#i encourage other people to do the same if they're able to!
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THROUGH THICK AND THIN
My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works
Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x human!fem reader
Word count: 2,280
Note: This is from my first BTS imagines book on Wattpad from 2018. This version is the rewritten 2024 version! ALSO THANK YOU FOR 500 FOLLOWERS!!!! WOW
It was early afternoon and you and your best friend, Jungkook, were at your place sitting on the couch watching a movie together. The film of choice was a vampire movie—one of your favorites. Your eyes were glued to the screen, knowing exactly what was about to happen, as the both of you had seen the movie roughly a hundred times.
Someone (a vampire) was about to jump out at the main character, you both saw it coming. At the same moment the person jumped out in the film, Jungkook grabbed you and shouted loudly causing you to yelp in response.
The force from his sudden and lighthearted attack caused you to fall over onto your back, thankful that you were on the couch.
Jungkook hovered over you with a mischievous grin, giving you no time to react as he pretended to bite your neck by making playful growling sounds and nuzzling his nose against your skin.
"Jungkook stop!" You begged through giggles, the ticklish sensation making it hard to speak.
"I'm a vampire!" He exclaimed, continuing to act silly.
You were laughing so hard you could hardly breathe, making minimal effort to stop him due to all your squirming. After a few attempts, you were finally able to push him away a little. He took that as a sign to stop and propped himself up to gaze down at you, the movie long forgotten.
"What would you do if I was actually a vampire?" He asked, his tone lighthearted.
"Hypothetically?"
"Of course."
You huffed out a light chuckle, amused by his question and always up for a little theoretical discussion about things like that.
"I wouldn't care. Vampires are literally my favorite supernatural creature. Plus, it's you. I know you wouldn't hurt me."
He grinned.
"But vampires aren't real, so I know you're not one."
His smile faltered a bit. "Yeah. They're not, are they?"
"But if they were, I wouldn't be bothered."
His smile returned.
He leaned down and gave you a light kiss on your forehead. Affectionate gestures like that weren't uncommon in your friendship, however, they didn't help your crush on Jungkook. As much as you had wanted to confess your feelings, you were also afraid that you were misinterpreting the gestures. Some people are just very affectionate, though you couldn't really recall anyone you knew that platonically kissed their friends.
"Do you like me or something?" The question was asked teasingly and in a playful manner, but you were hoping to get a serious response.
"What?" He asked, surprise lacing his tone.
"Well, you're always giving me little kisses on my face. Do you like me?" You tried to keep your tone light, playing it off as if you were just teasing him.
His expression changed and his eyes avoided yours. "Well..." He trailed off.
The mood shifted, turning more serious.
"Don't be afraid to be honest with me, Jungkook. We've known each other for three years." You encouraged him.
"Yes." He sighed, his eyes closing as if to avoid seeing your reaction.
"I knew it!"
"Y/n, don't embarrass me about it." He huffed.
"Why should you feel embarrassed? I feel the same way about you."
"You feel the same way?"
"Was it not obvious? I let you give me kisses all the time and cuddle with me. I don't ever push you away or tell you to stop. Could you not take a hint?"
"No?" He said it like a question.
"You big goober." You giggled and delivered a light smack to his shoulder.
"I'm not a goober." He defended through laughter. "I just wasn't sure how you felt. That's all."
Your joint laughter soon faded and the room went completely silent, the atmosphere changing in a matter of seconds. Jungkook stared down at you with his big and innocent-looking doe eyes that never failed to make your heart leap. He gulped nervously.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked.
"You kiss me all the ti-"
"On the lips." He specified.
The beating of your heart sped up at his request, only managing to utter a meek, "Yeah."
He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. He kissed you softly, being very gentle and almost hesitant in his actions at first. Only when you reciprocated did he pick up the pace, pressing his lips closer to yours and kissing you harder. What you were experiencing in that moment was nothing like you had ever imagined (and you did imagine it... many times). Raven strands of Jungkook's lengthy hair caressed your forehead as they fell, untucking themselves from behind his heavily pierced ears. The faint ticklish sensation paired with the feeling of his lips moving against your own and his hand that had found its way to your waist was a combination that made your head spin.
Bringing your hands up to his luscious hair, you slid your fingers between the layers of wavy tendrils, playing with his locks. He seemed to like that, as he released a mix between a groan and a sigh against your lips that had butterflies erupting in your stomach. It was after that he began to get rougher. His hands gripped your waist and then one of your thighs, squeezing so hard it almost hurt. The pace of his breathing got heavier and you could've sworn you heard a faint growl from the back of his throat.
He pulled away for only a moment, reattaching his lips to your jawline, his piercing dragging against your skin making your eyelids flutter. He placed hot kisses down the side of your neck where he started nipping at the sensitive skin. His hands went back to squeezing your waist, the inhuman grip making you wince.
As much as you enjoyed the moment, it was now getting to a point where it was no longer enjoyable for you and his intensity was making you nervous.
"J-Jungkook." You didn't mean to stutter, but things were heating up very fast and he didn't seem to realize how uncomfortable you were.
He nipped harshly at your neck, making you release a small squeak of surprise.
"Jungkook!"
As if your voice had broke through an invisible barrier, Jungkook snapped out of his daze and pulled away. He was breathing so heavily his shoulders were heaving up and down. His eyes were wide with fear as if he realized he was about to do something terrible.
He looked scared.
"What was that all about?" You inquired.
"I-I have to go." He scrambled off you and went to grab his keys.
"Jungkook-"
"I need to go right now, Y/n." His voice was firm as he spoke, walking out of your apartment without another word or even an explanation.
You sat there dumbfounded.
The door to your apartment slammed shut and just like that, you were left a confused and flustered mess on the couch.
He was in such a hurry to leave, barely managing to speak without stumbling over his words, it had you worried.
Was it something you did? Did he regret kissing you?
The longer you sat on the couch, stewing in your anxious thoughts, the worse you felt. It got to a point where it became unbearable and you found yourself reaching for your phone.
You
If I did something wrong, I'm sorry
You sighed, leaning your head back on the couch cushions to stare at the ceiling, memorizing the texture while worrisome thoughts flooded your mind once again.
After sitting for an unknown amount of time, you decided to go check on Jungkook in person. He hadn't responded to your text and it was beginning to worry you. If you had somehow done something to make him uncomfortable, you wanted to know and you wanted it taken care of right away. The both of you had been through thick and thin together. Good times and bad times. And if something was bothering either one of you, you talked about it.
The first place you drove to was a nearby park, a place where the both of you liked spending time at, but Jungkook was nowhere to be found. If he needed to clear his head, you assumed he would've been there. The only other place he could possibly be was home.
It didn't take long for you to arrive at his apartment building since he lived nearby. You hastened inside and went straight to his floor.
When you arrived at his front door, you didn't bother knocking. The both of you had been friends for years and neither of you usually knocked when you visited each other.
You stepped inside and saw Jungkook's keys lying on the floor along with the glass dish that usually held them. The bowl looked as if it had been knocked over and a huge piece was broken off of it.
Oh no.
Your first thought was that he was hurt, or maybe someone had broken in. You hoped it was neither.
"Jungkook?" You called out.
"Y/n?" His startled voice came from the kitchen.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." He answered frantically.
"The glass dish by your door is broken. I thought you cut yourself."
"No. I'm fine."
You proceeded towards the kitchen, only for him to speak up when he heard you approaching the entryway.
"Don't come in here!"
"Why not?"
"I-uh I lied. I did cut myself. Sorry. I didn't want you to worry about me."
"I can help if you want." You responded, stepping into the kitchen.
"No please don-" Jungkook tried to stop you, but before he could finish his sentence, you were already standing in the doorway.
What you had expected to see was nowhere near the sight you were met with.
Jungkook's beautiful and captivating rich brown eyes were a deep shade of red, his mouth smeared with blood that matched his crimson irises. As if that wasn't jarring enough, you spotted two sharp fangs poking out of his mouth, which hung slightly agape in shock.
"Y/n. Don't freak out."
"You're a..." The sentence went unfinished, as your voice was stuck in your throat. You were too stunned to even utter the word that floated about in your head.
"Please don't be scared."
Jungkook took a step towards you, but you instinctively took one back, your actions making him frown.
Too overwhelmed, you spun around and took off towards the front door, jerking it open and bolting out as fast as you could.
You didn't get very far when your legs slowed and you came to a complete stop in the hallway as your rational thinking finally kicked in. What were you doing?
Jungkook's words from earlier that night replayed in your head.
"What would you do if I was actually a vampire?"
Your expression fell into one of disappointment, your heart sinking. It wasn't just a silly question. He was being serious when he asked you that.
Your words came to the forefront of your mind, hitting you like a knife to the chest.
"I wouldn't care. Vampires are literally my favorite supernatural creature. Plus, it's you. I know you wouldn't hurt me."
Why were you running away? What you said to him earlier was true, though you assumed the question was theoretical. Still, your answer was genuine. And yet, here you are standing in the hallway of his apartment building ready to flee like a scared animal.
Not only that, but it was clear Jungkook didn't want you to see him like that. He tried to stop you from coming into the kitchen and yet, you ignored him. If only you had listened. Then again, you thought he was hurt. You were worried. How were you supposed to know he was only trying to hide his identity from you?
There was no time for overthinking, you had to make things right.
Spinning around on your heel, you hurried back inside Jungkook's apartment.
When you found him, he was leaned over the kitchen counter, sniffling. His head shot up when he heard you enter the room.
"Y/n?" Your name was uttered weakly.
Clearly, he wasn't expecting you to return.
The blood had been cleaned from around his mouth and his appearance had returned to normal.
"I'm sorry." Your apology came out in a pathetically feeble voice, your jaw clenching to stop the tears that threatened to well up in your eyes.
Wasting no time, you ran up and hugged him as tightly as you possibly could. He wrapped his arms around you, relaxing in your hold as a sense of relief washed over him like a soothing wave.
"You asked me what I would think if you were actually a vampire. I answered honestly, though I thought you were just asking silly hypothetical questions. Now I see why you asked it in the first place." You sighed. "I'm really sorry for running away. I was caught off guard and unable to process everything."
"It's okay. That's completely understandable. Besides, I shouldn't have kept it a secret from you."
You pulled back and looked at him, gently wiping his cheeks where he had been crying.
"Hey. Through thick and thin. Remember?"
He nodded.
"So... we confessed to each other earlier. Does that mean I'm dating a vampire?"
Jungkook chuckled. "I suppose it does. As long as you're okay with that."
"Are you kidding? I'm more than okay with it."
He grinned at your response, swiftly sweeping you into his arms.
"What do you say we pick up where we left off earlier?"
"I like the sound of that." You giggled as he attached his lips to yours and carried you off to his room.
Jimin ♱ Yoongi ♱ Taehyung ♱ Namjoon ♱ Hoseok ♱ Jin [COMING SOON]
Masterlist ᝰ — enjoyed this imagine? reblogs & comments are very much appreciated!
DO NOT steal, plagiarize, copy, repost, alter, or translate my works in any way
🏷 @h3arteyes4mingi @weird-bookworm @poppy2007 @parkjennykim @evidive @mxlly143 @lizzymizzy-blogg @minhanbyeol @dinossaurz @laylasbunbunny
#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook x y/n#jungkook x y/n#jeon jungkook x you#jungkook x you#bts vampire au#bts imagines#bts oneshot#bts scenarios#jungkook vampire au
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Toxic Tumblr Communities
Tumblr is a very interesting place. I feel like women have always dominated this website. While it's a great place for women to express themselves, it's obviously created a lot of really toxic communities that in all honestly could probably only be created by women. You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You've got communities that normalize harmful behavior (self-harm, anorexia, drug taking) and communities that normalize harmful relationship dynamics (the teacher crush and true crime communities, the ddlg community, the kink community in general, etc.), all kinds of different shit. I won't deny that these are all really harmful in their own ways. BUT I can't stand the way many people talk about them.
It's not uncommon for people to make YouTube videos talking about these communities, and totally eviscerating the posters without showing a single shred of empathy, despite most of the posters being depressed, isolated, and traumatized teen girls.
When it comes to the communities that revolve around toxic behavior, I kind of hate how the posters are treated as if it is their fault and their fault alone for other people picking up on the behaviors. If someone looks at thinspo or a SH picture and is like "YES I want that!" did the post directly create those feelings? Or maybe JUST MAYBE the person viewing the post was already mentally ill and now they just become encouraged to be a part of a community with people they relate to? Also I kinda hate how people accuse these posters of "romanticizing" the things that they do, I really don't think it's true most of the time. I think what happens is that women are conditioned into always wanting to appear beautiful, and so they want even their pain to be beautiful. Which is why they then write "sadgirl" poetry about cutting or whatever. I also think it's a coping mechanism. If you're going through something difficult, the least you can do is be poetic about it. I also think that a lot of the times it's a cry for help. It's common to make fun of the emo girl who cuts for attention but even if it's for attention she's still hurting herself.
There are also communities that "romanticize" bad relationship dynamics. When it comes to the teacher crush community, I honestly don't think it deserves the hatred it gets. 99% of the posters have no plans to actually get with their teachers. In YouTube videos about this community, they often respond to the rare posts where underage girls gush about how their high school teacher reciprocates their love. The YouTubers blame the girl for posting about the situation and "romanticizing" it, rather than blaming the fucking adult male for taking advantage of a high schooler. It's abhorrent and I can't stand it.
The true crime community is less defensible, but even then, most of the girls do not support violence, it's more so a fantasy of being able to fix a evil man. And I honestly think it's reflective of the way society tells women and girls that they are responsible for men's feelings and actions, even the very worst of them. And pretty much all the posters are either depressed and isolated teen girls or 30-something year old women who have a history of dating violent and abusive men. When people criticize this community, there's something about the way they do it that's almost victim-blamey, idk. I won't act like what they're doing isn't harmful to the victims, but people act as if drawing the Columbine dudes being yaoi boyfriends or whatever is just as bad as the fucking shooting itself.
And the ddlg community on here mainly seems to be fronted by "littles" who roleplay as underage children having sex with their parents. Again, this is a baddd thing to be encouraging, even if it's through role-play. But I HATE how people act like pretending to be the little is the same as pretending to be the adult. All these girls are fantasizing about roleplaying sexual abuse and idk about you but they really do seem like victims to me. This is not a pass for them to promote harmful behavior but again I just hate the double standards. These people are turned on by being victimized and people somehow don't feel any sympathy for them. They act as if it's the EXACT SAME as being turned on by victimizing others.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I HATE how the standards for women are so much higher than they are for men. Women will post about the pain they are causing themselves, and society gets angry with them for daring to be upfront about it and/or trying to make it seem "beautiful". Women will post about how they want to be victimized, and society gets angry at them for promoting toxic relationships, while not offering them a shred of empathy and asking WHY they want that.
Idk I have a lot of thoughts on this. I'm not saying these girls are completely blameless and I really don't want it to be interpreted that way, but it's crazy to me the way people act like they are heinous and evil (and not like, victims of patriarchal conditioning) for romanticizing situations where they would be victimized.
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just some thoughts from sherlock and co. Mailbag episode
honestly I did this to myself and at 3am no less.
In an mailbag episode on the sherlock and co. patreon, answering a question on their favorite musicals, John answered Les Misèrables. And being the romantic we know our loveable doctor to be, I was perusing the songs from the 2013 movie album and came across On My Own.
Sung by Èpoine about her unrequited love for Marius. And that is sad in its own regard, there's a reason it's one of the musicals most popular songs and Samantha Barks does a great job of that crushing emotional weight of being so wrapped in someone, so ultimately dazzled by them and wanting to be near them. But knowing they will not look at you the same, will not place the same value on the time and proximity you share. And that is not their fault and it is hard to love someone and desire to be close and yet have them be the source of your greatest pain and rejection, even though they may wish you no harm.
It's been hinted at and out right stated (by Sherlock) that John wants to be liked. And given what we've heard about John's last relationship (the one whereby he gained ownership of Archie after the split) and perhaps some insecurities there, insecurities in his own capabilities, comparing himself to others, its understandable to read John as something of an insecure man. Not in a toxic manner but John definitely has a lot of self doubts about himself and his place in the world and what he can offer to others. Despite him so naturally being able to attune to people and their needs and being quite bloody smart and intuitive. All round just a decent person.
And John, as much as anyone, marvels at Sherlock Holmes. This almost mythical figure. John admires Sherlock and maybe envies him on some level. I think not in Sherlock's deduction skills or specific knowledge skillsets but maybe in Sherlock's apparent surety in himself and where he is in life and what he wants from it. Sherlock is plainly himself, even if it means not "fitting in " John often tries to mould himself to what others might like, and hey, as a people pleaser, oh boy do I understand that. Almost becomes like muscle memory.
Sherlock in turn, I think admires John's social prowess. His ability to express the complexity of emotions. Just because someone doesn't emote the typical way doesn't mean they don't feel the emotions. And that can be incredibly frustrating when you want to communicate with others. Sherlock cares about people. He's interested in people. And he can't always express or connect with them in the way he wants. Like a language barrier he mentioned in another mailbag episode. That is why Sherlock and John work. They draw out in each other and supplement for the qualities they lack or yearn to have more of. They're a balancing act. A good one. And I'm not the first to point that out.
All this to say, imagine when that act is separated. The Fall. Grown so comfortable to have the other's support, always by each others side and then, suddenly the other person isn't there. And you have to remember how you functioned without them before. But you can't go back. You're not the same person you were. But if they aren't there to remind you, to encourage you, it's easy to fall back into old habits.
And so the song. On My Own. From John's perspective, watching the man the myth the dazzling legend that is Sherlock Holmes, getting swept up in the adventures, feeling totally out of place but thrilled be along for the ride, participating, maybe growing in confidence all because of coincidental flat share with possibly the most brilliant and bizzare man he's ever met. The world is changing for John Watson. And Sherlock is seemingly at the center of it all. He's found purpose. Friends. A home. Maybe more. But John is as fallible in his assumptions as any of us are. And Sherlock appears to have no interest in such relationships and John, not confident enough to make the first move. So he can daydream. Of what it would be like to be with Sherlock. And what it would be like be without Sherlock.
And then the Fall. And he truly is without Sherlock and his world has dulled and greyed and blurred. The city has lost its glimmer. The flat is quiet. The words are meaningless. And John sits with his what ifs.
Don't think of John hearing this song. Of the heartbreak of knowing that you can ever be with the one you love. And knowing that taste of what brilliant technicolours the world is when you were with them, full of stimulating twinkling lights. And thinking it could never be that way again. Don't imagine John, sat in the flat, in the achingly quiet flat, as a woman sings for her never was love, head in his hands, Archie resting his head on John's knee. Don't think of John cursing himself for not being sure enough to tell Sherlock how he felt, for not being good enough again to save his friend. Don't think of John Watson, once again, on his own.
#sherlock and co#sherlock and co.#sherlock & co#sherlock homes#john watson#I just have a lot of feelings about these two okay?#I dunno if I expressed myself well but here we are#jonklock
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sorry for always writing essays in the tags of every imagines post i reblog. it Will happen again /silly
#can you tell that i Really enjoy imagines posts#both writing and reading them!!!#some of them have spurred me on to draw and write stuff for my selfship!! and i love being able to inspire others to do the same!!#or just for their imagination to run wild or for them to feel comforted or happy or seen#it's like free therapy :')#may this post serve also as an indication that i am 100% ok with and very much encourage people to reblog my imagines posts#with art/writing or just lots of tags!!#i love hearing about everyone's ships and what the prompts/imagines make them feel if they're comfortable sharing!!!! <3#n's rambles 💬
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.
#i miss going to shul a lot but I'm. conflicted.#my medical stuff that was preventing a lot of it has been improving to the point where i think i technically could again#but the only synagogue that's easily accessible for me is... i dunno. i love the community there#i really do. but they don't have a Rabbi or even offer Judaism 101 classes so i can't progress in conversion like i desperately want#and on top of it they always - at least when I've gone - have some sort of pastor or preacher present who is encouraged to participate#disregarding my distaste with them having Christian leaders present but no Rabbi because i know they're hurting financially#(the previous one retired RIGHT before i was able to start attending. i even got to meet his last conversion student on my first trip. ouch)#i have such severe Christian trauma that the last time i went and the preacher started talking about the bible i nearly had a full blown#panic attack that would've sent me running out of the room if i wasn't trapped in place by how mortified i would've been by doing that#so while i applaud their outreach program stuff and do agree with its necessity because of the size and area they're in#i just. don't feel safe going. but i can't get to the other nearest ones without having to make multiple people drive me.#and it's so close to the High Holy Days that i don't want to scare anyone or be a bother. and i can't get over the feeling that#I'd be abandoning the first community that welcomed me despite them pointing me in this direction since they know they can't help me convert#because i don't know if I'd be able to bring myself to go back even if i wanted to#but at the same time... i can't as easily get to the others. so what would i be meant to do after finishing my conversion?#assuming i even COULD because of the distance.#sigh...#no one said it was gonna be easy but of all the possible hurdles did it really have to be these?#(i wonder sometimes how much their struggle to get more than a handful of people to show up regularly#might also have to do with the fact that I'm not sure how many Jews want to listen to Christian interpretations of the Torah on Shabbos...)
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okay so !!!! so what if you’re a jealous and possessive pet? like your boy tells you it’s okay to play with the other boys and the other pets and even encourages you like sucking their cock or riding them or eating out one of the other pets but the image of him doing that with someone else’s pet just shatters you. if they’re in a different room that’s bad but being able to see it happen is even worse. you can see the smile they give and the sounds they make and you thought you were special to them but it doesn’t feel like that — how would the boys reconcile something like that?
like knowing the other boys and pets are sharing and playing and you feel bad, especially when they’re all together and everyone is playing but your boy is the only one who’s not and it tears you up because you want him to enjoy and have fun but the thought of him kissing someone else or fucking them, finishing inside them… you could cry.
(bonus angst where one of the boys goes and visits another pet and comes back smelling like them, maybe marked and obviously fucked, and you hadn’t necessarily talked about that yet and it just crushes you and you refuse to sleep in the same bed as them for…. well, for awhile.)
UGH. YOU. I LOVE ANGST.
im a whore for hurt/no comfort so ill try to help write something here cuz if it was me, they can kick rocks. but its not. So.
for the first part, oh man. It's a bottle-it-in situation, imo, because i feel this in my soul. The low grunts you worked so hard to wrestle out of them are easily tumbling out of their mouth now, because of your hard work. It's something so gut-wrenching because that face of ecstasy should only be for you? Then the insecurities kick in. What if they're prettier, what if they're tighter, what if they're simply in another league altogether? (this is me as a hit dog that is hollering)
he's never treated your playdates as a chance to essentially cheat without cheating, he honestly only wanted you to make friends—wanted to expand on the kink you live and breathe by. But regardless, that's how it feels. And this is where the shutdown begins. The silence, the lack of enthusiasm for wanting to put on your collar, the distancing, and when he says, "Does my pet want to play with me today?" you burst into tears. Ugly sobbing, loud wails.
He freezes, for a second, because never in the time you've been together has he ever heard you cry like this. It's agonizing and when he immediately throws himself at your feet, he tries to cup your face with his large hands when you jerk yourself away from his touch.
You've never rejected his touch.
His heart cracks with hairline fractures because this is his love, his future that's falling into pieces in front of him and you don't even want his comfort. He lowers his hands and fists at the fabric of his trousers to hold back from reaching out to you.
For the first time in a long time, his eyes well with tears, and he swallows thickly, trying to open up his throat a bit to be able to say something, anything.
His voice warbles as he says, "Baby, talk to me." He gives you plenty of time to respond, but you don't. Once the tears are exhausted and your body is worn out, you simply turn your head to the side, eyes away from him. The tears that had distorted his vision now fall, dripping onto the cold floor he's still kneeling on. You don't even want to look at him.
"Talk to me, baby, please." His forehead touches your knee. "Please." His tone is desperate as he begs. The sight of a man who's killed people with his bare hands, sniveling by your feet pulls at your own heartstrings. Sigh.
"Would you like to know where you erred?" He whips his head up to look at you, nodding like an idiot.
"Your mistake, was assuming I wanted to share and be shared." He opens his mouth to say something, but you're not here to listen to him. He's here to listen to you.
"No. You presumed I wanted to the same as the other pets, just because we share the same kink? I had to sit there and watch— listen to you fuck someone else, and I couldn't say anything because then I would've been the buzzkill."
You clench your jaw and look directly into his eyes. "Do you know what it's like? No. You don't. You forget that the boys are your friends, your brothers in arms. Not mine. I sat with acquaintances, at best, and had to stomach whatever the fuck that was."
"I no longer wish to—" but he panics here, adapts a crazy-eyed look and cuts you off.
"No, no, no. Please, god no. You're my everything, you, I—" he hiccups, and his shoulders start to shake once he wraps his arms around your waist, and lowers his head onto your knees again, and chokes out, "I am nothing without you. Please."
Having cried all your tears, your sadness fades into sharp, biting anger. "It didn't seem like it though. You were quick to pass me around like some harlot. You're just gonna give me to anyone you see? Hm? What about the neighbor that has been hitting on m—" and he jerks his head back up, eyes deadly, dark with hostility.
"I'd fucking kill him for even having the audacity to ask if he could touch you the way I do."
Scoffing, you say, "And that's how I felt. Fucking strangers touching what should be only mine, kissing what is only mine," your tone turns hushed, "what I thought was mine, anyway."
Holding his gaze, you purse your lips. "I need time to think. You broke my trust. I'm not sure how to move forward from here."
--
this is too long im sorry uh, so he gives you all the time in the world, all the space you need, for which you're grateful. He's not overbearing, never crowds you. never says anything out of line. He seems fully repentant, dotes on you like his only reason for existing is to keep you as happy as you can feel. He tells you he loves you every bloody day, even if you don't repeat it back. He says it firm, unwavering.
And that's the balm that allays the pain in your heart. But you love him, still, so so much. With a deep breath, you tell him that you're not going to leave him, that you love him still and that's why it hurt the way that it did. But he'll have a ton of groveling to do.
The shaky smile he gives is full of relief. He pulls you to him, in an embrace so tight that you can barely even breathe. And after, he holds your face so tenderly, as if you're made of porcelain, and asks for a kiss, one you agree to. It conveys everything he's been sayings all this time, that he loves you.
and months pass, intimacy slowly turns back to what it was, but with reverent kisses and worship spilling from his lips. Words so sweet, that you break down in tears mid-act because you feel something finally shift back into place. Ofc, he freaks because "Darling, oh god, what's happened" but you pull him in for a kiss, and just tell him that you love him so much. His smile is soft as he says it back.
Then you pull out the collar again, and he panics but you calm him. That you feel ready. You want to play with your owner, and your heart is in his hands, to please take care of it.
A couple of tears fall from his eyes as he clicks your collar back around your neck and swears to never hurt you this way again.
Playdates turn into him being the only one to touch you and vice versa. And he answers to no one when they ask why.
i had a good time im sorry its so long I JUST LOVE ANGST PLEASE.
I hope i gave you what you were looking for ❤
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Serendipity
chapter eight
summary: it was only meant to be a purely transactional relationship. he would help her strengthen her abilities in return for her getting his friends out of his father's nasty path. he didn't mean to fall for her, but loving her was the easiest thing in his dark world.
no use of y/n, but your general nickname is Meadow. all characters are aged up to be over 18.
pairings: mattheo riddle x fem!ravenclaw reader; platonic!slytherins x fem!reader; platonic!golden trio x fem!reader
warning(s): 18+ content, unprotected sex (use protection obvs), rough undertones but not really, bro's possessive as fuck
series masterlist; previous part; next part
Your old Professor had given you some much needed insight over the Christmas holidays. Harry had dragged you and Ron to sit in agonising silence as he and Remus had a back and forth battle of wills over Harry's wild theories. Remus was certain that Voldemort wouldn't recruit inexperienced, young adults who were barely eighteen, but you knew he was wrong about that, especially considering he was recruited into the Order as soon as he was no longer a Hogwarts student.
Theo had not replied to a single letter; you'd sent countless over the small three week break.
Remus had yelled at Harry for making such harsh accusations, then had apologised not ten minutes later. It was a full moon after all, and he was still grieving over Sirius' death. Before that had sullied the peaceful evening, you confided in your old Professor before lunch had been served, who was more than willing to offer his profound wisdom to you.
"Sir? Can I-" you hesitate in the doorway of the Burrow's living room, feet teetering on the edge of the threshold, the smell of Mrs Weasley's cooking permeating the calm air. Before you could continue, Professor Lupin let out a hoarse chuckle and invited you to settle in the cushioned sofa next to him.
"I'm not your Professor anymore," he spoke your name softly, "please call me Remus."
"Okay sorry. Can I ask you something, Remus?"
"Of course. I'll try to help in anyway I can." his encouraging smile led to you spilling what was on your mind – he'd always been easy to confide in.
"I've been doing some extra reading on further subjects," you start, chewing on a hangnail on your thumb. "about- about siphons."
Remus stilled. If you weren't so nervous you would have narrowed your eyes in suspicion.
"What have you learned so far?" his response was slow and curious; carefully constructed.
"Well other than the fact that they don't draw magic from their cores...nothing. And every book in the library says the same thing." you let out a frustrated sigh and he seems to take pity on you.
"Siphons are extremely rare, which you know, of course." one of his hands cups his jaw contemplatively, as if he's choosing his words with careful precision. "That's why there's so little information, because there are very few people alive who have been able to record their true nature.
What we do know, is that siphons can completely draw out sources of magic into themselves; drain it to nothing to gain that power. They're very volatile in thats sense because no one knows how much power they can truely handle."
He gave no indication that he saw the way your flinched at his words. You were grateful for it.
"But surely harbouring that much power would be dangerous? Nature demands a balance." you say in a small voice.
He mumbles your name with a knowing look of understanding before patting your shoulder, indicating an end to the conversation but you still catch his parting words: "Look in the restricted section, in books about forbidden magical and mythical creatures and you'll find what you're looking for. Consult Professor Dumbledore too, it would be more useful than soley relying on my account."
"Thankyou sir- Remus." he leaves you there, chuckling quietly at your correction as he let you know that he'd see you at dinner later in the day. You're left infinitely more confused than before you initiated the conversation, but as you left through the opposite door that led to the bedrooms upstairs to find Ginny, you failed to see the curious eyes of you best friend, hidden under his cloak of invisibility.
~∞~
Something had changed over the holidays. The air around the castle was different; a dark, sinister energy permeating the comforting warmth that the magical wards usually bathed the castle grounds in. You didn't know how you felt the shift moreso than your friends. Maybe it was the January weather, or the fact that you missed the comfort of home, but you knew in your gut that things were different now. Your stubbornness didn't want to admit that it could be a result of your new abilities that hadn't shown since Katie Bell's incident.
It became evident in your patrol evenings with Theodore, too. He was withdrawn, sullen and constantly aggravated; if he bothered to show up at all sometimes. You knew what it meant and you kept this piece of information to yourself, lest it gave your friends one more reason for you to avoid the Slytherins.
But you made a promise; one that you wouldn't break.
The change was even more evident in your sessions with Mattheo. He was pushing you to your limit, and getting exceedingly frustrated with you, for no reason. He was angry at the world and at you, apparently.
After a considerably hard yank at your innermost thoughts, you shoved him out with a glare, which he returned tenfold.
"Okay. Ow? Why are you being so aggressive?" you snap, massaging your throbbing temples. He scoffed at you and moved to stand, beginning to pace.
"What? You don't think someone trying to infiltrate your mind won't be? Don't be so naive, I can see all your thoughts. Shut. Me. Out." He spat your name out like it was filth to him, and you suppose it was at one point in time. Pushing youself to stand, you make your way to him so you were chest to chest.
"What is your problem?" you question, narrowing your eyes at him as he stared back with deadly, onyx eyes. He scoffed and turned away from you, fingers rubbing at his temples as if this whole conversation was giving him a headache.
"It is giving me a headache." he spat and your glare intensified. "You're not focused, your mind is unraveling at the seams. It's like you haven't made any progress at all."
You startled him with the cold laugh that escaped you. "That's rich." you spat, your pointer finger digging into his strong chest. "You're a hypocrite Mattheo. You have been unfocused for the last week. So answer me this: what is your issue?"
In seconds he had you pinned against a wall that you hadn't noticed he had been backing you into, his breathing heavy and cold as ice. His hand was wrapped loosely around the base of your throat, not tight enough to harm but enough to pose a threat.
"You know nothing about me, Princess." his voice was a low and deadly rasp that sent coils of dread right down to the tips of your toes, but you couldn't deny the blatent arousal that was beginning to fester. "You know nothing, yet you're still willing to be in a room with me. Willing to let me do things to you that your friends would abhor you for. Willing to keep secrets from the very people you should trust with your life."
You cursed the flush in your cheeks, and the lust in your eyes.
"You've been dancing with the devil for months, sweetheart." his voice was a nocuous whisper as his lips grazed your's with controlled precision. The sharp feeling of his teeth piercing your bottom lip invaded all your senses along with the metallic taste of blood. "You should've expected that I'd behave as such."
He kissed you then, an art of carefully thought out distraction as he sucked on the wound he created. But he underestimated you as you raked your fingers through his unruly, dark curls. Wandlessly, wordlessly, you willed the Legillimens spell to take hold and you were thrust into his mind, barraging through his fortified shields as if they were mere shadows ready to be swept away.
You were thrown into a seat at an overly large dinner table, that could seat at least thirty people, Bellatrix Lestrange seated adjacent to the seat opposite you, causing you to flinch at the phantom feeling of her cruciatus curse from the Department of Mysteries. The room was vast, with a towering ceiling filled with delicate Jacobean decor, it was dark and foreboding; you didn't want to be here.
You were sat to the right of Death himself.
Voldemort didn't acknowledge you and the words he spoke were a garbled blur of nothing as your attention was brought to the back of the room, by the double doors to the Entrance Hall. Draco Malfoy walked in, followed by Lorenzo and....and Theodore.
The next moment made you want to scream and cry as Mattheo was forced to stand before his friends, before Voldemort's loyal followers who were a mere spillage of darkness to your vision, and tortured by his own father. Somehow this was more painful than the memories you'd seen of his in those first few lessons; knowing it had been as recent as the week before. You gaped as Voldemort merely turned to Enzo and Theo; you fought tooth and nail to stop the inevitable as you watched them writhe and scream as the Dark Mark appeared on their left forearms.
You were shoved so violently from his mind that your head collided painfully with the wall behind you. You were staring at him, wide eyed and wincing as he glared down at you, murderously.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't- I'm sorry." you tried to catch your breath, only now realising that the hold he had on your throat had tightened upon reflex. Your hands flew to the singular wrist that helf your life in his hands, clawing as it flexed. "Mattheo-"
You watched in understandable horror as a smirk painted his beautiful face. Your wrists continued their assault with renewed vigour.
"I'm very impressed." he mumbled, his face drawing closer to your's, his voice a sensual whisper in your ear. "No one has ever been able to do what you just did."
He pressed a kiss to the shell of your ear and you trembled as the hold he had on your throat did not let up.
"What are you going to do to me?" you whispered hoarsely, fear painting your tone. He snickered at your predicament and the tightness surrounding your throat lessened considerably, but he maintained a loose grip, a warning.
"I want to do unspeakable things to you, sweetheart." he said, his voice a reflection of the arousal that was pressing heavily against your abdomen. His smirk widened as you shuddered at the way he said your name. "I'd like to think that I'm an honourable man. And I want to do the honourable thing, but I've resisted you for far too long."
Weeks worth of avoidance came to head in that moment as he surged forward, finally pressing his lips to your's. You could taste cigarettes on his tongue and his cologne filled your lungs with every breathe you managed to gasp between heated kisses. The wound on your lip pulsed from the attention, the pain causing a whine to crawl up the back of your throat. The kiss deepened.
His hands roamed over your entire body; hips, waist, thighs. Like he didn't know where to settle them, while his body pressed you further into the wall with pure male strength – you wanted to climb him like a tree. Somehow you managed to pull away from his ministrations, heavy breath mingling with his.
"You're not angry that I just broke through your shields?" you ask with a furrowed brow. He only lets out a quiet laugh as he shakes his head, leaning down to suck on the sensitive skin of your neck, then soothing the marred skin with presses of his lips and swipes of his tongue. You breathed out an airy moan at the sensation, tilting your head back to grant him more access.
"A little miffed." he mumbled agaist your skin. "But not angry. No one has ever been able to do that, except you apparently. Smart girl."
He didn't speak for another minute or so, content with marking your smooth skin instead.
"I'm proud. These lessons are paying off, it seems." and you hear it in the tone of his voice, the pride. You respond with a stifled laugh as he bites into the sensitive flesh of your collarbone and you swat at his shoulders.
"You're always content in making my life difficult." you tut, but make no move to stop him as he begins to unravel the knot in your tie. "Do you know how long it takes to cover these up? With and without magic!"
"Don't want you to cover them up." he mumbles, so quietly that you almost miss it. But you don't miss the possessive gleam that ignited in his onyx eyes. "You're mine."
You're mine. The words echoed through every corner of your mind.
"Am I?" you challenge and you pull him closer to you as you weave the fabric of his tie through your fingers. He growls as he rips your school shirt in two, ignoring your admonishing protests as he pulls it from your body. This continues until your stood in nothing but your under garments.
"Beautiful." he mumbles as he traces featherlight touches down your body with his calloused hands. "Absolutely breathtaking."
"Well I don't think it's very fair that I'm the only one whose indecent." you snark, though your attempts at hiding your anticipation were rubbish at best.
"So undress me, darling." he says after a split second of reluctance, his voice low and demanding, it makes your thighs clench. Looking at him through dark lashes, you begin to unknot his tie, slow and teasing. The buttons of his shirt are next, popped one by one by your nimble fingers; when you raise to your tiptoes to smoothly remove his shirt from his shoulders he tenses as you come face to face with his lean, quidditch built torso.
That's when you see it. Ink black and imposing against his tanned, muscular forearm. Covered in thick scars, old and new, was the Dark Mark. Your breath hitched in your throat as you trailed your fingers lightly across it. Mattheo shivered at the feeling.
"Scared?" he asks, voice low, you almost detect a hint of shame...or something else.
"Of you?" you ask, taking his left hand in both of your's, fingers running soft circles across his palm. "No."
"You should be." he says it like he believes it to be true. His fingers flex in your hold and then tighten, squeezing your's in earnest.
"I'm scared for you, Mattheo. For all of you. This," your pointer finger trails against the Mark, "isn't fair."
He smiles at you then, all soft and sad and heartbreaking. "This is the life I've been dealt, love. No use in trying to stop it."
You brought his forearm level with your face and begin to press gentle kisses to his marred skin. His breath hitches and you can't place the look he gives you.
"You're not a monster." you mumble between soft caresses. "You're kind and intelligent, and compassionate and honourable. You've been dealt an awful card, yet you haven't let it ruin you. Not entirely. That says everything and more, Matty."
"Say that again." he says, onyx eyes staring resolutely into your's.
"Say what?" you ask, brows furrowed as he practically rips his arm from your hold, only to pull you closer to him by your waist. You both seem to realise that you're both near naked – only your underwear and his trousers separating the two of you. Your cheeks heat.
"My name. Say it."
"Make me." you say with a barely contained smirk. He lets out a near growl as he cups the back of your neck in his giant palms and presses a demanding kiss to your kiss-swollen lips.
It's not pretty. It's all teeth-gnashing and lip biting and purely animalistic.
You'd both been resisting eachother past blind fumbles in the dark and post-session make outs but you'd never been this exposed to each other before. It was exhilarating.
"Fuck!" he gritted against you. "You're so fucking pretty."
You whimpered against him as he sucked at your tongue, and that seemed to push him past his controlled limit. One of his hands guides your thigh to rest against his hip and he battles with his trousers to get them low enough to release his painfully hard cock.
You're not one to beg often, but your desire for the boy in front of you was too great to ignore. With a mewl and a whisper of pleas he pushed the fabric of your panties aside and pushed into you. The tightness and the pain of the action made you both groan in unison.
"Gods, sweetheart. You feel so much better than I imagined." he says against your lips as he pushes in to the hilt. He presses away the tears that fall from your eyes.
"Please move." you say as you attach your lips to his neck in an effort to stifle your moans as he begins at a slow pace, graciously letting you adjust to his size. He's bigger than anyone you'd had before him, the tip of him grazing places you didn't think was possible to reach. You were a mess of whines and moans as he adjusted you in his hold; letting out a shriek when he begins to repeatedly ram against a spot inside you that brought you immediate pleasure.
"Gods! Right there Matty, fuck....please!"
He smiles a wicked, sinister smile at you as he drags one moan after another from your lips. He takes both your hands into one of his and pins them above your head, restricting you to the wall.
"That's it, sweetheart." Mattheo rasps, revelling in the way you clench around him. "Moan my name."
His movements are precise and controlled. His pleasure deriving from the way he was making you come undone at the seams. He brings his free hand to the apex of your thighs, brushing them against your throbbing clit, smirking as his motion draws you closer to your orgasm.
You're not certain how long has passed since he entered you, but you feel like you're having an out of body experience as he rips an orgasm from you so suddenly that you don't know where the pleasure starts and ends.
You're a whimpering, moaning mess as he uses the extra slick to speed up his movements, which become erratic and lose their rhythm as he gets closer to his own release. The only sound to be heard are your soft whines, his grunts and the sound of skin slapping against skin as he finally reaches his own climax.
His forehead rests against your's, both gleaming with a light layer of sweat as you bask in the feeling of him. His dark brows furrow as you let out a soft laugh.
"What's so funny?" he asks, a light smile gracing his face as he memorises every inch of your skin.
"I think you just ruined me for anyone else." you say, breathless.
"Good." he growls, that possessive gleam in his eyes again as you feel him harden inside you. "As far as I'm concerned no one else can have you."
He's rolling his hips against your's before you can utter a snarky response.
~∞~
The next time you see Mattheo is in the Potions classroom the following day.
"How are you so good at everything you do, Meadow?" Ron grumbled as he read through the instructions of the healing potion Slughorn was making you all brew.
You had just finished an apparition lesson; by the end of the two hours, only you, Hermione, Mattheo's group of friends and a handful of others had managed to apparate from one side of the room to the hoop at the other. Harry and Ron were not part of that group.
"Well unlike you, Won-Won," Hermione sneered from across the table, "she takes pride in her academic accomplishments."
The redhead scoffed. "Mione come on-"
"Don't call me that." she snapped, going on a rant about Ron's incompetence. He only spluttered in response. You and Harry only exchanged uneasy looks as they continued arguing.
"I thought this would've ended by now." you say under your breathe as you drop in your next ingredient, huffing when it does the opposite of what it should. Harry mumbled his agreement as he completed his own potion. You looked between his and your's incredulously. "Why does your's look different to mine? Is it that book?"
You glared at him with pleading eyes and Harry huffed as he slid the Halfblood Prince's book so you could see. Your body ached as you read through the annotations. You winced as you rolled your neck to get rid of the tightness and Harry noticed your discomfort straight away.
"You okay, Meadow?" he asks, his hand gracing your shoulder blade. You both looked up at the sound of a knife clattering against a table top. Mattheo was glaring at the hand that Harry still kept on your shoulder, you huffed as you turned to your friend.
"Fine. Just sore from apparition lessons is all." you smiled reassuringly which seems to convince him as Harry removes his hand from you.
Faintly you hear Pansy question why Mattheo was acting so strangely and you try your hardest to ignore it. Until you couldn't any longer, because he was in your head.
Why the fuck was he touching you like that? His voice was a dark growl in your mind.
Wow possessive much? You reply with a mental scoff. He was asking if I was okay.
The agression in his tone softened and he sent a wave of concern your way. Are you? Okay, I mean? What's wrong?
You can't help the smile that paints your face, and you have to duck your head to hide it from your oblivious friends. I'm fine.
You can practically see as well as feel the look he gives you all the way across the room. You clearly aren't. Tell me what's wrong.
You look like you're about to incinerate the tabletop. I'm okay, Matty, really. Just sore. You curse him internally as he smirks wickedly, onyx eyes dancing with pride and hunger.
I'd gladly satisfy you again, darling. Just say the word.
You kick him from your mind, ignoring the flush that overtakes your heated face. Then you send flares of annoyance to him as you hear his snickering laughter that he barely conceals.
~∞~
when i was researching siphoner lore literally the only thing that came up was vampire diaries theories 😭😭😭
the smut took a different direction to what i intended tbh but i wanted to include some soft Matty 😅
taglist:
@camille-1019 @lovelyygirl8 @xluansstuff @babeylover @thejadeazalea @undercover-smutlover @adhxmoony @dreamingofonceuponatime @thepassionatereader @urmomsgayforme5 @aphroditeisamilf @devotedlycrookeddonut @purplegirls-posts @nofacenonamelikekira @foxboyapologist @lafrone @lovely-maryj @nromanovaswife @leeknows-wife @dracygf @wildlyobserving @ravenclawprincess33 @melllinaa @vellicora @lantsovheiress @emiliahoward @stunkbiggu @vcosette @prongsprincessworld @mattiesgirl @rachmmb @x-kermit-x @sun-fiower-seed @cas-planet @certaindreampost @weirdowithnobeardo @mikalovesicecream @sunasbbie @rainy-darling @faeriepigeons @lovely-blackinnon @topguncultleader @gimalo135 @elsafromcabinsix @moonlightreader649 @blueshome @nopedefe @spencerreidsthings @navs-bhat @agent-tempest @magimtz23
#mattheo x you#mattheo riddle x you#mattheo riddle smut#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo x y/n#mattheo riddle#harry potter#serendipity series
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Random Obey Me! Headcanons
Belphie doesn't know how to swim and is too lazy to learn. The brothers have tried to teach him multiple times, but he always ends up giving up before he can make any real progress. He even fell asleep in the water while Satan tried to teach him once, and after that, the brothers just collectively gave up and accepted he'd probably never learn how.
Lucifer is terrible at baking and making any kind of sweets in general. This is funny, considering he's one of the best cooks in the house when it comes to preparing literally anything else. And Satan absolutely thrives off of this, as he actually masters all areas of the kitchen and will brag about how it's one of the things he's better at than Lucifer.
Beel loves rock and metal, they're his favorite music genres to listen to and motivate him when he's doing his morning run, practicing for future games, or going through his workout routine. He actually learned how to play drums because of it, and even performed in a concert when a friend's band was doing a show, and the friend called him a few hours earlier saying he couldn't make it and needed him to take his place. That day, multiple videos of the concert were posted to DevilTube and went viral. Everywhere, people were discussing how talented Beel was, and the brothers even encouraged him to enter the music industry. He refused though, saying he wanted to focus on sports as it was his main passion.
Satan was born a baby, though he grew faster than any other demon or angel. The way I picture this is that he would stay the same age for a few months and then jump to another out of nowhere, for example: he'd be 3 years old for a few months, and then suddenly jump to 5, staying that age for another set of time till he jumped to 7 and continued the cycle. This only stopped when he reached the age he'd originally have if he had born when first formed as an emotion in Lucifer's body. And so he now ages normally, as any other demon would.
There's a magic barrier around the House of Lamentation that stops any demon that's not one of the brothers, Diavolo or Barbatos from even passing the gates. But as mentioned, it only works on demons, hence why Luke was able to sneak in without the others even noticing during season 1. And this is the same for the Demons' Lord Castle, that also has a magic barrier around it.
Mammon smokes. It's his way to relax after an especially stressful day, he'll stand on the balcony staring at the view outside, alone in his thoughts for as long as he needs to. The brothers understand, as they all have their own ways to cope with stress, and always make sure to check on him at some point while he's there or after. Sometimes though, on very rare occasions, Lucifer will actually go and join him. They'll vent to each other about work, their day in general, and whatever is on their mind while smoking together. Those times are very special for both of them, as they can just chat and relax together without worrying about anything else, knowing they'll always have each other.
The characters' speech gets jumbled when they're drunk, they just start speaking multiple languages at the same time and it only gets worse the more drunk they are. For example, Levi will start spilling Japanese words and sentences in the middle of conversations, Solomon will talk in Old English and confuse everyone, and Lucifer, as the affectionate drunk he is, will just start mumbling I love yous and a bunch of soft praises in Infenal to his brothers and MC. It's a mess.
Levi is one of the most popular streamers in the Devildom when it comes to gaming, anime reviewing, and weeb content in general. He's everyone's favorite, and the one people go to for opinions before purchasing anything. He gets sent games before the official release, merch, figurines, etc. And although most of his streams involve just him, sometimes a brother will join. Mammon and Beel for the most part, but the others have all participated at some point. ( Fun fact: Levi broke his record of views when Lucifer accepted to join him after years and years of pestering. They played Minecraft together, chatted about random stuff, and the viewers were blown away seeing a new side of the eldest, as they only viewed him to be intimidating and unapproachable. To this day fans beg for another stream between the two, but Lucifer always refuses, saying that was the first and last time. )
Lucifer taught Satan how to play piano when he was younger. The fourth born however grew to resent the instrument, lumping it together in the long list of things he'll never pursue again because of how it only makes him more similar to the eldest. He does miss it sometimes though, and very rarely, when he's alone at home, he'll play one or two songs to himself and think back to the lessons Lucifer gave him long long ago.
Beel gives the best massages ever for some reason. You'd think not because of his size and clumsiness, but he actually knows how to control his strength and be a perfect mix between gentle and rough. Oftentimes Beel uses his skill on his brothers, mostly Lucifer and Levi as they're usually the ones staying sitting for too many hours at a time and end up stiff as rocks afterward.
Asmo has an OnlyDevil account where he shares spicy pictures/videos of himself that his fans go absolutely crazy for. His account is very popular and he's actually one of the most sought creators on the platform. Needless to say, the amount of money he makes out of it is no joke.
For some time after lesson 16, Beel didn't know how to interact with Belphie or how to even feel about what had happened, making him avoid the twin completely. It got to the point where he couldn't even stand sleeping in the same room as him, seeking Mammon every night to sleep with him instead. The second born never minded, as sharing a bed with the younger one kept the nightmares of MC's death away.
Satan has always been extremely sensitive to certain sounds, textures, and tastes. For example, there's a brand of milk he absolutely despises for how weird it tastes, despite all the brothers ( including Beel ) insisting that it tastes the exact same as any other milk they've had. There's also a certain type of fabric he can't wear because of how it feels on his skin, numerous foods he can't eat as they give an unimaginable ick, and noises that make him physically cringe at how uncomfortable they sound. The brothers have been aware of these things ever since Satan was born, and although they don't completely understand it, they always have it in mind when buying something for him or finding themselves on cooking duty.
In the Devildom, birthdays are celebrated every 100 years. Diavolo however is an exception to this rule, as he is of royal blood, and his birthday is made into a huge annual event across the entire kingdom. Following this, the brothers only began celebrating their birthdays annually once MC came into the picture, as they wanted to experience as many birthdays as they could while they were still around.
Lucifer regrets not accepting Satan as his son from the get-go, cursing his past self for denying responsibility for the blond when he was first created and the poor way he treated him. But he didn't know any better, he had just fallen after facing a war against his own problematic father, and the last thing he wanted was to label himself as someone's parent. But now he really wishes things had been different, though he's already accepted that it's far too late now, as thousands of years have passed and he believes he's lost his chance to make things right an eternity ago. It still pains him to this day though, to see the change in Satan's expression whenever someone makes the even slightest suggestion to them being anything more than brothers.
I've already made a separate post about this one, but the brothers can sense their sins on other people and feed off of it. Also, demon blood is dark black, while angel blood is bright gold.
#yes satan is neurodivergent here#obey me shall we date#obey me#obey me post#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me mc#obey me diavolo#obey me solomon#obey me headcanons#omswd#thoughts thoughts thoughts! (๑•﹏•)#☙ no creativity for names ✾
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I've spoken before about psychopathy, particularly my own, and the importance of recent research and demolishing the stigma and absolutely absurd past conceptions and measures of psychopathy, which were exclusively based on studies of male prisoners convicted of violent crime.
Just to reiterate - psychopathy is not being deranged and uncontrollably violent. Villanelle from Killing Eve is actually an excellent and well-researched example of high-EQ female psychopathy, and the first fictional portrayal I can genuinely see myself in. Psychopaths with high EQ are entirely capable of cognitive empathy, and many (like myself) are actually very gifted in it, and can even make excellent counselors/therapists as a result of this combined with a lack of strong internal biases and the fact that we won't be emotionally impacted/drained by patients. This presentation of psychopathy is becoming more and more recognized and studied, and is distinctly more common in women. We retain the core defining traits, obviously - boldness, deviancy, disinhibition, very high fear threshold, a tendency toward meanness (self-control is a thing, though), reduced capacity for remorse and regret*, and of course lack of affective (emotional) empathy - but are much more able to moderate ourselves and prioritize social functioning, and tend to view the sadistic behavior of low-EQ psychopathic males as wasteful. My wife calls it "prosocial psychopathy."
Anyway, I just kind of wanted to touch on this again since it's been a while and there's a fair few new followers out here. I encourage you to read the above links and check the tag - it's a pretty interesting topic, to me at least.
Edit 4/25/2024: *Regarding the reduced capacity for remorse/regret: I firmly believe this sounds worse than it is. For people like me, at least, it's not that I'm going around doing terrible things and incapable of feeling bad about any of them. The truth is that remorse & regret most frequently occur as a result of intensely emotion-driven behaviors, which as a concept is largely foreign to me - I don't tend toward remorse/regret because the way I interact with the world, analyze situations, and choose to behave in response, is inherently from the very beginning done with the acceptance of potential consequences actively held in my mind. I'm not prone to regret/remorse because I know myself extremely well and make choices as consistent with my understanding of self as possible, having already prepared myself for the possibility that things could go wrong. It's more about being prepared for what might happen and able to cope when things do go wrong, rather than being a piece of shit and not feeling anything about it.
This doesn't make me better or worse than others; it's a neutral fact that male supremacy has made seem otherwise by constantly claiming that "logic" or whatever is superior to emotions. Fuck that. Loads of the best people I've ever known have been very emotion-driven (what non-shit people identify as a firm of being passionate) and some of the shittest people I've known would waste their dying breath insisting they're 100% logical creatures, as if that's even a real thing. To me it feels very simple: if I'm making the best (most internally consistent, most reflective of my personality and values, etc) decisions I possibly can with whatever information I have at the time, then I've done my best, acted with integrity, and don't need to regret my choices. This is very challenging to write/talk about bc of the stigma & connotations involved, but again, this is a completely neutral fact to me in the same way I describe being a woman as a completely neutral fact despite the stigma & connotations involved there. Does any of this make sense?
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i don't think i really understand pr and what actors should and shouldn't say. why is what oliver's saying so wild?
Hi, it's okay. I'll walk you through it. The tl;dr version is written in bold.
So. PR, or, Public Relations, is the dynamic between the general public (us) and any entity that has interests to protect (in this case, that would be the network + 911). PR teams are designed to ensure the relationship between the public and [their entity] is as harmonious as possible. Happy relationship, happy consumer, happy company.
Because keeping the peace is the intention of good pr, pleasant ambiguity is the name of the game. People can speculate, and people can guess, but no one should ever be able to look back at your words and claim that you've given a definitive answer on anything—good or bad—because definitive statements can harm the entity's bottom line, whatever that may be.
Oliver is very good at keeping the peace between the network and the public. We know this because we have seen evidence supporting this fact for years. He always says a little bit of what everyone wants to hear—he'll keep things vague (plausible deniability) for the sake of the network, while also giving nods of support and encouragement to the fandom without promising anything. You know how he's talked about being cautious and aware of what he's saying in interviews because he knows the impact it could have? Okay, well, aside from wanting to avoid "queerbaiting" allegations, this is part of the reason. PR is a very delicate game and he plays it very well.
Or at least he did.
Right now, Oliver is using binoculars to identify the line, making sure the line is exactly where he left it, and then taking a giant wrecking ball to it. Because now, Oliver is saying things that should absolutely not be said in interviews, or to anyone in the general public, at all. Now, he's elevating the conversation from pure speculation, to actively confirming and placing the blame at people's feet for things that have gone on behind the scenes.
Saying that Buck's Queer storyline was floated years ago? Huge no-no. Why? You were on tumblr yesterday. You can see why. People were angry, and people were hurt, but most importantly, people started to ask questions. We started to look at past arcs, past moments in Buck and in Buck and Eddie's relationship (because, whether you like it or not, Buck's queerness is and always has been tangentially linked to the existence of Buddie) to try and pinpoint when/how his queer arc could have launched. Now. Most of us have been here for years, so we can easily look back at the show and see where it's pretty damn obvious how Buck's Queer arc could have launched, depending on the arc(s), the characters at the time, things that were going on outside of the show (re: Oliver liking Buddie edits before/after the shooting), etc.
But we're not the only ones who are reading these interviews. Other people—casual fans, new fans, people who don't give a damn at all and are just clicking around on the internet—are going to look at these interviews, they're going to look at the things Oliver is saying, and they're going to have the same questions that we had. When could this have happened? And, more importantly, why didn't it? To keep it simple: everyone is going to start looking a little closer at the man behind the curtain, and the network does not want that.
Now, sure, it could be argued that, "hey, 911 isn't with FOX anymore, so maybe Oliver is allowed to say these things." But that's not really how it works. Sure, he might have a bit more leeway (as in, a microscopic, so-small-it-might-as-well-be-insignificant amount of leeway) to say whatever it is he wants, but this isn't the first time a major transfer/acquisition has occurred, and there are safeguards in place (such as NDA's—Non-Disclosure Agreements—which often do not expire for years post-acquisition, depending on the entity they're protecting) to prevent him from harming FOX's bottom line. So, that reasoning rings hollow. Especially because, now, it's not just FOX he's pulling into the fray either.
In the article that dropped today, he openly acknowledges this thing between Buck and Eddie in Season 7. And at this point, we're well into ABC's era. So the fact that he's saying, "I went to Tim and asked if there's something I can play with when Eddie says he's going on a date"—that's odd behavior from him. Not necessarily bad, just odd. And after years of toeing the line, the question that has to be asked now is why? And, more importantly, why now?
Does this mean that Buddie is going canon? Not necessarily (and, before anyone freaks out, I'm not saying it's not going canon either; I'm just saying this isn't an indication). But The Buddie Problem, at least, in the way Oliver is addressing it, is something the Higher Ups would want to keep quiet for as long as possible, for whatever reason. Maybe because they intend to go forward with it. Maybe because they don't. But the fact that he's cracking the shades open and letting light through is deeply fascinating.
But, despite all this, it's important, also, to realize that, even with demolishing the good PR line he's always walked so carefully, Oliver still isn't promising us anything. He's still treading carefully regarding how we, Buddie shippers, will interpret his words. He's not claiming Buddie canon is a go and it'd be remiss to think that's the implication here when it's not. He's not that stupid, and he's not that cruel. But all of it is very curious.
So that's why a lot of us are looking at each other, and then looking at Oliver, wondering what the hell he's doing. Because he knows better, and we know he knows better. We know he's very good at playing this delicate game but right now, he's making moves that are... intriguing... to say the least. And it's not just him, even though he's the main culprit. 9-1-1's move to ABC—and this entire press junket since 7x4—has been rife with sensitive information being released to the public, starting with Lou's untrained self revealing that it was supposed to be Eddie and Tommy that were going to get together, and circling back around to... literally every single word Oliver has uttered in the past three weeks.
So. It's odd! As you can see. So I'm sitting back, and I'm waiting and seeing because something is happening behind the scenes, and I don't know what it is (and I don't even think it's bad!) but it is still very much happening. So.
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Hi! If you're okay, I really want to know your favorite moon signs? Thanks in advance, hope you have a great day! <3
Hello, sweet anon! Of course, it's okay! I am so sorry that you (and the other anon) have waited for ~ way ~ too long. But I hope you'll like it still! Have a great day/night to you! 💜
𝙁𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙈𝙤𝙤𝙣 𝙎𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙨 ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚
It was so hard to pick a favorite because I love all the moon signs, but I thought of people I constantly vibe with and came up with these five.
The following is in no particular order.
𝘓𝘪𝘣𝘳𝘢 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯 - Everyone I have met with this placement has been a great listener. They also somehow know what to say or do to comfort someone and make them feel better. I especially love their constructive manner of giving opinions. They manage to have their point across without offending the other party. The ones I know create wonderful art and music, too.
𝘊𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯 - These people are gentle, understanding, and affectionate. They are really transparent with how they feel and are not afraid to show their love to the people they care about. Consequently, they encourage others to do the same and embrace their emotions. They are so thoughtful, too! When they see something a loved one talks about liking or needing, they will buy it immediately. They never fail to make others feel special.
𝘚𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯 - They are so fun to be around. Not only are they funny, but they're also wise. They provide helpful insights and possess the ability to make people think twice about something. I learn and also laugh a lot when I am with them. I also love that they have deep respect for other people's beliefs and would genuinely want to know more about them. It's a pleasure to have these natives around, especially when having a bad day.
𝘗𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯 - These individuals are so kind, comforting, and empathetic. They're the type of people to make you go first to the cashier once they see that you are holding items fewer than them. I also noticed that they can read the room easily. They see potential in other people's abilities, are appreciative, and are very supportive. Their presence is like a breath of fresh air to me.
𝘈𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯 - I love how I can talk to these people about my 'quirks' comfortably and without judgment. It's like they understand that every person is different, and so they want everyone to be able to freely express themselves in their presence. They are also great problem solvers, I noticed. They usually help people by providing solutions to their dilemmas.
The photos used were taken from Pinterest. Credit goes to the rightful owner/s.
♡ 𝓡𝓲𝓪
#🌿: ria answers#🌿: astro ria#astrology#astrology observations#astrology notes#astro observations#astro notes#moon signs#top 5 moon signs#favorite moon signs
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Some thoughts on Dazai & emotions
I think Dazai treats his own emotions in a way similar to how most people treat physical discomfort.
A lot of people seem to think that what disconnects him from humanity is that he doesn't experience emotions in the way most humans do. Even though that's true to an extent, because severe mental illness does do that, it's also clear that Dazai does have emotions, but most likely struggles to recognise them, and when he does, he doesn't really take them into account. His intellect runs so far ahead, that he must see his own emotions in the way that most people see disruptive physical sensations - something so far below our default "level of operation" that, even if we do undoubtedly experience it, it's not relevant to our self-definition. Sure, your leg can hurt while you walk, or you might occasionally get headaches, but you'd most likely consider it a nuisance rather than something that characterises your person. We can only assume this has been the case for a long time, probably ever since his mind first outsmarted his heart, so possibly his entire life. In Stormbringer, it's even stated that "nothing can survive his gaze, not even his own emotions".
Now, remember Dazai's self-admitted aversion to physical pain. We know that he hates pain, but this doesn't stop him from putting himself in physical peril, and even using himself as bait, if that's gonna help move his plans forward. When he does get hurt, he barely reacts at all, and at most just states that he is in pain. Pain is a nuisance he ignores, and we can assume that most of his emotions, if he was able to properly admit and experience them, would only cause him more pain, because his emotions are those of a severely depressed person, and even when he can feel some semblance of a positive emotion, he interprets is as something he'll inevitably lose. In any case, when it comes to either emotional or physical pain, the direct connection between the stimulus and his response seems to be missing - stating that one is in pain isn't the same as naturally responding to it. It's probably been missing for so long, that he doesn't even have to try much not to respond anymore, much like it wouldn't take much effort for a stomachache not to show on your face, if you kept getting stomachaches while having to work 12 hour shifts.
His time in the mafia, where he was encouraged to be rational at all times and lost his friend the one time he wasn't, could have only maximised this tendency of his. Even though he chose emotion over intellect when confronting Mori in Dark Era, he did lose Oda, and he doesn't want to have to go through that again. Plus, in the present, in order for the ADA to survive, he has to ignore anything other than his intellect, if he wants any chance at outsmarting Fyodor. There is no room for emotion right now, even if he wanted to be emotional, which he doesn't.
So, what seems to be the case is that Dazai is apathetic to his own emotions. They're in there somewhere, but remain unacknowledged, barely ever taken into account, unable to survive his brain.
#this started as an entirely different post about no longer human the book#and dazai being unrelatable mentally but to many relatable emotionally#i'll write that soon but i got sidetracked are we surprised#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bsd dazai#dazai osamu#bsd analysis
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Have you ever done an au where the boys are farmers? :]
I did once before, but hey. Nothing wrong with more farm. And as a certified country bumpkin who has lived/worked on many a farm in her life, I feel I'm uniquely qualified for this au ;)
It makes sense that all three boys would work on the same self-sustaning farm. 'Cousins' taking care of the same land, and everything. Maybe Mc is the cute girl who lives nearby and finds herself taking up odd jobs for them every now and then, for some spare cash...?
Sans: ... Mc bumps into him a lot, whether she's helping out on the farm or just passing by their fields on her way to somewhere else. He's always friendly, always greets her- always smiling up at her from under his goofy straw hat and telling terrible farm-related jokes so he can grin at her laughter. She can usually spot him napping in a field somewhere; when she asks what he's doing he always says he's 'working'.
To be fair to him, what he's 'working' on is always complete to perfection. All the hay around him has been baled despite no machines in sight, all the vegetables have been pulled and packed into their boxes, all the dirt has been tilled in perfect straight lines. She's got no clue how he does it.
If she's ever working with him (say, they're packing fruit together) he's always trying to encourage her to flunk it and nap with him. He knows all the best resting spots in a mile radius... and when she does crack and nap with him, it's the best rest she's had in a long time.
Red: He's a fieldhand who doubles as a pretty decent handyman. It's not unusual to catch him moving around in oil-stained dungarees with a toolbox tucked under one arm and a cigarette between his teeth, repairing any machinery that needs a loving touch. Other farms occasionally hire him out to repair whatever busted old thing they're not ready to let go of yet, and he's picked up a reputation for being able to repair anything.
... That's not the only thing he's picked up a reputation for, though. Red's got a good relationship with most of the other farms... mostly because he's banged a decent percentage of all the nearby fieldhands. He's famously good with his hands, after all.
Mc likes him, he's charming and somehow manages to smell good despite always being covered in motor oil. He likes to show off to her by helping her with her chores and lifting heavy shit with his big arms... she's flattered by his obvious interest in her. But she's also aware of his reputation, and isn't super keen to get cuddly just yet.
Skull: He mostly handles animals. He's got that quiet, strong demeanour that they like. He doesn't talk to people, or go out much, he's a bit of an urban legend in the area. He's much more comfortable around animals than people; animals don't judge him for how he looks, or expect him to talk, or care that he smells like hide all the time.
Mega crush on Mc from the first moment he sees her, which only exacerbates his usual anxieties around people and makes him super shy. Even though she makes him nervous, he really likes when she drops by the barns to help him with the animals. She's the only one who regularly visits. Silently feeding the chickens while he listens to her talk is one of his favourite activities in the whole world.
While Red's showing off is intentional, Skull tends to show off completely accidentally. He often lifts up stupidly heavy things without thinking; effortlessly slinging several bags of feed onto his shoulders, despite each bag individually being so heavy she couldn't even push one across the floor. He doesn't understand why her face flushes so much when he lifts big bales. Maybe she's been out in the sun too long?
#llamagines#farm au#skull's ideal date would be him sitting silently while u tell him which animals you like
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Astrology Observations
I do birth chart readings for $10!!! Message me for more info
Capricorn placements usually have a timeline for themselves of certain things they want to accomplish by certain ages. I've noticed if they don't reach their goals by a certain age they can be superrr hard on themselves. They are often plagued by thoughts that they aren't doing enough or they're not where they should be in life.
I've noticed that couples whose sun signs are co-rulers of the same planet usually work really well together. For example, aries and scorpio (mars) or sagittarius and pisces (jupiter).
Pisces mercury is a placement that relies on their intuition rather than logic. They somehow just know things but may not be able to express how they know it. These people are extremely creative and are usually talented artistically.
Aries moons are much more emotional than pisces moons. Pisces moons are very go with the flow and allow things to just play out. Whereas aries moons have strong feelings and reactions to everything.
Pisces mars have a difficult time expressing anger but they are very skilled at manipulation. They are pretty passive-aggressive and use manipulation to get people to do what they want. They are usually really sweet people though and they only manipulate when they feel like they have no other options.
I've noticed that virgo placements have a deep love for their pets (more than the average person). Having a pet really brings them comfort and happiness during difficult times. Animals are also very fond of them!
Mercury trine saturn grants someone mental agility. Once this person decides they want to learn or do something they have the willpower and dedication to really see it through. I really see a person with this aspect writing a book because they have the grit to get it done!
This is just my opinion but it's usually not a good idea to date your sister sign. I've seen sister sign couples have very tumultuous relationships that are full of passion but also A LOT of serious fights.
Mercury square mars can come off as aggressive even if that is not their intention. They can also be very impulsive with their words which can lead to misunderstandings in conversations. People with this aspect should slow down and really think before they speak.
Sun trine moon aspect in synastry is very harmonious. The moon person feels like home to the sun person and the feeling is usually mutual! The sun person encourages the dreams and aspirations of the moon person and makes them feel free to be themselves. They both find emotional security and comfort with one another.
Having a stellium in the 1st house or aries gives a person a very bold personality that might intimidate other people. These people are usually very comfortable being themselves and can be trend setters when it comes to fashion.
...
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#astroblr#astro notes#astro community#astro posts#astro observations#astro placements#astro chart#astrology community#astrology posts#astrology#astrology notes#astrology chart#astrology observations#astrology signs#astrology tumblr
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Fast food reader having a yandere manager/boss??
What type of shenanigans do they get to and why do I picture the yan manager calling in the reader to their office and when the reader comes in the manager is laying on their desk in a certain "draw me like one of your french girls" pose with a rose in their mouth??
Oh God. Please not today. Standing stationary at your post, you dread the upcoming encounter with the customers next in line. The duo whisper loudly to each other, one nudging the other as they glance over in your direction. You pick up some words of encouragement over the conversation you're currently involved in and are fairly certain the piece of paper in their hand is signed with a heart. Why do so many people think this is a good idea? You hand the customer their change and ponder whether it's too late to switch to retail as the next guests approach. The one holding the note goes first. They slide it across the counter.
"Hey, uh, I've seen you in here during my lunch breaks and was wondering if yo-"
"I'm gonna stop you right there. You're not even the fifth person who's given me their number this week. I'm not sure if you're one of the normal one or the kind who tries to stuff me in their car after I get off, but either way you should probably leave before my boss comes."
The customer looks dejected, but their friend steps in. "You didn't have to be such an ass about it."
"I'm only trying to warn you, and save myself the headache. They polish a hunting rifle in their office with the door wide open and I'm about sixty percent sure majority of the people on the missing persons board are the ones from this exact scenario. I'd ask if you want to order anything, but you should probably just leave. They're always watching the cameras."
"Gooood afternoon."
Well- You'll be able to sleep tonight knowing you did your best.
"I was just checking in on things, and happened to notice the line forming behind the two wastes of space who decided to harrass my favorite employee."
One of customers opens their mouth to speak, but your boss quickly shuts them down."
"Mmm, yeah, sorry- I hear you, but to be honest I don't really care. Here at this establishment, we always strive for customer satisfaction, but employee safety is the most important thing and to bother our most valued member means I don't have to abide by any rules. Moral or otherwise. Kindly get the fuck out of my store before I make you crawl out."
"I'll take this." Your Boss picks up the slip of paper and gives them their best customer service smile. "Have a nice day!"
That smile becomes just a tad genuine as the customers bolt for the door. Your boss turns to you, pulling you from your focus on the cash register as they check you for any damages. Besides the beginning of bags under your eyes, you're relatively okay. Their shoulders finally relax seeing you unharmed."
"Good. In perfect condition like always." They gently pat your cheek. "My office. Ten minutes. Don't worry about the ones you can get to."
Stocking shelves can't be much worse than this, right?
The ten minutes go by in what feels like ten seconds. The door is wide open when you arrive. Your boss has already added the note to their collection in a jar on their desk, a red line through the pages you could see. Your picture hangs on the wall in multiple frames marking you as employee of the month for years with no competition. According to coworkers, that award didn't even exist before you were hired.
You knock on the door frame. Your boss lifts their feet off the desk and shoves them underneath it along with their aforementioned weapon. They sweep the surface clean with the same rag they used to clean it as you approach and politely folds their hands as you take your seat.
"Y/n, what a pleasant surprise! What brings you to my cozy neck of the woods?"
"You called me here."
"Well - yes, but I like to think we're closer than that. Like family. Heads of the household if you will. I understand most of your time here has been manning the register, but with all this attention you've been getting I think we should move you somewhere else. I'm not jealous or anything..."
They crack a guilty smile." Well, maybe a smidge, but this is mostly for your own good. Something like keeping eye on the stock or working the fryers... Maybe even something as simple as, oh I don't know- coming home with me and letting me take care of your every need."
You think over your choices. That cafe down the street is probably hiring.
#Sorta crack#yandere oc#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere headcanons#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere insert#yandere blurb#tw yandere#yandere drabble#Fast food reader#yandere x y/n#yandere x darling
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Hello. I'm, um, not entirely sure how to talk about this. I hope it's okay if I misspeak. I'm a human, right, so I think that needs to be clear more than anything, but I've been very involved in the creature community for years now. I live by a great big lake and I always liked to walk down the shore late at night or early in the morning, you know, just to try and get out of my own head, and one night ages ago I accidentally tripped over someone's jacket and twisted my ankle. It was a gorgeous fur jacket, too, not like any kind of fur I'd seen in a jacket before, but just stunningly soft and thick as Hell.
Now, of course I didn't take it, that'd be awful, but also I had just hurt myself in kind of a nasty way and so it wasn't like I had anything else to do but sit by the shore next to the jacket and waited, and yeah, a few hours later one of the lake seals popped its head out of the water, looked at me for a good long while, and then...well, I mean, you know how the rest of the story goes, I'm sure.
Anyway, it's been a few years now and I've become really close to this family. I didn't really know anyone in my town before meeting them and I'm not on speaking terms with my own folks, so in a lot of ways these people have become my family, and it's an honor that they trust me to keep guard of their cloaks and such when they go out. But I've got this problem, right, and it's just...over the years it's felt less and less like I fit in with other humans. All my friends are nightfolk now, my family hates me even more because they're bigots--in this night and age, can you fucking believe it--and it's just like every night I get further and further away from the shore.
I'm just scared because...I don't *want* to stop drifting away. I've had dreams of joining them down there in the lake, practically every night for months on end. I've tried doing research into methods of joining the community but I don't want to become a vampire, I don't fancy any lunar-aligned nonsense, nothing has felt right except selkies, but I can't decide if I'm just self aware enough that I need a push from an outside viewer to try and accept something I already know full well...or if no, actually, that little voice in my stupid head that won't go away that keeps calling me a fraud, an invader, an appropriator--what if the reason it's not going away is because it's right and I really don't belong?
Just...please be honest with me. Am I a complete asshole for spending hours every day trying not to just outright beg my family--sorry, chosen family--to help me sew myself a cloak, or is there something to this?
First of all, reader, please rest assured. As long as you are speaking from a place of kindness and a willingness to learn, you don't need to worry about using all the correct terminology. I always try to listen generously when people come to me in need, and I encourage our followers to do the same.
Unfortunately I can well believe that bigots like your biological relatives still exist. I'm glad you've been able to extract yourself from their hateful society, and have found comfort, support and kinship among the nightfolk.
You say there is a little voice in your head calling you a fraud, casting doubt on the validity of your feelings. As much as you might want to push it away and stop your ears, I want you to listen to that voice, just for a little while. Pay attention to the language it uses and what ideas it seems to have about the world.
And then ask yourself: is this my voice? Does that sound like me? Or does this sound like a last, desperate, wriggling remnant of the people I've worked so hard to distance myself from?
Every one of us is raised with a narrative, a story about the world and our place in it, and how we should treat the people around us. We're told that story by our parents, by our teachers and schoolmates, by television and books and a million other sources. The story is so vast and so all-encompassing, it takes an enormous effort to be able to see any single part of it clearly.
Imagine, then, how hard we have to work to realise some of that story is untrue, or harmful, fed by hatred and fear. To start untangling ourselves from the rotting, strangling roots of the story we've known all our lives, and start planting something new and fresh and honest.
It sounds to me like this little voice is one of those lingering strands of the story you were raised with – one where liminality is nothing to admire or strive for, and where you cannot be trusted to know your own mind, and your own needs. It's time to tell yourself a better story.
You've found people who honour you with their trust and who make you feel supported and loved, as you deserve. You admire them, and want to be like them. None of this sounds “stupid” to me.
This is not a decision to be taken lightly. By all means, take your time, and talk your feelings through with your family. But I think you already know what story you want for yourself, reader – and for what it's worth, I think the world will be better for its telling.
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