#izuku angst
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BNHA Men when You Have A Near Death Experience During a Mission
Pairing: Izuku Midoriya, Bakugo Katsuki, Shoto Todoroki, Eijiro Kirishima x Reader
Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, nightmares, cuddles, sneaking around, literal sleeping together, life affirming kisses, crying
A/N: Time for some angst! Hope you're ready to get punched in the feels.
Izuku never wanted to see you like that, on the ground and bleeding, broken. You can feel his tears falling onto your face, you can hear his cries, telling you to hold on that you'll be okay, you'll get fixed up in no time just hold on. In the following days he can't let go of the sight, his mind won't let him forget seeing you like in that state. When you get out of the hospital you notice that he's more quiet then usual, still sticking close to you but unsure what to say to you. If he was stronger then maybe you he could have watched your back better. So... will you train with him? Like a date. It's odd to count that as a date but he was always a weird boyfriend, in an adorable way.
"It might be sudden, you just got out of the hospital but I really want to get stronger. I haven't been sleeping well since then, every time I close my eyes the nightmares come rushing in. I want to get stronger, be able to stand by your side. Then, do we have a date?"
Bakugo is the guy who will blame himself for you getting hurt but he will do it in the angriest way possible and actually make it seem like he's blaming everyone else. Needs to carry you to the hospital on his own, even if he himself is badly injured. If anyone so much as tries to touch you he will get aggressively protective, holding you closer to his chest in retaliation. The moment you open your eyes his mouth is on yours, his hands cupping your injured cheeks with the gentleness most doubt he could possess. He can't stay for long but for the time he can he doesn't want his hands to not be on you, he needs to know that you're okay.
"Fucking messed up back there. Don't give me that, you know I did! You could have died you idiot! Look... I'm not the best guy but you... you bring out a better side of me, I don't want to lose you. I can be sappy when I wanna. Keep your mouth shut about it or I'll shut it with mine."
Shoto never wants to know what it feels like to lose a person he loves. There have already been so many close calls in his life, and now it's happening again. You keep telling him you'll be fine but how can you say that when you're loosing so much blood. The hall outside of your room in the hospital is in a constant flux of too hot and too cold because his emotions are all over the damn place right now. Seeing you awake calmed him down a little but it's not until he feels your hand in his pulling him next to you and letting him listen to your heartbeat that he truly calms down. It's a little cramped in the hospital bed but if you don't mind it then he'll stay like this.
"How could it have been worse? You almost died there. I never want to think about a worst outcome. I want to stay by your side forever, I want to go to sleep and wake up while listening to your heartbeat just like I am now. In a bigger bed of course."
Eijiro had never been so angry in his life. At those who almost killed you yes but also at himself. He's your boyfriend, he should have payed more attention to what was going on around the two of you. Now you're bedridden in a hospital, unable to move without it causing pain. You'll heal but what happened will always haunt his mind. Because visiting hours have their limits he thinks it wouldn't be a problem to sneak in through the window, bring you flowers and snacks to make you feel better. You spend many hours talking, kissing, even long periods of silence. He eventually falls asleep in his chair and in the morning has to run right as he hears the door handle turn.
"Brought you flowers and your favorite snacks. I don't want you eating yucky hospital food. Are you doing better? Did you... see me when you... sorry, I don't like being that way, but when I saw you like that I lost it. I will smash through anything and anyone to keep you safe."
#mha x reader#mha headcanons#mha imagines#mha angst#izuku midoria x reader#bakugo katsuki x reader#shoto todoroki x reader#kirishima eijiro x reader#bnha x reader#bnha angst#bnha imagines#bnha headcanons#bnha hcs#boku no hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia imagine#boku no hero academia headcanon#boku no hero academia angst#izuku angst#bakugo angst#shoto angst#kirishima angst#x reader
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★ GETTING INTO AN ARGUMENT WITH MHA CHARACTERS (PT. 1)
characters: midoriya, bakugo, todoroki
genre: angst !!
notes: two parter !! just a note that my request box is still open !! love u all <3
izuku midoriya
- he always tries his hardest to avoid arguments at any cost, but of course, it’s only natural for them to happen within relationships.
- you always looked out for him like he looked out for you, but for some reason he would never listen as he was so determined to living up to people’s ideals.
- so when you saw him randomly phasing out during the middle of a group conversation with the rest of your class, you tapped his hand, causing him to shake out of his trance. you signed for him to follow you as you got up and walked over to a more private area of the dorms.
“is there something wrong?”, he asked. looking at his features, you could see dark circles coming in. sighing you took his hand into yours, holding it before looking at him. “izuku you know how much i love you, and how much i look out for you and everything. i just- do you think you can maybe tone it down with all the training…?”, you hesitantly asked, head hanging low. you could hear izuku sigh as he rubbed a hand over his face. “y/n, you know i cant”, he started, but you cut him off before he could go on his usual rant. “i just don’t get why. i mean, you’re doing all of this but you’re literally draining yourself while doing it which means you aren’t giving it your best”, you tried to reason, looking back at him. he scoffed underneath his breath at your words. “are you implying that i’m not putting in enough effort or something?”, he asked, his tone starting to become a bit defensive. your eyes narrowed at his words, shaking your head in denial and confusion. “no, that’s not- why are you twisting my words right now? i’m just trying to look out for you-“, “you aren’t my mom, y/n! just give it a rest! i know my own limits, i know when to stop. i’m here to become a hero if you somehow forgot, so just quit getting on me about rest and things like that, okay?!”, he quickly interrupted you. his words left your throat dry, your head lowering to the ground as you subtly nodded your head, sucking on your bottom lip. he quickly took notice at your body language and realized the harshness of his words. “baby, wait- that’s not how i wanted that to come out. i just-“, he started, but you cut him off, shaking your head. “no. i get it. it’s fine. forget i said anything”, you quietly responded, your voice somewhat cracking as you walked away, his hand just missing your wrist as he watched you walk off. he cursed at himself underneath his breath, shame taking over.
katsuki bakugo
- it wasn’t uncommon to get in arguments with katsuki considering how stubborn both of you were, but none of them were ever really serious.
- something everyone knows about him is that his number one goal was to become the number one hero, and he never let himself get distracted from that.
- turns out, he was serious about not getting distracted, because due to him training, he somehow managed to forget your one year anniversary all day.
- that’s why when he knocked on your dorm room door and didn’t hear anything back, he was a bit confused.
“y/n, it’s me. open up”, he muttered, knocking on your door again. silence. just when he was about to knock again, the door slightly cracked open. “what the hell are you doing?”, he asked, confused at your behavior. “you cant be fucking serious katsuki”, you scoffed. you pulled him into your room before slamming the door shut behind you, turning to look at him. “what are you so upset about?”, he asked, slightly annoyed at your big mood change. “you really forgot our one year anniversary…?”, you asked, your voice somewhat cracking as you leaned back against the door. his eyes widened. he forgot your anniversary. he got too caught up in his training and hero-related activities that it completely slipped his mind, but once again, his pride and stubbornness was too strong to let him apologize so easily. “is it really that big of a deal?”, he muttered, cocking his head to the side. your eyes widened at his words, anger rushing through your veins. “ok, i get you don’t like to admit when you’re wrong and shit, but can you at LEAST apologize for forgetting?!”, you slightly raised your voice, moving closer towards him. he scoffed under his breath, anger quickly taking over him as well. “it’s just a year, what the hell is so special about that?! it’s not my fault you wanna make everything such a big damn deal”, he fought back. your heart dropped at his words. was this really how he saw your whole relationship? “wow. nice to know how much this means to you katsuki”, you muttered. he cursed under his breath as he watched you start to fall into a sad state. “talk to me when you calm down”, you told him quietly, leaving him alone in your own room as you just wanted to be away from him at the moment. once the door shut he groaned, rubbing his hands across his face as he cursed at himself for being so reckless with his words.
shoto todoroki
- it obviously took him a while to become so comfortable and open around you considering his past, but he managed to do it all for you
- although he was a lot better at being open with you and actually talking things out than he was before, he still struggled every now and then with it.
- and it just so happened that this was one of those days, but it was worse than usual.
- shoto had told you he was going to his house for the day and you knew that usually he’d end up returning in not as good as a mood as before, but when he came back today, he seemed really pissed.
“sho? is everything okay?”, you asked, confused and concerned as to why he came back with such an agitated expression on his face. “fine”, he muttered quickly under his breath, kicking his shoes off as he placed them neatly in a cubby. “clearly not… something happened when you went to visit, right?”, you questioned. it wasn’t uncommon for him to be annoyed in some sort when returning from his residence, but he was never this annoyed. “i told you it’s fine”, he grumbled again. you sighed as you followed close behind him as he took the elevator up to his dorm, where you both usually hung out in together. the elevator ride up was awkwardly silent, you could hear a pin drop even. once the elevator stopped, you both walked out, you following behind him. the silence continued to linger for longer, to the point where it was pissing you off a bit. “shoto, seriously. cant you just talk to me a little bit? i’m not asking you to give me every single detail, i just wanna know if your okay”, you explained, grabbing them hem of his sleeve to make him stop moving. you heard him let out a sharp exhale as he turned around, pulling his sleeve out of your hold. “do you have to be so persistent?! i told you i was fine already, stop shoving your nose in things that don’t concern you”, he snapped at you. you froze at his words, not even knowing how to respond. you quietly cleared your throat, exhaling before responding. “if that’s how you feel… i’ll go. see you”, you muttered, pursing your lips as you slightly nodded, tears glazing your eyes as you walked away, not even giving him the chance to speak. he tried to call after you, but you were already in the elevator, the door beginning to close. he balled his hands into a fist, hitting himself against the forehead as he groaned at his inconsiderate words. he let his anger out at the last person who deserved it and he knew he was in the wrong completely.
© mirkoluvs. please do not copy, modify, or repost on other platforms. thank you !!
#mha fanfiction#mha angst#bakugo katuski#bakugo x reader#mha#mha scenarios#mha x reader#deku x reader#mha imagines#deku angst#todoroki angst#todoroki x reader#izuku midoriya#izuku angst#bakugo angst#bakugo imagine#deku imagine#izuku imagine#todoroki imagine#mha todoroki
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Okay so I know cheating izuku isn’t canon so how would canon izuku deal with the death of his son?
Oh that's a hard one. But... its a beautifully sad one.
Cheating Dilf Izuku X Wifey Reader
Warning: Death of a child, coping with grief, depression, hurt to comfort
"It's been a while, Mr Midoriya."
"Yah, it has."
"So how have you been?"
Izuku sat in the couch opposite his agency's therapist. He sat in front of him. a notebook in his lap as he looked back at the green haired man. Izuku had his arms folded over his chest as he sat there, his large frame supported by the grey couch he sat on. He shrugged. "Fine."
"I've heard you've been very busy with work. How has that been for you?"
Izuku shrugged. "Busy. Crime never stops."
His therapist hummed. "How has life been since the trial?"
The trial... It was suffocating endeavour. He hated every second of it. Having to look as Jigsaw, who was alive and well, taken care on taxpayer money and locked behind bars alive, while his son was nothing but a pile of ashes now.
Izuku swallowed down hard but kept his face emotionless. "Fine."
"He got the death penalty. What do you think about it?"
"It's well deserved." Izuku answered without hesitation, his hands gripping his muscles tighter.
The therapist noted something done for a moment before looking back up at him with a gentle demeanour. "Your wife made an interesting statement during the trial. She said, 'Despite what you did to my son, I know he forgives you and he would want me to forgive you. Although I doubt I can ever find it in my heart to do so, I'll try...' What did you think about her statement?"
Izuku was silent as he remembered that day of the trial. You held yourself as gracefully as ever. Even when the forensic pathologist had said the report on how Shoyo and Sero Kimiko's (Hanta and Mina's youngest daughter) bodies were so badly damaged that he couldn't even identify certain body parts of what remained of them, about how there was quite literally nothing to hold or mourn over because they had to be cremated almost immediately. Even when Jigsaw had time to speak and vividly said how your son had cried out your name, begging for you in his last moments of life.
You were composed, other than a few stray tears and an emotionless voice.
"My wife is a better person than me." Izuku stated, remembering his own statement about how the only thing protecting Jigsaw's life was the fact that Izuku had his quirk cancelled for every trial date.
"Speaking of which, how is your Mrs Midoriya?"
For the first time since walking into the room, Izuku seemed to ease just slightly. His eyes fell down. How were you? In total honest, Izuku wasn't sure. When last had he even looked at you? Izuku didn't even take time off to mourn after the trial. He went straight into work.
When last had he seen you? This morning? What did you make for breakfast? What were you wearing?
"I..." He started, his voice unsure. "I think she's fine."
"You think?" His therapist asked softly. "You aren't sure, Mr Midoriya?"
Izuku looked down away from the man that sat across from him. He didn’t answer that question because he wasn’t sure how you were. At some point he wasn’t even sure you left the bed at all after the funeral, but then at some point he knew you were up and around.
“When last did you speak to your wife?”
“This morn-”
“Honestly speak to your wife?” That question had him frozen. “When last did you ask her how her day was, or how has she been coping?”
Izuku knew that his therapist knew that answer. You had been coming to see a therapist as well, a mandatory thing that the commission expected from the both of you but also one you bot probably needed direly. Izuku looked away as his eyebrows furrowed. “Not for a while.” He answered simply.
“Do you not care about her anymore?”
Green eyes flicked up to the psychologist that sat across from him. His eyes were dark and deadly, one that held brewing anger beneath the surface. “You know that’s not true.” Izuku answered back lowly.
“Do I?” His therapist asked with a shrug. The man looked down at the notebook he had, flipping through his pages. “In not one of our sessions have you willingly spoken about your wife or children and when asked, all you state is a simple ‘fine’. It leaves anyone thinking that you find work more important than your family right now.”
“I’m a busy man, I’m the number one hero, I don’t have time to-”
“To have a five-minute conversation with your wife and kids?”
Izuku froze for a second. He let out a scoff as he stood up. “I don’t have to listen to this.” He stated as he moved to exit out of the room.
“Mr Midoriya, when you first started seeing me, you told me that I should be harsh and frank with you.” That made the large hero paused. “You told me that if you were going to be sitting here for an hour at a time, I should make it worth your time. So here I am.” His therapist responded calmly as he crossed his legs leaning back in his chair. “You leave out of that door right now, I will have no choice but to inform the commission that you are unfit and unwell to continue your job as a hero and have you suspended of all hero work until I deem you fit enough to do so.” Izuku turned to look back at the man who sat rather unbothered. He smiled as he motioned for Izuku to sit back where he was before.
Izuku let out a sigh, knowing that he should stay. He walked to sit back down where he was, falling back with a sigh as he said nothing more to that.
His therapist smiled. “Thank you, Mr Midoriya. Often than not, the first step to getting better is knowing that you need help and then accepting it.” He reminded the green haired hero. “Now… how are the boys?”
Izuku didn’t answer immediately. When last did he talk to the boys? When last did he see the boys? The last vivid time he remembered his sons’ faces was at the funeral, everything after that felt like a blur. Were they already back at school? “They’re… fine.”
His therapist let out a hum as he noted down something in his notebook. “And how are you?”
“Me? I’m fine.”
His therapist looked at him through his lenses before letting out a sigh. He leaned forward. “Mr Midoriya, you entered the scene where your son had been brutally murdered.” He started off, getting to the cusp of it. “You have, unjusticely, been at the cusp of some media frenzy of them saying that you weren’t fast enough or good enough or still in your prime to have saved your son. You have been working like a dog, day and night and by the reports of your office hours, I doubt you even get more than three hours of sleep. You are out there breaking yourself in half, trying to atone for something that isn’t your fault and you are leaving your family behind. Your wife is currently at home with your children, trying to keep it all together while you are out there when you should be spending time with your family. Mr Midoriya, I’ll ask you one more time… how are you?”
The front door opened as Izuku entered his house. The first thing that caught his eye was the candle next to the photo of the smiling five year old boy who had hair too wild and free and a smile so bright and lovely. Inko had said that Shoyo was a direct copy and paste (minus a few of your genetics) of Izuku. Staring at him now was still painful and yet Izuku gave him a small smile.
He slipped off his shoes and entered the house. Just as he did so, he noticed that there wasn’t the sound of playing in the living room or the sound of boys giggling outside. It was mostly silent. It had been silent for a while now and Izuku wasn’t surprised.
Izuku hated the silence.
Walking out of the kitchen with a glass of orange juice was Toshinori, headphones blasting in his ears as he kept one hand in his grey sweats as he manoeuvred out of the kitchen. At the sight of his father, his eyes widened as he jumped, dropping his glass of juice. Before Izuku could react, suddenly dark green tendrils wrapped around the glass.
Izuku’s eyebrows furrowed, knowing he didn’t activate One for All yet. Being carried just a few inches off the ground was Toshinori’s cup of juice with blackwhip coming from his knuckles. Toshinori’s eyes moved to his father. He carefully bent down to pick up his cup before slipping off his headphones, pausing the music. “Afternoon, dad.” He greeted. “You’re back early.” He let out unsure, knowing that normally when- if, his father came home, it would be late at night when he was far too asleep to notice.
Izuku nodded. “I am.” His eyes moved down to blackwhip that slowly retracted itself into Toshinori’s knuckles. He tilted his head confused, pointing towards Toshinori’s left hand. “Since when could you use blackwhip?”
Toshinori looked down at his hand before looking back up at his father. “Since a week ago. Nearly dropped a wine bottle but luckily I caught it just in time.”
“Wine?”
“I cooked dinner.”
“Since when did you cook dinner?”
“Since mom wasn’t able to cook dinner.”
“Since when was mom unable to cook dinner?”
“Depends on the day. Some days are harder for her than others.” He shrugged. Izuku’s eyebrows furrowed at that, a pang of guilt seeping into his chest. Toshinori looked to the side for a moment before forcing a smile to his face as he headed towards the staircase. “I’ve got a paper to finish and I need to make sure Asahi is doing his homework-”
“Toshinori.” Izuku put a hand on his eldest son’s shoulder. Toshinori paused as he turned to look at his dad. Izuku was slow as he walked closer to Toshinori. He took Toshinori’s cup of juice, putting it on the side table. The teenager’s looked confused before his eyes widened as he was pulled into a hug against his will. He froze in his father’s embrace, eyes wide and his body stiff. “I’m sorry.” Izuku whispered. Slowly he felt his son ease into his hold, slumping against him. “You did good, but I’ve gotta tap you out now. You should rest.”
Toshinori didn’t say a word but he nodded his head, a shaky sigh leaving his throat as he buried his head in the crook of his father’s neck. His hands gripped onto Izuku’s back painfully hard but Izuku didn’t push him away.
After that Izuku went up to his and your room where Toshinori said you would be. Izuku entered the room, to find you sitting there with Koda. Koda had his head in your lap, fast asleep. You looked away from the show about a blue dog on the TV, and to your husband. Your eyes widened in surprise. You checked the time on your phone before looking back at him surprised. There were bags under your eyes and you looked drained. You all looked drained, besides Koda who seemed to be enjoying his nap with his little knitted blanket you made for him when he was a baby, over him.
Your eyebrows furrowed as you straightened up. “Izuku… you’re here.” You whispered to him.
“I am.” He affirmed. He looked down at his youngest son. The both of you had consciously pulled him out of kindergarten despite him only being there for a few short months. After Shoyo, the both of you had wordlessly expressed your fear of losing another little sprout. Izuku walked over to you, he picked up Koda effortlessly.
Your eyes widened as you weakly reached up to stop him. “It’s okay, I-”
Izuku shook his head, silently taking your youngest son to his own room. Izuku barely remembered the last time he held Koda like this. The little boy, although asleep like a log, moved to wrap his arms around Izuku’s neck comfortingly putting his head of green hair to rest on him. Izuku swallowed down a sob and fought a frown as he carefully laid Koda to bed, drawing the blinds and leaving him for an afternoon nap.
You were still seated where Izuku had left you when he came back. He closed the door behind him but stood there, keeping space between you and him. Neither of you said anything. This was the most time Izuku had spent in your presence in the past three months that wasn’t him asleep or just passing by.
“How was your day?” You let out quietly, scared of the usual answer he would give you. He would dismiss you without second thought. He didn’t answer, affirming that your question was once again given in vain.
“I…” You looked up at him. His eyes were down casted. “I saw the shrink.”
Your eyebrows twitched up in surprise that he was telling you something about his day that wasn’t just a simple ‘fine’. “And… how did it go?” You asked softly.
He didn’t answer immediately again. You saw your husband’s head drop for a moment. His hands balled into fists and you saw he was trembling. You saw tears fall down his cheeks as he seemed to be biting back a sob. You don’t know with what strength nor from where but you stood up and walked over to him. Right before you could even touch him, your husband crumbled on the floor.
“I’m sorry.” You heard weakly from him.
You went down on your knees joining him on the ground. “Izuku…”
“I failed you.” His voice cracked as he held his hands to his face, trembling in front of you. “I failed the boys, I failed Shoyo. If only I was there just two minutes earlier-”
“It’s not your fault.” You reminded him as you moved your hands onto him, touching him for the first time in months. “You couldn’t have known or have been any faster than you were. You didn’t fail me, or the boys or him.”
Izuku shook his head as he looked up at you with red eyes. “Y/N. I can’t… I…” He fought back a sob as he stopped for a second. “I’m tired. I’m so tired. And- and I’m so sorry I left you all alone.” You stilled at that. You looked away from him fighting your own tears as you tried your best to be the comforting good wife he needed you to be when you felt like anything but. “I’ve been a horrible husband. I haven’t been here for you.”
You scowled as you tried to fight the tears. “You haven’t.” You affirmed softly.
“I know you needed me.”
“I did.” You looked at him, with a mix of anger and disappointment but mostly sadness. You gasped as you let the tears fall. “And you weren’t here.”
He shook his head with a sad smile. “I wasn’t.” You didn’t look at him as you looked down at your lap. “But…” You felt one of his hands move you to look up at him. “I’m here now.”
There was a knock at the door. “Mom I-” Entering the room was Toshinori who paused. Lying there in bed, with his arms around you was Izuku. The both of you were dead asleep, bags under your eyes and faces puffy but you were both asleep. Together.
Toshinori eased. He gave a small smile as he decided he’ll let the both of you sleep.
-Glitch1d
#izuku midoriya x reader#izuku x reader#mha x y/n#bnha#deku x reader#dilf midoriya#dilf deku#dilf izuku midoriya#dilf izuku x reader#izuku angst#midoriya izuku angst#midoriya x reader#midoriya x you#mha#kirishima x reader#izuku x reader angst
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cw: gods au. fem!reader and izuku are both gods. violence and torture alluded to but not extensively described. angst.
War does not exist in the heavenly realm; at least it hasn’t existed for the last few thousands of years.
Your father, God of Heaven, God of All Things, really, will credit himself for the relative peace and harmony the celestial realm enjoys, but you know that this is a stasis that is enforced with a heavy hand. The immortals that live in this sprawling kingdom know what lines not to cross, what ties to hold dear, as no one wants to undergo the same destruction as befell the universe as they know it again.
You were too young to remember the bulk of the tragedy and what gods and goddesses were killed, only to become part of cosmic dust, and your father avoids all serious mentions of the matter, your mother reigning silently by his side. You are the only one of your father’s many children that is born of a true goddess as well, and for this reason, you have special privilege, and it is your only resort at this very point in time.
Your forever beating heart pounds as you glide your way through the skies, passing through the thick dense storm clouds that surround the portion of your realm that holds prisoners, and as you pass through the light of the sun barely reaches the ground. Storm winds and lightning crash at the heavenly soil incessantly, rain, then hail, then more thunder and lightning, to remind you that this land is intentionally barren and inhospitable. It matters little to you because the man you call home exists in this practically abandoned fortress, and you must see him.
The guards are surprised to see you, but are not bold enough to alert your father that you are here. This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last.
You hate them. You hate every single one of them, and you wish you had been granted just a fraction of your father’s power to harm every one of them that touched a hair on your love’s head, but there’s nothing you can do, so you move forward without so much of a word of acknowledgment and they part quickly, standing aside to let you through, knowing that as much as you trample upon the rules of your land, your heavenly father dotes on you regardless. They would much rather not be on the receiving end of his anger, lest they end up in the prison they guard themselves.
You march, head held up high, to the very last cell, in the back of the castle. There is a barrier that surrounds it with magic thick and potent enough to fry a limb to bits and turn it to dust, with a tiny break in the gold veneer to place a plate of food or a cup of water. It’s frigid, even for your body that is meant to be resistant to low and high temperatures, and it’s even darker than the rest of the castle and even the outside perimeter, but despite it all, you can still make out the soft features of your lover’s face.
He’s battered and bruised, wounds in different orientations than you last saw them. A right eye barely opens, but he recognizes you as soon as you come and kneel just millimeters away from the barrier, using the last of his strength to raise his head up high, the last of his ability to give you a warm, comforting smile.
“You came again.”
He can’t ask you to stop coming anymore so he’s decided to indulge himself into appreciating your visits. Any time he’s asked you to leave you’ve wept more, so now he smiles to limit your tears, to hopefully help assuage the pain in your chest.
“Izuku…” you whisper. Your hand wants to reach out to him, but you know, having once tried, losing the tip of an index finger in the process and having to wait weeks for it to regenerate, making sure your father could not see that you were harmed.
Tears well up in your eyes again, endlessly, as you watch him, poring over every inch of his battered body. He’s sitting in a heap, no longer dressed in brilliant robes like gods should always be, only covered in torn rags, aimed to cover his unmentionables and nothing else. For decency, the guards would tell you, but there is nothing decent about reducing a god to a prisoner, beating him repeatedly for months, then years, in preparation for his ultimate punishment - stripping of his immortality. In that way, he’d live out a meager human life, hoping for luck to be on his side for less than a hundred years, and suffering the toils of hunger, weakness, fragility, fear, fatigue and heartache.
The god of compassion with no compassion left for him.
“How I wish you would stop weeping for me,” he says, but his voice is still light despite the gravity of their content. He inches closer despite the weariness in his bones and the clang of the unnecessarily cruel golden chain on his neck sickens your stomach. Nothing is broken, for now, but his exhaustion is more than physical. Mentally tired despite his refusal to stop smiling, he makes his way close enough that his nose nearly grazes the barrier that could kill you both. You want to comfort him, to push away dirty, matted verdant curls from his forehead, and wipe dust and grime off of his beautiful face and kiss his swollen lips, but just like every other night for the past three years, you hold in your desire and pull back instead.
Hidden in a pocket within your gown is a satchel. You pour powder into a small patch of fabric, and before he can stop you, as he always does, pull out an enchanted knife, one that can actually cut through your skin, made of the same substance that stabs into his side repeatedly when he is being tortured, and slice right at the back of your forearm. Blood, silvery and thick, drips into the powder, as well as a couple loose tears running from your cheeks and you mix with your finger into a paste. He watches you as you inhale and exhale, then push it into the small hole meant for feeding, towards him.
You don’t tell him it’s for his wounds, but he knows. After all, his virtue is compassion but your blessing is life.
“Don’t injure yourself for me,” he insists.
You shake your head.
“I want you out of here,” you croak out. He sighs.
“I’ve sinned against heaven,” he reminds you for more than the hundredth time. If he could, he’d reach out and take your damp cheek in the curve of his palm. His eyes remain soft, the light in the green ever present despite the incessant torture.
“You did what you were born to do. Be compassionate.”
He lets air blow from his nose in an exhale and smiles. His legs cross and he holds his head a little higher, attempting to be strong for you, despite the fact that every part of his body aches.
“I interfered in another god’s sacrifice.”
Your father’s sacrifice. Not only is this an affront that is the most severe of your lands, he managed to upset the highest being of the realm.
“He’s wrong,” you insist. Izuku doesn’t say that he knows, he doesn’t have the same safety you enjoy. There’s another conversation you’ve had before that comes to your mind, the one from the very first time you stormed into this prison, demanding he explain himself, angry at the victim.
“Why did you do it? Why couldn’t you let it go this time? How many times do you-”
He interrupts your hysteria, voice cool and even.
“They prayed to me.”
You’re caught off guard, but the steadiness in his eyes make it clear that there’s no reasoning with him, the same way there’s no recourse.
“But what about me?”
You watch him swallow thickly, and he speaks assuredly, but this time his voice cracks, and you can feel the same twang in both of your chests.
“I know you understand me, my love.”
His execution is coming up soon, and you’ve been dreading this moment. You don’t know how to help him escape losing his immortality, but with your begging and pleading, his soul will not be destroyed. Perhaps as a human, you could find a way to live with him again, you could love him.
But he won’t remember these eons you’ve spent together. Will he still love you, head turned up to the sky, or will he pray to you for intercession like a regular mortal, not knowing that he knows you like the back of his own hand?
He asks you how your day was instead, to distract you, and while nothing you’ve done is worth hearing, he still insists you speak and forget that he’s spent every last hour in suffering, his only reprieve this moment with you.
You rush through this conversation - answered prayers, begged your father on his behalf, looked for loopholes in the celestial tomes, nothing. You don’t ask him how he spent his day, and he doesn’t tell you, because it will only make you angrier.
He asks you not to come witness his death.
He asks you not to come anymore at all.
“Izuku, I need to know the moment you leave this realm. To follow you.”
This is the part of this conversation that always manages to make him angry.
“You’re wasting your time,” he argues.
“Time is meaningless to us, and you know it.”
You hate that he sounds like the humans he wants so desperately to save. To this, his brow furrows, and you remember that time will soon mean something. He’ll be born to some mortal, he’ll grow, he’ll age, he’ll die, and you will not change.
“It will soon matter to me,” he says, finally. The tears well up again, and you bite your lip. Anger bubbles inside you yet again, just as fiery hot as it has every single day since he was sentenced.
You want to storm out, despite knowing you’ll be right back here tomorrow.
You rise to your feet.
“Why?” you ask again. “Why?”
Izuku looks up at you.
“She asked me for help.”
“Millions of people ask you for help every day. Why her? Why when you were warned so many times not to interfere in the Gods’ plans for humanity?” you ask, bitterly. “You could have ignored it, just this once.”
Izuku pauses for a moment, looking at the cold ground before him before deciding on whether or not. Your lip wobbles and your hands clench, and your eyes practically glow with unbridled emotion.
Finally he decides to speak.
“She cried out for mercy, and she looked just like you.”
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Thinking about how Izuku would subconsciously abandon you for hero work, constantly being late to dates or even canceling. You would understand, of course, being a pro hero yourself. But you would wish that he would make time for you just like you make time for him
I just… need an angst to fluff fanfic about this 😭
- empty heart
izuku midoriya x reader | angst, hurt/comfort.
a/n: it’s not specified that reader is a pro hero so they’re whatever you want them to be🤷🏽♀️ kind of ends in fluff…..
wc: 1.3k
you’ve lost count of the amount of times it has happened. lost count of the amount of times you were left sitting alone in that restaurant, waiting and waiting patiently only for him to never show up. lost count of the amount of times you needed him — needed him to be there for you — to show up, but he never did.
it happened so slowly, that you didn’t even notice it until it smacked you right in the face. or you were in denial, pretending that what was happening right in front of your face wasn’t really there. that maybe if you ignored it, it would eventually go away.
it didn’t.
it started with missed calls, unanswered texts that you didn’t think much of. he was late to a few dates, you shrugged it off and gave him a kiss. he didn’t show up for that one dinner with your parents, apologizing and saying that he totally forgot, but he’ll be there next time — you said it’s okay. and that was it.
you can’t help but think that maybe it was because you always let him off so easily that it ended up like this. maybe the both of you are as much to blame for the demise of your relationship. maybe you should have pushed harder. maybe he should have prioritized better. maybe, maybe, maybe. maybe you could have done all of that and it still would have ended up this way.
maybe it wouldn’t have ended up like this, with you packing up your things in a tiny luggage that will have to do for now. with tears streaming down your face and your heart feeling like it got stomped on and torn into pieces.
you and izuku were so close. but he feels like a stranger now. too many nights of him getting home after not speaking or seeing him the entire day. you ignored it, pretended like you were sleeping as he slipped into the bed beside you, your back turned to him. he doesn’t wrap his arms around you anymore, doesn’t hold you. though you know he always knew that you were awake. maybe he liked to ignore it too. you both always hated confrontation.
there were no more i love you’s, no more i miss you’s. no more love. it was there, but it was empty. you guys don’t talk anymore, don’t laugh anymore. no more nights where you stay up discussing the most random things when you both could be sleeping, no more sad movies and holding izuku in your arms while he cries like a baby because a character died, no more him. no more us, you think.
you were getting drained — getting tired.
and again, you hated confrontation, so that’s why you’re packing your things up now, when you know he won’t be home to see you leaving him. so he can’t see you acting like a coward.
you pack your essentials, throw in some clothes that can last you at least a few days, and pack away your heart with it.
and then you’re heading for the door, furiously wiping at your face to the point it hurts — but the handle is turning and it opens before you can get to it. and in comes the love of your life — the stranger you’re now living with.
your heart squeezes at the sight of him, and you take in what you can. his mess of curly green hair — dark and kind eyes to match, the freckles that are scattered everywhere on his face, the freckles you love to count but never get to the end of, as if they’re endless. you trace the curve of his cheeks with your eyes, imagining his lovable smile that melts your heart, his dimples popping out. his lips, that you loved to steal kisses from, as much as you could get.
izuku breathes out your name as he steps inside, closing the door and doubling back at the sight that greets him. his eyes widen, going to your face — the tears that you’re sure are streaming down, and then trailing below to the bag you’re clutching in your hand.
he stumbles forward, mouth opening and closing like he doesn’t know what to say — what to do. and you stand there, hardening your face to not give away any emotions, though you’re sure your tears gives it all. you’ve always done that, worn your heart on your sleeve but tried to hide it as much as you could.
vulnerability — never an option.
“what…” his throat bobs. “what are you doing?”
you almost want to laugh, if not for the hurt he’s showing. “what does it look like?”
“i- what?” a plethora of emotions flash across his face. he’s shaking his head, dropping his duffel bag on the ground — he’s freshly showered, hair slightly damp on his forehead. he must have showered at his agency.
you rub your thumb back and forth against the rough handle of your bag. “i thought you’re supposed to be on patrol?”
he eyes your hand where it holds onto the luggage. “got off early. kachaan… he’s covering for me.”
“oh…” silence. you stare at each other for what seems like forever, your feet rooted in place.
it’s when you move your hand to wipe at your face that izuku breaks the silence, saying your name. he takes a step forward, faltering when you back away in response. he frowns, “why do you have your bag packed?”
you don’t answer his question. “what are we doing, izuku?”
“what- i… what do you mean?”
you want to scream. you want to break down and cry while he holds you in his scarred arms. “what are we doing!” your voice cracks, but you don’t even feel embarrassed as you feel another wave of fresh tears.
he knows what you mean. his own eyes are glassy, you note. “i don’t know. i don’t know.” his fists clench at his sides.
this time you do laugh. “exactly. you don’t know.” your heart breaks even more. “i think.” you pause, taking in his expression. “i think i have to go.”
“no you don’t.” his hand reaches for you — to hold you, but he must rethink his decision because he stops midair, letting his hand swing back as he gulps. “you don’t…” his voice is a whisper, quiet.
you nod your head, firm. “i do.”
but then he moves forward again, unstopping until he’s right in front of you, and then suddenly you’re engulfed by him, your senses overtaken. he hugs you, hard. squeezes you and that’s when you feel his sharp intake of air, and then his body is shaking as he holds you.
and it’s funny, you think, that this is what it took for him to hug you like this again. hold you like he doesn’t ever want to let go.
“please.” you can feel his heart breaking along with yours as he breathes into the top of your head, as he holds you tighter.
you start sobbing again, gasping for air as you fist his shirt in your hands, burrowing into him.
“we can fix this.” izuku repeats it over and over again, as if he’s trying to convince himself as well. pulling away, he looks you in the eyes — letting you see the emotions swarming around in his. “we can.”
you look at him — really look at him like you haven’t in months. you look at the tears that are now falling down his face too, using the back of your hand to wipe them off and somehow mustering a tiny smile when he closes his eyes and shudders at your touch.
you think about all the times he’s left you hanging, all the times you needed him and he just wasn’t there. but then you think about the times he was there, standing right by you and holding you up when you couldn’t stand anymore.
you think, that if it’s for him, you can try harder. let him have your heart again.
“we can.”
#izuku x reader#deku x reader#mha x reader#bnha x reader#deku angst#izuku angst#midoriya x reader#izuku midoriya x reader#mha angst#bnha angst
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like izuku, you have your own nightmares.
it’s the thing no one talks about—you aren’t in the middle of battle with him, but you’ve watched him get knocked down enough times on the nightly news that you’ve taken the batteries out of the remote and refuse to let him buy more.
you’ve never told him about what happens behind your eyes when they close. and luckily, he’s been gone when it’s woken you up in a cold sweat. you want to spare him this—the knowledge of what it’s doing to you. except tonight you are not so lucky.
your subconscious shows you the same scenes in snippets—a reel of sickeningly close calls—except here in the dream, they are not. over and over you watch the love of your life die, alone and in vain. dissolved, skewered, burned alive by countless quirks, right in front of your eyes.
you’re there and then you’re not, torn from the nightmare by familiar hands. warm palms, thrumming with the rush of blood and an elevated pulse. the sheets are too hot and wrapped around your limbs like a vice. terrified and disoriented, you fight back.
“sweetheart—” the croak comes from the outline of him, green curls made wiry by his pillow. they sway with each of your sporadic defenses that he dodges. “hey, i’m right here—”
and he is, towering over you now. shielding you instinctively from a danger his brain tells him is at his back. he’s vulnerable—you both are. the knowledge of it stops you in your tracks.
“there you go,” he murmurs, leaning down to touch his forehead to yours and believing the wrong thing, “come back to me, baby.”
the touch melts the fear that had kept you frozen, if only slightly. you reach up to him, smoothing over every inch of skin and muscle you can get your hands on. he keeps you caged there beneath him and watches you search him for something he can’t help you find.
your palm stops over the beat of his heart and nothing in you trusts the kick against your own skin. you watched him die. you watched him—
“shh, my baby.”
the freckled face you saw go too pale is warbled and distorted in your watery view, but the thick limbs that settle over you helps some. he doesn’t go dead weight—just enough to keep you here. to remind you that he is here, too.
“i can’t watch you die.” again, you mean. but he couldn’t know that.
“i’m right here,” he reminds you, pressing gentle kisses to your temple and promising nothing. he is not so cruel, even when you need him to be. “i’m right here.”
it’s too much and it won’t ever be enough—in the dark you lose the grasp you had on your strength, and you cry. you bury your face in his neck and sob until you wring yourself out dry. he’s a pillar above you, whispering his love between words that placate into your hair. only you know now how little it would take to knock him down.
“—zuku,” you can barely get it out under the weight of the burden, “i’m afraid.”
“i know, sweetheart.” he sounds far away. the fingers that brush through your hair are disembodied. “i am too.”
#i’m not sure where this came from#but uh. goodnight sweet dreams#midoriya izuku x reader#izuku x reader#izuku drabble#midoriya drabble#izuku angst#midoriya hurt/comfort#mha angst#bea writes ♡#izuku it’s the little things
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not an expectation | izuku x reader
You stood at the far end of the common area with Ochaco, eyes dragging upon the envelope in your hands. Your head spun back and forth, glancing at Izuku, then the card, Izuku then the card, Izuku then the card. He sat at the couch located in the middle of the room, surrounded and kept in idle converse by Todoroki and Iida. On the contrary, pretty much everyone in the room swarmed in little groups, probably speaking of any love struck infatuations among them. It was Valentine's Day after all.
Ochaco noticed the anxiety emitting from you, all shown through your body movements; the poker face you strained to hold, the weight shifting of your feet, the twiddling with the envelope paper. She rubbed a gentle hand on your back in attempt to calm your nerves.
"Hey, I know you're nervous, but it'll be just fine, y/n! Just go for it! What's the worst he could do?" Ochaco smiled, clenching her fist and cheering you on while keeping a steady hand on your back. Still, your body tensed up. You couldn't move, as if some unnatural force was holding you back.
"...but I'm nervous." You sighed, a small frown beginning to form. Ochaco stepped in front of you and firmly grasped your shoulders. Her face showed nothing but determination, all for you to have that letter in his hands and, hopefully, your hand in his as well.
"C'mon, y/n. What could possibly go wrong?"
"..." You turn your head towards Izuku's direction, your gaze lingering on that beautiful smile he kept on his face, that until a heavy wave of doubt broke contact. "...a lot of things." Ochaco huffed and shook her head.
"Y/n, if you're going to keep having your feelings hidden from him, you're gonna regret it in the long run. Your feelings will have never been acknowledged, never have been thought about... You're overthinking the worst outcomes instead of having confidence. So, go ahead! Just go for it!" Your body hunched over in defeat. You sighed, taking a deep breath in and out.
"I guess you're right," you answered. She smiled in response. Her eyes flickered toward Izuku's direction and back to you, signaling you to strike the ball. After gathering your senses and pulling yourself together, you turned around and began walking towards Izuku. It seemed like he was looking for someone, judging by how he looked around the room. He stood up from the couch. He, too, was holding a card.
"Hi." You smiled. Your hand fidgeted with your other sleeve as you waited for his response.
"Oh!" He faced you and returned the smile. "Hey, y/n! I was just looking for you!" Your face twisted in confusion as your head turned in denial.
"You were?"
"Yeah so uhm..." He ran his hand through his hair nervously. You noticed his cheeks gaining a red tint of color. "...I wrote this letter..."
"You did..." You felt your tummy begin to erupt with the flutter of butterflies. Ugh. What a wonderful feeling it was to be in love. The world's colors just seemed so much brighter, feeling happy and as light as a feather. Like you could just get up and dance and-
"...and I was wondering if you could give it to Uraraka."
"..." Your mind went blank. The butterflies were no longer there, instead scattered into dry descent. Your heart was still for a moment. And then anger and sadness surged through you with so much power, you didn't know what to do. Why? You didn't even get to share your feelings and yet still, your heart was completely shattered by that mere question. Rejection would've been a more tolerable way to get over because hey, you told him the truth, didn't you? You told him everything and the reasons being about your little infatuation for him. But now, those immense feelings you held for him had to be kept in. After all the time you had spent with Izuku.
The back of your throat stung as you struggled to hide any feelings of sadness. You didn't know what to think anymore. All you could really do is accept it. Accept it. Accept it and make things even better for Izuku.
After all, his happiness above all mattered to you the most.
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Ochaco waiting for any positive signals., oblivious to the event. You put a smile on your face for Izuku and nodded. "Sure!" His face lit up, showing deep gratitude toward you
"Thank you so much, y/n!" He handed his card to you, like little the delivery girl you were. Before awaiting a response, he pointed out the envelope still gently clutched in your hand. "I see you've written a letter a letter too!"
You sighed. "I did," you replied numbly, lowering your gaze toward its neatly sealed edges.
"Who's it for?" He teased, wiggling his eyebrows. "I could deliver that one to...whoever it's for if you'd like!"
Deep breath in, deep breath out. Smile.
"...well actually...I didn't write it."
"Oh..?" He rested his hand together as he waited for you to complete your statement. Witnessing that pretty expression on his face after you spoke gave your heart its last spring of joy.
"Ochaco wrote it, and it's for you."
sometimes your loss is someone else's win.
support me? :)
#w.midizu#deku x reader#deku x y/n#izuku x reader#izuku midoriya#midoriya x reader#mha x reader#drabbles#izuku midoriya x reader#izuku angst#deku angst#izuku x reader angst#deku x reader angst
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My version of Villain Deku, from The Dead Cannot Cry: Dokuhebi: Taipan! (The Poisonous Snake: Taipan)
The Dead Cannot Cry is a Villain Deku fic with Dad for One, Villain Inko, and Big Brother Tomura. It's about the overthrow of the society created by two brothers, by two brothers.
Without notes:
No coloring:
#my hero academia#dadforone#fanfic#mha#tomura shiragaki#izuku midoriya#boku no hero academia#izuku angst#villain deku#shigaraki and midoriya#mha fanfiction#bnha deku#dfo theory#mha dfo#one for all#all for one#afomidoriya
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You Lash Out
There will be a part 2 hurt/comfort,
Notes: Angst
Izuku, Bakugo
warnings: yelling, arguing, threats of abandonment, lashing out
Izuku:
The pressure had become to much to ignore, stirring somewhere inside your ribcage as you finally had a moment's peace. A time to breathe away from the chattering going on in the other room. Things came to light in these small pockets of time, all the emotions swirling. there wasn't a place for it to escape, feeling numb as had become the norm.
"Darling, you in there?" the loud knocks resounded, making you jump. your hands still under the cool water, which had become a comfort when everything got too loud. "Dear, are you okay? Tsu said you were acting sorta weird?" Izuku's voice again interupted as you took a breath to ease you're nerves.
"I'm fine, just give me a second," you responded, but the knocking and calls didn't stop. Maybe it was the noise, the persistence, or the emotion that was already bubbling up to the surface like a venomous snake ready to attack, but the second you swung open the door, furious tears began to trickle down your cheeks.
the car ride home was far from silent, Izuku driving as he continued asking what was wrong and why didn't you talk to him. His protective nature was a double-edged sword, as he tried to help only making you step back. the anger continued to bubble taking over every thought as you made it into the driveway. you immediately walking towards the door as Izuku ran after you, calling your name.
His hand grasped onto your arm a few feet inside the hallway, as he spun you around. tears now streaming as your breathing began to get ragged, shaking your head.
"just tell me, Tell me why you're upset, I'll help you fix i-"
"Why can't you just shut up!!! I clearly don't want to talk about it, why can't you take one second to realize that you can't fix anything!" you screamed, his hold dropping as you both made eye contact, tears streaming down both of your faces now as you gasped for air, before running all the way to your bedroom, locking the door behind you.
Bakugo:
you stared at him, anger pouring out of the both of you. You were supposed to be the calm one, the one who acted as the aloe to his fire, soothing him and being a steady rock. yet it had turned to lava under his neglect. striving to the be a pro and hurting you in the process. At first it had simply been his anger at villains, but has he overshared on interviews and got noticed in public, your life easily became swept in on his drama.
"I don't need everyone in my life constantly hating you. can't you ever calm down and care about me for once?" you screamed back, not failing to notice the cracklings coming from his hands as they did whenever he was overwhelmed by emotions. his screams filled your ears, yet you didn't process the words anymore as your eyes blurred with tears.
"why don't I just leave!!" you screamed at the top of your lungs "You'd like that wouldn't you? if I just up and left you all alone to live out your place as the lone hero on top." You screamed, sobs brewing as your mind processed the acidic words that escaped, knowing they'd erode away at him later on, yet you couldn't stop.
"You know what, F-" Bakugo began yelling but you slammed your hands over your ears, drowning out his words. maybe it would be better if he didn't have you in his circle, in his life. Maybe it would be best if you moved out, off the grid. Images of the wonderful moments flooded your mind in objection. everything so loud and overwhelming.
You didn't even realize you were kneeling, sobbing into your hands under the noise stopped, looking up to find katsuki staring at you wide-eyed. Yet before he had the chance to check in with you, you ran. Locking the door behind you. Cause maybe if there was distance, maybe if you could take back your words, maybe if everything could be okay... sobs shaking you hard, alone against the door, Katsuki's forehead pressed against the other side.
#cloudpassingby#bnha x reader#bnha x reader angst#mha x reader#boku no hero acedamia#my hero acedamia#bakugo x reader#bakugou katsuki#bakugo katsuki x reader#katsuki#bakugo angst#x reader angst#izuku x reader#bnha izuku#midoriya izuku x reader#izuku angst#izuku mha#midoriya x reader#angst
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asinine
villian!izuku midoryia x reader
warning: kidnapping, obsession, kinda yandere
a/n: just a blurb, i'm having pretty bad writers block right now, f!reader
word count: 400
“Oh, sweet girl.” he murmured, dragging a knuckle down your jaw, toying with the cloth that gagged you, “foolish in your kindness, burning yourself to keep others warm.” He gripped your chin, forcing you to look into his eyes, shining like emeralds. “Your hubris is not even your own, it seems all you've done is live for your obsession, your love.”
He circled around the chair you were bound to, lightly dragging fingers over the skin of your neck, the pressure barely there. He grabbed the hair at where your skull and spine met, yanking your head backwards violently, and meeting your tearful gaze as he loomed over you.
“How asinine of you.” his words, laced with venom, with hatred unrivaled. “How utterly feebleminded you are to dedicate your life to something that is not even your own.” He released your stinging scalp.
“You should have picked me over him.” He rounded back to the front of you, squatting down so his face was level with yours.
“Don’t you know how evil he is? How selfish? How cruel?” He tutted and shook his head, almost in mirth. “Of course, you couldn’t have, you were blinded by the love you have for your little hero. He couldn’t protect you though, could he?”
Midoriya Izuku dug two fingers into your side, causing tears to spring in your eyes as you tried to flinch away, the bounds stopping you from escaping you, as he followed along, still pressing into what must be an ever-darkening bruise. It felt like fire, it felt like your organs were screaming, and tears streamed down your face as you watched him, never letting yourself break contact with his eyes. Formerly enchanting, warm and welcoming like a sun dappled forest has turned to rot, to sticky poison, to radiation and sickness, but they still held that clever gleam. With his other hand he reached up and lightly brushed away one of your tears, a grin splitting his freckled face.
“Oh, don’t cry my sweet girl, he couldn’t protect you.” He let up the pressure behind his bruising fingers, lifting his other hand to now hold your face between his two larger palms.
“But I will.”
#bnha x reader#mha x reader#boko no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha x reader angst#fanfic#bnha midoriya#izuku midoriya x reader#yandere izuku#izuku#izuku angst#izuku mydoria#izuku x reader#midoriya izuku#izuku x y/n#izuku x you#midoriya x y/n#villain deku#deku x reader#deku x you#deku x y/n#deku angst
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Evergreen – Can I get lost in your mind if I let you get lost inside mine?
part 1 ↣ part 2
izuku midoriya x reader
cw: aged up characters, pro-hero au, lots and lots of angst, some canon-typical violence and deaths, Izuku experiences triggers, panic attacks, and nightmares, Reader has a dream-altering quirk, adult language, Reader is referred to as she/her. i see a lot of myself in midoriya so i gave him the therapy that i need
14k words
Hi all! This is part 1 of my Izuku Midoriya fanfic, Evergreen. This has been so long in the making. I am posting this first chapter to see what people think! Please, like and reblog if you enjoyed! Izuku is a very interesting character study, and I hope I can make you feel something. xoxo, Jean
Something's different today.
Izuku could sense it when he woke before the shrill cry of his alarm rang out–the first one, not the second–and groaned as he rolled over to turn it off before it got the chance to sound. He somehow felt lighter, more awake than usual, with the customary deep aching in his body feeling less like a roar and more like the soft grumble of a stomach gone a couple of hours unfed. No nightmares, he realized. No painful flashes of memory, prophecies of horrors to come, bloodshed he couldn't prevent. In fact, he'd had a dream, a flashback to his days at UA that didn't involve terror or loss. He and his friends were gathered around a fireplace eating a pumpkin pie, courtesy of Sato. Dreaming like that was so uncommon, he had almost started to believe it was altogether impossible.
He sighed deeply at the thought, and couldn't help when the edges of his lips turned up into a sleepy grin when his large exhale didn't rattle in his chest like it usually would. In the soft glow of the dawn, Izuku felt almost peaceful, safe enough to be ignorant and ignorant enough to experience bliss. He rarely, if ever, got the opportunity to feel such a thing, opting instead to dwell—to improve, he would say. He had always believed that one can never stop trying to be better, but somewhere along the way, that sentiment shifted into "One can never stop." Deku, of all people, could never stop. So Izuku couldn't either, but he was trying to reprogram. He needed to slow down.
When he finally roused himself awake enough to sit up, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes before unceremoniously tossing the blanket from his body. His legs swung out over the edge of the bed and he rose to stand, more eager than usual to start his day. What usually felt like going through the motions somehow felt like ceremony, like a ritual for the betterment of the self. He found himself delighted at the smallest of things: the perfect amount of toothpaste on his toothbrush, the toast that didn't tear apart when he added butter, the song that came on shuffle as he began his morning workout. When was the last time the monotony of life felt like a gift instead of a curse? Izuku couldn't say.
It was a rare day off, which meant he would get a chance to run a few errands, maybe even watch that movie Mina had been pestering him about. He vaguely remembered something about it being "so good, holy shit." He chuckled at the memory, filing the idea away for later. First, he would have to run to the store for a couple things, some needs and some wants.
His therapist had expressed that he needed to be more in tune with his wants, even if he had to start small. He needed to unlearn the guilt and resist the urge to neglect his desires altogether if he ever hoped to get back to feeling whole again.
"Invite joy into your life," she'd advised, but Izuku still struggled with the idea of doing things for the sake of himself.
Even things he enjoyed had become twisted into things that felt like necessities: exercise, eating right, helping people. As a hero, those things were integral to his success, which was integral to the stability of the community he served. It was easier to keep putting water into an empty stomach; he didn't want to unpack all of the things that made it growl.
Izuku could however, at the very least, watch a movie his friend suggested, or maybe even try that new bakery people at the agency kept recommending. Ever the early riser, he liked places that opened for breakfast, and as much as he hated to admit it, he also had quite the sweet tooth.
Before heading out, he needed to shower, which was undoubtedly his favorite part of any day. It was grounding; it made him feel real. He could feel and remember how the water had cascaded over his head, down his back, across his fingertips. His eyes liked to trace the water down the drain, wondering how small he needed to shrink to follow it. He wondered what everything was for, needed to drown himself in reality, in reverence of memories. Count the shower tiles, count sheep, count blessings, even when it felt impossible. It often did. There was so much loss in the world. He'd seen it, felt it, been powerless to stop it. No wonder he couldn't dream properly, only remember and regret.
Izuku knew what his problem was, he'd talked extensively about it in therapy after his mom noticed that her son was fading away right in front of her eyes. He even tried to study it like he would any villain, but that was exactly it: he always wanted to rehabilitate. He settled himself among the outcasts, the villains, those who needed him the most because they got the least. He convinced himself they just needed to be sat with and shown love. Be it a villain or a slew of bad feelings, he needed to take them all in. He made himself responsible for them, and in return they devoured him. He needed to slow down.
Letting the warmth of the water rush over him, Izuku began to wash his body, hoping to scrub away any lingering sadness that had mixed with his sweat. Once finished, he retrieved his towel and patted himself dry, feeling better now that he was clean on the outside and centered within. He threw on the clothes he had laid out, a grey hoodie and some sweats, staring straight into the mirror as he steeled himself to face the public. He pulled a hat on over his still wet hair, hoping that hiding his signature green head of curls would be enough to keep people at bay.
It wasn't like he didn't appreciate the support he was given; in fact, it was quite the opposite. He just wished to move silently through his business like anyone else, eternally nervous about causing a commotion. Even after years of hero work, it was hard for him to come to terms with the fact that people genuinely wanted to know him. His therapist often had to remind him that it's partially because he had the pleasure of knowing himself as Izuku first, before Deku, before being any sort of figure at all. Not that he felt like Deku was someone else entirely, he just accepted that his hero persona was more aptly described as an amplification of himself, an exaggeration of all of his best parts. That side of him wouldn't function in any other context, and Izuku often found himself floundering when the lines blurred.
However, it was time to face the masses. He rolled his shoulders back a couple times in a last ditch effort to calm himself before grabbing a few reusable shopping bags from the shelf beside his door, turning the handle, and leaving the sanctity of his apartment. The fortress of solitude. Not quite the glimmering, crystal palace people might expect from a pro-hero, but he preferred that. Izuku liked his snug little hole in the wall apartment, with its peeling wallpaper, broken baseboards, and squeaky floors that helped him to feel safe. He couldn't remember the last time he wasn't on high alert, constantly on guard from an impending doom he couldn't place or name. He just knew that he preferred being tucked away in the heart of the city, contrary to the insistence of agency executives who would constantly try to tell him he'd be happier elsewhere, "That new penthouse on 6th Street, maybe."
And maybe he would; he's nothing if not adaptable, but high-rise life wasn't really his style. The last time some big wig handed him the keys to some fancy new apartment, he passed them right along to his secretary. Izuku figured she needed it much more than he did and unbeknownst to her, he'd been paying for it ever since. He didn't spend money on much besides necessities: food, rent, utilities. Dropping a couple thousand a month on someone who genuinely deserved it also felt like a necessity, or maybe just like the obvious choice. So he did.
Now, as he set out for the market, he made a mental note of what he needed. Hoping he could get in and out as quickly as possible, he mulled over his list while turning to lock his front door, subconsciously nodding as each item crossed his mind.
He jiggled the door handle to make sure it was locked, once and then twice, then startled at a sudden voice from beside him.
"Song in your head?"
Izuku turned quickly, coming face to face with you, his next door neighbor, who seemed to be leaving in a rush. At least, if the hurried locking of your door was anything to go by.
"Oh, no," he managed to mumble, "Just thinking."
He hadn't officially met you yet; you had only moved in about a month prior. The elderly woman who previously lived next to him had been moved into a care home by her family. She was a nice woman, but he could tell that her mental faculties had been wearing down for some time. Izuku was sad to see her go, as he had regularly helped her carry groceries from the parking lot up to her apartment, when he caught her. She was a compassionate lady, always thanking him with tea or a story about her cat, Larry. He wondered what would become of the old cat.
He'd hoped his new neighbor would be kind like the last tenant, or at the very least, considerate. He already appreciated that you seemed to live quietly, like him. Mostly, he was just surprised to see someone awake as early as he was, wondering what kind of business could've had you up so early in the morning. You had a pretty face, but he could see you looked tired. Maybe it was just a trick of the light, but it seemed like your eyes hid the same exhaustion he often saw in his own.
You hummed, offering a small smile as you spoke, "You're a full-body thinker."
He didn't really know what to say to that, so he just returned your grin with a tight-lipped smile of his own and a small nod. You wished him a good day and swiftly disappeared down the hallway, and he reciprocated before checking his lock one last time– for good measure.
As he left his apartment building, Izuku found himself over-analyzing the interaction he'd had with you. He wished he was a better conversationalist, but that was nothing new. You were right; he is definitely a full-body thinker, which unfortunately meant his time processing words, thoughts, and actions was often prolonged. It also took a lot out of him. No one would believe it by looking at him, but pro-hero Deku had actually become quite the introvert. However, Izuku wasn't sure if that was a natural reaction to his spending long periods of time alone, or just the fatigue and mellowing that came with age. He figured the slow processing thing was a symptom of all his hero work, a reset after constantly moving and thinking so quickly.
Regardless, you had taken the time to speak to him so early in the morning, despite being so obviously exhausted and in a hurry. Maybe you were just being polite, but in a way it felt nice to be noticed for something other than being a hero. It felt nice to have something noticed about him, about Izuku, that had nothing to do with his status. If he saw you again, he would try his best to return that same courtesy.
His walk to the supermarket was short, which was yet another thing he loved about where his home was situated. He felt like he was right in the middle of a community that was always bustling with life. Despite his reservations about being among them, it was well-known that Izuku had always taken an interest in the lives of the people around him. Not only was it his job to care for them, but an intrinsic part of him that had been present since his birth. He didn't know any different.
After his short journey, Izuku found himself meandering through the aisles of the market with a shopping cart, loading it up with as much as he could. He wasn't really sure when he would have the time or energy to make it back out for groceries. A lot of times, his sweet mother would bring him care packages with food and anything she thought he might need, but he enjoyed the act of shopping for himself when he could. He considered himself lucky to have such a doting mother, but always wanted her to know that he was fine on his own as well. He assumed he got his anxious nature from her, but he knew better than anyone that there is a lot to be anxious about in the world. Big bad wolves.
He ended up with quite the haul, fresh fruit and vegetables as well as various proteins and carbohydrates. He also made sure to grab some non-perishables that could stand the test of time, just in case. He even threw in their most expensive bottle of wine, thinking of no better way to invite joy into his life than a nice glass with dinner. His therapist would be proud.
Izuku finished up in the store and realized he would have to awkwardly pack mule everything he had bought back to his house, but once it was all situated inside the bags he had brought with him, it wasn't really a problem. Obviously, he received a few odd glances, but he wasn't sure if it was out of recognition or awe at the amount of stuff he was carrying at once. Maybe both. He walked a bit faster on his way back, not because the groceries were heavy, just because they were so unwieldy and hard to get a good grip on. He felt like the circulation to his fingers was being lessened by the second.
When he finally reached his door, he set everything down beside him while he unlocked it, planning to put everything away and then head right back out. That new bakery he wanted to try was only a ten or fifteen minute walk in the other direction, and he was eager to get going. In hindsight, he could have just gone there first, but he wanted to get the more tedious task out of the way first. He often found that made the interesting tasks easier to enjoy.
Once inside, he set about putting everything where it belonged, and soon enough, he had restocked his kitchen. He sent his mother a quick text to let her know he had managed to get to the store, snapping a picture of the wine he had purchased and promising to let her know how it was later. She responded almost immediately, like always, with a string of smiling emojis. He chuckled as he shoved his phone back into his pocket and grabbed his keys to set out once again. Moms and emojis.
The journey to the bakery was more of the same. Izuku enjoyed the chill, morning air as he walked past the few people who were out so early in the day. Hands in his pockets, head down, eyes up and wandering, he made his way down the sidewalk until coming upon the storefront he had been looking for. He'd already eaten breakfast, but he had been waiting all morning to get his hands on some sort of warm pastry. Hopefully something with pumpkin, since his sweet dream had basically left his mouth watering at the thought.
A small bell jingled from above as he swung open the door to the cozy shop. He immediately moved to rub his hands together in an attempt to warm them up as he fell in line behind the only other person in the store. In his haste to scan both the menu and the case of baked goods in front of him, he almost missed it. Well, he almost missed you.
There you stood, working at the register, and it suddenly made sense why you were up so early in the morning. He felt nervous, not wanting to repeat the awkwardness from before, but settled down once your eyes landed on him. You gave him a warm smile that could only be described as genuine, and seemed almost excited that he was there. Once the other customer stepped out of line, Izuku took his place to order.
"Hey, thinker," you quipped, causing him to chuckle softly, putting his hands up in mock defeat.
"Hello again," he said, "still no song in my head, but I've been dreaming about eating something with pumpkin."
You laughed sincerely at that, moving from your spot at the register to direct his attention to some of the options in the bakery case.
"You're in luck," you began. "Pumpkin is in season right now. We have some pumpkin scones, pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, and even some pumpkin croissants, courtesy of yours truly."
Izuku nodded along as you rattled off the options, meeting your eye in time for you to mutter, "Pumpkin doesn't sound like a real word anymore."
He laughed openly at that and ordered one of the pumpkin croissants, just to see what they were like. You complimented his selection as you carefully grabbed it from the case and placed it into a small paper bag.
"Alright," you said, "One pumpkin croissant will be $2.50,"–you opened the register before immediately slamming it shut again–"but for you it costs nothing."
He felt his brow furrow in confusion as you held the bag out expectantly, waiting for him to take it.
"T-that's kind, but won't be necessary," he sputtered. "I have $2.50 right here," Izuku added, removing the correct amount of money from his wallet and offering it to you.
"No can do; this one is on the house," you said with some finality. "Consider it a neighborly gift."
He swallowed thickly, but smiled, shoving the cash back into his wallet. Your fingers brushed his own as he accepted the bag with a small bow of thanks.
"At least tell me your name for when I return the favor somehow," he pleaded.
You grinned, smacking your head lightly as you said, "Oh, duh! I'm Y/N."
"Y/N," he replied, trying out the name. "It's nice to properly meet you. I'm–"
You cut him off, "I know." You then paled slightly as you continued with some embarrassment. "Not in a weird way! It's honestly a long story. I just want to do what I can for people who deserve it, I guess. God, I am rambling, but I really and truly don't expect anything from you."
He watched as you laughed nervously and awkwardly scratched the back of your neck. Once again, he'd been left at a loss for words, only managing a soft, "Oh," before processing all that you had said.
"Well, thank you," Izuku said finally. "I appreciate this."
You waved him off with a comical salute before turning your attention to welcoming a new customer into the store, once the soft dinging of the door bell signaled her entrance.
As he left the shop, Izuku felt lighter once again, moved by the kindness of a now not-so-stranger.
"Y/N," he mumbled, shaking his head slightly with a small smile. "Pumpkin..." he tried the word for himself, "yeah, no. Not real," he laughed.
Izuku ate as he walked, and tried not to let himself think too hard about what you had said. It was easy to gather how you'd known who he was, but for how long? When did you realize? He supposed he should just be grateful that you seemed sincere in your desire to simply do something nice; he'd met his fair share of stalkers, well-meaning but slightly unhinged fans, and straight up villains posing as devotees in order to get at him. If you were any sort of villain, you had to be the worst at it. All time worst, in fact, so he knew that wasn't the case. Stalker? Maybe, considering you knew where he lived, but in the month or so you had lived next-door you hadn't even made an attempt to introduce yourself. Once again, all time worst, if that was the case. He hated how conditioned he was to think about those things, but it came with the job.
Regardless, nothing about you made Izuku feel like he needed to be on his guard. If anything, he just wanted to be...better. Something about you made him want to be better. At the very least, he regretted not taking more time getting dressed in the morning, but you didn't seem like the type to care.
He hummed at the taste of the pastry you had made and basked in the thought that you might just be a person he should get to know. He wanted to prove all the good things he imagined about you, to search your being and find a friendly soul that was as pleasant as your face, or to discover aspects of your nature that were even better than what he could imagine. How long had it been since he met someone new, someone who had nothing to do with work? He convinced himself that a new friend would be good for him. It was either that or accepting that he was starved of a womanly presence in his life that wasn't his mother. Definitely a possibility.
Once he returned to the sanctity of his apartment, Izuku rid himself of his shoes and collapsed onto the couch. He let the quiet stillness of his living room overtake him, slowly willing himself to relax as the familiarity of his surroundings worked to cleanse his mind of any lasting, outside-world anxiety. He focused on what he could see: beige wall, black couch, white pillows, sage rug. Beige wall, black couch, white pillows, sage rug. Beige wall, black couch, white pillows...
Izuku breathed deeply and allowed himself to sink further into his couch, slipping his phone from his pocket to send a text to his mother about the new bakery. He decided against mentioning the nice cashier who gave him a free pastry, lest mommy dearest get any ideas, but encouraged her to go there herself.
"Pumpkin is in season right now," she messaged back, and he grinned, his mind instantly conjuring an image of you saying the same thing.
He replied with a pumpkin emoji that he knew would bring a smile to her face and delighted when she messaged back with her own string of emojis. Izuku really did love his mother, even when he could barely understand what she was trying to say through her odd combinations of tiny emoticons. When he bought her a new phone, that was the feature she was most excited about.
"They're cute! Now, I can type with little pictures instead of words," he recalled her saying, and the rest was history.
He slipped his phone back into his pocket and sighed, wondering where to even begin with the rest of his day. Funnily enough, once he decided, it seemed like it was over in a flash. One minute he's making lunch, and the next it's ten o'clock at night and he's sobbing over that damn movie Mina had suggested, two (heaping) glasses of wine deep and thinking that really was so good, holy shit. He should've known he wouldn't make it through without crying; there was a dog on the cover.
Nevertheless, Izuku gathered himself up, wiped his eyes a few more times, and washed his glass before tucking it snugly back into the cabinet. He wasn't necessarily tired, but he knew he needed sleep. It was back to work tomorrow, a new week full of new challenges. And opportunities, he tried to remind himself. Always opportunities.
He double checked that his door was locked before padding to the bathroom, washing his face and brushing his teeth. His eyes met his own as he gazed into his reflection, and he bit his lip as he tried not to worry about his nearing sleep. He didn't consider himself lucky–or perhaps deserving–enough to expect two restful nights in a row, but prayed to whatever or whoever that maybe he could swing it. One more night without nightmares. One more night full of dreams. Please.
Izuku opened his phone one last time before bed, sending a simple "wine was good" text to his mother despite knowing she was probably asleep already. He liked to let her know he was thinking of her. As his eyes closed, he let his mind wander back to the bakery. It was a trick he'd picked up from his therapist: focus on the good, focus on the senses. Give them space, give them a name. It helped him fall asleep, so he began. He could taste the saccharine fluff of the pastry. He could hear the jingling of the door bell, smell the sweetness in the air, and feel the brush of your fingers against his own. On the backs of his eyelids, he could almost make out your face...
——
You heard it before you saw it.
With your eyes closed and body long settled into your own slumber, your ears caught the soft but unmistakable jingle of the bell above the bakery's door. And suddenly, you were transported from your bedroom and back into the cozy shop where you worked. However, you didn't stir, only opened your eyes to your dreaming in this threshold consciousness to which you'd become accustomed, and you watched the scene unfold from a new perspective. Izuku Midoriya's perspective. You were in his dreams once again.
You looked down at your large hands–much larger than your own–as you pulled them from your hoodie and rubbed them together to create some heat. On them you saw scars healing at various stages, callouses, burns even, from work that wasn't your own. You felt chilled from being outside, shifting your weight from one foot to the other as you stared at a menu you knew you had memorized, but now you saw it with new eyes. And then, you saw yourself.
It was strange, but inside this body you inhabited you didn't sense any aversion. Izuku felt almost...giddy as the past you opened your mouth to speak to him. You felt for yourself exactly when his heart began to beat just a bit faster, heard his thinking as his mind analyzed and reanalyzed his every word. He was dreaming of you, replaying your meeting and wishing he had been different. It made you–the real you, let's call it your soul–sad to experience. Over and over, he replayed the memory, but slightly differently each time, and you could feel it: the loneliness, the yearning. And suddenly, you were dying of thirst in a desert wasteland, freezing to death in a place without heat, a flame being smothered, Izuku, crying in his apartment, alone. You were him, and you were alone. And it was unbearable.
You knew that his heart wasn't specifically calling to you, but damn if it wasn't calling out to somebody, anybody. So you answered. You did what you could. Instead of a desert, you showed him an oasis. You gave him fire where he once was freezing, and oxygen where his flame had been dying out. He was no longer crying alone, just alone. Alone but content was the best you could do for the night. You remembered how he joked that he'd been dreaming about pumpkin, and how you had known it wasn't really a joke because you had sent him that vision. He had dreamt about that moment because you didn't want him to see the alternative. But you saw it, heard the rattled gasps of last breaths, felt the tears that had streamed from Izuku's eyes. Everything.
Eventually, your face returned to his eyes without your doing, and the jingling of the bell at the bakery returned, only to grow louder and louder until it pierced reality and you woke with a start. You breathed heavily as you found yourself in your own body, your own apartment, listening to your own alarm.
"Izuku," you whispered, furrowing your brow as you prayed desperately that you had done enough to let him rest, to bring him some semblance of peace.
——
The next day saw Izuku pleasantly surprised; he had dreamt again, and he had dreamt of you. His cheeks heated slightly at the thought, but he reasoned that he had little to no control over his unconscious mind. That was abundantly clear. Thankfully, after his second night of relative peace in a row, he felt relieved and reenergized.
Work went relatively smooth like always. He never really dreaded the paperwork like some of the other heroes at his agency, and often found himself easily absorbed in the filings. In fact, he probably took on more work than was necessary, but he liked to make sure everything was accurate on his end. Keeping track of accounts from patrols, civil disturbances, arrests, and policies wasn't exactly glamorous, but they were part of the job. Although most pros simply paid people to do it for them, Izuku could never justify making his colleagues do work that he wouldn't do himself. If they were his findings, he knew them best anyway. Why bother with a middle man?
By the time he was done with his stacks, it was about time to prepare for his shift on patrol. He stood from his desk and stretched, rolling out his neck and pulling his arms over and behind his head. He cracked his fingers one by one, trying to rid them of writing cramps. He thought he remembered someone telling him that popping his fingers would give him early arthritis, but it was a habit that was far too ingrained in him to give up now. Besides, hadn't that been disproven? Izuku yawned, getting up and moving was just what he needed.
A soft knock at his office door pulled him from his thoughts.
"Come in," he rasped, realizing how little he'd spoken that day; his voice sounded dry.
The door opened slightly, and his secretary poked her head through the slot, "Sorry to disturb you, sir–" she refused to call him by his name, despite how many times he insisted it was okay– "You are wanted in Conference Room B."
He thanked her, and she nodded appreciatively before ducking out of the room. Izuku gathered his things in his arms and locked his desk.
"Conference," He wondered aloud. "Got it."
Surprise conferences were never a good thing. Usually, they were a way for Dynamight to announce or transfer cases that required assistance without expending the time or effort of going through the proper channels. Dynamight doesn't make appointments. However, such cases were rare, so for one to arise would be cause for concern.
When Izuku entered the conference room, his suspicions seemed to be correct, as there stood Dynamight at the head of the table. Beside him was Shouto, which caused a surge of even more anxiety to rush through him. What could be so bad that three agencies were necessary?
He cleared his throat to get their attention, and Shouto turned to greet him, "Ah, Deku. Thank you for taking the time."
"Well," Izuku began, and approached the man to shake his hand, "when you come to me, how could I refuse? Making it too easy on me."
Shouto smiled softly, "I do wish that was the case. Please, if both of you would sit."
Izuku sat immediately, intrigued by what could have called them all together. Dynamight huffed at the order but abided anyway, taking his seat beside him.
Shouto began to speak, "Again, Midoriya, my apologies about circumventing your regular appointment policies, but we have an ongoing case that seems too urgent to waste any time on formalities." He bowed apologetically before straightening to deliver the details.
"Yesterday, it came to my attention that a large network of criminals we have been keeping our eye on have begun to act in ways we didn't anticipate, and it seems that their reach extends far beyond where we thought they might be localized. I arranged to meet with you both specifically, because their activity now seems to be popping up in areas that are under your patrol," he explained, and Dynamight scoffed.
"You sayin' we're missing stuff?" he accused. "I don't know how you run the show over there, but we work hard as hell to monitor all the areas under our supervision," he bit, and Shouto nodded understandingly.
"I did not mean to cause offense, and I don't doubt the capability of your agencies," he clarified. "However, I wanted to bring this to your attention, because the activities of this network may have looked like stand-alone events, maybe even insignificant at first. We need your help to connect them. I would advise you to have your best case workers go over filings from the past couple of months to look for reports that meet the following criteria: armed robberies carried out by two people, threatening letters to news and television stations, and any attempted break-ins at power facilities. I will of course forward this information to pass on to your colleagues."
Izuku nodded, "Thank you for the heads up. What exactly do you think their end game might be? Those crimes seem unrelated."
Dynamight made a sound of agreement, so Shouto continued, "We can't be completely sure based on what we have now, but it seems they have been actively trying to accumulate wealth and power equipment. In our division, a company reported losing over one hundred solar panels. The threatening messages haven't been confirmed to be linked to this network, but always refer to themselves as a group and state that they are planning something that will 'solidify their rightful place in charge.'"
Dynamight stood, "Got it. This could have been an email. In fact, it will be an email. I will look for shit, pinky fuckin' promise," he barked.
"Let me finish," Shouto ordered, causing Dynamight to grumble as he returned to his seat. "This network sounds harmless, I understand, but the robberies in our area have been...particularly violent."
Izuku felt his eyes widen as Shouto elaborated, "They always send two people, in broad daylight, to lower populated areas with banks or businesses. They work quickly, too quickly for anyone to act. Someone is always hurt, or killed. We have had 3 fatal robberies that we can link to them in the past 2 months. They are dangerous, and this proves that they don't have any qualms about violence or murder. This means that they are capable and willing to do anything to accomplish their goals. They are expanding their reach, and growing in ranks. That, Dynamight, is why you should be worried. Expand your patrols, examine old reports, and try not to let the death toll rise any further, if you would be so kind."
"Christ," Dynamight said, "maybe lead with that next time."
Shouto nodded, "We are taking this very seriously. What we need from you is surveillance of the areas we can't cover, but we also wanted to offer you the warning that more violence is possible and very likely."
Izuku's features hardened in determination as he stood, "We will be on the lookout. I'll let you know if we find anything in our paperwork, but for now, I will personally see to it that our patrols are extended," he assured. Turning to Dynamight, he spoke again, "It may be a good idea to overlap."
Dynamight followed him in standing and agreed to push into each other's domains. He headed out quickly after, citing "Shit to do."
As Izuku showed Shouto to the exit, the hero turned to him and spoke graciously, "On behalf of myself and my colleagues, thank you. We truly appreciate the help."
Offering a smile, Izuku responded, "No thanks necessary. If you would fax over any reports that you've confirmed to be linked to this network, we will start comparing immediately."
Shouto nodded with a short, "Of course," before heading out of the agency.
For the duration of his patrol, Izuku had to hide the twinge of disappointment he felt that his shifts would now be extended. Obviously, he wanted to do everything in his power to protect the people in his city, but expanding patrol meant more hours and more distance. Longer days. He had to push the thought from his mind, trying to focus on the onslaught of tasks at hand.
A frantic woman at the park couldn't find her son, who Izuku almost immediately discovered hiding in the swirly slide. He helped not one, but two elderly women cross the street, and had to wipe the lipstick off his face after they expressed gratitude with deep magenta kisses to his freckled cheeks.
"What a handsome young man," one had said, for which he thanked her kindly.
"If I were a couple decades younger..." winked the other, and Izuku had to hide his embarrassment at her implication.
After that, he settled a dispute in a coffee shop that had arisen over the last blueberry muffin, and somehow, he ended up with the muffin. Once everything was handled there, he ate his newly received baked treat as he continued down the road. When he came to the lemonade stand of a small girl and her mother, he gave them a hefty tip and exaggerated the deliciousness of the drink as he sipped it before them. It was mostly just water, but he wanted to build the girl's confidence. She beamed up at him, excited to see a hero in real life. He parted from her and her mom with a couple of lines about hard work, and a compliment to the child's go-getting attitude.
The rest of patrol was more of the same. There were some small disturbances, animal rescue missions, and a few heartfelt moments with his younger crowd of fans. Izuku always liked to see them. They all looked so happy, and he longed for the days when his smile was full of that same spark, when unadulterated joy spread across his heart and face without remorse. He missed when excitement could bloom in his heart without a second thought, without guilt, without the sinking feeling like the other shoe was about to drop.
Shouto's case was at the forefront of his mind as he walked his route, and he tried to be extra vigilant. The hardest part of dealing with criminals on a daily basis is understanding the reality that they are people too. It's a burden to acknowledge that at times. It makes it harder to know what to look for, and it hurt his soul to realize just how often he had to make snap judgments about people he didn't even know. He knew it was for the safety of his city, but it meant that he was constantly on edge.
It was like he'd forgotten how to breathe normally. Breathing used to be so easy; he couldn't even remember when that changed, when he started filling his days too full to afford himself a breath. He had started to use up all the oxygen in any room for other things, anything other than himself, and his flame started to die because he stopped feeding it. It was like he was constantly wandering aimlessly through a desert wasteland, with his lips cracking and his throat cracking more. At other times, he felt like he was freezing to death, and no amount of responsibilities, achievements, or successes could help to warm the chill in his bones. Even his deepest breaths came out shaky; they tasted like sulfur.
He wondered if other people struggled to breathe the way he did. Maybe they tasted copper, their mouths filling with blood the way his filled with words. How many people are choking something down? How many flames have died out? He couldn't tell. Therein lies the problem: you never know what someone is experiencing. He could never know for sure when someone was on the verge of snapping or at the brink of having their desperation slip into something darker, more sinister. He could only react.
By the time Izuku had made his usual loop–widened a bit to account for the alarming conversation he'd had with Shouto–he was absolutely drained. He arrived back at the agency and changed from his uniform as quickly as he could, opting to shower at home instead of at work. His social battery was spent, and he just wanted to retreat into the comfort of solitude. As he packed up for the night, he noted the new piles of reports on his desk for him to go over first thing the next morning. If they were the ones relating to Shouto's case, he would need as much rest as possible in order to view them with fresh eyes.
The sun had already set when he finally returned to his apartment building, and he raced up the stairs to get to his door, only adding to the sweat accumulating on his body from his long day. He was surprised to find you there as well, unlocking your door just as he approached his.
"Long day?" You asked, looking him up and down.
Izuku was sure he couldn't look good, standing there drenched in sweat, in his disheveled suit. He hadn't even taken the time to readjust his tie, instead throwing it loosely over his head and letting it dangle around his neck. Great.
"Could ask the same to you," he retorted, and you smiled and nodded in surrender.
"Worked a double," you explained, "and sleep hasn't been coming to me as easily lately."
Ah, so that's why he could sense your exhaustion at times. You wore the tired well, at least. Much better than him, he couldn't help but think. You had some kind of glow about you that transcended the need for sleep. It felt contagious.
"You and me both," he joked, opening his door in time with you.
Izuku bid you a goodnight and watched as you slinked inside your apartment. As he entered his own, he made a silent wish that your night would go better, wondering if you would do the same for him.
Once inside, he made a beeline for the bathroom, ready to rinse off all evidence of the day's efforts. He started the shower, willing it to heat up quickly as he peeled his clothes from his skin and tossed them into the hamper. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and frowned as he got lost in thought. His hair was ruffled in his haste to disrobe, but keeping his hair in place was a struggle he'd long given up on.
Izuku moved closer to the mirror to examine his face, tilting his head back and forth to see if the bags under his eyes were really there. As he got closer in proximity to the glass, a puff of his breath fogged his reflection. He pulled back, trying out a smile. It wasn't right. It was...uncanny. Too tired to be real, it was a smile that didn't reach his eyes. He stood up straight as he took in his nude form, lifting his chest and broadening his shoulders, then immediately shrunk back down, letting his posture fall as it may. He felt small. No matter how big he grew, he just felt small.
"Where did I go?" he whispered, solemnly looking himself up and down until he could no longer bear to, then pulled back his shower curtain and hopped in.
It was hot by then, almost too hot as he scrubbed away all traces of his day. He liked his body wash; it smelled like a forest. Izuku made a mental note to go hiking again the next time he got the chance. It's one thing to walk around a big city, but spending time out in the wilderness was different. It was something he cherished, but didn't get to do often. Walking under trees doesn't feel as claustrophobic as walking under skyscrapers. Trees don't make you feel small the way skyscrapers do; even the biggest ones just make you wonder at their beauty rather than apologize for your lacking. Trees also smell a lot better.
Most of all, Izuku was tiring of the mechanical. He himself was starting to feel mechanical, like a do-good machine. Do good, and shrink. Disappear when you're not needed, but always arrive just in time when you are. Be perfect. Trees didn't need to be perfect. Why couldn't he be a tree instead?
He huffed a laugh at that, washing his hair as quickly as he could before turning off the shower and stepping out.
Izuku grabbed his towel from the rack, muttering, "Cold, cold, cold..." and patting himself dry as fast as he could. He realized he forgot to turn on the vent when he looked to his reflection and only saw the foggy residue of steam layered over the mirror. He took his hand and wiped it over the glass to create a space for his face to reflect, wondering if anything had changed. It hadn't. But he was still there; he hadn't shrunk any more.
When he finally got to bed, he tried to picture you again. Even after a long day of work, you had smelled vaguely of sweets. He supposed that was one perk of your job; he always left his smelling like butt. He snorted to himself, his eyes fluttering closed as he tried to slow his breathing. He felt the slow rising and falling of his chest as he laid on his back, imagining the growing and shrinking of his lungs inflating and returning to rest. Eventually, he fell asleep.
——
That night, you woke to a dream of Izuku breathing frantically. You felt your eyes widening, as they darted from place to place, realizing you were...nowhere. It was like a void...bright white nothingness. You could feel Izuku's fear like it was your own, because in that moment, it was.
You turned in a circle, eyes searching for anything. You realized he was looking for an explanation or a sign of some kind.
Then your lips parted, and you spoke with his voice, uttering a small and shaky, "Where did I go?"
Your breathing became even more erratic as you felt yourself take off running. There was no aim, no direction. How could there be? He was nowhere; he disappeared.
"I didn't want this," you felt yourself scream, and suddenly it was like the ground was pulled from beneath your feet.
You managed a tiny, shell-shocked gasp as you felt yourself start to fall. Above you, you saw his arms grabbing for anything to stop him from plummeting to whatever waited below. You couldn't bear to know what it would be, so you focused as hard as you could on saving Izuku from his nightmare.
Before his body could hit the ground, he slowed. He found himself delicately placed on a bed of grass. Above him was no longer nothingness, but the shade of a large tree, the sun barely peeking through its leaves. He laid there with his hand on his chest, feeling his own heart beat as he admired the beauty of his surroundings.
And then he heard your voice, a whisper on the wind, until you were suddenly beside him, "Long day?" You smiled, propped up on your elbow as you laid on your side next to him.
He rolled over to face you, "No...just right."
Through his eyes, you saw yourself smile and say, "I'm glad you're here."
And then you woke for real, bolting upright like you had really been falling. All of the anxiety that you had just experienced caught up with you all at once, and you hugged your knees to your chest as you cried.
——
Once again, you were the first thing on Izuku's mind as he woke. In fact, that would be the case for the next couple weeks, which he attributed to seeing you in person more and more.
He had been trying to frequent the bakery more often. At first, he could use his coworkers as an excuse, saying that he thought it might be nice to buy them breakfast. He would buy a couple dozen pastries to take to work, but eventually, people stopped taking them. Once you caught him coming home with an entire box full of leftovers, he could no longer use work as an excuse.
For a few days, he stopped by while he was on patrol, citing a need to secure the area. He made that up, but you didn't need to know that. After more and more days of beating around the bush–visits where you seemed genuinely happy to see him–he decided to drop the act. No more excuses. He had to accept that at the end of the day, he was there to see you. He just didn't have to say that out loud.
"I'm glad you're here..." he told you one day, blinking himself out of it after realizing what he had said, but you just laughed and continued to arrange cookies onto a tray. He liked your laugh a lot.
"Well, I work here..." you reminded him, and he chuckled nervously. "I'm glad you're here though too, I guess. I need your energy to rub off on me."
He laughed a long with you at that, "I've been sleeping better. You haven't?"
His smile faltered when you shook your head, "Bad dreams?" he guessed.
He noticed you go slightly stiff at his question, and hoped he hadn't brought up anything that would make you uncomfortable, but you quickly returned to your task.
You sighed, "You could say that."
"I used to get those a lot," he tried to sympathize. "I am actually surprised that I haven't been lately. Usually when I have a lot on my mind, that's the first way it affects me."
You looked up from the cookie display, brows knitting together as you made eye contact with him, "Do you?" you started, "Have a lot on your mind, I mean."
Izuku shifted on his feet, feeling awkward. He wasn't sure how much you actually wanted to know. He also didn't want to seem like someone who complains.
So he shrugged it off, "Kind of. A big case has been taking up a lot of space in my brain, lately."
You hummed, going back to your organizing as you spoke again, "Is it serious?" you asked, looking up at him again to wiggle your eyebrows.
He could tell you were trying to get rid of any tension, and he couldn't lie and say it wasn't working.
He smiled at that, "Nothing you gotta worry about."
You mumbled out a soft, "Well," as you set the newly filled cookie tray in its rightful place. "If it's worrying you, I worry."
He swallowed thickly at that, feeling it tugging at some long untouched emotion within him.
"You don't have to worry about me," he tried to assure you, but he sounded unconvincing even to himself. He cringed at the twinge of sadness in his voice, hoping you hadn't noticed.
You returned to your place in front of him, only a counter between the two of you as you spoke again, "I know I don't have to, but I'm going to."
Izuku felt his face warm at that, but even more-so, his heart. You were now fully engrossed in him as the two of you conversed, and he almost felt too seen. His lips turned down into a small frown at the thought of you fretting over him; he didn't want to burden you with his anxiety. Especially not after finding out you were dealing with your own bout of insomnia, which was a feeling and predicament he had become overwhelmingly familiar with.
"Well," he considered for a moment before decidedly informing you, "I won't let you."
You giggled at that, leaning over the counter as you gloated, "You can't stop me. It's already in motion."
He playfully rolled his eyes at you as you stuck your tongue out at him."You're a child," he teased.
"Hey, sometimes it feels good to be a child again," you argued. "Life moves too fast these days. I miss when the stakes weren't so high," you sighed, unaware of just how much your words rang true.
"Exactly!" He exclaimed, and you laughed at his enthusiasm as he sheepishly continued. "The stakes, I guess. I miss when they were small, like falling off a bike," he stammered, avoiding eye contact.
You stilled, mouth opening slightly before you decided against whatever you were going to say.
"Sorry," you shook your head, "I shouldn't complain to you. That's not right."
"No, it's okay," he tried to assure you. "We all just do the best we can, right?"
You nodded, thinking for a moment before saying, "And all we can do is all we can do."
Izuku pressed his lips together tightly before replying, unsure of how honest he could be in that moment, "I agree."
When he left, he felt like a liar. Sometimes all we can do isn't good enough. He knew that. It was a privilege not to know that, and he knew he couldn't fault you for your positive outlook, but he felt himself being launched right back into that spiteful place he had been trying to overcome. The feeling that had prodded at his brain until he landed in therapy.
That resentment was hard to uproot, and he knew he couldn't necessarily blame himself for it either. It was just difficult to come to terms with the fact that the very people he wanted to serve seemed to be worlds away from him in every regard. They would never understand; you wouldn't get it. He never wanted you to, though. He wanted to shield you from the truth that sometimes he fails, doesn't get to the scene in time, loses. The weight of knowing that was heavy, heavier than anything. It only added to the isolation he had sentenced himself to for so long.
Izuku wanted to be able to see things your way, but he couldn't. If he weren't a hero, someone else would have to be. He couldn't justify passing the load onto anyone else, so he would carry it until his knees buckled, adjust his stance, and then carry it again. And he'd do it forever, because he was good at it, even when it hurt. As unbearable as the responsibility often seemed, he found a strange comfort in knowing it was his. Nevertheless, the bitterness he'd worked through time and time again began to settle in his gut once more, a poison that his organs couldn't filter out. A sourness he felt too guilty to name. It weighed him down, made his brain feel too apparent in his head, his tongue heavy in his mouth, and his movements sluggish. He could feel the fabric of his costume on his skin, imagining it growing tighter and tighter until he couldn't breathe.
In this state, he walked back toward the agency while his head kept swimming. He was distracted, eyes down, brows knit in thought. He was too distracted. Distracted with the way his mouth felt dry, his hands felt shaky, his shoes suddenly felt too tight. The sun outside was too bright in his eyes, the normal city sounds around him felt loud, as if he could hear everyone's conversations despite wanting nothing but silence. Izuku was overwhelmed and overstimulated as he blinked harshly, trying to get a grip on himself.
He stopped in his tracks, pushed his palms to his eye sockets, and pressed hard in circular motions in an attempt to rub out the discomfort. He wished he could scratch his brain, anything to get the feeling to dull. Everything felt too tight, too loud, too fast.
"Grey street," he mumbled, eyes shut tight. "Yellow lines...fuck," he gasped for a breath, "green grass...over there..." he trailed off.
The smallness was creeping back in. The out of body, the fear, the disappearing. He needed to slow down. And that's when the first scream broke out.
His eyes shot open, hair standing on end as his head whirled towards the source. Izuku, feeling both completely out of his mind and wholly responsible, felt his feet moving on instinct. And he rushed in, scared and unsure like he had been that very first time. Before training, before a quirk, before anything, and he felt that same itch like he had no idea what he was getting himself into. The panic of not knowing if he would help, make it worse, or die. For the first time in a long while, he felt unprepared.
More screams pierced the air, and Izuku followed the sound until he made it to a small convenience store down the road. From there it was a blur. He saw a body laying behind one of the aisles, only the legs visible. He didn't know if they were alive.
He felt himself yelling for everyone to get out, shaking with fear and with rage. A rage he hadn't let himself have access to in years. A rage that served no purpose and did him no good.
He didn't see the gunman until he felt the whizzing of a bullet pass next to his shoulder, his head turning in time to see it land in the stomach of the man working the till. They locked eyes, and he felt his own widen in shock as the man stared back with confusion and fear, clutching his stomach. Tears of frustration, of guilt, and of hatred began to pool all at once as Izuku saw the man finally collapse behind the counter.
His body moved faster than his brain, tackling the perpetrator to the ground with such a force that he felt ribs cracking underneath his weight. He couldn't make himself care.
Baring his teeth, at once angry and bewildered, he roared, "Why would you do that?"
And Izuku felt the hate pulsing through his veins, vision going red when the shooter just smirked at him and said, "Because I could."
——
The next time you saw Izuku Midoriya was on the news. You were at work, wiping down the counter when your eyes landed on the little television in the corner of the shop, ears perking up once you heard his name. When you realized the circumstance, your eyes widened, a hand coming up to your mouth in shock and heartache. You watched as others in the bakery had the same reaction, all eyes locked on the screen.
There had been an attack not too far from where you were, and three people died, including the suspect. The police were currently searching for a second suspect, who was said to be seen conversing with the other just moments before the shooting started. He fled the scene, and by then Izuku had arrived too late, managing to evacuate most of the citizens in the area, but he was unable to stop the two civilian casualties. They were pronounced dead at the scene along with the shooter, which was a fact the reporter was a little too smug in stating.
There were few accounts of what happened, mainly coming from witness statements and one shaky video taken on a cell-phone that was deemed too graphic to share on live television. It began to circulate anyway. More and more, you saw Deku's name being dragged through the mud. Some people said he was too reckless, others said he should have done more. It was announced that he would take a temporary leave to process all that had happened, which only added fuel to the fire, resurrecting old rumors about the state of his mental health. So you worried. Of course you did.
When it finally came out that the attack had been a robbery gone wrong, connected to a series of activity from a growing crime network, you began to wonder if that was the case Izuku had been telling you about just moments before the incident. It made you worry even more, knowing he would blame himself, knowing the scene would replay in his mind at night like a horror film stuck on repeat. And then, guilty as it made you, you feared for yourself. As you walked home that evening you wondered: what would you see?
When you made it back to your apartment, you were surprised to see the hulking figure of Dynamight, hunched over and banging on Izuku's front door. You recognized him from the few television interviews you had seen, not that there were many to begin with.
"It's our fault too," you heard him arguing, "so you better not do this shit again."
You froze when he turned to find you staring, his gruff voice snarling at you to "Move along."
"Sorry," you stammered, "I live next door."
He just huffed as you slid past him, putting your key into your lock and twisting. Before you turned the knob, you steeled your nerves and quietly asked, "He's okay, right?"
Dynamight just looked you up and down with an unreadable expression, turning away from Izuku's door and leaving without giving you an answer. You just nodded to yourself, taking his non-answer as a bad sign.
At least he was home, you told yourself. He needed a break. Not just because of the incident, either. If his dreams were anything to go by, Izuku had been dealing with a lot of pain behind the scenes. It felt invasive to be doing what you did each night, but you couldn't justify letting him suffer. He did that enough every day; that was even more evident now. He didn't need the added trauma of reliving it all each night.
It started small. You told yourself you were only doing it because his dreams were too loud, keeping you awake. It was for your sake, not his, the small changes to his dreamscape. Changes that would keep him asleep longer, quiet the thundering terror and debilitating sadness that kept him from rest. It was because you had to if you wanted any rest for yourself. Until it wasn't.
You didn't know who he was at first, completely unaware that you were moving in next door to a hero when you took over the lease. You never saw him, assuming that whoever lived next to you just had a schedule that didn't align with your own. When you took a job at the new bakery down the road, you started to see him more, but didn't officially meet until you spoke to him that day–on a whim.
You weren't sure why you did it, but supposed you just wanted to put a face and name to all the dreams you had been seeing. You assumed he was some kind of first responder, maybe a hero, just based on the kinds of nightmares you had been privy to. Once you found out his actual identity, your thoughts started to linger on him more and more.
Every time you had seen Deku on the television, you thought he looked kind. Kind and humble. He looked like he didn't know how he ended up carrying such a burden, and would never admit that it was a burden in the first place. And people loved him. You had to admit, you weren't a hero fangirl by any means, usually too busy to keep up with them, but something about him made you want to keep up. You thought it was because his smile didn't reach his eyes, and you could guess why.
When you finally did meet, everything you thought about him was confirmed. He was kind and humble, but also more than that. The more dreams you were exposed to, the more you felt like you knew him. But it felt wrong. In fact, you knew it was wrong. You were invading his privacy, bearing witness to the worst his mind could possibly dredge up. But you couldn't stop. You wanted to see him smile for real. You wanted to see Izuku be okay.
So when you started to appear in his dreams without your doing, you were happy. You were happy to be noticed, happy you could be of help. And when he came around, you made it your mission to make him smile as much as you could. And that's what you would dream about. The way his eyes and nose would crinkle up when he laughed, the way he completely zoned out when he focused on something, and the way his eyes held more emotion than you thought any one person could hold. Even a second of eye contact with Izuku Midoriya was a gift; you could see entire worlds being built and torn apart within the greens of his irises. You could see adoration for life, for people, and while you were not presumptuous enough to think there would be any room for you, you prayed there was anyway.
But now, he was hurting. It radiated through the air in waves. The walls that separated you were thin; you could hear him flip mindlessly through TV channels, unable to settle on one. You heard when he turned on the shower, shutting your eyes tightly and trying to pretend you couldn't hear his agony mixing with the beating of the water. Trying to pretend you couldn't hear his sobs as they racked his ribcage.
And when he finally slept, you were faced with the unimaginable horror of his nightmares. You saw Izuku panicking, cursing himself. You saw people die. Worst of all, you saw him kill. You felt the rage for yourself, but worse than that was the guilt. And as you felt ribs cracking beneath you again and again, you heard the explosion of gunshots, Izuku's choked scream of disbelief, and the taunting echo of a voice whispering, "Because I could."
So you changed it. Over and over. Night after night. You changed it.
——
"You got shot?"
Izuku just nodded, head moving ever so slightly to glance at the bandage wrapped around his bicep.
"When I tackled him," he started. "Before..." he trailed off. "He got a shot off on me, I guess. I didn't realize until after. It's fine."
Izuku watched through his computer screen as his therapist shuffled in her seat. His mom had been refusing to talk to him until he visited his therapist, which he knew was probably for the best. Tough love. He couldn't force himself to leave his home though, so online session it was.
"Adrenaline, I'm sure..." she said, and he just shrugged, feeling apathetic.
Truth be told, he didn't really want to talk about it. He didn't want to talk at all. His days on leave were spent sleeping when possible, eating when he could. He just felt sick to his stomach.
"And I'm sure you know they didn't report on that fact. That you got hurt," she sighed.
He just shrugged again, "Never do. It doesn't matter what happens to me anyway. They're just gonna say I'm a waste of resources," he said bitterly.
"Well, you help to pay my bills, so I guess I'm not a fair judge of your uselessness," she joked, and he just gave her a playful glare. "But Izuku, I have to say, if you're not actively wanting to feel better right now, that's okay. Just tell me, because there are people who are. You can be bitter and mad if you want, and I wouldn't blame you, but as much as you hate to admit it sometimes, talking might help."
Izuku looked away from the screen, focusing on his hands as he fidgeted in his spot, knowing she was right.
"I talked to that girl a bit before it happened...my neighbor," he began, and his therapist looked on hopefully as if urging him to continue. "It helped until it didn't, I guess. I just forget that there are things people who aren't in the hero field will never be able to understand, or hear about. I freaked out after; I dwelled and felt like I was undoing all my progress," he explained, feeling tears of frustration building up again. He'd spent too long crying already, he wasn't sure how he had any tears left.
His therapist hummed before asking, "Sounds like a panic attack–probably triggered by some words or phrases that reminded you of the trauma and difficult thought processes you've dealt with in the past. It's been a while since you've last experienced something like this, hasn't it, and how do you know she won't understand?"
He stilled, eyebrows furrowing like it was the dumbest question ever, "I guess, but what do you mean? Of course she can't understand. She doesn't do this for a living. She wouldn't get the toll and the sacrifice and the anxiety," he asserted.
"Have you explained it to her?"
"I-" Izuku stammered, "well, I couldn't. That's not fair to her," he explained.
"Oh? Who decided that?" she urged, and he felt himself slowly starting to understand her point.
"I did," he sighed, putting his head in his hands.
"You did," she repeated, "and you did so because you're self sacrificing and anxious and understand the toll. But I'm also sure that you'd want her to tell you when something is on her mind."
"Of course," he affirmed.
"So you have to let it go both ways," his therapist elucidated. "Let her tell you if it's too much, and if you can't stand to hear about her struggles for a moment because they're hurting you or crossing your boundaries, you tell her that too. If she's your friend, and mature, she will understand."
"I just don't want to overwhelm her..." Izuku confessed quietly. "I don't want to be overwhelming."
"That's a valid fear, but one that will keep you lonely if you give it power for too long. Start small, when in doubt, just ask," his therapist encouraged. "Ask where she's at, if she's okay to listen to some potentially troubling things, if she has advice. Even if she doesn't understand the hero side of things, she knows what it is to be human."
Izuku knew she was right, and she hit the nail on the head. His problem was never that you didn't understand what it was to be a hero, rather that he had forgotten what it was like to allow himself to be human. Everything he had been feeling the past few days, and before that, were just human emotions. The anxiety, the perfectionism, the yearning; on some level, everyone could relate.
"So you're saying I should just go knock on her door and ask to talk?" he questioned, still unsure of where to start.
"Why not?" she shrugged. "The worst she will do is say no, or that she's busy. At the very least, it will get you out of your apartment for a few minutes."
And he couldn't argue with that. He exchanged a few more words with therapist before beginning to sign off.
"One more thing," she said quickly before he hung up, and Izuku nodded for her to continue. "Call your mother today, she keeps texting me."
With that, she hung up, and Izuku smiled, shaking his head. That was just like his mom to do, and he would definitely be chewing her out over it later. With love, of course. But first, he had to talk to you before he lost all of his courage. He was thankful he showered that morning.
Before he could think too long on it, he slammed his laptop closed, and quickly walked over his door. He threw it open more harshly than intended, then swung outside to face your door. He knocked loudly, leaving no room for himself to back out. He rocked back and forth on his feet with his hands on his pockets, trying to ignore how fast his heart was beating as he waited for you to come to your door. Honestly, he wasn't even sure if you would be home, but froze when he heard shuffling from inside your apartment.
Then, your door was opening, just a crack. And you peered outside at him, only a portion of your face visible through the slit you had made. Your eyes were red, under-eyes swollen like you had been crying. More than that, you looked like you hadn't slept in days.
When you realized who it was at the door, he watched your eyes widen slightly, and you opened it all the way.
He held his breath as you spoke, confusion and exhaustion evident in your voice, "Izuku? Are you okay?"
You sounded so quiet, voice so frail and faraway, like your mind was somewhere else completely. He watched as you yawned and gestured for him to come inside. He shut the door behind him, noting how you swayed on your feet, slightly unstable. He felt his hands itching at the ready, waiting to catch you if you were to fall.
"I'm fine. Are you?" he asked genuinely, voice thick with concern as you yawned once more.
You nodded, your head bobbing up and down on your neck like it weighed a ton, only serving to make you more unstable on your feet. You stumbled forward, and he caught you by your forearms. He supported your weight as your head fell onto his chest.
"Tired," you said simply, words muffled by his shirt. "Was trying to help you."
Izuku felt slightly embarrassed by your sudden proximity, then pulled back to look at your face, "What do you mean?"
But you were asleep, head just falling limp now that it wasn't being supported by his body. Shit. Unsure what to do, Izuku just scooped you up in his arms and carried you to your couch. He laid you there as gently as he could, grabbing a blanket from nearby and laying it over your unconscious form.
"I'm gonna leave now," he whispered awkwardly, and you didn't respond–didn't even stir.
“Okay, be okay…” he whispered again, feeling like an idiot because he knew you were out. "Bye."
He returned to his apartment with more questions than answers. Safe to say, that did not go to plan. 'The worst she can do is say no or that she's busy' his ass. His therapist had evidently failed to consider the possibility that you might fall unconscious into his arms due to obvious sleep deprivation.
And what did you mean by 'trying to help' him? He hadn't even seen you since before the incident. That was days ago. He supposed he would just have to ask you whenever you eventually woke up. Whenever that might be.
He would have to find out later, because as soon as Izuku stepped into his kitchen, he realized that his place was in dire need of cleaning. Now that he had finally noticed, he knew he wouldn't be able to function in any other regard until his space was clear. He sighed, turning on the sink and getting work scrubbing the dishes that had accumulated there.
Izuku spent the rest of his day cleaning, hoping that an organized space would be a good influence on the state of his life. If all the dishes were in place, no laundry on the floor, maybe the jagged edges of his situation would come together in way that would afford him some peace. As much as he knew that it didn’t work like that, he couldn’t help but out hold some hope anyway. Hope for himself, hope for you.
And that was the truth of it. He had to keep himself busy or else his overthinking would drive him closer to the edge of insanity. He worried about you, and for you. Not that he was a doctor, but in his opinion, it looked as if you hadn’t slept in days. In fact, the last time he had seen you was the day of the incident. Could it be that you were losing sleep because of him? Had you really not slept since then?
Izuku’s nails were bitten to the point of bleeding at the thought of you suffering that much over his situation. And then made worse when he considered that he was the biggest asshole on the planet for assuming your troubles had anything to do with him. That he could be worthy of any of your attention, let alone attention at such a degree that it would be to your detriment.
You were like a flower that had taken root in his mind and spread to his heart. You’d blossomed into this shining fixture in his life that he hoped he could make permanent, hoped he could lean on for just a while longer, if not forever. He needed your blooming to rub off on him, the color you brought to your days and now his. You weren’t fragile; he would never say that, but God, if he didn’t want to cradle you like you were. To uproot you and plant you into his earth, his ground. All he ever did was uproot. He felt like a hail storm. You were wilting already from his ‘too much.’ Too heavy, too much rain, too much force, too much feeling. He didn’t want to destroy you. He couldn’t bear another loss. Should your smile fall, he would never forgive himself.
Izuku was finally freed from his thoughts by the sound of a knock at his door. He rushed over immediately, flinging it open with eyes wide, assuming you would be waiting there.
“Y/N—” He started, only to be disappointed when he was met with a very confused-looking delivery man holding an edible arrangement.
“Uh, no,” the man said, handing him the gift.
“Your friend Denki says ‘Happy birthday,’ but then he told me to say ‘I know it’s not your birthday, but the ‘feel better’ bouquets were more expensive’ and ‘It’s the thought that counts.’”
——
When you woke up, it was dark out. You sat up slowly, dazed and yawning, tired mind trying to put all the pieces together.
“Couch?” You wondered aloud, yawning again and moving your hands to rub the sleep out of your eyes.
The digital clock you kept in the kitchen blinked at you, signing ‘9:45pm.’ You had slept all day. That wasn’t the weirdest part though; you’d had the strangest dreams. For once, they were your own—not Izuku’s—but he was still there.
You vaguely recalled answering your door, falling into his arms, soft whispers back and forth to each other. He had looked concerned, which made you want to fix it. Fix, fix, fix; ever the fixer you were. You tried to tell him that someone was in his corner, that you were trying to help, but he only looked more confused.
But then, there was the issue of the couch, which is exactly where you landed in your dream. He carried you there, said something soft to you that you couldn’t hear and then presumably left.
You groaned, sleepy mind finally rearing to life with some embarrassment. “Not a dream,” you decided. “Real.”
You pulled your knees to your chest, curling up and weighing your options. You could go over and knock on his door, apologize for your odd behavior, and swear you are okay. You’re sure he would appreciate knowing that you hadn’t completely decayed yet. But then, the questions. He would ask questions, and you’re a terrible liar. You would sell yourself out immediately, and he would know all about what you had been up to every night. He would feel violated, betrayed; he might even hate you.
You sighed, holding up your left hand, “He deserves to know the truth. He is mature enough to know that I was only trying to help. He is kind and compassionate. I would want to know.”
Then, you held up your right hand, “What does the truth matter, anyway? He won’t find out if I don’t tell him, and it’s not like I am some creep trying to perv on him. He would do the same thing for me if the roles reversed. He would…invade my privacy…and—ugh!” You relented, throwing your hands up.
“He has to know,” you resolved.
You stood up quickly, ready to rush next door. You stumbled as you rose to your feet, grabbing at the couch when the sudden change made you dizzy.
“Tomorrow,” you decided. “Tomorrow is fine.”
But tomorrow never came. You had called in sick to work already, so that wasn’t an issue, but apparently Izuku didn’t get the memo. When you had gone to knock on his door, you got no answer, and when you flicked on your television, you figured out why.
There was live coverage of him going back to work. You saw Izuku—Deku, really—walking into his agency, his head down. He looked determined, despite all of the hustle and bustle of cameras flashing and questions being thrown every which way. Salacious and mean spirited questions that felt more like traps intermixed with random gossip. He said, she said; Izuku paid them no mind. Once he passed through the doors, the cameras lost sight of him, and you watched as the disappointed reporter gave her two cents, sounding bitter.
“With Deku back to work after seemingly no repercussions for the tragedy that occurred just days ago, people are once again wondering what these heroes really stand for. Remember people: we pay them! And what do we get? Not justice,” she said, “not this time.”
You shook your head, about to change the channel, unable to stand whatever bullshit she was spewing. No justice? He was ready to lay down his life for justice. That reporter wouldn’t know justice if it bit her on the ass, like you knew karma would soon.
"The other suspect involved in the recent and violent robbery-gone-wrong is still at large, so if you or anyone you know has information, please, do not hesitate to call in. It's time we step up and be heroes, since the ones we pay aren't cutting it–"
You made a sound of disgust as you slammed the off button on your remote, refusing to sit and listen to anymore. You couldn't understand how someone could be so far from having a clue. It almost hurt. You knew it would hurt Izuku to hear people talk like that. Deku could handle it for the cameras, but Izuku...it would cut deep. You needed to see him, and soon.
However, as much as you wanted to be the one to comfort him, you knew that letting him in on your secret was going to do the opposite. That didn't make the truth any less necessary, though. You really needed to see him.
#anime#my hero academia#mha#izuku midoriya#deku#mha deku#izuku angst#mha fic#bnha#bnha fic#izuku x reader#deku x reader#pro hero au#pro hero deku#my hero fanfic#farawaywrites
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cw: infidelity. angst. minors dni.
a/n: i was in a mood when i wrote this lmfaooo
There’s a lump in your throat, compounded by the feeling of your throat closing up concentrically, as everything settles in at once.
Izuku is cheating on you.
Your Izuku.
Symbol of Peace Izuku.
Izuku who has always smiled and held you and told you you were enough and more, in your highs and in your lows.
He’s cheating on you, unabashedly, and you’re in the process of forgetting how to breathe.
Your lungs ache as you sift through what else is left behind in his car. Besides panties that don’t belong to you (bolder and skimpier than anything you can imagine wearing yourself), there’s a bit of lipstick, stains that you can’t identify as your vision is blurring with tears… your mind keeps trying to recreate positions in the backseat that is too small for someone like him. Did he lay down like a filthy animal and let her ride him, smiling down at him like you’ve done so many nights before? Or did it start in the front seat, her taking the opportunity of a stopped red light to dip down low and engulf his straining cock in her mouth, only for him to pull over and pull her under him?
How many times? How long have you been fooled? Were all those late nights really missions or trysts? Every time he went to the shower first, instead of kissing you as you pretended to be long asleep - was that really coincidence or was he so desperate to wash off the stench of another woman?
Is the owner of the barely there panties, stuffed vengefully in a baggie, the only one? Or will there be more to find, each belonging to people that are prettier, younger, more agreeable than you are?
It’s all you can think about for the rest of the day. Wrapped up in blankets that you’ve changed because you can’t stand the smell of him right now, you force yourself into a fitful sleep, the evidence laid bare for everyone to see in the living room, the door to the bedroom locked, and your heart broken.
—
You wake up to the fitful shaking of the door. Disoriented, you can hear your husband’s voice yelling, or rather his voice is raised, but barely audible over the sound of the door being shaken dramatically. You know it’s just for show - he can just as easily force it open as he can do whatever else he wants in this relationship.
“Babe? Why is this door locked? Listen, if it’s about the… thing in the living room, I-I can explain.”
You don’t say anything back, reaching for your earphones, drowning out the noise with loud orchestral music, the sound of clashing cymbals minimally distracting to your life crashing to pieces.
It takes five minutes for him to decide to force the door.
You don’t budge, despite knowing that your bedroom door is now cleanly ripped off its hinges. Even if he’s gone mad enough to break your vows, and mad enough to break your property, he would never be so insane to hurt you physically.
You don’t hear him call your name, or rather you choose not to hear, and soon your blankets are ripped off of you as well, and this is when you sit up, now in a rage yourself.
“What the fuck do you want?!”
Izuku is red-faced and clearly upset, but even so, for a split second he pales in the face of your own fury.
“It’s not what you think-” he starts, and your blood runs hot then ice cold. You smile, wide and poisonous.
“Okay.” The smile doesn’t reach your eyes, and it unsettles him, because he knows that smile. It’s the smile you’ve given people the closest to dead you can manage; it’s the smile that means you’re past any sort of reason, and at any moment you can snap.
But you haven’t snapped now. Now you hold your arms to yourself, somewhere between cold and guarded, and watch him. Empty but smiling.
You didn’t ask him to continue, and he opens his mouth, faltering as he can’t come up with the words to explain himself. And here he notices that your eyes are puffy and red, and your face is puffy, and even your lips, and even if your smile is empty and terrifying, you look exhausted with thought.
“I don’t love her,” is the only excuse he can come up with. You already have pieced the rest, and this part is true.
“Isn’t that a relief?” your reply is honeyed. “May I return to bed?” you ask.
Izuku breathes in.
“Don’t leave me,” he says and his voice cracks.
And you laugh once, loudly, sharply, disrespectfully, before sitting back down on your bed and pulling the covers over your head.
He pleads your name again, pulling at the blankets and tossing them to the side, and he watches, as you try to pretend things are not happening, and you can make it through shutting out the outside world.
“Please talk to me.”
You snort, then sit up. There’s a long hard look you give him, where you take in his treacherous features, the false concern in his eyes, the quiver in his mouth, the freckles you’ve spent many a night kissing, shoulders that another woman has hung on, a voice that spoke lies to you, every inch of him a piece of shit.
“All I have to say to you is I hope she came.”
#izuku x reader#izuku midoriya x reader#daydreams: bnha#thoughts: izuku#cw infidelity#izuku angst#mimi's notes
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𝑳𝑬𝑭𝑻 𝑩𝑬𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑫
❝ 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬: 𝐢 '𝐦 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 . ❞
꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚
Summary ; In which Izuku leaves U.A Highschool for good . but not before leaving goodbye notes to his classmates , [name] having received one with something that could only cause the heart to hurt so much more .
Warnings & Notices ; ANGSTY | spoiler warning for the new episode released !! i have used the official script in the drabble , so please be wary of that .
Word Count ; 1689
april ... april has arrived . and with it , the paranormal liberation war had been concluded ... but with several casualties and deaths occurring ... so many heroes lost — so many lives lost . the sad truth was that the heroes couldn't protect everyone — and they had been the cause of a few deaths in the midst of it . let alone some news coming out .
however ... along with april ... it brought izuku waking up from the coma he had fallen into amongst the damage he himself had taken that war .
which was amazing news for you and everyone around him ... for only god knew how worried you had been for him . seeing how his quirk had pushed him to his limits ... how he had no control over his movements , everything that forced him to wage on with it all . it was so much , making your heart ache just to watch it ... heaven knows what he had felt .
and yet that hope that rekindled in your heart upon him waking up had slowly been blown out and dissipated once more .
for not long after he had woken were you hit with devasting news . news that you never thought would come your way .
izuku had left u.a highschool .
and in his departure ... he had left a note to you — and everyone else — in explaining why he chose the path he has .
which is what lead you to where you were now , sitting in the 1-A dorms common room , though off to the side upon realizing you weren't the only one who had received a letter of goodbye . your heartbeat was in your ears , able to feel it pound against your ribcage as you prepared yourself to read it ... easily recognizing the kanji in izuku's handwriting .
a certain feeling of dread had already filled you . was it because he was out there on his own ? with nobody to back him up or to fall back on now ? or was it because there were so many things unsaid between you two ?
u.a had started great , after all ... nobody knew things would take such a treacherous downfall ... let alone one so drastic it had the green-haired hero you fell in love with feeling like he had to leave . leave his dream behind , his friends ... you .
taking a deep breath , you clutched the parchment in your hands before beginning to read the handwritten note .
" dear [name] ,
thank you , for everything , for starters . you don't know the impact you have had on me and on my dreams of becoming a hero . how much you strife you gave me to continue pushing forwards , even when the light inside me seemed dim .
i thought i needed to tell you and everyone else in class A my secret . so i'm writing letters to leave behind for you all.
my power is a special power that i received from all might and tomura shigaraki and all for one are coming after my quirk ... and me .
at this rate , you will all be in danger because of me . i don't want you caught up and wrapped up in my mess ... therefore , i have decided to leave u.a highschool to keep you ... guys safe . "
your eye widened at such a thing . so much to take in at once ... it was almost confusing ... but what you did know was that your heart ached at hearing such a thing .
clenching the letter in your hands, you had to take a pause in order to compose yourself .
what was he thinking ? leaving like that ?
didn't he know what he was leaving behind ?
or ... who he was leaving behind ?
izuku midoriya had began as nothing more than a classmate at the start of the semester , only growing towards something more and more the more time you spent together .
having never had the courage to tell him , you left it be . in fear of ruining what you two had .
and now you almost regretted that ... no , you did regret that decision .
because now he was out there , all alone ... with two of the major villains going after him and his quirk , a secret in itself .
and he had nobody to fall back on now that he was out there alone ...
though shoving the emotion and pain aside for now , your eyes glanced back down to the page once you had collected your thoughts , well , to the best of your abilities .
" being able to get into the hero course and meet everyone in class A really made me happy .
especially you , [nickname] .
don't think i'll ever be forgetting anything we shared together in my time there . i wish things could be different but ... they can't .
thank you , for everything . for being the one who means most to me and for being the person i continued to fight for , it's you and has always been you . i don't think that will be changing any time soon . "
there was a lump in your throat , it was the way that even through writing he had you choking on your own emotion , your own vulnerability showing in the corner you stayed in . thank god you weren't sitting with everyone else right now .
you swallowed down a lump of emotion once again . as if you hadn 't done that enough through reading what he had left you . a small breath escaping your lips as you once again turned your head down to read the rest of what he wrote you .
" there's one thing i never got to tell you ... and i don't know if i'll ever get the chance to tell you in person anymore . so , i thought i'd leave you with this one last thing . " you took a deep breath in as your eyes scanned through the handwritten letter .
you tried to ignore the tears that brimmed at your waterline , threatening to over spill . it burned , the way they were threatening to fall down your cheeks , the way it blurred and distorted your vision . the way so many emotions overcame you all at once ... it almost burned just as much as your whole entire being ached upon hearing this .
" i love you , [name] , i've always loved you and i'll continue to do so . i wish things could be different , i really do ... but it can't ... i have to protect you ... i can't lose you too . "
your eyes widened again when reading his confession , pupils contracting along with the startlement , the bittersweet realization of what he had just said ... well ... written .
that idiot ... that adorable, lovable idiot ...
why ? why did he feel the need to face this threat on his own ? didn't he know how much you all cared for him ? how much you cared for him ? the yearning and longing you felt every time your gaze met the one his viridian hues casted upon you ?
you clenched the parchment in your hands as you read the words that were presented to you , unable to help the few stray tears that slipped and strayed down your cheeks , splashing onto the handwritten note .
" i'll never forget you , [name] , no matter what happens when i leave . i promise .
thank you , for everything . "
izuku had just confessed his feelings ... just confessed to loving you ,
" and goodbye .
with love , sincerely signed ... "
and you could no longer tell him you felt just the same longing as he did .
" ... izuku midoriya . "
#bnha izuku#midoriya izuku#bnha#izuku#deku x fem!reader#deku x y/n#deku angst#deku#mha#mha angst#mha x reader#bnha x reader#bnha angst#bnha imagines#izuku midoriya x gn!reader#izuku midoriya#bnha midoriya#midoriya izuku x reader#izuku angst#midoriya angst#vigilante izuku#vigilante izuku angst#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#my hero imagines#deku imagines#izuku imagines#izuku midoriya imagine
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Insecurity. Izuku Midoriya X Fem!Reader.
Warning : Jealousy, Angst, Fluff, Nicknames, Ignoring.
Summery: Your boyfriend had been acting weird these days, you didn't have any idea what was going on until you asked him.
Izuku doesn't get jealous easily because he trusts you, and he'd be never be able to tell you if he is jealous, so you never thought he was uncomfortable when you hanged out with Kaminari or Sero.
Kaminari was a great friend of your, you both attended the same school back when you two were kids and you didn't even knew Izuku. You didn't know that Kaminari has a crush on you, you just thought he flirts with you only to tease you.
But Midoriya did notice though, Kaminari's caring behaviour toward you, and how he made you laugh whenever you both talked.
He also wanted to make you smile like that, he denied himself hundred times that it's nothing like it, that you guys are just friends nothing more.
But what can he do? He just can't deny the feeling he had in his chest.
One day Midoriya dropped at your dorm without any notice, knocking on the door he heard your beautiful voice saying “Coming, just a second.”
As soon as you opened the door his eyes went to the yellow haired male, he was also coming down to see who it was.
Kaminari came downstairs and wrapped his one arm around your shoulder taking you by suprise.
It pricked a knife in green haired male's heart, Why was he here? Why was he touching you?
He opened his mouth to say something, but he was afraid if he says anything the tears would start falling from his eyes.
“Is there anything you want Izu?” You asked, he shook his head as no, trying to hold back his tears.
”I-I came here accidentally...I was going to K-Kacchan's dorm.” he replied and quickly left from your dorm, not giving you any time to respond, you titled your head in confusion.
Izuku ignored you for next few days, you didn't know what was wrong with him...why was he distancing from you? Did you do something?
You decided to talk to him when he come back.
Then suddenly the bell ring and everyone started taking their sits, izuku usually sat beside you, but he wasn't doing it for few days.
You looked at his direction the whole class, while aizawa was explaining something.
After school got over everyone started going out of class, you ran to Izuku and grabbed his wrist.
“Izuku, Can we talk?” He could tell it was something serious just by your tone, he just nodded his head.
You took him to your dorm, the walk through your dorm was quite and awkward, which made both of your anxiety rise, you thought he was going to break-up with you and he thought you were going to leave him.
As soon as you both arrived at your dorm, you opened the door for him, you sat on your study table while your boyfriend sat on your bed.
“I'm watching you for a week now... are you trying to ignoring me Izuku?” You asked with much serious tone, his eyes widened.
“I-it's not like that-” he couldn't find the words to say right now, he was afraid if he says he was jealous you'd think he is too possesive and leave him.
“Listen, I don't want our relationship to break like this...if i did something wrong, please tell me instead of ignoring me, It hurts when you ignore me like this..” your voice was breaking, his heart also broke seeing you like that, he hated himself for making you feel hurt.
“I-it's not your fault Y/n...I guess i was overthinking so much, you could never cheat on me...I was just jealous..” you raised your brow.
“When I saw Kaminari hugging you like that...i thought you were going to leave me because of him...i was scared, scared to be apart from you...I love you so much and i can't imagine my life without you. It was so hard for me to ignore you for whole week.” He explained while wiping a tear, you were shocked. You never thought this was going on his head, if you did you would never do it.
You quickly went toward him and hugged him, kissing his forehead.
“I'm sorry Izu, I never thought you feel like this, you should have just told me instead of keeping it all to yourself, i love you and only you Ok? So whenever you feel like this again just tell me instead of ignoring me.”
He hugged you back with little sobs, he nuzzled his head on your chest and kept on whispering i love you and I'm sorry.
You both cuddled till he calmed down, then he pulled out.
“Izu, I was thinking we should go out somewhere to make-up for the week we were away from each other, What do you think?” You asked to the male who was still in your arm.
“A date?” you nodded your head and he blushed.
Who was he to refuse you? He wanted to spend time with you more than anything, he smiled and agreed.
You also smiled, and kissed his cheek, his face became red, not like he didn't liked the kiss though.
“I love you.” You smiled. “I love you more than anything in this world puppy.” he replied, kissing your forehead.
The End.
#izuku headcanons#izuku x y/n#izuku fluff#izuku#izuku x you#anime angst#anime scenarios#anime fluff#anime fanfic#my hero academia#my hero academy fanfiction#izuku angst#deku x reader#deku x fem!reader#deku x y/n#deku fluff#deku angst#mha x reader#mha kaminari#boyfriend scenario#mha scenarios#deku headcanons#jealousy#jealous deku#jealous anime character#angst#fluff#my hero academia fanfic#my hero academia fandom#my hero academia fluff
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The other woman. (part 2)
Previous: part one
Next: part three, part four- Izuku’s end
Heya, I am doing part two, no idea how it’ll go, but uhm, yeah.
Warnings: suggestive content-but nothing really happens, cheating, lots of angst for izuku, hate-love, you slowly fall out of love with Deku, Izuku feels guilty and shit, timelaps, suicide thoughts, you feel a little guilty, but not too much, LONG CHAPTER
summary: As Izuku thinks about how he should tell you and admit how he cheated on you, you are finishing your last preps to completely break him. Now, all he can do is think about where you might’ve headed off to.
Also: Did I write this all with a resting bitch face?
Yes.
Word count: 4k words
Have fun reading!
...
{...Last time : }
You gently pushed him away from you, his heart breaking at the sight of you avoiding body contact with him. you looked at him with a sad and dissapointed expression and looked away, going to sleep in the guest room. Now that the young man was alone, he thought about your behavior.
You and him didn’t really spend time together, the last time being him and you fucking last night. Before that, you were busy looking for evidences of a new case you could work on alone since you got your promotion.
...
...
He thought about you real hard then. You were always there for him. Always. You always stood up late at night to greet him. You oftentimes came to his office and brought him lunch, which then ended in a hot make-out session or even a quickie in his office.
You often talked about kids, how many you’ve wanted, how you speculated on what they’d look like, what they’d become afterwards.
You weren’t a person of words, but of action. you kissed him at least a hundred times more than he did, you held him oh so delicately whenever you could. you were always gentle, soft, comforting for him. I mean, you could be rough when he wanted to, but you preferred a soft and calm relationship.
He...
He didn’t deserve you.
...
In the guest room, you took a look at your phone. This time, the unknown person wrote a message.
‘Why are you still hanging onto that cheating bastard?‘
You smirked. You didn’t really know who that person was, and if you’d sent the wrong text, then they could do whatever they wanted with it. So, you played dumb.
‘I think you are mistaking him with somebody else. He would never do something like that! I know my husband better than anyone else!!‘
The person didn’t take long to send something back. A voicemail? Let’s check if it’s a man or a woman...
“Well sweetie...guess I’ll have to show you myself...meet me at musutafu train station. Next saturday. 4 o’clock. Dress up for me, pretty. A’ight?“, the stranger said, having a voice changer and you couldn’t tell the gender.
Then, the messenger went offline.
You didn’t have time to ask who they were or why they wanted to stop your relationship with Izuku so bad. But, you were quickly pulled out of your thoughts when Izuku knocked on your door. You had to think of something to answer.
SHITSHITSHITSHIT-
“D-darling...?“ He was met with the sound of whimpers and crying. Izuku felt like killing himself.
...
The next few weeks, you felt like shit, but it was because of your pregnancy. luckily, it was summer, then fall, and then winter, so you could put on more and more sweaters or large shirts to hide your growing stomach.
You went to the doctors regularly to get some meds, and when they asked you if Deku knew-you shook your head no with a mischievous smile that they only interpreted as a surprise.
...
Izuku didn’t feel any better. He looked like he hadn’t slept in months, his hair was messier than usual. He had a days-old beard, and if he wouldn’t have cheated on you, you’d latch onto him and fuck him until next week.
The guilt of cheating on you was plaguing his mind so much that he even forgot to eat. He forgot to take care of himself. When he roamed around the city, he didn’t tell the villains to make a better person out of themselves with a smile on his face like he normally would.
No.
He used them as a punching bag and beat them up with a monotone expression. He felt like really committing suicide.
The idea became more and more interesting as he noticed more and more things in his every day life that he didn’t think of before. Once he even drank a little bleach, but he vomitted out his entire dinner that he had with you.
The dinner was a complete disaster.
In that dinner, he tried to try it again, tried to talk with you. He noticed that you were covering up more and more. you also looked a little more chubby to him. You didn’t really eat anything, only looked to the side with your arms crossed.
Also, he couldn’t touch you how he liked anymore.
You didn’t let Izuku touch you because he cheated (but he didn’t know that you knew) on you and also because if he would’ve touched your tummy, he would’ve guessed that you were pregnant right away. Who knows? He might even be relieved that you wanted to hide that surprise from him.
But you didn’t let him come closer to you than arms length. And he was only allowed to hold your arms and hands or your head and face. Not more.
Izuku thought of that distance as your dissapointment towards him. He knew that you didn’t want to make love with him. But he didn’t know for how long. and honestly? It was snapping every single heart string of his.
Maybe he’d get a broken heart syndrome and die already. But his prayers went ignored as time went by.
He felt numb.
Then he went numb. But you didn’t really care. It was his fault, after all.
...
The brown haired woman, Uraraka, has tried to contact him more than a few times everyday, but he blocked her. Izuku felt like a traitor-which he was-but he felt much more than that.
You didn’t deserve such an ungrateful bastard like him. He felt like a whore. He took you for granted. He was fucking another woman behind your back. He was kissing another woman. In another bed.
When you should be in Uraraka’s place. When you should be the one he whispered sweet nothings in your ear. When you should be the one he’d meet at the end of the day. Not her.
Uraraka was the other woman.
But she was a woman who didn’t care if her target was taken or not. She didn’t care that you and Izuku were theoretically inseperable. She tested that theory.
She found out that the theory was wrong. Or only temporary.
She broke a perfect relationship with a devillish smirk.
Uraraka is a bitch.
...
You met up with some music and model agencies. You gave the music agency some of your music for when you were younger. Songs about love. Breakup. First date. Arguments. Everything. Nothing.
They accepted your music. You even gave out your most recent song, but you wanted to sing that one. It was about cheating. About you, Izuku, and the other woman. And you even mentioned your two months old baby in your tummy in it. You’d sing it after your son, daughter or baby would come to the world, not sooner.
if some other person, no matter if man or woman, would sing it, and Izuku would hear the lyrics, then he’d know that it was your song. You loved mistery, but also being simple and obvious. He knew that. so, you’d sing that song and the whole world would know about your and Izuku’s relationship being over before it could actually really blossom.
The head of the music agency was thrilled about your plan and loved it. She even organised a concert for you to sing on. Live. And Izuku would be your guest of honour.
In the model agency, you gave the people some of your old modeling photos. Now you’d be a model for pregnant ladies. They also accepted. But, you insisted on cutting of your face in every pic, but only digitally. When you’d give birth to your child, then could they publish your photos. and Izuku would see how much he’s fucked up.
...
The case was finished. It seemed like the burglar was actually a group of middle school kids that had fusing quirks which they used to form into a thief and steal important or expensive stuff.
After that case, you got another one. You had to find a mysterious person who likes to stalk people. It could be your internet friend who sent you the videos of Izuku and the other woman.
Today was saturday. Time to meet the stranger. You contacted one of your close friends for safety reasons and made your way to the station. Your stomach got heavy with each week passing by. Now, your stomach was a little bigger than a basketball, but you could cover it up perfectly with one of Izuku’s hoodies.
Yes, you still used them. Only to let him think that you still wanted this...whatever it was the two of you had. Now, you passed half of the path you had to take when Izuku called you.
“Hey sweetie, where are you going?“
“Huh?“
“I’m up here.“, he whispered and you looked up. You saw him standing on a low rooftop, gazing down at you with a smile only a real lover could have. Too bad he wasn’t your lover anymore.
But, you noticed his growing beard and hair, his eyes having big, dark circles under his eyes. He also looked like he could eat something. He should eat...
You smiled. “Aren’t you coming down? I don’t feel that safe right now.”, and just after you’ve finished that sentence, he jumped and landed on his feet next to you. He tried to be subtle, but you pretty much aknowledged the pained wince his left eye had when his feet met the ground.
You smiled again. “Thanks.”
You put your mobile away, and took his hand, swinging it around a little. That made Izuku uncomfortable, and you knew that. “N-no problem...where are you going anyways?”, he asked, giving you a curious look.
No need to lie, right? “Well, there’s this person who began texting me, and I thought they’d be a nice friend, so I’d agreed to meet up with them.”
Izuku looked at you for a few seconds before squeezing your hand. “would you like me to come with you?”
Don’t you have other bitches to look at?
“Don’t you have patrol?”, you asked instead, biting your tongue internally. He shrugged, looking at you with a sly smirk. “I can always come a little late.”
‘I can always come a little late.‘, my ass! He probably said that to that other bitch he’s fucking!
You looked at him with a resting bitch face before you looked straight ahead. Your phone began ringing as you went. You stopped in your tracks and took your phone out.
The unknown number. You wrote ‘MY BESTO FRENDO!! <3’ in the contact list so that your poor excuse of a husband wouldn’t suspect a thing. “Oh, ‘my besto friendo?’ Isn’t that from Jujutsu Kai-” “Heyyy~! Where are you?”
Oh. O-okay..
Izuku visibly deflated when you interrupted him by picking up the phone and went ahead and pulled your hand away from him. He felt shitty.
“huh? over there? Ah, I see you, you can stop waving now, hahaha...yeah, okay, I’ll come now! Bye!“, you said after you ended the call. You then looked at the man whom you’d swore to never leave. But you would. In less than a year.
“You can go now, Izuku. I can take care of myself.“ “I can still accompany you-“ “There are your fans, I don’t want them to come closer than they already are. Bye Izu.“
And without smiling at him, giving him a kiss, touching his shoulder, or cheek, you turned around and went into a nice caffee. Izuku lookes after you with a look of longing. He missed you.
With a sigh, he turned towards his eager fans who questioned him about everything that had happened between you two. With each question that involved you - which was every single one the six kids asked him about - he felt more and more like crying, screaming, or throwing himself into a nearby river.
“I-I’m sorry kids, it was nice talking to you...!“, he croaked out before he took off and dissapeared.
...
“Huh, so, you’re the one sending me those videos.“, you mustered the handsome but tired looking male in front of you.
He had nice purple hair, eyebags of tiredness, and a sexy smile.
“Shinsou Hitoshi.“ “Aren’t you an underground hero?“
He looked at you with surprise evident on his face. “How...?”
“You think I don’t know about people like you? I am a detective in that area. I know everybody here. And now tell me; Why did you send me these videos?“
He furrowed his brows. “Do I really need an explanation? You are living together with your CHEATING husband, isn’t that enough?”
You smiled coquettishly at him. “No, why do you think that this is going to change anything?”, you scoffed, ”Do you think I want to leave him?”
He hesitantly nodded, which made you giggle sweetly. “Dear Underground hero, I am not planning on divorcing my husband. He may have had come slip ups there and there, but don’t we all do mistakes sometimes?”
“I...shouldn’t you be hurt by his actions? How can you still be so...carefree?“, he murmured, sizing you up. To him, you looked like a completely normal citizen, but he still questioned your relationship with Izuku.
“Say...are you happy in your relationship?“
If you were taken aback, you didn’t show it. You were a mistress when it came to faking your emotions around other people now. You sighed.
“I wish I was...I am still a little mad at him for spending some nights with another woman, but he promised that he’d never do it again.”, and you had a sad expression on your face, but it was real in this fake relationship.
Shinsou nodded, giving you the illusion of the conversation dying down. But, you were wrong. Deku just had to break your heart more, didn’t he?
“I’m sorry for...putting my nose into your business, but Izuku’s been meeting up with the same woman over and over again until it suddenly stopped.”
You stopped breathing for a second. You don’t have to tell me that, you idiot-
“And I really want to know why-like, don’t get me wrong or something! I am questioning your...husband’s...moves right now.“
“Please, Shinsou. Leave it. Okay? I’ll try and talk to Izuku about it, all right?“, you only answered with a bittersweet smile.
He didn’t look like he’d believe you and you wouldn’t even believe it yourself, but here you were, lying to people who only want the best for you.
“I-just...ugh. Let me tell you, that I will be there for you when you need help, all right? Also, it’d be the best if you’d leave him already.“
You sighed for the last time before standing up, thanking him for the nice time, and walking home, with thinking about how you should approach your nearly final step.
...
“Phew. Onto the next step.“
Carefully, you put out some wine glasses with some bottles of beer and other drunk-making potions for your plan for tonight. Since it was sunday, and you had free for today, it was the perfect chance of taking it into action.
You had prepared some nice dinner, candles and other romantic stuff and with your quirk, making plants, you let plenty of flowers bloom from the walls of your shared house.
“I’m home...“, you heard your “husband’s“ tired voice. He was later than usual and he looked like he’d need a bath-right now. Luckily, you let in a nice warm bath for him with plucked pectorals from some flowers an put them on the nice-with bath bombs and soothing bathing salts filled- bathwater.
Now, as Izuku was stripping down to his underwear, you prepared the most important part: The divorce. You needed his signature, after all.
You then put on his oversized hoodie-an all might themed one, of course- and went over to him, ignoring the stomach ache your growing child gave you. “Hey, Izu.”, you smiled softly at him, spoiling him with your tender, fake love.
He looked at you surprised. “O-oh, hey...”
You giggled. Okay, something’s wrong here. Why were you all happy and shit right now? With him? Even though it was nice to hear your happiness, Midoriya felt like something was completely wrong.
“C’mon, I made dinner, and the bath is also not waiting for you.“, you ushered him into the bathroom, which was lit up by the numerous candles and gave him a nice vibe. He stepped into the bathroom and groaned. His muscles relaxed after what felt like forever and he felt like taking a nap. That was what he was really missing.
Meanwhile, your core still responded to his touch and you cursed your body for still aching after the cheater who was having a good time in the bathtub.
Your hand on his scalp brought him out of his dreamland and he sighed. Still, things were nagging him. “Hey...are we...are we good?”, he asked cautiously, testing the waters with you.
Your smile faded. “I wish we were, Izuku...it’s actually my fault that I neglected you, you know? You’re so busy, with saving everybody...and helping people when they need help...”, you trailed off, talking about all the times you longed for his touch, his voice, his warmth, him.
And with each word falling from your lips, he felt like drowning himself into the bathtub. “I just...I wished we could...you know...try again?”, you asked, a hopefull glimmer in your eyes.
Who was he to deny you.
Who was he to even think about answering that question.
Who did he think he was for even looking you in the face after all the time he has spent countless times in other women’s places, blowing their backs over and over again?
“Yes. Let’s do it.“, he instead answered, a determined expression on his face and you smiled seductively at him. “Okay, Izu. But I am hungry, so we’ll eat first, okay?“
...
“Ya wan’ me dodo *hiccup* wha?“, he only asked, his mind far too gone, but he tried to seem like he’d know what you were talking about.
You held the divorce papers in front of him, smiling devilishly down at him. “It’s so that I can get more money, sweetie...”, you whispered, grinning happily when he signed off without another care.
“averythin’ for’ya, swee...anythin’“, he called, his red face making him drowsy and soon, he fell asleep.
He didn’t even see you taking your clothes and leaving. He didn’t see you putting your wedding- and engaged ring into their respective boxes and placing them on the dinner table, where everything was left the way it was after you two ate and drank. You onlay drank water but he mistook it for whitewine and said cheers before drinking full-on.
He thought about having to become confident before rearranging your gut again, but he never got to do that; with you talking about how you solved the case, your friends having kids, you solving another case and him having to get better at saving people again.
He never got to touch further up your arm than intertwining your and his fingers and gazing into each other lovingly. He never saw you again after he signed the paper. But what was it again?
It was morning as he threw up all the bile from yesterday, even your delicious food, and the expensive liquors. He felt miserable, and when he called for you, you didn’t answer.
As he kept calling your name, he noticed that something was wrong, again. All your belongings were gone. Your clothes, lewelry, but only the ones that you personally owned-not the ones he bought for you. Your shoes, also only from your own credit card, were gone, and so was your entire presence.
Sure, there were still the parfumes and other belongings of yours that Izuku purchased for you, but you? You were nowhere to be seen. Izuku got scared that something might’ve happened to you.
He searched for his phone and found it on the uncleaned dining table. There were two boxes, dangerously equal to the ones where he had his engage and wedding rings in, and to his horror, the rings were inside the boxes.
Underneath was an envelope. He opened it and read a letter which you wrote for him.
“Dear Izuku Midoriya.
Dear Izu, Zuku, Mido, Midori, sweetheart, love, handsome, sweetie, darling.
Dear Deku,
As you might have noticed, I have vanished. Am I going to tell you where? Out of your life! Now, you can fuck as many women as you want.
But-”
Izuku flinched as if he heard you say those words. Your words, and you found out he cheated on you. How long?
He looked down again, and continued.
“But, you’ll surely try and stalk me or investigate where I have gotten off to. Well, spare it. You’ll never find me.
I do have some questions though.
Why did you cheat on me?
Was I not enough? Not sexy enough for you? Not pretty enough for you? Not tidy enough for you?
Too lazy? Too brat-ish? Too much attitude? Not enough confidence? Not enough attention? Not the best looking woman? Not the best cook? Not the best lover?
Tell me. why did you cheat. and why did you stop? Exactly after the night when you fucked me?
Did a lightbulb go on over your head and you thought, ‘wait, I’ve adtually got a spouse, I don’t need a side chick!’?
Whatever your answer might be, it’s over.
that...paper you signed yesterday. It was our devorce. and we are leaving. who do I mean by “we”?
Well, me and my son of five months.
I hope that he’ll never see you and become like you, Izuku Midoriya. I’ll raise him as a real man.
Until never,
Not your lover anymore.”
You were pregnant? A son? And you didn’t tell him, he also doesn’t know where you are.
I mean, sure, he broke you, but you broke him back, you guys are even...right?
As tears ran down his eyes and his sobs echoed in the now empty and cold appartment, void of your nice and warm presence, the pro hero unlocked his phone, only to be bombarded with news and questions from all sides.
Japan news! - Deku’s bride divorced with child, what happened to our sweetest...tip to read more
Kacchan - the fuck did you do?! Your girl left you while pregnant?! Did you cheat on her...tip to read more
Uraraka - Are you okay? should I come come over? We can talk about it if you want...tip to read more
+ Notifications - tip to read more
His phone trembled when he listened to Katsuki screaming his ear off, the news reporting about how you modeled for numerous model companies and released tons of relatable and heart wrenching songs, with an invitation to her freshly divorced ex- Izuku to be a gust at her upcoming concert.
then, he listened to Uraraka’s voice. calming, soothing, comforting.
Bullshit.
He blackmailed Uraraka, blocked her, and then tossed his phone away, thinking about where you might be.
...
It was cold at this hour, but Izuku didn’t want to fakk asleep after two o’clock. You heaved your luggage down the last stairs of the house you’ve lived in for the past few years.
Now, you were ready to leave it all behind.
Shinsou, your chauffeur, packed all the suitcases into the car and let you sit in the passenger seat. Only then he noticed your noticable bulge.
“You-you’re pregnant?!”, he yelled, eyeing you with owlish eyes. You winced from his loud voice and shushed him.
“I fucked him a few months ago and now I’ve got the baby. Now drive me away from this shitty place. Please.“
After some while, you felt Shinsou trying to say something and you sighed before urging him to tell you what’s been on his mind as he drove you into your new house-but...could you even call it a house?
It was...so much more than that. (I’ll explain it later.)
“Well, i think that after you two had sex did he stop meeting that other woman. what was her name again? Uraa- Uraka-“
“Uraraka Ochaco. And you’re the person who’s fitting perfectly in my case. Please, Shinsou, for the love of god. Register yourself and tell your underground-hero friends to to the same or my job will only consist of tracking down my own collegues. You guys are taking that whole “underground-hero” thing way too seriously.“
“A-ah..shit, sorry.“
[to be continued...]
...
HOW DID Y’ALL FIND IT?!
was it angsty enough? Because I am still bad at it I think
please comment on my posts so that I can improve my writing and make better stories in the future...PLEASE!
Taglist: black-bhabie-2000
#reader angst#deku x reader#deku x you#izuku x you#izuku x reader#izuku angst#deku angst#midoriya angst#midoriya x reader#midoriya x you#mha angst#bnha angst#cheating#anime#mha#bnha#mha x reader#mha x you#sero x reader bnha x reader#bnha x you#shinsou x reader#shinsou x you
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listen.. listen.. izuku doesn’t have time for reader because of being a pro hero ANGST.
BREAKING MY HEARTTT
culpability | izuku x reader
Your eyes fluttered open, waking up to the sound of items being shuffled around and bags being zipped up downstairs. At first, you suspected it to be a robbery but your thought changed when you realized Izuku wasn't in bed with you. You leaned over your nightstand and checked your phone. 11:38. What could he be doing up so late? Naturally, you got out of bed, stepped into your white fluffy slippers, and quietly headed downstairs. Your eyebrows furrowed as your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the living room coming into view. Izukus's back was turned and he seemed to be packing clothing and toiletries in, not one, but three large suitcases.
"Izuku..." He turned around, surprised by your sleepy voice. "...where are you going?" He gazed upon you with grief.
"I told you, y/n, remember? I have to go on a month's trip to America for a crisis that's been occurring throughout the state. Illegal activities like quirk disabling and amplifying drugs have been being processed throughout the state. Raids, arson, and homicide have also severely increased. America's hero council contacted top heroes from around to world to address the situation until the numbers start to fall," explained Izuku.
"What?" Your eyebrows furrowed once more. You leaned against the stair railing and crossed your arms over your chest. "You never told me this?"
Izuku frowned.
"I did. I said it on the phone last week-"
"But you didn't tell me this was a month-long trip, did you? You said it was for a week."
"I..." He averted his eyes out of guilt, turning around to continue packing. He could feel your eyes burning through him. He could feel you as you stepped closer and closer to him. He could feel every emotion emitting from you. "...I need to do this y/n, it's important." You huffed forcefully, temper clearly shown. Hero work, hero work, hero work. That's all he seemed to care about. There are some times when you wish he hadn't pursued the occupation, but you know that's wrongful thinking. But why doesn't he get it? He has a loving wife and two beautiful children. Does he not see the responsibility here?
"You know what's more important? Being here as a father for our 9-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter, yeah? You never spend enough time at home and you're always off to work every day, barely anytime to say hello or goodbye to them!" You snapped. Clearly, he wasn't paying you any mind.
Izuku sighed. "...It's only one month y/n, I promise I'll be ho-"
"So you're just going to leave us here? How the hell am I supposed to put food on the table when I have to be here with the kids?" Your voice grew louder and louder with every word, your teeth practically bearing. To you, it might've seemed he was ignoring you, but it's quite the opposite really. He flinched a bit with every shout of your voice. He's never seen you with so much fury. It made him miserable hearing your cries and shattering enrage. He stood up and turned around, placing his hands on your waist.
"Don't worry, y/n. The government will be paying us when I'm gone...I have to go soon. There are helpless people out there who need a hero to save them, criminals, to be captured, and chaos to be fought away. I'm sure you'll be f-"
SLAP
Izuku's eyes widened in shock. Your body dropped down to the floor, your hands hiding the flowing tears, followed by erratic breathing. Your face was burning with stress, anger, and sadness. You wanted to apologize for inflicting pain on him, but at the same time, you hoped that it stung as much as his actions did. How could he leave all of a sudden? For a whole month too? What if something bad happens to him? What would happen to you and your kids then? Izuku's reached his hand up to his cheek, still in shock by your measures. He stared down at your broken figure.
"Y/n...-" He crouched down to you and held out his calloused, scar-driven hand. The hand that intertwined with yours on your first date. The hand that slipped the diamond ring on your finger.
You slapped it away.
"No, Izuku. Just go." By then, your little ones were already up, quietly listening from upstairs. "Just go already. Maybe you shouldn't even come back. Leave us here." Tears were falling down his own face. His heart ached from hearing those painful words. He huffed, picking up his luggage and walking towards the front door. As he was about to leave, he muttered, "I'll be back soon," and left without another word. As the front door closed, you shot up and ran to it, swinging it wide open to see Izuku still in view. You clenched your jaw as tears threatened to fall again.
With all your anger, dejection, and sorrow, you cried out at the top of your voice, "You call yourself a hero!? You go around liberating society and its strangers, but you can't even save your own family!?"
He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. There were no tears, no cries, yet he held the most remorseful expression you've ever had the heart to discern.
But he kept going, walking until he was out of sight, into the abyss of darkness you pray he'd never fall into.
support me? :)
#w.midizu#NO BUT HE WOULD BE UNDERSTANDING#ARGHHH#WAHHH#BABY COME BACK#deku x reader#deku x y/n#izuku x reader#izuku midoriya#midoriya x reader#mha x reader#drabbles#izuku midoriya x reader#izuku angst#deku angst#izuku x reader angst#deku x reader angst#mha x you#deku x you#izuku x you
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