#gifts being the less relevant one | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mechaknight-98 · 2 months

Text

Reciprocal Feelings (NSFW) FT Natty

Authors note: a little something special for Valentine's day, especially since Natty is exceptionally hot.

You were surprised when your 118th match on Tinder messaged you “Can you come through tonight?” and even more surprised at you doing so.

You arrive at the hotel 45 minutes later. When you enter the lobby you see your match’s smiling face. Her cute expression puts your previous worries about meeting her away and replaces them with other concerns but more on that later. Her outfit accents her curvaceous body while still leaving more than enough to the imagination. You walk over to her and she smiles at you

“Vlad right?” your match asks

“Yeah, you got it.” You affirm

“Natty.” Your match responds while going in for an awkward hug. She breaks the hug and says “Let’s go to my room.” You nod and follow.

You arrive at the 8th floor or so of the luxury hotel where Natty eyes you nervously as she watches you pace. To ease this you sit next to her.

“Be gentle” she says. You hesitate but know what you should do

“Are you sure about this?” You ask

“Yes!”Natty asserts pushing her breasts closer together hoping to entice you into not asking any more questions but with the redness of her eyes as if she was about to cry. You felt that was the wrong call.

“Really?” you ask

“Yes, why don't you think so?”Natty insists again

You grab her hand gently to show her how much she's shaking. She breaks into tears shortly after as she withdraws into your chest. You let her sob for a while.

“So what's the rush?” you ask eventually when Natty stops crying.”

“My members have been making fun of me for not having lost my Virginity,” Natty says through ugly tears and a dejected sigh.

You scowl as that was an extremely unconventional response “That's dumb,” you respond skeptically before you can think about your answer. You watch her eyes droop further in sadness which keys you into that response being the wrong one.

Still sniffling Natty looks at you again“Well, that's not the full truth. They make fun of me for not having a partner and boys only want one thing” Natty clarifies. You listen and now try to formulate the proper response

“Um,” you say unsure how to respond to that specific concern.

Natty looks at you confused and worried “Wait what was that “um” about?”Natty asks. You take your time as you consider your response

“I was trying to figure out how to respond to your previous statement which there is a lot to unpack about the statement,” you answer Natty looks at you surprised

“Why?”Natty asks. She looks at you wide-eyed as she thinks to herself. “Oh, he's different.”

Knowing that this was going to be. The long answer you pinch the bridge of your nose as you think Natty smirks at this thinking to herself, “he's thinking hard about this, which means he cares.”,

You sigh as you begin your answer “Well our culture (for better or worse) propagates that physical intimacy is the only worthwhile intimacy worth pursuing and that is the true manifestation of a mature and healthy relationship at least to men. All of our advertising, cultural relevance, and prominence is tied to “find woman, fight for woman, get woman, breed woman, repeat” and that's it. While I understand from a biological psychology reason why that would arise it isn't (and shouldn't be ) the end all be all for every man. Now, there are some who it is. However for the most part if you take the sexual enculturation out of us all you'd probably see sex become less of a main focus and more emotional intimacy or intellectual intimacy rise. Now for me, the way to my heart is through my stomach but that's because my mom’s love language was quality time and gift which for her translated to extravagant meals due to her being a world-renowned chef. For example, do any of your members have multiple exes?”

“Yes, my unnie Julie has 4,” Now atty says excitedly. She's excited to be engaged like an adult but also elated that you're taking her concerns seriously and not just diving into “getting physical” Also world renowned chef made her consider that he'd make a great house husband.

“How does she talk about them? Does she have them categorized in different ways for example is one referred to as the kind one where she talks about his overwhelming kindness, or does she have one whom she and her ex-partner whom she only talks about the mind-blowing sex she had with them?” you ask Natty’s eyes widen as two of Julie’s exes immediately pop into her head as she nods. Julie would often describe them in the categories you mentioned. As she goes to respond your stomach rumbles.

“Are you hungry?” you ask Natty. She nods and you respond “If it's okay with you let's grab something. My treat.” Natty. smiles wide at you before making noises of glee. “You will be mine” was all she could think about while you walked to your car.

3 months later you're taking a flight to South Korea to visit Natty for Valentine’s day. The flight was unpleasant but you endured for your love. Upon arrival, you thanked Zeus that he didn't find it within himself to strike you out of the sky. After that you make it to the hotel you'd be staying at for the time being. When you check in the attendant says that you'll find the accommodations suitable for your situation. You try not to scowl at the phrasing but it's kind of hard to do so. Regardless you ride the elevator up to your room. When you settle in you get a call from your friend Max. He tells you about this incredible girl he was dating named Yu Jimin. The picture he sent you of her made you laugh.

“Um, dude do you know who that is?” you text back to Max. Max sends back a confused emoji and you laugh audibly. You sent back a screenshot of a Google search and waited for Max to reply. Before he could though you got a text from Julie saying that Natty was ready to be picked up. So shaking off your fatigue you make the trek to her building. On the way you get flowers. You arrive at her building shortly thereafter as you walk inside Natty walks out. She sees you and gives you that adorable massive smile that radiates lovesick puppy energy. You smile back and present the flowers as she runs to you. She hugs you tightly and says “It's so good to see you Vlad.” she breaks the hug and quickly leans into your ear and whispers “I can't wait for you to destroy this pussy when we get back to your hotel room.” her words cause you to shudder and you barely hold off on pitching a tent in your pants. As she steps away she squeezes your arm in excitement. Unfortunately, she squeezes your bandaged right arm. You since which is when she finally notices it. Natty frowns and then hits your not (visibly) injured shoulder. When she sees you wince she scans you once over and notices all of the other scrapes and bruises covering you.

“What happened to you?” she demanded

“Max and I got attacked by a giant lion during one of his digs, best not to worry we'll be okay. No rabies just injured for the time being,” you explain as you gesture to the various cuts and scrapes. Natty scowls at you, but she knows that while she prefers you not have flown in this condition she knew you were not missing Valentine's day. Come to Hell or High Water or in this case Lions, Tigers Bears oh my.

“So how does it feel?, having your globe-trotting boyfriend visit you on Valentien’s day” you ask. Natty beams with an annoyed smile as the two of you walk out together. She has taken the flowers and is purposefully ignoring the cheers and jeers of the rest of her group.

She follows you back to the hotel flowers in her hand smile plastered across her face.

“It’s nice especially since you’re here Vlad.” Natty eventually says as you exit the building together.

Before y'all reached the hotel the both of you decided to stop at the k-bbq place on the way. The last time you had visited Korea this was the place Max, Gally, and Danger met while you talked about the next dig (the one you just finished) and recapped the previous one (the one before that). You and Natty sit down and begin to catch up.

“So what did you think about the comeback?”Natty asked

“Oh, you looked stunning. Every outfit you wore made you look better than the others. I am super sorry I couldn't make it but you know with the digs they could discover something, but the next concert I'm there regardless of anything.” Natty smiled at your fervor for her. She knew you would move the sun the moon and the stars if you could to make her happy. She did feel bad sometimes as she couldn't always reciprocate those feelings but did her best. She loved you in her own way. She was captivated and enthralled by your academic mind. But also you heart had shown her what unconditional love looked and felt like so she had a vision and a goal. Meanwhile, you were just so caught up in how remarkable she was. You were six months older than her but she had already accomplished so much so young. Being an international megastar. Almost debuting on one of the most publicized survival shows in the history of K-pop. Debuting not once but twice, and completely reinventing herself. You often felt inadequate next to her so you compensated by being the best trophy boyfriend you could be. Natty takes her place next to you on the right. In the booth, the to of you got assigned. This allowed you both to eat together without being in the other’s way as she was right-handed and you were left handed.

(Short aside you are not a trophy husband by the by. You are remarkable in your own right)

The two of you eat together in relative silence. Flirty silence but silence nonetheless. Some hand hand-holding here. Some hair fixing there. Overall just tame stuff. That was until Natty made a sudden move and “accidentally” forced her tits all over your hands. As you try to lessen the awkwardness Natty gives you a mischievous smile. “Can't wait sweetheart?” she coos. As she looks into your eyes her hand slinks down to your crotch. She slips her hand under the waistband, but wait the waitress is coming to take your order. Natty looks up innocently as she continues to inch her hand closer to your cock. You keep your composure as the two of you order another round of food. After that, she leans into your shoulder and breathes heavily into your ear as she grasps your cock. You jolt which only eggs her on more as she nibbles on your earlobe.

“What's gotten into you?” ask concerned. Natty has always been bold but this is a new height for her.

“What I can't worship my boyfriend’s big cock before I have it creampie this wet pussy?” Natty says as she continues to stroke you. Her eyes are lidded seductive and full of lust as she speaks. Her tone is that of an errotic whisper like a siren.However, her words make you laugh. Natty had done the whole sexy act multiple times and it was always so cute because she tried so hard. Your laugh caused Natty to pout acutely before increasing the fervor of her handjob.

“Babe please we in public.” you struggle as you stifle a moan. Natty’s mischievous grin returns.

“Um no.” she teases as she continues to jerk you. You hate to admit but her actions arouse even more. You love her aggression. Her eyes widen as she stares into yours watching you writhe and squirm under her touch.

“I love watching you ride the edge until you can't take it anymore,” she says as she feels you inch closer to the finish and her hand is drenched in your precum, but just as you are about to explode she stops, Mostly because it coincides with more food arriving. You'd be furious if you weren't so hungry so you manage to calm down. As you eat you get a call from me.

“Yeah Danger,” you say as you pick up the phone. I noticed a hint of laboring in your voice.

“Everything good Vlad?” I ask

“Yeah just flew into Korea last night and am a little tired,” you respond as you still are shaking off the sensitivity you felt from your girlfriend’s recent escapades.

“Oh well if that's the case, I'll be flying in next week as well we can go into more detail about what's the plan for the next dig. Go over what you all want me to observe and record for the b-roll since you're the director for this. It sounds like you are exhausted so letting you rest may be better,” I respond

You smile relieved that you have time to think before any intense choices need to be made. Especially since a little minx is just waiting at the edge of your vision. I hang up the call wishing for a pleasant farewell and you get back to eating.

“Who was that?” Natty asked

“Oh, that was just Dangerfield the videographer for the digs and seminars.”

“I thought that was you.”Natty Says confused.

“No, I'm just director of photography and head photographer.” you answer Natty nods in understanding as she begins to stroke you again. She smiles watching you try to keep composed.

“Hey is Danger like us?” natty said slowly stroking you

“Asian?” you ask hesitantly. “No, he's super black,” Vlad says flatly to Natty who rolls her eyes.

“No. I mean ascendant?” she asks

“I'm actually not sure but enough about him it's your special day and I want to indulge you,” you say as you kiss her forehead. Natty smiles as you go back to eating. You decide to give her a taste of her own medicine as your offhand inches back down her crotch and past her panties. You hear Natty stifle a gasp as she leans in.

“Oh someone wants their dessert early,” Natty says holding a moan off. You ignore her and have your fingers circle around her clit, as you eat. Natty whispers progressively dirtier and dirtier things to you that I can't repeat. Yet undeterred you send one finger into her pussy which is soaked right now. You stay calm as she begins to beg to cum.

“Please let me cum on your finger. I don't care if wee in public let me cum please. I need it.” Natty begs. You chuckle and when you feel her pussy clench in the way it does before she would climax you remove your hand. The two of you finish eating after that on edge waiting for the other to make a move.

When the two of you arrive at the hotel Natty growls at you, and rips your pants open as soon as the door closes.

“No more foreplay wreck this pussy like you stole it.” Natty demands as she tears off her clothes as soon as she gets yours off.

You don't even bother taking the rest of your shirt off and plunge into her bedraggled pussy.

“You like that?” you ask as you slap Natty’s bodacious ass.

She moans your name and a string of incoherent noises after. As you pound her the squelching sounds of her pussy egg you on further.

“I still need to fuck your ass natty, but not tonight. Tonight this pussy is mine,” you state authoritatively as you pull the bent-over girl by her hair.

“I love how your cock fills my tight pussy.” Natty says as her pale ass bounces and ripples with each thrust. You look into her eyes full of desperation and need.

“You're such a dirty slut now,” you say to Natty. Her pussy grips you fighter as if she liked it. So as you thrust you test your hypothesis.

“Who'd have thought that you'd be so into such filth? Trying to get off in public love? When we met you were Miss Prim and Proper Princess now you're a common whore.” you say. Tears begin to flow from Natty’s eyes as her pupils roll back into her head. When you see tears though you automatically stop.

When Natty comes back to her senses and calms down she asks, “Why did you stop?”

“Because you were crying. Look I'm all for pushing boundaries and finding kinks but I draw the line tears.” you say which makes Natty feel even safer with you. She begins to cry and lets out how she doesn't deserve you and how you're too good for her.

“Natty um where is this coming from?” you ask confused not expecting this to be the conversation of the hour.

“You're always there for me and I have not once been to a seminar or a dig site for you, and it tears me up. I haven't even had time to go to one of your galleries.” Natty adds.

You shrug, “Why are you worried about that? You are busy with almost endless schedules and performances.” you say to comfort her as you hold her. Natty’s eyes are still misty as the two of you spend the rest of the night eating chocolate and cuddling.

#kpop fanfic #fanfic #male reader #kiss of life #kiss of life natty #natty #natty smut #kpop smut

475 notes · View notes

yesimwriting · 3 months

Note

pleaseee write smth about that fight between Felix and reader

a/n i've been thinking about this scene for days so when i saw this ask i got so hyped

warnings: reader being AFAB/female is plot relevant (reader's father has always wanted a son), implied emotional/financial parental abuse (not described in too much detail), potentially inaccurate portrayal of early-ish 2000's phones bc i was a toddler during their oxford era, hurt/comfort

we're getting into reader's background!!

itallic texts = from felix, bold texts = from reader

There's a scratch embedded into the dark mahogany. It's small, no wider than something you could make with your finger nail.

"How's your food?"

Your attention shifts towards the ceramic plate that's almost covering the dining table's only blemish. "It's good," you mumble with a slight nod, fork instinctually jabbing at a piece of food without you even looking at it. "Yours?"

"Great," he hums casually, cutting into his steak. "Part of the reason I picked this hotel is because of the restaurant. The visiting chef's a guy that I met in New York when he was looking into financing an international expansion of his franchise."

You bring your utensil to your lips. "That's cool, daddy."

The comment only strengthens the question that's been silently ebbing at your mind since your father first suggested lunch. Why did he order room service instead of taking you to the hotel's restaurant? Your dad has always loved the ambiance, the leisure of sitting in a nice restaurant.

"Is that why you're in town?" You reach for your glass, taking a sip of your drink before continuing. "To finalize something with the chef?"

He sets down his knife. "That and a few other business arrangements that needed to be checked on." He pauses, shoulders relaxing. "And to see you, too, Ace. It feels like it's been awhile since we talked."

Your lips quirk into what's almost a smile. When your father called to let you know that he'd be staying near Oxford for work and that he wanted you to visit, you had been apprehensive at first. Your mother was cautiously supportive of the idea.

Things with your father have been relatively stable recently. He liked the way no university seemed off limits to you with your grades and extracurriculars. He loved the idea of a daughter studying abroad at Oxford (which, is part of the reason you seriously considered Princeton for some time). And he's been drinking less. Part of that whole reborn, second marriage to a late-20-something methodist thing.

"Yeah, dad," you agree, as sincerely as you can manage, "It's been awhile."

"You know I'm friends with one of your deans." He doesn't give you a chance to reply. "We had coffee together, and he told me you're on track to finish in the top 10%." Rumors about the top percentages had been circling around Oxford for the past month. Still, it's relieving to know. "Congratulations, Ace."

This time, your smile meets your eyes. "Thanks."

He smiles, a flash of something practiced and charming. "When I get home, the first thing I'm doing is picking out a gift to send to you."

"If you need time, you can always wait and give it to me over the summer."

The infamous summer. Your mother is going to be spending most of the summer volunteering for an organization that brings counseling to children that have survived traumatic experiences but can't affording therapy. Your father suggested that you stay with him for a little while so that you wouldn't have to spend an entire two months in an empty house.

He stretches an arm like he wants to pick up his fork, but decides against it. "I--I want to tell you something." His tone is softer now, almost hesitant. "But you have to promise not to cry."

You try to swallow around the lump in your throat, body familiar with the command. "Okay?"

"I don't know if this summer's going to work out the way we talked about." He taps his fingers against the surface of the table. Your eyes lock on the scratch marring the wood. "Things have gotten complicated."

"Complicated?"

Your father sighs. "I'm sure you've noticed Christine's not here." You can't bring yourself to react at the mention of your step-mother's name. "She isn't in--she isn't in the best condition to travel." The tapping continues. "Christine's pregnant. She's due in early June, and she isn't having an easy time. I think it'd be best to not do anything that could potentially be stressful."

Oh.

"It's a boy."

Oh. A boy. With his perfect wife, in his perfect penthouse on the Upper East Side. Of course. Of fucking course.

You can't breathe right or thing of the way you're supposed to react. All you can do is stare at the scratch. At the only thing that indicates that anything bad has ever happened to the table.

"You promised you wouldn't cry." The words feel far. "You look too much like your mother when you cry."

That seems to force you back to earth. Any and all reminders of your mother must be eradicated in his presence. "I know. I'm not going to cry." You blink once, hand moving to wipe away tears you refuse to let spill. "Congratulations."

He's quiet for a moment, pressing his lips together, before finally settling on a perfunctory, "Thank you." After a beat of silence, he continues, "Were you planning on staying tonight? I was thinking of flying back early, but I can--"

"Oh, no," you shake your head once, "I actually have a lot of homework, so it's probably better for me to get back."

Your father nods, "Always the academic, Ace." He pushes his seat back. "If you're done eating, I can walk you to the lobby and have my driver take you back."

"Yeah," you push back your own seat and stand, "Sounds good."

The two of you reach the front doors of the suite. "Hey," your father starts, "Why don't you travel this summer? That's all I did during college breaks. I'll pay so you can do it up right. You should go somewhere with a friend. Paris, maybe. You two always had fun as kids."

You nod once, trying to keep your expression neutral. "Yeah, daddy, I'll ask Paris about what she's doing this summer."

"Good." He pauses at the door, reaching into the pocket of his slacks. He pulls out his wallet and counts out a few bills. "Here. A pre-gift." You hesitate. "C'mon, top 10%."

Your mother's voice rings in your ears. He won't change, you might as well take the money. You stretch out a hand, forcing a smile as you take the cash. "Thanks."

----

Stupid. You're so fucking stupid.

You really thought you'd be there all weekend. You really thought Christine would let you into her home for longer than a day or two.

And the pregnancy thing? That--that's going to get back to your mom in one way or another if you don't tell her. And hearing that, hearing that your dad's finally getting his son is going to kill her.

It's all you've been thinking about since you got back yesterday afternoon. After mumbling a halfhearted explanation to your roommate, you changed into some pajama shorts and a giant T-shirt that you only realized was Felix's after the fact and crawled into bed. You've moved as little as possible since.

Something near the foot of your bed buzzes, snapping you back to the present. You flip the phone open, immediately noticing three text notifications. From Felix.

hope ur weekend's going better than mine

lovie

i feel abandoned

Despite your angst, you smile to yourself before sending a response: it's been one day.

After a minute, there's another text on your screen: so it's a crime to miss u. You roll your eyes, fondness pooling in your stomach. how are u doing.

The second question, though sincere, forces you to spiral. You want to be honest. You don't lie to Felix and he doesn't lie to you.

But, everything comes with exceptions, and making sure no one finds out how tense things actually are with your dad is yours. Before you two got close, it felt too private, and once you finally did, a few comments from Felix's friends made you feel like the worst thing you could do for your friendship was let him see any kind of darkness.

It's not that he'd judge you, he'd just want to help you so badly that it'd take over everything else. Farleigh's made it clear that Felix loves a charity case. And you don't want to be that. You won't let your dad take that from you, either.

You want to say that you're fine, maybe text a comment about things being a little awkward because it's no secret that your mom took care of you after the divorce. But lying about being on campus feels like something that could easily morph into something else.

Felix, who actually has enough of a social life to pull sleazy moves like that never has. i'm sick. came home early.

ur back!

why didn't u tell me

i'm sick, can't hang out

are u ok

do u need anything

Guilt prods at you. You've been texting him on and off since yesterday and never mentioned that you came back early. Felix is always so good to you. But, you're in no place to see him. no just need rest

You shut your phone. You're not sure that saying you're sick is enough to keep Felix away all weekend, but it could be enough to keep him away tonight. It's Saturday night. He'll have plans.

And tomorrow, you'll feel better. More stable.

"I have some time before I'm supposed to go to Jake's. I stole some bread from the dining hall." Nadia's offer is gentle. "Do you want to go feed the ducks?"

You wipe at your face. "That's a really nice offer, Nadia, but I'm feeling a little sick. Maybe when you get back?"

She frowns. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," you mumble, "I just need some sleep."

"You've been sleeping on and off since yesterday afternoon." Nadia hesitates, eyes darting towards the bathroom. She does need to start getting ready for her date. "Maybe you can call Felix later? It's Saturday night, you know there's some terribly exclusive, not meant for any of us ordinaries party he's dying to take you to."

The attempt at humor is enough to get you to roll onto your side. "Since when do you like Felix?"

To be fair, Nadia's never disliked Felix. Before you became friends with him, she had a bit of a crush on him in that way that all freshmen girls at Oxford do. After you started hanging out with him all the time, that crush turned into an awareness that fueled her worry. She's always implied her concern that he'd eventually hurt you.

"I've never not liked him," she mumbles, "I was just scared he'd break your heart, but, the last couple of times he's come over...something about the way he looks at you."

"So you finally accepted we're just friends?"

She walks towards the bathroom, "Didn't say that."

You roll your eyes, letting yourself rest on your back. You shut your eyes, trying to force out any thoughts of the outside world as you drift off.

The familiar creek of the hinges of your room's door pulls you back to reality slowly.

"Took you long enough." Nadia's voice. "All she does is sleep and mope. She didn't even want to go feed the ducks today."

"She loves feeding the ducks." Another familiar, much more moving voice. You manage to move, wiping at your eyes as you sit up.

"I know!"

You finally sit up, blinking your eyes as your vision adjusts. Felix. He's standing in near the foot of your bed. "Felix--I-I told you I'm fine. Just a little sick."

"Nadia called and told me the opposite."

You turn your head to glare at you roommate, who doesn't even have the decency to look ashamed. "You stole my phone and called him?"

"I had to," she defends. "All you do is sleep and cry, and you've been like this since you came back yesterday."

Felix's expression drops as soon as the final word comes out. Your eyes widen, head shaking as subtly as possible as if a too late warning will erase the sentence from existence.

"Wait," his voice is softer than you've ever heard it, "You've been back since yesterday and you didn't tell me?"

You swallow, unable to look away from Felix.

"I--I have to go." Nadia's announcement breaks through the stiff silence. "I'll be back sometime tomorrow, so um..." She turns away, swinging an overnight bag over her shoulder before disappearing out the door. You can't blame her for running out as soon as possible.

"Felix," your voice is low, gravely, "Darling."

"Don't." His eyebrows pinch together, sadness tinging his expression. It doesn't fit him. "Why--why wouldn't you tell me you were here?"

You sit up a little straighter, wiping at your eyes with the back of your palm. "I told you I'm sick. I'm not up for anything right now."

Felix is still watching you with that kicked puppy look. "That doesn't--" He cuts himself off with a sigh. "You know I don't care if you don't want to do anything. We can--we can just sit or-or talk, or read or--do nothing." Felix presses his lips together, "I thought you knew that."

You know he's right, and that makes it harder to look at him. Felix would have been a sweetheart about it. He would have let you mope, cry even, and he would've spent the entire time holding you. It should have been easy to tell Felix, instinctual...and yet...

Your eyes briefly shut. "I do." The admission's painful to get out. Some of your hesitation was over the way Felix reacts to tragedy, but the rest is something more personal. Telling Felix would have solidified it. Would have made that label of 'abandoned child' that you've always been so wary about permanent. "It's more than that."

"Then what is it?"

Sighing, you push yourself to the edge of your bed. "My head hurts, I need a Tylenol."

Your words and movements are drowsy as you push yourself to stand. Felix takes a partial step forward before forcing himself to freeze into place. It's hard not to help you.

"Then what is it?"

You push open the bathroom door. "I don't--I don't know." It's a weak attempt at dismissing the conversation before things go to a place that you can't handle right now. "I couldn't get the words out." Still can't.

You find the pill bottle you were looking for on the bathroom counter and start working at twisting off the childproof cap. "We tell each other everything eventually." His voice is dry, almost hesitant. "At least, I do. We trust each other."

Your eyes shut as you sigh, fingers briefly releasing the top of the bottle. "Maybe that's not trust. Maybe that's your life being so perfect there's nothing you need to keep secret."

The words come out in a rush, angry and sharp. Regret floods through you instantly. "I'm sorry."

"No." The syllable is hard. "No. You're not. Don't do that. Don't--don't start saying what you think I need to hear--or keeping in what you think I don't." There's a concerned anger there, an unfitting combination that you don't have the energy to decode. "What could be so bad you can't tell me? We know about Ollie's parents and that didn't change anything, did it?"

Actually, things did change a little. Oliver's broken home life seemed to only make Felix want to pull Oliver into his world even more. You hate thinking it, because it's insensitive and a little mean, but of course Oliver was willing to give Felix all the gritty details.

After the initial implications came out, Felix devoured them with the same silver spoon that was placed in his mouth at birth. In a way, Felix's desire to fix and ease pain brought them closer together. And it probably means more to Oliver coming from Felix than anyone else.

But your relationship with Felix is different. You don't want sadness and coddling to be what makes you feel certain in your bond with Felix. You want things to stay the same. You don't want to give your dad anyway to change one of the most important connections in your life.

"You have a big heart, Felix, and I love that about you." Your hand reaches for the Tylenol again. "But I don't want you helping me to become all that I am to you. I don't want to be a charity case." You squeeze your eyes shut, cringing at your wording. "And--and I'm not trying to say that Ollie's just a charity case, it's that--some stuff Farleigh's said and--" Tears are pricking the edge of your vision.

"You're more than that," he scoffs the words out like it's ridiculous he even has to say that, "Of course you're more than that, I thought you knew." He scoffs. "I--I don't just wait around for people."

You scoff, the sound almost a bitter laugh. "Oh--so now it's not about trust, it's about your ego. That I don't just sit around next to my phone, waiting for the Felix Catton to call me."

Felix takes a step forward, "It's not about that!" You raise your eyebrows, uncertainty leaving you frozen. Felix has never yelled at you before. "...It's not about that," he repeats, voice a more acceptable volume. He takes another step forward, his fingers finding your forearm. "You know how I meant it."

There's a tension in the way he's touching your arm. It's nothing harsh, if anything it's almost too soft. Hesitant. He's watching you with an intensity that pins you into place more than his actual hold.

You wouldn't be surprised by his anger, you're not even sure you'd be able to blame him for it, but that's not what you see when you look at him. You can't exactly read the look behind his eyes, but something about it reminds you of Nadia's earlier comment.

It's heavy. Too heavy for you to think about tonight. That's how Felix is. He's intense. All consuming. When all you do is blink at him, he lets go of your arm.

"Felix."

His eyes dart towards the ground, body angling itself away from you.

It's subtle, and not a direct dismissal, but after everything that's already happened, it's enough to serve as a final nail hammered into your chest. "I don't want things to change between us." You sigh, finally getting the pill bottle's lid to pop off. "Because I'm fine."

You force a smile, but there's a tightness to your features that makes it feel like a grimace. "It's not a big deal. So my dad asked me not to come home this summer, because his wife's pregnant and he doesn't want to 'stress her out'. I'm fine." You can feel the tears welling in your eyes. "Y'know it's a b-oy." Your voice cracks on the last word, a laugh or maybe a sob interrupting the single syllable. "So um...good for him, he's finally getting his son."

Felix is watching you cautiously, expression not quite sympathetic, but not relaxed either. "Oh my god, I have to tell my mom. And it--it's going to kill her." You gasp the words like the realization's just hit you, even though it's been on your mind since the beginning. "I don't know why I said that like I'm surprised--because I--" You laugh, the sound shrill and uneasy, "But it's whatever. I'm fine."

You nod once, as if that'll be enough to make you feel fine. Another sound comes out, this one a lot closer to a whimper. "I'm fine. I don't know why I'm being so dramatic. I'm fine. I'm--" You squeeze your arms around your waist, supporting yourself the way Felix usually would.

You're crying openly now, tears blinding you. This is pathetic. You need to get it together.

You're pulled forward with no warning, your body hitting something solid and warm. Felix.

His arms around you, firm and supportive. It's surprising enough to force a full breath of air into your lungs. For a moment, all there is Felix. You inhale again, and again, doing your best to hold the air in your lungs.

Felix's hand smooths circles against your back. He whispers soothing words that you can barely make out. Between that and the even rhythm of his heart, you manage to ground yourself.

"You don't have to be nice to me right now," you mumble into his shirt. "I was really mean to you."

He continues to trace patterns against your spine. "We don't have to talk about that right now."

"I know," you whisper, "I just--I don't want you to feel like you can't be mad at me."

He gently smooths your hair away from your face. "Can I be mad from right here?"

"Yeah." You sniffle once, letting your chin press into his chest so that you can look up at him. "If you want to."

"Then okay," he mumbles, knuckles running up and down the length of your spine, "I'll be mad from right here."

----

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains @ker0senebunny

#bestfriend!felix x reader #bestfriend!felix #saltburn x reader #felix catton #felix catton x reader #jacob elordi #jacob elordi x reader

449 notes · View notes

hardlyinteresting · 3 months

Text

Personal

Aaron Hotchner x reader

A case hits a little too close to home for the reader. Hotch makes sure she knows she not alone even as they struggle to decide if they're colleagues, friends, or something more.

Warnings: female reader, (I've given her the nickname Sweets), No physical description of reader, mildly graphic descriptions of injuries, cannon-compliant themes of violence, themes of past domestic violence, mild hurt/comfort, I am not a profiler so there are likely mistakes in the profile (please let me know if there are any warnings you'd like me to add. Aaron Hotchner Masterlist | Send Requests

Word count: 3.2K

"Hope is a gift. You can't choose to have it. To believe and yet to have no hope is to thirst beside a fountain" Ann-Marie MacDonald

The case comes in early in the morning. Aaron has hardly managed a sip of his coffee when the phone rings with a call from a local P.D. in Aberdeen, Virginia. It's urgent. It always is. He cannot begrudge the haste with which his job forces him to chug down the scalding liquid in his mug as he calls upon Garcia to prep the relevant files for the case. It's not the first time, and it certainly won't be the last. Sufficiently caffeinated (albeit with a burnt tongue), and briefed on the case, Hotch calls the team to meet him in the conference room.

His colleagues seem to be in good spirits today. With a passing glance around the room Hotch silently completes a behavioural checklist for each of them in his mind. No one on the team seems over-exhausted, overtly anxious, or withdrawn. They chat amongst themselves, teasing and joking like siblings as they wait for him to settle into the remaining seat at the table. He nods at Penelope, “Garcia, let's get started”. With a quick “yes, sir,” she presses a button on the remote to begin the briefing.

This morning the police in Aberdeen discovered the body of a woman left propped up against the wall outside a local medical clinic. Abigail Lawson. 27 years old. She had been badly beaten. A single stab wound. No sign of sexual assault.

“Cause of death?” Prentiss asks.

“Blunt force trauma to the head,” Garcia supplies the response.

“And she's the first?” Morgan follows up.

“Two weeks ago Stella Amos, twenty-five, was admitted to hospital with similar injuries. She passed away two hours later. A punctured lung”.

The photographs of the injuries are disturbing. After years on the job, the images never seem to get less brutal. A chill travels down his spine as he looks over the extent of the wounds on both of the women. A hush falls over the room as everyone else takes a moment to swallow down their own shock and compartmentalize their feelings of disgust. They train themselves, scanning the photographs and notes for the facts they can work with in hopes of saving anyone else from meeting the same fate.

“No stab wound. Are we sure these cases are connected?” Reid surveys the provided facts one more time.

“Similar age, hair colour. They were from the same neighbourhood. Steady jobs,” Rossi lists, “there's a pattern in victimology to be sure”.

“They could be unconnected acts of domestic violence,” Morgan posits before continuing, “but leaving these women at medical centres is unique. Could be remorse”.

“A man who beats women within an inch of their lives before dropping them off for medical attention. It's a big risk. Knowing they might survive to identify him”.

Hotch nods at the assessment. He had followed the same thought process himself when he got the call.

“Maybe he's banking on them being too afraid to talk if they do pull through,” another voice in the room speaks up for the first time this morning. Sweets, the team calls her. An affectionate nickname that’s stuck since her first week on the team. “the stabbing is an escalation and these are high-risk victims. This UNSUB isn't worried about getting caught. These attacks are personal to him somehow”. It's an important assertion, and something they'll need to consider as they build and expand their working profile.

He's glad to hear Sweets adding to the conversation. She's never been shy when contributing to the team's brainstorms, and he had begun to worry when it had taken her so long to speak up. He doesn't miss the wobble in her tone, or the way she now avoids eye contact. She’s a valuable team member, and despite being the most recent addition she’s settled herself flawlessly over the last year. Aaron is well aware of the poor retention rate for new team members in the BAU and has continued to be impressed by her ability to hang on to her brand of optimism and take their most difficult cases in stride. She’s worked hard to see the best in people, and unsurprisingly endeared herself to those around her; himself included.

At first, Hotch had been grateful for her unique perspective from her experience working for victim services. Then, he grew to appreciate her attention to detail, and the way his piles of paperwork seemed smaller and smaller at the end of each week. She quickly became a friend and a confidant after long nights in the office, and the field. Now, their relationship lies in limbo somewhere between friends and something more.

Lately, the tugging at his heartstrings has grown nearly painful. All the old cliches leave his heart racing and he feels like a teenager whenever her hand brushes against his own. A night out with the team had ended with her curled up in his bed the next morning, and he’s been a goner ever since. It's been weeks, she hasn’t mentioned it, so neither has he. The guise of professionalism makes it easy to shove down his insecurities, and recurring fears; his age; his scars, physical and metaphorical; the weight of his career; he pushes them to the back of his mind. He does not dare to hope. He does not allow himself to consider the reasons why she might want to keep him at arm's length. It hurts less that way. “Whatever the case we've got a week before he strikes again,” Hotch confirms, his mind focused on the case, “we should head out”.

It’s August, and the sun is nearly blinding; the heat and humidity are intolerable, but nobody complains as they split up between the most recent crime scene, the morgue, and the precinct. Hotch would never admit it, but he’s glad when the woman who occupies half his thoughts volunteers to head to the station with JJ. Not for his peace of mind, but hers. Driving into the town he had seen her hands fidgeting in the back seat of the Suburban. Something about this case is already weighing on her, and he doubts the discomfort of the summer calefaction will be much help. He tries not to think about it any more than that.

The crime scene doesn’t tell them much more than they already knew. There’s no security footage to help them identify the UNSUB. But, the way he leans the victims to sit against the way rather than just dumping them shows some kind of warped sense of concern for their well-being. The women are likely substitutes for someone else. He was likely raised in a violent home. He can only hope that the rest of the team has managed to learn more.

Sweets is glad that the station had the forethought to move a coffee maker into the room they’ve set up for the BAU team to work out of. In her short time on the team, she’s learned how essential caffeine is to the function of herself and her teammates. Not enjoying coffee is not an option. Cream and sugar make it tolerable to those who despise the bitter taste. As she preps her second cup of the day she watches Spencer dump 4 packets of sugar into his mug. Whatever gets you through the case. She reminds herself.

“Defensive wounds on her arms, but her manicure wasn't chipped. There was no blood or skin under her fingernails. No bruising on her knuckles,” Morgan shares what he and Rossi learned at the morgue, “She held her arms up to protect herself, but she didn't fight back. She didn't scratch, claw, or punch her assailant”.

“She probably knew him then,” Prentiss says, “He’s not sneaking up on these women. But, he has the advantage and control required to attack them head-on”.

The profile continues to build and Sweets pulls further in on herself. The personal nature of the attacks leaves her nauseous. Flickers of memories she’s fought hard to forget flash behind her eyes, but she forces herself to stay in the room. Reign it in, she wills herself. Without looking across the room she knows Aaron’s eyes are on her. Her cheeks warm though she can’t be sure if it’s his gaze or her anxiety to blame. She tries not to read into it, not wanting to feel too self-important. It’s his job to watch everyone on the team, she knows that. It doesn’t mean anything, she reminds herself the same way she has since she woke up next to him all those weeks ago. She doesn't want attention because she slept with him, and she'd be silly to think it meant anything to him anyway. It's easier to ignore it. He hasn't mentioned it, so she hasn't either.

Despite her best efforts, she does like him. More than she should. Normally, the attention would leave her with butterflies fluttering in her chest, like a schoolgirl with a crush. But today, she feels too seen, too exposed. she focuses her attention on controlling the unwanted emotions this case continues to dredge up. Aaron has seen her undressed, he’s seen her let down her walls and crack jokes. He knows her better than the rest of the team, but this is not a side of her he needs to see.

Under the table she plants her feet, pressing the soles of her boots hard against the linoleum. She reminds herself who she’s with and why she’s here. When she’s able to breathe without gagging she speaks up, “If it looks like domestic violence maybe that’s exactly what it is”. Hotch’s head tilts up, his eyes moving off of the files he’s been pretending to read for the hundredth time, “What do you mean?”

“This morning Morgan said these murders looked like cases of DV. Maybe that’s exactly what this is. We know he had some kind of relationship with the victims-- maybe they were dating him,” Sweets holds her breath waiting for a response.

“It would help to explain the gaps in our profile-- Prentiss, call Garcia and have her look into any recent purchases by the victims. New clothes, new shoes, restaurants, anything that might suggest they’ve been dating,” Hotch instructs, “Sweets, you and JJ should speak to their friends and family; ask if they’ve mentioned anyone new in their lives”.

Like with any case, she hopes her insight helps, that her perspective and thinking might get them one step closer to finding the UNSUB before anyone else gets hurt; and that they might be able to bring closure to the families of the victims.

She's learned that personal experience can help as much as it can hinder. Seeing things from an angle that no one else can is certainly an advantage, but it doesn't make it easy to live with either. But, her stomach churns. His face. His touch. The bruises he left behind. She tries to remember she has nothing to be ashamed of. She has nothing to hide. It's no secret everyone on the team struggles with different types of cases, JJ has always found it difficult working cases involving children, and Hotch becomes snappier when they're searching for family annihilators.

She can feel Aaron's eyes on her again. She prays the twisting in her gut and the scratching in her mind are worth it.

The next morning begins with news of a third victim. A Jane Doe was found outside the fire station. Aged between 22 and 25. Beaten beyond any kind of recognition. The M.E. will have to try to use dental records to ID her.

The crime scene photographs are a gruesome addition to the already horrific crime board in the conference room. “It would take an incredible amount of rage and power to beat someone to death like this,” Rossi points out.

Hotch’s fingers buzz. His usual ground method of rubbing his thumb and forefinger together isn't working. He clenches and unclenches his fist willing the memory of bone cracking, and blood splattering beneath his knuckles away. He hates that even years after his death George Foyet continues to find new ways to sink his teeth in; the mere memory of him is enough to leave bile rising in the back of Aaron's throat.

Their profile is ready. A white male, mid 20s to early 30s. Traditionally attractive. He's well-groomed and takes pride in his appearance. He more than likely works in an office setting. At work, his desk is neat and well-organized. He does everything by the book. He aspires to a role above his own and will talk about it often. In his eyes, he's overworked and under-appreciated; but, in reality, it's his quick temper and outward frustration that have kept him in his menial role. He may be flirtatious towards the women around him but likely won't pay them any attention when it comes to business matters. As a child he would have grown up in a working-class household, and more than likely faced abuse at the hands of his father. As a teenager, he learned to place blame on his mother for this abuse and began looking down on her the same way his father did. But no amount of hatred could ever win him his father's attention. This made him hate his mother more and allowed his misogynistic views to solidify in adulthood. He will have a history of violence throughout school and early adulthood, and more than likely charges for battery or assault.

A call from Garcia confirms that the first and second victims both had paid for dinners at restaurants within the same two-block stretch despite living and working on opposite sides of town. Their cards had been used at the restaurants only 25 minutes before their attacks.

“And he didn’t pay for their dinners either. Chivalry really is dead,” Prentiss dismisses. Predictably, their collective disdain for the UNSUB continues to grow as they learn more about him. Penelope manages to rustle up security footage from one of the restaurants, she's unable to get a facial ID on the man leaving with the first victim but promises to search for other footage from the area and call back when she has a new lead. One step closer, Hotch reminds himself.

Twenty minutes later word from the M.E. Office arrives. A positive ID on Jane Doe. Grace McKinney, 24. Aaron watches as Sweets pins a photograph of Grace to the victims' board. Her hands shake as she takes a step back, and then she's rushing out of the room before he can ask if she's alright.

His body feels lead-heavy, his limbs so hebetudinous that he’d swear he was melting into the floor if it weren’t for his feet carrying him out of the room without instruction. Sweets is doubled over in the alleyway behind the station, remnants of her breakfast splashed across the ground. She has nothing left to bring up, but still she dry heaves as if trying to expel more than the contents of her stomach. He knows the feeling.

“Sweets?” his voice starles her, and Hotch is quick to hold his hands out in a surrendering motion as he approaches, “Are you alright?” He knows the real answer, and he knows that she’ll look right at him and lie; but he asks anyway. “Are you asking as my boss, or as my friend?” She asks. “Would it make a difference?” it’s his turn to wonder. Finally close enough to touch her, he places a hand on her back. It’s impossible to miss the shiver that runs up her spine. Sweets hides her face, angling herself away from her, shrinking in on herself. She tries to hide from him, as unwilling as ever to show any kind of weakness real or perceived. “I’m asking as someone who cares,” Hotch tries again, snuffing out the burning sensation that seems to grow in his chest; his fear of vulnerability fighting hard to shut him down. He won’t let it. “It’s me,” she tells him as if it’s obvious. “Yes”. He's confused. Of course, it's her, he can see her standing right in front of him. “It's me. I'm the Jane Doe; Grace. Abigail. Stella”. His heart stops. She continues, looking at him for the first time, her eyes tearing up, “Not literally-- I just mean…”

“The victimogy. I understand. Same age, hair colour, similar backgrounds--”

“Yes,” She admits, “but we see cases with women who look like me all the time”.

Aaron nods, taking her openness as an opportunity to guide her out of the alleyway, waiting patiently for her to continue in her own time. “I had a boyfriend a few years ago…I just-- I need some time to collect myself”.

Again, Aaron nods, understanding, “Would you like me to leave?”

She shakes her head, her hand shooting up to hold to his arm. She’s shaking less now than she was before. More than ever he wants to hold her, but he doesn’t want to overstep; and during a case, there are lines he cannot cross as her boss. It’s the crux of the predicament they’ve found themselves in. Their personal lives and feelings bleeding and blending to create this strait. Deep down, he’s sure that a line of open communication between them would ease this impasse, but he’s far too shy to suggest it. For now, he settles for being glad her breathing has slowed, and her tears have stopped. “Thank you,” Sweets breathes out. Her hand slips down to squeeze his before she lets go and steps away from him. “Anytime,” he swears. He means it.

They find their UNSUB three hours later. Garcia’s scanning of security footage gives them a few license plates from cars within a two-block radius of the restaurants the victims went to. Only one owner fits their profile. He’s at work when they find him. Sweets takes great pleasure in cuffing the man. Hotch has no complaints.

When they arrive back in Quantico it’s nearing midnight. The team takes their leaving swearing they’ll finish their paperwork tomorrow morning. Sweets takes advantage of the rare silence in the bullpen to complete her reports. She’s not ready to go home. Not yet. At work, she has a shield, a carefully crafted persona; as cracked as it may be at the moment, it holds back the onslaught of personal fallout she’s sure waits for her at home. Sure her apartment is warmer and cozier than the office ever is. Her bed is far more comfortable than any desk chair. But, at home, she has nothing to distract her. At home, she has no obligation to maintain a facade sewn up by professional self-preservation. At home, she’ll be alone without the steady presence of Aaron Hotchner working away in his office.

The room is bathed in warm lamplight, a comfortable difference from the overhead fluorescents down in the bullpen. Something like a moth, she’s drawn to it by an instinct stronger than her willpower. She knocks on the door frame before leaning into the room. “I finished my report,” she tells him when he looks up. “You didn’t have to finish that tonight,” he tells her with furrowed brows. He sets down his pen and shuts the file he was working on to give her his attention. She steps into the room, setting her report on the edge of his desk. “I didn’t want to go home yet”. She explains though she gets the feeling that he understands. If there’s anyone she knows with a mutual streak of using workplace responsibility to avoid personal turmoil, it’s Hotch. Still, he nods, validating her most simply. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Are you asking as my boss or something more?” she wonders.

“Would it make a difference?” He asks. “Yes,” She responds. Sweets watches as he swallows, his brows knitting together as he considers his answer carefully, “I’m asking as someone who cares about you very much, in whatever capacity you need me to right now”. It’s a diplomatic response. Gentle and inviting without being outright hopeful. Quintessentially Aaron Hotchner.

“Will you come home with me,” Sweets allows herself to be bold enough to ask.

“Yes,” he tells her simply.

In the morning he slips away only to return with two cups of coffee and a box of breakfast pastries. They don’t need to be in the office until 10:00 and he plans on taking advantage of the time they have together until then. Sweets accepts the cup he holds out to her with an eager smile, and a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #hotch x reader #criminal minds fic

295 notes · View notes

greenboyfriend · 1 month

Text

choose a fantastic green thing (tarot reading)

"what do you need to know?" image 1: ahh, a classic. woman with fish. iridescent fish, no less. image 2: women want him, men want to be him. whether you love him or hate him, you can't deny... he is a bug. image 3: the bowl. image source not everything may resonate with you, and that's ok! take what does & leave the rest. don't force it.

1.・。.・゜✭

hello friends. what a nice pull! you may be giving or receiving a gift as an act of charity or kindness. it seems like you’re unaware of something, but it’s not a bad thing. consider it blissful ignorance. it may be wise to stay in this state, shunning negativity/corruption. also, some of you may be dealing with children/ a child? maybe someone is having a baby?!

nevertheless, you’re trusting your intuition at this time, and it’s serving you. however, you may be a bit apprehensive about a change/transition you’re going through. know that it’ll happen no matter what you do! you’ll have to eliminate excess one way or another, cutting down to the bare essentials. it’s scary to go through change where you’re unsure what will happen, but you’ve got to do it at some point.

and anyway, you’ve got your intuition at your side. tune in with yourself however you know best, whether that be taking a walk outside, listening to your favorite song, etc, it will help you to regroup.

being sympathetic and loving towards others will also work in your favor. try to open up, and give others what you would like to receive yourself. “forgiving and forgetting” may also be relevant for some of you.

(6 of cups, death reversed, ace of cups)

2.・。.・゜✭

holy FUCK, you need to pump the brakes. holy FUCK, whatever it is, SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!! four of swords literally came flying out of the deck before i even got the chance to shuffle. take this as the universe/your future self urging you, begging you, pleading on hands and knees, to CHILL OUT!

yes, we all know you are very determined and forthright. yes, we all know it, and we all know that has turned out very well for you in other situations. however. at this point, you’re gambling whether things will go your way, and you can tell. loosen your grip on those reigns! resting ain’t so bad!! not every moment needs to be jam packed with activities.

i feel like you know that, but you don’t want to accept that it’s true, or can’t. despite this, you’re feeling the effects. the 10 of swords spells exhaustion & burn out– finding yourself depleted, full of swords, and on the ground (in vain); all the while, the call for action has not even arrived yet.

consider yourself. if you need to have a goal, think of it this way: how can you most effectively relax? what activities (or lackthereof) will make you feel the most refreshed when the time comes to get moving again? in a sense, take all the anxious energy you’re feeling, and put it to use by taking care of yourself. you’re not going to be able to succeed in the way you want to if you’re completely exhausted from ignoring your own needs.

so relax! if you’re not sure how, beg the universe for help. that’s what i did, and now, i have a cat.

(the chariot reversed, 4 of swords, knight of swords, 2 of wands, 10 of wands)

3.・。.・゜✭

your cards strike me as very sweet, my bowl lovers… after going through a trauma in your past, you’re working towards healing by opening up to those around you. now is a great time to be intimate, and not just in the romance way! maybe you’re interested in moving forwards with this, but you aren’t sure which path (which person/people, perhaps) to take. not to fear, however!! page of cups is here! let your heart/intuition lead you, and don’t be afraid to have some fun with it.

consider your emotions exactly as they are: does this person make you feel happy? secure? take your knee jerk reactions and mix them with your observations. after that, the choice should be clear.

six of swords is not always the most fun of cards (typically denoting healing, sloughing through the slop, ect) but trust that where you’re going certainly is… a blast, that is!! it may be a celebration you’re heading towards, but more than anything, it seems like you’ll gain a new sense of freedom. with the page of cups and six of swords present, this is likely how you approach your feelings & relationships, and how they’ve been impacted by your past. expect to shed some light on these patterns, and even overcome them entirely!*

these last two cards cement this message. if you go after what you want, you’re certain to meet success! it can be scary, and it might take a while, but keep trying! you can do this!!!

*for the time being, anyway. progress is not linear! sometimes it's 2 steps forwards to go 1 step back and that's ok!!!

(4 of wands reversed, page of cups, 6 of swords, 7 of cups reversed)

(pulled later: 6 of wands reversed, page of pentacles)

Ws all around my friends

#tarot #tarotblr #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarot cards #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #pac #spirituality #witchblr #spiritual #witchcraft #witch community #pick an image

191 notes · View notes

yuri-for-businesswomen · 1 month

Text

i think it is very telling that the best documented case of women buying sex from men are white western women going on vacation in west african countries such as gambia to prey on impoverished and usually younger black men. it highlights that prostitution - any prostitution - is an exertion of power from a more privileged group against a less privileged group. that prostitution is a system that profits from and reinforces oppression and inequality. here, the axis of oppression is not sex, but race. its a symptom of neocolonialism, like most sex tourism.

nonetheless i always have to laugh when the articles, documentaries and research desperately try to act like female and male sex buyers are exactly the same - usually the argument hinges on the fact that the motivation is the same, companionship and sexual gratification. but male sex buyers are motivated by so much more: fetish, sadism, violence, domination. this does not tend to be the case with women. also, unwanted penetration is a different level of violence, having something inserted in you. female sex buyers dont request painful acts such as deepthroat or anal. there are no brothels full with men, the men dont have pimps, and usually in the case of female sex tourists, the arrangement is loose: companionship and sex with no fixed payment but pleasantries, gifts and such. additionally, women dont tend to be able to physically overpower men, or get off on enacting violence like hitting and choking. men who prostitute themselves for women are also less stigmatised than those who do so for men, or prostituted women. and more men sell themselves to other men than to women. and: women who buy sex tend to be single, while the relationship status of a man is no indicator of likelihood to buy sex.

female sex buyers highlight that besides sex, economic class and race determine who is prostituted and who buys sex. that prostitution is an issue of intersectional inequality. and that misogyny is still the key motor of prostitution: male sex buyers are any age, any class, any race, because any man can be a misogynist. but women only become sex buyers under specific conditions; for example motivated by racist fetishisation. another key factor here is gender. buying sex is considered masculine, but women buying sex break with gender norms. consider also the orgasm gap: most women are not satisfied by their male sexual partners. hypothetically it would make more sense for women to be the majority of sex buyers to enforce sexual satisfaction they lack in consensual sexual relationships. yet privileged women who lack sexual satisfaction are more likely to prostitute or otherwise objectify themselves than buying sex.

any form of female-on-male prostitution has its male-on-female (and sometimes male-on-male) equivalent that is more violent and more common. meanwhile many forms of prostitution dont have a female-on-male version, for example prostitution in brothels. men prostituting themselves for women are at a lot less risk for physical violence and abuse or being trafficked. there is even a phenomenon of heterosexual men having to prostitute themselves for men because there is just not enough demand from women. and female-on-female prostitition is almost unheard of, if anything this occurs in a male-female-female constellation. there are no gangbang parties with one or two men and groups of women.

people are so obsessed with pretending like women as consumers in the sex industry - whether that be as sex buyers, porn watchers or stripshow enjoyers - are just the same as men when there are clear differences. gender relations are always relevant in a patriarchal system and reversed roles dont produce the same outcomes.

#mine #anti prostitution #sex matters

154 notes · View notes

canyourfavesurvivecastledracula · 1 month

Text

Mastermind

@would-we-be-friends-if-i asked:

Nathan Ford (mastermind, functioning alcoholic, father of a dead son, used to be an insurance investigator)

@pomrania writes:

The ones I'm uncertain about are Nate Ford and Hardison. [...] Nate Ford, there's a whole bunch of relevant things about him, but the thing an keeps coming to mind for me is that most of his personas (if he needs to be in character for a con) are deliberately VERY annoying, and I think it'd be fun to see how far and how long he could needle Dracula.

@r0sequarks writes:

And Nate…in many ways he is Jonathan Harked except replace the sweetness for being a manipulative bastard. He is a sad enough catholic that he would take the crucifix, but more importantly, I think he’d realize Dracula was the carriage driver and also the lack of servants, and even if he didn’t piece together the supernatural would notice something was off. I’m not sure if him picking things up sooner would help or hurt him though; either he makes it out with a similar plan to Jonathan or he takes things a step too far and gets killed before he can become a bigger hassle.

@darthlordcommie writes:

Nate: Figures out Dracula's deal, investigates properly, but can't hide his attitude enough not to be suspicious. Doesn't make it.

---------------------------------------------------

Yeah....

Nate's strength is holistic thing. He's good at people (in a very different way from how Sophie is) - he's good at seeing how things fit together in a larger system and context. I could see him doing Mina's job and succeeding wildly at it.

I can't see him doing Jonathan's job.

Nate is in many ways his own worst enemy. Not just with the alcoholism, though that doesn't help. Like, if Dracula offers him a bottle of Slivovitz for the Calèche rude, he's drinking it. (We speculated that the Slivovitz might be drugged, and Jonathan was supposed to arrive at the Castle less cogent than he in fact does. If so, bad news for Nate.) There's some wiggle in exactly where in his character development we take him from. He might just taste the Slivovitz and then pour the rest on him and pretend to be the same drunken asshole he would have been had he consumed all of it... but I don't see how this helps him materially.

He might actually refuse the crucifix. Nobody is as weird about Catholicism as Catholics, especially ex-Catholics. I guess it depends on how jaded and angry at God personally he is feeling at the time - and how hungover he is that morning.

I agree with the assessment that Nate could solve Castle Dracula. He'll pick up on the fact all the people around him are terrified all the time, and that the source if that terror is the Count himself. He'll note the huge number of crosses on the hillsides, all the active little shrines. I doubt the folks will be as aggressive about pressing gifts on him - he doesn't attract sympathy the same way a fresh-faced innocent would - but he will pay attention to all the goings on and have a fairly good idea of what he's going to, at least on a psychological/personality level, before he gets there. He will recognize immediately that the Calèche driver is playing a role and wearing a disguise - he knows a con when he sees one. So maybe he will be more cautious with the Slivovitz than I was giving him credit for. I think between one thing and another he will have a fairly accurate picture of what Dracula is like as a person before he officially meets him.

And I'm not sure this helps him at all because he will inevitably choose a persona calculated to annoy! As you say, Nate's MO is to irritate the Mark into making a mistake. But... the mistake Dracula is most likely to make is getting so mad he accidentally murders his guest and has to order a new one. Very frustrating for Dracula - absolutely fatal for Nate.

And I think Nate's problem is he can't help himself. We talked about Hardison getting cocky, but Nate very much also gets cocky in a self-destructive way. And because Dracula is very much not as clever as he thinks he is, that's going to feed Nate's cockiness, especially without his crew there coaxing him back from the brink. Nate is better at this than Dracula is... but Dracula is a vampire wizard who murders people. He doesn't have to win the other contests, he can just cheat. And he does.

You've said Nate is similar to Jonathan Harker - I couldn't disagree more. He's too sad, jaded, and Catholic. He's not the laser focus on just one thing thereby missing the bigger picture guy either - he's the opposite of that. However, I do think he's a lot like Abraham van Helsing, right down to the Dead Son Trauma. (I don't think the baby eating in the Castle would trigger gim the way it would Eliot, but I think Lucy's situation would). Not nearly as cheerful though, but every bit as Obnoxious On Purpose - and of course, an actual genius who works much much better when he has people to tell him no.

So yeah, I think Nathan Ford can not survive Castle Dracula.

#leverage #nathan ford #crooks #other white collar #leverage week

106 notes · View notes

dwreader · 3 months

Text

Actual incidents in the book that are in dispute btwn Louis and Lestat since you fuckers can't seem to read:

-Lestat wanted Louis for his plantation vs. he is in fact already rich: not really relevant to the show since show Lestat is flaunting the fact that he's extremely wealthy from the start. Louis is not under any illusion that this guy is after his wealth, HE moves into Lestat's house in fact and accepts Lestat's money/gifts/etc. Lestat is a captial p PROVIDER. He said do NOT take that away from me and it's one thing he's 100% right about.

-A cold loveless relationship depicted in IWTV vs. a more loving though still troubled "marriage" according to TVL: again, more or less moot for the show since season 1 depicts Lestat's version of their relationship more so than Louis's. They are clearly in a romantic relationship, had some good times (that were maybe glossed over quickly by Louis but are still clearly depicted through Claudia's diaries) and yet even in TVL, Lestat agrees that Louis's account was an accurate representation of the atomsphere of their decades together and that he deserved all the punishment he got.

-Lestat torturing + killing people for fun according to Louis vs. Lestat's claim that he only killed people who were "bad" and deserved it: kind of already played out on the show when Louis suggests the idea in 1x03, but ultimately it doesn't significantly alter our perception of Lestat cause does anyone actually care that prostitutes stole money from their clients and think that's a valid reason to torture and kill them? Hope not! It's just a good insight into Lestat's mind and how he justifies killing.

-The events after Lestat's murder and Paris: these parts we have to take from Lestat's POV simply because Louis is unaware of things happening when he's not present. Obviously will be a major part of Season 2.

-The scene at the end of IWTV happening or not: the most direct contradiction between the two accounts but this has not happened yet on the show so it has no bearing on anything in season 1.

As you can see, most of these contradictions involve Louis's omissions in IWTV rather than "made up" events. Save for the final scene in NOLA that doesn't actually mean anything to season 1, absolutely nothing about Louis's depiction of events in IWTV is really disputed by Lestat. Louis's turning, Claudia's turning, the "atomsphere" under which they lived leading up to Lestat's murder and Lestat's murder itself are all indisputable. Lestat is revealing more of his motivations and giving us further vampire context/knowledge that Louis didn't have (because Lestat kept it from him btw and he forgives Louis his errors because he knew it was out of enforced ignorance), but that only slightly changes our perception of his actions. It does not throw them into the trash.

It's also very clear that Season 1 is already an amalgamation of the two versions. If they were taking IWTV literally, the show wouldn't even be a romance and it clearly is. It uses Claudia's diaries (a device revealed only much later in the books) to fill in some scenes that Louis may not have been present for like the kidanpping on the train but the two perspectives make the story kind of bulletproof? The reliability or lack thereof of Louis as a narrator is made possible by Claudia's diary being there as a secondary source and when he's at his most unreliable, it's the diary that provides the contradictions. WE see something's off when the diary's pages are excised. BUT you really don't have any basis in the books for a major lifechanging event like episode 5 to be retconned, let alone an event with two people as sources and involved a prolonged recovery period that's also described in painstaking detail by said two people. Like this woman was a lazy writer most of the time but even SHE wouldn't do that cause its like a basic writing tenant not to feed your reader horseshit??

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #lestat being more self-aware than his fans.. wild #anyways fuck off now

121 notes · View notes

canonmisogynyvictimstournament · 7 months

Text

PROPAGANDA

SAKURA HARUNO (NARUTO)

1.) 1.) It is repeatedly stated throughout the series the areas in which she excels. We are told over and over again that she is gifted (early on in the series) or tremendously strong (end of the series) and yet with the exception of of the Sasori fight, there seems to be a staunch refusal to actually SHOW her being competent in a fight. 2.) her backstory ties into nothing plotwise as far as the overarching world and history of the village and its families. The three other leads (Sasuke Naruo, Kakashi) all get their own relevant backstory that gets delved into. But Sakura? Neither has one nor goes off and embroils herself personally into one of these overarching plot points. She is constantly forced to just be a companion/side character to the stories of her male counterparts. 3.) She’s given so much potential for a great powersuite and those all either go unrealized or she gets shown up by other characters. idk if this is what was meant by propaganda but its what i got

2.) Despite becoming the world’s best surgeon and doctor at age 17 (including doing open heart surgery in the middle of an active battlefield), her achievements are routinely undercut and underplayed by the canon.

It’s all the more disappointing because in some ways, she’s a very realistic and humanistic depiction of a teenage girl. Unlike her teammates, she grew up in what we would consider a pretty average family situation (two living parents who love her, even if they don’t understand her choices), and has relatively average goals at the beginning. Compared to her teammates who are orphans from dynastic ninja clans, who were basically born to a lineage of massive amounts of powerful ninja magic; Sakura’s civilian family has given her no genetic predisposition to being powerful. Despite this, she’s shown to be highly intelligent, achieving top scores on exams and having a deep knowledge for theory and concepts.

She begins the story having a crush on Sasuke Uchiha, a boy who has no interest in her, and hating Naruto, their village’s Omelas Child. However, as she works with her team, she bonds with them on a deeper level, and works very hard to meet their natural level of skill and not be deadweight on their team.

However, despite the fact that trios are treated with deep cultural and narrative significance throughout Naruto, the narrative quickly abandons the “Team 7 Trio” framing in all the ways that matter, becoming the Naruto-and-Sasuke show in all ways that matter. When Sakura gets her time to shine, she’s always undercut. Her massive physical strength and strong sense of self in Shippuden are never treated with the same reverence as her teammates’. Despite the fact that she can easily shatter rock and manipulate the ground with her sheer physical power, and that she was originally presented as good at genjutsu (illusion magic); she becomes a field medic/doctor – a carer/support role, rather than a DPS. Her decisions to advocate for herself and the people she cares about (such as trying to kill Sasuke) are treated as foolish and naive, not a heroic choice to try and help her friends at a large personal cost.

She also basically never gets to fight a man, except for one important case: Sasori. This is important, because the female characters in Naruto are routinely presented as less powerful and less of a threat than male characters. While her fight with Sasori is a fantastic arc, it ends with Sasori undercutting her victory by being like “well actually I wanted to die”, implying that he’d chosen to let her win, not that her win is well deserved. This is at the start of Shippuden, she doesn’t get a solo fight arc after that.

Of course, the most egregious thing done to Sakura is that she’s married off to Sasuke. Despite the fact that Sasuke is never once shown to give a shit about her, and the fact that her character development in a large part was about her giving up the childish and misogynistic desire to be a wife to the cute guy in her class, suddenly they’re together. Sasuke is a deadbeat husband, however, and immediately fucks off, to the point where he doesn’t recognise their child when he meets her, and tries to kill her. Sakura-the-housewife-waiting-at-the-window-for-her-husband’s-return is again now deeply in love with a man who doesn’t give a shit about her. The only photo she has of them together is shown to be a cutout of another photo of Sasuke stuck on a photo of her. She’s again trapped in a housewife box, her achievements and skill sideline to her ability to rear a child for the male lead. And worse, despite the fact she’s a very confident person who otherwise has no issue advocating for herself, she doesn’t really seem to fight back against this awful status quo in her relationship, grateful for the scraps of affection Sasuke delivers to her once a decade.

3.) Despite being on a team of three, she’s always side lined for the other two. Her whole thing is healing, then in a major arc at the end of the main series a character gets hurt and when she goes to attempt to heal them, she is pushed aside so Naruto can do his amazing magic healing that he just learned and is already better at it than her.

HINATA HYUUGA (NARUTO)

1.) When Hinata was introduced she goals, weaknesses, interesting interactions and relationships with characters other than naruto and a personality of her own. Post timeskip in shippuden, however, she was reduced down to simply ‘naruto’s future love interest’ and little else. The entire Hyuuga plotline was dropped and she no longer had any relevance or personality outside of naruto. Part 1 hinata was shy and insecure on the surface but underneath that she was determined & hardworking, even to her own detriment. Her struggles were compelling. Her interactions with neji and her family are something you look forward to seeing more of. In shippuden she’s like a flat carboard cutout of hinata. Her shyness exaggerated, her relationship with her family suddenly perfectly fine and boring. In part 1 naruto inspires her to keep trying but he isn’t the reason she’s working so hard, in shippuden he’s pretty much all she thinks about. Her change in character design really highlights these changes - the perfect little wife for cishet men to fantasise about.

2.) Her entire personality and arc is boiled down to “shy uwu waifu in love with Naruto” and basically any development she gets, which is barely at all because Kishimoto hates women, is as attributed to NARUTO and Naruto only. Even her reaction to her beloved COUSIN’S DEATH makes her be like “omg I love Naruto” and serves to further NaruHina, which is absolutely insane she would Not react like that. Naruto only starts being romantically interested in her at the beginning of like, The Last movie, which is after 500ish episodes of her being treated as the sidelined love interest who is devoted to a guy who only cares about her when she’s a damsel in distress on a fight.

There are so many parts of her character that are/could be interesting, like her part in the Hyuga Clan due to being born as a superior and her dynamic with her cousin Neji as a result, (which could have had SO many great moments of reconciliation and standing up for each other grrr grrr) an exploration of the impact of her bullying & being looked down upon (even when she’s supposed to be a superior member, which adds to the shame) LIKE MANY OF THE CAST, seriously the people Naruto trauma dumps to are mostly consisted of people unfairly treated like that and it could have been used to further NaruHina WHILE showing her struggles

She is an incredibly capable fighter but the moment Naruto is there, she instantly becomes defenseless and needs to be saved by her crush, mostly as a “wow look at him isn’t he so brave and kind to do this for her?!”

There’s an episode where she is literally used as a defenseless punching bag for Pein by trying to sacrifice herself for Naruto and telling him she loves him, JUST so he can be more angry and have more motivation to beat Pein’s ass (aside of the yknow. Killing his loved ones thing) AND her confession is ignored by Naruto for the rest of the series. Just like any moment she shows her crush for him is met with obliviousness, which would be fine if they weren’t the main couple and didn’t go on for THE ENTIRE SERIES!!!!

In Boruto, the shitty sequel, Naruto is basically her deadbeat husband in her bland lavander marriage and Boruto is rightfully mad about Naruto’s distance from the family and even says he left her basically a single mom and barely pays time to the family, and Hinata’s role in the show as the housewife is being like “no you see Boruto you have to understand your father’s pov as the Hokage” and the narrative treats NaruHina’s marriage as a Good, Healthy Thing as if the characters are not miserable in this marriage.

3.) Man I don’t even like her that much but she deserved SO much better. She was introduced as the heiress of a really powerful and renowed clan with complex dynamics, yet the author somehow decided to do almost NOTHING with the potential she had, and gave her very little personality besides being shy and fawning over the protagonist. She gets slightly more active in Shippuden (part 2), but her character still pretty much revolves around her love for Naruto, which sucks because again, she has so much potential. It’s no secret that women in Naruto are badly written, and Hinata certainly is no exception. The male characters get dozens of episodes/chapters about their motivations, their backstories, what pushes them to keep going, and Hinata gets almost nothing besides her lifelong crush on Naruto that we are reminded of literally every time she’s on screen.

#polls #round 2 #week 3 #new

112 notes · View notes

1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt · 2 years

Text

Early Jim Kirk: Why So Serious?

To the people who said that Paul Wesley's Captain Kirk was "too serious" or that it "wasn't our Jim Kirk":

Let's have a kiki, shall we? :)

A lot of folks seem to forget who Jim used to be before meeting him in TOS.

In an interview, Paul Wesley discussed how different Jim's early character and life was from TOS Kirk. Wesley's study of Jim and his early characterisation was in fact based on TOS descriptions and relevant lore surrounding it. I was not at all phased by the Jim we saw, as early Jim is described as quite a departure from our flirty, confident TOS Jim. Wesley did his homework.

From the chat that Kirk has with Gary Mitchell in TOS (Where No Man Has Gone Before 01x03) and Bones in Shore Leave (01x15) re: Finnegan, we learned in Jim's younger years, Kirk didn't always have that swagger. In fact, Jim used to be a rather serious nerd.

Kirk in the academy was described as "a stack of books with legs", "positively grim", and "watch out for Lieutenant Kirk. In his class, you either think or sink".

He also adhered to Starfleet rules far more in his early years a la Boimler. For example, he reported an error that older officer and very good friend of his Benjamin Finney made on the USS Republic, leading to Finney's demotion and later the events of Court Martial (01x20). He reported one of his own besties to HQ and got him demoted. Quite a departure from how often Kirk violates Starfleet orders and directives for Spock on TOS. Again, he is not the same Jim. Character growth.

I think folks get so wrapped up in Spock being the thinking guy and Kirk being the action guy that they forget: You kind of have to be a brilliant genius and thinker to even get a starship command, let alone the flagship. Jim is not dumb and never was; he is exceptionally smart. Spock is just a freaking GIGA GENIUS and anyone standing next to that might look less bright in contrast. But make no mistake, Jim is also brilliant as a military man and diplomat.

Jim is often stereotyped as a swaggering meathead when he is actually an intelligent and capable diplomat even from his earliest years with Starfleet. As a cadet, he was decorated by Starfleet with the Palm Leaf for his peace mission work on Axanar (Court Martial 01x20). As a Captain, Jim helped to complete just as many successful federation member recruitments as he did take names and kick ass.

Jim loves chess. He loves his dad's old books and classic literature. He memorizes quotes from those texts and references them constantly in TOS. How many jocks do you know out here memorizing classic literature to reference even now in our time? One of Jim's most precious, prized possessions is an old text copy of "A Tale of Two Cities" he got as a gift for his birthday from Spock.

There are still those glimpses of old Jim planted throughout TOS and the movies.

As you examine him and his past, every description of him as a young man in the original series was that he was a nerd. Kirk, as a character, shows how much we change as people from high school/uni to adulthood.

The early Jim Kirk is not the Kirk we knew and loved, and he often comes as a surprise to folks accustomed to the Jim he later becomes. He grows into his own over time and finds himself, like many of us. But Wesley's portrayal seemed surprisingly apt to me, considering early descriptions of James T. Kirk's character.

TLDR: Jim Kirk was described in his early years as "serious", "positively grim", "a stack of books with legs", top of his class, and would report you to HQ for a crumb. This is not the Captain Kirk you knew who took command of the Enterprise in 2265. Jim Kirk used to be a serious, passionate Starfleet nerd.

All in all, I thought Paul Wesley's character study with all this considered was

Anyway, thanks for coming to my Ted X Talk about baby James Tiberius Kirk.

I'd love to hear from you folks, feel free to chip in, add to this or correct any errors. :) LLAP.🖖

EDIT: See Part 2 of this Jim Kirk SNW AU Analysis where I respond to an ask from @letteredlettered; we get into the importance of the Triumvirate for Kirk Prime, as well as the relevance of why Jim Kirk being assigned the Farragut would be a poor choice of command commission for him. It further solidifies that this is not “our Kirk”, but an AU where we see what would come of our Kirk if he did not get the flagship commission or meet his boays to form the Trek Trinity.

1K notes · View notes

she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 6 months

Text

Analysing my favourite lines from Six of Crows chapter by chapter: Chapter 4

Same as usual: famous or popular quotes being missed doesn't mean I don't like them it just means I don't have anything new to say, and some quotes will not have explanations because I just like them I don't really have anything to analyse

“Inej knew the moment Kaz entered the Slat” - first of all I think it’s relevant that this is our second chapter from Inej’s POV and both of them have begun with the focus entirely on Kaz, the first one being the infamous “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, which she immediately disproves to be factual and instead shows as something created by the opinion of the many who don’t really know Kaz and disputed by the few, herself included, who do. To some extent it’s possible that the same action is being completed with this introduction, since it’s actually less about Inej being aware of Kaz’s presence than it is about her being aware of the Dregs’ acknowledgment of him. Secondly I find it an interesting parallel between the pair, that Kaz recognises Inej’s presence despite no-one else knowing she’s there whilst Inej recognises Ka’s presence because everyone knows he’s there. This not only summarises their drives, for Inej to melt into the background and stop being noticed for her physical appearance and instead valued for her skills, and for Kaz to be seen, to rise to prominence, and to be noticed by Pekka Rollins, but also tells us about their particular gifts for reading people. Kaz reads individuals incredibly well, he explains this in many of his quotes about lock picking and blackmail and we also get the brilliant idea of the way he notices everything about a person down to their scent and the story that their scent tells (I’ve written before about the relevance of him being bothered by the fact that Inej doesn’t have a scent but in the Bathroom Scene he comments on how he can smell soap on her), he sees small details, tells, and nervous ticks and these things give him a massive advantage in the control he exercises over individuals. Inej reads crowds, she sees collective responses to people, events, or objects and uses that response to evaluate the thing that caused it, she doesn’t notice tells until Kaz suggests she looks out for them but she is able to very quickly assess Kaz’s chances of success, and how quickly those chances change, when he faces the Dregs at the Slat and leads a coup against Per Haskell in Crooked Kingdom.

“The worst part of the Barrel […] Most of the buildings in this part of the city had been built without foundations, many on swampy land where the canals were haphazardly dug. They leaned against each other like tipsy friends gathering at a bar, tilting at drowsy angles” - I love the description, I love the imagery, I have a deep obsession with worldbuilding… this is just great, like I don’t really know that’s there’s anything to say it’s just great

“Inej’s room was on the third floor, a skinny slice if space, barely big enough for a cot and a trunk. But with a window that looked out over the leaked roofs and jumbled chimneys of the Barrel. When the wind came through and cleared away the haze of coal smoke that hung over the city, she could even make out a blue pocket of harbour” - ok first of all I’m obsessed with the imagery and the description, and second of all I’m actually just going to copy and paste a post I made a while ago about the window because I find it an incredibly important detail for Inej and I think this is worth saying again:

‘I find it really interesting that Inej’s favourite part about her room at the Slat, despite it being “barely big enough to fit a cot”, is that she has her own window. I think this is important not only because all the windows at the Menagerie were barred, but also because the whole idea of a window is representative of the difference between her life in Ravka and her life in Kerch. Travelling through Ravka, she had no need or want of a window because she was part of and at one with the outdoor world, free to explore it and enjoy it as she saw fit, but in Ketterdam windows and rooftops are her way of travelling the city. They bring her a source of hope and connection to the life she lost whilst simultaneously being her method of completing jobs for the Dregs to slowly claw her back to that very life. So in a way, the window has become a physical manifestation of both a veil of separation between her and everything she’s ever loved or cared for, a literal sheet of glass between her and her world, and of a hope for salvation to return to that love and care.’

“If you had a gripe, you settled it outside where you didn’t risk interrupting the hallowed practice of separating pigeons from their money” - I love this quote so much but I also think it could be interpreted as quite sarcastic on Inej’s part; she talks a lot about how “nothing [is] sacred to the Kerch except trade” and finds a lot of their traditions baffling since their cultural attitude and religious attitude are both so different to the ones she was raised in. This could be seen as a subtle undermining of the culture that abused her whilst appropriating her own culture of peace, which is of course deeply ironic of them, and also reflective of the battle constantly waging inside her over the morality of her surroundings and the core moral code she knows she has broken and will continue to break because circumstance has left her no other choices - possibly linking to the way she specifically considers more fear of her parents not forgiving the actions she’s taken since leaving the Menagerie than what she was forced to do whilst imprisoned there

“I didn’t hurt you none. It was just words” - this is Rojax’s response to Inej punching him in the face whilst wearing brass knuckles after he insulted her, demanded money that neither she nor the gang owed him, and then tried to grab her collar. Now ignoring the money since to be fair we don’t know how much he stole and how much his pay cheque should have been so we don’t know if it evens out or not, the important thing here is that Rojax fails to identify his ability to do Inej damage by calling her “little girl” (words Tante Heleen weaponised against her), referring to her as though she’s Kaz’s property, and threatening violence towards her. I don’t think Rojax meant to affect Inej in the way he surely did, but I do think it shows so well that there’s a massive lack of understanding in the Barrel for the kind of pain that people like Inej have experienced and carry with them, especially since she herself comments on the way even though she hid the scar from her Menagerie tattoo “they all knew it was there”. I how this makes sense I’m not sure if I’ve articulated it quite right

“People were watching now, so she hit him again”

“It would’ve been easy enough to turn away when they called her names or sidled up and asked for a cuddle, but do that and soon it was a hand up your blouse or a try at you against a wall” - this again emphasises that there’s no real acknowledgment of Inej’s experience as traumatic but almost as intriguing or even erotic, and it reminds the reader of the rampant misogyny that travels through the Barrel not only in the dehumanising treatment of women and children in the pleasure houses but also in the cultural attitude as a whole. Although no-one sees Inej as a less threatening force because of her sex, it’s undeniable that the Barrel sees women as something to be conquered or won, and we also see this reflected by the upper classes in the attitudes of merchants and in Van Eck’s marriages.

“Nothing was sacred to the Kerch except trade” - laughing at myself because when I talked about it earlier I didn’t realise this quote was in this chapter

“Inej like Rojax, but right now he was just a frightened man looking to feel bigger than someone”

“Still clutching his cheek like a stunned toddler”

‘ “You look exhausted. Will you sleep at all tonight?”

Jesper just winked.

“Not while the cards are hot. Stay and play a bit, Kaz will stake you”

“Really, Jesper?” she’d said, pulling up her hood, “If I wanna watch men dig holes to fall into I’ll find myself a cemetery”

“Come on, Inej!” He’d called after her as she passed through the big double doors onto the street, “You’re good luck!”

Saints, she’d thought, if he believe that he really must be desperate. She’d left her luck behind in a Suli camp on the shores of West Ravka. She doubted she’d see either again” ’ - this conversation is so important in developing the reader’s baseline understanding for Jesper’s situation and addiction, and it’s not something I see people talk about a lot. Other than Kaz staking him and Jesper calling himself “a creature of habit”, this is the first concession to Jesper’s gambling “habit” being a genuine and debilitating addiction, and I think it’s important for us as the reader to so early on see that Inej, someone whose opinion Jesper so highly valued and someone he is evidently so close to, is unable to talk Jesper out of the card game - in fact the entire conversation to me gives the air of there having been many previous conversations where she tried and this one being one of many following where she’s all but given up. She expresses her opinion on the situation with the beautiful cemetery line, she directly confronts him in the issue by asking if he’s going to sleep tonight, and doesn’t hold back on pointing out that the addiction is having a physical impact on his health by saying that he looks exhausted, but she doesn’t make active strides to pull him away from the game. I think Inej has reached a point where she accepts that it isn’t her job to try and fix the people she cares about, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to. She desperately needs Jesper to hear what she means through what she’s saying, and if he isn’t going to then she cannot stand by and helplessly watch his self-destruction. Jesper on the other hand seems to seek support in her and her presence because of his fears surrounding failure and not being cared for by others as much as he cares for them; he knows Inej leaves because she can’t help him and can’t watch him, and he knows that her trying to help him would make little long term difference as he explains in Crooked Kingdom when talking directly about his addiction, but that doesn’t mean that the cruel, self-destructive, disparaging part of him isn’t taunting him with the idea that she’s leaving because she doesn’t care about him and because she doesn’t want to help him, and that fear/pain only makes him feel more hollow and only makes him need to play more. Again I hope this makes sense it’s starting to feel like I’m just rambling

“Inej moved aside a bucketful of cleaning supplies that she’d placed there precisely because she knew no-one in the Slat would ever touch it” - I couldn’t cope in the Barrel. There’s no way I could cope with the fighting anyway, but if I by some miracle survived it would only be for the general lack of cleanliness to finish me off

' "This place is like anything in Ketterdam. It leaks,"

Inej could've sworn he looked directly at the vent when he said it. ' - I love this so much because Kaz never mentions anything about this himself but it just so fluidly becomes part of the way he's always aware of her presence. There's also never any surprise at meeting her right outside the closet she's hiding in immediately after the conversation with Haskell so I think we get the idea that's quite routine, and it begins more and more to introduce us to this quiet dependence Kaz and Inej have on each other without addressing it; there are so many things that they each know the others does but never mention, and I think generally speaking they both know that the other knows as well but their ease with one another doesn't require voicing it aloud - if anything it may even rely on keeping it silent, since neither of them are in a position yet where they can admit to themselves the need to rely on someone/the care they feel towards each other.

"You're smart Brekker, but you need to learn patience," - this line always catches me out a little, but I think it's actually just giving us another hint to the extent of disconnect Haskell has from the real experiences of his gang members. We already know Kaz to be a patient character at least in some of the situations we've seen so far, and he goes on to prove himself as immensely and genius-ly (I have no idea what the real word for that is, work with me) patient in his processes and his plans - particularly in Crooked Kingdom when he explains that "you don't win by playing one game". Remember it's in chapter TWO of Crooked Kingdom the Kaz puts the plan to hand Wylan his father's fortune into motion, we just don't know it until after the auction for Kuwei's indenture. Kaz does have a quote somewhere about how too many people aren't patient enough in committing crimes and that's how they end up making mistakes but I can't remember it exactly (I'm working off my audiobook at the minute so I can't flick through and find it), if any one knows it feel free to comment it because it's a great quote and a really interesting reference for this! My point here is that we know Kaz is a very patient person yet Haskell, someone who would appear on the surface to work so closely with him, is accusing him for a lack of it. Because realistically, Haskell has no idea of the everyday workings of the gang or anything of the scope of work Kaz puts into it, and I htink this is just another of the many unsavoury characters building hints we have to encourage the reader to develop an immediate disliking for Per Haskell in this scene.

"But you'll get your twenty percent" - it took me a while to actually think about the money and why the total is 30 million but the main six characters are only getting 4 million kruge each because honestly I won't lie it just didn't occur to me to actually think about the maths. Like I was vaguely aware that didn't add up but I didn't really think about it. But let's talk, because 30 million kruge split between 6 crew members should have meant each character receiving 5 million kruge each (30/6=5). But Per Haskell is owed 20% of any money that the Dregs earn, so he's taking some of the money. On the surface, does 20% seem like an unfair margin? Probably not, considering that theoretically the Dregs members owe him money, live at the Slat seemingly rent free, and are his employees in a business taht has to make money somehow. Personally I odn't think it's a great business model, but I literally know noting about business and also that's not really the point right now. The point is that on the surface 20% doesn't sound wholly unreasonable, and it doesn't sound unreasonable in this conversation. It's not until later, when Kaz offers Inej and Nina 4 million kruge to join the Ice Court Heist that it really occurs to us that they're kind of getting screwed over. Because 20% of 30 million kruge is 6 million kruge. SIX. This man is about to make 2 million more kruge by sitting around in Ketterdam playing with a ship in a bottle than any of our main characters are about to make for nearly dying a thousand times over and successfully infiltrating the Ice Court. What is interesting to me is how the decision of the money is made, because it seems that we're regarding it as if the income is solely Kaz's so he's paying Haskell is twenty percent then choosing to split the remainder between his crew, which seems to make sense since he was the one who was approached for the deal and the one who was offered the money. But if the money had been offered to hte six of them, the financial implications could have been far more complex. Wylan and Matthias aren't members of the dregs, so they would have no need to lose 20% of their income. They would each take 5 million, whilst the other four took 4 million and gave Haskell 1 million from each of their hauls. SO HASKELL WOULD STILL MAKE EQUAL TO THEM. Wylan and Matthias would come out marginally richer than the others, which neither of them were particularly bothered about anyway, and Haskell would still have done nothing and successfully screwed over Kaz and the other Dregs members. And I'm not saying they would've gone for that, because I don't doubt that Wylan and Matthias would have suggested splitting the income the way they do in the book anyway, but I'm saying it's so important that ultimately the person winning here is always Per Haskell. But what's really interesting about Kaz is that not only does he never question the suggestion of splitting the money evenly when he could have easily claimed more for himself as the person who made the deal nad hired on the others, effectively putting himself in Haskell's position except with more involvement, but even when he cuts Haskell out of the business he keeps none of the 6 million kruge for himself, instead splitting it between Rotty and Specht for their smaller roles in the Ice Court Heist. Kaz represents so many things that Per Haskell doesn't, and in that way he comes to represent key things that Pekka Rollins isn't as well, since the book makes strides to show Haskell and Rollins as effectively representative for all the gang leaders. Even though Rollins appears far more involved and on the ball than Haskell, when Inej attacks him in the final chapter of Crooked Kingdom he is forced to question the last time he "felt real pain" since no-one dared to actually fight him any more. I really hope this makes sense because it's very rambly and I'm starting to think I just explained fairly straight forward maths for no real reason.

"Rich as Saints in crowns of gold" - ok I love this because it shows us so much of what Kaz, or if we assume this is a common saying then the Kerch or just citizens of the Barrel, think of the Saints and of religious iconography. We know from the King of Scars duology, the Lives of Saints, and probably to some extent Shadow and Bone that the Saints' lives were not ones of riches, fame, or power, but Kaz exercises this idea of people turning themselves into religious icons for crude, financial purposes. I actually wonder if the way he views them is a kin to the way I've talked about viewing Jarl Brum as a reader, and I think that it's really important to hear this from Inej's perspective because we're already heightened to such an opposite idea by the overall style and tone of the chapter.

"And why Pim? The thought shamed her a bit. She could almost hear her father's voice: So eager to be the queen of thieves, Inej. It was one thing to do her job and do it well, it was quite another to want to succeed at it. She didn't want a permanent place with the Dregs, she wanted to pay off her debts and be free of Ketterdam forever, so why should she care if Kaz chose Pim to run the gang in his absence? Because I'm smarter than Pim," - First of all shout out to the Inej narrator of the soc audiobook because she nailed the intonation of "I'm smarter than Pim" I love it. Second of all we get this really interesting implication of Inej's moral code here, because as I've talked about before her morality is incredibly important to her and the necessity of crossing that line to survive has wreaked havoc on her emotional and probably mental states. She sees a clear distinction between doing what she has to in order to survive and enjoying what she does and I think this is possibly her 'new' moral code to cope with the inability to control her life and stick to what she considers her core moral values.

' "What would you say to 4 million kruge?"

"Money like that is more curse than gift,"

"My little Suli idealist. All you need is a full belly and an open road," he said, the mockery clear in his voice.

"And an easy heart, Kaz"

That was the difficult part. '

"We'll be kings and queen, Inej. Kings and queens,"

"Kaz was not a giddy boy smiling and making future plans her. He was a dangerous player who was always working an angle. Always."

' "I'll need Wylan waiting at the Crow Club tomorrow night,"

"Wylan? If this is for a big job..."

"Just do it," ' - Inej throws so much shade on Wylan early in six of crows and I always seem to forget and then be caught off guard when she's just complaining to Kaz that he's useless and Wylan's like '... I'm right here,'

"One moment he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder,"

' "Fence it,"

"Whose is it?"

"Ours now," ' - I shouldn't find this romantic, should I?

"Move the DeKappel we lifted from Van Eck's house into the vault. I think it's rolled up under my bed," - pleaseeeeee he doesn't even have the painting up, the audacity in this boy know no bounds. I talked a lot about the DeKappel when I was writing about the last chapter so I'm not going to detail it here, but everything about it makes me so happy

"Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won't you do me the honour of acquiring me a new hat?" - first of yesssssssssss we love, and secondly I wrote a whole thing about Kaz using sarcasm as a defence mechanism and the complexity of his inability to express emotions a while ago with particular focus on this quote and a few others so if you want to you can find that on my page or I might be able to tag people on it or whatever if you can't find it because it was some time ago now

' Inej cast a meaningful glance at his cane.

"Have a long trip down," she siad, then leapt onto the bannister sliding from one floor to the next, slick as butter in a pan. '

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed and that my scattered thoughts made at least some sense <3

109 notes · View notes

jq37 · 2 months

Text

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 8

Enter the Vultureverse

Welcome back to the Report Card where we are having a mini recap because my schedule has been off the wall bonkers! Luckily, this week we can split the episode pretty neatly into two sections: research and fighting. We’ll go more in depth on the research than the fighting because those are the bits that will be more long term plot relevant though I’m sure the fighting will be long term relevant to Gorgug and the therapist I hope he has because yikes gang!

First things first, we resolve stress tokens which the party has to use to nerf themselves and take disadvantage on the skills they choose. They are as follows:

Fig: Insight and Religion.

Gorgug: Initiative, Insight, Deception, and Charisma Saves.

Adaine: Initiative, Intimidation and Persuasion.

Fabian: Tool Proficiencies, History, Investigation, and Perception.

Kristen: Initiative, Wisdom Saves, and Medicine

Riz: Perception, Survival, Athletics, and Deception.

When we left, Lydia had dropped off all the info from her old party mates and the Bad Kids were surprised to see that it was all written not in Infernal but in Giant. The whole gang (except Gorgug who’s still at home) circles up in Adaine’s tower to help and she casts Comprehend Languages so she can read the texts. Fig tosses Adaine a bardic to juice her History roll which prompts Brennan to have Siobhan roll on a d100. On a 91, Adaine’s stomach gurgles and a cloud of dust mites fly into her eyes, causing her to knock her head and pass out.

Kristen rushes to her aid (with a medicine check rather than spells since she’s currently out) to stabilize her. Brennan asks if she rolled less than an 8 and even though she didn’t, her stomach also gurgles and she sees a vision of the food court: a flash of red, a familiar scream (not Cass), and then silence. In Adaine’s eyes, she sees splattered blood reflected. Ominous!

Everyone is freaked and they’re getting major shrimp vibes. Fig declares herself cursed and submits to arcana checks from everyone. With his angel-spy necktie, Riz casts Detect Good and Evil and finds a fiendish aura around her that’s different than her natural one. She is for sure cursed.

While this is going on, Gorgug is at home, watching Frostyfaire stuff get set up. His parents allude to some ~mysterious machines~ under tarps and promise not to embarrass him. That’s not oddly specific at all and it certainly won’t come back to bite him in this very same episode. He gets the text from the group that Adaine passed out and goes to meet up with them but, as he leaves, he sees electricity running through one of his parents many gadgets and has a moment of inspiration about how the pulse of the electricity and the pulse of his blood and heart when he’s raging might have some kind of synchronicity. He makes a note and saves it for later.

OK! Now let’s round up all the new info the party learns from the notes Lydia provided:

There’s a record of Ruvina (Lucy’s god) giving Cass a wedding gift: a Bridle of Frost that would allow her to command a team of fiery horses. The fact that Cass was married is new info and Riz speculates whether she was being married to a giant/giant god.

Apparently, Cass, Galicaea (her sister), and Sol (her brother) were traveling together in the Mountains of Chaos.

(As an aside, we learn that Cass is more aligned with fae and Galicaea is with the elves–we knew that second part already. We also learn that Helio’s mom was a mortal woman.)

We learn of a law of magic called Obliviati Mori by Clerics and the Law of Theothanatic Silence by wizards. It basically means that even though gods can remember dead gods, they’re not allowed to revive them via worship by speaking their name and reminding mortals of them. Adaine gets the sense that if this is a law then it can be broken somehow and Brennan says yes, but there are likely hefty arcane penalties.

Fabian wonders if Cass’s, “I thought you were dead” was referring to this dead god who is maybe her ex. Riz wonders if Lucy was possessed by a god and that’s how she was able to write down the name of the dead god–something that should have been impossible since no mortals know their name and no gods are allowed to speak or write it.

Fig thinks the Ratgrinders are being mighty suspicious in their seeming lack of mourning for Lucy and especially in Ivy’s not shocked reaction to seeing her disguised as Lucy.

(These next pieces of info we don’t get until after a short interlude but I’m gonna put it here to keep it neat.)

Riz thinks that it’s suspicious that Tracker’s church would suddenly be blowing up right when this dead god is coming back and wonders if there might be some shenanigans going on where their worship is somehow being siphoned off to power this other god (something gods are specifically not supposed to do).

In one of the books, Kristen sees an illuminated page (illuminated as in illustrated–think Book of Kells) that is unfinished. It has an empty arch wreathed in flames and a design of red 24 point stars with sharp rays that are very similar looking to the shatter stars they encountered in the mall fight.

Fig wonders if a union of Doubt and Rage (Cass and this unknown god) was maybe too powerful so their marriage was sabotaged by another god.

After all the research, it’s almost time to go to Frostyfaire, but before they do, Kristen takes a leap of faith and (1) texts Tracker to see if they can meet up since her god is relevant to the investigation and (2) texts her parents to ask if they want to get coffee. Tracker says she’s busy the next few days but she’s free starting on Monday. Kristen's parents don’t text her back but her brother Bucky does and lets her know that her parents are debating it but it feels like they’re gonna say yes. Sibling loyalty!

Adaine does a Detect Magic on the token Kristen’s teacher gave her and determines that it’s basically a deity-less Holy Symbol so she’s got something to tide her over while she works on getting Cass back.

Fig, who you’ll recall is dabbling in paladin classes, decides to pray for the first time and attunes to a moment of doubt that’s sacred to her: when her horns first started growing in and it changed her whole life, ultimately for the better. The shards from Cass in Kristen’s pocket glows indigo and she decides to pray with Fig as well, gaining a 6th level spell slot back in the process.

On to the fair!

When they arrive, Gorgug’s parents welcome them–incluing Fig’s alter-emo Wanda since she’s in disguise to mess with Ruben/hopefully get some info. Riz and Kristen are thinking that all the crunchy, granola kids here from Aguefort are a substantial voting block but, before they can do anything about that, an old druid shows up and offers them a toke of his pipe.

Fool the Bad Kids once, shame on you, but they’re NOT getting trapped in a net like Max. They all immediately roll to check if something’s up and Adaine crits, clocking the druid as an illusion. Riz casually says, “No thanks Oisin,” as Adaine casts Dispel Magic, revealing not the Ratgrinder’s wizard but their bard, Ruben who sneers at them and then gets into an argument with Gorgug about whether he (Ruben) shits or not. Very normal teenager conversations. Fig has dipped at this point because she wants to debut as Wanda to Ruben at a strategic moment but she secretly hits him with a Hex to his Int to help guard against any rolls he might make to clock her disguise later. She also notices how mad Gorgug is getting at Ruben’s nonsense and texts Porter a list of things that piss Gorgug off, trying to help him out.

Ruben’s band, My Clerical Gnomance (of course), of which Fabian is a big fan (sure) head to the stage and start playing their set but then, all of a sudden, thunder rumbles and a surge of electricity makes the stage lights go weird. In a flash, Grix appears, hovering above the crowd! He assesses the crowd and finds it full of rulebreakers and felonies so he decides to do his part in restoring “Perfect Order” by CASTING DISINTEGRATE ON RUBEN. Why is he even here? This is so outside of his jurisdiction! He says the school experience is best optimized by being omnipresent but COME ON man! This can’t be legal, even in Spyre!

Anyway, initiative!

Like I said, we’re really gonna breeze through this fight because it’s mostly non-plot relevant but there are a few things I want to highlight:

Adaine right away burns a portent roll to save Ruben from the Disintegrate. I wonder if, in Ruben’s mind, that’s worth being a little softer towards the Bad Kids in the future.

Grix uses a spell or ability to awaken all the nearby machines to fight by his side but…uh…the Thistlesprings were busy during the four months of night and they decided to retrofit some of their random appliances into very elaborate sex toys. Both Zac and Gorgug are mortified.

Ruben curiously doesn’t just ditch when the going gets rough like you might expect someone who only grinds rats to do. He stays and does what you’d hope a bard would do: plays with this band to distribute bardics to everyone. Of course some of that is probably to impress “Wanda” who he spots in the crowd but you have to wonder how much his personal adventuring philosophy aligns with his party’s. Maybe not everything he’s done is logged on the official record. Also, he seems horrified by the situation so either (1) the RG’s aren’t somehow collaborating with Grix, (2) they are but only certain RG’s are in on it, or (3) he’s a great actor which he could be as a bard but I think that’s least likely.

We learn that Gorgug in addition to his homunculus, Cloaca, now has a steel defender: a gecko named Clobica (a Battle Smith class feature). It’s kinda like a familiar that can attack.

The fight gets hairy fast with multiple Bad Kids getting stunned and Adaine going down. Kristen uses her one spell slot to cast Mass Cure Wounds but that still leaves Adaine, a squishy wizard, surrounded by enemies and a bunch of party members stunned and failing to snap out of it.

Grix mentions that he was warned to expect tomfoolery in general but especially from the Bad Kids which of course begs the question, “By who?”

Grix is successfully able to cast Dominate Monster on Riz by appealing to his sense of order and visions of Lord Salazar Edge's College of Lone Adventurers dance in his head. He turns his attention to Adaine next (which makes me wonder if he was just consulting a dossier on the Bad Kids in that moment because Riz and Adaine are for sure the ones you’d target with this pitch).

Now, this episode might be known as the one where they had to fight a sex toy lawnmower except for what happens next. Because, much like in the first fight this season, there is a vulture on this battle set. And our intrepid heroes noticed it immediately. So, back against the wall, party in dire straits, and out of spell slots, Kristen decides to interact with the vulture as the rest of the table give thumbs up, supporting the bit.

She prays to Cass, asking for help in connecting with the vulture and then gives a now very familiar, “Heyyyyyy girlie.”

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?” the vulture says to the surprise of the full table. Feathers whip around the dome and a graphic appears: YOU ARE ENTERING THE VULTURE DIMENSION. A new set is brought out. Everyone is losing their minds. I didn’t take a hit from Ruben's pipe but I feel high. And that’s where we end our episode!

No extras this week because I’m crunched for time but, don’t worry, I’ll roll that all into next recap since the fight continues in the next ep. Can’t wait to figure out what the hell the vulture dimension is tonight!

#Dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 #d20 spoilers #fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #spoilers #the report card

28 notes · View notes

iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 10 months

Note

i would love to hear your infodump on the patrons and their deals if you're willing to share <3 you genuinely are the first writer in YEARS on here to feel like actually gets the characters and the world of the arcana (imho) so please share if you so desire!!!

Brainrot's Arcana Essays: The Patrons and their Deals

Bear in mind, anon, you did ask for this XD

One of the most consistent things about the Arcana Patrons (as they are represented in the story) is that they are archetypes intended to nurture their beneficiaries, and in doing so, empower them to make good change. As such, the deals they make seem to me to look a lot more like a commitment than like a legal contract. Hear me out:

One of the most straightforward deals we have in the story is Julian's (which to me makes sense, as he's the least magically invested). He describes it like a trade: he gave the Hanged Man his memories, and in return, the Hanged Man gave him the ability to heal any wound or illness. That's as far as the description goes, so one would think Julian could just snap his fingers and the person would be okay. But that's not how it pans out.

Instead, he is granted the magic to take somebody else's injury or illness upon himself, and then heal from it exceptionally quickly. This process is a lot more defined by what kind of person Julian is and the traits he shares with the Hanged Man (self-sacrifice & a quest for knowledge). It doesn't seem like anything more than a dramatic detail to add if the deal was just a trade, but it's a very relevant detail when you remember that the Hanged Man is Julian's patron. So how does that patronage play out?

We see patron - human connections the strongest between Asra and the Magician and Nadia and the High Priestess, and in both cases, the patron takes their beneficiary under their wing and assumes a mentoring role. So when a deal is struck, it's not meant to be exploitative or a legally-bound trade. It ends up looking more like a patron offering to empower their beneficiary, but needing something belonging to that beneficiary in order to do so.

To my knowledge (and to be fair, I'm still unlocking all of her content), Nadia has had a gift of clairvoyance that comes from the High Priestess since she was just a little girl. It's highly unlikely that the High Priestess would offer a binding contract to a little girl, but to offer a gift as a form of empowerment and nurture? That seems a lot more in character. It also explains Nadia's relationship with her own sight - she experiences it as an extension of herself more than she does as a tool that she's been handed.

In short, there's no point at which we see a patron and beneficiary (with a good relationship) hashing out all the details of a bargain like it's a trade deal. (e.g. Does Muriel have a daily limit on how many people can forget him at once? Does Julian lose extra memories if he exceeds a certain amount healing per day?) What we're more likely to see is a patron saying "I'm invested in you enough to give you this 'thing' that will help you, but I'm going to need something from you in order to do so." The way that deal plays out afterwards seems to have a lot less to do with a character's step-by-step decisions and a lot more to do with how they see the world and function in it. It's also designed to contribute to the beneficiary's personal growth and is easily repealed once that growth has been achieved.

This really shows up with Muriel - he doesn't snap his fingers and wipe someone's memory of him, or turn completely invisible. He just walks away, and then people forget once they lose sight of him. It perfectly plays into how he already functions in the world. It makes even more sense of the workaround for his curse - he doesn't just decide that this one person is going to be immune, he has to give them something that represents him, that they can hold onto in his absence. Muriel received his "blessing," as he calls it, when being alone and forgotten was essential to recovering from a lifetime of trauma, and it begins to fade away when he reaches a new stage of healing that involves becoming a part of the community again.

This (to me) has major implications for how we understand two of the biggest sets of deals in the Arcana story - Asra's deal to bring back MC, and the Devil's and Lucio's bargaining habits. I'll start with Asra's deal.

Asra wasn't offered his deal, he pursued it. Most fan estimates put about a year between his return and the disastrous Masquerade, but either way we know that they spent a long, long time trying idea after idea to bring MC back. Their deal was the result of actively pursuing a specific outcome, which is why he's the only one of the M6 who ended up receiving a gift from someone other than their patron Arcana. MC has the Fool's body, not the Magician's.

Two things play into this: first, the Fool's body was already on the table because Asra's ability to ask for it came from him hijacking Lucio's ritual. Second, Asra had help on multiple fronts to make this deal. We know from some of his returning memories that Nadia knew what they were planning and gave them her full support. The Magician never outright says it, but they also seem to know plenty of details about the deal considering that they weren't the one Asra was asking.

It suggests (to me) that Asra knew ahead of time what the deal was going to be, and that once they made it to the realms the Magician was already prepared to help him convince the Fool to let him have the body for MC instead.

That's a lot more meddling with fate than what you'd normally see them do, and it further reinforces what a powerful character MC is. Asra themself says that, if anything, MC was a stronger magician than he ever was (which is no small feat - other characters comment multiple times on how famous he is for his skill with magic). If you follow their route, MC's magic is shown to be on par with an Arcana's, and while part of that is attributed to having the Fool's body, much of it is also credited to MC themself. Pair that with the fact that MC inherited a magic shop from a family member, and we know that magic has been a big part of their life in nature and in nurture.

It wouldn't be too much of a stretch (though it's still speculation) to say that the Fool is MC's patron. So when we put all of this together, Asra's deal to bring back MC is part of a much broader effort. It required (at least) Nadia, the Fool, and the Magician all pooling their resources to bring MC back as well, and we know for those three characters that that wasn't a light decision they made simply for Asra's sake. They worked together to bring back MC for MC's sake, with Asra spearheading the movement. It's why he takes responsibility for the danger of what was done on the Lazaret, saying that he led people who trusted him into a situation even he didn't fully understand, and why they were the one to ultimately make the the deal. He takes responsibility for the initiative, but he includes other people in the picture.

In both cases, Asra and the Fool are giving up something that is theirs and allowing it to be changed to who MC is. The Fool's body changes its appearance to match MC's soul, and Asra's half-heart changes to carry MC's emotions and personality instead. If we assumed otherwise, then MC wouldn't be too interested in dating anyone because they'd be totally in love with themself (following Asra's emotional state). It means that MC is still entirely themself, even if their memories are missing. They're still growing and changing as a person but they are doing so on a path that is completely their own. So while MC comes back from the dead without knowing anything and needing time to relearn how to use a body, they don't come back fundamentally different as a person. (Though headcanons where that happens will never not be fascinating to me)

In short, when it comes to the deal that brings MC back, the context is so much bigger than just Asra. Asra is the only human who remembers it, but it took him, the Magician, Nadia, and the Fool (at least that many - Julian was likely involved as well, considering how he aided Asra's research, and other Arcana patrons may have contributed) all working together to bring MC back. MC is a big deal. (pun intended)

So let's contrast that with the other deal that has multiple people working together. When we compare what other patron deals look like, it's a lot easier to put a finger on why the Devil's offers always feel so wrong. His deals are designed to mislead and exploit.

Where other Arcana patrons seem to be focused on the nurture of their beneficiaries, the Devil describes Lucio and the other courtiers as his puppets. He's only playing for his own gain. He has no interest in connections, whether it be with the other Arcana or with humans. (sidenote: ever notice that the uniting difference between Upright and Reversed endings is growth and community vs stagnation and isolation?)

Of the two bargains for a new body, one requires half a heart, which is willingly given. The other requires blood stolen from multiple Arcana representatives and the surrender of the human realm. There's a considerable difference in what is required, and that's because the Devil likes to bargain. He likes to take, to request more, to exploit, and to give as little as possible in return. That kind of example likely played a big role in how Lucio became his worst self before meeting MC and mending his ways - while he's naturally the kind of person to take without asking, the influence of a character like the Devil would explain his development from enlisting help to fight someone he was expected to defeat (though not necessarily expected to kill) to starting unnecessary wars and building and maintaining a place like the Coliseum.

It explains why the Devil's deals are often described as bargains, and why, instead of a mark of magic, everyone who trades with him ends up in chains instead. Where other Arcana patron deals intend to promote growth and are known to end if that growth achieves a bench mark, the Devil's intend to hold someone under his control far longer than the results of the deal last.

So let's put the two side-by-side and get a really big picture, shall we?

MC exists due to the combined productive efforts of both human and Arcana. The Devil builds his power by exploiting and destroying both human and Arcana. We know that the Fool never shared the Devil's vision, so it's safe to assume that the trade promised to Lucio didn't happen because the Fool wanted to give their body to him. The Fool gave the body to MC instead, keeping their body out of the Devil's clutches almost as a form of safekeeping, because they were already known to be a powerful magician. We see the same collaboration happening again in (if I remember correctly) Portia's and Lucio's routes, where the Arcana patrons gather together and collectively give MC their support.

When it comes to how the deal for MC's life creates growth, the answers exist on multiple levels: as the Fool's beneficiary, they get to keep growing personally. As a powerful magician, they get to keep working to make the world a better place. And as an ally of progress and healing, they are someone worth recruiting to challenge forces that the Arcana patrons themselves struggle to resist. There is consistent faith in MC's innate ability to challenge disaster - it's the attitude MC displays about whether they have any faith in themselves that determines the outcome.

There you have it, anon, there's my little infodump! I hope you like it and found it somewhat interesting! ^.^

brainrot

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #lucio morgasson #the arcana courtiers #the arcana mc #the arcana apprentice

117 notes · View notes

readerinsertfanfiction · 2 months

Text

Fate

A surprise gift for @ikemenlibrary because the organiser of 'My Ikemen Valentine Gift Exchange' didn't include herself despite all of the hard work needed to put the event together. You really need to reward yourself a little more. My only regret in this is that I don't know Licht.

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Character: Comte de Saint Germain

Warnings: mentions of death in euphemism

Masterlist

Follow the voice.

That was all the instructions you had received for your assignment. What it meant, you had no clue. How it worked, even less, but you went along with it when the door unlocked and the familiar dark hallways doomed up for you, taking you to wherever you were needed.

“If we meet again.”

A voice, one you didn’t know but felt a pang of familiarity with all the same, doomed up from the darkness. “If we meet again,” it echoed, like a desperate prayer, filled with sadness from the speaker that only knew regret and no religion.

“If we meet again, would you be willing…”

Heart aching you followed the voice, reaching out for the next door and pushed in, praying that you could help whatever regret and wish you would find behind.

Amber golden eyes met yours in surprise, tears streaming out of them ruining the handsome visage of a man brought onto his knees. It seemed he had been kneeling indeed, though there was no apparent religion that you could distinguish out of his form.

“You…” he speaks first and you straighten yourself, taking a deep breath before shutting the door, officially starting your assignment.

“Regret,” Comte, as the man calls himself, repeats after you. A sardonic smile sets on his lips along with clasped hands that stretch the skin out over his knuckles. “Yes, you can call it that,” he murmurs softly, but you can see that he doesn’t quite believe it.

It had taken very little convincing to explain your presence and job to him. Surprisingly so, but you supposed that Comte being a vampire and immortal had helped the matter. Something about being beyond human understanding as a shared trait helped in that. You could appreciate the ease in that, however, knowing that everything that would follow after was harder. Tempting fate was, after all, a world altering matter.

“First we need to figure out what chain started the path we want to change,” you started, finding that explaining alternate universes and paths was surprisingly easy as well to a pureblood vampire. “Usually we do this by working backwards in events, targeting big crosspoints before zooming in, but I can imagine that you rather not re-experience her death,” you mused, a bump in your heart at the thought of this unknown soulmate that Comte had.

It felt strange to feel envy for someone you didn’t know at all. Comte had been very sparse on the details of his lover and acclaimed soulmate, only revealing that he had been too hesitant in his own feelings and too late to realise the depth of his emotions. Your envy was made even stranger knowing the fate that befell the soulmate.

“No, let’s not do that,” Comte grimaces, hands still clenched together in a tight prayer. You can see how hard he tries to think of a solution, one that will change the fate of a human, a fragile existence even in alternate universes, without having to trial and error her death. “Do you believe in soulmates?” he asks you suddenly, and you wonder why it is relevant what you think and believe in.

It is a question you never really thought of. Not truly. And certainly not a question you expect on the first day of your job. You usually spend it trying to understand the assignment at hand, the client and their wishes. But now that you are and as you think back of the prayer you heard in the hallway, unfinished. The question in which you hope the answer will be one that will lead Comte back to happiness, for the weight of sadness in his voice and the weight of his regret laid heavy on your consciousness.

“Maybe?” you say, not having the heart to say no, not truly believing in ‘no’ either as you think of Comte and the depth of his love that had brought you here.

“A maybe is a no,” Comte chuckles, sounding so helplessly bitter at that moment before a resolution sets in his mind.

“I know a certain way to change her fate,” Comte says, his confidence faltering just a second before he steels himself with resolution, eyes hardening but avoiding yours.

His solution turns out to be a tremendous job. One that you aren’t quite sure will work, for fate worked in strange ways.

“Are you sure?” you repeat, hand once more on the door and his placed next to yours. “It is no small matter striking out the name of another in the book of fate,” you caution, a little nervous at the idea of altering fate at its very core, “the backlash will be great.”

Comte remains confident, however, his hand moving over yours on the door as he forces you to push. Those amber gold eyes never meet yours. They haven’t since he resolved himself.

“That is my burden to carry,” he tells you.

Comte never told you the name you had to strike from the book of fate, nor did he tell you the name that was tied to it. The simple sounding request and the near impossible assignment left a bad taste in your mouth, your gut telling you to cut the assignment short and leave. To deny this request.

“If you met her again,” you repeat the question that led you to Comte in the first place, the familiar hallway empty as ever, but quiet this time as the two of you search for the end, “would you be willing…”

“Yes,” Comte answers immediately, cutting off your question as his hand in yours clenched tightly, meaning the affirmative with every sense of his being, “yes, and a thousand times over,” he repeats, his voice at peace, but the sadness lingering forever as you arrive at your next destination.

“And do you believe in fate?” you ask when opening the door, revealing a room that blinds you before revealing all the names and souls bound together, a red string appearing around your pinky finger that pulls taut.

“Yes.” Is all Comte says, raising the red thread winding around his finger and towards his lips, pressing a first and last kiss to your shared fate before he snaps the thread and the world turns dark.

Follow the voice

It was all the detail you received walking down the dark hallways, wondering what your assignment was and what your last one had been, a lingering question comes to mind as you sound it out yourself;

“If we met again, would you be willing,” you sound, hoping for a yes, your legs moving as you remember the snap of fate and the amber gold eyes that had tried to spare you from a fate he thought worse than the snap of the thread.

“Yes, if we met again I’d be willing to be your soulmate again,” you call out, switching strategies as you beg the darkness for the voice to lead you to Comte again, but it remains quiet as you continue down the hallway that never ends.

“If we met, would you love me again?” you call out, asking the next question that comes to mind as you press against every door that you find, hoping to find one that will give and allow you in.

A thousand promises and countless alternate universes and you knew, you’d love the man with amber gold eyes over and over again, with his sad smiles and his bright ones, even as the world crumbled around you and the hallway endless.

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes,” you call out in the darkness, desperation overtaking you as a prayer swells up and a voice whispers as time restarts along with fate;

“If we meet again, would you be willing to love me still?”

#my ikemen valentine gift exchange #ikevamp #ikevam #ikevamp comte #ikevam comte

25 notes · View notes