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swagcoolcat · 1 year

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RANDOM THINGS FROM BE MORE CHILL BROADWAY THAT I REALLY LIKE: CLIPS

(Note before we begin, LGW and MitB aren’t from Broadway here. LGW is from off Broadway, and MitB is from a rehearsal. I couldn’t get Broadway versions, and I can’t clip longer than a minute, so that’s how I tried to resolve that.)

Act 1:

The SQUIP telling the audience not to record (x)

Jeremy looking exhausted the moment he walks onto the stage (x)

The bus effect during More Than Survive (x)

The way Christine acts when Jeremy is singing about her, 1. (x) and 2. (x)

Jeremy seeming to agree with Christine’s ‘touch of ADD’ (x)

“There’s also a part of me that wants to do this!” (x)

Mr Reyes explaining the play (x)

Jake slapping his bicep (x)

“Leave me alone, I’ve had a bad day!” (x)

Rich flopping onto his back and Jeremy leaving him there to die (x)

Jeremy quietly whispering “drugs” (x)

Michael’s whole thing with Crystal Pepsi (x)

Michael’s shimmies during “cool in college” (x)

Michael’s body rolls, More Than Survive (x), Two Player Game (x), The Play (x)

The spin thing Jeremy and Michael do at the end of Two Player Game (x)

The box of squips being the only light source on stage (x)

Intro to BMC Part 1 (x)

Jeremy exaggerating while following the SQUIP’s directions (x)

“LOOKANG PRETTAY SEXAY BROOKUH” (x)

Chloe breaking a hanger at the mention of Madeline’s name (x)

“She is a life 👏 ru 👏 in 👏 er 👏 uh 👏” (x)

Brooke slapping Jeremy with her straw (x)

Jeremy trying to floss (x)

Chloe kicking away Christine’s backpack (x)

The whole Bowling Alley Performance Art scene (x)

Jeremy lifting Christine toward the end of A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into (x)

“Eminem is dead?!” (x)

“I’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am” round (x)

“Sever your ties, or you both drown.” (x)

All of Loser Geek Whatever (x)

Act 2:

Brooke talking about why she likes Halloween (x)

“Right, I’m Prince!” (x)

The SQUIP dancing with the students during Halloween (x)

Chloe falling backwards onto Jake’s parents’ bed (x)

The SQUIP face planting onto the bed (x)

“Yeah, unless you use it like you!” (x)

“I’m having my period!” (x)

All of Michael in the Bathroom (x)

Christine talking about her feelings on her costume (x)

“Seriously, where the FUCK can I get some Mountain Dew Red?!” (x)

Christine’s pucking pun (x)

Christine and Jeremy vocally stimming (x)

Christine simply saying no, followed by ‘I’m sorry’ instead of explaining why she turned Jeremy down (x)

The SQUIP entering with a “hello, Jeremy” after Jeremy’s had the worst night of his life (x)

Rich making the choice to burn the house down (x)

Brooke throwing her banana during the smartphone hour (x)

George Salazar and Jason Sweettooth William’s entrance in the Smartphone Hour (x)

“A house party? You took my car to a house party? And the house BURNED DOWN?!” (x)

Jeremy getting angry with his dad (x)

Michael being visibly uncomfortable during the pants song (x)

The whole “say it like you mean it” thing (x)

Mr Heere flashing Michael, then the neighborhood (x)

“WAAAAIIIIT!!! How? Are you? Doing? Today?” (x)

Jenna’s vocals during The Pitiful Children (x)

Michael mocking Jeremy during the play (x)

Jeremy flipping off his SQUIP (x)

Michael being punched in the face twice during the play, by Jeremy (x), and by Jenna (x)

The arm crawl thing Rich does on Michael (x)

Christine’s SQUIP being Ruth Bader Ginsburg (x)

Everyone dancing together at the end of Voices in my Head (x)

Tags:

@emotional-moss @silksong-when @happistar @thesquirrelqueer @stoptestingme @cleanupyourlooks

Final notes:

I’m sorry this took me so long! Even after collecting all the clips, it was just really tedious to organize them and list them, and at one point I accidentally closed the app without saving so I lost a ton of progress. Plus, I’ve just been kinda busy. But! It’s here now!

If you’d like any other moments from the show clipped, I can do that for you! I can also clip most (not all) of these from a different video that’s not from closing night. This one zooms in on the characters more, so I’d be able to get clearer shots. Just let me know, I’ll grab it for you, no problem, as long as it’s not closing night exclusive.

Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy!

#be more chill #bmc #long post

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ohblackdiamond · 3 years

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curved air (ace/peter, nc-17)

They didn’t do it every single night on tour. Just a lot of nights. Peter wasn’t even sure when it had started—it had to have been early on, when they were still sharing rooms. But at some point, years ago, he and Ace and Paul had started showering together after the show.

Notes: For @planet-neun. Merry Christmas, and I’m sorry I’m a day late, as usual!

It had been a brilliant show.

Even now, a month into the reunion tour, Peter couldn’t quite believe how brilliant. How invigorating. How many people. The kids—kids younger than Jennilee, out there on their dads’ shoulders, wearing their makeup. The college girls, their hair and clothes so different from all those years prior, but their wants the same as ever—he wasn’t as interested in them as he used to be, but it was still a thrill just to see them there. Five or six of them had tossed bras up at the stage, and Gene and Paul had collected them like trophies, gleefully hooking them to their mic stands during the show. Like they’d never seen them before, when Peter knew they had. Gene had even brought the bra with the biggest cups backstage, half-jokingly telling a roadie to find the owner, like a demented version of Cinderella’s glass slipper.

The want was more exciting than the money. Seeing so many peoples’ faces lighting up. No one had wanted to see him in so long. He remembered the clubs and bars he’d been reduced to. Even when he’d been on tour with Ace last year, the crowds were nothing, less than nothing, in comparison. Almost no one had asked for his autograph in years, outside of the convention circuit, and now—

It was surreal. A second shot. He wouldn’t waste it. He couldn’t.

The one thing he’d been scared would hold him back wasn’t yet. The pain in his arms hadn’t been bad enough to affect his performances. He was trying, desperately, to prevent it however he could. He’d started dipping his arms in big bowls of ice immediately after getting off the stage. He had all sorts of wraps, too. None of the cortisone injections like he’d had in the seventies. The idea was, these days, to try to treat the pain and stiffness as naturally as possible, and he hoped to limit himself to over-the-counter anti-inflammatories, if he had to take anything. He’d be really careful.

His arms were still a bit pink from the ice. He rubbed at them absently, rolling up the sleeves of his bathrobe. He hadn’t stripped out of the costume and paint yet, the sweat making both stick to him like a second skin. He was waiting. Next to him, leaning against the wall and nursing a can of what Peter hoped was actually Pepsi, Ace was, too.

“Where’s Paul?” Ace asked. Peter had only seen him backstage briefly after the show. Gene was gone, too, but that was expected; he’d always head straight back to the hotel to bang groupies. He’d never been part of their post-concert routine. “Isn’t he hanging around?”

“I thought I saw him talking to Pam earlier.”

“That’s been at least fifteen minutes.” Ace hesitated, rubbing at his mouth with the back of his hand. Peter watched him blink at the black lipstick smear left on his skin, then laugh quietly, almost to himself. “She didn’t look too thrilled.”

That was an understatement. Paul’s wife had looked mildly humiliated after every concert so far.

“He’s probably cheating on her.”

“Fuck, he’s been cheating on her. But now he’s got lots better pickings than he used to.” Ace put his finger to his lips again, smudging away the lipstick at the cener. “’S different.”

“Cheating’s cheating.”

“Nah, man, I mean… he’s different, we’re different.” Ace took a swallow of his drink. Peter stepped up closer, trying to get a whiff of what was in the can without being obvious about it. Ace needed to knock it off. For Monique’s sake if not for his own. Keep his addictions more than an arm’s length away. Pete had done it more than ten years ago now. But Ace just seemed to keep on and keep on. It felt worse now than it used to, now that he saw him every day. It was like watching a man drown in an inch of water. “It’s not just the crowds. The show makes us different.”

“What do you mean?”

“You think Paulie’d be smacking his own ass onstage if he didn’t have the paint on?” Ace didn’t give him a chance to respond. “Nah. Pam’s not, y’know, used to that side of him.”

“The only side I see of him onstage is his ass. He’s not turning around like he used to.”

“Aw, Petey. Lemme make it up to you.”

Ace set the drink down on the table. Peter grabbed it, taking a sip, relieved when the only thing he tasted was Pepsi. Ace’s expression was unreadable at first, before the right side of his mouth raised up just slightly in a smile.

“I ain’t doing so bad. I promise. You wanna wait on him?”

It took a second before Peter realized what Ace meant. He hesitated, uncertain. If Paul and Pam were really having a row, Paul wouldn’t be back, ritual be damned. Part of him wanted to wait despite that. The rest of him wanted to step out of his sweaty spandex as soon as possible.

“Let’s just go. Any longer and this shit’ll be glued to my skin.”

“Wouldn’t be that bad a look,” Ace said, and clapped an arm around his shoulder. “C’mon.”

It would get pretty stupid. They’d done all sorts of comparisons on each others’ dicks, hard and flaccid. Soap-dropping. Smacking each other with washcloths. And they’d fooled around—sure, they’d all fooled around. It was if the shower was just another barrier to the real world. Like the inverse of Superman’s phone booth. Painted monsters coming in, regular guys coming out, with no one aware of the process in-between.

Peter had been surprised when the band showers resumed. Thought Paul would demure out of ego, not wanting the other two to see him stripped bare sixteen years on. But he’d been all for it. They hadn’t screwed around, just teased each other about the gut that those workout regimens hadn’t gotten rid of, but that was all right. It was fun. Reassuring. It felt good to know there was still a piece of the old times that really was just for them, a piece that had nothing to do with summoning up someone else’s nostalgia. It felt really good.

They’d usually use the showers by the dressing room, rather than the hotel. Ace would step in first, tinkering with the temperature, and then Peter, with Paul following behind. Twenty minutes easy of soaping up and shooting the shit. Which reminded Peter—

“You bring a pack of razors?”

“Said they’re in the shower.” Ace crooked another small grin. “They got everything ready for us right here whether we used ’em or not. Even the cold cream. Rider’s a mile long.”

“I can’t remember the last time I had a rider worth anything.”

“I can.” The velcro made an almost itchy sound as Ace, as blase about nudity as ever, peeled away the vest of his costume, tossing it on a chair for wardrobe to gather up later before starting on his boots, socks, and the leotard beneath. Wardrobe. They actually had wardrobe. A month in and it was still unbelievable. Peter inhaled sharply, then tugged off his shoes and socks, his bullet-belt of a vest. Stepped out of the leotard. The relief was almost instant, the cool air a balm on his sticky skin as they padded barefoot to the shower. “Last time I was with you.”

They really did have the cold cream there in a huge, personalized caddy in each shower stall. Had regular makeup removal wipes, too, and a fat stack of white towels of various sizes. Six different shampoos. Body wash. Acne cleanser. Bar soap. Loofahs. Razors. Condoms. Lube. God, and this wasn’t even the hotel. They didn’t even know whether KISS would even use the showers on-premises. He would’ve expected all this excess sixteen years ago. Now, it never failed to impress him. Never failed at all.

He picked up a washcloth and the cold cream out of habit and preference, unscrewing the jar and taking it with him back to the sink. One illusion he could take care of pretty quickly. He could hear Ace turning on the shower, and he waited, half-expecting Ace to call him in, but he didn’t. Instead, Ace headed over to the sink just as Peter dipped his fingers into the thick cream.

“Hold on, man.”

“What for?”

“Lemme give you a hand.” Ace scooped up some of the cream and started to spread it across Peter’s face. Messy dollops on his forehead, cheeks, and chin, before Ace rubbed it in properly with his fingers, the cream smearing away the paint, gradually exposing his skin. Ace smiled a little bit as he traced the tips of his fingers against Peter’s cheeks, turning the whiskers into smudged, blotchy ovals, and then nothing at all.

“Paint doesn’t hide as much as I thought it did,” Peter said dryly, after a glance in the mirror. Ace was still working on getting rid of the makeup, casually, slowly.

“You still look pretty good under there, y’know.”

“I’m fifty.”

“We can round down.” Ace took the washcloth, wet it, and wiped away the excess on his cheeks. “Close your eyes for me.”

Peter did. A second and Ace’s cream-coated fingers were carefully rubbing at the paint on his eyelids, spreading it out and up, towards his eyebrows and forehead.

“I never thought I’d be back to doing this at fifty. It’s… it’s far out, isn’t it? I still can’t believe it.” If the outdated turn of phrase bothered Ace any, he didn’t say anything, and Peter could feel the cloth against his eyelids next, just as gentle. “I can’t talk about it with Gene and Paul. They don’t get it.”

“They get it a lot better than you think.”

“Nah, nah. They…” Peter trailed, trying to come up with the right words as Ace kept wiping away his makeup. He wasn’t even mad at the other two for not getting it. He just wanted to explain. “They’ve been in that world so long. They dunno what it’s like to be down to nothing.”

“They’ve got a good idea. Maybe it was worse for them.”

“Worse? Are you serious? Come off it, Ace, they’re neck-deep in Hollywood bullshit and yes-men, they never—”

“This wasn’t just our last chance, Petey. It was theirs, too.” Ace didn’t elaborate any further. Peter opened his eyes, and saw Ace rinsing off the washcloth in the tap. The remnants of cream mixed with black greasepaint left a gray streak in the sink.

“I’ll get your makeup for you, Ace.”

“S’okay, I’ll get it.”

“No, I--”

“Don’t want you holding your arms up anymore than you gotta.”

A slight warmth started up somewhere in Peter’s stomach as he shook his head.

“It’s not so bad. Nothing like it used to be. C’mon, let me.”

Ace bit his lip, then nodded.

“Okay. But in the shower, yeah? There’s something else I wanna get up to.”

He tried to be careful, taking Ace’s makeup off. Ace was still mixing up some kind of powder for the silver starbursts, one that bothered his eyes. The cold cream almost melted between his fingers from the steam of the shower before he could even get it on Ace’s face, sliding off easily. He didn’t look so bad under the greasepaint. Not so bad at all, but there was a tiredness along with that old eerie awareness now. It was too early in the tour for Ace to be tired. Too early for Ace to be worried.

Peter kissed him as soon as the last remnants of makeup were washed away, on down to the lipstick. Ace returned the kiss almost immediately, looping an arm around him, pulling him close. They lingered like that awhile, under the spray of the shower, quiet and warm and wet. Then Ace, less lethargic and lackadaisical than usual, mouthed along his throat while his hand reached for Peter’s dick.

“Takes longer than it used to,” Peter warned, as if it’d really been that long since they’d last messed around. Maybe it’d been years since the last shower ritual had ended in handjobs and blowjobs, but it hadn’t been more than three days since the last time Ace’s body had ended up against his. Ace just winked.

“I got the time if you got the money, Cat.”

His hand was familiar. It felt the same as ever wrapped around his cock, pumping absently. Only the backdrop was different. Peter grunted, let Ace slowly ease him backwards until he felt the cool wall tile against his skin. His breath hitched as Ace worked him up to full attention. No hurry. Never any hurry. Not even in those shitty motels from ’74, the ones that ran out of hot water less than five minutes in. He and Paul would hop out, cursing and shivering, but Ace would just cackle once it turned cold. He acted like they always had all the time in the world to come.

The onslaught of water wasn’t direct now, just stray droplets amid the steam. Ace’s grip slacked off almost as abruptly as it had begun, as he sunk down to his knees in front of him, hands tracing his thighs.

He’d watched Ace take him in hundreds of times before. More times than he’d watched Ace’s knees buckle to the floor during the show. Down-down-down. It didn’t mean anything there. It meant something here, here in this in-between space, where all the magic of spandex and greasepaint faded and left them as they were, flawed and ordinary. It always would.

Peter’s hands found Ace’s soaked hair, pushing the wet strands back from his face. He closed his eyes again, and smiled.

#kiss the band #kiss fanfiction #ace frehley x peter criss #ace frehley #peter criss

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1036

survey by tickticktmr

How many...

How many times have you skipped class? I skipped one day a year back in high school, and that cut was always for this day-long event that the school would arrange to serve as a break from academic classes; for example, for those days we had like themed classes like knitting and it was also usually a themed costume day. I didn’t see the point in it, so I always skipped.

I cut a lot of classes in college that it’s impossible to count because, welp, it’s college lol.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Hundreds.

How many years have you known your second closest friend? 10 years.

How many alarm clocks are in the house? We don’t have any alarm clocks, but we have alarms built into our phones. If those count, then we have five.

How many people have you argued with? I don’t think I can count this. I’ve had arguments with various people ranging from mild bickering to full-blown fights.

How many times have you watched your favorite movie? I watched it every day for a certain period several years ago and I go back to it at least once every year. It’s probably been a little more than a hundred times.

How many people do you live with? Four, my parents and two siblings.

How many pairs of boots do you own? Zero.

How many people have told you they're in love with you? Just the one.

How many times have you cried over the opposite sex? A handful, but all have been in the non-romantic sense. I used to cry all the time when we’d drop my dad off at the airport, and I’ve cried over my grandpa’s and Nacho’s death as well.

How many people have been in your house at one time? Do you mean what’s the most number of people that’s stayed at our house at one given time? Not sure...maybe it was the time the entire executive board of my org came over for a meeting before the official start of the sem? It was only a little over 10 people, but then again my mom doesn’t appreciate too many visitors.

How many stuffed animals are in your room? There are a couple of plushies, but not anything bigger than that.

How many cellphones have you went through? Tons. I was my parents’ nightmare. I’ve gone through 8 so far.

How many pets do you have? We have two living ones, both dogs.

What would you do if...

What would you do if you could never listen to music again? I’d be really distraught over never being able to listen to my favorites anymore. Even if I don’t really listen to music when I’m depressed, i.e. now, I still like having the option to tune in when I feel like it. So even if it won’t be the end of the world, I’d still feel pretty damn lonely.

What would you do if your current bf/gf cheated on you? I don’t have one anymore but I’d be really puzzled and be betrayed if she had, given how much she hates cheaters and the act of cheating.

What would you do if you could never wear jeans again? Rejoice for the most part, but also be sad over mom jeans because they’re the only comfy kind of jeans and that’s the one type I genuinely enjoy wearing.

What would you do if your dad became president? Expect him to tap me for help almost immediately. I think he’d make a good leader considering he’s already one at his work, at least a far better one than my mom ever could be.

What would you do if you lost your most important possession? Right now that’s my laptop. If I lost that, I’d mostly be scared of the possibility of my parents whooping my ass; but at the same time my company just gave me a company laptop anyway so it’ll be easy to start over.

What would you do if your house burned down? Stop taking this survey, obviously. Then I’d grab my phone and Kimi, since he’s here with me in my room.

What would you do if your best friend didn't want to be friends anymore? I’d be devastated and start thinking if I’m the problem.

What would you do if you had to move do a different state/province? Thank fuck. I’d be relieved to have the chance to start from scratch, and I’d be all for it.

What would you do if someone shaved your head? Be furious, especially if they did it while I was asleep or otherwise unaware.

What would you do if Jesus came to your front door? Think that it’s probably an act and ask them to leave.

What would you do if your house was robbed? Check if my parents, sister, and dogs are unharmed.

What would you do if your sister/brother got married? Puzzled because 1) they are both single, 2) we are still in a pandemic and why would either of them want to get married right now, and 3) they are 20 and 17.

What would you do if dogs became extinct? Idk, be upset.

What would you do if the last person you kissed proposed to you? I’d be conflicted and a mix of emotions. I’m not sure I would take it well now, even if that’s all I wanted in the end.

Have you ever...

Have you ever broke a body part? I’ve mildly sprained an ankle, but I’ve never broken a bone or had an organ severely malfunction.

Have you ever broke someone else's body part? I don’t think so.

Have you ever changed for a guy/girl? I’ve adjusted a lot. Idk about change.

Tried to jump on a celebrity but been stopped by the security guards? Kind of? Greyson Chance walked into the mall right when I was exiting and my first instinct as a 14/15 year old was to grab my phone and start taking photos, even though I wasn’t even a fan and could not name any song of his and was just excited to see a Hollywood person in such a mundane circumstance lol. But it wasn’t the smartest move, obviously. I got to be a little too close just because we were crossing paths; I wasn’t trying to be near him, but that’s what his bodyguard interpreted so he asked me to back off.

Have you ever complained about the last person you spoke to? I don’t think there was ever anything to complain about Hans. We’ve always been on amazing terms and he’s one of the funniest people I know.

Have you ever cried on your mom's shoulder? As an infant.

Have you ever dialed 911 as a prank? No. I’m not a jerk.

Have you ever won a talent show? I don’t have anything to show off, so I never joined those.

Have you ever spilled a drink on a expensive electronic item and ruined it? Nah. As clumsy as I can be, I’m always careful with liquids and gadgets.

Have you ever fainted when someone told you shocking news? Nope. I’ve only fainted because I was extremely hungry.

Have you ever swooned over the Jonas Brothers? In 4th grade. I still like them, but I haven’t swooned over them in a while.

Have you ever bought a piece of makeup that cost over $100? No, I don’t buy makeup period.

Have you ever been cheated on by someone who claimed to love you? I haven’t.

Have you ever got food free because the waiter thought you were hot? No, and ew.

Do you...

Do you have someone who will always be there for you? Yeah, I’m lucky I have friends who remind me all the time.

Do you have a membership at a gym? No, was never interested.

Do you act dumb to get guys/girls to like you? No. Hasn’t this been debunked a million times?

Do you know anyone who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day? Possibly more, yes.

Do you follow the rules? As much as possible, yeah.

Do you have a friend who secretly really annoys you? Eh, kind of, but I don’t count her as a friend per se.

Do you always have Pepsi at your house? I don’t think my parents buy Pepsi whenever they get softdrinks. I’ve only ever seen Coca-Cola bottles.

Do you flirt with anything that moves? No.

Do you watch Sponge Bob? I watched it regularly as a kid; as an adult, I’ll watch the older episodes from time to time.

Do you count sheep when you can't sleep? No.

Do you sweat easily? Nah. I’ve been told I rarely look like I sweat, actually.

Do you like pineapple? Not at all.

Do you refuse to wear something that's out of style? If it’s something that’s recently gone out of style, like culottes, then yeah. But if you mean like 90s stuff like fanny packs and mom jeans, I believe those things are back in style all over again.

Do you type 'u' or 'you'? I type both, depending on what I feel like using and who I’m talking to.

What is...

What is your best friend's name? Angela. Maybe Gabie? But mainly Angela.

What is your first girlfriend/boyfriend's name? See second name above.

What is your neighbour's name? I have no clue what any of their names are other than the director who lives two houses away; his name is Mac.

What is your least favorite swear word? Faggot.

What is the best and most romantic way to propose to someone? I think it will always be different per couple, and if a given couple wants a romantic proposal in the first place.

What is something that always makes you laugh? The show Friends.

What is the name of your hometown? That’ll stay a secret.

What is the most gentle way to turn someone down? Idk...haven’t really had to do this before, and the one time I did wasn’t the nicest way.

What is the ugliest girl name? 1) Can’t think of any, and 2) that’s just mean.

What is the most boring thing to do? Technically, waiting. Especially if it’s for something mundane, like lining up for a government service.

What is the funnest kind of question to answer? On surveys? I appreciate random questions the most.

What is the most useless thing you know? I’ve read a lot of ‘useless’ trivia on Reddit that I’ll probably never have to use or bring up in this lifetime.

What is your favorite pair of pants? My mom jeans, which I always mention when asked this.

What is the best flavour of ice cream? I personally root for cookies and cream.

#survey #surveys

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puckngrind · 5 years

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Skating Lessons part 13

Summary: Halloween with Mason then the team.

Warning: Swearing, drinking, smut...

Word Count: 2993

Series Masterlist

“Josh, We don’t have to dress up to take Mace around the neighborhood.” You look at Josh already dressed head to toe in his costume and he was helping Mason finish putting on his fire hat and backpack.

“(y/n), go put your dress on so we can get our candy on!” Josh looks at you dressed in your normal beggar’s night shirt and jeans.

“Yeah, Momma! We need to get to Grandpa and Grandma’s!” Mason jumps up and down and Josh just laughs. You head back to your room to put on your dress and shoes. When you emerge out you see Mason standing between Josh’s legs on the couch and both of their faces looking at the map on Josh’s phone. You clear your throat to announce your return. Josh looks up and you can tell he approves without words.

“Momma looks like a princess doesn’t she Mace?” Josh asks Mason as he stands up.

“Thank you.” You smile at Josh thankful the thoughts in his head were filtered for Mason’s sake. “Mapping out your route boys?” You giggle a little as Josh squeezes your hip and raised his eyebrows at you in approval of your costume. “You know I have the best route since I grew up there right?” Mason and Josh both give you the same look of realization.

Getting out of the car Mason runs up to your parents. “Look look, Momma and Josh are Belle and Beast from Momma’s favorite movie!”

“They sure are.” Your mom looks you over and bends down to take in Mason. “And you are the cutest Marshall I’ve ever seen.” She kisses his forehead and adjusts his hat. “So, you two look great.” You mom stands and tugs at the low cut neckline and you swat at her hand. “the live action movie costume clearly?” She laughs a little and turns her attention back to Mason.

“You ready to go Mace?” Josh hands Mason’s his orange jack-o-lantern bucket you used as a kid. The three of you pose for a picture that Josh insisted on but he said he didn’t want to post it until after the two of you show up for the team party your reveal isn’t ruined. You laugh and love holding his hand while Mason walks from house to house. Josh compliments your route when he dives into Mason’s bucket to “check” for anything harmful. The three of you round the corner and head back to your parents.

“Have fun at your party!” Mason gives you a kiss then turns to Josh and wraps his arms around his legs. Josh looks at you with the sweetest smile and dips down to give Mason a hug.

Driving to the Foligno’s house you tug at your neckline and Josh’s eyes flash to your then back to the road.

“Sorry, I didn’t think about how low cut that was when I suggested you wear it out for trick or treating.” He places his hand on your knee. “I mean, I’m not really sorry because you look damn good, but clearly your mom thought it was a little low.” He snickers at the memory of your mom reverting back to your teen days when she would tug up or down at your clothing.

“It’s fine Josh. I love that you wanted us to be Beauty and the Beast. It’s really cute. And you don’t look half bad in that costume either.” You bite the inside of your lip to contain the laugher.

“I’m sorry babe...half bad?” He tightens his hand on your knee.

“Okay, okay...I want to jump your bones you look so sexy.” You run your fingers down his arm.

“Well that’s a dramatic jump.” Josh smirks at you and pulls into the Foligno’s driveway. “Ready to win this thing?” “Wait, what? It’s a competition?” You stutter and grab Josh’s wrist. He leans over to kiss you.

“No, but you’ve been around the team enough to know we always compete. And we are going to run away with this one babe!” He starts to get out of the car and you realize that he’s serious. Josh rounds the car and helps you out. Pulling you into him and you feel his strong hands dig into your hips. He leans into you and almost growls, “And I cannot wait to get you home tonight to celebrate.” His lips are on you and it’s passionate. You try to break free because you are standing outside in front of the captain’s house. Josh holds you tight. “Ready babe?” He breaks his grip and offers his arm as if to get into character.

There are plenty of cars already in the drive and you are thankful you should be able to slip into the party. What you didn’t expect were the cheers as the two of you walked in. You see several of the teammates and significant others you recognize. The team clearly loves Halloween.

Seth rounds the corner in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume and wraps you in a hug. “Nice job Andy! These costumes are amazIng.” He pulls at Josh’s lapel and flattens it to his chest in a pat. Your eyes scan the room. You catch Boone and Luc in turtle costumes as well. You scan for the fourth turtle and you don’t see any. You watch Josh and Seth’s interaction and you realize who the fourth turtle should have been. Seth walks away and Josh pulls you into him.

“Want to grab a drink babe?” He kisses the top of your head.

“You were suppose to be Michaelangelo weren’t you?” Your eyes flash where three turtles stand gathered then back at Josh.

“What? How do you know the na...yeah, but...”. Josh rambles.

“But nothing babe. You should have been what you said you were going to be. I could have come as Katniss or...” Josh kisses your lips to shut you up. Lifting up he runs his thump down your jaw.

“We bought the costumes before we started dating. The boys were fine with me ditching them for you. And don’t worry...Eric got called up and I gave him my costume. He’ll be here soon.” Josh still has his hand on your face looking at you with the sweetest grin that makes you melt into his hand. “Babe, I’m always going to pick you first. I hope you know that.” You aren’t sure how but you feel so connected to this man in a Beast costume that you don’t even realize a team photographer was right in front of you two trying to get your attention.

Josh pulls away and wraps his arm around your waist for a picture. You look up at him while the photographer is saying how amazing your costumes are and you hear his camera shutter again. “Well that may just be the shot.” He turned on his heels before you processed it. While you were getting use to the attention you feel the lump in your throat.

“J, what did he mean by that?” You whisper. Josh looks at you and you see the corner of his mouth curl up.

“Like for the cover picture when they feature our party...well sort of. They make sure we don’t have drinks in hand or anything but love showing off our costumes every year.” He starts leading you further into the house. Natalie comes up to you almost in a squeal gushing about your costume. You see Cam in the kitchen and you realize they are Pulp Fiction. Josh heads to the kitchen to grab drinks for the two of you.

“So how are things?” Natalie leads you to a couch to chat. “You seem to be more comfortable with all this.” She eyes the team mingling around the house.

“Yeah, I just don’t know how you do it. The fan girls, those who blame you if he has a bad game, the constantly being in the public eye.” You realize that Natalie is smiling at your small rant.

“Well, I get the anger thing. When Declan was a little and Cam would have an off game the amount of grown men who blamed our baby for keeping him up was ridiculous. Now, the fan girls...well Cam and Josh are very different plus we were together before he got drafted.” Your gaze moves from Natalie to Cam and Josh. Josh towers over him and they are pushing each other back and forth like brothers fighting over the last cookie. “Those two really do love each other.” Natalie laughs and you join her. Josh and Cam head your way with drinks in hand. Josh has a water with lime and you just look at him.

“Babe, water?” You question him as he squeezes between you and the arm of the couch.

“Yeah, driving you know...plus I think you could use this to relax.” He hands you a rum and diet Pepsi.

“You know I can drive if you are worried...” You protest and Josh almost shoves the drink in your mouth.

“Nope...” He over enunciates the p and then whispers in your ear, “I want to make sure I can take this off at my place tonight.” He whispers in your ear and runs his hand down your spine and you try hard not to spit out your drink in shock. “I still have the effect on you don’t I?” He is still in your ear and you just shake your head yes.

“Always surprising me that’s for sure.” You say loud enough that Texier chimes in as he walks by.

“Surprises, I like surprises.” He stops to look at you and you look at Josh who is laughing. “Tex, no...not...oh geez. I can’t! PL! HELP!” Josh is leaning behind your back laughing because he doesn’t even know what to say. You see Luc appear and look at Josh then puts his arm around Tex. You hear their French back and forth and then Tex looks at you and Josh then back at Luc who is chuckling a little. “What the hell Josh?” You elbow his chest and he sits up. “Talk about awkward!” Josh starts laughing harder and the Atkinsons join.

“Babe, sorry. I was not expecting that and the way you looked at Tex was seriously the best. I wish someone took a picture of the whole thing.”

“JOSH!” You shift to look at him. He has tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. “Are you sure you haven’t had a drink? I don’t see how this is so funny.” Josh pulls your neck towards him and kisses you.

“Nope, just drunk on your love.” He releases you and starts to sit up. You hear the sounds of heaving from Seth who you didn’t see grab the chair next to the couch.

“Andy, really? Come on man! You cannot say that crap around us and expect not to be chirped.” Seth throws the pillow sitting next to him at Josh who catches it.

“Truth hurts man! The damn truth hurts!” Josh throws it back. You know feel your cheeks are burning. You had been doing so well to stay the correct temperature all night.

You enjoyed yourself but when Josh suggested he was ready to head out you thankful. The whole way home he talked about awesome you fit in with the team and how much they love you. You walked hand in hand to his door. As soon as Josh shut the door he had you pinned against the door.

“Josh.” You breathe out as he runs his teeth down your next and suck in the spot that makes you weak.

“You’ve had me turned on since the moment you left your bedroom in this dress. I don’t know why I thought I was going to be able to handle myself around you. I had to be on my best behavior.” Josh returns back putting his mouth on the neckline of your dress. “And damn, what was I thinking? I tortured myself all fucking night.”

“Babe, can we shower? It has been a long day.” You kiss his forehead as he looks up from his praise.

“I mean sure...we can do all sorts of things in the shower.” He laughs and pulls you down the hall. He takes his time to help you out of your dress and you help him out of his costume as well.

Josh takes time to wash your hair and lathers up your body taking a bit of in his favorite areas. He bends over and kisses your body as you wash his hair and takes off his makeup. Rubbing your hands over his abs he stops you and pulls you into him. “I need you babe.” He crashes his lips into yours and pulls at your thighs to lift you up.

“Uh, I’m not sure...you are going to hurt yourself. You are so tall.” You barely make out before Josh has his lips on you again.

“You trust me right?” Josh leans back and looks into your eyes as the water drips off his hair.

“Of course, I just don’t want you to get hurt and not be able to play.” With that Josh laughs and his head falls into the steady steam of water.

“(y/n), I lift grown men off their skates while barreling down the ice. I think I can handle this.” He doesn’t let you protest again and you feel how hard he is against your stomach as he moves you closer to the wall. Josh picks you up again and gentle guides you onto his length and you moan as Josh fills you up with that familiar stretch. “You okay?” He pulls his chest away from yours to look into your eyes and you nod before he leans forwards and starts to push harder into you. You shift as Josh bottoms out in you and the movement bites down on your shoulder. “Fuuucck do you feel so good babe.” He kisses where he just left teeth marks but doesn’t stop his rhythm. Josh tries to move his hand towards your clit but you slip a little. A slur of curse words come out of his mouth as he pulls you back up.

“Are you okay?” You ask out of breath.

“Yeah just trying to...” He stops as you slide your hand between the two of you and rub your clit. “Holy hell, (y/n) that’s hot. It’s going to make me...” “Don’t. I’m almost there.” You grab his hair and he growls.

“Cum with me babygirl.” Josh shutters and with that he sends you over the edge. Your orgasm washes over you as Josh fills you up. He presses his weight into you and you shiver from coming down from your orgasm and your skin was freezing from the water. “Babe, you are freezing.” Josh turns you around so you are back under the water.

“How do you still have hot water?” You catch your breath as Josh puts you back on the ground. Your legs shake and he steadies you.

“Perks to this building.” Josh chuckles as he slips out to grab you both towels. You turn off the water and he wraps you in a towel as you exit. “Damn I’m so lucky!” Josh lifts your chin and presses his lips lightly to yours.

“I could same thing you know?” You smile and run your hands down his chest. “I’m still not sure how I get all of your sexy ass self all to myself.” You giggle and head out to his bedroom. Josh follows. You pat yourself dry and then turn to Josh. He has the big fluffy towel wrapped around him hanging just right. You have your towel in our hands and your eyes flicker to him.

“Don’t you dare!” He barks at you. “I see that look...(y/n)!” He backs up as you wrap the towel and release snapping it perfectly across his abs.

“OUCH!” Josh yelled out and you laugh.

“What? My big tough hockey player can’t handle a little towel snap?” You put your tongue in your cheek and you see the look in Josh’s eyes. It takes him two seconds to pin you onto his bed. Your arms above your head and you wrap your legs around his hips.

“Oh does my baby need more of this?” Josh laughs a little and presses him body into yours. Your back arches up and the sound that came out of your mouth was filthy. “Can’t get enough can you?” He has a cocky sound in his voice that makes your body react.

“Can you handle me again after all that hard work?” You look into his eyes and the smirk on his face tells you that’s exactly what you needed to say to get him to move.

“Oh babe. I’m always ready for you.” He lifts up to pull your legs apart and settles between them. “How many rounds do you think you can handle tonight?” Josh says as he presses he thumb into your clit.

“I don’t think I”m the one you need to worry about.” You push yourself up on your elbows to look at Josh.

“Fuck, you do things to me babe that I cannot explain.” He dips down and runs his tongue through your folds. Your back arches with the touch. You love the way Josh adjusts to each movement you make and how your bodies melt into each other.

After what seems like a string of orgasms Josh pulls you into him and wraps his arms around you.

“So how long before we talk about living together?” Josh breathes into your hair.

“What?” You sit up and look at him.

“I’m serious.” Josh just looks at you and pulls you back to his chest. “we practically do anyway, I just want to know when it’s socially acceptable to ask. This is new for me.”

“Josh.” You try to sit up again and he pulls you into him.

#josh anderson #josh anderson imagine #my andy man 77 #halloween josh #skating lessons fic

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okaybutlikeimagine · 5 years

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What if Joyce and her kids and Hop and his (including Max if you want cus I can’t get enough how you write her and Billy’s relationship) all went on a road trip together?!

(okay i know i have other asks before this that i need to respond to but) I LOVE THIS SO MUCH AND I’M!!!! CRYIN!! (also thanks so much for the lovely compliment ohmydear♥i love writing them too it’s so fun)

Okay so i read this and i was like: ohman they’d have to take 2 cars or something bc there’s Joyce + Will and Jonathan and then Hop + El and Billy and then Max?? That’s 7 of them! But tHEN

IMAGINE THEM ALL IN A VW BUS!!!

Joyce is a hippie in my headcanon bc I love that shit and she could show the boys hippie music and help them through life w/ it and so anyway I’d like to think she’s aLWAYS wanted a VW bus. they’re just… cute as hell and so damn cool and she could decorate the inside w/ cute curtains and i just love that so much. so now imagine Billy and Jonathan knowing she’s always wanted one and Jonathan never having seen one but Billy having seen them everywhere in Cali and knowing exactly what Joyce is talking about and they both save up a SHIT. TON. of money (bc i dunno how expensive they were back then but they’re pretty cool cars that a lot of people wanted and they’re big, so) and Will and El even help out by mowing lawns for people or picking up a paper route (Jonathan doesn’t like the idea of them working but they insist) and they buy a used 1968 Kombi VW bus and Billy fixes it up a bit and it’s a faded light blue color and it’s definitely not pristine, it definitely looks a little loved, but it’s perfect and they all help fix up the interior and it’s??? The most beautiful thing. And they give it to her for her birthday or Christmas or something and Joyce cries an absolute RIVER and would hug them all for hours if Hop hadn’t torn her away to let them breathe

So anyway, when Billy and Jonathan graduate from high school in 1986 (i don’t wanna do all the math on when Billy’s birthday would have to be and when school cut offs are but Jonathan and Billy were both born in ‘67 sooooo) Joyce wants to go on a road trip w/ everyone!!!!! Bc how exciting!! and really it’s Joyce’s idea bc Jim doesn’t really like dealing w/ lots of people in one place but Joyce knows all the kids love Disney movies and she’s also always wanted to go to Disney World so they go! And they bring Max along bc El begs and pleads and Billy thinks it’d be good for her to get out of the house and Joyce 100% agrees bc even though Neil hasn’t done anything, the energy is negative and that shit affects a kid, y’know?? Plus they all love Max and would so adopt her if they could so she’s able to convince her mom and she goes w/ them and! just!

Imagine them all packed into a big VW bus w/ little floral curtains and funky retro seat covers, on the road at 7:30am and Joyce agreeing to drive the first few hours bc Hop is useless in the morning and conks out immediately once they get in. El and Will do too, El on Max’s shoulder and Will on Jonathan’s as Jonathan and Billy and Max start arguing for like, a good half hour about what music they should listen to on the trip down until there’s a lull in the fight and Joyce says she only brought her tapes of 60s and 70s music. so they all get educated on good hippie music.

and Billy and Max love each other, they do. they had a bumpy relationship when Billy was living at home before but they’re a lot closer now and they’ve been siblings for years now. but they’re just both such fiery personalities that they bicker more than half the time down. It’s a 16 hour drive (maybe even more??? If there are more roads now than in 1986) so it takes them 2 days and they’re so bratty towards each other.

So they’re all trying to explain what Disney World is to El who is still rather confused.

“We’re going to…. Another world?”

“What’s a… roller… coaster?”

“You mean Mickey Mouse is real??”

And that one makes Max giggle and shake her head.

“It’s like… Santa. People dress up as him and other characters and you can take pictures and stuff.” she gives a dangerous smirk then, turning around to look at Billy. “Billy’s afraid of them.”

“I am not.” He growls, kicking at her seat but trying not to kick too hard bc they worked too hard to get this van looking nice.

“You totally used to cry at anyone in a costume. We barely got to go trick or treating that one year because you were so freaked out.”

“Because our asshole neighbor was dressed as Jason and chased me down the fucking street!”

“Language!” Hop yells at the same time as Jonathan snorts. Billy reaches over Will to pinch Jonathan hard.

“Is that why you were shaking when we saw Mickey Mouse that one time?”

“That was on the Walk of Fame. Everyone is afraid of those guys because they’re all a bunch of coke addicts!”

“Coke… addicts?” El asks and everyone pauses, Jonathan letting out another snort.

“Like Coke and Pepsi?” El asks, and everyone immediately agrees while Jonathan laughs a bit.

“Yeah! Coke and Pepsi!” Joyce agrees, while Hop turns and gives them a harsh look to stop this conversation.

Joyce asks what character El is most excited to see. Joyce says that she herself hopes that they have Winnie the Pooh bc he’s her absolute favorite.

“I like Alice.” she says with a smile. It had kind of scared El when she first saw it, but she thought the colors were cool and Alice is just as curious as El is.

“I hope they have Peter Pan.” Max says a little dreamily.

“You just like him because he’s a ginger like you.” Billy snarks, to which Max sends him a harsh look.

“You like him too! We used to watch that movie all the time when we were little.”

And she’s right, they did. It makes him smile. Maybe there’s some psychological reason- the idea of a cute boy coming by to take him away from his terrible life and whisk him away to a magical world is pretty fucking nice -but he’s not about to overanalyze himself. And if anyone were to ask what he’s most excited for, he definitely wouldn’t admit that it’s Peter Pan.

“I like Peter Pan too.” Will admits, to which Max turns to look at him.

“Isn’t he cute?”

Will nods with a slight blush.

“Who’s Peter Pan?”

Max is distraught at El’s question.

“You haven’t seen Peter Pan???” She turns to Jonathan. “What are you guys doing depriving her of Peter Pan?”

“She’s with you more often than us!” Billy is indignant. “What have you been doing, not showing her Peter Pan?”

Max sticks her tongue out. Jonathan says he’s looking forward to Tomorrow Land and all of the parade floats. When Billy is asked, he mumbles something about wanting to ride all the big rides like Space Mountain and Thunder Mountain.

“What about you, Dad?” El asks happily.

“I’m just excited for the food.” Hopper grunts.

So yes, lots of bickering with the occasional break to listen to whatever song is playing. And you fuckin bet they bicker over where to stop to eat, too, until Hop decides for them all.

And i was trying to look up different, more obscure theme parks or attractions for them to go to but I just… couldn’t get over the idea of all of them getting matching Mickey Mouse ears. bc just… think about it. Think about a picture of all of them gathered in front of the castle wearing their Mickey Mouse hats, Hop and Joyce w/ an arm around the other, Joyce leaning up against Hop, El and Will smiling the biggest and cheesiest smiles with El’s arm around Will’s shoulder, Jonathan giving a little shy smile bc he feels pretty dumb, Max getting the biggest kick out of Billy freaking out over ruining his hair but giving him an expectant look until he puts the hat on, Billy yanking a strand of her hair out right before the photo is taken and Max shrieking so they have to take another one and when they do Billy rests his arm on Max’s head and max is stepping on Billy’s foot but they chuckle about it afterwards, giving irritated looks that break into smiles.

And i just?????? Jonathan buys Nancy a little bracelet with a Minnie Mouse charm on it and a stuffed version of Piglet from Winnie the Pooh and Billy gets Steve a little stuffed Bambi and a shirt that says “Princess” in big letters and gets himself a matching one that says “Prince Charming”. Steve pretends to be less than impressed but he blushes when Billy mumbles something about how he couldn’t stop looking at the castle and thinking of his princess back home and i just??? I have so many ideas about this Hopper Family Vacation to Disney World AUGH i love this.

(and if you want their Road Trip Playlist just ask me bc i just?? imagine their little van driving back up to Indiana on a calm road through a little patch of tall trees while Harvest Moon plays and its golden hour and Jim is driving and Joyce has her head leaning back against the seat, humming along and the sun is making it look like she’s glowing and Jim is a little worried about swerving bc he just wants to look at her. And Billy is leaning back in his seat all the way in the back, arm out the open window next to him as he waves it around in the soft air. Will and Jonathan are asleep on each other next to him and Max turns around from where she’s sitting in front of Billy to ask him something and sees her brother looking so damn calm. Just so serene and happy, a content smile on his face and golden sun hitting his blond hair gracefully as he blinks slowly. And she can’t think of what she was going to say bc it feels surreal to have this kind of moment w/ a family that feels so oddly whole. And Billy notices her staring and turns to her and she just sticks her tongue out and makes a funny face. Billy swipes gently at the air in front of her a few times w/ his left hand, chuckling a bit. She tries to kick him but she can’t reach and he just huffs a big, sharp breath in her face and she reaches to smack him as they both start giggling. then a soft click comes from their left and they see El has taken a picture of them on her little disposable camera she got on the way there and Max turns back around to talk to El and ask about how many pictures she thinks she’s taken and Billy turns back to look out the window, watching farms pass by in a haze, colored by the soft orange light of the sun, as he hugs the little Bambi plushie he bought for Steve and thinks about how comfortable happiness feels.)

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midnightcalibration · 4 years

Text

Merry Bobunk Christmas!

What: Short Fanfiction

Fandom: Avengers

Characters: Read the tags for the list.

Why: ‘Cos me and a friend of mine came up with the idea of giving a Christmas role to each avenger, and I decided to write this.

Words: Almost 1800 according to my text editor.

Quality: Probably with a lot of typos and awful grammar.

Stupidity level: High (I hope).

---------------------------------------

Tony is coming back to his workshop to continue one of his most important projects of the year. He hadn't slept since whenever the last time was, but who needs sleep when you've got coffee? He pities those who can't drink the miraculous brew.

As he enters the room the first thing he notices is DUM-E fighting against the cables of some Christmas lights. The lights are winning... Oh! Now U is trying to help his brother, that's nice. Aaaand now he's stuck too. Tony can't believe he won a prize for one of those things.

"Dum-E, U, stop destroying my delicate work, if you please."

Sparks jump out of the lights.

"You know those lights are supposed to last, not turn into fireworks. Sto- Ah- great! The workshop is on fire. Congratulations! Now it would be a good time to use your skills with the fire extinguisher, Dum-E," Tony says as he grabs said object himself, "Though I'm not sure you would still point it at me, instead of the fire..."

After putting the fire out and helping his not so intelligent bots, he gets back to work. He is just a little bit tired, but he has to finish it in time.

Last years had been chaotic. He never had time to properly put on a good Christmas decoration show for everybody. It's not like he is a traditionalist, or even believes in Christmas. For him, it is a time where people start to compete to see who has the best circus in town. And he, as the Stark he is, cannot just let it pass. He is the greatest showman there is. Sorry, Hugh Jackman, not sorry.

Has he hears the "bing" of the elevator sound he looks in its direction and sees the best two presents he is lucky to have in his life. Pepper is holding Morgan's hand while the little pea giggles as she skips and pulls her mother with her. Only when they got closer he notices something is odd. They are wearing costumes.

"What do we have here?" Tony asks. "An elf munchkin coming straight from Santa's workshop? And she's bringing with her a..." what is Pep supposed to be? "Gingerbread woman? Seriously?" He snorts. "Is it because of your hair?"

"Well, this Santa's little helper here thought you might need a sweet cookie to help you work," Pepper replies.

"Ok," he snorts again, "that sounds like something you would never say."

"Well, I didn't say it, Miss M. did."

Another "bing" echoes in the air and Peter comes out rushing and talking non-stop, "Oh, So sorry I am late Mr. Stark, I had to help like half of the people I saw when coming here as well as save like seven cats from trees and woah I even found a goat on one, Did you know goats climb trees? It's amazing, I mean I knew that already but I never thought I would see one in New York, And-"

"Calm down, Speedy Gonzalez! Have you ever heard about punctuation? And, I don't know, breathing?" Tony sasses before noticing Peter is also wearing an elf costume. "Did you go around saving old ladies from crosswalks in that?"

"Oh this?" Peter looks at himself, "I wasn't sure what to dress as but then Morgan told me she needed an elf brother and I was happy to be hers!"

Okay. That makes sense, Tony guesses.

"Has the party already started?"

Tony jerks his head and sees Rhodey, in a ridiculous candy cane suit. Like, seriously, what is going on? Why is platypus wearing that colorful, er-, thing, where only his face is visible?

"What's up, honey bear? Did you get abducted by aliens, where they did all these terrible things to you, and now you have a nineteen year old college student clown soul trapped in your body? Come on, Rho-rho, you can do it! You can win the fight for the right of control. Now really, what party?"

"Ha-ha. Very funny, Tones," Rhodey says with a fake laugh. "I hope you haven't forgot that today is Bobunk day."

The fu-?

"Bobunk is my favorite!" Morgan almost squeals. "It's what makes Christmas magical."

"It sure is, honey," Pepper agrees and Peter nods. OK, maybe he drank too much coffee. Or not enough!

He turns to his desk to get his mug so he can wash down the brown liquid. It is then he notices two big present boxes near the wall, that were not there before.

"Who the hell put that there?"

"Boss, you should mind your language! Morgan has ears." FRIDAY spoke.

"Sorry honey bee," Tony says trying to ignore that the sentence "has ears" was a bit odd, in the context. Like, it is true, but perhaps not the best way to put it. Maybe he needs to check FRIDAYS NL program, and see if she's not trying to learn her vocabulary from websites where people forget the difference between "they're", "their" and "there". Anyway, the presents! What are they doing there?

As he approaches the packages, they "explode" with a loud pop revealing Nat and Clint smiling from ear to ear, with present bows in their heads, dressed in wrapping paper, and shouting "SURPRISE! MERRY BOBUNK CHRISTMAS!!!"

Okay, now he is sure they are trying to troll him. He gets it, he deserves it for all the times he did the same. It was never at this level of crazy, though. He would keep it to wit and sarcasm.

*knock, knock, knock*

The sound came from the balcony glass doors. It is dark outside and Tony can't see anyone. And who would enter through the balcony? Except for him, of course? He purposefully ignored it.

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*

He looks again. Nothing. He resists the urge to ignore it again, but then whoever is outside is probably freezing. And they are just pranking him in a weird way, they don't deserve to turn into ice cubes, right?

When he opens the door, he sees a snowman. Dressed. As. Captain. America.

"Ahah, joke is on you! This is more of a jab to Capsicle, not me."

"What are you talking about, Tony?" The voice sounds so much like Steve's. Where the- "Holy shit!"

"Language!"

The effing snowman is speaking. IT. IS. SPEAKING! Like, it is not Rogers dressed as a snowman. It is a effing snowman, like a real one.

"How are you doing it?" Tony is still perplexed. And not even sure he can believe Olaf here actually had enough humor in him to be passing as a snowman.

"Doing what, Tony?" the freaking snowman actually frowned.

"Make it so realistic?"

"Tony, do you always need to be so rude?"

"Wha-" *CLASH*

Tony rushes inside to see what has been broken. He hopes it wasn't anything related with his Christmas project.

He stops. Thor is there, blinking. Not with his eyes, no. He is lighting on and off in several spots. You know.... like Christmas lights!!! And he is fighting is bots!

"I challengeth thee to fight me with honor, arms of metall. Thee shalt learn the warth of the mightie lightning!"

"Pepper! Pepper Ann!" Tony calls.

"What is it, Tony?"

"What is happening? Please tell me you are seeing how weird this is. I'm not going crazy, right? I don't do crazy."

"What are you talking about?" she smiles, "You are always crazy. Come! Let's see the nativity scene."

"We don't have a nativity scene, Pepsy Pep."

Pepper chuckles as she points to two new figures. Yep! He gives up. Yep, yep. For the good of his sanity, he's going to pretend everything is normal.

Wanda is dressed as Virgin Mary, and is hugging(?) Vision who seems to be wrapped in a big blanket, and very naked under it.

"Hey there, Mary, baby Jesus." Tony acknowledges. "Where is Joseph?"

Vision replied with baby cries. Totally normal.

"I'm a single mother."

"Oh yes, of course you are. Sorry for the assumption."

"I am Groot!"

"You're right, you a-" Did the tree just talked?

"Meow!" T'Challa says, his cat tail wagging as he "paws" at panicking Bucky and Scott, who are hanging from the tree - which has grown, just a note - like Christmas tree decorations. From above, Sam and Hope are laughing. They have wings so they can fly away from the sharp claws of the King of Wakanda.

Of course this is normal. He just probably traveled to an alternate universe. He just needs to know how to go back to his sane plane of reality.

The tree is gigantic, now. It's breaking the glass doors and cracking the walls. It is threatening to destroy the whole tower. This can't be. No matter how everyone is ignoring what is happening, this is dangerous and he can't let anyone get hurt. Specially Pepper and Morgan.

He makes a gesture to call his suit, and flies outside to assess the damage. Curiously enough, nothing seems to be in danger.

"Boss!"

"Yes FRIDAY?"

"We have an UFO incoming, and fast."

"Say what now?"

He looks and sees something is coming his way. His GUI zooms on the object.

"This is normal, this is normal, this is normal."

"SANTA SMAAAAAASH!" Green Hulk Santa yells, as he flies through Tony in a sled pushed by a black reindeer with a helmet that looked the exact same as Loki's.

They smash into the tower, because why wouldn't they, right? The 'K' of the STARK lettering of the tower falls.

Then he sees it! It all makes sense, now! This is Bobunk Christmas in its perfection! This is his destiny.

Letting himself accept the Christmas spirit burning inside him, he flies to the top of the tower, that now was more tree than anything else, opens his arms and legs and turns on the repulsors, casting a magnificent light, turning into a blinding shining star.

He feels magnificent!

Everyone on the street below start to cheer and applauding the exhibition. He did it! He got the best Christmas decoration of the world!

"Stark!" Everyone shouts.

"Stark!"

"Please! This is not about me," he says.

"STARK, WAKE UP!"

Tony jerks as he wakes up.

Fury is towering over him with a disapproving frown. Everything is back to normal, since it had all been a dream.

"Stark, why are you looking at me like that?" Fury asks, with actual confusion painted in his face.

"I makes total sense!"

"What does?"

"You!"

"Me?"

"You are my Bobunk Christmas Grinch!"

THE END!

3 notes · View notes

roserozu22 · 5 years

Text

Chapter 8: Yurio's debut! Second Event: Skate Canada Part 1

Author's note: I'm sorry for the long wait. I've been busy writing other works and I'm trying to develop a schedule, including the extremely annoying writer's block. Please note, I live in the U.K. and since article 13 and 11 had the YES vote from the EU parliament, I'm not sure if I can post the next chapter(s) of all my current works. If I can't thank you all for supporting me and I hope that one day, we'll meet again. A massive thanks to my beta I Will Achieve Vikturi! Also, I've got a new Tumblr account you can find me here: roserozu 22. (just remove the spaces.)

Disclaimer: See the prologue.

Warning: Yurio's swearing towards JJ. Implied smut (I cannot write smut to save my life and I've tried in the past but failed to do so)

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

A few days after Yuri's pregnancy was revealed it was time for Yurio to pack his suitcase and get ready for his first skating event in Canada.

"Are you okay?" Yuri asked Yurio, while helping the young teenager to pack his suitcase.

"I'm really excited," Yurio replied. "Are you coming too?"

"Of course. I need to show support to my Chīsana tora."

Yurio smiled happily and his eyes swiftly went to Yuri's stomach, where his little sister or brother is growing. "Can you feel the baby kick yet?"

"It's still little, but in a few months' time I may be able to feel it kicking, and when I do you can feel it too."

Unknown to the two, Yuri's Victor was outside eavesdropping on them.

'Yurio, you will be a great big brother!' Victor thought happily. Victor then decided it was time to enter the room.

"My two favourite Yuris are in the same room. My heart can't take it!"A very dramatic Victor exclaimed.

"Old man." Yurio growled at Victor.

"Easy Yurio," Yuri warned the Russian Tiger. "Victor, was there a reason why you came here?"

"Not really," Victor replied, "I just wanted to say hello."

Both Yuris rolled their eyes at Victor's antics and the small family then continued packing.

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

Later that evening, a family of three was eating a bowl of Solyanka with slices of Darnitsky bread. The family were eating dinner in a comfortable silence until Victor opened his mouth."Do you have an outfit?"

"No," Yurio replied. "I couldn't find an outfit that suited me."

"I may have kept some of my old skating competition costumes from my junior days; there might be something that you like, Yurio."

After Yuri, Victor, and Yurio finished eating, all three then descended into Victor and Yuri's room. Victor swiftly went into their wardrobe and took out a box that said 'Victor's Junior Figure Skating days.'

Victor rapidly opened the box and placed many different costumes on the bed for Yurio to choose from.

"I forgot how many competitions you had entered, Victor." Yuri said, as he helped Yurio to try on the clothes.

After many failed likes from Yurio, there was one that caught his eye, however. "This is the one that I like."

Victor nodded. "Go on, try it on."

Yurio rapidly put on the costume and he couldn't help but admire how it looked on him. The top of the costume is all white, but with a black cross and a black circle around the waist. On the shoulder blades some fake feathers happen to look like wings, sprouting. The trousers of the costume are also white, but with a black swirl coming from the top of the costume.

"It looks lovely on you." Yuri praised. "It does suit your short skate, but have you thought of a costume for your free skate?"

"Thank you, and I haven't but Lilia is sorting out the free skate costume for me." Yurio smiled. "Hey old man, what are you going to wear?"

"I have the perfect costume in mind." Victor said as he went through another box but this time says 'Victor and Yuri's wedding.' Victor then took out a photo of his and Yuri's wedding and pointed to his tux, which was a black three Piece Suit with a white shirt and a handkerchief in one of the pockets and black formal trousers. "The costume is based on our wedding day." Victor explained.

"I thought the song meant sexual passion and desire?" Yurio asked in confusion.

"It does, but it was after the wedding the song came to play." Victor explained while ignoring Yuri's blushing face at the implication of the honeymoon.

"What about the free skate?" Yurio asked.

"Yeah, I haven't seen you practice your routine yet."

"It'll be a surprise, my sweet, beautiful Yuri."

"Well, I can't wait to see it!"

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

Three weeks later, it was time for Victor, Yuri, Yurio, and Yakov to fly over to Canada for the Grand Prix Final first qualifying round.

"Yurio, did you bring anything with you to play with?" Yuri asked. "Especially it's an eight hour and forty-five minute flight."

"Yep!" Yurio replied. "I got my Nintendo Switch and my phone so I can watch my downloaded movies and T.V. shows and listen to my music. What did you bring with you?"

"I'll be asleep on the plane, due to my anxiety medication…" Yuri was about to finish his reply but was interrupted by Victor.

"... And you are still suffering from morning sickness."

"Victor!" Yuri hissed.

"WHAT?!" Yakov shouted loudly. "VICTOR, YOU SHOULDN'T LET THE KRASIVAYA LILIYA ROSSII TO COME WITH US!"

"Yakov, please calm down." Yuri pleaded. "I wanted to come with you all. Please don't be mad."

Yuri seeing that Yakov hasn't calmed down, Yuri gently touched Yakov's arm and gave him a small smile that said 'It's okay, you and the others will look after me.' Yakov sees the trust in Yuri's eyes, and he calms down instantly.

"The flight to Kelowna International Airport is ready to board. All baggage that is unattended will be destroyed."

"This is us. Let us go." Yakov commanded.

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

Two hours into the flight, Yuri and Yakov both fell asleep while Yuri was unconsciously cradling his stomach where his baby is developing at the same time Victor was watching something on his phone and Yurio was playing on his Nintendo Switch. Until a very pretty flight attendants started to come round with food and drinks.

"Yuri." Victor whispered, as he gently tried to wake him up.

"W...What is it?" Yuri mumbled sleepily.

Victor smiled at Yuri's sleepy cuteness. "Yuri, the flight's attendant is coming around with snacks and drinks."

Hearing that explanation Yuri tried but failed to wake up properly to order his food and drink so Victor took the lead.

"May I have a plain ham sandwich with a packet of crisps. My husband, who has yet to fully wake up, will have the same but without the crisps." Victor ordered knowing that Yuri would only nibble on his food when half-asleep.

"Of course sir, what would you like to drink?" the female flight attendant asked.

"I will have a bottle of Pepsi Max, and for my husband, he will have Honey and Lemon Green Tea if you have that flavour. If not, then he'll have fruit tea."

The flight attendant then gave Victor their orders and swiftly left to take other people's orders.

A few minutes later, though it felt like hours, Yuri finished his snack and drink and promptly went back to sleep.

"Oh, moya lyubov." Victor said softly as gently stroked Yuri's hair, not noticing that Yurio is watching them protectively.

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

After a long flight Victor, Yuri, Yurio, and Yakov arrived at Kelowna International Airport. However, Victor is seen holding Yuri up by his waist as Yuri is still feeling tired.

"Let's get our bags and get the bus to the Grand Okanagan Resort."Yakov commanded, albeit with gentleness in his eyes.

Yurio and Victor nodded in understanding.

"How long is the drive to the hotel?" Yuri asked, while yawning.

"Roughly, fifteen to seventeen minutes." Victor replied. "Yuri, you can rest once we get to the hotel."

Thirty minutes after going through security and getting their bags it was time for them to go to the hotel via a taxi that was arranged by the ISU (The International Skating Union).

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

Fifteen to seventeen minutes later they arrived at their destination. The outside of the hotel has a majestic feel to it. As before you enter the hotel, you can see a wooden pathway that takes you all the way through the hotel grounds. On the grounds themselves you have an outdoor pool, and you can see the Okanagan Lake and you can walk to the pier.

"Wow!" Yurio said like he was in a daze as they were walking towards the reception area. If the outside looks majestic, so does the reception area. As behind the reception desk, there's a wall made out of wood, and as for the reception desks they looked like they are made out of marble stone.

"Welcome to Marriott Grand Okanagan Resort." The male receptionist greeted them after entering the reception. "May I see your passports?"

The skaters, the coach and Ballerino showed their passports to the male receptionist. "Okay, Mr. and Mr. Nikiforov, you two will be staying in a deluxe suite with a lovely lake view." The receptionist explained while giving Yuri the suite key. "As for you Mr. Plisetsky and Mr. Yakov, you two will be staying in a two queen guest bedroom with a lake view" The male receptionist said as he gave Yakov the key to the room. "I will get the porter to show you the rooms." As quickly as the male receptionist left to get the porter, the receptionist swiftly came back.

Porter then took the suitcases and entered the lift, while waiting patiently for the others to get in. "Okay, the first stop is Mr. Plisetsky and Mr. Yakov's room on the 2nd floor." the porter explained as he pressed a button on the right side of the lift.

A few short seconds later a voice was called to be heard from the lift speakers. "2nd floor. 2ème étage." The porter then lifted Yurio and Yakov's bags and left the lift, which then caused Yuri, Victor, Yakov and Yurio to leave the lift as well. The porter went down the hallway and stopped by the door that says '208'. Yakov then used the keycard to enter the room. The room itself is approximately 300sqft/27sqm. While the layout of the room is the two queens are next to each other but with a small gap between them as there is a bedside table with an alarm clock and a telephone, while one of the beds is next to a balcony that shows the beautiful view of the lake. 32in T.V. with an LCD screen on the wall in front of the beds 32in T.V. with an LCD screen.

Below the T.V., there is a desk table with a chair, and on top of that desk is an iPod dock and radio and all around the room there are plugs that allow you to charge phones, portable gaming systems and so on.

"The room has been built in air-conditioning, if you so wish the windows may be opened but not for smoking." the porter explained. "The room also offers 24-hour room service, complimentary bottled water, if you so wish, you can make your own tea and coffee with our coffee maker / tea service and there is a mini-refrigerator."

"Does the room have free wifi?" Yurio asked.

"Yes." the porter replied. "As for the T.V., the functions allow you to watch local cable/satellite and international cable/satellite also including CNN."

The porter quickly saw that Yurio had made himself at home by plugging his phone and Nintendo Switch. "I shall leave you two be." the porter said suddenly. The porter then looked at Yuri and Victor and motioned them to leave the room.

"Yurio, we'll see you later for dinner." Yuri said, as he and Victor were leaving. Yurio just nodded as he was busy charging his electronics.

After a few minutes on the lift, Yuri and Victor then arrived at the Deluxe floor. The porter then took them to a door that says 'D502'. Yuri then placed the keycard in the slot in front of the door, and entered the room. As they entered the room, Yuri's jaw dropped to the floor as he was surprised by how big the room is. However, Victor wasn't affected by the size of the room. The size of the room is approximately 310sqft/28sqm-400sqft/36sq. On one side of the room, there is a king-size bed that is separated from the rest of the room by a small wall. Opposite this wall is a living area that consisted of a sofa (that turns into a bed). On the wall opposite there is a 42in T.V with an LCD screen that has the same features as the TV in Yurio's and Yakov's room as well as the service and view of the lake from the balcony.

"The difference in this Deluxe room than the other rooms is, in the bathroom there are three whirlpool baths. There is one that can fit two people while there is a whirlpool master bath. I shall leave you two be." The porter then left the room.

"Victor!" Yuri shouted. "When you go extra, YOU go extra!"

"My beautiful Yuri, I want you to be comfortable after such a long journey. And besides, we have privacy."

"...But we have privacy in the other rooms." Yuri argued weakly.

Victor just smiled at Yuri and gently put his arms around him and gave him a kiss on top of his head, which then caused Yuri to turn around and face Victor.

"Moya Lyubov', Ya tebya ochen' lyublyu." Victor said in Russian.

This caused Yuri to smile gently and Victor then slowly escorted them to the bathroom to try out the master whirlpool bath.

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

Later that evening around 7pm, everyone was wearing their casual but best clothing and was seen walking to the closest restaurant and bar called 'OAK + CRU' that Victor found on his Iphone 7.

As all four entered the establishment, one of the waiters greeted them at the door.

"I made a reservation under the name Nikiforov."

The waiter promptly looked at the computer and looked for the name Nikiforov. The waiter then proceeded to confirm a few things with Victor.

"Did you reserve a private patio table?"

"Yes." Victor replied. "Is there a problem?"

"No." The waiter replied.

After those words were spoken the waiter escorted the four to a family table. As Yuri and the others were sitting down the same waiter started to explain about the private patio, "Now normally we don't serve underage people on private patios, and you can only order from," The waiter then gave Yurio and the others a menu. "From this menu."

"Can we have the usual menu?" Yuri asked politely.

The waiter briefly gave Yuri a look of confusion but swiftly replaced the confusion from his face with a look of being a professional waiter and then the waiter left.

"Why did you ask for the usual menu?" Yakov asked.

"Yuri." Victor said. "You're not feeling well are you?"

"I'm fine." Yuri reassured Victor and the others. "It was that the menu had too much food for four people and…"

"You're still trying to eat normally but having large amounts of food in one sitting could make you relapse." Yakov finished off.

Yuri was about to say something else, but the waiter arrived with the usual dinner and drinks menu. he then left for others to decide what they want to eat and drink.

"What are you having to drink Yuri?" Victor asked.

"I may just have a glass of lime water… I don't fancy any drinks from the drink menu." Yuri replied although shakily.

"Do you want us both to share the food?" Victor asked as he noticed how shaky Yuri was.

Yuri just nodded in reply. This caused Victor to smile sadly, but you can see the love shining in his eyes.

"Okay, we'll share." Victor smiled to Yuri and then looked at Yurio and Yakov and asked them, "What about you two?"

"I'm going to have coca-cola with ice." Yurio replied.

"While I'm having Noble Ridge, Meritage from the tap." Yakov replied.

The waiter then arrived at their table with a notepad and pen ready.

"My husband and I would like to have a jug of lime water, and as for food can we share a Margherita Pizza with a side portion of chips?"

The waiter wrote down Victor's and Yuri's order on his notepad and quickly looked to Yakov and Yurio.

"I would like a glass of coca-cola with ice and I'd like to try the O+C Burger, and I won't have the pudding" Yurio told the waiter.

The waiter also wrote down Yurio's food and drink choice. As for Yakov he ordered the Noble Ridge, Meritage from the tap and for food he ordered Seasonal Soup as a starter and main course Steelhead Salmon and no pudding.

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

A few hours later, all four went back to their rooms, with their stomachs full of food and Victor's wallet feeling lighter as all of them went to bed, ready for Yurio's Skate Canada Event, which was happening in two days.

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

Russian Translation:

KRASIVAYA LILIYA ROSSI-BEAUTIFUL LILY OF RUSSIA

Moya Lyubov' - My Love

Ya tebya ochen' lyubov - I love you

French Translation:

2ème étage: 2nd floor

ᒄ₍⁽ˆ⁰ˆ⁾₎ᒃ

Darnitsky - recipe, method and link: www . yuliyas blog /blog /2012 /11 /08 / borodinsky -bread- dark -russian -rye-breadmaker -recipe / (just remove the spaces)

Ingredients

1 1/4 cup warm water

1 3/4 cup rye flour

1 3/4 cup whole wheat flour

2 tbsp malt (or beer kit mixture)

1 tbsp molasses

2 tbsp white vinegar

1 tsp salt

1/2 tbsp coriander seeds

1/2 tbsp caraway seeds

2 tsp active dry yeast

Steps

1. Place all ingredients into the breadmaker pan in the order specified by the manufacturer.

2. Choose a "basic bread" cycle or something similar. When the program finishes, shake the bread out of the pan and let cool on a wire rack.

#yuri on ice #victuuri #fanfiction.net #a03 fanfic #FT Russian Recipie #Author has autism #intersex Yuri Katsuki #alternate universe #happy reading

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fbis-most-unwanted · 7 years

Text

Things that have happened at the grocery store where I work

a man who would pick up a loaf of bread, inspect it, then throw it onto the ground, adding to the pile of bread on the floor

a man who comes in every Sunday dressed like a pirate

it was warm on Christmas eve, so I wasn’t wearing a jacket. A woman came up to me and said, “merry Christmas, put a coat on!”

a car I see in the parking lot all the time with a bumper sticker that says, “music too loud? 1-800-eat shit” and right below that one, “Ron Paul 2012”

a go cart designed to look like a casket

a cashier went over the intercom and, to the whole store, said, “frito lay-o-lay-o-lay”

at about 7:30 one morning, a manager walked by and said, “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” and then walked away. I didn’t see him again for the rest of my shift

also really early, a cashier was talking to me and a couple other people, the phone at his station rang, he dramatically screeched and sprinted across the store to answer it

the same guy later explained in dissertation-level detail why crystal Pepsi is a good business decision

a woman so high she went up to my coworker, pushing her cart with her items, and said, “excuse me, where are my groceries?”

a man in the parking lot who brought his own gardening shovel and would scoop dirt out from near the trees and throw it in the trash can

a teenager wearing a shirt patterned with stripes made of machine guns

a man wearing a shirt with guns on the sleeves and in cheerful rainbow font read “this is my killing shirt”

several people with guns casually tucked into the waistband of their jeans

a pair of used underwear in a shopping cart left in the darkest part of the parking lot

two shopping carts that have made their way into our collection that are not from our store

an old man buying about six birthday cards who said, “excuse me, I need to put these in the file cabinet” then unbuttoned his shirt, put the cards in, buttoned it back up and said, “okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes” and walked back into the store. I did not see him again

I was outside taking in shopping carts at about 7:30 at night. This guy walks out of the store (he has bought nothing) carrying a basketball and a small tree branch. He says, “do you want to see something cool?” I said sure, and he put the branch in his mouth, started spinning the basketball on his finger then put it on top of the branch and walked away. Almost exactly 2 hours later, I saw him walk out of the store again, minus the branch and still having purchased nothing

This was the Saturday before the election. A man came through my line wearing a make america great again hat and a shirt with the presidential seal with Trump’s face photoshopped over it. I asked him what kind of bags he wanted. He said nothing. I assumed he didn’t hear me, so I asked again. He would not speak to me, but firmly pointed at the plastic bags. He needed help outside, so I said, “I’ll follow you to your car.” He made me walk in front of him so I had no idea where I was going. We got outside, and he spoke his first words to me: “Can you run inside and get me two plastic bags?” I did. When I got back to his car, a woman, seeing the bat signal of two Trump bumper stickers, had struck up a conversation. She asked me, “Are you 21?” I told her I wasn’t, and she said, “Oh, I guess you won’t be able to vote then.” She then went on to tell me, “I told my kids that I’m not going to feed them if they don’t vote for Trump.”

A woman was paying for her stuff with 3 gift cards that were so old the computer couldn’t read them. A manager had to come fix it. The woman said, “This happened last time too. I bought these out of a van.”

The store started playing Christmas music the Sunday before Thanksgiving and did not stop until January. I think I heard two versions of every Christmas song created by human beings, including one version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer that, instead of “you’ll go down in history,” said, “play your saxophone for me”.

Right after we got software to read chip credit cards, a cashier was explaining this to a customer by saying, “This way is slower. I don’t know why we switched over. They’ve already hacked it, and pretty soon all our jobs are going to be done by robots anyway. Then the only jobs will be for people to program the robots and it won’t matter because we won’t have jobs and won’t be able to consume, so there won’t be a reason for any of us to be alive anymore.”

a strange man in a suspiciously stained apron pacing around in the back of the parking lot at 10p.m.

There are people who sit in their parked cars staring out of open windows in the parking lot at night for absolutely no reason

a man who said, “do they think this music makes people buy things? Because it doesn’t and it seriously needs to stop.” when asked how he was doing

late one night this guy came through my lane and said, “did you guys see the van?” “what van?” “the van. in the Sprint” when I got off I saw that someone had, indeed, driven a van through the front of the Sprint store at the other side of the parking lot.

at 9:45 one Friday these two girls came in and pointed at a picture in the ad of a bottle of chocolate milk and said, “they’re just like this but 32 ounces and I need 6 of them. They’re on sale for a dollar apiece. I know because my mom was here earlier and bought 10 of them.” That’s 320 ounces of chocolate milk sitting at home and she wants 192 more ounces. I go check, and as I predicted, we don’t even sell them

This old woman was talking to me and said, “I know a Kayla (my name)...She’s a little older than you. She’s with the spiders at the zoo now.”

a woman buying a metric fuckton of gingerbread and pine tree air fresheners on October 26

a man buying tortillas, shredded cheese, and 25 cans of whipped cream

the day I found out the hard way that when lettuce goes bad it turns to liquid

these teenagers who were high out of their minds and walking in slow motion

an old, old man who came in at about 7:30 one morning. the cashier was trying to make conversation and asked him how he was doing. he was not having a 5-star experience and thus began, “I hate shopping this early. I don’t know why I came here, etc. Then when I was leaving my wife asked me to pick up a birthday card. I don’t even know who this card is for, but you know how it is, we can’t say no.” He then turned to me (a female) and the female cashier and says, out loud, “You women are such shrews.”

the enigma that is Serial Killer Jeff

he was a cashier for a few months

he was really tall, had deep-set eyes and bags under them no matter what time of day it was, walked with his head hunched over, had a very quiet monotone voice, always walked with his hands behind his back as if he was at all times ready to be handcuffed, like he knew someone was coming for him

was going to school to be a truck driver

claimed to have once spent 36 hours in the same bar and that he smokes pot with his mom

one time was holding one of those of those grocery dividers and said, “boy, it would hurt to get cracked with one of these.”

we lock one set of doors at 9 (there is a giant sign that says this too). this couple comes in at about 10 to use the machine that counts change and asked, “I know those doors are locked, but can we still get to the change machine?” We said no, but they still went over and tried to open the doors. Jeff leans over and says, cryptically, “You know, this is just like the sign that says ‘Don’t feed the bears’ we all know not to feed the bears, but we have the sign for those high functioning idiots who do it anyway.”

on the 4th of July the pharmacy closed early. when this guy realized it, he yelled “FUCK” at the top of his lungs and then went down the list of every other curse word he knew while running out of the store and throwing open the automatic doors because they were not fast enough for him

I got called down to the customer service counter and the manager handed me a container of mac ‘n cheese and asked me to check the price because there was a man who thought they were on sale for 2/$5 but it rings up as 2/$7. She said, “He’s over there now. You can’t miss him, he’s very tall.” I go back there and discover two things: 1.there is no tall man in sight. 2. the mac ‘n cheese in question is clearly marked as 2/$7. I go back to tell the manager and lo and behold this giant is looming over the counter. I told him the price, and he insisted I was wrong, saying “Just show me the ones that are 2 for $5″ while walking backward away from the counter

we have different bags depending on the time of year. For Halloween, they are orange and say “happy Halloween”. I was told the story of the guy that apparently refuses to have the bags because he thinks Halloween is satanic and doesn’t believe in dressing up in costumes

there is a woman who always insists on bagging her own groceries so she can put one item in each bag and then double or triple bag it. She and her friend come in to the store to walk laps sometimes

on my first day I was getting a tour of the store and we were in the back where one of the maintenance guys said, “Are you new?” I said yes and he looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Run.” I should have listened

on Christmas Eve the manager made me stand outside and tell people we were closed. he then locked the doors, with me still outside

one of the training videos was literally just an infomercial for a boxcutter

It was about to storm one night and I had to go outside to bring carts in. a manager came up to me and said, “If you see lightning, come inside. No one can get hurt if I’m still on the clock.”

one cashier whose personal manga ended up in the backstock cart

this old lady was arguing about the price of a soda and her maybe 8 year old grandson interrupted, “grandma, do you know how long we’ve been here? two hours!” he was right

an old man who approached me 45 minutes into my 8 and a half hour shift and said, “here, for your hard work” and handed me a bag of peanuts

I was outside taking in carts with one of the other baggers. I was going to grab one of the smaller carts that was at the end of the cart corral surrounded by bigger carts. He said, “do you want that one?” I said yeah, and he just picked it up, lifted it over the cart corral, and handed it to me.

one time I was outside getting carts. It smelled like fire, but I couldn’t see smoke anywhere. Periodically, thick black ashes rained down from the sky like some lovecraftian nightmare.

Whenever this one bagger wants the store to get new florescent vests we have to wear when we’re outside, he cuts the straps off of all the ones we have

one bagger (who once made me sort every paper bag in the store to make sure the Christmas ones were on top) stepped away from his register in the middle of a rush to announce to the other baggers, “I just wanted to let you guys know we can wear shorts now. I know they don’t tell anyone, but it’s April 15th, we’re allowed to wear shorts.”

a middle-aged woman who said to the man in front of her in line , “It’s so nice to see a man using the big boy carts!” (as opposed to the smaller carts that are made for when you’re only buying a few things)

a woman who called me over from across the parking lot to hand her a cart that was two feet away from her

#work #stories #work stories #grocery store

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atakportal · 6 years

Text

How Drew Gooden rebuilt his online identity after Vine died

New Post has been published on https://pin.atak.co/how-drew-gooden-rebuilt-his-online-identity-after-vine-died/

How Drew Gooden rebuilt his online identity after Vine died

This post is part of Me, online, Mashable’s ongoing series digging into online identities.

If you’ve ever found yourself mourning the downfall of Vine by binging compilations late at night — because really, who hasn’t? — you’ve probably seen Drew Gooden’s iconic “Road work ahead? I sure hope it does!”

That Vine inspired remixes, parodies, and fan merchandise. But the 24-year-old is ready to work on other projects.

youtube

Like many Vine stars, Gooden’s made the transition to YouTube as a vlogger. Three years after that immensely popular Vine, he’s navigating the world of reaction videos, figuring out his own brand, and trying to move past being known as the Road Work Ahead guy.

The following conversation with Gooden has been edited for length and clarity.

Mashable: You started off on Vine, and now you’re making a name for yourself on YouTube. What was the thought process you went through when YouTube started growing more and Vine kind of just died out?

Drew Gooden: For me, there wasn’t really crossover. A lot of people on Vine used their Vine platform to get big on YouTube. I waited until Vine died and didn’t go to YouTube, and then a few months went by and I was like, OK, I guess I’ll try it. So I had to start from scratch again on YouTube. By the time YouTube was starting to work out, Vine was so far in the rearview mirror. And YouTube has done a lot more than Vine — like I never made money from Vine. YouTube is now like a career. I forget exactly what your question was because I just ramble a lot.

No worries. What was your thought process as you transitioned to YouTube?

When I first started YouTube, I wasn’t doing what I’m doing now. I tried to do what I was doing on Vine: basically little sketches, where I play all the characters, but it would just be longer. I think they’re all pretty funny, but the way YouTube works, people really want to get to know you as a person. And so when I started to incorporate that, but into more sitting down and talking about something and sharing my opinion it felt like that’s when it really started to take off.

Do you think if Vine stuck around for longer, people would make a career out of it?

Not at the rate it was going. There was a peak of Vine where people were making a lot of money — I wasn’t one of those people but I know some of these people were doing these brand deals and these brands were throwing out so much money. There wasn’t a way to figure out if it converted, where YouTube, you get a brand deal and get a link. They click on the link. With Vine it was just like, “Drink Pepsi!” and they had no way to track.

How old were you when you made your infamous “road work ahead” Vine?

I think I was 21. And it was not nearly as big. But that’s one of those Vines that seems to be more popular now than it ever was then, because it’s in all the like, Vine compilations on YouTube. It’s funny, because … [at] VidCon, about one out of three people were like, “Oh, you’re the road work ahead guy!” And they’d want to film me saying the Vine for like, Snapchat or whatever. I was like, “I’ve done other stuff,” but you know.

So you think that got popular because of the Vine compilation videos and not when Vine was still a thing?

I think so. I think it’s also that when people are reminded of it when they see a sign, and maybe they say it to their friend, and then they’ve introduced them. It’s kind of branched out over the years. It was not popular when it came out, but now it’s like my catchphrase. I sell shirts with it on it, because gotta capitalize on it while it lasts.

me: road work ahead?? UHH yea, i sure hope it DOES

my driving instructor, clenching her fists: drew you took your driving test like 8 years ago please get out of my house https://t.co/nESlDxFehJ

— Drew Gooden (@drewisgooden) March 27, 2018

But now it’s three years later, you’ve tweeted about how you’re tired of it and called it a “curse” — can you talk a little about that?

Yeah it was funny. Like, I go back and forth. I compare it to a band that has one really big song, and even though they make a bunch of different songs, they have to close every show for the next ten years with that song. Because that’s what people want! So you have to embrace it, but there’s a part of me that’s like, “Please don’t make me say it again.”

I’d like to separate myself from it, but I have to embrace it, you know? And if that’s how people discover me and if they like my new stuff, then that’s great.

And you sell merch for it, so you’re making money off it.

Right.

It’s hard though — you’re a meme. You become a meme, and people want you to be that.

How have you tried moving past that one Vine, either in your personal life or in your path as a YouTuber?

I guess moving past it is just about doing other things. Doing as many other things as possible. I think there are other Viners who have one thing and then they try to milk it forever, and that’s fine, but they never end up doing anything else. It’s hard though — you’re a meme. You become a meme, and people want you to be that.

Did you ever see that Vine, and he’s like “It is Wednesday, my dudes” and he screams?

Yeah!

I saw him at VidCon and he was wearing the costume from that. He does other things now, he does YouTube and Twitch. But people aren’t gonna recognize him now unless he’s wearing that costume.

youtube

Right. And you’re getting more into vlogging — how has that played into you moving on from Road Work Ahead Guy?

I don’t know. I feel like the more things I do that aren’t centered around that Vine, the more I’m separating myself from it, even though people will always associate that with me. I think it’s something that I can’t do on my own. Like even if I say, “Guys I’m done with that,” people are still gonna see me as the Road Work Ahead guy. There’s almost nothing you can do in separating yourself from something that’s become bigger than yourself.

So much of YouTube is sharing your personal life. You even have a video called “Exploiting My Relationship For Content.”

Ha, yeah.

Do you ever regret having so much out there in the public?

I guess, to an extent. But you go into it knowing that’s going to be part of it. And I think I am able to separate — there’s a lot I don’t have to advertise. I don’t have to say everything about my relationship. Like, I like being able to include my fiancée in stuff because she wants to and people like her. I feel like there’s nothing I’ve put out there that I wasn’t willing to put out there. The only time I do regret it is when I mess up in a video, it’s on the internet forever.

Where do you draw the line between what’s too personal and what’s good for content?

I think I embrace it in that if something embarrassing happens to me, I think that does make for good content to tell the story. Like I’ve pooped my pants before when I was 15, and it’s a really funny story and I could be like, “Oh, I hope no one finds out, or I could just embrace it as a funny story. I think the key is try not to be embarrassed. Where I would draw the line, is like, don’t come to my house.

youtube

You had a pretty scathing review of Jake Paul’s concert.

Right.

What do you think of the identity that the Paul brothers built for themselves, and why do you dislike it so much?

So much of it is built on “We have all this money, and you don’t.” And without acknowledging the fact that the people they’re bragging to are the people who gave them all that money. With Jake and Logan Paul, they’ve done individually, things that are pretty messed up. Logan had the thing with the suicide forest — how would you even think to do that? — and Jake doxxed Post Malone. I think they’re more interested in making content than being good people. It’s so self-promotional, and it’s just kind of gross. I think they’re delusional about the fact their fans are kids.

But at the same time, you have said before that some of your super popular content was bashing on the Paul brothers. How do you feel building your own image off of someone else’s terrible image?

Yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. I’ve been doing that for a little bit now, because it’s easy to grow on YouTube as someone who rants about other things. I do get called out once in a while — like, “You’re making fun of these people, but all you’re doing is making fun of them, so how are you any better?” I try to add as much of my own flavor to it. Also, knowing that I’m not going to do this forever, I want to use this to transition into original, traditional content, not so much like, “And here’s who sucks this week!”

youtube

How would you define your brand, then, as a content creator?

I don’t really know … I feel like so much of it is figuring it out as I go. Whatever works, I’ll just do more. I guess I would describe my YouTube channel as me being the voice of reason amidst all of this weird shit that’s going on on the internet. Like, a couple of videos I made that are really big are about the pointless life hacks that you see on Facebook all the time. I like content like that because there’s not a victim, really. I’m not making fun of a specific person, I could just point at something that everyone thinks is dumb and be like, “Look how dumb it is!”

Do you have a goal set for yourself for moving into traditional content?

When I started before Vine and everything, what I wanted to do was write for a television show. Not a movie, specifically a TV series. Like, I’m a big fan of The Office — I’ve always wanted to write a show like that. So I’d like to, eventually with my platform and my audience, kind of get to a point where I could fund something like that and make something that’s scripted. And [one that] is a story rather than you know, reacting or ranting about something. That’s where I want to get.

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#after #culture #gooden #identity #online #online-identities #rebuilt #vine #web-culture #youtube

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news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog · 6 years

Text

How Drew Gooden rebuilt his online identity after Vine died

This post is part of Me, online, Mashable's ongoing series digging into online identities.

If you've ever found yourself mourning the downfall of Vine by binging compilations late at night — because really, who hasn't? — you've probably seen Drew Gooden's iconic "Road work ahead? I sure hope it does!"

That Vine inspired remixes, parodies, and fan merchandise. But the 24-year-old is ready to work on other projects.

youtube

Like many Vine stars, Gooden's made the transition to YouTube as a vlogger. Three years after that immensely popular Vine, he's navigating the world of reaction videos, figuring out his own brand, and trying to move past being known as the Road Work Ahead guy.

The following conversation with Gooden has been edited for length and clarity.

Mashable: You started off on Vine, and now you're making a name for yourself on YouTube. What was the thought process you went through when YouTube started growing more and Vine kind of just died out?

Drew Gooden: For me, there wasn't really crossover. A lot of people on Vine used their Vine platform to get big on YouTube. I waited until Vine died and didn't go to YouTube, and then a few months went by and I was like, OK, I guess I'll try it. So I had to start from scratch again on YouTube. By the time YouTube was starting to work out, Vine was so far in the rearview mirror. And YouTube has done a lot more than Vine — like I never made money from Vine. YouTube is now like a career. I forget exactly what your question was because I just ramble a lot.

No worries. What was your thought process as you transitioned to YouTube?

When I first started YouTube, I wasn't doing what I'm doing now. I tried to do what I was doing on Vine: basically little sketches, where I play all the characters, but it would just be longer. I think they're all pretty funny, but the way YouTube works, people really want to get to know you as a person. And so when I started to incorporate that, but into more sitting down and talking about something and sharing my opinion it felt like that's when it really started to take off.

Do you think if Vine stuck around for longer, people would make a career out of it?

Not at the rate it was going. There was a peak of Vine where people were making a lot of money — I wasn't one of those people but I know some of these people were doing these brand deals and these brands were throwing out so much money. There wasn't a way to figure out if it converted, where YouTube, you get a brand deal and get a link. They click on the link. With Vine it was just like, "Drink Pepsi!" and they had no way to track.

How old were you when you made your infamous "road work ahead" Vine?

I think I was 21. And it was not nearly as big. But that's one of those Vines that seems to be more popular now than it ever was then, because it's in all the like, Vine compilations on YouTube. It's funny, because ... [at] VidCon, about one out of three people were like, "Oh, you're the road work ahead guy!" And they'd want to film me saying the Vine for like, Snapchat or whatever. I was like, "I've done other stuff," but you know.

So you think that got popular because of the Vine compilation videos and not when Vine was still a thing?

I think so. I think it's also that when people are reminded of it when they see a sign, and maybe they say it to their friend, and then they've introduced them. It's kind of branched out over the years. It was not popular when it came out, but now it's like my catchphrase. I sell shirts with it on it, because gotta capitalize on it while it lasts.

me: road work ahead?? UHH yea, i sure hope it DOES my driving instructor, clenching her fists: drew you took your driving test like 8 years ago please get out of my house https://t.co/nESlDxFehJ

— Drew Gooden (@drewisgooden) March 27, 2018

But now it's three years later, you've tweeted about how you're tired of it and called it a "curse" — can you talk a little about that?

Yeah it was funny. Like, I go back and forth. I compare it to a band that has one really big song, and even though they make a bunch of different songs, they have to close every show for the next ten years with that song. Because that's what people want! So you have to embrace it, but there's a part of me that's like, "Please don't make me say it again."

I'd like to separate myself from it, but I have to embrace it, you know? And if that's how people discover me and if they like my new stuff, then that's great.

And you sell merch for it, so you're making money off it.

Right.

How have you tried moving past that one Vine, either in your personal life or in your path as a YouTuber?

I guess moving past it is just about doing other things. Doing as many other things as possible. I think there are other Viners who have one thing and then they try to milk it forever, and that's fine, but they never end up doing anything else. It's hard though — you're a meme. You become a meme, and people want you to be that.

Did you ever see that Vine, and he's like "It is Wednesday, my dudes" and he screams?

Yeah!

I saw him at VidCon and he was wearing the costume from that. He does other things now, he does YouTube and Twitch. But people aren't gonna recognize him now unless he's wearing that costume.

youtube

Right. And you're getting more into vlogging — how has that played into you moving on from Road Work Ahead Guy?

I don't know. I feel like the more things I do that aren't centered around that Vine, the more I'm separating myself from it, even though people will always associate that with me. I think it's something that I can't do on my own. Like even if I say, "Guys I'm done with that," people are still gonna see me as the Road Work Ahead guy. There's almost nothing you can do in separating yourself from something that's become bigger than yourself.

So much of YouTube is sharing your personal life. You even have a video called "Exploiting My Relationship For Content."

Ha, yeah.

Do you ever regret having so much out there in the public?

I guess, to an extent. But you go into it knowing that's going to be part of it. And I think I am able to separate — there's a lot I don't have to advertise. I don't have to say everything about my relationship. Like, I like being able to include my fiancée in stuff because she wants to and people like her. I feel like there's nothing I've put out there that I wasn't willing to put out there. The only time I do regret it is when I mess up in a video, it's on the internet forever.

Where do you draw the line between what's too personal and what's good for content?

I think I embrace it in that if something embarrassing happens to me, I think that does make for good content to tell the story. Like I've pooped my pants before when I was 15, and it's a really funny story and I could be like, "Oh, I hope no one finds out, or I could just embrace it as a funny story. I think the key is try not to be embarrassed. Where I would draw the line, is like, don't come to my house.

youtube

You had a pretty scathing review of Jake Paul's concert.

Right.

What do you think of the identity that the Paul brothers built for themselves, and why do you dislike it so much?

So much of it is built on "We have all this money, and you don't." And without acknowledging the fact that the people they're bragging to are the people who gave them all that money. With Jake and Logan Paul, they've done individually, things that are pretty messed up. Logan had the thing with the suicide forest — how would you even think to do that? — and Jake doxxed Post Malone. I think they're more interested in making content than being good people. It's so self-promotional, and it's just kind of gross. I think they're delusional about the fact their fans are kids.

But at the same time, you have said before that some of your super popular content was bashing on the Paul brothers. How do you feel building your own image off of someone else's terrible image?

Yeah, that's where I'm at right now. I've been doing that for a little bit now, because it's easy to grow on YouTube as someone who rants about other things. I do get called out once in a while — like, "You're making fun of these people, but all you're doing is making fun of them, so how are you any better?" I try to add as much of my own flavor to it. Also, knowing that I'm not going to do this forever, I want to use this to transition into original, traditional content, not so much like, "And here's who sucks this week!"

youtube

How would you define your brand, then, as a content creator?

I don't really know ... I feel like so much of it is figuring it out as I go. Whatever works, I'll just do more. I guess I would describe my YouTube channel as me being the voice of reason amidst all of this weird shit that's going on on the internet. Like, a couple of videos I made that are really big are about the pointless life hacks that you see on Facebook all the time. I like content like that because there's not a victim, really. I'm not making fun of a specific person, I could just point at something that everyone thinks is dumb and be like, "Look how dumb it is!"

Do you have a goal set for yourself for moving into traditional content?

When I started before Vine and everything, what I wanted to do was write for a television show. Not a movie, specifically a TV series. Like, I'm a big fan of The Office — I've always wanted to write a show like that. So I'd like to, eventually with my platform and my audience, kind of get to a point where I could fund something like that and make something that's scripted. And [one that] is a story rather than you know, reacting or ranting about something. That's where I want to get.

WATCH: So, how well do you know your 'Lil' rappers?

#_uuid:a158ff8c-d886-31a1-bdf1-e56b2d0064f4 #_author:Morgan Sung #_lmsid:a0Vd000000DTrEpEAL #_revsp:news.mashable

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dinoalexander · 6 years

Text

The Semi Quotable 2017 Part 5

“applebee’s is literally begging to give away their food.” – Christine Teigen

“In the car w/husband, I offered $20 and a blowjob immediately if he could guess the official title. He did not win.” – @SteelyDanRather on the title announcement for Solo: A Star Wars Story

“280 tweets look like serial killer manifestos” – Scott Aukerman

“Dick Versace had two goals in 1989: guide the Pacers to the playoffs and beat Ricky Steamboat as many times as possible.” – Super 70’s Sports

“It’s D-Day and (Robert) Mueller secured the beaches before noon. Run Nazis.” – Mark Frost on the indictment of Michael Flynn

“The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.” – Luke Skywalker

"The answer is either ass, boobs, or dick." -Jordan

"For the sake of salvaging whats left of the positions dignity for President of the United States...can someone in his staff please for the love of God delete Trumps twitter account? Its now gone from one of the most prestigious positions to "worlds most cringe worthy Twitter handle" in less than 6 months." -Steve

"Plague!!!!!!" -Block

"Donald Trump deals in bullshit the way a bovine fertilizer salesman deals in...well, bullshit." -C

"Sometimes you're the Galactic Empire, sometimes you're the Rebel Alliance." -Heather

"Leave it to us to make 'The Little Mermaid' SUPER awkward." -Q

"Ted Cruz...trippin'?" -Molly B

""Live your life in such a way that Donald Trump tweets mean things about you" -David K

"I remember reading so many posts immediately after the election from people who were absolutely terrified of what was going to happen once Trump was sworn in and Republicans controlled both houses of Congress. As evidenced by the fiasco that's unfolding with the health care bill, it should be clear that you folks had nothing to worry about. Even if they had some sort of nefarious purpose they were trying to carry out in their agenda, it seems as though these guys couldn't find their ass with both hands and a GPS." -Tim

“Well then get your shit together, get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get. Your shit. Together.” -Morty Smith (Justin Roiland)

"Alright, I'm now willing to admit there is a downside to everyone wearing yoga pants in public: I can't tell which of the adults milling about at the gym are here for adult gymnastics and which are just waiting to pick up their kids." -Pam

“Byron Allen’s got me all confused.” -me whenever “Happy” plays on the radio.

"A teacher in the school is selling Girl Scout cookies. The teacher got my order. In related news, someone's daughter is going to Camp Sugarbush this summer. Also in related news, after I eat these cookies, my nickname will be Sugarbush." -Klauss

“Like THAT’s safe!” -Michael, on Quisla’s... erm, safe.

"I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that people die of natural causes." -Rammson

"Donald Trump doesn't understand climate change because he lives in perpetual shade." -Laura

"A close friend referred to this before and after as Exponential Degredation. He said it and he's not taking it back." -The Perfesser

"This would be the equivalent of opening up a Cracker Jack box looking for the prize and seeing it in the bottom ox a box filled with sludge. There's some cool things but do you really want to go through the sludge?" -Gordon, on "Hip Hop Squares"

"You're not minimalist. You're broke." -some guy

"Okay, so we have watermelons.... why aren't there earthmelons or airmelons or firemelons? What happened to the rest of the elemelons?" -Emily Ann

“Thanks for making me confused about my sexuality, Adam Driver. You talented douche.” -Laura

"Unicorn Frappuccinos are what happens when you try and make too much of a good thing for profit. Its the answer to a question nobody asked. It's a Bar Rescue gone horribly wrong." -C

"(As Craig Ferguson) Now he used to be a wrestler and now he's going into politics. Now the two are highly different of course. One involves people with larger than life personalities who make grandiose claims and attack their opponents constantly and the other involves spandex tights." -Brian

"Dang it, PWC! Where were you in November? We could have had Emma Stone as President!" -Clint

“Feelings are real, but they are not reality.” -Dan Harmon

"It's like you've inherited a baby alligator. He was cute for awhile and now he's a big alligator who's threatening to destroy everything but still hangs around you and calls you daddy." -Gordon

"If one of those interchangeable Kardashian chicks dressed as a stewardess interrupted Sean Spicer's press conference by handing him a Pepsi, we as a nation could begin the healing process." -Kevin

"Opened Emma's recital costume and IT WAS COVERED IN GLITTER AND NOW I AM COVERED IN GLITTER AND EVERYTHING I OWN IS COVERED IN GLITTER OMG WHYYYYYYYYYYYY" -Molly B

"It's not terrible, but you can see terrible from where we're standing." -Q

"WHERE ARE MY PANTS!!!" -Michael

"Ladies and gentlemen, my sister, the one-woman Greek chorus." -C

"I have designated February 14 as 'Catch Pokémon, Not Feelings Day'." -J-Ho Boy-Type

"Because that's what ABC thought. This party needs more Lucy Hale." -C

"If I were Samsung I would make my keynote address one sentence. "Samsung galaxy S8… This one won't light itself on fire"." -Brian

"We are not going to let another demon monster take hold and grown and run wild. We are going to nip this problem in the bud. WE ARE GOING TO KILL HITLER AS A BABY!" -Q

"To quote the great Panamanian philosopher Roberto Durán, 'No más'." -C

"I broke my banana." -Q, re: an actual banana.

"Los Angeles has two football teams, two baseball teams, two basketball teams, and two hockey teams, but no curling teams?" -Kevin

"I have to wait for the Luther breakdown to finish!" -C

“Ugh. I really wish I had something cool to say.” -Johnny Yong Bosch

"Less Donald Trump! More techno music!" -bus random to a Bop It!

"Someone told me that being verified on Twitter “really doesn’t do anything” but that person is 1) wrong and 2) head of a social media dept." -Cory

"How did you know Carolina was going to beat Duke?" -Q

"Quisla... its U.N. motherfucking C. They handle shit. Consider this shit handled." -C

"my most-recent counseling appointment had me reaching the following conclusion: i fully acknowledge that i am a jackass, and my attempts at keeping myself from being a jackass has stifled what people like in me as a consequence of not wanting others to think badly of me. so what am i to do? just be a jackass and shoulder the consequences no matter when and where it happens? not entirely -- if i am to have my moments of jackassery, i will make better efforts to steer those spells towards being a jackass for the right reasons. sometimes it takes a jackass christian speaking up when someone claims to be a christian but whose words and actions are far from the basic command of 'love one another.' sometimes fighting for the weak and powerless means being a jackass towards the mighty and powerful. sometimes only an absolute jackass would punch a nazi in the face. i'm josh eldridge. i am a jackass. i hope this admission doesn't effect our friendship." -Josh

“Kylo Ren is like a sullen, resentful jungle gym.” -Laura

"I'm going to make a screwdriver because it's cold as shit outside." -Shelly

“I’m Regis Philbin! Welcome to night 24 of Who Wants To Get Impregnated?” -Jordan

"I just can't girl right." -Shannon

"Our long national pasttime is over." -Jessica, on overlong baseball games

"You may have a problem if the Target cashier recognizes you, knows you by name, and asks if everything was good because you didn't come in on your 'normal' day. Yay! I'm a regular!" -Aryn

"I read my bed all the time! It's a Serta!" -Kitty Carrion

"Does Baby Jojo need a binky?" -C

"I sense a great migraine in the Force...as if millions of white people were trying to get woke at the same time." -Laura

"Well the inauguration is over, finally after two years we can all get back to normal and... *boots up facebook* ...and I'm going to stay off Facebook until January of 2021, cheers 🙂" -Brian

"What fruit is the state of Georgia famous for? ... Todd Chrisley." -C, at quiz night

"So, apparently as an instructor, referring to the start of a new semester as "hazing" is frowned upon." -Heather

“2017 in a nutshell: You see “Mario Batalli :(“ as a Facebook status and you say to yourself, “Dead or pervert?”” -Adam

"Fun fact: staying sane is hard." -Jordan

"If I performed my job with the same razor-sharp precision with which meteorologists perform theirs:

Boss: Is this the data you promised me three weeks ago? Because it looks like completely wrong information.

Me: Yeah, but, as you can see, I've color-coded it in lovely hues of blue, purple and pink where I thought it would make it look nice.

Boss: Yep. Looks great! Keep up the good work.

I am clearly in the wrong profession." -Molly B

"😂😂😂 if I was meant to behave, I wouldn't have been born so good at misbehaving 😛" -Emily Ann

"Seen on a group page tonight:

Everything Kirk Cameron touches turns to patriarchy." -Shrub

"In other news, 30 oz of ribeye can be converted to 0 if you just believe in yourself." -Justin S

"Bacteria gets me so hard." -Jordan

"Oh REALLY..." -Q, reaching for Jordan's pants

"Who here loves animals but hates that Sarah Maclachlan commercial?" -Sweet Tea Shakespeare guy

“Hey... I run them miles. I’m slow as fuck, but I run them miles.” -C

"Trying to stay positive in a world full of assholes is like trying to shovel hot jello from a wheel barrow using a pitch fork with only one prong!" -Sheila

"If there's one thing I learned in college, it's: never underestimate the power of an icy, cold shower beer. Thanks guys!" -Dahlia

"No, no, no. I can't have penises all over my car tonight. Tomorrow night, maybe, but no penises tonight." -Nicole W

"Maybe for Lent Trump should just give up." -George Takei

"She wanted someone to take the pickle, so I did." -C

"Too... many... JOKES!" -Brian

"Saw the Barca result. Ah, so that is why folks riot." -Steve P

“I can’t have weird Chico. I live with him.” -Q

"Yay sports! Spoooooooorts!" -Milana Vayntrub

"You're at a bar. Playing bar trivia. Against an IQA ranked quizzer and his sister who would also be IQA ranked if she made the trip to Raleigh with me that morning. We are naturally expressive people within our family. That comes from being the children of Carlos and Olivia Alexander. We laugh together, we love together, we cook, fight, and emote together. And when we win, we emote like hell. If you don't like it when we win, next time bring smarter friends. Until then, get the fuck over it." -the son of Carlos & Olivia Alexander.

"This is my face when I find out some epically old karma has been served." -Shannon

Okay, one more oughta do it.

0 notes

atakportal · 6 years

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How Drew Gooden rebuilt his online identity after Vine died

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How Drew Gooden rebuilt his online identity after Vine died

This post is part of Me, online, Mashable’s ongoing series digging into online identities.

That Vine inspired remixes, parodies, and fan merchandise. But the 24-year-old is ready to work on other projects.

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The following conversation with Gooden has been edited for length and clarity.

No worries. What was your thought process as you transitioned to YouTube?

Do you think if Vine stuck around for longer, people would make a career out of it?

How old were you when you made your infamous “road work ahead” Vine?

So you think that got popular because of the Vine compilation videos and not when Vine was still a thing?

me: road work ahead?? UHH yea, i sure hope it DOES

my driving instructor, clenching her fists: drew you took your driving test like 8 years ago please get out of my house https://t.co/nESlDxFehJ

— Drew Gooden (@drewisgooden) March 27, 2018

But now it’s three years later, you’ve tweeted about how you’re tired of it and called it a “curse” — can you talk a little about that?

I’d like to separate myself from it, but I have to embrace it, you know? And if that’s how people discover me and if they like my new stuff, then that’s great.

And you sell merch for it, so you’re making money off it.

Right.

It’s hard though — you’re a meme. You become a meme, and people want you to be that.

How have you tried moving past that one Vine, either in your personal life or in your path as a YouTuber?

Did you ever see that Vine, and he’s like “It is Wednesday, my dudes” and he screams?

Yeah!

I saw him at VidCon and he was wearing the costume from that. He does other things now, he does YouTube and Twitch. But people aren’t gonna recognize him now unless he’s wearing that costume.

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Right. And you’re getting more into vlogging — how has that played into you moving on from Road Work Ahead Guy?

So much of YouTube is sharing your personal life. You even have a video called “Exploiting My Relationship For Content.”

Ha, yeah.

Do you ever regret having so much out there in the public?

Where do you draw the line between what’s too personal and what’s good for content?

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You had a pretty scathing review of Jake Paul’s concert.

Right.

What do you think of the identity that the Paul brothers built for themselves, and why do you dislike it so much?

But at the same time, you have said before that some of your super popular content was bashing on the Paul brothers. How do you feel building your own image off of someone else’s terrible image?

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How would you define your brand, then, as a content creator?

Do you have a goal set for yourself for moving into traditional content?

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