#hiding in the library to read books without people finding me lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jasntodds · 1 year

Text

Caving In [9]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 12,892

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, fluff, canon typical things, canon violence, it’s not explicitly said how jason knows about deathstroke so in my fic it’s public knowledge that aqualad was killed by deathstroke, mentions of blood, mentions of injuries, a little bit of angst

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: So, I did some math and figured out I’m almost done writing this?????? I have a backlog of chapters written, just not edited so that’s kind of insane lol I’m very excited about it because I have so many more plans!! This chapter picks up with season 2 episode 2!! I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 You can add yourself the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Over the next month, a routine develops for Gar and you. A few days of the week, Gar finds himself hiding out in your room. You were right, Dick, Jason, and Rachel don’t tend to bother him when he’s in your room. And you actually did make a sign that reads ‘keep out, ☠️’ and hung it on your door. It’s double-sided so the other side just says your name. You flip it around when Gar comes to escape and he finds it equally fun and sweet.

At first, you’d watch a movie or two and talk about whatever was bothering Gar. He’s gotten better at talking about it and it’s been a lot of him talking about Caulder House and his own nightmares of the day with Trigon’s bullshit. You didn’t know he had nightmares, too and you wonder how he hides it so fucking well. You’re not nearly as good at it as he is and you worry about him. You never want Gar to turn as bitter and calloused as you are about the world. He’s too good.

But, after the month, the talking and movies turned into something more comfortable. Gar will bring in one of his video game consoles. You will play with him sometimes but other times, you just like to watch. Gar likes Resident Evil and that’s a game you definitely prefer to watch. And Gar has his own collection of comics. You turned them down at first with not being a huge fan of reading, but after reading over Gar’s shoulder a few times, you got into The Walking Dead comics. Apparently, reading comics is a lot easier than reading a book. So, now it’s turned into Gar playing video games and you sitting with your legs on his lap, reading one of his comics in a comfortable silence, a joke here and there thrown around.

Training has also been going well for you. Your hands have healed and so have the rest of your injuries. You keep up well with Gar and Rachel now, the extra training sessions with Jason and Gar have helped significantly. And you’ve picked up knife throwing again, something you learned back in Gotham from one of the street kids you used to run with. You’re rusty and not a sharpshooter by any means, but it’s something. It eases some of the tension you feel in your shoulders.

When you can feel yourself wanting to lose it again because something brings back too many memories, you take Jason up on his offer to let you take it out on him. You’ll go for an extra sparring session sometimes, just the two of you and Jason helps you work through it without talking about it. It always makes you feel better and if you’re being honest, you really like the support system you have with the two boys. It’s something you never thought you’d have after your mom died but every day you’re so grateful for the two of them and even for Dick because he brought you here. That’s something you have no idea how you’ll ever be able to thank him for.

It’s a morning session now though and you’re in the training room with Gar and Jason while Rachel and Dick are out getting coffee. Dick has this bright idea to start blindfolding all of you to train because you can lose any of your senses at any time and you need to be prepared. Jason, of course, is really taking that to the next level by making Gar not have a blindfold while he does and making you sit out.

“Why do I have to sit out for this?” You fake-whine from one of the benches while Jason ties his blindfold behind his head and Gar stands in front of him looking bored.

“Because you have that combat shit. It defeats the purpose.” Jason snips back.

“Well, I don’t have to be blindfolded.” You mock him.

“Just shut up and watch us. Take some notes, you fucking need it.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Jay.” You groan, leaning back.

“When I give the word, come at me.” Jason says to Gar, holding his wooden sword out, ready to fight. “And don’t hold back.” He says, you rolling your eyes into the back of your head. Gar nods, looking bored and displeased with doing this. “Did you just nod?”

“Yeah, got it. Just, uh, don’t hold back.” Gar makes a jittered movement as if to be mocking Jason, you almost snicker from behind.

“Don’t kill each other please.” You mock.

“Shut up, Y/n!” Jason groans, tilting his head back. He takes a second to breathe as he gets into position. “Go!” Jason yells.

Jason swings the sword at Gar, but Gar just hits it out of the way while Jason’s sword is an inch from his face. Gar’s eyes widen a bit in shock and amazed, looking back at you. You make the same expression, humming in response. Gar pushes the sword from his face taking a step forward with a swing at Jason, only for Jason to move out of the way in time and jabs his sword across the front of Gar’s chest. Gar waves a hand in front of Jason’s face, making sure he can’t see anything. Gar gives you a questionable look and all you can do is shrug your shoulder just as confused as he is. Surely, Jason has to be able to see him because this is just weird. Jason talks about your combat clairvoyance, maybe he needs to look in the mirror. Jason pulls his sword back, Gar takes a step back and then the real sparring begins.

Jason and Gar move around the mat, blocking each other quickly. It’s definitely a sight to see because Jason might as well not be wearing a blindfold. Gar can’t get a single hit in and barely dodges Jason’s jabs. It’s as if they’re doing this perfectly choreographed dance. It’s equally entertaining, impressive, and attractive. The two boys sparing is always a big heart-eye moment for you. But, somewhere along the way, Jason seems to have lost track of his rhythm, completely flipping away from Gar, giving Gar the perfect opportunity to bonk Jason on the head with his sword. You start laughing while Jason rips his blindfold off, spinning around to face Gar.

“Hey, fuck man.” Jason gasps at Gar, clearly annoyed.

“You said don’t hold back.” Gar defends, you getting up from your bench to join the boys.

“What were you doing? I was fucking blindfolded!” Jason yells.

“You told him to do it!” You defend Gar. “He just tapped you on the head, chill the fuck out.” You can’t believe he’s actually mad about this. It was his idea to not have Gar wear a blindfold.

“Stay out of it!” Jason snaps, turning his attention back to Gar.

“You said:” Gar starts before he, poorly, mimics Jason’s voice with the same jittered motion as before. “Don’t hold back.”

“Should I get the hose?” Rachel comes strolling in.

“What’s going on?” Dick asks, following right behind.

“Jason’s being a baby.” You quip, crossing your arms as you stand on the other side of Gar.

“Hey, fuck you!” Jason’s eyes nearly bug out of his head as he snaps at you, Gar moving to block Jason’s view of you. Jason leans further forward to see you. “You could have warned me! Or fucking helped instead of doing nothing!”

“You told me not to!” You scream at him. “You said no because I have the combat thing.” You mock his voice, with a grimace before Gar stands further in the way to block you from Jason. He’s not sure who he’s trying to block from the other really, Jason is beet red and you look like you might strangle him.

“Um, hello?” Dick states, waiting for one of you to answer his previous question.

“We did what you said,” Jason turns his attention Dick. “The blindfold thing then he went nuts on me.”

You groan loudly, putting your hands on your face in frustration.

“He said don’t hold back.” Gar repeats, this time his voice louder and higher pitched, the annoyance growing.

“Then why do we even learn to fight like this, man?” Jason argues, throwing his arms to the sides. “Hey, it’s idiotic.” He takes a step forward, pointing at his head with wide eyes, almost a crazed look in his eye. “We have eyes.”

“In battle, anything can be taken from you.” Dick’s voice is calm as he walks further onto the mat. “Your hands.” Dick says before quickly twisting Jason’s arm and grabbing the wooden sword from him, making it look effortless. He moves to Gar, quickly using the sword to strike at Gar, Gar blocking a few times before Dick gets the sword right between Gar’s feet, just missing him. “Your feet.” Dick swings the sword at you, the sword aimed just a few centimeters from hitting you right between the eyes. You take a step back, eyes widening and crossed as you look at the sword. He swings the sword at Rachel, doing the same gesture. “And your eyes.” He pauses before stepping back, and putting the sword down. “No matter what is taken, you must be able to keep fighting and win.” Dick faces the boys and you again. “Alright, get changed. Attack scenarios in the tech room in five minutes. Then breakfast.”

You, Gar, and Rachel don’t argue and instead, leave the training room without another word, leaving Jason behind with Dick. This is a pretty normal thing. When training doesn’t go exactly how Jason wants it to, which is normally that he doesn’t win all the time, he gets mad and blames everyone else for it. This time, it’s just that it was Gar who wasn’t blindfolded. It’s gotten a little worse over the last month, Gar and you are pretty sure he’s just stir-crazy from being at the tower and not having any real crime to fight. He’s probably bored of sparring with you and not being in Gotham so the two of you let it go easily.

“Why does Dick sound like Daniel Larusso?” You ask as the three of you head down the hallway.

Rachel lets out a chuckle. “He literally sounds like Mr. Miogi.”

“He says we watch too much TV, maybe he needs to stop watching the Karate Kid and Cobra Kai.” Gar laughs.

“Maybe he doesn’t know what to do so he’s looking to them for inspiration.” You jokes.

“Someone should tell him it doesn’t work like that.” Rachel adds in.

“Awww, but it’ll just break little Dicky’s heart.” You mock, placing your hands over your heart with a fake pout.

“Yeah, I’m looking to be on his shitlist.” Gar chortles as the three of you reach your rooms.

“He would never put you on his shitlist.” Rachel scoffs, Gar raising a brow at her.

“He’s taken you right on under his little batwing.” You add in.

You joke about Dick but over the last month he’s grown on you quite a bit. He’s really not so bad when you’re not making him mad. He’s kind of making it obvious that he really wants to make sure you’re all ready before he sends you out on some type of mission. He can also even be funny sometimes and partake in jokes. He’s even joined all of you for a movie night so he’s grown on you but you have to poke fun.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Gar questions, looking between you and Rachel.

Rachel and you look to each other from across the hall. You shrug. “Well, I think we mean he’s really nice to you and sees you as responsible.”

“Yeah,” Rachel nods in agreement. “You always do what he says, besides that one time.” Rachel looks to you.

“Which was my fault so Dick didn’t fault you and probably admires your ability to risk getting into trouble with him to protect me and Jason.” You explain. “And it was just sparring.”

“That’s not true.” Gar defends. “I don’t always listen to him.”

You and Rachel exchange another look. “When was the last time you didn’t do what he said?” Rachel asks.

Gar stands for a second, trying to remember the last time he didn’t listen to Dick and as he thinks about it, you both have a point. He does do what Dick says all the time, without even questioning him. It’s who he is though. He exactly like to disobey authority. Sneaking out behind the Chief's back was different, this is Dick. And, every time someone has went against what Dick has said, shit hits the fan so maybe Gar is onto something.

“Okay, that’s fair.” Gar chuckles, looking to the floor and back to the two of you.

“It’s not a bad thing.” Rachel reassures him. “We’ll never be in trouble.”

“It’s not that bad being on his shitlist.” You state. “But, yeah, it’s not a bad thing. It’s probably better to not have him mad, though it is very fucking funny sometimes.” You gain a sinister grin.

“Okay, don’t listen to y/n.” Rachel rolls her eyes with a sigh. “It’s not funny and it’s best for everyone to not piss him off.”

“I haven’t pissed him off in like a whole week, that’s a record.” You hold your head up high, Gar chuckling under his breath.

“You are proud of that, aren’t you?” Gar asks.

“Kind of.” You giggle. “No, but really, Rachel is right. It is better not pissing him off, he’s kind of cool when he’s not mad.”

“Yeah, I’m not looking to make him mad anyway.” Gar shakes his head. “You and Jason have that handled.”

“They are very good at it.” Rachel mutters.

“Teamwork.” You grin.

“Okay, get changed.” Rachel cuts the conversation. “Otherwise he will be mad because we’ll be late.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You joke, walking into your room, Gar following your lead and heads into his room.

Later that night, the four of you found yourselves doing your own things. Gar and Jason made up while you found yourself in Rachel’s room. Rachel is sitting at her desk while you’re laying on Rachel’s bed, upside down with your head off the end of the bed, looking at Rachel. Usually, when the boys hang out, the two of you spend time together. You like to give Rachel shit for being Dick’s lap dog but you do like her and enjoy spending time with her. Rachel really likes having another girl around, the month she spent with boys was not the best. She loves them, besides Jason, but they’re a little much sometimes. Too much testosterone in one place for her liking.

“So, when do you think Dick will let us do something?” You ask, scrolling through your phone, keeping your head hanging off the end of the bed.

“Not you, too.” Rachel groans.

“What?” You question, moving your phone to get a better look at Rachel. Rachel just widens her eyes and raises her brows. “No, I mean, I’m just wondering. I’m not gonna go rogue again, I promise.” You roll your eyes, a smile coming to your lips.

“Mhm.” Rachel hums. “I don’t know. Do you really think we’re ready?”

“Oh, I mean I think I am.” You quip. “Ya know, given the track record.” You scoff. “Jason’s probably been ready in his entire life. You and Gar seem to be fine.”

“Yeah, but we don’t stand a chance against Dick even if it’s us four against him.”

“We could if he’d let us use our powers.” You wave your left hand at Rachel, your palm glowing green.

Rachel rolls her eyes. “I don’t have that kind of control, Y/n.”

“True,” You start, pulling yourself up and flipping around to lie on your stomach and face Rachel. “But, if he would let you use your powers maybe you’d gain some control.”

“That’s not how you did it, right?”

“No,” You scoff. “But, it’s probably different for you. You were born with them and your powers are clearly stronger than mine. Maybe not using them makes it worse.” You offer. “Your side.” Your words go hesitant.

Rachel’s eyes widen, surprise and a hint of panic consuming her face. “How did you--”

“Don’t freak out, but I saw them when we were sparring. I didn’t tell anyone or anything.” Your voice is nonchalant but understanding.

“Thank you.” Rachel’s voice is soft. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Sure.” You shrug. “What’d you wanna talk about?”

Rachel gains a cheeky smirk and you can already tell where this is going. “So…about the boys.” Rachel’s smile splits her face.

You let out a dramatic sigh. “Yes, Rachel?”

“What’s going on?” Rachel laughs.

“Whatever do you mean?” You play dumb, an innocent smile playing on your lips.

You know Rachel isn’t oblivious. You tend to flirt with both of them and you are almost always with at least one of them. Over the last month, it’s just become a little more obvious.

“Come on.” Rachel laughs. “Do you like either of them?”

Rachel is curious, sure but she sees how you flirt with Jason. It’s different with him than it is with Gar, anyone could see that. Gar is Rachel’s friend and while she likes you, she is kind of worried that you’re playing a game with the two of them. If you hurt Jason, fine, he’ll probably deserve it but not Gar.

“Hmmm.” You hum. “Oh, yeah.” You nod quickly.

“Which one?!”

“Both.” You state as if it were obvious.

“Right, okay.” Rachel nods, trying to wrap her head around someone actually liking Jason. Gar she completely understands but Jason? “Both of them?”

“I know, you’re really trying to not gag at Jason.” You laugh. “He’s, ya know, a smartass and hot and shockingly funny.” You neglect to include every nice thing Jason has said to you and done for you, something you like to keep like a secret. “And Gar, well, I don’t think I need to explain Gar.”

“Okay, so what are you gonna do about it?” Rachel asks. “A love triangle.” Rachel has a teasing grin with her words.

You grimace. “Ewww, I hate love triangles.” You groan. “I know what you’re gonna say, but humor me and tell me what you think.”

“Well,” Rachel leans forward, resting her elbows on her thighs, hands holding her head. “Fuck Jason,” Rachel starts, getting an eyebrow raise and a devious grin from you. “Not literally, oh my gosh.” Rachel rolls her eyes as you chortle. “He’s an asshole to everyone, including you.” Rachel argues against Jason.

“Right, yeah, but he is also nice to me and I’m also kind of an asshole to him.” You defend with the scrunch of your nose.

“Yeah, but today, you didn’t even do anything and he was throwing a fit because you did what he asked.”

“Okay,” You nod tilting your head to the right. “That’s a fair point, actually. Continue.” You put your elbow to the bed, using one hand to hold your head up.

“He calls us freaks.”

“I think Jason thinks everyone is a freak though.” You state.

“Maybe, but it’s still hurtful.” Rachel argues.

“Doesn't really bother me." You shrug casually. "Also, fair though.” You nod in agreement.

“He didn’t stop you from going to Jerry’s which was a bad thing, Y/n.” Rachel points a finger at you, disapproval on her face.

“But he didn’t let me go alone, Rachel.” You mimic her actions.

“But, but,” Rachel starts. “Gar would have tried to stop you and went with you if you were still insistent on it.”

“Wait, how did you know Jason didn’t try to stop me?" You furrow your brows, putting your hand back down.

“No one believes he tried to stop you.” Rachel laughs.

“Alright, you’ve got me there.” You state. “But, you have to give me one pro to Jason otherwise it sounds too biased.”

Rachel pauses trying to think of something good to say about Jason. She actually didn’t hate him originally. She kind of liked him actually but after the whole Trigon situation, he’s been pretty nasty to her. They can get along and be civil of course, but when Jason’s mad, Rachel tends to be the person he’s the most mean to and Rachel has grown to think he’s too entitled and too arrogant. Neither of them have actually bothered to have a conversation about any of it or figure out how they can get along better.

“I am biased.” Rachel laughs, not able to come up with anything. “He’s just so,” Rachel grimaces. “He hates me for no reason.”

“I meeeaaannnn….” You wince.

“What? Did he say something?” Rachel leans forward and if you know something, she is all ears.

“No, but it’s not that hard to figure out from where I’m sitting.” Your eyes go a little wide and you’re surprised Rachel hasn't figured it out.

“Well, tell me! I don’t like that he hates me.”

You pause and for a second you debate saying anything. It's not really your place. But, Jason also hasn't told you why he hates Rachel. This is just you putting all of the pieces together. Rachel is your friend anyway and it would be a lot easier if the two of them got along so, you decide to tell Rachel what you think.

“Okay, from where I’m sitting, it seems like he hates you and thinks you’re a freak because he was possessed, right? Seems like the issues that surround you guys is because of that night, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Gar is a bit…wishy-washy about Dick. He listens to him maybe a little too much sometimes. He’s protective of you, sure, but he’s a different kind of protective when it comes to you. Jason….hates you. I’m just saying, all of you have that night in common, right?” You ask and Rachel nod. “And how was Jason when you first met him?”

“Fine, he was…Jason.” Rachel laughs softly. “Cocky, charming in his weird way, a bit braggy about Robin but kind of funny.”

“Okay and he was chill with you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, what happened between Chicago and Trigon?”

“He helped Dick with something and Dick sent him back to Gotham. He showed up at my mom’s with Dawn and Hank, Trigon was there already.” Rachel explains plainly.

“Mhm, and you and Gar were?” You gesture a palm out, moving it in front of you.

“Trying to escape.” Rachel furrows her brows, still completely following.

“Okay, so follow me: Jason gets sent to help Dick by Bruce because Jason is following in Dick’s footsteps as the new Robin. He’s a shiny new Gotham toy. He helps Dick just long enough for Dick to not be interested in getting to know the kid who’s taking over for him because Dick quit and sends him back to Gotham but Dick keeps you and Gar around, right? Two kids he, otherwise, has no relation to. At least Dick and Jason were taken in by Bruce and have Robin in common so they are, actually, like brothers. But, you’re just some kid who found Dick and Dick decided that was good enough for him to bring you under his wing and then Gar got to tag along and neither of you were sent back to where you came from, just Jason despite Jason offering his help.” You explain, speaking with your hands.

“Right, okay.” Rachel nods along.

“So, fast forward, and Jason shows up to help again. Only this time, instead of helping he gets possessed and starts trying to kill his best friend. He nearly beats his best friend to death because this random ass girl Dick plucked off the streets has a demon dad. THEN, because none of that was enough, none of that was good enough for Bruce and Bruce sent him here to be with, the older brother who didn’t want him in the first place and he gets to be with the person who his brother chose over him and got him possessed.” You finish your explanation.

“Uh…” Rachel pauses, blinking slowly trying to process everything. “I…I didn’t think about any of that. How did you even figure that out?” Rachel knows you and Jason are close but she didn't expect you to have this long explanation that seems to make sense.

“Yeah, I mean I get it. It happened to you, too. You were front and center. It’s not always easy seeing that kind of stuff when you’re in it. But, that’s just what I can gather from it. Jason seems to be someone who needs attention and just wants to know he’s doing a good job.” You sway your head back and forth slightly. "Gar's talked about it and Jason mentioned it which, when Jason mentions something like that, I think it bothers him at least a little bit."

“Okay, so what should I do? I really don’t want to hate him and fight with him all the time.”

“You could talk to him.” You state as if it's the most obvious answer in the world.

“Because that’ll go over so well.” Rachel mutters.

“No, you let him just talk his shit. Go on his little rant and swear fest that he does. He’ll call you a freak. He’ll just rant for like five minutes or whatever and then you apologize. Even if you don’t want to, you apologize to him and then he’ll feel obligated to apologize to you and then you can have a conversation about it. You just have to let him blow his steam.”

“You really get him, don’t you?”

“Trauma bonding will do that.” You chuckle. “As I said, sometimes being an outsider is easier. I didn’t know all that bullshit or what happened before. Plus, we do have Gotham in common.”

“So, I should just talk to him.”

“Yep. It really is that simple with him.” You let out a sigh as you nod. "He is not that complicated."

“Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” Rachel leans back in her chair. “Okay, I have something good to say.” Rachel states and you gesture a hand out, encouraging her to proceed. “He talks to you and he’s honest with you. And if he talks to you, I think that means he understands you like you do him. So, that's three for Jason.” Rachel gives you a proud smile.

You laugh “Yeah, he is and he does understand, actually.” You nod softly. “You may pitch your case for Gar now if you want.”

“For starters, he is cute!” Rachel squeals without missing a beat. “His green hair,”

“Looks so good on him!” You mimic the squeal.

“Yeah! And he is so protective and kind, to everyone even people who aren’t so great. He’s open and brave.” Rachel’s face softens. “He seems to make you feel comfortable.”

The corner of your mouth twitches into a soft smile. “Yeah, he smells like strawberries.” You laugh softly. “He does make me feel really comfortable, and safe. I feel like I don’t have to worry about anything. Um…one of my first nights, I had a nightmare and I thought Jerry was in the tower. He held my hand and searched the tower with me, knowing Jerry wasn’t around but he never made it weird or made me feel bad about it. He just…did it.”

There’s a warm smile that comes to Rachel’s face. “Hey, Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“I think you have an answer.” Rachel laughs softly. “If you really wanna go for Jason, that’s fine. I will never get it but if it makes you happy, I get it. But, you didn’t have that kind of thing to say about Jason and you got all soft about Gar.”

You pause because you do have similar stories to say about Jason. Jason still reads to you and he still lets you take out your aggression and feelings on him without ever questioning it. He was there through you beating up Jerry in the best way he could have been but you can’t tell Rachel that. You know Jason doesn’t want to be seen as soft for anyone, not with his friends anyway, and those things feel like little secrets between you. They’re like little passwords into your friendship that only you two have. It’s your things. Just yours and you’d really like to keep it that way. So, you have to shrug and nod along. You do really like Gar, you aren’t arguing that anyway. But, you do wish Rachel could see the Jason Todd you are so fond of. It’s not fair that Jason doesn’t even have a fair shot in a conversation like this. He deserves some type of fairness.

“I don’t know if I should do anything about it anyway.” You let out a sigh of defeat.

“What? Why though? You like them and it’s pretty obvious they like you, too.”

You shake your head. “I like how it is. If I decide to tell either of them I like them and something comes of that, it might ruin stuff with the other one and I don’t wanna ruin anything. I think the both of them have had too much ruined in their lives.”

Rachel shakes her head. “If you want to go for Gar, you should talk to Jason first. All jokes aside, I see how he looks at you and I see how he treats you when you guys think no one is looking. I don’t actually think you liking Gar will ruin it.”

Your brows furrow with Rachel's comment. The way Jason looks at you? You didn't think Jason really looked at you any kind of way. But, it's interesting because Jason is still relatively guarded. Easy to figure out when it comes to the trauma and figuring out why he is the way he is but everything else, he has this ten-story wall up. He'd probably combust if he knew Rachel saw him looking at you in any kind of way. But, it's something that warms your heart and makes you smile.

“You think so?” You ask, your face soft.

“Completely unbiased and actually thinking decently of Jason, yes.” Rachel gives you a reassuring nod. “Do you like Gar more though?”

Your cheeks start to burn. “I don’t know. I think so because it’s just…different with him. It doesn’t feel like a game with him.” You scoff. “I am endlessly afraid I’ll ruin him though.”

“What do you mean?” Rachel’s voice goes sad.

“He’s been through so much and so have I but he finds it in himself to be there for everyone, all the time. He seems to be accepting of everything that’s happened to him and I’m so afraid that I’ll never be that and I’ll just….ruin him with my pessimism and bitterness.” Your eyes go sad with the last statement.

Rachel wheels her chair over to you. “You can’t ruin him. He’s Gar.” Rachel gives you a soft smile. “He’s a lot stronger than you think. I think he’d do anything for you.” Rachel puts her hand over yours. “I saw the way he stepped between you and Jason today. He knows you can handle yourself but he did it anyway, I don’t even think he noticed that he did. You won’t ruin him.”

“Thanks, Rachel.”

“You guys would also just be super cute.” Rachel gosh.

“Oh my gosh.” You hang your head with a laugh.

You feel a little better getting to talk about it with Rachel. You would never bring it up on your own. Talking about your romantic feelings is not something you like to drown people with. And you feel bad for liking both boys. It’s not your fault, but there’s a guilt that echoes in your stomach when you think too long about it. Talking to Rachel though, helped.

You adore Jason. You adore who he is when no one else is around. But, maybe that’s the thing. Jason is different people around different people. You don’t know if he’d ever be able to be the person who he is in private with you publicly. You don’t want to play a guessing game with him. It’s too much for you, right now. But, with Gar, Gar is just who he is. Sure, he censors himself sometimes but everyone knows exactly how Gar feels about everything and knows what he likes and what he doesn’t. He’s transparent. He is comfortable in the best sense of the word. He makes you so happy and he never makes you mad. He makes your stomach twist with knots and bubbles. You swear you could never stay sad as long as you’re around Gar.

But, despite what Rachel said, it scares you that maybe your trauma could be the straw that breaks him. People can only take so much and he’s been through it all. What happens if dealing with all your shit, in a romantic way, breaks him? You would never forgive yourself for it.

A knock sounds on Rachel’s door, Rachel telling them to come in. And speaking of Gar, he walks in with two plates containing a slice of pizza on each plate. He’s all smiles as he walks in.

“I thought you guys might be hungry.” Gar offers the plates out to the two of you.

“Thanks, Gar.” You take one of the plates from him and this is a perfect example of why you like him. Always so caring and attentive to other people.

Rachel takes the other plate. “Thanks.” Rachel offers him a smile.

You take a bite and wince, Rachel eyeing you and then her own slice of pizza. You chew slowly, giving Rachel a thumbs up while Gar holds back a laugh. Rachel’s eyes narrow slightly as she takes a bite. Immediately, Rachel winces, pausing her chewing and you let out a laugh as you choke down your bite.

“It’s so bad.” You laugh.

“Who made this?” Rachel asks before spitting out the piece into the trash.

“Dick did.” Gar explains, laughing with you both. “The crust is made out of cauliflower.”

“Gross.” You grimace.

“Why would somebody do that?” Gar asks, the laughing subsiding as if he’s grieving for the pizza that could have been.

“If we hate eating, then we have more time to train.” Rachel says.

“Because he’s losing his mind.” You’re still grimacing about the pizza. The pizza never did anything to Dick and yet, he did this.

“Okay, so it’s not just me. He’s totally obsessed, right?”

“Like I said, Daniel Larusso.” You state.

"He just wants to make sure we're ready." Rachel sighs.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Gar chuckles softly. “What’re you guys doing anyway?”

“Talking shit.” You wink at him, Gar’s posture stiffening and you do love making him squirm.

“Just talking.” Rachel laughs softly.

Gar nods slowly. “Right, okay.” He clears his throat. “Movie night?” Gar asks.

You look to Rachel, a cheeky smile on display. “I’m always down for a movie night. Rachel?”

“Of course, we can make some popcorn since the pizza is a bust.” She laughs softly.

The three of you head to the living room, you and Rachel tossing your pizza slices into the trash in the kitchen before joining Gar in the living room. When you get to the couch, Jason and Dick are watching the TV, eyes glued to the screen. You sit next to Gar, following his stare on the screen while Rachel sits on the ottoman.

A police chase ensues on screen, Dick almost blocking the entire TV as he stands watching with his arms crossed like a dad in his fifties.

"We're live at a downtown car chase featuring a stolen vehicle. Police now seem to have the suspect cornered." One of the news reporters says as footage from the top of a parking garage shows a black car surrounded by cop cars.

As all of you watch from the tower, a girl with grey hair gets out of the car and without hesitation, starts beating up the cops. You watch in a state of awe and shock. Whoever that person is, they are very ballsy. Jason leans his elbows on his knees, getting this cheeky half-cocked smirk as he watches.

"Who the hell is that?" Rachel asks.

"Someone who has no self-preservation." You mutter.

"A total badass." Jason gawks at the screen.

Your heart sinks a bit with the comment. Other people can be a badass, that's not it. It's the way he's looking at the screen. His eyes are wide and he's in such a state of awe, it reminds you of the look he gave you after you beat up Jerry, after the initial shock of it. He's got a thing for violence, clearly and maybe it hurts a little but you will never admit that. Instead, you keep watching as the girl continues to beat up the cops, taking down every one of them who comes at her.

"The suspect does appear to be female. She's got silver hair. She does seem to be injured. We're not sure how badly." The news reporter says as the girl looks directly at the camera from the helicopter, her eye left covered with bloody gauze.

She is very pretty.

"Wait for it. We're not sure where she thinks she's going." The news reporter says as the girl runs to the car she 'stole' and leaps off the building.

Your jaw nearly drops as you watch. On second thought, Jason might have a point. That's pretty badass. Who just jumps off a parking garage? She's either crazy or knows something no one else does. It's impressive. Gar looks worried about the girl though and Rachel just looks shocked. Jason, on the other hand, is almost matching the expression on your face but with a bit more awe and infatuation.

"I'll be back." Dick says without looking back and just walks right to the elevator.

"Okay, what the fuck did we just witness?" You ask, looking around the room.

"Someone scared for their life, probably." Rachel says softly.

"A badass kicking cops' asses! It was awesome." Jason cheers.

"I'm with Rachel." Gar adds. "She didn't look badass, she looks scared." Gar glares at Jason.

"It was still awesome." Jason defends.

"Think Dick is going to find her?" You question, ignoring the back and forth between the other three.

Without a second thought, Gar closes his eyes and nods while Rachel and Jason say yes in unison.

"He has a thing for strays." Gar says quietly.

"Noticed." You laugh softly as you look down to your lap, a somber expression coming to your face.

"You guys still down for the movie?" Jason changes subject, sitting back in his seat. Rachel is the only one who catches the look Jason gives you. It's subtle, but his eyes linger on you just a second too long and his jaw clenches just slightly while his eyes soften just a little.

You shrug. "Might as well."

Gar and Rachel agree, Rachel moving to sit on the other side of you. It's Gar's turn to pick a movie. He chooses Back To The Future, a true classic. The three of you sit back and start to enjoy the movie together. You think about if Dick finds this girl. Will it change the dynamic? You’re actually really comfortable here and you enjoy where your friends are with everyone. If Dick brings someone else in, will that change? Of course, you knew you wouldn't be the last stray Dick brought home but it's weird with the potential to not be the new person.

Just as the movie ends, the elevator brings Dick up. The four of you all rush over to see if he found the girl who leaped from a parking garage. All four of you stand and watch the doors open, Dick carrying the girl who's unconscious. Gar, Jason, and Rachel jump into action to help but you step aside. It's not that he found her and you’re worried about the situation. It's that you wonder if this is what it was like when Dick brought you back. Everyone comes to see the new person, wonders if she's okay, who she is, and where she came from. What she is. It feels too real and it brings back every bad thought you had prior to being in the tower.

It feels too exposed and you remember how terrifying it was that first day. Surrounded by new people you didn't know if you could trust but having nowhere else to go. That, in and of itself, was also traumatizing even though it worked out for the best and you love it here. It was just scary so you stand back as Dick asks to Gar to come with him since Gar has some experience with injuries from staying at Caulder House.

"Hey, you okay?" Rachel asks seeing your distant expression.

"Huh?" You shake your head, almost not catching Rachel talking. "Sorry, yeah." You nod quickly.

"What? Scared you're gonna be replaced or something?" Jason jokes. His tone is his usual sarcastic, airy tone he uses when he's just trying to mess around. Not even a flirt, just joking but it strikes a nerve a little.

"Fuck you, Jason." You bark at him.

Rachel's even taken aback by the remark. This is what the two of you do and you’re the only one that fires back. Rachel expected you to say something about Jason being replaced but that's not it. And Jason is completely shocked, almost frozen in place. He was just joking and he knows you know that.

"Okay, fuck you." Jason snips. "It was a fucking joke."

"Well, maybe I'm not in a fucking joking mood, dude." You roll your eyes before storming off towards your room.

Jason stands for a second, looking at Rachel for help. "Did you guys have a fight or something?" Rachel asks, thinking you didn't because surely you would have mentioned that when you were weighing the pros and cons of the boys.

"Not that I know off." Jason scoffs. "Did you?" Jason's voice turns accusatory.

"What? No!" Rachel defends. "She was fine when we were hanging out."

Jason sucks in a breath. "Alright then." He shrugs, trying to play it off as if it's not bothering him but Rachel can see through it. Gar is helping Dick anyway.

"Just go talk to her." Rachel rolls her eyes, her words reluctant.

She's rooting for you and Gar. You're softer and cuter. Rachel, as your friend, is worried that if you decide you like Jason more and want to see where that goes, it won't end anywhere but in shambles. It's more than just Rachel and Jason not getting along. It's that Jason is a walking fuckboy. He's the dangerous rebel parents warn their teenagers not to date because they'll get in trouble and get their hearts broken. Maybe Rachel thinks too little of Jason but with Gar, she's sure Gar wouldn't hurt you, ever. But, you’re her friend and Jason at least understands you better than anyone. She isn't going to get in the way of that.

"You're her friend." Jason holds his head up, as if trying not to let on how he's definitely going to your room when Rachel leaves.

"So are you?" Rachel narrows her eyes at him. "I'm gonna go to my room and wait for Gar to be done, you talk to Y/n." Rachel nods once at him before turning and heading towards her own room.

Jason waits until Rachel's door closes and then he goes straight to your room. He thinks he's coy but he's almost as transparent as Gar is. Jason isn't subtle even when he's trying to be. Rachel isn't blind. She sees the way he watches you. Both of the boys do. Rachel has caught Dick nearly choking and grimacing at the three of you with your flirty jokes. But, to Jason, it's like he exists in a tinted bubble where no one can see any of it.

"Come in." You call out as you’re laid on your back on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

Jason opens the door, walking in and shutting the door behind him slowly. "How did you--"

"I heard Rachel shut her door, figured you were behind her." You don't look at him, just keep your stare on the ceiling.

"Alright, well what the fuck was that out there? I was just fucking with you like always." Jason huffs, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"It was just weird." You mutter.

Jason walks to the foot of your bed before plopping beside you, laying in the same position. His arm brushes yours as he turns his head to look at you and then back at the ceiling. The ceiling is white and boring, a stark contrast to the decorating you’ve done to your room. There are sketches across the walls you did with Dick's permission. Movie posts for some of your favorite movies are hanging sporadically on the walls. Your shelves have Funko Pops from some of your favorite shows. A few snacks sit on your nightstand. The room is yours, it's a home within a home but the ceiling is a sterile white, cold compared to the rest of your room.

"Like..." You pause. "Is that what it was like when he brought me back?" You ask, looking at Jason.

Jason looks back at you, your eyes about as welcoming as a hurricane. "Yeah." He answers honestly. "It was weird. You looked dead, though." Jason looks away from you, not able to hold eye contact.

It was weird when Dick brought you back, worse than weird. Dick went out to run an errand and then when he came back, he had a burn and you who literally looked dead. You were covered in bruises and cuts. You were limp and lifeless, without even knowing you, Jason is positive it broke everyone's hearts to see you. It didn't matter if you had powers or if you could fight, you needed help. It was one of the moments since Bruce sent him to train with Dick that he really viewed Dick in a different light, kind of like a hero without the mask (not that he will ever admit that). He just helped this random girl off the streets despite the fact you burned him. It was different. It was sad and scary.

"Gee, thanks, Jay." You roll your eyes, looking back to the ceiling.

Jason sighs, sitting up and turning to lean on his elbow, looking at you. "Look, I'm saying it was fucking freaky when he brought you here because you were really hurt." Jason explains and you catch a hint of sadness in his eyes. "And fucked up." Jason adds in. "He asked for Gar's help then, too. You know the rest, I guess. Gar wouldn't tell us what was going on with you."

"Why?" You ask.

Jason wrinkles his face. "Because you were fucked up."

"Fair." You nod before you let out a sigh. "I just hope she's okay, ya know?" You say. "It's like...seeing it just felt so fucking weird but I hope whatever happened wasn't too traumatizing. It made me....mad again. I haven't been mad like that since Jerry."

Jason nods with understanding. Seeing you like that, it was worrisome. You’ve got a fire and that’s why Jason finds you fun but, it’s how it went. It doesn’t matter that Jerry deserved it and you deserved to get revenge. You didn’t feel better afterwards because it didn’t erase what happened. And Jason doesn’t want you to ever feel that way again. He was the only one that was there for it.

"Wanna work it out?" He gains a smirk.

You decide to challenge him now. He came to check on you and just that bit of talking did make you feel a little better. It's not about being replaced. You know Dick won't replace any of you. It's just a bit triggering being on the other side of it this time. But talking with Jason helps.

"Work it out how?" You match his position, making your faces closer.

Jason's voice hitches in his throat. "However you want, babe."

The term babe is something he's grown accustomed to using when he's messing with you. To you, that's all it is. He's using it to get under your skin because it works. He gains this cheeky, taunting grin of accomplishment every single time he says it because you squirm in your seat. Your heart always skips a beat with the pet name. It's always this mix of wanting him to shut the fuck up and wanting to hear it in a way that's not him just messing with you, but like he means it. And you never know what to do about it.

"Shut up." You roll your eyes, pulling away. "You know what I mean, shithead."

"I call you babe, you call me shithead, huh?" Jason chortles, tilting his head to the right.

"If the shoe fits, BaBe." You mock, leaning in again, eyes wide and you see it for the first time.

Jason squirms and suddenly, you completely understands why he calls you it. It's the way his face brightened but his eyes shot open like a deer in headlights. It's the way he jerked his head back and you could visibly see him hold his breath for a second. It's a little funny and it's really cute.

"No, you can't use my thing against me!" Jason yells, a smile tugging at his lips with burning cheeks.

"Hmm, too late." You give him a confident smile before sitting all the way up.

He's fun. He's fun to mess with but you’re not sure if there's anything more than there. You aren't sure if you like him because he's hot and because he's fun or if there's something below the surface. He is this unknown iceberg that you’re trying to navigate around in the dark. There is always more than what's on the surface but you can't see how much. You can't tell if what you do goes more than a foot under the water or if it's nearly touching the ocean floor. The only way to know is to dive in, following the rugged surface as far as you can, risk drowning. Maybe some risks aren't worth taking.

"Get changed, meet you in the training room in twenty minutes." Jason sits up and gets up off the bed, a sadness filling his heart but in a way, accepting that it'll never be him.

He sees the way you look at Gar. He sees the way you and Gar are and how it's always more than a joke and maybe if Jason cooled it down and was just real with you in a normal situation, you could have that, too. If he could just, throw the sarcasm overboard in a normal situation, he could dive in with you. But, he's never been a very good diver.

"Yes, sir." You give him a fake pout and Jason narrows his eyes, the pounding in his chest, echoing through his ears. All he can do is roll his eyes at you before heading out to his own room to change.

You and Jason get changed and you head out of your room first. When you reach the kitchen, Rachel is grabbing a snack. You ask if Jason has been by yet but apparently he hasn't so you sit down to talk with Rachel while you wait. While you wait, Gar comes walking in from the other hallway, clearly done with whatever he was doing with Dick and then Jason walks in as if everyone were on cue. The four of you decide you'll all train together since you're actually due for a training session again anyway. But, before you can get going, you hear the sound of shoes. The four of you peek around the corner of the kitchen to see the new girl trying to sneak out of the tower. All four of you follow her to the elevator, staying back while Dick comes in from the other hallway.

"Going somewhere?" Rachel asks as the elevator denies the girl access to leave.

The girl turns around as Dick steps forward. "We need to talk." Dick says, the girl glaring at him with the one eye that’s not covered.

Dick sends the four of you off to the training room while Dick talks with the new girl. The four of you spar for a little while, making little to no conversation between you. The four of you are mostly just wasting time until you can find out what Dick and the new girl talked about and what's going on. You all have mixed emotions about it but all four of you are curious and intrigued. So, you train for an hour until you and Rachel ask Gar to grab a snack and a drink from the snack counter around the corner.

You sit on the floor, your hands resting behind you while your legs are stretched out and Rachel sits on a bench. Jason continues to practice with a wooden stick, more or less haphazardly while you wait for Gar to come back. Gar is only gone a few minutes before he strolls in with a box of Cheez-Its and three Gatorades.

"So, what do you think is going on out there?" Gar asks, handing Rachel the box of Cheez-Its and you a Gatorade.

"If it's anything like when I got her, bombarding her with too many questions." You say, opening the Gatorade.

"He's probably just trying to find out who she is." Rachel states.

"So, bombarding her with too many questions." You repeat as Gar sits on a bench.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" He asks.

"He sent you to talk to me because I refused to talk to him so kind of." You chuckle.

"He's giving her a cell job. That's what he does cause he can't resist a stray." Jason says sounding annoyed.

"As if it's a bad thing." You quip, gesturing your left hand around the room. "We were literally all strays."

"Don't take his side." Jason mutters, a whine in his voice.

"I mean I knew he'd be bringing in new people. I just didn't...I guess I just didn't think it'd be so soon." Gar explains with the shrug of his shoulders, leaning his elbows on his knees.

You tilt your head slightly to the right trying to figure out if this is what happened when Dick brought you back. They had only been together a month before you showed up so the fact Gar thinks it's still soon, hurts a little. It all worked out okay with you being here, so what's the difference between you and this new girl?

"We didn't even know if we can trust her. Hell, we don't even know what the fuck she is." Jason raises his voice, growing more dramatic.

"What she is, is a person who needs help." Rachel's voice is stern as she looks at Jason.

"Or," Gar starts, holding up his fingers, Gatorade in hand. "Is she a person?" Rachel tilts her head, giving Gar a displeased look.

"You guys sure do know how to make people feel welcomed." You roll your eyes. "Is this how you guys acted when Dick brought me here?"

Gar gives a yikes expression. "Well....yeah." He nods sheepishly. "We didn't know you."

"You burned Dick." Rachel adds.

"You also looked like shit." Jason points out, a grin on his lips.

"So? It all worked out with me. She's just a person." You defend the new girl.

"How did she survive the jump?" Gar leans in, voice raising slightly.

"So, you think she's a metahuman?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah, or, or an alien." Gar throws his arms to the side, defending his point. "Like Kory."

"I need to meet Kory, she sounds fun." You state, Gar gives you a questioning look, shaking his head before his eyes widen, as if asking you to agree with him. You let out a sigh. "That's kind of fair though."

"Really?" Rachel snaps her head in your direction.

"You said it yourself, I did burn Dick. If she's also a metahuman or....an alien..?" You give Gar a questionable look before looking back at Rachel. "We don't know."

"Well, if she was like Kory, those cops wouldn't be alive right now." Rachel argues, looking back to Gar before grabbing a few Cheez-Its and offering the box to you.

"She can fight." Jason chimes in, taking a short break from fighting the air. "Alright, I'll give her that. Whoever she is, she's had training."

"Did you guys see her eye? When Dick was changing the bandages?" Gar asks, clearly going somewhere with this.

"What about it?" Rachel asks.

"It was gone." Gar scoffs, almost amazement in his voice. "But the wound had already healed." He leans forward as if not completely believing what he'd seen.

"Well, that's pretty sick." You give an approving smile.

"You serious?" Jason asks.

"She's been here one hour and the three of you are already obsessed with her."

"You don't think it's sick as fuck that she jumped from a roof, into a building and her eye is already healed? That's awesome." You defend your stance.

"She's a freak." Jason huffs, his voice a higher pitch this time. "Look my vote is we kick her ass out." You scrunch your face at Jason just as Gar starts.

"Okay, wait, who says we even get a vote?" Gar asks.

"Who says she even wants to stay?" Rachel argues. "Look, it's hard to believe but maybe her idea of paradise isn't sharing a bathroom with you, Jason."

"Well, I think she should stay, just for the record." You state. "Assuming, she isn't going to kill us all."

"You do?" Jason scoffs.

"Uh, yeah, as the newest person Dick found on the streets, my vote is yes." You hold your head up high.

"It'd be easier if we knew who she was." Gar states.

"I know how we can find out exactly who she is." Jason gets that knowing smile on his face, the one that always says he's up to no good.

"Do I get to participate this time?" You quip knowing exactly what Jason is up to.

"I thought you said it was wrong." Gar points out.

"Well, yeah," You scoff. "But, I wanna know if she's gonna kill us, especially if Dick gives us a vote. We should know who's sleeping under the same roof as us, right?"

"See, she gets it." Jason says with pride.

You roll your eyes at Jason before looking back to Gar. "You didn't get caught the first time."

"Alright, fine." Gar agrees, still not liking the idea of going behind Dick's back again to look into someone but he's not gonna say to Jason and you.

"You knew and you're okay with it?" Rachel questions. Rachel knows she would at least be pretty mad if the boys went and looked into her instead of just talking to her. She's surprised you aren't mad.

You shrug. "I mean, it would have been nice had they just asked but let's be honest, I wasn't gonna tell them shit anyway. So, I get it. They had to make sure I wasn't a serial killer or some psycho."

"We could talk to her. Maybe she's more open than you." Rachel suggests as you hand the box of Cheez-Its back to her.

"I don't know, Rach." Gar sucks in a breath. "She didn't seem too willing to talk since she was...trying to leave."

"I'm not helping," Rachel shakes her head with disapproval.

"No asked you to." Jason chortles.

"Shut up, Jason." Rachel groans.

"Can we just get back to training?" Gar groans, growing tired of the conversation.

You get up with the suggestion. "Please."

The four of you start your training again until Dick walks in to tell you you call it a night. The four of you go your separate ways to your rooms and the bathroom for your nightly showers. All of you choose to leave the girl alone in her room. Dick said she isn't up for much talking but he's got it all handled, whatever that's supposed to mean. So, the four of you wrap up your night and head to bed.

It takes you a little while to fall asleep. Ever since beating up Jerry, you’ve slept a little better. Nightmares still rear their ugly head about once a week but it's better. It went from every night to once a week, which is an improvement. Beating up Jerry didn't help you feel better about what you went through but knowing that he got to suffer, knowing that Dick turned him in and you saved a little boy from the same treatment, it did ease some of the weight from your bones. It's just a matter of dealing with and working through the trauma he left you with and actually being at the tower surrounded by these four strangers, which helps because to some extent, they all get it.

No one wakes up one day and decides to be a hero. There's something deeper about it and for the five of you, it's trauma. The want and need to not let another innocent person live with what you went through and there's something remarkable in that. But, that doesn't erase any of the trauma you've all gone through. And for you, seeing the new girl brought in in the same way you were, it brings everything you tied down back up to the surface. Another nightmare scares you awake.

You sit up straight in bed, eyes wide but weighed down with sleep. Your heart is thundering in your chest, the room dark beside the city light illuminating your room through the window. Your hands are shaking in your lap, glowing green, something you’ve never even told Gar about.

When the nightmares are really bad, it's as if it triggers the acid and your hands start glowing. Luckily, it's never been bad enough that you actually produce the acid and burn through the bed. But, it is something that scares you even more. If nightmares can trigger the glow, what else can? And does that mean you’re losing control of it? If you don't have control, then what? You don't actually want to hurt someone, especially by accident. But, you choose not to wallow in it because it's not going to do you any good and it's only going to make you feel worse. So, you snatch your phone from the charger and head to your door.

You tip-toe through your door, closing it behind you and make the short walk to Gar's room. The door is unlocked just like it always is and the pinball machines give a blue glow to his room with the city lights shining through his windows. A comforting smile tugs at your lips as you shut the door. The green-haired boy is curled up on the left side of his bed, facing the door and Gar always look so comfortable sleeping, lips parted lightly. He's a lazy sleeper and you think it's the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

"Gar?" You whisper softly, sitting on the edge of his bed. Gar doesn't even budge. "Gar?" You call, shaking him slightly, stirring him awake.

He peeks an eye at you, his hair a complete mess. He gets this lazy-tired smile on his face as he sees you. "Nightmare?" His voice is rough and drenched in sleep, something you swear you could play on repeat for hours on end and never get bored. You nod softly, the smile falling slightly. Gar lifts the blanket for you. "C'mon." He mumbles, inviting you in.

"Thank you." You whisper to him, getting up and sliding under the blankets with him.

Gar turns over on his back, stretching his arm behind your head so you can lay on his chest. "Anytime." Gar looks down at you, this cute smile on his face that has the power just to make the world seem like a better place. Gar smiles at you and everything seems like it's gonna be okay, like nothing in the entire world will ever be scary again. There's a kind of magic about him and you adore every aspect of the boy with soft eyes and green hair.

You cuddle up against his chest, resting your arm over his torso and lightly gripping his t-shirt. You can hear Gar's heart and it's the most comforting sound you’ve ever heard. It's slow and steady. You remember the first night you went to him after a nightmare and it was awkward.

You didn't know what to do or say. All you knew was that he'd make you feel better and you didn't want to be alone. He did make you feel better but you were both...tripping over your own feet trying to figure out how to sleep or how not to. Gar didn't want to make it weird or be too in your face about it and you weren’t sure if you wanted to be too close him. It was a mess, actually but you settled on his chest anyway because that's what felt comfortable. That poor boy's heart nearly beat out of his chest for almost half an hour. He was so nervous.

He'd never slept with anyone like that before and he just adores you with everything in him. He never wants to mess anything up and he didn't know what to do. Gar followed your lead and it made him more nervous than he's ever been. But, there was a sense of comfort in it because you chose him to be with when you’re scared. Something about him, made you comfortable enough to fall asleep and sleep soundly. Something about him, felt right to you. And that makes Gar's chest swell every time you come to him for this. He wishes you'd do it more than just when you have nightmares but he never has the guts to ask. So, he wraps his arm around you while the steady pace of his heart lulls you to sleep.

You wake up first, before either of your alarms. You've moved throughout the night, you’ve rolled over, facing the door while Gar's arm is lazily draped over your waist. You can hear him softly snoring behind you and you carefully roll over as to not disturb him. The peacefulness of his face makes you smile as you watch him. And for a second, you almost forget there are other people in the tower. You forget about your nightmare just a few hours before and everything, right now, feels so right.

You feel safe and happy and comfortable. And calm. Your brain is quiet with him. It's not bitter or cold or full of range. It is at peace with every horrible thing you’ve seen and been through. Just...peace. And maybe that's what it's all about.

Maybe, it's not about flirting all the time or who makes you question the intentions of everything for fun. Maybe it's not about shared trauma or experiences. Maybe, it's just about who's there for you when everything feels like it's caving in. Maybe it's about who sticks around when the darkness closes the blinds. Maybe it's just about the person who lifts some of the weight from your shoulders when everything gets a little too heavy and maybe it's about the person that makes you comfortable and finally lets you feel peace. Maybe that's what it's all about.

But, that’s all just maybes.

"Do you always stare at me when I sleep?" Gar mumbles, voice drenched in sleep as he opens his eyes, blinking slowly at you.

"No." You scoff, feeling your cheeks start to burn. "You were snoring." You brush it off.

"Sorry." Gar chuckles softly.

"It's okay, I don't mind." You give him a smile. "You're cute when you're sleeping through, you look peaceful."

Gar's eyes widen and you called him cute. What does he do? "Oh...yeah?" Gar asks, feeling his breath hitch in his throat. "Thank you. Uh, so do you." Gar offers, as if waiting for you to laugh or make a sarcastic comment but you don't. Your smile is sweet like honey.

"Thanks." You look away just as yours and Gar's alarms start blaring at full volume. "Ew." You grimace, rolling over and grabbing your phone from his nightstand, Gar doing the same. "Want pancakes?" You ask, looking back at him.

Gar raises a brow, you’ve never offered him food that wasn't a snack before. "Sure? You can make them?"

"Wow, rude." You let out a laugh, your voice still filled of sleep. "Yes, the fuck I can, Garfield."

Gar laughs, the use of his full name makes flowers bloom his chest. He doesn't normally like when people call him it but you? You call can him Garfield when it’s like that. "I was just checking! Vegan pancakes?" Gar raises a brow.

"Hey, there, what kind of monster do you take me for to offer you pancakes and not offer a vegan option?" You quip. "Of course."

"Sweet." Gar beams at you and you offering to make him pancakes makes him feel really important. "Do you need help?"

You shake your head. "Nah, consider it a long overdue thank you for letting me sleep in here and for dealing with my bullshit."

"I don't mind." Gar says with ease as a gentle laugh leaves his lips. He never minds being there for anyone, but especially you.

"I know but I'm gonna thank you anyway and make you pancakes because you deserve it." You give him a cheeky smile before tossing the blanket off of you and getting up from the bed. "You can watch though." You give him a wink, the heat rushing to Gar's cheeks and you watch his eyes go wide, mouth moving not knowing to say. You scrunch your nose as you laugh. "You're also cute when you get flustered."

Gar lets out a sigh and he thinks you might be the death of him one day. "I'm not flustered." Gar defends, sitting up before rubbing his hands over his face.

"Mhm, sure, you're not." You nod, words leaking of sarcasm.

"I'm not!" Gar defends further with a tired laugh.

"Okay." You shrug, turning on your heels. "Sure." You snicker. "I'll meet you out there."

"Yeah, okay." Gar nods, falling back onto his pillows as you leave, leaving his door slightly ajar.

You make your way to the kitchen, Dick is, of course, already in there with his coffee. It's been a month and somehow you still almost always catches him while he's in here. Surely, this man has other things to do in the morning but no, he is always here. But, you just 'morning' him and walk over to the drawer with the pans, pulling out a griddle. Dick watches you with a raised brow, casually sipping his coffee. You grab the ingredients including regular milk and soy milk for Gar, one of the non-dairy options Dick keeps stocked for him. You continue to rummage through the kitchen, casually glancing at your phone for all of the ingredients.

"What are you doing?" Dick finally asks.

"Making pancakes." You say with confidence, measuring the flour into a large mixing bowl.

"Right." Dick clicks his tongue. "Since when do you cook?"

"Why is everyone so shocked?" You scoff, measuring the milk for Gar's before grabbing a sticky note and a pen from the counter, marking the batter with ‘Gar’.

"You haven't cooked anything that doesn't go in the microwave or isn't frozen since you've been here."

"Well, that's because it's convenient." You quip as Rachel strolls in, sleep still in her eyes. "I like convenience."

"Is she cooking?" Rachel asks through a yawn.

You look at her with wide eyes, pausing what you’re doing. "Okay, seriously?"

"What the fuck is going on?" Jason chortles as he walks in. "Since when do you know how to cook?"

"That's what I said." Dick raises his mug at Jason.

"You know what, none for any of you!" You glare at them, pointing at them with a whisk, some bits of batter dripping off the end. "I'll clean that."

Rachel gains this knowing smile as she sits next to Dick. "Wait, are you making Gar breakfast?" She asks and your cheeks burn. Jason's heart plummets into his stomach. He always knew but it stings.

"What makes you say that?" You ask, trying your best to not be obvious.

"You have the soy and dairy milk out?" Rachel points at the different kinds of milk. "I also heard you leave his room."

"Okay." Dick says loudly, getting up from his seat. "I don't need to hear more of that. Good luck making breakfast. It's very nice of you, Y/n."

"Thank you, Dickolas." You give him a thankful nod.

"Left Gar's room, huh?" Jason asks and Rachel regrets saying anything.

"Yeah...." You say quietly, going back to your batter.

Jason knew, of course he did. You mentioned it to him in passing. You sleep in there when you have a nightmare. And neither of you hides it. It's not some big secret or anything but with Rachel actually mentioning it, someone else mentioning it, it's like Jason is suddenly much more aware of it and it hurts a little. But, he reminds himself that he never had a shot anyway.

He plays this fuckboy thing up so much but he's never been much good to anyone anyway. And he knew it wasn't him because of the movies and the way you talk to him. Jason hoped it'd be him, but the pit in his stomach told him it wasn't so the only thing he can do is brush it off because that's what he does. And you see it across his face, guilt flooding your stomach, almost making you nauseous but you ignore it and continue making breakfast because you like Jason and you like Gar. But dealing with that early in the morning doesn’t sound pleasant, so dodges your sinking heart.

"Want any?" You ask the two of them.

"Please." Rachel gives you a soft smile.

"Yeah." Jason nods, pulling out his phone and scrolling away.

You continue making breakfast as Gar strolls in, a bit surprised to actually see you at the stove. You really don't cook and it makes Gar chuckle to himself. Dick actually does a lot of the cooking but it really is rarely ever good so you normally end up with a frozen pizza or takeout. So, this is nice and something that Gar never really expected from you. You’re so snippy and sarcastic that whenever you decide to be soft, it throws him a bit but in the best way. You’re full of surprises and Gar wants to know all of them.

As the four of you sit down with your breakfast, Dick walks out with the new girl, explaining they were leaving for a bit. The girl made a comment about not wanting to stay which prompted Rachel to ask why. The girl didn't have much of an explanation, looking more like she just wanted to leave and not turn back. Dick didn't really say much else though and just like that, they were gone.

"You still wanna know who she is?" Jason asks, stuffing pancakes into his mouth.

"Obviously." You nod.

"Yeah." Gar sighs, eating his own pancakes. "Hey, these are really good." Gar compliments you.

"Everyone is so shocked." You laugh.

"How'd you learn to make them?" He asks.

"Oh, I can follow a recipe." You chortle. "I can make a sandwich from scratch, everything else I just Google."

"That makes sense." Rachel nods.

"Nothing?" You look to Jason, waiting for a quip. You fully expect him to boast about how he could do this in his sleep if he tried. Or how he’s had better pancakes from Denny’s or IHOP, something sarcastic at least.

"Eh," Jason shrugs. "I can do better." Jason gives you a smirk, choosing to shrug it off.

"Mhm. Sure ya can." You nod.

The four of you finish up your breakfast and make your way to the new girl's room where Dick changed her bandage. Gar saw Dick toss her bandage in the trash and just like they did with you, Gar snatched it and brought it to the comms lab. Jason takes it from Gar and uses some of the technology to grab a blood sample to run through the computer. Gar takes a seat in the chair, you standing behind him and resting your arms on the back of the chair. Jason stands off to the side, eyes glued to the screen as Gar types away. Jason starts pacing a bit behind you as the screen starts loading, trying to find information on the girl.

"You're gonna burn a hole into the floor, Jay." You state, glancing back at him.

"Yeah? What if this is her plan, get Dick alone and attack him or some shit."

Gar and you both look over your shoulders at him. "I don't think she's gonna attack him, man." Gar lets out a sigh.

"Yeah, I think we're safe there." You nods your head while the two of you look back at the screen, the computer making a noise as it loads.

"Come on." Jason paces twice more before standing next to Gar. "Come on."

"Match identified." The computer says once everything has loaded.

"Rose Wilson." Gar says, leaning forward and clicking a button. "And that's her dad, Slade Wilson."

"Well, fuck." You let out a scoff.

"No...fucking...way." Jason says, eyes wide as he puts his hands on the computer panel, leaning forward as if not believing what he's seeing.

Gar looks between the two of you, confused. "What?"

"Deathstroke." Jason says, something cross between amazement and shock coming over his voice.

"Bad dude from, what? Five years ago?" You look to Jason.

"Think so, yeah. He killed one of the Titans." Jason explains, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Wait, how do you know that?" Gar looks behind him at you.

"I had a lot of free time, Titans, Justice League, Robin, ya know? Found it all interesting. Deathstroke killing one of the Titans was pretty public. Aqualad, right?" You glance at Jason again for confirmation.

"Yeah." Jason nods.

"So, this girl, Rose is Deathstroke's daughter?" Gar asks, turning back to the screen.

"Seems that way." You let out a sigh.

"Think he did that to her?" Gar's voice is pained with the question.

"Wouldn't put it past him." Jason adds. "Dude is fucked up."

"We have to tell Dick, then. He has to know." Gar urges. "Maybe we could look further into him.

"Yeah, do that." You agree with him and the three of you watch, reading what shows up on the screen while you wait to inform Dick.

If Deathstroke is involved, surely that's something Dick would have clued you all in on if he knew. So, now it's up to the three of you to bring it to Dick's attention before Rose gets too close, just in case.

prev. chapter | next chapter

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @thatfangirl42 // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess

#gar logan #jason todd #gar logan x reader #garfield logan x reader #jason todd x reader #gar logan fanfic #gar logan fanfiction #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #caving in

127 notes · View notes

iavenjqasdf · 3 months

Note

why do you like ero guro stuff? genuine question cause I’ve found myself liking it recently and idk why and I’m anxious about it

Idk lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"Why did someone's personal meat computer that has trillions of variables going into it at all times for decades and counting end up in this particular state" is a question for, like, god or whatever, and idc what the answer is. So I'll just talk about a few of the variables that I noticed and find interesting I guess.

I remember always feeling A Strange Way about seeing violence as a little kid. 2 particular memories: seeing a preview for something on Russian TV where a dude with long blonde hair and a denim jacket was standing on top of a hill and got shot in the chest and fell into the sea all dramatic, and leafing through some kinda super bloody samurai comic/manga that someone had misplaced in the kids section of the public library. Then there were the edgy Newgrounds flash games and Happy Tree Friends and the very concept of seppuku...

I was always a super scaredy kid and would tend to get fixated on stuff like that and replay it in my head for hours at a time, in absence of external stimuli or reassurance. Stuck in the backseat on a long boring car trip, worried skullkid was hiding in the trunk and was gonna chainsaw through it any minute, unable to share my fears with my parents cause I should've been old enough to know I'd hear the saw motor running if death were actually that close by.

I guess with time, I found the best way to stop being so scared of it was to jack off to it, and in the post nut clarity, realizing that I hadn't died, or accidentally killed anyone else either, so maybe it wasn't the end of the world, and it got easier with time, as I kept testing that apocalyptic theory.

Another thought that helped: the Saw movies make hundreds of millions of dollars. Probably not something that could happen in a society where attraction towards gore was genuinely something you'd be widely shunned and exiled for, at least on that level. Bringing sex into it of course squicks out a lot of people, but that's true of everything, cause we're still so weird about sex generally.

But I saw unsimulated executions on liveleak before I watched any R rated movies. We had drills in elementary school to make sure we never forgot the possibility that a stranger would come in and shoot us to death someday, so we covered under our desks, until they told us it was time to feel safe again, and we could go back to our coloring books or whatever innocent little childlike things we did back then*.

I didn't get Formal Sex Ed till like, high school, but the kid who showed me Happy Tree Friends explained the basics of it to me on the playground back then, too. Stick the deadly weapon you were born fused to into someone else's holes until fluids came out. Same basic principle.

So I guess the cute tidy answer would be: I grew up in the American capitalist antisex death cult. How could I not end up a bit weird about the concepts of death and sex?

Explore what you like, nonnie. Never let anyone shame you for thinking or feeling anything. The only thing that Actually Matters is how you treat other people, and if you're not going out and hurting people without their consent, you're light years ahead of all the cops and soldiers and capitalists out there who are thoroughly convinced that they are Good People™ for doing what they do. Looking at images with a higher % of red pixels than average, or reading graphic descriptions of mutilation that don't have the characters turn to the camera mid-scene to say THIS IS NOT GOOD TO DO DON'T DO THIS IN REAL LIFE BY THE WAY, isn't some type of uniquely irreversible soulcorruption you need to rescue yourself from or whatever.

Let that rotten flesh-stinking flower in your mind bloom ❤️

*I never knew what to draw as a kid; my first ever drawings were imitations of Children's Drawings I'd seen on TV and whatever. Stick figures living in a box-and-triangle house unlike any I'd ever actually seen, never mind lived in, snowcapped purple mountains in the background when the only ones I knew were the very much unsnowed-upon, earth toned Hollywood Hills. I distinctly remember crumpling up and throwing away a drawing in 2nd grade because I didn't feel like my art was "marketable" enough.

I'm glad I'm able to express myself a bit more truly nowadays, at least in some regards. I guess I found my market :)

#larce track #📰#guro #ero guro #📝

4 notes · View notes

lemon-boy-stan · 2 years

Text

DATING A LEGILIMENS!MARAUDER

a/n: i re-watched fantastic beasts and idk i just got this idea. no warnings except swearing ig.

JAMES

would probably use it for fun

like for pranks and literally just to annoy the shit out of you

you can never surprise him

because James will always know you’re planning something

he’s also extremely annoying when you two argue, always countering your remarks before you actually say them

“no, I will not stop doing that, and no, I am not a dickhead! Don’t tell me to shut up!”

knows when you’re down

finds out you have a crush on him and is so fucking obnoxious about it

he knows exactly how to tease you, too

because he knows exactly what pisses you off

“but I’m not doing anything, Y/N!”

he’s a complete asshole, honestly

REMUS

Remus doesn’t like to use it on you

because he thinks mind-reading is intrusive

he tries his best to subdue it

also, he doesn’t want you to think he’s any more of a freak than he already is, even though he knows you don’t think he’s a freak

he does use it to cheer you up when you’re down, though

or to get you birthday presents

he doesn’t like to use it often

but eventually he admits what it is after you started an argument about it

really, he hates himself for not telling you when he heard you thinking how annoying him keeping it from you was getting

he told the others shortly after even though he knew, again, that they would be enraged he didn’t tell them

SIRIUS

uses it in bed, probably

also uses it when he thinks you’re lying

doesn’t hesitate for a second to boast about it to the whole school

he doesn’t care people think he’s even more of a freak

“I can read your minds, you lunatics!”

he is completely idiotic about it

he uses it for jokes, too, like James

but Sirius is meaner about it, and uses it to annoy Snape

“Stay out of my head, you filthy blood-traitor!”

Sirius doesn’t really use it on you, except when he wants to spoil you or start an argument lol

REGULUS

he’ll use it on his enemies, but never on you

like Remus, he thinks it’s rude to read a person’s mind

he never does it, except when he knows you’re hurting

because you and Regulus are the same, you hide your emotions and it’s impossible to get anything out of either of you

so every time you say that you’re fine, Regulus knows you’re lying.

it upsets him because sometimes he’d just wish you’d tell him how upset you really were

arguments with Regulus almost never happen because he always knows your side of the story without having to assume anything or ask someone why you’re upset.

he’ll always know where to find you if you’ve run off crying somewhere

he’s always there even though he knows you’ll probably get mad at him

but he always knows how to calm you during your anxiety attacks and he always knows exactly how to make you feel better.

LILY

super nosy

hides it for a while

says weird shit like

“are you ok? you seem down.”

“you should go rest in the hospital wing, sweetheart, I know you didn’t get any sleep last night

“there come the marauders. James is planning to bully Severus today at lunch, I ought to put a stop to it, he can be really cruel to him sometimes.”

she would always seem to know exactly what dresses and jewelry you like to wear

and what books you like to read and the music you like to listen to without having to ask you

and of course, you would get suspicious, and go to the library

you’d begin to research, and Lily would find out

she just loved your thoughts for some reason

she would tell you a few days before you planned to confront her

and it would be only the two of you who knew about it.

MARY

uses it when she thinks she’s being funny

or to spy on teachers like filch

she often uses it on exams to answer questions she’s forgotten to revise

Mary doesn’t like to use it on you often, but she did use it when she first got to know you and was wondering if you had feelings for her, too

you were so surprised when she planned your dream date the first time you both went out

she always wears the outfits and the dresses you want her to wear, and she always manages to get you gifts that you actually want

even though she knows about the surprise parties you throw her, she makes sure to be extra surprised

MARLENE

she’s even better at Quidditch than she was before

she knows every move that her opposer is going to make

which is annoying, because whenever your houses play Quidditch, you’re the Chaser she’s playing against

“keep out of my head, Mckinnon!”

“no can do, L/N!”

but she’s brilliant at gifts and dates

and at tutoring you in whatever subjects you don’t understand, somehow she just makes it all click!

Marlene’s a whiz, honestly.

harry potter masterlist

navigation

a/n: requests for the marauders are open! send an ask

279 notes · View notes

roscgcld · 3 years

Text

HEADCANON + VARIOUS || what cuddling will include (second years)

anime: jujutsu kaisen

characters: zen'in maki, inumaki toge, okkotsu yuta

pronouns: them/they

proof read: N/A

note: if you are a manga watcher and not a reader, pls skip yuta’s section! i just want to write something for yuta cause honestly, he is really hot lol~ it would have been incomplete to not have yuta here. also, i didn’t write for panda just cause…well, he’s panda

ZEN'IN MAKI

I like to think that the badass supreme Zen'In Maki is the biggest cuddle bug on the entire planet - like hello, she is so soft to her friends lol

She is going to be the bigger spoon no matter what. It’s not like she doesn’t like being the little spoon or anything; she just feels more comfortable being able to hold you in her arms

Pillowtalk will also be a reoccuring thing between you two, no matter what time of the day or night may be; you two can talk for hours on end

She loves to play with your fingers whenever she gets the chance, since she finds comfort from them

Also soft kisses on the space between your eyebrows - that is the spot she always kisses to tell you that she loves you without directly saying it

Lets you play with her hair, since when you two cuddle it’s usually down and free from the ponytail she has it in all the time

She loves to trace your face with her fingers too, making a few comments on how perfect you are in her eyes

She loves to ask you questions about your life and hear you talk about it, even if you deem to be boring - she wants to get to know you inside and out, so leave it to her to dig all your secrets from you

Her entertaining your questions about her life with the Zen'In clan before leaving, Mai, and how she taught herself to be a top tier weapons specialist

“Maki, can you teach me how to use Playful Cloud one day?”

“Cupcake, I love you, but you can barely handle a katana.”

“How rude.”

Cue Zen'In smirk - I just, I just need a moment

INUMAKI TOGE

With him, I like to think that you two will cuddle whilst sat together on his bed, his back to his headboard and you against his chest whilst he wraps his arms around you

Soft boy will just stare at you with his shining eyes, like you were the most precious thing in the entire world

His fingers will be laced with yours and just resting in your lap, squeezing from time to time to answer your questions wordlessly whilst his chin will rest on your shoulder

Sometimes you two will just put on a movie and cuddle, your arms resting on his whilst he hugs you from behind, blankets tossed over your laps and pillows all about you

He likes tracing pictures on any part of your body he can reach - your thighs, arms, stomach, the back of your hand, your wrists; he just likes to trace random shapes because he just finds that comforting

Soft cheek kisses - poor baby doesn’t want to say anything and accidentally hurt you, but I bet you he loves to press kisses all over your cheeks because he thinks they are soft (author-chan says this since she has chubby ass cheeks lol)

He likes to squish your cheeks as well, since he finds them super cute and treat them like stressballs when he’s stressed. But he makes sure to never hurt you too much, since he doesn’t want them to be sore from his constant abuse

You would try to slap his hands away, but my dude is so strong he will just end up pinning you down and start tickling you until you give up and let him play with them - that sounded so wrong oh my lord-

“Pretty.” - just, can you imagine him saying that??…I need a moment.

Overall a super cute and loving boy who just wants to shower you in all the kisses and cuddles because physical touch is his love language

OKKOTSU YUTA

I like to think that because of how Yuta had little to no interaction with people at an early stage in his life, he isn’t quite sure how to go about it

Having a cursed spirit as a financee doesn’t really count as dating, does it? But I like to think that both yoou and Rika have spoken before, and when the girl realises that Yuta likes you a lot and hurting you is going to end up hurting him as well, she has just learnt to accept it with a stern warning to protect her beloved

Even after that, poor boy doesn’t know how to react when you’d ask for cuddles - probably just stand ther with wide and shocked eyes whilst his face explodes in diferent shades of red

I like to think usually he’d just be seated on the bed, reading up on some books that Maki suggested for him to read from the library with you clinging onto one of his arms

He’d try to act all natural, but in reality he has to re-read the same paragraph like, three times to process it since you were so deadset on distrcting the blushing boy

Eventually though he’d just give up and after coaxing you to let go of his arm, use the same arm to wrap around you shyly instead

Loves it when you rest your head on his chest or shoulder, since he finds it easier to hide his face from you

After calming down though, he’s just look down at you with the softest look on his face whilst wrapping his arm around you tighter, resting his head on yours with a content smile

His free hand is probably petting your head or holding your hand just so he can just admire you without getting caught with a soft smile on his face

He’s just overall grateful that you decide to stay by his side when others then to shun away from him, even if he is more awkward compared to the average person - but the fact that you’re willing to do whatever heis comfortable with without comment makes him treasure you even more

547 notes · View notes

reidamancy · 4 years

Text

too late || spencer reid

summary: Spencer and you never got closure after you broke up. But hidden feelings and confessions reveal themselves when you’ve been abducted. Now Spencer is forced to analyze a voicemail you left for him to try and save you before it’s too late. (spencer reid x fem!reader)

category: angst

warnings: s2 spoilers, kidnapping, knife and gun usage, slight mentions of blood and drugs, plot holes, probably incorrect medical info

word count: 4.4k

a/n: this is my very first cm fic, and I’m completely new to the fandom so I hope there are still people out there who read cm fics lol

MASTERLIST

(part one | part two)

Spencer’s POV

“Spencer?” Her voice breathed shakily through the voicemail.

Y/N. I recognized her voice immediately. For a split second I was filled with bliss just from the sound of her voice, but my heart dropped when I recognized the terror laced in her words.

She paused for a bit before continuing. “Hi, it’s me. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear from me right now,” She choked on a sob, but little did she know that was furthest from the truth. “But I didn’t know who else to call.” Another pause.

I leaned forward in my seat, resting my arms on my desk while listening intently to the message.

“I... I’m in trouble Spencer. I don’t know who he is. He took me from my car and brought me here. He made me call you because he knows,” She took a deep breath before letting out a sob. “He knows you will never save me in time.” By now, her voice came out as a squeak. My breath caught in my throat as my worst nightmare came true.

“No, Spencer, wait, please listen to me.” I shut my eyes and exhaled. I pinched the bridge of my nose; she must have had to pretended I answered the phone, and I wasn’t there when she needed me most.

She sniffled on the phone and continued.

“I don’t know how much time I have left... So I guess this is goodbye Spencer...” I felt my heart shatter as tears pricked my eyes.

“When we met, I knew exactly where I was in life. But you, you changed that. You taught me so much, Spencer. I remember all the games we'd play when you were home.” Y/N paused as she left out a sigh. A sad smile crept on my face as I recalled our shared competitive nature and the countless games that sprung from it. I could only imagine her expression mirroring my own as she spoke. “You'd always win but I guess that's what happens when you play against Dr. Reid. I still think you forgot two dozen names just to let me win.” She let out a dry laugh.

“The last time I saw you was on our anniversary, June 6. 9:30 on the dot. And then you abandoned me Spencer, you left me alone in the big, cold world.” She took a breath and I let out a small gasp when I heard the sound of a gun cocking in the background.

“I told myself I'd never forgive you, but the truth is I already have. I can't leave without you knowing that. Please save me, Spencer.” She whispered the last line before the phone was yanked out of her hands, evident by the small yelp and shuffling I heard, and the voicemail ended with a low growl saying, “You’ll never get here in time.”

The voicemail ended and the fear I felt from before melted into rage. I knew exactly what I had to do. Phone in hand, I marched straight into Hotch’s office.

Reader’s POV

The man snatched the phone out of my hands and quickly hung up on the call before redirecting his gun at me. He had it pointed at me the entire call and cocked it once he was getting impatient.

The worst part was he didn’t bother to hide his face. He had bound my arms and legs together, but never blinded me. I knew exactly where I was and who he was, which only meant one thing: I wasn’t getting out of here alive.

My abductor shot at the ground and I let out a scream. “That was a bit long now, wasn’t it?” He sneered.

“You’re gonna kill me! I had to say goodbye properly!” I sobbed.

It was partly true. What he didn’t know, however, was the fact that I had an FBI agent for an ex-boyfriend, and a genius one at that. I haven’t spoken to him in months, but I prayed that he would understand the hidden clues I left in the voicemail. I hated how this was our first interaction since our breakup, but I needed him now more than ever.

I’ve wanted to call him countless times; it’s almost ironic that it took a literal kidnapping for me to finally do so. In the wake of our breakup, I found myself completely miserable. I missed everything about him, and I caught myself staring at his phone number on my screen numerous times, contemplating if I should actually call him or not. I wanted to, I really wanted to. I wanted to tell him how much I missed his voice, his touch, his love. But every happy memory we had would then be overshadowed by stronger memories of him snapping at me, being repulsed by my touch, and his mood swings. So I never got the courage to push the dial button.

It was a never ending cycle. I’d want to call him; perhaps I wanted to try to fix things one more time. I knew something was wrong, maybe I could have done more to help him. But then I would realize I couldn’t help him unless he let me. So I’d always end up deleting the digits on my screen and hope he was doing okay. But days later I’d find myself punching in those exact digits once again, only to delete them minutes later. In time, I had memorized his number by heart, which is why it was almost instinctive to dial him today.

The fact that he was an FBI agent was the last thing on my mind when I pushed call. I just needed him, I needed Spencer. It felt wrong, after months without speaking I thought we had both moved on. But he was the first person I thought of when given an instrument to cry for help. And as soon as I heard his voicemail, as soon as I heard his voice, I realized I needed more than Dr. Reid. I needed Special Agent Reid.

I tried to remember everything I could from the few times Spencer would talk to me about his cases. If I could understand this unsub like he and his team could, maybe I could survive. But the more I remembered, the quicker I realized my chances of survival were slim. He’s way too confident for me to have been his first victim. He gave me the freedom to call whoever I wanted and say whatever I wanted, and he wouldn’t have done that if he knew he wouldn’t get caught. So the phone call must be part of his signature, but why? Why give that much freedom to his victims at all? Maybe he just likes to hear the pain in our voices when we say goodbye.

No, it has to be more than that. Right before I dialed Spencer, the man told me, “Make sure they answer.” And that’s when it hit me. He must take pleasure in knowing his victim’s loved ones are aware of what’s happening but can’t save them. He’s stripping them of their power to help, to save, their loved ones. I hope that isn’t the case for me. I didn’t want to call Spencer (okay, maybe deep down in my heart, I did), because he made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with me. But if anyone could save me, it was Spencer Reid.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when my abductor leaned in front of me, his putrid breath fanning over my face. I noticed his gun was now in his holster and one of his hands was behind his back. He slowly pulled it out to reveal a knife and he placed the blade against my arm. I winced as he put pressure against my skin, but not enough to draw blood.

“Now that... what was his name? Spencer?” He let out a low chuckle. “Now that Spencer knows you’re here, he’ll try to save you.” The unsub slowly dragged the knife up my arm, still not breaking the skin, and I let out a whimper.

“He’ll tell the police, but they’ll be too late.” He taunted. “They always are.”

The man now used his knife to push hair out of my face. “While we wait... Let’s have some fun.” He sunk the knife into my shoulder and I let out a scream.

Spencer’s POV

As the case was presented to the team, I was paralyzed in my seat with the voicemail replaying over and over again in my head.

It’s me. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear from me right now.

I’ve been wanting to hear her voice for months, and when I finally do it’s because she was abducted. Even worse, she’s apologetic that she even has to call me. As if she’d ever have to apologize for speaking to me...

“Reid?” Hotch’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at him and he repeated himself. “Will you analyze the voicemail for clues on Y/N’s location?”

I silently nodded. He turned to JJ and whispered to her to stay with me. Everyone then dispersed to do everything they could to bring Y/N back.

“Kid, who is this?” Morgan stayed behind and questioned me.

“Hm?” I questioned innocently.

“Look, she could have called anyone in the world, but she called you. And you obviously care for her or else you wouldn’t be so quiet right now. So who is she?” Derek displayed concern in his eyes.

I let out a sigh. JJ took a seat in front of me and Morgan leaned against the table. My eyes were fixated on my hands, which were in my lap. “Her name’s Y/N. She was the one who got away.” I heard my voice crack, but I didn’t care. JJ and Morgan looked at me with sorrow as they listened to me open up about the love of my life.

“I met her at the library. She saw I was checking out a book about physics and she gushed about how it was her favorite subject. We went on for 20 minutes talking about the subject, and then she asked me out for coffee.” I bit my lip.

“We started dating for a few months and everything was perfect. She didn’t mind my work schedule, and she listened to all my rambles. Sometimes she even had some facts of her own to add.” I recalled all the times Y/N would add to my fact spews instead of shutting me down, and I couldn’t stop the smile resulted from the memories. “She was perfect. In every way.”

I took a deep breath as my love story took a sour turn. “But then I... I started to push her away. After Tobias Hankel I pushed everyone away, but Y/N got it the worst. I was a horrible boyfriend, but she never gave up on me. She never knew why I was acting that way, but eventually I pushed her too far. We broke up because she thought I hated her. But I don’t. I never did.” I trailed off, remembering fragments of the last fight we had. I cringed as I remembered how broken her voice was, and how I continued to tear her down. I wasn’t in my right mind. If I could go back, I’d never let her leave that door. But in hindsight, I don’t blame her for leaving.

I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks as Morgan rubbed my shoulder. JJ got up and hugged me. She lowered her face towards me and said, “We’re gonna save her, Spence. And when we do, you’re gonna tell her all of this.” She flashed me a kind smile.

“After I got off dilaudid, I realized I lost her, so I tried to get her back. I wanted to surprise her, so I went to the cafe we went to the day we met, and I saw her there. She was there with another guy... She had already moved on and I was too late. I never got to apologize to her.”

I didn't want to meddle in Y/N's new relationship. She had every right to move on. So I tried to as well. But it didn't hurt any less, especially since I never got to explain myself to her. I had accepted the fact that Y/N had moved on from me, but her voicemail gave me an ounce of hope. In the direst of circumstances I was the one she called. Perhaps it was because of my job, but I let myself hope that maybe I misread the situation. That man could have been a friend. And I could still have a chance.

But hope is a dangerous thing.

“Reid, I know this is hard. We all want to get Y/N back safe, but you’re the only one who can understand what she’s trying to tell us here. Think you can focus?” Morgan wanted to make sure my head was clear enough to analyze Y/N’s message. The truth was, I wasn’t sure.

But I nodded and played the voicemail again.

“June 6?” I repeated once the voicemail ended.

“Is that when the two of you met?” Morgan asked.

“No, that date doesn’t have any significance to us at all. June 6, 9:30? Why would she say that?” I wondered out loud as I wrote 6/6, 9:30 on the board.

“Can you play it again?” I asked JJ.

When we met, I knew exactly where I was in life.

“There right there, pause.” I knew that was a lie. “When we met, she was a graduate student but she didn’t know what to study. I helped her with that.”

“Okay, so she knows you can catch onto her lies. What is she trying to tell us?” JJ wondered out loud.

It was then that I realized what Y/N was doing. “This entire call is full of lies. She knew I’d catch onto them, but I don’t know what she’s saying.”

Morgan jumped in, “Okay, so if you catch all of her lies, we’ll decode the message.” I nodded as JJ pressed play and I wrote down all the lies in the voicemail.

By the end of the call, my board looked like this:

6/6, 9:30

“knew where I was in life”

winning game - 2 dozen names?

“Okay, so what does this all mean, Reid?” Morgan asked.

I stared at the board, trying to make a connection. “I don’t know...” I mumbled. I knew Y/N was trying to tell me something, and if I could figure it out I could save her. The thought gave me enough confidence to analyze her diction. “But did you hear the end of the call? She said I left her alone in the ‘big, cold world.’ It’s odd that she would describe it like that.”

“So she’s somewhere big and cold?” JJ chimed in.

“Probably...” I answered as I added to the board.

“What about abandoned? Is that describing where she is or is this actually about your relationship?” Morgan asked.

“I don’t think she would use 'abandoned' to describe our relationship...” I bit my lip. I wouldn’t say I abandoned her, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that was how she actually felt. I cleared my throat. “That’s probably where she is. Big, cold, and abandoned.”

“So what are we thinking, warehouse?” JJ inputted.

Morgan nodded. “Okay, we’re getting somewhere. So does that mean when she said she knew exactly where she was in life, she meant she actually knew exactly where she was taken?”

“What about the game she talked about? What does that mean?” JJ asked.

“I never let her win any games, she insisted we both play fair and square.” I tried to think back to all the games we played. “She mentioned names... There was only one where we used names,” I held back a smile. “We were trying to see who would be the first to name all the U.S. presidents.”

Morgan and JJ looked at each other. “Why am I not surprised.” Morgan let out a small chuckle.

“But you forgot two dozen names?” JJ questioned.

“Two dozen is specific... and Reid doesn’t forget.” Morgan thought out loud.

I tried to remember more about the game. “I won that game. I was the first to put down my pencil and she teased me for it. But she wanted to finish her list so I’d give her clues to who she forgot... But there was one name she just couldn’t remember.”

“Two dozen... Did it happen to be the 24th president?” JJ wondered.

I let out a small smile. Clever girl. “Yeah, it was Grover Cleveland. The 24th president.”

I now looked at my new board, filled with new information.

6/6, 9:30

“knew where I was in life” am

winning game - 2 dozen names? ➝ Cleveland!

big, cold

abandoned

warehouse?

My head was swirling, trying to make sense of what Y/N gave me. My eyes darted up and down the board, trying to see her message. She knew where she was. She gave me a name, numbers...

“I got it!” I yelled. “It’s an address. She knew exactly where she was and she was trying to tell us! June 6, 9:30? 66930. Where’s Garcia? I bet there’s an abandoned building at 66930 Cleveland Street.”

Morgan raced out of the room to grab Garcia. Moments later she rushed into the room with her laptop and I hurriedly asked her, “Garcia, what is at 66930 Cleveland Street?”

Her fingers blazed across the keyboard then she shook her head. “No, I can’t find that address.”

JJ leaned towards the monitor. “Try Cleveland Road?”

Garcia shook her head once again, “Sorry my sweets, there’s no 66930 Cleveland Road either.”

She continued to clack at her keyboard, and moments later she lit up and said, “Wait, I see an abandoned warehouse at 6693 Cleveland Road!”

“It was probably easier for Y/N to use time to disguise the numbers, even if it added another digit...” I thought out loud.

Morgan rushed over to her computer as I felt my body fill up with hope. “What can you tell us about it, baby girl?” He asked.

“It was previously owned by a man named Hubert Roffkins, but then the trail ends 2 months ago. It looks like it was abandoned then, and oh dear.”

“What is it?” Morgan pushed.

“Hotch asked me to look into similar abductions with phone calls ending with murder.”

I swallowed harshly. “And?” I asked.

“The dates coincide with the first kidnapping.”

“Let’s go.” Morgan commanded.

Third Person POV

Hubert Roffkins had stabbed Y/N for the seventh time by the time the FBI got to the scene. He was cornered and surrounded by agents, he knew there was no way out of this. As he reached for his gun, Agent Hotchner fired a single shot to the head and Roffkins was dead before he hit the ground.

Y/N was still conscious when the agents came. She was surrounded by her own blood and dizzy with pain, but she knew once she saw those FBI vests, she’d be okay. She wasn’t sure what was happening, but she heard a gunshot and saw a pair of converse running towards her. Her vision was blurring, but she didn’t need it to identify the figure who picked her up off the ground and held her face. He kept telling her to stay with him, but she couldn’t hear him. Her vision focused on his face for one second and she smiled at the familiar face. “Spencer,” she whispered, so faint he could barely hear her.

“I’m here, Y/N, I’m here.” He cried, holding her closer to him.

Her vision blurred once more and she let the darkness succumb her.

Spencer rode in the ambulance with her, and he would not let go of her hand the entire way to the hospital. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, wondering what could have been if he’d arrived just a few moments earlier.

Once in the hospital, it took an army of nurses to separate Spencer from Y/N. He couldn’t let her out of his sight, too scared of losing her again. So he settled on sitting outside her room while the doctors operated on her.

The rest of the BAU team met him at the hospital. They exchanged glances and sighs, unable to help their youngest teammate. No matter how they tried to comfort him, his mind was fixated on the well-being of his lost love.

The doctor emerged from Y/N’s room and Spencer immediately sat up.

“Her vitals are stable and he missed the major organs. She will be incredibly sore, but she’s gonna make it.” The doctor announced.

Spencer smiled. “Can I see her?” He asked.

The doctor nodded, warning him that she was still sleeping and she will be very tired.

Spencer walked into the room and sighed. He hated seeing her like this. She was pale, and she looked so fragile. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and hold her forever.

He took a seat next to her bed and grabbed her hand. His thumb traced small circles on the back of her hand while he studied her face. Finally, after months of being apart, he was finally here with her. He was both relieved and terrified, knowing that once she woke up, she would have his entire heart in her hands.

“Hey, Y/N.” He whispered, his voice coming out broken. He cleared his throat and continued.

“I uh, I got your voicemail.” His voice cracked and he let out a sad smile. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. But you did so good. I understood, Y/N. I remembered everything.” His voice cracked and tears were welling up in his eyes, but he continued. “You’re so strong. I’m so proud of you.” His voice was now barely above a whisper.

Spencer stopped for a moment to compose himself. It was the moment he had been waiting for. Y/N was right in front of him and all of his emotions were overwhelming. He had to tell her right now. Even if she couldn’t hear him; he needed the practice. Because the words have been bottled up for so long, and now that she was right in front of him, he felt like he was going to burst. But he just didn’t know where to start.

“Y/N, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I really need to tell you something, and I can’t wait any longer.” Spencer let out a sigh and stared at her hand in his. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for months, and I-I need to let the words out before I lose my confidence.” Spencer swallowed thickly. “Or I don’t know, maybe you can hear me. Studies have shown that...” He trailed off. He was rambling.

Spencer let out a deep sigh and brought his eyes back to Y/N’s face. “Y/N... You were the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I can’t believe I let you go.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “You were right, you know. Something did happen to me on a case. But I didn’t want to bring you into the evil that corrupts my world, so I kept you in the dark. But then it got out of hand... It became less about shielding you and more about protecting myself.” Spencer licked his lips and lowered his eyes again. He felt ashamed. Had it not been for his own pride, perhaps Y/N would still be in his life. Maybe he could have even prevented this. But he let out a shaky breath and continued.

“I was abducted and tortured by a man named Tobias Hankel. He had multiple personalities. So when he wasn’t torturing me, he was giving me painkillers. It was dilaudid.” Spencer shook his head as the memories of his abduction came back to him.

“I... I became addicted, Y/N. I knew I needed help. But I wanted to prove I was strong. I wanted to prove that I could bounce back and show that I could handle it. But I couldn’t.” By now, the young doctor was crying. He continued through his sobs. “I guess I... I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it on my own, so I pushed everyone away, Y/N. Not just you. And I know that doesn’t make it better, but you were never the problem, Y/N. It was me.”

Spencer looked at Y/N’s face and rubbed circles on her hand. “I know there’s no way you could have known that, but I don’t want you blaming yourself for what happened between us. And I know what you would say if you were awake right now. I know what I did was wrong. I realized that you would never see me as weak for this, but in that moment I've never felt so weak. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

Hot tears streamed down the Spencer’s face as he continued. “I’ve been sober for half a year now. I’ve been sober ever since we broke up. And I know drugs don’t excuse how I acted towards you, but I just needed you to know,” Spencer held onto Y/N’s hand tighter. “I never stopped loving you.”

As the young doctor spilled his heart out to his love, the words he spoke never reached their recipient. Y/N laid in deep slumber, unaware of Spencer’s confession as he sat next to her. She would stay in her comatose-like condition until the next day, never to hear the truth behind the end of her and Spencer’s relationship.

Because when Y/N awoke, Spencer had gone to get his morning cup of coffee from the hospital’s cafeteria. He had spent the entire night sleeping by her side, desperate to be the first person she saw when she woke up. By the time he returned, fits of giggles were emerging from Y/N’s room.

Spencer’s heart fluttered as he heard her laughter echo in his ears. She was finally awake, and he could finally get his confession off his conscience. All he had to do was repeat the words he had said the night before, this time to active ears.

But the words were caught in his throat once more, because when Spencer entered Y/N’s room, he was met with two sets of eyes instead of one. Y/N had lit up and exclaimed, “There’s the man who saved my life!” Her excitement and smile still brought butterflies to Spencer’s stomach. But they quickly disappeared when she spoke her next sentence, confirming Spencer’s fears.

“Spencer, I want you to meet Connor. My boyfriend.” She gestured to the man sitting next to her. Spencer had recognized him immediately, he was the man he saw Y/N with at the cafe.

Spencer’s stomach dropped and his heart broke once again.

He was too late.

---

read part two here!

3K notes · View notes

t-lostinworlds · 3 years

Text

Wish You Didn’t (Peter Parker)

a/n: hello, hello. here’s another angst fic as ‘tradition’ since this is my first ever full peter parker fic so yeah, please be kind alska. this is very fluffy from the start but then it’s all downhill from there lol, hope you enjoy this one <3

pairing: peter parker x female reader trope/genre: song fic - Wish You Didn’t Love Me by Jake Miller; best friends to...well; fluff and angst summary: You love Peter Parker with all that you have, but somehow, he doesn't find that as a good thing. Despite feeling the same way, to protect you, Peter wish you didn't love him at all. warnings: wholesome cuteness at the start to set you up for heartbreak, brief dark thought from peter, and swearing. word count: 13.9k+ (i mean, what’s new)

masterlist on bio & pinned post

-:-:-:-:-

"Ugh."

Peter looked up from his textbook just in time to see you drop your bag on the table and then plop yourself down on the seat across him in the library. There was a look of pure frustration on your face, his brows furrowing at the sight of the deep frown written on your lips.

"What's up?" Peter asked, twirling his pen in his fingers as he tilted his head at you in concern.

You let out a big sigh, meeting your best friend's gaze with your frown still intact. "I've got a debate coming up tomorrow," you grumbled dejectedly.

The crease between Peter's brows could only deepen at your words.

You were the best on the debate team, always at the ready to take whatever topic it was thrown at you, headstrong. You're always excited to gush to him about what could be your winning argument, what would put the opposing team at a standstill. So, to see you be somewhat upset about an upcoming debate, it was so unlike you.

Maybe because it seemed last minute but by the looks of it, Peter can't help but feel like it was more than that.

"What's it about?" he asked.

You blew out your cheeks, hand coming up to play with the notebook he had on the table before you blurted out,

"Spider-Man: Friend or Foe."

Peter cleared out his throat just as he turned the page of his book to hide it, sitting straighter in his seat, pretending to get back to reading to avoid your gaze.

He didn't tell you.

Years and years of being best friends yet you didn't have an ounce of clue that you were sitting right across the person who was going to be the topic of your debate.

Peter trusts you of course, he trusts you with his life. His reason was simple really: he just didn't want to drag you into it.

Plus, knowing how worried you can get, he just didn't want to put you through all of that, especially on top of all things college and with what's going on in your personal life. He already feels so guilty with the stress he's put May through, he can't bear to see you have that burden too.

And most importantly, Peter just wanted to protect you.

"Still don't see why you're bummed about it," he said with a shrug, gaze running over the text printed on the paper but none of it was going inside his mind.

"I got picked to defend him."

Peter's head shot up at that, eyes narrowing on your seated form as he asked, "Oh, so you think he's a foe?"

"No..." you trailed off, eyes wandering around his slightly messy table littered with notes, textbooks and books, highlighters and everything in between. "Not really."

Closing his book, Peter leaned forward, arms rested on the surface with his full attention now on you. "Care to elaborate?"

You pursed your lips, shifting in your seat as you crossed your arms over your chest. "I mean, he's probably got good intentions but I've read about the Sokovia accords you know," you started, Peter nodding to show you that he was following. "And it's a debate. The other party would do their best to make him out to be a reckless vigilante. I can already think of so many arguments that they'd throw."

"Such as?"

"That he could be doing this for fame and attention, or that he is doing good things but his drive to do them isn't exactly the best. Is it for revenge? Bragging rights or maybe something darker? Another one could be that he's young, careless and naïve. We don't know what he's really capable of superpower wise which means he can probably hurt innocent people in the future.

"Not to mention if he's on the right or wrong side of the law. Who has to pay for the collateral damages that he has caused? Is it right to let him go scot free? I could go on and on and I just," you paused, resting one arm on the table and then placing your head on it as you looked up at your best friend. "I can't really counter those things with full force because I don't really know the dude nor do I have any real, solid facts about him to back up my claim that he's completely on the good side."

"Research hasn't done you good has it?" Peter hummed, a soft smile playing on his lips as his hand came up to poke your cheek, a sweet attempt to try and rid of your frown.

You shook your head no with a deepened pout, taking his hand away from your face with your own free hand as your nimble fingers then played with his absentmindedly.

Peter's heart grew warm at the gesture.

"There's literally nothing on this spider dude aside from blog posts written by fanboys and girls gushing about how amazing he is. Which is never a great source since it's already so biased," you explained.

"What would truly help you aside from research?" he queried, eyes trained on the way you interlock your fingers together and then letting it go only for a second before interlacing them again, letting it go and repeat. It was such an adorable habit of yours, one that Peter has grown so fond of, your touch always delicate and sweet whenever you fidget with his hand.

"An interview I guess? It'd be nice to get to ask him a few questions. Like, it would help to know why I'm on his side. Get a perspective on why he does what he does, you know?" you sighed, eyes fluttering close with your frown still intact. "At least that way, I know I'm defending someone who I know is worth defending."

Peter hummed as he tore his eyes away from your intertwined hands and back on your sprawled out upper-half on the table. He pursed his lips, gaze on the dip and valleys of your beautiful but stressed face. His brain grew at odds the more he took in your deep frown—one he always hates seeing no matter the reason—as he raked his thoughts on what he could possibly do to help without having the trouble of revealing his secret to you.

"But it's genuinely impossible to talk to him—"

"You could send him an email," Peter blurted before he gave himself time to properly process his words. Hell, he didn't even get to weigh the odds and dangers of his proposition. But now that it already slipped out his mouth—

Shit. I don't think this is a good idea...

Your eyes snapped open as you gaped up at him, brows deeply furrowed as you wondered, "Spider-Man...has an email?"

Too late to back out now, Parker.

"Well, all the Avengers do, under Stark Industries to be specific," Peter said in the most nonchalant way he can muster. "Since, you know, Stark tech in their suits, modifications, upgrades, what color they want it as, etcetera, it's how they talk about those stuff."

You abruptly sat up, dropping his hand as you laid both of your palms flat on the table, eyes now twinkling with hope and excitement. "You think he'd actually see it?"

"Yeah, not many people know about it so," he trailed off with a shrug, opening his book again and flicking through the pages.

You leaned forward, trying to catch his gaze as you narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously. "How'd you know?"

Peter scoffed with a shake of his head, never looking away from his book given that you'd notice his lie right off the bat if he does so. "I don't know Y/N, probably because I work there," he pointed out. Well, technically it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"And you're giving me it?"

He shrugged, finally meeting your gaze. "I don't see why not? As long as you don't share it around or sell it," Peter warned, shooting you playful glare.

"Yes! Oh my—you are the best," you exclaimed excitedly, jumping out of your seat and rounding the table to give him a back hug. "You're a lifesaver Pete, thank you." With one last squeeze, you pulled away and swiftly snatched your bag, feet in a rush as you treaded towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Peter asked bemusedly.

"Sending the email! Hopefully I can talk to him tonight!" you called back to him.

Peter can't help but shake his head at you with a laugh, "I haven't even given you the email!"

"Just send—"

Sssh!

"Oops, sorry," you whispered, finger over your lips as you rushed back to his side with a bright smile. "Just text me it please? Love you," you hummed, hand landing on his shoulder as you leaned down to place a swift but sweet kiss on his cheek.

The skin where your lips once were quickly turned pink, Peter's heart skipping countless beats at that four-letter word, unable to conjure any response the more he thinks about the actual weight of the warmth that's grown in his chest. He's heard you say it to him many times before of course, but despite holding a different meaning—one with friendship laced around it—it never fails to make Peter's heart soar.

Albeit wanting it to mean something else, something more, Peter knows he shouldn't. Always quick to silence his heart on screaming for more given that it wasn't ideal, for your sake. He always reminds himself that he already feels utmost content with what he has with you now, content with the love you make him feel even if it's only to an extent.

It was enough, for your sake.

Nothing but adoration coated his features as his eyes followed your every movement. His heart grew even more when you beamed at him once you pulled away, ruffling his hair playfully before hurrying out of the library, shooting him one last smile and a wave before disappearing from sight.

Peter can't wipe his own grin off his face, just the sight of your beautiful smile and your joyful eyes, easily contagious on his part. But then realization dawned on him and the curve slipped away, replaced by a frown laced with panic as he pulled out his phone to check the time.

"Shit."

He quickly gathered up his things and rushed out of the library, taking the back door out of the building to the nearest alley. Peter had his eyes glued to his screen the whole time as he quickly made a fake but believable enough email before sending it to you.

***

"Heard you were looking for me?"

You let out a yelp, jumping a few inches back as you spun around towards the direction of the voice. A hand flew over your chest the moment your eyes landed on a figure, shock befalling you as you froze. He was squatted down on the ledge of the rooftop of your apartment building, red and blue faint under the night sky. "Oh my—uh, hi," you squeaked, eyes blinking rapidly to see if what you're seeing was actually real.

The wind was blowing cold, your black pants, plain t-shirt and jean jacket doing just enough to minimize it. The sound of the streets of Manhattan was echoing below, very busy but faint due to your distance from the ground, enabling you to still hear his voice loud and clear when he spoke again.

"Hi, I'm Spider-Man," he introduced as he offered you his hand, masked eyes trained on you as you cautiously walked towards him.

"I know. I'm Y/N," you said, hesitantly reaching out to take his hand, the material of his suit rough against your palm as you shook it. You were in absolute awestruck, eyes glowing with wonder as you did nothing but gape at him.

"I know," he said and you can practically hear his smile behind the mask. He gave your hand a squeeze, the odd feeling that coursed through your bones made you tilt your head at him in mere curiosity, brows furrowed in utter confusion. Mr. Spider-Man swiftly cleared out his throat, eyes casted down as he quickly let go of your hand. "It's on your email," he added hastily.

"Oh, yeah," you muttered. A few seconds passed and you just stood there, staring at him like some star struck fan as you rubbed your hands together in both the cold and slight nerves. After a few seconds more, you finally spoke, "Wow, okay, I didn't expect for you to actually show up."

You don't know where to actually begin.

The first thought you had after sending the email was that he'd never actually see it, or if he does, he'll simply ignore it. You had been ready to wait out in the cold for a couple hours, anticipated the letdown to be frank. Yet here he was, the Spider-Man, right in front of you who, amazingly, even arrived right on time.

Spider-Man was making you nervous.

Normally, you have no problem with doing interviews. It is a form of research after all, and being on the debate team, you've done countless of it. But right now feels different.

Maybe it was the fact that he was a fucking superhero. He's someone who has actually done quite a lot and has probably seen and experienced other worldly things just as much if not more. Or maybe it's the fact that you simply don't know where this will go from here.

Will it do well that you'd get to ask proper questions and get answers that would truly help or will he get cocky and rude that this interaction would only end up being a waste of time?

Despite being famous, he was a complete mystery to everyone. The person behind the mask was wholly unknown and that itself makes you very nervous.

With a shrug, he said, "Well, wouldn't pass helping a friend."

"Are you making your voice deep?" you asked, the sound of his voice a little too...computerized for it to be normal.

He nodded. "Voice modulator, it helps keep my secret identity, well, a secret."

"Oh, yeah, figured."

You stayed quiet again after that, arms crossing over your chest as you kept your gaze steady on him, features coated with a mixture of emotions from confusion, amazement, curiosity and everything in between.

He chuckled softly, probably noticing your painfully obvious shyness. "Got questions for me?" he prodded.

You blinked a few times before frantically nodding, recalling how you specifically said in the email that you just wanted to ask a few questions. You then took out your phone, showing him the voice recording app and asked, "Is this okay?"

Spider-Man tilted his head at you with a soft hum.

"Yeah, I trust you with it."

You smiled.

The pressure and nerves turned lighter on your shoulders as you somewhat felt more comfortable...safe around him. And there's just something about the fact that he trusts you that warms your bones. It's like he's certain you only have his best intentions in mind, as if he knows you weren't in this for a selfish gain. It's really comforting in a sense, makes you feel confident that you're on the right track.

It makes you feel good about yourself.

With a soft nod, you hit record, words of curiosity slipping out of your lips soon after. "Those webs, do they come out from you?"

"No, they don't," he chuckled, taking out a vile from his wrist and then handing it to you. "That is what you call web fluid and I make them."

You gingerly took it in your hands, eyes scanning it briefly before you gave it back. "Impressive."

"Thanks. So, the fluid is like the bullets and these right here"—he showed you the black bands on his wrists with his hands open—"Are the web shooters that make me well, shoot webs. Like so," he explained as he pressed the button on his palm, the webs streaming out soon after and snatching an empty can on the far corner before it landed back in his hand.

You pursed your lips with a nod. "So, you can make weapons," you said with a certain tone in your voice that caused him to shift in his place.

"I—uh, no?" he stuttered, placing the can back on the ground loudly and in a not-so-subtle way. "I will never build a nuclear bomb if that's what you're wondering," he rushed when you narrowed your eyes at him in suspicion.

"Didn't say anything about a nuclear bomb," you pointed out with a tilt of your head.

"I-I'm, uh, I didn't—"

"I'm just messing with you," you cut him off with a soft laugh, your nerves diminishing swiftly at how he seemed to be a little shy and awkward but in an endearing way. It makes him appear more human, normal. "You're so tense, just relax."

"Yeah…okay," he breathed out. He turned around to face the city, going from crouching to fully sitting down on the ledge, hands folding on his thighs as he looked at you over his shoulder. He jerked his head, gesturing for you to come closer to which you gladly did.

You leaned on the concrete with soft hum, placing your phone beside his thigh so it was now between you both. You scanned the beautiful city with a content smile, the view never ceasing to amaze you despite seeing it too many times before. The rooftop is your best escape after all. It was nice to be far away from everything, even if it's only for a moment. Nothing but peace coats you whenever you're up here, may it be from the gentle gush of the wind or the bright shine of the moon that spreads throughout the blanket of black sky.

With a sigh, you looked up at the mask man beside you. Flustered was what you came to be when you noticed that he was already staring at your face, the white and black of his eyes looking somewhat soft, and you swear he looked almost as if he's smiling behind the mask. Warmth was quick to coat your body, a stark contrast to the cold breeze as you cleared your throat, causing him to swiftly look away.

"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous," he chuckled shyly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. "Really want to impress you."

You felt your cheeks heat up, a timid smile growing on your lips as you shrugged. "No need to impress anyone, let alone me," you said. "Just be yourself Spider-Man."

Oh, I truly wish I could just be myself right now Y/N—

"Okay," Peter hummed with a smile.

"Are you sure this is fine?" you asked, gesturing towards your phone in the middle of you two. "I don't want to intrude or make you feel uncomfortable by recording our conversation."

Peter's heart grew warm as his smile widened. Always considerate you are, too kind for your own good. If it was someone else, he probably would've had loads of pictures taken by now. Or maybe even a hidden camera somewhere to catch him at the wrong moment. Many of which would then be posted on the internet to spread like wildfire. Not that he minded the photos and videos but it's off putting sometimes, especially when they churn out not-so-good headlines to match.

"Promise me you won't share or sell it?" he joked, mentally cursing himself soon after once he realized it's the same words he said to you earlier in the library. Although he felt a wash of relief right away when you didn't seem to notice as you only flashed him a sweet smile in return.

"I promise," you hummed, turning to face him as you leaned sideways on the ledge. "What other superpowers do you have?"

"Enhanced abilities such as super strength, I can run fast and heal fast. Dialed up senses meaning I can see, hear, smell and feel things on another level. I'm...sticky, meaning I can climb up walls and stick to stuff like how a spider would. And oh, spider sense," Peter elaborated, watching with amusement as he saw your eyes change from awe, confusion, to impressed and back to confusion.

"Spider sense?"

"I can sense danger and threats when it's coming, like I feel a tingle."

"That's really cool," you hummed, hand rapidly lifting up as you took a fast and big swing towards his shoulder. He caught your fist in his hand way before you could even have the chance to land a punch.

Peter shook his head at you in pure amusement, giving your fist a squeeze before he let it go. "That wasn't so successful now was it?" he chuckled.

"It was worth a try. Just testing the waters to see if it would trigger your 'spidey sense' as you call it," you laughed, quoting the two words with your fingers teasingly.

"It didn't because one, anyone could see that punch from a mile away, and two, I said dangers and threats," he paused, tilting his head at you adoringly. "And you're not really a threat."

"Hey, I can be threatening," you scoffed, chin up with your chest puffed out.

Peter couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his lips. "I'm sure you can. I bet you can handle yourself well, especially with proper training." He took in a deep breath before saying, "But that's not really what I meant."

"What did you mean?

"That I feel safe around you."

"Oh." You blinked at him a few times before you fully broke his gaze, suddenly turning bashful as your eyes watched the busy street below where the cars and people were scurrying about in the cold New York night. Squaring your shoulders, you added, "Well, for what it's worth, I feel safer around you now too."

Peter felt his heart leap out of his chest, a proud smile erupting on his face, gaze dropping on the ground—or lack thereof—shyly as red started to dust his cheeks. "That's worth a lot," he hummed, lifting his head at the same time you did, your eyes locking immediately.

You beamed at him sweetly, shifting on your feet before letting out a breath. "Right, onto a more serious question," you paused, gesturing at the whole of him with your hand. "Why exactly are you doing this?"

"What do you think is the reason why I'm doing what I do?" he asked back, eyes trained on your face for a moment before he looked straight ahead. He can feel your orbs burning a hole on the side of his face, your brows furrowed in a way that Peter could do nothing but grin widely. He always found your thinking face endearing.

"I don't know, could be a lot of things. Could be money, glory, revenge, bragging rights, most likely fame?" you suggested.

Peter shook his head, keeping his gaze on the building across. "If I was doing this for fame, you'd think I would've shown my face by now?"

"Touché."

"But no," he breathed out, eyes now trained on his feet as he swung them aimlessly on the edge of the building. "I just want to help to the best of my abilities. I feel like I was given these powers, me, for a reason. If I'm not going to use it for a good cause then what's the point of having them?" Peter turned to face you, holding your gaze securely, even behind the mask as he continued, "If I'm not going to help out the little guy, even if I can easily do that then, who will? I can't simply watch the world fall apart when I could've done something to prevent it or provided a little bit of help, you know?"

You nodded. "With great power comes great responsibility."

Peter cracked a smile. "Yeah, exactly," he hummed, gaze dropping to stare at his gloved hands, turning it over before clasping it together with a sigh.

"How do you feel about the people who think you're not on the good side? That you have some hidden agenda?"

"I pity them if I'm being honest."

"How so?"

"I mean, if you're at a point in life where you can't accept that someone is helping simply for the sake of helping, then you've must've gone through a lot to not trust easily," Peter started, fingers fidgeting with his web shooters before he met your gaze. "We've been taught to always think that there's an incentive in all that we do. If you give, you have to receive and vice versa. But why can't we simply give and not expect something in return? People are so accustomed to the whole give and take thing that when someone just gives, it feels unfamiliar. That's why they get suspicious. They overthink that surely I'm doing this for something else when there's really no other reason than simply wanting to help.

"I also get it. It's a cruel world we're living in unfortunately where we have to keep one eye open. But I wish people would begin to accept that someone is helping to make the world a better place by simply wanting to have a safe and better place. No hidden agenda whatsoever," he finished, brown orbs catching sight of how your smile grew wider, brighter.

"You're a wise man," you said with an appreciative nod. "With a really good heart too."

"Thanks. I try my best."

"I'd say you've probably lived a life, traveled the world, seen so many new things, been to space," you trailed off, raising a brow at him in question.

"Yeah, you could say that," he chuckled.

"Are you a billionaire? Are you a prince in disguise or maybe a king? Are you a lawyer? Or maybe some kind of mythical being like Thor?" you poked.

Peter laughed, shaking his head as he shrugged. "Nah, I'm just a kid from Queens."

Shit.

Peter you fucking idiot. You absolute dumbass—

"Huh, I've got a best friend who's from Queens," you muttered, voice barely above a whisper but thanks to his enhanced hearing abilities, of course he heard it loud and clear.

Peter bit the insides of his cheek to stop his smile, even though you weren't going to see it anyway since he has a mask on. I know you do. "Come on, I want to show you something," he said aloud instead, standing up to his full height with his hand out for you to take.

You narrowed your eyes at his outstretched palm before you looked up at his masked face. "Are you going to kidnap me now and sell my organs?"

Peter threw his head back with a hearty laugh, the sound ringing in the air as he shook his head at you. "No, I'm going to show you New York from a different angle," he said, smiling widely as he leaned over closer, hand open wide. "Do you trust me?"

"You did not just quote Aladdin," you laughed, taking your phone off the ledge to stop recording before shoving it in your pocket.

Peter shrugged with a sheepish grin. "What if I did?"

You smiled widely at that, placing your hand securely in his and giving it squeeze. "Then yes, I trust you."

Peter hoisted you up on the ledge with ease, both of you now standing side by side on the edge of the building. A small squeak came out of you when you curiously looked down and saw that the ground was actually very far away, your grip on his hand tightening when all you could think of was splat. He chuckled, moving closer to you as he lifted your arm and placed it over his shoulders, your eyes snapping back up to look at his masked face.

"Is this okay?" he hummed, his arm wrapping around your waist strongly once you gave him a nod approval. "Hold tight," Peter said.

"Please don't let me go," you whispered, worry-filled eyes boring into his own while a mixture of both nervousness and excitement coated your features.

"Never."

Peter jumped.

You screamed.

The strong gush of the wind swiftly hit your face, hair whipping around as your grip around him tightened starkly. You felt your stomach churn while you swung in the air, passing one building to another, going high up and then dropping back down in a swooping motion. Your legs wrapped itself around his waist almost instinctively, all in fear of falling to your death.

"This was a bad idea!" you screeched, head buried on the crook of his neck, eyes shut tight ever since your feet left the ledge.

"Open those eyes Y/N! You're missing all the fun!" Peter laughed, giving your waist a reassuring squeeze. He felt you slowly pull your head away from his neck, lids inching open one by one until you finally gawked at the wonderful lights and blaring colors of the city in awe.

Your mouth fell agape the more you took the sight in, the city a blur but somewhat beautiful in its own unique way. You loosened your grip around his shoulder just so you could lift a hand up in the air, a satisfied hum vibrating in your chest as you felt the cold wind brush through your fingertips in the most comforting way.

That's when you let out a gleeful laugh.

Peter felt his heart melt ten times over at the beautiful sound. His cheeks were hurting from grinning ear to ear the more he took in how you're having the best time.

You looked absolutely breathtaking, the city lights casting a glow over your features, eyes holding nothing but pure bliss and wonder with that lovely, bright smile of yours to match.

The city was pretty sure, Peter loves seeing it at night whenever he does his patrol. But you, you were gorgeous, a stunning sight that he could never ever have enough of. You never do fail to make his heart stop, never fail to take his breath away, never fail to make his limbs all weak and Peter found himself falling deeper despite trying his hardest not to.

"This is so cool—no!" you shrieked, eyes wide with fear as you shot high up midair and went free falling for a few horrifying seconds before you landed back into his embrace, slotting right into his chest. Peter laughed as you quickly went to latch onto him, your grip viselike with both arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist. He wrapped an arm around you securely as his other hand held tightly on the web, both of you now face to face as you continued to swing in the air.

You lifted your head up to look at him fully, faces now inches apart as you stared right into each other's eyes. Peter felt his heartbeat quicken when your orbs held a certain spark, as if you could see the actual him right behind the mask. His eyes fell on your lips, slightly parted as you gawked at him. They look really soft, very pretty, inviting.

He gulped.

At that point Peter wasn't sure if he was thankful or annoyed that he was wearing a mask. Because if he wasn't, then he would've already done something he might regret—or not—later on, especially with the consequences that would come with it.

But when you opened your mouth to start to speak, that's when Peter grew even more nervous on what could possibly be running in your thoughts.

Did you figure it out?

You didn't get a chance to say whatever it was you wanted to say when all movements stopped, Peter releasing you from his hold right as you felt your feet touch the ground.

"That was mean," you said once you gently pulled away from him. "You said you wouldn't let me go," you added, adjusting your hair and clothes before you shot him a pout.

"I'm sorry, I got a little distracted," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with a shy chuckle. It was a full on accident, mind preoccupied by all things you that he unconsciously loosened his grip around your waist which in turn, made you slip out of his grasp. "I'll always catch you though."

You pursed your lips at him with a tilt of your head. "If I hadn't known better I'd say you're flirting with me, Spider-Man."

Peter felt the heat rush up to his face in a split second. "I-I'm, uh—"

"Whoa," you cut him off once your eyes landed on the gorgeous city of Manhattan but much farther away and wider as you stood on a much higher building. The tall structures that surrounded the scene seemed like toys with their size, the lights that gleamed looking like little specks of stars floating in the air with the Empire State Building right at the middle of it all. "I haven't seen it this high up before," you said, giving him a swift glance before your eyes were back on the scenery. "It's really beautiful."

"Yeah, very beautiful," Peter sighed, brown orbs never leaving your features, his heart thumping in his chest, loud and fast, each beat all for you.

He walked over to where you were stood until your arms were brushing against each other. You spared him a glance, your smile wide and soft in a way that made his heart grow warm. But then you leaned your head on his shoulder and Peter swore he might as well die from a heart attack. If it were you with the enhanced senses, then you would probably catch him out quickly with how frantic and loud each beat his heart was making.

It wasn't new to him of course. You've always been the affectionate kind. And being your best friend, he's always at the receiving end of those affections.

But tonight feels a little different.

The fact that you feel safe around him without having to see his face, when all you see is Spider-Man, it makes his heart melt. The simple fact that you're comfortable when you're near him, that you can feel that you can trust him is really reassuring in a sense. It's like your heart is already familiar with who he is despite your brain—or your eyes—telling you that the person you're standing with right now is a complete stranger.

It feels really special when looking at it in that perspective, it makes Peter feel special.

Sudden boldness coursing through his bones, Peter snaked an arm around your shoulder with a gentle squeeze in the process. It took every ounce of his superhuman strength to keep his legs upright when you inched closer to his side, a soft breath coming out of you, a satisfied one. His eyes glowed with utmost adoration as it traced your features, from the soft smile playing on your lips to the twinkle in those irises as you kept your gaze on the stunning city in front. It baffles him how his heart quickened it's pace even more, just the sight of you in pure bliss. God he was so in love with you and you don't even have an ounce of clue.

Just say it out loud, tell her.

No, I can't. For her, I can't.

"It's getting late. I should probably head back home," you hummed, lifting your head off his shoulder to look at him. Peter nodded, arm dropping to your waist as he crouched down a little, just so you could sling an arm around his shoulder. "No dropping me this time," you warned, narrowing your eyes at him teasingly.

Peter laughed with a nod. "Yes ma'am."

The swing back to your apartment building took no time.

Despite wanting to drag the night out a little longer, Peter knew he can't do that to you when your debate was tomorrow, especially among countless papers and homework he knows you need to get to. Plus, he has his own errands he needs to tend to as well. Both of you landed on the ledge smoothly with you laughing at some bad joke he made. Peter helped you down like the gentle man that he is and giving your hand one last squeeze before he lets it go.

"Thank you for tonight," you said as you turned to his figure that remained standing on the ledge. Nothing but a wide, genuine smile played on your lips as you added, "Everything of tonight."

"Don't mention it," Peter said sweetly. "I had a really great time with you—shit. I hope that doesn't sound creepy or anything but I really did enjoy tonight, you know, our conversation, getting close with you and feeling you close to me while we were swinging...okay, I'll stop talking."

You let out the sweetest giggle that Peter could do nothing but swoon, his eyes softening as he tilted his head at you with the most adoring smile he could ever have the pleasure of wearing.

"I had a great time being close with you, too," you hummed, holding his gaze for a moment before you casted your eyes at the ground shyly. Shifting from your heels and toes, you pointed towards the rooftop door, before timidly meeting his eyes again. "I should probably—"

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Peter chuckled, shooting you a curt nod. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight, Spider-Man," you said, swiftly turning around as you went towards the door, giving him one last glance over your shoulder when you pulled it open. He gave you a wave in response, your smile widening before you slipped inside and closed the door right behind you.

Peter had the stupidest, most shit-eating grin on his face that he don't think he could ever wipe off, eyes fluttering close as he spread his arms wide. With a satisfied breath, he slowly leaned backwards, letting gravity take its course as pure euphoria coated every fiber of his being.

Never has he ever felt such joy, freedom and utmost content as Peter lets himself fall.

***

"Hello there."

Peter looked up from his notes only to be met by a set of green eyes, completely taking him by surprise since it wasn't the pair of orbs he was expecting—and really excited—to see. It confused him to the core as to why one of the most popular girls on campus was sitting down right in front of him in the library.

"Hi?" he said, word coming out more as a question than a statement as he furrowed his brows.

"Peter right? Marjorie," she introduced, hand coming across the table to which he shook gingerly.

"Yeah, that's me." Peter smiled shyly, the crease on his forehead deepening the more he raked his brain as to why she's talking to him in the first place. Of course he knows who she is, the whole school does. Hell, he can already hear the whispers of gossip echoing about all because she's sitting right at his table, or as a matter of fact, simply because she's in the room. That's how big of a deal she is.

Marjorie moved forward, both her arms resting on the table with her bust right on top of it, the low cut top she wore doing so little to hide it, cleavage right up his face. Peter was quick to look away with a clear of his throat, eyes trained on his notes as a blush coated his cheeks.

She suddenly brought two fingers under his chin, prompting him to look back up. "Look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you pretty boy," she purred, a sly smirk growing on her lips when his blush deepened. She inched closer until she was fully leaning over the table and into his space, her thumb running across his chin teasingly. Peter's eyes grew wide in downright surprise and confusion, keeping his gaze locked with hers and never looking anywhere else—mostly not looking down—as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Anyway, I heard you're really smart and I happen to find you really cute too. Not just a pretty face, aren't you Peter. So, I was wondering—"

Peter could feel you coming, hear you even, that all too familiar sound of your giddy and specifically patterned footsteps ringing in his ears. And dare he say it, he could smell your shampoo, the scent gradually growing stronger which was a clear indication that you were getting closer to the library.

He was left downright confused when you only stopped at the door, your heartbeat quickening by a mile as you stilled. Peter grew worried at the uneven sound of your breathing, all shallow and labored, the first thing that happens whenever you're in slight panic. He removed his eyes briefly from the girl across him only to see you turn on your heel in one swift motion and then completely disappearing from sight.

What was wrong? Where were you going?

"I, uh, I'm really sorry but I need to go." Peter quickly pulled his face away from Marjorie's hand, standing up from his seat all while shoving his things in his backpack. "I-It was nice meeting you," he said with a small smile before he sprinted towards the door.

He didn't see you anywhere near the building, didn't see you anywhere on campus at all.

It worried him even more when you ignored his texts and calls for the rest of the day. He knew your schedule but somehow, the moment he reached your class, you were already gone. Or maybe you hadn't even attended class in the first place. There was no other way of him knowing your whereabouts and he was growing really concerned by the second as to what had happened. So, he went with the last option he could think of on finding you quicker.

Peter slipped his mask on with a sigh, the sun already going down when he decided to try and pay you a visit in a very different set of clothes.

***

"Hi."

"What the fu—" You jumped with a yelp as you swiftly turned to face him, hand over your chest to try and calm your heart as you gaped at his masked face. "What are you doing here?"

Three times he's passed your apartment building and you weren't home. But by the fourth try, Peter's worry could only grow some more when he saw you out on the rooftop. You never stay out on the rooftop unless something was deeply bothering you.

"Wanted to know how the debate went," Peter reasoned, not the main agenda but it wasn't entirely a lie either.

"Well, my team won so that's great," you sighed dejectedly, leaning down to rest your elbow on the ledge while your chin landed on your palm.

"You don't seem enthusiastic? You still don't think I'm a friend?"

"No, no, I do now. It's just things in here." You tapped your temple, letting out another sigh when you brought your finger down to your chest, right where your heart is supposed to be and added, "Or in here rather."

Peter frowned. "What's up?"

"Who knew Spider-Man was into gossip," you teased, turning to flash him a small smile.

"Just curios," he hummed with a casual shrugged, settling himself down on the ledge, facing you this time around. "Besides, it's always better to let it out."

"It's just boy problems," you breathed out, eyes back on the orange tinted sky.

Peter felt a lump grow in his throat, heart sinking to his stomach at the thought of you thinking about another guy. He was quick to scold himself, telling his mind not to be selfish as he cleared his throat.

"Hit me."

"Well, there's this boy I like—" you stopped yourself, lips pursed as you started to fidget with your fingers, thinking face that Peter knows so well now in full play. "Actually no, I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember," you admitted.

The ache in Peter's heart grew sharper, painful and overwhelming that he felt his body run cold. His throat grew dry that he could do nothing but nod his head with a hum to tell you he's still following.

"He's amazing, greatest guy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and he has never failed to show that he cares about me. He's always there for me, whenever he can anyway with his hectic life. And he makes me really happy." A love-struck smile grew on your lips, eyes glowing with adoration, face holding that look of love as you bask in the sunset. The golden glow made you look even more stunning, but Peter wasn't able to fully appreciate your beauty when his mind was too preoccupied with jealous thoughts. But a second later, the joy that's coated your features slowly faded off, now replaced by one with worry.

Peter tried his best to keep his tone steady. Despite having the voice modulator on, he knows it will pick up even the slightest shake and uncertainty. "But?"

"I truly can't figure out if he's acting the way he is because he feels the same way or all of it is just an act of friendship," you paused, taking in a deep breath as you shifted on your feet. "There are moments where I do think it's more but then there are moments where I see him with another girl and I start questioning it again. Like, am I reading things wrong? Am I getting too ahead of myself by thinking he could possibly feel the same way?" You pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration. "I don't even know how to convey my own feelings—"

"You could just tell him," Peter blurted to cut you off, not wanting to hear any more as the piercing pain in his chest could only deepen the more you talk about it. He's already got the drift anyway, no need for you to explain any further.

You turned to look at him fully with furrowed brows. "Just like that?"

Peter nodded. "You are an amazing girl Y/N," he said, nothing but utmost sincerity coating his voice. He just wants you to find someone who's going to make you happy and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It seems like you've found exactly that, who was he to take that away from you by being bitter? Besides, Peter has long accepted that that someone is never going to be him. "Whoever this guy you're in love with, he's pretty lucky. If he doesn't see that then it's his loss. And if he doesn't feel the same way, then he's not the right guy for you because you deserve someone who'll love you unconditionally."

"You giving out relationship advice now too? A sideline if you're not saving the world?" you joked, only earning a shrug and a soft laugh from him. "But thank you." You flashed him a small but grateful smile.

"Always happy to help," he said. "I better get going, got a city to look after." Peter forced a smile, a useless tactic given that there was no way for you to see it anyway. He stood up to his full height before adding, "Congrats on the debate." He didn't even wait for a response when he swiftly jumped and swung as far away from your building as possible.

The second he landed on top of an abandoned warehouse, Peter immediately pulled his mask off. He couldn’t bear to leave it on a second longer or else he was going to suffocate. Sharp breaths escaped him as his back hit the brick wall, eyes screwed shut to stop any tear from slipping out of his burning eyes. He tried his hardest to calm his frantic heart, to minimize the pain by shoving his selfish thoughts away. He forced himself to think about you and your well-being instead, tried to convince himself that this was a good thing.

He doesn't doubt that this guy you're smitten with is a great one. The way you speak about him just screams it. Add that to you being great at judging character, then he knows you're in good hands. Despite it hurting like a ton of punches in the chest, Peter still hoped that whoever this guy is, he'll catch you in his arms openly and shower you with the truest love because you deserve nothing but. The pain would be worth it if he gets to see you be happy.

Peter knows that whoever this guy is, he would treat you rightly, give you everything you want and need in a way that Peter never could.

Slowly opening his eyes, he lets out a calming breath, mind slowly slipping at ease the more he thinks about how happy, content and safe you'll be with this guy if ever it will work out.

It hurts, unbearably, but his sliver of pain in exchange for your utmost happiness? Then Peter will gladly endure it.

***

The next day, Saturday noon, was when you finally decided to answer Peter's texts from the day before. You apologized for ghosting him, said you got preoccupied and left it at that. And then you asked if he wanted to go for a little stroll in the park, too make it up to him. Peter could never say no to you so here you were, side by side under the afternoon sun, aimlessly walking around a nearly deserted park outskirts of the main city.

"Why'd you disappear yesterday?" he asked, both his hands in his pockets while yours were looped in his. "I saw you stop by at the library but you didn't come and say hi."

You shrugged, eyes trained on the pavement as you kicked at the few rocks that were lying around. "Something came up," you simply said.

Peter can't help but feel a little sting when you didn't elaborate further. Well, he already knew what had happened but that was as Spider-Man. He was hoping you'd tell him too, as Peter Parker, your long time best friend.

"Thank you for the email by the way," you spoke again when he stayed quiet, lifting your head up to spare him a bright smile. "We wouldn't have won the debate if it wasn't for you."

"Winning the debate was all on you and that incredible brain of yours. I'm not going to take credit for that," he chuckled as he shot you a knowing look. Eyes back in front, Peter added, "But I'm always here to help. That's what best friends are for."

You hummed, letting go of his arm as you skipped ahead and treaded towards the nearest tree. "What's up with you and Marjorie?" you asked, settling down on the grass, legs straight with your right ankle over you left as you leaned back against the trunk comfortably.

"What's up with what?" Peter followed you with a deep crease between his brows, sitting right beside you soon after, mirroring your position under the shade.

"You tell me, you were almost kissing when I saw you in the library so," you trailed off, picking at the shreds of greenery, throwing it purposelessly as you still avoided his gaze. "Are you two a thing now?"

Peter shook his head with a roll of his eyes. "First off, we were not almost kissing and second, no, we're not a thing," he clarified, head turned for him to see you clearly. "I didn't even get to hear what she wanted because I immediately left," he chuckled.

Your eyes snapped up to meet his. "You bailed on her in the library?"

"Sort of?" Peter scrunched his nose.

"That's a very bold move, Parker," you giggled, bumping your shoulder with his teasingly. "Most guys would've died to just be in the same room as her."

Peter let out a hearty laugh, shrugging his shoulders and said, "Well, I guess I'm not like most guys."

Marjorie was pretty, Peter won't deny that, but she could never amount to you. Even right now, when you're just sitting beside him in casual jeans and sweater, a simple but very charming smile on your lips as you looked up at the clouds, Peter was already swooning ten times over. Then comes the memory of you looking so breathtaking while he took you around the city. The stunning glow on your face as you stared at the scene in awe was still deeply engraved in Peter's mind, and he knows for a fact that that image will never leave him. Not that he was complaining anyway.

"So, how did your meeting with Spider-Man go?" he asked after a few moments of silence. A shy smile slowly grew on your lips, one that made Peter lift a brow at you in suspicion.

"He's really cool," you breathed out, your grin growing wider as you kept your gaze steadily trained at the blue sky. "He's a gentleman too, a little shy and awkward but in a cute way. Plus, very wise and smart, like lived-a-life wise and genius smart. He then took me to swing around the city which was awesome," you gushed, a dreamy glow coating your face as you met Peter's eyes. "That night is going to be a night I'll remember for the rest of my life for sure."

Peter couldn't help the smug grin that grew on his face. "If I hadn't known better I'd say you have a crush on Spider-Man," he teased, wriggling his brows at you.

"Shut up," you scoffed with a roll of your eyes.

"It's obvious. You have that dreamy look on your face when you talk about him," he poked even more, nudging you with his elbow playfully.

"No, I don't," you laughed as you pushed him away. "Besides, I've got my eyes on someone else already."

Peter's heart sunk.

He found himself playing with the sleeves of his hoodie as he avoided your gaze, trying his hardest to keep his feelings at bay before you'd notice the change in his demeanor. "Care to share with your best friend?" he offered, wondering if you're finally willing to tell him about this mystery guy.

You stayed quiet, eyes fluttering close as you rested your head on his shoulder. Peter kept his gaze steady on you, everything else silent aside from the sound of the rustling leaves of the tree. But then you let out a nervous breath, heartbeat picking up the pace in a way that made Peter grow curious as to what's on your mind.

"I love you," you blurted out of the blue, a slight shake in your voice as you kept your eyes shut.

Although confused, Peter responded, "I love you too—"

"No, Peter," you paused, shifting in your place, pulling away from him as you sat up straighter. You finally met his brown orbs, all while countless of emotions swam in yours. "I love you," you whispered but with your voice firm and laced with pure sincerity, eyes holding his with such intensity that he quickly understood.

Peter stared at you in shock.

Slowly, but surely, everything started to click inside his head. The confession you shared with Spider-Man. When you said you'd seen this guy with another girl...the library. Was that why you quickly ran out? When you saw...almost kissing. Was that the reason why your heart suddenly grew at panic?

The guy you were gushing about so fondly, the same one you said you were in love with for a long time now, the one Peter was growing jealous of...it was him.

You were talking about him, Peter Parker.

He grew at a loss for words as he gawked at you, a smile growing on his lips as he felt his heart stop its course and then beat again but with twice the pace. Peter was so happy, over the universe as pure warmth filled him up from head to toe. The mere thought that you felt the same, it was too good to be true. But it was, he can see it clear in your eyes, it was real.

You love him.

But then his mood was quick to shift, smile slipping off his face, the warmth and joy that coated his bones replaced by fear and worry in a snap of a finger.

Peter's heart stopped at the sight in front of him.

You were getting held at knifepoint by the throat, tears brimming in your eyes, more of it coating your cheeks as you clawed at the arm that trapped you in their vise hold.

"P-Peter, I love you," you whimpered, gaze locking with his, hope slipping out of your orbs, the glow they once held getting dimmer by the second in a way that made a shiver run down his spine. Then Peter heard it, that piercing cackle he knew too well, his brown eyes meeting the yellow ones that glowed right behind you.

"You won't be able to save the love of your life, Spider-Man...or should I say, Peter Parker!"

Peter shook his head frantically as he yelled out your name, running at full speed to get to you only to be met by sudden darkness, your heart wrenching scream ringing in his ears followed by an agonizing sound of a body hitting the floor. Peter's blood ran cold as he frantically called out your name, over and over and over yet nothing but eerie silence echoed back at him.

And then he looked down, eyes landing on his trembling hands, each finger, both palms coated with blood, your blood.

You were gone.

"No, no, no," Peter rushed, voice quivering, hastily getting up on his feet as he looked at you worryingly. "You can't, Y/N. You can't love me."

It's not safe for you to love me.

The look of pure pain that ghosted over you features squeezed at Peter's heart, the pit in his stomach ever growing the more he thought of what he was about to do.

You stood up shakily to be level with him, deep frown on your lips, confusion and hurt swimming in your eyes as you asked, "Why'd you seem disgusted? You could just say you don't feel the same way."

"N-No, it's not that, neither of that because—" he sucked in a sharp breath, a hand running through his hair as he stared into your eyes longingly. "I do feel the same way about you."

You screwed your eyes shut as you shook your head. "Please don't lie to make me feel better, Peter," you pleaded, the break in your voice a sharp stab at his chest.

"When have I ever lied to you?" Peter internally winced at his bold and very false claim. Nothing but guilt filled his stomach given that he lies to you almost every day. He lies to you about his whereabouts, lies to you about his reasons. Peter lies to you every goddamn day by not telling you he's Spider-Man.

"Then why are your actions speaking something else then?" You gestured towards him as a whole, at the obvious distance that he's put between you two. Your eyes were slowly glossing up as you tried to simply understand what was going on.

Peter sighed, "I just don't want to hurt you okay? I—I don't want you to lose faith on the things you love because of me."

I don't want you to lose your life because of me.

"You're not making any sense," you said frustratedly.

"I'm not qualified to be a good boyfriend, Y/N. I won't be there with you all the time. I'd probably cancel on you on so many dates," Peter paused, meeting your eyes so you could see where he was coming from. "Hell, how many times have I bailed on you right now as your best friend huh? The amount of times I've left you on the street to go home alone?"

Your frown deepened as you held his eyes with nothing but sadness. "You had things going on Peter. You're being really unfair on yourself," you said.

"But you still don't deserve to be treated like that. Not now, not ever, no matter the reason," he pushed. "You deserve all those romantic clichés you're always dreaming of, you deserve to be treated like the queen that you are. You deserve the whole world Y/N, but I won't be able to give you that." Peter's voice broke, eyes holding too many emotions as he kept his gaze steady with yours. A painful task with all the pain and betrayal that's coated your eyes, utmost hurt glaring right at him. "Being with me won't be a fairytale."

Peter wasn't ignorant to the fact that you were a hopeless romantic. The countless rom-coms you've watched together have long ago proved that. The specific look in your eyes, that certain glimmer that washes over your face whenever the couple would kiss under the snow or even in the rain, or whenever they'd go on romantic walks on the beach or simply be in each other's arm whenever it's needed, Peter has memorized it. The little changes in your face whenever you see those clichés, he knows it like the back of his hand, knows how you're craving that kind of simple but true love.

But Peter can't give you any of that. Not right now.

"But I don't want a fairytale. I want to be with you. I don't care if we don't get to do any romantic clichés, being with you would surpass all of that, being with you would be more than enough. And I'm willing to try and make it work with whatever you've got going on, even if I have to make sacrifices in the process. Why can't you see that Peter?" you argued, hands clenched into fists on your sides in mere frustration.

Peter winced, the word sacrifice too heavy for him to hear. It was too painful to even fathom what you would possibly sacrifice for him, that you would probably even sacrifice all of it for him, including your life.

"No, no, please don't," he begged. "I don't want you to sacrifice anything for me. I would never want you to sacrifice those little things that make you smile. I don't want you to sacrifice your happiness for me." Peter shook his head in utter distress, palm rubbing at his face harshly that had the tip of his nose turn red. "And what happens then if it doesn't work? You'll only get disappointed. You'll only end up hating me. By then, I would have already put you through so much hurt all for nothing. I don't want that for you, Y/N."

"How'd you know that when you haven't even tried?" you whispered, bottom lip trembling. "It's like you're not even willing to try," you whimpered.

The second Peter saw the single tear that ran down your cheek he instinctively moved closer, hands reaching out, desperate to hold you, to get to tell you it's going to be alright, to apologize over and over for all the pain he has caused. But you stopped him with the palm of your hand. He felt his heart drop the moment you took a step back, shaking your head, bottom lip desperately caught between your teeth to silence your sobs.

Peter nodded gravely, his arms falling limp by his sides, fully understanding that you don't want him near. He doesn't blame you by one bit. "It's not that I'm not willing to, I just," he paused as he let out a shaky breath. "I don't trust myself to be with you. I don't trust myself with your heart because I know I will only end up breaking it. I'll only let you down." I don't trust myself to keep you safe from harm. I'll only fail you just like how I failed them. Peter confessed, brown orbs turning glossy, all from a mixture of pain and anger. He was so angry at himself for putting you through all this hurt, you don't deserve it, not even a single ounce of it.

Yes, he can try, see where this will go and do his best to be there for you at all times. But that's not set on stone, never a clear promise because he doesn't know what his tomorrow is going to bring. He doesn't know if he's staying in the neighborhood one minute and then entering another dimension the next. Being Spider-Man, he doesn't have a schedule where Peter can organize things as a matter of priority, being Spider-Man requires its own sets of sacrifices. Peter doesn't want you to feel the burden of those sacrifices, too.

He doesn't doubt that you would be understanding enough with whatever it is he has going on but that's exactly the problem. He knows you'll take the bare minimum, you'll put him first above your wants and needs. You're just too kind that way, too big of a heart. But Peter can't have that because it's just not right; it's not what you should settle for. You deserve all the dates, all the romantic walks, all the cuddles and kisses whenever you're down, all the stress free nights where you don't have to worry about him or wait for him to come back to you safe and unharmed, all the time and effort, you deserve all of it and more.

And right now, Peter can't give you what you deserve.

"Or maybe you just don't love me in the way you say you do," you accused, voice soft but the sting in it sharp.

"That's not fucking true because I love you with every ounce of my being," he protested in low growl, desperately tugging at his hair, frustrated that he can't tell you his full reasons as to why exactly he can't be with you. "I love you too much and I want to be with you so badly—"

"Then why is that not enough?" you stressed.

"You don't understand—"

"Then make me understand!" you snapped, tears running freely down your face as you looked at him with utmost despair.

"It's not that fucking simple Y/N!" Peter saw you flinch at the sudden boom of his voice, his heart cracking at the sight. He felt everything in him gradually break the more you stared at him with nothing but anguish. He took in a deep breath to calm himself before he slips out any words that he'll only regret later on. Blowing out his cheeks, he croaked, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just—"

Peter tried again and walked closer to you, trembling hands slowly reaching in mere need to feel your skin on his to ground him back, relief washing over him when you let him. He felt his heart warm up a little when you didn't pull away from his touch. But the broken sob you let out when he cupped your face, it was too excruciating for him to hear. The agonizing grip on Peter's heart tightened as he stared right into your eyes, the same ones that once held so much joy but was now flooded with tears and grief, their gorgeous glow snuffed out, all because of him.

"I'm just trying to protect you, please, trust me on that," he whispered, not even trying to hide the brokenness in his voice anymore, not even trying to hold back his tears as Peter pressed his forehead against yours.

The little droplets fell down on your face, his tears joining yours on your already damp skin. His thumb oh so tenderly tried to wipe them all away, wishing that it was as easy as that to ease up your pain, to take away your hurt so simply, but he knows it wasn't. It wasn't an easy choice and Peter knows it never will be.

"I love you so much, don't you ever, ever doubt that. B-But we can't. I'm really sorry Y/N, but we can't be together. I-I know this hurts right now, trust me, I know, but I will only make it much worse," he choked, shaking his head when you leaned into his palm with a broken breath. But you kept your eyes open, held his gaze with utter strength and Peter saw it, saw how you still looked at him with love in your eyes. Despite it being mixed with pain, it was there, clear and honest. God he did not fucking deserve you at all.

"You deserve someone who'd treat you the way you deserve to be treated, someone who'd truly show you how it feels to be loved completely and not just the bare minimum. You deserve someone who'd be so much better than me." Peter's voice broke at the end of his sentence, eyes still holding yours just so you could see the other things he can't put into words, the things he couldn't say aloud. He was desperately, silently pleading that you would see right through him, so you could understand why he has to do this. "Maybe in another life, we could make this work. But right now I'm asking, begging you not to love me, because I don't deserve that love, I don't deserve you at all."

Peter practically saw your heart shatter into pieces even more with the simple look in your eyes. It's an absolute torture to look into them right now, to see you be so broken that he found himself wishing that it was only him in pain instead. Even though the thought hurts, he wished you didn't love him. Even though it would be painful to endure, to live in a world where his feelings aren't reciprocated, Peter wished you didn't love him at all if it meant it was going to save you from heartbreak.

Better him in pain than you, always.

Breath unsteady, you closed your eyes with a small nod. "I guess this is it," you sniffled, placing your hands over his, your touch tender as you gave it a squeeze. But then you pulled it away from your face, Peter's hands slipping off your skin as you put some much needed distance between you two.

"Y/N—"

"I don't think we can go back to the way things were after this Peter. I'm sorry I just—I don't think I can handle it." You shook your head with a soft cry, forcing yourself to look back into those brown orbs as you whispered, "I can’t take it."

Peter pressed his lips into a thin line, eyes casted on the grass with a solemn nod as he croaked out, "Then I guess this is it."

"Goodbye, Peter."

He screwed his eyes shut at the sound of your broken voice, the heartbreaking sob that followed soon after made him let out a shaky breath. The sound of your footsteps felt like gunshots, each step taken like a bullet wounding him deep but Peter didn't dare to respond, didn't even dare to look up as you briskly walked away.

Peter had to keep his head down because he didn't have enough strength, didn't have the sense of control to stay still in his place. He knows that if he does as much as look up and catch your figure, he'll run after you, full speed. He'll pull you back into his arms; he'll pour all his love into one kiss as he holds you tightly. He'll keep you in his embrace for eternity the moment he gives in into his selfish needs. But he shouldn't. He needs to let you go, he has to let you walk away, for your sake.

The farther the sound of your footsteps got, the tighter his fists grew, fingernails digging into his palms as his breathing became labored, harsh. Peter swiftly turned around and took a hard swing at the tree once you were gone, glad that no one was around to see the whole thing shake from his strength. The bark cracked under his knuckle, leaves falling around him just as his knees gave out. A sharp, broken, frustrated scream escaped his lips as he buried his face in his hands, body shaking with all the anger and pain, trembling from his heart wrenching sobs.

Peter felt like his lungs were about to give out, emotions overflowing and scorching all while feeling numb just the same. But he kept reminding himself why he's doing this for him to get by, kept telling himself that being far apart was for the best.

For your sake.

***

The wind was cold on your face as you stood out on the rooftop to escape. The night breeze was slowly drying up your tears, much to no use since it's replaced by fresh ones the second after anyway. You don't know how long you've been crying for, but it wouldn't really matter. Your tears could run out but the pain in your heart could only deepen with each ticking second.

You were worried, angry, hurt, frustrated and confused all the same, unable to tie everything together as it all just seemed like a whole jumbled mess in your head, an incomplete puzzle.

You're not naïve to think that there wasn't more to this than he's letting on. You know he was hiding bits and pieces, his words completely restrained. You saw it in his eyes how he was battling his mind. You saw how he was struggling to not slip out whatever it was he was holding back. It was painful, all of it, from seeing him so distressed to him breaking your heart with his care-filled yet hurtful words.

You get where he's coming from, about wanting you to experience it all and more and not just the bare minimum. If it was a different circumstance, the things he said would've been sweet, how he wants you to have the world, how he wants you to live all those clichés just so he could see you smile, see you be happy. But right now, his words just felt bittersweet since you lost him in the process.

All those days of imagining all the different scenarios on what it would look like, how it would feel when he admits he feels the same way, not once did you ever expect that Peter Parker saying he loves you would feel like a knife to the heart.

What hurts even more is the fact that he is so keen on shutting any chance, and sliver of hope down. He won't even try, like you're not worth any risks at all. It makes you question how important you actually are to him, makes you question if he really does love you in the way he claims he does.

"Ahem."

"Shit!" you squeaked, head snapping towards the squatted figure, eyes landing on the familiar masked man who seemed to like the element of surprise. "You need to stop doing that!"

"Sorry, should've given you a heads up," he apologized, voice sounding a little hoarse, a little...different.

"No shit," you grumbled, hastily wiping away your tears with the sleeves of your sweater before you turned back to face him. "What's brought you here?"

"Was just in the neighborhood, saw you out here and I thought I'd swing by," he said with a casual shrug, gaze steady on the building across. You did just the same as you turned back in front, fingers drumming on the concrete ledge as you stood in silence for a couple minutes, his company soothing in some odd way. But you welcome it, makes you feel more present, stopping you from slipping neck deep into the chaos that's in your head.

"You okay? You seem a bit down," he said, voice still a little gruff, eyes everywhere else but at you.

"Well, I guess you can say that," you breathed out.

"Want to talk about it?"

You bit your bottom lip when it started to tremble, a fresh batch of tears brimming in your eyes. "I told him," you whispered. "You know that friend I talked to you about? I told him I'm in love with him and he wasn't too happy with it. He pushed me away, I—" You shook your head with a shaky breath, eyes now trained on the busy street below. You swallowed the lump in your throat before adding, "He said he loved me but he pushed me away."

The superhero beside you cleared out his throat, shifting in his place until he was fully seated down, his legs hanging off the side of the building. "Did he tell you why?"

"He said he wouldn't be a good boyfriend and that he won't be there for me when I need him. He said I deserved better, which doesn't make any sense because he's already been doing that, being there for me. And I have no doubt he'd treat me rightly but he doesn't seem to believe that himself," you whimpered, harshly wiping away the tears that rushed out your eyes, not wanting to seem pathetic for a boy, not to seem weak in front of the masked hero.

"Hey, you don't have to act all tough for me," he reassured, hand coming up to give your shoulder a comforting squeeze for a short but sweet moment. "It's okay to cry, it doesn't mean you're weak."

You nodded, grateful for his understanding, flashing him a sad smile for a second before you stared back at the city. "And I get he's got a lot going on, I do too but what's painful is that he's not even willing to try and see if it would work or not. It hurts to think that I'm willing to try and make ends meet, that I would do anything to be with him, but he won't do the same for me. It makes me feel like I'm not worth fighting for, that I'm not enough."

"That's not true, Y/N," he whispered, almost as if didn't want you to hear it, your brows furrowing a little as you spared him a glance. He was already looking at you but the second your eyes landed on his face, he swiftly looked away. "What else did he say?" he asked swiftly, voice louder with a clear of his throat.

"He said he can't be with me because he didn't want to hurt me which sounds so fucking stupid since he's hurting me now. Really badly," you whimpered, bottom lip quivering as you screwed your eyes shut, taking in deep calming breaths, steadying yourself before you opened them again.

"Maybe he is just trying to look out for you," he started, head tilted to the side as he looked at you with a shaky breath. "Sometimes the best way to protect someone is to keep them at a safe distance, to not get too close to them, both physically but mostly emotionally."

You frowned, gaze landing back on the white fabric that's covered his eyes. "You do that too? Push people away?"

"I don't want to but I have to," he sighed, looking down at his hands like they were too heavy, like they hold so much weight over his life, caused him so much trouble and pain. He stared at them for a few seconds more before his fingers started to pick at his web shooters. "It's the best way to keep the people I care about safe."

"Because of all the bad guys chasing after you?"

He let out a soft chuckle as he nodded. "Yeah, you could say that."

You turned to face him fully, deep frown still etched on your lips as you crossed your arms over your chest. "Does that not get lonely?"

"It does." He nodded dejectedly, his eyes still looking elsewhere. "But it's better than seeing the ones I love get hurt because of the sole reason that they love me and that I love them just as much, if not more. Once they find out who I am, they're going to use that against me. They will always use that against me." The pain and hurt that coated his voice in his last sentence, you heard it loud and clear, makes you wonder what hardships he could've gone through to feel this way. "I think it's best to keep them away from this side of my world. I admit, it's really hard for me to stay away but I just keep reminding myself that all I'm doing is trying to keep them safe as much as I can," he paused, turning his head to finally look at you and you felt your heart stop at his next set of words.

"I'm just trying to protect them."

You felt as though that the clouds cleared up above your head, the puzzle pieces falling into place, completing itself as you slowly and finally tied everything together.

All those times he's suddenly in a rush to leave with a half-assed reason, the times where you'd catch a glimpse of the random cuts and bruises he had on his body, it all became so clear. And the night you first met Spider-Man, that odd feeling you had when he squeezed your hand the first time, it finally made sense. That same night, you felt as though you were crazy when you found yourself gravitating towards a complete stranger, a masked superhero at that. You found it ridiculous how you felt like you could trust him right off the bat. When you felt a vast feeling of being safe around him in so little time, initially you told yourself that it wasn't a good thing, that it was dangerous and you should tread carefully, but now the feeling just felt awfully familiar.

That's when you fully understood everything. The knots in your head gradually untangled itself as you gawked at him, mouth slightly agape in pure shock, tears welling up in your eyes for a different reason this time. All the things he's been through, all the pain and grief from the people he's lost, the weight that the world has put on his shoulders, it made your heartbreak. It made you feel so guilty that you weren't there for him through all that.

A new found weight settled itself in your chest because as you stared right at the mask, you saw him.

"Well, I need to go. You know, got a city to look after," he chuckled shyly as he looked away, his voice sounding starkly different from the previous encounters as it now held a sense of familiarity. "See you later."

With that, he jumped off, your eyes following the red in blue under the night sky, gradually getting smaller until disappearing from sight.

You smiled, a small one, didn't quite reach your ears but it was genuine. Your heart was still aching, mostly for him than for you, but it was also now filled with the greatest pride as you whispered, just under your breath,

"See you later, Peter Parker."

-:-:-:-:-

like, reblog & leave a comment if you enjoyed! tell me your thoughts! <3

♛ Overall/Everything Taglist: @theunwantedomega @badreputatiom @fallinfortom @disneysamara @avengersficwriter @musicalkeys @apatheticanvas67482 @camimndess @tom-hlover @jjandreidsgirl @caramelscoffee @thenoddingbunny-blog @t-lostinworlds @sarcasticallywitty15 @call-me-baby-gir1 @miraclesoflove @tanakaslastbraincell @itstaskeen ♛ Peter P. Taglist: @averyfosterthoughts @darlingspidey @namoreno @keepingupwiththehollands @quaksonhehe @big-galaxy-chaos @clara-licht @dummiesshort @geminiparkers @parker-hollandx @rebekkah4766 @iwannabekilledtwice @prettyintopeerpressure @spideyspeaches @givebuckyhisplumsnow @asoftie4bucky @dandelionxgal @peterspideysstuff @zspideyy @sluttytears || @kelieah

just let me know if you want to be removed from the taglist! <3

#peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker oneshot #peter parker imagine #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker reader insert #peter parker fanfic #peter parker x reader #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x female reader #spider-man #spider-man fanfiction #spider-man imagine #spider-man oneshot #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #tom holland #my writing

664 notes · View notes

loving-all-for-loki · 3 years

Note

i really love your writing sm. could I maybe request something with Loki and reader being slow to realize that the feeling is mutual? if you dont mind <3

A/N: Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoy my writing, that makes me very happy to hear. I tried my best with this, I wasn’t really sure how to go about it, but I think I did a fun little twist to it. The italics are flashbacks. ALSO, you don’t need to know the song “Stuck In The Middle” to read this, but it will make this fic a little bit cuter if you do, so go stream it! It’s by Tai Verdes (actually just go listen to his whole album TV). I hope you enjoy this, nonnie.

Stuck In The Middle

Loki x reader

Word count: 2255

Warnings: fluff, maybe swearing I don't remember lol

Tony decided to throw another one of his giant parties, but no one is really sure why. There’s no holiday, no accomplishment to celebrate. All you know is that the tower is filled to the brim with high named people and well rounded faces. Music is blaring as people lounge around drinking or casually dancing. The Avengers are all around, scattered among the faces.

You on the other hand are leaning against a wall drinking some pop and trying to ignore the creepy men that hit on you. Parties are fine, you don’t mind them, but you don't go around gloating about your business or accomplishments. You watch Tony walk around getting praised by millionaires and celebrities with a smirk on your face. Shaking your head, you look down and give your glass of water more attention than the people.

“You really should get out there.”

Steve stands next to you with his little suit on that makes you laugh. You’re not used to seeing him all dressed up.

“I’m not a boaster. I’ll dance here and there, but conversation isn’t my forte.”

“You're having a conversation with me, so what does that say?” He laughs.

“I don’t need your technicalities, Cap,” you laugh as well.

“You don’t even have to talk to people you don’t know. We’re all here.”

“Fair enough.”

“Do you want me to stay here with you?”

“No, Steve. Go have fun.”

He smiles at you before returning to his seat at the bar by Bucky and Sam. You smile at the three of them. You do truly love your friends, even if they bother you during alone time.

“Why would you enjoy them if they bother you?”

“Loki, stop reading my mind.”

“I can’t. You’re quite loud,” he jokes.

You roll your eyes as you take another sip of your water.

“Do you not like these grand parties?” He asks.

“Eh, I don’t mind them. Just not a bragger.”

“Ah, yes. One night dedicated to gloating about your own accomplishments while putting down others.”

“No, that’s the Oscars,” you joke.

“Who is Oscar?”

“Never mind. Why you go out and dance? I bet you have some moves.”

“Not without a partner. I’m more of a partner dancer.”

“Well, there’s plenty of pretty girls around you to ask to dance.”

“Why dance with a pretty girl when I have the most beautiful one right here leaning against a wall and ignoring everyone? That’s more my style.”

“Loki, I’m flatter,” you laugh, “is this your way of asking me to dance?”

“Possibly. Thor has been bugging me to ‘get out there’ and I don’t like anyone here beside you.”

“Such a gentleman.”

Loki rolls his eyes as he takes your hand in his and leads you to the dance floor. The song changes into a fun chill song you recognize as “Stuck In The Middle”. You and Loki dance together as the two of you laugh. At some point, he pulls you into him, holding him at your chest.

“Remember when we first met?” He asks.

“Yeah, I do. You were arguing with Tony and Thor.”

“I want to return to Asgard and I will no matter what you say.”

“You’re a war criminal serving time here for your attacks. If you even attempted to go back, the American army would shoot you down.”

“And good luck to them.”

“My brother is a god, Man of Iron, do not forget.”

“Shut it, point break. You can try to leave if you want to die.”

Loki scoffs at Tony’s threat. As he goes to open his mouth, he sees a girl wander into the living area and scour the kitchen. The three watch her in silent and she opens every cabinet. Loki is curious by the girl with her long black hair and sweats on, clearing not caring about the argument happening. She finally turns around with her mouth filled with pretzels from shoving them in. She looks at the two gods and Tony with a wide eyed look, clearly asking “what” in her face and shrugging.

“Am I interrupting something?” She asks after swallowing.

Tony laughs and shakes his head, walking over to her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

“You’re fine, sweetheart. We’re just having a disagreement. Go enjoy your pretzels,” Tony chuckles.

Loki watches the way she submits to Tony and follows his lead, wondering who she is and why she listens to Tony without hesitation.

“I was so intrigued by you, this small little thing who looked so full of life. What happened to her?”

You laugh hard, “You got to know me, that’s what.”

Loki hadn’t seen the innocent girl in two weeks, wondering if she was even real. There had been some kind of glow to her so had he known better, he’d say she’s an angel.

Loki decided to coop himself up in the library while he was stuck on Midgard. Since he was stuck here, he thought he’d at least spend time doing something enjoyable. He’d spend hours in there until he had read every book and started to reread them. Then, as if the universe had heard him, the innocent girl had returned, putting a book away and getting a new one. She immediately walked out of the room and down to the tower’s elevator. Without hesitation, Loki got up and followed her at a quick pace, wanting to get in the elevator at the same time. As he walked in, they stood in silence next to each other and Loki realized he had no plan.

“I’m Loki. I don’t think we properly met.”

“Y/N.”

Loki feels his heart pound as she speaks to him with her heavenly tone. She sounds exactly like he thought she’d sound. It fits her so perfectly and he wants nothing more than to listen to her talk all day.

“I apologize for anything you heard the other day. Stark and I don’t see eye to eye.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she laughs, “He can strike a nerve sometimes.”

“That is an understatement,” Loki says, losing himself in his anger towards the billionaire.

You laugh at his comment which eases his anger. Loki is filled with joy knowing you find humor in his words, learning you’re not as stuck up as the other Midgardians.

“You read?”

“Yes, I love to.”

“What’s your favorite book?”

“Sense and Sensibility.”

“I don’t think I know that one.”

“It’s a Midgardian classic,” you say with some snark.

“I’ll have to read it. May I ask what you are doing for the rest of the day?”

The elevator opens and the two of you walk off, Loki still following you with awe.

“I’m going to spar with Steve for a little bit. You can join if you want.”

“I will not participate, but will not refuse to be of company.”

You smile at him as you walk towards the training room. Steve stands there getting ready and is surprised to see the stoic god behind you.

“Is he joining?”

“Just to watch.”

Loki sits down on the bench and leaves you to get changed and stretch. He can’t comprehend how something as sweet as you can be so willing to fight one of the super soldiers. He can’t even lie that he’s scared for you, but he’s soon proven wrong in seconds as you knock Steve down to the ground in a sweet kick. You and the super soldier go at it and you prove to be a worthy match for Steve. Loki is shocked by your swiftness and strength, clearly underestimating you.

“Well, I’m impressed.”

“I didn’t expect you to be as tough as you are.” “Wow, you underestimated me. I’m hurt, Loki,” you tease.

“I’ve learned to expect the unexpected with you.”

“How so?”

“I think we all remember your silly holiday ‘April fools’.”

April fools is one of your favorite holidays and now that the trickster god is living with you, all of the avengers are on high alert all day. No one realized he didn’t know about the special day, so Loki wondered why everyone seemed to ignore him more than usual. He walked into the living space to see you sitting on the couch with another book.

“Did I do something?” He asks.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m aware I’m not well liked, but it seems that I haven’t seen anyone all day except for you right now.”

“It’s because its’ April fools and they’re scared of you.”

A little ping of pride hits Loki.

“They’re scared of me? And what is April fools?”

“It’s a dumb holiday here where you prank people and they’re worried you’re going to pull something. After all, you are you.”

“You have a whole day dedicated to messing with people?”

“Yeah, usually it’s something simple like telling people you’re pregnant when you’re not or tying the spray nozzle on the sink together so everyone gets wet when they use it. Other people go big which is what they expected from you.”

“That doesn’t shock me,” he laughs.

“Yeah, I wanted to prank them, but I think they’ve left the building entirely.”

“You say we have the tower to the two of us?” Loki can think of a couple ways he’d spend alone time with you, but the idea of messing with the Avengers with your help is too tempting. He’ll have to put his other ideas to the side for the moment. “We can still do something.”

“Like what?”

“I’m not sure, but you could think of something, I’m sure.”

“We could glue everything down so you can use anything?”

“Like stick the together?”

“Exactly, but we could use your magic so we could reverse it later.”

“I like how you think.”

About two hours later, the Avengers return from wherever they had been throughout the day and run to their rooms to avoid Loki. As soon as they noticed the two of you relaxing on the couch, they tensed up and sprinted. You pretended to not have told Loki about anything and watched them get nervous, trying to hide your amusement.

It’s only minutes later when they all run back in yelling at you about how they can’t pick anything up or open drawers. Loki looks over to you among the chaos and smiles, seeing the wide proud smile across your face.

“That was a lot of fun. You surprised me in the past though, too.”

“Whatever do you mean?” He laughs.

You had gotten hurt on a mission and found yourself with a broken arm. Every day activities became 10x harder because you have to do it with your non-dominant hand and it’s started to get annoying. You’ve been attempting to make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for about 25 minutes now. Loki walked in to see you struggling with peanut butter all over your hand and a glob on the bread. There’s a giant tear in the middle of the piece you’re spreading it on and a frown on your face.

“You look like you’re struggling.”

“Thank you, captain obvious!” You exclaim in an angry tone, glaring daggers at the god.

“Do you need some help?”

“I would love some because clearly, I’m having some difficulty.”

Loki comes over and helps you finish making your sandwich. You sit down to eat but because of your bad mood, you don’t even want it now. Loki notices your distress and shakes it head, waving his hand by.

“You’re healed, now eat your sandwich.”

You look at him in confusion until you realize your arm doesn’t hurt as much when you move it. You rip off your cast and feel around to feel how your arm is completely healed.

“Thank you!”

“You can be very sweet sometimes.”

“Don’t let Stark hear that, he’ll think I have mind controlled you.”

The Avengers all sit around the bar and watch you and Loki dance. They have a big smile on their face as they see you two have fun, laughing and talking. Thor has never seen his brother look so relaxed and joyful before, it’s refreshing to see him happy. Steve and Tony don’t miss the way you look at Loki, it’s filled with more love than any friends would look at each with.

“You think there’s more there?” Thor asks.

Steve and Tony turn to look at him with confused yet amused faces. “Thor, you really are an idiot,” Tony laughs.

The song comes up to the last chorus and you and Loki have stopped talking. He swings you around and holds his body next to yours. The music get’s both of your attention.

Cause we’re stuck in the middle of lover and friends

And we’re losing every part of the benefits

You’ve hurt me more than I ever knew

But it’s shitty because I’m doing the same to you

As the lyrics set in, you remember all the things Loki has done for you. Making your PB&J, recommending books, keeping you company when the Avengers are away, dancing with you at New Years parties, giving you a hug when you return from missions, and not leaving your side when you’re hurt. Loki thinks of all the things that made you bearable. Your sense of humor, the smile on your face when you see him, the way you’ll reread books you love, the way you make fun of others with him, and how you defend him when they make fun of him.

“I think I like you,” you both say.

#loki fluff #loki fanfic #loki fan fiction #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki layfeyson x reader #loki oneshot #marvel x reader

133 notes · View notes

ginkgomoon · 3 years

Text

Gavin and MC’s High School History- Detailed Timeline

Dedicated to my amazing and kind friend @cheri-cheri- one of the Queens of the MLQC fandom on Tumblr! I literally didn’t know how to use it before but I had learnt how in order to keep up with her posts. Without her work, I literally wouldn’t be on here making my own blog either. Thank you, Cheri!!

This is a timeline following the years of high school that MC and Gavin had together. Compiled of dates, rumours and secrets, calls, texts, and other from multiple servers. The source will be shown allocated to its corresponding sentence. I created this because I was really moved when I rewatched Gavin’s Old Days Date and suddenly thought of the many things other players could have missed out on regarding their high school years. If there is anything you need clarification on, or if you would like to add anything in, feel free to send a post/ask or just comment and I’ll try to incorporate and adjust accordingly!

Based off of true correspondence of the Chinese education system in Shanghai, where the schools there are very strict, with specific responsibilities and events students must have and attend to. In addition, this is different from Western school systems where years 7-9 are in a seperate schools from years 10-12 before university. Dates and seasons mentioned will also be noted as accurately as possible to suit the Loveland storyline in which different events occurred. I felt like a detective trying to piece a fractured storyline together to solve a mystery, honestly...

Prepare your tissues, your milk tea and your soul because even I almost didn’t make it to publish this...

Timeline

2008

Gavin enters high school.

2009

MC and Minor enter high school. MC does her hair in a nice ponytail, one of the only hairstyles she ever had in school.

Gavin is a grade above her. He is in his last year of high school. [Spring Festival Date]

Late Autumn of October 2010

“I noticed who you were before you ever noticed me.”

On a rainy first day of school, Gavin helps Mr Keller move the tables and chairs in the classroom.

Without taking an umbrella, Gavin leaves.

At the same time, MC saves a cat in the rain with her handkerchief, attempting to shield it from the incoming rain under a roof. She gives it snacks from her bag while sheltering it from the rain.

Gavin thinks she was nerdy-looking, but couldn't take his eyes off her and watches her from a distance for a long time. He feels out of place standing.

She looks back at him in astonishment, not knowing how long he stood for.

She smiles at Gavin.

Gavin notes that MC’s smile just like her eyes, were pure and comforting as they start filling his vision.

The rain starts to get heavier and MC shivers.

Something stirred in Gavin’s heart as he notices this, and kicks a can in frustration then shelters her with his jacket.

He runs away as MC shouts, “thank you!”

She didn’t know it was Gavin who gave her his jacket at the time.

MC goes back and is then told by her fellow classmates that the boy she encountered was the “tyrant school bully”, and “the Underworld Senior Gavin”, and that she should stay away from him. [Tilted Time- Rumours and Secrets]

MC finds piano dull to play the same songs over and over again.

MC in her spare time practices and sings to Liszt’s Liebestraum No. 3 (Love Dream) for a talent show.

At the rooftop, Gavin is wounded by a gangster’s knife. A gradually intensifying melody is heard.

Gavin kicks the gangster boss but then is pursued again. Outnumbered, wounded and losing consciousness due to major blood loss, the gangster boss kicks Gavin off the roof.

Gavin reaches out, to something- anything.

A heavy, surging melody sounded, transcending through time and allows Gavin to reflect on his past- to his father, to his late mother, and invokes deep reflection and epiphanies.

Heavy notes seep into Gavin’s ears as he almost hits rock bottom. He feels his limbs emerging with the wind and awakens his wind evol.

Gavin is now reborn.

The music continued to play. Gavin ends up humming with a bird.

He then hears MC’s singing.

MC stops, mesmerised by the ginkgo leaves flying through the wind. The ginkgo leaves falling was her favourite time of the year in high school. This vivid sight is still engraved in her memory after many years.

Gavin vows to protect her for the rest of his life. [Campus Date]

Gavin saved Minor from bullies.

Minor also happens to be MC’s outgoing, talkative desk mate who sometimes helped old ladies cross the street. How he managed to hang around Gavin and not get beaten up, nobody knew (except us). He would often copy MC’s homework but never dragged her down with him if he got caught. This was MC’s biggest impression of him.

During science class, MC cooked noodles for Minor on the Bunsen burner when he was hungry. The recipe was Shrimp flavoured instant noodles, mix two eggs in well, then add a dab of sea salt and black pepper. [S1 Chapter 7-1]

Gavin is always at the school gates at 7:30am. Carrying his flat school bag, he orders fish balls at the snack kiosk on the north side of the school. It was the third day in a row that Minor notices this. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Gavin would occasionally travel around on his bicycle. (Pre-debut Sparky??) He says he was good at riding it. [Lost Love Date]

It was hard to find Gavin as he’s rarely at school, so she didn’t see him until 3 days later when MC went to the library at sunset.

She tries to retrieve “Byron’s Poetry Collection” from the top of a 2-metre shelf, and since Gavin was a head taller, he was able to help her get it.

He musters up the introduction that he recited many times- but MC quickly thanks him and leaves before he could speak.

Minor notices Gavin watching after MC and that he was SMIL-ING.

He helps him locate MC and reports that every day after school she would go to the library for afternoon revision, always sitting in the same seat.

Gavin sat at a corner not far, quietly flipping through textbooks he hated. People who were reading in the library would be driven away because they were scared of him LOL

MC would then leave at 5pm sharp to go back home.

Gavin commits to walking back 10 metres behind her with Minor every day on forward. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets]

Gavin saves Minor from bullies again. Minor dedicates himself to be his “bro”.

He finds out that MC is an honours student, but doesn’t know that she’s the school orchestra leader. [Mystery Wings Event] and [Mark Date] However, he does know that she’s renowned as the “campus belle/ school flower”.

Minor idly mentions that more people were giving MC love letters.

Gavin tells Minor to collect all the people who were planning to confess their love to MC. Minor doesn’t want to be wingman anymore HAHA

Gavin stared those boys down as they trembled with fear. He tells them to take them back and if they scare her, he’ll make them regret it.

Minor realises Gavin’s feelings for MC. [Minor’s Memory Book]

MC eats from a small stall outside the school gate selling red bean puffs. ($3 for one, $5 for two. What a deal!)

She also encounters the stall that sells sugar figurines [Gift of Life- Sugar Figurine Call]

MC ate chocolate sticks often at school. It's also a memory of student life for Gavin, as well. [CN 2021 March Sign-In Taste of Happiness]

Students would scramble for the small swing set in the school garden. MC never went at lunch breaks, but she watches the sunset on it after school. Gavin is sometimes nearby. MC never noticed him, but she does however notice the ginkgo leaves dancing in the wind. [Mini House Small Happening- Leisure Time]

Gavin isn’t his usual self anymore. He sees MC out in the library everyday and starts reading “5 Years of College Examinations and 3 Years of Sample Questions” (book for colleague entrance examinations).

MC watches a basketball match at school. She calls someone from an away team “dashing” because they won with a dunk. This has been engraved in Gavin’s memory ever since. [Dreamers Date]

Gavin found out that he was very fond of basketball success stories, rushing into the court to try hundreds of shots after. He writes “I will beat you” beside Sakuragi Hanamichi from a Slam Dunk poster alongside “not a step back”.

(Slam Dunk starts out with a boy wanting to play basketball to impress his crush.)

Gavin then injures his head badly :(

He realises that basketball couldn’t help him to protect anything he wanted. He determines that he will do whatever it takes (to “beat” himself”). [Mystery Wings Event]

Gavin leans against a tree as he watches MC hurry down the corridor as she clutches a textbook. [Boundary Rumours and Secrets]

MC would eat pocky. Gavin would eat them too. [2021 March Sign-In Moments]

MC faints during a sports meet because she didn’t eat breakfast.

Gavin hurries to carry her to the infirmary. [CN Delightful Search Date]

He leaves bread and milk before she wakes up.

MC is on duty during PE class, which happens to be on basketball.

Minor was careless about his aim and the ball almost hit her in the head. Gavin slams the ball away. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Gavin glares at Minor as MC thanks him.

Minor also “accidentally” pushes MC towards him.

Gavin glares again.

Gavin later is continuously shooting hoops.

MC returns late at night to clean up the gym but all had been returned neatly in the basket. MC wanted to thank him but couldn’t. [CN Basketball Court Date]

There was a school sports competition that they attended. Gavin participated in the 10 lap race and came first by an impressive large measure. [Minor’s Memory Book]

MC participates in the sprint race, too. Gavin is worried about her performance, and if she would faint again.

Gavin requests Minor to take a photo of her on his phone (which probably ended up as the photo that he carried with him in his early days at special training where the other men teased him about hiding a photo of a girl.)

Approaching the End of October

Gavin, Minor and MC are walking home.

The weather is cold, and Gavin notices MC shivering in the distance. Gavin, conflicted by this, tells Minor to buy MC a hot drink without telling her that it was from him. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets]

MC would occasionally spot a hot drink or a carton of strawberry milk in the piano room. [Chapter 31-12]

Gavin one day is conflicted by their early exchange, recalling how MC looks startled at the entrance of the library after seeing each other. His spirit depletes, kicking himself (metaphorically) in the corner of the classroom at how he might have scared her.

Minor rushes in with a pink bandaid from MC for the wound at his mouth.

He carefully took that bandaid, treating it as if it was his world’s most precious treasure.

This pink bandaid was always taped on his heart and whenever he stepped into the swamp-like darkness of the night, it gave off a faint warmth. [Mystery Wings Event]

MC starts to notice Gavin everywhere. At the corners of windows, she would see his figure. At the library, he would help her retrieve books from higher places. She would also see books laid out on his table, but most of the time he would be sleeping. Beneath his overlapping arms, he sees “Byron’s Poetry Collection”. Gavin doesn’t understand the poems, though.

Lord Byron's "Don Juan" - Canto the Ninth, XVI

"To be, or not to be?" — Ere I decide I should be glad to know that which is being? 'Tis true — we speculate both far and wide, And deem, because we see, we are all-seeing; For my part, I'll enlist on neither side Until I see both sides for once agreeing; For me, I sometimes think that Life is Death,

At the music rehearsal room on the fifth floor, she would see a corner of his shirt in the wind.

MC thinks Gavin is friendly and slowly lets down her guard.

At the canteen, he would offer her the last bottle of water.

She begins smiling at him when they see each other, with the small arcs forming on her lips, soon becoming smiles that made her eyes squint.

MC would walk along the Senior hallways and subconsciously stop at a certain classroom- catching the sight of Gavin sleeping. On one particular day, she sees him standing by the window, staring at the sky.

Minor asks Gavin if he could form a band with him. Gavin rejects him. He then asks Gavin if he wanted to join the school’s singing competition. Gavin rejects him again, saying that he didn’t perform for unimportant people or have others tell him how well he could play.

MC plays “Falling Slowly” on the piano. Gavin hearing this, learns to play the guitar. He doesn’t know the name of the song but familiarises himself with the melody. [CN Music and the Past Call]

Whenever school let students out early, she would go to Lynn’s Kitchen. MC gets her noodles with clear broth, chopped scallions and a half-boiled egg. Gavin usually gets his spicy noodles with garlic, cilantro, thinly sliced beef.

Gavin remembers her favourite order.

MC leaves a post-it note at Lynn’s Kitchen, “I might never see you again and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I miss you”, about a friend who transferred schools.

Gavin knows she hates people who leave without saying goodbye the most.

Gavin, also in the vicinity near Lynn’s Kitchen, writes a post note. “Until I met you.” [Mystery Box Game]

He saves Mr Noah’s son from an accident, immediately takes him to the hospital and pays for the medical fees. [Anime]

Gavin dismisses rumours of high school romance.

“If you confessed on the 7th step of the stairway in the corner of the 3rd floor then it’ll succeed, or if you carved your name and another person’s name on the 6th tree in the courtyard at the back then your misunderstandings will be resolved, or if a guy gave the girl he liked the second button of his uniform on graduation day then the two of them will end up happy together.”

At lunch, he hears MC talking about the second button, and upon seeing her yearning face, he raises his head in thought, suddenly couldn’t wait for graduation. He tears off his second button. [Mystery Wings Event]

Gavin is just in love at this point.

Gavin sees one of the top students stealing money from a shop outside of school. The shopkeeper doesn’t believe him.

He stops the student on his way home to hand him back the money.

MC sees him at the alley then leaves.

Gavin spent all the money on a walkman he wanted for a very long time.

Mr Keller was the only one who believed in him. He said to him, “Since you can’t change what others think of you, you might as well just listen to your heart.” This had a great impact on Gavin. [Campus Date]

Winter

In the snowfall, the school allowed additional ten minutes of break time. The class next to MC’s stuffed Minor’s shirt with snowballs.

Gavin thought of helping him with a counterattack but MC had already returned a snowball to the male student who pulled the prank.

Gavin looks at MC the whole time. [CN Recovery ASMR]

MC overheads girls in her class say that Gavin had bullied students for lunch money that morning.

MC rides her bike back home after studying at the library for her finals.

MC sees Gavin being handed an envelope full of money at Lynn’s Kitchen in an alleyway.

She mistook it for him taking protection money.

Summer of June 2011

On a humid afternoon, MC looks outside the window of the classroom in boredom. A boy in a loose-fitting school uniform ran by. She couldn’t make out his face. [S1 Chapter 7-23]

MC begins to distance herself from Gavin. She rushes out of class and goes straight home instead.

Gavin is sad. He broods by the piano room, goes to the library to brood, then stares at the place MC sits to brood some more.

Minor wonders how he’s able to stare all afternoon at an empty space in the library but sleeps all day during class hours. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Before graduation, Gavin’s father expresses his thoughts for Gavin to join the organisation for special training. Gavin refuses, but his father uses MC to influence him to agree.

Gavin remembers the panic and timidity in MC’s eyes when she first met him. He recalls that moment was probably the hardest to bear in his life.

Gavin in his short period of freedom writes a letter to MC. He ponders about what to say, thinking about their first encounter, and how she started to distance herself from him. But all he writes is-

“Saturday 9am, I will be at the school library waiting for you.

-Gavin.”

MC attends the flag-raising ceremony and rehearses her speech. She then leaves to study for her exams.

Meanwhile, Gavin finishes a fight with other boys from school in an alley after they talk inappropriately about MC. [Old Days Date]

Gavin, bloodied and bruised, asks Minor to make another copy of his letter.

This is the only thing that Gavin had asked Minor to do so of course, he agreed. [Chapter 7-11]

Minor thinks the letter is a symbol of passion and fierce love due to the bloodstains and decides to keep the original.

He writes “GAVIN” and places it on MC’s desk for her to see the next day.

(In the Campus Date, the older MC is the one who finds him instead of Minor and treats him to his injuries. She ends up seeing the contents of the letter to find him later on.)

MC mistakes the letter as a threat and throws it away.

That Weekend

Gavin sits for 14 hours in the library waiting for MC, scanning the library every now and then.

With a fingertip, he rubs “Byron’s Poetry Collection” and carefully sandwiches a dried and yellowed ginkgo leaf into the book. He suddenly felt a measure of self-deprecation.

He stands up, and leaves, his heart filled with regret that he didn’t give it to her personally. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets]

After Summer Break- July

Minor never saw Gavin, and neither did MC.

“We met often, but never passed by each other. I remember every moment I saw you in school. Time, location, weather, your expression, your clothes...

-I remember them all.”

#gavin #bai qi #mlqc gavin #mlqc analysis #mlqc translation #mlqc cn #mlqc en #love and producer #mr love queens choice #恋与制作人 #mlqc timeline #mlqc storyline #posting early because of exams #im so sad

191 notes · View notes

obeiii-mee · 4 years

Note

Hey there! Love your writing. What about MC spending a whole day with just one of the brothers? Like you know, if the brothers were deciding what to do? Sorry if it’s too boring and romantic haha, I’m a lost case, I desperately need that night walks with Satan and working out with Beel in my life haha. Thanks xx

Same though. I love writing just typical HCs with the bros during date night or something. And I’m currently writing a few angst HCs so I really needed this too lmao. I hope you don’t mind these not being too long. I hope this satisfies you lol.

Enjoy!

——————————

The Brothers Spending a Whole Day with MC:

Lucifer:

-Mr. Prideful doesn’t take many days off

-But when he’s with you, he really feels like he can unwind properly

-Lucifer loves going on walks with you tbh

-He feels like it’s a nice break from all of his office work and meetings

-Sometimes the two of you end up in Majolish or a restaurant

-He definitely has a thing for spoiling you on days like these, because he feels he doesn’t appreciate you enough otherwise

-Like when he yells at both you and Mammon for doing stupid shit around Lord Diavolo

-The two of you could walk through the whole of DevilDom hand in hand if you had more hours in the day

-I see Lucifer as a bit traditional when it comes to dating so it’s obvious you’ll have movie dates and everything

-But a day off for him? With you? Away from his brothers, all of their chaos and the never ending attention his paperwork needs?

-It feels like he’s in the Celestial Realm all over again

-He does love you

-His past just doesn’t let him express his affection towards you very well

Mammon:

-If the two of you could spend the whole day together, there are only three places you could be at: Majolish, the casino or trying to make money for Mammon’s debts somewhere

-But it doesn’t really matter for him

-He could be stuck in a broom closet with you and still be happy (though he wouldn’t admit it)

-Spending a day with just him is bound to end in tears to be honest, on his part usually

-Because everything is going well and you’re having fun

-“Ah shit!”

-“Mammon you OK? What happened?”

-“I accidentally sold Lucifer’s gloves for 50000 Grimm!”

-How does one accidentally sell something?

-So he get a bit of an earful for that

-Other than that, being with the second eldest is crazy enough as it is

-You may have lost all that money at the casino but for the first time in a while, Mammon didn’t care that much

-Because you were there and laughing with him about how stupid both of you were

-You guys hit as many shops as possible and just generally have a messy, fun time together

-He often ends these days saying something like “You should be grateful that THE GREAT MAMMON agreed to let you tag along with him today.”

-But just kiss him on the cheek and he will shut up. For like hours. He’ll be too flushed to even look you in the eye

-He really wants to spend another day out with his human

Levi:

-Welp, life of a shut-in otaku

-It should be of no surprise that the two of you spend most of your time in his room

-It’s just the one place he’s most comfortable in and having you there makes it so much better

-Anime’s and video games are a must obviously

-But he loves doing movie marathons with you too (while loudly complaining the movie sucks and that you’re a normie for choosing it. Which means he likes it)

-Maybe a few good hours of him ranting about TSL because it’s Levi

-So the chances of you guys getting any sleep on said day are slim to none

-Also, if you agree to go to conventions with him, he will die of happiness

-On the rare occasion that he does go outside, he’s only out there because you went with him so that should tell you how much he loves you

-But most of the time you’re locked in his room to the point where Luci dearest has to come along and drag you the fuck to breakfast

-Ah, true love~~

Satan:

-I mean, this one should be pretty obvious too

-If he doesn’t enjoy dates in the library, then is he really Satan? (I never thought a sentence like that would ever be typed)

-Most of the time it ends with him reading to you because his voice is sO bEAutIful and you just melt when you hear it

-I will forever hc that he makes sound effects while reading too so imagine that

-You two don’t always get the chance to spend a whole day together

-But he tries to check in on you at least once a day

-*Cue romantic run through the house of Lamentation, trying to find you so he can gossip and bitch about Lucifer*

-Walks with him are very common too

-They usually take place at night, because he’s a sap and he read too many romance books and damn it kiss him already

-He would hold an umbreally over you if it started raining and everything

-Satan takes these moments to chat to you about anything, he just wants to appreciate you being there

-You guys made out several times while on these ‘walks’ ngl skskevshskbeuensb

-One time, you showed him a cat cáfe in the human realm and he went nuts

-Safe to say you’ve been there more times than I care to count, most of which were without permission

-A day with him can either go extremely calmly and end with you guys falling asleep on each other in his room or escalate to either pranking Lucifer or...steamier stuff

-Haha if anyone ever mentions he’s a cheesy bastard, they’re dead before they can say their prayers

-Except you, you get the pass on this one, tease him as much as you want

Asmo:

-Finally, he gets to have you all to himself without any of his brothers cockblocking him all the time~ (same tbh)

-The whole day would be planned from head to toe in activities and events

-It would start with some sort of makeover in the morning (getting your nails done, doing hairstyles, skin routine etc.)

-Then it would move on to some serious shopping sprees where he basically buys everything that he deems to be cute

-They’re for you 100% tho

-The day usually ends with you getting dragged to parties and clubs because Asmo can’t go a day without speaking to other people

-By the time you get home, you’re almost knocked out cold and carrying several bags full of clothes and shit

-But you can never say you didn’t enjoy yourself on these days

-Having Asmo around is exhilarating and somehow, even if crowds happen to not be your thing, it’s still really easy to have fun anyway

-There are times when the two of you stay at home and do each other’s nails and everything

-And you two are very fond of these sort of dates as well

-Of course, all of this assuming he won’t try to seduce you and get in your pants all day

-Turns our Mammon is somehow telepathically connected to you and rushes over any time this happens

-So much for not being cockblocked I guess

-He always switches things up as well which is usually very pleasant because you don’t visit the same shops or clubs every day

-Just be back by midnight or you’ll have your asses handed back to you otherwise

Beel:

-Beel loves you

-Beel loves food

-If those two happen to be in the same room, he might as well die peacefully

-It’s all he ever asked for (especially if Belphie is there too)

-Half of the day is spent at either Hell’s Kitchen or in your kitchen at home

-For him, the food always tastes better when you’re there so if you’re willing to go, then he’ll be like a cheerful puppy the whole time (how many times have I compared Beel to a puppy lmao)

-The other half of the day is spent training

-Work out sessions are important to him and he’s more than happy to let you join in

-If anything, you’ll be on his back as he does his push ups even though you’re not that heavy to him

-It sort of warms that demon heart of his because you’re always there handing him towels and water after he’s finished

-And you always have snacks prepared too which is wonderful really

-Kudos for being able to hide them from him the whole time

-It’s also not that surprising to know that you, Beel and Belphie hang out a lot

-So these days often mean that Belphegor tags along with you guys everywhere

-You won’t notice him tho, believe me, he’ll just stay attached to Beel’s back and sleep the whole time

-If he gets to spend a day with his loved ones, then Beel can honestly not ask for more

Belphie:

-“Belphie...?”

-“Yes MC?”

-“Is.....is that a pillow fort that’s almost as big as the attic?”

-“It is indeed.”

-“Why?”

-“Why not?”

-Tbh it would be a miracle if you two didn’t sleep the whole day

-But if he had to go somewhere with you

-It would be anywhere

-Much like Mammon, he couldn’t give less of a shit about the evironment as long as you’re there

-Chances are, however, that he will sneak you two to the human world a few times in secret

-He still insists he hates humans but truth is, he misses them and their realm

-Going back there, without permission the same way he did all those centuries ago, was like a breath of fresh air

-You guys would be chilling at a park in the human realm, probably make small picnic or something

-Belphie, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, loves these dates and would kill anything on his path if it meant he gets to be in your arms while taking a nap in the human world

-He invites Beel along too which makes everything so much better for him

-He will just fall asleep on you while you run your fingers through his hair

-Belphie is so warm too so it’s likely you won’t stay awake for long either

-Poor Beel has to carry both back to DevilDom but he does it anyway without complaining >:(

-He knows that he isn’t allowed to come up here and that he should stop these dates before Lucifer finds out

-But being out here with you brings him an irreplaceable meaning and you’re so soft and gentle, he can’t resist cuddling into you

-Also he doesn’t give a shit what Lucifer thinks

(Idk why my writing is so bad in this post, it kinda feels like I forced myself to write it and maybe that’s why..? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my mess of HCs)

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #⭐️ requests #☂️ demon brothers #🕯 general

689 notes · View notes

misscorn · 3 years

Text

Day 5: Roleswap/Formal

This @takaritsuweek prompt inspired me to do something I've been putting off for years: a rewrite of my fic Stalker-Senpai. So, please enjoy the first chapter :D its pretty much the same except third person now lol, we'll see how much I change in the future!

***

It was such a stupid reason to fall in love with someone.

Onodera Ritsu had been struggling to reach a high up book on a shelf, wobbling slightly on his tiptoes for a few brief moments before Saga Masamune decided to intervene, mostly just because something about watching the underclassman struggle was both sad and annoying. The older teen grabbed the book for Ritsu, handing it over with a blank expression.

Ritsu returned the simple, polite gesture with such a wide and sincere smile that Masamune's heart reached incredible speeds that he didn't know were possible. Why is he looking at me like that? Masamune wondered, shifting from one foot to the other, feeling warm from Ritsu's gaze.

Masamune swallowed hard as Ritsu took the book out of his hands and said an enthusiastic thank you, one that was way too cheerful considering all Masamune had done was reach up and grab something. The older boy couldn't help but to notice Ritsu's cheeks were a little red from what he assumed was embarrassment and Masamune suddenly wished to see that adorable expression every day.

God, what am I thinking? Adorable? He's a guy, Masamune hoped none of his thoughts were showing on his face. Apparently they weren't since Ritsu gave a quick and polite nod before scampering off. Masamune found his eyes following the underclassman and his feet almost followed as well. Almost. But Masamune somehow managed to hold on to a string of self control.

All he did was smile and say thank you, why am I acting like such an idiot? I don't even know his name, Masamune silently scolded himself. It was too late, though. Masamune was already on his way to become a hopeless, lovelorn fool.

It didn't take long for Masamune to notice that Ritsu was in the library as often as he was after their minuscule interaction. It was like Ritsu had suddenly appeared and was now here everyday. Not that Masamune was complaining; he found the underclassman's constant presence very comforting.

He reads a new book almost every day. Either he has a short attention span or a lot of time on his hands, Masamune noted. It was quite difficult to keep up with Ritsu's appetite for literature, though Masamune did his best. I want to read all the books that he reads, Masamune thought as he grabbed a novel Ritsu had recently finished. The older teen was hoping that he could use this as a way to get to know Ritsu better. Masamune was particularly ecstatic to learn from his book-stalking that his Kouhai's name was Onodera Ritsu.

The two of them always sat at different tables, but Masamune made sure to keep Ritsu in his sights. Masamune loved seeing the brunette's reactions to what he was reading. At times Masamune would hear a small chuckle leave Ritsu or see Ritsu purse his lips in thought or even see Ritsu rub at his eyes insistently to hide the fact that he was tearing up. I want to know what he's reading, Masamune would think desperately before he was able to get his hands on the book, I want to know what makes him smile and laugh, I want to be the one who makes him smile and laugh. Masamune felt positively pathetic with this train of thought, but he couldn't help himself.

Yes, it was official: Saga Masamune was in love at fifteen years old. He didn't understand how it happened so fast nor did he fully understand why, but he had enough self awareness to realize he was totally whipped for an underclassman who he hadn't even said a single word to.

That was precisely Masamune's problem; talking with people wasn't exactly his forte and he feared that he would somehow scare Ritsu off if he approached him. Not to mention, this feeling of want, this inexplicable desire to hold someone through the night and into the day, this need of seeing someone's face just to feel at ease, all of it was new to Masamune. It was scary to be so enraptured in someone. It was terrifying to know that someone else had so much power over him, power that Ritsu didn't even know he had. If Masamune confessed his feelings, he'd be freely handing that power over and Masamune didn't know if he was even capable of being vulnerable and trusting like that.

It didn't help that watching Ritsu from afar suddenly wasn't entertaining enough for the cruel deity laughing at Masamune's hopelessness. What other possible explanation was there for their paths crossing once again? He had peacefully watched Ritsu and stalked his library cards for three years, but now those days were seemingly over.

Masamune was reaching toward a book when a smaller, more delicate hand came into contact with his. Masamune looked over, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of Ritsu. Ritsu was quick to rip his hand away and met Masamune's eyes with an anxious gaze. Ritsu opened his mouth, looking like he was about to apologize for nothing.

"You can take the book, Onodera." Masamune said quickly before he could speak, not enjoying the sight of Ritsu appearing so guilty and worried. He wanted to alleviate the anxieties clear on Ritsu's face, but he seemed to only make it worse.

"How do you know my name?" Came the quiet, nervous response. The book was quickly forgotten by them both. Masamune felt like he was short-circuiting as he wracked his brain for any possible excuse or lie, but his mouth started moving without his permission.

"I love you."

What?

What the hell did I just say?!

There was a pause between the two of them, the air around Masamune feeling as if it were crushing his bones.

"...eh? Eh?!" Ritsu's face flushed a beautiful shade of red, but Masamune didn't have the time to admire it because he was desperately trying to think of a way to prevent Ritsu from sprinting away.

"What I meant to say was-well-would you want to go out with me sometime?" Masamune asked, watching Ritsu's surprised, flustered expression closely. The brunette shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, as he opened and closed his mouth, grasping at straws for a response.

"Y-Y-You know I-I'm a guy r-right?" Ritsu finally settled on after a few seconds of awkward silence.

Masamune almost wanted to laugh. Out of all the things Ritsu could've said, that was what he decided on? Masamune's lips quirked up ever so slightly in amusement as he started to find it a little easier to breathe.

"Yeah, I'm aware." Masamune replied dryly. "Does it bother you that I'm a guy?" That had been one of the reasons Masamune had been so hesitant to approach. It was possible that Ritsu wasn't even into guys and now maybe the two of them didn't even have a chance of being friends.

"I-no! Not really? I don't-" Ritsu inched closer and closer to retreating, which simply wouldn't do.

"It's alright, Just take a breath, okay? You don't have to say yes." Masamune quickly assured him, though I really, really want him to say yes, Masamune hoped it didn't show.

"I-I don't even k-know your name..." Ritsu started, seeming to try to find some sort of excuse, perhaps wanting to spare Masamune's feelings instead of outright rejecting him. However, Masamune's heart was stubborn and dead set on Ritsu. He wouldn't be dissuaded easily and not knowing his name was an easy fix.

"It's Saga. Saga Masamune."

Ritsu nodded slowly, visibly swallowing as he wrung his hands, seeming to be carefully considering his next few words.

"O-O-Okay...I-I'll go out with you...Saga Senpai..."

When an upperclassman grabbed a book for Ritsu and handed it over he was grateful for a few seconds, but forgot about the interaction quickly. It had been nothing particularly special after all. If there was anything he did remember from the brief conversation-if one could even call it that-it was that he felt terribly embarrassed for being too short to reach a book. And then a certain name started to pop up everywhere...

Ritsu scanned the shelves for a new read, not looking for anything in particular, just something unfamiliar and fresh. He started to reach for one when a larger hand met his and he instinctively recoiled away from the touch as if it had burned him. He looked over to see an older student that was often slinking around the library, somehow always seeming to have a certain aura of sadness around him.

"You can take the book, Onodera." He told Ritsu quickly, his expression blank and unreadable.

"How do you know my name?" Ritsu asked hesitantly, though he already knew the answer. This is my stalker. Saga Masamune, Ritsu felt nervous now that he was face to face with him. Ritsu had been ignoring the behavior for the longest time, three years in fact, but now his stalker was right in front of him.

Ritsu often liked to reread books that he particularly connected with and it didn't take long for him to realize a certain name kept appearing and reappearing underneath his own.

Saga Masamune.

Ritsu didn't know anything about this 'Saga' person. He was far too shy to ever venture out to try to talk to many people, especially an upperclassman. He was still young and fresh enough to high school to think that upperclassmen were untouchable Gods. Though, after noticing the name he also noticed that a certain upperclassman was constantly in the library: the one that had helped Ritsu grab a book. Ritsu decided he was as good as a suspect as anyone to be his stalker. It wasn't like many other students spent hours upon hours in the school's library. To confirm his suspicion, Ritsu once quietly walked up to his table when he had fallen asleep sitting up and took the opportunity to look in the back of his book. There was his name: Saga Masamune. The upperclassman shifted and Ritsu took that as his que to quickly put the book back down and retreat.

Ritsu tried to ignore it, not understanding Masamune's motives or actions and wondering if perhaps he was looking a little too much into it. That was, until the two had bumped into each other again.

"I love you." Masamune said.

Ritsu's heart punched the inside of his rib cage before beating erratically in all directions. A confession had been about the last thing he was expecting.

"...eh? Eh?!" Is all Ritsu could choke out in response with his legs feeling weak yet also prepared to sprint a mile if necessary.

"What I meant to say was-well-would you want to go out with me sometime?" Masamune asked, but Ritsu's confusion didn't cease.

"Y-Y-You know I-I'm a guy r-right?" That question sounded much dumber out loud than it did in my head, Ritsu thought as he refrained from facepalming. Masamune smirked a bit at his question and Ritsu tried not to frown, feeling like he was being made fun of and this confession had perhaps been a joke of some sort to mess with him.

"Yeah, I'm aware. Does it bother you that I'm a guy?"

Ritsu struggled to swallow as he started to shake his head. "I-no! Not really? I don't-" He wanted to hide behind the bookshelves at this point and forget this entire conversation.

"It's alright, Just take a breath, okay? You don't have to say yes."

"I-I don't even k-know your name..." Ritsu lied, wanting to somehow escape this situation.

"It's Saga. Saga Masamune." He replied smoothly. The upperclassman obviously didn't see their lack of knowledge of one another as an issue and suddenly Ritsu was out of excuses.

I should say I don't like guys, or that not interested, or that I have a girlfriend, Ritsu thought, but instead he just gulped nervously and nodded slowly.

"O-O-Okay...I-I'll go out with you...Saga Senpai..."

Why did I say that, why did I agree to this, what am I going to do now, oh God, I bet this really is just a joke and he's going to start laughing at me now, if my parents find out about this I'm completely done for-, Ritsu's panicked thoughts continued to race, but stopped once a gentle hand reached up to ruffle his hair.

And that was how the wonderful, complicated mess of their relationship started.

#onodera ritsu #saga masamune #sekaiichi hatsukoi #takaritsuweek #fanfiction

24 notes · View notes

vee-is-a-writter-now · 4 years

Text

Fools

[[zuko x reader]]

->next

Summary: Zuko and Y/N had liked eachother for a while even though neither of them knew it. Y/N tries to get over her crush for him, failing miserably. So just when she decides to let go and embrace her feelings, the new Fire lord finds himself feeling jealous and decides to take matters into his own hands

A/N: this is the first Zuko/ATLA fic i’ve ever written, so go easy on me plssss, i just finishes the show a couple days ago (a little late ik) and ever since then i’ve been OBSESSED with this man (if he’s too ooc pls let me know) . This is set a while after the coronation and it’s an AU where zuko and mai were never a thing. Hope y’all like this <3

ps: this may get a little long, i’m writting this before i finish it but i get a feeling it’s gonna be a long one so be prepared lol also it will most definitely have a pt.2 if y’all like it.

Warnings: Angst but it’ll end well i promise, swearing

-IF YOU HAVE ANY REQUESTS DONT HESITATE TO ASK-

Things after the war ended had been chaotically peaceful. Turns out that leading an entire nation, specially when it was the one that caused the war, and reuniting the lands that had for so long been against eachother was harder than all of you thought. The fact that a group of teenagers were the head of the operation wasn’t a big advantage either.

Sure, Aang and Zuko, who were the ones who had the most important positions when it came to politics and diplomacy, had advisors and people around to help guide them, but it was still a hard job. Nevertheless, without a war or fighting, you were sure it was good for the entire group to keep busy. They’d kept a lifestyle of always moving around and being on guard for so long it would’ve been a big shock to be forced to stay still after that.

Katara and Sokka travelled back and forth from the Southern Water Tribe to the Fire nation a few times, not too often though because of how far apart the two were. That was a shame because of how close you’d grown to Katara and her motherly self, her advice and her unconditional friendship, and even to Sokka and his bad jokes, his way of teasing everyone and how he could make you smile even when you weren’t in the mood, you even missed how mad he made you sometimes. Suki went with them to spend some time away from everything, she loved her life as a Kioshi warrior but she decided she needed a break after everything she had gone through.

Aang, on the other hand, was traveling all over but mostly between the Earth kingdom, were he would very often meet with Katara, and the Fire nation. You got to see him way more often than you got to see Katara, Suki and Sokka, although he tended to be busy with avatar business. He was doing a great job, you had to admit. The people loved him, he found a way to spread his teachings and the teachings of the Air nomads to the world and uniting others helping them put aside their differences seemed to be his thing now more than ever. But most importantly he seemed truly happy, one time he even told you he finally felt like he was making all the air nomads proud, wherever they were.

Toph still wanted to be away from her parents, so she refused to go back to the Earth Kingdom. She hated the cold, not being able to use her seismic senses in the snow and being bossed around by katara, so she refused to go with them too. So when you offered her to stay with you, she accepted. She made it seem as though it was her last choice because she had to keep her tough girl reputation, but actually she liked you a lot, she saw you kind of as a big sister. You took care of her in a way no one had before, not seeing her as helpless and weak but still being there for her when she needed you. Though she’d never tell this to anyone aloud.

And Zuko was still Zuko, just that now he was a Firelord. He took his job very seriously, determined to prove wrong everyone who had said he was too young or too weak for it. He knew the big responsibility he had in his hands and he seemed to be doing really well. He had his moments, of course, where he would have outbursts of emotion and anger, but he always found his way back to being who he needed to be for his Nation, and you always helped with that. He was the one who suggested you stayed in the Fire nation as a representative of the Northern Water tribe. You were hesitant at first, but after thinking the idea over you realized you had no business up in the tribe, you’d been away for a long time and you weren’t ready to go back just yet.

The two of you had never been incredibly close in the time since he joined the gaang, but you couldn’t denied there was a connection between the two. You got his humor and he got yours, you could tease eachother all day without getting butthurt, you could open up and talk about deep stuff under the stars on a sleepless night, and spending time with him seemed easier to do than with most people. You’d brushed this off as the two of you being good friends for a good while, even after you moved into the palace and started to hang out with him more, but for the past few weeks it’s been getting harder to do.

Every time Toph, him and you ate lunch together and he sat in front of you, you couldn’t help but end up staring at him, not in a weird, creepy way but in a ‘I’m mesmerized by you why am i mesmerized by you and since when are your eyes such a beautiful shade of gold’ way. You were in denial about it but deep down you knew you were starting to have a crush on him, and eventually Toph caught up to it too.

One night after diner she pulled you into her room, closed the door and said “Listen, Snow queen, I’m kinda tired of your heart going crazy every time mister flaming pants is around so you either get over your little crush, tell him how you feel or I will personally snitch on you directly to him, understood?” You didn’t even have the guts to deny it to her, specially since she’d know if you were lying, so you just heavily sighed and looked at the floor. She must’ve felt bad for you cause she took your hand and dragged you to sit on her bed to interrogate you about the situation.

“Out of anyone you could’ve ended up liking I never saw this one coming” she told you taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed

“Don’t get me started” you threw yourself back to the bed and stared at the ceiling for a second before speaking again “Like how dumb do I have to be to crush on someone who isn’t only probably the busiest man on all kingdoms right now, but also royalty and... well Zuko. He would never like a girl like me and even if he did, he probably has to end up with a princess or something.”

“I’m not letting you drown in a pity party here, ok?” Toph pulled your wrist and forced you to sit back up and look at her. “He’s lucky a girl as decent as you is willing to put up with that temper of his and how annoying he can get. Now what are you gonna do about it?”

“Nothing?” You replied in a low voice not taking a second to think about it. Toph punched you in the arm in response “Hey, what was that for?”

“What I said before still stands, I can’t deal with you being all flustered every time he’s around, so get over it or tell him how you feel.” She spat and all you could do was grunt and throw yourself back into the bed

So you were gonna get over it then. Easy task. Never done anything easier before.

It wasn’t.

Turns out that by trying to avoid Zuko at all costs you ended up stumbling into him even more. Around the corners, in the hallways, everywhere. The plan was to just avoid him as much as possible until eventually your feelings faded away, you couldn’t have a crush on someone you didn’t even see right? Wrong. Even when you weren’t around Zuko he was still on your mind. You tried to go to the palace library and distract yourself with literature, but reading romance books only made you feel more miserable and the only other option there was were war strategy books which you weren’t very interested in. The next distraction you chose was gardening, you loved nature and you were a water bender, it was the perfect task you thought, but once again you were wrong. You turned out to be such a bad gardener, Kya who was the one in charge of the royal gardens (and who was the sweetest lady) ended up banning you from messing with her flowers ever again. The last thing you could think of to stay away from Zuko was feeding the turtle ducks. It seemed like a good idea and on the few occasions you’d been in the pond before, the little animals seemed to be very fond of you. You couldn’t mess this one up, anyone could feed the ducks, but there was a little problem as it seemed to be the theme of that day, the Fire lord had forgotten to tell you that the pond was his place of choice when he needed to clear his head.

You didn’t even notice he was there until you heard his voice behind you. “Keep feeding them like this and they’ll get obese”

You jumped a bit out of surprise and turned around to face him with your palm pressed to your chest. “Spirits, Zuko, don’t do that to me, you’re gonna kill me one of these days” It was a bright and sunny day, the heat of the Fire nation weather made his face glimmer a little, his hair was up held by the royal Fire lord hair piece and he was wearing a version of his formal attire made for a hotter weather, leaving his muscly arms on display. As soon as you realized you were staring once again, you turned your attention back to the pond in an attempt to hide the blush that was slowly conquering your cheeks.

He took a sit next to you and waited a couple seconds before breaking the silence. “Hey... um... I don’t know if this is just me but you’ve been acting weird lately, is everything ok?” He asked looking at you.

“Everything is fine, definitely just you.” you replied not taking your eyes away from the shining water of the pond. The ducks had grown tired of waiting for you to keep feeding them and swam away.

“I... don’t think so. You didn’t come to breakfast today, everytime we’re together you seem to wanna leave as soon as possible and right now you can’t even look at me.” He paused before taking in a deep breath. “Did... did I do something to upset you?”

You finally turned around to look at him and the look you saw in his eyes was heartbreaking. Ever since he joined Team Avatar, Zuko had been making a huge effort to be good. You could see how sometimes he struggled to pick being kind and gentle over being erratic and explosive, and you also knew that had a lot to do with his childhood. But he had been doing such a good job at it, specially since he became Fire lord, he was so much more friendly, better at socializing and overall improving. And right now it was clear to you that you had made him feel like he was failing at being a good person and he’d somehow messed up with you.

You turned your body around slightly and put a reassuring hand on his knee before saying “Oh, Zuko, no. You haven’t done anything and I’m not upset at you, I mean that. It’s just...” coming up with lies and excuses had always been your strong point but having Zuko there making you ridiculously nervous wasn’t a factor that helped. “I.. uh...I’m getting a little homesick, you know? With Toph gone most of the day and you busy, I’ve been feeling a little melancholic about my home, but it’s nothing I promise. I’m just trying to find something to do with my time.” You we’re impressed with yourself with this one, it actually sounded pretty convincing.

You thought you had the situation handled until Zuko spoke again a few seconds later. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized until now with all the chaos of being Fire lord but I asked you to stay here and represent the Northern Water tribe and I haven’t even given you time out of my day. I haven’t been the best host, have I?” Before you could even reply he widened his eyes and said “I have an idea, tomorrow I’ll take the day off and we can go on a small field trip to this cabin my family has on the ourskirts of town, there are some nice fields and it’s very peaceful, we’ll have a picnic lunch there and just relax. You can even ask Toph to come with. How does that sound?”

He looked at you expectantly and you started to look for reasons to turn him down, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. It was true that you hadn’t had much time to spend with him ever since he took his position, and in all honesty, crush or not you really did miss him. Your weakness for him won the battle and you ended up accepting the plan saying it was a great idea. The regent stood up from his place and assuring you he’d have everything ready for the next day he left.

You really had messed up this time.

—————

The next morning you put on a flowy, flower-print dress. It was classy but at the same time comfortable and light enough to handle the summer weather. You had nervously been looking at yourself in the mirror for way too long now. Before dinner the past night you at least had hopes that Toph would come with to the field trip and she would help you contain yourself when it came to Zuko, but of course that wasn’t the case. When he had brought the topic up at the table Toph limited herself to look at you knowingly and say “You know what? I happen to be very busy tomorrow, you know, I’m trying to get a name for myself in the Fire nation’s fighting scene and I have a fight tomorrow, sorry.” You knew she was lying because she had told you about her fight but instead of the next day it was three days from then. All you could do was look at the little devil and make sure you wrote a mental note of getting back at her as soon as you could.

So here you were, minutes ago from embarking in a field trip with the person you were supposed to avoid, and you had no idea how you were gonna get out of this one.

A knock on your door startled you and took you out of your worrying thoughts. A few seconds later a maid’s head popped in as she said “Lady Y/N, Firelord Zuko and the carriage are ready for you.” You took a deep breath and walked towards the door while replying with a soft “Thank you, Yun”

The carriage waited for you in front of the palace and so did Zuko. He was already inside, sheltering himself from the unforgiving sun, so you startled him when you hopped inside. “Y/N, you look...nice” he complimented you, a faint blush running through his cheeks making him gain a more childish and youthful look.

“Thank you, Zuko. Likewise.” You responded attempting to stay as calm as you could. You hated that he had so much power over you.

He ordered for you to be in your way before the carriage started moving swiftly. Your eyes flowed to the window, looking out at the capital city of the Fire nation. “You’ve done a great job leading this people. They look... so happy.” You drew your eyes back at Zuko as he stared at you. It was you who was starting to blush now.

“I hope so. I’ve done everything I’m capable of to change the old ways of this nation. I hope I’m making the right choices.” A worrisome look took over his eyes as he let his own attention drift towards the streets.

“Hey” you called to him as you stretched your hand to cover his. “You’re doing just fine Zuko. You’ve done so much for these people and all the other nations as well, I’m sure you’ll do even more good.”

He faintly smiled at you as a response and you could tell that although he did worry about the future, your reassurance helped.

The rest of the ride was spent pointing out the animals you saw on the road, sharing childhood stories about when Zuko and his mom used to come here when they both needed to get away from everything, and a bit of teasing about how Zuko had no idea what to pack for a picnic and had to ask the head chef of the kitchen for help. Luckily you had become friends with chef Karou in the time you’d been living in the palace and he knew your taste rather well.

When you finally arrived there was no sight of the usual movement and noise proper of a big city, the air was filled with the peculiar scent of flowers you couldn’t recognize just yet and grass. In the distance at your left you could see a small cattle of Hippo cows and Komodo chickens. And at your right a long field of grass and flowers that seemed to go up in a small and almost unnoticeable hill.

You and Zuko stepped down the carriage just as a guard handed him the picnic basket. The tall regent turned to you and ordered “Follow me, I wanna show you something”. You did as you were told, being led by him all the way up the hill until you were at the very top. When the two of you got there your breath was taken away by the beautiful view you had in front of you. A huge field of flowers layed gracefully at the end of the hill and extended far enough that it connected to the horizon.

“This is...” you started but were so taken aback by the view you didn’t finish your sentence.

Zuko seemed to understand regardless and replied “I know.” Behind you he started to set up a cloth for the two of you to sit on. You forced yourself to remove your attention from the field and place it on what was going on behind you. Taking a seat on the opposite end of the cloth you helped him take out all the items chef Karou had packed for you. When you were done you looked at Zuko and said “Thanks for this. It’s really nice.”

“No need to thank me, I’ve been leaving you alone so much time lately. I know aside from Toph I’m pretty much all you have here so take this as a ‘Sorry I’ve been a terrible friend’ offering.” He smiled wide expecting you to do the same but that smile faded away as soon as he saw the expression on your face.

‘Friend’

The word echoed in your head as your eyes dropped to the food you had in front of you. Of course he saw you as a friend. You had almost convinced yourself you should confess your feelings to him and he goes on to call himself your friend. A knot in your throat started to form and you did your best to show it as little as you could. But you obviously failed.

“Everything ok?” Zuko asked tilting his head to catch your eyes.

You looked up and faked a smile. “Yeah... just thinking how far we’ve come.” You lied through your teeth before continuing. “Anyways, enough of all the cheesiness, I’m starving.”

“Agreed” He replies picking up something for himself. You chose a small salty biscuit with a mix of meats on top and decided to distract yourself with it. “Chef Karou said you’d like that one. He also said you hated onions and peas. What type of weirdo hates peas?”

You chuckled a little, the feeling that oppressed your chest fading away quickly. “I do. They’re disgusting and if you like them I don’t trust you.”

Zuko laughed loudly before remarking “Its not like I like them, Y/N. It’s just a weird thing to be picky over. They’re peas, they don’t really taste like anything.”

You widened your eyes and quickly swallowed the bite of biscuit you had taken. “What do you mean they don’t taste like anything? They taste disgusting and they are mushy and just... gross”

Zuko replies with another laugh. His laugh made you feel warm inside, it could make you forget about everything, Toph’s threats, your previous plans and even the now faint voice poking the back of your mind telling you to be careful or you’d get your heart broken.

The two of you kept eating and chattering at the same time. You’d finished the salty food and it came time for the desert. Chef Karou had made a type of cake and stored it inside a small glass jar. You tried opening the lid but it was too hard. You heard Zuko in front of you offering you help but you refused it telling him you could do it on your own. After a couple minutes of struggling , Zuko took your deep sigh as a sign of defeat and scooted closer to you. “Here, let me.” He took the jar from your hands and quickly opened the lid, handing it back to you. You looked up expecting to find a smug smirk that felt way to familiar to you at this point but instead you found his serious face dangerously close to yours.

You took the jar back and set in down. “Thanks” you muttered softly and quietly. His only response was to slowly but firmly raise a hand up to your face to put away a strand of hair that had fallen. His touch sent shivers down your spine. All thoughts of caution escaped your mind as you felt his face so close you could feel his warm breath mixing with yours. The tension between you seemed to almost be to much to handle when you thought you saw Zuko lean in a little. Before anything else could happen, one of the guards that had come with and stayed back where the carriage was spoke. “Firelord Zuko”

The golden eyed boy dropped his hand from your face and turned around to face the guard. “Have they not taught you to not interrupt people when they’re talking privately?”

“I am very sorry, Firelord.” The guard bowed in sign of respect. “But we have just received a messenger hawk with a letter from the palace. The Avatar and you other friends are here.”

#avatar zuko #zuko imagine #fire lord zuko #zuko x y/n #zuko x you #zuko fanfic #zuko x reader #atla fanfic #atla zuko #atla fandom #fanfiction

320 notes · View notes

cordelia-cardale · 3 years

Note

The prompt number 16 is quite interesting lol 16. “Control your anger or you’ll have me to worry about.” Choose the ship/character you like :)

Hello! Ok, there are literally zero reasons as to why it took me a year to write this bloody thing except maybe that I had some not fun moments and also this literally never could have been written if I hadn’t waited this long. I don’t know if you’ll read it. You’ve probably forgotten about this in all fairness but if you do read it I hope you like it.

Also taking this opportunity to thank everyone for following me. I’m at 400 followers! This is insane. I’m not sure why you’re all following tbh but to celebrate I forced myself to finish this long overdue fic, hope you like it! Also disclaimer: I love all of the characters from TLH. I am aware of the existing debate around Matthew and Alastair and my writing in here does not represent my point of view. But I I decided to represent Matthew and his view in this way for story telling purpose. Please don’t come at me with gun blazing. If you do wanna talk, we can, but in peace 😊💕

Somewhere Where Our Shadows Meet, It Feels Like Coming Home -

a Fairdale one-shot (is that even their brotp name???)

This was the fifth time James was rereading the passage of the book he had picked up. It was no use. Each time he finished the page he had already forgotten the beginning. His mind was foggy with a multitude of thoughts. Thoughts about Lucie and her strange dalliance with a boy who used to be a ghost, about Grace which inevitably led to unsolicited questions on his own identity, and, as much as he tried not to think about it, thoughts of Matthew and Cordelia. He really did not enjoy these last kinds of thoughts. He couldn’t help but imagine what kind of relationship could have blossomed between the two during their trip to Paris. He knew how Matthew felt, but when it came to Cordelia, he had no single clue. He constantly wondered as to whether she hated or loved him. Daring to hope that he hadn’t ruined everything. Just for that hope to vanish the next second because there was no possible way he did not ruin it. And even if ever decided to ask her, he would have no idea how to approach the topic without sounding like an arrogant bastard.

James let out a long breath, rolling his shoulders, trying to let go of the tension. He was pretty sure that if he ventured to look at himself in the mirror that was hung above the chimney, he would see huge dark circles beneath his eyes. Circles which color could rival the color of London’s night sky. A result of many nights plagued by bad dreams and worry. During some of those sleepless nights, James had gone to Cordelia’s room. The first time it was under the pretext of looking for books. Her room had been full of her personal belongings. A bottle of perfume on her vanity table, an evening dress carefully laid out on the chaise longue, a copy of Majun and Layla on her bedside table. So many little pieces of who Cordelia was scattered in a room she had run away from. She hadn’t been back to Curzon street since that night. Upon arriving in London, she had decided to move back with her mother using the excuse of the soon-to-be new baby’s arrival. James kept going to her home though, eventually admitting to himself that he did so because of the smell of Jasmin that lingered. It was the closest thing he had to a semblance of her presence in the house. It was a soft smell that grounded him. It was also a heady smell that reminded him of the sweetness he had lost.

He shook himself out of thoughts of her. Something he had gotten quite good at to be fair, considering how many times he thought of her in the span of a day. Pushing himself up from the table he was leaning against, he closed the book he was reading, giving up on understanding it, and made his way to the window. Outside the sky was tinged in pastel colors drawing the day to a close. James would slowly make his way back home. He would rehash the day, come up with new plans to wake his sister from her deep sleep, find out that these plans would fail again come morning, and finally decide that he would need to eat a bite because going to bed with an empty stomach was just not advisable. His parents had offered for him to stay at the Institute with them but James had refused. He preferred the calm and silence of Curzon Street. He found that the bittersweet cloak that covered his house was, in some ways, almost reassuring. Maybe he was going insane. Just when he was ready to go bid his goodnight to his family, he heard the doors of the library open wide behind him and slammed shut again.

“Did you know?” Matthew growled. James might have thought that he himself had gone slightly deranged chasing down the smell of Jasmin throughout his home, but at least he did not look half as unhinged as Matthew looked right this instant. Matthew’s eyes were wide, his pupils dilated, and his fist clenched so tight his knuckles were turning white.

“Are you alright?” James asked, keeping an even tone.

“Did you know?”

“Know what?”

Matthew took a few strides in James’ direction. His stare holding James’ gaze in place as if daring James to contrary him. “Did you know about Thomas?”

“Um yes,” James nodded, a sly smile playing on his lips. “I do know Thomas.” At that Matthew narrowed his eyes and almost seemed as if he was trying hard not to grind his teeth. Noted. Attempts at humor and alleviating the situation were not going to work. “What about him?” James tried again. His smile replaced by a serious gaze.

“Did you know about Alastair?” Matthew asked, almost spatting out Alastair’s name.

James took a few steps back, reinstating the much-needed personal space for such a conversation. James did know about Alastair, but only because Thomas had looked so miserable and James had pried so insistently that Thomas had had no choice but to give up his well-kept secret. James had understood, sometimes you couldn’t choose who you fell in love with. Sometimes you fell in love with something that only you saw in the other person. Love was usually shrouded in mystery this way, best not to question how it worked. Obviously, by the look of things, Matthew did not agree.

“Please sit down,” James pointed to one of the green velvet armchairs. “I’ll pour you a drink.” James said, making his way to the stash of liquor in one of the dark wooden commodes. James had always wondered what kind of people, for what kind of situation kept alcohol in the library of all rooms. It always seemed to him that a secret stash of tea would have been more appropriate. Now he understood what kind of situation required people to put alcohol in every room, even if it was just one abandoned bottle of Parkmore. “Is Whiskey alright?” James turned his head in Matthew’s direction.

“So you knew?” Matthew answered, seemingly in a staring competition with the mustard yellow wallpaper in front of him. “He told you?”

Whiskey it would be for a total lack of all other present choices James thought as he started to pour a glass.

Matthew kept going on his verbal onslaught towards the wallpaper. In all fairness mustard yellow was a color that could potentially enrage everyone. “How can he? It’s Alastair that we are talking about. It’s not as if there wasn’t any other man in London that Thomas couldn’t have a fling for.”

James very much doubted that a fling could start to describe Thomas’s feelings for Alastair. However, seeing how Matthew was nearly spitting out every single one of his words, he thought it safer not to share this piece of information.

“Matthew, please calm down and control your anger or you’ll have me to worry about.” James handed the glass to Matthew, which he waved away.

“No, thank you. I don’t drink.”

James squinted. “Since when?”

“Since Paris.”

James couldn’t help but feel a pinch in his chest at the mention of Paris. Paris city of lights, city of lovers. An escape his friend had taken with the only girl James had ever, truly, loved since he was barely old enough to understand the concept. It was a wondrous thing how much pain a single word could hold.

“What a strange place to decide to stop drinking.” James took a sip of the honey-colored liquid, trying to hide his hurt to the best of his ability.

“Cordelia asked me to. That was her condition for coming with me.”

James did not want to go in the general direction of a conversation that involved Cordelia. Especially not if that conversation was with Matthew. He had written a letter. James had understood. He slightly had the urge to strangle his best friend for going with her; for loving her; he did not quite know. But that was it. They hadn’t spoken of Paris nor of Cordelia together and that was for the best. Neutral conversations were for the best, they could avoid the hurt and the blame, and if James let it come to that again who knew what would be next. Yet he couldn’t help but ask.

“Why did you leave?”

Matthew turned to James, his anger receding ever so slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” A beat, a choice to either keep going or retreat before it is too late. A beat, a choice to see where this could go “why did you go to Paris?”

“You owe me an answer first. Did you know about Alastair?”

“Yes.”

“How could you not tell me?”

“You weren’t here Matthew.” James’ voice almost broke, almost. “How was I supposed to tell you anything?”

James had wanted to throw so much more at Matthew’s face. Throw words that he wouldn’t be able to take back. He had been feeling so alone. So utterly lost after Grace’s admission. After Cordelia’s departure. He had needed his best friend. He had wanted to tell him so much, to figure it all out with him. To have Matthew hold him at times when he didn’t know if he could hold it up together and tell him, simply, that he believed in him. But Matthew hadn’t been in London. He had been in Paris. Happy. With Cordelia.

“And you accept it?” Matthew asked, carefully studying James.

“I guess it depends on what we are talking about. In any case,” James turned away from the fireplace to look at his friend. “why are you so against it if it makes Thomas happy?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because Alastair doesn’t deserve to be loved?”

“Maybe it is more about deserving a second chance rather than deserving of love. Maybe it is about getting a chance to fix your mistakes. Surely no one is worthless of that.”

“Sometimes the mistakes are too big to fix.” Matthew shrugged, breaking eye contact.

“Is that why you ran away?” The question was asked so softly as if asked any louder and James would be terrified to see Matthew run away again. James wasn’t sure he could bear it, no matter how much frustration towards Matthew he still felt.

“I didn’t run.” Matthew shook his head. His gaze far and distant as if in another land, in a shadow realm. “I took a train, there’s a difference. And I left because of Cordelia.”

James had an inkling he hadn’t left because of Cordelia but rather Cordelia had followed in a desperate pursuit to drown both of their sorrows in the glamour of a city like Paris. After all, Paris was so similar to Matthew, it was no wonder he had chosen it. At the surface, both were golden and shining like a polished jewel box. Once that jewel box was open, however, shadows, pain, and sadness would pour out like a damn breaking loose.

“I never thought you’d try to run away from me.” James knelt in front of Matthew, his knees landing on the soft midnight blue carpet. “That one day, I’d become a part of the shadows that you try to outrun.”

Matthew turned around so fast and reached for James’ face. His green eyes were darker than usual. “You’re not my shadows, Jamie Bach. You’re my home. You are the reason why I still believe I’m worth being forgiven for.” He said those words like a damned man dying for a confession, following blindly a faith he held so dear to his heart, hoping that that faith could be his saving grace. James understood that he had become that faith.

“Forgiven for what?” James asked.

“I can’t tell you.”

“It’s me, Matthew. What is so bad that you cannot tell me?”

“I can’t tell you because I’m afraid. I need you to stay with me. I need you to believe that I am good, even if it means that you believe in a lie.”

“Matthew …”

“If you keep choosing me and believing in me,” Matthew interrupted. If he couldn’t finish now, he never would. “then maybe I can believe that I am no monster.”

“You are not a monster, you are my parabatai.”

James felt like they were back on that bridge, at night, so close to being let in in Matthew’s secrets. Back then James hadn’t been in control of himself, he hadn’t known what was happening to him. He had lost his chance. It would not happen again. It could not happen again. James was so tired of walking a frayed rope line with Matthew, guessing at hinted truths. Being someone’s constant north took work and time and effort but because it was Matthew, James could do it. He would always do it and he needed Matthew to know that as clearly as they both knew that one day would come when they would both cross the other side together. Because after all, that was what it had always been about. Despite shadows and lies and deceptions and miscommunication, they would always be together. So James continued.

“Do you know what that means? It means that I made a promise to you. I said entreat me not to leave thee, for wither thou goest, I will go. If aught but death part thee and me. I will not leave. No matter what you’ve done, I will stand by you, because that is the choice that I have made. That I still make. There is not a thing in this world that you could have done that would make me stop loving you, calon fy enaid.”

Matthew looked up at James and teased “Does that mean that you accept my feelings for Cordelia?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I must say, I don’t think I’m her type. It’s a pity, really.” Some strands of Matthew’s hair fell in his eyes as he shook his head. James could see the old Matthew again. The carefree one that balanced out his own shadows so well. The one he would choose and forgive a thousand times over because he too was his home.

“Matthew.”

“All right, all right.” Matthew threw his hands up in a mock gesture of surrender. “I just … wish you could promise that I would not lose you.”

“I promise.”

“You can’t promise something you don’t know.” Matthew said before he started to talk about his own misbeliefs that had led to a terrible accident. James listened and did not judge and stayed long in the night after Matthew had said everything that had weighted so heavy on his heart for so long. And somewhere, under the warm light of oil lamps and next to a warm fire, the frayed rope between the two started to mend and James could only describe the feeling as one of coming home.

Tag List: @lady-ofroses @clockworknights @the-axewielding-herondale @tess-the-dreamer @coloandreablog

Do let me know if you want to be on the tag list and I’ll happily add you! (I have a tag list now visibly, wild and mind-blown) I will try to post more now that my exams are somewhat done. Who am I kidding? There will always be more stuff to do XD

#tlh fanfic #the last hours fanfiction #the last hours #tlh #coi spoilers #coi #chain of iron #chain of gold #chog #Matthew Fairchild #james herondale #lucie herondale #jesse blackthorn #cordelia carstairs #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #grace blackthorn #jordelia

39 notes · View notes