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bangtanger · 3 years

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CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol 1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀ a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀ a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀ a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL

❀ some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

#m:text #tg

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curious-menace · 3 years

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The rogue gallery members general reaction to encountering the batman who laughs and his creepy ass Robin's.

ok id like to preface this by saying that red death batman straight up crucified riddler and decapitated scarecrow and the batman who laughs is MUCH worse than red death batman.

i want to enjoy the dark knights metal but it is needlessly fuckin complicated with all this multiverse oververse omniverse shit. maybe i just don't have the galaxy brain necessary to get it so i apologize if this is all wrong

(also i know its canon that the batman who laughs has no rogues gallery left, either because he killed them or joker killed them before he turned but hey ho hypotheticals it is)

also no one talk to me about kiss fan lookin riddler from this verse. im not ready.

Penguin

i think his first reaction was to laugh. Batman’s finally gone and he took joker with him. I mean he literally calls him "bat gimp". I seriously doubt he anticipated the fallout of batman becoming some sort of hideous joker hybrid. he still chuckled when he started seeing the news. someone calling themselves “the batman who laughs” and “the darkest knight” then he sees the robins, he even recognises damien and it makes him a little sick. he books the next flight out of goodwin before things get too hot.

shame goodwin was burned to the ground to stop anyone leaving gotham.

with everyone inside.

Twoface

i dont think its an exaggeration to say he was absolutly fuckin horrified. it's rare that harvey and two face agree on something, but this bastard has to go. the murder and mayhem he could tolerate, hell even killing the other rogues, some of them needed to be stopped. but having to look at this creature and know it was once bruce? harvey knows better than anyone its a fate worse than death to be trapped in your own mind with someone else running the show. they do their best to stop the darkest knight, bring all the hired guns they can to the fight but it wasnt enough. Harvey dies, but at least he went out trying to do the right thing.

Poison Ivy

She sensed him coming, her flowers screaming at her to save herself. part of me wants to hope she took one look at that abomination and noped the fuck out of there to slaughter swamp or something. but we know ivy, she stands her ground like a tree planted by a river. she looks people like batman and joker right in the eye and down the barrel of a gun and says “no, you move” Shes not a good person, but in this verse she might as well be the hero of the story, maybe the only meta human in gotham who stood a chance against him. The batman who laughs was scared of her and thats why she had to die. if she’d just minded her own business she might still be here but no. She dares the batman who laughs to come for her, she’s going to take him out. for what he did to her plants, to gotham, to HER home and HER friends. unfortunately for her ivy was one of the first on his kill list. She doesn't go down without a fight. ironically it was her human qualities, the human drive to help people that got her killed. she heard one of the robins crying and went to investigate. the batman who laughs doesn't care about those robins, he’s got a basement full of jokerized kids to throw at people. 1 to trick her and a few more to hold her down while he doused the lot of them with weedkiller and gasoline then poof.

i doubt the botanical gardens will ever be the same.

Scarecrow

part of me wants to say he’s loving this. He’s enjoying all the suffering and sadness and fear as the batman who laughs murders everyone and everything from the dandelions upwards . but he cant, not just because he’s not the one causing it. this is fear without meaning or purpose, this is killing hope so thoroughly that there is nothing left for people to fear, not even death. he’s not so foolish as to think he wont also be on the batman who laughs chopping block. so he makes himself scarce, works on a toxin that might be able to stop him or even slow him down so someone has a shot at it. Jon knows hes going to die, its only a matter of time before that thing calling itself the darkest knight sends one of his minions to his doorstep. He’s been working on something to try and help the rabid robins. he has a small soft spot in his cold obsidian heart for kids and looking at these creatures makes him physically ill.

he thinks hes made a breakthrough, thinks he’s finally got a formula that will effect batman and the joker and hopefully, whatever abomination they’ve become . he decides theres no time like the present to try it out when word of the other rouges deaths reach him. he’s the last one left and thats....well its scary. His surprise attack works, the robins go down without a fight, screaming and scratching at their faces, their throats and each other. regrettable but if he stops the darkest knight now, maybe jon can help them. Just when he thinks he’s got him, scarecrow goes down. so close, he falls at the finishing line, his toxin having as much effect as a gentle summers breeze. Much like the original scarecrow , the batman who laughs likes using guns. For jon however? he makes an exception. poor scarecrow gets eviscerated by his own scythe, pilfered from arkham asylum by the batman who laughs. gotta love the classics, right?

Riddler

Riddler was second on his kill list. only because the batman who laughs knew how much it would annoy riddler not to be at the top. He’s another rogue who stood a chance of stopping him if he really tried. sadly edward is nowhere near as altruistic as harvey, and could never be as strong as ivy. He likes to think his escape is for everyone's benefit. live to fight another day and all that. He learned from harvey and pamelas mistakes, took one look at this new batman and his creepy kids and said “fuck that noise” and tried to run. except he didn't really try. god if he’d only gotten out of the city, he would have been the only rogue that survived. the batman who laughs looks at him like a pathetic insect, unworthy of notice. he’d have killed riddler eventually, maybe put him in a riddle with no answer or a trap with no escape for extra irony points but he wasn't about to stop the little green cockroach from skittling away. but of course, riddlers ego got in the way; he just HAD to try and best this new batman, no matter how much he scared the shit out of riddler he just HAD to try. and of course, pride comes before downfall.

The batman who laughs helpfully provided riddler with some rope to help break his fall.

Harley Quinn

some part of her was happy to have joker back. he was different, scarier but she was used to the abuse. what she wasn't used to were all the kids. she recognised damian wayne but didn't quite put the pieces together to realise it was bruce under there. she thought maybe he was just a random casualty . she tried hard to look after the kids but they act like animals rather than humans, there was nothing she could do.As time went on she found it harder and harder to sit at the right hand of this clown prince of horrors. harley has always been along for the ride, but how are you supposed make the whole world laugh if everyone in it is dead? i dont know what happens to harley in this world. either she leaves and much like joker, the batman who laughs fails to notice, shes killed by him because he was bored or she does when the world is destroyed by barbatos. either way, no happy endings here.

Thanks for this incredibly depressing ask Ghostly T-T

im kidding, im kidding it was fun! it makes me wish i knew what the everloving FUCK was going on with this verse so i could enjoy it properly. the only comic store i know of has been closed since like march of last year and i don't know what im looking for on amazon to actually order them. i have 1 issue of nth metal but it was interesting enough that i want the collection.

if anyone knows what the collection is actually called hmu bc i wanna buy it.

yes i could read it online but i like owning the hard copies.

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm!💜💙🧡💛💚❤️

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rockfact · 3 years

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fuck it liveblogging tpoh but putting it in one post so its not annoying (pls read tpoh before reading this post its got so many spoilers) also this is rlly long (http://jolleycomics.com/TPoH/The%20Hook/1)

anyway wow rgb rlly didnt like hero in the beginning eh?

OOOH THIS IS WHERE THE BUTTERFLY COMES FROM I FORGOT IT WAS THIS EARLY

god i love the worldbuilding in this beginning bit like ofc theres lies and doubts and fears like sure!! why not!!! this guys got a tv head!

oh dude rgb dead<3

MADRAS MY BELOVED

"cover ur vents" dude he IS a tv eh. well i know that she takes apart his wiring later but LMAO

rgb hates water<3 i would too if i was a tv. my sona is a tv but has water IN them so... yknow

TOby MY BELOVED HELLOOO

oh yeah the ferrys gone innit

sorry she did what to u TOby??? WHAT???

DIAL HI HI HI HI HI DIAL IL LOVE YOU

i forgot rgb is British. gay little guy who says cheerio and telly

bro her fucking dreams got in his vents oh no

YOOO HIS SUIT CHANGED COLOR AFTER GLITCHING i love this fucking comic

dude she killed that idea OH hi the moth butterfly is back

oh nooo the doubts r here and shes crying nnonoooo

GOD GET HER tHE DOUBTS R GONNA EAT HER ALIVE DAMMIT

OHF UCK THE FEARS ARE BACK AND OH FUCK A GRIEF TOO?!??? FUCK

oh bro the grief fuckin cried on him oh noooo wait isn't this when he goes negative. i think soYEAH IT IS !!! NEGATIVE MY CONFUSING BELOVED

get those fears asses negative wooo !!!! also bye the grief ^_^

oh yeah gotta take him to the tree since he's out of order eh

ASSOK ASSOK ASSOK

oh rgbs outfit changed again. does that when he glitches it seems:) i love it

hero pls just listen to him

assok i LOVE YOUUUU

THE FUCKING TREE MELTED CANT HAVE SHIT IN [whatever this place is called i don't remember rn]

aaand down they go!

OGHHGHH THE IDEA DIAL TOby AND MADRAS ALL SEEING THE TREEEEE YEAHHHHHH

YES THE BIRD I LOVE THE BIRD !!!!

AND MELODY TOO I LOVE THEM BOTH THEYRE GAY <3

poor TOby :(

the fuckin.. god i love this comic. the metaphors for trauma and shit i eat it UP

rgb i love ur puns but please shut up /j

DID SOME FUCKIN SCISSORS COME IN HERE AND CUT OUT THE WIVES ??? WHAT THE FUCK<3 LOOKS COOL AF BUT DIE. WHY ohhh that's why we see them later and they're all wet n shit. the ocean ate them

AWE HERO ILY bye you stinkin butterfly get outta here !!!

OHH I FORGOT HOW COOL THE HEARING IN THE DARK BIT IS !

YES THE MARKET I LOVE THE MARKET I LOVE THE FIGHT SCENE ...

HIS SUIT CHANGD AGAIN CUZ OF THE DIMMING OF HIS BRIGHTNESS I LOVE THIS LORE !!!! ITS SO COOL

wait dial don't u dare throw TOby into the abyss i stg. die dial

oh they rlly are cousins huh. sayin the same thing.. also dial die i hate ur gay little headNNNOOOOOOOO HE DROPPED TOby FUCK YOU DIAL

nooo this is making me sad abt the characters i make and then forget :( i don't want them to be forgotten

CELL ILY

DUDE SHES IRONING HIS FUCKING ARM

god i love hero sm

LMAO RGB GETS HORSESHOES <3

i love the explanations of characters getting outlines n stuff. this is so cooooool

oh goodnight to the market. hi dial fuck you OPH HERES THE WIVES !!

oguh the one sided convo ... spooky

mmmmm don't dream around rgb or no good!! bad !!!! love the bits of lore tho. fuck yeah

oh and his clothes changed again i think! nice!!! i love the suit he's wearing in the recent ones.. really my style

WAHHH HERO LEAVING ASSOK BECAUSE ASSOK WANTS IT.. IM FUCKING. I LOVE HERO SO MUCHHHHHH THEYRE SO NICE... i love this story

this story legit be changing the way i look at other stories . mmm solid outlines my beloved

the fact rgb can just turn up his volume to scream louder<3

AH OFUCK THE DUDES GOT A GUN EH oh yeah his names click. i wonder how many names i can steal from this comic

god rgb so smart :)

click my beloved antagonist

HE JKUST SHOT RGB WHAT THE FUCK. SHOT HIM W REDACTED TOO?::?W AHT THE FUCK CLICK

god i love this bit. hero can shoot him or not. he's muted he cant defend himself. its so good oh my god. rgb accepts it too.. he takes his hat off expecting to die oh my god. i love this bit SO MUCHH

the fuckin.. "what do heroes do to monsters?" "SAVE THEM!" LIKE YEAH HERO I LOV EYOU

n then rgb is banned (rightly but how do they get assok back??) and hero becomes his keeper i love this. i fucking love all the chapters in the market

"did you ever forgive me?" "did you want me to?" "...no" "oh, well, that's too bad" HELLO? WHAT!

ogoh and clicks eye(??) falling into the market.... checkovs gun innit

madras lore yesss

all my homies love the world of make believe :)

ah fuck the trees are gone oh this is fuck

I KNEW SHE GAVE HER FINGERS TRAIN

oooh so rgb was a writer? or a comic artist or something???????? cooool

LMAO NICE TIMING LOSERS

!!! CANDLE RABBIT

idea loose in the market!!

AH FUCK CLICK IS BACK :I KNEW IT

the idea is a fish now! cool. good on it. love this idea

oh TOby finally hit the bottom huh?

this rabbit is so confusing wtf

3 suns????????? rabbit cmon man you put us way too forward wtf!!

ah yeah rgb is broken eh? getting close to the end

SHE FOUND ANOTHER BIT OF THE FUCKING SUN? R U KIDDING ME

MELODYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also lmao julienne melted cuz shes cotton candy :(

LMAO HERO IS MELTING HELP

i love how hero goes from obviously human to ?? that could be a monster!

madras time

fuckers turned off rgbs body cant have shit in make believe

MADRAS NO WHAT DONT LEAVE:(

and they step back!

elastic valley my beloved

i love these pigs sm

hi tg

"because he's *trying*" hero id fuckign die for you

AAAAAAAAAAAND I'm caught up! post time. sorry if u read all of this i have an illness and its called sharing my feelings all the time

#this is so long im so sorry oih my godddd #DONT READ IT IF U HAVENT READ TPOH I STG !!!!! PLS READ TPOH #hold on gonna add a link at the top

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figuringouthowtobehere · 3 years

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please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood.

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now.

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it.

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would.

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

#childhood abuse tw #tw #tw alone in the world #suicide tw #please dont reblog this #no rb #homelessness tw

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faunusrights · 4 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:

Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.

(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)

The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.

/gunshot oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.

Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.

man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.

It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.

in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.

The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.

She chose not to dwell on it.

i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue

Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”

THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)

We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.

them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.

im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.

“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”

For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.

GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.

“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”

“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.

im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”

“We’re fine.”

“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”

“Just hurry up.”

The line went dead.

this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING

Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in.

[...]

She recognized this now.

Glynda.

stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…

Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.

god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front door clicked open.

Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.

There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.

offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are.

Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”

with my son

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im like sweating rn

Glynda said, “I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I SAID IM SWEATING

Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”

And Cinder said, “What?”

“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”

I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G

“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”

Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”

so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND

so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.

The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.

it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.

a small intermission for a mood:

“Get fucked.”

back to regularly scheduled hell

Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke.

i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help

Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.”

cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :) cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,

Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.

this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.

“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”

NOT NOW

Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.

It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.

They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.

She’d burn them black.

never mind! you are already dead,

She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.

She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?

Yeah, fuck that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.

#liveblog #rwby #offal hunt

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aharris00britney · 5 years

Photo

ASKS 16

haha remember in July when I said I was gonna answer stuff every month... yeah me neither 🙈🙈 anyways lots of stuff under the cut

Anonymous said: You should get along with other Simblrs and start a new cc group now that PTS is disbanded, your hairs and clothes are always amazing! :D

Firstly thank you! Most of the clothing in AxA is 99% ayoshi with me going in after and cleaning/adding some stuff. So I give him props for the clothes :P As far as a ‘new PTS’ style group idk, there are a lot of amazing creators on simblr but I think the reason PTS was such a special thing is because the bond they all had. I feel that when working on collabs with some of my really close friends (such as the one coming out this month with @dogsill and @ayoshi) because we have known each other for over 2 years now. A group of friends built only for collabing purposes would be more of a hassle than an enjoyment imo. <3

Anonymous said: HELLLOOOO! just curious bc why not but what is your favorite creation that you have made??

It varies every month to be honest lmao. If you asked me to pick a favorite hair from each month? Easy, always the last release of the month. But favorite hair ever? Awwww shucks 🤠 lmao I would say my Madison Hair is one of my favorite hair releases, I am planning to revamp it soon to work with my Mia ombre accessories and tidy the mesh up some.

Anonymous said: hello, when will this collection be free for public download please? /post/186706149526/patreon-08-19

That came out in August luv, go to my downloads page and click AxA 2019

Anonymous said: Hi! Idk if you do wcif!!!! But if you do, wcif the freckles on the girl with the short hair on the BOP AHOOB collab?? If you know! Thank you much in advance!!!!!

Hey! You’ll need to send Bowl-Of-Plumbobs a message for that WCIF, that was his Sim otherwise I would link you. Sorry hun

@lumalinrose-sims said: Not a question, but you are like so cool I can't even--

thank you lmao I appreciate it, your profile pic it pretty cool :P

@ang3lba3 said: sarah is so pretty!!! is there a way to download how she looks in its entirety, or no? (sorry if this is a silly question im pretty new to the sims)

not silly don’t worry :P the Sarah hair is for download on the post, the sim can be downloaded here but she is a bit outdated as I have changed her somewhat since then.

Anonymous said: Hihi just stopping by to tell you how much I love your hairs!!

thank you so much! I appreciate the love<3

Anonymous said: hi! i just wanted to say that i love your cc so much i and always look forward to your posts! you make the cutest cc ever and honestly you're probably my favorite cc maker. you also seem like such a chill and genuine person we truly stan.

fgvhbjn thank you lmao I am literally TOO CHILL irl lmao I let people run over me so much but it’s whatever. Thank you again for the super sweet message. Have a great day if you’re reading this :)

Anonymous said: Heeeey we have the same name

Austin club :P great name til you’re trying to sign something and it looks awful (at least for me I can’t do my signature for shit)

Anonymous said: the collab with bop is so boring and dull it’s drier than a cracker it’s a no from me

well not everything is going to be someones cup of tea lmao I’m sure there is someone that enjoys it which counters you’re negative view <3

Anonymous said: Hi I love your cc! I have almost all of it in my game and I love your tropical punch palette so much I was wondering if you would ever consider releasing the palette.

If I ever make an ombre accessory tutorial video I will release a set of actions for the palette. If you wanna use the palette feel free to grab the hex codes from S4S.

Anonymous said: How did you become a ea game changer? Was it through Tumblr or youtube?

About a year ago SimGuruKate was the community manager and had applications for Tumblr Game Changers, I applied and got accepted. Follow SimGuruFrost on Twitter to stay up to date on when new applications are open.

Anonymous said: Are you going to upload the hair you made on your livestream? I literally love your work and am a Patreon subscriber!!!

Hey! The hair will be in my October voting (I think) and if it wins, release will be November. If it doesn’t win I will put it in November voting and so forth til it wins. Also thank you for watching the stream and supporting me on Patreon

Anonymous said: hello!! i just wanted to see if knew is there’s anyway i can save my cc and save files somehow where i can download them again if my computer breaks so i don’t have to download it all again.?

zip your Sims 4 folder and upload it to Google Drive/SimsFileShare/OneDrive. Then when you install Sims 4 again you just replace the folder made in Electronic Arts in your Documents.

Anonymous said: what face do you make when your in love with a bee?

this is an old anon so I doubt they’re gonna check for this, and I can’t find the joke on Google so.... anybody know it?

Anonymous said: i love these collab sets they are honestly gifts from above

mhmm gifts from above for every collab except those in October... those are from below 👹 😳

Anonymous said: the pack is sooooo cute i love everything omg!!!! The male stuff is so adorable i can’t wait to download

Anonymous said: you guys are the only ones i go to for packs i would love to see build buy items in the future we don’t get a lot mm stuff like that

Anonymous said:i just want to say thank you for putting in so much time and hard work and dedication to creating cc for us. i hope there's never a moment when you feel unappreciated, and i want you to know we all love you!

@primadonnaliferiseandfall said: all hail you and ayoshi for the cc pack its so pretty omg!!!!

Anonymous said: omg the kings have delivered!!

Anonymous said: since we got axa 2019 and 2018 will there be an axa 2020? 👀

Anonymous said: Great job on the pack! Everyone's items look gorgeous! Thank you for making this, you talented human being.

Anonymous said: ilysm! that’s all 💓💫

Anonymous said: just wanted to let you know that your content is absolutely amazing and i love it all :) sending love from the uk👍

Anonymous said: would you and ayoshi consider sharing the psds for some of the stuff in your collab? please?

thank you guys so much! Me and Ayoshi were super super happy with the AxA 2019 release and we are so happy with how many people have liked it. AxA 2020 will be a thing, yes. Also I have been working on PSDs that are super easy to navigate. I will get those up soon hopefully.

@graphicpickles said: Hey um, I dont know if you were aware of this but your discord link is broken ^^"

hey! this is super late sorry, discord link should be working now. If not: https://discord.gg/CtQR9tb

Anonymous said: Why would you include a cc hair in a preview for a cas review

because I liked the hair and wanted to use it 😗

@goddesssimmerina said: I just stopped by to tell you how much I LOVE your content. *_* I just went through and downloaded soooo much! xD I actually just switched to using MM hair and i'm so glad I did because I'm finding so many of you amazing creators and I thank you all sm! :*

awe thank you!! I appreciate it. Welcome to MM hair world :P

@moonbrightsims said: whats ur origin id?

AHarris00Britney

Anonymous said: how are your photos/screenshots so high quality? seriously, do you use a mod for it or idk editing? or maybe your settings?

Ultra Settings, and I use SRWE for HQ pics.

Anonymous said: if you don’t answer this ask you’re straight

It has been answered. I am no longer straight. Was a hard two months not answering this 😔😔😔

Anonymous said: Hi, would you mind teaching us how you make the LoDs of your hairs? I opened one of them in S4S and found out your LoDs are great looking. I use decimate tool in blender and they look really bad.

I edge split everything before I decimate in Blender, I also delete the hairline and extrude the mesh inside the head before decimating as well. Really confusing to explain in words sorry. Might make a tutorial.

Anonymous said: omg ur cc finds blog has apink namjoo as icon and header. i'm.. sCREAMING. austin knows royalty

yes ma’am now where is the comeback

- it was at this point I realized I have caught up with my last asks post and have answered 4 things over again from Asks 15. Well... I guess that’s it folks

see yall in asks 17 in 2 months.... maybe the end of October idk

#asks #nonsims #saviorhide #i dont even know why i decided to answer stuff tonight it is 1:32AM now and i started an hour ago #let me go be productive and do something like lay in bed playing Animal Crossing Pocket Camp for 2 hours til I pass out #actually let me post a teaser idgaf its 2am but when else am i gonna post it

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foulserpent · 5 years

Note

In a "9/10 Doctors Choose Brand X" scale how many dieties want Nasty Ned's head on a pike? Also, how often is he unconscious for life-altering events? Also also, your art style and world/character-building is really neat, makes the series way more fantastical to absorb as a casual player of the series, even if they're abridged.

well he hasnt specifically pissed off many. id put the list at just molag bal, who wouldnt have it out for ned as an individual but he’d be on a list due to being in a group of boethiah worshippers that squabbled with and wiped out a molag bal sect. also not sure how happy boethiah would be with him, since he was one of their chosen and given goldbrand. but then gave up goldbrand to be destroyed for the mysterium xarxes ritual like a decade later. idk if theyd be mad about that.

as far as other deities go i dont think any would give a shit but he went on a screaming unhinged tirade directed at akatosh after the events of oblivion, like he literally hates akatosh so goddamn much but i doubt that if akatosh ever acknowledged him it would be anything more than passing disdain. he also has rude things to say about most of the rest of the imperial pantheon.

hes unconscious for a surprising amount of them, but not the majority. things just end up that way sometimes. has a bad habit of being woken up to life changingly devastating situations.

#also thank you!#tes ocs #anon #nasty ned

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multiphandomunnies · 5 years

Text

blackpink reacts: hurting their s/o and regretting it

requested: okY imma take a moment and say two things :: one. YOUR BLOG AND WRITING AND UR AESTHETIC IS EVERYTHING UGH WHY R U SO UNDERRRATED two. this is just a suggestion but how about a blackpink and twice reaction to them hurting you really bad and regretting it ? i'm in the mood for angst so- again,just a suggestion,u seem to get a lot of requests so if you have any free time,,you could try :) no pressure tho --🌻anon warnings: angst authors note: so after I wrote this I realized that “hurting them,” didnt necessarily mean during a fight and im sorry cause i made all of these in the sense that they said hurtful things during a fight admin: mirae

J i s o o

With her fists balled up Jisoo screamed over your voice at the top of her lungs, without a doubt letting the neighbors hear everything she had to say “Im sick and tired of you! I dont care anymore about you or about this relationship.” Jisoo said it without any remorse. “Leave!” you yelled while rushing into her room and throwing her stuff out the door. Jisoo couldn't even cry she was so surprised by her own words. “LEAVE!” you yelled even louder when she didnt budge an inch. Jisoo couldn't understand why she listened and why she started to pack up her stuff

J e n n i e

“Do you even try, Y/n?” Jennie asked during a fight, upset that it felt like you werent there for her. Her words pierced right through your heart “Do I even try? Jennie do you not see how hard I AM trying? How many nights I go without sleeping, i'm always the one cooking and cleaning. I'm trying really hard,” your tears slowly trickled down your cheeks, leaving behind a warm wet trail. “Well you aren't trying hard enough since I haven't noticed,” Jennie spat at you, words seeping like venon through your heart and throat, causing both to close up. Emotionlessly you walked to the bathroom and locked the door, your back pressed against the cold wall you ignored her protest and apologies. Jennies words hurt more than anything ever had and the look in her eyes when she said them was scary enough that even satan himself would be quierving.

R o s e

Once Rose said what she did, she collapsed to her knees followed by a string of apologies. “I really didn't mean that and I don't even know why I said that,,please please please forgive me, Y/n,” she said through tears. “You're pathetic” were the words she said that she regretted dearly. Nodding your head you wiped some tears “I understand that you dont even know why you said the but id like some time to myself. Im going to leave but Ill be back later,” you said while walking past her. You needed to clear your mind of her words and of the immense pain she caused you in such a short time frame. Rose cried even harder as she watched you walk out, she wanted to scream and follow you, but she knew that she hurt you and you needed your space.

L i s a

“its almost like ive fallen out of love with you,” Lisa yelled at the top of her lungs. She wasnt the type of girl that would burst out her emotions like so suddenly and she certainly wasnt the type of girl to say things she didnt mean. So why did she say that? “I didnt mean that, I still love you,” she quickly tried to cover up her mistake. The look of hurt and betrayal on your face was enough for her world to end, it all came crashing down on her. Without saying anything you went running out of the door, leaving her behind in the apartment. Lisa stood still, the apartment didnt feel warm and like home anymore, it felt empty and cold. “Y/n,” Lisa weakly called out.

#blackpink #blackpink fluff #blackpink imagines #blackpink scenarios #blackpink reactions #blackpink angst #jennie angst #jisoo angst #rose angst #lisa angst #jennie imagines #jisoo imagines #rose imagines #lisa imagines #jennie scenarios #jisoo scenarios #rose scenarios #lisa scenarios

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wings-of-a-storm · 5 years

Text

LUCAS’ HELL NIGHT ANALYSIS: PART 2 OF 2

Well, with this piece, I have officially finished trying to give voice to all the frenzied thoughts in my head after watching that terrible Friday night unfold for Lucas.

I think the hardest part was revisiting the anguish on Lucas’ face. That is going to haunt us all for a while, no doubt...

Alright so we are up to Lucas running for the exit of Chloe’s house after finding Eliott with Lucille and being publicly outed... That poor guy.

OPEN GANG WARFARE

I only realised upon watching this scene that you actually see the ripple of Lucas coming through the crowd before you actually physically ‘see’ him. Like people were actually flying across the screen because Lucas was shoving partygoers out of the way to get to the doorway. He was like a hurricane, leaving a trail of destruction before and after him. From our limited angle, there are at least two victims: Unknown Partygoer No.1, and the Bouncer.

A minute of silence please for the victims of Lucas’ savagery. Particularly for Unknown Partygoer No.1 who was actually shoved aside the first time Lucas entered the house as well. :’)

Obviously I laugh otherwise I cry. It was actually heartbreaking seeing the lengths Lucas needed to go to to get out of there before he lost it completely.

I actually felt bad for Basile in this scene -- he was being really sweet and trying to grab hold of Lucas to, I dunno, support him? Calm him? Reassure him? He wasn’t to realise that that was the worst thing he could have done because Lucas needed space and distance from the heartbreak he had left behind in the house.

Things might have been ‘okay’ if Arthur’s patience hadn’t snapped; if he hadn’t escalated things further with that passive aggressive jab that was rather below the belt regardless of Lucas’ lies. Things could have been worse though -- there could have been actual punches instead of all the shoving and pulling. And the only casualty was Arthur’s glasses (which the petty part of me kind of revels in?). But still, getting into any physical altercation with your friends is extreme and just goes to show the pressure cooker Lucas’ life had become.

It is a shame the Gang had to reach this point, but they’ve all been kind of assholes to each other at one time or another. I think perhaps only Yann has been a good friend to everyone. Arthur, Lucas and Basile have all been hurtful at some point…

I wonder where Lucas and Arthur will go from here though; how they will make up in the school break if they aren’t forced to see each other in class. (Assuming David sticks to reality in his skipping of the hiatus?) This type of anger between them seems much closer to Marti and Elia than the og -- and it took the special powers of the love wizard Giovanni GaraU to piece their friendship and pride back together. Does Yann have the same touch? Time will tell...

ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Lucas had already reached his breaking point when he engaged in a physical altercation with his friends. He had already lost control over his emotions and was incredibly vulnerable standing exposed in front of the yard. People were staring at him and Arthur was still screaming bloody murder from the doorway about wanting to slap the hell out of him. Of course it was at this moment when Lucas saw the man behind his heartache kissing the girl he said he had broken up with.

So much of Lucas seeing Eliott kissing Lucille was awful. Firstly, Eliott and Lucille could have just stayed inside the party, but them seeking out time alone outside is just so private and intimate.

Secondly, Eliott was the one initiating everything (something none of his counterparts did). He was the one cupping her face and smiling at her and going in for two kisses. Two!

And thirdly, yes, that smile of his as he was looking at her was meant to cut all of our hearts out. Eliott’s smile is like his strongest weapon even if he doesn’t realise it. He uses it as a shield and he uses it to express all the pure and lovely joy in his heart. When he walks into any room, that smile is the first thing you see. It’s nuclear -- even from far away, that smile absolutely knocks you out. And boy did it knock Lucas out.

I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say Eliott was giving Lucille the same smile Lucas gets. Eliott’s a very smiley person and even Lucas’ friends received that kind of smile when Eliott didn’t even known them. I feel like there is an extra level of giddiness to Eliott’s smile when he looks at Lucas. I wasn’t worried about him smiling at Lucille so much. Especially when I assume the context of it, which is...

Okay, so after Eliott was hurt by Lucas and feeling like he had to give him up so as not to be a burden to him, he would have been absolutely devastated. We saw his face in that corridor and that would have been him trying to hide most of it. I’m a little grateful we never saw the extent of Eliott’s private devastation...

But Eliott’s snap decision to cut Lucas out of his life, meant he was suddenly alone with this intense heartbreak, and probably feeling extra vulnerable because it related to that terrible force in his brain that he can’t control and that always messes his life up.

No matter how strained his and Lucille’s relationship had become in the end, she was still someone close to him who really knows who he is and has seen the worst of him. She is so safe. And since we have never seen Eliott with any friends at school, I imagine that Eliott is pretty isolated at the moment without her. It feels completely believable that he would seek Lucille out for that comfort and security. It would also make him feel better about his mental illness to know that there is someone in the world (excluding his parents who we have no information on aside from David’s headcanons), who sees that side of him and accepts it. He’s not alone with it.

Luckily for Eliott, Lucas made his comments about mental illness only a day or two after Eliott had broken up with Lucille. That meant there was a window of opportunity to try and repair things with her. It would have required a lot of effort on his behalf though, to be convincing enough for her to take him back even though he was secretly battling heartbreak over someone else. He might have even ironically used his mental illness as an excuse for their break up (actually, I am convinced he did because it will probably end up fuelling a certain comment from Lucille to Lucas about Eliott’s patterns).

What this means though is that Eliott has to stay convincing for Lucille: he has to be that happy boyfriend who wants to be with her, who just suffered a blip. If Lucille sees through him, he is in danger of being alone again. There is probably also an element of Eliott needing to convince himself that he will be happy with Lucille and can make their relationship work. The alternative of being alone after such a terrible year is just too painful.

So yeh, I’m not too surprised by all the smiles and kisses that Eliott was initiating with Lucille even though it hurts to see them. His instagram diary tells us the truth: that while he recognises the good parts of having Lucille as his girlfriend, it isn’t the same now.

(Side note: His ‘L and him’ caption breaks me! Like A) he is distancing himself from himself, and B) it’s like he is cherishing the letter L and finding comfort that he still has an L in his life. He can almost pretend it is the other L...)

LUCAS' FACE AFTER SEEING ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Well, Lucas’s face after seeing Eliott smiling at Lucille, cupping her face, kissing her, doing things he can still remember Eliott doing with him not too long ago... That is a face that is going to haunt us for a long time. The level of fury in it, of betrayal... I’ve never seen anything like it in Skam. That expression not only cuts straight through your chest, it strangles your heart.

it was so powerful and clearly the exact moment Lucas reached the bottom of what he could endure. Like shit, place a copy of that face into a scientific journal under “Human breaking point.”

When I think about that look and all the intense emotions swirling behind it, It feels like the dark twin of the look Eliott gave Lucas when he was playing piano. When Eliott looked at Lucas in that moment, you were just hit with those eyes, and it felt impossible to even begin describing all the different emotions in them. Lucas’ devastating fury holds a very similar power with all the complex emotions behind it. I consider it a ‘twin’ because Lucas’ eyes also seemed fuelled by love, but love that had been desecrated and turned into a wound against him...

(That gruesome lip curl when he glanced back at Arthur still yelling at him though. Oh damn that was fierce.)

Oh gosh guys, it was just so hard seeing Eliott kiss Lucille during the worst time of Lucas’ life. It was stomach-churning in a ‘I think someone just punched me in the gut’ way. Like, Lucas used to go to this guy for comfort and now in his time of need, when his ex-beard is yelling out his sexuality to strangers, when his friends are yelling awful things at him for everyone to hear, he not only doesn’t have Eliott to go to, but Eliott is so engrossed in the person Lucas always felt second-rate to. Eliott doesn’t even look up at the noise, he is completely oblivious to Lucas’ distress. Could Eliott feel any further away?

I don’t even want to begin trying to imagine everything Lucas was feeling at that moment as he looked at Eliott and Lucille. It is just too devastating. It actually feels worse than what Eliott went through in the school corridor, because at least then Eliott had control over it. Eliott could walk away before ever having to see what Lucas’ face would look like if he learned of Eliott’s mental illness; before ever having to hear Lucas break up with him over it.

Eliott also had all the information over their break up while Lucas remains in the dark (hi Polaris). Lucas is the one who has to see the guy he is in love with for real kissing the person Lucas has always felt second-rate to. And after all those promises that they would be together because Eliott had chosen him...

And since Lucas does not have the information on their break up that Eliott has, all Lucas can see when he looks at them is: Eliott never loved me; Eliott played me; Eliott has been happy with Lucille while I have been so miserable I’ve barely had energy to get off the couch; Eliott lied to me; Eliott never needed space, he just used it as an excuse to get back with Lucille without guilt; of course Eliott doesn’t want to be with me, why would I be so stupid to believe that he did?

And then in the midst of all this gut-wretching pain and the slap of betrayal, Lucas glances back at his friends who he just fought with, who can’t understand what he is going through, who are still hurling really hurtful things at him from the doorway (well, Arthur is), and he is just over everybody.

It almost feels like he is standing in this awful triangle of snipers who have opened fire on the most raw parts of his life -- his sexuality, his family situation, and the man he loves humiliating him in front of everyone. It’s just way too much humiliation and exposure for one person to take. Of course he had to get as far away from everyone and that hellhole of a place as soon as possible.

What is extra fun is that the people behind Lucas seem to have pieced some of the puzzle together. They see his fighting with the Gang, they see the pained expression of his face as he looks ahead, and they all turn to see what he is looking at to cause such an unmistakably anguished face. They see Lucille and Eliott. Guess we’re going to have some fun rumours after all when each section of the party joins up what they have witnessed with Lucas at the epicentre…

LUCAS HURTING HIMSELF

We all had an inkling that the beginning of Lucas’ hell week would be the hardest version for the viewer to watch. I think overall, our assumption was proved correct and that is all because this is the first version where we have seen Lucas’ face in the peak of his anguish.

In comparison, Skam og and Italia gave their Isak/Martino some privacy with their pain. We only ever see Isak’s back as he falls to his knees and cries so loud you can hear it over the Kanye track. We only ever see the vague outline of Martino’s face in the darkness as he screams and cries into his hands (it was so dark, it was lucky we were even able to see the spit flying from his mouth as he screamed). You basically had to rely on all other senses to figure out the amount of pain that Isak/Martino were going through. I think that method is powerful in itself, don’t get me wrong. But in France, we see Lucas completely exposed to the anguish ripping his soul apart. And it is incredibly confronting.

At first when Lucas left the party and the camera was following him down the dark, empty path, it felt like og: Lucas had privacy with his rage and pain. But then everything got loud; all the senses were like doubled. The sound of him smashing his fist against the bars of the fence was so loud and violent. We had that kind of noise in Italia too but that was from the piece of wood Martino was wielding, not his actual hand. So not only do you have the deep echo of metal being hit by a fist, you vicariously feel the pain that that must be inflicting on Lucas’ hand.

And then after Lucas realises he has injured himself and his legs lose power and he slumps down to the floor, the street light completely exposes the expression on his face. His anguish is completely exposed -- and it is anguish that is actually distorting his face. He almost isn’t recognisable. I mean, it is hard to watch anyone suffering that level of pain, but it’s even more hard-hitting with Lucas because his expressions are normally so controlled and neutral.

Two things absolutely wreck me next in this scene. The first is the way he cradles his bleeding hand. When you’ve hurt yourself, of course your natural instinct is to hold the damaged area as if you can somehow contain the pain to that one spot. But since his hurt hand feels more like a physical representation of his emotional hurt, it feels like he is trying to cradle himself. I HATE IT, MAKE IT STOP, GUYS!

The second thing that wrecks me is how after he slumps to the ground and leans his head back -- which also crashes against the metal bars with a deep booming echo -- he mouths something as if to say ‘ow’, like he is just hurting all over, no matter what he does.

And through all of it, he is crying without any sound because the emotion is coming from such a deep place in him. Until you see the numbness take over…

I’ll say it again: it is highly confronting. I can’t even bring myself to take screencaps of it.

I mean, that’s probably why og and Italia took a step back -- because that level of pain is so private and awful, it’s almost wrong for us to witness it. But, well, France plays dirty.

LUCAS HAS NO BEDROOM

Did I just say France plays dirty? Because they are about to double that claim by reminding us all of their trump card: that Lucas has no place to cry privately. His bed is literally in a communal living area while Manon goes through her own grieving in his bedroom.

When a person is as wounded by life as Lucas is right now, it is so essential to have a safe space all to yourself to be able to grieve in. Particularly for someone as reserved as Lucas, who won’t let anyone see any hint of his pain at all (except for this Friday night when his depression was so extreme, he had no energy to move in front of his friends and he couldn’t hide it anymore). How the hell is this poor kid supposed to grieve in a communal living room?!

And that also raises another question: how long did Lucas stay slumped on the cold concrete path on Friday night? If that was the best privacy he had, it was probably a long time. So yeh, thanks for that, France! Like this whole clip didn’t hurt enough…

A TINY BIT OF HOPE TO END ON…

What is unfortunately so hard with Lucas is how reserved he is with his emotions. He is such an island and that makes it hard for others to be able to help him. When Mika reached out to him on Thursday, he got a defensive eye roll. When Yann tried to reach out to him on Friday, he got grumpiness and a hurtful ‘It has nothing to do with you.’ It’s really hard to see Lucas push people away like that and just suffer so many things alone.

This week is going to be such an important turning point for him though. He will finally make that step to trust in others and share the pain that has been slowly drowning him. He has no other choice because he cannot mentally survive like that any longer. And when Lucas starts to open himself up more to his friends and roomates and starts to value that process, it is going to put him in such a healthy place to be able to be that support for Eliott when Eliott’s secrets are exposed and he becomes highly vulnerable.

Lucas’ journey is really tough right now but he is going reconnect with people and with life and be the best person he can be once he starts to accept help. It’s going to be such a rewarding journey to go through with him. <3

#Skam France #skamfr thoughts #3x05 thoughts #heartbreak 2 of 2 #elu #well yep that definitely almost broke me #skamfr goes for the jugular #so much changes when you #actually have to witness the #anguish on someone else's face #axel I am just floored

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 5 years

Text

Stay Ch. 16

Master List

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Angst, and fluff, and feels oh my!

A/N: So yeah I swear I wroth an authors note for this... but idfk what happened.

ANYWAY! Thank you all for being so patient while I got my life together. This one is also short and sweet (guess that’s the mood I’m in). However, y’all should know me by now. This is just the calm before the storm.

Hope you enjoy this one my pumpkins!

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @5aftermidnight@jeromethepsycho @marvel-randomness @daniellajocelyn @katecolleen @yanginginthere@wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2

March 2007

At some point in the last five months, you’d stopped recognizing yourself. The woman in the mirror wasn’t Y/N. Her hair was different, down to even the eyebrows. Her accent distinctly that of a life long Londoner. She worked for an independent UK couture fashion magazine, chose wine over whiskey, and was distinctly heterosexual.

When the chance to work this job requiring deep cover came up in December you jumped on it. You didn’t want to be you anymore. The you that couldn’t be with the woman you loved. The you that was heartbroken. The you who was beginning to doubt that you’d ever be happy. Fuck her.

Being Charlie Daniels was far better. She was, of course, a real person. Just one who was now living comfortably in the Bahamas courtesy of MI6. Even legit agencies had use of freelance talent every now and then.

Settling into her life had been easy. Not setting her boss on fire or blowing his brains out daily was a different task altogether. Turned out that a magazine was a great front for a crime empire. Lots of international travel, young and beautiful and desperate men and women, money exchanged in countless untraceable ways, on and on. And this fucker was happy to take advantage of every single disgusting avenue it opened up.

You almost had everything you needed to hand to MI6, get your obscenely large payout, and get on to another gig while they threw all of these bastards into cells to rot for the rest of their miserable lives. Just one more trip. After whatever horrible things they lay out in Tokyo you’ll be set.

Tokyo is one of those cities you can lose yourself in. Like New York but better for its interesting balance of vibrancy and grounded reserve. You absolutely love it.

The whole point of the trip, at least on the surface, was to focus on Fashion Week Tokyo. Honestly, there was a part of you that wished this was your world. Nothing but runway shows and after parties. Writing about the latest trends rather than delving into the inner workings of the worlds miscreants

Oh well. It was nice enough to pretend. You had to admit that you’d miss Charlie Daniels once you shed this skin in a couple of weeks.

You’re sitting two people down from your boss at an underground show. The level of security here screams that there are other things going on behind the scenes but it’s still a room filled with a who’s who of the Japanese and international fashion communities.

This was your third show of the day, and you knew there would be a party after where you’d have to schmooze all while plucking information from your unsuspecting fellow guests. You’re exhausted. So rather than pay much attention to the show you let your mind wander.

When she walks out you feel her rather than see her. Slowly you turn your head to stare dumbstruck at the model walking onto the catwalk. Your heart begins beating against your ribs, your mouth goes dry, your hands shake.

It takes every ounce of control you have to keep your emotions in. To not scream “Natasha!” at the top of your lungs. To not grab her and run for the hills. Charlie Daniels and her easy life be damned. It’s hard but you manage.

As she turns and comes back down, passing now closer to you, her eyes don’t graze the crowd at all. Head up, shoulders back, she walks the runway like she’d been doing it for years.

The rest of the show is maybe ten minutes but it feels like years. You know the models are all attending the party. Eye candy for the high end guests.

It’s fairly easy to ditch your coworkers in the crowd as you try to find the best vantage point in the room without being too obvious. After a solid twenty minutes, you find yourself planning an escape route. Most of the models are milling about but she’s no where to be seen. You will find her.

But you know you can’t skip out just yet. At the bar, you order a red wine and make yourself seen. Charlie would never miss the whole party after all. You spend a bit chatting with designers and a few models, feigning interest in the whole thing until you hear your boss call out to you.

“Oy, Charlie!” Carl’s voice alone makes you want to put him down. When you turn he’s waving you over to the bar. Sighing heavily you head over.

You’re about ten feet away when you see her, head back laughing at something Carl or his friend had said. Both men are far to close to her for your liking and the hungry look on Carl’s face sets your blood boiling.

He slings an arm around your shoulders and you carefully coach your face to not show disgust. “Charlie here is my best writer. Doin’ some pieces for us on this whole thing,” he waves his other hand around wildly.

“Good to meet ya, Charlie, I’m Dan,” the other man, clearly American says.

“Likewise,” Natasha doesn’t react to the accent at all.

“This here is-”

“Natalie,” Natasha cuts him off, extending a hand to you. Holding her eyes with yours you take it. It’s like touching a live wire.

“Natalie is an American model working here in Japan. May be a good topic for a piece.” He ribs you leaning closer, “And a good piece for the office eh?” Suddenly that MI6 money seems far less appealing.

“I’d love that,” Natasha beams. “Why don’t you guys go mingle and Charlie and I can chat!” The men exchange a glance, but there’s plenty of fresh meat around to sink their teeth into.

Carl flashes you a greasy smile and a wink as he walks away. Thinking clearly that you’re going to snare this woman for him. You, unfortunately, had a few others. Not something you were proud of. Demands of the job you told yourself.

“She’ll take a vodka neat,” you tell the bartender.

“Yes,” Natasha smiles at him, “Whiskey for her. Makers if you have it.” He thinks nothing of it and makes your drinks.

“So, how’s modeling in Japan?”

“Probably about as good as writing for a sleazy jackal.”

You laugh, “That bad? What’s the goal.”

“Getting a cover,” you commend the clever word play.

“That’s a good goal. Long term?”

“Something like that.” She takes a sip of her vodka, “How long are you here?”

“End of the week.” Your skin itches to touch her. The men are rounding back. You hold her gaze and shift your eyes back to them. She catches on.

“Perfect! It’s so hard to have a good interview here, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely. Why don’t you come by my hotel?” You whip out your spare key card. “I’d love to get your story for the mag, maybe do a full feature.”

“A feature would be excellent exposure!”

“Wouldn’t it?” Carl slides up next to her. “We can get you all the exposure you could want Ms. Natalie.”

“Charlie was telling me all about it.” She flashes him a coy smile. “Thank you so much Charlie! I forgot I have a late fitting tonight for another show so I’ve got to run. But we’ll chat soon yeah?”

“Absolutely! It was so good to meet you Natalie.”

“Same! Bye!” She hurries through the crowded room and disappears.

“Busy girl.” Carl quips. “Whiskey?” You look down at the glass by your hand.

“Some guy sent them over,” you gesture to Natasha’s lipstick stained glass. “Seemed rude to refuse. Can’t stand the stuff though.”

“That’s a mans drink,” Carl laughs at his own perceived joke and you force a smile.

Somehow you make it through the rest of the evening. You’d refused to allow yourself to hope that she’d be here, too obvious to come the same night, better to wait. Kicking off your shoes you head straight to the mini bar and crack open a whiskey, downing it in one gulp.

“You really need to be more careful,” Natasha’s voice comes from the bathroom. “I mean not even checking around. Sloppy.”

“Charlie Daniels doesn’t have to check for Russian assassins in her bathroom,” a smile pulls your face so tight it hurts.

“Well, Natalie Rushman isn’t a Russian spy. So…”

You let your real accent resurface as you pull her into your arms, “Natalie Rushman, I don’t know if that’s clever or lazy.” She kisses you hard, tongue sliding over your lips hands gripping your ass.

“Mmm,” she hums. “Kinda like the accent.”

“Oh?” You revert to the clipped posh Londoner sound. “Would you rather be with Charlie? I hate to break it to you, she’s strictly into dick so you may need to get a bit creative.”

Natasha’s head falls back with laughter, “I’m always into a challenge but,” she cups your face in her hands, “I’d much rather Y/N, she’s got a cute accent too.” Your kiss is soft this time, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, honey.” Gently you push a strand of hair out of her face. “Is this smart? Are you gonna get-”

“I’m good. I wouldn’t be here if I thought there was risk.” She pulls away and tugs you toward the bed. “There’s no surveillance on me here, I check in every week, that’s it. This is strictly to build a cover.”

“Cover for what?” She gives you a sideways glance. “Right. National security.”

“Do you really want to talk about work?”

Smirking at her you push her back on the bed. “Maybe later.”

You lean down to her but she stops you by planting a strappy heel in the center of your chest. Trailing your fingers down her leg you snag a knife from her thigh holster. Carefully you slide the blade under the straps, the incredibly sharp edge cuts through the thin suede like it’s nothing.

“Those were very expensive you know,” eyes sparkling with desire.

You slip the shoe off and toss it aside. “I’ll buy you a new pair.” Your lips press against her ankle.

Everything in your life until her was so fleeting. Even your own name, the sound of your own voice, who you were… But with her, you were grounded. You weren’t anything but her’s, you were Y/N.

Suddenly you’re overwhelmed. Caressing her muscular calf you just stare at her eyes. Emerald green, dark liner, lids heavy with lust and exhaustion.

“Natasha…” Your voice cracks and you fight for composure.

“Y/N? What is it?” She shoots up, cradling your face in her hands.

You shake your head, unable to really find the words and unwilling to send this storm of emotions to her. “I just…” You cover her hands with your own. It’s not that you don’t want her, you do. But…

“Can we just… I just wanna hold you…” Her expression immediately softens, eyes sparkling a touch with tears. “Sorry… I… I just…”

“I’d love that, baby.” Tenderly her lips brush yours, then your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids as they flutter closed.

You shed your clothes and crawl into the plush bed. Holding tight to one another you spend hours drifting in and out of sleep, covering the other with soft kisses. Before the sun rises your hands wander southward.

This time you don’t fuck one another senseless. It feels like you’re trying to memorize every curve, every sound, every subtle thing that marks being together. You both know you many not get to do this for some time. The knowledge aches but it doesn’t make having her any less sweet.

Post Snap

You lean your head back on the wall behind the booth. The crying man from last night is gone, you find yourself hoping that he’s resting peacefully somewhere… even though you know it’s pointless to hope for such things.

There are more people filling the bar than there was before. The TVs are off, radios turned up, reporters frantically trying to determine what happened. It was global, that was clear. All planes grounded, trains stopped, communications spotty due to damaged cell towers.

A man speaks frantically to someone who seems to be a friend that he was heading to Nuremberg from Budapest, how the roads are almost not navigable. He doesn’t know if his family is even still there but he has to find out.

Despite his distress, your lips curl a bit at the mention of Budapest.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #black widow #queer fic #wlw

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anastasiaskarsgard · 5 years

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Meeting Roman Godfrey

Chapter 1

Warning - cursing.

I never thought I’d miss traffic and noise. I always took it all for granted, hated it even. But now itd be a welcome old friend. Instead here i was, in a town with a handful of stop lights and not even one mall. You had to go on a road trip, to experience civilization, but I loved my uncle and he needed me... even if he wouldn’t admit it.

I spotted a Barnes and Noble and actually squealed in excitement. i pulled up in my big body Benz and looked a little bit out of place, but i didnt care. My car was understated low profile over the top. With its clear panoramic sunroof, so much technology, and ambiance lighting, id always kid with my uncle that i needed it for my mental health. Really I was terribly spoiled and I knew it, yet I appreciated it and never tried to rub it anyone’s face and NEVER bragged.

inside there was a shockingly big lego display and i remembered how much i used to love assembling complicated structures, while most girls played wth dolls. People never interested me, like how machines and structures did. While most little girl wanted to play with dollies and imagine scenarios about their weddings and husbands, I was trying to improve my laptop (catching a few on fire in my early years).

I walked over and spotted a gigantic Death Star set and clapped in delight, when i heard a chuckle behind me. I turned around to find the best looking man I’d ever seen, dressed in a very nice suit for New York, let alone this shit hole town. He didnt waver or look away when i looked at him and almost looked as though he were daring me to look away. My god he was shockingly gorgeous but looks never have intimidated me, not much of anything does.

“What’s funny?” I asked looking him dead in the eye.

“You.” He smirked.

“Your face is funny.” i huffed and rolled my eyes. Who did he think he was? Green eyed, puffy lipped bastard.

To my surprise he laughed and looked me up and down. Assessed me like i was livestock. sizing me up and trying to decide if he could break me.

“I’m Roman.”

“I’m American.” I replied.

“No my name is Roman.” He laughed heartily. An amused twinkle in his eye.

He really had the best smile, and I really have a thing for noses, if you think about it, its the most imprtant facial feature. A nose can make or break a face, and his cute little slightly upturned nose with its perfect symmetry was for sure making it. combine that with gorgeous green eyes, long lashes, defined bone structure and standing at least 6′3″ he must be one of the biggest pains in the ass, this side of the Mississippi!

If i was the type to give a shit, I might feel self conscious in my velvet Juicy track suit with my hair in a sloppy pony tail and not even a stitch of make up but luckily i was not. Why pretty boy wanted to trade names, probably had nothing to do with me, and much more to do with what he could get out of me. I usually didn’t pay much attention to anyone of the opposite sex, I just didn’t have the patience or interest, but something about this one...

“Generally when I tell someone my name, they oblige me with their own.” He said staring into my eyes with such an intensity that I reacted almost involuntarily.

I have a defect. If someone tries to tell me what to do or control me, I am not fucking having it. Authority has always been an issue, and this was no different. I bet he isnt used to being ignored, and i do enjoy helping people expand their horizons so i turned around and acted like I hadnt heard him.

He walked in front of me, blocking my view of the legos and ducked down a bit to get eye contact. He’s either crazy or incredibly confident. I raised my eyebrows as if to say “can i help you” and I know my face was absolutely sassy.

His face hardened “tell me. Your. Name.” He said slowly and deliberately.

Now it was my turn to laugh. I looked at him to see the smile or just kiddding , but it never came... WOW. So I leaned my face a couple inches from his face and I said “ha. Ha. Ha.”

The look on his face was absolutely priceless and just as I was about to walk away victorious, his nose began to bleed. Probably a coke head, i thought but I was pretty bored in this town so I figured I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and help him out.

“Oh shit, your nose is bleeding.” i said lookinbg around for any type of tissue, when i noticed we were right next to the restrooms.

“What? Seriously? Can you get it?” he implored looking all frightened, dare I say fragile.

Without any hesitation, I wiped the blood from his face. “Come with me, we need tissue, bathroom is right here. Look up and hold your nose.” I grabbed his hand and recieved a shock. static electricity stayed with me a lot and often scared people but he didnt even flinch. He laced his fingers in mine as if it were the most natural thing in the world and i led him to the bathroom.

Once inside, I grabbed some tissues and directed him to stand over the sink. I wet some paper towels and wiped away the blood and then took took the dry tissues and pushed his head back and crammed little tissue torpedos in his perfect little nose.

“Gotta admit, this is new.” He quipped, admiring my handy work in the mirror and laughing in spite of himself.

“What? Bloody nose or a girl not being putty in your manicured hands?”

“Um.... all of it. You don’t listen, you’re kind of rude, but then when theres an issue, you dont hesitate to help and then you’re taking better care of my nose bleed than anyone. no one really takes charge with me.... and now I’m in a bathroom with a woman and we aren’t fucking.” He laughed again.

“Fucking. Classy. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear you were the Godfrey asshole everyone keeps telling me about.” Ever since I’d arrived at Hemlock grove, I’d heard Godfrey this and Godfrey that. Their name was on everything and I’d heard the son was like a 21 year old gorgeous ladies man that was as kind as he was humble.

His face fell into a frown.

“I see that’s the general consensus about that guy. Cheer up Charlie, your nose stopped bleeding most likely, let me just pull these out. i gently pulled the tissues from his nose and waited for blood but none came. “Boom mothafucka its on!” i laughed at my own ridiculousness before turning and washing my hands.

“You are ridiculous” he stated matter of factly.

Roman stood there quietly thinking. I could almost feel the wheels turning in his head. His mood had completely changed at the mention of the Godfrey kid.Maybe his family had lost everything because of them too or the guy stole this guys girl, i felt a little guilty so i relented a tiny bit.

“Hey listen, Roman was it?” He nodded and bit his lip. oh he knows what hes doing. boy he was trouble “I’m sorry if the Godfrey’s are a sore subject. I don’t know anything about anybody here. I’m just helping out my crazy uncle that fell down his basement stairs and broke his hands and neck. I’m from the west coast and this dreary fucking place isn’t exactly my cup of tea. I don’t know why I’m rude before I’m polite but it’s involuntary. My name is Letha, it’s like Lisa with a lisp and now I’ve officially over shared.” I could feel my face turning red. Why was He making me such an awkward mess? My God this WAS new.

suddenly he grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me in stopping just an inch away from my face. “Who put you up to this?” He asked with such venom in his voice it made me flinch. “WHO!?!?!” He screamed in my face.

I tried to push him away but he wouldn’t budge. My mind raced and I began to panic. No one has ever screamed in my face like this and I didn’t like it and yet, the way his eyes searched mine and the tenseness in his body and just sheer panic made me do something I hardly ever did. Especially to a crazy stranger in the bathroom, but I had the overwhelming NEED to hug him. I fought past his hands trying to hold my shoulders in kind of a silly slap fight and grabbed him around the waist and buried my head in his shoulder. He smelled so good.This was outright crazy behavior for me, and i was confusing myself but if i tried to not think, it almost felt nice. A tense minute passed with me holding him as he calmed his breathing with his arms raised. If anyone walked in, it’d be pretty weird.

“Nobody sent me you nut job! Hug me back, you need a hug. And I am NOT a hugger.” i squeezed even harder, nuzzling my face into his collar, his chin gently resting on my head.

His arms hesitantly closed around my back and then he crushed me into a deep embrace. He really did need a hug. “You ok now crazy?” I asked trying to pull back to look at his face but he held me fast. He started to shudder a bit and it was then I felt the moisture hitting my forehead.

Was this crazy ass dude crying? Oh no he was really crazy. Shit shit shit. Good job Letha, you’re gonna get murdered in a bookstore bathroom in shit hole Pennsylvania on a Friday afternoon. Why did you hug this fucking guy? Are you crazy?

Roman loosened his grip and looked deep in my eyes searching for something. What? Im unsure, but he must of found it, because he laughed and looked almost sweet, except tears were running down his face and a moment earlier he screamed at me. Boy I can pick em.

“Well Ms Letha, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’d love nothing more than to take you out this evening wherever you want to go. Before you refuse, I assure you I’m not crazy, it’s just I had a cousin named Letha, which I’m sure you’re aware is an unusual name, that I loved very much and she passed and I’m sorry. It caught me off guard.”

I had heard about that Letha. Everyone that found out my name, told me about Letha Godfrey, the Godfrey girl that was as kind as she was beautiful, but tragically got knocked up and lost her mind talking about angels being the father, and dating some weirdo outcast. when she went to give birth in the familys intimidating skyscraper medical facility, she mysteriously died and so did her baby.

“You’re the Godfrey kid.” I practically whispered staring at him with wide eyes as I tried to recall what I’d said about him TO him.

“Hardly a kid anymore I think.” He smiled. He was so handsome, it was freaking me out. “What’s your phone number? I have to run to the white tower, and then I’m all yours.”

I knew better. He was too good looking and too rich and too everything but something told me he needed me. I know it sounds crazy but I believed in my heart and soul, this perfect beautiful fucking legend of a man needed me. I can’t explain why. I told him my number and turned to walk out of the bathroom, but he grabbed my hand.

“Please answer.” He pleaded pressing a kiss to my hand. He wasn’t trying to make me do anything now. He was giving the power over to me and i was honestly taken aback a bit by the almost desperate look in his eyes. I knew in my heart, he genuinely needed me, but for what?

I can’t explain the feeling I felt in that bathroom with this man, but when I say I felt a deeper connection to him than I’d ever felt in my 22 years on this earth, I mean it. It was thrilling, and scary, and strange. I smiled at him and nodded my head.I tried to lie to myself and act like i wasnt going to answer but dammit I so was.

Maybe it would work in my best interests favor that my uncles’ home was 50 miles outside of town in a very isolated area so I doubted once I told him where hed have to pick me up, he’d actually follow through.

He didn’t follow me out of the bathroom and I just made a bee line for my car. I had to go. I couldn’t help smiling from ear to ear. The cashier smirked at me with what I suspect a knowing glance. Boy oh boy did I know better than to get involved with this guy, but what was the worst that could happen?

#roman godfrey #hemlock grove #bill skarsgard #bill istvan günther skarsgård #bad boy #bad idea #letha #letha godfrey #fanfic #relationshit #meetingroman100 #my writing

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asianpower5 · 5 years

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Ok so its been 24 hours since I saw the movie and I wanted to write down my thoughts, most of it is for me so I can go back and read how I felt about it years from now, its going to be very long and wordy but im just writing as the thoughts come and now worrying about grammar or anything, that includes timeline, so my thoughts may come to me out of order . I’m going to put it all under read more so i dont spoil it for any of you lovely people

So I got to the theater like 40 minutes early because I just couldnt contain myself and I wanted to get my perfect seat. Wore my new HTTYD shirt and brought my toothless plushie from build a bear (another little girl had the same idea she was so cute)

but now onto the movie

they threw me for a loop I was totally expecting a “this is berk’” speech as the very opening, not the raid, but honestly this movie is about change so I liked the change. But I still got my fix, because as they flew back to Berk my only thought was “this is berk”, AND THEN HE SAID THE THING YES.

Loved the scene in the great forge, it just really showed how big Berk is and how many vikings there are, and seeing them all happy and enjoying a meal together just warmed my heart, plus Gobber teasing Astrid and Hiccup about marriage and Valka beating Spitelout at arm wrestling haha.

Tuffnut was comedic gold, talking about his “beard” and giving hiccup bro pep talks. And when he said the earth was round? and the stars? I almost died laughing.

Grimmel being a complete jerk and drugging those poor dragons with their own venom.

Fetch with Hiccup’s leg?? and him dropping it in Astrid’s lap and then being over protective of the leg when Stormfly came near it? Then Hiccup tickling Astrid, what did we do to deserve such a cute Hiccstrid scene?

Toothless meeting the light fury was even better than I thought, he was such a dork and had no idea what to do, then looking to Hiccup for advice about how to flirt oh gosh silly boy.

Im calling Hiccup out on his saying Astrid isnt a romantic, I mean Hiccup is totally the hopeless romantic, but Astrid in my mind is totally a secret romantic, at least when it comes to her own relationship.

Also Toothless practicing his mating dancing by watching his shadow and studying the naddars as they danced was so adorable.

Ok ngl I actually thought Grimmel had shot Toothless in the house, and I was so happy to see that is was part of their plan and that he had back up (sorry Fishlegs I love you and you took one for the team so good on you!). Why I was surprised by this idk, I know these characters enough to know that they would pull something like that. BUT HICCUP TELLING GRIMMEL OFF AND CALLING HE OUT FOR SITTING IN STOICKS CHAIR, YES BOY. That just made the feeling of Berk being attacked and flames burning everywhere hurt so much more.

The meeting with all of Berk? Just wow, I mean first off I love that Hiccup had his whole gang up there with him, just goes to show that he really trusts them and values them as being part of the team. Astrid sticking up for my boy and Tuff just going “IM WITH HIM WHO ELSE” A plus team work, I loved the support. Not to mention the fact that Hiccup was able to convince them all to pack up what little they could carry and leave. I mean we know from the first movie that vikings are stubborn, but they are also capable of change. The fact that they left their home of 7 generations and probably left some import things they couldnt carry with them was such an amazing gesture. And Berk really is where ever the vikings are, it is not just a single island. It really hurt to see them leave the island, the place where it all started, but the fact that they all stuck together really shows how strong of a bond they have as a people.

Light fury knocking Hiccup off Toothless, such a sassy girl I love her. I mean come on Toothless was obviously gunna save him. Also the sheeps wanting to be dragons is something I never new I needed, especially after seeing how afraid of dragons they used to be (I mean the dragons did hunt them, but im all here for them cosplaying as their favorite dragons)

I JUST REMEMBERED I NEVER TALKED ABOUT FLASHBACKS SO LETS DO THAT NOW. First of little toddler Hiccup??? THE FRICKIN CUTEST THING EVER OK. I know there was a line in the trailer that wasnt in the movie the one where Stoick says something like “I believe its your destiny to find the hidden world so dragons and vikings no longer need to fight” but I wasnt sad that they didnt keep this line. I think it makes more sense to have what they did, Stoick talking about finding the hidden world so they could protect Berk from it. I mean this took place when they were still fighting dragons, so yea the line about destiny could mean he thinks Hiccup would destroy the hidden world, but the tone of the scene was so calm and relaxing that to me it gave off the vibe that Stock was implying that Hiccup would unite their worlds, which doenst make sense since again they were still at war with the dragons at this point. So I liked what they had in the movie, I think what they kept fit the tone and it still showed how Berk was at war with the dragons.

NEXT FLASHBACK. Little Hiccup just sneaking down the stairs and then his little face like “oh shit” when he saw his dad was up and trying to sneak back up. The way he said he wanted water, I JUST IT WAS SO CUTE, whoever voiced tiny hiccup good job because omg it was so cute. How happy he was to go over to his dad and sit on his lap. When he asked Stoick if he would get them a new mom, my heart just broke I mean Hiccup was so young that he didn’t fully grasp the situation, and I mean before Hiccup got caught sneaking downstairs we saw Stoick crying. That was so important to me I mean Stoick the Vast, he is massive, and remember the first movie the fact about him ripping a dragons head off as a baby? Yea this character who basically screams masculinity has yet another vulnerable scene, showing yet again that crying is ok (I mean back in the first movie when he told Hiccup he wasnt his son, and when he met Valka again?? yes please keeping showing people that being masculine doenst mean you cant cry!). Stoick teaching Hiccup about love, yes dad points for you, I adore the scenes like these, that show how much Stock loves his family, he would be so proud of Hiccup and who he has become. OH YEA SIDE NOTE HOW I FORGET HICCUPS STUFFED DRAGON? THROWBACK TO THE TV SERIES THANK YOU.

New Berk, cuz thats the best I got to call it right now, love how everyone basically immediately goes to claiming their areas ahha.

Ok Snotlout my boy did you really just say “who died and made yout Chief” because too soon, I still love you

Low key thought they were gunna make Snotlout and Eret a thing, despite the weird flirting Snotlout had with Valka. I mean he was trying to be taller than Eret, and Eret was like hah no, yall id ship it ngl eret and snotlout

Toothless meeting up with the light fury again, but this time trusting his instincts is another reminder that toothless is in fact an animal, a very intelligent animal, but an animal who has instincts and a desire to be with his own kind, I mean can you blame him? Its been at least 6 years since hes seen another dragon that was like him, maybe even longer depending on how long he was alone before he met hiccup.

The throw back to the forbidden friendship scene? With toothless drawing in the sand, and oh God I never thought I would get so emotional about sand but dang that sand animation just was so realistic that I wanted to touch it. Hiccup being like “wow now you can draw”, Toothless growling at the light fury like he did to Hiccup back in the first for stepping on his art, come on guys Toothless worked hard on his art! The light fury flying away but toothless not being able to follow her, another throwback to when he couldnt fly with the dragons during the snoggletog special.

Hiccup making toothless a tail to fly alone, and Im glad they added the part when Astrid said they tried it before, again throwback to snoggletog, and that he didnt want the tail, and Hiccup clarifying that it was because he had no need to fly alone before. Now my only worry here is that the casual fan will just think that the exchange is a copout, I mean unless you remember the special you wouldnt know that they tired making him a tail fin and he didnt want it, so to the casual fan it might seem like they only added the comment to answer the question “If hiccup could make a tail fin why did he never do it before?”. Seeing the special where toothless destroys the tail really adds a layer of depth to the scene, because those of us who saw it remember that it was a statement that even though Hiccup had the ability to create a tail so toothless could fly alone, toothless wanted to fly with his best friend and didnt care for the tail.

now the actual scene with toothless flying alone finding the light fury, first off it was so cute how he showed her his new tail! He was so proud of it, and no doubt proud of his best friend for making it. The scene itself though reminded me so much of the romantic flight, the way they flew together above the clouds and how it gave a sense of flight because we couldnt see the ground, ugg it was so beautiful. I was honestly blown away by the animation, the clouds and the color, they were all so beautiful. Toothless and the light fury flying together and really bonding, similar to Astrid and Hiccup on their first flight together, ugg all the throwbacks to the first movie really killed me. Also Toothless trying to copy the light fury and how she goes invisible was so cute, he was like “ah yes I got this, wait no shit again, no shit again again!” then he basically summons thors power of lighting and finds his new power, so proud of my baby.

Now I fully believe that Toothless was going to go back to Hiccup after he spent time with the light fury in the hidden world, no way my boy would leave my other boy without a goodbye. But the other started to freak Hiccup out, I mean Hiccup knew his best friend would come back, but the others made him doubt it and seeing him freak out was heart breaking.

Astrid being like boy hop on we gonna get yo dragon, yes girl. Honestly them going into the hidden world on Stormfly? I mean need i say anything about the animation in this scene? The visuals were just breath taking, I cannot put it into words. Tootheless being the alpha is always a win, also Astrid calling him a king and Hiccup realizing that this beautiful place of dragons, is not place for humans, because Valka said it best, greedy humans ruin everything.

Hiccup and Astrid getting caught by a dragon and then going on a fun slide ride, and of course toothless comes through as the alpha to protect his humans, ALSO STORMFLY DONT THINK I FORGOT ABOUT HER, CUZ YES. I mean just like toothless Stormyfly will protect her human best friend, and I love her.

How did I forget the next raid scene? I mean dang again the visuals and the lighting were just so spot on. Them all getting trapped? Valka being a badass and working with Cloudjumper to save them? Hiccup jumping and just escaping the clutches of Grimmels dragon? RUFFNUT

Ruffnut my girl dont think I forgot about you, I just I dont even know what to do with you. She was amazing, I mean shes just does not care, not scared that shes a prisoner, she fricking just talks about how ‘hot’ she is and just other random stuff about her life, like girl give me that confidence. But when she talked about the island i was like girl no dont do that, but her flying back and saying she doenst look back in response to being asked about being followed was pretty darn funny.

Bro the scene of the light fury and toothless getting captured? Toothless protecting her and telling the other dragons to stand down, at least until they can escape. Just heart breaking, help is so close, but I guess thats the downside of being the alpha, having that power can be used against you.

Astrid my girl, pep talking my boy Hiccup JUST LIKE THE FIRST MOVIE. And yes parallels again, just like in the first one Astrid said things to hiccup, she was very honest with him pointing out the things that had done wrong, the first pointing out how messy the situation got because of the lies, and in this movie pointing out how he constantly doubts himself, and in both Hiccup has a sassy comment regarding her pep talks, but Astrid always follows up with the good, like how he was the first viking to ride a dragon or how he was always brave, even without toothless, showing how she would always be by his side to support him and help him, especially when hes about to do something stupid. I just ugg they are couple goals, they dont even need to say I love you because they SHOW IT in their actions, in their support for eachother, their cute banters, and I am here for it. ALSO I MEAN HE KISSED HER HAIR EARLY AND THEN HER FOREHEAD THOSE ARE SO CUTE TO ME AND JUST SO NATURAL FOR THEM AHHH. Also “so what are you gunna do about it” “probably something stupid” YES YES YES I AM HERE FOR THAT SHIT

Everyone jumping off the island so they can ‘fly’ on their own, just first off so visually amazing, and second off so symbolic to me of each of them spreading their own wings and growing up into amazing people.

Fishlegs and his baby dragon, I mean come on lets be real that shit is adorable, and baby dragon had his big dragon (does that dragon have a class name? because I dont remember it) friend and Fishlegs be like dont mess with baby dragon.

Yooo I knew it, from the trailer I was like “Tuffnut is probs pissed that this dude cut off his hair beard” and boom it happned, but rip hair beard (until the end of the movie that is when it comes back)

Yall that unspoken scene where Hiccup and Astrid are just frickin shit up WHILE THEY JUST LOOK AT EACHOTHER, I MEAN HICCUP JUST CASUALLY THROWS SHIT TO START A FIRE AND THE ENTIRE TIME THEY ARE STARING AT EACHOTHER HAVE A CONVERSATION COMPLETELY WITH THEIR EYES LIKE THAT IS SOME NEXT LEVEL SHIT AND COUPLE GOALS.

I got such satisfaction out of Toothless destroying grimmels arrow shoter thing and watching as Grimmel started to get afraid, I mean this dude was so confident in his abilites, and up until now he has had the upper hand, but then you can see the “oh shit moment” as he realizes he is starting to lose and heck yea im here for it. Speaking of oh shit moments, when hiccup was riding toothless and they wer getting attacked? and then toothless is like “I SUMMON YOU THOR AND YOUR LIGHTING” and hiccup was like WTH?!!??!?!?

Ok yall that scene when toothless got shot, and hiccup is hanging from the light fury with grimmel on his leg? I mean Grimmel really thought that he had won, he underestimated the love Hiccup has for Toothless, and the moment that Hiccup told the light fury to save Toothless and he let go? the hesitation she had trying to pick who to save? her new mate, or his best friend that she now seems to understand has a great important meaning to toothless? The image of Hiccup falling, and the camera angle? I mean seeing him fall from above, seeing it in his face that he was content, content knowing that his best friend would be alive and safe and that Grimmel would no longer be able to hurt the dragons or his people? Such a self sacrifice, a true Chief just like his father.

Then the light fury to the rescue! Hiccup being like LOL BYE GRIMMLE YOU DEAD. Also reminded me of when he started to ride toothless back in the first movie and they fell and hiccup got back on his back and in control just in time, because dang she saved him his butt just before he hit the water. But seriously I loved this scene, she went back for hiccup, she saw the interactions Toothless had with him, how Toothless protected him and Astrid in the hidden world, how Toothless CHOSE HICCUP when he saw him in danger in the hidden world, she came to realize that this boy is important to Toothless, and she saw that Hiccup was willing to die for Toothless, and she went back and saved him, and God I got emotional.

Also Hiccup leaning on Astrid because he has lost his prostectic leg, yessss im here for it

NOW TO THE REAL TEAR JERKER I mean gosh you could just see the realization again in Hiccup that the dragons didnt belong with them on Berk, that even though they love the dragons and the dragons love them, even though they have worked together for years and they want to live together in peace they just cant do it safely.There are too many people out in the world who would attack berk, and we have seen that both in the movies and the show, and that puts both the people and the dragons at risk.

It was safest for everyone if the dragons went to the hidden world, where no one could find them, well expect Hiccup and Astrid who have been there once. I just cant though, that scene was just so amazing and heart crushing. I mean you can see it that Toothless doesnt want to leave his best friend, and Hiccup doenst want him to leave, but he reassures him that its ok that its best for everyone and that its time to say good bye for now, not forever though. Then oh God how Astrid follows him, because she knows hes right too, she knows that they can no longer live with their dragons safely, and she takes off Stormflys saddle and says good bye to her best friend. THEN VALKA who has lived with the dragons for 20 years, she knows too and she doenst hesitate to let Cloudjumper go free, and it made so much sense to me that she was so willing to do so even after being together for 20 years, she has protected them for 20 years so there is no doubt in my mind that Valka would do this without a second though if it meant that was the best thing for her friend. THEN OMG EVERYONE ELSE FOLLOWS THAT JUST HURT SO MUCH. I mean ever single Berkian seens what Hiccup did, and everyone knows they have a special bond, I mean they all have a special bond with their dragons, but Hiccup and Toothless are different, they were the only pair that we know of that needed each other to fly, I mean sure the other vikings needed their dragons to fly but their dragons didnt need them to fly, toothless relied on hiccup to control his tail and that bond is so special. Anyway, I just thought that all the others saw Hiccup doing this, and hes their Chief the man who started the whole riding dragons for them, so I have no doubt in my mind that they would follow his lead, and again to me they see Hiccup and Toothless doing this letting go, so they must think “If these two can do it so can I”. I just really think it shows how much the vikings truly care for their dragon friends, when you love someone you want the best for them, you want them to be happy, even if that means you need to say goodbye. And thats what happened here the vikings loved their dragons so much that they were willing to say goodbye to their friends if it meant that they would be save, and the same goes in the other direction, the dragons are not dumb and I believe they knew that leaving is what was best too, that leaving meant that their viking friends would be safer. The love they all have for each other is so amazing. I only wish that the goodbye was long, I am so bad at goodbyes and omg I just wish they had a longer time to say goodbye, not only to their dragons but to the others as well, I mean toothless saying goodbye to Astrid and Stormfly too Hiccup? uG I SUCK AT GOOD BYWS OK I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO BE ABLE TO SAY GOOD BYE TO ALL THE DRAGONS.

But man i said to myself ‘you can do it dont cry’ didnt work, I sobbed, legit sobbed, and it wasnt my normal movie cry were its just tears, it was the kind where you can feel the pain in your chest from your heart beating to hard, from trying to hold back the chocked sobs so no one else would get annoyed, although lets be real they are did the same thing so we all cried. Seeing them all fly off, AND THE REVERSE HAND TOUCH I CANNOT, THAT REALLY HURT I JUST COULDNT TAKE IT THE PARALLELS REALLY KILLED ME THE ENTIR MOVIE. Then Toothlesses look back at Hiccup, and then the long shot and seeing the massive wave of dragons, and then seening toothless following from the back as he is the last to leave, the vikings looking on with sadness and fondness for their dragons, really did come for my heart.

NOW ONTO HAPPY TIMES. the Wedding, oh my god, how lucky can a girl be? I got to see the mother of all my OTPs get married, and dang they were beautiful, and they looked so happy, it just warmed my heart to know that these two dorks who truly have a special relationship finally got married. Then Gobber called them Chief and Chiefstriss and wow really hit me hard that these two were going to lead Berk together, because they are always there to support each other. THEN that kiss so cute, and how Hiccup goes to gently cup her face with his hands, just wow my otp is the best.

Then we again have love master Tuffnut who will take Snotlout as his new student, and FISHLEGS HAS A LITTLE BABY GRUNKLE STUFFED ANIMAL IN HIS BAG. aND RUFF being like “you win i love sensitive guys” Then we have Hiccup and Astrid looking out to the sea as their friends and family come together with them, and Astrid lays her head on his shoulder so great.

Now dang my boy HICCUP WITH A BEARD??? BEARDCUP IS REAL, and he is wearing his fur cap, and Astrid looking like a frickin QUEEN, and AGAIN HOW LUCKY CAN A GIRL BE I SEE A WEDDING AND I GET CHILDREN????? MY OTP HAS TWO CHILDREN???? AND THEY ARE GORGEOUS.

buT DANG when they saw Toothless through the fog and then the light fury and then the little baby heads pop up, and you can see how happy Hiccup is. But Toothless doenst immediatly recognize him, which makes sense because I mean 10 year for humans can change the looks drastically, and hiccup has a beard now so he doenst look like what toothless remembered, plus hes the alpha and must protect his family. Astrid protecting her children like a frickin badass mom, and Zephry hidding behind her mom and Nuffink going into her chest? Ug love it, they trust their mom to protec them, and I love this to because it really shows that they are children, I mean I have no doubt that Astrid and Hiccup are going to raise them to be brave, I mean its Hiccup and Astrid, but they are still children and well they have grown in a world without dragons, different than their parents, we know at that age Astrid was fearless, I mean she wanted to fight a flightmare, but now the world has changed and they arent at war and they can raise their kids as kids, and I love that they showed that fear in the children it just gave a sense of realism to me.

Then HIccup DID THE THING with the hand and Toothless finally was like “WAIT THIS IS MY HUMAN” and his eyes went big and omg how he attacked him with kisses and licks. Then Astrids laugh to see them reunite, and them urging their kids that it was ok, and remember before when I said they would raise brave kids? Well this little cuties were afraid, but they still listened and trusted their parents, and omg Zephry was so stiff from fear and her face, and Nuffink was hiding his face, but Hiccup came and showed them how to approach Toothless, and wow here we go again with the hand touch and HIccup telling them to let him come to them, and Toothless did the thing AND OMG THEIR REACTION WAS SO CUTE. The way Zephry cocked her head and smiled, and how Nuffink dropped his hand from his face and his mouth widened in awe of his dragon.

THEN I GET TO SEE HICCUP WITH HIS SON RIDING TOOHTLESS? AND HIS SOON IS JUST MAKING THE CUTEST LITTLE WAVING MOTIONS WITH HIS HANDS. And hiccup throwing his kid in the air as he giggles in delight, and I swear I heard him say “Dada” and it killed me. Then Astrid being Astrid flys right passed them ON STORMFLY, like thank you for not forgetting about my girl, because she loves Stormfly and Stormfly loves her and seeing Astrid ride her with her daughter just made the scene even better. They could have easily forgotten about my girl, but they didnt, they didnt do her dirty, I may not have gotten to see the moment when she and Stormfly met again, BUT I SAW THEY RIDING TOGETHER AND THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

Oh yea bonus points for seeing the light fury and the babies flying with them. Then Hiccup just flys upside down dropping Nuffink on Astrids head, and ug the way he just casually clings to his mother, then I was like wow I hope Zephry gets to ride Toothless with he father, AND THEN HE PULLED UP NEXT TO THEM AND HELD OUT HIS HAND TO DO JUST THAT, dreamworks you really came through for me, thank you so much for allowing Dead and all the other hard workers of this franchise make this amazing world for us. It tore my heart apart, but I loved every second of it, and I have no regrets, it was honestly a great ending,no matter how badly it hurt and how badly I wanted them to live together forever, it was just the perfect ending with a great lesson about letting go and moving on, becoming your own person, and being happy with the memories you had, because being able to say you loved something or someone and letting them go is better than never loving them at all, thats what happend to the vikings and dragons, and thats what happened to me personally at the end of it all. I cant wait to relive the magic and watch all the movies again.

oh how could I forget? The end credits, you thought the pain ended with the end of the movie nope the credits are going to give you every major scene from each movie, reminding us where we started and where we have come to, and that was just the cherry on top of it all.

Also side note a girl sat behind me and she goes “is that a toothless plushie?” and yes it was so she asked to see it so i handed him to her and we started talking about the movie, she was able to see it during an early release boo i had work. Anyway she asks me how old i was when the first came out, and I said 16, she seemed shook and i asked her the same, she said she was 5, so if math does me right she would be about 14/15. I was older than she is currently is when the first movie came out, thats wild. Then i laughed off the age difference saying “you would never know ill be 25 in a week”, and her (i assume) mom said I looked young haha. But because of the age difference I gave her some good life advice, I told her not to care about what others think of you, Im almost 25 crying over a dragon movie that means the world to me as i sit with my dragon plushie, and her mom just agreed with me and told her to listen to me because I knew what I was saying haha. Shout out to this girl too because shes the one who told me that Hiccup and Astrids’s kids had cannon names, I had been avoiding everything I could about this movie so I was glad to be up to date on that.

Wow this took me like 2 hours to write i think? I mean yea it was mostly for me to read later in life so I can remember this day, all the photos i took before hand, and all the excitement I had, wow Hi future me! Sorry about all the grammar mistakes but Im just typing as the thoughts come, hope I didnt break your heart again as you read all this. Until next time

#httyd 3 #httyd3 #how to train your dragon the hidden world #httyd #VERY LONG POST #personal #this is literally just for me to read later #and im tagging it just so i can find it later in life

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gr1mrreaps · 5 years

Text

We sat under the stars in the back off his truck and he told me of a girl he loved more than he loved breathing, he described the way her hair curled around his fingers and how her voice sounded like church bells. Tears fallin he wrapped his arms around me and cried into my neck when he whispered her name, I let him fall apart in my hands because I know how painful it can be to be in love with someone just out of reach.. He told me she loved him too, but it wasn’t the right time and how he was afraid to hurt me because he knew if she called he’d go running. All I could do was smile with tears in my eyes and tell him it was okay.. He kissed my check and told me he prayed I found happiness, so I told him about you.. how times never lined up, and how you were off living your life. I told him about how I missed your touch, and I missed seeing the sun shine from your smile. His laughter made my chest feel warm and he squeezed me tighter as I ranted about you, and he about her..

— it’s crazy how to broken hearts find solace in one another, she holds him and you hold me.. his skin is rougher than yours, and mine is softer than hers. He smiles as he says I smell like flowers and I laugh when I say impossible.

He makes me smile, and numbs the pain or maybe it’s the weed.. maybe mistakes should be made, is it bad that I just.. want to sleep until time decides I should be happy?

‘I can’t love you like you deserve and you don’t deserve to be a rebound’ - it hurts and makes me happy to hear those words, I know what he means. His love is like the moon, and mine is like the sun.. both of our hearts on the wrong time schedule.

‘Do you think they miss us?’ he whispers to me as the stars twinkle in his heartbroken eyes, I can’t give him an answer because I don’t know. I wish I did, I wish I could tell him one day our loves would wake up and come back, but the future is uncertain and ever changing. Perhaps their soulmates are right around the corner. He cries harder at that thought, I feel my heart go numb because I can’t help his pain..

‘I could be happy, loving a girl like you..’ he mumbles with our legs dangling off a bridge side, tonight has been an adventure. Stories swapped, tears shed, hearts opened and emptied, I feel like he’s seen the inside of my chest and still wraps me in his arms. When I shiver he gives me a sweater, when he shivers, I grab a blanket and tell him come closer. In another life.. maybe we could have been lovers, but in this.. maybe the closest of friends.

In his room, the window open and the nip of winter slipping in, I trace his tattoos on his chest as he tells me what each of them mean. His arms remind me of ..... and how safe I felt. His laughter brings tears to my eyes when I think I’ll never seen ..... again, I may never see You again.. I have no doubt, I’ll never see ....... again.. this is just a painful reminder of what’s lost..

His fingertips drag across my scars as he listens to why they are there, he traces the pain I’ve felt and tells me stories of how She had the same pains and scars. His eyes gloss over and I wait for the tears, but behind the tears I see the hatred he keeps towards himself and the blame. I hope you never felt that way, it wasn’t your fault.

Laying with him, I felt at peace. I’d met someone who love had slipped away from them just as mine had.. he knew my heartache and he knew how to help me talk. He showed me her engagement ring and told me their plans, how one day he woke up and everything was different, then she was gone. I braided his hair while he spoke to keep him calm, letting him rant and be angry for a while. Should I be angry? I don’t know, but I’m not. I just.. accepted it so easily, and he looks so shocked when I tell him why..

I told him, I fell in love with you because of your fire, how passionately you saw the world, I tell him how I fell in love with watching you exist. How you commanded the world to be good to you as you were to it. How you demanded happiness and controlled how the world treated you. I met confidence with confidence and somewhere the power was shaken in us both.

You began to second guess, doubt, worry, and hide behind walls of glass. I was losing you.. you were slipping through my fingertips and I didn’t know how to stop it.. how do you stop a cloud from drifting away.. how can you hold energy in your hand.. how can you keep a flower from curling in on itself..

I cry and tell him I blame myself for so much, for the pain, the worry, for you running behind your walls, I tell him of my past and how guarded I tend to be, I cry and I choke up.. but he stays quiet and strokes my cheek.. I cry and tell him everything I can think of about you, but then.. I realize, and I look at him and all he goes is “I know you thought I was .... just keep talking to me like I am.. maybe one day you’ll actually get to talk to them like this” and my walls finally collapse, I grab his shirt and scream, I cry, I shake.. I crumbled. Only one other time in my life have I begged.. and you don’t remember it.. he holds me tighter than I’ve ever been held, for a moment it feels like he holds me together. Letting me put myself back from pieces to solid.

Then he grabs my chin and he whispers, ‘it’s a new year, release this pain and let yourself be strong.’ and he slowly lets himself fall to pieces before me. It’s a very intense experience to lay your soul out before another person, it’s even more intense when they return the notion. Only once before have I felt so close to another human being without there being romantic feelings involved, and I hope everyone everywhere has a moment like this.

Inside his tiny studio apartment, pieces of my soul and his now reside in the wood.. the windows and walls could tell my story, the night air has seen all of my pain.. on the floor near his mattress we laugh, he starts and it’s simply contagious.. his deep baritone chuckle lights up the room and is infectious until we’re both laughing. ‘How is it, we couldn’t have love one another?’ he asked, looking at me with those sad brown eyes. I tell him I don’t know, but the universe has a plan.. that’s all I can cling to these days, that there is a plan in motion and I am doing my best, to be my best. ‘What is your New Years resolution?’ he chuckles, a slurr slipping into his words as the weed disappears and the alcohol comes out. ‘To fall in love with myself..’ I whisper, taking a shot I’ve lost count of. ‘Who wouldn’t love you?’ He laughs, and I have to smile ‘I wouldn’t, but god am I learning how too..’ the way he looks at me is with amazement, a look I haven’t seen in quite some time. He looks past my insecurities of my body, passed the things I hate about myself, and he sees the flicker of a flame of love in which I am accepting of who I am. And changing those things I can. ‘To loving who we are, until we can also love someone else!’ His voice fills the air, the clash of bottles rings through the air and we drink to a toast I fully believe in.

‘I was always told you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.’ I laugh at his words, having heard them myself before. How can you love yourself if no one has ever shown you what’s worth loving. He nods, and lays his head on my chest. ‘I would love every inch of you, if my heart didn’t belong to her..’ I know the sadness in his voice even through such a sweet statement. I play with his braids and the tears slip down my face, ‘as I would try to fall in love with you, if my heart was mine..’

His soft snores fill the air, and he falls asleep holding me so tightly I worry if he thinks I’ll disappear. ‘Please, stay..’ is all I can hear from his sleepy lips, my heart clenches and I curl into him..

It’s okay, to feel safe here.. maybe.

He’s not you though..

He never will be..

#rant #sad bot #thoughts #tonight #i wish i could talk to you

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myheadcanonacademia · 6 years

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Do you write drabbles? Ive been thirsting for some first kiss headcanons. Deku, Baku-boi, Kirishima, Denki, Todoroki... as many of the bois as you possibly can. i need it.

above + Shinso

Deku:

Izuku and you lay snuggled together against the wall behind his bed. around the both of you a cacoon of blankets and pillows kept you both warm on the cold rainy day. outside a storm shook the windows. it was just one of those hot chocolate and horror bad horror movie kind of days. you snuggled up closer to Izukus chest, you gazed at his peaceful face as he scrolled through the netflix selection.

“Izuku…?”

His big green eyes look over to you, still scrolling though out of the corner of his vision. “yeah?”

“could we… could you..” you mumbled. it had been a few weeks since you had gotten romantic with Izuku. it was just something that happened the moment you met him, you just worked well together. “id like it if you kissed me.”

Izuku turned bright red. “yeah sure… I..” he awkwardly reached out to grasp your face, but changed his mind and put them on your shoulders. but that wasnt right either. you took his hands in your and put them on your waist. your mouth was as dry as his but there was nothing else in this world that you wanted more. he brought his face close to yours, your eyes fluttered shut as you made your move, your lips just brushing his. Izuku grasped your shirt, clenched his eyes shut and pressed his lips to yours in the sweetest, most gentle kiss ever given.

He pulled back after a few seconds, both of you shaking under the covers. “thanks…” you breathed.

“can we… could i do it again?” he asked with a broad smile.

Bakugo:

Bakugo hated firsts. he got nervous and then he got sweaty and not only was it gross when he sweat he had a tenancy to… explode. so yeah Bakugo hated firsts. and this was going to be his first kiss. the first in a long like of sexual firsts that in his opinion was taking to long to get through. in his mind he knew he was a sex god, but when given opportunity he often chickened out. its was all just so flustering and he hated being flustered.

He walked his date up to her dorm room. No doubt all of the girls on the floor were watching. he shook the idea of an audience from his mind. this was his moment. focus. think of it like any other obstacle to destroy. focus. plan. attack. he could do this.

You turned to him, taking your time getting out your keys out and opening your dorm room. “i had a really great time tonight. Id love to go again.” you grinned at him. he face looking considerably less relaxed. Bakugo on a date had been entirely different than expected. he had been aggressively gentleman like and very sweet. he had even won you a toy in a claw machine. but now…

“yeah me to. bye.” Bakugo ran for it. he couldnt do it. ‘you little bitch’ he screamed internally. he got to the elevator and turned around. his date had gone into her room. fuck.

he smashed his head against the wall, slapped himself in the face and about turned and marched straight back to your door. he pounded on the wood until you opened it. he reached in, grabbed you by the ears and smashed your lips together. after a moment he released you. bakugo was panting, his fists were clenched at his sides. “there i did it. And i had an amazing time, i really like you a lot and im sorry that im bad at this romantic shit because your deserve better. please go out with me again damn it. fuck you.” he blurted out in one breath. you laughed and pulled him down for another kiss.

Kaminari:

You had his headphones on. his big fancy ones he used for his sound board. he had just mixed a new song and wanted your opinion. you and kaminari… denki… had been flirting for a long while. whenever you were cold he was there with a jacket and a hug, he was always touching you when you hung out with friends, you both were obviously interested in each other but both were as inexperienced and shy as well. he sat in front of you waiting for the song to finish, but you really didn’t want it to. there were so many layers, skill in the engineering. he wasn’t a natural born musician but there was skill in his editing work.

he was saying something to you. you slid on ear cuff off. “what was that.”

he went pink. “nothing just… you look cute in headphones.”

“I look cute in your headphones. they are so fancy. mine are from the discount pile.” you laughed. he smiled and fixxed the headphones back over your ears. your couldnt hear a thing he was saying to you but he was blushing. he was so fucking cute. “i cant hear you!” you said way too loudly. he had winced and laughed at the volume of your voice.

he motioned for you to close your eyes. you did so. letting the music surround you, overpowering your other senses. but suddenly Kaminari was touching your arm, your hand. he rested your palm against his warm cheek, he kissed your fingers. you gulped, your eyes still closed. he scooted closer to you. you concentrated on the sounds in your ears. his hand slid along your jaw line and his thumb rested against your cheek. he was talking again but you couldnt hear the words, just felt his breath on your lips.

and then he kissed you. one small peak on the lips and then another. the third kiss lasted the longest. you reached out for him. gripping the sides of his face. your eyes still closed you pulled him close and deepened the awkward kiss. neither of you had any skill. when it was over you opened your eyes. he was smiling.

Kirishima:

Your knees hurt from your spot on the floor in the girl locker room. it was your turn to hold the phone. you all knew it was creepy and you were all being just as bad as Minata but you all just couldnt help it. today had just been one of those days to misbehave. you werent recording or anything, but if you held the camera up to the hole in the wall just right everyone would be able to see the goings on of the boys locker room, which honestly wasn’t as thrilling as you all had expected when the idea had been suggested. of course they talked but it was pretty easy to hear them through the wall. turns out all they did was just… get changed.

No fluffy white towels just barely holding onto their hips, no wrestling under the showers, no slap-ass. nothing. just costume off, clothes on. a few of them would cloud the air with various body sprays.

“this isnt as fun as i thought. the guys are always running around naked anyway.” Momo muttered. “Bakugo was literally standing in the fridge lastnight in his boxers.”

“i guess so…” you kept up the phone hoping to catch something good while the other girls wondered back to their lockers to get ready. and then Kirishima sat down on the bench directly in the view of the camera. and your heart skipped a beat. you were disgustingly in love with him. he had his pants on, his blazer and shirt over his arm while he pulled on his shoes. he was waving goodbye. the boys must be done. he sat quietly for a moment, then buried his face in his palms and took a breath. you got the feeling you shouldnt be watching, but your interest kept you locked in. he smacked his cheeks a little and ran his hands through his relaxed hair. he pulled out his phone and seemed to be playing with it for a moment before making a decision.

“just fucking call her.” bakugo was a bad influence on him.

suddenly your camera turned off to show you an incoming call, Kirishima. “hey.” you answered.

“hey are you out of the locker rooms yet?” he asked.

“not yet.” pressed your eye to the hole trying to see him. this was weird.

“im just leaving i was wondering if you could meet me… ughh… down on the track when your done. real quick i just need some… notes from class.” you could see Kirishima pull the phone from his ear and smack himself in the head a few times. before continuing.

“sure, ill be down soon.” you hung up. but kept watching him. the red head stood pulling his arms through his shirt, he seemed to be trying to pump himself up a little, then he left the locker room.

You found him leaning against a wall down by the track. everything was shadowy and it was getting cold. “… Kirishima?” you asked. it was obvious something was going on here.

“hey… uhh… I wanted to tell you that you were really good at battle training today, sorry i punched you in the face tho…”

“i thought you wanted notes…”

“notes? oh yeah i did… for..”

“kirishima?”

“can i kiss you?” he wasnt even looking at you. he was trying to dig a hole with his shoe.

“yes.” you breathed, shocked at yourself for just agreeing so easily. he was just so handsome in the setting sunlight.

“Im sorry i didnt mean… its just i… yes?” he looked up at you. you placed your hand on his muscular arm and looked up at him waiting.

“yes you can kiss me.” you repeated. “i want you to kiss-”

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours in a deep kiss. you both stood frozen as he pulled away. his mouth open showing you his sharp rows of teeth. “thank you.” he smiled.

“we should do it again sometime. maybe after dinner and a movie.”

Todoroki:

you followed where he led, your hand squeezed in his as he pulled you away from the party he father had put together. the giant home was filled with people who neither of you knew but all sucked up to Shouto because of who his father was. he had brought you along as his date, which would make sense since the two of you had been going on dates once a week or so. You had confessed to him how you felt on a whim, for some reason feeling brave that day and Shouto had actually responded. it didnt hurt that the first time you both had met, before you had known who he was you had been aggressively ranting to your friends about your dislike of Endeavor.

Shouto led you to a small gazebo in his back yard. it was surrounded by gardens and there were twinkling lights tied around the bushed. it was a beautiful warm summer night.

“i actually dont hate parties.” Shouto confessed. you stayed silent, letting him speak. “i like being around people and i like having fun and seeing people smiling.”

“the champagne isnt bad either.” oh yeah, and you had been supporting a half full flute in your free hand. you sipped at the bubbling liquid. it was your second glass and it was going to your head.

“And the champagne as well.” he smiled taking a seat on the bench. you snuggled up close to his side and let him hook his arm around your waist. Shouto chatted on about how much he hated his father and listed all the reasons why he was the worst. you sipped on your drink happily enjoying the lights and the crickets in the garden.

“you know what would really make him mad.” you smiled. “if he walked out here and saw his son making out with a nobody like me.” it wasnt a secret that Endeavor didnt approve of his son courting you. in his eyes you didnt come from a wealthy family, and your quirk while useful added nothing to his gene pool. nothing that he was interested in anyway.

“your not nobody. Your my girlfriend.”Shouto snapped.

“im your girlfriend now?” you poked at him. “and your my boyfriend i guess too right?”

“thats usually how it works.” he raised an eyebrow at you.

“i dont know how ive gotten myself a boyfriend and still havent been kissed.” you laughed. maybe it was time to put the champagne down.

“ive never been kissed either…”shouto muttered.

“maybe we should just kiss eachother.” you smirk. gazing at him hungrily. Shouto nodded and then turned towards you, he leaned forward but paused.

“should i… or do we meet in the middle…?” you were more in shock that he was actually kissing you. now here. like this. and you were drunk. why were you always drunk. you leaned forward and met his lips half way, kissing softly at first but the kiss deepened. it got more and more passionate, his hands holding your waist and then your neck, then knotting his fingers in your hair. his tongue danced over your lips and pushed into your mouth. neither of you knew what your were doing but you had seen lots of movies and the alcohol gave you the confidence to encourage him.

the both of you sat like that for a long while, making out under the fairy lights as the summer air shilled your skin. when finally you both pulled away panting. you smiled at him.

“fuck you dad…” he muttered as he went in for another.

Shinso:

you at on his bed as angry as you had ever been in your life. “and why not” you asked again. “i thought this was going well.”

“you dont understand, i want to im just…” Shinso was sitting in his desk chair, looking at his feet. “its not so easy to…”

“i want you do though. i want you.” you growled. “is it so much to ask for a kiss!?”

“no it isnt… but… it is.”he put his head in his hands. his body was tense and one of his legs shook uncontrollably fast. “its too easy for me to loose control, to not use my quirk.” he tried to explain. “All i need to do is to know what i want them to say. then i ask my question and they are mine. Do you have any idea how many times in the past ive accidentally used my quirk on someone. I brainwashed a classmate for an entire period because i had asked him for a eraser.”

it would have been a kind of funny story in a different situation. told by someone else. but in this situation, to shinso what it meant was that if he ever lost focus he could… in his mind he could hurt people he loved.

“i love you shinso.”

“i love you too.”

“then why wont you have me.” you begged him. pleaded with him to accept you, to embrace you, to kiss you.

“you know why.” he hissed.

You stood up and caged him in against his chair, you gripped his chin and forced him to look up at you. all the hurt and rage you possessed burned in your eyes, but his gaze was much weaker. he broke eye contact. “please dont.” he spoke.

“I dont know what ill do without you Shinso…” you were on your knees before him, you rested your head on his lap and cried. he shook under you and pet your hair.

“please…. please dont cry… dont…. not because of me.” he lifted your head. “if i kiss you will you promise…. please dont cry.” he begged.

“ask me to kiss you.” you demanded. “I need you to ask.”

“why.”

“because i trust you.”

“but i dont trust me… its not fair… please dont put this… dont make me.” now it was his turn to cry.

“you wont. i know you wont.” you pet his cheek, brushing away the tears. You leaned forward and pushed your lips against his. he responded, his face still wet with tears. you both whispered ‘i love you’s back and forth between kisses. when you were both tired he gathered you up in a tight hug. you lead him to the bed and you let him make himself comfortable with his head on your chest.

#my hero academia #my hero academia imagines #midoriya izuku #katsuki bakugou #kaminari denki #kirishima eijirou #bnha shinsou #todoroki shouto #bnha #bnha headcanons

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