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bsstories · 1 year

Text

Teach Me?

Pairing: mikasa ackerman x fem!reader

Rating: nsfw, mature, 18+. MDNI

Word Count: tba, wrote this on mobile LMAO

Genre: smut, fluff, friends-to-lovers, modern au, college au

summary: you & mikasa were childhood best friends that told each other everything. mikasa opens up about her struggles with intimacy and you show her the ropes.

tags/warnings: friends-to-lovers, modern au, college au, fluff, smut (mutual masturbation, guided masturbation, kissing/making out, groping/heavy petting, fingering, oral (f. receiving), praise, light body worship, use of pet names (baby, beautiful, angel, etc.), blacking out after an orgasm) (as usual, if i missed anything, lmk!)

You and Mikasa have been friends since childhood. Ever since you had met, you were attached at the hip. And despite having ups and downs like anyone else, you found yourselves closer than ever during college.

Mikasa has always been the innocent one, the one with that soft, wide-eyed naivety that comes with inexperience. Despite being smart as a whip and wildly talented in everything she does, underneath her quietly dangerous facade is nothing but a quiet, blushing virgin. You, on the other hand, were full of knowledge when it came to sex and pleasure, and though your attempts to help your dear friend learn would suggest otherwise, she could never quite get past her fear of her own body and intimacy. You regularly discuss her hang ups with pleasure but Mikasa was still painfully clueless when it came to her own body.

You didn’t necessarily blame her; in all the time you’ve known her, she’s prioritized her studies and the people she loved above all else. Valedictorian, avid community member, and overall saint, Mikasa never had the time to unwind and explore herself. Sure, her diet was almost as clean as it could be and she was stronger than most of your friends in terms of physical strength, but she was never one to give in the curious voice in the back of her head that urged her to figure out what the hype around masturbation and sex was all about.

One day you’re hanging out together at home alone, trying your best to study but ultimately failing and instead favoring talking about anything and everything else.

You were sat cross-legged on her bed, snacking on some random trail mix you found in your pantry and listening to Mikasa rant about a god-awful date she had gone on the previous weekend. It seemed to only get worse the more she went on and on more than one occasion you had to stop her just to drop in a casual, “what the fuck” or “you’re kidding, right?”

“And then,” she huffed, frustratedly pushing her inky black fringe out of her face, “after making out for no more than ten minutes or so, the fucker goes, ‘can’t we just like… stick it in?’ Can you believe that? It’s the first fucking date! We’re in his mom’s 2007 Toyota corolla! And he wants to just stick his dick in me? He doesn’t even know my last name!”

A disbelieving but amused laugh escapes you as you listen to the animated re-telling of Mikasa’s quite tragic excuse of a date. “I’m assuming you didn’t,” you begin, “you know, just stick it in?”

Mikasa huffs out an airy laugh. “I- no. No, I didn’t. He- he did finger me though.”

Your hand halts halfway to your mouth, your jaw dropped in surprise. If you had loosened your fingers any more, the handful of trail mix you held would have made a mess all over Mikasa’s grey bedsheets.

“He- you let him finger you?” you repeat disbelievingly.

“Well, yeah? Sort of? I mean, he could only get one finger in because I was too squirmy to let him use any more than that. It didn’t last super long.”

“You were okay with it, right? You gave consent and everything?”

“I did, don’t worry. Honestly, I think I was just hoping that since I was kinda interested in the guy I’d actually feel something for once,” she said dejectedly, visibly deflating at the thought.

You sit up a little straighter, pushing the half-empty bowl away from you. “But you said you weren’t super comfortable with him, right? Mikasa, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you’re hardly comfortable getting yourself off.”

She seemed to become very interested in her chipped red nail polish then, her head hung as she wrung her fingers together anxiously. “I know. I guess… I guess I was just hoping that this time would be… different? I wanted to feel normal for once, not like something’s wrong with me.”

The words barely leave her lips before you’re on your knees, pulling the girl into a tight hug. You feel her relax against you, arms wrapping around your shoulders. “Mik, I promise you there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nobody just knows what they like when it comes to sex; it’s a learning curve. There is absolutely nothing wrong with still figuring out what your body does or doesn’t like and clearly this guy wasn’t the right person to help you discover those things.”

Mikasa seems to freeze up a bit at that, slowly pulling away from your embrace. From behind her bangs, you can see how pink her face had gotten.

“Okay… um… I’m going to say something, and before you react, let me finish first, okay?” the words come out in a rush, something you’re not used to when it comes to Mikasa. She was strikingly well-spoken, incredibly intelligent and articulate. It was rare to see her stumble over her words the way she was right now.

“I- yeah, of course. Go ahead, love.”

Mikasa sucks in a breath. You can’t tell if it’s to mentally prepare herself from whatever it was she was going to ask you or because of the affectionate pet name that happened to slip out when you responded to her. “So… I was thinking… You’ve been trying to help me with this whole sex thing for a long time now and you’re the only person I have ever been comfortable talking to about all of this… You’re my best friend and the person I trust more than anyone… and I don’t want what I’m going to ask to change or ruin anything at all, but I’m getting a bit desperate and -“

“Mikasa, you’re starting to freak me out. What is it?” you interrupt. And you weren’t lying. Her rambling was so out of the ordinary that it was probably way more concerning than what she was so scared to ask.

“Canyouteachmehowtomasturbate?” she rushed out finally.

You sit there for a moment, processing. It takes a second to understand what she said since it all came out in one breath, and then another second to recognize what it was she was asking you to do. And for the second time tonight, you feel your jaw drop.

“I- what?” you say intelligently.

Mikasa avoids your gaze but you can still see the embarrassment in her expression and the nervous fidgeting she’s doing with her hands. It’s rather cute.

You raise your eyebrows at your own thought. Where the hell did that come from? Your best friend asks you to teach her how to masturbate and immediately you’re attracted to her?

But… how immediate was it really? Mikasa was objectively very beautiful. She had a kind heart and intelligence beyond words. Her physical beauty only reflected how gorgeous her soul was. Sure, you’ve always admired her, but it was never anything more than a friend appreciating a friend… or was it?

Mikasa was your rock, the person you cared about more than anything. You didn’t think something like this could ruin the relationship you two had, but who knows? All you knew was that you’d be damned if you lost her just because of some sort of post-vulnerable-moment awkwardness.

You brushed your thoughts away and grounded yourself by pinching your thigh. Mikasa was your best friend. And she needed your help.

“You know what, never mind. That was such a stupid thing to say, I’m so sorry I even mentioned it-”

“Okay.”

This time, it was Mikasa’s turn to freeze up. You almost laughed at how cute she looked completely and utterly shocked. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as if she was trying to find the words to respond but couldn’t.

Eventually, “I- okay? Okay, like…”

“Okay, like, I’ll help you.” You said.

Mikasa stared at you like she couldn’t believe you had agreed.

You take a deep breath. This was going to be interesting. “Um… I guess the absolute first step is going to be getting yourself into the mood.”

Your ebony-haired friend seemed to suddenly snap out of her disbelief at your words. “Woah, we’re gonna start right now?”

“I’m sorry, did you want to postpone this to later? Do you have somewhere else to be right now?”

Mikasa shoves your shoulder, face red-hot with embarrassment. “Oh, fuck off. You know I’m awkward with these things.”

“That’s what we’re trying to fix right now, babe,” you answer smugly. The girl across from you rolls her eyes.

“Fine. How do you suggest I ‘get in the mood’?”

“I mean personally, I’m always horny,” Mikasa snickers in response. You decide to ignore her. “But to get me going I usually will read some smut or just start teasing myself if I have the time and patience.”

“Sure, but… I get horny too and nothing really comes from it. Literally, I guess.” You both giggle at her unintentional pun. “My biggest problem is that I don’t know how… I don’t know what…”

“You don’t know how to touch yourself?”

Mikasa flushes, avoiding your gaze. After a beat or two, she nods in affirmation. You suck in a breath.

“Do you want me to show you?”

Silence.

And then, “Yes.”

Time freezes for a moment and you find yourself unable to breathe. You certainly weren’t expecting your study date to be productive, but there was no way you could’ve guessed it was going to turn out to be a tutoring session for masturbation. But looking at your best friend now, all pink-faced and embarrassed, big doe eyes wide with incredulity and chest heaving in anticipation, you can’t say you’re disappointed with how the day turned out.

Wordlessly, you start to shed your jacket, letting it drop off the side of the bed with a near-silent plop. Mikasa watches you intently as you go to grip the hem of your t-shirt and then nods when you look at her questioningly, a silent request for permission.

You’ve seen each other in only underwear - sometimes less - countless times. This wasn’t new or different for you two by any means. But the context, the atmosphere, could not be less similar.

“I’m going to show you what I do, and then if you’re comfortable with it, you can start to copy me.” you say softly.

“Okay.” Mikasa responds almost breathlessly, watching as you continue to strip until you’re left in only your underwear.

You had to admit, there was something strangely erotic about the situation you found yourself in right now. Thinking about your frustratingly attractive best friend watching you as you got yourself off was more hot than you’d thought it would be.

“I always get myself comfortable. I don’t like being fully dressed when I masturbate if I can avoid it… it gets too hot. It’s also just easier to tease and work yourself up if you have easier access to your own body,” You explain. You lean against Mikasa’s headboard clad in only your bra and panties and slowly begin to trail your fingertips over your breasts and stomach.

“This would probably be around the time I get some reading material or porn out if I’m feeling frustrated. But I don’t really need it right now,” you’ve started to ramble as you realize just how quiet and focused Mikasa had become. Her gaze was locked on to your hands, watching with an unreadable expression as you traced the cups of your bra and underwire. You clear your throat and continue, “I’m not the most sensitive around my tits unless I’m about to get my period. So right now, for instance, they’re a lot more tender than usual.”

You take a deep breath before finally pulling the cups of your bra down, exposing your chest to your best friend and to the cool bedroom. Your fingertips instinctually travel to your nipples and begin to play around with them, rolling them between your thumb and forefingers and giving them an occasional tug. “I kinda skip this bit when I’m super sexually frustrated but for the sake of… what would you even call this? A demonstration?” You giggle nervously for the sake of it, Mikasa half-heartedly joining in. Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth in a way that almost seemed painful. “You okay, Mik?”

Dark brown, almost black eyes snap back up to meet yours. Her cheeks flush pink as if she just realized that she had been caught staring. “Oh… yeah, yeah I’m good.”

You nod slowly. Without even really thinking about it, you reach around your back and unclip the restrictive garment, sighing in relief as it loosens and falls to the top of the bed. “God, I hate those things.”

Your fingers find their way to your mouth as you subconsciously wet them and bring them back to your hardened nipples, a small gasp escaping you at the feeling.

“Now is usually about when I get myself more… wet, I guess? Jeez, it’s so weird saying this all out loud,” you comment quietly. “I love lightly stroking my inner thighs. They’re super sensitive and usually get me going the quickest.”

You shift a bit more in an attempt to get yourself comfy. Then you realize that you literally have to spread your legs in front of your best friend, who you realize, again, has fallen uncharacteristically silent for the nth time that evening. But the familiar warmth in your lower tummy and the thrumming in your veins prevents you from thinking too much of it, rather encouraging you to get on with the demonstration.

You were so consumed with the details that you hadn’t even realized that your attempts to get yourself horny had worked just as well as usual, if not more so.

Without any further hesitation, you spread your legs, essentially presenting your absolutely sopping pussy to your best friend. You follow through with your own instructions, carefully tracing your inner thighs with your fingers and gradually getting closer and closer to your core.

“At this point,” you breathe out. “I may start teasing myself over my underwear.” Your fingers dance over your panty-clad clit and you sigh, your hips pushing forward into your hand. You can feel the way your body reacts to even the slightest touches, your chest heaving and breath quickening, and you forget to say any sort of bullshit before you strip off your panties completely.

Your fingers find your opening almost out of instinct and you’re startled by how slick you’ve become; you were positively gushing, your arousal covering every inch of your folds and dripping down your labia. “I always start with clit stimulation,” you say quickly, fingers finding the bud with practiced ease and beginning to rub slow, steady circles around it. You hum contentedly. “If I’m too lazy to use my fingers or just wanna blow off some steam, I’ll just use my vibrator. But my fingers almost always give me the best orgasm.”

You pick up the pace, rubbing diligent circles around your clit and melting into the bed beneath you. The pleasure is so intense that you lose yourself in it, wholly forgetting that your best friend is there.

But Mikasa?

She is far too invested in the sight in front of her.

Mikasa has always found you stunning. The first time you guys met was when she first asked her mother if she could marry a girl one day if she wanted to. And while she never actively pursued anything past friendship with you, she still loved you dearly. Her attraction to you was just simply never enough to get in the way of your relationship.

But now? Watching you, in your birthday suit, getting lost in your own pleasure and body with little care or hesitation? She’s not sure she can justify putting that attraction on the back burner any longer. The way your back arches off her lush comforter, the way your hips buck every so often when you hit your clit ever so perfectly, the way your nose and eyes scrunch as you let bliss overtake your senses… Mikasa can’t honestly say she has ever seen anything more beautiful.

The little whimpers and sighs that fall from your bitten lips are music to her ears, a song she wants to listen to on repeat until the end of time. When you open your eyes once more to look at her and say, “eventually… eventually I’ll slip a finger or two in”, Mikasa nearly ascends.

The lips and folds of your pussy are absolutely soaked, puffy and swollen from arousal and stimulation. They were drenched in your juices and glistening like gems. When your middle finger finally slips into your waiting hole, Mikasa can’t help the moan that leaves her lips and mixes in with your own, a perfect harmony.

Whether you hear it or not is irrelevant, especially when masturbating has almost never felt this intense. Mikasa watching you has had a much stronger affect than you could have ever anticipated. Thinking about how she looks at you, imagining that your hand was her own has you squirming, your walls clenching and contracting with every new image your mind conjures up.

Suddenly, you’re broken out of your own daydreams by the sound of a zipper being undone. Your eyes snap open in time to see Mikasa shakily pulling off her jeans. The blush that had stubbornly remained dusted on her nose and cheeks had spread down to her chest, which was now flushed a bashful pink. Her tits - ones you’ve always envied for their sheer perfection - were hardly contained by the pathetic excuse of a shirt she wore, nipples hard and poking through the thin cotton. You’re about to beg her to take it off when she shucks it off with the same urgency her jeans came off with.

“Gonna join me?” You smile softly, slowing your fingers but not ever stopping. Mikasa looks at you, pupils blown wide and chest heaving.

“I… I can’t just watch. Feels like torture,” she answers quickly. You suck in a breath as she situates herself opposite of you, spreading her legs in similar fashion as you and never breaking eye contact. It takes herculean effort to not ogle at her chest, but you know that if you even snuck a peak, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from sucking one of her tits into your mouth. Instead, your gaze drops to her pussy, which looks almost as, if not more, wet than your own. Her pastel pink panties were nearly sheer from her arousal. “I don’t think I need to do any of the teasing,” she says bluntly. You nod your head eagerly in agreement.

You dip two fingers into your hole at that point and can’t hold back the moan that leaves you. The stretch was delightful, the curl of your fingertips even more so.

Mikasa’s patience snaps. Her panties are off in a flash and her hand snakes down to her core. She’s pleasantly shocked by how wet she’d gotten, but she hardly has enough time to register the satisfaction before she hears…

“Mikasa…” you sigh.

Your best friend whines in desperation after hearing the way you moaned her name, starting her first attempt to mimic the motions you showed her earlier. Her middle and ring finger trace clumsy but eager circles around her clit… or at least the general vicinity of it. You watch in fascination as the ebony-haired girl takes her bottom lip between her teeth in concentration and quickens the pace of her fingers.

“Whoa, okay. Slow down a bit, Mik, it’s not a race,” you chuckle lightly, your own motions slowing down to prevent yourself from cumming too quick. “Slowly, gently… Okay?”

Mikasa hums in affirmation, slowing her circles just a bit. You watch as her slender fingers play with her simply stunning pussy with both a sense of teacher-like criticism and lust-induced arousal.

“Your clit’s gonna be a little higher than that. Right about,” you draw out the vowels, reaching to grab her wrist with your clean hand and directing it a bit higher. “here.”

At that moment you both look up, realizing how startlingly close you were. Though she was leaning back on her one free hand, you were practically hovering over her; your faces were mere inches apart, so close that you could feel the light puffs of her exhales on your burning face. Mikasa’s eyes dart between your own before falling to your lips. Your tongue subconsciously darts out to wet them.

The girl across from you groans, hanging her head. “You… you’re gonna need to stop doing that,” she sighs. Her head drops to avoid eye contact, out of embarrassment or frustration you don’t know. You raise an eyebrow, tilting your head and trying to regain eye contact with her.

Your words die in your throat. The gaze you’re locked in with your best friend is way more than just intense. You can’t seem to look away, not that you’d really want to in the first place. Mikasa looks desperate in a way you’ve never seen before, pupils blown out completely and breath coming out in short pants.

You can’t resist dragging your eyes over her figure this time; her whole body was covered in a light layer of sweat and glimmered under the purple LED lights in her room. The hand you had a hold on was trembling slightly and you moved to grab on to it reassuringly. It’s quiet enough in her room that you can still hear the sound of her gulping over the low music you had switched on earlier. You couldn’t seem to take your eyes off of her, letting your gaze move back up to her eyes. “Mik…” you call out softly.

The nickname seems to be her breaking point. Without any apparent hesitation, Mikasa sits up and presses her lips to yours, locking them in a gentle yet searing kiss. You can’t help but make a small noise of surprise in the back of your throat, but as her previously busy hand slowly travels up your arm to cup the back of your neck, you find yourself melting into her body.

Her lips are some of the softest, if not the softest, you’ve ever felt in your whole life. As she began to move her mouth against yours it took everything in you to not audibly curse yourself out for holding back for so long. You let your body react the way you’ve always wanted it to, your arm snaking around Mikasa’s waist and pulling her body flush against your own. She gasps into your mouth but you silence it almost immediately with your tongue, trying to memorize the feeling and taste of hers. She clings to your shoulders as you lean back, propping herself up on your lap with your chests pressing against one another’s.

Every inch of skin that makes contact with Mikasa’s feels as if it’s aflame, each matching heartbeat sending blood rushing to your head and heat spreading down to your pussy. Your hands are insatiable, never lingering in one place for too long and desperately trying to feel every dip and curve of your best friend’s figure. They eventually settle in her unusually wild ebony hair, tangling up in the soft strands and gently maneuvering her so you had access to her neck.

You find yourself pressing frantic, open-mouthed kisses along her jugular, nipping and sucking more and more as you make your way closer to her chest. Her sweet moans and little whimpers spur you on, motivating you to wordlessly worship every bit of her body.

“Mikasa,” you breathe, pulling away for a moment. You heard her whine quietly and see her try to chase your lips with her own, but your tightened grip in her hair stops her. “Baby… please let me help you make you feel good.”

The girl in your arms freezes for a second, processing your words. Maybe it’s because even after making out with you for a few blissful moments she still isn’t sure how she found herself in this situation, or perhaps she was still nervous about her past experiences getting in her way of having a good time. But after a moment of thinking about it, however, she nods eagerly. “Please,” she finds herself whispering against your lips, feeling the wetness between her legs grow exponentially just thinking about what you wanted to do to her.

You grin and kiss her again, this time long and slow… it’s sensual, the way your lips slide against one another’s, the way her fingertips lightly trace the curve of your chest and stomach. Your hands find their home on Mikasa’s hips and you gently guide her off of your lap.

Long, lean legs fall open for you almost as soon as Mikasa finds herself on her bed again. You vaguely register her getting herself situated, leaning back on her elbows and readjusting her hips, and instead find yourself (once again) being absolutely entranced by her pussy.

“What do you want, Mik?” you ask quietly, shifting your gaze up to her own as you lowered yourself to your stomach. Your face was only mere inches away from Mikasa’s dripping hole and it took some of the most intense self control of your life to stop yourself from diving straight in. You could hear Mikasa’s breath hitch as you let your hands rest on the insides of her thighs, your fingers kneading at her soft skin.

“You already know.” she says shakily, gripping on to her bedsheets in anticipation as your touch moved closer and closer to where she wanted you most.

“I need to hear you say it.”

Mikasa feels trapped in your stare, like your eyes were boring into her soul. But, strangely, she didn’t feel nervous or scared. Instead, all she felt was intense longing and lust, want that scratched at her heart and throat and threatened to come spilling out the more you worked her up. She takes a deep, shuddering breath before finally admitting, “I- I want you to make me cum.”

From between her legs, you smile up at her fondly, feeling both proud of her courage and endeared by her desire.

Wordlessly, you lower your face down to her cunt, and without breaking eye contact you take your first confident lick.

Both of you groan in unison, Mikasa in response to the most intense and pleasurable sensation she’s ever felt and you in response to how damn good she tasted. You can’t seem to stop yourself anymore now that you’ve finally gotten a taste of her, eagerly beginning to lick her out.

Mikasa is in heaven right now. She’s convinced that you’re an absolute goddess, a gift from above sent to her for… well, she can’t even begin to imagine what she had to have done to deserve you as she watches your eyes unfocus, losing yourself in her pussy. She feels like she can barely breathe while you have your mouth on her, the tip of your tongue prodding at her entrance and flicking at her clit. When you wrap your perfect lips around the bud and give it the first little suck, she has to bite down on her tongue to prevent too embarrassing a sound from coming out.

You’re not the tidiest person to begin with, but you eat Mikasa out like a starved woman, your spit and her slick absolutely soaking the bottom half of your face. You can’t help yourself. Not when Mikasa makes the prettiest noises and pulls on your hair the way she does.

“F-fuck, baby,” she swears under her breath. You hum in response, looking up at her with wide, doe eyes, at which she promptly curses again. It’s a difficult task, pulling yourself away from her, but you manage. Mikasa whines but you shush her softly, your hand moving from her thigh to her folds to keep her stimulated.

“How’re you feeling, angel?” You ask gently, fingertips rubbing slow, tight circles on her clit.

Mikasa looks positively wrecked. But she attempts a weak smile. “You’re too good at this,” she replies. You chuckle, letting your middle finger slide down her folds and push into her hole. Your best friend sighs, letting her head tip back.

“Well, it’s not hard when the company’s good,” you say. She laughs a bit at that but it’s cut off by a strangled moan when you finally let yourself play with her tits. You decide that this is your new favorite spot: two fingers in your best friend’s cunt with your lips wrapped around her nipples.

Your fingers feel around and curl to find the spot that you know will make Mikasa see stars. You know you’ve found it when she cries out, hips jumping off the bed and back arching. The grin that spreads on your face is uncontainable.

“There we go,” you sigh, quickening the pace of your fingers and making sure you hit that same spot over and over again.

Mikasa isn’t sure she’s ever made this much noise with a partner but she can’t bring herself to care in that moment. She can’t seem to control her body anymore either, her hips seemingly working as if they had a mind of their own. The sounds of your fingers sliding in and out of her pussy are downright lewd, and the rhythmic squelching mixed with her moans is pornographic is every sense of the word.

When you trail kisses down her navel and back onto her cunt, Mikasa’s world explodes. Your fingertips are hitting the same delicious spot over and over again and your lips are busy with her clit, tongue sweeping harsh and deliberate licks on it in time with your fingers. An unfamiliar feeling fills her lower stomach, a warmth that travels down her legs and up her torso. It’s like a rubber band growing more and more taut, seconds away from snapping. And with one particular hand movement, it breaks.

Mikasa bites her lip so hard it bleeds as she cums more violently than you’ve ever seen before, her whole body shuddering like… well, like it was finally releasing two decades of built up tension. You’re deliberate in your movements, riding out the most intense orgasm you’ve ever seen as you savor the taste of her release and gently remove your fingers.

You look up and almost panic when you see Mikasa limp on the bed before you, but you’re reassured by her quiet, indiscernible murmuring. When you finally realize what had happened, you can’t stop yourself from laughing a little bit.

She passed out.

Oh, you are never gonna let her live this down.

Somehow, Mikasa finds herself laying in her bed with you laid out right beside her. She frowns; both of you are still as naked as the day you were born, but you had the courtesy to throw one of Mikasa’s homemade quilts over your bodies to conserve a bit of her remaining dignity.

“Wait… What just-”

“Think you might’ve blacked out for a second,” you giggle. Mikasa gapes at you and you can’t help but laugh harder. Your amusement seems to bring her back to the present though and she slaps your arm with a scoff.

“Shut up.”

“Oh, so now you wanna act all tough, huh?” you tease, nudging her with your elbow.

“Fuck off, I don’t have to tell you that was great.” she says. You smile at her, hand reaching over to push some of her hair out of her face. Your grin only grows when she lets her head lean into your palm.

“You certainly don’t.”

“You are insufferable.”

“You love me.”

“You’re right, I do.”

Now, that seems to catch you both off guard. Mikasa flushes bright red and avoids your eyes as you stare at her.

“What?”

“I- yeah, I mean. I thought that much was obvious?” It doesn’t seem to be a question but it comes out like one. Mikasa still won’t meet your gaze.

“Mikasa, if it were as obvious as you think it was I don’t think it would’ve taken nearly this long for anything to happen between us.”

Mikasa’s eyes widen in realization.

“You’re probably right.”

“I know I am. Looks like both of us are just a little hopeless when it comes to some of this stuff.”

You both snort at the vast understatement.

A beat of silence passes before you add. “I love you, too.”

When you turn to look at the girl beside you, you find that she had already been staring at you, looking very deep in thought. Your face burns at the intensity of her stare and you clear your throat. Mikasa’s gaze refocuses instantly and she blushes, knowing she absolutely got caught.

“What, something on my face?”

“No, I guess I just wasn’t expecting…”

“Expecting me to say it back?“

Mikasa nods solemnly. Your heart swells, a cocktail of different emotions swirling around your chest like a hurricane. But somehow, it doesn’t feel overwhelming or bad. It just sits there, stalling.

“I think I only just figured it out for myself, to be honest,” you admit. “‘Cause I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship over a crush. But I guess it’s more than that. And I think it’s always been more than that… I’ve just been…”

“Scared?” Mikasa finished.

Now it’s your turn to nod. “I don’t regret it though. Any of this,” you say firmly. “In fact, I think this may be one of the best things that has ever happened to me.”

Mikasa smiles, a beautiful, real grin that lights up her equally stunning face.

“We can definitely agree on that.”

Silence again. Relieved, comfortable silence. It’s rather comforting.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Mikasa sighs, meeting your stare again. You blush, opening your mouth to respond before she continues, “And… I was thinking…”

“By all means, keep doing that. If this is anything like the last time I’m sure I’ll like whatever you’re coming up with,” you joke, playing with the hand that wasn’t currently pillowing Mikasa’s face. Her skin is pretty tough, calloused and strong from years of lifting and working out. But somehow her hands still seemed delicate, almost doll-like. You couldn’t help but be fascinated by them, interlacing your fingers together in wonder.

Mikasa’s heart stutters at the tender gesture but she’s not deterred by it anymore. “I’d really like to return the favor, if you’re up for it.”

Almost immediately your movements stop. You think your heart stopped as well, for a moment or two. When you finally stop short-circuiting and turn your face to stare at Mikasa in shock, you sputter, “W-wait, return the favor? Like, right now?”

She laughs. “I’m getting deja vu,” Mikasa muses to herself. She sits up, leaning over you and caging your body in her arms. “It’s only fair, dontcha think?”

You feel your whole body burn, desire pushing its way through to the front of your awareness. “I mean… I’m not gonna stop you, but are you sure you want to?” Mikasa chooses that moment to dip her head and nuzzle your cheek, nosing her way to your neck to press soft kisses down your throat.

“I’m sure,” you gasp when you feel her teeth nip the sensitive skin around your collarbone and her lips suck a hickey on to it. “I’m a fast learner but I always pick things up better when I try them hands-on.”

A curious tweak of your nipples makes you moan, back arching into Mikasa’s playful touches. “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” you ask breathlessly, watching the ebony-haired woman play with your tits with a fascinated looked on her face.

Mikasa lets out a low, dare-you-say sexy chuckle that makes you want to press your legs together. “Still here, love, don’t worry.” Her right hand slides up from your chest to your jaw, pulling you into a deep, sensual kiss. The action has her thigh bump into your cunt, the tiny bit of contact against your aching clit making you gasp and moan into her mouth. You feel her grin into your mouth before trailing hot kisses along your jaw, her left hand going to cup your pussy. Your hips push into her palm on their own accord, chasing the feeling of her touch on your most sensitive spots. Mikasa leans into you, lips brushing against your ear. “I want you to tell me how you like it, okay?”

Your eyes widen at her words, feeling more turned on than you had ever felt in your entire life. Nodding, you arch your body into your best friend’s. “Please, Mik,” you whimper.

Wordlessly, the ebony-haired beauty begins trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses down the column of your neck to your chest, sucking little marks as she went. When she finally reached your tits, she glances up at you with a devious little gleam in her eyes before sucking a hard nipple into her mouth. You gasp, hand reaching up to card your fingers through Mikasa’s hair as the woman toys with your breast. Her tongue traces slow, deft circles around it before lightly sucking, her right hand going to play with your other breast.

You twitch in surprise as you feel Mikasa’s left hand beginning to wander, deft fingers curiously gathering your wetness and spreading it around your folds. The action is welcomed, though, as you find yourself utterly melting into her embrace. She giggles against your warm skin and you gasp at the vibrations it creates against your nipple.

“You’re so cute,” she coos, pulling away from your chest to look at you affectionately. She moves on to lavish your other breast with the same thoroughness as the first one and you keen, fingers tightening around her dark strands. You knew you shouldn’t ever underestimate Mikasa, no matter what, but you still found yourself floored at the total 180 she took from being a blushing, scared virgin to this self-assured, dare-you-say erotic woman in front of you in a mere hour. Your best friend was smart beyond words, and her ability to pick up new skills and execute them flawlessly the first time will never cease to amaze you.

Your train of thought is abruptly cut off when Mikasa begins pressing increasingly fast, sloppy kisses from your chest, down your stomach and finally to your inner thighs. A surprise nip to the sensitive skin there causes you to yelp and then giggle, equally aroused and endeared by this new side to the beautiful girl laid out in front of you.

Mikasa was having the time of her life teasing you. She basked in your little sounds, the little gasps and whimpers that escaped you as she marked up your pretty thighs music to her ears. And when she snuck a peak up at your face, watching how your brows furrowed and chest heaved in anticipation, she could feel her stomach clench with the need to please you the way you were able to please her.

As she brought her gaze back down to your center, Mikasa had to bite back a groan. Your pussy was practically begging to be touched with the way it was leaking, the wetness soaking even the delicate skin surrounding your swollen folds. She almost felt bad that you had gotten so close to a release only to stop and help her, but she was determined to fix that for you.

A gasp tore out of your throat when Mikasa finally placed a soft kiss to your clit. After your own attempts to get off and then experiencing something as sexy as watching your best friend come undone for the first time, to say that you were desperate was a bit of an understatement. You spread your legs wider in encouragement, resisting the urge to grab her by the hair and push her closer to you.

When Mikasa’s tongue darted out and took it’s first little lick to your clit, you had to slap your hand over your mouth to stifle the moan that threatened to escape. Mikasa, meanwhile, groaned at your taste and latched her lips around the nub. Her hands gently kneaded at your thighs, keeping you spread for her.

It would be safe to say that you were losing your mind, at least a bit. If you hadn’t known any better, you would’ve thought that the beautiful girl lapping at your folds was a literal pro at eating pussy, her tongue and lips bold in their movements and somehow managing to bring you right to the edge in less that a minute.

“Shit, Mik, you’re a fucking natural,” you sighed, breath hitching when the raven-haired beauty let the tip of her tongue prod at your entrance. She looked up at you through dark, full eyelashes, already dark eyes nearly black with desire.

“I had a good teacher,” she breathed out, a devious smirk playing on her glistening lips as she dove back in with somehow even more enthusiasm than she had originally.

This time, you couldn’t stop yourself from grabbing the top of Mikasa’s head when she wiggled her tongue into your leaking hole, experimenting with different movements and speeds to see what you reacted to.

Truthfully?

You didn’t care what she did. It all felt amazing. The pleasure coursing through your veins was white-hot and suffocating, leaving your brain blissfully empty, aside from the lingering thought of your talented and gorgeous best friend.

She was working magic on you. It was fucking insane to you that she was working you up this well and it was the first time she had ever done it. Though, you supposed it shouldn’t have been too shocking; Mikasa was naturally gifted in basically everything she did. Eating pussy was no exception.

Her lips and tongue were exceptionally soft yet firm, tracing unrecognizable shapes and patterns on and around your clit, alternating between playing with the sensitive bud and sucking at your entrance.

It was like she was everywhere, and in an essence, she was. Her mouth was occupied, but her hands were adventurous and worshipping, running up and down your legs and torso with something akin to reverence. You couldn’t take your eyes off of hers, not that you wanted to to begin with. The adoration and love in her eyes filled you with indescribable warmth, which when paired with some of the most intense pleasure you’ve ever felt in your life, catapulted you to the best orgasm you’ve ever had in minutes.

You came with a cry, thighs threatening to trap Mikasa’s head between them as your body shook from the intensity of it all. She worked you through it, keeping your legs wide open and eagerly lapping up everything that you gave her.

When you finally came down from your high, you felt your arms go limp, hand leaving Mikasa’s head and dropping to your stomach as you tried to catch your breath. Mikasa sat up, licking her lips before wiping the excess away with the back of her hand. She gazed down at you lovingly and crawled over you, capturing your lips in a soft kiss.

“Good?” she whispered questioningly as she pulled away, resting her forehead on yours.

You laughed in disbelief. “Good? Mik, that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had. If that was your first time, I’m almost scared to see what you’ll be like with practice.”

Mikasa laughed, loud and boisterous, hiding her face in the crook of your neck. You smiled to yourself, wrapping her lithe body in your arms and pulling her in closer.

“Well, only one way to find out,” she murmured in your ear, nipping at your earlobe.

“I’ve unleashed a monster,” you breathed out in mock-horror.

Both of you erupted in giggles, holding on to one another tightly.

“Thank you,” Mikasa said, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“I feel like I should be thanking you, love,” you responded, brushing her bangs out of her face. She smiled softly, kissing your palm.

“I think we both got pretty lucky.”

a/n: long time no see, lovelies! hope you enjoyed this :,,) i’ve been working on it for a long, LONG time because my writer’s block has been awful. i’m praying that it was worth the wait. if there are any mistakes or errors, just comment and i’ll try to fix them! <3

mikasa masterlist

aot masterlist

#bsstories #aot #aot fanfiction #aot smut #mikasa #mikasa ackerman smut #mikasa ackerman #mikasa x reader #smut #fluff #snk #shingeki no kyojin

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 4 months

Text

Wonderful World - Part 21**

Thanks for your patience with this one! Finally got around to finishing it! Series Masterlist

Warnings: Mentions of grief, different topics relating to pregnancy, disowning, unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), fingering, cum play

WC: 10.1k

The Christmas holiday had been wonderful with Harry’s parents, Paul and Catherine. They were both so kind and warm towards her, Celeste, and Damian. Harry’s mom, Catherine, absolutely loved Disneyland, she even left with a pair of ears on her head that matched with Diana and Celeste’s. She had also taken a lot of care in getting to know Diana better, she would talk to her more than Harry at times. But Diana understood that she just wanted to get a feel for her and what her intentions were with her son. She did mentioned to Diana how much she loved to see Harry with Celeste; she brought a side out of him that she loved to see from her son. It brought a closeness between Catherine and Diana and even Damian, who had served as the sole paternal figure of sorts for Celeste until Harry came along into their lives.

Harry’s instinct about Celeste and his dad getting on well was correct. He, Celeste, and Paul did have a jam session or two during their visit. Paul was so smart and gentle, like Harry. It was evident to her that he really wanted to nourish his relationship with Harry and they spent a lot of time together when they didn’t have plans with Diana and her family.

Harry shared with her that he had of course explained to them how they were proceeding with sharing their relationship with Celeste soon. They had decided to do so after the New Year, they’d have breakfast and talk about it with her. And he told Diana that his parents were very insightful and offered him some advice about how to proceed in this relationship, which Harry took to heart because he truly wanted the relationship to succeed with Diana.

************

Damian had started to join Harry for his workout sessions while he was in town and it gave them a chance to get to know each other better as well. Harry had learned a lot about Damian and Diana’s family, their dynamic, and of course with her permission, Damian shared a lot of the things that were a bit harder for her to share with others about her family life growing up. Damian of course, wanted to ensure that he wasn’t giving Harry the lowdown on his sister for nothing at all, so as they had some coffee after their workout he decided to bring this up.

“Hey, so obviously I think you’re a great guy and you’ve really come through for Di and Celeste.”

“Yeah, it’s been wonderful to do so.” Harry assured.

“Yeah? Not too crazy?” Damian asked with a smile.

“I mean, a little crazy at times…” he confessed, “But not in a bad way at all.” He smiled.

“Well thank you for sticking around.”

“I said I’d do my best to.” He reminded and Damian smiled.

“So this whole thing with Di? I mean you think it’s the real deal?” He asked and Harry nodded.

“Oh definitely.” He smiled, “I’ve never felt more complete or happy with the way things are going with her. And now that Celeste is more or less wanting this to happen between us, it seems like the perfect time to give it a real shot. We’ve talked about it, what we want, and we’re on the same page.”

“And what is that?”

“We want to have a life together eventually. We want our relationship to progress as normally as possible, no rushing into anything just because the feelings are there, you know?”Damian nodded, “Obviously, her life is already established with Celeste and we also don’t want to make abrupt changes. Like we’re still gonna have our own places, keep our relationship as private as possible so that we can work on things together without any pressure from Celeste-”

“Good call. She is eager for you two to get together.” He chuckled and Harry did as well.

“I know…we’re going to tell her after New Year’s. Just going to have a proper chat with her about it and share what we want. What boundaries we’re going to have, that sort of thing.”

“Good. She can be real meddlesome…” Damian chuckled, “Especially if she’s invested.”

“Oh, I am aware…” Harry smiled. “But yeah, this is not just a placeholder for me. This is what I want. I mean, I didn’t know it until it was happening that I was…missing something, you know?”

“I ummm…I don’t actually. Not yet, at least.” Damian admitted with a bit of embarrassment.

“That’s alright. I mean, is it something you want?” He asked and Damian smiled.

“Not yet…or like, I haven’t felt that yet. Ever.”

“You’ve never had your heart broken?” Harry asked and Damian shook his head.

“Nope, never…”

“Really?” He asked in a bit of disbelief.

“Yeah…” Damian chuckled, “I have had a lot of relationships and it’s not like I never cared about those people but I just don’t…want everything else. And of course, the women I’m with think they’ll change my mind if they take good care of me and all…and when it comes up and I tell them that nothing has changed for me, they get hurt and so I…feel like an ass.”

“Some people are just meant to be alone, you know?”

“Well, I’m the heir to my parents’ empire, they expect me to have an heir of my own so…that’s where it gets a bit weird.” He chuckled and Harry nodded in understanding.

“And Di is just, completely out of the picture?” He asked.

“Oh yeah…I mean, after what happened at your practice my mom said herself that she would always hold that against her. She’s never broken a promise to me in my entire life so…”

“Fuck…I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t be. You were right in what you did. No one as ever stood up to her or ever called her out for any of it except Diana. My dad isn’t like that but he…he’d rather not go up against her. She’s the boss.” He chuckled.

“Women are always the boss.” Harry smiled.

“They are smarter…” Damian confessed, “There’s this woman from our branch in Spain? Lola.” He smiled and Harry nodded, “She’s just an assistant but man is she fucking brilliant.” He smiled, “Her boss, our chief marketing strategist for that branch, runs all his ideas by her. I overheard it once before a big board meeting. She was explaining to him what it was he needed to say. After the meeting, which he totally rocked, I approached her about it, she played dumb…I told her I saw and overheard it as they were prepping and I offered a new job and a raise and she turned it down. Said she was happy doing what she was doing. Says it every time I bring it up to her.”

“Do you like her?” Harry asked.

“She’s fascinating but no. Kind of reminds me of Di, so I look out for her a lot.” He explained, “She’s fucking brilliant, you know? Diana got into Columbia all on her own.”

“Yeah, she told me about that.” Harry smiled.

“I know she’s been through a lot of shit but sometimes I wonder what her life would be like if none of it would have happened, you know? Where would she be? Where would I be?”

“Where do you think she’d be?”

“In Mexico City, buried beneath a mountain of HR paperwork at our corporation’s HQ.” He said and Harry couldn’t envision that. “She got accepted into the Business Management concentration at Columbia, very competitive as an undergrad. She minored in psychology, wanted to do things along the social psychology area though and then do graduate work in HR Management. She didn’t want to be in the business. But there was a whole fucking plan, obviously, it wasn’t really her plan…” Damian explained, “It’s what she was expected to do. So she had to spin it in a way in which she could still do something she cared about so that she could…survive. I mean, she’s always loved and cared for people, so I think she would’ve been alright going down that route for a bit. But I think she would’ve been put in challenging situations that made her choose things that in her eyes weren’t right. And I don’t know if I’m awful for saying this, but as much pain as she’s experienced, maybe it was for the best? Because she would be so miserable. Absolutely hate her life if it were anything other than this…” Damian said, “She’s happy now, doing something she loves.”

“How’d she get into the whole Spanish thing?”

“Well in terms of our culture, she’s always loved it, since we were kids. She was taking a class at Columbia about Latin American culture as an elective and well, when she transferred to another school she just stuck with that because she really liked it. I supposed it was also a comfort thing for her. There was so much pain and uncertainty in her life at that time that it was easier to stick to something she knew well and was familiar with, you know?”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Harry hummed, “But I think you’re right, she’s much happier doing what she loves, free to choose for herself than to be stuck doing something she hates. And well, we would’t have Celeste…” Harry said.

“Exactly. I think everything happens for a reason. And well, my sister’s life had gone according to my parents’ plan until she refused to terminate her pregnancy. She lost a lot, but she gained her freedom and found herself and I think that’s the most important thing to her anyway. And well, ultimately all of those things led you two together, which also has been great for her and Celeste. So I have to believe it all happened how it was supposed to.”

“Who knows, but I assure you that as long as she wants me in her life, I will be here and I will take care of her and Celeste.”

“I know you will. I trust you with them, that’s big for me.” Damian shared.

“Well thank you for trusting me.”

“You’ve earned it.” Damian assured. “If I knew that my family could be…different, I think I would be more open to marriage and kids…but my parents are just great at…sucking the life out of everything. I don’t want to bring anyone into that. Seems very irresponsible to me.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Harry nodded, “It’s why I never wanted kids of my own.”

“Your sweet old parents traumatized you?!” Damian asked in surprise and Harry chuckled.

“I think all of our parents traumatize us in a way. They’re wonderful people, don’t get me wrong, but when you’re a child you just want them around. And I grew up feeling like they loved their work more than me. And being the child of two renowned psychiatrists brings a crippling self awareness at a very young age.” He chuckled, “I viewed my parents exactly as they are from a very young age. Just regular, flawed people who made good and bad choices, like everyone else…” he sighed, “And I was resentful for a long time. The idea of coming to America, not wanting to have kids, that was initially born out of spite for them. Like Diana, I wanted my freedom. But as I got older and I fell in love with the field for myself I realized that my plan to leave and not reproduce was still what I wanted, just my intentions were wrong before. I didn’t and still don’t want to take on the legacy of what they’ve built across Europe. I think it’s great, but they hardly get to practice, which is where my heart lies. I’ve poured myself into my work and that wouldn’t be fair to my partner or my child, you know?”

“Exactly!” Damian agreed with enthusiasm, “I felt like my work with the family was an obligation before but when I delved in I fell in love with it. And I’m good at it, better than my father is. I want to make it better and that requires a lot of my time and dedication.” He said, “So, did your mind change about what you wanted? Like do you want to have kids now? With my sister?”

“Oh no, I also just don’t like babies.” Harry confessed and Damian chuckled but nodded. “Diana and I are on the same page with that. We’ve checked in again about it because well, we’re not getting any younger.” Harry shrugged, “But ummm, yeah she doesn’t want that and I don’t either. Celeste is enough for the both of us.”

“I think Di might also be a bit…traumatized about pregnancy and babies and that kind of thing. I mean, she did it all on her own, I was there when I could be, which she overestimates. I should’ve just moved back here t-to help her out more…I’ll always regret that.” He said and Harry frowned but nodded, “She just had such a hard time that I think if she did it again, even with a partner it would just fuck her up for a bit.”

“Yeah, understandably so.” Harry agreed, “I mean, at the end of the day I think we just want to make each other happy and we both agree that we don’t need that to be happy. We’ve not chosen ourselves for a long time, so this is for us. Just for us.” Harry smiled.

“Good. That’s good…” Damian smiled.

****************

The New Year came and went and Diana got a bit too nervous about telling Celeste about her and Harry. So she spoke to him and they postponed it and gave themselves one more week, and boy was that week becoming very challenging for Diana…

Specially after spending the holidays with Harry’s family, Celeste was more pushy than ever. Diana’s anxiety was getting even more out of hand. She had never known Celeste to be this defiant with her over something, but she was constantly having to ask her to please stop meddling in what she wanted for her future. But it seemed that Celeste wasn’t understanding the havoc it was wreaking on Diana’s emotions. To Celeste it seemed like playful teasing or something, but to Diana it felt suffocating.

Diana was aware that she had major abandonment issues, not just because of Wesley’s passing, but from the way her parents distanced themselves from her so suddenly, and then from Wesley’s parents as well; the people who had loved her so much and treated her like their own with such warmth and kindness. She hoped to find comfort with them, to be able to grieve with them and to count on them for support with Celeste. After all, she was their grand daughter, but his parents never really recovered from the loss and also cut off all contact. All of Celeste’s persistence was making her feel trapped and afraid of what she wanted with Harry. What if something happened to him too? That was the fear that prevented her from letting people in for all these years and it had been growing steadily and had just reached it’s boiling point.

“Baby, what’s the matter?” Harry asked Diana as he pulled her into his arms as she sobbed hard. He walked them back inside her house where it was warm. It was nearly 2am and freezing cold outside and he didn’t want her getting sick right before school started. But she just cried and cried for several minutes in his arms. Celeste was gone at a sleepover at Geri’s, so thankfully, no one was home but them two and she could say everything she wanted to say, so she did.

She told him how Celeste kept pushing her and it was making her nervous about her not respecting the boundaries they wanted to set. She told him about how she considered backing out and staying alone instead of being with him how she wanted to because it would just be easier. She told him how she feared for her heart, how she feared another loss, how she feared letting their lives entangle even deeper. She shared the internal war she was at with her head and her heart. She shared her anxieties, her hopes, and her desires. She had poured her heart out to him in a way she never had before. It was chaotic and painful, but it was also extremely vulnerable and motivated by her need for love. Not just any love, his love. She needed to know that he could still love her through all of this and most importantly, be patient with her.

It was essentially a verbal brain dump, he couldn’t take any of her feelings too personally. All of her fears were valid and he couldn’t even guarantee to her that he wouldn’t abandon her in the way she feared, that was completely out of his control. Of course, voluntarily, he would be there for as long as he could be, but sometimes shit happens and accidents happen and there’s no way to prevent that, as she had experienced already. But Harry could see that she didn’t want to give up, she was just feeling so pressured and overwhelmed. Obviously, Harry knew that Celeste didn’t intend to be badgering her mom, she just wanted to know, to be let in, probably even to gush over her love life with her the way Diana had done with her over Ben. Diana also expressed that she just couldn’t blow up on Celeste over this, she wasn’t being rude or anything, but even as Diana kindly tried to emphasize that she just needed privacy to deal with this for a bit, Celeste was stubborn.

“-it’ just feels like a lot emotionally, you know?” She sighed before inhaling shakily and he squeezed her had, his thumb running over her knuckles soothingly.

“Yeah, it is, love.”

“I just don’t know if it’s fair to you that I’m so…flighty.” She frowned and he smiled.

“Love, the last thing you are is flighty.” He assured, “You are so consistent and responsible, and on top of your things. And this is an area of your life which you haven’t really explored or prioritized in a while, you know? So it’s going to take some getting used to, yeah?”

“Yeah.” She mumbled, “You make me so happy. But I’m still terrified of just getting it out there.” She explained.

“I’m scared too.” He confessed, “But I trust you with my heart. I don’t know what life will throw at us at any point, but I do believe that you will always have my best interest at heart. And I promise I too have your best interest at heart.”

“I do and I know you do too.” she confirmed, “I feel the same about you. I’m just afraid to really let myself feel happy about this because I…I just don’t want our time t-to be cut short.”

“Oh my love, c’mere.” He hummed and she nestled herself into his arms. Her back rested against his chest as he kissed the side of her head. “You can’t think like that all the time.” He advised, “Think of all the time we’ll have instead versus the time we won’t have. Better to enjoy everything now, day by day, yeah? Focus on the memories we get to make and how our relationship will grow and keep getting better?”

“You’re right.” She responded. The feeling of his chest rising and falling with his breaths made Diana feel more present. “Thank you for coming over and listening to all this. It can’t be easy to hear it.”

“I’ll always listen to how you feel, Di. Love you.”

“I love you too.” She responded and he kissed her head again. They just sat like that together in the silence for a little bit, “Wanna stay with me?” She asked quietly, she was a bit shy to ask but she didn’t want him to go now that he was here.

“Yeah, baby. I’ll stay with you.” He smiled through his confirmation.

Soon enough they were heading up the stairs and into her bedroom. It was a bit colder in her room with the big glass doors not providing too much insulation, but that was alright with him, if they got cold they could just cuddle up closer. He climbed into the side of the bed opposite she slept on and soon they were facing each other, her face was buried in his neck. Her soft breaths were tickling his skin as he smoothed his hand up and down the curve of her hip. Then Harry felt her lips pucker up right at the base of his jaw and he smiled. She then did it again before sucking gently.

“Is this alright?” She mumbled into his heated skin and he swallowed.

“Yeah, baby.” He barely got out before her soft sucks against the sensitive skin of his neck started to make all of the excitement swirl up in his tummy. His fingers were now holding tight to her as her sucks intensified. She was leaving a mark and that made him run absolutely wild. After a few more seconds she pulled off and kissed up his jaw, pecking right at the corner of his lip.

“Cheeky girl.” He hummed and she smiled.

“I’ve missed you.” She whispered. Diana was still a bit timid to fully initiate sex with him, she was working up to it, hoping he’d ask first.

“Really? It’s only been a few days…” he teased and she grinned.

“I can’t help it.” She shrugged and he chuckled, “You didn’t miss me?” She asked and he hummed playfully, “Be nice to me…” she mumbled which made Harry kiss her forehead.

“Course I did, baby. You’re constantly on my mind if you’re not close by.” He confirmed softly and she nuzzled closer to him, “Mmmm baby, how do I say ‘kiss me’ in Spanish?” He hummed inquisitively and she grinned as she reared back a bit to try and get some sort of a glimpse of him despite the darkness.

“Se dice, ‘bésame’.” She said quietly, her lips nearly skimming his own. Harry grinned and in a quick and smooth movement he had her under him. One of his big, warm hands was holding her face as he dipped down. His lips tickling and skimming against her own from how close they were.

“Bésame.” He whispered. She could practically taste him saying the words and forming them with his lips.

Diana let out a breathy exhale as she arched up while tugging him down to allow their eager mouths to meet. From the get-go the kiss was intense. His hips were pressing against hers, she could feel him steadily growing in his pants as they continued smearing their lips together with the same urgency of two teenagers who could get caught at any second. Her hands were roaming the expanse of his back, feeling up his muscular physique to her heart’s content.

“Get this off.” she muttered as she tugged at his shirt and Harry knelt up and stripped it off his body swiftly. She raised her arms up and he pulled her top off as well. He dipped down and pecked her quickly before sinking lower and sucking one of her nipples between his lips as his hand came up and grabbed her other breast. He kneaded her soft skin in his hands before sucking over that nipple as well. He loved to hear her whimpering beneath him, humping up against his muscular thigh in desperate need of some friction.

“Want me to inside you?” He asked gruffly.

“Yes, baby. Please…” she moaned and he kissed her deeply and rolled off of her to get undressed the rest of the way. He then helped her out and right before he could get his mouth on her she was pulling him up by the hair. “Do that later.” She panted and he grinned before kissing her as she reached down to find his erection and line it up with her entrance.

“Damn baby, so fucking wet f’me.” He panted and he felt his cock basking in the slick warmth between her legs. “Shit…Can I put it in, love?”

“Yeah baby, put it in.” She sighed with urgency.

With her confirmation, Harry snapped his hips up and his thick head pushed into her entrance and she inhaled sharply as her fingernails dug into his bare back. Harry groaned in response and breathed in her shaky exhales as he rolled his hips down against hers. His cock was sliding through her tight walls at the perfect pace. In and out. In and out. Delving in deep and reaching spots that were making her tingle and then moan his name. He gradually started going a bit harder and deeper with each thrust; he loved the sound of their bodies meeting, soft wet sounds that he wanted engraved into his memory forever and ever.

“Shit, you feel so good around my big cock…” he grunted and Diana whimpered and clamped her walls down around him, “You want more, don’t you?” He grinned and she nodded and he took that as his cue to fuck into her harder than before. He was pounding her so deep that her bed frame was creaking beneath them. And soon a rhythmic thumping against the wall in perfect time with his deep grunts joined in the symphony of their gentle and desperate sin. His moans and soft sounds of satisfaction were making Diana’s brain melt to mush. She gasped and her back started arched up when Harry rubbed into her clit, it was all swollen and slippery with a blend of their arousal. He was enjoying watching her eyes roll back and then squeeze shut; he loved watching her lose herself in him. “Fuck baby, you’re right there, aren’t you? Gonna come on my cock?”

“Yeah, Harry…fuck ju-just a little bit faster!” She mewled her request and he picked up the pace and in moments he felt her walls suffocating his cock, creating the most wonderful feeling around him. It felt as though he was being pulled deeper into her and he moaned and even went a little lightheaded as he allowed his hips to move however he needed to get him off. Harry’s desperation for his own orgasm was pushing her over that coveted precipice. And finally, she tipped over the edge. Her entire body was vibrating with ecstasy as the rush of pleasure crashed over her and rolled her in its currents. Her skin was covered in goosebumps, her inhales were shallow, and her moans melodious as the feelings pumped through her veins. She felt her ears ringing as the pleasure reached the top of her head, her body was completely tense as she hung on to the feeling for as long as she could.

“Oh fuck, baby…shit, I’m gonna come!” He groaned. He pounded away into her a couple more times, feeling her writhing beneath his body as his pulsing balls drew up tight, getting ready to unload his hot cum deep inside of her, “Fuck baby, there it is…Fuuuck yes.” He moaned as he pressed deep inside of her as he filled her up with gush after gush of his sperm. She grabbed his face and kissed him deeply as he fell over her. They kissed until they started getting all hot and bothered again.

Their make out session was heated and needy. He didn’t dare pull out of her yet, he wasn’t even going completely soft, so he was tucked into her, keeping them connected until he mumbled that he wanted to go down on her. He kissed all the way down to her swollen and glistening folds and licked at her clit and made her come a couple times with his fingers nestled against her g-spot. He was fucking his load of sperm back into her pussy with them until she was trembling and nearly incoherent, begging him to stop. He kissed back up her body and locked lips with hers, letting her taste the lovely mess they’d made together. They were both sweaty heaps catching their breaths on Diana’s bed. Her fingers were raking through his sweaty, brown curls while he kissed up and down the inside of her fore arm.

“You’re so hot.” She whispered with a grin and his lips twitched up in a smirk.

“Thank you. So are you, baby.” He hummed back.

“You’re too good at what you do, Harry…why are you so good at sex?” She asked and he chuckled.

“I’m only interested in being good at everything I do, not just sex.” He said smugly and she smiled. “But I’m glad you think I’m good at it. Want to be good for you.” He hummed and she smiled as she kissed his damp curls.

“Should we have a shower?”

“Yeah, baby.” He hummed and he told her to go ahead while he stripped the bed and put everything in the washer before he joined her. That had at least given her time to wash her hair. She was able to finish up before him and get some new sheets out. He soon joined her and helped her set up the bed again before they got dressed and cuddled against each other, both of them shivering as they adjusted to the temperature.

“I think we should talk to Celeste tomorrow. You can pick her up from Geri’s and I can make us some early dinner. Or vice versa.” She said and he nodded.

“Yeah, we can do that. Can I bring Misty tomorrow? Don’t want to leave her alone all day.”

“Yeah, fine…as long as she doesn’t come in here, cat hair’s the worst.” She said and he hummed.

“Well you’re in luck, she’s hypoallergenic!”

“They still shed…”

“Minimally, love.” He said and she sighed, “You still scared of her?”

“I always will be.” She admitted and she chuckled and kissed her shoulder. “She can be around though, Celeste loves her.”

“OK, love.”

“So how are we gonna do this, logistically speaking? Maybe Celeste must have plans at least once a month so we can have a couple days during the escape room weekends.”

“Oh, that’s brilliant…” he mused.

“I know, huh? I’ve had lots of time to think about it.” She smiled.

“My parents really loved you and Celeste, you know?”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmmm, but now my mom’s even more bummed about the no babies thing.” He said and she giggled, “Said they’d look like little angels…I think she’s right, they’d be real cute.” He hummed and she smiled.

“Yeah, I think so too…” she hummed.

“Do you think you’d ever change your mind?” He asked and she hummed.

“Maybe…but just pregnancy is not something I want to do again. I think it was just such a dark time in my life that like…I feel like it would emotionally make me or break me.” She explained. “I know before I mentioned just not wanting to have a baby again…but it’s more complicated than that. I think…I mean, I have thought about it, if we had kids. I think we’re both mature enough and of sound mind…” she explained and he smiled, “And I know it would be very different this time around in terms of the level of support I’d have. But physically I think I would have a hard time with it, just because of before. I think my body would react badly to a pregnancy, like I just feel it in my gut.” She explained, “And I mean, I feel like I have everything I want and need, so I would hate to put myself and risk and not be there for Celeste. You know?”

“Yeah, of course. And I mean, pregnancy was very emotionally traumatic for you. I get that, love.”

“D-do you see yourself changing your mind about this?” She asked him nervously.

“I could, but only if you really wanted it. I don’t think we would be missing out at all if we don’t have a baby. Besides, if Grace gets pregnant then we’ll have a baby around for quite a while…we could share with them, they’re such going-out types, I’m sure we’d be the default babysitters. And I’m certain a few hours with the baby would be more than enough to keep us set in our decision to not have our own baby.” He shared and she laughed a bit.

“Yeah, that’s true…I just don’t want to make you not have something because of my bad experience, you know?”

“Well thank you for thinking of me, but I assure you, we both make that decision here, but you hold the most weight to it. Honestly, I have what I need with you and Celeste, I don’t need anything else.” He assured her.

“What if we get a dog? A small one though? They can play with Misty.”

“Yeah, I like dogs.” He smiled.

“More than cats?” She asked and he chuckled.

“Admittedly, yes. Cats can be very temperamental, but I got so lucky with Misty, she’s such an easy one.”

“She really is…she’s quite similar to you actually, even tempered, easygoing, energetic, a little clingy…”

“Am I?” He smiled and she giggled and nodded.

“Yeah, but I like it.” She assured him, “It’s nice to have someone around who wants to be around, you know?”

“Yeah, definitely.” He smiled.

“Can I ask you something? We don’t have to talk about if you don’t want, but ummm, what about Rebecca? Like is that something that still bothers you? Or is it fine now?”

“Like the cheating or the baby?” He asked.

“Both, I guess…”

“Well, the cheating I got over. I think if I had been a lot more in love with her it would have been a lot harder to deal with. But like, we were trying really hard to make it work and to be happy, almost forcing it to work, you know? By then I had already…started to be interested in you, I mean, well you know that.” He smiled bashfully and she hummed. “So yeah, I was just more upset that she was feeling the strain and never said anything to me and let it get to that point. I mean, I was trying to make it work, but maybe I should’ve said something first?” He explained and she nodded. “And with the baby…I mean, I’m happy for her. It seems that Eddie brought out a more relaxed side of her, which is good.” Harry said. “It did kind of send me into an existential spiral at first…made me wonder if maybe I just wasn’t good enough for her. Like I personally don’t prefer to have kids, but I thought I was gonna marry her so I was like “sure, if you really want ‘em with me”. But ummm, I just felt a bit inadequate for a minute there.”

“Have you talked since?” Diana asked him.

“Yeah, a couple of times. Mostly to refer some of her clients for evaluations or services, or to be an expert witness…have that coming up soon.”

“Ooh, have to go to court?”

“Yep.” He chuckled. “But yeah, we talk from time to time. We’re on good terms.”

“That’s really good to know. My mom always said that only bad partners are on bad terms with their exes.”

“Oh…I quite like that…” Harry hummed and she smiled into the silence.

“Yeah…do you have any questions for me?” She asked and he sighed.

“Yeah, tons…when I was talking to your brother he said that like, even though all of this was really painful for you to attain, that this was your best outcome. And I guess I’m wondering if you…agree with that?”

“Yeah, I do.” She answered quickly without any hesitation. “I don’t regret anything about my life now, I mean…I do wish my relationship was better with my whole family. But say I listened to my mom and terminated my pregnancy, the judgement would still be there from everyone. Probably even worse as my extended family is still really influenced by Catholicism and they’re very intolerant of abortion or divorce for really any reason. So even if I assumed the position my family wanted me in, I would still be an outsider. But ultimately, I think I am where I need to be. I love the life I have with Celeste. I love teaching, so much. I love getting to make my own choices. I love not having to be around all that pressure; I would surely break.” She chuckled dryly.

“Oh I don’t think you would break, baby. You’re one of the strongest persons I’ve ever met.” He said with certainty, “But I think that eventually you would have to get out. Not because you aren’t strong enough to deal with. Quite the opposite actually. You’d have the strength and courage that it takes to walk away from all of it. I don’t think that life was meant for you, you know?”

“Yeah, definitely not. I am very happy with what I have going on now.” She confirmed and he smiled. “I’m happy with you.”

“Good. I’m happy with you too.” He whispered.

**************

The following morning Diana was a little more on edge. She had woken up before Harry and had a body shower. She had her coffee and then made breakfast, which woke Harry up. He was quick to wash up as well and join her. There was some music playing softly from her phone that had her slightly swaying her hips as she did something over the sink. Harry walked up quietly before hugging around her hips. She froze in surprise before melting into his touch.

“G’morning.” She greeted sweetly as he smushed a big kiss to her temple.

“Morning, baby.” He mumbled. “What can I do to help?” He asked lowly, his voice still raspy from its lack of use over the night.

“Can you dice those peppers up for me?” She said shooting a glance to the cutting board with a red and green pepper already laid out.

“Sure.” He smiled and headed over. She glanced over a few times but stopped when she saw him properly dice the first little bit. “Am I doing something wrong?” He asked her when he caught her final glance.

“Nope. You’ve got it.” She smiled and he chuckled.

“S’this a good size?” He asked and she glanced back over with a grin.

“Yes, chef.” She winked and he chuckled and proceeded with his task. “Do you like the potato skin or nah?” She asked.

“I do.” He responded.

“Perfect!” She exclaimed, “Saves me the trouble of peeling…” she mumbled quietly to herself and he smiled, “Mmmm nope…c'mere.” She mumbled and Harry glanced over and giggled.

“Who? Me?” He asked glancing back in confusion.

“No, sorry.” She giggled, “A potato was rolling away.” She explained and soon came up beside him and set up to chop the potatoes. In moments she was flawlessly dicing up a potato. Harry stopped his own task just to watch how gracefully she worked, swiftly and silently. When she realized he was just staring she cracked a smile and then stopped to glanced up at him. “What?”

“Nothing, keep working.” He hummed.

“Okay…?” She said and he cocked his head to the side.

“M’no, you’re supposed to say “yes, chef” when I tell you to do something.”

“Oh, OK. Ask again.” She played along.

“Keep working, Di.”

“Yes, chef.” She said with a pleasant smile and he chuckled.

“You’re cute.”

“Thank you.” She smiled and he chuckled and then continued his own chopping.

It made them both so happy that this is what every day could look like in the future. This was lovely and peaceful and comforting. It was worth working towards and with this in mind Diana decided to stop being afraid of Celeste. She knew that she was supportive of her and Harry dating now so that made her feel easier about the conversation. After breakfast Harry went home to feed Misty and then get showered and changed. Diana did a similar thing, she tidied around the house before getting some lasagna going because Harry had really liked it last time and Celeste also really loved it. She was just about preheat the oven when Celeste’s call came in and she wiped her hands on her apron before picking up.

“Hi, mamita!” Diana greeted cheerfully.

“Hey, just wondering what time you were planning on coming to get me?” She asked.

“Actually Harry’s gonna go pick you up. He was planning on being there around 3 and he’s gonna come over for dinner, is that good?”

“Oh yeah, perfect! We wanted to go to this new boba place real quick!”

“Yeah, you guys have time. Just get a small size though, I made lasagna for dinner.”

“Yes!” She cheered lowly and Diana chuckled a bit.

“Alright. Be safe. I’ll tell Harry to text you when he’s heading out.”

“Okay thanks, mom. See you later!”

“See ya, love you.”

“Loveyoubye.” She said quickly before hanging up.

Diana finished layering the lasagna just in time for the oven to reach the designated temperature and she got it inside and set the timer on her phone before hurrying up to have a shower and get changed. She was mentally rehearsing how she wanted to share this with Celeste and when. Should they eat and then talk, or talk first and then eat? Or talk while they ate? Diana was getting on some light makeup on her as she considered these things. Time seemed to fly by because the unmistakable whir of their property gate opening pulled her from her thoughts. She quickly finished applying her mascara before hurrying to her closet and picking out what she wanted to wear. After settling on some jeans, a white t-shirt and an oversized baby blue cardigan, she got into her slippers just as the front door was opening.

“Mom, we’re home!” Celeste called loudly and Diana exhaled before heading downstairs. She could hear them sayin how it smelled delicious and how they needed to find a good place to put Misty’s food and water bowl. She was about to reach the last few steps when Misty stopped at the staircase and then peered up at her expectantly.

“Oh please, don’t.” Diana mumbled to herself lowly as Misty put a paw on the bottom step and sniffled at it. She made a move to head down but with a heavier step to try and startle her away. The cat recoiled a bit and then glanced up at her with curios eyes. She was about to ask one of them to come get her when Harry came around from the kitchen and she sighed in relief. “Thank god.” She sighed and he laughed.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Just a few moments.” She said and he hummed. “Can you tell her to move or just grab her.”

“Di, I think you ought to face your fear. Just step down and she’ll get out of the way.”

“You don’t think I tried that already?”

“Come on, love. She’s real sweet.” He assured and she glanced down at the cat now rubbing up against Harry’s legs. Suddenly Celeste walked over and her eyes lit up at the scene before her and then started to laugh.

“Wait, how long have you been there?” She questioned.

“Not long.” Diana sighed at yet another question about her being stuck on the staircase.

“You guys match!” Celeste observed with a smile and then you glanced over at Harry and he chuckled.

“Great minds, kid.” He said to Celeste and she chuckled and nodded in agreement. “So are we having dinner on the staircase or are you gonna come down?” He asked and Celeste smirked at her, awaiting her response to Harry’s question.

“Tell you what, I need to go to the bathroom. When I’m out, you need to be down here by whatever means possible.” Celeste said and Diana rolled her eyes.

“OK, you go do that. Please, take your time.” She insisted and Celeste smirked as she kept on walking to the bathroom and disappearing from their line of sight.

“C’mon love, she’s not going to hurt you. I promise.” Harry appealed to Diana once more.

“I just don’t want her anywhere near my ankles. Just pick her up please. I will even put her head! I just need her away from my ankles.”

“OK, deal.” He said crouching down and easily picking Misty up in one hand by her tummy and then settling her against his side and Diana descended the rest of the steps.

“Do we tell her before or after we eat?” Diana asked as she reached out slowly. She flinched a bit when Misty’s cool, damp nose nudged at her fingertips, sniffing her out a bit.

“I think so because she told me she had the medium sized bubble tea.” Harry chuckled and Diana sighed and then reached up and touched the soft fur in between Misty’s ears and then scratched a bit which made Misty relax into Harry’s hold and she closed her eyes. “She’s purring. She likes it.” He told her and Diana smiled a bit as she started to hear the very soft and low hums herself. “Are you nervous?”

“Of course.” She said quietly as her eyes met Harry’s, he looked calm, the kind of calm she wanted to be right about now, “What the fuuu-?!” She gasped and pulled away startling Misty. She shook her hand and Harry laughed.

“What?”

“She licked me! I was not mentally prepared to feel that texture on my hand.” She said through her laugh and he joined her as well.

“Why are you nervous?” He asked her and she bit her lip.

“I don’t know…”

“You do.” He insists.

“What if…things just…”

“Don’t work out?” He asked and she nodded.

“I don’t want to…open this up and give her hope that we can be a family one day and then something goes wrong and she loses you.”

“Love, I mean this with so much care and love, but this isn’t about Celeste. Pain and disappointment are a sad reality of life, you know that.” He said and she sighed, “But the wonderful thing about life is also that when you have people to share those hard times with, it makes them more tolerable. I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect or that I won’t hurt and disappoint you every now and again, I’m only human.” He chuckled, “But I can promise to do everything I can to ensure that we have open and honest communication and that we set realistic expectations of what we can do to make each other feel happy and safe with the time we have together.” He said and she nodded, she was petting at Misty’s head again, her eyes focused on her sweet little face as she took in Harry’s words, “Di, look at me.” He insisted and she glanced up at him, “I love you. And I love Celeste. So we’re all gonna be okay.” He said with a soft and sincere smile.

“I love you too.” She whispered with a smile. “Thank you for being so patient with me.”

“Of course, always.” He responded and then they headed off to the kitchen. Misty was now exploring about and Harry was opening a bottle of wine when Celeste walked back in.

“Did she touch the cat?” Celeste asked Harry and Diana whipped around quickly.

“I did.” Diana confirmed with a small smile.

“Dang it…” she mumbled as she hopped up onto one of the stools under the kitchen island and Harry chuckled.

“Di, do you want a glass?”

“Please.” She responded.

“Mamita, do you want anything before we eat?”

“No, I’ll wait. I didn’t get the small boba.” She confessed.

“So I heard.” She smiled at her briefly and Celeste glanced to Harry.

“Traitor.” She said with a small smile.

“She’s not mad is she?” Harry asked as he poured Diana her glass of wine.

“Fair.” She mumbled as she watched Diana just looking at Harry, waiting for him to finish up. Once he handed over her glass Diana grabbed it and brought it to her lips before starting to drink it down. Harry was serving himself so he didn’t see, but this was surprising to Celeste and her eyes widened as she finished the glass and then set it down. “Ummm, mom are you alright?” She asked her and Diana glanced up at her looking slightly embarrassed at being caught by her young daughter as she guzzled down some alcohol. At this Harry glanced over to her too and she started to feel nervous again.

“I am, but ummm, I do need to talk to you about something.” She said and Celeste nodded, “It’s a more or less a serious conversation which I am feeling a little nervous about,” she admitted, “so ummm, that’s why I did that. Sorry, if that worried you.”

“Well, seems like I should be worried.” Celeste said, her demeanor visibly more tense as the uncertainty of the topic at hand settled in.

“It’s not a bad thing.” Diana said and then glanced to Harry for some help and he was currently having some of his wine as well. His own nerves getting the best of him. Celeste looked between the two of them waiting for more information.

“Ummm…okay…” she said as she looked between them some more.

“Do you want more wine?” He asked her.

“Please.” Diana hummed and Harry came over to the island and grabbed her glass and served her some more and she glanced down at it and exhaled shakily, she was struggling to breathe in again until she felt Harry’s warmth closer than before and she glanced to her side to see him giving her a small reassuring smile as he nodded. She then inhaled and turned back to Celeste.

“You’re freaking me out.” Celeste said with concern and Diana groaned softly.

“I’m sorry, I’m just bad at this and I’m a bit nervous.” She confessed, “But ummm, I know that you’ve been ummm… interested a little more in my love life as of late.” Diana started, “And ummm, I just wanted to tell you that…well ummm….” She said as she glanced up at Harry who just nodded, “We’re ummm…Harry and I-” as soon as she heard this her mouth widened in a surprised smile and her eyes widened.

“You’re gonna date? You two?” She interrupted and Diana glanced back at Harry who was smiling at her already before looking back to Celeste and they nodded.

“I-is that alright?” Harry asked and she grinned. And grabbed her phone and started typing something in quickly and moment’s later Handel’s Hallelujah chorus came through the speakers on her phone as she sang along goofily, “Fi-na-llyyyyy!” She groaned dramatically after a few seconds and Diana and Harry laughed at her theatrics.

“Alright, alright the serious part of the conversation still needs to happen.” Harry said and she paused the song and nodded, but she was beaming, anxiously waiting for the next part. “So ummm, as you know, this is something new for your mum, and well you too.” Harry started, “And I know it can be…exciting,” he said and she nodded, “but ummm, for y-your mum it’s also quite nerve racking. So we’ve decided on having a few boundaries about what we want to share w-with you for the time being.” He said and she looked to Diana for more explanation on this.

“Mamita, I just need you t-to be a little patient with me now.” Diana said, “Like, over the last few weeks we’ve been trying t-to build up to telling you, but you were a little too…pushy with the topic and it kept making mer nervous and postpone the conversation with you and I guess we just need privacy to settle into this before we are more comfortable being together openly w-with you.”

“So I’m too…nosy?” She asked and Diana frowned, “And if I stop you guys will keep dating?” She added, her lips curled up a bit and Diana sighed.

“Y-yes.” She admitted with a tinge of hesitation and Celeste let out a laugh.

“Okay! I can mind my business!” She said and Diana and Harry chuckled, “As a matter of fact,” she said as she hopped off the stool, “I don’t even care. I don’t at all. I’m just a selfish teenager who worries about her friends and stupid problems.” She said as she backed away from the kitchen. And they laughed and called her back so that they could actually finish up and she leaned on the counter now wearing the biggest smile, “OK, go on.” She insisted.

“Well, I know you don’t care or whatever,” she started with a small smirk and Celeste giggled, “but I just want you t-to be comfortable. I mean, neither of us is super big on PDA, but I mean, we might hold hands sometimes or even kiss quickly or something like that,” Diana blushed, “and like, while you might be happy about this, it can also be a little weird. So if you ever do, just let me know.” She said and Celeste nodded.

“Okay. Thanks.” She said. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Ummm, let’s hear it.” Diana decided.

“When did this start?!” She asked.

“Like when did we start to like each other or when did we first go on a date?” Harry asked.

“Both? I-if that’s allowed.” She added.

“Well, I started liking your mum since you two first came t-to the practice.” He admitted and Celeste’s jaw dropped in shock at this. “Yeah, I know…” Harry chuckled. “I don’t know, I just thought she was so beautiful and sweet and she was just stuck in my head.” He said and then she glanced to Diana awaiting her response.

“Oh, me.” Diana chuckled a bit nervously, “Ummm…w-we ran into each other one night after our classes and that girl from your class was following you?” She said to Harry and he nodded.

“You had a stalker?” Celeste asked and Harry chuckled and turned to her quickly.

“No. She just had a crush on me at the start of the semester and was trying really hard to have more time with me.” He explained. “Either way, you noticed I was looking rather uncomfortable so you approached us-”

“Yeah, I pretended to be his girlfriend that was running late.” Diana said, “And that was the girl that approached us at Cafe Flores, remember?” She asked Celeste and she nodded.

“Oh…”

“Yeah, so that’s when I realized I liked him.” Diana said and Harry’s brows furrowed suddenly.

“That conversation didn’t end well if I recall correctly.” He said with a frown.

“Yeah, it did not.” Diana chuckled, “But I felt so crumby after you said that we should just keep it as professional as possible that it hit me then that I…had a crush on you.” She confessed.

“It can’t be anything else? A better moment where I wasn’t a prick to you?”

“I can’t choose when my feelings happened! That’s when I confirmed that I liked you.” She giggled and he hummed.

“Fine.” He hummed and she smiled and then turned to Celeste.

“And I asked Harry out on a date during the summer but ummm, things were going well with you in therapy and you were saying that you wanted to keep him around as your therapist for as long as possible and well, we can’t do that while he was working with you so we decided not to continue with that -er us then. But that was technically the first date…”

“You were not going to be together because of me?” She asked with a small frown.

“Yeah, but just because ethically it’s frowned upon t-to have what is called a dual relationship with a client and their family or friends. So if someone else in my field were to find out that I was dating a client’s parent I could get my licenses revoked and it would be quite bad for all of us. And well, also you had expressed some hesitation with your mum dating before to me in session, and well, you didn’t react well when you thought we were dating that one time, so I think we both just felt that…not being together was the best thing to do for all of us.” He explained.

“Oh…now I feel bad.” She pouted a bit.

“No mamita, don’t feel bad. It really was our bad. I mean, those kinds of rules are there for a reason. And I think that you’ve even experienced some of that with Harry in terms of wanting him around for more things in your life. Its quite a fine line to walk but everything is working out now and ummm, w-we want to give it a real shot now that we can without risking his entire career.” She said and Celeste smiled a bit.

“Okay, well I am fully on board with this.” She said and Diana chuckled.

“Don’t we know…” she mumbled and Celeste grinned.

“Well, at the end of the day I just want you to be happy too.” Celeste said to Diana, “And well, I trust Harry and I know he’ll take good care of you and be nice and supportive and all the stuff you’ve told me you wanted if you ever dated anyone so…yeah.” She smiled and Diana smiled and then glanced up to Harry who just pulled her into his side and she relaxed in his hold and hugged him back as he planted a quick kiss on the top of her head.

“So cute.” Celeste hummed and Diana laughed as she felt her face warming as she blushed.

Their dinner went well, Celeste monopolized the conversation and only talked about what she had going on and then what she did with Geri at their sleep over. It was nice though, to be able to look over at him and catch him staring without worrying about Celeste catching them. If she wanted to, she could actually reach for his hand and hold it if she wanted to. She was tempted to, but she didn’t want Celeste to make a huge fuss about it. But then she also wanted to show Celeste that she could be warm and affectionate in a way she had not seen before. And well, she also wanted to show Harry that she was putting in some effort to get over her fears of letting her walls down.

Well, she had basically let every wall down but there was just a little bit of resistance in her still. That fear that she couldn’t shake completely was constantly swimming around in her head. And then he smiled wide and said something to Celeste, something she didn’t even hear quite honestly, and that annoying little remainder of fear just melted away. And there was no hesitation as she slid her hand across the table and grazed his pinky and he just glanced over and smiled for a second before turning his hand over as he continued chatting with Celeste. Diana felt so relieved when his fingers clasped over hers and then she turned her attention back to the conversation. She could see Celeste smiling wide but she made no commentary and just kept telling her story. After dessert they played a quick round of UNO, which Diana won both rounds much to Celeste and Harry’s annoyance. But soon Celeste was heading up to have a shower and get her things ready for school the next morning. Harry had just gotten Misty into her little travel kennel when Diana came down the stairs with a little pot of concealer for him.

“Here you go. That should fix that.” She said eyeballing the far too orange canceler splotch covering a love bite on his neck.

“Thanks.” He chuckled. “You feeling good?”

“Yeah. So happy.”

“Me too.” He smiled and grabbed her face in his hands and she tiptoed to let their lips meet in a soft kiss. They smiled against each other lips and pecked once more.

“I love you so much, Harry.” She whispered between them and he kissed her again quickly.

“I love you too.” He smiled, “It’s gonna be so good.”

“I know.” She smiled.

---TAG LIST---

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abilouwrites · 9 days

Text

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

I. Midoriya

I’ve loved him my entire life, from the day we met to the day I die I’ll love him. I loved him even when he confessed he was quirkless. I loved him when we both somehow became hero’s. When he confided that he’d taken All Mights’s quirk. That he would become the last user of it.

I believe he loved me, loved me when I went to his dorm door at two in the morning. Crying through the nightmares, he’d hold me in his arms and rock me back and forth until he felt me relax in his arms. Collapsing into him, “are they back?” He references the nightmares I’ve been plagued with. The ones that keep me from sleep. The ones that make me shoot up and pace.

A feeble nod is all he needs before we lay next to each other. Holding hands as we talk about life. Where we want to intern or work for. Who we want to be.

Im not surprised I ended up here. Laying in his arms. Back against his legs as he holds my hands. Applying pressure against my wounds. Careful at every hiss and wheeze I emit from my cracked and split lips. Looking at the metal rod sticking through my stomach. His eyes are wide, tears messily stick to his cheek and eyelashes. Soft hiccups make me wince as I cry too.

“Just hold on. Just stay with me” he pleads silently as I look up at him, “we have so much to do. So much to live for” he cries out. Hunching over me. Wiping wet tears from my cheeks, “comon.. don’t you wanna work with me one day?”

I smile weakly at him, my body hurts. Pain hasn’t ever felt so raw before. Nothings hurt like this, nothings hurt like being fucking stabbed by a metal pipe. I cough a little as he shakes my head, “comon.. comonnn. Remember what you said when we were little? ‘Birds of a feather? We’re sticking together? No matter what?’ Something like that?” He’s a little frantic trying to remember what I used to talk about.

“Do you love me?” The question spurs, hiding in the back of my mind until it sprouts to my lips. I watch his eyes soften. Green hues that look back into mine. He smiles weakly and my heart lurches.

“Of course I do. How could I not love you?” He says that like it would be stupid of me to think he didn’t, “you’re the love of my life. You have to stay alive for me. Because I want to marry you one day. And grow old with you” he starts talking but I can’t hear him anymore.

All I see is a mouth moving but I can’t hear anything. Just a faint ringing. Like a ping pong ball bouncing off my earlobes. I don’t know what dying feels like. I’ve been surrounded by death my entire life and somehow I don’t know what it feels like.

Maybe it’s different for everyone, “I’m sorry” I apologize, I don’t know if he can hear me. If anyone can. But I feel him. I feel him shift underneath me to support my body, to tug me more into his arms as he rocks me. Slow and gentle. I creep a hand up to his face, feeling at the freckles on his face as light creeps from my eyes.

I’m glad that when I am dying, it’s his face I see. The one I love to look at. The one I’d be happy waking up to in the mornings. Surrounded by our kids. By happiness.

I didn’t want to die like this, but at least im dying in his arms.

I muse a weak smile as he bends down. A soft kiss on my lips as the world leaves me. At least I kept true to my words. I loved him till the day I died.

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ghosthunterbuck · 2 years

Text

walking around with your heart

(buddie) (1.4k words) (spoilers for 6x04)

It fucking hurts.

It fucking hurts, and maybe Hen was right, maybe it would’ve hurt either way, but this is worse, Buck thinks. He drops his phone to the counter top and buries his head in his arms.

Spare parts. Defective spare parts, as it were.

All Buck’s ever wanted to do is help, but he was cursed from the start.

…family history bars you from participating in the donor program…

Buck’s phone rings on the counter.

He ignores it.

Then three texts come through in rapid succession.

Hey Buck, give us a call?

We just heard from the facility

Think we need to talk

Buck picks the phone up and turns it over in his hand. Over and over, until he’s accidentally opened the camera and he’s staring at his own face.

When Buck was a kid, adults always used to think he was hurt. They’d fuss, right up until they realized it was just his birthmark, and then they’d go back to doing whatever it was adults did. He never thought much of it, not really. Forgot it was there, most of the time, unless someone asked him about it.

For a while, after the shooting, any time he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror he’d mistake it for blood. Eddie’s.

Maddie told him once that it was an angel’s kiss. He always liked the thought of that.

Now, though, as he stares at it on the screen of his phone, he wonders if it wasn’t a defective stamp, meant to differentiate him from all the perfect babies born at the hospital that day. A bright red mark that, from the beginning, was meant to say, “throw me away! I’m no good!”

His phone rings again.

This time it’s Eddie.

Buck answers the call before he has time to think better of it.

“Hey Eds,” he says, quiet and subdued.

“Uh-oh,” Eddie replies, sounding distant and tinny. “I know that voice. What’s wrong?”

Buck rolls his shoulders and forces a smile to his face. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

Eddie hums disbelievingly. “Convincing, Buckley,” he says sarcastically.

Despite himself, Buck’s fake smile morphs into something softer and a little more real. “Seriously, Eds, I’m fine.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Eddie replies. “Which is an excellent segue, because Mr. Independent has decided he’s going to sleep over at Benny’s after the movie tonight, and I’m going stir crazy.”

“And what, you think I’m just going to drop everything and come over?” Buck asks, grinning a little wider.

“Nope,” Eddie says. “I am hoping you’ll open the door, though.”

Buck snorts and stands, crossing the short distance to the door and pulling it open.

“Surprise,” Eddie says, holding up a case of beer, a paper grocery bag, and what honest-to-god looks like a blow up mattress.

“You have keys,” Buck says, stepping back to let Eddie inside.

“And I’d be very appreciative if you grabbed them for me.”

For a fleeting moment, Buck entertains the idea of sticking his hand in Eddie’s pocket and fishing around for keys. Then Eddie nods at the entryway, Buck spots them on the ground, and the illusion is shattered.

“You know,” Buck says as he bends to scoop them, “I might have plans.”

“Do you?” Eddie asks, settling his load on the counter.

Buck presses his lips together and mock glares at Eddie.

“Great,” Eddie grins. “In that case, we’re playing drunk Mario Kart until we can’t see straight.”

“And the air mattress?” Buck asks, prodding it with a finger.

“You,” Eddie says, pointing at him, “don’t have a couch. And we’re too old to sit on the floor.”

Buck snorts out a laugh and ducks his head. “Fine,” he says. “You blow up the ‘couch’ and I’ll make popcorn.”

Eddie bumps against his shoulder. “Knew I could count on you.”

At least someone can, Buck thinks.

…

“So,” Eddie says when they’re settled on the mattress, a bowl of popcorn between them, “you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing–” Buck begins to answer, before Eddie fixes him with that don’t-bullshit-me look he’s way too good at. Buck sighs. “It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time,” Eddie says.

Buck leans back and closes his eyes. “I ever tell you about my old roommate, Connor?”

“You’ve said his name, but I don’t think you’ve ever told me anything about him.”

Buck sighs. “He got married a few years back. His wife– she’s sweet. They’re a good match.” He pauses, but Eddie doesn’t interrupt him. “They want kids. But uh– Connor– he can’t, um. So they… asked me?” Buck cracks one eye open and looks at Eddie.

He hums thoughtfully. “So that’s what’s got you in knots? You’re not sure how to turn them down?”

Buck chuckles mirthlessly. “No need, apparently. Did you know that a family history of childhood leukemia disqualifies you from making a sperm donation through a bank?”

“No, I– Buck,” Eddie says.

“I said yes,” Buck says quietly. “A few weeks ago.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone?”

Buck bites his lip and looks away. “I told Hen.”

“Oh,” Eddie says quietly.

“I just– they wanted their kid to be someone like me, Eds. I thought… I wanted to help.”

“But you can’t,” Eddie puts together.

“No,” Buck says, “I fucking can’t.”

Eddie’s quiet for a long moment. “Is it really what you wanted?” he asks finally.

“I—I’ve wanted kids my whole life,” Buck says. “And I know this wouldn’t have been the same, but if I could help someone else have it then maybe… maybe I…”

“Maybe you’d what?” Eddie asks, looking him in the eye. “Deserve to have it too?”

Buck swallows and ducks away from Eddie’s gaze. “Something like that,” he says quietly.

“You know that’s not how it works, right?” Eddie asks gently.

“Kind of seems like it does,” Buck mutters.

Several seconds pass in contemplative silence. Eventually, Eddie breaks it.

“You want to know what I think?” he asks.

“Am I allowed to say no?” Buck jokes weakly.

Eddie slaps his bicep lightly but allows his hand to linger. “I think you would have been miserable, knowing there was a kid out there with your eyes and heart and mind that you couldn’t call your own. I think you’d feel guilty every time you thought about him, and I think you’d be wondering, constantly, what it’d be like if he was yours. And I think you’d feel even more guilty about that, because I know you wouldn’t have considered it if you didn’t think your friends were going to be good parents.”

Buck allows his eyes to slip closed and focuses on Eddie’s hand as it slowly slides to his wrist.

“I think you’re an incredible dad, and it would kill you to have a kid whose life you weren’t a part of.”

“M’not a dad, Eds, that’s the whole point,” Buck says, without opening his eyes.

Eddie’s hand tightens around his wrist. “I don’t think that’s true,” he says softly.

Buck furrows his eyebrows and blinks his eyes open. “What, you think I have a secret kid out there?”

Eddie snorts a laugh. “No, Buck. I think you made dinner last night, and went to the science fair the night before that. I think you went to the beach last weekend and spent the entire day chasing Christopher around with a bottle of sunscreen. I think I put you in my will for a reason. You’re a good dad, Buck. Whatever it is you think you have to do to deserve it, you’ve already done it.”

“Eddie,” Buck breathes. “I’m not—”

“We’ve got more than one friend I’m pretty sure you’d offend if you finished that sentence,” Eddie says gently.

A tear pricks at the corner of Buck’s eye. “You really think…”

“Yeah, Buck,” Eddie says, rubbing his thumb across the inside of his wrist. “Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I’m kind of glad you’ve only got the one kid running around.”

Buck sniffs and scrubs a hand across his face. “Yeah, well, that kid’s going to destroy us both the next time we play if we don’t practice.”

“Destroy you, maybe,” Eddie says softly. He clearly recognizes the deflection for what it is, but he lets go of Buck’s wrist anyway. He picks up his controller. “Ready whenever you are, Evan.”

Buck’s heart gives a hard thump, and he grabs his controller too. “You’re on, Diaz.”

(And in the morning, when they wake up tangled together on a half-deflated air mattress and Buck’s heart gives another heavy thump, he’ll shoves it in the same box as everything else he’s too afraid to look at.)

#whoop back at it with the codas #911 #911 spoilers #911fic #911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #abbie writes #fic #userceecee

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milogreer · 8 days

Text

the thing about morgan and obscura is that i want obscura to feel like the most treasured person on earth and i know he would treat them that way. because for all that morgan is guiding them through learning how to live with their sight, obscura is the one leading the dance - they choose the time/place, they set the pace, and he meets them exactly where they're comfortable. a real slow burn with them would be so rewarding and i want it so badlyyy

i've talked before about the intimacy of "time is a song" and i am not an essay writer, i am a rambler, so if this is repeating points from that post, that's life! i just wanna talk about them again, more so this time in the context of "consulting with a seer" and how morgan sets the tone for their following relationship right off the bat

You don’t have to answer any of my questions, you don’t have to ask any of your own, this meeting is what you want it to be. But—you’re the one who reached out to the Department. Not the other way around. Clearly you wanted… something. No one’s keeping you here, you can leave at any time, you can tell the Department to go kick rocks and never speak to them again. But you’re the one who asked to meet with another Seer. And now you’re saying… nothing. Is it me? The Department asked that I be the one to speak with you given that we’re the only two Seer Obscura in existence right now, but if anything about me personally is offputting, I’ll gladly ask that a different Seer be the one to help you. Getting you whatever support you’re looking for is the only goal of all this. If someone else would do that better, then that’s what I want for you.

the consistent reassurance that obscura can dip whenever they want to. like from minute one his top priority is making sure they're as comfortable as possible because he knows the anxiety that comes with being a seer obscura

To be Obscura is incredibly rare. To be a Seer Obscura is unheard of. The chance of you or I existing at all is infinitesimal. The chance of us existing at the same time is unfathomable. But we're here.

it's hard to even find the words for how this makes me feel LMFAO it's .... it's the inherent soulmateism of being the only two people alive experiencing the same thing. and the fact that it involves someone who maybe not even necessarily believes in "fate" if i'm understanding ?? like he hates the term "Known Outcome" because he doesn't believe the future is fixed and totally knowable, but he acknowledges how insane it is that they've been brought together despite the chance of it being literally unheard of. ykwim. am i talking nonsense

You and I have a unique circumstance that we face. One that no one else can really understand. [...] It’s just you and me. That said, nothing about that fact is an obligation. Being the only two Seer Obscura doesn’t mean we need to be friends, or even have a relationship at all. It’s your life to live as you choose. If you want guidance, understanding of a shared experience, maybe even friendship eventually from me… then I would like to get to know you. To help you where I can. But if you don’t want those things, if you came here for an answer, and you got it, and you want to go back to what you know, I completely understand. You don’t owe anyone anything by virtue of being who you are.

and back to the gentle insistence that nothing is expected of them - if obscura wants to turn and run, pretend this never happened and continue suppressing their sight, they can. it's entirely their choice. but he's also giving them the reassurance that they aren't alone if they don't want to be.

like. i think what really gets me about all of this is that it's so genuinely selfless of him? because imagine meeting the one person who could truly understand you on a level no one else ever will, someone who by all accounts should not even exist in the same space as you, and then completely sincerely telling them that if they have no interest in sticking around, that's okay. you know? like i imagine the majority of us would at least try convincing them to stay. but he doesn't. he puts all the cards in their hands and lets them choose how to proceed, and he doesn't hound them when they vanish for a while after this meeting. everything happens on obscura's time; there's no pushing them towards anything they don't want

i think obscura is ... fragile, perhaps? and i think they need careful hands and a patient heart and morgan could be everything they need. i want them falling asleep on his couch after a late night talking and i want him to gaze at them fondly before putting a blanket over them. i want brief hand touches when they pass him something and to hear his breath catch in his throat at the contact. i want more instances of that tense pause before "...i want to know you." i want him to make silly jokes just to make them laugh and then to get starry-eyed when it works, and when they try to cover their mouth to hide their smile, i want him to tell them they have a beautiful smile (without telling them not to hide it). i want them to almost kiss but be interrupted by someone's phone going off or otherwise interrupted so they turn away, flushed and awkward, and they don't talk about it again. i want them to kiss in the rain, soaked and shivering but not caring about anything but the way they feel on each other.

sigh. where the hell was i going with this. i don't know. i just think they have so much potential for a life changing slow burn. i cannot believe they make me feel so strongly when they've only had three audios

#got real wistful at the end there LMAO. this isn't how i expected to spend my lunch break #redacted audio #redacted asmr #morgan kyne #seer obscura #sweetheart.txt #morgan #no fancy name colors in this one i cannot be bothered

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lilylollipops · 7 months

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could you write something fem!reader x lily evans where reader and james grow up together and are best friends but reader has a crush on lily and james tells her about his feelings for lily and begins his whole declaring his love for her all around the school and reader has to keep her feelings secret because she doesn’t want to hurt james and doesn’t know if lily likes girls or not?

you can decide whether lily reciprocates readers feelings or not i don’t mind either way, it can be angst and/or fluff 🙂

thanks 🙏🦀

absolutely loved this request! battled insane writer’s block but here it is! thank you for waiting patiently my lovelies! <333

pairings: lily evans x reader, james potter x reader (platonic), marauders x reader (platonic)

warnings: unreciprocated feelings (james and lily), misunderstandings (very brief!!), coming out, purposeful lowercase, she/her pronouns used for reader, no (y/n)

james was my best friend and i’d never have it any other way—not that i’d ever have a choice. our parents were best friends and so we had been too, ever since we were in diapers. so when we got on the hogwarts express together, we promised that we’d stick together no matter what. and we have, along with sirius, remus, and peter. they’re like my second family.

so you can imagine how conflicted i felt when lily evans entered the picture. from the second i laid eyes on her, i knew she was gonna ruin me. her red hair that always perfectly framed her face, her piercing green eyes, and her heart stopping smile. lily evans was my dream girl.

but, apparently, james and i shared not only everything else in our lives, but also our taste in girls because the moment he saw her, he fell in love. we sat at the gryffindor table with our new friends when suddenly james pointed down the table. “look! do you all see her?”

sirius, remus, peter, and i craned our heads to get a good look. i smiled, seeing the girl i had run into earlier on the train. she was really nice and had pointed to me to where we’re supposed to change after complimenting my necklace. i did my best not to blush now that i had sighted her again. “i’m gonna marry her one day!” james declared. i did my best to laugh along with the boys as i felt my heart—which had been leaping a moment ago—now breaking.

still, james saw right through me. “hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “oh, uh, nothing just a hair in my treacle tart.” i rushed out the first lie i could think of. the boys’ faces fell into disgust as they laughed at my misfortune. as they finally started settling down, i hoped this had been enough to change the subject. my hopes were quickly squashed as james excused himself to talk to the red headed girl.

i tried not to focus on their conversation, james being boisterous to try and keep her attention as she curtly introduced herself and began pointedly ignoring his attempts to flirt with her. i was so lost in thought that i had to be steered around by sirius as a prefect led us to the gryffindor common room. “are you alright?” he asked, leaning in close to my ear from behind me so that we wouldn’t disrupt everyone else. i nodded sharply, murmuring back, “just tired, long day.”

and with perfect timing, we were shown the way to boys and girls’ dorms. finally, the prefect dismissed us as he went off to join his friends at the chess table. i bade the boys good night, giving james an extra long hug, before making my way up the stairs. i froze when i saw the girl from before standing at the door, examining the names on the plaque. mine was on there. i gulped at the possibility that we’d be sharing a dorm for the next seven years. she spotted me as i inched forward, a friendly grin lighting up her face. “hi, you again! i’m lily and i suppose since you’re standing here, we’re going to be dorm mates!” she introduced herself excitedly.

i could practically feel my heart melting. i introduced myself in turn, my face flushing as she disregarded my offered hand to pull me into a hug. “sorry, you’re just one of the first friends i’ve made here. i’m really relieved to be sharing a room with someone i know.” lily said, tucking her hair behind her ear. i only smiled in response, so endeared by her that i could hardly breathe. together, we entered our dorm, and i couldn’t have even begun to fathom how troubling the next few years would be for me.

as the years progressed, i grew closer with both lily and the little group james and i had found, we now called ourselves the marauders. and james was still in love with lily.

when i would hang out with lily and our other friends, dorcas and marlene, it wasn’t long until james would come strutting over to attempt to woo her. anywhere you could possibly think of—studying in the library, relaxing under the trees on the grounds, laughing together in the common room. lily would roll her eyes, shoot a snide remark his way, and leave.

one day, it was just lily and i sitting under a willow on the grounds. her head rested in my lap as she read me a book by a muggle author called the picture of dorian gray. i was quite enjoying it and lily was happy to be able to have someone to talk to about her favorite books. i ran my hands carefully through her hair, watching as students milled about.

i couldn’t help the grimace that passed over my face when i saw the marauders coming our way, james in the lead. lately, it seemed like lily was more amused by him than anything else. she could even be labeled as receptive. as james’ best friend and pseudo wingwoman, giving him advice about things lily enjoyed and telling him not to make an idiot out of himself, i was thrilled at this progress. but as the girl in love with lily evans, perfect for me in all ways except for that she was more than likely straight, i was heartbroken.

i hadn’t noticed that my fingers stopped their motion until lily was frowning up at me. “everything okay up there?” she asked, moving her hand up to touch mine as she dropped her book open on her chest. “your boyfriend’s on his way.” i mumbled in a sing-song voice. i tried not to feel bitter as she giggled, sitting up and turning her head just as my boys arrived.

“hello boys.” i greeted with a grin. peter waved cheerfully, remus shot me a matching smile, and sirius winked at me from where his chin was perched on remus’ shoulder. james ruffled my hair and attempted to do the same to lily, but she swatted his hand away before he could. “hello my dearest lily, flower of my heart and light of life.” james greeted enthusiastically, dropping to his knees in front of her.

lily smiled and rolled her eyes, moving to sit crisscrossed and letting herself lean back into my chest. with a surprises blink, i moved my hand to rest on her arm and steady her. “hello james, my single most persistent nuisance.” she said with a teasing tone. my heart clenched in my chest and i tried to ignore the nudge peter gave remus, the looks the three shared as she reciprocated.

james smiled triumphantly, locking eyes with me as i gave him a subtle, approving nod. they began making small talk about classes, and remus (and sirius, who was apparently keen on staying attached to him) meandered closer to me to ask how the reading was going. we were in the middle of discussing the book when we were interrupted by james clapping his hands together. “so! as i’m sure you know, lily, this weekend is a hogsmeade trip.” james started.

“here we go.” peter muttered and lily hummed in acknowledgement. “well,” james continued confidently, “we’ve been getting along quite well lately, and i’d really like to get to know you better, so would you like to go to the three broomsticks? with me?” i smiled at him encouragingly, knowing that james really liked lily and really would treat her right. at least if i couldn’t be with her, my best friend would be happy with his dream girl and my dream girl would be happy with someone who loved her as she deserved.

i couldn’t see lily’s face, but my eyebrows shot up as she asked in a genuine tone, “like a date?” i watched james’ face light up as he looked around at all of us to make sure we were hearing this too. this was the first time lily had ever considered one of his proposals. james nodded carefully.

i felt more than heard lily’s sigh. “james, i’m sorry,” she started. we all glanced around at each other. while a rejection was definitely familiar, the genuine sympathy in her voice was foreign. “i can’t go out with you. it’s—god, i really thought you would’ve figured it out by now.” she sounded truly sympathetic and almost regretful. at james’ confused and sad puppy dog face, lily continued.

“i’m not interested—not just not in you, in any guy. i’m a lesbian.” my heart stopped at her words. i felt her tense against me, clearly worried for the reaction of those around us. james’ face had fallen, but he quickly smiled. he placed a gentle hand on her knee. “hey, that’s perfectly alright. i mean, i am a bit disappointed that you won’t be returning my feelings, but you’re cool. i’d like to keep being your friend, if that’s alright?” he asked. lily nodded quickly. “yes, that’s great. i find i actually quite like you when you aren’t trying to ask me out.” she said. i could hear the smile in her voice. james nodded once again and looked at me pleadingly.

i patted lily’s arm as james stood up, and she understood that i had to leave. the boys went ahead of me as i quickly kneeled and grasped her hand. “it was really brave of you and trust me, they’re all perfectly accepting. but i have to go, james—“

“he needs you.” she interrupted softly. i swallowed harshly and nodded. lily stared deeply into my eyes before mumbling, “i wish he could see what he’s had right in front of him this whole time. james would have never been so caught up on me if he had seen how you love him, how lucky he is to have your heart.” she gently tucked a strand of hair blowing in the breeze back behind my ear.

my jaw fell open and i laughed incredulously. “me? love him?” lily nodded, seeming confused at my response. “no, lily, it’s not—i’m like you. james has never been anything but a brother to me.” i rushed out. her eyes widened. “oh.” she breathed, eyes flicking down to my lips. i sat down fully again, closer to her than i’d been a moment before. “yeah, ‘oh.’”

lily’s fingers crept forward to meet mine, resting in the grass, before they climbed up further—up my arm, brushing my hair, resting on my shoulder. “i’ve wished to hear you say those words since our second year.” she giggled. i laughed in disbelief, and soon our foreheads were pressed together as we were both overcome by a fit of laughter. “well, i—i’ve been waiting since first year, since the train, so i believe that makes me the winner.”

lily gasped quietly and i grinned as she tried to compose herself. “the winner, hmm? i suppose that means you’ve earned a prize.” i stared down at her lips before forcing myself to look back into her intoxicating eyes. “i wouldn’t be opposed.” i whispered. lily hummed once more, her hand on my shoulder sliding to cradle the back of my neck as she leaned forward to press her lips to mine.

though i’d been waiting years for this moment, imagining and dreaming up how it would feel, i could’ve never imagined this. a warmth spread through me as our lips moved together in tandem. lily gently pulled me closer with an arm around my waist, and i angled her face to my liking with a gentle hand on her jaw. my brain felt like it was melting out of my ears as she lightly tugged my hair to get me closer. eventually, she pulled away, giggling breathlessly at my pout. “we do need air, you know.” she chastised lightheartedly. “who says?” i whined in response.

then, reality made its unwelcome return. “lily, i need to go to james. i’m sorry, i’ll be back, i promise. it’s just—”

“he’s your best friend. there’s nothing to apologize for, my love. i’ll be here, alright? no matter what. i’ve waited this long, what’s an hour or two more?” lily squeezed my hand in reassurance. i lunged forward to hug her, relishing in her enthused shriek as we tumbled over. “you may just be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, lily evans.” i declared quietly.

lily’s face erupted in a harsh blush and before she could reply, i pressed a last gentle kiss to her lips before sprinting off towards the castle.

dashing through the halls, i was given a wide berth and sympathetic looks; it seemed news of lily’s rejection had spread quickly. i skidded to a stop in front of the fat lady’s portrait, wheezing out the password under her concerned eye. “dear, are you quite sure everything’s alright?”

“yes, yes, please just let me in.” i begged through my gasping breaths. the portrait swung open and i maintained my quick pace until i was met with the door to the boys’ dorm. i knocked quickly and was almost immediately let in by peter. “thank god you’re here, james has been asking for you.” guilt struck deep in my chest as i tried to smile reassuringly at wormtail, knowing how he gets stressed in highly emotional situations.

“oh, don’t sound so relieved, wormy. we’ve got things all under control here!” sirius said, with a playful roll of his eyes. “yeah right.” james said, voice muffled as his head was smushed into his pillow. sirius shrugged from his place next to james on the bed, “alright, we’ve got it mostly under control then.”

remus sighed fondly, shaking his head and tugging sirius off the bed from behind him. “let the james whisperer work her magic.” i nodded in thanks before crawling up the bed to sit level with james’ shoulders. “talk to me, james.” i pleaded, rubbing his back soothingly. he pulled his face out of the pillow, resting it on my knee instead. “i just wish i would’ve known. i must’ve made her so uncomfortable and i’ve spent all this time on her when i never had a chance. i feel so stupid.” he sniffled, reaching up to wipe away a tear that had slipped. “oh james, you’re not stupid. you’ve just got the biggest heart of anyone i know. she’s not upset with you, okay? i promise. now you can move on, and i know that’s not what you’re thinking about right now, but it’s important to hear. there’s someone out there for you that will relish in your love and love you unconditionally in return. you’re gonna be alright, prongs.”

at these words, james’ eyes merely filled with more tears. he pushed himself up and flung his arms around me in a tight hug. i squeezed back just as fiercely, reaching to my fellow marauders to join. we all sat there together for a long while before we all disentangled from each other and lounged on the bed in a comfortable silence. remus tapped my head and i turned to look at him as he gestured to james. i stared in confusion. “tell him about lily. about how you feel for her.” he whispered to me. my eyes widened in shock. “how did you figure it out?” i hissed.

“you look at her the same way he does. the way i look at sirius.” he said with a gentle smile. i took a deep breath, remus squeezing my shoulder supportively, before i poked james for his attention.

“i have to tell you something. and i’m scared, but i think you deserve to know. all of you do.” at this, the rest of the marauders perked up and looked at me. “i, um… well, i like girls too.” there was a brief silence as i looked at my best friends, awaiting their reactions.

remus was the first to break the moment. “thank you for telling us, darling. i’m very proud of you.” he said clearly, reaching from behind to hug me around my shoulders. i sunk back into his embrace, squeezing his arms gratefully in return. sirius leapt up next, completely engulfing me and remus into a tight hug. “it all makes sense now! birds of a feather flock together, eh?” he cheered, ruffling my hair. i laughed, pushing him off.

peter merely shrugged. “i thought we all knew that already, but thank you for telling us.” my jaw dropped as i laughed in shock. he smiled sheepishly, grabbing my hand. my eyes landed on james, who was staring at me with a look i couldn’t discern. “james? is that… is that alright?” i mumbled nervously, playing with the hem of my jumper. “alright? oh, love, of course it is. come here.” he quickly replied, scooting closer to tug me into his arms. we began to rock gently back and forth.

“i was so scared, jamie.” i whispered into his shoulder as my eyes welled with tears. “it’s alright, it’s all okay now. you’re wonderful. don’t ever forget that. nothing to be scared of.” he cooed, going into mother mode. “i was scared because i loved lily too.” i rushed out, squeezing my eyes shut in fear of his response.

the rocking stopped. james didn’t seem to breathe for a moment. then, he pulled me somehow closer, his hand coming to hold the back of my head. “i’m so sorry. i’m so, so sorry.” he cried into my hair. “no, you’ve got nothing to apologize for, why are you sorry james?”

“you never did anything because of me. you didn’t have to give her up, love, i’m sorry.” i merely shook my head in response. i held no ill will towards james for my own decisions. he was my brother, and i’d give anything up to make him happy, even without him asking. suddenly, james lurched back, holding me at arms’ length. “you have to go to her now! she has to know how you feel!” i stared in confusion.

“come on, up!” james cried, pulling me to feet. “what are you on about?” i asked as sirius sprang up to pull me to the door. “you’ve got my blessing, now go tell lily how you feel!” james urged.

“are you sure? you love her—”

james interrupted me with a gentle hand over my mouth, “and i never had a chance. you might. she loves your company, i’ve never seen her look unhappy around you. and you love her too. you’ve given up all these years for my sake, now go be happy.” i grinned and swept james into a tight hug.

“thank you.” i whispered.

“thank me later.” james winked before shoving me out the door and following behind. i practically flew down the stairs, with the marauders all parading behind me and cheering me on. as i stepped into the common room, so did lily, entering through the portrait. she mumbled my name in something like wonder as i continued forward, stopping only when i was right in front of her and grasping her hands.

“hi.” we both said, and laughed at our synchronicity. i dropped one of her hands to cup her cheek with it. “hi.” i repeated. she laughed, winding an arm around my waist. “shut up.” she mumbled with a grin, before surging forward to once more press her lips to mine.

with the girl of my dreams holding me close and locking her lips to mine and the cheering of my closest friends in my ears, i figured things couldn’t get much more perfect than this.

#lily evans x reader #platonic james potter x reader #platonic marauders x reader

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builtbybrokenbells · 7 months

Text

Gold Dust Woman | xii

With exhaustion catching up and her willpower running low, y/n finally seems to make some progress in her quest to find peace.

Read part eleven here

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader, Sam Kiszka x f!reader, Danny Wagner x OC

Word Count: 12.5k

Warnings: angst, long emotional talks, swearing, crying, sickness (throwing up), feelings of guilt/regret, love triangle, mentions of pregnancy/pregnancy scares, mentions of unprotected sex, swearing, sorry if i miss any!

hi everyone, getting close to the end now. buckle in for the rest of the ride 🫶🏻 thanks for the love and for sticking with me this long. as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes! (Lightly edited so please forgive me)

“We are late.” Aaron said, ushering you through the doors of the airport. “Like, late late. We’ll be lucky if we’re there in time for soundcheck.” He was stressing, you could hear the panic in his voice even if he was trying his best to keep calm. You checked your watch, not finding the energy within yourself to match his concern. “Drop off your bags and get to the gate; we don’t have any time to spare.”

“Yes, sir.” You chuckled in attempt to ease the tension. He shot you a pointed glare, one that was not menacing but rather cemented his seriousness. “Got it,” you nodded, biting back a smile. As much as Aaron wanted to be a hard-ass, you always had a difficult time viewing him as a manager rather than a friend. Of course, he was fantastic at his job, but being around him so much had shifted the dynamic between you. In the beginning, it felt like walking on eggshells, like if you messed up, you would be sent home with nothing but the clothes on your back. Now, after drinking with him so often and getting to know him so well, you considered him just as close as your own band members or the brothers in the band you were touring with. Once you adapted to the tour life, you realized that everyone along with you was just the same as family, mostly because they were the only thing you had while on the road all of the time.

You all dropped your bags off at the appropriate place, grouping together as you moved through security. Your original flight was postponed due to poor weather, and until Aaron had a time and a plan that was set in stone, he was nearly inconsolable. You all had went to breakfast, hoping to pass the time until your rescheduled flight was boarding, but the whole time he seemed so sick with worry that he couldn’t eat. In truth, you were not that far behind schedule and you would definitely make it to the venue with plenty of time to spare. Of course, you could not explain that to him without calling him on his dramatic tendencies. In his eyes, if you weren’t six hours early, you were worse than late.

Even if it was annoying by times, it was a good trait for a manager to have. He always took any possible delays into consideration, and he was the reason that you all knew where you were going and when you had to be there. Without him, the tour would not have made it past the first city, but you were worried he might put himself into cardiac arrest from the sheer amount of stress he was holding on to. As you sat down to wait for the plane to board, you finished the last of your energy drink and tossed the can into a nearby trash can. You checked your watch again, already counting down the minutes until you were on the plane. As much as your enjoyed touring and playing music, flying was still something you couldn’t seem to get used to.

“You okay? You seem a little pale.” Danny asked from the seat beside you. You turned to look at him, confused at the question.

“Yeah, I think so.” You laughed. “Tired, I guess. Not thrilled about flying, but I’m okay.” He gave a slow nod, continuing his stare in hopes that you would keep talking. You raised an eyebrow, unsure of where his concern was coming from.

“The other night still bothering you?” He lowered his voice, making sure that you were the only one who could hear him. The words hit you like a ton of bricks, startling you from the sound alone. You had yet to speak of the incident that went down at the venue, and you weren’t keen on starting. Your eyes flickered to Jake who was standing next to his twin and lost in chatter. In the blinding airport light, the bruise on his cheek was as clear as day. You were sickened at the sight, noticing that it had finally began to yellow and fade. The cut on his lip was barely noticeable, now, but it was prominent enough for you to shudder at the sight. Perhaps it was not the sight that bothered you so much, but the memory of how he attained the injury.

You then looked to Sam, who was laughing alongside your own bassist. His nose was fine, but his undereye was still purple and angry looking. The smile on his face contradicted his injury, but you could tell that his eyes were not shining as bright as they used to. They both lost a piece of themselves to the flying fists that night at the venue, even if they were electing to stay silent about it. You knew this because it was the same piece of you that had disappeared, the one in which cockiness and self-assurance made home. All of you had lost your confidence and were succumbing to the fear of loss. You had not spoken a word to them, and they hadn’t tried, either. You were officially stuck in stalemate, fearful of digging an even deeper hole than the one you were already stuck in.

“I’m fine,” you assured him, leaning back in your seat. You weren’t, and in reality, you weren’t even anywhere close to okay. The lie was bold, and you both knew the truth, but you were not willing to admit to it. Your stomach was sick just thinking of the memory, and it was only growing worse as you continued to talk. “I knew the consequences, right? Now it’s time to live with them.” You shrugged.

“Doesn’t mean you have to suffer.” He placed a hand on your knee, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance. “You didn’t eat much this morning.”

“What are you, my mother?” You laughed.

“Someone’s gotta take care of you.” He chuckled.

“Many try, most fail.” You joked. “Just wasn’t hungry, I guess. The eggs looked disgusting.”

“I thought they were pretty good.” He shrugged.

“Maybe I’m just picky.” You smiled, sticking your hands in the pocket of your sweater. You looked to the ground, scared to meet his eye. Every time you looked at him, you seemed to profess every pressing thought that you had been trying to keep hidden. Something about Danny was so comforting, and his company compelled you to confide in him. It wasn’t the most terrible thing, but while in an airport two feet away from the main subjects of the story, it did not seem like the best place to air out your thoughts. In addition, you had no idea where to begin. You felt responsible for the fight that had occurred between the two, and no amount of reassurances would change your mind.

Of course, you knew that the brothers had an extensive history of fighting, and that they were victims to their own routine, but it did not mean that you viewed yourself as innocent. You were angry at them for many things, but you would be the lesser person if you tried to paint yourself as an angel. Your own reckless actions and decisions had just as much impact on the situation as their cockiness. Even if the devil is persuading you to sin, it does not make it okay to follow in his footsteps, and the footsteps you were following brought you down a much more sinister path than the devil ever intended. You would be lying if you said that you were avoiding them solely because you hadn’t made a decision yet, because there was a larger part of you that felt you couldn’t face them after driving them to such violence.

Danny stood, understanding that you weren’t willing to talk yet. He would allow you to mope for another day or two, then he would pry it from you. It was just the way your friendship worked, and as much as you may have protested against it through the years, it was comforting to know someone cared so much about you. Immediately, he found himself gravitating towards Dylan, who was only just making her way towards the group. You closed your eyes, resting your head on the back of the uncomfortable plastic chair. You were tapping your foot against the ground in hopes to pass the time faster, but delay was all you knew when it came to flying. It seemed like every flight had you sitting around for some reason or another, and despite knowing that, Aaron still needed you at the airport hours before the departure time. He was like a stressed out father preparing for vacation, and although it was comical, it was also a pain in the ass.

You could feel someone’s gaze settled on you as you sat with your eyes closed, but you weren’t sure who the perpetrator was this time. It was a fifty-fifty guess, and you had never been very good at gambling. You hoped that maybe if you pretended not to notice, they would catch the hint and move on. It had become routine for you three to share longing gazes, to find courage to open your mouth, but never enough to speak the words. It was normal for you to spend nights wishing the other would approach, invested in nothing but the thought of being lovers once more.

You felt stuck, just the same as you did all the way back in the beginning, even before Jake sealed your fate that night. It was the same aching loneliness and empty longing that you felt while pining after Sam, alone in your room or even when surrounded by a crowd. The air was constantly full of tension, one that could not be broken by another nor could it be contained. It was full of hope, although feeble, and grandly misplaced. Worst of all, it was full of desperation. It was so thick that it seemed as though you doused yourself in a cologne of it every morning, shameless in your need for them. But, somehow, when it came to embarrassment that you thought you should feel for your barefaced desire, somehow you felt none. It was comforting to know that this time, it was not a one-way street, and the two boys were just as stuck as you were. You knew you should not be rejoicing at the thought of their sorrow, and in a way, you weren’t. It was not happiness that they were hurting, just solace in the fact that you were not suffering alone, albeit silently. The thought of waking up seemed less gruesome, mostly because you knew you were not the only person struggling with getting out of bed.

Drowning seems less terrifying when there’s someone there to hold your hand, but reality hadn’t seemed to set in that you were all slowly sinking to your deaths, using each other to climb above surface while ultimately pushing the others down.

It was not until a body presented itself beside you that you were broken from your own mind, but when you opened your eyes to investigate, somehow your harrowing thoughts seemed more pleasant than the awkward interaction you were facing. Sam was beside you, taking post in the chair that Danny once claimed as his own, nervously looking between you and his hands in his lap. “Hi, Sammy.” You breathed, straightening yourself up. The sound of his name on your tongue was equivalent to striking gold after digging in dirt for months. Although, the three of you never had very good perception of poison versus prosperity, and prosperity was often greatly lacking. Your gaze fell to the dark bruise still lingering under his eye, and you had the sudden temptation to reach out and touch him, to take every inch of hurt away and bear it as if it were your own.

No, you did not want to carry it like it was yours; you wanted to make it your own, just so he wouldn’t have to suffer any longer.

“I’m sorry, y/n.” He started, still afraid to meet your eye. “I should have said it long before now, but I’m sorry for everything.”

“Sam, I-“

“No,” he shook his head “just let me, please?” You watched, nervous over his frantic need to voice his apologies.

“Okay,” you agreed, trying to relax back into the seat. Comfortability did not come easy when his aura was so powerful.

“I can’t sit here and wait, anymore. I can’t sit here and watch you walk away without even trying. I don’t know if you’re going to walk away, but I have to imagine that you are, because then I know what to say to try and make you stay.” His voice was incredibly soft, like he was giving you the key to his heart and begging you not to drop it. The conversation was personal, private, and as much as he wanted to scream his love for you, he needed to treat it as such. The performance that him and his brother had put on in front of everyone was weighing heavy on him, like the greatest sin he’d ever committed. He wished that instead of feeding into his anger towards Jake, he would have stopped and considered your feelings, first. He did not regret what transpired between Jake and himself, but he did regret being the reason for the look of terror on your face. “I’m okay with space, and I’m okay with waiting forever if I have to, because for you, it’s worth it. Everything is worth it when it comes to you. I just can’t sit and wonder if you really know how much you mean to me, because I care so much that it would be a shame for you to ever second-guess it.”

“I love you.” He whispered, finally finding the courage to look up at your face. “I made a lot of mistakes, y/n. I will spend the rest of my life making up for them, even if you don’t pick me, but it does not, not even for one second, take away from how much I love you. I am so sorry for what we put you through, from the very beginning, right up until the minute that this is over. And I am so incredibly sorry for what you saw at the venue that night.” You watched his eyes, lost in the genuine adoration he was showcasing for you. “You didn’t deserve any of it. You don’t deserve anything less than wonderful, and I’ve been giving you everything except that. You can doubt whatever you want to, be mad at me for the rest of your life, or whatever you want to do, but I just need you to know that I love you, and that I am sorry.”

“I love you, Sam.” You whispered, grimacing as the words came out. As true as they were, it was hard to speak them aloud. You loved him with every ounce of your soul, and loving someone so deeply was painful just as much as it was joyous. That was a harsh reality you had come to know in your efforts to love the brothers. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t want this for us.”

“I know, y/n.” He said, channelling enough courage to reach out and take your hand. The contact nearly exploded your heart; his skin on yours electrified you like a thousand strikes of lightning. It was almost too much to handle, sometimes, because your body was still on fire even long after he parted ways. “You tried to warn me.” A small smirk upturned on his lips.

“I did, but you never listen.” You found a smile blossoming on your lips, too. It was the first genuine one that had surfaced in a long time. “Boys are so stupid.”

“I’m stupid,” he corrected “but I’m glad I am, because you’ve always been worth the fight.” Your eyes softened at his words. You weren’t sure if he was sweet talking you in hopes of swaying your decision, or if he was being genuine. When you looked at his face, soaking in all of the details, it was difficult to believe he was being anything but truthful. “No matter which way this goes, I’m grateful for the time I spent with you.”

“Me too, Sam.” You mumbled, feeling the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Every time he was in your company, you couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of wanting more. Being beside him almost wasn’t enough; you needed to feel him on you, for him to hold you and for you to hold him. You needed Sam in every way that you could possibly have him, and even though you had spent so much time avoiding him, that desire never seemed to flee you.

“Okay, guys. Let’s go.” Aaron said, his eyes fixated on the now open gate to board the flight. You broke away from Sam’s gaze, looking around to notice that everyone was now standing and making their way towards the plane. Your eyes landed on Jake, who was all but rushing to leave. His stare was fixated on you with pain engraved in his features. He was afraid that if he walked away, he would ultimately let you fall into Sam’s arms without a fight. He caught your eyes, silently pleading with you to wait for him, but it was almost unbearable to look at him for too long. When Aaron guided Jake along with him, you looked away in hopes of sparing yourself from any more heartbreak. If you had to keep watching the sad expression on his face, you were afraid you would not be able to find enough courage to get on the plane, too.

“Whatever you decide, y/n.” Sam said, pulling your attention back to him. “I’ll support it. I want you to be happy, but I can’t let you go without letting you know how much you mean to me.”

“I know, Sam.” You breathed. “I hope you know that you mean the same to me.” A smile crossed his lips at the sound of your confession. He didn’t need an answer, just reassurance that you were still thinking of him. It was blasphemous that he ever thought you would forget him, because he seemed to take up every single empty space in your brain. Forgetting about the brothers was out of the question, even if you so badly wished you could. “I don’t know what I’m doing, or even where I’m going most of the time, but I know how much I love you.”

“I’d like to kiss you, if that’s okay.” He said, completely lost in you. You were both so close to the end, and you knew that if you could just open your heart a little bit more, you could be happy with Sam. He could give you what you needed, and you knew he had the ability love you forever, but it was like you were stuck in a glass house. Through the crystal clear walls, you could see the life you were desperate to live with him, but you could not step through the barrier to get to the other side. It was torture, watching your life play out perfectly yet being unable to take it for your own. “I promise I’ll give you as much time as you need, but I just can’t leave without it.”

You leaned forward, uncaring of his reasoning behind his need to kiss you. You wanted it, and you were willing to give it to him without any persuasion or hesitation. You snaked your arm around his neck, uncomfortably bent over the arm of the chair, and pressed your lips to his. The awkward position and public display did not bother you, because the minute you were kissing him, the world felt okay again. All of the things that had been haunting you seemed to disappear in an instant, soothed by the feeling of being with him again. His hand cupped your cheek, drawing you closer while you both wished you could stay there forever.

When you parted, you were nearly crushed under the weight of your grief. Knowing that you had to walk away and leave him behind was devastating, and knowing that the situation would only worsen from there was even more terrifying. Before facing the hard decisions, he pulled you in for another. Tears were threatening to spill down your cheeks before he even broke the kiss. “We should go before Aaron realizes we’re not on the plane.” You whispered, strained by your unwillingness to end the moment.

“Right,” he muttered, lips still ghosting over your own. “Don’t think I can risk getting in trouble again.” He spoke the truth, but it did not seem like he cared. He was more than happy to get in trouble if it meant he could spend another moment alone with you.

“Mhm,” you hummed “wouldn’t want them to replace you with another bassist.”

“You really think they could replace me?” He teased. You could practically feel him smiling with how close his face was to yours.

“No,” and it was the truth. Sam was irreplaceable, and you knew that long before he ever made a home in your heart. He was one of a kind, beautiful and talented and funny all the same. He made mistakes, and in no way was he perfect, but his imperfections made him all the more remarkable. You were head over heels for Sam Kiszka, and you had to wonder why the world could not have been more kind. In another universe, you would be free to love him with no guilt, and free to live happily with him with no fear or regret. You wished you could be in that beautiful world, but for now, you had to learn how to navigate the cruel one you were stuck in. “You are worth your weight in gold, Sammy.”

“And you are, too, Gold Dust Woman.” He said. “I mean, it’s in the name, is it not?” You chuckled, letting your thumb drift over his cheek. As sweet as his statement was, the name was not right coming from him. Instead of dwelling on the thought, you kissed him once more. It was short, but it was sweet, and it was exactly what you needed to find the energy to get on the flight.

“Let’s go,” you whispered, standing up despite every molecule of your body begging you to stay seated beside him. He gave a slight nod, standing to join you.

“However long it takes, whoever you choose… I’ll still love you the same, and I’ll be happy as long as you are.” He assured you. “And if you don’t pick me, I’ll respect your decision, but I’ll always be hoping you’ll change your mind.” His honesty was gut wrenching, but you could not chastise him for speaking his truth. As much as it hurt to hear, he knew that this was one of his last opportunities to win your heart for good.

“Even if… even if things don’t work out, you’ll always have a piece of my heart, Sammy.” You mumbled as you walked towards the gate. Without waiting for a response, you boarded the plane. You could not bear to look back and see his face again, even if you wanted it more than anything else in the world. He was close behind you, but respected that the conversation had come to an end. He had gotten what he needed to keep going, and now fate was truly in your hands.

You walked down the aisle, locating your seat easily; there was an empty spot next to Dylan calling your name, and her eyes were watching with curiosity. Aaron turned look at you as you passed by, upset at your late arrival. You brushed his gaze off and continued on to your seat. You settled in with no hesitation, thankful to be in the company of someone who could speak some sense into you. You were too worked up to even care that you had an aisle seat, and too guilty about your interaction to look anyone in the eye. To top off the emotional distress, Jake was in the seat directly across the aisle from you, and he had no shame in his unwavering stare.

“What was that?” Dylan asked with blatant disregard for privacy. Her voice was clear, loud enough to be heard from neighbouring seats, and she had not one care about it. You snapped your head up to look at her, eyes warning her to lower her voice.

“I don’t know!” You whispered, distress radiating from you. “I just… he came over, and he started saying sweet things, and he was looking at me all sad, and I cracked, I guess!”

“Okay,” she said, placing a hand atop of yours. “Calm down, it’s okay. You are okay.”

“I’m not okay, Dylan.” You shook your head. “I liked it so much that I didn’t want to leave. I miss him so much that it hurts to even think about it.”

“Okay,” she nodded, repeating her earlier statement. “That’s okay. You love him; that’s not a crime.”

“It is when I feel the same way about his brother, who happens to be staring at me as we speak.” She let out a chuckle, moving slightly to see for herself.

“He’s not staring anymore.” She tried to ease your worry, but you were still vibrating with anxiety. No words she could speak would ease your panic. “Did it feel any different than before?”

“I mean… yeah, I guess. Every time I look at Sam, I just feel like I could fall in love with him forever and never worry about anything else. I’ve been in love with Sam for years, and it always seems so easy with him. Even then, when I knew I shouldn’t… loving him was so easy.” She raised an eyebrow, begging you to listen to yourself for a moment.

“Isn’t that enough of an answer for you?”

“No,” you shook your head “well, I mean, I guess… I just, I feel the same way when I look at Jake. It’s been harder to open up to him, to let him in and let him stay, but god when I do, it’s the most fantastic thing I’ve ever felt.” She gave a sad smile, listening intently as you spoke. “It’s never easy with Jake, but it’s so rewarding that the struggle doesn’t even seem to matter.”

“Yeah, you guys get along like a house on fire.” She chuckled. You nodded as you gave a tight lipped smile. The more you spoke, the more sick you felt. As comforting as it was to spend a moment alone with Sam, the guilt that was plaguing you was insufferable. “What’s wrong? You look pale.”

“Just feel sick,” you said, taking a deep breath. “Stress, probably.” You said, feeling your face start to burn. You closed your eyes, hoping that the churning in your stomach would settle. After a moment, your head began to spin, and you were more than certain the feeling was not going to pass pleasantly.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dylan asked, sitting up in her seat as she prepared to help if needed. You managed a shake of your head before springing to your feet. You bit down on the inside of your lip to distract yourself as you moved towards the bathroom. You made it just in time, thankful that it was vacant so you could suffer without interruption.

You leaned over the toilet and lost what little breakfast you had choked down earlier that morning. You sat on the floor for a moment, taking breaths to calm yourself as you wiped a layer of sweat from your forehead. Once you were certain the nausea had settled, you stood and washed your hands and then splashed your face. When you returned to your seat, the sickness was so much better that you could have forgotten you threw up in the first place. You sat back down, heaving a sigh as Dylan watched you with worry. “Do you have gum? Or gravol?” You asked.

“Both, I think.” She said, looking through her backpack by her feet. After a moment, she gave you the requested items along with a bottle of water she had in her lap. “You okay?”

“This should help.” You murmured, taking the anti-nauseant with some water. You popped a piece of gum in your mouth and handed everything back to her. “Think I’m alright, just better to be safe.”

“Have you been drinking?” She asked. You knew she had reason to be concerned, but the accusation struck a nerve in you.

“No,” you replied, tone short and clear. It was the truth, and since the incident between Jake and Sam, you had steered clear of any alcohol. You thought it best to make your decision sober, and you knew you would never come to a decision to begin with if you continued drinking like you had been.

“Okay,” she trusted you, opting to believe the answer.

“Maybe just ate something bad,” you shrugged, leaning back in your seat. “Doesn’t matter, I feel alright now. I’m gonna try and get some rest before we land.” You explained, closing your eyes before she could say another word.

“Okay, I’ll be here if you need anything.” She said, relaxing into her own seat. You popped your headphones in your ears and listened to the sound of music instead of your racing thoughts. After a few songs, the drowsiness from the medication began to take over, and you were knocked out before the plane even left the ground.

When you woke, it was to Dylan shaking your arm. Groggily, you cracked your eyes open and looked over to inquire about the disturbance. When you caught sight of the window, you noticed that you were on the ground. “Did I sleep through the whole flight?”

“Yeah, I should knock you out every time we fly. Was awfully peaceful.” She teased. You sat up, rubbing your eyes to aid in your wakefulness.

“Oh, shut up.” You grumbled, taking in a long breath. The bodies in the seats around you had begun to stand, ready for the departure from the plane. Dylan and Riley waited for you to come around before standing themselves. You rose to your feet, grabbing your carry on before filing out behind the rest of the passengers. The airport was busy, loud and filled with frantic people who had also been delayed due to the weather. Aaron intercepted the group of you, taking the front and stopping you all for a moment to hand out instructions.

You were barely listening, more or less just content going along with the flow. In truth, your mind was far too occupied with your interaction with Sam to worry about anything else. You were thinking of the heavenly things that came along with his company, the solace in his touch and the happiness that filled your heart from the sight of his face alone. Sam was always so charming, and he’d stolen your heart the minute you laid eyes on him. He never needed to try; you had fallen in love with him easier than you fell asleep at night. Through jokes and shared smiles, and the occasional touch that lingered for a moment too long, Sam had his claws so deep in you that it was no longer painful. You thought you might even miss the pain if it were to disappear.

The choice was obvious, and you knew that after your history with Sam stemming back to the very beginning, your heart had always wanted him. He hurt you, and that was obvious, but you hurt him, too. You would not truly love him if you could not forgive him for his mistakes, especially if you expected him to forgive you for your own. Loving Sam was the most simple of things, and you did it without even realizing it. You did it before he ever expected or asked for it, and that was always a heavy thought in your mind. He had the ability to make you love him by simply existing.

At the same time, every thought that pointed you in his direction fled with pain in its wake. Pain for the version of you who hurt so much over him while you believed he lacked interest, pain for the version of you who had fallen so deeply in love with Jake, and pain for Jake himself. Just when you believed you could love Sam entirely and fall into his arms, you could not ignore the same pressing feeling that arose each time. If you were meant for Sam, why had it been written in the stars to fall for Jake before you could be with him? And if you chose Sam, was it because of your fear of struggle, or because he was the right person for you? All of the questions seemed to forever float in your brain, and an answer had not yet surfaced in the mess of inquiries.

You had grown so much that you could not choke down the idea of loving solely because of logic. Before facing the daunting challenge of truly falling in love, logic and emotion existed together as one, and you could not make a decision of emotion without any logical reasoning. You loved rules and thrived from routine. You calculated your entire life down to the very last gram of your existence, and so far, it had worked perfectly for you. Numbers made sense, facts and statistics and books spoke volumes in comparison to the feeble needs of your heart, but you could no longer rely on logic. Yes, when compared on paper, each decision had pros and cons, and one certainly outweighed the other, but love can not be explained with a formula, nor could you measure emotion with a scale.

You needed to pick which boy made your heart feel at home, the one who made the world appear brighter, and the one who made you feel most like yourself. You were choosing the person who suited your needs, one who could reignite your fire when it burned out. You needed someone who would talk you down when you were too high, and pick you up when you stumbled to the ground. Logic could not explain who would emotionally fulfill you; only emotion could do that, and despite your hatred for relying on your heart, it was the only thing that could lead the way.

Unfortunately for you, you had never led a decision with your heart, nor did you have any idea how to let it take charge. You struggle resulted from your dependence on fact, and your tendency to shun your emotions. You needed to learn how to put your rules aside and accept them for how your heart saw them. Logic had no place in this battle of love, and you refused to cower to your own destructive tendencies. If you continued to think of it the way you had previously, you would think so much that you would eventually convince yourself to run. Running was no longer an option, and neither was leaving them behind. You had grown too much to succumb to your usual fears, and to prove to yourself that you had grown as much as you believed you had, you needed to face the problem head on.

That left you one option, and it was the very thing you had been avoiding for weeks; you needed to speak with Jake, and it was a conversation that was long overdue. To know, you had to open your heart once more in the same way you had opened it to Sam earlier that day. No walls, no defence, nothing. You knew you had to, but knowing you should and actually doing it are two very different things. This time, you had to push yourself forward. There was no more room for fear, because all of the waiting was doing nothing other than furthering your suffering. Even so, you decided you did not have to jump on the idea as soon as it arose, and you would allow yourself some time to sit with it before approaching him.

The ride to the venue was mostly silent as you were all attempting to conserve what little energy you had left. Flying the same day as you performed always sucked, but you had to deal with it every so often. Aaron tried his best to make the travelling as comfortable for you all as he possibly could, but every now and again things were out of his control. Thankfully, there was always people assigned to checking in to the hotels and bringing your bags to your rooms, so there was one less exhausting task to worry about. You tried not to think of the incident on the airplane, mostly because occasionally, your stomach would continue churn with unease. You wanted to chalk the sickness up to eating something bad, but nobody else seemed sick. You knew, to the core, the illness was likely stemming from the stress you had been constantly feeling for the past few weeks.

When you arrived, you all bustled inside as if you were minutes away from showtime. In reality, you were there hours earlier than expected, and Aaron had been stressing for no real reason. “Give us an hour to get your instruments set up.” Aaron said, already walking past you to rush to the stage.

“Take your time,” you assured him, laughing at his frantic attitude. You looked around, eyeing the names on the doors of the dressing rooms to locate your own. Yours was stuck in the middle of everyone else’s, but it did not bother you too much. When you opened the door and saw the luxury of the inside, the placement was the least of your worries. There were couches, a mini fridge that you knew was stocked with plenty of beverages, and a private bathroom connected to the main room. When you walked in further, you noticed that there was even a shower inside. You sat your bag on the couch and collapsed beside it, exhausted despite your slumber on the flight.

You closed your eyes, relaxing into the cushions in hopes of catching a few more minutes of sleep before the busy night ahead. Just as you thought you might be comfortable enough to drift off, a knock sounded on your door. You cracked one eye open, expecting Dylan or Danny (or both, which seemed to be happening much more often than not) to be standing before you. Instead, your heart sped at the stony expression that Jake was holding on his face. You straightened in your seat, opening both eyes to let him know you were alert. He didn’t speak, clearly waiting for an invitation, but you were far too anxious to grant him permission to enter.

Silence had become such a common occurrence between you two that words almost seemed foreign. It was easier to hold back than it was to give in, and that’s what made loving Jake so difficult. You did not know what to say to him, or if he even wanted to hear it. The only thing you did know was that there was no words that could ease the pain the pair of you were holding in your hearts. You did notice he looked tired, similar to yourself. He was closer to you than he had been in days, and despite your refrain, you could practically feel his hands on you already. The only thing holding you back from loving him was your own fears, and as the seconds dwindled down, they were growing more distant.

His posture was rigid, like he had lost all of the comfortability he used to feel with you. It hurt you to see him present himself as a stranger, especially after opening your hearts to each other in such a profound way, but you understood why he was doing it, mostly because you felt the same. The air was different since your separation, and not in any pleasant manner. The world was colder, dimmer, and less exciting. Jake had barely done as much as look in your direction since the altercation between him and his brother, likely due to his regret for taking things too far. You knew you had to push your boundaries, to take the step and speak to him, but doing was much different than knowing, and you were terrified of confrontation.

“Can I come in?” He finally asked, tone quiet as if he were scared of bothering you.

“Of course you can, Jake.” Speaking somehow seemed less terrifying once he initiated it, but it was still far from easy. “Close the door.” You added, nodding to the only thing separating you from seclusion with him. He did as you asked, stepping inside and gently closing the door behind him. Once he did, he stood near the exit as if he forgot your permissive statement entirely. “You can come sit, if you want.”

“Okay,” he said, approaching you on the couch. You had never seen him so timid; sure, Jake had been very emotional around you. You had seen anger, sweetness, hurt, and even a flash of sadness every now and again, but never once had you seen him so reserved and shy. He took a seat beside you, leaving a generous amount of space between your bodies. “I just wanted to apologize,”

“For what?”

“For being an asshole.” He jumped straight to the point, finding no need to dance around the subject. “I never should have said that stuff in front of everyone. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It happened,” you shrugged. “I’m not innocent, either.” You both fell into a silence, neither knowing how to continue from there. You had no idea why it was so difficult to open yourself to him, and no idea why after so long, it was still the hardest thing to do with him. You both sat, avoiding looking to each other while you hoped the other would speak first. You were stuck in a terrible limbo, and you didn’t know if you would ever be able to break it.

“It’s been a while since we talked. I guess I just wanted to know how you were doing.” His tone was flat, no emotion bleeding through. You could tell the formality was not what he wanted from the conversation, but he was unsure of how to approach you.

“Tell me the truth,” you said, glancing over at him from the corner of your eye.

“What?” He questioned, his demeanour shifting. “That is the truth.”

“Christ Jake, give it up.” You turned to face him. “Put your ego down for a second; it’s okay to be honest, it’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to feel things.” You caught his eye, holding his stare. “It’s okay to be weak around me, because god knows I am when I’m around you.” His eyes flickered nervously between your face and the floor, feeling cornered into a confession. Jake did not enjoy when the power was not in his hands, but he had been learning to get used to it, because it never was when he was around you.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “I saw you and Sam at the airport.”

“I know.”

“It sucked, y/n.” He finally said, feeling the weight of his words begin to fill the air in the room. “It fucking sucks, because you said that you needed space. It’s fine if you do, I don’t mind, but I think it’s unfair for you to ignore me and talk to him. It seems like the only space you need is from me, so if you’ve made up your mind, I need to know.”

“You think I’d do that to you?” You asked, hurt evident in your rebuttal. When he caught sight of the pain in your eye, he had to look away just to keep his composure.

“No,” he shook his head, voice quiet once more. “I don’t.”

“Then why would you say it?” You questioned, but before he had time to answer, the walls of defence you held came down with a booming sound. You had promised not to walk into this confrontation with defence, and you had done exactly what you swore not to do. “Why are we fighting, Jake?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“It seems like it’s all we know how to do.” You mumbled. “We’ve always got our guard up, even when we’re happy. I don’t know how to let you in, and you don’t know, either.”

“We know how to do more than fight,” he corrected, looking back to meet your face. “We just won’t let ourselves do it.”

“I’m so scared of breaking my own heart that it paralyses me, and I’m so scared of breaking yours that it kills me.” You admitted.

“I am, too.” He muttered. “I don’t want to hurt you, Gold Dust Woman. All I ever wanted to do was love you, but I’m not very good at it.” The sadness in his face was gutting, and you believed that you would never be able to love him enough to take that away.

“You need to give yourself credit where credit is due, Jacob.” You whispered, holding his gaze. “You told me that intimacy isn’t easy, and you were right. Just because it’s been hard doesn’t mean it hasn’t been worth it.” A glimmer of hope flashed in his eyes, making him believe that there truly was a part of you that still felt the same for him as he did for you. In that moment, you felt like your whole world came crashing down around you. The sickness returned, and your heart was erratic in your chest. You had been so caught up in your own inability to face your emotions that you had failed to understand how badly Jake was struggling with the same things. He was not one to give his heart away freely, nor one to give someone else any power over him. He was elusive, quiet and meticulous about almost everything in his life. Jake may have thrown you off course by making you fall in love with him, but you had uprooted his entire life. He was facing parts of himself that he never had before, and he was terrified of the possibility of losing you after so much time spent growing comfortable with you.

“It’s not, and I think when I said that, I was trying to convince myself of that, too.” He let out a low chuckle, thinking back to the simple memory. “I wanted to do it all right for you, y/n, but I feel like I’ve been doing everything wrong.”

“You don’t have to be apologetic for the way things happened. You did what you thought was best at the time, and so did everyone we. We all contributed to this, and we’ll all see the same consequences no matter how it turns out.” You reached over, slipping your hand in his. He was shocked at the sudden touch, but welcomed it immediately. “I still feel the same way about you, Jake. Just because things aren’t the same as they were last month, doesn’t mean that I’m any different than who I was a month ago. As much as I wish I was sometimes, I’m not.”

“I guess was the jealous one, this time.” A small smile was pulling at his lips.

“That’s what happens when you love someone.” You felt a smile growing to match his own.

“I do love you, Gold Dust Woman.” Neither of you could hide the elation in your features, finally content to be alone with each other again.

“And I love you, Jake.” The confession which once seemed to cause so much fear within you slipped out easier than ever before. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, yet, but you’ll be the first to know when the time comes.” He nodded, understanding better now that he was hearing the words. No matter what the situation or who the person in question was, common sense is not enough when you’ve spent weeks stuck in your own head. Rationality was a stranger to all of you, and insanity was growing closer every day.

“I respect it,” he said “thank you for being honest.”

“Lying to you has never been an option for me.” You let out a small laugh.

“‘Cause you suck at it.” He joined in, genuine happiness radiating from him. You nodded, another laugh finding you as you gave him a silent agreement. “It’s okay if you need more time, but can I have ten minutes? Just to help me get through it.”

“Nine and a half, but you have to buy me a drink the next time we go to the bar.” You joked. The smile never left his face as he replied without hesitation.

“I’ll buy you drinks for the rest of your life if it makes you happy.” Although the moment was humorous, the truth behind his words was evident.

“Ten minutes,” you agreed, nodding your head. You knew that it was not the best idea, but you needed it just as badly as he did. He checked his watch, noting the time before he made any moves.

“Come here,” he said, a new surge of energy washing over him. Before you could comprehend his words, he had reached over and snaked his arm around you. With little struggle, he pulled you into his lap. You settled in with ease, as if you were always meant to be there. “Ten minutes.” He said, pondering the statement as if it was opening his mind to endless possibilities. “We can do a lot in ten minutes.”

“Watch it,” you warned, immediately recognizing the mischief in his eye.

“I know, I’m kidding.” He assured you, resting his hands on your hips. The touch was fantastic, leaving your skin tingling from the feeling alone. “I’m perfectly fine staying like this.” You didn’t need to say it, but he knew you felt just the same. Now that you were so close to him, you could see the extend of the damage left on his face by his brothers hands. Cautiously, you reached up, running your thumb over the bruise still lingering on his jaw. His eyes fluttered closed, knowing why you felt the need to touch him, yet too enthralled in the feeling to care about it.

“It’s my fault,” you whispered, tracing gently over the damaged skin. His eyes opened, looking up at you with a heavy lidded gaze.

“No,” he shook his head gently. “Don’t say that.”

“It is, though. I should never have let things go this far. If I could just make up my mind, maybe we wouldn’t be here.”

“Exactly; we might not be here, and I can’t think of a worse idea.” He turned his head to the side, pressing a soft kiss to your finger. “I’d take a million punches if it meant I could have one second with you, like this.”

“You shouldn’t be so willing to take a hit for anyone, Jake. Especially not me.” You flattened your hand against his face, cupping his cheek in your palm. You let your thumb drift over the soft skin, savouring the feeling of him while you still could.

“Especially not you?” He questioned, unbelieving of your words. “Gold Dust Woman, you are worth so much more than you think. This world is only right when you’re in it, and I swear that sometimes when I look at the sky at night, those stars shine just for you.” He said, lifting his hand to brush the hair from your face. “I don’t regret anything, and I would do it all over again just to get the chance to be with you, even if you don’t pick me. Being hurt by you is a privilege, and it’s much better than not knowing you at all.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Jake.” You whispered. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I know,” he said, leaning forward and resting his forehead on your own. “You don’t have to worry about hurting anyone, y/n. We knew the risks, and we know that you’re worth it, no matter how it ends. I know that I can’t make you choose me, and if you don’t want to, that’s okay. But, I’m in this until the end, and I really hope you do.”

“I wish I could give you an answer, Jake.” You felt horrible for not knowing, and even worse that you were allowing him such intimacy while both of you were aware that you might not end up together.

“I can wait,” he promised. “I’d wait forever for you, if I had to.” He leaned forward, letting his lips ghost over your own. “I love you, Gold Dust Woman.” You did not have the willpower to shy away from the advance. You wanted him so badly that all other rationale no longer existed.

“I love you, Jake.” You closed the gap between you, pulling him into a kiss that showcased all of the emotion you had been holding back. It was passionate and desperate, yet sweet all at once. It was not picturesque or anything like the movies, but it was perfect for you and Jake. Your relationship had been far from ideal, but you could not argue the fact of enjoyment, because every minute you were lucky enough to spend with him was worth the pain.

Before you two were ready to part, another knock sounded on the door of your dressing room. At first, you ignored the sound. You were too caught up in Jake to care about anyone else. When the knock sounded a second time, louder and more imminent, you broke the kiss with a scowl on your face. He chuckled at your expression, head still spinning from the feeling of your lips on his. It didn’t matter to him that he had to go, because he was leaving with a far better attitude than when he arrived. Much like his brother, he just needed to know you still cared, and hearing you say ‘I love you’ was more than enough to brighten his spirits.

“I think my ten minutes are up, anyway.” He said, eyes glancing at the clock hanging on the wall.

“I don’t care about the ten stupid minutes,” you breathed, desperate for him to stay. “I was never going to kick you out in the first place.” He knew it, and so did you, but he opted not to point out the obvious.

“It wouldn’t be fair for me to stay, now would it?” He chuckled. “As much as I’d like to, it’s probably time for soundcheck. I wouldn’t want to stress Aaron out any more. I’m scared he might have a heart attack.” A third knock struck a nerve in you, now genuinely angry at whoever was standing on the other side of the door. “It’s okay, Gold Dust Woman. I’ll be here whenever you need me.” You nodded, knowing that his departure was for the best, even if the thought of being without him again was sickening. He helped you to your feet, waiting for you to lead the way to the door, but you refused to budge. After a second, you pulled him into a hug, laying your head on his chest as you held him tightly to you. He rested one hand on the back of your head and let the other fall on your lower back. Hugging was not something the two of you did very often, but in light of what could happen, you wanted to cherish any intimacy with him as humanly possible. He leaned down and placed a kiss to the top of your head before you stepped away.

“You’re going to do fantastic tonight, sweetheart.” He said, strained from his unwillingness to let go. “I’ll be on the sidelines cheering the loudest, like always.”

“Thanks for stopping by, Jake. I can’t wait to see you play.”

“I’ll be playing for you,” he reminded, giving you a smile. You didn’t say it, but you hoped that he knew you always played for him, too. Without any other words, you both walked towards the door. The knocking had ceased, and you assumed that the person had likely taken the hint. When you turned the knob to allow Jake to leave, you nearly jumped out of your skin in shock at the sight of a body standing in the way. You felt your cheeks redden, embarrassed over being caught with both brothers after swearing to keep your distance. Jake cleared his throat, muttering a small excuse as to why he needed to leave before slipping into the hallway and out of sight.

“You’re a busy lady, today.” Dylan smirked, forgoing any greeting and walking into your room without invitation.

“Did you come over just to patronize me?” You asked, swinging the door shut behind her. Even if you did not verbally grant her permission to come inside, she knew she was always welcome.

“No, I actually came over for a reason, this time, not just to bother you.”

“That’s a surprise.” You muttered, turning to face her. She was holding a bag in her hand that looked to be from a nearby convenience store. Once she knew she had your attention, she pulled a box from the bag and tossed it on the table beside the couch. You looked down at the item, wondering what she thought was so imminent. When your eyes settled on the pink packaging, your head tilted to the side in confusion. “For me, or you?”

“You.” She said, sitting on the couch and crossing her legs.

“Why?” You asked, not trying to be rude but completely missing her point. She rolled her eyes but didn’t chastise you for your ignorance.

“You threw up today.” She replied as if it was obvious. “I’ve only ever seen you do that when you’re drunk, and I’ve known you since you moved to Nashville. You don’t seem very sick,” A prickle of fear ran through you, but you didn’t want to let anxiety get the best of you. You listened while she spoke while trying to calm yourself at the same time. “And I want to believe you when you say that you’re not drinking, so this is my second best guess.”

“It’s probably just stress, Dylan.” You brushed her off despite knowing that she had a very good point. “Or bad food; we’ve been eating takeout for weeks.” You were doing anything to find an excuse, because the alternatives seemed much better than the idea she was presenting.

“Nobody else is sick, babe.” She reminded, nodding towards the pregnancy test. “Is there a chance you could be?” You looked from her to the box, unable to give her a verbal answer. Your silence spoke louder than any words, and you both knew that it was in your best interest to comply with her request. “Better safe than sorry.”

“Okay.” You breathed, taking a step forward to grab the test.

“I can come in with you, if you want.” She offered.

“Okay.” You reiterated your previous statement, now too choked with fear to speak anything other than single word answers. Silently, she followed you into the bathroom, taking a seat on the counter to give you a shred of privacy while you did your business. When you finished, you capped the test and set it face down on the counter by the sink. You washed your hands and backed up against the wall, slowly sliding down into a sitting position. You pulled your knees to your chest and rested your chin on your legs, staring down at the floor while your stomach churned with unease.

“Talk to me.” Dylan offered, noticing your state of panic, even if you were being silent about it. She knew you so well that she could tell your mood even from another room.

“I’m just nervous, I guess. You’re right, and what you said makes sense, but I can not be pregnant right now.” You chuckled, but the scene was far from funny. “I take birth control; I thought I’d be fine. Guess I should have been more careful.”

“Do you…” she trailed off, unsure if she wanted to ask you the pressing question. “If it’s positive, do you know who’s it is?” You kept your eyes on the floor, counting back the days in your head. The more you thought, the more panicked you felt. You had been so caught up in your feelings about the brothers that you had failed to notice that your own body was screaming for attention. You were late for your period, and approximately two weeks prior would have been the same time as your first professions of love to the boys. With no comfort at all, you had to recall the nights you spent with them, reckless and careless in your endeavours. Although, the entire time you had spent with them had been careless and reckless; this instance just happened to be more catastrophic.

“No,” you shook your head. “Could be either of them.” You said, running a hand through your hair.

“If it’s positive,” she reinforced her words, making sure you knew that this was all hypothetical and it could be a false alarm. “Who would you rather do this with?”

“That’s a loaded question.” You scoffed, unable to even begin decoding the answer.

“It doesn’t have to be, y/n.” She said, shaking her head at your constant need to second guess yourself. “You have to stop looking at everything the same way. When you think of this: the rest of your life, all of the challenges and the obstacles, but all of the memories and the happiness, too; who can you picture beside you, helping you through it all? Don’t dwell on it, just the first one that pops in your head. The longer you sit with it, the harder it gets. You can weigh the pros and cons for the rest of your life and neither will come out on top. I’m not asking you to choose between them, I just need you to tell me who comes to mind before anything or anyone else.” She explained, just as frustrated as you were. She hated seeing you suffering, but she knew that without a push, you would never draw a conclusion on your own.

“So, I’m going to ask you again. When you picture the rest of your life, who is the first person that you think of?” You looked up, tears brimming your eyes as you watched her. The word stayed stuck in your throat as you tried to force it back down, but this time you could not seem to fight it. The answer was there; it was the same one you knew existed all along, and it was begging to be told. You may have been too cowardly to submit to it, but it had been staring you in the face since the very beginning.

“Sam.” You uttered, knowing deep in your heart that you meant it. She had tricked you into choosing, making you believe that her inquiry was not one of finality, but it was. Relief flooded both of your faces as soon as the name left your lips, and you felt a ton of weight lift from your shoulders. “It’s always been Sam, Dylan. Even before Jake came into the picture. I’ve been in love with him since the day I met him, and I think I’ll be in love with him for the rest of my life.”

“There you go,” she whispered, a smile creeping onto her lips.

“I love Jake, and I know that losing him is going to be devastating, but it’s always been so easy with Sam. Jake and I care a lot about each other, but we have no idea how to deal with that. We’re hot headed, and we fight, and we’ve been trying to figure out how to love someone all while being in love at the same time. It’s complicated, and it’s painful more that it’s pleasurable. I know that a life with him could be great, fantastic even, but it could also be catastrophic.”

“I know you care about him, y/n. You don’t have to try and convince me.”

“I know… maybe I’m trying to convince myself.” You sighed. “I’ve spent this entire time worried that if I picked Sam, I would be doing it because it’s the easy way out. I don’t think it is, Dylan. You can’t just love someone for so long and then let them go. There’s so much history, and so much simplicity. It’s easy existing with Sam, it’s comfortable, and it’s enjoyable. I don’t think picking him is the easy way out; it feels right. After all this time, and all of this hurt… I just feel like he’s the one who I could spend my life with. It would be a great life, never too complicated, and happy.” You said the word again, almost like you couldn’t believe you might actually have a shot at happiness. The pain had been so extensive for so long that happiness had forever seemed just slightly out of reach, and you were ready to take it for you own. The power was back in your hands, coursing through you and giving you strength that you no longer believed you had. “I loved him before I even knew I was capable of love, and that has to speak for itself. I love Jake, I really do, but I can’t help but think if I choose him, I’m setting myself up for heartbreak again.”

“I’m proud of you.” She said, not uttering a disagreement or approval. She needed you to be sure of yourself, for you to pick the right person for you, and it felt like you had. Finally, after months of back and forth, the exhaustion was beginning to wear off. “Let’s see what that says.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, slowly climbing to your feet. You took a deep breath in, the first in a while where you felt like nothing was weighing you down. You reached out to the counter and flipped the flimsy plastic stick around. You let your eyes settle on the window that would ultimately seal your fate, hand shaking as you raised it closer to your face. You studied it for what felt like an eternity, then eventually flashed it in her direction. She did the same, looking between you and the test, waiting for you to speak it aloud. You turned it towards your face once more, just to be certain that you read it right. You let out a long exhale, closing your eyes as you spoke it aloud. “It’s negative.”

“It is.” She agreed.

“So all of the panic was for nothing?” You chuckled, tossing the test back on the counter. It clattered against the surface, sending a pathetic thud through the air.

“Not for nothing, y/n. I’d say it was well worth our time.” You looked at yourself in the mirror, carefully inspecting your reflection. The woman who was staring back at you was changed, far from the one who used to look at you. This one was tired, but she was strong, and she was not different in the bad ways that you predicted she would be. She was capable and brave, facing up to challenges she never thought she could handle. She was tending to old wounds, ones that had not healed even years after the damage was done. She knew how to love, and she knew how to care, and she knew how to open herself up to a world that she previously would have shunned. “Now you know.”

“Now I know.” You looked over at her, smiling despite the lingering ache in your heart. You knew that Sam was what your heart wanted, and you had no intentions of doubling back on your word, but it did not mean that you were excited to break the news to Jake. Living without him was a thought that sickened you, but leading him on even further was even worse. You had done enough damage, and now it was time to pick up the pieces of what you had shattered during your journey of learning to love. “Tomorrow, though, because we have a show to put on.”

“The show must go on.” She raised her hands in surrender as a laugh fell from her lips. “The world is in your hands, Gold Dust Woman. You do whatever you think is best.”

She was correct in saying that you held the world in your hands, but you wished that you could put it down. Your arms were tired and your mind, too. You had been holding the weight for what seemed like forever, and you were scared that you could not put it down gently. When it fell, you took the risk of losing the small sense of relief you had finally granted yourself. Finally finding the answer was cathartic, yet you were still so afraid of relying on your own judgment. In the past, it had never led you to pleasant conclusions, and everything you had ever let go was left behind with claw marks in it. You were afraid that the damage created was already much to extensive to repair, but the show must go on, and if you were truly the Gold Dust Woman everyone said you were, you could always find the courage to take the stage and make it your own.

Please tell me, is it over now?

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