#i just knew he was releasing in 1.1
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I like talking about bendy characters so it’s time to touch up topic of… Joey Drew himself
Doing it before fade to black release on purpose :)
Here’s my analysis of his behaviour and on the illusion of living philosophy
It’s a huge read and I’ve enjoyed writing it!
(Continuation under the cut)
1. Joey’s family situation was hard on it’s own
Joey doesn’t talk about his parents way too much and mostly focuses on story elements (his father being a shoe maker and how his parents affected his childhood) rather than on his parents as their own people.
They weren’t rich and Joey talks about their family earning a “honest living” but at the same time, he describes how hard it was for his father.
“We weren’t rich. There was an honest living to be earned and Father did that with Mother keeping the books” (TIOL, page 18)
“I definitely saw her (mother) more than I saw Father, who sometimes would only appear briefly at the dinner table, hunched, brow furrowed, silently eating his meal. He’d disappear downstairs right after, and I’d help Mother with the washing up. (TIOL,page 18)
He comments on his father creating fake scenarios (elves helping him to work) to distract from hardship of needing to work a lot to be able to feed their family.
Joey has hard time of understanding ‘why’ he does that and how fantasy can help to work but he wants to believe. He tries to prove to himself that magic can be real.
"I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it” (TIOL, page 19)
“I couldn’t see the elves. They must have been sitting on the table itself, hidden behind Father. I pushed the door open just a little bit and stood taller on my tiptoes.” (TIOL, page 21)
Joey switches between wanting to believe in illusions and not wanting to. He’s scared of not being perceived as normal by others.
He says that it’s not okay to be deep into the fantasy but notes on the fact that he can grasp the concept.
“I knew about make-believe. Played it all the time with my friends. But I didn’t know that adults knew about make-believe too. I nodded. (TIOL, page 23)
After he asks his father directly, he explains his reasoning and says that make-believe helps to feel less lonely (I’ll note on this part, it’ll come in handy later) which changes Joey’s perspective greatly:
"But the make-believe, the little characters, the songs, that changed his reality. What was reality except what we perceive it to be? Elves and magic? Well, why not? (TIOL, page 24)
It’s everything we’ve got to know about his family.
Hard working to earn money for living, using escapism to cope and distant from each other because of their struggles.
This distance likely has continued to grow with years, since for some reason he escaped his home when he was 15 y.o (+ signed up to army); no one seems to actually care and he was left on his own.
1.1 Stage name
Talking about Joey’s distance from his family, he doesn’t use his real family surname or full form of his name.
It’s not something that was explored a lot in Bendy (among all of its content) but we know that he doesn’t like to be referred this way.
'Joey’ was a nickname that he picked up for himself when he was 19 y.o.
"I’m Detective Adam Sinclair. You’re Joseph Drew.” “Joey,” I said. It was a new nickname I was trying out, ever since I moved to the Village. (TIOL, page 88)
Usually he’s referred as 'Joseph’ by his family members or people who are distant to him/don’t know him well.
But "Joey” is not the only one name he gave to himself.
'Drew’ doesn’t look like a real surname. He likely picked it up after getting close with Henry.
Imo Drew is a fun pun name that’s related to Joey owning the studio (and “Joey drew Studios” (literally) in the case of the cycle)
It has never sounded real.
Employees handbook mentions some “Dempsey” person who invests their own costs into the studio:
(Receipts: Investor Deposit, J. Dempsey)
Their initials are “J.D.” which makes it’s obvious who they are.
Joey’s house also doesn’t look rich which would make sense if he put all his earnings into the studio itself.
Bendy devs like to pick names that fit characters & “Dempsey” means “arrogant person” which does fit Joey perfectly.
1.2 Joey is deeply ashamed of the way his family lived.
Everytime someone mentions anything he associates with his past (shoes, for example) he overthinks and creates imaginary conflicts with these people.
His negative thoughts about them take whole paragraphs of text; he tries to make himself believe that he doesn’t care about looking “less” in someone’s eyes. He looks for reasons why they're worse than him constantly.
"Probably trying to figure out my past, and that was none of his business. Then I told myself it didn’t matter because I didn’t care what he thought. I didn’t care much for him in general. He might have been richer than me at the time, but that’s where his superiority ended." ( TIOL, page 26)
He often downplays people because he's deeply insecure and is scared of being outcasted, especially by rich successful guys.
After doing so,he switches toward praising himself and names reasons for why he's better (classic Joey Drew behaviour)
He was a year younger than me, hadn’t fought, hadn’t signed up like I had, hadn’t lied about his age to fight for his country like I had. What could he say to an answer like that?Nothing. Absolutely nothing (TIOL, page 26)
Не believes that they need to feel sorry for this because they have no idea how much he struggled in the past.
2. He's insecure & scared of things he can't control
I could've continues this in previous paragraph but it's a bit different.
You see, while Joey was insecure of his past (things he associated with it acted as "triggers") he still was full of himself.
It was an act but it looked convincing enough; with time it became harder for him to keep it up.
It easily explains his behaviour in batim tapes.
When Joey tries to reassure everyone that he knows what's going on, he actually doesn't. He's as lost as everyone else, he tries to act only when he's forced to do so.
He lies to people and runs away from responsibility because he's scared of abruptness, something out of his control.
Joey shows fear of everything that's unknown to him but he tries to play it off somehow: he tries to be on top and be unpredictable to others.
He treats himself as a human that lives around unpredictable fictional characters that he can't control or read intentions of.
"My father though was a real person. I knew that deep down. But in this moment I saw him not as a son looking at his father but as a viewer looking at a fictional character." (TIOL, page 50)
It's mentioned in the novels that Joey likes theatre and he expresses his thoughts about it to Buddy in dctl.
Theatre operates in "cycles":
Actors play their parts→ the audience applaud→ actors bow→ performance ends→ performance begins and so on.
It's has a pattern and won't introduce anything that will caught you off guard. It's "safe" and as a part of audience,you don't need to perform, you only watch.
Does it remind you of batim's cycle? Outside of holding grudges toward Henry and wanting to run away from everything Joey has performed with GENT, he also searches for control while not being included directly.
HE decides what will happen to the cycle residents. HE writes the story that other people can barely affect. HE blames other people for studio's downfall and makes them suffer for his wrongdoings.
Joey knows that he has failed but he can't process it. He doesn't know what will happen and he's scared of being put into situations he can't predict.
It's really shows how insecure he became with years.
3. Why Henry is important?
Why exactly Joey couldn't replace one man he didn't knew for a really long time? What made Henry so special to him?
We don't get a big insist on their friendship but it can be said that their short-lived bond was strong or at least Joey believed that it was.
Henry seems to be Joey's role model of sort even if Joey doesn't want to acknowledge it.
Joey notes on how Henry changed the course of his life without knowing about this
Henry is a determinated man who went for a career in art because he knew what he wanted & he stayed on this path no matter how hard it was to get any recognition.
Henry's the man who makes decisions and acts when he needs to.
Meanwhile, Joey feels lost his whole life. He searches for answers,purpose or a place with a "soul".
Henry gave him new meaning for life. Creative path with endless possibilities that Joey could build from scratch.
Joey was heartbroken when Henry left, doesn't matter for hard he tries to act like he wasn't.
"His presence was helpful, I can happily admit, but his absence was even more so. Not having him at the studio ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to it" (TIOL, page 138)
For some time his life was revolving around Henry. He knew what to do and what will happen, Henry always pushed him to the right decisions.
He says so directly in batim chapter 5:
"The truth is, you were always so good at pushing, old friend... pushing me to do the right thing"
With loosing Henry, Joey lost his newly gained purpose in life. It wasn't something that he was able to figure out by himself & it made him blind to the road that lies ahead.
He's angry at Henry for being like "other people" that he hates. For leaving him behind when he's scared of being alone.
We don't know about Henry's perspective much but he strikes me as someone who would be supportive of Joey at first.
He made some of Joey's ideas real and left only after a breaking point.
3.1 "Cartoon family"
Joey is deeply attached to main JDS toons that he "mutually" owns with Henry.
Especially, it's noteciable with toon Bendy who was called his child on a couple of occasions:
"Bendy was Joey’s child, and he felt just as strongly about Bendy as I feel about my flesh-and-blood son" © Nathan Arch (TIOL, page 5)
"He was my very first creation—one could even call him my firstborn." (TIOL, page 12)
Joey not only sees Bendy as his child but he also relates to him.
He draws parallels between them both, calls bendy manifestation of "the illusion of living" and shows some of his mannerisms (as he says)
Joey wants to see himself as Bendy.
A character who's loved by kids and adults alike and who always has friends around.
"I tell people that Bendy is the perfect example of my philosophy." (TIOL, page 12)
"To know that I needed a creation so perfect, so accessible to so many people, that it would help me change the way the world saw itself." (TIOL, page 13)
In Joey's apartment the only one picture in frame that he owns is illustration/animation cell of toons drawn by 'Henry Stein':
They're depicted holding hands with Bendy being in the middle of both; it's portrays closeness between them and Bendy's importance in the picture
But was it's actually signed up by Henry or Joey is the one who did it for himself?
We know from batim (and batdr notes) that Joey's signature is "your best pal" which makes this case...a bit complicated
Joey could've wanted to pretend that Henry is still close to him and decided to sign up drawing with his name
Or possibly it was signed up by Henry somewhere in the past. In this case, Joey could've adopted Henry's signature as his own.
Both speculations have place to be real and we can't prove any of them.
Joey's known for pretending (which would fit with the 1st possibility) but he's also stuck in the past and stole a lot of ideas that belong to other people.
Imo it can be interpreted based on the way you see him.
4. Why was Susie fired?
Joey's obsessed with everything that is related to Bendy which can be seen with him being angry about "crooked bendy dolls" or bendy expression sheet in batim ch 2.
We can speculate that Susie Campbell wasn't fired from the role of Alice's voice actress for any valid reason BUT because Joey felt personally offended.
As Norman says in dctl, Alice Angel was really popular for a bit, which possibly could have been unacceptable for Joey.
Bendy is the main character Joey relates to and he wouldn't have wanted to be overshadowed in any way.
Susie being fired and humiliated (for not knowing that she was in fact fired) is the consequence of Joey's insecurity.
Susie claims that "she was absolutely perfect for the role" at first so at some point Joey completely changed his perspective.
Any character getting attention would be good for the studio. Firing a voice actress that helps to get this attention lacks logical reasoning.
After Joey "calms down" he has a conversation with Susie about 'an opportunity' he has for her. This opportunity is Susie being the first (speculated to) human sacrifice. He believed that she'd have been a perfect Alice.
Joey puts Bendy above Boris and Alice (like he does with himself & other people) so him acting pitiful about any other character getting popular does makes sense.
But he still cares about them...to some degree.
"Boris was special, Alice was complicated." (TIOL, page 154)
Joey having complicated feelings with Alice as character is really interesting and it's perfectly reflects what he was thinking about Susie.
She was a perfect voice actress to others but wasn't to him. He thought that she'll be a perfect Alice (after the ink machine was created) but she failed to be.
"She was beautiful. And loved by all. She was perfect...No matter what Joey says." (batim chapter 3, Susie talking about herself in 3rd person)
In dctl he claims that he relates failed experiments to "people not being real enough" or says that they weren't pure.
At the end, Joey basically has decided to pretend that she never was real
Susie is never mentioned in his memoir and she's almost fully erased from studio's history.
In Batdr's studio tour (music department part) "Susie Campbell" was replaced with "Allison Pendle"; meaning that Allison is officially the only one Alice Angel voice actress according to him.
5. The ink demon
It's one of the most interesting parts here and I'm sure that a lot of people have talked about him better that I'll.
The ink demon is a "product" of mistreatment, Joey's unhealthy projecting and capitalism (duh)
Joey saw Bendy as his son
He wanted to be like Bendy, someone who's loved and can always escape from troubles
One of reasons to bring Bendy to life is his marketability. Joey wanted "alive attractions" he can get money from.
The ink demon wasn't able to fullfil any expectations that Joey had.
He was passive and harmless (at first) but to Joey, he's not a cheerful toon that he has always dreamed about.
One of main issues that Joey has with him is that he's off-model:
"Listen Tommy, i know you boys over at Gent are doing your best but I'm paying for living attractions,not walking abominations. Whatever that grinning thing was i saw walking around your office,you better keep it up locked tight! Might scare off investors!..." (batim chapter 5)
"Grinning thing" and "walking abomination." The ink demon is completely dehumanised because he's not marketable.
As it was mentioned earlier, Joey sees Bendy as a perfect being and relates to him
He doesn't want to relate to the ink demon; for this reason, he separates them both.
Joey has hard time with accepting "failures". They either get forgotten, dumped or he tries to change them somehow.
The ink demon is a mistake that Joey and GENT have tried to "fix" for years. "A monster" that has shattered Joey's dreams.
5.1 The ink demon's sense of self
It's Joey character analysis so this point won't be too big.
The ink demon was treated like a mistake for being different:
Closed off, isolated, put in the cycle,tortured.
He was in the place where no one would care because he's not "a perfect bendy". Most of it comes from Joey or is related to him in some way.
Everyone saw him as a monster and he has accepted this role.
We know how it went in batim/batdr.
Worth to mention that unlike Joey, he has never lied in batdr. It's either harsh truth or projecting.
6. Ink Children
Allison was close to Joey and had a good impact on him,as he claims.
Indirectly, she made him want to have a family with the help of the ink machine.
I doubt that this decision has come from the place of jealousy toward Henry (who has a family) unless future content will somehow prove that I'm wrong. Joey can have one good intention while failing everywhere else.
Joey could've wanted to have a family to prove that there's still something good in him.
He was scared of dying alone and being forgotten.
"I hadn’t known that at the time. It gave me chills. The thought of success only after death, now that terrified me. That was not the plan and would never be the plan" (TIOL, page 122)
We don't know how many children have perished until the final, perfect one. And we can't claim what exactly has happened to them.
We don't get much details about the creation process of artificial "almost humans".
The only one we heard (outside of Audrey) is "AD" (name of the file) from batim chapter 5
"Tell me another one,uncle Joey..." ("AD" in batim post credits)
And sadly,you can't say much based on this.
They could've been physically unstable and die on their own terms
(milk packages from Joey's kitchen table in batim chapter 5. All of them were stained with ink)
If they stained object with ink by interacting with them, it could've become worse with time.
Again,with lack of context,it's almost impossible to debate for or against this idea. Was that's a thing for other ink creatures?
Susie does brings up in batim that she was "a shapeless slug" at first.
Joey didn't changed much and dumped imperfect ones
Honestly this part depends on how much you believe that he could grow as a character.
(memo from batdr, GENT building)
The way Joey talks about "other versions" sounds... indifferent.
Which is weird, because he did spend time with "AD" from batim by entertaining her with stories when she has asked him to
Does he tries to justify them being dumped OR he's distracting from the fact that they didn't had a chance to properly exist?
It feels like it was left for interpretation on purpose.
6.1 Audrey Drew
Second and last artificial child after "AD" that we canonically know about.
For Joey, creating something perfect that will outlive him could've been a key to his definition of immortality. He wanted to leave something after his death that people could know about. A piece of "perfect art"
"...Of course, I intend to live forever, so that will never happen! Ha, a joke indeed, but in a way not a joke, for what is art but a doorway into immortality? The greatest Illusion of Living then, living on after we are no longer alive. What is more of an illusion than that?" (TIOL, page 219)
Joey makes jokes about living eternally even before the ink machine's existence.
After it's creation, it's wasn't something that he has planned but he was ready for this fate (for one reason or another)
At the end of his life, Audrey has became a thing he'll live through eternally. And Memory!Joey is here ig
Memory!Joey basically calls Audrey his magnum opus:
"...My Greatest creation" (batdr, final Memory!Joey custscene)
Which further established that Joey is more proud of Audrey than he ever was on the Bendy franshise (it's hard to be proud of the stolen ideas, peoples deaths or the cycle,eh?)
Audrey seems to share adventurous spirit of young Joey (in his early 20s) & determination
They both got dragged into events they didn't asked for:
Joey (when he was 19 y.o) by detective Sinclair who has blamed him for a murder.
Audrey by Wilson Arch who has wanted to murder her.
6.2 Audrey and the ink demon
Similar trauma, different outcomes and treatment.
How present Joey was in Audrey's life? Why did they got separated at one point even before he has died?
Is there's something Memory!Joey hides from Audrey on purpose?
Batdr archives mention that Audrey has repressed her memories but what and why exactly?
In batdr the ink demon interacts a lot with Audrey which holds huge significance on the story.
In his first interaction with her he says "ink speaks to me and whispers your secrets" so the ink machine (who seems to hold some sense of identity) does know too.
The ink demon heavily relates to Audrey through the game. They were both left alone (in different ways) and they share one creator.
"You are without the purpose. Your very existence.. was a terrible lie...you're a mistake. A monster. Just like me." (batdr, the ink demon, last playable segment)
He heavily projects on her through this last interaction. Audrey does has a purpose,she was created to be a daughter Joey did wanted and loved. As much as Joey Drew could love at least, if you see this part as debatable.
But there's one thing he's right about, her existence is a lie.
Joey put burden of "protecting the cycle" on her while she thought that she's an orphan.
Batdr archives also question how much agency she has, which i find interesting.
7. "The illusion of living" (or TL;DR for this analysis)
The art of lying masterfully and manual on how to justice God complex.
Joey describes his life from early childhood (when he was 5 y.o.) and to the point of him being 42-43 y.o., a bit before the ink machine was created.
This book is about a man who couldn't find his purpose in life even with the help of other people and decided to blame everyone for this.
Lies, accusations, insults, distorted information, searching for "a soul" (literally and figuratively) and never ending hidden sadness after he lost Henry.
He tries to replace this empty gap with letting their creations become his whole life but it doesn't end well... (the ink demon,dead employees and the cycle)
He tries to separate himself from this and focused on creating a family.
Artificial daughters are electric boogalo №2 (unexpected direct sequel) which has ended working somehow.
But still,i wouldn't trust this man even a pet rock and the ink demon & Audrey are a proof on 'why.'
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Trivial facts (bendy employees handbook/the illusion of living):
>He loves mac n cheese
>Joey meet Sammy at a theatre when they were teens
>Joey loves throwing peanuts at theatre actors
>In Joey Drew studios you can celebrate only main toons birthday or Joey's birthday. Other birthdays are prohibited.
>Joey stole award that Sammy has earned
> Joey officially is an employee of the month eternally...
> Joey stoles ideas for cartoons from employees and they don't get even a couple of cents for this (woah! How surprising /j)
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Special thanks to everyone who interacted with my Audrey analysis earlier!
#batim#bendy and the ink machine#batdr#bendy and the dark revival#joey drew#bendy#ink demon#audrey drew#henry stein#susie campbell#I won't tag everyone who was mentioned#bendy the illusion of living#bendy tiol#my post
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Past Lives [1.1]
Masterlist
A/N: Thanks for all the birthday wishes, guys! For those who are eagerly awaiting the next part of the Neighbour, it is coming. Slowly, but surely, it us under construction. Meanwhile, I have another indulgent piece for y'all to enjoy below 🥰
Warnings: smut ahead
The time had come.
With a listless thanksgiving come and gone and Christmas just around the corner, 2021 would be wrapping up with a bang for many and people were excited over future endeavours to come. The pandemic was almost over and a large amount of the population had been vaccinated. There was a renewed sense of optimism in the air, clouded just a bit by the uncertainty for more curve balls coming peoples' way.
Austin's flight had gotten in a few days ago, and he'd taken the time to readjust to the time change and his new, but familiar surroundings. He was in a new place in LA now, and just as before he had to get himself into some new habits. He was especially grateful to have the opportunity for a tearful reunion with his sister and his dad. In three tumultuous, truly tedious years, he was finally beginning to feel whole.
Jade however was still struggling, not that she would let anybody know.
The news had broke that she had signed a deal with Warner Brothers to produce part of the soundtrack for the new Batman movie, on top of that Cam was already speaking to press about the possible release of new music. There was a lot to look forward to for Jade, but there was also a lot of immense pressure that came with it. Arena tours and festivals, movie soundtracks, it was all a walk in the park at this stage in the game. It was nothing she couldn't handle, at least that was what she had been assuring herself.
Both Austin and Jade had a lot to look forward to, especially on that brisk Tuesday evening. California in winter was never truly cold, but there was a distinctive chill in the air, the change in season complimented by leaves turning from lush green to bold oranges and reds and the dreaded pumpkin spice latte was being marketed everywhere.
He tried to repress his nerves as he read the menu outside, then he flipped through his social media; that did little to calm his nerves of course. He wondered about what they might talk about, thought long and hard about what had been lingering in the back of his mind for months, though thought better than the chance that he might scare her away.
Around the corner, Jade's ankle boots clicked sharply against the pavement. She clung to her skirt to keep the gentle breeze from lifting it up, her eyes darting around until she spotted him, and she exhaled slowly.
He was leant against the wall outside the restaurant, a couple of building up from where her Uber had dropped her off, his figure and the way he held himself unmistakably Austin. At the mere sight of him she knew that even if she somehow forgot his face one day, she'd still be drawn to him beyond reason, she knew that no matter what she could never shake him.
It had been too long since she'd seen him, even by her own rationality and she let her mind wander back to the early summer, what he'd been wearing then, how he'd looked, what they'd promised each other. Joyful conversation, records on vinyl, books, deserts, pure, unadulterated joy after years of stress and fear. Smiles in movie theatres, hidden to the wings of stages. Dancing in the living room. Wine -- too much wine. Drunken, slurred compliments. His hips. Her lips. Touches. Softness. Intimacy.
She took a quick puff from her vape to settle her nerves.
As she found the strength in her legs to approach him, Jade realized that he looked a little tired; probably was tired with the filming of his project fully finished and the time change knocking him on his head. Nevertheless, he had insisted on them coming out together the first night that worked for them both. The jet lag and fatigue be damned. His hair was fluffy, locks of strands falling over his forehead and yet styled in a way like he'd tried just enough and his jawline was sharper than she remembered, only accentuated by the darkness. He was dressed with his carhartt jacket thrown over a black shirt, his dark jeans loose but accentuated his height and the shape of his thighs, his chelsea boots tapped gently against the pavement, his dark blue eyes reflective in the glow from the street lamp above. She never got tired of looking at him, watching him simply be.
Another puff.
Austin turned his head and when he spotted her, his entire face lit up, the corners of his lips turning up immediately.
God, she was beautiful.
Austin was walking to meet her halfway before he even thought to move, but he couldn't stop, didn't stop until he was stood right in front of her, his knees weak from how close she was to him after the countless days. He watched amused as she quickly buried her vape into her pocket, her lengthened hair falling just perfectly at the sides of her face.
"Hi,"
"Hi," she smiled back.
Up close, the details fell into place; the crease between her eyebrows when she concentrated enough, the freckles under her eyes, her chapped lips, old piercing scar in his nostril. The warm green of her eyes was familiar but he'd missed it so much it could've knocked him over.
"Hi..." Austin chuckled shakily.
She was wearing sheer tights and black boots, and a little black skirt and a green jumper. her hair feel in soft waves, now brushing across her shoulders, tamed just enough and her face had the natural flow to it he'd always known.
"You look..." he pursed his lips, shaking his head as he searched for the adjective to fit his declaration. There was no word that quite worked for her right now and he found himself rendered speechless, just like the first time in the park.
"... Bad? Good?" she laughed, the nerves clear in her voice at his silence, "Utterly unattractive or embarrassing to be seen with in public?"
"Wha -- no, Jade," he laughed off, "You look amazing," he took a single step closer, another deep breath in, "I mean, you always look amazing, but... you just do..."
"Well, it has been six months and some months," she simpered.
"Can I -- um, do we hug now or...?" she answered for him as she reached her arms out. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her against his chest and Jade held onto him in disbelief, the way his hands pressed against her back, the way his fingers stroked through the knots at the back of her head completely overwhelming, even the idea of him being her, in LA, with her, after years and year -- it was too much.
Her sharp, citrusy performed hit him forcefully, then became a comfort, "I missed you,"
"I missed you, too," she replied softly, his warmth flooded through her like a long forgotten memory.
Austin sniffled as they pulled away, his hands lingering at her waist before her buried them in his jacket pockets. Her mouth had never seemed so inviting, her lips a deep pink and he thought about kissed her with everything he had; though he thought better of it. He waited this long, he could wait a while longer.
"So, shall we?" he asked, motioned his head for the door.
Jade nodded with enthusiasm, her fingernails burying themselves in her palms as Austin led her into the restaurant, holding the door, the smile on his face aching.
The restaurant was fairly quiet, an upper scale place lit with candles and industrial looking overhead bulbs. They got a table in the back corner, secluded enough that it almost felt like they had the place to themselves. As they waited for their server to come he sat kitty corner to her and he felt his confidence waver, but then remember who he was, who she was, and basked in how good it felt to be here.
"You look great," Jade said suddenly, forcing him to lift his head to meet her faze, "I don't think I said... you look -- you look great,"
"Thank you," he smiled, raking his free hand through his hair, "Even with my eye circles?"
"Didn't even notice," she laughed gently and though Austin could tell she was lying, he was comforted by the sincerity of her previous compliment.
They ordered a half litre of wine to share and some snacks to nibble on for the first little while. He watched her lipstick leave a slight stain on the glass, noted the dark red polish on her nails and took a long sip of his wine, his ring clicking against the stem.
"So, what's been happening in your world?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said, gently laughing at his attempt at small talk, "Nothing... and everything, I guess,"
"I heard, you've been very busy," Austin hummed, "When did this Batman thing come about?"
"Cam signed me for the deal last year; I didn't believe him at first when he brought it up," she shrugged.
He nodded, "And I guess your NDA finally ran out," he concluded.
"Which means now I can talk about it without fear of being sued," she chuckled, "You had to sign one for Elvis, right?"
"That and a whole bunch of other mumbo-jumbo paperwork swearing me to secrecy," he muttered, his fingers tapping against the table, "What kind of songs you have?"
Jade knew she was being evasive, but also couldn't help herself. They both knew bigger conversation Jason the cards tonight, inevitable, unavoidable and now that he was sat in front of her, shuffling closer between each sentence, his cologne pulling her in, she wanted nothing more than to skip to the good bit, "Emo industrial," she chuckled anxiously, "It's two or three songs, but a lot of them took influence from Nine Inch Nails and Nirvana. I hope they'll do well,"
"They will," Austin nodded, "You don't look convinced," he noted how she fidgeted as she talked about it.
She bit down on her lip, "I scream in them," she admitted.
"You scream?" he queried, "How do you mean, like --"
"Not like -- to the point where you can't understand, but -- yeah," her face felt flush, "Like My Chemical Romance, kind of screaming,"
He nodded, "Okay, I see. Don't take this the wrong way, but I cannot imagine you doing that," he smirked coyly.
Jade shook her head with a laugh, curls falling into face which she was quick to tuck behind her despite despite the obvious red glow in her cheeks, "Bet your ass I had to work on that," she said, "I was recording when Flo came home and she thought I'd straight up lost my mind,"
He scrunched his nose, the image of her doing such just barely weaving together in his mind, "Guess I'll have to ask her about that when I see her next,"
"Please don't," she giggled into her glass as she lifted her to her lips, "I traumatized her that day, she hasn't forgiven me yet," Austin pouted dramatically before his smile cracked at her laughter.
"I missed your laugh," he mumbled, unable to hold back his word, "And that smile..."
She inhaled, trying to even her breath at the sentimentality, "You saw both when he chatted last week," she pointed out.
"I know, but it's not the same," he rebutted. His eyes were shining brightly under the lights, his expression soft and she longed to reach out and touch him, stroke back the loose strands of hair that had fallen into his face, but took a sip from her wine to sedate her need.
"Anyway, your filming's all done?" she asked, swallowing hard.
Austin nodded, "Masters of the Air has officially concluded -- my parts anyway," he grinned, "My manager said to expect calls for reshoots in the new year,"
"Let's hope you can get away with those here," she said, "You've been looking after yourself, right?"
"I feel good," he assured, "A lot of that I owe to you,"
"Me?" she popped a brow, "What did I do?"
He shook his head gently, "I'm not sure... but in the two weeks I spent with you in June, I felt more like myself than I had in two and half years,"
She gave a smile and a nod, comforted by his answer but the sparkle in his eyes had her heart racing. She tapped indecisively at the stem of her wine glass, "Glad I could help," she inhaled slowly. Where she'd been so reluctant to rush before, the urgency was now uncontainable as she couldn't hold back any longer, "Austin..."
"Jade?"
"Should we..." she motioned at the small space between them, felt her bottom lip quiver when she felt his fingers nudge against hers, "... Should we talk about this?"
Austin swallowed hard and tried to hold her gaze, "This?"
She nodded gently, her head barely moving.
Austin sighed, "Tell you the truth, Jade... I'm fucking nervous..."
"Nervous?" she repeated, somewhat surprised, her cheeks flushing at the clear emotion in his face, "How do you think I feel?"
"Exactly," he chuckled nervously, taking a brief second to look down at the table, at their hands, before he could face the surreality of their situation, "We never talked about this when we were apart. I don't know why,"
"Because it didn't feel so real," Jade replied, more of an insight then a suggestion, "We don't have to if you're not feeling --"
"No, no, it's okay," he laced his fingers with hers, drew patterns up the side of her pinky finger with his thumb as he spoke, "I don't -- like I told you before, I'll move at whatever pace you're comfortable with. Because you know, we had fun in London but, I know it was a spur of the moment thing. And if you have regrets --"
"I don't!" she interrupted him swiftly, "I mean -- sorry..."
"It's okay, if you want to --"
"No, no. Please," she nodded, "Keep going,"
Austin dipped his head again, avoiding her gaze, the pine green evoking emotions he didn't know what to do with. He was too happy, too uncertain; every plan he'd had before she stepped back into his life had vanished.
"What I want to say is if you ever have regrets, or feel like this is getting out of control, or if you meet somebody else... we don't have to continue this," he motioned between them, "But, just know that I enjoy spending time with you, not just the physical aspect but all the ways we have, and I don't have second thoughts about anything,"
Jade didn't know what to do with herself. It wasn't as if she hadn't been expecting it, hadn't replayed versions of this conversation in her head over and over, but his words still affected her. Her jaw was locked with tension but a smile was twitching on her lips at the honestly and relief in his expression, "Fuck," she muttered, clutching her chest with her free hand. She parted her lips to speak, but all that came was her own relief as she scrambled for something of some intelligence to say.
"Are you... are you good?" Austin laughed, shifting closer to her side, his hand now resting fully on hers.
"I'm good," she admitted, pushing her tongue into her cheek to gather her thoughts. He was so close now that she was sure he could feel the racing in her chest, "I appreciate it. I..." she finally lifted her head again to the hold the intensity of his gaze, "I feel the same. And we can work out some more ground rules and boundaries later but... I agree. And no, I don't regret a thing, either,"
He let go of her hand and brought it up to her face, gently, tentatively, watching her eyelashes flutter as she fell into his touch, parted her lips in a sigh, shifting her flushed cheek against the palm of his hand.
When she found the strength to look at him again, his dark stare made her entire body shiver.
"What are the ground rules for this part?" he asked, his raspy voice falling into a low whisper.
She tilted her head, the intensity of his stare boring into her as her tongue tingled with the anticipation of what was to come, "Discreet, but blissful?"
"I can do that," and Austin's lips met Jade's naturally.
They were slow at first, careful, precise, every more anticipated and calculated, like retracing their steps. Austin worked his hips over hers gently, laced with need, kissing her just like he had in the elevator, in his living room.
Jade brushed his hair back form his face, sighing softly when his hand came down on her thigh too, the heat of his touch seeping through her tights. He filled her senses, his sharp cologne, his touch, everything seeking to remind her of how he consumed her.
As Jade began to draw away, Austin drew her in for another peck or two, smirking against her mouth, the two of them taking a deep breath to allow the gravity of the moment sink in before they opened their eyes to each other again.
They drank and dined merrily for the rest of the evening, catching up on the sporadic and they incoming ongoings they both had coming up. The trailer or photos for Elvis hadn't even come out yet, and Jade loved watching Austin talk about the project, even if it was just for a moment. There was this flicker of fear in his eyes, spawning form the fact that he prayed he did the King himself right, and yet that fear was intertwined by this bubbling excitement as he recounted some more onset mishaps and how -- surprise, surprise -- Tom Hanks was human, just like everyone else.
It was just before closing time the pair decided it was time to leave, heading out into the brisk, somewhat emptier street. Austin had his arm linked with Jade's, wandering aimlessly in front of the building as they waited for their Uber. Jade was leant up between the brick wall and Austin's shoulder, trying to will away her nerves that were evident in her constant fidgeting.
They took the car back to his place, he was closer than she was anyhow. It was a moderate house obscure enough that it wouldn't draw attention from any fan mobs or paps looking to make their next mark, but it was a beautiful Spanish style home with fresh white walls, rustic roof tiles, and a pool in the back discreetly hidden by the hedges and palm trees.
It was somewhere around midnight as they sat on the quaint back patio, the reflection of the aforementioned pool casting brilliant patterns across their surroundings. Another bottle of wine sat between them, only partially touched this time as they got lost in conversation again and again, regaining comfort around each other now.
"I'm thinking of adopting of a rabbit," she admitted.
"I thought you would have already?" Austin queried.
"Haven't thought about it much until now," Jade shrugged, "They're clean, they're good to travel... have I mentioned that?"
"Once or twice," he nodded, "I told you: a rabbit would suit you nicely,"
She smiled endearingly, looking out over the pool surface, "You want to get a pet?" she asked.
"I don't know. I used to have a dog,"
"I remember,"
"They're just a lot of work," he sighed, "I'm not sure I have the time to devote to one right now,"
"That's okay. You'll know when you're ready," she assured him, "Meanwhile... if you want to come down to the SPCA and pick out a rabbit with me...?"
He chuckled under his breath, "You know if I go with you, I'm gonna' see the dogs and I'm gonna' have to take one home," he pointed out.
Jade scoffed, "Like you with a puppy would be the worst thing in the world," she replied, "I'll help you take care of it,"
"Really?" he popped a brow.
"Sure. Only if you take care of my rabbit,"
"I'll take that deal,"
Jade's fingernails tapped mindlessly against the patio table, her dark red polish matched the varnished wood so perfectly. Austin watched her, still in somewhat disbelief that he was here with her, sitting in the patio with a pool he suddenly had and they rambled on about the most random things. It didn't feel real, but he felt so relaxed, so elated to have her back, even if it wouldn't be for too long, Austin knew he would take anything he could get.
She turned her gaze to meet his, blushing gently when she noticed him watching her, "What're you thinking about?" she asked softly.
He didn't want to tell her, he felt like he'd just be repeating himself over and over until she'd be sick of him. His gaze then turned onto the pool, an intrusive thought entering his head and suddenly inspiring him.
"I have an urge to jump into the pool," he remarked, "I haven't done that in a while,"
Jade simpered, "So, what's stopping you?" she asked.
"My overall dignity, I guess," he shrugged.
"Dignity is so 2019," and she nodded her head towards the pool, "You wanna?"
"Really?" he couldn't read whether she was being serious or not.
At that, Jade stood up, smoothing her hands over the wrinkles in her skirt, "Yeah. Why not?"
He stood up too and followed her to the pool, they kicked off their boots and stood at the edge. Austin glanced at her again, searching for either reassurance or a facetious smirk.
"You sure?" he asked again.
"We're only young once, right?" she replied, a coy smile at her lips now.
"She said to the thirty-year-old man,"
"You're not old. We'll go on three, okay?"
He stared down into the water, tantalizingly cool from the looks of it. He was suddenly filled with a rush of excitement, adrenaline searing through him as he was suddenly looking forward to what they were about to do.
"Okay,"
"One... two... three --" Austin leapt in before the last number could leave her. In an instant he was plunged into immediate cold, a shock to his system and sobering him up almost instantly.
He broke through the surface, snuffling water out of his nose and pushing his sopping hair back. However, he was perplexed when he rubbed the water from his eyes and saw Jade still standing on the edge of the pool, bone dry. He glared at her as she began to laugh.
"Okay, well what was the point in that?" he asked begrudgingly.
"I'm sorry," she giggled, though not seeming all that apologetic as she watched him tread water. He looked like a wet seal, pouting up at her with his big eyes, "I just... I had to. That was too fun to watch,"
"Jesus," he shook his head, muttering under his breath. He felt a little silly, but he couldn't complain that much either. After all, the view of her from the pool wasn't too bad, "Well, since I'm already here, would you like to join me or do I have to get out and throw you in myself?" he asked.
Jade giggled some more, stepping back shyly, and her hands came to pull up the hem of her sweater. His gaze was fixed to her, almost in disbelief as she shed off her clothes, revealing her beautiful skin and the contours of her body beneath, leaving her just in her bra and underwear. She maintained a calm exterior, though if anybody had asked, Jade was shaking like a leaf on the inside.
She took a running start before she cannonballed in, sending more water splashing over him though Austin didn't have a care in the world. She emerged a moment later, the shock of the water sobering her too just a little, though the excitement buzzing through her was too much for her bare. Nevertheless, she swam over to meet him.
"Hi,"
"Hi,"
"I'm sorry I tricked you," she muttered with a small laugh.
Austin hummed, amused with her wet hair, the droplets of water twinkling in her eyelashes. He could feel himself begin to pulse as his eyes traced every inch of her, from the freckles on her nose to the lacy green material hugging her hips.
"Mmm. You should be," he moved towards her teasingly slow, his voice dropping to that lower octave that had her head spinning, "But I could think of a few ways you could make it up to me,"
She couldn't fight the way his words made her chest flutter, how warm and inviting he was in spite of the water. Not to mention the idea of fucking in a pool excited her.
"Hm. So can I,"
It was had been six long months since she was before him like this, so vulnerable and tempting. She could pick out the contours of his broad chest through his shirt, she was anxious to pop those slippery buttons away and press herself against him. All either of them could do was float there, eating up the tension simmering, eyes locked together. It felt like an eternity almost when Austin began to move forward, his eyes slipping shut as he went to kiss her.
Jade however was still feeling a little playful.
Just as their lips were about to touch, she submerged herself under the water, swimming back so she was a few feet away. Austin's eyes opened as he was met with nothing, perplexed and still entertained to find her at the edge of the pool, an innocent gleam twinkling in her eye.
"What're you doing?" his voice was deep, curious, egging her on to play some more.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she shrugged back. After all, it was always more fun to make them work for it.
"Sure," he swam towards her, coming to the more shallow part of the pool so he could stand up, now towering over her, "Is this fun for you?"
She resisted the urge to laugh, almost mocking him as she pouted, "I seriously -- I don't know what you mean. I'm right here," she placed her hands on his chest, fingers toying wit his buttons to tease him further.
"Okay," he reached for her again, however she pushed off from the pool floor and tried to swim away again. She wasn't fast enough this time as he grabbed her by her hips and held her fast against him. She yelped delightedly as his fingers dug into her skin and he came down to whisper against her ear, "Behave yourself, or I might make you scream for real..."
With her last drop of courage hanging by a thread, Jade licked a long stripe up the side of his neck, "Try me,"
It was then the proverbial damn broke loose. Lips met teeth and tongue, hands found home wherever they were able to. The desire within the both of them was equally matched, neither one could bare to let go for a second.
Jade's fingers were plucking away the buttons down his shirt, pushing the material off and losing it somewhere in the water without care. His long fingers were at her hips, sliding down to grasp her butt as Austin took the opportunity to place sloppy kisses from the corner of her mouth, to her cheek, to her jaw, cascading all the way down to her neck, refamiliarizing himself with every crevice and freckle on her body.
She was already in bliss, his touches, his kisses were more certain, confident, reigniting the fire in her belly. She was at a loss for words when he started sucking at her collar bone, teeth biting down gently across her skin and she wrapped her legs around his waist, needing him to be closer than he already was.
The next thing she knew Austin had her sitting on the ledge, her legs spread so he stood between them. His mouth never left her chest and his hands slipped around her back to snap off her bra.
"Fuck..." he took a moment to breathe, to savour the moment, so purely captivated by how pretty she was, blissed out already and her radiant eyes were blown with lust.
Jade couldn't help the blush in her cheeks, her mind flickering for some semblance of sanity as she too savoured being here with him, so vulnerable like this but trusting him openly, "Take a picture, why don't you?" she teased.
His chuckle was dark as his hand toyed with her nipple, "Don't tempt me," and then his lips wrapped around the other, his deft tongue rolling the small bud around and around. Jade sighed, her chest arched forward and her eyes slipped shut. One hand was locked behind her, keeping her propped up while her other hand carded. through his wet hair, all she could feel was Austin overwhelming her like nothing else.
Meanwhile, his free hand came down to her hip, pulling away at her lace panties fervidly. He stepped back as Jade took the lead and slipped them off, now fully naked and beautiful before him. His cock was already twitching, the mere sight of her had him grasping hastily at threads of self control. She hadn't even touched him yet, not in the way he needed, anyhow.
She bit down on her lip, "Super random but... no one can see us, right?" she pointed to the wall of shrubbery to her right, "Like, neighbours or..."
"It's just us," he assured her, coming back to step between her legs, "Just you and me,"
She liked the sound of that, tilting her head up, "Just you and me," she nodded, "And maybe God,"
Austin always admired her sense of humour, no matter what circumstances they found themselves in. They didn't have to take themselves too seriously, and that took immense pressure off of his shoulders.
"I don't think God minds giving us a moment," with a lustful smirk hanging off his sassy retort, he slipped further down into the pool so he could slide his tongue up her slit. He was slow, calculative, ensuring he could taste every part of her first as he gradually sped up.
The arm keeping Jade propped up relented, sliding across the terra cotta tile until she was laying flat on her back. She could feel his fingers slip within her now, spreading her for him so he could find all of the sensitive spots, and she squirmed for him like a worm on the end of a fishing hook. He ate her like a man starved, she was a delightful treat for him as she withered and moaned, rutting her hips against his tongue.
"Austin -- fuck," she whimpered softly, whining and writhing as her only point of leverage was her hand scratching over his scalp, just egging him on more and more. His tongue slipped into her, picking up her arousal to spread over her neglected clit, and his licking turned to harsh sucking, "Fuck!"
Austin opened his eyes, seeing her now laid out before the heavens and stars. He couldn't resist pulling himself out of the water, still rubbing her clit at a steady pace as he crawled over her. He winced as some pebbles and flecks of sand dug into his knees, but right now he couldn't give a shit.
The cold water dripping over her was a shock, only adding fuel to the fire though as his tongue ran over her breast, sucking and marking before moving to her neck. His fingers were rocketing her to the limit, she was a mess of moans and gasps and watching her come apart for him was a pure fucking delight.
Jade couldn't form any words, pleasure skyrocketed up her spine and down her toes, the warmth in her stomach enveloping the rest of her body like an earthquake. His lips were on hers before she could comprehend, feeling her shake beneath him, further driving his own lust for her as he took her to her high.
She gasped as though air had been stolen from her, her legs shook, her wet hair tangled beneath her head as pleasure coursed through her body. Austin kissed her neck gently, his fingers ceasing their pleasurable torture, easing her back down to Earth.
Austin was at a loss, torn between wanting to fuck her himself or make her do that again. Watching her come apart, knowing he made her lose control so fervidly, it was addictive.
"Holy shit," she finally breathed.
Austin couldn't help but laugh, stroking his thumb gently over her cheek, "Are you okay?"
She nodded, pliant and breathless, though her own pleasure couldn't deter her from slipping her hand down to his pants and undoing the zipper, "You're overdressed again," she spoke softly despite her hazy smirk.
His eyes narrowed at her, amusement laced within, "My apologies," he spoke lowly, rolling off of her so he could slip his pants off. Jade rolled over onto her stomach and stretched out across the tile, almost cat-like in her movements. She watched him undress, pealing off his wet boxers and freeing himself and she blushed when she met his gaze.
Adorable, he thought, "Do I say it?"
"What?" she queried.
"Take a picture," he grinned mockingly.
Jade rolled her eyes, "Nope," she shook her head like a brat, "You're taking too long, though,"
Austin moved over her, tasting the hint of chlorine and sweat on her back as he ghosting his lips across her skin. His body was warm against her back, soft lips ghosting over her neck and his erection pressed into her butt. She yelped when he suddenly brought his hand down on one of her cheeks.
"Listen, if you want to act like a brat, then I'll treat you like one," he rubbed the sting out afterwards.
She was a little taken aback at first, though Jade couldn't deny she was intrigued by this side of him. She glanced at him over her shoulder, "Well, when you put it like that, I should do it more," she teased.
His instinctive rebuttal was a soft bite into her shoulder, gripping her hips firmly and slipping into her from behind, "Try me," he whispered in her ear.
Austin was a tentative little at first, rocking back and forth within her and building up his rhythm. She was tight and silky around him and he wanted to savour this as much as he could. They groaned out together, pleasure shooting between them, slick skin sliding against slick skin and cold tile. Their body heat was contrasted greatly by the soft breeze sending prickly chills over them.
"Fuck..." he grunted, adjusting his hands on her hips and sliding into her over and over again, his motion quick and sharp. Jade couldn't keep herself propped up, her nails scratched against the terracotta, the pressure that had fizzled out moments ago was building up within her gut again and it was coming fast.
The air around them filled with the sound of sex, the thoughts of neighbours about didn't occur to either of them as heavy pants and sweeter groans filled their ears. His cock slid in and out of her swiftly, leaving them both so lost in pleasure the rest of the world fell away. All Jade could do was take it, the pleasure overwhelming and making her head spin.
"Come with me, Jade," he grunted in her ear. He knew how close she was, hearing her whimper and gasp out -- whine after whine, and his hand slipped under her to find and play with her clit. He moved his fingers faster and faster, feeling her clench tightly around him, he only had moments to comprehend as he pushed deeper and deeper, and he felt her come around him. Her high was chased by his, his body shaking and his limbs becoming gelatinous as he thrusts became sloppy.
Jade collapsed beneath him; she felt like rubber and her body felt heavy. Tired, oversensitive, but Austin laid on top of her, still buried deep within and she felt so deliciously claimed. The stubble over his chin scratched pleasantly over her skin as he pressed kisses to her back, and their fingers were interlocked together on the tile as neither could find the energy to move.
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Nvidia CEO’s latest interview: Regarding competition, we like to create demand and position ourselves. When we make big bets, we have actually dealt with all possible risks in advance!
"Acquired" is a technology podcast that focuses on mergers and acquisitions, mergers, investment and innovation in the technology industry. It was founded in 2015 by Ben Gilbert and David Rosenthal.
Ben Gilbert has extensive experience with HE Tuber in entrepreneurship and investment in Silicon Valley. He was the co-founder of Madrona Entrepreneurship Studio, and later joined the Pioneer Square Labs incubator and jointly incubated multiple startups under Pioneer Square Labs; David Rosenthal worked at UBS and WSJ As an analyst, he is also Ben Gilbert's colleague at Madrona. The two have known each other for 10 years.
The latest issue of "Acquired" went to the NVIDIA headquarters. Ben Gilbert, David Rosenthal and Lao Huang dug into the ins and outs and original intentions of NVIDIA's entry into the data center, including Lao Huang's entrepreneurial thinking, original intentions of platform strategy, and internal management concepts. And market & technical judgment methods.
Lao Huang said that if technology companies become bigger in the future, don’t be surprised, because these technology companies produce very different things. How big the opportunity is, how big the company is, depends on how each company defines itself and how to match it. Changing Markets, the full text is as follows:
Ben Gilbert:
We've done about 500 hours of research on NVIDIA over the past two years, and then we flew to NVIDIA headquarters and sat down with Jensen himself. Jensen is the founder and CEO of NVIDIA. NVIDIA is driving the explosive growth of the entire AI. At the time of recording this episode, NVIDIA's market value reached US$1.1 trillion, making it the sixth largest company in the world by market value. Now for NVIDIA By a pivotal moment, expectations are sky-high, and I mean ridiculously high, and they have the most impressive strategic position and lead over their competitors.
There's a question on everyone's mind, will Nvidia's boom continue in the coming years? Will AI be the next trillion-dollar technology wave? How sure are we of this? If so, can Nvidia maintain their outrageous dominance as this market takes shape?
Jensen Huang：
Taking us back in time to talk about how they moved from graphics to data centers to AI, how they survived multiple near-death experiences, he also had a lot of advice for founders and shared the emotions of the founders' journey at the end of the show level.
David Rosenthal:
Just by doing this, I gained a new perspective on NVIDIA and Jensen as founders and leaders, and even though we thought we knew everything beforehand, it turns out we didn't know enough.
Ben Gilbert:
You are preparing to release the RIVA128, a revolutionary product for NVIDIA because it introduced a single-chip design for the first time, integrating 2D and 3D graphics processing capabilities on the same chip, which was very advanced at the time.
You only had a few months of working capital left, but instead of waiting to receive a real prototype, you decided to put it all through mock testing and ordered mass production without even looking at it, using whatever money the company had left. , all-in on the RIVA128, it's finally back, it supports 8 out of the 32 Direct Talk about the situation at that time.
Jensen Huang：
I had to convince them that the other 24 patterns were less important.
David Rosenthal:
Was this the original plan? When did you realize this?
Jensen Huang：
I realized very late that we should have done all 32 patterns, but we had already done eight, so we had to do our best, and that was a remarkable moment. Remember RIVA128? NV1 and NV2 are based on frontal texture mapping, there are no triangles, but curves, it meshes the curves, and since we are rendering higher level objects, we basically avoid using the Z buffer, which we thought would be a Nice rendering method, but it turns out to be completely wrong.
RIVA128 is a fresh start for our company. Remember when we started the company in 1993, we were the only consumer 3D graphics company and we were focused on turning PCs into accelerated PCs. Windows was actually a software-rendered system, so whatever How, RIVA128 was a fresh start for our company, by the time we realized we were on the wrong track, Microsoft had already launched DirectX, which was fundamentally incompatible with NVIDIA's architecture, and 30 competitors had emerged, even though we were the first company, but the world was a completely different place then.
On the question of what the company's strategy should be, I would say we made a lot of bad decisions, but on the things that mattered that day, we made a series of very good decisions. 1997 was probably Nvidia's best moment because we were in a desperate situation, we were running out of time, we were running out of money, we had a lot of employees, we were running out of hope, and the question was what were we going to do? The first thing we did was decide to embrace DirectX and let's figure out how to build the best thing in the world for it. RIVA128 is the world's first fully hardware accelerated 3D rendering pipeline, from transforms, projections, elements to framebuffers. Areas are fully hardware accelerated.
We implemented texture caches, we pushed bus limits and frame buffer limits to the maximum that physics could handle at the time, we built the biggest chips ever, using the fastest memory. Basically, if we made that chip, nothing would be faster than it, and we also picked a cost point that was significantly higher than the maximum price we thought any competitor would be willing to bear. If we build everything correctly and implement everything we know in DirectX, then obviously no one can build anything faster than it.
David Rosenthal:
In a way, NVIDIA did that as well, you were a consumer products company at that time, right? That was the case at the time, and consumers had to pay for it, which was critical.
Jensen Huang：
Yeah, but we noticed there was a niche in the market where the PC industry was still in its infancy and performance wasn't good enough and everyone was hungry for something faster, so if you had 10x faster performance than what was available , there will be a large number of enthusiasts willing to buy, and we believe there will be such a huge market.
It turns out we were absolutely right, the PC industry does have a sizable market of enthusiasts who will buy the best of everything, and this remains true to this day, in some segments the technology is never good enough, For example, 3D graphics, when we choose the right technology, 3D graphics is never good enough. What we called 3D at the time gave us sustainable technology opportunities, because it is never good enough, so your technology can continue to improve, we chose it.
We also made the decision to use simulation technology. It was a company called Icons, and the day I called them, they were about to close the company because they had no customers, and I said I can buy your inventory, and the reason we need that emulator is, you know, we have How much does it cost, if we finish the design of a chip and get it from the fab, then we start working on the software, and when we find all the bugs, we move on to the next design for the chip, by which time we are out of business .
David Rosenthal:
Your competitors will catch up.
Jensen Huang：
That's right, not to mention that we will go bankrupt. If we have to go bankrupt anyway, that plan is obviously not a plan. Usually the plan that companies follow is to design chips, write software, fix bugs, and then design new chips, etc., but That approach didn't work. We only had 6 months to complete one chip design, and we obviously needed to design a perfect chip.
I remember having a discussion with our leadership and they said Jensen, how do you know it's going to be perfect? I said I know it's going to be perfect because if it's not, we're out of business, so let's make it perfect, we only have one chance and we basically do it by buying this emulator and having the software team write on it Our entire software stack was "virtually prototyped" on the chip, and we just sat in the lab waiting for Windows to draw, which you know would be very slow.
David Rosenthal:
Each frame takes 60,000 seconds, right?
Jensen Huang：
Definitely, I think it took about an hour per frame, we just sat there and watched it draw, and on the day we decided to finalize the chip design, I assumed the chip was perfect, everything we could test had been tested ahead of time, and I told everyone Personally, we're going to finish the chip design, and what's next? The answer is obvious, go directly to mass production.
Ben Gilbert：
There's also a massive marketing campaign.
Jensen Huang：
Right, start everything right off the bat and we're sure we have the perfect chip.
David Rosenthal:
What percentage are you in this, and what percentage are your partners, the rest of the firm, and the board of directors? Does everyone call you crazy?
Jensen Huang：
No, it was clear to everyone that we had no chance of winning because we were going to go out of business anyway, so anything other than that was crazy, it seemed pretty logical, and frankly, everything I've described now, you're probably thinking It made sense; in the end it worked, so we finished the chip design and went straight into volume production.
Ben Gilbert：
So the lesson for founders is, when you believe in something like Rivo 128 or CUDA, put the company on the line, and that has always worked for you. So the lesson you take away from this seems to be to keep betting because so far, it's worked out every time. No, what do you think about this issue?
Jensen Huang：
No, when you bet big, I know it works. Note that we assume we designed a perfect chip. The reason is that before completing the chip design, the entire chip was simulated, the entire software stack was developed, all drivers and software were quality tested, and all of our Games, ran every VGA application, so when you made a big bet, you were actually dealing with all the possible risks ahead of time, and that was the lesson that, to this day, we all plan ahead and simulate the future that we can foresee.
David Rosenthal:
We talk about this a lot, you only make big bets when you know it's going to work out.
Ben Gilbert：
Every time we've seen you get companies to make big bets, you've simulated it, do you feel like that's the case with CUDA?
Jensen Huang：
In fact, before CUDA, there was already CG, so we were already playing with the concept of how to create an abstraction layer on our chip that could be expressed in higher-level languages and higher-level expressions, and How we use GPUs for CT reconstruction and image processing, we're already moving in that direction, so we have some positive feedback and intuitive positive feedback that we think general purpose computing is possible.
If you just look at the programmable shader pipeline, it's a processor, highly parallel, massively multi-threaded, it's the only processor in the world that does that, so programmable shader shading has a lot of characteristics that indicate CUDA has a lot of Great chance of success.
Ben Gilbert：
If there are indeed a large number of machine learning practitioners who will eventually emerge and want to do all these great scientific calculations and accelerated calculations, then this is correct. But when you start investing in what is now going to take about 10,000 years to build this platform, do you ever feel like, oh, people, we're probably investing ahead of the need for machine learning because we're 10 years ahead of the entire world realizing it.
Jensen Huang:
I guess so too, when we saw deep learning, saw AlexNet, and realized how amazing it was in computer vision, we had a good feeling, if you will, to go back to first nature Principle, ask what makes it so successful?
When a new software technology, a new algorithm comes along and somehow skips 30 years of computer vision work, you have to take a step back and ask yourself, is it scalable? If so, what else can be solved?
We made several observations. First, if you have a lot of example data, you can teach this function to make predictions, and we basically discovered a universal function approximator, because the dimensionality can be as high as you want, and because each layer is trained layer by layer , so there's no reason you can't make very deep neural networks.
Now you just need logical reasoning, go back to 12 years ago, you can imagine the logical reasoning in my mind. We discovered a universal function approximator, in fact, with a few more techniques, we may have discovered a universal computer .
David Rosenthal:
You were following image competitions.
Jensen Huang：
This is because at that time we had already delved into the field of computer vision and tried to turn CUDA into an excellent computer vision system. However, most algorithms designed for computer vision are not suitable for CUDA. So we all spent a lot of time trying to understand this problem. Then AlexNet came along and it was so amazing that you had to stop and think, why is it so successful?
When you think like this, you start to imagine what problems would need to be solved in the problem domain that a universal function approximator can solve? We know that most algorithms are based on basic scientific principles. You try to understand cause and effect relationships and build scalable simulation algorithms based on cause and effect relationships. However, for many problems, we actually don’t care so much about causation as we do about predictability.
Do I really need to know the underlying reason why you prefer one toothpaste over another? Actually, not very important. What we care more about is whether we can predict your choices. This way of thinking applies to predicting movies, music, weather, etc. We understand thermodynamics, we understand the radiation from the sun, we understand the effect of clouds, we understand the effect of the ocean, we understand all the different factors, but ultimately all we care about is whether we need to wear a sweater. Therefore, for many problems in the world, cause and effect is not the key, we are more concerned with simulating the system and making predictions.
Ben Gilbert：
It’s a very lucrative market, and it’s actually a huge challenge if you can predict the next best-performing project in social media feeds.
David Rosenthal:
What I was going to say is, I really like the examples you mentioned, whether it's toothpaste or ketchup or music or movies.
Jensen Huang：
When you realize that, it's a generic function approximator, a machine learning system, and there can be huge opportunities for learning from examples. Because the applications are so broad, ranging from business to science, you can see that this could impact many industries around the world, with almost all software eventually being programmed this way. If so, the way computers and chips are built could completely change, depending on whether you have the guts to support such a chip.
David Rosenthal:
So now we're at that stage, and so is Nvidia. But what I'm curious about is that a few years after AlexNet came out, at that time, Ben and I also entered the world of technology entrepreneurship.
Ben Gilbert：
I joined Microsoft after AlexNet in 2012, before anyone was talking about machine learning, and no one even mentioned it in the mainstream engineering community.
David Rosenthal:
Over the years, to many others around the world, these would have looked like science projects. But Silicon Valley technology companies, especially social media companies, such as Google, Facebook and Netflix, are just now realizing the huge economic value these projects bring. Obviously, this led to many things, including OpenAI a few years later. But how did you feel when you saw Silicon Valley unlocking huge economic value in the past few years?
Jensen Huang：
The first thought is, of course, how to change the calculation stack? The second thought is where to find the earliest possibilities of use? If we were to build this computer, what would people use it for?
We're lucky that working with universities and researchers around the world is natural for our company because we're already working on CUDA and the early users of CUDA are researchers. Because we popularized supercomputers, CUDA is not only used in AI, it has applications in scientific research in almost every field, from molecular dynamics to CT scan reconstruction to seismic processing to weather simulation to quantum chemistry and more. The scope of application is very wide, so there are many research applications on CUDA. When we realized that deep learning could be very interesting, it was natural to go back to the researchers and go to every AI researcher and ask them how we could help advance their work. This includes Yann LeCun, Andrew Ng, Geoffrey Hinton and more. That’s how I approached all of these people.
I used to go to all the AI conferences and that's where I first met Ilya Sutskever, so the real question at the time was what systems and software stacks could we build to help you be more successful and advance research; at the time it looked like It is a toy, but we believe that even GAN, when I first encountered Goodfellow, GAN was just a 32×32 blurry image, but how far can it develop?
So we believe in it, believe that you can scale deep learning because obviously it's trained layer by layer and you can make the data sets bigger and the models bigger. We believe that if you make it bigger and bigger, it will get better and better, and that makes sense. I think discussion and interaction with researchers is the positive feedback system we need.
David Rosenthal:
OpenAI was founded in 2015, which was a very critical moment. This is obvious today, but at the time, even people in the tech industry were confused, wondering what was this? Because you are so closely connected to researchers, this is a very critical time for Google and Facebook to clearly attract top talent into the research community and open up research. Are you involved?
Jensen Huang：
I wasn't involved in its founding, but I know a lot of people there. Of course Elon and Peter and Bill and Ilya were there as well, we had some great employees who were there at the beginning and I knew they needed this amazing computer that we were building and we were building the first version DGX, you saw Hopper today, it's 700,000 parts, 10,000 amps, the first version of DGX is what we use internally, I gave the first one to OpenAI.
It was a very interesting day, but our initial success was in helping researchers reach new heights. I know it's not terribly useful in its current state, but I also believe that one click could make it pretty amazing, and that belief comes from interacting with all these amazing researchers and from seeing the incremental progress being made.
Initially, papers were only published every three months, whereas today papers are appearing every day, so you can simply monitor the archived papers. I am very interested in the progress of deep learning and read as many of these papers as I can, and you can do so in real time. See exponential progress.
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Part 1.1: Run, Boy
The rhythmic crunching of gravel broke as Axel looked over his shoulder and stumbled. In the distance were beams of light ever watchful, searching the smouldering remains of the getaway car he had crashed into a tree. The chase was nearing its end, and he could feel his strength leaving him. He mustered the will to move. They must not find him here. He must find his sister. Just a bit further, and he would be free of this wretched life.
Suddenly, another voice crackled in his ear. "Axel? Can you hear me?"
"Nadia. Oh, thank God, I thought you'd been captured."
"I'm fine. Have you made it out? Is the job finished?"
"It is. I can't wait to leave all this behind. Are you at the rendezvous?"
"I am. Extraction can have us out of here in 10 minutes. See you soon, brother." The rendezvous was close. He just needed to make it over the fence and this would be over. He could almost smile. With the West Wing set ablaze, the price of a few lives seemed to mean little. Soon he would be free, and perhaps the nightmares too, would end. He pushed further.
For the past 3 years, Axel and Nadia had been two of Union Genetics' best soldiers, raised and trained to be ruthless killers, and taught to thrive under pressure. Their hands were coated in blood. Families and communities have crumbled as shadows pointed them like weapons. He always delivered, knowing nothing but complete obedience, for he feared for his sister. He knew what they could do to people like the two of them. As long as she was safe, nothing else mattered.
This was to be the final mission, the one to end it all and grant them the release they so crave. Maybe they could finally start fresh, go far away and live somewhere nice, like that family they killed last year, who lived in the woods. Somewhere he could keep his sister safe from the shadows. Exhausted, he ran. He pulled his hood lower to hide his long red hair. His heart was beating too fast, his clothes were starting to burn, and his sweat was sizzling on his rough skin. He took a deep breath.
He remembered the Institute just moments ago. As it burned to the ground, he felt a sick sort of thrill, as he willed the fire to burn forever. He hated that place, and everything it stood for. He was reminded every day of the night when he was taken, not even three years old, into a cold, depressing world. The things that were done to him, to those other children, to Nadia, he grew to hate them all for it, and the hate grew to feed his every thought.
But in all his agony, there was always one who stood by him. There she was, by the side of a dirt road. "Nadia!" Axel stumbled into her embrace. "Let's get out of here, quickly!"
"Were you followed?" Nadia squinted into the darkened trees.
"No, but we have to hurry. They found the car, the police could get here any minute." A rustling and crushing made Axel look around. Suddenly, he grabbed a torch and shone it into thicket ahead. He had heard something and knew they weren't alone. "Nadia?" He called.
"Axel, I'm sorry. This will all make sense, I promise." There was a buzzing spark of brilliant blue behind him, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.
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youtube
The 2022 Shkreli Awards have been released! Each year, the Lown Institute passes out awards as a way of reporting on dysfunction in the US health care system. Dysfunction in healthcare is one of our foundational pillars here at Healthcare Triage, and these awards highlight some of the worst examples.
2022 Shkreli Awards
VIDEO: The 2022 Shkreli Awards, featuring guest hosts Dr. Uché Blackstock, CEO of Advancing Health Equity, and Amy Holden Jones, Executive Producer and Creator of Thre Resident.
JANUARY 10, 2023 — Welcome to the 6th annual Shkreli Awards, the Lown Institute’s top ten list of the worst examples of profiteering and dysfunction in healthcare, named for the infamous “pharma bro” Martin Shkreli.
Nominees for the Shkreli Awards are compiled by Lown Institute staff with input from readers of Lown Weekly. An esteemed panel of patient activists, clinicians, health policy experts, and journalists help determine the winners. (press release | previous winners)
#10
Dentist bags a bundle by breaking patients’ teeth
How did Wisconsin dentist Scott Charmoli go from fixing 434 crowns a year to more than 1,000? By purposely breaking patients’ teeth, according to federal prosecutors. Charmoli allegedly drilled into patients’ teeth unnecessarily and submitted photos of the damage to insurance companies to justify expensive procedures. This move elevated his salary by $1.1 million, according to the Washington Post. The scheme was uncovered when Charmoli sold his practice in 2019 and the new owners reviewed his files, noting the absurdly high rates of crown procedures. Charmoli was convicted of healthcare fraud and sentenced to 54 months imprisonment and over $1 million in fines.
SOURCE: Jonathan Edwards, The Washington Post; U.S. Attorney’s Office, Eastern District of Wisconsin
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
Talk about supplier-induced demand! Oy, pass the laughing gas.
#9
“Dangerous” doctor deemed a star by leadership despite disgraceful malpractice record
Image caption: A February 1999 advertisement for CMC’s New England Heart Institute in the Boston Globe, featuring Baribeau. Source: The Boston Globe
Leaders of Catholic Medical Center in Manchester, NH knew their renowned cardiac surgeon Dr. Yvon Baribeau had one of the worst malpractice records in the country. Yet they continued to support Baribeau, featuring him in hospital advertisements and allowing him to keep operating over the objections of other CMC doctors, the Boston Globe reported. Examples of Baribeau’s alleged harmful behavior include surgical errors that led one patient to require blood transfusions of nearly five times her blood volume, and keeping another patient whose chest cavity had turned “black and necrotic” on life support as a possible ploy to protect his surgical 30-day survival rate.
Throughout Baribeau’s career, he racked up 21 medical malpractice settlements, including 14 related to patient deaths. In a statement provided by his lawyer to the Globe, Baribeau said, “I performed over 10,000 procedures at CMC, always with patient safety as my first priority.”
SOURCE: Rebecca Ostriker, Deirdre Fernandes, Liz Kowalczyk, Jonathan Saltzman, and Patricia Wen, The Boston Globe
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
The protection of doctors who are known to be dangerous is a national scourge that must be exposed and ended.
When a hospital administration puts “heads in beds” ahead of patient safety, it should be called to account—and not just by the media.
#8
Medical labs bilk Medicare for $300 million in elaborate bribery scheme
Three laboratories in North Texas allegedly found a way to score $300 million in extra Medicare reimbursements, the Dallas Morning News reported. In collaboration with two marketing firms, they bribed physicians to order unnecessary drug tests and blood work, according to a federal indictment. Some physicians got as much as $400,000 in kickbacks. In one case, even a physician’s spouse got an illegal bonus. The founders of all three labs pleaded guilty to the fraud in April 2022.
SOURCE: Aria Jones, The Dallas Morning News
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
Unnecessary tests and procedures are bankrupting us and harming patients. There is nowhere near enough coverage of this.
Unnecessary “care” is a huge part of the $1 trillion (that’s trillion-with-a-T) the US wastes in healthcare.
#7
Patients qualified for financial assistance; hospital sends them to debt collection instead
Nonprofit hospitals are required to provide financial assistance to low-income patients. Providence health system, however, did the opposite in many cases. Rather than ensuring that low-income patients received the financial assistance they were due, Providence hounded them to pay and sent debt collectors after them when they didn’t, according to a New York Times investigation. These actions were part of an official campaign to boost revenue called “Rev-Up” developed with help from corporate consultant McKinsey. The “Rev-Up” campaign directed employees to tell patients about financial assistance only as a last resort. The result: more than 55,000 patients were pursued by debt collectors when they should have been given a discount.
In response, a Providence spokesperson told the Times that they stopped sending Medicaid patients to debt collection, and said that they will issue refunds to about 760 patients eligible for assistance who were previously charged for their medical care.
*Note: The Lown Institute provided data to the New York Times about Providence Health System’s tax exemption for this piece.
SOURCE: Jessica Silver-Greenberg and Katie Thomas, New York Times
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
Large consulting companies like McKinsey are hospitals’ accomplices in revenue maximization.
Catholic hospitals have come a long way since the nuns of the Sisters of Providence provided services to the poor.
#6
When smokers get sick, this tobacco company has the treatment
Philip Morris has spent 175 years selling products that cause heart disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), and other serious health problems. Now the tobacco giant is poised to make more money treating the very conditions it helped create by acquiring companies that develop inhaled therapeutics, according to a STAT News report.
Experts told STAT News they are concerned that Philip Morris could potentially use research on inhalation developed by these newly acquired companies to hook even more people on their products. But don’t worry—a representative from Philip Morris stated they have no plans to do so.
SOURCE: Olivia Goldhill, STAT News
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
When your corporation creates both the problem and the solution to it, you clearly care about one thing: finding and making profits by any means possible.
In the 1980s, the hospital I worked in still used machinery made and branded by Philip Morris to treat lung-cancer patients. This is NOT a novel abuse— it must be stopped.
#5
Pharma giant exploits bankruptcy loophole to avoid legal responsibility for cancer-causing product
Johnson & Johnson had known for decades that asbestos, a deadly carcinogen, could be contaminating their talc baby powder products but continued selling them anyway. Now J&J faces lawsuits from 40,000 cancer patients, many of them Black women, as J&J allegedly marketed its talc-based products specifically to this population. To avoid the lawsuits, J&J created a subsidiary company with all of the baby powder-related liabilities and then declared this shell company bankrupt, NPR reported. Despite this “bankruptcy,” J&J ranked in the top 50 of Fortune’s largest companies last year. The fate of J&J and the lawsuits await appeals. According to the J&J corporate attorney, the bankruptcy will benefit victims by producing a faster settlement.
SOURCE: Brian Mann, NPR; Casey Cep, The New Yorker
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
Especially egregious because of delay in acknowledgement at the expense of patients
Big Pharma has become an evil conspiracy against public health.
#4
Hospice CEO allegedly tells employees to hasten patient death to avoid caps on government reimbursements
Bradley Harris, the CEO of Novus Hospice in Frisco, Texas, and a dozen other Novus employees were sentenced to a combined 84 years in prison for committing healthcare fraud, according to D Magazine. The US Department of Justice reported that Novus staff were provided with pre-signed prescription pads and directed to dispense powerful medications like morphine and hydrocodone to patients, without guidance or oversight from physicians.
According to an earlier FBI investigation reported by NBC Dallas, Harris allegedly told employees to dose patients with more than the maximum allowed amount of painkillers to hasten patient death, with the goal of reducing the average patient stay to avoid caps on government reimbursement. The FBI investigation revealed that a Novus employee was allegedly sent a text message by Harris, “You need to make this patient go bye-bye.” It is unclear whether any patients were actually given overdoses or died from Harris’ instructions.
SOURCES: Will Maddox, D Magazine; US Department of Justice
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
This behavior is abhorrent, cold and heartless
Individual and corporate greed, meet well intentioned yet perverse financial incentives.
#3
System keeps community hospital on life support to cash in on drug discount program meant to serve the poor
Image caption: Richmond Community Hospital.
The 340B drug program provides safety net hospitals with deep discounts on medications to ensure access to care for low-income patients. Richmond Community Hospital in Virginia, owned by Bon Secours Health System, has profited heavily off of this program, yet they don’t have an intensive care unit, maternity ward, or even a consistently-working MRI machine. That’s because Bon Secours has been diverting the profits from Richmond Community to its other hospitals in wealthier, whiter neighborhoods, according to a New York Times investigation. “Bon Secours was basically laundering money through this poor hospital to its wealthy outposts,” said a former Richmond ER doctor.
A spokeswoman for Bon Secours Mercy Health told the Times the hospital system spent $10 million on improvements to Richmond Community Hospital over the past decade. But that doesn’t seem like much considering the $108 million expansion at neighboring St. Francis Hospital, a nearby Bon Secours hospital.
*Note: The Lown Institute provided data to the New York Times about Providence Health System’s tax exemption for this piece.
SOURCE: Katie Thomas and Jessica Silver-Greenberg, The New York Times
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
Skimming profits from the poor is the sleaziest kind of theft.
Care facilities are thin on the ground in low-income areas nationally, which makes this story even more painful.
#2
Private equity-backed firm runs rural hospitals into ground, leaves patients in unsafe conditions and employees without health insurance
When Noble Health, a private equity-backed startup, bought two rural hospitals in Missouri, residents hoped this might offer a lifeline to the struggling institutions. Instead, hospital employees faced shortages in supplies and drugs, leading to unsafe conditions for patients, Kaiser Health News reported. Noble Health also stopped paying for employees’ health insurance despite deducting money out of their paychecks that was supposed to be for premiums. Some staff members now face hundreds of thousands in medical bills because they did not know they were uninsured, according to Kaiser Health News. Noble Health closed the hospitals two years later, after taking $20 million in federal COVID relief funds. The company is currently under federal investigation.
SOURCE: Sarah Jane Tribble, Kaiser Health News
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
Private equity too often puts profits over patients, and is using the proceeds to swallow up the US healthcare system.
Private equity corporations are one of the biggest threats to healthcare quality and justice.
#1
Insurers systematically overbill Medicare Advantage, siphoning billions of taxpayer money
The majority of large Medicare Advantage insurers have been accused of fraud or overbilling by the US government, a New York Times investigation finds. Overpayments to Medicare Advantage insurers were estimated to cost taxpayers as much as $25 billion in 2020. Because the Medicare Advantage program pays private insurers a set amount per patient based on their risk, there is an incentive for insurers to “mine” patients for diagnoses—for example, adding diagnoses for old or resolved conditions.
While Mark Hamelburg, an executive at AHIP, an industry trade group, said to the Times that some coding differences were due to doctors “look[ing] at the same medical record in different ways,” some of the diagnoses were clearly inaccurate. In one case, insurer Independent Health added a diagnosis for prostate cancer to a woman’s record, because “when a married couple has any disease, both were assigned to that disease,” Bloomberg reported.
Among the top 10 Medicare Advantage providers by market share, the following have been accused of fraud or overbilling by the US government or Inspector General and have ongoing lawsuits as of 2022, according to the Times: UnitedHealth Group, CVS Health, Elevance Health, Kaiser Permanente, Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, Cigna, and Highmark. These insurers have disputed the claims.
SOURCE: Reed Abelson and Margot Sanger-Katz, New York Times; John Tozzi, Bloomberg
JUDGES’ COMMENTS:
The overbilling of Medicare Advantage has become nothing but a big game that private insurers play. There are no rules, no morals, no sense of right or wrong.
The “advantage” in Medicare Advantage plans seems to go to the insurers who exploited Medicare for billions.
Weekly news for people who want a radically better health system
Judges for Shkreli Awards
Carole Allen, MD, MBA, FAAP
Immediate Past President
Massachusetts Medical Society (follow)
Special advisor to the president of the Lown Institute and lecturer at the George Washington University School of Public Health (follow)
Director of the Centre for Health Policy at University of Melbourne and senior fellow at the Lown Institute (follow)
Professor and chair emeritus at Duke University School of Medicine (follow)
Chair of the Lown Institute board of directors, former CEO of Denver Health
Assistant professor, NYU School of Medicine (follow)
Associate professor at Yale School of Public Health (follow)
Creator and showrunner,
“The Resident” (follow)
President of Physicians for a National Health Program and retired internist at Cook County Hospital (follow)
President of the Minority Health Institute, Clinical Professor of Medicine at UCLA School of Medicine, author of Blacks in Medicine (follow)
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hello this was the genshin team anon! (h might make that my name idk lol) anyways thank you for answering my ask because it was v fun to read!! I am slightly envious of your zhongli lol I've had so many people say his shields are super useful + his character is just. so nice hhhhh, but I joined after his rerun haha. CONGRATS ON AYAKA also you sound very op even if artifact farming is unkind,,, everyone ive met who's got either ningguang, zhongli, or ayaka as dps do Huge damage in domains and I'm constantly in awe
you did not ask (and i'm sorry if this ticks you off hsdkl) but the lazy yanfei build strategy is to just slap some wanderer's troupe artifacts on her and she'll become a beast (or at least powerful enough to get the job done lmao). as a yanfei main i must promote her lollll she's the most grind-free of all my characters because i've never successfully completed the crimson witch domain and am dreading the day I finally have to (if hu tao comes home I will gladly suffer for her though)
sorry about the long ask haha! anyways have a nice day
HFGJDHFJDHF zhongli’s shield is definitely very useful! i’m not a genshin character builder expert by any means, but i find that he’s still able to do a good job of protecting all of my other characters even though i really haven’t spent any time building HP on him (which is what his shield scales off of). inazuma is a bit of a different story, but even then i typically am still able to hang on to life by my last 3k HP so i would say that zhongli still tried his best there and i’m proud of him!! you’re SO RIGHT about his character being super nice, even aside from basic components of his character like his personality and backstory etc etc, i love all of the cultural references that zhongli has!
thank you for the congrats!! i could go off on several tangents about how much i love ayaka, but in a briefer note she’s so sweet and she’s the love of my life. ALSO I’M SO FLATTERED THAT YOU THINK I’M OP (hopefully i will be one day)!! right now, ningguang is most likely my best damage dealer, and zhongli and ayaka are both getting there! funnily enough, i spent around a week or so during the summer this year depopulating the ponds of mondstadt and liyue of koi fish so that i could buy that fancy new polearm from inazuma for zhongli and boost his ult damage, and the entire ordeal made me so sick of fishing that i haven’t really fished at all since then and his polearm is like either R1 or R2 right now whdfjhdfjhsd (also it’s literally level 60 while zhongli himself is level 90……..i haven’t farmed ascension materials for it either……..childe lied to me when he said fishing was fun, every time i see a koi fish now i go into fight or flight mode)
omg no don’t be sorry!! i appreciate getting build advice from other people because i think most of the builds that i have on my characters/builds that i’ve planned on my characters are all based off of advice i found online, since i truly don’t have the energy to try and compile them for myself. ALSO A YANFEI MAIN???? YOU’RE SO COOL we’re “maining liyue characters that work with the law” solidarity
i hope that you get hu tao! (use her to threaten zhongli with cutting his salary then he’ll come home on his next rerun) have a nice day as well!! <3
#oracle of athena#genshin impact#i love answering asks honestly so don’t worry about bothering me!!#i really do need to get zhongli’s polearm situation fixed soon#he’s been here with me for a long time now so he deserves as much#a funny side note is that i had been waiting and saving for ayaka for a long time so#when her banner announcement finally came i was so excited#however i was apparently SO excited that i MISREMEMBERED HER BANNER DATE???#if i recall correctly one of my friends asked me if i was ‘ready to pull for ayaka today’#and i was like ‘HUH WHAT DO YOU MEAN TODAY???’#yeah so i literally did not remember her release date correctly and she still came home!!#that’s what true love is!!#i also have a funny banner story regarding zhongli#i got him on his first banner run during 1.1#which really wasn’t long after i first joined genshin so i never kept up to date with specific banner dates and whatnot#i just knew he was releasing in 1.1#so anyways#imagine my devastation when i was waiting for my game to update and was so excited to log on and roll for zhongli#and childe was the first banner on the 1.1 update#ok i realize this is starting to sound more like a childe hate post#i don’t have anything against the tortilla boy i promise#he’s like one of the funniest characters in the game ngl#like almost everything sounds in-character for him#if mihoyo came out with a post tomorrow that said that childe eats soup with a fork i’d be like ‘yeah! that sounds right actually’#wait no now this sounds like a childe appreciation post#i’ve somehow managed to hit the two extreme ends of the childe emotion spectrum in one post????#THE POST DOESN’T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH CHILDE
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Swapped! AU (Leviathan, Mammon)
What would the brothers be like in a world where they are players of Obey Me! and you’re their favourite character?
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1.1 k
Leviathan:
Leviathan knew about Obey Me! when it was first announced. He's no stranger to gacha games and dating sims and wanted to join as soon as it was released for him to get those exclusive first release rewards
When an Obey Me! trailer was released, Leviathan learnt that love at first sight was real. When he saw you, addressing the MC and staring directly at him through the screen, his heart raced and heat rushed to his face like never before
Has collected and whaled for all of your UR cards. He hates how battles can only use one card for each character, he wanted a team of just you!!!
Dies whenever your UR+ animation triggers in battle. Which happens every. Single. Battle. You're destroying this poor man's heart
It’s become clear Ruri-chan was now second in his heart. Figurines and merchandise of Ruri-chan were being pushed to the side in place of merchandise of you
Goes to sleep listening to your call and uses your wake up call every morning to motivate him to get out of bed. Also goes to sleep with a body pillow of you
Loathes whenever another character gets too close to you. It makes him well in a pit of despair and in those moments, he figures you’d never look at him if you were real.
Characters that are too close to you will never be levelled up. If he reluctantly does and has them as a surprise guest, he purposely sabotages the meeting. The Intimacy Level is less than 5 and he’ll never increase it
However if he ever makes a mistake with your surprise guest session, he’ll never forgive himself. Your upset expression breaks his heart and he’ll always compensate by offering your favourite food
Without a doubt reads xReader fanfics of you. The comfort fics where you say you love him in his entirety are his go to favourites
There was a knock on his door and Leviathan groaned. The sickeningly sweet voice of Asmodeus was muffled but still took his attention off of his game. Off of (Y/N). He dug his head into his pillow for a moment to get rid of his frustration.
“Levi~ I’m going out to Majolish, don’t you want to join?”
“No,” Leviathan snapped back. Asmo thought he was being smooth but Levi knew better. He overheard the brothers when he left his room to get a drink. They were talking about how his lifestyle wasn’t healthy, how pale he was getting, how he needed to get out. Curse them all! A new Obey Me! event was going on and he needed the new (Y/N) UR+ card where they’re dressed as a butler!
“Oh, but didn’t you hear, Levi?” Asmo asked in that sing-songy voice of his.
“Hear what?”
“Majolish collaborated with various video games. They’re selling a line of clothing for them and I’m pretty sure one of them is that dating game you’re so fond of. There was a shirt with their face on it. What was that character’s name again? (Y-”
“(Y/N)?!” Levi screeched. He fell off his bed, hurriedly getting changed to look at least somewhat presentable beside his brother. He could hear Asmo laughing outside.
Levi burst out of his room, already walking down the corridor with Asmo barely keeping up.
“I’m doing this for (Y/N), okay? Your normie tactics to get me out of my room don’t work!”
Mammon:
Got into the game when he saw Leviathan playing it. He only watched out of boredom, making his typical quips until a character with stunning (E/C) eyes and a charming smile-
“Oi, who’s that?”
“What? Why- MAMMON YOU’RE RED IN THE FACE LOL!!!”
He watched your dialogue and character as Leviathan played, and realised he needed to experience this himself
As he got deeper into the story you started to confide to him about your insecurities and concerns. He cried. Repeatedly. Any character who treats you badly or underestimates you is going to get a mouthful from Mammon… if he could meet them
Another whale, he’s impulse bought so many things related to you. From all your cards in game to merchandise to outfits in your style and aesthetic
Still supposedly more discreet than Leviathan. His life-sized (Y/N) standee is hidden in his walking wardrobe, his chibi (Y/N) plush is under the covers of his bed when he’s out for the day
His typical tsundere nature still hasn’t left. He jokingly slanders you in tweets and posts but the instant anyone says anything even slightly unjust about you and he’s furiously typing an essay-length post on how you’re the best character in the game and deserve the world
You’re definitely his comfort character when the harsh words of his brothers cut deeper than usual. In those moments he often finds himself scrolling through fanart of you, your smile alone making him feel at ease
"Hell yeah!" Mammon burst into the living room waving his phone around, sporting the biggest smile possible. "Guess who just got a number 1 ranking in (Y/N)'s birthday event!"
"WHAT?" Leviathan screamed in disbelief. "I was struggling to be in the first thousand, how did you do that?"
"Nothin' but pure skill!" Mammon puffed out his chest with pride.
"Whatever brings you amusement in that non-existent brain of yours," Satan sighed as he lifted his book back to eye level, no longer entertained by the commotion.
“But from what I heard from Levi, don’t these games take a lot of money for high rankings?” Asmodeus asked.
“Oh yeah, crazy amounts,” Mammon eagerly plopped down on the couch, idly tapping the screen as (Y/N) visited him as a surprise guest at the end of his battle.
“Do they now?” Lucifer asked by the doorway, arms folded.
“Ack!” Mammon jumped at the voice of the eldest, accidentally tapping his beloved character on the chest. His heart dropped at (Y/N)’s disappointed grumble. He shot a glare at Lucifer. “Now look at what you’ve done!”
“How much money did you spend?” Lucifer demanded. “Or more importantly, where did you get that money?”
Mammon was already on his feet, edging away to the perimeter of the room. Lucifer may have the doorway but he could still dash up the stairs to his room for a brief respite until Lucifer inevitably kicks the door down. He did just that.
“All on my own, of course. Yeah!” Mammon called out behind him. “Uh, don’t check your balance, Lucifer! Love ya, dear eldest!”
Asmodeus, Belphegor Ver.
Beelzebub, Lucifer, Satan Ver.
Obey Me! Masterlist
#obey me#obey me x reader#obey me x mc#obey me shall we date#obey me leviathan#leviathan x reader#leviathan x mc#leviathan x y/n#obey me mammon#mammon x reader#mammon x mc#mammon x y/n#obey me fluff#obey me headcanons#everelegy-writes#everelegy-obey-me#obey me swapped au
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hello~ i was just wondering if you can do a kenma one wherein he gives you his button during graduation but you didnt know he likes you? thank you so much!!!
Hi!!! Thank you so much for the request :) This was cool because I had not heard of this tradition before and I had to look it up! This became so sweet :)
Graduation Button - Kenma x Reader
1.1 words, no warnings
A cool, spring breeze rustled through the trees overhead as you beamed and took pictures with your family. The other students were still filing out from the graduation ceremony, finding their families and exchanging hugs.
“Alright, alright, enough already!” you laughed at your family, who had been shuffling you through every possible combination for photos. From the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of bleached blond hair. You had walked out of the ceremony with your best friend but the two of you had subsequently been swept up by your families who were now gushing over you.
“Kenma!” you called out, seeing that he was now standing at a distance from his family. You knew he didn’t love taking pictures, but it was graduation, and you needed something to commemorate the day. The curtain of his hair bounced as he turned his head at the sound of your voice. Gaming device tucked discreetly into his robes, he actually spared you a small smile from the corner of his lips and walked toward you after making a brief excuse to his family. His smile grew slightly as he drew near you. You pounced on him quickly, knowing taking him by surprise was going to be the best way to make him compliant to the idea of a photo. You swept behind him and wrapped your arms around his chest. “Say cheese!” you exclaimed as you spun him toward the camera. Somewhat to your own surprise, his hands came up to rest on your forearms clasped against his chest.
The camera snapped with a flash and you instantly released him. “Thank you,” you grinned at him, reaching past him for the camera to see how it turned out. Your face contorted with a twang of sentimentality, seeing the you and your best friend from high school on graduation day. Kenma was actually smiling in the picture and it softened your heart. You turned the screen to show him as he peered over your shoulder. “Look how cute this picture is!”
“Yeah,” he said, lightness in his voice. “That actually turned out really nice.” You smiled almost quizzically, an expression on his face that you couldn’t quite read. Your families, familiar with each other after years of going to volleyball games, had turned to each other and began exchanging pleasantries. Your heart was so full and you were struck with the urge to squeeze your best friend’s hand, but you resisted. Your families distracted, Kenma spoke up.
“Um, Y/n,” he said softly. “Could we go for a walk? I wanna take a picture in front of the school.” You quirked your head in surprise at him and smiled. You supposed moments like these really brought out uncharacteristic sentimentality in people. “What a great idea!” you nodded. You let your family know you would be right back, and led Kenma the long way around to the front of the school, grateful for the brief escape from all the excitement. You could tell he was too as you rounded a corner of the building and he exhaled softly, the noise of the courtyard dying down behind you.
A few moments of silence passed between you, thinking of the day and your time together over the last few years. As happy as this day was, you also felt your heart growing heavy at the thought of leaving this school, these people.... You glanced sidelong at Kenma and ran your fingers over the brick of the building as you walked.
“Y/n?” Kenma asked.
“Mm?” you looked up. “You’re rather quiet” he observed. You smiled and exhaled a little. He was always paying attention, even when you weren’t.
“Sorry, yeah. Just a little lost in thought,” you admitted. He stopped walking beside you and your feet faltered, returning to his side. You were tempted to say something but something about the way he way he avoided your eyes kept you quiet.
“Yeah,” he agreed, clearly deep in thought himself. What you loved about Kenma was how often you two could be completely comfortable just being quiet in each other’s company. You knew the memories of the last several years and the uncertainty of what was to come were as heavy on his mind as they were on yours.
“Y/n,” he started, making you look up. “I’ve been thinking too... and there’s something I want you to have.” Your brow furrowed and you titled your head a little. You could see his hand fidgeting in his pocket and his golden irises flicked up to meet yours, then back at the ground. You stayed silent, quietly waiting for him to speak. Kenma pulled the hand from his pocket in a fist and suddenly reached for your hand with his other one. He pressed the fisted hand into your palm and his eyes met yours again. There was something insistent in them and you stilled, you hand in between the two of his.
Something light and smooth dropped into your palm and his hands slid away from yours as quickly as they had found them. You looked down and face-up in the center of your hand was a caramel-brown button. Your eyes widened and your eyes shot up to Kenma’s face, but his eyes were fixed on your hand. You kept it extended between you.
“Kenma...is this...?” he blinked and met your eyes, the words faltering on your lips. Tears pricked at your eyes as you shared a long moment of eye contact with your best friend. You wrapped your fingers around the button and half-fell forward, throwing your arms around Kenma’s shoulders. Of course. You never would have expected this from your best friend but now with his second button in your hand, it all made perfect sense. His arms closed around your lower back and he buried his face into your shoulder. You gave him a squeeze and pulled back, pressing your forehead against his.
“Thank you,” you breathed.
“I -” he faltered, for once struggling with the words.
“I know,” you smiled. You tucked the button into your pocket and took his hand. His lips trembled into a smile of what could only be described as pure joy. As always, the two of you didn’t need to say more.
“Now let’s go take that picture” you smiled, warmth flowing between your two pairs of eyes.
You always cherished the picture that you took with your arms around a smiling Kenma in front of your family, but what you loved more was the photo that became your lockscreen of Kenma blushing as you kissed him on the cheek in front of your high school.
#kenma#kozume kenma#fluff#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! imagines#kenma x reader#kenma fluff#kozume kenma x reader#kenma x reader fluff#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu!! x reader#kozume kenma x reader fluff#elle writes
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In Genshin, who are your favourite characters: 1) Lore and story wise, 2) Gameplay wise (how fun and useful they are) 3) Visual design wise and 4) Personality wise?
(Yo so I swear that I hit post on this but I just found this in my drafts... it’s been 3 months... I’m so sorry)
...I uninronically have to say Zhongli for all of these, but I’ll also add in another character for each because y’all already see me ramble about Zhongli every day 🥺
| Lore and Story
Zhongli - Do I need to say more... I absolutely love the narrative trope of “ancient powerful immortal learns how to be gentle with humans” and that’s Zhongli to a T. Even before I knew about Guizhong I was Hooked on him and now he lives rent free in my brain at all times.
Childe - His lore is deeply interesting to me, what’s with the whole falling into the Abyss as a tiny Babey. I feel like he’s going to be the gateway into a lot of important story elements, such as more information on the Abyss, the lady who lives there and saved him, the overarching villainy of the Tsaritsa, etc. Also we just love 1 (one) feral little boy who tried to fight everyone, got sent to the military as punishment, and then fought so good that he got Promoted to fight MORE.
| Gameplay
Zhongli - Uhhhh I have him at C6 so that might might skew my opinion a bit but hands down he’s my most used unit, and that’s with me having all units except Klee. I just don’t die with his constellation heal and burst shield, pillar is always nice during exploration, the mans is a Mining Machine, and the petrification for controlling adds is just 👌👌 I’ve also always been fond of the “summoner” playstyle in most games AND I love filling the bruiser / tank role so Zhongli being both of them was absolutely perfect. That said, the Zhongli buffs are absolutely welcome for those without his constellations, only the best stats and kit for the CEO of GEO.
Albedo - Geo supremacy gang rise up.. I love Albedo for being a super solid off-field, selfless support — I don’t have any decent artifacts on him but he still consistently adds on so much off field damage to my Phys DPS Zhongli with his super low cooldown E. It also charges up my Zhongli burst like no tomorrow, 10/10 best battery. The yellow blossoms are also just so so pretty and the tactile / visual / audio feedback on them is 👌
| Visual Design
Zhongli - The man could step on me and I would thank him. He can kick me like his spear. I bleached my hair ombré so I could begin to touch a hint of his divinity. I literally stand there in-game and just zoom in on him sometimes. Ever since I got the Kamera my hard drive has been screaming for the sweet release of death from the thousands of Zhongli pictures I’ve snapped. I'm learning Liyue music on a piano I haven’t touched in four years, so I can imagine playing his city’s music for him. My right hand is muscle memoried to repeatedly run his attack sequence and stop at the spear kick animation so I can imagine myself being the spear. Yeah I think he’s kinda cute! 👀 👉🏻👈
Xinyan - Trying to stray away from 5* characters here. Love her outfit, love her hair, love her facial design in general. Her ult animation was the highlight of the 1.1 trailer for me (besides Mr. Zhongli of course) She got swept under the rug because of the Zhongli debacle and it’s super sad because she’s a very solidly designed unit with beautiful animations. I also love that her instrument is a traditional lyre that she canonically designed to look like a rock guitar.
| Personality
Zhongli - We’ll be here all day if I really really start poppin’ about Zhongli’s personality so I’ll try and keep it short. Zhongli’s personality is an ENIGMA to me that I have and will continue to spend countless hours studying. I’ve been thinking of releasing my findings in a character analysis, tbh, because like. There’s so much. On the surface he’s a well-meaning, kind, gentle if not a little out-of-touch individual with a flair for the traditional / fancy.
But??? He won the Archon war? We know from Roald’s Adventurer Diaries, where he slips into Osial’s memories, that Zhongli was absolutely BRUTAL during the war. What changed him? (Guizhong) How long did he take to change? What has he learned during the last 6,000 years of life -- certainly how to manipulate mortals like puppets, as we see from his Archon quest, which no one seems to address?? Is there some part of Archon-War-Victor Morax still in there, waiting for the right spark to ignite his fuse? Yo??? I’m.... just have a lot of feelings about Zhongli’s character.
Beidou - Pirate.. lady... hnnghh,,, step me,, ; ; Beidou is a character we haven’t seen quite yet but just her voicelines and story intrigue me so much. She killed Haishan without a Vision, stopped singing completely after said kill, is doing some kind of dirty work for the most powerful people in Liyue whilst boldly proclaiming that she is their equal,,, has a huge family and a heart of gold, seems to be against the social hierarchy of Liyue yet tolerates working with the Qixing? There’s so much going on and I for one am eagerly awaiting 2.0 not for Inazuma, but for seeing her in the story
Thank you for the ask!!! It felt great to just let loose and examine my relationship w/ each of the characters in the game. :)
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oh how about Diluc and Zhongli for character analysis?
sure thing! i’ll answer this one and get back to working on other requests orz
diluc:
despite being known as a broody wine master and one of the few prominent characters that holds a negative opinions of the knights, he’s actually more sociable than the mondstadt storyline might imply.
diluc has multiple voicelines (if you get him through wishes) where he shows concern for traveler/mc, some being “all that matters is that you were safe last night,” “i’ll make sure you leave safely,” and “how about you take a rest while i go back [to the guild]?”
so, yeah. he’s not as distant or aloof as his initial appearance played him off to be imo. while he’s still on the professional side, he does readily show concern for traveler/mc, and presumably other people who work alongside him.
he knows he’s hot stuff – he evens says as much when clearing out hordes of hilichurls/abyss mages in the mondstadt storyline (”ah, there are you are. dealing with you will be the easy part.”) doesn’t openly flaunt his strength to other people, but, needless to say, is comfortable on the battlefield.
also, remember when traveler and venti try to steal the lyre? he says “for the record, i like your guts for trying to steal the holy lyre der himmel. even if you are fools . . . but we don’t often get to see people like you.”
aka he’s also a smart ass.
he knew that venti and traveler had something to do with the lyre, and dismissed the knights that came in either because a) he didn’t think they would handle the situation appropriately or b) wanted answers first.
while we (the player) knew that traveler and venti didn’t actually steal the lyre, diluc doesn’t seem threatened by either of them. he doesn’t rush to apprehend them, and from the quotes above, actually thinks the situation is entertaining.
the line “i like your guts for trying to steal the holy lyre” also reminds me of one of his quotes when he talks about jean (”her unparalleled sense of responsibility is the sole reason why she still hasn't found her true calling”).
while it’s not a call-back or anything obvious, diluc implies that rules/authority/strict codes have the potential to hold others back; therefore, i think he really meant it when he commended the traveler’s grit for trying to steal the lyre, because from the tone of how he talks about jean, he’s had his fair share of unorthodox behavior that’s gotten him to somewhere he actually wants to be.
overall a capable man and one who values effectiveness of method. while not one to uphold formalities (in a few of his voice lines, he says he’s “not interested in idle chit chat), he respects partnership and lets his dryness slip often. i can go further into his voicelines in a separate post if you want anon.
zhongli:
this is going to be a bit different than diluc’s analysis since, at the time i’m writing this, zhongli doesn’t have profile voicelines yet.
however i will be using voicelines from the liyue storyline plus the 1.1 update “a new star approaches,” so spoiler warning for 1.1 if you haven’t done the quests yet!
okay so
zhongli knows liyuen culture like the back of his hand because, well, he’s the god who created liyue to begin with.
when the traveler confronts zhongli, childe, and signora in the northland bank, zhongli explains his ploy calmly, which seems strange, since he had essentially traded his symbol of godhood for a ““vacation”” (i use this term sarcastically and will explain more below).
when the traveler first comes into a liyue, many of the citizens make a point to say that, in contrast to mondstadt, their nation isn’t “godless” and show disdain towards mondstadt’s ways.
they believe in rex lapis. yet it’s made clear throughout the storyline that, in actuality, there are large branches of people (see the liyue qixing) want to advance liyue further, often without the aid/overseeing of their deities. quote zhongli at the northland bank: liyue is about to begin its “next age.”
meaning that, even though he said he was tired, that he had been guarding and overseeing the nation for thousands of years, he was able to tell that liyue was moving past its need for him, essentially that he wasn’t needed in the same way as he was in the past.
while many players kinda sorta really did not like zhongli after he admitted to staging the fight against osial (the sea monster), ultimately endangering liyue, he not only did it as a “test” to see if the liyuen people really were as advanced as he believed them to be, but also so that the adepti could become closer to liyue’s citizens.
not saying that it wasn’t somewhat messed up, but his motivation behind such a scene was to make sure that, if he resigned as a god, then humans could take care of themselves from now on and he wouldn’t be putting them in more danger if he left.
the adept, although hesitant and somewhat troubled by being more involved with humans, show a change of heart following the conclusion of the fight against osial. so zhongli’s scheme makes the adepti see that humans are more capable than they give them credit for, revives their respect for one another, and leaves knowing that liyue is in capable hands.
as for trading the gnosis: it’s stated multiple times that zhongli doesn’t make unfair contracts. obviously, part of the benefit on his end is allowing liyue to grow into a new age, but that can’t be the only motivator for him to give it away.
tsaritsa wants to “burn away the old world,” and the story hasn’t been clear as to why yet. but in making the contract, zhongli should be aware of at least part of her ultimate intentions. my theory is that, in the end, the gnoses will actually prove useless to the tsaritsa’s plan (as in, they actually don’t help her achieve her goal despite their symbolism), or we’re going to receive the power equivalent to a gnosis in the future.
tldr: zhongli’s plan is layered. while we don’t have much more information at the moment, as can consider his character to be very thorough, resourceful, and self-aware.
again, i can write out more once he’s released. these are just my thoughts, so take and pick what you want. ^^
#genshin impact#zhongli headcanons#diluc headcanons#character analysis#i ended up writing more for zhongli than diluc orz#in my defense#the liyue story is longer than the mondstadt story#anon.ask#al.ans#diluc.type#zhongli.type
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“bloodlust” (childehood: tartaglia’s origins—a oneshot about childe’s past)
[SLIGHT SPOILERS FROM 1.1 STORY QUESTS]
so. those story quests completely revamped my psychology of childe.
before i can return to writing chilumi, i gotta process that. welcome to my mind trying to process what made him so. . .bloodthirsty. . .
here’s my take on why hes like. . .that.
[Fic Masterlist]
TW: violence. blood. death. it’s some dark shit y’all.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
A snowflake landed on a little boy’s eyelid, and he jolted awake, muscles tensed to strike. His ice blue eyes darted around the alleyway. Another flurry landed on his cheek.
“Just the snow,” he muttered. Beside him, his siblings snored on. Anthon, Tonia, Teucer. He counted the brownish-ginger heads quietly. Good, they’re all still here and accounted for.
His name was Tartaglia, oldest of the four children—and as the oldest, he was their caretaker, their guardian.
It had been months since their parents were taken from them. A once wealthy and whole family, fractured by a robbery gone wrong.
Greed. He thought angrily, gripping a single Mora, its edges digging into his skin. The greed of man took his parents from him.
Tartaglia vividly remembered the violent clashing of weapons, running down the stairs of his bedroom, seeing his mother and father trying to fight off groups of masked men. They screamed, desperately, for him to run—run as far as he could—and to take his little brothers and sister with him.
As they were yelling at him, one of the masked men swung his axe. They saw it too late.
It slashed through both his parents, and with wide eyes, Tartaglia watched as the blood spewed from their guts. He thought he felt some droplets hit his face, like the mist from the spray of a crimson ocean.
His parents crumpled, lying lifelessly on the floor, their insides spilling out in a pool around them.
Red. That’s all he could see.
Red. And he knew his parents were gone, forever.
Red. He couldn’t save them.
The men turned towards him. And he ran, faster than he had in his entire little life. He gathered his siblings—Anthon groggily rubbing his eyes, Tonia shivering, and baby Teucer crying—and dragged them through the cold, cold snow, away from their warm home. They trudged through the thick blanket of snow; Tonia was certain their feet were going to fall off.
But they never looked back—Tartaglia didn’t let them.
He told them their parents went away in the night. Travelling abroad, he said; it was so sudden, an emergency, they couldn’t take any of them. Anthon was angry, Tonia started crying—fat sobs with rivers of tears—and Teucer just kept wailing and wailing.
That night was the first night Tartaglia stole. He broke into a clothing shop, grabbing all he could to protect him and his siblings against the harsh Snezhnayan winter.
He learned to steal, to fight, to survive for him and his siblings. But he would never let them see. He would tell them to wait for him in an alleyway, in the woods, somewhere far where they wouldn’t see him doing what he needed to do. He would do the crime, wipe away the sin, and return to his family, an aloof smile plastered on his face.
After witnessing what happened to their parents, he vowed to never let them see bloodshed. No, they wouldn’t see the violent language between adults in this cruel, unforgiving world. They would believe in fairytales, gods, and the good of people.
Only he, Tartaglia, would have the burden of blood on his hands.
………………….
Late one night, Tartaglia slinked around the alleyways, searching for another store to break into. He realized that they couldn’t live on the streets forever, and to get a home, one needed Mora. No longer was he stealing just food and clothing; he stole any Mora he could come across.
Mora...tiny golden circles that make the world go ‘round. The aftertaste of greed was bitter. But he needed the money. For Anthon. Tonia. Teucer.
He repeated their names, over and over, as he broke off the latch of a store. As he stepped into the place, his nose filled with the scent of raw meat. A butcher’s…
He headed towards the back, where most shopkeepers kept their Mora. After searching through several boxes, he came across a metal container. Jackpot.
He picked it up, tossing it in his bag, hearing the clinks of coins within. He walked past the rows of boar carcasses strung up, actively trying to ignore the steady drips of blood cascading off them. The tinge of iron in the air put him on edge, his nerves jittery.
Before he left, he paused, staring at the butcher’s knife hanging on the wall. He stood on his tip toes, grabbing it off its rack, and weighing it in his hands. Just in case… He took one more look around the shop, then headed out.
“So this is the little thief running around Snezhnaya.”
Tartaglia froze, and turned to face the gruff voice. Standing there were three men, all holding various weapons.
“It’s just a kid,” one of them said, lowering his club.
The one in front glared at him. “Doesn’t matter,” he sneered, brandishing his dagger. “It’s well-known that someone has been stealing from all the stores around here. And we gotta teach ‘em a lesson.”
The third one, a large brute with an axe, nodded silently.
Tartaglia quickly assessed around him. He was against a wall, and the three men were blocking the only exit out of the alleyway. The walls were too steep and unclimbable. Do I just try to dash through them? No, if he tried, they would easily grab him.
He gripped the butcher’s knife, raising it. Only one option left.
The leader laughed maniacally. “What? You’re gonna try to fight us with that?” He mockingly held his hands up. “Tell you what, kid, you give us back all you’ve stolen, and we’ll let you off with only one finger missing—deal?”
“C’mon, man. He’s a kid. Probably doesn’t know better,” the club man interjected again.
“So what? We normally dispose of thieves; I’d say the kid is getting it way too easy.”
“Let’s just kill him,” the axe man spoke finally, his voice stoic. “He probably doesn’t have any family looking after him anyways.”
Anthon. Tonia. Teucer.
I will protect them no matter what.
“Then come at me,” Tartaglia growled, his childlike voice sounding impossibly dark.
The leader smirked. “Okay.”
He lept towards Tartaglia, dagger forward, ready to slash his face. The boy raised his own knife up, catching the edge of the incoming dagger, sending it sliding away from his face. The man’s body followed through with the dagger’s swing, throwing him off balance for a second. And a second was all Tartaglia needed.
He brought the knife up, and swung down with all his might on the man’s shoulder.
The sharpened butcher’s knife carved through the man’s jacket, slicing deeply into the tendon between his shoulder and neck. The man grotesquely cried out in pain, falling to the ground, gripping his arm.
Tartaglia watched the blood spew from the chasm in the man’s shoulder. It ran down to the snow covered ground, staining the clean white snow with red, flowing like water. Weak.
His nerves now seemed to calm at the sight of his defeated opponent in front of him. How odd.
“Shit!” the club man yelled. He raised his weapon. “What the hell is wrong with you, kid?”
Tartaglia tossed the clunky butcher’s knife aside, picking up the dagger from the floor as its original owner began passing out in a puddle of his own blood. It felt a lot better in his hands than the knife.
“Just kill him.” Axe man started charging towards Tartaglia, his axe held in front of him, attempting to ram the boy into the wall.
Too slow. Tartaglia’s small, lithe form easily jumped over the axe. He ran up the handle, ready to stab the man in his face.
Axe man was faster than expected. He grabbed the child’s neck, holding him at a distance.
Tartaglia gasped for air, the man’s brute force slowly crushing his windpipe.
“You’re fast, but you’re not strong enough,” he said.
Not...strong...enough… The boy desperately tried slashing at the man’s arms and hands, but the dagger’s wounds were mere scrapes to him.
As the air trickled from his lungs, the edges of his vision filled with red.
Red. That’s all he could see.
Red. He was about to be gone, forever.
Red. He had to save his siblings.
With one last gasp of air, he threw all his strength into a final stab at the axe man’s arms.
The dagger sank into flesh, and light erupted around Tartaglia. Miraculously, he was released from the death grip, and fell to the floor, coughing desperately.
When his sight returned, there was something blue glowing in the snow. He crawled towards it, scooping it up in his hands.
A relic with a iridescent blue gemstone in the middle. The symbol of the Hydro element engraved on the surface. It was a vision.
He had only heard of these through fairytales and talk in the streets. Power granted to mortals from a god. And now? It was granted to him.
He felt renewed energy surge through his body. He looked up at the night sky. Thank you.
“Die!” Both the remaining men were charging towards him. He pocketed the vision.
Feeling a weight in his hands, he held them out. Before his eyes, water shifted, forming a spear in front of him.
He readied his weapon, and as the men descended on him, he heard the WHOOSH of rushing water. He slashed one-Two-THREE times.
The men dropped to the floor with a thud.
Tartaglia’s weapon vanished. And the energy from his body expelled. He dropped to his knees, exhausted, then passed out in the snow.
When he awoke, he was still surrounded by the bodies.
He knew he had been gone for a long time, longer than usual; his siblings were probably worried about where he was. He quickly left the scene, running back to the woods where he, Anthon, Tonia, and Teucer were staying currently.
And as always, he washed away the blood, and replaced it with a smile.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Years later, he was still fighting, becoming stronger and stronger—becoming an infamously feared figure in Snezhnaya.
He remembered the day the Tsaritsa approached him.
Hearing his name being whispered around the land, she knew she had to seek him out. She wanted him to join her elite force: the Fatui Harbingers.
She promised him all the riches he could imagine, enough riches for him and his siblings ten times over. That was enough to make him agree.
For Anthon. Tonia. Teucer.
Secretly, he was excited as well. Something within him relished at the fact he was now a part of his country’s most powerful soldiers.
Because he remembered that day, the first day he took the lives of men—took their lives just like how his parents’ lives were taken from him. Except no longer would he be unable to move as blood was spilt.
He remembered looking at the men’s dead bodies. All cut open. All flowing with that red, red blood.
Because of him.
Because he was strong enough.
He smiled.
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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.23}
*Severus Snape x OC*
Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.
General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing
Words: 3.7k
Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!
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This one hour turned out to be way longer than the previous ones together. Admittedly, Robin did enjoy the youthful silliness of her friends, but for the most part she could only listen and offer her ever-too-grown-up take on matters on the few occasions when she was asked for her opinion. It was fun though, a bit like spending time with younger siblings. Not that Robin knew much about that, and when she dared to voice the thought, Simon and Michael –who had grown up with two and three little siblings respectively– only laughed in her face. Oh well, just fun it was then, but perhaps not like siblings after all. Just a group of unlikely friends.
At the end of the given hour, Robin wished her little group a good rest of the night and told them to meet her in the entrance hall half an hour past midnight. Before either of the confused people could ask about her enigmatic and sudden statement, Snape came to her rescue just as planned. He didn't say a word when he held his hand out to her, and she didn't say a word in return when she took it and let him pull her up to her feet. It was all in the eyes, in the words that didn't need to be spoken to be understood. The last Robin heard of her friends while Snape led her off towards the dancefloor was Cas saying something along the lines of 'and that's how you ask a girl to dance!' to the rest of the group. She couldn't help but silently smirk to herself in agreement.
The dance that followed was as much a delight as the previous one had been, as every single one of their dances had been, and once it ended all too soon as ever, neither of them could bear to stop just yet. So they did what most couples did, they stayed, and they danced to the next three pieces of song the musicians gifted them with as well. It left Robin quite breathless, but smiling more widely than she probably ever had in public. Who cares… she was just 'that insane girl', after all. This was the last ball she would be here for, and perhaps also the last time she got to dance with Snape. Even though she very much hoped that the latter wasn't truly the case.
When they finally decided that it had been quite enough exercise for the moment, a decision majorly influenced by the change in musical tone from sophisticated to what Robin graciously called 'jolly', they made their way off the dancefloor with slightly heaving chests and in purest contentment. That was, until no other than Damion Morgan stepped into their way, as if he had sensed that Robin's night was going too well. And he obviously had every intention to change that now. Not only did his eyes rake up and down Robin's form with an almost hungry look, but with an equal amount of scarily sweet smiles plastered onto his lips as well.
"Go on now, don't be shy, darling. Just ask me out." He finally spoke up with one of his flashiest grins, and his eyes locked with Robin's as he got way too close to her for anyone's comfort.
"Alright. Would you be so kind to get out of my sight?" Robin returned an exaggeratedly sweet smile that was dripping with sarcasm, and she was only glad that, hidden away under the billowing sleeves or her dress, Snape was still holding onto her hand.
"Ah, always sporting such a sharp tongue and an even sharper mind... that's how you seduce me, dear." Morgan chuckled, a brightly ringing sound that gave Robin chills of the uncomfortable kind. How could the man be so ridiculously positive, clear as crystal and bright as the sun, while yet he was the scariest person she had ever known to exist?
"Your advances are shameful at best, Damion, if not outright pathetic." Snape replied in a condescending and cold drawl, and his words were more in line with Robin's thoughts than anything she could have worded herself.
Morgan's head snapped around, and he glared at Snape with sharp shards of ice in his eyes. "Oh, and you think you are doing so much better than that? Is that why she hasn't even noticed how badly you are pining for her?"
Now Snape's eyes narrowed at the man in front of them in an unspoken threat as well. "You haven't the slightest idea what you are speaking of."
"Actually I know very well what I'm speaking of, Severus." Morgan quipped in radiant imagined superiority. "As it is, I also happen to know that you are absolutely right in your assessment of the circumstances; you really are entirely out of your league."
Robin didn't waste time thinking about the lunatic's words of hostility and instead caught his attention by speaking up calmly and with the subtlest touch of mocking sweetness. "If we are so far below you, then perhaps we shouldn't bother you any longer with our lowliness. It must be quite painful for you to dwell in such poor company, and we wouldn't want to hurt you now, would we?"
With that, Robin simply turned to leave without waiting for an answer, and she didn't even have to pull Snape along with her, for he mirrored her movement precisely in an instant. They got exactly two steps further down the hall before Morgan caught Robin by her free arm once again. His grip, as ever, more demand than inquiry.
"Dance with me." He said, without smiles, without brightness, and certainly without room for refusal.
"No." Was what Robin replied nonetheless, and this finally brought a new smile to Morgan's lips, a different one. A smile that made Robin's blood freeze over.
"That wasn't a question, darling. Dance with me, or I will see to it that you won't live to deny me again."
Robin's guarded expression kept her jaw from dropping and her eyes from growing wide, but the sheer panic that spread inside her mind and body still must've found a way to the surface. Her eyes moved from Morgan to Snape, in a silent plea for him to do something, anything, but going by his own expression, it was either killing Morgan right on the spot or letting things unfold. Robin couldn't blame him for having a similar reaction as she had herself, there was little else to do about such a display of dramaticism and insanity.
Gulping down the lump in her throat, Robin let go of Snape's hand and took the one Morgan was offering instead, even though every single cell in her body screamed in protest. As ridiculous as the threat was, she didn't doubt Morgan anymore. The lengths to which he would go to see her suffer still lay in darkness ahead of her, and she was more than reasonably reluctant to shed any light onto them now. So she let the man lead her back to the dancefloor, much like last year, while she was still aware of and very much thankful for Snape's eyes lingering on her. He wouldn't let Morgan harm her if he could prevent it, she knew that. And Snape's serious concern worried her quite a bit more than the actual prospect of getting injured. But no time to think about it now. The music started, and Morgan swirled her through the room alongside the oblivious students, professors and guests.
"You are hurting me." She finally spoke up in a quiet hiss, when his fingers dug uncomfortably into the skin of her back even through the layers of thick black fabric.
"Did it ever occur to you that you are hurting me, too?" He sighed in return, as if speaking to a child reluctant to understand. "With all those edges and corners of your wild personality… You make it ridiculously hard for me to put my mark on you. Perhaps, a little pain shall be the way to tame you after all."
A mere second later, when he moved his hand across her back oh so subtly, a sharp pain, a stinging and burning followed in the wake of his fingers at once, and Robin gasped before biting her lip to refrain from crying out. How the actual hell had he done that?! The pain dimmed down quickly enough, and nobody was paying them much attention, so it can't have been anything too serious, right? Right?! Robin released a shivering breath, then glared up at her dance partner in utmost hostility.
"If you think you can break me like some fragile plaything, you are utterly mistaken." She hissed, but it only served to make the man above her smirk. Robin wanted to slap that expression off his face, but all she could do was glare at him even more threateningly. "I can see way beneath those smiles and charming words. When I look at you, I see nothing but a monster."
"When I look at you, I see a beautiful masquerade covering the hollow darkness of inevitable death. Because that's ultimately what you are, and what you are ever going to be. A broken creature of ash and dust, and a mirror of shattered vanity." His reply came quickly and in a striking factuality, a seriousness that was unlikely for him. It left Robin short of an adequate answer for a moment, while his words cut a little deeper than she would've liked. And yet, when he spoke on, his tone was filled with bitter amusement. "It's rather ironic, isn't it? To see you clinging so desperately onto the one man who is the very essence of brokenness. Tell me, are you trying to heal him or do you merely reap what is left in the ashes? I cannot tell from what I see. But I shouldn't be the one to judge... I too desire you despite your darkness."
"You are wrong. Again, as always." She huffed in spite. "I don't like him despite the way he is, but for that very reason. He might have been broken once, but he put his pieces back together in his own way, and that makes him more appealing than anyone who has never known the courage it takes to go on after you shatter. Or the strength it takes to be better than before."
"You really are quite pathetically in love, aren't you?" Morgan sighed, sounding condescending and indifferent in a way that made Robin wish she hadn't said anything at all. But this damned man just had a way of getting to her and making her speak against her better judgement. "Ironic that it had to be Severus you are so willing to suffer for. Say, would you die for him, little songbird? I bet you would, wouldn't you? As I said; Ironic."
"If I'm pathetic for loving, you are just loving to be pathetic. Ironic indeed." She scoffed, and he squeezed the hurting spot on her back in return, making her yelp under her breath. The sound made him smirk. Bloody bastard…
When the music came to an end and the people to a halt, Robin feared that Morgan would keep her right where she was for another dance. It was a bit after eleven at this point, and even if there was still some time until midnight, she was both exhausted and desperate to get away from the man who was keeping a strong hold of her even now that the dance had ended. But to her surprise, he started leading her off the dancefloor before she even had to voice a protest or question.
"I better return you to poor Severus before he gives in to the urge to murder me, huh? Merlin's beard, that man loves you more than is good for him." Morgan chuckled quietly, but Robin honestly didn't care for his words now as long as he left her alone as soon as possible. It didn't even matter that he had fallen victim to the same delusions as everyone else. So when Morgan finally released Robin from his grasp and even had the audacity to give her a little push towards Snape, there was no time for her wounded pride when she was just lucky to be escaping his presence in the first place. Only once Robin was safely tucked into Snape's side two seconds later, she finally felt like she could breathe again.
"Thank you for the dance, my dear. Your divine company is always my highest pleasure." Morgan gave Robin another of his signature smiles. "I'm looking forward to all that is yet to come." His words couldn't have been more enigmatic and unsettling, but at least he bowed slightly and then disappeared into the crowd. Just like last year.
Robin let out a long breath to regain her composure, then looked up at Snape right at her side. He was undoubtedly angry and concerned in equal measure, as always when it came to her interactions with Morgan, and thus she offered him a small smile of reassurance.
"I'm alright, don't worry. The idiot hurt my back, but it's less painful than any of the times he slammed me into a wall in class, so it's nothing new really. It's okay."
"I let him hurt you, it is not okay."
"Do we need to be having this conversation again?" Robin gave him a look that was both pleading and defeated. "There is nothing you could've done and we both know that. All we can do is to start looking more thoroughly into what his problem with me is after the break is over."
"You are most likely right about that. Obviously." Snape sighed, then placed a gentle hand on the small of her back with a questioning gaze down at her. "May I?"
"Certainly." The smile that came to her lips now was genuine, affectionate almost, and she didn't bother hiding it from him. They both could use some calm and comfort now. "Perhaps… we could get away from the crowds for a bit?"
"Certainly." He mirrored with a not-smirk, and Robin shook her head with a chuckle. He really had a way of cheering her up even in the worst of situations, and that was something nobody else had ever been able to do.
Without waiting for a better opportunity that wouldn't come anyway, they soon made their way through the hall while pushing through various groups of people who weren't accustomed to the unspoken rule that it was better to stay out of their way. Robin had never taken much notice of it before just now, actually, but she usually never had to squeeze through somewhere. People usually stepped out of her way quite willingly and let her pass without effort. The same way they did with Snape. In a way, now that people did stay standing in her path, she found herself equally amused and irritated by that fact. Perhaps being the insane girl everyone feared based on a reputation alone really wasn't all that bad after all.
They reached the entrance hall soon enough, and in an unspoken question and likewise answer, they decided against winter robes and for a heating charm instead. It wouldn't be toasty, that was for sure, but it could keep the cold away at least, even if that left the wind to live with. Now that the snow had been replaced by rain for the majority of the previous week, it wasn't as harsh outside as it had been half a month ago, and this they could very well feel when they stepped outside into the nightly courtyard side by side. With the charm wrapping around them, the temperature was almost truly comfortable here, but then again, there was no wind inside these walls, so that wasn't too much of a surprise.
It again went wordlessly that they sauntered through the arcades and to the other end of the open space, out into the night and away from the busyness of the castle at long last. Away from the people, away from Morgan. His words still sounded as a dull echo in Robin's mind, now that everything else was silent. Not all of his nonsense had lingered of course, just… that one thing he had said wouldn't stop nagging at her. What he saw when he looked at her. The hollow darkness of inevitable death. It probably was just his overly dramatic way of being hostile and threatening, but then again, perhaps what he saw was the same thing that made everyone else scared of her as well. And as all things inevitable, it drew closer and closer to the surface, where everyone could see. Maybe that's why her reputation had grown exponentially more sinister over the years… Maybe that's why Morgan's words threatened to suffocate her now. Because she really was just a hollow darkness to the people around her.
"Talk to me, Robin…" Snape's voice drew her out of her mind as it did so often these days. They were sauntering down the hill now, almost having reached the shore of the lake… and she hadn't even noticed. "You are getting lost again, and by the look on your face I can tell that it isn't a nice place you are vanishing into. Will you just tell me what is bothering you for once, or do I have to ask on?"
"It's… just something Morgan said." She sighed deeply, and tried for a half smile when she looked up at Snape. "I really should know better by now than to let him get to me like that every single time, huh?"
"He has a way of getting under people's skin regardless of how hard they try to resist. It happens to the best."
"To you?"
"Obviously."
Robin let out a small amused huff in reply, but then stopped in her saunter and turned to face Snape when he did the same. "Can I ask you something odd?"
"Don't you always?" The returned question was more encouragement than tease for once, and Robin honestly felt glad for that.
She knew she had to ask, but in the end she would also need the courage to bear the answer as well. Taking a deep breath, she kept her eyes fixed on his and finally brought up the courage to speak the words that had been threatening to break past her lips anyway. "When you look at me... what do you see?"
"Everything." His reply came in such a calm sincerity, such genuine and complete certainty that Robin forgot how to breathe for a moment. She even forgot why she had asked in the first place, with an answer that told her so much more than the question demanded. A shiver of sheer and utter delight ran over her skin; she couldn't remember how to speak with words. So all the questions and answers of the world lay in her gaze alone. She wanted to be everything to him more than she had ever wanted anything else.
"Why do you ask?" Snape finally inquired, just as calmly as before, and the fact that his previous answer obviously was just another given to him almost made Robin laugh despite the newly arising hope. Perhaps she wasn't a token of death to everyone… to the one person that mattered she obviously was quite a bit more than that. And wasn't that by far enough?
"Morgan said that all he sees in me is a beautiful masquerade that covers the hollow darkness of inevitable death." She finally sighed with a shrug, then sauntered on towards the shore with Snape following right by her side. "But then again he also said that the sharp edges of my personality make it difficult for him to put his mark on me, so I guess I shouldn't try to find truth where there is only insanity."
"A wise decision I wholeheartedly support." He replied, just when they left the muddy path behind and crossed over onto the pebbled edge of the lake that lay in front of them as a black mirror now, reflecting only the blanket of stars above their heads. A beautiful sight that made Robin sigh as much as Snape's question that came a mere second later. "Was there anything else he said that might be disconcerting?"
"Just the usual things he keeps saying to me from time to time… How much he hates that I 'desperately cling onto you', for example. Or that you love me too much." She said before her brain had the time to fully process how stupid of a move that was. Maybe it was the hope gaining the upper hand again… but the idea that perhaps she could be everything to him indeed was burning her up from the inside now. Her hope had turned into a wildfire.
"Dumbledore really should have Morgan gagged, if he already refuses to dispose of him entirely." Snape grumbled under his breath, and Robin's heart fell a little. That wasn't the reaction she hadn't technically allowed herself to hope for but had hoped for nonetheless. Of course it would upset him to hear these accusations… what had she been expecting? Ridiculous.
"Oh, you'd have to gag quite a few more people than him if it's just about these remarks." She finally replied with a sad chuckle, then with a silent sigh. "Too many people have been insinuating things like that recently. You know… about you and me. Us."
"Ah." His voice dropped down an octave, and the deep frown on his falling features was suddenly accompanied by a tinge of rising bitterness in his tone, a shadow of sincere sadness in his eyes. Then it was all apathy again before the fleeting emotions could be grasped. "I can see why that thought would be repelling to you."
And for once, encouraged by the shadowy ghosts of expressions she had seen on his face, Robin let her heart speak instead of her mind. "Actually, it just makes me wish quite desperately that it was true."
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#snape#severus snape#severus snape x oc#snape x oc#severus snape imagine#snape imagine#snape x ofc#severus snape x ofc#snape fanfic#severus snape fanfic#severus snape fanfiction#snape fanfiction#severus snape fic#snape fic#professor snape#young snape#pro snape#snapedom#snape community#snape fandom#severus x oc#voluptas noctis aeternae#harry potter#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter fic#harry potter imagine#harry potter fanfic#professor x student#hogwarts#slytherin
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The Bae’st of All
Avatar Challenge 4
Fandom: Ikemen Sengoku
Character: Kyubae the bae’st bae of all aka Kyubei
Prompt: Seeing how Kyubei is named after an alias that the real Mitsuhide Akechi used (Juubei) the chances of fans getting a Kyubei route from Cybird are slim. However, it is simply impossible not to fall for this man. He is too good. So here have my attempt at writing a route.
A/N: This one was in my drafts for such a long time. I’m beyond giddy to finally share it.
Chapters:
1.1| 1.2 | 2.1 | 2.2 | 3.1 | 3.2 | 4.1 | 4.2 | 5.1 | 5.2 | 6.1 | 6.2 | 7.1 | 7.2 | 8.1 | 8.2 | 9.1 |9.2 | 10.1
Avatar Challenge 1 | 3.1 Gacha POV | 1st Letter | 5.2 Gacha | Avatar Challenge 2 | 2nd Letter | Avatar Challenge 3 | 3rd Letter | Avatar Challenge 4
“There is nothing to cover up with.”
Kyubei sounds nervous as he spoke up, his shivering growing worse by what I could only assume to be because of the fever.
“I have a body.”
I say this so matter-of-factly I nearly surprise myself as much as I surprise Kyubei who nervously shifts under my touch. His eyes turn away from me, his skin flushing hotter than before.
“It is indecent.”
His voice is flat as he means to chase me away. I knew he didn’t mean them. That he is trying to protect me again. My fingers run underneath his eyes where I find dark circles, then down his face where his cheeks are flushed still, but where his nose is cold.
“It is my choice. Just like it was yours to come for me.”
Kyubei twitches at that, eyes still averted as his arms wrap tighter around him. I notice old wounds across his shoulder and arms, accompanied with scars and bandages. All prove the lengths he goes to serve, to reach his goals.
“I’m a simple vassal, don’t worry about me.”
I frown at those words, his hands landing on top of my hands that are still trying to help him out of the layers. Dark blue eyes eye me sadly, but there is something else shimmering below as he heaves a sigh.
“I don’t trust myself with you, my lady.”
That is all he says before I release my hands from his, hands cupping his face as I pull him closer. Scared dark blue eyes meet mine. Scared, to lose me, afraid to take. Terrified to find out that Kichou’s words are true, that he doesn’t matter to the flow of history.
“I trust you, I trust you more than anyone in this world. Anyone in my life, more so than I even trust myself.”
Kyubei shakes his head as he cups my hands, trying to gently pry them off, but I keep firm, forcing him to face me, not allowing him to push me away anymore.
“In the future you may have fallen into obscurity, but you have undeniably made your place in my heart.”
I speak so firmly that for a moment he stills, eyes seeking out mine in confusion as he tries to make sense of my words. A frown first, then some understanding, then questions rising.
“I was born five centuries into the future, but I have found my home here with you.”
My confession confuses him more and I see that more questions are swirling up, that Kyubei has trouble deciding what to focus on first before stilling himself as he holds my wrist and peels my hold away from him.
“My lady, please, you shouldn’t disgrace yourself.”
Heaving in a deep breath I let my arms fall to my side in defeat, wondering how much more rejection one heart can take before it could finally give up beating.
“I’m not a lady, I’m not a lord’s daughter. I just happened to have saved the life of a lord. I just want to help the one I love.”
Kyubei’s breath stills at that as I start to retreat. A warm touch against my damp sleeves pulls me back, however. My hope swells up as I stare into ocean deep eyes, still afraid, still uncertain, but now they dared to question, to hope that matched mine.
“I don’t want to be your mistake.”
His fear finally exposed, his voice trembles as he speaks those words and all I can do is push closer, my body greedily taking in his warmth.
(How could you be my mistake when you are the only right choice?)
I don’t recall who kissed who first this time, but as our breath mingled and the night proceeded we didn’t need the fire to keep us warm.
#ikesen kyubei#ikemen sengoku kyubei#kyubei x reader#ikesen#ikemen sengoku#ikesen x reader#ikemen sengoku x reader
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Throwback Thursday - Trio of Towns
So Trio of Towns is another one of the newer games that doesn't quite fit my (arbitrary) definition of a throwback being 5+ years old, having only been released in NA in February 2017, but we as a fandom have been writing fic for it almost since day 1.
So let's take a moment to look at some of the first fics written for Trio of Towns!
If you wrote a Trio of Towns fic back in ye olden days of 2017-2018 share it with us! We always love featuring fanfic submissions!
50 Daily Kisses - by azaiiiin; WIP, 5/50, 2k, Published March 2017
Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M
Fandoms: Trio of Towns
Relationship: Wayne/Holly; Characters: Holly/Player, Wayne
Additional Tags: 50 day prompts, just a lot of fluff, maybe a sprinkle of angst, But mostly fluff, Drabbles
Summary: Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.
Trial of the Trio - by Varydox; WIP, 42/?, 63k; Published March 2017
Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M
Fandoms: Trio of Towns
Relationships: Ford/MC, Wayne/Lisette, Frank/Miranda; Characters: Frank, Megan, Ford, Brad, Carrie, Lisette, Miranda, Noel, Hector, Colin, Wayne, Marco, Daryl, Marlena, Lynn, Dessie, Tototara, Ludus, Siluka, Iluka, Zahau, Caolila, Schaulk, Alma, Ginjiro, Komari, Kasumi, Hinata, Sumomo, Moriya, Omiyo, Umekichi, Yuzuki, Ittetsu, Shizu, Yaichi. Tatsumi, Witchie, Inari
Summary: Bri (MC) remembered when her mother brought her to a farm as a child, and through the years, had dreamt of one day having a farm of her own. But when her father announces they will be moving once more for his career, Bri puts her foot down. After telling her father this dream, a fight breaks out, but eventually he allows her the chance to prove herself. His brother, Frank, is a successful farmer in Westown, a quiet desert town, and suggests Bri learn from Frank, declaring he'll know if she has what it takes.
Stars in Her Eyes - by Nenalata; Complete, 1/1, 1.7k; Published March 2017
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M
Fandoms: Trio of Towns
Relationship: Wayne/Holly; Characters: Wayne, Holly | Nanami, Tototara, Lisette
Additional Tags: one-night stand, Friendship with a capital F, Unrequited, Angst, Angst and Romance
Summary: "Do you think it's possible for a guy an' a girl to be just friends? ...I mean, there's no other way to describe what this thing is between us, right? It's special, but not in 'that' kind of way. What do people call this kind of relationship?"
Of Sunshine and Sutures - by Neebsandtatties; WIP, 3/?, 5k; Published March 2017
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M
Fandoms: Trio of Towns
Relationship: Ford/ Holly | Nanami; Characters: Ford, Holly | Nanami, And mentions of the rest of the gang, Brad, Wayne
Additional Tags: Drabble Collection, Slow Burn, Freeform, Dancing, Pre-Relationship, Wingman Wayne, First Meetings
Summary: *A bunch of drabbles and writings based around Ford & Holly in no particular order*
Armor - by Ravenia; Completed, 6/6, 4k; Published April 2017
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: F/M
Fandoms: Trio of Towns
Relationships: Wayne/Holly, Hinata/Holly, Ford/Holly, Inari/Holly, Ludus/Holly, Yuzuki/Holly; Characters: Wayne, Ludus, Holly, Ford, Inari, Hinata, Yuzuki
Additional Tags: Female Protagonist, Fluff, Established Relationship
Summary: A six-shot series, one of each bachelor paired with the MC. Loosely inspired by their heart events and mostly Landon Austin’s song, “Armor”.
A Pendant For You - by luminouzyui; Complete, 1/1, 3k; Published April 2017
Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: F/M
Fandom: Trio of Towns
Relationships: Yuzuki/Holly | Nanami
Characters: Yuzuki, Holly | Nanami
Summary: Yuzuki knew he had fallen in love with Holly, but he was afraid it would be unrequited. With a little push from his best friend, he made a pendant for her and confessed his feelings.
Calloused Hands Are Not Beautiful - by Ysavvryl; Complete, 1/1, 7k; Published April 2017
Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: Gen
Fandom: Trio of Towns
Characters: Holly | Nanami, Marlena, Daryl, Frank
Additional Tags: Childhood, Pre-Canon, tycoon, Sexism
Summary: But does that really matter? This is a story of a girl who would make her life's dream come true by her own work.
Happy Birthday, Mama - by OneTrick; Complete, 1/1, 1.2k; Published April 2017
Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M
Fandom: Trio of Towns
Characters: Ludus, Lisette, Siluka, Iluka
Additional Tags: Family Fluff, Birthday, Birthday Fluff, Family
Summary: Ludus and MC's daughter give her a very special birthday.
Typhoon - by MaraDin; Complete, 1/1, <1k; Published April 2017
Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Categories: F/M, Gen
Fandom: Trio of Towns
Characters: Ludus, Tototara, Player Character
Additional Tags: Ludus is too pure for his own good, PC is a flirt, and she knows it, Short One Shot
Summary: The farmer experiences her first typhoon since moving to the tri-town area, and calls on the occupants of the Lulukoko Inn after a day of running around in the storm. Silliness ensues, Ludus is embarrassed, the farmer is wet.
This Is Acting - by AccidentallyTheWholeFanfic; Complete, 1.1, 5k; Published May 2017
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: M/M
Fandoms: Trio of Towns
Relationship: Yuzuki/Hinata; Characters: Yuzuki, Hinata
Additional Tags: Romance, Friendship, Humor, Slash, Fluff, Those goddamn marble sodas, Snackoos
Summary: When Hinata is cast in his first leading role for a play, Yuzuki offers to help him rehearse a particularly important scene... as the lead's love interest. Slash. Utter fluff.
#throwback thursday#story of seaons#trio of towns#harvest moon#sos 3ot#sos tot#3ot#story of seasons trio of towns
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okay so I finally made one of these to participate in the rewatch. just figuring it all out now that fic is finally ready to post. hopefully there will be a scene per episode but no promises!
###
Tales of Woe - Scenes from S1
1.1
She had finally had enough.
After dozens of questions and just one response, the nameless woman tore the sensors off her fingers and called the whole thing to a halt. She didn't know anything, yet she knew that this was pointless; and that she was done being a specimen, letting these people do whatever they wanted to her.
"I want to speak to someone in charge," she stated once more, more fiercely this time.
She felt better just having made the demand. And at least it made something happen; the man with the machine left and she was alone for awhile, her head full of the same sorts of questions the man had just asked.
Who was she?
What had happened to her?
Why the tattoos?
But she didn't have any answers other than the one she'd offered the man with the machine. Her mind was still a complete blank and the stark interrogation room just made the woman feel small and anxious about everything she didn't know.
She was clearly under suspicion but she didn't think she'd done anything wrong. Her only memories were a blur of being naked and yelled at, shaking under a thousand lights. Then there was the onslaught of tests, being dragged around like a rag doll as her brain tried to catch up to what was going on.
Finally, the door opened again and she looked up to see a different man walk in. This agent was bearded and a bit stern looking, but when he got closer she thought his blue eyes seemed sympathetic. Yet she still wondered what he was going to demand of her, if he was going to be as pointless as the last guy.
"I'm Special Agent Kurt Weller," he said. "I'm the lead agent on your case."
The memory-less woman felt a flash of satisfaction, realizing that her demand had been met. But that was quickly washed away by the flood of questions rushing through her mind.
She asked him the most important ones - if they knew what was going on, who she was. But, frustratingly, the agent didn't have any answers for her. Instead, he told her that they hadn't been able to identify her through any of the usual means, despite all the testing they had done.
The woman was disappointed but not surprised. Somehow she'd known that it wouldn't be that easy - someone had gone to a lot of trouble to do this to her.
She was surprised though, when the agent asked her if she recognized him. Especially because he seemed a little uncomfortable with the question himself; sounding as if he was unsure how to even ask it.
To her, the question was absurd. Hadn't she made it clear that she didn't know anything or anyone?
"I don't even recognize me," she replied.
That's when he dropped the first real bomb in her relatively short memory, causing a seismic shift in her understanding of the situation. Telling her that he might somehow be familiar to her, even though he didn't know her. Because his name was tattooed in large print across her back.
Even without much context or experience, she'd come to understand that the tattoos which covered her were not at all normal and a major part of whatever was happening to her. But all of the ones she'd examined were just random patterns and pictures. Nothing nearly as obvious as the huge letters stamped across her back.
The woman started to panic, questions and anxiety flooding through her. How could it be that she knew him well enough to have his name tattooed on her and he didn't know her at all?
But the agent had asked her to try to find some familiarity in him and he had asked kindly, without making it a demand. Which, at least, was different than anything that had happened since she woke up in a bag, without a single memory in her head.
She reached out cautiously, putting one hand on his, then lifting the other to his stubbled cheek. The idea of touching someone else, instead of being the one touched - even that was something new. The agent looked uncomfortable with the situation but let her continue her exploration of his features until her fingers drifted over his eyebrow and he finally flinched.
Disappointingly, her hands didn't know him anymore than her mind did. There was nothing but a total blank as he pulled her hand away, looking a bit embarrassed at having just been examined so intimately.
"Anything?" he asked.
She told him no and could tell that he wasn't surprised. Though he did still look a little flustered at what had passed between them and switched straight into Agent-mode when she asked what would happen to her next.
He said something about releasing photos of her to the media to try and gather tips about who she could be. Which was, even to her, pretty obviously the next step in trying to figure out her identity.
But she was starting to understand that there weren't likely to be any easy answers. Clearly, the agents weren't going to quickly identify her and bring her home to her family. Which then made her wonder what was going to happen to her now that the FBI finally seemed done with their questions. How long was she going to be stuck in that sterile room?
"No, that's not what I meant. I mean what happens right now? I don't have anywhere to go."
The agent looked surprised at her question, as if just realizing her situation. The nameless woman tried not to feel so vulnerable, even though she was completely reliant on people with unknown intentions. It was hard to hold it together though when she was so alone and adrift, without a single memory to tether herself to. Lost and detached from anything; born into a world of people that only seemed to see her as a dangerous commodity.
Suddenly she felt completely drained, both physically and emotionally exhausted from her nightmarish experience. She wanted to curl into a corner of the cold metal room and shut her eyes until someone could help her, tell her who she was. But she was at the mercy of this agent, with no idea what she was allowed to do in this strange existence.
Agent Weller gave her a worried look, as if he could feel her need bleeding through her words. Then he pulled out his phone and started sending typing some messages, groaning to himself as he received a response he clearly didn't like.
"We're working on finding you a place to stay but it's not going to be ready for another hour or two. I'm sorry ma'am, but you'll have to wait here until it's all set up."
The woman shuddered, hating the thought of being stuck in that room alone with her thoughts for another minute, let alone two hours. Her mind was a swirl of endless questions, the kind that led straight into despair. She wondered how to tell the agent that she was going to lose it if he left her there but then felt pathetic just thinking about admitting it.
The woman started to panic as she realized again how little control she had over her situation. The agent could leave her in that room for as long as he wanted to - she had no reason to trust what he said. Even though she wanted to believe he would help her, she'd also been quite irritated by the way the FBI had treated thus far.
But just as her thoughts began to spiral out of control, Agent Weller surprised her by reaching over and taking her hand in his. In fact, the agent seemed equally befuddled with his own action, frowning down at their enjoined hands before looking up at her in concern.
His next words were a miracle though, as if he were reading her thoughts. For the first time in her short memory she actually felt seen, despite all the previous examinations.
"Hey. Do you want to get out of here?"
Maybe she hadn't recognized him, maybe she never would. But he had understood her need and she was immensely grateful for that.
She needed something to hold onto. And maybe, just maybe, that something was the stern-but-gentle agent who was still nervously squeezing her hand.
###
His Jane Doe was about to lose it.
Even without knowing her at all, Agent Weller could easily see the anxiety take over her body after he told her about the delay in finding her accommodations. Which made a lot of sense as soon as he realized how long she'd already been in rooms just like that one, getting bombarded with tests and questions that she had no answers for. Not to mention the situation she found herself in - alone in an unfamiliar world with no memories or sense of self.
What didn't make any sense was the way Weller automatically reached for the mystery woman's hand, curling her fingers into his palm in an attempt to settle her. Despite her physical examination of him, there was no reason to think she would invite his touch. Also, it was most definitely not amongst his usual tactics. On the contrary, Weller was normally quite reserved with his manners, careful to maintain appropriate contact in all of his interactions, especially when it came to gorgeous victims in his cases.
But she was panicking and looked like she was about to crumble into herself. The terrified look on her face was breaking his heart and Weller suddenly realized that he'd just condemned her to more hours in that sterile room, with the intense lighting and distinct air of criminality. No wonder she looked so on edge, about to teeter into an emotional abyss.
Shit, he thought. He should have considered her prior experience before telling her she had to remain in interrogation like a prisoner. Not that there were a lot of options for what to do with her until the safe house was cleaned and ready. But he had to do something to resolve her obvious anxiety. Even if it meant breaking his usual rules.
"Hey. Do you want to get out of here?" he asked, the thought tumbling out of his mouth before it was even fully formed.
But any regrets about his impromptu offer were instantly pushed aside by the spark of hope his words elicited from the woman's troubled green eyes. She looked at him with a heady mixture of surprise and relief that filled his chest with sugary satisfaction.
"Where would we go?" she asked, still wary but already visibly calmer from his suggestion.
Damn, he hadn't exactly thought that far yet.
There certainly wasn't protocol for a situation like that, so Weller just did his best to think about what he would want after being cooped up in windowless rooms for an entire day.
"Outside?" he suggested. "We could go for a walk."
Her eyes flickered nervously again, then brightened with hope as she nodded shyly.
Weller felt extremely pleased with himself, far more than he should have been, as he led the tattooed woman out of the interrogation room and into the elevator. He really should have been formulating a good excuse for what he was doing but instead Weller just texted Mayfair a brief update that did not explain why he was personally escorting their asset outside the building until her safe house was ready.
The benefit of having a superior that trusts you, he thought wryly.
But then, more soberly, Weller reminded himself that he only held that trust because he never did stuff like that. He was always sure to play within the rules and, therefore, his word held a lot of weight with Mayfair.
Again he asked himself what the hell he was thinking. He'd known this woman for less than a half hour and his usual rock solid professional boundaries were already wavering.
But there she was, standing rigidly beside him in the elevator, chewing her lower lip nervously. Weller tried to convince himself that it was all just because she'd needed help and he was wired to protect. Though he'd done the job long enough to know that his near instantaneous attachment to this victim was more than that, something he'd never experienced before.
Inappropriate conduct Weller, he silently scolded himself, in a mock military academy tone.
But then the elevator reached the ground floor and Weller glanced over at the nameless woman, who was still obviously tense, her eyes flickering up at him hopefully. Quickly he shrugged off the mental reprimand; when he looked at her, there was no doubt in his mind that he was doing the right thing, even if it wasn't exactly consistent with protocol.
His thought was further confirmed as they approached the exit and she became visibly calmer, even offering him a tentative smile as he led her out the door, his arm hovering protectively behind her back. Then, when they stepped outside the building, she turned her eyes towards the street and took a deep breath in, wrinkling her nose a little at the odorous city air.
Weller grinned at the mixture of joy and relief on the woman's face as she stared wide-eyed at her surroundings; first taking in all the people on the street before looking up at the skyscrapers in awe. He let her just stand there and take it all in for a moment before gently directing her towards the closest green space he could think of, a small park in amongst the concrete jungle of lower Manhattan.
It was quiet in the park, as quiet as his Jane Doe. She hadn't said a word since they left the NYO, though her body language had gradually loosened up during the walk. Weller wondered what she was thinking about but held himself back from asking. He wanted to give her a chance to decompress after everything she'd just been through, not make her feel pressured to talk.
They reached the end of the grassy area and, again, he wasn't sure what to do. There was still a lot of time to kill before they needed to be back at the NYO.
"Do you want to sit? Or keep walking?" he asked.
It was just a simple question, but Weller hoped that offering her a choice would give her a small sense of control.
He watched her think for a moment, tilt her head just so. It was almost impossible not to stare at the bird tattoo on her neck, watch the way it moved with her skin.
Having your whole body tattooed against your will was such an invasion he couldn't even begin to imagine how she felt about it. But Weller also couldn't help thinking about how aesthetically eye-catching some of was.
AKA, fucking hot.
The thought came to him completely unbidden, forcing Weller to take his eyes off her skin as he chastised himself strongly. Learning to stay emotionally detached from victims in his cases was one of the first things he'd had to figure out as a rookie agent. Nowadays, he didn't have problems with that anymore, except in cases involving little girls. But the woman beside him was making his chest ache with her innocent vulnerability and all Kurt could do was tell himself to calm the hell down and keep things professional.
"Let's walk," she finally answered, shivering a little as the sun dropped behind a building.
Weller realized that he'd brought her out in just a tank top and immediately felt like a total idiot. He hadn't thought to grab her a jacket because he'd already been flustered with his own actions and it had been warm out when they left the NYO.
Plus, it was odd having to dress an adult, he figured. Though he still felt negligent for not having thought of it earlier.
Taking off his suit jacket, Weller draped it over the woman's bare shoulders and she flashed him another thankful look. Idly, he wondered if she appreciated more than just the warmth of his coat - if she'd been feeling too exposed in just her tattooed skin. Especially after already having been scrutinized for hours by strangers.
They continued walking away from the park and Weller kept having to remind himself not to stare. But now it wasn't the tattoos that kept tugging at his eye; he just felt drawn to the woman in a way he couldn't explain.
Obviously there was the mystery of his name in large letters on her back. That would be intriguing in any circumstance. But it was more than that - for instance, he was out walking with her instead of tending to all the things he should have been doing. Which was definitely not usual Kurt Weller behaviour. He was known as a workaholic for a reason and set the example for his team to follow. So he should be at his desk, finishing up the paperwork for that raid in Kentucky and then catching up on this tattoo case.
And yet, there he was, strolling the streets of lower Manhattan with a memoryless stranger and all Weller was sure of anymore was that he needed to protect her. He had no idea what had happened to her, what her future held. But he was going to figure it out and help her not look so lost.
Walking in silence seemed to help calm her so they kept going until they were almost at the water, at the tip of Manhattan. Then, when they couldn't walk any further, they stopped, looking out over the bay.
Weller looked at his Jane Doe as she stood there, seeming adrift in her thoughts. Which wasn't surprising of course. She had to have so much going on in her mind, all that wondering about who she was and why this was happening to her. And even though he felt like he should say something to break the quiet, Weller couldn't think of anything that didn't sound stupid or insensitive to what she was going through.
While he was still searching for the right words, she turned to him, her expression suddenly anxious again. Then an onslaught of questions poured out of her like an emotional dam in her had finally been broken.
"What if I never find out who I am? Why this happened to me?" she asked.
"What if I never remember anything? And I'm just stuck with these tattoos and no life and no one who knows me? What am I going to do?
She was getting visibly agitated again, biting down hard on her lower lip. Her eyes were wide and scared, begging him for an answer.
Weller had the oddest instinct to wrap his arms around her from behind, hold her until she calmed. But of course he didn't actually do that, would never behave that way with a complete stranger.
Briefly his mind flashed back to the interrogation room, the way he'd automatically taken her hand to help settle her panic. Flushing with embarrassment at his breach of etiquette and the tingle he felt even thinking back to it, Kurt reminded himself that she was the vulnerable victim of a crime and he had to be extremely careful not to abuse his position of power.
Still, he couldn't help but stand right up beside her, close enough that her shoulder touched up against his. Weller told himself it was just to ground her with some human contact and remind her that he was there with her. Yet immediately he again found himself yearning to put his arm around her, and again he had to vehemently tell himself no. And then, somehow, as if he had no control over what was happening, his arm was draped around her shoulders, completely disregarding everything in his usual moral code.
She tensed at his touch and Weller cursed himself silently for whatever had possessed him to do it. But when he started to take his arm away, she moved even closer and leaned up against him.
"No, please don't," she said.
Well that sold it. Weller replaced his arm on her shoulders, wrapping his hand around her right bicep. He noticed that she was strong, seemingly made of muscle, and he gave her a reassuring squeeze on the arm. Which won him an upward look and a timid grin that jabbed at his heart.
She still looked so lost and he didn't know what he could say to make anything better for her. But Weller knew that he had to at least try and alleviate her worries, make some sort of effort to show her how much he wanted to help. So he did his best to gather up some words, hoping that they didn't sound too trite.
"I know you feel very alone and scared about what's happening to you. But you're not alone, I'm here to help you. And I don't have any answers for you yet but I promise, if there's any way out there to figure out who you are, my team will find it."
His attempt at comfort was met with a furrowed brow and skeptical eyes. She obviously didn't completely believe him, yet she seemed content to stand much too close and Weller found himself rubbing her arm absently as she continued to study him carefully.
"You trust your team a lot," she finally said, in an unreadable tone.
"They're the best," Weller replied, with full confidence.
"Shouldn't you be with them? Figuring this all out?"
Weller froze. She was right, of course. He should be at the NYO, working on her case. Under no circumstance was his current behaviour appropriate.
Instantly he felt called out; completely exposed. The woman was looking at him with an unreadable expression, somewhere between a frown and a smirk. Part of him thought she was poking fun at him while the other part thought she was being seriously critical about his dedication to solving her case.
He was still speechless and trying to come up with a suitable answer when she surprised him yet again by edging further into him and tentatively resting her head against his shoulder.
"Don't look so worried. I was just kidding," she said.
"I know you didn't have to take me out here, I'm sure you have a million things to do. But thank you, this is exactly what I needed."
The look of gratefulness on her face was Kurt Weller fuel. He was a fixer; and at that moment there was absolutely nothing else he wanted to fix.
So, even if he hadn't found out anything about who she was, at least she was standing by the waterside, joking with him and no longer looking so terrified. In that way, he'd already won the day.
"I know I'm just another stranger but if there's anything you need I'm here for you," he said.
Again she didn't say anything for awhile, but seemed happy to just stand there, leaning against him. Then, just as he thought that she was done talking, she looked up at him with serious eyes.
"You're not a stranger. You're the lead agent on my case," she said thoughtfully.
"And we went for a walk together the day we met."
That earned her a full on grin, one that Kurt didn't see coming at at all. The firecracker that erupted in his chest from her comment was especially very unlike himself, far more emotional than he was used to feeling.
Which again told him that the situation was off, that he was acting bizarrely. But what was worse, he didn't care. Despite everything, Weller looked down at the woman in his arms and knew that he was exactly where he needed to be.
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One Year Playing Genshin
>What got you to play Genshin Impact?
The meteors event!! I heard they were giving away a free Fischl and I liked her design too much to pass up even though I was apprehensive about gacha games. I was blown away by how good the game was and Fischl has been a mainstay on my A-team ever since.
>Which twin did you pick, and why?
Lumine, half because I knew my husband would pick Aether and half because I thought less people would pick her. Ha, how wrong I was about that!
>What patch did you start playing during?
1.1, I’ve been here for quite a while!
>What was your favorite event?
Unreconciled Stars, mostly for nostalgia (and Scaramouche), but Windtrace and Golden Apple Archipelago were definitely up there. I loved the mystery surrounding the meteors and all the characters involved - I love events that encourage you to go out and explore Teyvat, especially when you get to interact with playable characters along the way. Shadows Amid Snowstorms is definitely delivering in this regard - though I do wish it wasn’t localized to just Dragonspine.
>Who was your first 5 star character?
Albedo! I got him by complete accident after just two pulls on his banner while I was pulling for Fischl constellations. I ignored him for a while but when it turned out he was amazing I started building him and was really glad I got him!
>Favorite female character?
Hu Tao. She was the first character I ever pre-farmed for and the whole fiasco with her not coming out during the Lunar New Year got a good laugh out of me. She makes me laugh in general! Her design is super slick and her playstyle is really unique; she’s the main DPS on my secondary team. Mona and Fischl are definitely honorary mentions though.
>Favorite male character?
If it wasn’t obvious, Kazuha. Do I even have to explain how obsessed with him I am? He is beautiful, has such a unique playstyle that adapts to any team, and has such a gentle yet sassy personality. His survivor's guilt contrasting with his lust for life is beautifully poetic and real, he's definitely one of the more human-feeling characters. Tohma and Scaramouche are honorable mentions.
>What's your favorite co-op memory?
For me it was the time during Windtrace I was playing on the rebel team as Hu Tao - the hunter was a Yanfei who threatened to give me a parking ticket to which I said she'd have to catch me first. I was the only survivor on my team. Jumping from tree to tree on the Wuwang Hill map as Hu Tao is kinda broken!
>Favorite Harbinger?
Scaramouche. I can - and do - go on and on about how much I love him. I cannot get enough of him. He’s so unrepentantly evil and having so much FUN being bad. It’s refreshing to see a villain like that in an age where everyone is trying and failing to be the next Zuko. Also he’s just gorgeous.
>Favorite thing that’s been added to the game since you started playing?
Fishing! I love fishing in video games, I could get lost in it for hours.
>Are you a content creator for Genshin? If so, what do you do?
Yes! I’m a cosplayer and fic writer! I’ve cosplayed Klee before and am currently working on a Kazuha cosplay. Might do Hu Tao or Fischl afterwawrds, but we’ll see!
>Have you purchased any Genshin merch, official or unofficial? If so, do you have a favorite thing?
I sure have! I’ve got a bunch of unofficial Genshin stickers on my laptop (mostly Kazuha and Chongyun but there’s a Hu Tao, Mona, Fischl, and Scaramouche too) and I also preordered the 1/7 scale Mona figure. My favorite thing I own though is probably a Scaramouche cushion that was very helpful to cuddle with while recovering from a pretty major operation. I’d really like to get one of those big Anemo Slime plushies too, eventually.
>What are you most looking forward to in the coming year for Genshin?
Yunjin release and hopefully Ganyu rerun! I skipped Ganyu to get Hu Tao but that sure won’t be the case this time around! I didn’t expect to like Yunjin nearly as much as I do though and I’m so glad she’s a four star, that way she’ll be easier to get - and if leaks are anything to go by she compliments my playstyle perfectly.
>Any other thoughts?
I did not expect this game to end up meaning as much to me as it does. To all my friends in the community and to everyone who has supported my cosplays and fic, thank you, you’re all amazing. I hope we can continue to enjoy Genshin together for a long, long time to come.
#Genshin Impact#a little positivity#feel free to do this on your own blogs#on your own anniversaries#tag me if you like#i'd love to hear your stories
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