#i guess im also just getting older now so seeing male leads doing a 'first kiss' art makes me want to kill
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thinking about the will wood interpretation of the wednesday netflix show i havent see the show at all but i believe him with every core of my being
like not to talk out of my ass cuz i litterly have not seen the show and only have seen pictures and fanart but i also saw NO negative posts about it till the will wood one today (not saying theyre arent i just havent seeked out stuff for this show), even my sister recommended it to me. i have a bad habit of disliking popular things that are hyped up on social media even when its a show i like just because like.... sometimes fandom brain rot irks me a little and im definitely hypocritical and cringe just like every other mf on this website.
but also ive seen the adams family movie (i dont think its the OG og but the most popular one) where the camp was to 100%, all the characters were unapologetically weird, political, and goth. not only was it extremely funny camp but had a lot to say for its time, and honestly i think movies like that are becoming rarer and rarer. its so mf boomer of me to say it but with how politics are now and we (at least speaking as an American) have succumbed to the idea that corporations hold more power than the average person in politics, we also hold companies to higher degree of pr and well..... 'wokeness' and inclusion. and like dont get me wrong its so nice to not watch movies and shows with random blatant racism / racism stereotypes for no reason and theres been great shows made in recent times.... but its also like.... companies are becoming more scared to do anything wrong or bold. to be political in any manner, to make a bold statement in any manner because they arent JUST appealing to 'left wokism' (sorry idk how to decribe it better) but to the most people in a nice friendly family friendly manner. (like.... im trying to communicate the idea of lemon demons redesign ur logo like... THAT. they are appealing to everyone)
so long story short i believe will wood's review with a burning fucking passion because thats how a lot of media is turning out, especially by repurposed IPs which is a whole nother fucking annoying thing. smaller rant that intertwines, but its just like television, merch, fandom, etc etc are scared of letting something die or letting something be, both companies who search to milk every last cent..... and fandom people looking to psycho analyize every character into cardboard cut out stereotype or their personal barbie dolls to use to draw gay art and writing long paragraphs about some new netflix merged IP is so 'saphic/gay coded' etc etc its gets so fucking annoying. can we have a normal conversation about a show please like adults.
tdlr can we not spend 20 million years destroying the meaning of somethings original message, both on the sides of repurposed ips AND fandom brain rot, to make something entirely new squeky clean and gay teen romance replaying the same scene of first love over snd over again THIS ISNT ART
#sorry im like so fucking pretencious when it comes to media i know its annoying#also i love being cringe about my favorite things so like#im not trying to attack people for liking things#BUT PPL ALSO KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT DONT MISCONSTREW MY WORDS#its like fine to like something and analize it a bit deeper#and its fun to imagine a different senario and how the themes of the show can be bended or strained#like mob psycho swap au for example#but it annoys me when its like...... it strays from the themes#themes and metaphor are the most important parts of media for me#so im kinda picky with media because action and stuff doesnt really entertain me the same#idk im so tired from today im just talking about this random rant to no one#if you read all of this i love u and u def dont agree but i also think i have a valid point#also im not trying to say all fandom people do that to characters its just uh........#most...... expecially in POPULAR media so thats why i get scared#i guess im also just getting older now so seeing male leads doing a 'first kiss' art makes me want to kill#wheres the nuance and flavor#the transgenderness beyond owo i have top surgery scars oh no.....#but anyways#shoutout to mob psycho btw oh my god#and to my favorite artist#also when i say things like people who dont want something to die its like#different when its like star trek fans vs like 7th remake adams family#if that makes sense#and im not even saying all adams family remakes are bad either#sorry im like covering my bases#cuz internet makes me so afraid of pea brainsd idiots HAISBAJSBXJ#sorry thats mean..... 💖 but some ppl r maliciously ignorant fr
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i rant about resident evil and their writing / inclusion of the girls.
i jsut want 2 girls to go on their fucked up little adventures together is that too much to ask
i finally got to the halfway point of code veronica X and GODDDD i fucking knew they were gonna do this goddamn shit w/ steve and claire. i knew from the goddamn beginning even if i didnt want to admoit it...... residetn evil just cant be normal w/ a girl being paired w/ a guy. they just fucking cant
i understand that this is seen more among the older games (ashley + leon from re4 as well) and i cant speak for the og re3 nemesis but the way they wrote carlos and jill? its just.... why make these male characters say such bizarre and degrading and just ? nasty comments towards the female protag? do you really expecvt us to root for them? i just dont fcuking undeerstand, and this occurs in a remake too! they didnt bother to maybe just maaaybe take that bulllshit out. because jill's uncomfortable. IM uncomfortable. its just. godddd who the fuck caaaares STOP THIS TROPE
you see this same thing w/ steve and claire.... not oonly is steve incredibly fucking annoying the first second we meet him, he also continually acts as a nuisance towards her for a good quarter of the game. yeah sure theyre just building up to the Ground Breaking Emo backstory drop later, but. you already made me fucking hate this loser so goddamn much meaning im not gonna give a single shit about his development later. I JUST DONT CARE FOR HIM !!!!!! THEM MAKING HIM SO ANNOYINH RUINED ANY CHANCE OF ME CHANGING MY MIDN LATER.......
and GOD havent even mentioned this yet but. when i saw the little preview thing w/ the 3 characters w/ claire + chris i saw [steve] and went.... [eyeballs] hello whos this? long story short i thoiught he was a butch lesbian and i got SO excite d b c residtn ebil has yet to pair a girl up w/ anothner girl around the same age but noooooo instead i got this pathetic loser of a man (derogatory). the closest we have to 2 girls being fucked up together is mia and zoe in re7. but thats like. mainly a side thing. and mia isnt even the protag so
which leads me to the next thng i wanted to talk about. i think mnmen are super cool ofc and i hate to be that Bitch and pull that Card but good freaking god why must there be a man FOR EVERY SINGLE FEMALE CHARACTER IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN SERIES...... andit woudlnt be huge deal if they were noraml w/ these pairings but theyre NOT..... THEY MAKE IT WEIRD EVERY SINGLE TIME..... STEVE LITERALLY ALMOST KISSES CLAIRE WHILE SHE'S ASLEEP........ CARLOS CONSISTENTLY MAKES UNNECESSARILY WEIRD COMMENTS TOWARD JILL......... ASHLEY RANDOMLY AWSKS FOR SEX AT THE END OF RE4............ WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AOBUT? good for ashley for shooting her shot i guess though but considering yhe game's previous comments towards ashleu and her figure.... it was blatantly put in to sexualize her furtyher
maybe its thr lesbian in me popping out maybe its the aromantic in me popping out WHO KNOWS all i know is that. resident evil makes me very upset sometimes dflkgnjg i love the games i love the characters (esp the girls big surprise i know) but jesus christ. somethings i just can't ignore. and this is cerrtainly one of them. a girl just can't exist out of a guy according to capcom. and that sort of idea is suuuper evident in how they portray and include their women. you could have a girl protag (re3, recv etc) but theres always a 99% chance theres gonna be a man tagging along + continually saving their asses and theres almost alwaysa an even HIGHER chance that theyre meant to be seen as a romantic interest! and its exhausting@!!!!!
long story short . i get im not resident evil's target audience . but im still gonna be pissed and annoyed . the girls deserve better .
im def gonna have to go more in depth abt resident evil and their writing of relationships (or lack thereof) some other time but just for now. the best written ones are claire + sherry and mia + ethan goodbye
#resident evil#mine#text#my thoughts#[emma mountebank voice] ok :) i’m done#take this all w/ a grain of salt i guess#or dont i dont care#i also lost my train of thought. so ill add more if it ever comes to me. but for nwo. this is the bulk of it i think#my RE tag#RE
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MANHWA RECS??? Say no more.
The Villainess is a Marionette / The Way to Save the Female Lead's Older Brother both have frankly unreasonably beautiful art and pretty badass, calculating, very unreasonably attractive heroines.
Death is the Only Ending for a Villainess is another manhwa with a really cool female lead who's very pragmatic and relatable, she's one I'm really rooting for.
The Great Wish is a more plot-intensive but slow-moving politically motivated manhwa with some very nice character development and really neat grey vs grey morality.
I Failed to Throw the Villain Away is a secret pleasure of mine. The art is very pretty, the male lead is pretty much batshit insane, and he and the female lead are both traumatized by a fucked up childhood they spent together (the male lead was a slave in the female lead's household).
Ohhhhh, nice recs!
I heard about some of these before! I think I tired to get into The Villainess Is A Marionette, but I don't think I found a very good translation and so I couldn't get into it. I like to read Manhwa to turn my brain off and just enjoy the romance, so I'm very particular about the translation lol.
I heard about The Way To Save The Female Lead's Other Brother from a strong female progtagist listing. But I found myself not liking the characters that much? I felt like the female lead was a little too cold hearted for my taste. Honestly I really, really enjoy strong, takes no bullshit Mcs, than Mcs that are bashful or insecure. But I don't think cold hearted Mcs are for me. It's the reason when I couldn't get into The Lady And The Beast, even though, on paper, I should have really enjoyed the Mc.
I think I recognize the cover to Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess but I can't remember if I actually read it or not... guess it's going on my to read list lol.
The Great Wish and I Failed to Throw The Villain Away both look really good! I also haven't heard of either of them! Though, im a little weary about reading less popular Manhwas purely because I worry what the translation quality will be.....
Now, to get into some of MY recs.
When I first got into My Gently Raised Beast I was expecting myself not to like it. The Mc is your typical shy, and "Oh, the male lead could *never* fall for me" type of character. Which i really hate. What had me holding on was the male lead. There's nothing outright special about him, but I just really enjoyed that he thinks about what the Mc might want. He's never pushy, or forceful, and tries to do everything the "correct" way so they can be together. Honestly, it was very refreshing. I always dislike harsh male leads that never seem to question what their love interest would feel, so seeing this guy be thoughtful was really nice. Overall, just a really sweet story.
Beware The Villainess is truly my favorite Manwha of all time. I think I love absolutely everything about it. The Mc is the classic "isekaied onto the villain but is actually a good person" trope. The Mc takes no shit from aby of the guys around her, and has an incredibly wholesome friendship with another girl character. The love story between the Mc and the male lead honestly blew me away. It's basically a role reversal, were the girl is all tough and headstrong, and the guy is more shy and bashful. I never seen a role reversal done like this in a Manwha before and I absolutely ADORE it! The Female lead is all "let *me* protect *you*" and she does! Really, that's all I want in a role reversal lol. Yet the Mc isn't cold or unfeeling at all, she's still very sweet and has empathy. Honestly, the male lead just gives me such "I can peg him" vibes its amazing lol. Definitely a must read!
Again, The Reason Raeliana Ended up at the Duke’s Mansion seems like a Manwha I would have really disliked. The male lead is forceful and doesn't care about the Mcs feelings. The Mc is insecure to an almost insane level. So why did I read every single chapter of this Manwha? Well, for starters it has one of the best translations I ever seen. And. I don't really know? This was the first Manwha I ever read, so I wasn't really intune with kind of things I liked and disliked in a Manwha. I found it a while later, and decided to pick up roughly where I left off, and once you get past the whole "Male lead is a jerk and the Mc doesn't really wanna be with him" it's actually a really sweet story! (When the two leads actually love each other, the story is actually sweet! Who knew! /j) The manwha is finished, and fully translated and easy to find and read. It's also incredibly funny and has a really good art style. If you're willing to put up with some of the things I listed, then I think you should give it a try.
Inso's Law is different as in its set in the present day, but I actually think this is one of my favorite piece of media ever lol. It's just, so incredibly good! Basically, the plot is that this girl doesn't really get Iskeaied into a story, but more so a book she's reading kinda becomes reality and she's gets placed as the female leads best friend. That's not really spoilers because you fund this out in like, the first chapter lol. It's incredibly instructing and really deals with the stress of being Iskeaied. Also, every character is so incredibly flushed out, not just the Mc and the love interest! The story is extremely funny, while also having a lot of heart and feels. I wouldn't really call the Mc a strong female character, but more of a regular person. I would recommend this to people who even hate Iskeai stories because this one does it in such a unique way that I think everyone should read.
It's been a while since I read Who Made Me A Princess but I found myself really enjoying it when I first read it. Unlike the others, this is a family story instead of a romance focused story like the others. The father is pretty typical guy for a Manwha, as in he's very cold and unfeeling and it's the Mcs job to "fix" him. Honestly I normally really dislike these stories, but since they're so common in the genre I kinda forced myself to tolerating it lol. But when you actually get into the story, and pass the father being a jerk, the relationship they build together is actually very sweet. I also found the beginning to extremely hilarious, and the side characters to be very likeable.
I really, really enjoyed Tricked Into Becoming The Heroine's Stepmother. It's a very laid back story, which I honestly prefer lol. Hugh fansty is nice, but when you have to start taking notes on what the characters are saying, and their nations relationships with each other, it becomes a little too much for me lol. Unlike the last rec, this dad really really loves his daughter, and it's why he's cold to the Mc! That passes extremely quickly tho, so if you're worried about that don't worry. The relationship between the Mc and the male lead is extremely natural, and it was something I found really really cute in this story. The basic plot is the Mc gets sent into the book her and her friends made, but years before the story takes place, now she teams up with the male lead to stop certain things from happening. It's a really cute read, and I definitely loved how the kid character was protrayed!
The Monster Duchess And The Contract Princess is a really cute read! There's basically no romance in this, and instead focuses on the family aspect! The basic plot is the Mc wants to create a contract with this real scary noble family in exchange for protection. I loved the adopted mother, and how lowkey intense she is, while also being very sweet. It's a very good read if you like adult characters looking after mistreated children.
The Remarried Empress has so much emotional depth, and great characters, that I actually got a little mad when I would read through the comments while I read this story. Characters make bad choices, but you completely understand why they did and where they're coming from. The Mc is cold and doesn't show much emotion, but you know exactly when she's like that. Her husband is a jerk, and is the villain of the story, but I still found myself able to understand his viewpoint and where he was coming from. I actually ended up feeling really bad for the rival girl (?? What do you call the character that's like a rival to the main girl? Whatever, rival girl works lol) because I understand where she's coming from! Basically every character makes really bad mistakes, but I can understand their view point. The story is very nuanced, and a great read if you like those kind of stories.
Ok, so I'm going to be honest, I really really love reverse harem stories. Which is why I absolutely adore My Next Life As A Villainess: All Routes Lead To Doom! It's extremely funny, like, the humor is definitely one of its main selling points. There's also female love interests too!! Which is always a delight to see in reverse harem stories. It was really interesting seeing the Mc befriend and make all the other characters fall for her, even when she doesn't realize how much of a player she is lol. Overall the story has a lot of heart, and is very funny! (I really struggle to find a reverse harem story that I like because this was one of the first I read and it set the bar SO high for me, so if yall have any suggestions I would love to hear them lol)
That's all the Manhwas I can think of right now! If yall have any more recommendations I would love to hear them! As yall can tell, I kinda crazy about Manhwas lol.
#ask#elsecrytt#manhwa recommendation#listen yall cant judge me for my taste this is a Obey Me smut blog#is it really a surpise that i like Harem stories??? is it really??
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update:
So its been like a really long time since i have wrote here so i thought that i would do some updates. im going to try to keep this as a type of journal i guess? Well, first things first. i moved back to ripley from huntington. was it the best idea? yes and no. i love saving my money and having an exceptionally bigger living space to do what i want and need. i dont love being under the same roof as 4 other men lol. they can be slobs at time but when it gets down to it they help pick up. one thing i will say though is that male drama is hilarious yet so fucking annoying at the same time. 100% better and than female drama though i will say that. I have continued working in child care, but i just got offered a job in charleston as a registered behavior tech which opportunity to move up within the company. which i am super excited about. i registered for classes through marshall to finish my regents bachelors degree so i start that this year as well. Not much else has changed. gunnar will be graduating from his coding school this march then he will be on the search for a coding job. hopefully that lands us somewhere cool. im just excited for us to be on our own, together. oh something funny happened the other night about a week ago. our dog, kylo had a wet dream and literally busted a load all over our bed. i was so upset with him lmao but what can you do. our other dog poppy was in heat so he must have been in the mood. hes been acting great ever since. christmas and the holidays were good. im so thankful for all my friends and family. i also got some really cool gifts that i was not expecting. this new year im really focusing on bettering myself and just upgrading my life in every way. Started by getting a new job that im eager to learn about and thrive in! im going to work on saving my money and not spend it on things that i truly do not need. my other goal is also to crush my meal/workout plan and prep for my first bb show! that im nervous about but i have an amazing coach to get me through it all.
with a new year though comes new worries. i turn 26 this year and once my bday hits i will officially be older than my sister and that feels weird. this year will make 6 years since her passing and it is crazy to me that she has been gone that long. time is so weird. im starting therapy this year to finally get to where i can deal and heal with all of my emotions and anxieties. it has really been taking a toll on me, but i dont let it stop me. ive made a couple really good friends who keep me distracted enough to not be constantly thinking about all of it. i definitely think that therapy will make a huge difference and in a way help me move on from it and heal properly like i should have a long time ago. at my current job with the preschool, the lead i am teaching under helps me a lot because she has went through damn near the same experience, so every friday we have our little venting sessions and just talk about all of our troubles and worries and she has really helped me see and realize so much and how to deal with certain things. shes a great person. she got me a cute yankee candle and 50 dollars for christmas cause she knows i like candles lmao.
thats about all i can think of right now for the update, byeeee
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long drabble of me dreaming my favorite haikyu characters are power hungry Hollywood stars that the industries made into assholes
also to thank everyone for 600 followers !! 😯
Tw! kuroo slander, akaashi slander, pushover y/n, emotional manipulation at its finest
I promise there was a point in time when we were I know we were I- I know I was
Yet , why are we sitting in front of a small old lady who's telling me we're both liars
That we were never that— we were never
" happy? " your voice came out short a small scoff of a laugh leaving your wide opened mouth
" y-you — he's happy — we're — I — I am happy " your eyes darted around the room looking for a shining piece to focus on for your jumpy eyes to land on
" he-he's happy I-i'm happy " your breathing quickened
" w-we — what is happy exactly anyways" you screamed
" w-what is it " you screamed at the top of your lungs rattling everything in the room ,everything , everyone ,and every nerve
" you can't feel it —you'll never feel it don’t--dont harp on it " a deep voice came out
" it's ok — really " your body tensed as you still felt everything inside you going haywire your eyes moved over to the person you once knew
the person who sat on the opposite end of the shared couch trying to move as far away from you as possible or that's what he wanted to do
" I-I - am I — why "
his voice came out stoic and short " you don't have the ability to"
his hand moved down his face " we're not happy because you can't be "
your body shook you felt the room going cold arms locking around yourself you need to be held you needed to be told you were right that everyone else was wrong this had gone on for too long
" come on get over here " he smiled softly
" come on pretty girl " he moved his head to show a smile on his face as you quietly moved shifting your body a bit over to him
" almost there come on I won't hurt you " your body stopped
" who said anything about hurting me "
he paused a small thought in the back of his mind coming to light
' damn i've screwed up '
" y/n hey — " you moved back to your end of the couch faster then he could reach out to grab hold of you " shit y— "
" do you two tend to always go back and forth like this "
the old lady sat watching " you , y/n , convincing yourself of something thats nothing shy from wrong and you , akaashi convincing her that everything's ok" akaashi's hands dropped and so did his smile
' asshole I knew he was faking '
" are you blaming me? " his voice came out tough and questioning almost as if daring her to answer correctly knowing that would ruin his image of himself and cause him to overthink your entire relationship
" i've done nothing but be there for my wife , for my love"
he turned to look at you panic spread in his eyes as the gears in his brain started to turn his thoughts already leading his mind down the path of overthinking" y/n we don't need this — let's go i'll call kuroo an—"
" no " you screamed " h-he can't help kuroos — he's just as bad please g-go away "
you pulled your knees to your chest as his eyebrow raised his eyes slowly moving down to your feet that sat on the edge of the couch a low cough coming out of his throat as he moved his gaze between the heels of your feet that were placed on the couch and the lady that sat in front of you
you dropped your feet quickly and moved back to a nice position your arms thrown over your crossed legs and back straightened your shades moved down on your nose— earrings hanging loosely to your ears and hair styled to perfection rivaling your inside appearance
Your hand came up to smooth out the dress that you wore for presentation hands playing with the fabric of the item
" you look fine y/n " akaashi’s voice came out soft. The lady in front of you smiled at the male to your left knowing a compliment could go a long way right now with the dark energy that had been placed in the room
you could feel his code for ‘ your being extra now y/n “
" really I mean it " he pressed " did you hear me "
‘ stop right now or your gonna give us away ‘
you quickly jumped " y-yes so sorry for not answering the first time I — "
" it's ok y/n we don't mind " the old lady’s voice rang out in understanding
" she's right we came here for you so — "
" no you two originally came here for you —that is what i was told by miss y/n "
he looked away and to his side staring at the window trying to calm himself down he was never one to show his anger he’d always played it off so well behind his calming persona but, his mind —his mind was anything but calm.
" y/n did you want to keep going " the old lady questioned eyes glowing and darting over you pristine appearance you really did look like the definition of money to her
your head moved in a small motion to look at akaashi out of the corner of your eye seeing his gaze on you as everything in the room slowed to a stop when his gaze moved to the door behind the older lady your eyes darted to the door seeing kuroo walking in a small smirk on his face
" actually miss y/n can't — we have an interview in 10" the old ladies face moved into a happy and excited smile you praying to the gods she wasn’t one of those people
" oh — kuroo " she screamed out In shock
the tiny bit of hope for help you’d finally thought you had a hold on left your body immediately with the knowing thought of ‘she’s a—
" I-i'm a — i'm a fan — I— "
he smiled down on the older lady pulling her into a hug as his eyes stayed locked on yours a wink coming out of the motion as akaashi turned his head back to the woman at hand ignoring his ‘friends ‘ advance on his wife " I love to meet my fans— especially when their as pretty as you "
" you are even sweeter than they show you on tv —you charmer you "
" i'm no charmer — i'm just being honest " he laughed " your pretty well set up here "
he looked to you " I see why she decided to come here —actually it's a bit nicer than I expected —inside seeing as though it's in the middle of no where and kinda I guess trashy on the outside "
he was picking on you with his words explaining codes that only you could get ‘ you picked the furthest place away from me and I still found you are you stupid ‘
the old lady smiled " yeah it's for people - like y/n here who don't want to be found out you know "
he smiled " yeah I get it — your a saint for doing things like this — y/n's never had anyone who can take care of her let alone listen like I can —I mean her husband yeah but he’s kind of unavailable but me im there always anytime any-day—she wants a lot from me she’s a beggar by nature y’know “ he sighed as you winced at his next words
“ everyone always seems to be out for her money or really just using her talents for their own benefits —making her seem stupid really. They exploit all of her—well she really only has them but her weakness—“ he looked at you from the corner of his eyes before he laughed “ like gullibility “
" I feel bad —really I'm always here if she wanted to come back "
he looked to you as she asked " do we want to come back y/n? "
‘this choice is not yours ‘
she smiled as kuroo moved a bit more to the middle of the room where the couch and chairs were placed his eyes sharply pointed at you " your always open to come back y/n "
‘ come back to another therapist and ruin your image like this again I dare you ‘
you smiled small at kuroos offer " no actually i'm fine I — I got to say what I wanted "
" that's good — that's nice — if you wanted to say more or talk when you have time y/n just call kenma he'll set up a professional ride for you "
he moved to talk with the older lady " and you — is there anything you need —- payment maybe for the time she did take up "
" oh uh no no for free on the house "
" what no —no i'll leave something for you " kuroo moved to grab his wallet as he sat a hundred yen coin on the table on top of a book that caused him to look twice with a squint his hand moving to rub over it anger obvious to anyone who knew the real him behind his outside appearance.
You shrinking when he rolled his shoulders back to you it looked like he was releasing anger to not snap at you and calm himself down but to everyone else it seemed like he was just stretching
" woah — this is actually a really cool notebook “ his voice went low “ y/n did you see this notebook”
‘ did she write anything about you in here —anything at all ‘
you shook your head slightly causing him to skyrocket and land to that space in his head that always pissed him off.
" yeah I use it for all my daily messages—everything my clients say too— it's one of a kind "
" oh really " he laughed at her words laying charm on discreetly knowing it wouldn’t take much " so I wouldn't be able to find it even if I wanted to — that's kinda cool but kinda sucky at the same time "
he smiled as she moved to pick up the book and hold it out to him " n-no you can find it look it's right here in your hands take it please free of charge "
he shook his head " I could never — you said you had stuff in there—your clients private information in —in this book of yours "
" nothing too important—they wouldn’t mind and it also has everything I wrote for y/n in there it’s up to her anyways if you read it so just take it "
he reached out and grabbed the book " see now I have to leave you with something please is there anything you want I mean— "
he looked her dead in the eyes but you could feel every word he said being directed to you " I hate to leave people unsatisfied "
she shook her head before speaking cutely she was completely out of her mind, she’d not only granted kuroo the access to your private health screening but now accepting his money and offer
‘ can fame really allow anyone to break rules ? do people love their stars this much ? ‘
" just — just an autograph would do great " he smiled moving faster than light as he held the notebook moving over to the woman's poster on the wall
" oh I see i'm already up here " he laughed as he grabbed a sharpie off her desk and scribbled his autograph all over his face on the poster " and ta-dah"
she smiled and mumbled out a thank you as he moved to hug her akaashi getting up and walking towards the door this wasn’t how this was suppose to go this was supposed to be the day you got out of their hands out of the industries hands
" thank you so much for what you did today " he said as akaashi moved to speak
" thank you ma'am for your time " the two males moved to the doorway as the lady followed them closely behind to the door to close it when they left
" no problem I have another person coming in soon so I hate to cut this short " she said as her voice came out with meaning
' oh she's talking to me ' you were still sitting there on the couch face to the floor as you hesitated to bring it up to face the two males in front of you
Your hands shaking as your finger played with your clothes again the hem of your dress in between your pointer and thumb
" love , let's go " Akaashi spoke a smile showing through his words your legs locked as you didn't move your lips trembling eyes glazed over but your shades doing you justice and covering them from everyone in the room
Or at least those who didn't know already — those who hadn't been through this already which was only one person here and she wasn't either of the 6"0 tall males that stood across from you
You body jumped as your heard a loud snap travel through the room
' those are his fingers he just snapped at me —like an animal '
you looked up to see kuroo smiling his finger made up in a snap showing he'd done just what you thought he did his hand moving to only one finger pointing to the space next to him his hand low to not pull the ladies attention to his motions
" y/n come over here " his voice was still light but held everything that you knew he meant behind it " we have an interview in 5 minutes "
your legs shook wobbly before standing
your body moving over to the males before walking out the lady smiling before closing the door kuroos grip on your upper arm strong as you three made your way to the black car parked out front as he yanked you in the backseat after him , gnashing his teeth before fixing his suit and tie body scooting over to allow more space. Akaashi scooting in to trap you in the middle kuroo hitting the drivers shoulder two times signaling them to drive
The car was quiet akaashi looking out the window his pointer finger drumming on his pants leg kuroo staring straight ahead at the back of the drivers seat
Your eyes let the tears drop that you held back in the room as kuroos hand swiped at the shades you wore flinging them across the car and straight in between akaashi's feet as he moved to pick them up and grip them tightly in his own hands going back to calmly looking out the window ignoring the scene that was about to take place next to him
" take these fucking glasses off—your not fucking fooling anyone "
your body shook at the action " are you mad—mad at me " you said softly your voice barely a whisper kuroo didn't even have it in him to scoff " I sense i've made a mistake " you kept going
" oh you sense huh " akaashi's voice came out in a short laugh before his mouth closed speaking quietly to himself“ god how can someone be so — so dense and just lack so much —” he sighed “ intelligence “
"your so fucking " kuroos voice came out loud as he gripped his pants in a strong hold
" so so so fucking stupid " he said anger present in his voice trying to put emphasis on his words that were attacking you and shaking you only making it harder to look at either men in the car
" you — I swear on my fucking life — y/n — if you go in here and fuck up — "
he put up one finger " one — one fucking time "
he wanted to make sure you understood
" ill fuck you up y/n I swear — one time that's it that's all do you understand me "
your mouth moved tears moving into it as akaashi spoke for you voice dry he was just so tired of this so tired of the constant yelling and mistreatment you were put through all because you weren’t smart enough as a child to choose a different dream job "trust she gets it — she heard it the first time "
he moved to speak under his breath " she's heard it many times "
the car stopped as kuroo turned to face you his hand cupping your cheeks his pointer on your cheek and thumb on your chin holding you in a death grip making you look at him
" i'm repeating myself because you've shown me your nothing more than a stupid chick who can read a script— so lemme say it one more time " his eyes were hard on yours his face showing no remorse for the painful emotion shown on your face
" if you go in this interview and fuck up once — even so much as take a restroom break to go sniff whatever the fuck mattsukawa had you do last time — i'll fuck you up so bad they'll think your next role is a horror movie and your the fucking monster "
#akaashi x reader#akaashi scenarios#akaashi x you#haikyuu keiji akaashi#akaashi fanfiction#akaashi imagine#akaashi keiji#haikyuu akaashi#akaashi oneshot#hq akaashi#akaashi angst#akaashi headcanons#akaashi x y/n#kuroo headcanons#kuroo x y/n#kuroo angst#kuroo tetsurou#kuroo testuro#kuroo tetsuro x reader#hq kuroo#kuroo x reader#kuroo scenarios#kuroo tetsurō#kuroo imagine#haikyuu kuroo#kuroo x you#kuroo tetsuro fanfiction#kuroo tetsuro angst#haikyuu#haikyuu!!
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Misaeng review
Ok, it's been almost a week, so I feel like I can get my thoughts (somewhat) in order. As usual, I'm late to the party, given that Misaeng aired 6 years ago, and is already considered a kdrama classic. Still: thoughts!
(under the cut)
I came to this drama with quite a lot of expectations, both because I'd seen it on a lot of rec lists, and also because I'd watched director Kim Won-seok's Signal and My Mister, which are justifiably as beloved as Misaeng. I'm happy to report that Misaeng mostly lived up to those expectations!
The writing & direction work together to make Misaeng a very immersive experience, which is good, considering the entire run time is over 20 hrs. The level of seemingly mundane detail of the operational aspects of running a trading firm that they delve into (and other dramas might have avoided for sake of pacing) seemed odd to me at first, but eventually result in a world building that's incredibly well fleshed out. The (formerly unlikely!) high stakes of a misplaced piece of paper or octopuses in a shipment of squid end up being parts of an emotionally wrenching narrative whole fairly seamlessly. Still, at 20+ hours, Misaeng also does get into the kind of pacing issues that most of the slice of life kdramas I've watched so far have. And it didn't need to! I think it had a wonderful ensemble of characters, and if they'd maybe given a little more time and space to characters other than Jang Geu-Rae (Im Si wan) and Oh Sang-sik (Lee Sung-min), the mid portions may not have felt quite so, well, stuck.
But more than the strong writing and direction, it was really the actors who delivered. They made what could have easily been a dull-ish office drama into a heart warming story about human connection and the joys and troubles of leading an "incomplete life". I'd never watched Lee Sung-min in anything before, and about half way through the series I was like, HOW IS HE MAKING A SHORT TEMPERED, ALCHOHOLIC MIDDLE MANAGER SO SEXY? Like, serious props, dude. Lee Sung-min is by turns annoying and brash and too shout-y and stubborn and funny and so incredibly vulnerable as a man trying his best to live by his principles in a world that thinks they are an impediment to "success", that you forget that he's playing a fictional character-- he's someone you know, he's someone you've seen in the mirror.
His performance as Oh Sang-sik is very ably matched by Im Si Wan's Jang Geu-Rae. This series would not have worked if these two actors didn't have the chemistry they do, and play off each other in every scene. I had watched Im Si Wan recently- in JTBC's "Run On", in which I liked his performance quite a lot, but I absolutely loved him as the naive and endearing Jang Geu-rae. Misaeng, is in part, a bildungsroman narrative centered around Jang Geu Rae. Im Si wan brought a kind of vulnerability to the role that might have felt cloying and emotionally manipulative in the hands of other actors, but Im Si-wan manages to do it with a light touch. I feel he's one of those actors that uses his whole body in a scene, not just relying on facial or verbal expression, and it's a joy to watch.
Each of the other actors in the ensemble also bring that dedication and talent to their roles, even if it's in a single scene. There are lots of one-off characters that we meet during the course of the series, and every single one of them leaves an impact.
But! I'm going to pick a fave from the supporting cast and that's Byun Yo-han, whom I'd last watched as the broody, troubled (and very sexy) swordsman Lee Bang-ji in Six Flying Dragons. I can't imagine a character more in opposition to that one than Han Seok-yul in Misaeng, but Byun Yo-han just knocks it out of the park as the scheming, cheerful and mostly inappropriate clown with a heart of gold; Han Seok-yul is the definition of Chaotic Good, and you're equal parts horrified by his antics- which include sexual harassment dont @ me -- and yet charmed by him. I wish they'd given him a few more scenes and a larger plotline to work with, but I also suspect that he might have just walked away with the entire series if they did that. (Am I plotting that series in my head as I write this? MAYBE.)
Alright, this is getting a bit too long, so I'm going to get to the bits that disappointed me. That's really one major thing: the gender politics. I don't know how different the show is from the web toon it's based on, so I can't tell whether they made significant changes to the basic plot and characters. As in- I have no idea if the webtoon was as male dominated in every way as the show is, so I'm not sure how much of the show's treatment of women as a class, and its female characters in particular, I should lay at the door of the original writer vs the screenwriter and director. I'm also lacking the Korean context in which this was written and made and aired, so you may take my criticism with a pinch of salt, if you please!
That the show features mainly male characters is perhaps unsurprising and realistic, since we know that the kind of corporate life it depicts is very male dominated, top to bottom. The show also portrays the very real and horrific overt and subtle misogyny that women face in the workplace and out of it; mainly in the character of Ahn Young-yi, played with steely determination and quiet suffering by the lovely Kang so-ra. There are only 3 other female characters that have any sort of real speaking role- Sun Ji Young (played by Shin Eun jung), a senior manager at the company, Jang Geu-rae's unnamed(!) mother (played by the amazing Sung Byoung-Sook) and Oh Sang-sik's unnamed (!) wife (played by Oh Yoon-Hong, who's a delight in every tiny scene she has). There are other women who appear but in very minor roles, and often in "comedy" moments that often rely on sexist tropes to start with.
Anyway, right there you can see one of the problems- 4 women characters that have any kind of real screen time, and only 2 of them are named. Aigoo! Screenwriter Jung Yoon-jung is a woman, and like, I don't like putting the burden on any one woman to y'know fix structural misogyny, but I can't also help feeling disappointed that she overlooked even this "small" thing among the larger things.
But that apart, the main issue for me was that while the show doesn't shy away from depicting egregious sexism in the form of sexual harrassment, verbal and physical and certainly emotional abuse, in a manner that's clear that we are meant to be horrified by it--it falls short of depicting how women deal and work with it. It just doesn't give enough space to women or their worldview.
It's very comfortable depicting victimhood, but doesn't put work into depicting the ways in which women survive by finding solidarity with other women. We have a scene or two where Ahn Young-yi who is this show's poster child for female victimhood interacts with the older women who offer sympathy and understanding, but no real strategy or support. And yes, we see men also being targeted by their seniors for the grossest verbal and physical abuse; and it's men who help Ahn Young-yi strategise on how to deal with her situation. Real life experience tells me that it's the women who do this work for other women. I have certainly been on both sides of this equation, for one, and so has every woman that I know in corporate life. And yes, one of the show's core philosophies is that those who endure, survive--but it is none the less extremely painful to watch Ahn Young yi "endure" the kind of abuse she does as a coping strategy and a survival strategy.
At the end of it, when she slowly manages to gain the support of her sexist team, it's shown as a victory-- though naturally imperfect, because this show takes its Realism very seriously (right until the end where it makes a tonal shift into quirky that I was a little ?? about)-- and y'know, sure, it is a victory. And I absolutely understand the choices she makes and why she does it-- I guess I just got annoyed by the fact that other antagonistic figures in the narrative get a more straightforward comeuppance for their egregious behavior, but Ahn Young-yi doesn't even get a goddamned apology from her abusers. Instead, we have a half humourous, half serious moment where she comments on how she's working at turning herself into "someone cute"- because she understands now that sometimes the right strategy is to "go with the flow". Be the water that slowly wears away at the rock. It's an interesting moment- the men she tells this to are taken aback by her bluntness, but also a little clueless about what she means. It's the kind of nuance that I would and do enjoy. Unfortunately, it also closely follows one of the show's most annoying scenes at the tail end of the series- where it tries to play off workplace sexism and misogyny as comedy- boys being boys-Reader, when I tell you that I had to WORK to unclench my jaw--!
I'm not saying we should have a single and obvious narrative of female emancipation. I'm not against realism in fiction, but god, sometimes, please do remember that when we look for escapism, we are actually imagining a better world. The first step toward liberation is allowing yourself to imagine it.
And the show does allow other characters its moments of unfettered fantasy- Im Si Wan parkour-ing all over the rooftops of Amman- and having a semi mystical + Indiana Jones moment in the deserts of Jordan--so why, I ask, are the women not given that gift?
*looks into the camera *
Tl;dr: I enjoyed it, it made me cry every episode, and I cared about all the characters, and if you haven't watched it yet, treat yourselves.
PS. Yes, Han Seok-yul is a disaster bi, sorry, I don't make the rules. Yes, hotties Oh Min Seok and Kang Ha-neul are canonically naked in a hot tub six feet apart because they are bros. Yes, I will be writing the fix it in which they fuck like angry bunnies. Yes, I am going to put my shipper cooties all over this gen slice of life show, deal with it.
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BLACK CAT
Jack laughed as he strode down the sidewalk with his sister Emma. They'd had a normal day of school and the chilly october breeze whirled leaves all around. Emma giggled as she bounced into a pile of leaves playfully before jogging back next to her brother.
Jack pulled out his wallet and hummed.
"Ready for some pumpkin ice cream to celebrate you getting an A on your math test?"
Emma twirled and bounced.
"Yes yes yes! Its pumpkin season! Woohoo!"
Jack smiled as he kept walking with her until they both heard a piercing screech from a nearby alleyway. Emma hid behind her brother instinctively with a frown.
"What was that...?"
Jack frowned and paused also.
"The heck...? Hey, stay here. I'll check it out."
"Be careful, Jack..."
The brown haired boy cautiously walked over to the alley entrance. The closer he got to the commotion the worse he heard. A sniggering voice babbled while a few others laughed.
"Let's glue its tail to its back!"
Another voice chimed.
"No, let's pour the glue in its ears!"
Jack rushed forwards to see three male teens a few years older than him had trapped a black cat in a broken cage. They were harrassing it terribly and one of the boys had a bottle of super glue in his hand. Jack couldn't bear what was about to happen.
He yelled and rushed forwards, slamming into the kid with the glue and it crashed onto the ground.
"Leave the cat alone, you assholes!"
Flustered, all the teens watched as Jack threw himself between them.
"The hell?! Go away if you know what's good for you, punk!"
"It's just a stupid cat! Mind your own business!"
Jack growled angrily.
"Leave it alone!"
The tallest teen hissed.
"Get him!"
Jack's eyes widened and he turned around to shield the cat with his body as all the bullies began to wail on him. Jack took the blows and winced, cringing with every kick and punch until they got bored. They left and Jack slowly sat up. His body ached and stung all over. But the cat was alright. That was what mattered.
"H-Hey...its ok little fella...they're gone. Here, lemme get you out of there."
Slowly but surely Jack pried some of the cage wiring back enough for the cat to yank out of it. The feline rushed a few feet away but turned around and stared back at him confused. After a minute it ran away and Jack sighed. He stood and walked back out to Emma.
"Hey, sorry to keep you waiting."
Emma hugged him and he yelped.
"What happened?!"
"Oh, just had to save a cat from these jerks. You know, cool hero stuff~ Now let's go get you some ice cream!"
Emma nodded and they walked off to the ice cream shop.
The next morning Jack awoke much sorer and groaned. He tried to sit up until he saw something at the end of his bed. He rubbed his eyes and blinked. It was the same black cat he saved yesterday. He startled and jerked back, hitting his head on his bedboard. He squeaked and held it.
"Ow! Fuck-!"
The cat merely watched him curiously and calmly, swishing its tail. Jack saw it had such bright gold eyes that stared deeply and intently, but they meant no harm.
"What are you doing here? How did you even get inside my house?"
The cat stayed silent and still. Jack blinked and groaned.
"Alright you gotta go. Come on."
He slowly got out of bed and reached for the cat, but it jumped away from him onto the floor with a chirp. Emma came through the door and gasped when she saw the cat.
"Jack lets go, we're gonna be late for the movie--! Is that the cat?! It's so cuuute!!!"
Surprisingly the cat seemed content with Emma picking it up and hugging it.
"Yeah, but its gotta go. And so do we. Come on then."
He gets dressed and goes with her downstairs to the front door. They walk out and stroll down the sidewalk into town. Suddenly the cat begins to squirm and meow. Emma frowned.
"Huh, whats wrong kitty?"
It jumps down from her arms and meows at them loudly. It rushes forwards and turns around constantly to see if they are following.
"It wants us to follow it!"
Jack shrugged.
"Emma if we go that way, we'll be late for the movie."
She pouted and looked back at him.
"No we wont, come on!"
Jack sighed and followed along. The cat leads them down to the end of the block and stops in front of a black oranate metal doorway with golden painted etchings all over. The cat pushed the door open and ran inside. Emma giggled and followed.
"Wait kitty!"
Jack looked more concerned now, not wanting his sister to rush into someplace dangerous.
"Emma, wait, stop!"
He went in after her and slowed down, seeing all sorts of whacky looking artifacts and trinkets everywhere. The place was only illuminated by candles and everything was mostly the colors of black and gold. Jack was relieved to see Emma staring into an beautiful crystal ball on top of a round table in the middle of the room.
"This place is so cool, Jack!"
Jack walked over to her and kept eyeing around the room.
"Uh, yeah, but it's also a bit creepy. Never too early for Halloween I guess. Where's the cat?"
"I dunno. I lost it. Maybe it lives here! We brought it back home, yay!"
Jack gently nudged her.
"Alright, now lets get back to the movie, huh?"
Emma sighed.
"Aww but I like this place!"
Just that moment a tall man stepped out from behind a drapery of black velvet curtains. Jack gasped and instinctively stepped in front of his sister to protect her if need be. The man was lithe and draped in a gorgeous black silk robe with delicate golden lace all over the neck and arms. He also wore a sparkling golden feathery boa around his neck. His hair was ebony black and his eyes glinted gold in the candle light.
"Good afternoon, children~ How may I be of service?"
Jack felt oddly uneasy about this man and forced a smile.
"O-Oh no, we're sorry to intrude. We were just leaving, really--"
The man tisked his tongue and chuckled.
"It's no bother at all~ Im always happy to have guests. My name is Pitch and I am a fortune teller by trade."
Emma gasped and squealed.
"Really?! Jack, let's get our fortunes told! Pleeeease!"
Jack eyed her.
"But I thought you wanted to see the Perfect Princess Ponypal movie?"
"We can see it next week! Please please please!"
Jack sighed and smiled a little. He couldn't say no to her.
"Ok ok, we can. How much is it?"
Pitch smiled and motioned to the table.
"For you two, I'll make it free. Come, sit."
Pitch sat across the table from Emma and Jack. Jack sat and watched as the man sprinkled some golden powder over the crystal ball. It began to swirl around in various colors.
"Now then. Who's fortune shall we tell?"
Emma piped up.
"Jack's!"
Jack rolled his eyes and laughed a little. Pitch nodded with a smile.
"Very well~ Now let's see. Your aura is a beautiful snowy white, my boy. How interesting indeed."
Jack watched Pitch carress the crystal ball with his finger tips and the coloring inside turned all sparkling white.
"Woah, that's cool. What does it mean?"
"You put on a tough exterior show, but deep down you are as soft as the first snowfall in winter."
Jack flustered a tad.
"Eheh, yeah ok. Sure."
Pitch smiled and eyed the young teen curiously.
"I'd like to read your palms, if you'll allow."
"Uh, sure."
Jack held out his right hand. Pitch gently took it im his own and began to trace some lines softly.
"Very interesting. You're going to live a very long fulfilling life it seems. You have untold strength and destiny awaiting you."
Jack laughed a little, not believing it because fortune tellers were always just cheap parlor tricks and observation.
"Wow. Who knew."
Pitch smiled and looked directly at him.
"Give me that ring on your necklace."
Jack's blood froze. It was a gift from his departed mother. He hesitated.
"I...uhm...ok."
He slowly took it off and handed it over. Pitch accepted it and gazed for a minute quietly.
"Fascinating..."
Jack eyed him oddly.
"What?"
"This ring is a treasured memory of yours. From your mother, yes?"
Jack felt a lump in his throat and uneasyness in his stomach. How could he have possibly known that? Unless he'd been spying on them somehow. Was it something to do with that cat? No, that's crazy...
Jack held his hand out urgently, not comfortable being there anymore.
"Uh, thanks, but I just remembered we have things we need to do at home."
Jack took back the ring and stood, grabbing Emma's arm and tugging. She groaned in upset and confusion.
"Jaaack, no we dont-!"
He interrupted her sharply.
"Yes, we really do. Come on, we need to go now."
Pitch stood and eyed Jack with his own sense of unease.
"Jack, please, I didn't mean any harm."
Jack didn't answer. He knew this felt like a bad idea. Just as Jack got to the door, it suddenly locked itself. Jack's eyes widened in fear as he grabbed and yanked at the handle.
"W-What the hell-?! Unlock this door right--"
Jack whirled around, but Pitch was right behind him. It was a split second before Jack felt Pitch's hand on his head. Instantly Jack slipped into a deep sleep.
When the boy awoke he realized he was still in Pitch's home. He jerked up and looked around frantically. Why did he feel so cold? He jumped up off the bed and paused. Why wasn't he feeling sore from his injuries? In fact, he felt better than ever before, like a new energy was flowing through him.
No, he needed to find his sister. Who knows what awful things that creep could have done to her. He rushed out from the small bedroom area and down the stairs into what appeared to be the kitchen. He saw Pitch cooking some eggs and growled.
"Where is Emma?! What did you do to her, you sick bastard!?"
Pitch blinked and glanced over his shoulder.
"Oh good, you're awake! Now we can get start--"
Jack lunged and slammed into Pitch, shoving him down to the ground. The teen grasped his hands around Pitch's neck and began to choke him with a strength he never knew he had. Pitch tried to pull the boy's hands off, but he wasn't as strong.
"What did you to her?!"
Pitch rasped out.
"Sh..She's f-fine!!! Home, a-at your ho--me!"
Jack began to see frost and ice crystalize its way around Pitch's neck and face as he choked him. He suddenly let him go and backed away in fear.
"W-What the hell-!? What was that?!"
Pitch coughed and gasped for air, clutching his neck. He wheezed and eyed the teen cautiously as he rasped.
"Look...L-Look..."
Jack seemed confused until Pitch pointed frantically at a huge wall length mirror nearby. Jack glanced up and then did a double take with horrified eyes. He slowly walked over in mortified shock. His eyes were blue now and his hair was white as snow, instead of both being his normal brown.
"What did you do to me-!? I--I--! Where's Emma--the stupid fucking cat-?!"
Pitch stood up and slowly approached.
"Jack, I am the cat. Im just repaying you for saving me in the alleyway."
#blackicerotg#blackice#rotg#riseoftheguardians#pitch black#pitchblack#rotg jack frost#jackfrost#rise of the guardians#halloween#black cat#rotg pitch black
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Give me your romance drama recs / drama update
I’m in the mood for a romance drama but am kind of stumped on what I should watch, so PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR RECS! It can be kdrama, jdrama, cdrama (just maybe not contemporary cdrama since those really aren’t my bag), whatever. Or even a period English piece. I’m watching Do You Like Brahms? and really enjoying that so I wouldn’t mind something similar. Of course, I am also down for something more adult/steamy. Dysfunction is fine but it needs to have a happy ending. I guess I’m feeling kind of sappy. The key is that I want to swoon/feel those butterflies.
To kind of give you an idea of what I’ve watched/am watching:
Currently Watching
Do You Like Brahms? - LOVE LOVE LOVE. Slice of life and sweet romance done right. When Song Ah and Joon Young smile at each other, I smile along with them. Adorable and sweet without being twee. An undercurrent of melancholy without being morose/a kill joy.
My Beautiful Bride - I’m loving this and highly recommend it for anyone who likes thrills, action, and a HOT male lead single-mindedly devoted to his otp, who will go to the ends of the earth to be with her. He literally lives only to make his otp happy. While his love for her is what drives the plot of the story, this isn’t necessarily a romance drama. I mean, sure, I swoon and my heart flutters when I see him beat a group of gangsters to a bloody pulp with nothing but his fists and a key. And trust me when I say my hormones rage like crazy whenever he’s onscreen. But I’m looking for a more ordinary kind of love story to add to my roster of dramas. My Beautiful Bride is like two straight shots of the strongest whiskey in a shady dive bar - it’s intense, exciting, and totally gets me amped up. However, sometimes I need a break from the Johnnie Walker and slight sense of danger and want a nice, soothing, cup of warm tea instead.
Cruel City/Heartless City - So I know I just said I needed to mellow out my current watch list but I just LOVE this drama. It’s got a great otp but again, its main focus is not romance. Although, it does have one of the hottest kiss scenes in recent years. If you thought Jung Kyung Ho was nothing but a lanky, beta, weenie, this drama will totally change your mind. Plus, this is a re-watch so I don’t have to pay attention to everything.
Finished
Flower of Evil - I fully expected to not like this drama before it started because of the terribly misleading promos. The only reason I checked it out was because I liked Moon Chae Won and Lee Jun Ki. And boy am I glad I did! I love me a devoted otp who also stop to take the time to make out. The way Ji Won saved Hyun Su by just being herself and loving him and the way Hyun Su devotes his entire life to taking care of Ji Won and being a good husband to her - *chef’s kiss*. OH, also, Kim Ji Hoon’s glorious long hair.
My Unfamiliar Family - I don’t usually watch family dramas, but this was a nice little surprise. The romance was sweet. The healing family trauma aspect was heartwarming and done very well. Not overwrought at all. Some of the red herrings/misleading endings threw me a loop but overall, I enjoyed how they resolved the misunderstandings and conflict. The re-discovery of love between the parents was nice to watch. Really easy and enjoyable watch with a great slowburn friends to lovers pairing. I identified with the female lead a bit too much sometimes heh. Fun fact: The actor playing the dad also played the king in The King and the Clown who was obsessed with Lee Jun Ki’s character.
Dropped
When I Was the Most Beautiful / When I Was the Prettiest - This drama was so disappointing, it kind of upset me to be honest. The first two episodes started off so promising. My early 2000s dysfunctional jdrama with questionable teacher/student relationships loving ass thought I was finally getting a return to the good ol’ days (before anyone says anything, no, I do not condone teacher/student relationships in real life). I mean, they had Ji Soo, the king of playing high school students with impossible one-sided crushes who you want to root for, playing a high school student with a one-sided crush on his art student-teacher. We also had renowned hottie Ha Suk Jin playing his older brother and Im Soo Hyang playing the woman in between the two hot brothers. It had all the makings of a wonderful throwback to the old school dramas. But instead, we got stuck with whatever the hell this drama is. Anyway, disappointing!
The Merchant: Gaekju - I love Jang Hyuk. I love sageuks. I love Jang Hyuk in sageuks. But this story just wasn’t working for me and there was not enough shirtless Jang Hyuk to keep my attention.
Kinda Watching On/Off
Me Too, Flower! - An old drama that I randomly picked up because I wanted to watch something with Yoon Shi Yoon. I am only watching this because of the Yoon Shi Yoon-Lee Ji Ah pairing because frankly, the rest of the drama kinda bores me. Something I put on after work when I don’t want to be too involved/don’t need to concentrate too much.
Angry Mom - I started re-watching portions of this drama because of how pissed off I was about When I Was the Most Beautiful and the disappointment I felt when I foudn out Kim Hee Sun was playing Joo Won’s mom instead of lover in Alice (although from the looks of the posts in the tag, maybe she’s gonna be both? hahaha). This is Ji Soo’s break out role and for good reason. His crush on Kim Hee Sun’s undercover high school student mom is adorable and not creepy at all because (1) He doesn’t know she’s an ahjumma (a bit of suspension of disbelief is required for this drama because no matter how great KHS looks, high school student she is not); and (2) it’s completely one-sided and not reciprocated by KHS at all. Sigh, I just want to watch KHS in a hot noona romance and Ji Soo in a good romance where (1) he gets the girl and (2) the plot is not completely asinine.
Stopped Watching but Really Need to Return to
Ever Night S1 - Ok, I literally have less than 10 episodes left of this drama but for some reason I keep on putting it off. I have a real problem finishing dramas I love. Aside from the fact that I get easily distracted and hop from one drama to the next quite often, I think it’s also because I don’t want the drama to end. I know there’s a second season, but it just doesn’t seem the same. Anyway, I should just buck up and finish this drama already.
Novoland Eagle Flag - I took a break because the angst was just non-stop and I needed something a bit lighter.
Six Flying Dragons - I binged like 10 episodes one day and took a break to give my poor eyes and brain a rest. Then, in true me fashion, I got distracted by some other drama and now I can’t remember where I left off.
Mr. Sunshine - I love Lee Byung Hun as an actor and I am also a big fan of Byun Yo Han. This is also the hottest Yoo Yeon Suk has ever looked to me. But I kind of lost interest when it became apparent that all three male leads were going to be in love with the female lead. I like the female lead just fine but it’s kind of annoying how everybody is in love with her. I know this is a quality drama but honestly, I don’t think I will return to this unless I have nothing more interesting to watch.
#drama update#drama recs#do you like brahms?#my beautiful bride#cruel city#flower of evil#my unfamiliar family#when I was the most beautiful#the merchant gaekju#me too flower#angry mom#ever night#novoland eagle flag#six flying dragons#mr. sunshine#kdrama
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Caught part two
"You know, we agreed to tell everyone like a week ago right?" Peter said. Currently both Tony and him were sitting on the couch. Star wars empire strikes back playing on the tv.
Peters back was pressed against Tonys chest. His head titled and laying on his shoulder. The older man arms wrapped around Peters stomach.
Peter traced small patterns into Tonys thigh, shapes and letters.
"Mh." Which was Peters green light to continue.
"I want to tell aunt May," the shapes and letters stopped. Peter waited for Tonys response. When none came Peter grew tense.
Finally after a minute Tony sighed. He raised one arm from it position wrapped around the young male, and tangled his fingers in Peters hair.
"Alright," he replied. "Just." He cut himself off. When he didn't continue Peter sat up. Turning around to be faceing towards the billionaire. Placing a palm on his cheek. Tony wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Hey look at me. What is it?"
Tony closed his eyes, breathed deeply and looked at him. Peter saw anguish on Tonys face. Reaching up the man placed his hand on Peters. Rubbing his thumb across smooth skin.
"Just please no matter what anyone says. Please stay."
Peter gave a small smile. "Of course I'll stay. I love you. I don't care what anyone says."
"People are gonna say some cruel things. To me, to you about us. I just can't lose you." Tony pulled Peters arm, causing him to tumble forward into Tonys chest. His cheek pressed against the arc reactor. Arms holding him tightly.
"I can't. I refuse to lose you." Tony said, his chin resting against Peters head. Peters heart clenched at the words. Knowing Tony meant them.
"Your not gonna lose me." Peter whispered. Not knowing what else to say. For the rest of the night both of them laid together. Wrapped around each other.
******
Right now the only thing on Peters mind was "oh god why did I think this was a good idea."
He currently sat in the apartment he shared with his aunt. Both of his friends Ned and MJ both sat on the floor. His aunt sitting beside him on the old couch.
Peter thought telling them about his sexuality was hard. Telling them he's dating a man 5 times his age is gonna be tourtue.
For some reason he decided telling them all at once would be easier. Now that they were all here he's having second thoughts.
"Peter, what did you want to tell us? It sounded important." His aunt finally cut the silence. Reminding him that they've been sitting there, not saying a thing for five minutes.
Clearing his throat Peter began.
"So, I um...well I'm seeing someone." All of their faces lit up. Congratulations on the tip of their tongues. Until he continued. "But. He's older."
Aunt May narrowed her eyes, "how much older?"
"Um a lot older."
"How old is he?" Ned asked.
"Better question what's his name?" Mj asked.
Peter bit his lip and wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. For the 7th time that afternoon. Here goes nothing.
"I'm dating Tony Stark." He looked at the floor. Not wanting to see everyone reactions. His leg started jumping up and down without him even noticing.
The first person to respond was Ned.
"That's so cool! Is that how you got all that new stuff? Like your phone. Wait can you get me a new phone?"
Peter looked up at Ned bewildered. "What? No. I mean yes. That is how I got it. But no I'm not gonna get you a new phone. He's not my sugar daddy. He's my boyfriend."
"I don't know. Sounds kinda like a sugar daddy to me." Mj said. Smirking at Peter.
Peter rolled his eyes. "He's not my sugar daddy. Yes he's given me a few things."
Ned cut him off, "a phone, numerous new Spider-Man suits and Spider-Man equipment. A new laptop, name brand shirts and pants.."
"Okay I get it." Mj and Ned laugh. At the moment Peters anxiety was almost forgotten. Almost.
"Peter you," May spoke, " I....peter..hes...I don't know what to say."
Peter finally looked over to his Aunt. He smiled at her. " I found someone. And I don't expect you to understand why but I love him. And the only reason I'm telling you is because it's gonna come out. He's being watched by many people with cameras. I'd rather it come from me. Not from a YouTuber."
May sighed. "I don't understand. But I will try, for you." She lifted her arms. "Come here." Peter didn't hesitate to throw himself into her arms. He knew she had her doubts. But he also knew it was only because she loved him. And she didn't want to see him get hurt.
The rest of the day was spent with his two best friends and his Aunt. Along with a few sugar daddy comments and a request for an island. All things considered it went well. It's gonna take awhile to convince aunt may that the relationship was real. But they'll get there.
*******
Tony was in the avenger compound. Everyone was there. Even Thor showed up. He believed Steve had something to do with it. Cause when Tony told everyone he wanted to talk, Steve was the first one he told about it.
" Alright tones. Why did you bring us all here?" Rhodey asked.
"I'm dating Peter Parker. Steve thought I should tell you all." Tony stood up. "Alright I told you. Bye."
"Hey! No. You don't just hit us with that and walk away." Rhodey said. Blocking his way out.
Tony sighed. He hoped he could make a quick escape. Guess that's out of the question.
"Wait, you mean Peter Parker 18 year old kid? Peter Parker as in spiderman?" Sam Wilson asked. With an raised eyebrow.
"Yes that Peter Parker."
"How old are you agian?" Sam asked.
"His age is not a problem. Mr, Parker is of legal age." Vision answered.
"Then I congratulate the man of iron! On his courtship with the spiderman!" Thor said patting Tony on the shoulder. After he's moved away Tony thanked him and rubbed his shoulder. Hoping it didn't bruise.
"Thats not the point. Tonys in his 40s. The kids 18." Rhodey said.
"Which by law is legal. For once I'm not breaking any laws. You should be giving me a metal." Tony said.
Rhodey looked at him unimpressed.
"Seriously none of you knew?" Natalia asked. Everyone turned to look at her.
"Yeah. It was obvious." Barton said.
Now everyone looked at him.
"Wait you two knew?" Steve finally said.
"Of course. Peter follows him around like a lost puppy. Truly I'm surprised Tony hasn't kissed the ground Peter walks on. And not to mention all the moping either of them do when the other isn't around. " Natalia concluded.
"I had my suspetions but i knew for sure because Natalia told me." Barton said.
"Well then. I told you and you all seem pretty chill about it. For the most part. I have a reservation a 5 and a boyfriend to pick up. So I'm gonna leave." Tony said backing up towards the door.
"Hey hey hey, tones this conversation isn't over. And I might not agree with the age difference but..im happy for you. You deserve something good in your life." Rhodey said.
Tony thanked him and turned back to the door. Stopping when he heard Bruce's voice.
"Hey Tony, now that your out and all. I'd rather not have another incident like in the lab a week ago. So can you keep the PDA to a down low?"
Tony looked over his shoulder and smirked. He didn't say anything he just left.
"Ya that was a no." Steve said patting Bruce on the shoulder apologetically.
****
As soon as Peter entered the car he started firing question after question.
"Did you do it? Did you tell them? How did they take it? What did they say? Was anyone grossed out by it?"
Tony smiled at his rambling and put an arm around his waist. Pulling him into Tonys side.
"Hush. One question at a time."
"How did they take it?"
"Well Natalia and Barton already knew. They figured it out cause apparently we aren't to subtle. Rhodey and Sam aren't to happy about the age difference. But they'll come around. Thor is....Thor. And vision....was unclear. He just said facts. He knows your legal and that's all he cares about. What about on your end?" Tony finished.
Peter smiled. "Ned is thrilled. Mj is convinced your my sugar daddy. She wants an island by the way and aunt May is kinda in the same boat as Rhodey. But as you said she'll come around." Peter said smiling widely. Turning in the small space of the back of Tonys car.
Tony laughed. " She wants an island? If your my sugar baby, why would I get her an island?"
"Cause she's my friend and you know if I asked you to, you would."
Tony hummed and placed his hand on the back of Peters neck. Caressing the skin there with his thumb. Peter leaned into the touch. As he always does and closed his eyes.
"Don't," Peter said. "you know where that thought will lead and we'll never make it to restaurant."
"I wasn't think anything."
Peter opened his eyes and playfully glared. Making Tony smile. "Okay, I was definitely thinking something."
Peter laughed and pressed his lips to Tonys. What was only suppose to be a peck ended up becoming a heated make out when Peter tryed pulling away and Tony pulled him back.
"I love you." Tony whisperes when they pulled away for air. His hand on Peters cheek and their foreheads together. Both of them out of breath.
Peter smiled. "I love you too."
Long story short they never made it to the restaurant.
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Bae Jinyoung - Jealousy
Requested By: @theperfect-rose ( “ahhh im so happy you're taking requests again! uwu~ so can i request a jinyoung one shot? the iconic jealous best friend scenario,,, fluff please~💖”)
Genre: Fluff but with some angst for good measure~
Note: Writing for Jinyoung is always a challenge for me, but it’s also a lot of fun. This one is a bit of an emotional roller coaster, but I hope that you all like it ;__; Please enjoy and let me know what you think~ ^^
[ Masterlist ] [ Upcoming Stories ]
- goodnightkisseu’s admin <3
A deep breath left Jinyoung’s lops for the third time that morning since he left his house. He had rehearsed what he would say over a hundred times, trying to not make it sound to robotic when the words finally flowed from his lips. His mind had mapped out every possible scenario that could have played out, from the things that you were most likely to say to the things he was going to fumble on. He was ready. Today was going to be the day.
Today, he was going to confess to you.
Honestly, Jinyoung never thought that your friendship would ever end up at this crossroad. The two of you had known each other since you started middle school and he was pretty sure that, to him, you would always be the girl that took a bucket of water for him because his friends had poor aim. That you would always be the girl that eat too many melon breads during lunch and felt sick when you got home. He never thought of you becoming more than just his best friend. But that all changed when you entered high school. Jinyoung wasn’t sure how it happened, but he became more protective of you, took better care of you, watched over you to the point where one of his male friends said, ‘just date her already.’ Yet as soon as those words were put out into the universe, Jinyoung really did wonder why he wasn’t dating you. The idea had never crossed his mind before, but he had to admit that his attitude towards you had changed. Though he valued your friendship greatly, there were times when, late at night, he yearned for more. And it almost felt right for the two of you to be together. It was a cliché thought, but he just… felt it.
Granted, it seemed like he was the first to realize how your relationship had changed, and it definitely made things a bit awkward at times. He sometimes have to pretend that he wasn’t just staring at you because he thought you looked cute. He had to make up some excuse about how you had something on your face or that you had a booger hanging from your nose. Jinyoung had to pretend like he wasn’t excited to see you every morning, much like today, when the two of you would walk to school together. He had to remain as aloof as he could, pretend as much as he could, but lately, it was getting harder.
Being best friends also meant that you both talked about people that you liked. From Jinyoung’s side it was just picking a random girl at the school and saying that he might be interested, because he really wasn’t, yet he didn’t want to make it obvious that he liked you. However, on your end, you were being truthful and honestly, Jinyoung found himself getting a bit jealous at the way that you talked about the guys you had liked. Some had been his friends, but they already knew you were off limits, so it was unlikely that they would try something. But others… others he didn’t know as well and he was worried that he would lose his chance with you. So, not wanting to leave anything else up to chance, he decided to let his feelings be known. In his eyes, there were no points of failure in his confession. He couldn’t guarantee that you would say yes, but he could say that he would do it earnestly, and at least that part would be perfect.
That was, until everything wasn’t perfect.
Jinyoung had entered your building like he did every morning, greeting the older gentleman that watched the lobby before he headed up the elevator. As soon as he got off of the elevator, he rounded a corner and saw you. He couldn’t help the feeling of happiness that washed over him like it usually did. Just seeing you really brightened up his day. Yet, in an instant, it was replaced with a feeling of dread.
That morning, you weren’t alone like you usually were, just lounging around in the hallway waiting for him. Today, you were chatting with Euiwoong, another student that also happened to attend the same school. He was a year younger than the two of you, as well as your next door neighbor. Jinyoung had no idea that the two of you even knew each other. You had never mentioned to him that you had befriended Euiwoong, even if it made sense because you lived so close to each other. He was in a bit of shock.
The feeling of shock, however, was soon replaced by a wave of jealousy. Jinyoung had become upset. Not with you, but with himself. On the day that he finally decided to tell you how he felt, when he was finally ready to let his emotions run free, you were happily talking to another guy, as if the things he had to say were the funniest in the universe. And soon, envy towards Euiwoong was started to build up. Why couldn’t you laugh so effortlessly with him? You always told him that he was no fun, too serious. Was… it really true after all?
Though, underneath all of these ugly feelings was also a sense of sadness, he feeling of getting his heart broken. You looked so happy with him, and Jinyoung… could he ever make you that happy? He always thought the two of you had a connection, but you had never laughed like that unless he did something dumb. Maybe… maybe best friends weren’t meant to be together after all…
Still, even though every single emotion seemed to be coursing through his vains in that moment, the ones that won out, unsurprisingly, were anger and jealousy. In a huff he trudged towards you and Euiwoong to get you for school, but honestly, he probably wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around that morning…
========
“Jinyoung, yah, Bae Jinyoung. Wait up, would you? Hey, tell me what’s wrong,” you urged as you tried to match your strides with your best friend’s. However, his legs were much longer than yours and you had to speed walk to keep up with him. He had been acting a bit off all morning. When you were on the way to school he practically ignored you the entire time. In class he talked with all of his other friends except for you. You were basically getting the cold shoulder and you had no idea why. Obviously something was up.
Truthfully, you had noticed your relationship and attitude towards Jinyoung changing over this last year. When you were much younger, if he had ignored you like he was now, you would have just huffed and walked off, not wanting to deal with his tantrum by throwing one of your own. But now… things were a little different. You found yourself yearning for his approval. You wanted him to only you sometimes, to give you his attention. It was hard to pinpoint when you started seeing your best friend as more than just your best friend, but it had happened. You wanted him to be more than just the guy that walked with you to school or else you’d be late. You wanted him to be more than just that guy that waited around after school for you to finish your club activities. You wanted him to be your boyfriend, and you his girlfriend.
Though all well and good, you couldn’t quite read how Jinyoung felt about you. There were definitely times that you caught him staring, caught him looking at you as more than just a friend. Yet, when you hinted at it, in hopes that it would get him to drop his guard and just admit it, he offered instead to act aloof about it, and it was driving you a bit nuts. Granted, you’d much rather aloof Jinyoung than whatever you had now. He seemed upset with you for some unknown reason, but you couldn’t help but be a bit sad. After all, how could you fix something that you didn’t know happened to begin with?
“It’s nothing,” he muttered dismissively as he continued to walk two steps ahead of you, making his way up a set of stairs that would eventually lead to the roof of the building. He couldn’t help but feel frustrated. He had it all planned out… and then he had to see that.
To your luck, a large group of students were making their way down the next set of stairs so you found yourselves stopped in the hallway. You were finally able to steady your breath in that moment, thank goodness. “Jinyoung, don’t pull that with me. I know you better than anyone, and you know me better than anyone. So tell me what’s wrong…”
Jinyoung couldn’t help but scoff, which he saw perplexed you. He couldn’t help that he was acting unreasonably right. He was just so upset. Still, he knew better than to cause a commotion in the middle of a hallway where other students could eavesdrop and gossip. He waited until the students cleared and continued on his path to the roof, making sure that you were behind him. When the two of you reached your destination, and he took a look around to make sure that no one else was there, that you had the privacy you needed, before he turned to you.
“I know you better than anyone, huh? Really? Are you sure that title doesn’t belong to Euiwoong?” he asked, his tone condescending.
You didn’t like being talked to like that, not even by Jinyoung, and whether he knew it or not, you were growing more upset by the minute. Sure, his words were accusatory, and that hurt you a bit as well, but you were just… you would fight back if you had to. “Euiwoong? What does Euiwoongie have anything to do with the way you’re acting?” you shot back.
Oh, that hit a nerve. “Ohhhhh you call him Euiwoongie now, do you? I guess the two of you had gotten closer than I expected. Is it a new budding romance?”
“A new, wait, what? Jinyoung, where is this coming from?!” you yelled. To say you were upset was an understatement. You could understand him being angry about you eating the last of his food, or about you not coming to get him to go to the store. But right now, he was accusing you of spending time with someone, of seeing someone that you didn’t even know that well. And all because, what, the two of you happened to be talking that morning? Did Jinyoung realize how ridiculous this was? What kind of person did he think you were?
“You don’t have to lie to me if you like him, you know. You don’t have to be all sly about it. I would just appreciate you not playing around with my heart in the process. I really liked you, and I thought that you might have liked me back. But at the end of the day I guess you like the boy next door more,” Jinyoung replied not really thinking of his words. He had his back turned to you now, so he hadn’t seen you shaking at what he had said.
“You jerk, I don’t like him, I like you!” you practically screamed, you emotions getting the better of you and the tears threatening to let loose. He was accusing you of so many things and it was all so hurtful. And yet, you still, you still liked him. Why couldn’t he just see that?
Your words took Jinyoung by surprise. He was expecting you to admit that you liked Euiwoong over him, that yes, the two of you were thinking of dating. He had expected all of those things. He wasn’t expecting you to say that you liked him. Quickly, Jinyoung turned around on the spot and that was when he saw you. Your face was red, your eyes were welling up with tears, and in that moment, all of his anger and jealousy washed away. He realized that he had screwed up, and now all he cared about was making you feel better, for making up for yelling at you. Full of concern, Jinyoung was back at your side in a split second, pulling your face into his hands so that he could wipe away the tears. He never meant to make you cry. That wasn’t the purpose of his words at all. Ah, why was he like this?
You wanted to push Jinyoung away, you really did, but you couldn’t. His presence was comforting and though he had every intention of wiping away your tears, more flowed in the process. “I don’t like Euiwoong,” you said through your tears, waiting for them to subside before you could continue. “We don’t even know each other that well. I was talking to him this morning because he was asking me about how to approach someone he liked. I was telling him that I had no idea because I couldn’t even tell you that I liked you…”
“Why didn’t you just tell me that was what happened?” he asked, a pout forming on his lips as he tried to hold back his own tears. His emotions were as much on the fritz as yours. And plus, seeing you cry always had a way of making him want to cry too.
“I didn’t know why you were mad at me, so how was I supposed to tell you that that was what we were talking about?” you muttered through your sniffles. “Plus, I thought I was making it obvious how I felt about you this entire time. But you just kept ignoring me so I didn’t know how to tell you. Why did you have to be such a jerk today? I told you in such a dumb way, now you’ll never want to go out with me…”
“Of course I would!!! I like you too, you dummy,” Jinyoung retorted, having no control over his own words. Though his tears never fell, he could feel his face getting warm from embarrassment. “Look, I wanted to tell you on our way to school today. I just… after I saw you with Euiwoong… I… I…”
“You got jealous,” you stated for him, both of your minds processing each other’s ridiculous actions.
“A-a little. I got really mad that I didn’t tell you sooner because I thought you found someone else….” He muttered, now feeling rather ridiculous about the whole thing.
“You’re so dumb…” you told him, though you meant it in a sweet way. “I’ve never had eyes for anyone else…”
“Same…” he said, letting go of you to finally pull you into a hug. As silly as the two of you were, he would never change a thing about either of you. It was what made the two of you such a good pair…
#wanna one#bae jinyoung#wanna one imagines#wanna one scenarios#kpop scenarios#wow what an emotional roller coaster ><#ahhh i hope this is okay ;^;#and yeah... that gif doesn't have much to do with the scenario but it felt moody enough ><"
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Suspiria remake review from a shitty movie-goer
(this review is posted too late so excuse me for some timing inaccuracies I couldn’t be arsed to edit)
(IF YOU HATE TL;DRS JUST SKIP AHEAD TO THE “THE REVIEW” PART. YOU’RE WELCOME)
I actually hate to admit why was I interested to watch this movie in the end, but for once SOMETHING motivated me to go to a movie after countless tries from my family to get me to watch something in theatres at a “reasonable time” (daytime is what they mean, this movie was at 8pm our time, and this is when the cross-city bus transport (it goes from one big city to another) stops doing their service lmao).
I myself have a lowkey interest in moviemaking (I’m already getting there by editing my phone-recorded videos because whatever). I come up with my concepts in my head and I am mostly willing to put them down somewhere in my computer so I don’t forget it years later if I want to make that concept a thing in the end (because none of my concepts are finalized... well except for one short horror-ish story I posted on DeviantArt (see mom, I do like some horror stuff!). Reddit as of lately inspired me to edit some of my movie’s plot-lines based on irl events (not related with anything too SJW), and I’m not sure how an usual movie-goer would see this concept but I am going to try to execute it... whenever I have enough equipment to shoot my own little films or skits or whatever.
What’s that? There are people who scrolled past this and already yell at me that “YOU ONLY WENT TO SEE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE OF THE MAN WHO COMPOSED THE SOUNDTRACK~~~”? Ugh yes you exposed me, tea all over. I even had “Street Spirit (Fade Out)” on a bit of a repeat as of lately (how fucking come I wasn’t too couragerous to listen to this song before?? And “Pyramid Song”??? Man am I discovering their pearl(ie)s(*) too late). And I’m occasionally on the band’s subreddit as well. And the man himself is touring ‘round the USA, signing material of fans and have genuinely warm chats with them. Admireable.
But that’s only half truth.
I never thought I’d see Suspiria on cinema theatres in here. Until one time when I saw an ad on a completely random Lithuanian website that said this movie is coming to our theatres 14 December... I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. I made my goal to see Suspiria since then. I even dared to ask a couple of my new college ‘friends’ to see it with me, but one of them fell off the deal when I revealed that I’ll be going to see it on Saturday, and on the weekends he’s usually at home, far away from the city the college is in (he lives in college dormitory on mostly the work-weekdays). So my only movie companion ended up to be this 28-year-old coursemate (actually we both study different things but sometimes we attend some of the same lectures) who was intrigued by the Suspiria trailer herself so at least I’m gonna have her by my side of the movie, so I thought. Sweet.
I already envisioned seeing this in a mall cinema theatre but my companion offered me a cheaper alternative - her suggested cinema theatre was actually in renovation so the business is temporarily happening inside an actual drama theatre’s long theatre hall. I had to wait long until the ticket box opened and because of that I was lowkey frustrated as I finished my English test writing a little earlier, so I spent my time walking around the city until the time came and I wandered off to the old building of the cinema so then I remembered it was moved and I found the moved place. Yeah I bought the tickets before my companion could but I’ll skip ahead to the time that I almost lost the tickets because they were put down on a windowsill outside some children activity centre (Suspiria and children?? lol). I came back home late at night and was ready for the movie to happen the next day. Oh and before buying the tickets I coincidentally saw dance classes going on nearby that building... weird, as Suspiria has dance elements in there
The day came (December 15) and my family went together with me because they saw this as an opportunity to see the Christmas tree of our city (but not the movie). Needless to say, they were still visibly pissed at me orchestrating this idea, as I planned everything BUT the transport to go by. Well at least my mom and my sis. Dad was cool with it as he returned home to watch Home Alone. Aside all that, the cinema hall was cozy, Christmassy, not too small, there were a few trailers before the movie, no snack-seller places (as this is not a mall lol) - my companion was glad she wasn't at the mall as she found this place where we were at way lovelier.
Now with all that unnecessary long intro off my chest, let’s begin:
THE REVIEW
(definitely not spoiler-free, if you are sensitive to spoilers please watch the movie for yourselves before reading my review. But if you like being spoiled, I’m your friend then I guess lmao)
The intro to the movie felt like I ended up booking a wrong movie - I didn't expect that to be set somewhere in Germany, especially an American/Italian-shot one. Was that a thing in the original Suspiria? I don't know... (apparently it is, but the cities are different, never the country though)
Patricia (I didn’t know it was Chloë Grace’s role until reading the Wiki) looked like to be a really big deal here, with the dance pupils discussing her disappearance the other day and Susie overheard them, then Sara mentioned the Patricia thing to Susie after Susie revealed she was kind of chosen as the lead dancer for the Volk play... is it because Patricia was THE saviour that unfortunately knew a little too much?? Idk, it’s perhaps the reason we get to see the Klemperer guy subplot happen (I didn’t know it was Tilda Swinton behind him all the time either, must be because the way the male German accent was put on her lol). Turned out she was captured and kept under some dungeon where Sara had gone later in the movie, but looking like an almost melted and grotesquely old human being (or if Mary’s mother from “Chocolate with Nuts” was a person). Speaking of which, there is one more later in the movie, but I won’t tell just yet - we will need to get into such scenes discussion first.
Interesting deaths here, despite of them being grotesque and horrifically detailed. It almost felt like Susie, whilst doing her first dance as the probable lead dancer, temporarily turned into Olga’s voodoo doll or a violent bloodbender (that old lady from Avatar that could bloodbend was incredibly uncanny, damn) and left Olga completely fucked up, and the foam mouth later on... is this the effect myxomatosis has on a human being if it was ever humanly? She was twitching and salivating afterall. :P But no, she’s not dead until she gets to plead her death later in the movie! :O Several others occur throughout, but none is more prominent than this key scene I described, well at least according to TV Tropes.
The search for the evil person in this movie without Wiki helping me much was definitely a nice game for me to play. I kept thinking that Blanc might be that one, then I thought she’s not the one until she looked at Carolina (I think that was the tall tomboy’s name??) suspiciously and then she later passed out on the floor violently, with rabies foam and everything.
Anyway, don’t tell me Tilda Swinton wouldn’t make out a pretty good Thom Yorke post-Pablo Honey. She’s 8 years older than him, ffs! Also played a man before (e.g.: this movie I’m talking about) so the make up won’t be an unjumpable-over hurdle.
The sighs were for sure unsettling, especially because they oddly sounded like orgasm here and there. IDK why. I know fucking is referenced twice in this movie (well only fucking once and sex another time). Speaking of random things, the nightmare shots were completely random themselves, following up with some imagery we never see in the movie again, and some of that we see only a little (like the worms and bloody organs).
3 long scenes that were note-worthy for me. One is the Olga mutilation/Susie's first dancing scene that I already noted, and it was driven by music (the others will be too. Soundtrack of this movie still rules). Then there's the Volk play itself - girls go from one place to another, take poses of each other, dance individually, let their minimalistic red rope dresses flick in the air, interspersed with Sara in the underneath area and her broken leg (so broken, the bone went out of her skin!), and then the matriarchy getting her back on stage, but healing her leg with her witch powers before that. I haven't really listened to the rest of the soundtrack but I gotta check the song out so that I won't end up labeling it as a Kid A reject. No but seriously - intense dancing needed some intense drumming and painful instrument sounds just to project out the massiveness of the whole play.
Then I keep remembering the scene where Madame Blanc commands Susie to jump higher and higher in the mirror hall, up until she jumps as highest as possible. Also my companion’s favourite scene was the stare exchange between these two ladies during the part where people were singing some drinking song in a bar to celebrate ‘Volk’’s success - you hear them singing and then some chilling background noise slowly mixing and creeping its way into the atmosphere, then I think it leads into a scene where some sparkling aura entity wakes Susie up (and she’s nude) in the middle of the night and gets her to go down to this... dungeon orgy full of random stuff going on, complete with an Asian man doing something beyond explanation (I could say lewd but not quite), even more strange ritual dancing and the very much frightening Madame Helga... who looked like Jabba the Hutt for some reason. And then of course everyone slitting, slashing and twisting each other, and by the end Susie throwing us all a plot twist which makes her THE evil one who can finally let her ‘friends’ go of all that suffering they have been through thanks to the damn witches (and yeah apparently her dance friends haven’t completely died? THAT’S how they do - they tell Susie to end their suffering and she does). Also she cracks her chest open to reveal a... very graphic part of a female body that will by no doubt get this whole text review reported without consent so I refrain from any illustrations. Oh and this scene mostly has the possibly favourite this movie’s soundtrack song of mine, if not one of them, play - titled Unmade. It was a mind-boggling decision to do so but the movie editors do them I suppose, but still. I felt sad for the song having to be the background of such absurd but fair enough events? (Oh and I didn’t mention that everyone who voted for the other woman than Madame Blanc to be the leader of the witches (iirc) were rid of in this movie. Damn.)
Oh and the ending is rather an interesting detail, not talking about post-credits because as always I have to be this one movie goer who wants to do it but can’t because they’re urged to go back out of the movie theater. We turn into modern day Germany with a love heart carved on a brick wall with the letters A and L (perhaps?? at the time of finishing this review my memory towards it kind of erased some parts of the movie for me), a nice little remembrance of Lutz’s (the old man’s) love for his dear Anke, with which they have reunited during the movie, but Lutz was dragged out by some people related to the dance academy for probably wandering elsewhere than needed and somehow Lutz ended up as one of the sex dungeon victims, stripped of clothing and lying down quite powerless. That and before the modern day shot we are subjected with Lutz in hospital with Susie coming to visit, they discuss something related to the plot, Susie touches the guy speaks some more, leaves and according to the Wiki, Lutz “suffers from a violent seizure” that was nothing more than just a hard seizure. And it even erases his memories!
Anyway, as a whole, I felt more underwhelmed of this movie’s experience despite really wanting to see it. Like, “uhm yeah gore blood people getting slashed everyone’s a witch and everyone’s watched over by the witch and if you expose the witches you die” kind of underwhelmed. I didn’t want this movie to blatantly go through my head, but it did, that’s why I wanted to make notes everytime something notable happens. There was one startling moment, and it just was an innocent scene transition. And something within Olga’s mutilation scene made me chuckle (and made some other people leave the cinema hall ASAP). It’s more of a disgusting watch than scary. Also feels too dragged out in parts.
I’d only recommend it if you are gore-tolerant (there are people that can’t stand looking at blood so this might as well not be for you, especially if you’re younger than 16), like intense choreos that can impact other people literally, and... the soundtrack. Yes of course. If you dare to get through the movie with feeling its soundtrack, sometimes you might as well feel it right, but some of the soundtrack song usages might as well make you go “hmm” as much as me.
I'll remind myself to never watch a movie in theaters for soundtrack again (unless they're not THAT late). And the other 'trilogy of the three witches' movie remakes, especially if they come out at the time I haven't moved houses by now, because for sure as hell will my parents not like me going to cinema late once more. The movie is lowkey 7 out of 10 for me, can sometimes it's on the verge of falling down to 6 becaude of no completely proper comprehension of some directing choices... so 6.7/10 is good - as it still has 6 in it, but totally leans on to the 7.
Will probably watch it again. I need to remember some more of this movie sometime later. And looking for online uploads of this movie is unrecommendable - I'll wait until Lionsgate distributes it to America for wider audiences so that anything could surface 2 months (or even a few days) later from now. Though if I didn't need all that, I'd definitely not watch it again for a long time... unfortunately I want to.
Post movie feelings: my companion liked the movie, initially said to never watch it again but now wants to watch it again because it was so "wtf" she felt like re-experiencing it at some point. She liked the music (another bonus point for Yorke). She wished she could film the reactions of other people who watched this, as they mostly were confused, all being like "wtf did I just watch???". I'm already feeling bad for the 3rd companion who didn't join us but would also like to watch this - he’ll likely be one of those confused movie-goers.
#suspiria#reviews from a shitty movie goer#lol :')#spoiler alert#tl;dr alert#this review's looooong overdue but f*ck it!#suspiria (2018)#there's a lot i might have missed?#movie review#review
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The Worm Reads: The Assassin’s Blade, Ch 19-20
SJM either cuts one measly scene into three chapters or crams 100+ long scenes into on chapter so this one is gonna be super fucking long
Celaena dressed in the nicest tunic she’d brought—which wasn’t really anything to admire, but the midnight blue and gold did bring out the turquoise hues in her eyes.
SJM gotta stop bringing attention to Celery’s Mary Sue eyes because I laugh every time I think about them.
Ansel takes Celery to dinner.
Staying alert as they entered the hall was an effort of will. Yet even with her exhaustion, she instinctively scanned the room. There were three exits—the giant doors through which they entered, and two servants’ doors on either end. The hall was packed wall-to-wall with long wooden tables and benches full of people. At least seventy of them in total. None of them looked at Celaena as Ansel ambled toward a table near the front of the room. If they knew who she was, they certainly didn’t care. She tried not to scowl.
This paragraph right here. This sums up everything wrong with this book.
At first while I was reading this, I was like “Yes finally!! Celery is acting like an assassin! It took us two short stories to get here, but we finally did!” And then SJM immediately ruins it by having Celery cry and wail about nobody giving her special attention.
Boo fucking hoo! You’re an assassin, you’re not supposed to stand out, you fucking spoiled asshole!! This character is utter garbage and I hate her so much, this is actually making me enjoy the ending of E0S where she gets the shit kicked out of her and shoved into an iron coffin. Fuck her. Fuck this book.
Ansel mentions some Lord Berick guy, who Celery has never heard of before.
“He’s the villain,” said a curly-haired, dark-eyed man across from Ansel. He was handsome in a way, but had a smile far too much like Captain Rolfe’s for Celaena’s liking. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-five.
Nuance who?
Ansel blathers on about Lord Berick and how he’s the most Evil Guy Ever who wants this part of the desert or some shit. No doubt Celery will beat him in one paragraph if they meet, so who really cares.
Outside of the markets in Rifthold (...) she’d never seen such a mix of different kingdoms and continents. And though most of the people here were trained killers, there was an air of peace and contentment—of joy, even.
This place is way tf better than Arobynn’s shitty assassin joint. Please let us stay here?
Vows of silence, Ansel had explained earlier, were taken for as long as each person saw fit. Some spent weeks in silence; others, years. Ansel claimed she’d once sworn to be silent for a month, and had only lasted two days before she gave up. She liked talking too much. Celaena didn’t have any trouble believing that.
That is quite fucking rich coming from you, Celery.
Celaena felt someone’s attention on her, and tried not to blink when she noticed a dark-haired, handsome young man watching her from a few seats down. Stealing glances at her was more like it, since his sea-green eyes kept darting to her face, then back to his companions.
oh no
Their eyes met, and his tan face spread into a smile, revealing dazzlingly white teeth. Well, he was certainly desirable—as desirable as Sam, maybe.
oh god no why this
SJM has basically skipped out on love triangles (Dorito never had a chance in T0G and Tamlin never had a chance in AC0TAR, and you all know it) but nope, she just had to hit all of the shitty YA tropes. Fucking great. Poor Ilias is probably gonna be put down so Celery can realize Sammy is her one true love.
“I’m surprised you caught Ilias’s eye,” Ansel teased, keeping her voice low enough for only Celaena and Mikhail to hear. “He’s usually too focused on his training and meditating to notice anyone—even pretty girls.”
(...)
“I’ve known him for years, and he’s never been anything but aloof with me,” Ansel continued. “But maybe he has a thing for blondes.” Mikhail snorted.
Holy shit, is this... self awareness? I mean, both the protagonists of SJM’s big ticket series are skinny blonde white girls who have men drooling left and right for them. I bet that new Creamcheese City novel will also feature a blonde “””strong female character””” as the lead.
Celaena pushed around the food on her plate. It wasn’t that she wasn’t romantic. She’d been infatuated with a few men before—from Archer, the young male courtesan who’d trained with them for a few months when she was thirteen, to Ben, Arobynn’s now-deceased Second, back when she was too young to really understand the impossibility of such a thing.
Dude he’s like a fucking adult and she’s barely 16. Get this nasty shit outta my face. So Celery rescued Ben’s body not because he was a good guy, but because she used to have the hots for him?? This is actually gross.
Mikhail asks why Celery’s master beat the shit out of her, and she kisses her own ass for a moment or two while telling the story of freeing the slaves.
“But if the two hundred slaves that I freed are telling the story, then no, I suppose I didn’t deserve it.”
None of them were smiling anymore. “Holy gods,” Ansel whispered. True silence fell over their table for a few heartbeats.
HFAKHDKAHDKAHDS I AM GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT
STOP!! MAKING!! EVERYONE!! SPLOOGE!! OVER!! CELERY!! IM SICK OF READING IT GET IT OUT OF MY FACE
The next day (I think?), Ansel takes Celery out to do some running and Celery is pissy that she isn’t immediately getting special attention from the Mute Master. Good to see Celery will never change in her selfish, whiny ways.
Celery fucking sucks at the run to the oasis and everyone continues to lap her.
A small oasis, mostly a ring of trees and a giant pool fed by a shimmering stream, was barely an eighth of a mile away.
She was Adarlan’s Assassin—at least she’d made it here.
Stop reminding me she’s Adaran’s Assassin, I fucking know. Remember how I said at the beginning that Celery doesn’t splooge over herself as much as Alien does? Yeah I take it back, Celery is even more obnoxious.
Later on Ansel tries to stroke Celery’s fragile precious little ego by saying she did worse on her first run.
“My first run, I collapsed. Mile two. Completely unconscious. Ilias found me on his way back and carried me here. In his arms and everything.” Ilias’s eyes met with Celaena’s, and he smiled at her. “If I hadn’t been about to die, I would have been swooning,”
No Ilias/Ansel/Celery love triangle, please.
Celaena blushed, suddenly too aware of Ilias’s attention, and took a sip from her cup of lemon water. As the meal wore on, her blush remained as Ilias continued flicking his eyes toward her.
She tried not to preen too much. But then she remembered how miserably she’d performed today— how she hadn’t even gotten a chance to train—and the swagger died a bit.
Celaena made her best attempt to look casual as she, too, stood and bid everyone good night. As she turned away, she noticed that Mikhail took Ansel’s hand and held it in the shadows beneath the table.
Apparently Ansel and Mikhail are a thing? I literally don’t care. Mikhail has said like what, five words this entire story? They’re literally just together because SJM can’t stand the idea of having any single characters (unless they’re evil).
Celery chases down The Master to demand her special snowflake treatment.
The Master paused, his white clothes rustling around him. He offered her a little smile. Up close, she could certainly see his resemblance to his son. There was a pale line around one of his fingers— perhaps where a wedding ring had once been. Who was Ilias’s mother?
Of course, it wasn’t at all the time for questions like that.
Yeah, no shit Celery. Why are you such an idiot?
The Mute Master is like “wait your turn” and leaves. Ilias shows up for shipping fuel I guess?
“I have no plans to hurt him,” she said softly. But Ilias gave her a half smile, his brows rising as if to ask if she could blame him for being protective of his father.
Maybe I’m a softie, but this endeared me to him somewhat. He seems like a nice guy, which is more than what you get with 95% if SJM’s male characters. How come all of Celery’s love interests Rowboat who are waaay better characters than her?
His eyes were vivid in the torchlight, his hand firm and warm around hers. She let go of his fingers. The son of the Mute Master and the protégée of the King of the Assassins. If there was anyone here who was at all similar to her, she realized, it was Ilias. Rifthold might be her realm, but this was his.
Human brain: don’t get attached, Celery is an asshole
Monkey brain: hhhhhh parallels between partners in a ship...love....
Not that Ilias and Celery are/will be a thing, but you know. I’m a sucker for shit like this.
Ilias suddenly began making a series of motions with his long, tan fingers, but Celaena laughed softly. “I have no idea what you’re trying to say.”
Ilias looked skyward and sighed through his nose. Throwing his hands in the air in mock defeat, he merely patted her on the shoulder before passing by
Ilias is a good, pure boy. I’d read a story where Sammy goes to the desert instead of Celery and him and Ilias fall in love and hold hands under the shade of the desert night. Hngh, I really wish I could be reading that fanfic instead of this novel.
As she walked back to her room, Celaena had a horrible feeling that here, being Adarlan’s Assassin might not count for much.
Celery says this like we’re supposed to feel sorry for her, but back in Arobynn;s Assassin joint she flaunts her title around and rubs it in everyone’s face so yeah, you don’t get sympathy from me.
“How long have you been seeing him?”
Ansel was silent for a long moment before answering. “Since I was fifteen.”
Fifteen! Mikhail was in his midtwenties, so even if this had started almost three years ago, he still would have been far older than Ansel. It made her a little queasy.
Oh. My. God.
See, I personally don’t like huge age gapes in ships (that’s just my personal preference, don’t fucking @ me) but Celery you literally said earlier you were in love with Ben, a fucking grown man, when you were a young teenager you fucking hypocrite!!!!!!!! God I fucking hate Celery!!!!!!!
With nothing else to distract her, Celaena eventually returned to thinking about Sam. Even weeks later, she had no idea how she’d somehow gotten attached to him, what he’d been shouting when Arobynn beat her, and why Arobynn had thought he’d need three seasoned assassins to restrain him that day.
Pretty simple answers. You got attached to Sammy because a) SJM wanted you to so she forced you to start thirsting for him, and b) you realized “oh hey Sammy is a good guy maybe I shouldn’t imagine myself slitting his throat”. What Sammy was shouting will be revealed later to my knowledge, and as for the 3 assassins thing... idk, tbh. I mean, Sammy is just a teenager boy, one big buff assassin should be enough to restrain him.
This chapter finally ends thank fucking god. We still have one more to go for today.
[Celaena] did run farther the next day. And the day after that, and the one following that. But it still took her so long to get back that she didn’t have time to seek out the Master. Not that she could. He’d send for her. Like a lackey.
Stop trying to make me feel bad for Celery being ignored if she’s just gonna splooge about how ~special and uhmayzing~ she is.
Like the assassins in Adarlan, the Silent Assassins weren’t known for any skill in particular—save the uncannily quiet way they moved.
That seems kinda odd. Assassins should be talented at many ways of disposing of people yeah, but wouldn’t it make more sense for some of them to have a knack for a certain type of killing, such as using poisons?
Still, even as [the assassins] corrected her posture and showed her new ways to control her breathing, she tried her best not to snarl at them. She knew plenty—she wasn’t Adarlan’s Assassin for nothing.
If I have to read that fucking sentence one more time I am ripping this book in half. No joke, I am a hair’s length away from not finishing this fucking book. Even E0S never got me to want to throw the towel in completely and quit like this.
Perhaps if she demonstrated that she was skilled enough in these practices, the Master might take notice of her.
She’d get that letter. Even if she had to hold a dagger to his throat while he wrote it.
Wow, asshole! You have to put in the tiniest amount of effort to learn and talk to people and you’re already resorting to violence??? You really are a weak and stupid protagonist and I hate you with every fiber of my being.
The attack by Lord Berick happened on her fifth night.
This made me sit up in my seat, to be honest. We finally get.... plot? Promises of action? Assassins versus assassins? Holy shit, I’m hype!
Apparently the attack happens oh so conveniently when the Mute Master and a bunch of assassins are away on a mission. Celery acknowledges this as extremely convenient, which leads me to believe there may be a rat in the assassin fortress. If not, then this is laughably stupid and convenient.
“We’re not going to kill [the soldiers]?” Celaena whispered back. (...)
Ansel shook her head, watching Ilias down the line. “No, though I wish we could.” Celaena didn’t particularly care for the casual way she said it
Why would that fucking bother you?? Don’t act all high and mighty asshole, you’re an assassin the same as her. You both kill people for a living. Jesus fucking christ.
They all fire some burning arrows at an oil ridge in the sand or something which scares off Lord Berick’s goons. The scene ends.
I’m not even joking, this entire scene takes up a page and a tiny paragraph of another. I... I’m fucking speechless. You promise us an action scene and you give us this shitty, glossed over pile of garbage that serves no point? No named characters were even injured!!!!!! Holy fucking shit, SJM, you are a terrible terrible terrible writer! Please fucking stop, I can’t handle any more of these dumpster fires of novels.
The next day Mikail tells Ansel she has orders to go to Xandria, and she invites Celery to go along with, I assume Xandria is a place.....? This chapter ends. I am going to drown myself in chocolate chip cookies to heal.
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silly kitty | seokjin
↼pairing: seokjin x reader
↼genre: hybrid au, fluff, if u squint there’s a tiny bit of angst
↼words: 21.7k+
↼warnings: this is 21.7k of pure fluff god is dead and we killed him
↼notes: I started out following the request and then it just got out of hand, I couldn’t stop myself oml this fic has been haunting me for WEEKS. also i deviated a lil from the request im sorry i love u I hope it doesn’t disappoint!!!!
⇢ request:
just lots and lots of fluff I guess?? I love Jin so much but I don’t see a lot of love for him. Oh! Maybe something along those lines?... How about… desperate hybrid jin, stuck on the streets, who starts following the first person who shows him affection and them just not knowing what to do, doesn’t know the first thing about having to take care of more than just themselves? - jin anon
↼posted; 12.11.2017
↼masterlist || afterstory
It was with a sense of defeat that you were trailing after your best friend down a series of darkened streets in the early hours of the morning. Jungkook had come back from his shift as a bartender in the popular club near your apartment, as he usually did on days when he got the later shifts, and burst into your room without warning. You’d nearly dropped the leftover pizza you’d been about to scarf down in sheer fright. You’d cursed him out but he’d been quick to ignore you, gripping your wrist and hardly giving you time to even slip your shoes on before he was dragging you out the door with the excuse that he “has something important to show you”.
You mightn’t have minded as much, except it just so happened to be storming and he hadn’t given you time to grab an umbrella to shield yourself with from the pelting rain. It was the perfect weather for cuddling up beneath the covers at home, with junk food and hot chocolate— another reason you were so salty you’d been wrenched from the comfort of your home and bed.
“Jungkook,” you began, warning him not for the first time since he’d begun dragging you on this little adventure. You’d recognised the path he was taking; it was in the direction of his workplace. “If you’ve interrupted my night and dragged me out here to go get late night drinks with you again so help me god I will show up in the dead of night and break those precious gaming computers of yours, I’m not shitting you Jungkook heads will roll—”
“Shh!” the male responded, shooting you an exasperated look, and you bristled, biting back the urge to hit him upside the head. The paths you were taking were reasonably covered but in the spaces between awnings you were both getting soaked by the torrential downpour. You were about two more awnings away from being miserable and taking it out on Jungkook. “I didn’t bring you here for drinks, you idiot.”
You couldn’t help the offended look that flew onto your face. “Jeon Jungkook I am going to ignore that, but I swear if you don’t tell me what is going on—"
You were cut off when Jungkook stopped abruptly in front of you, causing you to slam into his back. You let out a loud noise of pain, your nose throbbing. It was like walking straight into a fucking wall, and of course he stopped right between two awnings, meaning you were both currently getting soaked. Thunder rumbled in the distance. “Jungkook you little shit, give me some warning next time you nearly broke my nose—”
“Oh my god, y/n do you ever shut up? Stop complaining, we’re here. What I wanted to show you is down there.” Jungkook rolled his eyes, pointing down the long, dark, winding alleyway he’d stopped in front of.
“I’ll stop complaining when there’s nothing left to complain about,” you grumbled, before following the direction he was pointing and making a noise of alarm. “An alley…?! Oh my god, Jungkook did you bring me here to kill me—?!”
“No!” Jungkook groaned, gripping your wrist and dragging you behind him as he started down the alley. “And be quiet! You’re going to spook them with that loud mouth of yours.”
“I’m not loud!” you hissed, quietly, to prove your point. You pattered after him begrudgingly, the two buildings you were walking between offering meagre shelter from the elements. “And what do you mean ‘them’? Oh god, this is a cult initiation isn’t it? Are we about to walk in on a high-end drug deal?”
Jungkook groaned softly, “Y/n if you don’t be quiet I’ll lick one of your pizza slices while you sleep.”
You gasped in horror. If he licked one of the slices while you slept then when you woke you wouldn’t be able to tell which one, and you’d have to throw them all out.
“You’re evil.” You whispered, glaring at his stupid defined back. The male in question turned his head and shot you a smug look, before turning back and leading you the rest of the way down the alley in silence.
You were about to risk your pizza slices and ask how much longer when he stopped suddenly before you again, and you only just managed to stop yourself in time from running into him once more. He turned to you before you could open your mouth.
“They’re just around this corner,” he said, large doe eyes meeting your own. His tone was serious and conveyed a sense of urgency you hadn’t witnessed often in him, and it made you forget the smartass comment you’d been about to make and listen, suddenly alert. “I was walking home from work, past here, when I heard something and decided to investigate. There’s about four of them, and they’re not in good shape. There were two guys from the Pound, trying to take them in but they put up enough of a fight to stave them off for now, but I don’t doubt they’ll be back soon with more officers so they can take them in without a struggle.”
Your mind was racing to take in the information he was throwing at you. Jungkook continued, peering around the corner to your side for a moment before turning back to you. “The oldest one, he saw me and asked me to get help, and I knew I couldn’t help by myself so I went and got you. I called Yoongi-hyung too and he said he’d be here as soon as his shift ended, which was a couple of minutes ago so hopefully he’ll get here quickly.”
You had so many questions pressing against the tip of your tongue but no time to even organise them before Jungkook took your wrist again and pulled you around the corner. Your mind had been halfway to the realisation that Jungkook had been talking about hybrids, but nonetheless you were still surprised by the sight before you.
There was indeed four of them, all huddled up in the corner of the alley beneath a makeshift shelter consisting of a tarp and three barrels, barely enough room for two people and yet four of them were crammed in there. They all looked to be around your age, give or take a couple of years, and were shivering and clinging to each other, flinching with each rumble of thunder. The second you stepped around the corner they froze, eyes whipping to you in fear, hackles raised and a weak growl splitting the air. It came from the largest hybrid among them, the one closest to the front and sitting just beyond the tarp’s meagre reach, his raven locks dripping and triangular ears lowered threateningly.
“Wait, it’s ok! It’s me, I brought help— she’s here to help.” Jungkook assured them, quickly rounding the corner after you and moving forward. You hesitated where you stood a moment before following suit, although more cautiously. You were a new character, and you didn’t want to alarm them.
At once the hybrid stopped growling, body sagging in relief as all the energy he’d mustered for his show of bravado fled his form at once. “You came back,” he croaked, his feline eyes meeting Jungkook’s gratefully, voice soft and beautiful even as it sounded so rough. “Thank you.”
Jungkook smiled. “Of course I came back, I told you I would help. There is one more person coming, but until then, what do you need us to do?”
The black cat hybrid moved his gaze to the other hybrids huddled behind him, two puppies with blonde and grey hair and an older dog hybrid with soft orange locks, all of which were staring at you with wide eyes. He looked at Jungkook, then you, imploringly, startling you with the sheer desperation and selflessness in his gaze. “Please, just help them. They’re still young and can easily find homes, so please… help them. They- they just need a home, and someone to show them all the love and care they deserve. They can’t be here when those men come back, I… Please…”
Your heart nearly broke at his words, going out not only to the other hybrids but to him as well. He was speaking as though he didn’t deserve those things like they did, like it didn’t matter what you did with him so long as the others were safe, and happy. You were awed by his pure selflessness and the lengths you could see of his affection for them.
“Of course, we’ll do everything we can.” You said softly, moving closer and offering a smile. “We’ll help as much as you need.”
The cat hybrid leant back against the wall, blinking away tears as he shot you a grateful smile. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Thank you.” He whispered, sniffing, and you couldn’t tell if the droplets trailing down his face were tears or rain.
There was a movement to your right and you turned to see one of the puppies emerging from the shelter, looking at you curiously with wide chocolate eyes through messy grey locks. The puppy hybrid beside him, the blond one, whined softly, tugging his friend’s clothes anxiously and shooting looks between yourself and Jungkook.
Jungkook smiled softly, stepping forward and crouching down in an effort to reassure the nervous hybrid. “It’s ok, you’re gonna be ok. My name’s Jungkook, and this is y/n. We’re gonna help you get away from here, and give you guys a place to stay for a while, with food, and warm beds. You’ll be safe.”
The grey-haired hybrid didn’t need any more convincing, having all the confirmation he needed that it was safe to interact with you, moving eagerly from beneath the shelter to plop at your feet, reaching for your hands and clutching them softly, enveloping them in his own. “You’re going to help us?” he asked, an awed look in his eyes as you crouched down before him with a smile, returning the hold on his hands. “You’re gonna let us stay? And give us food and beds?”
“Yep,” you said, removing a hand from his grasp to lift it and brush the rapidly dampening hair from his face. He nuzzled into your gentle touch, surprising you as he pressed his face into your palm with a boxy grin, his tail wagging eagerly behind him.
“Thank you!” he beamed, holding your hand to his cheek. “I’m Taehyung!”
“It’s nice to meet you, Taehyung. You have a beautiful smile.” You complimented honestly, unable to help your smile as the hybrid’s cheeks went pink and he beamed at you happily. “What are everyone else’s names?”
Taehyung eagerly turned, pointing at the blonde puppy that was slowly becoming more and more lax beneath the ministrations of Jungkook, who had begun combing his fingers through his blond locks and scratching behind his floppy golden ears to soothe him.
“That’s Jimin-hyung,” Taheyung supplied helpfully, before pointing to the orange-haired dog hybrid that had remained beneath the shelter but looked like he was longing to move out and receive attention too. “And that’s Hobi-hyung, and Jin-hyung.” He said, pointing finally to the raven-haired cat hybrid you’d first spoken to.
“They’re all my brothers, but Jin-hyung is more like a parent. He’s kept us together and protected us ever since he found us on the streets.” Taehyung said, and you didn’t miss the look of gratitude and adoration he sent the cat hybrid. “He’s done everything for us.”
You felt your heart warming as you shot the aforementioned hybrid a glance. He was still leaning against the wall, resting his eyes for a moment as the other hybrids interacted with you and Jungkook. You suspected it was a rare moment where he let his guard down, deeming you both safe enough to entrust with his family, and nothing touched you more.
The orange-haired hybrid’s urge to join his brothers seemed to outweigh his hesitation and he quickly moved over to plop next to Taehyung, leaning forward eagerly with his tail wagging a mile a minute as you acquiesced to his wishes and brushed your fingers through his hair, scratching behind his ears. He let out a pleased hum, tail wagging faster.
“I can take two of you to my place, and I know Yoongi-hyung has room for one.” Jungkook began, turning to send you a look and you nodded at the unspoken question. You could take the remaining hybrid to your place, you had a spare room that Jungkook usually used to crash in whenever he had a late shift, but it could easily be given up for a hybrid that needs it more than he does.
As though the mere mention of his name was enough to summon him to your location, a slightly out-of-breath Yoongi rounded the corner in all his blue-haired glory, headphones still around his neck from his gig as a DJ at the bar where Jungkook worked. They swung loosely as he caught sight of the scene before him and halted abruptly. Jin’s eyes shot open and his ears flattened at the sudden arrival of a new variable, a low hiss escaping his teeth.
“Wow, you really weren’t shitting me.” Yoongi said, shooting Jungkook a mildly bewildered look, otherwise speechless. “It’s a good thing I drove.”
“It’s ok, he’s the other person we were waiting for.” Jungkook quickly reassured Jin, and the hybrid’s hackles lowered once more, although he still kept wary eyes on your friend. “This is Yoongi.”
The blue-haired male offered a sheepish if somewhat awkward wave, before he was suddenly jumping in alarm as an excited orange-haired hybrid perked up and leapt over.
“Nice to meet you, Yoongi. I’m Hoseok!” he introduced himself brightly, lips curling into a bright heart-shaped smile. He moved forward, circling Yoongi (to the male’s alarm) and sniffing the air a couple of times before stopping in front of him once more. His hands came up to clutch Yoongi’s own. “You smell really nice. Warm— like summer days, with a cool breeze.”
A look at Jin and Taheyung’s faces told you Hoseok had never taken to anyone quite like this before, and you couldn’t help but think it was the cutest thing in the world. Yoongi’s cheeks were flushing an uncharacteristic light pink.
“Uh, I— thank you?” he stuttered, bringing up a hand to rub the hybrid’s head when he gave him an expectant look. Hoseok practically melted onto him and you didn’t doubt that if he was a cat hybrid then he would have been purring loudly, but instead his tail was wagging faster than your eyes could keep up with.
You turned in time to see Jungkook’s cheeky smile. “You can take Hoseok home then, hyung.” He said, still petting Jimin as he looked pointedly at Yoongi. “They all need somewhere to stay— they definitely can’t stay here.”
Yoongi, cheeks still flushed, didn’t even bother trying to refute it when said hybrid was still firmly attached to his arm without any indication of letting go anytime soon. “Fine,” he said, his grouchy tone betrayed by his awkward stature and gentle hand in Hoseok’s hair. “He can stay with me. I’m assuming two are going to stay with you?”
Jungkook nodded, and to your surprise, before he could even speak, Jimin’s hand came up to grip his sleeve, large eyes shooting him an anxious look. Taehyung, having observed the whole thing, quickly jumped up and clutched Jungkook’s other arm, flashing him a bright smile.
“Jiminie likes you and we go everywhere together, so we’ll go with you.” He said matter-of-factly, tail wagging softly. Jungkook’s eyes were soft as he gazed upon them, a light smile pulling his lips.
“Ok, you two can stay with me then.” He said softly, caressing their heads. You watched with a fond smile, significantly less cranky than when Jungkook had first dragged you out of your house, even though you were still getting soaked by rain because the dumbass hadn’t let you get an umbrella.
“y/n, there’s only going to be enough seats for us, but your house is closer anyway so you should be good to walk. Can you come help move the things from my backseat?” Yoongi asked, reaching into his pocket to pull out his keys and throw them your way. You caught them with ease despite your slippery hands (rain had its downfalls after all) and nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.”
Jin stood, leaning heavily against the wall for a moment before easing off of it and moving closer to you, flinching at the rain. The others didn’t seem to mind it, but they were dog hybrids, and Jin was a cat hybrid. As you all started moving back down the alley towards Yoongi’s car, you shrugged out of your jacket and leant up to drape it over Jin’s head. He flinched, more out of surprise than anything, and shot you an unreadable look before graciously accepting it with a smile that had your heart skipping beats in your chest, his larger hands coming up to replace yours, holding the jacket over his head and shielding himself from the rain.
You reached Yoongi’s car quickly, and wasted no time in moving forward and unlocking it, removing all the items thrown haphazardly on the backseat and relocating them to the boot. Yoongi, while he seemed like a neat and orderly person, was one of the messiest people you knew when it came to places like his car, and his room. You knew for a fact his studio was spotless though.
The car was ready, and the other hybrids only just seemed to realise they were about to leave. They whimpered, almost in unison, and threw themselves at Jin, hugging him close like they were never going to see him again. You would have rolled your eyes if it was any other situation, but in the short time you’d been among them you’d quickly realised how close the bond was that they shared.
Taehyung looked ready to cry as he moved back, clutching onto Jimin and Jungkook simultaneously. “See you, hyung.” He whimpered sadly, eyes watering. Jin leant forward and ruffled the puppy’s wet hair.
“I’ll see you again soon, Taehyungie.” he reassured, voice soothing and soft. Taehyung leant into his touch. “Now hurry up, you better get into that car and out of this rain— if you get sick I’ll kill you.”
That made the puppy giggle, and he lurched forward to throw his arms around Jin once more before pulling back and climbing into the car. Hoseok and Jimin both followed suit, climbing into the back, and Yoongi slipped into the driver’s seat.
Jungkook paused next to you on his way to the passenger side, giving you a grateful smile. “Thanks for helping too, y/n. Make sure you take care of him, and don’t just feed him pizza every day. That’s unhealthy. You should be eating a balanced meal with vegetables and meat, preferably not fried or greasy—"
“Alright!” you exclaimed, pushing the irritating male towards the passenger side so he would stop harassing you about your dietary choices and get in the car. “I get it! I’ll cook actual meals! Goodbye!”
Jungkook grinned before ducking and slipping into his seat, shutting the door behind himself. Yoongi started the car, and you managed a brief wave before he was pulling out and down the street, soon the only thing you could see through the hammering rain the ghost of his tail lights.
You stood still for a moment, before turning to face Jin. He was still, gazing after the car and his brothers with a look that just bordered on forlorn. He seemed to jerk back to the present, gaze moving to you as he shot you a saddened, yet grateful smile, and murmured, “Thank you again, for helping them.” He then turned, moving as though he was about to make his way back down the alleyway.
You moved forward quickly and grasped his wrist, making sure your grip was loose. He still jumped in surprise, turning back in shock.
“Where are you going?” you asked, a small smile playing on your lips. “My house is this way, and we better get going soon or we’re going to be the ones to get sick.”
The cat hybrid stuttered, staying rooted to the spot despite your gentle tugs on his wrist. “I—you—what?”
You gazed at him shrewdly, wondering why he was so surprised. It was like he didn’t think he was going home with you. You smiled again, wanting to reassure him. “You didn’t think we were only going to help the others and leave you, did you?”
One look was all you needed to confirm he had, in fact, thought that, for whatever reason. You shook your head, laughing a little. You readjusted your grip so that you were holding his hand instead, and intertwined your fingers. “Silly kitty, of course we’re not going to leave you. I have a spare room at home, so you you’re welcome to come stay with me.”
Jin went a bright, delicate pink, eyes wide and mouth gaping slightly in shock, both at what you’d called him, and what you said afterwards. “I— wh-what?”
“Come on, this way.” You smiled, slightly amused by the sheer disbelief on the hybrid’s face. He really thought you were just going to leave him to go back and live in the alley when the pound would be back anytime soon to take him in? You tugged on your intertwined hands, leading him back down the path you’d come to get here. “Contrary to what Jungkook says, I do have food other than pizza. We can have something warm to eat once we get home.”
Shooting him one last smile, you turn and face forward as you lead him along the path to your home. You missed the open look of admiration and awe the feline sent your way, and simply focused on getting home in one piece with your new housemate.
. . . . . . . . .
“This is it!” you announced brightly, stepping into your home and swinging about, ignoring the water droplets that flew off your soaked form. Jin was just barely in a better state as he stepped through the door, gazing around in curiosity and staying in the one spot so he didn’t spread water everywhere. His ears were slightly lowered, not in hostility but in an effort to keep water out, and his dark tail was curled around his thigh protectively.
“Home sweet home,” you hummed, slipping off your drenched flats and placing them by the door. Thankfully you’d left the heating on when Jungkook had dragged you out before. You turned to Jin, moving over and taking the soaking jacked you’d given him, hanging it over one of the chairs at the table. “Of course, now my home is your home too. You can come in, we need to draw you a bath and get some clothes for you so you don’t get sick.”
Jin’s face seemed to be in a perpetual state of shock and surprise ever since you’d first told him to come back with you, like he couldn’t believe this was really happening to him. When he didn’t move immediately you skipped forward to grasp his hand once more, revelling in the warmth as you pulled him gently in the direction of the bedrooms and bathrooms. You pointed out the different parts of your apartment as you went, stopping momentarily at the room where he’d be staying.
“This is the spare bedroom, it probably stinks like Jungkook. That’s just because he usually crashes here when he works the late-late shift at his work, since my house is much closer than his. I’m kicking him out though— this is your room now. We can change sheets and all that later.” You explained happily, looking up to shoot the hybrid a grin that he returned softly, looking nothing short of angelic. Now that he was in the proper lighting of your home you couldn’t help but notice how heart-wrenchingly beautiful he was, not only in his face but in his figure, his disposition, his expressions. You didn’t think you’d ever seen anyone so aesthetically pleasing.
“Now,” you began in an attempt to keep yourself on track and stop staring at his handsome face. “To the bathroom! I’ll run you a bath. I think I have some bath bombs left over from that massive gift box Namjoon gave me last Christmas, so we can use one of those and make it pretty.”
Jin seemed alarmed. “Bath bombs?”
You paused in your journey to the bathroom, sensing his hesitance. “Oh! They’re just something you add to the bathwater to make it smell nice and look pretty. Don’t worry, Loosh products are pretty much all natural and they’re safe for hybrids too.”
He seemed relieved to learn they weren’t actual bombs, and you giggled a little despite feeling bad you’d unintentionally scared him. Moving into the bathroom, you immediately went about clearing up the little mess you’d managed to make before starting to run the water. You told him to wait a moment as you ducked out to get some of the spare clothes Jungkook left here for when he slept over, coming back with the largest ones you could find since Jin was a bit taller and had broader shoulders than the younger male.
“Here you go,” you said, holding them up for the hybrid to see. “They’re Jungkook’s. I do apologise for everything reeking of him, but he stays here a lot. We can go get you some clothes later. For now, help yourself to the bath.”
Jin took the clothes from you, gazing at the with a soft look before shooting you a tender smile. “Thank you,” he said earnestly. “I… I really appreciate all you’re doing, and not just for me, but for the others too.”
You returned the smile. “It’s no problem, we’re all happy to help. You guys deserve to feel safe and happy too, so you can stay as long as you want.”
Jin bit his lip, averting his gaze for a moment, before returning it to your face. “You’re a really kind person, y/n. I mean it, thank you.”
You were so caught off guard by the vulnerable look in his eyes as he thanked you that you could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks, your mouth dropping open in slight shock. “O-oh, it’s no problem. I’m- I’m happy to help you, Jin.”
The raw, tender look of sheer gratitude he sent your way was more than you (or your heart for that matter) could handle, and you scrambled to recover your pride from where it was, floating away from you. You could only make so many dumb faces in front of someone so handsome.
“A-anyway!” you announced, rushing over to the cupboard and pulling out a bath bomb at random before moving over to the bath and turning off the taps. It was already fairly deep. You dropped the bath bomb in, inhaling the soft scent of rose with hints of something else and watching as the bath water fizzed and coloured a deep rose pink. “Here you go, your bath is ready, towels are on the rack, if you need anything else—oh my gosh!”
You’d turned around to move towards the door only to be confronted with the sight of an unashamedly stripping Jin who was already halfway out of his ragged clothes. How you hadn’t heard him undress that far was beyond you. You spun back around with a squeak, cheeks aflame and heart racing. “Oh my gosh, give me a warning next time!”
There was a soft chuckle from behind you followed by the sound of the hybrid slipping into the bath, and you could not get the image of his beautiful sun-kissed skin, his defined figure, and his broad shoulders out of your mind.
“Sorry,” he apologised earnestly, and you risked a glance to see him sitting in the deep water with his knees drawn to his chest and long arms draped around them as he offered you a sheepish smile. “I just… haven’t ever had a proper bath before, especially not like this. I wasn’t ever allowed, and you know, there’s no bathtubs on the streets. I was a little excited.”
You turned and gave him a smile, somewhat recovered from the shock of a minute ago. “Then I hope you enjoy it.”
You moved towards the door once more, watching as the hybrid dragged his hand through the water and admired the glimmering swirls, playing with the ripples and small amount of bubbles. “Now, if there is nothing else you need, I shall be going. I’ll go heat up some food since it’s a bit late to be cooking a whole meal. I hope you like meat pies.”
You opened the door, about to slip out and flee when the sound of his voice made you pause.
“Wait-!”
You turned, eyebrows raised, curious as to what he wanted. The hybrid looked bashful, gaze everywhere but on you as his ears lowered slightly and his tail swayed where it lay over the edge of the tub. You stepped back inside the room, a small smile on your lips in case he looked up. “Yeah? What do you need?”
Jin seemed to hesitate, opening his mouth once, twice, before finally beginning to speak. “I… can’t really… I don’t think I can wash my hair or- or my tail, it’s a little more difficult to reach and navigate in a bathtub than I thought… Can you… um…”
You took a good look at him, just now realising how large he was compared to your tiny bathtub. Your gaze softened as you moved forward with a soft laugh, grabbing your favourite shampoo and conditioner off the shelf in the shower. “Of course, I can do it for you. Don’t flash me though or I’ll scream.”
Jin laughed at that, his posture loosening and releasing the tension it had held when he’d asked for your help. “Of course not,” he murmured with a smile. “I have manners.”
You giggled, grabbing the small container beside the bath and dipping it into the tub to fill it with water. “Manners that seem to fly out the window when you get excited about baths.” You joked lightly, bringing the container over his head. “Lower your ears and close your eyes so you don’t get any water in them, kitty.”
Jin jolted at the nickname, a breathless laugh escaping him at your earlier comment even as his cheeks flushed a pretty pink. He did as you said and closed his eyes, lowering his ears as well. You poured the water slowly over his head, watching as he shuddered pleasantly at the warmth as it cascaded over his broad shoulders and down his back. Your thoughts strayed as you wondered if he would even be able to reach it in your tiny bathtub. You made a note to ask him if he wanted you to help him with that too. However, with your attention on his form you began to notice things you’d missed before when he’d been stripping himself for the bath. His muscles were defined, but it was because he was lean, and thin— he looked like he hadn’t had a good meal in months, and you wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Small numbers of scars littered his golden skin, some looking like they had just been nicks while others looked like lashes and welts. They were all old, well healed, except for one down the side of his ribs, which was fresh and bleeding slightly. His murmur broke you from your thoughts suddenly. “That would be the exception.”
You hummed, taking the container and pouring the water over his head to wet his hair once more, washing out the remainder of the rainwater that had accumulated earlier. Placing it down, you picked up the shampoo and squeezed some into your hand, making sure you didn’t get too much. You were going to shampoo his hair twice anyway, so it didn’t matter if it didn’t lather up on the first go. A hairdresser had told you instead of using a lot of shampoo at once for one wash, it was better to do two separate washes.
You brought your hands to his head, beginning to gently scrub his scalp and work the shampoo through his raven hair. Jin let out a small, pleased sound, and leaned into your ministrations. You tried not to think about the scars and the current condition his body was in, since you knew if you asked it would likely ruin his current relaxed state. Instead you focused on getting his hair clean.
Once the shampoo had been worked through his hair as much as you could, you raised the container and rinsed it out, telling Jin to close his eyes as he had before. When his hair was free of product once more, you went through with the second round of shampoo, rubbing and massaging his scalp as you went since it was important to not only clean your hair but your scalp too. Plus, since this was his first bath you wanted to make it special. You worked the shampoo all throughout his hair once more, scrubbing his head gently where it met the nape of his neck. He jerked slightly, an involuntary shiver rolling through his form, and you had to wonder if his neck, or just the back of his neck, were particularly sensitive for him. Perhaps it was a carry over from his feline DNA, you mused. The back of the neck was where mother cats usually grabbed their kittens, right?
You hummed thoughtfully to yourself as you finished lathering up his hair, eyeing the ears that you had yet to touch. They weren’t filthy, but they were still dirty, and there was no sense leaving them that way when you were already cleaning the rest of his head.
“Jin, I’m gonna clean your ears too, is that ok?” you asked as you dipped the container in the water in preparation. The feline nodded, eyes closed as he sat still with his legs drawn to his chest.
At his confirmation you set the container down and used some of the shampoo lather to rub over his ears gently, making sure you didn’t press too hard. Jin shivered again, and it occurred to you he might be cold with his back out of the water so you removed one hand to pour the container of heated water over his skin. He sighed pleasantly, a sound so soft you almost didn’t catch it, and leaned into your touch when you continued rubbing the shampoo into the short, soft fur on his ears. Once you’d scrubbed enough and the shampoo was no longer brown from the dirt and oil, you brought the container up and carefully rinsed it from his ears, being mindful not to let any get inside. The rest of the shampoo was next to go, and soon you were massaging conditioner through Jin’s now considerably softer, cleaner locks. Once you’d washed that out as well, you pulled back and peered at the feline before you. There was a soft, almost imperceptible purr rumbling from his chest, and he looked like he was ready to fall asleep. You couldn’t help yourself as you raised a hand and brushed the wet locks out of his face.
His eyes cracked open, moving to you hazily, and he flashed you a soft smile. “Sorry, that just felt really good… I was almost falling asleep.”
You giggled, brushing the hair back once more. “I noticed,” you said, shooting him a grin. “Where else am I washing? Your tail? Do you want me to wash your back too? I feel like it might be hard for you to twist around in the tub to do it.”
Jin shot you a sheepish look and nodded, causing you to smile as you shifted so you could reach his tail better. It was long and a little fluffy, the fur matted slightly from the rain and dirt, but was the same beautiful raven colour as his hair. You hummed, taking it into your hands gently and first combing through the small clumps and knots with your fingers, your nails just barely dragging along the appendage. Jin gasped, jerking slightly, another shudder rolling down his spine and you paused in alarm. “You okay? I didn’t hurt you right?”
The feline made a strangled noise, clutching his knees tighter to his chest. He spared a brief look over his shoulder at you, his cheeks pink once more. “No! No, you didn’t,” he reassured with a breathless laugh. “I just- I wasn’t ready, my tail is sensitive and I’m the only one that’s ever washed it before, so you— it feels… very different. I was just surprised, sorry. You can… you can keep going.”
You could feel the heat in your own face as you returned the smile he offered you and resumed where you left off, your touch more tentative and gentle this time since you really didn’t want to cause him discomfort or pain. Soon the fur on his tail was smooth and orderly, if still dirty, and so you dipped it in the water and took some shampoo in your hand. The end of the appendage curled around your wrist mindlessly as you lathered the part of his tail closest to his body first with your other hand. He stiffened when you grew too close to the base of his tail and so you lightly covered it before moving on and avoiding it, deeming it another sensitive area. It didn’t take you too long to wash it, and by the time you were washing the conditioner out he was still purring softly, completely relaxed beneath your ministrations.
“I’m gonna move to your back now, can you lean forward a bit for me?” you asked softly, Jin complying without question and leaning forward so you could reach his back better. His tail curled up happily from the water, fur sleek and shiny now that it had been cleaned. Almost the entirety of Jin’s broad back was revealed to you, the rosy water cutting off your view an inch or so above the base of his tail. Focusing on the task at hand, you tried not to stare at the scars littering his otherwise flawless skin, and made sure to avoid the open cut on his side. You’d have to come back to that.
You reached for the shower gel you kept, your favourite mint and Teatree scented one, and noticed with a sense of irritation that Jungkook had been using it again. You grumbled, reminding yourself to tell him off for it and make him replace it as you squeezed some onto the loofa by the tub and took it to Jin’s back after pouring some more water on there so he didn’t get cold. He jerked a bit, the lotion cold, but quickly relaxed again when you began scrubbing over his skin, his purring growing the slightest bit louder.
Aside from that, it was silent as you worked, ignoring the slight ache of your knees and back and focusing on Jin. You tried your best not to pay attention to them, but you couldn’t help your gaze wandering to the many scars across his back. Almost as though he could sense your gaze and train of thought, his soft tone reached your ears. “They’re from my life on the street.” He said, gentle baritone rumbling beneath your stilled hands on his back. Your eyes widened in surprise.
He continued, adjusting his chin where it sat on his drawn knees. “The small ones are, anyway. You don’t get to survive on the streets without a couple of marks to show for it. The big ones are from my time at the shelter where I was raised, before I was thrown on the streets.”
You barely hid the soft gasp that escaped your mouth, wide eyes locking on his face. He turned slightly, a sad smile on his lips. “You were curious, right? That’s how I got them.”
You bit your lip, holding his gaze sombrely before lifting a hand and booping him on the nose, wiping some soap suds there. He blinked rapidly in surprise, mouth dropping open and full lips parting in shock.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Jin.” You said sincerely, tracing one of the long scars that spanned from his shoulder-blade to his spine. “No one deserves that, least of all you. But you won’t have to worry about anymore scars forming on that pretty skin, my dear Jinnie, cause I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you from now on! Gotta preserve that handsome face of yours, after all.”
You ended it with a laugh, smiling at the surprised look on his face that melted into a grin to match your own. Booping his nose once more, you returned to his back, finishing your gentle scrubbing and pouring more water over him to rinse off the remaining suds. You hopped up after placing the container back beside the tub. “There you go, kitty! All cleaned up. I shall leave you to finish up— take as long as you like, feel free to soak for a bit. Get out before the water gets too cold though, or else all our efforts in warming you up will be in vain.”
Jin’s cheeks were pink once more at the nickname you’d given him, but he nodded nonetheless, meeting your gaze. You shot him a bright smile. “I’m going to go get changed and heat up some pies for us in the meantime, I’ll be out here if you need me!”
He nodded once more, looking nothing short of angelic as he beamed at you gratefully. “Thank you again, y/n. Really.”
You ignored the flush in your cheeks as you returned the smile. “You’re welcome! Don’t drown while I’m gone!”
With that you slipped from the bathroom, closing the door behind you to the sound of his soft chuckles. Letting a soft breath fall from your lips, you allowed yourself to keep the big smile on your face and began in the direction of the kitchen. You had a feeling things would be very different from now on, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to mind one bit.
. . . . . . .
In the two days since Jin had come home with you that stormy night, two things had become inherently clear to you. One, he was the sweetest person you had ever met in your life. He trailed after you like an eager puppy the entire time you were home, always helping you out and asking and saying things like, “Is there anything you need me to do?”, and “Here, let me get that for you.” It was an image you wouldn’t expect from one with feline genetics in their DNA. Altogether it was a stark change from your usual routine, but not an unwelcome one. The constant attention and Jin’s incredibly thoughtful nature were enough to throw your heart into a constant state of warmth, fondness blossoming in your chest with each gesture.
Second, it became clear to you that Jin was literally perfect. How you knew this? Not only was he the most beautiful person you had ever seen, but he laughed at all your dumb puns and jokes, and even made some himself. The amount of cat-related puns he was capable of producing was absolutely incredible, and often left you in awe. He was a genius. You didn’t think it was possible to grow so attached to someone this much this quickly, but here you were, happier than you’d ever been ever since the cat hybrid had come to stay.
You were currently in the kitchen, cutting up some fruit for you both to eat, and as soon as you finished and grabbed the plate to take it out, Jin swooped in with a bright smile and gently took it from your hands.
“I got it,” he beamed, tail curling happily as he turned and padded out of the kitchen, leaving you with a smile on your face and heat in your cheeks. This cat was going to be the end of you.
You watched his gait as he walked away, keeping an eye out for any indication he was in pain. The wound he’d had the other day (which you’d later found out was from one of the officers that had been harassing him and the others) had quickly healed thanks to his hybrid genetics, but even so you couldn’t help but be slightly concerned. It alarmed you, but you truly cared for him, even if you hadn’t known him that long.
The hybrid in question shot you a smile as you joined him at the table, cheeks full of watermelon and strawberries. That was another thing you’d noticed about him— he had an incredible love and appreciation for food. No matter what you placed in front of him he was eager to eat it, and he always thanked you excessively after each meal. You never realised how nice it was to have someone to share meals with before. It was almost… domestic, the routine you’d taken up in the last couple of days. The thought caused your heart to flip in your chest.
While you didn’t really expect him to recover that quickly from the thin, borderline-starved form he’d come here with, you were surprised to see that bit by bit the solid meals were helping to fill him out. Honestly, he ate like a pig but looked like an angel while doing it. It was enough to give you whiplash when you ate together.
It was a bit of a lazy day for you. You didn’t have work, or classes, so you were just making the most of your time at home. Usually having someone constantly hovering around you, borderline-clinging, would annoy the absolute hell out of you, but for some reason you didn’t mind at all with Jin. Perhaps it was because you could tell he sincerely just wanted to help, or because he was just… different from most of the people in your life.
You stole some of the blueberries from the plate, shooting the hybrid across from you a cheeky grin. He snorted. “If you were just going to eat them all why didn’t you just keep the bowl to yourself.”
Your eyebrows shot up, laughter bubbling in your throat. “Excuse me? I don’t think I need your cat-itude right now, mister. You ate all of the cherries yesterday. The entire punnet.”
Jin giggled at the pun you made, a cheeky grin stretching his plump lips. “I couldn’t help myself, they just looked so purrfect.”
You burst into laughter so suddenly you nearly choked on the blueberry in your mouth. The feline looked more than satisfied with his joke, leaning back with a proud smile on his face at having made you laugh, his tail curling into the air happily.
When your giggles began to cease you shot him a fond look. “That was terrible, I love it.”
The hybrid before you beamed at you, opening his mouth no doubt to let another pun loose when there was a sudden BANG as your front door was thrown open and hit the wall beside it. Both you and Jin nearly jumped out of your skin in fright, the feline yelping loudly.
“Oh— fuck! Oh no the— fuck, the wall… she’s gonna kill me… god damn it.”
You rolled your eyes as your heartbeat began to calm down, knowing almost instantly who it was that had burst into your house so unceremoniously. There was only one person you knew who was so heavily inclined to clumsiness and minor misfortune.
It didn’t occur to you, however, that Jin didn’t know who the strange person was that had just intruded upon your home and was suddenly entering the room from the hallway. A low growl split the air and caused a shiver to roll down the length of your spine, alerting you that Jin was not, in fact, on the same page as you, and if you didn’t bring him up to speed in the next couple of seconds your clumsy friend Namjoon was probably about to get scratched.
Said male froze in the doorway, a large bag in his arms and an alarmed look gracing his features. Jin’s snarl grew louder and you spun from Namjoon to face the hostile hybrid, whose eyes had turned to slits and hackles were raised. He was sitting forward in his chair, body coiled and ready to pounce at a moment’s notice. The protectiveness of his actions didn’t escape you and you couldn’t help the beats your heart skipped.
“Jin, it’s ok! This is Namjoon, he’s my friend and our neighbour. He lives on the floor above us.” you quickly reassured him, reaching across the table to gently grasp his hand where it was biting into the edge of the wood.
Jin jerked at your touch, pupils dilating from their slitted form and his eyes flying to your face in surprise, grip immediately loosening on the table. You smiled, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles soothingly, your heart swelling when his fingers slipped from the table to return your grip. “It’s ok, it’s all good. Joonie’s just an idiot who doesn’t know how to make a polite entrance.”
The tall male in question made an offended noise, but didn’t bother trying to deny it. Jin visibly relaxed, taking another look at Namjoon’s awkward form and friendly face and deeming him not a threat. In a split second you watched the hybrid’s demeanour go from protective straight to apologetic.
“I’m so sorry for growling at you,” Jin rushed, offering a sheepish look. “You really scared the hell out of me with the door though.”
Namjoon chuckled, posture easing as the tension left his body and he resumed his usual easy-going aura. His ability to take things as they came and roll with the punches was something you admired about him. It was probably why his father was so content with passing on his businesses and buildings to him; Namjoon was a good kid.
“It’s all good,” Namjoon chuckled, a sheepish look of his own splayed over his face. “I was trying to open it with one arm and overestimated how much strength I needed. Which reminds me.”
The tall male then turned to you, a bright, guilty smile on his face, cute dimple making an appearance. “The wall behind your door…”
You rolled your eyes, thumb still unconsciously rubbing over Jin’s knuckles. “Yeah, I know. I heard the bang.”
“I’ll cover it,” he said easily, moving forward and placing the bag in his arms down beside the table where you were seated. His purple locks were sticking slightly to his forehead from sweat. “And I brought the clothes you asked me to. I’m assuming this is Jin, and the clothes are for him?”
Your eyes flicked to Jin and you noticed the slightly confused look on his face when Namjoon said he would cover the cost of fixing the hole he’d made in the wall. “Namjoon’s dad owns half of this building complex and a lot of others, and our dear Joonie here is next in line.” You explained, smiling when the hybrid’s face lit up in understanding. You turned to your friend.
“And yeah, this is Jin. Jin, this is Namjoon,” you introduced them, before hopping up, your hand slipping from Jin’s, and nudging the bag of clothes Namjoon had brought towards the hybrid. “He has a lot of clothes but hardly wears any of them, so I asked him if he could give us the ones he didn’t want so you don’t have to go around in the same sweats and t-shirt every day.”
Jin looked so shocked at the concept of being given so many things for free you almost asked if he was okay. He reached a tentative hand to the bag and peered inside, looking up with a hesitant smile. “These… are for me?”
You nodded, Namjoon smiling at the hybrid. “Yep. She’s right, I have way too many clothes. I’ve hardly worn any of them so hopefully they don’t smell too bad.”
The smile Jin flashed at both of you nearly blinded you with its sheer brightness and beauty. “Thank you!” he said, resembling an eager child that had just been given a gift for a split second. He jumped up, grasping the bag. “If it’s ok, can I go shower and change into some now…?”
You grinned, “Of course, silly kitty. You don’t have to ask— they’re yours, and you’re allowed to do what you want here.”
Jin shot you a grateful smile, cheeks pink once more, before thanking Namjoon again and flouncing off in the direction of the bathroom, tail swinging happily behind him and ears perked in happiness. The sound of the bathroom door swinging shut greeted your ears moments later, and you turned to face Namjoon.
“He seems really nice,” Namjoon said before you could even think to open your mouth. His grin changed in tone, a sly glint entering his eyes as he shot you a pointed look. “And it looks like you’re getting along splendidly, if that hand-holding was anything to go by…”
All at once you felt your face flush, heat rolling up your cheeks as you sputtered in an attempt to form a reply. “I— you— shut up, you clumsy string bean.”
Namjoon cackled, moving to take a seat at the table and plopping down. He immediately went for the fruit in front of him, slipping a strawberry in his mouth. “Don’t get mad,” he said around a mouthful of fruit, shooting you a dimpled smile. “You two look cute together.”
You nearly threw sliced watermelon at him but refrained, instead falling back into your seat with a resigned sigh. It was easier to just admit he had leverage over you. For such a clumsy butt he was incredibly perceptive. It was often your downfall.
“Whatever, you butt.” You roll your eyes, taking some fruit for yourself. “How have you been? I haven’t heard you stumbling around the halls in a while.”
Namjoon laughed, picking up another strawberry. “Classes have been… wild. Most of them are pretty chill, but there’s one in particular…. The workload is insane.”
You were reminded of one of your own classes that put you in a similar situation. You shuddered. Bad juju.
“Other than that,” the tall male continued. “I’ve just been doing a lot of stuff for my dad; he’s been teaching me a lot, training me up. He gets me to handle a lot more of the work nowadays.”
You hummed in understanding, plopping a couple more blueberries in your mouth. “Oooh, things are getting wild for our dear Joonie. You seem like you’re handling it pretty well, but you gotta make sure to take care of yourself, okay? I don’t know the pincode to your apartment so I can’t bust in there and save you if you forgot to buy coffee and are having a crisis on the kitchen floor.”
Namjoon snickered. “Aye aye, captain.”
Before you could muster a sassy enough retort the sound of the bathroom door opening cut you off, and seconds later you were greeted with the sight of an eager, beaming Jin. You nearly choked.
He looked incredible. A light pink, fluffy turtleneck fit his upper half snugly, accentuating his broad shoulders, and dark denim covered his thighs, donned with the occasional rip and clinging to the muscle but still loose enough to allow proper movement. They were no doubt expensive clothes if not designer, and he looked amazing. You could feel heat returning to your cheeks as Jin spun flamboyantly, arms outstretched and a smile on his face that could outshine the sun.
“How do I look?” he asked, striking a modest pose, his raven tail swinging and curling happily in the air behind him.
You couldn’t muster the words to speak for a second, but luckily Namjoon came to your rescue.
“Woah, they really suit you!” he complimented earnestly, eyes wide. “They look much better on you than they did on me. Are they comfortable?”
The hybrid nodded, before pausing. “Actually, they are, but with the pants, um…”
You managed to tear yourself out of your momentary stupor, clearing your throat and shooting him a reassuring smile. “There’s no hole for your tail, right? We can cut one, since these are your clothes now.”
Jin smiled gratefully at you, shooting Namjoon another meaningful look. “Thank you so much. Now I feel even worse for growling at you.”
The taller male laughed, dimples making an appearance once more. “Don’t even worry about it, it happens. I’m happy to help, and I’m glad you like them.”
The raven-haired hybrid padded over to the table, sitting back down where he had previously. Namjoon started another conversation, changing the topic, and Jin eagerly joined in. It made your heart swell with pride and happiness; the two got along like peas in a pod, better than you could have ever hoped.
Namjoon spent the rest of the day over at yours, and by the time dinner was done and he had left back out the front door Jin had gained yet another friend and become that much more entwined into your life. That night, before you both went to bed in your separate rooms, he surprised you with a hug. His long arms wound around your waist and he clutched you tightly, burying his face into your neck. You didn’t doubt he could hear the erratic beating of your heart as you returned the hug, your own arms winding over his shoulders.
“I know I’ve said it before, but thank you, y/n. You’ve done more for me than anyone else in my life ever has, and I honestly… I honestly don’t know where I, let alone the others, would be without you and your help so from the bottom of my heart… thank you.” he murmured into your skin, sending your pulse racing and causing your breath to hitch quietly.
You hummed, not trusting your voice, your fingers coming up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. You felt it as a shiver travelled the length of his spine at your ministration, and you paused, moving your hand a bit higher so you didn’t make him uncomfortable and ruin this moment.
“You’re more than welcome, Jin.” you said finally, after holding him for a few moments more. He sagged slightly in your arms as he let out a breath of relief, and you felt a little bad it took you so long to formulate your thoughts. “You deserve a better life than what you had, and they do too. I’m happy to help however I can, kitty.”
There was the usual jerk of his body at the nickname and you bit back a chuckle, Jin’s voice coming out more strained as he spoke. “Thank you,” he said quietly, falling silent for a few moments before speaking again. “And I wanted to tell you… My name, my full name… it’s Seokjin.”
You pulled back, shooting him a playful smile as your hands slid down his arms from his neck and came to grasp his hands. “Seokjin? A handsome name for a handsome guy. Is this you subtly hinting for me to stop calling you kitty?”
The male before you flushed, stuttering. “No! No I… I like it, it… it’s nice. You don’t have to stop.”
You laughed softly, booping him gently on the nose as you had two days prior, the resulting flush in his cheeks the same as it had been last time. “Good, cause I like it too. It’d be a shame if I had to find another endearing nickname. Nothing flows quite as well as ‘kitty’, does it, kitty?”
If possible, the blush in Seokjin’s cheeks darkened even further and he let out a strangled noise. “Nope!” he burst, pulling back. “You’re right, n-nothing does. I’m, uh— ah, so tired, I’m going to— I’m going to bed now, mmhm. Goodnight y/n!”
With that he stepped back, moving as though to turn and walk away, before he rethought his actions and turned back, lurching forward to deliver a prompt kiss to your forehead before reeling back.
“Goodnight!” he burst again, flashing you a bright smile before spinning and making a swift escape down the hall to his room, the sound of his door abruptly shutting greeting your ears moments later. You stood there, thoroughly shaken, as heat began to creep up into your cheeks once more. You raised a hand subconsciously to your forehead where his lips had been, eyes wide, and slowly turned, making your way back into your bedroom.
As you climbed into bed and got comfortable, preparing for a sleep, the only thought on your mind was of how you could still feel his soft lips against your skin and how your heart still hadn’t stopped racing.
. . . . . . . . . .
You were humming to yourself, an upbeat tune, as you climbed the stairs to your apartment. You’d noticed that lately, Jin had seemed a little… off. He was still bright and funny and an absolute pleasure to be around, but sometimes the glimmer in his eyes didn’t match the brilliant smile he flashed your way. It had taken you a while, you’d puzzled over it for a couple of weeks, and finally you’d realised—
Seokjin was lonely.
Sure, he had you, and you spent all your time with him when you weren’t at work or attending classes, but when he’d been on the streets he’d been with Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung. He was used to living with his family. Sure, he had you as company, but you couldn’t fill the space in his heart reserved for the brothers he loved and cared for so much. It made you a little sad, but you understood, and he never said or did anything to indicate it to you but you knew it was true.
Despite the fact that Jungkook was constantly blowing up your phone as of late (just as you thought this, your phone buzzed against your thigh once more— you noted to check it once you reached your door), you didn’t know what Taehyung and Jimin were up to all the time, so you could only reassure the hybrid living down the hall so much. To be honest, you didn’t know what to do to cheer up someone who wasn’t overtly sad. You were a bit clueless, but you tried your best…
Which was why you were climbing the stairs right now, ice-creams in hand from the store down the street. A couple of days ago you had subtly asked Seokjin if he’d had ice-cream before, to which he’d replied he hadn’t, but it sounded “paw-sitively delicious” (honestly you adored him but sometimes his puns made even you want to jump out the window, even if you did laugh your ass off when he said it). So, you’d gotten to thinking— which, on the odd occasion, could be dangerous, but this time you were doing something nice. You’d bought some ice cream for you and Seokjin to share, in the hopes that it would cheer him up for now, just long enough for you to talk to Jungkook and see if there was anything you could organise for Seokjin to see his ‘babies’ (as he’s once casually referred to them) again.
You finally hit the top of the stairs, your feet carrying you the rest of the way to your door with ease despite the pain in your calves and thighs. You were slightly out of breath, but not embarrassingly so like the time you’d gotten halfway to work before remembering you’d left the iron on and then running the entire way back.
You stopped before your door, pausing to pull out your phone and seeing a text from Jungkook— or rather multiple texts, just like you expected.
Jeon Jungshook [10:26AM]
y/n
what are you doing today?
Jeon Jungshook [10:28AM]
y/n
y/n
oh my god are u ignoring me??
again???
Jeon Jungshook [10:29AM]
wow
WOW
fine have it ur way
Jeon Jungshook [10:30AM]
see u in the fukcen pit
To say you were confused would be a massive understatement. Confused, but not surprised. You simply shrugged, moving towards the door and about to use your free hand to open it when you noticed something white by your feet. Confused, you bent down and picked it up, turning it over. To your surprise, it was a letter addressed to you. Usually your mail was delivered to the large wall of mailboxes at the front of the building, so it was odd for this letter to be lying in front of your door like that.
Shrugging, you slipped it under your arm and pulled out your keys, unlocking the door and skipping inside with a large smile. “Kitty! I’m home!!”
There was a scuffle somewhere in the house as you padded into the loungeroom, placing your bag and the letter on the kitchen bench as you walked past. Seokjin burst into the loungeroom just as you did, handsome features lighting up as he caught sight of you.
“You’re back!” he cheered, dashing forward to dip his head and brush his nose against yours, arms embracing you briefly before he danced back with a bright smile. Heat rushed to your cheeks before you could stop it, staining them pink as you stuttered slightly. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it— that had been a week or so ago and honestly, you were still recovering— but your heart still skipped a beat nonetheless. Ever since that night in the hallway, there had been a large jump in Seokjin’s affectionate gestures for you— not that you minded, quite the opposite actually. You loved it, not that you’d ever admit it out loud. You felt like a schoolgirl having her first crush. He’d become so touchy, cuddly and clingy. You guessed this was what he was normally like when he was comfortable with someone, and it made your heart race after skipping a good one or two beats. You’d never felt so warm, so looked-after.
“That I am, my purr-etty housemate,” you snickered, Jin bursting into laughter at your joke. “And I come bearing gifts! Well, a gift. Here, yours is the one with a wafer stick.”
Jin’s eyes lit up like the stars in the night sky at the sight of the delicious looking food in your hands. You watched as he pieced things together. A gasp left his lips, eyes finding yours.
“Ice-cream?” he asked, biting his full bottom lip as though to contain the hope bubbling within him in anticipation for your answer. You shot him a wild smile.
“Of course, kitty,” you laughed lightly. “I couldn’t sleep knowing you hadn’t tried it, so I went and got it for us.”
Seokjin beamed, and it was almost blinding how beautiful he was with such happiness colouring his angelic features, his cheeks pink as he lurched forward and pressed a sudden kiss to your cheek. “Thank you!”
He pulled back, eyes on the ice-cream in your hand as he took it gingerly into his hand and sniffed it, tongue peeping out delicately to deliver a tentative lick. You hadn’t even recovered from the kiss on the cheek and already here you were, dying all over again at how god damn cute he was and how much he looked like a kitten licking his ice-cream like that.
The hybrid made a surprised noise of enjoyment that bordered on sinful and shot you a wide-eyed look of wonder before he dug in, enjoying the treat you’d bought.
Fighting the blush that wanted to stain your cheeks a darker pink, you smiled at him and began eating your own cone of ice-cream, moving over to plop down on the couch with a satisfied hum. Jin joined you quickly, thigh brushing yours as he reclined and continued eating his treat, the occasional pleased noise rising from his throat. He’d even begun purring, to your surprise, he was so content and satisfied where he was.
It didn’t take long for the both of you to finish, and you hummed as you licked the remainder of the sticky substance from your fingers. Jin was still purring away next to you, tail curling against your arm, the silky fur brushing your skin and eliciting a tiny shiver from you. You turned to the hybrid, a smile on your face.
“How was it? Was it ‘paw-sitively delicious’ like you thought it would be?” you grinned, watching as Jin laughed in-between licks of his own long, slender fingers. He nodded, purrs rumbling in his chest, and he shot you a bright smile.
“Even better,” he said, a satisfied look on his face before he looked at you fully and his gaze zeroed in on your cheek.
You didn’t even have time to react before he was leaning in, his soft tongue swiping against your skin as it peeped out of his mouth to deliver a quick lick at the corner of your lips. Your heart nearly dropped through the floor, skin flushing as he pulled back, licking his lips with all the satisfaction of the cat that ate the canary.
You hadn’t even had a split second to process what had just happened when the familiar sound of your front door bursting open greeted your ears (causing Jin to nearly jump out of his skin), your heart stopping in your chest once more as voices quickly approached and then all of a sudden one Jeon Jungkook was standing in the doorway of your living room, two bustling hybrids behind him. You jerked back, cheeks aflame, but it was too late— the damage had been done. You watched as Jungkook’s eyes, which had been trained on the scene before him, the small distance between your face and Jin’s and the already pink tint to your face, went from shock and surprise to sly and smug, a combination that filled you with dread.
“Oho, what did we just walk in on?” he grinned, revelling in the look of resignation on your face. “y/n, you two have gotten so close!”
You were so god damn embarrassed you were about to throw the little shit out the window, but before you could move an inch there were two cries and the sudden blur of two hybrids dashing across your living room.
“Jin!” came the synchronised yelp from both Taehyung and Jimin as they tackled the male in question into the couch. The feline let out an ‘oof!’ before his arms came up to embrace the two puppies that were hugging him like they’d honestly thought they’d never see him again.
“My babies!” Seokjin cried, the slightest inklings of tears welling in his eyes as he hugged the two puppy hybrids back with just as much enthusiasm. Their little tails were wagging a mile a minute and Seokjin’s own was swishing furiously.
He sniffed, pulling back to hurriedly wipe his eyes. His hands came up to pinch their cheeks. “You both look so good! Look at your cheeks! Cute babies, Jungkook has been treating you well!”
They both nodded furiously, almost crying themselves, and Seokjin yanked them in for another hug, looking at said male over their shoulders. “Thank you.”
Jungkook looked touched, a fond smile on his face. “It’s no problem. I have to ask though, how the hell do you manage them? They have… so much energy? Running around all over the place, all the time.”
Seokjin laughed, the two hybrids slipping from his lap to slot themselves beside him on the couch— which meant you were quickly reacquainted with Taehyung as he slid right off Jin’s lap and onto yours. He spun in your lap, smiling brightly at you and cheering, “y/n!” before you were enveloped in the most enthusiastic hug you would ever receive in your life. The grey-haired hybrid quickly pulled back to shoot you a smile and rub your noses together before he reclined against you, arms still around your neck. You resigned yourself to the fact you were going to exist as a makeshift chair for Taehyung for however long they were here.
“They’ve always had energy, but I imagine regular meals would result in a massive spike. I’m surprised you’ve survived.” Seokjin grinned, petting Jimin’s head fondly. The blonde hybrid leaned into the touch, snuggling against him. Taehyung whined, wanting affection too, and grabbed your hand to place it on his head before he snuggled into you, adjusting his position and resting his head against your shoulder. You felt your heart warm at his affectionate gestures, acquiescing to his wishes and brushing your fingers through his hair. His tail wagged happily.
Jungkook strolled over and plopped himself onto an armchair nearby, grinning. “Honestly, same.” He said, crossing one leg over the other as he reclined. “To be honest I thought Taehyung was going to be the wildest one but…”
You turned to face Jimin, shock striking you at the devious little grin he sent Jungkook. You thought he was shy and timid….?!
Jungkook muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, ‘for someone so cute he can be so dangerous’. You looked between the two before shaking your head and turning to Jungkook.
“This is great and all, but why did you burst into my home unannounced?” you asked, drilling Jungkook with a withering look. If he’d hit the door into the wall and put another hole in it after Namjoon had fixed the one he made with his own entrance then so help you, you were going to put the fear of god back in him—
Jungkook snorted, resting his head on his hand. “It wouldn’t have been unannounced if you just checked your phone and responded for once in your life. Honestly, how do you go so long without seeing texts? I’ve been blowing up your phone all week.”
“Oh, I’ve been checking my phone,” you said, and the look of slighted outrage on Jungkook’s face was enough to make you grin.
“So you’ve just been ignoring me?! I was only kidding about that, oh my god you’re a terrible friend—"
You shrugged. “You’re annoying,” you said in explanation, snickering as Jungkook squinted at you in disbelief.
“How could you even say that—”
Your banter was interrupted as your front door was thrown open once more and met with the wall behind it, making you wince before glaring. There was only one other person besides Namjoon, who you knew to be at work, that knew your pin code.
“Min Yoongi you little shit tell me you did not just put another hole in the wall!” you yelled, causing Taehyung to jump despite his snickering.
Sure enough the blue-haired genius himself rounded the corner to your living room, an enthusiastic hybrid springing from behind him to launch himself at you and the others on the couch. Your eyes widened in horror, cringing already. “NO—”
“Jin! Tae! Jimin!!” Hoseok cried, landing on you all and causing a groan of pain to escape you and Jin. You felt all of the air leave you at once, but you couldn’t even be angry at the dogpile currently forming on top of you when you haven’t seen a look so radiant and shining with happiness on Seokjin’s face in weeks. So he was lonely, you think, unable to help the fond smile rising to your lips as you watch him embrace all his ‘babies’ once more, looking overjoyed. These boys had a place in his heart that couldn’t ever be filled by anything else— they were his family, and he would always be happiest around them. You didn’t think anything would ever be strong enough to come between the bonds they’d forged on the streets.
“DJ Suga!” Jungkook cheered, leaping from his spot on the armchair to jump on the shorter male. Yoongi staggered under Jungkook’s weight, arms coming up to brace both himself and the younger boy. “You really came! I thought you were gonna ignore me like you usually do.”
“I was tempted,” the blue-haired male admitted, causing Jungkook to pout. Yoongi’s dark eyes shifted to where Hoseok was, laying across everyone and having the time of his life, tail a blur. “But the second I mentioned seeing the others to him I knew I couldn’t deny him this. Have you seen him? It’s— it’s like, if the sun and the stars were physically able to procreate, the result would be him. I can’t say no to him.”
Jungkook shot the blue-haired male a weird look, stepping back a bit as he regarded him in a new light. Yoongi didn’t even notice, still watching Hoseok hug the life out of Jimin, unaware of the small smile creeping onto his face as he observed them.
“Yah!” came Seokjin’s cry from beneath the heap of hybrids wriggling on top of him (the temptation of a dogpile with his favourite people had become too much for Taehyung and he’d ditched your lap for a place on top). “Get off you ungrateful children, you’re going to kill your mother!”
The three canine hybrids slid off one by one, giggling at Jin’s red face and mock-angry expression as he panted to catch his breath.
You smiled, looking over the scene before you. Seokjin was smiling—beaming, really— and looking so happy that you had an inexplicable urge blooming in your chest; a need to keep it that way and make sure he was never down or sad or lonely again.
Yoongi, Jungkook and their respective hybrid housemates stayed for the rest of the day, all of you ordering takeaway for dinner. Surrounded by his old family and his new one, Seokjin wasn’t lonely, and you couldn’t have asked for anything more.
. . . . . .
It was late, your guests had left not long ago, and you were standing in the kitchen with a frown on your face. The paper in your hands was stiff against your skin, high quality and likely expensive. Which, of course it would be. It had come from the owners of the building complex you lived in after all.
‘Dear y/n l/n,
We have been notified via an anonymous tip that in addition to yourself in apartment 23, you are also currently housing a hybrid of the feline variety. As you would no doubt find upon reading the rules and regulations of your contract and this building, hybrids are strictly forbidden on the premises. You have been given until December 31 to find a solution to this problem. If it comes to this time and an action has not been made, we will be forced to take further action. We thank you in advance for your understanding.’
You looked over it once more, frowning. To be honest, you’d forgotten you weren’t meant to have hybrids in this building. It was a dumb rule, you’d thought as much when you’d first read it, and then proceeded to completely forget about it as soon as you’d signed your contract and started living there. To be honest, you were a little surprised. This building was half owned by Namjoon’s father, and that entire family had nothing against hybrids and would never put in place such a rule— they were the kind of people that actively fought for hybrid rights in this society. You made a note to ask the clumsy male about it sometime soon.
Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of long arms slipping around your waist, a chin coming to rest on your shoulder. You knew it was Jin even before his soft tail brushed against your leg and curled around your thigh. You let the paper drop gently to the bench, spinning in the male’s arms and shooting him a wide grin.
“Ah, kitty!” you crooned, reaching up to card your fingers through his soft raven hair and scratch behind his ears. They flickered happily, and he burst almost immediately into soft purrs. His cheeks, of course, were pink from your nickname for him. You took in his pleased, content expression with a smile. “You look much happier now, I’m glad— both that you got to see your family again, and that you’re happier. It makes me happy when you’re happy.”
Jin seemed slightly taken aback, mouth dropping open slightly. “I-I’ve been happy!” he said, eyes wide. “I’m happy here, with you.”
You grinned, shaking your head. “Maybe so, but you’re happier with the others around. Your happiness is important to me, Seokjin. I notice when you’re lonely, or down, and that beautiful smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes like it usually does.”
Seokjin flushed, stuttering. “I’m, uh— y-you—"
You cupped his cheeks, laughing a little. “Don’t worry, I understand. They’re your family after all, it’s normal to miss them! I’d miss you if you weren’t here.”
If it was possible for him to blush any more you didn’t doubt he would as he leant into your soft touch. “I’d miss you, too.” He mumbled softly, clutching your shirt around your waist.
You couldn’t help the bright smile that tugged your lips as you squished his cheeks together. “Oh Jinnie, you know just what to say to make a girl’s heart race!”
Seokjin snorted at your words, the awkwardness of the moment for him dispelled by your poor humour. “You’re an idiot,” he said fondly, before clutching you tighter and pulling you in for a warm hug. “Thank you.”
You laughed into his shoulder, hugging him back tightly. “No problem! It’s a natural talent.”
You could almost feel the hybrid rolling his eyes. Grinning, you pulled back. “Well! It’s been a long day, for both of us I think, so I’m going to head to bed. Are you gonna sleep soon?”
Seokjin nodded, a small yawn climbing his throat at the mention of sleep. “Yeah… y/n, can I ask you a favour?”
You tilted your head, looking at him curiously. “Of course, what is it?”
Seokjin averted his gaze, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he mulled over how to word what he wanted. You waited patiently for him to speak.
“Can I…” he started, gulping before he returned his gaze to you, pupils large. “Do you mind if I sleep with you, tonight?”
At your startled look he was quick to explain. “Not like that! It’s just, when we were on the street we would all sleep together, so sleeping alone… it’s a lot different. It’s…”
“Lonely?” you finished, offering a smile when he nodded. Your cheeks were pink as you spoke. “But yeah, of course you can. I’ve never really shared a bed with anyone before though, so don’t blame me if I snore or something.”
Seokjin laughed, his entire face lighting up. “Thank you, y/n.” He leant down, nuzzling his nose against yours before rubbing your cheeks together. You couldn’t stop the heat that rushed to your face, and it was your turn to sputter. Your stomach was doing flips.
The hybrid giggled, grasping your hand and tugging you in the direction of your room. You let him, turning the kitchen light off as you went past the switch.
Seokjin parted from you to get changed on the way and you took the opportunity to slip into your own pyjamas before he came back. Now dressed in your sleeping shirt and shorts, you pulled back the covers and slipped in, nestling deep into the sheets and letting out a comfortable sigh.
It didn’t take long for Seokjin to shuffle into the room, sending you a shy grin. You pulled the covers back on the other side and he happily moved over, climbing in. His warm hands immediately found your waist as he snuggled into the sheets, pulling you closer and burying his face into the back of your neck, his arms wrapped comfortably around you. With his exceptional hearing you were sure he could hear how your heart was racing, beating erratically against your chest. You couldn’t get rid of the grin on your face.
“Goodnight, kitty. Sleep well.”
You felt him wriggle slightly, grip tightening as he buried his face further into your neck in embarrassment. “Goodnight, y/n. Sweet dreams.”
Your eyes fluttered closed, smile on your face, and slowly you slipped into the best sleep of your life, more comfortable and relaxed than you’d ever been before.
. . . . . . .
The following weeks were spent studying, attending classes and final exams, work, and the remainder of your time with Jin. Amongst all that, you’d also been looking for a solution to the current housing problem you were faced with. You had long since questioned Namjoon about the letter you had received, and he’d seemed slightly shocked before realisation took over his features and he explained that it wasn’t a stipulation put in place by his father, but rather his business partner, the one that owned the other half of the building. He informed you that his father had actually been trying to get them to change that rule, but with no success so far. You’d nodded, not really surprised. You hadn’t thought it was Namjoon’s father that had put the rule there— it conflicted with everything the family stood for. But you now knew that there would likely be no way to get around it besides kicking Jin out— and that was something you were absolutely not going to do. To be honest the thought hadn’t even seriously crossed your mind. Seokjin was far more important to you than some apartment. You could find another place to live, but you couldn’t find another Jin.
Namjoon had proposed some solutions to you, and you’d talked with Yoongi and Jungkook about possible options. You’d decided on a course of action about a week ago and to your pleasant surprise you’d received another letter the previous morning that informed you everything was in place.
Which was actually excellent timing. Back when Seokjin had first started staying with you, you’d made sure to ask him his birthday and note it in your calendar— you really didn’t want to miss such an important date. Seokjin hadn’t seemed too fussed or excited when he’d told you December 4, which was a mere few months away at the time, yet you’d been mentally counting down the days ever since. He’d mentioned that he’d never really celebrated much, it had never been much of a big deal for him. This was unacceptable to you, and you vowed to make it the best birthday he could ever ask for. You’d been a little unsure what to get for a present, but now that your plans had fallen into place so nicely, you knew exactly what to do, and you had the next couple of days to plan before his birthday finally arrived.
You were itching to tell him about your plans. Seokjin hadn’t changed in how he’d acted around you, but you knew he’d seen the letter. You hadn’t exactly hidden it, and you’d walked into the kitchen to see him reading it the day after you received it. He never mentioned it to you, but you knew he felt bad, and you knew he was so selfless and considerate of others he was probably trying to think of what he could do to fix the situation. The sooner you hugged him and eased his worries and fears the better.
This particular morning you’d woken up to find Seokjin in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for the both of you. When you’d first opened your eyes to find the bed beside you empty, you’d been a little disheartened. Ever since that night Seokjin had made a habit of sleeping in your bed, curled against you or holding you close like he never wanted to let you go. Honestly, you didn’t mind one bit. At this point you were comfortable admitting the massive crush you’d developed on him— you liked him, a lot. Your heart fluttered with each smile and joke he sent your way and honestly you adored him so much, with all your heart, how his ears twitched cutely and his tail would wrap around you whenever you were nearby. It was a little hopeless but you couldn’t help it. He was the most beautiful person you’d ever met, both inside and out.
It had been the sound of soft, angelic singing brushing against your ears from beyond the room that had alerted you as to where he was. You’d wandered out, sleepily rubbing your eyes, to find him in the kitchen, humming an upbeat tune as he made eggs and toast, along with some bacon for you both. During his time here he’d helped you cook a couple of times and discovered it was something he really enjoyed. You’d immediately indulged it, going out and buying several recipe books you thought he’d like and buying ingredients he’d request. Cooking during the day meant there was less time to feel lonely while you were gone, plus you were eager to support anything that made him happy.
The sight caused a wave of warmth to bloom in your heart and you immediately moved forward, winding your arms around his waist in a backhug as he so often did to you. He jumped slightly, too distracted by the task at hand to have heard you approach like he usually would.
“Good morning!” you greeted, leaning around him to glimpse at the food. You hummed, your mouth watering. It looked absolutely delicious. “Oh my god, Jin, that looks so good.”
Seokjin beamed at the praise, leaning back into your hold subconsciously, his tail winding securely around your thigh. “Thank you, I tried my best since you deserve the best.” He grinned, looking over his shoulder at you with a prompt wink.
You couldn’t help the sudden flush of heat that made its home in your cheeks, you were so caught off guard. You planted your face in his back, groaning at the cheesiness and he burst into laughter, shaking in your hold. When had he gotten so bold? So cheeky?!
“Silly kitty,” you muttered into his back with a fond shake of your head before you pulled away, moving to stand beside him as he cooked. You reached up and began petting his head, running your fingers through his hair and scratching behind his ear. Almost immediately he burst into loud, enthusiastic purring, his face flushing in embarrassment at his instinctive reaction to your touch.
“Oh wow,” you giggled, continuing your ministrations. Jin didn’t complain, simply proceeding with his cooking, cheeks a delicate pink as he shot you a playful glare, still purring.
Breakfast passed with an amicable, comfortable atmosphere. You asked him what he was going to be doing today, since you had to go out for a bit (to buy things for his birthday, but he didn’t have to know that). He’d told you he would probably nap for a bit, then maybe cook something else or watch a show he’d been meaning to binge on Netflix. You nodded; it sounded like a good day. You were glad he wouldn’t be bored.
After cleaning up your plate from breakfast you went and showered, washing your hair and just relaxing while you could. You had the rest of the week off from work, and school had ended the previous week, so you were keen to de-stress. To your surprise, as you exited the bathroom you almost ran into Jin, who had been waiting with a slightly nervous look on his face.
“Oh! Hey kitty, how come you were waiting out here?” you asked, using your towel to dry the ends of your hair further.
Seokjin shot you a smile, one that never failed to make your heart skip a beat, and opened his mouth to explain. “Um, well… I wanted to ask you something.”
Your eyebrows rose, and you looked at him curiously, mind going back to all the other times he’d started with something similar to this. “Shoot, my dear.”
The pet name had come out by accident, but you were pleasantly surprised by the way the hybrid’s cheeks painted pink once more. Oh my, is he embarrassed?
“Well, you’ve done a lot for me, and you always do a lot, and I just kind of realised… I never really made it up to you? And I want to. I want to pay you back somehow, even if I can’t really do much, so…”
You were about to argue that he didn’t need to pay you back, having him here wasn’t a problem and you loved having him here— didn’t want him to leave, really— when he continued. “I just… want to show you how much I appreciate all you’ve done for me, and how you care for me, and so I… want to show you and care for you too.”
You were sure he could tell how surprised you were from the look on your face, and he grinned awkwardly, moving forward to grasp your hand. He brought it up to deliver a quick kiss to your knuckles— you cheeks were flaming— before grinning and tugging you along after him in the direction of the living room. Here he directed you to the floor in front of the couch where he’d laid some cushions, and sat behind you with his legs either side of your shoulders once you lowered yourself down. Turning your head to the side, you caught sight of the brush and argan hair oil you used to treat your hair, and a large, delighted grin found its way to your lips.
Jin confirmed your suspicions a moment later when he brought his hands to your hair, dragging his fingers through gently to disperse any knots tangling the damp strands. He hesitated before reaching for the brush. “Is it okay if I brush your hair?”
You snorted lightly, unable to help the small giggle that escaped you. You could imagine Jin’s affronted look. “You’re asking this now? Of course, silly kitty.”
Jin hummed, eagerly picking up the brush and beginning to gently pull it through your hair. Each movement he made was gentle and pleasant, and you found yourself quickly relaxing beneath his touch. With the bristles of the brush dragging gently against your head like a subtle head massage you couldn’t help but let out a soft, content sigh. As he pulled the brush through your hair, his other hand would come and replace it, nails dragging gently against your scalp as he pulled them through your hair as well.
He continued brushing for a while, long after all knots were out of your hair, and you had the feeling that at this point he was doing it to pamper you— he had said he wanted to show you he cared for you too, after all. Your heart swelled in your chest at the thought, hope for something you didn’t want to acknowledge causing it to beat a little faster. You sincerely hoped he was too distracted to catch it with his sensitive hearing.
You were almost sad when he put the brush down, movements halting. You longed for his touch again, as embarrassing as it was. Jin was humming softly as he leaned to gather some of the argan oil on his hands, and you realised belatedly he was humming along to the tune from the TV— you hadn’t even realised it was on, to be honest. You were too busy enjoying the hybrid’s undivided attention.
Jin worked the oil through your hair, concentrating on the ends and steering mostly clear of your roots as he’d seen you do before, and you were both surprised and touched he’d not only paid attention but remembered it, storing the knowledge for later.
Your eyes had closed a while ago, instinctively fluttering shut so you could focus on the pleasant sensations, and so it took you a while to realise that Jin had stopped rubbing the oil into your hair and was instead playing with it, shifting and weaving it, and it took you a couple of seconds longer to realise he was attempting to braid it. You honestly didn’t have words for how soft your heart felt right now, swelling with love and affection for the hybrid being so sweet to you.
It took him a while— not that you were complaining, because you absolutely weren’t— but eventually Jin finished braiding your hair. It was loose and in no way as secure as you usually had it, but it worked and the fact that he’d done it himself made it much more meaningful.
His hands slipped from your head and you let out a soft sigh, shifting your shoulders back and preparing to get up, assuming he was done.
“Thanks, Jinnie,” you began to say, hands gripping the floor as you started to shift before the sudden sound of Jin’s voice halted you.
“Wait!” he exclaimed, hands coming to fall on your shoulders so you couldn’t get up yet. “Don’t go yet! It’s still early, can you stay a bit more? Relax for a bit before you go…”
Jin’s voice trailed off towards the end, less strong than when he had begun speaking. You settled back onto the floor, turning your head to shoot him a reassuring smile. Truthfully, you weren’t in that much of a rush, and if he wanted you to stay a bit longer and spend more time with him then you were more than happy to oblige.
“Of course, kitty,” you agreed easily, resting your cheek against his thigh for a second as you shot him another soft smile. “I can stay a bit longer for you.”
You caught sight of the beam Jin sent your way before you turned back around and to your surprise, as you faced the television once more, Jin’s large hands began to gently knead your shoulders and the tense muscles of your neck. You let out a pleasant hum as he whispered a soft, “Thank you.”
You laughed, settling against the couch and his legs with ease. You didn’t think you’d ever be as comfortable with anyone as you were with him.
You spent the rest of the morning there with Jin, moving to the couch next to him and winding your arms around his form after a good while (his massage had been heavenly). You made sure to give him attention back, letting him know how much you appreciated him by holding him close and running a hand through his hair, scratching behind his ears. He didn’t stop purring, even as you left to get ready and finally exited through the door.
Yes, he was sure, as he gazed at the spot where you’d just been before you’d left the apartment completely, he was sure he would never be as comfortable with anyone as he was with you. He’d never find a home to replace the one he had here right now with you, and honestly? He was fine with that. If it meant seeing your bright eyes and beaming smile every day, then he was fine with anything.
. . . . . . . . . .
Everything, surprisingly enough, was going perfectly.
Today was the day— the day you were celebrating Jin, and also the day you’d tell him your plans about the letter so he could stop worrying. In honour of his birthday you’d invited his family, new and old, which meant that right now there were four very hyper hybrids running about your house, and two very tired make-shift owners in your kitchen helping you bake. Namjoon was currently acting as the babysitter, situated in the living room and, ironically, making sure they didn’t break anything. He was also in charge of making sure no one came near the kitchen so that it would remain a surprise what you were making and also so that Jungkook and Yoongi had some time to recharge.
“Did you know Jiminie can dance?” Jungkook gushed, apparently never too tired to boast about his housemates. “He’s so beautiful when he dances, hyung. I’m kind of jealous— his movements are so smooth and fluid. He makes me feel like a plastic doll when I dance with him.”
Yoongi was quick to roll his eyes, sipping his coffee. “Oh? Hobi can dance too, he’s amazing. No matter what beat I play, he jumps up and he moves to it. He looks so cool, like a professional dancer.”
You wanted to roll your own eyes— they sounded like old women boasting about their children. Idly, you continued mixing the icing as the two bickered playfully behind you. You peered over at the bowl beside you full of cupcake mixture, squinting. Did you already add the chocolate chips? You stared into the bowl, before ultimately shrugging and pausing your stirring to pour the rest of the bag in. Some more couldn’t hurt.
“Oh yeah?” Jungkook’s voice rose in pitch, eyebrow cocking in a challenge. “Tae found my camera the other day, and started taking pictures. Once I showed him how he was off like a pro, his photos look like they came from a famous photographer.”
Yoongi, bless his soul, was not one to be beaten. “Actually, I was playing a track off my mixtape the other day, working through some lyrics, and Hobi came and sat beside me and started rapping to some of the lines. He’s pretty good, actually.”
“Are you going to boast like proud middle-age women about their successful children for the rest of the day or are you actually going to help me bake this cake?” you cut them off before they could continue anymore, amused.
They jumped, Jungkook sending you a sheepish look and Yoongi taking a large sip of his coffee to hide his face. The youngest quickly moved over, asking what you needed help with and you laughed, directing him to a bowl that needed mixing. You were making a large chocolate cake along with a some cupcakes and a cheesecake, the latter having already been made and placed in the fridge the night before. You were ordering all of Jin’s favourite food later for dinner, and the cakes and cupcakes were for after. You weren’t worried about him or any of your guests not having room after dinner— you had a feeling that they could fit it all in and more.
There was a loud shriek and you glanced over in time to see Taehyung and Jimin dash past the doorway, Hoseok hot on their heels and cackling. Jin had probably retired to the couch with Namjoon by this point, but you couldn’t help but be amused as you watched the remaining three hybrids run the rest of their energy out.
You would have been concerned that they’d be unable to help themselves and tell Jin all about the things you were planning to surprise him with tonight, except they didn’t know a single thing either— it was going to be as much a surprise for them as it would be for him. It was something you’d agreed on with Yoongi and Jungkook— partly because you all knew they wouldn’t be able to keep their mouths shut, but also because they wanted to surprise their current housemates as well.
Time flew easily, everyone having a blast, but most importantly Jin was enjoying himself and the company of this family. He couldn’t lie, over the past few days, ever since the morning he’d brushed and braided your hair for you, you’d been disappearing more often, and for long durations of time, during the day— and it made him so anxious he was almost sick to his stomach. Normally it wouldn’t be anything to worry about, but he’d seen that letter you’d left on the table. You were threatened with eviction, you could lose your home, and it was all because of him. You hadn’t said anything, hadn’t mentioned it, but he didn’t know if that was worse— the uncertainty of the situation, where he fell in it, what he could do if he could even do anything, all of it had been weighing on him more the past couple of days. It had manifested in an anxious need to have you closer, he’d been much clingier than normal, fingers clutching you when you made to leave the bed in the morning as he wordlessly begged for five more minutes. He didn’t want you to leave, but couldn’t stop you when you did. He didn’t know where you were going, but couldn’t bring himself to ask in case the answer confirmed his worst fears.
What if you were arranging for him to leave?
He couldn’t blame you— you’d taken him in from the street, you had no obligation to continue housing him, but he’d… He’d grown so, so attached to you, to this place— his home. He didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to re-enter the world of uncertainty and fear he’d resided in before, but most of all he didn’t want you to want him to leave. He wanted to stay with you forever, and he wanted you to want him too. Even if.. even if you didn’t return the whole extent of his feelings, staying by your side for the rest of his life would be enough for him. So long as he could continue loving you, and caring for you, he didn’t need anything in return. He just wanted to stay with you.
But right now, he didn’t know if that was what you wanted.
Shaking his head of the thoughts, he tried to focus on the present— on the jovial atmosphere, the mini party you’d thrown for him for his birthday— it was the first time someone had ever done such a thing for him, and he was beyond touched. He smiled as Jimin came running up to him, giggling and struggling for breath as he sought refuge from Hoseok, having left Taehyung in the dust much to the grey-haired hybrid’s chagrin.
Time was passing quickly, and before you knew it you were waiting for all the takeaway you’d ordered and icing the cake and cupcakes— well, Yoongi and Jungkook were icing the cake and cupcakes. You’d managed to get Yoongi to do it by turning it into a competition of who could do it better, and he’d risen to the bait quicker than you’d thought he would. Jungkook must have really been getting on his nerves. You’d assigned Namjoon to watch them and make sure they didn’t get it anywhere since you felt bad he was stuck on babysitting duty for so long.
Having just finished setting and preparing the table, you left the kitchen and dining area, going to your room to fetch a new shirt since you’d made a comment on Yoongi’s icing ability and he’d flicked some all over you in retaliation. You disappeared into your room, unaware of the conversation being shared between the hybrids in the living room.
“Are you happy, hyung?” Taehyung asked, eyes wide as he stared at the cat hybrid sprawled gracefully over the couch. A soft smile stretched his lips. “You’re having a birthday party! Isn’t it something you’ve always wanted?”
Seokjin smiled, unable to help the swell of affection he felt for the hybrids before him. “It is, but you shouldn’t be sad,” he scolded playfully, reaching to bop the puppy’s nose. “You have someone that loves you and cares for you now, you know. Don’t you dare think you’re not getting one too.”
Taehyung smiled, but it had a saddened lilt. “I want to believe so, but I’m not sure about that hyung.”
Jin straightened, brows furrowing. “What? Why do you say that?”
The grey-haired hybrid closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh before opening them once more, voice low as he spoke, “I… I heard Jungkookie on the phone, the other day. I tried not to listen, since I know it’s bad, but I couldn’t help it,” he shifted on the couch, tugging his legs up to hug them to his chest and rest his chin on his knees. “I tried not to listen, but I still… I heard him talking with someone about papers, and payments.”
Seokjin’s eyes softened, a familiar feeling curling in his chest, but before he could reassure the hybrid that it was probably not what he thought since Jungkook adored both of them, Taehyung continued.
“Plus, he’s been gone a lot lately. For long periods during the day, and he’s gone more often.”
Seokjin felt like his heart had stopped in his chest, his blood freezing in his veins. The words tilted on the tip of his tongue, urging him to comfort the boy in front of him but he couldn’t muster the will, couldn’t muster anything except the shuddering breath that entered his lungs after three seconds too long.
Gone for long periods during the day, and gone more often.
His fear was one thing, but if Taehyung was having the same concerns, and he’d heard those things when Jungkook was on the phone… there was no doubt. You were going to get rid of him.
It felt like his heart splintered in his chest, his breath coming shorter and not quite reaching the bottom of his lungs. He knew, he suspected this but he— he never thought he’d get confirmation so soon, he— he couldn’t do this, not right now. At the thought of facing you in a couple minutes time for dinner, gazing upon your smiling face for what could be the last time, he panicked. He couldn’t do it, he wasn’t strong enough, he didn’t want to. Before he could even realise the movements his own body was making he was scrambling from the couch and fleeing from the room, Taehyung’s cries of “Hyung!” behind him falling on deaf ears. Through the front door, he fled, realising belatedly there were tears in his eyes.
He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t face you right now.
. . . . . . .
When you finally exited your room, donning a new shirt, it was to a distraught Taehyung, tears budding in the corners of his eyes. He hadn’t gone to Jungkook yet, you were the first person he set his eyes on.
“y/n!” he gasped, leaping over to couch to run to you. You froze as he attached to you, hands gripping you arms in a panic. “y/n, he just jumped up and r-ran away, out of nowhere! I don’t know where he went but he looked so s-sad, y/n! I-I think I made him sad and I’m so s-sorry—”
It all came in one big rush and you had to bring your arms up, hands gently cupping his cheeks as you shooshed him soothingly. “Shh, Taehyung, who ran away? Who’s sad?”
Taehyung looked ready to wail. “Jin-hyung!” he nearly sobbed, clutching your hands as his eyes watered. “I made him sad and I feel so bad!”
Your heart nearly stopped in your chest, your eyes widening. “Jin?” you echoed, worry beginning to seep beneath your skin. Nonetheless you managed to remain focused, soothing Taehyung. “Shh, Tae, it’s okay, it’s not your fault. What was it that made him sad?”
Taehyung’s hands grasped yours tightly, large eyes wide as they stared into your own, distressed. “I… I mentioned how I d-didn’t think Jungkookie was going to keep us, because I heard him on the phone talking about p-payments, and papers, but he only got sad when I said Jungkookie has been leaving a lot during the day, for long times.”
You knew what he was talking about; Jungkook had been leaving to go with you and Yoongi to sort out everything— wait…. You blinked, mouth dropping open a bit in realisation. You were gone just as much as Jungkook had been the past couple of days, and if Taehyung thought that the male was making arrangements to get rid of him and Jimin, then Jin too probably thought…
You bit your lip, suddenly understanding why the male had run off like that. You would have been upset too, if you were in his place. Although, you couldn’t help but note how ironic this was, how terrible the timing— you were about to announce at dinner the thing you’d been hiding from him and the other hybrids.
You needed to find Jin and bring him back. You stroked Taehyung’s cheek, offering him a soft smile despite the worry curling in the pit of your stomach. “Listen, Tae, I want you to know you shouldn’t worry, okay?” you said, meeting his saddened gaze. He looked at you, eyes wide and alarmingly trusting. “’Cause we’re gonna announce something at dinner, a surprise.”
Taehyung’s large, chocolate puppy eyes lit up. “A surprise?” he echoed, a mixture of hope and excitement tinging his tone.
You nodded. “Yep, a surprise, and it’s gonna make everything better, okay? So don’t be sad. I’m gonna go find Jin, why don’t you go and tell Jiminie and Hobi about the surprise?”
Taehyung nodded vehemently, your hands falling from his cheeks as he burst forward to throw his arms around you in a tight hug before retreating and dashing off to find the others. “I will! Thank you, y/n!”
You smiled after him for a moment, before remembering your own hybrid had run out and you needed to find him. You hurried out of the room, making a beeline for the door and immediately going for the stairs once outside. For a cat, Jin didn’t have much stamina, so you honestly didn’t think he would have gotten very far very fast.
Still, that didn’t do much to curb the worry eating at your insides. He was a grown hybrid, a grown man, and could take care of himself, but still…. He didn’t have a collar, and while most people probably wouldn’t care or even look twice, it was something that could cause problems if the wrong people caught sight of him and his bare neck.
Your gaze flew about as you exited the building, trying to think where he could have gone. On a whim, you turned to your left and began down the street, eyes searching every corner and every face, almost desperately wishing to catch sight of those inky ears, to see that long tail peeping out from behind a building.
You tried to remain calm as you went, despite the distant panic that wanted to freeze your limbs in place. It worked for the most part. He couldn’t have gone far, he was probably nearby, you kept reassuring yourself. Honestly he’d just run off to sort through his emotions, it wasn’t like he was running away from home.
Home. You saw it that way— he was your home, wherever you lived it wouldn’t matter if he wasn’t there with you. He was a vital component of your life now, a component you would fight to protect if you had to. You’d wondered if he knew that, if he knew he would always have a place with you and that you wouldn’t trade him for the world, much less want him to leave. Given the current situation, however, it was clear he hadn’t known— he’d been full of doubt the entire time and you hadn’t even noticed. Nothing made you feel worse. You cared for him so much but were so busy organising things for both of your future you hadn’t paid attention to how he was feeling, how he’d become clingier and more anxious each time you left the house. You wanted to curse your own obliviousness, because now he was probably feeling terrible and that was the last thing you wanted.
You hadn’t been walking long, your feet carrying you almost by instinct as you searched, lost in your thoughts. To your surprise, you’d reached the park down the road from your apartment, somewhere you’d frequented a couple of times with the tall feline in question. You began to walk further in, squinting in the low light as you searched for the tell-tale broad shoulders and swishing tail.
A sniffle, soft and barely able to be picked up by your human ears, sounded from your left and you turned, eyes searching. There he stood, arms wrapped around himself as he stared out over the small lake, small tremors wracking his large frame. You bit your lip in regret, wishing you’d paid more attention and reassured him so he wasn’t feeling so bad. Silently, you moved closer until you were slightly behind him. “Jin?”
He started, having been completely enraptured in his thoughts, and spun around with wide, red-rimmed eyes. He seemed to choke on his words as he caught sight of you, mouth falling open. “y-y/n,” he managed to croak, taking a subconscious step backwards.
You panicked, stepping forward quickly to grasp his wrist loosely. “Jin, wh—”
The hybrid’s bottom lip began to tremble at the tender look in your eyes, fresh tears welling in his own and threatening to spill down his smooth cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he blubbered, withdrawing his wrist from you hold. He took another step back. “I’m sorry I’m being like this when you’re doing all those things for me, for my birthday, a-and I’m sorry that I’m, that I’m not…”
He gulped, and the lump rising in your own throat prevented you from saying the things you really wanted to as you stared at him with wide eyes. He continued, sniffing, his ears lowered and tail still behind him. “I’m sorry I’m not g-good enough for you to want to keep. I l-like you a lot and I just want to stay with you b-but I know you don’t want that and I’m s-sorry I’m not en-nough—”
You stepped forward, refusing to listen to any more as you threw your arms around him and pulled him close, cutting him off. He was shaking slightly in your hold, still in shock for a moment before it registered in his brain and his own arms came up to clutch you closer, his face burying in your neck and his tears cascading down your skin, hot and wet.
“Shh, listen,” you said softly, holding him close and rubbing his back as he cried softly. “You are good enough, more than good enough, and I want nothing more than to have you with me for the rest of my life, okay?”
He sniffed, going to protest but you shushed him once more. “Silly kitty, if you’d just waited a half an hour more you’d know why I’ve been out of the house so often the past couple of days. I’m sorry I didn’t notice how you were feeling, and didn’t reassure you— I should have paid more attention. I was just focused on making sure everything was in place for the surprise today.”
Jin sniffed, pulling back with red eyes. “…Surprise?”
You nodded, smiling softly as you brought a hand up to caress his cheek, thumb wiping away the stray tears. “Yep. I had to make sure everything was perfect and sorted so I could surprise you and the others today. I was going to do it at dinner, which was probably only about half an hour away when you left.”
Jin looked sheepish as he sniffled, wiping his face. “Oh... Sorry,” he mumbled, averting his gaze.
You let out a slight laugh, leaning up to press a short kiss to his forehead. He pulled back in surprise, eyes wide as he stared at you in shock, cheeks colouring pink.
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for, Jin,” you said, your hand finding his own and intertwining your fingers. “Now come on, the food should be there by now and I told Taehyung to tell the others about the surprise so they’re all probably dying while waiting for you.”
He let out a soft chuckle, sniffling, and allowed you to lead him back to the apartment, feelings of sadness pushed aside for curiosity about what you’d organised for him.
It didn’t take long to reach your apartment once more, and soon you were entering through the front door, greeted by six eager faces as soon as you stepped foot back in the kitchen and dining room.
“Jin-hyung!” Taehyung wailed as he caught sight of the taller male, rushing forward to throw his arms around him. Jin stumbled back with a surprised laugh, arms coming up to embrace the remorseful puppy. “I’m sorry for making you sad! I didn’t mean to— and y/n said she has a surprise! Please don’t be sad, hyung.”
Jin smiled at the younger male, whose tail was wagging sadly. “Don’t worry, I’m not sad anymore,” he said, reassuring him with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Your own narrowed in on it, and your lips pursed. You needed to tell him so he knew you were serious— you wanted him in your life and so long as he wanted it too you were going to do everything in your power to keep him in it.
You looked over, noticing the food on the table and meeting eyes with Namjoon as he opened his mouth to explain, “The delivery guys came while you were gone. You should have seen how confused they were to see so many of them from different restaurants.”
You snickered at the thought, vividly imagining the looks on their faces. You were almost sad you’d missed it. “Alright, well I’m sure we’re all hungry, and you guys can’t wait to hear about what we have to tell you, so lets all sit down and dig in, yeah?”
You were greeted by a chorus of enthusiastic agreement as the hybrids dashed to their seats, sliding into them in record timing, and the rest of you followed at a slightly slower pace.
You all dug in, enjoying the variety of food you’d ordered (all Jin’s favourites) and you’d never seen the hybrid with such a look of satisfaction and content on his face as he munch on each dish, eyes lighting up whenever he caught sight of something he hadn’t noticed before. You knew his feelings and the doubts plaguing him were still in his thoughts, and that they would be until you revealed the surprise, but you were glad that for now he was wholeheartedly enjoying the food before him. You knew food was one of the many things he loved and adored.
Dinner finished, and you quickly moved into the kitchen after plates were cleared to retrieve the desserts. The look on Jin’s face as you brought out the cakes and cupcakes with the help of the resident muscle pig was something you wanted to remember forever; the way his eyes lit up, a large smile tugging his lips until he looked positively radiant where he sat, surrounded by the people he loved most and looking at you with such vulnerability and adoration in his eyes it made you heart both ache and swell at once.
You’d lit the candles before and Yoongi had turned the lights off as you moved over to the table, Jungkook and yourself starting to sing, “Happy birthday to you~!”
The others quickly joined and the entire song Jin’s eyes never left yours, and you shot him a bright smile once finished. “Make a wish,” you instructed softly after placing the cake on the table before him, and he closed his eyes, doing as you said, before he opened them once more and blew the candles out in one go.
The resident puppy hybrids cheered loudly, throwing their arms around their favourite cat hybrid and screaming “Happy Birthday, hyung!” in his ears. He laughed, shrugging them off playfully, and you moved your gaze to the other people in the room, meeting their eyes. At their nods you couldn’t help but smile— it was time.
You waited for the commotion to die down a little before you spoke, seeking the cat hybrid’s eyes. “I’m guessing you want to know what the surprise was?” you asked, resisting the urge to grin at how all four of the hybrids perked up.
“Yes!” Jin burst, slightly embarrassed that he hadn’t been able to contain his excitement. You shot him a comforting smile.
“Alright,” you agreed, leaning against the table. Idly, you wondered if you should have cut the cakes before telling them but to be honest you’d been waiting all week to tell them and couldn’t wait a second longer. “Well, as I’m sure you saw, I got a letter a while ago from one of the owners of the building— not Namjoon’s father, in case you were wondering— that said having hybrids on the premises was in violation of the complex rules and my contract. So, I obviously needed to find a solution to this.”
You noticed the hint of fear in Jin’s eyes, the slight trepidation hiding in his expression, and sent him a soothing smile. “Any solution where you had to leave or I had to leave you was unacceptable— you’re so important to me, I don’t want to be living a life without you there to brighten my days and warm my heart. So, I went to Namjoon, and I asked about some things.”
The fear had been traded for curiosity and warm fondness, and you continued, getting to the bit that would hopefully make their night. “And once we had an idea, I went to Jungkook and Yoongi. The reason we’ve all been absent a lot more the last couple of days was because we were signing things, finalising payments and all that. You’re a family, and I know how important that is to all of you, and how much you all miss each other when you’re apart, which is why…”
You took a deep breath, grinning. “Which is why Jungkook, Yoongi and I decided to allocate our money and rent three apartments in one of the buildings Namjoon’s father owns. Which means, starting next week… we’ll all be living together, in three separate apartments on the same floor.”
You reached over and booped the nose of a shocked, wide-eyed feline, the other hybrids looking just as surprised. “You’ll be together again, and you can keep staying with me,” you paused suddenly, growing sheepish. “Well, I mean, that is if you want to— I guess I didn’t ask OH—"
Jin lurched from his seat, throwing his arms around you and hugging you so close and so tight that for a second it was hard to breathe.
“Of course I do, silly human!” he cried, and it took you a second to realise not only did he just reverse your silly nickname for him but he was also literally crying into your shoulder. Your arms came up automatically to return his embrace, holding him close as he wailed. “Of course I do, y-you idiot, the only th-thing I want is to stay with you, and y-you just—”
You laughed, the sound of the other hybrids pouncing on your friends in excitement and Namjoon laughing loudly at them reaching your ears. Jin pulled back, eyes watering, and began peppering soft, ticklish kisses all over your face in an attempt to convey what he was feeling since words weren’t enough. You giggled, unable to help your grin as he stopped only to draw you back in his arms and swing you around. “Are you happy?”
Jin wailed, breath hitching as he sobbed slightly in happiness, “You just told me not only do I get to stay with you but I get to stay with m-my family too, of course I’m happy!”
You laughed, your own eyes tearing up at his reaction. “I’m glad, Jinnie, that’s all I could ever want.”
He sobbed, almost inconsolable, into your shoulder. “Thank you so much, y/n, I-I love you so much. Thank you.”
Your eyes shot wide open, heart skipping four too many beats as his words registered in your ears. He didn’t seem to notice, too taken by his emotions, and you felt your heart swell with affection in your chest, causing a lump to rise in your throat.
The boy in your arms had quickly become the most important thing in your life, and you didn’t ever want to live without him.
With all your heart, you loved him too.
↼masterlist || afterstory
#kreativewritersnet#boy group writers net#kpoptrashtag#jin x reader#hybrid au#sfw#hybrid jin x reader#hybrid!jin#catboy!jin#catboy!au#hybrid!au#bts scenario#fluff#kpop scenario#requests#rbuns#my work#bts oneshot#jin scenario#jin oneshot#seokjin x reader#seokjin oneshot#seokjin scenario#hybrid seokjin#hybrid!seokjin#bunny tale#what a way to end amirite#anyways#i have a christmas special planned#hang in there for that lol
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Nothing More Contagious Than Laughter - Chapter 20
Im soooo sorry this took me forever to upload
Warnings: Language, Murder, Violence, Blood, Drinking, Creepy fanboys, Oswald being a sweetie
Shout at me if you want to be added to the Gotham taglist :D
Chapter 20
Emerald’s P.O.V
8:30pm. I had half an hour to get to the club. Oswald was out with Butch searching for his mother himself. Again he had insisted I remain here under Zsasz’s protecting. He was no longer wearing his sling, which was a good sign. I had managed to sneak out. I would only be gone an hour, I just had to hope Oswald didn’t make it back in that time. I took a cab to the club, wearing a knee length, figure hugging green dress. The bouncer outside noticed me and led me inside himself. That’s when I noticed why I had been invited. The club was filled with people dressed like Jerome, myself and the others that had escaped from Arkham.
I grasped the rail next to me, focusing on my breathing. I didn’t know how I felt about this. Angry, upset or kinda happy. Happy to know that we had influenced others. There was a stage with a projector screen behind it. On that screen were various news clips showing our crimes and even our mug shots from the GCPD. The bouncer led me out to the back and knocked on a door. We were called in by a female voice. We entered the room and the bouncer was dismissed.
I stood in a dressing room, an older female sat by a dressing table. She was dressed in red and black, her face pale with a smile painted on with red lipstick and big thick glasses. She turned to me and smiled excitedly. I had made sure to take the necessary precautions and stolen one of Zsasz’s guns just in case this was a trap.
“I’m so glad you could make it Emerald. I hope this isn’t too much for you,” the woman spoke.
I remained silent. It was a little much.
“My names Jerri-“ she introduced herself.
“What is this place? I was here not long ago and it wasn’t like this before.”
“We were all just so influenced by you and Jerome, my condolences by the way that we thought we would set up a little club each night.”
I was struggling to process this and Jerri could tell. She came over to me and sat me down before getting me a glass of water.
“I understand it might be a bit much to take in but I promise you we only have the best intentions. I just thought you could be our guest of honour,” Jerri continued.
“I don’t want those people to see me. But I appreciate what you have going on here.”
“Then you can stay back here and you can let Aunt Jerri look after you.”
I smiled at this. Now I had another baby sitter.
Jerri explained that she was the lead singer of the club’s band as well as the owner. She then began asking questions about Jerome. I knew if he were here he would be loving the attention and affection he would get from everyone. He would be seen as a god to these people. I answered her questions, feeling somewhat happy to just talk about him to someone who cared. Someone who was happy to listen and hung on every word. I didn’t quite realise the time and when I glanced at the clock I got to my feet in a panic.
I had to get back before Oswald sent out a search party for me. Jerri ordered one of the bouncers to drive me back to the mansion so long as I promised to keep making regular appearances. I didn’t see no harm in it. Jerri pulled me in to a hug and I left with the bouncer. I felt a sense of belonging when I was in that place, like it was the closest I could be to Jerome. I snuck back into the mansion and changed into pajamas, jumping on my bed and pretending to be reading as I heard footsteps along the hallway. Zsasz stuck his head in the room, checking on me. He left and I let out a sigh of relief.
I felt like I had to hide this from them, I felt that they maybe wouldn’t approve of the club and would try to stop me from going. I turned off the light and put the book back in its place. I was definitely going back there though and it would be my little secret.
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A few weeks later
I pulled the freshly baked blueberry muffins from the oven, setting the hot tray on the counter. Zsasz watched from the corner. He would always watch me bake, mainly so he could get first choice for fresh baked goods. I didn’t mind, it was nice to know how much he loved my cooking. Then again a lot of the men here did. Butch being particularly sweet to me. He may look intimidating but he was just a big soft teddy bear. And Oswald was always so kind to me, buying me expensive gifts, taking me to dinner and making sure I was forever comfortable and happy.
I motioned with my head to Zsasz to come over, which he did. First look at Zsasz and people would run in terror but Zsasz had a nice side, I was lucky to have seen it. I guess he had a reputation to keep up so he couldn't be nice all the time. I handed him a warm muffin and he smiled his thanks. I put the rest on a large plate and then made a large pot of tea. Oswald liked some snacks while he worked, he didn’t like to admit it but I knew.
Once everything was ready I placed it on the large silver tray and carried it all in to the dining room, which also served as a meeting room. Oswald was going through some sort of paperwork. I had no idea what, it didn't concern me after all. He smiled as I entered and I placed the tray down before pouring him a cup of tea. I added two sugars and handed it to him. I turned to leave but Oswald asked me to stay.
I sat down in the seat next to him and poured my own tea, lots of milk and one sugar. I glanced at the paperwork which was an end of week report. He placed his hand on my knee and smiled.
“Are you happy here Emerald?” He asked.
“Of course I am. It’s much better than where I could have ended up. I have a life here.”
“I’m so glad to hear that. I wanted to thank you for being so patient with me during this difficult time. I know I can’t be the easiest person to deal with at times.”
“Oswald you've had your reasons; I just want to make things better for you.”
“Oh believe me my dear you have helped in so many ways that I can’t thank you enough.”
“You don’t need to thank me. You've helped me too. You got me out of a bad place, I should be the one thanking you.”
“I wanted you to know that I shall be making a move on Galavan soon and I would like you to be there when it happens.”
I nodded, “gladly.”
Oswald had been so patient with me and I was so grateful. Unfortunately, we still hadn’t found his mother and Galavan had gotten Oswald to commit more crimes for him. Although now we could see his plan. He wanted to be mayor and be in control of the city. We were sure as hell were not going to let that happen. Thankfully nobody knew about me sneaking out most nights either. Oswald got to his feet and came over to me.
“I have something for you,” he spoke.
Another present? Already? Oswald produced a long velvet box and opened it revealing a string of pearls.
I smiled and took the pearls from the box, clasping them around my neck. Oswald smiled and kissed me softly.
“You need to stop buying me things,” I spoke.
“You need to learn how to accept them because as long as your mine I’m going to continue to spoil you.”
I got to my feet and kissed his cheek before taking the empty tray back to the kitchen. I glanced at the clock. Two hours until I had to be at the club. I headed to my room and began to get ready. I grabbed a purple and black dress, leaving it on the bed while I curled my hair.
Once I was ready I headed over to the window but someone knocked on the door. Shit.
“Emerald?” Came Zsasz’s voice.
He opened the door and frowned. Now he was going to tell Oswald and I would never be allowed to the club again.
“Where are you going?” He asked.
“Zsasz please don’t say anything to Oswald-“
“It’s my job to keep you safe Emerald.”
“I promise you that I am.”
Zsasz still wasn’t having any of it and he closed the door behind him, crossing his arms across his chest, giving me the look of a disappointed dad. I sighed, I guess I was going to have to tell him.
“It’s just a little club, I mainly hang around the back room with the owner. I promise you that I’m safe and not doing anything Oswald would disapprove of,” I explained.
“if he finds out that you’ve been sneaking out we’ll both get in to trouble.”
“Would you cover for me tonight? Pretty please.”
Zsasz sighed and eventually gave in, nodding. I grinned and pulled him into a hug.
“Thank you, I promise I’ll be back before he notices,” I explained.
“At least take my car,” Zsasz handed me his car keys.
I kissed his cheek and climbed out the window, getting into his car and driving to the club, parking round back. I entered the club and headed to Jerri’s dressing room. She pulled me into a hug and kissed both my cheeks.
“Well don’t you look gorgeous,” she spoke, looking me up and down.
Jerri was definitely like an aunt to me. I sat down and Jerri joined me on the couch. We began talking and Jerri handed me a notebook which she used to write down lyrics. I smiled at the title of the song. ‘GCPD’.
“You gonna dress up as Detective Gordon while you perform this one?” I giggled.
“That’s not a bad idea.”
That’s when the door flung open and a male who had dyed his hair ginger and was dressed in Arkham clothes came in. Jerri got to her feet, standing in front of me protectively.
“You’re not supposed to be back here,” she snapped.
“I knew she was back here. You can’t stop our love Jerri,” the guy said.
Oh boy, he was so deluded. He probably thought he actually was Jerome and that I was in love with him. He couldn’t be more wrong. I put my hand on Jerri’s shoulder, telling her I could handle it.
After a little convincing Jerri backed down and I motioned for the fanboy to approach. He closed the door and came over, getting on his knees before me. He took my hands in his and kissed them. I stopped myself from recoiling in disgust and let him continue his grotesque display of affection.
“I can be your Jerome. I’ll do anything for you Emerald,” he spoke.
“You really want to be my Jerome?” I asked.
“Yes, more than anything.”
I pulled out my pistol and pulled the trigger, getting him right between the eyes. His body fell backwards, a small pool of blood seeping out the wound.
Jerri was beside herself on the couch, laughing at the spectacle.
“Sorry about the mess,” I said.
“Don’t worry about it, not with what you just did. You wanna go get a drink at the bar?”
“Sure, the more I look at him the more he pisses me off.”
Jerri linked arms with me and led me out to the bar, keeping me to the shadows so that I wouldn’t be seen by anymore fanboys. Jerri headed behind the bar herself and made us some cocktails. I turned my attention to the crowd and froze.
Why the hell were Zsasz and Oswald here? Oh shit. I was in so much trouble; Oswald was going to kill me. Zsasz looked at me apologetically as they continued to approach.
“Oswald-“
He cut me off with a hug. I frowned, this wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. I was more expecting him to beat me half to death and have his way with me…that’s what Jerome would have done.
“I’m just so glad that you’re ok. You have no idea how worried I was. I can’t afford to lose someone else who cares about me,” Oswald explained.
I held him closer, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to feel like that.”
“I can see why you want to be here though; it makes you feel closer to him doesn’t it?”
I nodded, forcing a smile.
“Next time please take Zsasz with you, that’s all I ask. Just so I know your safe,” Oswald insisted.
“Of course.”
Eventually Zsasz took us home and we sat in the meeting room for a little by the fire together. That’s when Butch burst in, out of breath, blood on his face and…a metal hand? What on Earth had happened? He rushed over to Oswald, struggling to speak.
“I found her…I found your mother.”
Taglist: @belathora, @world-of-multi-imagines, @warriorqueen1991, @genevievedarcygranger, @suicidesqwads, @maddybeck01, @musicalcoffeebean, @neganismyobsession, @emoryhemsworth, @just--a--nobody-here
#gotham#gotham fic#gotham fanfic#gotham fanfiction#gotham smut#jerome#jerome valeska#jerome fic#jerome fanfic#jerome fanfiction#jerome smut#jerome angst#jerome feels#jerome fluff#gotham feels#gotham fluff#gotham angst#jerri#Victor Zsasz#zsasz#Cameron Monaghan#Oswald Cobblepot#oswald#jeromexoc#jeromexemerald#oswald fic#oswald fanfic#oswald fanfiction
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1!! 2, 8, 9, 13, 14, 16, 20, 22, 30, 31, 36, 39, 41, 42, 43, 47, 49 (im so sorry whenever i send these i always send a billion numbers)
Oh my gosh,so many questions! Don’t apologise, this is awesome! Thank you so much!! =D
1:Who is your clan leader(s)? What are they like?
Myclan leader is Nana. ^^ She’s an absolute sweetheart, soft spoken andshy, who just wants to see the whole world smile. She doesn’t run theClan by herself, but with her trusted council and closest friends,Hobo and Cookie. Hobo’s more of an honorary clan leader, sincepersonality and behaviour-wise he very much resembles an excitedpupper. He has a pure heart and would follow Nana through anything.Cookie’s a lot more help thanks to her empathic ability, which allowsher to pick up on any troubles that may arise in the Clan.
2:Who’s in charge of food? Do you have dragons in charge of thedifferent factions (hunting/fishing/insect catching/harvesting)?
Idefinitely plan to have dragons assigned to these roles, yes! So far,Scarlet is the only one who does any of these, and she always comeshome with her bags full of food and her clothes full of mud (much tothe annoyance of her stylist boyfriend). Guava and Lychee sometimesbring back food from their many adventures. Sunflower is my gardener,and the main dragon in charge of the gardens and crops. She’sassisted by her husband, Watermelon, who functions as a walkingencyclopedia for all things Plant, as well as a pack mule. =P
8:Does your clan have any occultists?
Wehave magic users galore, but when it comes to finding new forms andmethods of magic, right now there’s only Fantasia (plus whoever endsup being her permamate). She’s my dream sorceress, practicing the‘dream magic’ that she discovered and continues to experiment with.You can read a bit about it in her bio, but I should really write somemore about it! To put it vaguely, dream magic is about bringing outsubconscious or hidden knowledge and making it visible.
9:Storytellers or librarians?
Doscribes counts? Because I do have those! Planned, at least. At themoment, Galaxia is my only scribe. She records Dom efforts andcollects badges. I haven’t really kept this up to date, though, andhave been considering dropping this, but she’ll still be a badgecollector with awesome stories to tell about her badges. Just not allbadges. The two other scribes I want will record (previous) clanmembers and notable events that happened, like clan renovations orMarva visiting each year. And I need a fiction writer too. Thescribes also function as librarians and storytellers. ^^
13:What about musicians?
Alsoonly one so far! I have this nameless lady who’s quite the excellenttrumpet player. Can’t believe I forgot to add musicians to my list ofneeded clan roles, so thank you for the reminder, hehe. =P
14:Dragons involved in other arts? (Theatre, fine art, ect.)
Fiesta!This bright baby is my dancer. He looooves dancing! He teaches aweekly dance class at the familiar spa, and loves performing for themany celebrations my clan throws. When there’s no party planned ordance routine to learn, Fiesta’s often out visiting other Clans tomeet other dancers and dance with them. And Cassius will get upset ifI don’t mention him here, but he’s my pretty stylist and he’s supervain.
16:Who’s in charge of maintaining law and order? Any dragons that takeup the mantle of policing?
Toa degree, everyone is. If they witness something illegal or immoral,they’ll be sure to inform Nana, Hobo and Cookie. Any actual issuesare handled by those three, though they’ll call a clan meeting if thesituation calls for it. Overall, though, this Utopian little bunchdoesn’t have much need for actual police dragons. (They do have asort of prison hidden away in the garden, just in case, though.)There are at all times a couple dragons ‘policing’ the borders of thefloating islands, but that’s just to make sure no one and nothingfalls off and visitors are properly welcomed.
20:Which dragon has the oddest job in your lair?
Ina sense, I’d say Hobo, but that’s because he’s such an oddballhimself that being on the council is a very odd position for him. Imean, he very rarely speaks in full (short) sentences, struggles toget out words at all, and the others can have a hard timeunderstanding him. Fantasia has the oddest job in the sense that herdream magic involves a lot of tinctures and potions made from specialmushrooms and hallucinations. She’s high as a kite most of the time,because that’s her job. She loves her job.
22:Who, in your lore, is the oldest dragon in your lair? What about theyoungest?
It’sa toss-up between Cookie and Luna. Cookie is the actual oldestdragon, both date-of-birth and lore-wise. I tend to mostly followactual dragon birthdays to determine who’s oldest. Luna, however, isa ghost, and who knows how long she’s been dead before Fantasia foundher. She might be older than Cookie, she might even be ancient. Lunadied at a young age, though, so I don’t know. Is she old? Is sheyoung? Youngest would have to be the last hatchie to pop out of anegg, but since I don’t keep those, I suppose this lady’s the youngestaddition to the Clan right now, and I still have no clue as to whather personality or clan role will be. ^^;
30:Do you have siblings that live together in your lair?
YES!I love siblings so much. I had more at one point, but right now, Istill have Guava and Lychee (the first sibling pair I got). They doEVERYTHING together. They even share their boyfriends, taking turnsnesting with them. It’s a bit weird, but whatever floats their boat.^^ Then there’s Skittle and Jellybean. I don’t have any lore for themyet, but I love them. Lamia and her unnamed brother. Might actuallynot keep the brother, but Lamia’s my Shadow ambassador. Sprinkle andSmiley, from my very first dream dragon breeding project. (I got twogirls, because more genes came out and now I’m stuck deciding, so whynot both? Still waiting for the second male, who’ll be the brother ofthe first, to complete the two pairs.)
31:Any physically disabled or mentally ill dragons?
… Doesbeing dead count? 'Cause Luna’s dead, and it’s definitely a physicalstruggle when you can only materialise with a special, hard to makeelixer from Fantasia. But then, there’s also plenty of advantages tobeing dead, like never stubbing your toe or having to sleep, so Iguess it evens out. Guava and Lychee most definitely have ADHD, andwho even knows what the heck is wrong with Hobo… Overall, mentalillness, if present, isn’t something that’ll be clearly stated, like'this dragon has autism’. I struggle enough with my own mentalillnesses that I don’t want to explicitly mention it, though I candraw characteristics and personality traits from them. Also, I’d beway too anxious about accidentally upsetting or offending people. ^^;I have no objections to people giving any labels to my dragons,though! =P
36:Flight reps?
Yes,please! I have Lamia, my Shadow ambassador, and Spring is my Windpriest. I have Rose put down as a potential Ice ambassador andSunflare for Earth, but that’s it, really. I want Flight reps foreach Flight, but it’s super hard to think of what they should looklike if they have to match my lair theme. What would a Flightrepresentative look like if they needed to be XYZ with all colours in adifferent range?
39:Do you still have the first dragon you’ve ever bought?
Idon’t have the first dragon I ever bought anymore, but I do stillhave the first dragon I ever got. I got Cookie as a gift from mybrother. The week leading up to the reg window, he’d been showing meall sorts of dragons and I really loved Cookie, so I got her as agift. In a way, I’ve had her longer than my progens, even. =P
41:Who has the most tragic backstory?
Luna!I mean, she literally died and spent who knows how long all alonewandering Sornieth, unable to find any sort of peace or happiness.That said, backstories are the only real place I can add tragedy, sothere might be more tragic backstories popping up in the future. Likethe story of how Hobo became Hobo, which I’m still eternally mullingover.
42:Who is your edgiest dragon?
Idon’t have one, I think, but I want one! It’ll either be Lamia or myfuture Plague ambassador, because enforcing stereotypes, yeah! =P Ilove Shadow and Plague, but I don’t have much room in my lore foractual Shadow/Plague themes, so whatever edgy little runt thoseFlights can produce, they can just punt on over this way. That’llprobably be the backstory, anyway. =P
43:Do you have any dragons that broke the clan’s rules? What was thepunishment for that?
Well,hatchies can be quite a handful and they don’t always listen yet,but… No, not really, nothing major. Well, Cassius, greedy and vainas he can be, will sometimes steal pretty fabrics or shiny jewels,but that’s just because he’s too impatient to wait to sign anythingfor taking them. He’s had a slap on the wrist a couple times, but nowthey just let him, because he needs that stuff anyway for hisoutfits. Cassius gets a visit once a week to take stock of the stuffhe’s taken.
47:Professor/teacher dragons?
Alsostill unassigned. Yeah, I know, I need to work on my lore more. =PFiesta teaches a weekly dance class, and anyone can learn from anyoneduring the many arts-and-crafts sessions. I still need an officialhatchling caretaker/teacher. Bunnyfly supervises hatchling trips tothe familiar spa and teaches the young ones about familiars and howto maintain positive relations with familiars and beastclans.
49:Orphan dragons?
Nana,my progen. She just sort of came into being, no family or anything.Also my precious little Bunnyfly. He was found as an egg and taken inby a clan of buttersnakes, before his buttersnake mentor/fatherfigure/best friend decided to take him to Denutena’s Candyclan,because the other buttersnakes were getting increasingly anxiousabout living with a dragon, even one that looks like a bigger versionof them, and the buttersnake (he still needs a name) thought it wouldbe better for Bunnyfly to be around his own kind. They now run thefamiliar spa together. ^^
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Musings of schizotypals Pt. 1
L.G. - I have a sucky sensation inside. Now that I might break up (for my own mental health) with my boyfriend, I have a sucky realization. I have no friends. I have pushed people for years, stablished unhealthy relationships for years. Now everyone is gone, and I cannot retake relationships that I pushed away years ago. I feel lonely. C.B. - Maybe my impulses to criticize others are a way to avoid criticizing myself. I find myself wanting to tell people that no one cares about their stupid lives but now I realize that's just one of the negative things I used to tell myself. I stopped the stream of negative thoughts about myself. But the thoughts are still there, just waiting to be applied to something. I need to channel this inner critic into something more productive. I know it is a facet of who I am, just one that I misuse a lot. It must be able to do some good somewhere. Constructive criticism about myself and my behavior perhaps. I should meditate on this. I'm feeling good but strangely devoid of emotion simultaneously. Like, my outlook on life is a generally optimistic one at the moment even though I'm not specifically happy about anything. I told my friend that I felt like something more was developing in my mind towards her and she wasn't scared off, so maybe that's why I feel optimistic. At the same time, I feel oddly suspicious and paranoid about her as well. Suspicious of her motives in continuing to talk to me after I told her how I felt, and paranoid for her safety at times (she's blind and also the tiniest little bit naïve, in my opinion). Extending my locus of emotional openness doesn't come easily to me. I really bond with other people to the point that I feel a bit like I'm losing myself. I don't like that feeling, but I love bonding with individuals at the same time. I suppose I'm just a bundle of contradictory neurons wrapped in a skull lol A.C. - So I'm sat in my porch locked out bags packed after another of my alcohol induced binge dissapearing acts I know "only Self to blame" I was only out drinking and chatting nothing bad, but I guess I am selfish, selfishly anaware and selfishly inconsiderate with what I don't think through or when I act rash. Slowly I've become more of a loner and made a habit of losing things family, friends umm jobs, it doesn't feel normal or nice that I might just be a procrastinative, selfish/absorbed individual who can't really get any sort of balance in personal life. I care about making amends and living a normal family life it's just... I don't know. Everyone blames me and punishes me, I don't want a scapegoat for my mistakes but it's very confusing I think if I didn't do what I did I'd damage my self by suppressing it all inside would be worse that's not a justification just a thought. Maybe leading a stable life, to work full time, three kids and relationship is too much. S.C - I suffer from depression and anxiety...I feel sometimes that im different of others because i think i have a few particularities(including that i have only two friends).I often try to explain to some that i can catch thoughts & feelings from people that i know...In fact,from complete stangers too ...I just thought if someone here could uderstand me? And I would like to add that is it okay not to fear of losing my few friends?I am 14 and feel like a misfit..I can't recognize what i am and don't remember who i used to be. R.R. - I have a weird feeling that I'm gonna die soon. Lol. Awkward. 2 near death experiences for me and 1 for my mom. Meh. Now I'm walking around every day with intense anxiety, waiting for an accident to happen. 😢 C.S. - I'm not doing well. I'm emotional... I cried for like half an hour today and I usually don't cry. But I've been sick over something I can't talk about. Very paranoid and scared. Such ugly ruminating thoughts. Barely slept last night and I have such a headache but my mind won't shut off. For the first time in years I feel like punching myself in the head. I've been taking my pills regularly. I see the shrink on Thursday. Which means I have to get through two days of work... I've been mildly sick with a cold for the last week. Oh help! I just want to feel better. A.M. - Today I keep seeing characters from TV shows as people in public spaces (anyone else experienced this?) and there was a shadow man in my lounge. It's odd and not making me paranoid which is also odd. Usually when freaky brain shit happens paranoia activates. Side note; Who the hell puts dried apricot in a hot cross bun!? C.B. - Sometimes I have this urge to be rude to people I don't like. Or that I decide are, as narcissistic as this sounds, beneath me morally or intellectually. It makes me very nervous to confront people but sometimes I do it out of impulse. Like I have this parallel line of thinking that just criticizes the hell out of everything I see. I let it build up and then let it out when I reach a certain level of resentment at the world. Afterwords I feel no better. But it's like I have this good side and this bad side to me. The bad side is the worst me I can imagine: lazy, thoughtless, critical, apathetic, and cruel. The good side is the best me I can imagine: empathetic, supportive, passive, thoughtful. I realize that I internalize these values from my primary caregivers growing up, my mother and first stepfather. I can't see the value in my stepfather very well. Jung had this idea of the Anima and the Animus. One male and the other female. I've always identified my values with the feminine due to the fact that the only support I ever got growing up was from women. I never understood men. I never understood women either for that matter. But they were the people I tried to emulate growing up. I couldn't stand the thought of being like my stepfather or boys my age until I became a teenager. Then I copied my stepfather and began to hate a lot. To be cruel a lot. Because that's all I saw in him. These impulses must be that old behavior rearing it's head. I've always wanted to be my own person but I've never quite known how. L. G. - Okay so I am going to lay one of my biggest problems right now and see if you can help me even if it's just a Little bit because I have no clue :( I finished university last year. Everything fine. My father came to my room and asked me, "what do you want to do next year? you have to think it NOW" and clearly wanted me, pushed me to do oposiciones (this is how we call the process of studying to get a job in the public system). I did the course for oposiciones. I HATED IT. God damn how boring, bland, deadly! I cannot even study for it or understand what they do. But my parents are 100% into it and they don't even contemplate me leaving them. I have to act like I study on days like those because they are so into this, specially my father, who sees working in the public system as my only chance in life because I am schizotypal. You can ask me questions, I will answer if it hasn't been understood. Thanks for the help :) L.G. - This is a bit of a hard to ask question but I will ask anyway...do you have problems maintaining your personal care, etc...? Sometimes I do and my family makes shame of me :( although i think really I'm not that much of a disaster. I mean, now I take care of myself, it's not like when I was really bad where I wouldn't take proper care of myself. L. G. - Do you ever feel like you've got too much contained in your chest and feel like telling anyone about it? Like you had an urge to tell what's ailing you? I've got Friends to talk with but I have too much in my chest and everyone looks like a friend to me now... S.S. - Two things I learnt about myself recently 1 - I will never be able to do a 9-5 job. Because I am too impatient and get angry when someone tells me what to do. Also overthink everything and get bored with routine. The only thing I can do is my own boss and work from home alone.I need to be in control. 2 - I can't ever picture myself in a relationship. I recently met a woman a bit older than myself but we share lots of interests and get on well. But I'm beginning to feel smothered and under pressure to behave a certain way. I just want to be a free individual with no responsibilities. I wasn't born to be a pack animal, but to give others as much freedom as possible and for them to not bug me in return. C.B. - Anyone else feel really anxious when they talk to other people about personal issues? It makes therapy very difficult for me. I'm too nervous around my therapist to open up to him, to really talk about the issues I have. I always just spend the time in my "therapy mode" (where I act pleasant and nice and talk about minor issues to avoid the larger ones). I don't feel like anybody can really help me with some things, and that I would just be making whoever I was talking to feel bad. I want to be able to talk about my motivations, my relationships, my feelings but they make me feel pathetic. Sometimes I feel like less than a person, like I'm really just wearing a mask when I behave as a normal human does. Trouble is I don't know for sure who or what is under that mask. D.S. - Had an irrational mental breakdown in public again one of those crying and screaming in equal parts of anger, frustration and sadness... why am I so easily overwhelmed sometimes.. plus I look kinda scary afterwards.. the neighbors already peg me for weird as it is... all emotionally shutdown and stuff only secs later.. I dont know its always like that.. overemotional first and a few seconds later back to the void.. im done. Im turning 23 tomorrow and I just wish I could skip to my funeral instead.. yeah.. one of those days.. A.M. - Does anybody else wander through life aimlessly? Never really finishing things they embark on, barely following their interests and feeling as though they're waiting for something to shake enough life into them to align them with the dimension that is reality... Being a drifting alien is really getting to me lately, I didn't realise how meaningless I find everything or how far I have drifted from society. I am not referring to deppression btw. P.A. - There’s something that’s killing me inside and I would really appreciate getting it out in a post. I really hope I don’t sound like a total bitch. It’s to do with abandonment, which I hope some people here will understand. I feel so abandoned by my counsellor. It’s the closest relationship I have. I sent her a text a few weeks ago saying I was sad and I never heard back. It has been my psych ward “anniversary” and I thought she’d message me to ask how I am but no nothing. Now she’s just become a grandmother... I know because I’m friends with her son. They are all super excited and spending lots of time together. He is sending me photos of the new baby but it’s just making me even more upset. Why can’t I just be happy for them? I feel so bad and self-centred for feeling this way. I know this little girl will be spoilt rotten with love and I’m jealous, there’s no other word for it. I suspect this is triggering an ancient wound in me, a hole that I’ve never managed to fill. My friend wants to see me tonight but I’m just too upset to see him and I can’t explain to him why *hides under table* C.B. - Sometimes I feel like I am more comfortable being depressed than I am being happy. Being sad feels, I don't know, solid, constant, whereas happiness is a fleeting and ephemeral feeling. Because of this, I got used to lying to myself to make myself more depressed. Don't know if that makes any sense, but I used to love laying in bed and thinking terrible things about myself until I cried my eyes out. I guess I craved that sense of catharsis. These days, I realize that this isn't a healthy way of coping, but I still crave the cathartic feeling I used to get by working myself into a terrible place. I think maybe I crave intense release of emotion because I have a hard time letting go of emotions in the moment and I kind of bottle them up. I still crave that. It's odd, I suppose I'm working to integrate the disparate parts of my personality into a functioning whole. It's like the emotional part of me exists kind of parallel to the rest, separate but connected in form if not function. A.C. - I guess if you can't do anything consistently but your capable of being extremely creative which many are here. Your purpose in life is to create a masterpiece not stand in line and fit the system. S.S. - Got told I'm too much of a negative person earlier and that I should keep all my thoughts secret. But the truth is I only say about 10% of what's actually on my mind. I'm too truthful about my flaws. The last thing I wanna be is a fake who brags. I can't help who I am.
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