I just wrote all of this in the tags because I feel like my thoughts don't matter and I shouldn't make anyone read them but no, I'll write it in a post instead.

I just had a really fun realisation (that was sarcasm)

it doesn't matter what name I go by - as soon as I start associating a name with myself/identifying with it, it feels gross.

I thought it was because I associate my real name with mainly negative memories (and also because of gender stuff)

but no. even when it's something that only my friends call me, something that's only been used in a positive context. even when it's something silly like a username or tumblr url. as soon as it starts feeling like 'me' it's bad.

if I hear or read or think about any of those names/usernames, I feel nauseous. I feel afraid. I feel disgusting. the name doesn't matter because *I* am disgusting and bad.

so that's great. and I don't know what to do about it. guess I should write this down for my psychiatrist appointment (because if I don't I will forget but the problem won't go away)

no name no pronouns please pretend I do not exist 🙃

Spoilers for buddy daddies drama 4

I've got stuff going on now so it might take me a little while to translate the whole thing but here's a summary.

After the preview Kazuki is looking for jobs and sees shady listings for for drug testing studies that pay for people to take new medicines. He would have to be gone for two weeks and he asks Rei if he would be able to take care of Miri all by himself for 2 weeks and he's like NOPE.

Kazuki says they're running out of money and need to get jobs soon and Rei says that even though he thought there would be lots of jobs he could do with only one arm it's been hard to find anything. Kazuki says it's not just his arm it's that he's not sociable. Like his horrible interview last week.

There's a flashback and he's in an interview and the interviewer asks if he has any special skills and he says he's good with guns and won't let his pray escape. The interviewer is like, "You're talking about air guns, right?" and Rei says he didn't have anything else to say.

Kazuki says there's something even worse than them not finding jobs: if he gets a job then Rei would have to do all of the housework. apparently he can do laundry now but everything else he's horrible at.

And so Kazuki is making him do a week of special training to teach him how to take care of the house and Miri. Kazuki says he's been taking it easy on him since he can't move his arm but he's going to　be a monster now, a cleaning training monster. Rei says he really can't move his arm and Kazuki tells him to shut up because says Miri tells me you've gotten even better at mario cart that you were before! "You set a new record!" Rei's like "I was so happy I did a victory pose"

Miri comes in and asks what they're doing and Kazuki says they're doing special training. Rei isn't happy about it until Miri says it's cool and he just says "I'll do it!"

Kazuki teaches him to vacuum, clean, and talk to the moms at Miri's school over text etc. Rei is exhausted and wants to give up but Miri cheers him on so he keeps trying.

Kazuki got a job and Rei kept going even while he was gone. He was doing dishes and dropped a glass and tried to clean it all up on his own. He picks up the big pieces but has trouble using a dustpan and broom at the same time so he's thinking about waiting till Kazuki gets home to finish cleaning it up but Miri comes over and holds the dustpan for him.

Kazuki gives him a test of making french toast on his own. He makes it and it's really good and Kazuki says it's so good they could sell it at a restaurant. Rei says it's still not good enough and he can make it better. He has become obsessed with the quality of ingredients and how to make food.

Miri says he looks like he's having fun and Kazuki tells her to tell him to calm down but she doesn't want to. Miri and Rei work together to open the boxes that Rei ordered of ingredients and Kazuki is shocked how close they've gotten. He's happy that he can work without worrying but he kind of feels like he's loosing his place. He asks Miri if she'll play mario cart with him but she says no because he sucks at it.

Kazuki tells Rei to give him special training to learn to play games and Rei's like "but aren't you going to work?" and Kazuki says he'll do both. Rei tells him that sometimes games are harder than killing people.

Rei teaches him to game and Kazuki works at bars and restaurants cleaning and cooking. He games during the day and works at night. Kazuki overworks himself and he passes out. Rei calls an ambulance for him. Kazuki wakes up in the hospital and realizes he's been working so hard at gaming that he hasn't even talked to Miri but she's sleeping on his bed at the hospital holding his arm. Kazuki tells her he'll make her whatever she wants when they get home and she says she wants french toast and Kazuki says that Rei's would be better but she says she wants his. She says both of their french toast are the best in the world.

At home they're eating french toast and Rei comments that their french toasts taste different. He's learned that making things himself feels different. Kazuki says he's learned something too. Working night shifts doesn't give him time to eat and spend time with them.

They start thinking of jobs he can do like a cleaning service or a private investigator. Miri is still eating and says she wants to eat with everyone (her friends) and they they realize they can make a restaurant. Miri says they can't because Rei-papa is unsociable. Kazuki says they'll give him special training for it.

Later when they're opening their restaurant they feed Kyuu-chan their french toast and they're very nervous. Kyuu-chan criticizes their customer service but says their food is good. Then a customer shows up and they welcome them to "Diner Nest"

a small thing that made me very very happy lately:

this weekend I visited a local park that I used to go to a ton as a kid. it was always a super cool place with a historical farmhouse, a FANTASTIC playground with a TON of wheelchair accessible stuff, a children's museum, and a really cool nature preserve with some paved paths + side trails into a forest that follows a creek down to a series of small caves. it was getting a little old and run down for a while tho. the barn started looking really shabby the past few years, the handful of outdoor pens for animals looked really overgrown and most left unoccupied, the playground was really worse for wear. but apparently they've been really fixing up the place this past year!! they completely replaced the old playground and the new one looks rad, and they even expanded it to include a whole bunch of stuff more made for older teenagers + adults! there was even this big like... it was almost a mini Zipline you could ride back and forth, with one line just having handles you hang from and one being a big hanging seat. Also of what I saw of the actual barn, it looks like they're really fixing that up too! the animal areas looked way better maintained and the barn itself was being repainted.

it's just super nice to see a place like that so well taken care of and maintained. and it was the busiest I've seen it in a while! there was a group of people LARPing in one of the fields just going to town on each other with foam swords, and there were so many people just messing around on the new playground equipment that I thought there was an event going on! but nope, just people outside having fun

if its not too much to ask, could i request mammon with a gn or male reader with severe anxiety and sleeping problems? but around him they're relaxed and playful and can actually sleep? i dont mind if its a fic or hcs, whatever you're more comfortable writing!! and if you dont want to write this, please feel free to ignore it! have a nice day <3

Kinda wanted to do them all sorry SOB;;;

MC has Sleeping Issues

--

Lucifer

You’re such a giddy and naturally optimistic character, it’s hard for him to imagine you’ve had any real hardships in your life. At least, not ones you couldn’t handle on your own.

He’s had his fair share of nightmares and bad anxiety over certain situations in the past. None could compare to the massive failure that resulted in him and his brothers falling, along with the death of Lilith.

However, he suppresses it well. He doesn’t expect others are always able to do the same. Which is why when you come to him at night, wishing to have comfort, from your bad dreams, he is quick to accept you.

When he’s got his arms around you, brushing the top of your head and humming to you as you drift off, you never felt safer. It seemed like the ceiling could fall away, but as long as he’s got you, he wouldn’t let go. With that, sleeping became much easier, and he expects you to depend on him in the future should you need to.

Mammon

He’s not making fun of you. Nope. He doesn’t really get nightmares or anything, no. He gets a fright every now and then, but he’s more likely to face his fears awake than he does when he’s asleep.

That is further proven when he finds you having an anxiety attack in the kitchen one night, by yourself. You had an intrusive thought about doing something horrible, and thus started to panic. What if you were sick? Evil? Worse than a literal demon?

He’s slow to approach you. He knows how these things work. He’s seen the twins have plenty when they first fell. He calls to you first, softly. Reaching his hand out and touching you next, before turning you to face him. He doesn’t move too much. He doesn’t want to scare you.

You hug him. Your arms squeeze around him, still trying to breathe but looking for any sort of physical comfort you can grasp. You found Mammon, and he’s found you. He doesn’t even know what happened. He just knows that you’re upset, and he wants to help you.

Leviathan

He lives with his anxiety. No doubt. But seeing you happy has always brought him comfort in some weird way. That it’s possible to be happy.

Even with as happy as you are, you have your downs too. In the form of an anxiety attack. It’s more than subtle- it’s almost unnoticeable. But not to Leviathan. He can tell by the way you tremble and lose focus. You were staring down silently at your lunch for a bit too long, blocking out any sound nearby.

At least until he put a hand on you. He’d scared you and you flinched a little too hard from his touch. He backed away in response and frowned at your reaction. He went to apologize, but his words came crashing together in an ugly fit.

In the end, you took his hand and quietly went back to eating. He wanted to ask what exactly was wrong, and why you just... spaced out like that. But he never liked when anyone asked him things like that, so he didn’t bother to ask you. Just as long as you went back to your giddy, happy self.

Satan

His room is always dark. And messy. Only lit up by magic and candles in certain places, it was terrifying to be in. The constant night of the devildom made his room a living nightmare for you.

Sleeping over in his room sometimes filled you with a toxic mixture of fear and anxiety. What if something was in there? Watching you sleep? What if it got to you while Satan slept peacefully nearby?

You sat up in your bed constantly, glaring into the darkest spaces in the room. Daring something to come out only for you to scream to alert Satan to protect you. But nothing ever came.

Instead, at some odd hour, Satan sat up and huffed. “Why aren’t you trying to sleep?” “Because I’m scared.” It wasn’t even you thinking for a moment. You were actively admitting to your fear of the unknown lurking nearby. With a defeated sigh, he left his bed and went to your side. He supposed he could stay with you until you fell asleep this time...

Asmodeus

Oh hell yeah anxiety. Please let it be known that even though he talks his game up BIG, he sometimes locks himself in his room and CRIES his eyes out.

You’re such a ray of sunshine in his life though, it’s rather hard for him to feel so down anymore. You two probably do cry together a lot.

He’s not sure why you feel so anxious sometimes. Is it RAD? Maybe him? One of his other brothers? What about life back at home? Whatever it is, he wants to try and help you. What cheers him up is a nice skincare routine, complete with a face mask to exfoliate his skin.

There probably comes a point where he doesn’t bother to ask. He just rushes you to his bathroom and the two of you blow off some steam. Either by bathing together, going to a salon, or just reading a magazine and filling out the silly questions.

Beelzebub

You and I both know Beel has horrible nightmares. Not often, but when they happen, it’s a dream usually about Lilith. Sometimes though, they’re about you.

He’s gotten accustom to holding your hand. Whether that comforts you in your nightmares or not is null and void in the moment. Beel is a big dude. If no one else has your back, Beel certainly always does.

To feel unsafe or insecure around Beel has to come from something he may have done, or someone or something similar to him, in the past. Maybe a societal demand for you to weigh a certain amount in order to be beautiful? He may not understand that himself, but would absolutely comfort you in it.

Should you feel as if something will creep up on you and attack, all it takes is a look from Beel to still your wandering thoughts. He will hold you close, and never let any pain find its way to you again. He’ll battle his own nightmares in due time, but yours come first.

Belphegor

Anxiety problems out the ass. We all know why. He has intrusive thoughts. He tries not to act on them, solely because he wants to believe he genuinely would know better. But he’s proven himself wrong.

He tries to keep his distance from you. He wants to be nice and get along, but he feels as though he may be unintentionally grooming you. To see you so happy all the time, even after what’s happened, it worries him. What he did was unforgivable, and yet you smile in his direction anyways? Truly, you must be Lilith’s descendant.

It’s when that happy smile breaks, and he finds you pacing the floor, holding yourself and crying, does he realize you’re not always happy. Maybe you were thinking about what he’d done to you and how absolutely fucked it was. That you can never feel safe around him?

His first instinct is to protect. He comes to you with arms open for a hug. The memory flashes in the back of his head. A offering of a hug, only to squeeze the life from you. He stops short and waits. Will you take his hug or back away? He doesn’t wait for the rejection and drops his arms instead. He looks away scared, as if he’s going to have another intrusive thought. But when you do hug him, it’s enough to bring tears to his eyes. It’s a full body hug where he can’t move his arms to return it, but he’s glad nonetheless. Glad you can find some sort of comfort in him.

I. (edited)

Osaka, 7:30 a.m.

You're already up cooking a healthy breakfast for everyone because today is the match between Schweiden Adlers and MSBY Black Jackals

You're so excited for this and you really want the team you're managing for to win, you're the manager of Schweiden Adlers

But the excitement is not alone, there's also this strange feeling that something might happen, bad or really bad. So now you're filling your head with questions like: What if you guys lose?  What if someone makes a mistake and gets hurt? What if someone is sick before the match?  You know the boys didn’t want to watch any footage nor didn’t want you to give them any informations about the other team because they want to play having fun and feel the adrenaline rush, they really don't want to know any weaknesses or strengths of the MSBY

Even if you think that they're so childish, you understand them, but you don't want to see them lose, because you know that they keep practicing really hard.

‘Okaasan (mom) what are you cooking?’

You turn around and smile at your princess, Kisara

‘I’m cooking pancakes, your favourites’

‘YAYYYY PANCAKESSSS!!’ your daughter cheerfully shouts

You chuckle at her silliness

‘Isn’t your onii-chan (older brother) awake yet?’

‘Nope’

‘Can you wake him up, please? You guys need to get ready’

She nods and goes off to their room

A few minutes later, they enter the kitchen and your son, Kazuhiko, runs towards you with a big smile ready to jump and hug you

‘OKAASANNN GOOD MORNINGG!’

‘Goodmorning, my handsome prince. Did you sleep well?’

You asked as you embrace him, then you sit him and his sister to the table to eat breakfast.

You go make your own breakfast and sit with them. You keep staring and smiling at the sight of your children eating happily and you just couldn’t help but feel happy.

They’re now three years old and they’re the reason for your sunny smile. You’re really thankful to have such wonderful blessings.

And honestly, you think that the more you look at them, the more they remind you of their father, Sakusa Kiyoomi, because they look exactly like two mini-versions of him, a little girl and a little boy.

You don’t know how he’s been in the last 3 years because you decided to not have any social accounts on the internet, and you also wonder how is his family doing, because it’s been a while since you saw and heard from them, unfortunately you don’t know any ways to contact them unless you go to their house, but.. you remember that..

After the break up, everything that reminds you of him is too much for your heart, there’s this feeling on your chest, it’s like a node that keeps tightening your heart the more memories keep playing on your head.

‘Stop thinking about him, nothing’s gonna change the fact that he left’ You tell yourself in your head

‘Mom, are you okay?’ Kisara worriedly asks

‘Yes? Ah, yes I’m okay honey, why?’ you reply back

‘Because you look really sad’ She answers back and starts getting sad too, while her brother is eating his meal nonchalantly.

‘Don’t worry, honey, I’m okay, finish your breakfast and go brush your teeth.’ You tell them so you won’t be late

‘Yes, mom’ both of them replied

‘Oh, right, your uncle Ryota will be back today. He will pick you up at Aunt Satsuki and then you’ll go to the Arena to watch the game, okay?’

They got really surprised that Ryota is finally coming home

They both yelled ‘OTOOSANNN (dad) IS COMING HOMEEE!!’ at the same time

You just let them call him ‘dad’. This started when one day they got home really sad because all the kids in the kindergarten got picked up by their dads most of the time and when the kids asked the twins why their dad never picks them up, they couldn’t and didn’t know what to say

They started to call him dad when you three were hanging out with Ryota and the twins subconsciously called him ‘Otoosan’ and he got really surprised, but he never denied nor told them that he wasn’t their real dad, instead he just let them

You’re really grateful, but one day they will find out the truth and you don’t know how will they react. You really fear that day, because you feel that they’re not going to trust you like they are trusting you now…

After a few minutes, you’re all ready to leave the house

‘Let me put your shoes on and let’s go to aunt Satsuki’s home.. also’ you said ‘also’ with a stern voice.

‘She accepted to look after you when she has no work, so you better not stress her out, okay?’

They nod really fast and nervously, but you find that really cute and adorable.

You are now having a conversation with Satsuki after arriving at her house, the conversation’s really going well that you have lost track of the time and fortunately Kagayema called asking why you’re not in the venue yet

After the call you say bye to the kids and Satsuki and hop on the car. Carefully driving fast the 20 minutes gap between you and the Arena

You surprised yourself by the parking you just did, but you don’t have time to congratulate yourself for the outstanding parking

You sprint to the entrance and look for the boys for a good 5 minutes, but you can’t find them so you decide to give up and call Kageyama

‘Yes, Y/N-san?’

‘Kageyama-kun, i tried to find you but i still ended up at the entrance, where are you?’ After that sprint, you’re trying to catch your breath

‘Y/n-san, are you okay? You’re breathing really hard, calm down a bit’

‘Yes, i’m okay. I just ran from the parking to here, by the way, are you coming here?’

‘Ah, i’m coming right now. I was just talking to some friends from high school days. I’ll let you meet them, is that alright?’

‘Yes, no problem at all’ Friends from high school? You ask yourself if he ever said anything about his high school days

You see Kageyama and someone else coming and you walk towards him

‘Kageyama-kun, i’m really *breath* sorry, I thought i was *breath* really going to be late’

‘Relax, you’re just in time y/n-chan’ Hoshiumi says while giggling

You don’t really get why he’s giggling, but then you see your own reflection on a glass, and your hair is really messy right now

Now that you know, you glared at him, giving him chills on his back

Hoshiumi stops his giggling and you go with them to the locker rooms, and Kageyama tells you to wait for a moment

Then he comes back with an orange-haired boy, shorter than Kageyama, but he’s really a sunny guy, you think that whenever he goes in any room, he could probably start a party, he’s like a sunshine

‘Y/n-san, this is Hinata. Hinata this is y/n-san, our manager’ Kageyama says while having some kind of competition

You greet him and say ‘Nice to meet you, Hinata’

Before Hinata could speak, Kageyama says ‘He and I were in the Karasuno volleyball club together’

‘Oh, so you were the one who considered Kageyama-kun as his rival, got it!’ You say jokingly

‘Well, he’s still my rival though, can you tell me if he’s gotten worse.. hmm.. how should i call you? He asks with a big smile

You say ‘I’m L/N F/N, but you can call me with my first name, Y/N’

‘Well, y/n-san, did Kageyama get worse??’ Why do his eyes have sparkles?

‘That.. you’ll see during the match, Hinata-kun, and you should be the judge for that’

‘I’ll see how bad you got, Kageyama’ Is this how their friendship works?

‘This midg-‘ Oh, he stopped himself.

‘Y/n, i’ll briefly introduce you my teammates, hehehe.. do you see that boy with piss- i mean the blond hair? He’s Atsumu’

You giggle to how Atsumu was looking straight to Hinata’s soul without him noticing it, and he continued introducing them to you

‘Hmm..’

You’re confused as to why he has stopped and you’re wondering if he’s looking for someone in the hallways

‘Are you okay, Hinata-kun?’ you ask him

‘We’re missing someone, where’s Saku‘ Saku? Who’s Saku? Is he someone new? you ask in your head

You and the others turn around when you heard a door opening and you heard a familiar voice, catching everyone’s attention

‘You’d better have all gotten your flu shots.’

That voice.. isn’t that..? There’s no way that’s him, right?

As you’re hoping that it isn’t him..

There he is, standing straight at the door, with his face mask on, the man you fell in love with, the man your kids asked for over a year, yet you couldn’t tell them about him, and also the one who decided to leave you to pursue his career as a Pro Volleyball Player

At the sight of him, you can’t move your feet, you’re frozen and paralyzed, you just keep staring at him and have so many questions filling your head

Then, after he finished scanning and asking everyone, he turns his head at you and sees your little figure, you can tell that he’s in pure shock and that he’s surprised 

‘Sakusa Kiyoomi’

‘L/N F/N’

You two whispered at the same time

masterpost | prologue | II. 

FACTS: 

Momoi Satsuki is another character from Kuroko no Basket and she was Kise’s manager in Junior High School 

Y/N was Kageyama’s manager in Junior High Schoo, and when she first Kise she got immediately comfortable with him because his childness/silliness reminded her of Oikawa 

The name ‘Kisara’ means ‘princess’ 

While the name ‘Kazuhiko’ means ‘a respectable man’

@rrroadkill @samwise-though @lola2001 @velociraptorenthusiast @mjade1321 @farmertoshi @kurosiee @googiembul @hohoshiumi @floralkawa @miwtze

Age | Ilpyo x Reader

(A/N: Yoooo, welcome to the first chap with my fav //obviously lol// Anyway, there's a little timeskip so if you wanna be specific on which era this takes place, it takes place after the Ragnarok battle. But no spoilers here so just consider it as a timeskip if you haven't read the webtoon 😁 Enjoy!)

Age is just a number. That's what many people say right?

Well, yes to some extent. But at the same time, you still need to respect people that are older than you. Especially in Korea, you still need to respect that person even if it's only by a year. That's why Ilpyo always reminds Mori to call him 'hyung' which is an older brother in Korean (although Mori never does) because it's a way to show respect to someone who's older than him.

However, because of this hierarchical culture, it can be difficult to get close to someone especially if the age gap is big. And unfortunately, that's what happens to him when he met you who are older by 5 years.

Well, calling you 'noona' is alright since that's how it works but at the same time, it emphasises that he is your younger brother because of this age gap. Of course, Ilpyo tries to change your perception of him to be your equal but it's not easy if you always consider him cute whenever he tries to act manly. Although it could be due to the fact that he's still in high school so you always see him as a kid.

Well, not today though. Ilpyo has turned to 20 which means he's officially an adult, at least almost on equal standing as you. So as a celebration, you visit his place to celebrate with his family and introduce him to the world of alcohol (lol). After that for some reasons, his family start to leave the two of you alone in the living room.

"So, what do you think of soju after drinking it for the first time?" You ask with a smile.

"Well, it's surprisingly sweet" He innocently replies "I thought it's going to be bitter"

"That's good to hear. Because if it tastes bitter, that means your life is so shit that the soju tastes bitter to you" You explain.

"Really?" Ilpyo looks unconvinced and rests his cheek on his palm "I mean I'm having a hard time since you still treat me like a younger brother"

"That's because Ilpyo is just so adorable~" You suddenly say in cute voice while cupping your face as if acting cute.

He sighs "I'm not cute for God sake. Can you see me as a man for once?"

"Hmm... I don't know~ I mean I just imagine when you're on hojosa mode and have those ears which make you even cuter. I still remember how fluffy it is when I first touched it" You say while looking blissful as you start reminiscing the first time you touch his ears.

Ilpyo looks slightly embarrassed since he gets reminded on that awkward situation when you start treating him like a cat which is way worse than a younger brother. From that moment, he swore to never let you touch his ears ever again. But anyway, it's frustrating that you just never see him on the same level as you.

"So am I never going to be a man to you?" Ilpyo suddenly asks and the mood instantly changes into a serious one as he gives a serious look to you.

Knowing that you shouldn't joke around, your expression shifts to a serious one too before replying "You're a man, Ilpyo-"

"But you never see me as one. You always think of me as a younger brother just because I'm 5 years younger than you. Besides, it's not like you act according to your age"

Now that last sentence just stings you like an arrow that hit your chest because not only it's humiliating but also the fact that it's true. You may be 25 years old but sometimes you act like a kid that you're the very definition of the fake maknae. Even Seung Ah is more of an older sister than you are.

"... I hate the fact that I can't talk back to you because it's true" You say unenthusiastically and sulk.

Ilpyo sighs "I just want you to give me a chance, especially that now I'm no longer a high schooler. I'm an adult, just like you"

You look unsure because to be honest, you do have feelings for him recently. It's just that because of the large age gap, you're feeling insecure at how you're going to be the old one first. When you hit 30, Ilpyo is only 25 which basically he's dating an old woman. Heck even by next year, you're already in the late 20s when he's still in early 20s. Besides, wouldn't it better for him to date fellow early 20s? Who knows there might be someone who clicks with him and he has some time to 'experiment'. Whereas for you, you don't have the time and energy because you prefer to settle down with 'the one'. Moreover, it would be good for his future if he can stay together longer with his partner-

"Noona, are you okay?" You snap out of your trance and look at Ilpyo who looks concerned because you've been quiet for a while and your expression turns grim.

"Y-Yeah, I'm okay" You smile "Sorry, my mind went somewhere else"

He sighs in relief before smiling "I'm sorry I ruined the mood, did I?"

"No, you don't so don't apologise" You say "Actually you know what, let's talk more about this"

"Okay.." Ilpyo merely says but looks slightly concerned on what you're going to talk about from this point onwards.

"So as you said, you're an adult now and you're right. But at the same time, there's a difference between us" You start explaining "You just enter adulthood while I'm already in this game for 5 years. And as your senior, I tell you that being an adult sucks"

He stays silent to keep listening while you take a deep breath before continuing "People start to expect more from you whether from the way you behave, your lifestyle, or your plan in the future. Of course, you can always be like 'Well it's my life so leave me alone' but to some extent, you're still pressured anyway. Recently, my parents and friends keep asking when will I get married because I don't even have a boyfriend and they're worried that I will be forever alone. Although I replied that I'll just accept it if that happens but my point is that things are getting more serious as you grow older"

You look at him before giving a tap on his shoulder "So, what I'm trying to say is that you should give up on me, enjoy your early 20s life, and meet the right person to be your partner okay? You better choose someone with a closer age to you than having a large gap like us"

"Nope" Ilpyo smiles and you pause for a moment since you're still processing what he just said before scolding him.

"Did you just listen what I just said-"

"I did but I still don't want to give up on you" He says "Besides, you were saying that your parents and friends are worried since you don't have a boyfriend and may end up forever alone. Then, date me"

You blush in embarrassment at his bold confession but then quickly return to your composure "No Ilpyo, here's the thing. I'm 5 years older than you. By the time you're on the same age as me now, I'm going to be an old woman. I will be 30 years old"

"So?" He merely asks as if there's no issue with what you just said.

"So, it's not right" You reply "Wouldn't it better for you to date someone around your age? You can be with them longer compared to me-"

"Because 'you're gonna die early' bullshit?" Ilpyo objects "You don't know that and I may die earlier than you"

"Yeah but still-"

"Besides, I like you because of who you are" He continues "So what if you age faster than me? So what if you could die earlier than me? You think I wouldn't consider that once I start liking you? I know that you want a serious relationship and I'm all in for that"

You become quiet because you couldn't say anything since he's right. You never know how the future will be like and you know he's not the type who plays around. It's just that.. Is it really okay to be selfish? Is it really fine to date him?

"And also at the end of the day, it's my life so you have no right to tell me to give up on you" Ilpyo adds "Unless you're interested in someone else or get married, then I will but otherwise, I'll keep trying until you change your perspective of me"

You look at him for a moment and yeap, he's dead serious before you facepalm "God, you're so stubborn"

"You just realise that?" He pretends to look surprised and you look unamused.

"Of course not. I know that you're stubborn but not this stubborn"

"Well, that's just how serious I am on dating you" Ilpyo says.

You start blushing in embarrassment and run your hand through your hair "Are you sure about this?"

"Do you really need to ask" He rolls his eyes "Then, what's the point of me keep liking you for two years despite how you always say that you see me as a younger brother?"

"I know but I just want to make sure because if you're really onboard with this, you'll never get to experience dating other type of girls and you'll accept whatever consequences that might happen in the future"

"Do I look like the type to experiment?" Ilpyo says "I only want you. End of the discussion"

You still look doubtful for a moment but then you slowly start to feel more sure since again, he's really serious about this "Okay fine... But really, it's going to be a roller coaster okay so you better be prepared"

"So, it's going to be a fun ride? I'm looking forward to it" He smiles.

"Well... yes but actually that's not what I mean-"

"Anyway, do you wanna sleepover tonight?" Ilpyo suddenly changes the topic and that makes you blush to the point your face is instantly red.

"W-Wait! Suddenly?"

"What? You sleepover at our place before"

"But I sleep with Seung Ah" You say "and this is going to be the first time with you"

"So you're not going to sleepover then?" He looks at you with puppy eyes that should be banned for God sake because you just feel guilty if you say no to him. Plus, you just imagined if he has that face while on hojosa mode.

"Okay, I'll sleepover" You end up giving in "But we're not going to do 'if you know what I mean'. It's just a pure, innocent sleepover"

"Of course not" He sweatdrops "I didn't even think of that since I just want to cuddle with you. Geez, how perverted you are"

"SHUT UP! IT'S JUST IN CASE OKAY? I'M JUST GIVING A HEADS UP" You retort.

"Okay okay, it's night already so calm down, (Name)" He pats your head and you quickly tone down since you feel embarrassed as this is the first time he pats your head and actually calls you by your name only.

"You're already adjusted to boyfriend mode so quickly"

"Of course" He smiles.

You sigh "Well, let's go to bed then"

"Sure, I'll lend you my t-shirt and pants"

"My God, this is really going too fast" You comment and as much as you seem to deny that you're not used to it, you do feel happy that you end up going with what you want. Plus, you never saw Ilpyo this happy throughout your life so it's adorable to see him like this.

"By the way, I think I can just borrow Seung Ah's clothes right?"

Ilpyo pouts since he wants you to wear his clothes and you sweatdrop before ending up wearing his clothes to sleep.

༄ are you mad? | 너 화났어?

Jungkook x Reader

➺ Word count: + 1k

╰Due to his PC being broken, Jungkook finds himself visiting the internet cafe daily for hours to play Overwatch. He's an outstanding player, by far better than many of his teammates and he carries his games, but there's one player he always encounters over and over again.

a/n: yooo! I've been itching to write this short thing for a while already! It's nothing special or anything, but I really enjoyed it! It was a nice change from my usual stuff! 🤧👌🏼

Start reading!

⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣

Jesus fucking christ.

„Fuck!“ he curses under his breath.

This is the seventh time he got sniped down out of the blue and everytime he peeks at the kill-feed, he's burning with rage.

It's the same name. All over again, he's getting killed by the same goddamn player. This has been going on since the day his PC broke.

How it broke in the first place? Well, in his opinion it was because of said player. Even while he was playing at home, he already got hunted down by that one person behind the screen somewhere in the world, making him question all the talent he actually has. At some point he got so angry that he lost his control and kept kicking his computer, loaded with rage.

This is now two weeks ago, and he can't get over the fact that this guy is better than him. Usually he would look up to these better than him, but with this goddamn little shit he just can't get any clear thoughts.

He's so fixated on finding the enemies' Widowmaker that he got too careless and- shoot.

„What the FUCK,“ he yells into his headset, having the majority of the internet cafe turning around and giving him looks.

This damn guy.

Venom. Once again, it was Venom that shot him down.

‚I'm so sick and tired of this dude. Jesus fucking christ.‘

Jungkook is far beyond reaching his limit. This has to be settled, once and for good. He's furiously typing something down in the game-chat.

[Seagull: yo venom, after this game, let's go 1vs1 and lets put an end to this. Its been weeks and you can't seem to fucking stop.]

[Venom: lol what you so triggered for. its just a game bro.]

‚It's just a game? Jesus christ. This... this dude really is something.‘

[Seagull: are you scared?]

[Venom: nope. just not serious about this game. but if you insist, lol sure.]

Jungkook is evily grinning to himself.

This will be the last time he'll get his ass whooped by Venom. That dude might be good with 5 other players on his team that distract Jungkook, but on a 1vs1 battle he definitely will have the upper hand.

„Kook are you sure you want to do that?“ Seokjin calls out to him through the voice chat.

„Yeah I am. I am so sick of getting my ass beaten by that kid, I have to.“

„Well, good luck, because the game's ending now.“

Jungkook doesn't fucking care. He just wants to settle this. He has to show off that he's better, he has to-

‚What the actual fuck?‘

Now he's really pissed. As soon as the game finishes and the ‚Play of the game‘ comes up, he has to fight the urge to throw away the keyboard.

The recap shows one of the many times Venom has shot him down, and it wasn't even a good one in Jungkooks opinion.

[Seagull: wow kinda sad that you got the POTG with that.]

[Venom: you butthurt or smth?]

„B-butthurt??“ he scoffs. „This little...“

„Well. See you, Kook. Good luck with Venom.“ Seokjin says and leaves the group.

He's waiting. He's waiting for Venom to invite him into a private game so he can restore his pride. He is butthurt, but that doesn't mean that he has to admit that to everyone.

[GROUP INVITATION FROM VENOM]

,Finally. Took him long enough.‘ is all he thinks as he clicks ,accept‘.

[Venom: widowmaker 1vs1?]

[Seagull: yes ofc]

[Venom: lol aight]

As both of them enter the game, Jungkooks fingers are itching to turn this around.

‚5...4...3...2...1...go!‘ the game counts down and both of them rush out of their bases to hide.

Jungkook is concentrating with all he has while he zooms into his scope as he tries to track down Venom.

„There you are,“ he whispers as he finds the hated enemy and slowly moves his cursor to steady his aim on Venoms head.

‚Gotcha!‘

Jungkook immediately takes the lead. He's feeling so content right now- they're roughly 20 seconds in and he already shot him down. Using the time until Venom respawns, he repositions himself and hides, scope fixated in the direction of the enemy's base.

‚Come out, come on, show yourself.‘

Just as he finished his thought, he gets shot, and Jungkook can‘t help but stare in disbelief. Where the fuck did he hide? Why didn't he see him? He hates to admit it, but that was a very good play.

[Seagull: yo wtf. that was actually sick,,,]

[Venom: thx broski]

[Seagull: nah we aint bros man. but still, that was dope as fuck.]

The game keeps going like this; both are pretty much equally good, and Jungkook hates that he realizes that. Well, at least he isn't worse. But what actually is worse, is that he starts enjoying playing with Venom. It has been ages that Jungkook met someone that could keep up with his skill.

It stands 29-29 right now, the game limit being 30 kills. This is now going to decide things.

[Venom: this is actually pretty fun. i mean, i have my cursor on your head for the past 2 minutes but i don't want to shoot, i'on want this to be over yet]

[Seagull: ikr, tbh i even feel bad for all the hate and the tons of reports i sent in because of you lmao]

[Venom: EXCUSE ME WHAT CNXND YOU REPORTED ME??? YOU ASSHAT I GOT EXP PENALTY BECAUSE OF YOU I—]

[Seagull: ,,,sOrry??? idk man you really pissed me off ajfksk i hated that you were better its not even that you were better its just that you were always so cOckY OOF i hated it but ur actually?? pretty fun??]

[Venom: lol i'm sorry but your reactions always were gold kfkdls]

[Seagull: yea i,,, i can see that LOL i got pretty worked up. I even crushed my computer in anger oops]

[Venom: you did wHat]

[Seagull: HFKDKDL LET ME BE]

Jungkook is smiling to himself. This guy isn't all too bad after all. Not even half as cocky as he thought. Maybe he'd even end up teaming up with him some time. That thought is immediately cancelled again, though.

Suddenly, his character falls, shot down by the person he just praised for not being as bad as he initially thought. Fuck that.

[Seagull: WHAT THE FUCK BRUH??]

[Venom: lol i thought i'm not your bro]

[Seagull: yEah NOT ANYMORE NOW,,,]

[Venom: are you mad?]

[Seagull: uhh y e s ?? I thought we didn't want to finish this fkdkls]

[Venom: IM SORRY BUT YOUR REACTIONS REALLY JUST ARE SO GOOD I CANT HELP IT-]

Jungkook sighs. He wants to be pissed, but he can't really. He knows it was just meant as a joke, but still, that means the game is over now, and he's kind of feeling sad.

[Seagull: yo... you maybe wanna stay in the group and keep talking a bit? y'know, just being on the title screen and ,,, t a l k]

[Venom: u mean voice chat?]

[Seagull: yea i mean if you want to,,,]

[Venom: uhh sure why not]

Jungkook enables the voice chat and waits for Venom to do the same.

As soon as he gets the notification that his new mate joined the voice chat, there's some sort of awkward silence; it seems like neither of them wants to go first, but then they happen to start talking at the same time.

„Uhh hello?“

„Uhm, hi?“

Silence. Jungkooks eyes widen an unreal amount and his mouth slightly falls open.

There are two things that he would like to point out. First, the voice belongs to a girl, which he didn't expect at all. But the second thing is, that the voice came from nowhere else than the booth right next to him.

He jumps out of his chair and watches as you do the exact same- and there you both are, looking at each other like two idiots.

„You- you're Venom??“

„You are Seagull? Dude we've been both coming here everyday sitting in the same damn places??“

„As if I didn't figure that yet. What the- so you are the person that keeps hunting me down?“ he says as if he's just figured out all the mysteries of the world.

„What do you mean ‚hunting you down‘? YOU are hunting me down!“

The both of you stare at each other, pouts on your faces before you burst into laughter.

What the actual fuck is happening right now? An hour ago he wished to rip the gamer that goes by the name Venom into pieces, and now he's standing infront of you and your smile and the melody of your laughter is sending his stomach tingling. Is this what people call ‚love at the first sight‘? Because if so, that's definitely what's happening right now. A girl? Not to mention a very beautiful one? Playing his favorite game almost better than he himself does? And on top of that she's funny and seems nice so far? He'd be damned if he'd let this opportunity slide. He could be living the dream of many, many men and he's not one to pass a chance he'd like to take.

„You know, what do you think about us just logging out for now and grab a coffee together? Getting to know each other and continuing our talk offline?“ he smirks, eyes big and full of hope.

„Hmm, I guess that does sound fair, I mean, I owe you one for all the teasing and for your broken computer, huh?“

„You totally do,“ he says as a wide smile starts spreading across his lips.

Ava & James

Ava: It's probably a lost cause Ava: but I lost my bracelet when we went out Ava: I remember having it in the first club but not after that Ava: If you're in the 2nd again, could you ask? Ava: No doubt it's long gone but James: I'll ring, I know the owner James: but I'll need a description, I don't remember what it looks like Ava: Thanks Ava: [sends picture like oh hey remember this face] James: [a long enough pause for him to have been trying to find this bracelet everywhere and she probably thinks he's fucked off] James: sorry, no joy Ava: Oh, no worries Ava: Cheers anyway, like James: did you go anywhere after? James: you could've had it on longer than you think Ava: I've already rang Kings, in case I left it in the dorm or something but no luck there either James: none with uber either James: kept me on hold for ages to let me know they don't have it Ava: Ugh, sorry Ava: Don't worry any more on it, it isn't sentimental or anything like that James: it was kind of a helping hand honestly, youngest liked the music they played, a very impromptu lullaby from an unexpected source Ava: Well, who knew hold music was good for anything but rage quits Ava: Unless they're now having a really angry nap James: 😂 James: that'll more likely be me later Ava: If you're lucky, yeah? James: if it hasn't run out Ava: Surely not James: they've both got some kind of hangover detector James: I'm sure you can imagine Ava: I've spent enough time with my nephew to know Ava: No sympathy from a toddler James: indeed Ava: Look, I don't know if I should even bring it back up but I'm sorry for how things went down that night James: I don't get caught up in regrets, remember Ava: I remember Ava: But I didn't Ava: I don't have bad intentions or anything, that's not me James: you've not struck me as someone who does Ava: How do I strike you? James: It was agreed I'd need longer than an evening to answer that Ava: I suppose Ava: First impressions can still be a thing James: it was a good first impression Ava: I'm glad James: but you're also sorry? Ava: I can't be both? James: you can Ava: So, you aren't sorry Ava: but are you glad? James: I can't be Ava: Yeah Ava: that's why I can't not be sorry James: It's me who should be sorry Ava: That's up to you Ava: if you don't do regrets you don't James: my actions don't only affect me Ava: I know Ava: Well, you won't get any trouble from me, like I said, not about that James: there's a line drawn under it James: you won't get any from me either James: [lies because you know he's bought her a replacement bracelet so she'll literally get that like the next day, boy we see you okay] Ava: Okay James: it was fun while it lasted, don't beat yourself up any harder James: the big glasses were cute but you shouldn't have to keep them on indefinitely Ava: Jesus Ava: Don't you know you're meant to pretend you didn't see that James: but walking around with your eyes & mouth closed all the time is very exhausting & I haven't had my nap yet Ava: I also have no sympathy for you, idiot James: I think you have some, but I don't blame you for not wanting to give it to me Ava: Nope, none Ava: I promise Ava: no space in my head James: oh Ava James: you have my sympathies, in that case Ava: Don't James: you don't want them? Ava: Let's say I don't do sympathies James: understood James: they are easy to get weighed down in Ava: and so rarely sincere James: it's reminiscent of wearing wet clothes, people only really want you to take them off in order to spare themselves the puddles James: they ask you if you're cold but they care about their floors Ava: Exactly Ava: and floors are more important 'round here Ava: and anything resembling sincerity is as unsightly as a damp mark on your new carpet James: the content I'll require for my English degree is writing itself Ava: Is that what you want to do, really? James: it's a question that'll get answered as often as it's asked Ava: How often do you get told what you want then James: daily at least Ava: How often does it come close James: it has yet to Ava: Oh James James: you don't do sympathies James: please never change on my account Ava: It could be empathy James: but is it? Ava: We'd need another night James: how many more bracelets have you got to lose? Ava: 😂 Ava: What kind of Chelsea girl do you take me for? James: you heard me say it was a good first impression Ava: 😏 I'd take a bow but can't risk losing any more jewels today James: we'll pretend you really did Ava: If that's what you're into, II James: what kind of Kensington boy do you take me for? Ava: Won't be the first to have a #scandal James: no trouble, need I remind you Ava: Just hypothetical, obviously James: you just hypothetically wanna know what I'm into? Ava: I just hypothetically hit the nail on the head James: if that's what you think, Ava Ava: Go on then Ava: Are you even gonna hypothetically tell the truth though? James: where's a hypothetical lie getting me? Ava: Away from hypothetical shame if it's weird shit Ava: I'm not one for hypothetical judgment though James: I'm not one for hypothetical shame Ava: Soooo Ava: 👀 James: I don't know, truthfully James: I'd need a whole hypothetical life, I suppose Ava: Fair Ava: It's a pretty bait question anyway James: you have an answer though, I can tell Ava: Singular? Ava: How rude James: 😂 James: because one leads to another not because you're hypothetically uninteresting Ava: Yeah, that's right Ava: about to be so hypothetically fuming James: you can have as many hypothetical apologies as you have interests, okay? Ava: No need to change on my behalf, however hypothetical James: what makes you think a personality change would be required Ava: Apologies are awful close to regret James: I'm not saying them to myself Ava: Try it out then Ava: See if I'm into it James: I'm really sorry I had to leave Ava: Me too Ava: but I don't think I'm about it, so you don't need to mention it again James: if you don't want me to, I won't Ava: I figure you owe enough sorries to more important people Ava: I'm good, honest James: I'm happy to hear it James: & not looking to mess anything up for you, hypothetically or actually Ava: I know Ava: You haven't Ava: it isn't my business so you know, no obligation to answer Ava: but why did you get married so young? James: because I had a baby to raise that young Ava: Yeah James: I wanted to do something that would actually help, at least shut up our parents because there was no silencing all the horrible things everyone else was saying James: It wasn't fair to treat her suddenly like public enemy number 1, not for that Ava: That makes sense Ava: I can see the logic James: It was a mistake we both made, I couldn't just leave her to it James: but I don't know, maybe we'd have both been better off if we'd approached it differently James: as parents but not a couple Ava: Well, it isn't permanent Ava: You can still do that Ava: Co-parent, that's not leaving her to it James: She won't let that happen Ava: It won't be easy Ava: It's weighing up if the now is worse than how invariably shit divorce is James: every time I try to leave I'm not allowed to see or speak to them until I go back James: she gets everyone on her side, including my parents Ava: If you go through official avenues, she won't just be able to do that Ava: She can't say you're unfit because you're not Ava: That's so shit and Ava: not right James: but she'll get my daughter to say that she hates me & doesn't wanna see me by telling her that's what I'm saying, I know she'll turn them both against me long before anything gets officially sorted out James: last time I walked out she told Jay so many things that aren't true Ava: She'd say that to a kid? Ava: Her kid? Ava: what's wrong with her James: I've given up trying to figure out everything that is Ava: You can't do this forever Ava: You deserve better Ava: you don't get to fuck someone over because you have a kid with them, imagine it reversed, how much of a bad guy you'd be then, it's no different just because she's the mum James: I'll send them both away to school when they're older, but for now I have to do this Ava: How do you do it Ava: How have you lasted this long, never mind how long that will be James: I see my children every day, it makes everything else bearable James: & I know they need that Ava: Yeah Ava: They're the most important thing Ava: but you matter as well, you can't Ava: I don't know James: for better or worse, right? Ava: You don't get to pick one each though, like James: I made my bed, Ava James: everyone told me not to marry her but I did Ava: 'cos you thought it was the right thing Ava: it shouldn't function as a lifelong punishment James: I never thought it was right James: I just wanted to be a better dad than I've got James: & that was the only way she'd let me Ava: That's a good reason Ava: even if it turned out not to be the best idea James: bad ideas have been around longer than she has James: I can't remember when I last had a good one James: I'd have been younger than you Ava: It's hard to make them when you have to commit to the worst, like Ava: you've gotta do something for you Ava: just 'cos you wanna Ava: or you'll lose it James: I will if you'll meet me for coffee James: I wanna see you again Ava: Okay Ava: I'd like to see you too James: tomorrow? Ava: I can do that Ava: What time, I have lunch at 1 or I can do after 5 James: lunch works Ava: Cool Ava: Looking forward to it James: I am too Ava: 😊 James: [when you're gonna have to go so far away for your date so you don't get spotted lol] Ava: [honestly should defs say its a school day so you ain't getting back for afternoon classes but that's not so wild anyone is like hello??? but start the sneaking as you mean to go on] James: [literally gonna spend half her lunch break on-route in the car cos London so we gotta but at least we can say it's an uber mood again so he's not driving] Ava: [I'll do some before 'cos like is he gonna show nerves] Ava: We still on for lunch time? James: nothing else has come up Ava: 👍 Ava: I'll book my ride James: I'll pick you up Ava: Are you sure? James: sure that we don't need 2 separate ubers going to the same place? yes Ava: fair point Ava: but I'll definitely get the coffees then James: no you won't Ava: The post came before I left this morning Ava: you really didn't have to do that Ava: but you did, so I can definitely get you a latte or whatever your particular shade of coffee is James: I didn't want leave you bracelet-less & me close to having a regret James: so I kind of did have to Ava: Well, when you put it like that Ava: thank you, it was one of my favourites actually Ava: didn't wanna push for that regret too hard though James: now you won't have to Ava: The coffee being bitter over the company definitely sounds like a better plan James: you don't have to order coffee, you know Ava: I'll probably get an iced drink of some description Ava: ☀🥵 James: too much sunbathing between classes? Ava: 😏 Ava: I'm sure the dons would say any is too much Ava: but I'm still pretty pale James: I'm correcting that to still pretty Ava: Gonna look like a 🍅 now James: who doesn't like 🍅? James: bloody marys are fantastic for one Ava: Now I know you have good taste James: in drinks at least Ava: and 🍅s thank you James: potentially everything but wives & uni courses Ava: Don't make me laugh because it's definitely not funny James: but hypothetically how smitten would I be if you did laugh? Ava: Oh, head over heels, of course Ava: like 👼s singing James: I thought so Ava: Don't wanna hypothetically disappoint James: it's not even hypothetically possible Ava: Your level of hypothetical trust is cute James: your level of hypothetical modesty is unnecessary Ava: Fine, but it's your fault when I don't fit my hypothetical hat James: I'll buy you a bigger one James: hypothetically Ava: You going to hypothetically redress me piece by piece? James: I'm not falling into the trap of you thinking I'm saying I need to James: there's nothing wrong with how you dress Ava: I'm not even hypothetically that sly Ava: Straightforward and to the point, yeah? James: it's what I like about you Ava: You're pretty good at it yourself James: game playing has never got me anywhere I want to be Ava: Games rely too much on chance and luck for my liking Ava: someone has to lose James: precisely James: as much as I'd potentially hate losing to you less than I would to lots of other people, it's still better as a hypothetical Ava: No games, I promise James: I'm taking that to also mean no more pool at the vault & you can't stop me Ava: 😱 Ava: You're really going to make me enroll just to get back in that VIP venue? Ava: Rude James: 😂 James: seeing you every day would be fun but putting fun ahead of all things academic gets you where I currently am in life James: I can't do that to you, even hypothetically Ava: You can hypothetically follow me for your next course Ava: I'm a great study buddy James: unless you're going abroad somewhere to study Ava: Unless you count SE as abroad Ava: lord knows many of our peers do 🙄 James: in that case, following you sounds close to a good idea Ava: 🤏 Ava: I'll find a way to hypothetically swing it Ava: the world needs your writing, II James: I've never been more devastated to have a job waiting for me that isn't strictly hypothetical Ava: I's doing, I suppose Ava: What are you going do instead of write your great novel about me? James: you'll have to look out for my self published works written by night under an obvious pseudonym Ava: I will Ava: Will you sign my copy? James: of course James: under your printed dedication Ava: I'll have to think of an excellent pseudonym myself James: can you do 1 other, simpler thing for me before then? Ava: I'm sure I can? James: order for me something you like James: I don't know what I want Ava: I like a challenge Ava: Okay James: do you want me to tell you if I don't share the liking of it or not? Ava: 'Course Ava: 'cos I need to find you something you do like James: if time doesn't run out Ava: We can have more lunches too Ava: as well as evenings James: that'd be good James: I'd hate to only see you in the dark Ava: That's mutual James: if I wrote us meeting exclusively at night everyone would assume I'd decided on a vampire novel James: so I'm happy to hear it Ava: I think its making a comeback Ava: and I'd definitely buy you as an Edward Cullen type James: I have no clue if I should be flattered or offended Ava: A potentially complex issue, a complex character beyond the sparkles Ava: I just meant you'd be eligible for dreamboat status James: you're saying I should make a detour to buy the book or download the film to my phone right now or I shouldn't? Ava: Will we have time to watch it together is the real question Ava: Because I have to pop your 🍒 James: is it a 90 minutes is all you need kind of film or 3 hours of lingering close ups? Ava: 126 James: I can do that Ava: Yeah? James: skipping a lecture I have no desire to be in to further my hypothetical masterpiece of a novel in the early stages of its development, that's a fantastic idea Ava: 💡 Ava: Was bound to have one eventually Ava: Let's do it then James: you're claiming not to have had any before now? Ava: In my life, obviously Ava: but with you? 'close to a good idea' is as close as I've got so far James: I won't deny you the opportunity to get closer then Ava: Thank you Ava: You can find out if it's only hypothetical that I'm unable to disappoint James: I feel like I already know that Ava: You've had a taste Ava: but you can have more Ava: if you want it James: I do Ava: Okay Ava: Good James: but it's never going to be as simple as words like okay or good Ava: It could be Ava: I'm not saying all the time Ava: or even that we can always give 126 minutes to it Ava: but whatever we can James: you can't say all the time because I can't ever give you all the time James: I can't give you any more gifts or regular dates or even selfies Ava: I know that Ava: I'm not asking for any of that James: but you should James: because you're free to do whatever you want with whoever you want Ava: Exactly James: why this? Ava: because you need somebody Ava: and I like you James: oh Ava Ava: It is as simple as that James: I'll try that out, see if I can believe it Ava: I know nothing else is but Ava: why not Ava: I want to and you don't need to buy that or promise time you haven't got James: for as long as you want to then Ava: for as long as you need me then James: no because James: my life isn't going to change Ava: James James: you don't know what she's like but I know everything she's ever done or is likely to do Ava: People like that don't stop, I know that Ava: they have to be stopped James: there's no stopping her Ava: Well there's no stopping me either and I'm on your side James: you don't need this Ava: I told you, I like you Ava: I won't just turn my back on you James: I can have this car turned around, you don't have to do anything Ava: Of course I don't have to Ava: and neither do you, not with me Ava: you don't owe me anything, I'm just telling you how it is for me Ava: and I want to see you James: I want to see you too, more than when I originally said it Ava: Good Ava: Then don't turn around, yeah? James: I always do the wrong thing, I don't want to, to you James: so if you don't want me to turn around, I won't Ava: I want you to do what you want, that's all Ava: even if that was turning around, which, undeniably, would be shit but I'd survive Ava: but you wanna come, I'm almost 100% James: understood Ava: Okay Ava: I've got a great urge to tell you I'm not insane but that makes me sound more so so I'll just Ava: 😶 James: you haven't once struck me as being & I have some experience, as it were Ava: That's alright then Ava: It's a comparison I don't need, you either, I'm sure James: just don't insist I marry you & it won't ever need to be made Ava: Easy Ava: Got my word James: if only I had your skill at losing jewellery Ava: It is a talent, definitely; but unteachable? Nah James: now you've got a great urge to teach me something James: okay Ava: So many whims, only so much time Ava: Lucky I'm an excellent teacher James: very novel protagonist-esque, honestly James: you're earning your page space Ava: If fictional me gets slated as dull I'll have to change my pseudonym and run away James: you couldn't be hypothetically dull if you actually tried James: never mind close to anything else Ava: You always know just what to say yet I still believe it sincere James: it is sincere James: from the kings head shaving horror stories until now Ava: I'm confident believing it, and you Ava: because boys who always know what to say always say the wrong things James: maybe 126 minutes later I will have Ava: That's okay Ava: a mix of right and wrong Ava: that's real Ava: anything other and you're definitely up to something Ava: 😇 or 😈 either way James: I gave you a real tour the moment you asked for it, that's 😇 Ava: It felt it James: I'm not going to leave in the middle this time James: strictly end credits Ava: Don't promise Ava: that's practically begging fate James: well that's the last thing I want, my lips are sealed Ava: Your lips are Ava: 😈 James: if that means yours have to be described as 😇 I'm fine with it Ava: See? Ava: You're too good with words James: they're a very prominent feature, I couldn't help but notice Ava: I like that you notice Ava: Do it some more James: because I'm not sure I could stop if you didn't like it, it's a relief that you do Ava: Don't stop Ava: then I don't have to either James: very fair Ava: 😇 James: how far can we push that angelic streak to one side because I'm here early James: can you leave? Ava: Lessons are barely real at this point in the summer term and it isn't as if I've been paying any attention all day so Ava: Give me 10 to 'fake' needing to go lie down James: I'm not having any PTSD symptoms from being here quite yet James: take as long as you require Ava: Honestly Ava: Least it is undeniably too hot for the blazer so I won't trigger you into leaving without me James: I'm undeniably sure the way you wear it wouldn't make me wanna leave Ava: God, you are so distracting and fully aware what you're doing to me right now James: in 10 minutes, or preferably less, you'll have a car to lie down in should you suddenly really need to James: meaning I regret nothing Ava: Bad man Ava: The blush is admittedly helping my case here James: I'm not gonna lie & say if you aren't still wearing that I'll go without you but James: I do want to see it Ava: I'd say there's 0% chance of you not seeing it and a full 100% of me being unable to hide it James: 🍅 right, of course Ava: The dangers of being pale Ava: why I need this tan Ava: obviously James: how far does it go? is 😳 going to colour in your tan lines like a modern art piece James: if so that's a must for my book cover Ava: Well now we have to see how inspiring you find it Ava: even if you can't take any 📸 James: physically no, but mentally I'll take so many Ava: You're too pretty for photographs anyway Ava: you don't even look real in person James: how can you say that about another person when you look like you belong on a chapel ceiling or somewhere equally beautifully crafted? Ava: I Ava: I'm just Ava: on my way James: you can't miss me, the engine's on & the song choices are questionable James: it's very low profile Ava: Got to get the driver onboard, for future 126s James: I'll ask him if he has any knowledge of the Twilight soundtrack Ava: 😂 Ava: It goes hard, FYI James: he looked at me like he's a believer about that James: absolute Ava: Then we won't have to invite him to our viewing party Ava: Thank God James: it'd be taking politeness to new heights James: he is going to play it for us though Ava: I'm gonna tip him so hard James: It's taken care of by me James: you've agreed to hypothetically buy out everything in this coffee place in search of something I'll enjoy so Ava: Okay Ava: so if you're being polite then can I be slightly 😒 at his presence 'cos I really need to be alone with you right now? James: it's a reasonable request James: more so than the one I'd like to ask of you Ava: Go on Ava: There's clearly room and time for the unreasonable James: Ava, I hear how much you don't want to waste any of the borrowed time we're basically forced to be on, but can you please walk slowly for my mental picture gallery Ava: [Does, obviously] James: [😍 clearly as the twilight soundtrack begins to blast from this vehicle so casually] Ava: [and what a mental image that is, doing a mini run at the end 'cos excitement and nerves] James: [it's fine cos we all know he'd have to resist the urge to lowkey drag her into the car despite what he said, looking like you're getting snatched from the school gates lol] Ava: [thank God your teachers are useless and we can but hope there's no window some kid is staring that hard out] James: [just staring at her taking all those mental 📷s again though as soon as she's in] Ava: [the blush is so real and she knows it] James: [if she's blushing already wait until the kiss he initiates because obvs it'd be as hardcore as their first one but like it'd be so much more intense not only cos he wants her more but also because he wants more time to do this now. Everything would be so slow and deliberate like he's gotta savour every possible way he can kiss her and every possible tiny reaction each thing he does has] Ava: [well enjoy boy because she will be dying in all the ways like there's no hiding from the casual anticipation that has built up here] James: [they both just die there and then #plot twist] Ava: [or this driver reports you 'cos you've just picked up someone from school and started getting it on lmao, luckily you not being paid to think so shh] James: [oh my god imagine, please just drive and groove to the epic bops thank you sir] Ava: [she's 17 now we're so fine lollol] James: [he does not know that but I hope James does] Ava: [he's done a stalk, her bday wasn't that long ago in the feed] James: [true, I hope you had an epic bday babe] Ava: [no doubt baby, so we've got a pretty good plan of their afternoon plans, is there anything else we wanna say went down?] James: [good question, realistically they'd probably run out of time but also I am highkey so I'm like give them forever lol] Ava: [I assume he usually picks Jay up from School 'cos unless Chloe wanna turnt up at the gates why would she, so that'd be 3.30 say so they've got from 1ish, Chloe would still have the baby and thinks he's in class so we do have a fair whack of time] James: [not gonna let you waste all of that trying everything on a coffee shop menu, don't worry guys] Ava: [although a moment you need all the moments] James: [gotta find him something he genuinely likes cos his missus be ordering for him everywhere they go] Ava: [oat milk flat white] James: [chin chin gals] Ava: [But yeah I don't think we need a Chloe interruption this time 'cos he'll have a time he has to go anyway so suck it bitch] James: [there will be plenty of opportunities to do more of them anyway] Ava: [when your wife is controlling and crazy] Ava: [I was thinking for when we get the whole 'I don't think Jay is his' moment rolling, maybe if she finds out he's cheating again or whatever she does the typical 'she ain't even yours!' and maybe she's done it before so James just thinks she's bullshitting 'cos she's crazy but Ava is like hmm shall we like explore that though 'cos it's not 'neither of them are yours' it's always just Jay] James: [that is actually perfect though] Ava: ['cos it can escalate when she inevitably finds out it's Ava 'cos sleuthing or maybe at some point they wanna be out 'cos fuck it and she's taking it way more personal than any other girl and it's like why though so then the Buster link can come out even if she accidentally drops it 'cos so mad] James: [we all know Chloe is that bitch 100%] Ava: [🙌] James: [do we wanna do any more convo like once he had to leave or shall we post it and move on] Ava: [I'll do a lil bit 'cos straightforward, highkey and cute tbh] James: [allowing it] Ava: I hope I didn't make you late at all Ava: and that your girls like the Twilight soundtrack James: if they don't they've inherited their mother's bad taste & they've got bigger problems ahead than me being a few minutes late Ava: Obviously Ava: but I'm just saying, don't be too disappointed, no one can like it as much as you 😏 James: I don't believe that you don't like it as much as me Ava: It is more than just a hypothetical that I enjoyed myself Ava: soundtrack included but not my favourite part James: I couldn't possibly be disappointed by anything else knowing that Ava: Disappointment is not in my vocabulary right now James: you won't need to add it back in on my behalf Ava: I believe that James: when can I see you again? Ava: You tell me Ava: There are four more films James: 4? Ava: They split the last book into two, such a gimmick but you know James: I promise not to do that when I write yours Ava: Well, if I get to play myself maybe I won't mind the exposure 🤔 James: I'm not sure that I want to play myself James: in which case I would mind the increased screentime you'd then have with whoever does Ava: There's no finding anyone else with eyes as blue as yours Ava: Gonna blow the special effects budget James: 😂 Ava: I'm so serious Ava: and jealous James: I'll describe your eyes as bluer & your skin as more tan, if you like Ava: I like your candor, remember Ava: More than I'd like to be remembered as tanned and having the bluest eyes James: I'd like to remember you exactly as you are Ava: Don't say we have to leave it that long to see each other again James: not quite Ava: My parents have a 4-day business trip Fri-Mon, you could come over at some point then? James: the weekend is not going to happen but I can make Monday work James: Friday possibly Ava: Okay Ava: Not quite coffee shop level but we've got all sorts for you to try out James: you sounded like your brother then, almost James: not that he's ever propositioned me in exactly the same way Ava: Awkward Ava: I'll try and avoid that then😬😂 James: awkward will be if your parents haven't decorated since I was last there Ava: Thankfully they have Ava: and I haven't insisted on taking his room James: or your sister's? Ava: Spent loads of time in there too? Ava: no, I've got my own room James: not with her, obviously James: but you know how parties tend to overspill into every room Ava: 'Course James: are you going to have one? Ava: Undecided Ava: I'll have some people over at the weekend but it might be pretty chill James: is Teddy included in the some people? Ava: I don't know Ava: Would you like him not to be or? James: I don't know Ava: I get that it could be weird Ava: It's strange thinking how close you used to be with Buster James: but that was basically another life James: for me & for him Ava: Yeah Ava: well, I don't have to invite him, like I said, I don't even know what I fancy doing yet James: it's up to you Ava: I know Ava: It's James: it's not my business, Ava James: I shouldn't have asked Ava: No Ava: It's not not Ava: I know things are complex but I don't feel bad for her, you know Ava: I don't feel bad for doing it James: me either but not only because of the no regrets thing Ava: So it just feels weird to feel like guilty or something around your brother when I'm not Ava: He doesn't need to know and won't but it doesn't need to be any weirder than it would be if I dated any of my friend's siblings under more 'normal' circumstances James: understood Ava: Yeah? Ava: It's hard to explain James: I'm following it Ava: Not saying we are dating or Ava: you know James: I can't have a girlfriend, but if I could Ava: Really James: you'd be a good choice Ava: but I ain't James: why not? Ava: I don't know Ava: never mind James: Ava Ava: Ignore me, I don't know what I mean Ava: It's not important James: I don't want to ignore you Ava: Okay Ava: but we can talk about other things James: any topic you want Ava: Hmm Ava: Tempting but vague James: I assumed you'd prefer it over boring & specific Ava: A fair assumption Ava: What are you doing tonight though, ell me about your boring and specific James: I can't pinpoint specific dad duties as such, not with these two James: I could be gluing a doll house back together or walking an imaginary dog Ava: A handyman and a dogwalker Ava: either way, never a dull moment James: & that's without factoring in the possibility I could be dragged to a dinner party or subjected to guests arriving expecting champagne & nibbles with no prior knowledge or warning James: on any night James: how are you spending yours? Ava: Of course Ava: Expect no less from this town's leading socialite Ava: I've been summoned to a catch-up and 'homework' sesh as I didn't get back for last period Ava: the amount of messages, assumedly missed the second coming 🤷 James: I'm surprised you're not assumed to be too 'sick' to go James: maybe you shouldn't play yourself in my film either Ava: 😧 Ava: Um rude Ava: Maybe you need to try harder to make me 🍅 James: starting Friday or starting now? James: because how I would in person is not what I'm going to be able to do here Ava: Admittedly both sound intriguing James: so let's do both James: [sends her some kind of 💣🔥 sext because words are all they have as we all know what'll happen if you start sending pics, then she will and it's a whole dangerous thing] Ava: Oh Ava: and I was trying to avoid the cliche of telling you I missed you already James: there's no need to dismiss every cliche off hand James: some of them are good Ava: Some of them are very good Ava: remember when you write your book James: you'll remind me, right? James: I think we can assume too that writer's block isn't one of the enjoyable cliches Ava: I'll do my best Ava: Some protagonist I'd be otherwise James: very fair James: I'll do mine, in turn Ava: I have every faith in your way with words Ava: You've not gone wrong there yet James: [sends her another text because why not obvs, not like you're a busy man with a fam having an affair or anything] Ava: [God bless the multitask] Ava: James James: yes? Ava: It's going to be a really hard wait 'til Monday James: I'll fit you in Friday James: even if it's only an hour Ava: If you're gonna make it sound like a dentist appointment 😏 James: not the most original excuse but it'd still get you out of school Ava: Cheek 😂 Ava: My excuses are A* James: I don't doubt it James: but I don't want to find out by having you use any on me Ava: Just for you James: okay James: there's no excuses needed to keep posting selfies, is there? so I'll see you every day until Friday actually Ava: Of course Ava: Be dead suspect if I didn't tbh Ava: Can you post one? Ava: Even if you're in the background fulfilling whatever role is required at that precise moment James: for you, I will Ava: 😊 James: look out for it Ava: No.1 fan right here James: you're joking but you're not wrong Ava: Am I? 👀🤔 James: aren't you? Ava: I'll never tell Ava: Got to keep some mystery or who's gonna want to turn the page James: oh you want a mystery at the heart of this James: I see Ava: Does that not gel with your plan for the plot? James: I'll incorporate it after a quick brainstorm Ava: Hot James: 😈 Ava: Mhmm James: you're hot, I'm just lucky Ava: How so? James: to get to spend any time with you Ava: Oh please Ava: You're very good company James: most people are capable of being for a few hours Ava: Who do you know? Ava: Have to introduce me 😏 James: 😂 do you mind if I don't? Ava: I think I'll manage James: I'm happy to hear it Ava: For now, I need to be filled in on the gossip Ava: tell you if any of it is story-worthy James: do your work too please James: I'd like to follow you to a good uni Ava: Are you telling me what to do now? Ava: Don't hate that James: it's a nicely worded suggestion for now Ava: Noted 😇 James: you're going to be good then? Ava: I promised I'd be no trouble James: I know you did Ava: And I'll try really, really hard to keep that promise Ava: even if you make that difficult James: I'm trying really hard not to get in the car & come find you James: I don't think I have to tell you how difficult that is Ava: Damn responsibilities Ava: We can have all Monday though Ava: think about that when it gets tough Ava: I will James: I am Ava: 💙

Reset! Rant (part 3)

Chapter: 16

That familiar feeling of rage returned to him. His fist and teeth clenched and he had the urge to hit something, preferable someone. Bart was the first thing that came to his mind, but he had better control of his Impulses than his brother did. He couldn't let Thawne win.

This is another big hypocrisy moment. He is not better at controlling his impulses than Bart is. Whenever he gets angry, he starts insulting and picking on Bart. He hurt Bart before because he couldn't take Kon making fun of him, and while doing so, he made the mission more dangerous and more prone to failure. He let's his anger out on Bart every time, and he had multiple agressive outburst. He's not as in control as the story leads on.

Bart hopped to his feet and rocked on his heels. "I screw up all the time. Everyone says so. That's why I'm not supposed to do the hero thing without an adult. That's why I wasn't invited to join the Teen Titans."

"Are you kidding me?" Thad's tone was sharp and angry. "What business does anyone have in telling you you how to help people? What business do you have in even listening to them? I don't see you calling yourself Kid Flash and running at Wally's side like and obedient puppy. You're not a side kick."

...................................."In any case, we're more than capable of operating on our own. We don't need some nosy busybodies lording over us and expecting obedience just because of the legacy we inherited."

At the first glance, this looks like Thad trying to emotionally support Bart and make him feel better. At the second look, not so much. Let's untangle what exactly is happening in this conversation. Bart is explaining why he is still supposed to have adult supervision, namely because people think that he can't handle missions on his own and that he'll mess up. Then Thad argues that he's not a side kick and therefore no one should tell him how to do the hero thing. Which...doesn't really makes sense. It was said that the reason why people are convinced that Bart can't be a hero without some guidance is not because he's part of a legacy, it's because they think that because of his impulsiveness and trouble at focusing he will screw them up. They're not expecting obedience because Bart is part of a legacy, they're expecting a willingness of Bart to work with a mentor because he's not experienced enough and will mess up at being a hero, otherwise.

Thad is self-projecting here. If he didn't misunderstand the situation for being about legacy, he wouldn't have tried to make Bart feel better. I'm certain he's just saying this because he's angry about the legacy he is conected to. The only reason Thad rants about Wally is because it reminds him of his situation with his legscy, and not becaus he's mad at Wally for being mean to Bart. Again, Thad is doing this for himself.

Remember when I told you to keep in mind what Thad said about Bart somewhere in Chapter 11? "Bart lacks the capacity of forethought that is requiered in an operation like this"? Also remember how Thad is always insulting Bart's intelligence, criticizes him and says that he won't survive without him? So what about the "In any case, we're more than capable of operating on our own"? This is not Thad suddenly making a turn around and seeing the flaws of his thoughts he had earlier. Thad's always saying what fits his interests best. He changes his opinions on whatever suits him best at the moment. He's such an obvious hypocrit at this point. He's bending his opinions on whatever he needs them to be. This is one of the most in your face instance of Thad gaslighting Bart. Through denial, controdiction and lies relating to his actions and words, he's planting seeds of doubt in Bart. Thad is making Bart question his own perception of memory, perception of reality and his sanity, whether Thad is intentionally gaslighting Bart or not doesn't matter. It's still damaging.

Chapter: 17

Thad thumped his fist against the garage door. "At least I had Craydl before. Now, I'm stuck with you." He glared at Bart again.

Gosh what a horrible fate, Thad. I feel so sorry for you. No really, I can't fathom what an awful nightmare this must be for you! He can never be satisfied, can he? He can count himself lucky that Bart is tolerating his toxic behavior. He is stuck with Thad. Bart is the one who has to put up with his constant belittling and verbal abuse. No one forced Thad to stay at Bart's home, Thad just decided that it now be that way. If it bothers him so much he could've asked to stay with the Garricks. Which would've also made more sense for everyone involved because Jay has superspeed and can look after Thad in case he would try to kill anyone else again.

Also note how Thad is threatening Bart through his gestures.

"Besides, mom said I'm the big brother and that's what big brothers are supposed to do." Rolling his eyes, Thad snorted, "Thanks for the touching moment, but it's not making my situation any better."

This is a form of withholding. It's also condescending demeanor.

Thad clenched his jaw and fists and said nothing in return. He stalked back into the house, punching the doorframe as he passed by.

He threatens Bart yet again.

I'm pressing buttons", Thad snapped. "What does that accomplish? This-" He pointed at the television, "is frivolous. It does nothing!" Bart tilted his head, looking at his brother then the controller. Then, without a word, he punched Thad. Startled, Thad stared at him, and then noticed the surprised expressions on Jay's and Helen's faces. Bart stood up. "Well, aren't ya gonna hit me?" Thad eyed Bart warily and stood. "What is this? Is this a trick?"

"No I'm serious. Hit me." When Thad hesitated, Bart insisted, "Fighting game im real life. Right here." Helen sucked in a breath as she realized what Bart was up to. "Not in the house." Bart nodded and grabbed Thad's arm. "C'mom! I know a place that's still in Manchester." When they ran off, Jay tipped his head to Helen. "I'll keep an eye om them." Once the boys were sure that nobody other than Jay was watching, Bart faced Thad with a combative stance.

Thad struck with a punch and Bart blocked with his forearms. Jay stood aside and watched, ready to intervene in case the fight got out of hand. Every now and then, a particularly solid strike by either boy, he tensed up and stepped forward, but they would continue on as if there was nothing to worry about. As Jay watched, he saw Thad smile for the first time. It was a wicked, predatory grin, full of bloodthirsty pleasure. Bart wasn't smiling. Instead, it was taking everything he had to hold himself against Thad. Sparks of static and stray speed force lightning trailed after them. Then Thad slipped past Bart's defenses and slammed down with an elbow and up with a knee. The next thing Bart knew he was looking up at Jay's concerned face. The elder speedster held out an arm to halt Thad. Thad's yellow eyes gleamed and he was still smilling, spoiling for more. Jay held out his other hand to help Bart to his feet. "You all right, son?"

This whole scene is so wrong, in so many ways, for so many reasons. Yes, you read this right. Bart suggested that Thad beat him up in order to let Thad get rid of his anger. Jay and Helen hear this offer, and say fucking nothing about it. Once again, they're irresponsible and neglectful. Helen shows absolute zero concern for Bart's well being. For crying out loud, the first thing she says after she realizes what Bart's suggesting is: "Not in the house." I repeat, the first thing that comes to her mind after she hears that Bart offers getting beat up by Thad is: "Oh no! My poor house! Everything will be so messed up!" I mean, damn. You have to be a really neglient, bad parent when you're more concerned with the state of your house than with the physical and mental health of your child. Helen and Jay should have been disgusted and put off by this offer. Helen should have said something along the lines of: "If Thad has anger issues, then that is his problem to work through, not yours. It's not your responsibility to keep his emotions under control. You are not his personal punshing bag, and you shouldn't put his well being before your own. No one expects you to make sacrifices like that for him." But nope, she is more afraid of what will happen to her precious kitchen than of the fact that Thad might break every bone that Bart has in his body because he feels like it. They both know what Bart is suggesting, and they don't see anything wrong with it whatsoever. They should have been horrified by this suggestion.

And keep in mind: This all happens after Thad killed the clone and almost killed Max and Bart. Helen knew of both altercations. She knows how brutal and vicious he can get. She knows that Thad is quick to violence, so why isn't she more concerned? Wouldn't she be at least a little scared that Thad might kill Bart because he can't control his brutal urges again? The only resonable explanation I can find is that she doesn't care about Bart. That's why she let's this happen, that's why she allows Thad to emotionally abuse Bart and call him names right in front of her eyes. She never makes Thad apologize for what he does to Bart, not even once. I don't like accusing her of favoritism, but that is what it looks like. Seeing how dispicable Thad's actions and words are is not that hard. Helen should have noticed by now. Jay isn't much better in this. He watched until Thad hit Bart so hard that he fainted and collapsed. I know that I couldn't stand idly by while watching a kid beat up another kid until he lost his conciousness and still feel like a good person.

If you think that we've hit rock bottom yet with this scene, think again.. Jay's and Helen's complete lack of concern makes Bart's actions seem like this was a healthy, acceptable way of helping people deal with their anger. That this is something normal in a sibling relationship. Worse, that offering someone to hurt you so that they can relieve their anger is something that is expected of you. A relationship where one part is expected to take responsibility for the other's negative emotions is a twisted, damaging one. You get what this is saying? "Someone's anger justifies them hurting and beating you up." This is just as bad as "abuse justifies abuse" (Which is also being taught here.) God, those are terrible, atrocious morals to teach to people. What Helen should have done with Thad the moment he moved in with them was taking him to an anger management class and getting him a good therapist, not ignore/encourage Thad's abusive tendencies.

Jay sat down at the table. "He's not as mean as his brother though. That kid...For his own grandfather to make him like that..." Jay shook his head with a frown. "If I ever get a chance to meet that man..." He clenched his fist on the table. "I hope I never do."

"Same here", Helen replied.

Seems like Thad's not the only one who takes a liking to being hypocritical and two-faced. This makes total sense, talk about poor Thad and all the abuse he went trough, but completely ignore the fact that he is abusing and actively inflicting pain on Bart right now. They're furious about what Thawne did to Thad, but when Thad does the same things to Bart it's totally okay and fair. In case you couldn't tell, this is a shit moral. Stop trying to justify abuse by saying that the abuser has been trough a lot and just needs an outlet. Having been abused does not give Thad the right to ruin Bart's life. It does not give him the permission to be a toxic jerk to him. He should be held accountable for his actions. Abuse doesn't justify abuse.

Chapter: 18

"So, you don't know anything on how to properly maintain it." Thad snorted and rolled his eyes. "Wonderful. Do you know where engineering is? Take me there. I'll do what you neglected to do and actually learn about the mechanics of this ship." Bart opted to ignore Thad's nasty tone, brushing it aside as just how Thad talked.

....................................

"If I'll get lonely, I'll come visit." Thad snidely assured. Not wanting to listen to another degrogatory rant, Bart decided to just let Thad find the room on his own.

This is critizising and judging and a put down, delivered with a very very condescending tone and manner. Do me a favor and take a shot everytime you read the sentences "Thad snorted" or Thad rolled his eyes." You'll be drunk in no time, trust me. Bart has been exposed to Thad's emotional abuse so long that at this point he is willing to accept Thad's verbal abuse as normal.

Chapter: 19

Thad:"They probably got distracted by with something shiny."

Thanks again Thad, for enforcing hurtful insults and exaggerated stereotypes about people with ADHD.

Thad:"Moron! Can't you come up with something that simple?"

Again with the name calling and the put down linked to Bart's ADHD.

"He's a nuisance" grumbled Thad.

"Not that I've had much first hand experience, but that's what siblings generally are, from what I've heard."

"So wanting to strangle Bart is normal?" Cissi laughed. "Everyone's wanted to strangle Bart at one point or another. That's just him."

Oh now it all makes sense! It's Bart's own fault for being abused because he's so annoying! Remember folks, if you've been abused, it's your own fault. If you hadn't been so burdensome, they wouldn't have treated you this way. They can't be responsible for their actions, it has to be you! How can we expect them to control their impulses and get a handle on their anger? That really would be too much to ask of them. The victim is to blame for being abused, that's obviously the logical conclusion here, right? God I hate this fic so much.

This whole conversation serves one purpose: Normalizing and rationalizing Thad's repugnant behavior towards Bart. Look! This is how healthy sibling relationships work! This is how they're supposed to be! Except not really.

This conservation is actually very cleverly done, because it only shows Thad's oppinion while stimuntaneously making it seem like Cissi agrees with his values about relationships when she's really not. They're coming from two completely different points of views, but that is concealed here.

Starting with the "He's a nuisance."

"That's what siblings generally are."

I get her statement, there will be many times when one can get annoyed with their sibling and not find themselves in an abusive relationship. Every sibling pair fights and argues, that's in the nature of things. It only gets problematic when that's literally the only thing you do. When the only thing you are to each other is an annoyance and someone to get mad at. When every encounter with them ends in hurtful words and accusations. Indicating that your brother/sister is sometimes a nuisance in a playful, teasing way is fairly common in healthy sibling relationships. "Those 5 minutes before you were born? Haha, those were the best 5 minutes of my life." Something like this is normal. The problem here? Thad doesn't mean what he says in a sarcastic or playful way. He's completely serious with this. This is all he sees in Bart. An annoying idiot who always stands in his way. There's no sympathy and no compassion for Bart. Only unjustified resentment and hatred. See, in a positive brother or sister relationship the individuels really love each other. Despite the jokes they sometimes make about not wanting the other around, they see more in their sibling than an annoyance. Thad doesn't, and that's what Cissi misunderstands. Thad is dead serious about his feelings towards Bart in this conversation. All he sees in Bart is a nuisance he has to tolerate. He has nothing but contempt for him. He doesn't try to see more in him than that. Thad has no right to complain about Bart. He has been nothing but nice to him. Despite all the shit he put Bart through, despite Bart still tolerating and trying to support Thad in every way he could, Thad somehow still has the audacity, the arrogance to make himself out to be the victim in this situation. Thad is an abusive jerk to him, if anyone has the right to vent, it's Bart.

Moving on to the "So wanting to strangle him is normal?" argument. Feeling a desire to hurt your sibling 24/7 just for existing isn't normal. Cissi means what she say in a more playful, harmless way. None of Bart's friends would go through with harming Bart because he was annoying them. There's a big difference between wanting to do something, and actually doing something. Moreover, Cissi doesn't get that Thad would like to hurt Bart all the time and not only when he was being annoying. Thad wants to hurt Bart even when he is nice to him. Thad means it in a "If Bart looks im my direction one more time I might strangle him and I really don't care if I accidently suffocate him and he dies." Cissi doesn't. Thad is aggressive and violent to him for absolute no reason. The emotions Thad feels towards Bart aren't normal, not in the least. Stop trying to justify his abusive behavior.

And, I think this goes without saying, hurting someone solely because they're annoying you isn't okay, either.

Okay so how about a thing where everything g goes to shit. Maybe Enoch and Elliot are out camping for a weekend (fall is the perfect time for camping) and they're telling ghost stories and stuff and eating the food they brought. But they didn't store something right, and it's gone off. Only one of them end up eating that though. Or maybe they picked something up just before leaving who knows. Anyways, they're hiking and the sick one has to stop and throw up/is really dizzy and stuff like that.P1

PART 2 And the not sick one hears them being sick, and runs toward them only to get badly injured somehow [there was a hole and their foot got caught and broke their leg/a camouflaged bear trap was set and he tripped it/sprained his ankle really badly on a root/anything in that vein that would make him have to be carried] so the sick brother ends up having to carry the injured one, stopping periodically to get sick. And it's just a ~Bad Time~

Omg, first of all, I love this prompt SO MUCH. Thank you for sending it in, and thank you for giving me a chance to torture my babies!

                 Elliot has begged, and begged, and begged, and begged his brother to go camping withhim. He used literally every excuse in the book, “It’s for my botany homework,”“The changing leaves make the perfect camping scenery,” and even, “You need toget out of the house for once.” Enoch tried to get his brother to understandthat he didn’t go outside because outside didn’t have internet, and withoutinternet he couldn’t do his job, get paid, and pay the bills – but of course,Elliot wasn’t having any of it.

                 Onday five of his twin brother’s nagging, Enoch finally broke down and agreed togo camping – but only for one night. They hadn’t gone in years, not since theirfather sent them away to summer camp (and forgot to pick them up when it wasover); and even then, Enoch really didn’t ever remember it as being “fun”, buthey, whatever made Elliot happy.

                 Andoh boy, was “happy” and understatement. After everything was packed up, andthey had left the car and started venturing into the woods, Elliot’s face litup. Every tree, plant, and shrub they came across, Elliot would inform theother of the name, if you could eat it, and its origin. Enoch would neverremember anything Elliot was telling him, but he didn’t have the heart to tellhim that – it was enough for him just to see Elliot so happy; which, if he wasbeing honest, wasn’t that often.

                 Afterwhat seemed like hours of hiking, and at least 20+ mosquito bites, the brothersbroke out of the dense woods and into a small, circular clearing. Enochimmediately threw down his heavy backpack, laid down in the soft grass, and letout a long sigh. When you sit in a computer chair all day and night, itshouldn’t be a surprise that trudging through the woods would be strenuous.

                 Elliot,on the other hand, didn’t even pause and began to set up the tent. Not once didElliot’s smile fall from his face, and that alone paid back what Enoch gave upto come out here.

                 “Ta-da!”Elliot yelled out, grinning ear to ear, and posing in front of the built tentwith his arms outstretched, “Welcome to Camp E!”

                 Enochsat up, chuckling, “Camp ‘E’?”

                 “Wellboth of our names start with an ‘E’ so it fits.”

                 “Alright,you got it. Camp E it is.”

                 Thefirst day in Camp E went off without a hitch. The brothers set up their firering, went out and found a stream play around in, and even saw a couple ofwhite-tailed deer. When the sun went down, the boys found out that the woodsdidn’t exactly have street lights, so they retired back to their campsite andlit their fire.

                 “Alright,chef, what’s for dinner?” Enoch washed his hands with water from their canteen,rinsing away all the dirt and grime from their day’s activities.

                 “Wellwe’re only staying for this night, so I only brought us each one meal.” Elliotopens his backpack and pulls out two cans, “Hopefully chicken and rice soundsokay to you.”

                 Enoch’srelationship with food was not a difficult one. You set food in front of him,and he’ll eat it. As a kid, he learned not to take food for granted. When itwas given to him, he’d better eat it because that could be the last time hewould get food for days. Despite having the same past, Elliot was alwayspickier, and barely ate much anyway, so he was the one that did all the groceryshopping; Enoch didn’t want to risk buying something his brother wouldn’t eat.

                 Elliotopened the cans and was preparing to cook them over the fire, when he stoppedand his eyes fixated on something, “Uh… Maybe we should just share one can.”  

                 “Don’ttell me you’re worried about the calorie count.” Enoch rolled his eyes, “Do youknow how many we burned today? There’s no way I’m only eating half of aportion.”

                 “No,calories aren’t the problem…” Elliot explained, “This one says it expired acouple months ago.”

                 Enochlet out a laugh, “As if. Canned goods last forever.”

                 “Idon’t know, Enoch…”

                 “Look,if you’re worried about it, I’ll eat that one.”

                 Ellioteither didn’t want to argue, or he thought that was a fair compromise, as hestarted to cook the cans over the fire. They both scarfed down their food, and made s’mores for dessert. For thenext hour or so, the brother’s sat there, the fire casting warm, dancing lightacross their faces, and told each other ghost stories. When Enoch saw thatElliot was thoroughly spooked, he called it quits, and they headed to bed. Assoon as his head hit the pillow, Elliot was gently snoring. Enoch thought thatthe forest would be quieter than their loft apartment, considering it was rightabove a main street in town, but the sounds of all the bugs screaming, and theanimals skittering around in the fallen leaves, almost made him crazy. But, theevents of the day caught up with him, and his heavy lids couldn’t stay open anylonger.

                 “Gooooooodmorning!”

                 Thesound of shouting startled Enoch out of his sleep, his body bolting up right,looking for danger. Instead, he found his brother holding the tent door openand looking in with a bright smile, that even rivaled the brightness of the sunshining behind him, “’Morning.”

                 “Sincewe’re going home today, I thought maybe we could take the long way back to thecar. Apparently there’s a small waterfall if we keep following the streamnorth.”

                 Howcould he say no? “Sure, sounds good.”

                 You’dthink Elliot won gold medal in an Olympic sport with the way his face lit up.

                 Themorning started off rather slow. They tore down the tent, and made sure thefire was securely out, and without hot embers. With everything taken care of,the brother’s started on the trail.

                 Awhile passed by, and a cold sweat started to break out all over Enoch.Something wasn’t quite right with him, that much was sure. The water he haddrank from the canteen this morning was sloshing uncomfortably around in hisaching stomach, and despite his sweating, he felt extremely chilly, to the pointof being wracked with a violent shiver every couple minutes. He cleared his throat,“Hey, how long did you say this hike was going to be?”

                 “Mmmm,”Elliot paused in thought, “Maybe about three hours in total?”

                 Enochhad to suppress a groan. Oh well, he’d gone through worse. Compared to some ofthe shit that they both went through as kids, hiking with an upset stomach wasa walk in the park.

                 Itdidn’t take more than an hour for Enoch to realize that: Nope. He was wrong. Hewas going to die. The ache in his stomach, had now developed into a full on,gut-wrenching pain – sharp and twisting. His shirt was sticking to his backwith sweat, and every so often, an acidic burp would burn its way up histhroat.

                 “-och?Enoch!”

                 “Wha-What?”Enoch’s head snapped up, his eyes meeting with his brother’s.

                 “Youhaven’t been listening to me, have you?”        

                 Wait.Was he angry? “Sorry, I was taking in all the… nature, and shit.”

                 “Sureyou were.” Elliot picked up his pace, and began walking quite a bit ahead ofEnoch.

                 Enochthrew up his arms in agitation – what the hell did he do? Enoch kept his eye onhis brother, but let him throw his fit of dependence.

                 God,when did the sun get so hot? It was the beginning of November; it should bechilly at least. Enoch’s breathing was hard and labored, coming out in hot,short bursts. Enoch checked the temperature on his phone, and it read 43° F. Then the brightwords on his screen blurred together, and he stumbled into a tree. He grippedonto it, using it as support to hold himself up as he tried to make sensethrough his muddled vision. His head was spinning, like he was on a boat, likewaves were moving him up and down, and up and down, and up-

                 Enoch slapped a hand over hismouth as he gagged loudly. The dizziness didn’t let up, and his shouldershunched up again with another gag. A wave of hot, acidic liquid spilled outbetween his fingers and splashed on the dead leaves below him. Enoch moved hissoiled hand out of the way for the next batch of vomit that quickly followed thelast. Despite the uncomfortable warmth he was feeling earlier, he wasuncontrollably shivering now.

                 “Enoch!”

                 The sound of his brotheryelling his name ripped him out of the hell he was currently experiencing.Enoch wiped the vomit from his mouth and his hand, and called out to hisbrother with a raspy voice, “I’m coming!”

                 “Are you oka- AGH!” Elliot’sworrying voice was cut off with a sharp scream of agony. Enoch’s heart fell outof his chest and landed in the puddle of vomit beneath him.

                 “Elliot?” Instead of ananswer, he was just met with another pained scream. Enoch took off running inthe direction of the sound he thought and hoped he’d never have to experiencein his life ever again, “Elliot!”

                 Finally, Enoch found hisbrother, crying and clutching his leg in pain, “What the hell hap-“, but thenhe saw it. The metal, and the blood. Sharp, silver edges of a bear trap hadbitten through his brother’s jeans and straight into the skin, “Oh, fuck, okay…okay. We’re going to have to get this off of you.” Enoch gingerly laid hishands on the trap to get a good look at it, but just the light movement wasenough to cause Elliot to let out another scream.

                 “Fuck, I’m sorry!” Enoch tookin a deep breath, trying to quell the queasiness that was still washing overhim from earlier, “Look, this is going to hurt, but as soon as it’s done we’llget you to a hospital and get you some great painkillers, a-alright?” Elliotwaited a second before giving a brief nod, “Okay, then… let’s do this.”

                 Enoch’s hands were shaking sobad, but he was able to get a firm hold on the trap to see what’s going on. Thetrap was imbedded in the middle of his calf, with his foot on the flat pan ofthe trap. Alright, he could do this.

                 “Elliot,” he looked at hisbrother’s tear filled eyed, “listen. I’m going to push down on these springs oneach side of the trap. When I do that, it’s going to loosen the jaws, and I’mgoing to need you to pull your leg out, okay? Can you do that?”

                 “Y-yeah.” The sound ofElliot’s pain filled whines broke Enoch’s heart. This is exactly the kind ofshit he wanted never wanted to hear again, not after… “Okay, on the count ofthree. One… Two… Three!”

                 Enoch pushed down on the metalsprings on each side of the trap, using his full strength and bodyweight. Theteeth of the trap slowly dragged themselves out of Elliot’s flesh, letting himpull his leg up and out of the metal contraption. Then, with the blink of aneye, Enoch let go and the trap slammed closed.

                 Elliot was laying on theforest floor, writhing in pain and gripping his leg. Blood had now coated hisentire pant leg, and was starting to color the fall leaves even more red. Lookingdown, Enoch saw that his hands were also covered with his brother’s blood. OhGod. Enoch stood up on weak legs, and ran to a bush just in time for anotherwave of vomit to spill out of his stomach. Enoch sloppily tried to wipe the bloodoff of his hands and onto his jeans.

                 “E-Enoch?”

                 He snapped his head back tolook at his brother. Elliot was trying to painfully drag himself on the groundtowards him, “Oh, Elliot, no,” Enoch wiped his mouth, and walked back to himbrother, “Don’t try to move.”

                 “Are you okay?” Elliot asked.

                 At first, Enoch just laughed,but then he realized Elliot was asking seriously, so he stopped. It was justlike his brother to worry about him when he was the one bleeding all over theforest floor. “Yes, Elliot, I’m fine.” Elliot tried to speak up, probably tocall his bluff, but Enoch didn’t let him have the time, “Here, get on my back,I’ll carry you to the car.”

                 “That’s almost two hoursaway!”

                 “Then we better hurry. Butfirst,” Enoch crudely ripped up his jacket and tied it around his brother’s legto staunch the blood flow, “Alright, let’s go.”

                 Enochwas pretty sure he was going to die. The sun was exactly on top of them, butthat wasn’t stopping his body from shivering. He felt absolutely terrible, andthe extra weight of his brother was just wearing him out faster and faster.Enoch was pretty sure he could feel a sticky liquid seeping into his pants legwhere Elliot’s injured leg was tapping his – but he just told himself that itwas sweat or something.

                 Elliot’shand reached around and slipped under Enoch’s shaggy bangs, starling him out ofhis thoughts, “Enoch… You have a pretty nasty fever.”

                 “It’sfine.”

                 “Andyou keep swaying and tripping.”

                 “There’sa bunch of roots and rocks.”

                 “Andyou’re really pale.”

                 “Well-”Enoch’s retort was cut off by a strong wave of vertigo that almost knocked himover. He roughly staggered over to a tree and held onto it’s rough bark for hislife. His vision was swimming, and his knees were buckling.

                 “-och?Enoch!” Elliot was screaming in Enoch’s ear, “Are you okay?”

                 Enochdidn’t trust himself to open his mouth to answer. He calmly sat his brother onthe ground, and stumbled away. His hands fell onto his knees and he hunchedover, gagging unproductively. Bitter tasting saliva that was pooling in hismouth splashed into the dirt and leaves below him. He felt so unbelievablysick. His shoulder’s hunched up to his ears and he vomited a small stream ofacidic smelling bile.

                 Elliotwas still yelling after him, worry clear in his voice. Enoch used his shirt towipe the sweat and vomit from his face.

                 “I-I’mfine.” Enoch walked back over to his brother, “It’s fine.”

                 “Noyou’re not, you look awful-“

                 “Comeon, it’s fine.” Enoch shook his head, “We’ve got an hour left to get to thecar, so we better hurry.”

                 Elliotlet his brother pick him back up and start carrying him back to forest exit, “Itold you not to eat that canned chicken and rice.”

                 Enochlet out a stained chuckle, “Yeah, maybe I should listen to you every once and awhile.”

                 “Foodpoisoning can be dangerous. When you drop me off at the hospital, you should goin and get checked too – at least to get an IV. You’re probably dehydrated.”

                 “Yeah,yeah, yeah,” Enoch shook his head. He knew that Elliot knew that Enoch wouldn’tbe able to go into a hospital, not with his record. It was way too risky,“Maybe.”

My mom worked in a bar, a bartender, weekend nights as she went to school to be a nurse. My dad just wanted to be a musician. So I grew up in the bar.

That's my mom.

So I met Jesse in the bar. He taught me to play poker. I was extremely skilled at it. So i became a hot shot at age one. I would win bets all kinds. Who would think a kid in diapers could win at poker?

They didn't even know i potty trained myself and didn't piss nor shit in my diaper but panties were too small for me.

So i wore a diaper.

My dad was in the military, too. But someone told him he could go with them to get a music career started.

That is how he got kidnapped.

My mom went to look... Followed the same guy into the parking lot and got kidnapped.

She left me in the bar. The guy said my dad was outside all drunk and bottled up. "Oh I'll be right back"

So I tended bar for the rest of the night. Locked up when everyone left. Slept on the floor.

I looked for my mom but it was cold and the air felt strange. Danger like. Still and eerie. Bad.

So i went in, shut the door and locked it. Yelled "mom i locked it but you can come in" just in case she could hear. May be she was in a car talking to my dad. I yelled for 10 minutes. A couple men went to the door but i refused to open it. Cried myself to sleep in the floor. Scared for my parents.

It was two days before anyone noticed it was weird I was making margaritas and serving beer. One and a half year old tending bar. No one thought it was weird . i was a hot shot.

I told every one I couldn't find my mom. They didnt care. Just another beer.

It wasn't till Monday night that any one noticed and that's only cause that's when the new bartender showed up.

So i helped her that night. She was impressed. When i locked the door from the inside and got myself ready to sleep in the same place i cried myself to sleep in before...

The door opened and light spilled in, "mom?"

But it was the late night bartender, "oh you." She closed the door and locked it. "You can't stay here"

"I can. I been here since Friday. I can lock the door. Im safe. I can be, too"

"There's kidnappers outside"

"Yeah since Friday and they took my mom and I serve them beer and they don't pay. Just walk out. I should beat them up"

She took me to Miss Leena's house the next morning. We both slept in the bar floor. In front of the locked door.

"Miss Leena, i don't know what to do" she said.

Miss Leena kept me in the trailer park. Out of foster care. Let me go wherever whenever.

I never saw my parents again.

I saw George a few times. But he wasn't a man. Some monster. Some sick in the head creep. This thing with legs and arms and a head. No heart.

That's when I learned the difference between a me problem and a you problem. Even when it came to families, there was rarely an Us problem.

He's been eradicated. There was no hope of healing him and i being able to tolerate him if he did heal.

My Uncle wasn't the best father. I'll be curt. But thats because he knew I had a dad out there somewhere. But he was the best father i had. He never hit me or sexually abused me. He defended me. Stood up for me. Took care of me and supported me.

He is a real man.

Point is. One day you'll be almost two years old tending bar alone. Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

And no one will care. They will think it's neat.

And yeah it is. Its fun doing moms job. And doing it well.

But comes the point that you're an orphan. Locked in the bar with kidnappers outside, crying yourself to sleep on the floor, in front of the door. Hoping you may not be. An Orphan.

Wearing the same clothes. Same diaper. And keeping it so clean that by Monday the late late night bartender doesn't realize you've been in them 4 days.

That photo above was taken the night she disappeared. I was in the bathroom. There's one of me with her, the same night.

The last photo we took together. Before I took one next to her coffin. I was two then.

The person sitting on Jupiter killed and raped her. For no reason other than he was outlaw Jesse James. So he named himself. He was rich. His father a store owner down the street. Sold groceries. Got women's names and addresses off checks. The son Jesse did.

Self-entitled Jack ass.

For no reason im an orphan.

If they were in a car wreck or something that would be tragic and dangerous. But murdered so the criminal wouldn't get in trouble for rape. Kidnapped for ransom the military refused to pay.

Doesn't make sense to me.

They never even bothered to look for my father.

I did. But by the time I found him, he was no longer a man.

"Don't forget i raised you"

I was 3. Half my life i raised myself and more than half the life i had with him he was working.

"I don't even know you -- Do you -- are you saying you want to come home?"

"Not yet im working"

"You want to come home and be my dad?"

"No I've told you time and time again I'm working"

What piece of shit says that. I spent nearly 2 years looking for him to take him home. He was too busy mopping floors?

I saw him again 5 years later... Just gassing people. Anyone he could get in a room. Like a Nazi. Kids. Moms. Didn't matter.

So i sorted out the evil ones for about a year so he wasn't killing innocent people. But then he turned on me. And I left.

He was gonna end up killing me. I called the police. Had him arrested.

Spent 2 years in The penitentiary.

I was 9 when he got out. We moved the year before so he couldn't find me.

I killed Pablo Escobar the year after he got out.

He did have ways to find me, though. Steal my kids and freeze them and put them in car panels.

Never made sense why he would. Just crazy I guess.

He used to be a good man.

But after he did that to me. He had to been eradicated.

He couldn't see past his crazy to ser his own daughter. I can see going nuts and being afraid to leave. But then...

Why attack me? Take my kids.

There was no reason

He took my father away from me.

He had no right to take anything else.

I grew up with a photo of him in our house. I don't know if he was crazy then. Evil.

I know I am. Crazy. But there's a difference between caring and not.

Her name was Deborah Anne. I think she was lucky to die.

My dad became a herion addict. Shooting up with needles 19 pints a day of black tar herion. Which pints is a term like nickel. Dime or quartet in marijuana. It means full 5 cc needle one hour a day sleeping 5 hours a day.

5 mL of black tar herion 19 times a day.

That's 95 mL of herion.

3.212 ounces

A cup is 8 ounces so it's nearly a half cup and you know sometimes he did at least 3/4 of a cup.

Not around me... Because.. One time i told him "why don't you just get a bigger needle? I mean syringe? The tube part?"

"Get away from me. You're not smarter than me"

"Yeah well sure but you're doing it every 15 minutes"

And while pints is a term like nickel or dime... My dad really did 19 liquid pints of herion a day.

So when I was around I made him feel dumb, insecure and selfish. So he did less.

"Who is taking care of you?"

"I work. I have a job. I make more money than you"

"I make none. You could make a penny and its more than what I -- hey you think you could buy me herion off the street? I think it's better than what i got. Or maybe not im told it's pure. Never mind you're a kid. No buy me some. I said buy me some. I didn't mean to grab your arm"

"Like a mad man all crazy? Because you did"

"I didn't mean to. I said i didn't mean to!" Injecting his arm again

"Hey fill these up for me again. Do something useful"

"Talking to you ain't useful?"

"Not if you want me to go home it ain't. I'm the boss"

"Give me the syringe. How come if you're the boss you're only bossing me? Where's everyone else?"

"At work they know what to do"

I start laughing. And laughing. "There is no one! I sent them home! All is left is you!!"

"Then I'll start gassing. If they escape i have to gas who is left and they start over"

"You could just go home like they do"

"You mean escape? I'll start gassing"

"There is no one left but you. Come on I'll show you"

"Nope bring them to me. Ill start gassing the place up let them burn. I like that. Like im a Nazi"

"The who? I'm calling the police" i pick up the phone "911" i dial im not playing. He's fucking crazy. "My dad said he will start gassing. Hes all doped up and" my dad stopped shooting up to stare at me "you don't know what you're saying!!!" He stormed the floor and grabbed the phone and hung up

"Don't you call the police on me again. Im just doing my job"

"You're shooting up" i stood to get the phone

He snatched it "I said do not call the police on me again!" He stood over me not like a threat but as a threat

"I'm gonna puke"

"And she did. You know you ain't gotta say every nasty thing you gotta do to me. Now that's gonna stink. Dad let's go home every two goddam minutes." He snatched the trash can from me and i fell. "Oh my God it's the police! How did they get here so fast?!?! You didn't even give them the address. They're going to think I'm herion dealing. And it's just for me!"

"Dad they're the CIA they're here to help!"

"Oh my God i was in the military. They don't care. Now it's the CIA. They don't care"

"Dad i care. Please"

"You're just a kid"

"I work for the CIA"

"No you don't. You're just a lying." He leans down towards me and whispers "why don't they just Come in?" And he shoved me.

He hit me in the side of the head. Covered my mouth with his hand. I shoved him off. He pulled me by my hair.

"QUIT!!!! IM SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT!!!"

He acted like i beat him.

"I'm opening the door stay calm" i opened the door. "Arrest him. I think he broke my teeth"

I held my face and felt sad

"Sabrina, I've seen you be hurt worse than that. Are you sure you're okay?" Asked Matt Hagan's FBI grandpa.

"Its just my dad. It hurts more because emotionally. Im going to cry. I'll just lay my head on This desk and cry awhile"

Of course my dad was out the next week to gas people and kill them. Of course he was.

"i don’t appreciate the fact that voluptuous bodies are praised only if there’s skinny arms, a flat stomach and a chiselled face but you want thick thighs, a big bum and breasts. but you also don’t want stretch marks, cellulite, scars. like how do you think bodies work" -marimopet. I think they're right, how about a headcanon of an insecure chubby mc that really likes to cover her body and is really insecure about being naked in front of them? (RFA+V+Saeran) Thanks! :D

Hecking darn, I’m so sorry that this took me so long. Please let me know if you’d like me to change anything. Also I’m 80% sure the formatting off on this, but I’ll be glad to change it in the future. Again, sorry for making you wait and much love!

Yoosung:

He was coming back from an outing with some campus friends when he saw you looking over yourself in the mirror

You looked slightly disgusted with your stomach and kept poking at your thighs

Your nose wrinkled a bit seeing them wiggle a little bit

Yoosung was really very confused so he called out your name

Jumping a bit, you turned towards him and apologized

“Nonononono, MC! Don’t say sorry! You didn’t do anything wrong!” he nearly yelled worriedly while hanging up his coat 

After he settled in, he practically ran to you in your room while you were hurriedly adjusting your clothing

“Why do you have look on your face?” “’Cause my thighs are really jiggly” “But you looked mad at yourself” “Well, yeah, I don’t like them all that much, Yoosung”

This boy was d e v a s t a t e d 

He pretty much threw himself on you to hug you 

“But MCCCCC, you’re not allowed to not like them. You’re really really cute, and so are your thighs!” 

From that day forwards, he would give you compliments on how you looked in outfits

8/8 would lay on you because you were “comfy and safe”

Never ever would pressure you to wear other things but would encourage you to like yourself a bit more

“C’mon, MC, if you don’t like the squish, then what kind of person are you? Squoosh is good. Squoosh is safe”

Would attempt to fight anyone that body shamed

May’ve tried to deck a fuckboy

dAMMIT, YOOSUNG

“Okay, how would you feel if I didn’t like my body?” “Yoosung, that’s completely different” “Nuh-uh!” “Fine, then I’d always tell you that your perfect, ‘cause you are” “See?” “Plus, if you thought you looked bad, then how should I feel about myself?” “Nope! That’s counterproductive!” “Then I’d always make sure that you know I love you and how you look” “Do you see now? That’s what I’m trying to do!”

Constantly would give really cute pep talks if you needed it 

No pressure if you didn’t want to wear something, but he’d make sure to tell you you were stunning

Zen:

Okay, when you were ever in public with this boy, he noticed you were a little anxious

He tried to ask about it but you always deflected it so he backed off 

There was one day where he came home later from rehearsals and you were sitting on the bed scrolling through some comment section of one of his fanpages 

Zen was worried considering your facial expression that looked like a mixture of sadness and something else he couldn’t place

You, on the other hand, were trying to laugh it off in your head

I mean, you were already struggling with self-image issues and you could laugh those off

These were different, though. They had usernames and pictures along with a few anonymous people

It felt like you were on display in some exhibit where people came to point and laugh

After he showered and you were still looking concerned while reading on your phone, he dramatically fell next to you on the bed

You brushed off anything he tried to ask so he went on the messenger to see if anyone had anything to say

It clicked with him once he saw that Jaehee was ranting about how rude some people were being on some fan blogs

“Hey, MC?” “Hmm? “Y’know you’re really beautiful, right?” 

You laughed a bit in response to that then stopped realizing that he probably wouldn’t like you finding humor in that

“I’m serious, you know. I’ve seen a lot of people through my career, but you take the cake,” “Hyun, have you seen my arms?” “Yeah, and they’re amazing!” “What about my stomach?” “A masterpiece!” “And my chins?” “Fit to be in a museum!”

Shaking your head, you wondered how you could wind up in a relationship with him and leaned over towards him

“You’re funny.” “But it’s all true! My princess is gorgeous” “Obviously not, considering what people say” “Yeah, well, screw those people. They probably have no joy in their lives. They probably think about dead puppies. Not everybody finds everybody attractive, too. There’s people who don’t think I’m hot as hell”

You fake gasped and he started laughing, no giggling 

shit, this was cute

The next day, he came out with a press release saying how much he loved you and that if anyone were to harass you and call themselves a fan, they could call themselves banned from anything and everything he could get them kicked out from 

Any time he could, he would tell you how good you look 

Would proudly say that he’s “MC’s boyfriend” and no security detail or workers would know you as “Zen’s partner” nope, you were MC, the partner of Zen

He would ask you before buying you any clothing he thought would look good

Would slap your ass if you said it was fine

Would also ask before he took any clothing off by tapping it

Everyone who needs reassurance needs a Zen

Because we all know he’s a fucker that’s into body worship

Jaehee:

You visited her at work and were currently spinning around in a desk chair 

When you were waiting for her to finish a meeting before you could see her, you accidentally took a magazine from the lobby

Jaehee was typing while you were flipping through it, waiting for her to go on her lunch break

You made an offhand remark about comparing yourself to the models and she stopped working

Looking up at her, you asked if she was done but she nodded and stood up to walk over to you

“You’re as attractive as any of those models, so don’t you think otherwise for a second” “Jaehee, I was just-“ “Nope, if you’re going to say it’s normal, that just makes it worse. Who cares if you’ve got rolls or extra fat? Sure as hell isn’t me, so you shouldn’t either. You’re more adorable and hot than anyone I’ve known, so I’m saying that your data is incorrect.” “But-“ “No, no buts. You’re wrong” 

Would stop you if you were going to make a remark towards yourself 

She probably has not liked how she looked in the past

If I were her, I’d be fucking dONE with those boobs

So she wouldn’t let you fall into that trap either

Would ask you little questions each day about how were feeling

Understood if there was a day you just really couldn’t like yourself no matter how hard you tried

Always there to tell you that you looked great

Took random pictures of you and would send them to the messenger to say how great you look

Just really supportive and sweet

Would also help you with clothes shopping, especially if it was in the women’s section

Nobody knows what women’s sizes actually mean

Seven:

If you thought you could get away with the things you said, you were w r o n g

“Hah, same,” you said as you pointed to a can of biscuits that popped 

(I’m sorry if that doesn’t make sense. I was referencing the pressurized ones where dough will push out against the opening and look like body rolls)

“Hah, no,” he said as he went to hug you“I’m the only one that can make self-depreciating jokes around here, MC!”

Saeyoung already knew that you didn’t like how your body looked, but hey, he’s gonna try his best to make sure you didn’t 

If you liked cuddling, he would always trace your stretchmarks because “They looked prettier than Elly!”

This shit was real if something was prettier than that cat

Would also smack your ass if he thought you looked better than usual if you said that it was okay

Also would stop working on something if he noticed you weren’t doing too well

Cheesy notes for you to find would be all around the bunker 

He would get rid of anything that made you uncomfortable, too 

Has hacked into social media accounts of people he thought were being douchebags to you 

If he knew it was a bad day, he’d just hug you to let you know he was there

Jumin:

Being around a bunch of people who probably had multiple nutritionists drew attention to yourself if you had to attend any parties or business meals with him 

You absentmindedly said something about it once you had both gotten home from a dinner party

Looking up to Jumin when he got quiet, you saw him with his head cocked to the side and a questioning look on his face

“But you’re far more beautiful than anyone there?” “Tch, I wish I was, Jumin. They’ve all the most expensive trainers and makeup artists to make them look far better than me.” “That’s the difference between them and you, MC. You don’t need anything like that to be stunning. I can get anything you’d like if it was something you enjoy. I could get all the best makeup for you if you were doing it for fun, not if you saw it as an improvement. You can’t improve perfection, my love.”

Realizing he was genuinely confused at how you could, you shook your head slightly

“MC? Is it alright? I didn’t think that you thought of yourself this way. It never crossed my mind, because I thought you were always more beautiful than anything or anyone else. You’re-you’re incredibly attractive, MC. I don’t understand why you compare yourself to them when you’re so much more gorgeous than they could ever be.”

Now, you were sniffling a little bit while noticing your eyes were about to spill over with tears

“Th-thank you, Jumin. That means a lot, really, it does. I always convince myself that you’d rather be with anyone else. I always thought you didn’t like how I looked with suggestions you made.” “MC, I’m so sorry that you thought that. I’d never be with anyone else, because they all pale in comparison. If you meant clothing I picked, I’ll make sure you pick most of it now. I just thought you always looked good in everything. “

From then on, you always woke up to a compliment either in person or part of a good morning text

All your clothing was to be perfectly tailored

He also made sure any department that needed models would have weight diversity 

Also fired any employee that made comments towards you or anyone else that wasn’t standard-model skinny

V: (This’ll be one of the few I write that he’s blind in)

He came back from a meeting and was slightly confused to not hear you 

You heard the door open, though, and tried to make yourself look presentable as you were crying quietly earlier

Even though Jihyun couldn’t see if your face was red, he could tell if you were off

Walking down the staircase to greet him, you were still clearing your throat and trying to wipe at your face

“MC? Are you alright? I wasn’t sure where you were.” “Yeah, it’s all okay. I was just in the room.” “Are you sure that you’re okay? You seem upset. I’m sorry if it was because I came back so late”

dAMMIT JIHYUN

“No, dear, it wasn’t your fault at all. I was just, well, I was kind of upset with how I look.” “But you’re very attractive?” “Jihyun, you can’t even see me.” “Yes, I can, just slightly, you know that. You’re really very good-looking, MC. I feel bad that you can’t see that in yourself. You have stunning eyes, and your cheeks are really soft and cute.”

You knew he was trying to help but sometimes you can’t think like that“Well, I’m still a fat ass.” “Fat doesn’t mean ugly. Fat just means you have more of a person to love.”After this conversation, you were pretty much dragged to the couch

Once you sat down, he practically fell on you

“Sorry! Sorry, I just meant to sit and then, yeah”

You laughed a bit as he moved a bit to still lay on you just more comfortably

“See, MC? More to love” “Yeah, but I don’t love it” “I really really wish you could, because I think it’s the best ever”

He was just trying to make you feel the best you could

After knowing you didn’t like how much weight you had, he tried his best to make you feel confident

Everything has its ups and downs, and he just wanted to make you feel as far up as possible

Okay, again, really very sorry for taking so long. I’ll fix anything that’s not good, and add stuff if I missed it. Bye, for now, nerds!