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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 9 months

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A Very Long, Personal [but positive] Ramble about Neurodivgerency and Character Hyperfixation

[u can ignore this if you want this is just an ADHD ramble - this is a kinda 'mask off' talk about ADHD, autism and my personal history with it all. I also talk about the upsides and downsides - and the importance of Hobie to me personally - I just wanna normalize this stuff lol]

a.k.a The story of how I sent from obsessing over him to HIM in 10 years (what a glowup on my part ik)

(I know a lot of peeps on here can feel self-conscious about being neurodivergent and character connection or whatever you wanna call it and so do I! So I wanted to write it out or just ramble for my own sake)

I don't know if it's obvious or not, but I LOVE HOBIE BROWN. I'm going to be completely candid - I think about him maybe 85 percent of the day if not more, and that's in no way an exaggeration.

No matter what I'm doing, there's a least one tab open in my brain thinking about him. It may not be the focus, but it's there.

That's just how I operate. And I've been this way for a LONG time. In fact, Hobie isn't my first 'total focus' character in Marvel.

I gain VERY deep hyperfixations on Marvel Characters, many lasting years. And there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it's rad!

!!!! ATTENTION: This is a whimsical care-free zone. For Happy Funny Folk !!!!!!!!!

Loki - My introduction to hyperfixation with characters

I don't know if this is surprising or you'd be like 'yeah u seem like the type' but I use to LOVE Loki. For YEARS.

I'm AuDHD and when I was 13/14, a freshman in HS, he was my hyperfixation. Eerything I do for Hobie, I did for Loki. I even had a Loki blog for like 3/4 years.

This was back in 2012-2013, when Avengers had just came out, and the MCU wasn't - well, the MCU yet.

But even back then, the Loki fandom was HUGE. I have no idea who was also on Tumblr back then but it was gigantic. Because movies weren't coming out every 3 months, it went on for yearrrrsssss. Art, edits, fics, everything.

I was soooo into, I loved Loki. Like Hobie, I probably thought about Loki maybe 85-90% of the day.

And sure I was doing a lot of other stuff but in the back of my head there was always the oc x canon storyline running in my head, or replaying scenes from memory and analyzing, or wondering and speculating about his character.

I mask very minimally or not at all - so everyone in my school knew me for it. And at the time I didn't know I was neurodivergent, but that didn't stop me - I was genuinely proud of it.

I wore Loki shirts to school and brought the Avengers DVD the day it dropped (this was back before streaming in ye' old 2013). I knew the Avengers movie back to front.

I saw Thor: The Dark World the day it released and SOBBED openly in the theater when he 'died'. (I remember my mom leaning over and whispering 'Do you wanna leave?' cause I seemed that upset lol)

And everyday I use to wear a necklace like this -

(credit IJSY on Etsy)

But in black, until one day I had it in my pocket and I sat on it in class and broke it in two. And people around me deadass were like 'daammnn I know that shit hurt in ur soul' cause I LOVED Loki and people knew it. And I didn't care if they did.

And I was like that for years. Overtime the Loki fandom fizzled out, especially around Phase 2 when things like GOTG first came out.

But I had a Loki fixation like maybe up until the show came out. And even then I've seen the whole thing (I ain't even like it that much 4.5/10) and I'm gonna watch the second one (I'm a fool)

But any way like to this day I still remember the first time I saw Loki and how it made me feel and I can like picture it in my head and I consider it a pretty influencial albeit mundane moment in my life.

And it was a very specific feeling but it was like as soon as I saw Loki's first scene in Avengers, I was plugged into the screen.

Other Hyperfixations - Charles Xavier, Peter Parker

All of my hyperfixations are on men in marvel and they have always been. There's been others I've cycled through, usually based on the newest movie. I even went through a LENGTHY and very in depth K-pop era (don't get me started).

Charles Xavier was a favorite of mine (from X-Men First Class), and I LOVE MCU Peter Parker. I still do. But none hit like Loki did.

There was never THAT feeling, like the fantastical electric feeling.

And I had never felt that feeling again UNTIL I SAW HOBIE (i wanna cry)

My fixation with HOBIE BROWN HOBIE BROWN HOBIE BROWN (sorry I can't say his name only one time im too excited)

In the theatre my jaw genuinely dropped like I'm pretty sure I said 'OH NAH' to myself when i first saw him

Cause he was the prettiest character I've ever seen and I mean that

I didn't recognize what that feeling was until just now like YES, it's the same feeling. And I can't even describe it.

It's like every other character is normal but as soon as you lay eyes on this character for the first time it's like suddenly they're under your skin and curled up in your heart and you can FEEL them and the weight of them PHYSICALLY like not body wise but like astral personhood wise (do I sound unhinged)

And Hobie was just so pretty.

First of all - I didn't know he was black fgsbtgtuiuigs id never heard of spiderpunk

The wicks were what caught me off guard first. I know what wicks are, I've seen them before. But never animated.

And although Miles and Gwen and Pavi all look realistic - Hobie looked real to me. The high cheekbones and broad lips, the raised brow ridge and wide set eyes - he looked different from them, not just in art style but like - I DONT KNOW.

But that's how it is, you know what I mean. There was just something in my brain that was like 'he has meaning to me'. Like 'Idk who this man is, but whatever story he's writing, I'm reading it'.

That's what hyperfixation feels like.

And Hobie in specific held and holds so much more weight for me IN ADDITION.

I started falling out of my Loki phase around Thor: Ragnorok in 2017 - which is to say I was varying degrees of 'obsessed' with Loki for about 5 years.

Around that time, maybe starting in 2015, police brutality in NYC picked up. Me and my friends started getting more radicalized, going to protests, and identifying as communists, anarchists, or both.

One of my favorite things at the time was The Black Panther Party handbook I'd found at a second hand-book store. And for a while the Black Panther Party was a special interest of mine.

It made me really interested in the 70's, the civil rights movement, and the rise of punk that happened at the same time. Around this time, I made my first 'battle jacket' with a patch that said "Black Lives Matter, Bitch." and begged my parents for a pair of doc martens.

I didn't have Hobie back then, but I have him now. And he still resonates.

There was very much a time where I was that homeless, punk teen, angry at police, who wanted to be taken in by my favorite heros.

My admiration for Hobie comes from like - everything he is. Everything he stands for and represents. I don't need Hobie like I would've as a teen. But I know deep down the healing he could bring other people as a comfort character.

Or even in terms of a good political example, or great rep for alt black people. All of it.

That can't really be said for Loki. Or Charles Xavier (even if X-men is a race allegory), or even Peter Parker.

I grew up in NYC all my life, and I LOVE Spider-man, but I never felt Connected to Peter Parker as if we lived in the same city. I never felt something in common with Peter even if he was broke too.

Hobie's just different, y'know.

The Downsides

It's easy to feel really embarrassed by all this - and even now I'm feeling shy even describing how it feels.

Cringe culture gets in your head before you know it. I'm CONSTANTLY telling myself 'no, Hobie would understand that you're neurodivergent and this is you expressing yourself he wouldn't think youre cringe youre not cringe okay' As if my comfort character Hobie Brown thinking I'm cringe is like jksjfkjf the worst thing ever - i can't, i can't with myself.

I genuinely want to hug Hobie more than I want to huge most celebrities or influential real-life people.

I genuinely think hugging him would be more healing to my being than hugging the Pope or the Dhali Lama or something. I admire him and care about him but he's NOT REAL. It's PARASOCIAL And like duh, I know that - i'm grown as fuck.

Sometimes it can genuinely get you down that you care about this character-person and you can't be with them

It's like you miss them. But they're not real and you don't know them. And I know that sounds tragic or bizarre. But it's kinda just weird. It feels weird not in a sad way, but in a 'why brain?? why is this possible in my brain?? huh???' way.

Like...I know it's parasocial, but like it's not like a fan and a youtuber. He's not real, I'm not giving him money or hurting anyone. I know there's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's just WEIRD.

Like... I know my cat isn't a person and mentally I don't see them as a person and can't like analyze them like a full formed person even if I wanted to. But with Hobie - someone who is not a person - my brain can???? Like I've never met him but like... I can imagine a full conversation with him beginning to end in his place of residence I've also never seen before??????? SO WEIRD.

Also theres that thing of him running in the back of my head 85% of the time.

Even if I'm talking or cooking or something, I'm still daydreaming about him - I have ADHD. And during those times if i'm interrupted and someone give me a THIRD thing to do (besides thing 1 and thinking about Hobie) I get irritated. Because now I have less brain room for Hobie stuff.

The Upsides

Now reading all of this you might be like 'sib this sounds like nothing but a problem r u okay' but I PROMISE ITS REAL FUN SOMETIMES

And it's nothing to feel ashamed of!

Now the last part was just a list of downsides, but the upsides are more things I can do because of my hyperfixation on Hobie that makes me happy

Like I said, I daydream a LOT. Like a LOT.

Mainly with OCs You can probably tell how much I like OCs, and how much OCs - even others', mean to me. And usually, my OCs are the ones who I see the in-media universe through. I don't have to think about making an OC much, for me personally they come fully formed. Because of this, while I'm watching movies I begin to have involuntary daydreams of where I can add in an OC, or what they'd be doing. I typically only do this for Marvel though. Hardly DC or any other media other than maybe Batman. For Loki, it was a character named Asdisira Heimdaldottir who I shipped with him. And for Hobie it's Diane Pastors (Disco-Spider).

And although I am in completely control of what these daydreams are, they are vividly realistic, and can come on at different times.

For me, it's while listening to music mostly. But anything can trigger it - from a good text post, to hearing a phrase. And these daydreams are extremely vivid. Most times, you can visibly see when I'm doing it. My eyes will glaze over or start moving as if I'm trying to remember something. Sometimes I may say 'random' phrases. I say lines from the scene I'm in outloud. (Like saying 'How could you!' in an offended tone to myself, if that's what the character in the daydream is saying). I also make facial expressions. I can do it on purpose, like hitting play on a movie and resuming where I left off. Usually, when I do this, I close my eyes. I much prefer to sit and do it without multitasking, but I often do it while doing something else.

These daydreams connect, and arcs/storylines can go on for months/years.

Usually these stories go on for months in IRL time, and span the whole history of the character. For Loki, I probably has Asdisira for 4 years at most. Which is still a LONG time. These arcs can take different pathways, and I may imagine a scene multiple times - in different ways, but usuall the timeline of the oc x canon stays overall the same. Sadly, I almost never write these down. I would pull my hair out and theres not enough time in the world for me to write Diane and Hobie's full narrative down in detail that does it justice. I wanna make a bullet list of their narrative but i dont wanna clog dashes

I can genuinely use them as a comfort character.

I don't need this much now, and nowhere as much as I needed it in high school, but having the ability to daydream vividly at will about a character you feel safe and happy with - it's dope. Sometimes it really helps. There were a lot of times I imagined Loki comforting me or showing me kindness or helping me calm down. And sometimes you can do it just for fun. Like, as a treat. Whenever. I'm imagining Diane and Hobie at a fish n' chip shop right now. It's drizzling outside and it smells like oil and Hobie douses his chips in wayyy to much vinegar. It's like I'm there. Like...I just do that. thats rad as hell. (and I don't know how to describe it if you can't do it but hopefully others know how it is but it's VIVID, like wayyyy more than any dream.)

Literally a walking fact book about them.

I'm smug AS FUCK. I use to love when dudes in high school challenged me about the MCU cause I wore a shirt. Like, oh buddy. Oh pal. Just you fucking wait. I know this character better than you know your own mother - try me hoe. I love reading characters like a book and rewatching scenes, breaking down motives, watching their movements, looking for patterns and drawing connections to real world history, cultures, or psychology. I LOVE watching behavior and personality in the movies, and making conclusions about where they'd come from, reasonably, for the character, and how it affects them outside the scope of the film.

And most of all - It's Free Joy we're almost at the end I promise

This is long as all hell and unlike my other posts there really isn't a neat little character study but uhhh I wanna end with this I guess -

The best part of it, is it's free joy. Literally.

My brain can do something a lot of others can't. I can feel a kind a comfort and understanding with a character, I can entertain myself and come up with amazing stories that have mean to me.

I can make wonderful worlds and all that without lifting a finger, and hangout with my favorite characters just by going

(literally how i be sitting there - professor x headass)

I hoping the fucking multiverse with my mind.

But there's nothing cringe about that. And there's nothing cringe about drawing Hobie for hours on end, by himself or with an oc. There's nothing cringe about thinking about them a lot, or wanting to buy or make a lot of merch.

We aren't hurting anyone. It's not like a celebrity or a youtuber. Nothing we're doing is taboo or anything we're literally just being happy. And squealing about a character we deeply love

Like..Golly if more mfers in this world were squealing like us once a week maybe they'd be happier, you know what I mean. People be walking around mad as hell at the world...like why don't you look at this picture of Hobie and calm down? That's what makes me calm down.

__________________________________________________

Anyway uh this is LONG and not connected much to ATSV but if you read down this low THANK YOU so deeply it means a lot. If you relate to this at all I'd love to hear.

And if you think I'm unhinged. Absolutely. But that has nothing to do with this and ain't nothing wrong about it, in the words of megan the stallion... 'ah'.

I leave you with this pic of Hobie goodbye :)

im using my magic autism powers to hold his hand :) now im giving him a hug im having fun

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letshaikyuu · 1 year

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Kita x affectionate Fem reader

> Kita Shinsuke headcanons.

a/n: hi. you might be asking yourself if this is real and oh boy, it is. while losing my mind over my exams, this request came and i was like let's give this a try, so i don't throw my laptop out of my window. where this might take us idk, we'll see.

warning: none; female reader. written for hs!Kita cause im not well-versed in the older versions of them.

×××

(mind you, i completely forgot about character traits, so i had to google his personality all over again)

So, i believe at first he'd not be very open to much affection from his partner. He's not that used to it, he's kind of shy due to you pressing your body so close to his, and he generally avoids too much physical contact.

With you two dating, Kita know he has to get used to your affection one way or another, but i think he'd ask you to tone it down a little - if this ends up making you upset, he'll feel super bad and ultimately agree to cuddle with you as a peace offering.

As we all know, he's super caring yet uses his words very harshly and straightforward. He's not afraid to ask you if you're generally so affectionate with everyone or you're plainly annoying him. Another "-♥" there, but he just worded his thoughts wrong.

He'd definitely find that side of you endearing (once he's warmed up to you and your actions), but then the jealousy comes in. He can be as calm and calculated as he wants, but if Kita really likes you and your the type to be so sweet and affectionate with everyone, then we have ourselves a problem.

So, if a fight breaks out due to him avoiding to admit his jealousy, it's all on him, babe. Kita is not dumb, so he'd immediately acknowledge his faulty words and try to explain the meaning of them - i can also see his ears starting to redden because 1. he's super embarrassed and sorry and 2. he's literally showing you how jealous he can be.

He's trying, folks. In the end, you somehow get past that bridge and reassure him that you'll only be so affectionate with him and in private. Kita couldn't be more grateful, really.

He later on learns there's nothing better than having you immediately run to him and into his arms once you two see each other for the first time in the day. The Kita back then wouldn't know what to do with his hands, scared of accidentally touching your breasts or butt in an inappropriate way. The Kita now is more confident in his actions, feeling a lot better once you're in his arms and he can envelope you in a tight hug.

The soft "hey, love" he'd whisper in your ear would make you melt every single time.

He also becomes used to you being around him in the kitchen; especially loves it if you give him a back hug as he's cooking and compliment him on the food he's making. Do point out the blushing on his ears because he'd get super shy then and it's adorable.

×××

ending note: i really hope i did him some justice, seeing as how i haven't written anything on this blog for like 2 years? idek, but hope you all are doing well and wishing you all a happy, healthy and successful New year!

#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #hq headcanons #inarizaki #kita shinsuke #kita headcanons #kita x reader #kita fluff #haikyuu x female reader #hq x female reader

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aspiring-holistic-otaku · 9 months

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Season 2 Ramble#6 - Just Jump In! ver.2

This month’s episode is about Shueisha publishing company's JUMP magazine line. you can use the link above or check the link in my bio to listen on other platforms 🍻

first some bare bones Jump basics:

What is JUMP? - JUMP is a magazine line with hella content for hella demographics and for the record they're not all comics, shueisha is actually a pretty diverse publishing company

Today though, we'll only be looking at two of their products. the Weekly Shonen Jump(WSJ) magazine, in print since 1968 with a main target audience of young boys, shonen literally being japanese for young boy, as well as their SHONEN JUMP+ app, which first launched in 2014 and has a main target audience of older adolescent lads.. The original + app is in Japanese as far as I understand but they released a follow up in 2019 simply called MANGA+.. also even though they have "main" target audiences they both have works that try to appeal to wider demographics + things sometimes move between lines or even appear on both at the same time.

This month I purposefully read manga from different time periods which gave rise to one mini section and three main sections which i’ll describe as I get to them

NOW JUMPING RIGHT IN!

New Manga Read This Month

mini section

Was this axed? Why was this axed?:

top 1

Magu chan: god of destruction(Kei Kamiki, 2020, 78 chapters)

this story follows the main heroine ruru after she finds and accidently unseals the now weakened god of destruction mag MENUek. not the best art or really the deepest characters but it's a gag manga. actually didn't think I'd enjoy this at all but it's pretty funny, got a lot of genuine hearty laughs pretty much every chapter... (pretty decent run at 78 chapters but after I finished I couldn't believe it got axed, definitely would've liked more but ironically it probably got axed because of folks like me...)

honourable mentions:

hell warden higuma, ginka & gluna, neolation

Ok so "main" sections now, starting with

Way Way Back (1960s - 1980s):

top 1

Mazinger Z (Gou Nagai,1972, 33 chapters)[Devilman Crybaby]

The story here is our mc, KOUji KAbuto, has a genius grandad who built the most powerful robot ever, Mazinger Z, but he dies in a sudden devastating earthquake before he can teach him how to use it. The only thing he's able to tell him before he passes is that with the robot comes power and with that power comes a choice, to be a god that saves humanity or a devil that destroys the earth.

Right off the bat the art wasn’t anything great or even particularly good but with really old stuff, especially things aimed at children, I think simpler art styles are to be expected. I did really like the robot designs tho, nothing too slick or fancy but they had an old quaint vibe like awww look at what grandpa drew…

The characters weren’t much either, as I said stupid simple story, giant robots doing cool giant robot stuff, so most of what would be the story of most characters was already in their designs like you see the main character and know they're the main character because he has that cool spiky cyborg 009 hairstyle etc.

not much more to say, kinda funny, surprisingly bloody given my perception of the time period and what I thought their perception of media was, especially media intended for kids.. but yh,, the whole manga can be summed up with giant robots have always been pretty cool… grain of salt though for those who plan to check it out, yes I thought it an enjoyable read but it was really only my top 1 because I could pretty much only find two things to read from this time period as the older manga are almost impossible to find on the internet.

honourable mention:

Dr.Slump (Akira Toriyama , 1980, 236 chapters)

Wasn't That Just The Other Day? (1990s - 2010s):

top 1

Bakuman(Oh! Great, 2008, 176 chapters)

Actually not my first time trying this, started back in hs but stopped for reasons I can't recall, I only remember thinking it was excellent which makes it all the more confusing but in any case I started over from the jump and I'm really glad I did.

This is a manga about making manga. I'm telling you man these Japanese dudes will make a manga about anything. trust.. Anyways the story here follows two main characters Mashiro and Takagi, and starts with them about to enter highschool. Takagi is the smartest in school since day one, expected to excel in life, and Mashiro has nothing. no goals or ambitions. he's just trying to come to terms with the mundane normalcy of life and society's expectations of what that should looks like. one day Mashiro leaves a book at school and Takagi, who unbeknownst to anyone is an aspiring writer, finds it full of amazing art and begs him to team up and make manga… Will they make it? and what exactly does it take to make it anyways? what even is "it"? (find out next time on read the manga and see!!)

Two things initially pulled me all those years ago, one, was a morbid curiosity, like I just couldn't fathom a manga about making manga being good in an entertaining way. like yh it's probably mad educational and it was, but as much as you can learn from any media the main reason I'm reading manga is to be entertained. two, oh! great did death note and again I just couldn't fathom the jump from mystery thriller about police vs death gods to this but man did they pull it off in style

First thing first the art was phenomenal as those familiar with oh! great works would expect. and I have to be clear, when I say oh! great does great art I mean Takeshi Obata does great art. oh! great is a duo between him and Tsugumi Ooba who did an equally good job on the story. like he basically showed us how the proverbial sausage is made without making us disinterested in the sausage. It actually instilled such a deeper appreciation for the process that I feel like all manga I read after this will be that much more enriching. especially shonen as the different creators in story debate and create what they think the genre should look like.

Great cast of characters, funny, serious, rivals, people you hated, people you loved, great sub plots that had them all interacting in a nice dynamic way, like it didn't feel like the two mcs were the cause and effect of everything. Great pacing as well as we get to see their journey from just trying something in highschool to getting their foot in the door in later years and so on. didn't feel rushed or dragged, it was nice to see a lot of the little ups and downs of life instead of just a cycle between highlights and rock bottoms.

I have to give fair warning and say it's pretty text heavy. even for something that's not kick and punch cause most of the time they're plotting out some manga or something but Obata really does a great job here making good use of panels and even speech bubble placement so it never really feels crowded unless it's meant to illustrate something like an argument or so. it also helped that despite his usual pretty realistic art style, he allowed characters to be toony when needed to lighten the mood or heighten some expression in just the right way

Honestly it's still so crazy that they pulled it off and pulled it off so well. I think ultimately it was the humanity of it that really tied everything together,, like yh they're manga artist but they're human first, and it's their human experiences that in the end feed into the art.

Talked a lot on this one.. that's why it was top 1 ig.. as usual I don't think I can speak enough to why exactly it's so great but yh… definitely highly recommend even if only out of morbid curiosity like you're thinking,, no way a manga about making manga is good. it is.

honourable mentions:

level e (Yoshihiro Togashi, 1995, 16 chapters),

Cowa!(Akira Toriyama, 1997, 14 chapters)

Hoshin Engi (...lol not that honourable ig)

...also just want to squeeze in that I actually tried bobobobo and wow… my brain may never recover…

What's Up Today? (2010s - present)

top 1

Astra Lost in Space (Kenta Shinohara on story & art, 2016, 53 chapters)

9 kids are brought to a nearby planet for a routine unsupervised camping trip as part of their highschool graduation. The future is wild. As plot convenience would have it, something goes wrong and they end up stranded in space. A rough enough situation on its own, but to make matters worse, the group finds signs that what happened was no accident and that the perpetrator is still among them..

Honestly a simple setup and premise, literally Lost but in space… not that I've actually watched lost but yh. anyways for as simple as the plot is the entire story wrapped up in 53 chapters anyways and they honestly squeezed every drop out of it that they could. What really stood out to me was how balanced it all felt.

As in the premise of being intentionally stranded is by no means unique but I feel like a lot of the media I've consumed around that tend to lean into one aspect more than others, like it becomes mostly about the mystery trying to find "whodunnit", or the focus becomes the sense of adventure, exploring the unknown and all that oor,, how it goes more commonly, in my experience at least, is a portrayal of the harshness of survival in the physical or mental sense.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that btw, the premise of being lost is used in many genres and it's up to the author to decide how much they want to lean into any genre. for example drifting net cafe, suicide island and dragon head are some lost horror type beats I've read, enjoyed and would definitely recommend.

In any case as I was saying about Astra lost in space, cause that's what I should be talking about here… is I loved how balanced it all was. Yes they're stranded and have to survive but it's not so overbearing that we can't take in the adventure of the unknown and yes we're seeing all these cool sights and different hypothetical evolutionary paths in space but also let's all be aware that one of us is probably plotting a murder yk? what tied this all up were the characters themselves like they felt really natural, yh a lot was going on but they're still just kids and they were sent out for a camping trip in the first place so come hell or high water they were gonna have some amount of fun or die trying. not that everyone was always on the same page and they didn't have disagreements and drama and so on but their individual quirks and character traits converged and diverged masterfully for a beautiful dynamic between the cast amongst themselves, and between the cast and their environment.

great cast and direction as I said, pretty standard art, nothing too crazy but it did what it needed to do, I also liked the little 4 panel bonus comics they did every now and then as well, all in all a pretty great read with some pretty neat twists I won't even allude to for fear of spoilers, especially for how short it was but yh, astra lost in space top 1 new read this month…

honourable mentions:

Akane Banashi(Yuuki SUEnaga doing the story & Takamasa Moue on art, 2022, ongoing 71 chapters)

'Tis time for "torture" princess ( Robinson haruhara on story and hirakei on art, 2019, ongoing 196 chapters)

Sakamoto Days(Yuuto Suzuki , 2020, ongoing 128 chapters),

ok now we're heading into

Manga Read Before This Month

(here I'll give less detail cause I would have mentioned a few of these repeatedly before + I want more of the shine on newer stuff tbh)

mini section

Was this axed? Why was this axed?:

top 1

Psyren(Toshiaki lwashiro, 2007, 151 chapters)

people are going missing and a secret society called psyren seems to be responsible. won't go farther than that but will say it's held up as one of the best shonen works I've ever read since the first time I read it in like 9 or 10th grade. still in disbelief that it was canceled cause you can barely tell when you read it. it's only after I finished it and was looking into some things I realised.

honourable mentions:

ayashimon, phantom seer, black torch

main sections

way way back (1960s - 80s):

top 1

Dragon Ball(Akira Toriyama, 520 chapters,1984)

don't think I need to say much here but I mention the sandwich of technique in the episode.

honourable mentions:

JJBA part1-3, Saint Seiya, city hunter

wasn't that just the other day (1990s - 2010s)

top 1

Rookies(Morita Masanori, 1998, 233 chapters)

delinquent baseball, real heartwarming story, great art cast and pacing, masanori really takes the cake when it comes to the delinquent aesthetic but yh… was my #2 in s1 ramble 12 & #3 in s1 ramble 1

honourable mentions:

eyeshield 21, slam dunk, Yu yu hakusho

what's up today? (2010s - present)

chainsaw man (tatsuki fujimoto, 2018, 137 ongoing)

look at the title lol

honourable mentions

fire punch, Tokyo ghoul series, My hero academia

other folks to check out on twitter:

https://twitter.com/KushiKuritikaru?t=2Tn-79ub0XyUqWM3XgEFWA&s=09

https://twitter.com/manga_crash?t=FzKQrpvb_rFwxHIe13Sqbw&s=09

then as usual I do a little part 2 where I ramble a bit 😅

thanks for reading so far, hope there's something that caught your fancy 🍻🍻🍻

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louisshomesharry · 1 year

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hi chloe❤️please amswer❤️

What would the situation tegarding larry look like if they were planning to come out asap? Like, a lot of larries seem to made their mind uo about larry not wanting to come out (due to a bad career), but the truth is we don't know. What if they are facing obstacles and need to deal with those first? Also, Sam smith and such also have a goof career and he is gay as well.

❤️

part2: chloe❤️ I forgot to add this to my 1st ask. What makes you and other larries think larry don't want to come out because they think their careers will be over? Liek, how did you guys come up with that conclusion?❤️😊

they know they aren't truly bound by any contracts at the moment (except maybe some 1d leftovers) that would make them not come out because they spent every day on this website telling you that louis and harry are in charge of their careers now!1!1 so the excuse is that they don't want to come out instead of having to believe that they got extremely brainwashed and manipulated and they are still being manipulated and abused by their teams in some capacity. For me these two have started to believe the lies that were and are being told to them about coming out being career suicide. Because larries don't want to think they are still manipulated by the people around them they've just decided louis and harry don't want to come out.

Some larries here are really happy with both louis and harry's stunts/closet as long as they keep prancing around on stage and releasing music. They love to put their own feelings and wants (music) before hl's needs and wants.

I agree with you that the "coming out would be bad for their careers" is incredibly stupid. There are plenty of queer folks out there with good careers and they don't have the fandoms that hl have. WOuld they lose a bit of money? would some doors close for them? probably but they would still be millionaires, they would still be able to tour and most important of all they'd be much mentally healthier and wouldn't have to carry the weight of their unsustainable closet on their shoulders.

Larries by saying that hl coming out would be career suicide every two days on their blog are just giving weight to the 1d/hs/lthq manipulation thus going from hl supporters to hs/lthq spokeperson.

#anons #but no one is ready to have this conversation #how fans now are making all of louis and harry's or any other artist' life about themselves #instead of the people they should care about

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dull-c · 2 years

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right so, i have had a Super Fun week archiving 40 years worth of actual paper author contracts for work (kill meeee) + sorting last minute biz for little sissas wedding. subsequently I have only squeezed in a few rewatches over the last few days, and am generally existing on caffeine and fumes, so there’s absolutely nothing of substance coming outta this head rn. but! regardless! some incoherent Thoughts on some eps from my one semi-functioning brain cell under the cut

previously on the bad show......... daniel: you look good man! you look hot, sorry i mean sorry you still, sorry- got you got that- you still got that great ass, sorry, i mean you look fucken edible, sorry i mean sorry i wanna kiss you johnny: [takes this personally for some reason] //there is no kissing and everyone is mad about it//

1x04 -“the 15 inch, that’s a nice machine” makes me laugh every time. ahh yes indeed the 15 incher. Yes. That one. Almost as good as the 250 GBer. i know about computers. what are the other staff in this store DOING -kinda home of sexual that billboard thing huh? you working through some stuff jlawz? i love the idea of him not only drawing a 5 meter long paint dick on daniel’s face, but also his karate pamphlets trailing behind him all the way like drunken breadcrumbs -i just need you to know that i laughed at every single dick joke in this episode

-gonna skip right past the poop thing i think -and kyler’s 30 year old HS friend -daniel reacting a normal amount to graffiti on his billboard, nothing to see here. he’s fine he’s fine he’s kicking drinks outta peoples hands he’s ruining livelihoods he’s fine -tom cole definitely voted for trump both times -i cannot tell you how angry i was the first time i watched this and that jlawz big “no do overs” speech was revealed to be directed at carmen and miguel. sir i know you got trauma but try that hard with YOUR ACTUAL SON please -daniel: that’s too bad :D that you broke up with kyler :DDDD really sorry to hear!! [is happiest babygirl alive]

1x05 -do some yoga jlawz, it’ll be good for you!! -oh no robby buying pizza for his ma. he got the one she likes. baby boi :((( -gonna scoot past the lynne stuff but i repeat, i’m glad they pumped the brakes on this shit in later seasons bc this aint it!!! -daniel raising the rent on poor folks and then deliberately going to johnny to rub it and/ or his wealth in his face is objectively some supervillain nonsense, but if they wanted me to not like him in this scene maybe they shouldn’t have made him look so hot. i’m very shallow and dumb and he look sexy when he mean -“i guess sam takes after her dad.” kyler’s a gronk but credit where it’s due, that was a sick burn.

-okay daniel talking to miyagi at his grave > cleaning out the dojo > going back to karate > panflutes > hachimaki etc made me do an embarrassingly big cry. my brain is not in any shape to verbalise this rn but something about him fucking up, realizing it and heading to a cemetery and talking to miyagi all vulnerable like that really did a number on my feelings, especially coming right out of the tkk movies rewatch. he misses him so much ;_;

1x06 -boooo kreese sucks, even in flashbacks and when I can’t see his face. -“my dad hates [daniel larusso’s] guts” ok was jlawz just talking about daniel constantly the full 30+ years?? no wonder robby is mad, if every time he actually saw him he was like “hi dad!” and dad launched into an hour long rant about one guy from high school he interacted with a total of four times and three of those four times was him beating him up -demetri is a big vibe. love my beloved garbage disaster man, but pretty sure if I met him irl i would pretty quickly be like ‘ok buddy, for sure! yeah strike hard totally. anyway…. [already out the door] seeya!!’ -daniel asking everyone to do karate with him including his employees trying to fill that miyagi void is such an understatedly sad part of this episode. my old mens both so sad. ilu please go to therapy -miguel and sam are freaking adorable awkward babies and i would die for them -robby trying to use daniel to get back at his dad and then instantly imprinting on him is so funny. being charmed by daniel larusso is in the genes somehow -(not to be shallow ((is shallow)) but daniel looks so baby in that bit where robby comes to the house) -you know that scene in not another teen movie where they’re like “oh my god she’s wearing glasses! and overalls! and her hair is tied back!!”? the Hawk scene gives that in reverse vibes. like GASP, he gelled his hair!! and put on skinny jeans!!!

1x07 -it’s a montaaaage! -miguel no offense my sweet summer child but do not ask jlawz for advice on romance. his idea of courting is just obsessively brooding about them for 30 years and then when he finally sees them again stomping on their foot and running away -daniel being like “it was a solid business plan!” (re little trees) is so so daniel. i am gonna chew my own arm off i love this bouncy little pretend guy so hard -the UST in the committee meeting is off the charts. please stop looking at each other like that in public (also daniel being like OH GIMMIE A BREAK when jlawz said ‘kreese is dead’ is honestly the funniest thing in all of season 1. maybe the entire series) -i’m getting ahead of myself, but the golf and stuff montage has made me think – it’s kinda weird that they went with ali and jlawz going there in s3, right? idk miguel and sam is a cute little parallel to the movie, but A & J going there seems…. strange to me. although not any stranger than anything else they’ve done re: the original movie ig? hmm. anyway! weird thought to end things on, but sometimes it do be like that. will resume normal rewatching transmissions on the weekend. might even have an actual coherent thought or two on something after I catch up on some sleep! i have high hopes

#claire rewatches the 35 year slow burn #rewatch 1x04 - 1x07 #tired edition

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templarsaint · 1 year

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Have you ever just opened up and let it all out? I’m 65 years old and I just did with my wife at the cooling down period from our last fight. I just now figured out that I’ve been a second or third class person my entire life starting with the first time I came to from a very hard backhand from my dad at 10 years old. He was military so between his hands and the military web belt I knew to keep silent and invisible when he was around. Serious girlfriends always dumped me for someone smarter, richer, or bigger if you know what I mean. Got married on the rebound to a girl looking to escape her parents and small town life. Had kids when she thought I might leave but she couldn’t handle the 0-1 year old stage so I did that. She always griped about the military and me being gone so I retired at the first opportunity. Yeah I tried to make my old man proud by joining up like him but not once did I ever hear him say that he was proud of me. After I retired moved halfway between my mom and my dad (north central texas) my wife starts griping that I’m around too much! She has an affair with a coworker and then one with my dad. We get divorced and the girls(jr high and high school) choose to live with me because I didn’t make them do anything. I did all the jobs that both parents are supposed to do(think laundry at a laundry mat, etc) and cooked after getting off work. Oldest graduates from hs and takes off with her mom and husband never to-be seen again. Haven’t seen or heard from her since 2000. I Get remarried just before Christmas 2000. Youngest daughter is pissed and takes off to her mom’s house in another state, with my wonderful dad’s assistance, and ghosts me until 2017 when my dad dies. Turns out that her mother had committed suicide a couple of months prior. From 2001 until 2016 I was third class citizen coming after my new wife and her son( age 6), then her parents. Son graduated from college with his bachelors degree in social work. He’s now moved out of the house so I’m back up to second class citizen after her and her folks. By the time we are finished looking after them we will be too old to have any time for what I thought were our dreams and plans. I will die having spent my entire life providing for, and helping others, with their dreams. I hate my life, myself and my god for how this all turned out. I’m going to make sure that I don’t see my 66 birthday. Forgot to tell y’all that my wife hasn’t wanted anything to do with me between the sheets for over five years now so I don’t know if I just can’t please a woman or what. Second class citizen. A broken down old war horse that is just around to do all the chores and pay all the bills. She watches tv and naps all week until it’s time to go over a stay with her mom for the weekend to give the caregiver the weekend off. Counting the days!

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qui-qui-quee · 2 years

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Thoughts Are Fleeting (Post-Duty Stream of Consciousness)

There’s a good reason I’ve barely been writing, barely been journaling lately. Because I’ve seen a consistent pattern of feeling one thing, thinking one thing and then the next day, my outlook changes and the cycle repeats itself.

“You lack conviction” One might say. Maybe it’s true. Maybe it’s not. It really depends on the topic. There are a few things that I remain steadfast in, including my faith in Christ, my love of art (regardless how intense or faint it gets), and whatnot. But meanwhile, I sit here writing all this in my condo unit, trying to mentally assess all the events I went through for the past two months while I was in face-to-face hospital duty.

For those who don’t know (since I rarely post here anyway), I was working in the wards of our teaching hospital as the final hurdle of our medical education. Needless to say, it was the busiest I’d ever been in...well ages. Twelve and 24-hour duties, constant monitoring of patients, participating in surgical operations and bonding or clashing with my groupmates (I didn’t have much of the latter though, thank God), it was a lot to take in and so my thoughts and my feelings were mostly put in the back burner (minus the times I went through emotional breakdowns from exhaustion and stress). As always, I was questioning my choices, doubting myself, you know the usual from your neurodivergent, possibly mentally-ill individual. All the masking, creating social energy just to talk to peers and superiors. all the works.

I’m not even sure what else there is to say as I write all this. My stream of consciousness is once again beginning to wane but perhaps that’s because I choose not to share the deeper thoughts that’s been echoing in my head for...quite some time now, and has probably contributed to my lack of initiative when it comes to human relationships and interactions and social behavior. Anyway I won’t go any further than that, seeing how this is a public space and though I intend to be talking to a void, I know I still have a bit of an audience here.

Anyway.

Medicine is hard guys. And yet it was during this time that I appreciated being and working with people again. You all have no idea how much I missed spending time with folks other than my family members and now that we’re back to online (heck we’re not even doing anything as we speak), I’m feeling some slight pseudo separation anxiety because of how abrupt our clerkship duties ended. I got to know my groupmates more, saw both their flaws and strengths (and they saw mine). It’s just...boy this COVID business has made so many things difficult. I still feel like a fish out of water, a baby giraffe just starting out on its legs. Two months simply isn’t enough and I don’t even know if I’ve completely settled on becoming a doctor past boards.

And what about now? What am I to do now? I have comprehensive exams that everyone else but me is getting anxious about. I’m doing what I can to study but it I’ve learned that there are many things that are simply out of my control and sadly it might be contributing to a sense of learned helplessness I’d developed from the past (yes I think I need a therapist and have yet to find one).

And loss. Loss is something I’m so used to I think I’ve become numb to it. It all started with high school, even middle school when close friends would leave the country, then my entire HS barkada left after graduation leaving me behind, then there’s losing my cousin to some unknown illness, so...it really became easy for me to let go of relationships if it seemed like the other wasn’t meeting me halfway.

Why am I being this honest here? I dunno. Maybe because no one else feels right to talk to and even if I did have a therapist, it feels too formal of a setting. I know God can read exactly what I’m saying. After all, doesn’t He know what I need before I even get to say or figure it out?

Anyway my stream of consciousness is starting to feel forced so I’m gonna end my thoughts here. Keep me in your prayers, folks. Thank you.

#qooky rambles #qooky's med life #DO NOT REBLOG #q life #q text #sorry this is a lot more depressing than my past posts

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bokettochild · 3 years

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Perils of a Pumpkin Patch

Blame the lovely folks over at @ordonianhero‘s blog for this! This is on them and @mayonakaotsumami for creating this idea!

Time sighs.

He loved his pup, by some days, Twilight could be a real idiot.

“Explain to me what the problem is again?” The eldest hero shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as Legend continues to cackle breathlessly, the veteran hero wheezing for breath that was only stolen with continued laughter, bent over and holding his ribs as he attempted to wheeze out words that continued to make no sense. “Deep breaths, kit.” He reminds, a small smile pulling at his face at the pure joy and mischief on the usually stoic teen’s face.

“I’m trying!” Legend’s breath whistles between his teeth, giggles continuing to spill out for a few minutes as breath after deep breath was pulled into heaving lungs.

“Now,” Time motions towards the vet, leaving the word hanging, it’s intent clear as Legend coughs lightly.

The vet’s face was still flushed pink, eyes sparkling with mischief that makes him look far closer to his actual age, the teen practically bouncing on his toes. “Twilight got stuck.” Legend chuckles, smirk setting in with an almost feral hint to it. “In a pumpkin!”

The old man blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice.

“I’m not sure why I’m surprised.” He finally forces out, shaking his head again as Legend all but dances in place.

“He needs our help.” Legend continues. “He’s in wolf form and if Wars sees he’s gonna lose it!” The vet cackled softly. “Honestly, I’m half tempted to tell him, but Twi says I owe him, and-” The vet shrugs easily. “He’s not wrong.”

“Alright, kit.” Time isn’t dumb, he saw the pink bunny hiding in the bushes, and he knows a shifter when he sees one. Legend’s aura is full of diverse twists and turns, but there’s the dark strain of a shifter that weaves in with the other unique abilities and powers, and he’d known the instant that Legend walked back into camp weeks ago with pink hair, aura flaring and still settling down again, exactly what had happened.

Callused hands reach over to ruffle the vet’s locks. The blue cap had been lost while they work the ranch, and it offers free access to fluffy pink hair, making the vet’s nose twitch as he darts away from the touch.

“Come on. We’d best get him loose.”

Wolfie’s head is indeed trapped inside of a pumpkin.

Time has to pause to hold back a laugh for a minute when he sees it, lifting a hand to his mouth to hide a smile that Twilight can’t see anyway from within the pumpkin prison. Harsh barks and whines echo from within the gourd as Legend saunters over, tone light and feet lighter as he moves towards the wolf, who’s paws push desperately at the orange walls around his head.

“Twi, I got the old man. Hold still so we can get that thing off of you.” The vet giggles slightly as he speaks, and a strained whine meets the words. Time can almost see his protégé's face, unamused and nearly a pout, and the thought makes his laugh lightly as he steps over, inspecting his trapped pup.

“Hylia, pup, you really got yourself stuck, huh?”

“I would have expected this of the Champion.” Legend teases. “Not you ranch-hand.”

Another strained whine sounds from the pumpkin headed wolf.

“Alright, kiddo, we’ll get you out.” Time is already rolling up his sleeves, inspecting the pumpkin and dog combo with a calculating eye as Legend stands aside expectantly. “Kit, grab the pumpkin, I’ll get the pup, when I say pull, dig those pegasus boots-” He cuts off as his eyes dart down to see that Legend is...barefoot.

One brow cocks, unimpressed, at the vet, who only shrugs off his stare. “They hurt my feet when I wear them too long.”

“Get new ones?” He blinks slowly.

“Doesn’t work.” Legend huffs, already moving in front of Twilight, hands working to find a grip on the giant orange gourd that traps Twilight’s head. “Flat feet don’t fit right in any shoe.”

“Right.” He’ll need to talk to Four about fixing tat problem later. “Well, get a good grip on the ground and pull, I’ll hold him back.”

“You act like he’s gonna charge me.” The vet snickers, and Wolfie’s whine joins the teen’s voice, nearly insulted.

“Alright, on three. One. Two. Three!”

Time’s arms lock around the giant wolf, but as Legend pulls at the lareg pumpkin the dirt underneath his skids and slips, and the vet’s feet fly out from under him, landing him firmly on his ass as Time snorts out a short bout of laughter.

“Switch.” Legend grumbles, but doing so yields the same results, Time’s hearty pull on the pumpkin only dragging Wolfie out of Legend’s arms and sending the vet face first into the dirt.

“New plan.” Legend groans, rubbing his sore backside as Time crouches to wipe mud off of the teen’s face.

“I could try and cut it off, but-”

Wolfie’s bark is desperate, and Legend frowns. “Might be our only option, pops.”

The vet is sent to run back to the house, faster than Time and needing to loosen up his limbs again after being thrown to the ground like a discarded toy, and Time is left with his protégé, a pumpkin clad head resting in hs lap as he runs his hands through the canine’s long fur, stifling chuckles each time he glances down at the orange mess in his lap.

“You really did it this time, eh Pup? What on earth could have prompted you to stick your head in there?”

Twilight’s wolf form prevents him from understanding the whine that echoes from the pumpkin, and the reminded of his protégé's plight only has Time stifling laughter again, shaking lightly when Malon and Legend make their way to the garden gate, Malon with a sharp kitchen knife in hand as she weaves around the entrance, light laughter floating on the air as she watches Legend climb the gate rather than walk through, the vet darting back over with a sheepish smile as he meets Time’s eyes.

“Mamalon wouldn’t let me grab any weapons.”

He wonders if Legend hears his slip, but there's no doubt Malon heard it if the way she smiles, pink tinging her cheeks as her eyes twinkle brightly while she crouches at his side.

“Good heavens, how’d he come by this pickle?”

“Only Nayru knows.” Time shrugs, and Wolfie’s despairing whine only adds to the canine’s shame as Malon gently pats his shoulder.

“Don’t you fuss, love. We’ll get you out of there in a sec.” Green eyes dart up to meet Time’s own. “I brought a blunter one. It should cut through alright, but at the most will poke him a bit if it hits him. I haven’t sharpened it in ages, so he should be fine.”

The eager and desperate wiggle of the wolf’s hindquarters and the thumping of his tail draws smiles to their faces, and Time nods firmly. “Give us your orders, ma’am.”

It falls to Legend to hold the pumpkin still while Time keeps the wolf inside still, and it’s Malon who carefully slices through the orange gourd, handing off pieces to the vet, who carefully places them in a clean pail to prevent spoiling them in the dirt. When Wolfie’s head emerges, it’s covered in pumpkin guts and seeds, and the mutts nose it dripping orange as he sneezes and huffs.

Black swirls around them as dog transforms back to Hylian, and then the ranch hand sit there, head, shoulders and hair covered in seeds while laughter rings loud and boisterous in his ears from the family around him.

“Right then.” Malon wipes some seed from her boy’s cheeks, laughter making her voice shake as he tries shaking off the rest of it, only succeeding in shaking gunk all over them. “Guess he’s free now.”

“This is utterly disgusting.” Legend grins, shaking orange off of his hands and back into Twilight’s hair, prompting a very wolfie growl from the rancher, and then Twilight’s launching himself out of Time’s lap and at Legend, pinning the smaller boy to the ground and shaking orange gunk and seeds all over the loudly protesting vet.

“I’ll run baths.” Time chuckles as he watches the two, helping Malon collect the last of the pumpkin’s flesh and the knife into her pail.

“You do that.” A chaste kiss is pressed to his lips as green eyes wink at him. “I’ll get back to the kitchen, we might as well have pie for dinner after all this bother.”

Her hsvand’s eyes light up, and Legend kciks at the larger boy on top of him, violet twinkling as he tries to meet their eyes. “Pie?”

“No! Please! No more pumpkins!” Twilight pleads, shooting around to stare pleadingly at the two adults, giving Legend the perfect opportunity to break free, the vet knocking over his brother and darting behind Malon’s skirts with a cheeky grin when Twilight’s midnight eyes turn to him with a scowl.

“You ruin a pumpkin with pay, I'm gonna make the best of the leftovers.” Malon scolds.

“There was a keese.” Twilight protests, almost whimpers, red tinging his cheeks.

Green, royal blue and violet stare at him, each blinking slowly as laughter breaks out again over the garden, Twilight’s protests and excuses snowballing as he tries, fruitlessly, to make the stop.

“Right.” Malon, scoops up one of the pails of pumpkin. “Link, I trust you’ll help our pup clean up?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good.” Sharp eyes, rupee green, turn to the vet. “I hear you bake rather well; would you like to help?”

“He’s covered in pumpkin too!” Twilight protests.

Legend pokes his tongue out at his brother before turning an absolutely radiant smile on Malon, one that easily rival’s Warriors’ flirtatious one. “Lead the way, ma’am!”

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themonkeycabal · 3 years

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The Falcon and the Winter Soldier ep 2

Spoilers!

Last week Bucky was a terrible patient and his new BFF is the father of a guy he killed while he was the Winter Soldier (so super healthy), Sam gave up Cap's shield and returned home to try to help salvage the family business (that went poorly), and some — I guess he must be from the Defense Department — dick made a big speech about needing heroes and he gave the shield to some goober (John Walker, but he'll always be Goober to me) in a Cap suit who strongly reminded me of Langly from the Lone Gunmen. (I'm not familiar with the actor, so I don't know what he actually looks like, but the helmet and the camera angle did him no favors at all, I'm just saying. Super punchable.)

Oh, and Sam has an adorable little minion named Lt. Torres who is getting himself into trouble with some weirdass terrorist group who like to slap red handprints on everything.

Zemo's out there lurking, too, but we haven't seen him yet.

I'm still slightly dazed that this show is real and we get to watch it.

Ep2: The Star-Spangled Man

Weird slow-mo opening shot of a close up of somebody unzipping their jacket. I mean. Okay. (Ohhh, it's the garment bag the Cap suit is in.)

And then we're on to Goober, he's wearing BDUs and he's in a football locker room (maybe high school?), fondling the lockers. He peels a name sticker off one, and underneath it says JW 10. A woman comes in and asks if he's reliving his glory days. They yada yada I don't care.

Now I guess they're talking about him becoming Captain America. "Everybody in the world expects me to be … something. And I don't want to fail them." She tells him to be himself and that they're gonna love him. Well, I've already decided he's a goober. I mean, he might not be, but he's got a hill to climb with me.

He spends a few seconds trying out his Captain America voice, then his buddy Hoskins comes in to talk him through it and give us some exposition. "Two weeks ago we were prepping for a special ops mission to Chile and now this."

Goober whines about how it's been handshakes and meetings and senators and whatnot and he just wants to get to it. But his buddy is all, that's part of the job man. Gotta glad-hand, too. You big baby (he doesn't say that part).

"You can't just punch your way out of problems anymore." Well, I mean, I think that was Steve's MO, mostly. That and 'hit it with the shield until it stops moving'.

Nu Cap is making a big showy thing at a rally at his old high school (Custer's Grove HS, GA) stadium for Good Morning America. He's still looking punchable in that helmet. But, they do bring out a kicking marching band, so there's that. It's a boring GMA interview. I don't care.

"John Walker, first person in American history to receive three Medals of Honor. Ran RS-One missions in counter-terrorism and hostage rescue. The government did a study of your body at MIT and you tested off the charts in every measurable category — speed, endurance, intelligence." (I legit laughed out loud. Lookit Captain Gary Stu over here)

Blah blah super humble yada yada. Just wants to make people feel safe, he has sooooo much respect for Steve Rogers, yada. Look, he could be a great guy and maybe I'll warm to him. But not yet!

Back in Brooklyn, Bucky's watching this and his face is all "No! No? What the shit is this? NO! NO? WHU NO?! No." Also, Bucky, I know you have a couch, why are you sitting on the floor? Love yourself just a little bit, dude.

In Louisiana Sam is in an Air Force hanger, staring at a garish 'Cap is Back' poster and looking a little queasy. Rhodey told you, subtly and not really directly, to not give up the shield, buddy. I hope when Bucky gets there the first thing he says is "He gave the shield to *you*, dummy. Not Captain Gary Poppins over there."

Torres says Nu Cap seems like a good guy. Sam's like, uh-huh, sure, so anyway. There's another "cap is back" poster and Sam's like 'ugh'. And they're off to Munich. I guess for the Flag Bros. Hey! There's Bucky! Finally, they're in the same scene. It's been nearly sixty minutes of screen time to get to this moment, Marvel. No, I wasn't counting.

"Shouldn't have given up the shield." lol. Hi Bucky! You forgot to call him a dummy.

Sam's like I haven't got time for this. And Bucky points to the umpteenth Cap is Back poster (seriously? Good lord.) "You didn't know that was going to happen?"

Sam did not know that was going to happen. "You think it didn't break my heart to see them march him out there and call him the new Captain America?"

Bucky will not let this go. "You had no right to give up the shield, Sam." You tell him!

But, Sam's kind of not in the mood. Look, I get it Sam, you didn't feel equal to the shield, but Steve gave it to you because he knows, my dude. Trust him. Come on.

But, he's feeling very raw about this, right now. "This is what you're not gonna do. You're not gonna come here in your overextended life and tell me about my rights." Well, ouch.

He says he's got bigger things to worry about, but that seems unpossible to Bucky "What could be bigger than this?" Terrorist douchebags wearing funny masks in Eastern and Central Europe. Well, fine, Sam; be all puts-things-in-perspective guy.

Redwing traced the far-too-strong maybe leader to a place in Munich. For some reason Bucky does not have good feelings about Redwing. Uh-oh, Bucky, you're going to extra hurt Sam's feelings.

Oh lol, it's the "Big Three" convo. "What big three?" "Androids, aliens, and wizards." Still funny. Sam's so proud of himself.

"I'm coming with you." "No, you're not." Bucky went with him.

Did they glare at each other the whole way to Munich? lol. I love this show so much already.

"Enjoy the ride, Buck." "No, you can't call me that." "Why not? That's what Steve called you." "Steve knew me longer. And Steve had a plan." lol, Steve Rogers never had a plan a day in his life.

Bucky wants a chute, but Torres who wisely stayed out of all of that, is like we're way too low for a chute. "I don't need it anyway." Then Bucky drama school bitch rips off the left sleeve of his jacket and jumps out while yelling like the dumbass he is. And he hits every branch of the dumbass tree on his way to the ground.

"I have all of that on camera, you know that right?" And Redwing zooms by to hovers over Bucky. So, maybe it's not a mystery why he doesn't like Redwing. lol.

Bucky and Sam meet up at a dilapidated warehouse in the middle of the forest. Only good things ever happen in dilapidated warehouses in forests. Like extra shady weapons smuggling. Bucky's gonna stalk after them. Sam messes with him a bit.

"Look at you all stealthy. A little time in Wakanda and you come out White Panther." lol. ilu Sam. "It's actually White Wolf." "Huh?" heh. What he won’t tell you, Sam, is that he earned the name from the kids near his goat farm who liked to spy on and giggle at the grumpy growly white guy.

"Hello. How are you?" "Great. What did I miss?" They're a delightful disaster! And they bicker and bicker and ahh, finally.

Also the people they're stalking are hella strong. And then these two idiots knock into an old bit of metal and make some noise. The shady people stop for a mo' but then move on. Sam scans one of the trucks the shady folks were loading (there are two), there's a figure sitting in the back. "There's an eighth person. I think they have a hostage." And Bucky zooms off! And Sam after him.

Bucky jumps onto the lead truck and then just like wanders around inside. I'm pretty sure the truck behind you noticed you, dummy. Anyway, it's loaded with crates marked "keep frozen." "They're stealing medicine. Vaccines." Those utter bastards. He spots a girl peeking out between containers. "Hi." lol, idiot.

He thinks it's the hostage, but I'm waiting for her to kick his butt out the door. She's not, you know, tied up in anyway. So … Also, again, does the second truck not have a radio to the first truck? Like was the driver texting while Bucky climbed up the back of the truck right in front of him? Now he's strangely incurious about the open door?

And, then she smiles at him and kicks him out the door, he hits the windshield of the second truck (maybe they've finally noticed you, Bucky!) and she puts on a mask with a red handprint. As you do. Two guys on the roof of truck 2, pull Bucky up ready to beat him silly.

Super strong girl, jumps over to truck two and punches Bucky some more. The Redwing zooms over and she jumps up, grabs it, and smashes it over her knee.

"I always wanted to do that," Bucky says, sad he didn't get the chance.

Sam shows up, there are more guys on the roof of the other truck. And there's fighting and fighting and then Sam is pinned down and the bad guy gets plonked with the shield and here comes Captain Poppins dropping down out of a helicopter. What timing. The CGI and green screen for this whole sequence are pretty dire. I'm sorry but it's true.

Captain Poppins is joined by his buddy Hoskins. "Sam. John Walker, Captain America." They know who you are, goober. Though, pausing to introduce yourself in the middle of the fight is a very Steve Rogers move, so points for that, Goober.

Lol, the look on Bucky's face when he catches the shield and Goober takes it from him. He's like 'rule two, rule two, rule two, remember rule two.'

Lots of fighting lots of fighting. Bucky is knocked off the side of the truck, he digs in and sort of zippers down the side, and then hangs off the bottom, his head inches from a tire, clinging to the underside by his vibranium arm. A bad guy stomps on it. Um, it's vibranium, guy. Like … though, somehow it works? and Bucky's arm sort of flops onto the road, sending up sparks. Sam does a neat little move, flies under the two trucks, grabbing Bucky as he goes, and knocking them both free. None of that worked out particularly well, guys.

"Could have used that shield," Bucky says helpfully. lol. "Those were all super soldiers, Sam." Well, bummer.

Back on the trucks, I think Hoskins is in trouble. Cap Goober is pulling himself back up. Hoskins is thrown from the truck, but Cap Goober tosses the shield and Hoskins lands on that. Now Goober squares off against super soldier chick. He does not fare well. And he's thrown from the truck to land on the windshield of a following car. You know, if I'm driving down the road and I see people fighting on a pair of big rigs, I don't follow close. You know what I'm saying? I maybe pull over and let them get way far away from me. Anyway, sorry for your body damage.

Bucky and Sam walk along the road, a pair of sad sad heroes who did not have a plan.

"I'm sorry about Redwing." "No, you're not."

Cap Goober turns up in a sorry looking vehicle of some sort. "So that didn't go as planned." Bucky and Sam keep walking. lol

So Goober's vehicle keeps pace with the disaster duo. "We're pretty sure it's one of the Big Three."

Bucky: "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS WIZARDS!" That's his hill, he'll die on it.

Since it's super soldiers, and that's bad news, Cap Goober thinks they should work together. Sam's quiet but not thrilled. Bucky is not quiet. "Just 'cause you carry that shield, it doesn't mean you're Captain America."

Cap Goober has apparently jumped on a grenade 4 times. "It's a thing I do with my helmet. It's reinforced." Okay, I laughed.

He persuades them to ride with him, because it's like 20 miles to the airport. It's probably for the best, since I'm pretty sure they might try to strangle each other in five.

"They (Flag Haters Anonymous) say their mission is to get things back to the way they were during the blip." This group's goals are so hazy and weird.

oh, lol. Sam wanted to know how they tracked the Flag Smashers, and Hoskins is like, um, actually, we tracked redwing. "It's not exactly hacking," Captain Goober explains, "it's government property. We're kind of the government." Not winning any points, Goober.

Bucky's just glaring at him. "Does he always just stare like that?" lol

We get a bit of exposition about a group called the GRC, the Global Repatriation Council, which is tasked with helping the previously blipped reintegrate. Sam's like, okay, and? Hoskins explains "they provide the resources, and we keep things stable." The GRC sounds even more make believe than super soldiers, to be honest. But, whatever. Not here to analyze the bizarre and unlikely geopolitics of the MCU. Cap Goober makes a pitch for Sam and Bucky to sign up but Bucky is very firm about his "No".

Hoskins insists he has mad respect for them, but they were getting their asses kicked until he and goober showed up. Um, Hoskins, my dude, you also got your ass kicked.

Bucky stares for a second. "Who are you?" "Lamar Hoskins." Sam insists he needs more than that. "I'm Battlestar. John's partner."

Bucky says Mm hmm. Stop the car. And he's gone.

Cap Goober gives a pitch to Sam about how he's not trying to be Steve, or replace him, he's just trying to do his best and be the best Captain America he can, and it'd be great to have Cap's 'wingmen' on his side. I sense sincerity, but you're still punchable, goober. And Sam isn't buying it either. He shakes his head and laughs bitterly, "It's always that last line." He hops out and follows Bucky.

Elsewhere, the super terrorists have reached a safe house with a way too chatty dude who is trying to make them at home in his dicey looking shopfront. He rattles on about how they're becoming legends and the people love them because they're pushing back! Against … the GRC? I guess?

Super soldier girl (Karli) gets a hate text. "You took what is mine. I'm going to find you and kill you." Well, sleep tight, sister!

One of the other guys has already logged into a computer system and he starts hacking and wiping their info off the internets and interpol, I guess.

"Six months ago would you have imagined people supporting a cause like this?" I'm still very unclear on what your cause is.

Maybe I'm overthinking the silly superhero universe, but I can't imagine the blip world was wonderful. You're missing half the people. So half of everybody who'd do various jobs. So half of the knowledge base of humanity on earth. Half of the experience base of humanity on earth. Half of the farmers, half of the engineers, half of the doctors, half of the people who maintain any system you can imagine, half of the people who build those systems, half of the teachers, half of the factory workers, half of the grandparents who pass down stories and community knowledge, half of the animals, half of the fish, half of the insects and so half of the plants. Ecosystems could easily collapse. Certainly infrastructure did, with half of the people needed to maintain it gone. Cities would have started to crumble, since half of the sources of goods, food, and services were gone. (we did have something of a real-world equivalent in Europe during the Black Death. Things were not nice for quite a long while after the worst years of the plague.)

I'm sure there would be areas that did better than others. But, half of any government gone, half of any police, half of any military. There would be power vacuums and probably shitheads to fill them. I don't see any particular utopia in a blip-ified world.

And that's not even taking into account the psychological damage to all the unblipped. The pure existential horror of half of everything suddenly gone.

But, that aside. I like genuinely do not know what they're trying to achieve.

"We're not playing no more," announces Karli. "We can't let the same assholes who were put back in power after the Blip win." Literally do not know what that means. "The GRC care more about the people who came back than the ones who never left." I mean … isn't that literally what they're for? "We got a glimpse of how things could be." Chaotic and apocalyptic? In fairness, I guess if you could carve out your own thing in that, and maybe it could even be good, then you'd be bitter if everybody came back all of a sudden and messed that up. I'm sure the power struggles are real.

"One world! One people!" Okaly-dokaly. Fascinated to see how you eight will achieve that.

Bucky's brooding on a plane, Sam's trying to sleep but the brooding is too much to ignore.

"You alright?" "Let's take the shield, Sam. Let's take the shield and do this ourselves." He's using his almost scary Winter Soldier voice. And staring into the void. Sam, call his doctor. She needs to remind him of rules one and two. "We can't just run up on a man, beat him up, and take it." Good point, Sam. For real, call Bucky's doctor. He's going to the scary illegal place.

"Do you remember what happened the last time we stole it?" "Maybe." lol such a petulant little grumpus you are, Bucky. "I'll help you in case you forgot. Sharon was branded an enemy of the state and Steve and I were on the run for two years." Not everybody was lucky enough to have a goat farm during all that, Bucky. That's what the man's saying.

"We just got our ass handed to us by super soldiers and we got nothing." "That's not entirely true," Bucky says mysteriously. And he jumps down off his brooding crate to go sit next to Sam. "There is someone that you should meet."

Baltimore, Maryland

Sam has a cute aside with a neighborhood kid, then Bucky leads him up to a house that has seen better days. Somebody answers the door and Bucky says they're there to see Isaiah. But, the young guy who answers the door insists there's no Isaiah there. He's not very welcoming. Bucky says "tell him the guy from the bar in Goyang is here." The things you got up to, Bucky. I do wonder. "We had a skirmish during the Korean war." oh, lol. I mean, I'm sure it's a horrible story, but lol, Bucky you disaster.

Oh hey, Carl Lumbly! Gosh, I haven't seen him in an age. I almost didn't recognize him.

"He was a hero. One of the ones that Hydra feared the most. Like Steve. We met in '51." "If by met, you mean I whupped your ass, then, yeah." lol

Isaiah says he took part of Bucky's arm in Goyang and he just wanted to see if it grew back. And if Bucky was there to kill him. Bucky says he's not a killer anymore.

"You think you can wake up one day and decide who you wanna be?" Well, sure. "It doesn't work like that." Oh, but it must, or else what's the point? Isaiah has a lot of reasons to be bitter, though.

"Isaiah, the reason we're here, is because there's more of you and me out there. And we need to know how."

This does not please Isaiah, who doesn't want to talk and throws a can of sardines (or something, I don't know what that was) through the wall. Old but still super solidery.

"You know what they did to me for being a hero? They put my ass in jail for 30 years." Um, wow. "People running tests, taking my blood, coming into my cell. Even your people weren't done with me." Well, that's deeply uncool. He very much wants his unwelcome guests to GFO, and I can't say I blame him.

Sam is super pissed once they get out onto the street. "Why didn't you tell me about Isaiah?" Bucky doesn't answer. "I asked you a question, Bucky." Yikes.

And no, Steve never knew, because Bucky never told him. "So you're telling me there was a black super soldier decades ago and nobody knew about it?" I guess so.

And we're interrupted by a bizarre random encounter with presumably racist cops. They stop them in the street, get weird about asking for ID, and then ask Bucky, "is this guy bothering you?" And Bucky's like what in the actual fuck, he looks like a high school chem teacher and I look like the muscle for a loan shark, "no he's not bothering me. Do you know who he is?" Oh to be the Winter Soldier again for just a moment, eh? Anyway, one of the dipshits recognizes Sam and they get all dipshitty apologetic. "oh, Mr. Wilson, we're so sorry."

Oh, lol, they're going to arrest Bucky. There's a warrant out for him, because he missed his therapy session. I told somebody to call his therapist! I want to know which of those dipshits ran Sam and Bucky for wants. Because that’s not automatic or some shit, somebody’s got to call it in.

Sam's like 'well that took a weird turn.'

Sam and Dr Raynor meet at whatever facility they’re holding Bucky. "Thanks for getting him out." "That was not me," the doctor assures him. Nope, it was Captain Goober, who greets the doctor with a wave. "Christina! It's great to see you again." lol. And Sam's day gets worse.

"I heard you were working with Bucky and thought I'd step in. Bucky's not going to be working on a strict schedule any longer."

She's like, uh what? Says who? And he points at himself. okay, again, lol. Though, it’s weird to me how he insists on calling Bucky ‘Bucky’, like they’re buddies. They’re not buddies. Bucky's going to punch him in the face.

"He's too valuable an asset to have him tied up. So just do whatever you've got to do with him, then send him off to me." Will Bucky turn around and go right back into his holding cell?

Dr's not going to let him. "James, condition of your release, session now. You too, Sam." "That's okay. I'll be out here with…" "That wasn't a request." Poor Sam. He has had THE WORST DAY.

I love Bucky slouching against the sergeant's desk all surly, like a 16 year old who got busted for boosting his grandmother's car.

Dr Raynor settles them all in what I assume is an interrogation room. She tells Bucky she just wants to help him get over whatever is eating at him. I guess she figures Sam could help with that, too?

"We're going to do an exercise. It's something I use with couples when they are trying to figure out what kind of life they want to build together." lol. but of course. a million fic writers deliriously rush to their keyboards.

"Are you familiar with the miracle question?" "Absolutely not." "Of course not." heh "Okay, it goes like this. Suppose that while you're sleeping, a miracle occurs. When you wake up, what is something that you would like to see that would make your life better?"

Bucky says his miracle would be Sam talking less. Sam says that's what he was going to say. Dr Raynor is writing fic of her own. "You guys are leaving me no choice. It's time for the soul-gazing exercise." This is the weirdest therapy session ever.

Bucky is very on board. Sam's like 'what have you done? staring? that's his thing!'

"Let's do it. Let's stare. This is a good exercise. Thanks, doc." Bucky, you little asshole. lol

How many takes to do this scene? I can tell they're trying not to laugh. "Take 57. It's 1:30 am, guys. Please, can we get it this time?"

"Wait, what are you doing? Are you having a staring contest?" What about these two men's attitudes walking into the room suggested they were going to be at all mature about this, Doc?

"James, why does Sam aggravate you? And don't say something childish." She knows you too well, Buck.

Oh, Bucky. He wants to know why Sam gave up the shield, because Steve believed in him, gave him the shield for a reason. But, maybe Steve was wrong about Sam and if he was wrong about Sam, then he was wrong about Bucky.

Sam, has his reasons. He says maybe Bucky and Steve can't understand, but he wants to know if Bucky can accept that he did what he thought was right. Poor Sam.

And Sam's had enough. He says they've got bigger shit going on and he'll put whatever this issue is aside for now, and they'll go take care of that, and then he and Bucky can never see each other again. "Thanks doc, for making it weird. I feel much better."

She's like, well shit.

Bucky leaves as well, but she stops him. "I know that look. What's wrong?" "What was rule two again?" "Don't hurt anyone." "Goodbye, doc."

I think maybe she miscalculated a tiny bit.

"I feel better," Sam grumbles. "I feel awful," Bucky sighs.

And down the street Captain Goober and Hoskins starts chirping a police siren at them and they wave them over. "Gentlemen!" I really want Bucky to punch him just once.

Goober wants them to join forces. They're tracking Karli through various displaced communities in Europe. She's the flag stompers leader, I guess? She's like … 16. DOUBT.

Anyway, she's do-goodering by stealing medicine and taking it to the displaced camps. I'm confused. So, post-blip, people who'd not blipped are now suddenly being displaced? I thought the displaced where the blipped trying to reintegrate. But, she was mad at the GRC for only caring about the blipped not the unblipped (which, again is the GRC's raison d'être, so yes?). I feel like I'm missing something.

Bucky snarks at Goober a bit. He's not a fan at all. "Things are really intense for you, aren't they, Walker?"

Sam's like okay, let's all simmer down. "It is imperative that we find them and stop them." But, also, though, he and Bucky are free agents, so they're more flexible than mister "i'm the government" over there.

Captain Goober doesn't care for that. "Word of advice, then. Stay the hell out of my way." Don't push your luck, goober.

Bratislava, Slovakia

Flag Stompers loading a small plane. Uh oh, they've been found out! Karli asks how much time they have. "None. It's the Power Broker's men." The Power Broker. See, that's the kind of jackassery you get in a Blip scenario. That's what I'm talking about. Did you steal super soldier serum from this guy, Karli? Hmmm? One noble Flag Stomper offers to stay behind and hold them off while they make their escape, for One World! One People! Dream big, kid.

He knocks down a power pole to block the road but then he runs at the badder guys? And gets himself shot a zillionty times. I … he'd already blocked the road? Why not just … you know what? Never mind.

Back to Bucky and Sam and Bucky with an idea that might just be worse than the self-sacrificing Flag Stomper's run-at-the-badder-guys-for-great-justice idea. He suggests that perhaps somebody who knows all of Hydra's secrets can give them the answers they need.

"So you're just going to go sit in a room with this guy?" "Ye-… yes," Bucky says, absolutely oozing with confidence.

Off to see Zemo! I'm sure that will go terribly! Can't wait!

And Credits!

Not gonna lie. I'm not sure how I feel about this episode. It felt a little disjointed.

I don't get the Flag Munchers, but I'm thinking they're just a red herring. Because they're basically utopian idealist twelve-year olds with nice but vague goals and vague iffy means to achieve those goals. I don't feel they're a whole lot more than some misguided kids who grew up in a blipped world and change is difficult and scary (and I’m sure it’s probably managed poorly. I can’t think of anything less efficient than a global council for anything. you could have a global council for dirt and it would be a bureaucratic nightmare). And they probably stole super soldier serum from somebody way scarier. Dummies. I think they're going to need to be rescued at some point. Probably soonish.

As for that other guy. There's moments where I like John Walker a little bit, and moments where I find him really aggravating. I get they want to make him the super-duper bestest perfectest hero, or that’s why he was chosen by the DoD or whatever, but part of Steve's charm was he wasn't perfect. He wasn't Captain America because he won a million awards, he was Cap because he had a good heart. That's the point. THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD BE CAP, SAM!

Also, I don't like hard feelings between Sam and Bucky. Though, nothing about their history would suggest an easy friendship (one time Sam was driving in his car and Bucky ripped the damn steering wheel out), so that's not a complaint, it just makes me sad. They really only have a connection because of Steve and he's gone. Be friends, guys!

And finally, when will Sharon Carter return from being an enemy of the state?

#tfatws #tfatws spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier #the falcon and the winter soldier spoilers #tfatws liveblog

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clatterbane · 3 years

Text

New shoe's maiden voyage today!

I ended up moving with only what I was wearing, with all other shoes in moving box limbo. (Don't ask. 🙄) Which happened to be my usual trusty--and supremely dorky!--Karrimor walking sandals.

Which I got into the habit of wearing whenever it was dry enough, because they were the easiest thing I found on my terrible knees and other assorted musculoskeletal problems. With thick wooly socks, if necessary--to really complete the look. 😎

(Very much like the folks with bad backs always wearing their Birkenstocks unless there's 3 feet of snow on the ground, and sometimes even then. Though those never worked nearly as well for me.)

But yeah, I've been able to get out more, and it's October in another rainy winter climate. It's also not as if I'm even gimping around on Horrible Knees now, to even worry about footwear's effects on them! These days, I could wear huge fuck-off goth boots no problem--or anything else I damn well wanted to.

Well past time to stop putting off getting some more actual closed shoes, at any rate! 🙄

So yeah, I finally ordered a pair of your basic Vans slip-ons. And glad I did, even if they forceably drag me back to HS. 😅 Didn't go quite as full monochrome with them back then, at least. I do have a pretty good idea of what to expect with those.

Comfy so far, and the size conversion does seem about right.

Next up: some actually water-resistant ankle boots! My old Clarks were getting pretty worn out anyway, wherever they may be at this moment.

Speaking of old faves, I'm also tempted to pick up some Docs before long--or more likely Solovair. (Which would probably have run a lot less expensive if we were still in the UK, but oh well. The apparent quality difference now looks well worth it.)

It does feel Very Very Strange, only needing to wear one of the shoes and stash the other one in the closet. Hopefully they will eventually see some use, once I can finally manage to get set up with Robo Leg. *fingers crossed*

Some companies like Zappos--and from what I have seen, Clarks within the UK-- will sell you single or odd-sized shoes. But, with any luck the spares will come in handy one of these days!

#long post #personal #shoes #amputee #wheelchair life #my knees though #barely letting me know they're there #now that i'm not walking around on them #not sure if I really want to again #in a way

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chromatic-lamina · 3 years

Note

Hey HS! I'm curious about Repossession. With question 2, 3, 4, 5 and/or the very last. Have a nice day! 💕

You, dear Lily, are always after my heart. That's a number of qs! Let me peruse.

2. What scene did you first put down?

Good question. I think it actually was the opening scene (barefoot Law captured by the marines, bound, chained to chair, interrogated by Smoker). But I'm not sure, because the fic was originally such an indulgence that I was only writing it for me. I don't tend to write in order, but I think that my first chapters do tend to be the launching pads.

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

Ah, man, that's such a long fic. I should ask you that question .

Maybe the abeyance of ghosts. Scenes. I reread the scene where Law teleports himself up to the house after the Kid attack and just psychologically rips himself apart while trying not to. I think I did a good job on that with the rewrites. But yeah, I like a lot of scenes, so possibly also lot of narration, and the last chapter where there's a form of peace for both Marco and Law—I like that.

4. What's your favorite line of dialogue?

I'm rusty on this fic (it's very dear to me, though, don't get me wrong). Maybe my dialogue strengths are in other fics. This one's big on the interior monologue. I like all the exchange with Bepo about Eau d'Ordure (the dung parfum that Bepo and Minks favour, thanks for your help with that), but I think the dialogue is stronger in "Gimcracks" on that.

I like the Law and Marco nightmare scene where Marco comforts Law, even though I probably would pare it back if I went in with my editing scissors.

5. What part was the hardest to write?

Probably the four last chapters. I'd got serious about the fic by about then. It wasn't finished when I started posting, but most of it was done, but done purely as an exercise in self-indulgence. I still enjoyed writing those four, but I feel like I put more effort into them and that there are maybe more traditional elements of storytelling in them. That can be good and bad. I have rewritten Repossession a fair bit too (though not all), so a lot of the other chapters got a rehaul as I went along.

Also, as you know, it's a dark fic, but I had to give Law a happy-ish (non-bleak) ending, so I had to find an authentic way to do that. It will come as you write it, but you're never sure if you'll be able to do it.

15. What did you learn from writing this fic?

That if you delete your account, and your fic along with it, you lose all the hits, all the kudos, and possibly the trust of readers. Haha. Don't do it, or at least not for the reasons that I did. I also learnt that it's a deep comfort piece for a lot of readers, despite the fact it's dark and non-con, but it's also about recovery, resistance and resilience, and I'm glad it struck a chord with folks who were there for the porn, but who also got a whole lot else out of the comfort side of the story for their potentially dented hearts and psyches. I'm privileged that y'all read my fic.

Law survives, and it's maybe not triumphant, but he survives as his own person, in his own way, and I think he does pretty well. It's not necessarily realistic, but he will survive, goddamn it.

Oh, I also learnt that if canon doesn't fuck you up, you'll fuck your ownself up by mucking around with timelines. Ahahaha. Not to worry.

Fanfic asks are here. Link to Repossession is here, but please heed the warnings.

Link to my AO3 is here or in the header of my blog.

#one piece #one piece fanfic #trafalgar law #afterdeck ace #chromafic #chromalami #fanfic ask meme #repossession

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bisluthq · 3 years

Note

We talk a lot about tay’s eras concerning PR and the fashion and the gay stuff lol but im curious about your musical faves. Like what’s your fave album? What’s your fave song from each album?

Also what other music besides Tay do you listen to? I’m gonna guess you liked Harry styles 2nd album but honestly I have no idea what else you might listen to lol. Since you’re a millennial I’m gonna say maybe you went through an emo phase and listened to like MCR and paramore but idk if you still do 😬 idk correct me if I’m wrong LOL

Not so much MCR but I loved P!ATD and Fall Out Boy and weirdly my fave band was this Canadian band called Hot Hot Heat? I also simultaneously loved Carrie Underwood but I tried to keep it a sekrit. I didn’t like any other country tbh I think I was just in love with her lol. Then I listened to a lot of indie, folk and like deep ass rap vibes through uni and beyond because obvi I did.

But I’ve always really liked pop? Like continuously. It’s the one genre that I never needed to like... try like. I love it. And especially female singer-songwriters but not too alternative tbh like in my “I’m cool” era I listened to a lot of Fiona Apple and Regina Spektor because they were the closest to what I really like... naturally enjoy.

The other person I love to listen to almost as much as Tay and Harry is Halsey? And I have a bunch of other pop albums I listen to I’m like pretty basic these days. I like Sam Smith. I also like... really really enjoy Cardi and Megan’s output and it’s not my usual thing but they are just SO COOL it’s insane and I can listen on repeat tbh.

My fave album changes because it’s usually the most recent one so currently it’s evermore - which I LOVE - but I know when the next one comes out I’ll reshuffle them because folklore isn’t #2 for me but I was #1 when it came out idk.

Fave songs: Teardrops/Should’ve Said No tie (Teardrops = relatable for hs me about girls, Should’ve Said No = iconic and extra funny because of SAMx6 self dragging), Fearless might be my least favorite album tbh but I guess The Way I Loved You/Fearless/The Best Day, I LOVE Speak Now and I think Enchanted is my fave song on it because it’s a very relatable feeling for me, Red is AMAZING and I think my faves are Treacherous, Come Back Be Here, Begin Again and The Lucky One, 1989 is overrated but I do like Style and WD and have a very soft spot for Blank Space, Rep is like... maybe my stable top favorite album I love everything about it but Delicate is my all time fave, Lover is also so good!! and I love... actually all of it I really like it 😭 I skip SYGB because it’s too sad but it’s still so good and that’s quite genuinely the only skip for me, folklore is mad woman and cardigan for me, and evermore is champagne problems.

But like y’all I love all the albums and all the songs.

I’m just a “Love Story is shitty” truther 😐

#nat talks Nat

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wainwrightjakobshammerlock · 4 years

Text

finally. i decided to do this. anyways hello there, i am jake and today i want to talk about something; you see, if you are in the tf2 fandom, you probably know about heavymedic. Wherther you are a hardcore gamer who resents f2p’s or a person that never played the game but has trillions of notes on their art- you know heavymedic exists and most of all you probably ship it.

And I find that weird. In the few fandoms in my life I have been in I had never seen a single ship be so widely if not shipped, then accepted. Sure, maybe everyone in the GF fandom knows what Billdip is - for better or for worse. Sure, maybe the HS fandom is 70% shipping.

But I have never ever seen such a phenomenon in a prominent multiplayer game fandom. A fandom, sadly, oftentimes filled with toxicity. Overwatch is very similar here - yet ships are either a hot topic of discussion or straight up ignored. But TF2? In here for whatever reason we ship these two mercenaries. And in this essay I will try and find a reason or two why is that.

Apologies for any mistakes or incoherency. English is not my first language, I need to ramble, and my vocabulary is all over the place.

Content warning: mentions of homophobia, blood, death, mentions of WLW fetishization, nsfw mention. Also MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE TF2 COMICS.

Part 1: Canonical Evidence and Interactions

Let’s be honest: I could ramble about this one for days on end. But I’ll try and keep it short.

First and foremost we have the official videos. And of course the first thing that comes to mind is Meet the Medic.

At the very start of the part where Medic himself appears, we see him telling a joke about a particularly gruesome situation to Heavy.

He laughs along with him, visibly enjoying his company. He even smiles as he waits for another joke. Heavy only shows genuine fear a lot later.

And of course this damn scene always cracks me up. Medic slightly pinches Heavy’s cheek and strokes his lip gently (the other part is almost not noticeable unless you play the video at slow speed).

Of course we all know about the Hand Hold that happens somewhere halfway in the vid. I don’t think I have to explain the gayness in that. The fact their hands stay interlocked even after Medic helps Heavy up. The deep breath Medic takes because even he cannot handle the emotions. That few seconds is unresolved sexual tension manifest.

Overall the short shows a strong feeling of trust between these two. Medic confides in Heavy and reverse. Yeah he puts a baboon heart into his friend’s chest cavity but the fact (as proven at the end of the video) that Heavy was the first one to have an Ubercharge implanted into him shows that Medic at the very least considers him a lab rat.

I treat End of the Line as non-canonical, as do many others, and as such won’t discuss it here. But it will forever crack me up that Valve endorsed such levels of homoerotic subtext.

These two have some short moments in other videos, like for example in Invasion Heavy helps Medic up (CINEMATIC PARALLELS) but it’s nothing major so I guess I’ll skip forward.

Second is their interactions ingame. You might call me a weirdo for trying to find stuff in there but holy shit I have things to say and I’m going to say them.

You thought I was going to fanboy over the “i love this doktor” voiceline huh? Well not really. I wish these two had unique lines if they assist one another.

Heavy is literally listed on the official wiki as the “ideal medic buddy” and multiple pages on that exact wiki say some pretty interesting things.

I have to say something about the Gentleman’s Ushanka and/or Pocket Medic. They are both community cosmetics - but the fact they both got accepted by Valve says a lot. Above is text snipped from the actual wiki.

Last but not least: The Comics. Darned comics. The pair of mercenaries has basically no interaction - unless you count issue 6.

Heavy getting absolutely PISSED when Medic is killed by Ch*avy. Their reunion. Medic referring to Heavy by “my friend” in a totally straight way. Kind of sad Valve wasted an opportunity for them to hug. Maybe they knew their comic artist ships them and wanted to avoid having to answer the Question™.

Part 2: Dynamics

This part’s a bit trickier, mostly due to the reason that I’m new to this whole dynamic analysis thing. Yeah I’m good at spotting canonical evidence but very specific shipping dynamics often escape my gaze.

The most obvious one is Big Guy, Little Guy. Quoting the TVTROPES page:

[…] This trope describes a pair of guys who always fight together, are best friends forever, and quite often have a very obvious hierarchy: The little guy is often in charge […] The little guy is usually listed first, since he’s the leader, and they are always listed together, as if they are one entity. In fact, some episodes may center on the fact that they can’t live without each other. […] If this is a case of Brains and Brawn, the Big Guy is usually the Brawn, and the Little Guy the Brains. It’s almost never the other way around, but in some cases the Big Guy can be rather smart too. […]

A sub-type of this, a common favorite here on Tumblr is known as “small chaotic big calm” and hoo boy if that isn’t these two. I don’t really have much to say here - again I am not an expert.

Part 3: Fandom Impact

So you don’t think Red Oktoberfest (as Heavymedic is sometimes called) is super popular on anywhere else than Tumblr? Wrong.

It’s hard to find TF2 fics on Archive of Our Own not tagged with Heavy/Medic. Of course most of them only contain hints to their relationship but go in the main tf2 tag and I can guarantee you, you’ll gonna see “implied heavy/medic” all the time.

But these two go further than AO3 or Tumblr or Instagram or whatever. They are recognized even within the wider circle of the fanbase. Take this SFM, for example. (I am using the Saxxy Awards version of Secret Lives here mostly due to the fact that the Heavymedic moment is much gayer. In the normal version, the dialogue isn’t changed, but they simply hold hands.)

youtube

But it gets deeper. (WARNING: THE GAY MOMENT IN THIS ONE IS NSFW. NOT EXPLICITLY SO BUT JUST A HEADS UP TUMBLR PLEASE DO NOT FLAG ME)

youtube

And the best part? The comments are extremely positive. You’d expect hoards upon hoards of homophobes screeching but no, the comments are supportive. Even on places such as Reddit or Youtube, comments like “yeah they’re gay and in love” do not get downvoted/disliked to hell; in fact the opposite.

Part 4: Canon Status

Let’s be real. Most ships are shipped because people want to explore the dynamics in fanfic, fanart or something else. But Heavymedic is shipped because… well, I have no idea.

Actually, I kind of do - but only theories. You see, while the canonical evidence is here, the creators have never said anything about them. No confirmation, no disproval, no hinting, nothing.

But the ship is so prominent! There has to be something causing this!- you say. And to that I present you 2 theories on why Heavy/Medic is so popular.

Theory number 1 states that we simply all choose to interpret their interactions as homoerotic. And this is very easy to disprove - there’s simply no way we just collectively agreed on these matters out of nothing. There has to be something bigger.

And theory 2 states that, well, our interpretation is the desired interpretation. But this is even more ridiculous than theory 1 for a number of reasons. If they are in fact gay, why hasn’t Valve made them canon yet?

A Theoretical Scenario

I am going to ramble big time on this one, so buckle up lads. I’ll discuss a theoretical scenario in which, well, if that was not obvious, Valve confirms Heavymedic as canon. Maybe then we will see why they will probably never do so.

TF2 is considered by typical capital G, alt-right Gamers as a “non-political” game. This means no women (in the game itself, at least, and if even, sexy women only), no queer folk and no minorities (for some reason they accept Demoman but throw a fit if someone draws any other merc as not being pearl white). Team Fortress 2 was around before Gamergate and other things like Gamers Rise Up. It’s a classic and Valve is regarded as the good guy to Epic Game’s bad guy. If Valve did anything to confirm doubts, wherther it be clearing up popular fanon or confirming ships, these people would throw hands. (Although they seemed to ignore when one of the writers confirmed Miss Pauling is a lesbian. Huh.) Even those that don’t play TF2 would come to the aid of their bros.

Let me illustrate with two very similar examples. In both cases these confirmations were the first made by the company as a whole, both are fairly recent and both confirm a character as gay.

First we have the confirmation of Tracer from Overwatch as a lesbian. It was done in one of OVW’s comics. Tracer is the FACE of Overwatch as a whole and while most of the fanbase accepted it (thankfully the Gamers are reluctant to infest ow), some people threw what I can only describe as a hissy fit. At least her girlfriend’s a background character.

Second is Neeko from League of Legends. Unlike Tracer she was added a while before it was confirmed she was gay. LOL is much more toxic and filled with Gamers than OW and holy shit people smeared LOL so much.

Of course these are not accurate to Heavy/Medic. In both of the cases I listed it was girls being wlw and we all know how much cisgender heterosexual gamers LOVE yuri porn. Apparently only girls can be gay because they can jack off to it - if it’s two guys then it’s disgusting. Nevertheless I think these are good approximations - in every case the company gets “shat on” on social media and other sites. With the community that Valve has, I think even if they wanted them to be gay, they would never ever confirm it.

Conclusion

I’m sorry for that ending. I had to theorize a bit. Regardless I’d love if you shared this on other sites, reblogged or whatever - I wasted at least 1 and a half hours of my life on it. Feel free to cite this as a source if someone asks you why you ship the big heavy weapons expert and the feral battle medic.

#my post #text post #tf2 #medic #heavy #heavymedic #long post

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soijustdidthat · 4 years

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Tips from a recently graduated hs senior

talk to teachers. my gpa would be like a point higher if i did this

don’t take classes you’ll be bored in. It’s worse than the hard ones

When working on essays either pretend it’s essential research for ur favorite fictional character OR ur Alexander Hamilton in a writing contest with Aaron Burr

Not everyone likes coffee. That’s cool. Honestly hot chocolate warms u up and doesn’t give u a caffeine addiction

When u get home, change ur pants. School desks are nasty.

Bathrooms are great for small breaks from all the stimuli that schools overload on u, my fellow neurodivergents. Especially during the middle of lunch. No ones in there usually.

SCHOOL CLUBS! There’s a reason my social anxiety is more manageable and it’s clubs. Esp ones that kinda slowly increase how much u have to talk so it’s sorta like the boiling frog thing but like pleasant

Read the English books. Usually they’ll be classics and dropping references to them will garner respect from people who’ve also read them. Great conversation starters.

That test u failed won’t matter next year.

During finals, make a binder and stick important notes and reviews in there. Going through and just making the binder helps a lot.

Just because you don’t like typical study methods doesn’t mean you can’t study. Find what works for you.

Try studying in incrementally bigger intervals. Start with 5 minutes, then 10, then 20, then 30, etc. a lot of times you’ll get in a groove and won’t want to stop.

When writing essays where you choose the topic, pick something that makes you either rant or over explain. The edit your ramble.

Google books to find symbolism for essays.

IB FOLKS: PAY ATTENTION IN FIRST YEAR HOTA IF U TAKE THAT I DIDNT AND CORONA SAVED MY ASS ON THAT ONE

Poetry. Know it. It will haunt u.

Friends help with homework - half the time when ur trying to explain what u don’t get u realize ur mistake

Sweatpants are your study friend. Wear them.

Nobody will notice if you wear the same thing twice.

Carry a blanket and no one will notice. My friends and I did this in EHAP sophomore year and legit it was a blast

Relax. I’m an IB Diploma grad so I’m still learning this, but u can’t work and do well if ur brain is fried.

Have some semblance of a sleep schedule. Let’s be real, it’s not gonna be great, but try to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time most days.

Weekends are for sleep.

Do homework Saturday afternoon and Sunday. Don’t bother on Friday unless u want it out of the way.

NAPS. They’re great.

Keep like five bucks on u. If you can drive, every once in awhile stop by a grocery store or gas station and get ur self a treat.

DONT STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY

DONT STAND IN THE STAIRWELL.

Look, PDA just looks gross.

Don’t shove people into lockers.

You probably won’t actually be shoved into a locker. I wasn’t, and I’m the definition of nerd.

These next ones are safety oriented:

My fellow girls, keep a panic button on u, as well as a pair of scissors whenever ur staying late. Better safe than sorry.

Learn several routes around the school in case of a shooting or other emergency.

Find different hiding spots and know the entrances and exits. This could potentially save your life.

Take the shooting drills seriously. We all know gun laws suck, and until people learn that no regulations means kids die, we gotta prepare.

Alright more serious stuff over

When it comes to big tests or really anything that stresses you out, print a safety blanket: a baby toy or blanket, a fidget, things that make u feel more comfortable.

I like to have my phone in my front pocket, but some tests don’t let you have it. Folding up a few notecards gives the same pressure on ur leg.

Also, if u bounce ur leg, do it on ur toes as best u can and try not to shake the desk, cause when ur desk shakes, the people around u shake

Use caution and trust ur gut

In most schools, people don’t offer drugs or alchohol and I’ve never been nor heard of someone being peer pressured into it

Vaping is bad for you kids. Just, bad.

Have hobbies outside of academics. Not just for college, but for you.

Do school like ur trying to make Amy Santiago proud

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. I hope everyone has a great summer and the school year starts somewhat normally. Although lbr who knows what August will look like at this point. Most of these can be used in online learning too (at least where I’m at)

Stay safe!

#school #ib diploma #study tips #high school #honestly this just came to me in a daydream

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izzy-b-hands · 4 years

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Retyping that vent post from earlier because this is all still rattling me and making it hard to focus. Will add a cut later when I'm on my laptop, tagging like wild for now, let me know if y'all need any tags added!

So my doctor wants me to try meds again for my anxiety and depression. Because A. I won't be able to escape my toxic work and family environments any time soon and B. All of my friends online and brickspace are usually (and understandably may I say) too busy to talk much with me these days, so the loneliness too is getting...bad again. Personally I feel I'm being a nuisance if I push too much to talk to ppl, my doctor thinks I just need to go for it. Maybe we're both partially right, who knows.

And I'm terrified of trying meds again. When I was on them around 11-12 yrs old, they zombified me and made the suicidal ideation so much worse.

My doctor claims all these different meds have come a long way and that I'll 'be surprised' but like

I mean my PCP sucks so I have to hope the doctor handling my T is willing to Rx this supposed magic pill for me (because my therapist also said she thinks it'll help curb my issues with alcohol, when we touched briefly on that and like??? What?? I need to get how I use and when I use alcohol under control, no pill is going to do that for me.) She also gave me homework of researching what meds I want to try which is also ???!!!! Like I get it this is America and doctors leave a lot of that to patients but I would much rather not? I have until September now to find a drug that doesn't interact with the T or my allergy med but really?? I feel super uncomfortable with it because I'm scared to take anything at all. This is one case where research isn't going to help me feel better.

And we spent so long with her talking about that stuff that I barely had a minute to ask her about the ADHD testing. She's putting it off again, because??? I have no idea, especially considering she keeps saying how likely it is to be comorbid with my ASD. I feel like that could also influence the meds thing, but I guess that's my problem now and the doctors are just...not gonna deal with it lmao (lmao here meaning fuck me I'm scared.)

We also didn't get to touch on another thing that I had really wanted to talk about, how I feel like people in my life want me to hide or ignore my sexuality and it's just...frustrating and makes me feel weird. Like, example, before I came out as trans, my mum could and would giggle over guys with me. Just a little dorky thing, made me happy, felt like bonding, ya know?

But now, if I try and mention any attraction she either ignores me or 'doesn't want to hear about my sex life' which is A. Non-existent and B. Me saying 'oh so and so is the cutest!' isn't my fucking sex life???

And like yeah, I deal with hypersexuality but it never comes out in convos with her, or even with friends (unless those friends and I are having a consenting, explicit convo abt our sexual attraction to this or that guy, and even then I police myself so hard so that I'm not oversharing or coming off weird to them, to the point that I usually just stop contributing to the convo and drop out of it.) I work very hard to make sure I'm only venting abt that here and tagging it, or venting to my doctor (who always just shrugs and says some ppl have a higher sex drive so I guess that means there's nothing wrong with me at least??? Because I don't feel like it's something wrong but I feel like no one trusts me to know myself so...yeah.)

And it's just...difficult sometimes? Like I feel like there's no safe place for me to be fully open about my romantic and sexual attraction to guys because my doing so either A. Alienates others B. Makes them feel weird (shout out to my grandparents here who told me they don't 'mind the gay stuff but don't talk about it if I can help it', said to me after I complimented an old HS friend we were talking about for growing into his looks and doing well in life, not even talking abt being attracted to him because I'm not!!) or C. It seems like they just don't want to hear anything from me unless it interests them personally completely (@ my mum on this one, big time.) Like half the time I'm just talking abt like fantasy crushes on musicians/actors that literally do not know I exist and likely wouldn't care if they did and just going 'oh he's so cute and talented' and some folks in my life act like I just said I wanted him to bend me over and raw me at the next family reunion (and maybe I would be fine with him bending me over, but at an appropriate time and place and certainly nowhere near my family!!!)

And it's like...okay fine, but I need somewhere to be free to talk. Even on here, I police myself because I don't want to make someone uncomfortable, and this is basically my only safe place to talk and vent aside from my doctor (and she seems to be more and more waving away any concerns I have each session.)

I'm not trying to upset or gross anyone out when I talk abt these attractions, I'm just...me, a person, human. I want love and respect and sex and care and to give love and have it given to me and to connect with someone, just as other people do (not everyone wants all the same of course, but some variety of things like this or along the line of it.) I'm even worried abt posting this even though it's just me venting??

I don't know. I'm tired. Tired of feeling like too much and not enough and like I somehow exist wrong and cause everyone I know issue when I interact with them. I keep trying to find ways to fix it, to grow and better and kinder and learn, and I feel like I'm somehow just getting it all wrong.

#text post #tw alchoholism #tw sex mention #tw suicidal ideation #tw medication #not sure of any other tw tags folks might want on here #let me know and i can always edit and add more!!!#but i think i caught the big ones

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