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alloftheimaginesblog · 10 months

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an old friend, a new start {remus lupin}

plot: Fourteen years after graduating Hogwarts, you're offered a job to be the new Muggle Music Professor. Funnily enough, your old friend, Remus Lupin, is also offered a new job at Hogwarts that year.

character: remus lupin x female reader

note: this has potential to be multiple parts, if anyone's interested let me know cause i'd like to write more of it xx

You took a deep breath as you stepped out of the carriage to look up at the large, looming castle in front of you. Hogwarts. The castle really hadn't changed at all. It was still strikingly beautiful and so intricately built. Dumbledore took a lot of care to maintain Hogwarts and its grounds and it showed. You lifted your trunk off of the ground and made your way through the grounds to the Great Hall.

The last time you were here was fourteen years ago, the day you graduated. How times had changed. When you were last here, you and your friends were carefree and wild, excited to see what life had in store for you. When there had once been six of you, now only half survived. You hadn't spoken to the other surviving members of the Marauders in years, well Sirius had been sent to Azkaban for the murder of Peter Pettigrew (and you believed it was also for betraying James and Lily too. You and Remus fell out of contact a year or two after Peter's supposed death and Sirius's imprisonment. Life got in the way and it was too hard. There were too many memories and it was too painful so the two of you lost contact.

You often wondered about Remus. He had been your closest friend once upon a time and at one point, you had been head over heels for him but he never knew that. You would wonder about his life, how he was dealing with his condition, if he ever settled down...

Little did you know you'd be finding out sooner rather than later.

Professor McGonagall welcomed you as you walked into the Great Hall, "Ah, (y/n), dear, how lovely to see you after all these years." She greeted with a warm smile. She remained the same, a few more wrinkles around her warm eyes but she was the same, "Or should I say Professor." She had a twinkle in her eye, "I always did like seeing our students come back to be Professors."

You smiled, "Thank you, Professor," you said gratefully, glad that your first interaction was with a friendly familiar face.

"Oh," she said with a sweep of her hand, "call me Minerva... How does it feel to be back?"

"It feels good to be back actually... A little strange and bittersweet." You told her, looking around, "Their memories haunt me every single day but it's more intense here." Minerva looked around the Great Hall, agreeing, "I remember my first day getting sorted into Gryffindor and sitting beside Lily... She was my first friend here before I met the rest."

Her smile was wide and her eyes were a dazzling bright green colour, clashing yet complimenting her orange hair perfectly, "Here," she said, patting the space on the bench beside her, "sit with me, will you?" You gladly sat beside her as you introduced yourselves to the other, "It's all so exciting isn't it? Overwhelming but it's exciting to be somewhere we all belong."

You shook yourself out of the memory and apologised to Minerva but she tutted and gave you a warm smile, "Don't apologise, dear. Keep those happy memories of them alive, all of them." Even Sirius. Even though he betrayed the Potters' ending up getting them and Peter killed, "Speaking of the past, I do have some potentially upsetting news to tell you. Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban recently," you nodded, you'd read all about it. You'd seen his face plastered everywhere, crazed and wild, "James and Lily's son, Harry, he's a third year at Hogwarts... As you know Sirius is the godfather of Harry Potter and we fear that Sirius may try and come to kill the last surviving member of the Potter family."

You nodded as she explained the precautions Hogwarts was taking, "Dementors from Azkaban will be guarding Hogwarts. My honest advice is to stay out of their way, the scary buggers." You laughed slightly, "Just... Be on your highest guard. I've warned Remus too. You two know Sirius better than anyone."

You frowned, "Remus?" You asked, "He's here?"

Minerva looked at you puzzled, "Yes. Sorry, dear, forgive me, I just assumed the two of you would still be in contact."

"No... We haven't seen each other for about a decade actually. It was too painful. Too many painful memories."

Minerva nodded, "Well I hope that him being here and with Sirius on the loose, it may rekindle your friendship once again. The two of you were always the best of friends." You were. You and Remus did everything together, "I don't usually like to gossip on students but seeing as you graduated fourteen years ago, I always did think the two of you would be good together." She smiled, a twinkle in her eye, as you blushed furiously, "Anyway, he's our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Do you want me to show you where your classroom is?"

"Still fifth floor, right?" You asked her to which she nodded, "I think I should be able to find it myself but thank you, Minerva." It would take a while to get used to calling her that, "Once I'm settled, we should catch up some more." Minerva smiled and agreed and then you walked away.

"Professor Lupin's classroom is on the third floor," she called after you. You didn't have to turn around to know that she would be smirking.

Hogwarts was huge with lots of winding staircases that ended up going to different places but it was like muscle memory. Your legs just knew which route to take. Instead of taking the quickest route to your new classroom, you took a bit of a scenic tour, just wanting to soak up everything old and everything new.

The silliest of memories resurfaced as you walked around.

"Look, Moony!" James grinned as Remus approached the two of you, "Padfoot's going to jump down this staircase. He believes he can do it without hurting himself."

Remus looked to you and you just shrugged, "I tried to stop him but it's Sirius, Rem. We'll never be able to control him." (It ended with Sirius spending a night in the hospital).

You turned a corner, finding yourself in front of a painting that you remembered.

You'd just happened across her standing looking at the painting. It was only your second day so you stopped to see if she was okay. "It's crazy," a first year Lily Evans said with a wide smile, "I'm Muggleborn so this is still all quite new to me but it still amazes me that paintings move."

"My dad's a Muggle," you said to Lily, "I kind of had the best of both worlds. I knew about magic but also knew and grew up with a lot of Muggle stuff like Muggle music, I love Muggle music."

"Oh my goodness," Lily grinned, "me too! Who's your favourite?"

"I love The Beatles-"

"No way!" Her smile was contagious, bright and so happy, "Oh (y/n), we're going to be such good friends."

Then you went through a rarely used shortcut through a painting and through a narrow staircase.

Remus coughed, "I suspect this is seldom used given how dusty it is... How did you find out about this secret passageway?"

You laughed, "Rem, I quite genuinely fell through the painting and landed on the stairs. I went up them and they got me to the fourth floor much quicker! Trust the process. Maybe next time we should bring a brush and do a bit of housekeeping?"

After leaving the passageway you wiped your robes down, they had gathered a lot of dust. You wondered whether or not all the other secret passageways and secret rooms you had once hidden in were still accessible and hidden. You'd need to investigate soon. You headed up a spiral staircase and then after a short walk through a hallway, you were standing in front of a classroom which said in large golden painted letters: MUGGLE MUSIC. You smiled and slowly pushed the door open.

"Oh it's brilliant," you said to yourself, clapping with glee after putting your trunk down. It was quite run down, maybe not loved as well as it should've been but getting it back up and running shouldn't be too much of a challenge. You wandered around the classroom, a fresh lick of paint on the walls, some newer instruments and maybe some plants and the classroom would look a lot better. The instruments you had were in relatively good condition but luckily for you, you had plenty of instruments in much better condition in your trunk.

"I learned a new charm!" Sirius grinned, "Check this out." He swung his bag off of his shoulder and began pulling out various textbooks and things alike.

Peter glanced at you, "What's the charm?" He asked sheepishly, "So far you've just made a mess."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Use your head, Wormtail! Look at the size of my bag and look at the amount of books I just pulled out! That's not all-" he stopped talking and then pulled out, "made sure to pack my handy dandy hat stand."

"You stole a bloody hat stand?!" Remus hissed but even he couldn't hide the smile from his face, "Where's it from?"

Sirius winked, "Just borrowing it, Moony... from Slughorn's office. Anyway... who wants to learn the charm?"

That charm was your second favourite thing you learned at Hogwarts, the first was the charm that Lily taught you afterwards to keep your luggage or bag or whatever you were carrying light, never weighing more than a pound. You lay your trunk on one of the tables, opening it taking out the various instruments you'd carefully packed away. You put them in the instruments cupboard, you'd sort it another day, but just now you wanted to go to your room.

Your office was in the room adjacent to the classroom and then in the room attached to that was your living area. A small bedroom complete with a double bed, a wardrobe, a chest of drawers and then attached was a small kitchen and a bathroom. Your living space was small but more than enough. Your office was a desk, a chair and a few potted plants. There was a bookshelf with various books, a couch and a couple of tables and empty units. You would put your personal record player in here and also have one in the classroom but you would unpack your personal belongings soon. You sat on the bed as you looked around. You could hardly believe that this was your life now, that you were here once again... not only could you not believe that you were here again but so was Remus.

Remus.

You sat upright. He was already here, you knew he'd be in his classroom unpacking and getting ready for the term ahead. A bubble of nervousness suddenly appeared in your stomach as you stood and looked in the mirror that was on the wall. You looked tired but that was to be expected after a five hour journey. You smoothed out your hair and robes before leaving your classroom.

Defence Against the Dark Arts was on the third floor, you remembered exactly what it had once looked like. It was one of your favourite classes when you were a student, it was just fun learning new things and getting to practice magic.

It was then that you noticed someone familiar walking towards you. Inwardly you groaned but you plastered a smile on your face, "Fancy meeting you here, Severus."

Snape sneered at you, "(y/n)... How delightful." He had aged horribly. The same greasy hair, the same large pointed nose, the same dark beady eyes and the same scowl. It seemed he permanently scowled judging by the wrinkles on his forehead. In school, Snape was awful. He was rude, judgemental, bigoted and a bully. And yes, you would then agree that James and Sirius bullied him too but Severus had called his old best friend, Lily Evans, a mudblood and then acted as though he hated her whilst still pining over her. You just didn't like him and Snape, well, Snape didn't like anybody, "I just ran into the werewolf. Already asking me to concoct potions for his... time of the month." Always a cheap shot to make a joke about Remus's time of the month. It was Sirius's favourite thing to do once upon a time.

You nodded, "That's good of you to do that for him. I'm sure he appreciates it."

Snape looked at you displeased, "Obviously."

"Okay, great seeing you, Sev," you said quickly, needing away from him, "let's catch up soon?"

Snape scoffed, "No thank you."

"Ah," you said, patting his shoulder as you moved past him, "you've not changed at all, Sev. Always a pleasure!" Snape looked pissed off as you scampered past him but let's face it, he always looked pissed. You shuddered as you walked away. Fourteen years later and he still creeped you out.

You could hear chatter approaching and you realised that it was the students returning from their summer holidays, coming back to school. You straightened your robes one final time as you walked down the staircase to meet handfuls of older students who were walking up the stairs. You greeted them happily and most of them gave you at least a smile back. As you continued down the steps you saw-

"James?"

Your heart was in your throat, beating hard, as your stomach dropped. You stopped in the middle of the staircase as a young boy, third or fourth year, walked towards you. At the mention of his father's name, his head snapped to you. It was like looking through a window into the past. His hair was just as dark and just as messy. His grin was just as cheeky. He wore the same full moon glasses but his eyes... those were Lily Evans's eyes. You caught a glimpse of the lightening bolt scar on his forehead.

"Sorry, Harry, right?" You asked forcing yourself to smile, "I'm sorry, you just look so much like your father but-"

"I have my mother's eyes," Harry said with a nod and a smile, "Did you know them Professor...?"

"Oh (y/n). (y/n) (y/l/n). I'm the new Muggle Music Professor," you introduced yourself to him and his two, what you assumed to be, friends, "I was really good friends with your mother and father actually."

Harry's eyes lit up. All that poor boy wanted was to know about his parents, "You were? Professor do you think you could tell me about them?"

You stepped aside to let some other students pass, "Of course. Any time at all. My class is on the fifth floor, feel free to drop by whenever. How about we get settled in today and later this week you could come by? Bring your friends too if you wish," you gave a polite smile to Ron and Hermione, "Professor Lupin was also good friends with your parents, that's where I'm off to just now. To say hello to an old friend." Old friends and new starts.

The girl stuck out her hand which you shook gladly, "Hermione. Hermione Granger and this is Ronald Weasley."

The red haired boy rolled his eyes, "No one calls me Ronald, it's Ron, Hermione."

"All of us are taking Muggle Music actually so we'll be in your class." Hermione told you ignoring Ron.

"Yeah after you forced us to take your boring class-" Ron stopped realising that he was insulting your subject to your face, "I'm sorry, I'm sure it's not boring-" His cheeks turned bright pink, as did the tips of his ears.

You laughed, "That's alright. I assume it probably was boring but that'll change now that I'm here, I assure you, Ron. Anyway, I best let you three go to your Common Room and settle in. Come see me whenever you wish, all of you."

"Professor?" Harry said as you went to walk away, "You said Professor Lupin was a friend of my parents?" You nodded, explaining that you'd all been best friends at their age, "Do you think he would come too and tell me about my parents?"

You smiled, "I think that he'd love that, Harry. I'll say to him and we'll arrange something, alright?" You nodded at them once more before disappearing down the stairs and along the corridor. You hadn't seen Harry since he was a baby and goodness he was James's double just with Lily's eyes. Lily's lovely kind eyes. They'd be so proud. You had been so preoccupied you hadn't realised your feet had already taken you to the DADA classroom until you had stopped outside it and there he was. He was unpacking a box of trinkets onto his desk.

"Rem," you said quietly but his keen ears heard your voice and he stopped.

He raised his head and a wide smile grew on his face, "(y/n)," he said back, just as soft, "What are you doing here?"

"Gone and got myself a job. I'm the new Muggle Music Professor." Remus smiled. He knew about your love for Muggle music. It was something the two of you bonded over since Remus's mother was a Muggle too.

All the nerves you'd had about seeing him again vanished as he welcomed you into his arms. You forgot how tall he was, how he still towered over you. Your head was on his chest as you breathed deeply. He smelled the same; coffee and chocolate. A scent that was so comforting to you, so warm and friendly; he smelled like home. You liked that no matter how much time passed, he was still the same dorky Remus you once knew.

He pulled back, holding you at arms length to drink you in, "You look incredible."

You grinned, thanking him as your cheeks burned furiously. Life had not been kind to him, you could tell from the tattered clothes and the beaten up trunk in the corner. He looked in dire need of a sleep but he was still handsome, a little wearier and gaunt with a few extra wrinkles but those warm, honey brown eyes were the same. His scars were more silvery now, like his hair which was still light brown but had greys scattered amongst. He was still as handsome as you remembered but your heart panged knowing that life hadn't been as kind to him.

"So do you," you said with a smile.

Remus rolled his eyes, "Oh, hush," he laughed, "How have you been?"

You nodded, "Uh, yeah, good... Yeah. You?" Now it was time for the awkwardness to come.

Remus shrugged, "Can't complain now that I'm here."

"I met Snape," you told him after a moment of pregnant pause. You recounted the whole encounter, making Remus laugh loudly at how you ended the conversation.

"Bet he's gone off to dip his cloaks in detergent now that you've touched him."

"Still won't wash his hair though, will he?" You teased making Remus laugh again. That booming loud laughter that you loved to hear when you were sixteen.

When the laughter died down, you said, "Have you seen him yet? Harry, I mean." You sat on one of the tables and Remus sat on the one across from you.

He nodded, "Uncanny, isn't it?"

"I called him James. It was like looking into the past but with-"

"Lily's eyes."

You smiled, "They'd be so proud, wouldn't they?"

Remus sighed fondly, a ghost of a smile on his lips, "Oh you know that wherever they are Prongs is bragging all about their Chosen One of a son." You laughed and Remus's smile grew upon hearing your laughter. He'd missed hearing that sound.

"I missed you," he murmured, "I apologise for not being a very good friend."

You shook your head, "I'm sorry too... It was just too painful, Rem. It hurt to see you after... after losing everyone else, after Sirius." Remus nodded, "It still hurts even twelve years later. To see you was to not see them; a constant reminder that they're gone and that we're still here..."

"Survivor's guilt," Remus spoke quietly, "I'd went to therapy when I could afford it... That's what she called it." The two of you were silent for a while before he spoke, "And apparently Sirius is back to kill the last of the Potters'..."

"What happened?" You sighed, "How could he?"

Remus shook his head, "I've been asking myself that since it happened."

You sat up straighter, nudging his knee with your foot, "When I ran into Harry I'd told him that I was close with his parents, said that you were too... He's asked if we could both sit with him and tell him about his parents. The poor boy just wants to know who they were. Would you?"

"Course," Remus said, "Just let me know when and where."

You looked around the classroom. It was still pretty much the same as you remembered it to be just with added decoration on the ceiling, "It's not changed much," your voice was quiet, "it's nice to be back."

Remus stood and extended his hand to you, "Would you like to go do some exploring?"

You took his hand as you grinned, jumping down from the desk, "Oh, I'd love nothing more. Lead the way, Moony!"

And all of a sudden the two of you were sixteen again running around the corridors of Hogwarts keeping your friends in line.

"You're my best friend," Remus said, words slurred from the firewhisky. You were all laying on the floor in the Room of Requirement. James and Sirius were snoring loudly, Peter was hiccupping in a corner and you and Rem were on the floor facing each other, "I fancy you but you're my best friend first and forever." You giggled as he continued, "Don't ever leave me, I'd miss you too much, (y/n)."

As you walked with him, with the memory repeating in your mind, you couldn't help but latch onto his arm, head on his shoulder. His cheeks tinged pink as you did this so casually. Maybe things hadn't changed that much. Maybe things would be like how they once were. "I missed you, Remus... I think good things are in store for us both this year."

Oh please be right.

#one shot #os #reader #reader insert #hp #harry potter imagine #harry potter one shot #prompt #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin #imagine #moony #hogwarts #sirius black #lily evans #james potter

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alloftheimaginesblog · 9 months

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an old friend, a new start part iii {r. lupin}

plot: Fourteen years after graduating Hogwarts, you’re offered a job to be the new Muggle Music Professor. Funnily enough, your old friend, Remus Lupin, is also offered a new job at Hogwarts that year.

in this chapter: remus tries to make amends

character: remus lupin x female reader

PART ONE, PART TWO

Days had passed since the full moon - since you had confided your feelings in Remus and he had rejected you - and you had been hiding away in your office for the last two days. To be perfectly truthful, you were hideously embarrassed. You had put your heart on the line and Remus had crushed it far too easily.

At first, you'd been angry. You'd been so angry, hating how cowardly he was, hating how Snape had been right about him, hating that he didn't mirror your feelings. Soon, that anger turned to shame. Then shame turned to sadness. Had you just lost your best friend? Had you just thrown your oldest friendship away? Sadness turned to quiet denial. Maybe Remus was right. Maybe you had let yourself get carried away in a childhood crush and being here, being back in Hogwarts with him... Maybe he was right.

You didn't really know where to go from here. You didn't know if you could show your face in front of Snape or even worse, Remus. What would you say? Oh hi Remus, yeah I'm just fantastic after I poured my heart out to you and you just tore up my heart like it was paper! I'm great. You wondered if he would even speak to you. The things he'd said... You'd put it down as false words but the more you repeated his words in your head the more you started to believe them.

"We are colleagues. Nothing more."

Was he right?

It was on Monday morning that you had to be a little bit braver, you had classes after all. You went down for breakfast at 6.30am on the dot. You'd even went so far as to bring a small basket. Not wanting to risk an awkward run in, you thought it best to fill your basket and take it back to your class to eat before lessons began.

You hadn't been counting on Remus already being in the Great Hall though.

Your heart skipped a beat. There were a few handfuls of students but as for adults it was just you and Remus. You avoided his gaze as you walked towards the teachers table, jaw clenched as you tried you absolute hardest to be nonchalant but from the way your eyes darted to him every few steps and your racing heart, it was obvious that you weren't doing as good a job as you wanted. No, he wasn't right and how dare he convince you that he was! You weren't just colleagues. Anger bubbled in your stomach as you drew closer and closer to him.

"Good morning, Professor Lupin," you said tightly with a forced smile as you began to pluck some breakfast pastries from the teacher's table and put them in your basket.

As much as you tried to hide it, he noticed the tremble of nervousness in your hand and the feathering in your clenched jaw. Lupin's heart ached, "(y/n)..." The sound of his voice made you tense up, frozen in place as your heart thudded in your chest, "I- We need to talk. I-" He swallowed, "I didn't mean what I said."

There was the anger again. You scoffed, "Well you said it, didn't you? Must've been some truth behind it."

Your anger was to be expected. Remus was actually surprised that you hadn't hexed him, "Please let me explain, come we'll take breakfast and go to my classroom and I'll explain. Please."

"Oh I hardly think that's appropriate for colleagues, Professor Lupin," your voice dripped with venom like a snake puncturing right through to his heart, "we wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression or have them think that we're acting like children, now would we?"

You didn't give him a chance to explain as you turned on your heels and sped away, the croissant in your hand squished and crumbling due to your anger. You shoved it in your basket then shoved right past Snape who had witnessed from afar your tense exchange with Remus. He had a smirk which screamed 'I told you so' but you pushed past and hurried back to your class.

Remus watched you go and released a long breath, "Oh, Prongs," he whispered hopelessly, "how do I fix this?" He knew that if James were here, he would've sorted him out but alone... Remus had no idea what to do. Would he really rather lose you completely as opposed to letting you in?

Severus breezed past him, "I see that went well," he muttered as he sat a few seats down from Remus who turned on him with narrowed eyes, "Your other half seems rather upset with you Remus... Something wrong?"

"What do you know?"

Severus shrugged but the smirk on his face said it all, "I know only that you are a coward. I told Professor (y/l/n) that too but obviously, she didn't heed my advice." Remus growled and without another word, he stood abruptly and stormed out of the Great Hall.

Severus smiled as he took a sip of his tea.

For the next week, all you felt was anger. You were so unbelievably annoyed at him. You couldn't understand why or how he could say such horrible things to you. You were his best friend and all of a sudden because he got a little uncomfortable with adult feelings he had just pushed you away? It just didn't make sense to you.

Of course, you'd told Minerva all about over a cup of chamomile tea as she could tell you needed all the calming remedies you could get, "So how long has it been since you spoke to him?"

"A week."

"And you've not heard his side of the story?"

You frowned, "His side?!" You exclaimed, "Minerva, come on!"

Minerva rolled her eyes, "I think, my dear, what you need is some tough love." You blinked, "Yes, what he did was wrong and hurtful and your anger is certainly justified-"

"Thank you."

"But-"

"But?!"

Minerva gave you a pointed look which you knew to be a warning to stop interrupting her, "But," she continued, "have you ever considered his perspective of things?" You were silent and she smirked slightly, "He lost everyone he cared about, including you when your friendship fizzled. He had no one after that. He barely got by and he didn't form any sort of relationship or friendship with anyone else. For twelve years, whilst you lived your life probably experienced love and lots of friendships am I right?-" you gave a small nod, "he didn't. So how hard do you think it would be for you if after twelve years of pure isolation you were thrust back together with a former friend? Despite how he feels, this is all so new again to him, it's a new and unnatural and..." She trailed off, expecting you to finish the sentence.

Your facial expression had softened significantly and McGonagall sat back in her chair taking a long sip of tea as she smiled triumphantly, "He's scared."

McGonagall hummed as she swallowed her tea, "Wouldn't you be?" Her voice was soft, "So yes, while he is indeed in the wrong for saying those things to you, it came from a place of fear not hatred. He's protecting himself and protecting you... I think he deserves to say his piece to you, do you not agree?"

You sighed, "Yeah... I... I hadn't thought about that." It was true, you'd been wrapped in your bubble of anger, furious that he did this but not trying to understand why, "You're right, Minerva. I need to go talk to him. Talk not shout."

As you left Minerva's office, your stomach flipped uncomfortably. You hated being wrong, you hated having to swallow your pride it just wasn't a pleasant experience. You checked your watch for the time and realised that Lupin would be teaching his third years soon so you hurried along and up various staircases to get to his classroom. You didn't know what you were going to say but you knew that you were going to listen.

Remus was inside his classroom shuffling through various essays his students had written him when you knocked on his door. He didn't hide his surprise at all, "(y/n)," he said, voice quiet, "What are you doing here?" He truly thought that you would never speak to him again.

"I wanted to apologise for-"

He cut you off, "You have nothing to apologise for. I was so out of order and so monstrous to you. I apologise. I am so deeply, truly sorry. I never meant it." He was being sincere, you could tell by his eyes, "I-" he had so much that he wanted to say but the clock chimed and he knew students would be arriving soon. He cursed which made you smile slightly, "I've got a lesson just now," he thought for a second then suggested, "why don't you stay for it? It's just my third years and we're just going to be fighting a Boggart." He gestured over to the wardrobe that stood in the middle of the class, "It shouldn't take too long. We can speak afterwards-" because I have so much I want to tell you, he thought.

You nodded, "Okay," you agreed quietly.

As students began to filter in, you smiled as various greeted you. Harry, Hermione and Ron all seemed positively happy that you were here. You let Remus tell his class what they'd be doing, teaching them how to use the Riddikulus spell to change the Boggart. You were perched on a stool to the side of the class, watching him with curious eyes. He was a natural at this. He was so good at teaching, at holding the attention of the young students. He was so clever and he was using that for good; to teach and help students learn. You caught yourself smiling like a schoolgirl at him and quickly forced yourself to remain straight faced but as you looked at the students you saw Hermione look at you with a knowing smile.

"Okay, ready and-" Remus opened the wardrobe door brandishing... Snape?

Your head whipped to who's Boggart it was and you understood. Poor Neville Longbottom. You'd heard first hand how cruel Snape could be to the quiet boy so his fear was understood. Neville used the Riddikulus to transform Snape's robes into his grandmother's clothing. It was you who gave the loudest laugh in that classroom. Neville grinned at you. Ron Weasley was up next turning a spider to a spider on skates. The class continued until it got to Harry and you stood up realising what his worst fear could be. Would it be Voldemort? If so, that wasn't something you wished the class would see. The Boggart twisted to become a large dark Dementor, floating towards him, its bony fingers extended to him. It truly was a wretched thing. Harry blanched and you moved forwards-

But Remus was quicker.

He slid in front of Harry with ease and the Dementor twisted and transformed into...

The whole class gasped.

It was you. You on the ground dead beneath a large white full moon. Your hand covered your mouth, breath trembling beneath them as your heart thudded in your chest. You dying was Remus's worst fear. You put the puzzle together Remus's true worst fear was killing you on a full moon. He did care for you.

Remus snapped a loud, "Riddikulus!" and the moon blew up like a balloon, your image fading from view, and then began to release all of the air from it, flying around the room until Remus used his wand to throw it back inside the wardrobe. You were still staring at the space where your body had been lying. Remus's cheeks were scarlet as he quickly muttered a dismissal to his students but they were unmoving and when you looked at them, you found them all staring back at you. They were all shocked minus one Hermione Granger who was smiling.

"I said class dismissed!" Remus exclaimed, "Out with you all, go!" There was a tenseness to his voice that rarely appeared so upon hearing it, the class scampered. The whispers and murmurs were loud as they all left and then, there was silence.

Remus had his back turned to you, breathing deeply, and you could see that his ears were still scarlet. For a moment, neither of you moved. It was you who broke the silence by stepping forwards and saying quietly, "We'll be the talk of the school now..." It was a pathetic attempt at a joke.

Remus swallowed, "I suppose you might believe that I truly didn't mean anything I said that night now."

"I always knew," you said, "I just didn't understand why you said then in the first place but I do now."

His shoulders sagged and he turned to you, cheeks still a rosy pink, "And what do you think?" He eyed you curiously.

"You're scared. I thought it before I entered this class and now I know it to be true. You're scared to let me in... You're scared in case you hurt me." He gave a barely noticeable nod. You were right, "I understand how isolated you've been over the last twelve years and I know that it's hard to trust other people and yourself. I know how difficult it is to open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt or in your case, getting someone else hurt but... I trust you, Remus. I always have. Do you think you could trust yourself too?"

"It's not quite as easy as that, (y/n)."

"Remus..." You wanted so desperately to cry but that would achieve nothing so instead, you swallowed the lump in your throat and tried to tell him just how much you cared for him, "who was the one person you confided being a wolf to? The rest of the boys figured it out themselves but you... you told me. Why was that? Why for six months was I the only one who knew?"

"I have something to tell you; something that kills me every day of my life. I'm so ashamed of it and I swore to never tell anyone but- but I feel safe with you. I trust you and I trust that you won't judge me as harshly as others might. You're the one person I truly trust, (y/n)."

Remus faltered, "Because... You were and you remain the one person I trust so wholly and completely." It was the truth.

"You've noticed that I get sick every month. I disappear for a few days and come back a very pale, exhausted version of myself... You always ask why, always concerned about me and I brush it off. There's a reason for that. There's a reason for it all."

A small smile pulled your lips upwards, "You know I trust you the same, too. I've never thought for a moment that you were a monster." Remus looked down, "You have never been a monster and you never will be, despite your condition and flaws and all. You're Remus. You're my Remus." You stepped closed to him and gently, so gently, your fingertips traced the long scar over his face, "My beautiful, silly Remus."

"I'm a werewolf, (y/n)." He couldn't look at you and instead focused on his hands which were clenched together in his lap, "That's what the scars are. I was attacked when I was younger and... every month, I turn."

You could see his jaw clench, the muscles feathering, as he swallowed hard, "Why won't you let yourself be happy, Rem?" You whispered. The way you looked up at him, doe eyed and lips pink and plump.

His eyes were closed, his heart hammering in his chest, as he waited for you to say something but all he heard was a shuffling sound. His heart sank thinking that you'd gotten up and left but he gasped when he felt your hands slide over and into his, slowly prying his fists open to hold his trembling hands.

To be honest, he didn't actually know why this was a hurdle that he couldn't get over. He didn't know why he found it so impossible to let the one person he loved into his life. He had a good reason to but you were here, offering your love to him... so why did he not want it?

"I trust you, Remus Lupin. I trust you first and forever."

A pained expression flashed over Remus's face. He was torn. Despite not meaning any of what he said because you weren't just colleagues, you were more, you had always been more. Remus Lupin was in love with you and he always had been but was he ready to admit that to you? Was he ready to fully admit it to himself? He didn't trust himself, didn't trust his condition and Remus thought so lowly of himself that he didn't understand how someone, especially someone like you, could love him. For the last twelve years, he hadn't let anyone else in. He hadn't trusted anyone, not even himself. He had long since forgotten what it was like to let someone in - fully in - and it terrified him. Remus's mouth opened as though he were going to tell you and god, as he stared into your eyes he really wanted to tell you but there was something in the way. Himself.

"(y/n)..." The way he spoke, the tone alone told you the answer. Quickly, you straightened and stepped back as your own walls built right back up, "I... I don't know what to say."

You forced a smile, shaking your head, "You don't have to say anything, Rem. It's fine." Your voice was too light, too breezy for the heaviness of the conversation.

Remus stepped closer but you stepped away immediately. You were pulling away from him, "I'm just- I'm not ready." It was the truth, he simply just wasn't ready yet and it broke your heart.

"I know," you nodded, giving him another smile yet this one was sad, "it's okay, seriously. I- Just- do you believe me when I say that I trust you and when I tell you that I- that I love you?"

Remus blinked, "I... I know that you care and you trust me somewhat but I don't think you realise the full potential of my-"

"Can I have a go?" You asked, sweeping past him as you gestured to the wardrobe which held the Boggart. Remus gave a confused nod. You opened the door and stepped back, allowing the Boggart the space to transform into... Remus Lupin dead on the floor. Remus took a deep breath, "It's been my boggart since we were in fourth year," you told him as you stared at the lifeless image of him on the floor. You swallowed hard, "it was during your transformation that we had the lesson. I threatened to hex the boys if they dared to tell you... Riddikulus!" The Boggart was forced back into the wardrobe.

"Why... Why did you show me?" Remus's voice was small.

You cleared your throat, "Because I need you to know how deeply I care about you. I need you to know that there is still one person alive on this Earth who thinks the world of you and always has. I need you to know that there is hope still left for you despite the loneliness. I'm not begging you to be with me, that's your choice and I'll respect it... I just need you to know that I am here and I am all in if you are. I..." You couldn't find the words and you desperately needed to prove to him that you were speaking the truth so you did the only thing you could think to do.

You kissed him.

It was soft and only lasted a second or two but it got the message across. With trembling hands, you pulled back and straightened your robes. Judging from the way a red hue crept up Remus's neck to his face and ears, you presumed the message got across. You whispered a goodbye before you left the classroom, heart racing and head spinning. It was your last chance to prove to him that you loved him, that you cared enough to have him flaws and all.

Remus sank into a chair after you'd gone, eyes focused on the spot where the Boggart had transformed into his dead body as his fingertips brushed his lips gently.

The handful of times that you'd seen Remus in the following week, the atmosphere was rather tense and awkward. Despite the two of you agreeing to just be friends, there always seemed to be an elephant in the room; unspoken words always on the tip of your tongue. So honestly, the two of you had been avoiding each other just a little bit.

That was, until, Harry Potter asked Remus if he could learn more about his parents again.

"Can I have another look at the photos you have, Professor?" Harry asked you as he sat forwards on his seat.

You already had it looked out, it was in your desk drawer so you pulled it out and handed it to him. For a few minutes, there was silence as Harry looked through the photo album. You evaded your eyes from the photo of you and Remus as Harry flicked by it. Remus glanced over at you, taking notice that your eyes were set on staring out of the window and not at anything that reminded you of him. His heart panged. It was all his fault and he just wanted to make everything okay again.

"What was he like?" Harry asked curiously.

"Your father was-"

The boy cut Remus off, "No, not my dad... Black. Sirius Black. What was he like before he went dark?"

It was you who answered. Remus was rather shocked by the question, unable to answer or even comprehend an answer, "Harry, I don't want to upset you or make you feel a certain type of way because when we were at Hogwarts, Sirius and your father were the absolute best of friends. I think hearing the good things about Sirius might upset you more than you realise."

Harry frowned, "I just..." He shook his head, "I don't understand how his supposed best friend could betray them, it just doesn't make sense to me."

"Nor us," Remus agreed softly, "Believe me, Harry, I've gone over it again and again in my head. I've thought of our seven years at Hogwarts searching for the slightest glimmer of darkness but... I've never found any."

Harry looked to you, hopeful that you could give him something but you shook your head, "For twelve years, Harry, I've been trying to figure it out."

Harry thought for a moment before sighing, "Well, what was he like anyway?" You asked if he was sure to which he nodded.

"He was the thing that kept us all together, I think. From the word 'go' him and James were the best of friends, thick as thieves. If there was trouble, oh you just knew it started with James and Sirius and ended with me and Remus cleaning up the pieces with Peter running behind us." Remus smiled slightly at your words, "I am so sorry that I can't give you the answer as to why he turned bad, Harry."

"Do you hate him?" Harry asked all of a sudden, "I hate him. I hate him for how he betrayed them. And all the while being my godfather!"

Your eyes widened, "Who told you that?"

Remus frowned at the boy who realised that he'd said too much and slunk back into his seat, "I overheard Professor McGonagall and Fudge talking about it." Harry admitted, "It's true then?"

Remus nodded, "Yes... Sirius Black is your godfather, Harry, and that's why Dementors are here and why Dumbledore's inflicted a strict curfew. They think Black's back to kill you, finish the Potter bloodline once and for all."

He repeated the question, eyes boring into yours for some reason, "Professor (y/n), do you hate him?"

Your stomach flipped uncomfortably. This was something you'd wrestled with for years, "I love the version of Sirius that I knew. The boy who could always make me laugh, who was fiercely protective of his friends - he hexed the first boy who broke my heart you know - the boy who would pull me up to dance around the Common Room. He was brilliant. I love those memories I have of him... But the Sirius Black that I knew would never do what he did to James, Lily, Peter and yourself. That's... That's not my Sirius Black. I don't know what happened to my - our Sirius," you gave Remus a look, "but I hate what he became. I hate that he did that to his best friends. I hate him for what he did, yes."

Harry seemed satisfied with your answer, "Can I hang onto this for a while?" He asked, referring to the photo album, "I don't have many photos or anything of them and it would be-"

"Of course," you said with a soft smile, "I heard what happened at your Quidditch match on Saturday, how are you feeling?" You hadn't attended the match but it was the talk of the school. There had been a Dementor on the Quidditch pitch and it had caused Harry to fall from his broom. Dumbledore had made sure he landed safely but it didn't mean he was completely unhurt.

Harry nodded, "I'm alright. I just... I don't know why Dementors affect me so much. I wish there was a way to stop them."

Remus opened his mouth and you looked to him with a smile, "Well, Harry, there is a spell that casts them away," Remus said softly, "and I would be more than happy to teach you it."

Harry beamed, "Really?"

"He's the best teacher for it," you said to Harry with a warm smile.

"It's not the easiest of spells to conjure so it will take a lot of practice." Harry agreed eagerly with everything Remus was telling him, "And I think it best to not tell anyone about learning it, you know how people can be, I think we keep it between us." Again, Harry nodded, "Why don't you come to my office tomorrow after your last class before dinner, we can practice then?"

"Thank you, Professor."

Harry asked a few more questions about parents, things that no one else would be able to tell him. What was my dad's favourite subject? Did my mum get good grades? What was the wedding like? Was my dad good at Quidditch? What did they want to work as? And after another twenty minutes, you bid goodnight to Harry who scampered off clutching the photo album with everything he had.

Remus hovered in your office as you washed the teacups in the kitchen next door. He noticed you had another photo album laying on the table. Curiously, he picked it up and started to flick through it. It was photos of your life after Hogwarts, after James and Lily's deaths, after Peter's death and Sirius's imprisonment... after him. There were various faces, none of which he knew or recognised, but he with every turn of the page his curiosity only grew larger. Photos of you posing at monuments, photos of you laughing with a dark haired woman and blonde woman, photos of you drinking Firewhisky and then he stopped turning when he hit the next section, photos of you with a dark haired very handsome man. There were lots of photos of you and him. Photos where he smiled at you, eyes full of love, photos of you laughing with him, head thrown back as you grinned at the sky, photos of the two of you dancing in the moonlight... a photo of you kissing him and pulling away to grin at the camera. It hurt him knowing how much of a good life you had that he wasn't a part of. He didn't know why it hurt so much to see you happy, to see you living; to see you in love. But my god, it felt like his insides were being torn out through his chest. He hadn't been a part of your life for so long and it hurt knowing that. It hurt knowing that for a decade, you had moved on. You had loved.

You walked through from the kitchen and back to your office where you saw him, photo album in his hands. You raised your eyebrows, surprised that he was going through it but not upset or annoyed. You walked over, seeing the photos he was on, "That was from a rather... odd time in my life."

Remus looked up slightly startled, "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

You shook your head, sitting on the edge of the desk beside him, "That's Ren," you said, pointing at the man who you had seemed so happy with, "I met him through..." you flipped a few pages back and pointed at the dark haired girl in your photos, "Rei. I met her about two years after we lost contact. I had gone travelling around the world to try and force myself to forget about James and Lily. I met Rei and Grace the other girl in the photo. The three of us travelled together for a few months and then Ren joined us, he's Rei's twin brother. They were all Muggles, never knew anything about wizards or magic and I never told them."

Remus's jaw clenched. Somehow knowing his name, personifying him made him feel so much worse.

"Our relationship developed really quickly. He was going back home in two months so the two of us wanted to experience as much as we could together. It all happened very quickly, very heavy... He asked me to come back home with him, move with him, told me that he loved me, he wanted to marry me."

"And- And you didn't want to?"

You shook your head, "I was running from my past. I was caught up in this dream. When he told me that he loved me, the illusion shattered." Remus asked what you meant, "For two years, I jumped from thing to thing to distract myself from the loss of our friends and that's what I'd been doing. Travelling with barely any money, taking up odd jobs here and there to make enough to get me to a new city, making random friends and travelling with them for a while. When I met Ren, he was... fun. He was safe, you know? He made me feel good about myself but... I was using him to forget about everything else in my life. I had lied about everything, who I was, where I came from, what I did for a living... The only true thing I told him was my name. The next day, I came home. Moved back in with my parents. Got a job in a pub and tried to heal."

Remus's face softened.

"It took a while for me to save up enough to move out. I worked in the pub and did tutoring for all sorts of instruments on the side. Took years for me to have a decent night's sleep without dreaming about Sirius, James and Lily..." You plucked another photo album from your desk, "This album was the subsequent years until now." You flicked through it, "I tried to focus on finding joy again." You pointed to a picture, "Bought a shop, turned it into a music shop. Tutoring on the side still, offerings lessons in-shop as well."

Remus was fascinated. He wasn't jealous or angry now knowing the real story of what happened with Ren, now he was just curious.

"Built that up. Still have it, I have someone running it for me just now whilst I'm here. When I saw the advertisement for a Muggle Music teacher here... I jumped at the chance. I'm sure you did the same. I had removed myself from the Wizarding World pretty much because again it was all too painful but when I saw the job come back, I thought that coming back would be the final step in my healing journey."

"And has it been?"

You frowned, taking the two photo albums and tucking them away, "I don't think the healing process is ever truly done. Seeing you again, being back in Hogwarts with you again... it's done a lot of good for me, honestly but that doesn't mean it's been easy. Healing isn't linear... might not ever be done healing."

"Do you regret coming back?"

You shook your head, "Not at all. I reconnected with my best friend and I get to spend time with James's son... Absolutely no regrets."

Remus felt rather ashamed that he'd gotten so jealous over looking at your photos with a former lover. It hurt him in ways it shouldn't because you were here, you'd been offering him the chance of happiness and he had rejected you multiple times so truly, he had no right to be jealous over it.

"I..." He frowned, unsure where to start, "After James and Lily, I pulled away from you when I should've clung to you. I was scared, honestly. Scared of losing the last person I loved... I tried to slot into the Muggle world too but it wasn't too kind to me. I couldn't keep steady employment when you know of my condition. After a few months of me steadily phoning in sick for a week at a time every four weeks, I usually ended up being sacked. I barely had enough money for my rent and for food so I had no chance of making Wolfsbane to aid me... My mother had passed but I didn't dare go back home to my father despite how happy he was to see me. I couldn't endanger him so my only choice was to take odd jobs. Jobs that were far below my level of skill and expertise but I had to."

He clicked his tongue, "Sometimes I'd pop into Diagon Alley and would find some Wizards who needed help clearing out a Boggart or things like that so would do that but most of the time it was jobs like cleaning a pub, helping out at a farm, deliveries... Mostly that sort of thing... I had seen the Defence post being advertised each year and it was Dumbledore himself actually who sought me out this year. He convinced me to come... There were a lot of times where I hadn't enough money for the basic necessities. I still don't, as you can see by my clothes and belongings. Everything I own is second hand and in tatters." He felt ashamed again. Shame burned hot on his face and in the pit of his stomach. Poor, penniless Remus his mind taunted, "In twelve years, you seem to have accomplished a lot and I have accomplished very little." Remus continued, "That's part of the reason I cannot be with you. Aside from being a werewolf, I have nothing to my name. I'm poor and I can't give you the life you deserve... that and I could maul you at any full moon." The last part was said with some form of bitter humour.

Your heart ached for him, "Just because you have less that a person does not mean that you are less than them," you reminded him gently, taking his cold hand and grasping it tightly in your own, "Penniless or not, Rem, that's not why I care the way I do about you." For a moment, hope surged inside him warming the coldest cockles of his heart but quickly, he extinguished that hope, sliding his hand from yours. You tried not to let the action hurt you or - at the very lease - try not make it obvious that it did.

The two of you had experienced completely different experiences in the last twelve years. One had gone off, making a better life for themselves and in some respects had been rather successful and the other had suffered, barely skimming by. Yet neither of you were entirely different people. Yes, Remus's face was tired with more lines and a weary look in his eye. He wasn't as brave as he once was, he was isolated but you knew that your Remus was still in there, you would often catch glimpses of him every so often. You were just as outspoken as you once were though you were angrier, less happy. Remus noticed that when you concentrated on something you always frowned whereas before your eyebrows would raise in wonder. Different but not completely. Partly a stranger, partly familiar. It was a weird sort of limbo the two of you were caught in.

Remus swallowed and cleared his throat after a few minutes of silence, "I should go." You let him go and once he was gone, you found yourself closing your eyes, fingertips dancing over your other palm as you tried your hardest to retain the details of how his hand felt in yours.

Remus stood outside your classroom, heart beating like a drum. Remus had always been a very level-headed person, always listening to his head and never to his heart but tonight was different. His mind whirred with ideas, questions, thoughts and fantasies that he couldn't stamp down. The light tendrils of hope that he had thought he extinguished reached out wrapping themselves around his heart and squeezing until it was almost all covered. His head fell back against the door of your classroom as he squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to fight his own compulsion.

"Bugger it to all Hell."

And then in not Remus Lupin fashion, he threw open your classroom door and marched towards your office with determined stomps. He didn't hesitate.

"You hesitate, Moony," James said with a shake of the head, "Every time there's an opportunity to tell Ghost, you hesitate!"

"What's wrong with hesitating?"

"You hesitate and it means you think and your brain is its own worst enemy! Don't hesitate, don't think... just do."

Remus opened your office door and found you were still perched on the edge of the desk, staring intently down at your hands with an unreadable expression. It took until Remus was halfway to you to realise that he was there.

"Rem?" You asked confused as you looked up at him, "What are you-"

Just do.

His hands, steady and warm, planted themselves on your cheeks and you barely had time to register the fact he was holding your face when he was kissing you. It was a bold, brave kiss and fireworks seemed to explode in your stomach. He was here. Your Remus. You melded into his touch, hands finding themselves clasping his shirt, you could feel his chest beneath it, feel his heart beating wildly under your fingers. The kiss was deep and passionate and Remus's body moved into yours, his leg between yours but the need for air was too great and all too soon, Remus had detached his lips from yours leaving you both breathless and rather flushed. His forehead fell to yours, pressing against it gently as you panted and then he pulled away slightly. His pupils were dilated and his skin had a rather healthy rosiness to it.

He opened his mouth and then he... hesitated and he began to think, "Goodnight, (y/n)," he whispered, breath fanning over your face before he completely pulled himself away from you leaving your office and your classroom rather hurriedly. You stayed staring at the place where his face had been, happy and rosy, as your fingers moved to your lips feeling the ghost of his on yours as you tried to comprehend what had just happened.

Remus's face burned scarlet the whole walk two floors down to his classroom and when he got there, he cast the locking charm so that no one could bother him. He went straight to his office and through to the adjoining bedroom where he collapsed onto the bed, hands over his face as he tried to calm his drumming heart.

It took a long time for you to wrap your head around the events of the last few minutes with Remus. Yes, you had kissed him the previous week but this was different. This was Remus kissing you. This was Remus finally allowing himself to feel for you, letting his heart take over for a change. This was entirely different. Your hands shook with excitement as you got dressed for bed and when you finally settled beneath the duvet, your mind reeled with questions of what would be.

Remus stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep, as his mind berated him over and over. He felt stupid. He felt silly for letting his heart take over. With a loud groan, he stood up, dressing back into his outdoor clothes. A walk, he decided firmly, a walk to calm the nerves. Memories of ghosts past continued to creep up on him.

"Moony, you seriously have got to stop thinking!" Sirius hissed to him as he joined the two boys by the fireplace in the Common Room, "You just have to tell her how you feel."

"What if she doesn't feel the same?" Remus asked with a pointed look to James who threw himself back dramatically with his arms in the air in an exasperated show, "I'm-"

"I'll hex you if the next word to leave your mouth is 'dangerous' or 'a monster'," James snarled before his face softened, "Moony, we know for a fact she likes you."

"(y/n)'s bloody told us before you dolt!" Sirius scowled, "You're a Gryffindor, Moony, use some of that lion courage and tell her."

Remus's mind was made up and he slunk into the red armchair, "But I'm not a lion, am I? I'm a wolf."

His two best friends exchanged tired looks, "But if you never tell her, if you never take the chance... Will you ever be truly happy?" It was James who spoke, "Will she ever be truly happy if the boy she adores never makes a move?"

"No, I suppose you're right," Remus said softly, "but... she'd be safe."

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