Oh." he looked down again. Stayed silent for a few seconds. Dean imagined he was processing this new information. Then he brought up the yellow marker and fixed it. "There. Is that it?"

"Yup. Looks perfect, kid. Cas is gonna love it."

Jack looked like someone had just told him he could eat all the candy he wanted. Dean found himself chuckling softly at him, then turned back to the cake he was decorating. He was pretty anxious himself. He knew he wasn't the best cook out there, and art also wasn't his strong spot, but he figured that writing "Happy Father's Day" wouldn't be so hard. Jack insisted in some skittles on top of it, too, because "Cas loves colorful things and he even ate some of Jack's last week and seemed to like it!". Dean wasn't so sure. He knew Cas had a weird relationship with food. He didn't need it, and hardly found any he genuinely liked. So he might not eat it at all. Or he might eat it just to make Dean feel good.

But there was something else he had in mind. Something he and Jack had picked in town last week. It was sappy and simple and exactly the kind of thing he never though they’d get to experience.

In the kitchen counter, close to the coffee machine, there was a porcelain mug wrapped with a colorful ribbon. And on it was written “BEST DAD EVER”.

Coffee was something that Cas liked. Especially when it had plenty of sugar. The mug was silly, the kind of thing you’d find at the dollar store, but it made Dean smile just thinking about it. Cas could drink from it everyday.

Jack followed his gaze and stared at it with a smile. Then he turned to Dean, and to the cake, and seemed to understand something.

“You know he’ll love it too, right?” Dean smiled, but it wasn’t natural anymore. He wasn’t surprised when Jack didn’t buy it. “No, I’m serious. He likes chantilly. He likes chocolate cake. He likes skittles. He loves you. Why wouldn’t he like it?”

It wasn’t planned at all. It just came out. Easy like that.

He likes all those things. He loves you.

Dean sucked in a breath but before he could reply Jack was staring back at the mug. It seemed like he was already thinking about something else. He was like that, sometimes. Too much energy, a bit like an actual child would have, and not enough place to put it. It wasn’t uncommon for him to lose his train of thought mid sentence. It’s like his own brain was a bit too fast for him.

Dean was like that too, sometimes.

He silently wondered if he should scold him for that, like his own father did to him. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Instead, He nudged Jack’s shoulder softly. “Go on. Use plenty of chantilly, ‘kay? You’re right, he likes it.”

Jack didn’t need to be told twice. He hopped to the fridge and got the rest of the chantilly Dean used for the cake. Gently placed the ribbon a little lower on the mug so he could pour something inside it. Turned to the kitchen cabinet and picked up a spoon, and, before Dean, he raised his index finger.

And the coffee machine started working.

Magically.

“Jack!” Dean hissed. He didn’t want to deal with that right now. “Jack, please. Don’t-”

“It’s okay!” he seemed excited “I got it.” he brought a spoonful of chantilly, and the mug floated and stood right in front of him, gravity be damned. “It’s easier this way, I can just-” he held the chantilly container with one hand, the spoon with the other, and the mug was hovering in front of him. There was no way he couldn’t see how that was dangerous.

“Jack, come on,” Dean stopped decorating the cake and reached for the mug “just put it d-”

“Whoa, guys?”

Too many things happened too fast. Sam walked through the kitchen door, rubbing his eyes lazily. Dean flinched. Hard. He thought Cas had discovered them. Jack also flinched, his eyes wide and scared, like he’d been found doing something he shouldn’t be doing. The coffee machine stopped working. The mug fell.

It shattered on the floor, before them.

“Oh, shit.” Sam said, wise as ever.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Come on! Look at it! Goddammit, kid, why did you have to- Come on!”

“Guys? Uh, sorry-”

“I’m- I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I thought- I thought Cas had- I got scared, I’m sorry, Dean, I can fix this, let me just-” he gestured to it, clearly intending to use his powers again, but Dean stopped him, gripping his wrist forcefully with just a little too much strength.

“No. You’ve done enough.” Dean said, his voice cold. He wasn’t sure how exactly things could get worse, but he didn’t want to find out either. Jack struggled to get away from his hold with wobbling lips.

“Dean-” Sam placed a careful hand on his brother’s shoulder “what’s going on?”

“It’s father’s day.” Dean said “We baked a cake and bought Cas a stupid mug but now-” he sighed “the kid used his creepy ass powers and now it’s broken.”

That was like someone had slapped Jack in the face. He finally managed to get his arm free and stepped back like it had burned him. He clutched his wrist, and cried.

“I’m s-sorry...” he managed between sobs.

Dean stared.

He was crying. Outright bawling his eyes out like it was all he knew how to do. If Cas hadn’t slept in Dean’s room (conveniently far away from the kitchen, it was all thought out, that’s definetely the only reason he was there) exhausted from last night’s activities (angels don’t need sleep, per se, but they do benefit from it every now and then if they’re low on grace and already tired from... uh, hunting) he probably would have woken up.

“Oh, shit.” Dean said, for once, somewhat wise.

“I’m sorry, I’m- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- I shouldn’t have used th-them. It’s my fault! I didn’t- I didn’t mean-!” he stepped back again, like he was scared anyone would hurt him (or he would hurt anyone).

Dean’s heart dropped to his toes and he wanted to punch himself in the face.

“Shit, kid. No, it’s- Fuck. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Fuck. Sam, a little help here?”

Sam stared at them for a second, his eyebrows knitted together.

Dean got mad and went a bit too far. That’s happened before.

It happened a lot with John.

But Dean would always chime in and fix John’s messes for him.

Sam turned around, brought a shovel and a broom and in two swift movements cleaned the remains of the mug while Dean stared at him like he’d grown a second head.

And then he left the kitchen.

“What the fuck. Sam, what the- Sam!” but, obviously, Sam didn’t turn around. It wasn’t that he didnt care. He did. So much. He was scared that if he let them there things would only get worse. But he trusted them- he had to.

Dean and Jack needed to have this conversation by themselves.

Jack. The Jack that was pressed up against the wall crying desperately like there’s no tomorrow. Dean wanted to cry too.

“Kid. Jack. Jack, I’m sorry. Hey, listen to me.” he took a careful step but Jack didn’t even seem to notice. He was clutching his own wrist so hard Dean was scared he was going to break the skin.

He raised his hand and slowly reached for his wrist. Jack flinched again and looked up to Dean like he was surprised that he was so close. Slowly, like he was trying to approach a wild animal, Dean held the kid’s hand and opened it, forcing him to let go.

“There we go. Careful, kiddo. You were hurting yourself.”

Jack scoffed, or tried to, but as he hadn’t stopped crying yet it sounded a little like a scared cat. “Right. Like I d-don’t deserve it.”

“No.” Dean’s voice was suddenly rough again “No, you don’t. Kid- Jack, look at me.”

Jack didn’t want to, but Dean reached for his chin softly and, carefully, as if the Nephilim was made of glass, he brought his face up.

“I-I ruined it, Dean. I broke the mug.”

“Yeah.” his voice was soft again “You did. But it’s okay. You didn’t do it on purpose. You got scared. You shouldn’t have been so careless, but you didn’t mean to do it. I know you didn’t. Okay? You just have to be more careful next time. It’s fine. You’re fine, okay? I’m... I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Jack stared at him. His lips were slightly parted and his face was still tear stained. Dean ran his thumbs through his cheekbones, drying his tears softly. Jack let him.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have... Used them. My- my creepy powers.”

“No, Jack, it’s okay. Those powers, they’re not creepy, okay? They’ve helped so many people before. They’ve saved us. And they’re a part of you, and you’re not creepy, okay? You’re not. I’m sorry I said that. I was wrong. And I shouldn’t have- Shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry, Jack.”

Jack looked like he was waiting for the punchline. He studied Dean’s face, and eventually he stuttered out “It’s... It’s okay, Dean.”

“We both fucked up, huh?” he chuckled softly, and Jack did so too.

“Yeah. I guess- I guess we did.”

“Well, I’m the adult. I can’t let this happen again. I’m not going to. Okay? I’ll be more careful too. I just- I lost it, Jack. I’m so, so sorry. I hope you know how wrong I was. You’re not bad, Jack. You didn’t do this on purpose. You were just trying to be faster. It’s okay. You made a small mistake. It’s no biggie. I need to keep it cool next time, okay?”

“No! No, there won’t be a next time, Dean. I’ll be more careful, I promise!”

Dean smiled. “I know, Jack, I know you will. But you’re four. You’re gonna make silly mistakes like this. Your job is to try a little more everyday. Okay?”

Jack nodded enthusiastically. “I will. I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will, little guy. I will, too, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I promise, too.” Jack smiled at that. Dean swept his hair from his face, leaned in and kissed the kid’s forehead. He beamed. And then he stopped. Dean glanced at his face.

“But, Dean... It’s, it’s broken, now. We only have the cake and the card.”

“Well, I’m sure he’ll love them, Jack.”

“Yeah, but... It’s... It’s Cas, Dean. He deserves better.”

Dean contemplated for a second. And then he smiled. Jack tilted his head in a very Cas-like fashion.

“I have an idea.”

Cas turned around in Dean’s bed, hoping to find the man laying next to him. He didn’t.

It wasn’t unnexpected, you see, Dean woke up early everyday. Cas wasn’t used to sleeping, but when he did, he slept in late. He only needs his four hours after all. But honestly, Cas couldn’t help but wonder if there was some shame in there.

He glanced around the room and decided it would be best if he got dressed. He got up, groaning softly, then retrieved his underwear and pants from Dean’s desk. His shirt was on the ground. Tie and trenchcoat were perched on a chair. His cellphone was on his pocket. He thought about going out, maybe make Jack some breakfast, but it was still early and the kid was probably asleep. So he decided to go back to bed (without his trenchcoat, mind you, not even he is that formal).

Immediately as he laid down there was a knock on the door. “Come in!” he slurred out, still sleepy.

Whoever was on the other side hesitated. “Are you... Decent?”

Cas couldn’t stop his smile. “Yeah, Dean, I’m decent.”

“No, like... Jack- Jack is here, Cas.”

There was a laugh on the other side. “Dude?” Sam whispered. Cas decided to pretend he didn’t hear him.

“Come in, Dean. Unless you want me to put on my shoes as well.”

The door opened and the first thing Cas noticed is that Dean’s whole face was red as a tomato. The second thing was that he was holding a cake covered in chantilly and skittles and the third is that he was followed by Jack and Sam.

Oh, no, did he forget anyone’s birthday?

But they didn’t sing. Instead, Jack jumped on the bed, holding something colorful. Sam was right behind him, holding a wooden platform and placing it on the bed. It was like a support so nothing would fall. Dean put the cake on the platform and Jack placed something too.

Cas blinked.

“Uh, wh-what’s... Did I... Miss something?”

“It’s Father’s Day!!” Jack beamed. Cas couldn’t help but mirror his smile. But he was still a bit confused.

“O-okay, so...?” Jack leaped at him, involving him in a hug.

“Happy Father’s Day, dad!”

Oh. Oh! “Jack!”

“Kid’s super excited. It’s your first Father’s day without an apocalypse, after all. So, we... Yeah. We did something.” Dean tried to explain. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. Cas stared at him like he’d personally brought him the moon.

“They did something for you, too, Cas. Look!” Sam pointed at the colorful package at the improvised table. He noticed, then, that it wasn’t a package.

It was a mug involved by a colorful ribbon. The one he usually used. It used to be white and bland. But now, there was a blue tie doodled on it, and in Dean’s unmistakable handwriting it was written “WORLD’S BEST DAD”. It was filled with coffee and chantilly, just the way he likes it.

Cas held it in his hands and couldn’t stop the tears flooding his face.

For a second, Jack panicked. His eyes widened and he looked between Cas and Dean questioningly. Dean reached a hand to his shoulder and whispered “I think he likes it, Champ.”

“But- But he’s crying?”

Cas sniffed loudly, then. He couldn’t explain it. He didn’t expect it. World’s best dad, him? “They’re... T-they’re tears of joy, Jack.”

Sam giggled sofly. He brought his cellphone up and started recording. He was happy he did, because just at that moment, Dean leaned down and kissed him wholeheartedly.

Like, on the lips. Full on romantic kiss. The type they show on TV.

If Jack was surprised, he didn’t show it. But he was happy, that was clear. Sam, however, cheered them on. “Oh, fucking finally!”

Dean showed the camera his middle finger. Jack tilted his head again, and Sam zoomed in on him, mumbling something about “like father, like son”. When they broke apart, their pupils blown and panting softly, Dean cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. Cas was at loss for words.

Jack seemed to remember something, then, and shoved his card on Cas’ face with no mercy. “Oh, oh! I also made a card! And Dean baked the cake! We painted the mug together. He taught me how to draw a tie. Do you like it?”

“Liked it? Jack, I love it. Look at it! You drew a bee, too! It’s so pretty.” he sighed contented while Dean tried to steal Sam’s phone only to find he had already sent the video to Eileen. Jack stared at him with childlike wonder, and Cas was almost scared for a moment because of how happy he was. But it was okay. He was allowed to be happy. He deserved it. “I love it. Thank you, so much. All of you. It’s perfect- you’re perfect.” he turned to Dean, with Sam’s hand on his shoulder as he cooed childishly. “I love you, Dean.” And then he turned to Jack, the kid smiling in blissful, childish naivety. “And I love you, son.”

“See?” Dean grinned, nudging Jack playfully “I told you he’d love it.”

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

Note

Malec’s problems with communication are probably one of the better handled things the SH writers wrote. It’s nuanced and very in character, it’s speaks to Alec and Magnus’ different histories, personalities, and love languages. It’s never out of malice, it’s just something they genuinely struggle with. They’re the only couple on the show that received the time and care to develop and be shown working on it.

They’re also both badass in their own right and often the voices of reason while the rest of the characters are clowning and creating problems for our boys to solve. I enjoyed other characters and elements of world building but overall I kept coming back for Malec, their relationship and personal struggles.

Personally I really resonated with their communication issues since I had a similar problem with a close friend. I was like Alec- very straightforward and honestly not great at picking up subtleties, while she was similar to Magnus- had trauma and hated confrontation which meant she left hints and downplayed stuff. It’s totally understandable that both she and Magnus struggled to be open and honest. Except she had the nasty habit of blaming me when I didn’t get her hints and telling me it was my lack of empathy hurting her. Thankfully Magnus never did that to Alec. Your answer to that last ask (about post-coital Malec talking about Magnus’ eyes) made me feel better since I always felt guilty that I had failed her when really she had failed herself as it was on her to communicate properly- so thanks. 💜

I think if we had been given more time with our boys Magnus would have had some great growth in not keeping things to himself and I would have loved to see Magnus heal more. It’s what someone with his big heart deserves!

Ps sorry for the long ask & personal story!

no need to apologize! i love any (non hateful obviously lol) asks, but particularly long and personal asks. im not sure how coherent my answer is going to be because i'm still a bit anxious rn and there's a lot on my mind, but here we go

i agree with you. i also relate to alec a lot because my one mode when it comes to emotional communication is open, direct talking. and honestly it's something i am proud of. i am proud of the fact that it's easy for me to just sit someone down and say what i think i feel, because this solves so many problems and is the best way to do it imo. i don't hold it against people who have trauma and struggle to communicate, obviously, because i get that as well. it took me years of therapy to be able to understand that my problems are worth approaching and talking about, not just other ppl's (with other ppl i was always like alec lmao). so like, i get why people might have a hard time being direct about issues, but i'm still proud of myself for being the way i am because i do believe it's the "best" one

and i also suck at catching hints so like 🤷 i make fun of alec and joke about it because i RELATE to it, i think its funny and i see myself in him cuz if u throw a hint my way i am 99% likely to not even notice it hitting me on the face. so jdnfid when im teasing alec i'm not being like "what a dumb useless bitch", im being like lol relatable

and i agree, i think this was an issue that was actually approached and that was nice? and that i think the fandom sometimes latches too much on in the sense of being like OH WOW PROBLEMATIC or something but it's just... an issue they have, you know? and that makes sense and like, every relationship in its initial stages/months is gonna suffer from communication issues until the people involved get a hang of each other and how they work and communicate. it's normal. and it's something i liked and that drove me to malec personally? because while yeah, they had their problems with talking, they always tried (particularly alec) and they always understood each other and never held their differences against each other

i also agree that it's great that magnus never held it against alec (not that i ever thought he would, but it's usually a trope) because yeah we are taught that when in a relationship people should be able to "read" the other and tell what they feel and want, and that leads to a lot of problems imo. because neither part feels like it is their responsibility to communicate clearly and both are always trying to guess what the other wants. it's just an exhausting way to have a relationship and i see it leading to a lot of problems IRL, and a lot of ppl who genuinely believe that a partner who doesn't guess how you feel doesn't love you enough, which is bad not only for that relationship but for the person who doesn't communicate because they don't work on their issues and the trauma behind their communication issues

so i was glad that we never saw magnus act like that. i think magnus is very self aware and he KNOWS that he needs to work on that and he doesn't expect alec to just guess or get angry when he doesn't get it. and alec never held it against him that it's hard for magnus, either, which is also nice. so honestly i liked that that was a great part of their relationship? it's not perfect, but it's not supposed to be, and the fact that they respected each other and tried to listen to each other and make it work the best they could is more important to me than it would have been if they always immediately got what the other meant. i think it's an important message, you know? that relationships are something you build and that they will have problems that need to be worked on over time, cuz ur working with what uve got

so yeah it was a flaw about them that i appreciated, and i liked how the show didnt choose a part of the relationship to be The One At Fault like they so frequently do, they are just two different ppl with two different styles and backstories and baggages doing the best with what they've got. and that is so, so refreshing to see, because i'm tired of couples that are either perfect right off the bat, have problems that are never addressed as problems, or just have every issue be someone's fault when i genuinely believe that when it comes to interpersonal relationships no one is at fault or to blame 99% of the time, it is just that different people's traits might lead to clashing

so like in short i don't think magnus and alec or their relationship is perfect, but i think it's mature and i enjoyed seeing the way they tried to build it. and i relate a little bit to both of them, although in that particular issue i am almost 100% alec

does that make sense? udndi

#ask #anonymous #long post #sh #malec

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gasp-iwrotesomething · 3 years

Note

Could I please request some Alex Cyprus. Something angsty.

Sure thing! Thank you for requesting and I sincerely hope you enjoy!

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A simple word had driven a wedge mightier than the gods between them. Clashing and clanging, clinging to whatever ounce of contempt oozed from the other. It was fleeting, the last rays of moonlight as dawn came, replaced by the everlasting love that would shine. Gleam, twinkle--whatever pleasant verb you could think of. It didn’t matter though. That sun didn’t seem to have a dawn to climb or a dusk to fall to; just never ending renewals of an eclipse, darkness, a fog of hopelessness swirling through. Just… no redemption. MC was so drained--had she even slept that night? She took some pills meant to help with sleep but they only made her drowsy and sad; a drooping waterfall of pity and longing. Tears had soaked through her pillow, etching in a spot of her dreary night. How was she supposed to show up to work the next morning? She was bound to see Alex there--there was no way she wasn’t. MC’s eyes water at just the thought of seeing their face--so gorgeous and uplifting on a regular day--stained with the lines and bags of stress, of sleepless nights. Stress that MC herself had given them.

MC had tried to make the declaration smooth and understandable, something simple that Alex could accept no matter how hard it was to. But she’d flunked--ruined it all, gave the wrong idea that she was too naive to fix. All MC wanted was to say that she needed a break--some alone time to better herself and get over this hump she’s experiencing. But it had come out as a break up, like there was another person she wanted but couldn’t have all because Alex was there for her. MC sniffles as she recalls the moment Alex’s worried, compassionate features shattered into something even sadder--helplessness, anxiety, fear… Something wet skids down her cheeks and all of a sudden, MC was crying again. It was so consuming, something that felt uncontrollable and relieving yet ate away at herself, tearing her apart tear by tear and agonizing thought after agonizing thought. She’d lost count at the many times she’s cried--being helpless, a cocoon in her bed. When would she face her fears and set the record straight with Alex? At this rate, that was the farthest possibility on her mind. Alex’s words were burned in her memory--or more specifically, their lack of. Alex had been quiet--almost too quiet--before they said one simple word.

“...Fine.”

The way it was said wasn’t in dismissal--quite the opposite, in fact. It was requited, forced, something they said to avoid undermining MC’s emotions. The word was agreement and yet it hurt more than healed. It tore her apart more than it gave her closure. Alex’s eyes had become glassy and they were blinking rapidly--could it have been tears? A silence then slithered and hissed between them, so thick that MC believed she could choke on it. “If-if that’s what you need, MC,” the demigod had croaked--their voice was already splintering, “then… then I guess I can’t be mad about that.” Alex forced a smile--of course they had forced a smile, why would they let MC feel guilty for the way they felt? Then their exchange ended with Alex giving her a hug for good luck and taking their leave. Even when she watched their back--the dapper grey jacket they wore so nicely, MC could remember just how good they looked in a suit--MC stayed silent, maybe too shocked to come up with a reply. Maybe too cowardly to take that leap, even though she loved Alex. Gods, she loved Alex more than she could even account for.

Why… why had she let herself believe Alex was so expendable? They were worth everything and yet MC let Alex go for the sake of… well, everything.

Not even a minute later, her tears dry up and she’s left in broken heaps of misery. Misery that she brought upon herself. MC reaches for her phone and clicks it on to find that she had shut it off with her and Alex’s last conversation pulled up.

Her heart tugs at the reminder: she’d been wallowing in this misery since last night.

Spacing out to messages from them; some professional, some playful, some sweet. MC rubs her red eyes. Gods, if this is what a break felt like, then MC wasn’t entirely sure she wanted it at all. Alex had been so distraught--so non-reactive, so closeted, so… opaque. It was hard to derive a definitive meaning from their words. Were they really on board with what she wanted? She kept thinking of that somber edge that passed into their features, that lingered even when they attempted to smile. That stayed even after they were gone and she was alone. That probably grew and mutated into their chest the moment MC was not looking. Was Alex looking a lot like she was right now? A mess, with no motive to leave their bed? No… that’d kill her more. MC hopes Alex is at work, doing their job, not wasting the day away worrying and fretting and hurting over MC. She hoped that this feeling and these reactions were all from her--none from Alex.

Later, she calls in sick--a rare occasion.

MC just couldn’t fathom a world where she went to work and met Alex’s eyes without breaking down. She’d confront them, in time. Not now. Now… now she was still trying to puzzle together a better resolve. Something to not hang her head in shame over. Aside from that dilemma, there were no crowning cases to take on as a field agent, everything was mostly little flukes or terse reactions. So she should be able to… take off a day to clear her mind from work. Maybe MC was manifesting excuses… maybe this was a grave mistake. Seconds lumber into minutes and minutes trudge into hours until pressing her phone on greeted her with 7 PM. MC sat at her dining table, her fork caught in the microwaved lunch she had sloppily thrown together earlier. Her appetite had dipped ever since that morning and she’d felt slightly nauseated from all of the self-inflicted worry she was harboring, so eating hadn’t exactly been on her mind like Alex was. Alex, Alex, Alex… They were seated on a throne in her mind, her thoughts bowing to their presence and the overwhelming influence they had on her aching heart. There was a space in her rib cage, a crater just below her heart that sang sadly for Alex, still wanting--hoping--to see Alex’s face behind every door she opened. She dreams of Alex’s knuckles rapping against the front door and their gentle, bittersweet voice pouring through the cracks, asking her to join them for a cup of coffee to talk things through. MC imagined what she’d do, even if it wasn’t true. She wants to believe that she’d be stable, act level headed and be an adult, but MC had the feeling that she’d lose it in front of them. If she saw even the faintest crease of worry or the slightest line of stress on their beautiful face… MC would most likely cry right then and there, letting that shame and guilt and sadness pull her under all over again. She sighs.

Later that night, she dreams of Alex embracing her tight, their lips adhered to her temple, their melody of apologies trickling into her ear. Feeding her that sense of forgiveness and reformation. When she woke, through her wallowing, MC knew what she had to do.

She typed so fast that she must have made a spelling error while typing. MC hardly cared. Alex would understand her message whether or not she misspelled a word. She starts with something simple: hey, how are you? It’s something to persuade Alex to talk to her and work their accumulated issues out through easy conversation; the enigmatic flow of cordial talking. MC rubs her eyes. She had managed to wake up an hour before she would normally wake up for work at H.E.R.A, so there was a good chance that Alex was asleep. However, the typing icon pops up on the screen just a few minutes later, indicating that Alex was awake too. Indicating that they weren’t wanting to ignore her. Good knowing you’re happy, Alex’s text reads, somehow even more barren than MC’s had been. The message felt empty, emotionless, monotone as she read it in her mind. MC felt her heart splinter and crack a rupture right down the center of it, dissecting her in two. MC wasn’t happy--was that the impression she gave them? Had the news been easier to swallow when MC had said all those things about needing a break from them? Has it been even easier to digest it that way? MC couldn’t fathom the idea of Alex convincing themself that MC was happy without their presence at her side; she couldn’t fathom it at all… Shakily, she types out a reply, are you sure?

A few seconds pass, warped to minutes in MC’s stressed tangle of thoughts, before Alex texts, should I not be?

She paused, stunned motionless. It was a simple string of words, as all sentences were, but there was something biting about this one. There was something MC could detect in the phrasing, in the moment of digital silence that walls them apart, that made a trinket of hope bloom in her. Like a tiny flash, or a sizzling orange flare in the dark. No, I want you to be, MC hashes out in swift, pithy swipes, I just think ur lying when you tell me that. It was true; Alex appeared to be tempering their emotions for her, anchoring the sadness to the floor of their vast heart. So much could fill that space, so many articulate thoughts and puzzling ideas swimming, so much unwanted space taken up… In that never ending heart of theirs, they had to have some tendril of sorrow restlessly there. Why did you ask if I’m sure, MC? You act like I shouldn’t be for you. Alex ignores her last text completely. They really wanted to know her intentions. At first, MC misconstrues their soundless tone for annoyance and irritation. But it’s clear the more she inspects that they were just concerned. She could imagine the fissures of worry wrinkling their expression, the slightest bit of tension founding their shoulders and slumping their spine. How heartbreaking that image was to her psyche. MC rids the thought; moping wouldn’t solve her issues. She chews her lip as she responds. I never said that, Alex. I can’t rest thinking you’re unhappy. I want you to prove to me that you’re really, truly happy with the decision I’ve made. Don’t hide anything from me.

MC hoped she wasn’t being brash with that message. But at the same time, Alex had--they had--to understand just how salient their feelings were to her. What was the point of finding solace in each other when neither would talk, would vent, would speak up and converse through their issues? All of this pent up tension and drawn out distance was unnecessary noise, and MC longed to prove how life wasn’t, and could never be, important without Alex. The three, menacingly fluid dots jump in an organized formation. MC holds her breath. It was a familiar pattern now, just as heart-stopping as the first time. Seeing them dance now, MC realizes just why talking in person would be the wrong move for the two of them; she wouldn’t have been able to hide behind a screen whenever Alex thought about a reply, or mulled over her words, or changed their expression… It all would have been too much for her. I still think about you alot. Probably more than I should professionally but I can’t help it. You feel it too, don’t you? It’s why you’re asking if I’m happy. You sense the emptiness.

Each new brittle sentence is sent through individual text bubbles, the change of pace deafening. MC felt that spark of ambition burn brighter, stronger. Alex knew their situation. They knew the absence of each other was more than they bargained for. They knew… they felt that same grasping, selfish greed to see each other again, to fill a void in their insignificant days. This was what her dream was woven from; thick, silky soft threads of mutual agreement and longing, the multi-colored yarn of apologies, love, and trust. Hardships and resilience. Yes, MC hastily agrees, her heart wedged in her throat. She couldn’t will her fingers to glide across the keyboard anymore, uselessly hovering over the scattered letters with no choreography to spell anything out. Maybe there was nothing left to say over the phone. Perhaps confrontation was closer than first expected. It made sense--Alex was now aware that she longed them as much as they desired her, so why not tear down the wall between them?

Then, her phone purrs in her hand for a second, and she reads the next text from Alex.

Think into your decision more then. Let me know when you’re ready and we’ll talk over coffee.

The relief that splashes her is warm and encapsulating, a waterfall of sparkling emotions.

Just know that I love you, they follow-up.

MC can’t restrain herself; she beams up to her ears, her brown eyes shining with happy tears. Thankfully, everything was mending now, scabbing over the worst of their shared gloom.

I love you too.

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Thanks again and I’m sorry for the delay!

If you want to request something, here’s the Prompt List, here are the Guidelines, here’s Who I Write For, and here is where you can Request me.

#alex cyprin #astoria fates kiss

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bctgrl · 3 years

Text

@delusionland | wtf u didn’t roast her? ur mistake bro

Stephanie wasn’t sure where that all came from, but honestly, it felt good. Any reassurance felt good at this point. Getting it from Jason, someone who also has been screwed over by those they kept dear to their hearts made her feel more justified. Sadly, one good pep talk from the man she least expected it from wasn’t enough to change her self worth issues.

She was silent for a little. Stirring in what he had told her. It was the time for oversharing; Steph’s heart was practically ripped open, spilling out all of the contents. She wore her emotions on her sleeve. She felt like she could trust Jason.

“They have. Turned on me, I mean. You know the reason Bruce fired me? I bet he just wrote down insubordination. He likes to twist things. Well. I disobeyed an order because if I would have listened, I would have left him for dead. I was . . . I was trying to save him,” she mumbled, her gaze dropping down to her lap. Her fingernails were real interesting at the moment, so she stared and picked at them.

“I’m sure you know the story. You’ve probably read my files. I go crazy and start a gang war, then I’m captured and tortured to death. That’s not all of it,” Steph fidgeted in her seat. “I was trying to prove myself. Prove that I could be Robin, that I could be good. And it killed me. And then, you know, I wake up after dying in freaking Africa. Leslie kinda kidnapped me. I was in a coma for a week and she just . . . took me. Decided that things would be better away from my home. Away from my friends, my mom. For a fucking year.

“. . . I almost killed Black Mask the night I died. I could have. Sometimes I feel like I should have. I had the gun in my hands, locked and loaded, but Bruce got in my head and I hesitated. Sionis recovered and shot me instead. That messed with me, ‘cause all of that could have been avoided if I didn’t hesitate, but wooo. Moral high ground, or whatever. Like most of us don’t question the ‘no kill’ rule silently, even just a tinsy bit,” Stephanie rambled, freezing up once she realized what had came out of her mouth. She finally looks up at him, eyes wide. “I, um. I’ve never told anyone that before,” and her voice is so small, a little broken. Black Mask haunts her more than she’d ever admit. He’s still a free man, he sits among the few people who genuinely terrify her.

#delusionland #𝙞 𝙖𝙢 𝙨𝙤 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙮 | threads #;; ask to tag #;; cause im not sure what to tag this

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autisticangus · 3 years

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anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt.

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him.

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident.

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

#angus.txt #getting deep in here but it felt good to write #i love u all so much ok pls be good urselves

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