#i just want to sob in peace but i am in a shared space
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the accardo family 😭
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wonwoo boyfriend headcanons <3
a/n: i am vibrating from how much cold brew i consumed on an empty stomach so i'm writing this in hopes of wonwoo thoughts calming me down but honestly i'll just end up crying <3 pics not mine~
content: fluff | wc: 1.4k | warnings: none! | pairing: boyfriend!wonwoo x gn!reader | requests: open
wonwoo is the love of my life actually. it's scientifically proven and peer-reviewed that i love and adore him with all my heart and soul, so this post is going to be long and filled with my love for him <3
sweetest softest most loving boy in the world <3
he's the type of person to show love through small, tender gestures and actions
loves playing with your hands
i can very clearly see him lying in bed, grabbing your hand delicately, and twiddling with your fingers while you both watch tv/read/scroll on your phones
he also does this absentmindedly when he’s thinking
he may be lost in thought but that doesn’t mean he’s unaware of your presence <3
your presence actually helps him think more clearly :-(
he'll always come to you with questions or problems he needs to work through because just talking to you helps him sort out his thoughts and he knows you'll always offer support and advice
he will call you or send you voice messages about this when he's away too
you are always always always on his mind
and he never lets you forget it
wonwoo so clearly loves you with every little thing he does
even the unconscious ones
walking on the outer part of the sidewalk so you're farther away from vehicles, putting his hand over your head when you enter a car, getting two of a drink/snack so you can have some, tidying up your area of the bathroom counter, and so on
taking care of you is his second nature :-((
sometimes wonwoo just stares at you with complete wonder in his eyes because he can't believe you're real
when you catch him doing it and ask if there's something on your face he just shakes his head and says in tiny "oh no it's nothing"
he looks down to his hands and he's blushing SO much and fighting back a lil smile because he's overwhelmed by how much he loves you i'm screaming
if you push up his glasses when they start to slip or straighten the collar of his shirt or fix a loose strand of his hair he will absolutely lose it
you broke his brain like he doesn't know how to contain himself when you do kind gestures like that
he's muttering and stuttering "thank you" over and over again
he's so cute and flustered so you just give him a lil kiss or pat on the head and he goes completely silent and his eyes are literally sparkling with his love for you
no thoughts head empty except for his love for you <3
wonwoo is a big big BIG fan of quality time
he adores doing things with you, and he equally adores sharing space with you as you both do your respective things
if y'all are in the living room reading different books but cuddled together on the couch, wonwoo is genuinely in heaven
he also loves having you around while he games. like if you're in his vicinity he's so at peace even when his emotions are at an all-time high during the game
and he loves just hanging out while you're doing something you love !!
he simply loves your physical proximity (or digital if he's touring/you're traveling and y'all just facetime or call while doing your own things like cooking or working)
he will let you know when he wants your undivided attention though
often he will do this by biting your shoulder :,-)
you could be making tea in the kitchen and wonwoo will walk up and give you a backhug and gently bite your shoulder so you know that he wants you to look at him and talk to him i'm sobbing thinking about this
and he's so content talking about the smallest things with you :-(
after he bites your shoulder he hums "what're you doing?" and you know he knows what you're doing but you love him so much so you answer "i'm making tea"
he proceeds to ask you lil questions about your tea, your mood, what you plan to do while drinking your tea the correct answer is "hang out with you, wonwoo"
he could actually listen to you talk for hours i'm not even kidding
he's obsessed with the sound of your voice and all the idiosyncrasies in your speech, gestures, etc
he starts picking them up and seventeen is like ?? when did you start saying/doing that ??
and then they meet you and go OHHHHHHHHH that's what it was
after that they will point out every time he acts/speaks like you and he gets a lil embarrassed but also his heart swells because he loves that you've become such a huge part of him <33
he strikes me as the kind of guy who likes to listen to podcasts with you
hear me out
walking around outside, there's a breeze in the air, you're holding hands, sharing headphones, and listening to a podcast about your shared interests
someone hold me i'm having a breakdown
he's so good at comforting you
he becomes so in tune with your emotions that whenever you come to him sad/angry/stressed/etc he is ready
even if he doesn't know exactly what to say, he will listen to you and support you however you need
he'll hold your hands in his while you speak and maintain eye contact so you know you have his full attention
and whenever you cry he will gently wipe your tears away before grabbing tissues for you <3 and sitting with you while you settle yourself <3 and then he'll ask if you want water or anything to make you feel more at ease <3
he's also the absolute best at supporting you through all your successes
he is your BIGGEST fan
he'll always be proud of you and tells you that frequently because he thinks you're so amazing in whatever you do and he wants you to celebrate yourself as much as he celebrates you
he will be walking on cloud nine if you ever compliment a song/performance he's done
like if you like what he's doing that's more than enough for him to be satisfied with it
if he's ever insecure, you telling him all the wonderful things he does makes a world of difference
also so silly with you
he loves making comments that make you laugh
he gets the proudest smile on his face when he makes you laugh
he likes to whisper lil jokes or ad-libs to you when you're hanging out in a group
because he loves when you giggle or even laugh loudly at something he added to the conversation just for you
sometimes he'll make notes of a funny story or a joke he wants to tell you the next time he sees you :,-)
he also will keep notes (mentally or on his phone) of cool things he's learned so he can share them with you !!!
few things make him happier than the look on your face when he tells you something interesting <3
speaking of notes
wonwoo loves leaving handwritten ones for you
if he leaves before you wake up, he's putting a good morning note by your usual mug or your toothbrush so you see his encouraging message as soon as you start your day
if you're going to be apart for a while, he'll write longer notes or hide different little ones around your place so you can get surprise wonwoo words while he's away :-(
any notes you write him are kept safely with his things !!!
he keeps a special one in his wallet or phone case, so you are always with him and he takes it out and reads it when he misses you or is feeling sad even though he has it memorized
if you give him a gift based on the notes you two have written each other throughout your relationship, he WILL cry
he just loves sentiments like that <3 he's a sentimental guy and he likes to show you his love through things with meaning because he thinks it's the best way to convey how special you are to him
wonwoo loves you with everything he's got, and it's clear from the way he interacts with you on a daily basis that you are an important part of his life
no matter what, he's thinking of and caring for you because you make him feel so loved and cared for that he wants nothing more than to make you feel safe and adored <3
sorry i gotta go clutch my crocheted wonwoo plushie to my chest and cry because i love him so dearly :,-( i hope everyone gets the wonwoo they deserve <3
#seventeen#seventeen headcanons#boyfriend!seventeen#seventeen imagines#svt#wonwoo#seventeen wonwoo#seventeen fluff#seventeen x reader#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo fluff#boyfriend wonwoo#boyfriend!wonwoo#svt wonwoo#svt headcanons#wonwoo headcanons#seventeen au#svt au#jeon wonwoo#sweetkpopmusings
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-ONE LAST KISS-
♡~~♡~~♡~~♡~~♡
Summary: You can't help but think about the last kiss you shared with Luke before he revealed himself as a traitor.
Warnings: Angst; Reader feels guilty;
Requested: Nah
GN Reader!
....................................
The walls of your cabin seemed to swirl around you as silent tears streamed down your face.
You had tossed and turned for hours, but sleep just seemed to evade you. Always just out of reach no matter how tired you were.
As quietly as you could, you climbed from your bunk, not bothering to put on shoes as you slipped silently out of your cabin.
Your brain seemed to be om auto-pilot as your feet carried you to the edge of the forest. Sitting at the base of an old oak tree you and Luke often used to find yourselves at.
You leaned back against the large tree, the space next to you feeling all too empty as it had since Luke had left you behind.
It hurt. Him leaving.
He hadn't even bothered to properly say good-bye, an action that left you wondering if he's even cared about like you cared for him.
A stupid thought. You know he loves you. But doubt clouded your mind everytime you thought about it.
The Luke you fell in love with seemed to be lost to you when you last saw him. It was like a completely different person had stolen the body of your love, and was simply taking claim of his face and name.
His usually bright blue eyes were dull, and cold. As though they'd frozen over.
He'd hardly looked at you.
Barely acknowledged you were there.
You choked back a small sob, burying your face in your hands. You were mentally scolding yourself for not noticing his shift. The small things that should have clued you in as to what was happening.
Against your wishes your mind flashed back to the last kiss you'd shared. How different it felt compared to all the others.
You hadn't payed it much thought at the time, but now, looking back, you couldn't help but notice how emotional he seemed then.
Like he was never going to be able to kiss you again.
His hesitant breath against your lips as he pulled away. The way his touch lingered on your cheeks a little longer than usual.
You hadn't noticed.
You simply pressed two quick kisses to his face, one to his jawline, the other on his scar. Then you smiled and left him to go teach archery.
Maybe, if you had noticed his tension, the hesitance to let you go, you could have prevented all of this.
You knew realisticly you weren't to blame. Kronos had been poisoning Luke's mind for months, but even then you hadn't noticed.
Certainly there were things you had. You had tried to get him to confide in you about his stresses, but he'd refused. When you got more pushy with it, he began distancing himself.
You stopped asking, not wanting to push him to much, and he seemed to relax, so you let it go. After that, it seemed like everything was fine again.
The two of you would stay up passed curfew, go for walks through the strawberries like you always had.
Then he left.
He left camp, and he left you.
You sent a silent prayer to whatever god was listening, begging for a moment of peace. For just one minute without your brain screaming at you.
You were of course met with nothing but your tear stained face, and the silence of the camp around you.
"Just one." You thought to yourself, "I would have been happy with just one last kiss."
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And here it is! My first ever fic for the pjo/hoo/toa fandom! I had the biggest crush on Luke when I first read the books, so I thought he was a good pick.
And I am taking request atm so shoot me an ask if you have an idea!<3
#normie writes#luke castellan#luke castellan x reader#pjo x reader#pjo#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo luke#gn reader#x reader#angst
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Valhalla | Loki x reader
Thor: Love and Thunder SPOILERS!!! This is also Loki from the original MCU timeline, who, you know died in Infinity War.
Summary: you died on battle after Gorr’s destruction. Once in Valhalla, you search for your dear love.
Pairing: Loki x reader (no gender specified, please let me know if you find any discrepancy)
"It's fine..."
"No, no, no!" He leaned down to you, your wound bleeding out so fast, he knew an asgardian wouldn’t bear a wound from the Necrosword.
"Thor, I am fine," a weak smile appeared on your dry lips. "Go with her."
"I shouldn't have dragged you here," he whispered. The tears forming on his blue eyes. “I’m so sorry-”
"No, I wanted to fight... along with you, I am fine... Don't forget that."
Your eyes opened. You blinked once, two times. The light was too strong for you, never in your life you've seen this kind of blinding light.
The last thing you remembered was Thor holding you in his arms. Gorr hurted you bad, but the pain was now gone. You sat down on the soft grass, blocking the light with your hand until you were able to actually see around.
There was a huge golden palace far away, a walking path leading you. The sky was blue and bright, just like you've heard the afterlife would be for your warriors.
Was it real?
“Y/N from Asgard,” a voice called behind you.
The man walked, standing up in front of you. He gave his hand to help you get up.
“Heimdall?”
The guardian smiled.
“Welcome, warrior.”
You accepted his hand, rising from the ground.
“Welcome to Valhalla.”
A smile appeared on your lips, the tears running on your cheeks. You hugged your dear friend, letting him know how much you missed him.
“I have someone who would love to meet you.”
Heimdall guided you through the path until you arrived to the palace. On the way, you encountered a couple of old friends and familiar faces from the Ragnarok and previous battles.
They all wore pretty robes and dresses, just like your clothes. The warriors seemed happy and finally in peace after a life full of worry. It was good knowing you will be able to share feasts with them.
Once you entered the palace, a crowd was able to be seen in the middle of the ball room.
“Is this what you do every day? Eat and drink mead?”
Heimdall chuckled. “Pretty much so, yes. We don’t get to do a lot of things here, you know. We just live peacefully, eat and talk about our biggest fights.”
The guardian started to look for someone within the warriors, you walked by his side.
“Of course you do...”
Making your way through the crowd of people, you finally saw him. The person Heimdall wanted to show you. He was all alone, resting his back against the pillar. His green eyes looked lost, looking all the people around having their feast, a half smile adorning his lips and his skin as pale as always has been. The green and black clothes he usually used to wear now gone and replaced for gold and white.
“Loki?”
His eyes went wide and the cup of mead fell off from his hand once he heard your voice. The prince raised himself from the pillar to see you. Heimdall gave you some space to be alone.
“My dear...” Loki got closer to you, his hand touched your cheek as if he was afraid of hurting you. Or afraid to think it was an illusion.
“You’re really here,” you cried, letting him touch your face. You grabbed his hands on yours, his skin felt cold. Just how you remembered.
His arms wrapped around you, squeezing you softly agains his body. Tears fell from your eyes. Finally you felt safe. After all these years, you missed his touch, his voice, his charm. Everything.
“Can we go outside?” you sobbed.
Loki took your hand and walked away with you from the crowd. You found a beautiful garden and a small fountain. He leaned until your foreheads touched, his hand caressing on your cheek like if you were meant to break in any second.
“I missed you so much...” a whisper fell from your lips. Your eyes opened and looked at his green gaze.
“Fate already reunited us. That’s all I care right now, I love you,” he mumbled against your lips before placing a soft kiss on them.
“I have so much to tell you,” you smiled. “I can’t believe I am here, in Valhalla with you.”
“Well we have now all the time in the universe, my love,” Loki kissed your lips one more time.
“You know, besides me Thor is very proud of you...”
“That moron,” he chuckled. “He better is.”
GENERAL MASTERLIST | MARVEL MASTERLIST
#thor love and thunder#loki x reader#loki fluff#loki fanfic#marvel fanfic#marvel x reader#thor#loki x female reader#loki x male reader#tom hiddelston loki#marvel loki#mcu fanfiction#loki#loki laufeyson x reader#loki odinson x reader#loki one shot#love and thunder
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Dani, Dani I'm sobbing, I'm afraid I am in dire need of a fic inspired by this
Took all of my breath away, I need him to say this to me
HELL YES, YOU GOT IT BABY
this is a little short though, I'm sorry... :/
-
You and Kit sat before the fireplace, sharing celebratory wine after opening night of his new play. It was a great success, having sold out and received a standing ovation. You beamed with pride as he took to the stage and took his own bow. He was adored by so many, but he was always most adored by you. His brilliant mind, sharp wit, and angelic looks. It was hard not to fall in love with him.
It was likewise with you. Kit had fallen for your intelligence, your poise, and your dark humor that always surprised him coming from your equally angelic looks; but he loved the shock whenever you struck him with it.
It was curious how well you two got on. Both of you had the tendency to lose your temper, to withdraw, or to be sharp tongued or short with people. You sometimes wondered if there was a missing piece in your brains. But perhaps you each held the other's absent part, fitting together like a puzzle piece, filling in the other's empty spaces.
"Another classic for Christopher Marlowe, I think." You smiled, holding your glass up. "A toast to you, my love."
Kit grinned, bringing is glass to lightly tap yours. "It would be nothing without my muse, my inspiration. To both of us, darling."
Both of you brought your glasses to your lips, swigging a sip back. You shuffled yourself to lean back into Kit's chest as he brought an arm around you, resting just above your chest. Gazing at the fire, you sat in peaceful silence for a moment. The warmth of the flame and the wine washing over you.
"You know..." Kit cleared his throat. "I've been meaning to discuss something with you."
"Hmm?" You kept your gaze on the fire.
"Well...I've been meaning to ask you something."
You craned your neck up at him. "Ask me what?"
You could feel Kit tense up under you. He placed his glass down beside him, adjusting the both of you so he could look at you.
"Darling...I've been thinking lately, about how you've always been there for me. How you've been a source of light and peace for me these last few years. And...I've wanted to demonstrate how I promise to be the same for you." He paused, searching your eyes.
You chuckled. "Kit, I already know that. Of course you are."
His expression remained stoic, reaching into his breast pocket. "Yes, but...well, what I'm trying to say...my love, I want to make you my wife." Out of his pocket, he pulled a golden ring with a small emerald gem in the center.
Your smile, lingering still from your chuckle, fell. "Oh, Kit...I...I'm flattered and awestruck. What a beautiful ring...but, y-you don't want to marry me, surely. A union with me...is...is a union to a life of misery. I am not well. I can be erratic, I can be cruel, I can disappear. You'll damn yourself to a life of hell with me. I-I-I fear I would drain your soul, darling."
Your eyelids hung heavy over your eyes as you felt tears begin to prick them. You hung your head, keeping your gaze on the magnificent ring Kit had presented; your heart sinking in your chest. Kit brought his other hand up, lifting your chin to look at him.
"I am well aware of your moods, and I care not." His expression had softened, looking deep into your soul with pleading eyes.
"Kit, but-"
He held a finger to your lips. "Not another word. We both know each other well enough to know we share the same dispositions, the torment that both of our minds release upon us on any given day but-" He paused, turning to take his glass of wine from where he set it down, and held it up. "If your love cost me my soul, then here's to damnation, darling. We'll descend together."
Staring at him, a smile returns again to your face as the tears spill over. You hold your glass up to his, toasting with him again, before bringing the glass to your lips for another sip.
"So...it is decided?" He asks, holding the ring up again.
You nod. "Yes. This beautifully unholy union shall be."
You hold out your hand, and Kit gingerly slides the ring on to your finger. He brings the newly decorated hand up to his lips, placing a kiss, before pulling you hand first into him to meet you at your lips. When you part, you stare into each other's eyes for a moment, both of you unable to keep your grins at bay.
#kit marlowe#kit marlowe x reader#christopher marlowe x reader#christopher marlowe#will tnt#jamie campbell bower#jamie bower#will tnt fanfiction
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and there was only one bed + comforting them - reader x jade/kenny
assuming that you both like each other but neither has made a move yet
kenny
if youre a girl he would offer to sleep on the floor until you convince him that you're 100% fully okay with sharing kenny please calm down no one is sleeping on the floor okay
either way it ends with you two sleeping with your backs facing each other with some space in between. like normal adults that can just share a bed. no big deal. this is okay. this is okay (he keeps repeating this to himself)
he assumes that you must be already sleep because you're so quiet but he can't sleep because you've never been this close for so long and his bed feels and smells so nice with you in it and he never wants it to feel any other way again
he's just been through so much in such a short time
wait
is he... crying?
oh kenny
he prays prays prays that the tiny sob he just let out was quiet enough for you not to notice it
"kenny?"
dammit
he feels the weight shift in the bed as you sit up a little. then, he feels a warm hand on his upper arm, lightly rubbing it
"kenny, are you okay?"
he can't say anything because its that kind of moment where talking will make you cry worse
"hey, it's okay" you tell him, gently patting on his arm to get him to turn around to face you "free hugs. come on, come here"
the way he latches onto you. he hasn't had a good cry like this since he got to this damn place
still he tries to keep it low to not wake up his mom, he doesnt want to worry her
but yeah :')) god bless sweet kenny
you're rubbing his back and stroking his hair and after a while he pulls back and starts apologising
you try to tell him that its okay and that he should just try to sleep. that you're happy that you were able to help him. as a friend :)
its okay, you'll eventually get there. not today but someday
eventually you convince him that it really is ok and he plops back into your arms. he's too tired to keep feeling guilty about it
he's so cute when he sleeps T_T protect the sweet boy !!!
jade's under the cut because it's the tiniest bit nsfw
jade is downright offended that he has to share a bed. he didn't want to share a house much less a room much less a SINGLE BED
"you can keep your 3mm of spare bed and blanket thank you very much. ill sleep on the couch. ill sleep on the BATHTUB. i'll sleep on the f—"
you have to be not so subtle about telling him that you were actually looking forward to having him join you in bed. wink wink. wink wink. wink wink motherfuck—
OH
"sure yeah we can share. i don't mind that"
this idiot
"just to be clear, what exactly am i... allowed to do?" while warily eyeing you. offer sounds too good go be true. sus.
"i don't know. what do you want to do?"
cowboy duel
"honestly, i just want to get one fucking night's worth of good sleep"
you chuckle. "alright. we can do that."
you get in bed and just cuddle him like it's nothing. there's maybe a few soft kisses.
you're so soft and warm, he's already melting
"is it too late to change my answer? i don't think i want to sleep anymore"
you chuckle again. "you really, really need to. come on"
"hmm. fine."
he closes his eyes and settles in your arms. it feels so nice. he falls asleep so fast
he is, also, so cute when he's sleeping. it's so rare to see him look peaceful
you kiss his forehead and fall asleep soon after. you both have really sweet dreams because the showrunners and their so-called new horrors have no power here shhhh my imagines are outside of their jurisdiction
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HI I DON’T WANT TO PUT ALL OF THE EMOJIS BUT I WANT TO KNOW ALL OF THEM FOR YOUR ASK GAME THX 🤝
MY DEAREST SAINT ty for giving me the space to be mentally ill about my beloved(s)
i’m answering these for clive since i’m the most mentally ill about him right now 👁️👁️
answers will be under the cut due to length (and some embarrassment)
🥺: how long have you two been together?
about four to five years or so
❤️: any talk of marriage?
not in any official capacity. though vows may have been whispered to each other on a particularly romantic evening. our souls are both intertwined for the rest of eternity ^_^
🕊️: any pets?
TORGAL!!!!!!! the most loyal and fluffy hound in all of valisthea. so warm and cuddly. such a good boy. i enjoy feeding him lots of treats. clive’s heart always aches seeing the two of us snuggled up together napping.
i also have a habit of caring for any strays that wander about
🫂: do you two live together?
yes!
💌: if yes to the last question - how long?
technically we’ve been living in the same place together since he arrived to the hideaway but we didn’t start sharing chambers together til a short while after we starting dating.
💭: where did you two meet?
the infirmary 😭 i was working as an apprentice under tarja at the time and aided in tending to jill when cid brought her in.
after completing my training i started going on assignments as a healer and would often join clive n co. 😌
🥰: have you met their family? have they met yours?
i have!!! i’ve met joshua, jill, his uncle and his mother (unfortunately). did not get to meet his father before his passing, sadly (RIP TO A DILF 😔)
i simply do not have living family in most of my selfships 😭😭 so he has not met any of my relatives
😜: who is the silly one who jokes and laughs a lot?
definitely me 😔 it’s always 50/50 on whether my jokes hit or not.
clive is funny but it’s always unintentional (whereas i’ll put in effort to make people laugh) he’ll do or say something and get a giggle out of me and be like ???
😯: have you two ever taken a road trip/vacation?
not intentionally. we’ve traveled lots of places but never for leisure because we’re both such busy bees. if we’re both not out on assignments we’re usually still working. i spend most of my time in the infirmary than not.
that being said, i do make note of all the scenic places we visit to bookmark them for when more peaceful times come. the first place i’d want us to go to together is the sea. i feel the most at peace there.
😠: what’s the worst fight you’ve had?
we both have a habit of running into danger especially when the other’s life is at stake heh heh i’d say the worst outburst was during one particular scare clive gave me with his injuries.
after patching him up i became sort of passive aggressive towards him and when he calls me out on it i kind of blow up about how he can be really reckless sometimes, that i understand the importance of destroying the mother crystals but his safety will always be most important to me (as selfish as it is) and it ends up with me sobbing in his arms crying about how if anything ever happened to him i don’t know if i could go on.
obviously he’s very powerful but i can’t help but worry!!!!!!
navigating our relationship with our joint trauma sure has been interesting 👍
🤑: who has the worst spending habit?
me 😔
clive is a man of necessity for the most part and while i’m not reckless per-say, if i’m out and have the money to buy a little trinket i probably will 😭
❤️🔥: how does your love languages differ?
tbh i don’t know which love language of mine is the one that i need most so honestly idk!!! 😭 i am the most greedy for love angel throughout the heavens
imo, clive is big on words of affirmation. gentle reminders that he’s not actually the big bad monster he often thinks he is. just sticking by him throughout everything means a lot.
😽: who likes pda?
we both do! though clive is more reserved than i. i kinda get in fits where i’m overwhelmed with energy and need to melt into him like butter and crawl all over him. there’s no containing me at that point.
though most of the time in public it’s just me holding him from behind or hugs. his embrace is always really comforting and calming and he always indulges me ^_^
though he won’t initiate kisses in front of others cause it makes him embarrassed. i’m always the one pressing a chaste kiss to his lips after finishing up in the dining hall, leaving him in his flustered state with the rest of our dining companions.
🛏️: who stays up late? goes to bed early?
depends on the day tbh. i’m the one who usually tries to go to sleep early, since i love mornings. sometimes we’re both up late working, or plagued with thoughts of the past. i usually fall asleep before he does regardless of what time it is while he keeps a watchful eye over my sleeping form.
😘: any pet names they call you? you call them?
clive and i are both chronic calling each other by their name type people 😭
but in more intimate settings, he’ll call me angel and i’ll let a baby or two slip out
👄: talk about your first or best kiss thus far
first kiss!! first kiss!!!
okay so it wasn’t long before we started dating. he had gotten injured while he was out and had to visit the infirmary. tarja wasn’t in and i was the only one running things. he had a few gashes that needed to be stitched as well as a few abrasions.
after 13 long years of fighting, i was the first gentle and “loving” touch he had. we’d friends for a short while at that point, some mutual pining going on though neither of us were acting on it.
at that point he was still in the mentality of not thinking he was deserving of any kindness due to what happened in his past. so when i come around gently stitching up his and tending to his other wounds, he’s taken aback. plus i may have been chastising him on being more careful cause there’s people around the hideaway (me) who worry for his safety and bla bla bla.
basically he gets overwhelmed with feeling and doesn’t know how to deal with it other than pulling me for a kiss. (mid stitch mind you!!! he was lucky no further damage was caused)
🖼️: who decorates the house?
both our stuff is has a place in our chambers but i’m the one who decides what goes where
#✰ミ NEW HIT SINGLE!#TRACK: RECORDED BUTTERFLIES 🦋#FEATURING; ❥ SAINTOKKOTSU#THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO TYPE OUT DJDJDJDJ#partners in time 🕰️
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i was so, so close to building my trust in this person back up again. i was feeling good about them again for once. and now they've gone and done something again and wrecked my self esteem and left me feeling icky all over again. and i have to put up (again) with the fact that one of my best friends on here still talks to this person and is still friends with them and i don't know how safe i feel being friends with someone who's friends with a person who consistently treats me like crap.
am i not allowed to have one good day? today was supposed to be great. i'm wearing unarguably the most gender-affirming outfit I've put on since senior year of high school. i have hot gloves to work with the flat iron how and i've been taken off the marcel so no more burning myself. i have a blow dryer that does my hair in five minutes. and i was gonna be sharing the other of my original short stories to ao3.
and then i come online to discover they've blocked me. we haven't spoken in months. they're not following me. i'm not following them. i'm not interacting with their posts and they're not interacting with mine. i've deliberately avoided them at all costs no matter how much i might want to because i said that i needed space at least until october and i'm holding myself to that. so what on earth could i possibly have done to deserve being blocked? i'm wracking my brain. i feel like shit. i feel like a monster. if i'm not a horribly abusive monster i wouldn't get blocked, right? i cried in the shower. i'm on the verge of crying again.
lord, am i not allowed to have one good day? does every string of them have to end like this? i told them to leave it alone so i can build my trust in them again, is it really so impossible for them to just do that and let me be in peace and go about my life not feeling manipulated and like i want to break down sobbing? when i already humiliated myself doing that yesterday when i burned my thumb?
#vent#i'm sorry i don't know where else i'm supposed to put this or what else i'm supposed to do#i'm on the verge of wondering if i should leave the site#but i don't want to let one person force me off it#but if they're going to keep doing this#and poisoning my friendships by being like this while they're friends with my friends#making me feel unsafe to be around my friends#i don't want to be here and have to be around people who interact with them anymore#and i just need y'all to know if i disappear#that i'm not dead this is all that happened
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A Homosexual Homestead
Introduction
Hello!
Today I have a story to share with you, which is told through Journals. I really enjoy the story here; however, I do need to preface these with some information.
This story involves a lot of discussions and actions related to the Westward Expansion of white people in the United States. Specifically the Homestead Acts of 1862.
This expansion was done with little to no respect for or acknowledgment of Indigenous Peoples and their cultures or their use of the land. While the people whose stories are chronicled in this journal never encounter indigenous people (or they never wrote it down if they did), they are still using a racist tool of a colonizing government to lay claim to land which their government had no ownership of.
At the end of the story, I’ve linked information and resources if you’d like to learn more about indigenous people, westward expansion, or The Homestead Acts.
I think there is still value in sharing this story, but I wanted to make sure it existed with the proper historical context.
The story below is precious and heartwarming. I hope you enjoy it.
Happy reading
Content Warnings:
Familial expectation to marry
Mentions of family death
Colonization of Indigenous land
Also posted assumptive-anthology.com
Journal
April 29th
I’m suffocating here. There is not enough space to love her.
Today I told Opal I wished we could leave this town. We fought, and I think we nearly left each other over it. I would not blame her if she left me. I have become irritable and upset as of late. The frustration of this life is binding me so tight that I lash out at her. If we could leave, perhaps it would be easier for me. But she does not want to leave, and I am trying to make peace with this knowledge.
It would be different if she acknowledged that she felt the same, but it's like she doesn't even care. It’s as though the fact that no one understands what we are is perfectly fine to her. It’s not fine to me, though. I want to love her loudly. I don’t know if I should be hurt or not, that she is okay to love me quietly. Not just quietly, but to love me in secret. I guess maybe I should be happy she doesn't need what we can't have. Maybe I should do what she does and not let it bother me. I could try, at least.
I don't like hoarding all of this anger within me. Which I suppose is why I told her about this in the first place, though she wanted nothing to do with that anger.
The candlelight is dwindling, and she is coming to bed soon. If only she could sleep beside me. Our separate bunks will once again haunt my dreams.
April 30th
I deemed it necessary to write in the morning today, for late last night, I spoke with her. I was mistaken. She is not happy either. She merely does not see a solution and has thus pushed her pain aside. I also see no solution, but do not possess the same ability to ignore this. We spoke for quite some time about the pain and strife, and I was reminded of the joy of sharing my life with her. I felt much lighter after having spoken with her. We shared our fears, and we have similar concerns. It felt good to hear that I was not alone. As I have grown to expect, she is walking with me on this journey.
May 4th
Opal’s ability to hold her pain so close to her chest has broken. When I returned home from dropping off a client’s dress today, I found her inconsolable on the floor of our kitchen. She would not let me touch her for some time. She only handed me a letter from her mother’s sister. Her aunt informed her that Opal’s mother intends to steal Opal away from me. She does not trust my seamstress wage to sustain us both. She doesn’t understand why Opal moved away from home- she never has. Apparently, she is insisting that Opal would do better living at home. She wants to come remove her from my life- from our life.
I have rarely in my life felt so helpless. I sat with gentle tears rolling down my face as the love of my life sobbed with all of her energy. It is a testament to her strength how long she was able to continue the exhausting act.
Eventually, her body’s shakes turned to trembles and the sobs to sniffles, and she allowed me to hold her. I carried her to her bed and held her until she fell asleep. I tried to think of something to say, but every word rang hollow in my mind, and I knew it would be meaningless in her pain. I only left her now to use the restroom and write down my experiences of the day. I have forgotten what else of my day I had intended to write here.
Nothing matters except her.
Opal is stirring. I shall rejoin her and stay in her bunk tonight.
May 5th
Today was better. I had several dresses for local girls, which I was to finish sewing, and Opal is to hear back soon on her application to the new shoe factory. We are hopeful that if she gets a job, her mother will relent in her insistence that Opal is better off at home.
It is said this factory will accept female workers there if they are skilled, and I know my love is skilled. Her father taught her much when she was young, and now I suspect she knows more about shoe making than many of the men who are hired. (Sometimes, I have heard her wish aloud that she was a man, that this might help her receive better jobs and higher wages. I remind her that her feminine charm is what attracted me to her, and she often grows quiet. There is a smile on her face in those moments that I yearn to understand.)
With Opal’s permission, I burnt the letter from her aunt in the fire. She was not in the room, but I couldn’t pull my eyes away. The anger at those who have caused her such pain roared within me as the fire turned their words to embers.
May 7th
Opal did not get the job.
May 8th
I have been talking a lot about running away. I don’t know exactly where I’d go, but I know I want to leave. The idea of getting out to a world where I can dance with my love without worrying someone will enter without our noticing is intoxicating. I desperately long to be near her in public, outside of the confines of our home, and to live our life together with less interference and opinions.
I do not think Opal likes these conversations, though she has told me she doesn’t mind. Her expression sours when I bring it up. Yet I cannot help but talk about it. I feel trapped, and I can see the way the cage is holding Opal as well.
I think the discussion of leaving makes her feel guilty. I think the idea may be more radical than she is comfortable with. She has a family here. She has a life and a history here.
And I would stay for her. If she is never ready to go somewhere else, then I will never leave. I hope she knows that. Maybe tomorrow I’ll tell her. Right now, she is asleep across the room.
The moonlight is perfectly angled tonight. It glows upon her pink cheeks and shines off of her brown hair. She always insists she is jealous of the curl of my hair, but the glow of the moon would not bounce off of mine in such a luminous way.
She sighs a lot in her sleep, as though she is having an exhaustive conversation with me in which I insist eating nothing but bread and butter would be perfectly acceptable for the rest of our lives. I can nearly hear her mutter “flavor” as she sighs. But she does not. I know this. In the 3 years we have been living together, I have never once heard her speak in her sleep. One night when both of us were suffering from a fever, I believe I heard her whistling through her nose, but otherwise, she remains a quiet sleeper.
Her eyelids are moving gently in dreams. It crinkles her face some, and a selfish part of me hopes that one day she grows wrinkles where sleep folds her face. Wrinkles that only I would understand.
Part of me hopes I one day will get to kiss those wrinkles with the window’s blinds open without the fear of gossip.
To write by only the light of the moon has begun to give me a headache. I shall retire to admiring her silently until sleep takes me.
May 12th
Opal’s mother, April, came over today. She has never been a shouter (According to Opal), but the disappointment was clear on her face. She did not take her shoes off as she entered. Upon arriving (without giving us more than a half day’s notice), she began to judge the size of our small home. She asked about money and how much work I got. At one point, she implied that no husband would ever let Opal live in such a terrible place.
The worst was over dinner. Our friends Austin and James (two gentlemen much like ourselves in their struggles) came over since we did not have time to cancel our plans. She spent much of the night trying to enquire about why none of us were dating. Had we ever dated? Well, why not? Surely it was worth trying? What types of dates would one even go on around here? Oh, to the pond? Well, HER Opal loves the pond.
It was exhausting. And we did not yet get a chance to apologize because April insisted on walking them out with us. The only thing which would have made the evening more embarrassing is if April had thought it appropriate to comment on the brown color of either man’s skin. Thankfully she held her tongue in this regard.
We went to bed early, and I didn’t dare even hug Opal before we went to bed. To risk such behavior would have caused Opal nothing but worry. Her mother is staying the night. We hope she will leave in the morning.
May 13th
Opal spent most of today with tear stains trailing down her face. I did not see her cry, though I suspect she pulled herself together whenever I entered a room. I wish she knew she did not need to do that. I tried to talk to her several times today about what had happened, but all she would say is that we should have Austin and James over soon to apologize.
We sat together for much of the day. I had sewing work to be done as she looked through the paper and read a book. Since losing the opportunity of employment, she has taken to reading more during the day when chores do not occupy her.
Austin and James were able to come over tonight. Opal cleaned up well before dinner and seemed less upset throughout. Though once our friends (who were more than understanding about last night) left, the facade fell, and she left me alone to clean up. I found her on her bed. When I attempted to hold her, she asked for space. She apologized and said she hoped her spirits would be raised tomorrow. I hope so too. And I hope April never visits us again.
May 14th
We are moving next week. For a small fee, we can move to land in the countryside that is uninhabited and claim it as our own. The government will basically give us this land if we help them to cultivate the empty space. They say no one inhabits the entire center of our country.
It wasn’t even my idea, my Opal, my radiant Opal, the joy of my life and keeper of my heart, read of this opportunity in the newspaper yesterday. She recommended this path for our lives, and I had only to imagine our free future to become convinced it was the best option for us.
Opal seems better today as well, her spirits are not quite as crushed as they were yesterday, and my optimism about her suggestion seems to be contagious. She suggested we discuss this with Austin. He is more like me and has often talked of “getting out of this town.” Now we have our chance.
I am going to retire from writing early tonight in hopes that my Opal’s mood is optimistic enough that she will let me lay beside her tonight. Oh, how she makes my heart flutter.
June 3rd
We have bought a wagon and a mule, and tomorrow morning we will head west. James has been conversing with several more knowledgeable people about the best paths to take. He shall lead our small caravan out to our freedom. We four will share a plot of land to start. Though we hope to each own our own plots eventually. They say single women, such as myself and Opal, and men with brown skin, like James and Austin, can own and farm the land. We will start with a single home to house all four of us, but we plan to eventually build two homes on the land we amass. One for each couple. Though we will eventually separate our living quarters, we will always visit frequently. I have had to promise this to Austin many times in the past week in order to assuage his fears. He may be more nervous than my Opal.
My Opal has just sent the letter to her mother, and I await her anger and wrath tomorrow morning. I pray we will leave before her fastest carriage can pull her to our home, but I fear she will be determined to have her words heard. Though a part of me worries she will convince my heart to stay here and that, by extension, I will stay here, I also trust Opal. She has said that she will go no matter what her mother says. I shouldn’t doubt her.
I must go. Opal has beckoned me to bed with her one final time in this cottage. It would be unforgivable for me to leave the dazzling lady waiting a moment more.
June 4th
It was her singing which made the travel bearable. When making our plans, we did not prepare for the possibility that my stomach would turn in knots as our mules pulled us forward. The only thing that brought some peace (in the form of distraction) was her singing. She has such a beautiful voice. Like a gentle wind chime playing just for me.
James and Austin stopped less frequently than we were forced to, but our friends were kind enough to stop before the sun set. We caught up to them just as the darkness overtook the gentle colors of the sky. I am grateful for the solid ground tonight. In our plans, we had discussed driving in shifts and sleeping on our wagons. I do not think I would have slept. The ground does not move and sway beneath me. My stomach has finally settled as my head rests on the ground beside my love.
She sang me a song I had never heard her sing before. It was mournful and gentle in its tale. It wove beautiful melodies together with the tale of an absent father. I wonder if her mother taught her the song. I wonder again why she has never mentioned a grandfather.
In her song and the lyrics she chose to share with me on our first day’s journey, I felt her pain. To leave behind my family was simple. We are not close, and my parents are not kind. My only regret is that I am leaving behind the graves of my 3 siblings, who never got to grow up. I do not mourn for the living. I think Opal does. I think she misses her mother, despite the misfortune of their last few encounters.
April was a kind woman. She was not one to give in to bouts of rage and, until the past year, had loved each of her children equally and loudly. The clearest image of her in my mind is of her face as her eldest son was wed. She wore a face of such ecstasy as tears of joy were patted away with a handkerchief. It was the kind of joy that leaked out of a person and into everyone lucky enough to stand around them. I only wish she could have seen a future for Opal in which she wasn’t dependent on a father or a husband.
Opal is telling me to stop writing by firelight and go to sleep. She is, of course, quite wise, so I shall listen to her advice.
[Between the two pages shown, there were many small notes about how the building is going. They seem to eventually have a house that the 4 of them will share for the winter, and they will build a second one on a second plot of land next spring. Homesteading was hard and a lot of effort. The journal passages are short and often just venting frustrations. None of them contain many contexts and seem quickly written. They’ve been omitted here for length and continuity of the story I’m trying to tell.]
September 21st
I have had too much on my mind to write for the past few months. This journal has sat abandoned. Yet tonight, I find I must record the events that have occurred.
I have never had a better day than today. This morning as the world began to wake up, I had my breath stolen from me by Opal’s easy beauty. I couldn’t help but once again profess my love for her aloud. She giggled and kissed me sweetly, telling me how she felt the same about me.
I thought both men had been out in the yard working, but as we held each other close, James asked, “Would you be married?”
After we were startled for a moment, Opal said, “We can’t.”
The magic of the moment had left her quite quickly. Wanting to keep it alive a little longer, I said, “Yes, of course I would.”
Opal stared at me as if this surprised her, though I don’t understand why it should.
“Of course, I would marry you,” I repeated, taking her hands in my own.
“You’ve never said,” Opal told me.
“I thought you knew,” I told her. Besides, it’s not like we’d been able to be loud about how we felt before. Even now, to have spoken those words makes me nervous.
She kissed me, and I swear I melted into the floor. Her answer was as clear as day. She’d marry me too.
We didn’t stop until James coughed from where he stood and got our attention. I tried to pretend to be ashamed of it, but I wasn’t. I moved west, so I didn’t have to be ashamed.
Then James asked, “Wanna have a ceremony?”
It took Opal and me about 10 minutes of questioning to understand what he meant, given that there were only four of us and none of us was a pastor, but we did it today. We all put on our best clothes, and Austin married us.
It’s not official, but it was never going to be. Opal couldn’t stop crying the entire day. She kept looking at me, blushing, and looking away. At first, I was worried this wasn’t what she wanted, but just before we went outside to hold our “ceremony,” she kissed me and told me she’d been spending the whole day trying to figure out how lucky she was to love me and to be loved by me. It took a lot of restraint not to kiss her senseless right then.
We stood holding hands as Austin spoke of our love and what he’d seen in the time he’d known us. He journals like me, but I think his is more poetry than mine. When I’ve seen him get drunk, he often starts trying to speak in verse. It’s clear to me now that when sober, his words can hold so much weight. He told our story with joy and tenderness.
I’ll admit that I cried. So did Opal. (So did James, but he denies it even though I absolutely watched it happen).
I’d sewn some cloth into rings for us. They won’t last long, but they served their purpose today. Maybe eventually, we’ll have the money to buy real rings. I don’t care either way, and I don’t think Opal minds either.
I didn’t realize just how much this small party would mean to me until later in the evening. Drunk on the excitement of the day (and two mugs of ale), James sat with me, watching Opal and Austin dance like fools.
“You’ve got a beautiful wife,” he told me.
A wife! I’ve got a wife!
I’m getting so excited by this that I nearly can no longer write. The only thing keeping me from putting down my journal and dragging her to bed is the sound of her voice singing songs with James by the fire. It would be a sin to stop her from singing. And she looks so happy and free. I think I’ll just keep watching her, soaking in her joy and turning it into my own love, until her songs grow quiet for the night.
Outroduction
I hope you enjoyed reading this charming love story!
I didn’t have enough information to find the record of their official acquisition of the land, so unfortunately, we don’t know how the story ends for these couples.
We do know that for that moment in time, they were in love, and they were able to exist happily within that love.
I hope that moment lasted for a very long time.
Thanks for reading.
Links
First Nations Knowledge Center
This Land by Crooked Media
Native History Project from Grinnell University lesson on the Homestead Act
Crash Course US History on Westward Expansion
Link to Purchase An Indigenous People's history of the United States
#An Assumptive Anthology#queer triple a#fiction#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia+#epistolary#historical fiction#journal#lesbian#sapphic#romance#gay#wlw#mlm#as in men loving men#not multi level marketing#homestead act#historical context
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Do you write fanfiction of your OCs? If so, can we have a taste?
I do. I plan on working on the Full story of Siva sometime in the future detailing her survival through the biblical apocalypse, but I am only working on a one shot for now. It takes place after the end war, maybe a couple months after the events of Darksiders, and it covers about how Siva is coping to a peaceful life, but no human ever comes out unscathed after her experiences. I put the Beginning snippet of it here , but I can share a little more too...
Siva's POV
With a sharp gasp for air, I shot up from my bed with a start, my heart and head pounding against their weak prison of flesh as tried to get oxygen back into my system. Through the ringing in my ears, I could hear a torrent of rain against the window, beating harshly to create a constant patter of sound. I had almost come back to my senses before a sudden flash of white light filled the room, making me tense up and freeze in place. Without even thinking I rolled off the mattress and onto the floor, my feet meeting the ground as my eyes flitted against the illuminated darkness. Where is it?! Where did I-
The shimmer of metal caught my eye, and I made a desperate sprint toward the hammer that rested at the door. I was so close...until the resounding boom of thunder sent a shock throughout my body, making my limbs lock in place. The last thing I registered was my body falling to the floor in an uncoordinated heap of limbs, my head was throbbing, and I couldn't hear anything except the staggering gasps for air as I laid there. The sheer sound of the elements outside sent my mind reeling, my adrenaline was pumping through my veins, and the terror came back in a raging force. All I could manage to do was curl up where I was, clenching my teeth as I felt a phantom pain run through my frame, wheezing as my stomach began to churn in ways I never thought possible. As if my body was preparing for the worst.
I don't know how long I spent on the floor, trying to still my beating heart that seemed to want to escape from my chest. Time spent clutching my gut as if my insides were imploding, while my brain wracked against my skull from all the images burned in my memory forever. The smell of burning flesh, the smoke and rot that permeated in the air with every life lost. The sights of endless bodies littered across the Earth, flesh and blood strewn about, and hopelessness of being the only one......it all came crashing down.
All I seemed to recall doing in that moment was summoning what ever strength I had, and while grabbing Ironbark from it's place, proceeded to drag myself to the only enclosed space I could think of. The storm outside continued to rage, and all I knew was that I need to get as far away from it as possible. Some where quiet and small. Somewhere safe.
Once there, I crawled into the space that was my closet, and there I stayed. Huddled in the corner, my back turned away from the outside world as I leaned against the wall for support. My grip on the hammer had tightened considerably, trying to regain some semblance of composure through the storm raging within. Breath........just breath.......
I tried to make as little noise as possible, keeping my dry sobs to a whisper as I repeated to myself. "It's over now......It's over now.....It's all over now......no need to be afraid...."
It was as if I were in a trance. My every instinct was fighting to stay awake no matter what, even though my mind knew there were no more demons or ghouls. The thunder certainly didn't help, for I seemed stuck to the corner, fearing what I would see if I turned around. The faint noise of heavy footsteps almost escaped me due to the storm overhead. When the lightning passed, I heard it. .
.....Oh god.....I'm gonna die.
The thought came without warning, and before I knew it, my entire being tensed uncomfortably as a sense of dread over took my mind. I wanted to fight it, whatever had just entered my home, but I couldn't move. I was too scared, and i felt as if I was caught at my weakest. I shut my eyes in resignation as the footfalls got closer, but when I felt the presence right behind me, I also registered something else.
The sound of heavy armor clinking against itself echoed in the darkness, heavy steps that stopped right at the door, followed by a scent. That familiar scent that I faintly could recall. While not as tinged with foul blood and smoke from before, the smell of iron, leather and the earth filled the small space. It was so strong that it began to draw me from my forced trance, but I dared not move until I was absolutely sure. Then after a moment of eerie silence, the familiar deep voice rose above the thunder.
"Siva?"
.......War?
My intial surprise was overtaken once more by the lightning strike outside, letting out a small whimper as I burrowed my face into the corner. Even as the thunder passed, I could not muster the courage nor the strength to answer back, too focused on trying to calm myself down. How is he here....and how did he get in? When I heard nothing, I tried to brush it off. Maybe the lack of sleep is making me imagine it......do I really miss him that much, that I think I-
"If you do not answer, I will break this door like the other.".
.....That explains how he got in....and proves he's.....real.
Clearing my throat, my voice wavered from the closet corner as I replied in haste. "I'm fine- just uhhh......resting?"
For a mere moment, a quiet energy hung in the air like a heavy mist. It was almost suffocating, and as I took a faint breathe to quiet my mind, the doorknob to the closet began to shake. I only watched as it turned one way then the other, and with uncharacteristic care, the large nephilim opened it as he poked his head in. Even with the darkness, his brilliant gaze lit up the small space, his eyes trained on my form as he looked to me for confirmation. I stared back with weary eyes. ".......Hi big guy."
Hope ya like, and would love feedback cuz it's still a work in progress.
#darksiders#darksiders siva atallah#darksiders siva#siva atallah#war x siva#siva#darksiders scenario#darksiders war x oc#war darksiders#darksiders war#siva x war#snippet#darksiders asks#darksiders ask#ask me questions#ask me things#asks#ask#ask me stuff#proxi asks#proxi ask#darksiders fanfiction#darksiders oc ask#darksiders oc asks#darksiders ocs#darksiders original character#darksiders oc
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hi, i’m back just to share a little squeal and gush about your epilogue chapter!!!! this whole paragraph, “they had fallen in love in the space of hundreds of small moments— between pages of scribbled out notes, between shaky hands learning a new language until the movements got surer,” is precious. this chapter has an air of dreamy nostalgia, but also peace. like they’ve finally found their happiness, they’re settled, and they’ve come to a full circle, back home. together. just as in love as they were and even more. AND you have ming and heart married 🥺🥹 MARRIED! i have all the questions and wonders about who asked, how it came about, was it a mundane day and the topic popped up out of the blue or was it planned to the T? UGH 😩 i love love and how you portrayed their adoration of each other. and heart’s voice, the “li ming” and “i love you” got me 😭 they deserve to love and be loved out loud. Yes 😤 this whole series is so heartwarming. like a hot cup of tea on a rainy day, just cozy. thank you, i always love your fics, and i always go back to them. sorry, this got real long. i can’t wait to read whatever you have next in store ❤️❤️
Hi I'm once again, sobbing on the floor from how cute and sweet and lovely this message is!!!! 😭😭😭🫂💞
Seriously, whoever you are, you never fail to put a smile on my face, ily!!! 🥺💕
Thank you so much for reading till the end, and telling me about all your fav parts! That paragraph you mentioned was probably my favourite one to write ❤️
I do think it was an ordinary day, they both knew what they wanted, and neither of them strike me as people for grand gestures, they've always found solace in the small, domestic, heartfelt things. Maybe it was a whispered question when they sat cuddling one snowy evening. Maybe it was on a loy krathong night and they were missing home. Maybe it was on an anniversary day? 🥺 Whatever it is, both heart and liming were ready to say yes, only waiting for the other person to ask 🥺💕
"this whole series is so heartwarming. like a hot cup of tea on a rainy day, just cozy" - this is probably one of the nicest things someone has ever said about my writing. I??? Am tearing up??? 😭
Don't apologise about sending long asks, they absolutely make my day!!! 😂 I'm glad my writing makes you smile and that you go back to them 🥺💞
Hope you're having a good day / night! 😊
#Moonlight Chicken#Heartliming#limingheart#Geminifourth#My school president#fourth nattawat#gemini norawit#Asks#Fanfic#Drabbles
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hey rora 7, 17, and 37 (no pressure tho :smek: )
Roma!!! Hell yeah!!! (and put the pressure on -smek-)
7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?
That's an evil question and you know it ;D Well... let's see where I shall begin.
There is, of course, i am apart (everything is connected) - i put a lot of thought into the worldbuilding for that fic. The idea of the belief system of the person influencing their metaphysical connection to the universe and as such alchemy and alkahestry was something I created for this fic, even if it has since firmly morphed into a general headcanon. This fic is also doing some stuff politics-wise that I really like - some of it is more subtle, like the hints on how I imagine the Imperial Court System in Xing to function, and some of it is more overt: the real troubles of slowly changing a country and returning to peace after years and years of war.
I am also deeply proud of my worldbuilding in an undertaking of deconstruction - more commonly called the Eastern Liberation Front AU. Because in this I get to play around with background characters, their world views, and the workings of an anti-establishment movement. My POV character (mostly Ed) doesn't see the world in all it's complexities, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. If anything, this is something that allows me to explore Scar's backstory, Shou Tucker, and even Roy and Riza's relationship through a different lens - and with that comes a lot of worldbuilding and geopolitics :D
But I can also mix it up with a bit of DC! A Constellation of Complications is a cyberpunk space-noir case fic in which Dick Grayson, bar owner and spy, has to solve a series of cyborg murders. This fic was a lot of fun to create because it deals with the question "what is a human? what is a person? and what is a cyborg?" only to fundamentally decide: it is all arbitrary but the system is so broken, we have to act within it. The laws are unjust, society broken, and yet... our protagonists can't escape those definitions and secrets and consequences. Lots of fun with that worldbuilding for SURE!
17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?
-sobs in my pillow in sorrow-
I mean... the Eastern Liberation Front AU is right there. This AU is so large and detailed in my head... I could write a thousand fics about and it would still not be enough. Especially since the fandom doesn't seem to share my unadulterated joy about... Ed and Al as "terrorists" and enemies of the state.
But there is more! Of course! Roy and Riza reaching their goal and then having to deal with facing the consequences of their actions - in a way that respects the good they did since then, but really delves into the nitty-gritty of "some things are just unforgivable"... and that deals with how liking someone makes it hard for the people around them to acknowledge their faults and misgivings and that that's--- okay. This one is truly more a vibe AU than anything else...
Super specific and somewhat cringe.... The five sacrifices get teleported to 1915 Europe instead when Father tries to teleport them to his lair - and now they are in our world, in the middle of a war, without alchemy (Shamballa-style). BUT what makes this AU way weirder and funkier and niche... the Truth basically sent them there with a "once you manage to find a way how to stop father sucessfully, i'll get you back but I really don't want father to eat me so.... have fun" and now the five sacrifices are immortal... (or something similar enough) and stuck in a different time/world. And then... this somehow turned into a Marvel/FMAB crossover? As in Roy and the Elrics are involved in the Super Solider Program, but the Elrics leave because they don't actually want to help any government at all, and they then just travel the world, join universities, and make low scale trouble until in 2014 the Avengers notice a similar heat signature from some files in 1915 and search for them to figure out what the fuck is going on.
Is this specific enough? :D
37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?
Hm... to stay on the FMAB train... Hero Of The People, the second part of my Eastern Liberation Front AU. It's the Shou Tucker incident but in an alternate universe in which Ed and Al never joined the military. Instead, they end up at Shou Tucker's place after one of their informants tells them about his library - they have to be sneaky because Roy and Riza are hot on their tails after Ed almost killed Hawkeye during an alteration in a train, and Nina is a breath of fresh air (but we all know how that story ends).
I like it a lot because it plays around with Ed being a lot more angry and unrefined than he is in canon - and yet he and Al still want to save little girls and learn how to change the laws of the world. They are the same, and yet their different story changed them and the world around them. Also... Scar's there and that encounter does indeed go very different than it does in canon.
I don't know--- I just have an eternal soft spot for that story and the world it is set in.
Thank you SO MUCH ROMA!!! <3<3<3
[ask me a question for fic writers]
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hello… tulip anonie here and she’s not okay :’D your latest drabble gave me so many feelings and now i’m still trying to cope here, a few hours later </3
i kid you not i actually have been having this question that i wanted to ask you this past week and i just haven’t got the chance to so it was just sitting on my notes app. I wanted to ask :
in that drabble with his ex, you mentioned that “he almost lost you once, and he won’t let that happen again”. was it when he forgot the movie date? or was it something else?
listen- i knew that their love is not fragile BUT BOY I COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG. but he was so scared in that frogotten movie date drabble and you never really mentioned their worse conflict than that one, so i couldn’t help but assume it was that one so i wanted to ask you 🥺 and my patience (more like lack of time 😅) just did me a great favor <3
—
*sigh* this drabble ruined me yet heal the wounds that i didn’t even realize were there.
“then why are you giving up on me? am i becoming a burden?” — he has never felt this much loathing for himself and his weaknesses.
and suddenly all the drabbles about oc being insecure hit me all at once, i want to hug them so bad, protect this little bean at all costs please jungkookaaaa 😭❤️🩹
“all the other people waiting in line for ___.”
i seriously needed to pause after i read this and cried into my pillow.
“you already own this book but this one got a different cover, see? it’s hardback? they say it’s a limited edition.”
as a book lover i can’t explain how this NOT little gesture means. i love him i love him i love him.
this is my favorite excerpt:
fuck giving you space. he wants drown himself in you and never come up for air. he selfishly wishes to be the first and the last person you fall in love with.
“i tried living without you like you wanted- but i can’t-” you hiccup in between small sobs on the other line. “i love you, jungkook. i can’t live carrying around all this love with me. it’s too heavy…”
ARTEMIS AT THIS POINT HOW CAN I READ WITH TEARS IN MY EYES
i really really trully love oc. all this time i thought oc and jk are equally lucky to have each other’s love but after this, i can’t help but think that kookie is the lucky one.
“going to build a life with you. i’ll build furniture, and they’re going to be ours.”
artemis… my hopeless romantic ass really can’t take this. how am i supposed to find love after this?
ooooooh and the tannies cameo in this one?!? you represent their characters and relationships with jungkook perfectly. couldn’t ask for better interactions :’)
oh!! and i listened to All your days by Shallou. That song reminds me of jk and oc after this drabble. And the vibe also feels like relief and peace and yearning and it has been my favorite song for a long time and now it reminds me of iw!couple and i can’t help but love it even more ♡
have a wonderful day artemis! thank you for existing 🤍
-🌷
hello my dearest tulip anonie 🌷🫂
yeah i’m sorry it took me quite some time to reveal it 🥺 i wanted to explore oc and jungkook’s personalities more myself before i wrote it, make it feel like a puzzle piece that completes a picture. not sure if i succeeded and i was still nervous to post it but i feel like i did it at the right time :")
AHHH I LOVELOVELOVE WHEN U SHARE UR FAVORITE PARTS
broke my heart imagining oc ask those questions. please do give them a big hug i’m sad they didn’t get any while going through all that 😭
taehyung was so real and so sick for that HONESTLYSFHFDHHD i went 😖 every time i read it while editing
OMG THE BOOK :((( i have a tiny secret about it i don’t know when i’ll be able to subtly reveal 🧐
i really really trully love oc. all this time i thought oc and jk are equally lucky to have each other’s love but after this, i can’t help but think that kookie is the lucky one.
jk will definitely agree with you in this one though >:(
hehe thank you so much my love i had lots of fun including them in this one it felt like the perfect opportunity 🥹
TULIP ANONIEEEE THE LYRICS OF THIS ONE </3 it fits them so right thank you for sharing your favorite song i will be listening to it lots :") and for everything really! ilysm 💗💗💗
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Grief with EMDR Therapy In Oakland Park, FL
Navigating Grief with EMDR Therapy: A Journey to Healing
I was afraid of attaching to anyone because I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable to the pain of losing them if they died.
It’s hard to focus on hope amidst the waves of sorrow, and the last thing I wanted to hear was that I needed to be strong and I would get through it. Losing a loved one can feel like your world is imploding with a meteor of emotions.
However, if the grief is emotionally and physically overwhelming and preventing you from functioning, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) just might be the guiding light you need to pass through the dark path of grief.
Grieving with Grace
Grief is a natural response to loss and a testament to the legacy of the love shared with those who are no longer physically with us, it’s also an incredibly painful complex individual experience. Five back-to-back losses were way more than I bargained for; I couldn’t seem to get a break from mourning, and grief had become a frequent path of mine. I started to feel like I was stuck in a pit of darkness with no way out. At times, every memory, every thought, and every feeling left me feeling crippled, helpless and fatigued. I couldn’t just get over it, I knew I needed to give myself grace, be patient, and allow my grief the space it needed to unfold.
Finding Light in the Darkness
Amidst the darkness of grief, I decided to practice what I preach, I decided to seek safe non-judgmental support. I did a significant amount of work with myself but felt stuck and needed another professional to support me in processing the unconscious blocks that were still lingering. I opted to do EMDR as I had much success in using it to process grief in the past. EMDR was developed to treat trauma and has shown remarkable results in helping individuals process various forms of emotional distress, including grief.
EMDR consists of bilateral stimulation typically through eye movements, tapping, or sounds, to facilitate the brain’s natural healing process.
My EMDR Experience
Although I was hopeful, I was nervous because I knew that this work would be emotionally taxing. Furthermore, I was starting with a new therapist which means that my nervous system needed to feel safe in his presence even before starting the work. My high tolerance for distress helped me to move through the preliminary prep work into the processing and desensitization phases fairly quickly.
I was guided to recall specific memories associated with my loved ones’ passing while simultaneously engaging in bilateral stimulation. At first, it felt like I was confronting “the boogie man” within me, and it felt like a tornado was erupting all the emotions I had been suppressing inside my gut. Facing my emotions and my unconscious thoughts often left me sobbing. As the sessions progressed, I noticed subtle shifts within me. The feelings of helplessness, guilt, and overwhelming fear of losing loved ones diminished. I was intentional about implementing self-soothing strategies and resting after each EMDR session.
Unpacking Grief
I must say that all the discomfort was worth it because I am worth it, I deserve the peace that allows me to have joy, healthy attachments, and fond memories of my beloveds without distress. EMDR helped me untangle the knots of grief that ensnared my heart. With each session, I found myself gradually releasing distorted beliefs and making peace with the reality of loss.
Memories that once triggered avoidance and overwhelming sadness became bittersweet reminders of the love I held for my dear loved ones. It was as if EMDR gave me a gentle hand to navigate my way out of the pit of darkness I was stuck in.
Embracing Healing and Hope
As I reflect on my journey with EMDR, I feel deep gratitude that I can think of my loved ones without feeling survivor’s guilt, and I can reflect on fond memories without feeling like a tornado is erupting in my gut. The pain of loss will never fully dissipate, however, EMDR has equipped me with the tools to carry it with grace and resilience. As I said in the beginning, I have experienced multiple losses and I am still exploring and processing various aspects that are painful. Each session feels like a stepping stone along my path of healing and is a testament to my resilience.
Your Path to Healing
If you are carrying the weight of grief, have crying spells, or days when you don’t feel like getting out of bed or even doing life, know that you’re not alone. You too deserve support, doing the work is worth it, you are worth it, and you deserve peace. Consider exploring EMDR as a means to navigate your journey through grief and healing.
Give yourself permission to get support, there is a light that awaits beyond the shadows of sorrow. Until next time, focus on what you can do and be kind to yourself because you deserve it!
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Our Vision is to normalize trauma, anxiety, depression, PTSD and other mental health disorders as the body’s way of communicating distress, and help our clients heal by teaching them how to tap into their bodies organic intelligence."
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At Emergent Counseling & Consulting LLC, services are person-centered, culturally sensitive, stigma-free, holistic and strengths-based.
Our services are tailored to meet your needs and help you develop the skills needed to get rid of anxiety and depression, and enhance your quality of life. Our methods are non-invasive, short-term evidenced-based techniques such as Brainspotting, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT Tapping), which simple and focused on reducing the intensity of distress associated with anxiety and depression.
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9–11–2001, The Night I Guarded a Mosque, Found an Old Teacher of Peace and Faced Down Hatred.
I come from a law enforcement, firefighter and military family. On 9–11 I was a reserve Deputy Sheriff in Tampa, Florida. That night, my partner and I were guarding the local mosque when a pickup truck loaded with men and guns roared up. I had been a deputy for a month. My partner was my training officer; she was only 5 ft 2. She showed great courage that night as we faced the anger of these men and their shotguns. After they left, the Imam brought us tea. We recognized each other; he was my Quran teacher at Ohio State when I was studying Islamic art as a graduate student. He handed my partner the tea and sobbed, oh, William, I am so sorry. I held him and through his sobs, assured him it was not his fault. He was one of the kindest men I ever knew.
The next day a teenager stole a plane from a private airport in Sarasota. He was broadcasting on an open bandwidth and we could hear the pilots from McDill and the tower trying to talk him down. It was a tense two hours and his father finally convinced him to land. The Air Force was pushing him out over the bay prepared to shoot him down. It was very hard to listen to as we shared a parking space behind a church with our supervisor waiting for orders.
A couple weeks later all the off duty Law Enforcement, Fire Fighters and First Responders in Bay area counties were ordered to report to the new Civic Center where we filled the floor and some of the venue seats. The building was standing room only. People were thanking us for our service. We all replied that we had done nothing but our jobs. It was shamefully confusing for most of us.
Twenty years later, as a civilian I watched home grown anarchists burn cities while politicians held Law Enforcement back. I didn’t know one officer or firefighter who did not condemn the actions of one man killing George Floyd as two trainees stood by knowing if they intervened they would be kicked out of work they had hopes for. That many in the country called for the deaths of all law enforcement officers just as the good old boys in the pickup wanted the death of 9–11 of a man who had done nothing but teach peace was a far journey from the night America saw all first responders as heroes.
It has been a troubling twenty years.
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Day 7: tears
This one is coming a little early today. Its been a week since I started this exploration and there's been so many emotions and feelings each day. Saturday I felt exhausted, I felt done, I didn't want to feel like this anymore and was fighting with my head that we needed to keep going, that this pain and discomfort was temporary. Sunday I felt so anxious in that yoga class and holding onto so many emotions that I've been working through the last however long.
I had feelings of understanding on Sunday. Understanding that I am worthy of love, that I am loved, I felt that love that I receive from so many people. I expressed my understanding and feelings to my friends that day. I didn't cry on Saturday and managed to get a little out on Sunday. I knew there was going to be a big release and I think there will be many more as I continue down this path of healing. Right now I'm laying in my bathroom my head resting on a squishmallow and covered in a small blanket while I hold a seal stuffie. I cried a lot before writing this and I'm shaking as I type.
I felt anxious for the last few hours, thinking I was responsible for someone's own sad emotions. I was worried I had hurt someone I care for and trying to think of how to fix it and make it better. The person never expressed to me that I was the cause of anything they were feeling. As far as I'm aware, I haven't done anything to claim responsibility for my actions and I know that I can't make assumptions, I have to wait until someone tells me something I did or said hurt them.
Growing up, I felt like I was responsible for the emotional well-being of the people around me. I needed to ensure my mother was happy, because if she was happy then the house could be at peace. I had to make sure my twin was happy, because if she wasn't, she might physically hurt herself. I carried that weight on my back to ensure my house was okay. Sometimes my twin would cry and talk about wanting to die, so I would walk us to the library a few miles away because if we were there, then we would be safe. My mom wasn't home in the afternoons or evenings, often I wouldn't see her until bed time so I was the parent.
I remember going to the bathroom to shower and I would sit on my knees hunched over as the water hit my back. I would cry and sob to myself, telling myself that I'm a good person, that I'm a good daughter, that I'm trying so hard, and that all I want to be is to be loved. I still do that from time to time, I remember crying a few months ago just saying out loud that all I want is to be loved. And logically, I know I am loved. There are so many people in my life that love me, but because of how I grew up, it's taken me so long to really understand what that feels like. I'm scared of losing all that I built and I won't be strong enough.
I'm sharing this photo of me crying not because I'm looking for attention or sympathy, though if y'all have pet photos I would be glad to see those. I wanted to show me at my most vulnerable, to show a side of me that I don't let people see. I've always been smiles and radiating energy, I've always tried to be like sunshine, warm, bright, happy. But that not always me, that's a part of me, but I'm also grumpy, I get sad, I get annoyed with client calls, I hate standing in lines, I cry a lot and Im not always strong. Sometimes I just want to be taken care of and I don't want to feel guilty for asking for that.
A friend and I were talking the other day about therapy and life and he had mentioned that what it seems I'm looking for is to be seen. I want my abuse acknowledged, I don't want to have to hide it away and sort of "move on" from it. I hate the idea of saying well that happened, but let's go heal and move forward because I want to sit in that mud and just be sad about it for a bit. I think there's a part of healing that isn't really visible or recognized and that just getting to hold your muddiness and give it space and getting to be sad.
I hated the idea an ex-friend had told me about "suck it up buttercup" because I want to confront my past, I want to look at it and be seen and hold it for a moment so then I can get all the feelings out that I never had the chance to in the past. I don't want people to say, oh Taylor he's so brave he's a survivor look at how amazing he's doing. I don't want to always be strong. I want to be sad, I want to be weak, I want to let my inner child cry so that adult Taylor can grow where he could not previously.
I cried today because I was scared I wasn't a good person, that everything I was working for was going to come crumbling beneath me. I was scared my friends would leave me as some had done before, I was scared that none of this was going to work out. I'm still scared, this is all new territory for me to be so open like this and to put it all out on display. It's so new to think about what a healthy love feels like and to just let myself be vulnerable, visible, and receptive to love. I'm scared as I strengthen my foundation with these new bricks.
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