The Screams Came Back
(Also on ao3)
(TW: PTSD, Hearing voices, hearing screaming, referenced self harm, referenced hospitalization [though it’s implied to be less of a hospital and more of a torture thing I suppose])
Note: You ever wake up to some genuinely horrible news, and then that somehow triggers a trip down traumatic memory lane that is wholly unrelated, and then hours later, you shit out a 692 word vent fic that references an event that is a very very thinly veiled metaphor of what actually happened?
Yeah, me neither.
(For real though, don't read this fic if you expect this to have a bitter sweet ending or some kind of message behind it like a lot of my other fics do because I'll tell you right now, this ain't it.)
“Let go of me!”
No.
Lucretia's grip tightens on her staff as she freezes in the middle of the courtyard. Not again. Please not again. She hasn't heard him scream in years please please please not here. Not now.
“I said let me go!” He's yelling. It always starts with him yelling.
Her heart starts racing, and her hands begin to sweat. Shut up! He's fine now; just shut up!
“Please!” His voice is pitiful, desperate. “Please let me go!”
She squeezes her eyes shut for a few awful seconds and resists the urge to cover her ears. It wouldn't be of much use anyway.
Magnus screams. He screams and screams and screams like someone is murdering him, but no one is hurting him anymore. No one is even touching him, and still, he screams.
Lucretia's eyes snap open, and she all but runs back to the dome that houses her bedroom. This is in the past. He's safe in Raven's Roost now. Please stop screaming. Please please please–
She's dimly aware that someone might have called out her name as she opens the door to the dome, but she can't hear them over Magnus' screaming and her own thundering heartbeat, nor does she have the will to care at the moment.
“Stop! Let go of me!”
Lucretia throws open the door to her room and slams it shut behind her again, and she locks it up tight. Then she races to her bathroom, discarding her staff on the way, and she skids to a halt in front of her sink, panting slightly.
He screams again, and it's an awful, painful thing. He's so scared and terrified and trying to talk to him only makes it worse. He just screams louder and louder every time they do, and he hits himself, and they can't do anything but watch because making any kind of physical contact to stop him makes it so much worse.
Lucretia turns on the faucet and splashes water on her face. Cycle 90 was about 17 years ago. They were able to get him out of that fucking “hospital”, and it only took a month and a half for him to stop screaming. For him to realize he was safe again. That was all within the same year. She stopped hearing him scream in her head ten years ago. Why is he back now? He's in Raven's Roost; he's fine!
Magnus screams again, impossibly louder this time, and Lucretia slams her fists down on the counter, tears threatening to spill over and slide down her cheeks. He's safe now! He's safe! He's safe he's safe he's safe–
“Let me out! Let me out of here!”
Lucretia swallows a particularly large lump in her throat and fights to breathe. Her heart feels heavy and like it's being slowly ripped in half. She won't complain about the Silence again. Please. She can deal with the deafening, oppressive silence of being alone. She can deal with anything except this. Please not this again. Please!
Magnus starts sobbing. “Please let me go. Please let go of me. Please.”
Lucretia fully breaks down into tears. Her legs give out from under her, and she falls to her knees. She leans her forehead against the counter as loud sobs shake her entire body. She knows it's her fault. They all told her it wasn't, but it was. It's always her fault. She should have gotten him sooner. She doesn't know how, but she should have found a way. It should have been her. She should have been the one they took, not him! He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of this.
“I just want you to let me go. Please. Just let me go.”
“I'm sorry,” Lucretia sobs, her voice barely above a whisper because that's the only volume the little air capable of going into her lungs can provide her. “I'm so sorry.” Please, just stop. No one was holding him anymore. No one was even touching him. Please just let it stop.
“Just let me go,” Magnus' voice cracks on the last word.
Lucretia gasps for air and whispers, “I'm sorry.”
4 notes
·
View notes
"Mental health matters" until its a minor struggling with substance abuse
"Mental health matters" until someone doesn't want/refuses help
"mental health matters" until someone struggles with an addiction
"Mental health matters" until someone is unable to do 'basic' hygiene
"Mental health matters" until someone is deemed violent and scary
"Mental health matters" until someone doesn't 'look like' their struggling
"Mental health matters" until someone has bulimia or bed
"Mental health matters" until someone wants to get worse
"Mental health matters" until someone is a dropout or unemployed
"Mental health matters" until someone has disturbing intrusive thoughts
"mental health matters" until someone is delusional
"Mental health matters" until someone struggles with hallucinations and hearing voices
"mental health matters" until someone is extremely scared of other people
"Mental health matters" until someone has violent outbursts
"Mental health matters" until someone has trouble masking/ can't mask their illness
"Mental health matters" until it doesn't fit your romanticized view abt it
(feel free to add onto this)
397 notes
·
View notes
Reasons to watch hit anime Psycho-Pass if you're a Bungou Stray Dogs enthusiast:
Detectives
Very cool discussions on morals
The protagonist is voiced by Lucy's va, and she's fabulous. (No I'm not kidding. one of the best written female characters I've ever seen if I can speak on the matter.)
You know the whole stray dogs symbolism that is everywhere in bsd? Well pp has that with hunting dogs
Characters will be quoting irl authors every two scenes so there's that
Gay people no queerbait!! Like actual gay people™ being gay™!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know how bsd has this kind of very annoying character who makes his coworkers lives miserable that is kind of fun to watch but you'd hate to meet irl? There's a character like that in pp too and she's a woman so I count it as a win
Complex and elaborate characters!!!! Human characters!!!! Characters that question their beliefs!!!!
A character that kinda looks like Tanizaki and a character that kinda looks like Poe
Also I'm aware there's a venn diagram of people who like bsd and ynm so you'll be delighted to find out the first season manga adaptation is illustrated by the same artist of the ynm manga
Don't watch the third season it's not worth it
316 notes
·
View notes
Based on me 5 seconds ago
Steve and Eddie were just casually lounging in the living room, a random video on YouTube playing- one that Eddie picked.
Then, all the sudden Chad Chad was interrupted for a movie trailer. Steve was about to skip it without looking up when Eddie gasped loudly, shooting up and dropping his book without marking the page, something he'd definitely regret when the trailer is over.
"STEVE, HOLY SHIT, IT'S GARFIELD!" Eddie shouts. Their mangy little orange cat comes trotting in at that, Eddie wanted a black cat but freaked in a similar way when he saw this sickly little thing that needs expensive food and medicine.
"Not you, trash cat" Steve says, picking the little thing up as Eddie practically starts crying at the cute little animated kitten on the screen, falling to his knees and crawling towards the TV.
"OH MY GOD, STEVE, HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT" He yells, not even looking at Steve as he places his hands over their little cat son's ears so he won't hear Eddie's cursing. Eddie's holding onto the edge of the TV stand in a white knuckled grip, but his dramatic sobbing ceases the moment the Garfield on screen speaks.
"Is that fucking Chris Pratt?" Eddie says, slowly picking up his head and looking on in horror. And as if on cue, Chris Pratt's name flashes on screen. Eddie just stands up, throwing his arms in the air.
"Nope. No, no, nope. Ruined." He says as he flops back onto the couch next to Steve, face down into the cushions. Eddie literally has a Garfield tattoo on his ass, this is devastating for his favorite cartoon cat to be voiced by... Chris Pratt. Eddie looks up at the Garfield in Steve's lap, scratching the top of the scrimbly little cat's head.
"You're not voiced by Chris Pratt, are you, sweet boy?" He asks the mangy thing.
56 notes
·
View notes