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#he is both sunshine AND midnight rain

sxnshinericciardo · 8 months

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𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐒 — 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

★ Yuki Tsunoda as Midnights ★

#he is both sunshine AND midnight rain #i will hear no arguments okay BYEEEE #˗ˏˋ moodboards ´ˎ˗#˗ˏˋ yuki ´ˎ˗#f1 moodboard #f1 moodboards #yuki tsunoda

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neo-nomatrix · 6 months

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Sunshine and Midnight Rain

Luke Castellan x Apollo kid!Reader

word count: 851

summary: Luke castellan and the daughter of apollos love story

a/n: “remember who the enemy is” IM TRYING

Luke Castellan held your heart since the day you met, and you held his.

You arrived at camp a few months after Luke. You were one of the lucky ones, claimed within an hour of being there. Your godly father is Apollo, god of poetry, the sun, music, narcissism, idiocy, stupidity, all that. You had assumed the gods would act superior to all, no matter if they were or weren’t. But Apollo was on a completely different level. You didn’t know why he had taken such a liking to you.

“You remind him of himself,” Your half sister, Kayla, had told you, “an archer who never misses, healer who fixes every wound, gifted singer, and somehow picked up the lyre in a day. And yet, you still ask why Apollo loves you the most?”

“I wish he wouldn’t,” you twirl the golden arrow he gifted you.

“y’know, that hermes boy has been staring since the moment you stepped foot here,” she smiles, nodding to the tan boy sitting on a picnic table.

“Great, more attention,” you keep your sights on the boy, lucas? Luca, maybe?

“His name’s luke castellan,” kayla says, ah luke, that’s it.

“He’s handsome,” you say matter of factly.

“Don’t trust those Hermes boys, all they do is lie,” Kayla leans back and rolls her eyes.

“It’s a good thing I play the lyre.”

——————

“You’ve got a great shot,” a deep voice says from behind you.

You’ve been at the range for around an hour, it’s 4:30, you always practice when no one else is around.

“The whole reason why I come out here this early is so i can be alone,” sure, it sounds mean but you swear you’re not trying to be.

“Sorry, once I see you it’s hard to look away,” you’re not looking at him but you can tell me has the biggest smirk on his face.

“Funny,” you tell him bluntly.

You set down your bow, keeping the arrow in your hand, and sit on the nearby grass. He lays down beside you, you follow his lead and put your hands behind your head.

“That arrow, it’s like it’s made of the sun,” He says amazed.

“A gift from dear old dad. No matter how far I shoot it’ll always come back. Supposed to be a sign of his love or something. But I think he just constantly wants me to be annoyed by him,” you inform him possibly too much.

“Most people would be grateful if their godly parent cares that much,” he says.

“It’s different with Apollo, there is no such thing as true altruism with him,” you bite your inner lip.

“I get that, I’m just tryna say- Hermes never showed up for me, and I'd kill to just have him tell me he cares,” His eyes furrow.

“Guess we both have different priorities,” you smile.

“Opposites work best don’t they?” He smiles back.

“Isn’t it opposites attract?” You wonder.

“Hey, your words, not mine,” he laughs.

“That one’s Orion,” You point up at the constellation.

“He was always my favorite,” he adds.

“Mine has always been Cassiopeia, but you can never see her over here,” You look back up at the sky.

“That one’s Taurus, and then Sirius below, and Gemini above,” you point each of them out.

Even though he hums in acknowledgment his eyes are locked on you.

“You’re staring, again” You mention.

“I told you I can’t help it, especially when you glow like that,” he reaches out and touches your face.

You reach out and grab his hand, running your fingers against his slender digits.

“I’d like to be a constellation when I die, maybe my father will fulfill that wish,” you say to him.

“That’ll be my last wish too, we can lay in the stars together.”

——————

It’s been a day since Percy Jackson came to Camp Half-blood. It just so happens to be your favorite day of the year, capture the flag. You have led the archers on the blue team for years, you’d say you’re doing well for what you’re given. Besides your siblings in Apollo the rest of the kids weren’t as gifted in archery.

As the first conch shell blew you were preparing for your mock-battle. Annabeth in charge of the plan and Percy, Luke with company, and you with the archers. You knew you could, no- would win. The archers took the trees, helping stray company from the skies.

“Today feels like a winning kind of day?” Annabeth asks luke.

“I’ll see you on the other side,” He smiles.

“Luke!” You pull him aside for a moment.

You cup his face the best you can through his armor. “You don’t get hurt okay? I don’t feel like healing anymore wounds from you. Understand?”

“Oh but I love to see you healing” he holds your hand and smirks

“Archers! Move out!” You call your team, eyes still locked with his, smiling.

“so… you and her?” Percy asks the taller boy.

“how could I not? She's perfect. I mean, I genuinely believe I could live without the sun if I just had her.”

And maybe, just maybe, he could.

#luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x you #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo #pjo series #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #percy jackson x y/n #pjo x reader #pjo x you

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meiieiri · 4 months

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𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 [geto suguru]

synopsis: suguru geto upped and left that day without a moment’s notice and he took everything with him — your heart, your soul — but as you look at the positive pregnancy test in your hand, you realize that he did in fact leave one thing behind.

warnings: unplanned pregnancy, angst, explicit sex.

a/n: i know, i know. i should be writing WE but this concept has been in my head far longer than WE and i just need to get it out there or else, i think i’m gonna go insane. if anyone wants to know the plot of this would have been fic, feel free to let me know lmao, of course it still involves gojo bc i can’t choose between the two of them since they’re both so baby girl—! also happy birthday to the loml, my pookie-wookie, honeybunch, suguru geto!!

It’s been a year since the happy side trip to Okinawa became a living nightmare that culminated in you, Suguru Geto, and Satoru Gojo on the brink of death and with many more scars than you could have ever imagined. The three of you had very different ideas on how to cope. Satoru spends the past year perfecting his cursed technique, often at the expense of his emotional well-being and energy but then again, after what Toji Fushiguro did to him leaving him with the trauma of being slaughtered without regard, it was only natural.

You and Suguru on the other hand retreated into yourselves; it was hard to believe that just a year before the two of you were a normal teenage couple who enjoyed walking the trendy streets of Shibuya in the weekend sunshine without a care in the world, whose only real problem is to decide where the two of you were gonna have your weekly dates.

Now, things were different. Rainclouds have gathered effectively blocking out the sun. As you sat on the desk reading through your textbook on reverse cursed technique, you glance at Suguru from time to time and you aren’t the least bit surprised to see him sitting by the dorm room’s windowsill, staring at the garden with an empty gaze.

You’ve had enough of this. This eternal state of limbo was tearing you and Suguru apart.

Slowly, you stand up from the desk, softly padding across the wooden floor to where your boyfriend is. It was the middle of the night, last you checked, it’s already nine in the evening. You should be heading back to the women’s dorms now but you couldn’t, not when things were like this, not when Suguru’s losing himself day after day, you can’t help him, you know that, but you could be there for him seeing that’s all you can do.

But even then, it’s never enough.

Your relationship with Suguru is like a lit dynamite stick, you know that it’s only a matter of time before it also explodes in your faces. So, Suguru takes the lead, like he always does, he’s so much wiser and stronger than you in every way though he doesn’t care to admit it, though he pretends he doesn’t know why you’re so dependent on him.

“I think we should break up.”

He says that while holding your hand. You saw this coming but just how long did you anticipate that the love of your life would eventually up and leave you? You squeeze his hand with every ounce of the grief you are feeling hoping it would transcend the confines of your skin and it would reach his heart. “Is that what you really want?”

“No.”

He stands up to meet your gaze, the throw blanket falling to the floor as he does. He leans in closer, his hand cupping your cheek with such tenderness and heartache that you feel your heart rise to your throat. Suguru is normally so gentle like a shower of midnight rain, but he kisses you like this is the last — it probably is. Lost in him, your hands trail over his chest, and he deepens the kiss hoping that you’d also understand that he doesn’t really want to leave but he has to. He can’t bear to drag you into his mess.

He could never do that to you.

You respond with a soft moan when Suguru slowly lifts your shirt over your head. He stares at your plump breasts for a moment, covered only by a thin lace-like material, before deciding that looking at you wasn’t enough. He has to take you, ravish you, fondle you, kiss you. Anything to let you know that he’s not doing this because he’s fallen out of love with you.

“Don’t leave,” you plead in between his soft kisses to your breasts, tears slipping from your eyes as he removes your bra, letting it slip from your shoulders which he was now kissing up to the crook of your neck. How could your hearts be so full yet so empty at the same time?

None of what happened should have caused this much heartache between the two of you. In fact, it should have made you rely on each more, right? It should have strengthened you not destroy everything you had: each other, the future you planned together.

Suguru doesn’t answer as he nips at your neck, sucking on the delicate flesh, as your forms gracefully fall on the bed, he stares at you with such love, such devotion, and you wonder why this should be the last time. His gaze falls to your vulnerable form, his cock hardening at the sight of your clothed pussy getting wet just from that. He grinds against you, sighing at the way you buck your hips to meet his wanting more of him. If this was to be the last time, then, you want to make it count.

“Suguru, I’m yours.” That’s all he needs to hear and he removes your underwear, kissing down your leg as he slips it off of you. He tosses it onto his nightstand, and he leans towards it to grab a condom from his drawer. You catch his hand. “Don’t. I want to feel you.”

Suguru’s eyes widen at your request, his lips eliciting short huffs of breath. He’s never fucked you raw before. “Are you sure?”

You nod against his forehead. “Please. Please fuck me, Su.”

Slowly, his hand guiding his tip up and down your slit, smearing your wetness along the base of his cock before slowly pushing into you savoring the sensation of your cunt squeezing around him as he stretches you with his girth. A deep groan betrays him and his mouth hangs open as your tight walls envelop him as he bottoms out. He takes a moment to collect himself, not wanting to cum right then and there.

“S-shit. Ah, you’re so fucking tight.” He allows himself a small thrust, the tip of his cock already nudging your sensitive spot, having memorized you after many desperate nights of lovemaking. His fingers grip the soft skin of your hips as he pulls out momentarily before pushing back in again more forcefully this time.

“S-su! Mngh—please fuck me—I love you, I love you, I love you,” you beg.

A tear slips from Suguru’s eyes, it was becoming more real now — this final goodbye. He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, his thumb brushing against your cheek as he slowly builds up the pace of his thrusts, his cock bullying your cunt, driving himself in and out of your pussy, again and again. He brings your leg to his waist, holding it so he could angle himself better. “I love you too.”

You mewl as he pistons in and out of you, his balls slapping hard against your skin. “Sugu—ah! More—n-need more of you—“ You’re crying now, and he is too as he continues to ravage your pussy, his hand finds your other leg and he pushes your knees close to your chest, folding you into a deep mating press, slamming into your cunt.

“I’m yours. Always,” Suguru looks into your eyes amidst your desperate cries, your thighs trembling under his passionate gaze. He grunts when he feels the familiar tightening of your walls. “You’re close—fuck,” he takes this as an incentive to go faster, harder, and he fucks you in a way he never has before.

“So good—oh—“ you fall silent as he suddenly brings your hands to your clit, letting you touch yourself. You looked so beautiful like this, under him, your head thrown back against the pillows, your mouth primed in a silent ‘o’. He pants as he feels his balls tighten when your hips involuntarily buck into him as you climax. “Suguru!”

“Ah, baby…” He groans, the hot breath from his lips tickling your forehead as he rides out his high, spilling his seed into you not caring what the consequences may be. You did want this after all, and he did too. You feel full just from the sensation of his thick cum, he thrusts into you one last time, further smearing his release in your walls.

You sighed as he stays there, your weak and trembling arms coming up to embrace him. He strokes your hair, memorizing each lock, pulling out after a while. Suguru pulls you flush against his chest, the remnants of his and your release sliding down your thighs. “It’ll be okay,” Suguru catches his breath, kissing your temple. “Even without me. You’ll be okay.”

“I won’t…you know I won’t.”

“You will.” He says firmly. “I promise. You know me, baby, I never break my promises.” You feel tears well up in your eyes again and he tenderly wipes it away. “I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too.”

By the next morning, you already knew with the way the AC’s cold air nips at your skin without Suguru, your Suguru, there to embrace you that he’s already left.

Without a note, without a goodbye. Typical of Suguru who doesn’t want to stick around to see you cry.

You curl into yourself as sobs wrack your body, the promise ring Suguru gave you gleaming under the rays of morning sunlight.

A few years later, just as Suguru said, things did get better. You smiled as you arranged the last of the tempura into the bento box filled with soba noodles with nori and small containers of mentsuyu and wasabi. It’s amazing how much she takes after him. You look at the clock and your face pales. You’re running late, so, you head upstairs to speed things up a little. You creak open the door to see the little blessing of your life, the last gift Suguru ever gave you. She’s looking at the picture of you and Suguru which you placed in her room, and since you know it was highly unlikely she’ll ever meet your lover in this lifetime, you’ve decided you want her to know him if by his appearance alone and the stories you tell her.

“Riko? We’re gonna be late,” you gently reminded your four-year-old daughter. You shoot her a funny look when you see the haphazard way she placed her hair in a bun. She pouts as she tries to get it right again, looking at her father’s picture intently. “Sweetheart, are you trying to look like—?”

“Like papa,” she huffs cutely and you chuckle, moving to pick her up and sit her down on your lap. Kissing her cheek, you also gaze at the picture depicting a candid you and Suguru during your first year at Tokyo Jujutsu Technical College. He has his arm wrapped around your shoulder, winking at the camera as he kisses your cheek, a silent gleeful laugh on your face.

You look at her, a little confused, you gently smooth her hair before planting a kiss between her eyebrows. “And why do you want to look like papa?” Riko shyly looks away, her ears turning a little red as she blushes, a trait she inherited from you. You flick her nose, giggling. “Well?” Riko laughs at the playful gesture.

“…So you don’t cry anymore, mama.” Your heart seems to have stopped beating for a moment and a warm, tearful smile appears on your face, wrapping Riko in a bone-crushingly tender hug. “Love you…” she sinks into the warmth of your hug and you kiss the top of her head.

“I love you, Riko. So…so…much.”

At that, your little girl sighs in relief. “School?” she tilts her head and you suddenly remembered the reason you went upstairs. You had to get moving. Your eyes widened and you carry her downstairs, being careful not to jostle her too much. “My hair, mama!” she giggles at her still unruly hair and you grimace in embarrassment. Suddenly, the front door opens and Riko sees who it is, before you could grab the spare brush from your bag, she suddenly jumps out of your arms and makes a beeline for the door.

“Papa, papa!”

You turn around and though the sight pains you to this day, somehow, you’re starting to learn to live with the fact that things are always bound to change with time and that this is what Suguru would have wanted: a loving and complete family for his little girl. You wrap Riko’s bento and place it in her lunchbox before going to greet the visitor.

“Hi, babe.” He turns to meet your lips for a sweet kiss, balancing Riko in his strong arms.

“Good morning, Satoru.”

#geto x y/n #geto smut #geto suguru smut #geto suguru headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #jjk x reader #gojo satoru x reader #geto x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #geto suguru #geto suguru x y/n #geto x you smut #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #geto suguru x reader #suguru geto #geto angst #geto x you

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wongyuuu · 4 months

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midnight rain | lsm

pairing: seokmin x f!reader genre: angst, smut, a little bit of fluff word count: 17k summary: after seven years away, you finally return home. meeting seokmin again wasn't in your plans, but life wasn't willing to let you have it your way. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, oral, swearing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don't do this) a/n: this is part of 1k event, it was requested the dearest @ressonancee. but also, it's part of svt ans songs from midnights. i just wrote two in one and something that was supposed to be short became this monster. i hope i wrote seokmin in a way you'll like it. prompt: “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do." Seokmin ➝ Midnight Rain He was sunshine, I was midnight rain ↳ it was the oldest story in the world, the bright boy fell for the grumpy girl.

Letter #1

Seokmin,

You know, I've always been very proud of not being a very attached person. I've always been proud that I can put myself first and second, because I know I need to do it, because I know that no one else will do it for me. So, when I came here and dropped everything I had, I thought it would be a lot easier than it actually is.

When I turn around in bed at night, after days of trying to get used to the time zone and weeks to the weather and the people here — which are both bad and for completely different reasons, nothing is like in the movies — I always hope to find you there by my side and being able to snuggle up to you like I always did. I wake up in the morning and make enough coffee for two people and take two mugs out of the cupboard, and only then do I realize I'm alone here. I don't need two mugs and I made too much coffee. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I find myself typing your number, which I have memorized despite the fact that no one remembers phone numbers, because phones exist for a reason.

You have no idea how much I miss you and what I would do to be able to hear your voice again. I would do anything, I swear I could. But I know I no longer have that right. I know that what I did is unforgivable and although I want your forgiveness, I hope you never forget what I did to you.

You were still good to me on the last day. You took me to the airport, you said goodbye to me, you hugged me tight like you know I like it and you did your best not to shed a tear in front of me.

Every now and then I catch myself thinking that I messed up. I could have done my master's where we graduated, I didn't need to move to the other side of the world and leave the life I knew behind. But at the same time, I accept it. Coming here was my dream, it was always what I dreamed of even when you were by my side as well. And maybe that's why I never told you about the application, about being approved. Maybe I waited until the end, until the very last second to tell you because I knew you were the only one capable of changing my mind.

When I was by your side, I started to dream of a different life, a life that had you at all times and in all aspects. But, as you may have already noticed, I chose my first dream.

I know I won't regret it. I can't afford to regret it. You’ll become who you always wanted to be and I’ll be there to give you a standing ovation. Not there, next to you, but from afar.

“That was Sunday Morning, by Hong Joshua. Ah, whenever I hear this song I remember my college days. I've said this here a few times, and I think I sound like a broken record by this point, but Joshua and I went to the same college and he was always singing this song in the hallways. Any small gathering between friends he would pull out the guitar and sing. So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen to this song at least once a week for the next year. Or until he releases the next one.”

Seokmin looked at the monitor to his right as a pre-recorded commercial for the next show started. The comments were going up too quickly, which made reading them an almost impossible mission.

On the other side of the glass, Chan made a sign indicating that the commercial was over. Seokmin looked at his friend as he lowered one finger after another and finally pointed at him. Chan placed a sheet of paper, which was always used, against the glass, which said “last, chat”. Indicating that he still had one more question to answer.

“We have time for one more question” Seokmin said, opening the internal chat he used with the other radio employees and read the question that Chan had sent “I ended a relationship of almost four years a few months ago, but I still can't understand what happened. I haven't even returned his things yet. How do I get in touch saying I want to return it?”

Seokmin swallowed. He knew that Chan hadn't done it on purpose, that he had no way of knowing everything that had happened between him and you, but he hated how much the question resonated in his head. It was a feeling he shared and for him it had been a little worse because you lived together during your last year of college. So when he entered the house and saw all the furniture, the decorations, your clothes still in the closet, it was like entering a time machine. In that 30 square meter space, for a few minutes, you still hadn't left.

He took a deep breath, away from the microphone so the sound wouldn't be picked, and leaned forward.

“It's a difficult question, really. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't picked his things up, it's because he doesn't need them, so I don't think you should bother contacting him. Hmmm”

He bit his lip and rested his elbows on the table, thinking if he should continue talking or if it would be better to stop there. Seokmin always thought it was better not to let personal feelings show on the radio, but he had moments when he couldn't follow his own rules.

“I can tell you from experience that sometimes silence is better. Because if you know the truth, it could hurt you even more. When I was in a similar situation, after a while I simply discarded the person's belongings. At first, it will be difficult, because you’ll see that shirt you gave as a gift, that letter you wrote and remember what it meant, the moment you gave those things to him. But little by little you will achieve it. Don't feel obligated to just move on when you're not ready. People will always tell you that it's about time, that it's been so many weeks or months. You’re the one who knows about your feelings.”

Chan knocked on the glass again, almost desperate because Seokmin's answer had been too long. It wasn't the first time he had gotten lost in what he was saying and maybe had been talking in circles. It always happened that he remembered you when he answered a question.

And in that specific question he was being a hypocrite because he knew that if he opened his closet, deep inside it, he would find at least two boxes full of your things hidden. He rarely went near those boxes, he liked to pretend they didn't exist and most days he managed to achieve that thought. But there were other days…

“So we come to the end of another Cupid's Corner with Minnie. See you again next week. Cupid’s Corner with Minnie: Unveiling Love’s Melody, One Relationship at a Time!”

Seokmin removed his headphones, stood up, and waved at the cameras he knew were pointed at him. He grabbed his phone and the bottle of water he always carried with him. The red light above the door finally went out and Seokmin left the studio.

Immediately, Chan appeared beside him. He had just gone blond, and it strangely suited him.

He knew the youngest was desperate, not that he was doing a good job of hiding it. The disheveled hair, pointing in all directions, also helped a lot.

“You’re going to have a heart attack if you continue like this” Seokmin said laughing.

Chan was the newest employee, handpicked by Seokmin a few months before. Seokmin needed someone to help him organize the broadcasts after his previous assistant quit because she had gotten a job in the field she had studied. Seokmin even talked to her and offered a higher salary that would come out of his own pocket, but nothing seemed to help. Not that he blamed her, in her place he would have done the same thing. But in the position he was in, changes made him uncomfortable so he did what he could to make sure everything stayed the same.

Maybe it was trauma.

“It’s because they yell at me, not you.”

One of the reasons Seokmin chose Chan as his new assistant was his sincerity. In the middle of the interview he “I think there are things in your program that need to change” and started listing things that he thought were dated or ideas that had been used too much and therefore didn't have the same effect on listeners. The others had found him presumptuous as if he wanted to know more than those who worked at the radio. Seokmin disagreed and that's how Chan got the job.

“They yell at you because you’re the new guy, no one yelled at Jiah”

Chan made a sound in the back of his throat, like a scoff.

“That's because everyone was afraid of her” Seokmin rolled his eyes and reached for the folder Chan was carrying “Oh, right. Tomorrow is your lecture for the communication classes, but they said it is possible that students from other courses will also be there, because it’llll be in the auditorium”

Seokmin nodded, reading the guidelines Chan had made. He needed to admit that he was organized and had absolute control over everything he did. He was sure that if he asked about Wonwoo's program, Chan would know how to answer as if he worked directly with him.

“You know how it is, I have fans” Chan pretended to vomit “If you go tomorrow, we’ll go out to dinner later, I’ll pay”

"Deal"

Seokmin always found it strange to be called to give lectures at the college where he studied. He wasn't a teacher and he didn't think he had done enough to be someone who could give advice to someone. In fact, Seokmin was sure he hadn't done anything big. His life, to put it very simply, was flat. At least, almost all of his life.

Seokmin has always been the type of guy who makes plans and follows through on those plans. When he was sixteen he got it into his head that he wanted to work in radio. It wasn't without reasons, of course. He joined the school radio and despite doing very little, because the school director had to know everything that would be done, even the nouns he would use in the sentence, he fell in love with the idea. That's why he decided he should study journalism in college, that way even if his radio career didn't work out, he would still have a profession.

But his dream was to work on a radio, to have his own program. So that's what he did.

He entered college as planned, sunk into student debt, and graduated exactly as he had planned. In his last semester, he got an internship at the biggest radio station in the country. He was on cloud nine. It was as if he had received the green light in life and everything was on the right track.

At least that's what he thought. At least that was what he had forced himself to believe. The internship became a permanent position and one day he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's why he never felt prepared to give anyone advice. Despite having decided on the career he wanted to pursue, he knew that he also needed to count on a little luck and help. The only words he could offer were “you work hard, study, make contacts, and throw the rest into luck’s hands”. It wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to hear when he was a student looking forward to the future, so he certainly wouldn't say it to anyone.

However, Chan convinced him that it would be a good idea to give the talk.

“You’re going to tell me how you got here, that’s all. An unknown face who quickly went on air to cover someone for one of the most beloved radio broadcasters in the country. I'm sure if you say that shit fell on your head, they'll like it” Chan had said laughing.

Overall the lecture went very well. Better than expected. He answered the questions as honestly as possible and used his best smile to get rid of the more awkward questions.

Despite the good day, he knew he didn't want to repeat the dose anytime soon.

“They want to know if you would be willing to do one of these a semester” Chan whispered because he knew the answer Seokmin would give, so it was better for the students not to hear.

“No” was all Seokmin said “But I’ll still buy you dinner”

Chan punched the air in celebration, catching the eyes of those around him, but he seemed to care very little.

"I just…"

What Seokmin was about to say, an announcement that he needed to go to the bathroom, died in his throat as he looked straight ahead.

Letter #2

Seokmin,

I thought I would be able to adapt faster here. It was very hard in the beginning with transport, getting around in general was very difficult. So I chose a weekend and went walking around the neighborhood where I live. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I thought I should check it out. Besides, I can wake up in the middle of the night and decide that I want to eat something that I don't have at home, so it's good to know if there are any stores or markets that open in the middle of the night (in this neighborhood there aren't any, maybe that's why I won’t stay here).

I discovered that going out there, although productive, wasn't such a good idea. Nothing wrong happened, I didn't get hit on or someone was rude to me. Quite the contrary, most people pretended they weren't even seeing me. The problem was that everything made me think about you.

I walked by the store that sold a lot of random old things and decided to go in. You know I love filling the house with trinkets. I didn't find anything there that I liked, but I saw that they were selling camera films. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened and all I could think was, I think Seokmin is running out of film, I need to buy more because he will only realize when he doesn't have any left.

I bought it and brought it to the apartment. I opened the door and called your name. It was only later, when I noticed where I was, that it wasn't our apartment, that I realized what I had done.

Even without meaning to, even when I try not to, I find myself looking for you. Everywhere. I go to a restaurant and think about what you would like to eat, I see a dog on the street and I imagine you bending down to pet it. It's not on purpose, I just can't help it. I try, but it's in vain.

I wonder if it will pass. Will this feeling that I succeeded in my career but ruined my personal life disappear or will I feel like this forever — or at least for a good few years?

yn.

It was as if all the air had been ripped from your lungs and there was no way in the world to get you to breathe.

Somehow, some way, Seokmin was standing in front of you, in the middle of the college hallway.

For a moment it was as if you had been transported back in time, to when you were still 22 years old. In another moment you would have simply run up to him and thrown yourself into his arms as if you hadn't spent the whole night clinging to him, as if you hadn't seen each other before classes, as if you hadn't shared the smallest space in the world on the subway for 20 minutes. And your body seemed to remember all of this, like some kind of muscle memory, because you felt like you were being projected forward. Towards him.

You thought Seokmin would talk to you, you were sure he would. But you saw the way his gaze changed, the way it went from complete surprise to a hard look, completely different from anything you had ever seen from him.

In your memory, Seokmin was always brilliant and was always willing to welcome everyone with open arms, even when he felt more shy. You didn’t understand, that look he gave you was completely different from what you imagined could happen.

When you made the decision to return, you knew that there was a possibility of meeting Seokmin, no matter how small it was. You didn't know if he was still friends with the same people, if he still kept in touch with them. You certainly hadn't kept in touch with anyone - except for the two times you talked to Joshua. The possibility existed, but being realistic you knew it was as big as winning the lottery.

Of all the places you thought you could find Seokmin, college was the last one and maybe that was even why you accepted the job. When you were taking the last tests, the ones that would say whether you would graduate at the end of the semester or not, Seokmin was categorical in saying that he would never set foot inside college again. So you thought it was a place he would never go, but there he was. And in your first week, when you needed everything to go well. Not to show that you were ready and that you could do the job, but to reassure yourself that you had made the right choice in accepting the job.

You didn't have time to decide whether to talk to him or not. Seokmin made the decision for both of you. He continued walking as if you weren't there, talking to the boy next to him, laughing. The only indication that he knew who you were was silent once and one that only you could distinguish.

He turned around and left as if nothing had happened.

Was it possible that only you had felt that way? That just your heart had decided it didn't know how to beat, as if a storm was raging inside your body?

You didn't have time to analyze what had just happened. You just forced yourself to take a deep breath and also keep walking as if those brief seconds weren't enough to make your entire world turn completely upside down.

Seokmin dragged his feet into the room, tripping over the rug at the foot of the bed. A curse came out of his mouth, followed by a burp. When he invited Chan to dinner he had no intention of ending the night drunk, being carried home like someone who had just had his first drink.

It had been years since he had gotten that bad and it was comical that the previous occasion was also connected to you.

The memory of leaving you at the airport, on a flight in the middle of the night, was still vivid in Seokmin's mind. Worse than that memory, was the one of you telling him that you had gotten a place in a master's degree on the other side of the world, 18 hours before leaving the country.

“I need to tell you something” you said as he pulled his coat over his head and patted his pockets, making sure he had grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, he was already late.

Seokmin had plans to ask you to marry him. He had rented a house where you could spend the weekend, where it would be possible to see the stars. He had prepared himself, but he needed to leave right that second so he would have enough time to go to the house, get everything ready and come back to get you. The owner of the house would help him, since Seokmin decided that he wouldn't tell any of his friends because they might just ruin the surprise.

“I'm already late” he said, quickly looking at his watch. "Did something happen?"

He asked, noticing your already somewhat desperate look. He knew that whatever had happened couldn't be good.

To be honest, he had noticed that something was wrong a few weeks before, and for a while, he decided it would be better not to get into it too much. He knew you well enough to know that you would offer the information when you felt ready to do so. But thinking back on everything, he wished he had asked before, he wished he hadn't given you space, he wished he had forced you to talk to him sooner.

“I passed my master’s degree abroad”

Seokmin’s first reaction was to be happy for you. He knew how much you wanted that, that it was your dream. So he did what any boyfriend would do, he hugged you and congratulated you, told you that you had tried so hard and that they would be idiots not to accept you. The feeling was true and his smile was genuine. He was happy for you.

Knowing what he knew, every now and then Seokmin wondered if he would have done anything differently if he knew what the next words would be out of your mouth. He could have made a fuss, he could have begged you to stay, he could have offered to go with you. But at the time he didn't do any of that.

“I’m leaving today, I need to be at the airport at 11 pm”

Seokmin's ears rang deafeningly. It was as if he had been punched and needed to brace himself against something. The sofa was the closest piece of furniture.

He thought he heard it wrong, he wished he was dreaming, but all he had to do was look at you. It was true. It was as if a puzzle was being completed in Seokmin's mind. The way you had suddenly become distant, how every time he entered the room you hurried to change or close whatever you were looking at on the computer. He didn't even know you signed up. He imagined that you must have done some kind of test, some interview and he didn't even know anything about it.

He had no idea.

Had he been a bad boyfriend, someone who was so focused on making the long-awaited proposal that he had ignored everything else? Or had you hidden it so well that he hadn't noticed?

"What? You’re leaving today?"

It was like the world was spinning too fast and he was trying to keep up with what was happening. It was like being on a roller coaster that kept on falling. He remembered well how the little box with the ring he had carefully chosen weighed in his pocket.

“I didn’t even know you had applied for a position” he whispered, almost just to himself “You didn’t tell me”

And it was at that exact moment, when he looked at you, that Seokmin realized that your relationship was over. You avoided looking at him, your hands were buried deep in the pockets of your coat, which was his. He saw your eyes fill with tears, you swallow hard, and remain silent.

It was unlike you, to stay quiet when you had too many things going through your head. He desperately wanted you to talk to him, to tell him what had been going through your head. He just wanted to understand. Did you believe he would somehow stop you from going? If there was one thing he knew about you, it was the fact that you always put your education first. It wasn't a secret and you didn't want it to be. He just didn't expect things to happen that way.

Seokmin sat in front of the closet, on the floor, and with difficulty opened the doors. Deep in the back, behind several shoe boxes, were two old boxes that he hadn't moved in years. Part of him wished the things inside the boxes were ruined, that they had mold and anything else that could ruin its content. But he had been careful, kept everything in order, taken all necessary precautions, and cleaned the closet periodically.

He ignored the first box and pulled the smaller one towards him, placing it on his bent legs. Seokmin wasn't one to revisit those memories, he liked to keep them as far away from him as possible, but on nights like those, it was impossible.

Seokmin knew what he would find and was sure how he would feel, but he still took the lid off the box, but he didn't dare take out any of the items inside it.

He knew he had reached his lowest point when he was holding on to memories he had of you and not focusing on what was actually happening in his life.

Letter #3

Seokmin,

I talked to Joshua today. Talk is a bit too strong of a word. We exchanged a few words on Instagram. He posted a photo and I liked it, he sent me a DM asking if I was ok and how things were going. I lied, of course. He said everything was fine and he was happy. He didn't talk about you and I didn't ask.

It was very hard to contain myself. I want to know how you are. The more selfish part of my brain wants you to be just as bad as I feel. You know that little demon that sits on our shoulder? He assures me you're even worse. And I hate to think that's the case, but at the same time, I'm sure you're not okay. I know you, we dated for four years, we lived together for almost two years

You were always the more emotional one of the two of us. You were never afraid to show your feelings, not for me or anyone else. You always loved so openly, without any fear. I admit that at first, it scared me a little.

I was an 18-year-old girl who came from a family that had no idea how to show affection, so I was always more reserved in that aspect. And there you were with your beautiful, bright smile, with open arms, affectionate with anyone who came along. I thought you were a crazy person who didn't have the slightest notion of the world. It took a while for me to realize that your world was brighter than mine in ways I couldn't understand.

You were always so untethered, free, showing yourself to anyone who had eyes. When I was closed and more reclusive, you were open and expansive. When I was very shy or reserved, you were more charming and brighter than usual. Not even my worst mood, which seemed endless at times, was a problem for you.

One day you just showed up and decided that you would stay by my side, no matter what. Believe me when I say, I tried to push you away. But with each passing day you were further under my skin.

A kiss at a random party turned into a date at every party, parties became meetings at the college library, which led to coffee dates. One day you decided at the end of each date you had to take me back to the dorms and you kissed me for a long time on the side of the building where no one could see — or at least I made myself believe no one did. Then that alone wasn't enough and you were always with your fingers intertwined with mine, or your arm around my waist. And kisses were no longer reserved for empty streets, of course not. You kissed me anywhere, anytime, no matter who was watching.

You were sneaky, Seokmin.

When I realized it, I was in love with you. Your arms were my refuge. You were my safe space. My home.

yn.

You hated that Seokmin’s reaction, or lack thereof, had gotten to you so much. It was like being punched, and then one more, soon the punch became a beating and to finish with a flourish, it was as if a truck had run over you.

You had plans to go out at the weekend, though alone. Everything was so different, the places you knew no longer existed and friends from the past no longer spoke to you. You would have to rediscover the city without anyone's help. Despite your plans, you couldn't bring yourself to leave the house.

When you decided to return, you knew there would be no way to escape Seokmin. He had become successful not only in his career as a broadcaster but also as a celebrity of sorts. You never imagined you would see his face in magazines or on billboards selling fried chicken. You didn't expect that when you turned on the TV you would see his face in different programs.

In fact, you knew all of that was happening, but somehow you managed to convince yourself that you wouldn't have to see any of it. You managed to make yourself believe that you would not be haunted by his images and voice.

When you were away, you always listened to his programs, more than once each one, but it was almost like a relationship between fan and celebrity. You could separate very well what was him and what was you. But being there, in the same country, in the same city, it was much more difficult to make that separation.

Because once you were back, Seokmin was no longer just the radio host with a show about relationships. Far from it. Seokmin was your college sweetheart, the guy whose heart you broke but who, even after seven years, was still in love with.

That was the reality. you were still in love with him. There was no relationship in the world, no man in the world, that would have made you forget about Seokmin. Sometimes it worked, sometimes you managed to forget about him for a few months and that feeling of loss, of emptiness, that had settled deep inside your heart became smaller and smaller. And then it would come back full on as if it had never left.

Maybe that was your curse, your punishment for leaving behind someone you could have spent the rest of your life with. And somehow you knew you would have been happy. Or at least a different kind of happiness.

After spending the weekend holed up inside your apartment, after convincing yourself that you needed to prepare for teaching classes and unpacking the move, she decided that on Tuesday night she would explore the city.

Exploring wasn't the right word. You had discovered that one of your favorite restaurants still existed, it had just changed location. And, despite being on the other side of the city and being completely aware that you would have to pay a fortune for a taxi or risk taking the subway alone almost at closing time, you decided to go anyway.

You needed to feel like one thing hadn't changed, or at least still be recognizable.

You heard your name being called a few minutes after sitting down. You raised your head, recognizing the voice, but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Directly in front of you was a woman, with short hair, in her fifties.

“It’s really you!”

You stood up and a second later you were being hugged. Maybe you had gone there for that reason, knowing that there would be someone there who would recognize you. Or at least you hoped there was. And when you were welcomed with open arms by her owner, Niah, you wanted to cry for the first time in a long time.

“Hi” was all you could offer, your voice weak.

You quickly turned your face away, trying to be discreet as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of someone else. Tears were reserved for dark moments in the silence of your apartment, they weren't meant to be seen by people you didn't even know in a crowded restaurant.

“Look how beautiful you look. You haven't been around for so long. Seokmin told us that you had gone abroad to study, but I thought you would come back sooner.”

You just managed to smile, even though it was embarrassing. It was strange to hear his name coming out of someone else's mouth so easily. For years, his name was just an echo in your own mind, almost as if it were a fantasy of yours.

There were days when you managed to convince yourself of this, that Seokmin was nothing more than a dream.

“Are you just visiting or are you back to stay?”

“I'm staying” you said after a second, when you managed to find your voice again “I got a job here, I have nowhere to run”

Niah laughed and hugged you once again, tighter this time.

"Great, that makes me happy. We always miss you” Niah smiled and ran her fingers down your cheeks, brushing away some tears that were stubborn to fall “What do you want to eat? Today it's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift.”

You took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in your throat and the remaining tears.

"What do you recommend?"

The amazing thing about meeting Niah again was that she still acted exactly the same way. She didn't see you as someone who had simply packed a suitcase of clothes and left the country overnight. To Niah you were still that same person from 7 years ago who ate whatever she put in front of. You and Seokmin were always guinea pigs for all the new recipes.

The food was still wonderful, if anything it had just gotten better.

You had a fork halfway to your mouth when you heard the door open, the sound of the bell indicating the entry of a new customer. You almost instinctively turned to look. You choked on your own saliva when your eyes met Seokmin's.

It was as if you were back in the hallway that day. Your heart simply stopped, and the world fell into suspension. For a moment, it was as if you had been transported to the past. You were almost certain that if you looked at the table you would see books open next to the cutlery; you knew that if you looked at Seokmin for another second or two his face would break into the most beautiful smile, he would wave and call your name.

But your illusion shattered into small pieces as his neutral expression contorted into a frown. With the same foot he entered he turned to leave.

“Seokmin!” you called him, getting up from your chair.

Part of you thought he was going to continue out the door, but he stopped. Half of his body was outside the restaurant, the other inside.

“Hurry up and close that door!” Niah said leaving the kitchen “You’re letting out all the heat”

Even with Niah's voice calling him, Seokmin remained standing at the door. You sat back down, but without taking your eyes off him. He didn't know what he expected of him, but he felt an indescribable relief when Niah pulled him by the sleeve of his coat and forced him to sit in front of you.

“The restaurant is packed, so you will have to share a table” she said as she turned her back.

Seokmin shook his head, clearly against sitting there, staying in the restaurant, but he still took off his coat and hung it on the chair before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was clear he was working out, his shoulders had gotten broader and his arms bigger since you last saw each other. You almost laughed at the pose, remembering all the times you had seen him in a similar situation. But this wasn't the time to laugh when everything else was screaming that he was uncomfortable with the situation, that he didn't want to be there.

It didn't take a genius to know that Seokmin wanted nothing to do with you. His reaction to seeing you in the hallway the week before and the way he was looking at you in that moment were enough answers.

You felt like the walls were closing in around you and there wasn't enough air in the room.

What were you thinking when you called his name? What were you thinking when you silently watched Niah pull him inside? Why were you still sitting there?

A waiter who worked with Niah passed by your table and you called him discreetly, not wanting to attract the attention of the restaurant owner.

“Can you wrap everything to go, please?” you turned to Seokmin “You can have the table. I was already leaving”

It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.

Seokmin laughed lowly, scornfully, his sideways smile making the hair on your arms stand on end. In general, Seokmin has always been the type of guy who didn’t lose his cool easily, who would always rather let things go than have any kind of confrontation. But when he really got stressed out or nervous, it took a while for him to calm down again.

You had seen that storm in his eyes very few times in the years you spent together. The last one was when he went to the airport to say goodbye to you. That day the storm was just confusion and pain, you knew you had done that to him. But he sat there in the restaurant, in front of you, in silence while the people around him chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to what was happening between the two of you.

"What it was?" you rolled your eyes.

“Ah, nothing” he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture “It’s just like you to do that”

You narrowed your eyes at the same time you felt your cheeks get hot.

"Do what?"

"Runaway"

Letter #4

Seokmin,

It took me almost a year to convince myself that it was okay for me to look at social media. I convinced myself that every woman does this, that every now and then we look at our ex-boyfriend's Instagram, just to find out if his new girlfriend is ugly. I've told you this several times, but every female experience is universal.

I wish you were one of those low profile people, who post a picture every 6 months and it's a cut mango on a pretty plate. I wish you hadn't posted so many pictures. But more than anything, I wish I hadn't spent hours and hours looking at the photos. I wish I hadn't been analyzing every photo of you, I wish I hadn't thought “that's a new mole” and wondered which others had appeared since the last time we saw each other.

I had memorized every mole of yours. On your face, on your arms, on your back. On the worst days, when I missed you in a way that almost made me give up everything and go home, I kept remembering each one of them. I tried to remember the sound of your laugh, your voice, how you stroked my hair until I fell asleep when it wasn't a good day.

I keep wondering if one day this feeling will just go away.

It's been a year since I left. I went out with other guys, and I almost dated one of them, but you're always there in the back of my mind, almost comically because even against my will I can't help but compare them to you. I can't help but think that only you know how I like my coffee, how only you know that if I'm in my worst mood, there's no joke in the world that can make me laugh.

I know it's not fair to them. I gave you the chance to get to know me, I allowed you to get closer. I wanted you to come closer to me. Now I wonder if you're doing this for someone other than me.

I like to imagine that you also compare other women to me, that even now that you're dating I stay there, in the back of your mind, making fun of you.

Unfortunately, she's not ugly, but your smile was brighter when I was next to you.

yn.

To say that Seokmin had spent the rest of the week in an envious mood was an understatement. He was stressed and everyone around him soon noticed the change. He really tried not to let his personal life get in the way of his work. It was something he never struggled with. Work was work, what happened when the lights went out and he left the radio should never cross paths with each other. That week, however, it was impossible.

Meeting you at the restaurant caught him off guard. That day in the college hallway had been difficult, but he managed to just keep walking as if nothing had happened. He liked to pretend like he hadn't gone out with Chan right after and drank like there was no tomorrow, like he hadn't opened the boxes he had kept for years and cried while looking at the photos of the two of you together.

He had gone to the restaurant that day because he needed some form of comfort and didn't want to call any of his friends because he knew he would end up telling them everything that happened and would receive advice and words he would rather not hear. The restaurant was the best idea he had. Or maybe the worst possible one.

Maybe he had done it consciously, because he wanted to see you one more time, and wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined you. It wouldn't have been the first time.

In the first few months after you left, Seokmin got into the habit of visiting places he went with you, or places you liked to go alone. It was probably a form of torture, but he liked to imagine it was a way to forget and overcome the breakup. On several of those days, he believed he saw you. He realistically knew it wasn't you, he clearly remembered seeing you get on the plane and waited until it took off to leave the airport.

The worst thing that could have happened to him was you calling for him. Seokmin couldn't help but wonder if he had always reacted that way to you, if your presence was always so great that before he even saw you he knew you were nearby. That day, as soon as he opened the door, before he even saw you sitting there with your eyes wide open, he knew. He knew you were there.

The last thing he expected from you was you saying his name, as if asking him to sit with you, that Niah, knowing how the relationship had ended, would have made him sit in front of you.

Seokmin noticed your discomfort, the way your spine had become a little straighter, the way your eyes were hard and cautious at the same time. Your reaction made him angry. What right did you have to behave that way, as if you were hurt when all the decisions regarding a relationship both of you were in had been made by you?

You were the one who signed up for a master's degree abroad. It was you who never told him about your decision. It was you who kept everything secret, making him believe that the two of you were on the same page and that despite your different goals, you would be able to pursue them together.

Turns out he was wrong, those dreams were just his and didn't include him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked for the thousandth time.

For the first time in a long time, Seokmin was having a hard time hiding how he really felt. That polished, carefully carved mask had fallen. It was a completely atypical day and everyone was able to notice his sudden change in mood. Even Chan, who normally did a great job of ignoring all the problems around him and focusing solely on his work, seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

“It’s really obvious, isn’t it?” Seokmin asked in a low voice and Chan just nodded "And if I pretend it's because of the new segment, will anyone believe it?"

Again, Chan nodded. Since he had started the program, 3 years before, Seokmin would receive calls and speak directly to listeners. Although there were always interactions, those were always done through live chat and email when he received questions or stories from people who were not listening to the program when it was airing.

Seokmin wasn't nervous about the idea, he was actually excited. Chan knew this and knew that whatever the problem was, it was still the same as the day of the lecture. He didn't want to ask, and he didn't want to seem invasive, but he still wanted to make sure Seokmin was okay — or at least, well enough to do the program.

“I think everyone is already thinking that” was a lie and even Seokmin knew it, but he was grateful.

“You may already know this, but today we will start a new segment. We'll call it the heart to heart helpline, at least until we find a better name at least” Seokmin's voice and laugh resonated through the taxi “We'll take your calls and some of you will be able to talk to me and ask your questions live, instead of by chat. Each person will have a maximum of 2 minutes and we will answer 6 calls today”

You had left the house completely willing to avoid anything related to Seokmin. Realistically, you knew you couldn't do anything about the billboards and his face at bus stops, but you could very well avoid his radio show. And for a few weeks you had managed to do just that.

That day at the restaurant had almost been a cathartic moment. Somehow, it was as if something had clicked and fallen into place. The Seokmin you left behind no longer existed. It had been a naive thought to think so. You didn't expect that he would still be exactly the same person, of course not. Seven years had passed and Seokmin, like you, was approaching his thirties. Obviously, many things had changed, but you still expected to see traces of that 22-year-old boy you had known and loved.

You didn't spend more than five minutes with him at that table. And it was much more than enough. He had accused you of running away, of continuing to do this for years. Of course, that could be his view on everything, but it was never your intention. The only problem was that you hadn't been able to tell him those things. You had been so lost and so completely helpless in front of him that you had forgotten that you knew how to speak and form sentences.

You had spent years of your life writing letters to him, letters that he would never read, but that was beside the point. You wrote letters as a way to appease the emptiness you felt in your heart. You never, not for a second, thought you were running away. You never wanted to run away, but Seokmin seemed to believe you did.

In a sudden burst of anger, you took your phone out of your bag and dialed the number Seokmin spoke on the radio. You didn't expect your call to go through. In fact, you didn't even know what you expected.

“Please wait a minute, we will connect your call” a non-robotic voice said as you paid for the taxi.

Seokmin was still chatting animatedly with a listener who didn't have a real question, but who “just wanted to say that I really liked your show and that I’m a fan.” It was impossible not to roll your eyes. If she, and everyone else, knew how much of a complete asshole he could be just because he had the opportunity, they would never want to see his face again.

Or maybe they would team up against you in favor of the immaculate Seokmin. God knew how easily a man could turn public opinion in his favor with a beautiful smile. And God was also a witness that Seokmin's smile was simply wonderful, one that took your breath away, one that made you smile along because it was contagious.

“Welcome to the heart to heart helpline” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your ear “What’s your question?”

You didn't really think that your call would get through to Seokmin, you didn't think the signal would be good enough inside the elevator, but none of that seemed to be a problem.

“Hello, can you hear me?” he asked.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You knew you were going really crazy, but you decided to throw caution out the window and be the crazy person everyone used to believe you were.

“Yes, I’m here” you could have sworn, that even over the phone, you felt Seokmin tense up “It’s a question about an old relationship, we broke up years ago, if that’s okay”

You struggled with your keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible. You needed to get to your computer or tablet, whichever was closer. It was almost a physical necessity to see Seokmin's reaction to your voice, your question.

You always knew how to tell if he was truly calm or if he was masking what he was feeling. You wanted to know if you still had any other sort of effect on him. Whatever it was, it was better than angry disdain.

“Old relationships should stay in the past, don’t you think?” he finally said.

You nodded as you ran into your room. You knew you would find the tablet under your pillow — you were sure that if your mother saw it she would say that your brain would explode due to the radiation from the device. With a few taps, you opened the stream of Seokmin's program.

“I think so. But the problem is that we keep seeing each other. I don’t think it’s something either of us want, but it seems inevitable.”

You turned the sound off, you just wanted to focus on his reactions. Seokmin swallowed hard, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on the microphone in front of him. To anyone, it just seemed like he was concentrating on the call, on what the person on the other end of the line had to say, but you knew very well that it was to hide his reactions.

"Your question?"

“Well, he called me selfish and said I ran away when we broke up, but that's not exactly what happened. I wanted to talk to him, but I don’t think he wants to listen to me.”

Seokmin took a deep breath and seemed to think about what to say next, his eyes no longer on the microphone, but on the ceiling.

“And why does he think that about you? You probably gave him reasons, don't you think? I don’t think anyone would think that about someone without anything having happened.”

“I always dreamed of studying abroad, so when the opportunity came, I went. I…"

“Did you tell him you were going?” Seokmin clenched his fists on the desk, his fingers gripped the pen in his hand tightly until his knuckles were white. “Did you give him a chance to say something or did you just walk away?”

You were speechless, eyes focused only on Seokmin. The way his hair perfectly framed his face, his sculpted thin nose. He was still exactly like he was seven years ago, just somehow different. He was the same, but he also wasn't.

You hadn't given him the chance to say anything, you had just walked away, but because you believed it was the best thing to do. You would have stayed if he had asked, I would have aborted all of your plans for him,

“Long distance relationships don’t work” you said finally, your voice lower “especially when there’s an ocean separating people”

“I'm going to guess and say that you were together for a while because I don't think anyone would care that much about a quick relationship” his voice became more sober, completely in control of his emotions, the opposite of what you felt, like you were enclosed every second that passed “I agree with you, long-distance relationships don’t work. Different cities are already complicated, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone who lives in another country. You didn't give many details, but I believe he had reasons to feel that way, just as you had your reasons for leaving without warning. I think the best thing for both of you is to let it fall into oblivion. It makes no sense for either of you to dwell on these feelings. Maybe your desire to talk exists because you think you've left things open with him, but he may think that what's in the past shouldn't be remembered. Maybe you're just a bad relationship he wants to forget.”

Letter #5

Seokmin

I found out by chance that you now have your own radio show. One day it was an empty slot in the schedule and the next it was your voice. To my joy and delight, it was one of those programs that also had video streaming. I say joy and delight in a very ironic way.

But I'm not lying when I say I'm happy for you. You always said it was your dream and in a way, here we are, achieving our dreams. It would have been better if we could have lived through this together, I think. Maybe if that were the case I wouldn't have this empty feeling inside my chest.

But I discovered a long time ago that I can't keep crying over spilled milk. I left and you moved on with your life. They were conscious choices, I knew what I was doing. I knew that making this choice would have hurt both of us, but I also knew that we could overcome it. It's just taking longer than expected. I honestly thought that by this point, so many years later, we would have been able to live as if the past were just that, the past.

But it's not like that for me or for you.

I may be completely crazy, but your show is about love advice and how to deal with heartbreak. Sometimes, when I hear you talk, I'm sure you've already dealt with all your feelings, after all, you've had other girlfriends. But there are other moments, when you answer a question or when you read one of the pre-written texts when I'm sure that what you said applies directly to what we both had.

I'm going crazy, aren't I?

It's been four years since I left. I already finished my master's degree and started my PhD, exactly as planned. I have a date tonight with a guy who seems genuinely nice, but here I am, writing yet another letter that will never be sent to the guy I was in love with.

What am I still doing?

Seokmin had always believed that for a relationship to truly end there must be no trace of it anywhere. When he told his listeners that they should get rid of items, it was not a lie. He was just terrible at following his own advice. The old story of do as I say, not as I do.

Finally, he decided it was time to take his own advice. With a little pain and resentment added to the mix, of course. At this point, he wondered if he could already be considered a masochist or if he still had a few boxes to tick to get the title.

Getting your address had been easier than expected. All he had to do was ask Niah, who offered the information without any resistance.

“Being thirty didn't make either of you any smarter,” she said as she leaned across the table and wrote the address on the napkin.

“Almost thirty” he felt the need to correct her, but decided he would ignore the hidden message in her words.

Seokmin never stopped going to Niah's restaurant. It was there that he had cried his sorrows over the cheapest drinks possible, he didn't have the money to pay for the good ones, while Joshua tried to console him. He had never seen Niah so stressed and angry. She hadn't said anything, but you could clearly hear the sound of her cutting the vegetables more aggressively than necessary.

Little by little she became calmer about the situation and started talking about you with the same affection as before. Seokmin always thought she had somehow kept in touch with you, or at least found a way to get your number or a way to contact you. At first, he had been angry, but somehow he believed he didn't have that right. It was only after a year that Seokmin decided to ask and the answer he received was “if I still had contact with her, I would have already screamed at her about disappearing without telling anyone”.

Asking Niah for your address was the only option he had. He refused to go to college, where you worked. He didn't know what would happen, whether you would be friendly with each other or the conversation would end in a shouting match just because. Because after years of no contact and considering the way things ended, it was pretty obvious that resentment could resurface — at least Seokmin had resentment up to his neck and knew that not releasing them all at once required almost inhuman self-control.

He looked at the building one more time before getting out of the car. It was one of those without a doorman. Seokmin knew that if he rang and asked to be let in, the probability of being sent to hell was very high. So he pulled up his cap down and covered as much of his face as he could while he balanced the boxes on his arms.

He stood there like a madman for almost twenty minutes until someone finally left the building. Seokmin felt like he was committing a crime when he slipped through the door before it closed. Even though the feeling was strange he made himself believe it was the only option he had and he really didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted to return your things and, hopefully, arrange that if you ever met again, you’d simply pretend you don't know each other, instead of talking nonsense to each other.

Seokmin took a deep breath once before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps and a second later the door opened.

When you imagined what your Wednesday night would be like, the only option that crossed your mind was to order a pizza and watch a movie — the random option of Netflix seemed like your best friend and the only possible option because you weren't even able to choose what to watch by yourself.

Not even in your wildest daydreams could you have imagined that Seokmin would show up at your door with two boxes in his hand.

You were partially tempted to close the door on his face, but you knew that doing so would only make the whole situation worse. If Seokmin, who clearly didn't have any good feelings about you, was standing there at your door it was because he had something to say. Or more precisely to hand it over to you, considering the boxes in his arms.

Silently you stepped aside so he had enough room to enter. You wanted to slap yourself for the complete war zone that your living room was in. You were still unpacking the moving boxes, not that you had taken much with you. It was too expensive to send things from one country to another, especially furniture. You had only focused on your clothes and books and a few things you wanted to keep, and that alone was more than you were willing to spend. In addition to the boxes, you had all the things you still had to buy, but you still didn't have the mind to do it.

You had so much going through your head that cleaning the apartment was just another task you wanted to avoid. But it was one that could be left for later. In the few minutes that Seokmin spent there, you wished you had tidied it up, that he hadn't seen how that room represented your life at that moment: a complete mess.

"What are you doing here?" you finally asked when you managed to get your vocal cords to work properly.

Seokmin didn't seem to care about the mess but paid attention to everything else around him.

He placed the boxes on the counter and took off his cap, pressing the brims with his fingertips looking for what to say next. He had rehearsed an almost poetic speech in the car, something about being adults and how your relationship had ended a long time ago, so neither of you should have any regrets left. But the moment you opened the door and looked at him it was as if all the words had simply evaporated from his mind, as if he had never learned to speak in the first place.

It had always been that way with you. Sometimes when he looked at you, even when you were still together, he got lost. He was like a man adrift who had finally found solid land. It was as if he heard a click and the world started to move once again.

One of his favorite things, when you were dating and living together, was being able to come home after an exhausting day and see you sitting on the sofa in the living room, your computer on your lap, while you studied, occasionally shouting profanities at the computer. On those days, Seokmin would simply push the computer away and lay his head on your lap.

“Just five minutes” he used to say with his eyes closed.

You’d laugh, fingers immediately running through his hair, as if it was the most natural movement in the world.

“Who do you want me to insult today? You know my vocabulary is very colorful.”

How many times had he slept in that position, without meaning to, and you had to drag him to bed because “it's comfortable for you, but my legs are numb and you have to take a shower, you won't sleep dirty next to me, sir”.

It was impossible not to wonder where it all went wrong.

“I came to return your things” he pointed at the boxes.

You suppressed the urge to bend down and rummage through the boxes. You wanted to know what he had kept, what he considered important enough to keep for so many years. You knew he no longer lived in the apartment you shared. When you were looking for apartments you saw that that one was up for rent. It was necessary to restrain yourself from choosing it. It wasn't a good apartment, at least not at the time — the photos on the website said the property had undergone renovations two years earlier and had no tenants since. It wasn't big, it barely fit one person, but it was what your extremely limited budget could afford at the time. Somehow you and Seokmin turned that small space into a home full of life. Of love.

In the places where you lived, you bought all kinds of trinkets to fill the space, furniture you didn't need and never used, hoping to imitate, for even a second, the feeling you had in that little 35 square meter apartment.

You never quite managed to do that.

“Thank you” you said sincerely “I thought all my things had gone in the trash”

You laughed and Seokmin squeezed the back of his head and pointed at the boxes.

“I sold what I could, I didn't want to put it in storage because I really thought we would never see each other again. The money is in an envelope”

“Why did you keep all this?” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself “You should have thrown it away or, since you sold it, you should have spent the money”

Seokmin had asked himself that question several times before, sober or not, and he never had an answer. After a while, he simply stopped questioning and accepted it as something he had to do, to have some kind of sanity. It didn’t. Knowing that those boxes were inside his wardrobe, having to go through them the two times he moved, only brought back memories that he would like to forget.

Ever since you had seen each other again for the first time, memories that Seokmin had struggled to bury came to the surface as if they had just happened. He started to dream about you, dreams that range from memories to things that never actually happened, he started to wonder if it would be okay to talk with someone. His brain always screamed NO, so he was stuck just dreaming.

“I don’t have a good enough reason. It is what it is, I guess,” he said.

The last time Seokmin felt so embarrassed around you was right when you met and even then it only lasted a few minutes. The 18 year old Seokmin was much braver than the 29 year old man in front of him.

That boy, without any guilt or remorse, would have asked every question that could cross his mind. You’d say “your mind is beautiful, it even echoes sometimes”. Seokmin wanted to still have some of that boy's strength. Maybe that was the only way to know what he wanted. He wouldn't ask and he knew you wouldn't offer the information to him without being pressured.

“I think in the end, we both got what we wanted.”

You realized you said the wrong thing when you looked at Seokmin’s hands. A second before he was clutching his cap until his knuckles turned white, the next his long fingers were still. You didn't want to see the expression on his face. You knew what you’d find. You messed up, but couldn’t take back what you said.

“You got what you wanted” Seokmin corrected you, his voice firm, his tone hard.

“You always wanted to have a radio show”

“No, I wanted you. I could adapt to everything else if it meant I would have you.”

You shook your head. You knew it wasn't true. Hell, even Seokmin knew it wasn’t true. The first time you talked, Seokmin mentioned how much he wanted to be a radio host and have his own show, of any kind. I don't have a preference, I know I can give anything my own colors. You felt envious of his certainty, of the way he knew he could do it.

“The show has always been your dream” you tried again, despite knowing it was in vain to argue with him.

“My dream was to have a life by your side. You never, not once, told me that you signed up to study abroad, you never even mentioned it. When it was time to go you just got on a plane and disappeared. You never even gave me the chance to follow you. I could have been a journalist anywhere in the world”

Seokmin hated the direction of that conversation, hated being so exposed in front of you after so many years. In the past, it wasn't a problem. Before he wanted to be exposed in front of you, he wanted to share everything he was, every aspect of himself with you. No more. The problem was that he couldn't just stop. A gate was opened and there was no way to close it.

“So, what? Would we both be living based on our dreams? Because this is a dream, and you know it very well.”

You clung to the top rail of the chair, your head lolling forward in an almost futile attempt to stop him from seeing the tears forming in your eyes. You knew you couldn't hold them.

You weren't the type of person who cried often, you did what you could to avoid it, but when the tears came it was impossible to simply stop them from falling.

“Yeah, maybe I was really dreaming, because I believed that you loved me in the same proportion, but it’s quite obvious that you didn’t”

Seven years of pent-up frustration couldn't just disappear, he should have known. He should have imagined that going there would be a problem, that being in the same space as you without any kind of interference was a mistake. But he was still there and there was no way to escape. It was better to end everything quickly than to keep those feelings for another seven years in the hopes of one day being able to say something.

Seokmin watched as you went to one of the boxes in the corner of the room and opened it forcefully, tearing the cardboard, and causing some of the contents to slide across the floor. He felt his body freeze as a roll of film stopped at his feet.

“So explain to me, why do I buy a roll of film every time I pass by a store?” you put both hands inside the box and took out several rolls of film, of different brands and models. “Explain to me, why have I followed your career all this time and never missed a damn show in the last 3 years? Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to watch the broadcast and then listen to the show again while going to work because I just wanted to hear your voice?”

You walked to another box, but you opened this one a little more carefully as if wanting to protect the contents.

“Why did I spend 7 years writing letters that would never be read to a guy I never loved?”

You threw several envelopes at Seokmin’s chest. Your face and body shook out of anger or another feeling he couldn't quite tell.

Seokmin bent down to pick up one of the envelopes from the floor. His name was written in your careful handwriting. He didn't need to look at all the other ones to know that they were also addressed to him. He didn't know how many letters were scattered on the floor, or if there were any left in the box. The only thing he was sure of was that he had no idea how to proceed.

“If that doesn’t say I loved you, if that doesn’t say I still love you, I don’t know what the fuck does.”

Seokmin saw the first tear run down your face and fell silent. He knew he should turn his back, he knew he should walk away, just like you did seven years before. Instead, he took four steps in your direction, his eyes never left your heaving chest and the tears that ran freely over your cheeks.

At that moment he knew that he only had two options: he could turn around and leave, he gave you back your things that alone made his plan a success; or he could kiss you like he had been wanting to since the moment he saw you again.

To hell with his plan.

Seokmin held your face in his hands and pulled you to him, crashing his lips on yours. It was an all too new feeling but also familiar, almost like coming to a remodeled home. It was him and it was you, if only it was just that simple.

You sighed into him, your arms wrapping around his slim waist while your hand balled a fist full of his shirt. There were so many moments where you wished you could be right in that spot, again in his arms. Dreams and daydreams, wishful thinking, whatever you could call it. Thoughts of Seokmin had always been a constant in your mind. It was impossible not to compare other people you went out with to him.

Your longest relationship had been one of almost a full year. Although the beginning had been good and easy, with you somehow managing to avoid any and all Seokmin related dreams and thoughts, it turned sour the second he crossed your mind.

“Seokmin, I…”

He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes so intense that it was difficult to keep looking at him.

“Let’s not overthink it, okay?” was all he said.

You held his face for a couple, searching for something in his features, anything at all, that could indicate that the moment wasn’t for that. But all you saw in him was the same emotions you felt, the same need and desire.

You pulled Seokmin to you again, this time hungrier, your chest pressed to his. Your mind was loud telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing that, why having him so close to you was truly the most dangerous situation you could possibly put yourself in. But all of those voices, all of those words and thoughts were silenced the moment he kissed you again.

His lips were hungry, demanding all of you. And it was so easy to just give in to him, to his hands roaming on your body, down your back until he reached your ass. He gave it a light squeeze and ran his hand back up again, this time under your shirt. You moaned softly at the contact of his skin on yours, as he kissed your neck, bitting on the exact same spot he found years before.

He smiled over your skin.

“At least this hasn’t changed”

It was all too much but not nearly enough. Just having him that close to you was dizzying enough but him touching you and enjoying the fact that you were just as weak for him at twenty nine made you never want to let go of him again.

“Where’s your room?”

You took Seokmin by the hand, guiding him through the narrow corridor.

Your room was barely a room to begin with. You had no furniture except for the mattress lying on the floor, your clothes were either on the suitcase or on the chair on the side.

“This is unlike you” Seokmin said, his chest pressed to your back while he nibbled on the skin of your neck.

“I… hm… I” you sturred a little when he bit into a particularly sensitive spot, making him chuckle “I’m waiting on delivery”

Seokmin turned you around in his arms while lightly pushing you down on the mattress. His eyes never left yours as he ran his hand under your shirt, moving the fabric up until your chest was exposed.

It had been so long since you had been with anyone, it was almost like a reflex to want to pull your shirt back down. Since him, it had been hard to just let yourself be exposed to someone like that. You had become awfully aware of your body and things you never cared for or paid attention to before suddenly became worries. You didn't like that insecure version of yourself but when Seokmin cupped your breast in his hand his touch was almost solemn.

It was probably the worst timing in the world when you felt tears burn on the back of your eyes. You pulled his face to yours again, trying to hide your tears from him once again.

Suddenly, his touch was tender when he pushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingers careful.

Seokmin moved down on your body. When you saw his fingers on the waistband of shorts you lifted your hips off of the mattress to help him move the fabric down quicker.

He kissed your hips and inner thigh. You moaned in anticipation, your hand taking a fist full of his soft hair. When his lips finally found your clit it was like fireworks erupted behind your closed eyelids.

Seokmin was impossibly hard in his pants, embarrassingly so like he was a teenager having his first time.

He never thought that he would have you in his arms again and yet there you were in front of him, no reservations. Just for him. And for a moment it was like his brain was in short circuit, the small electric waves running all over his body, down to his toes.

He licked a path from your cunt to your clit. He went down on you almost in desperation, his nose brushing on your clit every now and then.

"Seokmin..." his name was barely a whisper in your lips, but it was also a chant.

Your orgasm hits you quickly, leaving you short of air and with shaky legs. You were spiraling in the most enticing way possible. It didn't stop Seokmin though as he kept sucking you frantically.

You tugged on his hair, pulling him up and to you again.

I love you, the words almost fell out of your lips. It would have been so easy to just say them, to be open about your feelings just this once.

Deep down you knew that that moment would be a one time kind of thing. It was just the kind of moment people sometimes needed to just completely let go of everything. Or in this case, nothing. It was to let go of seven years of complete nothingness and silence.

You opened the button of his jeans and pushed it down, his boxers following along. You wrapped your hand around his cock, pumping him a couple of times. Realization suddenly came over you. You never expected Seokmin to show up to your place, much less that it would lead to that moment, and there wasn't anyone else in your life, so you weren't ready for it.

"I don't have a condom" you said breathlessly.

Seokmin looked lost for a second, his brain going to his wallet, questioning whether or not he had one in him.

"I can pull out," he said "if that's okay"

All you did was nod and Seokmin aligned himself with your hole. He pushed in slowly, savoring each moment when your pussy pulled him in until there was no space between the two of you.

Seokmin kissed you again to give himself time to adjust to you squeezing him. You held his face close to yours, in your eyes a mix of emotions he didn't want to understand. Not in that moment at least.

"I don't want anyone else," you said looking into his eyes, your thumb running over his bottom lip "No one else can make me feel the way you do"

To hell with care and self-preservation. You let go of those the moment you opened the door for him, the moment you let him into your home, the moment you didn't push him away when he kissed you.

Seokmin fucks you slowly, his pace torturous as you beg and beg for more. He intertwined his fingers with yours and held one of your hands above your head while the other one held your hips in place.

"Seokmin... harder"

And it's like a switch has gone off inside his brain. His once slow pace becomes shallow. The sound of your breaths and his skin slapping against yours were the only ones heard, echoing through the empty room.

Your orgasm sneaks up on you, catching you so off guard you scream because it's too much.

You pushed Seokmin away and watched in ecstasy as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hand working fast as your name left his lips when his release fell on the sheet by your side.

Seokmin dropped his body over yours again, his forehead on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and ran your hand over his hair.

"I love you" you allowed yourself to say, even if it meant nothing to him.

Letter #6

Seokmin,

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm coming home. Or the closest thing I still have to a home. Needless to say, my mother is happy with the news. She's been tormenting me for years, asking me to come back, but since I set foot here I decided I wasn't going back.

I wanted to, but I wouldn't go back.

Every time I thought about going back, the first thing that came into my head was the last image I had of you. Your teary eyes wishing me a safe flight, saying I love you and hope you accomplish everything you want. I regretted it the moment I gave my things away and handed my passport into the hand of the airline girl. I should have come back, I should have given up, but I couldn't. That old story of putting myself first and second, you know how it goes. In this case, my entire top 10 was just different versions of me.

I think I actually felt scared because as time went by, little by little without me realizing it right away, you became a very big part of my life. A part that could change everything. I felt like I depended on you too much. It wasn't fair to you or me.

We were only 22, Seokmin. When we were so young, we thought that life was conquered and today I know that is not the case. Far from it. At 22 I had a degree and worked part-time at a cafe to pay the bills, just like you.

You might think I'm selfish, I'm sure you do based on the things you say on your show. I was selfish and on some level, I don't regret it. I did what I always planned to do, what I always wanted to do. And now I'm coming home.

Part of me wants to run and find you, explain why I made the decisions I did, why I never told you. But I know you won't want to listen to me. I wouldn't want to listen to me either. Why would I listen to someone who left just like that? It really wouldn't make sense.

But another part, this one a little more rational, says that I shouldn't throw salt into the wound after so many years have gone by. I have the scar here, hidden enough for no one to see, but prominent enough for me to remember what I did every single day.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I think that's what I have to do. It wouldn't be fair to just show up in front of you and say “hi, I'm back” after seven years.

You have become a big “what if” for me. What if I had stayed? Would we have stayed together or would our relationship have ended years ago? What if I had told you what I was doing while I was doing it? Would you have asked me to stay? What if I had given the possibility of a long-distance relationship? Would we have worked out or would you start to resent me for leaving and end up hurting each other anyway?

The most absurd thing is that I still like you, I'm still in love with you. I've always heard that distance makes love end or something like that. I haven't seen you in seven years, I don't know what's going on in your life — you're really good at hiding everything being a celebrity now — so it doesn't make any sense that my feelings haven't changed even after all this time. This guy I see online might not be the Seokmin I fell in love with, just like I'm not the same person you remember.

Every time I hear your voice I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I sleep and dream about you. When I wake up I think about you and I wonder if you think about me too. It is not normal. It's not healthy. Life went on and I think it is our obligation to move forward together. We are not a museum to only feed on the past.

Let's continue as we are now, what do you think? We will once again be in the same country, in the same city, but I think it's best for both of us to pretend that nothing will change. It's a huge city, what are the chances of us meeting?

Before you even opened your eyes, you already knew what you would find. Or who you wouldn't find. You knew the space next to you on the mattress would be empty. You had noticed the exact moment Seokmin had gotten up, but you forced yourself to believe that he had just gone to the bathroom. You had kept your eyes closed and had somehow gone back to sleep.

You had been naive to think that the night had changed something, that the way everything seemed like it would be fine was an indication that things had finally gotten back on track. If any, the train simply ended up derailing.

When Seokmin kissed you it was magical, no matter how cliché and teenage it may sound. It was as if the world had fallen into place again, as if you had finally returned home after being away for so long. You couldn't help but wonder if that was why you'd taken the job, in the foolish, unconscious hope that there might be a chance, however slight, of being with him again.

You forced yourself to sit up and pulled the sheet up to cover your naked body. The shirt and shorts you wore the night before were next to you on the floor, but you refused to wear those clothes, opting to rummage through the boxes in the corner of the room looking for clean ones.

You didn't want to go to the living room, didn't want to be mocked by the two boxes that Seokmin had left on the counter, but you couldn't help it. It was as if your feet had a life of their own. When you realized it, you were already sitting on the living room floor with the two boxes in front of you.

You momentarily decided to ignore the smaller black box and pulled the large one closer. The first thing you saw was the envelope Seokmin mentioned the night before. Money, especially the one in the envelope, wasn't something you were going to worry about. You didn't care about it, you didn't lie when you told him that he should have spent it. That money would remain untouched.

There were also a few books you read and made annotations on, two stuffed animals, and all the picture frames you had left behind.

One of the things you regretted the most was not taking with you when you left were photos of you and Seokmin. You had only taken one, which was folded inside your wallet. It was already so old and worn out that it had almost turned to dust, but you would never get it out. It was you and Seokmin at Niah's old restaurant, he was smiling at the camera while you looked at him. It was your favorite picture.

At the bottom of the box was the camera you had given Seokmin as a birthday present a few months before you left. You had saved whatever money you could for months to buy him the camera he wanted, one that he always talked about and whenever you passed by a store you stood outside looking at it, almost as if it would magically appear in his hands.

You understood his reasons for leaving the camera there — or, at least, the reasons you could imagine—but you wished he had kept using it. Not because it was a gift from you, but because it was something he wanted. His smile was so big when you gave it to him, the tip of his nose slightly pointed down because of it.

Carefully you put everything back inside and put it aside.

The smaller box, for some reason, was scary. It was light and black, and you could hear its contents moving as you held it in your hands. You took one last deep breath and removed the lid.

Inside were photos you had never seen before. Photos of you alone, Seokmin wasn't in any of them. In none of them were you posing or smiling directly at the camera.

Most of them had been taken from a distance, without you noticing. In some you were inside the cafe where you worked, smiling at customers and serving tables, in others you were simply walking down the street, looking through window shops and pointing at something. Seokmin had taken countless photos of you without you even realizing it.

It was strange to see yourself through his eyes, even if it was a version of you that no longer existed. A much younger and more optimistic version. Did I smile that much? you couldn't help but ask. You never saw yourself as particularly optimistic or constantly smiling. You were happy, that's undeniable, but you didn't know that's how people saw you.

There were so many photos, from completely different moments, both from the beginning of your relationship with Seokmin, and from all the phases you went through together.

Behind the pictures were the post-its that you left around the apartment, reminding Seokmin of somewhere you had together or simply saying that you loved him. So many had a simple “I love you” written on them, others said “have a good day today!”.

You had no idea he had kept them. You always thought that once read, they were discarded, but there they were, intact as if you had just written them.

The very first one you had ever written, when you had just started dating, was also there. At the time, unlike Seokmin who never had a hard time expressing how he felt, it was almost impossible for you to be openly honest. So you wrote it on a post-it and stuck it inside one of his notebooks. He had shown up at the dorm a few hours after you left the library.

“Say it again, but this time looking at me”

You frowned, pretending you didn't understand.

“Your nose is beautiful”

You laughed when Seokmin wrapped his arms around you, squeezing a little, trapping your arms close to your body. His face was very close to yours.

“What you wrote in the note” he said softly, his cheek pressed against yours “Say it again, please”

The truth was that you had loved Seokmin, in a way you didn't believe was possible and maybe that was why you spent the last seven years writing letters to him.

Seokmin never left your mind, not truly. There was always a desire, even if veiled, to return home, to find out how he was, to just say “I know I messed up, I’m sorry”.

It was that desire that made your entire body go cold as you took one last item out of the box. A smaller box that fit in the palm of your hand. You knew what it was before you even opened it and opening it was the worst choice at that moment. Your heart, which was already broken, somehow managed to break even more, into a billion, shiny, new pieces.

Seokmin would have proposed if you hadn't left.

When the first sob echoed through the living room, you didn't try to hold it back, you just accepted the feeling of being absolutely lost and heartbroken.

The weather outside the building seemed to mimic the way you had felt in the last few weeks, torrential rain that had no end in sight. You watched the news hoping for an improvement, hoping that the rain would stop for at least a few hours, but it seemed like a distant dream.

All your students were already gone and there was nothing left for you to do. The handed in assignments were graded and the tests were ready to be applied the following week. You had never hated yourself so much for simply doing your job. You wanted to be, at least for that day, like other teachers who left corrections until the last possible second and left students desperate for their grades.

The hallway was in complete silence, a clear sign that everyone had left already. And you had already waited hours for the rain to stop, until the sky was completely dark, and if anything the rain had only gotten worse.

You sighed and picked up your bag from the chair. You wouldn't risk taking any books, papers, or documents home, the possibility of everything getting ruined was too big. Besides, you needed a rest, at that point it was well deserved.

Ever since you had opened the boxes Seokmin left behind, you had immersed yourself in work in every way possible. You had accepted all of the dean's requests and even offered to teach extra classes whenever there was a missing professor.

And even so, even though you had more work than you wanted, you still found time to look at all of his social media. You still listened to all his programs, even listened to the old ones before going to sleep.

It was almost like a form of elaborate torture done solely and exclusively with you in mind. And worst of all, it was self-inflicted. It was as if your brain liked it, begged for it.

The box with the engagement ring was next to your pseudo bed. It was the last thing you saw before going to sleep and the first thing you saw when you woke up. Instead of spending hours on your phone, you sat there, staring at the small box.

You hadn't dared to open it again. You had never felt so lost as you did that day, looking at that ring.

You wouldn't be a hypocrite to say that you had never imagined your life if you had married Seokmin, but before it was nothing more than a daydream. The ring made that dream an attainable reality. It had been in your hands and you just walked away.

A curse left your lips when you noticed that the umbrella you had used that morning was missing from the umbrella holder next to the door.

“Great, that’s exactly what I needed” you muttered, slamming the door shut behind you.

You were tired, exhausted to tell the truth. All you wanted was to get home, take a shower, and watch some relationship reality show, to escape the tragedy that was your own love life.

You closed your eyes and sighed as you reached the entrance. The next bus stop or subway station was at least a 15 minute walk away. That was a problem that existed when you went to school there, everything was far away. One would think that they would do something to improve that, but one would be wrong.

You thought about taking shelter in the nearest coffee shop, but you knew it was almost closing time. You wouldn't be the person who forces employees to stay late, not when you had worked at that exact coffee shop years ago.

Even with your heavy coat covering most of your body, the rain was cold on your back and it was hard to see anything ahead, even if it was just a few steps away. Even the sound of cars was muffled by the rain.

“yn?” a car was on your left, and it was moving at the same speed as you. The face of whoever was behind the wheel was blurred by the rain, but you would have recognized that voice anywhere in the world.

“Let me give you a ride”

You shook your head. The last thing you should do was get in the car with him. It was too dangerous, you were sure that if you looked at him for more than a second you’d start crying. Just by hearing his voice your eyes were burning and a lump was forming in your throat.

“It’s fine, the bus stop is right there”

“There was an accident back there, the bus won’t be here anytime soon”

You grumbled. Of course, there was an accident, of course, there wouldn't be a bus and with your luck, the subway would probably be closed too.

"If your car went through the accident, a taxi will too”

You quickened your pace, not because of the rain, but because you wanted to get away from him. You needed to get away from him.

“Jesus, yn, just get in the car. You’re going to get sick”

You pretended you didn't hear what he said and kept walking, face down – trying to escape both the rain and him. The first tear fell from your eyes. For the first time in days, you were grateful for the rain, because you could pretend it was just water and not a visual representation of your broken heart on your cheeks.

Seokmin stopped the car right there, in the middle of the street. He didn't care if someone was standing behind him honking like crazy — something that was bound to happen.

When he left your apartment that day he felt like he was 22 again, but this time he was the one leaving.

Hearing that you loved him was everything he had wanted, but the timing was strangely right and wrong, both at the same time.

Both of you screamed, shouted, and said what you wanted to say — or at least part of what you wanted to say. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at the same time a new one was placed on it.

After you fell asleep in his arms, the only thing Seokmin could think about were the letters scattered across the living room floor. There were so many. He couldn't believe you had spent all those years writing letters to him.

He needed to read them all. He would have done it in the living room, but he didn't know what awaited him, so he collected them all from the floor and a few more that had been left in the box and left.

He read the first one in the car, he couldn't wait until he got home.

Seokmin cried right there, the same way he cried when you left. Inconsolable. His heart broke and healed in equal measure with every word of yours he read.

Seokmin always believed that you left like that, without a single word, because you didn't like him that much, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Not that he thought the entire relationship had been a lie, but he thought that somehow the love had ended. It happened to everyone, the probability of it happening to him was also high.

The truth could not be different. There wasn't a letter in which you didn't say you loved him, not always in those words, but he knew you well enough to know that was what you said.

After reading all the letters, Seokmin called Joshua. He cried on the phone with his friend and then once again when he showed up at his place with bad beer and takeout food. “Since we’re going to talk about our college days, I think we should do the same thing we did back then” was all he said.

Seokmin was on his way to you when he saw you walking without an umbrella. He wanted to talk to you, to know if even after so long you still wanted to try with him one more time. It was better to try than to always wonder what could have been.

“I read your letters!” he shouted louder than the rain.

His words were enough to make you stop walking, but you still didn't turn to face him. It was too hard to breathe. Your chest rose and fell irregularly each time you tried to pull the air in.

You knew Seokmin had taken the letters. Part of you knew he would read them, but the last thing you expected was for him to want to talk about them.

“I know” you said when he approached “I saw they were gone, and you were the only person who came by”

“Do you know why I accepted to host a love advice show? Besides it being something I've always wanted, of course” he didn't give you time to answer “Because a part of me wanted you to listen, to know that I was okay, even if it was a lie. I thought that if I talked about it on a show that had used the nickname you gave me, you’d regret it. I thought that I should make you regret it because it was the only way I could still think about you without looking like a fool after so long. I thought you didn’t care, that you had left because you didn’t like me anymore, so making you regret your decision was the only option I had”

You shook your head. It wasn't true, not by a long shot.

“I'm sorry” you said softly “I should have told you what I was doing, that I had applied for the and got in. I thought it was my only option. It was so stupid. I was so stupid”

Seokmin laughed a little, fingers running under your eyes. A second later he pressed his lips over yours.

“I know, I read your letters”

Seokmin,

It's been a good few years since I wrote you a letter. After a while, I didn't think I needed it anymore because I started saying everything I wanted, everything I felt, looking at you. Of course, this new arrangement has its demerits, as the paper and pen don't look at me like a lost puppy. But paper and pen don't kiss me either, so it has its bonus.

I thought when I came home four years ago, I would never see you again. I thought you would just be the guy who has a radio show that I would listen to every now and then. I didn't expect to see you my first week back and again and, well, again.

As you probably know, I've never been a big fan of rainy days. I always preferred sunny days because those were the days I woke up ready to face the world. I felt better overall. But also because they reminded me of you. You know, when the sun appears after gray days? For me, you were always like that. Grand and brilliant.

But after that day, I started to like rainy days too because they started to be full of the two of us. Rain was no longer synonymous of an unproductive day, but rather of the memory of our fresh start.

You know this, we've talked about it a few times, but I spent a few months waiting for it to sink in. Sort of expecting that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. It was hard for both of us, I know. It was seven years of hurt and resentment and we had to navigate this uncertain sea without a map. Nobody teaches you how to do this, believe me, I looked. I found countless books on how to start dating, how to save a relationship, and how to get over a relationship. The problem is that none of them teach you how to rekindle a relationship after seven years apart, but during those seven years one of the parties wrote letters and the other had a program just to mourn the sorrows of the relationship.

I've read several, so you can trust what I say on this.

It really wasn't easy, but I think we came out better, stronger, in some way.

I love you and I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives. Our forever begins today, in a little while. So stop crying, put ice on your eyes to help the swelling go down, and go to the aisle because I miss you already.

I love you.

taglist: @wonwooz1, @mirtaspace, @feat-sun, @belladaises, @mayashu, @immabecreepin, @miriamxsworld, @aaniag, @k-drama-adict, @maiamorrrrrrrrrrrr, @roguesthetic, @sofix-hc7, @scarlet789, @moonlightgrleric, @mixling-blog, @haowonbins, @slut4donghyuck, @shuabby1994, @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan, @plumings, @shuasdrafts, @aaasia111, @bouclesdefeu

if you enjoyed reading, please reblog or leave a comment, it really does mean the world to me and i would love to know your thoughts. thank you! 💕

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706 notes · View notes

leclercsainzz · 11 months

Text

MIDNIGHT RAIN PT 2

PAIRINGS: daniel ricciardo x singer!fem / horner!reader

TYPE: social media au

SUMMARY: in which they slowly make their way back to each other!

part 1 - part 2

danielricciardo

liked by landonorris, lewishamilton and 648,026 others

danielricciardo: so about that ….

view 17,520 comments

user: why am i not surprised?

user: SCREAMING 🫨

user: EVERYONE SAY, “THANK YOU MAX”!!!!

carlossainz55: date ehhh

maxverstapphen1: you’re welcome;)

↳ user: he’s a legend!!!

user: THE WORLD HAS HEALED!!! ✨

user: tHe scream i sCeamt

user: i cannot function

user: parEnts are finally working things out

↳ user: no more fighting over custody

ynhorner

liked by christianhorner, landonorris and 581,081 others

ynhorner: he’s not so bad, i guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ @danielricciardo

view 13,829 comments

christianhorner: you’re welcome 😌

user: SCREAMING OMG

user: max and christian are geniuses!!

user: these mf really set them up

user: the way christian thinks danny is the perfect guy for his daughter 😭

user: I CAN’T!!!

↳ user: me and you both

user: BEST MONTH SO FAR! 😭

user: @maxverstappen @christianhorner thank you, kings!!

user: i knew this day would come!!!

ynhorner

liked by georgerussell63, alex_albon and 562,746 others

ynhorner: my sunshine:) i would choose you over anyone else, over and over again ❤️

view 17,829 comments

user: THE SCREAM I LET OUT, OMG!!!!

↳ user: tHey’VE COME A LonG WAY!!

maxverstappen1: mission accomplished @christianhorner

↳ christianhorner: 🤝🏼

user: pARENTS ARE OFFICIALLY BACK IN BUSINESS

danielricciardo: ❤️❤️❤️

charles_leclerc: so happy for you guys!!!

user: just a reminder that max and christian really DID THAT

user: my yndaniel heart ❤️

user: soulmates, frr!!!

user: HAPPIEST MF DAY OF MY LIFE

danielricciardo

liked by estebanocon, maxverstappen1 and 639,837 others

danielricciardo: can’t imagine my life with anyone other than you ❤️

view 17,947 comments

user: MOTHER IS SERVING

user: sCREAMING!!!

user: the world is now a better place 😊

ynhorner: i loveee youuuu!!! ❤️

user: do my eyes deceive me or is that an engagement ring??!?!??

↳ user: wTF IT IS!!!!

user: IS THAT A RING I SEE ON HER FINGER!!?!??

maxverstappen1: can’t imagine my life w/o you either

user: she’s so effortlessly gorgeous!! 😍

user: is tHat a ring i see????

↳ user: i didn’T even notice

user: everyone say thanks to horner and max

user: my parents 😭

pierregasly: 🤩

ynhorner and danielricciardo

liked by charlottesiine, landonorris and 789,749 others

ynhorner: he wanted a bride, i said YES! 💍🤍

tagged: @danielricciardo

view 35,029 comments

user: I AM SCREAMING

user: totally NOT FREAKING OUT OMG AIANDKSLSB

danielricciardo: mrs. ricciardo has a nice ring to it;)

↳ ynhorner: i can already hear it, “mister and mrs ricciardo”

charlottesiine: congrats, my love!! ❤️

↳ ynhorner: 😘 i miss youuu!!

maxversteppen1: we did that!! @christianhorner

maxverstappen1: MY PARENTS!!! ☺️

↳ landonorris: our*

charles_leclerc: congratulations you two!! ❤️

therealgerihalliwell: congratulations, sweetie!! 😘

user: max is just like us, i swear

↳ user: the BIGGEST yndaniel shipper

christianhorner: my little girl is all grown up 🥺

↳ maxverstappen1: if yn and daniel adopt me, does this make you my grandfather?

↳ christianhorner: don’t push it 😐

alex_albon: congrats ☺️

redbullracing: soo happy for you both!!! ❤️

user: our parents are getting married!!! 🥳

user: WE DID IT!! WE SURVIVED THE GREAT WAR 😭

↳ user: convincing myself taylor wrote this song about them

user: danny goes back to red bull, yn releases a song about danny, they get back together, and now they’re engaged???!?! mY heart can’t take this 😭 i’m so proud of them!!!

2K notes · View notes

raz-writes-the-thing · 6 months

Text

Tenth Doctor NSFW Alphabet

Tenth Doctor x GN!Reader 18+ ONLY / requests are open

DW: @nyxiethesimp @quickslvxrr @midnight--raine @blueberry-sunshines @stevekempscocktails @go-bonkers-go-foolish @peytonpenguin37 @yeethaw13 (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

TENTH DOCTOR NSFW ALPHABET

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Ten is the cuddliest being in the entire universe after sex. Cuddles, kisses, snuggles. He’s basically a barnacle. He adores giving you cuddles just as much as he receives them. I also feel like he’d absolutely adore nuzzling his nose against your jaw and/or neck.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favourite body part of his own are his teeth/hands.

His favourite body part of his partner is their eyes. One of the most important things for him in a partner is their eyes. Being able to see compassion, kindness- love in someone’s eyes. There’s nothing that makes him fall in love faster.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Ten can cum a lot. Something to do with Time Lord genetics. When they mate, they mate to conceive (biologically speaking) so whenever Ten ejaculates, there can be a lot if he’s not had any for a while or if he’s been edging.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

A dirty secret of Ten’s is how much he fantasises and thinks about rubbing his cock against your clit/dick. It’s one of his favourite things, and he thinks about it way more than he should. He has- on more than one occasion, rubbed his thumb over his sonic screwdriver and thought about putting it inside you too.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Ten is experienced. He’s lived for 900-odd years. He hasn’t had a plethora of partners, but he’s had enough (both longer-term and one-night) but he’s experienced enough to know what he’s doing and how to get his partner exactly where he wants them.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary. He’s not fancy about it, but he adores being able to look into your eyes as he brings you pleasure.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It depends on the circumstance. Generally speaking, he’s more romantic than goofy, but he also believes that if you can’t laugh with your partner during sex- they’re not the one for you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s not shaved, but he’s not unruly either. He’s neat. Trimmed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Ten’s all about the intimacy. He’s all about soft loving looks, hand-holding, and adoring caresses. He’s so romantic (most of the time) that it’s almost sickening. Even when he’s rough, he’s still romantic. Check-ins, kisses, reassuring touches and smooches.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Ten tries not to jack off too much since he has you, but he’s not opposed to jacking off in the shower if you’re not in the mood. He also has a bit of a thing for you watching him jack off. There’s just something about it that gets him hot and bothered.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Hair-pulling. The man is OBSESSED with having his hair pulled. He’s pretty sure he could cum untouched from that.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

TARDIS console room or his bedroom are his two favourite places to do it, but he’s not picky.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Teasing touches and sultry looks will get Ten going faster than anything. A brush over his shoulders, a light pat on his bum. If he’s feeling dominant, teasing him will definitely get him going. Behaving bratty and ignorant of how your words, looks and touches impact him will definitely have him all over you as soon as possible.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Knife or gun-play. It’s not for him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers to give, but he enjoys receiving, too. Mostly when he’s feeling submissive.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Again, depends on the circumstances. If he’s feeling submissive and is receiving, he wants it loving but fast. He wants toys or cocks jackhammering into his ass. If he’s feeling dominant, he likes to make it slower and more sensual in order to tease you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Ten isn’t huge on quickies. He enjoys them, but he’d much rather be able to take his time and really enjoy the moment with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Ten is open to experimentation, but at 900 years old, there’s not much he hasn’t done that isn’t a huge no-no for him.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Ten can last about five to seven rounds before he starts to tire. That Time Lord biology does not quit.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Ten likes toys. He likes to use them on his partners more than receive, but having you fuck his cock with a fleshlight? Well, lets say that did something to him that he was not expecting.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

When he’s dominant, he’s very unfair. Or he can be. It depends on how naughty you’ve been. When he’s submissive, he’s only teasing when he wants to be punished.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Ten isn’t super loud, but he��s not opposed to making some noise, either. He’s louder when he’s being edged, for sure.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Ten loves to have you ride him. He adores watching you on top of him and taking charge.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s not super thick, but he is quite a bit longer than the average human.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Ten’s sex drive is moderate. He’s not jonesing for it all the time, but he likes a good fuck at least two or three times a week. More if he’s really in the mood.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Ten doesn’t really fall asleep very quickly after sex unless he’s gone about eight rounds. That will tire him out like nothing else. Because he doesn’t fall asleep quickly, he likes to brush your hair and lull you to sleep on his chest for a while.

491 notes · View notes

dwindlinghaze · 11 months

Note

HIII YOU’RE SO AWESOME! I was wondering if I could request a extroverted introvert!fem reader x introverted!Remus, where she is introverted and very sunshiny in public and remus is grumpy but he’s literally madly in love with her? like sarcastic, confident Remus is with this like bubbly and giggly girl and just a cutesie little story about them?

I hope this isn’t too much!

-Anon 🫶🫶

hi, lovelyy! thank you for requesting this! i loved the idea a lot and i hope you don't mind me writing r as girly and feminine :) 🫖👛🫧🪽🎀

sunshine and midnight rain

(remus lupin x reader)

contents : fluff, kissing, sweethearts in the sweetest love 😭🩷

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

when he first saw you walking this morning with the brightest smile ever, he wanted to hold you and forget about everything in schedule today.

he saw you waving to a ravenclaw, blowing the girl a kiss as the two of you laughed. it was so adorable and heart warming. he couldn't believe it.

you plopped down next to him, greeting your boyfriend a good morning.

"morning, angel," he replied, kissing your head with a gentle yet firm pressure.

"how'd you sleep last night?" you asked, rubbing his cheeks softly.

"um good," he replied shortly. "would be better if you were with me but i'll survive," he smiled.

"oh rem, you can always ask me to be with you whenever you want okay?"

"i know, lovie," he replied, kissing you once more on your soft cheek.

when you two first started dating, it was a huge shock to the friend group. you two were the absolute opposite of each other and maybe that's why you two completed each other so well.

remus needs rays of golden sunshine, a beautiful princess-like girl whose heart is veiled with fresh daisies and soft hands to keep himself grounded while you needed those midnight rains to keep your flower field of your heart blooming continuously.

he remembered the first date you two had was on the most whimsical day ever. he laid out a picnic date for the two of you in the middle of a field of wild flowers.

when he saw you walking in from the door, his eyes were met with fleecy skin, sparkly eyes, light pink clothes, and a pure heart to tie them all together.

he couldn't believe it. such a dreamy girl wanted to be on a date with him!

he felt special. lucky. and best.

"you're absolutely stunning," he mumbled in awe as he saw you sitting down next to him, your soft skirt calmly hovering above his leg.

"remus, so are you," you said, smiling at him with a smile so sugary.

remus realised how quiet you were being. but he knew that he's not the cause of it. you were calm and peaceful, enjoying the soft winds surrounding you two.

"i made some food for us both, i hope you're hungry," he said, putting a good amount of food on to the plate he brought.

"mmm looks tasty," you beamed. "you must be a very good cook."

"i try," he smiled weakly. "i hope it isn't too bad, sorry if it is."

you took a portion of it, placing it on your mouth as you hummed in contentment. "it's delicious! do you cook a lot?" you asked.

"i help my mom sometimes, yeah," he blushed, squeezing your soft knuckles.

"oh that's so sweet of you!" you giggled.

he loves you. so very much. he has been looking for you since he first heard his mother reading a romance fairytale when he was a child.

of course he wasn't thinking of you at that very moment. but he was hoping to have a lovely fairytale, he's glad his hope was fulfilled by meeting you.

he knew at the first moment he landed eyes on you, you will wrap his fragile heart in the most precious and endless love. he wasn't mad about it, he knew he will always have you by his side and he can rely on you whenever.

despite his rough and grumpy exterior, inside his heart was painted with your colours of pearls: pale white, pink, and softly glowing.

his friends teased him about it.

"how can she make you so soft and puddly? you're like a stone with us," sirius groaned. they're best of friends. remus is familiar with sirius' hyperbole jokes.

remus didn't reply, he kept on reading.

"moony, what do you call a dark house with pink interior?" sirius asked, one of his jokes.

"hmm?" remus replied, unamused.

"a remus!" sirius roared with laughter, james laughing along as he patted sirius' back for his horrible joke.

usually after a full moon, remus wouldn't even break a smile. he physically couldn't. but ever since you're his, he smiled whenever you visited him at the infirmary.

even james told you about it. "our grumpy remus smiles more often now that he met you," said the boy when you returned from the hospital wing to eat breakfast.

"really?" your heart warmed. you loved making people smile. it felt like you had accomplished something so special. although it's not a hard thing for people to do when you're around.

"yup. he usually sulks around the room after his furry little problem but now he looks... healthier and more alive somehow," sirius said.

"i'm so glad. i think he deserves the best of the best."

at first remus' friends were hesitant about your relationship, afraid that remus' cold demeanour would gloom down your shine but it never did. if anything your shine had brightened him up.

his friends were grateful and happy for remus. they know you're the perfect girl for him. a big part of loving someone else is to love yourself first. and you did that both so wonderfully.

remus isn't scared of you not accepting him for his lycanthropy. though he does have a fear of hurting you one day. that doesn't stop him from loving you and being open to you about himself.

he knew you're open minded. with your bold beliefs of equal rights in society. he wasn't scared. he wasn't in pain. after all the awful things the universe had given him, a lovely sweet girl is there, making the life he has bearable again.

the first night after he told you about his lycanthropy, you wanted to stay for him. but he insisted on you to not to do that and meet him the next morning instead.

no, he wasn't embarrassed of his appearance right after the transformation. his scars don't heal overnight. he physically looked the same the night before and the morning after, except that he's more relaxed the next morning as for the slumber really helped.

he just doesn't want you to be tired. he wanted you to sleep well. having the rest an angel always needs. of course you wanted to be with him before and after. but you know better than to go against him during his weakest point.

you see him the next morning, bringing a bag of chocolates and croissants.

you placed the bag on the bedside table, reaching for his hand instead. he was still asleep, eyes fluttering cause he's dreaming. you caressed his rough and scarred fingers softly, humming a tune.

remus woke up in the most peaceful way ever. seeing you beside him, playing with his fingers. "morning, princess."

you looked over at him, smiling so big. "oh morning, my remus," his heart fluttered when he heard the nickname. he is yours. forever yours.

"you're here, darlin'."

"i am, i brought breakfast for you," you grabbed the bag of chocolate and croissants, opening them.

he sat up, reaching for the pastry but you pushed his hand away, making him frown in confusion. "i will do the work for you. you've been doing so much to me and i want to do this in return," you giggled. "sit back and relax."

"you don't have to," he said.

"i know. i would never do this to anyone except you."

remus smiled at that, opening his mouth to let you feed him. "you're such a doll. you're so good to me and sometimes i feel like i don't deserve this treatment... i'm not good enough."

"rem, don't worry about that," you smiled at him softly, wiping away the drop of chocolate on his chin. "you have to love and accept yourself. i'm here to be with you all along the journey. i want you to be good to your body, be good to yourself and never say such things like that. life becomes good when you love yourself."

"is your life good?" he asked.

"the best," you answered. "i've learned to be grateful for everything- 'cause i have everything," you chuckled, squeezing his knuckles. "maybe i'm not the ideal type of girl in every person''s eyes but i am my type of girl."

"you're everything i aspire to be," remus said, holding his hand over yours over his heart.

"i love you," you said.

"i love you, darlin', i won't ever stop," he smiled.

#x reader #character x you #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin blurb #remus lupin x reader fluff

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maplesyrupsainz · 5 months

Text

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆

lando norris masterlist <3

my master masterlist

social media au

you & i ended up in the same room, at the same time

in which you wake up in a mystery bedroom with a mystery tattoo and a not so mystery headache

finally

in which no one believes that you and your boyfriend are actually dating despite both your efforts to hard launch

meme

in which you love causing mischief and mayhem and both of your fans eat it up

rosé flowing

in which the grid's nepo baby bff tries to keep her new relationship on the low but is sabotaged by her friends

bows before bros

in which a trail of bows leads to everyone's new fav grid couple

birthday girl

in which the tl is full of posts for your special day and the love is overwhelming

MY girl

in which your job has your boyfriend acting up every other week

obsessed with u

in which a podium means you and your boyfriend hard launch a little bit early <3

no comment

in which she finally gives him a chance, or in which he is sunshine and she is midnight rain 🌧️

blurb [1k celebration]

you're in love with driver and they get a girlfriend

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ﾟ。 more coming soon 🤍

ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

#f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 smau #f1 fic #f1 x reader #smau #f1 imagine #lando norris #ln4 #ln4 x y/n #ln4 smau #ln4 fluff #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #ln4 x reader #ln4 x you

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nhlclover · 3 months

Text

𝐈 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍 | 𝐆𝐀𝐁𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐋𝐓

word count: 0.98k

summary: when you get caught in a downpour without a jacket or umbrella, gabe offers to share his.

warnings: literally none? one curse word, awkward dialogue?

notes: two gabe fics and they both involve the rain... n e wayz hope you enjoy :)

Over and over, you kept mentally cursing yourself. You looked out the library’s front doors, watching the rain pour down relentlessly. Puddles were forming on the pathway, creating a water obstacle course for the passing students.

Spring was fast approaching, with temperatures steadily rising in the city. It was the first time this semester that the temps had gotten high enough that you could leave your dorm without wearing a coat. But, the spring climate in Boston was unpredictable. You’d sworn when you checked the weather app this morning it showed nothing but sunshine until midnight.

However, you now stood in the lobby of the library, watching the rain soak the Boston College campus. You were stuck 15 minutes away from your dorm without a jacket or an umbrella.

You hoped that maybe it was going to clear up in the next few minutes, or at least subside slightly, allowing you to get back without completely drenching yourself, however, the dark looming clouds and consistent downpour showed no signs of letting up. You’d concluded that you were just going to have to make a run for it and risk getting soaked. The thought of that made you want to cry. You were wearing a brand-new sweater and had just curled your hair that morning. By the time you’d reached your dorm, you would’ve ruined your hair and potentially also your new sweater.

You had one hand on the door handle, trying to brace yourself. Maybe if you ran you could limit the amount of water damage you and your belongings would endure. You had just prepared yourself for having to sprint back to your dorm when a voice startled you.

“Hey, you need an umbrella?” said a boy standing next to you, holding up an umbrella.

You hadn’t noticed him approach, being surprised by his sudden presence. He donned a Boston College-branded rain jacket, obviously being better prepared for the weather than you were. His kind smile made you want to accept the offer, however you didn’t want to inconvenience him.

“No, it’s okay.” You say, shaking your head.

His eyebrows furrow as he lets out a chuckle. “You sure about that? It’s pouring out there.”

You shake your head again. “I can’t. We’re probably not heading in the same direction anyway. I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“Where are you headed?” He asked.

“Back to my dorm, I’m at Duschene Hall.” You reply.

He pulls a surprised face. “Woah, what a coincidence! I’m heading there too.” He grins, eyes flashing a mischievous twinkle.

You knew he was lying, but that he wasn’t going to give up and let you walk alone in the rain. You cave, accepting his offer, as it is better than getting soaked to the bone. You stepped out into the rain, the boy opening up his umbrella and holding it above the two of you.

“I’m Gabe, by the way.” He says.

“I’m y/n.” You say.

“So, y/n, what were you doing at the library today anyways?” He asks.

You were among the only students in the library today due to the weather. Up until an hour ago, the sun had been brightly shining, most students deciding to forgo any pending assignments to enjoy the brief bit of summer peaking through.

You chuckle softly, adjusting the bag on your shoulder. “Studying, actually. I have a test next week.”

“Oh, an academic I see.” Gabe teases. “What’s your major?”

“History. How about you?”

“Communications.”

A gust of wind blew, causing you to shiver. Your sweater was knit allowing the wind to cut right through, pricking at your skin. Gabe shrugged off his backpack, sliding out of his jacket. “Here, take this. You must be freezing.” Gabe says, extending you his jacket.

“Oh my god, no I can’t take your jacket.” You shake your head. “You’re already doing enough by sharing your umbrella with me.”

“No, seriously, I insist. I think you might get pneumonia if you don’t take it.” Gabe says.

You roll your eyes at his dramatic statement, another gust coming in. Now physically shivering, your arms hugging your torso not warming you up as you hoped, you accepted his jacket. As you slipped into the jacket, warmth and the scent of his cologne that lingered on the jacket enveloped you.

As you continued your conversation, the rain continued to fall around you. You became grateful for Gabe’s cheery company on the dreary walk home. When the dorms were in your sight, you attempted to tell Gabe he was good to leave you there and he could go back on his planned path. However, Gabe insisted on walking you to the door.

“Thank you again for walking me home.” You said, smiling gratefully at Gabe. “I don’t know how to repay you.”

Gabe paused for a moment, his eyes meeting yours with a hint of mischief. "How about letting me take you out on a date?"

You were slightly taken aback by his question but despite that, you found yourself grinning and nodding. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Gabe’s shoulders relax at your response. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, giving it to you to put your number in. As you typed your digits into his phone, you felt a flutter of excitement in your chest. Maybe getting caught in the rain wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

#gabe perreault #gabe perreault imagine #nhl #nhl imagine #hockey #hockey imagine #boston college #gabe perreault x reader

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uglypastels · 3 months

Text

The Boy is Mine (Z's edition) // e.m.

a/n—guess who's baaaaack. Yeah, I didn't expect it either, but a long and lonely day and some scrolling through this hell site made me stumble upon a few posts that actually made me excited to write again, so here I am.

This fic is a part of @carolmunson's blurb challenge. I had so much fun writing this, and thank you so much, Carol, for sparking that inspiration back in me.

word count: 2.4k

warning: a LOT of fluff. Eddie and reader being menaces towards each other. teasing. playfighting. slight spanking. innuendos and suggestive talk. Swearing. possibly rusty writing as this i haven't written anything in months (i think that's it??)

He was sunshine, I was midnight rain -Midnight Rain, Taylor Swift

The downpour came completely out of nowhere as if someone up in the heavens was throwing buckets and buckets of ice-cold water at the same pace. The entire morning had been a perfect summer’s day, bright and sunny, warming up the ground underneath you, toasting all rooms and cars. It’s what made you want to go out in the first place. You had enough of sitting on the couch every weekend and practically dragged Eddie out of the house by the sleeve of his baggy sweatshirt.

Now he was the one hauling you back inside, both of you looking like a pair of drenched cats.

‘I swear to God, if you don’t get your ass over here right this second!’ He shouted through the rain, his hair sticking to his face, water dripping down onto the floorboards of the trailer. He just ran inside, holding an arm out to keep the door open.

‘I’m coming.’ you said, with none of the urgency that Eddie held in his tone. The rain, while cold, felt nice and refreshing against your face. Taking a deep breath in, you let the summer night air fill your lungs, almost forgetting about your impatient boyfriend who was standing waiting for you on the threshold. He called out your name, but you weren’t listening.

‘I’m serious, sweetheart,’ Eddie leaned against the doorframe, growing tired as he watched you twirl around in the rain. ‘If you don’t stop and come inside right this second, we’re gonna have a problem.’

‘I really doubt it,’ you shouted back, making another turn on your heels as the rain caught your cheeks. You couldn’t quite explain what made you act like this, but it was a freeing feeling to just stand outside and let Mother Nature weep her sweet, sweet tears.

‘Oh yeah, and why’s that?’ Eddie challenged, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

‘Because you’re too much of a pussy to come outside and get wet again.’ It was a known fact that Eddie hated rain or water in any form, really, touching him. If there was a way for a person to take dry showers, he would be the first in line to try them. There was something truly unexplainable about him but truly endearing, so who could blame you if you poked fun at the way he groaned when he couldn’t dry himself off properly after a swim or moaned about his hair being a mess?

Even from the distance of the driveway and the gloomy twilight as the sun set, you could see the blank stare he was sending your way; that are you shitting me right now glare only he could provide so casually and yet charmingly.

You poked your tongue out teasingly at him as you twirled around once more, arms spread wide open to receive another bucket load of rain on top of you.

‘C’mon, you’re gonna get sick!’ your boyfriend made another attempt at getting you inside, but if you were one thing, it was stubborn. All spun out, you leaned against the hood of his van. Perhaps a bit too provocative, with your chest forward, as you took deep breaths. You weren’t sure how soaked through your shirt was yet and if the water made the material see-through, although, seeming from Eddie’s reaction, it just might have been. You had closed your eyes but dared to shoot a glance up at him briefly and just about caught him cursing to himself.

You had spent most of the day driving around, stopping here and there to grab something to eat, but it had been right as you decided to stroll past Lover’s Lake that the clouds formed above your heads, and the rain started to fall. Eddie, ever the romantic, ran back to the van like a startled alley cat, quickly disappearing into his comfortably, dry enclosure, and he had run just as quickly back into the trailer once you got there. Overall, besides his hair, he suffered minor damage. His clothes were already nearly fully dry again, but the rain had only gotten worse since then, and there was no way he would—

Your boyfriend cursed again, shaking his head in amusement, as he pulled his sweater over his head and threw it behind him to the ground. You knew as soon as he made that one step past the threshold. You were fucked.

‘Don’t you dare,’ he said the second he saw you hesitantly step back. Ironically, his threat spurred you on to keep moving, and before you knew it, the two of you were making laps around the car through the muddy ground.

‘C’mhere you,’ Eddie said, and despite your best efforts, you both knew it was inevitable that he would eventually catch up to you. You shrieked out as your feet suddenly left the ground, and you were hoisted up over his shoulder.

‘Eddie!’ you hit him on the back, getting bumped up and down as he walked proudly to the trailer door. ‘Put me down!’

‘Just so you can run away again? No way, princess,’ he chuckled, adjusting his grip on you, making you bounce around even more. His hand rested on the back of your bare thigh, the shorts you were wearing that day doing a not-so-tremendous job of covering you up. God, the walk up to the trailer had never felt that long.

‘Edmund Lorenzo Munson,’ you stated, ‘put me down– ahh!’ you squealed as you felt the sharp snap of his hand against your ass. ‘You did not just do that!’

‘You bet I did,’ and to prove his point, he did again, this time a little harder. ‘I told you it would only mean trouble for you if you stayed out there.’

‘Don’t be so dramatic,’ you rolled your eyes just in time before he put you back on the ground. The trailer was warm from a long, sunny day, and the usual ambience of the clock above the TV was overruled by the harsh tap-tap-tapping of the rain on the roof.

‘Oh, I’m dramatic,’ Eddie scoffed, ‘says Miss Let-me-run-around-in-the-rain-until-I-catch-pneumonia.’

‘Ok, first of all,' you held up a finger. ‘That’s not even true. I was out there for about five minutes, so don’t be like that. Second,’ you pointed up a second digit. 'That was dramatic. And third…’ You had finally let yourself look down at his naked, rain-soaked chest. ‘Actually, never mind.’

‘No, no, finish your thought, princess.’ His arms twisted around your waist, swaying the two of you from side to side. His lips were stretched in a wicked grin. Perhaps you were making him forget the state he was in and that he was, in fact, supposed to be mad at you, at least a little bit.

‘You know what, I suddenly forgot what I wanted to say.’ You shrugged and slipped out of his hold, reaching the couch. Once sat, you had the perfect view of your boyfriend, who stood towering over you in nothing but his ripped jeans, arms now crossed as he shook his head in disbelief. His rain-kissed skin was shimmering in the room's low light, and his hair was once again drenched, with curls still dripping water onto his shoulders.

‘Why am I not surprised by that,’ Eddie’s smile persisted as he looked you up and down, a line of worry crossing his brows. ‘I’ll get you some dry clothes.’ And with that, he turned around but did not even take three steps before a small pillow hit the small of his back. But Eddie, accustomed to your hijinks as well as you were to his, barely flinched and affectionately put up his middle finger.

‘Love you too!’ you shouted after him, already peeling off your shirt. Now that you were inside, the room's warmth started tingling your body, and the dampness of your clothes felt suffocating. Not that you would ever admit to the goosebumps rising on your arms—no, not to Eddie, at least.

A few seconds later, Eddie returned wearing a black t-shirt and sweatpants and holding a stack of fresh clothes for you. He threw them at you one by one, but with some effort, you caught everything despite his terrible aim. You then considered throwing your wet clothes back at him, but the poor boy had suffered enough, so you quickly got dressed. In the meantime, Eddie headed over to the kitchen, looking for something in the cupboards.

‘I was going to suggest making something to drink to warm us up,’ he answered before you even got the opportunity to ask, ‘but it seems I run out of, like, nice cups.’ Nice, in this case, really just meaning “clean”. He looked around some cupboards while you walked up to him, wrapping yourself around him and looking over his arm at the pile of dishes.

‘There, I used that one this morning.’ You pointed at a mug that had once been clearly hand-painted by a kindergarten Eddie. The wonky blots of colour almost matched the inside, which was stained with coffee remnants from that morning.

Eddie picked it up, hesitating, ‘you sure?’

‘Yesh, of course, just rinse it off, you dork.’

While Eddie got busy making what you hoped would be hot chocolate, you busied yourself by looking through the other cupboards for something to eat. ‘Do you have anything sweet in here?’ You were still looking around the shelves when Eddie pulled your chin in his direction and pecked a kiss onto your lips.

‘I meant more like cookies or something, but thank you.’

‘Yeah, I think we got a pack of those iced biscuits around here somewhere.’ Indeed, on top of the highest shelf, which he knew you wouldn’t be able to reach, there was an unopened pack of sugar-vanilla-icing-coated cookies. By the time Eddie handed you your mug of hot chocolate, you had already eaten two, dipping your third one in the drink. Knowing Eddie, he would have already poured in some colder milk for you, leaving you with no need to be hesitant on your first sip. The beverage warmed you up from the inside, and you couldn’t help but let out a satisfied sigh of relief.

‘What?’ you looked up at Eddie, feeling his gaze on you, but as soon as you addressed him, his eyes focused on his own drink.

‘Nothing.’ He leaned casually against the counter.

‘No, no, you were clearly thinking something so just spill it out.’

He made you wait by taking one long sip of his hot chocolate (extra cinnamon). He leaned forward to grab a cookie, but you quickly pulled them away, knowing he was trying to prolong your wait for an answer.

‘Fine,’ he smiled, ‘I was just thinking that you’re so fucking cute when you’re stubborn.’

‘Try again, loverboy,’ you replied, unimpressed.

‘It’s true!’

‘It’s not, and we both know it,’ you glared at him with narrowed eyes. ‘So just tell me.’

‘It was, actually,’ he stole the cookies back from you, taking one. His eyes never left yours as he scraped the sugary vanilla icing off the top with his teeth. You both tried keeping a serious face, but that was simply never an option for the two of you. It was just the question of who was first to break.

You kept looking at him with your unimpressed and unconvinced look, trying hard to push back the smile, much like he was most likely.

‘Ok fine,’ he bit into the biscuit. ‘I was just thinking, I can’t believe that you even make your biscuits wet. Like, that is actually horrid.’

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ You laughed, exasperated, finally cracking down on your serious look. ‘Eddie? Seriously?’

‘Yes! I mean, look at it,’ He pointed at the cookie you just pulled out of your drink. Half of it was darker as it soaked up the liquid, the icing slightly melting off, too. ‘It’s all soggy and gross, and you like that?’

‘You need to get yourself checked out, Munchie.’ You bit into the “soggy and gross” biscuit, enjoying the chocolatey infusion of the baked good.

‘Very funny.’ He slurped his hot chocolate until he drained the last sips out of the mug and placed it down on the counter, nearly pushing off a stack of plates. You weren’t far behind him, finishing your own drink and placing the dish back as well. The two of you were shuffling around the small kitchen space, manoeuvring past each other until you wrapped your arms around him, engulfing him in a tight embrace. Eddie kissed the top of your head as you murmured a sweet “thank you”.

‘For what?’ He asked.

‘For everything.’ You said against his chest. ‘Taking me out today, the hot chocolate, making sure I don’t die from pneumonia.’

‘Well, it’s still early.’ He corrected your last point, and you let your teeth grace over his chest, nipping him lightly.

‘Ow!’ he laughed through his shock and pain. ‘Did you just bite me?’

‘No.’ You said, mouth right against the fabric of his shirt.

‘No,’ Eddie mimicked your mumbling, pressing his face against your hair. ‘God, you’re so annoying.’

‘Am not!’ you gasped. ‘You are.’

‘I am?’ He raised his brow, and stupidly, you agreed.

‘Yes.’

‘Ok, fine.’ and so, you were up in the air again. ‘I’ll show you just how annoying I can be.’ With you over his shoulder once more, he brought you into his bedroom, dropping you into free fall down onto the mattress. You bounced as the springs creaked underneath.

The room was a mess, and you had to push an abundance of random objects off the bed as you made your way to the top of it. Shirts, underwear, folders, guitar picks, pencils and books all fell to the ground. Eddie got onto the mattress, too, falling to his knees upon it and slowly making his way to you. You were all too aware of his tactics, knowing he was trying to take the slow approach to tease you. So, instead, you tried to make yourself a bit more comfortable, propping up the pillows for a better headrest. Picking one up, you noticed the little brown notebook lying there.

‘Dear Diary, God, Harrington is so hot. I swear I just want to take his big fat—’ You started making up things as you flipped the pages, but before you could read into any of the actual lyrics or campaign ideas that Eddie had jotted down, he ripped the notebook out of your hands and threw it across the room, falling somewhere onto his desk into a pile of cassettes.

‘I hate you.’ He said with a smile, his hair now tickling your cheeks as it dangled down in semi-wet strands.

‘Hate you more.’ You pulled him in by the collar, kissing him passionately, continuing your chaotic yet perfect day until the late hours of the night.

the end.

my own analysis on the challenge - i feel like "my Eddie" is different each time I write him, even when writing for no particular au, but I usually I do try to make him a little bit goofy and awkward, always in on the joke and hyper and just.. .cute, ya know haha. I also always love to add in random ideas about him, so that's how we get hydrophobic!eds here, but he's also totally got a major sweet tooth, and yes, his middle name is Lorenzo. i don't make the rules.

I also feel like setting the setting as a "romantic" night will really show what people consider romantic in terms of personal preference, which should be super interesting to read.

thank you so much for reading!

if you want to check out more of my writing, feel free to do so here

and all the other stories from this challenge are somewhere around here

and if you enjoyed this fic, please remember that the best way to support writers is to reblog and comment <3 and my inbox is also always open if you feel like talking more :))

Feel free to join my Taglist:

I bet yall didn't expect this to still be working lol

@eddiemunsonbby @lizzylynch1 @bilesxbilinskixlahey @eddiemunson95 @umakemecry @lokis-army-77 @sparkletash @eddielives1986 @l1xx13 @corrodedcoffincumslut @mystcldydrms @eddies-acousticguitar @nik2blog @gretavanfleas @xeddiesbattattsx @strawberries-n-lavender @jinxxangel13 @justasmisunderstoodasloki @eddiesprincess86 @kizzington @scoops-harrington @graciehams @mrsjellymunson @josephquinnslover @ontpic

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson imagine #fanfiction #fluff #writing challenge #blurb #imagine #fanfic #fic

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iateyourparents · 22 days

Note

Please write more about sam !! absolutely love your writing

golden | s.g.

pairing: sam golbach x fem!reader

summary: you once believed love would be black and white, but with sam it’s golden.

warnings: not edited, bad writing and grammar(i’m sorry, english isn’t my first language)

an: thank you love!! kinda inspired by taylor swift’s songs, hope you like it <33

Sam was like a ray of sunshine or a breeze of fresh air. He was everything.

You weren’t good at relationships and you knew Sam could do so much better. He easily could have someone who knows how to receive and reciprocate his love.

But somehow, he still chose you and decided to shower you with love even when you weren’t sure if you deserved it.

Samuel Golbach was full of love, he didn’t have any mean bone in his body and it still was shocking for you how someone like him, a literal sunshine, could willingly be with you, a midnight rain. You were perfect example of golden retriever and doberman.

You were two polar opposite, and yet you worked just perfectly fine together.

Sometimes, when you weren’t able to love yourself, he did it for both of you, and when he had bad day, you knew exactly what he needed to brighten up. It was just so natural for you two to be together.

And it still was something new for you, even though you were together for almost a year and half now.

Your past relationships weren’t perfect, far from it. Your love life was full of toxicity, jealousy and insecurity.

And then, you met Sam.

He always cared for you, your wellbeing, feelings and opinions. He was rarely jealous and never acted sickly because of it, and the way he loved you… Being loved by Sam made you feel like you were in heaven.

All the kisses, compliments, presents and random hugs. You don’t know what you did so right to be able to call him yours.

You looked at your right side where mentioned boy laid next to you on the bed.

He was smiling at you and you raised your brows.

“Baby?” he asked.

“Yeah?” you placed a kiss on his forehead which made his smile even wider.

“Let’s go on a date.” he offered.

“Sure, when do you want to go?” you laid your head on his arm.

“Now.” he laughed and you lifted your head to look at him with raised eyebrows.

“Now?”

“Yeah, let’s get dressed and we can go somewhere. Cinema, park, coffee shop.” he shrugged “Whatever you want.”

You laughed but got up from the bed and blonde boy followed your movements with his eyes. Cheeky smirk made its way onto his face when he was checking out your almost naked form.

“Are you getting up or what?” you raised your eyebrows and he laughed but got up and started dressing “Let’s go to park, I will prepare some snacks and we can have a picnic.”

“Sounds lovely.” Sam kissed your forehead while he was next to you to take fresh shirt from the shelf.

You both got ready and while Sam was looking for blankets you prepared snacks and drinks to take with you.

When you were both ready you made your way towards nearest park. It wasn’t far from your apartment, just a few minutes walk.

“Aww look at this pup.” you cooed to Sam, looking at the small golden retriever pup that was passing by you with his owner “We should get a dog one day.”

“If you want a dog we can get one even tomorrow.” he muttered affectionately to you and you lifted your eyes to met his. He was looking at you with puppy eyes and content smile, it made you feel butterflies.

“Let’s wait with it some time.” you giggled although you really wanted to agree “You have few trips planned and it would be better to get a dog while we’re both around so it could get used to both of us.”

“You’re right.” he smiled and kissed your head “What dog are you thinking about getting?”

You laughed nervously. How do you tell him you already knew what dog you would get? And you even talked with shelter about possible adoption.

You knew you should have talked about it with Sam first but you saw an add of the shelter on some website with the exact dog on the poster.

It was lovely, about one year old, girl who was rescued from people who neglected her. You fell for her ever since you saw her picture and even harder when you saw her at the shelter in person. You really planned to go there with Sam but he was on a trip with Colby back then.

“Alright, so I might want to take back my words about waiting.” you giggled and he looked at you with amusement and raised brows “I actually already know what dog we should adopt. And I might or might not had already talked with shelter about adopting this lovely girl.” you shrugged innocently and rushed to add “I’m sure you will love her, she’s such a cutie and so friendly.”

“Is it by any chance the dog you have on your laptop’s wallpaper?” he giggled and your eyes widened but you nodded uncertainly “She’s cute.” he admitted “We should go shopping for things for her.” he shrugged and you stopped in your tracks.

“Really? You’re not mad?” you asked hopefully placing your hands on his arms and he laughed.

“I’m not mad. I knew you would start this subject soon ever since I saw the picture. I might or might not also already met her at the shelter.” he stated.

“What? When?” you were surprised.

“Me and Colby were in shelter when there was this action to promote adoption. She quickly wormed her way into my heart.” he shrugged “I wanted to talk with you about her but then I saw the picture and decided to wait.”

“I love you.” you kissed him and soon you continued your way to the park.

Yeah, he was your golden boy. And he really made loving fun.

#sam golbach x reader #samuel golbach #sam golbach #sam and colby #colby brock #snc #colby #katrina stuart #jake webber #johnnie guilbert #tara yummy #tarayummy #youtube

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moonlighttarotreadings · 11 months

Text

🫦❤️‍🔥 18+ NSFW PAC First time with FS‼️

Let to right: 1, 2, 3

***ADULTS ONLY***

Please send me feedback and your thoughts regarding this PAC! Also exchange readings are OPEN!

Pile 1: …he was sunshine I was midnight rain…

Ok someone’s future spouse is doing to be a daddy, like a daddy - baby girl kink. I’m feeling you guys are gonna be either a virgin or just shy sexually. I’m feeling it’s gonna start off really gentle, light neck kisses to sucking each others necks. I’m also feeling a lot of hickeys. I’m also feeling like after they will slowly move the kisses down your body and undo your pants, and look up at you directly in your eyes. To get your consent, and you’ll just shall nod. I’m feeling then they’ll give oral sex - I’m hearing eat you out. They really like to see you squirm, and hear you moan - like your moans are really light pitched and cute. They’ll be really gentle with you, I’m feeling like you’ll both be so in sync with your bodies. After they would want you to suck their genitals, like love oral sex. You could naturally look like a doll or like a princess, so it turns them on. The thought of you looking so innocence and sweet and doing kinky stuff really gets them going. I feel like they’ll be into sex position where you’re both looking directly into one another’s eyes directly. Like in the future I do feel like you could be involved in BDSM with them! But there not telling me much more, there very private and muster - they’ll have a lot of Scorpio energy! Potentially also a pregnancy kink.

Pile 2: …darling your my lover…

Ok so for this pile it’s gonna be really slow, gentle and sensual sex. Whilst reading this I heard you guys should put on the song Lover by Taylor swift. So get that’s song and then continue reading. I’m honestly feel like this will start off as playful fighting/wresting, and then someone flips the other under them and leans in for a kiss. This kiss then turns into a really passionate one. Like you’re gonna be just making out, and then slowly undressing each other. I’m feeling like throughout the whole act, it’s just the pair of you trying to dominate one another. I’m hearing your future spouse is really into your boobs, or even nipple play. Like they love how soft they are. They’re into sucking nipples. They could potentially have a mommy kink for you, like it sensual but they want you to dominate them. Like they like the playfulness. Like they could potentially be into treated like a baby, too. It’s their kink. I’m hearing if your future spouse is a male, they’ll be well endowed- like really big. And they’ll like being sucked off. I’m also feeling like they could be potentially younger then you, I’m hearing you could be a cougar. But I’m hearing them using their baby voice, and wanting to be dirty talked by you as there “mommmy” - not in like a maternal way like a kinky one.

Pile 3: …he looked up grinning like the devil…

So for his pile I channel the son cruel summer by Taylor Swift. I’m feeling your relationship could start off as a summer fling, friends with Benidorm - that’s type of thing. I’m hearing your future spouse was a player and then they met you, and they’re obsessed. So for your first time I’m hearing your both sexually experienced a lot - like y’all know what you’re doing. But I’m feeling like it’s pretty vanilla sex, I’m not feeling anything kinky. I’m feeling like you’ll guys just get straight into it, maybe 5 minutes of foreplay, like intense and passionate kissing - then just straight into PIV sex. I’m seeing doggy style for most of it. It doesn’t feel to romantic, remember you guys started as a fling/sneaky link. So it’s just for the sex in the beginning to get each other off. It won’t be spontaneous either like it’s at someone’s place late at night. But I’m feeling afterward you both can’t stop thinking about the sec you had, and then slowly fall in love with your sneaky link. Someone could be into having sex in-front of a mirror or filing sex, and watching it to get off with layer. Like they want to imprint there Brain with the sex. But very traditional sex. Like right now it doesn’t feel like you’ll be dating, so your goal isn’t to emotionally connect the first time you donut - its just to off.

#Tarot #tarot journey #tarot of the day #Pac #tarot of tumblr #divination #tarot cards #tarot online #tarot deck #free tarot #tarotcommunity #tarot community #Pac reading #pacfuture spouse

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mariofyuu · 5 months

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𝐓𝐨 𝐃𝐫𝐲 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧 [𝐘𝐮𝐭𝐚 𝐎𝐤𝐤𝐨𝐭𝐬𝐮 𝐗 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫]

"Don't cry little one, for the sun will come and dry your tears."

✰Tags: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Unrequited Love, Established Relationship, One-Shot

✰Summary: Yuta Okkotsu is afraid of two things; thunderstorms, and losing you.

✰W/C: 1.2k

✰C/W: Mentions of Trauma, nightmares, and thunderstorms

✰A/N: A quick one shot that I thought of during a thunderstorm.

The sound of pouring rain in a midnight storm filled the tiny cramped area of a dorm room. A huddled body shivered beneath a bundle of covers, the size being almost comedic considering the childlike action. He wasn't always afraid of the dark. It was just on nights like this, after a particularly scary mission, when the abyss seemed to pull him in.

Chest heaving and sweat forming on his brow, Yuta Okkotsu, a special grade sorcerer, slowly came to the acceptance that he was still afraid of thunderstorms. Small hiccups could be heard underneath the sheets, now becoming stained with the tears flowing heavily down his jaw and onto the bed below.

She'd often asked him, "Why do you always look so sleepy?". He'd give her a reply with an awkward half smile, saying "I just end up thinking so much, it keeps me up."

Which was partially true. He'd be thinking about her, her eyes. The way they sparkled when they'd grace his with a prolonged gaze, when she'd eat something she likes, or when she'd listen to her favorite song.

But soon her golden sunshine-like glance would turn into a downpour of bloody rain, the light fading into a series of traumatic memories that plagued him. He was sure they'd follow him to his grave, if he'd ever find the peace of one.

Then the worrying would start. The what if's of their job, of their life's purpose filling his mind like a poison that never fully worked its way out of his system. Those piling thoughts of 'what if' would mostly continue with the word 'she'. Even in his deepest, most terrifying memories, they only remained scary because they could repeat again. They could repeat with her.

And that's why in the sound of a rain storm, that reminded him so much of that day, did Yuta sob her name quietly into his pillow. Except it wasn't as quiet as he'd thought it was.

Suddenly the pitter patter of water on his window was replaced with quick footsteps. Oh so familiar footsteps.

Slamming the door open she came in like a whirlwind, even under his blankets he could imagine her expression. The same one she'd wear whenever he was injured in battle, or whenever he'd burn his tongue on his tea because he sipped without thinking. That adorable, worried, brow furrowed face would be the death of him.

"Okkotsu?!"

Her usually chipper voice was tinged with concern. His body freezing in place. How utterly humiliating.

"H-Here.." He mumbled out, lifting the bedding from over his head and sitting up. Yuta was correct of course, her brows were furrowed and her lips turned down. Her eyes widening as she noticed the tears still trickling down his cheeks.

"So you were crying" The sentence came out just above a whisper. That pretty gaze fixed totally on him, but its sparkle was replaced with worry. It sent a ripple of guilt through his body, akin to the lightning going off outside, the feeling making his stomach drop. God forgive him if he were to ever make her sad.

No use in denying it, but he couldn't help but wonder how she got up there from the second floor so fast. Or maybe he'd been crying longer than he realized. His mind was foggy with sleep deprivation and the need to flinch at the thunder claps sounding every few minutes. Still, Yuta tried to give her a sleepy smile to ease both the awkwardness and his own nerves.

"I had a nightmare, I'm sorry I woke you. I completely forgot your room is right under mine" He was lying through his teeth like it was second nature. Anything to make her stop looking at him like that.

Luckily for him, she was never the type to push in unless he allowed it. Always respecting boundaries and letting him come to her. Maybe that's why he fell in love with her to begin with.

Instead of asking him more questions, she merely sat beside him. Turning to face him in her usual criss-cross sitting fashion. That sparkle returned, her hands suddenly going to cup his cheeks. Well, maybe she wasn't good with all boundaries..

"Eh?" It was practically a squeak as her delicate hands pressed to his face.

"Don't cry little one, for I am here to stay. Don't cry little one, the rain will go away. The thunder will sleep and the lightning will disappear. Don't cry little one, for the sun will come and dry your tears."

Her voice was soothing, like a pure river flowing to cover his entire body. Except instead of cool water, she covered him in warmth. Hands moving away from his face and sliding down to wrap her arms around his back. The sorcerer felt himself relax all at once, tears building again in the corners of his eyes. Like a dam that was about to burst.

One that'd been built over 10 years ago and was finally cracking because of her. He tried to hold himself together, worrying the overflow would drown out her light. But as soon as her head laid on his shoulder, and she started to whisper that everything would be okay, Yuta found himself pouring it all out to her.

He pulled her into his chest tightly, his face pressed into her hair as he breathed her in. Long, heavy sobs escaping him as the waves of grief he'd been holding back washed down his features. His usually quiet, gentle voice turning raspy and strained.

It did shake her, how this often soft spoken, selfless man was breaking to bits in her arms. Not because she judged him, not because she was afraid. But because of how so lonely he must have been. How many nights did Yuta cry himself to sleep here, all alone? How many mornings did he awake more tired than he was before he'd gone to bed? Just how much had he suffered without her fully grasping it?

"It's okay.. I'm here, it'll be okay"

Is all that she could mutter to him between her own tiny sobs. Hands tight in his nightshirt as the two took the brunt of his pain together.

It was almost like for a small moment, he wasn't a Jujutsu sorcerer anymore. He was just him, in her arms, raw and bare before her. She'd stripped any sort of armor he'd covered his heart in, crossed any distance in a single stride. With a single touch of her hand.

It put him in awe as he slowly regained his composure, sniffling and bringing the back of his hand to wipe his eyes. All the weight in his chest from before seemed to diminish while he held onto her. He let out a long sigh before finally, be it reluctantly, letting her go and falling onto his back. His tired eyes looked up at her from below.

She gave him her award winning grin, her eyes meeting her cheeks before closing. He lifted his hand to swipe a tear off her cheek with his thumb, genuinely smiling back at her this time.

"I guess the sun did dry my tears."

He laughed as more drops fell from his dull blue eyes; of which for the first time in years had a glimmer of hope. Sunlight always comes after rainfall, after all.

#yuta okkotsu x reader #yuuta x reader #yuta okkotsu #jujutsu gojo #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk fluff #jjk okkotsu #reader insert #hurt/comfort #✰mari writes

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wisebeth · 5 months

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one thing i love about percy jackson and annabeth chase is how they're both the sunshine to each other's midnight rain.

percy's childhood wasn't an easy one. and when he finds camp half-blood, the closest thing to a safe place, his life was still filled with constant quests, monster attacks, tragedy, near-death experience, war, tartarus and a lifetime of trauma. yet, yet, in the midst of all the chaos annabeth was his biggest source of comfort. when he met aphrodite he saw annabeth. when he bathed in styx he saw annabeth. when he lost his memories he remembered annabeth. when he saw her falling in hell, he chose to follow her to the world of dead over everything else. he dreams to settle down and grow old with her. his past and present was filled with struggles and trauma yet his dream to have a future with annabeth keeps him going. she was the happiest and best thing which happened to him since sally and even if his life is an exhausting one, as long as he has annabeth, he will always have something to look forward to.

annabeth's childhood was equally bad. this girl was desperate to be loved properly almost all her life, only to be constantly denied or abandoned. her step mother resented her and her father chose his other family, forcing her to run away. luke promised her a family, only to betray her and leave her broken. thalia was tragically killed and when she was brought back to life, she chose a new life with hunters. and then there's percy, who continued to chose her over and over and over again. when annabeth was kidnapped, no one was as desperate as percy to rescue her. when she was stabbed, no one acted as frantic as percy. when she was falling in tartarus, percy didn't think twice before jumping after her. whenever she felt she's be abandoned again, he proved her wrong. and loved her unconditionally to go to hell and back for her. he promised her he will never let her get away from him. and he kept his word.

#percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #hoo #annabeth #annabeth chase #percabeth #percy and annabeth #percy x annabeth #percy series #in my percabeth brainrot again #pjo live adaptation #pjo disney+

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