How do I get people to treat me like a dog? I'm so fucking burned out and tired of pretending to be a functional human being and I've been basically only domming for months. There have been isolated exceptions, sure, but it feels like I'm running on maybe if I'm lucky once a week ten second instances of relief and counterintuitively self-sustaining trauma. I can't recharge just by taking breaks from being dommey, either. It's like noticing your phone battery is low, so you turn it off for a bit. How the fuck is that supposed to help anything in the long-term? Like, some nice stuff happened over winter break, but then I go home and remember that my normal is this awful situation. And it's not like I don't love my subs, I really do and I do find fulfillment with them, they mean worlds to me, but it's like all water, no food. I can't sustain myself like this. I know this is probably the dumbest fucking thing anyone has ever vented about, "oh, I feel so sad because nobody is calling me a good puppy," but just. I can't handle being in constant control. I'm just not human. I'm not supposed to be like this. I have to keep this mask up and this hat on 24/7 and it's genuinely killing me. I just need to give it up for five fucking minutes. I need breaks. I need time to be myself that I can rely on. I need to know that when I go home after a miserable day of dealing with asshole college students who don't know what a thought experiment is and deranged zionist cishets ranting about the economy, I can stop pretending to be something I'm not. And the unfortunate truth is that I need that process to be facilitated. Maybe it's unhealthy, it probably is, but this is my poison. This is my coping mechanism. This is what I burst into tears thinking about at 3am. I can't fucking live like this. I need to be able to feel like me. I'm a severely unstable half-formed wannabe "woman" who thinks it's a robot dog, and if that's what I'm stuck being, why can't I at least be allowed to feel like the insane piece of shit that I am enough that I don't want to be vivisected and put in a museum rather than spend another month drifting even farther away from the already miserable shit that I am?

bro this isn’t funny. I’m fucking gonna die. I failed my fucking physics midterm, and I still have another one to take. I have a fucking %59. A FUCKING %59! I’VE NEVER HAD A GRADE SO FUCKING LOW. IF MY MOM FINDS OUT IT’S FUCKING OVER.

bro no matter how much tutoring I take nothing is working. What do I do I can’t do this anymore. Someone please help me I’m caving under the stress the pressure is killing me why is high school so hard? I wanna go back to middle school I don’t wanna be in high school. My mom is gonna take everything I like away if she finds out and they’re sending out grades soon. I need help guys I can’t take this anymore I’ve never been so stressed and it’s only gonna get worse. Those were fucking midterms. What about regents? Then what? It’s not just grades it’s my future. What about college what do I do? I want to be strong I want to hang on but it’s hard. It’s too hard for me I’m struggling so much I can’t do this anymore help me help me help me please help me.

TW: Heavy Vent | Be Mindful!

• I honestly has been watching a lot of original animation meme videos on YouTube and thought it. I do not have enough resources and money to buy a WACOM graphic tablet because they're over of $ 100.000/200.000 ARS and Argentina has a terrible economy crisis. I'm economically unable to buy a graphic tablet to start animation because I do not have a proper job and I do need it because I want to start creating my own original memes and be a trend on social media but...Idk, I'm also afraid of people taking first the idea and that hurts a lot because I know I'm extremely original with coming up with ideas and seeing people having the same shit as mine hits quite hard. It truly hurts. And that's something people must be aware too. Fight for your own copyright shit hits real. And that's why I won't let anyone to steal/copy or take heavy inspiration from my art, ideas, designs and the rest of my copyright boundaries. I'm overly protective with my ideas and my mental animatics. I'm also a competitive person which is never a good idea to activate my competitive side.

So overall, I want to be a original Portal animation meme maker. I do also want to inspire people to create their own memes through mine as the main trend. I love Portal a lot, sincerely a lot. The same happens to the Nimona Fandom. I want to be a future trend in both Fandoms and I would feel super happy and honoured when people gets inspired by my ideas.

- That's all I wanted to vent. I know it may sound obvious but well, that's what I've been hiding. I know it's not good to hide your feelings and thoughts. So here I am, venting publicly.

Just feel free to say something but remain yourself very respectful, nice and mindful please! :')

Feel free to ignore

cw: bright image, incest, self harm, sexual assault and harassment, grooming, manipulation, sexualization of minor

My dad's mad at me because I threw a pack of sticky notes at his face really hard when he invaded my boundaries to try and tease me. Like ohhhh my gooood it's almost like there was a major event early in my life that made me really fucking uncomfortable when people touch me without permission. Don't get mad at me for retaliating when you knowingly crossed my boundaries FOR FUN. I don't care if that’s "just what you do" you've been living with me my whole life you were THERE when my uncle was arrested for molesting me, how are you not connecting these fucking dots. And then you DON'T wanna talk about it to rectify the mistake and communicate our fucking boundaries?? You didn't even fucking apologize you just got pissy and frustrated at me. I apologized. Fuck this, man

ahhhhhh I had a nightmare that I had to go to school again. That's silly but like my general schooling experience makes my anxiety go thru the roof (part of the reason I dropped out) and I woke up w my heart racing bc I had a dream that I put my foot down and said that I was done and instead of my dad letting me quit he forced me to go back and that's terrifying to me.

The entire time I was in High School I was in a manipulative relationship and felt like I had to be texting them every waking moment, so I neglected schoolwork. Ontop of that my mom died during my freshman year ending summer in June, and the entire time I was in high school my dad made it seem like the only reason I needed to go to high school was because "Once he graduates he can get a job' - he treated me like such w waste of space and a nuisance for needing him to drive me in the mornings bc i don't have a license or learners permit and I've had multiple social anxiety attacks and autistic meltdowns on school busses and at school. Idk man I just... It's been like, a year since I dropped out and I still get these nightmares of me being forced to go again. Of all the expectations I faced. The people around me being mad I was failing even though no one helped me, the overstimulation the crowds gave me, the feel of needing to rely on some online partner who drained me and made me feel like I couldn't focus on school work or anything except them, the guilt I faced of things I did at 15-16 to my ex friends that I can never forget, so many things are associated with my schooling experience it makes me wake up sick and nauseated just thinking abt school. I never wanna go back. I didn't have a single friend in my high school experience, and the one friend i had in freshman year was not in any of my classes or lunch periods for the rest of my entire HS experience. They purposefully seperate friend's that aren't hurting anyone but they let obnoxious loud kids who keep disrupting classes sit together. I feel like maybe if they didn't separate us, I'd still be talking to him, I'd maybe have had a better schooling experience bc I'd have had someone to lean on that wasn't an online partner at the time, not even my dad listened to me about my stresses, he always said I was overreacting. Maybe I'm starting a period or something, take a pill it'll go away. It doesn't just go away with a pill, it was scary. It was traumatic. I never want to be in the range of a school system again 😭😭😭 Maybe I am being dramatic but it makes me want to vomit in the mornings and wake up in a cold sweat with my heart racing, and my anxiety can't take it, even years after i dropped out i still FEAR it all.

the real reason why i always use a skull mask, sometimes i can't feel my jaw. almost as it has fallen off my face...

Taglist: @rottent33th @slaasherslut @the-pinstriped-hood @mom-of-the-opera @allthingsblood @texaschainsawslvt @angxlslasher @kalid-raven @ajarofpickledtears @mr-trick @capybar00 @probably-a-plant-thing @bluecoolr-main @solmints-messyocdiary @goldrose-star

ok uhm yeah ig if I'm venting on main🔥

heavy s/h warning (i am ok)

just had my psychiatrist appointment and my psychiatrist is really nice but wh. why did they have to check my blood pressure lol

so the nurse saw my arm yayayayys/sarc and then I told my psychiatrist about my s/h since she asked and I managed to convince her not to tell my family but the requirement is that I tell my therapist who. is obligated to tell my family. uh

I also had to show her my arm bc she wanted to check if it was infected or anything. yippee/sarc

and then like a couple days ago my math teacher most likely saw my arms and didn't say anything ^^/sarc did. did bro not care or🔥

LIKE I feel bad for making a big deal out of it I just thought it was weird. hey if you care about your students what about the clearly visible cuts. like im not trying to just make it about myself "oh I feel like shit I deserve pity" no I'm pretty sure I deserve this lol but like does. does she even care lol. about any student. do you see what I mean?/rh/nm

syshsgagd dyayya yippee yahoo I relapesd yyayssg/sarc!!!!!!!

help I can't take this seriously my pfp is so silly🔥

Host, genuinely sobbing: I can't pinpoint when everything started to fall apart!

Host's father, in the most sarcastic tone a human being could possibly take: really? Y'can't? 'Cause...

SHUT THE FUCK UP KYS WE HAVE A FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER THAT CAUSES US TO LEGITIMATELY BLOCK OUT TIMES OF EXTREME STRESS WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THEY ONLY REMEMBER THEIR FRIENDS AND NOT HOW FAST EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT THAT'S THE POINT THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT I HATE THESE GODDAMN PEOPLE SO FUCKING MUCH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST NO WONDER WE'RE A SYSTEM YOU SHITS ARE SO FUCKING ARROGANT

And now Parker can't talk about the rest of what's bothering them or explain themself because they don't feel comfortable actually talking about any of their symptoms when you two constantly dismiss and explain them away.

You wonder why "it never came up"

You wonder why they didn't tell you when things got bad.

You shouldn't have to fucking wonder.

⚠️: blood, major injury, taking one's own life

Anyways I always fuck up something lmfao why

Yesterday I gave my brother a Christmas gift and he IMMEDIATELY POINTED OUT WHAT HE DIDNT LIKE ABOUT IT AND I REPEATEDLY TOLD HIM IT TOOK ME LIKE 2 MONTHS TO FUCKING FIND IT

And today my mother had to criticise how I was cooking and as a result I FUCKED IT UP THE WAY SHE TOLD ME TO DO IT WHEN I WAS DOING IT FUCKING FINE

AND MY WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE IVE ALWAYS BEEN A FUCKUP, IVE FUCKED UP EVERY GODDAMN THING

Oh and last night I was sobbing and wanted to fucking kill myself, so goddamn lucky I didn't just fucking kill myself

My father has been screaming at my mother so much since she returned from the hospital, told her she ruined christmas, and said he wished she'd have stayed at the hospital, and told her she didn't care about our family. He was screaming at her like a fucking banshee so much that when my irl friend asked me if she was home on snapchat, I just sent a video of me sobbing and said 'yeap she's home' and then another of me barely leaving my room to be introduced to a slough of screaming voices

YEAP THATS HOW FUCKING BAD IT WAS LAST NIGHT I WAS TEMPTED TO TELL EVERYONE IM FRIENDS WITH IRL I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF

But instead I cried myself to sleep

TW: HEAVY TOPICS, BUGS

made a bunch of vent thingys idk what to call them

and no, these are not made to be aesthetic. these are actually vents, from the heart. i chose these images because they resonate with me, not because theyre aesthetic. anyways there are a lot of canine ones, prob cause im canine kin??? idk they just kinda felt right to use but uh yeah :/

ffs my fucking anti depressants arent working

theyre doing the exact opposite of what i need to do

so if im not hyperfocused on smth i get a bunch of intrusive thoughts

over and over again

"i need to kms. i need to kms. i need to kms."

again and again

i am completely dysfunctional and no one fucking cares

i still have to go to school every day

i cant do this any more

maybe i should just give in

idk if I'm a hypochondriac or not but like I'll sit and while I'm alone, I'm constantly worried something bad will happen to me. Like, what if I have cancer that I don't know about? What if I have a certain amount of days to live, and each pain is a warning sign. A migraine for hours could mean my brain is going to explode. What if I have brain cancer? What if I die one day, not knowing I was going too. What if I fall asleep, and don't wake up. I'm just 18, I don't want to die. It's scaring me. Every little thing wrong with me could be pointing to a worse situation. I have constipation issues, I have headaches constantly, I can feel the skin on my body. I check my wrist veins, they're slightly less blue than usual. Slightly less large than usual. What if my heart stops? what if I have something wrong with my body, what if I have something deadly wrong with me? What if my kidneys are failing? What if I die from poor hygiene or my awful diet, what if I can't do anything to stop it. Will I live long enough to see my boyfriend in person? What if I don't. What if I die in a horrible car accident, because my dads too high to drive correctly? What my heart randomly just stops. What if I die? I'm so scared I'm gonna die. I don't wanna die yet, I'm too young. What if there's nothing after death? I don't know what I believe in. What if I don't believe in anything? What if when I die, I cease to exist? What if when I die, I DO go to hell because, I missed my chance to be saved or something. What if there is a heaven and I am not going to make it. What if there isn't? What if I waste my time on a belief that isn't real, only to die and become nothing? What if my back pain means my organs are failing? I'm so fucking scared. I really really want to be okay, I want to go to a hospital everyday and check everything, but I can't. What if there is something horribly wrong with me? What if I don't have time to act on it? What if I die. What if I can't meet my friends in person? What if I die and my friends suffer because I'm gone? What if I don't get off my ass, be brave, and take the chance to apologize to my ex best friend, for leaving, and being such a cruel person to her at her lowest? What if everyone leaves me, and I die a heavily hated person? What if I don't leave an impact on anything when I'm gone? Is my life meaningless? Pointless? Would life be fine even when I'm gone? Would everyone live on without me without a care or trace? I don't wanna die, I'm scared, im so fucking scared im only 18 but I'll be 70 in a blink of an eye will i even live long enough to be 70 what if i can't live these cute fantasies with my bfwhat if i die young and can't wake up and make him coffee what if he never gets to make ME coffee what if we never meet i have spasms in my skinwhat if my heart is stopping what if theres something under my skin what if there are bugs in my brain i have a roach infestation what if they lay eggs in my eears and eat me to death what if i die from a terrible paingul deiseasea d my last moments on earth are painful

TW: VENT

Struggling with your own body is not fun.