#i found a pretty big number of groups for women but very few options for men
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#please ignore this as its just me needing to vent it out somewhere where it feels like i can be forgotten but#looking for a support group for people who've been in abusive relationships is fucking hard when you ID as a guy most of the time#i found a pretty big number of groups for women but very few options for men#and im not saying that its unfair or anything like that. this isnt one of those rants#but it would be nice to have a group of just Queer people who can come together and be there in group#so that at least it feels safe to vent and just......be. you know?#and what's more frustrating AF about it is that sooooo many of the incredible people (primarily women) who were kind enough#to teach me about feminism. would bring it to my attention that its not fair and that we should have a safe space#and they were infinitely more helpful than a single Red Pill misogynistic asshole bro or whatever tf they call themselves#idk. now im just rambling incoherently#i just.......want to vent the bullshit trauma so it stops bothering me so much in a safe space with people who understand#thats all i ask for and it sometimes feels impossible. 😕
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Of Blooms & Bounties - Petunia
Pirate!Jungkook x Explorer!Reader
Word Count: 1.5k
Genre: Pirate!AU, Magic!AU, Semi-Historical!AU, slightly fluffy, very silly.
Warnings: Alcohol consumption, mentions of prostitution, nothing too serious though!
Summary: Namjoon had wanted the gold, Jimin had wanted the fun, and Jungkook had wanted to lay low. All in all, you’d say that two out of three were successful.
Notes: Here we go, another look into their shenanigans lmao
This is from the Of Blooms & Bounties Series. Find it here!
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“It’s a super simple but very effective plan; Minnie is going to pretend to be Petunia while Tae, Hobi, Jin, and Yoon escort him back to the boat so we can take him home. _____, JK, and myself are going to stay here to make sure nothing tips them off. Pose as customers at the tavern and keep a lookout for Minnie…”
And lookout you do; both you and Joon sitting in the corner of the tavern, eyes scanning the area for the bandits that have purchased Petunias time. It wouldn’t have been as big of a quest to return him home if the man wasn’t expecting customers at almost every hour, but apparently his services are a hot commodity and his boss is… Demanding, which means your options are very slim. The poor man wants wants to to be home with his family again, and since they paid you nicely, it’s the least you can do to help.
“Everything’s going to go to plan, we have the perfect set up.” Namjoon’s dressed down a bit, lacking his usual hat and numerous layers of clothes for a more simple shirt and pants combo. You’re wearing something similar to blend into the background, not wanting to stand out all that much. You don’t think you’ll be found out anyway, not with how intense the partying is tonight.
“I know it will Joon, I’m not worried.” The tavern’s in full swing, a large crowed covering most of the floor space and seemingly very drunk. Other pirates mostly, some prostitutes, even a few performers. The bards play music over the roaring crowed, fun songs you wiggle in your seat to, wishing you could get up and dance.
Min sits idly at the bar, legs daintily crossed in his finest leather pants. He looks dangerous but in the best of ways, his charms drawing in a number of patrons around the shady tavern. He dones a billowy white shirt as well as high laced leather boots, coal around his eyes and red on his lips, the exact look Petunia told his customers he’d be wearing. A little scandalous, a little saucy, a perfect trap.
Kookie had excused himself to hit the toilet a while ago, and so you scan the room to try and spot him in the chaos. It’s a few seconds before he stumbles around the corner, eyes doe like and head swiveling to watch out for your target. It’s a passing thought that he looks pretty, the true flower in your group as he spots you and smiles with his pretty bunny smile as he speeds toward the table.
“Oh, I think this little daffodil is the company we purchased.” You’re so focused on him that you miss the new faces; Jungkook is almost back to the table as he’s stopped, a small hand wrapped around his wrist. He looks down at the small woman as her voice booms out over the patrons, two more women that aren’t much taller by her side. Kookie dwarfs them by quite a bit, tall defined muscles towering over them like a shaking tree. You and Joon both tense, ready to fight this out if things go south.
“I- Huh? Me!?” His voice is frantic but quiet enough you almost miss it. You suppose they’re wearing somewhat similar outfits, but Jungkook has certainly never worn skintight leather pants in his life like Jimin. Trying to hide your giggles as you settle a bit, you swig down your beer and pretend not to notice Namjoon’s bugging eyes. Min watches from across the tavern with wide eyes, lips twitching up and down, clearly not sensing any danger.
“Yes you beautiful, you’re exceptionally stunning. Look at that tiny little waist under that pretty little shirt, I could just eat you up.” Well, things certainly aren’t going as planned… They’re going better. The woman places her hand on Jungkook’s chest, slowly trailing a finger down until she reaches the low-cut collar. It’s humorous how far she has to stretch her arm up, but you remain mostly quite as Namjoon gently pokes your leg, a code for ‘shut up’. Jungkook looks like he’s about to pass out: from the implication of him being a prostitute or from being touched so boldly, you’re not sure.
“Um, yes. Yes that’s right, I-I’m Petunia.” Even with the taverns light being dim, you can still see the pink hue that lights up Jungkook’s cheeks as you glance at him, maybe a little shy but also a little flattered. It’s enough to make you coo to yourself, Namjoon’s slowly lowering his forehead till his face is planted firmly against the table. Your poor captains plans just don’t seem to be owning our recently, a true pity but also a secret blessing. Seeing JK flustered is always a little treat, it makes you wanna melt into a puddle.
“Give us a little dance sweetheart, I’ve heard the way your hips move casts shame on the sea herself.” It’s tense as Namjoon raises his head just enough to watch, Jimin staring with intensity from the bar now. Jungkook clears his throat noisily a few times, then slowly starts to sway his hips to the tune of the bards song.
Perhaps he tends to be a little awkward, maybe a smidge outspoken, but he’s always been stunning. A captivating personality, a beautiful face, and now apparently hips that might be able to rival Jimin’s. The poet sways to the music almost sensually as the women cheer him on, rowdy as the sit at the table relatively close to yours, drinks in hand and eyes shining with glee. There’s a shout for him to “take it off”, and strangely enough, he starts to slip out of his shirt without a second though. Hm.
Glancing over at Jimin with a raised brow, he purses his lips and shrugs, clearly enjoying the show as Jungkook finally trips over his own feet. The crew of women don’t seem to mind though, cheering him on in their drunken state. Namjoon sighs noisily to your right, face defeated as he starts to stand up. It’s an unspoken rule; all damage control is in the hands of the captain.
“… I can’t believe it’s come to this, you all are very lucky I’m a nice captain. Slip out when you can _____, I’m sure Minnie will stick around as a watch out.” Apparently the charade has been going on much too long by Joonie’s standards when in reality, Jimin was supposed to lead them into the alleyway and knock them out. This, however, had been much more fun to watch. You continue to watch with an slightly open mouth as Namjoon swaggers up to Jungkook as he sways around with his shirt now mostly off, hands on his hips. He taps the younger man’s shoulder, Kookie turning and freezing like he’s been spotted by a walbear.
“Petunia! How COULD you!?!?” Namjoons voice is shrill over the music, some people turning to stare, others not caring at all. It takes everything in you not to cackle, and so you down the rest of your beer to keep quiet. If you thought Kookies acting was bad, well…
“W-what?” JK looks like he’s nearly about to cry, eyes big and watery as he stares up at Joonie. You can’t see the other man’s face, but something must silently cross between them because Kookie noticeably relaxes in the next few seconds.
“I can’t believe you’re dancing for other people again, you-you harlot! That’s it! I’m taking you home to our eight children!” … Eight? That’s quite a lot. Namjoon actually picks up poor Jungkook and runs out of the building with the smaller man over his shoulder, the three women who bought his time gaping like little fishies. Things could have went a lot worse if they weren’t such a lighthearted and very drunk crew…
Standing slowly from the table, you notice Jimin had departed from the bar at some point, now standing close to the entrance and watching you with expectant eyes. Grabbing your duster, you walk past the women and hide your grin as they mourn the loss of Petunia quite loudly. Jimin ushers you out of the tavern, leading you to the alleyway behind it where the two other men are waiting.
“Woooow JK, that was quite the performance love. Outshined me in every way.” Jungkook starts to sputter and hides his face as Jimin laughs at him, not cruelly but with clear intention to tease. Namjoon just sighs and pats the youngest man’s back, trying to comfort him as he attempts to get over the loss of his own dignity. You silently grab JKs hand, rubbing your thumb against his warm honey skin comfortingly as he glances at you with a shy smile.
“…The things I put up with for some gold. I’m about to walk my own planm”
#of blooms & bounties#jungkook x you#jungkook x reader#jungkook x y/n#jungkook fluff#Jungkook pirate au#bts x you#bts x reader#bts x y/n#bts fluff#bts pirate au
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HASO “Dream Come True.”
Hope you guys enjoy, and hope you all have a great day!
Adam took a drink before setting the glass back down on the table. Across from him, Donovan Red took a pull on his whisky, drinking deeply before setting his glass down wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“I’m Sorry about your man….. I didn’t intend for things to go that way.” Adam said staring down at the amber liquid in the glass before him.
Donavan signed, “Not your fault. Sometimes pride gets the better of us, and it’s hard to admit that an outsider might be able to beat us at our own game.” he patted Adam on the shoulder, “But you saved my life, which means I am, and will forever be in your debt.” He smiled
Adam tilted his head.
“That doesn’t seem to bother you too much.”
“I think there are much worse people to be indebted to. A least I know you won’t ask me to do something I don’t want to do. Not like other men I know.” He took another drink, the tattoos on his neck bobbing once and then twice as he swallowed, “So, tell me this favor that you are looking for. How can me and mine be of service.”
Adam sighed and slumped back in his seat. He felt like he should definitely be keeping quiet about what he wanted to tell the man, but it was hard keeping it to himself and the people on his ship.It would be nice if someone else knew what was going on.
And wasn’t that the point.
Isn’t that why he had come here.
“When I joined the UNSC, I never thought about politics. I was a fighter pilot and then a spaceship captain. I am no politician, but more and more I find myself having to do politics like things. People ask for my opinions on policy, and they encourage me to support one group over another. I have to manuver as a diplomat for the GA without trying to piss off the actual diplomat, who isn’t too happy that I sometimes get in the way of them doing their job.
I am the human representative to all of humanity, and I have to behave the right way, but, sometimes, in doing what I know is right people get mad at me for it. I am worried one day they are going to give me an order that I just can’t follow. Not to mention that I have suddenly become the figurehead for an entire political movement. Sometimes I have to make speeches now.” he threw up his hands, “I represent a coalition interested in cooperating with the GA and all her interests, but there is a very heavy isolationist mindset on earth that is mad that we ever even joined the UNSC. They have already attempted to assassinate me once, and I have no doubt that they are going to do it again.”
Donavan grunted and looked him over, “Yes, I remember hearing about that.” He looked Adam up and down slowly, “No offence, but you would make a shit politician.”
Adam sighed and nodded, “I know. The only reason that I have so much pull in the arena is based on what I represent, and how the GA feels about me, but now…. Now I am learning that there are factions of the GA that want me gone.”
Donavan rased an eyebrow in surprise, “The GA?”
Adam shrugged and sighed pushing his glass away from him, “Yes, some very powerful people are after me for something I never intended to do.”
“And who is this exactly?”
Adam shut his mouth forcing himself to think about it for a moment before finally making his decision.
He sighed and leaned back in his chair, “The chairwoman of the GA herself.”
Red almost choked on his drink, spewing some of it out onto the table before swallowing hard and setting his glass down very slowly.
“WHAT!”
“Adam nodded. I was chasing after some information, and infiltrated the pirate wing of the anti-alliance coalition as a man named captain Kell.”
Red held up a hand, “Hold on, YOU are Kell, no shit. I heard the guy was one badass pirate.”
Adam adjusted his eye-patch, “I AM one badass pirate, but either way, I used that cover to get to their leaders and saw a transmission being sent from the chairwoman of the GA that was ordering those men and women to kill me if they could manage it, and now I don’t know what to do. The chairwoman pretty much helped me get my job. As far as I can recall she was one of the most supportive when it came to my promotion to captain. Thought we were allies if not friends, and now I come to learn that she has been operating behind my back to stage my assasination.”
Red leaned up against the table, “Well no shit, that does suck.” He tapped his fingers together, “And of course you can’t tell anyone without proof, otherwise they aren’t going to believe you. If you are going to come up with allegations like those, then you are going to need hard evidence against her.
Adam nodded, “And I do have some evidence, the recording of what she said, but those sorts of things can be doctored. I need to expose her somehow. I don’t know how all of this fits in of course, but it is partially why I came to speak with you.”
Red waited and Adam continued.
“I can’t trust anyone within the GA, or even within the UNSC. My only option is to go outside the law like my enemies are doing. Fight fire with fire so to say. If they are using the criminal underbelly to try and kill me, then maybe I can use it to try and save me.”
Donavan was nodding slowly, “And you are hoping to fight fire with fire to speak?”
Adam sighed, “I don’t know what I am hoping , but I know for a fact you and your men have the most power in this system, enough that everyone knows but no one questions it. I know you can go deeper than I can ever attempt, and I was hoping that maybe you could keep an eye out for me, track the movements of the criminal underworld so to speak while I try and deal with those people who are pretending to do things legally.”
Red nodded slowly, ‘That is something I can do”
“But is it something you are willing to do?”
He tilted his head back thoughtfully to look up at the ceiling above, “I think it is. Not much different from things my men and I already do accept this time it is going to be for a worthy cause.”
He grinned, his gold capped teeth glittering in the dim light, “I-”
Just then, the implant in the side of his neck began to buzz. He held up a hand for Red to be silent, and the other man nodded leaning back in his seat to finish his drink as Adam answered the call.
“Madam president.” His tone of surprise roused red who raised an eyebrow.
“I have to say this is…. This is rather shocking. I didn’t know that you had this number.”
“I can have any number that interests me Admiral.”
“Yes of course.” He shifted nervously in his seat, “What can I do for you ma’am.”
“Do you know what important event happened on July 20th 1969, Admiral.”
He paused not entirely sure if this was a trick question.
“Go on. I know you of all people would know it.”
“The Apollo 11 moon landing ma’am.’
“More precisely, the 2051 anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. And it has been long in coming but the Global Aeronautics Space Division has decided to celebrate the occasion by recreating Apollo 11 down to every historical accuracy. The calculations will be done partially by hand and partially by computer. The Ship design will be exactly that of Apollo 11, etc. etc.”
Despite the stress he had been under the last few days, he felt his heart skip a beat.
“Wait, are…. Are you serious! That is amazing!”
“Yes yes.” She said cutting him off.
“And they want…. Or all of us want you to pilot that ship and command the mission as Commander Neil Armstrong would have in his time.”
The only response he was able to manage was a squeak, and he could feel the fangirl in him coming on hard and fast. He tried to clear his throat and remain professional, his heart pounding, a wide grin setting off across his face.
“Yes Ma’am you can count me in.”
“How confident are you that you can pilot the rocket?”
“I can fly anything ma’am.”
“Even so, we would like you back on earth as soon as possible to prepare for the event. This is a big historical recreation, and we want it to go as well as possible.”
“yes ma’am.”
The line went dead and he was no longer able to fight back the grin on his face.
Red watched him before standing, “We will get to work Admiral, and we will keep in contact. It’s good to know that my men and women are going to have something useful to occupy their time instead of sitting around twiddling their thumbs.”
Adam stood as well and took the man’s hand, “It should be a pleasure working with you.”
Red snorted skeptically, “You are too kind. I doubt it will be so pleasant, but consider yourself as a man who has friends in very low places.”
The two of them nodded and Adam excused himself back to his ship, racing towards his rooms with the giddy excitement of a school boy. The clind in him had awoken. He stopped to sit on the edge of his bed staring at the tiny recreated model of the lunar module sitting on the shelf above his bed glowing blue in the neon light above.
How cool was this going to be.
How dangerous was this going to be?
***
Eris was pleased to learn that she was not lactose intolerant. They hadn’t been sure based on her half alien half human anatomy if she would be able to handle some of the more harsh foods of the planet, but everything seemed to be working properly, a fact she was forever thankful for as she polished off her second bowl of ice cream.
She found the treat novel and delectable.
Leave it to human to think of eating flavored snow, or at least frozen cream.
And she liked it when they put little bits of candy on top.
Martha Sat on the floor next to the couch, and her husband sat in his chair watching ‘the Game’. Eris wasn’t sure what the rules were, but she liked watching them crash into each other. She wasn’t a big fan of all the talking they seemed to do in between the crashing together.
Martha and Jim had invited her to stay over for as long as she wanted after she told them the more detailed story of her life. They had been shocked but ultimately unsurprised to learn that she was less than three years old feeling sorry that she never got to have her childhood.
That’s why they were treating her like this, she knew.
They wanted to give her that little bit of her childhood.
She worried that they would be annoyed at her presence, but they seemed to have time with her sticking around indefinitely as far as she could tell . She wasn’t sure how long she was going to be staying, but for now, she was happy where she was.
Of course part of her being welcome had something to do with how Martha had no one to model clothes for her. Since her youngest son left the house she had been forced to model them herself, which made things difficult when she wanted to make alterations. But now that she had Eris, things were going much more smoothly,
At first Eris had been embarrassed to put on the clothing for her.
Once upon a time Eris hadn’t known better in thinking her body was weird. She had floated around without it using a gravity belt and no clothes, letting her long dark hair and ribbons cover what needed to be covered, but the more she learned about humans, the more self conscious she had grown, until hoodies and baggy pants were the only things she wore.
Martha did not approve of her wardrobe seeming to think Eris would look very striking in red or black.
Eris had tried on a few outfits for her nervousness at just how much of her alien otherness tended to show, with plunging backs and short skirts to show off her marble whie legs. Martha seemed to think the ribbons were pretty, and in everything she had Eris try on, they were on full display.
“Do they work like starborn ribbons?” Martha wondered, “I know they act sort of as solar sales, storing energy from the sun and using that to glide.”
Eris paused, “I don’t know. I was born on noctropolis where there is no sun, so I have never tried it.”
“I think you should.”
Eris shifted nervously, “But.”
Martha just smiled at her, “our backyard is fenced in, no one is going to see you.” Eris thoughts bout it for a moment and then set her bowl down to the side. She stood slowly and walked to the back sliding screen door and stepped out onto their back porch.
Technically it was only fenced in on two sides. The backside was open where the forest met their lawn growing deep and black as it went further back in to the depths.
Nervously Eris reached up and pulled off her hoodie dropping iit to the ground.
The tank top she wore had been made by Martha to accommodate her ribbons.
Once upon a time her gravity belt had allowed those ribbons to wave and undulate, but here they sagged with gravity and flowed behind her in the occasional wind current.
She turned around so they were facing the sun and waited.
And waited.
She felt nothing happening and was abut to go inside when.
When something started to happen.
She felt more…. Energized. Her blood seemed to grow warm and a smile spread across her face. At first she thought it was just all in her head, but then the warmth continued to blossom over her.
Her eyes went wide and she hummed softly feeling recharged from the sun like a battery.
She had her eyes closed and was just enjoying the radiation when she heard something ringing from the inside of the house followed by voices.
She was able to tear herself away from the warmth and stick her head inside.
“Adam, how are you doing.” Jim said and Eris could see Adam’s face projected on the TV.
She recognized a bit of herself in him. She had his nose, and his eyes shape.
“You are not going to believe who just called me.”
Martha smiled as she walked over to sit next to her husband, “Adam I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the president herself.”
Adam frowned some of the wind momentarily taken out of his sales, “Ok, yes it was the president, but.” e lit up almost immediately, “But you are not going to believe what she asked me to do.” He didn’t wait for them to guess, “She wants me to fly a recreated mission of the Apollo 11 moon landing. Historically accurate and everything!.” His grin was so wide it looked like he was going to split his face in half.
Martha’s eyes widened, “Really?”
Jim frowned, “That is great Adam, but…. Historically accurate?”
He nodded vigorously, “Yeah.”
“Son yu do realize the computer they used was less powerful than your mother’s automatic blow dryer.”
He waved a hand, “Yeah yeah, I know I know. Most of the math is probably going to be done by hand.”
Jim snorted and Martha grimaced, “Adam, sometimes I wish you had safer hobbies. I mean flying the omen is one thing, with those shields she could probably survive a meteor impact, but you understand the Apollo 11 mission flew in a rocket that that parts no heavier duty than your average tin can.”
“yes , and that makes it even more awesome.”
“I think you are getting dangerous and awesome confused again, son.”
“Oh come on, this is like a dream come true for me. ‘
Finally Martha and Jim sighed and broke out into smiles, “There is no changing your mind as usual.”
Adam grinned, “Nope.”
He turned his head just then, seeming to look through the camera, his eyes falling on Eris. Shock spread across his face, “Eris, is that you?”
She smiled shyly and moved forward, “Yeah, It’s me.”
“What are you doing there, I thought you were working at the hybrid foundation taking care of Glados and the others.”
She shrugged guiltily, “I…. well glados and the others wanted to go back to the adapted planet, and after that others started getting adopted, but then I sort of burnt out and wanted to come here and meet…..” She paused not sure if she should say
Martha put an arm around her, “She wanted to meet her grandparents and extended family.”
Adam looked surprised for a moment as if not having expected that before shrugging, “Just try to avoid mom’s side of the family if at all possible.”
“Adam.” Martha scolded, though she wasn’t actually mad.
He grinned, “I’ll be home in a few days.” he looked at eris, “Maybe I can show you around town when I get back….. If that’s something you’d be interested in?”
Eris shuffled her feet and quietly looked down, “Yeah,i’d like that.”
She wished she could read his thoughts in that moment. Was he only offering to be polite? She knew better than anyone that her birth had not been his fault. He had had his DNA stolen to make her, but still she couldn’t help but feel an affinity towards him. One that she knew wasn’t fiar for her to feel.
He hadn’t chosen for her to be born after all.
Not like other people
Did he just feel guilty?
Was she unwanted?
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[Part 3]
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Naruto reread Sasuke’s message one last time before dropping his phone on his desk and leaning against the back of his chair, his brows furrowed. His friend’s behavior wasn’t exactly strange: Sasuke had always had very little consideration for anything that wasn’t himself or his family but, even for his standards, that was a pretty dick move. He sighed. Whatever. Naruto would pick up the most expensive items on a menu somewhere and just give him the bill to pay, then; that was the least his friend could do.
He casted a glance around him, his eyes quickly scanning their surroundings. This room, just like the rest of the building, was relatively new and nicely furnished. The hospital must have been less than five years old and Naruto had to admit that he had been quite impressed upon seeing it for the very first time a week ago. His previous hospital well might have been one of the country’s most prestigious health care facilities, the premises themselves were now quite dilapidated and could certainly not compete against the wonders of the multibillion Uchiha money machine, as proven by this office. How big was it, twenty square meters? And just for one man? Naruto wasn’t used to such luxury.
Guiltlessly putting off the tedious set-up of his computer to a later time, he gathered up his phone and wallet before getting up, his hand hesitating to grab the thick orange parka he had showed up with earlier this morning. Usually, Naruto never left the hospital with his white coat on: sure, he had always been a bit of a show-off, but walking around in such apparel was for the braggers and the half-wits, which wasn’t his case. However, with such a big private hospital in the neighborhood, medical staff and patients must have been regulars of the restaurants and takeaways of the vicinity, and visually signaling on his first time out that he belonged to Konoha may be the smarter thing to do in case he needed help or anything. Plus, it wasn’t that cold anyway today for the season, courtesy of global warming.
Once on the sidewalk in front of the building’s main entrance and slightly shivering under the stiff fabric of the lab coat, his short and spiky hair catching the shy rays of sun that made it through the late February clouds, the hunt could finally start. He could have probably just ordered their meal online or checked for a place with good ratings beforehand, but there was something inherently exciting in just slipping his smartphone in his back pocket and wandering around those unfamiliar streets, on the lookout for a place to catch his eye.
To be honest, Naruto had also never been good at taking advice from other people online and clearly prefered discovering and experiencing life by himself, at the risk of making mistakes and missing out on opportunities. He passed a Korean barbecue restaurant, located only two buildings away, as well as a burger place and a tiny ramen joint, but kept on walking -regretfully. Knowing himself, he would probably be trying that ramen place on the very next day and every other one of the week, so picking up something more to Sasuke’s liking for once was in order. Moreover, he didn’t want to eat like a horse on his first day of work, especially when he was to meet the Chief of surgery and the Head of General surgery right after. A lighter option would probably be more appropriate…
Naruto squinted as he carefully studied the different establishments in the busy business street he had just gotten in: around him, salarymen and women in suits and pencil skirts jostled around the crowded sidewalks, eagerly rushing inside their favorite lunch places to grab their takeaway. Hmm. All these small restaurants seemed like great options, but their lines were quite long, with some people even waiting outside sometimes, and he did not have this kind of time on his hands. He strolled a couple of meters, passing more food joints without making his mind. Hmm hmm. All things considered, ordering online may not have been such a terrible idea, afterall.
He checked the time on his phone, and his mouth let out a little annoyed noise. He really had to hurry up if he wanted to make it on time for Sasuke. Damn it. Should he simply head back to the hospital and get food delivered? Maybe…
A sigh of relief escaped him when, stuck between a fastfood and a sushi chain, the sight of a tiny takeaway restaurant with only three customers inside appeared to him, and he hurriedly stepped inside, so happy to have found a place with such a short line that he almost knocked down the person who was waiting right in front of him with the door.
“Wow, my bad, sorry about that!” He apologized as he cautiously closed the glass door behind him, embarrassed. The customer turned around and gave him a sheepish smile.
“It’s all good, don’t you worry” they assured him with their soft voice before turning back again, and Naruto curiously looked at the menu, displayed on big black slates hanging behind the cashier. His relieved smile vanished instantly.
He had entered some kind of salad place.
He may not have been a picky eater but vegetables were definitely not a food group that he willingly welcomed to his table on a daily basis, and salads were the most remotely thing from a meal possible in his eyes. Instinctively, he raised his hand up in the hair and scratched the back of his neck. No wonder why no one was eating here! What was he, a rabbit?
He was in a hard place. On one hand, he had no intention whatsoever to eat leafs and roots for lunch, but on the other side, time was running out and it was getting too late to get food anywhere else. He glanced around, looking for help… But nobody was coming to his rescue.
He took a few steps front.
“Hmm, excuse-me, Ms?” He dared asking in a whisper the woman he had almost smashed the door into. Her ethereal eyes looked up to him again, wide and surprised. “Do you know by any chance what’s good on the menu?” He added, shakily. “I’m grabbing lunch for a friend and I and this former isn’t big on vegetables”. His lips stretched, the smile he had intended as comforting and charming coming off straight awkward and creepy. The woman blinked.
“I believe your friend is going to get disappointed no matter what…” She blinked again. “Salad bars are not exactly renowned for their fish or meat.”
Well, duh. He knew that already, he wasn’t exactly stupid. Just really unlucky to have walked into the one healthy restaurant on the street.
“Alright”, he conceded nonchalantly, “I’ll have what you’re having, then.”
The blue-haired woman raised an eyebrow, the ghost of a sly baby grin crossing her face.
“Except you don’t know what I’m having”, she pointed out to him, visibly amused by the turn of events. Naruto innocently shrugged his shoulders.
“I’ll just listen really carefully to your order”, he sassed back. The woman chuckled.
“And what if I whisper it to the cashier?”
Pfff. Too easy. “Then, I would just ask for what the person before me had”, he answered, a false serious look on his face that made the female customer's cheeks redden as she bit her smile away. In front of them, the line moved.
“Next customer, please?” Called the woman behind the cash register, and Naruto’s lovely line companion promptly moved forwards.
“Oh ah, sorry”, she managed to get out, the words now weirdly jostling against one another in her mouth, “May I have two number six with green teas, please?”
“Make that four, please!” Loudly chimed in Naruto, blatantly ignoring the somewhat scandalized look from the light-eyes woman that his familiarity was earning him, “But forget the green teas for me. Let’s tone all that healthiness down with some cokes instead.”
And with his order done, he respectfully took a step back to give his neighbor all the privacy they needed to pay.
Perhaps having a salad for lunch wasn’t the worst thing. The little scene that had just played out had somewhat reboosted him, successfully convincing his brain to release a wave of endorphins that were much needed on this stressful first day of work, and that almost compensated for the disgustingly green food he was about to ingest. Perhaps should he get the woman something, like offering to pay for her teas? To thank her for this nice parenthesis.
“Are you working at the Konoha hospital?”
Pulling him out of his reflection, the crystal voice of the customer caught Naruto’s attention again and he almost imperceptibly shook his head to chase the fog that was clouding his brain. The blouse had been a good idea, in the end.
“As a matter of fact”, he answered with a boyish smile, “Today’s my first day there! How did you guess?” He added with a lopsided smirk as he stretched his arms wide open to highlight the white coat. He wondered for a second what his interlocutor did for a living: judging by her pair of black leggings under her long dark purple coat and her flats, she wasn’t working a desk job -unless there were some fancy young startups in the surrounding area he didn’t know about. Would it be okay to ask her about her own job?
He didn’t tergiversate for long though as, coming from behind the cash register, an employee was already bringing her up a big brown bag.
“Ma’am, your order!” Announced the employee, and Naruto found himself almost frustrated that they had been so effective and fast. He was enjoying this impromptu interaction.
In front of him, the woman kindly accepted her package and, upon turning around to leave the shop, bowed her head in Naruto’s direction.
“It was a pleasure waiting in line with you” she told him, her liquid pupils focused on the floor. “May you have a pleasant lunch with your friend.”
“Thanks, you t-” started Naruto, but she was already gone, her small legs carrying her as quickly as they could outside of the door. The blond surgeon contemplated the glass for a second, dumbfounded. She had run away so fast. Was she actually in a hurry? She had seemed so calm this entire time, he would have never guessed so.
“Sir, your menus!”
With a polite smile, he walked in turn to the cashier and got his wallet out of his coat’s pocket. “How much do I owe you?” He asked, already reaching for some crumpled bills that he had shoved inside with very little care. The employee shook their head, and emphatically handed them his bag.
“The lady before you paid already. She said it was a gift for your first day of work.”
Oh.
He should have definitely offered to pay for her teas.
[Part 5]
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Lunar Recap
How it started. How it’s going. How it ended for the last lunar cycle of 2020.
This lunar cycle began with the New Moon on Jan. 12, 2021 @ 11:01 PM CT (Jan. 13 @ 05:01 UTC). It was the 13th Moon of 2020 according to the lunar calendar. And it ended Feb. 11, 2021, just before the 1st Moon of 2021! Happy Lunar New Year 2021, Year of the Ox!
South Korean Court Orders Japan to Compensate Women Forced into Sex Slavery
Colorado AG Opens Grand Jury Probe of Police Killing of Elijah McClain
Guantánamo Bay Prison Starts 20th Year of Indefinite Detentions
Pfizer to Boost COVID-19 Vaccine Output as WHO Warns of Vaccination Inequality
Lawmakers Catch COVID-19 After Sheltering in Room Where GOP Reps Refused Masks
FBI Warns of “Armed Protests” in All 50 States and at Biden’s Inauguration
Tomorrow is Sun conjunct Pluto. Something that’s been lurking in the shadows bout to jump out. Might be pretty big, but there’s also the individual personal experience of this event and might feel more like an early Full Moon for you.
House to Impeach Trump as GOP Shows Signs of Backing Removal
Well this is dumb. Sun conjunct Pluto?
The $3,000-a-month toilet for the Ivanka Trump/Jared Kushner Secret Service detail
I also remembered/realized how much I really love Anna Sui designs since I was a kid which is pretty random to pop up on my radar, but this woman gets that all I want is sparkly heart shaped objects in lacquered black and flowy hippie dresses
Trump Tells Aides Not to Pay Giuliani’s Legal Fees as Bid to Overturn Election Fails
All I know is talking about dreams and discussing them with others makes you feel better. The tarot angle is there to shed some light on what the dream is actually telling you.
Joe Biden Unveils $1.9 Trillion Coronavirus and Economic Relief Package
ICE’s Acting Director Resigns After Two Weeks on Job
Found out today the woman at the car mechanic I've been faithfully taking my car to for the past two years can speak to the dead and had some messages for me from my dad who passed in October-
Intuitive guided tarot card pull.
Waxing crescent into Aries Monday, January 18, 2021 at 1:06 AM CT Today’s Astro x Tarot forecast valid for the next 24 hours: Feelings are flaring up for you to make a statement, a very zippy move or a quick decision about someone or something.
So long as you remain flexible and agile, whatever you choose to do with them will work to your advantage. If you decide not to impose hyper-agility into your decision making rn, then kudos to you! You’ve gained practice points in self-control experience.
More Than 760,000 Pounds of Hot Pockets Recalled
‘I Answered the Call of My President’: Rioters Say Trump Urged Them On
Raphael Warnock and the Legacy of Racial Tyranny
The Extraordinary Courage of Aleksei Navalny
Whoa, I was like a cycle early on celebrating the lunar new year! I’ve been a month into the future for a week now. My bad! I apologize for any confusion.
I was thinking that the soul's law of attraction is probably pretty unstoppable even concerning partners, so like, if someone didn't love you back then it's not some mistake or human misunderstanding that you or they need to fix.
To find one's soulmate looks something like 2 souls flying towards each other from opposite ends of the galaxy to join their physical selves together in a collision force so brutal you're stuck like that and if that's not what yours looks like then maybe that ain't your soulmate?
All the men going to jail for their poop smearing Capitol rioting have online dating profiles and that’s reason no. 2 I do not date online! Reason no. 1 is ain’t nobody cute on there.
The Witch’s Myth: The true story of the crane husband
Where are your witch stars, Circe and Hekate, located? Their location can explain your relationship to witchcraft. Circe is in my 1st house influencing my outer appearances and Hekate is conjunct Jupiter influencing my domestic style and home to be distinctively witchy.
Sun into Aquarius Tuesday, January 19, 2021 at 2:33 PM CT Here is your Sun into Aquarius forecast effective for the next several weeks of Aquarius season.
Down to earth and grounded is our most qualified position to receive everything we need and use everything we receive. This is the reality of ourselves, the human condition.
We love reality based reality.
Get ready for reality-grounded White House press briefings
Why do people believe the lies they’re fed? Because those lies are designed to be more palatable than reality. Lies offer a quick easy patch, but what you’ve gotta ask yourself is are those lies actually designed to support the flow of all things into your life?
~* First Quarter Jan. 20 3:02 PM CT (21:02 UTC) *~
Biden and Harris Attend Memorial to Honor 400,000+ COVID-19 Victims in U.S. on Eve of Inauguration
Steve Bannon Among Final Trump Pardons and Commutations
Trump Admin Declares Multiculturalism Is “Not Who America Is” as WH Releases Racist, Revisionist Report
4,000+ Columbia Students Back Largest-Ever Tuition Strike
Today, whatever you’re doing or are wishing to become will be to the benefit of this unifying, love-aligned uprising.
Joe Biden Sworn In as 46th President of the United States, Ending Trump Era
Good inauguration Astro climate this morning feels like. #BidenHarrisInauguration
“What has shaken the U.S. population so badly, this assault on the Capitol yesterday, is really nothing by comparison to what U.S. operations have done in Latin America, in Asia, in Africa, in the Middle East, to other democratic movements and elected governments over the years.”
Progress towards wholeness can’t be made until we own up to the roles we’ve played in the past.
Read the full text of Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem ‘The Hill We Climb’
When did politics get so vibrant and fashionably uplifting? Please and thank you! #Inauguration2021
The two of wands says to review your options, do your research, crunch the numbers, imagine the outcomes, but there’s no need to force making a choice if you don’t have to. Buy yourself some time and let the plans for a resolution find you, not the other way around.
Donald Trump Leaves Office and Washington, D.C., Threatens “We Will Be Back”
Watchdogs Demand Transparency as Corporations Pour Millions into Biden-Harris Inauguration
Senate Dems File Ethics Complaint Against Sens. Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley over Jan. 6 Insurrection
Federal Forces Arrest Ex-Marine for Beating Officer with a Hockey Stick During Capitol Riots
It’s Friday and it just feels good to be alive, a socialist and calling Bernie Sanders cute on Inauguration Day week! What a difference a pandemic makes.
Instacart Lays Off 2,000 Workers, Including Group Who Started Company’s First Union
Mars square Jupiter January 23, 2021 @ 1:49 AM CT (7:49 GMT) Someone wants you to know that you are ready to conquer your perceived limits to arrive at expansion in your thoughts, feelings, emotions and understanding today.
Waxing gibbous into Cancer January 25, 2021 @ 12:51 PM CT (18:51 GMT) It’s a supportive Moon for dreaming for mental health and well being. Begin a dream journal or review your latest dreams, reflecting on them for a few minutes today.
You are opening yourself up to an emotional practice that includes care for yourself in ways no one else (besides you and your connection to the Moon) can provide.
And too my Tarot Dream Readings are open if you would like guidance or support on a particular dream. See my pinned tweet for how it works.
When one’s soul is allowed to lead one’s life, working in the dark shadows, the invisible silence, the soul’s manifesting results are way more lasting and way more powerful than egocentric anything.
Good morning, self! A reminder my ego has never done a thing for me my soul can’t do better.
National Guard Deployment at U.S. Capitol Becomes COVID-19 Superspreader Event
Russia Violently Cracks Down on Protesters Calling for Release of Alexei Navalny
Trump Plotted to Oust Acting AG, Use DOJ to Force Georgia to Overturn Election Results
Hunts Point Market Workers in the Bronx Win Wage Increase After Week-Long Strike
This mourning brooch is a mindful way to mark the death of a loved one while paying tribute to the impact it has had on you. Bring back this Victorian trend!
Veteran Talk Show Host Larry King Dies After Hospitalization for COVID-19
Hank Aaron, Who Overcame Racist Barriers to Become Home Run Record-Holder, Dies at 86
We don’t give our bodies or our intuition enough attention and nourishment a lot of the time, so today’s the day we practice finding and sitting quietly with our inner voice.
~* Full Moon Jan. 28 1:17 PM CT (19:17 UTC) *~
House Delivers Article of Impeachment to Senate, Triggering Trump’s Second Trial
Dominion Voting Systems Sues Rudy Giuliani for Lying About 2020 Election
President Biden Increases U.S. Vaccination Goal to 150 Million Shots in 100 Days
President Biden Reverses Trump’s Transgender Military Service Ban
Biden Restores Plan to Feature Abolitionist Harriet Tubman on $20 Bill
Value is further added the more you mint your words with a most whole and complete love. Love is the greatest asset we can let appreciate in our lifetimes.
This Full Moon tomorrow sends a flash point that reminds you to circulate this wealth because it’s the greatest emotional gift we can bestow upon our loved ones, family, friends, neighbors, elders, members of our community, etc.
Venus conjunct Pluto in Capricorn January 28, 2021 @ 10:18 AM CT (16:18 GMT) Going through your day today uncovers a forgotten desire or creative goal. You find yourself asking something like: Remember when I wanted to become a pastry chef?
Although you decided to pursue a different course, take a moment to focus on and honor this memory when it arrives and then release it. What did you become instead and why?
45 Senate Republicans Back Dismissal of Trump Impeachment Trial
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Supported Violence Against Pelosi and Others in 2018 Facebook Posts
Taking the time to recognize and honor your past desires gives the respect these memories deserve and it integrates them into the whole wider scene of the individual, both shadow and light on your path builds confidence in your steps, confidence in yourself.
You are who you are for a reason.
Had no idea how literal this grassroots King of Pentacles card was gonna materialize today, but here it is folks! When a subreddit takes down a hedge fund!
Leader of Proud Boys, Enrique Tarrio, Was a Government Informer
U.S. Freezes Arms Sales to Saudi Arabia, Reviews Deal with UAE Made Under Trump Admin
Poland Enacts Near-Total Ban on Abortions, Triggering More Protests
Honduras Locks In Total Ban on Abortions, Attacks Marriage Equality
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Confronts Parkland Survivor David Hogg in Newly Resurfaced Video
The stock market this morning: Sh*t! Normal working class people read the market and figured out the game! Time to change the rules again. Let’s write it in ancient Babylonian hieroglyphs this time. They’ll never figure that sh*t out.
A message crucial to promote the awareness of your personal role in the collective will become evident over the next three weeks. You will come to ask yourself, What am I doing with my life?
If you aren’t familiar or comfortable with seeking your inner journey, then the greatest clue I can offer you at the start is to become open to the invisible world within you. How you learn to relate to it is completely personal and uniquely your own
Speaking in more concrete terms the next few weeks may manifest a life event for you where you must apply both logic and feeling in order to arrive at a satisfactory conclusion concerning an interpersonal relationship or the question what am I doing with my life?
This Mercury retrograde should be a cinch, but during it don’t buy tech if you don’t have to. And remember to triple check communication before hitting send. If you arrive at conflict be quick to apologize and say no more until tomorrow
President Biden Expands Affordable Care Act Enrollment Amid COVID-19 Pandemic
House Speaker Blasts GOP for Assigning Racist Conspiracy Theorist to House Education Committee
Lawmakers Demand Probe into Trading App Robinhood After It Blocked Stock Sales That Hurt Hedge Funds
Pioneering African American Actor Cicely Tyson, Winner of Two Emmys, Dies at 96
Sun in Aquarius square Mars in Taurus February 1, 2021 @ 4:33 AM CT (10:33 GMT) The warrior’s edge has melted away and now you can take the scenic route through a field of wildflowers and mushrooms instead of blasting your way through a hillside of obstacles.
This energy catalyzes a scene that supports growth through varied experiences and it encourages everyone to seek their own way to resolutions, conclusions and understandings that are uniquely their own. Searching out your own way illuminates a strategic aspect of your purpose.
Happy Venus in Aquarius! The idea to refresh your wardrobe, hairstyle or redecorating by public opinion can be too hard to ignore under this influence. Your personal style will be influenced by the collective for the duration.
Burmese Military Stage Coup, Detain Aung San Suu Kyi
FBI Uncovers Evidence Jan. 6 Attack Was Premeditated as More Far-Right Rioters Face Charges
Trump Faces More Businesses-Related Woes as His Legal Team Departs a Week Before Impeachment Trial
It’s only the 21st day of the lunar cycle and already we’ve gone from the end of a rotten presidential era to the people’s revolution of the stock market, ok? And this moon ain’t even finished yet!
~* Last Quarter Feb. 4 11:38 AM CT (17:38 UTC) *~
U.S. Tops 26 Million COVID-19 Vaccine Shots, Surpassing Confirmed Coronavirus Cases
Moon Last Quarter in Scorpio February 4, 2021 @ 11:38 AM CT (17:38 UTC) A time for Descending, settling, closure, receiving compliments for doing a good job. Prime time for tying of loose ends and wrapping up unfinished business.
Democrats Say Trump “Singularly Responsible” for Jan. 6 Insurrection in Impeachment Brief
With consciousness humans are able to transcend the unconscious and reconfigure our relationship to it.
Though we can transcend the unconscious through viewing ourselves objectively, we are still apart of the the unconscious. Those rules still apply to us even as we contemplate their logic.
Jeff Bezos Steps Down as Amazon CEO After Amassing Huge Personal Fortune
Amazon to Pay Contract Drivers $61.7 Million After FTC Probe Finds It Stole Tips to Pay Wages
Republican Leader Won’t Punish Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene over Racist and Violent Rhetoric
Prosecutors Seek Rearrest of Kyle Rittenhouse, Wisconsin Teen Charged with Killing 2 Protesters
Sometimes the right thing to do is protect your one actual valuable thing not by defending it, but closing up all the channels the valuable thing is being attacked from the outside. Sometimes you just gotta block, delete or remove your account and move on with/to what's good.
What if we wake up one day and COVID has disappeared, like poof! It vanished into thin air? Maybe it’s the moon opposed to Uranus that’s got me wishing wild problem solvers would pop up overnight.
Poll Reveals 25% of U.S. Adults Plan to Gather at Super Bowl Watch Parties
VP Harris Casts Tie-Breaking Vote to Move Ahead with Democratic COVID Relief Bill
House Removes Marjorie Taylor Greene from Committees over Violent, Bigoted Rhetoric
Smartmatic Sues Fox News, Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell for Election-Related Lies
I unfollowed some lawmakers this morning after feeling second hand anxiety over the handling of their interpersonal conflicts. Realized they were me on IG two years ago and I’ve moved on since. Can relate, but don’t wanna relive, thanks!
I just want to let y’all know that I’m coping w insufficient candle syndrome & will be studying the art & science of candle making to save myself potentially hundreds of thousands of $$ by making my own delicious smelling coconut wax babies in diy terra cotta flower pots.
Wyoming GOP Censures Rep. Liz Cheney for Backing Trump’s Impeachment
Mass Protests Continue in Burma Opposing Military Coup, Removal of Aung San Suu Kyi
You may tell others like it is today, but hopefully this inspires you to check in with yourself and be honest/come clean about something you've been overlooking.
Indian Farmworkers Blockade Roads as Mass Protests Show No Sign of Slowing Down
Black Sheriff’s Deputy in Louisiana Dies by Suicide After Condemning Police Violence and Racism
Amazon Workers in Alabama Begin Historic Vote on Unionization
Second Impeachment Trial of Donald J. Trump Opens in the Senate
Georgia’s Secretary of State to Probe Trump’s Efforts to Overturn 2020 Election
Mercury square Mars February 10, 2021 @ 6:14 AM CT (12:14 UTC) Still talking about talking, it’s also Dark Moon time to shape or let a habit form. This practice can come from breaking free of outdated relationships with yourself or with others in order to spur growth.
Dreamed Jungkook was correcting my pronunciation of Korean last night. I’m sorry! I’ll try harder to take this lesson seriously
Senate Votes to Proceed with Impeachment as Managers Present Harrowing Video of Jan. 6 Insurrection
Gov’t to Send Vaccines to Community Health Centers as U.S. Continues Ramping Up Vaccinations
WHO Team Confirms COVID-19 of Animal Origin; Ghana Shuts Parliament After Outbreak Infects Lawmakers
Journalists Decry Raid on Progressive Indian News Site NewsClick
U.S. to Pursue Extradition of Julian Assange as Press Freedom Groups Warn of Dangerous Precede
Fossil Fuel Pollution Causes One in Five Global Deaths
Four Louisiana Officers Arrested over Police Brutality Cases and Other Misconduct
Two NYT Journalists Exit Paper Following Revelations of Improper Conduct
Venus conjunct Jupiter February 11, 2021 @ 8:59 AM CT (14:59 UTC) Receive the overflow of creativity into your life. Welcome it even if you aren’t sure what to do with it. Write down project ideas if you don’t have the energy to start on them now. You can work on them later.
I'm cool with double masking, but a lot of folks still aren't even doing the one :|
“The Inciter-in-Chief”: Democrats Accuse Trump of Being “Singularly Responsible” for Insurrection
U.S. COVID Death Toll Tops 471,000; Half of All Deaths Occurred Since Nov. 1
Saudi Women’s Rights Activist Loujain al-Hathloul Released After 1,001 Days in Prison
Biden Administration to Continue Trump-Era Policy of Turning Away Asylum Seekers at Southern Border
Sen. Bernie Sanders Grills Neera Tanden, Biden’s Pick to Head OMB
Sen. Bernie Sanders: “According to The Washington Post, since 2014, the Center for American Progress has received roughly $5.5 million from Walmart, a company that pays its workers starvation wages; $900,000 from the Bank of America; $550,000 from JPMorgan Chase; $550,000 from Amazon; $200,000 from Wells Fargo; $800,000 from Facebook; and up to $1.4 million from Google. In other words, CAP has received money from some of the most powerful special interests in our country. How will your relationship with those very powerful special interests impact your decision-making if you are appointed to be the head of OMB?”
Neera Tanden: “Senator, I thank you for that question. It will have zero impact on my — on my decision-making.”
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“50% Feminine.”
I’m going mad again, I’m listing probable reasons, but going mad isn’t reasonable, it’s something that just happens to me from time to time. This is one of the slow, creepy-uppy episodes, not one of the sudden, explosive ones, possibly less dangerous, but incredibly draining. It’ll pass, it always does, it had better do, it’s bloody horrible.
Standard disclaimer, I am at increased risk of harm, but I have no intent or ideation of deliberately harming myself, apart from drinking too much cheap-and-nasty wine, which is my standard maladaptive coping mechanism.
I woke up at 1.30am, and, after a brief discussion with my wonky brain, acknowledged that I was Awake-awake, and there was no chance of going back to sleep. This will have a knock-on effect for a few days, there’s a fair chance I’ll fall asleep in my dinner, but it’s mostly containable. (The madness, as well as the dinner.) Scrolling through Twitter, to see if I’d ‘missed anything’, I found a link to ‘My Gender Coordinates’, and decided to take the quiz, no better or worse use of my time than a Fakebook quiz to tell me what sort of sandwich, or shoe I am.
There are 35 questions, I can’t remember exactly how they’re worded, but it’s along the lines of “I am...” or “I consider myself...” about various character traits, or behaviours, you ‘answer’ on a sliding scale from double-thumbs-up to double-thumbs-down. There’s a ‘middle’ option, which, when I’m going mad, is always a bit tempting, I’m indifferent, I don’t care much about much when I’m in this state.(Until I do, and get all emotionally peaky, HATING an empty shampoo bottle on the bathroom floor, but refusing to move it, because it’s not mine, or finding myself close to tears because I think I’ve offended someone, and not quite knowing how to check.)
The ‘results’ come out on a quadrant-graph thingy, Masculine/Androgynous/Undifferentiated/Feminine, I deliberately didn’t look at that first, because I would have skewed my answers, aiming for ‘undifferentiated’, I’m awkward like that. My results were that I ‘fall between quadrants’, no big surprise there, my dot was bang on the line between ‘masculine’ and ‘androgynous’, all in the top half of the square, ‘68.3% Masculine, 50% Feminine’, I don’t know how that works, it’s numbers, and maths and stuff, and my brain doesn’t work like that. (Haha, because I’m a girl, and girls are better at biology than physics. Bullshit.)
What does it mean? In all likelihood, nothing, it does look kind-of scientific, which is why I answered all of the questions, instead of giving up at the first hint of a cartoon dinosaur, or a ‘pick which colour-scheme appeals to you’. (Cartoon dinosaurs are my new pet hate, I’ve recently had to wade back through the clip-art infested worksheets from the last mental health course, and I’m fairly certain I’ve imagined a cartoon dinosaur, but that’s a tangent I’ll try to avoid.) I have strong opinions on the concept of gender, for however-many years I’ve been writing on here, I’ve identified as ‘meat no-one eats’, my biological sex is female, and my uterus is certainly reminding me of that fact this week. My gender? Human. Probably.
“Identified as”, how very modern, it’s not ‘really’ a new thing, to me, or the world, what I’m trying to do here is type out a safe-release, to vent, I suppose it all boils down to my resentment of being ‘told’. There are vague childhood memories of being told “Ladies do/don’t do...”, and I have a ridiculous rage-bubble of “Yes, and sloths poo once a week, what’s your point?”, too late one thinks of what one might have said. I’m no more a lady than I am a sloth, I’m probably leaning more towards sloth at the moment, I’m overdue a bath.
Working through the statement-ratings, I noticed I was pulling a face at some of them. All of them, to be honest, which surprised me, because, with a diagnosis of autism, there’s the preconception that my response would be binary-linear, black-or-white, always/never. It wasn’t, my response was invariably “That’s a stupid question.”, and they weren’t questions, for every single statement, I decided “Unable to answer without context.”, and had to imagine a scenario to contextualise “I am generous” or “I am decisive”, or whatever. ( I *am* decisive, given sufficient context.) I need to watch that I don’t fall into a psychopath/sociopath rabbit-hole here, my sometimes-linear approach could be viewed as psychopathic, and my bending/masking could fit a sociopathic profile. Too many personality quizzes in my teen-girl magazines, and an on-going desire to name and categorize things.
I was pulling a face at the statements that are usually associated with the concept of femininity, there really isn’t a male-brain/female-brain. (All brains smell horrible, I have smelled my own brain, wasn’t pleasant.) There are some biological differences, most notably the reproductive bits, but not really a great deal else, the ex used to say that humans were evolving to be more androgynous, but I see now that he was trying to justify the societally-imposed feelings of inadequacy that I was as tall as him, with more body-hair. He ascribed to the concept of androgyny when it suited him, lauding Bowie in public, and insisting I was ‘better’ at housework in private. A product of his upbringing, but deeply coercive-toxic. He enjoyed my androgynous-atypical nature up to a point, I was a trophy in more ways than just my long legs and pretty mouth, I confused the hell out of his ‘traditional’ family, though.
The statements that made me screw up my face could have been coloured pink, they were the ones that ‘ladies do’, some, I consciously, deliberately-don’t, and some are just a natural hard-no, nature vs nurture in evidence. I have learned behaviours, and innate, natural tendencies, there was a bit of a domestic issue the other day when I noted my son being manipulative, and destroyed-devastated myself wondering if he’d learned-observed that from me. I don’t think so, my avoidance-behaviours are quite different. I was pulling faces at the stereotypical ‘female’ traits, initially an “Ew, no, I don’t do that!” response, but, as I realised I was doing it, I wondered WHY I was repulsed. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with being kind/sensitive/compassionate, they’re human responses, not ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’, but even the quiz itself refers to them as “Traits commonly found in people of the ... gender.” (Androgynous is referred to as high in male- and female-typical traits, undifferentiated as low in both.) Commonly, not exclusively.
Part of the issue is that I associate femininity with vulnerability and weakness. I choose not to ‘present as’ female most of the time, my sex usually isn’t obvious until people get close, and I don’t let many people get that close. (Even before the virus-distancing.) There are ‘historical and complicating factors’ behind some of that, but there’s also the gender-conditioning I grew up with, girls-should, and boys-should, I didn’t have particularly positive experiences or role-models, but, even aside from that, the general concensus was that male was stronger, better, more important, female was secondary and subservient. To do something ‘like a girl’ was an insult, but, by the same token, I was often criticised for not being ‘girly’, ever the outlier. I’m wondering how much of the non-femininity is reactive-protective, how much could be part of the autism, and how much is just ‘how I am’?
Girly-females irritate me, vacuous conversations, hair-and-make-up, dependence on others, incessant diets and fads, I don’t ‘get’ any of it, and I don’t buy into it, I don’t see why I should, just because my genitals are in the more difficult-to-kick arrangement. (True to form, my son has more make-up and hair-stuff than I do, I can’t remember how he referred to my presentation a few weeks ago, but it might have involved goblins, and a bin.) Occasionally, people tell me I could be attractive if I made an effort, my go-to response is “What for?”, I do generally look as if I live in a tree, it doesn’t bother me. That’s not wholly a girl-thing or a boy-thing, I do know some very well-presented people of both flavours, but I’ve genuinely never overheard a group of men discussing razor-blades or underpants the way I’ve heard gaggles of women banging on about make-up and such.
Women who talk in baby-voices, women who giggle and simper around men, women who don’t even try to pick things up themselves, I think what I’m saying is that I don’t like women who ‘act as’ women, and it is an act, my mother’s phone-laugh used to make me want to scream.
Before I became annoyed at myself for placing more value on the traits more commonly associated with masculinity than femininity, I’d had a mini-argument with myself that it was impossible to rate any of the statements objectively. Am I kind? It depends on the situation, last week I helped a little old lady sort out a mis-delivered parcel, but the week before that, I’d sped up my walking pace, so I could get into the corner shop before the person behind me, it might have been the same little old lady, I wasn’t paying attention. I’d viewed the thumbs-rating as a never-always continuum, so, technically, all of the responses ‘should’ have been middle-option, for ‘sometimes’. (There might have been an explanation in the site somewhere, it was daft o’clock in the morning.) For each behaviour, I was thinking of a situation, which was wrong, I think I should have been rating least-likely to most-likely. The situation has an influence on the behaviour, if I had friends, I’d behave differently with them to the way I’d behave with a doctor, or a manager, or my son, and even that behaviour would depend on multiple external factors, it wouldn’t be static-consistent, it would be dynamic. We all do it, we’re socially conditioned to behave according to audience and environment.
I didn’t go to finishing school, I didn’t even go to university, there were no elocution or deportment classes at my rough-as-arseholes comprehensive school, and most of my childhood meals at home were eaten from a plate on my knee, on the sofa, in front of the TV. There were still expectations, though. Standing up if a teacher came into the classroom, not interrupting an adult speaking, letting elderly or otherwise infirm people on the bus first. I don’t remember my brother being given as many instructions as I was, though, and I think that was more to do with me being a girl than being two and a half years older, he did pretty much as he pleased, and was a ‘rascal’, or a ‘scamp’, whereas I was told to sit down (nicely), be quiet, smile, be helpful etc long before the wear a bra, brush your hair, show a bit of leg nonsense started.
I’m fairly certain that the gender-specific conditioning is part of the reason my autism wasn’t diagnosed until I was 42. I’d had expectations drummed, and sometimes beaten into me all my life, everything was already an act, a performance, so I just assumed everyone else was ‘faking it’ all the time, over-riding gut-instinct on everything, and acting according to these confusing social scripts. The “What for?” streak in me is problematic for other people, I’m viewed as difficult, challenging, sometimes plain rude, and overly bold ‘for a woman’. I don’t speak much, but, when I do, I make it count, I’m tenacious and determined, and, most of the time, completely exhausted trying to remember and correctly apply rules and boundaries, scripts I don’t understand the reasoning behind, and constantly-consistently assess environments and audiences, to avoid ‘getting it wrong’.
I am blunt at times. I can be articulate and eloquent, but sometimes a situation demands just-enough information to convey the salient point. I don’t tend to ‘waste words’, and am frustrated when people fanny about with “Does that make sense?” and “This might sound silly, but...” Anecdotally, I hear that from women more than men, we’re discouraged from being too much to-the-point, to go the long way around things, instead of straight at them, and to check for reassurance. I speak ‘like a man’, it’s more efficient. (”Does everyone understand what they are to do?” was my preferred meeting-closing-statement, I’m brutal.)
I sometimes see the reverse-of-me in my son, he isn’t the least bit blunt or brutal most of the time. (He did shout “Stop it!” at me quite forcefully one day last week when I was having a meltdown after getting bin-juice on my face. He saves his command-voice for emergencies.) He ties himself in knots about communicating with people, and avoids most conversation, although he’ll babble incessantly to himself to process thoughts and ideas. (I have sores inside my ears that won’t heal, because I keep putting my earphones in to drown out his waffling about D&D plots and such.) He’s nervous-anxious where I’m bold, he’s scared of a million things that I’m not in the least bit concerned by, but then, I am an idiot. Biological sex is not gender, but neither of us are really binary-gendered. (I’m not going to suggest he does the quiz, he’s so incredibly indecisive it would melt his brain.) I never conditioned him ‘male’, he’s always just been another human to me, but he has had conflicting messages from his Dad’s side of the family, boys-don’t-cry, come-and-kick-this-ball, look-at-the-tits-on-that, and the girly-girl aunts and cousins. Confusing times, but he has referred to himself as a pan-sexual trans-humanist, and I don’t really know what that is. (He hasn’t asked me to use different pronouns, or a different name, so he’s still ‘him’.)
I’m rambling. I’ve been pecking away at this for hours, but I do feel a little more settled for doing it. I didn’t go off on as many ranty tangents as I thought I might, which is reassuring, this episode of going mad has been mostly-irritable, and I don’t like it. Catch-22, there, as a female, I’m ‘supposed to’ be all pink and fluffy, and nice, but the lazy stereotype of a woman can also be a nagging old harridan, I’m straddling that line as well as the line between quadrants on the quiz. I bet you 10p that if I did the quiz again, I’d be able to skew the answers to place the dot dead-centre in the grid, but I might blow up the internet if I did that, and imagine the mess that would make.
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That one.
Monsta X (Wonho Maifia Au)
Part1 / Part2 / Part3 /...
A/N: This is a bit new as an idea for me. Enjoy and sorry for any mistakes made. :*
Word count: 3,109
Warnings: Blood, talk of death, cussing
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Society lived normal lives and complained about little things. They never knew what it was to struggle, live day for day and know your life wasn’t yours to begin with. Your whole world was a small room. One bed, one desk and little objects scattered all around it. You would wake up to screams, loud noises people from the rooms next to you banging. After the first few years you stop noticing what happened outside your prison.
Placing your headphones in your ear, you would sit on the bed, knees to the chest, looking at the wall. New people came in and out of this building. There was no escaping it, one had only 2 options. Get ‘adopted’ by some sketchy organisation, or get carried out in a body bag. Sadly the truth was that there weren’t many workers like you and most couldn’t take the first 10 days in this rat hole.
If you get adopted you either get killed, or end it all yourself. So in the end of the day it was die or die. You were here already for the 5th year, but your room being at the end of the corridor, where the craziest creatures were, no one visited. Mostly because you staid quiet and it felt like there wasn’t anyone to even check.
It had been even more empty since your brother ,in life conditions ,got adopted a few days ago. Yuu was a boy originally from Guangzhou, China. He was pretty happy, the opposite of you. You came to like him after spending almost 2 years in here. Talkative Yuu would get scolded often, but you never thought he would be taken like that with the soft character he had.
Today was a Friday on which usually you would get customers. As always you were in the same spot, listening to music, the muzzle being held onto your head with a lock. The only thing you could hear was the music blasting in your ears, keeping you in this world you created for yourself.
“Sir. We didn’t know that someone like you would be coming here these days.” a man was talking outside, following a bunch of men “Most haven’t been surviving lately and we have been loosing them like flies. Not many have been found too.” they stopped next to your door and peeked into Yuu’s old home “This one here was the last danger level we had. He was adopted 3 days ago.”
A loud hit echoed in the hallway. The man was obviously pissed at this news.
“Hyung.” a boy almost whispered standing in front of your door “Look.” the man and his people followed right behind him, peeking into the dark room.
“ Oh that is number 23.She was one of our first arrivals, pretty docile and quiet, we never had any problems with her.” the worker rubbed his palms together uneasy
“Isn’t this supposed to be the code red wing? “ the boy who found you commented with a raised eyebrow
“Well yes, she is here on boss’s orders but unlike everyone else she never made a peep and never tried to kill herself.” he was talking fast, worried that one wrong move and his head will roll on the floor
“Open the door.” the main shot spoke silently
“S-sir I can’t do that.” the worker kept fidgeting, tripping over his words. Suddenly they got stuck in his throat ,when the tall man grabbed his shirt.
“I didn’t ask you, I told you to do it.” pushing him back he fell on the floor and fiddled, pulling out the keys. The sudden light creeping in your room finally made you notice what was happening outside. Your head moved slowly left, view point raising up, you saw him (look at gif)
Your eyes locked onto him, his blonde hair was moving gently as a small smirk creeped onto his lips. His hand reached in from the hole and he waved at you slowly. With the same speed you stood up and walked over to him.The light of the hallway was illuminating your body from your nose down. Going closer in your line of sight ,the keeper in panic pulled out a gun and pointed it at you.
“S-stay back beast!” he was told that if anyone walks past the line in their room he was allowed to shoot and you did just that. His voice was very loud and you could hear it from the headphones. The moment you looked at him, the man snapped from the fear and shot once at you, hitting one of the cables coming down from your ear. This being your only means of escape from the dark world, made his action unforgivable.
Since the area from your nose up was covered in darkness, the blood red color of your eyes illuminated everything like it was nothing. Your hand creeped into the door, nails scratching he titanium.
“Sir let’s move!” the man hid his weapon and started pushing the gang of men to move, but the blonde haired man didn’t take even the smallest step.
“I want that one.” he stepped away from the door and waited for the worker to unlock the gate. He hesitated after what he just did ,but the gang wasn’t feeling very friendly towards him and both ways he was gonna get it. Calling upon a few more people, they opened the gate. There was a moment of silence before a hand grabbed the edge of the wall and crawled out from the pitch darkness. Your eyes were stinging from the sudden light. Looking around, you were scanning everyone, the way they were dressed, the things they had on them.
The guards escorted you to a room where you found two women. They were dressed in military clothes and had weapons as well.Quite understandable.
“Congratulations, you are getting adopted.” one of them walked up to you, her hand pulling you onto a chair and brushing out the hair you were growing for 5 years now “I will cut only a bit of it, since last time we tried you broke our equipment.” the other one stripped you naked and pulled out clothes you had never seen before.
“This is something like a gift from us to you. Chose the style you like.” your hair had been tried up into a high ponytail reaching below your butt. There was a pair of black skinny jeans with ripped knees and a over-sized hoodie that caught your eyes. The women helped you get dressed since you had never tried things like these on and gave you a pair of military boots that had a bit of a heel on them. It felt awkward at first but you got the hand of it.
“I would have put some makeup on you, even if you look really pretty without it. But that muzzle is in the way.”the woman flashed you a sad smile “ You a code red?” you nodded slowly
“Must have been awful here for you. I hope you find some happiness outside.” the women knew that it wasn’t possible ,but most of the children here were taken care of by them and somehow they had a maternal instinct towards them.Stepping out and the group of men laid their eyes on you. From behind them walked up the blonde man, leaning down to look at you.
“Look at you. “ his eyes scanned you up and down a few times, before he lifted his hand towards the guards “Key.” after a bit of discussing, they handed over a small object. The man took it swiftly and leaning closer to you. For a second your eyes widened, but the clicking sound you heard followed the loud tud. Your lips parted a bit as your palms ran over your cheeks. Snapping your head up you saw him smiling at you “I knew you were even prettier without that thing.”
You couldn’t believe you were feeling your skin, your head wasn’t heavy anymore and it felt nice for once. His big hand came in front of you and you just stared at it. “I don’t bite, I promise.” the man smiled, but you were confused. The gang of boys were staring closely when their boss gently pulled your arm up and placed it onto his, closing his fingers around your hand “ Next time I do this, grab my hand, ok?” you nodded shortly after. With one swift move he pulled you out of the gigantic building and you realized that you were in the middle of nowhere this whole time. Land upon land and nothing else insight.
The men opened a car door and sat down one after the other, as you stared.
“Hyung.”someone with brown hair pointed at you. You were inspecting the whole situation. Two strong hands grabbed your hips and lifted you up from the ground pulling you into the vehicle and onto his firm lap.
“There we go.” you sat there,quiet just flashing everyone big doe eyes
“I don’t mean to be the one saying this, but Wonho you sure she can do the job we need her to do? Unlike the others we saw she seems.....weak.” this one had an interesting face shape and was also blonde
“She was in the danger zone, I am sure there was a reason for that.” the man looked at you while you were sitting onto his lap “I think we should introduce ourselves.” from your right their names were Shownu, I.M, Minhyuk, Kihyun, Hyungwon and Jooheon. “I am known as Wonho the boss of this mafia family.” he rubbed his hand onto your back in a calming and soothing way, trying to make you comfortable.
Your head was staring out the car window, as you were taking in all the new things around you.
“Y/N.” everyone had given up on a conversation with you when you spoke
“Huh?” Jooheon noticed your voice
“That is my name.” you added, looking at the men in the car “You were introducing yourselves right?” the boy just nodded, shocked from your answer
“Good girl.” Wonho patted your thigh. Your eyes trembled a bit when you heard praise, something that never even reached your room in that hellhole.
“So...”Shownu turned towards you “How long have you been in there?Any family or something like that?”
“5 years, I had a mom, dad and brother. “ you explained
“Do they...um kidnap you from your home or something like that?” Jooheon jumped back into the convo. Pursing your lips out you thought for a bit.
“It’s called harvesting. When a meta human awakens they get a single. The first moments are when we are at our weakest and they offer fake help. No one wants to look like a monster so they act like angels and take us from there.Some go crazy and end it, others get adopted.” you said calmly
“Is everyone as calm as you?” Hyungwon’s hair pulled your attention when you slowly reach out to him. He was surprised but didn’t move ,with the piercing gaze his leader was giving him. The corners of your lips moved up a bit as your fingers went though his hair
“You look like the puppy I used to have.” your comment made everyone in the car start laughing
“She said you look like a dog!” Minhyuk grabbed his stomach trying to breath
Wonho’s eyes were focused onto you, the smile catching him off guard. His strong hand pulled you back to him as your arms unintentionally wrapped around his neck.
“Anyways!”Hyungwon cut everyone off still waiting for his answer “You are too calm for someone of...your kind.”
“I am not calm.” you sighed as you felt the car stop “I just made peace with my life. After awhile you realize that trying to change the world around you is a waste of time and energy. You will go mad if you try to do something about a place like that. They didn’t hurt us if we didn’t act up, we got one thing a month if we were good. I just learned to change the world in here.” you tapped your chest “And it was much better from then on.”
“Damn, that made me almost bow down to you. Who knows all the things you have seen in there.” Hyungwon exclaimed
“You can only hear things and just imagine what is going on.”
“Hyung we are here.” I.M opened the door and in front of you was standing tall a mansion. It was just beautiful, trees all around it, bright green grass and bushes upon bushes of roses and other flowers you hadn’t even known existed.
Wonho got off, still holding your hand tight “Welcome to your new home.” With a small jump you soon touched the grounded once more.He was keeping you close, like a father protecting his child. Your eyes looking around, curious. Wonho stopped his motion the moment he noticed his two doberman guard dogs. They were big and pretty vigilant. They listened only to their owner, not even to the closest men he had.
Wonho hurried to pull you behind his back. You crooked your head to the side and noticed the other men staying far from you two.
“Loki, Ares! Stand down!” the dogs were focused onto what seemed to them intruders. Without noticing your swift movement, not even a second later your body was standing in front of the dogs. A cold chill ran down the spine of everyone looking at this scene.
“Y/N!”upon hearing your name you turned back. Out of your sight but in Wonho’s, they stood tall above your head. Loki’s paws landed on your shoulders as his mouth opened wide.
“Oh I can’t look at this.”Jooheon looked away, expecting the worst knowing these creatures
Almost like a motion picture movie, your neck moved slowly back towards the dogs, as you left a big and sloppy lick run across your face. A small smile tried to pop onto your lips and you started patting the dog.
“Are you Loki?” the dogs were getting hyper and happy for no reason after the stare down you had with them behind their owner’s back.
“Wait what?!” I.M almost choked upon seeing all of this. He tried to walk closer thinking they were more friendly now, but in a blink of an eye both Ares and Loki stood in front of you in a defensive position, growling “Wow, ok” the boy stepped back with his hands in front of his face “Got it.”
“This is pretty new.” with arms crossed in front of his chest, Shownu spoke to the boss
“Yeah.”Wonho was confused since his guard dogs never acted like this with people from the family, not to mention someone they never met in their whole lives. With a finally calm step he walked over to you and reach down to tap Ares on the nose, turning him into a playful puppy “They seem to like you a lot.”
“Mhm.”you nodded
“I have had them since they were puppies.”
“They love you very much ,even if you mistake their names sometimes.” you said looking at the man next to you
“Yeah-” his body moved towards you swiftly “Wait how do you know that?”
“Well Ares here is very talkative, right?” upon your question the dog barked out loud
“You understand them?!”Jooheon’s eyes widened “No wait, you understand animals ?”
“Mmmm.” looking up, taking some time to think “Yes, but I am better with dog-like and cat-like creatures since I have been close to them before and we are similar.”
“In what way? Claws and glowing eyes?” the boy continued, asking what everyone wanted to know at this point.
“Let’s close the door and go to the living room. Not here.”Wonho stared at the garden in front of the mansion, looking a bit cautious. Soon you found yourself sitting on the ground, playing with the dogs and everyone else comfortably onto a soft chair.
“So...are you closer to a cat or dog?” Minhyuk began where you left off
“I have enhanced senses and reflexes. I can feel the presence of any living creature in a wide radius. I can tell you how many people are on the territory right now without mistake. Most of my abilities come from animal factors. If there is a creature out there that can do something I can too. But I need to know about it. Being locked up I had seen only guard dogs and the occasional cats that sneak in the building.So I am much more familiar with them.”
“You can talk with them too?” since you were facing away from the group, you didn’t focus too much on who was asking
“Yes. Animal languages are like English for example. Australia, UK, America and so on, differ only on some native vocal changes.”
“So you are saying they speak the same language but different species have dialects?” you nodded “Wow that is amazing.”
“Do these abilities appear out of nowhere when you are in danger or do you use them consciously?”
“Umm, I think both. There are so many creatures in the animal kingdom that it is impossible to know every thing I am capable of. But I can’t fly since I am obviously not equipped for that.” you shook your hands in the air
“Ok, enough questions.” Wonho pushed himself off the chair and looked at the boys. Without even a peep, they got up, bowed and left the house. You were sitting in this gigantic room, alone with the dogs and Wonho. His footsteps came closer, until his body was behind yours. Your head moved up to look at him.
“Are you my new owner?” you asked with pure eyes, shooting an arrow through his heart
“No.” he bent down, running his hand through your hair ,making you lean into it “You have rights like me and any person in the world.”
“Then what are you?”
“Well, think of me as your boss. I give you things to do and you work for me.” with a small nod you said ok “It’s late, so you should be going to bed.”
The man stood up and you followed him up the stairs into a room, that looked like a whole apartment compared to your old one. He said goodnight and left fast.
The first thing you noticed was the bookshelf taking the space of a whole wall. Almost instinctively you grabbed one and sat on the bed, reading and reading as much information you could find. The night had just began, but you weren’t planning to rest.
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Undercover (1/3)
Part: 1 (of 3)
Themes: Mature, CEO AU, Spy, Mafia, Fluff, Angst, Smut, Romance, Mention of suicide, Sexual harassment, Violence, Optional Bias x Female Reader
Word count: 31,636
Description: Your whole life is full of lies, secrets and shady people. Only one thing is sure - when money is involved, nothing else matters. Anything goes. But when you meet your new target - unreachable, cold and damaged man, so painfully similar to you, things start to look a little bit different. What if you don’t want to live undercover anymore?
OMI’s note: Woah, here it is - first part of Undercover. Fixed and obviously in new form. Some parts stayed the same, some are changed in a very slight way, some more. Overall, it looks better in my opinion and I hope you guys will enjoy it. Before I leave you with this long text, I just want to say that writing second part might take a bit of time, so I will probably upload something else in the meantime. So yeah, I hope you will like this “new” Undercover.
Before you entered a building hidden in a dark alley, you looked around to make sure that no one saw you. You pushed heavy metal door and immediately blinked because of a bright light.
“Geez, Sam, change these fucking bulbs. How do you even work here,” you said, protecting your eyes with the hand. You came closer to a huge desk in the corner of a room and sat on it. Sam looked up from papers that he was reading and flashed charming smile at you. His black hair fell on his glasses and you lazily pushed them up. He was handsome, you couldn't deny it, handsome nerd who didn't really know anything other than his work, and who should have probably chill sometimes. However, it was too weird to get involve in any type of relationship other than the one you already had. You liked him as a friend, and ruining it with one-time sex wasn't something you wanted to do.
“I got used to it. Besides, you come here once or twice in a month so you can handle them,” he laughed, nudging your thigh with his elbow. “I got something for you.”
“I'm sure you do, you wouldn't call me if there was no new work.”
“True. Here, this is a full file about your new target and his company,” he said, handing you pretty thick folder.
“Damn, there's a lot.”
“He's quite... famous,” he paused for a moment and looked at papers in your hand. His voice was laced with hesitation and, in some weird way, it made you anxious. “Well, go into boss' office. He wants to tell you all the details about his plan. He should be here in ten minutes.”
“You're throwing me out already? I thought you missed me.”
“Yeah, yeah, I did, but I also have a lot of things to do and, knowing you, you won't shut up.”
“Rude,” you whined, hitting his shoulder. He chased you out with a smile on his lips, so you got up lazily and headed to the other room.
When you entered it, suffocating smell of lilies hit your nose instantly. You shuddered in disgust. Whenever you came here, you always wondered why Kyo liked it so much. You asked him about it a few times, but he never gave you a clear answer. For you, it wasn't even close to being pleasant, it reminded you of funerals, and that was something you hated more than anything.
You fell on a chair and hid your nose in a t-shirt. Uh, Kyo, you better move your ass before I suffocate here.
You looked around bored but there was nothing interesting - white walls, closets full of papers and big mahogany desk at the center. Empty as always. Kyo loved to keep his surrounding clean, at least that was what he told you once. You sighed and decided to open the file that Sam gave you a few minutes ago. You gasped shocked when you saw the name written at the first page.
“Fucking B/N B/L/N,” you half screamed, sitting straight. You flipped through the pages in disbelief. “What the fuck? Are you in your right state of mind, you bastard?”
That must have been a joke. Kyo wanted you to spy on one of the richest businessmen in the whole country, which was more than unbelievable for you. You couldn't even imagine how you were supposed to do this, that guy was probably with bodyguards all the time. You hoped that it was some kind of mistake.
The door suddenly opened and you lifted your gaze. Kyo smiled, which made wrinkles around his eyes deepened, “Long time no see, Y/N.”
“What is this,” you said, raising the file in the air.
“So you already know who is your next target.” Kyo sat on his leather chair and smiled even more.
“My target? I will be their fucking target, if they find out that I'm spying on him!”
“They won't, Y/N. I prepared perfect plan and I can guarantee that you will be safe. Don't worry.” You looked at him suspiciously. You didn't doubt him, he always did great job but... you were a bit uneasy. No matter what, this case seemed harder than everything you did combined. “I kept an eye on him for some time now. I was waiting for a perfect timing to finally make a move and an opportunity came two days ago. He's desperately looking for a personal assistant and you, my dear, have the best qualifications for this job.”
You chuckled amused, “Me?”
“Of course. Why? Didn't you work for the richest man in Japan a year ago?” Kyo looked at you surprised.
“What are you... oh no, you didn't.” You sat there with opened mouth, utterly shocked. In the past he faked your identity a few times, but it was always something minor like name or date of birth, he never did anything more than this. Especially not something involving outsiders. “What if they contact him?”
“He will tell them, and I'm quoting, oh yes, she was excellent in her job, I've never worked with someone this competent; such a shame that she came back to her homeland. Believe me, it wasn't hard to convince him to cooperate.”
“You threatened him?” Your eyes widened in shock.
“You shouldn't worry about it. The point is that he will say what I want him to say.”
You ran hand through your hair in frustration. “Okay fine, but what if it doesn't work out? What if they choose someone else?”
“It will work out. I checked every girl that applied, and they are nowhere near your achievements. In two days you will be B/N's assistant and you will begin to spy on him. I don't know, you can gain his trust somehow, become his friend or some shit, and then he will tell you all his secrets. From what I've heard, he only acts tough, but actually he's easy to manipulate. And you're the champ of manipulation, my dear.”
“It's risky as fuck, Kyo. If he finds out, he will kill me, let's be honest.”
“Don't be so dramatic. How many times did you escape the death already?”
You looked at him with squinted eyes. “Many. Too many for my age. But this situation is different.”
“It just another job, Y/N,” he said, shaking his head in annoyance.
You sighed, knowing that there was no point in arguing with him. If Kyo wanted something, he got it. Whatever the cost. “And what are we looking for exactly?”
“I can't really tell you.”
“What,” you gasped. Kyo never hid anything from you, especially if it was about the case you were working on. That was something new, and you didn't like it.
“All you need to know is that we have information that he's making illegal transactions. And we need to put an end to this. I'm counting on you, Y/N.”
Every time you stopped your car at the traffic lights, your gaze wandered to the folder placed on the passenger seat. It was obviously only your imagination but you could have sworn that it was surrounded by a black smoke. Almost like a bad omen.
You laughed. There was probably no reason to worry so much about it, but so far life taught you to doubt everything and everyone. Especially when they tried to hide something from you. And Kyo was definitely doing this.
When you parked outside your apartment complex, you grabbed the folder and almost ran to your flat. You were curious what information Kyo was able to gather, and how your new life looked like.
It was a long process. Every new case took a lot of time to learn about, and this one wasn't different. However, there was less about B/N himself than you expected. Pages and pages about the company's history, its purpose, and stuff that bored the hell out of you.
Information about B/N were mostly general, and you were almost a hundred percent sure that you could have found them online. Doesn't keep people around – even his own family, doesn't engage in relationships, cold, harsh, determined. The most typical characteristics of a CEO. But there was also a note left by Kyo, the one he mentioned during your meeting: acts tough but is easy to manipulate; even the slightest trace of challenge keeps him interested.
And that was all you needed.
You stepped out of your car in front of a huge glass building. You looked up and gasped amazed. From a far it didn't look so massive, but up close it was enormous, you couldn't even see the highest floor. You took a deep breath, straightened up your gray pencil skirt and moved to the entrance. You tried to recall once again every achievement and information about your life before you reached a reception.
An older woman in white dress looked at you and smiled friendly. “Hello, how can I help you, miss?”
“Yes, hello,” you said slightly nervous, “I'm here for a job interview for a position of Mr. B/L/N's assistant.”
“Oh yes, okay. You need to go on the left here and there is a room number fifteen. You will find it easily, there are quite a few girls there already,” she replied. “But firstly, can I get your name?”
“Y/N Y/L/N”
“Thank you so much. I wish you good luck.”
You bowed lightly and moved in given direction. There was, indeed, rather big group of women. All dressed in formal skirts or dresses, some older than you were expecting but all visibly nervous. You, on the other hand, weren't nervous, you were terrified. Your hands were sweating and trembling uncontrollably.
You looked around, taking a better glance at the women's faces. All of them seemed to be from rather wealthy families, dressed in designer clothes, and with perfectly done make-ups. You chuckled mad. They had no reason to be so anxious, the worst that could have happened to them was leaving this place without a job. And even if this happened, their fathers would have probably patted their heads and gave them a position in their own companies. You on the other hand, could end up in jail, in the best scenario, if something went wrong.
The door opened and a girl with shiny eyes left the room.
“How was it? Any better,” other asked.
“No, it was... terrible,” she said. She was trembling and it was obvious that she would start crying soon. “He asked me so many things, some of them rather weird. And he judged my answers so rudely. Even if they want me to work here, I would never accept their offer.” You would have felt sorry for her, if she didn't sound so bossy about it. She was young, probably younger than you, and looking at her reaction, she probably never was in situation like this. In contrast to her, during your whole life you met so many aggressive, vulgar and insolent people that the guy in the room was most likely nothing compared to them. Your only wish was not to be exposed.
It took longer than you've expected. After another hour there was only few women left, others marched out of the building with heads raised high, discouraged by the job interview. You were sitting there amazed because Kyo's plan started to look reasonable now. Somehow he must have known what type of women would be here and how demanding the interview would be.
If only they wouldn't find out that you're a scammer, you have won.
The last girl left the office and tall man appeared behind her. He was dressed in tailored suit, and his black hair was slicked back. He was handsome but also looked cold and strict. He seemed like someone who had no barriers, and would ask you about every intimate detail of your life. And that was probably right, judging from conversations you heard in the past two hours.
“Y/N Y/L/N,” he said in a low voice, looking around.
You got up. “It's me.”
“Come in, please.” He moved inside the room and stand beside the table, extending his arm. “I'm Jiho Park, vice-ceo and person responsible for B/N's personal crew. Please sit.” You sat across him and tried to look professional. “Miss Y/L/N, I checked your qualifications and I must say, they are pretty impressive. I didn't think that someone with such experience will come here today,” he continued impressed. “To be honest, it's actually beyond my expectations.”
All your dark thoughts left you immediately after his words, they didn't suspect anything and it looked like they wanted you to work for them. You noted in your mind to congratulate Kyo for creating your new life.
“I have only a few questions for you. Some of them might be rather personal but I hope you understand.” He waited for your approval, and when you nodded, he asked, “Can you tell me if you're involved in any relationship?”
“No, I'm not and answering your next question, I'm not planning to be in the near future. I want to focus on my career now.”
“Good,” he said and wrote something on a piece of paper he held in his hand. “So I assume that you don't have children, right?”
“That's correct. In fact, I don't want to have them at all.”
“I see. And was there anything you found hard to do while working for Mr. Aki?”
“Besides my fear of not understanding Japanese,” you joked, remembering Kyo's words. “Not really. I learn rather quickly and I know how to adjust to my boss' lifestyle and schedule.”
“And can you tell me why you left that work?” You looked at Jiho with wide eyes. Oh. My. God. Kyo, you dumbass. You forgot the most important thing. Your heart sped. It wasn't happening. How did he come up with useless stories from your life but forgot something so important? You tried to regain your composure and stop your trembling fingers.
“I...,” you stuttered. You had no other choice as to expose the piece of your true life. It wasn't something you liked to talk about, fuck, it was the one thing you wished you would never have to talk about again, but there was no time to come up with something good in this situation. “My mother tried to commit suicide and someone needed to be close to her. I couldn't count for my alcoholic father so there was no other choice for me. I was supposed to come back to Japan but unfortunately, she did it again. Successfully this time. It was really hard for me.” You felt tears in corners of your eyes. You tried to wipe them away secretly but failed. Jiho handed you a tissue which you gladly accepted. “I'm sorry, it's still hurts.”
“No, it's okay. I should be sorry for bringing painful memories,” he said with blank expression. “I think we can finish now. I don't really want to torture you here, miss. Please wait outside, I will inform you about the results in half an hour.”
You left the room with a bow and quickly got out of the building, ignoring looks and questions from women waiting outside. You searched your bag with trembling hands and pulled out pack of cigarettes. You lit up one and inhaled deeply. I will fucking kill you, Kyo. That was the only thing about your life that you hated talking about. Your mother's topic was too painful to bring up. After so many years, it hurt the same. The fact that she decided to end her miserable life with alcoholic and abusive husband and left you - twelve years old child with him made you more than mad. She ran away from pain, constant fighting and poverty and left it all to you to deal with. You were just a child - lonely, hurt, unloved. It was unbelievably hard to survive. You hated your father from the moment you understood what an evil man he was. And then your mother killed herself and even though you understood her, you hated her for what she did, too. You had no one, you were alone on this planet.
You threw the rest of the cigarette in the bin and sprayed perfume all over yourself. You entered the building and stopped in the lobby where you could still see the door you left some time ago. You didn't want to listen to all the questions from the rest of the girls. It was the first and the last time you ever saw them, they didn't matter to you and you didn't want to explain yourself to them. You looked up and spotted Jiho with another man. He was standing with his back to you but you could clearly see that he was more muscular and a bit taller than Jiho. You nodded your head slightly when your eyes met with Jiho's.
And then the other man turned around and you froze. It was him. B/N. He looked at you with piercing eyes, making you shuddered. You were amazed, he looked better than on the photos, almost like a sculpture made by God himself. His facial features seemed so sharp that it was unbelievable, slightly longer hair was a little messy and suit hugged his body perfectly, highlighting its athletic form. He was attractive. Even more - he was damn sexy. You looked into each others eyes for a few seconds, then he said something to Jiho and disappeared in an elevator behind him.
You released a breath that you held and glanced at Jiho again. He smiled softly at you and moved to the stairs. You followed his every move with your eyes and when he stood in front of you, you clenched your teeth in anticipation.
“Congratulation, Miss Y/N. You got this job.”
You were bored. Well, bored was a bit of an understatement. Since you got accepted into the company a week ago you spent all your time with Anna - B/N's secretary, who introduced you to company's structure, your duties and all those not-so-interesting aspects of being a personal assistant. As for you, simple you need to do whatever B/N's wants you to do would be enough, you were not particularly interested in company's history, which you already knew thanks to Kyo, and what B/N liked or didn't like.
B/N. Since that day when you entered his company for the first time, you didn't see him again. It bothered you more than you wished it would. You were wasting your time here, literally risking your life, and he didn't show up even once.
And Kyo wasn't helping at all. He made it even worse. After you pointed out his small mistake, as he called it, he nagged you every single day. He was weirdly demanding, as never before, and when you asked him about the reason behind it, he yelled at you, telling you that you should have focus on your work. With each passing day it felt more and more suspicious but you couldn't figure out why exactly.
"B/N starts his day at 10am and you're obliged to greet him and present him his schedule as soon as you see him. I'm preparing this so you don't need to worry about it. Clear," Anna asked once again, interrupting your thoughts.
You rolled your eyes. "You're telling me this for the fifth time today. Anna, I'm not stupid, I know how it works - I do whatever he wants."
She sighed. "I know, Y/N. I'm just stressed, that's all."
"Why? I should be the stressed one."
"And I don't know why you're not," she snapped, hanging her head low. "Sorry. You know, he's very demanding and you're not the first one to get this position. There were a lot of girls before you and they didn't last longer than a week. And I'm the one who's doing this job after they ran off crying! I can't keep up with everything."
Oh no. Don't open up to me. We will never be friends. I gonna vanish as soon as I get what I want.
"Do I look like those girls to you? I can handle a lot, believe me."
Anna looked at you with hope in her eyes. She smiled softly and stood up suddenly, clapping her hands. "I hope I can trust you, Y/N. For now, we're done with boring stuff. Today's gonna be your first day with B/N. Here," she said, handing you a piece of paper. "This is his schedule for today, read it - especially those additional notes I've left for you, I will be doing this for some time to help you. He will be here in fifteen minutes so go down and wait for him at the reception."
You blinked a few times confused. Just a minute before she was almost crying and now she was sending you off. She seemed convinced that you're not going to betray her and in some way it hurt you. She was nice, maybe even too nice. She was actually the first person in a long time that was kind to you. It felt unfamiliar but pleasantly at the same time. It was hard to admit but deep down you knew that hurting her, would hurt you a bit too.
You took B/N's schedule from her and got into the elevator. Ride down was long, and you took that time to read the plan over and over again. Ten minutes later you had B/N's schedule memorized perfectly. Two hours of preparing, few hours of meeting and lastly dinner with guy called Lee. For a second you were disappointed, nothing in Anna's notes seemed like it could be something suspicious but then you thought of an opportunity to finally look into his office, and smile danced on your lips. For the past week, Anna was constantly around you, and even though B/N wasn't in his office, you had no chance to sneak there.
"So you're here," someone said in a deep, husky voice. You looked up and saw B/N in another perfectly tailored suit. His hair was pushed back, head tilted to the side and arms folded. He was looking at you, trying to appear disinterested but you noticed a gleam of interest in his eyes. It was the first time you saw him from this close and you had to admit – he was indeed hella attractive.
You raised one eyebrow. "I was supposed to be here? I don't know what's so weird about it."
"Well, I thought you will quit after like three days? Too many duties or something." He leaned in your direction so close that you felt his hot breath on your face. He smirked when you didn't flinch, and then reached his arm behind you, pressing the button to call the elevator. He looked you straight in to the eyes as if challenging you.
"Maybe you should stop thinking," you said with a fake smile, moving even closer to him. His smirk disappeared from his face, and he slightly squinted his eyes. He tried so hard to hide his shock but it was useless. He was about to say something when the elevator opened and a group of people got out of it. He stepped aside and greeted them back rather harshly. You walked inside quickly and looked at him. "Are you coming?"
He didn't answer and followed you, closing the door right in front of someone's face.
"You have a meeting at noon and then a dinner with Mr. Lee at 4pm. So, we have something around two hours to prepare for it. Anna left all the documents on your desk. She said you need to read it and decide if you agree with all the statements included there." You looked at B/N and caught him staring at you. "What? Is something unclear?"
"Your attitude," he said, now visibly stunned.
"Well, I'm probably not your typical assistant. Let's say that I'm kind of special."
He was confused. From the moment he saw your face, he was almost a hundred percent sure that you were only a pretty face. Your experience? Probably gained through bed, nothing more. But now you were explaining to him pros and cons of the transaction he was about to sign and you unexpectedly looked like you knew what you were talking about. And that situation in front of the elevator? None of the girls before you were this cheeky and confident. He was amazed and kinda mad. It made him feel smaller. No one ever mocked him like that, no one was brave enough to do it.
And then, there were you. Apparently not just a pretty face.
You put the papers down and stood up to move around a little bit. You were pissed. Almost two hours and nothing out of normal. Simple, legal contract with similar company. You were hoping to get a chance to look into other stuff inside B/N's office while he studied this deal, but apparently he was an idiot. Or maybe he wanted to test you. You didn't know, and didn't really care.
You sighed loudly and looked at the clock. "You should get up and go to the conference room, meeting's gonna start in ten minutes. I noted everything we talked about if you forget something." B/N glanced at you and nodded. You noticed that his tie was a little bit crooked so you moved in his direction and bent down to fix it. He looked at you confused. "Try to look professional," you mumbled, too focused on your task to register another man walking into the room.
You heard someone's clearing their throat. You looked up and saw Jiho with raised eyebrows.
"Am I disturbing you?"
"In what," you asked without thinking.
"I'm not sure, Y/N," he said, looking at you and then at B/N. You turned your head and met B/N's wide eyes just a few centimeters from yours.
"Oh this. I'm trying to fix his tie. Wait..." You let go of the silky material and folded your arms. "What were you thinking?"
"Nothing in particular."
"Jesus Christ, you both should stop thinking." Jiho tilted his head intrigued. "Don't worry about it. As regards the meeting, we looked at every damn point in these documents. I wrote notes beside the points that are questionable and should be discussed. Also, remember that you both have meeting with Mr. Lee at 4pm at restaurant called Rose-something. Doesn't really matter, your driver knows the address. Good luck, I will be with Anna, I guess," you said with a smile and left the room.
"What the fuck," Jiho asked confused.
"I have no idea." B/N was looking at the closed door amazed. He still felt hot where your fingers accidentally touched his skin. He tried to brush it off, but he couldn't deceive his own body. It was just a simple touch, and yet he felt it in his abdomen. "She's pissing me off, man. I thought she's another stupid girl but no. She's too confident, and she's challenging me. Me, for fuck's sake! Can you believe it?"
Jiho laughed. "Sounds familiar to me.”
“Don't fuck with me.”
“I wouldn't dare. But you need to watch out for her, you know that right?”
“Yeah, I do. She's gonna be a pain in the ass. She already irritates me, and I was with her for two hours.”
“I feel like it can be quite funny,” Jiho smirked, dodging a pen that B/N threw at him.
"Shut up. Mark my words Jiho, I'm gonna break her. I'm gonna make her life look like a fucking nightmare."
After B/N left his office with Jiho next to him, smile formed on your lips. And when Anna said she was going for lunch, you were practically jumping from happiness. Finally, you had a chance to sneak into B/N's office. You've waited for this whole week, week full of Kyo's nagging and screams.
Knowing that there were no cameras on this floor, you marched into your desired destination, whistling under your nose. You sat on B/N's chair, sighing deeply.
“What can you possible hide here, loser,” you mumbled, opening one of the drawers. You quickly searched through its content, checking if there was no secret compartment. You did the same with the rest of them, and to your disappointment, you found nothing. Every damn paper was useless, and definitely didn't contain anything illegal.
That was not what you were looking for.
Irritated, you left his office and wrote quick message to Kyo, informing him that you found nothing in B/N's stuff, and asking him if there was a different place to search.
The answer you received was not something you've expected.
His mind.
You lived through hell. Your life was a constant fight, either with memories or people around you. Until now, you thought that there was nothing more that could make you so stressed and tensed. And yet, there you were. Third week in your search and no result. Not even the smallest suspicious thing about B/N. You were done already, done with playing good little assistant, done with listening to Kyo's accusations and weird ideas, done with this whole fucked up situation.
That was why you made plans for the night. For the first time in a long time. You needed some relief, and you needed it fast.
This day seemed to be especially long, longer than usual. You were looking at papers that Anna gave you but you didn't absorb any of the information. You tried to focus, you did, but your mind was somewhere else. You were thinking of your date. You were so excited to leave the office and finally got laid that nothing else mattered. Mere fact that you found someone this fast - someone incredibly hot, by the way - was exciting. Those days you were like a slave: trapped in the company for long hours, following B/N like a shadow, and being at his beck and call. That was nothing like how you've imagined this job - you thought that after almost a month of working for him, you would have enough material to ruin him. Not really. It was almost like there was nothing to find on him. But then why would you be there, spying on him?
You glanced at your phone for the thousandth time to check the hour.
“You're really impatient today,” Anna blurted finally.
“Hm? Oh yeah, that's because I have plans.”
Anna leaned her head on interlocked fingers. “What kind of plans made you this worked up?”
“I might get finally laid tonight,” you answered with a smile.
“Well, that explain a lot,” she laughed. “Is he nice?”
“Nice is a bit of understatement.”
You were about to describe how hot the guy was when B/N stood in front of both of you. You didn't even notice when he left the elevator but as soon as you glanced at him, the grip on the pen you were holding tightened.
“I want you to do reports of my two last meetings, Y/N.”
“Okay, I will do them tomorrow,” you mumbled, not looking at him.
“No,” he hissed. “I want them on my desk tomorrow morning.”
You raised your gaze. “That's not... possible. I can't do this today. I have...”
“Do I look like I care? If I don't have them in the morning, you're fired,” he announced and left you in disbelief.
You hit your head on the desk with a groan.
“This fucker.”
The company was almost dead when you returned from the shop. You were horny, that was a fact but you wouldn't dare to risk your mission just because of this. You smiled sadly to the security guard and headed to your desk. When you plopped down on the chair, you took your phone out and wrote quick apology to the guy you were supposed to meet.
At the back of your head there was a thought that B/N did it on purpose. When you thought about that whole situation you could have sworn that he must have heard you, and decided to ruin your plans. He was that kind of man - he would probably do everything to ruin your mood. And maybe even your life. But was he so different from you? You were doing exactly the same.
You started reading the overview of one of the meetings when your phone rang. Without looking at the screen, you answered it. “Yes?”
“Y/N, nice to finally fucking hear you.”
“What do you want, Kyo,” you asked annoyed.
“And what I might want? Information, for fuck's sake. You didn't report me anything since last week.”
“Because there's nothing to report. Nothing's happening here. Or at least - nothing shady. It's so boring that I might throw up from boredom soon. Right now, I'm stuck with some fucking reports because B/N is a pain in the ass. You know where I was supposed to be? In a bed. With a dick inside me! Not in the office!” You were close to screaming. It was all Kyo's fault. All.
Bitterness welled up in you in a past few days and you couldn't deal with it anymore. You felt similar only once - when your mother killed herself and left you alone. You were lost, confused and lonely. You wandered around the town for days, hungry and cold, without any hope. And then Kyo found you. You ran away from him but eventually came back, he was the only one who offered you help. Oh, if only you knew back then how much his help cost. Sometimes you wished that you never met him. There wouldn't be any problems if you were dead.
But your relationship with him was never this bad. Since the day one he acted in a weird way, yelling at you every time he called you. He wasn't like this before. There was certainly something about this case that made him so mad, and you were ready to find out what was it.
“Oh, so you're doing reports. About what?” He ignored your outburst completely as if he didn't really care about your feelings. Maybe he didn't.
“About nothing. Stupid meetings he had yesterday.”
“And you didn't tell me about them. I send you a message and you ignored it.”
“That's because you're writing to me every day,” you shouted. “If I had anything interesting to tell you, I would call you. But I have nothing. Zero. I'm starting to think that this is some kind of sick game. This guy seems clean, Kyo. I can't find anything.”
“Maybe you fucked up,” he said.
Your grip on the phone tightened. “What the hell does it mean?”
“Exactly what you think. Maybe he knows that you're spying on him, maybe you're not this good.”
“Don't make me laugh, if that's the case, you're the one who should be blamed for this. After all, you were the one who created my life. If there's anything suspicious, that's on you,” you muttered through the clenched teeth. “You're pissing me off right now, so get lost.”
You were mad, bewildered and most importantly, disappointed. It wasn't like you could call Kyo your family, but he was close to you. You were ready to risk your miserable life for him, which you were basically doing, and it seemed that he didn't really care about you. He was nothing more than a burden to you right now. He turned into a completely different person, and that fact scared you.
When B/N entered the company, he was almost entirely sure that you didn't listen to him yesterday. He was ready to fire you. And he would do that with pleasure. He tried so many things, so many dirty tricks to discourage you, and no matter what, you stayed with him. Sometimes he thought that you might have been a masochist, you were okay with pretty much everything.
He got out of the elevator, and to his surprise, he saw you sleeping with your head on the desk.
“What is happening here,” he asked Anna as soon as he approached both of you.
“I found her like that. The security guard told me she spent whole night working.”
B/N looked at you stunned. Your hair was tangled, clothes wrinkled, and you still held pen in your hand. He wasn't prepared for that, he could have expected everything from you but not this. You were always dissatisfied with everything, you hated him, and he could have sworn that you wanted to quit this job. And yet, you obeyed him again, even if that meant interference in your personal life.
“Sent her to me when she wakes up,” he said, still looking at you.
He sat on his chair and closed his eyes. Feeling of annoyance washed over him. You irritated him, that was the truth, but he couldn't deny the fact that you turned him on. You were pretty, always dressed in tight pencil skirts, with cheeky smile on beautiful lips that he wanted to wipe off roughly. Even your attitude toward him was alluring. No other woman in his life made such snappy comments about him, no women resisted his person for so long. You were a true mystery for him, and with each passing day, he wanted to learn more and more about you.
If he thought about it, he was quite similar to you. You were both tied up by work, without a lot of free time to meet your needs. Idea of hooking up with you crossed his mind, but he dismissed it as fast as it appeared. He wasn't that crazy yet. He never slept with his subordinates, he never even thought about it, yet you made him this desperate. And he hated it.
Quiet knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.
“Yes?”
“It's me,” you yawned, rubbing your eyes with a hand and smudging your mascara in the process. Somehow, it looked adorable for him. “I have those damn reports you wanted.” You put stack of papers on his desk and yawned once again.
“You were here all night?”
“And how does it look to you? Yep, I was. And I'm sore as hell, those chairs are really uncomfortable.”
“Go home,” he said without thinking. He blinked a few times, shocked at his own words.
You raised your gaze completely dumbfounded. “Are you trying to say that I'm fired? What the heck? I did what you asked, what are you...”
“That's not what I meant,” he stood up rapidly, suddenly scared that you could leave. “I just want you to go home and get some rest. That's all.” His voice became almost inaudible at the end of the sentence. He couldn't believe that he said that, normally he wasn't like this.
You were staring at him in silence, and he didn't know what to do. It was something new for him, he didn't act nicely on daily basis. Honestly, he didn't act nicely at all. Especially towards you.
“You want me to rest today?”
“Yeah, and you better get out of here before I change my mind.”
You leaned in his direction with curiosity in your eyes. “You sure you're not the one that should get some time off?”
“Y/N. Get. Out.”
“Okay, okay. Thanks... I guess.”
He watched you as you were leaving his office, and when the door closed behind you, he dropped down on his chair again.
He was crazy.
You made him crazy.
You weren't sure what happened but you gladly accepted B/N's offer. Not because you were tired - you handled far worse things - but because you needed some time to understand the situation you were in. Maybe if your mind wasn't filled with the memory of conversation with Kyo, you would have thought more about B/N's behavior. But that wasn't important for you now, you didn't care about him that much. He was just a pawn in Kyo's game.
You took your phone out and dialed first number on your contact list.
Almost immediately you heard man's voice. “What's up, sweety?”
“I'm on my way to you, Markus. You need to help me.”
“Sure, I'm waiting.”
When you entered a code to Markus' house, and stepped inside, scent of food filled your nose right away. You moved your body in the direction of his office where you found Markus, sitting in his usual spot - in front of two big computer screens.
“Hey bro,” you began, grabbing a slice of pizza from the table.
“Hey. Wait a moment, okay?”
“Mhm,” you mumbled with mouth full of dough. You dragged a stool from the corner and sat beside the man. He was furiously typing something on the keyboard, looking with squinted eyes at the green text on the screen. You've known him almost your whole life, watched so many times how he worked, yet you still didn't understand a thing. He tried to explain to you, step by step, how he hacks into people's files but it still didn't make any sense to you.
But it didn't really matter. You had your own ways to find information.
“Gotcha,” he laughed and turned to you. “So, what's going on?”
“Well,” you swallowed the last bit of pizza and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, “I need you to hack into Kyo's computer.”
In a flash he became serious. “What?”
You sighed deeply. “You know that I'm spying on B/N but the thing is, there's nothing on this guy. I can't find any proof that he's involved in any kind of illegal stuff. I even feel a bit bad about doing this, and that's something. In addition, Kyo's mad at me for everything. He wants me to report every damn thing about B/N. And I don't see any sense in this! Something's off, bro. I feel it and I want to know what is going on.”
“That's gonna be risky.”
“I know but... I can't... yeah, I feel like I can't trust Kyo anymore.”
You were late, and that made B/N furious. He was spinning in his chair, waiting for you to finally arrive. He gave you a day off, that was true, but it was only one day. He couldn't believe you had the nerve to test his patience like that. Maybe he was nice yesterday but that was a one-time situation. At least that was what he hoped for. He still didn't understand why he has acted like that. He didn't have soft heart, it wasn't the case. It was only a fleeting kindness. That's how he explained it to himself.
The door suddenly opened without a knock.
“Sorry for being late,” you squeaked when you entered his office. You tried to fix your skirt stealthily, but B/N didn't miss that small move.
“Why weren't you on time?”
“I was kinda busy last night,” you answered straight away.
His hand closed into a fist. “You were busy. With what?”
“That's not really your business.”
“Ha,” he scoffed. “Get on with the job already or I will kick you out.”
You blinked a few times, turned around without a word, and bumped into Jiho who was standing behind you. “Sorry,” you murmured and left the room, leaving the two men alone.
“You argued again.” It sounded more like a statement, not a question. Jiho sat on the chair across and took his jacket off. “What happened this time?”
B/N took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I've never met someone this insolent.”
Jiho laughed loudly. “Really? Because I did.”
“Don't push your luck, man. I'm not in the mood. I gave her day off to rest, right? But she came late today because she was “busy” last night. Busy, my ass. She was probably fucking some random dude.”
“You know, this counts as being busy.” B/N shoot him a glare full of rage, his jaw was clenched and hands clutched tightly on the armrests. “Why are you even this mad? It's not like she's yours or anything. She's just your assistant, not your wife, she can do whatever she wants.”
B/N frowned. Jiho was right - you were nothing more than his subordinate, yet the thought of you with another man made his blood boil. He wasn't sure why, it wasn't like he felt anything to you. Besides sexual attraction - he couldn't deny this. Was it because he was possessive? Maybe. Or maybe he just didn't understand his own feelings.
Another sigh left his mouth. “I need to give her a lesson.”
“Geez, B/N, what lesson? Let the girl fuck whoever she wants. It's none of your business. And by the way, maybe you should focus more on today's banquet.” Sly smile appeared on B/N's lips when a wild idea crossed his mind. “What now?”
“That's not a bad advice,” he said, grinning. Jiho looked at him puzzled. “Maybe she should go with me.”
“And why is that?”
“Oh you know, Sheng will be there. If she's so thirsty for a dick, she will love his company.” He wasn't paying attention to Jiho anymore, he was too focused on searching for the most expensive dress shops in the area. He knew where to find clothes for himself, but he had never bought anything for a woman. There was simply no occasion for this and the fact that he needed to do this in that time was ridiculous for him.
Jiho groaned disgusted. “He's a fucking creep man, you really hate her this much?”
“I don't hate her, she annoys the fuck out of me. There's a difference.”
“Don't you think it's a little too much? She's hot, he will be all over her all the time.”
B/N looked up from his phone. Was it too much? He wanted to annoy you, nothing more. In his twisted mind, he was convinced you deserved a lesson.
“Come on, Sheng is not that stupid, he will just spit some gross jokes and that's all.”
“I wouldn't be so sure about this. No matter what, keep an eye on her. Just in case.”
B/N scoffed. “Now you're talking?”
“I may not trust her but I don't wish her anything bad.”
“You're coming with me today,” B/N announced when he entered his office after the meeting.
You turned around and asked confused, “What?”
“I said...”
“I know what you said but I don't understand why you want me to accompany you at that banquet.”
“Well, maybe because you're my assistant?” He sat on his chair and looked at you from head to toe. “We need better clothes for you.”
“Excuse me, but what's wrong with the one I have now?”
He didn't answer you but instead he pushed button on his phone and after one signal he directed Anna to prepare car for him. He stood up and headed to the door.
“Follow me.”
The ride was unpleasantly silent. You sat beside him, nibbling on your nail. Changes in his attitude confused the hell out of you. He was mad, you were sure about this, but the reason why was a mystery for you. It was like a world was laughing at you - you had your own problems, there was no need for another one. And yet it arrived. Your life wasn't easy even once but the events of past weeks tested your patience like nothing ever.
The car stopped in front of a huge building and B/N got out of it, without looking at you. You followed him, and shyly entered the luxurious shop.
There weren't a lot of things that made you uncomfortable, but this was definitely one of them. Quick look at the nearest price tag made you flinch instantly. You've never experienced wealthy life, it was unattainable for you from your first day at this world. And to tell the truth, you despised rich people. You have quite a few encounters with them in the past and all of them were sleazy, full of themselves and thought that if they had money, they had everything. You couldn't really find any bigger joy in money, and you didn't understand how some could.
“Do we really have to be here,” you mumbled finally, rubbing your shoulders.
B/N turned around and looked at you. Confusion in his eyes was too noticeable. You felt bad that you showed him this side of you but you couldn't fight embarrassment that washed over you. You felt out of place, almost like an alien. You lowered your gaze.
“What's wrong with you now,” he asked, coming closer to you.
“I... I just don't like places like this,” you stammered.
He was silent for a few seconds but then your annoying boss came back. “Do I look like I care?”
B/N's head was spinning with excess thoughts. He was looking at all the dresses around him, but he didn't really see them. From time to time, he glanced at you, standing awkwardly in the corner, and he couldn't believe it was you. This cheeky, confident girl was gone just because of some expensive clothes. It was unbelievable for him. Was there a reason behind your embarrassment? Did something happen to you before? Much to his annoyance, those questions didn't want to leave his head. He wanted so badly to know why your attitude changed so drastically.
However, the fact that he thought about canceling his plan was even more unthinkable. When he looked at you, so vulnerable, he almost felt sick of his twisted mind. He didn't know why but at that moment he felt the urge to hug you. He had to stop himself from doing something stupid, so instead he focused his mind on why he brought you here.
Suddenly something caught his gaze. There it was - a perfect dress. He moved closer to the rack and touched red silky material. The dress was backless, with a really thin straps and quite a huge low-cut. Just the thought of you in it made him hot. His hand twitched when he reached for it.
“Try this one,” he said, handing you the beautiful piece. You took it from him with a grimace of dissatisfaction and disappeared in a fitting room. He sat on a sofa across the mirror and fixed the collar of his shirt.
When you stood in front of him again, his breath got stuck in his throat. It was a lot more than he imagined. Thin fabric hugged you perfectly, highlighting all your curves insanely. Your breasts were exposed a little too much, but he was too mesmerized to complain. You looked... gorgeous. And even this description wasn't enough. Red was definitely your color, and he wished there was a possibility to see you in this more often.
“Turn around.” His voice was hoarse, but he didn't care if you noticed. You obeyed him without a word and that only aroused him even more. The cut on your back was so low that he was able to see the hem of your lacy undies. Sweat started to form on his forehead, he felt extremely hot and it bothered him. It never happened to him, he never felt so horny just by looking at a woman in a revealing dress. He put hand on his thigh, discreetly trying to adjust his hardening dick. “We will take this one,” he said, when the worker approached you.
“Isn't it too much,” you asked, averting his gaze.
“No.” It was his only answer. There wasn't other option for him, he wanted you to wear that dress regularly. And preferably, only for him. He didn't know how to persuade you to do this, but he was desperate to make it happen.
Sitting beside you, dressed in that sexy piece, in the car was the hardest thing he ever endured in his whole life. He wanted to touch you, feel your hot skin under his fingertips, made you moan for him. He kept his eyes on you, observing your every little move - how your chest raised and fell with each breath, how your legs moved in an attempt to sit more comfortable, how you brushed your hair out of your sight. He couldn't stop himself. His mind was flooding him with different imagines of how would you look and sound when he dicked you down.
You turned your head slightly and glanced at him annoyed. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“So why are you staring at me all the fucking time? Are you regretting taking me with you?”
“Why would I?”
You lowered your gaze and raised an eyebrow a little. “I not sure but I guess it will be quite uncomfortable for you to wander around people with an erection, don't you think?” He took a quick peek at his dick and cursed. So it was visible. He felt the tightness in this area, but he didn't think that it was so prominent. He tried to fix his pants but without success. “Maybe I should help you,” you offered, moving closer to him. He tensed instantly, watching how you put your hand on his thigh dangerously close his boner. “Should I?”
He studied your face for a moment. He wasn't sure if you were serious or not, your expression was emotionless. Did he want it? Oh, he did, but he didn't want to give in to your seduction. He wanted to show you that he was stronger than he appeared at that moment, even though it wasn't true.
He was about to decline your offer when your fingers brushed his clothed dick. He hissed unintentionally.
You burst into laughter. “You wish.”
He grabbed your wrist and pulled you so close that he felt your breath on his face. “You're gonna regret this. Don't fucking play with me, kitten.” Your eyes winded in shock but you didn't move. You stayed like this for a few seconds before he pushed you and got out of the car. He furiously tugged at his pants and covered his crotch area with jacket. “Come,” he snapped through clenched teeth when you joined him. He put his hand on your lower back and guided you inside the luxury restaurant.
He was done playing your little game, it was time for his plan. He couldn't take your presence any longer. You challenged him once again, but this time it was too much for him. He was boiling with anger when he scanned the crowd, looking for Sheng. When he noticed him, he nodded and moved in his direction.
As soon as the man spotted you, his eyes filled with lust. “Hello B/N. And hello to you, gorgeous. Who is it?”
“This is Y/N, my assistant,” he answered with a fake smile.
“Nice choice, man. I bet she's quite useful.” B/N wanted to throw up. He hated this guy to the core. He loathed every aspect of Sheng's being, he was disgusted by his every word. But there was one thing he hated even more at this moment, and it was your attitude.
“Can you keep her company for a second? I need to talk to someone real quick.” B/N didn't wait for any response. He moved his body as far away from you as possible. Fend for yourself, you little bitch.
He lost sight of you long ago but it didn't bother him that much. Somewhere at the back of his head he was hearing Jiho's voice over and over again, but he tried to ignore it. He took a small sip of his champagne, pleased with the company of a girl, whose name he already forgot. She wasn't as pretty as you, but at least she was simpler. A few sweet words, and he had her wrapped around his finger. It was so easy - she was obedient, horny and willing to fuck. That was all he really needed. And that was exactly how it should have been.
She touched his arm and whispered something, but he didn't hear her. His attention switched from her to the conversation of two men behind him.
“This guy's disgusting. You saw how much he drooled over that poor girl? I hope she escaped from him.”
“I don't think she did, I saw him following her with that creepy smile.”
B/N instantly pushed the girl and shoved through the crowd. He was sure they were talking about you and he felt rage spreading all over his body. He was furious - not only at Sheng but also at himself. Why was he so stubborn? He knowingly left you in creep's hands just because you made him mad. He was so stupid... After all, it wasn't only your fault.
If anything happened to you, he would have blamed himself for this for the rest of his life.
When he was close to the restroom area he heard your voice - mix of annoyance and a bit of fear.
“I told you to leave me alone, for fuck's sake.”
B/N's moves became faster, he was ready to rip Sheng's head off.
“Oh come on, sweetheart. Let's play a little bit.”
His hand closed into a fist.
“Get your fucking dirty hands off of me!”
His fist met the side of Sheng's head with so much power that he himself hissed from pain. Sheng flew on the floor with a groan.
B/N glanced at you with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah... I... I'm fine,” you assured, stunned.
B/N looked at the motionless body on the ground. “Geez, this piece of shit pisses me off. Come, I'm gonna drop you home.”
You followed B/N to his car absolutely confused. Firstly, he left you with some fucked up idiot, and then he appeared out of nowhere and knocked the guy down. Changes of his character were so drastic that you started to question his sanity. Was he normally like that? You tried to remember how he acted when you met him for the first time. He was distant, extremely cold and harsh. But something definitely changed. He became... more protective, in a twisted way.
But the thing that shocked you the most was the fact that he didn't try to hide that you turned him on anymore. You noticed a few times that he had a hard-on when you were around but today he didn't even try to brush it off, like he always did. Maybe he was even willing to take your offer seriously. He always seemed like he had full control of himself, yet he lost his composure a few times because of you.
Maybe Kyo was right, maybe B/N wasn't as tough as he wished to be seen as.
“We arrived already, you know,” he laughed suddenly. You turned your head rapidly. It was the first time you heard his laugh and you must have admitted - it was a beautiful sound. You wished he would do that more often.
You studied his face for a second, when you noticed a bit of blood on his cheek. You looked down. “You've injured yourself,” you said, grabbing his hand. He took a sharp breath when you touched his knuckles. “Come upstairs, I will clean this.”
“There's no need.” He tried to free himself but you pushed your fingers onto his wound. He hissed from pain.
“Upstairs, I said.”
He was sitting on the edge of your bathtub with rolled sleeves, while you were looking for something to disinfect his hand with. It was like he was in some kind of trance, admiring your every move with squinted eyes. He felt things he never felt and couldn't even name.
“Ha, found you, you fucker,” you squeaked, grabbing a little bottle from the drawer. He laughed. You looked like a small child after they unwrapped a present. So innocent. You looked at him amazed. “I... it will hurt a bit.”
He nodded, his eyes still on you. You came closer and knelt down, taking his hand in yours. He stopped breathing, not because of the pain, but because of your position. His mind got flooded with inappropriate images, and his mouth became dry suddenly.
Your gaze was focused on his fingers, skin hotter than he had imagined. He felt completely defeated. “Done. I can't put a band aid on it so...” you started but stopped in the middle of the sentence when your eyes met his. He noticed how your cheeks reddened, and how you bit on your lower lip. He wanted nothing more than to lower his head and kiss you. He wanted to be the one to abuse your lips. He moved slightly, but you stood up before he even had a chance to feel your breath on his face. “You should go now, B/N.”
Your mind was one big mess. Memory of yesterday's situation inside your bathroom was as fresh as if it happened minutes ago. You remembered very clearly the look in his eyes, and you were sure yours was the same, you remembered the heat of his skin on yours, his breath fanning your face. You couldn't deny it anymore, you desired him. And it was more than clear that he wanted you, too. And that was a huge problem.
However, the biggest problem was that you invited B/N into your house in the first place. His injury wasn't even close to things you saw before, shit, it was almost non-existent, and yet you couldn't leave him like that. Maybe you had a soft heart after all.
Now you were sitting on the bed with your phone in the hand, hesitant about what you were planning to do.
You started this job to ruin him, to turn his luxurious life into a horror, and probably close him behind the bars, not to actually fell for his charms. You were supposed to be his nightmare. Nothing more. But he made you feel things you didn't feel for a long time. For the first time in years, or maybe even in your whole life, you started to desire not only man's body but also his attention and... heart.
The worst thing was that you didn't understand why you wanted him so badly. He did quite a few things that would probably scare any sane person away. But he had something in him that pulled you so hard that you were ready to let those words and actions slide away. He was almost impossible to resist. He was constantly in your head, your mind provided you scenarios that were rather scary. You couldn't allow yourself to fall in love with him, that was not an option, and you needed to remember that.
With that in mind, you dialed Anna's number. That was the best thing to do for now. “Hey Anna, um- I... I need a day off. Can you pass it to B/N,” you said when she answered finally. You felt bad giving her that task. She would definitely get yelled at, but you couldn't do it yourself. The sound of B/N's voice would change your mind, you were painfully aware of that.
“Something happened? You don't sound good.”
“Well no... I mean, yes... kind of?”
“What's going on, Y/N?”
“I just... I don't feel well, you know? Please, just tell him I won't come today.”
“He won't be pleased with it. Since the early morning, he was nagging me to sent you to him as soon as you come to the office. He wanted to talk about something important or... I don't know. He was pretty weird. But I can't, and I don't want to force you to anything.”
“Thank you. I will see you tomorrow?” It wasn't really a statement. You weren't sure if you would come or not. You needed space and time to think about everything, and his presence wasn't helping at all.
Even though, you didn't trust Kyo anymore, it wasn't like you were going to ditch your mission. You wanted to know what B/N possibly hid and why Kyo so desperately wanted those information. Or, if there was really nothing on B/N, you wanted to find out who and why was trying to end him. You just needed to come up with different, smarter plan. Maybe getting closer to him wasn't the worst idea, you would get to know not only his secrets but his body and time would be at your disposal.
And that, wouldn't be too bad.
But what would happen later? You would disappear into thin air, without any explanation, without anything really, but all feelings and memories would stay with you for the rest of your life. Were few weeks or months with him worth remembering them till your last days? Were you ready for such sacrifice?
Your phone suddenly started buzzing, interrupting your thoughts. Without looking at the screen, you picked it up.
“Yes?”
“Y/N, what's going on?” B/N's voice was laced with worry.
Your grip on the phone tightened. “I'm not in the best state. I need to rest a bit,” you answered quietly. His call was the last thing you needed right now. You could have imagined him, sitting in his chair with slightly messy hair and raised eyebrows. He was probably in another perfectly tailored suit that made him look so tempting. You shook your head, trying to focus on something else. To focus on anything beside him.
“Is it because of what happened yesterday?” Now he sounded even gentler. He was obviously worried, making your heart skip a beat. You wanted to feel his arms around you so badly now.
“No, absolutely not,” you answered. No matter what you couldn't let him know that that situation affected you in any way. He shouldn't know how much power he had over you.
He sighed. “I'm sorry that I left you alone at that damn party. It was stupid. If you want, if it will make you feel better, I can turn Sheng's life into a real hell.”
“What? No, I already forgot about that. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time that something like this happened to me.” You bit your tongue immediately after the last sentence left your mouth. You said that without thinking, without even realizing what you just did. Opening up to him was the worst thing you could have done. “Forget I said that. I don't know why I did it.”
“What do you mean forget it? You were sexually assaulted before? What the fuck,” he raised his voice shocked. “Why are you so chill about it?” You could almost see how he straightened in his chair, how his muscle tensed.
“B/N, it was long ago and... well, I don't need to explain it to you.”
“Are you kidding me? You know how much power I have, I can make anyone pay for what they did, I can...”
“Stop it. I don't even remember who those people were. Plus, why would you do this? Why do you care?”
“Because...fuck.” He sounded annoyed and angry. It was kind of... sweet that he cared about you so much, even if he didn't want to admit to it. “If you don't want, then okay. But if it's not because of Sheng, why can't you come today? Is it about what happened later?”
Your heart sped up. “No. Why are you so stubborn? I want to rest, that's it. Can't you understand that? Just go with your day and leave me alone for some time.” You ended the call angrily, throwing the phone on the bed.
Why? Why the fuck he started to care about you? He was making everything so hard. Something changed... he changed. You didn't give him any reason to like you, let alone to be so concerned about you. You were a pain in the ass, to say the least. So why he suddenly became so worried about you?
You sneaked into Markus' house and took your shoes off. “Bro, are you here?”
“Yeah. Take a bottle of water from kitchen with you.”
You entered the small room and stopped in your track. The inside was so messy that you couldn't put your foot anywhere. Markus was always busy but that couldn't be excused. Empty bottles of water, dirty paper plates and pizza boxes were scattered around everywhere. How could he live like that?
“Hey, can you be a little bit cleaner? It's not that hard to take out the trash, you know,” you yelled, kicking your way to the other side of kitchen.
“I'm kinda busy, Y/N. And that's your fault, by the way. If you want, you can clean it up.”
“Sure and what else,” you mocked, annoyed. The truth was that you would probably do it anyway. It wouldn't be the first time. Besides, he had a point. He was doing research for you without anything in return and you could do at least that for him. In fact, cleaning his house was like a currency in your friendship – he was looking for things for you, and in return you were making his place fit for living.
You took a full bottle from the floor and headed to Markus' office. “Here.”
“Thanks.”
You sat on a stool and looked at one of the screens. “How's work?”
He sighed, leaning in the chair. “Not as good as I would like to. Kyo is not stupid, I knew that, but it seems that his little pet Sammy is actually a lot smarter than I thought. He did pretty good job, Kyo's files are strongly secured and I need a lot more time to break those algorithms.”
“Can I help you somehow?”
“Not with this, we both know you have no idea what I'm doing here,” he laughed. “But you can cook something. I haven't eaten anything besides pizza for... a week?”
“Jesus, didn't I tell you to stop with all this unhealthy food?”
“Quit nagging, you're not my mother,” he said with a cheeky smile. You hit his head playfully and got up.
Cooking with what Markus had in his fridge wasn't an easy task but you finally managed to do something edible. You also cleaned his whole house and pleased with results, you came back to him. He quickly digged into the food with content sigh.
You took a better look at him. He was slimmer than before, and dark circles reached nearly to half of his cheeks. He was spending definitely too much time on this. You felt terrible because of this. He was ready to do anything to help you, even if that meant not taking care of himself.
Markus glanced at you, and opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by your ringing phone. You looked at the screen and declined the call immediately.
“Who was that?”
“B/N. I really don't want to talk to him right now.”
“Anything happened?”
“Actually, yes. You could say that we had a moment yesterday.” Markus choked and looked at you suspiciously. “Not in a way that you think. In short, he took me to a business party where some dude stuck to me for the whole night. Mind you, he was disgusting, and B/N left me with him all alone. But then he hit him, injured his hand because of it, I invited him to my house to take care of it and... I don't know, the atmosphere... It was pretty intense. And today he's calling me nonstop because I took day off.”
“You didn't want to be around him.”
“Yeah. I'm fucked, man. I'm so confused, I don't know what I'm feeling. On the one hand, I want to be close to him but on the other, I want to avoid him as much as I can. What am I suppose to do?”
Your phone buzzed again. Annoyed, you looked at the screen and rolled your eyes. Wasn't he tired of calling? What did he even want from you at this point?
“Answer it, maybe it's something important,” Markus said with troubled expression.
You hesitated for a moment but finally picked it up. “B/N, can you stop already?” The other end of the line was silent. You could only heard his fast, erratic breath and some weird slow music. “B/N?”
“What are you doing to me, Y/N? Why am I doing things I wouldn't normally do?”
You looked at Markus with confusion written all over your face. “Are you drunk?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled.
“Where are you?” You stood up, ready to pick him up. He definitely had too much alcohol. You knew he could drink a lot, he was good at it. But if he brought himself to such state, it meant that he crossed his limit.
And it seemed like it was your fault.
He laughed loudly. “What? Are you gonna come and save me? Why should I explain myself to you if you didn't want to do the same?”
“B/N, where the fuck are you?”
“Find me.”
And with that he ended the call. You tried to reach him a few more times, but he ignored you. You groaned. “Markus, can you track him?”
Half hour later you entered richly looking bar. It was full of man in suits and girls with few or none clothes on. You were in places like this before, and every time was like a torture for you. They were all the same, the same pits of despair for wealthy, horny men.
You searched the inside with a glance, wanting nothing more than to leave as quickly as possible, and noticed B/N at the corner. On the table, he was sitting by, stood around four empty bottles and girl in dress shorter than you ever saw, was kissing B/N's neck. He wasn't even looking at her, visibly unsatisfied with her company.
But you merely noticed it. You clenched your hands in to fists, ready to hit someone. Anyone really. The fact that she had her arms wrapped around him made you boil with anger.
You moved into his direction, and as soon as you reached him, you dragged the girl from him. “Out,” you commanded with anger in voice. B/N looked at you puzzled. His eyes were glossy, and skin pinkish. He was drunker than you expected.
“Find yourself someone else, girl,” she said, trying to push you away.
You grabbed her wrist and spun her around. “I said, get the fuck out of here. Your pretty little face won't be this pretty anymore if you don't listen to me. I won't repeat myself,” you gritted through clenched teeth. She broke out of your grip and with mad expression on her face, she left. You turned around and crossed your arms. B/N was looking at you amazed. “Get up, we are leaving.”
“How did you find me,” he stammered.
“You want me to drag you from here? Because I definitely can. Move your ass, you drunkard.” Without looking behind you, you headed to the door.
When you sat in your car, your hands gripped the wheel madly. What was he even doing? Was he really this upset with you? He was acting like a teenager, not like a well-known CEO, and it made you question everything you learned about him up to now.
He joined you second later and obediently fastened his seat belt. You glanced at him and noticed how carefully he was watching you. He probably didn't expect you to come this fast. Hell, he probably didn't expect you to come at all.
During the whole way to his apartment neither of you said anything. Few times he opened his mouth as if to say something, but he closed them as soon as he looked at you. You wanted to scream at him, to make him understand how dumb were his actions. He couldn't be this stupid. Drinking almost till he lost consciousness, fooling around with a random girl. It wasn't what prosperous businessman should do on weekdays.
You stopped your car in the parking lot of his apartment's complex and turned the engine off. You looked at him with daggers in your eyes.
“Get out and sleep it off,” you gritted through your teeth, but he didn't even flinch.
“Can you come with me?”
You blinked a few times, amused with his bluntness. “What?”
“I... I don't think I can make it alone. The whole world is spinning.”
You sighed, exhausted. Going into his house wasn't your dream right now. You were extremely mad at him, but still some part of you cared for him too much to leave him alone now. Again...
You knew it was a bad idea however, you got out of your car and help him stand on his feet. He staggered and your arm instinctively wrapped around him. He was close, too close. You felt his hot, stinking of alcohol breath on your cheek. Your whole body tensed.
You dragged him to an elevator and pushed him inside. He stumbled, losing the last bits of balance he had in him. He leaned forward, crushing you between him and a cold metal surface. His hands grabbed your hips in an attempt to steady himself. You sucked the breath harshly. Your skin burnt like crazy and your head was spinning with the feeling of B/N's proximity.
You put your hands on his torso and pushed him lightly. “B/N move, I need to select the floor.” His grip on you tightened. Without looking at a panel, he pushed one of the buttons with his elbow and put his head on your shoulder. You held your breath startled. His lips were dangerously close to your neck, and you stupidly wished he would put them on you. “What are you doing?”
“I'm not sure,” he laughed. His breath tickled your skin, sending shivers down your spine. “I just want you closer.”
“You're drunk, you're talking crazy.”
“Maybe. But it feels nice.” Your heart was racing. It felt nice, but it was so wrong at the same time.
When his mouth touched your sensitive skin, the door opened and you left the lift as fast as you could. B/N lurched forward and groaned dissatisfied.
“Keys,” you ordered, extending your arm.
He smirked, coming closer to you. “I have them in the pocket of my jeans. I can't pull them out.”
You looked at him annoyed and grabbed him by the belt. You pushed your hand into his front pocket and mentally slap yourself in an attempt to slow your heart down. His pants were extremely tight and you had problems with moving your fingers. You felt B/N's eyes on you, observing your every move with heavy breath. When you finally grabbed the keys and pulled your hand out, you accidentally brushed against B/N's hardening dick. He moaned shamelessly. Your whole body tensed again, and you needed to take a deep breath to calm yourself. With reddening cheeks you turned around and opened the door to his apartment, trying to ignore how much you wanted to jump him.
His apartment was bigger than you expected. It was filled with modern and richly looking furniture, everything was neat and clean, and it smelled like a mix of B/N's perfume and the man himself. Now, even breathing was hard.
You glanced over your shoulder. “You're inside, so I will go now.”
B/N blocked your way. “Can you stay a little longer,” he pleaded.
“For what?”
“Just stay for ten fucking minutes, can't you do this? Is someone waiting for you?”
You sighed and headed to the kitchen. You grabbed a glass, filled it with water and went to his bedroom, expecting him to follow you. You set the glass on the table beside the huge bed, leaned against it and looked at B/N. He was struggling with buttons of his suit, and with roll of your eyes, you came closer to him. You pushed his hands away and helped him took it off. You hesitated for a moment but finally removed his shirt too. His body was deliciously fit and lightly tanned. Every muscle was highly visible and tempting. You wanted to trace your hands over his skin, find every mark on it, and kiss every centimeter of him. But you needed to be the responsible one.
B/N's fingers closed around your wrist. “I kinda like it.”
“Stop it. Take your pants off and go to the bed.”
“Oh and it's getting better.”
You shook your head and stepped aside. You took a look around his bedroom. It was frighteningly empty, no photos, no decorations, nothing. It looked exactly like your room. From what you've heard, he wasn't close with his family, so the reason behind this emptiness was also similar. Maybe he resembled you more than you initially thought.
You heard the squeak of his bed, so you turned to him.
“Can I go now?”
“Jesus Christ, why are you in such a hurry?”
“Okay, okay, fine,” you groaned and sat on the floor beside the nightstand. B/N rolled on his side and set his eyes on you. “If you don't want me to go, maybe instead you want to tell me why did you drink so much?”
He was silent for a few minutes before he answered slowly, “You pissed me off this morning and... I don't know, I was mad at you... at me, and it kinda just happened.”
“And why would you be mad at me? I wanted one day off. One day.”
“You didn't want to tell me what was going on, and I was... worried. Don't look at me like that, I know it sounds weird, but I can't really explain it.”
You traced your fingers on his arm without thinking. His words pulled at the strings in your heart that you didn't even know existed. He could act as if he had no emotions, but his drunk self was brutally honest, telling you things you were scared to hear. The truth was that even if he didn't want to admit it, or maybe he didn't understand it yet, he was falling for you.
And that scared the hell out of you because you started to feel the same.
You never really experienced something like this. It was so new to you. Caring about someone that way, wanting to be with them and receiving the same from that person was nice. But deep down you couldn't convince yourself that love was something for you. No one ever loved you, and until now, you were sure that that was how it should have been. Was it even useful to change it now?
You opened your mouth to say that you really need to leave but you closed them when you noticed that B/N fell asleep already. His breath was slow and rhythmic, lips slightly parted, hair covered his closed eyes and fingers laced together with yours. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful.
You moved closer and traced your digits over his face. “What are we going to do now, B/N?”
You took his keys, hoping he would think he left them somewhere and headed to the security guard situated by the entrance of the building.
“Hey, I'm Y/N. I'm B/N's assistant. Can you please do something for me?”
The old man looked at you with a friendly smile. “How can I help you, miss?”
“Can you check on B/N tomorrow morning? He drank too much and I'm kind of scared that something may happen to him in sleep. I know I shouldn't leave him alone but I can't really stay here. I would be so grateful.”
“It's gonna be weird, but sure. What should I say to him?”
“Whatever you want. But don't mention I was here, please.”
You got in the car and leaned your head on the steering wheel, defeated.
Annoying sound of doorbell woke B/N up. He opened his eyes carefully but closed them as soon as the sunlight blinded him. His head was heavy and it throbbed with pain. Everything was too bright and too loud. He wasn't sure where he was but quick check of his surroundings told him he was in his own bed.
How the hell he ended up here?
He couldn't remember single thing from yesterday. All he knew was that he got mad at you and went to drink. Everything that happened later was a mystery for him. Did he do anything weird? Did he hook up with someone? Who brought him here?
The doorbell rang again. He stood up with a groan and noticed a glass of water on the bedside. Did he put it here? He downed it and headed to the door.
He was confused. No one ever visited him... besides girls he invited himself. Was it one of them? “Coming,” he yelled when the sound of bell filled his ears one more time. He wanted to throw up because of it. Every step required a lot more strength than normally.
“Good morning, sir. Sorry for interrupting you so early but I wanted to tell you that there's been a suspicious man who sniffed around our building, so you should be careful,” said the older man. From what B/N remembered he was one of the security guards. He had no idea what was his name, not that it was important for him.
“Okay, I will remember this.” He was about to close the door, when he thought about something. “Hey, you were here all night?”
“Yes, why are you asking?”
“Do you perhaps know how I got here,” he asked with hope.
The man tensed and scratched his head, averting B/N's gaze. “Well...”
“Yes,” B/N insisted, looking at the man suspiciously.
“Well... some girl brought you here.”
“And what did she look like?”
“I don't remember clearly, sorry.”
B/N sighed. “That's fine, thanks.” He closed the door and leaned on them. So he was with a girl yesterday. Who was it? Why didn't she stayed with him? He had some bits of memories, memories of someone undressing him, but it was so faint that he couldn't tell if those were real or if it was just a dream.
What really happened last night?
And why, for fuck's sake, he was this horny from the early morning?
He came back to his room and grabbed his phone. The thing he was about to do... he wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but he needed some relief. And he needed it as fast as possible.
With a weird feeling, something too similar to betrayal, he called Anna.
You entered the office extremely late. You didn't know what to expect. Was B/N already there? Was he okay? Did he remember anything from yesterday? You yourself couldn't sleep at all. Your mind was full of thoughts about him and the situation you were in. You were scared of your own feelings, and didn't know what to do with all of this anymore.
You said hello to Anna and headed to B/N's office.
“He's not there,” Anna informed you.
You turned around to look at her, suddenly worried. “Something happened?”
“I don't think so. He called me earlier and said that he will be out today because he has a remarkably important thing to do. For me, it was bullshit. Yesterday he was worse than normally, and he got out of the office pretty quickly, so I assume that he drank too much. Nothing to worry about.”
He was fine and that was the only thing that mattered to you.
You looked at the clock on your phone. Fifteen more minutes and you would be free. It was so boring without B/N, the only thing you did was stroll around the company aimlessly and talked with people about nothing important. You tried to keep your mind occupied with things other than B/N but it was hard. What was he doing? What was that thing he needed to do? You thought whether you should call him or not but finally decided not to. There wasn't really a need and you didn't want to look like you were worried about him.
You slowly got up from your chair and gathered all your belongings.
“I'm gonna go, Anna. I'm bored and there is no reason for me to be here any longer,” you said.
“Okay. I will see you tomorrow,” she answered without looking at you. You were about to step into the elevator when she yelled, “Y/N! You picked up B/N's suit from tailor, right?”
You spun on your heel with fear in your eyes, “Holy shit. He's gonna kill me.”
“He probably will. Here,” Anna threw a key in your direction. You caught it with confusion written all over your face. “It's a spare key to his apartment. Just in case.”
You thanked her, even though you didn't really need it, and rushed into the elevator. You hit the button with fist and leaned your head on the cold surface of the huge mirror inside. After all the things that happened you actually forgot about your duties as the assistant. Maybe he was nicer to you, but he definitely still cared about his job and appearance. He never showed up at meetings in the same clothes. The change in his feelings towards you wouldn't really matter in that case.
The ride was rather short and you were extremely glad for it. You parked on the pavement, jumped out of your car and sped to the luxury store. Middle-aged woman behind a counter looked at you suspiciously. You tried to catch your breath before standing straight.
“Hello, I'm here to pick Mr. B/L/N suit.”
“Oh, right.” Her voice was moderately calm but you picked trace of irritation in it. “I was waiting the whole day, miss.”
“I'm so sorry, it was such a busy day at work. I couldn't make it earlier,” you lied.
Woman eyed you up and down and her eyes softened a little bit. “It's okay, I understand. It's probably hard to work for such demanding young man,” she laughed.
“Only sometimes,” you smiled softly, taking a bag with suit from her. “Thank you so much and once again, I'm really sorry for the inconvenience. Goodbye.”
You left the store and rolled eyes. Hard? That's a huge understatement.
You hanged the suit over your arm and moved towards B/N's apartment. It wasn't far from the shop and some walk seemed like a good idea to clear your head a bit. You prayed under your nose that the thing he needed to do involved going out, and he wouldn't be at home because that would probably mean scolding.
You sighed. You weren't sure if you were ready to meet him after previous night. You were scared but on the other hand, you wished he would be at home. It was still hard to admit it but you really missed his face, his voice, the way he looked at you.
You approached his building complex and said hello to a different security guard this time. He bowed his head and let you in after you introduced yourself. You pulled out keys and slowly opened the door. The inside was peaceful and quiet. You exhaled. He was out. You kicked your shoes off, put your bag on the table in the kitchen and headed into his bedroom.
You definitely weren't ready for what you saw.
B/N was lying in his bed... with a girl between his legs. She was sucking him off with the most unpleasant sound you ever heard. You were sure she didn't know what she was doing. And his face confirmed your assumptions - he covered his eyes with hand but you saw his bored expression.
You were shocked, to say the least. So, that was the thing he needed to take care off. Remarkably important thing. Fucking jerk. And you were worried about him all day. For no reason. You should have known better. All those changes in him? Those sincere words from yesterday? It was a bullshit. He didn't change at all, he didn't care about you. And you fell for that.
Feeling of betrayal clamped around your heart. If anything started to bloom between the two of you, now it was gone. Like everything else in your life.
You pulled yourself together and cleared your throat, “B/N?”
His eyes snapped open and he looked directly at you. The girl raised her head with drool all over her chin unmoved. You chuckled, scanning his body slowly and staring a little too long at his thick half hard cock. It was pathetic. She was terrible, and she didn't even care. The thought of you on her place crossed your mind and you blinked shocked. It wasn't the time for thoughts like this.
“What are you doing here?” B/N asked with guilt in his eyes. Quit acting, you fucker.
You glanced at him with fake smile, “I brought you your suit. Sorry for the delay.”
“That's okay. Hang it in the wardrobe.”
“Sure thing.”
As soon as you stepped into the closet, you heard his moans. You stopped abruptly and took a sharp breath. What the fuck, B/N? Just a few seconds ago you were bored and now she suddenly knows how to make you feel this good? Sounds he was producing made you clenched your shaky thighs together, your core burned more and more with every moan that left his lips. You shut your eyes and tried to calm your racing heart and erratic breath. Oh god, you're doing this on purpose. You hung the suit with shaky hands and leaned against a dresser. Calm down, Y/N, calm down. It's not like you never heard man moan. Heck, you were the reason they made those sounds in the first place! He's doing this just to make fun of you, just to make you aware that you're stupidly naive.
You couldn't control your feelings. You were angry, disappointed and wronged but no matter what sounds that were escaping his lips aroused you, and you hated yourself for this. You felt the wetness gathering on the fabric of your underwear and it was becoming uncomfortable. There was no point in staying there any longer. You took deep breath and left the wardrobe, trying to appear more confident than you were.
You stopped with a hand on the door. “I put the suit on the left. I want to remind you that you have a meeting at eight tomorrow so please, don't play for too long... boss,” you said with blank expression, staring directly into his eyes. Before you closed the door, you heard him swear.
“Are you crazy,” the girl screamed, coughing hysterically.
You laughed, feeling almost dead inside.
She was useless. He didn't feel anything even though she had her lips around his cock for what seemed like an hour now. He didn't go to work today and invited her to his house to finally relieve some pressure that built in him but it was no use. He felt even worse than before. She didn't know what she was doing, and he started to think that he should throw her out. It wasn't a good idea after all. She wasn't you...
He was about to stop her and throw her out when he heard your voice. “B/N?”
His eyes opened so fast that his vision got blurred. It wasn't his imagination, you were standing there, looking at his body. His cock twitched a little, and he swore in his head. Your eyes ignited the flame in his body that the girl between his legs couldn't do for such a long time. He just needed you around to get hard.
“What are you doing here?” The first thing he noticed when he regained his composure was the harsh look in your eyes. You were mad, it was obvious to him. He felt the guilt building up in him even more.
“I brought you your suit. Sorry for the delay.”
“That's okay. Hang it in the wardrobe.” Wild idea crossed his mind. Maybe it wasn't that bad that you came here. He needed you to get rid of this annoying feeling of dissatisfaction. And if he couldn't have you directly, your presence would be enough. It wouldn't be the same, but he couldn't count on more.
“Sure thing.” He focused on the way your hips sway from side to side when you moved to the wardrobe, and he pushed the girl back onto his dick. She started to suck him again with the same slow pace but this time it felt different. Now his eyes were on your back. He was imagining your plump lips around him instead, he tried to picture you in her position with your hair all over your redden face and drool dripping from your chin.
Loud moan left his parted lips. He wanted you, he wanted you so badly right now. He was ready to throw this girl out of his house if you only said one word. He didn't care about her at all, his mind was occupied with you and it felt so perfect. He saw how your legs trembled and it drove him closer to his climax. He was affecting you the same way you affected him. You could say and do whatever you wanted but you still desired him.
You turned around and he quickly looked away. “I put the suit on the left. I want to remind you that you have a meeting at eight tomorrow so please” you stared into his eyes with blank expression, but your gaze held so much power that he almost lose it, he loved that, “don't play for too long... boss.” He couldn't control himself anymore. As soon as you finished your sentence he came hard, filling the girl's mouth with his seed. Echo of the word “boss” rang inside his head, tormenting him. He never knew that it would arouse him but when it left your pretty lips he lost every bit of control he had. It was a bit embarrassing that he came so fast but it doesn't really matter at that moment. He finally got what he wanted.
“Are you crazy,” the girl screamed, coughing hysterically. He didn't pay any attention to her, trying to catch his breath after long-awaited climax. “I told you that I don't want you to finish inside my mouth! It's gross. Jesus, now you need to do something for me, too,” she smiled sweetly while tracing her fingers on his leg.
“Get out,” he said.
“What?”
“I said, get the fuck out,” he repeated irritated.
“Don't you think I need something in return for the favor?”
“I didn't come thanks to you. You, in fact, were terrible. It was because of her,” he pushed her to the other side of the bed and turned around. “Take your clothes and get out.”
“You son of a bitch,” she yelled, grabbed her belongings and run out of the room.
He closed eyes slowly and imagined you next to him - exhausted, sweaty and his...
You threw yourself on your sofa and groaned loudly. “Fuck you, B/N,” you yelled into the ceiling frustrated. Your whole body, every muscle inside you burnt with anger and desire.
That was why you never engaged yourself in love. Being this vulnerable because of someone, always brought you pain. It made you weak and miserable. You should have learned already that depending on other people was the worst thing to do. They were always only pretending to care. Just as your own parents.
You ran your hand through your hair irritated. You definitely weren't sane. Why the hell you couldn't push his image out of your head? How could you be still attracted to the man that deceived you?
You couldn't concentrate because of the burning feeling in your abdomen. Flustered, you squeezed your thighs together to get some friction. When you moved your hand down, you told yourself over and over again that you were doing this just to get rid of that feeling. Not because of your mind, flashing you image of his sweaty body. Not because of his sweet moans, echoing in your ears.
Your fingers brushed past your wet folds and you pushed them inside you with a low groan. With every move of your hand you were more and more mad. It wasn't enough, it simply didn't feel right.
With heavy feeling of hate, you tried to imagine his lips on your neck, sucking and kissing your hot skin, his long fingers moving inside you, his deep voice saying dirty things right into your ear.
“B/N.” Long moan left your lips shamelessly. You felt dirty. You were nothing to him and yet, there you were, pleasing yourself to the thought of him. How low could you fall?
You digged nails into your thigh hardly, when you finally reached your high.
When a guy from an accounting department, whose name you forgot, told you that the team have planned to go to the party after work and you should join them, you eagerly agreed. Events of recent days became too hard to handle for you and you desperately needed some time to relax and forget, even for a few minutes, about B/N. For the past few days your head was full of extreme thoughts. You weren't sure if you still wanted to continue your task, if you wanted to stay around B/N any longer. You were hurt, and the fact that he acted like nothing happened at first was even more upsetting. He finally noticed the change in your attitude but it seemed that it wasn't something he cared about.
That was why you agreed to join the team that Friday night. That, and because you didn’t even remember when was the last time you went out, not to mention the last time you had sex. And you needed it more than ever. Because of the memory of that night, which you couldn't push out of your head, you were terribly tensed and needy. Even though, you felt terrible about it, that was your reality.
And when you learned that he was probably going too, you felt the need to make him angry, you wanted him to feel what you felt that day you had caught him with another girl. You wished he would really come, see you with someone else and go beyond his limits. You wanted him to boil with anger, to suffer.
“You got this, Y/N. It’s gonna be fine,” you said to yourself. You finished applying red lipstick and took last glance at your image in the mirror. You looked sexy, your black tight mini dress hugged your body in all right places, highlighting the fact that you didn’t wear a bra. Your hair fell back over your shoulders in perfect curls and your makeup was minimal except for bright red lipstick. You smiled to yourself, grabbed a bag from the bed and headed out from your apartment.
When you walked out of a cab right in front of a club, loud sensual music hit your ears. Small groups of drunk people were standing by the entrance, some laughing, some kissing. The inside of the club was extremely hot, smelled like alcohol, weed and sweaty bodies. Dim light and smoke were creating mysterious and arousing atmosphere. People were dancing close to each other, grinding on strangers shamelessly.
You missed such places. There was a time in your life when you spent night after night in clubs like this one, drinking and fooling around with men. It was your way to blow off steam. But since you started your mission that was rare. You spent most of your time at the office with B/N or at Markus’ house, searching for any clues that could help you understand the whole situation you were in. Today was your long-awaited time to relax.
“Y/N,” you heard someone from the left calling your name, so you turned in that direction. You saw a few people from work, sitting on a red couch. You didn’t remember their names except for Anna’s. You smiled at them and sat beside her.
“Beer? Cocktail,” asked guy in a white shirt. You remembered him from somewhere but you weren’t sure where he exactly worked. He was handsome but your plan was to hook up with someone who wouldn’t lose their job because of it.
“Vodka, a lot of vodka,” you said with a grin.
Hour later you lost count of how much you had drunk. You felt dizzy and extremely hot. You didn't have such good time in months. However, there was no sign of B/N and you didn’t really want to wait any longer for him. He probably decided to not come. You started scanning the dance floor, looking for someone suitable for the night. No one really caught your attention until you saw a guy standing by the bar. He was looking at you hungrily, sipping slowly on his whiskey. His tight white button shirt was slightly open, revealing tanned body, his hair were messy and you imagined running your fingers through them. Heat between your legs became unbearable.
You got up with intention to come closer to him but Anna’s hand grabbed your wrist. You turned to her with question on your face.
“You sure you can go anywhere in that state,” she asked. You only nodded your head, scared that she would sense the need in your voice. “Don’t you want to wait for boss?”
You shrugged, yanking your hand from her grip. You looked at the guy again. He was closer now, slowly swaying his body to the rhythm. Wait for boss? For what? Fuck him.
You approached the guy with a smirk on your lips. “Hey,” you said, linking your arms around his neck.
“Hey pretty.” His hands landed on your ass and pulled you close to him. He lowered his head to your neck, kissing and sucking on your skin roughly. You moaned loudly, grinding on his half hard dick, and he squeezed your butt in response. You felt wave of heat in your core, you couldn’t wait any longer, you needed some relief.
You grabbed his hair, pulled his head up and smashed your lips with his. The kiss was rough and needy. One of his hands traveled under the hem of your dress and touched your pussy through panties. You felt him smirk into the kiss when he felt how wet you were.
“Bathroom,” you mumbled between shaky breaths.
He swung you around and guided you to the closed area. His arm around your waist sent shivers down your spine. It didn't feel as good as you wanted, but he was better than nothing.
You kissed him again once the door to the bathroom closed with a quiet click. You run your fingers through his already messy hair, tugging it strongly. He lifted the hem of your dress up to your belly button and shoved his hand into your underwear. You groaned, throwing your head back and giving him access to your neck. He sucked at it again, leaving marks on the sensitive skin. He pushed his erection into your thigh, pinching your swollen pussy at the same time. You screamed in pain and pleasure.
You definitely needed it. You were sure you wouldn't remember his face tomorrow morning but that annoying feeling of dissatisfaction would be gone. And that was what you wanted. Screw B/N for now. Screw him and his fucking game.
The guy was about to push one of his fingers inside you when the door swung open, and he flew into the other side of the room…
He didn’t know why he was doing that exactly. He never went with his employees to party. Moreover, he never visited such filthy and unpleasant places like this bar. He preferred more elegant places with the same amount of horny girls ready to satisfy him. Now he felt disgusted and wanted to leave as soon as the smell of sweat hit his nose. How someone could enjoy something like this?
He looked around and noticed his secretary surrounded by people who he probably should have recognized. He didn’t even bother to recall their names, it was useless for him. He was here just to see you, just to observe how you acted in such environment. Maybe he even hoped that you would change your attitude towards him. After that… incident that happened in his bedroom, you became so cold, so distant, so… practical. You stopped arguing with him, you were doing all your tasks without a word and that made him furious.
He hated it, he hated every second of time spent with you. And it was all his fault. Just when he thought that the things started to look a bit different in his life, that maybe there was a chance and a reason to change his behavior, he fucking ruined it. All because of his stupid mind.
He came closer to the sofa and sat on the edge of it.
“Oh, look who’s here,” shouted a girl with short blond hair. She was clearly drunk as fuck, her eyes were foggy, and she spoke in irritating high-pitched voice. Her comment brought all eyes on him, making him kinda uncomfortable. “Boss, do you want to drink something?”
He looked at them with pity and finally realized that you weren’t there. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Sad,” she giggled and emptied shot of vodka.
B/N looked around, searching for you. He was mad at himself that he agreed to come here. He didn’t like those people, he couldn’t even drink. After the last time, there was no chance he would pour any alcohol in his system for a while.
He sighed and looked at keys in his hands ready to leave. What was the point of being around those people if you weren’t here?
“Boss?” He raised his head and glanced at his secretary. “Are you looking for Y/N?”
He twitched, shocked by her question. Was it that obvious? No, no one seemed to care, they were deep in other conversations, and they didn’t pay any attention to the both of them. Fuck.
“Why would I?”
“I don’t know, it was just a question,” she said while tracing her fingers on the edge of the glass. Something was off, he felt it.
“Just a question? Why did you ask that, huh,” he was mad. He didn’t like the idea of someone knowing that you were on his mind. Especially people who didn’t mean anything to him.
“Well, I thought you would ask about her since we told you she will come. I’m assuming that you agreed just because of this. After all, she’s the closest to you from all of us.” He exhaled slowly. She didn’t suspect anything after all.
He smiled to himself. “That’s true. So” he leaned towards her a little bit, “she didn’t come?”
“Oh no, she came.” He looked at her confused. Corners of her lips twitched. “I guess she’s with that hot guy that was looking at her all night. And I think she will definitely come more than once tonight” she giggled at her own joke.
B/N grabbed her by her shoulders. She whined at his sudden action. “Where the fuck is she?”
“How would I know? I'm not her guardian. Maybe bathroom?” He stood up abruptly and headed in given direction.
He gritted his teeth. Mad wasn’t even close to what he felt at this moment, he wanted to punch someone. Anyone, he didn’t care. He didn’t even understand completely why the thought of you with someone else made him this angry, but it did. He couldn't stand that someone could touch you, make you feel good. Fuck. Did you feel the same when you saw him that night?
He heard your lewd scream when he grabbed bathroom door’s knob. He pushed it quickly and saw you, head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth opened in pleasure and hand of a random guy in your underwear.
Without thinking, B/N punch him in the face, making him fly into the wall. He whined loudly and sank on the floor.
B/N looked at you with fury in his eyes…
Your eyes snapped open and you saw B/N in front of you. He was shaking with anger, his breath was fast and heavy, and his gaze was scarier than you've seen before.
You glanced at the unconscious guy who just seconds ago was about to fuck you. “What are you doing,” you screamed at B/N. You yanked your dress down and tried to come closer to his victim but B/N grabbed your hand and pushed you against the wall. “What?!”
“What,” he growled. “What am I doing? What the fuck are you doing?!”
“That’s non of your business, you jerk! I can do whatever I want! And I wanted to fuck him! Besides, you did the same! Am I not allow to?!”
The whole time you were trying to free yourself from his grip, but he was too strong for you. You attempted to kick him but in one second he grabbed both of your wrists in one hand, pinned them to the wall and caught your leg before you hit him. You cursed under your nose.
That was exactly what you wanted, you made him mad, he probably felt just like you. At least he looked like that. But you didn’t expect him to act this violent. You didn’t know he would take this so seriously.
You were about to scream at him again, but he suddenly kissed you.
You gasped shocked. His lips were much softer and sweeter than the guy’s on the floor, but they were much more greedy. You couldn’t lie, you loved the feeling of his mouth. You closed your eyes and thoughtlessly gave in the kiss. He made you a lot hornier. You felt the dampness inside your underwear more prominent than before. You wanted him, didn’t matter where or what will happen later, even what he did to you before wasn't important now, you just needed him. You moaned when his hand moved higher, touching your butt.
He broke the kiss and stared at you. You knew how you were looking, mouth opened, eyes hooded with desire and full of plea. He didn’t say anything, but he interlocked your fingers and pulled you out of the bathroom, leaving unconscious guy on the floor. He quickly crossed the dance floor and left the bar with you behind him. He opened his car and pushed you inside.
He was driving fast, definitely faster than he should have. He didn’t open his mouth during the ride even once. He looked extremely sexy with his clenched jaw and hands gripping the wheel strongly. But you were unsure, you didn’t know what he was planning. What if he wanted to drop you in your house?
Nah B/N, you’re not leaving me like this now.
Your intoxicated mind took action before you even thought about it carefully. Still looking directly at him, you slid hand down your body and you touched yourself through thin material of your panties. Quiet moan left your lips and brought B/N’s attention to you. He scanned your body, bringing more fire to your core. He clenched the wheel even tighter and sped more.
You knew you won.
When he pulled over to the parking in front of his apartment, you took out hand from your underwear. You wanted to open the door but he stopped you. He brought your fingers between his lips and suck your juices from them. His mouth was hot and his tongue… oh god, you imagined it on your pussy, slightly rough and definitely skilled. You moaned and yanked your hand back. One more minute and you were ready to fuck him in his expensive car.
He was faster than you, he opened door on your side and took you in his arms. You gasped loudly but quickly pushed your shock aside and you put your mouth on his neck, kissing and licking his hot skin. He growled and squeezed you tighter. You didn’t even notice when he entered his apartment. He stormed to his bedroom and threw you on the bed. You sat and took your heels off of your feet. Waiting eagerly for his next move, you moved on all fours and slowly licked your dry lips. He was looking at you and you were sure that after all he still wasn’t able to make up his mind. It was clear to you that he was torn between fucking you and leaving you there untouched.
“B/N,” you said in the most seductive way, “you can’t leave me now. Not when I want you so badly. I want you to fuck me. Rough. Please, boss.”
He was hesitant for a few seconds, but he finally grabbed you by your hair and brought you to his lips, “As you wish, kitten.”
He kissed you even harder than in the club. You felt intoxicated by his touch and smell, you needed him more than air at that moment. Your fingers found buttons of his shirt and you clumsily tried to undo it. He pushed you and ripped his shirt open. Sound of buttons hitting the floor made you gasped. B/N pinned you to the bed and yanked the front of your dress down, revealing your bare breast. Groan left his lips. His eyes on you made you hot, you wanted him to just fuck you, use you, whatever, you needed him inside you.
You were about to say this when his lips attacked your right nipple. You threw your head back, moaning loudly. His tongue swirled around it skillfully and then bit it harshly. Your hand flew into his hair and grabbed it. You felt him smirk into your skin, and then he repeated his action. Your mind was completely blank, there was only him, nothing else mattered. His every touch made you more desperate than you’ve ever been.
He released you and stood up. You looked at him confused. “Take off your clothes. Completely.” You obediently followed, throwing your dress and panties on the floor. “Good. On your knees,” he said while undoing his belt and taking off his jeans and underwear. You finally saw him completely naked in his full glory right in front of you. Your mouth watered at the sight of his cock. You licked your lips and looked up at him. “What are you waiting for? Suck.”
You grabbed his cock in your hand and gave it first lick, collecting precum from its tip. You hummed eagerly and took him fully in your mouth. He was hot, veiny and tasted insanely. You glanced at him when you started bobbing your head on his length, his eyes were closed, and he was breathing through clenched teeth. You couldn’t wait any longer, you needed some type of relief so you touched your wet folds. Shaky breath left your lips.
“Don’t even try,” B/N warned you, “Hands on your thighs.” His voice was deep, angry and filled with arousal. He grabbed your hair, wrap them around his hand and roughly yanked you on his dick. You choked, eyes widening at his violence. He started to fuck your mouth so aggressively that tears started to gather at the corner of your eyes, smearing your mascara all over your face. Saliva mixed with his salty precum dripped from your chin on the floor. You were so close to your high, you felt that tingly sensation build up inside your abdomen, and he wasn't even touching you. But then he stopped and pulled you on your feet. He licked your chin, looking straight into your eyes. “You want me, kitten?”
“Yes, boss.” Your voice was nothing more but a pleading whisper.
“I don’t think so. Try to convince me. What do you want from me?”
You swallowed impatiently. “I want you to fuck me, to use my body however you want to. Mark me, hit me, choke me, whatever, I just want your dick inside me, please,” you whined, touching his firm abs. “Please boss, please I…”
He didn’t let you finish, instead he pushed you on the bed again. “Get on all fours.”
His hand touched your butt and disappeared immediately just to land harshly on one of your cheeks seconds later. You moaned from pain and pleasure. He repeated it a few times, each one stronger than the previous. Your ass hurt as hell and you were sure that you will have problems with sitting tomorrow. But you didn’t care. You also didn’t care that your juices oozed from you down on the silk bed sheets, probably ruining them.
He hit you a few more time, but finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you felt his cock between your folds.
“B/N,” his name left your lips as a long whine and you felt him throb inside you. His moves were quick but steady, he filled you perfectly. Tears rolled down on your face, you were so sensitive, so close to your climax. You were sure that you wouldn’t last long. B/N grabbed your throat, squeezed it and brought you closer so that you were pressed to his chest.
“Are you going to cum for me like a good girl?” You nod slightly, unable to produce any words. His other hand traveled down to your clit and started rubbing it quickly. You couldn’t take it anymore.
Climax hit you so hard that you lost your vision, white spots danced in front of your eyes and you didn’t even hear your own weak scream. You were sure that if he wasn’t holding you, you would collapse. You never experienced something like this, it was the hardest orgasm you’ve ever had. You wanted nothing more than to lay on the soft bed and fall asleep.
But B/N wasn’t finished yet. He slammed into you harder and you screamed again. You were so overstimulated that his every move brought pain. You tried to free yourself and proposed to suck him off, but he only tightened his grip on your neck. You gasped for air and shut your eyes, unable to think anymore. His moves became sloppier, and he finally came with a loud moan. His hot seed filled you, bringing you to another orgasm.
Then there was only darkness…
He finally came. He was more than satisfied but the fact that this was probably the best sex and the hardest orgasm he ever had kinda terrified him. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere at the back of his mind such thought existed, but he didn’t want to admit it. You were intoxicating, that was certain. Your every move, every sound messed with his head, and he wasn’t sure if it was something good or bad. He didn’t really know what to think about it at all.
He loosened the grip on your throat. “Are you okay?”
You didn’t give him any response, so he looked at you with concern. Your head was laid on his shoulder, eyes closed and chest raising slowly. He smiled to himself.
Slowly, he put you on the bed and headed to the bathroom to get a towel. He carefully cleaned you from his cum and put blanket over your naked body. He laid next to you amazed. He had sex so many times but it never happened, no single women lost consciousness because of him. And no other women made him feel so satisfied, so… complete.
He gently touched your face. “You’re more dangerous than I thought, Y/N.”
He brought you to his chest and slowly fell asleep, breathing in your sweet scent...
Terrible headache woke you up in the morning. Sunlight that came through the window made you squeeze your eyes shut. Your throat was extremely sore and when you rolled on your side, sharp pain radiated from your ass. You whined, trying to remember what happened yesterday. Your memories were fogged, some unclear bits that didn't make any sense.
Something moved on your left and you snapped your eyes in this direction.
Then it hit you.
“Oh fuck.” You sat on the bed, blanket fell off of you, revealing your naked body. “Oh shit, shit, shit.” You quickly got up, trying not to wake B/N up, gathered your clothes from the floor and put them on in a hurry. What the fuck, Y/N? What have you done?
It wasn’t suppose to happen. You wanted to get laid but not with him… especially not with him, not after what he did. What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all? Now being around him, would be even harder. Thought about leaving all this shit crossed your mind, but you didn't have time to think about it. You needed to get out of B/N's house. Fast.
You looked at him before leaving his bedroom. In the sunlight he looked like an angel but his messy hair and slightly opened mouth brought memories of the previous night. He was far from an angel.
You couldn’t stop yourself and before you registered what you were doing, you kissed him delicately. “I hope you won’t remember that, B/N.”
When he woke up, he was ready to brush your hair and inhale your scent. It was hard for him to fully understand that. He just felt the need to do that.
When he turned around to where you were supposed to lie and realized that you’re gone, he sat straight confused. He looked around, there was no trace of you in his room, all your belongings were gone, the side of the bed where you were lying yesterday was cold. He cursed under his breath. What the fuck? Last night you were begging him to fuck you, to use your body however he wanted, and now when you satisfied your needs you were gone? No “thank you”, no “forget about it”, nothing. You just left him naked and alone. It wasn’t going to work with him.
He clenched his jaw and headed into the shower. He needed to think. It wasn’t like he never done something like this, of course he was leaving women’s houses when he was finished with them, it was normal for him. But someone leaving him? It never happened and it made him furious. Did that sex mean nothing to you? You definitely wanted it and you enjoyed it as much as he did. And yet, you left without a word. Was that your plan? Did you want to use him and disappear, so he would feel like every woman he had? Or... maybe you wanted him to feel the same as you felt a few days ago.
He banged his head on the wall, cold water running down his face. His feelings confused him. He didn’t understand your motifs, not to mention your feelings, which he didn’t like. He wanted to know clearly whether you felt something for him or not. He needed to know this. Even though, he was still reluctant to admit it, the thought of you not caring about what happened yesterday upset him.
Because deep down, he cared about it.
B/N entered the company, ignoring people who greeted him. He wasn’t in the mood, he just wanted to ask you if you remember anything from previous night, and if you at least felt good. He opened his office and saw you leaning against his desk and explaining something to Jiho. You were wearing pencil skirt and turtleneck. When you turned to look at him, blush creeped on your cheeks and you lowered your gaze. You definitely remembered.
“B/N, good to finally see you. You know you’re late, right?” Jiho was clearly irritated. B/N sat on his chair and focused his gaze on you. You shifted uncomfortable. “You have meeting in an hour and you didn’t even read what Anna had prepared for you,” he continued. “I asked Y/N to prepare shorter version of the files. Familiarize yourself with them. Y/N will help you.”
“What,” she squeaked. “I think you will do better than me.”
“Oh I know but I have other things to do. I’m counting on you, Y/N,” he said and left the office.
Uncomfortable silence fell over both of you. You took a deep breath and looked up. Your teeth tightened on your lower lip. B/N wanted to grab you and pull your mouth into the kiss, he wanted to be the one to bite your lips.
“So…” he started.
“I’m going to briefly explain to you what your meeting will be about, boss,” you cut him off. He blinked a few times confused. It was the last thing he wanted to do with you right now.
“I think we have something to discus.”
“Yeah and it’s content of your meeting, boss.”
“Y/N.”
“No. As Jiho said, you have a meeting in an hour and you need to be prepared for it. You can’t risk loosing this connection. We can talk about whatever you want after the conference but I think it won’t be necessary.” Your tone made him clenched his fist. So you wanted to forget about yesterday’s night? It really meant nothing to you.
Next half an hour he spent learning useless information just to please you. He was looking at you the whole time, trying to understand what you were thinking. It was difficult for him, it was the best sex he ever had, and he was sure it was the same for you, yet you decided to not talk about this, to forget everything. He refused to let this happen, he wanted to repeat that night again and again.
"Okay, I think that’s all I can tell you. I will escort you to the meeting room and leave these files with you. You will definitely make it work,” you said finally.
He stood up and followed you to the elevator. You didn't talk, you didn't even spare a glance at him, making him more anxious than he already was. When the door closed themselves, he didn't hesitate. Without thinking, he pushed an emergency button. Elevator stopped between floors with a loud scraping sound.
“What the fuck B/N,” you yelled. You tried to push the button again, but he pinned you to the wall with his body.
“We are going to talk about yesterday’s night, whether you like it or not, Y/N,” he groaned into your ear. Your breath stopped in your throat and he noticed it. “Why did you leave without a word?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, really,” he mocked you, shoving his hand under your skirt. You shuddered when his slander fingers touched your core. “I’m sure you perfectly know what I’m talking about. Look how wet you are right now. And I barely touched you. You remember feeling of my cock inside you, right? Come on, Y/N, I know you want me.”
“You know nothing, B/N,” you whispered between moans. His fingers curled inside you, hitting your sensitive spot. You threw your head back. “Oh fuck.” His lips attacked your jaw, kissing it sloppily.
“I don’t think so. I definitely know how to make you feel good, kitten.” He removed his fingers and yanked your panties off of you. He unbuckled his jeans, picked you up and order you to wrap your legs around him. You obeyed and connected your lips together again. He entered you fast with a low groan. You were squeezing him tightly, and he felt like he was in heaven. It was perfect.
Why the hell you wanted to forget about it?
Your arms wrapped around his neck and fingers tangled themselves in his hair. Sounds that were leaving your parted lips, brought him so close to his orgasm that he was ashamed of himself. “Come on, kitten, cum for me. I’m sure you want that.”
Your legs squeezed around him, bringing him even closer. You were purring into his ear with content.
“B/N… oh my god,” you moaned right after you came around him, pulling hardly on his hair. Your lewd moans brought him to his release shortly after you. He pushed inside you a few more times and didn’t pull out immediately. He stayed in the same position for a few more minutes, trying to catch his breath. He enjoyed your warmth too much for his liking.
“Don’t even try to ignore what happened yesterday and now, Y/N. I want this to happen regularly. And I know you want that, too,” he said. You nodded slowly, still unable to talk. He put you down, reached for your underwear and helped you put them on. He looked at you, foggy eyes, erratic breath and wrinkled clothes. You definitely looked like you just got fucked. He kissed the top of your head and push the emergency button. Elevator moved again. “Maybe you should cover your face with hair or something cause when someone sees you, they will know what just happened. Besides, I want to be the only one to have the privilege to see you like this.”
He smirked, pleased with the blush that appeared on your cheeks.
After what happened in the elevator, you had no chance to talk with B/N. You waited for him, still too shocked with what happened, but he was at the meeting for so long that Anna finally decided to drag you out of the company. You protested, telling her that you need to talk to him, but she wasn't listening.
That was why the next morning you were running from the parking lot with flushed cheeks, hoping that you would be faster than B/N at the office. You were more than excited to see him again. It was only few hours since you saw him last time but there was something thrilling about approaching meeting. The memories of his hands on your body, his lips on your forehead were as fresh as the morning sun, and they set your expectations for today high.
Every part of your body tingled with anticipation and excitation. No matter how much you wanted to calm yourself down, it was hard. Yes, there was a small voice at the back of your head, trying to convince you that this whole situation is bad and you shouldn't engage yourself into it after all but you were ready to ignore it. For now, at least.
There was still no solid reason for you to stop all of this. All of his words and touches were done unconsciously, he for sure didn't know what he was feeling, and as long as he didn't understand it, it was fine to go along with his... proposition. He seemed too naive to figure it out alone, and you had no intention to help him with that.
“Good morning Anna,” you sang, leaning on her desk. “Is B/N in his office?”
She looked at you with a soft smile. “Hey, no, he's not here yet.” She brought herself closer to you. “I didn't have a chance to ask you earlier. How it went with this guy?”
“What guy?” You squinted your eyes in confusion.
“Come on, the one from the bar.”
“Oh...” You scratched your neck, slightly uncomfortable. Memories of that night flooded your mind, and non of them included the guy she was referring to. You weren't even sure anymore how he looked. “Well, it didn't work out.”
Anna patted your hand placed on her desk. “Was it because of B/N? If yes, then I'm sorry. I told him...”
“Hey, chill,” you interrupted her. “I didn't say I've come back home alone.” You smirked at her.
“So?” You tilted your head in question. “Are you going to tell me more about it,” she asked with curiosity in her eyes.
“About what?” Anna jumped in her chair with a scream, and you turned your head rapidly, meeting B/N's gaze. He was standing so close that you felt his warmth on the side of your body and even hotter breath on your cheek. His eyes scanned your face, and slowly slid down to the low-cut of your dress. His hungry stare lingered there for a few seconds, making you grip the edge of Anna's desk harder, and then he turned to her. “What was so interesting that you didn't even notice me?”
Anna cleared her throat. “I- we...”
“Yes,” he insisted.
You leaned toward him, taking hold of yourself again. “What? Did that hurt your pride,” you asked playfully. He looked at you with squinted eyes and clenched jaw. If you saw him like this a few days ago, you would have said that he wanted to hit you. Now? Maybe he wanted it too but in completely different situation.
“Y/N.” His voice was laced with warning, and you were ready to push him even further. He tilted his head to the side, and then corner of his mouth twitched. He probably sensed what you were doing and it both excited and scared you. Were you really this easy to read? “To my office, now.”
Anna stood up. “Boss, we...”
“It's fine, I can take it,” you said with a shrug, following B/N. The moment she couldn't hear you, you added just for him, “I already did.”
As soon as you stepped into B/N's office and closed the door, he pinned you to them, trapping you between the cold surface and his hot body. His hands squeezed your hips painfully, making you flinch. He smirked, pleased with your reaction.
“Back to being cheeky?” He put his mouth on your neck and sucked harshly on sensitive skin. You bit on your lips, trying to suppress the moan.
“I don't know what you're talking about,” you gasped.
B/N backed away. “Okay then.” He moved to his chair and sat on it with a smirk plastered to his lips. “What is today's schedule?”
You looked at him with wide eyes. Your breath was uneven, and heart pounded furiously in your chest. Ghost of his touch still lingered on your body. You didn't understand what just happened. “I- why did you stop?”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” he mocked you.
With a groan, you approached him, put your hands on the armrests and lowered yourself a bit. “Don't fuck with me.”
“I thought you want me to,” he laughed.
Your jaw dropped in shock, and it wasn't just because of his words. He seemed a bit more... relaxed. Playful. You never saw him joking and that new side of him pulled you even harder to him. When you met him, it didn't cross your mind that he was capable of smiling, not to mention joking. And now he was smiling at you, in a sweet way almost, and it made your heart skip a beat once again. It was dangerous and scary, you knew it, but it was also nice, and you couldn't bring yourself to stop his little game yet.
Without thinking, you traced your fingers from his temple to the jaw. He watched you carefully with half-closed eyes. “Y/N?” You jerked your hand away, frightened by your own actions. You scolded yourself mentally for that moment of weakness. “Are you okay?”
His eyes scanned your face again. His brows were raised in question. He tried to look unmoved, but you knew he was concerned. Somehow, it was easier to read him now, as if he unconsciously decided to open up to you.
“Yeah, why wouldn't I?” You tried to step aside, scared of your emotions, but B/N pulled you closer. You lost your balance and landed on his knees. “Whoa, what?”
B/N moved his head closer to your neck, and placed a kiss on the spot he abused earlier. You hissed in pain. “I'm back to what I was doing.” His tongue slid over your skin, leaving wet trail in the process. He grabbed the hem of your dress, trying to pull it higher.
“Wait, are you serious?”
“You thought that I'm joking,” he asked without looking at you, too focused on leaving kisses all over your neck.
“No- well, maybe... hold on, we can't do it here.” You tried to stand up, but he held you in place, wrapping his arm around your waist.
“We can, and we will. I wanted to fuck you in my office from the first time I've seen you. The image of you bend over my desk haunted me for days, kitten. You're not going to run now.” His hand moved down under your dress, and he dragged one of his fingers on your clothed clit. You shuddered under his touch, leaning your head back on his shoulder. “You can't tell me you don't want it. Your actually wetter than I thought.”
“I've never said I don't want it,” you whined. “I simply don't want anyone to see us.”
His mouth was back at your neck, and he moved your undies to the side, sliding his fingers through your folds painfully slow. Your back arched, and shaky breath left your parted lips.
“Why do you care?”
“Can you shut u-,” loud moan cut you in the middle, when B/N pushed his fingers into you. You grabbed his forearm, not entirely sure for what reason. You wanted him to stop, but at the same time to go faster. He pumped his digits into you, curling them at the most perfect angle. You rolled your hips, earning a low groan from B/N. Just then you realized he was already hard and it hit you that he probably wanted it even before he entered the building.
You weren't sure how and when that happened but in one swift move he brought you to your feet, pushed you over his desk and leaned on your body. His hard dick brushed over your ass, and he hissed again. Your face was laying flat on the cold wood, cooling your feverish body a bit. You glanced around just in time to notice how B/N hastily undid his zipper and pulled out his reddened cock. He lifted his eyes and met your hungry gaze. With a smirk, he started sliding his hand up and down his length.
Although the view was mesmerizing, you wanted to feel him, to touch him, to have him inside you. And preferably, you wanted it as soon as possible. You turned to him, wrapped your fingers around his and tightened his grip. He took a sharp breath, leaning toward you.
“I want you, boss,” you purred in his ear.
His eyes snapped open. He wrapped his other arm around you and pulled you up, sitting you on the desk. He shook your hand off and stood between your legs eagerly. Your eyes didn't leave his, when he pushed your undies aside and slid in you. Your head flew backward, and long moan escaped your lips.
“Eyes on me,” he gritted through clenched teeth. His hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing it. Your breath got stuck in your lungs, and your vision got blurry. B/N groaned loudly. “Fuck, if only you could see yourself now, kitten.”
You gasped for air. You couldn't make any sound, you couldn't move, you were at his mercy, and it brought you even closer to the climax. The fact that he could do whatever he wanted with you made your head spin. With desire, but also with fear.
B/N loosened the grip on your throat and leaned closer. His lips were inches away from yours, when the door behind you flew open.
“B/N, do you rememb-,” Jiho said but cut himself as soon as he noticed the scene in front of his eyes. B/N looked at him angrily, not stopping his movements. You tried to free yourself, but he tightened his fingers on your neck once again, making you whine pathetically. Your whole face burned with embarrassment but you couldn't do anything. The burning feeling in your abdomen was dangerously close to spread through your body and you weakly patted B/N's hand to let him know. You didn't want to come while Jiho was watching.
B/N glanced at you, and without breaking eye-contact with you, he growled, “I'm busy now.”
“I can see.”
“Jiho, get the fuck out of here. Now.” It was hard for him to talk, his voice was strained and his moves became erratic. He was as close as you, and even though, he didn't care about Jiho seeing him in this state, he couldn't let his friend to see you like this.
You didn't hear Jiho's answer but as soon as the door clicked, your whole body trembled in ecstasy. Your vision darkened and you slapped B/N's hand a few times, scared that you could pass out. His arm fell on the desk, and he moaned a little too loud, reaching his high, too. He pressed his forehead on your shoulder, breathing hardly.
You dragged your fingers through his hair and yanked them hardly, lifting his head. “What was that, B/N,” you hissed.
“Hm,” he murmured dreamily.
“Why didn't you stop when Jiho...”
“There was no need.”
“No need?” You pushed him away, flinching at the loss of contact. “You fucking jerk.”
B/N grabbed the back of your neck, pulling you closer. You gasped, shocked. ��Watch your mouth, kitten. Jiho is my friend. Besides, he saw me like this already.”
“But he didn't see me,” you mumbled. “Fuck.”
“Hey,” he lowered his gaze, “he saw nothing, only your back. I wouldn't let him enjoy this view.”
You took a deep breath. “It's embarrassing.”
B/N smiled sweetly and placed a kiss on your temple. “It's okay. Don't worry that pretty head of yours.” He dragged his fingers down your spine. “I would love to stay like this longer, but he's probably behind those damn door.”
“Yeah.” You took a step back and glanced at him. You bit your lips, trying to suppress the smile. “Maybe you should dress up first?”
B/N insisted that you should stay during his conversation with Jiho but you refused more times than it was necessary. He walked with you to the door, and before he opened them, he connected his lips with yours in a quick kiss. His hand slowly ran down your waist, smoothing your dress in the process.
“Prepare the documents for today's meeting. I will meet you at the conference room, okay?”
“Sure,” you said, and with rosy cheeks you left his office, averting Jiho's gaze.
B/N looked at his friend, annoyed. Without a word he moved back to his desk and sat on it with folded arms. Jiho followed him, smirk plastered to his mouth. He dropped down onto the chair, and nudged B/N's foot. “What?”
“I thought you wanted to ruin her life.”
“I still want to do it, man, but maybe... in a different way.”
Jiho laughed. “That's kinda funny, you know? You were all about how she's annoying, and she drives you crazy, and now you fuck her on your own desk. What's the difference now, huh?”
B/N stood up and turned to the big window. That was a good question. Something changed, and he still wasn't sure what exactly. “Honestly?”
“And how do you think?”
“I don't know,” he groaned. “It's just... yeah, she annoys me and stuff, but she pulls me to her in a weird way. And,” he brushed fingers through his hair, “fuck man, after I got a taste of her body, I can't forget about it. I dream about her, I want to touch her, wreck her... I just want her around me all the time. And I know what I've said earlier but... I'm not sure if this wasn't what I wanted from the beginning.”
Jiho was silent for some time but when he spoke up again, B/N froze in place. “Everything's cool but what about her past? She lied to us, and we still don't know why. Yes, she didn't do anything suspicious yet, but we can't be sure.”
“I do remember this,” he gritted through clenched teeth.
He felt like idiot because of this whole situation. Even though, he was aware that you were hiding something from him, he hired you. He knew, and yet he still wanted you around all the time. He tried to convince Jiho, and maybe even himself, that it was because he wanted to find out what were your motifs, but the truth was, he was simply interested in you. Even before the job interview, they found missing pieces in the background information you've provided them. There was something odd about it but no matter how hard they tried to look for any clue, they couldn't find anything other than what you've given them. It was almost like someone cleverly hid everything about you for some reason.
What made B/N even more anxious was the fact that he did and said a lot of terrible things to you, and you still stayed. He was sure that you had some hidden agenda in being his assistant, but he couldn't figure out what it could be.
And the fact that you were okay with every fucked up thing he did, scared the hell out of him. What have happened to you before you came to his company that you even were fine with Sheng's behavior?
“You remember, and yet you're falling for her,” Jiho said out of nowhere, interrupting his thoughts.
B/N turned rapidly. “Are you fucking kidding me? Me? Falling for someone?”
“That's how it looks to me, B/N, and it worries me. No matter what you think, I want you to find someone who will put up with your shit and will love you unconditionally, but I'm not sure if she's the best candidate.”
“I don't go in for love and relationships, Jiho. It's the same with her, I'm all in for her body and that's it,” he groaned annoyed, not sure if he himself believed that anymore.
“I hope you mean it.”
Silence fell over both of them and he winced. “What did you come here for in the first place,” he asked, trying to change the topic. In a very long time he didn't feel like this, judged and uncomfortable under someone's gaze, and he definitely didn't miss it. He wanted this feeling to pass as quickly as possible. Of course, he didn't blame Jiho for this, he was just worried about him and B/N appreciated it. But the thought of other people noticing some kind of change in him, irritated the hell out of him.
“Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask you if you remember that you're supposed to meet your family on Saturday.”
B/N groaned again. “No, I didn't but you just fucking reminded me of this.”
“You haven't seen them in a long time, man, you should go.”
“And I was perfectly okay with this,” he sighed, sitting in his chair.
It wasn't like he didn't like them... he hated them. Especially his stepmother and her fucked up son. They've made his life a living hell for so many years. There was no chance he would ever forgive them for what they did to him, for how their words and actions shaped him in to a person he was now. Even mention of them made him clenched his hands into fists.
“Then do it for your father.”
“I will think about it.”
After Jiho left his office, B/N had to force himself to do the same with all the strength he had in him. His head was full of thoughts, confusing him more than anything ever. Out of nowhere everything became complicated. And he was... scared. Scared that, in fact, something had changed. Scared that he couldn't understand why it happened exactly.
As soon as he left the elevator, he saw you and the guy he was having the meeting with, chatting casually. You were smiling and you looked like you enjoyed the conversation. Much to B/N's dissatisfaction. However hard he tried to remember, he never saw you so relaxed and comfortable around him. With him you always seemed careful and maybe even tensed, and the realization of this made him angrier than he already was.
“I must say, miss, that I'm kind of jealous of your boss.”
“And why is that,” you asked, laughing.
“Well, I hope you won't be mad at me for saying this, but I would love to have such a beauty as my assistant. It probably would make my day a lot better.”
You opened your mouth but before any sound left them, B/N put his hand on the small of your back, pressing it hardly into you. You turned your head, trying not to show any sign of pain on your face. B/N looked at you shortly with cold gaze and switched his attention to the man. “Oh it sure does make my day better, Kim.”
“You're pretty lucky. You know,” he said, glancing at you with a playful smile, “if you ever got tired of him, I would definitely find a place for you in my company.”
B/N pulled you closer to him. His jaw was clenched, and eyes deadly serious. He never liked Kim but at that moment he wanted to rip his head off. “Don't make me laugh. Even in your wildest dreams she won't spread her legs for you.”
You gasped shocked, jumping away from him. It seemed like you wanted to say something but eventually you stayed silent. They didn't even pay attention to you anymore.
“Are you sure about it?”
“You bet. Only I can have this pleasure,” B/N said with a smirk.
Kim glanced at you. “I stand by what I said, miss.”
“How about we talk on another day, Kim? If you stay here any longer, I don't know what I will do.”
“Like the old days, huh? Send me an email regarding new date.” He moved past B/N and stopped near you. “Remember what I said,” he winked at you with a smile.
B/N exhaled slowly, hanging his head low. Anger boiled inside him, making his heart speed. Why the fuck all the people around him wanted you for themselves? He finally found something... someone who made his days better and everyone wanted to steal you from him.
He raised his eyes, meeting your angry gaze.
You stormed in to the conference room, pulling confused B/N with you. You pushed him towards the wall, and with rage in your eyes you pointed the finger at the door. “What the fuck did you do just now? Is today a day to embarrass me or are you just stupid?”
“Y/N,” he warned, taking step forward.
“No, shut up.” You massaged your temple, trying to gather your thoughts. You weren't even that mad about what he said, or even what he did earlier in his office. The fact that he was clearly jealous made your blood boiled. It wasn't supposed to be like that. You thought that the chance of him seriously falling for you was small, but with each action he proved you wrong. He was already too deep with his feelings. And that was dangerous. “Why did you do it?”
“What exactly?”
“Don't play dumb, B/N. You were marking your territory as if we were in a relationship. News flesh, we are not, and don't forget that.”
He gritted his teeth. “I know this.”
“So why are you so jealous,” you shouted. “You did the same at the club. I'm not your damn property, we are just fucking, nothing more.” You ran your hand through hair annoyed to the core. You wanted him to get closer to you, to open up but not exactly this way, you didn't want him to fall in love with you. Not when you knew how it all would end. Sooner or later you would disappear from his life and you both would be left hurt if those feelings got any stronger.
“I'm not jealous, Y/N, I just don't like to share.”
You took a better look at him, he was extremely tensed, and his hands were clenched into fists. Even if he wanted to hide it, you saw how they tremble lightly, and you weren't sure if it was because he was this angry or if he was confused and overwhelmed with his own emotions. Either way there was no point in talking to him any longer. You were certain that he would try to calm you down or say something sweet that would melt your stupid heart, and you couldn't let that happen.
You sighed deeply. “Sure. You know what? Let's keep it professional for some time because it looks like too much sex gets you all confused.”
“Are you serious,” he asked, blinking in shock.
“Dead serious, boss,” you said, and hastily left the room, not giving him a chance to change your mind.
Ignoring B/N and focusing only on your work as his assistant wasn't an easy thing to do from the very beginning, and now... it was even harder. You tried to be as professional as possible, only do what was required from you, but B/N constantly reminded you of the uncertain status of your relationship. He was looking at you, and only you, whenever you were around, his hands reached for you even if it was just for the smallest touch, and he couldn't stop talking about how much you and this situation annoyed him. He reminded you at least once an hour how badly he wanted to go back to your deal.
You tried your hardest to resist him. It was both irritating and saddening. As much as you wanted to go back to how your relationship looked before, it wasn't possible. Deep down, even if you didn't want to admit it, you knew that you both were already too deep into each other and there was no really turning back now. You wished that you could stop it from developing even more but you weren't sure if it was still possible.
Dread was looming over you all the time. There was definitely no happy ending to it, you felt it in your bones.
As soon as you entered the office after the weekend, you knew, you just knew, that something would happen. The atmosphere was heavier than usual, even Anna seemed to be more uncomfortable than you've ever seen her. You sat on your chair and glanced at her suspiciously. She ignored you, too focused on the files in front of her.
“Anna,” you spoke up confused.
She glanced at you, surprised. “Oh, Y/N, hey. I didn't see you.”
“Yeah, I know. Something happened?”
“I'm sure it did,” she sighed, leaning in her chair. “You definitely noticed that B/N is acting... strangely for a few days now. Fuck, it's not possible not to notice, you'd have to be blind not to see it. But today... I- I'm kind of worried about him. He came into the company, looking so fucking depressed, he didn't want anything from me, said basically nothing beside cancel my meeting today and locked himself in his office. He seems so down, I've never seen him like this, it's not like him at all.”
You looked at the door to B/N's office sadly.
It wasn't suppose to happen. None of it. You thought that after so much time, you would be out of this place already. You were sure you would leave this whole mess behind you, without regrets and, most importantly, without such strong feelings towards B/N. You had no plan to fall in love with him, and you were definitely on such track. Hatred was the only thing you were supposed to feel. And it should have been the same for him.
“Y/N, can you... you know, talk to him,” Anna asked with hope in her voice.
“I don't think it's a good idea.”
“Just try. You're closer to him than any other person in this company.” You opened your mouth to protest but Anna shushed you. “If not for him, then do it for me. I can't take this anymore.”
You took a deep breath. If only it was as easy as you think.
“Please, Y/N,” she begged.
“Fuck... okay, I can try but I can't guarantee anything,” you said, standing up. With heavy heart and trembling hands you approached his office. You knocked on the door but you didn't hear any answer. Hesitantly, you came inside and frozen instantly. Papers were scattered all around the room and among them, on the floor, B/N was sitting with head hidden in his hands. You came closer to him and knelt. “Hey, B/N, are you okay?”
He raised his head slowly and looked at you with sad eyes. Dark circles on his face were bigger than you've ever saw on him, his clothes were wrinkled and it looked like he didn't shave for, at least, three days. It wasn't like him. He seemed fragile and broken, and that hurt you more than anything. “What are you doing to me, Y/N,” he said weakly.
You sat across him and took a deep breath. “I'm not doing anything to you. It's all in your head.”
“Sure,” he laughed. “I knew you would say something like this. What else could I expect from you, huh?”
“What?”
“Come on, I'm sure you feel the same as me, but for some fucking reason you deny it all the time.”
You rolled your eyes annoyed. “Like you? That means what exactly?”
“I don't know, I can't describe it, but I'm sure that there is something. Something that pulls me closer to you. Something that I can't resist.” He extended his hand, trying to reach you but you moved back. He laughed again. “See?”
Your heart was racing furiously. He was right. He was so damn right, but you couldn't tell him this. You weren't doing this just for your peace of mind but also for him. You didn't want him to suffer later on. Actually, that was the last thing you wanted. “B/N, it's all...”
“In my head, right,” he interrupted you. “Quit the bullshit already. We both know you're trying to convince yourself, not me.”
You stood up abruptly. Your hands were trembling in frustration. “B/N... for fuck's sake, get your shit together. I don't need to convince myself because I know that the only thing between us is sex. Nothing more. You should finally see this too, you're only making yourself look more pathetic.”
“So it's my fault now,” he hissed, getting on his feet, too.
“After all, it was you who proposed this deal.”
“Yeah, right. But you eagerly agreed to it. Oh, and don't forget that you begged me to fuck you that night when we left the club.”
“I was fucking drunk and horny,” you yelled. “It didn't matter. Should I remind you that I was ready to sleep with someone else? No, wait, it won't fit in your narrative, right?”
You could have sworn that you saw like all his strength left his body. He leaned against his desk, turning his head the other way. “Why are you doing this,” he asked quietly. Cold hand of pain squeezed your heart painfully. Seeing him like this was hard, and you were sure that any more minute spent there would end up in your defeat.
“B/N, listen to yourself. Stop overthinking it and just listen to what you're saying,” you sighed, turned around without second glance at him and left his office before tears rolled down your cheeks.
He watched as you were leaving his office and, as much as he wanted to go after you, he stopped himself. His head was spinning with too many thoughts. Was he wrong about your relationship? Did you really feel nothing? That's how it looked like. That was the only logical answer to your coldness during this conversation that he could come up with. You seemed not affected at all by this situation, you were still as beautiful and lively as always.
And he was the opposite. For the past few days he couldn't sleep, eat, and there was no room in his head for caring about his looks. He just didn't care. The only thing that he was constantly thinking about was you, and only you.
There was no point in denying it anymore, he fell for you. He was terrified by that thought but that was the truth. For the first time in his life he finally felt alive, even if that lasted only two days. There was something in you that made him feel things he didn't know he could experience. He always thought that love wasn't for him, after all even his family wasn't capable of loving him. He never experienced it, or simply didn't remember. But that wasn't the point.
The point was that he didn't know that he was able to love anyone.
And now that he miraculously found someone who woke up those feelings in him, he was left alone with all of this. Left in fear and confusion.
You leaned against the door with closed eyes and heavy breath. It was too late to save him from pain now. It was okay for you, you got used to feeling broken and alone but the thought of him feeling the same hurt you more than anything. You really tried to prevent this but B/N was probably in love with you long before he'd proposed that deal. And now there was nothing you could do. You could avoid him, ignore him, tell him every awful thing you could come up with, but there was no use in doing this.
There was only one thing you could do but you didn't have the strength to do it yet. Leaving him, leaving all this mess behind you, was probably the best thing you could do, but you wanted to be selfish for once. You wanted to spend some more time with him, even if that meant just looking at him from afar. Even if that meant that you would need to disappear from, not only his life, but lives of other people around you... Markus, Anna, and especially Kyo.
Just few more days and you would leave. As far as possible.
You wiped the tears from your face and approached Anna. She looked up at you and when she noticed your reddened eyes, she sighed. “It didn't work out?”
“No. I would even say that I made it worse.”
“Oh fuck. What happened to him?”
“I- I don't know.” You glanced at the door to his office with guilt. You knew all to well what happened, after all it was your fault.
Before you had a chance to turn around, the door opened and B/N came out of the room. He looked even worse than just a few minutes before. He seemed smaller... weaker. It was as if all the hope he had in him before your conversation was gone now. Your heart stopped at the sight and the only thing you wanted was to take him in your embrace and tell him that it would be alright. But that would be a lie, and you didn't want to deceive him even more.
He looked at you sadly and passed by you without a word. Anxious, you grabbed his arm, making him turn around. His eyes landed on your hand tightly wrapped around his and you could see on his face how hard it was for him to not react.
“Where are you going,” you asked.
“Home, or bar, I don't know. I can't be here any longer.”
“Boss,” Anna started. “Is everything all right? Are you okay?”
B/N laughed sadly. “Do I look like I'm okay? Shit, I'm far from being okay.”
“Can we talk once more,” you proposed, ready to give in. You couldn't look at him in this state anymore. It was too hard.
“No, we can't. There's nothing to talk about, Y/N.”
You tried to stop him, you really did, but he yanked his arm away and disappeared in the elevator, leaving you with heart shattered into pieces.
You felt like this once, and you prayed to all gods that you would not feel it ever again. It was too similar to what you experienced in your childhood, being left alone with no hope, no positive emotions. The only thing existing in your broken heart was sadness and loneliness. Fuck, maybe what you felt right now was even worse. Back then, there was no guilt in you, but now it filled every part of your body in the most painful way.
You called B/N many times during that day, but he never picked up. At some point he finally turned his phone off, leaving you without any way to track him. You were more than worried. Seeing how badly he was dealing with this, you feared that he would do something stupid. And you couldn't stop thinking about what would happen later... when you leave. If he was so depressed with you still around him, how would he react to the situation where he couldn't see you anymore?
When you finally left the company and got to your apartment, you couldn't deal with your thoughts and emotions any longer. Rain that was falling on you heavily, was mixing with your bitter tears, and making you even colder than you were.
You got on your floor and frozen immediately. Your breath got stuck in your throat and the bag you held in your hand fell on the floor. “B/N?”
He looked at you with slightly reddened eyes and leant against the door more. “Hey.” His voice was hoarse and filled with so much pain that you couldn't bear it.
“What are you doing here?”
He sighed deeply. “You know, I wanted to drink, to get wasted until I lost consciousness but I had no strength to deal with people. I never really had, but... it's harder today. Every time I got caught in my thoughts, I saw your face, I could fucking smell your fragrance. So I came here. I don't even know how it happened,” he laughed. “I was thinking about you and suddenly I was here. That's fucked up, right?”
You came closer to him, and just then you noticed how much he trembled. His clothes were wet, sticking to every part of his body. “You shouldn't be here.”
“Yeah, I know but I couldn't help myself. I can't deal with this anymore. Is it so wrong that I want you close? Is it, Y/N?”
You extended your hand and slowly brushed through his wet hair. He closed his eyes, leaning in your touch. You were weak, maybe weaker than him actually. Of course, there was a part of you that wanted to push him away from you but it was small. Definitely too small, taking into consideration what you were going to do.
“B/N, get up.”
“I don't want to leave. Don't make me, please,” he begged. He grabbed your hand in his and squeezed it harder than necessary.
“I want you to move out of the way, so we can go into my apartment.”
In no time he was on his feet, standing so close to you that you could feel how his chest was raising and falling with each breath. “You really mean it?”
“Yeah, I do. I can't look at you in this state,” you said, opening the door for both of you. You got inside and headed straight to the bathroom to get two towels. When you came back, B/N was standing in your living room, looking strangely at every empty shelve. You threw one of the towels at him. “Here, dry yourself a bit. I'm gonna look for something for you to wear. Even though it's going to be hard.”
You didn't even notice that he followed you to your bedroom. Only when you turned around with pair of too big sweatpants in hands, you saw him. He was standing at the entrance with hope in his eyes, making your insides burnt.
“Why can't you look at me,” he asked.
“What?”
“You said you can't look at me in this state, why?”
You handed him the pants. “Change into this, and we will talk, okay?” He nodded but didn't move. “B/N, really. You will get sick if you stay in those wet clothes. I promise you, we will talk.”
He smiled. “You don't have any shirt for me, do you?”
“Not really, I will give a blanket or some shit, sorry.” You quickly grabbed something for you to change into and headed to the bathroom, leaving B/N in your room.
You weren't sure what you were doing, your only plan was to invite him to your house and let him warm up a bit. The rest was up to the fate, whatever was about to happen... you were ready to take it. You were scared, yes, but there was no return now.
“Are you okay with black tea,” you yelled, taking two cups from the shelf.
“Yeah,” he answered, and you almost dropped the cups, startled by the proximity of B/N's voice. You turned your head and saw him standing by the table with only sweatpants on. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw his beautiful body again. He was still as perfect as you remembered him. Your cheeks started to burn, so you moved back to your previous position, trying to hide it.
“There's... um- there's a blanket on the sofa. And... well, you can stay there, I will join you in a few minutes.” There was something about that situation that made you weirdly embarrassed. You saw B/N naked already, not only without a shirt, he was at your house before, and yet you were feeling more nervous than ever. Was it because now you were aware of the feelings between the two of you?
With cups in trembling hands you came to the livingroom and sat next to B/N on the sofa. He was wrapped tightly in the blanket, and as soon as you put the cups down, he grabbed one and took small sip of the tea. “Thanks.”
It was awkward. The silence that surrounded you, was suffocating you, but you didn't know what to say. You weren't sure were to start that conversation, but on the other hand, you couldn't sit like this any longer. You were more than uncomfortable.
“So,” B/N started finally. “Can you answer my previous question?”
You glanced at him, gnawing on your bottom lip. “I... well, you looked terribly, and you had wet clothes on. You know, I didn't want you to get sick.”
“That's all?”
“And what else did you expect?”
B/N put his cup down and turned in his place so that he was facing you. His knee was touching your thigh, spreading heat all over your skin. “Can we be... honest with each other, Y/N?”
You tightened your fingers around the mug. Honest? I wish I could be honest. “But that's what I felt like. I was just worried you would get sick.”
“So you were worried about me,” he said, smiling softly.
“That's what you wanted to hear?”
“Yeah.”
It was so weird to see him so relaxed and happy. He acted as if he was completely different person now. It was a nice change, you couldn't deny it, but it would probably be better for both of you, if he was still the same cold man from before.
“Do you...,” he mumbled, looking at your hands, “do you really believe in what you said to me at my office? You know, do you think that what I feel is just my imagination?”
You sighed. “I don't know. I- I'm too confused with all of this. For a long time you acted as if you hated me, and suddenly... suddenly, you started to be nicer and stuff. I didn't expect you to be like this, I didn't expect any change. I heard that you have no feelings... no heart even, that you don't care about people, so your behavior now messes with my head.”
“It's not like you're the only one who's confused. I don't really understand my emotions. I've never felt like this. You know, worrying about someone, wanting to be close to them... it's new to me and I'm not sure what does it mean.”
You glanced at him, he was averting your gaze, too focused on his own hands. He did look extremely disoriented and bothered by this whole situation. He was acting like a small child, learning about new emotions, and trying to understand them. You wanted to tell him what it meant but... there was still part of you that was too terrified of what would come after this. It was better that he didn't realize he was in love with you. Maybe he would never figure this out and when you finally leave, he would forget about you.
But you didn't have the strength to end it yet. For now, even if it was just for few more days, you wanted him around... you wanted to feel loved for the first time in your life.
You placed your hand on his neck and leant towards him. His eyes scanned your face in confusion. “I'm not sure about any of this, B/N, but I can't push you away anymore. You were so depressed for the past few days that I couldn't even look at you. I don't want that.”
He locked his eyes with yours for a second, and then he kissed you.
You wrapped your arms around B/N's neck automatically. You missed him, you missed the touch and warmth of his body on you. It was something you definitely craved more than anything else. His hands squeezed your hips lightly, and he pulled you closer, sitting you on his lap. Your bodies were pressed together, and the only thing separating you from his skin was your thin t-shirt. You wanted to get rid of it, to finally feel him properly.
You moved back a bit, breathing heavily. Your hands were shaking when you grabbed your shirt and took it off. Just as quickly you removed your bra and clung to B/N, throwing your hands around his neck again. Feeling of his hot skin on yours was probably one of the best feelings you've ever experienced. It made your whole body tingle in a really wonderful way, and you were sure you would miss it later on.
B/N's hand slid over your back in a gentle way, and his fingers got tangled in your hair. He pulled you closer and kissed your forehead. “You're so damn beautiful.” Your eyes widened at his words and you tried to hide your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed and scared, but he kept you in place. “Nuh-uh, I want to see your face, kitten. I really missed this view.”
“You saw me every day,” you mumbled.
“Yeah, but not like this,” he said with a smile and kissed you. His lips weren't as persistent as usually. Hell, he was so gentle that it shocked you to the core. His touch was light as a feather, almost as if he was scared he could have hurt you.
His hands traveled down your waist, landing on your hips. He massaged the skin just above where your sweatpants ended, making you shiver in his arms. His mouth left yours, and he put them on your neck, leaving delicate kisses all over it. He wasn't rushing anything. It seemed like he wanted to savor every second of it, to extend it as much as possible.
It felt amazing, yes, but you were too impatient. You missed him more than you've expected. You rolled your hips against him, gaining a low moan from him. His head dropped down on your shoulder and his breath got uneven. He tried to stop you but he didn't have enough strength to do it. He only squeezed your hips tighter and enjoyed your movements. When the hardness of his dick got more prominent, you couldn't take it any longer. You stood up, confusing B/N.
“What...” he started but shut up when you took your pants off. His eyes darkened and he licked his lips. You came back at your previous spot and rolled your hips again. This time moan left your lips.
You wanted him, you wanted him more than ever. Your hand reached into his pants and wrapped around his length, giving it a few slow strokes and collecting precum from its tip. B/N's head flew back in ecstasy. His moans were the only thing you could hear, and you loved it. You loved every little sound that was leaving his lips. You pulled his dick out of the pants and then slowly licked your fingers, looking directly into B/N's eyes. He hardly swallowed at the sight.
You put your lips on his ear, moving your whole body closer to his. His length brushed over your core and you shuddered. “B/N,” you whispered, dragging your tongue on his earlobe, “can you fuck me already?”
He looked at you. His eyes were filled with hunger and something else, something you couldn't really name. He wrapped his arm around your waist and lifted you a bit. “I'm not gonna fuck you this time, kitten.”
“You...” you began, but he lowered you on his dick, shutting you up. Your head hit his chest and your fingers tighten around his bicep. Your mind went blank automatically, the only thing you could have focus on was the feeling of him inside you. That heavenly feeling of his closeness you missed so much.
But there was something different now. It all felt differently. B/N's thrusts were slow and careful, his hand stroked your hair softly, and his lips were pressed to the side of your head. There was no sign of his previous roughness. This time he was handling your body with affection, care and... love. No one ever touched you like this, no one ever was as gentle as him. It felt new, breathtakingly even, filling your heart with emotions so strong that it almost hurt.
You raised your head and locked your eyes with his. He was looking at you as if you were the prettiest woman on the planet, as if you were the only one he ever wanted. Unable to handle all of this, you kissed him.
B/N pushed the hair out of your face, and traced his fingers on your temple. You looked so peacefully like this, your lips were parted lightly and eyelashes cast a delicate shadow on your cheeks. It was the first time he saw you deep in sleep this close, and he loved it. He didn't mind seeing you like this often. Hell, he wished he could do it every day.
He lowered himself and kissed your forehead carefully. “Stay with me, Y/N.”
#nct scenarios#bts scenarios#exo scenarios#seventeen scenarios#monsta x scenarios#angst#smut#romance#nct smut#nct angst#bts smut#bts angst#exo smut#exo angst#bias x reader#optional bias#nct fluff
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Realm of Ash by Tasha Suri
Summary: The fate of an empire rests in the hands of a young woman with magical blood and nothing left to lose, and an outcast prince determined to save his family at any cost, in this "dark, melodious, and memorable" new fantasy (Library Journal, starred review) from the author of the award-winning Empire of Sand.
The Ambhan Empire is crumbling. A terrible war of succession hovers on the horizon. The only hope for peace lies in the mysterious realm of ash, where mortals can find what they seek in the echoes of their ancestors' dreams. But to walk there requires a steep price.
Arwa is determined to make the journey. Widowed by a brutal massacre, she's pledged service to the royal family and will see that pledge through to the end. She never expected to be joined by Zahir, the disgraced, illegitimate prince who has turned to forbidden magic in a desperate bid to save those he loves.
Together, they'll walk the bloody path of their shared past. And it will call into question everything they've ever believed...including whether the Empire is worth saving at all. (Taken from Goodreads)
Our Ratings:
→ Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
→ Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Overall: Realm of Ash is a great follow-up to Empire of Sand, where we follow Arwa who was introduced briefly in Empire of Sand. There is quite a bit of political intrigue in the first half which sets the pacing a bit slow but picks up quickly once the characters go through big revelations. The characters and their motivations draw you in, and overall it was a good read!
~Check out our spoiler Full Review Below
A QUICK SUMMARY:
So, this book picks up twelve years later from where we last visited this world in Empire of Sand. In this book, we are following the story of a once minor character, Mehr’s little sister, Arwa. Arwa has grown and married and been widowed when we meet her again. She is on her way to a widows hermitage where she is to live out the rest of her days in mourning, after losing her husband.
Since the Maha’s death, this world had descended into chaos. The daiva, aka, eternal spirits, aka CHILDREN OF THE GODS, have been wreaking a bit of havoc on the world. If you remember, the Maha was manipulating the dreams of the Gods to favour the kingdom. When he was defeated, those dreams had begun to take their natural course. With dreams come nightmares. And those nightmares have taken form. BUT. The daiva protect their own blood, which is the Amrithi people. Arwa is half Amrithi, but she isn’t sure if the daiva are there to protect or hurt her. In addition, her mother (aka stepmom) raises her believing that Amrithi are cursed and savages, and essentially taught her to hate herself.
In the widow’s hermitage, she meets an influential widow, Gulshera, and realizes she has connections to the imperial family and because Arwa doesn’t care about anything she offers herself up as a tool to the royals. So, Gulshera takes Arwa to serve under Princess Jihan, we’re subjected to court politics and meet Prince Zahir, aka a bastard. Together, Arwa and Zahir work together to find the Maha in the Realm of Ash (essentially a spirit world) so they can unlock a way to save the empire from ruin. Princess Jihan turns around and essentially implies that she sent Arwa to Zahir to ‘PLEASE’ him in an INTIMATE fashion. Arwa doesn’t take it and gets mad but Zahir isn’t here for it and it’s smooth sailing again.
During a trip into the Realm of Ash Arwa realizes the truth behind her Amrithi blood and the Maha’s crimes and shares it with Zahir. They both struggle, Arwa being staunchly anti-empire and Zahir trying to do something to prove his worth to his sister. When the emperor dies, he names Zahir as the Maha’s heir and Jihan’s older brother Prince Akhtar as Emperor. A few murders later, a different Emperor sits on the throne and Zahir has a bounty on his head. Zahir and Arwa use the aid of a secret women’s society Zahir’s mom was a part of to escape to where the Maha was stationed to find the secret to the empire’s success, discovering cursed towns, ghosts from their pasts, and their feelings for one another.
The Good:
→ Zahir
Kae: So ZAHIR! I love him. He is as kind as a kitten. As sweet as an apple pie. But because he is a bastard, he is hidden away in tombs that were converted to be his rooms. There, he does research on how to restore peace and order to the Empire. He knows his days are numbered, being the bastard son of the Emperor, so he is essentially doing research to bargain his own life. Besides that, he genuinely likes learning and spent the majority of his days doing that anyway before he was banished to the tombs to live in secret.
When we first meet Zahir, he is studying by candlelight in his rooms. Arwa finds a bit of power in him not noticing her, and takes the time to watch him for a moment. She thinks he’s handsome with his ‘pretty face’ and sharp, slender form. She’s like “damn he’s kinda hot… but I'm a widow… I’m not allowed to think boys are hot anymore.” But alas, she thinks he handsome. So they assess each other for a moment and agree to be apprentice and teacher.. Zahir gives Arwa poems and books to read that will help her better understand about the Realm of Ash and what he is working on.
Geena: Arwa wears a veil for 90% of the book because such is the way of the widow, so she makes a point to stare at Zahir through her veil because she knows he can’t see her checking him out. And this boy turns around and hands her poetry, the more we learn about the nocturnal prince the more you realize he’s such a Soft Boi™ who loves literature and wants to desperately prove that his life has worth. His mother was killed because she tried to give the Emperor some advice, and the Empire of Ambha drinks the ‘women aren’t shit’ juice so she was labelled a traitor and murdered. Zahir only survives because Princess Jihan loves him, and as a legitimate spoiled princess she has to be pampered. Zahir has the ability to study and work with magic, because his mother was part of a secret women’s society that did so and it was passed onto him, so he’s been tasked with figuring out a way to stop the Empire’s decline ever since the Maha died.
His character made me sad a little bit, because he feels like he should have died with his mother to some extent. And Jihan has led him to believe that his life being worth something depends solely on the fact if he can find the Maha’s spirit and save the empire. He’s treated like trash by everyone else because he’s a bastard and into witchcraft, even Arwa thinks he’s a weirdo in the beginning. But he’s such a kind-hearted soul?? Who btw respects women, when Arwa accuses him of tryna sleep with her, Zahir is like “MA’AM, I RESPECT YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART IDK WHAT SHIT MY SISTERS BEEN DRINKING BUT I WOULD NEVER!” well, he’s less dramatic than that but yea he suggests laying out rules so they don’t cross the apprentice/teacher dynamic. Also, during one trip into the Realm of Ash and Arwa’s veil comes off and she literally snaps at him to not look at her face (bc it is not the widow way) he straight up doesn’t look at her face ever for a good portion of the book after that skfjdf.
Kae: YEH HE JUST LOOKS AT HER HANDS. SOFTIE. I LOVE HIM.
Geena: Hand fetish IM JOKING… BUT SNDKFJDNST THAT’S ALL I COULD IMAGINE.. Arwa was like “Man, my veils off but this boy is still looking at my HANDS”
The Bad:
→ Gulshera and the Royals
Kae: Gulshera! Ohh, she made me mad at the end. But like, I get it, ya know? So Gulshera, our bow-wielding widow, was Princess Jihan’s nursemaid and confidant. So when Gulshera finds out Arwa is Amrithi (because Arwa got caught trying to rid the Hermitage of daiva) she basically goes to Arwa like “You know you gotta get up outta here right? You can’t stay here, shawty.” But she gives Arwa the option of possibly going to the Empire and devoting herself to the Princess and her cause for solving the Empires bad luck. So Arwa goes, meets Zahir, yada yada yada.
Gulshera asks Arwa very vague questions about what she’s doing but doesn’t exactly want to know what Arwa is doing. She just a lil nosey. So after a while, the Emperor dies and the named prince is killed by his brother. Zahir is next and he and Arwa escape. Eventually, they are found in the desert where Gulshera shoots the shit out of Arwa’s shoulder. It’s such a bad blow that Arwa is pretty much bleeding out. I was like, yo what the FUCK GULSHERA.
Geena: YEA LIKE SHE PRETENDS TO BE HER ALLY AND CARE FOR HER BUT TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE “SORRY BABES IMPERIALISM ALWAYS WINS”
Kae: AND THAT’S THE TEA BAYBEEEEEE. IT was such bullshit. But again, I get it. Gulshera is like “It’s either me or you… And I raised the princess so imma do what she says and also I knew her longer soooo…. Bye Arwa. This will haunt me for the rest of my days… but it be like that.”
Geena: Kae covered Gulshera really well! But yea she was a stank old lady in the end, like you’re essentially the reason Arwa is where she is but you’re acting like you had nothing to do with anything. BUT N E WAYS, I’m gonna talk about Princess Jihan a lil bit because she annoyed me too. She was privileged and used Arwa like a ragdoll, actually not even just Arwa but her brother she claimed to love too. Jihan really guilt-tripped the FUCK out of Zahir being all “Did I save you from nothing? Do I deal with other’s scrutiny for nothing? Prove your worth to me brother, prove that I’ve placed my love in the right man” and I was like…… bitch…. She might have been a princess but she was the queen of emotional manipulation. Also, she claimed to be for the women but essentially told Arwa that one of her jobs was to fuck Zahir and like…. Hello….. What is wrong with you.
OH AND ANOTHER THING… when it’s revealed that the Maha used Amrithi people to shape the Empire’s success, and Zahir confronts Jihan about this she’s like “Yea, and?” like she saw no problem in using a group of people and villainizing them in the same breath… Imperialism is a hell of a drug
The Ugly:
→ The Nightmare
Kae: So the Nightmare was truly… A nightmare.
When we first learn about how Arwa became a widow, we learn about an incident that took place at a military base called Darez Fort. Darez Fort is where Arwa stayed with her husband, Kamran. We learn some soldiers come back with what they think is a Daiva, trapped in a little cage/crate thing. When they open it up, it appears to be a childlike creature. But it soon reveals a face of white bone and attacks everyone in the fort. The Nightmare makes the men turn on each other as well and it’s quite literally a blood bath. Everyone is dead. The maids, the cooks, the soldiers, and Kamran. All killed. BUT THERE IS A DAIVA THERE. It’s Arwa’s litter guardian angel. She knows her blood protects her, so in a panic, she makes this big ass cut on her arm and surrounds herself with her blood. The Daiva protects her from the Nightmare and she is the only survivor of Darez Fort.
The Nightmare leaves a sense of fear in Arwa that literally makes her shake. She can kind of sense when it’s near. So on her journey with Zahir and a guards woman named Eshara, they end up at another fort for a rest. Some soldiers are ordered by this mean ass general to stay inside the fort because they aren’t allowed to leave. This is when Arwa gets that chilling sense of fear as she did in Darez Fort. SOME EVIL SHIT IS AFOOT.
Geena: Yesss, the nightmares are like anti-daiva essentially. I really liked their concept and how they factored in with the worldbuilding. What makes them terrifying is that the Maha spent how many centuries fending off nightmares by using Amrithi, but suddenly without him to control how gods dream, nightmares are flooding the empire. Arwa manages to defeat the nightmares by unlocking the memories of her past ancestors from the Realm of Ash and crudely dancing a rite that locks nightmares in cages. Along with Zahir, Arwa figures out that nightmares consider themselves some sort of god and love to be worshipped. Both Zahir and Arwa decide that the empire can rot, and the nightmares can do what they want but they’ll teach anyone with amrithi blood to dance the rite and worship the nightmares to prevent any more massacres like Darez Fort.
→ Maha
Geena: God….. This stankass wrinkly-ass bitchboy really sunk his claws so deep into the Ambhan people that after he died, he was thought to be a martyr. Like 12 years after his death and people still worship him, and mourn his death? Mehr and Amun went through so much to end his reign of terror yet the empire continued to worship him. I’m sure they didn’t have the time or power to go around and spread the truth behind the Maha’s work but good LORD was it grating to read people missing that disgusting man. But thinking back on it, even if Amun and Mehr had exposed him… would people have believed an Amrithi couple that killed their beloved Maha? They probably would’ve killed them instead :(
Though, this was an interesting detail that Tasha Suri included. That, despite the evil being defeated, people will refuse to acknowledge it as evil and continue to point fingers at marginalized people for the problems caused by the evil being.
The Awesome:
→ Arwa and Mehr
Kae: If y’all could see me now, you would see me doing a little dance because BIIIIITCH. I WAS LIVIIIIING SOLELY FOR MEHR AND ARWA TO MEET UP AGAIN. EVERY PAGE I WAS LIKE “is Arwa gonna talk about Mehr? Does she miss her sister?” AND SHE DID SOMETIMES AND I LOVED IT. AND THEN ARWA SAID SHE WAS TOLD HER SISTER HAD DIED AND I WAS LIKE NOOOOO. SHE IS ALIVE, ARWA. SHE IS ALIIIIVE.
So when Arwa was in the Realm of Ash, she had seen Mehr and was SHOOK. Because you can only see dead relatives in the Real of Ash. So she actively avoided Mehr in the Realm because it hurt too much to see her there. It just confirmed that her sister was dead. And even I was confused because I was like “Ummm, Tasha… I know you didn’t kill off my girl after she done went through all that shit.” So I started thinking…. Because in the Realm of Ash, you saw the dead as grey ash. Shadows. But she saw Mehr in colour and full of life. So I had this theory that since Mehr has Amata (Amrithi spiritual magic closer to the ancestors) that she was seeing Mehr in the realm because of how close Mehr’s amata was so the ancestors and daiva.
GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT BITCH? MEEEEEE. I CALLED THAT SHIT. IT’S MY SUPERPOWER. So like, as Arwa is dying from that arrow bitchass GUlshera shot her with, she ventures into the Realm and see’s Mehr again. She calls out to her, and Mehr sees her. She promises to find her.
When Zahir and Arwa escape from his sister’s claws, the daiva take them out into the desert. Mehr eventually finds them and brings them back to her home. When Arwa wakes up, she is greeted by Mehr bandaging her up. They cry and hug. I CRY BECAUSE I’M SO DAMN HAPPY. I LOVE A GOOD REUNION. MEHR LOVED ARWA SO MUCH AND ARWA LOVED MEHR. AND THEY WERE SEPERATED AND HADN’T EVEN KNOWN THE OTHER WAS STILL ALIVE. AND THERE THEY WERE. TOGETHER. AND ALIVE AND HUGGING AND CRYING. It was beautiful. I was like, ugly crying. So thank you, Tasha. Thank you for writing that scene so well because it was happy and emotional and they both deserved to see each other again. It will go down as one of my top 5 reunion scenes.
I’d also like to say, unrelated to Mehr-- That Awra and Zahir did admit their love for each other and kissed. And Zahir was Arwa’s, and Arwa was Zahir’s, though they made it clear that they belonged to no one. They belonged to each other. And their love was so soft and built on mutual respect. They were both very lonely and longed for one another, but never pursued because Arwa didn’t want to break the honour code of the “widows way” or whatever, and Zahir didn’t want to disrespect her. BUT THEIR MINDS. THEY LOVED EACH OTHER. So they both finally gave in. And it was lovely.
Geena: ugghh yess, Arwa and Zahir’s relationship was based on mutual respect and love (just like Mehr and Amun!). In both instances, people forced them together but it was only through their own agency that they fell in love with one another, and support each other wholeheartedly.
ALSO, THE REUNION KSJNFKSJF I had a suspicion that Mehr was alive too based on everything that Kae mentioned too! So, when Mehr says to Arwa that she’ll come for her I sCREAMED!!!! I loved it so much, them crying in each other’s arms… Arwa seeing Mehr’s own kid… LIKE HELLO???
Kae: AND TASH SAID HER AND AMUN COULDN’T HAVE KIDS BECAUSE OF THE RITES SO I WAS SHOOK AND HAPPY AND OMG. literally SCREAMING.
Geena: YEA I REMEMBER THAT, BUT THEN I ALSO REMEMBERED YOUR THEORY! Where the Maha had said that people that danced the rite couldn’t have children because he tried to impregnate amrithi women he enslaved but it didn’t work… and Kae you’d said it was probably because he was shooting dust and YOU WERE RIGHT!!!
Kae: IT’S MY SUPERPOWER. IM TELLING YOU. I CAN GUESS THE SHIT OUT OF SHIT.
Geena: KJDSFNKSDJF I LOVE YOUR SUPERPOWER!!! My only complaint was that we didn’t get a longer scene with Mehr/Amun and Arwa/Zahir bonding :( I wanted mooorreee… other than that it was everything!
Conclusion
Geena: TO CONCLUDE! Tasha Suri didn’t disappoint with this sequel… and it’s so easy to write a shitty sequel but she was like nAH WE’RE NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE. And we loved it! There was a slow start as we read Arwa struggling with her internalized hate, but after she realized that she came from a people who have survived in Ambha in the face of adversity the book sped up real fast. The romance was so soft and wholesome and everything that we want in a relationship, Tasha knows EXACTLY what she’s doing when she’s writing romance. I don’t trust anyone else with a romance this soft, and I cannot wait to read her upcoming series that feature a wlw couple.
Kae: GEENA SAID IT ALL. Tasha knows how to write a romance. I love soft boi’s that will also murder a man for you if need me. LIKE YAAAS HE’S SENSITIVE AND RESPECTS ME AND WILL BEAT SOMEONE'S ASS FOR ME. WE LOVE TO SEE IT. Honestly though, overall, this was such a stunning sequel. Because Geena and I have read some sequels that were…. How to say this nicely… fucking terrible. Tasha is a phenomenal writer and I know her upcoming series will be great too! This book was full of lessons. One being, SELF HATRED IS FUCKING TRASH. SO LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR RICH BACKGROUND. BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU COMF FROM SOMETIMES, AND YOU JUST GOTTA SAY FUCK ‘EM AND KEEP IT MOVING.
Geena: JKSNFKJSNDSKJF YAAAS, ALSO IK IT WAS BRIEF BUT LIKE DAMN… TASHA REALLY WENT HARD WITH THE AMRITHI IN THIS BOOK AND HOOBOY… Like the insights into past ancestors? And the fact that there are so many mixed Amrithi people that have been forced to hide their heritage… once again… I M P E R I A L I S M and G E N O C I D E… this series covered it pretty well… PLEASE READ AND SUPPORT TASHA
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Review: THE WITCHER (2007)
With the recent popularity of The Witcher across mass media thanks to the Netflix series starring Henry Cavill and his arms, I finally began what I consider an epic quest to play through all three of the Witcher games and their DLC. This is, by no means, a small task, but you know I might as well sacrifice myself in the name of entertainment. So I began to play The Witcher: Enhanced Edition, a PC game released in 2007 based on the books of the same name written by Polish author Andrzej Sapkowski. Now that I’ve beaten it I have quite a few things to say about it. But, first thing’s first, and that is easily the most obvious aspect of this game:
It has not aged well. Not at all.
To begin with, the graphics of the game are very 2007. A product of seventh generation graphical technology to be sure, it doesn’t help that it’s running on BioWare’s Aurora engine, which was notoriously difficult to use outside BioWare’s own house. There’s all kinds of graphical glitches, people pass through objects, character models and textures are fuzzy and sometimes plasticine, facial animations are sometimes downright frightening. There’s also the fact that the game reuses the same character model for multiple characters, both important and unimportant, leading me to confusion sometimes as I swore I just saw that goddamn priest I just killed wandering around the city. Except now there’s two of him. And all the merchants look the same, too! This being the enhanced edition there’s a number of upgrades and clarity that’s been added in to the experience, but it’s still dated for better or worse. What has aged well is the use of impressionistic paintings for the purpose of certain cutscenes, adding an extra dose of epic quality to some of the goings-ons. This also includes more “intimate endeavors” Geralt can engage in. Long story short, there’s a lot of women in this game who are willing to throw themselves at Geralt, and if you play the cards right you can get down to business pretty quickly. Sometimes too quickly; one time I brought a woman a loaf of bread and she had sex with Geralt. It was confusing and out of left field. But each encounter comes with a brief piece of tasteful nude artwork of the lady in question as blurred models bump and grind in the background. And, to be completely honest, the artwork is really well done. Although it is very jarring to play a game where sex workers are clearly labeled “whores” and “hookers,” most of the women have a good amount of agency in the proceedings, particularly the two primary romance options, Triss and Shani. Geralt can actually romance these two women to the point of committed relationship, which is refreshing to see that sex is not just a reward for “romancing” a character in a game, but something the characters enjoy, while the romance comes from genuinely caring about someone.
Despite the graphical despondency, main characters fare slightly better, as anyone who needs to be easily recognizable is, and are crafted with much more detail and fine tuning than regular NPCs. While this is fine, sometimes finding these characters is a chore and a half. The Witcher has a day/night cycle, and characters follow this, but when my map is telling me I need to be in one place to meet up with someone, I can’t count that they will actually be there depending on the time of day. And I can’t artificially move the time of day forward unless I have a campfire to meditate at. Meditation is an interesting mechanic, btw, as it basically acts as Geralt “sleeping” and also functions as your chance to level up and distribute talents. On paper, I’m okay with that. In reality, campfires and places to sleep are few and far between, unless you’re close to an inn or someone who doesn’t mind you crashing at their place. And oftentimes you’re running back and forth in linear paths across deceptively open areas, back and forth and back and forth in what can only best be described as tedium when you’ll approach the quest marker on your map, only to find no one there, and need to hoof it back to a fireplace to change the time again. This can also lead to extra consternation if the game crashes, which it did a handful of times during my fifty hours of gametime. Save often.
And, finally, there’s the combat. For better or worse, it’s an exercise in clicking on people to attack them, then clicking again at the right time when your icon changes in order to string together combos. That’s fine. Combat is also divided into three styles between two swords: strong, fast, and group style, with steel blade and silver blade. Strong and fast styles speak for themselves; group style is for when you’re surrounded and need to attack everyone around you. Steel blade is for humans, silver blade for monsters. Sounds simple right? It is -- too simple. Clicking on people is as easy as that, with little interaction otherwise. Sure, you have to figure out which style to use on which enemies, and you can couple in Signs (magic spells) to make your life easier, but repeatedly clicking on people to whack away is bland at best, frustrating at worst. Later on when you can level up your sword styles to include more powerful/deadly moves it becomes more challenging, but even then it remains a strange exercise in an odd hybrid of real time/tactical combat. Finding oneself surrounded can lead to death quickly, so if you’re not paying attention, you can go from overpowered madman to witcher meat in seconds. Literally seconds: enemies I would have no problem with one-on-one, or even two-on-one, suddenly escalate to an unstoppable force the moment that three or more come in for an attack. The game has a way of forcing Geralt into combat situations without warning as well, making it easy to be thoroughly unprepared for a deadly gangbang around a corner and a cutscene. The game also doesn’t have much of an autosave system, meaning that if you haven’t been hitting that quicksave button very often, there’s a deep chance you could get your ass handed to you and reload a ways back from where you were. Easily the biggest frustration for me in terms of playing the game. Enemies will stack status effects to clobber you; Geralt will attack and get hit; sometimes you can stagger enemies and one-hit kill them, but enemies can still attack while Geralt goes through the slow kill animation. I don’t know how many times I cursed the game in anguish as I was forced to reload yet again after a fourth monster swept in out of nowhere, or the one monster I was fighting decided to get in a Stun attack, then proceed to own my ass. Pausing the game at any time using the space bar can help to get bearings, but you can’t execute commands while paused. Saving in combat isn’t allowed either, so if a big fight starts and you realize you haven’t saved in a while, you’re screwed. Couple this frustration with the intensely boring act of clicking on monsters over and over again to fight them, and here we have the biggest weakness of the whole product.
That being said -- is the game worth playing in 2020? Despite being 13 years of age and regarded as the least accessible game in the franchise, what it brings to the table is a surprisingly effective storyline that involves subject matter which is shockingly relevant. Racial tension. Class war. Plague. Quarantine. Riots. Gray morals. Strange creatures. Frustration. Difficulty spikes. Blurred lines between human and monster. If that sounds hauntingly familiar, it’s probably because that sums up the first half of the year 2020. To say that I was expecting a 13-year-old game to reflect the state of current events would be a massive lie; in fact, at the outset of the game, I was struggling to maintain interest at all. However, as time goes, the story and the choices made are what end up being the game’s biggest strength, and ultimately its salvation.
The story opens up simply enough: Geralt of Rivia, our titular witcher, has been found in a near-death state and nursed back to health by his fellow witchers and former lover, the sorceress Triss Merigold. Coming back from the dead has cost him his memories, however, and the amnesiac Geralt is quickly plunged into conflict as a group of mercenaries called Salamandra attack the witchers’s base to steal the secrets of their mutations. Swords clash, magic flies back and forth, and Geralt is tasked with giving chase in order to retrieve the mutagenic formulae so they can’t be used for harm.
A great conceit in this is that Geralt having no memory of his past allows anyone unfamiliar with the world to gently ease in and learn about the world as he does. The game is set after the events of the books, so this gives an added bonus to readers already knowledgable of events. And as the player learns more about Geralt and his world, a variety of choices come into play. Most RPGs have this option to allow player freedom in telling a story, but unforseen consequences follow every decision; whether they come into play immediately or further down the road remains to be seen, but there’s a ripple effect that goes above and beyond the usual Choose Your Own Adventure details which essentially craft your character into a good guy or a bad guy. What’s brilliant about this is that the game never hints at this; it isn’t until the game breaks away into a cutscene with monologue does Geralt realize how his choices crafted this specific moment. For example, in the Salamandra attack, Geralt can choose to fight off a horrific monster or help Triss defend the witcher laboratory. Depending on that choice, some characters may live or die, and the game will let you know that when it wants to....usually to hammer home a point.
What works to this being the strength of the game even further is the deep narrative, which is often times complex to the point of frustration. But the story develops at a natural pace, and never presents any choice as being right or wrong, black or white, good or bad. The main gist is that the human city of Vizima is under quarantine, fighting off a vicious plague, but also defending itself from the rise of nonhuman freedom fighters comprised of elves and dwarves. The city is divided on this, particularly in class division, with any nonhuman residents living in the slum quarter, while the affluent humans live exclusively in the market quarter. There are humans in the slums too, make no mistake, but it’s very apparent who is allowed to live where. However, the game makes no stance on this whatsoever; Geralt is presented with a series of choices based on the information at hand, and as the game goes on, comes closer and closer to choosing a side between the freedom fighters or the humans as tensions comes to a head with violence. Every action has a consequence, positive or negative, but also depending on who the consequences affect. Questions of moral arise; what truly defines a monster? Is it appearance, or is it action? It’s difficult to really spell it out further without diving into spoilers, as the story should be experienced first hand without any warning. That being said, it’s refreshing to play through a game in which the character is clearly defined as being the hero, but then forces the player to ask if their actions are truly heroic or actually damaging in the quest to destroy the greater evil.
In closing, The Witcher is a mixed bag. Narratively, it’s a stellar effort that swings for the fences and sticks the landing. From a gameplay perspective, it’s a dated game that’s sometimes a chore to play through, even to the point of dire frustration. But it’s one that I can cautiously recommend. While it certainly took me six or so hours to finally believe that I had the hang of it -- I didn’t -- struggling through the first quarter of the game can yield beautiful results, especially once it rolls into the final, jaw-dropping conclusion. What I will say is that it really beats you over the head with your choices, even the ones you didn’t know you were making, and holds up a mirror to ask if your decisions were really for the greater good or not. Outstanding work in that regard. I’m looking forward to playing The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings now that I’ve beaten this, and someday I’ll even come back to see the paths I could have taken. Just with tempered expectations this time around.
Final score: 7/10
#the witcher#the witcher enhanced edition#cd projekt red#geralt of rivia#pc game#andrzej sapkowski#henry cavill#netflix#bioware#review#ckburch#rubyranger#ranger report
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I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD. If this bothers you then this isn’t your cup of tea to read. It will be brutal. It will be honest. It will be graphic.
I had my symptoms almost completely under control for years. I have wonderful kids and a supportive husband. For some reason a switch flipped in my brain. I no longer had my hands on the wheel no brakes to stop it. The nightmares, flashbacks, bouts of depression, never ending anxiety, and more were returning full force. It’s not like they ever went away, they were just not as big of a demon it is now. It actually got bad enough that I voluntarily committed myself to a mental health care facility.
Despite that help I only got worse. Self harming started with scratches, then deep wounds, until I was using blunt objects until I bruised. Any kind of physical pain somehow made the monster in my head weaker. During that time I also became increasingly suicidal. I began to miss work because I was just clutched so tightly within the jaws of mental horror. Obviously my husband began to stay home with me to ensure my safety.
This was making our financial situation harder and my mental health worsened with it. Like a sick joke one led to the other led to the other until I was unable to get out of bed most days of the week. When we lost Medicaid and were unable to afford insurance that also made a huge impact on my well being. We couldn’t afford for me to see a therapist, go to the doctor, or get my medication. We had to limit these things that are a very crucial part of my past, present, and future.
We did what we could to get my medication and do minimal visits to the doctor. We couldn’t afford a therapist, so that got neglected. I needed all of it, though. My quality of life suffered as did my family’s. The days missed from work piled up between the two of us. All because of this strong inescapable force that is a part of my every waking and sleeping moment.
Before I go further, yes, I know being absent a lot is reasonable terms for termination. But where do you draw the line? Where does understanding come into play? Where is your compassion, Walmart?
Things were looking up for a brief time. My loyal online friends helped make sure that my kids still got a Christmas despite our hardships. I was so moved that I felt like things could get better. Wrong.
A week before Christmas and all through the store Walmart decided we were too much of a chore. Both my husband and I were fired. On the same day. A WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS! I became numb at first thinking that surely there was something we could do. We were both loyal employees and did our jobs well. So my husband and I decided to speak with the store manager about our options.
She was the most cold, robotic human being I have ever met. She sounded completely scripted and devoid of any soul as she went through the reasons we couldn’t keep out jobs. We sat and watched her as if she was giving a power point presentation and how horrible we were as employees.
I started hypo ventilating and crying in front of her. With that same robotic practiced voice she asked if I wanted her to call for an ambulance. My chest got tighter. She then asked in a monotone if she needed to call a doctor. My husband had to lead me out of the store as my breath became almost impossible to catch.
Still crying when we got home I suddenly felt that overwhelming urge that I’ve had so many times before. This time, though, I knew it was the day. I was going to do it. I had a point where I wasn’t able to provide for my family, we could become homeless, starve, and worse. The monster finally snapped it’s jaws shut with a final nudge from that conversation.
I waited until my husband fell asleep. We were both stressed enough that we had a couple of drinks. With a belly full of vodka I climbed up the stairs to my bedroom. I gathered every single pill bottle I could find, vitamins included, and choked all of them down. All there was to do now was get in bed, fall asleep, and wait.
I woke up blind, scared, weak, and confused. The ground felt like a sea of tiny legos that I sank into the more I struggled. I felt no pain, but I could hear my husband yelling at me to get into bed. I had fallen at some point, but try as I might I couldn’t claw my way up. He dragged me into the hallway and redressed me. I have no memory of having ever removed them, so it almost felt as though I was being stuffed into a body bag. His voice sounded so far away as he called 911. The darkness pulled me in and wouldn’t let me go.
In the ambulance I screamed as if possessed for water. I felt like I had gone for weeks without hydration. The more I was denied, the more I howled and pleaded. I begged as they strapped my hands down so I couldn’t fight for a single drop anymore. I finally began to figure out some hazy figures. To my left was for sure my husband, holding my hand and crying. To my right were a bunch of people I didn’t know. Still immobilized I screamed! Water! Please give me some water! All I heard were echoes that I couldn’t have any.
As time went on I began to feel as though my husband was drifting away from me as these people surrounded me and mocked me. I thought they were telling me to sit up, so I kept trying. They held a straw to my mouth just out of reach. It was too dark to see and they kept playing a game of “keep away” with the straw. I remember writhing and shrieking because of the feeling that I would never be able to taste water ever again. Just as hope was waning I saw my little brother. Impossible, I thought, he lives clear across the country. With him taking my hand my body stilled and my consciousness slipped.
When I once again came to I was still out of it, desperately thirsty, and strapped down. Never have I wanted to escape so much. My memory isn’t clear from here, but I’m sure that I managed to work one of my hands out of the restraint before intervention occurred. I was medicated to calm me down and sled back into a sort of unaware purgatory.
Upon waking again I was more level headed. I was told that my husband found me naked, convulsing, and trashing around in an effort to get back into bed .I had stitches in my head, bruises over pretty much 40% of my body, broken toe nails and finger nails, scrapes, and a deep wound behind my ear. My bedroom is quite small, so the amount of movement and strength I was putting into everything caused quite a lot of damage. For the next few days my vision went from triple, to double, then blurry before coming back to normal. I spent that time learning how to walk again so that I could simply walk to the toilet. Unable to do so I was humiliated by the necessity of a bed pan.
Where is this silver lining of all of this? What does this have to do with Walmart? I’ll start with the good things I have taken away from this whole disaster. I found help. I found people. I found love. I found the resources I desperately needed but did not know existed. I could finally get back on the road of recovery, no longer a snack for the jaws of depression. I met so many kind and generous people. I was visited by a Chaplain who lent an ear and offered me a gift card to a grocery store so I could feed my family. A local women’s charity group brought two boxes of food and intend to bring gifts and coats for my kids as well. Once again my online friends came to my rescue. For the first time in almost a year I feel good for a change.
As for Walmart’s part in my sad adventure? Their lack of empathy and sheer disregard for an employee in pain. They talk real big about family and caring about their employees. That is a lie, as my family learned. It was the last lie that I just couldn’t stand. The reason that I am sharing this is because I know I am not alone, my husband isn’t alone either. We are both victims in retail hell. Yes, again, we called off so much that we did have it reasonably coming to us. What I’m upset about is that no one asked why I was missing so much work. They didn’t even ask if I was okay or how to help. Instead the grinches decided to fire us the week before Christmas.
Everyday there is an employee out there hanging on by a thread in any retail store, but I am speaking about my experience with Walmart. They are more than willing to snip those scissors over that thread you’re clinging to. Walmart, like so many other corporations, does not care. It’s that simple. We are not people to them, we’re not even machines. We may as well be the crap they scrape off the bottom of their shoes.
Merry Christmas, Walmart! Thank you for nearly killing me with that good old fashioned Sam Walton pride. My name is Heather and I tried committing suicide on December 18th, 2018 after a very cruel discussion with the store manager of Walmart store 802. I know that I am not alone with this event. I didn’t want to learn that I am not alone through this method, so I implore you. Do not let your job be that last straw when it comes to your mental well being. Cling to that straw. I just barely clung and I’m lucky to have survived. I am here to tell you that it is not worth it. You are cared for by a lot of people, more than you’ll ever know. -Abby
Yes, I know I full on just posted the store name and number. But they have really really REALLY deserve this one. -Abby
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Apricate
; Hoseok x Reader
; Genre: Fluff, smut
; Word Count: 13.2k
; Warnings: Oral sex (receiving), penetrative sex, dubious use of a champagne bottle
; Synopsis: A summer vacation in the Mediterranean is the idea of heaven for many people. Sun, sand and azure sea as far as the eye can see. But what happens when a chance encounter results in you basking in a very different kind of sun?
; A/N: Major thanks to @yminie for the beautiful moodboard ;-; but seriously...how could I NOT write a summer vacation fic for Hoseok with that pic??
-
For hundreds upon hundreds of years, the Mediterranean has been at the centre of trade and life for those living around its warm, azure waters. From the Egyptians who had worshipped their gods of the deserts to the Greeks who had prayed for their sea god to give them calm seas for travel.
Underneath the cerulean waves lay the remnants of cultures that had risen and died, from the Romans to the Phoenicians and more. The rise of empires, the fall of civilisations, the wars that humanity had wreaked upon itself over millennia; the Mediterranean had borne witness to many things.
And now, it was bearing witness to your excited ramblings to your best friend through a smartphone. The tiny device was pointed at your face, giving you a perfect view of her exasperated expression while you happily spun around, giving her a front seat view of the spectacular and awe-inspiring sight of the Greek island of Santorini.
You’d spent the past hour slowly climbing the, frankly ridiculous, number of stairs that had been carved into the island a long time ago. There had been the option to take a donkey, but you’d felt that you couldn’t possibly use a donkey without feeling guilty.
It was 34 degrees right now and looking at the poor things made you want to wrap your arms around them and lead them into some shade. So instead, you’d clambered up the steps by yourself and had spent five minutes practically lying on the floor while feeling like you were dying.
You were in shape, but there’s being in shape and then there’s climbing that amount of tall stairs in shape. Why were they so big?! Wasn’t it bad enough that most of the tiny streets were so high given the rugged landscape that had been caused by a volcanic eruption millennia ago?
Any other complaints you’d thought about having though, had vanished completely when you’d finally stood up and walked along the top for a little. The view was truly stunning, and took your breath away. How did people live in places like this?!
White-washed buildings gleamed along the side of the island where they clung onto the land like stone spiders, desperately defying gravity while the occasional blue dome topped a building here and there. Jagged rocks led down to the ocean, which was gently lapping along the edge to produce white froth that topped the crystal clear waters, leading out to a deep blue that sparkled in the sunlight.
For a moment, you’d simply rested your elbows against the white wall that protected people from falling down the edge and watched the world drift by. It was almost easy to imagine yourself thousands of years ago, to try and imagine how the Greeks had lived during the time of influential people such as Socrates, Aristotle and more.
Five minutes of admiring the scenery had left you wanting to share what you were seeing, and so you had produced your phone from the small bag that was looped over your shoulder. A few Instagram photos later, because you might be fantasising about ancient cultures but you did live in the 21st century, and you had been calling your best friend, mindful of the fact you were probably going to be hit with a huge phone bill later.
But she had to experience this!
Lisa had answered your call grumpily, informing you that it was too early in the morning to be on the phone to you. Despite the fact that you were showing her one of the most beautiful sights you had ever been witness to.
If anything, she should be used to it by now. You’d saved up all your vacation leave and had taken it all at once, blowing through your meagre savings to take you on a trip through the countries that surrounded the Mediterranean.
A degree that had majored in Ancient History and minored in the Classical Studies meant that you had a vested interest in the ancient cultures that had proliferated along these venerable shores. It was just good fortune that the museum you worked in had been enthusiastic about you taking a whole month off to explore the very countries where their most popular artifacts came from.
In fact, your manager had made you promise to make note of any interesting facts that you may learn from the native tour guides. An interactive exhibition was being planned for children, with your photographs being used alongside 3D images of the artifacts. Honestly, they should be paying you for this.
Your month long trip had taken you from the awe-inspiring pyramids of Egypt, to the shores of splendid Turkey, to the island of Malta, to the historied cities of Italy before finally landing upon Greece. A few days had been spent in Athens before you decided to head out to Crete, the largest island in Greece and discover the Minoan palace and other treasures there.
A day trip to Santorini is how you’d found yourself currently gushing about the wonderful landscape around you, though you were glad that you had chosen Crete as your base for the final part of the trip. You weren’t sure you could handle all the hills all the time!
“You’re coming home in a few days right?” Lisa queried once you finally brought the screen back to your face. Resting against the wall once more, you held the phone out in front of your face and nodded, letting your head tip back to take in the blinding sun.
“Yep, four more days and then it’s back home. I am going to have the worst case of holiday blues, I swear.” You groan deeply, though Lisa laughs through the tinny speaker at your misery. Her eyes are puffy from sleep and you smile in fondness, noting how young she looks when she’s just woken up.
“Oh, my heart bleeds for you as you stand there in Greece. Make sure to bring back some good stuff from there okay?” She says and you laugh, spinning around so that you face the stairs once more and sigh deeply.
Heading over, your sandals slapping against the worn stones in the quietness of the day, you acknowledge her request with a salute. Figuring that you may as well get some use out of the ridiculously expensive video call you’re making, you go to ask her how life is with Taehyung now that they’ve moved together.
Only she makes an intrigued gasp and you watch as suddenly your screen is filled with her nose and upper lip. “What are you doing you freak? I don’t want to see your nose hairs!” You squeal, moving the phone even further away while looking in disgust.
“Who...is that hottie behind you? In the yellow shirt?” She asks, completely disregarding your comments. You pause and slowly turn around, eyes scanning over the small group of tourists who had boarded the boat with you in Crete. Most of them were from the same tour group as you, all being picked up at the same point in the town you were staying in.
Subtly looking over everyone, you note that the majority of yellow wearers are women and frown, wondering if perhaps she didn’t see it properly. Only then suddenly, a pale yellow the colour of a spring chick comes into your vision and your own brows raise.
The shirt is a button up, looking light and comfortable with the top few buttons undone to reveal an expanse of smooth, golden skin. His sleeves have been rolled up and reveal equally toned arms that practically glow in the sunlight, while the sun makes his black hair shine beautifully.
Comfortable, white trousers adorn his lower half and you wonder half heartedly if they’re linen - truly the perfect fabric for heat like this. He looks bright and colourful, every inch the tourist yet with a sense of exquisiteness that marks him as different from your regular tourists.
He turns slightly to look out at the sea and you swallow. High cheekbones sit beneath softly rounded cheeks, while his jawline is as sharp as the rocks that meet the sea down below. An aquiline nose slopes down before turning up ever so slightly at the end, making the perfect resting place for the Chanel sunglasses that cover his eyes.
For a moment, he looks utterly unattainable until a young girl says something in front of him to cause him to smile. And that is when you truly lose your breath, for it’s like the sun itself has come to life in front of you.
It’s the only explanation for the way his face practically lights up from within as he smiles, the movement taking up his face and revealing perfectly straight teeth while his lips become an endearing heart.
How have you missed this man on your walks?
He looks utterly at ease with himself, his hands pushed into his pockets and an expensive looking watch resting on his left wrist lazily. Not a damp spot can be seen on his summer-island clothing, and it makes you flush with embarrassment as you realise that your pink vest top is currently red in certain areas from the sweat of the walk up.
And that’s to not even mention the amount of boob sweat you have going on, or thigh sweat. Or, perhaps even more humiliatingly, butt sweat. In fact, you’re glad that you’re wearing pale denim shorts today, otherwise you’d have a rather lovely sweat patch along your ass crack if you had chosen linen like him.
“I don’t know...I think he’s part of my tour group.” You murmur, vaguely aware that Lisa is still on the line with you. It’s only when she lets out a laugh of amusement that you refocus back on her, blinking a few times to regain focus until she finally comes back into your vision.
“Wow. You look taken by him. He looks pretty hot. Maybe you should see about a holiday fling?” She says, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively until your cheeks flush with blood once more. Spinning around, you turn away from him and begin to make your way back down the stairs.
“Don’t be stupid! Did you not see him? He looks way out of my league! I mean, the man isn’t even sweating. He’s wearing Chanel sunglasses so god knows how much the rest of his outfit costs. That is a man, out of my league.” You hiss at her, wobbling slightly as you take a wrong step and almost go falling down the whole lot of stairs.
That would be painful. And humiliating.
She simply huffs and watches you with a smile, one brow quirked while her chin rests in her hand. You know that look. You’ve spent years watching that look as she ropes you into some dumb thing. It’s the look she wore before she got Taehyung, and he can be a grade A idiot sometimes.
Okay, so he’s sweet. But still!
“You could at least try! I mean...if he’s in your group then you’ve got the boat ride back...and then the coach ride back. You could try. You don’t need to be in his income bracket to enjoy good dick.” Lisa says crudely and you groan loudly, rolling your eyes as you wave your phone around and hope she gets motion sickness or something.
“Shut up.” You hiss at her, glancing around paranoid and relieved that there’s no other tourists around. Greece’s islands were full of British and German tourists you’d noted, and the German’s appeared to have exceptional English skills. It really wasn’t in your daily itinerary to accidentally become someone’s holiday story as ‘that thirsty American girl who was talking about holiday dick on the phone’.
The heat was excruciating with the minimal wind that was coming off the sea, and even though you were going down the stairs and not up, you could still feel the sweat slowly dripping down your back and between your breasts. Did guys get this issue?
“I am not going to ask the outrageously handsome man if he wants to sleep with me tonight. He could have anything! He might not even speak English! Have you even thought of that?” At the other end of the phone, all the way back in New York, you watch as Lisa rolls her eyes and fakes a yawn, tapping her hand over her mouth.
“You don’t need to speak English to get dick. I’m pretty sure he’ll know the word for sex. If not, you could always try…” She trails off before resting the phone on something and simulating sex, pushing a finger through another circled finger. Practically screaming, you have a small tantrum on the steps before pointing at her.
“You’re terrible, you know that? Why am I friends with you? You’re like...half a world away and you’re still pressuring me into sex!” You groan, rubbing the back of your hand over your forehead to get rid of the perspiration there. She laughs loudly, the sound tinkling through the tiny speakers and you can’t help but smile at the sound. Okay, so she’s an ass but you still love her.
“I’m trying to get you laid. You like sex. You like hot men. You’re loving Greece. Why not have sex with a hot man in Greece? A three-in-one!” Hissing through clenched teeth, you stop and take a deep breath, closing your eyes while you take in the hot air. Honestly, it’s not so fortifying when the air feels hotter than your lungs.
“Goodbye Lisa. I will text you later, send you pics. I’ll make sure to buy you some yummy Greek treats and you’re also getting one of those wooden dick keyrings they sell all over the place.” You give her a saccharine smile, waving fingers as she sputters about wooden dicks.
Ending the call, you let out the breath slowly and feel your shoulders practically fall to the floor. She’s right. You do like sex, and you haven’t had any for what? Six months now? Any longer and your damn hymen would grow back and you’d gain second virginity.
But a holiday romance was too...cliché. Imagine going home with that story! And what if you got pregnant?! It’s a Mills and Boon story come to life. Shaking your head, you continue on down the stairs and resolve to take in the view once more to centre yourself.
He was hot, sure. But you’re probably never going to see him again once you both get off the tour bus. And that’s more than enough reason to keep any sexual thoughts to yourself.
Yes, you won’t be getting his dick tonight. But there’s nothing against imagining his dick when you’re in the quiet, darkness of your room later.
-
The trip back to your hotel had been awkward for you, given that you were now almost supernaturally aware of Hot Man’s presence. In fact, it was almost to the point that you wondered how the hell you’d never noticed him before.
An extra wary eye had allowed you to spot his pastel yellow shirt situated towards the back of the boat, stood watching the wake that the vessel created as it cut through the deep blue waters. Immediately, you’d taken a seat towards the bow of the boat instead.
You know, just in case he suddenly developed telepathy and caught wind of the inappropriate thoughts that were running through your mind. Like whether it was possible to have sex on a boat this crowded in the middle of the Aegean Sea.
Instead, you’d rested an arm against the side and watched quietly as the great expanse of ocean passed by under your watchful gaze. It still blew your mind to imagine that people millennia ago would undertake the same journey as you, only their ships were made of wood and relied on the wind or pure manpower.
As you’d inhaled deeply and took in the pleasing scent of salt soaked ocean, you hadn’t been able to help but smile slightly at the cooling wind that had whipped through your clothes as the ferry sped back towards Crete. How wonderful it would be, to simply live on the ocean like this. Not a care in the world.
Implausible obviously, but still. Your meandering thoughts could have perhaps be blamed on the ever beating sun that shone mercilessly in the sky. There was no wonder that the Greek islands often looked almost barren of green plant life, and yet you knew there to be many forms of life that had not only endured but evolved.
You’d spent the rest of the trip back having silly thoughts like that, letting yourself fancifully imagine what it would have been like to live during the age of Greek gods and so forth. Honestly, it’s a wonder you’d managed to make it through your holiday without getting stuck somewhere because of your flyaway thoughts.
The ride back to your town had left you with your heart in your throat as Hot Man had casually gotten onto the coach as well. You’d chosen a seat close to the front, but the seat next to you was free and you’d barely even taken a breath until he’d walked past, heading further to the back.
You’d gotten off the coach before him however, so you weren’t entirely sure where he was staying in the small Cretan town you’d pick as your final destination. The sigh you’d let out was ambiguous, and you were not entirely sure if it’s because of relief or sadness.
The next three days were spent exploring the town you were staying in, along with a few of the nearby towns and enjoying the delicious food and warm friendliness of the Greeks who inhabited this small piece of heaven.
There had been more than a few hours spent lazing on the beaches that dotted the mountainous island, admiring the sapphire waves as they hugged the shore lovingly. Numerous souvenirs had been bought for friends and family, from cute pewter keyrings with tiny blue glass beads featuring the painted eye that was so common to boxes of loukoumi for those who have a sweet tooth.
You’d spent plenty of time in the various cafes and bars dotted along the seafront and watched with a mixed sense of awe and discomfort as coach drivers swung their huge beasts of burden down tiny streets that had been designed for carts, not buses. The inches that separated a wall from the coach often left you cringing, and yet they didn’t seem to care at all.
Greeks carried on with their lives as you watched, going to work or eating out at a few of the restaurants because while you were enjoying the island as a holiday, for them it was simply their home. Lyrical words were spoken at a fast pace between friends and family, almost musical when they really got going, and yet always filled with a passion that seemed to show on their faces as well.
Your own Greek was not very good, not nearly as good as your Italian, with just a handful of important words mastered such as please and thank you. Your knowledge of the Greek alphabet was almost redundant as well, with signs often being bilingual in English, and many time multilingual with German and Russian too.
Yet you still enjoyed the pleased smiles you got when you stuttered out a ‘kalispera’ in the evening or ‘kalimera’ in the morning. The words always felt so pretty to say though, and even if you got it wrong they still gave encouraging smiles that meant you felt okay trying again later.
Something that you had most definitely noticed, with a growing sense of awareness that left you feeling you’d gained some bizarre sixth sense, was Hot Man venturing along the same streets that you did. You never actively noticed him - it was more like you’d catch a glimpse of a smartly dressed man out of the corner of your eye and quickly glance over.
He seemed to have a penchant for light coloured clothing that looked comfortable and not too hot. Two days ago, you’d seen him wearing tan coloured linen shorts that came to his knees and a pale green t-shirt, whereas yesterday he’d been wearing a tan and baby pink version of his Santorini outfit.
Not that you’d been overly paying attention to his wardrobe or anything.
It had become very obvious that he was in fact, an expensive man as his clothing was subtle yet practically reeked of money. Not to mention his every changing roster of designer sunglasses that sat primly on the bridge of his nose.
Despite this, he was beyond friendly and seemed to get on with whoever he was talking to, despite any language barriers. His deep voice, so pleasing to listen to, had travelled to you a few times along the gentle sea breeze and you’d been satisfied to discover that he spoke English too.
Not that you’d been hoping he did or anything.
Still, you’d enjoyed subtly watching him as he walked along the old, charming streets of the Cretan town. It was nice to see someone enjoying the atmosphere of the place as much as you were, and not simply looking for the next alcoholic drink.
Unfortunately however, tomorrow was your last day and you’d no longer get to sip fresh apple juice while gazing out over the oil smooth sea, or wake up on fresh sheets to blissfully warm sun peeking its way through the glass door. Nor would you get to peek upon your Hot Man and fantasise.
Each country you’d visited had seen you carefully counting your money, only splurging on the last day at a fancy restaurant in each location. Today was finally the turn of Greece, and you’d decided on a small place that overlooked the ocean, figuring that you’d enjoy the delicious food while observing the awe inspiring sight of the sun slowly dipping below the waves.
Which is where you found yourself now, sat on a wicker chair with a basket of small, delicious rolls of bread in front of you and a bowl of salty olives to snack on. You’d decided to finish your trip with a meal consisting of your favourite food that you’d discovered in Crete.
A plate of dakos was sat on the table. The crispbread, olive oil, creamy cheese and ripe tomatoes was an explosion of taste in your mouth and the perfect starter to put you on until your lamb souvlaki arrived later.
You were preoccupied with daydreaming as you slowly ate, watching the beautiful scenery in front of you, the sky slowly painting itself vivid yellows, soft pinks and warm oranges as the sun slowly began to make its way down to the sea.
As such, you didn’t notice the presence that appeared at your side, nor the way he watched for a few moments, amused. A low cough, clearing his throat quietly enough to not be obnoxious to other diners but enough to catch your attention, caused you to look away from the sea. Eyes widening at the sight in front of you, you sat up straighter and wiped at your mouth, hoping there was no embarrassing food on your mouth.
Or down the white sundress you’d opted to wear for your final night. He let out a soft laugh, the sound causing that heart stopping smile to break across his face and make tiny butterflies flutter in your stomach.
“Hi, sorry to interrupt. Erm...I was just wondering if...maybe you’d be okay if I ate with you? I was over there but...the view’s better here.” White teeth flash at you, his strange mix of hesitation and confidence causing you to frown slightly. “I mean, if you don’t want to then it’s fine. It’s just...it’s my last night here and...well I wouldn’t mind being in the company of a pretty woman and a beautiful sunset.”
His words almost cause you to choke and you splutter, one hand covering your mouth while your other gestures towards the chair opposite you. He sits down slowly, looking like a dream come to life. Today, he’s gone for all white. A white button up, with the buttons just low enough to give an alluring tease of defined collarbones beneath golden skin and white trousers.
Black hair moves across his forehead gently in the subtle breeze and you can’t help but take a deep, fortifying breath when he finally removes those sunglasses that have remained attached to his head. Beneath them, are crescent shaped brown eyes, warm and filled with kindness and amusement.
Dear god, he was stunning. Staring at him in the restaurant, his profile standing out from the outstanding picture of natural beauty surrounding him, you realise how the people of this country thousands of years ago had believed in a god who brought the sun to life every day.
Because you could quite easily believe that Apollo himself had taken human flesh and sat opposite you.
“Thanks. I was worried I might seem a little weird. I’m Hoseok.” He holds out an elegant, long fingered hand to you. “Jung Hoseok.”
Stuttering, you shake his hand shyly and let him know your name, eyes falling to the table as you take a bite of your food to occupy your mouth. Lisa had been joking when she’d suggested a holiday fling with him, and you’d been serious when you thought that nothing would ever happen.
Yet here he was, sat opposite you and looked more delicious than the food you were eating currently. Hoseok calls for the waiter and asks for a bottle of white wine to be delivered to the table, smiling pleasantly and thanking him once the expensive bottle arrives.
He pours himself a glass and looks at you, brow raised while he shakes the bottle slightly. You nod slowly, watching as the clear liquid fizzes inside the glass and reach out, taking a long gulp of the crisp, dry drink.
“How long are you in Crete for?” He asks idly, giving another smile to the young girl who delivers his starter and diving into it. Dragging your fork through the food on your plate, you feel your cheeks heat with awkwardness.
“Just tonight. I leave tomorrow to go home, like you.” At that, the delicate smile that has so thoroughly charmed you makes another reappearance. In fact, if you were reading his face right, he looked positively delighted at this news.
“Oh really? What a weird coincidence. Let’s consider this a fruitful night hmm?” He says, raising his glass to you in a toast that has you letting a tiny smile over your lips. “I’m pretty sure I’ve kept seeing you around this place by the way. Which is weird, because it’s a small town but it’s not that small.” He chuckles, shaking his head as he takes another bite of food.
You wish you were strong enough to lie, but instead it comes blurting out. “You have. I mean...I’ve seen you around too. And...we went on that trip to Santorini together. Kind of. I mean, not actually together. But...you know what I mean.”
Hoseok watches with a single brow raised, amusement rippling over his face as he chews slowly. He swallows as he nods. “Yeah, I thought so. Honestly, that’s why I came over. I was pretty sure I recognised you and...well you’re pretty and you look interesting.”
Well, now your body is definitely heating up and it’s not because of the sun.
“I’m not that interesting. Really. Unless you find museum curator’s interesting.” You blurt out, running a hand down your dress to smooth out any wrinkles. At that, his face opens up in interest and he sits forward, placing the knife and fork onto his now empty plate and looks at you with enthusiasm.
“A museum curator? Oh wow, I wasn’t even sure if you’d finished college.” He stops suddenly, face blanking before cringing. “Oh god, I’m sorry. That sounded weird. Oh no it was weird. I’m sorry.” He repeats, hands coming out to try and placate you, despite you not being bothered.
“Why is that weird?” You ask and he flushes, tanned cheeks dusting with rosy pink.
“Well...I’m 33 and as soon as I said it, I realised how weird it would sound if I thought you were like 21 or something. Oh god, I wish I’d never said anything.” He grimaces, running a hand over his face exasperatedly and you laugh.
“No, no. That is very much a compliment Mr Jung. I’m 29, I’ve been doing my job now for four years. In fact, that’s kind of why I’m in Greece. I’ve spent the last month in Turkey, Egypt, Malta, Italy and Greece as my specialty is ancient Mediterranean cultures.” Why you’re suddenly babbling about your job, you have no idea.
But he looks completely fascinated and begins to question you about it; the exact cities you’d visited, the food you’d eaten, the sights you’d seen and even what kind of work you did in the museum. It had been a long time since a man had been genuinely interested in your job.
You seemed to unfortunately attract men whose eyes literally glazed over when they heard the word museum usually.
Hoseok however, is completely intrigued and asks plenty of intelligent questions. Not only that, but he’s knowledgeable about museums too. An in depth conversation between the two of you last over the main meal, you with souvlaki and him with a Cretan speciality of smoked pork.
It’s halfway through his conversation about the German Historical Museum in Berlin that he suddenly stops, blushing even harder as he scrapes his fork over his empty plate. “Ah, I’m sorry. I’ve been babbling about myself and not even telling you anything interesting.” His lips turn in a wry smile and you reach forward without thinking, fingers resting on the smooth skin of his warm hand to stop his fretful movements.
“It’s fine, honestly. It’s lovely to meet someone who enjoys museums as much as I do. But I am kind of curious about you in turn.” He snorts and wipes his mouth with a napkin, leaving the white fabric slightly red.
“Erm, well. I’m a director for a PR company in New York City.” He says, the words almost mumbled, as if he didn’t want you to hear. Which isn’t surprising, as your own brows raise. You’d already informed him that you lived on the outskirts of NYC, your museum small and humble compared to the giants in the city.
As such though, you were well aware that for to be someone so high up in a PR company in one of the most expensive cities of the world, he was probably earning some serious bank. Though, you could guess that from his clothing. It had been a slightly heart stopping moment to realise that he was wearing over $30,000 on his wrist, the watch only familiar to you because Taehyung was some weird watch aficionado.
“Do you have any fancy clients then? I bet it must be a nightmare when something goes wrong.” You ask lightly, running your finger along the rim of your wineglass and completely missing the way his eyes focus on the slow movement.
“Yeah, we’ve got some big clients. And yeah, they’re an equally big pain when something goes bad. But when you pull it off, that’s a good feeling.” He smirks, eyes flicking up to meet yours and you can’t help but bite your lip to try and stop the weird feeling in your chest. Hoseok is truly gorgeous, but did he have to be so damn nice too?
“I’d say I’m glad I work in a museum, but what’s the more nerve wracking job? Failing to do damage control well for a multi billion dollar company...or accidentally breaking a one-of-a-kind, millennia old antique?” The words are teasing and his hissing grimace is equally as playful.
“That’s a tough one. Probably yours if I’m being honest. Is anyone really gonna give a shit about one company making a boo-boo when they do that every other year? On the other hand...breaking a priceless ancient Greek vase...yeah history isn’t gonna look kindly on that.” He taps his fingers against his sharp jaw and you laugh lightly, happy that he played along with you.
Your conversation continues on for a while, allowing you both to have little glimpses into each others lives. Wild tales of friends soon come from you both, trying to one up each other while tender moments are revealed about your families. It’s strange, how you’ve barely known him for an hour, yet feel more comfortable with him than people you’ve known for years.
“How come you’re travelling alone then? You’re obviously a sociable guy, so I don’t know why you don’t have a partner or friends with you?” You query quietly, thanking the waiter as he brings a plate of baklava to your table for the both of you, along with some freshly cut fruit. The shot of ouzo that always seems to accompany meals being consumed with grimaces from you both.
He coughs as the liquid burns down his throat before sucking on a piece of melon, apparently oblivious to how utterly seductive that move is. Humming to himself, he swallows the fruit before continuing on. “I always travel alone. I do have friends, but they’re always busy with either jobs, or families now. So...I figure why not? I want to go abroad, what’s to stop me? What about you? You’re on your own, and have been for a month.”
Smiling, you nod your head as you acknowledge that he’s got you there. Biting down on the baklava, you enjoy the sweet flavours before responding to him. “Same really, my best friend was busy and my other friends are busy being moms and wives right now. This has been a dream trip for me for years and when the museum gave me the option to do some work for it too, I thought it was too good to not do. Gotta be bold sometimes right?”
Your bright smile has him responding in kind, teeth gripping down on a grape before his tongue slowly pulls it into his mouth. Licking your lips in response, you find it almost bizarre how your body seems to think everything needs to be done a little more alluringly, licking your fingers slower than you normally would.
It’s a slow game that you’d only realised the two of you had been playing since he’d sat at the table, and apparently one he’d been aware of longer than you. But you were pretty sure he’d caught on by now, and his tan skin, practically glowing in the light of the setting sun, was just crying out for you to touch it.
“Yeah, sometimes you gotta be bold.” He repeats, tone even deeper than before and you clench your thighs together at the rasping syllables. The plate between you is empty now, and you both sit there for a moment, simply staring at each other with expressions that said you were still hungry for something.
Lisa’s words float through your head slowly and you watch Hoseok quietly for a few seconds more, your easy conversation slowly dying as the growing sense of awareness between the two of you takes over. Chewing on your lip nervously, you grip your white sundress with slightly trembling hands before taking a deep breath.
Sometimes, you have to be bold.
“Are you free tonight?” You ask bluntly, causing his brows to rise in surprise before the corners of his mouth tips upwards in a pleased smile. He looks happy at your question, and you wonder if he always gets girls asking him for sex or if he’s usually the one to chase. Whatever his normal options, he seems to be reciprocative to your obvious suggestion.
“Why yes I am. Would you like to join me? I’m staying at a villa and it has the most beautiful view of the sea.” He states flirtatiously, eyes lighting up with anticipation while he bites at his lip slowly, teeth pulling the luscious pink skin before letting it drag back out. Watching the movement, you suppress a groan as his tongue slides across his lips, leaving behind a soft sheen of wetness.
“Crete does have very beautiful sea views.” You practically whisper, internally embarrassed at how desperate you’re beginning to sound for him. But he seems to be reciprocative, almost enthusiastic to your blatant display of desire.
“And I have some delicious champagne if that’s interesting to you. I’d love to hear you tell me more about Ancient Greek history, you must make a very good teacher when you lead tours occasionally. I’ve never been so interested in history.” He gestures over to the waiter for the bill and you can’t help but smile at the praise, idly wondering if he’s being genuine or just trying to butter you up to get in your pants.
Though you reason to yourself that you’ve made it pretty obvious that you’re reciprocative to him, and so presume he was being genuine. He did seem to be very interested in the random history information you’d bombarded him with earlier.
“I could, if you really want that. But I’m sure we can both think of something more interesting to do.” Placing down a bunch of Euros to pay for your half, making sure to leave plenty to tip the wait staff on your last night, you watch as he lets out a laugh, hands clapping together in delight.
He adds his own money to yours, the amount surely eye watering to the staff, but doesn’t blink an eye at it as you both make your way out of the restaurant. A quick ‘yassas’ to the waiter on the door and you’re standing in the street, Greek music filtering through the air as a nearby venue’s traditional Greek night gets underway. Hoseok stands next to you for a moment, breathing in deep and taking in the warm, island air.
Without a word, he reaches out and grasps your hand firmly, long fingers intertwining with your own before he’s squeezing gently. His hand is large and warm, the skin smooth and comforting as he begins to walk down the street. You follow him leisurely, appreciating that he’s not practically yanking your arm off for sex and take a moment to drink in the sight of his tall, lean frame.
Your perusal doesn’t go unnoticed as he catches your eye, lips breaking into that familiar, heart shaped grin once more before he tugs you closer and takes a moment to press his nose into your hair. “Do you like what you see?” He asks quietly, hot breath fanning a few strands of breakaway hair and you heat up at the high school-esque question.
Looking up at him demurely, you let your own tongue wet your lips and watch with satisfaction as his eyes track the moment heatedly, irises blowing out slightly as his nostrils flare. “Very much. But I think I’d like it better in your villa.” Where this minx came from, you have no idea.
He chuckles and turns back, pulling on your arm slightly as his long legs eat up the distance. “Well then, I think we better hurry up hmm?”
-
When Hoseok had told you that he was staying in a villa, you could honestly say that you weren’t sure what you were imagining. You weren’t too up on what villa’s looked like. What you saw however, was jaw dropping and made your brows raise in surprise.
White washed walls alternate with pale stone and everywhere you look there are glass doors that lead out to a serene pool, outlined in white tile. It was surrounded by high walls on three sides, providing utter privacy while the back was open to the beauty of the ocean. There was no beach, the craggy seafront didn’t allow for that, but it was still a truly stunning view.
He hadn’t been lying.
Unusually, there was no key for the front door and you watched as he simply input a code into an electronic keypad, a beep sounding as the door unlocked itself. Inside, a security system was turned off quickly and you were left to marvel at the interior.
It was a study in modernity meeting tradition, with dark wood furniture dotted around the open plan rooms while sleek, black metal takes up where wood can’t. A ridiculously large television sits proudly against the wall of the living room, facing two black sofas that are covered in subtly patterned blankets.
Greek style art and vases dot the area, bringing bright splashes of colour to the sparse room and you can’t help but admire the decorating skills of whoever owns this place. When you query this, he lets out a hiccuping laugh as he bends down in the kitchen, disappearing behind a luxurious island in the centre.
“My friend, Jimin. If you want to see rich, then you should see him. Guy’s an investment banker on Wall Street, he makes the kind of money that makes you sick.” You stare at his watch as he says that, brow raised as he sucks his lower lip in amusement. “Hey, if I’m saying that…” He shrugs, lean shoulders lifting underneath his shirt.
Sitting on one of the backless stools that frame the counter, you rest your chin on your hands as you watch him pull a champagne bucket - a champagne bucket! - out from one of the cupboards and fill it with ice from the freezer before adding in around a third of cold water. He then places a bottle of expensive looking champagne in it before heading over to the fridge.
There doesn’t look to be a lot inside, but you do note with interest the bowl of strawberries he pulls out and sits inbetween you both as he heads over. Another bowl is produced and he breaks some Belgian chocolate into it, putting it into the microwave to melt before strolling over and holding a final piece between two fingers.
Brows raised, you watch as he gestures towards your mouth his hand, jaw tilting up to signal his want. Keeping eye contact with those luscious, dark eyes, you let your lips fall open slowly and allow him to place the piece firmly on your tongue, the softest moan leaving you as the decadent chocolate begins to melt in a burst of flavour.
His fingers remain for a moment, and you can’t help but take the opportunity to wrap your lips around them, sucking ever so softly before using the tip of your tongue to wipe away the chocolate residue that had melted. Hoseok isn’t as quiet as you with his groan, but a hundred emotions seem to flutter across his face, and every one of them is firmly in the desire range.
The ding from the microwave distracts him, causing him to have to pull his gaze away from your mouth and you watch him shake his head in amusement as he brings the bowl back over. “I don’t know why that surprised me, but I appreciated it. A lot.” He whispers, coming around the counter to sit next to you.
Placing the bowl down, he takes a seat on the stool next to you and maneuvers his legs so that they’re surrounding your knees. Leaning forwards, you inhale sharply as his face is only inches from yours and your eyes flutter slightly at the expensive cologne that emanates from him. Is there anything better than a man who smells good?
The answer is yes, A man who smells good, feeding you chocolate dipped strawberries.
Which is exactly what Hoseok does, fingers trailing over the juicy, red fruits until he finds one he likes and picks it up. Glancing to you, he makes sure you’re watching as he dips the pointed end into the melted chocolate, twisting it slowly to make sure it has an even coating before lifting it back it up, waiting until it stops dripping.
You’re not sure why it’s so sensual, but just watching him has you clenching your thighs and letting out a stuttering breath. He’s close enough that he can hear it though, and see your reaction to him, and you watch a tiny smirk kick up one corner of his mouth.
“Open wide.” He murmurs, bringing the strawberry to your lips and giving a pleased smile when you do so immediately. “You’re very obedient, I can’t even begin to describe how much of a turn on that is.” His laugh is breathy and you can feel it over your skin, goosebumps forming on your arms.
Instead of letting your respond however, he places the strawberry into your mouth and watches as you bite down on it, careful not to bite his fingers. The bitterness of the dark chocolate soothes the sweetness of the fruit and a tiny whimper leaves you as you stare directly into his dark eyes.
“Good?” He asks, placing the remains on the counter while preparing a second and taking a bite himself. You chew and swallow carefully, licking your lips once finished and watch as he takes his time to eat his own.
Slowly, the strawberries disappear on the plate and despite the fact it’s evening and the temperature is lowering outside, it only seems to be getting warmer inside until you get the urge to tug off your sundress. But not yet, you sense it’s too soon for that still.
When the final strawberry is left and the chocolate has begun to harden again, Hoseok takes a glance at it before focusing back on your lips and grinning. Scooping up the final bits of chocolate, he goes to feed it to you and you open your mouth as expected.
Instead, he slowly drags the strawberry over your lower lip, smearing it in rich, dark chocolate before sliding it into your mouth sensually and letting you bite down. Before you can even attempt to start chewing it properly, he’s closed the gap between your faces and a shudder wracks your body at the feel of his wet tongue as it slowly trails over the sweet layer, lapping it up before licking into your mouth.
Moaning out, your arms automatically wrap around his neck as he kisses you slowly, mindful of the strawberry that you’d still to swallow. By the time he pulls away from you, the kiss only seconds long yet feeling like he’d been kissing you for minutes, he simply grins and opens his mouth, tongue flat to reveal the strawberry you’d bitten.
Chuckling at the look on your face, he chews it and swallows before grabbing the bucket and standing up, reaching for your hand and tugging you towards the railing-less stairs. The upstairs is much like the downstairs, and you spy two closed doors before he’s leading through the only open door.
The bedroom is everything you expect from a high class villa like this, with a queen sized bed currently covered in plain white sheets and pale blue silk throw pillows artfully placed at the head. But that’s not the jaw dropping bit. No, it’s the fact that two of the four walls are simply glass doors, and you watch as he opens them up until half of the room is open to the elements.
It’s bathed in an orange glow as the sun is still setting far out to sea, the slick waves reflecting a distorted mirror image of the visual beauty happening overhead. You could spend an entire holiday out here on the balcony, gasping in wonder as your hands grasp the glass balcony wall.
Hoseok places the bucket on a wooden table before heading over to you, arms coming around your sides before they rest next to yours on the glass. The evening is still warm, though the breeze brings the cooling fingers of night. Your hardening nipples have nothing to do with that though, and everything to do with the hot body pressing itself gently behind you.
He feels solid and oddly reassuring, the width of his chest resting against your shoulders while you feel the shadow of a solid erection brush past the apex of your ass. Hoseok is evidently a master of seduction however, as he doesn’t push too hard on that front, instead resting his head on your shoulder as the two of you look out at the sea.
“Tell me an interesting fact about Greece.” The words whisper from his mouth, low and guttural so as not to interrupt the mood. Humming to yourself, you bring one finger to tap against your chin and enjoy the way he laughs, breath dancing past your cheek as he looks at you slightly.
“The Greek alphabet was the first to have vowels written down.” You respond, voice breathy from his proximity. He’s quiet for a moment before he lets out a bark of laughter, arms moving to wrap around your waist for a moment as he rocks you from side to side before letting go and sitting at the chair on the table.
A finger runs along the rim of one of the champagne glasses he seems to have produced from nowhere and you watch as his tongue runs along his teeth slowly. “I love it when you talk history to me.”
Sniggering, you sit in the chair opposite him and cross a leg over the other, resting your hands in your lap to keep them from quivering. He may have joked about his age earlier, but the control that came with that age was really showing through now as he pours a third of a glass full of champagne.
Honestly, you want to jump on him right now and see if his skin is that stunning all over.
Taking the glass from his offered hand, you swirl it for a moment before taking a sip of the cold liquid. You’re really not sure what the etiquette for drinking champagne is, but he doesn’t seem to care as he swallows it down almost greedily.
It’s overwhelmingly bubbly at first, almost getting up your nose and you make the most attractive sneeze as it does so, nose wrinkling as your head shakes. He chuckles at that, an amused smile prominent as he watches you get used to the texture and flavour.
“What do you think?” He asks, lifting up his own glass to gesture to you almost lazily.
Almost instantly, you’re grasping for words as you have no idea how to describe it. Taking another drink, you let it rest on your tongue before swallowing slowly. Humming as if you know what you’re talking about, you nod sagely. “It’s...crisp...and...champagney.” Immediately you’re cringing while he starts guffawing.
“Oh god, I’m sure Dom Perignon would be ecstatic to hear that.” He snorts, head tilting as he swallows the final bit in his cup. Your eyes widen in response though and you reach out slowly, turning the bottle until the label comes into view and you choke loudly.
Holy shit! He was feeding you Dom Perignon. A woman he’d barely known for three hours and here he was, letting you drink champagne that probably cost...well you didn’t even want to think about it. And you’d just described it as ‘champagney’!
Hoseok watches you suffer for a minute before smiling, leaning over and taking the glass from you before setting it on the table. “It’s fine, not everyone likes it. And I’m not expecting you to suddenly fall in love with it. It’s not to everyone’s taste..”
You groan quietly, pushing a hand into your face as embarrassment takes over. This man, this beautiful man, was so out of your league it’s not even funny. And yet, with the way he’s looking at you right now, he makes you feel as though you’re right at home next to him.
“I do think I know something that will be to my taste though.” He whispers, the words light and yet swarming with desire and dripping with lust. You watch him for a few seconds in admiration, eyes tracing over his face and the way the setting sun sets his skin ablaze.
“Wha-” Anything you’re about to say is cut off though when he suddenly grabs your hand and tugs you out of your chair, practically falling into his lap and gasping as your hands press against his firm chest to stop yourself from hurting him. From your elevated view, you get to take in the stunning sight of his statuesque face as he gazes up at you, want painted over every inch.
“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” He whispers before a hand is wrapping around your neck, pressing gently until your lips meet once more. It’s chaste at first, lips pressing against soft lips until his tongue slowly trails along the seam in an unspoken request for more.
Granting it, you let them fall open enough for him to gain entrance and a quiet moan leaves you as he runs his tongue along the roof of your mouth before tangling it with your own. He tastes sweet from the strawberries, dark from the chocolate and expensive from the champagne. Truly, Apollo turned to flesh to burn you up from the inside.
While his mouth takes yours on a slow dance of seduction, his fingers are moving in their own dance of persuasion as they skip and play along the straps of your dress before reaching your waist. Each touch sends tiny shivers of pleasure and he plays your body like marionette doll, a press here and a stroke there until your front is plastered against his own.
Breaking away from you for a moment, he looks down to where your breasts are pressed to his chest with a pleased smirk, enjoying the way they look along with how they feel. Rubbing his hands along your waist a few times, he watches you closely as they move down to your ass, gripping tightly and encouraging your hips to grind against his erection slowly.
A low groan leaves your throat as your head falls back, exposing the expanse of skin to his eager mouth while he hisses in response to the friction. Each slow grind of your hips corresponds to a harsh suck of his mouth on your throat, colourful bruises blooming to life at his rough treatment.
And yet your own hands grip his hair firmly, tugging in response to each pull of his mouth until he’s ripping himself away. Looking up at you with hooded eyes, almost black in the dimming light, he gasps before licking his lips.
“Oh yeah, you taste better than that. But I bet you taste even better somewhere else.” He states boldly, huffing a quiet laugh as your thighs go to clench closed at his words, only to squeeze his hips instead.
You expect him to let you stand up and move the activities into the bedroom, only he surprises you in a display of strength that has the centre of your thighs releasing even more slick to ruin your panties. Gripping the underside of your thighs, he grunts as he lifts and stands at the same time, planes of muscle under his shirt shifting while his biceps have their own moment of glory and stretch out his sleeves.
An unbidden whimper leaves your mouth at the sight as he deposits you onto the table, pushing the ice cold bucket away from you and leaving your legs draped over the edge. Lifting your head to look at him, you’re about to speak when he suddenly begins to slide his fingers up your calves.
Connecting your eyes with his, you watch with widening eyes as he begins to push the hem of your sundress over your thighs, the material tickling your hypersensitive skin until finally he can’t move it anymore because of your ass. Raising a brow at you, he gives a pleased smile when your hips lift up, allowing him to push the fabric further up to reveal the flat expanse of your stomach.
He doesn’t stop though, and keeps going till he’s tugging the dress over your shoulders before throwing it into the bedroom somewhere. It’s at this point that he takes a moment to simply admire you, eyes taking in the sight of your exposed skin under the dying sunlight and he lets out a sigh of pleasure, content with what he’s seeing.
“Christ, how can anyone look at the scenery when there’s you to enjoy?” He whispers, leaning forward and pressing a hot, open mouthed kiss to the centre of your stomach. Gasping at the wet feeling, your hands twine through his hair as he begins to leisurely kiss and lick his way upwards until he’s sucking on the soft, vulnerable skin of your breast.
“How can anyone look at the items in your museum when you’re there?” He presses a kiss gently before letting his tongue play over the hardened nub of your nipple, grinning at the wanton moan that escapes you as he does so. “I bet there’s not a thing in that museum more awe inspiring than the sight in front of me right now.” He murmurs before his mouth is sucking on your nipple, the pressure immense and almost painful before he’s letting go and admiring the way it puckers for him so prettily.
My god, who was this guy?!
Hoseok lets his tongue play along your breasts, swirling around the tip of your nipple before lovingly sucking it into his mouth. He stops suddenly though, pulling back before his eyes glance to the bucket next to your head, the metal sweating in the evening warmth. Giving the sensitive bud a light grazing with his teeth, he pulls away before tugging the bottle out of the ice.
“What are yo-Hoseok!” You cry out, giving a slight shriek as he pours the cold champagne onto your peaked breast, a husky laugh leaving him as his head dips down immediately to catch the fizzing liquid as it trickles down your chest. Gasping out at the sensation of his scorching tongue heating up your cooled flesh, your fingers slip into his soft hair and grip firmly.
“Hoseok! What are you doing? This is way too expensive to be...licking it off me.” You pant out, hands pushing his talented mouth even closer despite the words you’re telling him. He laughs gruffly, letting his nose brush against your skin as he follows an errant trickle before staying in place, sucking a bruise into the delicate skin over your ribcage.
“You’re wrong,” He says, voice slightly muffled as he tips a small amount over your nipple and immediately goes chasing. “This is exactly the right way to drink champagne. Why spend $300 on a bottle if you’re not going to lick it off the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen?”
It takes a moment for his words to penetrate your lust filled mind, but when it does you look down at him with wide eyes to see a toothy grin before those teeth bite down on the tender flesh. The price makes you eye the bottle warily until his compliment filters through and your stomach twists on itself, your legs clenching around his hips.
You don’t need to respond to him as he seems to understand what your body tells him silently, and he smiles sweetly, pressing a warm hand down on your trembling stomach muscles. He moves it slowly up to your neck, pulling you forwards slightly before he tips the bottle to your lips, letting you swallow a small amount before he’s placing the bottle to the side and swooping down to attach his lips to yours.
The taste of the champagne swirls around both of your mouths as he leisurely strokes your tongue with his, his cooled hand now grazing your side in slow movements until he pulls away and shifts backwards.
Eyes flicking to yours, his lips kick upwards before he’s sitting back down and spreading your legs for him, eyeing the sight of your slick dampened panties like a feast that’s been laid out just for him. Slowly, and making sure that you maintain eye contact with him the entire time, he shifts closer in the chair until you can feel the burning heat of his breath on your pussy.
“Do you want me to touch you here?” He asks and you want to cry from the need to have his tongue, his fingers, anything, touch you and relieve some of the ache. Nodding, you slur out some response to him and reach down, grasping for his head only to watch him jerk out of the way with a happy smile.
“Okay.” Is all he responds with, and you expect him to play some more games with you. Only he doesn’t.
Instead, he leans forward and places his mouth over the damp fabric of your panties, tongue pressing firmly to wet them even more. You can’t feel his tongue properly, can’t feel the slick wetness of the firm muscle and it drives you mad as he uses the fabric to lazily dull some of the pleasure. Whining at him, you grasp for his hair again and listen to his amused chuckle as he once more ducks out of the way.
A finger dances and skips it way along your inner thigh before it’s accompanied by his others, his nails lightly scraping along the sensitive flesh there until you’re shuddering with need. Humming in delight at your reactions to him, it’s with those deft fingers that he suddenly grabs the panties and tugs at them forcefully, the fabric almost burning in the speed that he pulls them off.
Gasping out an ‘oh’, you’re about to say something until suddenly those luscious pink lips wrap themselves around your clit and suck deeply. Crying out, your head hits the table with a thud as your hips undulate towards his mouth, body clenching on itself at the pleasure.
As he sucks, you feel the tip of his tongue playing with the tiny bud and immediately you’re writhing, uncaring of the rapidly cooling breeze that has the hair on you standing on end. How could you care, when this unbelievable man is between your legs and is worshipping you like a Greek goddess?
Hoseok hums to himself, a song you don’t recognise, but the effect is instantaneous as the vibrations cause tiny quakes of pleasure that have your legs tightening around his head. His elegant nose is pressed to your mound and you heat up as you hear him inhale unabashadley, taking in the scent of your arousal as he drags his tongue down to your weeping entrance.
Extending out that wonderful, talented tongue, he dips it into your pussy as far as he can before he curls it upwards, ever so slowly pulling it out to drag along your walls. An animalistic cry is pulled from your lungs as he does so, the sheer heat of the muscle combined with the slickness making you extra sensitive.
“Hoseok, chri-Hoseok please.” What you’re begging him for, you don’t know, but he seems to be pleased at what he’s hearing anyway. A loud clanking noise makes you jerk in surprise as you shift, watching him grasp the cold champagne bottle and bring it between your legs.
You go to stop him, afraid that he thinks pouring champagne down there is a good idea, only to let out a garbled noise as he presses the freezing glass to your clit. The temperature of it has your body shuddering in an excruciating combination of ecstasy and pain as he presses it firmly against you, circling it in slow motions that has shocks of pleasure fizzing in your veins.
“Jesus fucking-Hoseok!” You cry out, part of your mind aware that he’s using a bottle of fucking Dom Perignon as a sex toy. Hands grasping for him, you grip his wrist firmly yet don’t pull it away. No, if anything, you actually want him to go harder.
But he takes the choice away from you, pulling the bottle away before enveloping the cold little bud into his mouth. A mouth that now feels as hot as the centre of the sun and the temperature difference has you shrieking out, hand letting go of his wrist to pull at his dark hair.
He carries on for another few minutes or so, happily lapping at your clit in tiny kitten licks before sucking on it long and deep before he evidently decides he’s had enough foreplay. Standing, he grips under you and tugs you to him before lifting you up in one swift movement, your legs wrapping around his waist quickly while your arms lay around his neck in a languid movement.
“No orgasm?” You murmur to him, disappointed. A low laugh leaves him as he leans forward slightly, pressing soft yet damp kisses to your collarbones with a pleased noise.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get everything you’re hoping for.” He whispers, moving his head so close to your own that your noses are almost brushing against each other. The sun has slipped beneath the horizon and already darkness is chasing, the moon beginning to become brighter as it takes its rightful place.
Hoseok strides into the bedroom, pushing past the gauzy curtains before carefully laying you on the bed, a knee pressed to the mattress. Observing you for a moment, he lets out almost a sigh of utter desire and contentment, running both hands along your waist almost reverently before he’s leaning down, catching your lips in a quick yet deep kiss.
Standing back up, you push up onto your elbows and watch with greedy eyes as he begins to unbutton his shirt, going even slower once he catches your eyes with an amused grin. Each button gives way with ease, slowly revealing an expanse of tanned skin that under the sun, you’re sure would be golden, but in the slowly strengthening moonlight begins to pale slightly.
You swallow slowly, worried that you’re drooling at the sight of his torso as it’s exposed. Hoseok is lean yet incredibly toned, the muscles of his abdomen clearly defined yet not obscene and it makes you pant slightly, even more wetness coating the insides of your thighs.
He doesn’t take the shirt off though, nor does he take off the obscenely expensive watch adorning his wrist. Instead, he keeps his eyes firmly on you while unbuttoning his pants, the movement slow and seductive before he drags them, along with his underwear, down his muscled thighs.
Almost immediately, his thick cock bursts free and bounces in the air, a drop of clear liquid beading at the tip in his excitement. You don’t even realise the low noise of sheer, desperate need that you let out until Hoseok himself lets out a snort, shaking his head while a hand runs through his hair slowly.
“You look like you’ve seen something you want.” He rasps out, climbing onto the bed in slow and measured movements until he’s hovering over you. A slow roll of his hips has his cock grinding against your pubic bone, the hot shaft twitching at the movement as he lets out a deep groan of satisfaction.
“Fuck,” Hoseok whispers, almost inaudible as he dips his forehead to lean in the crook of your neck. “Every part of you is amazing, you know that?” You can’t help but laugh at his words, spurred from the pleasure his dick is sending into his body but you still take the opportunity to let your hands drag along his slim back, feeling the indent of each muscle and biting your lip at him.
“I want you.” He states bluntly, lifting his head to let you see the sheer dark want in his eyes and you keen out softly, lifting your head up to chase his lips in a wanton kiss of need. It’s lazy and unhurried, despite the constant grind of his hips against yours and the pool of liquid excitement between your legs.
Pushing at his shoulders, you separate and he lets you roll him over until his back is resting against the soft mattress of his bed, an impish smile taking over that makes him look very young. Straddling his thighs, you smirk down at him as you grasp his cock firmly in one hand, enjoying the way he lets out a quiet whimper before his eyes close as you stroke him.
“I want you too. Condom?” You ask quietly and he pauses for a moment, a look of panic washing over his face before relief filters through quickly soon afterwards. He nods towards his pants and gasps out something about a wallet, eyes rolling back as you give him a particularly tight squeeze.
It takes mere seconds to root his wallet out of his pocket before you tug out the single foil wrapped condom, brow raising at him. “Didn’t think you were going to get lucky huh?” You ask cheekily, bouncing back onto the bed and enjoying the way he laughs for a moment before his hands grab for your hips.
“No, but then again I wasn’t expecting to meet a goddess either.” Hoseok states, lip quirking up with amusement. You let out an ‘ooh’ noise as you roll the condom down him slowly, enjoying the sight of him.
He has a pleasing penis, you decide wryly. Not long, but girthy enough to know he’ll feel good and with the slightest curve that has your inner muscles clenching around air. A few more strokes has him especially solid in your hands and you straddle his hips, running the tip of him along your pussy in eased movements.
Moaning quietly, you enjoy the tiny sparks of gratification that pop in your veins as you coat his stiff shaft, your wetness lubing him while each press stimulates your aching clit. For a good 30 seconds, you simply enjoy using him to get yourself off before your eyes open and you catch the sight of his pained expression.
“Ready?” You whisper, shifting up slightly while you align yourself with him. His eyes are firmly focused on the where the tip of him is slowly edging its way into you, a gasping groan leaving his throat easily. Despite this, he somehow remembers your question and nods his head, hands resting firmly on your hips as he waits for your move.
You don’t respond to him, but instead sink down and let out a breathy moan as he stretches you deliciously. It doesn’t take long before you’re resting on his hips, his cock as deep in you as he can get and you sigh out, rocking your hips in a slow circle while you squeeze him internally.
He pants out a pained gasp, hands gripping tightly and you feel his hips reflexively jerk up into you, the movement pushing him further inside. Grinning slightly, you begin to rock with more intent, each slow roll of your stomach causing your hips to undulate on top of him and slide him in and out of you in slow, lazy drags.
“Fucking hell, you feel so fucking good.” He grunts and you can feel the strain in his hands, desperately wanting you to go faster on him but unwilling to push you yet. Reaching down, you take one hand of his and press it firmly to your breast, squeezing his fingers around you and getting a jolt of satisfaction when he shifts to pinch your nipple playfully.
You let him use his other hand to direct your hips further, the speed of your rocks increasing until all that can be heard are the slaps of flesh against flesh, the slick wetness of his cock inside you and the pleasured pants and moans from the both of you.
Leaning forward slightly, you let the angle shift and enjoy the way he soon picks up the slack, his hips jerking up into you in solid thrusts. Each movement has his cock dragging against your g-spot, with tiny, gasping whimpers leaving your mouth until you’re whining quietly, head dropping even further down.
“Touch yourself princess.” Hoseok says, his voice so deep and guttural that it sounds as it he’s speaking from his chest. He removes his hand from your chest and instead grips your ass firmly, the muscles in his biceps becoming noticeable as he moves you in time to his thrusts.
The noise you let out isn’t intelligible, but it’s a confirmation of his request and you bring a hand to press at your clit slowly. Experienced fingers push the hood of the pebbled bud away before you begin to circle, and almost immediately a rasping cry leaves your throat from the pleasure.
“Good girl, keep doing that.” He whispers, shifting slightly as he braces himself better before he begins to pound into you. It sends ricochets of satisfaction through you as your body jerks forward with each slap of his thighs against your buttocks, each drag of his cock pressing against all the sweetest spots inside you.
“Oh god Hoseok, oh god,” You moan out, eyes closing and denying you the beautiful vision of Hoseok looking fucked out with need and desire. He mutters encouragements to you, his voice low enough to send your inner muscles quivering around him and you slow in your movements between your thighs.
How are you possibly supposed to orgasm with this much pleasure happening?
But he senses your thoughts and brings a hand to press against yours, encouraging you to keep pleasuring yourself while he takes care of the rest of you. “Cum for me princess, come on. You can do it.” He pants out, his abdomen flexing underneath you and the white of his shirt almost glowing in the moonlight.
A pinch of your nipple combines perfectly with a swirl of your fingers and a thrust of his cock, the three events combining together to push you over the edge and you find yourself falling into the fizzing pit of overwhelming pleasure. Garbled noises of gratification escape you as you cum, eyes clenched shut as your inner muscles convulse repeatedly around his thick shaft.
Hoseok is moaning out in response, hips working even faster until he suddenly presses firmly into you once and a guttural groan rips from him. Even through your orgasm, you can feel the rhythmic twitching of his cock as he empties into the condom and by the time he’s finished, his hips are making tiny movements to let him ride out the final sparks of pleasure from his orgasm.
Slumping forward onto his chest, you both simply lay there for a minute in a silence that is only broken by the ragged pants from the two of you. Underneath your head, his chest is heaving for breaths and you feel the sticky sheen of sweat on both of you, cooling rapidly in the night breeze that rolls through the open windows.
“That...was every bit as good as I thought it would be.” Hoseok laughs raspily, running a tired hand along your back slowly before shifting you to the side. He sits up tiredly and tugs off the condom, disposing of it before standing on shaking legs and disappearing.
The tiredness of your day exploring, combined with the relentless sun and Hoseok’s ministrations has you dozing off before he even comes back from the bathroom, a towel in hand and a fond smile as he takes in your sleeping figure.
-
You wake the next morning slowly, eyes blinking blearily at the sun brightened room and it takes a moment for your memory to come back to you. A muffled moan leaves you as you curl into the soft, white pillow and inhale deeply, taking in the scent of sex and the undeniably expensive scent of Hoseok.
It’s only after a few more minutes of blissful quiet, the only sounds the distant crashing of the waves on the shore, that you realise it’s actually eerily quiet. Shifting in bed, the sheets wrapping around your body tightly as you do so, you spy an empty bed next to you.
The pillow isn’t even dented anymore, telling you that Hoseok has been gone for a while. Tugging the sheet against your chest, you sit up and look around in confusion. There’s no champagne outside, and the room seems oddly clean.
Swinging your legs over the edge, you’re about to stand until you note the white sheet of paper that flutters slightly in the gentle wind underneath a seashell. It’s then that you note your bag is next to the bed as well, instead of on the couch downstairs where you’d left it last night.
Reaching out, you take the note and read it quietly.
Princess,
Sorry if this all sounds awkward, I’ve never had to write a post-sex apology note. I should be better at this as a PR expert.
I’m sorry to leave you like this. When I said it was my last night, I meant literally. My flight is in the early morning and I had to leave to make it. I meant to walk you to your hotel but fell asleep too.
I’ve cleaned the villa, don’t worry. All you have to do is make sure everything locks behind you. Feel free to take the last of the champagne with you to make your last day even better. I really want to thank you for last night, I enjoyed both it and you.
I hope it’s not too presumptuous of me but I’ve left my number for you. When you’re back in New York, I’d love to visit your museum if you’d be okay with that. Maybe you can even give me a tour? Or even if you just want to talk, I’d like that too.
Yours,
Hoseok
Smiling down at the note, you reach into your bag and pull out your phone, glad it still has some battery left. It takes only seconds to enter his number into your contacts list and you sit there and admire it for a moment, your empty stomach bubbling over with a multitude of emotions.
Placing both down on the nightstand, you head out to the balcony and rest your arms on the glass edge, careful to make sure you remain covered even though there’s no one there to appreciate. Watching the slow but steady movement of the cerulean ocean that stretches as far as the eye can see, you can’t stop the smile that creeps over your face at everything that happened.
Any trepidation you had about going home is gone now, and instead there’s just a tremor of excitement that is ready to burst inside you. Yes, you think that you’re ready to go home now, especially given you have something so wonderful to look forward to.
#networkbangtan#armiesnet#btssunshinenet#btscreatorsnet#btssmutclub#hoseok smut#j hope smut#bts smut#hoseok x reader#j hope x reader#hobi x reader#hoseok fluff#j hope fluff#bts fluff#hobi fluff#hobi smut#hoseok holiday#holiday au#vacation au#summer au
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Cutscene : Reunion Bouquet
When Van, Kash, Russ, and Lye had first arrived in Mistral the concern of where they were going to stay didn't have time to cross their minds, Van had assured them he had it covered something about a friend owing him a favor. It was a furnished loft apartment, with how dusty it was the group figured it hadn't been used in a while. The boys insisted on Lye having the bed, she had gladly accepted. It wasn't often where she would get up and not find the boys piled up together on the pull out couch, they seemed used to it. It was her first time seeing them like that but her gut was telling her it wasnt their first time.
They had quickly made work of getting settled, not having really discussed what they planned to do. However, it was unspoken among them that the point of of going to Mistril was to wait for what happened with Amorette to die down some, they had to regroup and make a plan. They had to get stronger, so they started taking up different jobs with people who would turn a blind eye to their lack of liscense if it came down to it they could forge a thing or two.
A few weeks of this routine passed before the team gathered into the bedroom, it was a day off they all shared which meant the best time for a meeting.
"You want to go after Bruno?" Kashmere's brows furrowed at what had just left Van's mouth. "I thought we came here to get away from him?"
"Yeah, but we both know Bruno and we both know he's angry. He going to send people after us so I figured we go after him first." Van began running a hand through his hair. "I'm not sayin' we go tomorrow, I'm not even sure when yet."
"I get where you're comin' from, but we aren't exactly in the best position. Like you said, we know Bruno's angry. That limits out connections and what strings we can pull around here." Russ pointed out, his left ear twitched as he spoke, a good amount of their connections that were in Mistral were originally through Bruno. Sure they knew there were probably people they could trust, but now wasn't the time to risk it they had to be careful.
"We could hop around some more? Farther, with the towers how they are it'll take longer for any info on us to spread. It would buy us more time at the very least." Lye suggested sitting up.
"That's an option...we just don't have to means right now. We need to figure out where Bruno is first. Russ could figure that out easy."
"Yeah, if I had a computer. All I've got is a scroll and theres only so much even I can do on it." Big purchases weren't in the groups radar at the momment, they already had to get Russ and Kash new scrolls since they had to abandon their previous ones.
"Aren't you guys buddy-buddy with that clothing heiress?" Kashmere had gone quiet from thinking before speaking up, they had done research about the members of Van's Beacon team when he had first been assigned.
"Nava?" The twins spoke in unison, neither seemed to have consider her as an option, both for different reasons. Lye was so focused on their current team and her current condition that she hadn't thought of bring the brunette into the fold, Van on the other felt a bitterness at Nava's sudden departure after the fall. He felt that way about both the missing members of VNLA, he could mask it well but he knew it was there in his chest.
"I dunno, it might be hard to get around her folks. They're pretty strict the last we heard." Van tried to dismiss the topic with a nonchalant shrug.
"Then we just have to find a time when they're not there, they're bigshots I doubt they're always watching her. Plus it's Nava, she's the perfect person to ask for help." A smile tugged at Lye's lips as she talked about their teammate.
"It's a connection not tied to Fang in anyway so I don't think it'd hurt to try." Russ backed up the idea.
"You guys could even try going tomorrow, to scope out the place. You could disguise yourselves as staff to get in." Kash began to propose possible ideas of entry.
"Why don't we just try a head on approach? We could just ask to see her?" Lye suggested earning a doubtful look from Russ and Kash. "Just me and Van, we could say it has something to do with our team and some paperwork we need Nava's signature on." She added, they three of them continued planning giving Van no room to protest. He sat back in silence, red eyes watched on as the optimist and pessimist in his head fought it out.
------
The following day the twins station themselves nearby the Lavender estate watching the main gate for staff that would come and go, with the staff scurrying in and out of the estate it seemed that an event or something along the lines was being prepared. They had done some research about the staff the night prior to figure out who they should target, yet the staff that they saw didn't appear to be the ones who worked under Nava.
"Sitting around is what I planned when I started the meeting." Van commented under his breath idly thumbing one of the chains connected to his outfit, the pair had dressed up in their civilian clothes to blend in more.
"I don't get why you're so butthurt about it, Russ and Kash are looking for other options anyways." Lye responded rolling her eyes, her rabbit ears had picked up on the comment form her twin. Van looked to Lye and scrunched his nose making effort to continue the topic.
"Excuse me.." The new voice grabbed the twins attention, the turned and were met with a short women with round amber eyes, long brown hair. A pair of round mouse ears sat atop the women's hair, the deep wine uniform she wore only further confirmed who she was to the twins.
This was Nava's personal caretaker, Cinnamon Laveau.
The twins looked to the women expectantly.
"This might be a but presumptuous of me but, are you Van and Lye Marigold?"
The twins were surprised to say the least, they had a whole plan about how to "coincidentally" bump into one of the staff. They hadn't expected one of the higher up staff to approach them first.
"Yeah, that's us how do you..." Lye trailed off looking curiously at the mouse Faunus, but instead Van answer her.
"Nava reports." He stated as Cinnamon nodded confirming.
"Being her personal caretaker I was also granted access to them, she always wrote fondly of the two of you." She smiled warmly, the pair looked different than the pictures she had previously. That was expected with what happened at Beacon, she knew from seeing Nava that the toll wasn't just physical. "What brings you two to Mistral? You two originally hail from Vacuo, dont you?"
"Well we were actually hoping to see Nava." Lye begin, before being able to go along with their original script Van cut in.
"We were in town and we figured it wouldn't hurt to try to see her to catch and stuff, it's been a while." He gave a smile and brought a hand up scratching the back of his neck, he could see that Cinnamon actually cared for Nava and knew an emotional angle would benefit them more than a technical one. He had been on enough grifting jobs with the White Fang to know how to adjust the dialogue to get what they wanted.
Cinnamon's eyes practically lit up, this was perfect. She had seen how hard it was for Nava to readjust to being home under the strict regime her parents had. She remembered how heartbroken the young girl was the night she returned and her parents had confiscated her staff and any other training equipment, Cinnamon found she had no other power but to hold Nava in her sorrow.
"That sounds great, the staff is preparing for an event tonight, but Nava should be free. Come with me." She smiled gesturing with her free hand for the twins to follow her, she led them to the main gate and into the vast estate.
------
They had followed Cinnamon who traversed the winding halls with ease, soon they found themselves in a tea room with a large window and balcony overlooking the garden in the back. The pair took a seat, despite the casual demeanor he presented Van felt uncomfortable in the chair. Lye on the other hand was visibly excited at the chance to see their friend.
"Can I get you two anything, tea? Coffee?" Cinnamon offered.
"Oh, tea please." Lye answered polite with a soft smile, this was the most at ease and happy Van had seen her in a while. It would've been nice had he not been so focused on the thoughts that crawled over his shoulder and into the back of his head.
"I'm good, thanks."
"Alright then I'll be just a moment." She quickly left the room, she quickly made her way to one of the smaller kitchens to prepare the tea and a few pastries. She grabbed three cups, two for the girls and one for if Van changed his mind. As she was setting up the tray a familiar figure enter the kitchen.
"Oh, you're back already. How did it go?" A tall man with black hair and gray blue eyes, looked down at the mouse Faunus. He wore a similar deep wine uniform. Slate was also Nava's personal caretaker, however he managed more of Nava's schedule and saw her to and from where she needed to go.
"Pretty good, I delivered the last requests so they should be done far before the party. Is Nava done with lesson?" She asked as she placed the tea to steep.
"Just about, I was just about to prepare her tea. Though it appears you already have that covered...do we have guest?" He quirked a brow taking note of the number of teacups on the tray.
"It's a surprise, just bring Nava to the tea room with the white leather chairs." She picked up the tray and began to make her way of the kitchen.
"Which one?"
"The one overlooking the garden." She called over her shoulder.
------
When Cinnamon enter the tea room Van had been walking around the room examining the decor, he was mainly trying to see what information he could get from it. Lye on the other hand, still sat in her chair patiently waiting for the mouse Faunus to return.
"I brought some pastries as well, everyones preparing for the gala but these are still made fresh by the house's pâtissière." She informed as she set the items from the tray down onto the table, she poured Lye a cup of tea. As she took a step back, the door to the room opened.
--
Slate opened the door for Nava, usually he would tell her why he chose the particular room for her break but this time he didn't. Instead their idly small talk stopped at how her lesson went. When the door was fully opened fully she saw why.
The shock was visible of the brunette face, faster than she could cover it up with her usual calm demeanor. She recovered her stood straight.
"What are you two doing here?" She questioned, her gaze looked the pair over, they hadn't been separated for that long. How had they changed so much?
That wasn't the reaction they had expected to say the least, they had expected a bit more excitement at their reunion. Even Van did, but upon seeing Nava's appearance as she stepped into the room made him feel something was off. She was well put together, not that she wasnt put together before. This felt more meticulous, but not in Nava's sort of way.
"We were in the neighbor hood and thought we'd stop by for a visit." Van stated taking a seat next to Lye as Slate pulled out a chair for Nava across from them, Cinnamon stepped forward filling a cup for her.
She gave a small hum in acknowledgement as she went about adding milk and sugar to her tea.
"How have you been, it feels like forever since we last saw each other." Lye spoke softly, a soft smile resting on her lips.
"Busy, there had been a lot of catching up to do." Nava gave a short and to the point reply.
"I would assume so, huh?" She laughed lightly. "Are you able to manage your business studies with your Hunteress ones? You were always really smart, so I bet it's not a problem."
Nava paused bring the tea cup to her lips. "Oh dear, of course not." She shooks her head, Lye was surprised but what followed surprised her more. "All the Hunteress nonsense went out the window the moment I returned home, after what happened at Beacon?"
"Nonsense?" Lye's ears wavered as her brows furrowed, Cinnamon seemed surprised while Slate's stoic expression shifted with only a quirk of his brow.
"Nonsense. Here, allow me to put it in layman's terms. Someone of my status and position has no reason to run amok trying to play hero. I should be focusing on where a belong, I'll be the head of the Bundles of Lavender soon enough."
The long white rabbit ears atop Lye's head wavered, slowly falling as Nava spoke down to her.
"..what do you mean? This doesn't sound like you..." She spoke softly, she set down her teacup as a snicker came from the brunette across from her.
"Doesn't sound like me? Since when do you know that?"
"Nava, we lived together for four years. We've been friends for four years!"
"You didn't truly think we were friends did you?"
The shock and hurt on Lye's face was all the answer she needed.
"Oh my! You did! I was someone of higher status in a completely unfamiliar environment. I need atleast someone willing to take the blame if I ever got into trouble, you were just the easiest to cozy up to. You took to it so easily, desperately really."
Lye could felt as though she had been stabbed through her chest as her ears fell to lay against her head curling to her chin.
"Aryl was far too stoic, it'd take too much work. With all the resentment and anger Van practically vibrated with, I knew better than to try. You were the perfect groundwork for the both of them, you were just the most convenient at the time." She glanced to Van for a moment, his expression surprised her. Her expression nearly faltered.
Van sat back in his chair, head tilted to one side a lazy smile on his lips. He seemed absolutely unfazed by every of hers that dropped with that condescending tone. However, when she spoke he unconsciously scratched at his forearm. He was completely unaware of this tick, and unaware of what was triggering it.
Lye having taken reigns of the conversation made it easier for Van to sit back and watch Nava as she spoke. He had seen conversation similar to this, the whole 'big reveal' after all the set up and tricks. This wasn't it though, it didn't sit right in the bottom of his gut. He should've been able to take what she was saying and use it as validation for his bitterness towards her, but something just wasn't right. Had he just gone soft? Had his senses dulled?
"Ah who knew the Lavender heiress was such an actresses." He clapped his hands though his tone presented sarcasm. "Well I guess we were too presumptuous with this vist. I think it's the right time to get outta here." He stood up, walking around Lye chair before grabbing her hand. He pulled her out of the chair and began to lead her to the door.
"I'll see you out."
"Nah, I got it. I've got a good memory don't trouble yourself with us." Van called over his shoulder, Slate looked to Nava who simply continued to sip her tea.
A tension remained in the air even after the door shut. Slate took out his scroll notifying the front guards to tell him when the twins were seen leaving the premises.
"I thought you'd be excited, I'm sorry I didn't know..." Before Cinnamon could finish Nava's familiar soft voice spoke up.
"Don't apologize...it's better this way. I have to let go of the hope I could still be a Hunteress, it would've been impossible with the two of them around. I made a deal with my parents." She stared at the reflection in the teacup, her grip tightened on the handle.
"I'll cancel your lessons for the rest of the day. You should rest up for the gala tonight." Slate laid heavy hand on Nava's head who nodded silently.
#cutscene#[Muse;Van Marigold]#[Muse;Lye Marigold]#[Russet Bron]#[Kashmere]#[Muse;Nava Lavender]#[Cinnamon]#[Slate]
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via Politics – FiveThirtyEight
Welcome to Political Confessional, a column about the views that Americans are scared to share with their friends and neighbors. If you have a political belief that you’re willing to share with us, fill out this form — we might get in touch.
First up, Emily, a 28-year-old white woman who lives in Spokane, Washington, and works in the hospitality industry. When Emily first got in touch she wrote, “I think it’s immoral to have children, especially more than one (mostly because of climate change).”
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Clare Malone: How did you come to the belief that having children was immoral?
Emily: Basically, I’ve never really wanted kids of my own, but I come from a pretty large family.
I’m also very, very interested in the sciences. I had a general sense of anxiety about climate change. I canvassed with a group, and I found all the groups I could — Physicians for Social Responsibility, and then some groups on Reddit. There’s a group on a subreddit of people who were very willing to share that they felt like having kids was one of the worst things.
I would still say we have a biological imperative to reproduce, so I don’t hold it against people that they want to have kids. I think politically in the last few years I’ve fallen more toward, like, China had a one-child policy. That’s a political view I could get behind. I understand people’s desires but I would say over the last four or five years as my friends have started having kids, I more and more think, ‘Why are you doing this?’
Clare Malone: So you would adopt and raise a kid, but you think having a biological child is immoral?
Emily: In some ways I really do. We have physical proof that we cause a lot of harm to the planet, and I think the statistics show an imperative to reduce the footprint of our population, which has grown so fast. I think that having children can be immoral for a lot of reasons. I think a lot of people aren’t ready or fit to have kids. And also people who I talk to who want to have kids, they don’t have a good reason. I’d also consider myself a nihilist. I don’t think there’s a moral imperative to have children.
Clare Malone: Why do you think you’re a nihilist?
Emily: I just see less and less purpose to why we do what we do. And I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a strict nihilist. All I see these days is that we’re just causing a lot of destruction. And there are people who are concerned about it, there are plenty of good people. But in terms of, what is our purpose here? It seems to be a very destructive one at this time.
Clare Malone: Do you see any good in the world?
Emily: Oh, absolutely. Pursuing medicine, I’ve been volunteering in an ER, and oh my god, the nurses there are the most incredible people I’ve met. I meet great people every day. In general, the average person is more good than bad. I don’t believe in an inherent badness in people. But we just live in a society where people are pushed to be greedy, and I think greed pushes us to do what we do, and we’re having a negative impact.
Clare Malone: Who have you shared this no-biological-children opinion with?
Emily: I do a podcast with some friends and we talked about having kids at one point. I share it as a personal belief, I wouldn’t share it with anyone as a political belief, because it’s got a lot of holes in it. The only country I’ve heard of that ever practiced something like this was China with the one-child policy. I know it had some extremely detrimental effects, like people getting rid of their female children.
Clare Malone: What do you think it is about not wanting to give birth? Is it something you’re afraid of? Is it just the climate change threat?
Emily: Climate change is a huge piece of it. We also have a pretty bad history of severe depression in my family, which makes a lot of us not want to pass on our genes. And the idea of being female in a world where women have kids and then they drop out of the workforce or they make less money — women are treated differently once they have kids. Up until then, you have all the same opportunities that any man would. Once you have kids, you fit into a different category.
Clare Malone: Don’t you feel like you’ll be treated differently if you decide not to have kids, though?
Emily: Even telling people you don’t want kids, they treat you a certain way. I’ve talked to people where I mention not wanting to have kids and a guy said, ‘That’s very selfish of you.’ And I was like, ‘I don’t understand why it’s not selfish for you to have children.’
Clare Malone: How would you identify yourself politically?
Emily: Extremely liberal. I’m registered as a Democrat so I can caucus. I wouldn’t consider myself a Democrat, though. I don’t agree with a lot of the party stances. The whole liberal elite thing, I actually get where people are coming from with that.
Clare Malone: If you shared this belief with other extremely liberal people, how do you think they’d respond?
Emily: I fall into the millennial generation, and I think a lot of people I’ve talked to in this generation feel the same way. I don’t think I’d get a lot of support from people thinking that it’s a solution for more or less everyone. I think there’s a lot of reasons to limit the number of kids people are allowed to have if they’re clearly incapable of being a parent. But I think that’s an extremely unpopular opinion. I think I’d get a lot of negative feedback if I shared that with people.
Clare Malone: Do you think people’s responses have to do with social class? Would a well-educated professional have a less positive reaction to your ‘no biological kids’ stance?
Emily: Yes, I do. I think a lot of people who have the financial capability and less of the worry think that having kids is great.
Clare Malone: How would you describe your social class growing up?
Emily: Middle class. My mom came from a poverty-line background so she raised us as if we were very low middle class and then I filled out the FAFSA and found that wasn’t the case!
Clare Malone: What about your friend group now?
Emily: My boyfriend is from a middle-class family. I’m from a very small town, and all of my friends are from small towns, but we ended up in Spokane. A lot of them came from maybe barely fitting into the middle class.
Clare Malone: You said some of your thinking about all this started when your friends started having kids. Can you walk me through your mindset back then?
Emily: I used to work at a diner in this extremely small town and I was still religious at that point, and I got this girl hired because we were in bible study together. She started having kids at like 19 and she’s having her fourth at age 26. She’s worked on and off while having kids, but her husband hasn’t ever had a super stable job; both of them are high school educated. She was also valedictorian of her school. And I’m like, ‘Why wouldn’t you go to college?’ That really frustrated me. My best friend chose not to go to college. She was also valedictorian, also from the same small town, also religious. None of them ever pursued their educations, they all depend on their husbands for income, even though, this first friend, I hate to say this, but she’s so much smarter than her husband. I hate to say that because I don’t want to be a snob about people’s intelligence. But she could support the whole family, but she’s just at home having kids. To me, that just seems like a waste.
Clare Malone: Do children hold you back from climbing the socioeconomic ladder?
Emily: I 100 percent believe that.
Clare Malone: Do you like kids?
Emily: I love kids, when they’re behaving …
Clare Malone: We’re probably not going to have a one-child policy in America. What’s the next reasonable policy to get to your goal of population control?
Emily: Universal reproductive health care. I think most women, when given the option, would choose birth control until they’re in a better place to have kids.
Clare Malone: Do you stigmatize people with big families?
Emily: I’m sure if you asked someone else they might have a different answer — I feel I only do that when they’re instilling really obnoxious beliefs. I come from a large family. I actually kind of love large families, but I think I stigmatize people from big families who are not super well educated and from rural conservative Christian towns.
Want to tell us about a belief that you’re scared to share with your friends and neighbors? Fill out this form!
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02 The Branch Davidians and David Koresh
Hey folks, welcome to the show Dogma: A Podcast About Cults I’m your host Denis Ricardo.
This show is about cults. The origins, practices and abuses of cults. So, if you are uncomfortable with descriptions of sexual, physical and mental violence and abuse, this is not the show for you.
I’m gonna try to keep it light and fun, but this stuff can get kind of dark… so you’ve been warned.
Our story begins in 1929 with a one Mr. Victor Houteff, president and prophet of The Shepherd’s Rob, an offshoot of the Seventh-Day Adventists, who could be the subject of their own episode.
Houteff did not see eye-to-eye with the church’s interpretation of Isaiah 54-66, which are a collection of oracles unknown to prophets after the Hebrews returned to Judea from Babylon.
Houteff believed that the church was not doing all it could, becoming relaxed in their teachings and becoming secular. He shared this with his Sunday school classes and was disfellowshipped by his local Seventh-day Adventist congregation just before publishing his book, The Shepherd’s Rod.
The Shepherd’s Rod is a 172-page manuscript that called for worldwide reform.
He listed twelve areas that he felt the church was not addressing, named “Partial List of Abominations.” It included information attempting to define the identity of the 144,000 of the book of Revelation and his interpretation of Isaiah 54-66.
Despite being disfellowshipped, he did not want to start a new movement. He told his followers
“in case some one’s name is take off the church books for carrying on the message, do not be discouraged in any way but to press onward as though nothing happened. Pay your honest tithe and offering to your church and feel like IT IS your Father’s house.”
In the transcript, you’re going to notice Houteff’s spelling is a little… off.
In 1932 he published the second volume of The Shepherd’s Rod, clocking in at 304 pages. Two more booklets filled with tracts published the following year would be volume three. It was reported that Houteff’s followers were being physically removed from their churches and that Houteff himself was attacked for trying to enter a church in LA.
His followers saw no other option but to organize the Universal Publish Association (UPA) in 1934 in LA. They were dedicated to publishing Rod’s message which they believed were God’s fulfillment of Micah 6:9 and 7:14
9 The Lord's voice crieth unto the city, and the man of wisdom shall see thy name: hear ye the rod, and who hath appointed it
Feed thy people with thy rod, the flock of thine heritage, which dwell solitarily in the wood, in the midst of Carmel: let them feed in Bashan and Gilead, as in the days of old.
“Bashan” is the northernmost region of the Transjordan and Gilead is the company that overcharges people for PrEP.
I’m joking. Gilead is an area between Jordan, Syria and Israel, or at least it is believed to be. It was part of a Hebrew conquest that was called the Golan Heights, and again, this is at least believed to be correct. But because of its significance to the Jewish religion, it’s lead to some contention between these countries.
Houteff’s teachings were officially labeled heresy in the Seveth-day Adventist church between 1934 and 1936 by hearings in Fullerton and Los Angeles. In March of 1934 the Shepherd’s Rod was officially organized. Both the Seventh-day Adventists and Shepherd’s Rod believed that they were living in the end times with evidence in the Bible as prophecy.
In 1935 leaders in the Shepherd’s Rod saw that they needed a headquarters for their growing number of followers. They purchased 189 acres just outside of Waco, Texas. This facility would later be known as the Mount Carmel Center, named after the quote in the Bible they base their beliefs in.
By 1942 the group had renamed themselves “Davidian Seventh-day Adventists.”
Houteff died unexpectedly in 1955, he was 69 years old (nice). Florence Houteff, Victor’s wife, intervened in a meeting to appoint herself vice-president of the church and remove E.T. Wilson, the standing VP who was appointed by Victor. She asserted that booting Wilson and picking her
“were in harmony with recommendations made by Brother Houteff prior to his death.”
This kicked off a flurry of fractures in the organization, with several congregants deciding to follow basically anyone who said God appointed them the new leader.
The organization broke in 6 splinter groups, and the Mount Carmel Center was taken by EE Ranches, a commercial horse breeding company. But the core part of the property with the main building was retained by one of the splinter groups, the Branch Davidians.
The Branch Davidians also believed themselves to be in the end times.
The Branch Davidians formed after a failed apocalypse prophecy by Florence Houteff was made in 1959. After being disappointed to not all just die at once, follower Benjamin Roden splintered from the group.
Roden died in 1978 and was succeeded by his wife Lois Roden. But even in this group, there was splintering, as some followers felt their son George Roden should be the new president. However, when Lois died George succeeded her, so it wasn’t that big of deal in the end.
But, things weren’t that great because there was yet more splintering and a man by the name Vernon Howell rose to power and had a few followers of his own.
Howell arrived at the Waco compound in 1981, when he quickly had an affair with Lois Roden, he in his late 20s and she in her late 60s. But I’m not here to yuck any yums, so get yours, I guess.
George Roden and Howell fought for power in the group, with more members favoring Howell.
Now, this is where it gets really weird.
In order to challenge his spiritual prowess, Roden exhumed a corpse for Howell to resurrect. This is illegal in Texas, and Howell filed charges against Roden. The files were dropped because Howell was told he needed evidence. So, this lead to a raid on the compound by Howell and seven of his followers equipped with five .223 caliber semiautomatic rifles, two .22 caliber rifles and two 12-gauge shotguns with 400 rounds of ammunition.
It is assumed that Howell wanted to take the place over, but he claims that they were gathering evidence on Roden. However, they didn’t have a camera with them, so it is not know how they would document evidence.
The case was dropped yet again, but the jury found Howell’s followers not guilty and no agreement on Howell. Howell invited the prosecutors out to ice cream after the trial.
In 1990 Howell is considered the de facto leader of the Shepard’s Rod.
He took the name David Koresh.
“David Koresh” comes from King David and Koresh from Cyrus the Great (Koresh is the Hebrew pronunciation of Cyrus). Cyrus the great was a Messiah who brought the Jews out of captivity from Babylon
I’m going to go over some the stranger religious practices of the Branch Davidians.
The Branch Davidians group had dietary restrictions, abstaining from sugar, processed flour and dairy.
Former follower David Bunds said,
“His reasoning was, well, dairy products are made from milk which is baby food. Milk is what you drink when you’re a baby and we’re adults now.”
This is actually a pretty common dietary restriction among Seventh-day Adventists and as a vegan I’m not totally against this philosophy. But, it’s still really not that good… and it gets worse.
Unsurprisingly, they were also very restrictive standards for women. Women could only wear long blouses and were forbidden to wear makeup or jewelry. They also couldn’t have sex with any man other than Koresh and their husbands were expected to remain celibate. Age was also not a factor and Koresh took “spiritual wives” as young as ten. This young ten-year-old woman later testified in court that Koresh molested her at a motel. In all, Koresh had 20 wives by 1993.
Former member Shelia Martin said,
“If we weren’t being obedient in the sense of like, [I] went to the store and bought something, you know, it was being selfish […] He always would let us know it wasn’t right and we should’ve done [it] differently, and many times it was in front of everyone.”
Children who misbehaved were regularly beat,
“…as a kid, being disciplined was like a 24/7 thing,”
Joann Vaega who was 6 when she was on the compound.
Koresh’s own children did not escape his abuse. When Koresh’s son Sky Okimoto was a child, his mother Dana Okimoto would beat him with a wooden paddle until he bled for even the most minor infractions such as spilling milk. In an interview with ABC News, she said that she was so deep under Koresh’s control that she couldn’t stop herself from beating her child.
“I felt like the most evil person in the world to be beating my baby this way. But this is what God wanted and needed from me.”
In an interview on Good Morning America in 2008, Sky Okimoto said of being the son of someone so infamous,
“Being the son of David Koresh, yes it was pretty hard […] I’m pretty much at peace with the fact that he existed. Sometimes I look up to him because of his charisma. Other times I think he was crazy.”
Dana Okimoto left the church with Sky and their other son Scooter shortly before shit hit the fan.
Aside from feeling the need to be huge creep and monster to prove his leadership, he also preached that they the Branch Davidians would someday be under attack by the US government and so the group began to stockpile arms and food.
A little bit of foreshadowing there…
Around on February 28, 1993, at 9:30am agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms arrive at the Waco compound after hearing reports of the group stockpiling arms. Gunfire erupts between the two groups and 4 ATF agents were killed, 16 wounded. An unknown number of Branch Davidians were also killed or wounded. The FBI comes in hours later, taking over for the investigation.
This will begin what became a 51-day standoff between the US government and the Branch Davidians.
(“Battle Hymn of the Republic” performed by Thomas Chalmers fades in. It is a scratchy recording from 1927)
I’m not going to go exhaustively through every single day, but there are quite a few sources online if you wanted to go in-depth.
On Monday, April 19, 1993, after 51 days of standing off and several people being shot at or leaving the compound the FBI had enough.
At 5:59am the Branch Davidians are given a message over the loudspeaker that they are under arrest.
By 6:02 two FBI combat vehicles began to pump tear gas into the compound and ferret rounds were shot at the building. Shortly thereafter the Davidians began shooting.
Former Attorney General Janet Reno is on the scene and meets with the FBI in the situation room.
By 7:30am the combat vehicles break through the front side of the building and pump more gas into the first and second floor of the compound.
At 9:20am the FBI calls for more gas to be pumped and more ferret rounds arrive at this time.
By 9:30 one of the combat vehicles is failing, the supply of ferret rounds is dwindling and a strong wind is blowing away the tear gas. Two other combat vehicles approach the building, one to widen the hole already made “from which the Davidians could escape,” and the other makes a new hole at the rear end of the building near its gymnasium. Attorney General Reno contacts President Clinton and reports that everything seems to be going well and that she will be leaving for a conference in Baltimore in 30 minutes.
Things don’t go very well.
At 12:07 the Davidians started 3 fires simultaneously in different parts of the compound.
At 12:12 Koresh is asked to lead the Davidians out of the compound. Nine of them flee and are arrested.
At 12:25pm the FBI reported hearing “systematic gunfire” coming from the compound, making many of the agents suspecting that the Davidians are committing suicide or are attacking one another.
At 12:41 fire-fighting efforts begin and HRT members enter the building looking for survivors.
More than 70 Davidians died in the compound, including at least 17 children. It was determined that Koresh was killed by a close-range gunshot.
So ends the life of the would-be messiah David Koresh.
However, that is not the end of the Branch Davidians.
Now here comes the fun part, where I beg you for money. I come to you hat in hand, asking you to go to patreon.com/dogmapod and throw a few bucks my way to help support the podcast. I can’t offer much for tier rewards, but no matter what level you donate at, I will get the episodes out to you early and you can have access to the joke/pop culture cult podcasts and non-cult related articles and podcasts that don’t quite fit with the format. At higher donations, I will take suggestions for cults and do an episode on those. Thank you so much if you decide to be ever so gracious. OK, now back to the show.
A single surviving offshoot from the original Roden-lead Branch Davidians is lead by a man Charles Pace. He is the leader of The Branch (comma) The Lord Our Righteousness. Yes, there is a comma in that.
It is a legally recognized denomination with 12 members. He has condemned Koresh’s teachings and said that the Lord has appointed him to be a leader but not a prophet. The Branch, The Lord Our Righteousness is also a doomsday cult.
The current-day Adventists also condemned the Branch Davidians, and it seems as though they all condemn any of Houteff’s splinter groups.
Thanks again so much for listening. That was our episode about the Branch Davidians and David Koresh. I’m going to put all of my sources in the description. Some of them are from Wikipedia, but I checked to make sure those sources were legit, so lay off me.
Be sure to check out the Instagram to see photos relevant to today’s investigation and the Patreon to throw a few dollars my way. Thank you very much!
Next time we’re going to be investigating a group that you may not have heard of. It was quite popular and it raised in popularity quite a few times, at least six or seven times at this point since 2004. So I can’t wait for you to hear that.
Until then, take care and goodbye.
Citations:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victor_Houteff
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shepherd%27s_Rod
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Branch_Davidians
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Koresh
https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/waco/timeline.html
https://abc13.com/the-siege-timeline-of-the-branch-davidian-compounds-fiery-end/1892261/
https://www.atf.gov/our-history/remembering-waco
https://www.nytimes.com/1993/05/04/us/growing-up-under-koresh-cult-children-tell-of-abuses.html
https://www.ranker.com/list/kids-of-famous-cult-leaders-where-are-they-now/jacob-shelton?page=2
Song Credits:
“Frozen Jungle” by Monplaisir under the name Komiku (http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Komiku/)
“Amazing Grace” performed by Original Sacred Harp (https://www.loc.gov/item/ihas.200049050/)
“At the Cross” performed by Fiddlin’ John Carson (https://www.loc.gov/item/ihas.200149072/)
“Battle Hymn of the Republic” performed by Thomas Chalmers (https://www.loc.gov/item/ihas.100010455/)
Consider joining the Patreon!
#Branch Davidians#Waco#David Koresh#Koresh#cults#cult#fbi#religion#spirituality#podcast#seventh day adventists
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I Liked Fates Before It Was Cool!: Revelation Part 3
Prologue
Opening Chapters
Revelation Part 1
Revelation Part 2
Chapters 20-Endgame, in which the Fire Emblem is a chainsaw.
Chapter 20 + 21
I bet this scene looks wonderfully silly if Takumi is promoted to kinshi knight.
I’m going to be combining many of the chapters in this post, because even though they take a while to play through there’s not much to them in terms of story. Of course Anthony is evil and Corrin has to kill him, although not before Anankos turns him into a Faceless (or was he one all along?). I think I would have preferred the humor of fighting him as a village with ludicrous stats over the sympathy grab they go for with him. It’s also worth pointing out that it’s the three older Nohrians who call out Corrin for trusting Anthony first, putting some of that healthy distrust they show off in Conquest to work again. I don’t like that we’re apparently meant to find Corrin’s endlessly trusting nature endearing because it’s what brought this group together and not, you know, self-insert narrative privilege, but whatever. None of FE14′s routes could go forward at certain points if Corrin didn’t occasionally grab the idiot ball, and at least this time they had the foresight to come up with a backup plan.
And I am actually glad that they did so with Anthony, because while Chapter 20 is more standard Valla fare the trap they fall into in 21 comes with a clever premise that’s fun to play around. I dislike how the chapters continue to be loaded down with entirely too many drops and chests as I mentioned last time, but I find that as long as you plot out routes for your units before you start the size of these maps isn’t a problem.
One final question, since I didn’t bring it up in Birthright: why is the S rank naginata, which is obtained in Chapter 20 in Revelation, called a Waterwheel? Just...why? I have never found an explanation for this.
Chapter 22 + 23
Well of course she has, just look at those growths.
I find Arete intriguing as a character, though not so much either version that appears on screen - the brainwashed servant of Anankos or the sentimental dying mother - but rather the idea of her as she existed against the backdrop of the volatile Nohrian court. That element of her has to pieced together from inferences and bits of information in supports, but it’s clearly there. I fully understand why Revelation includes characters like Arete and Anthony. They have to convey over only a few chapters the nature of Anankos’s rule over Valla and its dominated subjects as well as make for credible threats to Corrin as they trek through the kingdom. This is the main reason why Arete’s real characterization is, much like Garon’s, extremely minimal, because the pain it inflicts on Azura is meant to demonstrate how Anankos operates. It’s a natural lead-in to the antagonists inside Gyges, certainly.
Kind of a shame though that the most lasting impression Arete leaves on the player is that of a boss who just will not give up, seeing as you have to fight her three times. I can’t think of another antagonist in the series who’s fought so often over such a short span of chapters. What’s worse, neither of these maps is very engaging; the first borrows the forest-burning Dragon Veins from Midori’s paralogue without the gimmick of chasing down the boss, while the second demonstrates something everyone already knew, that turn-based platforming is not fun. Scarlet’s return as an enemy leaves no impact unless Corrin or Ryoma fights her, so that’s not working too well either.
Chapter 24 + 25
Chapter 24’s gimmick may not be original, but an optional stealth mission works substantially better here than it does in Path of Radiance’s earlygame since Revelation is already well-established at this point as being one long experiment with gimmicks. I also like how the door mechanic plays into Corrin’s desire to trust Mikoto - and that the last door rewards players willing to go against the desperately trusting personality of their self-insert. Plus, it’s not a complete cheat; one of the first things Mikoto tells Corrin in the chapter is the blue doors are the correct ones, so her contradiction at the ends rings false even on the level of a simple puzzle. For what it’s worth mentioning I never bother with the stealth option here just as I don’t in FE9, because it’s tedious and requires a very specific setup and execution for a reward that’s not really worth it.
I find Mikoto difficult to engage with on an emotional level however, for much the same reason that her death didn’t resonate very strongly with me. It helps this time that all of the Hoshidan royals verbally react to seeing her again, but for Corrin this feels like a less substantial meeting than Azura’s reunion with Arete. Azura and the Hoshidans have memories of these women and the positive influence they played in their lives, whereas Corrin has, what, a few days’ worth of interactions with their mother and some very hazy memories from before their capture? I do like how Mikoto reveals at the end that Corrin is Vallite royalty, not because it adds even more to the super special Avatar status or because it establishes that Corrin and Azura are cousins (surprise sort-of incest, yay!) but because it re-contextualizes their place in the world both connected to and apart from the other royal families. It does absolutely do those two other things and is rather awkward on that basis, of course, but Vallite Corirn is able to comfortably exist in between their two families while still having a place to call their own. A ruined, empty place, but that’s for the epilogue.
At first I was planning on doing Chapter 25 as a separate entry, but then I played through it and realized that it’s just more moving platforms and hard enemies with another family reunion boss that’s nowhere near as emotionally affecting as the previous two. We see nothing of Sumeragi prior to this chapter aside from his brief death scene flashback, and unlike Arete his role as a parental figure overlaps significantly with someone else’s. I don’t get a strong sense of how important this reunion is to anyone except maybe Ryoma, and half of that comes from remembering their one-on-one back in Chapter 5. Come to think of it, the disguised Sumeragi has that quick cameo on the Birthright ship map, right? I suppose that’s technically the only appearance of anything from Valla on that route, although in retrospect it’s even more random for him to have shown up there. So, yeah, harder chapter, but can’t really compare to what came just before as a story moment.
Chapter 26
Betrayed by a Jagen! Who’d have thought we’d ever see the day...unless you consider Orson in FE8 a Jagen, that is.
As big twists in FE go Gunter’s doesn’t quite measure up to some others, like the Belhalla barbecue or Nasir in FE9, but it took me some thinking to properly parse out why this isn’t as effective a climactic reveal despite adequate use of foreshadowing and setting. It actually ties into one of the overall problems I have with Revelation and another time it compares unfavorably to Radiant Dawn (and I’m sorry to keep bringing it up if you hate FE10 or haven’t played it, but the parallels really are apt). One of the biggest genuine criticisms of that game’s plot, particularly near the end, is that the story gets too big for itself and spends all of its final chapters throwing at the player numerous major reveals about the plot and setting, many of them not directly related to each other and only immediately involving some dozen or so of a cast of playable and/or named characters about ten times that size. Like Revelation the pacing is utterly frantic, and moreover it gives the player the impression that in order to understand the Tellius setting as a whole and what themes the developers of that duology were aiming for you have to be intimately familiar with the content of Radiant Dawn’s endgame specifically, which...yeah, you kind of do. How that could have been better handled would be a subject for another post, but suffice it to say that the apparent conclusion that Sephiran did every bad thing (except racism) ever in Tellius as a means of tying everything together rings hollow even in-universe.
The narrative approach of the Valla chapters is similar, but most of its big moments are clearly aiming to be character-driven, fueled by the relationships between the royals and their loved ones forced into fighting them. As I brought up earlier in this post however not many of those moments land because of another major problem Revelation shares with Radiant Dawn, that there’s been almost no time to develop any of those relationships with the plot moving at such a speed. You’d have to have seen Gunter’s supports - which aren’t even accessible on this route - to be able to appreciate at all his history with Corrin, since from the story text of Revelation and Conquest too for that matter there’s little to suggest anything beyond a straightforward master-servant relationship until the very moment when Corrin is pleading with Gunter to resist Anankos’s possession. Without that context the most relatable emotional moment of this chapter comes from Ryoma’s anger at learning the identity of Scarlet’s murderer, which we’re clearly not meant to dwell on much because that might imply Ryoma is capable of holding a grudge. It doesn’t help either that Gunter’s genuine hatred of Garon gets muddied by the Anankos possession angle, something that didn’t come into play until years after he began grooming Corrin as an instrument of his revenge. At least Takumi didn’t go off the deep end until after being possessed.
As for the chapter...ugh, I’m just so tired of this route. Mikoto’s ward actively discourages you from splitting up your forces to go after the absurd number of chests that line this map, and this late in the game there’s almost no reason not to just rush Gunter. Funny that’s he’s pretty underwhelming for an endgame boss - that’s a Jagen for you.
Chapter 27 + Endgame
A question I’ve never seen anyone else ask before: why is Anankos wearing a Buddha mask anyway? It’s apparently just a wall fixture in the castle that he’s hiding behind, and while I get that they wanted to conceal his true size and cosmic horror features for Endgame in the fashion of JRPG bosses with multiple phases the mask is entirely unexplained. Is it meant to be ironic that a dragon styling himself as a god is wearing the face of the major figure of a religion/philosophy with no deities?
I will say that the mechanics of the final battle match the concept of Revelation perfectly. You’re strongly encouraged to split up your forces into three groups to attack all of Anankos’s weak points quickly, which matches up well with the route’s theme of Corrin (and Azura) + Hoshido + Nohr. It’s also not one of those final bosses that’s easier than what came immediately before, so additional kudos for that. Also, Garon’s death on this route is mercifully swift, ripe for even more trauma for the Nohrian royals that no one’s got any time to dwell on.
Aside from those remarks...bleh. The story may conclude faster thanks to lacking the near-death sequences of Birthright and Conquest, but that pace just pushes forward to the very end with Corrin being crowned ruler of a kingdom with no people...except Hoshido and Nohr both cede territory to Valla so that they can have some citizens, because that’s reasonable and won’t cause any confusion or hard feelings. I even took the trouble to S rank Azura, believing incorrectly that it would in some way be reflected in the ending as the only instance of supports in Fates affecting the main plot. Nope, Azura still rejects the rule of Valla and passes it off to her husband as if nothing were different. Then everyone hugs and it’s a little bit gay and the series main theme plays and oh God I’m just glad this route is over. But hey, a chainsaw Fire Emblem is bizarrely badass if you’re into that kind of thing.
PS: Chapter 10 is still The Worst.
Next time: ending and final thoughts on Revelation
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