#i don't think i'll ever stop being sad for her
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who's afraid of virginia woolf?
jackie taylor x fem!reader
summary: the one where you and jackie secretly love each other while struggling with your sexuality.
warnings: jackie and reader are best friends, everyone is 21+, alcohol, heavy mentions of r and j dealing with their sexuality, homophobia mentions?, lesbians in denial, angst but fluff and happy ending, not proofread, slightly based on good luck, babe by chappell roan!!
making plans of going to college together became a regular thing when you and jackie entered high school. it was only natural that the two of you shared the typical teenager dream of living with your best friend and being roomates in uni, ditching classes and getting drunk instead of studying for exams.
"hey, don't worry." jackie tried to comfort you when you got a terrible score at your finals in senior year. she was fidgeting with the heart necklace she wore on her neck, gently spinning it around between her fingers.
regardless her impressive and actually sad capacity to pretend to be just a silly popular girl with pretty face and shiny hair, jackie was actually smart. you knew that all that effort to act all clueless and giggly around weird teenage boys in high school was fake. you never saw jackie studying during the weekends but, somehow, she would always get the perfect grade but would be the first one to hide it from boys. everyone knew that being too smart was bad. boys would easily get intimidated and that wasn't good for jackie taylor.
"we are gonna get through this together. i promise. i'll help you." jackie gives you that same old sweet looking smile that always get you freaking out inside while putting on your best show to act casual.
one more thing about jackie taylor; she had your heart in the palm of her hands since you two met. you weren't certain about how your friendship actually started, but you were sure that it was almost instantly.
jackie was actually quite popular by the age of eleven. she had the charisma of those late night show hosts you used to watch on tv with your parents, the prettiest and softest hair ever and a sweet perfume that would ling around for days.
jackie was also a natural leader. if any kid needed to complain about a classmate stealing their favorite glitter pen or their favorite sticker, jackie would be in charge of comforting them and helping them with whatever they needed. it wasn't rare for the teachers to have a talk with her after class to compliment her for being such a role model. everyone loved jackie.
you loved jackie, maybe too much.
it didn’t take long for you to realize that. you had the worst time of your life every single day while having lunch in the cafeteria with jackie and other girls from your class. you felt like ripping your ears off when all they could talk about was boys. they weren't even being discreet about it, you thought at yourself as you watched them stare at a couple of losers that were treated like gods with their weird stiff hair full of gel and a mustache that consisted on a tiny clump of facial hair.
while every girl at your table was so mesmerized by them, dreaming about how their lives would be so perfect if they ever liked them back, you were captivated by someone else; jackie.
you could watch her for hours, even if she was too busy looking at boys. you would think that her hazel eyes were even prettier that day, but that was a daily thing. you loved to hear her voice and to see her big beautiful smile adorning her face when she was excited about something and, with her, you didn't mind hearing about boys.
eventually, you and jackie got to live the dream. sharing a small bedroom with your best friend would sound like heaven to any girl but to you, it could be scary as well.
not only you were going to see her face every second at the day but it would also be hard to hear her constant speech about how you had to be more friendly and outgoing and stop studying so much. in another words, she wanted you to date guys.
that was a common debate between you two in high school. her persistent need to find the perfect boyfriend for you even though you were always ready to deny it. maybe she was trying to get rid of you?
"come onnn! all you do is study. remember last year when i had to drag you to mari's birthday party and you spent the whole night hidden in the corner?" jackie made fun of you during your first night together while doing her usual skin care routine.
even with her hair pulled back by a headband and with her face covered in cream, she looked fucking stunning.
"i wasn't hiding! i was just watching everyone from a safe distance..."
"that's actually worse." she giggled. you watch her leave the bathroom with a face mask and wearing nothing but a soft robe that had you on your knees.
“i’m not telling you to go crazy. all i’m saying is that you need to relax, okay?”
you weren’t exactly proud of it but you had to admit that is was too hard to focus on anything else besides her. it was impossible to deny her anything anyway but now? you were in tight shoes.
you could already feel your face heating up while you stood there like a coward with eyes growing wide and fighting for your life to not drool over your straight best friend.
“so? what do you think?” she insists, giving you an impatient glance.
“yes.” you immediately said the first thing that popped into your head.
“what?” you watch jackie’s eyebrows knitting.
“i-i mean, yes! i agree. i should relax more.” you trip over your own words but, thankfully, jackie didn’t seem to notice. maybe you were just stressed with the entire change of routine.
“great! we can start tomorrow!” she clapped her hands excitedly as her smile grew from one ear to another, probably surprised and relieved that you didn’t disagree this time.
[📚]
the first weeks weren’t nearly as good as you thought they would be. you managed to make some friends and actually met nice people, but so did jackie.
every friday night was a new suffocating experience. after a long week, jackie would drag you to the closest bar that most of the students would go to and, for the first half of the night, her duty was to play the matchmaker.
ever since you had agreed with her that night, you would force yourself to look happy in front of jackie at every god damn time she introduced you to a guy.
“i think you have so much in common!” she would say to all of the men before giving you a wink and leaving you two alone in a noisy bar, disappearing into the drunk pool of people.
it was always awkward and uncomfortable, of course. some of the guys ended up being actually acceptable and some were even sweet. but no matter how hard you tried to focus on the conversation, you would eventually find yourself looking for jackie in the crowd just to get your heart shattered by the view of a drunk jackie taylor with her pretty dress, messy hair, and with one of her hands tightly wrapped around the heart shaped necklace, eagerly kissing a stranger.
seeing this at pretty much every friday night didn’t make your daily need to fight against your feelings the easiest. you were drowning so deeply into your own thoughts that, one day, you woke up decided to forget about it.
maybe all of that was just a phase. you didn’t have feelings for your best friend and you definitely didn’t feel like throwing up every time you saw a boy since you were a kid. and, obviously, you wouldn’t fail biology or calculus on purpose just to be tutored by jackie so you could spend even more time with her and listen to her voice.
and absolutely, without a doubt, you weren’t scared of the big bad wolf called truth banging on your door and calling you a wimpy liar.
fuck.
[📚]
everyone know that famous saying “you are what you eat”, but what about you are what you desire?
jackie stopped complaining about you being stuck on your dorm studying on a friday night or during the weekends cause you stopped doing it. now, she wasn’t the only one to frequently visit the closest bar.
most of the time, you were the one to invite her first and at that point, it became a tradition.
you and jackie had different classes during the day and would barely spend any time together until you two met again at night. you, too scared to even look at her, would find an excuse to sleep early or spend the night at some random guy’s dorm that you met the other night. spoiler alert; you didn’t even remember his name.
you noticed the visible disappointment in jackie’s eyes and how deeply hurt she seemed every time you left, too desperate to silence your own thoughts and numb your feelings with good old alcohol.
during the bar nights that you two shared, jackie wasn’t as energetic as before. sometimes, while feeling like you were kissing a fish as your lips awkwardly melded with some other guy’s, you would open your eyes right in the middle of it to find jackie on the other side of the bar, sitting by herself with a filled glass of something strong.
you felt sick to your stomach at the idea of being touched by anyone else except for her, especially a man. but it was worth it if it meant that you could forget her entire existence for the night and wake up at someone else’s bed in the morning (and probably be late for class).
the year was flying by and everything stayed the same, except that the two of you didn’t share a word for the past few months and you avoided each other at all costs.
“i was wondering that, maybe now that finals are over, we could-“
“sorry, i got plans with travis. i’ll see you later!” jackie said while rushing to the door of your shared dormitory. you were a liar but so was she. you knew that “later” was a synonym to “tomorrow if you’re lucky”.
and just like that, everyday was the day to hear a different name. kevin, josh, steve, randy, sam. you even thought about making a list with all those names. you tried to leave the dorm during that nights as well but you were too worried about her safety. it would be much better to just wait for her and pretend to be asleep when the door opens.
you couldn’t blame her, you were the one who started it.
[📚]
in a typical night at the bar, you feel a stranger’s arm wrapped around your waist. you were already dizzy thanks to the couple of shots you took and could barely feel your mouth attached to his. however, you were kind of thankful for that.
jackie wasn’t in a very different situation but she knew how to be pettier than you. she knew you and how you were acting for the past months. how you would look for her with the corner of your eyes just to make sure that she was okay or not too drunk.
you weren’t the most cautious person, jackie perceived your multiple stares and she would make the best of it. while having your attention, she was hiding behind her best mask and flirting with the first man she saw. it was the performance of her life, consisting of a fake smile followed by a loud and high pitched giggle and an exaggerated hair twirling.
you, watching from across the room, felt your blood boil as your hands curl into fists. how dare jackie to do this right in front of you? didn’t she know how badly you wanted her?
retaliating her behavior, you would mimic her actions just to get under her skin. until it worked too well.
you carefully watched jackie leave the bar in quick steps and your first idea was to ignore her. she started the entire jealous thing and she was being childish. but so were you.
you immediately ditched the person who you were talking to and placed the shot glass on the wooden table so you could follow her.
you immediately stopped walking as soon as you put your feet outside, finding her sitting on the sidewalk. you would usually approach her in seconds, ready to go for a hug, but neither of you were in proper speaking terms now.
cautiously, you get closer. she doesn’t look up to meet you but you know that she can feel you there. you sit by her side and hug your legs. the silence gets so loud that you would be able to hear crickets if it wasn’t for the muffled noise coming from the bar.
“what happened to us?” jackie’s breathy and insecure voice finally breaks through the silence after a while.
you finally feel brave enough to look at her. not just look, to see her. to acknowledge her presence. to not ignore her.
“i don’t know.” you whisper. but you did.
“are we even friends?”
“we used to be best friends.” she looks at you and, for the first time in what felt like forever, you could see all of the details in her face again. of course, she was prettier than you could remember.
“you remember when you gave me this?” jackie grabs the shiny heart pendant, rubbing it between her fingertips. there was a small hint of a smile trying to make its way to her lips.
“yeah. you were scared to try for the soccer team.”
“scared? i was terrified.” she adds and you let a whispery chuckle out. “i couldn’t sleep for days, thinking if i would be good enough to even make it to the bench.”
“you gave me this before the first trial and said that if i was feeling too scared, i could squeeze it and it would be just like holding your hand.”
“i guess it worked, right?” you try to lighten the mood, lips curling up into a subtle smirk. jackie ended up being part of the team and, over time, the team captain.
she nods in silence.
“i didn’t even like soccer.”
“what? but you were so good. why did you join the team?” your eyes narrow as you speak and your heart starts to beat faster when jackie takes longer to say something.
“you were part of the team. i wanted to be around you.”
you find yourself looking away from her to hide the sudden heat and the pinkish tone of your cheeks. jackie went through a stressful week that year, practicing and learning the basics without actually liking it just because of you.
the sound of your voices is replaced by a loud nothing once again. the air was growing thicker and even the slightest touch of your shoulders accidentally brushing against each other was a reason to make you unconsciously hold your breath.
“i think i’m a lesbian.” your feel yourself getting struck by a sharp surge of disbelief and in a blink of an eye, she has your attention again. you feel the palm of your hands getting sweaty, going against the cold weather.
“what? why?” you manage to say a few words and, if it wasn’t for the delicate moment, jackie would have laughed at your frantic gaze.
“because.” jackie sighs, not being able to stop playing with the heart hanging on her neck. “i felt absolutely nothing when i had to pretend to care about boys in middle school but i felt the entire world when you were looking at me.”
not only she knew that you were always staring at her in the cafeteria but she liked it. she liked having your attention.
“you were never good at hiding it, by the way.” she snorts but you were sure that she was just as nervous as you.
“i thought i was pretty good…” you whisper, grinning. she was absolutely right, though.
“really? i found a biology test of yours hidden under your bed once. you were even better than me but you said that you were failing it and needed help.” the red color on your face gets more intense as you share a loud laugh. your hands momentarily cover your face.
“i think i just wanted to be around you.” you shrug, defending yourself by echoing her words.
“you still do?” jackie asks and, slowly, the lighthearted smile fades away from your face.
your gaze was lingering on her eyes and wouldn’t dare to leave. not even when you gently leaned closer and your fingers fixed her hair by carefully hiding a small section behind her ear. the entire world felt like it had stopped and you could hear a feather hitting the ground. it was quite adorable how jackie was the one to held her breath now just before swallowing the lump on her throat.
“i think i’ll always want to be around you.” you whisper. there was nothing but love and adoration inside your eyes as you felt completely hypnotized by her. you allowed your gaze to drift down to meet her lips and the hand that was hanging around her ear just a second ago found its way to her face. the palm of your hand fit perfectly on her cheek and you took the opportunity to guide her closer to you.
the first thing you feel the second after closing your eyes is jackie’s soft lips touching yours and how tenderly they were dancing together. it was almost like you and jackie were made of glass and you didn’t want to break each other.
jackie’s hand imitated yours but she used her thumb to caress your cheek. you feel her pulling away from your lips and you feel faint when your eyes open and she is smiling like she had just won the lottery.
“fuck. you are so pretty.” you groan in a dramatic way. with watery eyes and rosy cheeks, jackie nestle her face into your neck and gives your skin a small kiss, causing you to shiver and hug her body tightly, closer to you.
maybe the big bad wolf on your door wasn’t so scary now.
#please tell me u got the title#yellowjackets#yellowjackets x reader#jackie taylor x reader#jackie taylor
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my good looking boy
first fanfic on this app, don't hate me if it's horrendous 😓✋
xo, ali
warnings: child neglect, mentions of abuse, cursing, nausea, body shaming, mentions of starving.
summary: You're the new kid in town, hoping to find a friendship. When you meet the good looking boy that you hope will always be by your side.
I walked out the door, finally wishing I can have a better life than how I had it in Arizona. My mom moved us to Boston, Massachusetts after my dad died, hoping for a new start in life. Maybe find a new husband. She said he died hating this marriage. That I ruined everything. That she wished I wasn't here and that maybe her marriage would have worked fine. No arguments. No hate.
Ever since we moved to Boston, she's been putting on a happy smile. She's been trying to move on. Going to clubs and bars. I heard she found some man at her work place, that they have been hitting it off.
It's been a lonely summer and I finally start school today. My mom gave me the name of the school and told me to walk. I don't have a problem with it, it's just kind of sad walking alone. Seeing the buses and cars.
I made it to the school and immediately see people laughing with their friends. I don't have friends but i'm sure I can make some, I mean it wasn't that hard back at my old school.
I began to walk up the stairs of the most idle staircase. The people in front of me are pretty slow but I really don't care considering we have a good 15 minutes until class.
While stepping up each step, I get pushed by the backpack that's in front of me. Tripping me down to the hands of the person behind me.
"Shit, I'm sorry." I said on the tips of my heels backwards. "Are you okay?" A boys voice spoke to me. I got back on my toes and held onto the railing. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tripped." I spoke to him. I got to the top of the staircase and he grabbed my wrist as I walked away. "Wait, you don't look like you were here last year. Are you new?" He asked looking into my eyes. I paused. His eyes were a light blue and he had some medium length hair. "Yeah, I'm new. This is kind of embarrassing. My first day at a new school and I'm making a fool of myself to the first person I talk to." I laughed quietly. "Well, I don't think you're a fool. You seem like a pretty cool person." He smiled at me. "Thanks, wanna be friends?" I asked him, hoping he says yes. "Sure, why not." He said as he looked down at his phone. "I gotta get going, maybe I'll see you at lunch?" He said while walking away. "Yeah, cya!"
__________
Finally lunch. It's not like I have any money to buy anything but it's nice to get a break. I looked around, trying to find the good looking boy that was with me this morning. "Hey, black haired girl! Over here!" I looked over my shoulder to see the good looking boy calling me over. I walked over to the table he was at, feeling like all eyes were on me.
"Hi" I sighed. "Are you not gonna get lunch? Well it's just because you're thighs look like you ate thirty pounds of cake." The girl next to me spat out. "Alyssa, stop being so mean." The other girl spoke. "You're thighs are perfect. Not that I was looking. I-I just wanted you to know." The good looking boy murmured. "Thanks, I didn't take it in a weird way." I giggled to myself.
"I guess I haven't introduced my friends to you yet. Those two are Debbie and Alyssa. This is Izaiah. Then they're Nate and Madi. Oh and I'm Chris!" Chris.. Alright. "Nice to meet you guys! I'm y/n!" "Cute! Love the name y/n" Madi stated. "Do you want anything to eat? I have a bag of strawberries if you want." Chris whispered over the loud noise of the cafeteria. "I really shouldn't. It's your food plus I'm not that hungry." I whispered back. He put the bag of strawberries in my hand. "Please, I insist. That's what friends are for at the least, right?" He gave off a soft smile. "Right. Thanks." I said whilst hiding my smile. I opened the bag and began munching on the strawberries. I felt happy. I looked to my side, seeing Alyssa roll her eyes at me. Maybe she likes Chris? I don't know. I feel weird for barging into this friendship. The only people I've felt comfortable with were my friends on a phone screen all the way from Arizona to Boston. "Can I have your number considering we are friends and I might need questions to be answered?" Chris asked, pulling out his phone. "Yeah sure it's 602-123-4567." I spoke out. "Thanks. I'll text you so you know it's me." Chris murmured.
_________
"Are you just gonna walk home? It's pretty hot out here." Chris spoke. "Yeah. My house isn't that far away. I live in Lakeview." I said, walking foward. "I live there too! Lets walk together! Let me just tell my brothers that i'm walking instead." He said whilst pulling out his phone. "If you want too. I won't stop you, not one bit." I sighed. Yeah, I like walking alone but he's my first friend in this state so I'll not mind it too much. Wait he has brothers? "You have brothers?" I asked. "Yeah, I live with them and my mom. But my brother, Matt, drives me and Nick, my other brother, to school. Well, that's because he is the only one with a license." Alright, cool. It's not crazy but just cool. I stayed silent. "Do you wanna eat something at my house? It's just- you didn't eat anything at lunch and I wanted to know if you were hungry. My mom would fucking love you. You would also love her food!" He exclaimed. "Okay, I'll go." I said while giggling.
After about 10 minutes, we made it to his house. He unlocked the door and we went inside. "This is where I live. Welcome!" He said very proudly. "Chris honey, is this one of your little friends? Nice to meet you, I'm Mary lou. You can call me Ms. Sturniolo if you want though. Im making dinner and there's always room for one more stomach!" His mom said while stirring the pot. "Thanks, I'm basically starved and can't wait to eat whatever you have in that pot..!" I stated. "Let's go to my room until food is ready." He advised. I placed my shoes and back pack on the floor next to the front door, taking his hand that was pulling me. We ran up the stairs and he opened the door to his room. Purple LED lights, dark green blanket on the bed, a tv, pictures of him and his friends, family photos, empty cans of pepsi, a desk. Just stuff that goes in a room. "Before you meet them, I just want you to know that the two brothers I have are my triplets. So we look alike, but we have our differences. If that makes sense. If you're ever stuck, Matt has a stubble beard, Nick has blonde hair, and I'm the one with ear length hair." He assured. "Cool.. Cool..."
"Did you know me and my brothers have a YouTube channel? We just hit two million subs! I bet you didn't know that about me!" He shouted. "I didn't know that, we should watch it while eating!" I exclaimed.
"Kids, dinner!" His mom shouted. "I'll go get the food, you can stay here of you want. If you don't come I'll just bring your plate up. But you can search up 'sturniolo triplets' and pick whatever video you want to watch..!" He said as he walked out the door. I picked up the remote and went to YouTube on the Roku tv. Sturniolo triplets... There! I wouldn't want to watch a old video.. But I don't want to watch a video that's too recent. Whatever. I can't choose. I'll just ask him what he likes when he gets back.
__
"Took long enough! I was basically falling asleep!" I said as he brung the plate to my thighs. "Well you didn't. Here's your food."
He pulled out two pepsis from the pockets of his gray sweatpants. Outlining his- I need to stop thinking nasty shit. "I brought Pepsi if you wanted to drink something while eating." He said while handing me it. "Thanks. Ya know, I haven't had soda in three years. Forgot the taste." I spoke as I clicked open the can. "Seriously? That's kinda crazy to be honest" "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I couldn't find a video so I would just let you pick any video you want." "Maybe we can just eat and talk?" He murmured. "Sure, that would be nice."
____two months later____
I popped on my airpods and sat on the bench, scrolling through spotify trying to erase the thought that my mom could've had a bad day. But especially, that she would take it out on me. I can't remember the last time I had a good relationship with my mother. I would usually eat at Chris's house when I knew my mom wouldn't feed me. He knows somethings wrong but whenever he asks, I just change the subject. I don't want him to worry about me. He can worry about other things, like grades or if he doesn't understand a question. But he shouldn't worry about anything I have to say. It's lunch time but I'd rather starve than have to look Alyssa in the eyes. Knowing she was judging me every second she got. I wasn't a chubby girl. It's just that everything I ate would go to my thighs. I did have a small stomach. I did have normal arms. I was normal. I at least wanted to be normal.
I hummed to the tune of the song. Closing my eyes and waiting to feel my alarm go off so I could go back to class. I needed the thoughts out my head. I was hungry and I knew it. I had a job over the summer but my mom took my paychecks when they came in the mail saying, "Family shares money. Don't be greedy because boys don't like that." Her voice surrounded my thoughts.
I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I looked over to see Chris. I took off my airpods, staring at him.
"You aren't at the lunch table so I went to go find you. I have a sandwich though. For you." He smiled. "Thanks, this is probably the last thing I'll eat this week!" I said. Knowing it probably was. His smile fell off his face. I looked into his eyes that looked into mine. "Oh- no, I was joking. Don't uhm take that seriously." I awkwardly said, lying through my teeth. He look worried. The last thing I wanted him to look like. We stared into each other's eyes. Neither of us looking away.
I learned in for a hug. My head rested on his shoulder. "Thanks for the sandwich." I whispered in his ear. His hands rubbed my back. I sighed at leaned back to where I was, unraveling the sandwich he gave me and taking a bite. I put one airpod back in my ear, handing him the other one. "Wanna listen?" I said as I chewed. He took the airpod and put it inside his ear as "slow dancing in the dark" by Joji started playing. I looked at the sky while chewing and taking another bite. "I know something is worrying you." He whispered. I look at him while my cheeks were stuffed. I swallowed. "What?" I sighed. "Y/n. I'm your friend. What's bothering you?" He said. I wouldn't tell him. All I was thinking about were those words and 'give me reasons we should be complete'. "Nothing is bothering me. I-I-I'm sorry if I'm making this friendship hard but.. Uhm.. I think I need to go." I gagged out. Whenever I'm nervous I throw up. So I needed to get out of there as soon as possible. I hated throwing up. As I had my airpods in, 'I want you' by mitski played. I knew he could hear it too.
_____
if you want a part two it'll come soon😓✋
sorry of this was dog shit I'm a new writer- I hope you liked it though. Tell me if you wanna be tagged in the next part 🖤
xo, ali
#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#christopher sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#christopher owen sturniolo#y/n#sturniolo x reader
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they were her people
#genshin impact#furina#lumine#paimon#i don't think i'll ever stop being sad for her#i just want her to be loved omygod pls give her real friends#they really isolated her even now that she's free to be herself#she just has her job and that's it plese give her good friends
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𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘵 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵
ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ! ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴜᴘ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀꜱ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏɴ ᴘɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇꜱᴛ
𝘏𝘶𝘳𝘵/𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵
♡ "can you please come get me?"
♡ "hey, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself"
♡ "no, don't cry, I hate it when you cry"
♡ "you look sad"
♡ "oh god, you're bleeding"
♡ "I could just use a hug"
♡ "don't touch me"
♡ "it's okay, just breathe"
♡ "I'll stay for as long as you need"
♡ "you can trust me"
♡ "can I touch you? is that okay?"
♡ "you don't need to apologize, ever"
♡ "hey, hey, you're alright! it's okay, just calm down"
♡ "shh, shh, you're okay now"
♡ "here, hold my hand"
♡ "there's no shame in crying, I promise"
♡ "are you crying?"
♡ "you are what's important right now"
♡ "I've got nowhere else to be"
♡ "I'm at the hospital"
𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵
♡ "I don't want to die"
♡ "I was only using you"
♡ "stay away from me"
♡ "why am I always your second choice?"
♡ "we almost made it"
♡ "leave I don't want to see you"
♡ "why are you helping a monster?"
♡ "I'm barely holding on"
♡ "can I leave now?"
♡ "I guess that's just how little I meant to you"
♡ "I just want to know you care about me"
♡ "stop looking at me like I'm damaged goods"
♡ "there's no us and there never was"
♡ "you deserve so much better"
♡ "don't do this here"
♡ "am I too late?"
♡ "say something, just fucking say something"
♡ "I know. I know I wasn't enough. I always did"
♡ "I did care, I used to care"
𝘍𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧
♡ "shh, stop fussing. I'm just braiding your hair"
♡ "can I borrow your sweater? it smells like you"
♡ "you're my new pillow"
♡ "I'll be here to protect you"
♡ "it's okay, I couldn't sleep anyway"
♡ "you make me so happy"
♡ "aww, you're blushing"
♡ "wait...is this a date?"
♡ "can I kiss you?"
♡ "I'm glad you came"
♡ "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified"
♡ "thank you for being her for me"
♡ "you're so pretty when you first wake up"
♡ "I want you to stay, please"
♡ "dance with me"
♡ "your eyes are so pretty"
♡ "is someone sleepy?"
♡ "can I kiss you?"
♡ "you're so warm"
♡ "this/these are my favorite"
𝘚𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘧𝘪𝘤
♡ “you’re sure I’m sick? ‘cause I feel fine”
♡ “I really cannot be sick right now”
♡ “everyone gets colds. I’ll live”
♡ “I really hope this is just my allergies”
♡ “stop thinking so loud; my head hurts”
♡ "I'm scared"
♡ "I can't even talk properly"
♡ "I feel like I'm letting everyone down"
♡ "you're making a big deal out of nothing"
♡ "I'm so tired..."
♡ "no, you're not fine. you're burning up”
♡ "you need to rest. I'll stay here with you until you feel better"
♡ “just let me take care of you"
♡ "here, take my blanket”
♡ “I’ll make some tea”
♡ “you're in no condition to go anywhere”
♡ “just rest and let your body fight this off"
♡ “take this medicine, please"
♡ "I'm here now”
♡ "right now, the only person you need to help is yourself”
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꒰꒰‧₊˚𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 ─ 𝐉𝐁𝟓 ˚₊· ꒱꒱
─ summary . . . ❨ the daughter of lewis hamilton and a 3 time f1 world champion life is pretty great especially now that you have found a special someone ❩
─ pairing . . . ❨ jude bellingham x fem! hamilton! redbull! f1 driver! reader ❩
─ genre . . . ❨ social media file ❩
─ author note . . . ❨ okay so I got this idea like a year ago and I have now finally gotten time to make it happen so enjoy! ❩
❨ taglist | masterlist ❩
yourinstagram . 4hrs ago
seen by lewishamilton judebellingham 76,389,589 others
yourinstagram
liked by lewishamilton judebellingham 102,890,199 others
yourinstagram winter break photodump pt. 5
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user my wife is a madrid...I don't know what to do with why self now
user stay away from my wifey mr. hey jude lookin ass
user MR BELLINGHAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
user it couple is cookin ya'll
user love that mother is living her best life
user bae wake up Y/N posted a winter break photo dump
user OKAY BUT THAT LAST PIC EXCUSE ME?!?!?!
user madam who got you those flowers
user jude better be careful or papa hamilton gonna have his head if he even thinks about trying anything with his daughter
user why am I kinda living from the idea of these two being a couple
user are you dating jude?
user Y/N come home the kids miss you
user 4th wdc pending...
user so we all know who the guy in the last slide is right?
user love my soon to be parents
user the queen soft launching wasn't on my 2024 bingo card
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TRENTSKI
JUDITH
EXPLAIN YOUR SELF
JUDITH
huh?
RICE RICE BABY
did you really think you could sneek your way into Y/N Hamilton's ig dump and we wouldn't find out?
JUDITH
yes?
SANCHOOOO
SO YOU ADMIT IT
IT IS YOU
MEEK MEALS
glad you finally got together
I was getting sick and tired of you talking about her 24/7
JACK RABBIT
I'm surprised he even got the strength to talk to her
STAR BOY
right?
his brain normally turns to mush when ever her name is mentioned
proud of you bro
JUDITH
thx kyo
I always knew you were a real one
TRENTSKI
damn I see how it is then....
RICE RICE BABY
trents going dark lads
in his sad girl era
PHIL CHEESE STAKE
so wait who knows about you 2 being together?
SANCHOOOO
besides the entire intent after that photo dump?
MEEK MEALS
LMFAOOO
STAR BOY
tell lewis he's the goat
JUDITH
hahah funny
let us have our damatic soft launch
obvi you guys know
the only others that know are max, sebastian, and charles
I'll let lewis know when he figures out I'm dating his daughter this Saturday
JACK RABBIT
mate your fucked
TRENTSKI
DAMN
secret forbbiden romance
didn't know you were built like that jude
MEEK MEALS
what do you mean Lewis fucking Hamilton doesn't know you are dating HIS DAUGHTER
SANCHOOOO
pray for jude guys
these might be his last days with us
STAR BOY
he shall be missed
JACK RABBIT
dw jude I'll delete your search history of you stalking Y/N's ig and twitter
JUDITH
thanks guys...
wiss me luck
TRENTSKI
break a leg
RICE RICE BABY
don't die
MEEK MEALS
good luck
SANCHOOOO
you going to die
STAR BOY
what colour coffin do you want?
I'm thinking bright pink and rinestones
JACK RABBIT
do you need a get away driver?
PHIL CHEESE STAKE
before you die get me and ronnie a hat singed by Y/N and Lewis
JUDITH
I feel so loved rn
yourinstagram . 4hrs ago
seen by lewishamilton maxverstappen1 98,328,479 others
lewishamilton replied to your story!
he's a good lad
but if he hurt's you
winning a trohpy will be the last of his concern
okay dad I'll relay that message to him
good
also don't forget to use projection...
DAD OMG STOP
carlossainz55 replied to your story!
¡HALA MADRID!
maxverstappen1 replied to your story!
Christian is asking if Jude wants to come to the team dinner before the livery launch?
also if he hurts you I will run him over with our matching aston martins
landonorris replied to your story!
what does he smell like?
#꒰꒰ ‧₊˚📁 ─ my works ˚₊· ꒱꒱#f1 x reader#f1#formula 1 x reader#formula one x reader#jude bellingham#jude bellingham imagine#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham blurb#jude bellingham one shot#football#football imagines#football blurbs#laliga#jude bellingham x you#jude bellingham fanfic#lewis hamilton x reader#football imagine#football x reader#football players#football x y/n#soccer imagine#soccer#football smut#football fanfic#football fluff#football angst#england football#football fantasy#jude bellingham smut
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If Simon and bimbo!reader ever had a big fight (not petty disagreements), what would they fight about? How do both handle serious fights and making up?
ahhhh :((( anon when I catch you. It'd likely be at the beginning of the relationship, before she knows about his job and he always leaves for weeks without telling her much about it
>Simon and bimbo!reader fight and make up.
“I just don't understand why you do this to me... just tell me.” Your voice is as pleading as it is demanding, eyebrows furrowed and face scrunched up in a mix of frustration and sadness.
“I can't—” He's interrupted by a small scoff coming out of you, your arms crossed as you look away and take a deep breath. He's never seen you like this before, never so... frustrated and angry. Anxiety starts to fill his soul within seconds, stuck between wanting to keep you away from his job, and wanting to reassure you.
“Do you just.... have a second family or something? Is that what it is?” The accusation makes his own face scrunch up in a mix of mild disgust and confusion. Was his unwavering loyalty to you not obvious? He never even looks at other women at all, his eyes are for you only.
“I don't.” It's all he can say to defend himself. How does he go about telling you he kills people for a living? Sure, he's protecting the world and serving the Queen, but would you look at him differently when you find out the same hands that are so gentle with you will forever be tainted with another's blood?
“Then what is it, Simon?” You never call him Simon. Even when you first met, you've always called him Si. He lets out a small sigh, shaking his head. He doesn't want to be around to fight, he just wants it all to be okay like before— yet he also understands why you're acting that way after months of being kept in the dark.
“I'll be back later.” He turns around to leave the shared flat, only being stopped by another scoff.
“Fine. Leave like you always do.” It was a low blow, you can tell that much by the way his muscles visibly tense up, bulging out of his black shirt. He shakes his head, the hand on the doorknob trembling slightly. He loves you more than anything, but can he really handle seeing the expression on your face when he tells you why he's away?
“'M in the military.” He finally turns around, walking back to you and holding your hand, sitting down on the couch and pulling you on his lap, one of his hands running down the length of your hair.
“SAS. I'll show you my contracts if you don't believe me.” He's willing to do anything to make you believe him. Each silent second only increases his anxiety, barely managing to look down at you just to see the gears shifting in your brain, putting two and two together.
“.... Is that why you always stink when you come back?” There's enough mirth in your tone to let him know you're joking, barely managing to hide the smile tugging at your lips.
“Y'sniff me like a fuckin' police dog when I'm back, love. You like it.” No matter how much you roll your eyes in fake annoyance and pretend you don't like it, you both know the truth. You cuddle up closer to him, resting comfortably on his burly body.
“Y'wear the cool uniforms, Si?” Your voice is softer, almost shy to even ask the question. He knows you like masked men— he's heard you rant about Pyramid Head and Ghostface enough times already. He hums softly in reply, nodding his head.
“Sometimes. Cool mask and all, you'd like it.” He's just teasing you at this point, trying to hold back a smile when he feels you rapidly shifting in his arms just to get closer to his face, unable to hide your excitement.
“Yeah? Can I see?” Your giddiness is almost contagious, making a deep chuckle finally escape his lips. You're not looking at him like he's a monster, you're simply excited about the idea of him wearing a mask. Maybe letting you see Ghost isn't a bad idea.
“Hmm...” He drags out, looking away and pretending to think about it just to tease you. The smack to his arm is enough to make him grin at you, stealing a kiss before adjusting you on his lap, finally allowing his body to fully relax.
“Yeah, I'll show you.”
Bimbo!Reader Masterlist
#ghost mw2#simon ghost riley#stray answers#ghost cod#cod mwii#simon ghost x reader#simon riley#call of duty#simon riley x reader#cod mw2#ghost x reader#ghost x you#ghost x y/n#ghost x female reader#ghost simon riley#simon fluff#simon x reader#simon riley imagine#simon riley cod#mw2 ghost#mw2#cod mw3#cod modern warfare#modern warfare 2#cod#ghost mw3#mw3#call of duty mw3#modern warfare#simon ghost fluff
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Needs & Wants - Sex Pollen Trope Pt. 10 (FINAL PART)
Bucky Barnes x Reader
*Read parts 1-9 first for the full effect!*
Summary: Everything is out in the open between you and Bucky now, but there are two rules for your new secret relationship.
Warnings: unprotected sex, teasing, possessive!Bucky (hehehe), maybe fluff (?), profanity, use of y/n, MINORS DNI, 18+!!!
Feel free to comment and let me know if this requires any other warnings.
Word Count: 2.2k
Author's Note: We've finally reached the end. I think I'll miss this version of Bucky and reader but I'm pretty excited about the work that I'm planning on putting out here next. Hopefully everyone's okay with the conclusion of this, I didn't want to have anyone riding off into the sunset or anything, but I also didn't want to have a horribly sad ending, so this felt right. You guys should totally let me know in the comments what kind of things you'd like to see from me soon! I don't know if I'll take specific requests anytime soon, but I'd love to at least find out what might get you all excited. Thanks for the umpteenth time to @littlemiss-yeehaw for being the best cheerleader and warnings-writer out there. She also draws some unbelievable shots of Bucky based on scenes in these fics.
In the shower, on the hotel bed, in the chair by the window, hell, even on the floor when the two of you rolled off of the bed in the heat of the moment. You’d successfully christened every surface of your hotel room before the clock ever struck midnight. You hadn’t meant to go at it like horny teenagers who found themselves home alone for the first time, but that’s what happened. It’s like you were both thinking about how this may not continue once you get back to the compound tomorrow morning, so you fit as much as you could all in one night.
Now, you’re laying side by side in bed. Your most recent tryst involved you on your hands and knees with Bucky doing all of the right things behind you, and it thoroughly winded you both. You listen as your collective breaths fill the air, the two of you each coming down from your post-orgasmic highs.
“Do you think Dr. Raynor will figure this out?” You ask softly, raising a hand and wiping a bit of sweat from your brow. Bucky laughs and turns his head to look at you. He still can’t get past how pretty you look after doing such dirty, animalistic things with him. Even without the super soldier serum decreasing his refractory period to mere minutes, he thinks he’d be recovered and ready for round five just from looking at you like this.
“That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”
“It’s on my mind, yeah.” You admit. You’re probably more worried about it than you should be, but deep down, Bucky’s worried too.
“So, how do you want to handle it?” Bucky asks, fully rolling onto his side to face you.
“Maybe we just wait and see what she has to say after observing tonight’s mission and then go from there. I don’t want to say anything first and give her anything to use against us.” He’s listening to your words, honestly, he is. He doesn’t think he could ever miss a word you say. But he can’t stop himself from reaching over and running his fingertips along your flushed cheek. You turn to look at him and he lets his fingers ghost over your lips and down the column of your throat until he reaches the notch between your collarbones. His eyes linger there for a moment. Something’s missing.
“You never gave me my dog tags back.” He whispers. You’re not wearing them, and neither is he. So, where are they?
“Yeah, I wasn’t sure when to give them back.”
“Bullshit, you wanted to keep them.” Bucky teases. You push his hand away from your neck at the accusation, but can’t stop the smile that’s creeping over your features. Fuck, he’s so into you. He closes the distance between the two of you and places his body carefully over yours under the covers, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. Even just kissing you sets off fireworks inside of him.
“They’re sitting on my nightstand, back in the compound.” You tell him, hoping it doesn’t make you sound too obsessed. You had planned to give them back all week, but avoiding him made that a little difficult, so instead you left them sitting beside your bed. It was sort of comforting to see his name every night before you fell asleep, and every morning when you woke up.
“Keep them.” He insists, pressing another kiss to your soft, soft lips. You get lost in the moment, focusing on the feeling of his tongue working against yours, his scent enveloping you in the most consuming way, and his weight keeping you pinned to the mattress. You could stay like this forever.
This, of course, is when Bucky’s phone would ring. He groans in annoyance as he breaks the kiss and touches his forehead to yours, looking down into your eyes.
“Tell me not to answer it.” He pleads. You purse your lips, knowing it’s probably someone from the team calling with some kind of update or new order. Bucky groans again before rolling off of you and snatching his phone off of the bedside table. He answers it and puts it on speaker, confirming that it’s someone from the team.
“Hey, sorry to call so late. The threat has been neutralized so you guys can head back now and get some sleep, we’ll debrief in the morning.” Sam sounds tired but calm, so it must have been more of a nuisance situation than a major threat. Bucky closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose with his vibranium hand.
“Sounds good, we’ll be back soon.” He grumbles. You can tell he’s annoyed that you won’t be staying the night here. When he hangs up the call, he lets out a deep sigh before sitting up on the side of the bed, with the covers gathering around his waist. Without thinking, you crawl up behind him and wrap your arms around his torso, hugging him from behind. He stiffens as if he didn’t expect your touch, but that just makes you lean into him more, resting your chin on his shoulder. You feel him slowly relax and having that effect on him warms you to the center of your being
“We’re going to go home, get some rest, and debrief in the morning like this was any other mission.” You say, attempting to be reassuring.
“That’s what you want? To pretend like this was any other mission?” He questions, running his hands over where your arms are wrapped around his abs.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant we don’t have to run in and tell everyone that something might be going on between us.”
“Might?” He chuckles. You feel his abs shake beneath your hands as the melodious sound leaves his lips. You never heard him laugh much before, and you didn’t expect to like it as much as you do.
“Hey, I told you that I fell for you, and you said fuck, I’m cumming. How am I supposed to know you feel the same way?” You tease, letting go of him and laying back on the bed, drawing the covers up over your naked body. He turns a bit to face you and starts pulling the covers away from you slowly.
“Y/n…” He says your name with so much genuine feeling that it sends tingles throughout your body. Has he always said your name like that and you just never noticed before? Yes. “I made you wear my dog tags while I fucked you.” What the hell does that have to do with what you just said? He can see the confusion on your face and it brings a smile to his. He slides back under the covers next to you and begins peppering kisses across your shoulder and collarbone.
“Bucky…” Fuck, if you start saying his name again there’s no way either of you will make it back to the compound tonight. He quickly makes his way up to your face, attaching his lips to yours for a moment and then tugging on your bottom lip with his teeth as he pulls away. It’s the nicest way anyone has ever shut you up.
“I wanted to be able to pretend like you were mine. I fell way before you did.” He whispers against your lips. Holy shit. He feels the same way. Bucky Barnes feels the same way about you as you feel about him.
You know that you have orders to head back to the compound, and neither of you are the type to disobey orders from above, but how are you supposed to pack up and head out after finding out that you have feelings for each other? You can’t stand the thought of traveling back to the compound tonight knowing that you’ll have to put on a show and pretend like nothing happened here. So, why not delay a bit and take what you want one more time?
That very rational thinking is what inspires you to slide your hand between the two of you and wrap your fist around Bucky’s already-hardening cock. He sucks in a breath at the feeling of your small, soft hand wrapping tightly around him, and he wonders how he went so long without having you this way. You’ve been right across the hall from him all of this time. You’ve been going on missions with him for the last two months, giving each other shit nearly every waking moment, and completely missing what had been there the whole time. Love. He won’t say it out loud yet, he doesn’t want to scare you off, but that’s what it is. He’s sure of it. He loves you. He may not say it but he can damn well express it.
That’s how Bucky finds himself, for the fifth time tonight, guiding the tip of his cock inside of your perfect cunt. He’s done this enough times now that he knows as soon as he bottoms out inside of you, you’ll tense up and scrunch your eyes closed, trying your hardest to adjust to his size. He watches as you do just that, and then he feels your entire body relax beneath him and he knows you’re ready. He pulls one of your legs up and over his hip as he begins fucking you into the mattress. When your eyes flutter open to meet his, he has to go completely still inside you so he won’t cum right then and there. You laugh to yourself. You know what eye contact does to him and you love it.
“What’s the matter, James? Keep going.” You taunt, wiggling your hips and forcing his cock to slide into you another inch. He’s only halfway inside of you. He breathes out a slow, calming breath before leaning down and nuzzling his face into your neck, letting his cock sink into you slower than it ever has before.
“You like rushing me, don’t you?” He asks, giving your cunt gentle thrusts. A soft hum leaves your lips at the pleasure that’s beginning to build in your lower stomach. You’re so focused on the feeling that you don’t even acknowledge his question. “Don’t rush me tonight.” He buries himself to the hilt before stilling once more, drawing a whine from your lips. “We’re making love, not fucking, sweetheart.”
---
A few hours later that same morning, a very uneventful debrief took place in the conference room at the compound. You and Bucky turned in your mission reports, leaving out the details of what happened in the hotel room, and then you were dismissed to have a few hours of freedom before having to meet with Dr. Raynor.
Everyone probably assumed that the two of you went off to your respective rooms upstairs, but it took little convincing to get Bucky to sneak over into yours. When he stepped inside and shut the door behind him, the first thing he noticed was his dog tags, right where you said they were.
You kick your shoes off by the door and walk over to sit on one of the small gray chairs that you have off to the side of the room, feeling surprisingly nervous that Bucky Barnes is seeing your room for the first time. Nervous. After everything the two of you have done this week? You’re ridiculous. You watch him as he crosses the room and scoops the dog tags off of your nightstand. He stares at them in his palm for a moment, and for a second you worry that he might pocket them. However, when he turns to you with a soft smile and a mischievous glint in his eye, your fears are assuaged.
“Do you have any rules? For this thing that we’ve got going on?” Bucky asks, taking the free chair across from you and setting the dog tags flat on the coffee table that separates the two of you. You tilt your head to the side, studying him closely. You see what he’s doing. The first night, while under the influence of that chemical, you gave him one rule: no kissing. He returned with his own rule: wear his dog tags while he fucks you.
“I have one. We keep this a secret, just between us, for as long as we can.” You respond, letting your eyes trail over his physique. He’s sitting in your chair the same way he sat in the chair in the hotel room last night. The man knows how to demand attention without saying a damn word. You watch as his licks his bottom lip and then leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together in front of him.
“Fine. It’s a secret.” He agrees, his gaze briefly lingering on your neck. “But I have one rule too.” He reaches out with his flesh hand and begins sliding the dog tags across the table toward you. “You’ll never take these off again.”
BONUS CHAPTER
TAG LIST:
@sarcastickiddo @donttalktosposts @marygoddessofmischief @its-daydreamer23 @lightsonnoonehome @gyokujyn @kandis-mom @millercontracting @alicia-bman @sdddoobydoobydoo @a-rotten-chicken-nugget @buckysbvtch3 @browneyedgirl22 @charmedbysarge @i-dont-know-how-to-words @maraaaamartinnnn @hensawweston @traderjoesmints @fictionallyunavailable4ever @black-cat-2 @just-act-natural @phoenixstark1708 @ladyvenera @walkingwithoutreason @bubblevicioussss @larajadeschmidt13 @thealloveru2 @crist1216 @joannaromanoff @jenniferpendragon @i-will-always-kneel-for-smut @justafangirl1 @sydneylaufeyson22 @khambot @yourmidnightlover @claireelizabeth85 @multifandom-girlie @keyrani @hhiggs @bambamwolf87 @mrsjoequinn @inappropriate-shell @abitofblues @takeyour-pants-off @buckysbaby-doll @buckbuckybuckaroo @yourkenoughyk @kingfleury @cresendolls @missadored @ssugar-momma @fandomsfeminismandme
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#marvel#mcu#the winter soldier#winter soldier#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes smut
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jolene part 2
(aka remus having a fat crush on you) (basically part 1 from remus's perspective)
part 1
james potter x reader -> remus lupin x reader
@mishi-with-jazz you requested this, hope everyone enjoys :)
remus lupin prided himself on being smart. sure, he wouldn't go round bragging about it, but he knew he was clever. he was a good student, always achieving Os, and constantly top of the class (alongside lily). although recently, he didn't feel smart at all. that's because he had made a mistake. a big one. he had a massive crush on you. his best friend's girlfriend.
he hated himself for it. what kind of friend does that? but he couldn't help it. and anyway he had liked you first! way before james did, ever since third year. he felt selfish, thinking that, but it was the truth. james claimed he had liked you for ages, but remus knew that was nothing compared to the length of time he himself harboured feelings for you.
"hello darling." remus was broke from his thoughts by james' voice, and saw you had sat down next to james, across from him. across from him!!
you were beautiful, he couldn't help thinking when he saw you cheekily poked your tongue out at sirius. you had always been kind to him, ever since you sat next to each other in your very first year. potions, if he remembered correctly.
in fact, you even knew about his "furry little problem" as your boyfriend liked to call it. you found out in fourth year, and you were nothing but helpful to him. you promised not to tell anyone and hadn't treated him any differently. he was eternally grateful.
remus had not noticed he'd been gazing at you till you gave him a smile causing his cheeks to warm up and smile back, quickly looking away. he'd been caught staring. that was embarrassing. what if you thought he was a weirdo? what if james had noticed and forbid him from speaking to you? even worse.. what if james stopped being friends with him for fancying his girlfriend?
his panics stopped when he saw lily evans approach the table. he listened to you talk to her, thanking her, and then he noticed james' face. long before you had. before sirius aand peter had. he was blushing. was he serious? james was one of his best friends, don't get him wrong, but he had a girlfriend. it made it worse his girlfriend was you.
remus bit down on his marmalade toast, hard. he was angry for you.
"james are you okay?" he heard you ask curiously, causing him to feel a pang of sympathy for you.
he heard james brush you off, and suddenly it was like nothing had even happened. everyone seemed to have moved on. remus wasn't even sure that padfoot and wormtail had even noticed james' reaction to seeing lily.
he knew you had, though. you were quieter than usual. you looked.. sad.
he shot you a comforting smile, which you returned weakly.
at least you're smiling, even if it was forced.
sometime passed until you spoke up again
"i need to go to the library, does anyone want to come with?" you asked, looking hopefully at james.
"sorry love, got quidditch practice in ten minutes." james said with a sympathetic smile.
"it's fine." remus heard you mutter, you sounded a bit dejected.
"i'll go. i need to anyway, i need a book for the history of magic homework." remus surprised himself, not even processing what he had actually just said.
"thanks remus." you smile softly, and he follows you out of the hall.
you both walk in silence to the library, until remus decides to speak up.
"are you okay?" he asks, looking at your face.
"i'm fine, thanks though.." you said unconvincingly.
"are you sure? you look upset." he responds, giving you a worried smile.
"it's just... james. he's confusing." you sigh.
remus heart stopped. a small part of him hoped you'd tell him that you were planning to break up with james. he knew that was unlikely.
he gives you a nod to continue speaking and you smile in return.
"sometimes i think he still likes lily." you say, avoiding eye contact.
as much as remus wanted to tell you yes!! yes james still likes lily, but here i am and i like you a lot!! he knew he couldn't.
"don't be silly y/n." remus chuckles "james likes you, not lily. she's old news." he gives you a comforting pat on the shoulder.
"really?" you look at remus with such hopefulness, it made him hope what he was saying was true.
"really." he confirms. "james is crazy about you."
you smile at him, looking reassured.
"thanks remus." you say. "you're a great friend."
remus felt himself tense. friend. but of course that's all he was.. you had a boyfriend for godric's sake. he decided, however, he would like being your friend if it made you smile.
"it's no problem, really." he smiles at you and you carry on your journey to the library.
since that talk, you immediately felt closer to remus. you talked more and you both considered each other best friends.
weeks later, you were brought together again.
"you don't usually go to parties, do you remus?" you ask remus, who was holding up a drunk james.
gryffindor had just had a party to celebrate their quidditch win against slytherin and james, being captain of course, was drunk out of his mind.
he was touched you had noticed he didn't usually attend the parties. you were right. he didn't. but james and sirius were on the quidditch team, and he wanted to celebrate their win with them.
"n-no i don't, just wanted to support my friends." he decides to respond, and he knows what he said was apparently correct judging by the smile on you face.
he watched you talk to james comfortingly. merlin he wished you spoke to him like that. you were one of the nicest people he knew.
he zoned out a second but then sees your face, which instantly snaps him out of his daze.
"i'm not lily." he saw you grit your teeth. "would you rather have her take care of you?"
noticing your hurt words, he's quick to comfort you.
"don't worry y/n, he's drunk, he doesn't know any better." he tries to reassure you.
you nod back, but then collapse on a chair.
you looked sad. devastated. remus wanted nothing more to cheer you up.
"look.. y/n, i'll take him up to bed. do you want me to come back down so you can talk.. or do you want some space?" he asks.
"talk." you notice your abruptness and you feel your cheeks warm. "that'd be nice." you add on the end.
remus smiles at you and takes james up to their dorm, where sirius is left to deal with him.
"why's he such a lightweight?" sirius chuckles.
"i know. weakling." remus snorts. "he's fucked up though."
"he has?" sirius responds, with some surprise.
"yeah he's upset y/n." remus responds, frowning.
"prick." sirius rolls his eyes, turning his attention back to james.
"i'll be back.. soon." remus leaves his dorm, and goes back to where you're sat trying to regain yourself.
"hey.." you mutter when you see him, and he takes the seat next to you.
"talk to me." he smiles, sympathetically.
"it's james. again. you heard him. he's always thinking about lily! i'm his girlfriend, not her." a tear rolls down your face.
"oh y/n, don't cry." remus reaches out and brushes the tear away.
"sorry.. i'm pathetic. i just don't know what to do." you groan.
"look.. do you want my honest advice." remus scans your face.
you nod.
"talk to him about it tomorrow, if he doesn't take accountability for it. dump him. and i'm saying that as one of his best friends."
remus feels your gaze on him and feels his cheeks warm.
"oh remus." you lay your head on his shoulder, causing him to freeze up. he knew you weren't drunk but you were still a little tipsy.
he lets you lay there, you look tired.
"i wish james was more like you..." you mutter, drifting off.
remus's breath hitched. although this wasn't reliable at all (you weren't sober), this was progress.
looking at you with a small smile, he just couldn't help but love you.
#x reader#fanfic#harry potter x reader#fluff#angst#james potter x reader#james potter x you#james potter x y/n#james potter#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#marauders#marauders x reader#sirius black
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Warnings: really cliché, buncha fluffs, basically giving birth, cursing, and I don't know what else.
Hi bading! Some of you requested, so I delivered 🙌
Here's Mama DADDY Natasha welcoming her baby and her baby baby!
"So, who's the father?" Yelena prodded for the nth time. Being your best friend, she stated that she should be the first to know whose baby it is that you're carrying.
It's been nine months filled with cravings, mood swings, and sleepless nights. Yesterday was supposedly your due date, but all you've got are the usual cramps and pains and still no baby.
As much as you love your soon-to-be child, you cannot wait for this whole pregnancy thingy to be over because of how much discomfort it causes you.
Especially to your back and limbs.
One time, you even cried when you couldn't reach to tie your shoe because of your developed bump, but good thing Natasha was there to help you solve your crisis, even though you snapped at her for seeing her face.
Simply her face.
The one that makes you frustrated when you see it but weirdly sad when you don't.
Yeah, you're really pregnant.
Going back to Yelena.
"No one. I made this myself, so stop being nosy." You scoffed at her, already imagining her face if you ever told her that her older sister—Natasha fucking Romanoff—was the one who got you pregnant in the first place.
"Oh, come on," She whined, flashing her famous frown in hopes that it could make you give in, but she's in no luck as you just raised your brows at her. "If I ever get someone pregnant, I swear, I won't tell you!"
"I'm pretty sure it'll be Bishop anyway." You shrugged nonchalantly, laughing at her gobsmacked expression. "What? Everyone sees it, Belova."
With a huff, she left you alone, probably to hide her blushing cheeks because it made her feel embarrassed.
-
You were currently in the kitchen with Wanda, watching her bake some cookies, when you felt another contraction coming your way. At the same time the pain arrived, you felt hot liquid gushing down your legs, causing you to look down to see the trickling wet patch in your jeans.
Panic settled in your chest. "Wands, Wands, Wands!"
"Yes, yes, yes?" She joked while mixing the batter in the bowl, still not realizing the state that you're in.
"I think.." You breathed deeply. "I think my water just broke!"
Just like the flash of light, Wanda looked up to see you sweating while you tried to regulate your breath. "Oh, god! Wait, wait, wait—I'll call Yelena!"
You nodded, not being able to form coherent words at that moment because you tried not to panic, but that didn't help because you just realized that Natasha was away on a mission and she probably wouldn't be back for another 3 days.
That thought alone made you whine with a frustrated, pained sigh.
That bastard.
-
You didn't know how it happened, but the next thing you noticed was that you were in the hospital bed with oxygen attached to your nose, and the doctors and nurses were assisting you.
"Oh.." You clenched your jaw, your face turning red due to the unstoppable force of pain flooding you, "Can you fucking get Romanoff here? If I have to suffer, so does she!"
"Why would you ask for my sister when you're-"
"Just call Natasha!" You yelled impatiently. "And fucking make it fast!"
Yelena was really confused and still hadn't processed everything since her mind was still in panic mode, but she did as she was told, dialing her sister and quickly instructing her to come to the hospital because you're oddly looking for her.
When Natasha heard the news that you were about to give birth, she didn't think twice about abandoning the mission and driving fast toward the hospital that Yelena had told her you were admitted to. Along the way, she had this smile on her face that she couldn't brush off, no matter how much she tried.
"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!"
After what feels like years, Natasha finally entered the delivery room where you were lying down. She wore her scrubs, not minding the way her sister had looked at her with raised brows when she signaled her to come out. "Yel, wait outside. I'll handle it from here."
"Why would you want to-"
"For fuck's sake, just go!" You screamed madly, causing the blonde to narrow her eyes before leaving but not before muttering her line.
"сука!"™
You had been suffering for fourteen hours of labor, and the baby still didn't want to go out yet, so your patience was wearing thin. It turns out that the contractions that you were feeling are not the usual ones that you get. You were already laboring and dilating without being aware of it.
"You!" You pointed at Natasha. "Come here! Faster, goddamn it!"
"Okay, okay, chill." The redhead obliged without another thought, grabbing your hand for support, and she tried her best not to wince with how hard you squeezed it when you felt another wave of pain, but she couldn't, muttering a low curse, "Shit."
"Oh, you think that hurts?" You glared at her sarcastically. "This is your fault anyway, so don't-"
"Baby's crowning." Your doctor interrupted your seemingly endless banter cautiously, "Give me five hard pushes, okay?"
If you weren't in pain, you'd be touched knowing that your baby wouldn't go out of you without the presence of her Mama Nat, but no, you're in pain since you refused to take some epidurals. Nonetheless, you obliged.
You pushed, screamed, and teared up until you finally heard the wonderful sounds of cries from your newly born child.
"It's a healthy baby girl! Congratulations, Mrs. and Mrs. Romanoff!"
"Oh, we're not really-"
Natasha cuts off your exhausted rambling as she flashed a teary smile to the doctor who's holding your gays' baby.
"Thank you, Doctor Alison." She couldn't take her eyes off of the wailing child even if she tried, murmuring a small, "Beautiful."
You tugged at her hand, making her snap back into reality. "Congratulations, nemesis. Such a sharpshooter!"
She laughed lowly at the second one before smiling genuinely at you.
"Congratulations and thank you, Y/n," Natasha sincerely mumbled before she slowly leaned down to kiss your forehead. "I love you."
You were surprised with the sudden confession, but some part of you is already aware of those weird feelings that she gives you—love. Before, using the word love beside Natasha's name was like the most impossible thing that could've ever existed, but now, as you realize all those moments and bickerings that you grew fond of as time went by, it doesn't feel impossible anymore.
You love Natasha Romanoff.
In addition to that, it's a moment of vulnerability, and it was rare for Natasha to show that. It's her defense mechanism, so she always makes sure that she has these walls to protect her, but now you could see it in her eyes—feel it.
She trusts you with all her heart.
And since it's a serious moment for you both, it made you uneasy, not being used to the softness just yet. That's why you tried to make it more normal between you two.
You gave her a tired smirk and decided to tease her a bit. "I know you do, Romanoff. I know you do."
"Okay, don't Han Solo me now!" Natasha chuckled lowly. "I know you—you love me too. That's why we keep on beakering. It's like our love language."
Our love language.
"You're so full of yourself." You scoffed sarcastically, though you couldn't help but agree. Not that she needs to know that. "Maybe I'll love you if you promise to change Willow's diaper for the first six months."
"Willow?" Natasha questioned, rubbing the pad of her thumb with your still intertwined hands, ignoring your second remark, "Is that her name?"
"Mhm." You hummed lazily, your eyes now becoming heavier. "Natalia Willow Y/l/n-Romanoff."
-
You obviously woke up with a painful lower body; your throat felt dry as you tried to slowly get used to the blinding light.
You saw Natasha snoring adorably beside you, her head placed above your intertwined fingers. You giggled quietly at how clingy she's suddenly become after all those banters that you two have shared before. You gently woke her up, making her stir a few times before she finally opened her forest green eyes.
"Hi," Natasha mumbled with a soft smile. "How are you?"
"Thirsty," You muttered, your voice raspy, making her quickly get up to go over the table on the corner and fill the glass with water before giving it to you, guiding you as you finished it even though you insisted that you could drink on your own. "Hi."
"Hey, detka." She chuckled at your shy side. "Are you hungry?"
"Yeah," You nodded honestly, "Where's the-"
"So where's my niece?"
"-baby?" You finished while eyeing Yelena, who had just barged in and was slightly restless but really excited.
Natasha mumbled, "They should be here-"
Knock knock!
"-now.." Natasha scoffed, "Yeah, we should really stop cutting ourselves off."
The nurse came in with the small crib, where a peacefully sleeping baby was placed. She was now wrapped in her pinkish blanket to keep her warm, and her tiny hands were hidden with her mittens.
"Oh, oh, oh!" Yelena clapped quietly, running towards the crib to catch a glimpse of her niece, but when she's already gazing at your child, her mouth falls open in shock. "Looks exactly like—what the fu-"
"Language." Captain America entered with a light knock; he was with the other Avengers behind him as they walked carefully inside the room.
"So, why does Y/n's baby have red hair?" Kate questioned, voicing one of the thoughts that was playing in Yelena's head. Thor then entered with a booming clap, having just arrived since he still fetched Jane along the way, causing your baby to be startled and open her eyes slightly, but enough to reveal the shade of her gems. "And green eyes?!"
"It's a fucking baby Romanoff, y'all!" Tony smirked to himself, "Knew you two were kinky shits!"
The others were still pretty stunned at the revelation. Some were staring deeply at the resemblance while either having their eyes wide or their mouth hanging open. Pretty much both. So, when they finally recovered-
"Natasha?!" All of them turned to the redhead who was drinking some water, nonchalantly, on the corner.
"Yeah, it's a long story, but let's just all welcome my daughter—Willow, yeah?"
#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff fluff#natasha romanoff x fem!reader#natasha romanoff x reader#black widow#natasha romanoff x you#black widow x reader#soft natasha romanoff
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teehee I have a small thought (batfam related, yk that one where y/n gets killed)
imagine if y/n was brought back by the pit, but instead of being a "shell" in that hc u made, she becomes completely stoic, like just blurts out what she was feeling back when she was neglected with the most blank expression ever, I imagine it being more focused on bruce and Damian since yk..bruce was the shittiest parent ever, and Damian with his sparky ass insults.
You…God, damnit Anon. You summoned me and I suddenly have the motivation to write after reading your two requests.
I don't know if you wanted a one-shot or HC. So I just went with a HC because it's much easier to push out. Though if you want me to make a one-shot feel free to ask. I'll take 7 years to write it. Though at the end I did sort of a one-shot.
Damian should have known something was wrong when y/n didn't start thrashing around and attacking anything that moved after crawling out of the pit. She just stared at her hands, clenching them into firsts and then unclenching them slowly.
Maybe Damian was too relieved to see y/n breathing and moving to really care. Maybe he thought that she was just in shock. Coming back to life isn't always expected and it can take a real toll on someone.
Not to mention that y/n was, compared to her brothers, far weaker. Not just physically, but mentally as well. So it's not surprising that she was so docile, right? It's only a matter of time before that effect wears off and she'll be normal. Or something close to normal.
Okay, maybe deep down Damian knew that there was a chance that he wasn't getting y/n back. Everyone knew that there was no getting her back, but he was willing to take the risk. He came this far and it didn't take long for Bruce to pick up on what his youngest was doing.
Damian has his big sister back and he's not going to let her go again. It's only a matter of hours before Bruce comes breaking down the door to drag them back to Gotham. So Damian took the time to clean up y/n.
She was still in her funeral clothes for goodness sake. She reeked of death, but that didn't stop the boy from hugging her tightly.
While getting cleaned up, she doesn't say a thing. Or even make a lot of noise. It was almost like she was still dead.
By the time Bruce gets there, he's not surprised by Damian's actions. He thought of doing the same thing, but he couldn't bring himself to do such a thing. He couldn't disrespect her life by bringing her back. How could he dare think of that when she looked so at peace when she died.
He remembers how her body was tense before it became horrifyingly relaxed. There was a fear of death in those [eye color] eyes, he knows because he saw it. But it was so quick and fleeting that he could have missed it if he wasn't so close.
In a twisted way he wished y/n had clung on to him just like she did when she was a wide eyed little girl and cried. Cry that she didn't want to die. Cry that it was too early to leave now. Cry that she didn't want to leave them.
But all she did was give a crooked smile and mumble to herself as blood dribbled down her chin. She spoke incoherent things to herself. A name or two slipped from her cold lips, but they weren't ones of her family. From what he gathered it was just a close friend and her significant other's name. She died thinking of those who cared and loved her back. Not of the family that she couldn't stand to be around.
Even when her own adopted father held her dying from close, they were far from her line of thought.
So seeing y/n alive was gut reaching for Bruce. There was no pain, anger, sadness, or joy on her face. She was just there. Staring at him with an uncomfortable indifference.
Damian was ready to start a fight with Bruce. Not a physical one, but he would cross that line if he needed to. He was ready to defend himself in what he thought was best for y/n. Yet Bruce lets out a quiet sigh and tells that it's time to come home. How anticlimactic.
The plane ride back to Gotham is long and quiet. It also felt cramped by how close Damian was to y/n and unwilling to give her too much space.
By the time they made it back to the manor, everyone was caught up to date. The development is surprising to some while others not so much.
Everyone is in the bat cave. Gathered around to see y/n back from the dead. The silence is deafening as they wait for something. Just something from her, but she walked past them all. Out of the cave and to where her room was. Nothing was out of place in her room, though it was mostly empty after she had moved out a few years ago. She laid on her bed and slept as if nothing was amiss.
That's where the family infighting starts. Question of was this the right thing. What are going to do now? Why the hell did you think this was a good idea? There's going to be a lot of hash words being shared, but at the end of the day what was done was done and they had y/n back. They weren't going to mess up the second time.
Did they really get a second chance because it didn't feel like it. A week would pass and y/n has yet to come out of her room. She's alive and breathing because the trays of food left outside her door are always empty.
The camera's installed while she slept showed that she was doing nothing. All she did was lay in bed. She'd get up to use her private bathroom, but other than that there wasn't much. She was rotting away alone in her room.
This rang familiar bells in Alfred, Bruce, and Tim's head. y/n wasn't prone to long depressive episodes, so this could be something similar. The lack of socializing and excessive oversleeping was typically a big red sign for them to do something. In the past they would not force, but push her into doing social things or at least being out of her room.
They could approach this situation the same way, but they'd have to be extra careful. This was a unique and tricky situation to be in. It was also odd if not worrying that she hasn't succumbed to lazarus fever.
They could try to bribe y/n out of her room with activities that have to do with her old hobbies.
"Alfred is baking today, he said might need some help."
"I just stole the keys to the batmobile, you wanna take it for a ride?"
"Hey, do you want to…um, play a video game with me. I remember we used to play Hellflight Deadcraze a lot. They came out with the 3rd game. I just bought it today, so...Yeah."
Though the likelihood of that working is low. If they're really desperate to interact with her, they might as well just bust down her door.
At some point all the poking and prodding is going to irritate y/n. Whoever popped her bubble is going to be on the receiving end of pent up emotions.
I don't believe y/n would ever intentionally say how much the family's treatment harmed her. Again it would bubble up and fester for a while before she explodes. The thing about y/n is that she has an inferiority complex. In her life she aimed to please and help.
She understands that Gotham is dangerous. A lot of people need help and she couldn't bring herself to pull them away from their job. To her it would be like pulling a fireman away from a fire to chat as people burned alive. Even if the fire was out the fireman would be tired and need to rest, so she couldn't just pull them wherever she wanted to go. She shouldn't pester them.
In y/n's eyes, she was never worthy of being a hero because she wasn't good enough. She was never worthy of being with the family because she wasn't helping enough. She should do this to prove her worth. She's not worthless because she can do this for you and this as well!
She embodies inferiority and self-loathing. Someone that feels insignificant and has the strong urge to do more. She has- or had in this situation, hope. Hope that she'll be worthy of love. Love, affection, praise is what drives her and will seek it out if she's desperate. If she does ask or seek it out she'll be feeling guilty since she didn't really do anything to get it. In her mind she was being greedy and she couldn't help herself.
Bonus
"Just stop. Leave me alone." Her voice was almost pleading as she gripped the wrapped gift box. The gift was a symbol of peace, almost a treaty. That's all it was supposed to be, but she acts as if she had been spat in the eye.
Seeing that Bruce wasn't listening to her, she dug her nails into the gift. Almost tearing into the [favorite color] wrapped paper. He stood before her like an unmoving entity. The longer he stood by the more she wanted to snap into herself. She didn't want to slowly curl into a ball. She wanted to snap herself together with a violent and almost sickening crack. This just wasn't fair.
Clenching her jaw, her voice became much colder. It wasn't as cold as the middle of winter, yet it still had a chill to it.
"I thought you'd get it that I didn't want this. I shut you out, but you- all of you just keep buzzing. None of you are getting the hint. You just keep coming back louder than before. Why can't you let me be alone? Why can't you act overworked and tired? Why can't you just leave things the way they were?"
Bruce was conflicted upon hearing her say that and would try to claim that everything is going to come around. Everything always comes around in the end and this wouldn't be any different. They are going to get through this as a family.
y/n's frown would deepen and her eyes would furrow at his attempt at comfort. She looks as if she just ate something that was expired, leaving her mouth with nothing but a nasty sour taste.
"Because we're family." She whispered to herself before almost grimacing at the words. Her voice became sharp and cold as a blade, "I don't understand why you'd suggest that was still a part of the family. I don't think I've been family for a good while now."
She clicked her tongue as she dropped the gift box while looking Bruce in the eyes. "Come on, you can't say you cared about me after I stopped being useful. When did you realize that I wasn't anything special? Was it when I kept crying about punching villains or when I was too slow to teach."
Seeing the conflicted look in his blue eyes confused her. Why would the truth conflict someone unless it was pity. Even after all this she's just a pitiful little crybaby to him. One good hit and she's out wailing on the floor for someone to kiss her boo-boo away.
Somehow this hurt her. Her pounding heart felt like it was twisting on itself. She wanted to cry and laugh at how she thought things couldn't get any worse. Then somehow it did. The universe, the world, the Wayne had proved her wrong yet again. It was as funny as it was sad.
She could have broken down there, but she needed to hear it. She had to hear the truth, so she kept twisting her heart with her own hands. It didn't matter how much it hurt.
"Or maybe you were in denial? You had wasted a lot of time and resources on a dud. Then Damian threw cold water on you and left you shivering, right? I'm just leeching off of you and the others. Then…Then you choose them over me. I was an afterthought, or is that being too generous? Did I ever circulate in your mind before this?"
Her voice was becoming shrill and gruff like she was on the verge of tears. "When did you realize that I was dead weight, Batman? Did I make Bruce Wayne look more caring to the people when I talk about how much I love my family? Did my life serve any use or was I always just a speck of dirt on your shoes?"
Those words were far from the truth, yet with how she spoke Bruce knew that she believed in all that she was saying. Each and every word was true to her. Honestly he didn't know what to say. This was all too much. Having to hear your own child degrade themselves with such honesty was heartbreaking.
Taking his silence as a sort of confirmation, y/n ordered him to leave and of course he did. He'd fix this somehow. He just needed time. They needed time.
I cut off the ending because I didn't want to write too much. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it. I haven't proofread this, Google Doc says there aren't any errors (probably a lie), and it's 3 in the morning. Goodnight.
#batfamily x batsis#batfamily x reader#batsis reader#yandere batfam#God damn you anon#you beautiful bastard#I'll clean this up later when I sleep#x reader#x batsis reader
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oh, to be alone with you
Joel Miller x OC!Reader [8.9k]
SUMMARY: Never in his wildest thoughts did Joel think he'd end up having a life, after all. His mind had sort of stopped at thirty-six, then geared back into reality, twenty years later when he gained a second chance. Now... this seemed like a third. Joel saw the feelings in your eyes, and he took a chance, hoping to be choosing right for everybody this time.
— A/n 📝This was a commission made by the lovely and (very patient) Grace, and I hope they enjoy the most out of everyone ;) Reblogs and comments make all the difference.
— Warnings⚠️ mature content—explicit depictions of sex, so minors DNI. | 🏷️ age gap, slow burn, mentions of suicidal thoughts, angst, mutual pining, resolved sexual tension, insecure!Joel, protective!Reader, unprotected sex, dirty talking, soft!Dom!Joel, praising, edging, cum play, uhm. filth? lol. you're welcome.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤmasterlist | read on ao3
In the three years he knew you, Joel never heard you sound like this.
"Don't you ever say that again. Don't you ever talk that kind of bullshit in my presence, Joel."
There was bass to your voice when you threatened him. Fire in your cheeks. A glint so bright and wide washing in the shore of your eyes that it clicked for him. Joel realized what he'd been ignoring for the past three years — a time he spent dancing around the dark hunger he carved in his bones for you — he saw, for the first time as clear as water, that you meant those smiles. The sweetness. The honey stick way your hand touched his skin, sometimes, and the traces it left behind.
As you defended him from his own words, Joel saw he was not only old, but also goddamn stupid.
The first thing was set in stone. The second, on the other hand, he could try to change.
He meets her in Jacksonville, after fucking everything up with Ellie.
They had just arrived, both of them. Drenched in regret, numerous traumatizing events all muddled together, as that thick air of uncertainty surrounded their relationship. Joel thanked his brother and Maria for welcoming them back. Ellie spoke so little the first day that even Maria, someone who barely knew her, tried prying information out of her.
But it'd been quickly forgotten. One moment, Ellie and Joel were in a nameless hospital surrounded by fireflies, and a month later, they were settled into a nice house in the commune.
As if nothing had changed.
Everything had changed.
And there, in Jacksonville, there's you.
One of the only two doctors in town, the other being your very own old man.
All he remembered from the day he met you was your smile. Those beautiful cheeks painted cherry red, the wrinkles in the corner of your eyes, and how round and big they seemed to him as you said, "Hi. It's nice to meet you, Joel. 'm Grace."
You were. Joel had said something back. Ran away from there as soon as he could, but he played that smile every hour for the next three days before he caved in and came back to see you again.
Little did Joel know how much of a grace you'd become.
You were the only person who knew about Ellie.
Being the one who tattooed her on the second week after she arrived, Joel and Ellie decided together that at least one of the only two doctors should know about her condition, and so she told you.
Whatever Joel had expected from you, your reaction was as further from it as it could be. Nonchalance, and a sad grin. A placating nod as you told him, "you can wait here, I'll examine Ellie thoroughly and then we'll get started on the tattoo; I'll call you inside then, 'kay?"
All the compliments you offered towards the design — something Ellie drew herself — made you rise in her list of favorite people, speedily.
There was also openness. Ellie looked at you as you poked the needles in her skin with calculating eyes and Joel saw in them — if eyes could touch, she'd be reaching out for you. Hands spread open and fingers clutching around nothing. Ellie wanted to trust.
It was only a few more weeks before she confided in you and then walked up to her and Joel's place to confront him.
Demanding the truth.
The truth she knew he'd kept from her since she woke up in the car, probably.
"There was no cure."
Ellie stopped trusting him.
Joel died a little bit on the inside, but... she's alive.
He'd do it all over again.
You found him sitting on the edge of the lake with a guitar on his feet and his body frozen with dread, thinking about how hard Ellie had cried.
When you asked him, "Can I sit?", Joel thought it'd be another one of those times when you two sat close to one another in perfect silence. It happened a few times during movie nights or shared dinners in the commune's barn. Joel soaked up your presence, but that time, you had more. "You know... if one day you ever wanna hear my thoughts, professional thoughts on this whole 'cure' matter, I'd be happy to share them."
Joel had looked up at you, even though that hurt. So beautiful. "'m not sure I ever wanna think about it too hard."
You nodded. Scooted a little closer to him. "That's alright too. I just wanted to — put it out there. So you know I have thoughts about it. I told her that, too, but she gave me kinda the same reply."
"Did she?"
"Yeah, Joel. She did." No one did a sad grin quite like you. The way it reached through your eyes and touched him. "You two are so... similar."
"But we ain't." Joel knew they were different. He knew what Ellie would've chosen. "I think... I wished too hard we were."
The laughter was unexpected. "Joel."
"Yeah?"
"You do realize I know what you did, right?"
If a pin dropped a thousand miles away, at that moment, Joel would hear. With a deaf right ear or not, he would. I know what you did. Was that possible? How would you know and still have been this kind to him these weeks? Still have chosen to sit by his side, to make Tommy bug him about getting his check-ups, to be sitting next to him?
You nodded at his gawking eyes and jaw-slacked mouth. "Yeah. I'm quite good at putting two and two together."
"I... Grace — what I did—" he saw flashes of it. The white noise still echoed in him. "There's no way to know that and still be able to look me in the eye. It's why she hates me now. I — I was selfish. I took away her purpose just because I'm an old fucker who didn't wanna—"
"I would've done the same." It stopped him. The words clamped his mouth shut. "I don't have any children, but I love the only parent I have, and I would've done the same for him. He would do the exact same thing for me. Don't think he wouldn't. I know he looks like the sweetest old man ever, but he'd rip apart an entire hospital to get to me too. Go ask him if you don't believe me — but believe this: If I had a child, I wouldn't let them make this 'grand sacrifice', not even if I thought it'd work. Which is not the case here."
Joel had nothing to say to all of that.
He swallowed the knot tying his vocal cords together and looked ahead, trying to process the perspective from which you saw the situation.
Sitting in silence with you brought him peace, and that day, it deterred him from the plan that was coming together — the seed of maybe if you poisoned yourself slowly over the years you could finish the job this time.
Joel asked for your father's location in the commune, then walked with you when the sun set to eat dinner.
Ellie still hated him, and she probably would continue to for a long time, but Joel no longer felt like an anchor sinking to the bottom of the ocean with no end in sight for his fall.
I would've done the same. The words pulled him back. Made him see blue once more.
Validation saved his life. Your approval became a pillar.
He'd continue to seek it for the next years to come.
The Earth finished a whole new cycle around the Sun, and Joel started to build a life again in the meantime.
He worked patrols and went back to carpentry.
He befriended your father, who loved calling him to have dinner or smoke a pipe with him on his porch. Your father was a sweet-looking man who hid very crazy, funny, and dark bits inside of him.
"I see where she gets it from," Joel commented.
It pulled boisterous laughter from him. "Yeah, she's a feisty one."
Joel snorted. It came out in smokes. "Feisty? Ellie's feisty. I was on patrol last month when the raiders tried transpassing. I've seen your daughter use a scalpel in ways I still have fuckin' nightmares about."
More laughter was followed by, "I taught her well."
"You sure fuckin' did." Joel laughed too. Not because it was funny, but because the memory kind of terrified him. Thrilled him. He shook his head and gave the pipe back. "Was she always like that?"
"Was Ellie always like this?"
Joel chuckled. "Fair enough." Even though Ellie was now a teenager, and Joel had only known her for two years, he answered. "I think she has, yeah. A lil' badass. A lil' feisty and weird. And funny."
"God — she is funny."
"I didn't think so at first."
"She needed to work on her delivery," your father laughed like there was no tomorrow. No apocalypse. "I like seeing her and Grace together. I think she's waking up that motherly desire in her, ya know? I always wanted to see her be a mom before I give my big adios."
"If she hears ya she's gonna smack you again."
"Eh! She's always hitting folks. Her violent little heart can't stop anyone from reaching the pearly gates."
"Morice, I've heard enough stories to know you ain't seeing any pearls."
There had been silence, and then unstoppable, loud laughter from both of them.
It was the memory Joel thought about the most after he passed away.
When you came to his house with a whiskey bottle in hand and the angriest look Joel had ever seen on your stunning features, he knew without a word being said.
He sat with you in silence as you had done for him so many other times. You cried, chopped wood until your clothes were soaked in sweat, and drank with Joel until the bottle was empty.
It had been the first time you asked for something more.
When you caved into the tears late at night, Joel saw you pacing from left to right and had no clue what to do, what to offer, but you spared him of choosing. "Can I — can you hug me?"
He complied in the same second.
The request was quieter than the wind, but he could pick out your voice from a crowd.
Joel wrapped his arms around you and held you tight.
That opened up new doors — pearly gates. A year of small touches on the forearm and close proximity at every given opportunity made Joel aware of how much he craved your presence. Those little flames were nothing compared to this—a hug, and Joel's mind and body were a forest on fire.
You clung to him, rubbed your face on his chest, and refused to let go. You accepted every caress in your hair, and almost fell asleep on his shoulder.
After the hug, any excuse was a good one.
You touched him every time you saw him — even if just a little nudge on the shoulder or a finger brushing the back of his hand.
Joel started leaving tobacco and herbs on top of Morice's resting place, and continued their conversations even if he never heard the replies.
"I'll take care of 'er. Be by her side, y'know? I know she doesn't need it, but... You and her were the reason I found some happiness in here, so... It's only fair."
Somewhere along the way, you'd convinced Joel to play on Tommy's barbecues which happened every month for some of his friends.
Music connected weird parts of him together.
The strings of his guitar were one of the only guarantees he had of making Ellie smile, for starters. When she asked for the lessons a while after stopping all communication with Joel, he had simply nodded a meek, "Yeah," too stunned to add anything else; too grateful to even dare think about it.
Your request came the very first time Joel attended one of the famous Millers Sunday, and it was the reason why Joel went from feeling like a stranger in a strange town to himself again.
Tommy clapped him on the back. You, and your smile from across the yard with the fireplace burning in between, and Joel felt almost like a person.
So he sang. Played the strings even if his joints ached around the edges, played until they no longer did and his body grew used to the motions again, played every month to come just to see the smile creep on your face and you mouthing along the lines of the songs you knew.
One day, he asked why didn't you join Ellie's lessons.
"She's gettin' real good at it." He was proud of it. Joel almost preened talking of it, matter-of-factly, missing the way your eyes softened. "You like music. You like it and miss it, which not many people do. I don't even know why I ain't never thought of it — 'm sorry about that, darlin'. Were you ever interested? In learning?"
With his eyes back on you, Joel swallowed a little thickly at how gentle your smile looked. "Joel — have you ever seen me on The Porch's dance floor? Do I look like I have any rhythm?"
"Sure you do."
Your laughter. "No, I don't!" You slapped his arm, hiding your laughter in your arms afterward, and Joel was used to it. Being hit, being poked, being used as a pillow. "Stop lying to me."
"I ain't lyin'." He was. It made him smile to see you laugh that hard.
"You're full of shit, that's what you are."
"Is that your medical diagnosis?"
The giggles that were subduing came back, and Joel knew the second glass of wine had caught up to your head. "You've been spending too much time with Miss Williams."
That made him laugh. Joel did so with his head thrown back because not even three days ago he had a screaming 16-year-old screaming at him about 'manipulation of the goddamn perspective' and if that wasn't your lingo through and through. "That's rich! Oh, that's rich as fuck comin' from you."
"How so?!"
"I reckon Ellie Missy Williams's been doin' just fine with your tutoring. Don't think I've missed you and her gigglin' in the room every now and then."
You roll your eyes, smiling so wide that your tinted cheeks look carved into stone. "Fine. I'm a terrible influence. Her attitude got nothing to do with her grumpy ass 'father-figure' who taught her how to be a goddamn menace to society."
"I can hear the air quotes even when you don't them with your finger, darlin'," Joel accused, trying to suppress his smile and school his face into a threatening, menacing look.
He's hit with the memory of when you first mocked him for it.
"Don't call me her father. I ain't her father."
"Good fucking gods, you two are so difficult! Fine. As her "father figure", you need to say something. Is that better, Joel? Did the semantics change help you?"
Now, you have the same side smirk.
"You didn't say I was wrong." Your voice dropped to a whisper.
It pulled his body closer. Like gravity was in your sound waves. "I didn't."
You rested your chin on your hand. "So... we're both a bad influence."
"Seems that way," he found himself whispering too. Joel kept his eyes on your cheeks. On your lashes and your eyes, even if they pierced through him.
"Considering she's in perfect health, handles herself just fine, and is trying her best to keep the good people of this town safe... I think that's not a bad job. The whole picture, y'know?"
Joel nods and his lips tug in a smile — not because of your sweet spoken words, but because it's funny to see it. Your mind switching to seriousness so fast.
"I do love music, though," you pout, looking up at him. He recalls how the bickering started this time around, and chuckles at your late confession. "I like watching you guys better than any idea of me playing. Or singing." With a full-body shudder, you add. "That is not where my talents lie."
"Could be," he insisted, just for the sake of that—
—your smile. "Not even you have that patience, Miller."
Miller. He had to look away every time you spoke it that way. "You're right. The brat burned away the last savings I had of that."
He heard you chuckling, and then he felt it. The nuzzling of your nose on his shoulder. "Nah. You were trying to sweet talk her just last week."
"She needs a new horse," he argued with thin air over the memory you bring up. He also scoots closer to the couch so you can rest your head on him when you're done with your cat-like behavior and end up with your whole face pressed on his shoulders, your breath tingling his neck. "And you could help me with convincing her, couldn't ya?"
"I'm not gonna meddle in your Miller-Williams business," you scoffed as if the mere thought was ridiculous.
As if these two years and a half hadn't been about you and him and her and everything orbiting around that.
Joel scoffed back. "Darlin', if you think you ain't mingled in our business, I'm gonna have to be the bearer of bad news here..."
"More tangled."
"It's just a horse, Grace."
"She lost her first pet, a horse, in a traumatic even, Joel."
Fuck him, he loved doing this with you. He sipped the last remnants of alcohol from his glass hoping it'd dull the smell of your hair invading his senses. Or maybe he liked when it amplified it. Who knew. Who gave a fuck. "Fine."
"Fine."
"She can keep usin' the stables' horses every time we gotta go out." Joel was never above playing dirty. Certainly not with you. "The ones Rick tames. The ones that sense how volatile, strong, angry she can be..."
The way you tensed was twice more obvious with your whole body pressed on his side. "God, I fucking hate you sometimes."
Joel laughed at the empty curse. "'m just sayin'."
"You know exactly what you're doing."
"Do I?"
"You do and it's annoying and fine." You sighed deeply. "I'll get into yet another awkward, intense conversation with the volatile teenager about the importance of facing traumas. It'll go great."
"Better you who knows what the fuck you're talkin' about than me."
"She just stopped giving me the cold shoulder." It's a whine. You're whining at Joel about his daughter who still lives in a constant fluctuation between loveshatesloveshates with him was giving you the cold shoulder.
"It takes her two weeks to get over her lil' fights with you."
"Hmm." It was nice when you gave in. There were few times Joel could get through your stubbornness — something you and Ellie had engraved in your souls — and it felt like a win every time. "I'll talk to her."
Joel's hand moved on its own accord. From his lap to your hair, resting slowly on your head.
He squeezed a few times, and felt you nudging towards the touch. Leaning into it.
"Thanks, darlin'."
There was a heartbeat before you answered.
"'Course, Joel."
While the looks were easy to ignore, the whispers were not.
Words carried by the wind clung to his skin like the very smell of sweat after some years of running non-stop.
They spoke about him.
About Ellie.
You.
All three, mushed together, sometimes all in one go, sometimes two by two, but always you three.
Joel knew what they thought of him and you — of your time spent together.
They thought of him as inappropriate. You had always been the 'dark sheep' of the commune. The reason why people sometimes still remembered how grim and ugly it was out there. They spoke of you as ruthless, frowned upon your methods, but Joel smell their bullshit and saw beyond their condescension.
It was easy to speak with their bellies full.
With their houses safe. God, it boiled his blood to even think about it — these people sometimes slept with their doors opened because the security around the wooden gates was so great and efficient, but failed to remember or willingly forgot that all triage was created by your now deceased father and you.
It was your 'ruthless methods' that kept the creeps away.
Who screened people who seemed otherwise harmless but sought to do sordid, unspeakable things inside safe havens they'd have no problem burning to the ground.
Sure, he'd cleaned his way through a hospital to stop the murder of one single child, but at least Joel had a head on his shoulders.
Some people out there lacked even that.
As much as he wished for judgment to come only from the strangers he grew to know as neighbors and comrades — something you, personally, loved teasing him and Tommy of being — but of close people.
Maria, he could handle it. It was when Tommy spoke up that it stung.
"Don't you think it's... weird? Hangin' out with her so much? I mean—I heard from Dieter that he wanted to ask her out, but somehow when he goes to ask she's always talkin' to you." Tommy looked like he meant well with it. Those eyes never lied to him, and Joel saw the concern there. "I just don't want you to feel left out or abandoned in case she does start seein' someone, that's all."
That's all.
As if he hadn't opened a dent in Joel's mind.
A 'in case she does start seein' someone' sized dent.
It was the only time Joel gave a damn about words being spoken of him—or to him, he should say, considering it was meant as advice.
It was the first and last time.
In three years Joel never thought of you or anything he felt as inappropriate. Maybe he even should.
There were certainly dreams.
Desire was there, too. Alive and burning. Tall and solid, with the fires high enough for it to be a volcano.
But he swallowed it down.
He knew you were not for him.
He knew you were too bright. Knew he had nothing to offer but his company, some music every now and then, and everything inside of him, if you asked.
Still—he never did anything.
Even in the times when it felt like the bickering and teasing might be called flirting. In the times when you bit your lip after staring at him a heartbeat or two too long, or when you made his chest, shoulders, his neck your personal comforter, making yourself at home.
He bit his tongue during those times.
Told himself there was such a thing as projecting, and that just because you knew him, knew all of him, it didn't mean your kindness and acceptance equaled all that he felt for you.
All of the fuckin' ocean of things he so painfully, obviously felt for you.
Listening to Tommy worked until it didn't.
Until you showed up at his doorstep late at night, pissed off and fuming.
"Where the fuck were you?" Without even waiting for a reply, you stepped inside the house, pushing past him. "And speaking of being places, where have you been? 'Cause blowing me off only works the first four or five times. I know where you live, and in case it wasn't crystal clear to you, I know when you're lying to me."
So you pretended to believe his shitty lies. Joel closed the door with a sigh and wondered if Ellie was already listening from upstairs.
He imagined telling you to lower your voice was a certain ticket to meeting your father earlier than his due time.
"I'm sorry."
"That doesn't answer where you've been." Your arms crossed over your chest. "Y'know, it's called Miller Sunday and ever since you moved here, that means two for one. Tell me why I endured Maria's friends the whole fucking night, hm?"
"Uh — 'cause they like you?"
"Joel."
"I know, I know." He chuckled under his breath, raising both hands up in surrender. "My bad." He nodded towards the kitchen trying to work out how to knit an excuse on the spot, and then remembered—I know when you're lying to me. "I've been... stuck in my head."
There was a pause. "Oh. Ew." That made him laugh again. "Well, alright. That happens sometimes. Care to share why you're acting as if isolation's gonna help with that?"
"Damn, I don't know, woman. 'Cause I'm old and stupid? 'Cause I listen to Tommy every now and then even though that's a shitty idea sometimes?"
"Don't call yourself stupid in my presence, it's fucking offensive." The damn heat behind your words almost made him work up a sweat. "What does Tommy have to do with this?"
"Nothin'." Joel hid his face while opening the fridge, but he knew your silence well. He picked up the water jug, and placed it on the counter behind him.
"Miller, look at me."
Goddamn it.
He turned around slowly.
You were looking right through him. Searching all over his face for something you found within two seconds.
Then, you stepped closer until you were only a few inches away, looking up at him with enough certainty in your gaze to make him feel smaller despite the inches he had on you.
"I know damn well who I wanna spend my fucking time with." It was like a caress to the face. Joel felt it like your fingertips, which had traced the lines in his eyes and face until he fell asleep a few times by now. "Never insult me again by thinking you, or Tommy, or anyone for that matter can know that better than me."
An adult. Who knows who she is. Who's walked her path.
It went unsaid.
Joel nodded along since there was nothing to do but agree.
"If you don't wanna spend time with me for you own reasons, then... so be it. Tell me about them, or don't, but—never do this again. Your brother's known me for a little longer than you, but he doesn't know me as well as you do. I expected this from Tommy."
But not from him.
"It ain't gonna happen again." Joel said it and you both could hear how he meant it.
Slowly, a smile crept on your face. "Good."
"You're smiling?" he asked, dumbfounded.
The smile widened. "I'm... a little happy right now."
"Because... I ain't gonna be a stu—sorry, a silly little old man any more?"
There was a giggle you tried suppressing and failed at. "No."
"'Cause you're gonna use this against me for the next fortnight to get me to do whatever you want even though I'm nearly a sixty-year-old man?"
A roll of your eyes put a smile on his face as well. "You're more in shape at sixty than a lot of our twenty-year-olds here and that act doesn't work with me, darling. No—I'm happy 'cause I'm surprised. It works on you too."
"What works on me?"
"My mean glance." The answer took him by surprise, and yet, all you seemed was even more gleeful at his wide-eyed expression. "Didn't know I could scare Joel Miller."
"You're gigglin' 'cause you just found out I'm scared of ya?"
"Exactly."
"Darlin' I thought you saw me as a smart one. Who in their right mind ain't scared of you?"
"Damn right." You slapped his shoulder, and it seemed to ease some of the tension he carried these days he tried creating distance between you both. "Now — since we established the rights and wrongs. You wanna hear all the gossip about today?"
Joel had picked up the jug of water, but he could switch to the cans of beer.
"Lay it on me."
The thing is — never in his wildest thoughts did Joel think he'd end up having a life, after all.
Who was he to be one of the few lucky bastards who got one at the end of everything? What had he done to ever dare dream he deserved it?
Peace, a good life, building things again... that was reserved for the good ones.
Joel was not one of the good ones.
His mind had sort of stopped at thirty-six, then geared back into reality, twenty years later when he gained a second chance.
All the things he did in between those instances counted for a whole lot.
It's why he ignored it until he couldn't anymore.
That was why Joel saw only his own feelings screaming and reaching so loud, grasping like grabby fingers towards you, and blinded himself to the way all those gazes you sent back were you giving him a white flag.
Joel saw what he had the heart and mind to handle at the moment, he liked to think.
Now... this seemed like a third.
This seemed like a confession.
And it all had happened so fast.
One minute, Joel was saying goodnight to Ellie. She was leaving to go to her friend Dina's house, and you were there with your glass of wine in hand while your other browsed through the new books he picked up at the library lying on his shelves.
He had been talking about Martha — to him, it was a funny story he wanted to get out of his system since it happened, and the one and only person he wanted to tell it to was you.
He was even laughing as he started it, but his rhythm faltered when he first caught the look on your face. It made him lose his train of thought. It fucking blindsided him.
Was it jealousy?
He stuttered. It was ridiculous to him — talking about the nice woman who worked at the restaurant who flustered herself trying to talk to Joel. Flirt with him.
He'd never seen that look on your face.
Could it be—no. It had to be something else. "...told her that she isn't actually, uhm... biological. What's wrong? Did I say something wrong? Was I shit-talking myself again and didn't notice?"
If there was a thing that put a frown on your face, it was when he did that.
"No." Joel became alert out of nowhere because this tone was absent from his mental register of all your different voice tones.
"Oh. I thought I did." He laughed, albeit awkwardly. "I just—I thought it was funny, that's all. Didn't even think it was possible for someone to blush still 'cause of old me. It was funny, couldn't believe why she was so flustered.
"Why not? That wasn't the reason for my face but now it fucking is." How could Joel ever demand that Ellie cursed less when this was his household? He pinned that one for later. "You're a handsome guy. Intimidating. Don't laugh at her because you give off those... vibes."
Handsome? Intimidating? Joel's mind started reeling, and so he laughed. "Vibes? What fuckin' vibes? I'm old, Grace. What does she got to be intimidated about other than the side of me she doesn't even fuckin' know?"
"I don't know!" your voice rose to match his own, and that's when Joel noticed how his pitch rose as he argued with you. Bickering or fighting, you two could end up at each other's throats within a second, and then be hugging in the next. "Maybe because she sees you from an outsider's lens? Maybe she sees what you can't since you're so busy always thinking about everything you do wrong and lose the ability to look past that?"
"All I do is get shit wrong! You better than anyone knows that." God, was he happy Ellie had left. Joel sighed, rubbed his palms all over his face and tried breathing deep to steady his voice. "I've got nothin' to offer anyone and I don't even know how we got here from a funny lil' story I was—"
That's when it happens.
You interrupt him.
Deadly, direct, and loud, you cut over his words.
"Don't you ever say that again. Don't you ever talk that kind of bullshit in my presence, Joel."
"Why not?! It's the truth."
"No, it fucking isn't! It's the cruel part of you that judges you based only on the wrongdoing and paints it as your whole personality and I'm not gonna fucking have it! It's not the truth. It's not! Not to me." When you stopped, the whole house seemed to follow suit and quiet down with you. Then—"You don't accept me seeing only the worst in me. Why would I let you do the same? I won't."
There was bass to your voice when you threatened him.
Fire in your cheeks. A glint so bright and wide washing in the shore of your eyes that it clicked for him.
Joel realized what he'd been ignoring for the past three years — a time he spent dancing around the dark hunger he carved in his bones for you — he saw, for the first time as clear as water, that you meant those smiles. The sweetness. The honey stick way your hand touched his skin, sometimes, and the traces it left behind.
It silenced him immediately.
As you defended him from his own words, Joel saw he was not only old, but also goddamn stupid.
The silence must have stretched for too long because as it becomes a physical blanket draping over both of your shoulders, your posture changes.
Becomes erratic.
Looking from side to side, you sigh. "Y'know what? I should go. We're both hot-headed idiots and I don't wanna—"
"Sit down."
For the first time ever, you obeyed him.
It took you a second—you froze at the command but stopped your movements to remove your jacket from the chair's back and sat back down in slow movements, your eyes lingering on his all the time.
Was it real?
"Gimme a second here." Joel needed more than that. Goddamn it—Joel would need the rest of his life to accommodate to this feeling. Thing bubble of pure, raw energy swirling inside of him and growing each second, all because— "You were."
You were jealous. Of him.
Your eyes never looked so vulnerable. So earnest, and terrified. "Of course I was." It comes out like you silly old man.
Joel tries to work his vocal cords. They might've been knitted together. "Why?"
Instead of raging over him again, this time, your gaze sees the real question he's asking.
Joel never believed in an air you could touch until he stood in this very room.
He can taste the back of his tongue. He sees your frown softening, disappearing.
"Because you care, Joel." The simpler answer. He waits, because he sees in your steady, careful breathing that there's more you want to say. This tone he recognizes. This is 'I'm collecting myself bit by bit' Grace, and he waits, as always. "Because... you either lost your eyesight or just blinded yourself to... you." It's nighttime and the only light in the kitchen comes from his yellowish bulb, but it's enough to see the tint on your cheeks. "Because you're—this package. Of everything real. Everything resilient, and clever, and... Miller. Fuckin' — southern charm. Stupid fuckin' smile."
It amps. It darkens. Your cheeks, your eyes. And once you seem, it seems a crack is opened in your dam, and the inevitable water comes to fall.
"I dreamt about it before." Joel is stuck in place, listening to you. "Your smile. The way you laugh, too. And — you do this thing, where you're a complete delight to people you care about. That's what Ellie means when she says you make it so hard to stay away from you, just so you know."
"You two talk about me?" it comes out choked.
You nod. "'Course we fuckin' do."
"Goddamn it."
"Yeah." Your laughter sounds as breathless as he feels. "Because of that. And more."
He nods back, thinking — okay.
Okay.
Joel might take a lifetime to feel worthy of your feelings, but if he has them — "I didn't think I stood any chance."
The confession lays on the table for a moment and when you pick it up, Joel can see it — your eyes widen, surprise evident on your face.
"You really didn't know," you whisper.
He blinks away the sudden sting and glint in his eyes, laughing at himself. "I really didn't know." He registers you knew about your own feelings, but you have no idea of his. It registers that you both have been suffering in silence, overshadowed by the brightness of your own feelings to see beyond them. "I don't think I could've handled it if I knew it before," he confesses.
"Wow." You sigh deeply, sucking all the air you can into your lungs. "I can't believe I owe that little shit fifty bucks. I don't even have money."
"You bet on this?"
The look you throw him is enough of an answer.
Then, another question pops up — and yeah. That's why the air is palpable. It's like walking through a spider's nest.
The threads might be thinner than hair, but the feeling sticks out. It sticks with you. If Joel's had a chance all this time, if all your feelings were kept safely tucked i
He only has one question to make. "Is it too late?"
Your eyes snap back to him. "Too late for what?"
"To make a move." Joel might've been an idiot, but he's keen on fixing it. "Because — in case it wasn't clear, my thoughts are all yours." From the look on your face, it was not something you knew. The glint in your eyes tells him it might be something you hoped for or dreamed about, but it's his words that set it into stone. "My time's yours. I ain't as good as you with words, but... all I ever wanna be is alone with you. You said it yourself last month. 'm the happiest when I'm with you and El. Now... you know why."
For someone who knew him so little, you always seemed to know what kept Joel tethered to the moment.
As you listened to his words, your eyes shined, reflecting the light. Joel wanted to say more things, but he decided to keep them for later. A moment when there was less of his soul seeming to pour out through his pores.
You get up from your chair, and in two steps, you're standing in front of him.
Turning sideways, you sit on his lap.
Joel feels his hands shake as they come to rest on your hips, and yours come up to his face.
There's nothing left for you to say, or ask. Joel closes his eyes in surrender. Opening his mouth was a leap — perhaps the height was what created that bubble; that huge thing inside of him that only expanded the closer you got.
Joel never felt this before.
He knew those were your lips pressing against his. Knew it was your hair tickling his face and your fingers threading through his thick hair, but he felt submerged.
Not drowning — just deep, way deep in water.
You pulled back after a second. The kiss was so soft, and yet, Joel felt you like an ocean wave.
He opened his eyes to the sight of you licking your lips, and that snapped him; something in your tongue reached deep within him, going further than he thought possible, and ignited another something in him.
Desire.
Not the need for release, or momentary rushes, but—
the real deal.
One of Joel's hands came up abruptly, taking hold of your neck, and he breathed in a slow breath before closing the gap between your lips again.
This time, he invited himself in.
Joel licked your lips open. He pulled you closer until you were pressed against his chest, and kissed you for all the years he lacked the will to kiss someone.
It was a feast.
The more he gave, the more you took. The sounds that started to come out of you only made Joel hungrier, and the more he heard it, the more he craved it.
He could already see the cycle of addiction forming in his brain.
Your tongue swirled with his slowly, in a lazy, filthy kiss. With his hands making a mess of your hair or grabbing you by the neck and chin, he guided your face to where he wanted.
When a particular breathy whine was pulled out of you, Joel's fingers tightened around you. The kiss became desperate, needy, a pouring of bottled emotions.
A joined deep dive, where no oxygen was needed.
Fuck—Joel needed to breathe. He pulled back because his lungs screamed that at him, and he laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of that. His heart was beating as fast as it could, and his ears were ringing, he thought, and you were resting your forehead on his with your puffs of breath tickling his face.
He could feel you smiling with how close you stayed to his lips.
Joel really was alive, no matter how hard he fought it.
And now, somehow, he was here.
"What?" you whispered. Breathless.
That, he wanted to answer. Joel panted, and noticed you were breathing heavily too.
"'m never been in such a hurry my whole damn life." Joel pulled you back by the nape for one more kiss just to show you he meant it, and you moaned on his lips.
It occurred to him that might die by your hands, metaphorical or not.
You were in him.
"You." His time was yours, and so were his thoughts, and now, Joel thought he was, too. In a way. "Sittin' here on my lap, like it's nothin'."
"It's everything."
"Goddamn it, woman—"are you trying to kill me, he wants to say.
It gets buried in your lips.
Joel wants to devour you right there on the table. It's a place for eating, and he'd butter you up only to eat you piece by piece until half of his face was drenched.
At the same time, Joel's hands were shaking.
He kissed you so deep, and yet so slow because he wants this forever.
He couldn't keep everything inside him. Joel knew all he could do for now was kiss you because anything more might pull him apart by the seams.
When you start kissing his neck, his eyes snap open, and he forces himself to capture your attention. "Darlin'." It comes out raspy and low, pulling another precious sound from you. Joel exhales shakily. "Grace, hey."
That gets you. Your face comes back in his field of vision, and he's distracted by the reality facing him.
Red cheeks and lips, which are also puffy. Swollen.
He did that.
The glazy glint in your eyes and the wildness of your hair.
He did that, too.
"What?" you ask. Breathless voice — all him.
It hits him right there—the new stream making connections in the depths of his mind. Mine. A river of mineminemine.
"I hate to break this short, but — El's comin' back soon, I think."
"Oh!" You nod to yourself. "Right. And — you wanna wait? To tell her, and stuff?"
Joel laughs. He leans his head to kiss those pretty, puffy lips. He murmurs the answer right against them. "Nah. 'm gossiping to her as soon as she's through that door and 'm gettin' my money share of that bet you mentioned." Your gasp makes the smile stay on his face. "Yeahhh. But — I'm takin' you on a date tomorrow. Old school style. I'll plan it and everythin'. I know you well enough to not mess this up, I think."
He's messed up enough in his life. Maybe the universe could grant him after trying so damn hard to repair all the things he'd broken; a chance.
"I'll be ready, Miller."
He kisses you again. "Good. I'll pick you up at sundow."
"Is this you kicking me out of your house?"
He rolls his eyes at the sarcastic question and kisses the cocky grin off your face because he now can. He kisses it away real good, until his own toes are squirming in his boots and Joel can categorize the strength you like to have your hair being pulled by, how much you enjoy the nibbles he's unable to keep from stealing of your lips, and he's mapped the outlines of your upper body.
When he needs the stupid oxygen again, Joel pulls back but stays close.
"You're gonna help me make dinner?" he asks, low and sweet.
You hum. "Yeah."
"Thank you." Thank you, he kisses the thought on your lips. Thank you so much. "'m gonna be doin' this a lot now that I know I can."
"Oh, you're gonna kill me."
Joel's smirk comes back. "Y'know what? I was thinkin' the same thing."
Dinner is made with music playing on the radio for the first time in a while. Joel almost pinches himself when Ellie gets home with a, "Woah, what the fuck?! It smells amazing in here."
It hurts, how good it feels.
Joel never thought that feeling would come back.
According to Ellie Williams, Joel becomes "unbearable, really," and he would take offense to it had she not followed it with, "but... it's nice to see this side of you. And — I like her. I love Grace, actually. You know that. She's given me a lot to think about. Plus—she makes you reeeeal talkative, and we had a nice talk last night. Good on you."
Good on you.
Joel smiles for the rest of the day.
Tommy takes a total of one day and one scolding from you — which Joel fucking misses because of a shift of all things, and honestly, he'll never stop asking for your story of that day — and there's that.
Millers Sunday has a couple of tense first tries, but after a couple of months, people get used to the shift.
It's not that different from before.
You two were already seen side by side more often than not. Now, the difference was that Joel's arm could be found around your chair sometimes, or your hand rested on his neck, or you two shared a little wink.
A little flirtatious remark.
Ellie 'hated' it. "It's gross. You two are gross."
She said it laughing, though. Joel smiled every time he heard it.
They grew used to it, and Joel thanked the power of the peace you brought him, because anything they disliked about it became white noise to him.
All his insecurities were abandoned on the first date night he has with you.
Joel gets the house all for himself.
He plans the hours carefully because he meant what he said. He picks you up at sunset and takes you for a walk on the lake to enjoy the night sight and weather while it lasts. After, he takes you home to eat dinner, then pulls out one of your favorite board games to entertain the night and give both the time to work through the wine.
He liked to see your glee winning.
Joel was shitty at most of these, but it was worth the frustration of being a sore loser in your hands.
You soothed his bickering protests by crawling to him.
Not sliding, or scooting over — you crawled like a cat, and stole all his focus in one movement.
Joel did to you what he meant to do on that table.
First, right there on the floor.
Even though he wished you two went to the bedroom, it was impossible to untangle from under you when you kissed him until you two were panting for each other again. All that energy sizzling in your veins, pumping with dreams and wine, and Joel just thought fuck it.
There was a fluffy carpet and the duvet he'd spread so you two could sit with the game and play comfortably, and that's all he needed.
He had you on your back with your legs wrapped around his neck, lying with his stomach on the floor. Kneading the pad of his thumbs on the inside of your legs. Kissing all the parts of you he imagined. Joel stripped you from your clothes, and kept his eyes fixed on you as he searched for the right ways to unwind you.
He opened you up with his tongue, slowly, and deliberately.
Nothing was enough when it came to you.
Joel accepted right there — legs locked on his shoulders and your feet digging heels in his back —, right then — his tongue thrusting in and out of you until his jaw ached —, that he was fine knowing it'd be an endless search.
Seeking his fill of you.
He eats up the way your lips loosen when his hands are on you. "Joel, why d'you have clothes on? Take 'em off, take it off." He appreciated how you lost your eloquence. How eager you were for him.
"It's ok, 'm here, darlin."
"I know, want it closer." He loved how you took it. What you wanted from him, you just took it, and he prayed it would always be that way. "Want you in me," you whisper on his lips.
That's when he finds the strength to get up. He picks you up and resists the urge to throw you over his shoulder, taking you to the bedroom with all of his clothes still on and yours abandoned in various places of the living room.
Time sort of... folds, with you and a bedroom.
Joel finds that out on night one, and it keeps on being true.
The way all your walls are down there drives him towards insanity, and later, you peppering kisses all over the skin closest to you, the skin your mouth can find, it brings him back.
Joel gets undressed slowly. "Get on the bed." He falters a little when you obey him again, and it clicks for him. Joel exhales, throwing his shirt off somewhere. "Touch yourself while I do this."
Your eyes widen for a second, but again...
You smile first. Then, slowly, your knees pull apart and your hand reaches between your legs, where your pussy opens up in a glistening sight, and Joel has only the mind to finish his task.
It's hard not to worship something that makes his mouth water.
He does that until you're shaking, legs trembling on his shoulders and begging for him to come up—"get here, please."
It's the 'please' that gets him.
Joel goes in seek of more of them. Always more of them.
He discovers you like it when he alternates between extremes. Really slow, or a hard, or a fast, or a deep pace. Joel spends as long as he can take testing all the ways you wrapped around him can feel like and all the angles that make your jaw fall slack open.
Something about fucking you face to face, though — Joel gets to see the scrunch of your nose and your eyes rolling back when he praises you for doing so, so well. "Taking me so well. Look at that — look at it, baby, c'mon." The loud and unabashed moan you let out makes him roll his eyes, thrusting deep into you. "Keep on looking."
"Joel."
"Hmhm. What — is it — hm, baby?"
"'m gonna cum again," you whine, getting louder, and he gets more desperate. "Oh, god," you cry out.
"'s fine. That's what — I want. Give it to me"
"It's so good. Please—harder, Joel. Like you want to fuck me."
You enjoy doing it to him, Joel thinks. Breaking him so you can put it back together, or maybe it's just how you make him whine that gets to your head.
It gets louder — everything gets louder. The sounds, the bubble of feelings reading to burst and be reborn again, only bigger, how fucking wet you get for me.
"C'mon, darlin'. Wanna feel you soakin' me with your cum."
Joel sees why you enjoy it, too.
He smiles, and ascends at seeing the sweet feelings of release washing you from head to toe, and the transcendent look in your eyes when you open them and pull him down for a kiss. You came so hard he lost himself in your orgasm, mixing with his own and he cums a little more at the realization, burying himself deeper in the mess you two have made.
Your whining and panting in can only be felt, so he switches your face to his left side. "Deaf, baby."
You giggle at him. "I didn't say anything."
"I know. Just wanna hear your lil' noises." Joel kisses your neck, and pulls out slowly despite your whiny protests. His fingers come down to between your legs and he should feel self-conscious about the filthy mess he makes there, but when he looks up at your face you're watching him with a look he knows.
I'm starving for you.
Joel seals his lips on yours.
He's never leaving this place. This home he's built where he gets you, and a second chance, and the monthly Sundays with music and you by his side whispering indecent jokes in his ears, and the protective circle you create around him and Ellie ate any minor possibility of outsiders.
Joel's not missing this chance for anything.
🏷 @sakuralikestars — @mostardentily — @thegreat-annamaria — @leiticia — @polyglot-noodle — @casssiopeia — @levylovegood — @simply-sams-things — @lavenderhhze — @gracie7209 — @waywardwolfbonklight — @shadytalething — @yesimwriting — @celestialstar111 — @averysblog — @pedrostories — @fleursirvart — @sirtommyholland — @capbrie — @hawsx3 — @superflymaterial — @ashleyforeverareject — @girlofchaos — @queerponcho — @am-3-thyst — @nyotamalfoy — @my-tearsricochet — @ponyboys-sunsets — @peqchsoup hope you all enjoy it!
#usernexusnyx#writing commissions#joel miller imagine#joel miller fanfic#joel miller smut#joel miller x you#joel miller x reader#joel miller tlou#joel miller angst#joel miller series#joel miller x oc#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x original character#pedro pascal x y/n#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal x ofc#pedro pascal fic#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal fluff
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tongue-tied (sunflowers)
lando norris x reader
dets: reader is a pro golfer, a massive f1 fan and best friends with lily muni he. will she enter her wag era?
authors note: I litch dont know a thing about golf and I know you can tell lol xx ENJOY
faceclaim: madeline argy
yourusername
liked by lilymhe and others
yourusername just wanted to assure everyone im still alive ! just working away and falling more in love with lilymhe, better watch out alexalbon xxx
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lilymhe my love !! training is always so fun with you
alexalbon heyy you're meant to say stop falling in love with me! ive a boyfriend 😑
lilymhe eh why bother :))
ynfan1 can't wait to see you in action on the green!!
ynfan2 🔥🔥🔥
lilymhe
liked by alex_albon and others
lilymhe the mixed weather has not stopped us getting some practice in! (its impossible to keep her attention when there's a gp on 🙄)
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yourusername but it's the azerbaijan grand prix! I never miss a grand prix!
lilymhe first alex now you 🙄 🙄
f1fan1 can alobono fight? CAN HE FIGHT??
alex_albon you mean i'm not the only f1 lover in your life???
yourusername oi I was the first mister ! been a mclaren fan since birth 😤
lilymhe tbf she isn't lying...
ynfan1 it is sooo common knowledge that yourusername is a ride or die mclaren fan lol
yourusername yeah get with it albon
yourusername
liked by lilymhe and others
yourusername home and showered in time for the miami grand prix this is a full time job !
kind followers this pact of doritos is a secret between us, got it? so if my personal trainer asks you saw NOTHING, got it?
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ynfan1 yn and lily being f1 fans is so cute !
lilymhe oooh but doritos are your sad snack ? whats happening
yourusername the fav ended in p17 😭 congrats to albonononono tho, i guess
alex_albon wow could that have been anymore heartfelt !
lilymhe sush shes a mclaren girlie, don't kick her while she's down!!
f1fan1 soooo me coded. its a hard time for us mclaren girlies rn.
yourusername
liked by ynfan1 and others
yourusername greens beautiful as always! unfortunately inviting alex_albon along with us backfired entirely cause albon didn't bring an papaya wearing f1 friend, so I just thirdwheeled for the day .
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alex_albon oh sorry I think oscar was busy today :(
yourusername thats not who I meant and you know it ! 😑
lilymhe at least you look cute tho!
ynfan1 im litch not a golf fan but I'm obsessed with you lol
ynfan2 I feel so seen, I recognise a lando norris fan when I see one !
landonorris
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landonorris freshhhh
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f1fan1 lando finally past his puberty danny ric is proud
f1fan2 he so fine
landofan1 😳❤️
yourusername
liked by alex_albon and others
yourusername it's the monaco grand prix and not only am I not missing it, I'm here! thank qqqq mclaren <33
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ynfan1 ahhhh OMG I hope you meet lando finally
lilymhe babe come williams garage xx
yourusername on my way bestie! gotta tell you about the most awkward encounter EVER
lilymhe 🫢🫢
mclaren so glad to have you with us today!
landonorris just followed you!
yourusername
liked by lilymhe and others
yourusername attended my first grand prix after being a fan of the sport my whole life! was so chronically awkward I'll never show my face in public again, I've turned to the drink and am hiding away xxx
unrelated: is there a support group for people who embarrassed themselves in front of their celebrity crush??
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lilymhe it can't possible have been THAT BAD
ynfan1 you looked so pretty tho!
ynfan1 also have you forgotten you're a PROFESSIONAL sportswoman yourself
lilymhe they are so right ! you slay always
yourusername 🥹🥹
mclaren please come join us for another weekend ! celeb crushes can go both ways you know ....
ynfan1 OH OH OH NORIZZ has a crush on you YAYYY
alex_albon leave you both unsupervised for a DAY and you implode
yourusername you said you would be my wingman, I was unprepared 😔😔
landonorris if you do find one can I also get the number to that support group?
osarpiastri please for the well being of everyone, I cannot hear a recap of this meeting
alex_albon we should have stuck with the original plan and gone golfing ffs
landonorris kick a guy while he's down why don't you
yourusername hello ! hi guys just gentle reminder this is my comment section so I can like ... see everything....
landonorris hi 😳
alex_albon oh ffs help lilymhe
britishgq
liked by landonorris and others
britishgq meets yourusername in our next edition. yn is the pinnacle of modern women, with titles like the 'people's princess' circulating. we believe it's high time for a proper catch-up.
oh, and did we mention she's currently britain's highest-ranking female golfer?
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yourusername ahh this is surreal, I had so much fun!!
britishgq 💓💓
lilymhe I say thats my bestie and I am PROUD
lilymhe a model and a killer sportswoman, someone wife her up before I do !
f1fan1 hahaha thats landos warning
ynfan1 I feel so proud omg!!
ynfan2 oh hello lando lurking in the likes
alex_albon oh?
landonorris
liked by maxfewtrell and others
landonorris have been getting some private lessons in between races, watch out carlossainz55
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carlossainz55 aye you'll need a miracle
landonorris and who says I haven't got one...
alex_albon you'd wanna start returning my calls mate
landofan1 oh hello WHO ARE YOU SOFT LAUNCHING
ynfan1 *whispers* please be yn please be yn 🤞
lilymhe BESTIE STEALER
ynfan1 ahh its SO is yn
yourusername
liked by landonorris and others
yourusername golf golf golf, also I drove a fancy car and didnt crash! waiting for that call from mclaren any second now xx
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lilymhe look at you all adorable and loved up <3
alex_albon these kids are growing up so fast !
f1fan you are everyones parents xx
mclaren getting rid of our first driver as we speak !!
landonorris you are leaving out the detail that you mounted the curb...
yourusername and I can leave the detail of you out of my life if you dont watch
ynfan1 HE KNOWS THE DETAILS
landojpg
liked by yourusername and others
landojpg summer break well spent.
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ynfan1 I spot my hero !! must be dating if she's on holiday with the friends
landofan1 ew is lily's friend hanging out of him AGAIN?? get a job christ
ynfan1 you do realise shes a professional golfer right??
ynfan2 there's this thing called holidays ....
lilymhe please give her back to me... you can take alex!
landojpg he's not as cute tho 😔
alex_albon so you're saying I am cute tho? 😎
landonorris added to their story!
the prettiest papaya supporter🧡
replies:
yourusername ah give a girl some warning before you hardlaunch her to your millions of fans...
yourusername kinda so cute tho Ill let you away with it <3
lilymhe AH hardlaunch on main
danielricciardo does landonorizz have ... rizz??
_finished_
as always would LOVE to know you're thoughts! come chat about this fic or even ideas you have for my next one??
#lando norris#lando norris imagine#lando norris x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#lando norris fanfic#f1driver!reader#smau
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the forgotten letter
pairing: tara carpenter x fem reader
a/n- ahh guys it's finally here! probably one of the longest word count story i've done with around 6k words, but yes! for the people who voted on my poll, i did both angst and happy ending<3. i hope you enjoy!
thank you for 100 followers, i guess this is a special!
-
You think you loved Tara for as long as you could remember.
Well, years later, you think you loved her ever since you laid eyes on her, if you knew what love meant.
It was like a click, a connection, the kind of love you didn't even know was real out of movies.
But it was, it all was when you met Tara.
You had met her in second grade, well, you could say a year after. How could you forget that every day, you were on the swings, and the only reason was to be able to see Tara eating at the same table with her lunch box without being caught staring. You always looked at the sky when she turned, sometimes you would make eye contact and she'd give you the sweetest smile that made you kick your feet and giggle till you fell asleep with a smile on your face two nights in a row.
You were always a shy soul when it came to making conversations with strangers, especially someone as beautiful as Tara, with her wavy, long hair that seemed to always be perfect. A little messy? You wouldn't dare to say that, one small messy hair is like realizing how it complimented the girl you thought was perfect enough. Her dark brown eyes seemed to have stars in them, you loved stars.
The first time you made an interaction, it was the same procedure, lunch-time bell rings, your classmates squeal, you all run out, and you make your way to the second swing that was next to the lunch tables. Then you'd wait and wait, till you saw her, then you'd swing, even though you weren't very good, you only got a foot high at most times.
Usually, when you would swing, your friends would be there, but when you told them about Tara, and how you said, "I think she's very very very pretty." They all laughed, saying "ewwwwww.." They kind of left you by yourself on the swings from then forward.
You were sad, but that didn't stop you from always looking at her.
Tara noticed, you were staring at your feet, swinging lowly and she felt bad, she didn't like strangers, but she always saw you, it was like you were friends. So she abandoned her lunch box and walked over to you.
"Hi.. Do you want me to help swing you? My sissy Sam taught me some ways so you could swing higher! I can push you if you want!"
You looked up at her mouth open as they quickly turned into a wide smile, Tara thought it was cute.
"Yes please! I-I don't know how to swing very high.."
She giggled, shaking her head as she approached closer behind you, where the handles were, "I know, every day you are here and every time, I see you swing and swing! But your friends.. They aren't here. Are they absent?"
You shook your head, a little pout showing, "No.. They.." You didn't know what to say, and as much as you wanted to lie.. You couldn't to this girl that made you smile. "I come here and see you every day, and I always want to talk to you, but I feel weird and not comfy when I try talking to people I don't know very well. My mommy says it's called being shy. I think you are very pretty. My friends don't like when people say that. They say it's yucky. So now I'm a little lonely."
Tara looked surprised, but it quickly turned into a small smile, tilting her head, "You think I'm pretty?"
You nod your head up and down, "I think you are very pretty, I see these stars in your eyes that no one else has, I think it's cool."
She smiles, happily, "I think you're very pretty too! Wow! I never been called pretty! Thank you! Wow!"
You turn to her and give her a smile you never knew existed, it looked so happy, "Thank you!"
"My name is Tara by the way. Tara Carpenter!"
"I'm Y/N! Y/N Y/L/N! That name fits you.. Tara.. I don't think I'll remember that.." (That was a lie, you memorized it by the time you got home and asked your mom to write it on your notebook..) "I think I'll have to call you a shorter name.. Like.. Cheese!"
She makes a small grimace, but it looked so cute, "Cheese? You're funny!"
You both giggled as you give her a cheeky grin, "I think we'll be really good friends."
"Me too," She says with a soft voice, pushing you on the swings, higher than you could ever imagine. You could see the clouds and felt like you could touch them, but most of all, you could see her name in the sky.
"Tara Carpenter," You whispered to yourself with a squeal as Tara pushed you higher.
- -
In 6th grade, your parents had a big fight that made your eyes go wide, making you hide under your bed as you clawed at your ears, silently sobbing. Sure they fought and it could be bad, but this one was different, it was worse, screaming, crying, your walls shaking and random things being thrown. You found out that they got divorced.
Then at that night, you grabbed your phone and opened your window with tears in your eyes, going to Tara's house, running as fast as you could move.
You climbed up the ladder that Tara had shown you and crawled to her room on top of the house, knocking quietly on her window, sniffling.
A long moment later, you could see her shadow as she opened it, rubbing her eyes as she looked at you, "Y/N?"
Then, she looked up at your face, the only light was from her lamp and the moonlight, finally seeing your tear stained cheeks and crying eyes.
"You're crying," She says, concern flooding through her features as she pulled you inside and onto her bed.
She sat next to you as you stared at her stuffed animal.
"Not too much.." You murmur, tears daring to fall down again.
"Why?"
Should you tell her something that has been going on for almost your whole life?..
"My parents fought today.. Oh Tara.. It was terrifying.. There was screaming, crying, I heard so many things being thrown and I tried everything.. It just w-wouldn't stop.. They.. I.. They..." You sniffle, your mouth opening to let out soft cries, she knew what happened, your mom and dad weren't together anymore.
Something in Tara broke, she couldn't see you cry. Seeing you cry made her eyes water, especially someone like you.
She wrapped her arms around you and pulled you closer, making you sob against her chest, rubbing circles behind your back, something she learned in the past.
"It's all going to be okay. I'm here. I won't ever leave you."
Your lip trembles, looking up at her, "Do you really promise?"
She can see it in your eyes, fear. You don't want her to leave you.
"I promise."
You nod against her chest, turning away from her so your back is facing her stomach as she hugs you.
A moment passes before you turn to her again, she could see something swimming underneath those eyes, uncertainty.
"Do you really promise? Y-You're all I have."
Tara can feel her heart squeeze as she nods, nuzzling your nose. "I really promise."
You nod, "I trust you. I always trust you." You whisper, sniffling as you hug her, your nose buried against her chest as you cry, cries turning more muffled as she can sense your beginning to fall asleep. You never heard, but as you slept, she kissed your forehead quickly, whispering a small, "Love you."
- -
When Tara was 15, her parents divorced like yours, and both her dad and sister left her. She didn't know what she felt.
She was upset, she cried in her bed for months..
But then, she felt angry. Angry at her dad, her sister, at the world.
It was a turn of events for her and it caused her to shut everyone out. Everyone.
Including you.
She didn't want to take any anger out on you, she would never be angry you. But she always felt like if she talked to someone she cared deeply about, like you, she would snap.
But she never thought abandoning you would hurt you as much as she thought.
At first, it was when she saw you in the halls, and you saw her, but as soon as she met your eyes, she would turn a corner, seeing your waving hand fall limp to your sides. She felt bad. But it would get easier, and it did.. But she always felt that small feeling of guilt eating at her.
It happened multiple times, but you thought she just couldn't see you.
Then it was in the classes you shared when she wouldn't talk to you.
You usually would talk to her, but whenever she wouldn't talk to you first, you would think she's busy.
But she never turned to you with a joke, a conversation, not even a glance when you saw.
You sat alone at lunch, you sat alone at dinner too, maybe be greeted with your dad if he was drinking.
No more good morning, goodnight, or any texts from Tara.
You tried approaching her, but every time you'd lock eyes, she'd give you this stare that made your gut twist and walk the other way.
You couldn't help but cry, you felt betrayed, everything was crumbling. You had lost the one person that you cared so so deeply about, the person you desperately wanted to be by your side for the rest of your life.
It was hard to get any sleep, because most of the time, you'd be staring at the ceiling, waiting for a goodnight text that would never come. The goodnight text that let you fall asleep as quickly as you shut your eyes.
And you thought that it was because of you, she didn't want to see you ever again.
You cried, every single night till you passed out from exhaustion.
Little did Tara know, that there was a letter on the side of your desk, the fresh ink marking it's words on the paper beginning to see the seasons change, beginning to grow as time went on.
The letter you were going to give Tara confessing your love.
The letter that you spent day and night on.
The letter that was now untouched for months, left on the side of your desk.
The letter, filled with your words of adoration, never being able to experience a reaction, because you never gave to her.
You felt numb, you didn't know what to feel, but you felt abandoned, it hurt so much, it hurt harder than a piercing knife in the heart.
Tara noticed you began to avoid her, began to finally accept it.
You never truly accepted it, you would say you just lost hope, 3 years had passed so quickly.
In class, when she'd turn to you, you never turned back.
When she would sit at the spot you both sat at, she would see your shadow sitting on the chair, untouched and cold.
Sometimes she'd see you at the park, just sitting on a picnic towel and writing in your journal.
Under the tree you both would always sit,
Never having the guts to approach you.
She would say you seemed peaceful, but you weren't. Because whenever she saw your face, it's like your sweet persona was gone and faded, the vibrant colors you used to have was long gone.
Replaced with eyebags, tired eyes, and hair that was always covered by headphones or a hoodie.
Tara never knew why her leaving you left a big mark on your heart, you two were just friends. Right?
She tried to stop thinking about why, but she couldn't help it, you popped up in her head on nights she couldn't go to bed so easily.
- -
Tara was looking at the stars one night, just staring, the moonlight glistening on her cheeks.
She thought of you. She thought back to second grade, words that were ages ago. She could hear your tiny voice.
"I see these stars in your eyes that no one else has, I think it's cool."
She then realized she made a huge mistake, why didn't she think of it before?
Her leaving you was like you being abandoned again, she left you in the dark when she said she would never abandon you. But she left just like your parents.. She left just like how her parents did..
She promised that night you had ran to her. She promised that she would never leave you, and you weren't the person who trusted people often.
But you trusted her. You knew that she wouldn't leave you.
You thought she wouldn't leave you.
She was the first person you thought of when you were afraid, because she was really all you had.
"Do you really promise? Y-You're all I have."
She remembers those words she said that night, her voice running around her mind, saying the words, "I promise."
She remembers you telling her your parents divorced, she remembers you telling her that when you were with your mom, she was never home, you never had a holiday to spend with your family. Most days alone, and when you met Tara, she always let you come for the holidays.
She was all you had, and you were faithful in what she told you. But she abandoned you, just like everybody in your life had did. She had did something she never wanted to be in the first place. She was so mad that she was left by her family, even when her mom was still with her, that she didn't realize that she did the one thing she wanted so badly not to be.
Abandoned, you were abandoned when she was all you had.
She knew she had to do what was right, she thought distancing herself would work. But it made you worse. She had to fix it.
- -
You were sitting at the park, same place, with your journal, your tote bag in the other, listening to god knows what.
(You were listening to "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron..)
Tara was going to finally approach you.
Something in her gut told her something was wrong, something was going to be wrong. But she sighed, just brushing it off and thinking that it would be you possibly never forgiving her.
She sat next to you, making your head turn from the small thump next to you.
Your eyes were shocked, mouth agape, whispering the only word she could make up.
"Tara.."
She bit her lip, but instead of smiling at her, you didn't say anything, looking at her with a small scowl and turned your head back to your journal, exhaling an angry huff.
She frowned, looking at you, reaching for your shoulder.
"Look.. Y/N-"
"-Save it Tara." You snapped, making her flinch.
"Y/N, please."
You make a long sigh, turning to her. "Tara I really don't have time for this. You shouldn't be being here right now. You can't be here today! You shouldn't be!"
She looked confused but she kept going, "Look I-I'm sorry. For leaving you."
You turned to her again, at this point she could read your gaze, you were angry, you were upset, most of all behind those eyes, you were hurt.
"You can't just leave me for 3 years and come back to apologize thinking I'll forgive you just like that! You're out of my life for so long and come back like nothing has happened."
She exhaled, "Let me just speak! I-I've learned from then and I'm trying to apologize!"
You stopped her, "I don't want you apologizing for this damage that has caused my life to crumble and has already been dealt with.."
She interrupted you, "I know! But I was dealing with so much! M-my parents divorced and I thought letting you go would be best.. Please, I'm trying! Can't we just go back to what we had and forget what has happened?"
You were hurt, tears brimming at your eyes, "You don't understand! Are you forgetting that you left me? YOU left me Tara! And you didn't bother to even tell me or apologize when you left. I was depressed okay? And it was because of you! Every single damn day for three years I was never able to sleep properly because I would think that you would finally text me one night and wish me a goodnight! You were all I had! When my parents divorced I didn't leave you!"
At this point, when your mouth opened, soft cries were being heard, "You were all I had.." You repeat, sniffling, "You promised me you wouldn't leave and that's just what you did."
She felt bad, the walls you put up to get away from her were all falling apart, she saw the little girl that she knew once before. The little girl she saw that night your parents divorced when they both left you. She felt all this guilt that has built up when she ignored you beginning to swarm in her chest, she felt horrible.
"I'm sorry. I don't even know who I was.." She whispered, looking at your shaking figure.
You turned to her, your tears flowing down, like the three years to stop them wasn't enough.
"Tara just s-stop! I-I'm just getting over you after this long and I can't have you here again. N-not today."
She looked at you, aghast, eyes wide, "What?"
You cover your face, hands sliding down to stop, "Yes Tara! I loved you! I fucking loved you and the day I was going to tell you, you left! YOU left me!" You screamed, angry, betrayed, sentence ending with a cry.
She was stunned. You loved her.. You loved Tara. And she thought that when she loved you, pushing you away could make her forget her feelings, making sure you were safe, but she caused this.
You didn't wait for her to respond, shuffling through your tote bag and grabbing up a crumpled piece of paper, slamming it in her hand before you got up and left, the gush of wind hitting her hair as she stared at her hand in horror, not knowing what to do.
- - night
Tara sat in her room, staring at the ceiling, hair draped all over her bed as the only light was from her lamp, only adding a light orange hue to her room.
She felt bad, she should've known that she never should've left you. She should've thought about how you were going to feel like. It made her want to cry.
As much as she's staring, she notices the crumpled up paper you gave her. She wasn't even sure what it was, maybe that's why she was so scared of opening it.
She grabs it from the side of her night stand and slowly uncrumples it, revealing a letter.
From you 3 years ago.
-
Dear Tara,
We've been friends for so long and I remember when you first came up to me in second grade because you noticed my friends weren't playing with me like they usually do everyday. To be honest, I never told you but for some reason, years ago, I remember staring at you every day while you ate lunch because you seemed so sweet and I wanted to approach you so badly. It's weird that myself in second grade would even do that. But you should know the only reason why I sat on the swings, every, single, day was because I wanted to see you. That's the first time we've ever met and I'm so blessed for that day because now, you're my best friend. Everyday I'm so happy to have you to be the reason I get to smile and have a shoulder to cry on or rest on. I've been wanting to tell you this for so long, but I remember feeling a strange feeling in my chest when I first confessed my problems at home with my parents and felt your soft hands touch mine to comfort me.
It was so so weird. Love always seemed like something I might never have because I found it to be gross. But when I met you, I felt like love wasn't so bad anymore. That day, I remember feeling this warmness in my cheeks when you hugged me, I remember feeling something I don't feel for people often. I felt trust. That's when I knew I was falling in love with you. you've been there every step of the way and I don't know where I'd be without you. Tara, I want to write to you that I love you. I've been falling ever since on nights where I got yelled at and came to your house crying, when you invited me over for Christmas with your family because I didn't have a home I wanted to go to, I love you because you're Tara and it's so hard to explain. but at the same time it isn't. I don't think I met someone as loving, understanding, and caring as you, I've seen you as someone who can light up a room. Even on my bad days, you somehow manage to make me smile, not many people can do that for a person like me.
My mother was planning to move to Canada in like 3 years, she said 3 years later in April, but she said it was up to me. And I told her we had to wait just a little longer because I wanted to give this letter to you and see what you said. I think I won't leave this place because it stores all our memories, like at the coffee shops or the tree we sit down at every morning of Saturday. I'm not leaving because you're the only person that is making me stay. I would've been long gone if you weren't here. But meeting you has caused me to look forward to something to everyday. To someone. I don't think I've ever been so happy to you know, just walk to your house randomly and pop out under your bed and see your scared reaction. But, Tara Carpenter, I love you. I don't even think these words can even explain the kind of comfort, or need that I feel when you're by my side. I hope that these words can help you realize how much you've taken a toll on my life, and possibly, one day I can be by your side for the rest of my life.
All my love,
Y/N/Y/L/N
<;33
-
Tara covered her mouth, trying to cover a cry, which came out muffled. Your words. Her betrayal. She left you before you could even tell her.
She thought of your face in her thoughts, she thought of seeing the letter fall out of your hands when she ignored you on every day she could ever see you.
She thought of you crumpling it with broken sobs and throwing it on your desk.
She thought of the letter you were going to give her, the letter that was supposed to be given, but never was.
The forgotten letter beginning to age.
And noticed, it was all ruffled and there were marks of fallen, long old tears on it, seeing how the ink smudged from the tears.
The letter fell, tears falling from her eyes and streaming down her face.
It must've been so long ago. But it felt like yesterday. Even though it was 3 years ago.
She could've changed the slightest thought of her mind the day she began to ignore you.
If she did, everything would've been right. She could picture her holding hands with you, cuddling at night with your favorite movie playing in the background. You two would've been in desperate, everlasting, love. If her parents didn't divorce, she could see you, in your usual wavy hair with a ribbon tied from the back with your half up half down, the smooth letter laying in your arms, running up to her. She could picture the way you smiled, the way your silly smile made her smile back with a tinted blush on her cheeks. She could picture the way she would jump up and down and say she loved you too.
Everything would've been perfect.
If she didn't leave you in the first place.
Instead, she was left with your letter, crumpled, not smooth, wrinkled, seeing the way the letter couldn't bear to be left anymore.
Tara fell asleep that night, broken, feeling horrible for the way you must've felt, with the crinkled letter in her hand.
- -
The next morning, Tara was at the park, she could see a train station up ahead, New York's local train station that she would take when she had to travel.
Tara was sitting under the tree you always sat at with her. The tree that held so many memories, the way when spring would hit, the white flowers would fall on the green grass when you two would be together. The way the tree's flowers began to wilt when you began to sit alone, like the friendship that began to wilt.
She waited, you sat at this tree every single day, but why weren't you coming? She waited, looking up at the flowers, they weren't very white anymore, the fallen flowers a little orange from being dried. It was spring, it was April, the flowers should've been whiter, but they weren't as bright. What a metaphor and sign it was for her. But still, they were as pretty as ever.
She bit her lip, sighing, grabbing the letter you wrote her again, reading it again. Then before she could read it again, as she looked up, she could see..
You?
You were at the train station, you held a luggage, looked packed, with your hair down, usually ribbon in your hair, waiting to enter the train.
Her eyes widened, and it came to her, everything made sense, her thoughts unfolding, everything like magic was happening.
She remembered something, something..
She quickly read the letter she was reading, then her eyes expanded with fear.
Then she remembered, it was 3 years since she left you, and it was April.
"My mother was planning to move to Canada in like 3 years, she said 3 years later in April, but she said it was up to me. And I told her we had to wait just a little longer because I wanted to give this letter to you and see what you said. I think I won't leave this place because it stores all our memories, like at the coffee shops or the tree we sit down at every morning of Saturday. I'm not leaving because you're the only person that is making me stay."
- -
happy ending
"Fuck!" Tara cried, grabbing the letter as she ran after you.
It couldn't be too late, it couldn't have been today!
As she ran, her legs taking her as far as they could, she could hear your voice in her mind,
"You shouldn't be being here right now. You can't be here today! You shouldn't be!"
She should've known you were going to leave, she should've seen last night! Is that why you were so afraid to see her when she came up to you? Because you knew you were going to be gone the next day? And she was going to keep you from leaving? Because you didn't have the heart to really tell her why she couldn't have talked to you?
It all made sense.
Tara sobbed as tears fell like a thunderstorm, running and seeing the train doors open, there were at least 10 people in front of you waiting to get on, it made her more desperate, running after you.
She screamed your name, she was so close but yet so far away, why can't the people move slower?
Tara lost her father and sister, she couldn't lose you. She can't. She needed to apologize, she never got to say her true apology.
She was almost there, and you were so close to entering the train, making her run up the stairs as fast as she could, panting and losing her breath.
The day was beginning to lose hope, there was only a few more people who needed to get on before it closed, before you did.
She saw your figure, your pretty face, not focusing on the tired eye bags as she got up the stairs, running to the train.
Tara screamed your name as loud as she could, making you turn, and her grabbing your arm, pulling you and your luggage out of the train, seeing it start to roll away.
She was panting hard, you turning to see her, your eyes full of fear, confusion, and most of all, a wave of.. Hope?
For some reason, it took her a while to catch her breath, but before you could say something, she hugged you, tightly.
The arms of you wrapped around her stomach, she felt you melt in her arms, burying your face against her chest, as she embraced you, the letter you wrote falling to the floor.
Tara cried as you both hugged, whispering in a slight broken voice, "I'm sorry Y-Y/N.."
You were crying too, softly as you hugged her, "I know.. It's okay. We're okay.."
She kept talking, she felt horrible, "I-I left you when you needed me.. I was the only person you relied on a-and I left because I w-wasn't thinking about how you felt.. I thought t-that if I c-could push you away, these feelings I-I felt would go away and I wouldn't take m-my anger out on you for my parents divorcing.. I'm s-so s-sorry.." The girl's scent comforted you, reminding you of your past, making you hug her more.
Tara could hear you hiccupping on cries as she twisted your hair, "I didn't even k-know you needed me that much, you s-should've told me you were planning to leave."
You looked up at her, you were crying horribly, she swept bangs away from your face to see your tired, broken face that has been building up these past 3 years.
"I-I thought you didn't want to see me anymore.. I thought you didn't need me.. I-I thought you left because you hated me.. or didn't care about me anymore.. I couldn't bear to think about you breaking your promise.. I thought you abandoned me.. I was s-so hurt that I j-just did all these things that weren't me.. I tried to avoid you.. I couldn't sleep or eat.. I was s-so scared because I had no one.." You said, voice barely a whisper, raw and full of hurt.
Tara's eyes widened a little, a wave of strong guilt hitting her, as she shushed you.. "No Y/N.. Of course not.. I never hated you.. I-I loved you and I couldn't bear to think that I would take my anger out that you never caused on you.. S-so I avoided you and didn't think about how m-much it would affect you. I'm sorry.." Tara said again, voice cracking.
You nodded against her chest, sniffling as Tara saw the tears fall again, wiping them.
"I love you," she whispered, "I always had."
She saw your eyes slightly sparkle, that sparkle that she thought she'd never see, the sparkle that disappeared that day she left.
Her hands reached to grab the letter she dropped, showing it to you, "Let's try to restart, okay?"
You were still crying, but managed to make a small smile formed as you nodded, "Tara, I love you. I've loved you for so long, I've loved you when I realized that you were the one person that I could finally trust, a word that I thought that might never happened, but it did because o-of you. C-can we maybe.. Just.."
She pulled you a little closer, grinning just a little as she nodded her head before you could finish, "Yes."
Then she kissed you softly, it was like everything had never happened, she could feel the way you hugged her, the way the wilted flowers were going to flourish again, the letter that was forgotten, finally given.
"Do you really promise you won't leave me?.."
You both locked eyes when pulling away, Tara held up a pinky.
"I don't break pinky promises."
You take her pinky and link it with yours, hugging her again.
"I trust you."
Every bad thing that happened between you two was long forgotten.
- -
angst ending
Tara's eyes widened with fear, seeing you with a packed luggage, your figure entering the train, you couldn't.. Not today..
"Fuck!" She cried, the train was not to far, she could still make it.
She screamed your name, all the feelings towards you she felt spilling out from her scream as she ran after you.
She ran, ran ran ran, running out of breath as her shoes crumpled on dry leaves and grass, crying.
"No! You can't be! Y/N! Please!" She screamed, but her voice was muffled, you couldn't hear her.
Tara was so close, yet so far as she kept running, getting closer, an apology of cries coming out.
The train got closer and closer as she finally saw you, screaming your name.
You finally turned around, knowing the voice all to well as you turned to see her.
Then the train doors closed, your eyes only being seen through the window as she cried out your name, shaking her head in disbelief, her eyes filled with regret and tears.
You looked at her, like you couldn't believe she was here, you thought you'd never see her again as your hand reached up to touch the window, your touch ghosting on her face as she could hear you mouth out her name.. "Tara.." Then she could sense the sense of shame on your face, sorrow.
"Please.. It's not too late.." She sobbed, her voice going in the crevices of the doors.
Then the train began to move, as she saw you getting farther and farther away, your hand on the window as she saw you mouth the words, "I'm sorry."
She ran after the train, but knew deep down, she wasn't going to make it. She wasn't going to see you again, the train leaving her sight as she cried, regretting the days she ignored you, regretting the way she made you think that she didn't ever care. She abandoned someone when knowing, years ago, she was once the girl who promised to protect them and never leave her side.
She knew that you had left, all those memories you two had created were left with her now. She knew that you weren't going to come back.
She never even got to say goodbye. She never got to say sorry. She never got to tell you she loved you, she loved you all of these years. She never knew where you would be. She would never know if you two would ever meet again.
The only sound she could hear was the wind blowing in her hair, blowing the muffled sounds of you two laughing and giggling, what you two once were, what you two could've been, it was just too late. You would just be a memory for her, a memory she could never forgive herself for. A broken memory she knew she caused. The memory was broken but she also knew, long season months ago, she broken your promised heart.
I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you.
Take me back to the night we met.
Tara thought back to the day you two met, the day you became friends. The day that led to you falling to her years later. The day that led to her falling for you, then pushing you away.
The day that led to this.
If she could see your face one last time and kiss you, everything would be okay.
Tara knew that she was just too late, seeing the train long gone, tears in her eyes as she let out a choking sob, the letter falling out of her hand, long forgotten.
#jenna ortega x fem!reader#jenna ortega imagine#jenna ortega x reader#vada cavell x reader#tara carpenter x reader#jenna marie ortega#tara carpenter x you#jenna ortega x you#jenna ortega x y/n#vada cavell x y/n
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Happier.
Pairings : Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Steve Rogers
Summary : Your ex-girlfriend, Natasha, seems happier with her new man than she was with you. Or is she? (summaries r my biggest weakness, if it isn't obvious yet)
Warnings : Angst, Fluff (?), a talesofely ending (i'm not sorry 😓), swearing, mentions of romanogers, uses Y/N twice, pls tell me if u see anything else
Word count : 1.1k
Note : not a big fan of romanogers, so this kinda hurts to write 😭
You were walking down a familiar street. You weren't sure if it was the 29th street or the street close to the park. It was a dark and cold night, ones you used to enjoy a lot. You used to love walking around at night, the serenity and calmness it brought was something you cherished a lot. Everything changed due to a certain situation a month ago tho.
Your feet stopped moving when your eyes spotted a newly opened restaurant. It wasn't supposed to be that big of a deal, until you saw a couple walk out. It was Steve Rogers, and Natasha. She was wrapped in Steve's arms as they walked out of the restaurant into the peaceful night road.
You bit your lower lip to calm yourself down. It's only been a month since you two broke up, how could she move on so fast?
You didn't know why you decided to follow them. All you knew was that you were a few feet behind them, watching as Steve said something that made Natasha laugh.
They were headed to a bar. You entered a few minutes after them, immediately spotting them at a small bar table. You subsequently sat on the table on the corner.
It was bittersweet to see them smiling so widely, like they were so inlove. Your eyes subconsciously landed on Natasha. She looks happy. Happier than she was with you.
You smiled sadly. Seeing her like this brought you joy and sadness at the same time. Joy, 'cause seeing her smile always made you happy. Sadness, 'cause you aren't the reason for her smile anymore.
You knew you were also at fault. She hurt you without knowing, and you hurt her for it. Your break up was messy. It was a decision made in the heat of the moment. She dared you to walk away, to leave her alone, and you did.
But you also knew you loved her more than yourself. You treated her like how Carl treated Ellie in the movie Up. Apparently, she doesn't love you as much as you loved her, as she was moving on faster than you could've ever done.
You didn't mind, tho. Especially when you saw how happy she looked with Steve. Who were you to prevent her from having that kind of happiness?
You bit your lower lip and ducked your head, not having the guts to watch the love of your life in another's arms.
You felt a soft tap on your arm after a few minutes. You looked up to see your friends from work, smiling sympathetically at you. They sat at the table you were in, wordlessly buying bottles of alcohol for all of you.
They gave you a bottle of Natasha's favorite beer. Instinctively, you passed it to Natasha that was supposed to be beside you. You froze and sighed deeply when you remembered.
You finished the beer bottle faster than usual. You had high alcohol tolerance, but you didn't drink too much before 'cause you wanted to stay sober for Natasha. You nursed the empty bottle as you stared at your only reason to live being someone else's.
"Stop sulking, Y/N. I know how much you love her, but you shouldn't act like it's the end of your life end just because she left." Scarlett, one of your friends, said with a small smile.
"Yeah, babes, you'll find someone else that'll make you feel the same way—if not more than you did with Natasha." Lizzie gave you a small hug, trying her best to comfort you.
"I appreciate it, guys, really... but I don't think I'll ever find someone who I won't compare to Natasha. She's it for me." You responded with a bittersweet smile, watching as Natasha laughed at another one of Steve's jokes. It made you wonder how funny they really were to make her laugh that much.
"Jeremy, you're friends with Clint, right?" The said man nodded, looking at you in confusion.
"Don't mention my name, but please ask him to tell Natasha, that if he breaks her heart... I'll always be here, waiting patiently for her. No matter what." You sighed deeply seeing the couple stand up, and got ready to leave. You drank the last of your drink before ordering another bottle.
_______________
"Hey, Nat, have you heard?" Clint asked as he entered the kitchen where Natasha was coincidentally in.
"Heard about what?"
"Y/N finally released a single. Tony's going to play it tonight."
Natasha's brows furrowed in confusion, searching her best friend's face for any signs of playfulness but found nothing.
"What's it called?"
"Happier."
Natasha bit her lower lip, as she nodded, trying to act like she didn't care about it. Based on the title, she figured it was about being happier without her.
_______________
The avengers settled down in the common room, all ready to hear your first single.
"Ready?" Tony played the recording despite Sam's small "Wait." as he ran to the kitchen to grab a snack.
When your voice came through the speaker as you sang the first line, Natasha felt her heart clench. Oh how she missed your voice, your lullabies when she nightmares hinder her from sleep, and your soft singing as you danced with her around the kitchen in the refrigerator light at 3am.
As the song continued, Natasha realized the lyrics were about her. About your previous relationship. About... missing her.
Not only that, but the information on the lyrics were almost the same as the night she went out with Steve. 29th and Park, a month, a bar, corner of the room, empty bottle... Shit. You saw her.
Her panicking eyes met Steve's equally surprised ones. She immediately took her phone out, despite the song not even ending yet. She cursed when she was brought straight to voice mail. This doesn't stop her from calling you multiple times again though.
Clint looked at Natasha in realization, only then remembering and realizing what Jeremy's cryptic message was about.
So you were the 'she' he was talking about.
The archer approached his best friend, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Nat." He called her attention, only to be answered by a hum and glossy eyes from her.
"Jeremy, one of Y/N's friend, talked to me yesterday. He told me to tell you that, 'She'll always be there, waiting patiently for you. No matter what.'" He said quietly, trying to not attract unwanted attention to the now silently crying spy, knowing how much she hates others seeing her vulnerable side.
If only you picked up her calls, if only you read her texts, if only she knew your address, if only she knew you were there that day... she would've approached you and told you that it wasn't real. It was a mission. A mere undercover mission.
If only you knew that her heart still is, and will always be, yours.
If only you knew that she will only truly be happy with you.
Note : i'm sorry...? part 2 or naaahh? i kinda like this ending:> btw, i used this to cure my writer's block so BAHHAHAHAHA enjoyyy! mwaAaAaAaA:3
#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x fem!reader#natasha x reader#natasha romanoff x you#natasha romanov#natasha x you#natasha romanoff x gender neutral reader#natasha romanoff x female#natasha romanoff x steve rogers#steve rogers x natasha romanoff#romanogers#i'm not that big of a fan of romanogers soo....#gay gay gay#natasha i love u#marry me#writer's block#ely !! ★#by ely !! ★
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Darlin' pt 4
pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3 / pt 5
Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x f!reader (Slowburn romance)
Description: Reader realizes her growing feelings for her traveling companion in Filly.
Notes: Okay, so I am SO proud of this part. Please let me know what you guys think.
TW: Kinda angsty at the end.
"Find somethin' to do," Cooper says as he makes himself comfortable on a chair, watching the store across from him carefully.
I huffed and crossed my arms before looking around. "A new shirt would be nice." I thought to myself as I looked down at my mud-covered clothing.
"You got any extra caps?" I asked, leaning up against the side of his chair.
"No." He responds shortly.
I hummed in response. Just as I started to walk away I felt him grab my wrist, "Don't get into any trouble darlin'." He said, smirking, "Wouldn't want a repeat of last time. You'll scare away my target."
Embarrassment crept up into my cheeks, "I'll be good." I mumbled. I was not sure If I was telling that to myself or him. Probably both to be honest, but it seemed to satisfy him as he let go of my arm. The last thing I wanted to do was mess up this job for him. He was finally warming up to me, and the idea of ruining that ate at the back of my mind.
Filly was an interesting town. It was packed to the brim with fiends and travelers alike. I couldn't help the nervousness that settled in my stomach as I got farther and farther away from my newfound companion. I felt safe with him, safer than I have ever felt in my life. Most people would think that strange. Safe with a ghoul? I thought back to the man who called me a freak for being with the ghoul as I blushed. He thought we were together. A couple. Butterflies found their way into my stomach as I thought about the possibility. Romance was something that I never thought I would experience beyond the tattered books my brother got me from a wandering trader.
"Stop being stupid, Y/n. He doesn't want you." I thought to myself.
Without any caps, I decided to find a place to sit and lay low. I was determined to stay out of trouble, so I found a nice tree to sit up against while I watched all the people go by. I found watching all the different kinds of people walk through extremely interesting. All different types of hair colors, hairstyles, clothing, and weapons. Not to mention odd couples, siblings, and partners. All the new experiences were overwhelming. I found myself sitting there watching for longer than expected. After I had my fill, I got up from the tree and started heading back to Cooper.
"Right where I left you," I said to myself as his sitting form became clear. He had his hat covering most of his face, I assumed it was to avoid detection. The last town made it very clear that ghouls were not welcome.
As I made my over to him I saw his head tilt and his eyes peer up at me from under his hat. I smiled at him, "No trouble here."
He snorted in response as his eyes flickered over to the men wrestling each other across the way. "You might be the only one darlin'."
I leaned up against his chair again, letting some weight off of my feet. "My feet are-" I start to say before a person caught my eye. Her unique outfit and soft hair made her stand out from the rest of the crowd.
"A vaultie," Cooper responds, anticipating my question before it even forms.
"Those are real?" I gasp before leaning forward, wanting to get closer to her.
"Yeah, they are real." Cooper sighed as his hand shot back up to my arm. "Don't talk to her."
I frown but I keep quiet as I continue to watch her. He then kicked my foot gently to draw my attention back to him. "I mean it, darlin'."
"Fine," I say sighing as she disappears into the shop across the way. I felt sadness creep into my stomach as his hand dropped down to his lap and went back to fiddling with an empty Jet bottle. The butterflies from earlier returned as I thought about his touch. I bit my lip as I stared up at the sky.
"What has gotten into me?" I thought to myself.
We stayed there in silence for some time before a man and a dog came into town, making his way to the same shop the vaultie was in. I recognized him from the drawing. It was the bounty. I shifted in anticipation as he started making conversation with the vaultie at the front door.
"So now what?" I whispered, excitement laced in my voice.
"Now... you find somewhere to hide," Cooper said back. "And you don't come out till' I say so, got it?"
I frowned, confused. "Hide?"
"They ain't gonna let me just take him, darlin'." He responded, shifting in his seat as he readied for action.
The implication was clear. There was going to be another shootout. Not only was I unarmed, but I was unfamiliar with weapons altogether. Hiding was definitely the best course of action for me.
"Right," I said as I looked around before making my way behind one of the buildings.
Once I was finally out of view I heard Cooper's familiar voice, "Whilzig!" He shouted.
I peeked around the corner to see him walking up to the bounty. At this point, they were too far away for me to hear. I could tell that the people of the town now saw him for what he was as all eyes were on him, a ghoul. "That is a lot of people." I thought to myself. I was starting to worry.
"Now last night a bounty came in through all six agencies!" He shouted again.
I whipped back around and pressed myself to the building taking deep breaths as I tried to tamp down the panic in my chest. Once the first gunshot rang out I could hear the townspeople scrambling. "Maybe no one will give him any trouble?" I thought to myself. I was being naive again, but I didn't care.
"I got a thousand bottle caps for whoever kills that fucker!" I heard a woman scream out. "But you don't get shit if I kill him first."
"Shit," I whispered. I took one last deep breath before I peeked back around the building. I watched as Cooper moved in a circle, taking count of all the men lining up to fight for those caps. Our eyes met for a moment. While my eyes were filled with fear, his eyes were filled with confidence. He gave me a small smirk before continuing to circle around, waiting for someone to be brave enough to take a shot.
Once the shots started, all hell broke loose. I could hear wood breaking and bodies being thrown. Some of the ammunition even made its way through the buildings and out the other side.
In defense, I curled up in a ball on the ground. I was so worried about him that I didn't even realize that I could be shot too.
When there was a brief pause in gunfire, I fought the temptation to look out again. "Don't come out till I say so." His words echoed in my head.
As the shots started up again, I felt something pierce my arm. I fought the urge to shout in pain as tears started to run down my face. One of the men's shots went through the building and into my arm. I look down to see a nail and some wood splinters sticking out of me.
"Fuck." I whimpered as I cradled the wound trying to take deep breaths.
As I did my best to steady my breathing I heard a robotic voice say, "She said stand down ghoul."
I look around the corner to see a knight making his way towards Cooper, "Knight Titus of the Brotherhood of Steel. Stand down, or be cut down."
I couldn't hear Cooper's response, but I saw a look of disbelief and amusement on his face.
"Just do what he says, please," I whisper to myself. "Cooper." Just as I finish saying his name he lifts his gun at the girl and the knight makes a run towards her, jumping in front of her to take the bullet.
I squeeze my teary eyes together as I turn back around. If Cooper was going to be killed by this knight. I didn't want to see it.
Gunshots rang out again, this time it was just Cooper and the knight. To distract myself I looked back down at my arm, still bleeding. I had no idea what to do so I decided to pull the nail out. I took a deep breath in anticipation before giving it a good, hard yank. I couldn't help the loud cry that escaped my mouth. At the same time, I heard a body fly into some wood nearby. "It's not Cooper, it's not Cooper," I repeated over and over again as I fussed over my arm.
"Well, I'd say come up here and get me, but it's hard to walk upstairs while wearing a 12-piece cast-iron skillet set." Cooper chuckled.
Relief flooded my body when I heard his voice. The sudden sounds of bullets, explosions, and crashing filled my ears. I closed my eyes tight as I waited for it all to stop.
Eventually, I heard the knight flying overheard, clearly having lost control of his suit. It was over.
"Y/n?" I heard Cooper yell out.
I unsteadily got up on my feet and shuffled out from behind the building, still cradling my arm. "I am here."
As his eyes raked me over and stopped at my arm a look of concern washed over his face. He jogged over to take a closer look.
"I'm okay." I try and convince him as he gently touches my wound.
"Those crocodile tears suggest otherwise, sugar." Cooper responds, giving me a small smile. "Let's find you a stimpack."
I nod my head as he wraps his arm protectively around me and guides me towards the shop. He only lets go when we reach the dog, wounded and whining on the ground. He gently picks it up and brings it into the shop with us. After putting the dog down on the table, he starts to rummage through the junk in the shop.
"There's gotta be one around here somewhere." He mumbles.
Between sniffles I say, "When you find one, give it to the dog."
He lets out a small chuckle as he finally finds what he's looking for. "Well lucky for us I found two."
"And the bounty?" I ask as he makes his way towards me.
"Ah, I'll get him," Cooper says, brushing off my concerns before he quickly stabs me with the needle.
"Ouch!" I whine as he rubs my arm while shushing me.
"You are okay, Darlin'." He coos.
"The dog-" I start.
"I got the dog." Cooper interrupts before giving the dog the other stimpack, petting his head gently. A smile erupts across his face as the dog pops up, immediately feeling better. "There."
I smile wide as I watch him with the dog. "You like dogs."
He looks over at me still smiling as his eyes flicker over to my arm. The wound was healed and I am no longer cradling it, the pain completely gone. "Feelin' better?" He asked, already knowing the answer.
All the feelings I had experienced during the shootout came flooding back to me as my smile faded. I felt overwhelmed with sadness, fear, and relief. "I-" I started as tears filled my eyes.
"I was so worried about you!" I cried out as I ran towards him and wrapped my arms around him.
Faster than it took to wrap my arms around him, I felt him rip me off. He dug his fingers into my shoulders as he held me at arm's length, shaking me gently. "Don't." He said sternly.
Embarrassment washed over me as I stared down at my feet. "I-"
"Just, don't." He interrupted, sighing before releasing me. "We will wait here until nightfall and then we'll follow Whilzig's trail. See if you can find anything useful around here while we wait."
"Okay," I whispered in response before shuffling to the other end of the store. The rejection stung so deeply that I could barely focus on what I was looking at. Right when he started to warm up to me, I ruined it.
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